Adam Carolla: America’s Power Washer + the Aftermath of the CA Wildfires

Summary

Podcast Summary: Adam Carolla Show – "America’s Power Washer + the Aftermath of the CA Wildfires"

Release Date: July 8, 2025

In this insightful and humor-laden episode of The Adam Carolla Show, host Adam Carolla delves into the aftermath of the California wildfires, particularly focusing on his personal experience with the extensive cleanup in Malibu. The episode seamlessly weaves together discussions on practical tools, societal observations, pop culture critiques, and political commentary, all delivered with Adam's signature unfiltered wit.

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1. Malibu Wildfire Cleanup and the Power Washer

Time Stamp: 02:05 – 09:27

Adam begins by recounting his intense experience cleaning up his Malibu property post-wildfires. The devastation left his condo and surrounding areas covered in ash and soot, necessitating a massive cleanup effort. Central to his process was the use of a pressure washer, which he describes as both a "pride of ownership" and an incredibly satisfying tool to wield.

• Notable Quote:

  "I got that goddamn pressure washer out and I went to fucking town. I went so hard."
  — Adam Carolla [08:29]

Adam humorously compares the evolution of pressure washers from bulky, horsepower-heavy machines to modern, more manageable models. He uses the pressure washer as a metaphor for societal advancement, suggesting that the prevalence of such tools indicates an "evolved society."

• Notable Quote:

  "A pressure washing society says evolved. It's like I told people all the time, it's like, if your society makes a bunch of quality automobiles, your society's fine, you're doing good."
  — Adam Carolla [13:28]

2. Societal Indicators and Gender Dynamics

Time Stamp: 10:00 – 26:05

Transitioning from tools to societal structures, Adam engages in a playful yet critical discussion about how the use of pressure washers reflects broader societal values. He controversially asserts that how a society treats its women is a true measure of its advancement, juxtaposing this with historical treatment of prisoners.

• Notable Quote:

  "But the point is, all right, fine. But we treat our women, I would argue, too fairly these days, and they're going nuts. But that's a different story."
  — Adam Carolla [11:12]

Adam further humorously critiques modern feminist movements, suggesting that their lack of clear objectives leads to generalized discontent without specific grievances.

3. Pop Culture Critiques: Movies and Music Videos

Time Stamp: 22:37 – 43:25

Adam shifts focus to a detailed critique of recent films like Ghost Rider and classic bands such as Def Leppard. He dissects plot inconsistencies and perceived insensitivities in these media, using them as vehicles to express his frustrations with Hollywood's creative decisions.

• Notable Quote:

  "They're gonna use my tack crows to go after drones just like they use hawks at the airport."
  — Adam Carolla [59:40]

Adam humorously imagines his own creations being used to tackle modern technological issues, blending his disdain for plot holes with creative exaggeration.

4. Political Commentary: UFC at the White House and Elon Musk's Party

Time Stamp: 63:14 – 77:32

Delving into the intersection of sports and politics, Adam discusses the controversial plan to host a UFC fight card on the White House grounds. He expresses skepticism about President Donald Trump's intentions and speculates humorously on the potential outcomes of such an event.

• Notable Quote:

  "Elon wants. Elon's gonna make a bunch of decisions that piss off a lot of fucking people. But tough shit, not everyone gets on the ark."
  — Adam Carolla [75:49]

Adam also touches on Elon Musk's announcement of forming a new political party, critiquing the viability and motives behind such a move.

5. Critique of Political Figures and Systemic Issues

Time Stamp: 78:08 – 93:09

The conversation intensifies as Adam vehemently criticizes political leaders like Nancy Pelosi, highlighting perceived hypocrisies and misplaced priorities. He sarcastically deconstructs Pelosi's statements on social issues, juxtaposing her luxury lifestyle against the struggles faced by ordinary Americans.

• Notable Quote:

  "Hands on the fridge because he just got his arm lopped off. No, we're not going to use the wood chipper."
  — Adam Carolla [47:45]

Adam's tirade extends to broader systemic issues, including insider trading among politicians and the inefficacies of congressional decision-making.

6. Media Representation and Diversity in Hollywood

Time Stamp: 94:03 – 103:25

In a pointed critique of Hollywood's approach to diversity, Adam argues that forced representation in media often feels unnatural and detracts from genuine storytelling. He laments the superficial attempts at inclusivity, suggesting that true diversity should emerge organically rather than being artificially imposed.

• Notable Quote:

  "It's one big in group. And it's now turned into an Audi because I think people are like, by the way, I love my Audi. It just could do so much better."
  — Adam Carolla [103:25]

Adam emphasizes the importance of merit-based recognition over tokenism, advocating for a more authentic representation of diverse groups in media.

7. Personal Anecdotes and Listener Engagement

Time Stamp: Throughout the Episode

Interspersed with his critiques and observations, Adam shares personal stories and engages in humorous banter with his co-host Dawson. From recounting encounters with animal invasions during cleanup to humorous takes on pop culture icons like James Corden and Lena Dunham, Adam maintains an entertaining and relatable narrative throughout the episode.

• Notable Quote:

  "There's nothing. I mean you couldn't walk past it without scraping yourself on it."
  — Adam Carolla [06:28]

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Conclusion

Adam Carolla's episode "America’s Power Washer + the Aftermath of the CA Wildfires" offers a blend of personal experience and sharp societal critique. Through engaging storytelling and candid commentary, Adam addresses the tangible impacts of natural disasters while extrapolating broader insights into societal values, media representation, and political dynamics. This episode serves as both a humorous take on personal adversity and a thought-provoking examination of contemporary American issues.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

In this episode, I'll get you all caught up by my big Malibu cleanup. Lots of pressure washer talk. Oh, man, the fires. Mayhem's got the news. And we'll do all that right after this. Hey, it's Adam Carolla from the Adam Carolla Show. Bet Online is the world's most trusted betting platform and your number one source for all your sports betting action. Baseball season is in full swing now and we're into NBA, got the playoffs, got NHL playoffs. BetOnline has more ways to stay in on the action with the latest odds news and scores. Betonline even as live in game betting while the games are being played. So it's never too late to get in on the action. With the largest selection of odds on everything from NLB, NBA, NHL and UFC, BetOnline remains the best online source for all your sports wagering info. And don't forget golf and professional boxing too. In between games, head on over to Betonline Casino with all the top Vegas style games including poker and live casino Bet online. The game starts here.

