Tom and Bert's Favorite OF Submissions | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Summary

Podcast Summary: 2 Bears, 1 Cave — “Tom and Bert's Favorite OF Submissions”

Episode Date: October 6, 2025
Hosts: Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Studio: YMH Studios

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Main Theme & Purpose

In this episode of "2 Bears, 1 Cave," Tom and Bert hilariously review OnlyFans model submissions from fans, discuss the evolution of VR pornography, riff on parenting and generational changes, and brainstorm new business and podcast ideas—all while embracing their signature irreverent, freewheeling comedy style. They reflect on personal experiences, cultural observations, and crowdsource input for their next collaborative project.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Bert’s Introduction to VR Pornography (00:00 – 03:15)

• Bert experiences interactive VR porn, narrating in real time.
  • “Okay, there is a Russian chick in a red dress ... I'm in a nice bespoked kitchen ... Oh. Now I'm her.” — Bert (00:35)
  • Tom jokes about bringing VR porn to conservative places: “Something tells me that might not go well [in Riyadh].” (01:15)
• Bert marvels at how realistic and immersive VR porn feels, questioning “Why would you ever date a chick?” (01:20)
• He considers the implications for relationships and even ponders sex robots: “Should we make one and bring it?” (02:04)

2. Celebrity Monologues, Media Influence, and Political Commentary (03:20 – 07:14)

• Discussion on Jimmy Kimmel’s recent monologue—praise for its heart and humor.
  • Tom: “Monologue wise, it was probably a 10 out of 10 for what he was aiming to do.” (03:36)
• Bert riffing on political figures manipulating media and markets, specifically referencing Trump’s influence.
• Tom discusses potential legal consequences for public figures’ statements: “If it were anybody other than a sitting US President, you would have seen aggressive tactics.” (06:47)

3. Parenting, Drugs, and Changing Generations (07:14 – 10:01)

• Bert shares his mother's old-school pregnancy advice (“...we weren’t allowed to take anything...”), reminisces about seeing pregnant women smoking, and tells a story about witnessing a young woman breastfeeding on the subway.
• Tom and Bert break down societal attitudes toward breastfeeding and public nudity.

4. Fetish Porn & Private Search Histories (10:01 – 12:22)

• Bert introduces Tom to “freeze porn,” describing a typical scenario in vivid detail.
  • “It toys with … no consent. But they always consent towards the end, right?” — Bert (10:51)
• The hosts talk about their comfort (or lack thereof) in sharing their porn search histories.
  • Bert: “Half the time I look at porn...I’m looking for a joke about porn.” (11:36)

5. Dangers of VR: Physical Embarrassment and Overstimulation (12:13 – 12:53)

• Tom admits to physical mishaps while wearing a VR headset: “You forget that you’re wearing it ... you walk into a desk as you’re coming.” (12:24)
• Bert recalls a panic attack from a VR hot-air balloon simulation.

6. Screen Time, Parenting Styles, and Kids’ Content Evolution (14:09 – 20:35)

• After a sponsor break, they discuss kids’ media habits: Bert describes his niece’s obsession with YouTube-like videos.
• Tom details the evolution of what kids watch, supervision of homework, and keeping iPad usage limited to maintain balance.
  • “We encourage [going outside] a lot ... you have to drag them in, which is normal, I think.” — Tom (18:09)
• Generational differences in upbringing are highlighted, with humor about “woke” kids versus “redneck Republicans.”

7. Wokeness, Parenting Challenges, and Comedy Boundaries (21:09 – 25:07)

• Bert describes his daughters becoming more socially conscious (“woke”) during the pandemic as peer groups changed.
• Mentions how touring with edgier comedians softened their rigidity around offensive jokes:
  • “Those guys just...They broke it out of her. They turned her into a regular person.” — Bert on his daughter’s experience on the road (24:00)
• The difficulty of adapting language (“bro,” “big guy”) amid shifting gender sensitivities.

8. OnlyFans Submissions Review: The Main Event (27:52 – 37:54)

• The hosts read listener submissions from aspiring OnlyFans models.

  1. Kens, the newlywed Midwesterner:
     • “She’s got fantasy quality…she looks like she reads. She probably likes Lord of the Rings.” — Bert (29:07)
  2. Delilah, the pro:
     • “I’m a small-town Wisconsin MILF who’s been spreading my wet flap on the internet for five years now. I’m most known for taking LARGE fantasy dildos, and of course my Porosos video...” — Delilah’s written submission (30:51)
     • Tom and Bert marvel at her bottle trick, professionalism, and tattoos.
  3. Transformation Content Creator:
     • Wants to chronicle a 'glow up' journey—cosmetic procedures, fitness—with audience involvement.
     • “I think I’d come in more like the Tom of OF ... as opposed to being driven by fame and attention like Bert.” — Anonymous submission (34:14)
  4. The Husband-Submitted Model:
     • Husband submits wife; Bert is wary: “I want to deal with her directly. I don’t want to have to go talk to him.”
  5. Male Entrant (‘Please pimp me, Bert’):
     • Bert: “He’s got a great cock ... you can’t even get fully hard.”

• They agree to post a fan vote carousel of the best finalists for audience input.

  • “We’ll both share it and let our fans vote on who our OnlyFans model is going to be.” — Bert (37:17)
  • They envision an MTV Cribs-style intro video as the model’s debut content.

9. Business Pitch: The Adult Locker Room (38:34 – 44:34)

• Bert pitches a “locker room” gym and hangout for adults, recreating team-sport camaraderie.
  • Tom: “You need a unified goal … It’s the hanging out, busting balls, bonding over things that suck…” (39:23)
  • Bert sees it as a hybrid gym/social club, where everyone’s got a nickname, uniform, and in-jokes—a “Fight Club” vibe but for ex-athletes.
  • “Maybe we’re creating mini sports teams.” — Bert (44:34)

10. The Legendary 5K and Jelly Roll’s Weight Loss (45:39 – 48:46)

• Reminiscing about the 2 Bears 5K fun run and its positive influence on Jelly Roll's dramatic weight loss journey.
  • “If you type in Jelly on Bertcast… he had to sleep on his side because if he slept on his back, he had a chance of choking and aspirating…” — Bert (47:16)
  • Celebrates community support and plans another group 5K.

11. More VR Porn Jokes & Parenting Fears (49:20 – 52:06)

• Tom and Bert joke about the psychological dangers of VR porn for teens: “It would wreck what you would have done, like, trying to meet and get with girls…” — Tom (51:29)
• Bert equates early exposure to VR porn with learning to “pop wheelies” before basic riding skills.

12. Dog Breeds and Losing a Pet (52:06 – 59:06)

• Heartfelt discussion about grieving the loss of a pet and the process of getting a new dog.
  • Deliberation over breed names (Cane Corso vs. Connie Corso), their origins, and legalities.
  • Tom: “Rarely feel like I get to say, wow, I really learned something from you today, Bert. But it is Kane Corso.” (56:19)
• Bert nostalgically recounts his relationship with his late dog, Mac.

