Podcast Summary: "American Horror Story: Tom’s Kids" | 2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

Release Date: September 9, 2024
Host/Author: YMH Studios
Episode: American Horror Story: Tom’s Kids

In this episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave, comedians Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer delve deep into personal anecdotes, touching on topics ranging from health struggles and parenting to the pitfalls of social media and unexpected celebrity encounters. Their candid and humorous conversation offers listeners an intimate glimpse into their lives beyond the stage.

1. Bert's Struggle with Nicotine and Reflections on Health

Bert opens up about his recent efforts to quit nicotine, sharing the intense challenges he faced during the withdrawal period. He humorously contrasts his experience with Tom's ongoing struggles, highlighting the physical and mental toll of addiction.

• Notable Quote:
  Bert Kreischer ([01:52]): "The withdrawals on Zen are insane."

Tom adds his playful commentary on Bert's progress, emphasizing the humorous side of their friendship.

• Notable Quote:
  Tom Segura ([02:07]): "Rogues have so much more flavor."

Bert further reflects on how quitting nicotine has made him more aware of mortality and his overall well-being.

• Notable Quote:
  Bert Kreischer ([03:00]): "I'm not going to quit drinking this week because we're on vacation. But if I can quit Zins, maybe I'll feel better about myself and I won't wake up thinking about death."

2. Parenting: Navigating Children's Awareness and Behavior

The conversation shifts to their roles as parents, with both comedians sharing insights into their children's perceptions of the world. Tom recounts a vivid story about his six-year-old son's dream involving chainsaws, showcasing the innocent yet profound ways children process complex themes like death.

• Notable Quote:
  Tom Segura ([04:53]): "He thinks about death too."

Bert echoes similar sentiments, expressing concerns over his daughters' health issues and the inevitable passage of time.

• Notable Quote:
  Bert Kreischer ([03:20]): "I started counting how many days I had left... How did I dodge these bullets, dude?"

3. Travel Tales: The Highs and Lows of Carrying Weed on Tours

Bert shares his adventurous experiences of bringing marijuana on tours, detailing encounters with customs officials and the humorous yet stressful situations that ensued.

• Notable Quote:
  Bert Kreischer ([15:36]): "I brought so much weed to Hawaii because what I start doing is I start going like, did you declare it on the agricultural checklist?"

Tom recounts a particularly intense story about a bus driver caught with a large quantity of weed, adding his own twist to the narrative.

• Notable Quote:
  Tom Segura ([16:31]): "Tell me that story again. Tell me that story again."

4. Fitness and Surfing: Balancing Health with Comedic Chaos

Bert discusses his rigorous fitness regimen and newfound passion for surfing, contrasting his health-conscious lifestyle with the less healthy habits observed in rural Georgia.

• Notable Quote:
  Bert Kreischer ([05:38]): "I have to live more unhealthy than these people, huh?"

He further narrates his surfing adventures with his wife Leanne, highlighting the challenges and unexpected turns in their relationship dynamics.

• Notable Quote:
  Bert Kreischer ([70:12]): "I was riding down the face of the wave, like, riding the wave a little bit and walking back... I could live. I can be married to this person."

5. The Dark Side of Social Media: Addiction and Mental Health

Both comedians delve into the detrimental effects of social media, discussing its impact on mental health, self-esteem, and time management. Bert reveals his alarming screen time statistics, even while attempting to quit nicotine.

• Notable Quote:
  Tom Segura ([54:42]): "I think it is a poison."

They contemplate the pervasive nature of social media and its ability to distort reality, drawing parallels to modern-day mental health crises.

• Notable Quote:
  Tom Segura ([56:19]): "When you meet someone who doesn't have social media, you're like, oh, you're not shooting up? You're not taking the poison? Because it is."

6. Fashion Fixation: Bert's Love for James Purse

Bert shares his recent obsession with James Purse's fashion line, especially the t-shirts, praising their style and comfort. He humorously discusses his attempts to connect with the designer and the unexpected friendships that followed.

• Notable Quote:
  Bert Kreischer ([65:40]): "I love all his clothes."

Tom teases Bert about the high price points of the merchandise, adding levity to the conversation.

• Notable Quote:
  Tom Segura ([65:28]): "Just $100T shirts."

7. Reading Challenges: Dyslexia and Book Habits

Bert opens up about his struggle with dyslexia, detailing how it affects his reading habits and his approach to tackling books. He contrasts his experience with Tom's more indifferent stance towards reading prologues and forewords.

• Notable Quote:
  Bert Kreischer ([49:38]): "I'm dyslexic, first of all, so I have a hard time reading."

Tom offers motivational insights into the importance of not forcing oneself to finish unenjoyable books, referencing advice from authors like Ryan Holiday.

• Notable Quote:
  Tom Segura ([33:33]): "You should quit it. If it doesn't grab your attention, it's not a good book. That's the author's responsibility."

8. Celebrity Encounters: Navigating Neighborhood Drama with YG and Machine Gun Kelly

Bert recounts his amusing and slightly chaotic interactions with neighbors, including famous rapper YG and Machine Gun Kelly. These stories highlight the unpredictable nature of fame and the paradoxes of maintaining normalcy amidst celebrity culture.

• Notable Quote:
  Bert Kreischer ([47:35]): "I was walking back from the gym, and the guy was like, do you like this car? And I was like, kind of shitty. And he goes, yeah, you have the same car? I do. He's like, yeah. And I said, my car doesn't look like this."

Tom and Bert further discuss the complexities of these relationships, emphasizing the humorous side of celebrity interactions.

• Notable Quote:
  Tom Segura ([73:33]): "That's awesome."

Conclusion: Upcoming Events and Closing Thoughts

As the episode nears its end, Tom and Bert briefly touch upon their future engagements, including bottle signings and tours. Their light-hearted banter continues, leaving listeners with a sense of camaraderie and anticipation for upcoming content.

• Notable Quote:
  Bert Kreischer ([73:43]): "I'm gonna go take kids college. All right. Yeah."

Final Thoughts:
"American Horror Story: Tom’s Kids" offers a blend of heartfelt reflections and uproarious humor, characteristic of Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer's dynamic. From personal battles and parenting tales to celebrity shenanigans and societal critiques, the episode delivers a comprehensive narrative that resonates with a diverse audience.