"Dancers" Would Drop Me Off At School w/ That Mexican OT | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Dancers" Would Drop Me Off At School w/ That Mexican OT | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Podcast Information:

• Title: 2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
• Host/Author: YMH Studios
• Description: Weekly, comedian best friends Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer get together in the bear cave at YMH Studios to do what bears do: make each other laugh.
• Episode: "Dancers" Would Drop Me Off At School w/ That Mexican OT | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
• Release Date: June 16, 2025

---

1. Welcoming the Guest and Cultural Background [00:00 - 01:05]

Bert Kreischer opens the episode by introducing their guest, Virgil, affectionately referring to him as the "Peruvian OT" and "Mexican OT." The conversation begins with a light-hearted attempt at speaking Spanish, highlighting Virgil's cultural heritage.

Quote:

• Bert Kreischer [00:00]: "I am here with the Peruvian OT and that Mexican OT. This is awesome. You guys want to do some Spanish real quick?"

---

2. Exploring Houston’s Urban Landscape and Rap Scene [01:06 - 05:27]

The hosts delve into discussions about Houston, contrasting it with cities like Austin and Lima, Peru. They highlight Houston's vibrant and chaotic urban environment, emphasizing its significance in the Texas rap scene. Virgil shares his admiration for Houston's authentic rap culture, mentioning iconic figures like Scarface and Slim.

Quotes:

• Tom Segura [01:05]: "Whole life. Whole life. But I used to go down there for my summers."
• Virgil [01:17]: "Houston is like... it's more OG for it because you have to come from there."
• Bert Kreischer [01:47]: "You can tell... people like Scarface, the whole Suc, the whole ABN, everybody."

---

3. Virgil’s Appearance on Joe Rogan’s Podcast [05:28 - 07:13]

The conversation shifts to Virgil's appearance on Joe Rogan's podcast, where Bert praises Virgil for dropping his persona and being his authentic self. Virgil reflects on wanting to make a good impression by staying on point, even abstaining from smoking during the interview.

Quotes:

• Bert Kreischer [01:48]: "I love when people show exactly who they are on Rogan."
• Virgil [02:28]: "I didn't want to look like a dumbass around him. I don't even know if he knows, but I didn't smoke the whole interview either."

---

4. Discussing Music and Project “Recess” [13:13 - 27:02]

Virgil introduces his upcoming music project titled "Recess," set to release in August. He elaborates on the concept, emphasizing the importance of embracing one's inner child to foster creativity and enjoy the process. The hosts commend Virgil for staying true to himself, which they believe is key to his success.

Quotes:

• Virgil [14:22]: "I still feel like I'm a kid. I still feel like homeboy beating on the table."
• Bert Kreischer [13:42]: "It's exactly what it is... I've been meeting up with all of these labels and shit."

---

5. Personal Stories: Upbringing and Family [28:03 - 39:46]

Virgil opens up about his challenging upbringing, detailing experiences such as his father’s imprisonment and his mother's strong presence in his life. He shares memories that shaped his character, including early exposure to rap and life in Bay City, Texas. The conversation touches on themes of resilience, identity, and the influence of family.

Quotes:

• Virgil [28:03]: "My mama told my dad she was on birth control, I think."
• Virgil [28:10]: "My mama was a gangster. She did great, but she was just too gangster."

---

6. Hunting, Animal Rights, and Personal Interests [09:11 - 18:55]

The dialogue transitions to hunting and concerns about animal abuse in industrial farming. Virgil expresses his desire to source meat ethically, inspired by Joe Rogan’s hunting practices. Bert shares his own lack of hunting experience but shows enthusiasm for the idea of ethical hunting among friends.

Quotes:

• Virgil [09:11]: "I could survive off steak, mashed potatoes, any barbecue."
• Virgil [10:45]: "I want them to... hunt their own shit. I wish that you could source that through a group of friends."

---

7. Cooking, Food Preferences, and Cultural Cuisine [07:09 - 09:25]

A segment focuses on cooking, with Bert discussing his passion for it and recounting a meal he prepared for the Black Keys. The conversation highlights diverse culinary preferences, including vegan options and traditional dishes, reflecting the hosts' cultural backgrounds.

Quotes:

• Bert Kreischer [07:32]: "I made lasagna yesterday or the other day for Black Eyed Keys."
• Virgil [09:25]: "Dude, please tell me you agree with this, bro."

---

8. Scuba Diving and Overcoming Fears [53:37 - 62:08]

Virgil shares his fascination with water and his desire to conquer his fear of scuba diving. The hosts discuss the challenges and thrills of underwater exploration, illustrating the balance between fear and adventure.

Quotes:

• Virgil [53:37]: "I want to do it because it's one of my biggest fears."
• Bert Kreischer [54:05]: "Scuba diving is interesting. Have you ever scuba dived?"

---

9. Interactions with Fans and Handling Fame [81:25 - 82:46]

Towards the end, the discussion shifts to dealing with fame and fan interactions. Virgil talks about his experiences at events like NASCAR, where his presence attracts immediate attention. The hosts offer humorous anecdotes about celebrity encounters and discuss the importance of staying authentic despite the pressures of fame.

Quotes:

• Bert Kreischer [84:18]: "When you walked into a room and you kind of pop... everyone turns and asks, 'Who's that?'"
• Virgil [82:04]: "Love the whole bear thing, too. You can't eat bear."

---

10. Closing Remarks and Future Plans [82:47 - End]

In the final moments, the hosts engage in light-hearted banter about future collaborations, vodka tastings, and upcoming projects. They reinforce their appreciation for Virgil’s authenticity and discuss potential joint ventures, blending humor with genuine camaraderie.

Quotes:

• Bert Kreischer [83:03]: "Congratulations on Recess. I can't wait to hear Project Recess."
• Virgil [83:16]: "Bless us, baby brother. So many more, cousin."

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Tom Segura [16:35]: (Skipped advertisement segment)
• Bert Kreischer [28:16]: "I have one of the most punchable faces in every fight."
• Virgil [33:22]: "I'm supposed to be going to Berlin to do the weed cup with my Buddies. And I really want to go to Japan."

---

Key Takeaways:

• Authenticity: Virgil emphasizes the importance of staying true to oneself, both in his music and personal life, which resonates strongly with the hosts.

• Cultural Pride: The episode highlights the richness of Houston’s rap scene and Virgil’s Mexican and Peruvian heritage, showcasing the influence of diverse cultures in the arts.

• Overcoming Challenges: Virgil shares his journey overcoming personal hardships, including his family background and challenges in the music industry.

• Passions and Interests: Beyond music, Virgil discusses his love for cooking, hunting ethically, and exploring fears like scuba diving, revealing a multifaceted personality.

• Handling Fame: The hosts and Virgil navigate the complexities of fame, fan interactions, and maintaining authenticity amidst public attention.

Conclusion: In this engaging episode of "2 Bears, 1 Cave," hosts Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer, alongside guest Virgil, explore a wide array of topics from cultural heritage and music to personal struggles and passions. Their candid conversations, sprinkled with humor and insightful anecdotes, provide listeners with a deep dive into Virgil's life and the vibrant Houston rap scene. The episode underscores the significance of authenticity and resilience, making it a valuable listen for fans and newcomers alike.

Transcript

[Bert Kreischer]

100%. I am here with the Peruvian OT and that Mexican OT. This is awesome. You guys want to do some Spanish real quick?

[Virgil]

Oh, he, me.

[Bert Kreischer]

Tom's mom's Peruvian.

[Virgil]

That's beautiful.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, man.

[Virgil]

How long you've been over. You've been over here your whole life?

[Tom Segura]

Whole life. Whole life. But I used to go down there for my summers. So you just spent summer there and go to school and stuff? Yeah.

[Virgil]

So is it like you in the sticks over there? Like, what kind of.

[Tom Segura]

No, we're in the. In the big Lima. So, like, we're in the city. City. Like, 20 million people.

[Virgil]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Big, big, big city. But then we would go, you know, I got to travel a lot. Like, because, like, in Peru, you have the jungle, the mountain, the Andes Mountains. You have the beach because it's coastal, so you can, like, travel all over, and it's amazing.

[Virgil]

Does it look new? Like, Houston is huge, but it look old. Oh, I feel like Austin look new.

[Bert Kreischer]

Austin looks new.

[Virgil]

It does.

[Bert Kreischer]

Houston does look old.

[Virgil]

It does.

[Tom Segura]

You feel like it looks old.

[Virgil]

Yeah. I mean, yeah. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

When you're in the city. City.

[Virgil]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

It's a chaotic city.

[Virgil]

Houston.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Virgil]

Oh, it's too much, bro.

[Tom Segura]

I feel like it's chaos.

[Virgil]

Like, I go there, don't get it up. I love Houston.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I do, too, but it is chaotic.

[Virgil]

Oh, bro, it's too much.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Virgil]

Yeah. I do love my boys out there, though. Shout out to the age, man.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Virgil]

I just can't do it. It's. I like being quiet. I like being able to do what I want to do.

[Bert Kreischer]

Houston. Houston is the rap scene in Texas, correct?

[Virgil]

Yeah, I want that. I mean, we got Dallas, too. You know, Austin even got some cool. But definitely, Houston is like.

[Tom Segura]

It's more OG for it because you.

[Virgil]

Have to give, like, just come from there.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. I mean, like Scarface, right? Like, he's a Houston guy, man.

[Virgil]

Slim, zero, the whole suc, the whole abn, everybody. Yeah. Paul.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, It's Houston.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Virgil]

All that shit.

[Bert Kreischer]

You said something on Rogan. When you're on Rogan, which was one. It's my favorite appearance. I love when people show exactly who they are on Rogan.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

And you can tell. And you know, I love Joe, but Joe sometimes doesn't know how to handle super, super realness. Cause he's in control. You walked in and you were like, my dad's a huge fan. And Joe's like, well, I'd love to meet your dad. And you go, you just met him. And he's like, I did and then you. And then you went off. You started talking about your mom and what a gangster she was and how you lost her at 8 and how you've been a man. And, man, it was so fun to listen to you because you could tell you're a fan of Joe's, that you were excited to be there, that you got this Persona, but you dropped it and you were just Virgil.

[Virgil]

Yeah, man. I mean, first of all, I don't know what else to be, but I just. I know he's a brilliant mind, and I did. I didn't want to look like a dumbass around him. I don't even know if he knows, but I didn't smoke the whole interview either.

[Bert Kreischer]

Really?

[Virgil]

Yeah, I just. I just wanted to be on point with him. I just wanted to. Cuz, like, I know he. With my music. I didn't want to give him anything that was less to make him be like, oh, I don't like this dude.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah.

[Virgil]

You know what I'm saying? I just wanted to be on.

[Tom Segura]

You wanted to be more in control, too, right?

[Bert Kreischer]

Like, yeah.

[Virgil]

That's all it was.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah.

[Virgil]

I. With Rogan, though, tough man. He got some cool even from Fear Factor, you know what I'm saying?

[Tom Segura]

Fear Factor was fun, dude.

[Virgil]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

That.

[Tom Segura]

Those days, like, when he was just on that show and that's. I think that's probably when he was. That's not long after he. See, he used to. Not with weed, so people don't know that, like, he was like.

[Bert Kreischer]

He was what they call a drip.

[Virgil]

He was cocaine.

[Bert Kreischer]

Like, you think he's a cop?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, he was, like, not into it. And then I think when he, like, was really progressing through jujitsu, now he's, like, all in. But yeah, his. Like, his closest. One of his closest buddies, Eddie Bravo, who's like a Jiu Jitsu savant.

[Virgil]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

Is re. Like loves weed and actually says that, like, you know, it helps you in Jiu Jitsu.

[Virgil]

Wow.

[Tom Segura]

And then. So Joe got into that, I think, in that era, in the Fear Factor era. And you could see, like, footage of him before he smokes weed and then after.

[Virgil]

Yeah, no, definitely.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Because I think he would be pretty high in those broadcasts towards the end.

[Virgil]

Who was. Who was hosting it after him? There was. It came back. Was it Tracy?

[Bert Kreischer]

No, no, no, it was him.

[Tom Segura]

It was him. And then they had. Then they had like, a third return.

[Virgil]

Yeah, maybe it was a third somebody else. I think it was Tracy Morgan. Right.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know. That'd be perfect host for that show.

[Virgil]

I think it was Tracy Morgan.

[Tom Segura]

It might have been.

[Virgil]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Dude, let me ask you this because I've been. I think about this all the time. Cuz I lived here 19 years before I moved to Austin and there is such a difference in Mexican food.

[Virgil]

Oh, oh, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And Tex Mex and Cali, like here.

[Virgil]

Well, first of all, I think they use goat out here a lot.

[Bert Kreischer]

Goat?

