We're Being Replaced! (For The Summer) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Summary

Podcast Summary: "We're Being Replaced! (For The Summer)" | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Podcast Information:

• Title: 2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
• Host/Author: YMH Studios
• Description: Weekly, comedian best friends Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer get together in the bear cave at YMH Studios to do what bears do: make each other laugh.
• Episode: We're Being Replaced! (For The Summer)
• Release Date: July 7, 2025

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Introduction and Summer Activities [00:00 - 05:19]

Bert Kreischer kicks off the episode with enthusiasm about "summer bears," setting a light-hearted and comedic tone. He jokes about Tom's relocation out of Texas, playfully teasing about cultural and generational differences.

Notable Quotes:

• Bert: “Summer bears are here. We like to get queer Summer bears. What song is that? [00:00]”
• Tom: “It's summertime. [00:16]”

The conversation shifts to their personal summer activities. Bert shares his experience surfing with friends, highlighting the impressive skills of young surfers and reminiscing about his own surfing days. Tom complements this by mentioning his children's diverse interests, like Jiu-Jitsu and drumming.

Notable Quotes:

• Tom: “Little dudes don't struggle to pop up on a board at all. [01:17]”
• Bert: “Luis J. Gomez is one of the most fascinating guys in the entire world. [01:30]”

Highlighting Friends and Guest Recommendations [05:19 - 11:07]

The hosts discuss their summer commitments, revealing that both will be engaged in significant projects that limit their availability for regular podcasting. Bert is filming a Netflix show called "Freebird" in Atlanta, while Tom is shooting a movie titled "LT Gray" in New Mexico.

Notable Quotes:

• Bert: “I'm living in Atlanta this summer for two months, shooting a television show for Netflix. [05:38]”
• Tom: “I'm shooting a movie this summer in New Mexico. [05:57]”

To keep the podcast ongoing during their absence, they propose featuring guest hosts from their circle of comedian friends. They encourage listeners to suggest potential guests and express excitement about featuring personalities like Chris de Staphone and Stavros.

Notable Quotes:

• Bert: “We thought it'd be fun for you guys to get into the comments right now and tag who you'd love to see as guest bears. [09:10]”
• Tom: “We couldn't be more excited. [19:36]”

Humorous Anecdotes and Guest Interaction [11:07 - 25:04]

Bert introduces Chris de Staphone via FaceTime, showcasing the dynamic and humorous interactions typical of the show. Their banter includes playful teasing and laughter, emphasizing the camaraderie among the comedians.

Notable Quotes:

• Bert: “He's one of the funniest human beings, top to bottom, that I've ever seen. [10:50]”
• Tom: “That's awesome. [16:53]”

The conversation takes a more serious turn as they discuss the changing landscape of comedy. Bert laments the disappearance of the "middle class" of comedians, noting how the industry has shifted towards larger venues and higher earnings, sidelining many talented artists who can no longer sustain themselves.

Notable Quotes:

• Bert: “The wage gap is just so. There's no middle class anymore. [21:40]”
• Tom: “They’ve gotten so lazy in interviews that you see the journalist is clearly just regurgitating what a producer told them. [32:33]”

They delve into the qualifications of modern journalists, critiquing the state of media and expressing concerns about the loss of meritocracy in journalism. This discussion highlights their perspectives on media integrity and the importance of informed commentary.

Notable Quotes:

• Bert: “There's no meritocracy in becoming a journalist. You get cast. [27:55]”
• Tom: “A lot of people were pro Dave. [25:52]”

Hot Air Balloons and Personal Stories [25:04 - 71:12]

The hosts transition to a lighter, yet animated discussion about hot air balloons. Bert shares his skepticism about the safety of hot air ballooning, recounting personal experiences and historical anecdotes about accidents. Tom supports his friend's viewpoint, discussing various incidents and the inherent risks involved.

Notable Quotes:

• Bert: “Hot air balloons are sketchy as fuck. [42:54]”
• Tom: “You can’t steer it right, so you kind of hope that it goes where you want it to go. [43:13]”

Their storytelling includes humorous exaggerations and shared experiences flying in helicopters and encountering precarious situations. They discuss the excitement and dangers of different types of air travel, emphasizing their preference for safer, more controlled environments.

Notable Quotes:

• Bert: “We went to land and he goes, everyone on the out, hold onto the outside and jump off. [44:17]”
• Tom: “That's insane. [17:21]”

Bert also narrates a dramatic incident involving an Uber driver, showcasing his tendency to catapult into exaggerated, comedic tales of frustration and confrontation. This segment underscores their chemistry and ability to turn mundane events into entertaining stories.

Notable Quotes:

• Bert: “You were screaming at him, 'Don't you know what you're saying?' [70:04]”
• Tom: “That's really cool. [70:47]”

Conclusion and Future Episodes [71:12]

As the episode wraps up, Bert and Tom express their excitement for upcoming guest episodes featuring friends like Stavi and Chris. They assure listeners that while their active participation might be limited during their summer projects, the podcast will continue to deliver humor and engaging content through their selected guest hosts.

Notable Quotes:

• Bert: “We've got guest bears coming up. [70:46]”
• Tom: “Just know that it's temporary, so enjoy it while you have it. [70:56]”

They conclude with their signature sign-off, reinforcing the theme of friendship and shared comedic adventures.

Notable Quotes:

• Bert: “Here's what we call two bears, one cave. [71:12]”

---

Key Takeaways:

• Summer Commitments: Both hosts are engaged in significant projects (Netflix show and a movie) that keep them busy during the summer, leading to guest-hosted episodes.
• Industry Insights: A critical look at the evolving comedy scene and media landscape, highlighting concerns about the disappearance of mid-tier comedians and the integrity of modern journalism.
• Personal Anecdotes: Engaging and humorous stories about their experiences with hot air balloons, helicopters, and everyday challenges, showcasing their comedic chemistry and relatable storytelling.
• Guest Interaction: Plans to feature friends and fellow comedians as guest hosts, maintaining the podcast's continuity and humor in their absence.

This episode blends humor with thoughtful commentary, offering listeners both laughs and insights into the lives and thoughts of two prominent comedians navigating their careers and personal adventures.

Transcript

[Bert Kreischer]

100%. Summer bears. Summer bears are here. We like to get queer Summer bears. What song is that?

[Tom Segura]

Summer Bears.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's summer, guys.

[Tom Segura]

It's summertime.

[Bert Kreischer]

Tommy is back in his home state, living here full time. He left Texas. The boys are going to be raised soft pronouns like that.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Your boys are gonna see Rogan's girls, and they're gonna be more manly than your boys. I love that you're back here and you just left Texas and you don't live there at all.

[Tom Segura]

Thanks, man. I appreciate it. It's a warm welcome back. I like my summer retire.

[Bert Kreischer]

How great is it, waking up surfing with the boys.

[Tom Segura]

That was awesome today.

[Bert Kreischer]

Does Push go out?

[Tom Segura]

She did not go out with us. She met us there, but she was doing something, so she met us there. But it was really fun. It was fun. To the little dudes, dude. Little dudes don't struggle to pop up on a board at all. They're just up. The guy told me, because we went out with an instructor, because I was like, damn, they got up right away. He goes, dude, if you go down to Huntington beach, he goes, you will see six and seven year olds that are doing stuff that you see, like pro surfers do, because those kids get on a board when they're like, three. So by the time they're seven, he's like, they're unbelievable, dude.

[Bert Kreischer]

Keep them doing this. How cool would it be if we had grown? I mean, I grew up. Grew up surfing, but not like. Not like as a child where you pick it up initially and then you'll never forget it.

[Tom Segura]

I know, I know. We've been going, like, multiple times a week.

[Bert Kreischer]

So what are other things like today? I got to say this. Luis J. Gomez is one of the most fascinating guys in the entire world. He is such a anomaly of a human being. He trains professionally to fight, and he has no fights lined up every day.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

He has been teaching his son to box his whole life.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Today I'm watching his son hit gloves. His son's a grown man, by the way. 5, 8, 11 years old.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Bert Kreischer]

A man. A man. And he is. Lewis is calling out combos, and he's like, what other things can we do with these boys of yours? What's this? What other things? Like, this is so cool. If they grow up surfing the rest of their life, they will surf. They will just go to Hawaii, Tom, and go surf.

[Tom Segura]

That's it. I mean, it's awesome. Like, well, you know, Ellis loves Jiu jitsu, so he's. He's been He's. He's bumped up a couple belts already. Like, he's. He's been really progressing in that. And then Julian loves drums, so he plays drums like crazy.

[Bert Kreischer]

And it.

[Tom Segura]

He's got, like. He's got such great rhythm and a great ear.

[Bert Kreischer]

Did our dads not love us?

[Tom Segura]

I don't know.

[Bert Kreischer]

He was playing baseball.

[Tom Segura]

He's telling the. The surf instructor. He's like, you like David Bowie? And the instructor's like, do I like David Bowie? Like, yeah. He's like, do you? He's like, well, yeah, man. Like, he's. He's like. He was really ahead of his time. I'm like, what the are you talking about? Yeah, yeah. He's like. He's so into it. It's hilarious, dude.

