Kill Tony Hits Netflix & Kyle Dunnigan’s Most Hated Impression | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Summary

Podcast Summary: 2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

Episode: Kill Tony Hits Netflix & Kyle Dunnigan’s Most Hated Impression
Release Date: April 7, 2025
Host: YMH Studios
Guests: Kyle Dunnigan
Description: In this episode of Two Bears, One Cave, comedians Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer are joined by Kyle Dunnigan to discuss a variety of topics, including Kyle's struggles with dating, the release of the Kill Tony special on Netflix, and the challenges of performing impressions.

---

1. Introduction and Guest Setup

The episode begins with Bert Kreischer promoting his new Netflix special, Lucky. However, Korn Kreischer is absent as he's attending a fat loss camp, prompting Tom Segura to introduce their guest for the episode, Kyle Dunnigan. Tom humorously highlights Kyle's extensive media presence across CNN, Fox News, PBS, and 60 Minutes.

Notable Quote:

• Tom Segura [00:10]: "...we have an incredible fill in this guy. You've seen him on CNN, you've seen him on Fox News, you've seen him on PBS, you've seen him on 60 Minutes. It's Kyle Dunnigan, everybody."

---

2. Kyle Dunnigan’s Introduction and Early Banter

Tom and Kyle engage in light-hearted banter about Kyle's weight, setting a comedic tone for the episode. Kyle humorously downplays his weight, claiming he hasn't weighed himself in months and jokes about his speed and attractiveness despite his low weight.

Notable Quotes:

• Kyle Dunnigan [00:56]: "I'm not even 150 pounds..."
• Tom Segura [00:57]: "How much do you weigh?"
• Kyle Dunnigan [01:03]: "I'm really light. I haven't weighed myself in a couple months, but like I'm about buck 40, dude."

---

3. Navigating the Dating Scene

A significant portion of the episode delves into Kyle's experiences and frustrations with dating. He discusses the challenges of dating apps, particularly the height preferences that seem to disadvantage him. The conversation explores societal expectations, personal preferences, and the awkwardness Kyle faces when dating significantly taller women.

Key Topics:

• Height Discrimination: Both hosts lament the emphasis on height in dating profiles, with Kyle expressing frustration over not meeting the preferred height criteria.

• Dating App Struggles: Kyle shares anecdotes about unsuccessful dates, often attributing the lack of connections to superficial preferences rather than actual compatibility.

• Approach to Dating: Discussion about traditional dating dynamics, such as who pays for the date, with Kyle emphasizing his willingness to cover expenses but feeling undermined when efforts aren't reciprocated.

Notable Quotes:

• Tom Segura [02:41]: "Most men, like, we go, well, I dated a girl that was five feet tall."
• Kyle Dunnigan [03:10]: "But I don't think I'm weird. I think I'm doing a good job on the dates."
• Kyle Dunnigan [03:39]: "It's a lot of pressure. And then the guy has to plan the date."

---

4. Kill Tony Special on Netflix

The conversation shifts to the Kill Tony special now available on Netflix. Tom and Kyle discuss their participation in the special, highlighting the unique format and the variety of impressions performed by different comedians. They particularly focus on Kyle's impression of Elon Musk, detailing the preparation, execution, and audience reactions.

Key Topics:

• Impressions and Performances: Kyle explains the process of performing impressions live without a script, emphasizing the spontaneity and challenges involved.

• Elon Musk Impression: Tom praises Kyle's Elon Musk impression, noting its accuracy and the comedic elements Kyle incorporated, such as the shoulder roll and distinctive laugh.

• Audience and Critical Reception: They discuss audience reactions, both positive and negative, and the overall success of the special in capturing the essence of various public figures.

Notable Quotes:

• Tom Segura [08:57]: "When I was told that you were doing Elon, I was like, oh, I wonder what this will be like."
• Kyle Dunnigan [10:00]: "I have to get a prosthetic just to look, but it came out crazy. I looked like Fat Bastard from Austin Powers."
• Tom Segura [10:16]: "I feel like it was one of the funniest I've ever seen."

---

5. The Art of Doing Impressions

Tom and Kyle delve deeper into the nuances of performing impressions, discussing the techniques, difficulties, and personal experiences related to impersonating celebrities. They touch upon the importance of capturing both visual and vocal traits to make an impression authentic and funny.

Key Topics:

• Techniques for Authenticity: Emphasis on mimicking unique mannerisms and speech patterns to bring impressions to life.

• Challenges: Kyle shares anecdotes about instances where his impressions didn't land as intended, leading to mixed audience reactions.

• Creative Process: Discussion about developing and refining impressions, especially in a live setting where improvisation is crucial.

Notable Quotes:

• Tom Segura [11:37]: "They were just trying to, like, figure it out. But it was."
• Kyle Dunnigan [12:04]: "There's some I just can't do and some come easy and some are a little bit of work."
• Tom Segura [12:48]: "If you were doing this like weekly, you would just like get into such a crazy zone."

---

6. Personal Lives and Comedic Inspirations

The hosts and Kyle share personal insights into their lives, including relationships, hobbies, and comedic influences. Kyle discusses his move from LA to New York, his attempts to improve his social life through various activities, and his experiences with solo vacations.

Key Topics:

• Relocation and Lifestyle Changes: Kyle explains his transition from Los Angeles to New York City, highlighting the reasons behind the move and his current living situation.

• Social Activities: He mentions joining a pickleball league and attempting to take up jiu-jitsu as ways to meet new people and enhance his self-esteem.

• Solo Travel Experiences: Kyle recounts his challenging solo trip to Puerto Vallarta, emphasizing feelings of isolation and discomfort in family-oriented resorts.

Notable Quotes:

• Kyle Dunnigan [18:17]: "I'm going to do jiu jitsu, which I shouldn't do. Jiu jitsu. That's like a neck."
• Tom Segura [31:15]: "Have you ever done that?"
• Kyle Dunnigan [74:06]: "I went to Puerto Vallarta in Mexico... It was just all family. No one goes alone to this resort."

---

7. Reflections on Comedy and Public Reception

The episode concludes with reflections on the nature of comedy, audience engagement, and the balance between personal authenticity and public expectations. Tom and Kyle discuss the fine line comedians walk between being true to themselves and catering to audience preferences.

Key Topics:

• Authenticity in Comedy: The importance of staying true to one's comedic voice versus altering it to appease different audiences.

• Audience Engagement: Strategies for connecting with diverse audiences, handling mixed reactions, and maintaining confidence despite setbacks.

• Future Aspirations: Both hosts express their dedication to their craft, emphasizing the joy they find in performing and creating content.

Notable Quotes:

• Tom Segura [73:46]: "I like doing this stuff. I like doing stand up. I like making a show. I like."
• Kyle Dunnigan [75:28]: "I'm never going to turn down. I'm talking. I never will turn down money ever."

---

8. Closing Remarks and Best Wishes

As the episode wraps up, Kyle expresses his appreciation to Tom and Bert, and Tom extends best wishes to Bert for his weight loss journey. The hosts maintain their signature humor, leaving listeners entertained and engaged.

Notable Quotes:

• Kyle Dunnigan [78:31]: "Bert, keep going, buddy. You gotta lose one Kyle. And you'll be there soon, pal."
• Tom Segura [78:41]: "You want to wish best wishes to Bert for his weight loss journey?"

---

Conclusion

This episode of Two Bears, One Cave offers a blend of humor, personal anecdotes, and behind-the-scenes insights into the world of stand-up comedy. Through Kyle Dunnigan's candid discussions about dating and his comedic endeavors, listeners gain a deeper appreciation for the challenges and triumphs faced by comedians in both their personal and professional lives. The highlight of the episode, centered around the Kill Tony Netflix special, provides a humorous exploration of the art of impressions, showcasing the dedication and creativity required to entertain diverse audiences.

Stay Connected:

• Kyle Dunnigan's Website: kyledunnigan.com
• Instagram: @iledunnigan1
• Netflix Special: Kill or Be Killed - Available now on Netflix

Don’t Miss Next Week’s Episode: Tom and Bert tease next week’s guests, promising more laughs and entertaining discussions. Tune in for more comedic brilliance and the ever-engaging chemistry between two of the funniest comedians in the industry.

Transcript

[Bert Kreischer]

My new special, Lucky is streaming right now on Netflix. Check it out. Hundred percent.

[Tom Segura]

Welcome to another episode of Two Bears One Cave. Today's topics, the situation in Ukraine. The market continues to go down and there's no better person to discuss Russia real world issues with than my regular co host, Fat Bert Kreischer. But he is at fat camp. And so as he continues to try to lose £150, we have an incredible fill in this guy. You've seen him on cnn, you've seen him on Fox News, you've seen him on PBS, you've seen him on 60 Minutes. It's Kyle Dunnigan, everybody.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah, thanks to my credits. I'm not even 150 pounds, so he would lose more than I am.

[Tom Segura]

How much do you weigh?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I'm really light. I haven't weighed myself in a couple months, but like I'm about buck 40, dude.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. What's that? Like?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

It's good for jumping.

[Tom Segura]

And I bet you can run like the wind, right?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I can run pretty fast. Girls can pick me up.

[Tom Segura]

That's kind of hot.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Do you ever, you ever hook up with like a chick who's like significantly?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Really? Yeah, it's like a six footer who's.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Like, yeah, I did.

[Tom Segura]

How was that?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

It's a little weird, but do you.

[Tom Segura]

Kind of like it though?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I have to like change, you know, my kink has to be like, baby. Like I'm a baby.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

You know, what's wrong with this? Nothing. And then, yeah, you get like a diaper and that kind of thing. But yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, I, I, it feels like a different species when a woman's like that. Yeah, yeah, like that much bigger than me.

[Tom Segura]

Well, sometimes like, I remember I did a show one time and after the show there was a woman in the lobby, she was 6 4. And somebody was like, oh yeah, she plays for Team USA volleyball. And I looked at her like she was a sculpture in a museum. Like, I went up there and I was like, like just admired her. I was like, Jesus Christ. She was also super feminine. Like she wasn't right.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah, you can be like, that's beautiful. But you don't sell, sexualize them because it's just like a different species.

