2 Bears, 1 Cave – “Pimping Podcast Producers | Winter Bears”
Hosts: Chris DiStefano & Stavros Halkias (guest hosts filling in for Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer)
Release Date: December 29, 2025
Podcast Network: YMH Studios
Episode Overview
In this “Winter Bears” takeover of 2 Bears, 1 Cave, comedians Chris DiStefano and Stavros Halkias gleefully derail the podcast, riffing on everything from bread trends and STD horrors to outlandish schemes involving podcast producers. What starts as banter about taking over for Tom and Bert “reluctantly” quickly devolves into stories about degenerate behavior, sex, bodily woes, and a satirical brainstorm on starting a prostitution ring for podcast staffers—all with their signature blend of filth, irreverence, and inside-comedy edge.
Key Discussion Points & Highlights
1. "The Show’s Off the Rails" Meta-Banter
- Chris and Stavros repeatedly highlight their lack of preparation and their intention to “get the show off the rails” in classic 2 Bears, 1 Cave fashion.
- Quote [00:01 | Chris]: “We are reluctantly, begrudgingly doing it. We’re trying to get the show off the rails.”
- Quote [00:24 | Stavros]: “I’m just not trying at all… This will be worse.”
2. What Tom and Bert are (Not) Up To
- They speculate Bert and Tom have little interest in the podcast, joke about “backup” episodes for after Bert’s possible demise, and riff on Tom’s new obsession: opening croissant shops (“it means ‘fat little boy’ in Italian”).
- Quote [01:36 | Chris]: “You have no idea how low on the priority list…this podcast is for Tom and Bert.”
Tom Segura’s Bakery:
- Tom is apparently more interested in running a bakery than podcasting (“Geo Bomba…Lala Bamba”), with listeners encouraged to visit.
- Discussion about comedian Tom Papa’s sourdough bread, and the “bread arms race” among comedians.
3. Bread, Focaccia, and Ranking Carbs
- Extended riff about which breads reign supreme (“focaccia is number one”), with Chris recounting a story involving comparative sexual exploits and a girlfriend’s focaccia-flavored vagina, leading to infection jokes.
- Quote [03:26 | Stavros]: "If I had to rank my breads…focaccia is probably number one."
4. Comedy, Compulsions, and Bodily Taboos
- Banter about prostate problems, pissing woes, and regrettable sexual experiences.
- Honestly discuss health issues (diabetes fears, going to the doctor, strange diagnostics).
- Both discuss their upbringing’s impact: Catholic guilt, shame, over-indulgence, and addictive behavior.
- Quote [12:24 | Chris]: “I was having unprotected sex to, like, hurt myself. I was finding women who also…did not like themselves.”
5. STD & Sex Mishaps Chronicles
- Both tell tales of past risky sex, repeated chlamydia infections, and anxiety about catching diseases.
- Extended riff on friends “nutting in strangers” and Mark Normand’s infamous “syphilis taping.”
- Quote [22:55 | Chris]: “He needed it because he couldn’t get through the set. So syphilis is…that’s a crazy one to get.”
- Discussion on historical figures’ insanity due to syphilis (Al Capone, Idi Amin, possibly Caesar and Nero).
6. Religion & The New “Woke Pope”
- Chris, raised Catholic, is now “back in” on attending church but doing it “healthily.”
- Stavros gives praise to the new Pope (“Pope Leo”), whom he calls “woke” for supporting refugees and LGBTQ people.
- Quote [31:19 | Stavros]: “Some types of Protestants…will choose Trump over the Pope, which is so fucking funny.”
- Lightly lampooning the idea of popes with podcasts: “Shut up and dribble for the Pope.” [32:24]
7. Grooming Producers: The OnlyFans & Prostitution Bit
- Satirical brainstorm on how to “pimp out” podcast producers, especially “Benson Spoon,” on OnlyFans and in real life.
- Plan includes rebranding him as a fake pop star (“fake Benson Boone”), weight loss, gymnastics training, and more for the hypothetical pleasure of “repressed Mormon businessmen.”
- Quote [37:08 | Stavros]: “Let’s sell that boy pussy, Benson.”
- The bit escalates: establishing a “Bussy Ranch” brothel for podcast producers, expanding to “Elder” and “Homeless Pimp” and even Jamie (Rogan’s producer) as big-ticket “prizes.”
- “Glory hole” ideas, “live paywall” streams, and running a “multi-modal” sex-trafficking business from their apartments.