[Bert Kreischer]

What I'm having, you know, I told you this downstairs, but I'm having real fomo.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. For, like, parenting stuff, dude.

[Bert Kreischer]

Sebastian's. And Corsica with his kids. His wife. Did you see Sebastian's wife doing a handstand on the edge of a infinity pool?

[Tom Segura]

No.

[Bert Kreischer]

I almost wanted to hit my wife and go, you can't do anything. Pull Sebastian's wife fucking Lana is doing a goddamn handstand. I'm going to say casually, you know, everyone knows Lana's gorgeous, but she looks fucking incredible. Look at her.

[Tom Segura]

It's pretty nuts.

[Bert Kreischer]

She's doing a fucking handstand. Leanne couldn't even stand on the edge of an infinity pool.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, you should definitely look at that.

[Bert Kreischer]

Here's what. This is why fucking Instagram needs to shut down. I'm looking at this now. Go to fucking Andrew Schultz. Look at this. Look at this. Look, they look great. Clean clothes, no stains. No ice cream stains.

[Tom Segura]

No ice cream stains.

[Bert Kreischer]

Look, he's got the kids. He's got the little dad bag. He's got the golf cart. They're on a goddamn boat.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, they're on a fucking boat.

[Bert Kreischer]

She looks amazing.

[Tom Segura]

Look at that.

[Bert Kreischer]

Little fun kid car.

[Tom Segura]

Hotel du Cap.

[Bert Kreischer]

Maybe we shouldn't tell them where he's staying.

[Tom Segura]

It's on the Instagram.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, yeah, it's on Instagram now. Go to Andrew Schultz. Look at this. In Ibiza. Go to. No, no, go. I don't know why this is all promo stuff. Get out of here. Get out of here. It's two accounts. Oh, well, never mind. Oh, go to his stories. Go to his stories. Go to stories. Go to his stories. Okay. Look at that beautiful little girl. Ibiza, Spain. Go to the next one. Look at this.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Just a bunch of New York Jews swimming in the ocean don't even care about Gaza.

[Tom Segura]

Yep.

[Bert Kreischer]

And then look at this great food. Look at cocktails in the afternoon. No one's counting drinks. Look at dub spilling on his shirt like a regular American. This is killing me. And then, of course, he's got a snorkel on. This guy doesn't belong in the ocean. But the fish, he's panicked. This is New York for you. He's like, what the. I'm gonna get the piranhas scared. The piranhas is that dove? And then look at this. Everyone's young and beautiful. The kids got a nanny kids going, taking a nap. And they're partying. Balls.

[Tom Segura]

They're having a great time, man.

[Bert Kreischer]

And they're singing Neil diamond in Ibiza. What an authentic Spanish experience. But look at this. I'm having such fomo, Tommy.

[Tom Segura]

Well, you could take a vacation.

[Bert Kreischer]

No, I can't.

[Tom Segura]

Well, that's true.

[Bert Kreischer]

I can't. I can't.

[Tom Segura]

Well, actually, we both really have to stop soon because it's probably a good time to mention that we both have huge obligations this summer that are going to take us away from vacations and anything else.

[Bert Kreischer]

I'm only here right now to film some episodes to go back to work.

[Tom Segura]

They're going back to work. I want you to say what you're doing.

[Bert Kreischer]

I'm living in Atlanta this summer for two months, shooting a television show for Netflix. It's called Freebird. It's. You can find the write up on. I'm not going to tell you about it. I hope you enjoy it. But it's. And. And you. I'm not. I. Can you tell. Can you say what you're doing?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, now I can. So it's. It's such a. I always said it's such a weird business where they're always like, don't say anything. You're like, okay. And then, then they publish an. An article. And then they're like, okay, now you can talk like, what? Okay. But anyway, so at this point, it's already out. So I'm shooting a movie this summer and we're shooting in New Mexico. It's called LT Gray.

[Bert Kreischer]

Can I. Can I talk a little bit about the movie? Because so obviously we're trying to figure out our schedules for this summer and we. We're both working with people that, you know, we're. Tom's making a. A big fucking movie. And I said to someone, they're like, what happens with Two Bears? We're like, we have. We have no idea. Yeah, because we're. You're in New Mexico, I'm in Atlanta. And we don't have the kind of. I mean, this for real, but don't have the kind of budgets where we can just go, hey, let's take privates and meet each other in Austin.

[Tom Segura]

No, it's crazy. It's. We're.

[Bert Kreischer]

They're. We're really kind of just trying to get done.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

And they're like, what's Tom doing? And I go, I don't. Some movie, you know? And you know how I don't listen?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

And then I go, it's like elre or something. And all of a sudden, everyone's ears perked up. This is what's cool about this movie. And we can edit this out if you want. This movie, this script has been around for, like, 20 years.

[Tom Segura]

Like, not quite 20, but probably a dozen. Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. And every huge movie star has tried to get it made.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Everyone has wanted to do this script, and at some point, it just falls through the cracks for everyone. It is. Everyone has tried to get this. Everyone. When I say everyone, you go, that guy. Yes, him. Yeah, Everyone has tried. And now you're making that movie.

[Tom Segura]

You're making that movie.

[Bert Kreischer]

And I'm so excited.

[Tom Segura]

I'm so excited.

[Bert Kreischer]

I know that. I don't. I'm not even saying the premise. I don't know if you can say the premise.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

But, like, it is a great premise. It is a great premise for you.

[Tom Segura]

It's very. It's a very appeal. Like, when I read it, it's so funny. The two writers, Teddy Riley, Aaron Boschbaum, wrote it, and it was, like, their first thing they ever wrote. Now they've done a bunch of. Of, like, TV animation and a bunch of script. Like, they have a bunch of stuff going on now, but this was their first script, and it's like, it was. It was tied up somewhere. You know, there was, like, studio. You had to kind of, like, break. It was a whole thing. But we finally got it, and El Tigre is. It's a cartel comedy, I can tell you that. Like, it's. It's so funny. When I. When I read it, I was like, oh, my God, I would love to make this movie. I actually cannot believe that we're really making it.

[Bert Kreischer]

A lot of people can't believe you're making it. A lot of people are excited the movie to come out.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

A lot of people are, like, pumped. And the fact that, like, I feel like after watching Bad thoughts, I know all your strengths. I know what you're good at. I know. Like, you're just such a talented actor.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, thanks.

[Bert Kreischer]

And it's going to be fun. I'm so excited for it.

[Tom Segura]

Well, so we were thinking that, you know, you have your show, I have this movie. We're both off the grid, so to speak. We want to keep podcasts coming out, so we thought a fun thing to do would be why don't we ask some friends to do episodes for us?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. And we have so many great friends that do podcasts.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

That. That, you know, we can lean into that are, you know, either in Austin or New York or la. So we thought it'd be fun for you guys to get into the comments right now and tag who you'd love to see as guest bears.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

And then. And then we'll read all of those. And then Tom and I are going to pick who we want and not care who you want.

[Tom Segura]

Right. We'll. We'll see your suggestion.

[Bert Kreischer]

We'll see them. But we weren't. Aren't going to listen to them.

[Tom Segura]

Well, we'll. Eventually, we'll just listen to our own hearts.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And we'll pick people.

[Bert Kreischer]

We'll put Chris de Staphone. Stavi.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's it. By the way, two of the funniest fucking dudes in the world.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Two of our favorite. Honestly, they're like, one. We said, who do you want? And I. I mean, I just. I. I think Chris Deano is the funniest guy on a podcast ever. Everything he ever says makes me laugh. He is so quick.

[Tom Segura]

He played blackjack with me this weekend. We were both in Atlantic City.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And he'd never played blackjack before, and he was doing. It's just like that thing when you're like, do you know what you're doing? And it's like, no. And he's, you know, taking a hit on 18 and he gets a three. Like, shit like that. And you're like, what the man? Like, just killing it and then lost it all. But he was doing just incredible. And he was so ridiculous.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh.

[Tom Segura]

Like, with the. The deal, I was just, like, crying, laughing.

[Bert Kreischer]

He's. He's one. He is one of the funniest human beings, top to bottom, that I've ever seen. And I just watched a episode of him and Stavi together.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

They were talking about Catholic school.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

And it was. And Stavi is my spirit animal. I. He makes me giggle harder than anyone.

[Tom Segura]

So funny.

[Bert Kreischer]

And. And we thought we'd. That's who we want. So we'll go. We're going to call them.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

What do we.

[Tom Segura]

Should we call one now? I'll call. I'll call Chrissy FaceTime. Let's see here.

[Bert Kreischer]

And we'll see if they we can get them to do. We may maybe four episodes. Just four episodes while we're shooting the our shows.

[Tom Segura]

I know.

[Bert Kreischer]

I'm gone for two months. Tom's gone for two months.

