Adam and Teresa (Carolla Classics)

Summary

Podcast Summary: Adam Carolla Show – "Adam and Teresa (Carolla Classics)"
Release Date: January 17, 2025
Host: Adam Carolla
Guests: Teresa Strasser

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Introduction

In this classic episode of "The Adam Carolla Show," featuring host Adam Carolla and guest Teresa Strasser, listeners are treated to a blend of personal anecdotes, sharp commentary on current events, and trademark humorous banter. Recorded in 2009, this episode highlights the dynamic chemistry between Adam and Teresa as they navigate through various topics with unfiltered honesty and wit.

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Teresa's Ring Removal Struggle

[01:03 - 08:58]

The episode begins with Teresa Strasser sharing a personal dilemma—her swollen finger is making it impossible to remove her wedding ring. The discussion quickly turns humorous as Adam quips about the situation:

Teresa Strasser [01:25]: "Yeah, my hand got so swollen. I should have taken the ring off a couple weeks ago, but I thought, I don't want to take off my wedding ring."

Adam Carolla [02:05]: "But now your finger's swollen around the ring."

Teresa elaborates on various home remedies she tried, including dental floss and ice, all to no avail. Adam shares a related fishing mishap, adding levity to the conversation:

Adam Carolla [02:45]: "I went fishing with Jimmy... and I set that hook in his neck, and we had to work together to remove it."

The segment underscores the relatable challenges of everyday life, seamlessly blending personal struggles with humor.

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News Commentary

[09:03 - 38:03]

Michael Jackson's Death

[09:13 - 17:35]

Teresa delves into the tragic death of pop icon Michael Jackson, discussing the circumstances surrounding his overdose on propofol. Adam interjects with sardonic remarks about Jackson's weight and drug use:

Teresa Strasser [09:13]: "Michael Jackson died due to lethal levels of propofol..."

Adam Carolla [16:10]: "Like, what if someone had just thought to get the Huell Howser California gold box set?"

Their conversation highlights the complexities of celebrity lifestyles and the darker side of fame, all while maintaining a comedic undertone.

Ryan Jenkins' Crimes

[17:35 - 32:00]

The duo shifts focus to Ryan Jenkins, a controversial figure accused of multiple crimes, including the murder of his wife and daughter. Teresa criticizes the judicial system's handling of Jenkins:

Teresa Strasser [24:17]: "But this guy had a personality disorder... the reality show stars."

Adam humorously compares different types of criminals, emphasizing that some individuals are beyond rehabilitation:

Adam Carolla [31:33]: "They both had their eye on a Color Me Mind franchise."

This segment underscores the frustrations with the legal system and the challenges in dealing with irredeemable criminals.

Plaxico Burress' Incident

[32:00 - 38:03]

Plaxico Burress, an NFL player, makes headlines for accidentally shooting himself in the leg. Teresa and Adam discuss the implications of self-inflicted legal troubles:

Teresa Strasser [27:05]: "I don't think you could do it in a million times that through your pants..."

Adam Carolla [32:00]: "He died, probably."

Their discussion critiques the inconsiderate nature of certain legal outcomes and the systemic issues that allow such incidents to occur.

Bestiality Cases in Florida

[38:02 - 46:07]

Addressing more controversial topics, Teresa brings up disturbing cases of bestiality in Florida. The conversation navigates the complexities of legal definitions and societal perceptions:

Teresa Strasser [42:54]: "So it's true that you shouldn't struggle."

Adam Carolla [38:02]: "I feel like there's probably something wrong."

The segment emphasizes the need for clearer legislation and societal understanding of such heinous acts.

Nadia Suleiman's Defamation Case

[89:50 - 95:14]

Teresa discusses a defamation lawsuit involving Nadia Suleiman, exploring the fine line between free speech and malicious defamation. They debate the responsibilities of platforms like Google in protecting individuals from defamatory content:

Teresa Strasser [91:07]: "She's dropping her suit because she just wanted to know who it was."

Adam Carolla [95:14]: "If you wanted to do that, you..."

The conversation highlights the challenges in balancing free expression with protecting individuals' reputations.

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Personal Anecdotes and Humorous Banter

[08:58 - 89:50]

Adam's Fishing Mishap

Adam recounts a chaotic fishing trip where a hook got lodged in a friend's neck, leading to an impromptu and comedic rescue mission:

Adam Carolla [05:21]: "We were with the hillbilly river guide... And then he starts doing that disclaimer thing..."

Teresa's Pregnancy Experiences

Teresa opens up about her pregnancy, discussing the physical challenges and the anticipation of motherhood. The conversation is laced with humor as they navigate topics like sleep discomfort and baby names:

Teresa Strasser [64:42]: "And I wouldn't mind if I was a little early."

Adam Carolla [65:33]: "That's why Theresa, open your eyes."

Their exchange provides a heartfelt yet humorous glimpse into the experiences of expecting parents.

Discussions on Parenthood and Daily Life

The duo shares insights into parenting, combating sleep issues, and the humorous realities of raising children:

Adam Carolla [76:56]: "If you think that way, you won't be able to cheat on your husband later on."

Teresa Strasser [77:58]: "How about a stop and go sign?"

These segments blend personal stories with comedic observations, making the content both engaging and relatable.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Teresa Strasser [01:25]: "Yeah, my hand got so swollen. I should have taken the ring off a couple weeks ago, but I thought, I don't want to take off my wedding ring."

• Adam Carolla [05:21]: "We were with the hillbilly river guide... And then he starts doing that disclaimer thing..."

• Teresa Strasser [09:13]: "Michael Jackson died due to lethal levels of propofol..."

• Adam Carolla [32:00]: "He died, probably."

• Teresa Strasser [38:02]: "I feel like there's probably something wrong."

• Adam Carolla [95:14]: "If you wanted to do that, you..."

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Conclusion

This episode of "The Adam Carolla Show" encapsulates the essence of the show's appeal—blending personal stories with incisive commentary on societal issues, all delivered with Adam Carolla's signature humor. Teresa Strasser's candidness adds depth to the conversations, making the episode both entertaining and thought-provoking for listeners.

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Note: Advertisements, promotional segments, and non-content portions of the transcript have been excluded from this summary to maintain focus on the core discussions and interactions between Adam and Teresa.

Transcript

[Giovanni]

Welcome to Corolla Classics. I'm your host, superfan Giovanni. This is the podcast. We play the best moments, highlights and fan selected clips from all 15 years of the Adam Corolla show. We have a companion podcast titled Corolla Classics for which the ad free archives are exclusively available through Adam Corolla's substack. Make sure to check out adamcarolla.substack.com, sign up, get access. You can also get access to Beat it out, the new show currently featuring Adam and Jay Moore. Now let's get to the clips coming up. First, we have ADAM Carolla Show 136 featuring Adam and Teresa Strasser. This one's from 2009. Bob Bryan was going through extensive treatment at the time and he would miss various episodes. So when they get back together to do the weekly Adam Carolla radio show format episode, he wouldn't be there all the time. So in this episode he happens to not be there because of a rough treatment week. It's just Adam and Teresa. It's a lot of fun. Hope you guys enjoy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Get it on Got to get it on no choice but to get it on Mandate get it on. Teresa Strasser is here for our day and date news show. The day is Wednesday, August 26th. Theresa has the news. First, a little personal chit chat before we get into the breaking news. Teresa has a ring that she needs cut off.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, my hand got so swollen. I should have taken the ring off a couple weeks ago, but I thought, I don't want to take off my wedding ring.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Teresa Strasser]

And I.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, especially when you're in your condition, right?

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, I just walk around like a whore.

[Adam Carolla]

I was talking about Epstein Barr.

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

You're pregnant too, and really sleepy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Yeah. I mean, when you have the belly coming out like you're from Biafra, I wonder if they get pregnant, their bellies go in.

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh, I never thought about that.

[Adam Carolla]

So you look like, you know, I mean, definitely showing at this point, about six weeks off.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

From. From birthing time.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And you don't want to be walking around like a hillbilly with no ring on.

[Teresa Strasser]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

But now your finger's swollen around the ring.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah. I went to the doctor yesterday and I said, should I be concerned I can't get this ring off? And she said, yeah, you gotta. You gotta have a jeweler cut it off.

[Adam Carolla]

I'd use a moil, actually.

[Teresa Strasser]

Well, they do have a really delicate touch, don't they?

[Adam Carolla]

I'll bet you half the Jewelers do a little moil work on the weekends, like, on.

[Teresa Strasser]

I tried everything. I looked it up online, and they said it's gonna hurt, but you can get it off. You tie some dental floss, and you put some Windex and you dunk it in ice and you put it over your heart. And I tried everything.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. And over your heart means higher than your heart, not you're pledging allegiance.

[Teresa Strasser]

Right, Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

To the jewelry gods. Well, actually. Interesting. I can't remember if I got into this on the air or not, but I went fishing with Jimmy and a couple other guys couple months back. And I was fly fishing, and I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. And I did the weird, crazy cast thing and, like, out of a movie, did the weird, like, whip, whip, whip with the. I was on a boat floating down a river, like, whip, whip, whip. And a gust of wind kicked up, and all sudden I pulled it and I heard, ow. And my buddy Daniel Kellison, who, you know, was standing on the other side of the boat, and I was like, oh, Jesus. It got caught on Daniel. And not only did it get caught on Daniel, it got caught on his neck. And when I say on his neck, I mean in his neck. I set that hook in his neck, and it was to the point where I was like, let me. Let me. Let me see what we got here. And I reached over and it was just hanging out of his neck. And I grabbed the end of the hook and I started to pull it. Like I'm, you know, slowly, slowly pull it. And his skin just came as far as I would pull. Like, his neck would just stretch out like it was a piece of rubber, but that hook was going nowhere. And then, of course, we're with the hillbilly, who is the river guide, right? And let me just show you. I'll tell you where this guy's at. The hillbilly river guide says the day before, when we're on the river, hey, mind if we pull over on a friend's house? He's up on the river here. It's about halfway down the river, pulls over, goes in there, comes back with a bunch of weed, then comes back with a bunch of hash. Then says to me, who wants to get high? And I'm like, well, I'll smoke some of the weed, but I don't know about that hash. He's like, I think, how's that hash made? It's like, whoa. You put it nice and you push it through a tube sock and all sorts of shit.

[Teresa Strasser]

Like how you get a ring off.

[Adam Carolla]

Crazy modern day hash. And so I'm like, well, just let me smoke some of the weed. I'll stay away from the hash. It sounds a little too much for me. But of course, a mile down the river, he's like, come on, smoke some of this hash with me. So I smoke some of the hash and proceed to go out of my mind for the next 10 miles down down the river. You know, I'm. I'm picturing Kevin Bacon up in the hill. Yeah, that's what I'm ready to take over me and Meryl Streep's boat, you know.

[Teresa Strasser]

Right. Or Ned Beatty.

[Adam Carolla]

Or Ned Beatty. So. So now this guy's got the thing stuck in his neck.

[Teresa Strasser]

Now, are you high on hash?

[Adam Carolla]

No, this is the next day. So I'm just drunk.

[Teresa Strasser]

But I appreciate that he trusted you enough to let you try to remove the hook from his neck.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, he didn't really have a choice. I just sort of walked over there and said, ah, let me see what we got here. And I felt responsible because I did it to him. And as I was pulling it, it was no different than you pinching a piece of your neck skin and just pulling and never letting go. Like, it would not come out. So the guy's like, well, two ways we can do it. We go to the hospital, and I'm like, we're in the middle of the river in the middle of Oregon. You know, like, how long is that gonna take? Or we can push it through the other side, cut off the barb, and pull it out again. Which sounds like, yeah, that sounds shitty, because now we're popping another hole, right?

[Teresa Strasser]

And how sterile can this hook be?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it was in a bass's mouth, you know, moments earlier, and then spat out.

[Teresa Strasser]

This entire episode is now he's just.

[Adam Carolla]

Sitting there and won't come out. And then he goes, or there's a third option, but I've only seen a guy do it once, but the hook was in his palm, not in his neck. And I'm like, how's it work? And he goes, we get some 30 pound test string. I tie it around the hook, you hold the skin taut, and I rip it. And it's like, yeah. And he's like, it might work. It might come out clean, or it might rip a hole kind of thing. And. And so we're like, all right, let's try it. I'll hold the hook. I'll hold the hook down. I'll hold the skin taut. You do it, and Then he starts doing that disclaimer thing that makes you really nervous. Like, now look, something goes wrong, right? I'm not, you know, saying, you sure you want to do it? I've never done it. And it's like, oh, God damn. Popped it right out.

[Teresa Strasser]

It worked.

[Adam Carolla]

Work worked like a charm.

[Teresa Strasser]

Now, do you pull over on the side of the river, or are you actually on the river as you're doing this?

[Adam Carolla]

I think we did pull over at that point.

[Teresa Strasser]

This is why you don't vacation with gentiles.

[Adam Carolla]

That's exactly right. So now the ring is going to have to be cut off.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah. My hands are so swollen, I can barely open and shut them. I guess it's normal at this point.

[Adam Carolla]

And there's just no way to get that goddamn ring off.

[Teresa Strasser]

I tried it. I mean, I had. There's no. Okay. I had a tube of Astroglide, but only because there was some kind of promotion we did where I think somebody went into a jug of it.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Teresa Strasser]

Maybe it was.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, the tube of Astroglide.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah. So I had a tube just somewhere in a drawer, and I thought, well, that's got to work. And so I was like sitting with a. With my hand in a bowl of Astro Glide. And that did. We tried everything.

[Adam Carolla]

I feel like heating up the metal, which you can only do to a certain point, obviously, is definitely going to help expand it. Then the lubrication is good. And then icing your hand and then heating and all that kind of shit. On the other hand, might as well just have a guy make a snip in it. Besides, it makes a fun story too, Right?

[Teresa Strasser]

And also it's easier for me to date.

[Adam Carolla]

But I'll tell you, when they snip it, they got a snip it. I mean, they're gonna. They're gonna get up there with something. I mean, it's not gonna be a hacksaw. It's gonna be something that. It's gonna be something with that has cutting teeth on it. But it's good. It's.

[Teresa Strasser]

It's gonna be nerve wracking.