[Tom Segura]

It's a species. Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Women love tall too. They like men to be tall more than ever.

[Tom Segura]

It's, I know. It's like sometimes it's people's like their bio, don't talk to me if you're not. You know what I mean?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah, I'm on dating app. It's like under 5, 10. Don't bother.

[Tom Segura]

Don't bother.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Bother. Ouch.

[Tom Segura]

Which is crazy, I think, because it's always been a thing where I go. Yeah. Most men, like, we go, well, I dated a girl that was five feet tall.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And I dated a girl that was six feet tall. And what you'll find is you'll, you'll just like somebody for who they are. You're gonna vibe with. You don't go into it being like she's only five feet. No.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah. I, I tell them, I say, eventually I get hot after a while.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

And they just don't believe me.

[Tom Segura]

Are you dating now?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I go on dates and it's, it's not been good.

[Tom Segura]

Why?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Well, I, I, it might be like, I'm definitely the common denominator.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

But I don't think I'm weird. I think I'm doing a good job on the dates.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

But there's a lot of. You got to pay for the thing. Which is fine, you know, because women like pay for their, you know, hair and stuff.

[Tom Segura]

Right.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

That's expensive. And I'm like, I'm, that's cool.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

But then sometimes this one girl came and, you know, just like, like ragged armpit hair. And it's like, if we're doing the. I'm a man, you're a woman, you got to do the woman thing if we're doing it. You know what I mean? Yes.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

So that's. And then, I don't know, I find, I think it's like really hard for people to go on dates. It's just a lot of pressure. And then the guy has to. You have to plan the date.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

That's another thing, which I don't do stuff. Like, I don't. So I'm presenting like, this is who I am. Not right away for a month. I'm like, oh, you want to go wine tasting? It's not me. Don't do that.

[Tom Segura]

But so isn't it better like. Cuz that's what we all. Everybody who's been on a date knows what you're talking about, which is you're presenting who you think you'll like.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

And then after a month, you got to go, he's dead.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

You'll never see him again.

[Tom Segura]

Guy doesn't. I don't drink wine. No is wrong with you?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I know. I do have to. I do like to drink on a first date, but I don't really drink much, but just to loosen it up.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. But that also feels like a stand. It's better than coffee.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Oh, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Don't take someone for coffee. Everyone's got a.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Like, everyone has to start.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

The worst date is a movie date because you. You don't know them.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

And you walk in, and for two hours you're together and you don't know each other, and you walk out. Hours have gone by, and you're still strangers. And something in your brain goes like.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, no, movie date's a bad idea.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I've been with this person too long. I saw Amy Winehouse movie with this girl that I really liked.

[Tom Segura]

Date one.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

It was our second date, okay. And it was just such a bummer, but we both walked out depressed. It was like, bad. Hey, she's. That doesn't end well, that Amy Winehouse story.

[Tom Segura]

I just saw this guy, he was on our show once, and I was like, what do you like to do on a date? He's like, oh, you know, girl comes over and, you know, we just, like, watch a movie, just chill. I was like, that's pretty cool. I go, do you have, like, a favorite movie? And he goes, yeah, and he named. He goes. I like. Like, it was some Sandler movie, like one of the Jack and Jill. One of, like, the Happy Madison movies. And he goes. Or he goes, my other one. My other go to is Dallas Buyers Club. And I was like, the AIDS movie? He was like, yeah, it's a great movie. That's your first date movie. He was like, sometimes that's insane, dude. So crazy.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Does he have him just come over right away for. Come over and he's. Apartment he's not 100.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I. I don't know. I. Yeah, I do the thing. I ask questions and I do the thing. I talked about them. This one girl goes, I let her pick a restaurant. Pick the most expensive restaurant she did in Los Angeles.

[Tom Segura]

That's crazy.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Okay. And then she's talking about herself, though. Didn't ask me any. Hour and a half goes by, and it became interesting. Like, she. She never doesn't know anything about me. And then she goes, I love Portland. Blah, blah. And I was just in Portland. I go, I was just in Portland.

[Tom Segura]

And she just went right over it.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah. Awkward pause. That's awkward. To not go, oh, how.

[Tom Segura]

Well, yeah. How was my favorite city?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was weird.

[Tom Segura]

That's. But that's such a. I mean, it sucks you had to spend the money to figure it out, but it's such a good way to be. Like, yeah, I'll Never see this person. Also pretty. Like, I'm down. You know, I think you're the man. You pay for the first date, but for the person to go, let me pick the most expensive place as a first date.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Rude.

[Tom Segura]

Pretty. It's kind of. Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

That's bold.

[Tom Segura]

Very.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

What about this thing when you hook up, you know, and then like a bunch of months go by and they go, hey, to let's go check out whatever a movie, you know, and you haven't.

[Tom Segura]

You haven't seen her since you hooked up.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah. And then like, you go and you pay for the movie. And then after she's like, hey, let's get dinner. And then you pay for dinner. And then she's like, bye.

[Tom Segura]

You've had that.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

That seems like.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Huh. It's like if we're friends.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

That's like h. You know, h. Friends.

[Tom Segura]

Then you should go half.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Half.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I don't know.

[Tom Segura]

And you. You had hooked up months before.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You know who you are.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

You know, you are just, you know.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Venmo.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Him. I would love that.

[Tom Segura]

That'd be awesome. If right after this comes out, it just goes ding.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

That might happen.

[Tom Segura]

Well, that's a shitty thing to do. It's a shitty thing to do, you guys.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Unless you're feeling sick or something, I guess.

[Tom Segura]

Let me tell everybody because right now, as of this moment, Kill or Be Killed is out. Now it's on Netflix. It's a special episode of Kill Tony. We were both at that. In. Participated in.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yes, we did.

[Tom Segura]

Some way. I participated in sitting there and like, they were just like counts. Yeah. They were like, just don't. I don't know. Just react.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Watch the show.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I was like, okay.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah. So we just sit on stage and then it was. And you'll see if you go check this out. It was so funny. It was one of the funniest fucking.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Like nights Fever dream of a show.

[Tom Segura]

It was so crazy. Again, you can see it. It's on Netflix. And obviously Kill Tony comes out every Monday. It's always a fun ride of craziness. But I feel like it was also because this is a special event where it's like the first time it's going on Netflix, it was in overdrive.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

It was. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Of like, especially with characters. Right. Because like the show has, you know, they're kind of their regulars that do their time. And then these bucket pools were like random open micros basically are kind of.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Getting to try. And it was a full rate. You get the full range of like, hey, that was impressive. Oh, my God, that was terrible. And some funny things between. But, like, Shane was Trump. Adam Ray did Biden and Dr. Phil, and you did Elon Musk and RFK Jr. And, dude, it was. It was some of the funniest I've ever seen. I started the show in the balcony. I was just watching from the balcony. And when I was told that you were doing Elon, I was like, oh, I wonder what this will be like. And it was so funny to watch you do these, like, These quirks and. And mannerisms.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Like, he has a shoulder roll.

[Tom Segura]

The shoulder roll. This. The. His accent.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And the, the, the, the, the, the. The stammering.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

So, so, so. Yeah. Yeah. And his laugh is like, I almost pass out. It's so much air to do his laugh. He's like. It's like a major. It's really cool. Yeah. Yeah. That whole night was.

[Tom Segura]

And the best. What added so much to it was like a. I was like, I don't think I've seen. I don't know that I've seen someone do an Elon.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And you had, like, the hat and, like, you had an outfit.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I think you were wearing crazy.

[Tom Segura]

It was crate. You had a crate. Yeah. He looks crazy. But also the fact that you were sitting next to Rogan.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And you're like, this is my good friend.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Good friend. Like, best friend. Yeah. I had gotten. Because I look nothing.

[Tom Segura]

He was so uncomfortable. It looked like. Didn't know what to do.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I know. I felt bad, but it was so funny. I look nothing like Elon Musk.

[Tom Segura]

Nothing.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

The opposite. Like, I have a long neck. He has no neck. I have a peanut face. He has a watermelon.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

And so I had to get a prosthetic just to look, but it came out crazy. I looked.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. I mean, that with the hat is. That was you. That. That was. You were there wearing the hat and everything.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah, but the, The.

[Tom Segura]

No, I know the face.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Fat Bastard from Austin Powers. It was like. It was insane. But, yeah. I don't. I don't know how it turned. I. I thank you for saying it was good. I was just, like, out of my mind.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

What was going on?

[Tom Segura]

I think so many people, too, were like, they didn't know, like, you were nailing it, and they were just like. I think a lot of people were like, I don't even know how, like, what an Elon Musk impression is.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Like, they were just trying to, like, figure it out. But it was. I was absolutely dying.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I'M so glad you were liked it.

[Tom Segura]

Oh my God. So fun. Do you feel like too? Because I remember I asked one time, so another comedian who's like really good at doing impressions of people.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I was like, how do you know? He's like, you honestly just try and you either are like, I have it right or like, I can't do this one. Yeah, you kind of lean into it if you can, and if you can't, you're like, I can't do that one. Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

There's some I just can't do and some come easy and some are a little bit of work. But it was just the level of like when you go. You started live, you know, it's like, it's nerve wracking, I'm sure. And you go out there and it's live. This is like doing that. But we have no script and go out there.

[Tom Segura]

Right. I mean. Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

And there's so much going on. You want to interrupt and you. But you're not. You want to, you know, do a thing and. Yeah, it's a really, it's very good. A good workout.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I mean I'd like, you know, if you did it like more it. You get better and better at it. But it's.

[Tom Segura]

Oh my God. If you were doing this like weekly, couple days a week, like putting on it, like it would, you would just like get into such a crazy zone. Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Because you can't, you can't practice that. It's like I sit on my couch as we talked about for months, you know, basically alone and then it's like, go out and do that and then like I'll be. I'm alone a lot. Dude. Dude, I'm alone so much. I'm not kidding. I'm in my dreams. I'm alone.

[Tom Segura]

In your dreams?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah. Like my brain doesn't know. Forgot what company is and it's like we're in a field.

[Tom Segura]

Do you prefer it?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Kind of. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. What's your favorite. What's your. What's the best dating app for you?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I get? I mean I, I've hinge I think might be the best. It's connected to friends or something.