[Tom Segura]

Should we FaceTime or just FaceTime?

[Bert Kreischer]

No one phone phone calls anybody. You don't FaceTime me for Father's Day.

[Tom Segura]

Who?

[Bert Kreischer]

Shaq?

[Tom Segura]

He did. That's awesome. Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Cough sounds good.

[Tom Segura]

It's. Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Pet it for 10 weeks.

[Tom Segura]

Let's see. 10 week cough is pretty cool.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Is that long covet? Is that what that's called?

[Bert Kreischer]

Long covet? I've lost my sense of smell and spent some sense of taste.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, good.

[Bert Kreischer]

I've had coveted for quite a while now.

[Tom Segura]

How many years?

[Bert Kreischer]

This is my 10th time getting Covid and yeah, I think I might have the record.

[Tom Segura]

All right, well, this is what happened when I FaceTimed.

[Bert Kreischer]

Was that who you FaceTiming?

[Tom Segura]

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[Bert Kreischer]

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[Tom Segura]

Here's Chris. Here's Chris.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, hold on. God damn it.

[Tom Segura]

Hey, handsome.

[Bert Kreischer]

Hey, what's up, man?

[Tom Segura]

Sorry.

[Bert Kreischer]

Sorry I missed the call. It was sexual.

[Tom Segura]

That's cool. We are. We're doing a podcast. Look, it's me and Bert. We're telling the. The audience here that you're going to be doing.

[Bert Kreischer]

What's up, Chris? What's up, Bert?

[Tom Segura]

We're gonna. We're telling people that you guys are going to be doing some guest episodes for us. So everyone here is excited.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yes, I'm. I'm pumped to do it with. I believe I'm with Stavros.

[Tom Segura]

Perfect. I was.

[Bert Kreischer]

And I'm also happy to be on FaceTime with Bert Kreischer's feet.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, there they are. He's got fresh painted nails. He's real excited, dude.

[Bert Kreischer]

I love it, dude. But Mahomes on Domi would love that. So we're gonna. Every. Every week, we're gonna Send you guys 5 talking points we want to hear you guys talk about, and then you can talk about whatever amazing dude. I'm going to do all that, and then I'm going to yell fucking lightning strike at the end of every episode.

[Tom Segura]

How was. How was the 4:30 show in Atlantic City?

[Bert Kreischer]

The 430 show in Atlantic City was what we like to call in the business, a mistake.

[Tom Segura]

Was it a disaster?

[Bert Kreischer]

Well, I mean, for me, I was having fun because I was on rogue nicotine. So I was. Dude, this is from crazy. Rogue nicotine made me. It made me actually have sex with a woman.

[Tom Segura]

That's crazy.

[Bert Kreischer]

So Jasmine and I had sex because I was on rogue nicotine.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

And it was. That was that 4:30 show. I was happy to all the people who came. Tickets were nice, but I mean, what A disaster to do a show at 4:30 in Atlantic City spinning off nicotine.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, dude, because you.

[Bert Kreischer]

Did Tommy get you hooked?

[Tom Segura]

Huh?

[Bert Kreischer]

Did Tommy get you hooked? Tommy got me hooked. And now. And I'm telling you what, if I was on rogue nicotine looking at this right now, I'd be coming in my pants. Look at that. Look at that. Look at that. Shirtless dude in New York.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, hell yeah, dude. Nice. Nice. V. Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Gary Vpack.

[Tom Segura]

So now. Now Jazz is probably trying to get you on those rogues since you become attracted to her.

[Bert Kreischer]

100, man. I was letting it fly in there. I was go. It was crazy, dude.

[Tom Segura]

Good.

[Bert Kreischer]

I was calling my. Yeah, I was calling my. I was calling my low bunk buster.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that's cool. That's awesome, man.

[Bert Kreischer]

New York is so cool.

[Tom Segura]

It's the best. Well, look, we're super excited, dude. We love you. Thank you for doing those episodes for us.

[Bert Kreischer]

We.

[Tom Segura]

We couldn't be more excited.

[Bert Kreischer]

I appreciate it, man. Hopefully Alan Aldine will keep texting me.

[Tom Segura]

I hope so, too. All right, I'll talk to you soon, bro. All right, bye.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, my God, he's such a lunatic. Don't. Acne on my cheeks.

[Tom Segura]

On your cheeks?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, like, right here and right here. Like, I put pimple patches on them. I don't even think those things work.

[Tom Segura]

Are those ingrown hairs? Maybe.

[Bert Kreischer]

I think they might be. One was Stabby's. I have a feeling Stabby's sleeping.

[Tom Segura]

He. I think he's on set.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, are they shooting?

[Tom Segura]

I think he's doing something. Yeah, well, he might call you back.

[Bert Kreischer]

He'll call back, but we've got Stabby, we've got Chris.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

There are Summer Bears. They're doing us a favor and that. And it's very cool of them. So go check out me. Stabby's amazing in fucking Tires.

[Tom Segura]

Yes.

[Bert Kreischer]

Episode seven of Tires is my favorite episode of television I've ever seen. I was so impressed by that. That series got Soviet's number. I was giving it out to everyone. I was so impressed by the season of Tires. It was so good.

[Tom Segura]

Really?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. Yeah, I texted. I mean, it was really good. Anyway, let's. You know. You know what I was thinking? You know what's crazy? I don't know. This is a weird thought, but I was looking at, like. At like when we were comics versus when these guys are comics. And I feel like.

[Tom Segura]

What do you mean? When we were comics?

[Bert Kreischer]

When we were. Oh, God.

[Tom Segura]

We were new comics.

[Bert Kreischer]

No, when we were their age. Oh, like, when we were their age. Like, what's. What's Chris, 32? Chris.

[Tom Segura]

Stephanie. Yeah, no, he's like 40.

[Bert Kreischer]

No.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, he's like 40.

[Bert Kreischer]

41. 40. Okay.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

But like, whatever happened to the middle class of comedy?

[Tom Segura]

The middle class.

[Bert Kreischer]

Like, the middle class, like, when we were. When we were like. How about this? Forget ages. When we were like, 12 years in. Yeah, 15 years in. 12 years in.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Bert Kreischer]

Everyone was doing clubs.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Everyone was making $2,500.

[Tom Segura]

Right.

[Bert Kreischer]

And there was. And maybe the most. Maybe guys were making 6,000, maybe guys were making 25,000, but there weren't a lot of people making crazy money. And then all of a sudden, something happened with comedy. I don't know if it was podcasting, but the wage gap is just so.

[Tom Segura]

Far, it's so enormous.

[Bert Kreischer]

There's no middle class anymore. Like, even, like, these guys are all doing arenas and huge theaters and shit like that. Like, it's kind of crazy to me. And I was. I was wondering, what do you think? I mean, and then, like the other day on Saturday, on Sunday, I'm sitting in my backyard and I'm. And I'm not working, you know, I'm. I'm having coffee. I have nothing to do on Sunday. And I. I open the New York Times app and three of my friends are in the New York Times. Yeah, three, like, and they're not. And they're. I mean, I mean, I mean, like, they're. They're all doing very, very big things, but they're not like 30 year comics. And we're not talking about Seinfeld. It was Shane Schultz and Dave Smith are all in the New York Times.

[Tom Segura]

Separately.

[Bert Kreischer]

Separately. Separately. Shane. I mean, I didn't read the articles. I only read Dave Smith's article, but I didn't read the articles kind of, you know.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

I don't know if it's positive or negative. I don't want it to affect.

[Tom Segura]

You don't know what the articles were even about.

[Bert Kreischer]

Schultz was. I think Schultz was. Schultz reposted his. That's where I caught. Was about Schultz being. I really don't know.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Bert Kreischer]

I really didn't. I mean, I kind of glanced with Shane's.

[Tom Segura]

About his show.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, about. Yeah. But I think it was good.

[Tom Segura]

Okay. And what was the Dave. This is a great summary.

[Bert Kreischer]

The Dave one. Yeah, there He's. He's America's foremost political journalist. That's what the majority of it was all about. He's like a political journalist now. Schultz is. So is Theo and so is Dave. Dave's was a negative piece I started reading Dave's. I like Dave. I always, I mean, I don't know Dave's politics. I don't know if they always line up with mine, but I like Dave's opinions. I really like Dave's opinions.

[Tom Segura]

Right.

[Bert Kreischer]

Because I know he thinks about the things he says. He doesn't just say shit Wild. He doesn't just like, you know, there he is. He died. He's dead. He died at 72.

[Tom Segura]

That's cool.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's a different.

[Tom Segura]

I didn't even know he was in the synthesizers like that.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's a different Dave Smith. Okay, so maybe it's the, I don't know Dave Smith. It's got to be Dave Smith. I just read it Sunday.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, maybe do Dave Smith, comedian.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, I would definitely say something about Iran.

[Tom Segura]

Really?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. Okay, never mind. Don't. I, I, Anyway, I read it.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, you did read this one?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, I, I read, I started reading, I didn't read the whole thing, so.

