Mark Normand Is A Gay Dad | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Mark Normand Is A Gay Dad | 2 Bears, 1 Cave"

Podcast Information:

• Title: 2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
• Host/Author: YMH Studios
• Description: Weekly, comedian best friends Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer gather in the bear cave at YMH Studios to entertain each other and their audience with laughter and candid conversations.
• Episode: Mark Normand Is A Gay Dad | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
• Release Date: June 9, 2025

---

Introduction and Guest Welcome

The episode kicks off with Tom Segura introducing their guest, Mark Normand, in a humorous and heartfelt manner.

Tom Segura [00:05]: “Bird is having 16ft of intestines removed this week. We wish him well in his recovery and sitting in for him. He's gay, he's Muslim, he's hilarious. Give it up for Mark Norman, everybody.”

Mark Normand responds warmly, setting a relaxed and comedic tone for the episode.

Mark Normand [00:25]: “Good to be here. Good to be back, Tom. Thanks for having me.”

---

Humorous Anecdotes: Farts and Sharting

The trio delves into light-hearted and relatable topics, starting with embarrassing experiences related to farts and sharting.

Mark Normand [00:28]: “Oh, nice fart, man. I was sitting on that one for a minute.”

Tom Segura [00:34]: “Have you ever had farts go wrong?”

Mark Normand shares a particularly awkward moment:

Mark Normand [00:43]: “One time I sharted on a date and I could feel we were gonna hook up and I had to just get out of there. Like, get the panties off. Yeah, my panties off.”

This segment highlights their ability to find humor in everyday mishaps, making the conversation both entertaining and relatable.

---

Parenting and Family Life

Transitioning from humorous mishaps, the discussion shifts to parenting, reflecting their personal lives and responsibilities.

Mark Normand talks about his baby’s sharting in diapers, providing a humorous take on the joys and challenges of fatherhood.

Mark Normand [03:10]: “He's a big sack of jizz. And it's finally getting good. Like, he's laughing, he's smiling, he's... he's, you know, racist. So he's fun now.”

Tom Segura shares his experiences with his children, emphasizing the transformative impact of sleep on marital relationships.

Tom Segura [03:36]: “Sleep is what ruins the relationship.”

They discuss routines such as the “dream feed,” highlighting how managing sleep schedules can be a game-changer for parents.

---

Comedic Careers and Podcasting

The conversation naturally flows into their careers in comedy and the evolution of their friendships into successful podcasts.

Mark Normand reflects on the necessity of monetizing friendships to maintain connections amidst busy schedules.

Mark Normand [22:39]: “So you get to see your wife, actually, no joke. That is sometimes, like, the most time we'll spend together in a week.”

They discuss the dynamics of maintaining friendships and the role of podcasts in keeping their bond strong despite professional commitments.

---

Interacting with Fellow Comedians

Mark Normand shares his relationships with other comedians like Joe List and Sam, highlighting collaborative efforts and the unique rapport they share.

Mark Normand [21:26]: “Sam's Jewish, so that takes him down a peg for sure. But Joe's got herpes now. I don't know. They're both great in different ways.”

Tom Segura appreciates these relationships, noting the diverse personalities and how they enrich the comedic landscape.

---

Navigating Internet Fame and Criticism

A significant portion of the discussion revolves around dealing with internet fame, unsolicited comments, and maintaining mental well-being amidst public scrutiny.

Tom Segura reflects on the inevitability of not pleasing everyone and the importance of mental resilience.

Tom Segura [29:14]: “You just see it and you just kind of go, it's whatever.”

Mark Normand agrees, emphasizing the challenges of balancing public expectations with personal authenticity.

Mark Normand [29:00]: “I think the unknownness of, like, will I make it? How long till I make it? I'm so poor right now. I need money. So I think. Yeah, it's. It's too tempting.”

---

Political Commentary and Media Critique

The hosts delve into political topics, critiquing media representations and discussing figures like Tom Cruise and Donald Trump.

Tom Segura praises Tom Cruise’s dedication to entertainment, while Mark Normand humorously critiques the state of journalism and political integrity.

Tom Segura [05:22]: “He is a gift to entertainment. Like, he is a 1-of-1.”

Mark Normand [33:04]: “They're all crooks in a suit.”

This segment blends sharp humor with insightful commentary, showcasing their ability to tackle serious topics with comedic flair.

---

Life in New York vs. Other Cities

A heartfelt discussion ensues about living in New York City, comparing it to other locales like Austin and Los Angeles.

Mark Normand shares his tenure in New York, recounting hardships like being mugged and dealing with difficult living situations.

Mark Normand [35:00]: “I finally beat New York. It's like a video game. I finally beat it on hard.”

Tom Segura relates through personal anecdotes, highlighting the vibrancy and chaos of city life as a source of comfort and stimulation.

Tom Segura [46:46]: “The city, like, calms that down.”

They contrast the fast-paced city environment with the tranquility of smaller towns, emphasizing their preference for urban settings to match their energetic lifestyles.

---

Past Work Experiences and Personal Stories

Both hosts reminisce about their past jobs before achieving comedy success, sharing humorous and sometimes gritty stories.

Mark Normand recounts his time as a janitor in Manhattan, detailing quirky interactions and life lessons learned.

Mark Normand [53:00]: “It was me and this other Mexican guy and he taught me how to do everything.”

Tom Segura shares his diverse work history, from painting shows to working in pizza restaurants, illustrating the varied paths comedians often take.

Tom Segura [55:09]: “I did a pizza place. Off Riverside Drive in the Valley.”

These personal narratives add depth to their comedic personas, showcasing resilience and the journey to success.

---

Anecdotes and Interactions with Celebrities

The episode features entertaining stories about interactions with celebrities, including Woody Harrelson and Taylor Rain.

Mark Normand narrates wild nights in Europe with Bert Kreischer, highlighting unforgettable adventures and antics.

Mark Normand [40:27]: “We went to a strip club in Copenhagen...”

Tom Segura humorously describes encounters with Taylor Rain, adding a layer of playful celebrity gossip.

Tom Segura [57:18]: “If you're listening, Taylor, I wish we would have gotten together.”

These segments blend humor with celebrity insights, keeping the audience engaged with entertaining content.

---

Conclusion and Final Thoughts

As the episode wraps up, the hosts reflect on the importance of perseverance in comedy and the evolving landscape of the entertainment industry.

Tom Segura emphasizes the value of sticking it out despite challenges, while Mark Normand encourages new comedians to focus on honing their craft over chasing viral fame.

Tom Segura [36:07]: “They just kind of fade away. And you're like, well, who's... who has done well? And you're like, well, some of the people who's done well just were the ones that, like, kept doing it.”

The episode concludes with humorous banter about future projects and the enduring bond between the hosts and their guest, leaving listeners with laughter and thoughtful reflections on life, parenting, and comedy.

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Mark Normand [00:43]: “One time I sharted on a date and I could feel we were gonna hook up and I had to just get out of there.”

• Tom Segura [03:36]: “Sleep is what ruins the relationship.”

• Tom Segura [05:22]: “He is a gift to entertainment.”

• Tom Segura [29:14]: “You just see it and you just kind of go, it's whatever.”

• Mark Normand [35:00]: “I finally beat New York. It's like a video game. I finally beat it on hard.”

• Tom Segura [36:07]: “They just kind of fade away.”

• Mark Normand [53:00]: “It was me and this other Mexican guy and he taught me how to do everything.”

---

This episode of "2 Bears, 1 Cave" offers a blend of humor, personal anecdotes, and insightful commentary, making it both entertaining and relatable. Through the candid conversations between Tom Segura, Bert Kreischer, and guest Mark Normand, listeners gain a deeper understanding of the comedians' lives, the dynamics of friendship in the comedy world, and the challenges of balancing personal and professional responsibilities.

Transcript

[Bert Kreischer]

100%.

[Tom Segura]

Well. Bird is having 16ft of intestines removed this week. We wish him well in his recovery and sitting in for him. He's. He's gay, he's Muslim, he's hilarious. Give it up for Mark Norman, everybody. There you go. Thanks for coming in.

[Mark Norman]

Good to be here. Good to be back, Tom. Thanks for having me.

[Tom Segura]

Absolutely.

[Mark Norman]

Oh, nice fart, man. I was sitting on that one for a minute.

[Tom Segura]

Have you ever had farts go wrong?

[Mark Norman]

Yes. What, are you kidding? I'm American. I'm human. Definitely had some splatter in my day. Yeah, we've all had a shirt.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

Trying to think of a good one. One time I sharted on a date and I. I could feel we were gonna hook up and I had to just get out of there. Like, get the panties off. Yeah, my panties off. And before we.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

You know.

[Tom Segura]

How'd you. How did you. Did you. You. Did you leave the date or did you just go like, oh, I gotta go to the bathroom.

[Mark Norman]

And I had just did the bathroom.

[Tom Segura]

Thing and cleaned up.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. Because you're. If you're getting head or something, you're just assuming she can smell this.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah.