13. Cats—Specifically Marilyn Rice-Cub’s Wild Beast (59:14 – 61:43)

• Tom and Bert briefly debate cat ownership.
• Discuss comedian Mary Lynn Rajskub’s Savannah cat, awe-struck by its wildness:
  • “Her cat is awesome, dude. Her cat would protect her. Look at how big that cat is.” — Bert (59:52)
  • Tom: “That looks like a wild cat. What is that, a bobcat?” (59:57)

14. Wrap Up: Next Steps, Soft Pitches, and Friendship (61:43 – End)

• Summary: Dog and cat facts, reaffirmation of OnlyFans plans, prepping for the next 5K, and Bert pitching business ideas.
  • “If you’re out there and you’re saying to us, hey, Bert and Tom, that locker room idea is not that bad — can I give you a soft pitch on it?” — Bert (61:46)
• Mutual affection and classic sendoff.
  • Bert: “Hey, just come back alive, okay? I love you.” (62:10)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• VR Porn Realness:
  “Why would you ever date a chick? Why would you ever go out to a bar? Why would you ever do anything when you can just bang tens for real? I gotta try jerking off with it.” — Bert (01:20)

• Comedy vs. Political Correctness:
  “You have a stadium full of people… She goes, well, can I laugh at it? And I go, did you find it funny?” — Bert, on navigating social boundaries around edgy standup comedy (24:00)

• Parenting and Technology:
  “We don’t let them do iPads during the weekends. …We do homework right after dinner … Getting them to do it is the thing, man.” — Tom (18:37)

• OnlyFans Submission Banter:
  “You kind of were born to do this. I feel like that’s a good idea…” — Tom, on Bert’s OnlyFans Cribs tour concept (38:28)

• Heartfelt Reflection:
  “Dogs are the best.” — Tom (59:08)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| Segment / Topic | Timestamp | |------------------------------------------------------|----------------| | Bert’s VR Porn Experience | 00:00 – 03:15 | | Jimmy Kimmel, Trump & Media Manipulation | 03:20 – 07:14 | | Parenting Old vs. New, Breastfeeding, Smoking | 07:14 – 10:01 | | Freeze Porn, Search Histories | 10:01 – 12:22 | | VR Mishaps | 12:13 – 12:53 | | Kids & Screen Time | 14:09 – 20:35 | | Parenting, Wokeness, Language Shifts | 21:09 – 25:07 | | OnlyFans Submissions Review | 27:52 – 37:54 | | “Locker Room” Business Pitch | 38:34 – 44:34 | | 2 Bears 5K, Jelly Roll’s Weight Loss | 45:39 – 48:46 | | VR Porn & Teens | 49:20 – 52:06 | | Pet Loss & Dog Ownership | 52:06 – 59:06 | | Mary Lynn’s Wild Cat, Cat Ownership | 59:14 – 61:43 | | Episode Wrap-Up | 61:43 – End |

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Final Thoughts

True to form, Tom and Bert deliver a riotous, open-ended, and raunchy exploration of their current obsessions (from porn tech to pets), only to land, time and again, on the joys, pangs, and absurdities of modern life. The OnlyFans contest is left in the hands of the fans, while the locker room camaraderie idea gets plenty of support for future development. Above all, the chemistry and mutual affection between the hosts make this a classic “2 Bears, 1 Cave” — both hilarious and oddly heartwarming.

Transcript

[A]

Take your clothes. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Holy shit. Holy shit, holy shit. Okay, Tom, this is incredible. Hundred percent.

[B]

Yep. Welcome to another episode of Two Bears, One Cave.

[A]

Oh, shit. I hit pause. Fuck. God, Tom, this is insane. This isn't. This is the greatest thing I've ever watching.

[B]

Adult footage in virtual reality. So what's going on? What are you seeing?

[A]

Okay, there is a Russian chick in a red dress, okay. And she's sucking my dick. And, Tom, I have abs. I have limited pubes. I have skinny legs. My jeans are to the left. I'm in a nice bespoked kitchen. I got a. Oh. Oh. Now I'm her.

[B]

Now I'm her.

[A]

Oh, hold on.

[B]

You don't have to thrust. You can just watch.

[A]

No, it's kind of cool. I'm on the same timing. He is. I wish you could touch her.

[B]

You could try.

[A]

Nope. I'm going right through her face.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Holy. Tom, this is next level.

[B]

Pretty cool stuff.

[A]

You should bring this to Riyadh with you.

[B]

Something tells me that might not go well.

[A]

I don't think so.

[B]

I don't think so.

[A]

This is insane. That. This is crazy. This is the future. Why would you ever date a chick? Why would you ever go out to a bar? Why would you ever do anything when you can just bang tens for real? I gotta try jerking off with it.

[B]

Well, not for real. It's virtual.

[A]

It would. It feels real.

[B]

It feels real. It feels like you probably get looped into it.

[A]

Let me shut her up.

[B]

She's still talking. Yeah.

[A]

Let me see. Let me see what she's doing now. Hang on. I'll have her doggy style.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Hey, just shut up, woman.

[B]

I just heard something. Yeah, all right.

[A]

She's. I'm. Put her to sleep.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Dude, I'm ready for a robot check.

[B]

Yeah, they're available, man. You can afford it.

[A]

You should do it, dude. You can. You can design them. They're $3,000. Should we make one? Should we make one and bring it?

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Would it be creepy if we made them and we made them look like people we know?

[B]

Yeah, that'd be super creepy.

[A]

And you're like, Sarah Tiana, come over to my house. I want you to meet my robot chick. She's like, wow. And go. Look, it's got a Southern accent and everything.

[B]

That's really cool.

[A]

That's really cool.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But wait, why is she pregnant? I was like, I don't know. I liked her better when she was pregnant.

[B]

A really good idea for you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That is.

[B]

Shout out to Sarah T. That is.

[A]

The coolest thing I've ever seen.

[B]

Thrilled.

[A]

Check out Sarah T's new special. Yeah, There you go.

[B]

There's a good way to spin it. So is that. Was that your first time watching?

[A]

My first time. I've held off all week. I've. I've seen porn. I've seen porn in it, but it's just like you're watching a porn. That interactive one is crazy.

[B]

That's pretty crazy.

[A]

I would like that for. I've always said this for a long time, but I'd like that for a podcast where you could put on the VR goggles and sit here and you feel like you're just sitting with us, talking to us.

[B]

That'd be fun.

[A]

That would be really fun.

[B]

That'd be very cool. Yeah, that'd be good, man. How you feeling?

[A]

I feel great. What did you think about Jimmy Kimmel's monologue when he came back? I haven't talked to you since.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, I think he. He. He did exactly what he set out to do. Know, he addressed things. He was emotional and he was. It was. There was jokes and there was points made. I mean, I think, like, monologue wise, it was probably a 10 out of 10 for what he was aiming to do. For sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I don't know. You know what? There's other ways you could have done it, but I think he did everything that he wanted to do. He addressed the. The obvious. Like I said, there was, like, some heartfelt stuff in it. There was jokes in it. It was kind of exactly what. What you were looking for. Yeah, it did massive, massive numbers that. That episode.

[A]

I kind of think maybe Donald Trump had money invested in abc. He's a smart guy. What if he was like, yo, move my money over to Disney. I'm gonna light up their numbers?

[B]

No, I don't think so.

[A]

I mean, could you do that, though? Is that manipulating the market?

[B]

Well, there's a lot of things that can manipulate a market, but in this case, I'm not sure what you mean. You think he was just like, I'm buying a bunch of Disney shares, and then I'm gonna try to figure out, fuel this fire.

[A]

So. Okay, just a thought. Spark. Half the country loves whatever Donald Trump says. Half the country? I'd say less than half, but there's a solid quarter of the country that absolutely hates everything he says. And then I say, there's a quarter that's kind of like, you Know, more centrist, they go back and forth. But we know half the country fucking loves it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So Donald Trump has that information, right? So if he says tomorrow, if he goes, fuck, fuck Nestle. Nestle's a bunch of fascists. They're a communist organization, Their politics is bullshit. And I say we boycott Nestle. He knows that his words will affect half the country, but he knows it'll spark like a solid number that's going to start supporting Nestle no matter what.

[B]

Right, Right.

[A]

So when you have that kind of power, you can in, in, in essence manipulate the market or at least have friends that can benefit off you. I mean, the same way he goes, we're going to war. Let's give contracts to these companies. You could be, it's like almost, you just gotta get close to Donald Trump and listen to what he's thinking or plant seeds in his head.

[B]

Yeah, all that. I think you're, you're, you have a point. Like you, he can, he can manipulate. I mean, it'd be interesting to think like, but the long term fallout of this Tylenol thing is that's kind of.

[A]

Like, okay, that's a perfect example is he says Tylenol causes autism. And, and you're like, and you're like, yo.