[Tom Segura]

Right, Okay.

[Bert Kreischer]

I don't like.

[Tom Segura]

And then the, it was the tilt to the article that was a negative spin.

[Bert Kreischer]

It was a negative spin. It was. And it was, it was basically saying that, like that, like this I'm, this is why I don't talk about politics. I don't read the whole article. Right. So like National Review is National National Review. And it was just saying that, like, podcasters shouldn't be talking about politics. Podcasters shouldn't be interviewing politicians. Podcast.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, wow. The remarkable idiocy. That's a pretty aggressive headline, man.

[Bert Kreischer]

Well, he went, he went head to head with this guy on Rogan.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that got a lot of traction. That was a huge. And that Douglas Murray. That was the guy, right, the guy.

[Bert Kreischer]

The problem is Doug, I guess, Douglas. It's like Dave is, I mean, I always thought, I always think of Dave as just a comic, a really smart comic. This guy Douglas Murray is not a comic. He's just a smart dude. So if you got a juggle of two occupations, this guy just does one occupation.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

So he's just, it's like you, you don't, don't go head to head with a guy that knows how to argue.

[Tom Segura]

Well, I think he, he, A lot of people thought he, I mean, I, I, I saw the response to that and it was kind of the way most things go online these days where there was a split amongst how people. Like some people were 100 on Douglas's side, but I saw a lot of.

[Bert Kreischer]

People, A lot of people were pro Dave.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, a lot.

[Bert Kreischer]

By the way, Dave's holding his ground with a guy that's smart as shit and Dave's smartest shit. But they just have different opinions. Here's the weird thing is, I was thinking about all this. Like, all this is like this business has gotten so bizarre, so crazy that you're like, that they're saying a guy like Dave shouldn't be talking about Iran and the US And Trump. He shouldn't even be talking about it. But then I was like, I was like, this is where I got kind of caught up. But why did. When they hire like Don Lemon or you know, like one of those things.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Like, do they, do they like, are they qualified? When you, when you get hired as a news reporter, right, Are you like. Because you get hired as like out of college. Like, I took journalism in college, right. But I'm not like, I just am good looking. I have a full head of hair and I have my, my. I have a hyphen in my name. Martinez Bivara. And they're like, oh, she's good. She'll. She'll fill that hole, right? And then they hire her and then she works her way up. She goes, yo, lose the hyphen. Let's just go to the fucking Today show. And now she's just. And well, I mean, Brooklyn College and Louisiana State University, it's not. I mean, I'm very good at colleges, but it's not like, it's not like he's saying he's magna cum laude. It's not the smartest guy at college.

[Tom Segura]

No, no. Usually typically for these people, what happens is you get local jobs first, right? You go small market. Yeah. And you, you're reporting on the parade in town and you get lucky with one thing sometimes. Yeah. And you, and you progress well. Then you go to a bigger market. You know, it's like a step by step thing. And then sometimes you get on the, like the national scale and then you.

[Bert Kreischer]

Get moved over and you're like, like, do you want to do weather? And you hold out. You're like, no, no, no, no, I want to do mornings.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

And then you hold out and you get cnn. And then you are considered a, a qualified journalist because you got cast. I mean, you got cast. You didn't, you didn't. You don't earn it. There's no, there's no. What's meritocracy in becoming a journalist? You get, you get cast, correct?

[Tom Segura]

Well, I don't know if there's no meritocracy.

[Bert Kreischer]

I'm going to argue there's. 0, 0, 00. You know what it is?

[Tom Segura]

What?

[Bert Kreischer]

Did people tune in? I mean that. I guess that's the meritocracy right there. But it's not like a professional football player who earns his position, right?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, it is.

[Bert Kreischer]

You get. You get cast. You get cast.

[Tom Segura]

Well, yeah, you definitely need higher up to be like, yes, you. It's an interesting time for business. Tariff and trade policies are dynamic, supply chain squeezed and cash flow tighter than ever. If your business can't adapt in real time, you're in a world of hurt. You need total visibility from global shipments to tariff impacts to real time cash flow. That's NetSuite by Oracle, your AI powered business management suite. Trusted by over 42,000 businesses, NetSuite is the number one cloud ERP for many reasons. It brings accounting, financial management, inventory, HR into one suite. You have one source of truth giving you the visibility and control you need to make quick decisions. With real time forecasting, you're peering into the future with actionable data. And with AI embedded throughout, you can automate a lot of those everyday tasks, letting your teams stay strategic. NetSuite helps you know what's stuck, what it's costing you, and how to pivot fast. I know so many people at different types of businesses that can't tell you how much their life and their business changed when they find the right software to help them get ahead. If your revenues are at least in the seven figures, download the free ebook Navigating Global Trade. Three insights for leaders at netsuite.com bears that's netsuite.com sl bears if you run an E commerce business, you know packages don't arrive by magic, but it sure will feel like it if you use ShipStation. Last year alone, over 700 million orders were fulfilled with ShipStation. With ShipStation, you can sync orders from everywhere you sell into one dashboard and replace manual tasks with custom automations to reduce shipping errors, all at a fraction of the cost you never need to upgrade. ShipStation grows with your business, no matter how big it gets. Lead your business into the future with smart features and automations that boost efficiency and save you time. It's the fastest, most affordable way to ship products to your customers. With discounts up to 88% off UPS, DHL Express and USPS rates and up to 90% off FedEx rates. Seamlessly integrate with services and selling channels you already use and manage orders on one easy dashboard. Personally, I think that's the greatest component of this whole thing is you see everything in one place, you know what order is coming in and you know which way is going out. You know where it's going and you know which delivery service is taking it. During the time of this spot, another 1400 packages were shipped with the help of ShipStation. Upgrade to a smoother shipping experience. Go to shipstation.com cave to sign up for your free trial. No credit card or contract required and you can Cancel Anytime. That's shipstation.com cave it's, it's that guy.

[Bert Kreischer]

And sometimes that higher up is the guy from Fox that made everyone suck his dick.

[Tom Segura]

Right?

[Bert Kreischer]

Right.

[Tom Segura]

Awesome.

[Bert Kreischer]

And so.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

And so you're over.

[Tom Segura]

Let me turn around again. Let me look at your ass.

[Bert Kreischer]

But, but that's my, my problem is like I'll say, let's just say art for argument's sake. 50% of newscasters, 50 are like 100% qualified. And then 50% have great teeth, have good hair.

[Tom Segura]

Now you make a good point. Actually. There's completely underqualified people reporting the news all the time.

[Bert Kreischer]

And if you. And now we're. No, I'm just talking about cnn, abc, cbs, NBC, the top ones, right? Fox News, msnbc, those ones. Now if we take that and trickle it all the way down to locals all around the country, those numbers are going to be astoundingly different. It's going to be 90% are unqualified to speak on camera about anything policy related. And 10% are.

[Tom Segura]

Well, you can see when they just. Sometimes they've gotten so lazy in interviews that you see the journalist is clearly just regurgitating what a producer told them. And they're not even well versed in the subject matter. They'll just go, how about this?

[Bert Kreischer]

That producer doesn't even want to be producing news. The cameramen don't want to be shooting camera news. I know that because I've worked with guys, they're like, thank God I got out of news. Right? No one wants to be doing news. So you got a bunch of people phoning it in. And then you have people like Dave Smith, for argument's sake, who isn't phoning it in. He's doing the research. He's passionate about it, he loves it. And you have people criticizing, saying he should shut the fuck up. He's a comic. And you're like, well then what, what is our, what is our, our litmus here that we're going to argue who should talk and who shouldn't talk. Now listen, I personally do not speak because I know I don't have anything positive.

[Tom Segura]

I wouldn't say you don't Speak. You speak quite a bit.

[Bert Kreischer]

I'm speaking about stuff I'm qualified to talk about, and that's this. Like, I'm not going to tell you about Iran and Iraq or we.

[Tom Segura]

Or.

[Bert Kreischer]

You know what I mean? Right.

[Tom Segura]

Where. Where do you. Where do you think we're having trouble right now?

[Bert Kreischer]

It's the goddamn Middle east, man. Yeah, it's always been our prize. This is the Middle East. My cheeks are the Middle East. They're red as. There's bumps everywhere. You can't trust them. They wake. Sometimes you just, just. It's. I don't know. I don't. I'm not really sure. Okay.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

You ready, Bert? Chrysler's talking politics.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Let's hear it.

[Bert Kreischer]

So I ran Iran.

[Tom Segura]

It's probably better to go with Iran.

[Bert Kreischer]

I ran three miles today.

[Tom Segura]

There you go.

[Bert Kreischer]

Iran. I did run three miles.

[Tom Segura]

Great.

[Bert Kreischer]

I ran, I swam, I did it all. Iran, Iraq. Iran. So Iran. Iran had enriched plutonium. And that's. And that means you're gonna make nuclear arms. These are the only things I researched.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Google how many nuclear warheads every country has. Russia has the most.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, Russia went into, like, overdrive.

[Bert Kreischer]

Overdrive.

