10% Happier with Dan Harris

Episode Date: December 15, 2025
Title: How To Stop Overthinking and Make Better Decisions | Bidhan (Bobby) Parmar
Guest: Dr. Bobby Parmar, Darden School of Business, University of Virginia

Episode Overview

In this episode, host Dan Harris dives deep into the pervasive human struggle with doubt, overthinking, and decision paralysis. His guest, Dr. Bobby Parmar, professor at the Darden School of Business, explores how our discomfort with uncertainty can sabotage decision-making, yet, paradoxically, is a powerful opportunity for growth and better choices—if handled wisely. Drawing from his new book, Radical Doubt: Turning Uncertainty into Surefire Success, Parmar shares practical psychological and behavioral tools for transforming uncertainty into durable confidence and more effective action.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Personal Relationship with Doubt

[05:30]

• Dr. Parmar explains that growing up as a first-generation American, he often straddled conflicting cultural expectations, fostering persistent doubt. His drive to understand and cope with this "doubt between worlds" (“all research is really me-search”) laid the groundwork for his academic focus.
• He noticed that, although his life circumstances were specific, the discomfort around doubt and uncertainty is universal.

2. Definitions: Choice Fatigue vs. Analysis Paralysis

[06:41]

• Choice Fatigue: Overload from too many options, e.g., picking ketchup at the grocery store or deciding what to watch on Netflix.
• Analysis Paralysis: The repetitive rumination over even two options, resulting in delayed decisions due to fixating on finding the “right” answer.

3. Culture’s Obsession with Certainty and Perfectionism

[08:40]

• Educational and professional systems condition us to be “right answer getters” rather than “better answer makers.”
• Perfectionism makes analysis paralysis worse: “All throughout our education, we learned that being smart means getting the right answer. And then we hit a point in our lives where there isn’t a single right answer...” (Bobby Parmar, 08:56)

4. The Discomfort with “I Don’t Know”

[10:14]

• Dan observes that humans are “allergic to uncertainty.”
• Parmar likens doubt to muscle fatigue at the gym: it signals growth, not failure, and should be treated as a sign to engage further rather than flee.

"If we think about doubt as the moment where... it’s a sign that I’m about to learn something new... we wouldn’t give up and flee situations where we experience doubt."
— Bobby Parmar, [11:22]

5. Nine Subtle Signs of Analysis Paralysis

[13:30] Dan lists: endless research, constant advice-seeking, fear of wrong choice, worst-case obsession, “productive” avoidance, missed deadlines, being problem (not solution) focused, overthinking details, and exhaustion.

Parmar’s Core Point:
Symptoms arise from the drive to find a “right” answer when none exists. The antidote is “shrinking” doubt—naming and tackling specific uncertainties with small steps, not big leaps.

Practical Tools & Strategies

Six Strategies for Overcoming Analysis Paralysis

(Segment begins ~ [15:51])

1. Make Uncertainty Bite-Sized

   • Break towering uncertainties into manageable, actionable questions.
     Example: Instead of deciding on a total life uprooting, visit the city for a weekend first.

2. Run Small Experiments

   • Approach decisions with test-and-learn tactics rather than one-shot, high-stakes commitments.
   • Quote: “Doubt plus motivation is curiosity...we can unleash the potential for curiosity.” (Bobby Parmar, [19:11])

3. Avoid Alternatives That Lock You In

   • Prefer reversible or flexible options; don’t burn bridges or box yourself into points of no return, especially in emotional moments.

4. Remind Yourself of Big Picture Goals

   • “By zooming out...I don’t have to be perfect in this.” (Parmar, [35:53])

5. Be Open to Positive Surprises

   • Recognize unpredictability includes not just possible negatives, but equally unforeseeable positives.

6. Consider What You Can Afford to Lose

   • Before big moves, set boundaries on acceptable losses (e.g., time or money spent on “trial” steps).

“...don’t worry about making the right decision; make whatever decision you make right.” — Ellen Langer, discussed at [38:22]
“We want to think about both a good process and keep our eyes on... a good outcome.” (Parmar, [39:45])

Emotional Regulation in Uncertainty

(Segment begins ~ [19:38])

Foundational Model: Pursue, Protect, Pause-Piece Together Systems

[21:25]

• Pursue System: Drives us toward rewards/goals.
• Protect System: Triggers fight/flight in perceived threat.
• Pause & Piece Together System: Engaged when faced with ambiguity/uncertainty; can feel like inferiority, but is actually a gateway to learning.
• Purposeful connection to one’s “why” helps shift activation from fear-based protect mode to growth-oriented pursue mode.
  Dan’s example: his “for the benefit of all beings” tattoo.

Tools for Regulating Emotions

1. Switch Up Circumstances

   • Change the physical or social context to disrupt habits that sustain negative emotions.
     (e.g., put down the phone and go for a walk when angry from social media scroll)

2. Distraction (“Look Over There”)

   • Move attention away from triggers and search for disconfirming evidence.