[Mark Norman]

You know, right when those pants come off, the air opens.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, that. Was it bad? Was it pretty bad?

[Mark Norman]

It was pretty bad, yeah. Yeah. And I'm not a shorter. I got a tight B hole.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

Quite the balloon knot. But every now and then I feel like once a year, you get. You get stung.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I. I think with every year that goes by, they're more likely to happen, you know?

[Mark Norman]

You think so?

[Tom Segura]

Is it saying as you get? I. I can only imagine in our 70s, we're going to be sharting pretty often.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, that's true.

[Tom Segura]

I remember the. I mean, the last one was. Was in a bathroom at a urinal, and I. I just went to. I was like, oh, I got a little fart, whatever, and just disaster came out.

[Mark Norman]

At least you were in the bathroom.

[Tom Segura]

That's the best place it can happen.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I've had them. I mean, at home, like, those are like. They're horrible. But you're like, at least I'm home.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

But like, yeah, out in public is on a date. Feels like a really. Were you at her place?

[Mark Norman]

No, we were like, at a bar, but I could tell it was going well, and I was like, oh, nothing kills that confidence like a shart.

[Tom Segura]

No shark really wakes you up.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. So it was bad, but, yeah, rarely do it not. I got a baby now and he's sharting Like a.

[Tom Segura]

That's what they do, man. They just. And piss for years.

[Mark Norman]

But the beauty of a baby is when it sharts in the diaper. You're like, hey, this is a good day.

[Tom Segura]

Good day. Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

Usually it's Katrina and Flint water.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah, it's. And then you get sprayed and it gets everywhere.

[Mark Norman]

Yes. You ever have the thing where you change the diaper and you're like, all right, that was a giant load of dung and waste. And then you put a new diaper on and they. In that one.

[Tom Segura]

Of course, like, within. How old's your baby now?

[Mark Norman]

He's 38. No, no, he's four and a half months.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, you have a little baby.

[Mark Norman]

Oh, he's a big sack of jizz. And it's finally getting good. Like, he's laughing, he's smiling, he's. He's. He's, you know, racist.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

So he's fun now.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. That's the best dude.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. Sleeping through the night and everything. Once that happened four months. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

That's awesome, man.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, we hit him with a dream feed. You know about the dream feed?

[Tom Segura]

Dream feed.

[Mark Norman]

Oh, that's where you call it, where you feed them at, like, midnight, and they don't even wake up. They just drink.

[Tom Segura]

And then they just.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, like Bert.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

And then I just go up to Bert, give him some vodka.

[Tom Segura]

That's exactly what he wants.

[Mark Norman]

But. But yeah, so they sleeps through the night now, and it's. It's huge. Save the marriage.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, it's a game changer. Sleep is what ruins the relationship.

[Mark Norman]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

What do you got, six kids now? I have.

[Tom Segura]

I have two, and they're. They're six and nine and. Yeah, man. The other one that. Like, some couples, it's so crazy to me. I mean, your. Your kids are going to jump in bed with you, but some of them just go like, yeah, our baby sleeps with us indefinitely. And you're like, wow, that's a good way to ruin the relationship, too.

[Mark Norman]

I know. Isn't it weird that anyone could have a kid? Like, we have a fucking toothpaste behind glass at a cvs, but anybody could have a child.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

You know, like, the flat earther could have a kid.

[Tom Segura]

Anyone.

[Mark Norman]

Totally legal.

[Tom Segura]

Isn't it crazy when you get to, like, you have kids and then you look at your parents and you're like. You're just like a. A guy. I know that was walking around.

[Mark Norman]

I know.

[Tom Segura]

And you met this lady and you banged her, and that's why I'm here. Yeah, you're not special.

[Mark Norman]

Right.

[Tom Segura]

You're just a regular guy.

[Mark Norman]

I feel the same way with like a priest. You see a priest?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

Oh, the priest. But then you're like, this is just a guy with a boner and a mustache and a van, you know? But he's a priest now. Yeah, but we have to go, oh, the, the pastor. Like the Pope. The Pope is a guy from Chicago.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

Like, oh, look at the Pope. And I'm like, he's just a guy who hates gays.

[Tom Segura]

The guy. The Pope goes to White Sox games.

[Mark Norman]

Yes, exactly, exactly. He's probably said the N word after he lost a bet. You know, it's just a guy who's eating, you know, what do you call it? Deep dish.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, it's so. It is not everybody is just a guy.

[Mark Norman]

Just a guy.

[Tom Segura]

Tom fucking Cruise, by the way. I feel like we are taking people like Tom Cruise for granted. And he is a gift to entertainment. Like.

[Mark Norman]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

He is a1of1. I was just thinking about how like that guy's entire life has been basically dedicated for the most part to just entertaining us. Right. He's willing to die.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

To give us like, hey, that was a good movie. He's willing to die.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. Movies are literally over. And he's like, I'll save him. I'll fly off this cliff in a motorcycle.

[Tom Segura]

It's insane.

[Mark Norman]

At 68, what is he?

[Tom Segura]

He's 62 now, I think, oh, my God.

[Mark Norman]

He still looks great.

[Tom Segura]

He looks great.

[Mark Norman]

And he's doing all the stunts and we're on Mission Impossible 40.

[Tom Segura]

It's so, it's. It's. Did you see the latest one?

[Mark Norman]

No, I haven't seen it yet.

[Tom Segura]

I went because I wanted to see it before it was out of imax. And you know, because it's only going to. You're usually only IMAX for like a couple weeks. And I went first. It's long as it's a three hour.

[Mark Norman]

What are they doing with that?

[Tom Segura]

I think they were just trying to put a. A button on the franchise for him.

[Mark Norman]

Oh, okay.

[Tom Segura]

So. Because they were like, it's the final reckoning or whatever. And it's like the last one and they do a lot of like, you know, they honor kind of the earlier one. There's like a lot of flashback stuff and tying things together. I think it was a story wise, a little convoluted.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

But him putting on a, like a show for us.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Just like watching this go down, you're like, this dude really just wants to give us incredible entertainment. Like there's nobody like him. No, nobody. Like, there's actors who are obviously great actors, and they're like, yeah, I'll do this movie.

[Mark Norman]

Sure.

[Tom Segura]

And I'll say my lines and stand on my marks.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

This guy's like, climbing on a plane. It's not CGI on a plane. Hanging off of the wing with a wire.

[Mark Norman]

Right.

[Tom Segura]

And that. And then they're like, yeah, just keep doing that. And the fucking planes going all over. He's dangling from the plane.

[Mark Norman]

See, that's the movie I want to see. I want to see the stunts, you know, going wrong or him dangling. I don't want to see the movie. I want to see him fucking up and be like, oh, shit, that was crazy. I almost died.

[Tom Segura]

Well, this, like. You realize that those, like, his movies, especially, like, Mission Impossible, they're just stunt showcases.

[Mark Norman]

Exactly.

[Tom Segura]

They know they shoot. What I've heard is that they shoot them first. Whoa. So that he goes like, you know, we haven't done me hanging off of, like, a single engine plane.

[Mark Norman]

Right.

[Tom Segura]

And then they're like, cool. And they shoot it. And then they're like, all right, now let's figure out a story of how I ended up on that. Doing that.

[Mark Norman]

Wow.

[Tom Segura]

So basically reverse engineer it. Yeah, yeah.

[Mark Norman]

Jackass. On another level, it's like, I'm not going to run into a bull cage. I'm going to flip. Fly off a plane.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

Wow. We should just put them in, like, crazier situations. Like, let's put them in Gaza.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah, that's right. This is like a. A few. See what happened episodes ago. This is like, right there.

[Mark Norman]

Oh, wow. This is what I want to see. This is entertainment.

[Tom Segura]

He knew he had broken his ankle.

[Mark Norman]

I crawled over the wall just to get past camera because I knew this is the take.

[Tom Segura]

First thing he did was turn to the camera operator, say, did you get that? Right there. Broke his ankle.

[Mark Norman]

Ankle, Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I looked down.

[Mark Norman]

Wow, that's bananas. Now it just raises the question, what's going on in Scientology that makes you have to do that?

[Tom Segura]

I don't know. This dude is. He's so wired differently.

[Mark Norman]

He is.

[Tom Segura]

Because you. You get everybody who. I've. I know a few people that have worked with him and have met him, and they're like, it is. It is intense. Because when he meets you, he's. They're like, he is all in on you. You get all his attention.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You feel like you're the most important person. And he's really engaged. And he's also, you know, this is like somebody I think no negativity is allowed in his.

[Mark Norman]

Really?

[Bert Kreischer]

Whoa.

[Tom Segura]

And he just, you know, this is him. What, eating popcorn? Yeah. Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

Fascinating guy.

[Tom Segura]

Fascinating guy.

[Mark Norman]

You hear that Jimmy Kimmel story where Jimmy Kimmel finally started, like, getting up in the ranks in Hollywood and he had a big super bowl party, and he invited Tom Cruise, and he's like, oh, my God, it's gonna be great. Tom Cruise shows up with cupcakes and his mom, and it's just a bunch of, like, degenerates like Adam, Carolla Simmons and all these. These. These dudes, and. And they're all drinking beer and farting, and they're like, oh, hey, Tom's mom. You know, this is weird, but that's. That's who he is.

