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Archie Goodwin
Who follows transcribed in 30 seconds later tonight, over most of these NBC stations, Duffy's Tavern comes your way. And on the menu at Duffy's tonight, there's a blue plate special of grilled English language served up by the delightfully ungrammatical Archie. Plus laughs garnished with chuckles brought to you by Archie's remarkable crew. There's no cover charge at Duffy's Tavern. Just keep your dial tuned to NBC. And this Sunday means another broadcast of the Big Show. Your guests include Fred Allen, Douglas Fairbanks, Danny Thomas, and many, many more. Tallulah, of course, is your hostess on the Big Show. Ladies and gentlemen, that phone bell means adventure. Hello, Hello. The young man answering the phone is Archie Goodwin. The mountain of a man engaged in deep thought in the oversized armchair is Nero Wolf. Mr. Wolf, we've got a case. I'm not sure whether somebody's going to kill a rabbit or a rabbit is going to kill somebody, but either way it's going to be murder. Please, Mr. Wolf. Even orchids have to eat. Yes, sir. Mr. Wolf will take the case. As a matter of fact, he's working on it right now.
Nero Wolfe
Money work.
Archie Goodwin
Bah. Huh. Greatest detective in the world. Only trouble is, he is. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Archie is right. Nero Wolf is the greatest detective in the world. And the fattest and the least energetic. Nero Wolf, created by Rex Stout and brought to you over this NBC network in a new series of Adventures by Mr. Sydney Greenstreet. Tonight it's the case Nero Wolf likes to remember as the case of the Friendly Rabbit. He sometimes prefers his proverb. Scramble. It began in lots of places. Let's take a look at a few of them. In particular, the richly appointed library of a man named Veeck. Mr. Veeck, what's happening? Relax, Haynes. Your blood pressure. I thought it was a gag. But you really are shutting the club down. I'm shutting it down?
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Why?
Archie Goodwin
I got the joint roll and the suckers are pouring in. And next week the Governor's committee, huh? It's moving on to Baylor County. Our joint enterprises in Baylor County. I think the club needs a rest. Crime committee so rarely admire gambling. Oh, that's different. So it is. The club needs a rest, you need a vacation. Florida perhaps? I don't like Florida. Pick any place you like. Just so long as you get out of reach of a subpoena. The heat sign, huh? Boss, you've just coined a phrase that may very well catch on. Get out and stay out of the state until I send for you. Okay, Mr. Vin? Sure, Mr. Marshall. Yeah, that about covers us in Baylor. Am I right?
Nero Wolfe
You're right.
Archie Goodwin
The dear Governor's Deer Committee will be sorely disappointed. However, I doubt it'll give up quite so soon.
Nero Wolfe
I wouldn't think so.
Archie Goodwin
Therefore, have the truck driver deliver another shipment of carrots to the rabbit farm, eh, Marshall?
Nero Wolfe
Okay, Bo.
Archie Goodwin
Come in, Williams. Good afternoon, Governor. Good afternoon, Williams. I'm disturbed. The crime committee, sir. It was doing well? Very well. And then. I know, sir, There's a leak. Someone is passing on confidential information. Who? That's the problem.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Who?
Archie Goodwin
Started three weeks ago.
Nero Wolfe
A three man committee. Wilson, McCarthy, Tolliver.
Archie Goodwin
One of them. Williams? I'd stake my life, sir. No. Then who? You've forgotten. Collier, Committee secretary. You have reason to suspect him? No, nothing that means anything. Except you do suspect him. He's been watched. Telephone Calls, checked mail. I have no reason to suspect him. Except that one thing bothers me. What's that? He has a small farm in greendale county. He rarely went near the place in all the time he's been up here at the capital. But that suddenly changed three weeks ago. Yes, sir. He's been staying at the farm for three weeks. Is there anything unusual about that farm? Nothing unusual, except Jimmy Collier has gone in for raising rabbits.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Jimmy who? You.
Archie Goodwin
Oh, hello, clarence.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
You've been hiding from me.
Archie Goodwin
I've been out here with the rabbits.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Jimmy, what's wrong?
Archie Goodwin
With what?
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
You.
Nero Wolfe
There's nothing.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
You're lying. We grew up together, remember? We live next to each other. Jimmy, we were going to be married.
Nero Wolfe
Hey, wait a minute.
Archie Goodwin
We still are, last I heard.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
You haven't heard recently enough.
Nero Wolfe
What does that mean?
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
It means we're not getting married. But clara, you've been avoiding me and you've been getting money, lots of money from someplace. And in a shady way.
Archie Goodwin
I feel all right. You know. So what?
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
I've been concerned about your sudden devotion to these. These rabbits and the kind of men you've been seeing.
Archie Goodwin
What do you mean?
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Like the one up at the house now waiting for you.
Archie Goodwin
Oh, there's somebody waiting.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
That's why I came down here after you.
Archie Goodwin
I'd better get up there.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
He's a crook. Jimmy.
Archie Goodwin
Look, I. All right, I sort of got myself in a mess.
Nero Wolfe
I needed money and.
Archie Goodwin
But it's over, Claire.
Nero Wolfe
No more.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Are you sure?
Nero Wolfe
Of course I'm sure.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
I wish I could believe you for your own sake, but I feel I can't, not anymore.
Archie Goodwin
Yes, Mr. Wolf?
Nero Wolfe
Either stop breathing so heavily or take the evening off. Stop breathing?
Archie Goodwin
Old Dr. Titmouse wouldn't approve of that.
Nero Wolfe
Who in blue and assorted Blazes is old Dr. Tidmouse?
Archie Goodwin
My family doctor may have.
Nero Wolfe
Keep your puny mind, but you don't have a family. Answer the phone.
Archie Goodwin
Oh, but it might be a case. It might be very important. It might mean work. Mr. Wolf. Archie, w o r k. You've got.
Nero Wolfe
Millions in the bank, why worry, confound you? Do you want me to answer their phone myself?
Archie Goodwin
Now you've got me. No, Mr. Wolf. Couldn't let you knock yourself out lifting a telephone receiver near a wolf's office. Archie Goodwin, speak. What? Wait. Mr. Wolf is to go up to greendale. Oh, now look, friend, Mr. Wolfe does not go anywhere and that includes greendale. He wouldn't stir out of the house for anybody short of the. But I see. Yes, sir, in an hour. Goodbye, Mr. Wolf, brace yourself. You've got an appointment with a Mr. Williams at the Starlight Hotel in Greendale for one hour from now.
Nero Wolfe
You're insane.
Archie Goodwin
No, I'll admit I've been tempted.
Nero Wolfe
Fury. Were it not for the fact that often the native hue of resolution is sickly doer with a pale cast of.
Archie Goodwin
Thought, quoting Hamlet will get you no place.
Nero Wolfe
I would fire you.
Archie Goodwin
And then who would drive you to the Starlight Hotel in Greendale?
Nero Wolfe
I'm not going to Greendale.
Archie Goodwin
Nevertheless, in an hour you will be there.
Nero Wolfe
And who, may I inquire? Ceso?
Archie Goodwin
The Governor of the state.
Nero Wolfe
Is that all, Mr. Williams?
Archie Goodwin
That, Mr. Wolf, is all anyone knows about the situation. Except the guilty man, of course.
Nero Wolfe
An admirably clear summary, Mr. Williams.
Archie Goodwin
Obviously our meeting here at the hotel was necessary. I couldn't be seen entering your house, nor would it have been advisable for you to visit the governor.
