
Comedian Josh Wolf returns to the show and they open by talking about how Election Day is too close to Thanksgiving, the burden of going to a college with a big sports program, whether or not you should tip a prostitute, the programming...
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Adam Carolla
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Josh Wolf
Five dollar meal deal at McDonald's. You pick a McDouble or a McChicken.
Adam Carolla
Then get a small fry, a small drink and a four piece Mc. That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. Price of participation may vary. For a limited time only. Well, very funny. Comedian Josh Wolf comes in and cuts it up with me. Mayhem's doing some news. Lou Diamond Phillips is gonna join us. Always a delight. And we got all that right after this.
Mayhem Miller
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Adam Carolla
Same.
Mayhem Miller
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Adam Carolla
Hey fans of freedom and open discussion. I'm heading over to Substack and there's an ad free audio and video version of the Adam Corolla show that's going to be waiting there in the near future. You'll even be able to watch ACS live unedited as we record it. Participate in the show via live chat. That'll be coming up very soon. You also get an ad free version of the Adam Kohl and Dr. Drew show. You also get an exclusive to my new podcast Beat it out where I share unpolished ideas with my comedian buddies. The first series of episodes is going to be Jay Moore. You'll get all this and more for the low, low price of nine bucks a month. A pittance for all we're going to bring you. Subscribe now@adamcarolla.com substack and I'll see all of you in our new speakeasy called Substack.
Lou Diamond Phillips
From Corolla One studios in Glendale, California. This is the Adam Corolla show Adam's guest today, comedian Josh Wolf and actor Lou Diamond Phillips. Plus the news and trending topics with Jason Mayhem Miller. And now a man who needs to use AI to spell AI. Adam Carolla.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, get it. Got to get on a church in a minute. You get it on. Thanks for tuning in. We love that about you. Josh Wolf back on. Comedian, actor, writer. He's got dates. He's heading out to Bakersfield after that. After this, I should say November 14, Bakersfield, Sacramento, at the Crest Theater. Beautiful place. The Nile, by the way, in Bakersfield's where he's going to be. Crest 15th and funny bone, Des Moines. Probably not driving, but that'll be November 22nd through 23rd. Good to see you.
Guest
Good to see you, man. How are you?
Adam Carolla
Good. I have thoughts.
Guest
Let's hear it.
Adam Carolla
All right. Lots of acrimony after the election and lots of discussions about the daughter's pissed off that the dad voted for Trump and nobody's invited for Thanksgiving this year. So the thing about the right and the left, they disagree. But the left really personalizes it and internalizes it. The right's more like, I can't believe you voted for that dope. They're gonna raise our taxes. But the left is like, you voted for Hitler who wants to put kids in cages. Right. And so that's not a person you'd wanna have Thanksgiving with.
Guest
I honestly, look, man, if you know anything about me, I'm a kind of an arms wide open dude. And I think the whole thing eats dicks.
Adam Carolla
Right. But my point is, regardless of what we think, yeah, there's a lot of kids, like adult children, but like 32 year old women who have parents in their 60s who retired somewhere, they're a little more conservative. Maybe the dad was in the service or something. Not down with the pronouns. And the parents voted Trump and the kids boycotting Thanksgiving.
Guest
I do think that's dumb.
Adam Carolla
It is. And I think I have a fix.
Guest
Ooh. All right.
Adam Carolla
I think back in the day when we were a little more down the center and no matter, you know, it didn't really matter if you're a Republican when you got like Bill Clinton, you were kind of like agnostic about it. Like, all right, seems like a smart guy plays a saxophone.
Guest
There was something cool about that saxophone on Arsenio.
Adam Carolla
He wants a stout border and he kind of wants the abortion should be legal and rare and whatever what he said, it's not so far from what you were thinking. But now there's a huge chasm. And the point is everyone Starts making their Thanksgiving arrangements right after the election. And then everyone goes and makes the proclamation, fuck it, I'm not going or you're not welcome in my house. There's too much acrimony now and we need to spread it out. We cannot have the election this close to Thanksgiving anymore. Christmas is for presents, but Thanksgiving is for family. It's really. We're just gonna gather around the table and give thanks with our family. Except for I want that bitch to die.
Guest
You also the thing, the difference between you're right, Thanksgiving and Christmas is Christmas is for presents. And if you're giving someone a present, it's really hard to be mad at them.
Adam Carolla
Right.
Guest
But Thanksgiving, you're sitting across the table, everyone's had a couple of pops.
Adam Carolla
Yes.
Guest
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
No, like if your Republican dad just bought your fat ass a year. A year subscription to Equinox Gym.
Guest
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
You'd be like, okay, I'll hold my nose, but you can come over. But if all you're doing is bringing the gravy.
Guest
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
And you put fucking raisins in it last year and fucked it up.
Guest
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
Then fuck you. It's too close.
Guest
So every four years we should move Thanksgiving is what you're saying, or the election.
Adam Carolla
Ooh, one of them's gotta move. Yeah, we can't pull it off anymore. We're way too vitriolic. It's all weaponized now. Like, I literally see is endless scrolls on the Internet of like 32 year old women with the septum ring explaining that those assholes are never gonna see their grandchildren again.
Guest
Yeah, fuck them. Seems drast.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. Yeah, it's. It's too close. If you back, if you spread it out three or four months, the temperature would lower a little bit. People make a lot of proclamations at the beginning, but there'd be no, I'm not coming over for Thanksgiving. Because it would be too far apart.
Guest
Yep.
Adam Carolla
Things would settle, tempers would just sort of find better places. Therapy, maybe a couple saunas, you know, and then at some point, Thanksgiving would start creeping in and the daughter would go over to the house. It's too close.
Guest
Now, I also do think that if you put raisins in gravy, you shouldn't be invited to Thanksgiving.
Adam Carolla
Well, that's what I'm talking about.
Guest
Yeah. I mean, let's be honest, there are two things for me, raisins in food in general.
Adam Carolla
Keep them out is a. Yeah. Don't need it. No, no.
Guest
When you see raisins in a potato salad, that's when you know that Person ought to be just voted out of all.
Adam Carolla
I looked it up the other night. Fully 66% of raisins get picked out of whatever they're in. Yeah, yeah, they just get picked out.
Guest
Dude, I would pick raisins out of raisins.
Adam Carolla
That's right.
Guest
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
I'll do that sometimes I'll pull myself a bowl of raisins. I'll just have a separate bowl where I just.
Guest
Yeah, yeah.
Adam Carolla
I don't listen. I'm outraged. Do you know that raisinets outsells goobers 3 to 1?
Guest
There's no way that's true.
Adam Carolla
That's fucking true.
Guest
There's no way that's true.
Adam Carolla
So you understand the society we've crafted.
Guest
You're basically saying raisin that sell outsell peanut M and Ms. Is that what you're trying to tell me?
Adam Carolla
Essentially, that's. Well, they.
Guest
Look, that's a problem.
Adam Carolla
Well, now, look, hold on. Don't get over your skis with these raisins. I'm not saying that they outsell peanut M and Ms, but ostensibly that's what a goober is. But a goober. Look, the same company makes raisins with chocolate and peanuts with chocolate. And the raisins with chocolate, 3 to 1 outsells the peanuts with chocolate. I don't know why, and I'm sad to live in this society with you, but that's where we're living, so. I agree. Raisins. Raisins have never helped anything. They don't even really help an oatmeal cookie.
Guest
This is the thing I was about to say. The only way I'll accept the raisin in a food is with that cookie. But I like the oatmeal cookie without the raisin more. It's a real bummer.
Adam Carolla
No, I agree. Okay. I'm going to say this. It may. You may just get up and leave. I think raisins may help or not hurt. Couscous. What is that dish? What is that, like, Indian? No, it's the Egyptian or whatever basically Arabic dish of, like, couscous, where they have a bunch of different shit and they throw a couple raisins in there. And that. That's. That's. I'll give you a cultural pass for that.
Guest
Is that because though the couscous is so fucking dry that you need something to add a little.
Adam Carolla
I'm. I'm. I'm basically trying to be as charitable as I possibly can to raisins right now and say I'm searching my mind for something that may not be injured by a raisin. And all I can come up with is cousin couscous. Something you eat once every 17 years.
Guest
If you get invited to someone's house where you're like, what's that?
Adam Carolla
Yeah, like Moroccan. I think it's Moroccan Joe couscous. You may eat it with your hands. I don't know. But. All right, so I'll play you. Jesse Waters on Fox literally is not invited to his mom's house for Thanksgiving. But if once a year. What about this? Yeah, sorry. Once every four years with a presidential election. Every four years for the presidential. We have the voting day. Kick back to the fourth of July. Everyone's got the day off. People got a buzz on. You know what I mean? I feel like it. Free them up a little bit.
Guest
It's a patriotic thing.
Adam Carolla
Very patriotic. There's no excuse. Look, the fireworks are at 8:30 at night.
Guest
Yep.
Adam Carolla
You can't fucking get. You got the day off.
Guest
You're gonna get shit faced anyways on July 4th.
Adam Carolla
Yes.
Guest
And I will tell you low key, you know, one of my favorite days is July 5th, because I love going on the Internet and I get up right early in the morning, I get a cup of coffee and I just watch videos of dudes blowing their fingers off. Yeah, that's a great hour of a deep dive.
Adam Carolla
Every four years, Fourth of July voting, we all have the day off. Go ahead and marinate the kebabs and go down and vote with a buzz and then. Very patriotic. You're right. And then that'll be far enough away from Thanksgiving that Jesse Waters will get to go to his mom's house summer.
Guest
Vacation so kids won't have to take the day off. You know, the schools were giving days off because of.
Adam Carolla
Right.
Guest
Kids were upset by the election or whatever. So like they get. It's already summer vacation.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, right. None of the shit where Harvard has to have safe spaces with cookies for recovering 19 year old fucking idiots. Right. We don't need it. We don't need it. It's all done during the break.
Guest
That's actually a pretty good idea. How do we enact that?
Adam Carolla
I'll blow a call on the Trump. All right. We got Jesse saying it. I think the Democratic Party has destroyed itself trying to destroy Trump. And the more they resist, the worse it gets. Everything they're resisting the majority of the country backs and all the tactics that they used are so dirty and unconstitutional that they've turned Trump into a folk hero for surviving and winning. Since they can't stop us, we're not invited To Thanksgiving. Yep. People are taking some space in the Waters household. I'll have you know that I was not invited to my mother's house for Thanksgiving. Apparently there wasn't enough room. She said it was a scheduling situation and then at the last second invited me to come over on Black Friday. I told her, no, thanks, I'll be at Best Buy. All right. So if we had it on the 4th of July this year, everything. Temperature cooled. Jesse Waters going to mom's house for a living, by the way.
Guest
Did she not know what he did for a living to begin with? It's so. Has she not checked in with him in the last however many years he's been there?
Adam Carolla
This is my job, stocking shelves at the big five in Anaheim.
Guest
So ridiculous.
Adam Carolla
I think what it is, is, and I, you know, I think everyone is guilty of this psychologically. You. Let's just say I don't know who your football team is.
Guest
Patriots.
Adam Carolla
Okay. You're a Patriots guy. And you know, you guys had a couple of bad outings in the super bowl with the Giants, right?
Guest
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
Right. And two games. You should have won favorites on both games. And you probably had some jack off Giant friend who you were having a fun time with Joe Parano before the game.
Guest
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
But after you lost, you were pissed. And I think. I think the thing is, is like our girl's going to win. You fucking have fun with the fucking racist over there. But anyway, I'll see you Thanksgiving.
Guest
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
With our Kamala win. But then when you lose, now you're pissed and you really shouldn't be able to do that. But I think that's kind of how. How it rolled.
Guest
I'll tell you something. Can I tell you? So one of the Giants wins. I was at my brother's house and I was. It was me and my brother, my youngest son, Jacob and Jacob's friend. Now Jacob and Jacob's friend, they were.
Adam Carolla
Going to run the table and go 19 0.
Guest
Jacob's friend was probably. He was a. He was a Giants fan. And maybe they were 12, Adam, maybe. And at the end of the game, this 12 year old kid is super excited. And my brother, who went into the game as so confident and so happy, listen, and you can root for whoever you want to root for tells this 12 year old to sit down and shut his fucking.
Adam Carolla
That's what I'm saying.
Guest
I was like, whoa, dude, pump your brakes a little bit. But yeah, you're right, you're right. It's. I think it's so dumb. Especially when you're doing that with your parents. Look, if, if it's, if, if these are parents you never got along with and you grew up hating each other and that's one thing, but if you grew up knowing, knowing who each other were and it's just this election that's doing it, you guys need to, need to check yourself a little bit.
Adam Carolla
Well, also, what I tell everyone all the time is I know it's very upsetting that somebody thinks differently than you, but there are plenty of Giants fans out there. They like the Giants like you like the Patriots, like I like the Rams. You know, that's how we do it. So you shouldn't be confused or angry that there's like other people go, well, I'm rooting for the Raiders. You are like, yeah, that's how life works.
Guest
Yeah. Listen, we all like football. We just like it in different ways. Why is that the problem?
Adam Carolla
You shouldn't be confused and outraged.
Guest
No.
Adam Carolla
That somebody else likes the Steelers and you like the Ravens.
Guest
By the way, how boring would it be if we all like the same team? It would be the. One of the best. By the way, did you. Are you a baseball fan at all?
Adam Carolla
Somewhat.
Guest
The. So I'm a Red Sox fan and consistent. My. I miss the days when the Reds, when Pedro was throwing zimmer to the ground. I miss the hatred. It made sports so much better.
Adam Carolla
I don't like the prayer circles after the NFL games. I like the handshake in the hug it out. I don't like the jersey exchange. I don't like any of that. Oh, Taylor Swift made you a bracelet. Here you go, pal. No, I don't like any of that shit. I like the fact that Jack Lambert hated everybody on the Cowboys team and would body slam them before they would shake hands with 90s basketball.
Guest
Oh, God, was so much fun. It's why I can't watch basketball until the playoffs because they let them bang on each other a little bit.
Adam Carolla
Right.
Guest
But 90s basketball, when Charles Oakley would just bitch slap you in the face.
Adam Carolla
Yes.
Guest
Was, was so compelling to watch.
Adam Carolla
I don't, you know, but I think maybe the problem is like in football, the Pittsburgh Steelers defense comprised the same, you know.
Guest
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
12 got 13 guys that got interchanged a little bit for a decade. Now all these guys are getting traded to the team the next year. So you can't really bitch slap the guy because he's going to be a teammate in seven months.
Guest
Yeah, that's true.
Adam Carolla
And that's. I feel like that's part of what's going on.
