Robert DeNiro Didn't Wanna Be Friends w/ Sebastian Maniscalco | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Summary

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2 Bears, 1 Cave w/ Sebastian Maniscalco: “Robert DeNiro Didn't Wanna Be Friends”

Podcast: 2 Bears, 1 Cave (YMH Studios)
Hosts: Bert Kreischer & Tom Segura
Guest: Sebastian Maniscalco
Release Date: October 20, 2025

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Episode Overview

This episode features comedian Sebastian Maniscalco joining Bert Kreischer and Tom Segura (briefly) in the cave for a rich, warm, and hilarious conversation about the realities of comedy stardom, balancing family life, the quirks of personal rituals, and the oddities of comedian friendship—all in classic 2 Bears style. From behind-the-scenes stand-up insights to personal tales of parenting, fashion faux pas, and the surprise of Robert DeNiro’s aloofness, this episode is a delightful deep dive into the lives and minds of top comics.

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Main Discussion Themes

1. The Evolution and Joys of Comedy Careers

• Standup, Movies & Transitioning Interests

  • Bert and Sebastian discuss what keeps comedians motivated after major success.
  • Bert speculates Tom might be wrapping up standup to focus on TV and film ([01:45–02:00]).
  • They muse on how personal life—like having kids—shapes career choices.

  Key Quote:
  Bert: “Segura’s done. This is his last tour, his last special... he really got into this to make movies and television.” ([01:49])
  Sebastian: “I love standup comedy. Other than that, everything else is kind of just gravy.” ([03:26])

• The Math of Standup
  Bert shares how watching Sebastian and Nate Bargatze makes him question his own comedic process ([02:10]).

  Notable Quote:
  Bert: “You have such an ability to make me giggle... I can’t figure out how to replicate what you do.” ([02:10])

2. Parenting, Sensitivity, and Emotional Vulnerability

• Fatherhood & Crying
  The trio opens up about being sensitive dads and how parenthood reconfigures their emotional sensitivity ([04:30–07:20]).

  Sebastian: “My son came up to me the other day, and he's like, Daddy, could you coach my soccer team? That's it. I'm bawling.” ([03:26])
  Bert: “I sobbed. And my daughters make fun of me. I can tell you the dumbest movies...” ([05:28])

• Enjoying Success and Staying Grounded
  Discussion on how family and upbringing keep them humble—Sebastian attributes his Sicilian roots and private family celebrations ([08:06]), while Bert craves energy and people around him ([08:49]).

3. Comedian Dynamics & The Origin of Friendships

• The Baseball Game Origin Story
  The comedians reminisce about their early days bonding over “home run derby” games in LA parks, observing each other's quirks ([16:28–19:47]).

  Bert: “You were taking ’em out of the box—shoes, brand new glove, batting gloves on both hands... I couldn’t stop giggling at you getting dressed.” ([16:56])

• Male Friendship, Marriage, and the Search for Outlets
  Sebastian notes how marriage and fatherhood can isolate men, and expresses a yearning for renewed male camaraderie (like golf) ([19:50]).

4. Comedy Industry Realities

• Number of True Stand-Up Comics
  Spirited debate about what qualifies someone as a "real comedian"—from open mic-ers to club acts ([26:46–33:11]).

  Sebastian: “I would say 200 [stand-up comics].”
  Bert: “200 to 400, I would say, just roughly.”

• The Bit Development Process
  Bert and Sebastian agree: the thrill is in developing and refining material, not in the repetition or final taping ([34:11]).

  Bert: “The joy of a bit is... as you say it, you’ve left it, but your brain goes, you know what I should have said with that is this... That feeling is the addictive feeling.” ([33:30])

5. Performing, Crowd Dynamics, and Classic Bits

• Inclusion of “Hits” in Specials
  They discuss whether to repeat fan-favorite bits or always keep things fresh—shout-out to Seinfeld’s perspective on doing the classics ([35:36]).

  Sebastian: “He [Seinfeld] just loves... why would I not tell the older stuff? It’s stuff that I worked on for years and I’ve polished and crafted…” ([35:36])

• Arena/Pricing Challenges & Ticket Sales
  The realities of selling big venues and the unique stress of watching the “blue dots” on seat maps ([43:18–44:04]), which only a small handful of comics understand.

6. Personal Quirks, Routines, and Domesticity

• Fashion and Dressing
  Sebastian’s wardrobe evolution (thanks to his wife Lana) and the demise of the “Seven Diamonds” trend. Bert confesses to living in comfort with little attention to outfits ([15:14–16:28]).

• Robes and Showers
  Sebastian is a robe devotee; Bert prefers nudity. They compare hygiene routines and discuss the etiquette of peeing outside and short shorts ([68:02–70:32]).

  Sebastian: “I put a robe on as soon as I get up... I have robes, different robes for different times of the year.” ([70:00])

• Parenting & Discipline
  Sebastian is the disciplinarian at home, trying to ensure his kids grow up grounded and grateful despite their easier upbringing ([60:02–61:58]).

7. Robert De Niro, Movie Work, and (Not) Making Friends

• Robert De Niro Experience
  Sebastian candidly reveals that De Niro was friendly but distant while filming—no dinners, hangouts, or real relationship, even over 9 weeks of filming ([40:16–41:06]).

  Sebastian: “We would do a scene and he would go to his chair and have, like, paperwork, be on the phone… it was strictly a professional relationship.” ([40:31])

8. The Pete and Sebastian Show & Comedic Chemistry

• Podcast Origin & Dynamic
  Sebastian tells how his podcast with Pete Correale started—traveling small towns in Canada, their opposite lifestyles (“wine and cheese” vs. “beer and peanuts”), and their twelve-year chemistry ([63:48–64:24]).

  Sebastian: “He's a beer and peanut guy. I'm like a wine and cheese guy.” ([64:24])

• Appreciation for Pete
  Bert gushes about Pete’s comedic brilliance—on stage and in life ([65:43]).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Comedy War Stories:
  “When you get finally do an hour, the month leading up, I’m like, get me out of here... It’s like graduating high school, being bullied all year for four years.”
  — Bert Kreischer ([34:52])

• On Repeating Material:
  “If you talk to Seinfeld, he just loves... why would I not tell the older stuff?"
  — Sebastian Maniscalco ([35:36])

• On De Niro:
  "Didn’t go to dinner, didn’t hang out, nothing. Strictly a professional relationship. He’s got a family..."
  — Sebastian Maniscalco ([40:31])

• On Friendship Origins:
  "And that’s how I met all you guys, really. Was that one period."
  — Bert Kreischer ([19:47])

• The Arrogance of Boring:
  “There must be boring people that are so arrogant, that are like, I like to be quiet... you’re not quiet, you have nothing to say.”
  — Bert Kreischer ([38:05])

• On Parenting & Discipline:
  “No one’s gonna give you anything in life, including me, so go make your bed.”
  — Sebastian Maniscalco ([60:45])

• The Joy in Wanting:
  “The best part of buying something is wanting something. It’s not the buying, it’s not the having, it’s the wanting. Wanting is my favorite part.”
  — Bert Kreischer ([24:53])

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Highlighted Segments & Timestamps

• Sebastian on His New Special & Family Priorities
  [01:02–03:26] — Standup, transitioning to family life, and what’s next.

• Sensitivity, Parenting, and Crying
  [05:28–07:11] — How kids and age have made Bert more emotional.

• Comedian Friendship & Baseball Stories
  [16:28–19:47] — The home run derby games and how they bonded comedians.

• Wearing Robes, Shower Habits and Domestic Rituals
  [68:19–72:08] — The difference in morning routines and personal comfort.

• Robert De Niro “Friendship” Reveal
  [40:16–41:06] — Sebastian lays out his “no real friendship” experience with De Niro.

• The Nature of Standup Careers & Who “Counts” as a Comedian
  [26:44–33:11] — A philosophical debate peppered with wit.

• Inclusion of Classic Bits: Seinfeld’s Influence
  [35:36–36:39] — Should comics recycle their greatest hits?

• The Pete and Sebastian Podcast Origin Story
  [63:48–65:01] — How their long-running show came to life.

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Tone & Style

The episode is informal, honest, and self-deprecating—full of gentle ribbing, vulnerability, and genuine admiration among peers. It’s equal parts inside-baseball standup talk and relatable stories about marriage, family, and the absurdities of daily life.

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Key Takeaways

• Comedic fulfillment evolves—motivations shift but love of the art remains.
• Major fame alters social interactions and friendships—sometimes it just means De Niro won’t grab dinner with you.
• Personal quirks (whether it’s robe-wearing or peeing outside) become points of comfort and humor, especially among friends.
• Raising grounded kids in the world of showbiz is an ongoing struggle—with reflections on their own upbringings guiding their instincts.
• Lasting comedian friendships often start with shared rituals (be it baseball or podcasts) and survive the ups and downs of success.
• Classic bits still matter—comedian “greatest hits” are often what fans and friends both want.
• Beneath the jokes, these comics prioritize presence and authenticity in family life and in their material.

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For New Listeners

This episode stands out for its open, real conversation about the comedian’s life on and off stage—no topics are off-limits, and the laughter is as heartfelt as it is hilarious. Whether you’re a comedy fan, a parent, or just someone who loves good storytelling, there’s something here for you.

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Transcript

[Tom Segura]

Texas, listen up. I've got some live shows coming up. November 1st in Amarillo at the Amarillo Civic Center Complex. Then November 2nd in Lubbock at Buddy Holly hall and El Paso at the Abraham chavez theater on November 6th. Get your [e-mail] tour 100%.

[Bert Kreischer]

Cheers. Your new special is not coming out till November. It's so good. I had to stop it. I had to stop watching it. That's how good it is. Shot beautifully shot. Gorgeous. Really covered top to bottom. I'd say in the round, but it's in the triangle.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

It's in the triangle.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's in the triangle at the United Center. How many did you shoot? And this is inside baseball stuff for comics. But how many did you shoot?