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[Jason Mayhem Miller]

From Corolla 1 Studios in Glendale, California, this is the Adam Carolla show. Today we'll recap the weekend news with Jason Mayhem Miller. And now, not sure if California's leaders are feckless or they just don't give a feck.

[Adam Carolla]

Adam Carolla. Yeah, get it on. Got to get on the judge again.

[Dawson]

Remember to get it on.

[Adam Carolla]

Thanks for tuning in. Thanks for telling a friend. We love that about you. All right. By the way, Irvine this Thursday, almost sold out at the Irvine Improv. Jay Morris gonna be on stage with me doing a live podcast there. Fun show. And then Covina Laugh Factory, two shows Friday, two shows Saturday. So come on out if you're in the neighborhood, say hi. The live shows live pod in Irvine and then stand up shows in Covina. Now stuff to talk about. I after, after all the years I've been on this planet and all the tools and I got tools, man. I got maybe more tools than 90. It's not 99%. It's 99.99%. Like I'm the only guy I know not, you know, I got four or five routers. I mean, who's not. I don't run A cabinet shop for business. But I mean, I got lots of nail guns, lots of routers, lots of stuff. Never, never owned a pressure washer. Never owned a pressure washer.

[Dawson]

It's the best.

[Adam Carolla]

It's the best. It is the pressure washer. The pressure washer back in the day had a 5 horsepower Briggs and Stratton, man. And that thing weighed 400 pounds. And you carted that thing and you would, you know, you could carve your initials into a sidewalk if you were Honda engine. Yeah, right. Or Briggs and Stratton. Yeah, Briggs and Stratton's the lawnmower engine.

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

But now it's a Honda. And then they started coming out with the Fae plug in ones with the. For the ladies. And I just announced that that was a sort of. To me it was like a weekend warrior item.

[Dawson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

There's like weekend warrior items are like the equivalent of like a guy who's a stereophile has all the different components. The receiver and the amp and the sub amp and the preamp and all stuff. My dad had a stereo that was am, FM tuner, turntable, and eight track player in one unit the size of a breadbox. You know, it was a Radio Shack. Like that meant it was junk, you know what I mean? And so I just sort of deemed the pressure washer is for the ladies on the weekends.

[Dawson]

Nah, it's a do a douche. We did it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So. And I'd use the power sprayer on the hose and spray the car off and stuff. But anyway, it was time to go clean up. Malibu. Malibu is everything in front is burnt, everything behind is burnt. There was like ash inside my condo. Like it was just shit everywhere and the outside was just covered. You know, it's kind of interesting, but stucco, like stucco finished with a sponge trowel. So every, every piece of stucco in Los Angeles is the same. It's like, it's literally. I always, I want to work this bit out, but whoever invented stucco with the sponge finish hates kids. Because it was just to remove skin from elbows and knuckles. Like how many fucking apartment buildings I lived in. Or as a kid, a bike, you know, trying to drive through, go through the two apartment buildings, your elbow catches like literally just 40 grade sandpaper just there to remove skin from children and fuck up poor people. Because every apartment I lived in had that long staircase with the stucco wall on both sides. You're trying to get the end table up. The thing that guy's got the other side of the ottoman at some point that you're turning the corner fucking knuckles.

[Dawson]

Leaving DNA evidence.

[Adam Carolla]

DNA. Just blood everywhere. There's nothing. I mean you couldn't walk past it without scraping yourself on it. My entire world, my entire childhood, my adult life has just been stucco finish. It's like a rough sponge is how they finish it. And it sucks the water on and leaves that rocky aggregate anyway. So if there's a fire, if there, if there is soot or fire or debris, whatever, in the air and it hits that stucco, it just clings. Yeah, it's like that fucking pressure washer will take the paint off a Mercedes. But when a fucking spider web gets into that stucco, you stand right next to it on full, that fucking spiderwebs like fuck you. It's like Stallone and cliffhanger. It's like, I'm not going. And you're like literally have to put the fucking thing down and reach up and pull the spider. The spider web is the most amazing natural occurrence in life. Because that, that, that pressure washer's coming out. 150 psi. That thing will take any. It'll move rocks.

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

But when you hit that spider web that's just up at like 10ft on the side, all it does is flop around. It won't let go.

[Dawson]

Puts in there deeper somehow.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dawson]

Fuses it with the stucco.

[Adam Carolla]

I get it. So. And the stucco just grabs all the soot and all the debris and all the dirt and all the dust. And it was hundred mile an hour winds mixed with everything on fire, mixed with dust of construction. Now there's cleanup. There's excavators and hoes and pickup, you know, big dump trucks going up and down. I got that goddamn pressure washer out and I went to fucking town. I went so hard. I started with the garage doors.

[Dawson]

And.

[Adam Carolla]

Just the most satisfying thing in the world ended up in the back on a like 20 foot extension ladder. I was like, by the way, this is how old guys get paralyzed trying to get the fucking spider web off the window that's grabbed. And I'm leaning and I'm just spraying. Shit's all rain, soaking wet, sneaker squishing. Just ended up on the roof. All right, on the fucking roof. Power washer on the roof, three stories. Hose going up the side, electric cord going up the side, standing there, pressure washing all the soot and fire debris, black shit everywhere covered. 3 days of non stop power washing. But I thought to myself, it became like, it's definitely a chore and it's definitely a mess, but it is so goddamn satisfying.

[Dawson]

Oddly, some would Say on the Internet.

[Adam Carolla]

I like woke up like on Saturday morning, I was like, gotta get that power washer. Gotta get back on. I got back, gotta hit the back. Then at the back, some guy power washed before us. And I was like, fucking call this power washing? Shit was a fucking mess. I mean, it was all what you could picture from historic Malibu fires. Six months later, never been touched. Just black soot shit. Also cleaning shit over my head, like overhangs and stuff. Shit's just dripping down on me. I'm like a power washing Viking. I'm going nuts. And then I thought, you know, I like to judge societies, you know, And I told you, you can judge your childhood by what kind of sandwich mom you had. You have a good sandwich mom. You could have Dr. Drew's sandwich mom is a shit sandwich mom. You could have no sandwich mom like mine. You have Andrew's mom, good sandwich mom, good childhood. I don't need to know anything more. You had a good sandwich mom, you had a good childhood. Then I later on thought, you can judge a society. They always go, you judge a society by how they treat their prisoners. But it's really how they treat their women. Because women are. You can always beat them up. You got £50 on them. It's not like you're not gonna win if you don't wanna, you know, you will win if you wanna throw down. So there are societies, you picture Middle Eastern societies where they fucking treat their women horribly. There's cultures in societies where they treat their women horribly. Here we basically let our women kick our ass and then claim to be in some sort of underclass. I don't even know. They got the greatest fucking publicist in the world. Men commit suicide, like five times the level. Women outnumber men on college campuses. They get a break on their car insurance and they live seven years longer. But somehow they're oppressed, even though I've been oppressed by every woman I've ever been with. But the point is, all right, fine. But we treat our women, I would argue, too fairly these days, and they're going nuts. But that's a different story. But it's how you treat your women. That's your society. What kind of. Because our society during Viking days would be like, hey, bitch, I get a blow job or you get a fucking battle axe crossing, or I get a.