Guest
It's what makes college basketball entirely unwatchable. It's a different team. How can you root for. There's nobody to attach yourself to at all.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. What do you think of this? The burden of going to college with a good sports program. Now I say burden, and here's what I mean. I didn't go to college, so my Saturdays are free. You know, I enjoy watching a good college game and I'll go to a Rose bowl or something, but I'm not. The people I know that went to USC or ucla, a. It's a life sentence.
Guest
Yes.
Adam Carolla
They're very upset when their team sucks. They come in and they start, you know, they'll come in and they'll go, we gotta get Phillips fired. We gotta get him fired. It's like you have a newborn at home. Don't worry about this. We're 2 and 11. What the fuck? It's like, just calm down. You don't go there anymore. You graduated 31 years ago. Fucking relax. Take the flag down from in front of your house. I know there's a USC guy on the other side. You're pissed off. He doesn't like the UCLA flag. Let it breathe. You know, like it becomes an ankle bracelet or something. And then it's like, I mean, I see guys who want to. Cal or whatever, ucla, deep invisible depressions when their team strings together a couple of bad years, or they got. They lost a buzzer beater in basketball. They're just not what they were when they used to be. Or they want to get this coach back, or the coach, they got to fucking. You know, they paid him $100 million guaranteed, and he's three years and he's under 500 and they gotta get rid of him. And the alumni wants money, you know, And I'm like, I have no burdens. It's like being an atheist. I get to do whatever I want.
Guest
But that's so much better.
Adam Carolla
I agree.
Guest
It's so much. And I didn't go to a school that I went to a Division 3 school. So sports were whatever. And I grew up in the Northeast, where college sports, Big east basketball used to be a thing, but not so much anymore. And so I'm with you. I also am like, you're 75. Yeah. You know you're yelling at an 18 year old.
Adam Carolla
Right? Right. Yeah. What are we.
Guest
What are we doing here? I mean, it seem like, you know, the sec, their slogan is, it just means more. Why?
Adam Carolla
Right.
Guest
Why does it mean more?
Adam Carolla
I'm saying it's like A religion, no doubt. It's like a religion or even having diabetes or something. Like it's something that needs to be tended to for the rest of your adult life, you know, with a couple of good days. But there ain't a ton of championships and rose bowls. There's many more under 500 seasons and injuries. And this coach has disappointed us. Some sort of scandal with the team. Doctor dropped a digit on the punter or something. You know, like there's scandals, there's trouble, they want money. They're constantly hitting you up for cash. Yeah, you already fucking paid them for four years, by the way.
Guest
As I've gotten older, I'm the same way with professional sports. It's, you know, I remember when I was younger where a loss could ruin.
Adam Carolla
My day right now I agree.
Guest
Do you know it's not going to happen anymore.
Adam Carolla
And also you don't even get the reflective glory of going to a prestigious four year school anymore because everyone's working. The grew up on the streets, lower middle class, parents, working class. Yeah, pick myself up by my own bootstraps. You can't even brag about going to a good school anymore. My dad got me into Harvard.
Guest
Do you feel like now that the kids are getting paid that before I.
Adam Carolla
Would say you talk about college sports.
Guest
Yeah, Before I would say, hey, stop yelling at the 18 year old, he's going to college.
Adam Carolla
Right.
Guest
And they're not getting money.
Adam Carolla
Right.
Guest
Do you feel like now that they're getting paid they've opened themselves up a little more? I don't know how I feel about that because they're still, to me, they're still kids. But do you feel like now that they're getting paid and they're considering self, considering themselves brands that they've opened themselves up to being criticized and yelled at a little more?
Adam Carolla
Oh, yeah. I mean, just look at. Let's just say you're with a young lady and she offers a blowjob.
Guest
I like how this story starts.
Adam Carolla
And I always say, is it free? And if it's free, you know, I don't really Critique. She says, $85. And I'm like, I might have notes. Tammy, could you spit out your gum? You know what I mean? With tip. With tip. Word. 100, you know what I mean? Who?
Guest
Big tipper, huh?
Adam Carolla
Well, 20%, it's standard.
Guest
Yeah, okay. I'm saying, are you tipping your hooker the same amount you're tipping your waitress?
Adam Carolla
I'm pretty much, I like to keep it at 20%. Haircut, car wash, blow job, waitress. You know.
Guest
All right.
Adam Carolla
That way I don't need two laminate cards to check in my wallet, you know, I just have the one.
Guest
Yeah, I didn't know hookers. Well, I guess they do take tips. But I thought the money that you gave them was tip included.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, well, I do. I think tipping is a. I think tipping's gotta be. It's gone, by the way, pretty big part of prostitution.
Guest
But why aren't you just giving them the money?
Adam Carolla
Look, there's a lot of gray area and tipping. For instance, if you, if you go to the Home Depot. I mean, I've gone to the Home Depot and found some 65 year old Vietnam vet and go like, I need 30ft of anchor chain. And he's like, oh, okay. He starts pulling it out and measuring it, you know, three foot at a time. Then he's like, I got to get the bolt cutters. He goes and finds the bolt cutters. You know, he cuts it, wraps it up, like weighs it, puts a tag on it. That guy gets nothing. And then the chick at the restaurant who just gives you the apple, teeny, she gets $11 for doing nothing. Or the Starbucks person gets three bucks for just handing you a coffee for doing nothing. So then there's also like, you go to Disneyland and you get the escort. As long as we're talking about prostitution. And it's a minimum of like four hours or six hours. And it's 550 bucks an hour to take you to the front of every line so your kids don't have to wait in line. And then when you're done, your wife's like, we gotta tip her. And I'm like, she's made $3,300 for walking around Disneyland.
Guest
But that's what I'm saying, they don't.
Adam Carolla
Get any of that. They don't get any of it.
Guest
They get what they're being paid for.
Adam Carolla
Listen, you go to Burke Williams, you get a 50 minute massage, it's 200 bucks. And they're like, you gotta tip them. And I'm like, let the Burke or Williams give them some of that money. They don't get any of that money. Like, okay, we should do that. I'll do that with my staff. Josh, tip all these guys. And then you go, why? And I go, I don't pay them. I choose not to pay anybody. So here's, here's where I find you tip prostitutes.
Guest
But that's interesting that you draw the line, that prostitute for me. If I'm paying you. If you're a handyman you come to my house and you do your job or your housekeeper.
Adam Carolla
Yes.
Guest
And you don't work for a company. But I pay you. I'm not tipping you because I just paid you. Yeah, I know. You get all of that money if you're my handyman. Right. And you get all of that money.
Adam Carolla
All I used to do is work on people's houses. All I used to do is go into people's houses. I've never got a tip.
Guest
Okay, so you get all the money. But if you're. This is what I'm saying. If you work for somebody and get an hourly wage and you're providing a service, I will tip you because I know that they're. The company is taking most of the money.
Adam Carolla
Okay.
Guest
That's where I kind of draw the line. But that's why I'm saying with a hooker, you're getting all my money already. So include it in the price if you want a tip.
Adam Carolla
But the pimp, you know, there's a gentleman of leisure whose bombs. So that's what we lovingly know about. He's gonna need a little beak dipping.
Guest
I bet you he takes a large percentage of that.
Adam Carolla
That's what I'm saying. That's my argument for tipping her.
Guest
Got it, Got it.
Adam Carolla
I wonder if they pool tips and you know. Yeah. And there's one fat one who doesn't know how to give head. And she's always like, the fat one.
Guest
You're like, the fat one knows how to give head.
Adam Carolla
You know what? I stand correct.
Guest
Yeah. Come on. Let's be honest.
Adam Carolla
That's the one saying she may not be contributing to the pool.
Guest
Right, right, right. As much I hear that as somebody who waited tables forever and ever and ever and ever and ever. And that's how I've always made my money. The tipping is like. Especially back when we were making $2.13 an hour and we didn't get paid minimum wage. You truly just lived on tips.
Adam Carolla
My feeling with the Burke Williams and. Or the restaurant, I feel the same way. When they go, you know, you go, well, you gotta tip the guy pretty good. Cause that's all he gets paid. I'm like, but I feel like the restaurant should pay him and not leave it up to me. And the same with Burke Williams. Like, it's a 50 minute massage. You charge me 165 bucks. There's enough money around to give that person $50 an hour and leave me out of it.
Guest
Do you feel like you have to tip more because people know who you are?
Adam Carolla
I somehow have escaped the burden of ever thinking, like, you know, sometimes people go, it's gotta be tough. Cause you can't really fart in elevators that are crowded. And I go, why not? Well, I do.
Guest
Cause it's funny.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. I go, people, but people will know you. I always go, who knows me? Like, I walk through life. I've always walked through life with the thought of, nobody's gonna. Nobody. Nobody knows who you are.
Guest
Everybody knows who you are.
Adam Carolla
Oh, all right. But I never think that way, so just do whatever I want.
Guest
Do you fart in elevators?
Adam Carolla
Only when they're crowded.
Guest
Me too.
Adam Carolla
I got to blame somebody. Two men.
Guest
Now, I do like farting, also in an elevator when I'm there by myself, because I know somebody's coming on, and it's the most awkward three seconds because they walk on, and I'll look right at them, and they know who just left that trap there. And it's fun for me.
Adam Carolla
I had a conversation. You tell me what you think. But I really meant it. I worked. So when I did the Man Show, I did it with Jimmy Kimmel and Daniel Kelsen's other guy. And Daniel's this big, loud guy who's funny and had a lot of energy and thoughts on things. And he told me one day, he goes, you got tip, big man? You got tip? And I go, why? Because people know who you are, right? People know who you are. So you have to tip. And then. And he goes, you don't want the word to get out that you're a light tipper, do you? And I said, yeah, I do. And he said, why do you want the word to get out? I said, well, all right, let's. Let's think about your logic.
Guest
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
I don't want word to get out that I'm a huge tipper because you hear those Frank Sinatra stories or whatever. Like, he got a Arnold Palmer and then bought the guy Cadillac, you know, Like, I don't want.
Guest
Like, that's a burden.
Adam Carolla
I get a $14 cab ride. I don't want the guy expecting $100 tip. I'll give him 10 bucks. You know what I mean? Like, I don't want that kind of expectation. I'd like. I'd like to have people know I'm a fair tipper or fair to Midland tipper. But I want a reputation as a. As a big tipper. I'd be like, oh, yeah, you know, that guy eats pussy for two hours. It's like, don't put that word out.
Guest
That's high Expectations.
Adam Carolla
A lot of disappointed customers.
Guest
I will tell you, that's kind of how I've decided. I walk through life with low exp. I. I like people to think that I'm dumber than I am. So then when I say something just highly above, a little above average intelligent, they're like, he's not that stupid.
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
Guest
It really does make life a lot easier. I hear you on the tipping thing, I. Because I would say $10 tip on a $14 cab ride is a good tip. A hundred dollars is like. I used to travel with Dan Whitney, Larry the Cable Guy and tipper.
Adam Carolla
Done.
Guest
He tipped if there was a string there where he would pull off $100 bills for almost anybody who came in contact with him.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, well, a couple things.
Guest
By the way, super generous dude.
Adam Carolla
I like him. It's easier to tip when you do nothing for a living.
Guest
Like, which we do.
Adam Carolla
Right. When you do construction. It's hard.
Guest
Yes.
Adam Carolla
Tipping. Because that. That 10 bucks is 45 minutes of you on a roof scraping shingles or whatever. It's not you holding a beer, telling fart jokes, you know, so it's. It's easier to tip when you have a kind of job that isn't. Like, you get this much. This much an hour.
Guest
Yeah.
Dawson
Got something on your mind you need to talk about? Forget texting. Just call up a friend so you can hear a voice. It might be old school, but it helps. This healthy suggestion is brought to you by Regents Blue Cross Blue Shield of Oregon. Together we help.
Adam Carolla
All right, I have another thought or two for you. I'm always curious about why we do what we do to ourselves. And I was listening. I have SiriusXM, and I checked on the First Wave channel every once in a while because the 80s channel is oftentimes disappointing. It's got some Paula Abdul and some other horrible stuff in there. But the First Wave, I got turned on to music by listening to new wave or First Wave. Like, it was like early Joe Jackson and of.
Guest
Early Joe Jackson.
Adam Carolla
Early Joe Jackson. Yeah. People don't know. Look sharp and I'm the man.
Guest
Awesome.
Adam Carolla
Awesome. Killer record.
Guest
Yes.
Adam Carolla
Not the melodic Joe Jackson that, you know. Later. Angry Joe Jackson.
Guest
The Joe Jackson was who was like, I wish I could tell everyone I was gay.
Adam Carolla
Yes.
Guest
That kind of punk rock.
Adam Carolla
Yes. Joe Jackson.
Guest
Yes.
Adam Carolla
Early Elvis Costello.
Guest
Yep.
Adam Carolla
Early Graham Parker.
Guest
Yep.
Adam Carolla
All these early pretenders. All these great, great bands and classified.
Guest
That music, by the way.
Adam Carolla
Well, I remember once. Well, so that it's not pop, it's kind of new wave. It was this thing where it's like a bunch of guys in 79, 80, 81 came from England, and it wasn't pop music and it wasn't punk. It was something in between. And it was fast and it was fun, and they were good and they rocked. Maybe the Clash, you know, bands like that. And so every time I check in with First Wave, I'm praying for some old Joe Jackson. I'm the man, Whatever. Whatever. Killer songs from back in the day. And it's called the description. I looked it up online for first wave on SiriusXM. It is alternative music, all right, centered in the 80s, fine. But including legendary artists and cult classic classics from the 70s through the 90s. So I think every once in a while I'm just gonna land on one of those great K rock songs from back in the day. Like I said, just some early pretenders. But I don't find that. I get. They hover around that super mid-80s flock of seagull shit. Synth.
Guest
You're talking about, like the Thompson Twins.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. Fake drum beats. Bullshit. That's what they always play. And I'm like, I don't get it. Why do you have to play that shit, by the way? That shit's on the 80s channel.
Guest
That. But that also, to me, was like the mood. This. The songs they were putting in movies in the 80s.
Adam Carolla
Yes, yes.
Guest
That was like sound. That was like. Soundtrack.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, the soundtrack music from cocktail.
Guest
Yes. 100% that.
Adam Carolla
So that's Wall Street.
Guest
Yeah. That's not the early 80s music.
Adam Carolla
No, it is not first wave or new wave. It's mid wave shit. I think you're. Why can't they play? All right, here's a song.
Guest
It feels like punk pop is what.
Adam Carolla
I brought A song. I listened to a song by Naked Eyes as I was pulling in here today. You don't need the vid, by the way, but you can play it. We can just play the song. You don't need the vid or. I don't know if we have a choice, because now we can hear it. Worst era in music ever. And I don't really think of it as music.