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Two. We did two.

[Bert Kreischer]

God, so good.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Expensive.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's it. You're done. Do you need to do anything else?

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

I asked that. What are we doing? Are we.

[Bert Kreischer]

How.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

How long is this gonna go on? I'm sure you guys are all asking. You're like, what? How long do we have to come to this house?

[Bert Kreischer]

How long does this go on?

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

I don't know, man. I don't know. I don't know.

[Bert Kreischer]

We gren with Seinfeld?

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Like, he. Does he still love it?

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Yeah, he loves doing standup comedy. For me, it's like, what else do you have to do on top of the standup comedy? I mean, you're a guy who's dabbling in a lot of facets of entertainment. Is this because you absolutely love doing all this stuff, or is this the fact that just. It's feeding the standup? What's the. Where are we going?

[Bert Kreischer]

I mean, that's a great question. I think Segura's done doing standup.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

He's done.

[Bert Kreischer]

I think so. This is his last tour. This is his last special. I mean that for real. I think his kids are young. He doesn't want to travel. He loves making movies. He really got into this to make movies and television. Like, that's when he moved to Hollywood. His interest wasn't stand up. It was actor, writer, director. And so I think he's getting the opportunity to do that. And it's interesting because I remember when I did the movie, he told me, he goes, do good now. And it sets up the next 20 years of your life. And I was like, that's crazy. And it. I mean, it has. I've been working, doing TV and film. I like it. There's nothing better than, like. For me, though, watching your special. You have such an ability. You have Such an ability to make me giggle that I can't figure out. You and Nate Bargazi are the two people who can make me laugh, and I can't figure out how to replicate what you do. And so the math of stand up for me is. Is fascinating. And I. And I love it, and it makes me question myself. I get. I literally. I was on the toilet today going, like, I watched it all last night in bed, and I woke up and I said, so wait, what do I do? Like, do I just share secrets? But, like. But I love stand up. I love stand up. I do. Television does not feed stand up. I don't think.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

No, I don't think so either. I think I thought at least going into, like, movies and film, I thought, oh, okay, if you do good here, maybe this will translate into hard ticket sales. But I don't think that generally is the case. Although I think the podcasting does. If you have a big enough podcast.

[Bert Kreischer]

You and Pete are awesome together.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Well, thank you.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's real synergy.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Thank you. We enjoy doing the podcast for us. It's not a large money maker. What I use it for is almost to populate some of my bits and like, oh, this is a good story. I'll tell it here and maybe percolate that on stage. But other than that, Yeah, I mean, I love standup comedy. Other than that, everything else is kind of just gravy, you know, I'm not, like, seeking out, like, a big movie career tv. I'm almost in the Segura bucket, where I got small kids. They're eight and six, and I really enjoy hanging out. Like, my son came up to me the other day, and he's like, daddy, could you coach my soccer team? That's it. I'm bawling. You're a sensitive guy. You cry and you cry. You have no problems crying on iPhone. This and that. My cry secret. I don't show to crying. Yeah, you show everything, though. I'm a little bit more. I cry, but you're not gonna see it.

[Bert Kreischer]

You know, someone asked me today in the gym. I think it was my trainer. He's like, so was Sebastian. Like, when I watch him on stage, is that an act? I went, no, that's who he is. That's who he is. Like, it's a little. I'd say, a tad bit exaggerated. Like, we all are, but you really are the guy that will cock your head sideways and go, you're not gonna put shoes on.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Well, what I. Yeah, I've often seen your show, and Go. This guy does it barefoot. And that's unique.

[Bert Kreischer]

But it's so, it's so. It so makes sense that you'd, you'd have a private cry. Was it hard for you to open up to Lana when you started dating?

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Like, no, I'm the, I'm the.

[Bert Kreischer]

I'm.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

I'm very sensitive guy. So my wife isn't. So she's very, you know, movie. I'll be crying.

[Bert Kreischer]

She's.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

I'm like, nothing. So that's.

[Bert Kreischer]

So. Wait, so Leanne puts everything in a Burton Leanne mode. Meaning like she goes, leanne is the person who does not. It's not sensitive. I mean, she's sensitive, but she doesn't cry at a movie ever. Would never cry to movie. I fucking sob. I sobbed. And my daughters make fun of me. Like, I can tell you the dumbest movies. The Rock Walking Tall, when he stands up in the, in the, in the courtroom and pulls his shirt and shows the scars on his back, he goes, I'm here, so this will never happen to any of you. Balling on an airplane.

[Tom Segura]

Wow.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Wow. Did that increase with age, the sensitivity?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yes. Yes. And I think, I think I'm curious. When things started happening for me, meaning life, dreams, getting accomplished, I think re kind of shifted everything. And I didn't know what was real and I didn't know how to react to things. I didn't know how to react to like a sold out Boston Garden. And I didn't understand. I think it, it, it all of a sudden reset all my levels and everything for I think a solid two years. Everything was on a nerve. Like everything was about, I can't believe this is happening. I can't believe this is. And so I started falling apart. Just about anything, I mean anything. Wow. Did that happen to you? Like, how do you compromise? How do you wrap your head around going from the guy that sells the most at Madison Square Garden ever to the person that does sells out the most in every single borough ever does that. Do you sit in the green room and just. Is there a part of a 13 year old Sebastian that's like, holy fucking shit? Or is it just like, eh.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Yeah, it's a second. It's a cause. You know what the problem I have is really enjoying the moment that I'm in because I'm always kind of looking at the next moment down the way and I should really take in some of the things that happen and relish at it. And I've tried to do that in the last two years. But listen, this was Never in the cards for me to do this. Anyway, as far as I didn't have on my vision board sellout. It's not what I had in mind. So, yes, when it does happen, it's nice, but it's not. It's not like I'm not like an overly excitable guy.

[Bert Kreischer]

Do you think you're. Do you think your culture, meaning, like, Chicago, backyard. No camp, dad, kind of grounded, Sicilian. Do you think that had to do with it?

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Yeah, I think I celebrate a little bit more in private than I would do around people. I feel like. I mean, the difference between you and I. I just feel like there's a lot of people in your world. Right. Like, when I walked in here, I was like, there's half of me that goes, man, should I have all. Should I have another home to house my business?

[Bert Kreischer]

Arguably, your business is way bigger than mine. The answer is yes. I just. This is how I live. Like, I love. I have a fear of being alone.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Yeah. So, yeah, I. I'm quite the opposite of you. I. I really love the moments I'm alone just with my family, not a lot of people around. Yeah, that's kind of. That's my. My vibe. So we're two different guys in the sense that you really love a lot of energy around you, which is great.

[Bert Kreischer]

So we. What's. So when you talk about getting emotional. Parenting, my thing. When I go back to parenting, I always remember the first day of first grade for Georgia. I think it was actually third grade. It was a new school. We went to Colfax, and she said to me, and this is like the beginning of me really not knowing how to register feelings. She goes, what if I'm not cool? And I fucking melted down. And I got into a fight with Leanne. On the walk home, I was like, I didn't sign up for this. Like, I signed up to fuck you and to date you, take you out to dinner. We'd have kids, sure. But I didn't know that this vulnerability was going to show up on a Monday morning at 8 o', clock, and I would be destroyed for the whole day. And she wore a fedora. She put it on and she goes, do I look cool, dad? And I, you know, it's your kid, so you go, yeah, you look great. She goes, ah. Mom said I'd. I'd stand out. I'd look like a fool. And I went, oh, I should let your mom talk. And then she walked in to first grade. I mean, only a dad can understand this, really, or apparent really? She walked in, she had the fedora in her hand, and she was like, what if I'm not cool? And I was like, you're going to be cool. She put it on and she goes, yeah, right. And I was like. I was like. In my head, I was like, no one's wearing a fedora. You're the only one wearing a fedora. And then she came out. She didn't have the fedora on. At the end of school, I go, where's the fedora? She goes, dad, great call. Everyone took turns wearing the fedora. And I was like, I was like, do whatever that energy is. I didn't sign up for that. Like, that is the part that I'm like, ugh. To this day, my diet's all over the map. It really is. Traveling, touring, doing podcasts from day to day, doing a cooking show. It's hard to have a healthy diet, which makes it hard for my body to get all the key nutrients that it needs. And I'm telling you, I lean on my friends that I know are healthy. 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[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Learn [e-mail] well, you know There's a difference again, here in you and I. I'm very involved in what the kids are going to put on for school.

[Bert Kreischer]

Of course. Yes, of course you are.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

So I have no problems going. Take it off. I'm not wearing that today, so.

[Bert Kreischer]

I.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Signed up for that.

[Bert Kreischer]

So the first day of school is like a fashion show the night before.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Yeah, I mean, I. Listen, my wife, I gotta give it to her. She really dresses the kids tight.

[Bert Kreischer]

I would argue you started dressing better since you met her.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Oh, yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, yeah.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

She's definitely. I remember dating Lana, and we moved in together, and I came home and there was a pile of clothing outside my closet, and this was going to be donated. She said, we're getting rid of this, which is fine. I was kind of hanging on to a lot of shirts that, you know, a lot of, like, a bird on, you know, like, Seven Diamonds. Remember that? That company? No, no, no. You don't wear a shirt. So.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, pull up Seven Diamonds.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Seven Diamonds was a company that I definitely was wearing a lot of back in the day. No, not so now. This is like. This is new. Seven diamonds. We're talking maybe 15 years ago. I probably. Probably don't even have it on the Internet.

