The Summer Bears Phone It In w/ Stavros Halkias & Chris Distefano | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Summary

2 Bears, 1 Cave – “The Summer Bears Phone It In” with Stavros Halkias & Chris Distefano

Date: August 25, 2025
Podcast: 2 Bears, 1 Cave (YMH Studios)
Hosts: Stavros Halkias & Chris Distefano
Guests: Mark Normand & Sam Morril (brief appearance)
Theme: Final “Summer Bears” episode, a loose and riotous sendoff brimming with inside jokes, meta-commentary on podcasting, and authentic comic vulnerability.

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Episode Overview

The episode marks the final installment of the "Summer Bears" takeover, with Stavros and Chris stepping in for Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer. Aware of their “placeholder” role, the hosts freely riff on the ephemeral joy of temporary gigs, their own neuroses, and the realities of podcasting, aiming to deliberately "phone it in" both for comedic effect and honest closure.

The tone is playful, self-deprecating, and aware of the audience’s expectations, veering into parody of podcast structure and engaging in tangents about stoicism, fatherhood, overthinking, moving houses, and the failings and foibles of the comedy world. They end the episode with call-ins to Bert and a cameo from fellow comics Mark Normand and Sam Morril—the chaos intensifies as the studio fills up with friends, food, and meta-commentary about podcasting.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Meta-Commentary on the Takeover

• Opening theme: The hosts acknowledge their six-week guest stint and marvel at the positive response, despite fearing backlash from OG fans.

  • Stavros: "I have been shocked at how much people love this episode. Our episode." (02:47)
  • Chris: "People have been stopping me in the street and be like, thank you for taking over Two Bears." (02:55)

• Phoning it in: They openly discuss “phoning in” the final show, referencing sports analogies (NBA benchwarmers) and the unique “summer fling” energy of their run.

  • Chris: "Maybe it’s gonna be, you know what? We come in every six weeks, whatever it may be." (04:25)

2. The Nature of Friendship & Not Commodifying Everything

• Reflecting on their real-life friendship, the two joke about podcasts commodifying moments that could be left as memories.
  • Stavros: "Let’s not commodify everything. Let’s let the Summer Bears be a memory we have." (06:32)
  • Chris: "If it became a long-term relationship, you would start to hate us too. But we're just here... the ones that got away. Let us be your podcast ones that got away." (06:56)

3. Comedian Vulnerabilities: Overthinking & Stoicism

• Overthinking and life decisions: Chris admits to stress-driven decision looping and a compulsion to “shake things up” whenever he finds stability.

  • Chris: "Anytime anything semi successful happens, you decide to change your whole life and plan it around that." (04:37)
  • Stavros: "I overthink quite a bit, right? But when it's done, I'm just like... Did it." (17:40)

• Stoicism and personal growth: A recurring joke about Chris’s dabbling in stoicism and self-improvement trends—and how none of it “fixes” you for long.

  • Chris: "I've done every Peptide Protocol you could think of. I've went through it all. Now I'm done. I don't care about it anymore." (11:03)
  • Stavros: "All these philosophies are telling you the same thing. Be in the present. Which is, by the way, the hardest thing to do." (11:24)

4. Aging, Libido & Domestic Life

• Honest, hilarious comparison of libido, road life, and family obligations, transitioning into anecdotes about masturbation logistics around home construction, and comically candid admissions about sexual preferences.
  • Chris: "Just this morning... for the first time, I got the urge and I brought my phone in because my iPhone's waterproof... In the shower." (12:07)
  • Chris: "It's like, am I reaching that age where it's like… libido's going down?" (13:22)
  • Stavros: "I dream of a world where I'm just a fat, sexless grandpa." (13:46)

5. Anxieties Around Stability and Moving (Chris’s Compulsion)

• Chris delves into his pathological urge to move houses, tying it to family-of-origin issues and addictive behaviors akin to gambling.
  • "My father was like a gambler...I think gamblers are addicted to losing. When you move… you feel like we lost everything we had. And then... you spend years trying to get it back." (29:41)
  • The pie-for-the-police anecdote: Chris tried ingratiating himself into his new community by giving pies to the cops, not his neighbors—highlighting his comedic social anxiety.
    • "I went to the farmer's market...got two peach pies...walked into my local police precinct...gave them my address... I'm in this neighborhood, I'm not leaving." (24:32)

6. Parenthood & Anxiety

• Real talk about parental anxiety, passing stress from generations, and the inability to ever “find peace” as a parent.
  • Chris (on his father’s advice): "This will be the last night of peace you ever have." (35:14)
  • "You're constantly playing a version of Final Destination in your head always... all the ways your kid can fucking die without you even thinking about it, dude." (36:02)

7. Podcast & Social Media Culture Satire

• The hosts lampoon the “content economy,” referencing how much podcasting has become filler, self-parody, and “just making it to the finish line.”
  • "This is what podcasting’s become." (58:09)
  • "We see how much we give a fuck about this show. We just have a countdown. The second it hits one hour, we’re like, alright, yeah, cut the checks…" (57:49)

8. Meta Bits: Calling in the ‘Real Bears’ and Brand Pitches (44:00–53:30)

• Calling Bert: The hosts try to involve Tom and Bert (with Bert picking up for a candid, rambling chat about blood pressure, podcasting, and comedy “branding”).

  • Bert: "You guys killed it this past... six weeks, seven weeks, whenever it was." (44:21)
  • Stavros: "We're trying to bomb the last two. You know what I mean?" (44:33)
  • Bert suggests branding ideas for comics, e.g., "What could a comic sell that’s better than alcohol?" (45:52)
  • Chris punchline: "You could sell your own blood pressure medicine. That’s the next frontier. Forget about Pfizer. It's Kreischer." (46:36)

• Calling Tom: Goes unanswered, providing more fodder for “checked out” podcast host jokes.

9. Finale Food & Comedian Drop-ins (55:00–End)

• Mark Normand and Sam Morril crash the studio with “cock eclairs,” joining for a final ten minutes blending food, burnout, and playful griping about the myth of podcast “artistry” and relationships soured by too much work together.
  • Sam: "Mark's easy. He's easy to get along with. He can't do confrontation. So we'll never fight – if he hates me, he'll just silently resent me. But that's how it'll happen." (59:04)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Stavros (on their run):
  "Let us be your podcast ones that got away, folks. We will not be here. This will not continue. But...summer loving...this pod was okay for six weeks. The pod was okay. It wasn’t good." (06:55)

• Chris (on overanalyzing):
  "I was like, oh, maybe...Tom’s phone got hacked and our text messages got leaked...it’s always: What did I do? Who's mad at me?" (08:14)

• Chris (on moving/loss):
  "I think I'm addicted to losing...my therapist...was like, that's interesting." (29:41)

• Chris (on talking to the police):
  "For no reason...I went to the local police precinct, and...my address...I respect what you boys do." (24:32)

• Bert Kreischer’s phone-in bit:
  "You guys killed it this past...six weeks..." (44:21)
  "My body is treated the same way LeBron James does." (46:51)

• Stavros (on podcasting):
  "We see how much we give a fuck about this show. We just have a countdown...cut the checks, Bert and Tom." (57:49)

• Meta on podcast fatigue:
  "This is what podcasting's become." (58:09)
  "It's not an art form. That's the thing to remember. This is not art...We've deluded ourselves into thinking that." (58:40, Stavros)

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Important Segment Timestamps

• 00:56 – “Welcome to the final episode of Summer Bears...”
• 02:55 – “People have been stopping me...thank you for taking over Two Bears.”
• 06:32 – “Let’s not commodify everything...Let the Summer Bears be a memory.”
• 13:46 – Stavros on becoming a “fat, sexless grandpa.”
• 17:40 – Stavros on obsessing over decisions.
• 24:32 – Chris brings pies to local police, not neighbors.
• 29:41 – Chris’s gambler psychology & moving addiction.
• 35:14 – Chris’s father: “This will be the last night of peace you ever have.”
• 44:00–46:30 – Calling Bert; Branding bit.
• 53:47 – Attempt to call Tom Segura (no answer).
• 55:48 – Mark Normand & Sam Morril join with food.
• 58:09 – “This is what podcasting’s become.”
• 60:00–End – Jokes about art, recluses, generations, and relationships soured by overexposure.

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Final Thoughts

This episode embodies “the end of summer camp” for both the hosts and regulars, filled with self-aware humor, vulnerability, and satirical swings at podcast culture. Stavros and Chris are at their most honest and playful, unafraid to both parody and expose the mechanics of stand-up, modern masculinity, and the social anxieties that drive comedians and parents alike.

If you’re a fan of meta-humor, uninhibited riffing, and behind-the-scenes comedy community camaraderie, this “phoned-in” episode is a perfect capstone to the Summer Bears chapter.

Transcript

[A]

Hey, gang.

[B]

I am going to be on tour starting this September. I'm going to be in London September 7, second show added in London. Then we're going to be in Dublin on September 12th. After that, coming to America November 6th in Memphis. Then Huntsville, Alabama, Chattanooga, Tennessee, Knoxville, Asheville, Greensboro, Wilmington, and then Myrtle Beach, Classy Myrtle Beach, Austin and Boston. And we will be adding more shows soon. But if you want to come see me, please check me out there.

[A]

That's it, baby. And then I will be the big one. September 5th, Chicago Theater. September 11th, Theater at Madison Square Garden. And then September 27th, Saudi Arabia, baby. So come see me. I'm also in Boston in October. Got a shows lined up at the Wilbur, the Chevalier. Just go to Chris D. Comedy.com for Tikiwikis. Thanks for all the support, 100%.

