Who Killed JonBenét Ramsey? w/ Sam Morril | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Who Killed JonBenét Ramsey?" with Sam Morril | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Podcast Information:

• Title: 2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
• Host/Author: YMH Studios
• Episode: Who Killed JonBenét Ramsey? w/ Sam Morril
• Release Date: December 9, 2024
• Guest: Sam Morril

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Introduction and Guest Welcome [00:00 - 01:10]

The episode begins with Tom Segura promoting his upcoming "Come Together Tour" for 2025, highlighting various cities he will be performing in. Shortly after, host Sam Morril is introduced, joining Tom for the discussion.

Notable Quote:

• Tom Segura [00:00]: "Welcome to another episode of Two Bears One Cave."

Personal Anecdotes and Icebreaker [01:10 - 20:40]

Tom and Sam engage in lighthearted banter, sharing personal travel experiences, especially frustrations with flight delays and difficult passengers. They discuss various encounters with unruly individuals on flights, including a particularly memorable incident involving a drunk passenger.

Notable Quotes:

• Sam Morril [02:55]: "I don't like confrontation, but I was like, I got it. I feel like I have to do something."
• Tom Segura [03:01]: "There's a thrill to that."

They also reminisce about uncomfortable situations in public settings, such as a yoga class with a drill sergeant-like instructor and confrontations at museums.

Transition to Main Topic: JonBenét Ramsey Case [20:40 - 44:57]

The conversation shifts towards the JonBenét Ramsey case as Sam introduces his new podcast and recent projects. They delve into the complexities of the case, discussing various theories and the involvement of JonBenét's father.

Key Discussion Points:

• Review of Documentary: They reference a three-part documentary focusing on JonBenét Ramsey's case, critiquing the investigation's handling and the possible influence of external factors like the media.
• Theories on the Father's Involvement: Both express skepticism about the theory that JonBenét's father, John Markar Ramsey, was involved in her death. They explore contradictions in the case, such as the handling of DNA evidence and inconsistencies in the ransom note.
• Comparison to Other False Confessions: They draw parallels to other cases where individuals falsely confessed to crimes they did not commit, highlighting the unreliability of coerced confessions.

Notable Quotes:

• Sam Morril [21:59]: "I think the dad didn't do it, but they found all this weird stuff in there, right?"
• Tom Segura [24:08]: "Cause you were young and I was, you know, a kid when this happened. So I'm like, I don't remember any details of either story."

Analysis of Investigation Flaws [44:57 - 59:17]

Tom and Sam critique the investigative process in the JonBenét Ramsey case, emphasizing the lack of proper procedures and the mishandling of crucial evidence. They discuss the impact of external influences, such as media pressure, on the integrity of the investigation.

Key Points:

• Investigation Missteps: They highlight how authorities may have prematurely shut down leads or ignored viable suspects, potentially leading to wrongful accusations.
• Impact of Media: The duo discusses how media portrayal can bias public perception and influence the direction of investigations, often to the detriment of uncovering the truth.

Notable Quotes:

• Sam Morril [50:10]: "Because you have the same thing. I'm talking to Jim Norton about this all the time. Like, wow."
• Tom Segura [25:19]: "They push that guy out because he seemed to know what he was doing."

Broader Implications and Reflections [59:17 - 75:51]

The conversation broadens to reflect on the nature of justice systems and the psychological impacts of high-profile cases. They touch upon topics like public perception, law enforcement accountability, and personal responsibility.

Key Discussion Points:

• Justice System Critique: Both hosts express frustration with how the justice system handles complex cases, often leading to unresolved questions and public mistrust.
• Personal Responsibility: They discuss the importance of individuals taking responsibility for their actions rather than deflecting blame onto upbringing or external circumstances.
• Comedy and Coping: The hosts reflect on their experiences as comedians dealing with intense topics, using humor as a coping mechanism while acknowledging the seriousness of unresolved cases like JonBenét Ramsey's.

Notable Quotes:

• Sam Morril [63:47]: "This is like, old school showbiz. This feels like mob stuff."
• Tom Segura [44:37]: "I hate when people blame their upbringing on bad shit."

Closing Thoughts and Promotions [75:06 - 75:51]

As the episode wraps up, Tom and Sam briefly promote their respective projects and tours, encouraging listeners to attend their shows and check out their new ventures.

Notable Quote:

• Sam Morril [75:13]: "One goes topless while the other wears a shirt. Tom tells stories and Bert’s the Machine."

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Conclusion

In this episode of "2 Bears, 1 Cave," Tom Segura and Sam Morril navigate through personal anecdotes, confrontational experiences, and a deep dive into the controversial JonBenét Ramsey case. Their candid conversation highlights the complexities of high-profile investigations and the interplay between media influence and justice. Through humor and insightful commentary, they provide listeners with a multifaceted view of the issues surrounding the case, making the episode both engaging and thought-provoking.

Final Notable Quote:

• Tom Segura [75:32]: "That's a good tour. Thanks very much. We're gonna crack over some whiskey here in a little bit and get the day started right."

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Helpful Links and Promotions Mentioned:

• Sam Morril’s Errors Tour: Beginning in February 2025. Tickets available at samuel.com.
• Sam’s Podcast: "We Might Be Drunk" with Mark Norman.
• Bodega Cat Whiskey: Sam and Tom’s co-created whiskey brand.
• Tom Segura’s Come Together Tour: Tickets available at tomscurra.com.

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Disclaimer: This summary captures key discussions and notable quotes from the provided transcript, focusing on the main content while omitting advertisements and non-relevant sections.

Transcript

[Tom Segura]

What's up, everybody? It's Tom Segura. We're almost into the new year and I'll be bringing my come together tour to a bunch of more cities in 2025. January 18th, I'll be in Philadelphia. Haven't been there in while. January 24th, San Francisco. 25th January I'm in Reno. January 30th, I'm in Athens, Georgia. And January 31st, Savannah. February 1st I'll be in North Charleston. I can't wait to hit all these cities. Get your tickets [e-mail] tour and I will see you there 100%. Welcome to another episode of Two Bears One Cave. You can see my buddy's most recent hour, you've changed, which it premiered on Amazon prime in July on Amazon Prime. Or you can get tickets to see his new tour, the Errors Tour, beginning in early February, 2025. You can check out his popular podcast we Might be Drunk with Mark Norman. And of course, he's the co creator of Bodega Cat Whiskey. It's Sam Morrell, everybody. Let him hear it.

[Sam Morrell]

Thanks.

[Tom Segura]

It's quite an intro.

[Sam Morrell]

That was amazing.

[Tom Segura]

I got all the.

[Sam Morrell]

I can't follow that up, man.

[Tom Segura]

You're doing great. Oh, you're doing great, man. It's always good to see you.

[Sam Morrell]

You too.

[Tom Segura]

Thanks for coming in. Were you just. Did you come in from New York? Were you just in New York?

[Sam Morrell]

Yeah, late flight last night. Watched stream the Knicks on the flight. Big dub.

[Tom Segura]

God, you're a bit. You're a hardcore.

[Sam Morrell]

I'm a fan, dude.

[Tom Segura]

I love it.

[Sam Morrell]

Yeah. You like? I like a night flight.

[Tom Segura]

I'll take a night. Yeah. Yeah. I'll chill on a night flight.

[Sam Morrell]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And I like when they turn the cabin lights off and you don't have to deal with the asshole who leaves the shade open like during the day, which I always hate and loathe.

[Sam Morrell]

I hate that I've been flying. This is like my first flight in forever that wasn't delayed.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

And it was still delayed like 20 minutes. But that's like. I do.

[Tom Segura]

That's a win.

[Sam Morrell]

Now, we had a fucking incident coming back from. I did Miami improv a couple months ago with my buddy Gary Veter and we just. It's like a five hour delay. I'm the idiot who booked Miami during hurricane season. Yeah. So I deserved it. But with like a five hour delay. Two hours. We circle for two hours in the air.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God.

[Sam Morrell]

And there was this drunk lady on the flight, like just like screaming to her friend, everyone like, hated her. I was like, I hate this person. Whatever, it's one of those flights. And then they're like, hey, we're not landing. We're out of fuel. So we're landing Dulles, Virginia. So we're just like, it's been like a seven hour wow day. So we're like pissed. And then we're on the Runway and she's just like on the phone, drunk as shit. Everyone hates her. And Gary and I just look at each other like, what do we do? We just drive back. Like, this is crazy. And I could. And I was like, all right, fuck, let's drive back. So we get off the flight. And as I got off the flight, I loudly said to her, you know, it's very rude to talk that loudly on the phone. And she was like, I'm so sorry. And everyone, like, gave me like a thumbs up because I was like, I'm leaving anyway. I may as well take one for the team, you know. Dude, I took one for the team.

[Tom Segura]

Do you feel a little rise of panic as you're about to say it? Yeah, Yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

I don't like confrontation, but I was like, I got it. I feel like I have to do something.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, there's a. There's a thrill to that. This is not at all the same thing, but I remember one time I did. I did a yoga class with. With Bert. And we were in the class and the guy teaching it was like a hard nosed guy. Like a really, like a tough dude. Like, he's more like a drill sergeant, which felt weird for yoga.

[Sam Morrell]

Yeah. It's not the energy you want.

[Tom Segura]

It's not the energy you want. And then he goes, like, starts telling a story about his son, him and his son somewhere, and it just. It builds to nothing. Like, it literally. He was like. And then, you know, we went. And there was nobody there. All right. And switch poses. And it was just dead silent. There's like 30 people in class. And I just felt this like, kind of, you know, this like, momentum building inside of you. And I'm just laying in this position. I go, hey, man. And he's like, excuse me? I go, hey, is that story over? And he's like, what? I go, is the story over? He's like, yeah. I go, oh, it didn't really feel like it had an ending.

[Sam Morrell]

Oh, my God.

[Tom Segura]

And he was like, okay. And I was like, yeah, we tell stories, so I can help you with that. And he's like, okay, just switch into the net. Like, he just. Totally. Wow. But like, the new he knew. I mean, and then Bert was looking at me. He's like, what are you doing? I was like. I go. I just couldn't help it.

[Sam Morrell]

Was Bert laughing while you were doing it?