[Virgil]

Yeah, we use. We eat it with brisket. Like Biryan. Yeah, it is goat that if out here. It is.

[Bert Kreischer]

I think I've been cooking it wrong.

[Virgil]

You use brisket, right?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, I use brisket.

[Virgil]

Nah, that's the cool way. Yeah. I mean, to me, that's the right way.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Virgil]

Some people like that goat meat though. Really? It's just. It's too something for me. It's too. Have you not.

[Tom Segura]

Have you done tacos here and then in. In Texas?

[Bert Kreischer]

I don't think. Yeah, of course. I.

[Virgil]

That's some Tex Max ass.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's the. That's where it's like the burrito.

[Virgil]

Deep fried.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, deep fried. Yeah, I have. Yeah. But I think just at Water Burger.

[Virgil]

What the. A chimichanga at Water Burger.

[Bert Kreischer]

I With Water Burger.

[Virgil]

I with water beasy too, but a chimichanga.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Virgil]

That boy is different.

[Tom Segura]

You were with Whataburger, probably in Tallahassee.

[Bert Kreischer]

Tallahassee, yeah.

[Virgil]

So I don't.

[Bert Kreischer]

I don't drink and drive.

[Virgil]

No.

[Bert Kreischer]

But I also. I don't count drinking. I don't count drinking and driving to Water Burger.

[Virgil]

That's the only exception.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. Like if you got pulled over and you were like, but I'm just going to Water Burger.

[Virgil]

He's gonna be like, oh, bet I'll let you go.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, it's like when. Remember when Charles Barky got pulled over and he was like, let me explain something. Yes, I am drunk, but I'm going to get my dick sucked. And as if the cops are like, no, I get him.

[Virgil]

I got. Yeah, yeah. Nah, I ain't gonna lie. You know, it's killing Whataburger to me though. Whataburger. And in and out. The five guys, bro.

[Tom Segura]

Five guys.

[Virgil]

Goodness.

[Tom Segura]

Do you put them at the top?

[Virgil]

I've definitely put them for me personally.

[Bert Kreischer]

For you?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Virgil]

I smack that down. Basket of fries, the whole bag of fries. And I just like that burger because it melts like that. Just. It just. It tastes and feel like a burger supposed to taste and feel.

[Tom Segura]

I'm biased. Like, I have a lot of love for in n out, but when Shake Shack started with those smash Burgers. Something about a smash. Like, the simplicity of it. And that griddle they use to like to. You know what I mean, for that meat. I love a Shake Shack.

[Bert Kreischer]

There's a burger they have in an airport. I think it's in Cincinnati, where they. They put so much cheese on it, it, like, hardens and it. And it. And it falls over the side.

[Virgil]

Y' all ever have fud ruckers? Remember, Fud ruckers was the best. It was.

[Tom Segura]

They have, like, 45 options of birds.

[Bert Kreischer]

There were two places in the world where my dad would tell me, my dad would shut it down. At Fud Ruckers and at Bennegan, whenever I saw fajitas, he'd like, forget about it, buddy. Oh, my God. That's. Oh, my God. No, it's like old school, 80s thing. It's like the first place to introduce fajitas to white people.

[Virgil]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

And then be Fud Ruckers. They let you build your own burger.

[Virgil]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

And, man, my. Even as, like, a 10 year old, I'd be like, I need one pound burger. I need big bun. I need extra cheese. My dad's like, buddy, you're £100.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, I know.

[Virgil]

Can y' all cook?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Virgil]

I can't cook for you.

[Tom Segura]

Love to cook.

[Bert Kreischer]

I love cooking. I have a cooking show. Yeah. That's why we bought this house, to do my cooking show here. Damn, I love to cook.

[Virgil]

What's your favorite thing to cook?

[Bert Kreischer]

I mean, honestly? I mean, I made lasagna yesterday or the other day for Black Eyed Keys. Black. Black Keys.

[Virgil]

Oh, the Black Keys.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Virgil]

You talking about.

[Bert Kreischer]

You know, I made them shrimp and grits. It was crazy. With caviar on top.

[Virgil]

I put sugar in my grits. I don't know if I'm tripping or not.

[Tom Segura]

That's a little spin on it. I like it.

[Bert Kreischer]

Cheese and butter. You might be related to my wife.

[Virgil]

No, Maybe. Maybe it's just a Southern thing.

[Tom Segura]

That's a Southern thing for sure.

[Virgil]

I've always wanted to, like. I wish I can cook, though.

[Bert Kreischer]

Really?

[Virgil]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

I.

[Virgil]

When I was a kid, I was. I was. I learned how to make eggs, but then I forgot.

[Tom Segura]

Please cut that out and use that as a promo. I forgot how to make eggs. We got to do a tutorial today. Wait. What's your favorite way. I love eggs. What's your favorite way to have eggs?

[Virgil]

Man, I got to have it as an omelette.

[Tom Segura]

An omelet?

[Virgil]

Yeah, I think I got an omelette.

[Tom Segura]

We should do an omelette.

[Bert Kreischer]

Hold on. French omelette. Have you heard of French omelette? No, T. So French omelette is like the perfect omelette, but they make it a certain way. There's a certain way to cook it. Just like French scrambled eggs.

[Tom Segura]

Soft.

[Bert Kreischer]

Are super soft and super runny.

[Virgil]

I don't think I've ever had anything French besides toast.

[Tom Segura]

So you gotta have a. You gotta try French style. Also, like the tr. You like salmon? Do you like fish?

[Virgil]

Actually, I do love salmon. My dad, he used to make me salmon, and he would, like, get cranberries and shove them in the patty and then cook it like that.

[Tom Segura]

Dude, like, the traditional French way of making a salmon fillet is so simple. It's the best thing, the best way to have salmon.

[Virgil]

I ain't gonna lie. What, like steak, mashed potatoes, Any barbecue? Yeah, I could survive off that.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, sure.

[Virgil]

Those things I love.

[Tom Segura]

The only thing I do, like, regularly.

[Virgil]

Bacon.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah, I do. I do steak a lot.

[Bert Kreischer]

I'm a big steak. I made Leanne Wagyu, New York strip with mashed potatoes the other night.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, the thing.

[Virgil]

Dude, please tell me you agree with this, bro. So I seen this dude, and he had a undercover camera on him, and he snuck into a cow farm, and, bro, the way they treated these cows was horrible. Have you ever seen people like. People like that deserve that? You need. You need to go to hell.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that's bad.

[Virgil]

You know what I'm saying? Because, like, with doing a human crazy, it's like, all right, sometimes people deserve to get slapped shit out of. Yeah, yeah, that animal, bro.

[Tom Segura]

The animal abuse, like, in some of those. It's gross.

[Virgil]

Hey, that is brutal, bro. So anyways, like, you know that, like, that energy is real.

[Bert Kreischer]

I think it goes into your body.

[Virgil]

And they mass produce, so they. This. This animal, full fear, full just being. You know what I'm saying? Like, anything that's just bad.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Virgil]

And then it's. It dies. And it has that energy still. Then they feed it to us.

[Bert Kreischer]

I want them. Oh, you know what I want them to do? I want them to. I mean, I kind of like the idea of what Joe does, where he hunts his own shit. I wish that you could source that through a group of friends.

[Virgil]

Right?

[Bert Kreischer]

The three of us could go in on an elk.

[Virgil]

Damn, that's a business.

[Bert Kreischer]

I would do it if you told me, like, if you said, like, the three of us within a year are gonna eat two cows, two pigs, two elk, and we just put our money in for the year and we know it gets shipped to us. And we know that it was haunted or it was killed humanely. Like I would be into that. That's why I don't eat octopus anymore.

[Virgil]

Do you like hunting?

[Bert Kreischer]

Never hunted.

[Virgil]

How the. I need to take you hunting. How do they kill, bro? Wow. I'll give you. We'll get like five pounds of tannerite, put dog food on that and then let like a family of 30 pigs get on there, blow them all over.

[Bert Kreischer]

We got to do that.

[Virgil]

We do.

[Bert Kreischer]

Dude, shooting is fun.

[Virgil]

As I have you in a helicopter shooting.

[Bert Kreischer]

Really?

[Virgil]

Hell yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Those are the invasives. We have those in Florida. Those pores that. Yeah, bro.

[Virgil]

Like, I mean imagine for five years, you and your boy growing this garden and in the night, you know what I'm saying? In one night, the whole family of like 50 pigs just take it all out.

[Tom Segura]

Holy.

[Virgil]

And they took your dog.

[Tom Segura]

If you like to hunt, by the way, go to Australia.

[Virgil]

Australia? Yeah. What are you catching out there?

[Tom Segura]

Well, first of all, there's any time of year you can kill a kangaroo.

[Bert Kreischer]

No. Are you serious?

[Virgil]

Hunting kangaroos a thing.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, you can go up to with a knife and just slit its throat. And they're like good. Cuz they see it as like. Like a. Like a. A rat infest.

[Virgil]

They are overrun.

[Tom Segura]

Like the bores. Yeah, yeah. You can just go up and kill at any time.

[Virgil]

That's insane.

[Bert Kreischer]

For real?

[Tom Segura]

Yes.

[Bert Kreischer]

What the.

[Virgil]

A kangaroo?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, it's a problem. Like they all. Some of them are 70 foot, right? No, I don't think that tall, but can you google that? Yeah, it's.

[Virgil]

I remember Kangaroo Jack, the movie. Yeah, that was my. How tall here with the Twizzlers.

[Bert Kreischer]

Six feet.

[Tom Segura]

Six feet.

[Virgil]

Oh, that's.

[Tom Segura]

I mean that's still pretty big, man. Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Did you ever see the shaved kangaroo?

[Tom Segura]

See the jacked ones?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, they're jacked as.

[Virgil]

Yeah, Same thing with the bears.

[Tom Segura]

You know what they'll do too, right? Like a really aggressive one. They'll sit back on their tail. The tail will hold them up and then the. The town, they can disembowel you. They can split you right open.

[Virgil]

Dude. Yeah, bro. Look at that. Looks like Rogan. Hey. No, when I went to give him a hug, I was like, you're stiff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like holding a cinder block.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, he's a lunatic. Yeah, he's never been out of shape. That's the thing. He's just never been out of shape.

[Virgil]

And then bro, he was. I. I saw the interview. He was talking about those neuro gums or the mints. Have you tried those? Yeah, I've been wanting to get them.

[Tom Segura]

They're great.

[Virgil]

Yeah. You with them?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, they really work. They really. They're great.

[Virgil]

Yeah, man. Because that, bro. Cause, you know, I'm high all the time, and I like being on point, and sometimes I just be high, you know?

[Bert Kreischer]

Do you show tonight?

[Virgil]

No, no, sir.

[Bert Kreischer]

We just out here partying n hell.

[Virgil]

Nah, I don't really party too much. I. I just came out here to promo. Oh, really? I got my, my project Recess coming soon. Yeah, so I just been with that.

[Bert Kreischer]

I love your style because you, you have, you have, like, tradi. What you call traditional rap, and then you have. What is it? Cowboy Killer. It's a little more fun. And you, you just kind of take.

[Virgil]

I got to send you the project.

[Bert Kreischer]

The new one with Lil Wayne's.

[Virgil]

Awesome. Thank you, bro. I got one called Weed Eater. All. You got to jam it.

[Bert Kreischer]

God, man. It's just, it's like the thing I love about comedy is when, you know, look, there's certain guys have a certain angle, and they do it a certain way, and then there's guys who just around you just have. Everything's funny to them. They just want to laugh. I got an ashtray.

[Virgil]

Thank you, cousin.

[Bert Kreischer]

But that's what I love about your style.

[Virgil]

Thank you, bro.

[Bert Kreischer]

Is. It's, it is. It's just what you find fun.

[Virgil]

And it's exactly what it is. Like, I've been meeting up with all of these labels and shit, and they're like, well, why are you calling the project Recess? And it's. I still feel like I'm a kid. I still feel like homeboy beating on the table, table. And we're at the lunchroom, and we're just going in. My dad's a personal trainer, and when he trains people, he tells them all the time. He tells them all the time. Excuse me. You stop working out when they took Recess out of your life. You know what I'm saying? So when you come in here, don't look at it like going to the gym. Just be a kid. Just come in here and have fun, dude.

[Tom Segura]

That's a great perspective. Yeah, that's great.

[Virgil]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

So.

[Tom Segura]

And it's, it's great for, like, fitness, health stuff, but it actually, like, is something that, like, as adults, I feel like we should embrace for our creative, too. Like, how fun.

[Virgil]

You know what I'm saying? Like, man, like, I, I. It's working for me because I'm still being a kid with this. You go on that stage and you still being that kid. You know what I'm saying? And I think that's why I work and that's why I feel good.