[B]

I mean, and by the way, immediately the World Health Organization, American Medical association, doc, everyone's like, there are no studies to support this whatsoever. He's like, I got a gut feeling. Just, it's crazy. The thing that's like, interesting is, you know, you do something like that and if you have influence, you're definitely open to like major legal action. Right? Because you can affect people like consumers, buying habits, you can affect share prices. You know, this is a still evolving story, but like, you know, like, there's legit. I mean, I feel like if it were anybody other than a sitting US President, you would have seen like aggressive tactics immediately from them. Instead they were like, what? What are you talking about? And so, but that doesn't mean that that's over. You know, that could evolve over time into like something serious legally, you know, because, because of the influence.

[A]

You know, I never with acetaminophen.

[B]

Oh, nice.

[A]

I never with it. I never.

[B]

I can tell. You look like a real I can put together guy.

[A]

Yeah. I don't with it. I don't with it.

[B]

When I, when I go like, hey, what is, what's Bert staying away from? I take it seriously. Yeah.

[A]

I asked my mom if she ever took acetaminophen and she said when they were pregnant, they weren't allowed to take anything. I believe that she goes, when we were pregnant, we weren't allowed to have coffee. We weren't allowed to have anything. It was clean water, no sodas, no nothing. And that was the old school thing. And then it's kind of laxed up. I think Europe is to blame, because Europe is like. Like, Europe's like, you can drink wine. And then as soon as you drink wine, you're like, well, if I can definitely have a sedaminophen, I mean, I.

[B]

Can have a couple smokes. What's the big. Yeah, sometimes I'll see. Not all the time, but every once in a while I'll see a pregnant woman smoking, and I always give her a nod and a wink, you know, because I'm like, do it, do it.

[A]

I saw. I saw. I wanted to write this as a joke, but I didn't because it just seems creepy. But I don't mind telling you it. So the last. I was. The last time I was in New York, I took the subway and I saw a girl holding a baby. And I was like that. I was like, wow, I've gotten old. She is way too young to have a baby. And then she started breastfeeding. I was like, nah, she's not too old. And I watched her breastfeed.

[B]

Oh, my God, I'm glad you only saved that for me. Nobody else will find out.

[A]

Sunglasses on. I was like, ah, I'm not. She's not. She's got to be at least 20, right? 25, 26.

[B]

How was that session? Was it cool?

[A]

It was. It was weird. It was weird because everyone watched her breastfeed. Like, when you breastfeed like that, everyone watches.

[B]

Yeah. Blew your tits out.

[A]

Yeah, but. But it's like, so normal. Did push breastfeed.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And did she breastfeed in public? She seems like she would have been a public breastfeeder.

[B]

I mean, if she. Yeah, but always with, like, the. There's like a cover you put on.

[A]

She put a cover on. She put a cover on.

[B]

But you still were locked in.

[A]

Yeah, I was still dialed in. Just.

[B]

Yeah. No part of your brain was like, oh, just let that person do that in private.

[A]

No, I scooted over, sat next to her and was like. I was like, hi, I'm Bert. She was like, I'm breastfeeding. And I was like, that's crazy. That's your name, and you're doing it.

[B]

Ah, so crazy. What's your titch? Like, can I get a peek?

[A]

Hey, I'm thirsty. You Got an extra one over there.

[B]

Yeah, that's cool. That's cool. Is that one of your searches? Do you like breastfeeding videos?

[A]

No. No. You know what I'm really into right now? No, you know what I'm really into now? Have you seen freeze porn?

[B]

Freeze porn?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't think so.

[A]

It's. I'll break it down for you girls. Having a problem with her remote control in her hotel room. And the maintenance guy comes up and she berates him, right? She's like, listen, you piece of shit. This remote hasn't worked the entire time I've been messing with it. And he goes, why have a new remote? She goes, let me see it. And he goes, well, here, I'll turn it on. And it hits it and it freezes her. And then she's like this. And then he just proceeds to undress.

[B]

Her and fuck her the whole time.

[A]

That's it. And then unfreezer. And she'll be like, wait, what are we all. And then he'll freeze her again. It's kind of. It's kind of interesting. And by the way, the interesting. The same guy does all the same two people do all of them. Like, that's. I think that's their niche.

[B]

That's a good lane to be in.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's kind of fun because it toys with. No consent.

[A]

It toys with it, but they always consent towards the end, right? Like, they unfreeze them and the girl's like, how did you know this is what I wanted? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know. You know, right? Free porn.

[B]

Freeze. Yeah, freeze.

[A]

You've never seen. Are you not watching porn anymore? Because you're all the way in Texas when you're watching porn or you have.

[B]

To, like, register to watch it.

[A]

That's usually set up. You should get an ID and get someone else's id. Get Zolo's ID and get an account.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, he's already registered, so that's fine.

[A]

Would you be.

[B]

Yeah. No, I haven't watched.

[A]

Be comfortable if America knew your porn searches.

[B]

Kind of. They're not that crazy, so. Yeah. I mean, do I want it out there? No, but I guess it wouldn't, like, ruin me.

[A]

Wouldn't ruin me, but I think I. I think I would want it. It wouldn't ruin me, but I don't. Half the time I look at porn. Yeah, I'm looking for a joke. I'm looking for a joke about porn.

[B]

Oh, right, right.

[A]

Like, I'm not. I'm not looking for the real thing. And then if I See, something that.

[B]

I don't recognize happens to get hard, and you're like, I guess I should.

[A]

Tug on it if I see something I don't recognize. Where? I'm like, wait, what's that?

[B]

What's that? Yeah, that's fun.

[A]

That's. I was like, yeah. Like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Freeze.

[B]

I'm gonna look up. Freeze.

[A]

Yeah, I bet we could find one for you. This porn is the best porn I've ever seen in my life.

[B]

Oh, that.

[A]

Yeah, that's the best porn I've ever seen in my life.

[B]

Dude. I have not put mine on in over a year.

[A]

Really? Have you jerked off to it?

[B]

When I first got it, yeah.

[A]

Oh, I'm definitely doing that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Shutting the lights out.

[B]

Yeah. And then you, like, you forget that you're wearing it. You, like, walk into a desk as you're coming.

[A]

Ow.

[B]

Yeah, I hurt myself a few times with that thing on.

[A]

Are you serious?

[B]

Not with the porn, really, but with, like, some of their games. Because you're like. You know, you're, like, moving, and then all of a sudden you walk into a wall and you're like, oh, fuck. Yeah, it hurts so bad.

[A]

I went. I was in a hot air balloon in that and that. And I got a panic attack.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Like, I was like, you take off in a hot air balloon. You're like, shut up. And I get. My heart. I started racing and I got fluttered in here. Hey, can I ask you a crazy question? So I'm at Cotti's house last night, guys.

[B]

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[A]

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[B]

How old is your niece?

[A]

I don't know, four or five. It's her birthday today. Five.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, things like that, I feel like, are for a certain. So they were watching, you know, not that exact thing, but shit of that nature in that age range. And then I think you start to notice that, like, every. Not even a year, like every few months, six months maybe, you see these escalations in what bores them and what entertains them. So things that were, like, seemingly mundane, which are. Become mundane to them. They're like, I don't want to see that shit. That's for little kids. And then they kind of evolve, you know? But they were doing. They were watching those kinds of, like, count this. And like, yay. The voice is like, you're a cutie pie. And they're like. They just stare at it, but they're like, two, three, right? And then every year it kind of progresses more. And then, yeah, now they're like, want to see me play this game? I'm going to rob this guy, and then I'm going to hit him in the head with a hammer. And you're like, okay. So you're like, fuck. So there's like. It's just, you know, a thing that evolves as they age.

[A]

Is it the quickening, though? Is this good for kids? How often do your kids just. How often do your kids walk out the front door and then come back, like, 10 hours later?

[B]

Well, that's a good question. I mean, we encourage it a lot. Sometimes when they're like, you know, I'm bored. Can I watch something? And we're like, no, what can I do? Like, go outside. And then they resist it. And then they're outside and you're like, where are they? Right? And then it's. You have to drag them in, which is kind of normal, I think. You know, like, you're just encouraging them to be out there, play outside, do something out there. They'll be reluctant, and then they're loving it. So it kind of goes, I think, both ways.

