LeeAnn VS Hawk Tuah | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Summary

Podcast Summary: LeeAnn VS Hawk Tuah | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

2 Bears, 1 Cave is a weekly comedy podcast hosted by best friends Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer, produced by YMH Studios. In the episode titled "LeeAnn VS Hawk Tuah," released on October 14, 2024, the duo dives into a variety of topics, seamlessly blending personal anecdotes with broader societal discussions. Below is a detailed summary capturing the key points, discussions, insights, and conclusions from the episode.

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1. Tour Updates and Rescheduled Shows

The episode kicks off with Tom Segura announcing the next leg of his 2025 tour. He provides detailed information about upcoming shows in both the US and Europe, including new dates and locations.

• Tom Segura [00:00]: "Tickets are available now for my November shows... If you can't make the rescheduled dates, refunds will be issued from your point of purchase."

This segment ensures that fans are well-informed about changes and new opportunities to see Tom perform live.

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2. Personal Image and Perceptions

Bert Kreischer humorously addresses concerns about his appearance, particularly his facial redness, which he suspects is exaggerated in podcast clips.

• Bert Kreischer [01:18]: "I think my team's trying to fuck me in the ass. I think I'm not really this red, everybody..."

• Tom Segura [01:41]: "I'm sitting right in front of you. You look normal."

Their playful banter highlights the duo's comfortable friendship and sets a lighthearted tone for the episode.

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3. Fears and Fascinations with Artificial Intelligence

A significant portion of the episode revolves around the hosts' apprehensions and curiosities about AI. Bert shares his initial misunderstandings and subsequent fears about AI's potential.

• Bert Kreischer [01:47]: "I figured out what AI is... What if they can get it to think like Rogan thinks?"

• Tom Segura [03:48]: "He's the one that has been highlighting the dangers of what can happen with an unrestrained AI."

They discuss prominent figures like Elon Musk who warn about AI's unchecked growth, emphasizing the urgency and complexity of the issue.

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4. Personal Habits and Commitments

Bert touches upon his personal struggles with sleep and substance use, mentioning his participation in "Sober October."

• Bert Kreischer [05:11]: "Well, I just started Sober October, so maybe I'll try."

This confession adds depth to Bert's character, showcasing his efforts to improve his well-being.

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5. Experiences in Las Vegas and Skank Fest

Bert narrates his recent experiences in Las Vegas, including performances at Resorts World and attending Skank Fest.

• Bert Kreischer [06:11]: "I had two shows at Resorts World... Bobby Lee was with me, and it was a blast."

• Tom Segura [07:30]: "That's fun, man."

These stories provide listeners with a glimpse into the lives of touring comedians, highlighting both the excitement and challenges they face.

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6. Comedians' Stage Personas vs. Off-Stage Personalities

The hosts delve into the dichotomy between comedians' onstage personas and their true selves offstage.

• Bert Kreischer [09:11]: "He has a switch. It's so funny. You have a switch."

They compare figures like Joe Rogan, known for seamlessly switching between relaxed and intense modes, to comedians who maintain a consistent persona both on and off the stage.

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7. Mock AI Takeover and Colonization Roleplay

In a comedic yet thought-provoking segment, Tom and Bert engage in a fictional roleplay imagining an AI takeover and the subsequent need to colonize a new territory.

• Bert Kreischer [41:04]: "They want to colonize is like, wallow around with a machete and a wig on..."

• Tom Segura [45:44]: "We could just move there. Yeah, we don't have to murder them."

This imaginative scenario serves as a satirical commentary on fears surrounding technological advancements and societal changes.

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8. Commentary on Modern Societal Trends and Advertisements

Tom and Bert critique contemporary societal norms, particularly focusing on diversity and the portrayal of LGBTQ+ relationships in commercials.

• Bert Kreischer [59:00]: "I love when they do a mixed race commercial and it's a dude who, you know, could never pick up a black chick."

• Tom Segura [61:32]: "His hand is on his thigh. Dude, you gotta pause this."

Their discussions highlight the shallow and often forced representation of diversity in media, using humor to underscore their points.

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9. Personal Reflections and Future Plans

As the episode draws to a close, Tom and Bert reflect on their friendship and strategize on how to navigate potential future challenges posed by AI.

• Bert Kreischer [71:45]: "We're gonna have a game plan. We're gonna go do our thing."

This forward-looking segment reinforces the theme of camaraderie and resilience in the face of uncertainty.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Bert Kreischer [01:18]: "I think my team's trying to fuck me in the ass. I think I'm not really this red."

• Tom Segura [03:48]: "He's the one that has been highlighting the dangers of what can happen with an unrestrained AI."

• Bert Kreischer [09:11]: "He has a switch. It's so funny. You have a switch."

• Bert Kreischer [41:04]: "They want to colonize is like, wallow around with a machete and a wig on."

• Tom Segura [61:32]: "His hand is on his thigh. Dude, you gotta pause this."

---

Conclusion

In "LeeAnn VS Hawk Tuah," Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer offer a blend of humor, personal stories, and insightful commentary on pressing topics like AI and societal changes. Their chemistry and candid conversations provide listeners with both laughter and food for thought, making the episode a compelling addition to the 2 Bears, 1 Cave series.

Transcript

[A]

Last week, we went on sale with the next leg of my 2025 tour dates, both in the US and Europe. Tickets are available now for my November shows. November 8th in San Diego, California at Pechanga Arena. November 9th in Phoenix, Arizona at the Footprint Center. I also announced a few rescheduled dates. Richmond, Virginia is now Friday, January 10th. Norfolk, Virginia is now Saturday, January 11th. Mount Pleasant, Michigan is now Sunday, January 19th, and St. Louis, Missouri is now Friday, May 16th, and Saturday, May 17th. If you had tickets to the original dates, it will be honored for the rescheduled shows. If you can't make the rescheduled dates, refunds will be issued from your point of purchase. Tickets and all tour dates are on sale right [e-mail] tour 100%. Welcome to another episode of Two Bears One Cave. Quick reminder, in a couple weeks, I will be in San Diego on November 8th and in Phoenix on November 9th. Get tickets tomscura.com Tour, as always, is joining me, my buddy, the very Rosie red Bert Chrysler.

[B]

I think. I think my team's trying to fuck me in the ass. I think I'm not really this red, everybody. I think. I think there's a conspiracy in podcasting where people take my clips and they make me even redder that you think.

[A]

They'Re doing it in post. Like, they're just like I think they're doing in post.

[B]

I'm not this red. I don't think I look like a regular person. No one ever says to me in person, I'm sitting really red.

[A]

I'm sitting right in front of you. You look normal.

[B]

That. Thank you. Thank you. I had a rough night's sleep last night.

[A]

Really.

[B]

I figured out what AI is.

[A]

Did you not know what it was?

[B]

I didn't really. I didn't understand what AI was.

[A]

What did you think it was before you tell me what you figured it out?

[B]

I thought it was just chatgpt. I thought it was just like. Like, it's like. I think chap GPT is pretty funny, you know, like, it's. It's like, yo, like, I did this the other day. I was at breakfast with Leanne. I think you'll get a kick out of it. So chat. I said to. I said to chatgpt. How. How might Burt Kreischer kick off a breakfast conversation with his wife? We were having breakfast.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Hey, babe. Laughing hysterically Man, I gotta tell you, I woke up starving. What are we eating? I had the weirdest dream last night. Don't laugh, but I was being chased by A giant pancake. Laughing. Speaking of pancakes, we should get some pancakes today. How did you sleep, by the way? I was like, it's spot on. It's spot on. And I was like, that's cool. And then it stuck with me. That's spot on. That's spot on.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

A computer is thinking identically like I am, and I couldn't let go of that. And I was like, okay, so if AI is going. Is growing exponentially every day, right? And we're just at the. At the baby steps of it right now. And they can think. Like, I think, what if they can get it to start? This is how stupid I am. I was like, what if they can get it to think like Rogan thinks? And then I was like, holy shit. What if they can get it to think like, the people that are on Rogan's podcast? What if they can get it to think like Elon Musk? And then I started losing my mind, and I was like, what if people use this for bad?

[A]

Yeah. This has been a very big conversation that's been happening at a very high level for probably the last year.

[B]

I know.

[A]

And one of the biggest proponents of that conversation is Elon Musk himself.

[B]

He's the one saying we shouldn't have AI.