[Dawson]

Blowjob from a beheaded woman.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Right. How about that, right? So we've evolved and now we're here. Okay? So now we're at the point where have million woman marches and they don't even know what the fuck they want. That's how out of problems they are. They're holding a march where the theme is, we don't know what's going. We don't know what our theme is.

[Dawson]

A general strike.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, we're generally pissed off, but we don't have any specific problems. Okay. How they treat women, I'm gonna add to that. I'm gonna say a society that uses a pressure washer a lot, you wanna be in. That's an evolved society. You wanna live in a neighborhood where there's a lot of pressure washing going on. That is a pride of ownership. That means a guy's got an RV and a boat, it's doing good. Also from a societal standpoint, first thing it says is, you couldn't pressure wash. And these Mogadishu or something, they don't have the water. First thing you need is a wild abundance of clean water. Wow. So much so you can just fire this rooster tail into the air in perpetuity. You know what I mean? Yes, you couldn't. If water's a fucking serious commodity, you can't do that in a culture that has to walk to a well, 10 miles with a gourd on their head. Just get a little drinkable water. Right.

[Dawson]

Pressure washer is a secondary economic indicator. Yeah, I know.

[Adam Carolla]

A pressure washing society says evolved. It's like I told people all the time, it's like, if your society makes a bunch of quality automobiles, your society's fine, you're doing good. Because it also means it make a bunch of dishwashers and also means you treat your ladies right. Like it's a pretty good indicator. I don't know, Andrew, if you can look what culture does the most pressure washing per capita? Well, I can tell you, we all can picture the cultures that do no pressure washing, right? You don't want to live with Ilhan Omar back in her home country, do you? Because there's no fucking pressure washing going in Somali. There's no Somali. I'll bet you I could knock on 2,000 Somali doors and go, pressure washer.

[Dawson]

Just. Yeah, Google pressure washer. Pressure Battabad for sale.

[Adam Carolla]

You couldn't make it 10ft. In a good California or good United States neighborhood, you can't make it two doors without finding a pressure washer. Yeah, that's fucking. That's a winner society.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I'm going to step outside the box and answer your question like this. The community that uses the pressure washer the most is the military community.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm, yeah. Yeah. I'd say they wreck also. There's no more bang for your buck. I mean, you know, chicks buy fucking handbag for five grand. Guys pay 400 bucks for some loafers or cowboy boots or something. This fucking $100 worth of pressure washer. No, I mean that, that is the, that is the best bang for your buck you're ever gonna fucking spend. Yeah, you're right. Jesus Christ. North America, particularly United States, accounts for the largest share pressure washing market.

[Dawson]

USA. USA.

[Adam Carolla]

USA. We should do like 100 pressure washer salute. Like when they do those Trump, you know, in Florida, everyone decks their boats out with Trump and just a crawl. They should have their pressure washer brigade.

[Dawson]

Two men. Yeah, or like line of.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, like a military wedding where the swords are over their head. North America, particularly the United States. Yeah, cuz we're better in fucking Canada and Mexico. Don't get me fucking started. Mexico's in North America, right? I mean, you always hear Canada, Mexico's so sad. We don't count them as we're like, nah, not really. I mean we don't want them lumped in with us. In Canada, the largest share of pressure washing is usually.

[Dawson]

Makes sense to me.

[Adam Carolla]

It makes sense. All right, now look, we can look at other indicators like test scores or tuberculosis or child born diseases or something like that. I'm looking at pressure washing.

[Dawson]

I think it's a good way to go. I feel like that's the standard bearer of a civilized society. Soap. And then the next level up is pressure washing.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's the society you want to live in. The biggest variety of sandwiches and the most pressure washing. If somebody said, I have a society, tons of pressure Washington, tons of variety of sandwiches, you go, I'll be fine.

[Dawson]

Where are they at with dishwashers? Is it just the women or. You know what I mean? Or are we going mechanical once I get the dishwasher? I feel like you've stepped up a.

[Adam Carolla]

Level a lot of now everything in the. Everything in this condo's gotta be washed. Every dish, every article of clothing. It's been sitting for six months.

[Dawson]

Like Gavin Newsom gets his shoelaces tied and Karen Bass finishes playing with their bean.

[Adam Carolla]

Jesus Christ. There is dust, there is fire, dust, debris on every single surface. Every single surface. I mean, you start at the roof, you go down to the garage, it's just everywhere and everything's wiped, everything's cleaned, everything. It's kind of nuts.

[Dawson]

But yeah, yeah, I'm asking. I mean, that's the remains of your neighbor's house on your House. It's like, isn't there everything around you gone? I'm just trying to paint the picture for the new listener ever.