Guest
This is like synth pop, right?
Adam Carolla
But who wants to hear this over the Pretenders, is what I'm saying.
Guest
But it. To me, it doesn't belong on the same station.
Adam Carolla
That's what I'm saying. It's not First Wave.
Guest
It's not something type of music. This is actually next to things like EDM and Screamo.
Adam Carolla
Some of my least favorites should be played on wfag.
Guest
This is. This Is some of my least. And some of my least. Favorite. Least favorite vocal style.
Adam Carolla
It's all. Everything is bad.
Guest
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
All right, well, listen. So somebody programs. This is what I'm saying.
Guest
This isn't even like in the 80s. If this comes on at like a dance club or whatever.
Mayhem Miller
What you.
Adam Carolla
You go. You go do coke.
Guest
Yeah. This is the bathroom.
Adam Carolla
Who needs a freeze? Here we go. Put on Naked Eyes. I'm coming down.
Guest
Yeah, that's exactly. It's a bump song for sure.
Adam Carolla
All right, but here's what I'm saying. Sirius XM programmer, First Wave. Is there anyone you know who likes this song? And then if not, what are we doing?
Guest
But this also, this particular song never even goes anywhere.
Adam Carolla
No, it's just this right here. This, uh. Oh, it's. It's. It's nothing. It's not a thing. It's not. There. There. There are songs that have been written. This. Isn't that one of them? I don't even know how you. How does one write this song?
Guest
Because there's. There's no. That. Was that a transition in the song? I thought a new song was starting, by the way. I was like, is that a new song? Is that a new. It's pretty bad.
Adam Carolla
All right, but here's what I'm saying. There's no governmental agency that forces SiriusXM to play X amount of Naked Eyes.
Guest
But there's gotta be just a limited amount of songs that they think they choose to.
Adam Carolla
Because every time I go on, this is what I hear. I don't hear our beloved Joe Jackson's first album, by the way.
Guest
I think he is one of the. I think for me, the most underrated band ever.
Adam Carolla
All right.
Guest
Might be the K. Might be the Kinks, I think might be. I love early Kinks. I think they're so. They influence so many bands. But Joe Jackson, when I played him, I go, have you ever heard any of his music?
Adam Carolla
Nobody, Nobody.
Guest
Never even heard of the artist.
Adam Carolla
It's. It's. First off, thank God you're here because his first two albums were so fucking kick ass. He was almost revolutionary. And like, I'm the man. That song, outstanding, outstanding. But tons of it, tons of other stuff. It's all good. No one knows who the fuck you're talking about. And if you play Stepping out, they go, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That guy, that guy. But I'm like, no, no. Hit two albums before this. And no. And you wonder why they don't know. Because First Wave on Sirius XM is busy playing Naked Eyes.
Guest
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
They could be playing. Got the time.
Guest
Do you. Did you like how Elvis Costello evolved at all?
Adam Carolla
I would say I enjoyed early Elvis Costello more. But, you know, at some point when he got together with, like, Burt Bacharach and that kind of. You started exploring, sowing his oats or something, and I was like, yeah, all right. Do your thing. You know, Enjoy yourself. But for the most part, the Elvis Costellos, the Joe Jacksons, the Pretenders and bands, even my beloved Graham Parker and bands like that were better in 79 than they were in 89.
Guest
I agree. That's during the era, by the way, when I was. I had my tape to tape and I was recording songs by pressing the buttons at the same time we're recording songs off the radio. I remember I didn't have enough money to buy a record, so I was waiting for. This was like, probably 85 or 86 when. Come on, Feel the noise. Quiet riot.
G
Oh, yeah.
Guest
I remember I waited in my room all day for it to come on the radio, just so I could press record and put it on a cassette.
Adam Carolla
But you know what? Play Is It One More Time by Joe Jackson. Let's see. Play it, like, one more Time. Not. It's not even my favorite Joe Jackson song or anything. You just. You can hear the drive in it. And it's also what we could be hearing on the Sirius XM station versus.
Guest
Is it on any. It's not on the 80s station, is it?
Adam Carolla
No, but we could hear this. It's just. If you never heard either song, you.
Lou Diamond Phillips
Still have to go.
Adam Carolla
This one's a lot more interesting and already. Right.
Josh Wolf
But tell me one more time As.
Adam Carolla
I hold your hand that you don't.
Guest
Love me Tell me one more time.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, Everyone go. Go get the first Joe Jackson M and go get the second one.
Guest
But this feels like punk pop to me.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. That's what it was.
Guest
Yeah. Even. Yeah.
Adam Carolla
Real instruments, not computer robot shitting sounding and.
Guest
But also lyrically interesting.
Adam Carolla
Yes. As opposed to. I don't know what the other one was. I didn't know what they're talking.
Guest
No, no.
Adam Carolla
All right, so what are we doing? You can pot it down, but I'm saying, why? Why? Why do we do this? Why do adults put ketchup on hot dogs? But, you know, why are we ruining everything?
Guest
By the way, the ketchup on hot dog. I can't even. It's. It bothers me a lot, you and I. It bothers me more than it should. When I see my son do that. I'm like, 32 are you doing to that hot dog?
Adam Carolla
I totally agree.
Guest
It's like when we. If I take my. Any of my kids and we go to a steak restaurant and they douse it with, like, a steak sauce, I'm like, eat the meat, dude.
Adam Carolla
Eat the meat. Let me ask you, hypothetically.
Guest
What are you doing?
Adam Carolla
You walk in on your son. Would you rather catch him putting ketchup on the hot dog or putting the hot dog up his ass?
Guest
Probably hot dog in the ass.
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
Guest
I mean, it's not that far from the finger.
Adam Carolla
No, I agree.
Guest
You're gonna be experimental at some point in time.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, it's a phase. It's a. Yeah, I agree. No, I agree. Because the ketchup's a lifetime sentence. This could be a phase. It could grow out of that. But the ketchup thing, now there's no turning back.
Guest
No, there. Really. That is a slippery slope.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. Yeah. Good. You're simpatico.
Guest
By the way, if he's listening, I don't want to catch you with the hot dog in your ass either.
Adam Carolla
But if I had to choose. But if you have to choose, you have to choose. All right, let's see, the other thing I was thinking about. I was watching Different Strokes last night.
Guest
Love it.
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
Guest
And what channel was that on?
Adam Carolla
I have. I don't know. I just know there's those stupid Tricks channel or Poppy channel. Stupid. They play all the stupid stuff, you know. I really don't know. It just was on.
Guest
Got it.
Adam Carolla
And so, of course, I was obliged to watch because a. It's a weird thing where, like, Kimberly and Mr. Drummond and Arnold and Willis are all, like, standing in the kitchen. Then I have to do the. Well, everyone is dead except for the drug addict.
Guest
Yeah. Wait, is Kimberly dead?
Adam Carolla
Oh, yeah.
Guest
Was she all. Oh, she took a bad turn, too, right?
Adam Carolla
She took a bad turn.
Guest
Yeah, that's right. That's right.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. Everyone's gone but Todd Bridges. So, you know, you watch these sitcoms, and you're like, everybody in this kitchen's at the height of their powers. You know, they're all gone except for the one guy. And then you start watching weird things. Like, you know, their housekeeper's called Mrs. Garrett, and he's called Mr. Drummond by her. Like, that's just a weird. That's something that would never happen. Right. No. Right.
Guest
You wouldn't call the housekeeper Mrs. Garrett.
Adam Carolla
And they wouldn't call you Mr. Drummond, either.
Guest
Yeah, yeah. I'm trying to think what my housekeeper calls me. I don't. She doesn't actually address Me at all. I don't think she's ever addressed me, but okay.
Adam Carolla
Well, then also, the way people dress, like they come downstairs wearing, like, a sweater vest with a tie and stuff, and they're just going to the park.
Guest
Yeah, yeah. It's different.
Adam Carolla
Like, they. Everything is. Everything is different. But I noticed that the two kids. Also, any scenario where you adopted a kid or there was a new marriage, like in the Brady Bunch or like in Family Affair, where Uncle Bill got the two kids, both parents died.
Guest
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
It's never like, look, with the black kids when they end up at the uncle's house. It's not because both parents die. One's incarcerated, the other's on the pipe. You know, it's not both parents die. Statistically, I think it's a zero. But that's how they roll it out, right? So in Family Affair, Buffy and Jody, the two kids, both parents died in different strokes. Both parents died in the Brady Bunch, both spouses died.
Guest
It's just cleaner tv.
Adam Carolla
It's cleaner tv, but when you're, you know, five and your mom and your dad die, you wake up with night terrors, like, every fucking night. There was no scene where the kid needed lots of therapy and medication, because when both your parents die, they each. Buffy and Jody, they never spoke of them. They seem to fucking flawlessly get past both parents dying quite.
Guest
Maybe it was like a Menendez brother situation.
Adam Carolla
No harm, no foul. Your parents are dead. You were nine. No problem.
Guest
When I. Okay, so I was a single dad for a while, right? And I was raising my kids, and I had sold a TV show. And so in the TV show, the mom was out of the picture because she was in real life. Okay? And we hand in the script, and one of the first notes that the tea that they gave us was, can't the mom live down the street?
Adam Carolla
Right.
Guest
It feels really sad if it's just the dad. And I said, yeah, but they're single mom shows where the dad's out of the picture and you never see him.
Adam Carolla
Right.
Guest
And they were like, that's less sad.
Adam Carolla
Right?
Guest
And so one of the sticking points was they wouldn't let me just remove the mom. I didn't kill her.
Adam Carolla
Right.
Guest
She just moved in a different. Lived in a different state.
Adam Carolla
Right.
Guest
It was crazy.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, it is crazy. Mostly women probably pushing that agenda that you're dealing with.
Guest
They were just not. Yeah. It's.
Adam Carolla
Whatever reason was it for.
Guest
It was a ABC show potentially.
Adam Carolla
You know, networks got really caught up in feelings and, like, you're trying to do the comedy. And they're trying to do the feelings part.
Guest
Those two, a lot of times don't match up.
Adam Carolla
They mostly don't, because in order to do the comedy, you have to be mean to people. And they don't like the optics of the dad being mean to a stepson or whatever that is. But, yeah, they got way too caught up in good vibes and not so much in the comedy.
Guest
You know what I find about standup? Right now we're at an interesting time where we're going back to being able to be a little more open about what we want to talk about and how we want to say things. But you know what I think the bummer is there are people who do that type of comedy at an expert level. You're one of them. Tony Hinchcliffe writes great roast jokes, but now there's a generation of people that just think, oh, I just got to put the word fag in my joke. And it's a joke.
Adam Carolla
Oh, it swung back the other way.
Guest
It's swinging back to where. Yo, yo, yo. And then they're like, well, if you don't get that, then you're a lib tard. No, no, no. I just want.
Adam Carolla
I just want jokes.
Guest
To me, there's no topic off limits. One of my. I'm not a. Look, one of my favorite jokes of all time is a pedophile and a kid walk into a forest. And the kid's like, dude, it's really dark in here. I'm scared. And the pedophile's like, you're scared? I'm the one who's got to walk out of here by myself. Right, Right.
Adam Carolla
Dark.
Guest
Right, right. And so. But I'm not a pedophile. But you're allowed to make joke as there are jokes there. We're swinging back to a time where people are just saying shit to say it.
Adam Carolla
I'm with you. Like when Kevin Hart got into trouble, he was going to host the Oscars, and then they pulled some stuff out. Or they're like, his son. He said if his son was gay. And my take on that was, you're a comedian, you can say whatever you want. I don't like all this rummaging through everyone's past, like, sifting through their garbage to figure out what they. Oh, you had donuts. You know what I mean? Fuck you. But you said you were keto, you spokesperson for Weight Watchers. What the fuck were you eating, Vanny? Camp stone. Okay? We're human. That's the way it is. You know, my Thing is. And I'm with you, but. And then this is my only caveat. When. When Kevin Hart said, if my son were gay, I just hit him with a chair. It's not really a joke.
Guest
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
And so I'm like, I like the idea of you making fun of your son or whatever that thing is, and nothing's off limits. It would be nice if there was a better joke attached to it, because if the joke is. It's sort of like, that is 80% offensive and 20% joke. Yes. What I like is 20% offensive and 80% joke.
Guest
That's what I'm saying.
Adam Carolla
And if you land it, then it's fucking worth it.
Guest
This is what I'm saying.
Adam Carolla
But all you did, Kevin Hart, is turning a kind of lazy, haphazard. I don't want my son to be gay.
Guest
This is what I'm saying. And so for me, I'm with you. I actually. I'm also with you. You're comic. You can say what you want, but don't be lazy and think just saying a certain word makes the joke.
Adam Carolla
I know isn't the joke. I'm reflecting back on my WFAG joke, and now I'm having a shame spiral.
Guest
I think it was pretty funny.
Adam Carolla
Okay.
Guest
Yeah, I wasn't. I was. I mean, it definitely.
Adam Carolla
Do we have a. Do we have that? I know we don't have it, but does the Internet have that Kevin Hart joke where, like, he was supposed to host the Oscars six years ago and they were like, not after telling this joke. And like I said, jokes in comics are much easier to defend when the shit is funny or it's super true. Like, I. They tried to get me in trouble a few times, and I wasn't really telling the joke, but I was on Hannity, and somehow AOC came up and I just blurted out, if she was fat and in her 60s, no one would ever listen to a word she said. And everyone's like, my God, you can't say that. I'm like, yes, I can, because it's 100% true. It's not a true.
Guest
It's actually kind of a compliment. You're calling her young and hot.
Adam Carolla
That's what I. With what I am saying. But I mean, it either has to be super true or super funny and. Or both.
Guest
Yep.
Adam Carolla
But if it's just sort of me going, you know, aoc, that brown bitch. We're not really. We don't have anything there. No.
Guest
And I think you also, as comics, you are hurting. Not hurting, but you're not helping the cause as far as let's talk about whatever, but let's be funny and. And make jokes about it. I'm with you at 20%, 80% ratio. That's right where we should be.
Adam Carolla
Here's this tweet, and it's from 2011, so I'm sure he's evolved. Yo, if my son comes home and is trying to play with my daughter's dollhouse, I'm going to break it over his head and say in my voice, stop, that's gay. Which is not particularly creative or funny or interesting or anything. It just sounds like you really don't want your son to be gay. I used to tell a joke that's a little more evolved, but I'd go, look, I know my son's gonna be gay. I know he's gonna be gay, but I just hope he's a top. He'd be the first Corolla that was ever a top. And start treating it like going to college. Except for being a top, we're all been bottoms for so many years just to be a top. And I was like, all right, I don't do it in my act or whatever anymore, but I do it once in a while. But at least it had a punch. It had something to it.