[A]

He's the one that has been highlighting the dangers of what can happen with an unrestrained AI. He's the one that says that. Yeah. Like, we don't know. He knows basically that it has capabilities that are beyond our grasp at the moment and that it could get to a dangerous place. So he was very vocal about that.

[B]

Dude, I got into a spiral last night laying in bed. Like, I've been hitting my vape pen aggressively to go to bed.

[A]

Like, really?

[B]

Yeah. You don't like edibles? I don't. I don't not like edibles, but I have to be able to be around people on edibles. Like, I can't just.

[A]

What about a nice nighttime edible, though? The one that just kind of helps.

[B]

I don't notice the difference between the nighttime and the. And the social ones. Really? I don't. I like, it's high as high to me. Like, I go. I'm high. Like, I definitely know that one time we went to that basketball game and you gave me a vape pen, and you're like, yeah, that's indica. I know that. I was not present. I was like, this.

[A]

Yeah, that's a good indica, then.

[B]

Really?

[A]

I mean, that's the one that's supposed to send you probably to. Because I Typically, unless it's a very clean, not rocket fuel powered sativa. Yeah, like I'll do that, but I have to, has to feel like light and fresh. Then I always do indica because I. It's always an end of the day thing for me and I like the, like the mild indica edibles. Those are nice.

[B]

Well, I just started Sober October, so maybe I'll try.

[A]

You're doing Sober October?

[B]

Yeah, of course I do it. I do it anyway. Like, I know no one I know. I don't really even need it as a group.

[A]

We didn't talk about it, so I didn't know if you were doing.

[B]

I mean, it's harvest day. At our house, we have roughly nine marijuana plants that we'll be harvesting, drying and then curing. And they will be ready at the end of Sober October.

[A]

So that's a, that's a very beautiful celebration commemorating the beginning of it is getting your marijuana ready for the end of it.

[B]

I know you'll be cool.

[A]

You'll be drug free for the month.

[B]

Drug free. I think I'm going to. I don't know. Do you think? Because last sober October I did smoke weed.

[A]

I mean there's definitely not technically sober. Are you just abstaining from booze then?

[B]

I'm just absent. I'm really abstaining from booze. I need a break from booze. I had a rough. I had a long weekend in Vegas and I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, yo, a couple. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. What?

[A]

You had shows, right?

[B]

I had two shows at Resorts World.

[A]

Was it fun?

[B]

Place is awesome.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, that place is awesome. They were funny. Yeah, they were funny. And I didn't have any. Like, I haven't, I haven't done standup without a goal in mind in probably like eight years, 10 years without a goal. Like, meaning like every time I'm doing standup, I'm always like getting ready for a special or writing a new. I'm like in a panic to write a new act, so I gotta go tour. Like, I'm never like, even when I'm at this store, I'm still trying to like create new stuff. Not in like in like, not in a panic, but like, I need to write. I need to write. I need to write. I haven't gone around and fucked around on stage like I did when I toured Funny Bones, like for the first 15 years of my career. I haven't fucked around on stage in so long. And I had so much fun fucking around on stage. That's great, dude. Yeah, I had great shows. Barghi came by to do run his SNL opening monologue. Bobby Lee was with me, and it was a blast. And then we went to Skank Fest every night to go. At the end of the night, I'd hang out at the casino party, and then around 12, we'd go down to Skank Fest.

[A]

That's. That's fun, man.

[B]

Yeah, it's so. Your vibe. You're such a Skank Fest, dude.

[A]

That's great. That's great.

[B]

What's funny?

[A]

I see what you're doing there.

[B]

It's like. It's just. You. You love it, man.

[A]

Yeah. What part would I like the most?

[B]

I think your favorite part would have been Ari on stage.

[A]

What the fuck, man? Where. What kind of stage was this? Outdoor stage?

[B]

It was indoor.

[A]

Oh, my God. Just on the floor.

[B]

No, they put out a tarp. They put out a tarp. I don't even know if we can talk about this, because I don't know if it was just like, they do secret shows. It's. It's so. I'll tell you, the people that go there are the. Are probably the most diehard comedy fans. Like, they are ride or die comedy fans. Guys that can quote your jokes from fucking years ago. They're fucking. They really are. And they're. And they. You cannot offend that group. You can say the most wild shit. Not gonna. Not even gonna bump anyone in that room. But. But in doing that, Lewis and Big J and Dave and ari and Joe DeRosa and Norton and everyone really step up their game to go. All right, let's see if we can at least get a gasp out of them.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And, man, Ari got. Ari fucking.

[A]

Well, he took a shit.

[B]

He. Yeah, he took a sh. And there was more to it. I'm gonna. I'm sure the video is gonna come out somewhere.

[A]

Yeah, of course.

[B]

It has Twitter.

[A]

Twitter's like, yeah, do it.

[B]

Yeah. And by the way, he. You know, I gotta take a second and say what a fascinating human being Ari Sphere is.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

You know, I. I don't spend a ton of time with him because we're so far apart. Like, we're. I mean, I'm. I'm just. It's like, I was always on tour. He's always in Austin or in New York. He's always traveling. He. Just. To start off, he's Jewish, very low key. He's a real introvert.

[A]

Mm.

[B]

It's. What's so fascinating is he's an actual introvert. So in all these interactions where he hangs out with fans, you know, his arms are crossed and he's like, hey, hi. Hi. Yeah. Yeah. And then something happens where it switches in his brain and he comes alive.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And he becomes alive. It's the, it's the, the lure of stage really fucking opens up who he is. I don't maybe hiding or not hiding or. It's fascinating to me because I kind of get shit for being the same guy on stage as off stage. Right.

[A]

He definitely has a switch.

[B]

He has a switch. It's so funny. You have a switch.

[A]

Yeah. And.

[B]

And Burr has a switch, Rogan has a switch. Everyone's got a switch. And I'm watching it and then like Bobby Kelly doesn't have a switch. Bobby Kelly is who he is on stage as he is off stage. It's like certain guys don't have a switch and I'm one of those guys. But like he shaved half of his face and head and had a beard on the other half.

[A]

Ari did.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Also so crazy.

[B]

Which is completely acceptable for Skanks Fest. Right?

[A]

So insane. Yeah.

[B]

And then yesterday me and him went wake surfing out on Lake Me with Austin Keane, who's like the number one wake surfing guy in. In the world. And we went wake surfing. We had a great time, had some cold beers, taught Ari to wake surf. Ari got pretty good at the end and. And then he was running late for his flight. He was in wet pants and a semi wet sweatshirt or a tank top with his face shaved halfway. He goes, just drop me off the airport in flip flops. And he walked into the airport as that human being, as an introvert. I know he's an introvert.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But it's so fascinating to me that he looks like a sideshow. I mean, he looks like a lunatic. Yeah, for sure. And he's wet. He's soaking wet.

[A]

That's how he got on the fucking plane like that.

[B]

He got on a plane to Austin soaking wet and flip flops.

[A]

So just.

[B]

Yeah, you dropped me off the airport. I guess I didn't book that. 630. Okay. Can someone please invent a crystal ball? Until then, over 38,000 businesses have future proof their business with Netsuite by Oracle. The number one cloud ERP bringing accounting, financial management, inventory, HR into one fluid platform with one unified business management suite. There's one source of truth giving you visibility and control. You need to make quick decisions with real time insights and forecasting. You're peering into the future with actionable data. When you're closing the books in days, not weeks. You're spending less time looking backwards and more time on what's Next. We use NetSuite. As our business has grown, we found it to be so useful because we have, oh my God, I think, 17 employees now. And this makes everything in one fluid platform so much easier for Leanne to run. Speaking of opportunity, download the CFO's Guide to AI and Machine Learning at netsuite.com bears the guide is free to you at netsuite.com bears netsuite.com bears Every man.

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

But you always wear like tracksuits to fly.

[B]

Tracksuits. Now I wear tracksuits. You're the one that changed that. I used to wear jeans, boots, a sweatshirt, and a certain T shirt from Lucky. Lucky Jeans. I didn't wear one of my three T shirts from Lucky Jeans for every flight. And then one day you texted. You texted me and you're like, dude, sweatpants are a game changer. And I was like, really? And you sent me a pair.

[A]

This. This is lunatic.

[B]

He walked on a plane like that, Tom. Dude, he walked on a plane like that?