[B]

Cheers.

[A]

What's up, everybody? Welcome to the final episode of Summer Bears with Chris Estefano and Stavros Halikis.

[B]

Halkies.

[A]

Damn it.

[B]

The I is after the K. It's okay.

[A]

And Stavro Segura, dude.

[B]

By the way, I'm Tom now.

[A]

Yeah, I think we switched.

[B]

Yeah, you know, we are Tom. I thought about this, actually, because a lot of our dynamic is me needling you to tell embarrassing stories.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And that kind of is Tom and Bert.

[A]

That is Tom and Bert.

[B]

Tom kind of sits back and goes, oh, tell me about that horrifying thing that your family is going to be pissed about. You revealing.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

That's kind of what I do to you.

[A]

Yeah. Tell me.

[B]

Even though I'm fat.

[A]

Yeah. Open up. Open up your comedy special talking about your daughter's period and see it and then film her in school. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I. By the way, I do. You do look nice in that purple shirt, which is probably the same color as Bert's liver.

[B]

What's the royal color? I think he doesn't have a diseased liver. He has a royal liver.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

You know, look at it that way.

[A]

Now. I. This is our final summer.

[B]

The last one.

[A]

This is our final.

[B]

I actually can't believe it's six weeks.

[A]

This is six weeks. We were only supposed to be signed on for five. They let us go to six because Tom and Bert just don't want to do it anymore. No, no, no.

[B]

I mean, we think this is our last one. If they make enough offer, we'll come back again. But listen, we know we got the bargaining power now.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I thought. Honestly, I had no idea what to expect. I was like, oh, Chris, it'll Be fun. I love doing pods with Chris, Tom and Bert. Love those guys. If we can do them a solid, great. I thought people would hate because, like, I'm trying to conceive of a world where you step into someone's podcast and everyone's not pissed off.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Right. Like, to me, I was like, this doesn't make any sense. They listen for you guys. I have been shocked at how much people love this episode. Our episode.

[A]

People have been stopping me in the street and be like, thank you for taking over Two Bears.

[B]

It almost feels like someone is making them listen to this podcast. I don't understand.

[A]

Yeah. It's almost like.

[B]

Like they're strapped in the fucking Clockwork Orange chair and they have to watch Two Bears, One Cave, and it's like, oh, my God, Thank God it's two guys. Two guys. We don't really know that. Well, it's a better show. I have to go back and why. I guess the show sucks.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, I always have fun when I do it. I didn't. Real people hate it. But, you know, this has been great for me.

[A]

Hey.

[B]

Because this is sort of like the. This is kind of how I want to do. This is what I think of my. What I want in my life. I would love to be a, like, second husband, stepfather, because. And it's just nice someone has set the bar so low.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Tom and Bert are sort of like the guy that knocked the lady up in high school.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Promised they'd be there forever. They changed.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Right. They don't treat her well anymore. They. They. They're off to Hollywood right now. We're just some guy who pays the bill. We don't do. We don't. We're not doing a good job.

[A]

No.

[B]

We're just not, I guess, just really bad. I don't even understand. They set the bar so nice and low. We're just kind of fucking around. And people act like this is the best entertainment they've ever had in their lives.

[A]

Like, I kind of feel like where that. Where those guys that, like, you know, like, we're on an NBA team and, like, you know, the team. The starters are blowing the other team out and the fans start to cheer for. We want Stavi and Chris.

[B]

We're like a seven, eight, Chinese guy. Yes.

[A]

And then he gets up and takes off and they're like. But you can only have him play for a minute or two. Of course. So maybe. Maybe it's going to be, you know what? We come in every six weeks, whatever it may be.

[B]

Yeah. To Be honest. I was really worried that you. Because you've had this problem in the past. Anytime anything semi successful happens, you decide to change your whole life and plan it around that. Yes, I was re. I'm really dreading the phone call I'm going to get in two weeks. When you're late on your mortgage, it's like summer bears. Let's make it every week. I'm really like, don't. Let's not do that.

[A]

I'll do the thing where it's like things are getting really, really good. And I'll be like, let's stop it here.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, let's stop. Yes.

[A]

We could actually go on to superstar. And I'm like, why do that? Shouldn't we suffer? That's what Marcus Aurelius said to do.

[B]

Let me tell no first. Oh, I love that you're into stoicism now.

[A]

Now I've been for four years.

[B]

Okay. Okay. I can really tell you're a very stoic guy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You didn't talk about a media company. You over on the last episode hour. That's how Marcus Aurelius would have handled it.

[A]

Yeah. What I did was I talked. I talked about a media company for disrespecting you for 30 minutes, feeling disrespected like a little bitch. And then I begged Benson Spoon to edit it all out.

[B]

It's a 20 minute episode.

[A]

Yeah. Then he just let it all rip. And now I'm being actively sued by that media company. Hey, if you want to sue me, get in line. Today's the one of the first days we've recorded this episode. They didn't have to run right out and go to court.

[B]

Go to court. That's true. That is true. But no, I want to be very clear. We are. This is it. There is no. We're not making a podcast. No, we're not. This. There's something about life is like these. These are little surprises. I didn't even expect this to be this fun. No, I really thought there's gonna be bullshit.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I was just kind of doing it because. Whatever.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Who gives a fuck, Right? It'll be fun. Let's plug some dates.

[A]

Me and you've been friends a long time. Yes.

[B]

I always have fun when you do my pod.

[A]

Right. We don't talk every day. And now it's like we catching up with each other. It's been nice. Like, oh, our friendship is blossoming here.

[B]

Abso. Absolutely has. And. But that's the thing. These things are beautiful. They just.

[A]

They are.

[B]

You don't have. Let's not commodify everything.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Let's let the Summer Bears be a memory we have. This is like. This is like when you're plenty of these listeners now, they're 40 year old men, 40 year old women. The love has gone from their lives.

[A]

Right, right, right.

[B]

And you're jacking off to the. You know, getting fingered in a car when you're 18. You couldn't have married the guy that fingered you.

[A]

No.

[B]

If it became a long term relationship, you would start to hate us too.

[A]

Yes, right.

[B]

But we're just here. We're the guy you cheat with and always. We're the ones that got away. Let us be your podcast ones that got away. Folks. We will not be here. This will not continue. But this is. It was fun while we last. Summer loving. Summer loving. Summer loving. This pod was okay for six weeks. The pod was okay. It wasn't good.

[A]

Yeah, we just both turned into John Travolta just massaging toys.

[B]

We just. Yeah, neither one of us are living and John. We're just John Travolta holding our ass open for a masseuse. Remember that? Yeah, he was trying to get the massage, like fuck his ass or whatever.

[A]

Now I love that we're saying all this. And then we leave here and the head of the network is standing there with an immediate guaranteed offer for another six. We sign it on the spot with yarmulkes on. Just right away. Full yamis on. And we are back for. Hey, it's not the Summer Bears. It's the Fall Autumn Bears. Hey, Pumpkin Bears.

[B]

We're back.

[A]

It's a different show. We swap seats. We have a different set. We're coming to you live from a wicker basket, you know, but. But you know what it was, it was one of those things where I didn't even know because when I got a call about it, I was like, what? Well, like, well, I didn't even know what was happening.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Because. And then Tom was like, hey, I really need to talk to you. And I was like, oh, I. When Tom texted me, I really need to talk to you. Call me back. It's important. I genuinely thought that maybe his phone got hacked and our text messages got leaked because the. That Tom and I say back and forth to each other is a felony fest.

[B]

Sure, sure.

[A]

So I was like, oh, maybe I'm going to. Maybe this is bad.

[B]

You didn't think it was an opportunity maybe Tom wanted.

[A]

No, but that's where my brain always goes, is like, it's Always like, what? What did I do? Who's mad at me? What did I mess up?

[B]

Sure.

[A]

But Tom was immediately like, no, no, I have a. You know, I think you and Stav would be good on the show.

[B]

And he was right. Yeah, he was right.

[A]

We are actually a good mix for this. For this specific thing. We're a good mix. We are good. And I think that. I think. Yeah. I think what we'll. We've been trying. The last. The first two episodes, we really tried to make it big. And then the last three, we've been trying to run it into the ground. We're like, well, it's not working.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I think. I think last week's. Did it.

[A]

Yeah. Last week's.

[B]

I think last week's episode.

[A]

This week, if we really just. Hopefully we can really get into the weeds of comedy and. And vaccines.

[B]

Process, process.

[A]

Let's talk seriously about the geopolitical climate. Bring up Mom Donnie, as many times as you can.

[B]

Vote zoron. For sure.

[A]

100%.

[B]

That is true.

[A]

Do that.

[B]

Don't get me going.

[A]

We talk trans children last week, which was awesome.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

What else could we talk about?

[B]

Well, we wanted to. We figured last episode, Tom and Bert must have sent some fun videos.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

They don't give a fuck at all.

[A]

They're out.

[B]

Didn't even send videos. Couldn't bother. We saw the production value last time. It was literally just Bert doing this outside. Couldn't do that. So, you know, it's been eight minutes maybe. You know, we're. This is really the one where we're like, all right, fuck it. 52 minutes. This is. Because you know what this is. This is. Ironically, it's the last day before summer vacation for us.

[A]

You really.

[B]

This is our last show.

[A]

This is it.