[Tom Segura]

I think he's like a kind of. Like, kind of a dork.

[Mark Norman]

I think so, yeah. Oh. 100%.

[Tom Segura]

Like, I don't mean it in a bad way. I just mean, like, he's. He's so type A and so. So structured. Probably, like, wake up. It's the train. Egg whites.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Meeting, you know, I mean, like, goes through his shit.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And then he's obviously, like, just every year, he's like, no, I'll do another insane action stunt movie. And I'm 62 years old.

[Mark Norman]

Wow.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

You'd love to talk to the. The Nicole Kidman's and the Katie Holmes.

[Tom Segura]

Yes.

[Mark Norman]

Get. Get some scoop on the sexual side.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. What do you think?

[Mark Norman]

I think he's. Well, if he does anything like the movies, he's got to go all in. He's probably, you know, really lasting a long time and a lot of breath work. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of wacky positions. I'm sure he's got a swing, right?

[Tom Segura]

It's not just like, hey, blow me.

[Mark Norman]

No. God, no. He's got to go all in. His mom's there. There's cupcakes.

[Tom Segura]

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[Bert Kreischer]

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[Mark Norman]

I'm loving it now. Now the first two months are pretty brutal. It's just keep this thing alive. You're on. No sleep, you're not getting laid. So now it's great.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, it's a fun. Are you gonna do more, you think?

[Mark Norman]

I think I'm gonna do one more.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Two is great.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. I'd like to have one that's not downs.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

So that would be helpful. But yeah, two is fun. And you got the good ages. You're right in that gooey fun kid phase.

[Tom Segura]

They are very fun. This age is very. They both have, you know, you don't know when it's gonna happen. I think it starts to happen at 4, where the, you see a real individual personality start to pop, where you go like, oh, this is this who this person is?

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And then obviously with every year, it kind of comes out more. So these two guys are like very distinct personalities.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And they're very fun and they, you know, they just, they're kids, they just want to have fun all day. I mean, they're, they're a good time, man.

[Mark Norman]

I can't wait.

[Tom Segura]

It's very cool.

[Mark Norman]

Is it? Because a lot of. Are you one of these dads? A lot. A lot of dads I know have kids, your kids age and they're like, I'm sending them to summer camp. Get the hell out of my house. No, no, I think I'd want to hang out with Him.

[Tom Segura]

No, it's funny. This is. I think this is going to go quick. Like, right. The nine year old, he's still. I describe it as, like, has a innocence to them. Right. And you. You start to calculate in your head that the innocence will disappear in a number of years. Like, in other words, where they'll just become more either cynical or jaded by, you know, just like, how life evolves.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

But at this age, they're still, like, totally innocent.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And it's fun to be around them, you know?

[Mark Norman]

So what are you doing? You shielding the porn and shielding the Twitter and all that?

[Tom Segura]

You know, it's funny. Like, they definitely don't have access to that, but they'll still come home and say wild shit. Because.

[Mark Norman]

Really?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, because it's because of other kids. So, like.

[Mark Norman]

But that's not new. No, we were doing.

[Tom Segura]

We were doing the same thing. Like the latest one, which made me laugh so hard as they go. What can I say except that I'm gay. I was like, have you been hanging out with Mark?

[Mark Norman]

Like, they got some new Carmichael special.

[Tom Segura]

They. They say all kinds of crazy shit slang, you know, things where you're like, oh, you know. Yeah, you think Elon Musk and like, how do you even know who that is? And they're like, everyone knows him. And you're like, oh, yeah.

[Mark Norman]

I guess it seems inevitable now because, like, we had, oh, look at this porno mag or whatever. Now it's like, look at two girls, one cup. I mean, you can just pull out an iPad and show people, like, a guy's head getting cut off. It's. It's crazy. We had to pass around a tape or something.

[Tom Segura]

Thank God they still have, like, zero interest right now.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

So I like to go like, do you have a girlfriend? And they're like, you. They get mad at the suggestion.

[Mark Norman]

Right.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Mark Norman]

There's like an angry gay guy.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Yeah. But they're. It's adorable, man. No, I don't want to. I want to be with them, especially in the summer because we work all the time.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

We're always gone, so it's like.

[Mark Norman]

Right.

[Tom Segura]

I can take some time off in the summer and actually, like, you know, do stuff with them. It's gonna be fun.

[Mark Norman]

My parents work from home, so they were like, get out of here.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, right.

[Mark Norman]

They had a law firm in the house.

[Tom Segura]

In the house?

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. Yeah, because they. They were too cheap, I think, to rent a building or whatever. So they're like, we'll just do it in the. The big house.

[Tom Segura]

Are you Is your boy their first grandchild or. No?

[Mark Norman]

No, my brother has two kids, and he's like a. He's like a real person. He has a job and, you know, a wife and two kids.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

And I, you know, tell dick jokes.

[Tom Segura]

Right, Right. But there. Are they thrilled? They gotta be thrilled to have another grandkid.

[Mark Norman]

Oh, yeah. They're loving it. They're loving it. And it's. I got it in at the buzzer. They're getting old.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Yeah. No, they. Yeah, you give them a little taste of that, and they love it on the way out.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. It's weird. Now, this is not. I don't get too queefy on you, but I see the little boy, and then I see my dad, and I see mannerisms that I do that they both do.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

So now I got two generations that I'm. I'm like. What's the word? I'm, like, replicating. Yeah. I see my dad do a thing with his hand. I'm like, oh, shit. I do that. And I see the boy do a thing with his song, and I'm like.

[Tom Segura]

I do that same thing. Yeah, I see it, too. It's very strange.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And one is, like, for me. One is so much more like me.

[Mark Norman]

Oh, really?

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

There's two boys.

[Tom Segura]

Two boys.

[Mark Norman]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. One of them is like. I mean, he looks like me. He does, like, so many of. Like, it's so funny. Like, he's a kid, and he's like, I sleep in boxers. And he's like, since he's four, he takes his shirt off and he gets in his little shorts and he gets it. And he does, like, that, like, puts his hand, like, all the stuff that I did.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And do. And my dad did say the kid also sleeps with an eye mask, which I'm like, what the. Whoa. He's like. He's like, I can't have any light. Which is exactly how I am.

[Mark Norman]

Wow. Diva.

[Tom Segura]

And little. And all the, like, you said, little gestures.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And then when he, like, snaps at something, like, he's like, oh, for sake. Like, Christina will look at me and she'll be like, that's you.

[Mark Norman]

Whoa. So do you like him more or like him less because he's like you?

[Tom Segura]

I guess I. I don't want my.

[Mark Norman]

Kid to be like me at all.

[Tom Segura]

No, I mean, it's. It entertains you in a way. And then what you see, sometimes I think that is, like, the real mind is they're displaying one of your behaviors. That is not flattering. You know?

[Mark Norman]

Right.

[Tom Segura]

And then I go, oh, that's what I do. And that's not great.

[Mark Norman]

He's jerking off at a playground. You're like, that's me. God damn it.

[Tom Segura]

God damn it. I gotta rein that in.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, yeah. But, you know, I heard Bill Burr say years ago, he was like, I wish I did this 10 years earlier. Yeah. By having kids. And that. That, like, really got in my head because, you know, we, like, we're comics. We like to prolong everything. We got the Peter Pan thing.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah. But I get that because sometimes you go like, oh, if I had done it with, like, some of our friends have kids, like, right out of college or whatever.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. That's brutal.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. And I'm like, well, right now? Yeah. The kid would be in his 20s.

[Mark Norman]

Like.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. But I wouldn't have been able to do anything that I did.

[Mark Norman]

Exactly. Exactly.

[Tom Segura]

Now I'll be kind of an older dad, I guess. I don't know.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, that's a little scary. But they're not that old. Not that old. And I think people are living longer.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

You know, Tom Cruise is still hanging on a plane.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. He's 62. Come on. Yeah, we're fine.

[Mark Norman]

We're fine.

[Tom Segura]

I've always wanted to ask you, who do you like more, Joe List or Samuel?

[Mark Norman]

I get this a lot, actually.

[Tom Segura]

Do you really?

[Mark Norman]

I get this all the time. I'll do, like, a Q and A after show, and that question comes up all the time. Well, there, you know, Sam's Jewish, so that takes him down a peg for sure. But Joe's got herpes now. I don't know. They're both great in different ways. Sam is like. I started writing jokes with him right when I started comedy. We did open mics together.

[Tom Segura]

And would you guys actually write together?

[Mark Norman]

Oh, yeah, all the time. We had writing sessions.

[Tom Segura]

No.

[Mark Norman]

Couple of nerds. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And then like. Like, try one. Hey, what do you think of this?