[Adam Carolla]

There's a new fire vlog up now, by the way, if you guys want to go check that out at imcom. Every single structure in front is gone, including restaurants and everything else. Every single thing. Every other thing on the hill that I'm on is gone. But not everything, but every other thing. There's a cruel game where you end up walking. I walk through my neighborhood and I go, oh, that house. I really like that house. Some of those, many of the houses I have toured, they were for sale at one time or another. I just come walking in one place, Look, Japanese, you just put it this way. You can tell if a guy, you know, if a guy's good at jiu jitsu in 15 seconds. And I'll tell you if a house is done right. As soon as I walk in, I can see everything and I go, oh, this house is so good down to the ground. But. But the problem is there's some shitty houses that made it. And it's a weird negative thought, but it's kind of like when someone good looking gets abducted. You go, oh, like when a fat kid gets abducted, you're like, they should have been looking out. They shouldn't have never gotten a van. But it's like the good looking, when the good house burns to the ground and then the piece of shit across street still around, I'm like, yeah, I'd like them both to be around, but if I had a magic wand and I could pick one. But yeah, everything in front is gone. Everything. Which is weird because you walk on the beach and you just. It's a completely different landscape. It's like you used to just look at rows of houses. You want to know something weird? I lay in my bed, I hear the ocean. I hear the waves crash. I can lay there and just hear the waves crash. You couldn't hear the waves crash in the past because there was a row of two story buildings that basically act as, you know, you could kind of put a glass to the wall and kind of hear it a little bit, but it's now audible. All right, so zero building. And by the way, I know there's no building because Monday morning I woke up, I know the schedule for construction. I did not see one truck, one load of lumber, one crew, one backup beeper. Not one backup beeper. Hmm. Yeah, it was really. Was really kind of crazy. We're looking at it now, but there's nothing. There's nothing on that beach. And I have no idea if it's coming anytime soon. I'll tell you another thing that's funny, though. People. When I say people, I mean Mexicans are literally pulling their cars through people's old driveways. I had a sheriff guy come up to me the other day. I was just walking on the beach, and he's like, hey, man, I used the bathroom at the Beach Club. And I go, I think it's locked. And he goes, this guy. This guy and his old lady and his dog. Where people's houses used to be. There's no house. There's beach, and there's a driveway that goes nowhere. And this guy pulls his car into these people's driveway. This is private property, right? So everyone is just pulling onto the property, but it's not good enough for this guy. He's got to drive onto the sand. Onto the sand where the guy's living room used to be because it was above it. And the guy pulls out, gets his car stuck. The fucking highway patrol's got to hire a tow truck and get him towed out. But my point is, you're pulling your car onto someone's land. I mean, first off, just park on the fucking side of the street and then go have a picnic on that person's land. But you parked your car, you pulled your car in and went onto the sand like it wasn't good enough. People are just fucking having picnics on people's old patios and driveways that are at the beach because there's no house there anymore, and the owner's in Brentwood or Montana or something.

[Dawson]

Well, we've seen so many Subaru commercials that we figured that that's the way to do it.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the way I was thinking about.

[Dawson]

Going up there today.

[Adam Carolla]

I gotta tell you, man, it is surreal. All right, so the pressure washer was good. I saw that Jurassic park movie.

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Not very good.

[Dawson]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

Getting excited about it. Had a couple dumb scenes. Just wasn't that good. Yeah, yeah, they did that thing. They did a couple. It's just. Look, okay, listen to me. Listen.

[Dawson]

I am.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't want to, you know, spoiler alert, but they had a couple of nonsensical scenes in there. One of them is, everything okay? Everything's got to have heart now. Got, like, family and heart, Heart and family, and they just fucking ruin everything.

[Dawson]

I'm guessing it started out all right, right? The animals in the pens. Everybody's fine. There's computers are up and running right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they had a scene in this movie where this family was going along a river and they were on an inflatable Zodiac boat. And then they got flipped over and the T. Rex was there and the T. Rex was hunting them. And the girl was hiding under the zodiac. A raft. Hiding under the raft. And the family's like, come on, come on, come on. Everyone else was hiding behind some rocks and safe. And the T. Rex is on top. And at some point, the T. Rex bites down onto the raft, pulls it up, puts it in its mouth, shakes it, and you're like, oh, my God, the little girl. And the little girl, turns out she swam away and she's safe. And the fan's like, we're safe, we're safe. And then the raft pops up from under the water and they're like, oh, the raft. And they get in the raft, they're piling on. Raft. So you're telling me this T. Rex, a T. Rex, a full size male T. Rex, put an inflatable raft in its mouth, pulled it off this girl, shook it around and spat it out. And none of those 11 inch teeth pierced any part of an inflatable raft. Like, this thing is taking apart buildings and concrete with its fucking mouth and steel. And now you have a scene and nobody raises their hand in. The fucking rider goes. And then the raft pops up. Cut to. They're all back in the raft. They're going, yeah. How did the raft make it out of a T. Rex's mouth?

[Dawson]

Because you got it from Bass Pro Shop. It's American made.

[Adam Carolla]

Probably looking at some pressure washers over there. That's right.

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

They did that fucking stupid scene. They did another stupid scene. There's scenes in movies where they're dumb because only, Only if you were watching the movie would you be aware of any of this. Face Off.

[Dawson]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

One of the greatest Nick Cage movies ever.

[Dawson]

Yep. I mean, arguably the best John Travolta movie as well. Who? I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

God damn. I watch that Ghost Rider like, three times this.

[Dawson]

I love how unhinged that guy gets.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, okay.

[Dawson]

The.

[Adam Carolla]

The thing about Face off, okay, it had a scene. There's movies where only. It's like the character in the movie is not watching the movie. They're in the movie. But at some point in the middle of the movie when he goes to prison. Nick Cage. But it's really John Travolta with Nick Cage's head on him.

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

To go talk to Nick Cage's brother, to try to get information out of him. He's like, hey, brother. And his brother's like, yeah. Now all Nick Cage's brother who's in the movie would know if he wasn't watching the movie. He says in the movie all he knows his fucking brother came over, is in prison and is asking a couple questions. Why is he suspicious? That's. Do you know what I'm saying? And so in the movies, like, give me mom's recipe for potato salad. And it's like, why does he know? Because he's bad. Movies, there's somebody watching. The people in the movies are watching the movies because there's. You got a sister? You got a brother? Yeah, my sister Lauren comes over. I'm never like, not so fast. Like, it's my sister. Why do I think she switched heads with somebody? Why would I be suspicious that she switched heads with somebody? Faces. It's a movie. It means the people in the movie are watching the movie.

[Dawson]

I always thought that was a plot hole for sure. Yeah, there was a weird vibe this movie had.