[Tom Segura]

I think he was scared. Yeah, he was scared. I heckled him. Yeah. I was like, the fuck was that?

[Sam Morrell]

That was. I mean, I do. I respect that.

[Tom Segura]

I've. I've seen the guy at the airport and this one always, like. Because sometimes you want to say something, but you're, you know, you're too intimidated to. Or you're like. It's just. It's the situation.

[Sam Morrell]

You weigh. Is it worth it?

[Tom Segura]

Is it worth it? You weigh it. Yeah. And there was, you know, line jumpers, like, people like. Or people distract. So, like, we're walking down the jet bridge and somebody's like, yeah. And. And there was this guy now, he was like, six, seven, and he was like 245, like a big. And this dude is behind me, and these. These people are, like, distracted, not moving. And he was like, eyes forward and walk forward, like. And we all were like, yeah, that's what I'd want to say, but I would never say it, you know, and every. And everybody got scared, and they just started walking in formation. But it was one of those things where, you know. Yeah, I wanted to say that to them, but I was like, I'm not going to fucking yell at these people. This guy was just like, go.

[Sam Morrell]

But usually guys that big are a little more, like. I don't want to say meek, but they know that with that power comes a responsibility to kind of behave even tempered.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Yeah. This guy was a hothead dude.

[Sam Morrell]

That scares me that there's a dude that big who's kind of, I'm going to say a bully, but I had.

[Tom Segura]

One that bullied me one time on a flight.

[Sam Morrell]

Really?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. And I was like. It had my stomach in knots. It was. I. I told the story before, but, like, I think about this sometimes where I clocked this guy at the gate. We were flying from Austin to Vegas, and I saw him at the gate and he was huge, like 6 6, 295 and. And like, muscular. And he was wearing shorts, flip flops, and like a sleeveless tee. So like a big. Who doesn't care, you know, and he had the shaved head and he just, you know, you just. It's one of those guys you notice. And when I got into the. On the plane, I have the aisle seat, and he goes, hey, could you mind sweat? You mind sitting at the window back there? So I can sit in the aisle. And I go, no, that's a fucking bold. Yeah. I go, I'm not.

[Sam Morrell]

That's not a cool request. You trade evenly.

[Tom Segura]

He's like, all right. So then he asked the guy behind me, and that guy's like, sure. So he goes, thanks, man. He goes, thank you for your help. Thanks for being helpful. And I'm like, oh, shit. So now this big fuck is sitting directly behind me, right? And he reaches in between us, so. Because the guy that moved is now to my left. And he goes, you're a good guy. You're a cool guy. And he starts tapping him and telling him that. And I'm like. I'm sitting here, like.

[Sam Morrell]

Like, I got.

[Tom Segura]

And this guy's behind me, and he's. And he. He. First thing he does, they. The flight attendants come around. Would you like something to drink? He's like, double jacking Coke. Oh, good. And I'm like, oh. And within seconds, he's like, excuse me, can I get one of these? And they're like, oh, I just gave you that. He goes, I'm 295. That's why I knew his weight. He's like, I'm 295. And I was like. And then. So they're. They're pumping him full of double Jack and Cokes. And then he starts getting more, like, you know, full of confidence.

[Sam Morrell]

Starts punching the seat.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. And he starts commanding the cabin. What do you got? We're gonna have a good time in Vegas. Yeah. We're gonna hit the tables.

[Sam Morrell]

You're going to Vegas, bro.

[Tom Segura]

And I'm sitting here the whole time like, this guy is so crazy. He's like. And he keeps bringing up the thing to the guys. Like, that was real nice of you. You're a helpful guy. And I was like. And then he starts talking about his NFL playing career.

[Sam Morrell]

Oh, shit. And I'm like, trey Lewis is behind you.

[Tom Segura]

My God. Shit. And he starts talking. Then he's like, yeah, yeah. I got real suicidal that year. I just wanted to kill myself. And I was like, this guy.

[Sam Morrell]

Can we go back to that year?

[Tom Segura]

I was like, fuck, this dude's gonna do something erratic on this flight. And I just remember, like, my stomach was just, like, literally in knots because I was like, what is this guy just at.

[Sam Morrell]

You ruined your flight.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, it. It did. Just because I was like, no, I'm not moving, dude.

[Sam Morrell]

That sucks. I. I've told this one before, too, but this is Gary Veer, who I tour with. Like, he's. You Know my. Like, we were open micros together. We go back like that. And we were leaving Columbus, Ohio once. And as we're leaving, there was a woman just berating the TSA agent at like, I don't know, 8:00am so we're like, it's kind of up. Clearly, she was just trying to help. And this woman, just killing her. She's got two kids with her. She sucks. And Gary and I are like, at a certain point we should step in, right? There's been like, two minutes of her yelling at a person. And then I was like, hey, lady, like, enough. You know, she gets it. And she turned like, this has nothing to do with you guys. And I was like, I mean, you're holding up the line, so it kind of does affect us now. And then Gary kind of stepped and he goes, yeah, lady, you're a nobody. And that's when I was like, I fucking love Gary, you know? And. And she looks at Gary and she goes, well, you're short. Oh, he's like, five, six.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

And Gary goes, you should see me with my shirt off. And I was like, dude, what are you doing? We're professional comedians. We had her. And you're like, what are you doing? And we were. It like, woke us up like a jolt of coffee. But, like, it's like, how hard can we go in front of her kids? But we were like, we hate this person.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

But then she went through, like, angry, and. And the lady, like, gave us, like, a nod. We're like, all right.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

It's like, what's the socially acceptable thing? How far can you take it? Like, because I have the same thing. I talked to Jim Norton about this all the time. Like, wow. Because Jim loves these stories.

[Tom Segura]

Of course.

[Sam Morrell]

Luis Gomez loves these stories. Like, New York is a kind of, like, confrontational city.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

I feel like you kind of have to. But it's like, kind of friendly too, because you live on top of each other. You kind of have to be like, what the fuck? And they're like, you've seen these.

[Tom Segura]

I'm sure you've seen these. At least accounts, when you're scrolling, of guys who are standing on whatever street and they go, hey, how's it going? Like, what do you do? Or like, I like your outfitter.

[Sam Morrell]

I hate these guys.

[Tom Segura]

And there's this, like, one clip that went viral and all the comments were like, that's a New Yorker. Where this guy's.

[Sam Morrell]

Oh. He goes, fuck you.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. He's like, shut. Get the fuck out of my way. And Everybody, this is the best New Yorker. This is a New Yorker.

[Sam Morrell]

It makes me so mad. They'll just go up to celebrities and stuff and be like, hey, what's up? And it's like, the dude just trying to have a coffee dude. I also hate the guys who are like, how did you accumulate your wealth?

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

Because it's always a dude who's like, you know, I got lucky. I got right place at the right time. I just want someone to be like, hear a guy, be like, I liquidated like three companies and I ruined a bunch of lives. And that's why I had this cool car. You know, it's pretty great.

[Tom Segura]

What you can do is you can undercut your competition and then, yeah, you can just bankrupt people and you make money. It's pretty cool.

[Sam Morrell]

There's something so inappropriate. You're just walking up and recording people.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

Like, it's insane.

[Tom Segura]

It's insane. Hey, a real quick question. How did you. Yeah. How did you achieve all your goals? And people are like, what? I'm going to breakfast right now.

[Sam Morrell]

I know.

[Tom Segura]

What are you wearing?

[Sam Morrell]

And they're like going up to homeless people. How did it all fall apart?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

Where do things go south for you?

[C]

It's.

[Sam Morrell]

You're doing the same thing, essentially doing the same. Pretty.

[Tom Segura]

And then they're like, summarize everything for me. Like, what. What are the keys? Someone who's like 65, who's been working. They're like, how do. How do I become successful over the last 40 years? I mean, to tell you right now, in 15 seconds. It's a bizarre thing to ask.

[Sam Morrell]

That's what young. I think they just want a cheat code book, right?

[Tom Segura]

Tell me real quick. Yeah, tell me real quick.

[Sam Morrell]

There is something. I don't know, man. There's something lost with, like. I know we're just telling stories about how we had confrontations. We're like, man, people don't behave in public. I'm literally thinking of an incident I had in Amsterdam too. I'm like, I guess I do lose it. But there is something, I don't know, satisfying. If you're mistreated, you do. It's all about control. You want that upper hand back.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

Like, I got basically thrown out of the Van Gogh Museum in Amsterdam.

[Tom Segura]

You did?

[Sam Morrell]

Yeah, it was. I mean, I'd already paid and gone and. Seed it. Seed it. God, I'm a fucking idiot. I should kill myself. I just say I seed the. What am I, a three year old with a coloring book? I hate myself.

[Tom Segura]

What did you seed There.

[Sam Morrell]

I seed some art. Yeah, I saw. It was cool art. God, no, we saw the exhibit and it was. It's amazing. It's so cool. It's like the. You know, it was right before I got turned away from the Anne Frank exhibit. So. That's a hard ticket, by the way.

[Tom Segura]

Is it?

[Sam Morrell]

It's a hard ticket. They don't let you in, you know.

[Tom Segura]

What'D she really do?

[Sam Morrell]

And she didn't do much. Yeah, she didn't do much.

[Tom Segura]

She was just up there fucking journaling.

[C]

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[Tom Segura]

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[C]

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[Tom Segura]

How do you get tossed from the Van Gogh?

[Sam Morrell]

We'd already seed the exhibit and after we saw it, it's like torrential downpour. So I'm just waiting for an Uber and it's taking forever because there's so much traffic, narrow roads and we're just waiting in the little doorway and this guy walks up to us, he goes, you gotta wait outside. And I'm like, oh, we're just gonna be a minute waiting for the car. It's rain so hard. And he was just like, I don't care. You can't just, like, wait here. And we're bothering no one. I was like, come on, man. Like it. We're just going to be, like, a minute. And he goes, okay. And he walks away. He gets another security guard to get rid of us. And I was like, what are you doing? And I. I shouldn't have done this, but I sound like a dick here, but he was throwing us into the rain. We're about to get soaked. So I was like, I'm going to get a you in there, too. So I was like. I go, well, you're a. And he was really short. I did what the lady did to Gary. I'm aware of how shitty this is. And he was like. He goes, bye, bye. And we're in the rain, and we're just getting soaked, and we're looking at him, and he just starts waving, and I. And I got nothing. All I could hit him back with is, you're so little.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that's pretty good.