[Mark Norman]

All the time. All the time. We. If you watch my specials, some of them, like, that's the Sam line. That's the same line he gave me. And then if you watch his. I'm like, I gave him that line. I gave him that line. So there's a lot of joke love, a lot of comedy love, and coming up together is always fun.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

But then. And we drink. We. He's like my drinking guy. Joe got sober.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, right.

[Mark Norman]

But then me and Joe have this weird gay connection with this crazy rapport, and so, I don't know. It's. It's tough. I. It's Hard to say.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, No, I get it. I mean, it's cool that you get to do podcasts with both, because you get Tuesdays. Tuesdays with stories. Yeah, the stories. And then you get. We Might be drunk.

[Mark Norman]

Exactly.

[Tom Segura]

Appropriate titles for both.

[Mark Norman]

And, you know, we get so busy. You know, you got kids, you got the career, you got a TV show. You're all over the place. So, like, now to hang out with your friends, you almost have to monetize it.

[Tom Segura]

I know.

[Mark Norman]

You have to make it like a. A podcast just to, like, get some hang time.

[Tom Segura]

That's a hundred percent. And something you would never predict, right? Like. Yeah, because every time I'm like, if I'm home and someone's like, hey, let's just hang out, I'm like, I can't hang out, dude.

[Mark Norman]

I can't hang out.

[Tom Segura]

I just got home.

[Mark Norman]

Exactly. My wife's like, you never come home. And I'm like, we should do a pod.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

That's what you did. That's what I did. That's smart.

[Tom Segura]

So you get to see your wife, actually, no joke. That is sometimes, like, the most time we'll spend together in a week.

[Mark Norman]

That's what I'm saying.

[Tom Segura]

Because, like, you land, right, and you're like, all right, we got to go do it.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

We actually hang out for a couple hours here, and you leave, and you're like, we got 20 things to do.

[Mark Norman]

It's sad, but true. Yeah, but. But at least you can monetize this. Now you're getting paid to hang out with your wife, which, you know, that's how it should be.

[Tom Segura]

That's how it should be.

[Mark Norman]

Damn it.

[Tom Segura]

God damn, lady. Did you see Tim's CNN interview?

[Mark Norman]

Oh, I loved it.

[Tom Segura]

It was great.

[Mark Norman]

Jerking off to that thing. It was amazing. That lady, it. She seemed very nice, but the. How clueless she is is so funny to me.

[Tom Segura]

And that. That's who represents one of the biggest news networks in this, you know, in this situation. I know this is the representative of one of the largest news organizations in the world.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

It's like, not up. Which kind of speaks, I think, to, like, the State of Journalism 100. Because you'll see a lot of times people, if you pay attention, ask questions now, and you're like, do you have any idea what you're actually even asking about at all?

[Mark Norman]

I mean, you ever watch those man on the street videos where a guy will go to a university and be like, what do you think of Hamas? And they're like, oh, they. They. That's A cool group.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

You know, I love their podcast or whatever. And you're like, wow, you're out to lunch.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

But, yeah, the CNN interview was like, a great comedy moment for all of us. I feel like that was a win for us.

[Tom Segura]

I thought so, too. He was really good in it, dude.

[Mark Norman]

I would have been like, are you fucking nuts, you crazy broad? What are you nuts? You know? But he was like, he's. He's a sassy, fat gay. And he kept it. He kept it. He kept it down. I was impressed. He was. Kept it classy.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. He was really, like, articulate. And his stream of consciousness was, like, very clear, not disrupted. Like, he just kind of rolled with it so.

[Mark Norman]

Well, he rolled with it and he always had an answer. You know, Sometimes you're like, ah, well, hold on. That's not true. Wait a minute. He was like, what about this comedian? This could be. He had a list of everything. He was. He was on it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, he. He was really good for. I mean, he. It's funny because he's. You know, he could be so ridiculous on this show, but, like, he really is a super smart guy.

[Mark Norman]

I mean, very smart guy. He's got great takes. He's very. He's thinking about everything all the time. You know, he's an ex cokehead.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

So now without the coke. This is his. Like, this is. Drug is the culture.

[Tom Segura]

I laugh so hard when I think about that. I think he used to sell mortgages.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And I'm like, you had to have been an animal.

[Mark Norman]

Oh, my God.

[Tom Segura]

I can only imagine the false confidence I would have if he told me, like, you should get this loan. I'd be like, really? And, yeah, he'd go on one of his little rants and I'd be like, I. I think I should too.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. The amount of old people he screwed over is terrifying.

[Tom Segura]

People probably every once in a while go on YouTube, like, that's the guy that bankrupted me. Like, that's why I left my house and my kids didn't go to college just because of that guy.

[Mark Norman]

Exactly. You ruined more lives than Covid in a nursing home. But, yeah, yeah, it's. He's a. He's a brilliant dude and a funny comedian. And it's funny how many people don't get him. Like, sometimes you'll watch his podcast. You're like, that's hilarious. And they're like, this guy's crazy. He's wearing a Muslim outfit and shouting to Allah. You're like, he's joking.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. It's A joke.

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[Tom Segura]

You'll never win anybody over completely.

[Mark Norman]

I know.

[Tom Segura]

Like, people just watch it and they're just, everything is ranting and raving, screaming at something they don't get.

[Mark Norman]

I know, I gotta get over that. I'm like 20 years into comedy or whatever and I still read a comment where somebody's like, is this supposed to be funny? And I'll just write, yes. Yeah, like, that's why I posted it. I'm a comedian. It's getting laughs in the room. Like, yeah, it's supposed to be funny, but I'm like mad at this person. What, am I engaging?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, no, I think I graduated from that.

[Mark Norman]

Good for you.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I think I did for a long time too.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And then it's also so much more pleasant not to Engage.

[Mark Norman]

I know, I know.

[Tom Segura]

Like, I get. Don't get it worked up.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You just see it and you just kind of go, it's whatever.

[Mark Norman]

What's the trick?

[Tom Segura]

I mean, I think it's just, like, you're getting to a point where once you do stand up long enough. Right. You have a certain level of exposure. You fully accept. I'll never, like. Not everyone's ever going to like you.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Ever.

[Mark Norman]

Sure.

[Tom Segura]

Like, not everyone likes whoever you want. Chris Rock, Seinfeld.

[Mark Norman]

That's true.

[Tom Segura]

Like, there's people who go, like, I hate this person. I. I hate what they're saying. They're not funny. So you're like, well, if, like, the. The top of the food chain gets that, you know, the rest of us have to get it too.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And like, I'm going, are those guys engaging with people who go, no, of course not. And then I think you just start to, like, process that and you're like, oh, yeah, I'm never gonna win everybody over.

[Mark Norman]

You know, they never go, good point. You got me there.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. So I just go, I'll post the thing, and if someone doesn't like it, I just go, yeah, cool. I'm fine with that.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. Neil Brennan had that great joke where he said, if you look at Beethoven's Fifth Symphony or whatever the famous one is, the first comment is gay. And you're like, well, there you go. It's like this beautiful piece of music that's lasted for centuries.

[Tom Segura]

Like, this is gay.

[Mark Norman]

Exactly. So that's all you need to know, folks.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. You can't. You can't. It's a time suck. It's an energy.

[Mark Norman]

It is. It is. Yeah. And. And it's not. The. The people who like it aren't writing.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

You know, they'll. Maybe you'll get like a haha or funny, but the. The bad outweighs the good.

[Tom Segura]

Right. And people who love things that you do are never going to spend as much time as someone who doesn't love it. Yeah, never.

[Mark Norman]

That's true. And. But.

[Tom Segura]

And also, this is the other one. Who, like, how would you think. How do you think a person's life is going? Who spends time going, do you think it's somebody who has, like, a lot of shit going on?

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And who's doing well?

[Mark Norman]

Good point.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, it's crazy.

[Mark Norman]

It's crazy.

[Tom Segura]

It is, like, separate from the world, the real world, though.

[Mark Norman]

I know. I gotta. I gotta move on. Because, like, you know, imagine if, like, a politician read all that shit. They would be like, I can't run anymore. No, this guy's gonna kill me.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God. Can you imagine if somebody actually digested the hate at, like, the presidential level?

[Mark Norman]

Oh, my God.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, that would be. You'd be suicidal.

[Mark Norman]

Suicide. I mean, type in Obama and slurs on Twitter and it just. Never ending.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

It's wild.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Or like, Trump, too. I'm sure.

[Mark Norman]

Sure.

[Tom Segura]

He just, you know, he tells them, tell me good. Good news.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Right. So they report like, oh, yeah, this person loves you. Or people are saying, you did great. And he's like, that's cool. Great.

[Mark Norman]

Wow.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, they. They're definitely not telling him, you know, the bad stuff. Yeah. Which is like. It's a. It's a. It's. It's like his own self, like, induced therapy.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

He's just like, tell me some great shit. People are saying.

[Mark Norman]

And there's probably a lot of delusion there, but he's seems happy, seems to be still thriving. Yes, Trump.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, one of the craziest things that, like, it became normal to us, but it's fully insane.

[Mark Norman]

Completely.