[Adam Carolla]

This movie, they're in the boat and the big, you know, T. Rex. No, sorry. The big Aqua Jaws, you know, knocks the thing and, you know, and there's like this snotty ass little 13 year old girl since movies fucking want her to get eaten by a dinosaur. And she like, thing turns and she like slides off and she's hanging on the edge of the railing of the boat and she's looking at the bad guy, who we don't know is a bad guy yet, and she's like, help me, help me up. And the guy's like looking at her because he didn't want her radioing in and she was a pain in the ass and she was gonna fuck him up or whatever. And he's like looking at her and she's like, come on, help. And he's like, I don't know if I want to help this person. It's gonna fuck me up. And then she lets go and falls in the ocean and then she drifts away and we don't. That's a separate story, all right? But then at some point the bad guy is with Scarlett Johansson, who's the star, and they're like walking and Scarlett Johansson, the ship got wrecked and they're on the island, like walking around. She's like, what happened to Lucille? And she's like. The guy's like, ah. You know, the boat turned all sideways and she just slid off the railings and she's like, couldn't help her. She's like, no, no, she Slid off the thing. You didn't just let her drop. It's like, hey, bitch, how do you know the story? The fucking thing got hit by an aqua shark and the whole boat tipped over and she went to the drink. And you don't even know this guy's bad any at this point. So why are you questioning about something that happened that you weren't there for? You weren't there for that scene. I was there. I saw. But you don't know. Your character in the story doesn't know he's bad. And by the way the boat capsized, I think it's fair to say she fell in. It was every fucking man for themselves. What do you mean? It's a random question to ask somebody. You couldn't help them, like, no, I was passed out or conked out or I fell off the other side of the boat or whatever. I was concussed. Or she just flew off into the ocean. What do you mean? How do you know she was hanging on Scarlett Johansson and he didn't help, so she's so suspicious. Like, okay, I'm gonna check. When we see her, I'm gonna. Why? You don't know what his character's up to yet and you never saw this scene. But just like Face off. In bad movies, the characters see the movie. I love the parts they're not in is what I'm saying.

[Dawson]

I love that every movie you watch, you're, like, trying to help the villain out, push his goals forward.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, I like to help the villains. Oh, yeah? Yeah.

[Dawson]

So.

[Adam Carolla]

It'S just not. It's just lazy writing, but it was just dumb.

[Dawson]

Maybe they stick that in there, like, late. You know what I mean? Like, maybe the audience is not gonna get this unless she questions them about the incident.

[Adam Carolla]

Scarlett Johanss was just so good. She had to protect everyone and do everything. And she was a fucking mercenary who just wanted money. And then she makes the right choice. All right, 120 life. All right, let's get serious for a second. High blood pressure is the number one risk factor for mortality. Yes, number one. Here's a stat that'll make you sit up. One in two adults has high blood pressure. That's a coin flip. Could be you, could be me. Half of us are dealing with this problem. I have high blood pressure. I recently just found out now. 120 Life isn't just for high blood pressure. If you've got diabetes, listen up. Managing your blood pressure helps with that as well. Two birds, one stone. This stuff is legit. Over 750 doctors recommend 120 Life to help manage blood pressure naturally. Not some fly by night operation. I spoke to the man who invented this stuff. He had high blood pressure. I like I said have high blood pressure as well. And he talked me through what this was. I use it every day. Plus 120 life actually tastes good. It's a blend of super fruit juices. Refreshing flavor. Not like those other health drinks that taste like lawn clippings. Anyway, it's a real product by a very passionate man who doesn't even need to do this. He just is natural and wanted to lower his blood pressure. And it worked. I'm using it. It's working for me. They're so confident you can do a two week risk free trial pack. If your blood pressure doesn't improve or you don't like it, they got a money back guarantee, right?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Dawson, For a limited time try 120 Life and save 20% off. Just use the code ADAM at checkout at 120Life.com. 120 Life offers a risk free trial with a full refund. If you don't see lower numbers in two weeks, go to 120l I f e.com and use the code AD to save 20%. There's nothing to lose except your high blood pressure numbers. Go to 120life.com and use the code ADAM to save 20% off. Remember, you must use Code Adam to get this special offer.

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[Adam Carolla]

Anyway, I figured out if you are pressure washing all day, I mean up and down ladders, moving just, just on my feet just dragging cords and hoses and everything. I realize that you come in and out of the house a lot and you gotta fire up the tv. You gotta have something on. Okay, I did watch Ghost Rider but it's only because of the field goal. The field goal 300ft thing that I always fucking scream about. It made me mad because in the movie everyone said the news announcer, his mechanic said it, he said it. And five other people said field goal to field goal. And they didn't say goal post to goal post. They said field goal. Field goal is what you kick and a goal post is what you kick it through. He was jumping through the goal post and they kept they all five different people said 300ft when it's 360ft, because that's. They're at the back of the fucking end zone. The fact that they kept saying 300. A new record. 300ft, 360. No one said a fucking word. It drove me nuts. It drove me nuts. I started counting all the different characters that were saying it. His stunt coordinator's like, look, you're trying to set a new record. Field goal to field goal, 300ft. It's like, it's goalpost to goal post. And it's not 1971. They move them to the back of the end zone. That's where his ramps are. It drove me nuts. It drove me nuts. But I decided that the best thing to do was to put on MTV. Had, like the 80s hour, whatever. And you just put on MTV, turn the sound all the way down, and they just play 80s videos. And every time you walk in, you're in the middle of another 80s video. Cool. You know, it's weird. Another observation for that. There are, like, three George Michael videos came up. If you just watched a video, you go, that guy was a serious pussy hound. God, that guy liked fucking pussy. Nobody fucking liked pussy. Like, this George Michael guy always had hot models. Always had his BSA bomber jacket. Again, you. If you just watch George Michael videos, you'd be like, nobody liked pussy more than George Michael.

[Dawson]

I guess it would be nice.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean. Oh, also, Andrew, did he get busted in a Santa Monica bathroom, like, trying to blow a rando?

[Dawson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Undercover Cop.

[Dawson]

What?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dawson]

That's entrapment.

[Adam Carolla]

At the end of one of his videos, he's wearing a shirt that says, like, choose monogamy or a Try monogamy or something like that on a shirt. I'm like, that's a little preachy from the guy trying to blow dudes in a bathroom at a park. That's the opposite of monogamy, George. Yeah. That wasn't a wham. It was George. It wasn't Choose Life. He literally said, oh, experiment with monogamy or something. It was like being ironic, like having a threesome. But all this guy did was fucking. Every single thing was a hot chick, like, licking his ear and him whispering to them. It was hot pussy everywhere. And then a shirt that said, I want your sex right in the can at a bathroom stall in Santa Monica. He's pretty preachy about monogamy in hot chicks. And it was none of the above, for sure.