[Bert Kreischer]

Do you feel like she rescued you from being the old dude at the store? Because you were at that when you met her. You were at a crossroads.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Well, listen, talk about wardrobe and we have to go back to playing baseball together. Listen, I came to the field, I laughed with. I was all in black, beautiful wristbands. I think I had the baseball outfit pretty dialed in. No, I don't think a lot of people even know about the baseball games that we used to have. Not even baseball games. It was just like this home run thing we used to do.

[Bert Kreischer]

Home Run derby. It was. I'll tell you my perspective. My perspective was I just had Isla and I had two kids, and I wasn't hanging out with any men. And Steve Byrne called me and he said, you should have friends. And I said, I'm good. I had gone through a relationship with a dude that I had that wasn't that healthy. And Steve knew that guy, and it was really unhealthy and bad. And I was friends with Segura at the time, but even still. And Tommy would say this, I was keeping everyone at arm's length because I was like. I was like, you know what, man? This is business. This isn't friends. This is business. I got my family. I'm good. And Steve was like, you should hang out. You should be doing the store. You should hang out with those guys. It's a bunch of good guys. And he invited me over and the first day I got there, we were playing. We were going to play on the other field down at Pan Pacific park, the one on the. On the bottom instead of the softball field up top. And Steve said, show up. I think Sebastian should be there by now. He's already there. And I walked down and you were getting dressed and you were putting on your outfit and it was all black. I mean, like sliding shorts, shorts on top of that. Like, I wanna say like nice socks, brand new shoes. I feel like you were taking em out of the box. Shoes, brand new glove, batting gloves on both hands, wristbands, a headband. And I couldn't tell if you were doing a bit. And I couldn't stop giggling at you getting dressed. And you're like, what?

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

No, that was. That was. No bet that was. I looked the part, but I could hit the ball past third base. So I.

[Bert Kreischer]

It was phenomenal. We're talking about all. Every comedian you now know roughly at that time. And you were seeing a glimpse of who they are in real life and on stage by swinging a baseball bat. And it was hysterical. I'll never forget Brett Ernst. Brett Ernst. If you're not familiar with Brett, you should. He's one of the best storytellers in the business. One of our. A good friend of both of ours. He is fucking hysterical. I'm saying if. If at 1 out of 10. Meathead. Brett's a 12.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Yeah, he is. A lot of anger coming out of that bet.

[Bert Kreischer]

A lot of anger. Raised by a single mom, brother died of aids. I mean, just like grew up in South Florida. He used to tell a story where they had punch a honky day at school or something.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I remember that story. Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Punch a cracker. And they. He just get beat up all day. The first time he goes up to bat, he stakes, he's like got. I mean, he looks like he's fresh off the Jersey shore. Wife beater, fucking gold chain outside of it. And he's like, come on, mother. Come on, come on, come on, come on. And as he's swinging. Go. Son of a. And he would yell profanities as he swang. Oh, God.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

And that's how I met all you guys, really. Was that one period.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Yeah, it was. It was fun. I mean, listen, I think even to this day now I'm yearning for that connection with a group of guys, whether it be golf or anything that kind of cuz. You know. You know, you get into a marriage and then kids. That becomes your world.

[Bert Kreischer]

Right.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

You need, like, another outlet. So, yeah, that's the next step I think of my life is getting involved in something where, you know, whether it be golf or what have you, just to just have another outlet.

[Bert Kreischer]

You're playing golf now?

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

I try. I had an injury for about two years where I couldn't really play, but now I'm in sciatic pain on the right leg.

[Bert Kreischer]

So now the word on the street was you were. So you moved so much on stage that you hurt your back. That was what the word on the street was.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

It's funny, the word on the street. I'm not privy to any words on the street. I'm so detached. I know you from talking to anyone that I never know what the word on the street is. No, the word on the street, for me, the actual thing was it had nothing to do with movement on stage. It was literally. I woke up one day and my right leg was. I fell to the floor. Have you ever had the sciatic.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, yeah.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Okay. So it was. It was bad. It was bad. I couldn't really perform like I wanted to perform. The last special I did was I was in pain.

[Bert Kreischer]

Clifton Tux one Could move.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Yeah, couldn't move. And thank God I did Pilates. And now I'm fantastic.

[Bert Kreischer]

It was so funny. I do have to say your movement in this is very different than the last special. Yeah, the last special, I just figured it was in a tux. Little high. More high end.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Well, that too. I tried it in a tux. I just wanted to do something different. And I generally don't perform in a suit. It was restrictive. And looking back on it, it's not one of my best performances. I'm like. Wasn't really totally, 100% happy with it due to the fact that I'm not making excuses. It was just. It's funny. It was Covid. I had a special planned, I believe, at the. And then it got destroyed because of COVID So that material I was kind of sitting on throughout Covid, and I wanted to put it on a special. So out of COVID I started up with that material again, and I felt like, you know, when you do a special, you feel like it's gotta be at the height of the time that you really enjoy doing the material. Yes, Right. And then at this point, it was like, ah, it's stale for me. And with this special, I actually moved it. I was planning to do it six months later. I'm like, you know what? Let me move it. Six months earlier I did it in the middle of the tour because I felt like by the end of the tour, I was gonna be sick of the jokes.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. I bailed on bits where I go, that's not making it special. There's a bunch of bits I have that I have just stuck around and I just go, eh, I don't know. They just. They suck.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

But they were. They were great when they first started, right?

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, God, they were. They were like. They were like, so this is the material. I remember telling people to come to my show. You got. This is a bit you're gonna like. And now I look at it and go, I was thinking about that today. Wait, does. Does. You are kind of. You are kind of not the dude hanging out in the green room, hanging out and bullshitting, talking number, like, you know, I've been removed a little bit from the green rooms at the store. But I was there last week and it was like four young comics, and they were talking about their achievements, and in a weird way, I got insecure and I was like, jesus Christ, am I doing nothing? These guys are fucking kids and they're at the Wilbur already. Like, I was. It took me like 20 years to get to the Wilbur and. But you've removed yourself from that. Is. Do you have a hard time? Because when I got to school and I met. When my kids went to school, I wasn't famous. I was just a dad. I was actually a loser because I was at comic. Because. Is it hard to meet other parents when they know who you are?

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Is it hard to be? No, no, I don't think so.

[Bert Kreischer]

Have you ever sniffed one out where they're like, hey, how you doing? I'm Bill. You're like, hey, Sebastian. Like, yeah, yeah, nice. And then all of a sudden they're like, yeah, Chicago's like. And then you go, oh, fuck you, cocksucker.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Yeah, I get some of that. I just had an epiphany the other day. I don't really do well with chit chat, like, just talking to talk. But then I was thinking, am I boring? Like, in these scenarios? Like, even in the podcast world, I don't do a lot of podcasts because I'm like, first of all, by the way, it's a nice watch.

[Bert Kreischer]

Thank you.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Is that new? Yeah, yeah, it looks. It looks new. You wear it like it's new. What's your take on buying things? Are you. Are you. I guess. I guess what I'm trying to say is, did you See that watch? I want to go buy it. Or is it. Do you pine over it?

[Bert Kreischer]

I pine. So the best part of buying something is wanting something. It's not the buying, it's not the having. It's the wanting. Wanting is my favorite part. Like right now, we lost our dog, our bullmastiff, and I want a new Bullmastiff puppy so that our bullmastiff has. Can play right now. She just. You'll see her. She's probably downstairs. She just sits there. Just stares at you. Stares at the wall, doesn't do anything. And you want a puppy. So my favorite part of that is searching for a puppy. I'm not a car guy, but, like, when I do need a car, I get sent pictures of cars and then I get into cars for like a month or, like. But watches is something I was into. And the idea of looking at what you want and liking it and going, no, no, no, no, no. Because you haven't bought it yet, so you're not committed. I love that part. I love the wanting more than the getting or having. And I don't want any new watches. Like, I have the watch I want right now. So right now I'm good. And then maybe in a year they'll have the new Rolexes come out or I'm also pretty sure basic and that I don't want anything. Like, I want certain things I don't want. Like, I don't look at Patek Philippe's and. And aps or like, like nuanced watches. Like, I think about Seinfeld with cars. And I go, at a certain point, do. You can't drive them all and you can't sit in a mall. You couldn't. You couldn't spend a day sitting in the mall. What is it about having them? Some people like the collection and like to look at the collection. I like the want. I don't know. It's the chase, getting in their pants. That's what I like. Okay. You know? Yeah, it's like. It's like. Like when you make a movie. My favorite part of making a movie or a television show is the development. It's my favorite part. My favorite part about doing. Getting ready for a special is writing the material. Like, the writing of the material. When you go, only, only there's only a handful of us in the world. Meaning, like, probably what, 20,000 comedians that know the feeling. Wait a minute.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

You think there's 20,000 comedians?

[Bert Kreischer]

Got to be at least, right?

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

20,000 comedians that are doing comedy, like, on stage. What Are we grouping comedians now, buddy? As far as. Is the guy doing videos in his living room making people laugh on the Internet? Is that, is that now a comedian?

[Bert Kreischer]

According to my kids, yeah.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

So, so that, that's in your, that's in your bucket of comedian. I'm talking like stage comedians doing.

[Bert Kreischer]

How many stand up, how many stand.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Ups do you think there are working stand up comedians?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

I would say 200. No, no, we got a, we got a fact check in the back on that.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's got to be at least a thousand.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

A thousand?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. Because, I mean, we called ourselves comedians when we weren't touring. Right. We were doing open mics. So you figure for every mop and.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Mic, I'm saying someone that goes into a city and, and sells a comedy club out.

[Bert Kreischer]

Sells. Well, sells a comedy club out. Now the threshold's just been raised. That's crazy because.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Well, I mean, listen, what, what makes you a. Well, you know, I, I take that back.