[Adam Carolla]

A little nerve wracking. Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

If it gets my feet. I mean, it's so uncomfortable.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

Last night I thought if there was like an around the clock jeweler who would come over to your house and cut off your ring. There's almost no amount of money I wouldn't pay to get this ring off at this point because it's just strangling the life out of my hand.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I'll tell you the easiest way to get Rid of that ring. Just fall asleep in front of a Puerto Rican. Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, man, that's good stuff.

[Teresa Strasser]

Jackie the joke. Man style.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so you're gonna get the ring removed. You're swelling. You're due in six weeks or so.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, under six weeks mowing.

[Adam Carolla]

You're all belly and bosom. You ready to start the news?

[Teresa Strasser]

I am.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's hear Teresa Strasser in the news.

[Teresa Strasser]

Okay, well, remember when Michael Jackson was all about the Jesus juice?

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Teresa Strasser]

Now he's about his milk.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I know.

[Teresa Strasser]

It's not like the warm milk that some people take for sleeping. Michael Jackson referred to propofol as milk. Apparently, it's a milky substance suckling from.

[Adam Carolla]

The teat of Upjohn.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, exactly. And in this case, it was an intravenous teat, apparently. So you've probably already heard the Los Angeles Chief Medical examiner coroner has indicated that Michael Jackson died due to lethal levels of propofol or Diprovan. There is some talk that Dr. Conrad Murray. Well, obviously he's in a lot of trouble. At least one source, the AP is saying that the coroner's report is calling Michael Jackson's death a homicide.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

Now, a timeline has come out. Of course. Dr. Murray's people are suggesting that this timeline is a theory by the cops. It's conjecture. It's not based on any interviews with the doctor himself. But in any case, the timeline is. I don't know if you've heard this, but it's incredible. I mean, this guy could not get to sleep, and there was nothing he wouldn't do to sleep. So according to the affidavits, this doctor was treating Michael Jackson for six weeks for insomnia. Every night he would give him 50 milligrams of propofol diluted with lidocaine via an intravenous drip.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't understand about Michael Jackson. He's such a literal lightweight.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And I mean, it was like literally 118 pounds. It seems like, you know, a cap full of NyQuil would have put that bag of bones down for 10 hours.

[Teresa Strasser]

You know, I guess he had. He had built up a resistance to the hard stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll tell you what this kid really needed. First off, the King of Pop would still be alive, he'd still be fine, and he'd be sawing logs like a lumberjack. If someone had just thought to get the Huellhauser California gold box set for.

[Teresa Strasser]

The guy, that would have probably that and a little actual milk.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, like, imagine that there's Michael and It's like he's got the 15cc's of PropoBall in him and he's down in the sleeping pills. Like there are Pez. And he's just sitting there, eyes saucered wide open, can't do anything. And then all of a sudden we pop in Huell Howser. He's like, I'm standing in front of this Menudo factory in San Fran.

[Teresa Strasser]

Do you know how pita bread is made, Louie?

[Adam Carolla]

What we got here is bread that's shaped like a pocket. Can you get a shot of that?

[Teresa Strasser]

Are those rocks in that can?

[Adam Carolla]

And on nights when he really couldn't sleep, we'd show him the one from the Baghdad Cafe.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Now I notice you have a picture Ethel Merman on the wall. Was she ever in the studio? She never. Oh, I see. You just like Ethel Merman.

[Teresa Strasser]

Okay, nice to talk to you.

[Adam Carolla]

We see we got all kinds of rocks here. We got medium sized rocks.

[Teresa Strasser]

Dr. Murray failed to administer a heavy dose of Huell Howser. That's why you should be sued and.

[Adam Carolla]

Always try Huell Howser first.

[Teresa Strasser]

It's true, it's true. It's less invasive in many ways. So, okay, here's the.

[Adam Carolla]

Probably had enough money, you know, he's paying this guy like 150 grand a month. He probably could add Huell just come on over. House calls every night, 10 o'clock, Huell Hauser comes over to Michael Jackson's house. And we don't say them, we don't say, you know, just, hey, the King of Pop wants to know what you did today. Well, first I got up and brushed my teeth. You know, I like the Tom's Main spearmint flavor. I don't much care for the. Well, I don't say I have anything against antibacterial.

[Teresa Strasser]

So I then enjoyed a bowl of Weetabix.

[Adam Carolla]

Later on, Louie came over for a little something we call rough trade. I mean, you could afford like I feel like Huell would, you know what, 300 bucks a night. He'll show up, stand there in his waffle stompers and his desert shorts and just tell you what he did that day.

[Teresa Strasser]

I think you could get Huell for a lot less than 150 grand a month.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, okay, that's the point. Anyway, the King of Pop would still be alive if he just had gotten the box of California's goal.

[Teresa Strasser]

But instead, he got a lot of drugs. Okay, here's what happened. On June 25, when other drugs failed to do the job, Dr. Murray prescribed him a bunch of stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

So it's 1:30am Imagine Huell coming back. Louie. That black lady had a hole in her arm with some kind of liquid dripping into it that looked like goat's milk.

[Teresa Strasser]

I think that was a. I don't think that was a lady.

[Adam Carolla]

Ah, she had long hair. Louie. I don't have a lot of experience around the ladies, but I do know one when I see one.

[Teresa Strasser]

That's a man. He's like one of the most famous men alive.

[Adam Carolla]

Tomorrow we're gonna go to the number two Pencil factory in and in El Cajon. So get prepared for that.

[Teresa Strasser]

I just don't call him Mrs. Jackson because he's.

[Adam Carolla]

One side of the pencil's pointy and the other side has a rubbery bit on it called an eraser.

[Teresa Strasser]

I think that's an eraser.

[Adam Carolla]

That's for removing the mistakes you make with the pointy side.

[Teresa Strasser]

I think we've actually already done the pencil factory. I don't know if we want to go back there.

[Adam Carolla]

Louie. A lot of emails coming in saying they'd like to jam these things called pencils into their ears whenever I speak.

[Teresa Strasser]

Don't take that personally. That's just a couple of fans that don't understand what you're doing.

[Adam Carolla]

That black lady's known as the Queen of Pop.

[Teresa Strasser]

He's a. He's Michael Jackson. You know, Beat it. The song. Beat it.

[Adam Carolla]

Are you telling me to leave?

[Teresa Strasser]

No, Beat it.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll beat you with my waffle stomp when you raise your voice again.

[Teresa Strasser]

Beat it. Is that who you. I'm gonna go in the kitchen and.

[Adam Carolla]

Have some cashy, go lean and pretend I never heard this conversation.

[Teresa Strasser]

You know, Michael Jackson is a man. He's one of the most famous men on earth. He. He was the King of Pop.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, if he was a man, how come I wasn't attracted to him?

[Teresa Strasser]

Off the wall.

[Adam Carolla]

This conversation certainly is.

[Teresa Strasser]

No, that was his album. Off the wall.

[Adam Carolla]

Who's on first?

[Teresa Strasser]

Billie Jean.

[Adam Carolla]

She's on first. All right.

[Teresa Strasser]

Okay. So Dr. Murray, 1:30am, Michael Jackson can't sleep. Dr. Murray gives him 10 milligrams of Valium. That's at 130. At 2, he injects him with two quick Jewish question.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, 10 milligrams. A lot or not so much?

[Teresa Strasser]

I could take 10 milligrams and nighty night.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Teresa Strasser]

Then he injects him with some Ativan. That's an anti anxiety. Then he administers at 3am Some Versed, which I hadn't heard of before. I think that's usually only given in hospital settings. Then at 5am more Ativan. Okay, now it's 7:30. Michael Jackson still can't sleep.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way. You know, you like drugs like me and you. When they have the guy on Larry King and he's the doctor and he's like. And Versed. What is this? Well, it gives you a euphoric feeling, a lightheadedness. Also, you're tired, but you have a feeling, feeling like again of euphoria and a feeling of sleep.

[Teresa Strasser]

All your anxiety disappears.

[Adam Carolla]

And you're just sitting there. You're going. Instead of thinking about Michael Jackson, you're going, where can I get my lips on some of this shit?

[Teresa Strasser]

Me too. I'm like, maybe my gallbladder needs to come out.

[Adam Carolla]

That stuff sounds yummy.

[Teresa Strasser]

It sounds delicious.

[Adam Carolla]

Maybe I should go outside and like fall on a hoe or something.

[Teresa Strasser]

And then they cut to Dr. Drew and he looks all pissed off about the Versed.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he's disgusted at his fellow doctor.

[Teresa Strasser]

Okay, so it's 7:30, more versed. Now he starts monitoring Jackson and checking the oxygen saturation level of his blood. Okay, it's 10:40am now this has started at 1:30. Michael Jackson still can't sleep.

[Adam Carolla]

And it started 1:30 with the Valium.

[Teresa Strasser]

A.m. 7:30, 7:30am Versed. Right. For the second time.

[Adam Carolla]

Now it's 10:40. Who would you rather deliver your baby? This guy or Kanye West's mom's doctor?

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh, Jan. Whatever his name was.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, God.

[Teresa Strasser]

I mean, I go back and forth about this guy because he was obviously in over his head. And a lot of these drugs should only be administered by an anesthesiologist in a hospital setting, obviously. But Michael Jackson starts demanding it, and he's being paid $150,000 a month. But then I think, obviously he's really greedy and criminally negligent. He shouldn't have been doing this. But then part of me feels bad for him.

[Adam Carolla]

I do too. Because there's a lot of. There's a lot of crimes. Like when you hear about the guy killing the model, knocking her teeth out and cutting her fingers off, you're like, screw that guy. Glad he's dead.

[Teresa Strasser]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

You know, whatever. And then there's a lot of these stories about the guy who was driving home with a few beers in him and clipped the old guy on the bicycle with no reflectors on it at 2 in the morning. And you're like, that could have been me.

[Teresa Strasser]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

This falls in between those two.

[Teresa Strasser]

It's in between. I Mean, he got sucked in. And, you know, Jackson probably had a lot of doctors that were giving him things they shouldn't have. So. Okay. Now, after repeated demands, requests from Jackson, according to the affidavit, Murray administers 25 milligrams of propofol. Jackson finally goes to sleep. So now it's 10:40am finally just breaks down and gives him the Propofol. He's trying to break him of it because he thinks he's addicted. So Jackson goes to sleep, and 10 minutes later, according to Murray, he went to relieve himself. Says he was gone for two minutes max. And he gets back, Jackson's not breathing. He attempts cpr. Now, here's where things don't look so great.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, first off that I was gone for two minutes kind of thing. Sounds a little. Little shaky, but fine. I mean, he was really just monitoring him while he was asleep. Cause how long? You know, I would do a little monitoring and then. And then I would do a little texting and then I'd be on YouPorn, and the next thing you know, I'd be out of the mansion and down the street. You know what I mean? How long can you watch a guy sleep, right?

[Teresa Strasser]

Who's gonna know if you leave for a little while and maybe peruse the Jackson estate?

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Teresa Strasser]

So now he discovers him not breathing. 82 minutes pass before he calls 911. This is not good.

[Adam Carolla]

82 minutes. So almost an hour and a half passes before he calls 911.

[Teresa Strasser]

Between the time that Murray discovers Jackson not breathing and the 911 call. In the interim, Dr. Murray makes several cell phone calls. We don't know to whom, but it's.

[Adam Carolla]

Another one of those, what are you supposed to do when the most, you know, popular man on the planet is dead? And, you know, like when you pick up the phone and call 91 1, that's what's going to happen, right? I mean, it's. It begins now. I don't know. To me, that takes 12 minutes, not 81 or 82 minutes. That takes about 12 minutes. But I feel again, I would make a phone call.

[Teresa Strasser]

You're right.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, I would call, you know, Don King or the guy who started Motown or something. Jesse Jackson. Barry Gordy. Don King. Jesse Jackson.

[Teresa Strasser]

Mark Garagos.

[Adam Carolla]

Garagos. Al Sharpton. Like, what the fuck? Like, what do I do? Right?

[Teresa Strasser]

Well, he probably called. Well, I think he called the kid. There's reports he called Michael Jackson's kid, who called the security team. In any case, he refused to sign the death certificate at ucla. Which they say indicates a consciousness of guilt. He also didn't tell the doctors right away that he had given him propofol. He just said he had given him some lighter stuff. So, you know, he probably panicked. It's a hard thing to explain that Michael Jackson needed to sleep and that you administered this hardcore drug.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's the deal about today, like, where we're at today. I feel like as far as technology goes and crime solving has gone, we're well into the 21st century, but our brains are still in, like, the 18th century. You know, we think there's no such thing as DNA evidence and there's no such thing as these autopsies and taking, you know, liver samples and brain samples and chemical makeups of brain tissue and all that kind of stuff. Cell phone, tracing cell phone. You know, there's nothing you can do anymore if there's a dead body. You know, if you're around with your girlfriend and you're doing a little rough trade and you pull your strangler with a towel, there's no more of that. I'm gonna hop on the cell phone, then I'm gonna drag her body over. It's all. They all comes back to you now. And. And now it all looks bad, right? Because before, whatever happened looked like a careless mistake. Now it looks like murder one. Because you have all these cell phone records and you have all the DNA and you have all the shit. So the point is, is if you fuck anything up these days, if you hit somebody, don't hit and run. There's a camera at the intersection. It caught your license plate. It's the run part that really busts you. You know what I mean?

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh, absolutely. I mean, you were talking about Ryan Jenkins a second ago. That's the guy from Megan. Walt's a millionaire, Die blind. No, this is the guy who is accused of killing his wife. Who was that model, Better Voice. He was on? Megan Watson. Billionaire. And I love money. And, you know, so he. Okay, so he allegedly kills her and takes out her teeth and takes off her fingers so she can't be identified. But she's identified because of her breast implants.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

So there's no point in running. They're gonna figure out who she is. Technology is too advanced. Now, this guy, who's 32, was found. He hung himself in a Canadian hotel room after his wife Jasmine Fiore's murder. She was found mutilated in a suitcase in a trash bin. Anyway, his dad has come out. I do love this telling the LA Times quote, the boy we knew was not capable of anything remotely close to this act. You talk to everyone here who knew him before he went down there, and they'll talk about a wonderful young man, a thoughtful man.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, he fought enough to take her teeth and fingers off before he went back to Canada. Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

He didn't just dump her in a.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I know. Like, first off, this whole thing, like, whether it's the wife defending the guy who's a serial murderer, serial killer, or the parents defending, like, hey, that's not the Ryan I knew. Obviously not. I mean, obviously your husband, your kid, your whoever. Of course, you don't. Of course it's the homicidal maniac isn't the one you know, of course, right.