[Dawson]

I think he was an early troll. I think the whole deal was he knows what sells? And he was selling it to America meanwhile, you know what I mean? Getting a little rest stop area action.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm just telling you, you get a hold of young Adam Carolla, get a hold of me in 1985 and be like, who gets the most pussy in the world?

[Dawson]

Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

George Michael. Who loves pussy? George Michael. You're talking about the sports machine guy or the singer? No, no, this guy, he fucking. Everything was just about him banging chicks. But he was singing about dudes the whole time.

[Dawson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Maybe a little overcompensation.

[Dawson]

That's what I'm saying.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Well, speaking of trolling.

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait, go to the end of this video. I'm just sitting there watching this and I'm going, this guy got busted in a bathroom at a park trying to blow a cop.

[Dawson]

It says.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, see if he's wearing a shirt. No, it's a full screen. It goes at the end and it's like, experiment with monogamy. Explore monogamy. Yeah, that was the ending card. Fuck you, blower of guys in bathrooms. You wanna know what the opposite of monogamy is? Blowing a guy in a bathroom, go into Santa Monica and blowing a cop in a bathroom. That's the opposite. How much further? You know, you can't get further away from monogamy.

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

People could go, like, who's the furthest from monogamy? Like, what's the furthest activity from monogamy? And then you'd go, well, I guess if your husband was fucking one of your friends. Nope, nope. You can get further. You get further from exploring monogamy than that. Fucking your sister? No, no, no. Fucking a stranger? Yeah, a dude. Where? In the bathroom. Where at? At a party. Not a park. That's as far as you get from monogamy.

[Dawson]

Lapd. Get on the ground. Or get further on the ground.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, get on your knees. So I was watching George. I was exploring monogamy. And all I can do, I promise, I know too much. I have to sit there and go, this guy got busted in a park. Yeah. It was entrapment. Whatever.

[Dawson]

I told you.

[Adam Carolla]

I know.

[Dawson]

I convinced him to go off of the pussy and get back into that bathroom stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

Gateway cock.

[Dawson]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

Stepping stone cock. So I'm watching that. And then, speaking of getting trolled, I'm watching a Def Leppard video.

[Dawson]

All right. Got me back. Yeah. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Dawson woke up and the Def Leppard vid was a deep Def Leppard song. What was that song called? Do you know this one? I don't know. A Ton of. I know their hits. I didn't even know this one. It's a slow song. And I don't know why they're. They're not playing any of their top five tonight. It's called we're not going to play.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

The audio because we get hit with Copyright Infringement.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. But they're playing the video tonight, which is. I don't know, it's a. It's not, you know, it's a deep cut. I don't know why they're playing this video. There are five other Def Leppard songs to play. But anyway, I'm sitting there and I'm watching the drummer and the drummer's drumming with one arm, right? And it's weird. They shoot him a lot like, weird. But they don't get the stub side. You know, there's no arm from the shoulder. And they keep. They keep shooting it, but they keep going. They cut off it right when they get to. Right when they get to the whatever.

[Dawson]

In a bus accident.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I remember it was an automobile accident. I have a five minute bit just on. Oh, you do his arm? Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I'm watching this vid and I'm like, yeah, I know the story. Lost his arm.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Rick Allen.

[Adam Carolla]

Rick Allen. Car turned over. There he is drumming with the one hand.

[Dawson]

It's got to be weird when people.

[Adam Carolla]

Say to Rick, are you right handed or left handed? It's like, I'm. Whatever's left handed. Whatever's left handed.

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So he's playing with the one hand and I'm thinking about this story. And you know, I know cars.

[Dawson]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And you know, I know accidents and you know, I know George Michael history.

[Dawson]

Yeah, that's true.

[Adam Carolla]

And I'm like, he rolled his Corvette. He flipped his Corvette. He was ejected from the car. His seatbelt wasn't properly fastened. It didn't malfunction or something like that. And he got thrown out. And he lost his arm getting thrown out of his Corvette. And as I'm thinking about him losing his arm, it's a Corvette in the video. A Corvette comes pulling onto the scene and I'm like, did you. And by the way, I don't know that this is the right vid. Oh, wait, maybe it is, because this one was like black and white and had cars and stuff. Anyway, every video had hot rods. Now, it wasn't this video, but it was black and white. Anyway, the point is, is Corvettes start pulling into this video. And I'm like, the guy lost his arm when this Corvette flipped over. And I'M just saying, like, in terms of the guys who are doing the video.

[Dawson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Could we be a little more sensitive? We get a Ferrari, like, I get it. Do what David Coverdale did and get the Jag or what Sammy Davis. It's not Sammy Davis. Sammy Hagar did with. He couldn't drive 55. He had a Testarossa. You know what I mean? Look, you don't. It isn't this video. It's another video. It's another Def Leppard video that features cars that's black and white, but they're on stage. Andrew, in this one, the point is, did they do all right? Is it just some gay set designer who went, we'll just use a cool car? And someone showed up with a Corvette. Did anyone raise their hand, like in Ghost Rider, and go, it's not 300ft, and this guy lost a fucking arm with a Corvette. So could we just pick another car for our video? Post him losing his thing because he's going to go home, he's got kids and a wife, and they're gonna turn on MTV and they're gonna see this video, and then they're gonna see a Corvette, and everyone's gonna think about that day the Corvette flipped over and his arm was lost.

[Dawson]

Well, I'm sure he tried to raise.

[Adam Carolla]

His hand, but I'm saying some. They shot the band on stage and they kept splicing in this other B roll of cool cars driving around and hot chicks. So their band probably didn't even know what was going on.

[Dawson]

The B roll was a different day. They weren't even.

[Adam Carolla]

Is there not a person involved with this production that could just go, we should use another car other than a Corvette for this particular video, since he just got his arm lopped off. Is that. Can we do that? Or did the band know and we're fucking trolling him?

[Dawson]

Could be.

[Adam Carolla]

Were they fucking with him? You know when I talk to Kenny Rogers and I was like, coward of the county, he's like, yep, The Gatlin Boys, they came into town and they raped Becky. Yep. Gang raped her. There is a popular act called the Gatlin Brothers. Yeah, they opened for me. You didn't have to call the rapist. The Gatlin Brothers. Yeah. Well, I did.

[Dawson]

He knows when to hold them.

[Adam Carolla]

And the fucking Gatlin Brothers. Mom was all pissed off at the Emmy Awards and stuff because that was such a huge hit. He's like, there's the Gatlin Brothers. There's three of them, and there are three Gatlin brothers, You couldn't have gone with the Johnson boy?