[Bert Kreischer]

So I like to work out before I come to work. And what I do is I work out and then I walk to work and sometimes when I get something's burning or a podcast or Two Bears is already about to start and I don't have time to, to. To manage my odor the way I'd like to. It's been somewhat of a challenge and I'm telling you right now, this Cremo stuff. This Cremo deodorant is phenomenal. It provides men with 48 hours of odor protection. Oh, my God. And the other products are made barber grade and made with pride, professionalism and passion to guarantee you a quality without compromise. Their body care. Superb body care. Cremo's new signature deodorant Sense shows the company's dedication to creating quality products and ingredients. Upscale. Upscales ingredients to fit the taste of every man. I'll tell you right now, this Italian bergamot is freaking awesome.

[Tom Segura]

That's what.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, and Paulo Santo. God. Good uncommon sense with distinct scents. It's crafted from a thoughtful blend of ingredients. Cremo deodorant enhances the possibilities of men's body care. Deodorant isn't just for smelling good or avoiding sweat. The scent you choose sets the tone of how you present yourself to a female and or partner and or work partner. They help make men smell unforgettable and leave unforgettable impressions every time. Cremel offers a wide range of other grooming products, including I don't have an in here shave cream, but this is the stuff I love. Shampoo and body wash. They've got beard oil. You can find your favorite scent and buy the whole body care for the whole line. And it's awesome. I'm telling you right now. They also have these colognes. I just got into clones and I love this Palo Santo. I love the name. I want to name clones. Let's give it a scent. This is a lot. Never go through this much clone. You're saving money on just the.

[Tom Segura]

Let's see.

[Bert Kreischer]

Head to target or target.com to find Cremo's new line of antiperspirants and deodorants in the Italia. Bergman. That's what I like. And Palo Santo scent. This is Palo Santo. Once again, that's target or target.com when you think about businesses that are selling through the roof, like Alo or Albert or skims. Sure, you think about a great product and a cool brand and a brilliant marketing. But an often overlooked secret is actually the businesses behind the business making selling and for shoppers buying simple. For millions of businesses, that business is Shopify. Nobody sells like Shopify. No one sells better than Shopify. Home of the number one checkout on the planet. And the not so secret secret with shop pay that boosts conversions up to 50%, meaning way less carts going abandoned and way more sales going up. So if you're into Growing your business. Your commerce platform better be ready to sell wherever your customers are scrolling or strolling on the web, in your store, in their feed, and wherever and anywhere in between. Businesses that sell more sell on Shopify. We sell on Shopify and we are killing it. Thank you to everyone. First and foremost, thank you to every single one of you that buys through over here, Birdie boy. But more importantly, thank you to Shopify. It makes all that buying so much easier. Upgrade your business and get the same checkout we use. Sign up for $1 per month trial period at shopify.com bears all over case. Go to shopify.com/bears to upgrade your selling today. Shopify.com bears getting engaged.

[Tom Segura]

It's one of the biggest decisions you'll ever make. That is until you go engagement ring shopping. Shape, size, style, setting, cut, color, clarity, carrot. Who knew you would have to make so many choices that your decision to get engaged in the first place would seem like a cakewalk? Well, there's one more decision you can make right now to make your life a whole lot easier. That's going to Bluenile.com to start your engagement ring journey. At Bluenile.com you'll create a bigger, more brilliant engagement ring than you can imagine and at a price you'll never find at a traditional jeweler. Since 1999, Blue Nile has been the original online jeweler. They've always been committed to ensuring that the highest ethical standards are observed when sourcing diamonds and jewelry. Right now, get $50 off your purchase of $500 or more with the code bearsluenile.com. that's $50 off with the code bears B E A R s@blue nile.com blue.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Nile.Com But I do Rye every now and then because it's just such a disaster.

[Tom Segura]

It's the primo post though, right? That's the top shelf stuff.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I. Look, I'm not doing well on these apps.

[Tom Segura]

Really?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah, I just pay. I'm there to pay for dinners.

[Tom Segura]

So we got to get you off the apps and into. Well, you're alone, so we gotta. Yeah, I gotta get you into social circles.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I've. I've actually. It's funny you says because I, I did tell myself that. And so I've signed up for a bunch of like, too many classes. Like, I have a pickleball league and then I'm really. Yeah, I'm gonna do jiu jitsu, which I shouldn't do. Jiu jitsu. That's like a neck.

[Tom Segura]

No, do it. Do it.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I'm like 30 neck. And that's like whole thing is like.

[Tom Segura]

Neck holes is just strangling people.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

It kind of. And then I got. Yeah. I went to a get into one.

[Tom Segura]

With has chicks in it.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

No, I did a super beginner.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Although that's probably a creepy thing. But then like softball, I like, you know, it's gonna have girls.

[Tom Segura]

That's a fun one.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I like that. Like softball. But yeah. So I'm pushing myself out there. I'm doing the things.

[Tom Segura]

Why don't you go to massage school or something?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Ooh, that seems like a. And then just what, we rub women. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And then just be like, oh, I'm interested in like anatomy. Like you just have a good cover story.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

All right, you know, I'll try that.

[Tom Segura]

They be like, oops, did I come? Yeah, just be fun.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I don't, I. I don't go to massage parlors because, you know, they. I. I don't want nothing. It's hand jobs. Right. Like, I don't want that humiliation in. In my life.

[Tom Segura]

Which humiliation?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Just like when they're like, you want. You want a happy ending or whatever.

[Tom Segura]

You can just go get a regular massage.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

No, I know, but sometimes you don't know. Like I. Oh. If I. And I rarely go, but when I go to get a massage, I just try to look like I don't want a hand job.

[Tom Segura]

What does that look like?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I'll tell you.

[Tom Segura]

Tell me.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Don't wear a baseball hat because that cover identity just like. Yeah. And then be like jolly.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Hey, yeah, I'm Kyle. Yeah, like that.

[Tom Segura]

And then they're like, this guy's a little too.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

He doesn't want to. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You police.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Huh?

[Tom Segura]

Police.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah. Yes. Oh, that's a good. Another way to do it.

[Tom Segura]

Hello, I'm Officer Kyle. I'm here for my appointment.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

My regular massage. Yeah. So I'm getting social, doing stuff, making effort. But yeah, dating. Just when you go, here's a date. It's just, it's a lot of pressure too.

[Tom Segura]

When's the last time you had like a long term relationship?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

So long ago.

[Tom Segura]

For real?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah, like seven years.

[Tom Segura]

That's how long it's been.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

This is my girlfriend was like seven years ago. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

We got to get you a girlfriend.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I've dated some. I did this girl. She was so weird. Tell me. She was so weird.

[Tom Segura]

What was weird about.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

And she's a writer. And she's a like a pretty successful writer.

[Tom Segura]

Rogue.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I don't know what that is.

[Tom Segura]

Nicotine?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

No, thank you. I'm not sure how I'll behave on that. That. Okay, so she would. This doesn't go out to, like, no one.

[Tom Segura]

No one sees this.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Okay, so she go in. In bed. You know what I mean?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Like, this is. First of all, she was like, contrarian. Okay. So everything you say, like, you go, oh, it's raining out. She'll go, no, it's not. It's drizzling. Be like, oh, okay, yeah, sure, I know. Like, but I'm.

[Tom Segura]

Maybe it'll progress into rain right at it.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Right. But my bar is very low and I'm like, I can handle like all these things. Yeah. But then, like, in the bedroom, like, she would talk about herself and she would. She was verbal, you know, she was a writer and everything was like, verbal. And she's like, I'm in a bar and like, guys are watch. She wanted me to tell her, like, guys are watching and stuff like that. And then she would tell me about like a blowjob. She would tell me about it. She's like, I'm on my knees. I'm in front of you. I put you in my mouth. Like, she's not doing it, but she's right. I'm like, it's right there. Isn't that crazy?

[Tom Segura]

Wait a minute. This was like her. This is like a kink. Like a turn on for her to lay. Are you laying next to each other in bed?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

We're fully naked, making out.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. And then she's just whispering to you like, I'm on my knees and I'm. And your penis is in my mouth. And you're like, great, let's see it. Let's make it happen. Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I'm like, it's.

[Tom Segura]

Love the buildup. Let's. Let's act on that.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

It's almost like, I'm not blowing you.

[Tom Segura]

And then wait, after that it would just be like, good night.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

It happened once and like, we dated her for like, we were never like, boyfriend up, like over three months. We went on like maybe 10 dates.

[Tom Segura]

Did you ever ask her be like, hey, what the is up with this narration?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

You know what? No, I didn't.

[Tom Segura]

It's insane.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

It's insane.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, it's. It's. Here's the thing. I respect it as like part like, part of like, your sex. Like, if she was like, one of the things she's into is, like, doing these descriptions and it like. But where that's fun would be if you were like, here and she was there and she told you over the phone, right? Like, can't wait till I get back. And you get back. And she acts out the things she described to you.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

That's a normal person.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

And then she just never listened to me. Women don't listen to me.

[Tom Segura]

I gotta figure out, do you know what I like? And she's like, anyway, I don't care.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah. Even, like, basic stuff. Like, I can't read. I never, like, learned how to read.

[Tom Segura]

Wait, is this for real?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

No, I can read, but, like, I'm very slow reader. Whatever. I never got tested, but, like, I took a Spanish class and teacher, like, all your D's and B's are backwards.

[Tom Segura]

You're dyslexic. Yeah, yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Something. But I never got tested, but I read like a third grader. And that's one thing she knew about me. And the other thing she knew is, like, I don't eat dairy. So for my birthday, which is nice, she got me gifts. She got me a giant book, the Count of Monte Crisco, and a dairy cupcake, which is sort of like a. And the card said, I like you, but I like your dog better. Or something like that. The whole thing was like a kind.

[Tom Segura]

Of a fuck you.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I don't know. Yeah, right.

[Tom Segura]

That's a really weird thing.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah. She was fun in a weird way.

