Podcast Summary:

10% Happier with Dan Harris
Episode: How To Meditate When You're Freaking Out | Kaira Jewel Lingo
Date: August 24, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode dives deeply into the perennial question: How do we meditate when consumed by powerful, difficult emotions like anxiety or grief? Host Dan Harris and executive producer DJ Cashmir engage with Teacher of the Month, Kaira Jewel Lingo, who offers compassionate, practical strategies for approaching meditation—and self-care more broadly—during periods of emotional overwhelm. The conversation expands the definition of practice, suggesting gentler and more community-oriented approaches, and challenges the idea that there’s a single “right” way to meditate, especially in hard times.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Rethinking Meditation During Difficult Times

[07:12]

• Softening Expectations:

  • Kaira emphasizes not to expect traditional meditation “success,” especially during hardship.
  • “It’s important to not expect ourselves to be able to settle in meditation the way we would in a different context, to really soften expectations about what practice looks like in times of grief… It can look many different ways.” (Kaira Jewel Lingo, 07:12)

• Alternative Practices:

  • Walking meditation, especially outdoors, is highlighted as a valuable alternative:
    • “Putting ourselves in situations where we can sense ourselves maybe releasing some of that, or allowing the earth, the tree, the sky to carry it with us so that we're not alone, holding it can be helpful.” (Kaira Jewel Lingo, 08:30)
    • The act of moving with overwhelming emotions, rather than forcing stillness, can be more supportive.

2. The Power of Community and Connection

[09:50]

• Reducing Isolation:

  • Practicing in community—whether through formal spiritual groups, grief groups, or simply by being in loving connection with others—can help reset and regulate our nervous systems.
  • “If we can be around others who have stability, who have calm… that can help reset our nervous systems. Because our nervous systems are not separate, right? There's a collective energy that can help us shift our personal, individual energy.” (Kaira Jewel Lingo, 10:35)

• Opening to the World Around Us:

  • If people are unavailable, nature can offer support. Trees, birds, and the sky are proposed as sources of nourishment and comfort.
    • “The tree's shade is a kind of love. The bird's song is a kind of solidarity.” (Kaira Jewel Lingo, 15:55)

3. Expanding the Definition of Practice

[12:00]

• DJ Cashmir summarizes Kaira’s perspective:

  • “There’s such an expansive and practical answer… from not expecting the same thing of yourself… to walking meditation, especially outside, practicing community… to zooming out even further on what meditation could even mean: swimming, dancing...” (DJ Cashmir, 12:00)

• Permission to Adapt:

  • Kaira stresses not to judge oneself if traditional sitting meditation isn’t possible:
    • “You might find swimming is your meditation in this time. You might find dancing is your meditation… So I think it’s just so important to not judge ourselves — oh, I can’t meditate right now. That’s okay.” (Kaira Jewel Lingo, 11:22)

4. Challenging Internal Criticism

[13:17]

• Many people have a rigid, binary view: either “I’m doing it right” or “I’m failing.”

  • DJ: “There’s this running self-assessment. Is this the thing? Am I doing the thing? Am I doing it right?... I guess I’m not going to practice then. And I just appreciate you sort of pushing us away from this idea that there’s one lane and you get a gold star if you do it that way.” (DJ Cashmir, 12:45)

• Kaira highlights that showing up for oneself doesn’t require a specific posture:

  • “You can sit on the cushion and not be there for yourself. Also, that posture doesn’t mean X, Y and Z is happening. So wherever you can find… however we are and in whatever way we can access that.” (Kaira Jewel Lingo, 14:23)

• Indigenous perspectives emphasize the need for community when grieving or overwhelmed.

5. The Paradox of Gentleness and Effort

[16:32]

• DJ notes that Kaira offers both comfort and a gentle push to strive for connection:

  • “You’re both deeply compassionate… but there’s a real pushing happening too… we actually have to work harder at listening to ourselves and trusting ourselves and opening ourselves up to other people.” (DJ Cashmir, 16:32)

• Kaira recognizes opening up is hard and counter-cultural in the West, where individualism reigns:

  • “It is going against the stream… all the things around us that are reflecting back… saying, check out. And you could do this all by yourself. You don’t need other people… And it’s very vulnerable to let ourselves lean on it, and risk the possibility of not being met.” (Kaira Jewel Lingo, 17:47)

• She shares a story about the healing power of connecting with other species, referencing the book Raising Hare:

  • “All the ways that many species around us are ready to instruct us if we will listen. And it takes a real slowing down and a different way of orienting to be able to open to that.” (Kaira Jewel Lingo, 19:02)

6. Closing Reflections

[19:52]

• DJ recalls a description of Thich Nhat Hanh:
  • “He had the serenity of a cloud and the force of a Mack truck. And… I feel like that lives on in you in some way… in these answers.” (DJ Cashmir, 19:52)
• Kaira receives the compliment with gratitude.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “The tree's shade is a kind of love. The bird's song is a kind of solidarity.”
  Kaira Jewel Lingo, 15:55

• “It’s important to not expect ourselves to be able to settle in meditation the way we would in a different context, to really soften expectations about what practice looks like in times of grief, in times of real overwhelm.”
  Kaira Jewel Lingo, 07:12

• “There’s a real sort of against-the-stream pressure in what you’re saying… we can be gentler with ourselves, and that we actually have to work harder at listening to ourselves and opening ourselves up to other people.”
  DJ Cashmir, 16:32

• “You can sit on the cushion and not be there for yourself… That posture doesn’t mean X, Y and Z is happening.”
  Kaira Jewel Lingo, 14:23

• “He had the serenity of a cloud and the force of a Mack truck.”
  DJ Cashmir (on Thich Nhat Hanh), 19:52

Key Timestamps

• [07:12] — Kaira begins detailed advice for practicing during intense emotion
• [10:35] — The importance of community/regulation in times of overwhelm
• [11:22] — Guided meditation, alternate practices (“swimming is your meditation”)
• [12:00] — DJ summarizes and reflects on the expanded definition of practice
• [13:17] — Discussion about not equating “not sitting” with “not practicing”
• [15:55] — Poetic reflection on nature as a source of support
• [16:32] — DJ asks about the balance between compassion and “pushing” oneself
• [17:47] — Kaira acknowledges vulnerability and Western individualism
• [19:02] — Healing from non-human connections; reference to Raising Hare
• [19:52] — Thich Nhat Hanh’s legacy as both forceful and serene

Tone & Language

• The tone is warm, gentle, and inviting, alternating between practical advice, poetic imagery, and compassionate challenge.
• Kaira’s language is inclusive and non-judgmental, repeatedly affirming a wide range of approaches and validating listeners’ struggles.
• DJ provides thoughtful, relatable reflections, candidly sharing his own experience and offering a voice for the listener.

Summary Takeaways

• Meditation doesn’t have to look “perfect”—especially when life feels overwhelming.
• Alternative practices like mindful walking, dancing, or community connection might serve better than formal sitting.
• Connection—to others, to nature, to loving presence—is vital and healing.
• Gentleness with oneself is paramount, but there is also a quiet challenge: to open, to listen deeply, and to seek support.

This episode is a powerful reminder that real mindfulness adapts to meet us wherever we truly are.