Nero Wolfe
I can appreciate that. You're quite sure I need pay no attention to anyone on the committee except James Collier? Quite sure. Police surveillance of Collier is deemed unwise. He has certainly taken interest in rabbits. But although keeping them may perhaps be considered suspicious, it is hardly in itself of value. You have no other evidence against Collier?
Archie Goodwin
I know we're clutching at straws, Mr. Wool, but there is a leak and work is being nullified. Something must be done. Hence the governor's call for you.
Nero Wolfe
Very well, sir. I shall attempt to be more than a man clutching at a straw. I said attempt. Archie, unpack. We shall stay at Greendale, near Collier and his rabbits.
Archie Goodwin
Mr. Wolf. Mr. Wolf. Oh, naturally. I know that shutting your eyes and pushing your lips in and out indicates you're thinking feverishly, but there's nothing for you to think about. I accept your correction. What are you thinking about?
Nero Wolfe
Hotel babes. They're notoriously flimsy.
Archie Goodwin
Oh, you gave up on the case so soon?
Nero Wolfe
Fiddlesticks. I already know exactly what role the rabbits play in our problem.
Archie Goodwin
Therefore, we're going to drive out to Collier's farm. You are? While you test the hotel beds. Fine.
Nero Wolfe
It'll be necessary for you to spend the night at Collie's place. You drive out there and pretend you've lost a cylinder or something.
Archie Goodwin
Oh, a lost cylinder. Oh, my.
Nero Wolfe
Confound you, Archie. You can invent something plausible as a pretext. And if you are properly charming, Mr. Collier will, I hope, invite you to stay the night.
Archie Goodwin
And during the night, I sleep happily, breathing the fresh country air.
Nero Wolfe
Trust not.
Archie Goodwin
Okay, Mr. Wolf, I accept the assignment. I will learn all I can from Mr. Collier's rabbits. Incidentally, remember the play Harvey?
Nero Wolfe
I do. Why?
Archie Goodwin
Harvey was an invisible rabbit, a figment of a man's imagination. I hope this rabbit venture is more tangible, Mr. Wolf.
Nero Wolfe
It is, Mr. Goodwin. Will you desist in the part?
Archie Goodwin
Okay, okay. Oh, if anyone calls, just say I've gone out to Greendale to cross examine a rabbit.
Nero Wolfe
I think you're going to be quite surprised.
Archie Goodwin
Yes. Running out of gas. Me such a big boy. Hello.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Hello.
Archie Goodwin
That tree a friend of yours?
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
The tree?
Archie Goodwin
Yeah, the one you're clutching.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Oh, I. I was leaning against it.
Archie Goodwin
It's an idea, but not a good one. Trees are notoriously skittish. The instant you really need one, they're out sewing wild oaks or something.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
You sound as if you know a lot about trees.
Archie Goodwin
Oh, I do. I was brought up in one. Look. Now, if you really have to lean, I can recognize.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
No thanks, I tried.
Archie Goodwin
Nice moonlight we're having. My name is Goodwin and blondes call me Archie.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
I'm not blonde.
Archie Goodwin
Brunettes call me Archie too.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
And what do redheads call you?
Archie Goodwin
We'll just skip that.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Huh.
Archie Goodwin
And your name is?
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Claire.
Archie Goodwin
Claire. I approve. Now you may not believe this, but I have just run out of gas. You think I might wangle some up at your house?
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
My house? You mean Jimmy's house.
Archie Goodwin
All right, I mean Jimmy's house.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Well, I. I don't know. He might have some now.
Archie Goodwin
Why don't we go up to the house and ask him?
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Oh, all right.
Archie Goodwin
Jimmy who?
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Collier.
Archie Goodwin
Uh huh. I like to be formal when I'm borrowing gas. Would you mind waving your left hand in front of my nose?
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Waving, Mike?
Archie Goodwin
Yes, just try it. Don't worry, I won't bite it.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
All right, I did.
Archie Goodwin
And very gracefully too. No ring in the third finger. You're not Mrs. Collier.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
There isn't any Mrs. Collier.
Archie Goodwin
Are you applying for the position, Mr. Goodwin?
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
I.
Archie Goodwin
Now remember what I confided in you about brunettes.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
All right, Archie, you're a little rapid.
Archie Goodwin
Maybe, but I always remember what old Dr. Tidmouse said.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
What did he say?
Archie Goodwin
Gather ye rosebuds while you may, old time is still a flying.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Robert Herrick wrote that.
Archie Goodwin
He did? Dr. Tidmoss is a liar. How much farther is this house?
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Well, it's just beyond those trees. I.
Archie Goodwin
What, Luke?
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Oh, there was something ran across the path. It brushed my legs, frightened me.
Archie Goodwin
Must have been a rabbit.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
I. I guess it was. I'm sorry. They were silly of me.
Archie Goodwin
Oh, don't worry about it. Also, you will have noticed how much more satisfactory I Am than a tree. We're clutching at moments of stress.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
I mean, Archie.
Archie Goodwin
Mm. But you better let go now.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
What?
Archie Goodwin
I and we'll get onto the house. See, I don't need a haircut. And you're not the right type for Delilah anyway.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
You mean something by that? Something nasty?
Archie Goodwin
Well, that depends. What I meant is you've already signaled whoever you're supposed to signal. Nothing frightened you back there.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Why?
Archie Goodwin
That scream had a lot of carrying power. Oh, that's the house. Looks peaceful enough. Archie, who were you supposed to warn if anyone came up the path to the house?
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
No one. Something did frighten me.
Archie Goodwin
Honey. I've been lied to by experts and you're not one. Oh. Think I ought to knock? No, we don't think I ought to knock. Dark inside, except for a handful of moonlight filtering in through the window. Kind of early for Kylie to turn in, isn't it?
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
I wouldn't know.
Archie Goodwin
Let's go find out. Now relax. Relax. Grandpa's making one of the chimes. Time is. Yeah, 10 o'. Clock. It's getting late. Come on. This would be the living room. Filled with early American furniture. The early Americans would be pleased. Nothing here. What's that door lead to?
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
I. I don't know.
Archie Goodwin
Or won't tell. Smaller room. Dark as.
Nero Wolfe
Come in. Put the beer on it. Oh, you're not the bell boy.
Archie Goodwin
I'm sorry. I should have remembered to bring some beer.
Nero Wolfe
Indeed. And you are?
Archie Goodwin
I'm a fellow guest at this hotel, Mr. Wolfe. My name is Wieck.
Nero Wolfe
Wieck? Ah, yes. A criminal of moderate intelligence and immoderate pretensions.
Archie Goodwin
We won't quarrel, Mr. Wolfe. I've something to offer you. You and your boy Goodwin didn't drive up to Greendale for the exercise?
Nero Wolfe
I dislike. Exercise shortens life.
Archie Goodwin
James Collier lives nearby. The Governor's committee on crime is unhappy. There's been a leakage of information. It hasn't helped them in their work.
Nero Wolfe
But it has helped you.
Archie Goodwin
You wouldn't have left your house New York on any ordinary job. A request from the governor. However. Shall we stop fencing?
Nero Wolfe
I don't have to fence with you.
Archie Goodwin
The committee's work doesn't particularly bother me. I've already made my arrangements for retiring from active business, shall I say. However, I don't want you messing around in the meantime.
Nero Wolfe
Indeed.
Archie Goodwin
In your effort to discover how the committee's information leaked out, you might also discover a number of things about me that I prefer to remain undiscovered.
Nero Wolfe
No one has employed me to do anything about you, sir.
Archie Goodwin
Not Directly. But indirectly, you might have to. I want to insure myself against any such possibility. I want to make a deal with you. I'm ready to supply you with the name of the man responsible for the leak and papers proving his guilt. I have them here.