[Tom Segura]

I think that's what, like when I did the. The show Bad Thoughts.

[Bert Kreischer]

He has a show on Netflix called Bad Thoughts.

[Virgil]

So nasty.

[Bert Kreischer]

Have you seen it?

[Virgil]

No.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Hysterical. And it's, it is just. It is his sense of humor.

[Virgil]

Yeah. I've been on Trailer Park Bros Boys lately.

[Tom Segura]

They're great. But my thing is that like, I. I think I had more fun making that show than almost anything I've ever done because it was just.

[Virgil]

Just feel good being.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, it was recess. It was recess. Exactly right. Summer's here. Set those legs free with the line swim collection from Chubby's. Ditch the jeans and sweats for swim trunks built for comfort featuring quick dry stretch fabric and a legit built in liner. No chafing, no soggy butt, no mesh disasters. Even better. Chubby's biggest sale of the year is on $45 bottoms and up to 65% off select gear. Time to toss those old trunks and upgrade your summer fit from the couch to the cookout. Chubby's originals are built for comfort with a stretchy fit and laid back style. Pair them with a performance polo structured collar, four way stretch and wrinkle free for instant. I tried but not too hard energy. I love these shorts and these trunks. It's time to get rid of the old stuff. These are comfortable, they fit great and they look great. So don't wait for a very limited time. Shop Chubby's biggest sale of the year for $45 shorts and up to 65% off select gear. You hit up chubby shorts.com and grab your favorites before they're gone. Miss the sale. Don't sweat it. Use our exclusive code CAVE C A V E for 20% off. Support the show. Let them know we sent you when the survey asks and get ready to turn some heads. Summer's here. Dress like it in chubbies.

[Bert Kreischer]

If you run a small business, you know there's nothing small about it, buddy. Ain't that the truth. It keeps you up at night. At night you're thinking about your business. As a business owner, I just want to say I get it. My business is and always has been all consuming since the day I started it. Every day there's a new decision that it seems only I can make. And even the smallest decision can sometimes feel absolutely massive. The thing that helped me the most when all these decisions started to feel daunting was to Know that I had the right platform with all the right tools that I needed to be successful. And I want to introduce you to my partner in business, my friends and a podcast sponsor, Shopify. Bro. If you have a business, Shopify is your best friend. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world. And 10% of all E commerce is in the US from household names like Mattel and Gymshark to brands just getting started. Tackle all the important tasks in one place. From inventory to payment to analytics and more in person, more your thing. Shopify's award winning point of sale connects your online and offline sales all in one place. With 99.99% uptime and the best converting checkout on the planet. You'll never miss a sale again. Only with Shopify. Trust me when I'm saying we all have big dreams. And those big dreams turn into our businesses and our businesses and our dreams mesh into one. And then one day you got your head on your pillow and you're stressing about your dreams and your business and your business and your dream all supporting your family. And now you're thinking about college. It is nice to know that Shopify has your back. Get all the big stuff for your small business right now with Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com bears. Go to shopify.com bears shopify.com bears that's exactly right.

[Tom Segura]

It was so fun, man.

[Bert Kreischer]

I look at what like, I know you're friends with Ralph.

[Virgil]

Yes.

[Bert Kreischer]

And.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, Ralph. Shout out to Ralph.

[Bert Kreischer]

Ralph, did you know Kenny Flores?

[Virgil]

The can, the one that passed?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Virgil]

I didn't know him too much. I definitely was seeing his shit and thought he was fucking funny.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, he was. He was hysterical.

[Virgil]

I believe it.

[Bert Kreischer]

He was hysterical. Renee Vaca. And like, I love, I love with that whole circle. Yeah, I love that whole circle. So fun when I see you guys.

[Virgil]

Because you guys.

[Bert Kreischer]

And it's. It's interesting. We were talking about Ralph. I know Ralph doesn't like this being brought up too much. But white people wanted to put Ralph in a. In a box and be like, so you're Mexican comic. And then Ralph's like, no, I'm a comic.

[Virgil]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. He's like, I'm not like, like this.

[Virgil]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Or whatever. And white people couldn't understand it. And when I see you guys and I see what you guys are doing, you're so authentically you and you're not what Hollywood or the music industry wants to put in the Box. When I saw you fight that bull, that's my favorite thing I've ever seen on the Internet, dude.

[Virgil]

The baddest thought that was AI. I was like, no, I earned that, yo.

[Tom Segura]

You sure did, dude. That's like you had around like that before because it feel like.

[Virgil]

No, yeah, for sure. I got. Matter of fact, if y' all can make it February 7th, we got our own with. I threw my own bull riding in Bay City. This one's gonna be in Rosenberg this time. Munt Bussin' Bull riding, bull fighting.

[Tom Segura]

So you've been doing that your whole life?

[Virgil]

Come on. Been around it a whole life. My little cousin Jack, 15, he Be bull riding.

[Tom Segura]

Really?

[Virgil]

My Uncle Joe, I really. I watched my Uncle Joe do that shit growing up. It's my theasonian husband. Bad motherfucking white boy. He cold. Grew up on a grass pole.

[Bert Kreischer]

Pull up Me fighting a bull. If you could.

[Virgil]

What?

[Bert Kreischer]

You never saw mine?

[Virgil]

Are you fucking shitting me?

[Bert Kreischer]

I'm being dead fucking serious.

[Virgil]

Oh, no.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's a little different than yours.

[Virgil]

I believe it, right?

[Bert Kreischer]

February 7th. I will never get near another bull.

[Virgil]

We're going to get some pigs and put them in baby oil and let you try and catch them.

[Bert Kreischer]

This is when I was 27 years old. Look at how young I am. Bird vers bull. So I'm the. Here's the bull.

[Virgil]

No. So you've been on this?

[Bert Kreischer]

Me, that's me. And the suspenders, dude, where do you see.

[Tom Segura]

I wish you would bring this show.

[Virgil]

You've been doing. Shit.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, buddy, here we go.

[Virgil]

Go.

[Bert Kreischer]

Broke my ribs and broke my foot.

[Virgil]

Oh, that quick.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, that quick. I was over.

[Virgil]

Holy.

[Bert Kreischer]

It was over. Look at me. And then they're like, whatever you do, don't get by the railings. And I go, how do we get out of here? So when I saw you do that, first of all, I know how scary that is. Is. Yeah, I know how. And I know as soon as I saw you do it, I go, he's been around bulls before, right? Because there's a certain way. So obvious, man, the most gangster is you start on the ground.

[Virgil]

You saw that?

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, I was like. I was like.

[Virgil]

But I'm not gonna lie. You're a beast, though. That was a full grown bull. The bull I was fighting was about eight months.

[Tom Segura]

Really? Yeah, yeah. That looked like my favorite one is the football one, though.

[Virgil]

Let me see, let me see, let me see.

[Tom Segura]

Dude, football one is awesome.

[Bert Kreischer]

Dude. I got.

[Virgil]

Damn. So what is this? What's this called? It's called Hurt Bur just doing it all.

[Bert Kreischer]

You couldn't pay me to bring it back.

[Virgil]

No.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, buddy, this is. Bro.

[Tom Segura]

My favorite. Look how young you are.

[Bert Kreischer]

Forward towards the.

[Tom Segura]

I like how he's like, what's up, guys? And they're like, what's up, man?

[Bert Kreischer]

That's me in the red.

[Virgil]

Nice. And they're just boom. But then, hey, but it's crazy because even the bull, they don't look like they're hitting you hard like they hitting your ass.

[Tom Segura]

They stepping up here.

[Bert Kreischer]

Scoot to the. Scoot to the.

[Virgil]

You just gotta see the one dickhead.

[Bert Kreischer]

Go back, go back. Okay, scoot to the one big hump right there.

[Virgil]

And these boys, what do you see? This hit, These boys playing.

[Bert Kreischer]

This hit was the one that I got a concussion from. Watch this.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, blindside.

[Virgil]

Oh, he's a ho. That was some straight ho ass. That's up. And you got a real concussion from that.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, I fought a bear during this. I was a dominatrix gimp. I swam out of the cage of great white sharks. Just type in dominatrix gimp and you'll see it. I just shot a porn, basically.

[Virgil]

Oh, nice.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, they put like 10 pound weights on my balls and shocks my with an electrode and nipple clamps and.

[Virgil]

Whoa.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, they wanted to put electrodes inside the head of my dick.

[Virgil]

Whoa.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, but I wouldn't let them.

[Tom Segura]

That's probably a good line.

[Virgil]

Hey, I was a kid. I was a kid and I watched this porno and it was like they were showing behind the scenes and.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Virgil]

And this dude, it goes to this dude and he's like, kids don't smoke. And it goes down to his dick and he has a cigarette in his me up stuff.

[Bert Kreischer]

You never forget that you saw as a porn. Yeah, yeah, I remember we were in. We were in like 10th grade. No, it was, it was. I must have been in college and someone's like, yeah, put in a porn. You know, you just kind of watch it on the side. And I remember the one girl put her foot in another girl's and I went. And I was like, what the. And I was like, why is that turning me on?

[Virgil]

Hey, no. When I was watching those porn stars and like the behind the scenes and I was like, I respect that because like there was this one scene where homeboy was hitting homegirl and he. The director's like. And hold it, hold it and climb ax. And they're like, ah, yeah, yeah, It's a beast, bro. Like, you really got to be in there.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

I can think back to strippers, to. I. I have one stripper that I think about.

[Virgil]

Wow.

[Bert Kreischer]

If I ever think about strip clubs, this one stripper, it was Jason Nash's bachelor party. It was in the Valley, a place called Valley Dolls. And she had cholita tattooed across her stomach.

[Virgil]

Sounds like she's gonna ruin your life.

[Bert Kreischer]

I was like, I bet this girl would trash me, right? God, I don't know, man.

[Virgil]

Those drip clothes, they too much. I'll get in trouble, though.

[Bert Kreischer]

I don't. I don't usually get in, you know. So funny. When I was younger, I did when I got married and I knew that I was allowed to go, I kind of was, like, I tried and that. I think my wife's older. So, like, we were talking about it. I got a lap dance the other day and I was like, this doesn't feel like what I'm used to. Like, where are her moles? Oh, that's too smooth. What is this, a volleyball?

[Virgil]

Last time I was in the football, something with lumps, I was with Ralph and I was talking to this girl. I'm so trash. I'm talking to her. I threw up in the trash can and pick back up and keep talking to the bitch. I was like, I gotta get the out of here, cuz I thought that was smooth as, like, I thought I couldn't have played that off better.

[Tom Segura]

I puked over here. What's up?

[Virgil]

Yeah, no, and I mean, I got the numbers, so it didn't matter.

[Tom Segura]

Hey, it worked, man.

[Virgil]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I gotta ask something about. I want to ask about rapping, because, like, in. In comedy, when you're starting out, coming up, we like, you know, we bomb sometimes, right? And it's so you're like, yeah, I'm good at this, right? And you go and you just eat and it sits with you. You're like. It's like the dirtiest feeling when you're, like, trying to get started. Do you have moments where you were like, whatever, Whether it's a freestyle or some, and you just eat. Like, as a rapper, I don't think.

[Virgil]

I've had that moment yet. No, but I.

[Tom Segura]

Well, you're not gonna have it now. I meant like when you're, like, trying to figure it out. Like, I don't know.

[Virgil]

So.

[Tom Segura]

Damn. So it was always just working for you?

[Virgil]

Yeah, I mean, well, you gotta understand. Well, maybe when I was trying to look like a rapper, okay, it wasn't working. I threw the Js on, had my jeans, you know. Yeah, whatever, you know, Trying to look like a rapper.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Virgil]

And it Just. It didn't even feel comfortable, you know what I'm saying?

[Tom Segura]

Because you weren't being yourself, you know?

[Virgil]

And then one day I just showed up, like, me and if just took off.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that's awesome.

[Virgil]

But as far as, like the. The rap wise, like the. The rapping. No, you gotta understand, like, the way Mayweather was walking, he was in a boxing gym. As soon as I was talking, I was in the studio.

[Tom Segura]

Seriously?

[Virgil]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

My mama, he's been rapping since he was like, four.

[Virgil]

Yes, mama, yes. My mama gave me my first rap name and she was the one that wanted me to be a rapper. You know what I'm saying? Hell, yeah. And then, you know, my. I would go to see my dad in prison and I would go rap to him through the glass, and he likes that shit. So, you know, my uncles and my cousins were doing it.

[Tom Segura]

So you were training at 4.

[Virgil]

Literally. Not even knowing though. Right, right. Just doing it.

[Tom Segura]

It's just part of life.

[Virgil]

I felt I was with my kin folks doing it, and I felt grown because they was grown and, you know, and I'm talking about some grown. Yeah. You know what I'm saying?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Virgil]

It just felt cool and I just. It just kind of worked out for me, man. I'm grateful.