[Sam Morrell]

That's all I had, though.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

But I got soaked. So he did win.

[Tom Segura]

He did win, but he didn't forget that either.

[Sam Morrell]

He didn't forget. It hurt.

[Tom Segura]

It definitely hurt.

[Sam Morrell]

He was. One day, he'll date a woman who's like. If you just like, 2 inches taller and be like that and you're tall.

[Tom Segura]

So it hurt.

[Sam Morrell]

That's all I had on him.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

He was in the power position. He tossed me.

[Tom Segura]

It's so crazy. Like. So did they physically escort you out or they.

[Sam Morrell]

They intimidated. They intimidated me.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

Like the Nazis.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

Around.

[Tom Segura]

You're like, Real good reputation I'm living here with. I'm taking the story back.

[Sam Morrell]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

That's.

[Sam Morrell]

I'm gonna journal about it. I'm gonna sell it. Yeah. No, it's pretty rough.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. I don't know. Disrespect also, that's when. If somebody disrespects you in public, like.

[Sam Morrell]

Yeah. I was in front of my girlfriend, too. What do you want me to do?

[Tom Segura]

Just take it, man. Come on.

[Sam Morrell]

She was laughing. I was like, all right, I'll.

[Tom Segura]

You know, it helps to have somebody with you.

[Sam Morrell]

It's hard to do without an audience because then you're just like. You're like. I got embarrassed alone.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

You know.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. I'm trying to, like.

[Sam Morrell]

But he threw out other people, too, and they hated him, too. So I was like, all right.

[Tom Segura]

He wouldn't let people wait in the lobby.

[Sam Morrell]

I know, dude. It was like. We were. It Was way in the.

[Tom Segura]

It was crazy because it feels like if the superiors, like the people that run that place would have been like, what are you doing to people?

[Sam Morrell]

And they're never. By the way, this is our reputation around the world. They're never surprised that the rude person is an American.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

They're like, of course. You know, but in the New York accent. Doesn't help me. It's like they know.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. I think I would have been furious too though, dude.

[Sam Morrell]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

You want to do in a museum though. It's like a dignified.

[Tom Segura]

I know, I know. I've lost my shit at some people at the museum. I don't think at the museum. I'm actually trying to black out the rage that I've encountered.

[Sam Morrell]

Kind of fun to revisit some of this shit.

[Tom Segura]

No, we did this recently and I was like, oh, fuck. It's just. It make you. Because you realize how bad you feel when it's happening.

[Sam Morrell]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

When you're that enraged by somebody.

[Sam Morrell]

I did feel bad about it one.

[Tom Segura]

Time I. I checked out of a hotel because I thought I was going to kill the one of the servers there. I checked out immediately. Yeah. I sat down. He was. He was young, kind of rude. And when he delivered my lunch, he dropped it.

[Sam Morrell]

Oh, nice.

[Tom Segura]

And he turned and I stood up and I started to follow him and I realized I was going to follow him into this back room and instead I just went right up to my room and grabbed my bags and checked out of the hotel.

[Sam Morrell]

Dude, if you ended up being a killer, Netflix would have it made because you already got all those standup specials.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

You bang out some cigar and then it's just the next. If you like this. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Check out this three part series. Yeah. Did you watch JonBenet?

[Sam Morrell]

I did.

[Tom Segura]

So you think.

[Sam Morrell]

Do you think the dad did it or do you think innocent?

[Tom Segura]

Well, I just finished episode two. One thing that's always funny to me when you watch it because I was watching like Menendez stuff too.

[Sam Morrell]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Was like, you recall the story in a broad way. Right. And then when you get into these docks, you're like, oh. Cause you. We were young and I was, you know, a kid when this happened. So I'm like, I don't remember any details of either story. And so you're watching it. I mean there's. Here's the. It's almost like the perfect. Well, this is impossible to figure out scenario at least through two. Which is of course it's crazy like the body in the house and these things. But Then like the DNA being withheld and the way that the police were clearly trying to. Well, we're feeding this stuff to the media to shape it so that they looked like killers, which is, you know, you always go like, oh, man, this is.

[Sam Morrell]

Can you imagine that dad already lost a daughter.

[Tom Segura]

It's.

[Sam Morrell]

He already lost a daughter. His wife dies at 49 of ovarian cancer.

[Tom Segura]

And then they're. And then they keep implying maybe the other. Maybe the car accident daughter was abused by him too. It's like all this, like, it's like the staircase.

[Sam Morrell]

Remember that one? That one was tough, though. It's like, that's a little too. I think he did it.

[Tom Segura]

You do think the dad did?

[Sam Morrell]

Yeah, but no, not the JonBenet dad. I don't think he did it.

[Tom Segura]

What do you think happened? What's your theory?

[Sam Morrell]

I don't know. But that guy, what's his name? Is it Mark something? Car. You know what I'm talking about? I don't know the guy who, who claimed he did it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

I don't. He. Then he was released. John Markar. Sorry. Yeah, he. Yeah, he confessed. It's sick. I mean, imagine confessing to this shit and not even doing it. Yeah, I mean, that's like. So you just want that level of attention.

[Tom Segura]

There's a few killers that have done that, but they're usually like, like the one who had like the most prolific body count ever. And he was a low IQ individual. And so like sheriffs.

[Sam Morrell]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Would be like, we have this unsolved, you know, murder in Louisiana. He's like, yeah, I did that. And they're like, great. And so it would let them just close cases and they just kind of kept doing it and they attributed like 150 murders.

[Sam Morrell]

Well, you look like you're the man.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

Detective. You're like, we did another one, dude.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Henry Lee Lucas. He was the one. Yeah, he was a. Yeah. He could Look. Confess to 600 murders. Sorry. And.

[Sam Morrell]

Yeah, that's a bit high. He's like the Wilt Chamberlain. He's inflating his numbers just to sound cool.

[Tom Segura]

He's quite like. Yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And there was another guy. There was a Texas guy. What was his name? Tommy Lynn Sells maybe. Who also, he. He confessed to more like they. He definitely murdered people. But they realized that he was. He was confessing. Yeah. He was confessing to a lot more crimes than he was kind of capable of. Yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

Because then you're like, they maybe did a couple. But he got.

[Tom Segura]

See, he claimed 70 victims.

[Sam Morrell]

It's a lot. He only did like 20 cops, like, you fucking loser.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

You killed like, three people.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

I don't know, man. It's. I think the dad didn't do it, but they found all this weird stuff in there, right? They found the, like, the rough draft of the ransom note.

[Tom Segura]

That's kind of weird.

[Sam Morrell]

Which is so sad that you're like, you needed to. He's like, working out a fucking ransom.

[Tom Segura]

And the figure, the 118. So bizarre, right?

[Sam Morrell]

Weird number. Yeah. That's what's weird is like, that sounds.

[Tom Segura]

Like one of the new crazier aspect to me was the fact that you have this. Because, you know, I first didn't. I didn't think about some of these things, like, before the pandemic, which was like, how you think the powers that be get it, like, know how to handle things. In other words, like, something catastrophic happens, like a. Like a pandemic. You're like, well, this is the United States government. Like, they'll.

[Sam Morrell]

They'll figure it out.

[Tom Segura]

And then. So my analysis or comparison for this is like, oh, there's a homicide, you know, in a city like Boulder. It's not like a tiny little town. And then, like, they don't have homicides. I know they're like, we're sending a narcotics detective, I think was the only.

[Sam Morrell]

One that year, they said.

[Tom Segura]

The only one.

[Sam Morrell]

They don't know what the fuck they're doing. They have to bring in people from Colorado Springs.

[Tom Segura]

They don't know what they're doing. Yeah, exactly. And so. And then you start learning. You're watching this investigation. You're like, oh. They were just like, I don't know. I think we should do this. And like, they're not investigating it correctly.

[Sam Morrell]

And they push that guy out. The guy lose something. Lou Witt or whatever. They pushed him out because he seemed to know what he was doing. He was like, no, I don't know. But that's. If that dad is innocent. Holy shit. That guy's had a horrible life.

[Tom Segura]

Horrible. Horrible.

[Sam Morrell]

Really? Can I say this? What the fuck are you doing parading your daughter around in these pageants? It's. It's really gross to me.

[Tom Segura]

It's very weird.

[Sam Morrell]

It's worse than child acting.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, you.

[Sam Morrell]

You're inviting. It's also amazing that all these people are allowed in as just a solo person. Like, I'm just going to watch. They don't. They don't want you in a park.

[Tom Segura]

It's so crazy because I know it's like one. It's one of the themes of the documentary is that this little kid has like a. There's like, they're sexualizing this child with like the performance and just the way that she's dressed and acting. And it. There is something. You don't just say that and go, this person's a murderer. Right. Or an abuser. But it's peculiar and unnatural because like as somebody with small kids, the last thing you want in your kids lives in any way is just like anything sexual in nature. You know what I mean? Like whether, like the way they. You don't, you don't encourage that type of like dancing or that type of posing or that. It's just bizarre.

[Sam Morrell]

Oh, I mean, it's probably like a steak dinner. You're like, she's got makeup on. Yeah. It's crazy. This is crazy.

[Tom Segura]

It's so crazy. Why, like, why you parade around like that? It's. I don't know. But like that also. That doesn't make you a murderer. I mean, you know, it's just. But the whole thing is because I remember like when, when I heard this doc was coming out, I go, oh yeah. I go, whoever went to jail for that?

[Sam Morrell]

Yeah, same. You forget.

[Tom Segura]

You forget because it happened.

[Sam Morrell]

Didn't happen right after 9 11.

[Tom Segura]

I think it was before then, wasn't it?

[Sam Morrell]

Or maybe it was something. Maybe there was like a ruling. 1996. 96, okay. But wasn't there a ruling like 10 days after?

[Tom Segura]

I think after 9 11, I think so about this.

[Sam Morrell]

I think so. There was like a ruling 10 days after and I think it got swept. There was something related to this that happened around 9 11. Such.

[Tom Segura]

But like another thing about the story is.

[Sam Morrell]

But both went unsolved when.

[Tom Segura]

When they're talking about the Aaron Rodgers right there.