Nero Wolfe
In return. For which you expect a quick conclusion.
Archie Goodwin
To your activities and your return to New York, leaving my name out of your reports.
Nero Wolfe
I am neither a public official nor a philanthropist. I should do nothing about you unless it becomes necessary. You may remove your hand from your pocket. You wouldn't dare shoot me. Now then, the name of the man?
Archie Goodwin
James Collier.
Nero Wolfe
Proof of his guilt.
Archie Goodwin
These. A series of reports on the committee's meetings in Collier's handwriting.
Nero Wolfe
Thank you. Good night, sir.
Archie Goodwin
Good night. And I hope for your sake that we do not meet again.
Nero Wolfe
Archie, answer the. Oh, hello, Mr. Wolf. Yes, Archie, I'm at the Collier place. Since it takes only 10 minutes to get there, may I congratulate you on your speed?
Archie Goodwin
I've been at the Collier place for nearly an hour.
Nero Wolfe
Doing what?
Archie Goodwin
Oh, meeting Claire, for one thing. Discussing rosebuds.
Nero Wolfe
Your delay has been explained. Good night.
Archie Goodwin
And for another, I was being around when someone got murdered.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Ah.
Nero Wolfe
You laid hands on the murderer.
Archie Goodwin
No, the room was dark. By the time I got Claire untangled from me and started looking for somebody with a gun, he'd left.
Nero Wolfe
I see. And the dead man, of course, is James Collier.
Archie Goodwin
No, sorry.
Nero Wolfe
Found it.
Archie Goodwin
It had to be.
Nero Wolfe
Who was he?
Archie Goodwin
Total stranger. Ah, Chief, I'm not being difficult. There was no identification on him.
Nero Wolfe
Strange. And description?
Archie Goodwin
Early 30s. Height, maybe 5 10. Weight around 175 pounds. Blonde hair, blue eyes, very natty. Dresser suit, custom tailored with a built in shoulder holster. Don Juan shirts. Manicured, but very dirty. Fingernails. And the. Oh, company, please.
Nero Wolfe
Mm. Very well. You tell them whatever you think proper. Without mentioning the governor's committee, of course. You then bid them farewell and come to the hotel.
Archie Goodwin
Can't I say goodbye to Claire too?
Nero Wolfe
You cannot confound your Archie. Do you think I want to wait up all night?
Archie Goodwin
Police were not happy about letting me go, but I threatened to tell you on them, so they gave up.
Nero Wolfe
You have told me the entire story of what occurred at the Collier farm, Archie.
Archie Goodwin
Mm. All details, if you like. I wouldn't mind repeating the parts about Claire. You may call it phooey. I call it love. By the way, did you know that it was Robert Herrick who wrote that Found you.
Nero Wolfe
Be quiet.
Archie Goodwin
Okay, push your lips around. But you've missed something.
Nero Wolfe
I have?
Archie Goodwin
Mm. The burning question of the day. Night Rather, which is? Where is James Collier? Ah, stop buying. The cops want him on suspicion of murder. The way it shapes up, he shot our unknown pal and then headed for the nearest border.
Nero Wolfe
Nonsense.
Archie Goodwin
Mean he didn't shoot our unknown pal.
Nero Wolfe
I mean Collier's whereabouts are not a mystery.
Archie Goodwin
You know where he is?
Nero Wolfe
I know where he is.
Archie Goodwin
I don't believe it. You couldn't know. You haven't been out of the hotel. You haven't had any cold.
Nero Wolfe
Nah. Gee, I used my intelligence. If you had used yours instead of.
Archie Goodwin
Opening the girl, I still wouldn't know where Collier is. Never mind. I'm in. Impressed. What do I do now?
Nero Wolfe
You get Mr. Veek on the phone.
Archie Goodwin
Huh?
Nero Wolfe
He's staying here at the hotel.
Archie Goodwin
Old home week.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Operator.
Archie Goodwin
Mr. Veeck, please. Hello? Hello, Mr. Veeck? Who is this? Mr. Wolf wants to speak with you. Just a second. Here you are, sir.
Nero Wolfe
Thank you, Mr. V. Where were you at 10 o'?
Archie Goodwin
Clock? Why? On my way to the hotel.
Nero Wolfe
You checked in at 10:15, then came.
Archie Goodwin
Directly to your room.
Nero Wolfe
One other question. You have an employee, a man in his early 30s, blond haired, blue eyed and well dressed. Am I correct?
Archie Goodwin
Yes, that is Marshall.
Nero Wolfe
No, that was Marshall. Good night, sir.
Archie Goodwin
Having done that, whatever it meant, we now go to sleep.
Nero Wolfe
We go to the Collier farm.
Archie Goodwin
Okay, but why?
Nero Wolfe
Because, Archie, the time has come to cross examine the rabbits. Confound you, Archie, you're not driving a truck. Be careful.
Archie Goodwin
Truck drivers are careful also. They are courteous. Indeed. Furthermore, they will always stop to help a motorist in time of trouble.
Nero Wolfe
Archie, are you training to become a truck driver or have you fallen in love with a truck driver's daughter?
Archie Goodwin
Her name is Susie. Her hair the color of wheat fields at high new. Never mind turning purple. I'm about to change the subject. Boss, I have a theory. Stick to truck drivers as follows. Our boy Collier, who'd been selling information to Veek, had a change of heart and decided to turn ethical. But Veek's man, Marshall, at Veeck's orders, tried to apply pressure. So Collier shot him and. And headed for Canada.
Nero Wolfe
And the girls?
Archie Goodwin
Roight in my life. Oh, you mean about her playing sentry. Well, she's in Veek's employ too.
Nero Wolfe
Phooey.
Archie Goodwin
Don't like my theory?
Nero Wolfe
It's charming. It merely happens to be wrong.
Archie Goodwin
Merely happens to be? Why is it wrong?
Nero Wolfe
Because, Archie, of a dead man's dirty fingernails. Marshall's fingernail.
Archie Goodwin
Well, you made me bring you to the rabbit hutches. We have arrived. There are the rabbits. Go ahead, cross examine them.
Nero Wolfe
Good Many hutches. A large pen for the rabbits to run about in. Notice that they're old, cowering at the far end of the pen. Ran as we entered.
Archie Goodwin
That's because they don't like us, maybe, huh?
Nero Wolfe
One of them, however, seems to be friendly. The one up here at the corner opposite us.
Archie Goodwin
Oh, yeah, there is one here. He's not friendly, Mr. Wolf.
Nero Wolfe
Indeed.
Archie Goodwin
He's dead. Somebody stole in his skull.
Nero Wolfe
Interesting.
Archie Goodwin
What's interesting about a dead rabbit?
Nero Wolfe
He may be dead now, Archie, but he was friendly. Too friendly.
Archie Goodwin
Claire, this is Mr. Wolf. Mr. Wolf, this is Claire. Claire, I'm Archie.
Nero Wolfe
Ah, chair, Archie, chair.
Archie Goodwin
Try this one. Be gentle with it. If you break it, all the early Americans will hate you.
Nero Wolfe
It'll serve.
Archie Goodwin
Steady.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Well, now then, Mr. Wolf, I'm dreadfully tired. The police are idiots.
Nero Wolfe
What, for example, do they know that you were posted a sentry outside this house in order to warn James Collier of any intrusion?
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Well, they don't. I wasn't.
Nero Wolfe
Do they know that James Collier and the dead man Marshall were quarreling?
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
No.
Nero Wolfe
Do they know that James Collier had armed himself in preparation for this meeting with the gunman?
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
That isn't true.
Nero Wolfe
It is true.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
I don't have to say anything.