[A]

These phones are addictive.

[B]

Yeah, for sure. We don't let them do iPads during the weekends. Yeah, yeah. So when they come home from school, first of all, we're like, you know, they got home from school, they chill for a little bit, you know, play, and then it's like, all right, like, we're going to get ready. Like, if they have an activity like jiu Jitsu or something, we do that. And then it's like dinner, and then after dinner, it's like, clean up and let's do homework. So we do. We do homework, like, right after dinner. So it's like.

[A]

Do you sit down and do homework with them?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Wow. A lot of times it's like, they have to. They both have reading every day. So we all. Like, one of us will read if I'm home, right? I mean, obviously, I'm on the road a lot, but I'll read with one, she'll read with the other. And then we just go over, like, any other homework you have, like math or language stuff, and we just sit there and kind of just supervise it. You know, it's funny because they're, you know, they're still at the age where the homework is. I mean, it. It takes 10 minutes max. It's not. It's not daunting homework. And they are. They both are good at it. So they're both like, this is the easiest. And you're like, great, do it. Finish it. And then they just do it. And you're like, okay, you're done now. But getting them to do it is the thing, man. They're always like, I don't want to. Let's do it later. I'm like, what do you mean, later? It's 7:30. Like, let's just do it. And then you're done, dude.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it's such a thing to get them to start, and then they do it in, like, 10 minutes. And you're like, yeah, you're done, dude.

[A]

Do they. Are they like. Are they like Texas kids or do they still have a little bit of LA to them?

[B]

No, they're pretty Texan, bro.

[A]

For real?

[B]

Yeah. I mean, yeah, they're real boys. Boys. And then, you know, they're pretty active. Like, you know, they're doing sports, one's playing drums. You know, like, they're. They're into, like, certain types of activities, and they're always like, when can we go to the gun range? So, yeah. They feel like Texans. Yeah. Yeah. Are we shooting two, two threes today? What do we got? I'm like, all right. So. Yeah.

[A]

Holy. That's crazy. They would have been soft liberals if they had been Raised out here, and now they're just redneck Republicans who know.

[B]

Who knows if they're going to end up being like, how y' all doing? I mean, it could happen. I don't.

[A]

That's crazy that you get that. As a kid, I never thought I'd get, like, woke liberals for kids.

[B]

Yeah. You have two woke.

[A]

Two liberal daughters. Woke liberal daughters.

[B]

Yeah. There's still innocence in my kids. Both kids, though, so I don't. You just don't know what's going to. You know, I mean, like, they're still pretty naive and innocent to, like, the world.

[A]

Yeah. I don't know. When the girls. I think over the pandemic is when the girls got woke.

[B]

That makes sense. It's like a time that would, like, pivot somebody.

[A]

I think the. The thing that happened is during that time, they had friends transition and. And I think. And then I wasn't very obviously. I was just who I am. And I was like, I was never. I was misgendering everybody. And that's when they'd, like, get defensive, be like, dad, dad, you have to do it. Right. Just try. And I'd be like, oh. I was like, just tell me what. What it was when it started.

[B]

Yeah, what it was when it started.

[A]

And then. And then tell me what it is right now and I'll do. Tell you what it is. I'm not gonna jump through hoops for a kid I've known five minutes who's.

[B]

Like, so are they checking you all the time on, like, the things you say, the way you speak, like, things like that?

[A]

Not, Not. Not Georgia. More. Not island Georgia. I think once they went to college and they got. They've got pretty grounded. Although Georgia's a little. Yeah. I don't know. I said. I made a joke. I saw for. I was. I think I told you this already, but I saw. We were at Eilish College, and I noticed that the trans. By the way, I'm talking wildly irresponsible. I'm just telling you what I saw, but I noticed that a lot of the trans people at her college all had canes. They'll have canes. Yeah. Like canes. And so not the chicken tenders, but the actual. Like, I'm a source.

[B]

They were disabled also.

[A]

A lot of. I mean, from what I saw. This is just my.

[B]

You saw a. A cluster 4 of disabled trans people.

[A]

Four disabled trans people.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And I called them a trans slam to Isla. And because it was four of them, and she did not laugh, and she was like, dad, Stop. And then I was like, it's a good joke.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

She was like, so. Yeah. But, you know. You know, she doesn't, like. She didn't find it funny. Georgia would have left George. I think Georgia. You know what happened with Georgia. And maybe not so much Isla, but when Georgia went on the road for Fully Loaded, she was around David Tell, Big J Okerson, and Shane Gillis. And I think they kind of broke the woke out of her. Like, they made. They got her to laugh stuff.

[B]

Playful.

[A]

They made it. Well, she. The first joke, Shane had a joke about. About going back to a plantation and the black guy talking to him. Weird. And he was like, go back to your quarters or whatever, you know? And Georgia went like this. Like, whoa. And I went, what? She goes, you're not. You can't say that. And I went, he just did. She goes, yeah, but you're not supposed to laugh at it. And I was like, you have a stadium full of people. Just did. She goes, well, can I laugh at it? And I go, did you find it funny? She was like, yeah, but if someone sees you laugh at it, you get in trouble. And I was like, no, that's not how it works. And then a tell went up right after, and he was like, I. Like, I'm not. I mean, I feel bad doing an Attell joke because. Cause I don't want. You know, I don't want to burn any of his material. But it was something about pubic hair, and it was. It was just awesome. And Georgia laughed out loud. And then she goes, I think David Tell's my favorite comedian. And I was like, he's everyone's favorite comedian. She was like, dad, I like the aggressive stuff. Like, I like it. And I was like, yeah. And then Isla just fell in love with Big J. Isla just. And, you know, I think Isla is probably less woke because of Fully Loaded. She did two years of Fully Loaded also. But. But Georgia and Daisy came out that first year, and they were. They. And those guys just. They broke it out of her. They turned her into a regular person.

[B]

Well, that's good. It's good that they're. Honestly, the best thing is to be exposed to all of it. Yeah. And then figure out who you are.

[A]

Like Georgia. Georgia was never going to misgender or mispronounce someone.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Neither will Isla. I will. I will. I just probably will. I don't. I just, like, I say bro to everyone, or dude or hey, guy or.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

And that always sucks when you do that. Like, getting coffee. You're like, thanks, big guy. And they're like, I'm a girl. And you're like, all right, okay. Yeah, sure thing, bro.

[B]

Thanks, big guy to a girl. Definitely hurts.

[A]

I said big guy to a girl. Said big guy to a girl. And I did not know it was a girl at all. And I was like.

[B]

Because there's certain ones that like, actually you go, people say, what's up, guys? And like, hey, dude, what's up, bro? You say that to, you can say that to a girl and like, if she's, you know, not super defensive, like, it works. It's like, what's up? But if you're like, what's up, big guy? It's different.

[A]

It was, I mean, it was. Unless, I mean, like, I just, I'm just saying what I saw was a big fella. It was a big guy, I guess. And I was, I was like, okay, you dye your hair a little bit. It's a little weird haircut.

[B]

What's up, dog?

[A]

And you got some, you got some, some earrings.

[B]

That's the big man right here.

[A]

Yeah. What's up, big guy? He's like. And she was like, I'm not a guy. And I was like, okay. And then I was like, sure. And then I was like, you big. I go, if you're not, if you're not, okay, if you're, if you're. Nevermind, I'm out of this.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

This is getting worse.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, that's how it usually works.

[A]

Getting worse. What does the future hold for business? Ask nine experts and you'll get 10 answers. Bull market, Bear market. Can someone please invent a crystal ball? Until then, over 43,000 businesses have future proofed their business with NetSuite by Oracle, the number one AI Cloud ERP. Bringing accounting, financial management, inventory and HR into one fluid platform with one unified business management suite. There's one source of truth giving you the visibility and control you need to make decisions quick. With real time insights and forecasting, you're peering into the future with actionable data. Whether your company is earning millions or even hundreds of millions, NetSuite helps you respond to immediate challenges and seize your biggest opportunities. I'm telling you right now, we run a business. Not a big one, but a small, modest business. And NetSuite has helped helped us simplify our management, Simplify everything we need down to literally one conversation at the end of the week, which is so nice. Download the CFO's guide to AI and machine learning for free at netsuite.com bears that's netsuite.com bears netsuite.com bears and worst. Did you ever think we get to this, Tom? Hey, do we have a only fans star yet?