[A]

Yeah. That's totally crazy. That's totally crazy.

[B]

Like, he's such a.

[A]

He's such a person.

[B]

And you know, I said to him, when I said, you know, I was like, hey, you know, we're gonna go wake surfing. My buddy Austin is. Have you gone wake surfing on. On your boat? No, I gotta get Austin to come show you how to do it with your boys because it is. It is so fun.

[A]

Is he. Where does he live?

[B]

He lives in San Diego. But I mean, you have to do it. Your boys would love it. It is so fun.

[A]

I think, yeah, Ellis might be ready to do that.

[B]

Oh, hell yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Hell yeah. And by the way, I was like, Ari and I were like, man, I wish I could had a lake. I wish I had a boat. And I was like, yo, Rogan and Tom are on lake. Why don't we just go to their houses all the time awake surf.

[A]

Yeah. And I have a boat for it.

[B]

Yeah, dude, it's so fun. And. But Ari goes. I said to him, I was like, you know, ask fest. He's shitting on places. He's walking around naked, his dick and balls are out. And I was like, hey, do you want to invite. I have, we have room on the boat. I have three friends here. Do you want to invite them? And he's like, you know, I don't really like, you know, being around people. And I was like, you're naked. You're naked walking into a boxing ring. What part of you is an introvert? I don't know, I don't get it. He's like, well, kind of just want to hang out with my friend tomorrow. And I was like, okay. So I didn't invite them. But he's just like, it's so fascinating to me because I really am an actual extrovert.

[A]

100%.

[B]

That's why when, when AI takes over and we all have to get off the grid.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

This is why my night last night, I was like, so there will be our first glitch. Will be AI takes over, everything shuts down. All the Internet. No more. There are no more landlines. No one's got a landline. Landlines don't exist. They're all based through Internet companies anyway, so there's no calling a landline. Listen, right now if you have a child in college, you better tell them, find the closest pay phone, get me that number. And then you better find the post closest payphone and get that number because that's the only way you will be able to communicate with your child when AI fucks this system up.

[A]

Is there any payphones left?

[B]

There's got to be a couple maybe, maybe, but, but I was like, when.

[A]

AI takes us over, Greyhounds, Greyhound stations.

[B]

There has to be by a bus station.

[A]

Yeah, that's pretty much it.

[B]

Yeah, I'm gonna.

[A]

How much did you drink over the weekend?

[B]

A lot. A lot. Here's the problem. I, I got. If one day gets away from me, the rest of the week is a show.

[A]

So like Thursday, if that's Thursday, was.

[B]

The one that got away from me. Thursday I had a, I got a froze when I landed.

[A]

Uh huh.

[B]

Let me. Okay, hold on, hold on. Okay, let me break it down.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I was wrong. Thursday is not the day that got away from me. Oh, Wednesday got away from me. Wednesday, Wednesday night. Wednesday night I went to a party at Whitney Cummings house. Now I look, I know that there are some pictures that are out of this party. So I don't. I'm cool sharing. I feel weird telling stories out of school, like at private time because you know people, you meet people and people live private lives, but some people Posted some pictures. So I'm okay saying it. The party was insane. It was all scientists, doctors, mathematicians, geniuses, and then pro skateboarders and. And some commit. A couple comedians and then singers. So it was like the weirdest group of people I've ever been around. And I got Leanne. I got Leanne, who doesn't know. Anyone should know a fucking person. And she's talking to Eric Weinstein. Yeah, Eric Weinstein, for those you guys that don't know might be one of the most brilliant people in the world. This is what got me on my AI fucking. My AI spirals. Eric fucking Weinstein is. He's talking to Leanne and he says the word. She goes, hold up, slow down. What's that word mean? And he was like, huh? She's like, I don't know what that word means. Hey, tell me that word means. And he's like, I. Well, okay. Like, he's never done that. He's never had to. The people he talks to, they all know the big words. And Leon was stopping everyone in the room. I don't know what that word means. Tell me what that word means. And then she looked at me, she goes, I ain't gonna be the idiot in here that just nods and doesn't know what that word means. I know there's other people that don't know what that word means. And I was like, you're right. You're totally right. I don't know what that word means. But I just sat back and went, yeah, yeah. It was so funny. Yeah, it was, dude. It was a while. It was one of the funnest nights I've ever had, honestly, in having conversations. There's me and Eric Weinstein, who is my new fucking bestie. Yeah, he is. Oh, dude, me and him are so different.

[A]

I can imagine.

[B]

Yeah, we are so different.

[A]

I didn't think you were so similar.

[B]

He said to me. He said, we were talking today. And I said, I don't know, man. I'm just a fucking idiot. And he goes, stop. I refuse to believe I'm speaking to an idiot. I don't speak to idiots. And you're not in this house because you're a fucking idiot. You're not where you are because you're an idiot. So let's stop that right now. And I went, thank you so much. I was like, you just made me feel so good. He's awesome, dude. You know, he was. I got. I was in a room with a bunch of scientists and brilliant people and the best skateboarders in the world. And Eric Weinstein's like, let's break down the hock to a girl. And I was like, yeah, baby.

[A]

Oh, he did.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

That's fun.

[B]

In the most mathematical genius. Him and Huberman are like talking about fame and what it does to people and how it's. And how people shouldn't be famous, but some people should be famous. And like, it was wild.

[A]

I don't think her fame has really faded in the way that some people thought. I think it's. It's kind of like sticking around.

[B]

She's kind of adorable.

[A]

Yeah. No, I mean, I. I keep seeing her pop up on things. I see people get really mad about it and then other people just go like, I don't know. She seemed like. She seems like actually well built for what's coming. What's happening to her? Like, she seems to be like taking it pretty well.

[B]

She's.

[A]

She literally said four words. And all this is because of that. Like, because she did it in a charming way. Isn't that nuts? That's all she said.

[B]

I think it's so. It's the most American thing in the world. Totally 100% the most American. Where's the beef?

[A]

That's it?

[B]

Yeah, that's it. Tastes great. Less filling. Tastes great. Less filling.

[A]

Charming. And everybody was like, cool, we want to keep talking to you. But she is very charming.

[B]

She's really charming and she's very self deprecating and like, I guess she's still dialed in. Like her and her best friend. I think her best friend's adorable too, by the way. But her best friend. There was a video I saw of her and I guess her. I don't know the bad. I don't know the right way to say this because she is so much younger than me, but there's a picture where it looks like her vagina is eating her shirt. Have you seen it?

[A]

Okay. No, no.

[B]

See if you can find. Or it's called. I forget what it's called, but it's. It's a video I saw of her shirt. Go scroll down. I think you just saw it. Scroll. It's a picture of her in a shirt. And. And her, her shirt's longer than her pants, but it looks like she's got a camel toe.

[A]

Cool.

[B]

On her. No, that's not it.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And so. But the way she handled it is apparently like everyone's lighting her up online and she just rolls off of it. Here's the thing about someone like her is she got nothing to lose. So what the Fuck does she care?

[A]

Of course she was probably working at fucking Hobby Lobby or whatever before.

[B]

She was working at a spring factory.

[A]

A what?

[B]

Spring factory.

[A]

A spring factory.

[B]

She was making springs.

[A]

Like mattress springs.

[B]

Mattress springs. She was making mattress springs. Her mother's a crackhead. She lived with her grandmother. Her grandmother's fucking adorable. They still put food away and, like, in, like, Tupperware that they've had for years. They're not using disposable Tupperware. They're like. I mean, honestly, I showed a picture of her grandmother cooking to Leanne a video, and Leanne got emotional. She's like, I miss my granny. It looks exactly like Leanne's grandmother's house. But I think there's a part of America that goes fucking finely.

[A]

Yeah. No, that she has resonated with a huge, huge audience for sure. And there's people that hate her for no other reason than she's getting.

[B]

Shirt, pussy, shirt, pussy. Oh, shirt, shirt, pussy, shirt.

[A]

Oh, I see. Imagine waking up from a nap. I have, like a bunch of messages and everything else. I was like, what's this about?

[B]

She FaceTimes me.

[A]

She's like, haley, go to your Instagram. I was like, what?

[B]

What is it? She's like, sure. Too.

[A]

See, people are talking about your shirt, too. See? And she was like, why does it look like she kind of. By the way, she sounds like Leonardo, man. Doesn't she?