[Tom Segura]

Is that when he became president on the last time, he's like, I'm doing a rally this week. And you're like, you're already the president.

[Mark Norman]

Oh, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Because those rallies were just, like, positive vibes, only ego boost. Yeah. And then he would leave there, like, that was awesome.

[Mark Norman]

Right.

[Tom Segura]

That's just to feel good.

[Mark Norman]

And he could be so hypocritical. Like, I'm sure if Biden accepted a plane from Saudi Arabia, he'd be like, well, that's crazy. But when he gets one, he's like, that's what you do. This is business. It's a plane. I'm not gonna give a. What am I gonna do?

[Tom Segura]

Not fly.

[Mark Norman]

Exactly.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Mark Norman]

By the way, getting a plane from the Middle east is crazy. That's like getting a train from Auschwitz, you know? Like, they're. They're the ones giving us the plane. We've got a little history there. I mean, a bat from China.

[Tom Segura]

And then it's like the. He's like, I'm gonna take this plane. And they're like, are you gonna keep it for your personal use? He's like, no. Which, you know, that is gonna be like. He'll leave office and be like, I decided to use the plane.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. Off. He's gonna use it as a car. He'll just drive the plane around.

[Tom Segura]

Definitely. They're like, it'll go to his presidential library. Like, huh?

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. No, it's all. There's A lot of grifting done at that level.

[Mark Norman]

Oh, yeah. Big. It's everybody. I know Trump gets the for grifting, which he is. But like, Pelosi's grifting, everybody's grifting high level politicians.

[Tom Segura]

It's about enriching themselves and their friends.

[Mark Norman]

Exactly. And we all do this left and right thing, but they're all crooks in a suit.

[Tom Segura]

I can't believe anybody actually ever buys into, you know, this person. What they're most interested in is just helping the American people. And you're like, you buy that for real?

[Mark Norman]

I know.

[Tom Segura]

Are you that dumb?

[Mark Norman]

And they do. They give a speech and then they show on YouTube a speech a year later and they're saying the exact opposite thing. And you're like, what are we doing here?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Like some people bought into Elon, bought X to champion free speech. And like, that's what you believe. You think that he's just like a free speech advocate.

[Mark Norman]

Right.

[Tom Segura]

That spent $44 billion in the name of free speech. And they're like, yay. Okay, cool.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, it's all silly. I try to avoid a lot of it, but it's so in the culture, it's hard to avoid.

[Tom Segura]

It is. It is. So as a. How long have you been in New York now? Is it 20 years?

[Mark Norman]

2008, 2007? So we're getting there.

[Tom Segura]

Getting there.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, it's. It's a tough road, but we're finally. I finally beat New York. It's like a video game. I finally beat it on hard.

[Tom Segura]

You did like the shit box shit bug.

[Mark Norman]

I got mugged, I got bedbugs. I got, you know, broke and open mics. Open mics were the hardest out of all those. You know, I had a landlord die of aids. I had just a crazy.

[Tom Segura]

Open mics was the hardest of all those.

[Mark Norman]

Well, just like trying to have a day job, then do open mics and you're eating every night and then running around the city and getting lost and having no money. It was. It was pretty brutal. Horrible. Horrible. Just, you know, the amount of apartments I lived in, apartments with comics who have since quit.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

You know, there's a lot of that.

[Tom Segura]

That's a big thing where I've, like, talked to other people and I go, you know, one of the things about, like, having any chance in this career is, like, sticking to it. You know what I mean? Like.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Like, when the years go by, sometimes we sit around and we like, remember this person and that person.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And they just kind of fade away. And you're like, well, who's. Who has done well? And you're like, well, some of the people who's done well just were the ones that, like, kept doing it.

[Mark Norman]

Right.

[Tom Segura]

Their tolerance for pain, essentially.

[Mark Norman]

That's what it is. It's pain. But I think a big part of it is like, having a low bar. Like, I. When I got into this, I was like, if I can just not have a day job. Yeah, I've made it.

[Tom Segura]

Totally.

[Mark Norman]

But everybody wants this viral, you know, they want to be Matt Rife. And you're like, just be a comic.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

If you really like it, just, you'll be happy with just doing clubs for the rest of your life.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. We had no. Like, when I was starting, there was. Thank God there was no reference for, like, get this clip up and going.

[Mark Norman]

I know.

[Tom Segura]

We didn't have any of that. It was really. I got so in on the club system. And when I had seen, like, I worked with some people that sold out a weekend.

[Mark Norman]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

I was like, that's the craziest thing I've ever heard. Crazy that six shows had 300 people sold out.

[Mark Norman]

Exactly.

[Tom Segura]

That was just, to me, like, that's the mountaintop.

[Mark Norman]

Right. Same, same. Adding a show was insane. Or how about when you do a gig and they're like, you do a gig a year later and the guy's like, I came back. I'm a fan.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

Whoa. You came back. You saw me on the poster and said, I'm going to that.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

That's crazy.

[Tom Segura]

That's. That to me was like, that was. Yeah, it's like, it's too. They're getting too distracted.

[Mark Norman]

Agreed.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

It's. It's a blessing and a curse because you have the Internet. You can just put it all out there. You can expose yourself, get a ton of fans. But also, anonymity is a gift. Get. Get good in the shadows first. But they. They want it too quick.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. I think that, like, because I get it. Because, you know, if you put up a clip of your stand up, it could be the thing that gets people to know who you are.

[Mark Norman]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

But not if it's not a good clip. You know what I mean? Like, putting that clip up in your first year, like, there's people who are like, I just did stand up. Here's the clip. You're like, this is terrible.

[Mark Norman]

Terrible.

[Tom Segura]

Like, take this down. You don't want to share this. I know, but how will people know who I am? You're like, well, they shouldn't know who you are.

[Mark Norman]

They shouldn't yeah, but it, you know, we were impatient, too. We just didn't have the outlet.

[Tom Segura]

We didn't have the. I know. We would have done it.

[Mark Norman]

We would have done it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. But it is something you can look at, I think clearly, and go like, oh, wait to do that.

[Mark Norman]

Right, right, Exactly. Yeah. Because comedy takes. You wouldn't put a guitar clip of you, like, the first week. You know, you're like. You're all out of tune. Yeah. But with comedy, you just do it. Because that allure of going viral is the clicks.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. And, like, there's this thing, too. You have these. You're kind of, like, thrown. You don't realize it. But, like, when you're really new and you say something and it gets a laugh, you're like, oh, I'm getting laughs.

[Mark Norman]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

But that's not. Those aren't. It's not what you think it is.

[Mark Norman]

I know, I know. But it. It is tempting to. It's very tempting to go viral.

[Tom Segura]

You should wait. You should definitely wait.

[Mark Norman]

You should wait. But it. It. I think the unknownness of, like, will I make it?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. What's going to happen in the future? How long till I make it? I'm so poor right now. I need money. So I think. Yeah, it's. It's too tempting.

[Tom Segura]

It is too tempting. And then all. I think a lot of those people, especially the ones who stick to it, are Gonna, you know, 10 years from now be like, I cannot believe I posted this.

[Mark Norman]

I know.

[Tom Segura]

Like, I see old, too, where I'm like. Like, I just see a clip and I'm like, I cannot believe that's out there.

[Mark Norman]

And even that clip was you. That was like, you working hard at that bit.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

Probably wasn't just the first time you did. No.

[Tom Segura]

It's like a TV clip.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

This.

[Mark Norman]

Terrible. But you ever see old, like, young comics talking and they're. It's all numerical. It's all like, hey, did you Hear Bob got 300 retweets? Or this guy got 9 million followers or whatever. It's all just views, followers, clicks, shares. It's not like that's the measure. Yeah. It's not like this guy's got a great bit or she's. She killed it last night. It's just like numbers, Internet numbers.

[Tom Segura]

That's not good.

[Mark Norman]

It's sad. It's depressing, but I think it's just the way it is now.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. That is really. Oh, my God. Can you imagine how much Bert would have posted?

[Mark Norman]

Oh, God, I know. Geez. That would Be scary. You've toured with him many times. I love him. I mean, we go way back, and he took me to Europe when I had nothing. He. I did Fully Loaded most. Pretty much every year. Yeah. I'm. I'm on the. I'm on the bus.

[Tom Segura]

Did you. What. What's like the. Did you ever have. I'm assuming you've had Crate, like, long nights with him, right?

[Mark Norman]

Oh, my God. So many nights in Europe were wild. We went to a strip club in Copenhagen, I think, called the Waterloo. And he's getting a lap dance. FaceTiming Leanne. And you're like, this is crazy. I mean, he came to my bachelor party. That was insane. The Fully Loaded nights. And he's one of those guys will get drunk at the show and then be like, we're going to the bar. And he'll be like, after party at this bar, we're going somewhere else, right? He's like, no, no, we're going there.

[Tom Segura]

That, to me, was always the mark of lunacy with that guy, was when he, like, started to, like, really sell tickets. And then I'd see a video, and I was like, what's going on in that bar? He's like, oh, at the end of my show, I told everyone, let's go to this bar. I'm like, you told the show? Yes, to go to the bar?