[Bert Kreischer]

So open micrs are comedians. I'll give them that. Okay, so then you figure for any. So let's just say tonight, let's just do a, like, take a screen, grab it. Tonight, there's probably open mics in 20 cities right now. Let's just say 20. Atlanta, Miami, Tampa, Austin, L.A. new York, Chicago, San Francisco, Seattle. There's probably 20 open mics tonight. So for 20 cities of open mics, every city's got two of mics. There's 20 comedians for there. There's. I'm going to say, literally there's 400 comedians right there. For open micrs. Easy, easy. 400 open micrs that we wouldn't consider comedians.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

You can't. I don't know if you could qualify the open micr as a comedian.

[Bert Kreischer]

Okay, so then, all right, so then.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

I'm talking, we're talking working comedians that have established themselves with a act.

[Bert Kreischer]

Wow.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

And I just came from the Four Seasons, did an interview there. I worked there for seven years and I was doing comedy. When people asked me what I was, I said I was a waiter. I wasn't like fully developed as a comedian yet.

[Bert Kreischer]

This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. October 10th is World Mental Health Day. And this year we're saying, thank you, therapists. Better help. Therapists have helped over 5 million people worldwide on their mental health journeys. That's millions of stories, millions of journeys. And behind everyone is a therapist who showed up, who listened, and who helped someone take a step forward. Moments in therapy, like the right question, a safe place to cry, or a small win. Can change lives this World mental health day BetterHelp is honoring those connections and the therapists who make them possible while showing how easy it is to get guidance from a licensed therapist online. With BetterHelp, Leanne and I are both in couples therapy and sometimes a small win turns into a big win for both of you. I'm telling you right now, if you're not in therapy, you should check it out. It's helping our relationship immensely and we don't even have problems in our relationship. We just got into it because the girls went to college and we were home alone for the first time when we thought might as well get in front of it. You don't need to be going through the thick of it to get into therapy. BetterHelp does the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals. A short questionnaire helps you identify your needs and preferences and their 10 plus years of experience and industry leading matchmaking fulfillment rate means typically they get it right the first time. If you aren't happy with your match, you can switch to a different therapist at any time. From their tailored wrecks this World Mental Health Day we're celebrating the therapists who have helped millions take a step forward. If you're ready to find the right therapist for you, BetterHelp can start you on that journey. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com bears that's BetterHelp H-E-L-P.com bears that's betterhelp.com bears when it comes.

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[Bert Kreischer]

Ching.

[Tom Segura]

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[Bert Kreischer]

There is. You have. Sometimes I. I am astounded how different we are. When I worked at Barnes and Nobles, I shelved books in the travel section. And my boss asked me one day, my boss, dwayne, what do you do for a living? And I said, I'm a comedian. And he goes, nah, you shelve books. Don't ever forget that.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

I agree with the book guy.

[Bert Kreischer]

And I looked at Dwayne and I was like, that's why you will always work at Barnes and Noble and I will be bigger than you because I had this. I have a delusional. I would say I was a comedian way before I think I was really a comedian. Like, I'd be on a plane and people like, what do you do for a living? I go, comedian. There's no way they can fact check that.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Yeah. I just think you have to be. It's a. It takes a lot to develop the act. You know that.

[Bert Kreischer]

If you're talking about, like, I would say it's. However many I follow online on Instagram, probably not as many. I'd say maybe 200 comedians then, that are working. That are working. Comedians, working. Paying the bills, comedians.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Okay.

[Bert Kreischer]

200 to 400, I would say, just roughly.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

I guess what I'm trying to say is a very finite group of people that are doing this and making a living. I guess that's what it's.

[Bert Kreischer]

And then that gets even whittled down to more specific of the. And out of that 400 fucking half of them are hacks.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Well, then that's another story that we have to get into as far as, like, are these people even funny?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. Or. Or do they know what it's like to write material? Or are they struggling to keep it going on stage? Like, I remember being young and not knowing how to do comedy. But then there's a certain place where you get. Where the joy of comedy. And this is the thing I'm attracted to. The joy of a bit is, like, when you say it, and it's. And then as you say it, you've left it, but your brain goes, you know what I should have said with that is this. And then that next time you go on stage, you got another three minutes with. And you're like, oh, this is going to be a bit. Like, this is. That feeling is. So that feeling is the addictive feeling. And that's the thing I'm obsessed with.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

But only. Only a small, finite group of people know that feeling. And for me, when it comes to creating or doing a special or Doing a TV show or any of it, that is what I'm addicted to. I'm always addicted to the new bit. I'm always addicted. What's next? I'm never addicted to the hour. Like when I get finally do an hour, the month leading up, I'm like, get me out of here. This is killing me. And then the last night I do the show where the last taping, I have an emotional moment where I say goodbye to the material and I'm like, I will never say these words again. In this order. Fucking thank God. It's almost like graduating high school, being bullied all year for four years.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

So you say so long to the.

[Bert Kreischer]

Material, except for the machine. You know, I gotta tell you, I saw you, I mean, you knew I came out to see you at the Forum. You were the first person I ever saw perform in the round and the first person I ever saw perform in an arena. I'd never seen either of those that night. And I had an out of body experience as a comedian. I wanted to see all new stuff, but I was hoping because I had friends with me, that you'd tell some older stuff. And you did. You told like, I think maybe 10 minutes of older stuff of like, you know, like, you know, and I got so excited and I thought to myself, fuck, should I be doing that? Should I be doing some older stuff?

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Because, well, if you talk to Seinfeld, he just loves, he goes, why would I not tell the older stuff? It's stuff that I worked on for years and I've polished and crafted and why am I going to deprive people of not showing that material to them, regardless if they've heard it or not? I think I don't do it a lot. I think I should do it more often. The, the bits that, you know, I have in other specials that that's the reason people are there to see me. Why not give them a little, little taste of that?

[Bert Kreischer]

So what are those bits?

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

I like the company bit, but, you.

[Bert Kreischer]

Know, and, and I'm. The thing I loved about this special. There were hints of that. There's hints of family and the way you were raised and the way that come back. And it kind of encompasses that, which I thought was nice. Like, I, like, I always try to do an Isla bit, like something about my daughter, because they're familiar with that. But keep going, but keep going. The company bit, fucking amazing.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Thank you. I mean, these are just bits that I enjoy doing and people kind of resonated with the Jewish Passover bit. Just saying that the Italians should cater to passovers. Chipotle. I like doing so these kind of like, in my world, these little greatest hits bits that I really enjoy doing that people like. I feel sometimes it's a miss that I don't do them, because people like you, I brought people, and I'm a.

[Bert Kreischer]

Comedian, and I want to hear what you're working on. But I had 10 people with me. Maybe I had 10, maybe I had eight. And I was like, oh, baby, this is. You're gonna love this.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, I love that. And I was like, whoa, what am I doing? Well, you.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

When you bring somebody to a concert and whatever, and you're a fan of that person and maybe they haven't heard this person, you're like, oh, man, this song's gonna be amazing. You feel like you're introducing them to a new comedian, new artist, maybe even a new food, a new wine. They go out to dinner, and you like, you know, hey, can we eat the pasta with the. Oh, we don't do that anymore. Well, you don't do that anymore. Oh, you know, it's like you get upset that you can't share that experience with somebody else. So, yeah, I think you should bring back a few of the bits that people may enjoy. Put that in your notes, everyone. By the way.

[Bert Kreischer]

I wrote this. I forgot what this was. The arrogance of boring.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

What is that?

[Bert Kreischer]

You said that. And I thought that's.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

I said that.

[Bert Kreischer]

Brilliant. You go. You go. I, I. You. No, no, that's. You did say that, kind of. You said something like, I don't. I. I'm private. I don't talk much. I'm keep to myself. I'm quiet. And then I. I wondered, am I boring? And then I thought, there must be boring people that are so arrogant, that are like, I like to be quiet. I don't just look at this talking and telling stories, and they're like, I like to keep it, like, here. You're like, well, maybe it's boring.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Yeah, I. I don't know. I had this epiphany where I think if I'm in a group of people, I generally am not the center of attention.

[Bert Kreischer]

Buddy, you are. You are one of the most fascinating people just to watch from afar. But your every behavior about you is. Is interesting. Even your reactions to when people talk are interesting. The way you take in the world is interesting. And what's crazy is, I would argue I'm a very interesting person. I'm definitely not as much of a main character as you. If we go to A party. I would love to hear your take on everything, Tom. I don't care to hear what he has to say, but he is actually boring. He is the arrogance of boring, where he's just boring and he pretends that he's. He's quiet. You're like. You're not quiet. You have nothing to say.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Well, yeah, I don't have a lot of information to give you in any topic.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's not true.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Well, if you ask my opinion on something, I'll give you an opinion. But you're sitting here, and as you're talking, I'm sitting, going, this guy actually thought about what he enjoys to do leading up to the special, and he likes the development of the movie. I've never even thought of those things. I. I like.

[Bert Kreischer]

Okay, you meet. Okay, let's. Let's. Okay, so you're. You're. You're friends with two of the most fascinating. More than that, but I will argue, two of the most fascinating people in the industry. Jerry Seinfeld and Robert De Niro. Now, when you meet Robert De Niro.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

First of all, I don't. I wouldn't consider, like, I don't talk to Robert De Niro.

[Bert Kreischer]

But you. At all. But you worked with it. Yeah.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

And then even when we were working together, it was no talking.

[Bert Kreischer]

What was it like? Hold on.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

So he's a nice man, but we would do a scene and he would go to his chair and have, like, paperwork, be on the phone, and he would open up a Nobu somewhere, and then he would come back to the acting. Nine weeks. Didn't go to dinner, didn't hang out, nothing. So it was strictly a professional relationship. He's got a family. He went home to visit his family during filming, and we did the press together, but other than that.

[Bert Kreischer]

Trending number one on Netflix, by the way.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Yeah, it's amazing. This movie came out. It came and went into the theaters, and it was at Starz for two years. Now it came to Netflix and people are watching it.