Guest
I had a joke similar, which is, I really don't care if he's gay. And the gist of it was just be good at it. You know what I mean?
Adam Carolla
Same concept.
Guest
Just be good at it. I just want my kids to be good at whatever they love to do.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. Ultimate Frisbee butt fucking.
Guest
I want you to be great.
Adam Carolla
That's it.
Guest
I just want you to be the best at whatever it is you're doing. I'm with you on that.
Adam Carolla
I have. We do have Arnold and Willis talking. Calling Mr. Drummond. Mr. Drummond. Which is weird for the kids that he's adopted.
Guest
I loved this actor, Grady.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, Sorry, go ahead. Why was you trying to take us.
Josh Wolf
Away from Mr. Drummond?
Adam Carolla
Oh, yeah, that's. That's him. But they. A better illustration when they call to his face Joe. But they do. Oh, they do. Wait, was.
Guest
Was Grady. Was that a crossover from Sanford and Son?
Adam Carolla
No, he just went over and did something else.
Guest
Do you remember growing up, one of the best things is when somebody from one sitcom showed up on another, and you were like, I know the Fox.
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
Guest
I was like, he's on both shows.
Adam Carolla
Look, it's Rallo from Sanford Son.
Guest
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was such a great.
Adam Carolla
The little victories of when we were kids. You know?
Guest
But why is he wearing. What are those things called?
Adam Carolla
The thing, the ascot. All right, so here he's calling his adopted dad Mr. Long time ago.
Josh Wolf
In other words, you don't know what killed him.
Guest
Look, Mr.
Josh Wolf
Junior, you done a nice thing promising.
Adam Carolla
Mama you take care of us, but.
Josh Wolf
Arnold and me ain't gonna take no charity.
Guest
Hey, I.
Adam Carolla
All right, Mr. Drummond. I'm just saying. I feel like in the cab ride, when I picked the kids up and they called me Mr. Carolla before we got to the penthouse in Manhattan, I would have went, it's. It's just dad or Adam.
Guest
Yeah, yeah. If you're not ready for dad, let's go with Adam.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, but Mr. Carolla is not.
Guest
Feels kind of formal.
Adam Carolla
My mom, who hated her mom, called her mom Helen. She did not call her mom.
Guest
Was that like, just to poke at her?
Adam Carolla
Yes, it was. But the crazy part, you know, when you become an adult and you then speak to family members as an adult, not a kid anymore, even though that was your relationship for the first 18 years. But now you're 36 and you're making money and you've got your own problems and responsibilities and mortgages and stuff, and you drive a nice car. And I said to my grandma, I go, mom calling you Helen instead of mom when you would have a party or something. And she was like, 13, did you sort of say to her, just call me mom?
Guest
Oh, she called her Helen from and from childhood all the way through.
Adam Carolla
And my grandmother, who was such a fucking hard ass, was like, why? And I was like, I don't know, uncomfortable or something. It seemed weird. What's weird? She's your daughter. My name's Helen. One time, when she was explaining that her brother blew his head off inside of the 900 square foot house they inherited off of Witsit in North Hollywood, I'm like, he blew his head off in the house? Yeah. And then what happened? Oh, we moved in, like, three days later. But in the house? Yeah. Like in the office? Well, it was. Your grandfather took it over as an office. I go, isn't that uncomfortable or something? Why? I go, I don't know. People have feelings about that. Why? I go, I. I said, there is a real estate law that someone kills themselves in the house, like within the last three years. You have to divulge it. She goes, get the out of here. People have thoughts about things that, like. Like this stuff. She's like, why? And I realized, oh, she was so hard and fucked up that she wanted to know why. I was curious about her brother putting a fucking gun in his mouth inside their 900 square foot house. And then them going, oh, good, we got a free house. Now, why that was would be a weird thing for other people.
Guest
It doesn't feel like an easy cleanup either.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, I'm sure, you know, the marshals. Somebody mopped up before grandfather threw down the.
Guest
You had to throw a rug over.
Adam Carolla
And maybe rerun down.
Guest
Yeah, everybody, everything.
Adam Carolla
The ceiling, get out the drum sander. We gotta do the hardwood.
Guest
Yeah, that feels like a tough cleanup for sure.
Adam Carolla
Oh, God.
Guest
But they different time. You know, my grandmother straight up told us, if the dog's in the house, I'm not in the house. When I get there, the dog goes outside. Why is the dog in the house?
Adam Carolla
Oh, yeah.
Guest
She would not.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, yeah.
Guest
There was no bend on that. She was like, that's an animal that lives outside, and you don't bring that animal inside. And we were like, but it's our pet. And she was like, nah, me or the dog?
Adam Carolla
Yeah, yeah.
Guest
I mean, honestly, we would have been like, all right, Grandma.
Adam Carolla
No, that's what we have. That's all. That's the reason. I mean, that's right now, we don't have that in this country, but we have it with, like, refugees, like people who come here. Like, if you get the housekeeper, the maid from Guatemala or something, she'll go, why is the dog allowed on the bed? And you go, because she sleeps with me. You sleep with a dog, like in their country, it's an insult to go. He lays down with dogs. Dogs. He should be with the dogs.
Guest
You know, it's like tick tocks with dogs drinking milk out of people's mouth.
Adam Carolla
They are so repulsive. Rightfully so. They're right. We're ugly Americans for this shit.
Guest
Well, I definitely am not letting my dog drink out of my mouth.
Adam Carolla
Yes.
Guest
That feels a little overboard.
Adam Carolla
Good point.
Guest
All right, I'll take a kiss, though.
Adam Carolla
You walk in your son's room, he's either putting ketchup on a hot dog, putting a hot dog up his ass, or letting the dog drink milk out of his mouth.
Guest
I might go with the hot dog still.
Adam Carolla
What if the hot dog. What if the hot dog has ketchup on it as it's going up his mouth?
Guest
Yeah, I'm going dog in the mouth.
Adam Carolla
All right, all right, fair enough, Fair enough. I like when people say fair enough twice. That means you're out of shit to say, okay, okay.
Guest
Fair enough is what it is.
Adam Carolla
Fair enough. It is what it is. Fair enough. We'll agree to disagree. Fair enough. All right, Mayhem's out there. He's got the news. We'll do that right after this. Hey, I'm Adam Kroll. That's Brad Williams and Jay Leno. Hey, everybody over there. We're doing our third annual comedy fantasy camp. That's going to be January 23rd through the 26th, right. In Hollywood, California. Where else would it be? These guys are going to be there.
Guest
Remember, two out of every three comics.
Adam Carolla
Make it big or one and a half. Do I get paid for this?
Josh Wolf
Please tell me to get paid for this.
Adam Carolla
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Lou Diamond Phillips
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Adam Carolla
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Dawson
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Guest
This is my son's, one of his greatest ones. Right? I got an iPad for a gift, and I didn't know how to set it up, so I gave it to him, and I go, man, will you set this up for me? I don't know how to do it. He goes, yo. And he brings it back later, and he goes, here you go, dad. All set up. Just so you know, your iPad is the cloud. Everything from everybody's devices goes to your iPad. Everybody hearing that. Everything from everybody's devices, my iPad. So I'm scrolling through pictures from the road, seeing what I want to post, you know, looking through, looking through, looking through. And as a man, when you're sitting on your own bed, looking at your own iPad, looking at your pictures, you never want this sentence to leave your mouth. I stop on a picture and I go, well, that's not my dick.
Lou Diamond Phillips
Josh Wolf on the Adam Carolla show.
Adam Carolla
Josh has dates. Great on stage, by the way. I've shared the stage with Josh. And you got dates, but do you have a website?
Guest
Yeah. Comedianjoshwolf.com.
Adam Carolla
There it is. All right, good. Mayhem in studio Mayhem. My part of my new policies. I like to pass along compliments, and for some reason, after watching Enough Different Strokes, I found myself looking at some of your old fights. And I saw you fight Robbie Lawler, who's, like, the baddest, the toughest motherfucker on the planet. Like, I mean, he's just scary. South Pole, never.
G
Not a natural one.
Adam Carolla
Throw a big right hand right at your head.
Guest
Really?
Adam Carolla
They turned him around. Yeah, he just seen that guy in some epic battles, never given up, just dishing it out, crazy fights. And I was watching. I was. I was watching Mayhem tap him out at a certain point and then jump up on the ring ropes and just fucking stand there. And I thought, you know, that feeling. And I don't think a lot of people, you know, can experience that feeling. You know, it's not like winning an award or even being on the New York Times bestseller list or something like that. That stuff is all good. But there's something about, for me, maybe standing on the podium, winning a race and spraying champagne, just that moment, like, it can only. You can only live for about 15 or 20 seconds, but it's there. It's never recaptured. It's there. You know what I mean? And most people go through their entire. Both my parents went through their entire life without one of those moments, you know, and, like, being proud of your kid for Graduating high school or something. It's all good. But it's not that moment where you really don't even have control over your own body.
Guest
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
You know that.
Guest
But this one, especially when you're. It's just you and another dude and this is like almost like survival, but.
G
It'S the most intimate thing you could do with another man. Straight man.
Adam Carolla
Yes.
G
You're sweating and bleeding on each other. You know, you're. You're bonded after that. Like, you know, there's something about it that's transcends normal human interaction.
Guest
Is that why after the fight it's all respect generally because you're like, I know what you went through. I know what, what took for you to get here. And we just tried to kill each.
G
Other, like, win or lose, you know, you was in a fight. You know what I mean? We gave each other our all, you know, so there's certain amount of respect that needs to be passed through one another.
Guest
It's like an open mic.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, you can smell the guy's fucking breath on the mic. My first 20 minutes on flossing. All right, what's in the news, man?
G
You know what? Your probably third favorite felon of all time is in the news?
Guest
Yeah.
G
Martha Stewart. She pushes Drew Barrymore away during a touchy interview. I'm waiting to see this footage.
Adam Carolla
I love photos. What makes you soft and gooey, though? What makes me soft and gooey? Soft and gooey. Yeah, treatment. Soft and gooey treatment. When you're treated like a lady. Nicer. It's nice. Someone. Someone comes in and you're the wrong gender.
Guest
I know.
Adam Carolla
Push your way.
G
Yeah. I don't get that. Really? Drew Barrymore is pulling a Kevin Spacey on her. Kind of over touching.
Guest
I gotta tell you, I like Martha Stewart.
Adam Carolla
I do too.
G
We all do.
Guest
I love. She is a hard ass. She is. No nonsense. I love Martha Stewart and I love Drew Barrymore. All the clips I see, she's super touchy with her guests and I'm always like, wow, that is.
G
She is very annoying.
Guest
That's.
G
I listen, like, you know, if I'm going to rank, Kelly Clarkson's pretty bad on daytime tv, but man, Drew Barrymore just makes me. My skin boil.
Guest
I am a Drew Barrymore fan. Just because Charlie fan Charlie.
G
Oh, there you go.
Guest
Okay, you're right, you're right, E.T. but Martha, that move, I'm on board for it, dude.
Adam Carolla
It's.
G
Listen, Martha been to the joint. She's lucky.
Guest
Yeah. She's got one in her pocket.
G
Oh, you're Damn right.
Adam Carolla
Prison pocket. No, I like, you know. You know what I realize as a guy who's kind of a hard ass in myself, but I'm not really a hard ass. I just don't have that gooey place that people think is lurking somewhere, you know, where they like, it's really.
Guest
They're just gonna bring it out of you and you're like, yeah.
Adam Carolla
They go, where does that place you go to? And I'm like, not really. I don't have that place. And they go, yeah, but really. And so the people that, that have it, it's like every once, every, like once every seven years, I'll run into someone who doesn't like barbecue. And I don't understand it. I'm like, yeah, but good barbecue, they go, yeah, I don't like bar. Yeah, but ribs, they go, yeah, yeah, but you know, hickory shots. No, I don't. Yeah, but I do. So that's me. But you don't.
Guest
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
You know what I'm saying? And I don't, I don't have that gooey place. And I, I don't think Martha Stewart has the gooey place.
Guest
No.
Adam Carolla
And I think she's Drew Barrymore's going, where is the gooey place? And the answer is there isn't a gooey place.
Guest
0Gooey on Martha.
Adam Carolla
0Goo.
Guest
Just in her chocolate chip cookies.
G
Yeah. She's painted over with Christmas cookies.
Guest
You know who doesn't use raisins in her food?
Adam Carolla
Fucking Martha Stewart.
Guest
100%.
G
Yo, man, I was listening to you guys. Why are you so racist against raisins?
Adam Carolla
I will say, they're both like, what.
G
Do you put, what do you mean to me? I'm like, raisins is original candy, bro. That's human beings figuring out. If I just leave this grape laying around, oh my God, it turns into a morsel. It's so delightful.
Guest
Why don't you just eat the grape?
G
It's so delightful.
Adam Carolla
You leave a grape laying around and a fucking dinosaur is going to eat it. That's what I know from history. But here's. I will say this, and I wanted to bring it up, but we were getting so intense about raisins. There's a seldom seen golden raisin which is better than regular raisins that nobody buys. Like, if you are going to buy yourself raisins, if you want to throw raisins over some granola or you just want them as an alternative to a Snickers bar or something, get golden raisins. They're a little bigger. They're a little juicier and they're a little better.
Guest
I'll go one step further. I like the golden berry because it's like a little sour patch Kid.
Adam Carolla
What is the golden.
Guest
You've never had a golden berry. They are sour, but they're delicious.
G
Wait, what fruit is a golden berry? It's a golden berry.
Guest
Literally, you are asking.
G
Sorry, bud. I'm like.
Guest
It's like a dried. It's a golden berry.
G
I'm going to shoot a question off to Martha Stewart.
Adam Carolla
That feels like a gay position to me. You want to go reverse cowboy or you want to go for the golden berry?
Guest
I'll go with the hot dog.
Adam Carolla
Is Barry still live, by the way?
Guest
Yo, that somebody made a Barry diamond reference the other day to me and I was like, get the out of here. Do you remember?
Adam Carolla
Yeah, yeah.
Guest
That is an old school comic. That's Bachelor Party. Tom Hanks, Barry Diamond.
Adam Carolla
Oh, yeah. All right. Sorry. Mayhem. We like. Look, can I say this too? I'm so tired of the myth. And it's sort of. It's part and parcel to a bigger picture. It's like we just had the elections. They're running. Those commercials are like, your man won't let you vote for Kamala, but you do it secretly like this. What year is it? What society we live in? Fuck. Every woman I know would just vote however the fuck she wanted. She would never dream and I would never dream of telling her. She would never dream of cowering in fear that she was going to vote for someone other than me. Number one. Number two, the fact that they say men would be intimidated to be with someone like Martha Stewart. You know, someone who. A business magnet who is making all this money. Are you fucking nuts? To never have to think about money ever again. And to fly privately fucking love it. I would love to have Martha Stewart, but they do this thing where most men couldn't handle it. It's like fucking you.