Nero Wolfe
You've already said more than enough with your actions, my dear.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
What do you mean?
Nero Wolfe
According to Archie's report, an Archie is always meticulously accurate. When you and he opened the door of the room in which the murder took place, you screamed at the shots.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Well, of course, any girl would scream with.
Nero Wolfe
Then you clung to Archie with sufficient force and for sufficient length of time to prevent him from chasing the murderer.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Why I?
Nero Wolfe
Because you had seen and recognized the murderer as the man you loved.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
It was too dark to see anything.
Archie Goodwin
True.
Nero Wolfe
Therefore you didn't have to see the man. You thought you already knew who the killer had to be.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
That's a lie.
Nero Wolfe
You're shielding James Collier, aren't you?
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
I'll never admit any of it. Never.
Nero Wolfe
May not be necessary. Haji.
Archie Goodwin
Yes, Mr. Wolf?
Nero Wolfe
Get hold of that policeman outside. And remember what happened to one particular rabbit. Well, look around for freshly dug earth. Midnight.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
What? What are we waiting for?
Nero Wolfe
A return.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Archie's.
Archie Goodwin
No.
Nero Wolfe
It'll take him longer.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Well, then who's.
Nero Wolfe
Mr. Veek's, of course. Complete with revolver. Come in, Mr. Veek.
Archie Goodwin
It couldn't have been easier. No one outside, only the two of you here. I warned you, Wolf.
Nero Wolfe
Fiddlesticks. You merely tried to use me as a prop for an alibi and a rationalization for a motive.
Archie Goodwin
I don't understand Mr. Wolf does.
Nero Wolfe
Indeed I do. Did you really think me fool enough to believe your proposal, Mr. Veeck?
Archie Goodwin
It was plausible.
Nero Wolfe
It was nonsense. You pretended you were handing James Collier plus the proofs of his guilt over to me in an effort to keep yourself out of the picture. But your proposition was silly. No matter how much I might have wanted to help you, I would have been powerless once James Collier went before a jury. You are too intelligent not to know that.
Archie Goodwin
That couldn't have given you enough to go on.
Nero Wolfe
It didn't. You yourself gave me more.
Archie Goodwin
I did.
Nero Wolfe
When you came to my room, you told me you knew Mr. Goodwin and I had come to Greendale, checked in at the hotel.
Archie Goodwin
I did.
Nero Wolfe
However, when I phoned you later and asked for an account of your movements between 10 and 10:30, you replied that you had driven to the hotel, signed in and came directly to my room. Obviously, you already knew of my presence in the hotel.
Archie Goodwin
How? I.
Nero Wolfe
Only one way you could have known. You had seen Archie at some time prior to the time you checked in at the hotel. And the only place where Archie was.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Was here at the farm?
Nero Wolfe
Yes. Which told me Mr. Wieck had been here at the time of Marshall's death. What was Wieck doing here? Only one thing. Murder.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Then he killed the gunman.
Nero Wolfe
No other possibility but Jimmy.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
I thought he did it.
Nero Wolfe
James Cully couldn't have killed Marshall because at the time he was killed, James Collier was already dead.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Archie.
Archie Goodwin
What's this?
Nero Wolfe
Let's play that gun first.
Archie Goodwin
My arm. That's nice and cooperative. So he'll be quiet for a while. The cop is back in the rabbit pen, Mr. Wolf, guarding Collier's grave.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Grave, Archie?
Archie Goodwin
Yeah, With James Collier in it.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Oh, poor Jimmy.
Archie Goodwin
Veek knew the expose was coming. He had to shut Collier up. So he had his gunman Marshall kill Collier and bury him in the rabbit run back of the hutches. You spotted that boss because of the dead rabbit.
Nero Wolfe
The others scurried away from the man who bore James Collier's body to that lonely spot. But one rabbit overcame his fear.
Archie Goodwin
He was too friendly and got killed for it. There was that.
Nero Wolfe
And in the dirty fingernails of Marshall, the gunman who killed and buried James Collier. Your description indicated extreme neatness. The dirty fingernails were a wrong note.
Archie Goodwin
Yeah, Indicated he'd been digging. So we know now, don't we? Vic killed his own trigger man to frame a dead man for it. Collier would be thought guilty. He'd be hunted among the living. And all the while. Oh, I. I'm sorry, Claire.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
It's all right. Archie, I didn't love Jimmy. That was all washed up. Mr. Wolf, I understand everything except why did Jimmy suddenly start staying at the farm with the rabbits?
Nero Wolfe
He knew he'd be watched. He couldn't risk conveying his information by telephone or the mails. Nor could he be seen holding conversation with men who might be traced to Veek. But who would suspect a truck driver delivering carrots for the rabbits as being the go between for Jimmy Collier and Veek?
Archie Goodwin
Nero Wolf. Which is why I hope there's an adequate bed in this house for Mr. Wolf.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
I'm sure I'll be able to find one.
Nero Wolfe
Splendid. Archie. You will have the police removed, Mr. Veeck. And then.
Archie Goodwin
And then maybe Claire would like to go gathering rosebuds, huh? By moonlight.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
I would like to as you go.
Nero Wolfe
Up to bed now. Seen the moonlight more times than I care to remember. However, while you and Miss Claire stroll through the moonlight. Archie.
Archie Goodwin
Yeah?
Nero Wolfe
You might remember that rosebuds have thorns.
Archie Goodwin
You have been listening to the New Adventures of Nero Wolf, starring Sydney Greenstreet. Tonight's transcribed story was based on the characters created by Rex Stout. This is an Edwin Fadiman program produced and directed by J. Donald Wilson. In the cast were Larry Dobkin as Archie Goodwin and Martha Shaw, Hal Gerard, herb Butterfield, Howard McNear and Bill Johnstone. Next week at this same time, Nero Wolf and Archie will bring you the case of the impolite corpse. Don Stanley speaking. Free chimes mean good times on NBC. There's no cover charge at Duffy's Tavern. Just keep your dial on. This NBC station this evening as Archie, the manager, played by Ed Gardner and his remarkable friends, serve up another blue plate special of grilled English language, fresh laughs and whimsy a la mode. Another Friday fun favorite is the delightful Life of Riley, starring William Bendix as the beleaguered Chester A. Riley. Now it's Sam Spade. Then the magnificent Montague on NBC. Hello, Is this Pacific Source Health Plans?
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
This is a health plan.
Narrator/Announcer
I'm trying to reach Pacific Source.
Archie Goodwin
I know I'll get a person on.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
The phone when I call them. What do you think I am?
Narrator/Announcer
I mean, you sound like a person.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
That's what counts. Automated systems can do a lot, even sound a lot like people. What automated systems can't do is offer.
Narrator/Announcer
The quality our members rely.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Empathy. When you call Pacific Source Health Plans, you'll talk to a person who cares.
Archie Goodwin
What did you say your name was?
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Nexa 9000. Hmm.
Archie Goodwin
Ladies and gentlemen, that phone bell means adventure. Hello? Hello? The young man answering the phone is Archie Goodwin. And the mountain of a man engaged in deep thought in the oversized armchair is Nero Wolfe. What was that? Somebody's gonna be murdered who has no manners. Well, what do you want Nero Wolf to do? Teach him manners. Oh, hold on. Mr. Wolf.
Nero Wolfe
Yes, Archie?
Archie Goodwin
We've got a prospective client. In case someone she knows gets murdered, she'd like you to do something about it.
Nero Wolfe
Very well. However, advice I.
Archie Goodwin
Yes?
Nero Wolfe
Not to get murdered herself. I never take a corpse for a client.