[Bert Kreischer]

Number one. Number one. Did you notice a bump in tickets at all?

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

No, none.

[Bert Kreischer]

Are we doing movies?

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

I only. Yeah, I only have. Thank God. I only have six. Six shows left and on tour. Yeah, just casinos.

[Bert Kreischer]

You know, if this is a real podcast, I go, what's. What do you make of casinos?

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

I like it because it's not a lot of pressure.

[Bert Kreischer]

There's no pressure.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

I'm doing the Casino on Thursday. Yeah, it's the best. It's the best. They go. Thanks for coming in.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Hey, did you did you need some money to gamble with? We don't have to open up a private room. Do you want dinner? Do you want anything? Casinos are the best. I'm not doing enough casinos. And I would argue I am dialed in for casinos.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Yeah, you got to look into the casino.

[Bert Kreischer]

But here's the deal. You sell a different casino ticket than I sell. I sell. What's the little thing that drives people around, like a scooter and an oxygen tank with no sleeves. I'm good at those native American casinos in the middle of the country. Oh, I clean up.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

I'm going to Choctaw, Oklahoma.

[Bert Kreischer]

I've been to Choctaw. I've been there. But you're. I bet your crowds smell good.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Yeah, generally speaking, my crowd has a beautiful scent coming off them, and it's.

[Bert Kreischer]

The first time I work alone as a grown man. Was going to see you at the Forum. I bought Henry Ford. Henry Ford.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Tom Ford.

[Bert Kreischer]

Tom Ford.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Henry Ford's got the motor oil cologne. But it's a lot of pressure being a comedian, doing the venues that we're doing. Looking at the seat map and seeing blue dots, right? It's. It's terrible.

[Bert Kreischer]

The same way we talk about. The same way we talk about what it feels like to create a joke or whatever and have that moment is the same stress that. Like, the. I would say only really 30 of us, 20 of us know. That stress of selling tickets.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

It's a big undertaking, you know? And you start to think, oh, geez, what am I doing in, I think, San Antonio? I went to. I didn't do that well. And, like, it's just not a good feeling to walk into an arena and see black drapes, and you look up and go, oh, yeah, all right. And then you go, oh, if they would have had him in the lower levels, they would have put him up, too, huh?

[Bert Kreischer]

Rockford, Illinois. I sold out the fucking United Center. Not in the round. Not in the round. End stage. And then I'm in Rockford a year later. I'm like, did they not know I was coming? First date of my tour, and I was like, you know what? I'm gonna do a B cream with everybody. Shouldn't take too long.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Oh, shit.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, yeah.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

No, it's. You know, it becomes a. It comes.

[Bert Kreischer]

Listen, it's a. It is a business.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

I mean, when we first start out, obviously you're getting. You know, you go to a comedy club in Addison, Texas, and that was the first place.

[Bert Kreischer]

That was the first place I knew how well you were doing is. I Went there and they had a drink with your name on it. Oh. And I was like, sebastian. You guys know Sebastian, they go, he kills here. He said, really? They go, cleans up. Every show. Sold out. And I was like, wow. And they're like, he's gonna be huge. And I went back and I was like, I think I was talking to Robert Hartman. I was like, hey, man, Sebastian. Selling tickets. I hadn't watched your special. The one in the. In the mauve shirt. Is it mauve?

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Mauve, yeah. Like a peach. Yeah, mauve is. I guess.

[Bert Kreischer]

And I was. And I was like, sebastian, huh? And I was like, really? I go, I haven't seen him. I haven't seen him do stand up in a minute. And I went back. I had seen you tell a story. I hadn't seen you do stand up. Stand up. And I was like, I gotta watch this. And I watched that special in my man cave, and I think I DMed you or texted you immediately and was like, this is fucking incredible. Like, this is like nothing I've ever seen. Like, this is one of the best specials I've ever seen. And I was like, wow, that's gonna be a rocket ship.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Oh, well, that's very sweet, by the way, of you to say. I think the story you are referring to, which you inspired me to work on it more, was. I think it was at the Comedy Store, you had said that I did a. It was a swimming joke, so learning how to swim best. And I. And when you and I. I was unsure of that.

[Bert Kreischer]

That bit.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

And then you had said, oh, you enjoyed it. I. Oh, maybe I'll explore this a little bit.

[Bert Kreischer]

I. I called like five people. I called five people and did your bit to them. And I was like, dude, have you seen Sebastian? It's one of the best bits. It's one of the best bits I've ever seen. Because you. You come from a place. Like, I think I come from a. I don't know where I come from as a comedian. I think I come from a place of confidence, but amount of vulnerability. You come from confidence. When your vulnerability shows up, it's such a unique perspective. And your vulnerability in that bit was coming from a place of confidence, like, almost blind confidence. And it's. I. It made me. She goes, get in the water. I think that's the fucking problem. So wait, here's my question. So I was wondering this today because I was like, I'm not drinking right now. And I miss it. I genuinely miss it. I miss it. And not like, like, crave. It kind of way. I just miss, like, I'm home and I want to have a glass of wine with Leanne outside. And like last night we got in the hot tub and I was like, I just, I was like, oh, it would have been nice to have like a specialty cocktail, like, make something together. Do you. How often do you drink at night? Do you.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

I like wine.

[Bert Kreischer]

I figured you'd like wine.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

I like wine and that. I like the taste of it. And I also, to your point, like it accompanying a act. Hot tub, outside in the yard, cooking, gonna make some food. It's hard not to have like a little wine on, on the side. Right. It's just, it's just, it's, it's, it's, it's nice to do, however, without the wine.

[Bert Kreischer]

Doesn't it feel like you're just eating next to someone, you're wolfing down food? Yeah. When you put the wine, it's like, hey, this is nice. Like, it slows everything down.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

It slows it down. It slows it down. I agree with you, however. And as I grow older and I start to see the effects in the morning and not that I'm getting blasted.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

If I have more than two glasses of wine in the morning, I'm foggy headed, I'm sluggish. I'm not. My workout sucks. And I'm like. It's like, what am I doing? You know, Obviously I feel better when I'm not drinking.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

So what the hell am I doing for what, the two or three hours that it lasts that I'm with my wife on the living room and we're having. It is nice.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's nice. I don't know where you live, but I imagine where you live, and I imagine it's a nice yard. And that last night was kind of a cool night. It was breezy and it was windy. And I just had this visualization. I was thinking of it of like, you know, the kids. I don't know if you have a jungle gym, but they're young enough to still enjoy the outside. And you guys sitting in Adirondacks with a glass of red wine, talking about life and the kids are running around. That's why you drink.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

That's right.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's the fucking moment.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

That's the moment.

[Bert Kreischer]

And if. And I'm sure that sobriety feels. A glass of water feels great. But it's like when you have that wine, it just slows everything down. The Matrix slows down. And you can see the images in the numbers, you know, Well, I wanted.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

To drink last night. I knew I was coming here, right?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

I knew that if I did drink, I might not be. Not that I'm a ball of fucking excitement right now, but I would be even less if I had some wine last night. So I. I.

[Bert Kreischer]

So I would. I would argue the opposite for me. I actually argued with my trainer today that I think I perform better when I'm drunk because I have an inspiration of why I'm working out. Like, I know that if I push it super hard in the gym, I'll feel better because I. If I wake up sluggish and. And hazy, I go into the gym sluggish and hazy, and I'm like, ugh, it's gonna be a rough one. But I have this thing in my head that knows that if I push really hard, that I'll go. I'll end up on the other side of that, and I'll feel amazing. My trainer said today, it's crazy when you're hungover. You come in here literally zapped, and I can see it in your energy. But halfway through the workout, I see you come to life. And then when I leave, I'm like, all right, he's alive now. And when I'm not drinking, I come in alive. I leave alive. I'm like, I don't know.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

No, but you definitely are built differently than a lot of people. I mean, as far as your ability to consume what you consume and live a life that you're productive, I would.

[Bert Kreischer]

Have a hard time. I would have a really hard time living your life. I would have a. Cause I. Because I look at your life, not. I don't mean this envious, but I look at your life, I really. There's little things in your life that I look at, and I go, that's really cool. That's fucking awesome. God damn it. That's cool shit. That's cool that I didn't have it when especially my kids were that age where it's like, the amount of security to know that like, that if you do decide to take a couple years off and coach soccer or just pick your projects or do limited casino runs to that, it's not going to break the bank. It's not going to destroy. You're not going to be upside down. I love that your wife's from Florida. I love your wife's friends, your wife. Your wife's backstory of who she is and the fact that she's an artist and she knows what she likes. She's definitive on colors and, like, that. That kind of shit. I think. Cool. I think your. I think your wife is a fucking awesome partner. Now, I got very lucky with mine, but I'm just saying, from the outside looking in, Lana has always been, like, wildly supportive and low grade cool as shit. First time I ever met her was in an attic somewhere, and she just went up and said, you know this person, this person, this person. I know this person, this person, this person, we should be friends. And I went, I fucking love her. Who are you? She goes, I'm Sebastian's girlfriend. I was like, shut the fuck up. And so, and so I look at life, I think I'd have a hard time managing not overdoing it. Like, when I look at you go, I have a couple glasses of wine. I go, see you, Sebastian. Kill the bottle. Let me see what your wine cellar looks like. Let's get fucking lit. You got a great relationship with your parents. Like, everyone's still alive like this. Like, let's get after it.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Well, listen, that. I think we're.

[Bert Kreischer]

Why don't you have a boat?

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Boat would be nice.

[Bert Kreischer]

You want to buy one together?

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

I wouldn't do any joint ventures with. With large purchases with anybody.

[Bert Kreischer]

I don't like.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

I don't like sharing homes. Like, people. People go in and like, oh, we're gonna get a condo in Florida. Now if I want to go to the condo, I want to go to the condo. Yeah, I don't have to call you and go, are you using it this week?