[B]

Like, yeah, yeah, she's a. And let me tell you something, I guarantee, if she ever meets Eric Weinstein, she be like, what's that word mean?

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

I don't know what that word means. Yeah, there's something adorable. I mean, I'm married to. I'm married to Haa. So it's. There's something kind of adorable of someone who has not changed, despite the world around them changing and them being the same person.

[A]

But le. A tongue swirl, right?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's a tongue swirl. Tap it. Tongue swirl. Tap it.

[A]

Whose is this?

[B]

You gotta clean that up like an ice cream cone.

[A]

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[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then if I allow the bad to influence me, then I'll start looking for good to help me out.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

And it's just. It's like a. It's. It's worth it.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

I was talking to someone, and they were like, you know, my therapist says it's identical to a relapse. Like, when you get back into your comments, you're relapsing. Yeah, that makes sense. And I was like, oh, yeah. So I don't do it. So if Leanne will just scroll and if it's me, she loves me. So she go, oh, wonder what this is. I go, don't. I'm in bed with her. And there's a video of me and you from back in the day. You know those pages that. They're like, yeah, I wish there was a page dedicated to just Tom and Burt being funny.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then it's like a good clip. I go, don't watch it. I don't want to watch it. She goes, what? It's funny. And I went, I know, but if I watch those, then I get excited and I start looking for those, and I don't want that. I don't watch anyone's clips. All I look at is fucking boat disasters and Puerto Rican guys getting their hair cut. And she's like, okay. And then she goes to the next one, and it's me and you, and it's from your mom's house page, and it's the talking during sex. And I go, hey, yeah, I don't watch these. I don't watch these. She's like, wait, hold on. I want to see. This is recent. I go, stop. Take it off. Turn it off. And then she goes, wait, when was this? And then it's like me going, whose is this? And she stopped and started laughing hysterically. She goes, you told him this? I said, yeah. And she goes, why would you tell him? That's a. That's, like, humiliating for you. I was like, yeah, I know.

[A]

I figured that out later.

[B]

Yeah, I figured that out later.

[A]

That is hilarious.

[B]

But there is something, like. It's fascinating. I remember. I remember the first person I ever watched change, right? And I could be fucking this story up, but, like, the first person that we're, like, celebrity. Changed them a little bit was, like, Daniel Tosh. And Daniel Tosh made a joke on stage. He's like, yeah, I didn't like who I was. That's why I changed.

[A]

That's so funny.

[B]

It was such a great joke. And I was like, yeah, that's interesting. I think I've changed in a lot of ways. Like, celebrity does affect you. You have access to things that you never would have had access to. And I think those are all co. And I'm sure it'll happen to her. Like, I'm watching. I'm watching it happen to our friends who are getting, like, ultra famous, and I'm watching them be uncomfortable with it and it. And it affecting them. But once it affects you, once you start dressing down to go on stage to seem relatable. Yeah, like. Like say you go. Like say you show up in a suit and then you go, yeah, but I. I got. I gotta go out in. In old sneakers and a stained shirt.

[A]

It's inauthentic.

[B]

Then it's authentic.

[A]

And the funny thing is they're trying to. They're. They're doing it to be authentic. They're like, this. This will make me seem like I'm the same guy. And it's. It's contrived and it's. Actually. You can go as far to say it is unethical because you are completely manipulating people to think that you are something that you are not. And I know it. Dozen guys like this.

[B]

I know. I know more guys like this than. Than. Than the other.

[A]

And the funny thing is, like, they're all. They're full of. These guys are full of. And people will sometimes, like, talk about these guys. Like, hey, look how nice this is. Like, he's. He's one of us. And he's like, no, he's not. He's manipulating you. He lies.

[B]

He's manipulating you. Yeah, it's.

[A]

Yeah, it's nonsense.

[B]

And what I think is cool about this young lady is like, I don't think, wow, that's what I fucking love. That's what I love about those videos, Tom.

[A]

The.

[B]

About, like, Mama J. Ray and. And Trailer Park Tammy or whatever. Trailer Park.

[A]

Just being themselves.

[B]

No, I know. I love that they are themselves, but I love when they do try to manipulate, because I can identify it. And I go like, Like. Like anytime you do a shot of the store you're shopping at, it's because you're looking for a little something. You're trying to manipulate the store into thinking, oh, how cool. Like there was. Yeah. And so there is a weird manipulation of that. And I think that's what's going to be fascinating about Hooah is Like, as I wish her all the success in the world. I really do.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

I think it's going to be fun to watch. But, like, the day that. The day that she starts changing the way she. She's gonna have to change the way she dresses, because all women do. Like, at a certain time, it will happen just naturally. Just naturally.

[A]

Yeah, it'll happen naturally and.

[B]

But people will associate that to look at how different you are. I miss the old days always.

[A]

100%.

[B]

And it's so fascinating.

[A]

It's so. It's so fucking. It's honestly like it's to be expected, but it's so silly to be like, yeah, somebody. This person, this woman shouldn't evolve. She should say exactly like the day that we discovered her.

[B]

It's silly. Do you know what's so interesting about Joe Rogan is that at the very crucial moment when he started having wild success, and he would have changed to the suit, wearing fucking jewelry, unrelatable guy. He. He changed in the most authentically. Od, becoming a hunter.

[A]

Yeah, it's. It was an evolution. It's still an evolution.

[B]

It's still an evolution.

[A]

It's still an evolution.

[B]

It's the first time I saw him wearing sunglasses backwards on the back of his hat, and I was like, what the.

[A]

Yeah, he did. He evolved into. But there's a couple other things about him. He genuinely does not care no for clothes. No for clothes. He doesn't. No, no, he doesn't like. And the other thing is, he's one of. Well, certainly one of the people I've met who goes, do you know how I buy pants? Like, what I. What I. My criteria for buying pants? And you're like, what? He goes, I. I only buy pants that I can kick in. So, like, all of his pants are just like, can I. Can I kick in these unrestrained? And that's it.

[B]

Can I tell you the second I stopped wearing boots.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The day I stopped wearing boots is because of Joe Rogan. I wore Fry. Oddly enough, they're called Fry Rogan boots. Leanne bought me a pair for my birthday, and I love these fucking boots. Can you pull up Fry F R Y E Rogan boots? They're so fucking badass. And I wore these boots. You'll remember these boots, Tom. Dead center, dead center, dead center, dead center, dead center right there. Yeah, the Rogan engineer boots. I wore those boots. And it was. I had a different shade. Mine were more like a darker color.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Badass. I loved them. I get them shine. Why'd you stop they got stolen, for one, but they got stolen. But right. Right before they got stolen, Rogan and I were on a podcast and I told him, yeah, he were talking about what you wear on stage. And I said, oh, I always wear the same thing. Jeans, Rogan boots, and then no shirt. And I didn't say Rogan boots because I didn't know they were called Rogan boots at the time. These fry boots. And he goes, you wear boots on stage? And I said, yeah. And he goes, what if something happens? You have to get away. I was like, yeah, what do you mean? He's like, if you, like, if you're attacked, wouldn't you need some traction? He goes, I would start wearing shoes if I were you. And I was like, okay. And the next week, a dude rushed the stage and took my drink out of my hand and I was in boots and I. And I slipped because the stage is wet. And I was like, I'm never going to wear boots again. And I started wearing sneakers from that day forward because Rogan. Rogan got in my head. Yeah, I only buy pants I can kick in is. Is.

[A]

It's incredible insight into, like, how people's brains work differently in different things. He is somebody who thinks about exits and, like, being able to move and, like, you know, what happened. Like, he's always talking about security breaches. Like, he was doing this even before he was super famous. And I was always like, huh? Like, what, dude? But that is definitely how his brain works. And his clothes, he. He's like, don't care. Always was like, I don't care what clothes I wear. Can I kick in it? Can I punch in it? You know, I just need to be able to, like, drop down and whatever, get on the ground and fucking move around in it. And you're like, what? Like, that's just how his brain works. Like, that's.

[B]

If I'm home, if I'm home, I will only wear active wear clothes. Like, it.

[A]

Like, I always change when I get home, when I.