[Dawson]

Straight trolling.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm saying they know.

[Dawson]

Yeah, yeah. The early form of going viral, you know, you couldn't do it on the Internet. You had to do it in a bigger way.

[Adam Carolla]

American Giant. Did you know that 60% of clothes we buy end up in a landfill within a year of being made? Historically, our clothes were something we held onto for a long time. Remember back in the day you had your favorite shirts and jeans and everything, but big apparel, well, they're companies that constantly find ways to make clothes faster and cheaper. Turning clothes disposable. American Giant is about durable non disposable products. They make clothes built to last. So buying from American Giant is an investment not just in clothes, but in community trying to do things the right way. That's what they're a community of old school. I got my American Giant sweat jacket hoodie on right now. This stuff's great. You can feel it when you put it on. Quality durability. American through American ingenuity and innovation. They went against the current to do better and they did. They believe in a new kind of conscious buying because small changes can add up to something big. It's American Giant, right, Dawson?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Support American made Terror free clothing with American Giant. Get 20% off your first order when you use promo code Adammerican Giant dot com. That's 20% off when you use code Adam@American Giant-Giant dot com.

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[Adam Carolla]

This video is from earlier. It's a, you know, so I don't know, it's slower. The band's on stage singing and they cut to these cars in the woods. It's more woods like, it's kind of like this, but it's not this. And there's 50s era early early model Corvette feature. Seemed insensitive.

[Dawson]

I would say, listen, you know what I mean if I roll mine.

[Adam Carolla]

Did the person that was shooting the video with the Corvettes, was there anybody there associated with the band or are they just shooting stuff?

[Dawson]

Yeah, I would figure that the drummer would be at some type of production meeting going whoa, whoa, whoa, hey.

[Adam Carolla]

No, because they just said we have these cool cars and there'd be. They didn't even know. They're too dumb. To even know the actual model. But anyway, I looked it up. 84, he flipped the vet and his lady friend was in the car.

[Dawson]

Ooh, what happened to her?

[Adam Carolla]

She was shaken up.

[Dawson]

That's it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he got ejected. All right. Yes. This is it. The first shot, the opening shot. Let me see. There's a T bird in this. In this one as well. And an old vet. I had to watch it. That's an old vet. That's a vet. That's at start, lights up, Corvette, then off the guy with his arm missing cause of the Corvette. Like, what if he lost his arm in a wood chipper? Would they feature a wood chipper in the next video? Because I don't think they would. I think someone would go, hey, Bob, roll the wood chipper off set. Why? Because he lost this arm in a gardening accident. No, we're not going to use the wood chipper. We already rented the wood chipper. There he is banging away with one hand while we see Corvettes. They go right from the guy's one arm lost under a Corvette to a Corvette. So what's going on?

[Dawson]

Having a hysteria. Yeah, look, I don't know, man. I wasn't at that production.

[Adam Carolla]

What year was this? And by the way, the lead singer for Def Leppard had a real fucking mullet that no one really, because I think he's British. They didn't really give him the mullet credit he deserved, but he had a real mullet.

[Dawson]

Yeah, yeah, definitely.

[Adam Carolla]

Corvette. Corvette. Corvette. Yeah. This is from Hysteria.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, the song is Hysteria.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, it is. Oh, I fucked that up.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

According to some sources, their seventh most most popular song.

[Adam Carolla]

So you were right.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

There's five other songs, six other songs they could have.

[Adam Carolla]

What year did this come out? Because he fucking lost his arm in 80. Oh, 87. All right. Crash. 84. I mean, this is him. This is him back. He's coming back to sing a song with a Corvette in it. Yep. Yeah, he's back for this.

[Dawson]

Maybe they're just showing that he shook it off like he's fine being one armed drummer now. I mean, look, at some point, acceptance set in.

[Adam Carolla]

I think the answer is whether it's Ghost Rider or this, no one knows what the fuck they're doing. Like, no one even cares. I tell people all the time, would you do that if you do that, Gatlin Brothers?

[Dawson]

I don't know. I would love to see you on set with the clipboard being the continuity manager.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I've been. I've been on. Believe you fucking me. Oh, I'm everyone's worst nightmare. All right, so then I'm watching another video, all right, and it's Van Halen comes on.

[Dawson]

Now, how much were you power washing?

[Adam Carolla]

If you're watching all these, Watch the Judgment. Watch the fucking Judgment. I'd have. Well, first off, I'd have cooled down with a little Arnold Palmer. I'd be fucking outside power washing my ass off all fucking day. I come inside, just take a load off. But also, I'm always on the clock because everything I see, I gotta make a note, you know. And so now comes Van Halen and this unchained Van Halen. First off, I don't know, David Lee Roth turned into a sort of comic book character. But that fucking guy, man, when he was at the height of his powers, I mean, that was rock and roll.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

He's the king of frontmen.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, the king. I mean, he, you know, he took over for Howard Stern and got a little nutty toward the end and got a little wackadoodle. But when you see that guy in those, first off, he's wearing pants that go down just above. They stop right above his pubic line. I mean, you couldn't wear pants any lower than David Lee Roth and they couldn't be any tighter, right? And so he's. He's got the pants, I mean, sucked up the butt, you know, he's. He's 3% body fat at this point. Then they go to eddie. Eddie is 4% body fat. Striate. Looks like a middleweight UFC guy who's cut water weight. Yeah, Ross up there, the six pack, shirts off, Ultimate Warrior pants. Ultimate Warrior pants. Yeah. Mock a doodles up there. Mukluk mocka moccasins all the way up. Then they go to Alex Van Halen. He's sitting on the fucking drum kit. He's a 3% body body fat. And then they cut to poor old Michael Anthony, the husky one. And he's like in a jumpsuit that your mom's friend Elaine would have worn in the 80s. It's like. All I'm saying is, do you think that Michael Anthony went. He couldn't go to Eddie and he couldn't go to David Lee Roth, but he could go to Alex Van Halen and just go, could you put a fucking shirt on? Just so I don't look like the chubby I'm looking. Everyone's got their shirt off in this van and I'm wearing a snowmobile outfit and I just look like the fat ass in between you two fucking Adonis's with your shirts off. Can we just get someone to put a fucking shirt on? So you know there's that game shirts and skins. When you play pick up hoop at the park. It's not skins playing skins, his shirts playing skins. Alex, put him. Here's a. I got you a hands. It's black, it's cool. As I was just watching this and you got. Michael Anthony's the nicest guy in the world. Super cool dude. But no one wants to have the 3% body fat dudes all sit all next to him, their fucking shirts all the way off, and you're just sitting there in your fucking jumpsuit trying to keep your gun tucked in.