[Bert Kreischer]

But boats, that's how boats are set up these days, because boats are so expensive. When you get a sailboat, you go in like a timeshare with like, four people. Because no one uses a sailboat every weekend.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

No, I. I know they don't. Do you have a boat?

[Bert Kreischer]

No, I love a boat. What, what, what.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

What boat do you want?

[Bert Kreischer]

Any boat that you want.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Like, are you. Do you know how to steer a boat?

[Bert Kreischer]

I can drive a boat. I can drive a boat. I can sail a boat. Although I'd have to take legit. I'd have to get qualified to sail a boat. But I think sailing is a little more than anyone wants to bite off. But a boat would be awesome.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Can you drive the boat and have, like a skier on the back?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, we're, like, doing that in California.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

I know, but, like, in Florida.

[Bert Kreischer]

Did you. Did you.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

You did that? Okay, see, I. I don't know how to do any of that, so I would need someone like you to. Maybe we should buy A boat.

[Bert Kreischer]

Maybe we should buy a boat. By the way, I. Yeah, I. I was on a text with someone. With someone was like, hey, do you guys want to buy a cave together?

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

A cave?

[Bert Kreischer]

A cave.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

What is that?

[Bert Kreischer]

It was a cave in Arizona that was for sale for a couple million dollars. And, like, everyone throws money in, and we got a cave. And I was like, Rogan was on that text, and he was like, I'm in. And I was like, if Joe's in, I'm in. But then it didn't work out because it was Stanhope that sent the text.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

The same way I feel about Slippery Nipple is the same way I feel about the cave. I'm good.

[Bert Kreischer]

Is there anything you want? Like I was saying, wanting is my favorite part. Is there anything you want that you're like, oh, you know, I find myself looking at these like, I want a motorcycle. I want a house. I want a lot of land in either Idaho or Colorado. Like, that's something I want. I would love a castle. I have a friend who just bought a castle. We have a friend that just bought a castle. I would love a castle. Like, that would be cool. I want to go to Europe this winter. What do you want?

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

I want vacations. I want experiences rather than watches or cars or anything like that.

[Bert Kreischer]

With kids or without kids?

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Both.

[Bert Kreischer]

Both.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

I think it's important that Lana and I take these trips to, whether it be Napa or Mexico or what have you, just to have a couple days. But with the kids now being 6 and 8 years old. Love to get them and. Let's go. They came to Las Vegas for the first time last week, and they're at an age where they could really kind of appreciate the. You know, whatever the pool or whatever it might be. We took them to wizard of Oz at the Sphere, which was.

[Bert Kreischer]

How was it?

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Did you see it?

[Bert Kreischer]

No.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

And I know you've been to the Sphere. I saw it on your Instagram. I think it was either the eagles or.

[Bert Kreischer]

I've been, like, five times.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Oh, you've been five times.

[Bert Kreischer]

I go to kipstop.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Okay. I mean, I thought that was an amazing experience for the kids to see a movie with the. With the wind hitting you, leaves hitting you. There's, like, monkeys on drones. It's pretty. Pretty spectacular.

[Bert Kreischer]

Where's. Where's someone you'd like. Like, where's someone you would like? Where's somewhere you would like to take your kids that you think would be magical for them? And then where's someone you'd like to go with? Lana and Then where's someone you'd like to go by yourself? No one else. You get on a plane by yourself and go there for be it intrinsic value or just something you want to do for yourself.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

I like to take the family to Japan. I've never been to Japan.

[Bert Kreischer]

Japan's the greatest.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Okay. I've only been there with the USO tour, not any. Not socially. So that's where I want to go with the family. With Lana. Jeez. I mean, she.

[Bert Kreischer]

She's traveled a lot, Right?

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

So this is the difference between Lana's upbringing and my upbringing. She went on what they call Semester at Sea. Have you heard about this?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, it's on mtv.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Oh, it is?

[Bert Kreischer]

It was like. It was like they did one year of A Real World on Road Rules.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Oh, they did?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Oh, okay.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Okay. So, you know, in college, a semester was spent at sea going to, you know, safari, Japan, India, you know, all these different places. And I had semester at home. There was no. Nothing. The amount of experience she has had as a youth is. Dwarfs my experience, really, as far as traveling is concerned.

[Bert Kreischer]

Was there a culture shock when you guys first started dating?

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Not so much a culture shock. It was, you know, Lana comes from a, you know, a family that's got some cash. So they've had. They had a different upbringing than I had, which you could see now in the parenting styles. Lana is. I'm the disciplinarian. Lana is more the, you know, happy, go, lucky. It's okay. Have, you know, to have it, you know, and that's good in a way. It's a good dynamic that we share.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's Leanne. Leanne grew up in a trailer going barefoot to school until third grade. Like, nothing with nothing. And I grew up. I probably like Lana. I. I mean, I don't know. I don't really know Lana's background, but I know it's Florida. I know Florida. Is certain places in Florida that, you know, I was rich, but I didn't ask for anything. I mean, this is how I explained my upbringing. I got a car when I was 16. It wasn't the car I wanted, but I got a car when I was 16. So that's. I think that's.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

You buy. You buy your daughters a car.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. Eyeless. I'm still waiting for her to pass a driver's test. She's taking, like, six times. Wow. I'm starting to think she shouldn't drive. Like, she failed it so many times, and I'm like, maybe driving isn't.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

How old is she?

[Bert Kreischer]

19.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

And she's still got her license.

[Bert Kreischer]

Wow. It's. This driver test is kicking her ass. I think it's in her head now, you know, it's like she's got the yips.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Is it the actual driving or the.

[Bert Kreischer]

I've never even gotten behind a wheel. Wow. It's the written test. She's dyslexic. So fucked it. She is. Like, at one point, I had a. I had a guest on. I'll tell you his name. Just bleep it out. And brother was like, you know, there's a guy that can just get you a license so you don't have to take the test. And Isla heard about that. She's like, dad, if you're ever going to use your fucking celebrity for everything, just get me a fucking license. I was like, baby, you got to learn how to drive. You got to. There's a. You got to learn the rules of the. The roads. Road rules or whatever. Rude. You know what. You know what I'm saying? But, yeah, she. She. I. She wants a. What's it? A Hellcat. I show you. She has no frame of reference for the dollar. She doesn't. She's never looked at a price ever. She wants a Dodge Charger Hellcat. Type it in.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

That's.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's a.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

That's a mean car.

[Bert Kreischer]

Well, I think it's $250,000. Yeah, it's pretty expensive. Georgia, on the other hand, I bought Georgia a car, but I bought her the car. Just a safe car. I just bought her a nice car. It's a Explorer. She loves it. But. Yeah, I got a. I got a Fox. I got a Volkswagen Fox. I loved it. My favorite car. But what I was saying is I grew up like Lana. Where I was. I was a little more the fun dad, and Leanne was the disciplinarian. Okay. Yeah.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

I carry the discipline in the house, which is fine, but also I'm completely aware and hypersensitive that these kids are growing up in a different environment that I grew up in. So I am really kind of. I stay on them in regards to chores, and this ain't normal. There's a lot of that going around.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. You got to explain that to them. Yeah.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Because you could fall into this whole spoiled, entitled brat.

[Bert Kreischer]

How do you keep. I wouldn't worry about your daughter as much as your son. Meaning, like, I think a boy. It's more problematic when you see a boy who doesn't understand work ethic. That's the fucking problem.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

I tend to do it with both of them. Yeah, I'm very. I don't wanna say strict, but I'm like, you know this. No one's gonna give you anything in life, including me, so go make your bed. There's a lot of that. Really wash your dish. You know, I'm trying to make it as. Cause I like the way I grew up. Yeah, I like the way I grew up. I like the way my family raised me. Please, thank you. Treat adults with respect, Mr. And Miss, you know, all that stuff. And sometimes that gets lost in the sauce when, you know, you're wrapped up in career or what have you. I never want to look back and go, what the hell was I doing at Choctaw and not teaching my kids or not being at the game for them? Because, bro, you know it as well as I do, and you're at a different stage. You probably look at your daughters and go, I can't believe they're out of the house or they're at college. And what happened to time happened so quick? Quick. And I don't think you could be totally satisfied with the amount of time that you spend your kids.

[Bert Kreischer]

You'd never be satisfied.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

But I think if you have the ability to be with them, then, you know, you should. But listen, my dad was working his ass off. Never really was with me, and we're best friends, so maybe it's all for not. I don't know.

[Bert Kreischer]

My dad worked his ass off, and by the way, he also ran marathons on weekends, so he was gone all the weekends. He coached my baseball team, and we went to sporting goods stores together. We have a great relationship, but he was gone. He worked every fucking day. Yeah, I always look at that like, I have massive regrets about how much I spent on the road, because I spent all the time on the road, same as you, But I didn't have kids yet, so I was just like, I'd have to. But I told someone the other day, young comics, like, I don't know. They were young comic. And he's like, we're gonna freeze our eggs. And they're not even married yet. And I'm like. Like, you just have the fucking kid. I was like, you know, doesn't matter. Like, you're gonna fucking work anyway. Like, what are you gonna wait till you do in theaters? And then when you do theaters, you're gonna go, well, fuck, now's my opportunity. I was like, and then what? You're gonna wait till you do arenas? If you do arenas. Trust me, that's not when you want to start having Kids. And so, I don't know, I feel like I'm jealous of you and Tom and like, even Joe for that matter, because Joe's kid, Joe's kids are a little older now, but he was really present when they were younger. And I go, God, man, that's so awesome. But then I wouldn't have it any different. I, I loved, I loved racing home on a Monday morning to pick him up at school Monday. A little hungover, a little drunk still. Yeah, I loved it. I loved it.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

No, I mean, like, listen, it all worked out the way it should have.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

So you can't really look back and go, hey, I wish, but I, I'm just very cognizant of being there for them.

