Starting A Cult w/ Stavros Halkias | 2 Bears, 1 Cave - 2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

Summary7 min read

Podcast Summary: 2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer Episode: Starting A Cult w/ Stavros Halkias | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Release Date: October 28, 2024
Host: YMH Studios

Introduction and Opening Remarks

The episode begins with Tom Segura briefly promoting his upcoming November shows, which the hosts promptly skip to dive into their main discussion. Bert Kreischer greets listeners, followed by guest Stavros Halkias introducing the primary topics of the episode.

1. The Ozempic Conversation (00:25 - 02:24)

The hosts engage in a humorous and candid conversation about Ozempic, a medication used for weight loss. Stavros mentions that Tom Segura has been using Ozempic since its early release, leading to significant weight loss, which Stavros attributes to the medication rather than hard work.

Stavros Halkias (00:46): "Well, you know, you know what happened is me and you were supposed to do a podcast today. And Tommy is like, I guess I don't know how Ozempic works. For real?"

Bert Kreischer (01:13): "Really?"

Stavros shares his skepticism about weight loss methods, contrasting Ozempic with metformin, a medication he believes is primarily for managing blood sugar levels.

Stavros Halkias (01:21): "And he was like, you just got to get on this stuff. It really like cuts your weight loss. I'm on metformin. I'm not saying that. I'm not, I'm not pervious. Like metformin helps with your blood sugars."

The discussion highlights personal perspectives on weight management and the influence of medication versus lifestyle changes.

2. Promotion and Discussion of the Movie "Starting a Cult" (02:24 - 07:05)

Transitioning from health topics, Stavros passionately promotes their collaborative movie project, "Starting a Cult," set to hit theaters on October 25th. He emphasizes the importance of supporting independent comedies to create opportunities for other comedians.

Stavros Halkias (02:41): "Let's start a cult. It's fucking. We're going to talk about that in a second."

Bert shares insights into the movie's production, highlighting its low-budget nature and the genuine effort poured into making it a laugh-out-loud experience.

Bert Kreischer (03:42): "No less than a million dollars. It is so funny."

The hosts discuss the challenges of scriptwriting under budget constraints, the decision to prioritize humor over plot complexity, and their desire to create a movie that audiences can enjoy in a communal setting.

Stavros Halkias (04:44): "It's a movie fully made with jokes per minute short. You're in and out. You're just having a good time."

They also touch upon the collaboration with talented improvisers and actors who contributed significantly to the film's comedic elements.

3. Behind the Scenes: Making of "Starting a Cult" (07:05 - 16:04)

The conversation delves deeper into the filmmaking process, detailing the intensive 17-day shooting schedule, long working hours, and the dynamic between the cast and crew. Stavros recounts personal anecdotes from the set, including interactions with actors and moments that stood out during production.

Stavros Halkias (10:27): "Short was completely improv. And then this was kind of the exact opposite where we had to really write it because what we were going with the money we had, we couldn't fuck around, unfortunately."

Bert highlights the reliance on improvisation and the importance of maintaining a high joke density to keep the audience engaged.

Bert Kreischer (11:22): "We'll paper over it with a fucking voiceover. Who gives a fuck? This scene wasn't funny enough."

They discuss the balance between script-driven and improv-driven scenes, aiming to maximize comedic impact while ensuring the story remains coherent and entertaining.

4. Health and Lifestyle Discussions (16:04 - 42:24)

The hosts shift focus to personal health topics, particularly sleep apnea and dentistry. Stavros expresses skepticism about sleep apnea machines, contrasting with Bert's positive experience using them.

Bert Kreischer (42:35): "I swear to God, I have sleep apnea. I'm fat. As I was getting horrible sleep. I was waking up with headaches. I put the thing on, I sleep with it. If I don't, if I forget it, it ruins my day."

Stavros critiques the dental industry, sharing humorous yet critical takes on dentists and their practices. The conversation intertwines personal anecdotes with broader humor about health-related professions and challenges.

Stavros Halkias (40:33): "Dentists always upsell you on stuff. They always go, like, yo, you know what you need?"

5. Social Media and Personal Sharing (42:24 - 48:45)

The discussion evolves into the realm of social media, with Stavros and Bert sharing their perspectives on personal sharing, oversharing, and the impact of platforms like Instagram on their personal and professional lives.

Stavros Halkias (45:03): "I'm dropping George off of college. I posted a picture of me crying. Oh, yeah, yeah."

They debate the balance between authenticity and maintaining a public persona, emphasizing the importance of genuine connections over curated online content.

Bert Kreischer (47:32): "It's like, because this is something I struggle with too, which is like, how much of yourself do you put on these, on these social. You know what I mean?"

6. Sports and Personal Interests (48:45 - 67:56)

In a lighter segment, Stavros and Bert delve into their interests in sports, particularly basketball and Formula 1 (F1). Stavros shares his newfound passion for F1, influenced by the Netflix series "Drive to Survive," while Bert discusses his favorite NBA players and teams.

Stavros Halkias (56:29): "Starting with Drive to Survive. And I'm being serious with the NBA is the NBA."

Bert expresses his admiration for players like Giannis Antetokounmpo and discusses the dynamics of modern NBA relationships and team dynamics.

Bert Kreischer (62:51): "Giannis. He's the or the Greek guy, and he's a very. He's a character. And his brother's cool."

They also touch upon the challenges of maintaining personal relationships amidst their careers, emphasizing the importance of time and genuine connections.

7. Political Views and Podcast Discussions (67:56 - 73:38)

The hosts briefly touch upon political topics, expressing their reluctance to invite political figures like Donald Trump or Vladimir Putin onto their podcast. They emphasize the importance of humor over political discourse in their content.

Stavros Halkias (68:37): "I've had politicians reach out to be on my podcast, and I've always been like, no."

Bert shares his admiration for Bernie Sanders, highlighting Sanders' consistent stance on social issues and his unique personality.

Bert Kreischer (69:32): "Bernie Sanders. I actually, I admire him as a human being because he has been."

They conclude by reinforcing the podcast's focus on humor and genuine conversation rather than political debates.

Conclusion and Final Remarks (73:03 - End)

As the episode winds down, Stavros and Bert wrap up their discussion by reiterating the importance of supporting their movie in theaters to help pave the way for future comedic projects. They encourage listeners to attend screenings, engage with the film, and share their experiences to amplify its success.

Bert Kreischer (72:45): "Today could be the first day of the rest of your life, Bird. You can be the guy who keeps that to himself."

Stavros emphasizes the communal joy of watching comedies in theaters, highlighting how collective laughter enhances the experience.

Stavros Halkias (72:44): "The more of these that do well, the more we keep making."

They close the episode with light-hearted banter and heartfelt appreciation for their audience's support.

Notable Quotes and Highlights

Stavros Halkias (02:13): "Let's start a cult."
Bert Kreischer (03:42): "No less than a million dollars. It is so funny."
Bert Kreischer (11:22): "We won't have it. We'll paper over it with a fucking voiceover."
Bert Kreischer (42:35): "I swear to God, I have sleep apnea. I'm fat."
Stavros Halkias (45:03): "I'm dropping George off of college. I posted a picture of me crying."
Bert Kreischer (69:32): "I admire him [Bernie Sanders] as a human being because he has been."

Final Thoughts

In this engaging episode, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer, joined by Stavros Halkias, navigate through a blend of humor, personal anecdotes, and heartfelt discussions. From promoting their indie comedy movie "Starting a Cult" to candid conversations about health, social media, and personal interests, the trio offers listeners a rich tapestry of entertainment and insight. Their emphasis on authenticity, community, and the joy of shared laughter underscores the essence of "2 Bears, 1 Cave."

For those interested in independent comedy and the behind-the-scenes journey of creating a film, this episode provides a compelling glimpse into the challenges and triumphs faced by comedians venturing into filmmaking.