[Sam Morrell]

Do we really know what happened? I don't know. Coming soon to Netflix.

[Tom Segura]

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[C]

When I started podcasting, an online store was the furthest thing from my mind. Now I'm selling shirts, I'm selling hoodies. Dude, I'm selling candles and ornaments. And it is so easy because we use Shopify. I say we because Leanne was the one to tell me first. Shopify is the global commerce platform that helps you sell at every step of your business. I remember when she shared this with me, she told me, and this is the truth, Shopify helps you sell everywhere from their all in one e commerce platform to their in person POS system, wherever. Whatever you're selling, Shopify has got you covered. And it's had us covered for. God, I couldn't even tell you how long it's been. So long, I can't remember. Because businesses that grow, grow with Shopify. I'm telling you, when I say this, the thing they do, and this is. I know they've said this in other reads, but this is they turn browsers into buyers. That is the key to Shopify. They're turning browsers into buyers. Someone that's online and looking and liking. All of a sudden, purchase your thing, sign up for a $1 per month trial period at shopify.com bears all over case. Go to shopify.com bears now to grow your business no matter what stage you're in. Shopify.com bears when you're talking about this.

[Tom Segura]

Dad being like this possible abuse. And then he interviewed. They interviewed the other kids, the adult kids, and they're like, he's a great dad. Like you. You think that, like, he just had this moment where he was this horrifically abusive guy. It just doesn't add up, man.

[Sam Morrell]

Yeah, it made me feel very sad for him. I mean, that is. And the brother too, who's like, that's a pretty. You're going to know that name. Burke Ramsey.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

And then people just. I forgot what publication said he did it, but it's on Reddit. So you go on Reddit, it's like, it's all there. I figured it. Some guy's like, I figured it out, dude. These Reddit detectives and he won some lawsuit. They didn't say what the money was.

[Tom Segura]

But he did win one.

[Sam Morrell]

Yeah. Who knows?

[Tom Segura]

Oh, man.

[Sam Morrell]

But what, what does that money give you? You're, you're dead inside. I mean, from all that, it's, it's awful.

[Tom Segura]

Horrific. Yeah, it's a, Are you going to.

[Sam Morrell]

Watch the Rogers one?

[Tom Segura]

I don't know. Maybe. I, I, I tend to watch any doc thing about football. I just always interested in it in some way. I like, I like the behind the scenes stuff of that of like, I'm with you.

[Sam Morrell]

But he just bugs me so much. As a New Yorker at this point, I'm not even a Jets fan, but I'm just angry on behalf of my jets fan friends because he just kind of, he came in like, we're gonna do this and it's not his fault he got injured.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

But then like he kind of kept the smug going for the whole like, once I'm back, dude.

[Tom Segura]

Yep.

[Sam Morrell]

And then he fucking disappointed everyone again. And now he's doing worse than like last year's rookie second year qb, that blond kid, Zach Wilson. He's doing worse than him. I mean, I don't know when this comes out, maybe he'll, he'll pick it up a little. But yeah, it looks bad because this.

[Tom Segura]

Is, his contract's up. Right. So.

[Sam Morrell]

Yeah. And he seems like he wants out.

[Tom Segura]

He does want like an abusive boyfriend.

[Sam Morrell]

That just like ruins your life. Like, I'm going to see someone else now.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

He's just like, it just bugs me like the hang it up.

[Tom Segura]

He's got to hang it out. Right.

[Sam Morrell]

I think he still wants to play. You're the last one to know that you don't have it anymore. He's a Hall of Famer. He's amazing, just amazing player. But like all this like self searching shit. I don't want to hear that from iqb. I just want to see you in the weight room. I don't want to know you have a Sherpa.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

It's like ridiculous. And I was trashing him because I was, you know, I'm angry just watching on behalf of my New York friends because jets fans have suffered. I'm a Giants fan, by the way. We're not good either. But just on behalf of my jets fan friends, I'm just like, what are you doing to them? You're just torturing them.

[Tom Segura]

Torturing them.

[Sam Morrell]

And, and the fact that he just, he threw one of his wide receivers under the bus in that interview. He's like, you ran the wrong route. It's like you don't, you know if you're a comic.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

You're not like, why? I Have a bad set. The guy who opened for me sucked. That's why. It's like, you're doing the same thing. You're throwing your guy under the bus. So I don't like that. And then did he do that? He said, yeah, one of the guys, I guess, ran the wrong route. He blamed an interception on that. And I don't know. And I was trashing and I got all these like, well, you. I bet you can't throw a football. It's like, so I can't critique a football player. I'm not saying, like. I'm just saying he's playing badly. I'm not getting, like, the minutia of why, sure, if I'm on a flight that's going down, I can't fly a plane. I'm not going to be like, well, I can't speak because I'm not a pilot. Because I'm not a pilot.

[Tom Segura]

I don't have my hours yet. Yeah, yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

So it just all bugs me, like, who's defending him at this point? Like, of course, the hall of Famer. He's a beast. Yeah. In his prime. But, you know, 40 is old in football. Not everyone's going to be LeBron.

[Tom Segura]

40 is. I know Aaron Rodgers.

[Sam Morrell]

Like, I read. I'm like, cool. That's not translating to anything on the, like, LeBron. Ever seen LeBron with a book? He's always on the first page.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, I've seen that.

[Sam Morrell]

Like, never finishes a book.

[Tom Segura]

He's always like, it just maybe reading is your kryptonite. Think less this guy. The older you get to, the more you look at LeBron and go, what the fuck is going on?

[Sam Morrell]

It's so crazy because he's kind of like. He's gotten a little worse. He doesn't play defense like he used to, obviously, but he's still pretty good.

[Tom Segura]

He's still, like, physically.

[Sam Morrell]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

So imposing. He still has quickness, explosiveness.

[Sam Morrell]

The Olympics were sick.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, the Olympics were crazy.

[Sam Morrell]

It also made me realize how France is gaining on America, because they look pretty good, too.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, well, it's become. I mean, it's more global sport every year. It's gonna, like, it should even out. It makes sense that people. And also there's that thing that. We've known this for a long time. If you follow basketball in any way. But teams that. A lot of the international teams play together all the time, where, you know, I mean, like, our. Our team will be assembled for two weeks.

[Sam Morrell]

It really is the Avengers.

[Tom Segura]

And then the. That international team, like, that's They're. They're that squad for two years. Yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

It's like Wakanda. They've been together. You know, we're just like, coming in, like, we, you know, here we go. Yeah, we're just gonna figure it out. But when you have Steph Curry and Durant, they can kind of just fit anywhere.

[Tom Segura]

It's true. But like, that. That, like, rhythm that teams that know each other play with is something beautiful. It's really nice because they probably would.

[Sam Morrell]

You know, 8 and 10 doing this.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

It's kind of cool.

[Tom Segura]

It's cool to watch. Yeah. But he is un. Like, as a physical specimen, the way that this guy, his body is to get. The way that he is able to take care of himself and perform at a. As a 40 year old, it's insane.

[Sam Morrell]

I remember when Donald Sterling, when they were saying, you know, the old Clippers owner who got fired for that tape for being, you know, racist and whatever and did a lot of bad stuff in housing, too. That was racist. But he would, like, go to the locker room and, like, feel players, like, look at their muscles, like they were racehorses. Yeah, man. This guy. Something's wrong with this guy. But, like, I do feel like if I met LeBron, I'd be like, holy shit. You know, that might come out of me.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Like, look at your shoulders. Jesus. It. It. I mean. Yeah. Like, Sterling, they. He said the players were like. He would give tours to people, too. That makes it even weirder. So he would have guests at the game, take them to the locker room, be like, look at this one. Look at this guy. And like, they. They would just, like, eyeball him. And the players just like, sitting there like, hi. And then he would just kind of like, look at them like they were, you know, like a racehorse or a piece of art. And then they would move on to the next gay dude or a gay guy.

[Sam Morrell]

I went to a basketball game with Matteo Lane, and we're. We're watching Mateo's. It's like watching with a woman.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

Because he's just like. He doesn't know anything about it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

And he's just like, that guy's hot. You know, he'd be like, dude, Josh hardest. He's, like, really hot. And I'm like, however I can get you into basketball.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

Because he's my neighbor. I love Mateo, so hope I can get him in. But, like, he's just admiring, like, who's the most ripped and stuff.

[Tom Segura]

Look at that guy's quads. But actually, I. I think that too.

[Sam Morrell]

I do, too. Dude, that kid, Jared McCain, the one who's doing all the Tiktoks?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

On the Sixers.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know.

[Sam Morrell]

He's like the new kid. He's playing out of his mind. He's like an 18th pick or something. He does all these.

[Tom Segura]

Have you seen this? Yes. Yes, yes.

[Sam Morrell]

Oh, dude. He'll be like, lip syncing Green Day. Or he might actually be singing. I don't know if you have. It's really funny. But it's also funny that, like, you know, like, now Shane Gillis is obsessed with. He's texting me. He's like, I love this dude.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

But it's not what Philly's used to. Yeah. I mean, this is two days into.

[Tom Segura]

College, and I am three lectures behind. There's this guy. Let's name him Colin. He said he wants to be mine, but he doesn't really sit with me quite right because he doesn't really like.

[Sam Morrell]

The things I like.

[Tom Segura]

And I keep. Accident.

[Sam Morrell]

I mean, this is gonna make Philly more tolerant.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

Old guys who are like, all right. I. I don't know. I kind of. If he puts the ball in the hoop, I'm cool with it.

[Tom Segura]

It's like the old racist guy whose daughter has a kid with a black eye, and then when he meets his granddaughter, he's like, I guess they're all right.

[Sam Morrell]

But this is, like, two things for that dude to overcome, because this is. This is, you know, racial and possibly homophobia.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

Which is great.

[Tom Segura]

And he's a baller.

[Sam Morrell]

Oh, dude, he's awesome. And when you were saying quads, I'm like, this dude has insane legs.

[Tom Segura]

Dude. I just got back from Florida and was on vacation there with the fam, you know, for like a week. Every day I went to the beach or the pool, and the only thing I point out to, like, friends, family, whatever, are just other guys. I'm like, look at this guy.

[Sam Morrell]

Look.

[Tom Segura]

This guy's physique. And everyone's like, what? I go, look at his face, chest.