[Bert Kreischer]

Before we get you out of here, I want to talk about you and Pete. Your podcast is so awesome. Thank you. It really is so awesome. You guys have such a rich connection. How did that start?

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Met Pete on one of those tour, I don't know if you've ever did just for laughs comedy tours where you went to all these little small towns in Canada. Met him on the van with two other comedians, and we basically spent two weeks popping around Canada together and instantly had a great, great rapport. I thought he was one of the funniest guys I've ever met. Without a doubt, quick on his feet. And I'm like, this guy's funny. We start talking on the phone and our phone conversations were really funny. I said, why don't we do a podcast? This is what, 12 years ago? And started doing a podcast. No guests, just talking.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

And you know, he's a beer and peanut guy. I'm like a wine and cheese guy. So the dynamic is, is he's still smoking weed.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, he's, by the way, Pete's. He's so funny. Like, I w, I, I, I, this sounds crazy, but, like, I wish more people knew how fucking hysterical he is. And he lives with his wife and they, they're, were they still in upstate New York in some barn?

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

He recently moved to Rochester.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

From Fredonia. So he, he has a daughter, a 12 year old daughter.

[Bert Kreischer]

And I never thought they were gonna have kids.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Yeah, no, they, Jackie didn't want to.

[Bert Kreischer]

Have kids, you know. No, no. One day, hey, let's have kids. Fucking. I know so much about his wife. Spend time with him. It's like his wife, he's got a great marriage. His wife is his best fucking friend and he's obsessed with her. He loves her.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Completely in love with her. We just spent the weekend with Them in Vegas. She came down for her birthday, and we did Vegas together. And listen, you're right. More people should know who Pete Corieli is. And the podcast, we've been doing it again as a passion project for the last 12 years, called the Pete and Sebastian Show. And he's one funny guy, you know.

[Bert Kreischer]

Bert, I know I'm going to Israel, so I roll, like, 20 joints. That's maybe one of my favorite things to do, is sit down. Jackie takes a dog on a walk. I'm fucking just rolling joints. I put him inside the Marlboro. I then reseal it, right? I end up in a fucking Corvette with this comedian. We get pulled over to roadside. They go, do you have any drugs, bert? I got 20 joints on me. Pete is one of the. Like, you know what he is? He's the one. The one exception, I would say, and there's a bunch of us like this, that he is hysterical. Standing next to him at a bar, at a fucking soccer game, on the sidelines on stage is when he's at his best. I have so many great peace stories. I remember we were smoking pot in Denver. Do you remember the hotel we used to stay at at Denver when you do the improv? It was that hotel that did this. It went like this.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Was that the one in the city or the other one?

[Bert Kreischer]

It was outside the city.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Okay, yeah, yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

And the hotel was like this.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

I remember that.

[Bert Kreischer]

And they had a glass. Sliding glass door and a door. And Pete, I remember I went to the vending machine. I took my. My shirt was off, and I filled the ven. I filled my shirt with. With crackers and chips. Just bags and bags and bags. And then I took them into the room, and I opened them all up wide, and I spread them out like we were gonna have a feast. And Pete's like, look at this guy. And we got beers, we got weed, and we start smoking weed. And Pete goes, whatever you do, don't open the door. It's going to create a tunnel of wind, and all our shit's going into the fucking lobby. Don't open the door. I get a knock at the door, and Pete goes, don't open it. He's trying to shut the window. And I open it, and a van's worth of marijuana smoke hits two security guards, and they're like, you guys got to put that out because I told him not to open the door. They never would have known. God, I fucking love that guy. God, I love. He is one of my favorite guys alive. And your podcast with Him. If, if you have not listened to it, fucking go listen. You guys seem like long lost brothers.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Yeah, well, thank you. I appreciate it. We do have a great time doing it. And yeah, once a week, Pete and I sit down on a Tuesday and kind of talk about our personal professional lives. And Pete's one of those guys to echo what you just said. When he comes to dinner and we're all out on the road, it's like, you know, it's going to be fun and it's one of these guys. So, yeah, Pete's a good dude.

[Bert Kreischer]

Take the fucking stuffed animal, Jackie. Hey, real quick, I wrote down some things last night that I go, Does Sebastian do these? Okay. Because these are things I do. And I was wondering if you do any of these. Do you pee outside?

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

I have peed in my backyard. Yes. Yes, I have done that. Yeah, I don't make it a habit.

[Bert Kreischer]

Have you ever made a spaghetti sandwich?

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

No, I don't know what that is.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's two pieces of white bread and then.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Yeah, but that's. That's terrible. You never have two starches together. You finish the spaghetti and then you have the bread. You never eat bread and spaghetti at the same time.

[Bert Kreischer]

Eminem would beg to differ. Eminem sells spaghetti sandwiches at your mom's spaghetti, and their sandwiches was pretty good. How short are too short of shorts? Like what, what, what inseam? 5 inches, 7 inches?

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Short shorts like you would wear around the house? Yeah, I'd say, I don't know, inch wise, I'm gonna go. If it's above mid thigh.

[Bert Kreischer]

If it's above mid thigh, it's too.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

High, a little too high for.

[Bert Kreischer]

So you don't wear short shorts?

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

No, I don't wear short shorts to work out. Maybe I'll wear a shorter short. But if I'm gonna wear. I'm not a short guy to begin with. I wear like maybe three inches above the knee.

[Bert Kreischer]

So you wake up out of bed in the morning. This morning you get up, you wake up. Do you put on clothes to go into the house or do you go into your underwear and make a cup of coffee?

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

I put a robe on. Do you have a robe?

[Bert Kreischer]

Ow. I have a fucking robe. I have robes, but I don't wear them.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Yeah, I put a robe on as soon as I get up.

[Bert Kreischer]

You put a robe on? Yeah, you put a robe on and.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

I have robes, different robes for different times of the year. So today was a little. It's getting colder out. I brought out my kind of cotton robe. And then during the Summer. I wear a thinner, like, almost like a silk kind of andy Garcia, Godfather 3 robe.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. If there's anything I love. I love learning to do our slippers. No, I'm not wearing shoes now.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

I know.

[Bert Kreischer]

I don't wear slippers. I don't wear. I came. I usually come out butt naked.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Yeah, See, you're. One of these guys is really, like, comfortable in the nude.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Really? No. You haven't woken up in the morning and just walked across your backyard naked with your dog and turned on your sauna and then walked and gotten back in bed with wet feet?

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

No, No.

[Bert Kreischer]

I might get some fucking robes. That might be a fucking look.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

For me. It's more of a. I don't know what I want to do yet with the wardrobe. So it's almost like my. My warmup. Like, what am I going to do today? Where am I going today? Like, I didn't want to get in this outfit right out of bed because I had to eat breakfast.

[Bert Kreischer]

Do you have an outfit before that, or is that your outfit? Did you go robe, robe, shower, this?

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

I don't want to eat breakfast in the outfit that I'm going to go out in in fear that anything might get on the outfit.

[Bert Kreischer]

What did you eat for breakfast?

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

I had a breakfast burrito. I had a steak breakfast burrito from Erewhon.

[Bert Kreischer]

Whoa. What's the price tag on that? 140 bucks.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

I think that's probably an $18 purchase. But I have no kitchen right now. I'm remodeling the kitchen, so.

[Bert Kreischer]

Really? That makes sense.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. I am naked. Coffee. Shit. And then I get dressed for a workout. I work out barefoot. And then I shower in my backyard sauna, shower in my backyard clothes, and then that's what I'm wearing for the day.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

What was this always saying naked? Well, I have kids, and I have a problem. Like, with. I know some kids shot. Some parents shower with their kids.

[Bert Kreischer]

There's an age where you got to stop.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

I never did that.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, for real? Never? Oh, I did it up until, like, they were 18. What's the longest you haven't showered?

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Longest I've ever showered.

[Bert Kreischer]

No, you haven't showered. Like, how many days have you gone without a shower?

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

One day.

[Bert Kreischer]

One day? Yeah. Wow.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

One day.

[Bert Kreischer]

Well, okay.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

I'm. I'm a multiple shower guy.

[Bert Kreischer]

During the day, do you wash your face? Yeah. How many times? Like, once a day.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

So I do.

[Bert Kreischer]

Your skin looks incredible.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Oh, thank you.

[Bert Kreischer]

And mine looks pretty red. I'm assuming. I'm just. I've got acne on my cheeks for whatever reason.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Yeah, no, I saw that.

[Bert Kreischer]

I know. And I. And I've been watching. I'm doing a face regimen now.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

What are you doing?

[Bert Kreischer]

What's it called? Oculus. Was it something. Hey, what's it called? Sandra? Leanne. I just got it. I went to Sephora because I had right on my beard. I'd had pimples right at my beard. And I don't know. It's all. I only place I have them. So I went to Sephora and I got a whole face. It's a seven part face thing. It's like a. It's a. It's a oil, then a soap, then an astringent, then a white cream, then a pink cream, then another cream, then a spray, then an under eye thing. And I've been doing it every day. Wow. But it's. But it's. I'm thinking I'm gonna go to a dermatologist.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Yeah, you might have to.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, do. Would you do wash your face every day? You have like a routine. Yeah. Really?

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

And I have makeup on.

[Bert Kreischer]

Are you serious? Yeah. I told you I should have fucking makeup on. God, you look amazing.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Well, thank you. Give me a take on the makeup. Like, this seems to be the form of entertainment that a lot of people are watching, right?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

So when you go on Jimmy Kimmel or you go on a Conan o', Brien, whatever the show is, you wear any makeup.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Okay. So nothing really different here. We have cameras. This is going to be broadcast to the world. Right. I feel like, you know, little, Little powder. Little foundation.