End of Summary

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Transcript711 lines

[00:00]
Tom Segura
Tickets are available now for my November shows coming up. November 8th I'll be in San Diego at the Pechanga Arena. November 9th I'm in Phoenix at the Footprint Center. November 27th I'm in Hollywood, Florida at the Seminole hard rock. And November 29th I'm in Tallahassee, Florida at the Donald Little Tucker Civic center. Get tickets@tomsagura.com tour 100%.
[00:22]
Bert Kreischer
Cheers.
[00:26]
Stavros Halkias
Hey guys. Brand new Two Bears One Cave Thompson Gur is getting his levels checked for Ozempic and he is not here. You know if you. Have you ever thought about Ozempic?
[00:33]
Bert Kreischer
I've thought about it. I started by getting zamped up. Yeah, yeah. The more I. Because I think my guest. Hey, what's up? Hello everyone. I think I've completed the the Two Bears grand slam where I've been a guest bear both ways.
[00:46]
Stavros Halkias
Yeah.
[00:46]
Bert Kreischer
And I've been on with both of you.
[00:48]
Stavros Halkias
Well, you know, you know what happened is me and you were supposed to do a bird cast today.
[00:51]
Bert Kreischer
Yes.
[00:52]
Stavros Halkias
And Tommy is like, I guess I don't know how Ozempic works. For real?
[00:56]
Bert Kreischer
I think, oh, this is an Ozempic issue.
[00:58]
Stavros Halkias
Oh yeah, for real. Oh yeah, it really is. He does joke ones about me and I just tell the truth. I just tell the fucking truth and everyone goes, oh, it's a joke. No, it's not a joke. Oh wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's been on, he's been on Ozempic for the second it came out. He got on it.
[01:14]
Bert Kreischer
Really?
[01:14]
Stavros Halkias
And he. That's how he lost all the weight. Everyone's like, no, no, hard work really, really wasn't hard work. Do you think he looked in the mirror one day and he's like, this.
[01:22]
Bert Kreischer
Is pissing you off. I can tell that he's the sexy one.
[01:25]
Stavros Halkias
No, I almost got on it. I almost got on it when he got on it before anyone was doing it.
[01:29]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah.
[01:29]
Stavros Halkias
And he was like, you just got to get on this stuff. It really like cuts your weight loss. I'm a metformin. I'm not saying that. I'm not, I'm not pervious. Like metformin helps with your blood sugars. It's pre diabetic medication.
[01:39]
Bert Kreischer
Metformin.
[01:40]
Stavros Halkias
Metformin, yeah. I don't know what it does.
[01:42]
Bert Kreischer
Smart, smart. Don't look into the thing that's altering your body chemistry. But it's all right. You're super healthy. Every other way. You don't do anything else that might you up either.
[01:54]
Stavros Halkias
I just got my blood work back.
[01:56]
Bert Kreischer
How's it looking? Love to hear that.
[01:58]
Stavros Halkias
Perfect.
[01:58]
Bert Kreischer
Love.
[01:59]
Stavros Halkias
To the point where she said, this is the healthiest you've ever been.
[02:02]
Bert Kreischer
Wow.
[02:03]
Stavros Halkias
And by the way, I've been partying up until like two weeks before I got my blood work. So it's. Biomarkers take like 110 days to change. So if you want to lower your. All your results, you got to quit everything for 110 days.
[02:13]
Bert Kreischer
Do you ever think that you might have been capable of something so much better than what you're doing and you're using your body to just not die from alcoholism? Do you think, like, every day.
[02:25]
Stavros Halkias
Every day. Do you know. And I don't know what it would be last night. Yeah, I was sick. I was legit sick. And. And I got sick in the morning. I worked out anyway, and I was like, I doing a podcast, Leanne. I started falling asleep and then I was like, yo, I don't know if I can go to the premiere night. Your premiere?
[02:42]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah.
[02:42]
Stavros Halkias
Let's start a cult. It's fucking. We're going to talk about that in a second. This is. This is the one time. And I've said this before, I said this with the machine. And I'm. And I'm. And I mean it. And I know I got a lot of negative backlash because it sounded self serving when I said it. Well, it's not self serving when I say it about you. You will be in movie theaters October 25th. That's right, October 25th. This goes into movie theaters. Let's start a cult.
[03:04]
Bert Kreischer
Y.
[03:05]
Stavros Halkias
This. And I, I'm. I mean this from the bottom of my heart. When you support a project like this and you give it love in the movie theaters, it creates more opportunities for other comics to do stuff.
[03:16]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah.
[03:16]
Stavros Halkias
Because places like Dark Horse, Dark Sky. Dark Sky. Go. Listen, we invested, I'm guessing, $7 million in this project.
[03:25]
Bert Kreischer
No less than a million dollars.
[03:28]
Stavros Halkias
Are you serious?
[03:29]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah.
[03:30]
Stavros Halkias
It is so funny.
[03:32]
Bert Kreischer
It's incredibly shoestring. It's a super low budget comedy.
[03:35]
Stavros Halkias
We're going to. I'm going to. We're going to talk about this ad nauseam because I do want. I know it sounds crazy, but like, here's the deal, you know, and look.
[03:43]
Bert Kreischer
A million dollars is a lot of money, but we shot. That's like, we shot a movie with a ton of locations, a ton of actors over like four weeks. So to do that with a bit from For Less, like, I think it was like 750, something like that. Yeah, it was crazy. It was so cool.
[04:01]
Stavros Halkias
And I just say this where there's going to be a link in our bio or whatever in our descriptions. Go support this in movie theaters. Go support it in movie theaters. Buy a ticket. Stavi's going out with the whole group and they're doing like Q&As and they're going out to a bunch of cities. We're going to talk about all that. We're going to talk about all that. I want to get back to what we were talking about before.
[04:19]
Bert Kreischer
The medicine that's keeping you alive. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
[04:22]
Stavros Halkias
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, but. So I felt sick yesterday. And then I was like, you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna take a nap. And I. And I haven't been drinking. And then I took a nap and immediately I bounced back and I was like, nice. I feel good. I think I have superior genetics.
[04:36]
Bert Kreischer
I wouldn't phrase it that way.
[04:38]
Stavros Halkias
I think I've watered them down my whole life.
[04:39]
Bert Kreischer
Yes.
[04:40]
Stavros Halkias
Yes. And I've. I've. I've put myself at 50% and achieved 100%.
[04:44]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah.
[04:45]
Stavros Halkias
I can't imagine.
[04:46]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah.
[04:47]
Stavros Halkias
What I would have looked like had I been the guy at 25 that said, fuck stops here. I'm going to start eating clean.
[04:54]
Bert Kreischer
Let me ask you this, though, Bert. You know how. Let's say, you know, take an egg, right?
[04:57]
Stavros Halkias
Yeah.
[04:57]
Bert Kreischer
You crack an egg and you put it in on the fucking sidewalk. Or you even. You keep an egg in a fridge, let's say. Right. Perfect conditions, eventually it'll go bad. You pickle that egg with booze and that egg can last forever. You might have preserved yourself in booze somehow.
[05:15]
Stavros Halkias
Dude, I look at.
[05:16]
Bert Kreischer
You're like beef. The beef jerky of guys.
[05:18]
Stavros Halkias
I'm going to tell you an example. I have a friend who's been. He was aggressively fat his entire life.
[05:23]
Bert Kreischer
Sounds cool.
[05:23]
Stavros Halkias
Yeah. And then when he started trying to get healthy, he just started looking old. He's maybe. How much younger is Tommy than me? Tom looks like a 70 year old man. He looks like a 70 year old man.
[05:38]
Bert Kreischer
It's more salt and pepper, though.
[05:40]
Stavros Halkias
But it's like. It's like aging. If you put me and time together, you think we're the same age. I'm like a generation older than him.
[05:46]
Bert Kreischer
Interesting.
[05:46]
Stavros Halkias
But I look so much better. It's wild.
[05:49]
Bert Kreischer
I think this, this is also another one of your great skills. Completely overrating yourself. I don't know that you look that much better, Bert. You're jacked. I'll give you that. You're stronger.
[05:59]
Stavros Halkias
I'll tell you what my great skills are. I am. I am amazing. I'm amazing at recognizing talent. I'm hardcore amazing.
[06:05]
Bert Kreischer
You are. Yeah.
[06:06]
Stavros Halkias
I really am. And I'm not even around there. I said to Leanne, I'm embarrassed.
[06:12]
Bert Kreischer
I mean, everybody on. On Fully Loaded is awesome, but think of all the.
[06:16]
Stavros Halkias
I mean, not like I'm not. I'm not gonna toot my own horn, but I will say that. That I met you probably 10 years ago.
[06:24]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah.
[06:25]
Stavros Halkias
And fell in love with you immediately. Immediately.
[06:27]
Bert Kreischer
Thank you, bro.
[06:28]
Stavros Halkias
And I said to Leanne, I'm embarrassed of the statement because it's so like, it's. She goes, what? I said, we watched the movie yesterday. We went into screening. It is so funny. You are so fucking funny. But more importantly, you produced this. You wrote it.
[06:44]
Bert Kreischer
You co wrote it with my buddies. Yeah. Ben Kitnick and Wes Haney. Who.
[06:47]
Stavros Halkias
Wes is amazing.
[06:48]
Bert Kreischer
Super funny.
[06:49]
Stavros Halkias
So funny. But you filled it with such amazing talent.
[06:52]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah. Eric Rahill. So fucking funny.
[06:53]
Stavros Halkias
Is that the dude who pay the puka guy?
[06:55]
Bert Kreischer
Yes. He's so fucking funny. He's in the new office. He's a cast member. He's a part of the writing staff. But Eric is fucking hilarious. Katie Fullen is hilarious. Katie's Daniel Simonson, dude.
[07:05]
Stavros Halkias
Daniel Simonson shows up. For anyone who's. Two years ago, Daniel Simonson shows up and delivers what I could only say is competitive to coffees for closers monologue. Am I right?
[07:17]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah. He has a great. He has a great moment in the film. Yeah.
[07:19]
Stavros Halkias
And so. But the one. The one thing, I was driving home with Leanne and I was like. I said it, and I don't know if it's because I'm getting older or whatever. So I'm so proud of Stavi. And she goes, you have. There's no reason for you pride that.
[07:30]
Bert Kreischer
There's no reason.
[07:31]
Stavros Halkias
Well, no, but I feel like I met him when he was younger. I met him with a shaved head.
[07:35]
Bert Kreischer
No tooth, and like.
[07:37]
Stavros Halkias
And then. And then you. You legit carry a movie. You carry a movie. You're in 80% of the scenes, if not 95 of them.
[07:45]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah, you're a lot.
[07:46]
Stavros Halkias
You carry the fucking movie from the opening, from the fucking. This movie is so good. Within the first seven seconds, you are laughing out loud. Within the first 30 seconds, you're like, I'm taking my coat off. I'm in, like, legitimate. And it got huge laughs in the screen. Let's talk about the movie right now. Let's talk about. Yeah, yeah. So do me a favor. On. On The WI fi. Will you pull up all the places you're taking this movie?
[08:10]
Bert Kreischer
Yes. And we, yeah, we're. We're so right now we have some special screenings in New York. We're doing a. We're doing on opening night on the 25th. And then we're also adding Saturday. We have a Tuesday screening in New York and we have one in Baltimore as well, Thursday. But then, yeah, we're trying to take it more places. A lot of AMCs are showing. We're trying to get some Regals to show it. So it is super indie, right? Like, and Dark sky to their credit. They're a small, you know, production company, but they gave us pretty much as much money as they could. Like the budget kept going up and they were like, look, we cannot do any more than this. So just like do what you can. And we're showing it and I think right now, 20 cities, hopefully that's going to be a few more. And yeah, it's. I just think it's important. I loved Cop. I mean, I think we're similar guys where, you know, I grew up on comedies. I watching them. And I love the like super Confident Idiot, right? The best, the best character that exists in like from Adam Sandler to. It's kind of like Adam Sandler, Will Ferrell to Bill Murray. Bill Murray, Yeah, Bill Murray. You know, right there, all, all that stuff.
[09:18]
Stavros Halkias
Bill Murray joined the army in stripes thinking this is a no brainer.
[09:22]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah, yeah.
[09:23]
Stavros Halkias
It's like the Confident Idiot is my favorite.
[09:26]
Bert Kreischer
It's so fun. And there's so many different, you know, you know, pieces to that. Right. Danny McBride. I mean, eastbound and down, my favorite show ever. And I think I want to do a version of that. That's what I've loved growing up and I loved watching those movies on DVD when I was a kid. And then. But I remember even seeing Anchorman in, in a theater and like seeing, you know, all the Apatow movies, all the Seth Rogan movies in theaters and like there's. They don't make. You just. They don't make like. And it's 90 minutes, right? It's 89 minutes. Cause that's the other thing. Fucking brief. Full. It's about the last.