[Tom Segura]

The funny thing about that is that feels like. Like this feels like a role reversal that you see where I would imagine this story coming from, a woman going like, this is how. How little this guy. It's always guys that don't pay attention.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You know, the guy would be like, here's the dairy. And then the girl goes, I'm fucking. I don't drink dairy.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Right, right. I was the woman.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. And then. But she's oblivious, like, not paying attention. Yeah. Which is usually not how it goes.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah. She couldn't give a shit. She one time gave me, like. She couldn't give a shit about. Like, one time she gave me. I took a picture of her, you know.

[Tom Segura]

Do you remember that? I don't eat dairy. What?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I don't give a shit.

[Tom Segura]

I don't care. Eat it.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah. Stupid.

[Tom Segura]

I don't eat this, though.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I took a picture of her and those pictures. She never took a picture of me or us or anything. And she asked me to send me the picture of her. There's pictures of me and her, and she like, can you send a picture of me where I look cute?

[Tom Segura]

And the one I'm alone in.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yes. Every time I saw her, something weird. Something weird. She does something weird.

[Tom Segura]

That is hilarious. And then did it. Was it a natural fizzle out, or did you.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

It was. I did the fade. Because she actually had a tough upbringing. I mean, she wrote this book that's like, a massive hit, and I always felt, like, really, like 11 million copies.

[Tom Segura]

What?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, okay.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, so she really is good at the telling us, like.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah, she's very smart, but she grew up, like, in a culty kind of thing and had a bad.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, you basically said her name by now.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

No, no, no, no, no. No one's watching this.

[Tom Segura]

I know, but I mean, like, the details are all there, right?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I don't think anybody's gonna figure out.

[Tom Segura]

Who grew up like this and sold 11 million copies.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Okay, go ahead. Yeah, the 11 million was probably about it. I. I don't think she watches. I think she just reads. It's fine.

[Tom Segura]

She just reads. That's fine.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah, we can cut that out.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, we can. If you want to. I wonder if you want to just tell me her name and then we'll cut that out.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Who is it?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Wait, no, really, though?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, we'll cut it out.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I don't believe you.

[Tom Segura]

No, of course we will.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I don't believe that.

[Tom Segura]

Out every week.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

How do we get.

[Tom Segura]

Now confirm. We'll cut it out.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

That voice that. I didn't even know who that was. Oh, the voice that. I don't know, said it.

[Tom Segura]

Come on. We will cut it out. I would not do that to you, dude.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Well, just tell you after. That's cool.

[Tom Segura]

Well, just tell me now.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Let's go after. That's cool. I'm, like, trying to figure out what. I get in trouble or is that like.

[Tom Segura]

No, Maybe.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I think it would be good for her to know because she needs to. It'd probably be helpful for her and.

[Tom Segura]

Well, then. Do you want to say.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Huh?

[Tom Segura]

Do you want to say it?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

No.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, now you have Internet sleuths hunting.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I know. It's almost worse. I know. Can we cut the whole. We can cut. We can cut a lot of it out. We'll cut the whole. We'll just go from you said it's two bears with Kyle to me drinking coffee. It should be. It should be one bear and a.

[Tom Segura]

Well, how about this? Don't give out her name. What's the name of the book? She.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Okay. Okay. That makes sense.

[Tom Segura]

And then that everyone would have to figure that out.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

There were so many things that she did that. Sorry, there's so. There's. Every time I saw her, she did something funny. Yeah, she was funny to me. We Went bowling, three couples, you know, and she was like, guys versus girls first, you know, and I'm, I'm bad at bowling. But we were all bad. Yeah, I think the high score was like a 72. I got like a 59. Whatever. I'm not good.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Kind of proud of that, not being good at bowling. So. So then we go, okay, now let's do couples.

[Tom Segura]

Can I get a water, please? Thank you. Go ahead. Do you want one or you're good?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I have so many drinks. So after the first round of bowling, we go, okay then, now let's do couples versus couples. You know, we're on a first date, all meeting each other, and she goes, no, he's not very good. And it wasn't a joke. Like she wouldn't.

[Tom Segura]

I want to compete.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah. In bowling, where we're all bad and.

[Tom Segura]

Which is supposed to be just a fun who cares kind of thing.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Who cares?

[Tom Segura]

Thanks, buddy.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Not like we're playing for money, but anyway, that made me laugh.

[Tom Segura]

How so what, how did the second round go? Did she switched it up?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Oh, I, I strike. Spare strike. I can just destroy. Cuz then I was like, oh, yeah, you want to see? I'll show you bowling.

[Bert Kreischer]

This show is sponsored by Better Help. Let's talk numbers. Traditional in person therapy can cost anywhere from 100 to $250 per session, which can add up pretty fast. But with BetterHelp online therapy, you can save on average up to 50% per session. With BetterHelp, you pay a flat fee for weekly sessions, saving you big on cost and on time. Therapy should feel accessible, not like a luxury. With online therapy, you get quality care at a price that makes sense and can help you with anything from anxiety to everyday stress. Your mental health is worth it, and now it's within reach. Trust me. I am the guy who asked the first time I got in therapy, how much does this cost? I remember fighting with my therapist, thinking I was overpaying and, and that if as long as she had a home mortgage, I was going to have problems. I remember going, do you have a boat? I mean, it, it does matter. It's. I'm so silly, but it does matter. And, and, and now with online therapy, it's so much better. And if you're thinking about therapy, you got to give Better Help a try. With over 30,000 therapists, better help is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served people globally. And it's convenient too. You can join in a session with the click of a button and helping you fit therapy into your busy life. Plus you can switch therapists at any time. Your well being is worth it, trust me. Visit betterhelp.com bears to get 10% off your first month. That's better. Help hp.com bears have better sex with.

[Tom Segura]

Bluechew, the original brand offering chewable tablets that help men achieve stronger, harder and longer lasting erections. These erection enhancing tablets are designed to boost your performance whether you're planning ahead or you. These erection enhancing tablets are designed to boost your performance whether you're planning ahead or need to be ready at a moment's notice. Bluechew is putting its money where its mouth is by offering you a month for free. The process is simple. Sign [e-mail], consult with one of their licensed medical providers, and once you're approved, your prescription will arrive within days. Made in the usa, Bluetooth tablets are shipped directly to your door. You can take them anytime, day or night. Best of all, everything is done online. No doctor visits, no awkward conversations, and no waiting in pharmacy lines. You just take that pill and you are hard as a rock and ready to roll. I love it. I take it in the mornings and I just see where the day takes me. Make life easier by getting harder and discover your [e-mail] we've got a special deal for our listeners. Try your first month for free. Try your first month of BlueChew free. Visit BlueChew.com for more details and important safety information. And we thank BlueChew for sponsoring the podcast and keeping us hard. That's awesome.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

When I get in the bowling zone, I can't be stopped.

[Tom Segura]

It's like, it can be very fun.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Did you guys meet on Raya?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

High achievers.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah. Yeah. I. But I want to meet. I'm going to meet my next person, like in person. I just don't go up to people.

[Tom Segura]

That's right. I think that's better.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Dude, I feel so creepy and weird about going up to a strange woman.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I've never gone up to somebody in my life and gone, hey, I think you're pretty attractive sitting over here in your chair and your thing that you're drinking.

[Tom Segura]

I know.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Would you like to talk to me?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Have you ever done that?

[Tom Segura]

I think I have. Yeah. I also, but I. I wasn't good at it, dude. I remember one time I was out and I saw this beautiful woman across the bar. Yeah. And I looked at her and then we made eye contact. And then I'm with people and then we look each other again and Everyone with me is like, oh, she was looking at you. And I was just like, yeah, I don't know what to do. And so I looked again and looked at her and I was just like, you know, like, really, like, looking at her, right? Yeah, she's clocking it. And I still was like, like, what we're saying? I'm like, I don't say. So then she came over. She goes, hey, I noticed you're looking at me like, do you want to say what's up? And I was like, oh, yeah, what's up?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Like, it was, wow.

[Tom Segura]

Like, she totally.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Did you end up dating her for a little while?

[Tom Segura]

No. Nope.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Did you blow it or is she just weird?

[Tom Segura]

I think I blew it. I think she was probably normal and I was just too.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I had a woman, a friend of mine tell me, yeah, look, just look at him. Don't look creepy, but like, look. And if she looks back then, like, you talk to her those five years ago. It's never happened.

[Tom Segura]

I fucking. I'm trying to remember, like, the only things that have ever worked for me because it's been so long has honestly just been not trying to do something, just normal conversation, like, you know what I mean? Like, yeah, hi. Like, just literally introducing yourself was like, it's sound, but like, it was the thing that led to the best results was just not trying. I had a friend who was like one of these guys you see on these, like, let me show you how to pick up chicks thing. And you'd be like, oh, my God. And it would work for him, but I think that's his personality. Like, I was with this guy one time at a bar, and he sees this girl and I'm like, oh, my God. I. I stand next to him, he's like, hey, baby. And she's like, hey. She's like, how are you? He goes, a lot better now that I'm talking.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

No.

[Tom Segura]

And I was like, no. And they left together. They just left. I was like, this is insane. Yeah. I could never put a sentence together like that.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

You know, it would feel really cheesy.

[Tom Segura]

It's super cheesy. But, you know, it worked for some dudes.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I don't think. I don't think I have the chin to pull that off.

[Tom Segura]

But you can do. You can do. Hi. This place is weird. Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

But I come over like, hi, I'm Kyle. You know?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

If I come over myself, it's not good. I don't come off manly, like, you know what I mean? Like, that guy in the bar, what's your favorite.

[Tom Segura]

Do you have a type of girl you like besides hot?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Hot? I like a girl who's, you know, has a sense of humor. Definitely need that. Like I said. But if it's too tall, I kind of don't sexualize. But I'm not like.

[Tom Segura]

What's your max height?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Six. I think I can go six. One. No, that's probably too, Maybe six feet.

[Tom Segura]

Six feet. How tall are you?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I was five'nine I don't think I am anymore. I'm shrinking.

[Tom Segura]

Shrinking.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I'm like five'eight Five. Eight and a half maybe.

[Tom Segura]

Dude, there's plenty of women that fit this category for you.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

No, but they, they have to like, like you back.

[Bert Kreischer]

What are you talking.