Archie Goodwin
Greatest detective in the world. Yes, Archie is so right. He is the greatest detective in the world and the fattest and the least energetic. He's Nero Wolf, created by Rex Stout and brought to you over this NBC network in a new series of Adventures by Mr. Sydney Greenstreet. Tonight, it's the Case of the Impolite Corpse. It began on a certain night at 8:40 when Walter Channing, an advertising executive, was dictating in his office to his charming secretary, Brenda Barclay. Brenda, take a memo.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Yes, Mr. Channing.
Archie Goodwin
This is to be mimeographed and sent to the entire staff.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
The entire staff? Yes, sir.
Archie Goodwin
Notice effective at once, one hour. Lunch periods will be strictly enforced. Employees will post time of departure and time of return. Yes, what is it, Mr. Channing? Bennett, I'm busy. Well, I. I've got to see you, Mr. Channing, about this afternoon. This afternoon was unfortunate, Bennett, but it happened. I lost my temper. I'm sorry. So am I, Mr. Channing.
Nero Wolfe
I've been with the firm 14 years and I. Well, because a man blows up once in 14 years.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Mr. Channing's office.
Archie Goodwin
Oh. You've got to reconsider, that's all, Mr. Channing. I never reconsider, Bennett.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
It's your wife.
Nero Wolfe
But Mr. Channing.
Archie Goodwin
That will be all, Bennett. It won't be all. You can't wipe out 14 years of a man's life.
Nero Wolfe
Even you can't do that. Channing.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
It's Mrs. Channing on the phone.
Archie Goodwin
Oh, hello. You're where? That's in this building. Since when has Dr. Ellis kept evening office hours? I told you, there's nothing wrong with you. No, I can't. I don't know when I'll be through and I don't want you hanging around up here. Well, take a cab or walk. I don't care what you do. What? I can't understand you. What?
Nero Wolfe
What?
Archie Goodwin
Goodbye, Doris. Where was I?
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Walter.
Archie Goodwin
Yes?
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
You are going to reconsider about Tom Bennett, aren't you?
Archie Goodwin
Bennett was insolent this afternoon. I won't tolerate insolence. Yes, shine, Mr. Channing. Shine? No. What's he doing down here this time of night?
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Half the staff's working overtime. Carrie is an enterprising shoeshine boy. Might have missed someone on his rounds this afternoon. Walter, a bar. Tom Bennett. Forget Bennett. Look. Do you upset the ink?
Archie Goodwin
Well, quick, blot the stuff.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Yes, of course. Did any spill on you?
Archie Goodwin
Spot my trouser cuff. Lucky you didn't get on the carpet.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Walter, about Tom Bennett.
Archie Goodwin
I told you to forget Bennett.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
All right, Walter, all right.
Archie Goodwin
Well, maybe you shouldn't. Maybe you'd be better off to use him as a model.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
A model?
Archie Goodwin
If he knows he's not wanted around here, he'll have the self respect to get out. Meaning? Well, you've known for a long time you're not wanted and you're still here.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
How you'd like to fire me.
Archie Goodwin
Denying that would be silly.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
I've been with this firm 15 years. In January, employees get a bonus of stock shares after 15 years service. That's what I'm waiting for and you know it.
Archie Goodwin
Suppose we get back to that memorandum.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
You'd like to get me out before I collect those shares, wouldn't you?
Archie Goodwin
I said let's get on with the memo.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
You'd be petty enough to do it.
Archie Goodwin
Too, if you knew how there may be a way.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
There isn't and you know it. I'm too careful. You can't fire me without cause. And I've given you no cause, Walter. Nothing you can possibly dictate. One of your vicious little memorandums about.
Archie Goodwin
Don't try my patience too far, Brenda.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Walter, this can't be us talking like this. You and me hating each other.
Archie Goodwin
I find it remarkable there ever was anything between us except hate. Walter, I mean it. Look at you. You were flashy when I met you. You're getting flashier. That means cheaper. Brenda, stop it. Too much lipstick, too much rouge, hair too bright, dress too tight. You're trying too hard, Brenda. You're labeling yourself like a sound wagon. I wonder what it is that stops.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Me from killing you.
Archie Goodwin
Cowardice, of course. Now, when you've stopped sniveling, we'll get on with a memorandum. You ready? Yes, I'm ready. Notice. In the interest of economy and efficiency, junior executives will confer in the conference room. Not in private offices. Mid afternoon coffee and personal phone calls and daily shoe shines will be eliminated.
Nero Wolfe
Your name is Barclay. Brenda barclay. Very well, Ms. Barkley. What can I do for you?
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Mr. Wolf, I. I don't know how to begin.
Archie Goodwin
Maybe I can make this easier all around by briefing Mr. Wolfe, on the Walter Channing case. Hey, that's funny.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
What?
Archie Goodwin
Violet eyes. I always thought there was something the poets made up.
Nero Wolfe
Archie.
Archie Goodwin
Huh? Oh, the ch. The Channing case. Yes.
Nero Wolfe
One moment, Ms. Barkley. Look this way, please. To me an eye is functional. Object found. Mammals, birds, fish, potatoes and horticulture.
Archie Goodwin
Thank you.
Nero Wolfe
Go on, Archie.
Archie Goodwin
Walter Channing was the boy wonder of advertising at 33. Executive Vice President of Winslow, Hart and StraightM. Just 24 hours ago they found him at his desk, shot through the heart. They?
Nero Wolfe
Who is they?
Archie Goodwin
A night porter and a shoeshine boy. Is that right?
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Yes.
Archie Goodwin
He'd been dead about an hour. The bullet went through Channing, his desk chair and lodged in the windowsill behind him. Police thought at first it was suicide. The gun.38. Found it on the floor, 10ft away. No fingerprints anyhow. No clear ones.
Nero Wolfe
Seldom are on a gun. But you say suicide was suspected. Why? The gun was 10ft from the body.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
It was the smudges.
Nero Wolfe
Smudges?
Archie Goodwin
Powder burns. According to the papers, he was sitting at his desk. There were no signs of a struggle. The gun was held against his chest and fired.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
But it wasn't suicide, Mr. Wolfe. Walter Channing would never have killed himself.
Archie Goodwin
The police have already decided that. Finally. According to the evening papers.
Nero Wolfe
And I presume you, Ms. Barkley, are the suspect?
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
No, not yet.
Nero Wolfe
But you expect to be. That's why you came to me when.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
The police talked to her. Doris, his wife. I've been Walter Channing secretary for eight years. At one time we. We thought we were in love.
Nero Wolfe
Mrs. Channing was aware of this?
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Yes. Oh, it was a long time ago.
Archie Goodwin
It was over.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
It was finished a long time ago. But she never believes that. Neither did Alan.
Archie Goodwin
Alan who?
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Alan Mealick, Head of the media department at the agency. We were going to be married when I. When Walter and I decided you were.
Nero Wolfe
In love, Ms. Barclay, who finally decided you were? Not you or Mr. Channing? He did.
Archie Goodwin
I see.
Nero Wolfe
Mr. Melick believes you did not share this change of heart.
Archie Goodwin
Yes.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Oh, he's such a fool.
Nero Wolfe
I dare say you fear Mrs. Channing or Mr. Melick or both, will reveal the ill fated romance.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
You know what the papers will make of it? What the police will try to make of it.
Nero Wolfe
Ms. Barkley, did you kill Channing?
Archie Goodwin
No.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Oh, no, I swear I didn't. Oh, Mr. Wolf, I didn't.
Nero Wolfe
Please, for heaven's sake, no tears.
Archie Goodwin
Archie.
Nero Wolfe
Put her in a cab.
Archie Goodwin
Yes, sir.
