10% Happier with Dan Harris

Episode: What Should You Do With Your Life? | Suzy Welch

Date: September 15, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode features journalist and author Dan Harris in conversation with Suzy Welch, NYU Stern School of Business lecturer and author of Becoming: The Proven Method for Crafting Your Authentic Life. Welch introduces her practical framework for answering the perennial question, "What should I do with my life?"—arguing it's a critical inquiry for people at any age. The conversation breaks down the three pillars of her method:

• Values
• Aptitudes
• Economically viable interests

Welch challenges popular self-help tropes (like "follow your passion"), highlights the complexity of defining success, and explains how clarity around values can transform both individual lives and relationships. She brings exercises from her NYU course and book—plus candid stories and memorable moments—making this episode a thoughtful guide for anyone seeking to intentionally reset their life or career.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

The Universal Significance of “What Should I Do With My Life?”

• Not Just for the Young: Dan Harris and Suzy Welch emphasize that questioning your life’s direction is valuable at any stage—not just when starting out.
  • “Are you living by design or by default?” (03:37, Harris)
  • Welch’s process serves those aged 16 to 78 (07:41, Welch)

Purpose vs. Happiness: Distinctions and Misconceptions

• Welch distances her framework from the pursuit of fleeting happiness, rooting it instead in purpose.
  • “Happiness is not a goal, but an outcome… a byproduct of having your purpose.” (09:11, Welch)
  • Skepticism toward superficial definitions of happiness and “the happiness industrial complex” (10:16, Welch)
• Harris agrees happiness is fuzzy and, when properly understood, includes purpose but is only one constituent of well-being (11:46, Harris).

Defining Success: A Personal Quest

• Welch argues that “[success] is different for each person” (12:56) and urges listeners to shed cultural, familial, or societal definitions in favor of uncovering their own:
  • “You have to know what our own definition of success is.” (13:52, Welch)

The “Becoming” Framework: Values, Aptitudes, and Economically Viable Interests

1. Values: The Deep Drivers of Action

• Most people cannot clearly define their values (only 17% by Welch’s research).
  • Values ≠ virtues (e.g., kindness, fairness); values are the “deeply held beliefs that galvanize our actions and decisions.” (14:24, Welch)
• Values are often muddled by social/family expectations or expedience—many of us "dodge around them."
• Welch’s 15 Core Values:
  • Scope: Need for stimulation/new experiences
  • Radius: Desire to impact the world
  • Family centrism: Prioritizing family
  • Belonging: Value of friendships/community
  • Cosmos: Faith/spirituality as a guiding principle
  • Agency: Need for self-determination/autonomy
  • Beholderism: Concern for aesthetics/appearance
  • Non sibi: Altruism/helping others
  • Work centrism: Work as a life organizer
  • Affluence: Importance of financial security/wealth
  • Achievement: Wanting to be seen as successful
  • Luminance: Value placed on fame/recognition
  • Voice: Creative self-expression/authenticity
  • Eudaimonia: Pleasure, self-care, flourishing
  • Place: Importance of geographic location
• Notable moment: Welch shares how the Values Bridge tool can clarify and “rank” one’s values, exposing gaps between what individuals value and what they actually live (20:36–26:03).
  • “Your values are your values. All you need to do is live them if you want to be authentic.” (21:24, Welch)

Timestamps:

• The puzzle of defining values: 14:24–17:25
• Run-down of the 15 values: 17:30–26:03

2. Aptitudes: Cognition and Personality in Action

• Defined as your “cognitive wiring” and how others experience your personality.
• There are eight core cognitive aptitudes (e.g., generalist vs. specialist, brainstormer vs. idea contributor, future- vs. present-focus).
  • “There’s no right or wrong, there’s just right or wrong for your job.” (33:25, Welch)
• Welch stresses the importance of honest feedback (“360 reviews”)—what you believe about your strengths and personality might not align with how the world experiences you (33:25–38:29).
• Aptitude self-examination can be done through tests like YouScience.com or simple guided exercises.
• Explains why being out of sync with your aptitudes leads to suffering and frustration:
  • “It's usually a lot more comfortable, enjoyable, and successful just emotionally to be working in concert with your aptitudes rather than against them.” (39:31, Welch)