[B]

When I get. When I. Like, if I wake up in the day, I throw on. I mean, lately it's been those, those my favorite shorts in the world are like the, the champion mesh pants. I love those so much. And I get every school, every. Every arena I ever go to, I always get those pants. But I put on running shorts almost everyday. Running shorts, my running shoes and then a T shirt, maybe a sweatshirt over it. I need stuff in all pockets in the running shorts. Yeah, and I'll keep that on every day because I always Want to be able to go work out. I always want to be able to do another workout. I always want to go for a hike. If I can go for a hike or like I go for a walk, like, after this, I'll just go for a walk around the neighborhood and just walk for an hour. And I always like to be an activewear.

[A]

Yeah, I get that.

[B]

And even on the road, if I go on the road, I put on activewear to, to do my day.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it's usually. It's usually. Shout out to Bert Soren is Sorenex. Bert Soren has the best silkies. It's what the Marines wear. And they're. They're. They're so comfortable. It's basically like wearing nothing. But they. He sent me. He sent me maybe 20 pairs in XL and I got black and an army green. And I wear those almost every fucking day.

[A]

That's awesome. That's awesome. Yeah, I. Yeah, those are them.

[B]

Sorenex black silkies. They're so comfortable. They're so fucking comfortable. And they. And you. If, if you move your dick around a little bit, everyone sees it.

[A]

They see it. That's nice. Oh, good. I love when you get like a little poke. Hey, I got a piss real quick. I gotta do it.

[B]

Okay, go piss. Go piss.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We are back. That was an amazing pee.

[B]

Do you want to know what Chat GBT says we should talk about today?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Do you have a good childhood adventure, Tom?

[A]

A childhood adventure?

[B]

Just a funny story from your childhood. And then we could compare our experiences growing up.

[A]

That's okay. I don't know.

[B]

We don't need. We don't need any. We don't need Zolo. I don't need Halston. I don't need Christian. I don't need anyone in my office when you have chat. GPT is going to start getting rid of everyone. AI will get rid of everyone. They're going to get rid of doctors. Do you remember we met the guy who's doing the app where they're going to just. AI will scan your body and tell you what's wrong with you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And you. 100%. You'd be 100% right.

[A]

Well, what happens to humanity and the workforce in general?

[B]

It's when we start going to one of those fictional movies where we all sit on beaches, but we're being drugged because AI will come up with a drug. Like, I mean, we're already there. We got.

[A]

What am I doing? Harvesting us for organs. What are they going to do?

[B]

I don't know. It's. We're useless. We're useless. You know who's only people that are going to be useful? People who can dig holes to bury bodies. Yeah, that's it. People that.

[A]

Physical prowess.

[B]

It's going to be physical prowess. Guys like Joe Rogan who wear shorts because they can kick will be the most valuable people in the world.

[A]

Like, you know, players like, you know, I mean, big bodies.

[B]

We're get. We're going back to Revenge of the Nerds.

[A]

What, you know, exciting.

[B]

What nerds don't realize they did is they just outsourced themselves. They created a app to replace them.

[A]

Ooh.

[B]

They're too smart. And now they're going to go back. And you know who the most valuable man in the world is going to be? Gronk.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Because he can run through a wall.

[A]

This is a good premise, Bert.

[B]

Am I right?

[A]

Yeah, I think it's. It's very fun, but it's a fun story, too, that, like, the nerds create the thing, and then they're like, look how smart I am. And then everyone celebrates the nerd, and then the thing that they created puts the nerd in their place, destroys the nerd, and then the only person left who's just there is just Gronk on me no more. And then. Yeah. And then he just smashes the machine or whatever. Yeah.

[B]

It will take someone to go no more. AI good. I mean, it makes the Unabomber look like a genius.

[A]

That's. Yeah.

[B]

This is his entire manifesto. His entire manifesto. Dude, we're gonna be on. We're gonna be up in Ruby Ridge, me and you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And. And living off the grid. Let's do this now, chat. GPT. Let's find out. I. I'm obsessed with ChatGPT. I'm using the thing that's trying to kill me. Where. Where are we going to go to when we get off the grid? Well, do we stay in the United States?

[A]

Should be a fun time to leave. It's going to get crazy here, man.

[B]

This country, LA is going to be the first to fall.

[A]

Right? It's a fucking wild country, man. I think you might want to go somewhere a little more.

[B]

No, chill. I want to be able to conquer that race of people.

[A]

This. Now you're speaking like your forefathers. I like this.

[B]

Yes. I want to be a colonizer. You got to think. You got to start all over. Okay? So once. Once AI takes over, we have to start all over. And it starts all over with colonizing.

[A]

Yeah, that's.

[B]

And you take a Little bit of chatgpt. Let's find out what, let's find out real quick.

[A]

Well, you're going to need people who are smaller physically in stature.

[B]

What would be the best country to colonize?

[A]

This is fantastic. To give you an answer.

[B]

No, it's. See that we're getting, we're getting the, we're getting the, the weak ad friendly version of chat gbt. The kind that they're giving the kids. They're like, colonizing is an outdated practice form. And you know what they're making? The one where one day you're going to go, how do I exterminate a race of people? And they'll be like, very simple. They all have a protein that. I mean, it's going to ChatGPT. I guarantee there's a ChatGPT that could create, hey, how do I pump up the coronavirus? And it would be like, very simple. You just need to.

[A]

Is this something you're interested in doing? Just kind of reliving the pandemic?

[B]

No, but here's the thing. I'm just a comedian. You know, there's someone actually thinking, that's true. How do I do this?

[A]

Yeah, that's true, that's true.

[B]

There's a, there's a dude out there going, he's, he's, he's stealing my ideas.

[A]

Yeah, they're Persian, buddy. This is called the. The people in charge in Iran are thinking the same thing, dude.

[B]

If you don't think Kim Jong Un is thinking, it is AI.

[A]

All they want to do is wreck. Yeah, Yeah. I would love to see his searches, his Google searches. Wouldn't you love to hear what Kim Jong Un is up to? Like, he's like, first of all, you know, he's like, how do I get skinny? And they're just like, you gotta stop. And then he's like, you for saying I was fat. They're like, no, you asked. And he just kills that guy. But yeah, he's, you know, he can't get his hands on a nuke. But he's got to be always just asking what else he could do to people up. That's all he wants to do. Yeah, flex on people. Show you got to take me seriously. This haircut make take me seriously.

[B]

You know, he can't listen. Like, his, his uncle tried to give him advice and he killed his uncle.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He was like, yeah, but you know who he listened to?

[A]

Yeah, AI, he might. Do you know how he killed his uncle?

[B]

How?

[A]

He put him in a field and then had everybody in bleachers like in stands, whatever, thousand yards away. And then he had an anti aircraft missile fired at his uncle so that there wasn't one hair left. It's pretty intense. I don't want one hair remaining.

[B]

All right.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

All right, let's just, let's just role play for a second.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

AI takes over Los Angeles first. It's the canary in the mind.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Los Angeles. San Francisco shuts down. San Francisco will be the first city it shuts down. AI shuts it down. All transit systems are gone. No more cell phone usage. The homeless start raging against the machine. It's the gronks taking over. The nerds.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it's. And, and, and we get a sense of it. Rogan calls us up and he's like. Because, you know, Rogan will be the first one to be like you. I just talked to Elon. It started.

[A]

Yeah. And then he'll have strategy ready to go.

[B]

Yeah. And you're not going to like where this goes, but let's just take it. So me and you decide to colonize like a country.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Let's start with like a small island or something.

[A]

I think I was going to say you're going to need a small population.

[B]

Small population, Uneducated.

[A]

But also I think it would help to get like people that are for the most part smaller in stature so that we.

[B]

Papa. New Guinea.

[A]

Yeah. I was gonna say, like, what about the, say, the say shells or something? You know what I'm talking about?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Isn't that. Aren't the people there naturally smaller size or like, you know, like a Fiji or something?

[B]

So we liquidate all our assets early. Okay. We take all our money together as a team and we go into that island and we say, ultimately we're going to. We're going to make life great here. Everything's falling apart. We're going to hold arms. No one's going to come and get us. We're going to.

[A]

How are we getting there?

[B]

Oh, because planes are going to be boats. We got to take a boat. You got old school. You're going to have to take boats again.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You can't.

[A]

You got to take a big boat, dude.

[B]

Okay. What we're going to get. What we're going to get for. I heard, I heard for. Find out how much. What we need is a one of those shipping container boats.

[A]

How many people live in the Sage. Hells you say Sagells? Is that how you say it?

[B]

That's a lot of people to take over. Jesus Christ. How about how many people live in Papua New Guinea.