Nero Wolfe
Then come up to the plant room. There are some things I want you to execute for me.
Archie Goodwin
Yes, sir.
Nero Wolfe
Women Bah.
Archie Goodwin
Yes, Ms. Goodmohmite Jackson. A night for he was working late that night. Mr. Channing, his secretary, Mr. Bennett, Mr. Mealik and his secretary. About 10:30 I met the shoe shine Kelly on Mr. Channing's floor. Was a light burning in Channing's place. Who went in to turn it off? Kelly and me. And there he was sitting at his desk, a hole as big in his chest. Tell me Mr. Bennett, did Channing have any enemies in the agency?
Nero Wolfe
Channing was a slave driver, Mr. King.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
The girls hated him, the men were afraid of him.
Archie Goodwin
He'd send out memos like this one around here. Take a look at it. It's typical. No coffee, no shoeshines, no office conferences. If you want my opinion as one employee out of 150, whoever killed Walter Channing did the rest of us a favor. You're Amy Long, secretary to Alan Mealik. Now what can you do?
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
I can tell you plenty. How she jilted Mr. Mealy, took up with Mr. Channing, got thrown over by him. I wouldn't go so far as to say Brenda Barkley would murder anyone. But if she did, Walter Channing would be one a.
Archie Goodwin
Channing get his shoes shined by you.
Nero Wolfe
I called the agency man, sir.
Archie Goodwin
You know it was Jackson and me found him.
Nero Wolfe
Everyone else had gone and left himself, poor soul, sitting at his desk. Date. This specimen. A minimus tree orchid. Beautiful, isn't it? Mrs. Channing?
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Mr. Melik, I could never quite like orchids. They have no smell, you know.
Archie Goodwin
It's pretty all right, but tulips are more in my line, Mr. Wolf.
Nero Wolfe
Tulips, Mr. Melee?
Archie Goodwin
I had a stand of emperors this spring.
Nero Wolfe
Emperors. Come in, Archie. Emperors, Mr. Meelik.
Archie Goodwin
That's the name of a tulip, Mr. Wolf.
Nero Wolfe
A peasant flower. I've heard of it of course. Archie. Mrs. Channing, Mr. Medick, my assistant, Mr. Goodwin.
Archie Goodwin
Mr. Goodwin. Didn't know you had company.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Mr. Wolf asks us here to explain why Brenda Barclay is worried.
Nero Wolfe
And you have both agreed to restrict her position.
Archie Goodwin
Brenda ought to know I'd never tell the police anything to get her into trouble. Foolish, sir. He said Phooey, Mr. Meelik. Meaning he doubts what you say and does not admit your right to say it.
Nero Wolfe
Archie. Mr. Meelik, you say you'd never intentionally inform on Ms. Barclay.
Archie Goodwin
Certainly not the tongue slip, sir.
Nero Wolfe
We would expect you to guard your.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
What do you think what I started to say? You asked us here because Brenda Barclay is your client. I despise Ms. Barclay, everyone knows that and why. But I wouldn't stoop to implicating her in murder.
Nero Wolfe
You believe her innocent then, Mrs. Channing?
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
I believe she lacks the gumption to pull a trigger. Poison I wouldn't put past her at all. Mr. Meelik, would you be kind enough to see me home?
Archie Goodwin
Of course, Mrs. Channing. Good day, Mr. Wolfe.
Nero Wolfe
Good day.
Archie Goodwin
And Mr. Goodwin.
Nero Wolfe
You have, I suppose, an exhaustive report from me. Archie.
Archie Goodwin
Seven pages of notes.
Nero Wolfe
Save them and get me a bottle of.
Archie Goodwin
You're in a rosy mood. What happened?
Nero Wolfe
I said I would like a bottle of beer.
Archie Goodwin
No, you wouldn't. Archie, you better don't puff up about it. Those vest buttons won't stand the strain. I can't get you a bottle of beer. Why not? You ordered me to hold you to four a day.
Nero Wolfe
I rescind the order.
Archie Goodwin
You also ordered me not to let you rescind the order. What's the matter with you anyhow?
Nero Wolfe
I've had to entertain two very dull people too long.
Archie Goodwin
Both those dull people are prime suspects. Mrs. Channing is a woman scorned. Melek lost his girl to the guy who was killed.
Nero Wolfe
I can't blame her for throwing him over. Archie, the man grows tulips.
Archie Goodwin
What Tulips?
Nero Wolfe
Well, give me a report.
Archie Goodwin
I checked the agency, everybody who was working down there the night of the murder. Also, I dropped in on inspector Kramer at homicide. Also I visited the morgue.
Nero Wolfe
Why the morgue?
Archie Goodwin
Because if I hadn't you'd have said why not the morgue? Go on. I drew a blank there. Kramer. Let me look at the clothes Channing was wearing. There was an ink stain on the left trouser cuff. An ink stain and a hole through his shirt front with plenty of powder smudge. Like the paper said, he was shot with a.38 at point blank range. Sitting down an impolite corpse. What? Discourteous.
Nero Wolfe
He didn't rise to meet his murderer. That is most significant, Archie.
Archie Goodwin
I know. I've got a theory about this case.
Nero Wolfe
No theories, facts, if you please.
Archie Goodwin
But Look, Channing owned a.38, that's a fact. It's disappeared. That's another fact. The murder gun was a.38 with the numbers filed off. And it could be Channing's own gun.
Nero Wolfe
Thereby proving what, Archie?
Archie Goodwin
That his wife had access to it?
Nero Wolfe
Your theory involves Mrs. Channing then?
Archie Goodwin
And Melek. She decides her husband is less trouble to her dead than alive.
Nero Wolfe
A regrettable tendency of wives, have you noticed?
Archie Goodwin
And she sells mealik on the idea. Now that wouldn't be hard. They figure to make it look like suicide. But Meelik loses his head and runs. Drops the gun on his way out and you don't buy it?
Nero Wolfe
Enough of theories. The facts, Archie, out of your notebook.
Archie Goodwin
One, nine people were on the scene that night working late for one reason or another.
Nero Wolfe
Mrs. Channing tells me she was visiting a doctor's office in the same building.
Archie Goodwin
By the way. Two, every one of those people hated Channing. Three, here's a sample of why he wasn't popular. Memorandum dictated the night he was killed. The staff got it the next morning.
Nero Wolfe
A whip cracker, Mr. Channing.
Archie Goodwin
Fact four, the ink stain in this trouser cuff was partly rubbed out.
Nero Wolfe
With what?
Archie Goodwin
Cleaner of some kind. I didn't get brand. Fact five, there's a spot on the carpet near Channing's chair.
Nero Wolfe
Spot of what? Ink.
Archie Goodwin
Blood. Looks like ink.
Nero Wolfe
It looks like ink.
Archie Goodwin
Well, I didn't analyze it on the spur of the moment. My chemical set isn't working so good, boss.
Nero Wolfe
Archie, I want two things.
Archie Goodwin
Yes, sir.
Nero Wolfe
Get over to headquarters. The police have Channing's trousers. Suggest to inspector Kramer that he have the stain analyzed. Suggest also that the spot on the carpet be analyzed at the same time. Be around him when the information arrives.
Archie Goodwin
This is be kind to the police week.
Nero Wolfe
Phooey. I never have sought to beat the police on matters of fact, only on interpretation, deduction.
Archie Goodwin
Get going.
Nero Wolfe
Oh, and Arji?
Archie Goodwin
Yes?
Nero Wolfe
When you return, I should discourse upon the sanctity of desk hood.
Archie Goodwin
The sanctity of what hood?
Nero Wolfe
Desk hood. Now be off with you. And please remember you're tracking a murderer. Don't stub your toe.