[Sam Morrell]

I think that's part of getting older. Is it because we're not as horny?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

But we're impressed. Like, we're like, holy. That's, like, hard.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Maybe that's what it is, right? Yeah. It's like full admiration. I'm like. And I was stopping guy. Like, they were like, you're not. I'm going to stop this guy.

[Sam Morrell]

So you say, what do you do?

[Tom Segura]

I go, hey, man, you swim all the time. He's like, what? Oh, yeah. I swim. I go, is that it? Because your chest is crazy. And he's like, yeah, just swim, man. I'm like, unbelievable. You look great.

[Sam Morrell]

Some. Some dude's going to be like, dude, the dude from Two Bears hit on me. Yeah, that's why it's called Two Bears. I think they're gay.

[Tom Segura]

He tried to me. I mean, that's all I wanted. I was pointing them out. And then.

[Sam Morrell]

Same thing, though. I'll see dudes at the gym. And I'm like, how the is? I don't ask, but I'm like, how the is he? So ripped.

[Tom Segura]

Christina goes, hey, that one guy you were admiring, she goes, turns out he's a firefighter. I go, ah, makes sense.

[Sam Morrell]

You just light your hotel on fire, you hope he shows up. I want to see this dude again.

[Tom Segura]

Dude, carry me out of here, man. I want to see what it feels like. Pull me out of the window over your shoulder.

[Sam Morrell]

Dude, I, I know what you mean. A lot of it's not natural, though. A lot of those dudes, you're like, how the hell is he? A lot of it is like some sort of performance. And that's what I tell myself.

[Tom Segura]

Well, you can like, you see, because like, if you're online all the time looking at stuff, there's just nothing but, you know, juiced up lunatics on there who are like, yeah, fucking broccoli and chicken. You're like, shut up.

[Sam Morrell]

I know I'm used minds.

[Tom Segura]

And then there's well known celebrities who are juiced out of their minds.

[Sam Morrell]

If you're in a Marvel movie, that shit ain't natural.

[Tom Segura]

Not at all.

[Sam Morrell]

They may as well hand you the needle.

[Tom Segura]

They're all geared up even. There's a few too. That. Because sometimes there's guys who have like, let's say a naturally lean build. So you go, oh, that's possible. They're juiced up, dude. I, even though I, I know a couple who. I was like, oh, I guess this might be possible. And then I asked the person and they were like, oh, no, he was, he was on everything. They're all, they're all on it. But that.

[Sam Morrell]

Is that safe or not safe?

[Tom Segura]

It's not safe, but it's probably. It's not as dangerous to do if you're like, I'm doing it for these three months as opposed to like, I do this year round all the time, so. Because some of them will just do it for the filming and then they're done. Right.

[Sam Morrell]

But what about like an RFK? Because whatever he's on ain't natural. He's 70 and he looks like an avenger. How is that? That can't be good.

[Tom Segura]

No. I don't know. I don't know what he's on, but he's going to be in charge of health now, so maybe he'll get us on it too. That cabinet's going to be fucking.

[Sam Morrell]

It's going to be interesting, fun. Linda McMahon. I've always said she should play a role in education. Wrestling's made me so much more intelligent.

[Tom Segura]

It is kind of. It does feel like a reality show when they pick people for, like, for gigs in the house. Like you're going to be in charge of, of cooking, you know, it's like they're just like, he's just like, I like this guy. You're in charge of the defense.

[Sam Morrell]

That's. That's all it is.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

Trump was in wrestling, so he's like, Linda was cool. She stood by. It's all loyalty and she stood by Vince. So he's like, she's good, she's solid. And then, yeah, Matt Gaetz dipped so quickly.

[Tom Segura]

That was crazy. So fast. That Vince sex story stuff was nuts in the document. Well, I was watching the doc, but coincidentally, like, whatever, it was a month or so prior, maybe it was a few months before I read the story about this girl, the girl, I guess the girl that sued him. And you know, you're like, oh, it's like man in power sex stuff, blah, blah, blah. And then it's like he shit on my head and. And like left and wanted the shit to stay there and dripping off. I'm like, what?

[Sam Morrell]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And then he would, like, he would send her. She. I mean, this is, this is the accusation that he'd be like, go over to that guy's room and fuck him. I want you to be like a cum filled whore.

[Sam Morrell]

She would have to like. And by the way, this all sounds like you could hear it in his voice.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

I've seen enough wrestling where I'm like. I could see Vince saying, that is gnarly though.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

He's not a good man.

[Tom Segura]

Pretty crazy.

[Sam Morrell]

He's a bad dude. And also, I mean, look what he did to his kid. Look what he put Shane through.

[Tom Segura]

What did he put him? I don't know.

[Sam Morrell]

I mean, did you see that doc on Netflix?

[Tom Segura]

I probably missed.

[Sam Morrell]

It's pretty amazing. I mean, all my, I don't know, wrestling like, like Mike Lawrence is my good buddy and Mike's like, they didn't go hard enough. Like, oh, they left out all the crazy shit, really. He's like connected to murders and stuff. Vince and he's. There was like, Jimmy supervised Nooka. Pretty clearly murdered someone. I think Vince helped him get out of it. And. And I mean, Shane, I mean, there's like a billionaire's son jumping off a steel cage 30ft. He could have been paralyzed.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

And this is the only time his dad hugs him.

[Tom Segura]

It's like.

[Sam Morrell]

It's when he jumps off a cage and nearly dies. It's like. It's like trailer trash succession or something. Yeah, well, I mean, he kind of just like pushed him out and gave it to his daughter. Was tougher, they say. I think the son is like a nicer guy and the daughter's a little more like him.

[Tom Segura]

I saw the part of the doc, I guess. I don't think I finished it. Where he was. I saw him talking about his dad and he was like, yeah, my dad never said I love you. Except for, like, when I took the business to like, the next level and he was about to die or something like that.

[Sam Morrell]

Yeah, but you don't have to be exactly like, you're withholding and probably abusive dad. Yeah, my dad walked out when I was a baby. If I have a kid, I'm not gonna be like, shit, I guess this is in my DNA.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I gotta leave.

[Sam Morrell]

Fuck. I'll be right back.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that was. It was.

[Sam Morrell]

I hate when people blame their upbringing on bad shit. They do. I find it to be like, oh, so you did zero work on yourself?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, well, that's part of it, right? Like a lack of awareness and wanting to do better.

[Sam Morrell]

Yeah, but he just poured it all. I think it was like that. Never ending. I want to make my dad proud of me, so I'm going to build this up. But it's like, well, guess what? Your dad's dead.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

So he's not going to give a shit about this. You got kids. You should be good to your kids. You know, I have little sympathy for parents who, like, don't. Who aren't good to their kids. So you're fucking up people you made.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that's. I mean, it feels crazy when you have kids because when you have kids, like, you so want to protect, you know, and take care of them so much that when you hear about stuff like that, it just. Part of your brain just goes, well, I don't understand, you know, because you just are so trying to take care of them.

[Sam Morrell]

Yeah. I mean, a guy who poops on a woman's face doesn't strike me as the most intro.

[Tom Segura]

Introspective fella, you know, And I really want to know, like, I'd really love to him to comment on why. On them. Why.

[Sam Morrell]

Maybe that's just. I mean, there's always those porno links where you're just like, I don't know who's into that. But that's weird.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

And that's. There's definitely people into it if it's there. Right.

[Tom Segura]

But I think there's something like. Look, weird is a broad term. There's something about human excrement that like, it. It's like it. It's its own category. Like when you. Because, like, shit to all of us is revolt. Like, it's just revolting.

[Sam Morrell]

Yeah. You know, not all of us.

[Tom Segura]

Well, that. But like, even that person. I think it's like, it's. Your body is actual waste. It's waste. And it's like the reason that it. The smell is like, it's because you're supposed to stay away from it.

[Sam Morrell]

Like, do you think now that he's getting really old and has kind of fallen apart a little, and he probably poops himself a little and a nurse has to clean it up. He's kind of like, that's so hot.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, for sure.

[Sam Morrell]

Really?

[Tom Segura]

Maybe it's. He's probably like. She's like, don't worry, it's not that. He goes, well, let's see what yours is like, you know? Cuz I think.

[Sam Morrell]

Do you think it's that or do I think with him it's about the humiliation?

[Tom Segura]

Oh, right.

[Sam Morrell]

I think he. I think he's probably like, this person hates this, and that turns me on. Like, that's a. Like, he's like a sadist, I think.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, right, right. Yeah, I guess. I don't know, man.

[Sam Morrell]

That cracked me up so hard, though, in the. In the doc, though, when he's like. He's basically on trial for, you know, all this sexual misconduct stuff. He's, you know, they're looking into it and they're like, you know, will he show up tonight? Like, that's part of the storyline. And he just walks out to that dumb song. No chance. And everyone's like, yeah, you're here. He showed up.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Okay. So During a threesome, McMahon defecated on her and commanded her to continue pleasuring the other man while McMahon took a shower.

[Sam Morrell]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

He's like, I want to get this shit off of me. Grant says she had feces in her hair running down her back. It lasted more than 90 minutes while she remained so an hour and a half. You're covered in shit, but you're. You're definitely right in that. It's about. It's about humiliating the other person.

[Sam Morrell]

Yeah. Damn.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. I don't know. I just.

[Sam Morrell]

Growing up is weird because I just watched this as a kid being like, this is great.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

And you kind of know they're not treated well because think about how we travel, and it's a lot.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

These people are traveling, you know, in pain. Their body hurts, and they're doing. Some of them are doing like, 300 days a year.

[Tom Segura]

It's insane. When I met the Undertaker and we were talking about just the road and traveling, and I would say, you know, at the time, I don't know, I think because this was like, a little while ago, I was like, yeah. You know, something about the schedule where you have doubles, right? Like, two shows. Two shows on Thursday, two shows on Friday. And how the cumulative effect, it really does start to, like, break you down. There's something, like, so, you know, like, welcoming when you run into, like, a single show night because you're like. Something about those doubles wear you out. And he was like, yeah. When I started wrestling, we were doing double. We would do doubles. So we do the show twice. And. And so it's like, you know, I'm talking about sitting here talking with a mic, and he's doing, like, fucking clotheslines. And. And he. I was like, that's insane. And it was. And it was the same way. He was like, two Wednesday, two Thursday, two Friday. And he goes, like, my first thing when I got, like, a little bit of juice in the business was I was like, no, no doubles. Like, it was just one. One show. And not.