[Teresa Strasser]

At Thanksgiving, when he asks you for more yams and you're out, he doesn't say, really? Because I'm gonna hack off your fingers.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna take this electric knife that only comes out once a year and carve the shit out of your face. Yeah, no, of course it's not the one. You know, it is the one. However you created nature or nurture, you pick it, Pops. You created this. This guy. But this. I mean, this guy had a personality disorder. Obviously, if he thinks it's a good idea to head to LA to join the reality set. And according to the aforementioned Dr. Drew's book, these are the people with the highest level of narcissism. The reality show stars.

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh, yeah. Well, above actors, musicians, athletes, or the reality stars because they. They really, honestly feel like their lives should be televised.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, also, look, as big a pompous ass as you may want to say to is, he can do something that we can't do. Or as big an ass as Eddie Van Halen may be, he can do something that we can't do.

[Teresa Strasser]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

John McEnroe, he can do something that we can't do. But the reality show guys can't do anything and still decide we need to see them not do anything.

[Teresa Strasser]

Although, to be fair, I don't know if I would know how to remove a woman's teeth after I killed her.

[Adam Carolla]

Good point.

[Teresa Strasser]

I'm not sure. I can't even get my ring off. All right, couple of football stories in the news. Michael Vick is going to make his preseason debut for the Eagles tomorrow night. His coach says I can only go off what I've seen in practice, and it looks like he's moving around pretty good, says Andy Reid. Realistically, it's been two years. We'll see how it works out. He goes on to Say he wants to get in. He set this as a goal. You see him out there conditioning after practice. He's conditioning before practice. He's excited to get out there. He goes on to say, I'm sure he'll have a couple butterflies with it being a couple years since he's been in, but he's excited to get back.

[Adam Carolla]

To doing what he does, which is hanging dogs.

[Teresa Strasser]

Well, although maybe, maybe he can capture the butterflies he has in his stomach and electrocute those.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, good times. Like I said, I'd take him. I'd put him in at quarterback on every third down situation. I'd put him back at punter every fourth down situation and freak out the other team every time.

[Teresa Strasser]

Plaxico Burress also in the news for a couple of reasons. Yeah, for one, he sat down with ESPN and he explained what happened the night he shot himself in the leg. He says security knew he had a gun. He wasn't trying to hide it. They still let him in. They patted him down. They felt the gun. There was no stopping him.

[Adam Carolla]

Somebody was trying to steal his femur and he shot him.

[Teresa Strasser]

They're going right after his very important femur.

[Adam Carolla]

It's Plaxico. I mean, that's a world class. That thing's the size of a T Rex's femur. Are you kidding? It's gonna be worth something on ebay. Imagine, hey, Plaxico bursts. The guy catches the winning super bowl catch. That thing's gonna go for something on ebay.

[Teresa Strasser]

So he goes in the club and he says he's offered a chance to move upstairs to a VIP room away from well wishers. So he's going up the stairs and he misses a step. Now, here is what he told espn. My gun like slides down my pants. I didn't want it to hit the ground. When it slides down my pants, I go to stop it from hitting the ground. At that point, the gun goes off. Classico continues. I don't think you could do it in a million times that through your pants that threw your pants. You could try to stop it from hitting the ground. And my finger hit right on the trigger. It's like, what are the odds of that happening?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, how much Courvoisier have you consumed? Because, and look, here's the thing. The odds are zero if you have the safety on your gun, right? I mean, don't all guns come with a safety that you just switch on? So it's sort of impossible to switch to safety off and to hit, hit the trigger? I mean, I don't know if the interviewer asked him if the safety was on or not, but I don't know a ton about guns. I have some. I've handled some. They have safeties, and it's really hard to do it and, you know, squeeze the trigger and knock the safety off at the same time. So I don't know what you're doing going out in a club with your gun loaded and stuck, stuffed in your sweatpants and then no safety on the fucking thing. So he's an idiot. But can I say this, T?

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't give a shit about people that hurt themselves as it pertains to the law. I really don't. Whether you want to OD on drugs or shoot yourself in the femur. And I understand there's that sort of deduction math that people can do where, well, what if he was high and driving a forklift and then killed your kid when he was in the aisle of the big box store? Like, okay, I understand you can do a math where. Well, what if Plexico's gun went off and hit a toddler, right? But it didn't, right?

[Teresa Strasser]

There's not a lot of toddlers out at the Latin Quarter, right?

[Adam Carolla]

The point is, he shot himself. So to me, the judge's gavel dropped when the bullet hit his femur. That was his punishment. He shot. He literally shot himself in the leg. He was punished, maybe not by society, but by himself. He shot himself. Lesson learned. He was out a half a season. His team didn't make the playoffs or didn't go far in the playoffs, and he lost several million dollars because of it. Not. Not punishment enough.

[Teresa Strasser]

I agree. I mean, especially after. Listen, in today's news, you got a doctor who administers a drug that he should never have done, that kills a guy. You got a guy who cuts his. Allegedly murders his. His girl and cuts out her teeth, right? You know, even Michael Vick, who tortured dogs, this guy shot himself accidentally. It was foolish, and he shouldn't have been out with a, you know, loaded gun, right? But he only hurt himself.

[Adam Carolla]

And not. Not only that, but let's be practical. I mean, seriously, we're having huge problems with deficits here. And New York City, by the way, second to our own California. We're at like 26 billion in. In the red, but they're second. Sadly, it's only like 5 or 6 billion. I don't know how the fuck we got up to 26 billion, but they're like 5 or 6 billion. But they have a deficit. They have a $6 billion deficit. Here's a guy who's going to put into the system. Here's a guy who's going to be making 8 or 9, maybe $10 million a year and he's going to put back 3 or 4 million in taxes versus the 50 grand a year it takes to house this guy. I mean, let's seriously, seriously, I mean, let's, let's be pragmatic, right? There are people out there that are earners. Plaxico is an earner. Michael Vick is an earner. And not only that, what do you think these guys are going to do when they're not doing this for a living? What's Plaques and Vic going to do? Get together and open their own dentist office or something? I mean, think with these.

[Teresa Strasser]

Fabulous. Probably, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

They both had their eye on a Color Me Mind franchise. These guys are going to fucking cost the system. I mean, they're going to go out and get a bunch of people pregnant and fucking shoot an old lady or something. I mean, seriously, like, what are these guys going to do? There's a small window for these guys to put a ton of money into the system, right? Yeah, let them do it. Let them do it. They're earners.

[Teresa Strasser]

Would we rather that these guys be costing society in the form of what we pay for them to stay in prison or adding in the form of the taxes?

[Adam Carolla]

And not only that, but we do this thing where we're like, well, but if we, we have to make an example. Example? Why? Why do we have to make an example out of everyone? He shot himself in the leg. Is that really going to stop kids from playing with guns? You know what I mean? And then the two. And by the way, you don't need to make an example out of someone who had to have surgery on their thigh already. They've already caused themselves pain. And last, by the way, I don't know if shooting yourself is illegal, and if it was, why did Ernest Hemingway get to go free?

[Teresa Strasser]

Will he die?

[Adam Carolla]

He died. No, because he was white. Theresa, open your eyes. The man shot himself. He did not do one second in prison, you understand? But a man of color shoots himself. So let me just dig this, okay? Black man shoots himself in the thigh, does two years. Does two years, whitey shoots himself in the head. Not one second behind bars, scot free. You understand? But yeah, yeah, okay, he killed himself. Listen, but the excuses are like assholes. Everyone has one. They all stink. You know I'm right on this one. If Plaques had a long beard and wrote the Old man in the sea, he'd be scot free right now. God knows where Ernest Hemingway is right now. Out sailing somewhere enjoying his freedom. Not one second in jail.

[Teresa Strasser]

He died, probably.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay. Now he's dead by now. Yeah, I'm sure it's a long time ago.

[Teresa Strasser]

Now here's another obvious question. Why not use a holster? This is what Jeremy Shap asked Plaxico Burris. His answer? Bad judgment.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, there you go. Look, he made a mistake. He shot himself in the thigh. He's an athlete. He's recognizable. He's in New York. They just won the Super Bowl. He was. He's the toast of the town. And he unfortunately is in an environment where. Where he becomes a target. Now, he shouldn't go into that environment. On the other hand, it's hard to tell 28 year old guys with mega libidos where they can go out and get laid and have fun. Not to go out. I mean, who could have told you that a short year ago when you were 28?

[Teresa Strasser]

Teresa, I couldn't have been told anything.

[Adam Carolla]

You were too young to hear. The point is, he went out, he made a mistake, he paid for it. Why do we need to literally pay for it as time taxpayers? And again, I really do, you know. You know, in the eyes of lots, it's all this. Well, we can't, you know, lady justice is blind. She can't see. No, no. I want there to be a difference between the guys who are basically living in refrigerator boxes and drawing off the system versus those that are throwing it into the system. I would like something set up for them. Look, maybe he's got to do a bunch of PSAs, but for God's sake, keep that money rolling in New York. You guys need it.

[Teresa Strasser]

If you were going into prison and you had a couple extra shekels to throw around, would you hire a prison consultant?

[Adam Carolla]

I know this guy.

[Teresa Strasser]

You do?

[Adam Carolla]

I know a guy who's trying to do a book or series, I should say, on this guy.

[Teresa Strasser]

Well, the New York Post is reporting that Plaxico has hired a prison consultant to help him prepare for his upcoming jail term. Apparently they can earn as much as $20,000 to consult, and I don't see why it's a bad idea. I mean, it's gonna be a giant change. You might as well know what you're getting into. So the guy, you know, does he teach one of these Prison 101 classes?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he's the guy who started it. It's sort of like. Sort of like when I Did media training over Bragman, Nyman, and Camp Rally. Except for there's a black guy pulls his eyeball out and yells, give me your motherfucking shoes.

[Teresa Strasser]

Is this guy, you know, Stephen Oberfest?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know if more than one guy does it. One guy won in jail, and he basically realized, look, there's a hierarchy here. There's a way to not become someone's bitch. There's. Oh, there's, you know, first off, everything is completely brought. Everything is drawn up amongst racial lines. And if you're. Well, actually, plaques, he'll be fine. But one of my white buddies went to jail and said, look, if you're not Mexican or black, you're fucked, because you need to get in one group or another group. White guys are the low guys on the totem pole in the joint. God knows where the Jews would be in the joint. I mean, safety in numbers, right? Yeah. So, you know, I think first bullet dodge is be black or be Mexican and get in with one of the groups that because it's so segregated, so at least he's got the black part going for him. On the other hand, he shouldn't be with the general pop. I mean, the general populate. I mean, you need these guys for the general population. But plaques?

[Teresa Strasser]

He should be in protective custody.

[Adam Carolla]

Absolutely. Which case, you don't really need this guy, I guess.

[Teresa Strasser]

I think he's gonna start out at maximum security prison in Fishkill when he surrenders, and he'll eventually go to medium security. And you're right, I don't see him going in the gp.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, maybe it's just an etiquette thing, like, well, this is your salad spork, Right.

[Teresa Strasser]

Put your elbow. When you're guarding your food in the prison mess hall, you can put your elbow on the table. And also, it's not rude to eat before everyone has their food right In. In prison.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, the proper way to eat shit on a shingle is not with your hands, right? Mm.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah. Don't. Don't do that.

[Adam Carolla]

And again, the spork closest to the plate is for the entree.

[Teresa Strasser]

There may be also a course in, you know, how to get along with your cellie.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Teresa Strasser]

How to work out intimate details.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Teresa Strasser]

On to bestiality.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Teresa Strasser]

Jack Silver wouldn't let me do any more bestiality stories. That was an uncomfortable conversation. Got called into the office, like, this is a really weird day on the job. I had a talk with my boss. He told me no more beastiality stories.

[Adam Carolla]

We're wide open here, sister.

[Teresa Strasser]

I don't. And I don't know why this interests me. I feel like there's probably something wrong.

[Adam Carolla]

Why? You naturally gravitate toward beastiality.

[Teresa Strasser]

That's why I find it interesting.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Teresa Strasser]

I don't know. It's so. There's not much darker and more broken than somebody who wants to have sex with a goat.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm with you on the bestiality stories. As far as, you know, the people need to be locked up and, you know, euthanized. Really, in my opinion, because they're broken or they're kind of broken that probably can't be fixed. I'm just not into the part where the animal's the victim.

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh, I know.

[Adam Carolla]

Because that, first off, animals have lives where they, like, pull carts or sniff out drugs at the airport or, you know, jump on junkies out of canine units and stuff like that. And having sex, that is one thing they seem to enjoy.

[Teresa Strasser]

Right. Unless it's under the wrong conditions.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, let's hear.

[Teresa Strasser]

Okay, well, I'm gonna get to the goat and just know that this is horrible because, you know, guide dogs, service dogs, they're really amazingly well trained animals and they do so much for their masters. And a bad thing had to happen to one.

[Adam Carolla]

We're gonna get to that guide dog.

[Teresa Strasser]

Who would have at their guide dog?

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Teresa Strasser]

After all that has been done.

[Adam Carolla]

That's bad.

[Teresa Strasser]

It's bad. But first, the goat.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, can I ask you this? I feel like I used to see people out with guide dogs a lot. Like it's about the same ratio I saw as kids with the shorter leg that had the add a leaf onto their Nikes. Yeah, yeah. I used to see a lot of those kids. And I used to see a lot of people walking down the street with the guide dog, that weird leash, that sort of brace leash thing that went on them. I don't see him anymore.

[Teresa Strasser]

The last person I saw with a service dog was Richard Belzer. Remember when he came into our studio?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that was just bullshit because he wanted to fly with his child.

[Teresa Strasser]

Some kind of like a seizure detecting dog or something.

[Adam Carolla]

I said, belzer, how come you get to fly with that stupid dog in your lap? And he's like, it's a service dog. And I'm like, what problems do you have? And he's like, my wife has seizures. And the dog can detect the seizures in advance. And I thought, maybe that's true, but it also just sounds like a bullshit. So you can fly with your dog.