Archie Goodwin
Goodwin. The thing on the carpet was a die of some kind. Die, huh? Mm. How long will it take the lab to give you the analysis on it, inspector? Oh, not very long. I've got the report on what was used on the trouser cuff right now, though. And they found traces of carbon tetrachloride. Wait a minute. This goes in the notebook. K. Carbon tetrachloride and something else. Goodwin, What's Wolf Afton interpretations Was what he said, inspector. You object? No. Maybe I'll get an interpretation too. The something else was perchlor. Ethylene perchlor. Why, inspector, such language. Oh.
Nero Wolfe
What? What? Archie, the phone.
Archie Goodwin
I.
Nero Wolfe
Not back yet.
Archie Goodwin
Hello?
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Mr. Wolf?
Archie Goodwin
Yes?
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
This is Brenda Barclay. Oh, Mr. Wolfe.
Nero Wolfe
What is it, Ms. Barkley?
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
You've got to come to Mr. Channing's office right away, Mr. Wolf.
Nero Wolfe
Mr. Goodman has been to your office. Everything I need to know.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
You've got to come, Mr. Wolf.
Nero Wolfe
Nonsense. I don't go out My digestion disapproves of it. I disapprove of it.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
But, Mr. Goodwin, he's in danger.
Archie Goodwin
What?
Nero Wolfe
What's that?
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Terrible danger. He needs you here at once, Archie.
Nero Wolfe
In danger? Let me talk to him.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Please. Come. Hurry.
Nero Wolfe
What's happening? Hello, Sparkly. Fritz, get out of the car. Bring me my wool muffler and worsted vest. See if you can find my galoshes. Confound it, I've got to go out.
Archie Goodwin
Going up.
Nero Wolfe
Step to the rear of the car, please. Mister, will you please step back? I'm back as far as I can go.
Archie Goodwin
You are elevators.
Nero Wolfe
Contraptions for little men. Come, come, take me up, young man. Hold it.
Archie Goodwin
Hold that car. I'm late for a date with a blonde. 16th floor, buddy.
Nero Wolfe
Evening, Mr. Goodman.
Archie Goodwin
Good evening.
Nero Wolfe
I was told you were in danger.
Archie Goodwin
Danger? I. Mr. Wolf, you would. What are you doing out down here? Sparkly's idea about me being in danger.
Nero Wolfe
Obviously she was lying. I suspected at the time and I fell in with her suggestion. I'm anxious to end the case. My presence here is needed.
Archie Goodwin
Don't understand why she'd do such a thing. And why is your presence needed, 16th floor?
Nero Wolfe
It's a matter of perspective.
Archie Goodwin
Brenda's got a very nice perspective. She'll be around here someplace. The agency's got this whole floor down this corridor next to Channing's. Oh, Kramer came through on those reports from the lab. That smudge on the carpet wasn't ink, it was a dye. Powdered aniline. Brenda.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Oh. Oh, Mr. Wolf, thank heavens you're here.
Archie Goodwin
Hey, I'm here, too.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
The police, they questioned me again this afternoon. I'm so frightened. Mr. Wolf, you've got to find the murderer before they.
Archie Goodwin
Before, baby, take it easy.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Oh, hello, Archie.
Archie Goodwin
Hello. What's the idea of trying to pull a fast one on Mr. Wolf?
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
I just had to see him. Please understand.
Nero Wolfe
Is this Channing's office?
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Yes.
Archie Goodwin
You told him I was in danger?
Nero Wolfe
At last, the place to sit down.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
I had to tell him something to get him down here.
Archie Goodwin
He's not happy. You comfortable there, sir?
Nero Wolfe
Ms. Barclay, come here.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Mr. Wolf, I can explain. I thought if you were here where it happened. I mean, if you could see for yourself, then you'd.
Nero Wolfe
Young woman, there are many things I'd like to say to you.
Archie Goodwin
Oh, now, wait a minute. She was scared, boss.
Nero Wolfe
However, I am too scared of breath to do them justice. Archie.
Archie Goodwin
Yes?
Nero Wolfe
Round up everyone concerned with this case right now, including Mrs. Channing. Get them in here.
Archie Goodwin
Yes, sir.
Nero Wolfe
You help him. Ms. Barclay, and close that window.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Yes, Mr. Wolf.
Nero Wolfe
Fresh air. I've had enough today, thanks to you, to last me a lifetime. If after all that exposure, I live a lifetime.
Archie Goodwin
What's going on here anyhow? A tea party. Find yourself seats. Keep your knees steady. All right, Mr. Wolf, everybody's here.
Nero Wolfe
Mrs. Shoeshine, Kerry.
Archie Goodwin
Here, sir.
Nero Wolfe
Here. It was you who found the body?
Archie Goodwin
Him and me. Ms. Wolf, I'm Abe Jackson, a night man.
Nero Wolfe
You gentlemen can help us if you will.
Archie Goodwin
Oh, to be sure, Mr. Wolfe.
Nero Wolfe
I'd like to know the exact position of the body when you found it.
Archie Goodwin
Well, he was setting up. That's it, sir. Sitting up straight, as you please.
Nero Wolfe
You'll oblige me if you demonstrate. Sit in the chair, please. His chair, sir, if you please.
Archie Goodwin
Abe, you. Yeah. Oh, no, no, not me. Not on your life.
Nero Wolfe
There's no easy thing you ask, Mr. Wolf.
Archie Goodwin
I.
Nero Wolfe
But I'll oblige you. So it was like.
Archie Goodwin
Like this, I'd say.
Nero Wolfe
You agree, Mr. Jackson?
Archie Goodwin
A little more right, maybe. Yeah. That's the way he was.
Nero Wolfe
Archie.
Archie Goodwin
Yes, sir?
Nero Wolfe
Help me with a brief recapitulation.
Archie Goodwin
Well, so far as we know, Channing made no outcry.
Nero Wolfe
Therefore he could not have been startled by the appearance of the killer.
Archie Goodwin
There were powder burns on the body.
Nero Wolfe
Therefore the gun was against Channing when it was fired. His own hand couldn't have held it closer.
Archie Goodwin
Nobody heard the shot, probably because this officer soundproofed. The gun that killed him was lying on the floor 10ft from the desk.
Nero Wolfe
In the direction of flight, through that door. Go on, Archie.
Archie Goodwin
The killer was almost certainly well known to Channing, or Channing wouldn't have let him come that close without a struggle or an alarm. Also, the killer had access to this office. Another proof that he's not a stranger.
Nero Wolfe
One more point, if I may, Archie. The killer, he or she is present here.
Archie Goodwin
Now be quiet, everyone.
Nero Wolfe
We come now to the point I mentioned to you last night, Archie. The point I call the sanctity of desk hood.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Sanctity of What?
Nero Wolfe
Desk hood, Mrs. Jenning. Explain, Archie.
Archie Goodwin
Still figure it's so important?
Nero Wolfe
Absolutely essential.
Archie Goodwin
I wrote it here somewhere.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Oh.
Archie Goodwin
Desk hood refers to that area behind a desk where a man earns his livelihood, makes his career, builds his reputation. You mean here where I'm sitting? So long as a man sits at his desk, he enjoys a curious area of privacy. He is remarkably safe from intrusion. That's it, Mr. Wolf.
Nero Wolfe
The sanctity of desk could think about it a moment. You'll see what I mean.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Nonsense. I've Gone around that desk hundreds of times. I'm sure she has many more. Hundreds? If you mean what I think you mean. Mrs. Channing.
Archie Goodwin
You are dazed, lady.
Nero Wolfe
Mrs. Channing, when you approached your husband at his desk, what did he do?