[09:59]
Stavros Halkias
You said. Last night you said an 89 minute comedy is fucking perfect.
[10:03]
Bert Kreischer
Great dirty work was 82 minutes. You know what I mean? And it's like that's one of my favorite comedies of all time. And yeah, dude, it was like we had a weird opportunity to make like what I want to do is Just make the shit that I loved growing up. And so Dark sky kind of approached us about making us. We had. We made a short version of this and we just. They let us write the script. They let us do whatever the fuck we wanted as long as.
[10:26]
Stavros Halkias
Were they involved? Were they involved with the short?
[10:28]
Bert Kreischer
No.
[10:28]
Stavros Halkias
Okay, so you made the short. You, Wes, and Ben is the director. Right. You guys made the short and you improv the short.
[10:35]
Bert Kreischer
Short was completely improv. And then this was kind of the exact opposite where we had to really write it because what we were going with the money we had, we couldn't fuck around, unfortunately. And that sucks, because. Dude, Eric Rahill, K.D. fulin. Like, these people are so funny fucking around. Bobby Kelly plays my dad in it.
[10:53]
Stavros Halkias
Bobby Kelly.
[10:53]
Bert Kreischer
You know what I mean?
[10:53]
Stavros Halkias
Yeah. Bobby Kelly is so funny. We had so much stuff fucking. What's his name plays your brother?
[10:57]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah, Ethan. Ethan. Ethan, Ethan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, we had great actors and really funny people, but it was great, man. And basically. And we had a lot of stuff we had to cut because I think there's something so fun about a movie that honestly, we cut plot stuff out. Cause we were like, this is boring, but it's not funny enough to be in this movie. We'll figure it out. We'll paper over it with a fucking voiceover. Who gives a fuck? This scene wasn't funny enough.
[11:21]
Stavros Halkias
What was the plot thing?
[11:22]
Bert Kreischer
I mean, I just like establishing certain, like, me and a conversation me and Wes had in a hotel room that had some jokes, but it just wasn't like, this is a movie fully. The point is, it's a movie fully made with jokes per minute short. You're in and out. You're just having a good time. You're not going to fucking waste an entire evening. You could throw this movie on and just fucking laugh for a half hour, pause it, come back and like, you know, great cast, funny people. It was. It was honestly a dream. And. Yeah, dude, I just. I want. That's what. The one thing I really love doing is just working on stuff with funny people. Doing tires is really. This was. This was right before Tires. But it's like I shot this and then we shot season one of Tires and like, season two of Tires is so fun. Everybody's so funny. And that those two experiences really were like, dude, let's just make something funny and stupid. And, you know, there's. There's plenty of nudity. Most of it is male, unfortunately. But next time we're getting titties in the movies that's another problem I have there was always you could always count on a nice titty break about 17 minutes into an 80s comedy. We got to bring those back.
[12:31]
Tom Segura
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[15:01]
Stavros Halkias
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[16:04]
Bert Kreischer
We gotta bring titties back into movies.
[16:06]
Stavros Halkias
My biggest regret with the machine is there is a moment where we're all in this jet and we all wake up after everyone's been doing coke.
[16:12]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah.
[16:13]
Stavros Halkias
And in the moment in Serbia, I went, we should have someone show their tits. And my. And my. My. My producer Kale was like, yeah. The way the industry works now, we don't just start asking today. I don't know.
[16:29]
Bert Kreischer
You could have figured it out in Serbia. Yeah. Yeah. I've seen some interesting. Some interesting films from Serbia. I've seen. I've seen what women will do for a ride to the town center. I think you could have gotten. I think you could have gotten some tits in the machine.
[16:45]
Stavros Halkias
Dude.
[16:46]
Bert Kreischer
It was Mark Hamill sucking on some titties.
[16:49]
Stavros Halkias
We had a. We had a. I'll tell you who it is. Off came and I know this is the part. This is the reason I'm not the first guy on everyone's call sheet these days.
[16:58]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah.
[16:58]
Stavros Halkias
Because I love telling the secrets.
[17:00]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah.
[17:00]
Stavros Halkias
We had a huge celebrity who wanted to be the dad in that movie who was like, I feel like there should be a sex scene between me and the mafia gangster. And we were all like, that's like an awesome.
[17:14]
Bert Kreischer
He's like, Like a main character. Not like it would be funny if the dad had a sex scene. Like, no, I should fuck the actress.
[17:20]
Stavros Halkias
Yeah. And we were. Everyone was like on a zoom. Like, cool. Yeah, I guess we won't have.
[17:32]
Bert Kreischer
That's awesome.
[17:33]
Stavros Halkias
I know, right?
[17:34]
Bert Kreischer
And completely makes sense. Completely.
[17:36]
Stavros Halkias
Just bleep his name out.
[17:39]
Bert Kreischer
Bleep Bert's mouth too. People will be able to put it together.
[17:42]
Stavros Halkias
The. Yeah, man, it was so fun. And you. You sold it so well. You got up there and you're like, you know. And I was watching everything from 3,000ft up because it was like, I've been to a lot of premieres lately because the girls aren't home and Leanne and I are like, let's go see a movie.
[17:58]
Bert Kreischer
Sure.
[17:58]
Stavros Halkias
And there is a grandioseness to presenting your project, which I'm sure I was probably guilty of too. You walked up tracksuit, by the way. I had the same tracksuit, yes.
[18:09]
Bert Kreischer
I saw it hanging. I was like, did I leave it here?
[18:11]
Stavros Halkias
No. Leanne goes, baby, he's wearing our track. I bought matching tracksuits for me and her. But you walked up and you're in a fucking sick ass tracksuit. And you walked up and you were went, I haven't seen this movie in a while. I hope you like stupid comedies.
[18:24]
Bert Kreischer
That's what you just walked off stage.
[18:26]
Stavros Halkias
And then everyone's like, what are we in for? Within seven seconds, everyone's laughing. And there is a communal feeling when everyone's in the movie theater where you laugh hard. It's so fun to laugh. Strangers, dude.
[18:36]
Bert Kreischer
That's the fun. That. And that's why it doesn't really make sense to put it in theaters. Like, my fan base is all on the Internet, you know what I mean? But I just re. And it's a risk. And I'm. And I. And we're going, you know, town to town. We're doing Chicago, Baltimore, New York, and if places will put us in theaters and I'm off of tires, I'll go. I'll show up to a screening just because I just believe in. I just want people to go to theaters and see. Because people been. We've been very lucky. People have been paying to see us do standup. And that's awesome and that's cool. And that's communal. But, like, why not a fucking comedy movie? Again, like, why? That's so. I'm just trying to like. And that's why it was also super low budget. You know what I mean? Like, well, it's.
[19:16]
Stavros Halkias
You have. You have A real small threshold to break to make this profitable for your. For your. For your buyer, for people making it for you. Which I think is brilliant. And I think. And I gotta be honest with you, I think, you know, I think you. I really see this. I could. I see this movie easily. And I'm not even joking around with a limited run. I see you making a wild profit on this and just making that the business model and go, all right, let's make another one for like 4 million.
[19:40]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah, that's the thing. The only thing I want to do is like. Because it was kind of a little. It was tough. Cause we were working like long ass days. And like, it was pretty tough.
[19:51]
Stavros Halkias
You shot in 17 days.
[19:52]
Bert Kreischer
We shot in 17 days. And these are like, you know, 12 hour days. But we also wrote, an executive produced it. So like every night we're going over, you know, which scenes we're doing, we're going over all the ang. We're talking the cinematographer. So they were like 16, 17 hour days. And then I would just get high as shit and eat Taco Bell until I passed out every night. Like it was.
[20:11]
Stavros Halkias
When did you shoot this?
[20:13]
Bert Kreischer
This was right after I shot my special last. This was last June.
[20:17]
Stavros Halkias
Wow.
[20:18]
Bert Kreischer
So I shot my special in May and then a week later we shot the movie. And then it was a crazy. It was a crazy year. But all I want is to just make it a little more. Because if we had like one more week, this would have been the best month of my life. But it was a really tough three weeks. But who gives a fuck? I'm not crying about it. It's just like, it's fun. Something came out of it. And yeah, I just want a little bit more money so that I can also cast all, you know, pay all your friends what they should, like, you know, make a. And it wasn't. It honestly is a labor of love in that standup. Last summer, dude, we were fucking. I don't know what the fuck happened in the economy where standup comedy was the only profitable business for like a year. But like, I just didn't go on the road. Cause I. And I was just like, I just need to make this movie right now because these shit, you know, you never know when someone will let you make a movie. When you get the chance, you gotta take it.
[21:10]
Stavros Halkias
I would argue. Well, you. I think you're in a. I think you're in a sweet spot. You're in what we call the proverbial catbird seat.
[21:17]
Bert Kreischer
Hell. Yeah.
[21:18]
Stavros Halkias
Because you're making things that you think are funny, which dials right into your fan base. I kept saying. You know, one time I was with a comic who said, I'll say his name. It's a weird statement, but I've been overusing it.
[21:30]
Bert Kreischer
Okay.
[21:30]
Stavros Halkias
I want to give him credit.
[21:31]
Bert Kreischer
Okay.
[21:33]
Stavros Halkias
Hasan Minhaj.
[21:34]
Bert Kreischer
Yes.
[21:35]
Stavros Halkias
And we were at the Tom Brady roast, and I was in a tux, and I was very uncomfortable. And he said, you don't. You don't look like you're enjoying your outfit. And I said, I'm miserable right now.
[21:45]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah. Yeah.
[21:45]
Stavros Halkias
And he was in a crazy dope suit.
[21:48]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah.
[21:48]
Stavros Halkias
He pulled.
[21:49]
Bert Kreischer
He dressed very well.
[21:50]
Stavros Halkias
And he goes, buddy, this is my fastball.
[21:52]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah.
[21:52]
Stavros Halkias
And the idea that this is my. It's a really brilliant statement because I loved. I love fastballs. I can never hit a curve.
[21:59]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah. Yeah. I couldn't.
[22:00]
Stavros Halkias
And your whole movie was your fastball. It was everything I love about you. And it was everything. It was everything. I mean, it was like, from your silliness to your seriousness to your heartfeltness. Like, your character was fully developed in, like. In that everyone that was working on it knew what were your fastballs were.
[22:19]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah, I think. I think. And that's. You get to. You know, we wrote it ourselves. And I. I'm not.
[22:24]
Stavros Halkias
I mean, to the point where, like, no, I'm not even fucking around. I was like, dude, they milked this cow from ass to hoof. Like, there was, like. There's a part of the movie that is all I felt was an homage to your calendar.
[22:37]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah, yeah, yeah, there is.
[22:40]
Stavros Halkias
It was.
[22:40]
Bert Kreischer
For sure.
[22:41]
Stavros Halkias
It was so fucking great.
[22:42]
Bert Kreischer
There were things I definitely wanted to do, you know, without. You know, without spoiling. But there's some very fun. Yeah. Probably the biggest laugh of the movie is. Was one of my favorite things to do.
[22:54]
Stavros Halkias
Hold on. There's. There's. There are. There are. I'm going to say, like, within the first. I've never had. I've never seen a movie that opened this funny, this fast. I'm being serious when I say that. Even Happy Gilmore, it's like he builds into it.
[23:08]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah.
[23:08]
Stavros Halkias
Like, Happy Gilmore's pretty funny when he just starts fighting everyone.
[23:10]
Bert Kreischer
He's like, I disagree, for the record.
[23:12]
Stavros Halkias
Okay.
[23:13]
Bert Kreischer
But I appreciate it. Let's name it.
[23:14]
Stavros Halkias
Movies that opened. Fucking hysterical. Like a movie that opened and you go, oh. I mean, I can tell you the best trailer I ever saw, without a doubt, was fucking Austin Powers.