[Teresa Strasser]

It serves his need to be with.

[Adam Carolla]

His little doggie I still, and I can still can't wrap my mind around the fact that you get to fly with your dog. But if you have more than 3 ounces of pre, you get. I mean, like every time I go to the airport, there's a guy holding my toiletry bag upside down over a trash can, shaking it. And meanwhile Paris Hilton and her fucking mutt walk right past me. What the fuck is that? You can't bring your dog into a Starbucks. You're really gonna fly in a fucking. All right.

[Teresa Strasser]

Anyway, it gets your goat. All right, which leads me to this goat.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you.

[Teresa Strasser]

This is a story out of the Philippines. An 18 year old farmer faces charges for allegedly sexually molesting and. And killing a two year old goat.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, the Philippines.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Doesn't really count.

[Teresa Strasser]

This follows a drinking spree. Oh, a drunk guy decided to have at a goat. Now the owner of the goat says he was shocked to see the suspect identified as Rogie Calamon, sexually assaulting his pet at about 6pm I work with.

[Adam Carolla]

A Filipino guy named Pogi.

[Teresa Strasser]

Pogie. And this guy's Rogie.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Pogi means handsome in Filipino.

[Teresa Strasser]

Was the guy handsome?

[Adam Carolla]

He was pretty easy on the eyes, if you like Filipino guys. You know, diminutive but easy on the eyes. Nice portion.

[Teresa Strasser]

Pogi's kind of a cute name.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's funny because I said to him, what's Pogie mean? He goes, oh, it's a nickname. Just means handsome. Just means handsome. And you think it's real cute until you realize what a dick you walk around in your native Thailand or wherever you're from called a handsome.

[Teresa Strasser]

By the way, would you mind calling me just hot piece of Ass? Is that too long for a nickname? Please refer to me only as hot piece of Ass.

[Adam Carolla]

So Rogie got himself drunk, Rogie got.

[Teresa Strasser]

Himself drunk and then he tried to have at his friend's goat. According to the police report, he was going to gather some rice when he saw the goat in a quote, prone position and took quote, interest.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the goat was asking for for.

[Teresa Strasser]

It, then he was in the prone position. Oh, he could have been the goat. Yeah. Oh, you're right. Goat might have been female. Worse, it's gay goat. Well, according to the police report, Nairogi said he strangled the goat when it tried to resist his advances.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

So it's true that you shouldn't struggle.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

When you're a goat, someone tries to have at you who's drunk. Yeah, it hurts less if you just.

[Adam Carolla]

Just let it go.

[Teresa Strasser]

Just let it happen.

[Adam Carolla]

That tub Astro Glide you had left over from the Christmas show from 07.

[Teresa Strasser]

Work it also in the news. Bestiality story out of Florida. Better of all places now, I was telling you. Okay, first of all, there are some states that have banned beastiality. 35 states, some have not. It seems like an obvious thing to do. Kind of a slam dunk as a state. Florida, where do we stand on people who force animals to have sex? We should be against it. Florida undecided so far.

[Adam Carolla]

I know. I love that. Like, I'm sure. I mean, I would hope that. That this is a. Well, first off, I don't know. There's certain laws that aren't on the books because no one thought man could ever be that fucked up. Right?

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

And then there's certain laws that aren't on the book because they didn't know technology would be there. You know, so there's certain things that the sort of founding fathers never really thought. That never really thought we would get to. So. So I'm hoping there's no law in the books in Florida because. Not. Because someone said, hey, why don't we make chickens illegal? And the guy stood up and yelled, over my dead body. I think it's more like it never was and it's never come up.

[Teresa Strasser]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

It's not like someone got shouted down Right. On the. On the floor of the Floridian House of Parliament.

[Teresa Strasser]

I believe that you're right.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Teresa Strasser]

Although they've now had a lot of problems because when people do have sex with animals, they don't really know how to prosecute because there's no statute on the books making it illegal. So now there's a bill that would make sex with animals punishable by up to five years in prison. It's been approved by two Senate committees and has a couple other committee stops to reach before going to full chamber. Right now there's. Of the cases, okay. There's one Florida Senator, Nan Rich, a Democrat, who's. Who's on this. This senator has collected a file of a bunch of incidents, one of which took place in Tallahassee. There was a blind man Back in 2005, a kid accused of having sex with his guide dog. The man was initially charged with felony animal cruelty, but prosecutors dropped that and recharged him with breach of the peace.

[Adam Carolla]

Breach of the peace.

[Teresa Strasser]

Breach of the peace. They didn't know what to. What to charge him with. Also.

[Adam Carolla]

I guess that is why you have to have laws, right?

[Teresa Strasser]

Exactly. Also in Florida, there was another case.

[Adam Carolla]

Another goat sex with his guide Dog.

[Teresa Strasser]

His guide dog.

[Adam Carolla]

His dog. The dog must have been like, first off, you old shit, next time the signal turns green, I'm waiting till it turns red and I'm just gonna tell you it's fine. Go on out there, number one, Number two, like, hey, thanks a lot. Thanks a lot. I keep you out of harm's way. I take you to the bus stop every day. I show you, you know, I show you where the kitchen is and your socks are and this, is this how you pay me back? How about a nice squeak toy?

[Teresa Strasser]

How about some fake and bacon, right? Something.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but a raping, raping bacon, that's.

[Teresa Strasser]

Not what I wanted. No, in Walton county also, if you're.

[Adam Carolla]

Blind, the guy's blind.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Aren't you a little apprehensive about having sex with an animal? Like just fearing that a neighbor may be passing by. You know, you never really know how much privacy you have, right, because the.

[Teresa Strasser]

Guide dog would be the one to tell you someone was coming. But you're raping the guide dog.

[Adam Carolla]

You could be standing in the middle of the Vatican for all. For all, you know, the guide dog could take you, could take you to, you know, St. Patty's Cathedral. I mean, he could take you to the steps of the courthouse. You could be in a ymca, you know what I mean?

[Teresa Strasser]

Walton County, Florida, there were at least four goat rapes in a mossy head, including one that resulted in the animal dying. So apparently they've got a big problem in Florida. And you know, it's true that these people should probably be put down because there is a very strong correlation between people who have sex with animals, sexually assault animals, and sexually violent juvenile offenders.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, not only that, but it means you have no governing on your brain. Like, here's the deal. What's a bad idea to a guy who fucks his guide dog or a goat? You know what I mean? Like, is there. There's no filter at all, right? Like, all right, right now fucking a goat seems like a good idea. Later on, fucking a four year old seems like a good idea. I mean, you just have no. You know, people get really specific about this stuff. Like, hey man, this guy's into goats. No, he's not. He's not into impulse control.

[Teresa Strasser]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

He could do anything to anyone at any time.

[Teresa Strasser]

And of course, this begs one of our many questions about Florida, which is, Tim Gunn and Malcolm Gladwell moved to Florida, do they start looking at their pets?

[Adam Carolla]

Tim Gunn from Project Runway.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, he seems like such a classy guy. But if he were to Relocate to Florida.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

Would you look at his schnauzer a little differently?

[Adam Carolla]

Tim Gunn's gonna come out. He's got a members Only jacket on. He's wearing cut off sweats and flip flops. He's got a shotgun. He's like, yeah, I just got done shooting up mailboxes. You want in? Aren't you the super classy gay guy from Project Runway? You want some rock salt up your ass, cuz about you? Shut your face. By the way, I ain't no homo no more either. I'm into goats now.

[Teresa Strasser]

Let's just say Christian Amanpour shows up.

[Adam Carolla]

Christian packs on £90, gets a muumu, starts talking like she's black, puts her hair up in curlers, pushes around a shopping cart that's got one of those sticks that's on it so you can't get it out of the store. By the way, that means you live in a shitty neighborhood when your shopping cart has that piece of emt, it's a piece of piece of rigid conduit that's been duct taped to the thing so you can't push it out of the door. That always means you're not at a Gelsons and Encino.

[Teresa Strasser]

Right? There's no olive bar where you're going. Okay, here's a palate cleanser before I get to a quick STD story.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Teresa Strasser]

Obama taps Bernanke for second term. I know you're thrilled about this.

[Adam Carolla]

I love Ben Bernanke.

[Teresa Strasser]

Obama announced that he's going to nominate him for a second term as the head of the Federal Reserve. He said, Ben Bernanke has led the Fed through the. Through one of the worst financial crises that this nation and this world have ever faced.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, there. And by the way, these guys are lucky. We don't know anything about how any of these things works. Like there's nobody on the planet who goes, bernanke is doing a shitty job with the Fed reserve. I could do no, nay, my three year old could do a better job. I have no idea. And I don't think anyone has any idea. So nobody would know anything.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, apparently everyone's happy with him. His term ends January 31st. Fed chairman serve four year terms onto this STD story. The Brazilian Health ministry has created a website to let people inform partners they've got a sexually transmitted disease via an email. Virtual postcard. One of the cards shows a young man reclining in his underwear. It reads, hi, I don't know if this is the best way to tell you, but I'VE learned that I have an std. The card suggests the recipient see a doctor.

[Adam Carolla]

Why? Is it a joke?

[Teresa Strasser]

No, I guess.

[Adam Carolla]

Why is the guy reclining in his.

[Teresa Strasser]

Underwear to suggest that he. I don't know. I mean, maybe when you're coming up with a graphic, you're. You don't know what to use, by.

[Adam Carolla]

The way, do we need a graphic for everything? Do you know what I mean?

[Teresa Strasser]

Like, maybe not this.

[Adam Carolla]

Can't there just be words? STDs not gonna do it.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, maybe just. I'm sorry. I might have given you an std. You might want to get checked out, right? Maybe a sad face.

[Adam Carolla]

We need a guy smack. You know, banging a goat with syphilis to really, like, with an air. You know, with the universal slash going through it. Like, do we really need that? Why is the guy reclining in his underpants?

[Teresa Strasser]

They're Brazilian.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. Okay. Oh, sorry. Brazilian. Yeah. Everyone wears underpants, right?

[Teresa Strasser]

So they think that must be winter time. Exactly. So the official in charge of the ministry's STD and AIDS programs notes that many people have a hard time telling partners they're infected. So maybe this softens the blow. When you see the young man reclining in his underwear.

[Adam Carolla]

I assume everyone in Brazil's got something, right?

[Teresa Strasser]

Seems like Brazil, they know how to take off hair. They know how to do plastic surgery.

[Adam Carolla]

And apparently they know a thong back.

[Teresa Strasser]

They know a thong back. Seems like a fun country.

[Adam Carolla]

Tall and covered with shankers the girl from E goes walking.

[Teresa Strasser]

I have a special treat for you. Oh, so a little audio that. Okay, first of all, so I've talked about the parody porn a few times on the show. A year ago, I'd never even really seen a porn. I'd seen a porn only in passing. Then when I was trying to get pregnant, I thought this would be a good time to watching porn.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I cut you off for one second?

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna get to this porn story, but there's something I did forget. I was thinking about Plaques and I was thinking Plaques finding out that he got the two years in the joint happened about the same day the guy who killed 270 people over Lockerbie was let out because his ass hurt. Yeah, that had to be a nice. How do you do to plaques? Plaques. You're going in the guy that slaughtered more people than the Manson family and Dahmer and Bundy all combined. He's out because his ass hurts.

[Teresa Strasser]

I did not get that decision at all.

[Adam Carolla]

What the fuck is wrong? Was that Scotland that did that. What the fuck is wrong with you idiots? You didn't know what the world was gonna think about this.

[Teresa Strasser]

They said, oh, he's sick and he should, it's, it's inhumane. He should die with his family, really. Because all those people on the plane didn't die with their families.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, some of them. There were some, some. There were some family members. There were plenty of husbands and wives that got to die together on that 747 over Lockerbie. But yes, I know, it's like, are you high, you idiots? And then he goes back and there's a hero's welcome form. And then everyone, you know, then there's the, you know, goes back to Tripoli, like, he's like a conquering hero. Are they fucking nuts?

[Teresa Strasser]

They needed to hire a publicist, as you said, about many people.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Teresa Strasser]

To help them explain this decision to people.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. This is why, by the way, I want the death penalty. I wanted this animal killed the first day. They found him guilty in 91 or whatever the fuck it was. They should have just killed him. Scotland, by the way, here's my policy. I know we're supposed to be friends with Scotland. They get one bomb, they get one 2,000 pounder. And the good news is, it's surplus World War II, so it's probably not going to do too much damage, but there you go. Now, next time you think about fucking around, how about you talk to us first, you idiots. How fucking short sighted and stupid can you be as a country? Like, somebody went, hey man, this terrorist that killed 270 people, he's sick. Let's let him go back and, and go back to his native country and to a hero's welcome? Really? You didn't think that, like, not one hand went up and went, you know, I don't think this is going to look good on our resume. You know, when the footage of him, you know, shaking hands with what the fuck's his name? And having a hero's welcome. Really, is this going to be a good thing? It's just not going to look good for us, is it? No one wanted to think this through.

[Teresa Strasser]

Terrible. You know, as this guy's getting his hero's welcome. I'm sure there are people in jail who cheated on their taxes, Right. Or shot themselves in the leg.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Teresa Strasser]

Or, you know, whatever. It sold pot, right? And this guy's a mass murderer who's caused, you know, an incredible degree of suffering.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And he's hanging out with Muammar Gaddafi. And by the way, what the fuck is he still alive for. You know. And here's my whole thing. If we really had this sort of black ops thing where it's like, hey, man, you know how it works. You cross the line, we take you out. If we really had that. I wish we did really have that. I know we don't have it because guys like that would be in the ground years ago. What the fuck? What is him? Why is him and Fidel still going strong after all these years? Jesus Christ. Anyway, I don't. I don't blame a Mormar. I blame Scotland. They're nuts. Obviously they're fucked up. They're a mess. They're a joke of a country. Obviously they're nuts. Scotland, you guys are sane. What the fuck are you doing?

[Teresa Strasser]

I know. All right, so what did we know about Scotland before Haggis?

[Adam Carolla]

And yes, we liked you guys before. Now. Now this. All right, good. You deserve whatever you get from society for this horrible, fucking horrible decision you guys made. And by the way, all the victims, I mean, think about all the poor victims having to relive this again and having to deal with it and all the people that had the brothers and the sisters and, you know, you hear all these stories where it's like, oh, my daughter was a 19 year old student from Stanford who was going over there to. On a. You know, to study for. Gone. All fucking gone. Now this guy's out of prison. Ah. All right. Anyway, did they fucking recall the guy?