[B]

I don't know. I have no idea. I know that we had submissions. What's. Where are we with that, by the way?

[A]

I have a business pitch for you. Oh, I have a business pitch for our fans, but a business pitch for you that I want to. I want to field and I would love to. Group workshop.

[B]

Group workshop. Yeah. Oh, all right.

[A]

Yes. I'm already in.

[B]

Hey, my name is Kens. I'm 27 year old newlywed from the Midwest. I have an existing only fans that didn't make it due to lack of following. Wanting to keep my identity hidden at the time. I would love the opportunity to work with you guys. I'd be open to revamping my current of or starting fresh. I do have some experience with modeling in my early 20s. I love your idea of doing something different rather than just filling all my holes laughing my ass off. Although everything has a price, right boys? Let me show you guys. Let the show you guys. Love the show. You guys keep my husband and I laugh. Okay, great. All right, let's see these here. Yep. Nice.

[A]

Very nice.

[B]

Oh, that's really, really nice. Yep. Very. She's very pretty.

[A]

She's very pretty. Yeah, she's very. She's. She, she's got. Let's just break this down. She's got fantasy quality, right? She looks like nubile, right? Is that the right word?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Like, she doesn't look like she's. We found her at a gas station.

[B]

No, no.

[A]

Yeah, she looks like she reads. She probably likes Lord of the Rings. Like I think a lot of our fans are going to be like, oh, yeah, I could get into a chick like this.

[B]

Yeah, she's. She seems really, really pretty. Seems cool. It's a great option.

[A]

I bet she could put on a bunch of different looks.

[B]

Yeah, for sure. Maybe she does cosplay.

[A]

I guarantee you she probably does cosplay.

[B]

Yeah. All right. This is a really good one to consider. I mean, you're the ultimate. This was your idea. So you're gonna have to be like, it's this person.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But yeah, that's a really good one. Let's see who else?

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Oh, holy.

[A]

Ah. Yeah, baby. Yeah.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Way to bring it. Way to fucking bring it.

[B]

Some of them just get it, dude.

[A]

Some of them just fucking get it. Yes.

[B]

So if you're listening right now or watching, because we're probably not showing you this. This is a woman who is posing. You're seeing her from behind. One leg is up and then she has a bottle, a full bottle of Porosos in her. No, no.

[A]

I mean, there's so much to this picture to break down. I love the light herring on her under thigh. That's so sexy.

[B]

The little peach fuzz there.

[A]

I love her nails. I love the tattoos on her fingers. Her. Her heels have been. Have been. Have been worn down by a pedicurist. She's. I would love to see what she looks like.

[B]

Okay. What, Is there any more written here or more. Oh, shit. Okay.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[A]

Ooh.

[B]

Oh, she's got a whole thing going on, though.

[A]

Real Delilah. We'll give her a plug Anyway. Real Delilah.com.

[B]

Delilah.Com. Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Oh, she's all tatted like you like. Yeah, I'm Delilah. I'm a small town Wisconsin MILF who's been spreading my wet flap on the Internet for five years now. I'm most known for taking large in all capital letters, fantasy dildos, and of course, my Porosos video. Oh, there's a video? Hey, guys, she made a video.

[A]

Is there a video?

[B]

Maybe she posted one somewhere. Yeah, that would be. Yeah, a thing. I guess so. But I think this. This woman actually, I mean, she has a website like this. She's the real deal.

[A]

She is the real deal. I'd love to see this video, but she is the real deal.

[B]

I'm sure the video maybe on. On Twitter X. That's where people post wild shit, right?

[A]

Really? I haven't been on X in forever. I was on what's.

[B]

Yeah, see, so she has. This is like another level of professionalism. This is like, what? Oh, fansly poor Osos Bottle and pee. It's one of her go to videos.

[A]

Oh, let's click that.

[B]

This is where I get the freakiest. From piss content to random insertion and more, I promise. Full nude pics, naked tiktoks, naked Legos, full length videos, Thirsty Thursday pee content, random insertion, solo content with dildos of all sizes. Boy girl content. She's really doing it all, man. This woman is really. Oh, there's Twitter. I wonder if she has a. See it right there, Right where it says. Yeah, yeah. Yes. View profile yes.

[A]

Yes, yes, yes.

[B]

Oh, she hasn't posted. All right, well, she's keeping it. She's got 226,000 followers, bro.

[A]

Oh, she's. She's legit.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, this is a pro, dude.

[A]

I mean, we'd be. We'd Be bringing a pro onto the team when I think it's better, easier to break. Like a new talent.

[B]

Right. Someone you can manipulate more.

[A]

Not manipulate, but you know, just help grow. Just help grow.

[B]

Yeah. Help grow. Help grow. Yeah. Okay.

[A]

I mean, this is someone that we would be like, she does guy and girl content. You'd be like, yo, we're gonna do a fan contest and the fan gets to have sex with her on. Only there's a guy that I follow and he's like, what, bro? My dog. My boss said I got to stop fucking chicks online, bro. I'm having fun. I'm having a good. You know, I'm talking about. What's this? What's this?

[B]

Okay, here you're on the hunt for first of model. Here's my angle. I'm currently medium attractive. I want to be hotter. I can come in as your of model in progress.

[A]

I love this.

[B]

Procedures that I want. Simple, like teeth, light cosmetic work. Maybe a trainer. Nothing crazy. The audience gets to be involved, follow along as I get hotter. So the glow up can be secondary content in a relatable and funny way. I'm experiencing the kink scene. Plethora of stories to share. I'm passionate about my craft, somewhat self aware, self deprecating, shameless, committed, etc. It could be more dimensional than just a simple Olaf. I'd be open to candidly sharing procedures. I want sharing stories from my past, et cetera, et cetera. It would be my dream to work with two of my favorites. I think I'd come in more like. I'd come in more like the Tom of. Of where I enjoy the crafts and experience as opposed to being driven by fame and attention like Bert.

[A]

Okay, Pass blur.

[B]

Perfect. I don't know. Here's her screen grabs. They're pretty good. She's cute, man. She's attractive. Are you seeing?

[A]

No, I'm stuck on that last sentence.

[B]

Oh, she really.

[A]

She really thinks that I'm just stuck on fame and attention.

[B]

Well, I mean, she's not, you know, she's not crazy. Yeah. Okay. All right. Well, that was. I mean, it was playful. I don't think she meant it like super serious. Just a little bit. Okay. All right. Is there another one we need to see?

[A]

Let's see the next one. Turn on notification now.

[B]

Okay. Oh, these are like dms.

[A]

Oh, nice.

[B]

Oh, a guy.

[A]

A guy.

[B]

Oh, hey, I'm entering. Oh, my wife. I think she'd be awesome fit. She is so excited about the possibility. Okay, so this is like the. The pimp husband okay. Very beautiful. Sure. Yeah. Eating pizza. Yeah, I think. Did we see this person before?

[A]

I don't know. She eaten a lot of pizza.

[B]

Yeah, well, it's not sticking to her. I mean, she's really put together, man. Like, that's the kind of prototype body, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No. You're not into it.

[A]

I don't. I mean, I just feel weird about, like I want to deal with her directly. I don't want to have to go talk to him.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Because it's like if we come up with a weird idea, husband's like, what did you say? And you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Yeah, I got you.

[A]

I just would rather talk to, like, one entity.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Oh, here we go. Oh, let me see him.

[B]

Set up. Set up my page. Set up my of. Oh, of page. Please, Bert, he just targeted you. What?

[A]

I think we gotta readdress our fans relationships with us.