[Mark Norman]

That's insane.

[Tom Segura]

It's insane.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

But he's like, yeah, I stayed there till, like, three in the morning, and I, you know, bought shots for. I'm like, you're crazy.

[Mark Norman]

And he likes it. It's not like he loves it. Oh, I gotta do this for my fans. He's like, no, let's get in there.

[Tom Segura]

I remember this. So like, describes his personality. When we went one time, Joe had sent us, like, we did a. I think it was the weight loss contest or something. And they're like, what do you want to go to? It was like, I'll send you, like, a sporting event, right? So I was like, okay, let's go see the Warriors Cavs play San Francisco.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

So he sent us up there. Like, that was like our. Our reward, right? Yeah, like, so he sent us up there, and it's just me and him. We fly to San Francisco, stay in the hotel, and we go to the game. It's fun game. It was like LeBron, Steph, you know, back. It was a fun game to watch. And then we're back at the hotel. He's like, all right, we. We found, like, a rooftop balcony or something. And we're Smoking cigars, having a couple drinks, and then he's like. I go, all right, well, I'm gonna go to bed. And he was like, why? I go, I don't know. I mean, it's whatever. It's midnight or one or something. He's like, but don't you want to, like, just keep this feeling going?

[Mark Norman]

Oh, boy.

[Tom Segura]

What? He's like, you know, I mean, like, that whole, like. Like there's, like, that buzz.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And he. He describes it in such a, like, romantic way.

[Mark Norman]

Sure.

[Tom Segura]

I was like. I go, no. I was thinking about going to sleep. He was like, no, stay. Stay.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I'm like, all right, so I stay, like, a little while longer. And I'm like, how about now? He's like, let's just. Let's just stay here. I'm like, do you want to just live on the roof?

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. And you're like, go see your children. You have never talked about your daughters this way, Bert.

[Tom Segura]

I just was like, I. I go. To me, I'm like, everything is just based on being tired. I'm like, aren't you just tired?

[Mark Norman]

He's like, no, he isn't. That's why he has to tour with, like, younger people.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

Because they can keep up with him. The guy's athletic. I mean, we went. We would do ski trips every. Every year, and he would. He'd be like, I'm going to snowboard today. And we're like, oh, wow. And then he would snowboard better than us. And then he'd be like, I'm going to ski today. It's crazy.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

And he's, like, drinking a beer on the slopes and then bam. Out there.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. He has, like, really great body control. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mark Norman]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

Crazy hand eye coordination.

[Mark Norman]

He'll skid off on the. On the snow and then take a photo with a guy and then go back out there.

[Tom Segura]

It's.

[Mark Norman]

It's crazy. It's going to be sad when he's gone.

[Tom Segura]

How soon? What's your. What's your bet?

[Mark Norman]

I don't know. I mean, I. I don't want to spill the. The tea here, but every time I've been to his house, I. I can't help but notice the amount of pill bottles next to his bed. It's like 38 of those orange pill bottles. And you're like, is all that for your liver? What. What is that?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, he's. I also feel like he might be one of those just guys. They're like, can you believe it, 96.

[Mark Norman]

I know, I know. Nor McDonald's out, but Bert, still cruising, bro.

[Tom Segura]

I remember like, too, because we always. You forget how much, like, there's, we all know how, how to take care of ourselves, but, like, the biggest factor is still your genetics. It's still your genetics.

[Mark Norman]

So true.

[Tom Segura]

And I know a friend of mine's granddad was like, smoked, drank red meat, just party like he was in his 90s.

[Mark Norman]

Hey, there you go.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, just fine.

[Mark Norman]

That's why black people, you're like your friends eating fried chicken and drinking grape drink. And you're like, you're going to live longer than me. And you're like, you got a six pack. You know, it's crazy.

[Tom Segura]

Ridiculous. Are you still doing the push ups every day?

[Mark Norman]

Every day. I did them today. I'm, I'm hungover, I'm gay, and I still, I got to do them. It's a guilt thing.

[Tom Segura]

How many?

[Mark Norman]

I'm up to a good. I do, I do different. I do the diamond, then I do the, the arm lift. So I'm up to like, I don't know, 85.

[Tom Segura]

Well, and then pull ups, too.

[Mark Norman]

Pull ups too, but those are harder to find because you need the bar.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, but you can bang out some pull ups, right?

[Mark Norman]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I think it's the best exercise.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

Good for the back, the arms, the core.

[Tom Segura]

How many pull ups are we, Are we doing well?

[Mark Norman]

I hurt my shoulder. I tore my cuff.

[Tom Segura]

You tore it?

[Mark Norman]

I tore my rotator or whatever. I don't know if I tore it, but it hurts and it clicks when I do this. It just keeps clicking. So I think something's wrong. But I can get up to 35.

[Tom Segura]

Now in a row?

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, I do. I do 15, then I hang, and then I go back up for another 10. And then another 10, bro. Hey, you know, I listen to Jocko Willinek and I get hard and I just start going.

[Tom Segura]

That's impressive, Mark.

[Mark Norman]

For real. I'm trying to kill David Goggins. Yeah. Suck it, Goggy.

[Tom Segura]

Do you run, too?

[Mark Norman]

Nah, I don't really run, but I walk, you know, I live in New York, so it's all walking.

[Tom Segura]

Do you still love the city?

[Mark Norman]

I do. I, I, I, I live out in Brooklyn now. I got a backyard. I got the baby, so I feel like I, I conquered it, but it's hell. Don't, don't get me wrong, it's a hellish piece of you.

[Tom Segura]

Do you ever see yourself leaving New York? You think it'll be a lifelong New.

[Mark Norman]

Yorker now maybe I'll leave because the taxes Are banana. Like, she. He's like, I'm saving this much. You're like, oh, God, what am I doing? But I just. I. I'm from New Orleans, so, like, I grew up in this kind of slow, hot, humid. Just kind of molasses. I do declare. Yeah. You're drinking a mint julep and a seersucker and have a slave. But I think I. I can't do that anymore. I can't go back.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

You ever go on the road and you're in some small town, you're like, I'm dying here.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, of course.

[Mark Norman]

So I need the opposite of that.

[Tom Segura]

So you have to be in a big city.

[Mark Norman]

I do. I do. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And is your lady love New York, too?

[Mark Norman]

She loves it. She loves it.

[Tom Segura]

So from there.

[Mark Norman]

She's from Cape Cod.

[Tom Segura]

Oh.

[Mark Norman]

So she. She just. She grew up in the burbs, so she's like, that shit freaks me out. The burbs are weird because we. Everybody's like, the city. There's a guy jerking off, there's heroin. But the burbs, I feel like I was like. And weird art teachers.

[Tom Segura]

I have to. I figured out, like, just having lived in so many places and even vacationing in places you go, I can be in, like, a peaceful, tranquil area, but I have to have easy access to a city. In other words.

[Mark Norman]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

I can't be, like, six hours from a big city.

[Mark Norman]

No.

[Tom Segura]

I need to be like. Like, it's easy to get to.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Because I also feel out of my mind in a. Like, a small town.

[Mark Norman]

Totally. Those guys who live out in these. These crazy towns in, like, Minnesota.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

And they have to, like, go in for groceries one day and get all their shopping done and come back. I. I would. I would go stir crazy.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I would, too. I like. Like, even. I think it's a fantasy of, like, you know, like the Pacific Northwest.

[Mark Norman]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

Like, you know, Idaho.

[Mark Norman]

Right.

[Tom Segura]

Kind of. Yeah. Yeah. Where you go. That's awesome. But then I'm like. I feel like I would in. Within a week, I'd be like, all.

[Mark Norman]

Right, we gotta completely give me a Starbucks.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

Because we all fantasize about that. But you still have your thoughts. Like, even you go to Hawaii, you still got your shitty, evil brain up here while you're on that beach chair. And that's the hard part for me.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Your brain telling you.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. The city, like, calms that down.

[Tom Segura]

Isn't that weird?

[Mark Norman]

It's weird. It's.

[Tom Segura]

It's like this loud, crazy place. Makes you feel relaxed.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. Well, I listen, I go to bed with a podcast. I can't have the silence. The silence is worse. So I just need some.

[Tom Segura]

You listen to a podcast.

[Mark Norman]

I just put a podcast on, or I put an earbud in and I.

[Tom Segura]

Go to bed, and then it's just how. Like, very low volume.

[Mark Norman]

Very low volume. And I go, oh, that's interesting. And I start kind of fading out. But if it. If it's no podcast, it's just like a Japanese game show going on.

[Tom Segura]

Really?

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. It's my childhood. And every stupid thing I said, every mistake I made, every bomb. Oh, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

That, to me, feels like, you shouldn't smoke weed.

[Mark Norman]

I don't smoke weed.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Mark Norman]

I don't touch it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. That, to me, feels like. Like what you're describing would be exacerbated by weed.

[Mark Norman]

100.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

Do you do the weed?