[A]

But the problem is they have people in this.

[B]

They. They need. God damn it. 10 million. Go back to this. HLS. We're taking over the Seychelles.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And so, okay, what.

[A]

What do. What's, like, society. We're trying to get, like, what kind of size people are we looking at here? You know, what is the. What are they.

[B]

How big is the average. Say Chilean.

[A]

Yeah, average size. Average sized. Man. I was a guy on vacation, for sure.

[B]

I could take.

[A]

Oh, look. Oh, no, that's. Sorry. For a man, there is 169.2. What is that in.

[B]

Well, if they're still using centimeters, we could take them. Or feet.

[A]

Yeah, that's. That's true. What does that convert to? 5.

[B]

5. Come on, dude.

[A]

That was a good call. First of all, we walk in like, giants are here.

[B]

Yeah, the giants are here. Okay? We're taking over the Seychelles. Now, here's the question you're not gonna. Like, we're gonna have to overthrow the government, and we're gonna have to kill these people. Now, you brought up Kim Jong Un. Do we. Do we do it in a public thing? Like, we bring them into the stadium and bring all our new. The people, and we kill them in front of people. That way we establish real dominance. Or do we do it on the DL, like Kim Jong Un, where he's, like, killing him in the air.

[A]

Labor camps and. Yeah, yeah. I mean, there's definitely arguments made for both, but I think you're gonna want to have that. That public panic, and maybe you don't have to kill as many because people just fall in line. They're like, oh, shit, whitey's here.

[B]

You know, it's like, do you remember when he was like, all right, lock the doors. And they're like, what? He was like, hear the names. And everyone. And everyone's like, shut the up. It's got. It's almost like being on Last comic Standing. When they call your name, you just immediately walk away from everyone else and.

[A]

You'Re like, oh, yeah, you did last comic standing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

How far did you stand?

[B]

I don't know. To the semifinals, To New York.

[A]

You went to New York?

[B]

Or maybe to the finals. Maybe I got to the finals. I don't remember. I got to New York, and then they picked the people, I think, going to the house.

[A]

Yeah, I did the regional. I did a regional set in San Francisco, and then they picked. I don't know, whatever.

[B]

Do you remember what jokes you did?

[A]

No, but I remember I had a great set, like an objectively good set. And you didn't get moved Pick. I was like, what is that? And then one of the producers was like, this. This is casting, man. This is a casting call.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I was like, oh. But bummed me out. I definitely wanted to do it.

[B]

They told me. I mean, I guess it's. I guess there's a. The. What's it. The statue of limitations is up on this. Everyone knows the show is not rigged, but it was kind of like. It was kind of like. It was cast.

[A]

It was cast. Yeah.

[B]

And they were like, hey. I was like, I'm gonna go out for it this year. And they were like, yeah, I wouldn't do LA or New York. And I was like, what? And then I go to Nashville. I was like, I've never been to Nashville. And they're like, go to Nashville. So I went to Nashville, and it was a bunch of people that like, that. I didn't really know anyone. But the only other person there was John Heffern, who was definitely not from Nashville.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And John was like, they told you. They told you to come Nashville? And I was like, yeah. He's like, they're looking for white dudes. And I was like, oh, so that's why they came to Nashville. And he's like, yes. He didn't say, it's gonna be me and you. Cause I don't think we knew going in. But we were the two dudes who flew into Nashville to do it, and we were the two dudes that got selected.

[A]

That's pretty good.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

But back to this, killing everybody.

[B]

I just.

[A]

Also, we have to show up with more people. You know that, right, buddy?

[B]

First of all, you know for a fact of Rogan's like, hey, man, you guys, he's gonna.

[A]

He's gonna participate.

[B]

If there was ever going to be a leader of a country.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's Joe Rogan.

[A]

You think so?

[B]

Yes. Yes, dude. We're just as henchmen.

[A]

So how many? But we have to go. Yeah. If we're going to arrive and, like, really, you know, scare some folks, we gotta come in kind of deep, dude.

[B]

Naked with wigs on.

[A]

But, like, 10 of us or 100, they've never.

[B]

Here's the thing. No. No offense to the Seychelles. I don't know anything about Seychelles. I don't even know where it is to be done, Honest with you. I don't know how long this boat ride's going to be, but I bet they're not, like, as deep into culture as we are about wild shit. Like, I bet they've never heard of General Butt Naked, right? So we take from the greats all the great fucking dictators. We take from the greats a little Saddam Hussein, a little Kim Jong Un, a little Putin, a little General Butt Naked, A little General but age. General but Naked. You don't know who General But Naked is. See, if you don't know who they are, he is then. And then the Chelsea don't know who General But Naked is. Pull up General Butt Naked. This guy's a legend when it comes to dictators, dude. He would have his boys roll in naked in wigs and that's how they'd roll into war.

[A]

General Butt Naked.

[B]

Liberian Liberios. I'm not going to Liberia, dude. That's the Wild West. There's a lot of places in, in the. In Africa, on the coasts are fucking insane. East Africa is. Got Sudan. Don't want to fuck with Sudan. Don't fuck with Sudan. I think that's where that is. Sudan is. And then West Africa, wild as shit. And that's where Liberia is.

[A]

So he would just go, just go.

[B]

Yeah, go to the part, go to the part. Roll down to how we like the. Keep scrolling. Okay, here we go. You ready? The unit, including General But Naked himself, frequently wore no clothing for their shoes and magic charms. Earning the name General But Naked. He claimed that his practice made him and his soldiers immune to bullets. During the conflict, his forces penetrated numerous atrocities, including cannibalism and human sacrifice. Jesus Christ. They would go in naked with wigs on, fucking kill the people with charms. Kill them and then eat them in front of the other people and be like, yeah, this, these, these hearts give you magic powers. And then he tell them if you guys what?

[A]

Recalling the atrocities he and his soldiers perpetrated against civilians during the conflict, he stated in an interview, Sometimes I would enter under the water where children were playing. I would dive under the water, grab one, carry him under and break his neck. Sometimes I'd cause accidents. I just slaughter them, man.

[B]

General But Naked, by the way, I think he's still alive. He lives in France.

[A]

It says he's alive. I don't know where he lives, but yeah, he's alive.

[B]

There's people who like really hate that dude.

[A]

I'm sure. Hey, man.

[B]

General Butt Naked.

[A]

Never knew about him. He's only 52. He's your age.

[B]

Are you serious?

[A]

Yeah, he's 52.

[B]

So wait, what? I wonder what, what, what I was doing when he was taking over and being a warlord. What year was he a warlord in?

[A]

89 why he became a rebel leader. Yeah.

[B]

Oh, my God. I wasn't even in college yet.

[A]

Yeah, he was pretty young.

[B]

I had just lost my virginity.

[A]

He was probably well past that.

[B]

I was still playing high school baseball.

[A]

Yeah, he's. He was pretty fucking young dude doing his General butt naked shit.

[B]

I mean.

[A]

How'D you know about him? Podcast.

[B]

No. Patrice O'Neill was the first person I heard talked about General Butt Naked.

[A]

Really?

[B]

I think. I think Patrice had a joke. Patrice had a joke about going back to Africa. And he was like. He was like, I'm not going back to Africa. Gotta walk around with a machete and a wig on and a wedding dress going in and eating babies hearts. I'm not going back to Africa. And I was like, I think that's the. The first time I heard of General but naked.

[A]

Oh, you asked him like, what's that all about? Yeah, there he is. Or there's one of those guys.

[B]

See, here's our deal. I am not ready. I'm not ready for this world. And this world is coming when AI takes over. This is the world that's coming when AI takes over. And you better be. And we need to prepare ourselves for it.

[A]

Yeah, that.

[B]

I'm not even around. And I know that sounds like the Chicken Little. The sky is falling. But think about. Think about the worst things you saw during COVID Right? Covid. Covid was baby steps. That was a runny nose compared to the virus AI can create, compared to the chaos that AI can create. Covid was just a couple guys in a lab, right? Yeah, a couple guys in lab. And the world shut down. Dude. AI. We gotta kill AI. I'm not even around. We gotta get rid of AI.

[A]

I know.

[B]

It's not. It's not good for us.

[A]

You're right.

[B]

This is. You know what this reminds me of? I'm. This. Now I know. I feel like I'm getting crazy. Tom, who is the dude in China? Was it Mao? No, that's. That's. Is it Mal who killed all the intellectuals and they had the Cultural Revolution? Yeah.