[23:25]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah. Yeah. Austin Powers does open really strong. It opens really strong because as that prologue. And then it has the like. Or it Has, I think, the credits. It's just like, him coming out and everybody fucking loves him. That's a great. That's very. That's a. That's a contender for sure. Yeah. I'm trying to remember how I just, you know. You know, it's fun to do mount, like your top four. If we did letterboxed comedies, that would be really fun.
[23:50]
Stavros Halkias
What do you mean?
[23:50]
Bert Kreischer
Like our. You know. Have you ever seen that letterbox thing where it's like your favorite. Your favorite four, and they go and ask, like filmmakers and whatever, like their top four. Anyway, essentially, you're Mount Rushmore.
[24:02]
Stavros Halkias
Of comedies.
[24:03]
Bert Kreischer
Of comedies. And that's a fun. Because I don't know what's opened the strongest. I can't, off the top of my head, think of it. But, like, you know, for me, it's.
[24:11]
Stavros Halkias
Definitely, like, type in most profitable comedies. Billy Madison. I was a slow take, too.
[24:17]
Bert Kreischer
I love. I mean, see, I was. I think I was also the right age. Like, I was. I was discovering, like, I was a big. As a little kid, I was a big sandler on SNL fan. And then getting that on, maybe it was even vhs. And you know what's funny? One thing, a comedy that legitimately I loved and I watched maybe as much as anything was Night at the Roxbury, because I was a huge Will Ferrell on SNL fan. And I love that sketch. And I. And I watched it recently. I think it holds up. Personally, I think it fucking rules.
[24:46]
Stavros Halkias
Can I also tell you one that is a sleeper that I still think to this day is one that I. I quote all the time. Yeah, yeah, Corky.
[24:53]
Bert Kreischer
Corky Romano.
[24:55]
Stavros Halkias
Yeah, yeah, Corky Romano.
[24:56]
Bert Kreischer
Want some cookies? And that scene where Chris Penn can't read and he's ordering ice cream, like, that is so fucking. And it says, like, ice cream flavors. Chocolate, vanilla. He's like pistachio. And they're like. And he just keeps saying he's great in it. Yeah, that's a very.
[25:16]
Stavros Halkias
There's a line when Corgi Romano does coke and he goes, this is gonna be. We should buy a boat. Who wants to buy a boat? I say that all. I said we should.
[25:23]
Bert Kreischer
Corky Romano's good, dude. Corky Romano's good, but doesn't crack my top four.
[25:29]
Stavros Halkias
These are the most profitable fucking movies.
[25:31]
Bert Kreischer
No, I don't think so.
[25:32]
Stavros Halkias
That can't be right.
[25:34]
Bert Kreischer
I don't think that's right.
[25:35]
Stavros Halkias
That's absolutely not right. There's no way.
[25:38]
Bert Kreischer
But these are some bangers. I mean, for me. For me, it's probably like, Billy Madison was definitely one for me. I mean, superbad.
[25:48]
Stavros Halkias
Okay.
[25:49]
Bert Kreischer
Step brothers.
[25:50]
Stavros Halkias
Okay, hold on.
[25:51]
Bert Kreischer
Yes.
[25:52]
Stavros Halkias
Okay, hold on. Let's slow this down.
[25:53]
Bert Kreischer
Sure.
[25:54]
Stavros Halkias
So Billy Madison. Better than Happy Gilmore?
[25:59]
Bert Kreischer
For me. Yeah.
[26:00]
Stavros Halkias
Okay.
[26:01]
Bert Kreischer
For me. Yes. I think I also. I think it's stupider, which I like.
[26:05]
Stavros Halkias
Yeah.
[26:05]
Bert Kreischer
It's so absurd. And there's so much like. And one thing I'm really excited about is, like, because we had some moments where I think this. The let's Start a cult gets kind of more unhinged the more it goes on.
[26:17]
Stavros Halkias
I said it to Pete today. It's my. It's. There are two things in this movie that are subtle, things that I don't think anyone's going to pick up on that I'm not even going to say. I'm saying you can bleep it out. But where I made me laugh out loud. The two things. The two things are the fucking.
[26:35]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[26:36]
Stavros Halkias
Just. Just cut to him. Don't show me that.
[26:38]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah, I love that. We love that.
[26:41]
Stavros Halkias
And then cut to him again. This is the other one. When. When the guy comes out and takes the.
[26:45]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah, yeah. That was. That's one of our favorite jokes.
[26:49]
Stavros Halkias
Fucking. That's the. That killed me. I've been thinking about it all day. I've been thinking about it all day. You have one new voicemail.
[26:59]
Bert Kreischer
Hi.
[26:59]
Leanne Kreischer
So you would be so proud of me. I'm hosting Thanksgiving for my friends and I was stressed because I really wanted it to feel just like Michigan. But then I found the same stuffing mix that you use on Instacart, and I ordered instant gravy, canned cranberry. What else? Oh, I got everyone a little butter sculpture shaped like a turkey. All right, I should probably get cooking, but I miss you today. Happy Thanksgiving moment. Oh, and you should download Instacart. It's way easier than sending dad to the store. Download Instacart and enjoy free delivery on your first three orders. Service fees and terms apply.
[27:28]
Stavros Halkias
The holiday season officially starts when you.
[27:30]
Leanne Kreischer
Get that first card in the mail.
[27:32]
Stavros Halkias
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[27:38]
Leanne Kreischer
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[27:41]
Stavros Halkias
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[27:52]
Leanne Kreischer
Smile 40@shutterfly.com and send something meaningful this year.
[27:55]
Stavros Halkias
See site for more details.
[27:57]
Bert Kreischer
And that's what's cool about having, I mean, everyone, that when we Every. Like, we had nothing but funny people. Like, our main cast was all super gifted improviser standups. It was me and Daniel. And then it was like, Wes, Eric and Katie are all incredible improvisers. So even in this, even though we couldn't really improvise the scenes that much, there were little moments like that that we were like, this would be really funny if we did that. You know?
[28:19]
Stavros Halkias
And, you know what's so funny is that it's.
[28:21]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah. For me, that's why Billy Madison. They have so many moments that are. The Penguin, the dance sequence where that music comes in and just so much, you know, so many fucking Jim Downey's speech, you know, May God have mercy on your. Where he's so over the top at the end. That's one of the worst dances I've ever heard. And may God. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. And may God have mercy on your soul. A simple no would have been, you know, like, anyway. So for me, that's why it's more absurdist. Happy Gilmore, still crazy. Still has, like, Sandler's weird. But yes, absolutely, I take Billy Madison.
[29:00]
Stavros Halkias
I'm going to find out the answer right now. Hold on, about what? Hey, everyone. I am here with Stavi and he has a new movie. Let's Start a cult. Let's start a cult. It's going to be out June or October 25th in theaters. You have to go see it. But here's the question we're asking. What's a better movie? Happy Madison.
[29:16]
Bert Kreischer
No, no. Or Billy Madison.
[29:18]
Stavros Halkias
Billy Madison or Happy Gilmore.
[29:20]
Bert Kreischer
Yep.
[29:20]
Stavros Halkias
Billy Madison or Happy Gilmore. Let's see what the poll.
[29:23]
Bert Kreischer
Billy Madison Hive. Billy Madison Hive. Check in.
[29:27]
Stavros Halkias
Madison Hive.
[29:28]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Beehive we saw.
[29:31]
Stavros Halkias
So I'm a little bit older than you. We saw Happy Gilmore in theaters, and then we came back and there Billy Madison was on vhs.
[29:39]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah.
[29:40]
Stavros Halkias
And we watched it the first time and it's so disconnected from reality that we had a hard time connecting. And it wasn't until I smoked weed with one chick that I dated over the summer and she started quoting Billy Madison that I got the brilliance of it.
[29:52]
Bert Kreischer
I mean, Norm is so funny in it, too. That moment where they're like, coming up next, a story about a disgraced millionaire son who's cheating his way through high school. And Norm's like, now, hold on. They could be talking about somebody else. It's so good, man. But, yeah, I think I would go with Billy Madison. Superbad. Stepbrothers.
[30:19]
Stavros Halkias
Step Brothers is perfect.
[30:21]
Bert Kreischer
It's awesome. And then I don't know what my four spot is. That's hard. There's so many.
[30:25]
Stavros Halkias
So I got. I remember seeing Ghostbusters in movie theaters. I remember seeing Stripes in movie theaters. Yeah, I remember. I mean, Fletch, for me, was the perfect comedy because that. Here's the.
[30:38]
Bert Kreischer
I love those.
[30:38]
Stavros Halkias
I mean, here's the problem with Fletch is that he's smarter than the room. Which is a weird thing in comedy because it's like.
[30:44]
Bert Kreischer
Well, Fletch is also. They made a really. They just made one with Jon Hammer, Jon Hamm, and it was directed by the same director, Superbad Greg Mottola, who's great. And it was a different take on Fletch. Like, it was. I think Fletch was never supposed to be like that. It wasn't really supposed to be Chevy Chase. It was supposed to be like a little. I don't know, like a little drier.
[31:09]
Stavros Halkias
Yeah.
[31:10]
Bert Kreischer
And. Which was really good. But I liked Fletch. You know, like, this is. There's something a little generational because I like all those movies, and there are parts I really enjoy, but there's also parts where some of those movies are slow for me. Like, what you talk about things building, and I think each generation gets a little faster. And I'm sure kids younger than me are going to be like, you know, I mean, they're already better editors and video and directors just. But, like. And they get to the point fast. But some of those 70s movies, I love scenes of them. And there's real. And the characters are great. And John Candy in Stripes is so fucking funny.
[31:44]
Stavros Halkias
John Candy. John Candy might be. I have such a tether to him because I heard Steve Martin. I was just talking to someone about this the other day. Heard Steve Martin talk about maybe the Jerk.
[31:54]
Bert Kreischer
Maybe getting a Steve Martin movie in the top four year.
[31:57]
Stavros Halkias
Right. The Jerk Transplants and Automobiles. Uncle Buck. Uncle Buck.
[32:01]
Bert Kreischer
Yes. Planes Race Automobiles is so good.
[32:03]
Stavros Halkias
Uncle Buck.
[32:04]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah.
[32:05]
Stavros Halkias
Is so fucking good.
[32:07]
Bert Kreischer
I really want. I know remakes are overdone. I would love to play Uncle Buck.
[32:11]
Stavros Halkias
Can I tell you?
[32:12]
Bert Kreischer
I would love. They should do the way the Joker is. The way every, like, actor proves they're like. Every fat comedian should get to play Uncle Buck. That should be our Joker. You know what I mean? Like, why does fucking everybody prove themselves wrong?
[32:22]
Stavros Halkias
You know, they did it with Mike Epps. Oh, yeah. They had Uncle Buck with Mike Epps.
[32:27]
Bert Kreischer
Not the same. Gotta be a fat guy, in my opinion.
[32:29]
Stavros Halkias
Yeah.
[32:29]
Bert Kreischer
Gotta be a big, fat white I don't know. That's be white. It has to just be white. This goes back.
[32:34]
Stavros Halkias
No, there's a family dynamics in a black household are different than in a white household.
[32:38]
Bert Kreischer
No. You can have a fuck up uncle in a black family. No.
[32:41]
Stavros Halkias
But it's so much more makes sense to have that fuck up uncle and a white family.
[32:44]
Bert Kreischer
Can you not imagine a black family with their shit together? Is that what you're. Is that what the problem here is, Bert? You can't imagine a successful black family that has a fucking dumb ass uncle because they exist.
[32:57]
Stavros Halkias
No. Black uncles are always ways around. They're like. They're like, good. They show up. I'm not. I'm not gonna go do deep this.
[33:05]
Bert Kreischer
But I'm just saying that you could have a family that's well off and they have the black sheep. Like you could have a complete train wreck. Black sheep.
[33:15]
Stavros Halkias
That's the generational part. Is I only because I had so many up uncles. I had nine of them.
[33:20]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah.
[33:20]
Stavros Halkias
That I identified a me. All my uncles right now are like, hold on. They were all fuck ups. At one point that all moved to Florida and lived with us. So I got that. So. Well, I was like, oh, yeah, Uncle.
[33:33]
Bert Kreischer
An uncle just crashing out is so funny. A grown man needing to. Because he can't move back in with his parents because they're dead. So he has to fucking move in with his sibling. That's so fucking pathetic.
[33:45]
Stavros Halkias
Uncle Buck's one of the best uncle bucks. One of my favorite. I watched Uncle Buck when Liam was giving birth to Georgia. She was like, she's going through contractions.
[33:53]
Bert Kreischer
Can you keep it down? I'm John. Candy is being very charming and you're fucking yelling in my ears.
[33:58]
Stavros Halkias
Here's a question I want to ask you. I just had. I don't know if it's aired or not, but it will air. Is. We had Judd Aptow on as. As a guest bearer. And I know Judd's gotten some negative feedback online because of his politics.
[34:12]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah.
[34:12]
Stavros Halkias
And because. And because of his.