[Tom Segura]

Sometimes I do edibles, but I do mild, like, low doses. None of this 100 milligram. No. Like 5, 10. Where it's, like, comfort. But anything more than that starts to get into, like, paranoia.

[Mark Norman]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

And anxiety.

[Mark Norman]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

And I'm a bad person, and. Yeah. I don't want to do that.

[Mark Norman]

These guys who wake and bake, I'm like, are you nuts? You're starting your day with that. That's crazy.

[Tom Segura]

Now what I really want is some more Vyvanse.

[Mark Norman]

Oh, who's holding.

[Tom Segura]

Psychiatrists?

[Mark Norman]

Is that the. That's like an Adderall. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's good stuff.

[Tom Segura]

That's. What fun. That, to me, has the best results.

[Mark Norman]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

Like. Like focus. Like, you have tasks.

[Mark Norman]

Oh, yeah. And you get why Mulaney's so funny. You're like, that works.

[Tom Segura]

Is that his favorite? Is that his.

[Mark Norman]

Well, I think a lot of guys do the Adderall, then they get to the. You. You coke it up after you work your way up to coke.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, well, I got that to look forward to.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. I mean, imagine what you'll. You'll get so much done. You're quite the entrepreneur. You got the book, the TV show, the booze, the pod, the standup. If you do coke, man, take over the world, you're gonna be elon.

[Tom Segura]

Hey, you guys, give me some coke. Look at them. Right away, they're like, I'm holding.

[Mark Norman]

That's Austin. There's tons of coke here.

[Tom Segura]

There's a lot of coke here. What is your take on Austin?

[Mark Norman]

I think it's like if. La. Nashville.

[Tom Segura]

Right.

[Mark Norman]

You know, it's like. It's. It's got it. You can feel it in the air. Like, we all went out drinking the other night and it feels like LA felt in the 90s, you know, it's like, hot girls and there's, like, potential and hope and industry. But I do think it gets a little Groundhog Day out here, you know? Know, you're at the mothership, then you do a pod, then you get drunk, then you have a taco, then you're at the mothership, then you do a pod, then you get drunk, you have a taco. So I. I can't. I could never live here.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

Love to visit.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Well, I leave a lot.

[Mark Norman]

There you go.

[Tom Segura]

I think. Yeah. I like living here, you know, family's happy. It's a. It's a really great place to have kids and everything, but. Yeah. When you want, you know, something else. Yeah. It's just. The nice thing is I'm like, all right, cool. Flying to L. A. I'm flying to New York. Flying Chicago. Go see something else.

[Mark Norman]

That is nice. Yeah. That's the beauty of our job, you know? Like, we can just get the fuck out. I love escaping.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

You know, people like you go on a Poughkeepsie. That sucks. I'm like, I get to wake up at a hotel.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

And go to a diner with a. With a headphone in.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

That's heaven.

[Tom Segura]

Diners are my dream.

[Mark Norman]

Me too.

[Tom Segura]

I love diners.

[Mark Norman]

Love diner.

[Tom Segura]

Now.

[Mark Norman]

Diners are all shitty now because they're all. $8 million. You're like 88 bucks.

[Tom Segura]

I know.

[Mark Norman]

How'd that happen?

[Tom Segura]

Four bucks for eggs and bacon.

[Mark Norman]

It's supposed to be me and a couple blue collar guys and one hobo sipping a coffee for eight hours and eggs, hash browns and $11.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that. That is the whole thing.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. And now they have these diner. Like, in New York, they have these diners, but they're like. It's like a. I identify as a diner, you know, it's like a nice restaurant, but they have the old seats and the vinyl. But it's a million bucks.

[Tom Segura]

Is it true, by the way, that. Did you work as a janitor?

[Mark Norman]

I did for years.

[Tom Segura]

For years.

[Mark Norman]

Two years. Best job I ever had. No, well, that's not true. But it was like, headphones in. You do your job, you mop, you clean this, you stock that.

[Tom Segura]

And what type of place were you doing this at?

[Mark Norman]

A high rise in Manhattan, so like a hedge fund place or whatever. And these guys would rent out offices, so I had these a couple floors they called a porter. That's like the African American of Janitor. But, you know, you took deliveries out every now and then. You cleaned a big old miscarriage in the bowl. That was a bummer. But, you know, like, you have, like.

[Tom Segura]

A uniform, like a one.

[Mark Norman]

No. No T shirt and jeans. But you had to mop and you had to stock everything and clean like a lady. Be like, hey, I have. My desk fell apart. Can you fix it? And I know how to do anything, so I'd just be like, yeah, sure. And I'd be in there with a screwdriver and, like, fuse box. I had to learn about that. It was crazy.

[Tom Segura]

And this was a. You could. Ideal because you had daytime hours and then you could.

[Mark Norman]

Exactly. I would write in the boiler room, like Goodwill hunting. And it was. It was a great gig.

[Tom Segura]

You ever keep up with anybody from then? No. And have you? If you never run into someone who was like, hey, you used to, like, clean.

[Mark Norman]

No, because these are like hedge fund guys. That's not my world.

[Tom Segura]

Right.

[Mark Norman]

It was me and this other Mexican guy and he. I taught him how to do everything. He was like. He taught me how to fix shit. And I taught him how to, like, get a bank account and, you know, buy a cell phone and stuff. Yeah, it's like a. It's like a weird movie, you know, like a feel good movie. He's like, yo, essay. You got a. You got a chase account? Show me. So I would, like, go in there with him.

[Tom Segura]

That's hilarious. Yeah. You shouldn't just keep it in your jacket. Yeah, you should put it somewhere.

[Mark Norman]

Exactly. So we learned a lot. He's. He's gone now. Deported.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, nice. Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

You know, sweet man. Esteban.

[Tom Segura]

Esteban.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Esteban, if you're out there, don't come back.

[Mark Norman]

But that's the key, is those. Those labor job. Move furniture. I worked as a gopher on a construction site. That was hell. And a janitor was easy. It's air conditioning. Not bad. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I was trying to go through, like, all the gigs I had.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. What did you do? I can't imagine you getting dirty.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah. Well, the first. All right. The first gig was paing.

[Mark Norman]

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

On shows.

[Mark Norman]

That's a good gig.

[Tom Segura]

That's a good gig. Can. It can break your back on, like, you know, I mean, like, it's summer and. Yeah, you're just like carrying cables and they're running, going. I mean, you're just, like, spent at the end of that. Then I did some other post production stuff, so I was like, post coordinator. I went to the story department and then I Did law. I did logging. I had to log the tapes.

[Mark Norman]

I didn't know you were, you were this immersed in like the studio world.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that was like. So there was a lot of that. I did a pizza place.

[Mark Norman]

Now we're talking.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Off Riverside Drive in the Valley.

[Mark Norman]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

Then I did another pizza slash counter service restaurant place in LA on Sunset. That was another gig I had then I was a site rep, which is. A site rep is like if, you know, you own your house and you call this company and you go, productions can shoot at my house. Like, I, I want to rent out my house.

[Mark Norman]

Oh yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Well, when somebody books it and they go, all right, you're shooting at Mark's house. I have to represent, basically you. So I go there and I'm like, hey, this is the guy's rules for his house. Like, whoa. You can put up this stuff, but you can't nail it to the wall.

[Mark Norman]

Right.

[Tom Segura]

You have to use tape. You kind of like are babysitting a. Because the productions don't care.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You'll literally be like, just make sure nothing goes on this wall. And they're like, got it. And you walk over here and you. Someone goes. They just like nail into the wall.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, it's.

[Tom Segura]

It's a. It's like you're babysitting productions.

[Mark Norman]

So did you work any freak offs? Any big house fun, fun stories? I mean, porno.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, no, I wish I did. You know, in LA in that time I had like porn neighbors.

[Mark Norman]

Oh, fun.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Taylor Rain was my neighbor.

[Mark Norman]

Taylor Rain.

[Tom Segura]

I'm sure that she's.

[Mark Norman]

Pull her up.

[Tom Segura]

She was my next door neighbor. If you're listening, Taylor, I wish we would have gotten together. Yeah, we lived at.

[Mark Norman]

Oh, hey, look at that.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

Hey, she's cute. Oh, yeah, I've seen her. I've seen her with jizz on her forehead.

[Tom Segura]

That's her. Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

Don't you, don't you meet a porn star and you're like, why aren't you blowing me? What are we doing here? It's kind of like when you, whenever you meet a person there and you're like, you're a comic. You're not that funny.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mark Norman]

I feel that way with porn stars. I'm like, why are you not licking my ass? Like you're a porn star.

[Tom Segura]

It's so true. Well, I, of course, you know, I recognize her.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. Oh, good for you.

[Tom Segura]

And I get like, kind of nervous. Right.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, of course.

[Tom Segura]

I'm also 22, 23.

[Mark Norman]

Primo porn age.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. And I'm Like, I'm like, holy, that's Taylor Rain. And I remember one day we're both parking in the parking garage. She wasn't very like, it wasn't outgoing.