- Quote [43:01 | Stavros]: “It’s capitalism, and that’s…using every part of the buffalo.”
8. Real Estate and Jeffrey Epstein’s Brother
- Chris tells an anecdote about nearly renting a podcast studio from Mark Epstein, brother of Jeffrey Epstein, highlighting the absurd ethical dilemmas in NYC real estate.
- Quote [51:08 | Chris]: “Jeffrey Epstein’s brother tried to sell us a podcast space.”
- Stavros reads Mark Epstein’s Wikipedia and jokes about his “modeling agency” being a trafficking cover.
- Quote [54:08 | Stavros]: “A modeling agency and a charter company…just means he was a sex trafficker.”
9. Diet Coke, Gut Microbiome, and Changing Personalities
- Chris shares a study claiming Diet Coke alters your personality via changes to the gut.
- Quote [56:24 | Chris]: “Diet Cokes change your gut microbiome to where you are actually a different person.”
10. “Healthy” Eating Hacks & Protein Obsessions
- Extended, absurd discussions about yogurt, high-protein eating, “Greek vs Italian” diets, and their personal dietary hacks/pitfalls.
- Comically simple “nutrition tip:” swap four slices of pizza for one yogurt.
- Recipe riffing: yogurt pizza crusts, “fat boy” yogurt sandwiches.
- Quote [60:22 | Chris]: “Here’s a nutrition hack: instead of four slices of pizza, have a yogurt.”
11. Human Safaris, Tom’s Mysterious “Rich Guy” Life & Ultra Wealth
- Satirical suggestions that Tom Segura might be skipping podcasts to “hunt humans on safari.”
- Mention of real-world rumors about the ultra-rich participating in horrific behavior during conflicts.
12. Self-Awareness, Taking Blame, and Tour Plugs
- Chris closes with a tongue-in-cheek admonishment: if you’re still listening, “you are the problem, not us.”
- Both comedians promote their own tours.
- Quote [64:06 | Chris]: “If you still are here at the end of this hour…then you’re actually the problem, not us.”
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)
- On the show itself: “We have maybe four talking points. We didn’t prepare… I might fall into a diabetic coma.” – Stavros [00:28]
- On the bread arms race: “At least now the big guys are just getting into bread. That’s…that’s healthy.” – Chris [06:16]
- On Catholic guilt and compulsions: “You’re a bad boy, you’re a dirty pig.” – Chris [28:54]
- On producer prostitution schemes: “Let’s get Benson Spoon…turn out Benson Spoon and say, you know what? Let’s get you to the next level.” – Chris [37:03]
- On Diet Coke: “Your personality is actually changing…whoever you are before the Diet Coke is not who you are as you’re consuming the Diet Coke.” – Chris [56:24]
- On podcasting in an Epstein property: “Jeffrey Epstein’s brother tried to sell us a podcast space.” – Chris [51:08]
- On listener responsibility: “You’re actually the problem, not us.” – Chris [64:06]
Timestamps for Key Segments
- 00:01–02:50 • Introduction, joking about taking over, Tom & Bert’s disinterest
- 02:51–06:40 • Bread obsession, Tom’s pastry shop, bread hierarchy
- 08:06–13:37 • Prostate, health horrors, chlamydia confessions
- 17:45–23:12 • STD mishaps, Mark Normand’s syphilis story, historical syphilis
- 29:14–32:24 • Catholicism, “Woke Pope,” religion & modern issues
- 36:43–43:00 • Satirical OnlyFans/producer prostitution brainstorm
- 51:08–54:35 • Mark Epstein real estate story
- 56:24–57:35 • Diet Coke, gut biome, personality change
- 59:19–61:36 • Chris & Stavi’s absurd "healthy eating hacks"
- 62:45–63:22 • Human safari, rich person depravity riff
- 64:06–END • Closing remarks, callouts, self-aware blame, tour plugs
Tone & Language
The episode is characteristically lewd, irreverent, and self-deprecating, filled with gross-out stories, high-energy bits, and razor-sharp satire—especially regarding show business, podcasting culture, and the commodification of everything (including themselves and their staffers).
For First-Time Listeners
This episode is a wild, extremely NSFW ride full of inside jokes, biting self-mockery, and boundary-pushing bits. Non-listeners will get a sense of the show’s anarchic energy, the comics’ rapport, and their willingness to take everything—including themselves, their employers, and their industry—utterly unseriously.