[B]

Please pimp me, Bert. It's just for you, bro. Oh, no, this is me. Can you pimp me, please, Tom? Okay, Tom, why don't you answer me? Please pimp me. I'm sending my cock again. Please.

[A]

God, he's got a great cock.

[B]

It's pretty crazy.

[A]

All right, so when it's that big, you can't even get fully hard.

[B]

It's just angled down. It's got a kind of interesting angle. So that's. We haven't heard from a guy yet.

[A]

I know that guy's got a hog. Yeah, we can definitely use him.

[B]

Well, yeah, you need both, right? Yeah. All right, I think we're good here. That was great.

[A]

Okay, so are those all our submissions?

[B]

I think those are. I mean, look, this is going to keep coming in forever if you.

[A]

So I say we wrap it. I say we put very succinct, like a one best photo up. We do a carousel on two bears. Ymh.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

We'll both share it and we'll let our fans vote on who our only fans model is going to be.

[B]

Okay. So you have to make it to the carousel to be considered though.

[A]

Yeah, you gotta make it to the carousel.

[B]

Yeah. Okay.

[A]

And so we've got our carousel, right?

[B]

Yeah, I think so. We're gonna have to like, offline it and just.

[A]

Yeah, we'll offline it, get our carousel, and then we'll post it and then you guys pick which we want and then. And then we'll. We'll find a fun introductory video that she can post on onlyfans that everyone's gonna go, wow, I want to go see her only fans I think it should be. I think it should be like a Cribs type style video of her body. Oh.

[B]

Like, oh, okay. She's like, hey.

[A]

Like, she'll open the door and go, hey, everybody, this is my cribs. And she's like, come on in. These are my tits. And then she talks about her tits a little bit. They're a little smaller, bigger. People, really. Guys have always paid attention to my nipples. You know, maybe. And maybe it's clothes on so that everyone's kind of like. Maybe like. Like, you know what? It's like, like, like yoga pants. Like a revealing outfit.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

And it's just like. And she walks us through her body and her favorite aspects. Guys always love my feet. These are my feet. I want to show you that. And so it's like a Cribs tour of herself.

[B]

You know, you kind of were born to do this. I feel like that's a good idea for this.

[A]

Do you want to hear my best idea ever?

[B]

I'd love to.

[A]

I came up with it with Brian Urlocker and Chase Rice yesterday.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And they're on board. They like it and I think you'd be on board. We got to find the right city to do it in. So I asked Brian Erlocker, ex Bears linebacker.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Hall of Famer, crazy. I said, what do you miss most about professional sports? And Chase played. Played football over at UNC as well. I said, what do you guys miss most about professional sports? And their answer, and I'm curious, like, what do you miss most about sports?

[B]

You're asking me now?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You played college football.

[B]

I did not. But the thing that I.

[A]

I think.

[B]

The most, honestly, the fun thing that you miss the most, I think it's the same as amateur sports people and professionals, because I've hung out with ex professionals. And you kind of see this is that even there, though they're the higher level. The thing that's the same is camaraderie. Like hanging out with the guys, the locker room. And like. Yeah, like, that's the most fun whether you're 17 or 30. It's. It's the hanging out, busting balls, bonding over. Bonding over things that suck. 2 a days, shitty practices, watching film, getting made fun of by your coach in the film. Like, that happens at every level. And even when you don't make it to the pros, like, you still have. Like, I still have friends from high school and we still will talk about. Remember that fucking thing. And then the pros just talk about it. You know, for longer. They work up to the highest level. That's what I think.

[A]

That's my business pitch, which is a locker room. We create a locker room. You create a locker room in a city, you create a locker room. It's got a gym. You got an equipment guy that meets you right when you walk in the door, and he's out of shape. He's shorter than everyone. Maybe he's got a lisp. He's like, what's up, Tommy? How you doing? You're like, hey, Zach. And he's like, hey, got your locker ready for you. Doc's got you on Zofran. Like, you know, like, so you got a doc, you got the whole locker room. You recreate the whole thing. You got a strength coach, you got conditioning coaches, you got a real coach who's like a therapist, but you have.

[B]

A missing ingredient that you. That's tough to manufacture. Black dudes, they are tough to get. But also, whether you're amateur or pro, you have a unified goal, right? So if you go, this is the locker room. You have all this. People just show up. It could be like 24 Hour Fitness. You're just like, yeah, I'm here to work out. You need a unified goal. Yeah, that's going to What. What's going to help drive the bond?

[A]

Okay, I love this. I love this. See, this is what I. You know, this is what I love, is when you take an idea to someone and they help you figure out how to make it better. Right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Where they don't just go, well, it's stupid. Why wouldn't I just go to a gym? And you're like, no, that's not about the gym.

[B]

Right.

[A]

It's about the hang, and it's about Saturday morning showing up. Like, you go to the. You go to. We call it. We don't even call it the locker room. Maybe we call it the facility. Right? You show up at the facility, and you. You're. You have laundry done there. You. Everyone wears the same shit to work out. You have a gym, you have a strength coach, you have conditioning, everyone shows up. Maybe. Locker room hours are like 6 to 10 every morning during the weekdays and on Saturdays, everyone shows up at the same time. And you have, like. You have a goal. Maybe your goals are on Sundays, maybe. But I love that camaraderie. No one's got a name. Everyone's got a number. You walk in, they're like, what's up, 44? And you're like, how you doing? So it's almost like and then it's almost like Fight Club. You go out into the city and you're out to dinner with your family. One guy in the locker room walks by, and you're like, 22. He's like, what's up, 44? And your wife's like, what the was that? And you're like, don't worry about it.

[B]

Don't worry about it. But no, it's fun. Yeah, it's a fun thing.

[A]

It. It would be a fun way to. A fun approach to. It's. It's for guys that loved busting balls, loved the energy of high school locker rooms, that don't technically want to go to a Equinox or a Crunch or. And don't want to get. Don't want to get a trainer. No, no, go ahead.

[B]

Here's the other thing.

[A]

Shoot.

[B]

How do you. You gotta. So the thing about the sports thing is that everyone wants to be there because they want to play that sport, right? So you kind of deal with who. Who shows up. But if someone's just showing up, like, how do you filter out.

[A]

I like this.

[B]

People you don't want there.

[A]

You're right. What you're saying is right, because you do have to have a goal that filters people out. You have to have a physical goal. Because the one thing I noticed when I did the bench press against the Boston with the boys is that having a goal in mind, meaning I knew that if I did every exercise the perfect way, no matter if I failed at it or succeeded at it, if I did it perfectly and failure was even better, because if I could only get two, 75, three times, I still went for all six, because I knew that those extra three were the thing that were going to get me there. And I never phoned it in, and I said, if I just do the hardest work, then I'll achieve that goal. And when I watch those guys do bench press, like Jason Kelsey and. And. And Taylor and Will. What's so funny, Tom, is their bench press was close gripped, because that's where they. That's where they push from. And I was like. I was like, oh, they're. They never worked out to look good. They worked out to be able to throw bigger men off them. So if you have that goal in mind as a team, I think it creates it. That is in. You're right. That creates the camaraderie, that creates the hard work, that creates the busting balls of, like, bust your ass a little harder. And high tide raids, raises all the boats. But what is that thing? And Then, and then maybe, maybe this is a franchise where locker rooms play other locker rooms. Maybe we're creating mini sports teams.

[B]

Yeah, you got to create, you got to have, create some ultimate competition because you go to the locker room to get ready for the thing. Yeah, you got to have something, you know, it's got to be. And if you're getting like middle aged dudes, you don't want it to be violent or like super explosive.

[A]

It could be like those, those, those, those, those kids in Miami. I envy those football teams in Miami. Those all young black kids where they go around, they're like, they're like, what watch you wearing? And they're all wearing Apple watches. Have you seen that?

[B]

No.

[A]

They're all wearing Apple watches. They're like, is it charged? They're like, nah, they just have mine. They all have on Apple watches. It's all about the fit. They do fit checks and then the, the. My favorite one ever. Oh, they're not even high school. They're like 8 years old.