[Bert Kreischer]

Powder. Foundation would have been smart. I said, should I get hair and makeup? And everyone's like, it's a podcast.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Well, I, I understand. Like, the podcast is raw and raw.

[Bert Kreischer]

Whatever.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

But I had a couple. I had a couple podcasts today, so.

[Bert Kreischer]

I. I should have gotten. I should have gotten makeup.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

You shouldn't have gotten anything. You're. You have no shoes on.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

So why would we even start with.

[Bert Kreischer]

Soap in the shower?

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

You don't wash your face.

[Bert Kreischer]

No, I did wash my face today.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Yeah, but like, generally speaking, you just started.

[Bert Kreischer]

I just started like a month ago.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

So when you're in the shower, there's no soap that penetrates your face at all.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's just water shampoo.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

You use shampoo on, like, if I.

[Bert Kreischer]

Put, if I put shampoo in my hair, I'll just wash my beard and face.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Don't you, don't you, don't you take a bath in the pool?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, I'm A pool shower guy.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Yeah. So that's like.

[Bert Kreischer]

I showered last night in the hot tub. Was my shower. I got in the hot tub, I shower in the hot tub, and then I get out.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Does anybody else do this on the team? Like, does anybody else go, wish we're going to shower in the pool today?

[Bert Kreischer]

Leanne. Leanne actually showered after the hot tub. Like a lunatic.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Well, yeah, you rinse. You got. You rinse that off.

[Bert Kreischer]

She took a shower after the hot tub. She was like, I'm going to take another shower.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Yeah, yeah, that's normal.

[Bert Kreischer]

No, it's. It's clean. It's clean. I guarantee you, if you asked Lana, she. She'd count the pool as a shower. 100%. But she counts the ocean as a shower.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

No, no, no.

[Bert Kreischer]

She has to. She went from Florida. Have you ever pissed in a bottle in a bed?

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

No.

[Bert Kreischer]

Never pissed in a bottle in a bed? No. And then put it in the side of the bed and wait till.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

My grandfather used to do that.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Because he was 80.

[Bert Kreischer]

Do you smell? If you have a slippery smell. Do you smell it?

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

I don't have B.O.

[Bert Kreischer]

You don't have B.O.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

No, I have. I have the whatever. Whatever. The gene or whatever that produces the B.O. i don't have it.

[Bert Kreischer]

Are you serious? Yeah. So do you wear deodorant?

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

No.

[Bert Kreischer]

Are you serious?

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

There's no time for my body to develop B.O. all right. Because by the time if I had it, I'm in the shower again.

[Bert Kreischer]

Really?

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Like, I'm showering after this. I'm showering after this. And there. It's a whole routine.

[Bert Kreischer]

Really? Yeah. So what do you guys got going on tonight?

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Lana is having an event. She is, like, a. Doing a collaboration with Shea Jewelry. She's coming out with her own line of jewelry.

[Bert Kreischer]

For real? Yeah.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Bait. Inspired by her art. So Lana's got jewelry coming out, and she's got a bag line coming out, which I'm really proud of her because.

[Bert Kreischer]

Can we pull it up? Is there anything to pull up? Pull up her art. Her art's fucking awesome.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

I don't know if it's on. Lana Gomez Art. Yeah, there it is. I don't know if she has it on her website yet. It's with Shea Jewelry. I don't know if it's here yet, but the bags, interestingly enough, are one of her paintings. They took and made 50 bags out of her painting. So if you put the bags up, they. They mirror the painting.

[Bert Kreischer]

Can I tell you what's cool about Lana being an artist is she was an artist. She didn't become an artist. She married some fucking comedian. No, no, she's always been an.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Always been an artist, and now she is.

[Bert Kreischer]

And she's always been a good artist. Like, she's been. She has always been at the highest level of art. When you met her.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Yeah, and thank you for saying that. She, she. She's put a lot of time into it, and she spent a lot of time with my career and getting my career off the ground. And now it's time for Lana to. To flourish on her own.

[Bert Kreischer]

So, yeah, I'm going to keep the un squashed. No need for two shining bright lights in our house. Just one light. One light. Let's focus on that. Let the moth fly there and make sure that moth is fed. Look at this. Look at this. That's fucking awesome. Do you have a hard time? Sometimes. I'll take a joke to Leanne and she'll be like, huh? Or like, if I bring into my assistant, this is what. I gotta work on this. He'll be like, whoa, you're not gonna say that. And I go, please don't ever do that. Don't ever do that. But do you have a hard time when she brings you a painting? Because I'm assuming you like me. Don't really. I probably have the fucking finest tuned eye for art the way, like, art people do. Did she do a painting? And then she's like, what do you think? And you're just like, really don't know?

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Well, no, I give her. I give him an opinion. I, you know, she'll go, what do you think? And I'll go, oh, you know, I. I'd like to see some more color there. I mean, this is my opinion. And.

[Bert Kreischer]

And maybe. Really?

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

And then what. What is she. Was she like. Yeah, you're wrong.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

No, very. I mean, she might do it, she might not, but she's very good at accepting any opinion because she's asking me. Right.

[Bert Kreischer]

I only ask opinions to hear you say you agree with. Hey, what do you think of this? You love it. Awesome. That was what I was looking for.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Well, you know, I. As far as telling jokes to people, I. I never preface it by saying you think this is funny. I'll just say it, and if they laugh, then I'll know it's funny. Or if they don't, I go, I won't. I won't say that.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, I. Yeah, I don't know. I. I think.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

I think if you preface it, you set yourself up for like. Or set the person up going, okay, now I'm. Whatever I say.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. You know, I. I had a joke about edited out, but I had a joke about, dude, I have so much I've edited out. You'd be shocked as I had to edit out.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

I got a call from edit that out.

[Bert Kreischer]

Edit that out. By the.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

By the way, I just want to ask the team and you, how many hours or days of footage is edited out? Do we have. Do we have it? Do we have a bin where this stuff lives?

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, we should have an edited out podcast. The day I die. That's.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

That's.

[Bert Kreischer]

Just post it.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

That's what Pete and I were gonna do is like, all the stuff we edit out when we pass away. The podcast is gonna go on for another eight years. With the amount of material.

[Bert Kreischer]

Your special is phenomenal. Your special is fucking phenomenal. I love where you shot it. I love. I. I mean, you're. You're one. There's. When. When you die, if someone would do a high brow dissecting of comedy, you are in a very rarefied era of people who can take. Take anything and make it brilliantly funny. Take the minutia of life and make it so brilliantly funny. You, I always say you and Nate Pargozzi are guys. I can't really wrap my head around how good you guys are at doing what you do. And I. And I do it for a living. And I watch you guys, I'm like, God damn it. I had a joke. I had a joke. I had a joke in one of my specials about raffle tickets. I think I might have told you this about raffle tickets. Won raffle tickets. I won a raffle. 12 prizes in a row. I bought all the raffle tickets. And I kept. Every time I did this joke, I said, God damn it, I wish Sebastian would do this part because it would be. You would make it so funny. And my brain doesn't see things like that. I can't see, like, little things you do are so good when you're talking. I'm watching the special last night, and there's a little thing you do with your mouth where I don't even know if you know you're doing it. And it just is. It adds so much. And I always go back to Seinfeld saying, if I can do an act out and it adds to the bit, why wouldn't I do that? And that is the fucking truth. If you can make a bit funnier, which you have such a gift at doing, is taking a great joke and making it so yours and that is this special. It is phenomenal, man. I'm so happy for you. It is going to be on. It is going to be on Hulu, but it's. It's. Why did I watch it on Disney last night?

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Yeah, it's under the Disney umbrella. Okay, so it's on Hulu.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's going to be on hulu starting Friday, November 21. Is that right after Thanksgiving?

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

That is right before Thanksgiving, yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Dude, let me tell you something. This special is going to blow up because every family is going to sit and watch this Thanksgiving week.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

That's why it's good for Thanksgiving.

[Bert Kreischer]

Huge. It ain't right. Available on hulu starting Friday, November 21. It is filled live at the legendary United center in Chicago. It's so good, man.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Thank you. I appreciate you having.

[Bert Kreischer]

Hey, when Mew and Lana and Leanne.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Going out to dinner, when you stop working.

[Bert Kreischer]

Stop working.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

I think the last time we. We broke bread was when you came to do well done.

[Bert Kreischer]

And Leanne got four Invisalign that day.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

What?

[Bert Kreischer]

She goes. She goes, I'm gonna go get Invisalign. I go, okay, cool.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Wait, she didn't eat?

[Bert Kreischer]

No, because she got Invisalign and she had those bumps all over her teeth. And I go. And she goes, look weird. And I was like, we're going on TV today. Why would you get this done today? She goes, you can't tell. And I was like, I can totally tell. She's like, I'm not supposed to eat for 24 hours. I go, you get plastic surgery and you get your teeth done. That's what you get done. What the.

[Tom Segura]

I didn't know that.

[Bert Kreischer]

This is so sweet of you guys. I was like, can you just not talk? Just put your hand over your mouth like a. Like a wildling. God damn it.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

We'll go out to dinner.

[Bert Kreischer]

All right, let's do it. Hey, congratulations, brother. Thanks for doing this.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

You got it.

[Bert Kreischer]

Bert and Tom. Tom and Bert. One goes tops while the other wears a shirt. Tom tells stories in Bert's the Machine.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

There's not a chance in hell that.

[Bert Kreischer]

They'Ll keep it clean. Here's what we call two bears, one cave. What are your holiday traditions? Putting up a minimum of six trees. Decorating every room with a different theme. Whatever it is, here's one way to make those traditions extra special. Start the season with Etsy. On Etsy, you'll discover original pieces from small shops to help you celebrate your way. Shop Etsy for holiday decor that makes you feel seen. Special starts on Etsy tap the banner to shop now.