[Teresa Strasser]

They should.

[Adam Carolla]

We made a mistake. We fucked up, we're sorry.

[Teresa Strasser]

Back in the joint, we didn't think it through.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, and by the way, if Gaddafi has a problem with that, you will bomb your back further than you are now. I don't know what you have, I don't know if you have cell phones, computers or calculators, but you're going back the fucking Stone Age if you got a problem with it. So hand the guy with the ass cancer over. We're putting him back in the hole.

[Teresa Strasser]

He really had ass cancer?

[Adam Carolla]

No, he's got like, colon cancer, whatever it is. Anyway.

[Teresa Strasser]

Anyway, what could be easier than segueing back to the Saint Happy Days. Yeah, this is. It's right there.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

So, okay, parody porn. So we talked about, I accidentally stumbled across. Not the Brady Bunch, right? Parody porn, which looks just like the Brady Bunch and has a laugh track and thought, well, this is delightful. And again, I have very little experience with porn except this year of my life, so. But I thought, that's the greatest porn ever. But now this ain't. Happy Days has come into My life. And easily the opening scene is the best porn scene.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Teresa Strasser]

The Fonz has a three way in the bathroom with these two women. And one of them has her real boobs and she's really pretty and wholesome. And the other one is attractive too. And the reason he's having a three way is because he's been asked nicely by Richie and Potsy. And what's the other guy? Ralph.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Teresa Strasser]

They want to learn about his prowess with women, so he agrees to show them. And he has this three way in the bathroom. And it's all like, kind of kitschy and cute and there's a laugh track. And, you know, it looks like the diner where they hang out on Happy Days, except this ain't Happy Days. And on the wall it says sit on it. And then the Fonz guy points to it and then they oblige, but it's Holzman. And the women look like.

[Adam Carolla]

Is it over at Arnold's?

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, at Arnold's. In the bathroom at Arnold's, you know, the jukebox is there and the women look like they're having a good time. And the guys, as they watch, they don't, like, touch themselves or anything creepy.

[Adam Carolla]

They just watch Arnold or Italian Arnold.

[Teresa Strasser]

I know there was both. I didn't get to that because I only got to this first scene, but it was the rare porn scene where the women really actually look like they're having a great time. So one of the things that was really special about this Ain't Happy Days is the theme song. So your team of interns was kind enough to pull it.

[Adam Carolla]

Headphones on.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah. Thanks, Gabe and Mike for pulling this for me.

[Adam Carolla]

Speaking of pulling it, I'd like to see a clip of this as well. I may be pulling something later.

[Teresa Strasser]

I told them, if you can get me this audio, I will personally buy you this ain't Happy Days. So now I owe your intense support. One girl Sunday, Happy Days.

[Adam Carolla]

Two girl Tuesday, Happy Days.

[Teresa Strasser]

Threesome Friday, Happy Days. The chicks are fine, they blow your mind.

[Adam Carolla]

They're ready to jump on you. Probably the original band, by the way. Not like they're up to anything.

[Teresa Strasser]

Goodbye, good girl. Hello, whore. You're giving it up then you beg for more. You feel so tight. It won't be long before we're grinding to this song.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, the guy who did this music too thought he was gonna be the next Elton John about seven years ago when he came out to la. And then next thing you know, he's like talking to his Roommate. What rhymes with whore?

[Teresa Strasser]

Let's see. Goodbye. Good girl. Hello, Whore.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Teresa Strasser]

More.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

Chore.

[Adam Carolla]

He's probably already got a jump on the Laverne and Shirley.

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh, I wonder if that's next.

[Adam Carolla]

Chamille Just mazzle Hassan Pep Incorporated. That would make a pretty good one. Douche nozzle. Douche nozzle. Yeah, probably.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, maybe they'll make that.

[Adam Carolla]

I think we have one Skype call for you, Theresa. Before we wrap it up here, let's see who's on the line. We got Adrian on the line. Adrian, question for Theresa. Hello, Adrian. Yes, Adam? Yes. Hi.

[Teresa Strasser]

My question is for you and Teresa. Teresa, I read your nine Worst moms in History list. Thank you, it was good. But I noticed that Nadia Suleiman's name wasn't in there, and I was wondering why.

[Adam Carolla]

Nadia Suleiman? Yeah. Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

And Adam, I was wondering if you'd seen Nicholas Cage's movie Knowing and what you thought about it.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I saw Next, but I hadn't got to Knowing yet. I feel like Knowing would probably be worse than Next, So I saw it yesterday. The ending is kind of lame, but the movie itself isn't bad. You should check it out. Oh, really? All right, I'll watch Knowing and Worst Mom. Now, my mom's, by the way, she spells her name with a K, not C. H. Oh, really? I did this? Yeah. No, no, sweetie, it's K. Yeah, I.

[Teresa Strasser]

Did the nine Worst moms in history, and then I expanded it to the 10 worst, and I did add the octomom.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Teresa Strasser]

So you did.

[Adam Carolla]

So you did round it out.

[Teresa Strasser]

I corrected that.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, thanks for being a fan, Adrian. Take care. All right, Teresa, why don't you bring us home?

[Teresa Strasser]

That was the news.

[Adam Carolla]

There you go.

[Teresa Strasser]

That was uninspired.

[Adam Carolla]

Now should we go explore exploitingmybaby.com?

[Teresa Strasser]

Yes, please. Take a look at my website, exploitingmybaby.com.

[Adam Carolla]

Can we catch you on Dr. Phil?

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh, yeah, I taped Dr. Phil yesterday. It should be on in the next couple weeks. And I talked to Dr. Phil about baby names, because I still don't have one.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, well, we need to get to that next time we speak. And there's your day and date news show with our own Teresa Strasser. So until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Teresa Strasser saying mahalo.

[Giovanni]

All right, this classic vibe of Adam and Teresa just doing the news, chilling. Coming up next, we have adam curl show 141. Also just Adam and Teresa Strasser. No, Brian, this one does cover the station.

[Teresa Strasser]

Fire.

[Giovanni]

I was trying to avoid the fire topics because what's going on? But it is interesting to go back and hear how everyone reacted to the various wildfires that have occurred throughout Los Angeles the course of the past 15 years of the Adam Carolla Show. It's happened so many times. Even going through the Wikipedia for it is fascinating. Enormity is great. I hope you guys Enjoy Adam Carolla Show 141. Adam and Teresa Strasser.

[Adam Carolla]

Pluto TV is the place for movie.

[Teresa Strasser]

Fans like me and TV fans like me. They've got something for everyone and it's totally free.

[Jay Moore]

You can binge laugh out loud sitcoms.

[Adam Carolla]

Like Frasier and rewatch cult classics like.

[Jay Moore]

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[Teresa Strasser]

With NCIS or Tracker or curl up.

[Adam Carolla]

With a surefire hit like Forrest Gump.

[Teresa Strasser]

Run Forrest.

[Jay Moore]

Pluto TV has thousands of movies and shows, all for free.

[Adam Carolla]

Pluto tv Stream now, pay never. And it's time for another one of our wildly popular day and date shows. So it's September 2nd. Teresa Strasser's here. T bone. Yeah, we usually jump right into the news, but also a little small talk before the news get caught up. Tell us how you're feeling.

[Teresa Strasser]

I feel great. Feel really good. I'm about four weeks away from having the baby.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Teresa Strasser]

And I wouldn't mind if I was a little early.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah. Wouldn't mind.

[Adam Carolla]

Like to get that over with.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you sleep. You must sleep on your back. But did you sleep on your back? Ugh.

[Teresa Strasser]

Sleeping is hard. You can't sleep on your back.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you can.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah. Because some. Your. Yeah. The babies I'm carrying around right now is about seven pounds. And all the fixings, you know, like the placenta.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure. Stuff and gravy. Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

That's got away, you know, some clouds, too. And it'll. It'll suffocate important, you know, heart valves on you. Yeah. So you can't lay on your back and you certainly can't lay on your stomach.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you could if they made my orifice mattress and if they made my mattress with it. I wanted to make a mattress for guys because guys sleep on their belly. There's two things guys do. They sleep on their belly.

[Teresa Strasser]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

And they get a boner.

[Teresa Strasser]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

And it's uncomfortable. It's like having a kickstand under you in the middle of the night and you got a wiz. So imagine a mattress that just had a hole in it, just, you know, just big enough to take a beer can and you'd place it in the right place, and you'd sleep on your belly, and your boner dingling would just go right through the hole.

[Teresa Strasser]

Now, this is a good idea. Unless you have, you know, like, a.

[Adam Carolla]

Feisty pet, right, Who'll get his head caught in there and die or who could go up from underneath.

[Teresa Strasser]

That's what I'm saying. Pet goes under the bed. Oh, what's that dangling?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, between the mattress and the box spring. Sweetie, I appreciate flattery, but I ain't making.

[Teresa Strasser]

It's gonna go past the box.

[Adam Carolla]

I ain't making it through the first quilt of the top of the mattress, much less the box brain. And then underneath it, you just put a bucket.

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh.

[Adam Carolla]

So there you are in the middle of the night, you got your boner, you're on your belly, and it's like, you gotta take a whiz, let it fly. Well, how about my mattress with the dick hole in it?

[Teresa Strasser]

It's a very good idea, and I wouldn't mind one with a giant, you know, hole for the baby bump.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Belly knockout.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, it's. You wake up a lot because your bladder, when you have to pee even a little bit, it's so painful because it's all squished in there, so you just feel, like, a really crampy feeling. And then it's hard for me to, like, to get out of bed in the middle of night to pee because I'm just so big. So I start everything sounds like Ed Asner. I'm trying not to wake up my husband, but I'm kind of trying to wake him up maybe a little so he can help me.

[Adam Carolla]

So it's not to help you. Just so we can be. So we can share your business.

[Teresa Strasser]

It's like, well, how would it feel.

[Adam Carolla]

To you if your belly, like, you know, on a massage table, they have that donut at the end and your face just sort of goes through it. What about that donut? What if there's a mattress where your belly literally just hung through the hole in the mattress?

[Teresa Strasser]

I think that would feel really good. I think it would. Yeah. And I. I do fantasize about sleeping on my back because I was a back sleeper.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you were?

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, I was a back sleeper. And I'm told that the second the baby comes out, like, everything's fine, you can breathe. You just feel, like, immediate relief. Not two days later, but immediately when the baby comes out.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Teresa Strasser]

And I've started. The doctor told me the baby seems to have, like, a giant head and is on the Bigger side. So there may be a chance, or maybe this is just wishful thinking that they'll have to do a C section. But part of me wouldn't mind so much. Just. I know it's a magical experience of vaginal delivery, but if. Let's just say the doctors didn't want to do that, I wouldn't be sad.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I got the quiz for my wife the other day.

[Teresa Strasser]

What?

[Adam Carolla]

Which one was born first? Natalia. No. Sunny. Yes. And how far apart were they? Two, three feet? No. Time wise. Six minutes. No. A minute. Now I'm a bad parent.

[Teresa Strasser]

Because you don't remember the details.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what women do? They remember dates, and then they constantly quiz guys on it, and then the guys come up short and they decide they're bad people.

[Teresa Strasser]

Look, I miss my first anniversary.

[Adam Carolla]

Good.

[Teresa Strasser]

I forgot.

[Adam Carolla]

Good. I know which one of them was born first.

[Teresa Strasser]

But now when she. So she had a scheduled C section because of the twins, so, you know, there's no, like, waiting around. When's your water gonna break? It's all scheduled and you show up there. Yeah, but she's under.

[Adam Carolla]

She's. Oops.

[Teresa Strasser]

Did I just.

[Adam Carolla]

She's got. I don't. I don't know. She got some kind of pain.

[Teresa Strasser]

Epidural.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. She's not unconscious.

[Teresa Strasser]

She's with. She's. So you're. You can engage her.

[Adam Carolla]

One could have potentially. Can you hear, like, this one was so inclined.

[Teresa Strasser]

Can you. Now you. But you didn't choose to look at the actual cutting or anything?

[Adam Carolla]

No, they put that. You know, they do that thing they do on mash, you know, where they kind of put that screen.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And you get on one side of the tent, and the actions on the other side of the tent, they cut. No, I didn't. It was. I saw enough from where I was.

[Teresa Strasser]

Could you hear the slicing or did you have any experience what was happening?

[Adam Carolla]

No. I mean, I. You really. You go on one side. You hold. You hold. It turned out I was holding a nurse's hand most of the time.

[Teresa Strasser]

I didn't.

[Adam Carolla]

I was.

[Teresa Strasser]

It felt soft.

[Adam Carolla]

It was definitely. Hey, she had fingernail polish. Any port in a storm, you go on one side of the net and. And you can't really see through it, and you don't really want to see through it. And then you just stand there and you try to act like it's the most beautiful experience in the world when really you just want to get the fuck through it and then get home. The problem was, is almost immediately they pulled the pink and Light blue beanies on my male and female twins. And then I had to launch off on a tirade about what kind of idiot would buy pink and blue beanies. Pink and blue striped beanies? Beanies.

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh, each were. So now you can't tell which is which.

[Adam Carolla]

Absolutely not.

[Teresa Strasser]

That is ridiculous. Why would they have a pink and blue striped beanie?

[Adam Carolla]

Buy a thousand pink units and buy a thousand blue units. Don't buy pink and blue striped. I'll show you the pictures. It's like. And it's one of these things where it's my. It's my entire life. Everyone just goes, oh, who cares? And I go, what do you mean, who cares? First off, the girls should be wearing. When you. When. Once they go into the nursery, there's 30 kids spread out. One of the ways that you can. And you can't identify, they're all swaddled up and they're in these, you know, Tupperware containers. And one of the ways you can recognize your kid, at least narrow the field down, is the sex of the kid. If they showed the two kids with the blue and the pink beanie next to each other, I'd go, they're the Corolla twins. And then when you get hold of them, you can't really tell. Especially when you have twins, you can't really tell them apart for, like. I still can't tell them apart. So some brainiac has an idea of having a pink, blue, light blue and light pink striped beanie. And that's the only beanie they put over the kids. The kids all get a beanie. So it's super ambiguous and it's super confusing. And why fuck with the kid's gender at that very tender age? And whose fucking idea was that? And is a pink and blue striped beanie cheaper than a solid powder blue beanie or a solid pink beanie?