[Tom Segura]

Like as soon as they.

[Bert Kreischer]

No, there's a. There's an actual chart. Two images, I'm sure. Oh, there it is. There. That's the chart. Countries with nuclear weapons. So, like, Pakistan is up there. India's up there. United Kingdom's close with Pakistan, which is ironic because I think they used to run Pakistan. China has got 500, which makes me sleep better at night. United States could have roughly a thousand more, in my opinion. So that we're head to head with Russia.

[Tom Segura]

Well, at one point, you know, it was 10 times the amount.

[Bert Kreischer]

And we started taking them apart.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, we started to reduce our. Both Russia and the US did. We had just crazy amounts of nukes. And it was basically a conjoined effort to reduce the amount that we had.

[Bert Kreischer]

North Korea, are these nukes. This is a crazy question. Are they. Are they locked and loaded or they go like, well, we got to put it together. But then we could put it together and send it.

[Tom Segura]

That's a good question because I would think that some are ready to rock at any time.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, they're not like, it's not like. It's not like, oh, no, I have a folding table, but I gotta go to the garage and get it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Okay. I'm not comfortable with North Korea. Who's got 50, but how many did Ira. Iraq have? Iran.

[Tom Segura]

Iran.

[Bert Kreischer]

Iran.

[Tom Segura]

Well, Iran doesn't have Any. But the whole, the whole thing, the, the idea that has been thrown around at this point forever is that they're so close to having them. Right.

[Bert Kreischer]

So many. They're going to get 10.

[Tom Segura]

Well, we don't know, but you know.

[Bert Kreischer]

Where they're going to use them.

[Tom Segura]

They were saying, you know, like Israel was saying, like, oh, it's, you know, at different times in the last decade plus, they've been like, they're years away, they're months away, they're weeks away, they're days away. Like, it's just kind of this cycle of like, they're close, they're close. They're always talking about how close they are. And then, you know, the US also participates in that. And then most recently our Director of National Intelligence said, yeah, they're not the.

[Bert Kreischer]

22 year old gardener.

[Tom Segura]

No, no, no, that's Tulsi Gabbard. Tulsi Gabbard for real is our Director of National Intelligence.

[Bert Kreischer]

Fucking shout out to Tulsi.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, Tulsi is.

[Bert Kreischer]

I didn't know that. I. Fudgeing. Love Tulsi. Keep going. I love Tulsi.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. So.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, yeah, okay. If Tulsi said it, I'm cool.

[Tom Segura]

She said they are not close. And then Trump said, she's wrong. And then he, he went ahead and bombed these facilities because he was like, they were so close to having these bombs.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And this is like not a new, like debate whether they're closed it. But the idea now is that, you know, he, he bombs those facilities and then he's like, and now is the time for peace. And it's like, you just bombed them. So I mean, who knows? But we're also.

[Bert Kreischer]

But they never had one in the first place.

[Tom Segura]

They did not have one.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's almost like if your kids never had ice cream and you buy ice cream but you drop it, they're not going to know what they missed.

[Tom Segura]

And this is what the President should say.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, yeah. Like, guys, they never had them in the first place. I just bombed them. Now they still never have them. We've completed our. It is kind of fucked up that he said it on Twitter and didn't tell his staff. He was like, just read my Twitter, guys.

[Tom Segura]

Guys. Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Three nuclear sites in Iran, including Fordow Natas Estefan. All planes are now outside the Iran airspace. Full payload of bombs was dropped on the primary sites. All planes are safe on the way home. To great American warriors. There's not another military in the world that could have done this. Well, Russia probably could have done it. Now is the time. Now is the time for peace. Thank you for your attention.

[Tom Segura]

Those matters, I've never heard somebody do quite that. Like, we just bombed the out of a place. Now it's peace time.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's like coming back from a strip club covered in glitter going, I'm ready to settle down now.

[Tom Segura]

Now, nobody else do anything because I.

[Bert Kreischer]

Blew five loads in five different strippers. Let's go, let's go.

[Tom Segura]

Let's settle down.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

So I don't know, man. I, I mean, I'm in favor. Obviously, we're talking about. I, I, I, like, I mean, I think everybody should be able to speak about anything they want.

[Bert Kreischer]

I think so, too. So I think 100%.

[Tom Segura]

And also, I'm not against somebody who's so much more qualified telling someone to shut the up. Yeah. Putting me in my place and say, like, you know what you're saying. Okay. So you get to say that.

[Bert Kreischer]

I almost welcome it. I was called my dad.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Our dad's.

[Bert Kreischer]

My dad would fucking tell me, shut the fuck up. You don't know what you're saying. And that's why I don't go, like, go speak wildly about things or, you know what I mean?

[Tom Segura]

I have, I have the, the I sort of sense he might still say that.

[Bert Kreischer]

There's a video clip of a friend. I won't say her friend, but a friend of ours. Yeah, a good friend. Not who everyone thinks is the one, but another one. And he's. Someone's like, says something to him and he just yells, free Palestine. My dad sent me that clip. He's like, I know you like this guy. I know this guy's a funny guy. Don't you fucking say a word about Palestine or Israel out loud ever. This is your. This is not in your goddamn league. You don't. What the fuck. You don't know what the fuck you're saying. You don't know what. You don't know a goddamn thing, so shut your fucking mouth. And I was like, thanks, Theo. One guy says one thing, and my dad gets mad at me.

[Tom Segura]

You so funny, dude.

[Bert Kreischer]

No, I bugging. I'll tell you what. Where my. Where I get, like, really passionate.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Like, this is like, because, because it applies to me. Did you see the hot air balloon crash?

[Tom Segura]

I read about it.

[Bert Kreischer]

I didn't see it. I didn't see bullets.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, wow. Okay, dude.

[Bert Kreischer]

And this is. I can speak. I can speak with expertise on this. Hot air balloons are sketchy as.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, okay.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's just the crash. That's not. You don't Want to be. That's.

[Tom Segura]

That's not good. No.

[Bert Kreischer]

So wait, hold on.

[Tom Segura]

So some people live, though, in that.

[Bert Kreischer]

No, no, no, no.

[Tom Segura]

No one lives.

[Bert Kreischer]

No one lived. No one lived. Hang on. You got to show the people dropping from the balloon.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, cool, man. You're not usually this fun.

[Bert Kreischer]

Hang on. People are.

[Tom Segura]

So that's when it's starting to go sideways.

[Bert Kreischer]

I don't know what.

[Tom Segura]

Well, probably because we're on NBC site, so they're not going to make. You got to go on, like, Twitter.

[Bert Kreischer]

Go to the Dark Web.

[Tom Segura]

If you go to Twitter, they're not going to edit anything. Go to X. Excuse me.

[Bert Kreischer]

So here's the thing I'll say about a hot air balloon.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's like the first guy. I mean, when you. I just. I just listened to a podcast about the first guy to go up in a hot air balloon.

[Tom Segura]

The first guy.

[Bert Kreischer]

First guy in, like, France.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Bert Kreischer]

And they were like. And he just. He. He thought it was smoke that took the thing up because smoke. Rye rise and smoke rises because it's hot. But he thought it was smoke, so we filled it with smoke. And he went up like 3,000ft the very first time. Can you imagine that?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's the very first time he skyrocketed. And then he came down in the middle of a field. He was like, that's amazing. So they did a bunch of them. And then one time he got shut down because they were like. Because right around World War I, and they were like, this is German. He ends up dying. He ends up dying on that in another one. But you couldn't. He tried to cross the. The. This is also. I listen to this podcast. This is how little I retain. He tried to cross the. The bearings, not the bearing. Straight the. The over to England.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

And got out.

[Tom Segura]

Channel.

[Bert Kreischer]

Channel and British Channel. And then they pushed him back. She was like, this is. There's no way to control this thing.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

And that is the problem with hot air balloons. Okay. Is this guy's falling from it.

[Tom Segura]

Holy, bro.

[Bert Kreischer]

Wow.

[Tom Segura]

So you're seeing people fall out of it.

[Bert Kreischer]

There's. I don't know how. We're not. There's. If some. If there was a man running this. Joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. No, there. First of all, if you type hot air balloon, all you're going to see is everyone's terrifying experience in a hot air balloon. Hot air balloons. And this is Bert Kreischer. I've ridden a few. Are fucking sketchy as fuck. Okay. You have Tom, you Have like fucking five propane tanks in there. And then you have a torch that just goes. Releases a fucking flamethrowers amount of flame into a huge balloon. Just. Have you ever sat at a restaurant too close to the heaters and your head starts to burn?

[Tom Segura]

Yes.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's like that times 100 in the hot air balloon. You're sitting under a heater, just. It's loud as you've done it. I've done it a few times.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Here's the sketchiest part. You can't steer it right, so you kind of hope that it goes where you want it to go.

[Tom Segura]

I have seen one go into power lines before.

[Bert Kreischer]

Power lines?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

The first time I rode a hot air balloon, the guy goes, all right, this is going to be a sketchy landing because he can't pick where he lands. We landed in a bank parking lot.