[A]

He type in?

[B]

Yeah, it was General Mao.

[A]

Chairman Mao?

[B]

Yeah, Chairman Mao. He. I. He was like. He. You know what he was doing? He was doing AI before AI. He was like. He was talking like, we are going like, yo, we got to get rid of the intellectuals. No more doctors, no more lawyers. They're too smart. We need dumb people, and the dumb people will uprise. And that's what they did. That's how we have China today. I feel like. I feel I actually Feel crazy. I should never have smoked pot last night. Yeah, I should have just gone to bed. Yeah, I was up all night long.

[A]

This is going to be a good month of cleansing for you.

[B]

I hope so. I hope so. I wish I could do Xanax. I wish I still took Xanax.

[A]

No, stay away from that.

[B]

I know my cardiologist says it melts your brain, but I would love to shut my brain off because all I'm thinking about today is AI and then it starts trickling into, like. Like, like, what are the. What are the fingers in the pie that we don't know about? Like. Right. Like. Like when you start talking about, like, I don't know, like, neurodivergence and, like. And the acceptability of all that. And, like, you know, hung out with this autistic dude this weekend and he was just. Me? He was. Yeah, it's just some comic who's autistic. And he was just mean. And he's like, I'm autistic. I can be mean. And I was like, okay.

[A]

I was like, how is he mean?

[B]

Just. Just rude to everybody. Like, you're fat? No, just to me. And I was like. I was like, oh, cool. It's fun hanging out with an autistic guy. And I was like, I can't say anything. I gotta just take it. What world are we in? And it's AI. It's a.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. He's just like, you're fat. And you're like, cool, thanks.

[B]

I don't like your stand up. I don't feel like I have any jokes. It's like, all right, what are we doing?

[A]

Like, he's. Is he on a podcast with you?

[B]

No, I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I get to say these things. Sorry. And you're like, she would be pretty if she had lost weight. And you're like, okay, okay. And you're like. And then. And it's this. I mean, listen, I understand, man. The guy's got a thing, right? But it's like. It's like, I don't know, once AI takes over and Gronks are. When running the world, I think we'll have a lot less of that talking freely shit.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, maybe. Maybe with Gronks out there just beating people's heads in. You mean just Gronk?

[B]

Gronk for president?

[A]

Yeah. I mean, there was a thing about, you know, back in the day, less civilized societies. Yeah. You could just say something and someone could just fucking take your head off.

[B]

I mean, think about how different our society is just from like, from like fucking 40 and 40 years in 20 years. And then you go back like a hundred years and it's unrecognizable.

[A]

It's true.

[B]

Unrecognizable. It's. What's wild to me is like too much diversity.

[A]

Right? Is that not what you were saying? No, this was. I thought we were okay. They're just everywhere, right?

[B]

Yeah. It's too much.

[A]

I was watching fucking what? The other night. Some TV shit. I mean, like the commercials. Every commercial. It's like, here's a mixed race family. And you're like, okay, again, how many fucking are there?

[B]

I'm like, I love when they. I love when they do a mixed race commercial and it's a dude who, you know, could never pick up a black chick.

[A]

No.

[B]

And you're like, come on, they're in a Subaru. What are you guys doing?

[A]

And it's all just because. Did we do a good job? Is everybody happy now?

[B]

Do you remember the first commercial where you. Where you saw two dudes kiss and you were like, what the fuck?

[A]

On a commercial.

[B]

On a commercial. I don't know, typing type in or. They don't, they don't kiss. They like hold each other in a pool. I remember a first commercial where two dudes like popped up out of the water. Yeah.

[A]

Hotels are doing that. They'll show like, like if the resorts thing.

[B]

Gay commercials. Type in gay commercials. I want to see one. I don't know where you don't remember the product. You're just like, whoa. They're going to make out best gay ads. Yeah. Oh, that's going to be pro gay ads.

[A]

Like, oh, yeah. Chevrolet with a lesbian family, other Chevrolet ad gay friends.

[B]

Oh, let me see that.

[A]

How do we know these guys are gay?

[B]

Yeah. I'll tell you when I think they're gay.

[A]

Okay. Right now they're just like.

[B]

They're just dudes.

[A]

They're just dudes. There's a tent. That was kind of a warm back rub. But that's all they alluded to, is smiles. Yeah.

[B]

Hold on, hold on. So the gayest thing is that guy's like, kind of smile, like eked out smile when he gets out of the car and he's like, hey.

[A]

Yeah, but he also did it.

[B]

Watch his eyes.

[A]

I know. Yeah, that's a little gay look.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But then look at this. Look at this little back touch right there. Oh, and the hands on the thigh. The hands on the thigh that you have to watch it a third Time.

[B]

Okay, go back, go back, go back.

[A]

His hand. His hand is on his thigh. Dude, you gotta pause this.

[B]

Gay enough.

[A]

Pause. Get ready to pause. Okay, hold on. Stop. See?

[B]

Oh, dude, here's the deal, okay?

[A]

You're trying to fucking infect us, Chevy. I'm not falling for it. For a Ford guy over here. Go ahead.

[B]

I think they should make them just more gay. Yeah, like, make them very fucking gay.

[A]

That hand should be all the way up in his crotch.

[B]

Don't kind of support the community. Don't be like. Like, Like, Listen, you either like an abolitionist or you're like. Or you weren't. Right.

[A]

Do you know how There was no middle ground edit for that commercial, too. Like, they were like, touch him. Wait a minute. Not so much touches. Touch his kneecap. No, that's not obvious. Like, yeah, it's. It's so much. Trying to figure out the right amount of gay to make that work. What about this couple in bed? The Weston ad.

[B]

Oh, let me see this.

[A]

Yeah, I want to see them scissor. Let's see what this happened. Okay. Oh, okay. One of us is active. One of us likes to stay in bed. Find wellness at Weston. Yeah. That basically could be just two girlfriends on a weekend.

[B]

Girlfriends. Yeah. That's not gay enough.

[A]

Definitely not gay enough, I think.

[B]

How would we. How would we gay?

[A]

How about that? How about these guys? This is doordash. Okay. This is like kind of over the top style, though.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's like highly stylized. Yeah. This is only stupid. Okay, so the last frame.

[B]

Yeah, But I don't have a problem. I don't like. It's not saying I have a problem with any of these.

[A]

No, I know there's.

[B]

That's not gay to me.

[A]

Well, what's gay about it is that they have great table settings and they prepared multiple dishes for their guests. Like, they had, like, charcuterie plates. Like, that's fucking gay. And that's the kind of thing you appreciate about gay men, is you're like, hey, this is very thoughtful, but the only gay frame is this last one.

[B]

Yeah, I want it. I think it's like, here's my point, right? It's like during the. Go ahead, go ahead.

[A]

And I'm just looking at.

[B]

But like, during. During times of a movement, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're either 100% with that movement or you're 100% against that movement. If you remain in that. In that middle ground where you just kind of like, shrug your shoulders and go. Doesn't affect me. It doesn't affect me. Not A big deal, then you're actually against the movement. So like I say, if you're with the movement, before the fucking movement and make a straight gay ass commercial, like, make. Let them know, yo, we're Chevrolet and we fucking love the LBGTQ community. That's what you got to respect. Bud Light doing that fucking trans things. They took a swing. Okay, this guy's shirts off as a.

[A]

Shirtless guy in bed.

[B]

Shirtless guy off. That's good. That one I want to see this.

[A]

Other guy talking about shoots a load on his stomach. That's what I'm.

[B]

Oh, okay. All right.

[A]

This is gay. Oh, shut up. Fuck yeah. This guy's got a body. Oh, yeah.

[B]

That was a dick and ball almost.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Called a prostitute.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

Oh. Whoa. Yeah. Yeah, baby.

[A]

This is what I'm talking about.

[B]

Yeah, this is what I'm talking about.

[A]

Oh, it's European. That's why. All right, that would never.

[B]

I'm ordering that drink right now. What's that drink? I'm ordering that drink right now.

[A]

Clean. What is this? Swedish organic beverage brand clean drinks. Dude, that's called Clean Drinks. What a terrible name. Hey, would you like some clean drink?

[B]

It's probably translated differently.

[A]

All I can think about now when I see these. That guy's body was incredible. Dude is like, I'm gonna be naked on my show and we're going into production.