[Teresa Strasser]

Let me go back. Because now your wife has just been cut open and two children removed from her womb.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Teresa Strasser]

You launch into this tirade. How long after they come out?

[Adam Carolla]

No, I waited an hour or so.

[Teresa Strasser]

One hour.

[Adam Carolla]

Could have been an hour and 20 minutes. I wasn't watching the clock. I mean, soon as they clean them up, they toss the beanie on the kid and they put them into the. They put them into the, you know, incubator, and then you can't tell which kids. Which.

[Teresa Strasser]

When they came out, were they goopy and they had to be kind of washed off? Did they look cute to you or were they scary?

[Adam Carolla]

They're scary.

[Teresa Strasser]

And the first time they washed off. Say, you know, one of the kids and they hand them to you. Did you have the magical moment, like, now I'm a dad?

[Adam Carolla]

No, no. You don't really have any of those feelings. Just want to. There. There's the beanie. The 50, 50 beanie. You just can't get over the beanie.

[Teresa Strasser]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

You're also the part where you're cutting the umbilical cord, but it's not attached to anybody at this point. Symbolic. I was pissed off about that. I was told 1500 times I had to cut the umbilical cord. And as I've said on the show a thousand times, I didn't know it was a ceremonial cutting of the umbilical cord that wasn't attached. I was freaked out about that. I'd made it abundantly clear to everyone who I would. Who listened to me that I didn't want to cut the umbilical cord. And I was sort of forced to, like, here, take these scissors. Do it. It's fucked up. And I wonder. This pink and blue striped beanie did not exist in the. You don't. You're not going to see it on an episode of Mad Men, right?

[Teresa Strasser]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

This is part of the. Just sort of pussification of this country where we're trying to mix the genders and save a buck.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah. When Betty Draper has her baby, that's going to be a pink or a blue beanie.

[Adam Carolla]

Pink and blue. Awesome. You guys have any other ideas? Like how about a stop and go sign? Fucking retards. Anyway, well, so the news.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, the news. I was just gonna ask you a last question.

[Adam Carolla]

I got yelled at by the nurse for going to the bathroom in the. And then again, in. In a business, the only thing worse than the cunt that works at the place is the people that have to explain that she's a cunt.

[Teresa Strasser]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, she's really. She's really. She's really. You know, she does that to everyone.

[Teresa Strasser]

She's really good at everyone.

[Adam Carolla]

She gives everyone a hard time.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I was getting the stink eye and the stink lip from nurse Ratchet literally 20 minutes to half an hour before my super nervous wife was supposed to go down and be cut open with the kids. I was. I was reprimanded. We were in a room alone. Alone in a waiting room, which is not. Wasn't a. You know, wasn't a dentist office waiting room. It has a bed and it's in a room and there's a bathroom in that room.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And it's us alone. It's as if you and. And Batman were just sitting there alone in a room. Just, there's a bathroom. And Batman had to go to the bathroom.

[Teresa Strasser]

I can't believe you're mentioning this because we took a tour of our hospital. I don't know. They make you take it. They don't make you, but they suggest you take a tour. And we were in the room, me and Batman, they show it to you, and it's got the bathroom, and it really looks like it's your private bathroom. And he said to me, is this the bathroom that you're not supposed to use, like that Adam used? Then the nurse yelled at him, yes, because it looks like your private bathroom. It's for the patient only or some shit.

[Adam Carolla]

It's for the patient only. And I was reprimanded. And again, I want to say this to all the jackoffs out there who have struggle with their power and their sexuality and whatever else. I'm never coming back to this shithole again. What do you think I'm going to do? Be driving down Ventura Boulevard six months ago? You know what? I got to drop a shit. I'm going to go back into that place where we had the kids. I'm going to take a shit in that. Why reprimand me for something I can't ever do again? I'll never be back here. And then once I got reprimanded for, by the way, taking a piss. When I was done taking a piss, then I get the thing from all the other nurses. She gives everyone a hard time. Fire her cunty ass if she gives everyone a hard time. And by the way, this is. This is why unions suck. Because you can't fire anybody who gives everyone a fucking hard time and does a horrible fucking job at their job making. You know, now my Lynette's got to listen to me basically get into it, you know, because my thing was like, fuck off. You know, like, she came over, she's like, you know, that bathroom was only for patients. And I'm like, well, what are you going to do? And she's like, well, in the future, I'd appreciate it. And I'm like, don't worry about it. And she's like, well, sir. And I gave her the fuck off. Which, by the way, you know, everyone does that thing where they go, oh, thank God I did this and thank God I did that. I thank God I told people to fuck off a thousand times times. I. I would be a mess right now if I said to her, oh, I'm so Sorry, I didn't know. It won't happen again. No, you must. And everyone who's listening to my voice, you are now deputized to tell those people fuck off. Because the more backpedaling you do, the more emboldened they get. And then the next time someone comes in and have a kid and a nervous dad goes in to take a piss, she's even bolder than she was before. What she needs is a who gives a shit? Go bother someone else.

[Teresa Strasser]

Right? You're doing a service to the next dad.

[Adam Carolla]

This cost me 35 grand to have your post menopausal ass give me the stink eye. Get the fuck out of here. And then she heard me call her a bitch on the phone when I was. I was calling into the radio show and I was like, I got this bitchy nurse who won't stop riding me. And then she's like, I heard that. And I was like, good, spread the word.

[Teresa Strasser]

That's the only reason I'd be scared. Scared to tell somebody to fuck off. Because I would be afraid it would affect the care of my.

[Adam Carolla]

She was only in charge of the toilet. Evidently she didn't do anything else. And then, like I said, all the other nurses had to go apologize and explain to how she's a bitch and gives everyone a hard time. Awesome. Fire her ass. Jesus Christ.

[Teresa Strasser]

What should have been this magical bridge between Adam Carolla man and Adam Carolla father was really a series of aggravations and slights and pink and blue beanies and postmenopausal nurse rat shits.

[Adam Carolla]

I was irritable too, because I was gonna start filming the Hammer in like three days and I was trying to lose some weight to look like, you know, I could. I try to be a boxer. And you know, of course the. All the hospital food and the big things of muffins and the cookies. Everyone who came over showed up with a tub of chocolates and brownies and muffins. And I'm starting to get. You know how you're on edge when you're dieting and people keep shoving in your face? There's a little that. But here's the reality. Your kid is just a blob who doesn't know the difference between you and the dog for the first year. It really doesn't. And best friend will be Barney. Like, you know, seven months in. And as a matter of fact, would rather you just get run over by semi truck. And Barney raise he or she. So I know there's this bonding and stuff that goes on there's really nothing that goes on when they get a little bit older. And like, you know, when my son says, daddy, you're the best daddy in the world, and then he pauses and goes for a goofball and then laughs hysterically. That's. That's a bondage.

[Teresa Strasser]

That is a sophisticated joke for a three year old. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

When they start screwing around and they know you and they want to and you know, they'll do things. They'll pick you flowers. My daughter will pick flowers and come in and go, this is for mommy, you know, and that kind of stuff. That stuff's great. The part where they're just a blob, you know, covered with gel. Looked like they just popped out of that guy's stomach. An alien. Nah, there's nothing there for you.

[Teresa Strasser]

I think about it though, like when I'll be driving to the hospital, that'll be my last ride not being a mom. And in four weeks from now, I'm somebody's mom. And that's always going to be the primary thing I'm going to be in life is you can't.

[Adam Carolla]

If you think that way, you won't be able to cheat on your husband later on. You really won't. Hey, it's Adam Kroll from the Adam Kroll the Show. Bet Online is the world's most trusted betting platform and your number one source for online betting from the earliest odds to in game live betting. Betonline provides you with all the action and the ability to watch and bet on games as they happen with the largest selection of odds on everything from football, NBA, college basketball as well. BetOnline has NHL, MMA and championship boxing. All your betting needs in one place. Head to betonline today to get in on the action with America's most trusted site for online wagering. So have some fun. Make these games and these events and these combat sports a little more interesting with Betonline. Betonline, the game starts here. All right, what do we got in the news?

[Teresa Strasser]

Well, speaking of Glendale, Glendale's on fire. Everything's on fire. There are nearly 122,000 acres on fire here in Southern California. More than 2,500 fire personnel are battling these blazes. They started about a week ago.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I say this about the acre? Can we just fucking straighten this acre thing out? I was talking to my nanny, old guy, and I was like, what'd your dad do in Guatemala? And she's like, rancher. And I was like, I'm shocked. And then I said, how many acres did you guys own? And she goes, I don't know. We had a big ranch, but I don't know how big an acre is. So I don't really. I couldn't really figure it out. I thought, this chick grew up on a ranch with acres on it and still doesn't know what an acre is. You know, and they do that thing where they go, 22,000 acres ablaze. And you go, that's a lot.

[Teresa Strasser]

It's hard to picture. 122,000 acres sounds like a lot.

[Adam Carolla]

An acre, I think, is like 42,000 square feet. Feet, I'm pretty sure. But no one knows that but real estate people and even. That you don't know what 42,000 square feet really looks like.

[Teresa Strasser]

No. And then if someone says, this house comes with a half an acre yard, is that big or small, right.

[Adam Carolla]

43,000 square feet. Yeah. I don't know. Is it a football field? How big is a football field? How many square. It can't be a. No, it's not a full football field. Football field must be two acres.

[Teresa Strasser]

Well, it's unclear what started the fire. At least 10,000 homes.

[Adam Carolla]

I lit the pink and blue beanie. My kids had tossed it out the window.

[Teresa Strasser]

You kept it. You waited for a dry, dry day and then you lit it on fire.

[Adam Carolla]

Five acres. A football field is five acres. All right, well, there you go.

[Teresa Strasser]

So it's only 5% contained right now. They're trying to get a handle on it. 10,000 homes, 500 businesses, and 2,000 other structures are threatened.

[Adam Carolla]

The by the way, the fire marshal is definitely lowering everyone's expectations because he's like, we might have it out mid September.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, I know.

[Adam Carolla]

I've never seen somebody go two, three weeks. And also, you know that if you're going to be 5% contained, why don't you just say uncontained?

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, I know.

[Adam Carolla]

That's basically 95% uncontained. And I bet you're rounding up.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, it's more like three and a half.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's just say not contained. Right.

[Teresa Strasser]

You should just say, look out your window.

[Adam Carolla]

How contained is that?

[Teresa Strasser]

What do you think?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

Take a deep breath of air.

[Adam Carolla]

What do you think?

[Teresa Strasser]

And then wait for your nose to bleed.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So that's all La Canada and La Crescenta, and that's where I used to live. I used to live up in the LA Crescent of Flint Ridge area. So. Yeah, but it happens every year, and every year we're surprised.

[Teresa Strasser]

You know, it's true. I feel like every year we were covering fires. I guess some of These areas had not been on fire for a while.

[Adam Carolla]

And if you drive through Southern California, especially when it's, you know, 106 degrees outside, you're like, why am I not on fire right now? Like, why isn't everything on fire? Like you'll just drive through a canyon, look to your right, see a bunch of dead brush. Look to your left, see a bunch of dead brush. And then a bunch of, by the way, a bunch of car tires too. Because LA is a super filthy town. And a bunch of mattresses and sofas and shit spread all over the place. And you think, why isn't everything on fire?

[Teresa Strasser]

Now? I don't know. If you ever had a chance to interview Adam Goldstein, who was better known as DJ am, it seemed like he would have been a Loveline guest.

[Adam Carolla]

I think he may have come on after I was on Drew. Knew him, I guess knew him well.

[Teresa Strasser]

Well, he was very involved in the recovery community. And of course he was found dead. I don't know if, you know, he was working on a show. And MTV is undecided what they're going to do with this show.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, by the way, we've, we've, we've reached a very sad point in our history where people die before the shows they can work on get released. Like people in their 30s and late 20s are dead and then they can't decide, should we run the next season of Millionaire Bachelor where the guy hanged himself and then he killed the chick and put her in the Samsonite? Should we run that? Should we run so lots of boy, the person's dead before we even fucking get to the three month turnaround.

[Teresa Strasser]

I know. And in this case, I mean, it's especially macabre because he was helping other addicts. The show was called Gone Too Far. It was a show about addiction. It was set to debut in October. He was a self described crack cocaine addict who had 11 years of sobriety and he was hoping the show would help others, of course. He was found in his New York City apartment with a crack pipe nearby.

[Adam Carolla]

He was really overweight. Right.

[Teresa Strasser]

I think at one point he had one of those gastric bypass type surgeries.

[Adam Carolla]

Can you be a morbidly obese crack addict?

[Teresa Strasser]

I think if you're an addict, you'll.

[Adam Carolla]

Overeat, figure out how to do it.

[Teresa Strasser]

You'll overeat just like you'll overeat a drug, crack.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. Anyway, so he, he lost all the weight. He obviously survived the plane crash.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, he had some bad burns and I think he Started taking pain medication for the burns. But he was very careful about it and had a nurse administer and just take what they told him to take. There's some talk that maybe working on this show gone too far might have caused the relapse. He talked about it in an interview. In one scene for the show, he went to buy a crack pipe just to show how easy it was to buy crack pipes. And here is what he said about that. I realized after I was holding it, my palms were sweaty and I was like, wait a minute, this is not smart for me to be holding this. And I started really kind of freaking out. And he said, it's been tough. It's like I'm on the borderline of seeing people in their disease that I used to be in. But I have to know why I'm there. There's no better way for me to remember how low my bottom was than to see someone else at their bottom and offer them a chance out of it.

[Adam Carolla]

So now was it crack or was it. I heard it was prescription medication.

[Teresa Strasser]

Both were found at. In his apartment across, according to reports. Oh, so there was the crack pipe. There was crack, yeah. That's a bad combo.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know, I. I think I'm just old, but I don't know any of his work. Like I don't know the dj. I just know he makes the scene, dates the whoevers and all that kind of stuff.

[Teresa Strasser]

Engaged to Nicole Richie and Mandy Moore. But I guess he's an excellent DJ.

[Adam Carolla]

I know chicks love DJs.