[34:13]
Bert Kreischer
I think the slap was kind of hard. He said, like, he could have killed him about it. Like, I thought he overdid. I mean, a lot of people kind of got. Yeah.
[34:23]
Stavros Halkias
He said he would have killed Will Smith.
[34:24]
Bert Kreischer
Something like that. I think people got a little like, all right, let's relax. It was. These are two. These are two millionaires who's. And Will Smith's brain has melted because of. Because of being famous since he was a child. And he got so cucked that his brain Turned to mush. And it was actually an insane moment where he kind of. He was about to. People forget he was about to get his Oscar. He got an Oscar like, 40 minutes later. And for. It was like a Greek tragedy. So it was like there was so much more going on, I thought, than an overreaction. But Judd is the man. I mean, those movies are he. I mean, oh, 40 year old virgin, which, you know, he produced Judd Apatow's movies.
[35:00]
Stavros Halkias
It's almost like, what's crazy? And I said this to Judd is like, anyone who ever gives him online, they should start with. Before I start. Hey, just thanks for my sense of humor.
[35:11]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah. Oh, dude, Forgetting Sarah. I mean, heavyweights. You want to talk about a movie I want to remake. I want to make heavyweights bad, dude.
[35:17]
Stavros Halkias
Dude.
[35:18]
Bert Kreischer
No, no. He.
[35:19]
Stavros Halkias
This is 40. Fucking amazing. Trainer, amazing. Pineapple Express. Fucking amazing.
[35:25]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah.
[35:25]
Stavros Halkias
I mean, this. It's crazy when you look at his body of work that, like, you know.
[35:32]
Bert Kreischer
And not just the. And not just the movies, but, like, you know what he was a writer on, who he collaborated with, the Larry Sanders Show. I mean, all this stuff.
[35:40]
Stavros Halkias
Who he shepherd along the way and would be, like, just cool with and go, like. I mean, you think of all the kids, like, like I said. I said this to. I don't know who I said this to, but I said, for real. For real luck or talent? Do you think Seth Rogen is who he is today? Had he never met Judd.
[35:57]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah.
[35:57]
Stavros Halkias
You think he would be still? I. I mean, I don't.
[35:59]
Bert Kreischer
Not who he is today.
[36:00]
Stavros Halkias
He wouldn't be. He wouldn't. But.
[36:02]
Bert Kreischer
But that's so much of it. I mean, he's definitely a. An insane talent, but.
[36:05]
Stavros Halkias
He is an insane talent, but you need.
[36:07]
Bert Kreischer
There's something you need. Luck. Yeah. Yeah. You every. Yeah, absolutely. A lot of life is luck, and.
[36:13]
Stavros Halkias
And a lot of life is, like, I always say my luck was. I know my luck, and I always try to quantify that. Sliding glass door moment. Tom got invited to dinner with Charlie Murphy.
[36:24]
Bert Kreischer
Hell, yeah.
[36:25]
Stavros Halkias
And Charlie Murphy was, like, 45 minutes late. And as Tom waited for Charlie Murphy and his group of friends, Rogan walked up to him and said, hey, man, I'm Joe. And Tom's like, I'm Tom. Joe's like, you're really funny. We should hang out. And Tom's like, cool. That moment changed my life, because had I never met Joe, I wouldn't be here today.
[36:44]
Bert Kreischer
That's the truth.
[36:45]
Stavros Halkias
I think too many people think. Think they're the fucking shit you got to remember.
[36:48]
Bert Kreischer
We think Charlie Murphy's tardiness set off a series of events that led us to this table right here with. To this. To this vodka existing with.
[36:58]
Stavros Halkias
I would argue Charlie Murphy is the reason we're all here today.
[37:01]
Bert Kreischer
Wow.
[37:03]
Stavros Halkias
Think about it.
[37:04]
Bert Kreischer
Okay, let's leave him.
[37:05]
Stavros Halkias
Let's just sit. I love Chappelle. Chappelle's like one of my. A friend, but I say hero, and he knows that when I hang out with him, he knows how I feel about him. Chappelle show was pretty great.
[37:16]
Bert Kreischer
Awesome.
[37:17]
Stavros Halkias
However, without the Charlie Murphy, Rick James sketch, does it become the juggernaut it was? That sketch was so.
[37:26]
Bert Kreischer
It was fucking. It was like, cultural. I mean, I was in high school when that came out, and you could not. You heard, I'm Rick James, bitch. Constantly, constantly, constantly.
[37:37]
Stavros Halkias
Yeah, he had to stop touring.
[37:39]
Bert Kreischer
I get it.
[37:39]
Stavros Halkias
Because they would yell, I'm Rick James, bitch. And Chappelle's like, I do stand up.
[37:43]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah, yeah.
[37:44]
Stavros Halkias
No, let's think about Charlie Murphy, Eddie Murphy's big brother. Eddie Murphy was.
[37:48]
Bert Kreischer
Let's just say, oh, Charlie Murphy, this is an incredible take. I know where you're going. Go ahead, lay it out.
[37:54]
Stavros Halkias
Eddie Murphy, notably, tough guy, learned how to box, but a soft dude. He's an artist. He does not exist in Brooklyn without Charlie Murphy as a big brother.
[38:02]
Bert Kreischer
You're absolutely right.
[38:03]
Stavros Halkias
We do not get Eddie Murphy. If we don't get Eddie Murphy, we don't get Chris Rock. If we don't get Chris Rock, we don't get all. Think about Farley, Sandler, Spade, all of Chris Rock's best friends. Without Charlie Murphy, we are not.
[38:18]
Bert Kreischer
I don't know. You're losing me with them, but no.
[38:20]
Stavros Halkias
Because think about this dude. Chris Rock's a legend. Spade, Farley, all those guys are amazing. Sandler, all those many. But Chris is the. Chris is a fucking thought guy. Chris Rock got snl, though.
[38:32]
Bert Kreischer
I mean, he had snl, but he kind of flopped on snl and he had to go do his own thing.
[38:36]
Stavros Halkias
Did he flop or was he just not the guy that popped on scenes? Think about Chris Rock. He's had a prolific brain, right?
[38:41]
Bert Kreischer
Don't get me wrong. I think Chris. What Chris Rock has accomplished is so much better than snl. I respect Chris Rock so much more. Don't get me wrong. I'm just saying he was the one who didn't. That was not his medium. He clearly needed to go be a stand.
[38:53]
Stavros Halkias
But he might have been. He might have been the guy in the room that. That gave them the idea you know, sometimes you got the guy in the room, but Charlie Murphy is so pivotal.
[39:02]
Bert Kreischer
Charlie Murphy just giving us Eddie Murphy. And then the Tom meets Joe domino. Those are two big dominoes, man. Yeah.
[39:10]
Stavros Halkias
I mean, I start getting like. I start going down rabbit holes. Because I do believe in time travel. Hardcore.
[39:18]
Bert Kreischer
Don't say that. Online trolls are gonna be like, all right, gotta go back in time and kill Charlie Murphy so I don't have to fucking hear about Bert. You said that some fucking nerd is working on the math right now. He's going to Brooklyn in the 80s with a sniper. He's setting up shop.
[39:39]
Stavros Halkias
It's like, I've had enough of this. Doesn't believe in sleep apnea. A. Alcoholism.
[39:45]
Bert Kreischer
You don't believe in sleep apnea?
[39:46]
Stavros Halkias
I don't believe in sleep apnea.
[39:47]
Bert Kreischer
Wow.
[39:47]
Stavros Halkias
I don't. You ready? You ready? Okay, here's where. This is where I become. Either you love me or you go, I've had enough of him forever.
[39:54]
Bert Kreischer
Yes, yes, yes.
[39:57]
Stavros Halkias
I went. Dentists are. Are quacks. They don't believe in dentists.
[40:00]
Bert Kreischer
Okay. Love this great takes, Dentist you have. And I did see two gold teeth in your mouth. Four.
[40:06]
Stavros Halkias
I have four gold teeth.
[40:06]
Bert Kreischer
Four. Who did that?
[40:07]
Stavros Halkias
Dennis.
[40:10]
Bert Kreischer
Here's the reason you can have a sandwich right now without excruciating pain.
[40:22]
Stavros Halkias
But.
[40:22]
Bert Kreischer
All right, I'm willing to hear you out. We'll throw that aside.
[40:33]
Stavros Halkias
There are some good ones. I just think what happens with dentistry is a guy goes to school for four years and thinks that they should have. If you go to school for four years and you get to wear white, then you go, I should be getting boats. And, like, I need the finer things in life. But you're just a dentist. You're just technically, like, cleaning teeth and then replacing a tooth, right, every now and then.
[40:59]
Bert Kreischer
Yep, yep.
[41:00]
Stavros Halkias
But they go, fuck that, dude. It's like. It's like when. It's like when club comics go, I gotta start working theaters, okay? And then they. And then they do theaters, but they get a shit deal. Cause they're only doing one show, and they're. Well, I should have done. Stayed with clubs.
[41:14]
Bert Kreischer
Sure.
[41:14]
Stavros Halkias
So dentists always upsell you on stuff. They always go, like, yo, you know what you need? I'll tell you right now. I had a dentist tell me. What we need to do is we need to break your jaw, pull all your teeth, replace your teeth, and then you'll be comfortable. And I was like, what?
[41:28]
Bert Kreischer
I mean, this sounds like one bad guy.
[41:30]
Stavros Halkias
Oh, I've had a number. You know what? You need. I can't replace that tooth. And then you just go to. If you go to a non English speaking dentist, they can always do the work for you. Yeah, that's like a mechanic. Mechanics are always like, you get good mechanics and then you get bad mechanics.
[41:43]
Bert Kreischer
Sure.
[41:43]
Stavros Halkias
I think the same happened with sleep apnea. Sleep apnea was such a thing. That was in the ethos.
[41:51]
Bert Kreischer
Well, this is the fattest country in the history of time, so that's probably part of it.
[41:57]
Stavros Halkias
And so what they started doing was going like, yo, we can sell these $2,000 machines and tell people they need them. Look, they'll buy them. I don't give a fuck if they use them. They're not gonna die, but they'll buy them. Then they're gonna realize, I can't do this every night. And everyone's got a sleep apnea machine. I have three sleep apnea machines. I've never used a sleep apnea machine. Yeah, that's three of them.
[42:15]
Bert Kreischer
You should do that.
[42:16]
Stavros Halkias
What?
[42:17]
Bert Kreischer
You should use them.
[42:18]
Stavros Halkias
No, I can't. They're bullshit.
[42:19]
Bert Kreischer
They're not bullshit.
[42:20]
Stavros Halkias
Do you have a sleep apnea? I do. You.
[42:22]
Bert Kreischer
It literally changed my life.
[42:24]
Stavros Halkias
Oh, hold on.
[42:25]
Bert Kreischer
I swear to God, I have sleep apnea. I'm fat. As I was getting horrible sleep. I was waking up with headaches. I put the thing on, I sleep with it. If I don't. If I forget it, it ruins my day.
[42:36]
Stavros Halkias
Okay. Have you ever passed out and had good night's sleep without it?
[42:40]
Bert Kreischer
Not really.
[42:41]
Stavros Halkias
Really?
[42:41]
Bert Kreischer
I mean, if I'm so up, I pass out and I'm kind of groggy. Sure. But that's the drugs.
[42:46]
Stavros Halkias
Drugs.
[42:46]
Bert Kreischer
That's edibles, like. Yeah, but no, it always. I mean, these are just.
[42:50]
Stavros Halkias
Do. Do you travel with it?
[42:51]
Bert Kreischer
I do. I have a travel seat.
[42:52]
Stavros Halkias
Do you use. Do you pull it out on a plane if it's a long night? Long.
[42:55]
Bert Kreischer
I have done that before.
[42:56]
Stavros Halkias
For real?
[42:56]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah.
[42:57]
Stavros Halkias
Joe Coy. So this is. They're outliers, like you and Joe Coy.
[43:00]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah, we're the outliers. You're like, you got to have a dentist that doesn't even know English and sleep apnea is fake. If a dentist can read English. No good.
[43:11]
Stavros Halkias
You know what? Why is it that black men always agree with my theories and white guys always poke holes in them? I was with two fucking brothers the other day and they were like, yeah, fuck sleep apnea.
[43:20]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah.
[43:20]
Stavros Halkias
And fuck alcoholism.
[43:21]
Bert Kreischer
Well, you know, the black community is dealing with a lot of. They have a lot of health problems. I think they should not be going to you. There's hypertension is tough. I bet sleep apnea is a problem.
[43:30]
Stavros Halkias
Are you on statins?
[43:32]
Bert Kreischer
No. What's that?
[43:33]
Stavros Halkias
That's the next one. That's the big one. What are you saying? Dennis, go to school for eight years. Dennis, go to school for eight years?
[43:42]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah, they're like real doctors and they're very.
[43:44]
Stavros Halkias
Dennis, go to school for eight years?
[43:47]
Bert Kreischer
I guess so.
[43:48]
Stavros Halkias
You're not. No one's getting a 25 year old dentist. Every dentist is like 30 years old.
[43:53]
Bert Kreischer
That's a great question.
[43:54]
Stavros Halkias
Wow, that's crazy.
[43:55]
Bert Kreischer
I guess maybe you could get a. If he really crushes it. Or she 26 year old if he goes right out of 8 from 18.
[44:02]
Stavros Halkias
I'll tell you who I tell you I really trust is what's the ones who just do root canals. I don't know that it's. Endodontist. Endodontist. Endodontists just do root canals. They're fucking legit.
[44:16]
Bert Kreischer
Okay, okay. So you have specific tooth like doctors that you trust.
[44:22]
Stavros Halkias
Oh, no.
[44:22]