[Sam Morrell]

Because they probably didn't know how many tickets they could sell at that time. So they're, like, adding shows.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

That's crazy. I mean.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. To do that twice in a night, I mean.

[Sam Morrell]

Oh, dude. It affects how I, you know, eat and stuff, like. And I'm just standing there like, low energy guys. Low energy comics. This dude is 7ft and he's jumping off.

[Tom Segura]

Jumping off a. I know. He's. It does me up, though. I don't care what it. I mean, you can say whatever you want. Like, over time, especially, like, there's tours where I've done it week after week completely. I would get sick multiple times. Like, immune system just falls apart. Yeah, it.

[Sam Morrell]

You up, but it's more. For me, it's more mental. It's more like. I'm just drained. I'm not, like, physically that bad. It's more like I'm like, I need new jokes. I'm forcing myself to do all these. All these shows so I can. So I can hate the material enough to force new out of my mouth, but so I'm more like run down and mad at myself. I'll do enough sets where I'm furious that I don't have more new.

[Tom Segura]

That's the thing. And then you go, man, even if you have one new thing at the top, also in that show, you're like, oh, that was so much better. Just because you said one new thing.

[Sam Morrell]

Oh, dude. I did, like one Hunter Biden joke the other night, and it got a pop. And I'm like, okay, there we go. All right. That's why I had one thing. And it made me feel. Made me feel brand new.

[Tom Segura]

I like how they're all, by the way. I mean, not that this is new, but they're all so full of shit in politics.

[Sam Morrell]

Oh, my God.

[Tom Segura]

And like, the fact that we just find this with anybody. But they're like, so you're not going to pardon him? He's like, absolutely.

[Sam Morrell]

Just don't say that.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I will accept how this justice system and how it works. And it's like, cool. All right, Good to know. And he's like, what do you mean to do fucking.

[Sam Morrell]

And the acrobatics you made these Democratic pundits do going on who are just also full of shit.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

Who are like, yeah, you know. You know, he said he's not going to do that. We respect the justice system in this party. The smug now is on top of it, which is annoying. And then you come back and be like, we had to do it, you know? You know, Trump said he's out for revenge. You have to, like, justify anything. And it's his only son left.

[Tom Segura]

I know. And I. And I know that it's always their job to do this, but it's why you end up loathing all press secretaries, because they have to spin whatever they're told, you know, I mean, so like, the press secretary has to come out and be like, no, he's not going to do that. And then the next day has to go, what do you want him to do? Not do it. Like, it's not. And bring up the counter points. And it's like, so we can't believe anything you say ever.

[Sam Morrell]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Like, press secretaries are always just master manipulators.

[Sam Morrell]

But I think most Americans are cynical enough to be like. Like, none of us feel burned. We're like, yeah, that's what they do.

[Tom Segura]

That's what they do. No, of course. It's just another glaring. It reminds me of college football coaches when they're like, I'm not taking the gig. Okay? Stay in here, Vince McMahon.

[Sam Morrell]

I'm not pooping on an employee.

[Tom Segura]

Never.

[Sam Morrell]

I've never done that. Pooping on someone.

[Tom Segura]

It's so gross. Do you guys know what it smells like?

[Sam Morrell]

And he's like, I have to.

[Tom Segura]

I love. I love that. He was like, that's gross. I'm going to go shower. That's disgusting. I'll be back. And then he got back, and he's like, you're still covered in shit.

[Sam Morrell]

And he didn't pay her that much, right?

[Tom Segura]

I don't know.

[Sam Morrell]

Like, he raised her salary to 200 grand. I'm like, that's not that much to get pooped on.

[Tom Segura]

To get shit on. Yeah, and stay there, too. He wasn't just like, this is my kink. I'm gonna. Now he's like, you stay there. You blow that other guy. Can you imagine?

[Sam Morrell]

She's at lunch with her friend, and her friend's complaining about work, and she's like, you. You think you have a bad job? Yeah, the boss is pooping on me. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And not only that. It said that he, like, commanded her to keep pleasuring the other guy. What if you're the other guy and.

[Sam Morrell]

You know who the other guy was? I think it was Brock Lesnar, wasn't it?

[Tom Segura]

Was it Brock Lesnar?

[Sam Morrell]

I'm pretty sure.

[Tom Segura]

Holy shit. But wouldn't you.

[Sam Morrell]

By the way, I don't think I would want to have a threesome with Brock Lesnar.

[Tom Segura]

No way.

[Sam Morrell]

How highly do you think of yourself? You're like, I'm going to go in there with Brock Lesnar and give this girl a show.

[Tom Segura]

No, but, like, wouldn't you be so mad as the other guy? Like, you'd be like, no, no, no. I want you to shower, too. Like, because I can smell it's in your hair and really gross. It's so gross. I don't care that that's my boss. Like, you don't just get to make. I don't want to sit here, get this blowjob with. With her covered in your shit. It's not cool.

[Sam Morrell]

Not only that, it's like, it's one thing for Linda to find out her husband's fucking around on her. It's another to find out he's fucking around with employees because now it's a lawsuit that she's a company. It's a Company she's a part of. It's a third to find out poop is involved.

[Tom Segura]

Poop.

[Sam Morrell]

This is like an onion with layers that keep on giving.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

[Sam Morrell]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

But is. That is. But hold on, though. This might be a separate. That might be a separate thing. Yeah. That might not be the.

[Sam Morrell]

What's this one?

[Tom Segura]

Just that he. He forced her to create personalized sexual content for a superstar. That he was trying to resign. So that. Because he. He involved multiple people in. In these sexual escapades and that in that one. Let's see. Grant. That he.

[Sam Morrell]

Like, this is, like, old school. Like, this is like old school showbiz. This is like. Feels like mob.

[Tom Segura]

It does feel like mob stuff. Yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

This feels like 1940s, like, Bugsy Seagull, Mickey cone type depravity.

[Tom Segura]

It says that maybe Brock wanted her to send a video of herself urinating, which is cool. McMahon defecated threesome. It doesn't say. Oh, my God. Yeah. It doesn't say who that person was there. It's cool if. If Brock's in the piss, though. That's kind of a cool detail to learn.

[Sam Morrell]

It's interesting.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

You never know. You never know what people are into.

[Tom Segura]

Piss video.

[Sam Morrell]

Is he into piss or is Vince just like. You should get into this. Like, he's an older guy. Like, you'll get into it. It's cool.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, you're not into that yet?

[Sam Morrell]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Let me have my friend send you a video. There's a girl on Instagram who is, like, her whole. I don't know how she doesn't get shut down. It's all, like, power pissing. And she sits there and just angles her camera in such a way where you don't. You can't see her. You know, private parts, but pissed. Just everywhere. I've heard of this, and it's got like, what the. Who is this?

[Sam Morrell]

I looked at it. Like, I've heard of this. Yes. The Wall Street Journal did a nice piece on it. Dude.

[Tom Segura]

You know 60 minutes.

[Sam Morrell]

Dude, I know you mean it. It is crazy because porn is essentially like, even with your starting. Even with your starting point. Porn is, like, things you should not do. It's like fucking your friend's mom. It's all, like, kind of wrong. Right? And then you keep escalating to the point that you get to is.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. It is about raising the stakes. Right?

[Sam Morrell]

Because what's wrong? Every few years gets worse. You're raising your tolerance to this.

[Tom Segura]

It's like when you're. The first time you See a girl in a bikini, you're like, oh, my God.

[Sam Morrell]

I know, right?

[Tom Segura]

And then it's like, topless. You're like, it doesn't get crazier than that.

[Sam Morrell]

I used to have a bit about jacking off the Jennifer Love Hewitt smile.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

And then it gets worse.

[Tom Segura]

It gets worse.

[Sam Morrell]

It gets so.

[Tom Segura]

What's that first one there? She's like, hey.

[Sam Morrell]

Oh, that's crazy.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, so I got it. So then she does.

[Sam Morrell]

So it's not real?

[Tom Segura]

No, it's real. Because that's definitely real.

[Sam Morrell]

That should warm things up.

[Tom Segura]

That's the warm things up. I just wanted you guys to know that this.

[Sam Morrell]

By the way, this is like a new scouting tape for Vince, since I. He's like, someone get me this girl's number.

[Tom Segura]

She would definitely be getting calls from him if she was on the roster.

[Sam Morrell]

This is weird.

[Tom Segura]

And this is like, why are jokes getting flagged?

[Sam Morrell]

And this shit is okay.

[Tom Segura]

This is all right.

[Sam Morrell]

I can't say. I can't say. I can't say sex in a bit that gets flagged. But. But she can. She can pee.

[Tom Segura]

Pee Pee girl is. What does the link go to? Is it just, like, a pay site? Yep.

[Sam Morrell]

It's like, only fans.

[Tom Segura]

Only fans. Many. It's a bunch of pay sites where I guess you get more. Right?

[Sam Morrell]

You get longer streams.

[Tom Segura]

You get longer streams. Open mouth.

[Sam Morrell]

She pees. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, yeah, it's pretty cool, man.

[Sam Morrell]

I don't know, man. I'm like. Porn is getting, like. I'm more just irritated by porn as I get older, too. I can't even, like. You know, it's like an ultimate peeve in porn is like, the dude who's, like, trying to be, like, too animated.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

Well, he, like, takes you out of. He's like. He's like, what, you're gonna fuck me? And you're like, just fucking do it. It's like. It's like doing crowd work with a guy who's trying to be funny, and you're like, just let me do this.

[Tom Segura]

You just respond normally.

[Sam Morrell]

You just do the. You're just there to be there. We're here not for you. We're here for her.

[Tom Segura]

The overacting. Do you like when they go, like.

[Sam Morrell]

What, you're going to me?

[Tom Segura]

Yes, you.

[Sam Morrell]

You knew.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. There's so much porn.

[Sam Morrell]

It's too much. I mean, I'm still, like. It's cra. I'm still on, like, 2006 porn.

[Tom Segura]

There's no way you can catch up.