[Tom Segura]

You're a good looking guy, you're an entertainer, you're funny, you're charismatic. What's, what's the problem?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I appreciate that. Well, I don't know. I think they have a good time. We go on dates. Like, there's like conversation, laughter. I just might not be their type. Looks wise. I mean, I think I, I don't think that's true. I think I peaked at like a six. And it's just, it's look, height is very important now. It's become way more important for women. And I think I have a theory that's because it's the only thing we have left that they can't do that. They, you know, I mean, like we used to kill the buffalo and stuff.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Now we're just like, can reach that dish in the cupboard and.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, but you don't focus on height. You're focusing on height too much.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

No, listen, when I go out, I'm telling you, like, when I, Well, I, I, I, I do appear, I think, to have like a decent amount of confidence. Like, and I, I do. Someone else taught me this. It's actually good advice for guys out there dating.

[Tom Segura]

Tell me.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

It's like you touch the person like, like on the arm. Arm touch. Put your leg. If your legs there and touching her leg. This is what Nikki Glaser actually technique taught me.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

And they leave their leg there. That means that's a signal. It's a signal.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Because sometimes you like go in for a kiss at the end, but you want little signals. Watch their body when you touch, but they recoil then, like, don't.

[Tom Segura]

Of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

They don't teach you that?

[Tom Segura]

No. In school also. Another thing is so many women I discovered this were like, they just want the guy to make decisions. Like, a lot of women hate when a Guy goes, want to go out Friday? And they're like, sure. And you're like, cool, like, where do you want to go? Or like, what should we do? Women are attracted a lot of times to, like, decisive men. Men who go, like, there's this new show. I want to go check it out. There's this restaurant. I want to try it. Or I love this place. Like, we're going to. We're doing this and this. For a lot of women, that's a turn. Oh, like you. You're making decisions and I just get to go along with what you picked, you know?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

So being decisive is a big.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I do that. And yeah, I do that in the beginning. Although it does feel uncomfortable.

[Tom Segura]

It does feel. It does right.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

For me to be like, yeah, there's this really great art exhibit I want to check out.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, well, yeah, yeah. Well, I see it was. It was. I only remember it because it's completely unnatural to me, too. I was more like, yeah, fine, whatever you want to do.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And they're like, no, no, decide something. Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

That's again, like pretending to be someone else when you're not. Then eventually you got to be like, I don't know, really to go do that thing. But I'm taking a break right now, Tom. I'm not. I'm on. On a break from dating apps and stuff right now.

[Tom Segura]

That's good. You're going to go to Jiu Jitsu and strangle some chick and then she's going to be like, hey, what's your name?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

It's going to be all dudes. That's not really like the place to. But I think Jiu Jitsu is like a good thing to do for sleep. I'm having trouble sleeping.

[Tom Segura]

Just tire you out?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah, I got to get tired. And also, I think the confidence of knowing how to fight, that gives you, like, self esteem.

[Tom Segura]

Shoulders are back.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You up?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I can fight. Because I will tell you, I was with a woman one time. We were going down the street and this guy was coming at, like, got her in his sights like a crazy person. Do you know what I mean?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

And like, he's coming at her and I had to in my head calculate is, I don't really know this person. Is this worth, like, getting in a huge fight? Do you know what I mean?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

And it, like happened like that and he like went like up like this around her. And then I felt so bad that this is years ago.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I really didn't, like, I was like, I should have jumped in front of her and been like a man.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

But then recent, like a month ago, same situation. And like a guy walks. I started coming at this girl I was walking down the street with, and I, like, got in front of her and, like, took her away from the situation and like, she thought that was really hot, of course. But then I haven't seen her since.

[Tom Segura]

What happened that night to describe?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

We did make out. You did?

[Tom Segura]

She did. Did she describe a blow job to you?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah, actually, that. She described a rim job and a blow job.

[Tom Segura]

You did make out with her, though.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

She was all turned on by you being the man.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah. It felt very unnatural. I don't know. I feel like we help people out there. Like a guy who's dating. There's some good advice in there.

[Tom Segura]

There's definitely some good advice in there.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah. Also, I live alone, and that's a. That's. Once you live alone for so long. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You get used to.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I can't imagine your ways.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah. Someone coming into that.

[Tom Segura]

What's a typical Kyle day? Oh, he'll.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Kyle will get up around like 6:00am and go, shit, I only slept three hours. And Kyle will lay in bed for another three hours.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

And be like, God damn it, why don't I just get up? You know what I mean? Sure, I'm exhausted, but let's just do that. And then maybe, like, I'll get, like, a little bit of work done. I'll go. Go to a coffee shop and I work there a little bit, editing usually, and then talk to a friend and then call it a day. And they.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Are you doing spots a lot?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah, I do spots, like, maybe three days a week in New York. I'm in New York City.

[Tom Segura]

You are in New York. I didn't realize that I moved.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I got out of LA during 2023, a couple years ago.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, okay.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah, two years ago. But my house was like, sliding down a hill and I was like, I gotta get.

[Tom Segura]

Are you loving New York?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I do like it. The weather. I really. Yeah, I did. I forgot I used to live there years ago.

[Tom Segura]

What part of the.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

What part of the Park Slope?

[Tom Segura]

Brooklyn.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah, Brooklyn.

[Tom Segura]

It's cool.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

But. Yeah, my house in la, there was this railing, you know, it's on a hill, and there was this steep embankment and there was a railing and it came out of the cement.

[Tom Segura]

Time to go.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah. So then every year I was there for like seven years, it would move like an inch, you know. Then there was like two months of rain. It moved eight inches down this. This thing And I. You can't get insurance. They won't insure your house. Yeah, it's not a hill there. Also, no fire insurance.

[Tom Segura]

You're speaking of editing your ig because the characters are insane. Dude.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Thank you.

[Tom Segura]

Now, one thing I wondered. Can we pull up his ig? Look at that.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Look at that handsome guy.

[Tom Segura]

Look at that handsome guy.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

There's me and my mother saying, oh, that's right.

[Tom Segura]

Because you would. That's my mother. Wouldn't you? Because I. With my mom constantly. But your mom.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Oh, my God, your mom videos are so funny. Yeah. She's singing in my mom's fun. She's also in my Craig videos. I do that. Like, what's going on, you guys?

[Tom Segura]

We got. We did. Oh, yeah. Isn't this with your mom where she's like, aren't you doing things where she's like, just fucking stop with my mom. We showed her a screening of my new series.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Huh?

[Tom Segura]

Dude. She was like, you can't put this out. It was so great. And she didn't know there was hidden cameras in the screening room.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Oh, that's so funny.

[Tom Segura]

Like, Tommy, she goes, you have to tell them no. And I go, what do you mean? It's coming on Netflix. She's like, no, no. She's like, give them the money back. Tell them. Tell them no.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Well, what was it?

[Tom Segura]

She was just like. She goes, you cannot go any lower than you just did. Like, it's so disgusting. She's like, this is not who you are.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

That's a great promo for your show.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. They're gonna use.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Promote it. So. But she went on and on. She was like, you are absolutely. She goes, does it just make you happy to be disgusting? And I'm like, yeah, sometimes.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

She's proud. You, though, right? Gotta be.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, she's proud. But she's also disgusted. Disgusted.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

She's always like. She'll see some guy tell, like, a nice joke.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Why can't you do that?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, so some of the characters. Let's scroll here. I want to see Bill Maher. You're doing amazing. Now, did I hear. Does he not like it?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah, I don't know why. He had. He had a problem with me early. This is like, I had not many followers, and I had just really innocuous, like, him reading to children. It was like, oh, should you eat eggs that are green? Like, it was a dumb, like, hacky kind of whatever. And then I found out AJ Benzo was like, he doesn't like your impression. I showed him, and he Got mad and I was like, really?

[Tom Segura]

Really?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

And then he went on Rogan. And out of nowhere he goes, you're playing some guy. He was doing a terrible impression of me. They get just ragged on me.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah. You know, and it's so spot on.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Thank you. Thank you. Hear that, Bill? So then he goes, I don't know who he was. I went to Hawaii with him in his private jet. Like he was just trying to on me. I'm like. And so after that, then I started making some Bill Maher. I had him get gang banged in my next video. But I did before that. I wasn't being mean. He started it. Oh, and then I was in Whole Foods.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

And this lady comes up and goes, I just have to tell you, I was a stewardess on Bill Maher's plane. And I said, do you. Have you ever seen Kyle Dunnigan's impression of you? And he turned away from me and he wouldn't look at me. And they told me to go to the back of the plane and they, they wouldn't. I didn't get a tip.

[Tom Segura]

What?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Like he hates this impression.

[Tom Segura]

A tip?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

You tip.

[Tom Segura]

You're supposed to tip them at a.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

PR in a private plane.

[Tom Segura]

I guess tip the flight attendant.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

She said she didn't get a tip. So I guess they normally get tips. Okay, you've never tipped. I didn't know you had to do that.

[Tom Segura]

I've flown private. Let's hit this. Let's see this.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Okay, calm down. Calm down, people. I know it's exciting. Exciting to see a big star on your little circus here. No, I'm kidding. I'm a big fan of the show. What was your name again? I'm Tony. Okay, that's our show next week with my guests are Benjamin Netanyahu and the Hotua girl. Dude, it's terrible the way you didn't do the land acknowledgement. Don't you tiktokers like to do a land acknowledgment before the show? Wait, what does that mean? Well, he brought up the Indian people. You don't know about land acknowledgments?

[Tom Segura]

No.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Come on. Yeah, you do.

[Bert Kreischer]

Every time you do a show, you're supposed to thank Indians for letting us do it.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah. You say this club is. Was situated on the unceded territory of the Chickapaca people or whatever. It's hilarious.

[Tom Segura]

I can't also most people. What's interesting to me is if you have a distinct enough like personality level of familiarity, celebrity with people and people are doing impressions of You. That's usually seen as, like, a flattering thing.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I. I know. Even if you hate it, you have to just say, yeah, I saw. It's great.

[Tom Segura]

Just.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

You don't look like you're. It bothers you.

[Tom Segura]

Wow. It's funny that it bothers him, though.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I know.