Bert Kreischer
Interesting.
[44:23]
Stavros Halkias
Crowns, veneers. I don't trust those guys. They always go, we can make it better. Like, yeah, but then you get like the guys from 1856 that, that Yellowstone remake where everyone's got perfect teeth and you're like, what year was this?
[44:34]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[44:34]
Stavros Halkias
What year was this?
[44:35]
Bert Kreischer
Seven years. I gotcha. No, I'm with you. I think what you're describing is just that some people are better at their jobs than others. And I don't think we can say that a whole industry is a frauds.
[44:46]
Stavros Halkias
I love when people poke holes in like especially when you try to do a bit or you like try to like try to work something out. Someone poke holes in it and they go, you know, you know, obviously my favorite one. I forget who I told this to. I was dropping George off to college. I almost want to read the fucking text.
[45:03]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[45:04]
Stavros Halkias
I'm dropping George off of college. I posted a picture of me crying. Oh, yeah, yeah.
[45:08]
Bert Kreischer
That's tough. You gotta stop doing that, man. No, you gotta stop posting pictures of you crying. You could just save that for the family scrapbook.
[45:16]
Stavros Halkias
Nope. It's what I do. It's me, it's me. It's 100% me. It does.
[45:21]
Bert Kreischer
It does.
[45:21]
Stavros Halkias
It 100% does.
[45:22]
Bert Kreischer
Today could be the first day of the rest of your life, Bird. You can be the guy who keeps that to himself.
[45:27]
Stavros Halkias
Did you unfollow me?
[45:28]
Bert Kreischer
No. No.
[45:28]
Stavros Halkias
Okay, then that's all I care about. I wouldn't unfollow you. You're my friend, but I go unfollow me cuz I don't give.
[45:32]
Bert Kreischer
I would unfollow my friend if he relapsed on heroin, but I'd be like, buddy, this is bad for you.
[45:38]
Stavros Halkias
The. The. I. Goddamn it. What was I. Oh, I looking for this text.
[45:45]
Bert Kreischer
How did they do?
[45:46]
Stavros Halkias
I'll tell you. You know why? I put.
[45:47]
Bert Kreischer
How's college going?
[45:48]
Stavros Halkias
It's going great.
[45:49]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah.
[45:49]
Stavros Halkias
It's going great for both of them. George is in her third year. She's having a blast. And Isla's really thriving.
[45:55]
Bert Kreischer
That's the first freshman's first semester, right?
[45:58]
Stavros Halkias
Yeah.
[45:58]
Bert Kreischer
Wow, that's a fun time.
[46:00]
Stavros Halkias
It really is. I gotta tell you. Like, her texts are fun. Like, her texts are like, that is awesome.
[46:07]
Bert Kreischer
I mean, that's. I do understand. It is an emotionally charged time. Your last kid. Yeah. I loved the first semester of my freshman year, and then I got caught smoking weed and I had to move back home. And that was horrible.
[46:20]
Stavros Halkias
But for real.
[46:21]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah. Different time. Your kids will be fine.
[46:23]
Stavros Halkias
Yeah, I. They found a. I'm not going to get into it.
[46:27]
Bert Kreischer
Good.
[46:28]
Stavros Halkias
See?
[46:29]
Bert Kreischer
See this.
[46:30]
Stavros Halkias
Is this the new part of Bert?
[46:32]
Bert Kreischer
This is new Bert.
[46:33]
Stavros Halkias
No oversharing.
[46:33]
Bert Kreischer
No oversharing. We just did it.
[46:35]
Stavros Halkias
Shut up.
[46:36]
Bert Kreischer
You just did it, buddy.
[46:37]
Stavros Halkias
This will make my daughter so much happier.
[46:39]
Bert Kreischer
See, I mean, it's. It's happening in action. We're watching.
[46:42]
Stavros Halkias
You know what happened the first time when I would drop George off? I. I was crying and Isla got a picture of me, and then she posted on my Instagram.
[46:48]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah.
[46:49]
Stavros Halkias
And I. And. And what happened is all my friends that were dropping their kids off hit me up and they're like, dude, I'm going through the same thing.
[46:54]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah. Yeah.
[46:55]
Stavros Halkias
And so that's. And so when I dropped Ilo off, I was like, you know, she posted one of me of Georgia when I dropped her off, I'm gonna post one of me. We were on the plane and I was like, I'm gonna post a picture. And I posted it. I don't do. I don't really care about, like, the Instagram, what people feel about it, like. Cause I go, I don't really care. What was funny was all the people, all my friends that I grew up with, that's what I use Instagram for a lot is.
[47:17]
Bert Kreischer
No, you don't.
[47:17]
Stavros Halkias
All my friends.
[47:18]
Bert Kreischer
You use your. Now this is lying.
[47:20]
Stavros Halkias
What?
[47:21]
Bert Kreischer
You use Instagram for your career.
[47:23]
Stavros Halkias
Oh, yeah, you're right. No, but I still post pictures of my family.
[47:28]
Bert Kreischer
But it's it's your. You know what I mean? It's like a business thing. And I struggle with this too, because.
[47:33]
Stavros Halkias
It'S like when I first got on Instagram, it was just for friends and family.
[47:36]
Bert Kreischer
That's over. We know that.
[47:37]
Stavros Halkias
I know, but I still post pictures. Like, I still have. I post pictures of like, like the last first day of school, I posted that.
[47:45]
Bert Kreischer
That's. Then that's cute.
[47:46]
Stavros Halkias
Yeah. And so like, it's. So if it's just a business account, then I should get rid of. I should scrub everything daughter wise. But it's also weird because my entire career is about my family.
[47:58]
Bert Kreischer
No, I get that. I get that. But I guess, I guess it's like, because this is something I struggle with too, which is like, how much of yourself do you put on these, on these social. You know what I mean?
[48:06]
Stavros Halkias
You're way better than.
[48:07]
Bert Kreischer
But it's also. It happens. It happened. To your credit, it did shift in the middle where it's like, it did start as kind of like a fun little photo sharing app. And it somehow, especially once Twitter kind of shit the bed, it kind of became the main social media platform that everybody uses. And it did kind of, you know, it just, it came. It just kind of like shifted out from under us. But I don't know, I just feel like once it has become that and it is hard because you post stuff like that and it does get traction, but it's like, for what? And I've even thought about that sometimes with my act where it's like, there's certain. There's stuff I'm working on right now for the next hour and I'm really excited about it. I'm not gonna cut anything yet, but there's stuff that I'm like, is this too personal? Do I need to do this in a specific context? Do I have to do like a. Maybe as much as I've made fun of them in the past, does this make more sense as like a one man show type thing? Or is there something other? Do I need to be. Do I need to be milking this At a certain point it's like, people will these people in your life do see this thing? And I've thought about that. It's like, how open and honest do I want to be? And then on the other hand, it's. That's kind of what you're doing. That's kind of what the job is. But does it have to be that? Do you have to be that candid? And I'm speaking to you as in.
[49:26]
Stavros Halkias
Like, you know, we can talk about me personally.
[49:29]
Bert Kreischer
No, no. I mean, do I have to be that candid?
[49:31]
Stavros Halkias
I've shared everything with. I've shared everything with everyone. Always. I mean, I've shared the most intimate details that. And we've had. I talked about Isla getting her period on one of my specials, you know, like. But it. For me, here's the thing. And I know there. I know there's people that if you don't understand a little bit of it, you're never gonna understand it with an explanation.
[49:51]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah, yeah.
[49:51]
Stavros Halkias
So, like. And there's people right now going, no, no, I understand all of it. And I don't even need the explanation. But the explanation is, I think in comedy, I try to connect with people more than I want them to. I want to connect.
[50:07]
Bert Kreischer
That's for sure. That's definitely like, I'm a storyteller.
[50:10]
Stavros Halkias
I'm not like a joke guy. I don't care to offend people.
[50:12]
Bert Kreischer
I don't think shows are fucking a good time. Everybody's like, it feels like a legitimately friendly atmosphere. I think the audience is there having a good ass time.
[50:23]
Stavros Halkias
I'm not like.
[50:25]
Bert Kreischer
Which I think is the point of comedy. You should be having a fucking sick time at every show you go to.
[50:30]
Stavros Halkias
When I watch Shane, and for as long as ever I've ever watched Shane Gillis, I. Every time I go, I wonder how many dudes in that audience go, I could be friends with him. And by the way, you could.
[50:39]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah.
[50:40]
Stavros Halkias
He's so fucking fun.
[50:41]
Bert Kreischer
He's the man.
[50:41]
Stavros Halkias
And he is who he is off stage. And on stage, he's the same fucking guy.
[50:44]
Bert Kreischer
He'll just go drink at a. He's just the most fucking famous guy in Philly. And he'll just go to. I mean, the most famous guy on almost every city he's in, and he'll just go to a fucking bar and just hang out. And he's the. Like, I tip. And he's having a good time. Yeah, he's the man.
[50:59]
Stavros Halkias
But I think that I watched when I started comedy, and maybe this is one of those things. Once again, generationally, I watched people put on their Personas. They were an act. And it always rubbed me wrong. Yeah, if you were some guy on stage and then you got off and you're like, hey, man, please don't touch me or talk to me. I was like, wait, what happened to the fun guy?
[51:18]
Bert Kreischer
I'm with you.
[51:18]
Stavros Halkias
And so I never got that. So I've taken. I've separated church and state and entirely, I've just. I've turned it into one fucking org where I go, everything you get, whether it's on Instagram, whether it's on stage, whether it's on a podcast, everything is fucking 100%. I'm gonna give you all of it. And if it rubs you the wrong way, like, what's crazy is like, well, I'll use Norman. Cause, you know, I love him. But, Mark, Norman makes a joke that offends people, and people go unfollowed, not funny. I have someone in my family that has that. That's the same as me posting a crying picture. And people go unfollowed, unfunny. I don't need to see this. And I go, cool. Then that's my. Because I don't know another way to do it. So I just go, eh. And the joke I was going to tell you is, please. That I think is so fucking funny is I post that picture and what happened is the day I posted it, my texts from everyone. So you got to realize, my age, we're all dropping our kids off of college. We're all dealing with this exact same thing at the exact same time.
[52:22]
Bert Kreischer
And it's one of life's heaviest things because. Because. Have you seen that? I don't want to make you start crying now, but have you seen the statistic about. Oh, let's see. Have you seen this about. You spent. By the time, like, your kid's 18, you spent, like, 90% of the time you're going to spend with them. Yeah, that's up, dude.
[52:37]
Stavros Halkias
It's so.
[52:39]
Bert Kreischer
I get it.
[52:39]
Stavros Halkias
Yeah. And so I started getting texts from all my friends, and they'll contact, and.
[52:43]
Bert Kreischer
I'm just going to try and make you cry, and they'll talk to you less and.
[52:46]
Stavros Halkias
No, they talk to you better.
[52:47]
Bert Kreischer
Interesting.
[52:47]
Stavros Halkias
It's been better since I've gone, so.
[52:49]
Bert Kreischer
That's true. I have. Because you get to actually relate to them as human beings. That feels nice. Where they don't have to just be a little kid anymore. They're like. Especially when they get into their 20s, and you could just be friends. That seems like the cool part.
[53:00]
Stavros Halkias
Dude, it's. It's the funnest. I mean, we're talking. It's been the funnest. Like, our texts are hilarious. Our Instagram, because we, you know, we'll DM each other on Instagram, like, anytime we find something funny. They're fucking wild.
[53:16]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah.
[53:16]
Stavros Halkias
Yeah. The jokes they make about Leanne now privately are hysterical.
[53:21]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah.
[53:22]
Stavros Halkias
Like Isla said. I said it Something the other day. But Isla said to me, because, you know, I'm with Leanne a lot. It's just me and her.
[53:28]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah.
[53:29]
Stavros Halkias
And Isla.
[53:30]
Bert Kreischer
Time for, you know, you should open it up, guys. Do an open marriage. You got. You know what I mean?
[53:36]
Stavros Halkias
Just to talk to. We don't even need to have sex with you. We just want to split up the conversation. Just to bring it. Swinger.
[53:43]
Bert Kreischer
Bert, let's go full look. Who are we kidding, Bert? Florida. Every Florida man returns to his roots. Every Florida empty nester on fucking trt. You're not doing it not to swing.
[53:55]
Stavros Halkias
Oh. Oh.
[53:59]
Bert Kreischer
You can't do it, though, because you would just be. It would be the old age, old thing of, like, the wife fucks way more than the husband. Oh, yeah, yeah.
[54:07]
Stavros Halkias