[Bert Kreischer]

Your mom moved to. Did your mom move to San Francisco or. I was. I can't remember. Your mom, your dad went to prison, your parents split up, right?

[Virgil]

My. My mama told my dad she was on birth control, I think.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, for real?

[Virgil]

Yeah, I think so.

[Bert Kreischer]

She was 18 when she had you, right?

[Virgil]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

And then she moved. He went to prison. She moved. Did she just move to where you live now?

[Virgil]

No, she stayed in Bay City.

[Bert Kreischer]

I heard Bay City, and I immediately thought San Francisco.

[Virgil]

Oh, no. Yeah, that's the Bay Area.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. Yeah, Bay City. So she moved to Bay City and your mom was a gangster?

[Virgil]

Yeah, 1,000%. Like, still to this day, like, I remember a lot of. A lot. I go back to the hood, a lot of dudes be bringing her up, and like, I don't want to hear that shit. Cause, like, in my mind, you was fucking my mama. You know what I'm saying? For real. Cause like, my mama, you know, man, my mama, you know, she was living. You know what I'm saying? And so I ain't ever want to hear that. But one day my buddy Boom sat me down and he was like, bro, these people really respect your mama. Like, he said, I just don't want. He like, I see you feel that way, and I don't Want you to feel that way because you shouldn't. Like, I ain't trying to tell you this to make you feel good. I would just left it alone.

[Bert Kreischer]

This is the best vodka in the world. You're talking to a man who's put 10,000 hours into a couple things. Eating pussy and drinking vodka. I'll bring my wife in if you want. I'm pretty good at the first one, too. But this is better than pussy. This is the best vodka you're ever going to have. It's clean. I sleep score. My sleep score is through the roof because of it. It tastes clean. Everyone I've given it to loves this vodka.

[Tom Segura]

Tom, tell them it's absolutely fantastic. We have a proprietary distillation process. And listen, we are winning competitions. We have gold medals in various competitions. And honestly, you the people are the ones telling us how great it is, too. This is not just smoke that we're blowing here.

[Bert Kreischer]

We.

[Tom Segura]

We're telling you because you're telling us. This is now your favorite vodka. So thank you. And if you haven't tried porosos, get out to the store. If they don't carry it, tell them you want them to carry it.

[Bert Kreischer]

Tell them, request it. When you go to the bar, you say, hey, do you carry porosos? And if they say, no, go, you should. It's pretty freaking awesome.

[Tom Segura]

And then walk out.

[Bert Kreischer]

You know what I do? I go, do you carry porosos? And they say, no, I bring out a bottle, I give it to them. I go, now you do. Can I get a bottle? A glass of porosos?

[Tom Segura]

That's awesome. That's awesome.

[Virgil]

Right? Like your mama was solid and a gangster. They didn't look at my mama. No. They thought, you know, to them she was black.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Virgil]

You know what I'm saying? Just in the hood every day and just with them thugging. Just cooled in the man. I'll show you some pictures of mine.

[Bert Kreischer]

I couldn't find a picture of your mom online. Yeah, because you describe, you say every time you hear high heels, you think of your mom.

[Virgil]

Yes, man, he knows I used to be in daycare. And every time I heard them high heels coming, I knew it was my mama. Well, nobody else mama wearing.

[Tom Segura]

It's crazy how those memories sit with you.

[Virgil]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You know, like a sound, a smell, something takes you right back.

[Virgil]

Yeah, man, I miss. I wish I remember her perfume. I remember when she passed. I remember her smell for a little bit. About two, three years later, it went away. But I remember I was in Walmart one day and I was in the aisle and I smelt it, and I was like, what the is that? And it's me up. Ever since then, I've always tried to remember what her scent was.

[Bert Kreischer]

I bet you could figure it out based on the year and what was popular.

[Virgil]

Right?

[Bert Kreischer]

Like, I know for a fact I had the same thing with the girl I lost my virginity to. Had a very popular. I had a smell.

[Virgil]

Nice.

[Bert Kreischer]

And I smell gave me an anxiety attack when I smelled it. So I wasn't really good at having sex.

[Virgil]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

So I smelled it, and anytime I smelled it, I have an anxiety attack. That's good. And it was crazy. And then I was like, I just need to stay away from that smell. And then some, I think was my little sister was like, what smell was it? And I was like, I don't know, 1987, whatever was popular. And they were like, colors. It was a. Colors, colors. It's really. But, man, when I smell it, I mean, I get pulled back.

[Virgil]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's funny enough, I shouldn't be telling the story because it's only about me, but when I met my wife, I was allergic to cats, and I wouldn't go to her house because I had allergies. She said she broke up with me, and she goes, you know, one of the reasons is I need someone who would be able to live with the cats. I got to live with cats. So I got on allergy medicine for the first time. I'm 26 years old. Yeah, 20. No, 29.

[Virgil]

She left you for the cats?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Virgil]

That's crazy.

[Bert Kreischer]

And we have cats. To this day, we have two cats in our house sick. And I put on allergy medicine, and for the first time in my life, I could smell things.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

The first thing I smelled was jasmine. The second thing I smelled was lilies. So now every time I smell jasmine or lilies, I think of Leanne because I never smelled a flower in my life, because my allergies.

[Tom Segura]

Really?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. And so every time. But smells so wild.

[Virgil]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

I bet you could find your mom's scent.

[Virgil]

Nah, I'm sure. But remember I was telling you earlier, I already got a up nose. I got to get some type of surgery to get it fixed. I got into a fight with this kid named Jack Tar. We used to have the boxing gloves in our locker room, and we just go hard.

[Bert Kreischer]

Really?

[Virgil]

And Jack Tar, you know, I was strong, and a lot of people didn't want to with me, and. Because I was just icy. And. And this one dude, Jack, he wasn't really good at Fighting, but just corn fed ass talking about legs look like tree stumps, you know? And we're fighting them, going hard, and I'm eating them alive, bro. And then he caught me with this lucky ass punch. Bam. Hit my ass. And I remember I was dazed, you know what I'm saying? If he would have followed up with another one, he would knock my ass out. You remember Dante, bro? Dante steps in, he's like, whoa. Yeah, he's all right. He talks like he's inbred, but you know what I'm saying? He was like, yeah, no, no, no, no, no. Right now. No. You know, and he saved my life, but ever since then, my nose has been up, so I got to get that done.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that's going to change your way you feel completely, man.

[Virgil]

No, I believe it. Even. Even. Remember I was telling you earlier about the gag and trying to inhale a lot. Like, I think it's because I just got so much gunk in there, it made my ears feel up. I get bad ear infections, you know? Oh, yeah, bro. I'll shower and get an ear infection. Yeah, shit's bad. But I think it's because, like, I'm just definitely.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

He's Captain Surgery. He goes to a doctor. If he feels something wrong, he goes to a doctor immediately.

[Virgil]

You're getting those IVs.

[Bert Kreischer]

I get one yesterday. That's why I'm so bloated.

[Virgil]

Yeah, me too. I got one yesterday. I love that.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, stem cells, too. I get stem cell injections.

[Virgil]

What, like a stem on Black ops.

[Tom Segura]

And dude, I got. This week, I got three different kinds. I got stem cell iv, I got direct inject, stem cell. And then they put stem cells in like this inhaler. So, like, the vapors go in. Yeah, all three.

[Virgil]

That sounds good.

[Tom Segura]

Do that at Ways to. Well, in Austin. You can come to Austin. I'll set you up. The place is amazing.

[Virgil]

Hey, what's up? I've been trying to go to Tony so bad. He wants me there. I just be busy with my ass.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, yeah, I bet your schedule's crazy.

[Virgil]

Yeah, well, it is coming up now, too. You know, I'm so going on tour right now in August. I'm finna drop recess and then follow up with a tour.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, nice. Yeah, nationwide.

[Virgil]

Nah, not yet. I. I like. I don't know, man. I'm kind of scared leaving. Yeah. Yeah, I'm a little scared. I got my passport and everything. I'm ready. I'm supposed to be going to Berlin to do the weed cup with my Buddies. And I really want to go to Japan.

[Tom Segura]

Japan? Let me tell you something, man. I. I went for the first time last year.

[Virgil]

Sick.

[Tom Segura]

In all, I've been to, like, I don't know, 50 countries everywhere. That's the most amazing place that I've been.

[Virgil]

Is it true that it's just so clean and nice there? Like, I heard a story, somebody was up and he fell asleep in the street, and they woke up with a bunch of water bottles around them.

[Tom Segura]

I believe it. The Japanese culture is incredible.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's quiet. It is like, you get on the subway, no one's talking. Everyone gets off subway, no one's talking. And then. And then you go to, like, Vietnam. Totally different.

[Virgil]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Via Viet. Vietnamese. Vietnam is so loud. And then it's like. It's Japan. No one's touching each other in Vietnam. It's like they're putting their fingers in your mouth. Did you pick talking me? What the Going on? Yeah, the traffic's chaos. Japan's out of this world fun, and the food is crazy.

[Tom Segura]

List, dude. Everything you eat there. Everything?

[Virgil]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

A tomato, a grape, a strawberry, lettuce, crab, whatever you have, I swear to you'll be like, this is the best tomato I've ever had in my life.

[Virgil]

Like, everything out there, they're not cooking, like, oh, they.

[Tom Segura]

Their steak is outrageously not horse.

[Bert Kreischer]

No, no. Wait, wait. Can I do you. Could you do. Could you tour, like, Mexico and do. And rap in Mexico? And would it have the same translation as it does in Texas?

[Virgil]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's so much money.

[Tom Segura]

Have you done. Have you performed in Mexico? No, I did Mexico City.

[Virgil]

That's hard.

[Tom Segura]

It was awesome.

[Virgil]

Yeah. I was kind of scared to go to Mexico, too, though. You know what I'm saying? Because, like, it's just. It's bro, it's. I mean, I love Mexico. I used to go there as a kid all the time. You know what I'm saying? But, like, it's just getting ugly, bro. I feel like it's getting ugly, and you're the.

[Bert Kreischer]

You're the guy that, like. I mean, I'm not. I'm just saying, like, if you're a cartel leader and you're gonna look.

[Virgil]

He gonna look at my tattoos and be like, that's not us.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Virgil]

Oh.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, I didn't even realize that. Oh, yeah. That is crazy.

[Virgil]

Yeah. It's deeper, you know?

[Tom Segura]

But Mexico City is so bilingual.

[Virgil]

Yeah. No, I believe it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. So, like, the show. Like, I did. I did Buenos Aires. I did Argentina. I did Santiago, Chile, and then I did Mexico City. Mexico City was like. It was just like you're performing in Houston. Like it was you. You were. You wouldn't know you were out of the country.

[Virgil]

No, I believe it. That sounds cool. As though it was radio. I was. I had a. I got a song with Lefty SM and they shot his out there and it looked cool and I was like, I wish I went, but like, I just be living in fear with that. I feel like I don't heard too many stories.

[Tom Segura]

There's a lot of crazy stories.

[Bert Kreischer]

For sure, bro.

[Virgil]

Because that is real.

[Tom Segura]

That's real?

[Virgil]

Yeah, that shit is completely real.

[Bert Kreischer]

Well, not if you're white like me. It's not real at all. I walk around Mexico City. Mexico City with a Rolex on, like, what's up, fellas?

[Virgil]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Two DNA cigars.

[Virgil]

Nah, but it can happen, though.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, I know. I mean, I.

[Virgil]

You gotta understand. You got that. Go home and look at their grandma's stomach. Touch their back every day. I don't give a About that. I need what you got.

[Bert Kreischer]

You know, I don't even know what you said, but it scared the out of me. I was like, touch your grandmother's stomach.

[Virgil]

No, I say, you got that. Go home every day and watch that grandmama's stomach touch their bed like they starving.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah.

[Virgil]

You were in a cold house.

[Bert Kreischer]

I liked it. I liked it better the way you said it. The way I heard it. Just dudes going home, touching the grandmother's stomach and then touching the bathroom. I'll be back, grandma.

[Tom Segura]

I also had zero understanding of what you said, but I was like, yeah, that does sound scary, man.

[Virgil]

No, for real, though. Like, these people don't care.

[Bert Kreischer]

God, you. Your. Your perception of the world is so different than my perception of the world.

[Virgil]

Right.

[Bert Kreischer]

Like, I look at it, I really am like, not just glass half full, but glass overflowing.

[Virgil]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

I see opportunity everywhere. And I. I think sometimes the problem is you don't. You don't realize like that. Yeah. I guess the world doesn't see that that way.

[Virgil]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Not everyone's given just like opportunity after opportunity. Yeah.