[Sam Morrell]

I'm still, like, on the I jerked off to, like, growing up.

[Tom Segura]

The only thing that I actually really wanted, like, that even turns me on anymore. I. I don't. I can't watch a, like a manufactured, pretend, turned on thing. I like the genuine behind the scenes. Like, the real one.

[Sam Morrell]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Because then they're doing something that they are, like, doing to. To arouse each other. You know what I mean? Yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

And it's also like a different type of. It's like. It's like you've watched too many thrillers and you get like, a documentary now.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

It's just like a different genre.

[Tom Segura]

It's a different. But here's the thing. There's. Because porn does this with everything. There's the fake behind the scenes. That one doesn't do it for me. It's got to be the authentic behind the scenes.

[Sam Morrell]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, sure, sure. That's the only one I like.

[Sam Morrell]

Yeah, man. No, I'm with you. I don't even know what I like anymore. You want to, like, kind of ration it too. You don't want to be like, too. You don't be on the road and being like, it's so easy to just jerk off like, three times in a day.

[Tom Segura]

Easy. Yeah, I used to. Yeah, I used to. I was bad. I think, like, that was just part of the. The dealing with the anxiety of what am I doing?

[Sam Morrell]

I know.

[Tom Segura]

You know, I mean, like, I'm in Hartford, and, you know, I'm in Hartford.

[Sam Morrell]

Question mark is a great title to a book.

[Tom Segura]

It's like, I spent $600 on the flight. I'm making $600. Like, what am I. So, yeah, you're just in your room like, let me get another cheese stick and jerk off.

[Sam Morrell]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

That was kind of. I don't know. You know, I mean, like, you're. You look back and you go, oh, that's what. Things happen. Your behaviors happen for a reason.

[Sam Morrell]

Right.

[Tom Segura]

I was like, you're trying to get some dopamine going because you're like, what am I doing?

[Sam Morrell]

You're also kind of like, what else am I gonna do? Like, you know, you're like, I'm here all day.

[Tom Segura]

It's different than, like, when you're a little older and you, like, you have like, oh, okay, this is my job. Then you go like, I should write or I should go work out. Like, you. Your brain changes. Right.

[Sam Morrell]

But those helps to bring a friend. Because if you have a friend who's a good influence, like, my friend Gary would be like, let's wake up at like, 8:45, 9. We'll work out.

[Tom Segura]

I'm like, all right, so you guys.

[Sam Morrell]

Are doing that kind of. Yeah, we just do something just to get the brain awake. Yeah, you just don't want to waste the day. Just. You kind of see, especially when you're on the road, you're like, I can. I got to try new shit. I'm doing one or two hours tonight. I gotta. If I do the same show as last night, I'm a failure.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. So you get yourself into that.

[Sam Morrell]

I'll listen. I'll listen to the set. There's. It's coming together, but it's like, I'm always in awe of comics who just like, don't need. I need to throw shit at the wall. I'm sure you do. With all you do. So many stories. Like, you gotta, you know. Well, you're doing a story, you're kind of like, I know where there's gonna end, maybe, but I don't know how I'm gonna get there sometimes.

[Tom Segura]

Well, though, you need to. The interesting. Oh, for sure. The interesting part. The most interesting part of like figuring out a story is like telling it in the first few times where you're over telling it, but you don't. But you have to. You have to go like, okay, all this is unnecessary. But you don't know that until you do it. So that story, the first time, you're like, man. And then, yeah, you. You find a place where it goes eventually. And then sometimes you go, I think it ends here. And you realize, oh, I should kind of like add to it. You know, it is like this equation that you don't know all the numbers yet, but, like, the only way to do it is by trying it out. I also had one where I had this bit now where I told a version of this bit before and I used to do a longer version of it. And I realized that this add on that I was doing was taking the joke from, like, here to, like, here. So I cut that. So now it ends on like a more, you know, a stronger ending, basically.

[Sam Morrell]

Yeah. It's sometimes just. You have a line that you love and you're like, this adds something. But you're like, you keep listening, you're like, it doesn't work.

[Tom Segura]

It doesn't work. Yeah, we get into this thing, I think all comedians do, where it's like a. It's a form of insanity almost, where you go, I'm going to say the thing I like. And then you say it and you're ignoring the reaction and you're like, it's still funny to me. You keep saying it.

[Sam Morrell]

For some people, that's their whole act. Yeah, that whole act is like, I think it's funny. And they're like, none of this is working.

[Tom Segura]

None of it works. But then I think there's this point where you're like, yeah, I just. I'm better at that now at going, like, that's not working.

[Sam Morrell]

Yes. Stories are like, I'll usually do like one or two per hour. I don't. Like, I can't. I just.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, but you're joke writing machine.

[Sam Morrell]

Thanks, man. I mean, I just like. But I think you need something else. Like, I mean, I've seen other people. Then you'll see a guy like, you know, some people that have like, long story. But then I have some, like, you'll. You have some short bits too. Especially early stuff. Was a lot of short bits, you know, and. Or someone like Jim Jeffries, who will tell like a long story. That's hilarious. But then he'll also do, like, he'll just throw one liner out there every once in a while and you're like, oh, shit.

[Tom Segura]

All right.

[Sam Morrell]

I think you got to keep them on their toes a little bit. You do, or else you become predictable.

[Tom Segura]

And it's like, yeah, I think like, my hour right now is shaped by like, it usually almost has like some mix of this. Of like, short bit. Short bit story. Quick, quick, you know, quick one liner story store. Like, it's like a. It's a mix of it, but you try to not make the order of it too predictable, you know?

[Sam Morrell]

Yeah. That's also the hard thing is like, I'll do this sometimes. I'm like, oh, there's a good joke. And then I'll put it too early. And they just think I'm a fucking asshole.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

Because I'm like, oh, I'm an asshole.

[Tom Segura]

You didn't earn it yet.

[Sam Morrell]

Yeah, like, my crowd will laugh at that. But if I do that, I did a show, man, These. They're these guys who do this shows in New York and pop up shows. Like, they'll do it at Peter Luger Steakhouse at, like Paragon Sports. I just did one of Katz's deli and I bombed so fucking hard because the show just kept getting pushed back. Like, I saw Louis at the Cellar. He's like, I'm doing that Katz's show with you. He's like, I'm going on after you. I was like, oh, sweet. For some reason, he just like went on. And I was like, fuck, what I thought I was before Louie. And he did, like. I think he thought I went on. So we did like, 30, and I'm like, fuck. All right. It's like 11:45.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

That kid Marcelo from SNL is there, and he's like, I'm shooting this thing at 6:00am like, go ahead. Fuck yeah. But, like, he's so adorable and funny and likable. I go on. I'm like. My first joke was, like, way too fucking not nice. And they were like, this guy's a fucking asshole.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

So I'm just bombing after two pastrami sandwiches and Katz's Deli at, like, 12:15 in the morning. I'm like, this sucks.

[Tom Segura]

This is the worst. Yeah. I mean, I feel bad. Yeah. Earning. It's a thing where, like, I. I figure that all the time, where, like, your show, you can kind of, like, play with that, you know, like, yeah, that do. They like you, and it's your show, so they like you, but then you go do like a. Just like a. A random showcase show, and you try to do the same type of order, and they're like, no, no. You still have to get, like, some goodwill you gotta earn inside. Yeah. You have to earn it, dude.

[Sam Morrell]

And it's a different thing. It's like you're on the road, like. Like you're hitting the road or I'm hitting the road. It's kind of like you get used to just the hour.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

You know, and then it's like, cool. When you're a young comic, you're like, how do I get five minutes? How do I get to this point? And then you're old. You're like, how do I get down? It's a different thing. It's. So I was, like, trying to do a silence set, and I was like, how the fuck do I do a five minute?

[Tom Segura]

It's almost panic inducing. I just got back from, like, a string of shows. I got back and I go to the club here, and they're like, do you want to go on? I'm like, sure. And I'm just, like, in my head going, like, how do I figure out what, 15 minutes to kind of play with?

[Sam Morrell]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And it's like. And then here's the thing. It's like. It starts well. So you're like, oh, I think I found my stride for this 15 minutes. And then all of a sudden, it just takes a left turn and you're like, oh, fuck, I just lost it. Like, I lost it here.

[Sam Morrell]

I relate so much to that because, like, it's been happening to me at the Cellar. Like, there'll be some young, hungry young killer there. And I'm following this comic and I'm like, oh, shit, all right, I got to kind of bring it. There's nothing worse than when you're like, I'm trying all these new jokes and you see the person funny just annihilating, and you're like, fuck, all right, well, I can't be a pussy. Got to do them.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

But then you just are, like, eating it for the first. That's the hard thing, too, is like, all right, well, do I start old and kind of earn it, or do I. Do I just, like, say fuck it? Maybe they'll give me some bonus points because these are all clearly new because they're topical and that'll help me. But I usually just. I'm like, I'll just fall on my face and hopefully I'll win him back. But, like, I've had a couple recently where I'm like, shit, I don't know what the right.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Move is, but I think that's. That tells me, too, that, like, that I think that's the healthy way to approach it. The fact that. The fact that it doesn't go well sometimes means that you're doing it the right. As crazy as that might sound to somebody, like, if that's what we tell.

[Sam Morrell]

Ourselves, they're like, only hacks kill every time.

[Tom Segura]

Well, I.

[Sam Morrell]

But it's true. I think.

[Tom Segura]

I think it's true, dude. I think it's true. I mean, I also feel like I feel that boredom thing so much, you know? And, like, one thing I've done on this tour, I've been on this tour now for about a year, is, you know, it always is, like, tweaking a little bit, right? Things get dropped, things get added. But I have taken every 15 minute chunk of this hour and done it in different orders. So I've opened with it, put it second, put it third, and put it forth and moved it around. That's kept it, like, interesting and different and, like, it goes different ways in different. Like, there's certain nights where you could tell me that's the way to do it. And then the next night I'm like, I don't think that's the way to do it, but I think the doubt. Doubt is a good thing in comedy. I think it keeps you. First of all, like, you don't want to be overly confident, and you also want to be somebody who goes like, okay. Doubt means that you actually have some Risk to what you're doing and what you're saying. So I. I don't know. I. I'm. I'm a big fan of like. Of just embracing that. Like you said, like, following the person going, it. I'm just doing this anyway. And it might each. And then it does eat. And you're like, whatever. Like, that means you're trying things, but.