[Tom Segura]

Really?

[Bert Kreischer]

There were cars driving around.

[Tom Segura]

And we do it again.

[Bert Kreischer]

No, never, never in a million fucking years. I did the biggest day in the world of hot air balloons they have in New Mexico, and there's tons of accidents there. This isn't even the one. This is just hot air balloon accidents are all open. It is the sketchiest form of air travel you can ever pick. And it is crazy. And when you do it, all that's in my feed are people in a hot air balloon. Because a lot of times they'll go get on the ground and brace for impact because they're coming in, they can't. You can't pick how slow you come in. I know there's a hot air balloon enthusiast listening to this who's outraged.

[Tom Segura]

Yes.

[Bert Kreischer]

But he knows I'm right and he's wrong.

[Tom Segura]

Well, he knows that I'm assuming that, like, the more you kind of give that heat, right. It's going to. So you're going to slow down your descent.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

You start giving it.

[Bert Kreischer]

So they feather it on the way down so that it's. But. But at a certain point, they gotta land and they gotta land within an area. So when we landed in the bank parking lot, we, we went to land and he goes, everyone on the out, hold onto the outside and jump off, jump off. So now you climb out and your feet are on the outside, you're holding on, and he's coming in at like, let's just say, let's just say, just for argument's sake, seven miles an hour. Okay, go to a treadmill, turn it on a seven, and then I want you to stand on the side and then just jump on the treadmill with Both feet and see how you fucking tumble.

[Tom Segura]

So wait, that's how you jump? That's how you landed. You. You hang out the outside.

[Bert Kreischer]

He. He had us because he's like, this is going to be bad. So just. It's better for you to jump and.

[Tom Segura]

Roll than to just sit in here.

[Bert Kreischer]

And we're on Travel Channel. We're on Travel Channel with fucking people who are like. And so we had to jump out of the fucking hot air balloon.

[Tom Segura]

How'd that feel?

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, it's fucking put.

[Tom Segura]

Did you skydive, too?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, skydive twice. That's. I mean, listen, I know that people are passionate about it. I just. It's the fucking. It's not. It's not for me. It's not for me. It's. And I'll say. I should just say hot air balloons aren't for me, but they're not for me because I. I'm not. I don't have a death wish.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Like, I mean, just. It's like. And I know I'm probably going to get hate from the hot air balloon community. It's pretty wild, popular community. But they have to agree. There is a certain air of sketchiness about it in that you can't. It's. First of all, I got to tell you, it's fucking crazy to be up. See how high hot air balloons go to be up 5,000ft. And just looking at the. Especially in New Mexico and up with 7,000ft. They go up to 7,000ft.

[Tom Segura]

Jesus Christ. Look at the altitude record. It's 68,000ft. That's way.

[Bert Kreischer]

Dude. Type in Hot Air Balloon Festival, New Mexico. This is the one we did. And it's. Tom. It's crazy because everyone's got their balloons laid out, right? And then they have to have their heat source kind of angled so they're like, oh, my. That's what we did. Now, do you know how wild landings are. Is when you're in a sea of hot air balloons?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Some people come in hot, right? You got it. Like, not everyone's.

[Bert Kreischer]

Here's the crazy part is not. Not as many people as you'd think die in hot air balloons. But people get hurt.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. When we were in. I was in a helicopter like a couple months ago, and I'm sitting up there with the guy. He's like, yeah. You know, he's looking out. He's like, you always remember that. You're just like, you're always just a couple seconds away from dying. And I was like, like, yeah. And then he goes yeah, you know, birds, right? Birds are what's going to kill us. So just look out for any birds, like, yeah, dude, for sure. And. And then I go, when do you feel, like at peace? And he's like, when we're back on the ground.

[Bert Kreischer]

Look at this, Tom. This is it, Tom. Look. This is when it catches fire. My God. And that's a guy holding on. Okay. And then that guy goes to hold on.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, my. That's not a fun fall either.

[Tom Segura]

God, that guy's okay. The guy that fell. That's horrific.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's. That guy. What?

[Tom Segura]

That's really crazy. They survived this.

[Bert Kreischer]

Hang on. Thirteen survivors.

[Tom Segura]

That's insane, bro. That's the worst. That's.

[Bert Kreischer]

If you're telling me right now I want to recant everything I just said, if you're telling me there's 13 survivors from this accident, then this is the safest way to travel in the air.

[Tom Segura]

That's crazy.

[Bert Kreischer]

If you're telling me 13 people survived.

[Tom Segura]

Did you see the one survivor from the India?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

22 people were in that.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, okay. Like, before it was misleading. Like right when it started crawling, catching fire. 20ft. They're like, hey, let's get out. And these guys are like, don't worry, we'll put it out. Is this them turning it on? Oh, let's see this.

[Tom Segura]

No way.

[Bert Kreischer]

Look at that. First of all, look at the. The flame. The heat source is just sketchy in my opinion. And all of a sudden you just start going. And then you don't go. And then you go. I would jump right now.

[Tom Segura]

I was going to say, like, who. This is just terrible, man.

[Bert Kreischer]

Well, it's. It's sucks. It sucks for everyone, including.

[Tom Segura]

Well, when did they jump? Really?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, the fire started before this.

[Tom Segura]

That's so up, man. That is so crazy. Wait, what's your look for the. The guy that survived the India crash?

[Bert Kreischer]

Do we think it's real?

[Tom Segura]

You think that's real?

[Bert Kreischer]

Everyone died except for Emma.

[Tom Segura]

Everyone. Everyone.

[Bert Kreischer]

Everyone died.

[Tom Segura]

The person who drives the crash is Vishwa Kumar. Ramesh. Here are. Okay.

[Bert Kreischer]

He's got a couple scratches on him. That's tough, right?

[Tom Segura]

So hit that show more if you would. So he was the only passenger to survive the Air air India Flight 171. He described his survival as a miracle. Unable to fully explain how he made it out, he was seated in 11A and exit row seat, which made.

[Bert Kreischer]

He was really on the plane. That's like, they have a ticket.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, they have the ticket. Yeah. Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

If that's true and I think I could survive a plane crash.

[Tom Segura]

You think you could?

[Bert Kreischer]

I got that energy.

[Tom Segura]

That's insane. Yeah. I mean, I know it makes no sense.

[Bert Kreischer]

I mean, it's. It's just. It's like. It's like for real. I mean, like, usually things like this are too good to be true.

[Tom Segura]

I know.

[Bert Kreischer]

And then you find out. No, he was just a guy on top of them.

[Tom Segura]

That's like, that's him in the moment. Right there. The one in the middle, the first row.

[Bert Kreischer]

He's walking middle.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. I mean, everything right after the crash.

[Bert Kreischer]

Everyone else dead was incinerated.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

And he just was like.

[Tom Segura]

I don't understand it either.

[Bert Kreischer]

He just double dutched out of it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Huh.

[Bert Kreischer]

That's him.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

He still has his drink in his hand.

[Tom Segura]

And someone's like. I remember, he's like, get the off me. I remember that.

[Bert Kreischer]

He's had a cell phone, his hand. I wonder if he was on his cell phone. And take off. And that's what brought the plane down. He's in good shape. What. What can he possibly be upset about?

[Tom Segura]

I don't know. People touching him. I don't know. He's got probably jet fuel burning on him, dude.

[Bert Kreischer]

No, no, he doesn't. No.

[Tom Segura]

He had burns to his face.

[Bert Kreischer]

No, but it wasn't. Oh, for real? Yeah, but it wasn't like Travis Barker's playing crash where he survived. Where they were on the ground, you know, like they were. They. They dropped from the sky.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Onto a building. Correct.

[Tom Segura]

Everybody burned to nothing. Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Look at, look at the aftermath of that crash, dude.

[Bert Kreischer]

I mean, I don't.

[Tom Segura]

I know. I don't understand it either.

[Bert Kreischer]

It just. And so he was saying the. The 11A just opened up and he just stepped out of it.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know. I don't get it.

[Bert Kreischer]

Well, there is the story. Did you ever hear the story of the. The little girl who dropped out of an airplane into the Amazon?

[Tom Segura]

Yes.

[Bert Kreischer]

And lived there for like 70 days.

[Tom Segura]

There's a few. There's a few people that have fell like 30, 000ft. Yeah. And in their seat, like woke up, which is nuts.

[Bert Kreischer]

Crazy.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

There's one woman, there's a flight attendant who. The plane exploded and she was in the back of the plane and she rolled. The. She landed on. So apparently if you land on an incline, you live.

[Tom Segura]

What do you mean?