[Virgil]

And then some people like, they. Some. Some like. Because I've been in this game long enough to where I can. I've said my beliefs and I've had my ways and people don't like it and agree with it. So I feel like I've. I've lost a lot of. A lot of my meskins, but I'm not really.

[Bert Kreischer]

They.

[Tom Segura]

They're not like Mexicans in general. Not some of them are Just not fans. Because of your beliefs.

[Virgil]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Really.

[Virgil]

Because of what I. Who I. Who I like, what I'm into.

[Bert Kreischer]

Who do you like?

[Virgil]

You know, man, I mean, it can be anything. Like, they might not like what I think politically.

[Bert Kreischer]

All right.

[Virgil]

You know what I'm saying? And.

[Tom Segura]

But the other side of that is religiously or. Anyway, there's some people who probably hear what you say and they go, I love this, though.

[Virgil]

Yeah. I mean, some people are like. I don't agree with them, but I love them.

[Bert Kreischer]

Right.

[Virgil]

You know what I'm saying? Like, I mean, just because you like to eat or cook or whatever, the. I'm not gonna not like you because you like that.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Virgil]

Is what you like.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Virgil]

Is what you're into at your belief.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's so funny. The thing that might rub people wrong is the thing that draws me in.

[Virgil]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Like, I. I just like that you're really, authentically you.

[Virgil]

I thank you, bro.

[Bert Kreischer]

I mean, every part about you is like, just. It is not. It is not manufactured by. By. By an industry. It is just you. It's. You know, that's so. That's so interesting.

[Virgil]

No, I like it, man. I think it's cool, bro. And. And anybody that's still on my boat, I'm grateful, man. Because, like I said, these people don't have to like me.

[Tom Segura]

But that's who you want, though, man. You want, like, I think everybody. You want people who are fans, that are fans because you're being yourself.

[Virgil]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You're trying to be something else. And their fans. It's not going to work.

[Virgil]

And I mean, bro, I keep it real with my members, I keep it real with my people. And most importantly, I wake up every day and keep it real with myself. I'm not going to not be me to make you happy.

[Tom Segura]

Right.

[Virgil]

You know what I'm saying?

[Bert Kreischer]

For sure.

[Virgil]

And I don't know you. Shit, bitch. In reality, I don't even give a fuck if y' all like my music, because at the end of the day, I do this shit because Sophie wanted me to do it. I used to be broke and on drugs, laid out in the middle of the street, happy, still doing this shit. I like this. That might be cut out, but I like being on drugs.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Virgil]

I love acid, I love mushrooms, I love weed. Love, sip and drink. I love getting up and hitting cocaine. I like doing all that.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Virgil]

You know what I'm saying?

[Bert Kreischer]

So Tom likes everything you just said, too.

[Virgil]

No, that's what I'm talking about.

[Bert Kreischer]

Have you tried dmt?

[Virgil]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Tom is really in love with dmt. He's been doing it, what I would say, almost too much.

[Virgil]

I ain't gonna just necessarily say I do it too much, but I like it and I'll do it if it's right.

[Tom Segura]

I think I've been doing it in excessive amount.

[Virgil]

Ye.

[Bert Kreischer]

What are you doing before he goes to bed?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah. Oh yeah. Fully hallucinating. It's fun.

[Bert Kreischer]

Tom's like a low key drug addict.

[Virgil]

Yeah, No, I like this.

[Bert Kreischer]

Everyone goes, oh, birds and alcoholic bird's fat. They've no. It's like, are you not looking at the guy next to me?

[Virgil]

Yeah, right. I say all that though. Cause like, man, I'm, I'm like, I'm. I was given when I was broke. I'm happy. I'm okay with being broke. You know what I'm saying? I'm cool with being nobody. I like being a nobody. All these coming up to me won't leave me alone. And yeah, like, don't get it up. I love, love my fans and I go above and beyond with making them know that. It's obvious I'm grateful for you. I love you, but some people just want to fuck with me because like they, you know me as I'm the dude holding the chicken. You know what I'm saying? Fuck all that, bro. I want to talk to the people that are the reason why I'm living different.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, and you also get something we don't get. You walk into a room and you kind of pop. Like when you walked into NASCAR is like every 50 year old white woman in a sundress turned and was like, who's that? And I. And by the way, I was the first one to come up to you. I was like, oh, I know.

[Virgil]

I mean, I flip. When I seen you, I done that. A brick.

[Bert Kreischer]

I was like, no way. I didn't think you'd be at nascar. And then, and then immediately I was like, of course he's a fucking nascar. I was like, there's no way he's gonna be at the Indianapolis 500. He's gonna be a fucking NASCAR. And dude, I came up and I was like, I was, I was like, I'm gonna give you space. Because I knew, I knew you were gonna get inundated. So I was like, dude, I love you, man. I'm a huge fan. You're real as fuck. And then I was like, we got a podcast together sometime. And then I was like, I'll come find you in a little bit. And I went down and I just shown you fighting that bull to my whole team at nascar. I just showed it to them. And Kyle was behind me. You met Kyle downstairs. And I go, kyle, he just walked in. She goes, what? I said, that Mexican, ot, He just walked in, she went, shut the fuck up. And everyone's, like, leaned up. We were in the front row. They're like, where is he? And then I think Kyle came back and maybe introduced himself to you. And then, and then I was like, all right, he's had time. I'm gonna go talk to him. Because I'm. I'm. I'm bad with celebrities. And so I walked up and then you were gone. I was like, fuck, Fuck. I went to the, I started going booth to booth, going, he's gotta be right next door. He's gotta be right next door. But. And then I was like, I'll just DM him. Yeah, but. But you. You do pop when you go into a room. So in. You know, listen, if fans see you, they give you. They come after you. But then also you get. What I get sometimes is like some annoying older white woman going, I don't know who you are, but everyone seems to know who you are. Who are you?

[Virgil]

Yeah. And it's like, bitch, move around.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, get out of here.

[Virgil]

Like, just leave me the fuck alone. I don't like that shit, man. But, I mean, but I don't like it because, like, already before, I was already that type of person.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Virgil]

I used to just be mean, man. I had a lot of hatred in me. Felt like everything owed me everything. Cause I was just taken away from everything. But then, you know, I just got older and just realized, like, man, nobody.

[Bert Kreischer]

Grown up at eight.

[Virgil]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, that's. I mean, that's from when you said. You said at 8. I was a grown up. I remember you hearing, Hearing you say that on Rogan, and I was like, I didn't learn how to jerk off until I was 10.

[Virgil]

Yeah. I was like, man, I, I. Bro, I ain't gonna lie. My mama, she used to have them dope heads around. I feel like I remember one time there was these two motherfuckers fucking in mind of my cousin. Bunk Bed. I walked in on that. You know, my. But you gotta understand, my mama was still young.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Virgil]

You know what I'm saying? Like, she was still having a lot of going on. She still wanted to live her life. So. I love my mama. She did great, you know, but she was just too gangster.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Virgil]

Yeah. Well, nah. Yeah, I just. I mean, I remember looking at my teachers in the first grade. Like, I don't know what is, but I'd. You know, for real. Like, so, like it's deeper. Like. I mean, I remember stealing blue flags from Walmart, feeling like I was gang banging already by the time I was 10.

[Bert Kreischer]

Really?

[Virgil]

Yeah, you know, like.

[Tom Segura]

And this is all. Is this in like, base, Bay City.

[Virgil]

Area, Lake Jackson, Freeport, on that shit. My mama was always in Lake Jackson and Freeport, but I stayed in Bay City a lot. Or West Columbia. That's where my grandparents were.

[Tom Segura]

And that's still home, right?

[Virgil]

Yes, sir.

[Tom Segura]

Nice.

[Virgil]

It's just a bunch of small country towns. Matagorda County, Bazoria County. Brazoria was actually supposed to be the capital of Texas.

[Tom Segura]

Really?

[Virgil]

Yes. And they ended up making it Austin. Stephen F. Austin got land out there. They got a statue of him out there. Yeah, his family used to walk that land. Jones Creek.

[Tom Segura]

Wow.

[Virgil]

I think like 1800 acres out there.

[Bert Kreischer]

Texas is pretty badass when you think about it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, it really is.

[Virgil]

It's beautiful, man. We got Greenland, we got flatland, the desert. We got mountains. You could drive like 18, 19 hours.

[Tom Segura]

Is that area with all those towns, is that pretty mixed? Is it like white folks, Mexican folk? Is it all.

[Virgil]

Oh, yeah, a lot. A lot of black, a lot of Mexican, a lot of whites. Yeah, pretty much it.

[Bert Kreischer]

We don't get the. At the end.

[Virgil]

I mean, it's a. You know, you got. It's a lot. It's a pot of gumbo out there. Yeah, yeah, for sure.

[Tom Segura]

That's cool.

[Virgil]

I like it though, man. It's quiet, it's slow boogie. I could do what I want, River. You know what I'm saying, Dude, they're.

[Bert Kreischer]

Gonna love you in Japan. I just realized. Have you ever seen Japanese cholo culture?

[Virgil]

Yes. It's holy, bro. It me up when I seen they had lolos and out there, it's.

[Bert Kreischer]

I mean, matter of fact, I met.

[Virgil]

I met a jab Chicano over here, Japanese Chicano over here one time.

[Tom Segura]

Really?

[Virgil]

Yeah, yeah. He had a shirt, it was all white and it had the two flags. It was a Japanese flag, Mexico flag. I was like, damn, you're hard, fool.

[Tom Segura]

Hardcore.

[Virgil]

Cool ass mud.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's crazy.

[Virgil]

No.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, they. There's like such a huge hip hop culture there.

[Virgil]

Yeah. I was gonna say, my buddy Ellie, he punched me in with a dude named Shoe and he has like a whole DJ screw shop out there.

[Tom Segura]

Wow.

[Virgil]

Yeah. Shit's sick. They got. They got a slab out there on Swankers.

[Bert Kreischer]

Really?

[Virgil]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You gotta go, man.

[Virgil]

No. Yeah. Matter of Fact, y' all gotta come to Texas because I want to put y' all in a helicopter. We need to go shoot some.

[Bert Kreischer]

I do that.

[Virgil]

You need to go. You need to do all that.

[Bert Kreischer]

You would definitely do that. I would love to do that.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Virgil]

Go. I don't know if y' all like getting dirty, but I. With those, the. The ATVs and the four wheelers. Oh, yeah, man. We'll go out there to cross being get muddy.

[Tom Segura]

I would love to do that.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. You're doing Texas wrong.

[Virgil]

I know.

[Tom Segura]

I need to get out there.

[Virgil]

I got four wheelers.

[Bert Kreischer]

What's that?

[Virgil]

Four wheelers?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Virgil]

Yes.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Virgil]

I got a. I got an Outlander. Bad motherfucker, dog. It's like the Cadillac of those.

[Tom Segura]

And I'll be riding and like those Polaris things too.

[Virgil]

Yeah, but I like the four wheeler because you could, dog. You know what I'm saying? The Polaris is just some cool to vibe with, like you got home or something.

[Tom Segura]

But if you got somebody. Like, who? Like, I went in Australia, I went to Daniel ricardo's ranch. The F1 driver.

[Virgil]

Nice.

[Tom Segura]

And he drives a Polaris, like sideways, like it's nuts. Like.

[Virgil]

And then also another thing, the turbo on that, when it hits, I feel like I'm breaking it every time I hit the gas. Like, it just sounds ugly.

[Tom Segura]

If anyone else had been driving, we for sure would be dead the way he was doing it. But he's like so proficient. You're just like.

[Virgil]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, like the whole way, like 60 miles an hour sideways all over this thousand acre ranch. It was fucking insane.

[Bert Kreischer]

They do it. They do it in sand dunes in Michigan and you go flying. You know, it's so funny. A long time ago, when I was working at Birth Conqueror, we did. We did four wheelers. Yeah, it was four wheelers in mud. It was a big contest in Texas and they had a big mud pit. And the whole. The idea was you and a partner got on your four wheel, you had to make it all the way across. You'd haul ass in, you get stuck, you'd be leaning to one side. And I was like, man, this is gonna be redneck as. And there's something about redneck. Like, there's something about. There's some. Look, I'm not gonna talk shit about my own people, man.

[Virgil]

I'm a brown neck fool.

[Bert Kreischer]

Well, I got out there. There's something about rednecks that make me unnerved because I know them, my wife's family's, the entire thing. And they always think ain't no one getting hurt today. And I'm gonna really take this city boy for a ride.

[Virgil]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

And I got out there, there were no white people. It was all Mexican rednecks. And I was like, what the fuck?