[Tom Segura]

You scroll down here. Oh, there's RFK in the middle there.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I can't stay too long. I have a German shepherd slow roasting on my grill that I have to tend to. Who's the one with the ms?

[Tom Segura]

Is that my mama?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

All right, I want you to do something, because I can cure this. All right, Listen. No, I'm. I'm being. I want you to give her this. This is dehydrated bat. Come. That's all you need to do. I actually, like, did. His voice was too low there. He's actually a little bit higher. Yeah. Like, I had him a little bit too low.

[Tom Segura]

You know what's funny is that I really. I guess RFK Jr only came into sort of my, you know, ecosystem.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

In the last couple years. And I know that he has a condition, which is why his voice is like that, but I didn't realize. I saw a video of him 20 years ago, and he's speaking in a. I didn't realize it was something.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Era just kind of came.

[Tom Segura]

It just came about. I guess I thought it was like a lifelong.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah, I did, too, I guess. Yeah. I didn't know he spoke. Yeah, he. When he. He's such a funny. I was so glad when he got accepted into being whatever. The health guy.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. He's the FDA now. Or is he? No, he's head of the. Is the Secretary of Health and Human Service. What is he His.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah, it's called, like, spasmodic dysphonia.

[Tom Segura]

Oh. Yeah. At age 42.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Weird. You know what's funny? Because that show killed.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Health and Human Services secretary.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Two hours long. So I'm talking like this for two hours?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

And I couldn't stop. And I was like. I had a thought, like, am I never gonna. Went to bed? And I had my voice back, but I. I was stuck.

[Tom Segura]

It stayed there.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah. You don't want to do that too long.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. It doesn't seem like it's probably good for the voice.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

No, it's not very.

[Tom Segura]

It'd be crazy if. Doing your impression, you induced spasmodic dysphy.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah, I mean, I did for a couple hours after. I couldn't stop talking like that.

[Tom Segura]

Now you do a lot of times on ig. You do the face replacement stuff.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

How do people. How would. Like, what is the. How does that work?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Oh, there's. I just do a. It's like a Snap camera. They actually canceled it and someone. A friend of mine made a server.

[Tom Segura]

So it was so that you could keep doing it.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah, but I can't make new ones. I have to figure out if I'm gonna do.

[Tom Segura]

Because you were doing card. I remember you did Kardashian.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

That's why I started like, Caitlyn Jenner. Yeah, baby. That was like my first. Like, yeah, baby.

[Tom Segura]

Wait, so there's. Oh, wait, there's Bill Maher Christmas.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Twas the minute before my hooker gets here, and all through the house, my penis was stirring because I just took a dick pill. Yeah. I got mean. So while we wait for my whore and my boner, I would like to take this minute to explain to Zillennials what being an adult is.

[Tom Segura]

This is so his voice.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

It's when you take money you worked hard for at a job ticket to a black hooker. He likes black hookers inside a house that isn't owned by your parents. I'm sorry, I forgot. Twerking isn't for giving a man a boner. It's for teaching women how to do.

[Tom Segura]

It's exactly him. I mean, It's. You sound 100% like, okay, kids.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah, his voice is the closest to my natural voice.

[Tom Segura]

And you do all the. His. He has these, like.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

He has like a. He makes a really loud. Okay.

[Tom Segura]

And the way he punched the inflection goes. The way he goes up and down with it.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Okay, people.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

I'm still. I'm so amazed that it bothers him.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I. I was shocked because again, it wasn't even mean. The first ones weren't like. They got. They got a little meaner. I started bringing up black hookers and gang. I did. Okay, people.

[Tom Segura]

Well, here's.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Tune in next week. It is. I, Elon, In 2018, I sold all of my house, which is pretty epic of me. Now I'm couch surfing with my super cool friends, and I'm taking you along with me. This is house hopping with Elon Musk. My first stop is my good friend Robert Kennedy Jr. His. His dad was killed and. And he eats dogs. He's like, really cool.

[Tom Segura]

Dude.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Hey, Bobby.

[Tom Segura]

Bob.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Bob, what's good? What are you doing here? Hey, I was just wondering if I could crash your place tonight. Now's not a good time. I will give you $100 million. This is what I do with my time. Come on in place, Robert. Really cool. Nice knickknack. Looks like a pinnace.

[Tom Segura]

I love the Elon quality of He's. It's so peculiar to me. He's always been. It's so fascinating that somebody who is. You can argue he's objectively the most successful person on Earth.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And you go. I guess they're bored of that because now it's just like I want to be liked and also be told that I'm funny.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I want to be the. I don't want to just be like, what I have isn't enough. I want people to tell me I'm a genius, tell me I'm cool.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And know that I'm funny and cool. It's such a. An interesting personality.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

It's very human. I mean it's like how like a lot of means want to be rock stars and rock stars want to be comedians.

[Tom Segura]

Everyone wants to be what they're not.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah. Because you don't like value it probably comes. Yeah. It's really. And he has like an 8 year old sense of humor, which is funny.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Like his car is fart. Like he's. That's what an 8 year old would do.

[Tom Segura]

That's pretty cool.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah. Makes a thought sound. My car's flying around Uranus.

[Tom Segura]

It's. But it is a really interesting personality.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And he also. I always am fascinated by someone who has time for bullshit. Like the pettiness where you're like, you know.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Like if you send a. Whatever enough tweets about Jeff Bezos or something, like he's never gonna respond to you. You know, Carlos Slim's never gonna be like, oh, you're making fun of me. But it gets on Elon's radar where he know and like he'll strike back at someone. I'm like, how are you not too busy?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

That's what I understand is he tweets so much. If that was my only job was to tweet, I would be exhausted. And then he's got 6 more multi billion dollar companies. Every phone call has got to be an emergency. Yeah. When you have that many companies and you're also doing Doge, which he's constantly tweeting about that. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

The time management thing is wild of what he's got going on.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

And I almost don't believe that.

[Tom Segura]

And the other weird thing is the amount of fanboys.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

The amount of people who are like, I'm a huge. Like their bio line is like, I'm a. Elon's. I'm like, this is who you're a super fan of?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yep.

[Tom Segura]

Just.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

There's super fans and super haters. There's just like both. He for some reason, like, really, He's.

[Tom Segura]

A very polarizing guy.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah, really polarized.

[Tom Segura]

Like, I've never seen people burning Teslas.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Insane.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I, I have the little Tesla stock and I have not been happy about. I wish you would stop Doge as soon as possible. That has been good.

[Tom Segura]

Tesla stock's been going down. Maybe get some more now.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I, I, I mean, I, I, if I, I need some money to put. I mean, I need money.

[Tom Segura]

Money to get in that leveraged. Yeah, yeah. These are, they're amazing, dude. Wait, do you do Tim Robbins too?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

No. That guy? Why is that on there? I did his birthday. Oh my God. I bombed harder than I've ever bought in my life. At Tony Robbins birthday party, it was. Huh.

[Tom Segura]

He had like comics perform or he.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

For some reason wanted me to perform at his birthday party, which I didn't. I, I was a big Tony Robbins.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah. I read like a couple of books when I was younger and I was like, yeah, I want to do that. He. But, But I knew deep down my subconscious did some calculating. I knew my gut. Like, wait, this is gonna, this is bad. But I was trying to like, hype myself. Like, this is paying, like, more money than I normally get.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I don't want to say exactly how much, but it was like, it's private.

[Tom Segura]

The private events.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

A lot of time it was like $25,000. I don't say.

[Tom Segura]

You don't want to say it, but it was like.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Thousand dollars.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

And his handlers did a zoom call beforehand. Like, this is what Tony wants. You're gonna, you're gonna be on big screen and you're gonna be Joe Biden. He's gonna introduce you. He's gonna say, we get the present here, and then you'll come up. And I was like, it, like, they might think it's actually going to be Joe Biden. I'm a little worried that they're going to be disappointed.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

You know, and they were just like, this is what Tony wants. There was no, like, this is a cult. This is what Tony wants. We're doing. There's no discussion here. And I was like, okay. So I went down there and it was just people just jumping up, and it's like 11 at night. That guy Sumners was on before me, Larry Sumners, who, like, was the reason why he had that 2008 collapse. I don't know why they keep giving that guy money and power. He's a total. Yeah, real. But he was getting laughs and I'm like, oh, this would be good. They're like. So he goes on an hour and a half and he talks like this.

[Tom Segura]

He went for an hour and a.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Half, Hour and a half. Now it's like midnight something. Yeah, this guy, I don't know.

[Tom Segura]

And this is at a birthday party.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah, his birthday part. It was a weekend of his, like, but, you know, VIP people.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

It was like 300 people in this. He has this amazing studio and then there's just all these screens of people zooming in from all over the world.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

And it's late now. And they've been up since 5:00. Like Shark hunting. You know, these retreats that they do, they get them up early and they make them do these insane things to show like, I can do it. Yeah, there. That's. To see that. Yeah. So beforehand, he comes up to me, giant hand is like a giant catcher's mitt. And he's like, give him hell yout know, I was like, oh, thanks, Tony.

[Tom Segura]

That's a cool. That's a cool headline. It says, Tony Robbins filmed using N word.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Wait, can we click that?

[Tom Segura]

Sorry.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Is there a video of this?

[Tom Segura]

That'd be awesome. Oh, in the 80s. I mean, I would love to go to this seminar.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Oh, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Take control of your. Of your emotions. Be who you are. You want to say it, say it.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

He's like this.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God, that's so.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

And it was like, then that we're looking. Oh, he looks young.

[D]

As long as somebody can do that. As long as somebody's calling, you get that kind of response. I see in you right now where you're ready to explode. Then what you've done is given that person absolute control of you. You have no control in your life. You are still a slave. I said you are. You're being enslaved by you and nothing else. And I said, I'd like to have you be free because I'm free and I'm white. So why don't you pretend that we're gonna get you free right now. I suggest. Here's the way to do it. Everyone stand up and let you be blocked. I said stand up. Come on, try something with me. Trust me. Just for a moment, pretend I'm black.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Don't you know.

[D]

I get him to stand up right now. That I'll stand up. I said now. You guys just do what I do. Just for a minute. If you really Want to be free and if you want to have some fun so let's try this. I stood up and I said, okay, follow me. Do what I say, say what I say. Move the way I move I'm an. Then I turn. I said, okay. When I'm done, repeat after me. I'm a honky. You're a honky.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

When you.