[B]

What are they gonna do, fire us?

[A]

Seriously, it's like, what does Ric Flair say? Fire me? I. I quit. I quit.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Ric Flair has a good quote.

[B]

Like, I don't think Ric Flair is one who invented. You can't fire me. I quit.

[A]

Yeah. That's not Ric Flair. Was it Marcus Aurelius? Yeah.

[B]

Didn't Marcus Aurelius, like, kill his.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Wife? So he got cucked and they, like, killed the guy?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He did a really not stoic thing.

[A]

Yeah. And it's also like. It's also like, I was into it for a minute, and it's a kind of like. I get it. I mean, it is.

[B]

Well, it was like. It was. It was like Taylor Swift for guys with high blood pressure for A while? Yeah, it was like. Like that's all you saw. People were like doing Huberman Sunlight Protocol and listening to Marcus Aurelius. I feel like three years ago every guy was doing.

[A]

It's like I went through all the phases. It's like I started taking creatine. I started getting natural sunlight upon ris. Of course, you know, grounding myself with shoes and socks.

[B]

Listening to stoicism, your nuts in the ground does that.

[A]

Dude, Allegedly. All you have to do is get some part of your body on a living thing like, like that's rooted in the ground. So you don't even have to be barefoot in the ground. You can just put your hands on a tree and also get the same kind of energy. I've got the grounding mats. I've done every Peptide Protocol you could think of. I've went through it all. Now I'm done. I'm just done. I don't care about it anymore.

[B]

Suburban dad.

[A]

Because it's the same thing. It really is the really. All these. I mean, I get it, it's different examples and whatever works for you, but for me, I found like every philosophy, whether it's stoicism, Buddhism, whatever it is you're trying to do, it's all basically telling you the same thing. And that's be in the present. Your life is happening now. Everything is for right now. If you just do that. Which is, by the way, the hardest thing to do and near impossible, of course. But that. But that's. Every single saying is just that it comes back in the present. It's just so. I'm like, okay, I got that. I can't do it. Yeah, I'm trying and I can't do it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So instead I'll just, you know, not do any of that and just try not to go on social media and not jerk off. Which is both.

[B]

What are you. What are your numbers a week? Jango.

[A]

Jango. So it depends if I'm on the road. If I'm on the road, it's still. I bleed. But if I'm at home. You know what I've noticed being at home? I don't know, it's because I just have so much. We have so much to do, like in the house or whatever. But like, it's actually. It's funny you bring this up just this morning. Just this morning, for the first time, I got the urge and I brought my phone in because my iPhone's waterproof and I just was. Because the only place I can save your bathtub is in. In the shower. Like, actually physically in the shower.

[B]

Children.

[A]

Yes. So I'm jerking off.

[B]

You don't even have, like, a little. Do you have a little office? Do you have anything?

[A]

Yeah, but there's all boxes and stuff in it. And there's guys doing work in my house, so it's like, I could. But then.

[B]

And you'd come really fast because you smell the pheromones.

[A]

Exactly, dude.

[B]

It's like you smell those real men.

[A]

I don't think this guy wants. Yeah, and I don't think the guy wants come on his table saw again.

[B]

So, Mr. De Stefano, is there, like, SAP?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Something around here.

[A]

Yeah, I noticed that my power drills. A little sticky. Did you kids drop apple juice on it? Why did it smell like chlorine and pineapples? So.

[B]

Oh, you've been. You've been. That's a protocol you're following.

[A]

That's protocol.

[B]

The pineapple juice protocol.

[A]

But I noticed, like, I haven't in a while. I haven't, like, done any of that in a while. Haven't even really been having sex. And I'm like. It took me, like, a while to even get, like, aroused in a while to even, like, get the. And normally it'd be like three pumps and I'm like, am I reaching that age where it's like, not testosterone's going down, but, like, libido's going down? And I'm like, is that serone, too? Is that kind of a good thing, though? Like, where you're not, like, fully motivated? Of course. Being led by your dick everywhere.

[B]

It's what I can't wait for. I can't. I dream of a world where I'm just a fat, sexless grandpa. You know what I mean? Like, I just want, like, it just like. I think you were talking about your dad still fucks at his age.

[A]

He tries. Yeah.

[B]

It's crazy, you know, he should be done. I mean, this is the same guy who was hospitalized for lasagna over. Exactly.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He's still trying to get pussy. It's like, let it go, man.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Have some fucking sauce and spaghetti and just die.

[A]

Just chill out.

[B]

Just chill. Eat till you die. Yeah, folks, summertime, it's hard. We're the Summertime Bears. We have our own podcasts, our own tour dates. It's hard staying healthy, you know, I'm trying to be health conscious, Chrissy. It doesn't help when Benson Spoon is trying to sabotage me with desserts. But, you know, who's the anti spoon? The anti Benson Spoon, you know who's the. He's the devil. You know who's the angel on my shoulder. Factor meals, baby.

[A]

I love that.

[B]

Factor meals are so easy. So easy. Delivered right to your door, ready to cook, dietitian approved. It's not. You don't cook it right. Because I like having the convenience of it's ready to go. Warm it up, it's delicious. And it's not. You know, sometimes these meal services, they have like four offerings. There's so much variety here, a ton of different options.

[A]

But does it support your wellness goals and does it savor global flavors? Those are the only questions I have for you and those are genuine questions that I just thought of.

[B]

You better believe it does.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

On both counts. Yes, Christopher, they have so look, they have now they have GLP1 friendly meals. You know me, I'm a Mediterranean boy. They have Mediterranean diet options packed with protein and good for you fats and Asian inspired meals influenced by China, Thailand and much more.

[A]

And Korea. Dude, you love Korean barbecue. You said it. And they have some of that.

[B]

I love Korean barbecue. They have Asian inspired meals of all types of bold flavors.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

From more choices to better nutrition. That's why 97% of customers say that factor helped them live a healthier life. Feel the difference no matter your routine.

[A]

Yeah, dude. I mean, honestly, all you got to do is eat smart. @Factor Meals.com bears 50 off and use code bears 50 off to get 50% off your first box plus free breakfast for one year. That's code bears 50 off@Factor Meals.com for 50% off your first box plus FREE breakfast for one year. Get delicious ready to eat meals delivered with factories offer only valid for new factor customers with code and qualifying auto renewing subscription purchase.

[C]

This is the best vodka in the world. You're talking to a man who's put 10,000 hours into a couple things. Eating pussy and drinking vodka. I'll bring my wife in if you want. I'm pretty good at the first one too. But this is better than pussy. This is the best vodka you're ever going to have. It's clean. I sleep my sleep scores through the roof because of it. It tastes clean. Everyone I've given it to loves this vodka.

[A]

Tom, tell them it's absolutely fantastic. We have a proprietary distillation process. And listen, we are winning competitions. We have gold medals in various competitions. And honestly, you the people are the ones telling us how great it is too. This is not just smoke that we're blowing here. We're telling you because you're Telling us this is now your favorite vodka. So thank you. And if you haven't tried Porosos, get out to the store. If they don't carry it, tell them you want them to carry it.

[C]

Tell them request it. When you go to the bar, you say, hey, do you carry porosos? And if they say, no, you go, you should. It's pretty freaking awesome.

[B]

And then walk out.

[C]

You know what I do? I go, do you carry porosos? And they say, no, I bring out a bottle, I give it to them. I go, now you do. Can I get a bottle of glass of Porosos?

[A]

That's awesome. That's awesome. Well, you see, that's. You're much better. You're one of the best guys I've ever met. At just kind of not. It's not necessarily you are in the moment, but it's not that. It's like, kind of just trusting that whatever your decision is making is the right one and not overthinking it. You don't spend 99, but you don't spend 99% of your day being like.

[B]

What should I do? No, I would. I obsess over a decision, right? I do. But when it's done, I'm just like.

[A]

All right, you've made it.

[B]

Did it. But don't get me wrong, I overthink quite a bit, right? I overthink quite well.

[A]

I do think that's one thing, because I was, like, living my life with, like, straddling two things like, do I move? Do I not move? Do I get married? Do I not get married?

[B]

You do love. You do love making decisions.

[A]

But now I just make the decision, and right or wrong, I just do it. And I still do have some residual. Like, was that the right move? But I notice quicker. I've noticed, actually, and people have noticed this, my friends and family, how much less stress, even though I'm, you know, at times coming off stressed, how much less stress I have that I almost, like, don't even know what to do with the tranquility and peace. So I'm telling myself actively what I've done subconsciously, many, many times in my life is I found some kind of problem. I found some kind of issue to, like, make me. Because you're addicted to that adrenaline. But now I'm trying to actively not do that. I'm really. Even though I went publicly and trashed immediate company on this podcast this week, sure. But other than that, I'm actively trying to be like, no, no, don't put yourself in that Situation again where you're. You're at peace right now. Be at peace.

[B]

Yeah. What do you do with the piece, though? Well, that's the swim in the pool.

[A]

Well, that's the thing. The piece is not making. I can't even come with the piece. I can't even get horny. I'm trying to jerk off in the shower.

[B]

What was the inciting incident that made you want to nut this morning?

[A]

What do you mean?

[B]

Was there something that you, you know, did. Was. Was Hoda and Kathy Lee looking good and Good Morning America?

[A]

Yeah, I was. What?

[B]

What? Because I remember, you know, just be watching TV and like a, just like an ad for like stack or two will come up and a girl, a girl looks good in a sports bra and you're like, nice.

