How To Have Your Own Back | Bonus Meditation with Matthew Hepburn

Summary

Podcast Summary: "How To Have Your Own Back | Bonus Meditation with Matthew Hepburn"

Podcast Information:

• Title: 10% Happier with Dan Harris
• Host/Author: Ten Percent Happier
• Episode: How To Have Your Own Back | Bonus Meditation with Matthew Hepburn
• Release Date: February 16, 2025

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Introduction to the Episode

In this bonus meditation episode of 10% Happier with Dan Harris, host Dan Harris delves deeper into the concept of self-compassion—a recurring theme in his discussions. Recognizing the challenges many face in being kind to themselves, Dan introduces a guided meditation session led by Matthew Hepburn, a seasoned meditation and Dharma teacher.

The Essence of Self-Compassion

Dan begins by reflecting on his personal journey with self-compassion. Initially skeptical about the practice, he acknowledges its profound impact on his life. He emphasizes the importance of "having your own back" and overcoming the ingrained habit of self-criticism. This sets the stage for Matthew Hepburn's guided meditation, aimed at fostering a more compassionate relationship with oneself.

Matthew Hepburn's Guided Meditation

Setting the Foundation (00:01:04 - 00:02:30) Matthew Hepburn opens the session by addressing common misconceptions about self-compassion. He states:

“The most important thing to know about strengthening goodwill towards yourself is that it's not dependent on being free from complex feelings. I can't promise you'll always feel good when you do this meditation” (01:04).

Matthew reassures listeners that while the practice may not always evoke positive emotions, it is instrumental in altering one's default attitude towards themselves.

Mindfulness and Self-Awareness (00:02:31 - 00:04:00) He guides participants to center themselves by focusing on their bodily sensations. Commands such as:

• “Settle into the body right where you are now.”
• “Take a deeper breath in, let it out with an easy sigh, maybe a smile.”

Matthew encourages listeners to observe their current emotional state without judgment, recognizing feelings like warmth, judgment, disappointment, or uncertainty.

Cultivating Goodwill (00:04:01 - 00:05:30) The core of the meditation involves generating goodwill towards oneself. Matthew suggests:

“Bring to mind a sense of yourself that helps you recognize that you too deserve goodwill” (03:45).

Listeners are invited to visualize themselves as a child or imagine assisting someone they care about, thereby fostering a compassionate self-view.

Affirmative Phrases (00:05:31 - 00:06:07) Matthew introduces specific phrases to reinforce self-compassion:

• “May you be safe”
• “May you be happy”
• “May you live with ease”

He advises adapting these phrases to resonate personally and encourages repeating them mindfully, noting the physical and emotional responses they elicit.

“Sometimes it's hard for us to receive goodwill, so don't expect it has to go perfectly” (05:45).

Matthew emphasizes consistency, suggesting that self-compassion can be integrated into daily routines through simple actions like saying the phrases while washing hands or putting on shoes.

Practical Application and Integration

Matthew Hepburn underscores that self-compassion doesn’t require extensive time or formal meditation practices. Instead, it can be seamlessly woven into everyday activities, making it accessible and sustainable.

“You don't have to drop everything in your life and do a formal meditation to wish yourself well” (05:50).

This practical approach demystifies the practice, making it approachable for listeners who may be new to meditation or self-compassion exercises.

Conclusion and Takeaways

Dan Harris wraps up the episode by expressing gratitude to Matthew and directing listeners to additional resources:

• Happier Meditation App: For more guided meditations.
• Wondery Plus: To listen early and ad-free.

He also encourages listener engagement by inviting them to complete a short survey, fostering a community around shared growth and learning.

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Notable Quotes

• Dan Harris on Self-Compassion:

  “Having your own back, or stopping the ancient habit of kicking your own ass, has made a huge difference for me.” (00:01:00)

• Matthew Hepburn on Goodwill:

  “The most important thing to know about strengthening goodwill towards yourself is that it's not dependent on being free from complex feelings.” (00:01:04)

• Matthew Hepburn on Practicing Goodwill:

  “You don't have to drop everything in your life and do a formal meditation to wish yourself well.” (00:05:50)

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Insights and Reflections

This episode serves as a practical guide for listeners seeking to cultivate self-compassion in their lives. By blending personal anecdotes with guided meditation, Dan Harris and Matthew Hepburn offer a balanced approach that is both relatable and actionable. The emphasis on integrating self-compassion into everyday actions demystifies the process, making it accessible to a broader audience.

Key Takeaways:

• Self-Compassion is Accessible: It doesn't require extensive meditation practices and can be integrated into daily routines.
• Consistency Matters: Regularly offering goodwill to oneself can gradually shift one's internal dialogue and default attitudes.
• Mindfulness of Feelings: Acknowledging and observing one's emotions without judgment is foundational to developing self-compassion.

For listeners looking to deepen their understanding and practice of self-compassion, this episode provides valuable tools and insights, reinforcing the message that being kind to oneself is a crucial step toward overall well-being.

Transcript

[A]

Wondery subscribers can listen to 10% happier, early and ad free right now. Join Wondery plus in the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts. It's the 10% Happier podcast. I'm Dan Harris. Hey hey. Time for a bonus meditation. If you've been around here for any length of time, you've heard me talk about self compassion or the idea of having your own back, or stopping the ancient habit of kicking your own ass. This was something I was initially resistant to try, but I can tell you it's made a huge difference for me. And our meditation teacher du jour, Matthew Hepburn is going to guide you through a simple self compassion practice right now. Just a little bit more about Matthew before we get started. He's a meditation and dharma teacher with more than a decade of teaching experience. Experience. He's part of the team at the Happier Meditation app. Here we go now with Matthew Hepburn.

[B]

Hey, it's Matthew. The most important thing to know about strengthening goodwill towards yourself is that it's not dependent on being free from complex feelings. I can't promise you'll always feel good when you do this meditation. One thing I can promise, if you're willing to stick with this, it will change your default attitude towards yourself. Let's try it out. The first thing to do is settle into the body right where you are now. You might take a deeper breath in, let it out with an easy sigh, maybe a smile. In this practice, we need to begin by turning our attention toward a sense of ourselves. Recognize how you feel about this being in this moment right now. If it's warm, if it's a little judgmental, Disappointed, unsure. Just notice what you're working with. No matter how you feel about this being in this moment, you do wish the best for yourself. You do want this being to at least be safe, at least be well. Bring to mind a sense of yourself that helps you recognize that you too deserve goodwill. You might bring an image to mind of yourself as a child, or helping someone out or doing something that you love. Speaking to yourself. You can start with the phrases may you be safe, may you be happy, may you live with ease. You can adapt these to make them fit and feel natural. I like to simply say safe, happy, live with ease. Try it on your own now for a few moments. The mind can respond in a million different ways, but notice how your body feels. Is there a place in the body that's holding which can let go, soften, or release? Now, returning to the phrases, find the speed and rhythm for the phrases that keeps you most mindful May you be safe, happy live with ease It Sometimes it's hard for us to receive goodwill, so don't expect it has to go perfectly. But make a commitment to offer yourself goodwill on a regular basis. You don't have to drop everything in your life and do a formal meditation to wish yourself well. Washing your hands may I be safe Putting your phone back in your pocket May I be happy Putting your shoes on May I live with ease like that. All right, thanks for doing this with me. See you next time.

[A]

Thank you Matthew. Thank Find more meditations like this one over on the Happier Meditation app. Just download the app wherever you get your apps to get started. If you like 10% happier and I hope you do, you can listen early and ad free right now by joining Wondery plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short [e-mail] survey.