[D]

I said, I'm a honky.

[Bert Kreischer]

You're honky.

[D]

We do this whole thing. They're painting J going, this one guy who was like most militants walking over this other white guy in the audience. Hey, honky, how you doing?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Hey.

[D]

How are you Liking each other?

[Tom Segura]

Hugs. Getting some good laughs.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

He's doing great. Yeah. It's his Netflix special.

[Tom Segura]

That was a good bit. Sorry.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah, no, I. I needed to see that.

[Tom Segura]

That was pretty cool.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

We all needed to see that.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

But. Yeah. So then there was, like, all these dancing people jump on stage after Larry Sumner is like, let's get our energy. And there's a big screen in front of me, and I'm, you know, like, starting to get really nervous. Cause I deep down know, you know, like, you know, not the right environment.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Cause they're all. They're all about positivity. And, you know, and I'm doing this sort of, you know, Stan was kind.

[Tom Segura]

Of sarcastic, and you're doing it. You're just gonna come out. Your plan is, I'm Biden.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

They have a big screen in front of me, like 30ft tall. And I'm gonna be project on that. I'm behind it in a desk. And then I'm gonna introduce Kyle Dunnigan to round off the show with some standup comedy. Yeah. And I have a wig, Tom. On the desk here of Caitlyn Jenner, because he wanted me to sing Happy Birthday to him with as Caitlyn Jenner. So he starts going, are you guys ready for the surprise of your life? You know, And I'm like, no, no, no. And then he goes, oh, wait. And then he plays a video of him meeting every president since, you know, Carter. So it's like they're primed and they're already, like, murmuring, no way. And then he goes, have I ever disappointed you? And they're like, no, mind fur. And he goes. He goes zooming in from the White House, and the whole place is like. I mean, they just had Larry Sumner's right there. It's not weird.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

That the president zoomed. So he goes, the president? You have Joe Bide. Everyone's like, ah. And then my head Comes up my bad wig, and I pop up on the screen. And the whole audience goes, like, all together. Yeah, like that. And I was like, hey, it's Tony Baloney's birthday. Dead silence. And I'm in my head, I'm like, this was, like, my strongest stuff.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Getting dead silence. What's the rest gonna be? So then I was like, now Kyle Dunny. And I come out and I'm just trying. I'm. I had a plan. But, like, the first thing that works, like, let me jump to the piano. Like, I have, like, a piano song. That didn't work. I. Jumping all around. I don't know where. I'm in my set. And then I, like, said a joke that I knew I shouldn't have said, like, right when I started, but I had to do the time because it was that money, you know, this was the joke that ended everything. And people started walking, like, out to, like, go to the bathroom and stuff. I. I did. I did a girl who's. She was 19 years younger than me. Don't judge. I was in college. That's when you experiment. And then a woman goes, that's a child.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah. That's the joke.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah. Anyway. And then I'd explain that I didn't really do that. And then afterwards, I was, like, wrapping up my. Trying to get out of there, and I hear him go, did you have a day you'll never forget? And everyone's like, yeah. And he goes, this is a night I'd like to forget. Like, talking about. Have you ever heard Tony Robbins say anything negative?

[Tom Segura]

Did he see. Did he talk to you after the thing?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

No, I never saw him again. But anyway, I've bombed so hard at privates.

[Tom Segura]

At private events. So hard.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Which was the worst one? Do you have, like, a worst one?

[Tom Segura]

And. Whoa. I'll tell you that. Well, I'll tell you, the most recent one was, like, two months ago.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Really?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. I. I was like. I got booked for this thing, and I. I remember I always ask now, I'm like, do they know?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

They see my stuff.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. They know that it's me, and they know that I'm not. Because sometimes I. I go, I. I realize that a private event goes, oh, I know. This person's Kate, Like, a capable comedian. And then when I book them, they'll do stuff that will be right for us. And I'm like, I'm not doing that.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I'm just gonna put on my show. Yeah. And they're like, they know. They know. And they're. That they specifically asked for you. And I'm like, okay.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And so it was a. It was a convention of jewelers, Like a jewelry convention.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Do you have a jewelry trunk, dude?

[Tom Segura]

Right before I went on. It's in a ballroom.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And they did an all rooms are good. Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

That's a great environment.

[Tom Segura]

Great environment.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Nice and bright.

[Tom Segura]

Nice and bright. Like a, I don't know, two foot stage. So it's just like a plat. Like basically a platform. They did an auction and they were auctioning things to support, like a Children in need fund. And so they were like your opener. They're like, how about a. Like a three day trip to Iceland? And no one was bidding. And the lady was like, this is going to help children that are being abused. And like, still no. And she just, like, kept pushing it. And then you would hear things like, you know, like, just. Because that's not a real PA system. It's just.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

For the thing. And I was like, looking and I was like, it's gonna be bad, man. This could be real bad. And when I got introduced, they're like, give it up. I walked this long walk from, like the wings to the center of the room.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

To like, essentially no applause, which I was like, this. That's a bad sign. You know, like, they were just like.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

They didn't know who you are.

[Tom Segura]

And it's always. Whenever I go, like, who'd you have last? They'll name a really clean comic who's really good. And I'm like, well, yeah, but like, he's good for this. For this environment. Or somebody who's like, oh, this person did like George Bush. Like, they did a right. A character. And I'm like, sure, that might have been right for this crowd too. And then I got up there and it was the only thing that got me through the set was turning on them, like, making like. I'd be like, you guys are the worst.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Oh, they started laughing at that.

[Tom Segura]

Well, some. And then some of them got more upset, which made it. But it made it more fun for me.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I was like, I did a joke and it didn't go well. And I was like, first of all, you are the lowest of the low. I go, you are below mortgage lenders. Predatory more. You're jewelers. You're the absolute lowest people on the totem pole. Wow. And then some of them would, like, laugh and some of them would, like, yell something back. I'd be like, shut up. The. Out of here. You're just like taking African children's Blood and tears to sell your.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I really worry I wasn't gonna get my check. You weren't worried?

[Tom Segura]

No, I wasn't worried about that. I was just like. Then I just kept like looking. I was like, yeah, I was just trying to like, muscle my way through it.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Could you see the person who booked you? Like, how they were, their face?

[Tom Segura]

No, I know that when I was done, the person that booked me talked to my tour manager who was with me. It was like, what the man? Like, they were like, that was so goddamn vile and all the things that were said. And he's like, well, yeah, that's what you hired. Yeah, you hired this. Like, yeah, that's what. But I remember one. The one that I remember stood out was I was living in California and I did the Irvine Improv. And it was a regular show. It was a good show. After the show, they're like, hey, come meet these people. They work with Carson Palmer, who was at the time the quarterback for the Bengals. He played at usc. He's a California guy. And Carson's having this like, private event and they want to have like a stand up, host the event and do some time. And they're at the show, but they're seeing like a regular show. And they're like, this was great. Yeah, like, we'd love to have you at the thing. And I'm like, oh, cool. So I go to the event and it's at a, like a restaurant that's. But they shut down, like the. This one big room. So people are mingling, right? Like, let's say 200 plus people are mingling in the room. And then the guy's like, okay, let's start the show. And I was like, cool. Like, are you gonna, like, tell everybody it's time to start the show? And they're like, well, you do that. Like you're the host. I'm like, oh, okay. So I go, well, at least introduce me. So in the back of the room, he's like, like, here's the host for your evening, Thomas. Girl, it is as if nothing changed. So nobody stopped mingling. Do you know what I mean?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

So I got up there and I was like, all right. And I'm just like waiting for everyone to just like turn and face the stage. Nobody stops. So I just go, hey, here we go. Like, here we go. It's showtime. And it's just like if you're at a bar on a Saturday night and, you know, loud in there, right? That level of volume.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

So I look at the guy and Then he looks at me. He's like, well, fucking do it. Like you do it. So I fucking.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah. Then you have to be like, the enforcer, which is really not funny, dude.

[Tom Segura]

It was. It was insane. There was three people looking at the stage, and I just talk to them, and I'm like, this isn't. This is so. And I'm just. It's not even like you're bombing. It's like, no one's.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

It's like, nothing's happening.

[Tom Segura]

Nothing's happening.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

You're in a dream.

[Tom Segura]

I'm in a dream. I'm like. So the funny thing is, I forgot this part. He was like, oh, yeah. So the thing is, the event Saturday, Sunday is the golf outing. Like the.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Oh, they play golf with everybody.

[Tom Segura]

And I was like, am I doing that? And they're like, unless you don't want your track. No. Unless, like, something is like. Unless, like, Carson hates you or something. There's no way you're not going to that. So we go through this thing. I'm introduced, trying to introduce things. No one's listening. At one point, I go, all right, now, Carson, come on stage. Everybody stops, like. Like a record stopped. Turns, faces the stage, listens with every ounce of their attention. They look at him. He says his thing, gets off stage. Everybody turns back. I get off, and I'm like. I don't even know what happened. Right.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Do you feel like. Like, humiliation or do you like. I don't feel.

[Tom Segura]

It was more. That was more.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Seemed like a cool. Like a person doesn't get rattled. Like.

[Tom Segura]

Well, that was more frustration. Humiliation is more like when you're trying, everyone's listening, and you're. Literally, nothing's happening.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I feel like that's more humiliating where you're like, I'm trying to. And they hate me. This was like, how come nobody will even.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Right, right, right. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

But I remember I walked. There's other bunch of NFL players there and there. And I was like, recognized. I was like, hey, what's up there? That was rough, man. That was rough. I was like, thanks. And then I. I go to the, like, organizer guy. I was like, so what time is the golf outing tomorrow? And he's like, we'll let you know.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Oh, man.

[Tom Segura]

I was like. I'm like.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

The guy was like, I don't want him even.

[Tom Segura]

I don't want them there. That guy just ruined our thing.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

They don't think, like. They think it's like a band. Like, you need to do stand up. You have to have people paying attention to Every word. It's not like music in the background, but they go, oh, comedian. That's the thing we'll have there.