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
What did he. Why, he stood up and.
Nero Wolfe
He stood up. Ms. Barkley, you agree?
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Yes. He'd have to stand up. At least he always did.
Nero Wolfe
But for his murderer he did not. Archie, resume from your notes, please.
Archie Goodwin
Well, whoever killed Walter Channing went around the desk without Channing rising, held a gun to his chest and pulled the trigger.
Nero Wolfe
Excuse me. If you will go behind the desk and stand facing Mr. Kelly.
Archie Goodwin
Archie, here. This the way you mean?
Nero Wolfe
You know the angle of the body wound or the hole in the chair?
Archie Goodwin
There wasn't any angle. One was in a straight line with the other.
Nero Wolfe
From where you stand now in front of Mr. Kelly, if you wish to inflict an identical wound upon him, could you do it?
Archie Goodwin
Not from where I stand. I'd have to kneel.
Nero Wolfe
You'd have to kneel. Do so. No, please. The murder tableau. The question now, who could kneel before Channing if close enough to kill him from that position without alarming him in the least?
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Kelly, the shoe shine man.
Nero Wolfe
Hey, hey, wait a minute now. I.
Archie Goodwin
Shut up you and sit there.
Nero Wolfe
His motive is crystal clear.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
The memorandum.
Nero Wolfe
Memorandum? You have a copy?
Archie Goodwin
Aji in my notebook.
Nero Wolfe
Ah, yes. Ms. Barkley, read the part which could explain Mr. Kelly's action. No, no, it was all over the office. Kelly must have seen it.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Oh, wait a minute now. Notice effective at once. Yes, here it is. In the interest of economy, daily shoe shines will be eliminated.
Archie Goodwin
That'd cut off Kelly's bread and butter. Kelly.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
I can't believe it.
Nero Wolfe
Nor can I.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
What?
Nero Wolfe
It's obvious. Kelly murdered Walter Channing. Mr. Wolfe, now listen, I did nothing. But the obvious can be too obvious.
Archie Goodwin
Meaning what exactly?
Nero Wolfe
Archie.
Archie Goodwin
Yes, sir.
Nero Wolfe
Brief these people on the ink stained trousers.
Archie Goodwin
Channing spilled ink on his trouser cuff the night he was murdered. Somebody tried to clean the spot off.
Nero Wolfe
What?
Archie Goodwin
According to the police analysis, carbon tetrachloride and perchloroethylene showed up.
Nero Wolfe
Those non inflammable ingredients used in many commercial cleaners.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
Exactly what are you getting at, Mr. Wolfe?
Nero Wolfe
One moment, Mrs. Channing. Mr. Goodwin also has an analysis of the spot on the carpet behind the desk. Archie.
Archie Goodwin
A powder form of dye. Aniline Dye used in what perhaps? Well, the lab suggested a shoe dressing.
Nero Wolfe
I got no powder dye.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
I swear I ain't.
Nero Wolfe
Mr. Wolf, I'm sure you haven't, Mr. Kelly, you'll find this particular type of dressing is used on women's shoes. Suede shoes, usually.
Claire / Brenda Barclay / Other Female Characters
I don't understand.
Archie Goodwin
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Nero Wolfe
Yes, Archie?
Archie Goodwin
If a woman. Now, suppose a woman knelt in front of Chanie to clean that ink spot off his trouser cuff. That smudge could have rubbed off the tip of her shoe onto the carpet.
Nero Wolfe
Exactly. I believe you'll find a typewriter cleaner contains tetrachloride and perchlor. Ethylene.
Archie Goodwin
Something else just occurred to me. That memo was sent around the morning after Channing was killed. I never thought of that.
Nero Wolfe
True, Archie, and for only one purpose. To point suspicion at Kelly.
Archie Goodwin
But when the police didn't take the hint.
Nero Wolfe
Go on, Archie.
Archie Goodwin
What then? Somebody else was brought down here who would. Comes around to three questions, doesn't it? Who knew about the memo? Who had access to Channing's file, where he kept his gun, and who made sure Nero Wolf would see the evidence against Kelly?
Nero Wolfe
Three questions, Archie, with one answer. That spells the name of the murderess. Our own client, Brenda Bakke. Steak, Archie, marinated. You like it?
Archie Goodwin
I'm not hungry.
Nero Wolfe
Indeed. I suggest a tonic.
Archie Goodwin
That reminds me, I had a call you had. Doris Channing. She had some idea about my explaining things to her.
Nero Wolfe
She found my explanation insufficient?
Archie Goodwin
No, but she felt it lacked the personal touch. Phooey.
Nero Wolfe
Hand me a can of beer. However, you do have the evening off.
Archie Goodwin
Yes, sir.
Nero Wolfe
Keep out of trouble. Doris Channing is a blond. Let us try to keep out of trouble.
Archie Goodwin
In the company of a blonde who wants to. Good night, sir.
Nero Wolfe
Good night, AJI. Good night.
Archie Goodwin
You have been listening to the new Adventures of Nero Wolf, starring Sydney Greenstreet. Tonight's transcribed story by William Kendall Clark was based on the characters created by Rex Stout. This is an Edmund Fadiman program, produced and directed by J. Donald Wilson. In the cast were Larry Dobkin as Archie Goodwin and Donald Morrison, Betty Lou Gerson, Bill Johnstone, Howard McNear, Mary Lansing and Barney Phillips. Next week at this same time, Nero Wolf and Archie will bring you the case of the girl who cried Wolf. John Storm speaking.
Nero Wolfe
Near a wolf. Archie and all of our cast hope.
Archie Goodwin
That our listeners have taken time out from this busy Christmas season to help brighten some youngsters. Christmas Day, be sure to send a thing, your choice of anything you think a child would like for Christmas to the groups in your own town who are distributing these toy gifts to less fortunate children. Three chimes mean good times on NBC.
Podcast: 1001 Radio Crime Solvers
Host: Jon Hagadorn (Nero Wolfe and Archie portrayed by Sydney Greenstreet, Larry Dobkin, et al.)
Date: November 26, 2025
Episode: “The Brave Rabbit” and “The Impolite Corpse” (Nero Wolfe radio plays)
In this vintage double-feature episode, listeners are treated to two classic cases from “The New Adventures of Nero Wolfe,” featuring the eccentric, genius detective and his irrepressible assistant, Archie Goodwin. The first story, “The Brave Rabbit,” revolves around political conspiracy, corrupt officials, and a peculiar rabbit farm; the second, “The Impolite Corpse,” takes on a murder within a high-powered advertising agency, where secrets, jealousies, and ambitious careers all play into crime.
The episode beautifully captures the snappy dialogue and period flavor of golden-age radio mysteries, delivering clever plots steeped in character and atmosphere. It’s an immersive glimpse into the cerebral yet wry world of Nero Wolfe as he unravels mysteries with logic, sarcasm, and a refusal to leave his comfort zone—unless absolutely necessary.
[Begins ~02:57]
[32:03]
Wolfe is his usual mix of irascible, cerebral, and sardonic, while Archie is flippant, charming, and dogged. The script is packed with wit, period idioms, and detective fiction tropes, all delivered in brisk radio dialogue full of humor and snappy repartee.
These two Nero Wolfe mysteries showcase how golden-age radio masters the art of character, deduction, and entertaining sleuthing. Clever setups, distinctive clues, and real human foibles keep listeners hooked as Wolfe sorts fact from red herring—all with Archie’s wisecracks along for the ride.
Recommended for:
Fans of classic mysteries, radio drama, witty banter, and tightly-constructed detective plots.
(Note: All timestamps are approximate and may vary by podcast player.)