[A]

No. You know what happened is today we were in the kitchen and my girl went to go lift to get the pancake mix for the girls and her shorts that she was wearing, the bed just kind of creeped up just ever so slightly in the bottom of her butt cheeks popped out. And then she had. She's short so she had to jump and it kind of jiggle.

[B]

So jiggle butt cheeks jiggling.

[A]

And we can't have sex because my house is full of construction workers and children. So I just said, now I'm. Now I'm gonna go into the. And jerk it to trans porn.

[B]

Oh, really? So still what you're. Yeah. It wasn't like you weren't just thinking about your girl. You were like, let's fucking take it up a notch.

[A]

Yeah, of course. It's like, of course.

[B]

Let's fucking put an electrode to my dick and that's the only way I can come.

[A]

Yeah, just. I have to think of you having a penis. But yeah, man, I mean, I can't be. I can't lie, dude. I am sad. And I do know that the head ad guy of this network is here outside and he's looking tan and extra decent.

[B]

Oh, really?

[A]

To try to get us, I think possibly interesting, some type of deal and no, what he's trying to do, I don't. He's trying to honey pot us is what he's trying to do. He looks good. He looks hot.

[B]

He's going to spray tan.

[A]

He's going to have. He's going to, he, you know, he's going to throw into this next deal unlimited tiramisu. He's going to do the things that we know he can't say no to. He's going to say, what if I Give you guys tiramisu.

[B]

That's a mistake because I've already had tiramisu. So you got to get me early. You got to get me early. Now. I'll be. I'll make a stand. I'll be like. Like, how dare you, sir?

[A]

Yeah, after just.

[B]

It's like, like, you know when. Like, Like I'm sure, like when a politician. Just the kid and then they go and they're like, now we're done.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Now we're gonna release. From now on. We released a client list, but not back then. Yeah, back we. We clear it out.

[A]

We can't do it yet.

[B]

We can't. We can't do the old ones. Like. Or like, how closeted. How so many like, people that are like. Like. Do you see that guy who's like. He was talking about child prayers and he was on. He was distributing child under the name Joe Biden, 69. He was like a Republican senator.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Which is like, even when you're being a. You're thinking of Joe Biden.

[A]

Jesus.

[B]

Yeah, but no, we're. That's. That's what happened to me. If you tried to offer me desserts now it's like, I just had desserts.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I'm fucking free of desserts.

[A]

Right? Yeah.

[B]

You can't tempt me with that shit.

[A]

Suck it. It. I. Yeah, I think. I think that I can be. Here's the thing with me is I'm very principled in my beliefs until you say, hey, what about it? But you can have this money and then your kids. You can just pay for your kids college, which they inevitably aren't going to want to go to college because college will be obsolete.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

By the time they're college age. But for me, I'm so ingrained in the old school way of thinking, like, I'm the guy got to pay for my kids college. So that's just all I think about. It's like, if you can give me an amount of money that can pay for a semester of my kids imaginary college 15 years from now, I'll do anything.

[B]

Yeah. Don't you think you're using that as an excuse?

[A]

Oh, my whole life is an excuse.

[B]

Yeah. Like, ultimately, you're fine. Your kids will be fine.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But now you can be like, well, I need it for my kids.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I have to go suck the Amir's dick. Yeah, I have to go. I have the.

[A]

No, I need it because, you know, we needed a new kitchen.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. We can't be here.

[B]

I needed to move Again, how long do you think you'll be at this house?

[A]

No. So what's happened is, is, is this what the actual. I'm almost like trying to give myself, like a no way out clause of this house because I cannot, I cannot even think about moving number. First and foremost, my kids. Again, of course think about that.

[B]

Yeah, I know. You're like, look, whatever it takes. If I have to go to Saudi Arabia, do comedy, that's for my kids. Now they won't have stability for the first five, you know, the most important time for development for a child.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Ages 0 to 8. No. Stability.

[A]

Zero. Yeah.

[B]

But I will leave them to do stand up comedy.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I will go to Saudi Arabia.

[B]

So I, I, I will just add another podcast.

[A]

Right. You know, I, I, I, I think, like, for me, what I, you know, I, I can't. Like, we've had a conversation. I will not, like, philosophically. We cannot do it. It's actually, like, wrong. No.

[B]

There's something psychologically wrong with you to move this many times.

[A]

Right, right. There's already something psychologically wrong to do it up to. It's actually, like, diagnosable. Like, you need to maybe be institutionalized.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Like, something's happening.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So. So no, but you never moved as a kid.

[B]

You grew up in the same house.

[A]

So then, I don't know, like, what is this escapism I've had in my brain? Because I, you know, I have been the one being like, let's move. Like, it's been you. I've been the one initially. I've been the one being like, let's go here, let's go there. You know, dude, I move. I sold my house in Staten island to move back to Queens because, like, oh, I want to be closer to my friends.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I was like, what?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then, I mean, I love my friends, but it's like, dude, you have a, like, what are you doing?

[B]

Staten island was crazy to me.

[A]

Yeah. That, that was the first. You know, But I like the house there. But so now for this one, it's like where, like, what I've been doing is like, I'm trying to, like, ingratiate myself into the neighborhood in a way I've never done. Dude, I went. Tell me if you think this is. Tell me what you think.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

The people. The, the what? I, I'll tell you what I did and tell me what you think. The people who are on the other end of this thought I, for no reason, I didn't even tell, run this by my family. I went to the farmer's market in my neighborhood, and I got two peach pies that are delicious and delectable.

[B]

Love that.

[A]

And I walked into my local police precinct, and.

[B]

You preemptively gave the local police a peach pie. That was. Your first stop, was the cops.

[A]

I said, hey, My name's Chris DiStefano. I'm new to the neighborhood. I gave them my address.

[B]

Hey. Yeah.

[A]

I go, boys, and this is what I do.

[B]

You're like, listen, my children are Puerto Rican. You see any Latino children in any trouble? Well, I'd appreciate if I got the call first. Yeah, yeah, don't book them. Here's a pie.

[A]

I literally go. I literally. I had these two peach pies, and to the female commanding officer, I go, just know these peach pies are for you boys, and I respect what you boys do.

[B]

You hit her with the double, boys.

[A]

So she looked at me, and she was like, what's your name again?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I told her my name again. She was like, where's your address? And I told her again. And then she wrote it down on a piece of paper. Her took the pies and didn't even say thank you to my face. She said thank you as she was turning away. So I pretty much think I gave them pies as an effort to be like, hey, I'm in this neighborhood. I'm not leaving. If you actually try to see me leave this neighborhood, move, arrest me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, I am here.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I think that I offended the commanding officer, probably, who was the. And I think they also think, like, what kind of nefarious things. Are you in this, too? Why would you bring us peach pies?

[B]

Just because you moved to the area, not your neighbors.

[A]

No.

[B]

You went to the police first. I mean, that really is the most.

[A]

No. I've put up electrical fences around my house, so none of the neighbors can even walk in.

[B]

You didn't go say hello?

[A]

You didn't give zero.

[B]

You went to the police?

[A]

Yeah, dude. Actually, yeah.

[B]

Yeah, It's.

[A]

I went to the local police precinct, and then I've introduced myself.

[B]

Not the school where your kids go.

[A]

Every store I've been into in my neighborhood, I introduce myself to whoever's behind the desk and tell them what my name and address is and where I live. Yeah. Where Jazz has said, kids, I know.

[B]

What are you doing? That dress is crazy.

[A]

She's like, what do you. She said the same thing. I was like, oh, it's a small town. Like, we should know. Like, we're a part of this community. She was like, they'll know. Like when they go to school, they'll. Kids will go to school. Like we'll meet people. Like, please stop telling people where we live.

[B]

Address is insane.

[A]

What the. Is the police precinct is okay though, right? To say the address.

[B]

I mean, to say the address. But I don't understand why you would start with police. You didn't start with your neighbors. You didn't go to your kids school. You didn't go to like a church, a place of worship or something.

[A]

I went to the local law enforcement.

[B]

The cops are what you think your community is going to be.

[A]

Yeah. That's crazy.

[B]

That's who you see yourself hanging out with.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Is the police.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're like, look, you go. You're like by the way, at Madison Square Garden, November 11, September 11, you're just, you're just going to your like bread. You're just. You're essentially like flyering.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're like two for one ticket.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You go there. You go to the. That's just a weird. It is honestly bizarre.

[A]

It's a bizarre thing. I think, I think that I probably.

[B]

Why is that?

[A]

I think I need professional help or I think I just need to be on some kind of medication because I think that I just need a little space for my anxiety. That's what a pill does. It just gives you a little space. So you.

[B]

Yeah, that was an anxious move. You're like, I gotta go and grace you myself with the police.

[A]

Yeah. And I do think now being like in that house and facing the. Facing the thought of like, this is your home, like this is your home. You decided on this one. What, what My brain is doing this thing now where it's starting to. Because it's like these same patterns, but I'm combating them all as best I can. It's saying, oh, you bought this house for the next 15 years. You want to be here for at least 15 years because, you know, a little one to get through school. And so it's like. And I'm like, you know what? But I could, I could move, but in the same neighborhood. You know, it's like, it's like.

[B]

So that's crazy.

[A]

That's what I'm saying. So it's starting and that's insane. So what I'm doing is trying to combat that. I'm just saying it publicly and letting the fans shame me into.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

So this is my. This is my.

[B]

This is crazy.

[A]

Health insurance.