Guest
I would love to handle it.
Adam Carolla
I would love to at least attempt to handle it.
Guest
Yeah, now you would. Definitely. Martha feels like somebody who's taking control in the bedroom, too.
G
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
All right.
G
Yeah. I mean, look, I mean, taking a pegging from Martha Stewart, not so bad.
Guest
Yeah, Taking a hot dog with ketchup.
G
From Martha Stewart, it's not bad. Hey, Oprah, give me a goldenberry.
Guest
Zero chance Martha Stewart puts ketchup on her hot dog. Zero chance. Don't you dare say that.
Adam Carolla
Not only that, I would bet you that if you went to her house for some sort of fourth of July Festivities where she had hot dogs, but in a kind of ironic way. But there were kosher and pure beef and whatever. And she was laying them out for people. And if you said to her, I'm sorry, is there ketchup in the. You would not be invited to the next party. Party. That's my thought, dude.
Guest
I think she. She's gay. She would have you removed some really big. When you went in to use the bathroom, some big dude would be like.
G
No, no, it's not a big dude, bro. It's prison rules. Okay, so it's a four on one, we rat pack you out of it or four on one, just keep punching you until the guards drag you out.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, exactly.
G
Hey, next up.
Adam Carolla
Hey.
G
The home of Chief Patrick Mahomes.
Adam Carolla
Patrick Mahomes. Yes.
G
Travis Kelce. They're both. Their homes were burglarized in the KC area. Yep. During the game, the police were called to his Kansas City area home on midnight, October 6th.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, I mean, this happened to the Dodgers. It happens to everybody, which is you have these athletes. Not in this case, but like, Yasiel Wieg was like, wearing all this gold and nuggets and watches and chains and everything. And then, you know, he's on a four game road trip. And as we've learned, like, sadly and weirdly about security, it's not what we've made it out to be.
Guest
Can I tell you, there's not only that their schedule has been posted almost six months in advance. So you can case. Which is why I have dogs at my house that are. When people, like, when I walk my dogs, my dogs aren't friendly.
Adam Carolla
Right.
Guest
And they're like, you should train your dogs. I'm like, they are trained. They're trained so that when you come to my house, you know, oh, that dog, if I step in there, is gonna fucking kill me.
Adam Carolla
But I'm saying, like, in general, like, just think about, like, historically, like a beetle. George Harrison was stabbed multiple times because he just came downstairs and there was a dude standing inside of his house. Like, you go, you're fucking George Harrison. You should have an electrified fence. You should have a guy with a turtleneck standing out front with a clipboard.
Guest
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
Like, and it's like the queen got up and walked into the bathroom and there was a person standing who jumped the fence.
Guest
How does that work?
Adam Carolla
They're like, literally in the White House sometimes they're in the King Queen's castle. They're in. You know, Mariah Carey came downstairs and there was a homeless guy beating off in her entrails.
Guest
Like, is that true?
Adam Carolla
I made that one.
Josh Wolf
Okay.
G
I mean, they never reported it.
Adam Carolla
Well, we don't know. It didn't happen.
Guest
I was like, how'd I miss that one?
G
Well, because I told Adam off the air, I did it.
Adam Carolla
Mayhem told me.
G
I was real high. Mariah Carey's house was right there.
Adam Carolla
I'm saying, where's the security? These are the richest people in the world. In all the movies, there's always a guy standing there with the clipboard and you can't come in. Or a gate, you know, like in a heist movie. They're like the gates electrified. We gotta disable the two guys with dogs or whatever they got. They got guys that are strapped.
G
Lasers. Don't forget laser.
Adam Carolla
But in real life, you just walk into the.
Guest
Patrick just has a ring camera.
Adam Carolla
That's.
Guest
That's all he's got.
Adam Carolla
He's got more than that.
G
No, no, by. By a security guard. So the security, like, realized it happened and then called the cops.
Guest
Where was security?
G
I don't know. Travis Kelsey got it, too. 20 grand in cash was stolen from his house.
Guest
But you gotta know, okay, either you're not hiding that 20 grand, or somebody knows where that 20 grand is.
G
Nah, but 20 grand is laying around the house if you're Kelsey, I think.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, but. But we're saying inside job.
Guest
Yeah, yeah, the 20 grand.
Adam Carolla
We have a tape of Martha Stewart talking about hot dogs. There we go. Buckle up.
G
Here's the important, important part.
Guest
Martha, what do you prefer, hot dogs or hamburgers?
Adam Carolla
Definitely hot dogs.
Josh Wolf
I love hot dogs with the works.
Adam Carolla
It has to have bacon, ketchup, relish.
G
I told you guys. I told you guys.
Guest
Mustard.
Josh Wolf
Yeah, sounds awesome.
Guest
Toasted bun. Okay, can I just tell you, by the way, when she said definitely hot dogs, I got a little hot.
G
I got a little 3/4 chunks of movement.
Guest
I was like, oh, yeah, kind of sexy.
Adam Carolla
Dude, listen, I agree, but. Okay, here's the deal. Ketchup nullifies the sauerkraut. Mustard enhances the sauerkraut. Ketchup. What are you doing with ketchup?
G
Gives a little. A little sweet tang.
Adam Carolla
That's just a cluster fuck. Bacon. Get the fuck out of here.
Guest
Now I will say, if I'm drunk and I'm leaving a bar and you're wrapping the hot dog with bacon, I might put that down, but bacon bits or some shit like that kick rocks.
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
G
Oh, here's a nice picture of the lady.
Guest
Yeah, I'll use that later.
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
G
Logged.
Adam Carolla
I like her feeling stiff.
Dawson
Put your Hands in the air like you just don't care. Or maybe like you do care. Move your arms behind your back. Do some gentle twist. Twist with your core and repeat. This healthy suggestion is brought to you by Regents Blue Cross Blue Shield of Oregon. Together we health.
Adam Carolla
Hey.
G
A YouTuber brags about buying a $39,000 home on Amazon, but he didn't read the fine print. Yeah, apparently zero electrical outlets. So this guy just didn't buy the electrical package and ended up with just essentially a cardboard box.
Adam Carolla
There's.
Guest
It's called a shed. Yeah, that's what those are.
Adam Carolla
Called them in the 70s.
Guest
Those are called sheds. Yeah, you keep your lawnmower in it.
G
But it's sort of like a prefab deal where you unhinge each, like, piece and drill it together and. Yeah, there's nothing in there. No electrical, nothing.
Adam Carolla
They're getting to the point.
Guest
That's a shed.
Adam Carolla
It's a shipping container.
G
Shipping container. Yeah, you're right.
Adam Carolla
Right. With the. With a French door on it that I call freedom doors because I'm an American. But, yeah, it's a container. We're getting into the prefab world here a little bit. There's also.
Guest
I don't mind the idea of this.
Adam Carolla
I don't mind the idea of it either.
Guest
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
But we're gonna start being able to crank out these houses a little faster. But they don't have. Or he doesn't have electrical in his house, which is. You gotta put all that shit in first now. But see, here's the deal. His is a steel shipping container, which means he cannot pull romex or conduit through the wall and bury it in the wall. It's gotta be surface mounted.
G
Yeah. Fish tape it through rigid.
Adam Carolla
You can't fold it.
Guest
Unfold his house.
Adam Carolla
Fish tape it through the rigid. That's a surface mounted. Yeah.
Guest
He just unfolded his house.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, but back where I come from.
G
We call that a double wide.
Adam Carolla
Mm.
G
That's like nothing new to me. This should get blown away in the tornado.
Adam Carolla
I feel like everyone should stop filming themselves doing everything.
Guest
I agree with you.
Adam Carolla
Like, I. There's people like, this is the best shrimp cocktail I've ever had. And it's like, okay, can you just fucking go out and eat? Or do you have to have your buddy film you eat?
Guest
Everybody's telling me the pictures of food and that that stuff is not. I think we've had enough of what your eggs look like.
Adam Carolla
Yes, I agree. Not interesting.
Guest
If you want to do something like stick him in your ass.
Adam Carolla
Yes, Also later on when you're convicted of some horrible felony, that's all we're going to have is hours of you sampling food and it's going to be all over the news. Lower profile would be nice.
Guest
I agree.
Adam Carolla
All right, so he has his prefab house, but he does not have, have any electricity.
Guest
So how does he fix that? What's his move?
Adam Carolla
So if you would like to put electrical where electrical isn't. Yeah, you can go the white trash way, which is basically taking a channel. They have surface mount stuff, which is electromagnetic tubing, EMT which is rigid. And you see it in industrial application where you see it on the wall at the conduit. And then that'll go to a four gang box or two gang box or an LB and they'll pull the wires through it. But there's a cheap motel and cheap apartment version. You ever see this one where it's like somebody decided to put a ceiling fan up in the room, but they didn't want to bust into the ceiling and drill holes in the joists and pull wires. So there's this weird service mount, weird brown cap thing that's like a U shaped thing where the wire sits on the wall and it goes. It's real white trash, super janky. Super janky.
Guest
She could do that in here.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, you would, you would do that. Or you would go to the outside, pull rigid, put rigid conduit, pull wires through it and then pop in through the inside with an outlet.
G
I figure that's the way it would be done because it's such a, like a small angle on this shipping container.
Adam Carolla
It's like, and it's all steel, like thick steel. So you couldn't pull it through the studs. You'd have to surface mount, you know, 39,000.
Guest
I don't hate that.
Adam Carolla
No, I don't.
Guest
I don't hate that.
Adam Carolla
I don't either.
Guest
It's a big shed.
Adam Carolla
I mean, it's also nuts because I was just like driving through a fair to Midland to boring part of Glendale today and I was looking at these little shitty ranch houses. I'm like, that's 1.8. That's 2.2. I'm like, for a shitty ranch house in Glendale?
Guest
Yeah. That's so crazy.
G
But it's also the land, you know, like expensive to live in that area.
Adam Carolla
I know. But as somebody who grew up, I grew up out here. All my friends were blue collar losers, basically. They worked, you know. My two best friends. One's mom was a cocktail waitress. Like she was like 56, and she was a cocktail waitress. You know, the dad made like, orthodontia shit, like, made false teeth, like, at home. But he wasn't a citizen, so he had to, like, do it under the table. My other friend's dad owned a small transmission shop in Hollywood, and his mom worked at a book bindery. These were like basic garbage man, school teacher, working, like, worked at a cafeteria kind of job. They all own these houses in Valley Village in north. They were $62,000. Both parents were. They're 2.7 million bucks today. I don't know any school teachers or people that work at book. So strange binderies that could do a 2.7. Yeah, you owe you 20%, so you figure about 530 down. I can't buy my kid braces.
G
Wait, you know, I don't know. I'm not educated on this. Is this because there's a bunch of, like, foreign money? That's what I heard. That everybody's buying up all the houses around here, like China and Russia and all these guys, and it artificially inflates the price for a regular American.
Adam Carolla
There is a he said, she said version of everything that ills us as a society. So you go, the border's open. So you go, the border's wide open. And then the right goes, that's the left trying to import more people to vote for them. They're gonna give them. They're gonna make them citizens. They don't want voter id and these people are gonna vote. And then the left goes, that's just big business recruiting more free labor for their big chicken farms, you know? And the answer is they're both right, you know? And they go, okay, there's that version of everything. Like, yeah, the Chinese or Blackrock is buying all the things. And there's that. But there's also this over regulated, too. Bureaucratic. Can't build.
G
Oh, yeah.
Adam Carolla
So it's so expensive to build anything because of all the crazy environmental impact reports and regulations that they just moved to Texas and build shit cheap. And then the same people that made all the regulations go, we don't have enough housing because the average unit is $930,000 of a small apartment here.
Guest
Is that what it is?
G
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
Oh, when they talk about those homeless things, it's like, oh, 700 square feet is a million dollars unit, you know?
G
Yeah, but we can get them. That's four people living. That little 39,000 thing right there. Put that on skid rope.
Adam Carolla
Oh, yeah, No. I saw footage of Mexicans hiding In the fender of a Ford Julie the other day. They don't need that much space. Wow. You can live in the fender of a Julie. You don't need 6,200 square feet.
Guest
You also said Mexicans, plural, Not.
Adam Carolla
I think there were not. Peter built a Ford. I have a Dually. There may be one in this parking lot if my guys drove it up the Ford Dually or Chevy makes a Dually. Ram makes a Dually. All it is is the full size pickup truck with the two rear. The big fenders. Yeah, the big fiberglass fenders. Putting Mexicans in a Fender of a Dually. Like, I tipped my cap to the guy who came out, by the way.
Guest
If you're trying that hard.
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
Guest
You're the kind of person we actually want in the country. You know we are. You're willing to ride in the fender of a truck for.
Adam Carolla
Right?
Guest
Yeah. You seem like a hard worker.
G
600 miles through the desert.
Adam Carolla
Dawson, is. That footage is out there somewhere.
Lou Diamond Phillips
I've seen it. I think I saw it on Twitter today.
Adam Carolla
Border Patrol was like, taking apart.
Guest
That is insane.
Adam Carolla
Now you know what the comedy is? Some guy just got a totally loaded $86,000 RAM 4x4 dually and he's polishing it and everything. And he's going to Tijuana to drop off something. And you see him going through the border and they stop him and they get the saws all out and he's like, well, what's going on? What's in the fender? No, no, there's nothing in the Fender. Get the cutting wheel out. No sparks flying out my pussy wagon. You know that's gonna happen, right?
Guest
Sorry, our bad.
G
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
It turns out you defend her. There you go.
Guest
That's insane.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. Dawson, you can find it. It was on Twitter. I think I saw it somewhere. Yeah, it's gotta be some. It's gotta be right there. Cause I saw it yesterday, too. It may have been more than one. But anyway, all I'm saying is if you can live in the fender of a Dually, then low cost housing should be a cinch.
Guest
Yeah, great. But how? What makes you even think about looking in the fender?
G
I don't know.
Adam Carolla
Border Patrol looks everywhere, but they're like, oh, man, that fender just fart video, bro. Oh, what the hell? Is there two people in the fender, Dude?
G
Like the Age of Aquarius.
Guest
But wait, how did they get off to begin with? They put them in and then they sealed it back up. Yeah, and then how do you, like. What tips you off as a border guy? That there is somebody literally inside the truck.
G
He's watching YouTube.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. I don't know if they have like a sonogram or something or.
Guest
Dog starts barking, somebody sends you a ticket. Are you here yet?