[Virgil]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

And man, I was like, same fucking same. I had this dude on my thing, and he was like. He was as fat as I was. We were both pretty big at the time, and he was like, we get stuck in the mud, and he'd be like, get in there. Get in. I was fucking covered in mud and dude. And we had so. But I was like, there is not one white. They're all Mexican rednecks.

[Tom Segura]

Really? You.

[Bert Kreischer]

I want to say, like, Katy, Texas.

[Virgil]

Oh, yeah, yeah. You was in Crosby.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, I forget. You can find it online, I'm sure. But there was, like, parts of Texas, man, I think what is. Is El Paso, the one right on the border?

[Virgil]

Yes.

[Bert Kreischer]

El Paso is not really Texas. It's really kind of just a little bit more Mexico, a little more.

[Virgil]

You could. You could be at a house. Like, I'll. I'll be on the roof of a house and be looking at Mexico, though.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah, In El Paso for sure.

[Virgil]

Go to El Paso too.

[Tom Segura]

Stand up.

[Bert Kreischer]

There is a blast.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah. It's a really fun stand. And then, you know, you're in El Paso and you're like. You could spend most of the day not speaking English to anybody. Yeah, yeah, there's a lot. It's a. It's really a Mexican. It's like a Mexican town.

[Virgil]

Y' all ever been to the Valley?

[Bert Kreischer]

Well, I don't even know who that is.

[Virgil]

The 956 of Texas, like Laredo, McAllen, far and all that.

[Tom Segura]

Maybe done a show. I've done so many, like, smaller town shows in Texas. I may have been there.

[Virgil]

Mercedes whistle. There you go. I don't know. I grew up over there too. It's kind of like El Paso, though.

[Tom Segura]

Really?

[Virgil]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I kind of. I really dig a border town.

[Virgil]

Like, so we used to. Matthew used to take us to Mexico and they would take us these bars and. And I remember there was this dude and he was. I don't know if he was simple minded or. Or what the. He was, but he was some throwed off.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Virgil]

And he couldn't do much, but he would. You know those old school boom Brady's with the two speakers and the knobs? And he would bust that down into screws and. And springs and then put it back together.

[Tom Segura]

Really?

[Virgil]

Yeah. That's all he could do, though. Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

All right. What's the best Mexican name? Chewy's pretty great.

[Virgil]

Chico.

[Bert Kreischer]

Chico. I like, I like Guillermo. I love that. There was a guy, there was a guy that rushed our fraternity when we were in college. And they're like, ladies and gentlemen, this guy's badass names Guillermo. And everyone's like, oh. And then a Cuban guy in the back goes, Willie.

[Virgil]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

He goes, it's Willie. Just so we're all clear.

[Virgil]

That's what it is in English.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. It's Willie.

[Virgil]

Sound like a warrior in Spanish.

[Bert Kreischer]

Sounds like a guy with an uncircumcised. Who knows how to come.

[Virgil]

Right?

[Bert Kreischer]

And then you meet Chili Willy and you're like, what's up, buddy?

[Virgil]

Damn, bro. I ain't gonna lie. So you're a bad. And you're tough, bro.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Virgil]

You've been doing this for a while. You me up with that.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Virgil]

I think that's cool as, bro.

[Bert Kreischer]

Get him all. Chewy's a badass name. A lot of Ernie's.

[Virgil]

Yeah. But you though like, you in general.

[Bert Kreischer]

What?

[Virgil]

Like you're just a bad. Those videos you were showing me earlier, that shit's cool, bro.

[Bert Kreischer]

I was hungry for fame and money. Idiot.

[Virgil]

It works.

[Bert Kreischer]

I used to do. Dude, I've done some stuff. Like I've. I was the first person to jump off Stratosphere.

[Virgil]

What is Stratosphere?

[Bert Kreischer]

In Vegas. You know, the big spear, the big. Like it's the tallest building east west of the Mississippi.

[Virgil]

Nice.

[Bert Kreischer]

And so it's like 1100ft, I think up.

[Tom Segura]

Well, the crazier thing is that you hate heights.

[Bert Kreischer]

I hate heights. That's really awesome. I got this show called Birth Conqueror where I would do crazy. Like jumped off Stratosphere. Did a rope swing of like in New Zealand. Like 500 foot freefall. Jumped off the tall stadium in Africa.

[Virgil]

Crazy.

[Bert Kreischer]

But the whole thing was I hated it.

[Virgil]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

And it was like. And I'm really regular. So like I, I, I'm not like a thrill seeker.

[Virgil]

So it was, man, you know, it's a big fear of mine. But I've been wanting to do it. You know who Brian Gaffey is? He's in the industry with this music. I didn't think so. Anyways, he be instructing scuba diving. And I want to do it so bad, but I want to do it because it's one of my biggest fears.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Virgil]

The unknown of the water. You know what I'm saying? Like, there's, I. I don't know, but I think there's aliens in the water.

[Bert Kreischer]

They are. They're called Octopus, Yeah, right. You see the. Hold on. Did Rogan show you the picture of the octopus with the claws on it?

[Virgil]

No. Show me.

[Bert Kreischer]

There's an octopus with claws on it either that. I dreamt it.

[Tom Segura]

Okay. Why don't you eat it?

[Bert Kreischer]

Because. Because I really do think it's a life form.

[Virgil]

I think it's a. Oh, you were saying that earlier.

[Bert Kreischer]

I think it's a different life form.

[Tom Segura]

You think it's a different life?

[Bert Kreischer]

I think, yeah. Have you ever seen the way octopuses can change into the rock?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

I mean octopuses.

[Virgil]

Octopuses or octopus.

[Bert Kreischer]

Octopus with claws do not have claws.

[Virgil]

Oh, he drank it.

[Bert Kreischer]

I must have dreamt it. I was an octopus with crab claws. Anyway, scuba diving is interesting. Have you ever scuba dived?

[Tom Segura]

I've never scuba dived, so scuba diving. I've only snorkeled.

[Bert Kreischer]

You know, you take the lesson you do in a pool. Very fun. Very fun. Very. I think I got this. And then you do an open water dive and you have a moment where you. Where maybe the weather isn't perfect, maybe it isn't beautiful, maybe it's a little weight. But scuba divers don't give a fuck they're underwater. But if you're a regular person, you're like, but it's raining and there's thunder and lightning and they're like, we'll be fine. We're going to be 40ft below. And you're like, but it's getting dark. And they're like, that's when it's the best. And you're like, hold on. And then there's a moment where you hit your BC and you start to sink. And you have to realize, am I excited for the stuff down there or the stuff I love? Is it all up here?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Because I need. I got to pick one. And man, that is when panic sets in, when you start sinking. For the average person, just dropping and remembering to breathe and being cool. And it gets dark and dark and then cold and then cold and it changes and then. And it's pitch black and you're just going down and you're waiting for an animal to come by you. And you don't say anything. And you're looking for the ship that they tell you you'll see the mast at 60ft. And you're like, I don't see. I don't see. I don't see. I don't see. I see bubbles. I don't see. And then all of a sudden, a ship. And you realize this ship, the day those guys left it Was the worst day of their life.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

And now I'm gonna go check out someone's biggest tragedy the day they were like, it. I love my kids. I want to just live. And now I'm down there going, dude, spooky. And then you see a fish come around the corner, and the fish is like, what the are you doing here? I don't know.

[Tom Segura]

Do you like, do you like it though?

[Bert Kreischer]

It. I have liked it. I went. I went swimming whale sharks in Japan, man.

[Virgil]

I want to, bro, but like, I just. I feel like I watched too many movies.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, no, no, no. You go. This is what you do. You got to be very specific with what you want. Set your intention to the dive instructor and say, I don't want to go deeper than 20ft. That way you're never going to run into the problem. Getting the bends, you can go around. Do it. When you're in like the Bahamas and just shallow scuba diving, it's not the thing that people love. People want to go down 90ft. They want to go down 130ft. That's where. That's where the spheres change. That's where all of a sudden it's a true.

[Virgil]

Aliens are.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, that's where the aliens are.

[Virgil]

Yes, bro. I've seen a video of this dude. He was in the water and he was. His hands were like, you know, on the floor, and something came out the sand and wrapped around his hand. And it looked like that. You seen life? Yeah, yeah, it looked like the alien from life. Remember how I grabbed the old black dude's hand? It looked just like that. And you know, I don't know if it was real.

[Tom Segura]

There's some really weird, you know, every.

[Virgil]

Other fish out there that, that create light.

[Tom Segura]

Every year they discover new species at a different depth. And every time you see them, you're like, that looks like.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, definitely looks like you have to go scuba diving. You have to go scuba diving and film it.

[Virgil]

I'm only doing it to conquer it.

[Tom Segura]

You could get certified, like at a local ymca. You know, like, they teach it at places like that.

[Bert Kreischer]

Or, or you can. What you can do is like. And definitely in the Bahamas, I've done this in the Bahamas. You can get a day certification where you go into the pool and they teach you what you kind of need to know. And then you'll swim, an instructor will be by you, which is great. You know, you want that anyway. And. And you can go scuba diving. You can go scuba diving. It's shallow scuba dive, but it's fun.

[Virgil]

You've seen that pool where they teach you how to scuba dive? It's like the deepest pool in the world. And it's.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yes.

[Virgil]

You know, it's like a. It's like a cylinder going down. I want to do that. That's it. Just because I know there's nothing in there. I hope not.

[Tom Segura]

How deep is it?

[Virgil]

It's. It's deep enough to look down and have a panic attack.

[Bert Kreischer]

Really pull up the deepest pool in the world. I know you're exactly what you're talking about. And you see the dudes free dive.

[Virgil]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

And free dive down in it.

[Virgil]

Hey, but it's some cool, though, because like. Like I say, you're going down like this. But there's different on the walls. You could do.

[Tom Segura]

It's in Dubai.

[Virgil]

Wow.

[Bert Kreischer]

Look at that. Click it.

[Virgil]

How deep you think?

[Bert Kreischer]

Look at that.

[Virgil]

Holy.

[Tom Segura]

What? 148ft.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's crazy Dubai, man. They just got crazy money.

[Virgil]

Yeah. Stupid money.

[Bert Kreischer]

I bet you'd kill in Dubai.

[Virgil]

You think so?

[Bert Kreischer]

Fuck yes.

[Virgil]

I had to.

[Bert Kreischer]

What you do is you put on the fucking whole chic outfit, right? And like, they don't see any of the tats. And you put on the fucking hat and then you just rip it off. And everyone's like, oh, shit.

[Tom Segura]

Fuck is this, dude.

[Bert Kreischer]

Surprise.

[Virgil]

Damn, bro. I don't know, though, bro, because I'd be in the airport. Like, I'll be trying to be incognito, and then they just always know it's me.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Virgil]

It's like, oh, I know that ass anywhere.

[Tom Segura]

That's wild. Dude, that pool is insane.

[Virgil]

Nah, that shit's sick, bro. I. You know what's crazy? As a kid, I always like. I love Poseidon. I love the water. I loved everything about the water. Then I got older and started watching movies.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, it starts to.

[Virgil]

With you.

[Tom Segura]

Well, the deep ocean is a terrifying place, man.

[Virgil]

I also think it's the most beautiful place on earth.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

It's both, though.

[Bert Kreischer]

Ocean or mountains? If you had to retire right now and you had to pick one. Ocean or mountains?

[Tom Segura]

I like mountains more.

[Bert Kreischer]

My wife will pick mountains.

[Tom Segura]

My wife will pick ocean.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Virgil]

I would want to. But like I said, which I just. That fear. I don't like sharks either. Oh, I don't do that.

[Bert Kreischer]

Can I tell you what, you have to swim with sharks. It's. It said. Do you ever. Do you remember when you were a kid? Pull up, Pull up.

[Virgil]

I did it.

[Tom Segura]

I did it in the. In the Keys.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, you can do it in the Keys. Out of the way out of the cage. Hey, just bring them up to you.

[Virgil]

You saw the one where the shark went in the cage?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Virgil]

See? Nah, hell no.

[Bert Kreischer]

No, we did, we did. North Shore, it's North Shore Shark Adventure in, in Haleiwa in Hawaii. And they bring you out and they have Galapagos sharks. There's probably 40 around the cage. Just see photo.

[Virgil]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

And you're sitting in a cage and I'll tell you, it's like going to church and getting it. It's like, remember when you thought you got a chick pregnant? You went to church and you were like, God, just help me out this one time.

[Virgil]

Oh, I was, I was gonna say this earlier, but I, I, we got talking about something else, but it made me think of when you said that. I remember I was in sixth grade, this girl sucked my dick and I thought I got her pregnant. Yeah, just some kid, you know, sucked me up. I thought it was pregnant.

[Tom Segura]

That was so far from my sixth grade year, I can't even tell you.