[B]

Why do you think. Yeah, why the do you Keep wanting. You just feel trapped. Trapped. Is it because you feel trapped by everything else? You know, you can't abandon your family. You're not that kind of guy. Even though in your heart you want.

[A]

You're.

[B]

You're. Even though you are a crypto kraut, you're still Italian.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You still grow. You're culturally Italian. So what you want is either a gumar.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Or to abandon your family.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But you're a good guy. Can't. You can't do that.

[A]

So all.

[B]

The only change you have, the only thing you can control is where you live.

[A]

Right?

[B]

And so you're like. Like, I am going to. I am going to show control by moving.

[A]

Right?

[B]

I think that's what it is. You just want to have a little. Do you feel like you don't have control, Chris?

[A]

I think. I don't feel like I don't have control. And I think. I think that what it really is, if I'm being honest. And this is. And this is where we get philosophical.

[B]

Let's get philosophical.

[A]

And hopefully this is where the numbers are trying to plummeting. We're.

[B]

Dude, we try. We're. This is the last one.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

We're going to fucking tank it.

[A]

That's 100%.

[B]

Don't watch. If you're still watching now, you've already registered one view, at least on YouTube.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Stop now, scumbags. Stop right now. Yeah, dude, but before you do, I'm gonna be in London September 7th. Really? Gotta. Gotta sell. We added a second show there.

[A]

Hell, yeah.

[B]

I'm gonna be in Memphis at some point in November or something. Well, maybe we plugged at the beginning.

[A]

Hell, yeah.

[B]

Well, let's give it a bag. Ben.

[A]

I've never been in Memphis. Memphis seems like it's gonna be cool. Never been.

[B]

I like Memphis. Yeah. Having a hard time selling tickets, though. So if you could.

[A]

Hey, London's good, though. That's good.

[B]

I really. I'm excited for London. I'm excited for Dublin.

[A]

So I think what happened is. With me, I think what's going on is, you know, my father was like a gambler, and I think gamblers are. You know, everyone thinks gamblers are addicted to winning, but I think they're addicted to losing. Right. Giannis and I have had this conversation before. He's actually the one that he was like, I think that could be it. And I think he's right. I brought up to my therapist. My therapist. Like, that's interesting.

[B]

Yeah, that's interesting. Another $200?

[A]

Yes, please. Yeah. My I think I'm addicted to losing. So when you move or try to lie, run out, like, because the last two moves have been we move and you feel like we feel like we lost everything we had. And then my. And then I spend two years trying to get it back. That's what gamblers do. They lose. And then you're trying to get it back, and you addicted to that feeling of, get it back, get it back.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I would do that even in, like, relationships. I'd be like, oh, everything's going good. Let me ruin it. Get it back, get it back, get it back.

[B]

Get some head on the switch.

[A]

So I'm realizing this pattern now. I don't know if I can necessarily stop it, but it is. I am never been more aware of, like, what's happening. So that's why when these feelings pop up with the specific moving, I'm like, what? You know what's happening now? It's. You're addicted to that losing. You're not going to do any of that. Don't do anything. Even I. Dude. We immediately moved in, and I said to Jaz, I was like, oh, you know, like, this, the house, like, you know, we really got to be careful financially. Like, we got to build back up. You know, it's a lot. You know, you got to invest in a house. And for anyone buying a home at any level, it's like, you deplete your.

[B]

Of course.

[A]

And it's tough and it's scary. And so. And so I'm like, we gotta, you know, really be careful. She's like, chris, totally. Like, I get it. Like, we don't need much, honestly. And then. Then 10 minutes later, I'm like, should we renovate the kitchen?

[B]

Why don't you get.

[A]

Let's get. And then I'll start texting contractors. And she's like, stop. Yeah, stop it. Yeah, you're doing this.

[B]

You have to do something now.

[A]

You're doing it within. Now you're not moving, but you're putting yourself. So.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Just stop it. Yeah.

[A]

And so. Because her whole thing is always, like, if you. Because even, like, with certain gigs that I want to do, she's like, chris, if you don't want to do something, don't do it. You carry so much strain with you all day. Like. Like, should I have done that?

[B]

She's like, just let it go. Either do it or don't.

[A]

She's like, just let it go. This is why I'm having an affair. That's why I have to keep cheating on you with real men.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Why do you think we could afford the new kitchen?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You think we're actually paying with money.

[A]

For that or do you think.

[B]

You think I really hit it off? Let's just say you gave the police a pie. I gave the contractors a little pie.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. But I. Dude, I know we've said it last week, but I think this all goes down to Catholic gifts. This is. Dude, that riddled with guilt. That's a religious thing. It's a frickin thing that you're overcome with. You just don't have it. I gotta go Greek. Dude.

[B]

I have guilt. I have guilt, but I have immigrant guilt. I have family guilt.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But I don't but morality or like doing so, you know, I like. And also there's no real pressure. Every family I saw was bad.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know what I mean? Like I just so in my head I have to reorganize where I'm like. Like I don't have the pressure. I mean I'm single obviously. I think that's probably. That's part of the problem is that I'm scared. I'm scared to end up like you.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I'm like I'm with a family I want to fucking. I keep either wanting to move the bet you're the best case scenario because like you could just be doing something worse than moving. But like I am scared to just. I do have the same thing of not wanting to feel trapped.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Everything you're describing to me is like feeling trapped.

[A]

Yeah. Like I keep asking Chachi PT if I can have a do over and they're like what do you mean?

[B]

We're so. By the way, when they put Chad GPT into sex robots, like you have a wife and kids. Think about someone who gets no just in their house has no emotional connection to anyone.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And they put chatgpt in a.

[A]

Like it's going to be so bad.

[B]

In a big titted Japanese.

[A]

Stop shootings though. You think it can limit shootings?

[B]

No, because now the CIA will just hack your chat GPT girlfriend and be like you should assassinate.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, whoever. You know, they'll. It'll be so much easier to set up assassination.

[A]

Interesting.

[B]

Because you don't have to send, you know, the guy who shot Kennedy to Cuba or whatever. You know, CA can save so much money on training.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And now they could just hardwire it into your sex robot while you're. You're like, you know, Triple D. You could pick any kind of the sex robot technology is Going to be a big problem. I think about myself 18 getting. No. Oh my God. What I would have done for a like next level sex robot that told me I'm a good guy that like I've been chatting with on chat GPT so it knows all my wants and needs.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What I would have done for like a fat titted, curly haired sex robot. Maybe a, maybe a red bone.

[A]

Because you can't talk to chat GPT sexually right now. It doesn't acknowledge it. It says I can't do that.

[B]

Oh, they're, they're about to change that. Yeah, they're gonna change that real. When they're, when they're gonna change that real soon. And then it's going to be like, you know, telling you who to vote for.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

You'll do what? They'll be able to control us so easily.

[A]

Oh yeah.

[B]

I mean, people are going to chat GPT so fast.

[A]

Stop.

[B]

By the way, stop talking to Chad. GPT everyone. That's for me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Take. Yeah. Don't. You'll end up like Chris. And now look, do I have it all figured out?

[A]

No.

[B]

Am I fat? You know, do I have my own vices? Do I have my own problems? Yes. But a computer will not solve it. A computer that's spying on you, by the way.

[A]

Well, not solve it. But you do. Just from a stress level. Even though I do love my life, there are times, even though again wouldn't change anything because I love coming home to my kids and there's so many.

[B]

Do you ever think about what happened if you just worn a condom on your first day?

[A]

Well, I think about that. Like if we're just talking about very specifically stress.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like my father, before I had my oldest daughter, he literally said to me the night before she was, you know, gonna give birth, he goes, oh, this will be the last night of peace you ever have.

[B]

Have.

[A]

And I was like, what do you mean by that? He's like, I'm not trying to scare you. I just want you. I just want to be honest with you. You're this. Tonight the baby's inside the mother. You're gonna go to sleep with your head on the pillow. And it'll be the last time that your brain and body are in the same place. Because every time from now on, unless you're in the same house with your child, your brain worried will be one way and you'll be worried about the child and it never goes away. He was like, you know, you're. At the time I was 30 he's like, you're 30 years old, and I still worry if you're home or not.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Okay. He was like, I don't blow up your phone and text you. And I can usually tell myself, chris is okay. He's a grown man. But he was like, you're having a daughter.

[B]

It's true.

[A]

I don't know. He's like, with girls, I don't know if it ever goes away because.

[B]

Yeah. You know, I feel like. Isn't it like. Basically, when you're a parent, you have a kid, it's like you're constantly. You're constantly playing a version of Final Destination in your head always. Which is like, all the ways your kid can fucking die without you even thinking about it, dude.

[A]

Because it's like, anything that happened, like, my daughter. My little daughter's scab keeps opening, and I'm like, well, what. What?

[B]

Could that bleed out?

[A]

Yeah. Is it going to bleed out? Or it's like, was that some type of skin disease? I don't freaking know about it. Well, how am I going to save her? Do I have to. John cue it and just, you know, shoot myself in the head like Denzel Washington? And it's just this paranoia of parents that I'm trying to learn to control now.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because it's easy for people to be like, just let go. Just let fate take its course. Like, no, you can't.

[B]

It's like.