G
No, I watched that boring show. Yeah? Yeah, motherfucker.
Adam Carolla
You want to talk about farting in an elevator?
G
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
Try farting in a dually fender, dude.
Guest
And they're ass right there. That is a tough place.
G
Yin and yang.
Adam Carolla
That is crazy.
Guest
I would have never even thought to look. Wow. I wonder how many. I wonder how many people made it before they were like, we should start looking in the trucks.
G
That guy paid 10 grand for that ride too. You know, you pay. I ran into some guys in my travels that do this kind of work where they.
Adam Carolla
Oh, yeah, yeah.
G
Where they coyote people over the border.
Guest
How much?
G
Like 10 grand? 30. Could be up to 30 grand to get snuck into the United States like this. It's a big business. Cartel's got it on lock.
Adam Carolla
Did you. Do they see what kind of truck it was or did they say, I.
G
Mean, if you could see the.
Guest
When you, when you.
Adam Carolla
I think it's a Dodge.
Guest
When you sell the truck, can you add that to the seating? Seats 12.
Adam Carolla
It seats for white people, but 12 Mexicans. Mexican. I'd put that in there.
G
Oh, my goodness.
Adam Carolla
You should put that. Every, Every car thing goes. Sits. Since five white adults and 26 Mexicans, it should be on every sticker, like right. Right next to the fuel gas mileage. That'd be so awesome.
Guest
Yeah, I mean, it really could up to you. You could really sell the truck for a lot more if you. City and Highway 8 more people actually inside the truck, right?
Adam Carolla
Oh, yeah. No, you're not.
G
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
Not four white people. Yeah. Four white adults.
G
Yeah. It's like city and highway, 12 Mexicans. Same deal.
Adam Carolla
Same deal.
G
White and Mexican. Hey, Betsy DeVos joins Trump's call to disband the Department of Education and re. Empower families.
Adam Carolla
I can't wait.
G
Yeah, I know you're hot on this.
Adam Carolla
I love it.
G
She acknowledges priority.
Adam Carolla
Well, listen, everyone, please listen. When somebody says, I want to dismantle this big, bloated, ineffective bureaucratic mess that. Where nothing good comes out the other end. But you just add administrators every 10 minutes and everyone's getting paid. But the students aren't getting any money, that doesn't make you a bad guy. That makes you a good guy. Somebody tweeted and I don't even know if this true, but they did a meme like, Picture Jimmy Carter, 1979. He started it, the Department of Education. We were number one. Now we're 24. It's not working out. School choice is good. Big bloated bureaucracy is bad. And we just got fucked. During COVID we had all the fucking teachers unions. My kids stayed home for almost two years because the teachers unions had a monopoly and they shut it down. And they also inform the governor and the mayor. They have way too much political power because they give all their money to the candidates. So they basically tell Gavin Newsom what he can do with his state vis a vis the schools. I don't want that. I want to farm it out. I want independent. I want competition.
Guest
I don't. And here's. I may be rare in this, but I don't generally speak on things that I don't know much about about. So I don't. I don't have an opinion on that. I do have an opinion on that. The education system in general eats dicks. And we're. And the fact that we don't seem to be teaching kids to learn, we teach them to take tests is a real bummer.
Adam Carolla
Or we just lower the test scores if we want to get everyone to pass. Now, which is the new world order, it's cooked. We need competition. Competition brings out the best. And MMA fighters brings out the best in comedians. It brings out the best in guys who make tacos. It'll bring out the best in everything. As a matter of fact. Wait a minute. Lou Diamond Phillips, was he in Stand and Deliver?
Guest
Yeah, Right.
G
Yeah, right.
Adam Carolla
That was one of his big movies, right? Oh, tv. Yeah, Let me check. Yeah, he's going to be on in a minute. It. So I think. I think that he's in there, right? Is it on my list?
Guest
I think he's in Stand and Deliver.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, he is. Lamba is kind of what people remember him from, but Stand Deliver was Jaime Escalari, the man.
G
Escalante.
Adam Carolla
Escalante who? You know, he came here in the Fender of a Dually and rose up to the position. Next time I get angry at a Mexican, I'm going to yell, get back in the Fender. Or the Dooley. Go back to your home fucking town.
G
Oh, my God.
Adam Carolla
That's what I'm going to do.
Guest
Oh, God. So crazy. The fender of a Dually is so insane. It really is. I mean, I tip my cap, dude.
Adam Carolla
I do, too.
Guest
For real. Like, that is not something I am willing to. How bad is it where you're like.
G
Yeah, the next administration want to deport all those people?
Adam Carolla
Yeah, but we'll do them in the bed of the dueling. We're not animals. Let him sit in the bed. Come on now, you gotta be decent. Trump's gonna be like, no putting them in the fenders. My policy would be like, whoever you got here, that's how you're gonna go back. If you're in a shipping container, you go back in a shipping. If you're in the fender of a dually, that's how you go back. It's only fair.
Guest
Listen, it's only right. Good business for you, Hall.
Adam Carolla
That's right.
Guest
Yeah, Good business for sure.
Adam Carolla
All right, Lou Diamond Phillips is out there, so I'm going to call a halt to this. Take a quick break, I think. I don't know. You guys want to hang out and talk to Lou Diamond Phillips?
G
Oh, yeah.
Guest
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
It couldn't hurt, right? All right. We'll take a quick break. Be back with Lou Diamond Phillips right after this. O'Reilly Auto Parts, they're in the business of keeping your car on the road. O'Reilly offers friendly, helpful service and the parts and knowledge you'll need for all your maintenance and repairs. I've always gone to O'Reilly. I used to live up in the hills in La Crescent. I'd go the one up on Foothill still there. They've got thousands of parts and accessories in stock, either in store or online, so you never have to worry if you're in a jam. The team at O'Reilly Auto Parts can test your battery for free in or out of your car, which is nice. You don't have to pull it if it needs to be replaced. They'll help you find the right battery for your vehicle. Need your windshield wipers replaced? Brake light fixed? Quick service. They'll help you find the right part or point you to the nearest local repair shop for help as well. Whether you're a car aficionado or an auto novice, you'll find the team at O'Reilly knowledgeable, helpful and best of all, friendly. So the professional parts People at O'Reilly Auto Parts are your one stop shop for all things auto. Do it yourself and you can find what you need in the store or online. Stop by O'Reilly Auto Parts today or visit O'Reilly Auto.com Adam that's O'Reilly Auto.com Adam.
Mayhem Miller
Pluto TV is a place for movie fans like me and TV fans like me. They've got something for everyone and it's free. I love free and I love Jersey Shore. For me, it's the Godfather, SpongeBob SquarePants. I am Patrick. Patrick is me. Oh, Forrest Gump. Come on, Criminal Minds. Solving crime after bedtime. Whatever you love to watch. Pluto TV makes it easy with thousands of free movies and shows. Pluto tv.
Guest
Stream now.
Mayhem Miller
Pay Never.
Adam Carolla
Right now, the American Red Cross is helping and supporting people across the Southeast living with the heartbreaking destruction from Hurricanes Milton and Helene. And with their partners, American Red Cross will be helping for weeks and months to come. Families affected by hurricanes Milton and Helene need your support. Your donation can help the Red Cross provide meals, shelter, and hope to people when they need it most. Please donate today. Go to redcross.org or call 1-800-red cross to donate. Every dollar you can spare helps more than you can imagine. Your support is critical. We cannot do it without you. Donate today@redcross.org got something on your mind.
Dawson
You need to talk about? Forget texting. Just call up a friend so you can hear a voice. It might be old school, but it helps. This healthy suggestion is brought to you by Regents Blue Cross Blue Shield of Oregon. Together we help.
Josh Wolf
And now, Alcoa presents Definitely Not a.
Adam Carolla
Jew on the Adam Carolla Show. Dateline North Liberty, Iowa. A 39 year old man was charged.
Lou Diamond Phillips
With harassment and assault with intent to.
Guest
Inflict serious injury after he tried to.
Adam Carolla
Strangle his mother with a US Flag.
Josh Wolf
Definitely not a Jew.
Adam Carolla
All right. Comedian Josh Wolf's gonna hang with us. Mayhem's gonna hang with us as well. Lou Diamond Phillips is zooming in the new movie get fast. It's available November 15th on VOD and digital. I watched it last night. It's fast, it's action packed, it's funny, it's. Lou's character is great in it. Kind of a homage to your Texas past, I guess. Yeah.
Josh Wolf
You know, I said it's kind of like a Guy Ritchie movie. You know, it's a heist film. It's fast paced, drops you right in the middle of it. It's a Guy Ritchie movie in the respect that pretty much everybody's a bad guy one way or the other. And all these, you know, crazy situations and outlandish characters. And my character is literally called the cowboy. I know I usually play the Indian, but I'm the cowboy and, you know, have such sartorial splendor. I got my duster, I got my hat, you know, and I. And I talk like my dad who actually still lives down in Texas. So I thought, you know, that's the perfect voice for this character.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, it was real funny. I could see you having a good time with it. It's. It's A lot of actions, a lot of violence, some gore. But Lou was having a good time out there.
Josh Wolf
I was. I. You know, I didn't get too bloody. I didn't get too beat up. You know, at my age, Adam, I don't bounce the way I used to. So, you know, I don't do as many stunts as I used to do in my. In my ignorant youth. But yeah, no, I had a blast with it. I mean, when I read the script and it's, you know, it's a low budget independent thing, I thought, okay, do they have the wherewithal to pull this off? And they did. Man, I gotta say, the whole stunt team, this group called Peacemaker, I mean, they literally came having invented camera stuff to get shots they wanted. I mean, they didn't just have drones and airplanes and stuff. They had this one dude on a Segway with a Steadicam that had an arm on it. So I freaking being filmed by Robocop, you know, I mean, these guys were so clever and so, you know, ingenious that they really pulled off a lot of stuff that somebody who was less prepared wouldn't be able to.
Adam Carolla
Your journey is unlikely as I look down here because you said your dad was Texas. Sorry, wasn't Texan. And your mom is Filipino. And both aren't great in terms of encouraging people to act like. Your mom must have wanted you to be a nurse at some point. Every Filipino I know, their mom was pissed that they didn't get into nursing. But weird, unlikely journey, being half Filipino and being in Texas and starting early, you had to have some real thoughts and direction. You're a good looking guy, but not traditional, especially in the 80s, sort of leading man, kind of. We were Dolph Lundgren y back then, you know. So where. How did this even begin with you?
Josh Wolf
That's so funny you say that, man, because, yeah, it's like, you know, speaking of my dad, it started off when I was like 13. He goes, you son, what would you like to do for a living? And I said, you know what, Dad? I want to be a writer. And he goes, well, you might want to do something where you might make some more money later. Said, I want to be an actor. That's not what I had in mind, but, I mean, they let me kind of get away with it.
Adam Carolla
Even when I.
Josh Wolf
When I said I was going to, you know, major in theater at the University of Texas at Arlington, my high school drama teacher tried to talk me out of it. You know, there's nobody imagined that you could Make a living doing it. My guidance counselor in high school said, you know, what are you going to have to fall back on? And I said, my ass. You know, you just kind of have to. You kind of have to go with it and go for it and believe in yourself. And being in Texas was hilarious because I was. My senior year, I was captain of the football team, but also president of the drama club. So they didn't know what the hell was going on.
Adam Carolla
Wow. Yeah. I mean, we're about the same age, and you had to kind of look like a star or a model or something. And people would go up to people with no talent and go, you should be an actress, you know, because it was a pretty blonde. Or if the guy was tall and had a good physique, like, you should get in acting. But if you didn't look right, no one would suggest you do it. Certainly bet on you doing it. But you had range. Captain of the football team and the drama club. Were you a big man on campus at your high school?
Josh Wolf
I was a popular guy, but I was more of a student council guy than I was a jock, you know, I mean, I lettered in a few things and, you know, was pretty good at stuff. I rode the bench in basketball, but I played football. I ran track. I did well with that.
Adam Carolla
Well, Friday Night Lights is pretty big in Texas, right, man?
Josh Wolf
I mean, that's, it's. It's a religion there, bro. You know what I'm saying? You know, you got. You got to commit to that and do it. So. But I mean, you know, it taught me a lot of things. And first of all, you know, can be pretty physically fit, which came in handy when I got, you know, into Hollywood and all that good stuff. But I mean, the other thing that I want to say is that when I was growing up in the 70s, you know, the guys like Dustin Hoffman and Al Pacino and Robert De Niro, I mean, those were the guys that I gravitated toward because it's like, okay, you don't have to look like Newman. You don't have to look like Redford. You can be a funny looking, swarthy dude with dark hair and still, you know, be. Be the leads in films. And so I kind of tried to follow their lead and become the best actor that I could be that, that would allow me to, you know, to get into the business. I wasn't going to skate on my looks, you know, but I always, always thought I was a character actor. And then that. That's actually paid off over the long run in my career, I think there's.
Adam Carolla
Something positive to be gleaned from not feeling like you can fall back on something like looks or. For instance, I was always convinced that nobody liked me because my parents didn't like me, so I would never go. I'm going to go out on an audition because nobody likes me, so it's never going to work out. But it forced me to create my own shows because I was like, the only way you're going to have a TV show is if you create the TV show. No one's going to cast you to be in their TV show. And it was actually kind of positive, or at least it came out in a positive fashion, that I always had this. Nobody wants you to do their show. You create your own show, then you get to be in a TV show.
Josh Wolf
No, I think it's absolutely what you need to do. I mean, so many people, they want. You know, they're hobbyists when it comes to what we do. You know what I'm saying? They dabble. You can't dabble and make it. You got to go for it. And if you feel like you got a backup plan, most of the time you're going to revert to that backup plan.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, I agree. But it's always such an interesting needle to thread, because on one hand you tell people, don't give up on your dreams. On the other hand, you have these people that are in their 50s that keep talking about dropping a country album who never have, and you want to tell them to give it up. You know? And we have these comedians that were never funny, and now they're 53, and they're still not funny, but they're talking about trying to get an hour together for Netflix. And you're trying to explain them it's never going to happen. But on the other hand, that feeling. And I had the same thing, which is, look, either life's really going to work out or it's not. Not at all. Like, and my dad recently passed, and I had a conversation. I hearkened back to a conversation where he said, when I was like, 29 and not making it at all. It's like, you should have money socked away. Like a thousand dollars. Just something. If you get sick, you should have something in the bank. And I was like, it's either going to work or it's not. It's just going to work or it's not. And if it works, works, it'll be great. And if it doesn't, I'm fucked. The thousand Bucks isn't gonna help.