[Bert Kreischer]

I remember the first blow job I got, she was sucking and I was like, I think you're doing it wrong. And then I was like, never mind. I like your way better. It's a blow job. You're supposed to be blowing into it.

[Virgil]

I ain't gonna lie though. My dad, like I said, he went to prison and when he came out, he had used my computer and it came back with every virus under the sun and, you know, like, bro, grandma and grandson, neighbor, pounds neighbor while, you know, husband's at work. Just stupid. So I just was, you know. And like I said, man, you know, I, I was being a kid walking in on my mama, you know what I'm saying? My, my listening to my dad fuck, you know, like, I just always been around it. So is it, is it like.

[Bert Kreischer]

So I was saying to Pete today, I go, it's gotta be tough being like a rapper and then having to always be tough and always be like, on point and be like, manly, like, I'm a bitch.

[Virgil]

Nah, I dig that. But like, you ain't gotta be that tough. Like, there's different type of tough. Like, yeah, go fucking fight that bull. It's tough.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Virgil]

You know what I'm saying? It's some cool shit. But my dad always growing up, tough guys get hurt. They're the first ones to get hurt. You know what I'm saying? You ain't gotta be a tough guy.

[Tom Segura]

You're looking for a fight off.

[Virgil]

Smart guy. Yeah, yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

I was the dude when that, when we're in college and guys like, hey, we're about to get a fight. You got my back? I'd be like, oh, yeah, sure, sure. And I just walk out.

[Virgil]

Oh, good luck, Chadwick. You ain't see it. Well, he.

[Bert Kreischer]

Looking back, what the is I had. I think I still have one of the most punchable faces in every fight.

[Tom Segura]

Well, your beers got trimmed today. It looks. I like it.

[Bert Kreischer]

Shut up.

[Tom Segura]

What?

[Bert Kreischer]

I. I over trimmed my beard. I had the ones on. I went, oh, yeah, I like it.

[Virgil]

It looks good.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, Yeah, I look very cherubic.

[Tom Segura]

It's nice.

[Virgil]

How many fights you been in your life?

[Bert Kreischer]

A lot. I. Let's. I don't know, rephrase that. How many times have I been beaten up?

[Virgil]

Oh, fuck.

[Bert Kreischer]

Like, I mean, I fights when you decide you're gonna fight also, right?

[Virgil]

Damn. So these motherfuckers just be coming up to you.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, buddy.

[Tom Segura]

I also happened a long time.

[Bert Kreischer]

I haven't gotten punched in the last fight. Fight I got into at the Starbucks with a guy that looked like Louis CK Why?

[Tom Segura]

Why?

[Bert Kreischer]

This is the worst. I was trying to get my bathing suit. It was. It was when we were doing Reality Bites Back and my sisters lived above the Starbucks. So I pulled my bathing suit.

[Tom Segura]

How long ago. How long ago was this?

[Bert Kreischer]

Hold on. That's exactly what I said. I double parked and he got angry. He was in a teal BMW and he was like. He goes, pulls in, and then I'm at the light and he's like talking to me. And I thought it was Louis C.K. so I was like, hey, it's Louis C.K. so I rolled down my window and like, that's not Louis C.K. i go, and he's really upset. I wrote, turn on my radio. And he goes, learn how to park. And I was. And I said to him, I was just getting my bathing suit. And then he was like, huh?

[Virgil]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

And then I was like. And then I. I put it in park. I said, you talk like a tough guy, act like a tough guy. Oh, and I got out of the car.

[Virgil]

So you fully. You fully, like, come here. Yeah, yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

And then everyone. And do you know who? Do you know who? And I can't say he was there, but do you know who was at that Starbucks every day? Every day at that time was Freddy Roach. The boxing.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

And he was always at that Starbucks. I don't know if he was there that day.

[Tom Segura]

This is the Valley one?

[Bert Kreischer]

No, no, this is on Detroit street and Wilshire.

[Virgil]

Okay, watch your ass. Fight.

[Bert Kreischer]

He's like, dude, wait.

[Tom Segura]

So you get out of. Does he get out of the car too?

[Bert Kreischer]

No, he's already out of the car. He's walking to Starbucks. And I got. And I put my car in park and I got out of the car. I was like, what are you gonna do? And he was like sitting there. I go, come on. And then I walked around to the other side of the car. I was like, let's go. What are we gonna do now? Walked into Starbucks. I was like, that's what I thought. And then I got my car and I was like, why am I doing that?

[Virgil]

Yeah, I was gonna say you were on one, fool.

[Bert Kreischer]

No, I had that. I. I don't have that anymore. I don't. That is not in me anywhere at all. But like, there was a lot of times in college that like.

[Virgil]

Oh, this was a while ago.

[Bert Kreischer]

It was a long time ago. This is when.

[Virgil]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. I don't have any, like, inclination to punch anyone.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

And I don't want to be hit at all.

[Virgil]

My dad, he. I remember seeing people getting my dad's face and he'd be like, hey, roll up a joint. Get some shots over here. You tripping. Like, be my friend.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Really?

[Virgil]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

He was able to de. Escalate things.

[Virgil]

Yeah, yeah. Now he's like. He just walking up to you and he's like, what the you gonna do? I've seen him. I've seen him be up, grab somebody's drink, drink it, and sat it down and looked at him, you know, That's.

[Tom Segura]

A pretty hard move.

[Virgil]

Yeah. No, my dad, he just. He's a bully now.

[Bert Kreischer]

Was he? Was he?

[Tom Segura]

But he got more bullyish as he got older.

[Virgil]

Yeah, as he got older, he just. He.

[Tom Segura]

That's hilarious.

[Bert Kreischer]

You guys jacked, right?

[Virgil]

Oh, bro, he's always been like that. The way Rogan, like, he was just always in shape. That's how my dad was. Yeah, My dad, he would. Bro. So he would. He would have all the strip clubs jumping and, you know, and the. The owners love my dad. The Love my dad. So he would bring the house party home every night, Monday through Sunday. And I'm living with him in the seventh grade, and he'd wake me up four or five o' clock in the morning. Son, you ready to get down that whoop ass? What the fuck you talking about? And he would have a house full of women and a few dudes there. And those dudes are there. Cause he met him at the club and he's like, oh, you rap, Ben, watch this. Come on. And he'd bring him home and he'd fucking had me rap battle these grown ass men, and I'd eat him alive. And then one of his hoes would take me to school. Or I'd take the city bus. I mean, or taxi, not the city bus.

[Tom Segura]

That is such a crazy upbringing story.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, yeah, it was crazy.

[Virgil]

It was. I mean, it was fun. It was cool, though. Sometimes I wouldn't even go to school. He'd be like, son, make me oatmeal. I go down there, make him so oatmeal come up, He's. And why. We'd fall asleep all day. I'd wake up, come out my room, the oatmeal's still sitting there.

[Tom Segura]

Like, my story is like, one time I got to watch a rated R movie that year. Like, that's the craziest. That happened to me in seventh grade. There was no strippers and rapping with, like, that's. That's wild, dude.

[Virgil]

But my. My parents were kids when they had me, you know?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Virgil]

So I dig it.

[Bert Kreischer]

So when's. When's the. When's recess come out?

[Virgil]

August. I want to drop it in August.

[Bert Kreischer]

Have you recorded everything already?

[Virgil]

Yeah, it's all done.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's all done.

[Virgil]

That's what I'm saying. I gotta send it to you. I want you to listen.

[Bert Kreischer]

I'd love to. I'd love to do.

[Virgil]

This is like 17 tracks on there.

[Tom Segura]

Nice.

[Bert Kreischer]

Wow. And do you have. Do you. When you make an album, it seems like everyone's got guests on it.

[Virgil]

Yeah. Nah. Yeah, I got some features on there.

[Bert Kreischer]

Features. I'm sorry.

[Virgil]

Yeah, I. I love. I love my Texas artists, though. I just love working with the Texas artists. Yeah, I feel like the Power Rangers whenever we fucking link together, you know? But I got Denzel on there. He not from Texas, but Denzel is one of my favorite features on there. Of course Wayne is on there.

[Bert Kreischer]

What's it like working with Wayne?

[Virgil]

I wasn't with him in the studio.

[Bert Kreischer]

No, you weren't?

[Virgil]

No, I wasn't. But it was cool as fuck, you know, having. Cause like, bro, if you're rapping from 95 to now, you or your favorite rapper was influenced by Wayne.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, 100%, dude.

[Virgil]

1,000%. I mean, I could have 10 years straight. He had. He got my whole childhood in a headlock. Yeah, Drake. He brought out Drake. What the. Yeah, Drake's one of the greatest, you know?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Virgil]

And then I' ma also say this. Wayne considered the greatest of all time.

[Bert Kreischer]

Wayne, right? Yeah.

[Virgil]

And he's reciting Big Mo lyrics. He's sipping drink that's all Texas. You know, you got. You got Drake coming from Canada, talking about, oh, Houston, strippers, candy paint, switching colors in the light. I'm in love with syrup. Like, that's all Texas. Texas that, you know, like, for the longest, Texas has been the. Nobody just wanted to give us our flowers. And now you got people like, big extra plug and. Yeah. You know, me and. And I don't know. I guess that's what it took to get the recognition. Yeah, but it's like, we've been the.

[Bert Kreischer]

Are you. Is it possible that you will be the biggest Mexican rapper in history?

[Virgil]

I don't know who's.

[Bert Kreischer]

Who's got the title right now.

[Virgil]

I don't know. There's some hard Mexican rappers, though.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, yeah.

[Virgil]

But I. That I'm just gonna go down in general. Hard. Yeah, yeah, because I. Because I'm on a lot of the whites. I'm on a lot of the blacks. I'm on a lot of races that are rapping.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, I thought I was like, that's Thomas Act.

[Virgil]

Oh, have you seen movie 43?

[Bert Kreischer]

No.

[Virgil]

What's homeboy's name? Movie 43. I was just showing you the scene where he was giving them the speech. Yeah. Terrence Howard. But. But there's the white dude, man.

[Bert Kreischer]

Find it someone that works for me.

[Virgil]

The white dude, right?

[Bert Kreischer]

From the bear.

[Virgil]

Yes.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Virgil]

Cool as, bro. Anyways, there's a skit in this movie where the girl was like, I love you. Like, I want to. I want to get serious with you. And he was like, okay, let's do it. She was like. She was like, I just need you to do something for me. And he was like, what? Anything, babe. I love you. She was like, I want you to poop on me, cuz. Right there. Dennis. Dennis Quaid. Yeah. Anyway, she was like, I want you to poop on me. And he was like, what the. What? He was like, all right.

[Bert Kreischer]

He's in this movie.

[Virgil]

Everybody.

[Bert Kreischer]

Everyone's in this movie.

[Virgil]

Please watch it.

[Bert Kreischer]

I will. Now. Justin Long.

[Virgil]

All of them, bro. All the greats. Justin Long. Shout out Justin Long. I would love to smoke and meet you, dog.

[Bert Kreischer]

I think that's attainable. Apparently, he's a really cool dude, and he just hangs.

[Virgil]

I Love Justin.

[Tom Segura]

Movie 43.

[Virgil]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

You got. You know who you got to get, you know, you got to do. Go take a piss. You know who you got to rap with is Tom Hardy.

[Virgil]

Tom Hardy.

[Bert Kreischer]

Do you know Tom Hardy?

[Virgil]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Pull up Tom Hardy. Rapping Tom Hardy. Apparently, that's his Whole thing was he was going to be a rapper first.

[Virgil]

What?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, but I think he does that like. I think you.

[Virgil]

Me?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. Tom Hardy's a rapper.

[Virgil]

You know who's the hardest rapper that's not a rapper?

[Bert Kreischer]

Who?

[Virgil]

Charlotte Buff. I heard that he's the nastiest dog. I was talking to Yellow Yellow Wolf and he was trying to get him on the song and he was like, nah man, it's just a hobby, dude.

[Bert Kreischer]

Did you ever see him on Sway?

[Virgil]

Shut the up.

[Bert Kreischer]

Here. Put headsets on. You can hear it. Their headsets right next to you.

[Virgil]

What? The eyes I don't Right as I can these a memory life for surrounded by these life and lies in this world. I hold my wife to my chest in the night. I press her face close to mine. Wipe the tears from my eyes I don't need to see my baby cry My hand to hold it tight as I can. These are memories to die for.

[Bert Kreischer]

Hey guys. Yeah.

[Virgil]

To the beginning Is he talking about God? Wipe the tears from my eyes I don't. To see my baby cry. You hold my hand to hold it tight as I can. These are memories to die for people to die for These are real life to live for people to die for the real people to fight for the real people. They take you, replace you and play through your life. Politicians always do but the laws state that we're all free. But they make more papers and we get red tape and they get all the tape and we get clues with your big mistakes in real estate we put up with Bill Case where we got and identify someone's mistake.