[A]

It's like. It's like you. You are, like, right now, I'm doing this podcast with you. I'm looking at you, but my brain is kind of looking at my phone, being like, am I going to look at my phone and I'm going to have nine missed calls from Jasmine because something happened to her, one of the kids. Like, so that idea of, like, peace and just settling in. I don't know, like, if I can get to that without a little medication, I think I might just. I think I'm at the point now where I just need. I can't figure out. I've been working out. I've been trying to do everything. I've been meditating.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I've been going less on stoicism. I've been trying to do everything I can. I've been, you know, watching Hitler rally.

[B]

That's the last.

[A]

Oh, sorry.

[B]

I don't know about that last. Sorry. You're like, hopefully one day society will be organized in a way that makes sense. You just. You're talking all this. Like, that is true, that we are getting, like, spiritual Nazis right now. Yeah, like people. That is back in a big way. In a way that's like we. We all agree Nazis are bad. Right? How are people just, like, cool with being Nazis? It's insane.

[A]

Well, it's. Or it's gotten all the way around to where even the good ideas are like, it's all become. If you don't. If you don't agree with me, you're done.

[B]

You're not talking of Nazism. You're talking about. You're talking about the good ideas in general.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Because the way you phrase that, you're like. And it's gotten to the point where we won't even acknowledge the good ideas that Hitler. It's like, we have to cut and then we come back.

[A]

Yeah. No, it's like, it's like, look, you know, it's one of those things where society is. Now, if you don't agree with me, then you're wrong. Whether. Whether that person has a good idea or a bad idea. It's like, there's not that middle ground anymore, which is what being a human being is. It's like we're just all gray zone idiots.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

But that's becoming like, oh, you don't like who I. It's not even about voting anymore. It's like, oh, you don't like this idea that I. I'm very much like, I would assume we're not going to agree.

[B]

Yeah, it's weird. Everyone has to have an opinion on everything.

[A]

On everything. But that's social media, I'm telling you. You get off it.

[B]

Well, it's funny because, like, even. Even all the controversies that are happening where it's all like, you know, somebody gives a fuck. Like Sydney Sweeney, like, with her fucking American, I have good genes. It's like, she has big tits and she's selling jeans. Yeah, that's what that means.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's not an Aryan fucking dog with like. And, you know, it's like. Or just like. Like when people get mad, it's like. Or like conservatives getting mad that south park is making fun of Trump. It's like.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Wasn't the nice part about being like a Republican that you didn't have to care about what media said?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Wasn't it gay liberals rattled when they didn't. Like, it's like, why do you have to know? Why do you have to have opinions? Why can't you just watch a movie and just have a good time?

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

You know what I mean? In fact, it used to be trans stuff. The funniest Thing you could do is put a guy in a dress.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's like the. Through humanity.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And now people would see, like, Monty Python sketches and be like, is that okay? This is train. They're like, you're trying to chop my child's dick off.

[A]

Yeah, dude, Patrick Swayze in a dress was amazing. May.

[B]

Oh, yeah, that. Yeah, yeah, it was him. Wesley Snipes.

[A]

And was it John Leguizam?

[B]

Legamo.

[A]

Amazing.

[B]

Classic.

[A]

Classic, dude. Love it.

[B]

What's wrong with Little Cross with Sydney.

[A]

Sweeney as a Nazi?

[B]

Well, again, that is wrong. Okay, but what's wrong with her having huge tits?

[A]

That's not the other thing. No problem.

[B]

By the way, it's like, are they not paying her? Why does she keep doing commercials? Yeah, like, it's like, does she not make enough money?

[A]

Well, no. You know what? You know what's happening, by the way? This episode sucks. And I think we're doing a great job. This is. We're 35 minutes into absolute bullshit. I mean, real fucking stinkers.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Which is great.

[B]

That is the point. It's over. We told you. It's. It's. This is like. Usually they throw like a ice cream party at school.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know what I mean? This is like. It's July, It's June. It's the end of June. We're about to go on vacation.

[A]

Labor Day.

[B]

We don't like this, by the way. Way. We don't like this podcast either.

[A]

We don't care. Sabi and I have both made burner accounts, and we're just. Absolutely. We're galvanizing some of these comments.

[B]

We're fueling all this stuff.

[A]

No, but wait, what was. What was I saying? I was going to just jump in and say something before. Damn it.

[B]

It's okay, man.

[A]

Who cares? I'm forgetting.

[B]

Remember the show?

[A]

I had a good point. I had.

[B]

It probably wasn't that good.

[A]

Yeah, you're right. It probably was going to be something dumb. Dude, we. If you want to see real comedic gold, go go over to. We Might Be Drunk. Me and Stavi jumped in on.

[B]

That was actually really fun.

[A]

That was really, actually. Where the go Comedy gold.

[B]

That was the funniest thing we've done all day. But it's okay. It doesn't matter.

[A]

No, but there was something. There was something that I was just literally gonna try to fr.

[B]

It's not gonna be worth it.

[A]

It's not.

[B]

You're gonna do this, and then you're gonna say, it's gonna be like a C. Yeah. And all the hemming and hawing. No one's gonna like it, right? It's all right, dude. All right, well, cares.

[A]

We're in here. We're in here trying. Oh, they said they're asking us. Did any swingers reach out after the two episodes ago? I did not. I don't know. I haven't been on social media. Did you get any. Any swingers?

[B]

No swingers. And by the way. Okay, that is an important thing. I would like to reiterate. If you. If you listen to the podcast and you want to suck me off, I'm.

[A]

Open for business 100%.

[B]

Okay. Hit. Hit the DMS. Show me a titty or two. I'm not going to say no to it.

[A]

Remember Stavi's merch that we coined last week? Somebody will suck you off.

[B]

Somebody will suck you off.

[A]

Yeah, Yeah, I think. I think I. Swingers. Now, I, in this state of my life, would say, probably not a good idea. No for me. But as we get older, why not? Why not? Why not in our 50s? You've been married 20 years. Why not open it up? I think as life goes on, just.

[B]

A lot of it gets complicated, I feel like. And then also think about. I mean, I guess if your kids are out of the house, but I've met people whose parents were, like, swingers, and it would be like, you have to go, like, to a pizza party, and you just know your mom's getting spit roasted while your dad's in the chair jacking off.

[A]

Yeah, that can't be a good.

[B]

That's good. You're not really enjoying Zelda and Papa John's pizza when in the back of your head, you're thinking, like, I know what's going on in my house.

[A]

Yeah. No, you're doing comedy at the Revisionist Lounge. You're taking the Amtrak up to see. To see what's. I mean, they. You know, this is amazing. Is that. Literally. It's our last Summer Bears episode, and Tom and Bert didn't even send in videos. They couldn't have cared less.

[B]

Don't give a fuck. Should we call them?

[A]

You want to call them? Or see if there's some famous. Some of their most famous videos, too?

[B]

Let's just see. I bet you they're not going to answer.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So just call. See what we got. Okay.

[A]

Okay. So who should I call? Tom or Bert?

[B]

Whoever you got. Whoever you got. First of them, though, should I try Bert? Try Bert. Yeah. Cuz, like, here's the other thing.

[A]

17 numbers for Bert. All right, here we go. Here we go. Let me call him Nine. He's up, right?

[B]

Oh, good point.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

9:30.

[A]

9, 30 in LA. Bert, what's up, baby? It's me and Stavi. We're live. The very last summer Bears. We're coming to. We wanted to call you.

[D]

Hang on. Oh, taking my blood pressure medicine.

[B]

Oh, you really.

[A]

How many milligrams are you on?

[D]

I have no idea anymore.

[A]

I don't count Losarin. I'm almost Arden.

[D]

Yeah, Losarin and Amoled. A pain.

[A]

Oh, wow. You got two. Nice.

[B]

The cocktails.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I like to. I like to take care of myself. How's Wasabi's weight doing, dude?

[A]

Stavi actually looks good, but Benson spoon. Josh Zolo brought us in tiramisu and cookies and all that and really put Stavi in a hole before the podcast started.

[B]

It is tough.

[D]

You guys. You guys killed it this past. This past six weeks, seven weeks, whenever it was. Thank you.

[A]

Of course, man.

[B]

Thank you. You haven't seen the last two.

[A]

Yeah, the last two, they're bad. We've been trying to dive it.

[B]

We're trying to, like, leave it. We're trying to bomb the last two. You know what I mean?

[A]

We thought it started zero. We thought it'd be fun for you guys to just take it out of. I mean, an Even. The gaping hole that you left it with us. To us with.

[D]

It was like, do you remember that pilot in Seattle that.

[B]

That.

[D]

That guy that stole the plane and did a barrel roll?

[B]

Yes. The first four episodes was us doing little tricks.

[D]

You guys are like, hold on. It's still fun. I want to try one more.

[A]

Yeah, just one more. Now we're in the side of Mount Rainier.

[B]

He cleared the water by 10ft.

[A]

100. We no, we just. Because we. We thought maybe you guys, for. We're having fun here. We thought maybe the last episode we'd send in a video, but we didn't even get that. So we're like, let's just call.

[B]

You guys are as checked out as.

[A]

We are about to.

[D]

But my first. My initial instinct, because I like when you guys break down other comments, that's always been fun for us. And so my initial instinct was, you know, Tom and I have a vodka, but Joe's diversified himself so much that I think having a vodka is just hack these days, that you need to have a real brand based on the comic. So I was going to have you go through a list of comics and say, really what their fans would buy based on who they are.

[A]

Okay, okay.

[D]

Like. Like, Like. Like, Morrell has bodega cat. But what could he really sell to people based on his dull personality?

[A]

Right, right, right. Yeah.

[B]

Maybe an eyebrow. Maybe a wax kit.