Leanne would be a woman and we're not bringing a dude in.
[54:10]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah.
[54:11]
Stavros Halkias
I'm not a fool. It's a woman. And. But Leanne would just. Leanne would fucking get her against me. She'd be like. And then all of a sudden, I have two women saying, you're a mess, You're a pig. Two women not sleeping in bed with me going like, you snore like a monster.
[54:28]
Bert Kreischer
You need.
[54:28]
Stavros Halkias
You have sleep apnea.
[54:29]
Bert Kreischer
You have sleep apnea. We believe in it.
[54:30]
Stavros Halkias
Yeah.
[54:31]
Bert Kreischer
We're going to go get our teeth cleaned.
[54:37]
Stavros Halkias
We. Isa text. Isa called me like, a month after we dropped her off. And she goes, how's mom doing? I said, good. She goes, yeah, Yeah. I said, yeah. And she goes, you're getting all her words, huh?
[54:48]
Bert Kreischer
No. Wow.
[54:49]
Stavros Halkias
But it's. It was so funny that that's the way she saw it. She saw us all divvying up Mom's words. Yes. That's.
[54:56]
Bert Kreischer
That is hilarious.
[54:56]
Stavros Halkias
And she was like. And then she goes, that's how I felt. When you're on the road, I get all Mom's words. And it was, like, so interesting. But I spent a lot of time with Leanne.
[55:04]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah.
[55:05]
Stavros Halkias
We're going to Vegas tonight.
[55:06]
Bert Kreischer
Wow. Nice.
[55:07]
Stavros Halkias
We're partying. We're having fun.
[55:09]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah. It seems like first time.
[55:10]
Stavros Halkias
Her lever enzymes are. Thank God.
[55:12]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah.
[55:13]
Stavros Halkias
Insulin's through the fucking roof. Yeah.
[55:15]
Bert Kreischer
Hell yeah.
[55:15]
Stavros Halkias
We're going to. We're going to see the Eagles with Fluffy.
[55:20]
Bert Kreischer
Oh, sick.
[55:21]
Stavros Halkias
Yeah. Fuck it, dude.
[55:22]
Bert Kreischer
Vegas. Wait, wait, wait. Fluffy is opening for the Eagles. No, no, the Eagles are.
[55:27]
Stavros Halkias
Dude.
[55:28]
Bert Kreischer
Right next to each other.
[55:29]
Stavros Halkias
I tell you what's cool about getting older, Please, is you start. I think you start valuing your time with people. I've had more people reach out to me. Me, now that I'm like, especially now the girls are out of the house and go, hey, would you like to. Would you like to go to the. This Bruce Billy Joel concert? Would you like to go to this? Would you go. And Fluffy hit us up.
[55:53]
Bert Kreischer
Oh, you mean you're going as friends?
[55:55]
Stavros Halkias
It's crazy. I may have to edit this out because I, you know, Fluffy's a private guy.
[55:59]
Bert Kreischer
Sure.
[55:59]
Stavros Halkias
But he just was like, hey, man, we should, you know, hang out. And I was like, yeah. And the kids right of the house, like, let's do something. Something. And he just hit me up. He's like, would you like to see the Eagles at the Sphere? I was like, hell, yeah, dude. I. I gotta be honest.
[56:11]
Bert Kreischer
The fear looks awesome for a concert.
[56:13]
Stavros Halkias
The Sphere is insane. I'm going. I'm going. Have you. Do you. Have you watched the show Drive to Survive?
[56:21]
Bert Kreischer
I haven't. Yeah.
[56:23]
Stavros Halkias
Do you follow F1 at all?
[56:24]
Bert Kreischer
Not really, dude.
[56:25]
Stavros Halkias
I just got. I just got into the starting five. We're gonna talk about basketball in a second. I love just getting this.
[56:29]
Bert Kreischer
I love this. I love it.
[56:31]
Stavros Halkias
Starting with Drive to Survive. And Drive to Survive is in Vegas. How cool is F1? And I am going to Vegas for F1. I am going to milk Netflix for tickets because I know Netflix can get me tickets.
[56:43]
Bert Kreischer
Absolutely.
[56:43]
Stavros Halkias
How great is it? How great is it? Because here's the deal. F1 is, like, you can travel wherever you want. I think that's awesome. But the highlights are when they go to, like, Monaco, where you have that casino gambling, especially Vegas. You can go, have a great suite, walk out of your fucking hotel. Hotel. Walk across the street, go in, have a drink, a little. A little spritzer, come back, gamble. The nights I'm doing, I'm telling you, they. I don't know what they're selling on Drive to Survive, but I bought it.
[57:13]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah.
[57:14]
Stavros Halkias
Series. Have you. If you watch it, it's as good as starting five. It opens on a yacht in Italy on the ocean, and it's just. The racer is jumping off.
[57:24]
Bert Kreischer
People say it's good. Yeah, for sure. Sure. I. It. It feels like it swept one. That show did a lot for F1 in America, but I just. I missed it. For sure.
[57:32]
Stavros Halkias
They got okay. I'm planning a party.
[57:35]
Bert Kreischer
They seem cool. I mean, those guys seem awesome.
[57:37]
Stavros Halkias
I'm hitting up Ted. I'm getting us tickets.
[57:39]
Bert Kreischer
Hell, yeah.
[57:40]
Stavros Halkias
Are you in? Where. When would you go? Vegas. Grand Prix In Vegas. When's the Grand Prix in Vegas? I only know it's in Vegas because they did it last year, and I wanted to go so bad. And then they're doing it again this year.
[57:49]
Bert Kreischer
It depends when it is.
[57:50]
Stavros Halkias
But if Vegas is like Hawaii, they always deliver. They make sure you have the best time of your life.
[57:55]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah.
[57:55]
Stavros Halkias
Every. The. The.
[57:56]
Bert Kreischer
When you're rich. Yes.
[57:57]
Stavros Halkias
Even when you're not rich.
[57:58]
Bert Kreischer
Well, the point is, just take your money.
[58:00]
Stavros Halkias
Yeah.
[58:01]
Bert Kreischer
And if you have a lot of it, they'll treat you really nicely.
[58:03]
Stavros Halkias
Dude, I'm planning a mega trip to F1.
[58:05]
Bert Kreischer
Dude, if I'm. If. If we're shooting. Oh, no.
[58:10]
Stavros Halkias
Of November 23rd of November.
[58:12]
Bert Kreischer
I don't. I don't think so. I think I have to shoot tires.
[58:15]
Stavros Halkias
Oh, for real?
[58:15]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah.
[58:16]
Stavros Halkias
What if I. What if I call Shane and I go, joke, bro. Shut it down for a day.
[58:20]
Bert Kreischer
I would rather just finish doing my job. I would rather. I mean, if I'm. If I'm on the west coast doing. Because I might come back to promote the vod, and if I'm on the west coast and it lines up, I'll come.
[58:33]
Stavros Halkias
But if I'm planning a huge party, I'm trying to reach out to Seinfeld because I know he's a car guy. I want to get some car guys there that are into cars. Like, I'm trying to get Tommy to go. I talked to Judd about it. Chubb is on the fence. I would like to get an eclectic group.
[58:45]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah.
[58:45]
Stavros Halkias
Get in at Vegas. I mean.
[58:47]
Bert Kreischer
I mean, Jay Leno. What's he up to?
[58:48]
Stavros Halkias
Every year I do the super bowl, and last year, the super bowl was Vegas. And what was beautiful. What's beautiful about Vegas?
[58:53]
Bert Kreischer
That broke my heart. Oh, the Ravens.
[58:55]
Stavros Halkias
Oh, that's right.
[58:55]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah, That's.
[58:56]
Stavros Halkias
You're a Ravens guy.
[58:57]
Bert Kreischer
That was going to be the best week of my life. If we want. It was my. This. The super bowl was on my 35th birthday, and we lost, and I was at the game when we lost to the Chiefs, and it was like, people were already like, hey, if they make it, we want you to do this, this, and this. I would have. I lost a lot of money and my team.
[59:13]
Stavros Halkias
I reached out to you because I was doing the show.
[59:15]
Bert Kreischer
I was going to come to the show if the Ravens were there. Yeah, that's a. That's an opportunity. There was a bunch of. Bunch of advertising shit. I was going to cash out and hopefully watch my team win, and instead I went on a fucking bender for, like, two weeks. I kept getting fucked up. I was eating ice cream and smoking weed just every three hours like, it was my Medicine, Dude. We're good. We're good this year, actually. We're playing.
[59:36]
Stavros Halkias
We're playing each other this Monday. I'm going to. I'm going to Nashville to do busting with the boys for Monday Night Football.
[59:42]
Bert Kreischer
That's awesome.
[59:43]
Stavros Halkias
Yeah. I'll hit you up about F1. Yeah.
[59:45]
Bert Kreischer
No, for real. If it happens, because I'm planning on. When I'm on fire sometimes, reach out.
[59:49]
Stavros Halkias
To Ted and just see if he can hook us up because they. Netflix is doing things so right with F1, with live golf, with how fun is starting five.
[60:01]
Bert Kreischer
It's awesome, dude. And if you're not, it's great. Like, I. I love those guys. And I've been, you know, I know about. I follow the season very closely, but even for me, it's fun. But if you're not a big fan, so perfect. And like, how cool is fucking Anthony Edwards, buddy?
[60:16]
Stavros Halkias
I'm in love with him.
[60:17]
Bert Kreischer
He's the man.
[60:18]
Stavros Halkias
I'm in love with him.
[60:18]
Bert Kreischer
He's the man. I love Minneapolis. I love that team. They're so. They're so. He's so fun and so. Yeah, it's so cool.
[60:27]
Stavros Halkias
I love an Anthony Anderson. For me, the, the scene when it's Thanksgiving and they're trying to get him to quit playing video games so they can eat dinner and he's a kid.
[60:37]
Bert Kreischer
That's the other thing.
[60:38]
Stavros Halkias
He's.
[60:38]
Bert Kreischer
I don't know. What is he, 23?
[60:39]
Stavros Halkias
I think he's 23. Yeah. Yeah.
[60:40]
Bert Kreischer
Now he's 20, but it's like he's a kid kid. He's literally like so much closer to your daughter's age than like, he really is.
[60:49]
Stavros Halkias
Oh, you know, he's like three years older than Georgia. Two years older. So wait, are you. I'm. I'm going to get really into the NBA season. I'm, I, I'm.
[60:55]
Bert Kreischer
I love hoops, dude.
[60:56]
Stavros Halkias
It's. I'm telling you, it's. The thing that F1 did for me was the second they. I watched that, all of a sudden I had people to root for.
[61:03]
Bert Kreischer
Yes.
[61:04]
Stavros Halkias
So I knew what to watch. And I, And I'm being serious with the NBA is the NBA, I think, because age wise, when my hottest time in the NBA was the All Star Game, when Jordan did the dunk, sure. Larry Bird hit the three pointers like crazy Magic didn't have like that. I was so. No, he didn't.
[61:22]
Bert Kreischer
He didn't yet.
[61:23]
Stavros Halkias
I don't think he did.
[61:23]
Bert Kreischer
No, you're right. He came back at a different All Star Game.
[61:25]
Stavros Halkias
You're right.
[61:26]
Bert Kreischer
You're right. Yeah.
[61:26]
Stavros Halkias
And I remember that so vividly. Dominique Wilkins, Spud Webb.
[61:31]
Bert Kreischer
Sure.
[61:31]
Stavros Halkias
Mugsy Bogues. All those. That was, like, my thing. Thing, dude. Starting five has gotten me so into basketball.
[61:37]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah.
[61:38]
Stavros Halkias
That like. Like. And now I'm. I'm a little invested in Bronny because I know I'm seeing Charles Barkley kind of shit on him. People are shitting on him.
[61:46]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah. I mean, I think it's. I like it because it's about time. Like, that's how. That's how LeBron is so good at basketball. He has turned. He's got a job. He signed a job on the Lakers. It's not making him the vice president of a division that nobody gives a fuck about. Out. He's on the team. That's awesome.
[62:05]
Stavros Halkias
That's. That's crazy.
[62:07]
Bert Kreischer
And that's how good he is in basketball.
[62:09]
Stavros Halkias
And it makes me root. Like, it's hard to root for LeBron because he was so good. Like, when I watched him go to the Heat, I was like. I was like, I don't know. I kind of want to watch the perfect thing not work. I want to see the underdog beat the. Sure.
[62:22]
Bert Kreischer
I get that. I get that.
[62:24]
Stavros Halkias
And now I see Bronny, and I.
[62:25]
Bert Kreischer
Don'T know that he's quite an underdog.
[62:27]
Stavros Halkias
Bronny?
[62:27]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah.
[62:28]
Stavros Halkias
I don't think so.
[62:28]
Bert Kreischer
He's. It's. I mean, nepotism. You can't really be an underdog if you're. But he's benefited off nepotism.
[62:35]
Stavros Halkias
But he gets on the court.
[62:36]
Bert Kreischer
He's a millionaire. No matter what happens. His life has been awesome from the mo. His. You know, like, he's in. I guess, in pure basketball terms, he's an underdog, but in the. In life, he's one of the least underdogs possible. It was crazy.
[62:52]
Stavros Halkias
It's crazy seeing him open Christmas present. You don't often see NBA players open Christmas presents as a child.
[62:59]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah.
[63:00]
Stavros Halkias
Like, she was opening Christmas presents. Yeah.
[63:01]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah. It is hilarious. I mean, it's cute. And I can understand, especially if you have kids. That is, like. That's the thing. I don't have kids, so I don't know that feeling. I understand why when you have kids, you're like, I will do anything for my kids. But. And he is up against a lot because people will. In the NBA, the other motherfuckers that are struggling to make the team, they're not the most famous player's son. You know what I mean? And, like, they will play hard as Fuck. They'll probably try and embarrass him. So I see what you're saying. Like, it actually, it is interesting because they've sort of created the only circumstances you could even maybe consider him an underdog.