Josh Wolf
It's, it's, it's a go for broke mentality. But I mean, it also requires an inordinate amount of honesty, you know what I'm saying? You know, we got a lot of gunning Kruger effect in this country right now. People thinking they're better than they are and they're not. And so, you know, you kind of gotta read the room and read the writing on the wall all at the same time and go, maybe this isn't for me. But, you know, if, if, if you do have the talent and you and the discipline and everything else that it takes to go along with just being good at it, you know, then, then, you know, maybe, maybe you got something. Because I, I, you know, I used to teach acting too, in Texas, man, and far be it for me to, you know, quash somebody's dreams. I, you know, somebody walk in the door, I go, oh my God, there's, they're never going to do anything. But it also depends on what you want to do. I mean, there's some people who love doing their community theater. They love doing their, you know, Equity waiver. They, you know, they've gotten a bunch of local commercials or whatever. So, I mean, not everybody's going to be Tom Cruise and. But some people are very happy with that and some, and other people get discovered late, man. Wilford Brimley, I mean, you know, Sam Jackson, Morgan Freeman, a lot of those cats didn't really hit their stride until they were much older.
Adam Carolla
Rodney Dangerfield.
Josh Wolf
Yeah, right.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. I think the simple rule of thumb to, to make it all work out is just if you would do it anyway without getting paid, then you have a passion for it, then you do it, then it's fine. Either you're going to get paid to do it or you're not going to get paid to do something you love to do anyway. There's plenty of things you do every weekend that you don't get paid for. You just like doing it.
Guest
That's right.
Adam Carolla
And if stand up is that, or acting is that, or any form of creativity is that, then do it. The people that always worry me is the people that want to start talking about compensation and I'm always just do it, do it because you love it. But if you want to talk money, that means you don't love it. And now I don't think you're going to be that good at it or.
Josh Wolf
Fame or all the other trappings that come with it. I mean, I agree with you, man. It's like you have to love it because there's a lot of bullshit to put up with, know, constant rejection, things that aren't going to work out. Even if you're successful, all of that is, you know, is going to be on your doorstep. So you better love the work period and have that be the reward. And the rest of the stuff is gravy.
Guest
But there's no success without the rejection. There's no such thing as success without going through the shit first.
Josh Wolf
It just doesn't happen absolutely 100%. And then it's the people who've never, you know, had a setback or suffered any real rejection that seemed to have too Pollyanna a view of how it's going to go.
Adam Carolla
I was looking back and you haven't been on the show in a decade. Is that true? It feels like a shorter period of time.
Josh Wolf
Well, that's because I left such a stench the last time I was.
Adam Carolla
Now I'm going to tell the story that I must have told you last time you were in. But since it's been over a decade and not everyone's heard every episode. I met one of your co stars from Stand and Deliver. I think you remember this story. It was the big guy who's now a chef, I think will go. Exactly. Will go, yeah. Okay. And this is back. I want to tell my kids back before all the fucking Instagram and Facebook and Twitter and stuff. People just met, you know, And I was going down Laurel Canyon, goes right through, you know, the city and up into the hills. And I got pulled over by a cop on my motorcycle. And the cop. And I didn't have a motorcycle license, a special license to ride a motorcycle. So I said, let me just park it on this side street, you know, open parking, side street. And he goes, nah, I gotta tow it. And I go, no, man. Man, don't tow it. Don't tow it. I'm broke. I'm broke, you know. He goes, I gotta tow it. I go, you're gonna tow it to a tow yard? It's gonna cost me a bunch of money. I'm gonna have to get a ride to the DMV and get like a temporary motorcycle license. I'm not even gonna ride a motorcycle. Just take a test. Cause there's no practical. Because I don't have a motorcycle. Then I gotta get a ride to the tow yard. Then I gotta pay that guy for two days. Cause I won't be able to get it till tomorrow. And then I'll get on the bike and go back to the I go, could you just leave it parked by the side? It's safe. Just park it. I'll let you take the keys, man. The guy goes, nah, I gotta tow it. I go, oh, fuck. Then he goes, the tow truck driver will give you a ride home. And I go, no, fuck that. I'm walking.
Guest
That'll show him.
Adam Carolla
So I start walking down. I'm in Studio City. I'm up in the hills. I got an apartment, deep North Hollywood on Laurel. And I'm just walking with my helmet and I got no money. I got no fucking motorcycle. I see my motorcycle get towed past me. I'm just walking broke. I'm like, I don't have any money to get this out. I got three roommates in a one bedroom apartment. And I'm hitchhiking. I'm just hitchhiking with a helmet. And this Pinto pulls over and this big dude gets out. He goes, you want to ride? And I'm like, yeah, man, where do you live? I'm like, on this street, but down like another five miles. Goes, okay. Takes me to my apartment, drops me off. I'm like, wanna smoke pot? She's like, yeah, okay, go to my apartment, smoke pot. What do you do? I'm an actor. I go, oh, all right. Yeah, I like comedy. And he's like, yeah, I got a movie coming out. It was right before Standing Liver came out. And I was like, all right, you're a movie star in a Pinto. Yeah, big. I don't know what he was, Samoan.
Josh Wolf
Or what was he, man. But yeah, he's just a big dude. He's just Bill Pig.
Adam Carolla
He didn't look like a movie star. I was like, all right, doing a movie. And we went and saw improv shows like over the weekend because I was doing Groundlings and he was doing acting and all, all that kind of stuff. And yeah, later on I saw him. I went to the movie, I went to the theater and saw him in the movie and I was like, hey.
Guest
That guy with that guy?
Adam Carolla
Yeah, but that's how you meant. That's how you met people back in the day. You just hitchhiked.
Josh Wolf
Yeah, right, right. I pick him up. Not anymore, man. Not after Henry Lee Lucas. I mean, my goodness, I'm glad. I would have ended up in a trunk, man. Or a wood chipper. I don't know.
Guest
The original Uber.
G
Yeah, I pick up hitchhikers still. I just go, hey, you got a pistol on you? And if they do, they freak out. So then I don't pick them up. That's what you do, you just ask them directly. You got a pistol on you? And then if they do, they'll grab at it. I've seen it.
Guest
Where do you drive? Where you see hitchhikers, you know.
G
Hey, Lou, I wanted to ask you, like, during the, like, the 80s, during those, like, martial arts movies where you did, like, what. What was the training camp like for that? Like, did you have, like. I don't know, they give you, like, six weeks of, you know, lessons? And what styles did you study?
Adam Carolla
Yeah. The Big Hit. Did we pull the trailer for the Big Hit? I thought it was surreal to. I. Let's just watch the trailer to the Big Hit so we can all take a walk down Memory Memory lane because this was late 90s action on top.
G
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Adam Carolla
And we'll. We'll watch a minute. I. I saw this in the theater, by the way. I think the guy from Stand to Deliver picked me up on the way home. Guns, watches, Wall Jr.
Guest
What?
Adam Carolla
Go, go.
Guest
I'm a contract killer.
Adam Carolla
This is Early Walberg.
Guest
Yeah.
G
Yeah, it is. Yeah.
Adam Carolla
This is a bonus hit.
Josh Wolf
Without a doubt. 10,000 who have hits. The Big man, Non Dairy Crema.
Guest
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
This is such a 90s.
G
So 90s. I love it.
Adam Carolla
Really. Sorry about the mess.
Josh Wolf
Don't get paid.
Adam Carolla
Thank you, sir. This is gonna be the right time to tell them that we're engaged. You seem like a nice enough German Irish fella. You're gonna put your father in an early grave. Hit me.
Guest
Got a little present for you.
Adam Carolla
Oh.
Guest
Who is it selling?
Adam Carolla
A knight.
Guest
I diced him up a little bit.
Josh Wolf
Did you clean him?
Adam Carolla
It's Antonio Zapato Jr. That. Who else was on this H? It's kind of cute.
Mayhem Miller
Who is that?
Adam Carolla
You sure you don't want Lou Diamond?
Josh Wolf
Got plan for tomorrow.
Adam Carolla
This is the girl?
Josh Wolf
No, it's your mammy.
Adam Carolla
This is a kidnapping, right?
Josh Wolf
That's right.
Adam Carolla
So what's up with you guys? You playing tribute to the Spice Boys or something?
Josh Wolf
Hey, boys, what's going on there has been.
Adam Carolla
All right, we got it.
Guest
By the way, the longest trailer I've ever seen in my life.
Adam Carolla
Lou, do you ever just take a handful of mushrooms and crack a beer and just sit back and watch trailers from the 90s that you're in and just freak out?
Josh Wolf
No. Right? It's. That's. That film is one of my favorite films. I mean, it was so ahead of his time as a. A hip hop black comedy Hong Kong action film.
G
Yeah.
Josh Wolf
You know. Yeah. A guy named Che. Kirk Wong and produced by John Wu. People didn't know what the hell to do with it. It's got a cult following now.
Adam Carolla
Does it? Interesting.
Josh Wolf
Yeah. Talking about the. You know, it's so funny. There's a locker room scene, right? And I'm going through my wardrobe fit and get every outfit. And I saved the wardrobe supervised. What am I wearing in the locker room? And she goes, let me get the director. She gets, you know, she gets Kirk. And he comes in. His. His English was terrible. His English was absolutely terrible. He just literally, I come over from Hong Kong, I said, kirk, what am I wearing? The locker room. He goes, oh, you wear nothing. And I'm like, all right, first of all, I'm in a locker room scene with Mark Wahlberg and Antonio Sob Jr. They're both underwear salesmen and they're 10 years younger than me. Okay. Not measure up.
Guest
Right.
Josh Wolf
But go with it. And I was training all the time for that. And a lot of times, man, it's on your own dime. I mean, maybe if you're in Marvel, they give you somebody. I don't know. But a very good friend of mine had trained me for courage under fire a couple of years before that. And then. And it was. It's a cat named Daryl Chan who was introduced to me by my friend Brandon Lee. And yeah, Daryl was the real deal, and he trained me for a lot of that stuff. And then I introduced Brandon to his stunt double who ended up finishing the crow for him, Jeff Kariente. And I'm actually about to work with Jeff again. He's a stunt coordinator now on a TV show called the Cleaner, the Cleaning Lady. And yeah, Brett's one of those. So, you know, it's a small world. But, yeah, you know, you show up the way you want to show up and the way you want to look. So they required, you know, that required, you know, putting in the time yourself and finding the people to help you.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, I don't know. I had a flashback to that movie which doesn't make the rounds on cable like it should.
Guest
I have to say I've never seen it. I'm going to go. I'm definitely going to go home, watch it.
Adam Carolla
It's got big names in it.
Guest
Yeah, yeah, it's great.
Josh Wolf
Yeah. Christina Applegates and Woodbine. Oh, my goodness.
Adam Carolla
Well, you figure Wahlberg would be enough just to get it on some kind of basic cable rotation. You and Wahlberg.
Josh Wolf
This was before Boogie Nights, man, you know?
Adam Carolla
Right, right.
Josh Wolf
Yeah. This was kind of his breakout as an action hero dude.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, it's funny. Boogie nights. God, 05 or three or. God, I'm trying to think, but it was a couple years. A couple years at least after this. And now that I look back and I'm sort of thinking about it. Have you had a lull in your career? I mean, obviously the work involves lulls are built into this kind of job, but if you had a bad two years in this, this 40 year span we're talking about.
Josh Wolf
No, I've always worked, man. And some films are more seen than others. There's a few that I loved, actually. There's a movie called the 33 that came out not too long ago without Gabriel Byrne, and her name just went right out of my head. But it's about the Chilean miners.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, 2015.
Josh Wolf
Wonderful film. Fantastic film. You know, sort of underseen, but I. Fortunately for me, you know, I still get asked to dance and, you know, like right now. And it's funny because you can spend the two years doing something, making stuff, and then it all comes out at once, right? So, I mean, get fast is happening. November 15th. I've got another movie that's out in theaters starring Frank Grillo called Werewolves. Guess what it's about?
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
Josh Wolf
Yeah. That's gonna be like 2500 theaters. Me, Frank, Katrina, Law. I am right now in Call of duty Black Ops 6.
G
Oh, yeah, I know.
Josh Wolf
Yeah. They made me shave, right, so they could do all the sensors. And then they put a full beard on me, which I can't grow. I look like Ben Affleck and Argo.
Adam Carolla
You know, Grillo's a great dude. He comes in on this show, he's just that dude.
Josh Wolf
Each other. I haven't seen that movie yet, but Frank likes it and, you know, he doesn't like everything.
Adam Carolla
We got a question from one of our Substack subscribers. Can Lou recreate one of the greatest lines in cinema history from Stand and Deliver? I strangled him.
Josh Wolf
I know what it is, okay? I get this one a lot. It's. It's when I confess to Andy Garcia that I got the test ahead of time, you know, And I got it from the mailman. And he goes, how did you do it? And I go, I strangled him. His body's decomposing in my locker.
Adam Carolla
Nailed it. Thank God for Substack listeners, because I wouldn't have thought of that one. So you're in New York, you're there, you live there, you're full time there. Your dad's still in, what, Texas. Growing up down in Corpus Christi, you.
Josh Wolf
Know, in little town called Flower Bluff, you know, and he says hey, so why don't you come on down, get cold beer and go fishing?
Adam Carolla
Wow.
G
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
There's something. Can we agree that coming from some culture and some of the culture, like, you know, you get Filipino and you get Texas. You get sort of two cultures when you're talking about. Because, like, Texas is a culture and, you know, LA's a culture. You know, New York, the Bronx, it's a thing. And there's like a Hispanic version of that as well. And I'm from North Hollywood, and we don't have. Have any culture. There's no food. Like, oh, you're from North Iowa. The gumbo, right?
Guest
The yum yum donut.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, we got a yum yum donut. Taco Bell.
Guest
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
There's no dialect. There's no food. There's no saying. There's no draw. There's. You couldn't tell the sound of it. There's no architecture, there's no team. There's no style. You know, like, if you're from Flatbush, that's just a thing. And. And that's different than being from Corpus Christi or whatever. It's weird to grow up in a sort of culturally neutral place where there's just. You can do what you want. But there is no baked in culture.
G
In a way, that is a culture.
Adam Carolla
Zero culture.
Guest
Culture.
G
Exactly.
Adam Carolla
There's no religion. You know, look, Utah, Mormon, Salt Lake City. Like, half of it's back, but at least it's something.
Guest
Yeah.
G
Oh, generic ass Valley people.
Adam Carolla
Yes, that's what I'm saying.
Josh Wolf
You need something to rebel against, and that's the problem.
Adam Carolla
We don't have anything. There's no. The entire San Fernando Valley, which encompasses millions of people and tons of square feet of blocks and acreage. And there's not a comedy club, not one comedy club in the San Fernando Valley.
G
What about the haha? You don't count that comedy that comes out of here.