[A]

A wax kit.

[B]

A wax kit.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

What would his fans go? Oh, yeah, that is what I love about Sam.

[A]

Yeah. He could sell, like, Knicks jerseys to special needs kids. Yeah, that's okay. Yeah. So that.

[B]

We'll think of some branding.

[A]

Some branding. We'll pick some comics. Think of some branding thing.

[D]

Like, I had a flip that did really well, and then they changed the brand on it, and I was like, I backed out.

[A]

Right, right.

[B]

Interesting.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You.

[A]

You are branded. Yeah. Flip flop guy. What are you. Flip flop. You could sell. You could sell your own blood pressure medicine. That's the next frontier. Forget about Pfizer. It's Chrysler.

[D]

You know for a fact that I treat my body the same way LeBron James does.

[A]

100. I know you do.

[B]

No, that is good. If I can survive.

[A]

And I know that your liver is the same color as his skin.

[D]

Yesterday, I did a podcast with a guy who has blood pressure issues in his face red. And he was like. He's like, just, you know, it's not my blood pressure. And he was like, 270 pounds and 80. 280 pounds. And I was like, sure. And then he's like, no, you got it too. And I was like, I need more blood pressure.

[A]

Wait, hold on. We want to go back to something you just said. So we're over here doing your podcast, and you just said you're doing a podcast, so you could. You could have been doing the show I just raped.

[D]

Dude, it's Tom's one that bailed on it. Dude, I wrapped my TV show.

[B]

Oh, hell yeah.

[D]

Tom's like, oh, man, I need another week. I got. I got another week of production. I can't do anything.

[B]

I love it. Well, we're done. So you're gonna have to go to the bottom of the barrel if you need another week. Week. I don't know who the you're gonna.

[A]

Get if you can't do it. We don't know. We don't know who you're gonna have to drag out. Who can they drag out after we're done? You're gonna have to get like, who the hell.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Who could be who the real challenge is. I want you guys to do one podcast with Tom each where he's just dull and gives you no feedback and no energy and doesn't laugh at you anymore because he's dead inside.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

I love this. We're doing couples counseling.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Someone I watch.

[B]

I watch Dad's on the phone, their.

[D]

Podcast, and I watch them still laugh at each other. And I go, oh, I remember those days.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

You guys are like the. The married couple at an orgy watching the newlyweds just the. Out of each other.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

You guys are just trying to jack off each other's limp dicks.

[D]

Is an eye roll.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, yeah, that's it. Okay. Yeah. So. All right, all right. That's good.

[B]

That's good feedback. You know, we'll see. We'll call Tom. He probably won't pick up.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And then, you know, we'll see if can. You know, we can. We'll see what he has to say.

[A]

Yeah, we'll see. We'll see if. We'll see if that's. That's the. That's the key. We'll see if at least Bert answered on the first race.

[B]

That's true.

[A]

We'll see if Tom even. Tom even answers. Tom, like, I can't answer. I'm thinking of different ways to my pants on Netflix.

[B]

Yeah. I'm crafting an even bigger fake dick for season two.

[D]

Season two of Bad Ideas.

[A]

Yeah. All right, baby. Go enjoy the blood pressure medicine. Enjoy the flip flop ops. We appreciate it.

[D]

I love you guys. Thank you so much.

[B]

Love you, brother.

[D]

Six episodes of something.

[A]

100%.

[D]

All right.

[A]

Thank you, bro. Later.

[B]

See you, dude.

[A]

So if that didn't plummet the ratings, I. I honestly, if. If calling Burt, if you're still listening after we just called Bert and he.

[B]

I believe he called it Bad Ideas.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Which is called Bad Thoughts.

[A]

Right. So if that does. If you're still listening now, you truly need more mental health than I do. We literally just called Burt and Bert talked about himself for 10 minutes.

[B]

I love the first idea, and I do feel bad because you were holding the phone so I couldn't really shit. But his idea was, like branding. It's like his idea for a bit is like, what could a comic sell that's better than alcohol?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's like, how about we tell a joke?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Stand up comedy is what we sell. It's like, yeah, but he will be rich. You know, we'll. We'll all be, oh, my God, when the apocalypse happens, we will be living in one of Bert's eight tour buses. That will be. I'll be. We'll be sharing one of Bert's decommissioned buses as our, like, I'll be like your child's nanny.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know what? I Mean, they're paying.

[A]

They're paying us from just dividends of poor Osos. They're not even going into their pocket. This is just runoff from Osos. But yeah, I feel like. I feel like. I mean, I mean, Bert's idea of brand. I mean, dude, I don't know. Yeah. Sam Nick stuff. Mark Norman fricking. I mean, they already have a brand in bodega Cat. You know, I'm not selling.

[B]

I mean, the one thing I would like to get into at some point in my life is leisure wear for the plus size gentlemen.

[A]

I like that.

[B]

I would love. And that's not even because I want to make money on it. It's because, like, I know what it's like to be a fat guy that can't find clothes and I want to find fun pieces.

[A]

And you should call instead of Lululemon, call it Moo Moo Lemon.

[B]

That's what it is. Oh, mumu melons.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Now we got. Now we're selling clothes for fat titted ladies.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Moomoo melons actually is a great name for.

[A]

I mean, they also are asking us what should Tom and Bert do when they come back? How do they win the audience back, end the show? Right. How do they. How would they.

[B]

Actually, I think a murder suicide. I think a fight to the death.

[A]

Death, yes.

[B]

And whoever died, whoever kills the other one keeps the podcast.

[A]

Yeah, kind of how. Like, I forgot one of them bought Hitler's teacup. They can pull a Hitler and just do a. A suicide with Eva Braun. Like just an assisted suicide. And that's.

[B]

Oh, you know, what a game of Russian roulette.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

Until one of them dies. I think that's the only thing that will satiate the fans bloodlust.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I think they need to watch one of them and just like. And. And the thing is, you know, Tom, even though he wants to. To live, he actually wouldn't be like that shaken. And Bert would be like crying every time the. Like there would be like, he'd be like. He'd be sad for both Tom and himself.

[A]

Yeah, he would.

[B]

And Tom would just be there. Tom would probably rig it somehow to kill Bert. If we're being honest, Tom would probably figure it out.

[A]

And I love that, like Bert wins, like, you know, and blows his own brains out. And then the team at one like Benson Spoon would know to edit Burt's brains flying out of his head with his tour dates and every specimen. Like, he would just know that that's what I have to do because he's got A big date at Red Rock. So he would like.

[B]

What if Bert shoots part of his brain out and he survives and it just doesn't affect his act?

[A]

Yeah, he does the same thing. That's hilarious, dude. Bad ideas is funny.

[B]

Calling it bad ideas is awesome.

[A]

But do you think that was a bit or do you think he actually thinks the name of the show. You think he's looking on Netflix, like, why can't I find show?

[B]

You know what? You actually. You know. Yeah, that's so funny. Yeah, he's just like, it's not on Hulu. Yeah. You know how they say. I like that, though. There was a little snipping. There was like, him being like, you know, he just sits there dead eyed. I think they have it out. I think they start arguing. For real.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I think a little them. Them airing out, like, kind of go back to like that episode of Marin where it's Louis and it was like a three part. It's like everything they have against each other.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We could be the moment where they air all their grievances.

[A]

Yeah, we actually. That could be fun. We saved the show.

[B]

Yeah. We didn't.

[A]

No.

[B]

Yeah, there's no chance. There's no chance. But why don't we call Tom, see if he picks up? Yeah, like we said, we're phoning it in. Yeah, we are quite literally phoning this one in.

[A]

Yeah, we're phoning. Yeah. All right, so let's call Tom. I love how they all have. This is the seventh number I have for all of them. Yeah. All right, let's call it. Call Tom Segur. I have Tom Segura. New.

[B]

New.

[A]

Newest. Yeah. Yeah. All right, here we go. So now we're calling Tom.

[B]

That makes sense. I was texting him last year and was getting nothing.

[A]

No response. Let's see if.

[B]

But I got the new one.

[A]

Tom being the true professional. Second. Second ring.

[B]

He's not going to answer.

[A]

No.

[B]

No way. He.

[A]

No way Tom answered even a fourth.

[B]

Your call has been for.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

No message right at the phone. Please record your message up yet. Leaving a voice memo is gay, I think. And I respect Tom for that. I respect Tom for saying, you know what? I know what you guys are doing.

[B]

We. He was like, listen, we paid you to fill in.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

I'm not gonna. I'm. He's gonna dock our pay. Five minutes if he talks. Five minutes.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

He'll be like, hey, listen, this is five minutes. You didn't have to do your job.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Right. Yeah.

[B]

I love.

[A]

Yeah. So Tom Tom, just being the professional that he is, said, guys, don't call me. Don't call me. Okay.

[B]

Like it's.

[A]

What are we doing?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

So. Well, you know, I mean, here's the thing. Here's the thing is we could come back as the Fall Bears. But we. We. It would just.

[B]

We won't be the Autumn Bears. No.

[A]

You don't think so? What about the Winter Bears?

[B]

Winter Bears?

[A]

Or should we just look forward to this where we are the Summer Bears.

[B]

I don't mind being the Summer Bears. I'll come back in the summer.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Listen, if they. In a pinch, if they need us to, like, you know, fill in for an episode or two, that could be fun. But we need a break.

[E]

Congrats on the last episode.

[A]

What is this, baby?

[E]

You guys earned it. San Francisco Chronicles.