[Tom Segura]

And the crazy thing to that for me was like, I was kind of like with the guy. Like, hey, man, like, you have to at least have them look at the stage. I'm not gonna rain them.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah. That's so not funny to be.

[Tom Segura]

No.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Their teacher. And then like now hear jokes.

[Tom Segura]

But it was. It was like, embarrassed. It was embarrassing.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I was like, I. I had that same. Like after that Tony Robbins thing, I was like this lady who like booked me or whatever. Like, what's my handler? Was like. I go, oh, I feel like I ruined his birthday. He goes, no, he had fun this afternoon, like, not even helping me. And then we go, before you got.

[Tom Segura]

Here, it was great.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I go back in a car with this other guy who's like, Tony's right hand man. He's like, tony doesn't get up early. He was like saying, like, tony doesn't get up early. Actually, he got up. I got up early this morning. He's like, like, Tony to me. And he goes, you want to get some food at the hotel? And I'm like, yeah, starving. So I go and we take a laugh. And it's like the audience was at this buffet. I didn't. I thought it was just. So I go, no, I'm good, I'm good, I'm good. Because I'm feeling completely shattered as a human being.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

And he goes, nah, you come here, get a place, go play, go buffet. Good plate. So I'm like sneaking, and I'm like, quick. And then some guy that grabs me. Now, this is what was amazing. Because I didn't understand at first. He goes, dude, epic set, man. Like real Tony Robbins positivity. Yeah. And I was like, thanks. And I realized, oh, he found a way to say something to me that wasn't a lie. And, like, he gave me positive energy. Tony Robbins.

[Tom Segura]

Tony. Yeah. Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

He learned that that weekend, which was cool.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

It wasn't epic. It was epic.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. It's just epic in its own way. Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah. Horrible. Yeah. I know. I wouldn't do corporates if. Yeah, I don't. I don't think I can.

[Tom Segura]

I've got to turn. The last three times I've accepted everyone's like, why did you say yes to this? Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Why do you.

[Tom Segura]

Because in the moment, you get a call and they're like, they're going to pay me to just do that. I know.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

You're like, yeah, I Can do that.

[Tom Segura]

It's like, I should turn it down.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah, yeah. I'm never going to turn down. I'm talking. I never will turn down money ever. I don't care how rich I get. I'm just gonna. What's enough money, Tom? Where you, like, go, like, be honest, like in your bank where you don't have to work ever again. You have a perfect life where you give, you know, money to, you know, your kids, whatever, and just everything. But it's all you're gonna make from here on out.

[Tom Segura]

What is the number that sits in the bank?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

It just sits there crooning for 3 to 4% a year.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know, man.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

But, like, you could. You live, don't. You don't think about money. You're going to go private jets, probably.

[Tom Segura]

Vacations for the next really nice lifestyle. Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

And you have, like, 10 years to live or whatever you have left. No, you have way more than that. I was joking. You have probably a good 40 years left.

[Tom Segura]

40.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Probably 40 years left, right?

[Tom Segura]

4.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

40.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, 40. I don't think I have 40 years left. No, I'm 45.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

How old did your parents. Are they still alive?

[Tom Segura]

My mom's 80. She's alive.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

There you go.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, my dad's dead. He died at 74.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

My dad died at 60.

[Tom Segura]

60?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, that's young.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah. Long time. A brain tumor. It's a funny thing to bring up.

[Tom Segura]

Hilarious.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

It's kind of good. It's not bad.

[Tom Segura]

You're. You look healthy. Are you healthy?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I think I don't sleep enough. Like, I did that aura ring where it tells you how you sleep, and it was like, go see something.

[Tom Segura]

Wait, what's your number? What's your money number?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I. I think it's $35 million, which I think. Which sounds ridiculous.

[Tom Segura]

I was gonna say 175.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

175 million.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I don't. Even now I'm feeling like 35 is way low.

[Tom Segura]

Well, I mean, it just depends on your formula.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I have kids. I do. Yeah, you got kids?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Each of those has got to be at least.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

And. And you want to do that yacht vacation, you know when like.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. You don't want to do the White.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Lotus with a yacht.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

And that's like. How much is that? That's like a hundred thousand dollars a week or something.

[Tom Segura]

Probably more.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Really?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Ah.

[Tom Segura]

I think I'll work until forever.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

But I also like working. Here's the thing. I'm not chasing that. Right.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

We're not doing office work. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I'm. I just like. I like doing this stuff. I like doing stand up. I like making a show. I like. It's not. I don't go, like, I need to do this because I have to pay this or I need to accrue. I like working.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Right. What would you do? Yeah, I wouldn't.

[Tom Segura]

I'd be completely out of my. If you. If you gave me all that money right now, I would still be like, well, what am I going to do tomorrow? Yeah, right.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I went on a vacation for three days, and I had to come back home. I was supposed to be there longer.

[Tom Segura]

Really?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I went by myself because people, they'll go. Like, I traveled Europe and I. But for a month, and I was like, oh, I want to be that guy, you know?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Where'd you go?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I went to Puerto Vallarta in Mexico.

[Tom Segura]

You stayed for three days?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I was supposed to be a week, and I left. Well, I get there. This is where I knew I was a problem. And I check in. I go, hi, Kyle. And they're like, just. Just you. Like that? And I go, yeah. And she goes, nobody else, just you? And I go, yeah, just me. Nobody else. So I get there and it's just all family. No one goes alone to this resort. And I was just this weird, alone guy. Guy Walker. Like, I got in the giant.

[Tom Segura]

That just seems like it's the wrong place you went to, though, I guess, maybe. No, because vacationing alone makes a lot of sense. But if you go to, like, a place that is mostly families or, like, that's a. Yeah, that's a different thing.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I got in that big Jacuzzi. You know the Jacuzzi, where they go the whole. Everyone, you know.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Big. And like three people just, like, got out right away. And I was like, bubbles. And people would turn the corner because you couldn't see the Jacuzzi. She came around the corner, like, planning to go to the Jacuzzi, and they would just saw you and just people just kept coming and turning.

[Tom Segura]

Like that guy that's jacking off everywhere, isn't that.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah. And we all ate together, so I was always just alone, eating. It was hard. A horrible time. Point being. Yeah, I probably won't stop working either.

[Tom Segura]

No, don't stop.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

What are we gonna do?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I'm never going on vacation again.

[Tom Segura]

No, you need to. Let's. Let's plan it together.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

No, but I would have to. I'd have to, like, go with, like, friends or, like a girlfriend or something. I can't go alone ever again.

[Tom Segura]

Come with my family.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I would love that.

[Tom Segura]

Really?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I think you guys would like me there.

[Tom Segura]

I think we would, too.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I really like Christina, too. You know, we shared a flight together. Did you tell you about that flight we shared?

[Tom Segura]

When was it?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Probably like a year ago. She's so, you know, you can. We're just. She's just really great. She was playing. We were playing a game. Like, our stewardess was Linda, who was, like, just kind of gross. But then there's other fat, disgusting. We're playing a game where it was like, would you rather put, like, you have to put your face in this fat, gross guy's asshole?

[Tom Segura]

Oh, this was. Are you playing this game with Christina? Yeah, she loves this game.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah, and that's. That's like. And like. Yeah, put your face and the guy's ass off, like, a full three minutes or marry Linda and live with her for six months. Like, just scenarios.

[Tom Segura]

She loves this game.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

We did that for, like, yeah, three hours.

[Tom Segura]

You probably did the guy's ass, right? Yeah. Yeah. Three minutes is bad, but it's. It's not as bad as six months, I think.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I think Christina married Linda.

[Tom Segura]

She did.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I think she did.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, I'd eat that guy's ass.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I didn't say you had to eat it.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, just sit there with it.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Just get in there and, like, breathe it and, like, take it. Just big difference between eating it.

[Tom Segura]

Big, deep yoga breaths. Yeah.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Anyway, I'd love to come to on.

[Tom Segura]

Vacation, so next time I'll make you this deal. Next time I go on a family vacation, I am going to mess message you and be like, this is what we're doing. Are you coming?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I promise I'll say no, but you should do that.

[Tom Segura]

You really won't come?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

That would be. Wouldn't that be. That would be so weird.

[Tom Segura]

Be so fun.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I would maybe feel even more alone to be with a family.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

What are we doing?

[Tom Segura]

I don't know.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

All right, invite me. We'll see.

[Tom Segura]

What? I said we went to London.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I do want to go to London.

[Tom Segura]

We went to London. We would have been like, all right, we're gonna go to the park now. Do you want to come?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I. I know. I. I know a girl in London.

[Tom Segura]

There you go. You know, we're not like, kyle, we're having dinner. Do you want to have dinner with us?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah, I'll be right down.

[Tom Segura]

And then my kids would be like, who's this guy? Yeah, Kyle, man.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Yeah, he's your new brother.

[Tom Segura]

He's your uncle.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Oh, and brother.

[Tom Segura]

Uncle yeah. And they'd be like, you have a brother. I was like, yeah. I didn't tell you guys, but I do.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I really. I know we're a joke, but I would like to be adopted by your family.

[Tom Segura]

We can do it. You gotta do some paperwork. We can do it.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

I'll sign. Literally. Whatever. I won't even read it.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, cool, cool, cool. Where can people see you? You're on tour. On tour@kyle dunnigan.com. the Instagram is a fun, fun place to live with Kyle. It's iledunigan1 on Instagram. If you haven't yet checked it out, see Kill or Be Killed. It's out now on Netflix. It's the live Kill. Tony, you are absolutely hilarious on it.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Thank you.

[Tom Segura]

Thank you for coming in.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Thank you for having me on. One Bear One.

[Tom Segura]

You want to wish best wishes to Bert for his weight loss journey?

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Bert, Keep going, buddy. You gotta lose one Kyle. And you'll be there.

[Tom Segura]

You'll be there soon, pal.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

A little more than a Kyle.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, a little bit. All right, thanks, guys.

[Kyle Dunnigan]

Bye. Burton, Tom. Tom and Bert. One goes tops while the other wears a shirt. Tom tells stories and Burt's the machine. They. There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean.

[Bert Kreischer]

Here's what we call two bears, one cave.