[Bert Kreischer]

Like, if you can land on an incline, you can live.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Bert Kreischer]

So like she landed on an incline, so it kind of. She didn't like hit like solid. She kind of just so it kind of like. It's like landing on like a. It's like dropping into a half pipe.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

And so that's how one lady lived. I don't know how that. I don't know how the girl in the Amazon lived.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that story I've read, it's on. It's unbelievable. Her, I think her parents are on that. In that crash and died.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

So she was there, like the sole survivor of that family.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. We were in a helicopter one time and the guy said to me, the girl in there was terrified and she did mountain rescue in Denver. And I was like. I was like, you should be having fun. It's trip flip. Let me open some champagne. She goes, I lost eight friends in a helicopter crash last week. And I was like, oh, wow, that's crazy. I go, well, what are the odds that's going to happen two weeks in a row, right? She was like, huh? And she was like, it's just all it takes is one screw. One screw and the whole thing goes to shit. I go, that's not true. It's got to be more complicated than that. And I go to the guy, go, isn't that right, sir? And he goes, no, she's right. One screw and we go down. Oh, I thought there'd be more fail safe than that.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. This is Julianne Kopeck. I don't know how to say it. In 71, at the age of 17, she was the sole survivor of Lanza 508, which was struck by lightning and disintegrated over the Peruvian Amazon. She fell nearly two miles.

[Bert Kreischer]

Holy.

[Tom Segura]

While still strapped to her seat. That's right. After the crash, she spent 11 days alone in the jungle, battling injuries, hunger and thirst, before being rescued by lumberjacks. Her incredible survival story was the subject of documentaries, books and films, including Wings of Hope. It happened on Christmas Eve.

[Bert Kreischer]

Christmas Eve, Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Her and her mother were on a flight from Lucy Lima and they were struck by lightning. The plane broke apart. It's so crazy. She plummeted nearly two miles. She managed to navigate the jungle for 11 days. She found a bag of sweets. Wow. It's just.

[Bert Kreischer]

All I. All I hear out of this is so. That you're telling me the crap. The, the explosion doesn't kill you? I mean, you're so like, you're telling me everyone that's been in a plane crash, their death happens on the floor?

[Tom Segura]

Not all. It just depends on the circumstances of that crash. But this one is really crazy, man.

[Bert Kreischer]

I've flown in some of the sketchiest planes in the world.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

I flew on a plane in Tanzania where I said, will there be. I said to the lady up front, I said, will there be a service for drinks on the flight? And she was like, no. And I said, well, what if we have a fear of flying? She goes, you don't like flying? I said, no. She goes, I would get yourself some beer and bring it on. And I was like, I can bring beer on the plane. And she goes, oh, yeah. She goes, I wouldn't advertise it, but I would get some beers. And I said, how many could I bring on? And she goes, as many as you can carry. So I was like, okay. In my head, I'm like, I'm sitting in first class. It's gonna be, you know, it can't be that bad. I wish I had an actual picture of this. I wish I'd taken a picture of this. I went. And I got six tall boys, like, big ones, right? Put them in my backpack, and I get on the plane. We had to enter from the back of the plane. And as I walked up, I go to my seat, 1B, aisle seat. And all our luggage is netted in front of me.

[Tom Segura]

Nice.

[Bert Kreischer]

All of the luggage is for the whole plane. For the whole plane is netted. Just netted in front of me. And I went, oh, my God.

[Tom Segura]

How long is this flight?

[Bert Kreischer]

I was. Tanzania to Ethiopia or Tanzania to. I don't know. It was Tanzania to somewhere. It was fucking Africa, okay? And. And I remember just being like, oh, my. This is the worst flight I've. I could ever. I had to have taken a picture of it. I'll see if I can find it. If I can find it, I'll post it.

[Tom Segura]

I've been on some of these.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yes, you have.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Grew up on these.

[Tom Segura]

No, I took a bunch of these, like, flew to, like, to the jungle, to Iquitos and, like, to Pisco and, like, all these places in, like, little puddle jumpers, man. Yeah, I've been on some shady ones, for sure.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's crazy to think that you. That I thought the pop up here kills everybody.

[Tom Segura]

I tell you about the time when we. So my uncle in Peru set me up. He was like, do you want to go see the. You ever heard of the.

[Bert Kreischer]

The.

[Tom Segura]

They're called Lineas de Nasca, the lines of Nazca. If you put in the lines of Nazca, this is, like, a phenomena. They consider it. These are huge images that you can only see from the sky, right? So there's, like, this Is like, kind of like one of those things where they go, aliens did it.

[Bert Kreischer]

I thought they were jogging paths.

[Tom Segura]

Well, if you. If you're on the ground, you don't know that you're the. It's enormous, right? So you wouldn't know that you're standing on that if you were on the ground.

[Bert Kreischer]

You don't.

[Tom Segura]

You wouldn't know that that image is there. You can only see it from the sky, right? Because that's. To see that on the ground, you'd be like, oh, it's a. It's a line. But you wouldn't know the entire layout of it, right? So from the sky, you see this monkey and the spider or whatever, all these images. So he's like, you want to go see the lines? I go, yeah. And my dad is in Peru, right? So he. He. He's down there visiting me when I'm down there. And he's like, you want to come with? And he's like, yeah, I'd like to go see that. Yeah. Yeah, sure. So they get a police plane, which is like two pilots, and there's four seats in the back. I think there's a small plane. They confiscated it from cartel people. And they just, like, put, you know, police on the side. And these are. These are unbelievable, by the way. To see these. The best way to actually see them is in a chopper, because then you can, like, hover. But we're in this. This plane, and we go and we. We fly around. We're seeing them like that crazy bird. And because there's no. They don't actually have the explanation of, like, here's who did this? So people theorize that it could be, you know, however many thousands of years old. And, you know, like I said, aliens did it or ancient tribal people did it. All that being said, then my. We're flying back, and my dad's like, I need a pee. And I'm like, there's no bathroom on this plane. Well, I gotta go. I'm like, okay. So I have to, like, tap the military person's. The pilot's thing. I go, hey, my dad has to pee. And they're like, I'm sorry. I'm like, dad, didn't you go? He's like, I did go, but I gotta go again. You know, I'm like. I'm like, he's gotta pee. And they're like, you know, they're like, okay. So they just find, like, an airstrip, just like an abandoned airstrip somewhere. And we land, and my dad gets out with his khakis and loafers and just pisses on the side. And then he's about to get back on and they're like, hey, how about he grab one of those empty oil cans? Unless he has to since might have to pee again.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I was like, hey, dad, grab that empty oil can. He's like, all right. And then, you know, it gets back on. He goes, I mean.

[Bert Kreischer]

What do you mean? What are you doing?

[Tom Segura]

I gotta pee a. Man, this is humiliating.

[Bert Kreischer]

Do you know what I got for my birthday that I should enjoy with you? What is it? For Christmas I have a ride in a ghetto bird. Like, you know how you do ride alongs and cop cars? I gotta ride along in a helicopter. In a police helicopter.

[Tom Segura]

That's awesome.

[Bert Kreischer]

To follow like a high speed chase or some shit.

[Tom Segura]

That's awesome. You got that as a gift.

[Bert Kreischer]

As a gift. And I. From who from? I'm not going to say, but.

[Tom Segura]

But wait, you can purchase this.

[Bert Kreischer]

No, no, no. You got to, they, they got to allow it.

[Tom Segura]

Right?

[Bert Kreischer]

And it's just like a ride along. You can't just buy it. You get it. And so I, I get to take one person.

[Tom Segura]

Dude, take me.

[Bert Kreischer]

You would love it. I. I'm terrified. Do you know who flies? I get. Have you got your pilot's license yet? So do you know Bare. You remember Bare Naked Ladies? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's been one week since you looked at me. The lead singer, Ed, he flies. They're on tour right now and he flies city to city.

[Tom Segura]

It's crazy.

[Bert Kreischer]

It's. It's so cool.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

That he goes.

[Tom Segura]

I think it's the coolest too.

[Bert Kreischer]

He does the show, spends the night, wakes up, takes his plane, flies to the next city. He loves flying.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, clearly.

[Bert Kreischer]

You'D like that. That's a bare naked pilot. And he posts them. And it's. What's crazy is how much knowledge you have to have to be able to fly. He's like, we were supposed to go into tango, rally, nascar.

[Tom Segura]

He flies solo.

[Bert Kreischer]

He flies solo.

[Tom Segura]

That's awesome.

[Bert Kreischer]

He flies like everywhere, city to city.

[Tom Segura]

That's really cool.

[Bert Kreischer]

It seems like he's like, we went into Kappa Charlie Lango Tango. Like I can't even do the call letters.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, these are by the way, much like for danger stuff. Much safer than a chopper.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, these planes.

[Tom Segura]

Oh yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, yeah. I would never fly a helicopter. Yeah, I would never. I have no interest in flying a helicopter. I don't understand the, the draw to a helicopter.

[Tom Segura]

Well, the draw is accessibility.

[Bert Kreischer]

What do you mean?

[Tom Segura]

Like you can you can access so many more area. Like a plane. You got to keep going.

[Bert Kreischer]

Oh, you can just.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, you can just hover anywhere and. Yeah, you can. You don't need an air strip to. To get. You can just like, is there a parking lot there? Like I told you, I know two guys that in Austin who commute every day, seven days a week when they're in Austin only in their helicopters.