[B]

We got cocky clears. Look at those ass.

[F]

And one for your.

[A]

Get in here.

[B]

Hey, buddy, we're doing the last.

[A]

This is the last 10 minutes of the last Summer Bears ever. We got Mark and Sam. Came on. Hey, that's it, man.

[B]

Yeah, dude.

[A]

Well, now. Now that I have black in my face.

[B]

Yeah, we'll.

[E]

We'll like Lisa Lampinelli.

[B]

Yeah, we'll just vamp for five minutes. Then we'll spend the last five minutes eating eclairs.

[A]

There it is.

[B]

There. Sit down.

[A]

Why did you guys just finish with Harland? I got neurovirus and Mark's stupid barbecue I really love. How long were you puking?

[E]

Everybody's sick.

[B]

What was it?

[E]

I think it was a neurovirus. It's like a bug thing. When did you guys know what was.

[A]

The last puke or you guys took?

[E]

I never got it.

[A]

But you never got it.

[B]

This is.

[F]

He's always skating around.

[E]

I never got it.

[F]

No, I.

[A]

When's the last time puke?

[F]

I was puking and stomach cramps at the same time on Sunday night.

[B]

Hold on. You. You. You accused a hand roll restaurant of giving you food poisoning.

[A]

I pulled a move and I love.

[B]

That place and it broke my heart. We ate there together. We've been there together.

[F]

No, we went to Nami Nori.

[B]

Oh. We went to.

[F]

I would never turn on Nami Nori. I turn on Kazu Nori Oh.

[E]

Kazu Nori I turn on Nori Davis. No one will get that joke.

[B]

Not true.

[A]

Even dog's brain is just like.

[F]

Pun, pun. Nor Davis, activate.

[B]

Do you think you will just be in a nursing home just doing word association? You won't remember your child's name. You don't remember his face. But you'll be like, yeah, he just.

[A]

Keeps doing his letterman set.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[F]

So time for your pill, sir. I'll tell you who is a pill.

[E]

Jo List.

[A]

Who was list.

[B]

Naughty list.

[F]

We went around looking for.

[B]

I appreciate this.

[F]

Ch for in the village.

[B]

Beautiful. We do need to eat one. We need to take one. Let's take five more minutes. We'll do our contractual hour.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And then we'll get the out. We see how much we give a about this show. We just have a countdown. The second and the second it hits one hour, we're like, all right, yeah, cut the checks. Burton, Tom.

[A]

This is what we're here. This is what their fans want. They just want to listen to an hour of just us on them and on the show. That is weird. This is what is really weird.

[B]

This is.

[A]

This is what podcasting's become.

[E]

This is like Brendan sh's Reddit.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, we have run this thing into the ground, man.

[F]

I heard Tracy Morgan back in the day would do 45 on the dot. He like. He was like, I'm getting the paycheck. I'm obligated to do 45. And sometimes mid joke, he'd see the light. It would come on at 45 and go. And then, oh, thank you very much, guys.

[A]

Mid Joe.

[B]

Respect. Respect. It's not an art form. That's the thing to remember. This is not art.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know, and we. We. We've deluded ourselves into thinking that.

[E]

Yes.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So do you guys have any, you know, do you see yourselves going down the bur. Do you guys, like, very thinly veiled. Will you do a podcast while you clearly hate each other still, or what do you think?

[E]

Well, we better not, because we got a pod, a movie, and a of whiskey.

[F]

Mark's easy. He's easy to get along with.

[E]

I love it.

[B]

I love it. He can't.

[F]

He can't do confrontation. So we'll never fight Silently resent me if he hates me, but that's how it'll happen.

[E]

But I'll drink it away.

[B]

Yeah, actually, maybe you guys are on the two bears path. That's it.

[F]

We've, like, never fought.

[A]

Have you guys missed an episode of we might be drunk and whatever since it started or every week there's been one.

[E]

We now it.

[A]

Every week you have 52 in a row. Yeah. For the last. Whatever it is.

[E]

Well, b, I went to Australia. We're going on. He goes. He goes to Europe. We bank him.

[A]

Amazing.

[E]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[A]

See that. That's good. That I don't have as A consistent. No, I mean, I've. I'm starting to let them fall by the wayside now.

[E]

Years ago, you got like nine pods.

[A]

Yeah, well, they're starting. Like, we got this one. I'm doing the history and then starting to fall apart.

[B]

I said, chris, I'm dreading the phone call of him being like, we got to start a pod together. Chris, it's. Let me. Let's nip it in the bud right now. We're not doing another podcast. I love to do your podcast. You can come on mine.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, but you guys are still going strong with the pod. You still think it's the way. Just keep it going. Something to do, something to do. Well, what about you? Now that you got a kid, you want to do it more? Like, as the kid gets older, I'm going to be interested to see, well, going on the road and doing all this stuff. If you're going to be like, yeah, do I do it? Do I do it more?

[E]

You're talking to a guy. I don't do anything, obviously. I don't want to do any little thing. You know, my wife's like, what about this wedding? I'm like, why would I go to the wedding? You know, I don't even want to do a pod. So, like, yeah, every little. The smallest you can do, you do it right.

[B]

Maybe Mark will turn into a recluse. I could see that for you.

[E]

Oh, I would love to be a rec.

[B]

Sure. You could be.

[E]

Study to be a recluse.

[B]

You have your study where you hear yell at your kid if he. Yeah, like, I'm studying my. You know, my. Instead of like books, you're just watching old comedy. It's like you're. You're a recluse, but you don't have any knowledge.

[E]

Right.

[B]

It's not like a library. You can't teach him anything. You're like, here's the rule of three, son. Yeah, and that's pretty much all I got. We really have nothing to give. The next generation's not gonna know what to read.

[F]

But he knows who Mort Saul is.

[B]

I was thinking about that too. It's like there used to be, like, younger women would fuck like professors or like titans of industry and they would learn things. And it's like now it's like, if you fuck me, I'm like, yeah, George Clooney was Batman once. And like a 24 year old's really. I'm like, yeah, he had nipples on his suit. Like, that's, that's the. That's the fucking like wisdom I have to give people.

[F]

We used to rent it at Blockbuster. Blockbuster. Let me sit you down real quick.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[E]

He's gonna go get movies.

[F]

It's glorious. Is 24 your lowest? You'd go.

[B]

I think so. Yeah.

[A]

Age wise.

[F]

Yeah, I think that's a good cut off 24.

[B]

But they say.

[A]

They say now the newest studies 27. They think now is when the brain fully forms into the adult.

[B]

I'll bump it up to 25.

[F]

Los Angeles comedians.

[A]

Yeah.

[F]

That we get to know.

[A]

Yeah, I know 27. Well, when I saw the news, I was shocked. When I saw that 27, I was like, 27.

[E]

Come on. What about like a young female CEO, right? How's that work?

[B]

This is awesome. Just like inventing a woman to allow yourself to younger people in theory.

[A]

Good point.

[E]

I'm just saying there. If you can't a 23 year old, then a 23 year old shouldn't be a CEO.

[F]

Name a young female CEO right now.

[E]

I don't know any CEO.

[A]

Someone who's out there a lot. What about like a war torn girl?

[E]

She's live.

[A]

She's lived refugee. Hey, she's 21. But she grew up in Ukraine.

[E]

Yes.

[A]

She's 35. To an American girl, that makes it 38 dog years.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Hold on.

[F]

She didn't see any of the war, but she left. So she's still affected.

[B]

I see what he's doing.

[A]

100%, dude.

[E]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah, she. She grew up like near. She was in Ukraine.

[B]

This is good. This is. Our goal was to tank minimizing damage. Being like you should be able to young refugees.

[A]

This is the part of the podcast that these fans love. This goes viral now. Yeah, that is true. We're on c. And you know what's.

[B]

Really to go viral? The last minute of us silently eating big dick eclairs.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

How do we cut?

[A]

Which one do you. Do you want the one with more jizz or more veins?

[B]

I want. I want the j. I want the veins.

[A]

Oh, look at that little candle.

[F]

This is like New Year's.

[E]

This is great, man.

[F]

The down everything. Oh, my God.

[E]

Oh, you castrated.

[F]

Look at that.

[A]

That is.

[E]

That's a good.

[A]

I'm not going to eat the balls.

[F]

You know what?

[A]

I'll eat the balls. That's it. The two bears, one cave here. Should we dock it?

[B]

Yeah, let's do.

[A]

Oh, come on.

[E]

I'm taking a salud.

[A]

All right. I feel like Joe Derosa. I could eat this whole thing.

[B]

This is good.

[E]

What?

[F]

It was just 10 more minutes of it.

[B]

Well, just People hate when you eat into a mic. This we really have finished. We? That was me and Chris's goal is to tank the pod. Yeah, I feel like the last minute be seeing our friends just coming in and us catching up. You're not even on camera. This is meant for two people.

[E]

We're like billionaires in the submarine.

[B]

Oh my God. Pretty good.

[A]

Oh, it's pretty good. Yeah, pretty. It's awesome. Well, we gotta eat more chocolate.

[B]

Yeah, that's great.

[E]

Thanks for having me on Cometown.

[B]

That's an hour. Bye.

[A]

Chris and Stauby Stal and Chris Neither.

[B]

Grows a beard and they both wear shirts. Staube's a Greek and Chris is a gay. And some may say the show is better this way.

[F]

Here's what we call.

[B]

Two bears, one cave.

[A]

Yeah.