[B]

You're gonna be naked?

[A]

I'm naked in one of the stories.

[B]

For like a gay thing.

[A]

It's kind of gay, dude.

[B]

Can I just give you a hint real quick? Play with your lip a little more. That guy played with his lip and it's like the hottest gay thing I've ever seen.

[A]

Really?

[B]

I'm going to start playing with my lips more. I don't play with my lips at all. Yeah, yeah. It's your lips sell it, man. Everything. It's like if you. If a gay guy sees something they like, they do one of these. Like, your lip sells it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What are you getting? What are you getting naked for? Are you going to trim your body hair? Are you going to dye it?

[A]

Am I going to dye the hair?

[B]

Yeah, I should probably gray.

[A]

I should tan the skin a little is what I should do. You look better tan. I should get spray tanned, huh?

[B]

Oh, I don't know. That's hard to get through that hair. Oh, yeah. Look like a zebra.

[A]

I don't know. I. I think. I mean, sometimes I forget about it and then I'm like, oh, what are.

[B]

You getting naked for?

[A]

My series, one of the One of the parts of the series, I'm naked and I fucking signed up for it. Now I'm like, oh, God. Like, I just. And then I just go, oh, fuck it. Who cares?

[B]

I can't wait. Yeah. Be on set that day. Do you need a body double?

[A]

I fucking wish I could have a body double.

[B]

I should have a body double. Just get a fucking. I told you about the guy that pulled over, right?

[A]

That pulled over.

[B]

I told you about the guy that stopped his car and saw me on the street, right? Yeah, the gay guy, the bear.

[A]

I don't remember this.

[B]

Oh, I'll save it for the next episode. It's such a good story.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And it's. And it's so long. But.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Wait, so. So that's why you're working on getting your body fat down. You're really focused on that.

[A]

Dude, I've. I've lost a bunch of weight and I. And I keep, like. I mean, I'm on top of my training and my diet. Like, I'm. I haven't around with my diet in months now. I've had, like, a couple cheat meals in a couple months. Yeah, I haven't had, like, complex carbs or starches. I'm. I'm watch. I have, like, a protein intake every day. I do at least 60 minutes of cardio. Sometimes 90 minutes of cardio. You know, it's. It's. It's. And I keep trimming down, but here's the thing. It does. It doesn't happen at the rate. Like, what happens now is you go, okay, can I have six more months? And it's like, no.

[B]

When you shoot your first naked scene.

[A]

From today in five weeks.

[B]

Oh, dude.

[A]

Yeah. But it's not gonna. Here's the thing. What I'm talking about is you just have to accept it's gonna be what it. Like, you're not gonna get to. What. Like, you're not gonna look like that. I'm not gonna look like that guy. You just are gonna.

[B]

Did you get on. Have you thought about doing like. Like legit steroids? Like wind straw or something?

[A]

Yeah, I've thought about it. Yeah.

[B]

What would be the best one? Did wind straws. Like this, Right? Yeah.

[A]

That's what. Deca, Windstrawl. Yeah. Anavar. All those are, like, anabolic. Yeah. But I don't even know if it would be. I don't think it's enough. I don't think it's enough. I don't think there's enough steroids in the. In on earth to change me Enough. In five weeks, I'll just be naked and just. Yeah, that'll just be it. Whatever it is, man.

[B]

I get. Well, you know, that I'm tuning in. I kind of feel upset when you get naked.

[A]

Yeah. And I am with other guys naked. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

The. When we did the Cabin, I had a bunch of naked scenes. Like, I was naked a lot.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And on the last day, we're shooting this thing, and I'm just laying naked on the ground.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I'm having a glass of wine, and we're not even rolling. I'm just naked. Yeah. And the cameramen are there, and we're all kind of talking, and there's this one female camera assistant, and she's down by my dick fixing a camera. And I said, hey, when you got. When you guys sign up for something like this, do they have you, like, sign something, like, finding out if you're cool with nudity and not smiling at all? She goes, I was told this is getting. Getting coffee and comedians with cars getting coffee. And I was like, huh? She goes, this is not what I signed up for. And I was like, oh, sorry.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I was like, fuck, Yeah.

[A]

I think you've probably surprised a lot of people with nudity in your life.

[B]

It was on the things, like the first episode, and that first episode was you. But Bobby Lee and I got naked. I mean, we were like, Nikki Glaser saw my fortune. Saw my ass hole. Yeah. Why? Because I got mud in my. So fortune. I had to squirt it out with a. With a gun. With a hose. And fortune started laughing. I said, what? She goes, I've never seen a man's before.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

And I was like, are you seeing it? Ms. Pat saw me completely naked.

[A]

What'd you think of that?

[B]

She said it looked like a. It looked like a chicken wing. I mean, I'm naked throughout the entire series.

[A]

Yeah, that's true. Oh, yeah. There's fortune spraying you.

[B]

Yeah. There's me and Bobby.

[A]

Yep. Okay.

[B]

All right. So I feel better now having talked about AI with you, because I feel like we have a game plan.

[A]

We have a game plan. We're gonna go do our thing. Yeah.

[B]

We're gonna. Worst case scenario. Honestly, Worst case scenario. Not even fucking around. Leanne and I bail out of la. We come down, we stay at your place with you and push, and we just fucking shadow Rogan. Whatever move he makes, we make two. All of a sudden, Elon wants to take us up to solar S1, his little space station that he's built sure.

[A]

Or honestly, I think the people of the Sagels are very nice and we just live there. We don't have to kill anybody.

[B]

What if.

[A]

Oh no.

[B]

Oh yeah. We could also just move there.

[A]

We could just move there. Yeah. We don't have to murder them.

[B]

It's a beautiful place. After this episode, I think they may not be so welcome to our.

[A]

I think they're going to be a little hesitant.

[B]

They'll be like there. No, no, no. We're just coming to for the beaches. Where are the Seychelles before we go?

[A]

It's in the Indian Ocean off of the. Let's see, where's the. There it is.

[B]

Oh, it's out by.

[A]

Yeah, that's off of the east coast of Africa.

[B]

Wow, that's crazy.

[A]

Yeah. Supposed to be gorgeous, man.

[B]

We'll just take over a small island.

[A]

Yeah, great. Great plan. We'll do it. All right. I gotta run. I gotta go run. I gotta go try to drop more body fat.

[B]

Did you take a naked picture of you before and after? Did I take it naked? I have a naked picture.

[A]

A picture in a towel of a towel picture. I mean, that's what I have. Naked picture taken now, today.

[B]

Yes. Naked picture in front of a green screen.

[A]

Huh?

[B]

Post it online so people can put you anywhere in the world. I'll take one too. I'll take one first and I'll send it to you. Okay. And then you take one, send it to me, and then we'll post them online and then people can plug us in anywhere in the world.

[A]

Are you gonna fluff first?

[B]

Yeah, of course.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I'm gonna take a blue chew.

[A]

Okay. Those things really work.

[B]

Take one at 4:00. You'll have a night.

[A]

Okay. All right, we're gonna run.

[B]

I love you, buddy.

[A]

Love you too. Bye, guys.

[B]

Bye, guys. Bert and Tom. Tom and Bert. One goes topless while the other wears a shirt. Tom tells stories, inverts the machine. There's not a chance inhale, but they'll keep them clean. Here's what we call two bears, one cave. You no longer have to drink gallons of Kool Aid a day to feel something. If you're going through it or you just want to get on one, Via has got you covered. Unlock the power of nature with Via organic and vegan hemp extracts. Perfect for relaxation, rejuvenation. I'm telling you, Via rocks. Via is the only lifestyle hemp brand. They use compounds found in active hemp along with active plant extracts to create products, each with a specific effect in mind. Whether you want to better sleep, ease your anxiety, enhance your mood, or just get high, they have something for you. They also have zero THC products. If THC is isn't for you and you're like my wife, you can still take advantage of their CBD line with products designed for sleep, focus and energy that will keep you glowing all year long. It comes in a beautiful box. They're all packaged beautifully. I love the gummies. I've been doing the CBD gummies before sleep and I'm telling you, my sleep scores through the roof. If you were 21 and over, check out the link to via in our description and use code bears to receive 15% off after you purchase. They're going to ask you where they heard about them. Please support our show and tell them that we sent you. Unleash the Green and Live the American Dream with Via.