Timestamps:

• Aptitude and “cognitive wiring” explained: 33:25–41:25

3. Economically Viable Interests: The Real-World Filter

• Practical necessity: “Most people have got to work” (42:24).
• Warns that as we age, our sense of what work is possible narrows dramatically (seven jobs at high school graduation, 9–11 after college, fewer in adulthood).
• Welch insists on matching what you find interesting with what can actually sustain you:
  • “It has to be able to pay you according to what your value around affluence is.” (44:16, Welch)

Timestamps:

• The reality check of work and money: 42:24–44:48

Follow Your Passion? Welch Says, “Terrible Advice”

• Both Harris and Welch agree that the classic “follow your passion” dictum is naïve:
  • “No, no, no, no. Really bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad advice.” (45:03, Welch)
  • Aptitude and viability matter as much as passion. Some passions may never result in success or satisfaction if not matched to talent or economic realities.
  • “If you're good at your passion, do it... But that's why we've got aptitudes in there.” (45:15, Welch)

The Framework In Practice: Not Just for Youth

• Welch has guided women in midlife, men in their 40s, retirees, and even those in their 70s–80s through her process. It applies for anyone at a transition or seeking meaning (47:07, Welch).

Language and Self-Understanding: The Power of Naming Values

• The act of naming and ranking values, aptitudes, and interests gives clarity for making decisions.
  • “As soon as we get words for it, then our world can start to write itself…” (49:38, Welch quoting Wittgenstein)

On Human Nature: Simple and Complicated

• “People are incredibly complicated and incredibly simple at the same time.” (50:30, Welch)
• We want safety, love, to be heard—but we’re also “messy mess balls.”

The Role of Relationships

• Exploring values and purpose is often most transformative when shared in relationships.
• “Once you know your values, you want to talk about them with the person you’re in relationship with.” (55:19, Welch)
• Welch notes her own new experience of living her values alone, without negotiation
• Harris: “Relationships are the lifeblood of the human animal.” (57:03, Harris)
• Both discuss the rise of a “tech” mogul type—people who succeed despite being "bad at people"—but hope for a future where emotional intelligence regains its currency. (58:36–59:55)

Concrete Exercises for Self-Discovery

Six Squared (Six Square) Memoir Exercise

• Classic two-step visualization:
  1. Six-word memoir describing your life so far.
  2. Quiet reflection: Visualize your “ideal life” 25 years from now if everything goes right. Write a second six-word memoir for that future.
  3. Compare: The difference exposes your deepest values, drives, and unspoken aspirations.
  • “It is stunning. It absolutely impels values to come right to the surface.” (60:31, Welch)
  • “Be the author of your life rather than the editor—the world will edit us soon enough.” (63:23, Welch)

Timestamps:

• Full exercise walk-through: 60:31–63:23

Notable Quotes & Moments

• On happiness:
  “Happiness is a byproduct of having your purpose…. Almost everybody who is living in their purpose has a kind of exquisite aliveness, which is pretty much joy.” (09:11–11:14, Welch)

• On living out of sync with values:
  “You see them kind of cringe and move [family centrism] up, because they were thinking about their mother's face.” (25:40, Welch, on authenticity and social pressure)

• On relationships and authenticity:
  “We are living Mary's dream of a life.” (30:04, anecdote on marital values conflicts)

• On bad career advice:
  “No, no, no, no. Really bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad advice.” (45:03, Welch on “follow your passion”)

Tools, Resources, and Where to Go Next

• Book: Becoming: The Proven Method for Crafting Your Authentic Life by Suzy Welch
• Values Test: thevaluesbridge.com
• Personality/Aptitude Tool: pi360feedback.com
• Cognitive Aptitude Test: YouScience.com (external, $40)
• Suzy Welch’s site: suzywelch.com (all resources listed here)

Episode Wrap-Up

This episode is a rich, no-nonsense guide for anyone who has ever wondered what they're meant to do next—drawing on science, reflection, and the messy reality of being human. Welch provides actionable frameworks and language for getting unstuck, making authentic choices, and fostering self-knowledge in life, work, and relationships.

For more resources—including meditations to clarify your values—visit danharris.com (some content requires a paid subscription).