[Teresa Strasser]

I know. Why?

[Adam Carolla]

I have no idea. I mean, I hate DJs. I was, I would, I hate them. I was in fucking Tribeca a few years ago with my movie and we're in the Tribeca whatever hotel and there was just a whole shitload of 45 year old white people sitting around trying to have a conversation. And this guy was just pumping the jam, just doing what I hate, just cranking it, the techno and house music. And everyone is sitting there yelling, like screaming at each other. And by the way, people get drunk and then they scream at you because you can't hear because they're pumping the jam and they spit all over the side of your fucking face. So just spitting and yelling and screaming. At a certain point I just went up to the guy and I just said, hey man, could you turn down a little bit or play something that, like a little more mellow because, you know. And he shot some attitude back at me and I said, hey, do you see anyone dancing? Do you see anyone Here dancing. Do you think any of these people like this shitty music you're playing? And he stopped and he goes, I like it. And I thought, oh, what a fucking douche. So I'm sorry that Adam had to leave us so soon, but I do hate all DJs.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah. 36 years old and he seems to have been very well respected by other people in the musical community. So maybe we're just, we don't know exactly what DJs do.

[Adam Carolla]

I know they annoy me. It, it, they annoy me at Christmas parties and it functions. They always get a 19 year old DJ, he always plays a fucking house or tech music. And then some guy named Herb screams in my ear because he represents McKenna VW and he wants his wife to get a picture with me. And they're both screwed. Screaming at me. And we can't hear and nobody ever dances.

[Teresa Strasser]

Okay, I'm curious to hear what you think about this story. The skank blogger. Have you heard about this?

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Teresa Strasser]

Okay. There was a woman in New York, she was I think 36 at the time. This blog called Skanks in New York was posted. And Skanks in New York was essentially just about one skank. Or actually she probably wasn't a skank. She was a fashion model. She'd worked for a store, Australian Vogue, for Armani. Her name was Liscula Cohen.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

And you know, she goes online one day and finds that there's a blog called Skanks of New York. It's all about her. And it calls her a psychotic, lying, whoring skank and an old hag who was depicted as a desperate 40 something in passing.

[Adam Carolla]

Is Daniel Day Lewis in that?

[Teresa Strasser]

Skanks of nyc? I think he was in Gangs of New York, not Skanks.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, I'm gonna check into. I like when people know they're wrong, but they explain they'll check into it.

[Teresa Strasser]

Let me check into that. Let me check into that. I feel like I remember Daniel.

[Adam Carolla]

Pretty sure Daniel Day and Diaz were in Skanks Scorsese Skanks in New York. I gotta check that out. But anyway, go ahead.

[Teresa Strasser]

So she was called an old hag and depicted as somebody who's 40 something and pastor Prime. Now, as a model, the difference between 36 and 40 is substantial.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Teresa Strasser]

So this woman wants to find out who is posting all this about me, so she goes to Google and they won't give up the name of this anonymous blogger. Well, this whole thing goes to. Goes to court. It goes to Manhattan Supreme Court is a huge.

[Adam Carolla]

I Saw the movie. At a certain point she's on the phone and they go, he's in the computer and that's when she has to run.

[Teresa Strasser]

When a stranger blogs.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

Well, turns out she sues Google and. Or she doesn't. She doesn't sue Google. She. Sorry, the model sues to find out the identity of this blogger.

[Adam Carolla]

They can tell.

[Teresa Strasser]

They can tell, Right. So it turns out now do you think it's somebody she knows? Do you think it's a guy? A girl?

[Adam Carolla]

I would say. Well, it's got to be jilted lover. Sounds too easy. Jealous, you know, ex girlfriend of current guy she's with. Sounds good. I'm going to go on a limb and say like family member. I'm going. I'm going to pick like sister who couldn't cut it as a model.

[Teresa Strasser]

You're smelling girl.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm going girl. And inside job.

[Teresa Strasser]

You're right on both counts. Although not a family member. They were just acquaintances who were both on the fashion scene. The woman who posted this, her name is Rosemary Port and she had a beef. Apparently they have some kind of ex boyfriend in common. She thinks that Cohen was saying, you know, talking shit about it to the guy and so she went online and decided to create a blog all about what a skank this woman was. Well, apparently that's defamation.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I mean, everyone gets into that slippery slope thing and you know, Google shouldn't give up. But why shouldn't they? If somebody's writing horrible things about you, you should. They should have the right to write horrible things about you and you should have the right to know who they are.

[Teresa Strasser]

I agree. So now this woman, Rosemary Port, who started the blog, is suing Google for giving up her identity for $15 million. And the defamation suit, by the way, by the model, dropped. Now that she knows who it is, she doesn't care about it. She just wanted to know who it was. And she's dropped her suit. But the woman who started the blog is suing Google for giving her up. It's a really interesting case because, you know, the First Amendment protects free speech, but it doesn't give you the right to anonymously defame and you know, maliciously harm people.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll tell you the only case in my mind the person has against Google these days.

[Jay Moore]

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[Teresa Strasser]

That you put in unlimited effort to unlock the unlimited possibilities of your small business. Get Internet, mobile, phone and TV services to connect all aspects of your business and see your business made limitless. Learn [e-mail] business.

[Adam Carolla]

When they entered their contract with Google, they had the expectation of being anonymous, right? So she probably wouldn't have. I mean, she's still a horrible person and I'd hate to see her profit from this, but she had the reasonable expectation of not being. Not having a dime dropped on her by Google when she did it. And I'll bet you she wouldn't have done it if she knew it. Now, if you knew going in that you could start your own blog, your vitriolic blog. But that all I wanted. Teresa Strasser, whore.com. if I wanted to do that, you.

[Teresa Strasser]

Could probably still get slut.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. All right, well, there's a. There's a skank. New York skank. L A West coast skank.

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Teresa Strasser. If I did that, and I thought, well, all Teresa's got to do is contact Google and it's going to come back to me, then I definitely wouldn't do it.

[Teresa Strasser]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

And maybe this is a new world where that's the way it goes. I kind of like that world. I'm fine with that way.

[Teresa Strasser]

I am, too. I mean, this woman, her only goal was to maliciously defame and harm a woman who she barely knows.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, this is Rose. I'm looking at picture.

[Teresa Strasser]

You're looking at the model.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I thought I was looking.

[Teresa Strasser]

But by the way, hold on, hold on. Rosemary port is also hot. But that's, that's Cohen, the model. You're Looking at. She's a blonde. I mean, she. She was a successful working model and probably still works. And something like this could damage her ability to work.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And there's only one way to settle this.

[Teresa Strasser]

How?

[Adam Carolla]

Double ended dong.

[Teresa Strasser]

Now, how does that work?

[Adam Carolla]

That's how they do it in the Old West.

[Teresa Strasser]

They do?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Teresa Strasser]

Like, I'll meet you at sundown with the dong.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. See you in the center of town. Center. See on the OK Corral. That'd be okay for me. Tell you that right now.

[Teresa Strasser]

Well, in another very, very disturbing story, this.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, now, hold on. Intern Mike. Is this. This the blog? Is this her?

[Teresa Strasser]

That is not the blogger. It's that headline says that. But the blogger is a. She has black hair. You probably find it if you. If you Google Rosemary.

[Adam Carolla]

Sounds like she has black hair, by the way. But anyway, poor.

[Teresa Strasser]

But she was a tr. I was surprised. I thought she was going to be.

[Adam Carolla]

Get out the double N. Let's settle this like women.

[Teresa Strasser]

I don't know. I just. I think about the person who sits home and decides I'm jealous of this model. I don't like her talking about whatever it is, and I'm gonna anonymously just call her a psychotic liar and post unflattering photos. I don't.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, she's horrible. You chicks, you know, your problems are you're not into cars or rotisserie football. You had a lot of hormones and extra time, and now we put that computer in front of you. That is a horrible trifecta there it is. Time. Computer and hormones. See, guys would do this, but guys are too busy with the fantasy football and the cars and all that junk.

[Teresa Strasser]

Well, just when guys are sounding so great, I can bring up Philip Garrido. Yeah. Now, he's been in the news because he is the guy who kidnapped a young woman named J.C. dugan. But he had committed a crime, at least one crime, long before he kidnapped J.C. lee. Sorry, Dugard. In 1991. And now there's this woman who's coming out. She spoke to CNN. Her name's Katie Calloway Hall. And in 1976, this guy ran into her in a parking lot. He asked her for a ride. She gave him a ride. She ended up in his storage unit. He held her captive in this mini warehouse in Reno, Nevada. He raped her. He handcuffed her, he binded her, and she thought she was probably going to die. A cop drove by, thought there was something fishy, and rescued her. Now, he did 10 years of a 50 or just over 10 years of a 50 year sentence. He was labeled a sex offender and put on lifetime parole. So it was while he was on parole that he abducted 11 year old Jaycee Lee Dugard.

[Adam Carolla]

I was screaming at somebody the other day. There's sort of like three kinds of criminals. There's your Plaxico Barist, which is just, I shot myself in the leg and I don't give a shit about anyone who does anything to themselves. You know, I did a bunch of drugs, I shot myself. I, whatever I did, I fucked, I fucked it up for me. Don't care about. Then there's a criminal where you go, all right, I don't like what this guy's doing, but I understand it. He's the poor inner city kid who robs a liquor store because he's desperate. He doesn't have a job and you know, his mama got five kids and daddy's a rolling stone and blah blah, blah. I don't like that guy. But it's a motivated crime, right? Then there's the, I'm going to snatch this kid out of the parking lot, throw him in the van and abduct this kid and do unspeakable things to this kid. That person needs to be destroyed because that person can never be fixed. Plaxico Burris can be fixed. He didn't, he doesn't want to shoot himself in the leg again anymore. Then we don't want him to shoot himself in the leg anymore. Right, Right. The guy who robs the liquor store can be fixed because if he gets a job and some income and it's not hungry or puts down the crack pipe and is not out of his gourd and strung out on drugs and doing crazy things, he can be fixed. Both those two. It's a motivational thing. The guy who thinks it would be a good idea to pull someone into their van cannot be fixed. That person is broken and horribly broken. And 10 years or 10,000 years in the joint does not fix that kind of broken. That's no fucking different than your car. Your car has a timing belt. And if we took your. And if your car broke the timing belt, we could park it here in my warehouse for 10 years. And then when it rolled out, guess what? It would need a new timing belt.

[Teresa Strasser]

It would not have spontaneously repaired itself.

[Adam Carolla]

The timing belt would not have mended itself because it had 10 years to sit around in front of the front cover and the cam sprocket and do some soul searching. Nope, it would still be broken. Just as broken and as a matter of fact, more Broken because things would start to seize and the fluids would get gummy. It would be more fucked up than it was 10 years ago when it was newly broken. The idea. And again, you taking. Look, there are guys that are accused of rape who roll over drunk on their old lady of six years and give them a good bang. And I don't appreciate that. But look, they're married. Whatever. He's not a threat to society. The ones who drive around in a van and snatch up 8 year olds need to be euthanized. They just need to be put down. And they need to be put down for them. I'm sure they're miserable. They have a disease and I don't think it can be cured. I really don't. And once you become a parent, this stuff really comes into focus and you just think, why wasn't this guy fucking put down? And then if you're the parent of the next kid that gets abducted by this animal, how fucking outraged are you that this guy was in prison for the exact same fucking thing? And by the way, I'm sure he would have killed the young lady in a storage unit if the cop hadn't happened by.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, I mean, he was in the middle of torturing her for eight hours, right? I don't think he meant well, no.

[Adam Carolla]

And again, he probably would have dumped their body somewhere a half hour later when he was done torturing.

[Teresa Strasser]

I mean, it is. It's unconscionable to think that they had this guy, they let him out. He was a registered. Everything went right in terms of the law. He was a registered sex offender. He was on parole. These are safeguards that were put in place that should have been put in place, but they didn't work.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. And he should have never been let out.

[Teresa Strasser]

Exactly. Okay, now, on a much, much lighter note, but also a story about crime. An Alabama man was at Hooters and he got his bill for $188.

[Adam Carolla]

He was at Hooters?

[Teresa Strasser]

At Hooters, got his bill for 188 bucks and he decided dine and ditch. He just was gonna skip out on his bill.

[Adam Carolla]

Done it before at the Hooters, not at the Hooters. I think it was at ihop.

[Teresa Strasser]

Did you tip when you dined and ditched?

[Adam Carolla]

Probably. Probably just not to raise around suspicion. What we would do is this. It was actually pretty good. We'd get like five guys together and we go to like the Colony Kitchen or the, you know, the IHOP or whatever and we would order. Here's how we did it. We Ordered all our meals and we do a rock, paper, scissors to see which one had to do the ditch. Because the other four or five guys would just get up and leave.

[Teresa Strasser]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

And the one guy be left with a check and then he'd have to figure out a way to get the fuck out of there.

[Teresa Strasser]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

But we had a little scam. I don't know how it worked or why it worked, but it would work. We ordered all our food on one bill and we ordered our iced teas on another bill. Like we go, can we have a drink on a separate bill?

[Teresa Strasser]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, I don't know, like one of the guys gonna buy the drink. And so one thing was 2850 and the other one was 275. And then I would take the 275 bill up to the cash register and just pay for that one and leave. So it wasn't like you're fleeing.

[Teresa Strasser]

You created a distraction by paying the. The beverage bill.

[Adam Carolla]

I did pay a bill. It was just not the one that was $30.

[Teresa Strasser]

Now you couldn't go back to the same place and dine and ditch there. Wouldn't they remember you?

[Adam Carolla]

Probably.

[Teresa Strasser]

So you have to move around.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

You hit a norms and an ihop?

[Adam Carolla]

Sure. Still doing it today.

[Teresa Strasser]

Just for the thrill.

[Adam Carolla]

Although don't fuck up and do it on your birthday.

[Teresa Strasser]

You would have gotten that free anyway.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's the IHOP at the Denny's. Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

This guy skips his bill, but I guess he was chatting up the waitress before he ditched. And he mentioned he was staying at the nearby Super 8 motel.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Teresa Strasser]

So the waitress called the cops and said this guy ditched his his tab and he's staying at the Super 8. So the cop goes over there and they check his room.

[Adam Carolla]

Super 8. Named after the film they used to make porn movies or snuff films. Yeah, most snuff films shot on Super 8.