[B]

Oh, they're little kids.

[A]

They're little kids. They're little kids and they're like the best one is, Is that that kid.

[B]

That like dresses people down? Like, look at this old. Like that kid.

[A]

I tried to get him to two bears, 5k.

[B]

Yeah, that kid was hilarious.

[A]

He's like, I, I got obsessed with it, with it because he was like, he's like, oh, who's your celebrity crush? And everyone says lotto, Lotto. And they're like, why you like lotto? And they're like, slim thick. And he's like, what'd you know about that? Slim Thick? He's like seven years old. Eight years old.

[B]

Seven. Yeah. He's like saying, what you know about.

[A]

What you know about that? Slim Thick. Look at this old ass looking boy.

[B]

He's so young. He should he ever respond?

[A]

No, they never responded. But I think it's someone who probably. It's like a parent who's like, yo, I don't. Yeah, I'm not gonna hire my kid out. You know, maybe he should because the kid's talented. If our next 5k, I'd hire him to work the field.

[B]

That little kid the best is do another 5k.

[A]

We should do another 5k.

[B]

That was too fun.

[A]

That was such a great. I was such. And do you see how much weight Jelly's losing?

[B]

Dude, he's so. Last time when we saw him at that last 5k, I was like, God damn, good on you. Like he'd lost a hundred and like twenty pounds or something. And you're like, God damn, he's still a big guy. Yeah, big dude. Now he has, like, just, like a medium build. Like, he's lost. He's had to have lost another hundred pounds. It's crazy.

[A]

He is doing. You know, I was listening to Gary Breca on someone's podcast, and he was talking about. He flew out to Jelly, texted him and said, do you work with fat people? I mean, let's never get it twisted. Jelly. Jelly is. I gotta be honest with you, it's chicken and the egg kind of scenario. We came up with this stupid 5k idea, but I don't think it was going anywhere. I think we were like, yeah, we'll do it. Let's do it. Maybe we're toying with it. And once Jelly said he was going to do it, that started the groundswell of people wanting to do it and people wanting to follow Jelly's journey. But Jelly's the inspiration. Jelly decided to do all the hard work to get to lose the weight, to do the 5K. And he called Gary Brecker and was like, do you work with fat people? Gary Brecker flew out. They got in a private jet together, and they were. And Gary Brecke shared all this that Jelly never shared with any of us, which is. Is Jelly was saying, you know, he had to sleep on his side because if he slept on his back, he had a chance of choking and aspirating and. And that he'd wake up every morning and thank God he was. He was. He lived through the night and that. And they got all his blood work back, and he was just, like, devastated. Like, shit, I'm in bad shape. And then. And then to look at where he.

[B]

Is today, it's incredible.

[A]

It's so incredible.

[B]

Yeah. I saw a picture of him posing, I think, in Italy and, like, wearing, like, designer clothes, and you're like, oh, shit. Like, yeah, this. What the fuck, dude? He's unrecognizable from where. When he was two years ago. That's crazy. He looks fantastic.

[A]

If you type on Jelly on Bertcast, he was. He was. He had. He had been partying that night before. Like, I think he was doing coke the night before, and he came in hot and he was. And he was large and. But, man, he looks great.

[B]

Yeah. Now, absolutely. Yeah. That's crazy.

[A]

Just. Just go, oh, yeah.

[B]

No, look at that. Dramatic, dude. That is dramatic.

[A]

It's dramatic.

[B]

That's from 22. Holy. So, yeah, he's at his full. Close to his full max there.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, he's wild. He's wild.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, look. That's awesome, dude. I'm happy for him. But, yes, we will definitely do another one.

[A]

We should do another 5k. We'll reach out to Jelly and see if we can all be in the same town at the same time for the same thing.

[B]

That'd be red. That'd be rad. Let me take a. I got a piss. So.

[A]

How do I turn this back on? This is crazy. It's a real person. Oh, we're back.

[B]

Back. Yep.

[A]

Hang on.

[B]

You good?

[A]

Yep.

[B]

All I did was pee.

[A]

That's crazy.

[B]

Yeah. What happened to the Russian?

[A]

She's still here, dude. You can see her fillings, like, it's crazy. You can see her fillings like, it's. It's a real person.

[B]

She seems nice.

[A]

She seems nice. She's a little skinny for my taste. She's small. And I wouldn't mind if the guy looked a little bit like me. It would be cool if I could Avatar the guy up, you know?

[B]

Oh, right.

[A]

And dress him and be like, put a Fitbit on him, you know?

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Put a little more hair on his. On his arms. I don't mind seeing the abs, but, like, his dick is, like, glistening. It's. It's a pretty sweet. I would like a little smaller.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, just so it's a little more believable. Yeah, but it's crazy. She's like a real person. And you can totally see, like, they're called VR Bangers. Is the. Is the company Make America Hard Again?

[B]

You're acting like I haven't owned one of these for a year and a half.

[A]

Can you imagine if your kids got a hold of one of those? No.

[B]

No.

[A]

Can you imagine if your kid was like, hey, dad, can I. Can I want to unplay a video game? And he's like, wait, what the holy.

[B]

No. That would definitely overwhelm a small mind.

[A]

Yeah, it would overwhelm. It's almost like. I. I'm going to say this. It's almost like getting.

[B]

Well, I was thinking is more like trying drugs too young, but. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, it's like, shouldn't happen to you at that age. If you could. If you could. What's the perfect age to give that to a kid?

[B]

To a kid?

[A]

Yeah, I mean, like. Like, meaning for if it was me or you, like, at what age would you have liked to have received that and been like. And be like, I'm going to spend some time alone?

[B]

I mean, I think it's definitely Better to put that off as long as you can.

[A]

I think that would have been the best. Seventh grade.

[B]

No, that's too crazy.

[A]

If I got in seventh grade, seventh grade is when I, like, really got me jerking off now.

[B]

But it would wreck you, dude. It would wreck. It would wreck what you would have done, like trying to meet and get with girls. It would wreck it. And it did for lots of people in different ways. And I'm sure it's still happening, but seventh grade is too young, bro. It's too young. You don't want it that early. Hey, you want it if you're gonna do that, you want it after you've had some real life. I think it's bad to have it before real life experience. It's not going to help you.

[A]

No. I think it would hinder you. It's like. It's almost like someone teaching you to ride a motorcycle, but all you know how to do is pop a wheelies, and you're like, you got to learn how to do a figure eight and not drop it.

[B]

Did you get a bike? No. Weren't you going to?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What happened?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

You were close.

[A]

Yeah. I don't want to talk about it. The same way you don't want to talk about Saudi Arabia.

[B]

So it got shut down pretty hard, huh?

[A]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You have no idea. Yeah, it's like. It was like. It's like, right now, our big deal is a puppy. Because, you know, we. We put down Mac, and Izzy's just. Izzy's so sad. And you can just see it. The dog just. Our other dog just is like, yo, I had life. And now I just sit in this house by myself, and I'm trying to convince Lane to get a puppy. I want to get another bullmastiff puppy just to bring life back into the house. Mac was so full of a life, and Leanne will do it. And it's one of those things where it's like, you know, I bust balls and bus balls and bust balls. And then she's like, hey, we ain't talking about this no more. And then you're like, oh, okay, this isn't even a joke anymore. And so then you're like, I guess you. Okay.

[B]

She doesn't want to do it because she doesn't want to deal with another.

[A]

She doesn't want to. She doesn't have to potty train a dog.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

Yeah, that's it.

[B]

I mean, makes sense.

[A]

Yeah. But it's just. It's like, I don't think anyone should just have one dog. Or let me rephrase that. If you're going to have one dog, just always have one dog. Never get two, right?

[B]

If you get two, you never want to go back to one.

[A]

If you get two, you're going to be like, yo. It's almost like you spend less time with your dogs when you have two because they play with each other, and you're not going to break them up playing with each other. But the one thing that sucks is, like, with Mac, I always cuddled with Mac, Leanne always cuddled with Izzy, and George always cuddled with Mac. I always cuddled with Izzy. And now it's just. It's like Leanne and Izzy, and I'm just sitting there going, where's my dog? Yeah. And she's like, we'll go get the cat. And I was like, ugh, Just go get.