Adam Carolla
I'm going to say that the Haha, the comedy shit. First off, these aren't legendary. These are fucking Greek restaurants. Okay, all right, all right, let me see. Say this. Let me defend my point. The San Fernando Valley goes all the way out to, like, Chatsworth and Granada Hills.
G
Porn.
Adam Carolla
Porn, Right. Flappers is on the very edge, right up against it. And HAHA and the Chateau are closer to Hollywood than they are to Reseda. They're. They're all along the edge. Like, you're going to find a little spillover from Hollywood and along the edges. But the entire San Fernando Valley, there's not one standup club, which means no culture. There's no standup club. Means culture. That's what it means. There's a reason New York has a bunch of clubs, because that's the culture in Boston clubs, you know what I mean? It has a culture of that. Other places, like. Like New Orleans doesn't have standup clubs, but they have jazz clubs and food and culture. The whole Valley, there is no culture. So there's no, like, art. Yeah.
Guest
It's really not known for anything.
Adam Carolla
No. Except for Adam Carolla went to North Hollywood High. Come on, huskies.
Josh Wolf
Have they put up a statue?
Adam Carolla
They said I have to pay for it myself. So I'm passing the hat. I'm gonna see Kimmel on Friday. I'm gonna see if I can put him down for 2200 bucks. Yeah, but you. I mean, you had a culture. Even though it was kind of crazy Corpus Christi culture, but it was still culture. Like, you can do your dad's voice.
Josh Wolf
I can't. And, you know, like I said, there are those things that I carry with me, and there are those things that I don't, you know, and. And one of the things was, you know, being in a place like that, maybe not as Hollywood adjacent as you were, but, I mean, growing up in a small, small, ish town in Texas, you know, I always wanted to get to la. I always wanted to go to New York and be on Broadway. You know, I wanted to be a writer. I mean, all of those things that I knew were going to take me away from where I grew up. And, you know, I guess you have to start formulating that dream. I guess it's hard to have a dream when you. Everything is kind of right there and you're not really sure what to pick from the buffet, you know?
Adam Carolla
Yeah. It's weird not running away to find a life somewhere. I mean, I grew up in North Hollywood. Like, it literally had the word Hollywood in it. Like, I didn't have to stow away in the fender of a dueling further earlier reference to realize my dream. It's also lot of pressure because there's a feeling of, like, when you want to make it, you're going to go somewhere and you're going to live. You know, you're going to. I was literally 14 minutes away from Hollywood.
Guest
Yeah.
Josh Wolf
And, like, recreate yourself a little bit, you know, start fresh, you know, you know, be. Be the not that guy that everybody knew in high school.
Guest
That was my favorite part, actually, about moving far away is that whatever part of myself that I was like, I don't like that part of myself. I could ditch it. And nobody questioned it. They were like, you weren't that guy yesterday. I'm like, I'm going to be this dude right now. What's my favorite part?
Adam Carolla
It's an interesting thought because my friends were just the friends that I grew up with. And if I said, I'm going to call myself Adam the entertainer now, they'd go, we're going to go with douchebag. You're not getting away with any of this shit. I couldn't even own cowboy boots. That's how fucking bad north hot was. I worked with a dude named Kelly who was from some place in, like, God, he was like, in Utah or Montana or something. He wore cowboy boots. And I was like, those are pretty cool.
Guest
I'm gonna get some of those.
Adam Carolla
And he goes, yeah, you should go out. We'll get cowboy boot. And I like, show. I bought cowboy boots and like, one Friday I showed with. My buddies are going out and they're like, what's going on with the cowboy boots? I was like, pretty cool, right? They go, take that shit off when I fucking go out. Couldn't even buy cowboy boots. No culture, no nothing. They wouldn't accept it.
Guest
Like, high school friends are not accepting that at all.
Adam Carolla
No. You must have seen. What's your dad do over there in Corpus Christi?
Josh Wolf
Well, he. He's retired now, and. But he was. He was an aircraft mechanic. And when he did retire in Corpus, he worked on the base. And then he started working, you know, with a company that did private planes, and he was doing, you know, rich doctors and lawyers and whatnot. Coming out of Houston, in Dallas and, you know, living. Living his best life, man. You know, going fishing and, you know, working on. He was. He was a big car guy. He did, you know, used to love taking apart and putting together cars. So, you know, there was a lot of that. And he's. He's still kicking, man. He's doing good.
Adam Carolla
I find the work with the hands guys to be amongst the sanest people on the planet. They just don't have a lot of kooky thoughts.
Josh Wolf
Yeah, no. And, you know, that kind of thing kept me grounded when things got. When I. When I became successful in Hollywood, you know, and, you know, man, a lot of people get seduced by that and they kind of lose themselves. And, you know, for me. For me, I was. I was, you know, grounded by a, you know, a Texas dad and a military dad and, you know, kind of kind of knowing, you know, what my moral compass was during that time and, you know, it kept me. And I'm still here.
Adam Carolla
Did you get any. Did you catch any? Being half Filipino with the Filipino mom in a time and a place where we weren't as open as we are now.
Josh Wolf
You know, it is bizarre, man, because growing up, you know, I spent a lot of time on Navy bases, and there's a lot of mixed race kids on Navy bases. You know what I mean? This is the world over it, really. And in Corpus Christi, you know, you had your cowboys, you had your surfers, you had your Chicanos, you. You had, you know, the Asian kids who came in with the military. So it really wasn't a question. It wasn't until I got, like, up to Dallas, you know, that in the Dallas Fort Worth area and, you know, had to work to, you know, to get my way through school, where I sort of ran headlong into some of this, which was like, you know, they didn't even know what I was, man. I'm ambiguous. Brown, you know, often said the UPS logo, you know, motto sums up my career. What can brown do for you? But, you know, in Dallas, I couldn't get hired as a waiter, man. I get hired as a busboy.
Adam Carolla
But not as, oh, interesting, you know, so.
Josh Wolf
So that was the sort of, the first time I dealt with it. And, and then, you know, to a certain extent, the fact that Hollywood has its boxes and I didn't, you know, I didn't fit into any of those boxes. You know, I, I was Brat Pack adjacent. I was the only brown Brat Packer, and I never got a membership card. Adam. Never.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, I saw the doc. I think a lot of them are miserable. What's up with Judd Nelson? Too busy.
Guest
Judd not make that the same thing. You know, I went to a. I went to a wedding in Studio City, and five people are at the wedding. One was me, one was Gary Oldman, and one was Judd Nelson.
Adam Carolla
Wow.
Guest
It was the craziest wedding. It was a. All of us had the same dog walker, and we all went to her wedding at a dog store. Crazy.
Adam Carolla
Wow.
G
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
And is Judd like, here's all. But listen, I just want to say this to any celebrity that is not doing a doc that they should be involved in. Yeah, I either think crazy or fat. When you don't want to sit down. I think you put on £80 or you've completely lost it, or possibly both. It's never a good thought.
Guest
It feels like something he should have got his face in.
Adam Carolla
I, I totally. Yeah, I totally agree. I'll sit down with anyone for their doc. It's, it's, it's kind of first off, it's kind of tip of the cap because I go, we would like to talk to you about stuff that you know, you know, like. All right, that's fine.
Josh Wolf
I'm literally talk tomorrow an interview for Luis Valdez, who wrote and directed Lamba. You know, so kind of a, you know, 30 plus year perspective on that and you know what a kind of a cultural touchstone working with him was.
Adam Carolla
Oh really? So you're sitting down to do a interview tomorrow.
Josh Wolf
Perfect.
Guest
What movie do you think you're asked about the most?
Josh Wolf
Yeah, probably Love on Bob. I mean it crosses a lot of different demographics, but it also depends on where I'm at, you know what I'm saying? Young Guns is huge, you know. You know, throughout the south and Texas and the Southwest and whatnot. You know, with, with a certain demographic standing deliver as big the big hit guys turn into this thing with like, you know, like the gamer kids and whatnot. I mean, because it's just so weird and so, so out there and it's really gained a cult, you know, status. I've been doing a lot of cons, man. Horror cons, sci fi cons. So, you know, like first power shows up, bats shows up, Stargate universe. So fortunately for me, I've had a career where I've been able to do something for everyone. You don't like this? Here, try this. And so usually people will come up and even mention the obscure ones, which I love. It's. That's, that's always a treat.
Guest
My acting teacher, her name is Alice Carter. Now, I don't remember what her name she was. Yeah, she was in Young Guns. But Alice, I don't remember what her name was.
Josh Wolf
Carter, I adore her, man.
Guest
She is a straight gangster. She is amazing. But she. My favorite teacher of almost any, any class I've ever taken was Alice Carter. But amazing, amazing. I didn't know if you would remember her, but of course, yeah, she was.
Josh Wolf
Fantastic and I just loved her, man. Please, please give her my love.
Guest
I absolutely will.
Josh Wolf
Such great respect for it. And she had to put up with all of us.
Guest
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
Josh Wolf
Out there where TMZ and camera phones don't exist.
Adam Carolla
Lou, let me give you a plug. It is get fast. It is fun. It's got a action galore. Lou's character is fun. You can hear his dad in it. And it's like, it's, it's kind of guy Richie. It's, it's like fun. It's funny. It's action. It's bloody and it's. And it's fast.
Josh Wolf
So I'm gonna slip this in. This book comes out November 19th. I wrote it. It's a collaboration with my wife. She does the illustrations that are in it. This is a sequel to this. This is the Tinderbox Soul Driven Deer. This is the Tinderbox underground movement. They're both on Amazon and barnesandnoble.com Real proud of them. Yvonne, her artwork is amazing. So if you're a reader, get a hold of those. Yeah, like I said, a little smarter than I look. You know, the glasses are not.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. Lou, I hope you can come by and see us in person when you're in town. Anytime you don't need anything to plug. Just come by, say hi because it's always fun.
Josh Wolf
Always fun. Always a great conversation.
Adam Carolla
Lou Diamond Phillips, everyone. Thanks, my friend. I appreciate it.
Josh Wolf
Thanks, guys.
Adam Carolla
All right, I'm going to be tonight at Kimmel's club in Vegas doing you are a couple shows there. Yeah. And then Big Bear Lake doing a big Bear comedy festival. That'll be November 16th. And Oxnard levity Live, which is a nice place. So doing stand up there 29th. Go to amcro.com for the live shows. Josh can be found at comedian Josh Wolf.com Dates coming up, Bakersfield, Sacramento.
Guest
I have residency at Kimmel's too. Every Monday night. Oh, every Monday at 7:30.
Adam Carolla
Well, we'll try to figure out a way to cross some paths. Get some of that. Manuka, honey.
G
Hell yeah.
Adam Carolla
From Mayhem. Until next time, Adam Carolla from Mayhem Miller, Lou Diamond Phillips and Josh Wolf. Saiyan Mahala.
Lou Diamond Phillips
You can leave us a voicemail at 888-634-1744 and don't forget to get your tickets to see the ace man@adamcarolla.com.
Mayhem Miller
I love reality TV on Pluto TV.
Adam Carolla
Same.
Mayhem Miller
And I love that it's free. It gives me the freedom to watch Bravo's Real House Vault channel. I'm totally free to watch Bad Girls Club. I'm free for Jersey Shore love and hip hop. I'm free all day. Survivor. I'm free all night. With hundreds of free reality shows. You are totally free to watch what you love on Pluto tv. Pluto TV stream now. Hey, never. Pluto TV is a place for movie fans like me and TV fans like me. They've got something for everyone and it's free. I love free and I love Jersey Shore. For me it's the Godfather, SpongeBob SquarePants. I am Patrick. Patrick is me. Oh, Forrest Gump. Come on, criminal minds solving crime after bedtime. Whatever you love to watch. Pluto TV makes it easy with thousands of free movies and shows. Pluto TV stream now pay never.
Adam Carolla Show: Episode Summary Featuring Lou Diamond Phillips and Comedian Josh Wolf
Introduction In this engaging episode of the Adam Carolla Show, host Adam Carolla welcomes actor Lou Diamond Phillips and comedian Josh Wolf to discuss a wide array of topics ranging from political tensions affecting family dynamics to the nuances of tipping culture. Joined by Mayhem Miller, the trio delves deep into societal issues, personal anecdotes, and their experiences in the entertainment industry, all infused with Adam's characteristic humor and candidness.
Discussion Overview: Adam and Josh initiate the conversation by addressing the increasing acrimony in families post-election, particularly focusing on Thanksgiving gatherings. They explore how political disagreements are not just ideological but have become deeply personal, leading to strained relationships and exclusion from family events.
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Discussion Overview: The conversation shifts to the complexities of tipping across various service industries. Adam critiques the inconsistency in tipping norms, especially highlighting how certain jobs are heavily reliant on tips while others are not.
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Discussion Overview: A lighter yet passionate debate ensues about the inclusion of raisins in traditional dishes like gravy and potato salad. The guests express strong opinions against this culinary practice, emphasizing how it detracts from the meal's quality.
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Discussion Overview: Adam expresses his frustration with SiriusXM’s First Wave channel, critiquing its playlist for favoring mid-80s synthpop over the authentic new wave sounds he cherishes from the late 70s and early 80s.
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Discussion Overview: Adam and Josh delve into the evolution of stand-up comedy, addressing the balance between offensive humor and genuine comedic talent. They lament the shift towards low-effort, offensive jokes that lack creative merit.
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Discussion Overview: Adam highlights the absence of stand-up comedy clubs in the San Fernando Valley, suggesting that this contributes to a lack of cultural vibrancy in the area. He contrasts this with other regions known for their rich cultural scenes.
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Discussion Overview: Both Adam and Josh share personal stories about their careers and the challenges they've faced in the entertainment industry. They emphasize the importance of perseverance, authenticity, and supporting one's passion despite setbacks.
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Discussion Overview: Adam introduces Lou Diamond Phillips and their mutual appreciation for each other's work. They discuss Lou's new movie, "Get Fast," and share insights into the filmmaking process and the camaraderie on set.
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This episode of the Adam Carolla Show offers a rich tapestry of discussions that intertwine humor with serious societal critiques. From dissecting the impact of political divisions on family life to challenging established norms in tipping culture and comedy, Adam, Lou, and Josh provide listeners with both entertainment and thoughtful commentary. Their candid exchanges and personal anecdotes paint a vivid picture of navigating the complexities of modern life and the entertainment industry.
For those who haven't tuned in, this episode serves as a compelling showcase of the show's ability to blend humor with insightful discourse, making it a must-listen for fans and newcomers alike.
Feel free to check out more episodes of the Adam Carolla Show on PodcastOne or Carolla Digital. Stay connected for more in-depth interviews, unparalleled ranting, and front-row perspectives on current events, relationships, and everything in between.