3. Reframing

   • Mindfully reinterpret situations, e.g., the “waiter isn’t ignoring me, they’re just busy.”
   • Requires practice and third-person perspective (e.g., video review, coaching).

4. Try Something New (Opposite Action)

   • Intentionally choose a different behavioral response than your usual; change the script from “I feel angry, so I yell,” to “I feel angry, so I go for a walk or write.”

Focusing on Process Over Outcome

(Key segment: [40:16] – [44:29])

• Good decisions are not defined strictly by “what” we choose, but “how” we enact and respond to the outcomes.
• “Getting fired” can be a deeply different experience depending on how it’s communicated and handled.

"We need to be paying attention to process more than outcome. Or if not more than, at least equal to."
— Dan Harris, [43:08]

Distinguishing Simple from Complex Decisions

[45:36]

• Not all decisions warrant the same approach—routine problems can use intuition and quick processes, but complex, novel problems need slower, experiment-based process.

Confidence in the Face of Doubt: Anticipation & Resilience Tactics

(Begins [47:10]; lists at [47:47] onward)

Anticipation Tactics

• Anomaly: Notice subtle cues things are off-track.
• Waiting: Strategic pause to gather more information—but don't abuse this to avoid action.
• Flexible Plans: Prepare multiple paths; don’t fixate on a single option.
• Reduce/Refine Uncertainty by Acting: Learn by doing small, safe experiments.

Resilience Tactics

[59:26]

• Build Psychological Safety: Foster team environments where bringing up risks or failures is safe.
  • Structural support: Assign roles (devil’s advocate, “strengths-finder”) to depersonalize criticism and idea poking.
• Build Buffers: Set up systems so mistakes don’t become disasters; invest incrementally.

Dealing with Doubt in Relationships & Groups

The Limits and Benefits of Cooperation

[64:37]

• Making sense of others’ motives is a common source of doubt.
• Use small, trust-earning “experiments” with others rather than binary trust/distrust.

Responsibility, Blame, Rupture & Repair

[67:26]

• Blame: Understand different dimensions—intent, causality, capacity, obligation—to clarify and distribute responsibility thoughtfully.
• Rupture and Repair: Relationships are cyclical. “We disagree, we repair”—this is normal and crucial for growth.

“If we think about relationships as having this rupture and repair, ebb and flow, then it helps us...” (Parmar, [71:07])

After Action Reviews

[72:44] A powerful habit for learning from decisions. Four core questions after a decision:

1. What did I expect would happen?
2. What actually happened?
3. Why was there a difference?
4. What will I do differently next time?

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "[Doubt] is a sign that I’m about to learn something new. It’s a sign that I’m about to get smarter or more capable..." — Bobby Parmar, [11:22]
• "Doubt plus fear equals some kind of paralysis... but doubt plus motivation is curiosity." — Bobby Parmar, [19:11]
• "There are skills. They’re easy to say, but incredibly hard to do." — Bobby Parmar, [19:38]
• "We want the warm blanket of certainty. We want somebody to take care of us. But actually we do better when we do the uncomfortable thing of opening our mind..." — Dan Harris, [80:20]

Real-World Example

• Research on entrepreneur incubator models ([78:21]): businesses exposed early to multiple, even conflicting, perspectives do better long-term—greater comfort with doubt fosters pattern recognition and better, more sustainable decisions.

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 05:30 – Parmar’s personal journey and the universality of doubt.
• 06:41 – Definitions: Choice fatigue vs. analysis paralysis.
• 13:30 – Nine subtle signs of analysis paralysis.
• 15:51 – Six strategies for overcoming analysis paralysis.
• 19:38 – How to regulate emotions in the heat of doubt (“pursue/protect/pause” model).
• 35:53 – Reminding yourself of big-picture goals.
• 40:16 – Process vs. outcome in decision making.
• 47:10 – Building confidence: anticipation & resilience tactics.
• 59:26 – Building psychological safety & buffers.
• 64:37 – Limits of cooperation and trust in group decision-making.
• 67:26 – Handling blame, responsibility, rupture and repair.
• 72:44 – After action reviews.
• 78:21 – Entrepreneurial incubator study: the upside of doubt.

Speaker Attribution & Tone

Dan Harris and Dr. Bobby Parmar engage in a lively, candid, and practical discussion, continually drawing parallels to real-life decision-making and Buddhist teachings on uncertainty, with Dan bringing humor and real-world anecdotes. Parmar is accessible and rigorous, balancing academic insight with actionable takeaways.

Final Takeaways

• Embrace doubt not as a flaw, but as a signal and opportunity for growth.
• Break big, paralyzing uncertainties into manageable actions—and run small experiments.
• Use emotional regulation tools to avoid knee-jerk decisions.
• Pay attention to process as much as outcome; learn from every move with structured after-action reviews.
• In relationships and teams, build psychological safety, be mindful in addressing ruptures, and use accountability thoughtfully.

Dr. Bobby Parmar's Resources

• Book: Radical Doubt
• Documentary: Fishing with Dynamite
• Website: radicaldot.com

For more, including the referenced guided meditation, visit danharris.com.