[Bert Kreischer]

Really?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, because the law in Austin is like, if it's private property and. And you allow it, then somebody can land there. So basically, like, if you were like, yeah, you can land in my yard, then I'd be like, I'm going to Burt's, and I could just fly and land in your backyard. And so these guys do that, and they go to the grocery store like this.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, they must live out, like, in. Out in the sticks a little.

[Tom Segura]

They live a little bit outside, but.

[Bert Kreischer]

It'S not that bad if you have a helicopter to fly you in.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, these guys are like. They're like, I go to dinner in it. I go to the gym. Like, the one guy told me, he goes. Which was hilarious. He's like, every time I go to the gym, there's somebody, like, some person is like, excuse me, you can't land a helicopter here. And he's like, actually, I can, because the. I got permission from. This is private property. And then that person complaining calls the police. And so, like, cops show up, and they're like, what's going on? And they're like, this just flew his helicopter here. And then the cops go. And they're like, yeah, he has permission. And then they're like, oh. He's like, it happens, like, every time.

[Bert Kreischer]

We were in a helicopter in Madison, Wisconsin, and we were. For trip flip. We flew in one every once a week. Yeah, for trip flip. And we're going. And we're going to land in the middle of a clearing and in the middle of the woods in a clearing. That's where we're going to land. And that's we're going to take off from. It's beautiful. And then instead of having to hike, you know, like, three miles into the. Into the forest, we're going to land three miles inside the forest in a clearing. And the pilot was. Had to be, like, 27. And he was like. He was like, all right, do me a favor. Look out the wind. Look out the side, see if I have enough clearance for the tail. And I look back and I go, I think so. And he's like, you think so? I go, yeah, I mean, I guess. And he goes, all right, I think, let's try it. And then my sound guy, John Sales goes, you, you don't, you don't. It's just. Let's just say you don't. I'd rather hike three miles and see if you have clearance for your tail. And we were like. I was like, yeah, good call. What am I doing? Going, yeah, yeah. I was like, wait, I'm not qualified to tell you if you have clearance for your tail.

[Tom Segura]

No, no, that's crazy that. He's like, you're good.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, tell me if I have enough clearance for my tail. And I'm like, I'm not the guy.

[Tom Segura]

When I did a lesson in one with a super experienced pilot, he was telling he had, I forget, 3,000 plus hours. He was like, oh, yeah. Last week I was in a different one and I. We landed in this one field and we were practicing, so we would land and then I would take off, come around and then approach to land. We kept doing it. He was like, yeah, I did this last week and I landed too hard and the tail rotor just snapped in half. I was like, God.

[Bert Kreischer]

So there's things that as a, as a dad of young boys, you just can't do because they're dangerous and you don't want to. Or do you just go? Because, like, I didn't have access to be able to take flying lessons or drive sports cars or drive a motorcycle or like, I had kids, but I was always. I never had the opportunity.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, I never felt like, oh my God, this is like. I didn't feel like this is so dangerous to do when I was doing it, you know, I. I personally, like, I'm not gonna do motorcycles, you know, it's just like, not. I don't have the desire though, either. I do feel like they're more dangerous. I mean, whatever, whatever. Are you gonna have one?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You did? Yeah. Well, that's right. You were riding one at the 5K. Yeah, but you did get one.

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah. No, we're not. I can't talk about it. Why? Harley. Keep going.

[Tom Segura]

She was a Harley.

[Bert Kreischer]

No, no. Yeah, I got a Harley coming. Okay, I have two options. I'm testing test driving two and then I get to pick one and you're.

[Tom Segura]

Going to go around in it?

[Bert Kreischer]

No, I'm going to save it for like fucking Sunday mornings at 5am when no one's out or fucking. You know, like when. On a holiday when the fucking. Or hope there's another pandemic and drive it along.

[Tom Segura]

Didn't you learn on the show?

[Bert Kreischer]

Yeah, I learned on trip Flip, and it was fucking. It's. It's such a crazy way to travel. I guess, ultimately, all of these are crazy ways to travel, and it's like, what's wrong with us that we can't just go? Like, I'll just get there. I don't know what's more dangerous. Fun, flying a helicopter or driving in an Uber with some guy that you don't know.

[Tom Segura]

Some of those guys. It feels like the most dangerous thing I've ever done.

[Bert Kreischer]

I'm not telling you the story about the screaming match I got into in my front yard with an Uber driver who talks sideways to Leanne. Really, buddy? It's. It's probably. I woke up. I'll tell you why I woke up depressed that I let myself let. I let go. Like I didn't have control over myself.

[Tom Segura]

You guys were in it together?

[Bert Kreischer]

No, no, he and I. I only. I don't. Like, I'm praying to God that video never gets released to this because it started at the airport. Started the airport.

[Tom Segura]

Wait, were you together, though?

[Bert Kreischer]

Me and Leanne and Kyle.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Bert Kreischer]

And the guy just was like, I'll do my own thing, you know? Like, he just was like. He was. He was just a dick. And I. You know, there's a certain way that I said that you are. I've hired you to do a job. I need you to do the job. I would like the way it done. And he wouldn't do it. And I waited for fucking 30 minutes for him, which is not 30 minutes for him.

[Tom Segura]

You mean to pick you up.

[Bert Kreischer]

To pick me up.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Bert Kreischer]

And then we didn't speak the whole ride. I didn't say a word and, like, berate him. I didn't say anything. I got really upset on the phone with him. Then when he came to get us, I just put my bags in. I just didn't say a word. Silent the whole ride. Got out of the car, grabbed my bag, walked inside. Should be done. I told Leanne, make sure to tip him. I feel bad for raising my voice on the phone with him. And then he said something sideways to Leanne, and I walked out to go, like, what's taking so long? I didn't know that he was, like, kind of told her off. Told her, tell me off. Have a man and tell me off. And Kyle just goes, buddy, do not go out there. And I went, what's going on? And Leanne's like, that motherfucker just told me off. And I went, what? And he was starting to leave, and they had just hit the gate. And again, I was like, get out of the fucking car. Get out of the fucking car. And I was, like, screaming at him, don't you. I was screaming. I lost my cool. I was like. So I told Kyle, I said, next time that happens, tackle me and just whisper in my ear, you can't fight. You don't know how to fight. You're going to lose this. But it's like. It's like rage overtakes you, and you're like. You're like, get the. Out of the car. Yeah. And then I woke up the next morning, and I was like, what did I do? Like, what? In my head, I was like, you know, what is that? Is it worth it to get into a fist fight with it? By the way, he was older. If he was in. Let's just say, if it was a black guy, I probably wouldn't have done it. But, like, yeah, he comes from one of those countries we're comfortable bombing, and we feel like there's no gonna be no rescue. And so I think it's from Iran. And so. And I was like, we're already in war with them. I'll just keep it going.

[Tom Segura]

Sure.

[Bert Kreischer]

And so I. But I was like, I. It's crazy when a flit, a switch flips in your brain. You have no control over it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

And I. And I've. And I'm so good at holding on to that switch my whole life. I am so good at towing the line. I'm good at going, everyone calm down. This is not worth it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

But, man.

[Tom Segura]

And there's certain times it just goes.

[Bert Kreischer]

He said something to Leanne, and what did he say? You. You dumb.

[Tom Segura]

No, he did not.

[Bert Kreischer]

And he goes, I. You. In my country. No, he did not chop your hands off.

[Tom Segura]

No.

[Bert Kreischer]

I don't know what he said. He said something like, leanne went to give him the tip, and he goes, no, no, no, no, no. And then she goes, no, I insist. I apologize, or whatever. And then he grabbed the tip, and then he looked at Kyle and he was like, she was the problem. She overreacted. You were not the problem. She was the. And Leanne didn't do anything. She didn't do anything. She was like, wait, I just tipped you. What the fuck? Why did I get thrown a stray?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

And then he was. And then he said something else, I guess, and Leanne got like, live it.

[Tom Segura]

Well, a lot of those guys are used to.

[Bert Kreischer]

They're not. Big fan of women.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's pretty cool.

[Bert Kreischer]

I've always enjoyed it when you talk about women in the car with them.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

You're like, man, that driver in front of us, Huh? I bet that's it. He was a woman. It's a woman. That's why we don't let them drive in our country.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Bert Kreischer]

You're like, oh, man. You should pull over and tell her off. We've got guest bears coming up. We've got a couple more episodes we're going to do. We've got guest bears with us, but we got our summer bear, Stavi and.

[Tom Segura]

Chrissy D. And thank you guys for watching and listening. I know you're going to Enjoy Stavi and DeStefano possibly more than us. Not even possibly for 100% more than us. Just know that it's temporary, so enjoy it while you have it.

[Bert Kreischer]

See you soon, Bert and Tom. Tom and Bert. One goes top while the other wears a shirt. Tom tell stories. Burt's the machine. There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean. Here's what we call two bears, one cave.