Podcast Summary: 10% Happier with Dan Harris

Episode Title: How to Work with Worry | Christiane Wolf
Date: December 26, 2025
Guest: Dr. Christiana Wolf – Physician, Dharma Teacher, Ultra-marathoner

Overview

This episode is a recording of a live Q&A session, featuring Dr. Christiana Wolf, focused on practical strategies for working with worry, especially during challenging periods such as waiting for a medical diagnosis, feeling pressure to be grateful, handling the urge to “want” during consumer-driven holidays, and untangling from the inner critic. Dr. Wolf and Dan Harris provide a blend of mindfulness-based approaches, self-compassion techniques, and psychological perspectives (including Internal Family Systems), responding to real-time audience questions with warmth and clarity.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

You Can’t Force Gratitude or Happiness

[04:37] Dr. Christiana Wolf:

• Gratitude, loving-kindness, joy, or compassion practices cannot be forced.
• Not feeling a shift in mood during these practices is normal and does not indicate failure.
• The practice is about intention, not immediate emotional results.
  • “What we're practicing with actually is we're practicing with our intention…if we don't feel that, it doesn't mean we're doing something wrong.”

The Long-Term Value of Loving-Kindness

[06:07] Dr. Christiana Wolf:

• At first, loving-kindness practice can feel empty or pointless ("What a waste of time"), but over time, it softens us and “opens the door.”
  • “It is not up to us whether loving kindness or compassion will walk in, but it is easier when the door is open.”

When Gratitude Feels Sad or Stressful

[07:03]-[08:21] Group Discussion:

• Gratitude practice can evoke sadness or worry, especially about people we care about.
• There’s a common belief that being miserable is the most sincere way to “honor the suffering in the world,” but this actually doesn’t help anyone.
  • “Is that helpful if I worry about the people right now, or is that helpful if I really suffer with you in the same way that you're suffering?” – Dr. Wolf [09:47]
• Mindfulness means seeing what your nervous system does out of habit and questioning if it's actually helpful—without suppressing emotions.

Is Worry Ever Helpful?

[11:03] Dr. Christiana Wolf:

• “Barely ever.” Worry may alert us to what we care about or point us toward actionable items, but sustained worry is generally not beneficial.
  • “If there's not [an actionable item], I don't think there's any benefit in worrying.”

Handling Wanting and Consumer Temptation (esp. Holidays)

[12:16] Dr. Christiana Wolf:

• Wanting is normal and arises more during consumerist holidays.
• Culturally and neurologically, wanting is fed like a drug during events like Black Friday.
• Key question: “What is your relationship to wanting and to stuff?”
• Referencing Michael Easter’s advice: “Buy gear, not stuff.” Make purchases that have lasting value versus fleeting impulse.

Worry While Awaiting Medical Diagnosis

[14:08] Dan Harris, [14:11] Dr. Christiana Wolf:

• Work with worry by bringing kindness: “We’re hardwired to worry…once I’m in it, do I feed it, or am I training myself to pivot into not worrying?”
• Use mindfulness techniques: Name and notice “worry mind,” redirect attention to sensory experience (room, sounds, breath).
• Use self-compassion: “Yes, this is what it feels like for everybody who's waiting for a diagnosis.”

Working with the Inner Critic & “Not-Earning” Joy

[15:45] Desiree’s Question, [16:02] Dr. Christiana Wolf:

• The inner critic often makes us feel we haven’t “earned” joy or gratitude.
• Distinguish between thoughts as passing phenomena and parts of ourselves needing deeper psychological work.
• “Parts” language (from IFS): Instead of “I am anxious,” say “I have a part that feels anxious.” This creates distance, reducing overwhelm.

Mindfulness Meets Internal Family Systems (IFS)

[17:38] Dr. Christiana Wolf:

• Mindfulness and IFS complement each other: Learning to identify and relate to “parts” with curiosity and compassion makes difficult emotions less engulfing.
  • “When I say I am anxious…it blocks out the sun. If I say, I have a part that feels anxious, often there’s immediately more openness or curiosity.”
• Inner critic parts are usually trying to keep us safe (from old conditioning); be curious, not adversarial, with these parts.

Pitfall: “Just Words” vs. Felt Emotional Shift

[22:06] Sylvia’s Comment, [22:41] Dr. Christiana Wolf:

• The shift from “I am” to “a part of me is” might feel superficial at first.
• This is normal: These protective parts are often developed in childhood—over time, consistent practice creates real distance and healing.

Notable Quotes (with Timestamps & Attribution)

• “We cannot make ourselves feel gratitude. Sometimes you won't have a shift in mood, and it doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong.”
  — Dr. Christiana Wolf [04:37]

• “I did [loving-kindness practice] because the teachers that I trusted told me to do it…I couldn't feel anything…over time, that practice softened me a lot.”
  — Dr. Christiana Wolf [06:07]

• “There's this feeling many of us have that the best way to honor the suffering in the world is to be miserable. But that isn't helping anybody.”
  — Session Moderator [07:56]

• “Is that really helpful right now? Or is it helpful if I really suffer with you in the same way you're suffering?”
  — Dr. Christiana Wolf [08:21]

• “Is worry ever helpful? I would say barely ever, honestly…if there’s no actionable item, I don't think there's any benefit in worrying.”
  — Dr. Christiana Wolf [11:03]

• “Wanting will keep arising, and is that a problem? ...Almost like we’re being fed a drug and it’s really hard to avoid that.”
  — Dr. Christiana Wolf [12:16]

• “Use your practice skills to notice [worry], name it—'worry mind'—and then direct your attention to something present.”
  — Dr. Christiana Wolf [14:11]

• “Does it make a difference to you…If you say ‘I'm anxious’ versus ‘I have a part that feels anxious right now’?”
  — Dr. Christiana Wolf [17:38]

• “When I say I am anxious…blocks out the sun. If I say, I have a part, very often there’s a sense of more openness or curiosity.”
  — Dr. Christiana Wolf [18:41]

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [04:37] – On forced gratitude and the practice of intention.
• [06:07] – The evolution of loving-kindness practice over time.
• [07:56] – Misconceptions about honoring suffering by being miserable.
• [08:21] – Is it helpful to worry for others?
• [11:03] – Is worry ever useful? Practical function vs. habitual pain.
• [12:16] – Surfing the urge of wanting, especially during holidays.
• [14:11] – Mindful techniques for worry while awaiting a health diagnosis.
• [15:45] – The inner critic and the feeling of not “earning” wholeness.
• [17:38] – Interfacing mindfulness with Internal Family Systems language.
• [22:41] – What to do if insight feels like “just words” emotionally.

Tone and Style

Warm and pragmatic, with Dr. Wolf’s compassionate and methodical approach balancing Dan Harris’s direct, relatable style. The live audience setting adds interactivity and real-life context.

Conclusion

Dr. Christiana Wolf offers compassionate, science-informed strategies for responding to worry, habitual wanting, and self-criticism. Her insights emphasize practice over perfection, curiosity over self-judgment, and gentle acceptance of the mind’s habits. Listeners are encouraged to experiment with mindfulness, self-compassion, and “parts work,” remembering that lasting change is gradual but ultimately accessible.