[63:40]
Stavros Halkias
Yeah.
[63:40]
Bert Kreischer
But it's when you zoom out of life and you're like, this guy will be fucking fine.
[63:43]
Stavros Halkias
Oh, he's doing interviews with his brother and his sister.
[63:45]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah.
[63:47]
Stavros Halkias
What kind of ass is Deuce Tatum gonna pull in 20? That kid. That kid.
[63:57]
Bert Kreischer
He seems pretty soft spoken every time I see him.
[63:59]
Stavros Halkias
He's his. He's got. His dad is in his life.
[64:03]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah.
[64:04]
Stavros Halkias
His grandmother is in his life. Yeah.
[64:06]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah.
[64:06]
Stavros Halkias
He's got all around him and stuff.
[64:08]
Bert Kreischer
I don't like the Celtics, but yes. He's got a nice family. I like to root against Boston.
[64:14]
Stavros Halkias
He's got a great. Jason Tatum's a man.
[64:16]
Bert Kreischer
He's great. He's a good player.
[64:18]
Stavros Halkias
I love, love Damos. What's his name?
[64:21]
Bert Kreischer
Oh, yeah. Sabonis. Well, that's enough. To be fair, I said the same thing about Bronnie, but his. His dad is maybe was the coolest. Like, for one of the first cool foreign players, he was so good. Arvida Sabonis. But he was in the U. It was when the Soviet Union still existed and they wouldn't let him out to play in America. And he only got to America when he had, like, bad knees and he was old and he was still pretty good. But him in his prime, he might have been like. If he was allowed to come to America in his prime, he could have been one of the greatest players of all time.
[64:52]
Stavros Halkias
Don't you think it would be better if they did starting five during the current season? Kind of like the way they do Hard Knocks.
[64:56]
Bert Kreischer
Well, I think the way they're doing it is once it finishes, the new season starts. So like, starting filming.
[65:03]
Stavros Halkias
Filming.
[65:03]
Bert Kreischer
Exactly. So, like, so.
[65:04]
Stavros Halkias
Oh, wait, who are they doing now?
[65:06]
Bert Kreischer
I don't know. I don't know.
[65:07]
Stavros Halkias
Who would you like to see them do a starting five with? I would. I'll tell you right now. Djokovic. I would love. I fucking love that dude. I fucking love that guy.
[65:14]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah, the joke would be great. I don't know how. I don't know how. Yeah, he would. He's very interesting, but I don't know that he would give because his brothers are hilarious. He has like 2 goon huge Serbian brothers. I mean, not to be. I would love to see what's going on with the. I mean, the. If they don't do it with The Knicks, they're crazy because this team has a ton of hype. Jalen Brunson is. You know, he's like. He's become great. It's hard not to say Anthony Edwards again, because he's just so charismatic. And so. I mean, Victor Wembayama, who's the, like, French guy, even though he's starting to sound fucking boring, he's just talking about being great and, like, you know, not having fun. You need a couple fucking head cases. Like, I would have liked the classic when J.R. smith was really. Was really fucking doing it. Like, I would have loved a fun, crazy player, but they won't let you. They won't let you look at any of that. Damn. That's a great question. I would obviously love to watch Giannis. He's my favorite player of all time. I mean, just because it's great to see a Greek guy, and he's a very. He's a character. And his brother's cool. He also, again, I'm going to. Not to be a hypocrite. He brings his brother along. That's what I love about Giannis. He runs a basketball team. Like, it's a diner. It's a very Greek way to do it. It's like, get my brother a job, too. He'll fucking run. He'll work the register.
[66:32]
Stavros Halkias
We were in. If I'm. I could be wrong about this. We were in Greece and they had a store for him in the airport.
[66:38]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah, I did the Kumbros.
[66:40]
Stavros Halkias
Yeah.
[66:40]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah. They have their own brand. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[66:43]
Stavros Halkias
For real?
[66:44]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah.
[66:44]
Stavros Halkias
Yeah. That's fucking badass.
[66:45]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah. No, he's the man. I mean, he's the fucking. The best athlete. Greek, but, you know, Greek athlete. He fucking rules. Yeah. I mean, the NBA's. The NBA is fucking awesome.
[66:55]
Stavros Halkias
I mean, it's badass. NBA is badass. And I'm telling you, man, even following.
[66:59]
Bert Kreischer
Chris Paul, who's p. I mean, Clay on the Mavericks, would be fascinating. He spent his whole career on the warriors, and now he's with the Mavericks with Kyrie, who's hilarious. You know? Hilarious. Luca's the man.
[67:10]
Stavros Halkias
Yeah.
[67:10]
Bert Kreischer
So there's just so many personalities and so many different. So much is just going.
[67:14]
Stavros Halkias
Are you still doing the podcast with Sam about basketball?
[67:16]
Bert Kreischer
No, we. We love doing it, but it was just. We just got too busy.
[67:19]
Stavros Halkias
How many podcasts do you have now? Just one.
[67:20]
Bert Kreischer
Just World.
[67:21]
Stavros Halkias
Just World.
[67:23]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah.
[67:23]
Stavros Halkias
Would you have Trump on?
[67:25]
Bert Kreischer
No.
[67:25]
Stavros Halkias
Why not?
[67:27]
Bert Kreischer
Not interested in it at all. Not interested in having him on at all. And it's Also hack at this point, he's been on enough podcasts where it's like, ah, it's kind of like when a guy's doing a special and he's been on every podcast and you're like, I'm skipping it. I heard this story. I heard this on ymh. I don't wanna fucking listen to him on Are you garbage? He's gonna say the same stuff. Trump has gotten to that level where he's doing every podcast, where it's like, all right, we get it, man.
[67:51]
Stavros Halkias
Trump should do all your garbage. Here's a question.
[67:53]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah. Have you ever. How much. How many abortions have you paid for? Even though now you're not for abortion, you're a Republican.
[68:06]
Stavros Halkias
The. Would you have Putin on?
[68:08]
Bert Kreischer
No.
[68:10]
Stavros Halkias
I mean, that's where we're getting. We're whitewashing history, talking about no Kim Jong Un, maybe.
[68:17]
Bert Kreischer
I like his. I see where he gets his clothes. I want to talk to him about his tailor. I need some of those wide legs. Fucking. I think we have the same body type. He's got some nice clothes. Yeah. Then I can make an accept. Yeah. He likes basketball. Yeah.
[68:33]
Stavros Halkias
I've had politicians reach out to be on my podcast, and I've always been like, no.
[68:37]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah.
[68:38]
Stavros Halkias
I was like, no, I'm the wrong guy.
[68:39]
Bert Kreischer
Well, the thing is, like, I. I mean, I have strong political beliefs personally, but my job is to be funny.
[68:45]
Stavros Halkias
Yeah.
[68:45]
Bert Kreischer
That's my job. And, like, you can tell if you pay attention and you look at what I create, you can see what my beliefs are. They come. But I don't want to hit anyone over the head with them. And if I were to have a politician on, I would have to really hunker down and do research. And that's not who the fuck I am. And the only. If I ever had any kind of political person on, it would probably just be. It would just be. Because the way I look at my podcast is I only have people on that I actually want to spend time with and talk to as human beings. And to be honest with you, the only one that I can think of is literally, I. I mean, not to be hacked, but I'm a Bernie bro, Bernie Sanders. I actually, I admire him as a human being because he has been. He has believed these things. There's black and white photos of Bernie Sanders being pro trans. You know what I mean?
[69:33]
Stavros Halkias
Like, there's black and white photos.
[69:34]
Bert Kreischer
That's a guy who's like. Who's been on the right side of shit and who I like, you know, I just believe in what he says about inequality. And I just think he's an interesting, funny, weird, crotchety Brooklyn Jew that went to Vermont and, and then had an interesting political career. And I wouldn't feel like I would have to do a ton of research to talk to him. And I don't want to do a ton of research, talk to anybody. What it comes down to is, if it makes it hard for me to do my podcast, I don't want you on it. You know what I mean? I want it to be a fun, easy. I want eldest to be like, hey, I'm turning the mics on. I'm like, oh, who's on today? Oh, all right, cool. That'll be fun. You know what I mean? That's the amount of preparation I like to do. So that would probably be it.
[70:17]
Stavros Halkias
I, I'm not, I don't, I, I'm my dad. I always let me know how ill informed I was about life. Like, I'm just, I really, honestly, I, I, I have no skin in the game with anything. I got really lucky. I have stupid thoughts. I say them on stage and I sh, I should never be. You should never. If I, if there's someone listening to this right now, going, who should I vote for? You shouldn't. I should never, never give you a direction.
[70:44]
Bert Kreischer
Right.
[70:44]
Stavros Halkias
You should never listen to me.
[70:45]
Bert Kreischer
Right.
[70:46]
Stavros Halkias
None of this. I got really lucky.
[70:48]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah.
[70:48]
Stavros Halkias
So just, you have to do your own research and you have to listen to the right people for sure. It's like, but with sleep apnea, I'm right about that.
[70:56]
Bert Kreischer
It is fun that you're not an anti vaxxer, you're an anti apnea. You're like, that is a funny guy to be.
[71:05]
Stavros Halkias
I remember getting a call from Joe. He's like, you're not getting the vaccine, are you? And I just snuck in line to get it. I spoke Spanish. I was like, wait, jab, jab.
[71:16]
Bert Kreischer
That's you. That's you fucking coming in, taking the sleep apnea mask off my face. Neck's fully loaded. You're like, what the fuck is this? Not allowed on my bus, by the way. On your bus you say, no sleep apnea masks allowed. Someone's dying on that bus, dude, me, Jay, whoever. Who? There's a lot of. There's a lot of. Who else was on Joey Diaz Was on Joey Diaz. That's a guy, That's a guy guy that needs.
[71:42]
Stavros Halkias
He's been, he sleep apneas on, on planes on like an hour and a half flight. Like, he'll throw his mask on an hour and a half flight and be like, sorry, respect. Yeah, that's awesome. Oh, man. Stavia, I love you to death. Such great.
[71:56]
Bert Kreischer
I really appreciate you having me on. I love you. Thanks for coming to the premiere. That meant a lot, and thanks. Yeah. Please go watch let's Start a Cult in theaters. We're trying to get it to wherever you are, guys. And if not, not, we're going to get it to. To be a rental at some point later. Later after the release. But please go see it in the theaters. Like we said, it's special to see a comedy with people, and it just, like, it's a funner experience to laugh in a group full of people, so.
[72:22]
Stavros Halkias
And realize that you're doing a solid. It's like when we say on podcasts, like, you know, hey, use my code to let them know that we sent you. Yes, it's the same thing. We just go to the theaters to let them know that we sent you. So that if this does well, then guess what? Dark horse. Dark. Dark sky. Dark sky. Call Stavia. And they're like, yo, we got $5 million. What do you want to do next? And then you get another one, and you're getting them. All they're asking for is, like, 20 bucks. Go to them. Take your chick out.
[72:45]
Bert Kreischer
Yeah.
[72:45]
Stavros Halkias
Call your boys up.
[72:47]
Bert Kreischer
It'll just be a fun night.
[72:49]
Stavros Halkias
The more of these that do well, the more we keep making. Yeah.
[72:52]
Bert Kreischer
And I made a movie that if I wanted to see. You know what I mean? Like, it's. I want to go see dumb comedies that are fucking quick and just. Just joke. Just about the jokes, first and foremost. Then you're not going to learn any lessons.
[73:04]
Stavros Halkias
We'll end on a perfect question regarding the movie, regarding your sense of humor, and regarding what you guys will see. Were those your real testicles?
[73:13]
Bert Kreischer
Unfortunately, they were not.
[73:14]
Stavros Halkias
God damn it. I was like, why not just save the money on the budget? Use the real ones.
[73:18]
Bert Kreischer
I wanted to use my real balls. I wanted to use my real balls. They wouldn't let me.
[73:23]
Stavros Halkias
That's the reason you should go see the movie. Go see those balls. I love you, Savi.
[73:26]
Bert Kreischer
Love you too, brother.
[73:28]
Stavros Halkias
Tom. Tom and Bert. One goes topless while the other wears a shirt. Tom tells stories and burts the machine. There's not a chance in hell that.
[73:37]
Bert Kreischer
They'Ll keep it clean.
[73:38]
Stavros Halkias
Here's what we call two bears, one cave.