[Mark Norman]

Sure.

[Tom Segura]

She wasn't like, hi.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

It wasn't like that. Right. So, you know, you're in this Hollywood apartment complex and one day I park and she parks and they kind of had this like, I want. I say security. It was just like a guy.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Jacket. And he was like, I'm putting like, you know, getting stuff out of my car. She's getting stuff out of her car and we're going towards the elevator. And the guy who like, basically he does laps around the parking garage to make sure no one's car is getting broken into, I guess something like that.

[Mark Norman]

Nice.

[Tom Segura]

So he's like, hey, I want to be in the movies.

[Mark Norman]

Oh, boy.

[Tom Segura]

And like, I'm like listening. And she's like, oh, yeah. He's like, yeah, I can, like, I can go for hours. She's like, well, you got to be able to do it with like cameras and lights. And he's like, hook me up. You know, like, hook me up. Let me. She's like, yeah, okay, sure. Like, write your number down. I. I'll pass it on to someone.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

He was like, well, maybe we could practice, you know, like, yeah, this is not going to work out for you. B. But then like, sometimes you would see her in the elevator or walk down the hall with like other porn people. Like, they would hang out together, you know, like, that was like there. And she was a big weed smoker back then.

[Mark Norman]

Whoa.

[Tom Segura]

So they were always. Yeah, tons of weed.

[Mark Norman]

As a 22 year old, if you're in an elevator with like, other porn star, that's got to be insane.

[Tom Segura]

It is. Until you like, like, I think it's all individually based personalities. Like the few times I had interactions, she was kind of kept to herself, you know, she was, she wasn't like.

[Mark Norman]

That makes sense.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. So it was like her and her friend, they would hang out and talk and kind of look at you.

[Mark Norman]

Hey.

[Tom Segura]

And she'd be like, you know.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. I think they're kind of like comics. Yeah. They're. They're a little broken. They have weird childhood and feel comfortable.

[Tom Segura]

With our own types.

[Mark Norman]

Exactly, exactly. We put ourselves on the line as well as they do to get entertainment.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

You know, it would be crazy to.

[Tom Segura]

Like get off the elevator. We walk down the hall. I go to this room. She walks past that room. I look, that's Taylor Rain. And then you go Inside, you pull up Taylor Rain. You're like, oh, look at this.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, that. I did that with Stormy Daniels.

[Tom Segura]

Really?

[Mark Norman]

When she was in the news. You're like, hey, I get to. I'm doing research.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

You know, you're like, I see this woman in a courtroom, and then you get to see her get raw, dogged by like eight guys.

[Tom Segura]

Pretty crazy.

[Mark Norman]

Pretty crazy.

[Tom Segura]

It is pretty cool.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. It's crazy that Trump was inside. I mean, the whole imagining Trump on top of her is insane.

[Tom Segura]

It's insane.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

Anyone else hard?

[Tom Segura]

You guys hard in there?

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. Porn stars are fun. Would you ever do that, avn? Would you ever host it?

[Tom Segura]

I think there was a time where it made, like, sense for me. Like, with like the stand up I was doing and the age. I feel like at this point, it's like there's. It's like any. You know, people are like, hey, would you ever do the Daily Show? You go as a institution and it's great.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

But then my. My next answer is like, there's 10 people better for it.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, like, they're better at it. For, like. And I feel like at this point, I'd be like, oh, I would recommend 10 other people to you first.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. And it's not like you need it.

[Tom Segura]

No, it's. Yeah, you don't. I mean, yeah, there's a time where it, like, probably, like, really is a boost for you. Sure. And I think it fits, like, whatever you're. You're doing. But at this point, I'd be like, I'm the dad with. You know.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I'll give you a couple animals. It'll be great. We have friends that are. Would nail. Would you do it? You'd be great at it. I think.

[Mark Norman]

Ah, that's too much work. I mean. What do you mean? Hosted or.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah. Or somebody on it. Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

What?

[Tom Segura]

What?

[Mark Norman]

No, I would. I don't want to host anything. You know, people are like, oh, you'd be a good late night guy. I'm like, that's such a horrible job to me.

[Tom Segura]

I don't want to do it.

[Mark Norman]

You got to talk to Snooki. You got to be there every day. You got to wear a suit. It's brutal.

[Tom Segura]

I don't want to do that.

[Mark Norman]

No, this is great. Yeah. We're hungover. We're drinking coffee.

[Tom Segura]

Where was. Where was the drinks last night?

[Mark Norman]

Well, we did kill Tony and Woody Harrelson was there, so we all tried to really hang out and impress him.

[Tom Segura]

Did he hang out?

[Mark Norman]

He hung out. He Was that guy. Talk about some weed.

[Tom Segura]

Oh yeah, he's.

[Mark Norman]

I mean, this stuff was. I took a whiff of it and it was insane. Like I, I wouldn't want to get near it.

[Tom Segura]

And did he stay out with you guys?

[Mark Norman]

Oh, yeah, he stayed there all night.

[Tom Segura]

What time did you guys leave?

[Mark Norman]

Well, you know, you go to Mitzis and it's just a big, big show. I don't know, probably got home at like 3 or 4.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, that's a late night, dude.

[Mark Norman]

We had a late night. Well, you know Ari, he can, he can go. Yeah, he's for a 71 year old man, he can really put him back.

[Tom Segura]

Old, sweet old.

[Mark Norman]

And there's something about Austin, it brings the evil out of you. Like you live here now, but when you, when you move, when you visit here, it's just, it's, it's like something in the air.

[Tom Segura]

You just want to like three something in the morning.

[Mark Norman]

You want to be befriend. Rfk. You know, when you land here. Yeah, something here. You just want to have a taco and shoot a hog out of a helicopter.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, it does kind of bring. There's places that bring it out of you.

[Mark Norman]

Oh yeah. Oh yeah. And this town is just so free. Like when you live in New York, it's like very progressive. So then you come here and everybody's like, here's a maga hat and a joint and a gun and kill that lady trying to get an abortion.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, that's on the billboard.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, yeah. No porn on the phone here, boys.

[Tom Segura]

What the hell? Wild.

[Mark Norman]

It's the land of the free. But I can't look up pornhub.

[Tom Segura]

You got to give them your id.

[Mark Norman]

Ah, what am I, a migrant? Come on.

[Tom Segura]

No, it's.

[Mark Norman]

So I bought a gun.

[Tom Segura]

Did you?

[Mark Norman]

No, I'm just kidding.

[Tom Segura]

You want one?

[Mark Norman]

I would, I would it up. I shouldn't have one.

[Tom Segura]

Really?

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, I drink too much and it would just sit there on my coffee table and I would twirl it, you know, something bad would happen.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Okay. Probably best.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. Do you have any?

[Tom Segura]

I have a few. Yeah. Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

Nice. Do you, do you go to the range?

[Tom Segura]

Sometimes. Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

That's fun.

[Tom Segura]

Not as often as I want to go, but yeah, it's fun.

[Mark Norman]

So it's not protection. It's just like I'm having a good time with these.

[Tom Segura]

Well, I guess it's, it has that benefit, but I, I, I like that. It's such a humbling thing to go and like start and be like, God, I'm so Bad at this.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And then with like good instructors to, you know, it's like anything. It's like a golf swing. You go, oh, this feels better. So it's, it's fun. Like, it's a fun practice.

[Mark Norman]

But what about the kids, though? You ever going to show them or.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I would rather take them to like a, like a safety course and get comfortable around it than to see it as this thing that, like, oh, maybe we should, maybe we shouldn't and then not know what they're do. Like, I'd rather have them feel like they have tremendous respect for this device and what it can do and like know how to do it than to just be like, no, just never. Because you know that they're going to pick one up one day, so.

[Mark Norman]

I know, I know.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I'd rather teach them because I'm. This morning, my 6 year old was like, when are we getting guns?

[Mark Norman]

Whoa, shooter. He's going in there.

[Tom Segura]

I go, we got. I go, I gotta talk to a guy. We gotta get you into a class. And he's like, come on, man, come on. Wow.

[Mark Norman]

Is this the one that's like you?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

He's like, come on, man. Yeah, come on, dude, give me that pistol.

[Tom Segura]

Take this sleep mask off and give me a gun. All right, we gotta run. But don't forget to watch. We might be drunk Tuesdays with stories, of course. Check out Mark on the road. Are you doing dates now?

[Mark Norman]

All day long. I got a million dates. Go to punch up markdoman comedy dot com. I'm in Rochester and Portchester and San Jose and Eugene, Oregon and Dallas. It's it. I'll be. They'll be coming to your. Your dad.

[Tom Segura]

There you go. He's one of the best out there. Go get tickets. Go see him live. Listen to the podcasts. Thank you for coming, man.

[Mark Norman]

Thanks for having me. Tom, good to see you. Comedy Bert and Tom. Tom and Bert. One goes tops while the other wears a shirt. Tom tells stories and Burt's the machine. There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean.

[Bert Kreischer]

Here's what we call two bears, one cave.