[Sam Morrell]

You switching the order, too keeps it present, I think. I think that's like, you're now, like, you're not. It's so easy to go on autopilot and lose the joy in this. But I remember Louis would say that he would. He would open his new hour on his last hour's closer because it would put so much pressure on him. I'm like, man, that is a. That's a tough thing to do to yourself, is open on your best bit.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

And then just like, be like, oh, these aren't good yet. Yeah, but it'll. It'll make you get good.

[Tom Segura]

It. That stuff. That. That advice, I think works. I mean, moving your heavy hitters up front does that too. And then sometimes, yeah, you suffer through sets. Like, I've done sets where, like, I felt like the 20 minutes in, it was like bedlam in there. Just people. And then I'm like, all right. And I settled in, and it was like turned into a eulogy where I was like, fuck. Like, you know? But it does make you address them and change things and just like, will.

[Sam Morrell]

You still hit clubs when you are working out, like, on the road every once in a while where you'd be like, I'll hit a road club or.

[Tom Segura]

No, I mean, I feel like the rhythm I kind of go with is like, once the thing is out, I just play clubs for a while, trying to figure it out. Then I try to do some theaters and then go on from there. I mean, I did do, like, the. I did that den in Chicago.

[Sam Morrell]

I filmed a special there that was awesome. I love that room.

[Tom Segura]

I did that.

[Sam Morrell]

Chicago is awesome.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

Chicago is just like, one of the best cities, dude. I just.

[Tom Segura]

It's great.

[Sam Morrell]

I just love being there. I love. I don't know. They got. They love to talk shit. Like, on New York. They're like, this is affordable. We got the water right there. And I'm like, look, you're not wrong.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

Sports Town. It's a great.

[Tom Segura]

It's a great sports town.

[Sam Morrell]

I love it, dude. And that room, the den, I did a Netflix special there, and it was like, yeah, it's perfect.

[Tom Segura]

That was one of my surprise, like, most fun rooms. And that. That's. I did that as I was like getting ready to go on tour.

[Sam Morrell]

Chicago is. Yeah, that's a, That's a. That's a place I always love. Hidden Chicago, Boston. There's some of those, like, comedy cities.

[Tom Segura]

That are just like, I cannot wait to do.

[Sam Morrell]

Are you doing Boston Garden?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

Or TD Garden, Whatever, dude.

[Tom Segura]

It's.

[Sam Morrell]

I did it recently because I was. Eddie Comics come home.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

Dennis Leary's thing with like the stack lineup was like Bill Burr, Bobby Kelly, Ronnie Chang, all these, all these great comics on it and so much fun, man. They gave me a Bruins jersey, though, customized, and I was like, what am I gonna do? I mean, I'm. I'm flattered, but I'm also like, I'm fucking. I'm a New York guy. I can't rock a Bruins jersey. But it's a cool gift.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, it's cool. You frame it.

[Sam Morrell]

And there's some Boston guys there who are like, what the fuck? This is amazing. Oh, it was a Rangers when I would have got nuts.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, of course.

[Sam Morrell]

No, but it's a cool cause. And it's like, you know, oh, dude, I was going up there and I'm taking the train up because I'm like, it's an easy commute and the train in front of me fucking runs over a person.

[Tom Segura]

What?

[Sam Morrell]

So we're on the tracks and I'm like, I wonder if Ronnie Chang is on that guy. I didn't see him on my train. So I text him like, are you on the train that hit a person? He was like, yeah, dude, we're not moving. We're in the middle of the tracks. I don't know what to do. And I was like, well, we're off. Like, so want me to see if I can like pick you up in an Uber? And we'll just like, it's like a two hour Uber, but we gotta make the benefit, you know?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

So Ronnie was like, I can't. I'm literally in the middle of the tracks. We can't move. We ran over a person. So I was like, holy shit. So this guy comes back and this, like, guy works for Amtrak, sees me and he recognized me and he goes, I hope you make your gig tonight, man. And I was like, oh, thanks. And I said, do you want tickets if we make it? And he was like, really? That's amazing. So I did that. He felt like he had to update me every two minutes. So, like, what's going on? So he'd like Come back and be like, hey, it was a woman. And I'm like, oh, fuck. All right. Shit. And then I was like, all right. Then he'd come back, like, two minutes later, and he's like, she was sitting Indian style. It was a suicide like that. You know, it's going so quickly that the conductor, the engineer, rather. He can't. He can't slow down.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

So he just. He had to watch that. I was like, that's awful, man. Oh, man. And then he goes, so the tickets are a box office. Yeah. And he. He emailed me that night because I was like, here's my email in case anything goes wrong. And I emailed him. I was like. He said, I got it. I was like, let me know how the show is and make sure, like, they take care of you and stuff. And he. He wrote, man, amazing lineup, great night. That lady getting run over is the best thing that ever happened to me.

[Tom Segura]

Holy shit.

[Sam Morrell]

But it was crazy. It was crazy experience. And, I mean, we showered at the venue because I know you give yourself a couple hour window, but we were delayed a few hours, so I end up showering in the visiting locker room for the Celtics. It's like enemy territory, man. Celtics. And that water stream is shit.

[Tom Segura]

Is it really?

[Sam Morrell]

I think they do that to the visitors. Yeah. To be like, fuck you. Here's a shitty stream.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

It'll take you forever to shower.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. That's awesome.

[Sam Morrell]

It was great. I was like, this is cold and shitty.

[Tom Segura]

The. We were on the road somewhere, and one of the guys from, like, my crew was like, oh. I was talking to the. This chick at the bar, and she's a conductor. She's a train conductor for Amtrak. And he goes, I asked her, have you ever hit somebody? And she goes, yeah, seven people. And he was like, what? And she goes, yeah, it's just as part of. Part of the gig.

[Sam Morrell]

Like, especially on the holidays, they say, because people get really sad.

[Tom Segura]

She goes, my dad is also an Amtrak conductor. Like, that's how I got into this. And he's hit over 40 people.

[Sam Morrell]

Oh, my God.

[Tom Segura]

And I was like, what? And they. And they were just like, yeah, it's just how it goes. It's just part of the crazy. It's one of those things, man. You're just gonna hit people.

[Sam Morrell]

You see some.

[Tom Segura]

Man, Somebody. People, like, explode when a train hits them.

[Sam Morrell]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You know? Yeah. Train going that fast with that much mass.

[Sam Morrell]

So I guess the hope is at least it's quick.

[Tom Segura]

But that is quick.

[Sam Morrell]

Yeah, but that is rough.

[Tom Segura]

That's rough.

[Sam Morrell]

And also, like, they have to. That's a bad gig. Whoever has to like, dispose. Because you have to. The train can't move. You have to dispose. I guess you go back over it. I know. And you have to dispose. Hose it down. The bad gig.

[Tom Segura]

All right, well, Scooper, Amtrak's super reliable. Great way to go. Don't sleep on Amtrak.

[Sam Morrell]

I do love Amtrak.

[Tom Segura]

They're great.

[Sam Morrell]

I love a good train.

[Tom Segura]

I love a good train.

[Sam Morrell]

Especially a scenic route. You get a nice view.

[Tom Segura]

I want the old school. Like when you see in the movies where it's like this bedroom. You know what I mean?

[Sam Morrell]

Like Murder on the Orient Express.

[Tom Segura]

Like that.

[Sam Morrell]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Sleep on it.

[Sam Morrell]

And it's kind of cool.

[Tom Segura]

That would be a cool thing.

[Sam Morrell]

I did that one time when I was a young comic and just like making no money, I. I did a 26 hour train ride to Toledo, Ohio.

[Tom Segura]

No shit?

[Sam Morrell]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

From New York.

[Sam Morrell]

Yeah. Because it was like the cheapest way to get there. And I, you know, I have a car and I'm a driver and I was. It was like a connect train ride and for like a feature weekend. But it was like 100 bucks. I was like, I'll fucking do it.

[Tom Segura]

Was it cool?

[Sam Morrell]

Yeah, it was kind of cool. It was kind of like a cool adventure.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Sam Morrell]

It was only that bad because I think of a hurricane. So, like, it messed up a rail.

[Tom Segura]

Oh.

[Sam Morrell]

But I was like, whatever gets me there cheapest, I will do cheap. And it was like, yeah. Fun weekend.

[Tom Segura]

I think a train. A train is so cool. Don't forget, you can see Sam on his new tour, the Errors Tour, beginning in February 2025. You can catch. We might be drunk with him and Mark Norman and of course, Bodega Cat. Whiskey.

[Sam Morrell]

Yeah, dude, we're making some noise in New York. We're Peter Luger's Now Steakhouse. We're at a strip house. Great Steakhouse Cellar. All the comedy clubs in New York. The Stand, New York Comedy Club, they're all. Gotham, I believe is carrying it now, too.

[Tom Segura]

Awesome.

[Sam Morrell]

So, yeah. And we're a bunch of new bars about to carry it and. Yeah, man. Porosos and Bodega Cat. I rock my Porosos hat all the time.

[Tom Segura]

Thanks very much. We're gonna crack over some whiskey here in a little bit and get the day started right. Thank you guys for watching. Thank you for listening.

[Sam Morrell]

Oh, dude, a lot of Austin, Dallas, DC. I'm hitting like 50 cities, so Samuel.com shows for tickets. Charlotte, Tulsa. I'm not going to say them all, obviously. But I'm literally coming. I'm not going to say your tour name. I'm coming everywhere. The best tour name of all time. I saw that. I was like, fucking jealous. I was like, that is.

[Tom Segura]

That's a good tour.

[Sam Morrell]

That was right there for any of us. Yeah, I'm coming everywhere. But, yeah, the Heirs tour. And I got like, I'm going to be. I'm coming to every city, and if it's not there right now, it's going to be added for the fall. But Samuel.com, one of the best comics working today.

[Tom Segura]

That's no shit. Absolutely. Go get tickets. Go see him, laugh your ass off, and we'll see you guys next week.

[Sam Morrell]

Bert and Tom. Tom and Bert. One goes topless while the other wears a shirt. Tom tells stories and Berts the Machine. There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean. Here's what we call two bears, One cave.