[B]

Why don't you? What would happen if you just show up with another dog?

[A]

I'm in Arizona soon. That's where we got. That's where we got Mac, and that's where we got Mac and Izzy and. No, not Priscilla. Priscilla we got. From a meth house. A gay meth house.

[B]

What if you just went to the. What?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What if you went to the breeder and you just took photos with the dog and be like, how about this guy? And send him. And she's like, all right.

[A]

You know, I think our breeder reached out to Leanne. She's like, I heard about Mac. And Leanne's like, don't reach out to me. Don't talk to me. I think Leanne shut it down.

[B]

Right. So then you go and you initiate.

[A]

Yeah. You know, is it Connie Corso or Cane Corso?

[B]

Know who you're talking about?

[A]

The dog. Because I've been looking. All I do is look at dogs. All I do is I have. Dogs are in my algorithm. I'm looking at puppies.

[B]

And Corso.

[A]

It's Connie Corso is how I've always been told how it's said, but everyone online is calling it a cane corso, and I'm wondering if they're mispronouncing their own dog breed.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, it sure feels like Kane, but I don't know.

[A]

Will you hit pronunciation? See if it says because you're Italian, Tom, or you're. You're Italian adjacent.

[B]

Right.

[A]

How do you say it?

[B]

That looks like Cain by the phonetic thing. Cane corso, Cain corso.

[A]

I'm not pronouncing it that way. No, no, no. Go Down. The correct pronunciation is Kane Corso.

[B]

Oh. People who don't know better because of it say Kane. Oh, that. But that also is just a Reddit thread, I believe.

[A]

Reddit. Reddit's never wrong.

[B]

So Kane or Kane. I've never. Yeah, never. Never seen that before, bro.

[A]

Connie Corso.

[B]

What's the drop down say? Oh, this is a different version. Maybe this will be on your Speechmodification.com presents how to pronounce Kane means dog in Italian. It's just the first syllable, so it's Kane Corso.

[A]

Connie Corsos are badass dogs. So is doggo.

[B]

Rarely feel like I get to say, wow, I really learned something from you today, Bert. But it is Kane Corso. That's pretty good.

[A]

Mane Corso.

[B]

So is it an Italian breed?

[A]

Is that why it's an Italian mastiff? It's, it's, it's basically an Italian breed of mastiff. And they're beautiful. Look at that dog.

[B]

Look at that dog.

[A]

They're gorgeous.

[B]

Yeah, they are.

[A]

Only the prettiest dog that's around is a Doggo Argentino. And that dog.

[B]

What's that?

[A]

Pull in Doggo Argentino. Doggo Doggo Argentino right there. All right, this dog. Look at that white. Look at that. The second one over. Look at the chest on that dog.

[B]

Yeah, dude, he's yoked.

[A]

Dude, he looks like a kangaroo.

[B]

What's the, what's the background on these? Like, what's the.

[A]

These are. I think they're pig hunting dogs. So I think they're like, they're like. They used to go around and hunt wild boars in Argentina with them.

[B]

All right, so the doggo. Doggo is hilarious.

[A]

Doggo.

[B]

The Doggo Argentino is an Argentine breed of large mastiff. It was bred in the early 20th century in Cordoba in central Argentina, primarily for large game hunting. Wow, that's insane. But are they legal here or illegal?

[A]

I don't.

[B]

It says, why are doggos illegal in the U.S. oh, they're not illegal. They are legal to own nationwide, although some cities and counties have local rest restrictions on bans on the breed due to concerns about their strong prey drive power and potential for aggression which necessitate proper training. The breed was developed for big game hunting. That's a beautiful dog, bro.

[A]

First time I saw that dog, we were boar hunting in Hawaii and they had big thick collars on it with tracking devices and they had like six of them and they were losing their mind and they're like, oh, yeah, they'll grab the boar, they'll hold the bore down until we find it, and we'll use the tracking device to find them.

[B]

Holy shit.

[A]

And, bro, look.

[B]

Imagine if you got that pup dude at.

[A]

Wait, let me see the pup, dude.

[B]

Come on. And then.

[A]

And then you teach him to be your. Your. Like, that's the thing about Mac is we taught Mac to be our apocalypse dog. Like, this dog will protect the house, and Izzy is the one that follows you everywhere, sits at your feet anywhere you go. Izzy is. But Mack stood at doorways waiting for people. And he. His favorite place to sit was at any doorway that. Where the door was open, he'd sit and guard it. Oh, I miss that dog. And then I could get. I could get one of these and just. I'd get another bull Mastiff. I. Bullmaster is the most amazing breed I've ever had in my entire life.

[B]

Dogs are the best.

[A]

Dogs are the best.

[B]

I know. I miss. I miss having dogs. God damn it.

[A]

You're a cat guy.

[B]

No. Yeah, We've cats. We have multiples. Now we got another cat.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

They're. I have to say I've been pleasantly surprised that these guys are awesome. They really are really cool.

[A]

I know you guys are really good friends with Marilyn Rice Cub.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

She's got the best cat in the world.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Have you ever seen her cat?

[B]

No.

[A]

Type in Marilyn Rice Cub's cat. It's.

[B]

This is.

[A]

This is the baddest cat you're ever going to meet.

[B]

That thing. What is that, a lynx?

[A]

Her cat is awesome, dude.

[B]

Holy.

[A]

Her cat would protect her. Look at how big that goddamn cat is.

[B]

That's what I'm saying. That looks like a wild cat. What is that? Is that a bobcat?

[A]

It's. I think it's a Savannah monitor.

[B]

Holy.

[A]

Or Savannah cat. I'm sorry. Savannah cat.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Dude, her cat rocks.

[B]

That's crazy. I got to hit her up about this. This is nuts, dude.

[A]

If you're getting another cat, get one of those. I think the only place you can have it. I. I got to be honest with you. I don't even know if you're allowed to have it in Texas.

[B]

Holy. Oh, my God.

[A]

Look at the leg on that thing.

[B]

Yeah, that. I mean, that really looks like a wild cat, bro. I've never heard of this.

[A]

Isn't it funny that I could tell you, like, I know that animals that people have based on Instagram.

[B]

Yeah. That is really nuts. What is Savannah?

[A]

Oh, yes. Savannah.

[B]

Right. So it's a mix between this, a serval.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Wow. And then a domestic short hair and it breeds a Savannah cat. Yeah, but this is a wild cat, bro. Look at this.

[A]

Oh, yeah. It can jump, like, 10ft.

[B]

I believe it. Probably more. And it gives you those doe eyes, and you're like, what a sweet little guy. Then it just comes up and mauls your face.

[A]

That's a badass animal.

[B]

Holy shit. That's so cool. So much we learned today. We are almost at the point of declaring an of person that we're going to try to promote. I had no idea that there was such thing as a Kane. Corso, corso, Argentine doggo. A doggo Argentino.

[A]

Yup.

[B]

Mary Lynn has this. The best wild animal in her house cat ever.

[A]

And we. And. And listen, hey, if you're out there.

[B]

We'Re gonna do another 5K.

[A]

Oh, we're gonna do another 5K. And if you're out there and you're saying to us, hey, Bert and Tom, that locker room idea is not that bad. Can I give you a soft pitch on it? And I go, yeah, we'd love to hear it. And then I'd love to figure it out. Most I think it has to happen in Austin because you're there and I'm there more often than not.

[B]

Okay, let's do it, dude. Let's do it.

[A]

Awesome. Awesome.

[B]

This is awesome. This was fun.

[A]

Hey, just come back. Just come back alive, okay? I love you.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Just come back alive. Don't read anything. Don't. Just come back alive.

[B]

See you next time.

[A]

All right, I'm going back to this. Burton, Tom. Tom and Burton. One goes topless while the other wears a shirt. Tom tells stories and burts the machine. There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean. Here's what we call two bears, one cave.