[Teresa Strasser]

You rarely.

[Adam Carolla]

You want to shoot a. You want to shoot a snuff film, Come on down. We'll put the plastic down on the floor for you.

[Teresa Strasser]

Super 8 is not a good name.

[Adam Carolla]

No, most things that have the word.

[Teresa Strasser]

Super in it are not that super. Yeah, it's true. Super cuts.

[Adam Carolla]

Not so super.

[Teresa Strasser]

Not super.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

So the cops go and try to find him. Now apparently his employer had rented out five rooms at said Super 8 motel. And they pointed out the one that this guy was in. The cop knocks and he doesn't see anything. So he looks under the trundle bed, according to the incident report. And there was the Guy under the bed. The perpetrator told the officer that he did not know the bill wasn't paid for. When he left, he stated that several people were drinking with him and he did not think his bill should have been that high. He stated that he hid under the bed because he was scared. Not guilty, just scared. So he was arrested and charged with resisting an officer without violence and retail theft.

[Adam Carolla]

I would say resisting an officer without violence isn't really resisting under a trundle bed. Is really. Yeah, hiding. What? He answered the door and then hid. Or the guy got the manager.

[Teresa Strasser]

They got the manager to open the door and then he was hiding under the bed. What a sad night. From start to finish, just drinking it Hooters.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Teresa Strasser]

And then going back to the Super 8. Then having to hide under the bed when the cops come because you ditched.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

Then getting arrested.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, listen, by the way, it could have been worse because I'm sure after sitting at Hooters and getting plowed for two hours, he squeezed a quick one off when he got back to the Super 8. After all, that is what you do.

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh, you're right.

[Adam Carolla]

So he could have been caught in the middle of that. At least he was just caught cowering under the trundle bed.

[Jay Moore]

These days I can do anything from my phone book. A vacation order, a meal from a five star restaurant, buy and trade stocks. But maybe the most amazing thing I can do is make my dirty laundry disappear and then reappear perfectly washed and folded. I have rinse to thank for that. I just schedule a pickup in the Rinse app [e-mail] a Rinse Valet comes to get my clothes and before I know it, they're back, crisply folded and ready to wear. They even do dry cleaning which is returned hanging in a nice rinse garment bag. And with Rinse my satisfaction is guaranteed. If for any reason I'm not happy, they'll reclean my clothes for free. Best of all, Rinse saves me tons of time each week. That's time I get to do something I love versus something I have to do. So if you want to save loads of time by not doing loads of laundry, remember there's an app for that. Rinse. Sign up now and get $20 off your first order at rinse.com that's R I N S E dot com.

[Teresa Strasser]

Well, speaking of squeezing one off, Erin Andrews is a very attractive sports reporter. Some people call her Aaron Page views because everything about her gets downloaded. Now she was taped apparently by some kind of. They call him at least the New York Post calls him a. What do you call the thing in the door that you look through?

[Adam Carolla]

Keyhole.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, keyhole perv. She was taped in her hotel room naked, and it was very traumatic. There was about a five minute blurry video of her shot at a hotel without her knowledge.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

She plans to seek criminal charges and file lawsuits against whoever shot the video.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, she was in. In her hotel room?

[Teresa Strasser]

Yes, in her hotel room when somebody was shooting her through the peephole. That's the word, peephole.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, the peephole.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, through the peephole.

[Adam Carolla]

So there's a technology that allows you to shoot through a peephole because, I mean, there's no keyholes anymore in hotels. They have key cars, obviously, and you can't, can't shoot through one of those. Some hotels have the peephole, right?

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And. But whenever you try to look through a peephole, does it just. You see a reflection of your own eyeball that scares you? Like I. What do you see? Well, are they sure it was shot through that thing?

[Teresa Strasser]

That they're not quite sure. They, they. Like I said, they're calling him the. Him or whoever did it. The peephole perv. They're not clear.

[Adam Carolla]

How much time would you have to spend in front of that peephole before somebody walked out naked?

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, I mean, he must have been camped out there for a while, he or she or whoever to get this blurry five minute video. Now, when Erin Andrews discovered it, it was, you know, it could have been done months before. She has really no idea when it was shot. They did. Her lawyers did.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what? This is why I constantly change my pubes.

[Teresa Strasser]

You change your pubes?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

How so?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, like some days I'll have them shaped like arrowhead, right. And then like the next week I'll have a shape like a heart. Right. Now it's capital A.

[Teresa Strasser]

What about your logo? An ace.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I'll do an Ace. I'll do the ZZ Top. I'll do the two Z's for the ZZ Top.

[Teresa Strasser]

I got the swastika. You don't do not.

[Adam Carolla]

Certainly not around certain people. And you know, it's done. Well, first off, it's an indie. It's an Iroquois Indian sign. So that's. But anyway, the point is this. I constantly change my pubes so that if I'm ever photographed, I know where I was, you know, what face.

[Teresa Strasser]

So smart.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. She, I don't think had any pubes to change out. I think that was part of the problem.

[Teresa Strasser]

I just saw a stage still of it. I never saw the video because it was taken down, but she's definitely nude. And now she's going on Oprah to talk about it. She'll be on September 11th.

[Adam Carolla]

Maybe she did have some pubes.

[Teresa Strasser]

She had a little bit of pubes.

[Adam Carolla]

She'll be on Oprah to talk about it.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah. She says it was a nightmare. And she'll never forget when she opened up the computer and could feel my heart pounding. I mean, that must just be a terrible feeling. She says that she's excited to go back to work this fall, adding that it's really going to help me heal my wounds. She's going to be working this Thursday for the first time since the video became big news. She will be the Sideline Reporter for ESPN's broadcast of South Carolina at North Carolina State.

[Adam Carolla]

And you know, every guy on that football team has seen it. I don't know how you catch this guy.

[Teresa Strasser]

I don't either. It's going to be tough, but I mean, that is.

[Adam Carolla]

It's also going to be tough to get this guy arrested when every guy in America chips in a dollar for his defense fund.

[Teresa Strasser]

Do you think there will be the People perv defense fund?

[Adam Carolla]

I feel like there's a handful of guys that watch like ESPN that would definitely, definitely check that box. And then is anyone safe anymore? I mean, really? I mean, it's just the idea that you can take a camera and put it into a ring or put it, I mean, literally put into a clock. You can. You can do anything you want. The camera. There's a camera on every corner. I mean, everything's just going to be filmed now, right? I mean, it's not. Look, if you want to see someone naked, you will find them naked now, right?

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay, here's something that was filmed. It turned out to be a hoax. The Germans were doing some experimenting. And that never good. Never, never, never good. In this case, they experimented with a Michael Jackson hoax video. And it showed Michael Jackson hopping out of a coroner's van alive. Was produced by a German television station as an experiment. According to said German television station, they want to show how easy it is to spread rumors online. So they sent out a press release before they did the video to tell everyone it was fake. Yet still, when they posted on YouTube, more than 880,000 people clicked on it.

[Adam Carolla]

And this is him hopping out of.

[Teresa Strasser]

A corner alive, creating the impression that he's still alive. And a lot of people commented on YouTube, one person says all the moves, his posture, the stepping out of the van. Looks like mj. He steps out very cautious, like a moonwalk. Also the slowly walking. It's just like Michael did. Someone else wrote, I really hope he's still alive. I can never forgive him for scaring me like that, but I could never hate him.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I mean, if you think about the fact that we're living in a society, and this is our society, where like 70% of people believe in fairies. They have, like a personal guardian fairy. There's always, you know, 40%. Yeah. Have the guardian. You know. Then there's the ones that are believers in Jesus Christ. Now you got. Now you. I mean, between all those idiots and that's us. We're smart now. Picture the rest of the fucked up superstitious world. I mean, we are pretty insane, right?

[Teresa Strasser]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

This is always my. I don't think they're aliens. But this is why everyone would just go insane if aliens ever landed.

[Teresa Strasser]

Listen, I mean, I'm insane. I'm scared to buy a crib because I think God will assume that I'm being cocky about the health of my baby.

[Adam Carolla]

You're assuming?

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I have. I know that's crazy. Like, that the health of my baby has nothing to do with whether or not I buy a crib or have anything for the baby. Ready? But a lot of, like, Jews don't have baby showers.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah. Out of superstition.

[Adam Carolla]

Just the showers in general. With the Jews.

[Teresa Strasser]

I hadn't thought of that. No, come this way. It's gonna be. It'll be refreshing.

[Adam Carolla]

No, we lock the doors. That's what we always do for a baby shower.

[Teresa Strasser]

Baby Charles. You alike.

[Adam Carolla]

This robe. You alike.

[Teresa Strasser]

The hard work will set you free.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my God.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah. So, you know, I. I mean, I. I have stupid suspicions. I mean, superstitions that I know are stupid, but it's hard to avoid them. So I can see why people like to believe in their guardian angel and why they like to believe that the King of Pop might still be alive.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, let's bring it home. What's your last story, T Bone?

[Teresa Strasser]

Okay, I'll end with this. Well, do you want a story about a woman passed out at the drive thru eating a burger? Or the Duggars expecting their 19th child?

[Adam Carolla]

Who?

[Teresa Strasser]

The Duggars. They have a show on TLC.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, they're 19. But they're adopting, right? No, they're 19 biological children.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yes, they have a show called 18 Kids in Counting, according to People magazine, they're expecting their 19th child.

[Adam Carolla]

Child abuse.

[Teresa Strasser]

It really is.

[Adam Carolla]

Of course, it's abuse.

[Teresa Strasser]

Now, how did she know she was pregnant? Her 19th pregnancy came as a surprise to Michelle Duggar. She says, I was in Weight Watchers with Jim Bob. That's her husband. And I wasn't losing any weight. I couldn't figure it out. I was doing what I should. And the baby who was nursing was fussy. I kept thinking, this isn't right. She isn't teething. She doesn't have an ear infection. I'm not cheating on my diet. I should be losing weight. Then I put two and two together, and I wondered if I could possibly be pregnant. Well, she is.

[Adam Carolla]

What the. I mean, look again. We're in a society where the government just tells everyone what to do at all times. Every time you can't talk on your cell phone in your car, you'll get a ticket. You can't decide not to wear your seatbelt, you'll get a ticket. You can't decide to ride your motorcycle without a helmet. You'll get a ticket. The government, you know, we do this thing all the time. We go, well, would you really want the government telling you that's all they do, is tell you what to do, when to do it, and how much to pay them. Why not get them involved with real issues? When you have 19 kids, that's child abuse. Because a child needs a parent. And when you start fracturing it off, when you have one kid, they get 100%. When you have two kids, they get 50%. And so on and so on and so forth. They're into single digits. I have twins. And you really can't keep them both satisfied. Like, one of daddy wants to do this, the other wants to play with the trucks. One of them wants to go down in the TV room and do this, the other one is to go do that. And you really, when you're just alone with them, you can't really fully dedicate the kind of time you'd like to dedicate to both of them, not to mention 18 of them, right?

[Teresa Strasser]

And some of the older kids, I think, become parents to the younger kids. And it's unfair to them because they never really get to be kids. Right now, all of their kids have J names. So this way. Oh, wait to hear this. You got Joshua, James, Jayna, Marie, John, David, Jill, Michelle, Jessa, Lauren, Ginger with a J, Joseph, Josiah, Joy, Anna, Jedediah, Jeremiah, Jason, James, Justin, Jackson, Johanna, Jennifer, Jordan with a Y, and unborn child to be named later.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. Well, speaking of J's, definitely Not juice.

[Teresa Strasser]

They are not.

[Adam Carolla]

Jesus Christ, are these guys going, if I ever heard of them. Black people are making fun of these guys. Oh God damn, that's child abuse. Really is. And I don't give a shit if you put a roof over their head. And I don't give a shit if you guys all eat dinner at the same time. And I don't give a shit if everyone's ass is clean and nose is wiped. You have 19 kids. Emotionally, they're not. Their needs, emotionally, are not being met. Yes, they may be getting educated, they may be getting vaccinated. They may be getting meals. They're not having their needs met emotionally. T bone, one kid sounds like enough for you, right sweetie?

[Teresa Strasser]

I think so. Maybe two.

[Adam Carolla]

Nice job. As for usual, toss out that website.

[Teresa Strasser]

Exploitingmybaby.Com thanks for having me.

[Adam Carolla]

Thanks for the Dane Date News show and enjoy your September 2nd.

[Giovanni]

All right, that's Adam Crow Show 141 Adam&T from back in 2009. That does it for today's Coral Classics. Make sure to tune into tomorrow for more until next time. And get it on.

[Adam Carolla]

Pluto TV is the place for movie.

[Teresa Strasser]

Fans like me and TV fans like me. They've got something for everyone and it's totally free. You can binge laugh out loud sitcoms.

[Adam Carolla]

Like Frasier and rewatch cult classics like Higher Learning.

[Jay Moore]

Whether you're in the mood to solve a little crime before bedtime with NCIS.

[Adam Carolla]

Or Tracker or curl up with a surefire hit like Forrest Gump.

[Teresa Strasser]

Run Forrest.

[Jay Moore]

Pluto TV has thousands of movies and shows, all for free.

[Adam Carolla]

Pluto TV Stream Now. Pay Never.

[Jay Moore]

These days I can do anything from my phone book, a vacation, order a meal from a five star restaurant, buy and trade stocks. But maybe the most amazing thing I can do is make my dirty laundry disappear and then reappear perfectly washed and folded. I have Rinse to thank for that. I just schedule a pickup in the Rinse app [e-mail] a Rinse Valet comes to get my clothes and before I know it, they're back, crisply folded and ready to wear. They even do dry cleaning which is returned hanging in a nice rinse garment bag. And with Rinse my satisfaction is guaranteed. If for any reason I'm not happy, they'll reclean my clothes for free. Best of all, Rinse saves me tons of time each week. That's time I get to do something I love versus something I have to do. So if you want to save loads of time by not doing loads of laundry, remember there's an app for that Rinse. Sign up now and get $20 off your first order at rinse.com that's R-I N S E.com Spectrum Business knows that.

[Teresa Strasser]

You put in unlimited effort to unlock the unlimited possibilities of your small business. Get Internet, mobile, phone and TV services to connect all aspects of your business and see your business made limitless. Learn [e-mail] business.