[Bert Kreischer]

What do you think about like British.

[Virgil]

They rocket fuel and it's not cool.

[Bert Kreischer]

To make a man cuz they got. I don't, I don't know it all. I. I'm not on British hip hop.

[Virgil]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

I love, I love what's. What's my favorite guy Poundy Wy?

[Virgil]

I don't know.

[Bert Kreischer]

Bouny.

[Virgil]

I don't. I don't know. I don't know enough to answer that.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Virgil]

But I'm going to tell you what I do know. And I'm not too much of a fan of it.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Virgil]

From what I do know.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Virgil]

I mean, you know, of course I know Central C. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? But other than that, I ain't really just did my homework into it. I'm not a big fan of it.

[Bert Kreischer]

There's some of it. I mean I like all rap. I feel like what's interesting to me is just the same way that like Atlanta has its sound. Memphis has it sound.

[Virgil]

You can know where they from.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. And then I think that. That Britain's just a different place that just has one sound.

[Virgil]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

You know? Yeah. I mean, I've always said this. It blew my mind when I moved from. Because I listened to hip hop growing up. I was in Florida. Florida. Everything was about having a car with bass, a dunk.

[Virgil]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had Donks.

[Bert Kreischer]

Well, I had a Volkswagen Fox, but I had space in it. And. And when I moved to New York, I was listening to Wu Tang Clan and I was like, there's no bass in this.

[Virgil]

Yeah, it's all boom, bat.

[Bert Kreischer]

But it's all. Because it's that everyone's got headsets on. That's how they take in their hip hop. I was like, oh. And so my favorite. One of my favorite rappers ever, two duos is MJG and 8Ball.

[Virgil]

What?

[Bert Kreischer]

Love them.

[Virgil]

That's sick.

[Bert Kreischer]

If you ask my dog. When my daughters were little girls, I used to play alcohol and weed all the time in the car.

[Virgil]

Yeah, that's hard.

[Bert Kreischer]

As MJ's Orange Mound, Tennessee.

[Virgil]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Swab House. The dude I. That was like, my favorite.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Virgil]

Oh, I love that east coast rap, though.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Hell, yeah.

[Virgil]

Yeah, I'm big.

[Bert Kreischer]

I was really into hip hop.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, that era, too, is like, you know, everything from, like, Rakim Kane, Gangstar.

[Virgil]

I'm gonna say Buster 50 and Big L. Yeah. The reason why I'm Dirty, Fast and Player.

[Tom Segura]

Those three.

[Virgil]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Virgil]

And I like the East Coast. As a student of the game, the east coast is what made me an animal.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Virgil]

I'm from the south, so I'm forever gonna have that swagger and that cool. You know what I'm saying? But, like, as far as being complex, the east coast made it.

[Tom Segura]

They made it.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Virgil]

Yeah. For sure. Like, bro, the way they would manipulate words to. To rhyme but still make sense, you know what I'm saying? Like, the being able to rhyme the whole bar and not just the last word. You know what I'm saying? Like, that was sick.

[Tom Segura]

The Sellers guys have, like, inimitable styles. Like, you know, there was a time where, like, you could.

[Virgil]

And then the way they're animated.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, they're animated. But, like, you know, it's so, like, it's so hard to emulate Busta's style.

[Virgil]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

So specifically him. And it's complicated. Yeah, right. It's complicated. Like, it's not easy to. To hear it and, like, say it back. You have that too. Where I feel like it's complicated. It's not. You're not easy guy to mimic.

[Virgil]

Thank you.

[Tom Segura]

You know, which is, I think, a huge compliment.

[Virgil]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

But like.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I feel like Busta was one of the ones where you're like, nasty. Yeah.

[Virgil]

Did you ever jam the Worldwide choppers? No technique. It was Tech nine. Buster Twister had all the fastest rappers on there. Yellow Wolf was on that.

[Tom Segura]

Yes.

[Virgil]

I remember. I remember jamming crazy.

[Bert Kreischer]

I love that. We're both barefoot.

[Virgil]

Oh, yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Can I tell you, I knew you were my guy.

[Virgil]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

When you rolled into my house barefoot.

[Tom Segura]

I'm like, tom, it's such a burp move.

[Bert Kreischer]

I am barefoot. I'm a barefoot.

[Virgil]

You can do that? Oh, nice.

[Tom Segura]

It's wild.

[Virgil]

Hey, I opened a soda can at Mike Boosie's house on my toe.

[Tom Segura]

With us.

[Bert Kreischer]

You could do a soda can in Orlando.

[Virgil]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Are you. Me?

[Virgil]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Are you serious?

[Virgil]

We need to go.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, we do. That's where you can shoot some guns and some gator.

[Virgil]

Oh, yeah. In the. In the. The fan boat. Yeah. Bro, that is sick.

[Tom Segura]

Gator hunting's crazy down there.

[Virgil]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

The first place I ever had gator was Orlando.

[Virgil]

I didn't. I didn't think that was legal doing it there.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah. They do it. Yeah. I mean, you can go on the 520 and stop on the way to the airport and get like fresh caught gator, which sick as amazing.

[Bert Kreischer]

The best is all the people catching pythons.

[Tom Segura]

That's that.

[Virgil]

You know what I want? I want to hunt iguana.

[Bert Kreischer]

You can. They're invasive.

[Virgil]

Yeah, that's what. That's what they were telling me out there. I want to do that bad.

[Tom Segura]

I think we have some hunting trips planned, guys.

[Bert Kreischer]

I think we do do, bro.

[Tom Segura]

We got a rap. We got to get to that.

[Bert Kreischer]

We got a bottle signing. We gotta go sign bottles of our vodka. Do you drink, bro?

[Virgil]

Yes.

[Bert Kreischer]

We'll get some vodka for you so you can.

[Tom Segura]

You like vodka?

[Virgil]

I like tequila.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Virgil]

That clear? Give me mean.

[Bert Kreischer]

Okay. Can I tell you, this is how the. The liquor business works.

[Virgil]

Let me see.

[Bert Kreischer]

I was talking to. I was talking to. I was talking to a bro, A beer guy. And I said something. And I. And I said something like. So, you know, I think he worked for like Corona. And I was like, you know, you should get really great comedian. I don't know if you know him, Steve Trevino from. He's in Texas, but he's Mexican guy. He's really big. He's a beer drinker. You should get him. And this guy said to me, man, we already got the Mexicans. I need a white like you. No, I said, really? He goes, yeah, man, you go against brand. So, like, if I'm selling tequila, I don't try to get a Mexican guy to sponsor my tequila. I need a white guy like George Clooney to sell tequila to white. Oh, Tommy. What we need tequila is a Mexican to sell our vodka.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, I got you. I got you.

[Bert Kreischer]

If we can break into the Mexican culture and just go. So, hey, it's not a tequila night.

[Virgil]

Come on.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's a vodka night.

[Virgil]

Yeah, come on. Yeah, we could do that.

[Tom Segura]

We could do that.

[Bert Kreischer]

Are you looking for some liquor without the taste of tequila at all?

[Virgil]

What you chase it for, you guys? Pickle juice.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, you do?

[Virgil]

Yeah, I'll be a pickle back. That bad?

[Tom Segura]

You gotta try. You gotta try this vodka.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's great vodka.

[Virgil]

It's great. You got it right now?

[Bert Kreischer]

Right now?

[Virgil]

Yeah. Pull the bad boy out.

[Bert Kreischer]

Let's take a shot of vodka.

[Virgil]

I just want some rabbit. Let me smell it. Let me just smell it.

[Bert Kreischer]

I would like. I would like your taste as an artist.

[Virgil]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

You. You are a person who picks what they wear. And I gotta tell you, your style is. Your style is unquestionable.

[Virgil]

Thank you.

[Bert Kreischer]

You design your albums, you write your raps. Everything is yours. It's your thumbprint as an artist. I'd love to see. This is our thumbprint. We picked everything from the label to this, to the styling, to the. To the every aspect of this bottle we hand picked.

[Virgil]

Well, if it's. I. I already know I' ma with it because it's coming from your brain like that.

[Bert Kreischer]

I hope you like it. And then. And then, actually, and. And Mom, I know this is going to sound like this is what you have to say, but the truth is we had about 15 flavor profiles that we had to pick from. And me and him landed on the exact same two. And then on those two, we tasted them a couple times and we chose one independent. We didn't tell each other what we picked, and we picked the exact same taste. We've won how many contests in our gold.

[Tom Segura]

We're gold medal in, I think three now. Yeah.

[Virgil]

Damn.

[Bert Kreischer]

So we're. It's legit. And. And I. All I have is bottles of tequila of this vodka in this house. And I'm waiting going where?

[Virgil]

Just.

[Bert Kreischer]

How about where I keep all of them? Yeah, I got two things.

[Tom Segura]

I saw 15 on the way in.

[Bert Kreischer]

There's 15. I don't know how it's. Is it Sandra? Is it. She Just learned English so she gets lost.

[Tom Segura]

All right.

[Bert Kreischer]

Hey, Sandra, Ask someone if you're having a hard time.

[Tom Segura]

We need glasses, too.

[Bert Kreischer]

Good luck, Tom. Sandra's gonna come up. I'm gonna go. Need glasses inside my readers. Oh, these not ones. Today's Peter's last day. Ooh. All right, here we go, Sandra. Cool. We'll just drink out of our palms of our hands. Okay, good. Oh.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, nice.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, I told him you just learned English.

[Tom Segura]

Thank you.

[Virgil]

Oh, shut the up.

[Bert Kreischer]

She's the best actress in this entire country.

[Tom Segura]

Do you like it here? Do you like America? Nice.

[Virgil]

Nice.

[Bert Kreischer]

We did a read. We did a read where she spoke in Vietnam because there's a lot of Vietnamese.

[Tom Segura]

Thank you.

[Virgil]

She.

[Bert Kreischer]

There's a lot of Vietnamese. Corpus Christi, Texas, in Houston. A lot of Vietnamese people. Oh, is that Corpus Christi?

[Virgil]

Oh, yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Must have sold out.

[Tom Segura]

By the way, this is distilled. Right. Right outside of Houston.

[Virgil]

Let me see this. Oh, no. By the way.

[Bert Kreischer]

Hey, hang on.

[Virgil]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Would you be interested in a tequila? Because I think we're gonna.

[Virgil]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Virgil]

Sick. I love the whole bear thing, too.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Virgil]

Such. You can't eat bear.

[Bert Kreischer]

You can.

[Virgil]

She's got mercury.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, you gotta eat it slowly.

[Virgil]

All right. Come on, man. Let's do this.

[Tom Segura]

Let's do this. Cheers, boys.

[Virgil]

Bottles are 10 out of 10, man. Hopefully it tastes good.

[Tom Segura]

Thanks for coming here today.

[Virgil]

Hey, what am I doing?

[Bert Kreischer]

Congratulations on recess. I can't wait to hear Project Recess. Congratulations on. Congratulations on all your stuff. Success, man.

[Virgil]

Thank you.

[Bert Kreischer]

You are a fun person. You're a fun person to end up in my scroll. I. Whenever I see you, I get excited. You bring a smile to my face. Keep being you, man.

[Virgil]

Man. Thank you, brother. Bless us, baby brother. So many more, cousin.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, I got to tap your glass. There we go.

[Virgil]

Let's go.

[Bert Kreischer]

Here we go.

[Virgil]

Oh, what the. Nice.

[Tom Segura]

Hey, that's a good. That's a good review.

[Bert Kreischer]

Whoa.

[Tom Segura]

I'll take that.

[Virgil]

Holy smok. Do it.

[Tom Segura]

It's a good way to start the day.

[Virgil]

This is dangerous. Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Virgil]

Holy this sick, bro. I can take this. Yeah, we need to sell this.

[Bert Kreischer]

Hey, I bet you say it better than I say it.

[Virgil]

Yeah. You want some vodka? Come get it from the Mexican dog. Yeah. That is bad, bro. I hate drinking.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Virgil]

Hate it.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, me too.

[Virgil]

It has. What the. That me. Yeah, right. That me.

[Bert Kreischer]

I hate. I hate drinking. I hate cake. I mean, French fries pissed me off, too.

[Virgil]

Cj, please try this.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Virgil]

Holy.

[Tom Segura]

We got a rap.

[Bert Kreischer]

Let's rap.

[Virgil]

Thank you, guys. Hey, again, boys. Blessings. Y' all have a good one. May God be with everybody. We love you. Peace.

[Bert Kreischer]

Peace. Bert and Tom. Tom and Bert. One goes tops while the other wears a shirt. Tom tells stories and Bert's the machine.

[Virgil]

There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean.

[Bert Kreischer]

Here's what we call two bears, one cave.