[Dawson]

Yeah. The rest of the team is very athletic. And he does look like a soccer mom of some sort.

[Adam Carolla]

I just felt bad for him.

[Dawson]

It looks like performance enhancers here. Like, the cocaine was over on this side of the stage and this guy was eating performance enhancing hoagies.

[Adam Carolla]

Looks like John Crock.

[Dawson]

Looks like John Candy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, John Candy with the mullet. Well, the sad part about Michael Anthony is he's not a fat guy. He's just a fat guy for this band.

[Dawson]

Yeah, you're right. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, David Lee Roth. I mean, he has no waist. It's insane. We see his ribs from behind Eddie Van Halen's no percent body fat, and people sleep on Alex. Alex, he's come. Same genetics as Eddie. He's got no fat either.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You know, it's funny, if you asked which member of this band is most likely to create a signature hot sauce, it would be the guy who made the hot sauce.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, even his side project, chicken foot, has the word chicken in it. It's got a food in the back. That's great.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

The Matt Anthony hot sauce is actually a killer chicken marinade.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah? Is chicken foot his ban.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Stand by.

[Adam Carolla]

You gotta look up. And if it is, they gotta get the Flying Burrito Brothers to open for them. It's like a full culinary and hot tuna. Hot tuna. Everyone goes to that concert. Like, can you imagine concessions? Like, I'm fucking hungry, dude.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It was Michael Anthony, Joe Satriani and Chad Smith.

[Adam Carolla]

That was chicken foot. Yes. Yeah, well, see, namespace there is. If you took Alex Van Halen and Eddie Van Halen and David Lee Ross, body fat combined, you wouldn't get to double digits. Combined. Wouldn't get to Michael Anthony. Like one hip, one gun, one side. All right, that's another thing I was watching. But yeah, we should appreciate people have sort of retroactively really appreciated Eddie Van Halen. I Didn't mean. But there's a lot of like, oh, yeah, he wasn't. You know, people talk about Jimi Hendrix when I was younger, but now it's a lot of Eddie Van Halen. But there should be some David Lee Roth talk in there in terms of frontman, big inspiration. Jesus Christ. And those pants. Jesus Christ. All right, let's see, what else do I want to get? I talked about that. Oh, there's a clip I want to show you. It's a. I wasn't gonna use it for this, but it's a squirrel attacking a guy. Squirrel went nuts on somebody. And this is my argument for my attack. Crows, which is if a squirrel jumps on your head and goes nuts, you're 200 pounds. That squirrel's 14 ounces. But guess who's fucking winning that fight? You're not doing anything other than running and screaming and trying to get away. Yeah, that's all you do is try to get away.

[Dawson]

Small animals live, like on a different dimension. They're like so much faster than you that there's nothing you could do. Pretty much.

[Adam Carolla]

A squirrel jumped on this. Yeah, squirrel just ran across this thing. A guy's out on a porch. I think he's on his phone, which is good. That squirrel and the dog.

[Dawson]

Yeah. He didn't take this squirrel seriously until right at this moment, he jumped.

[Adam Carolla]

Jumped on his head. I'm saying he literally can't get the squirrel. The squirrel just fucking. All right, I'm sorry. There ain't no fighting with ice with a squirrel on your head. And there's no more fucking punching a cop's horse with a squirrel on your fucking head. Now the squirrel goes after the dog.

[Dawson]

Basset hound, listen to me.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't want this squirrel euthanized. I want a fucking. I want its DNA.

[Dawson]

Yeah, I want to know what it is. I want to sign him to a three year contract.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm saying, I'm saying this is my tat. Crow theory. Crow doing that and you run all you. It's a 225 pound guy. All he's doing is running and screaming and freaking out. The dog doesn't know what to do. That squirrel, 12 ounces of that squirrel fucked this guy's 230 pounds up.

[Dawson]

About ruined his day. Gotta go get a rabies check.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Then the fucking thing went after the basset hound.

[Dawson]

Yeah, it's pretty awesome.

[Adam Carolla]

The guy wants to kick the squirrel, but he's gonna kick the dog because he can't.

[Dawson]

Shoot the daggone thing.

[Adam Carolla]

She says he threw the squirrel off the porch and the squirrel comes. Came back to go after the dog.

[Dawson]

Yeah, yeah. The speed with which he makes it up to the top of this guy's head is unbelievable. And the head banging motion that he does to get free of it is great.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me tell you something. With my attack crows, they threw the crow off the porch and the crow came back.

[Dawson]

No, no, Squirrel, squirrel.

[Adam Carolla]

The squirrel to come back to attack the dog.

[Dawson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, now listen, here's what I'm saying. You can stop the video. We don't need a squirrel for every protester. We just need the promise of a squirrel for every protester. All. An outside chance that you're gonna get a squirrel dropped on your head will fuck up 50 people. They'll all leave. And that's where the attack crows come in.

[Dawson]

Yeah. I'm telling you, once they get this drone operation worked out, it's gonna be over with any kind of. I think that there'll be robots patrolling everywhere all the time and they will jump up on your head in a moment's notice.

[Adam Carolla]

They're gonna use my tack crows to go after drones just like they use hawks at the airport.

[Dawson]

Yeah, I see.

[Adam Carolla]

Because a hawk will fuck up a drone. Not gonna outfly a hawk.

[Dawson]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

And we just teach the hawk to fuck the drone up. That's what we're already doing. It's there. I'm telling you. We must unleash the birds. Use them.

[Dawson]

I agree.

[Adam Carolla]

The drone thing is the scariest part because you can take the president, you can put out there, put secret service guys, put guys on the roof of the building, put the glass partition in front of him. But the fucking drone just dropped a bomb on his head. The drone is what's gonna future. We need hawk. We need a hawk brigade to get rid of the drones. And we need to attack crows to get rid of the fucking unruly crowd.

[Dawson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And that'll work.

[Dawson]

Maybe bring out the pigeons at halftime, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Let them go at it. All right. You got news?

[Dawson]

I do.

[Adam Carolla]

We'll do that right after this. Caldera labs. Guys, let's be honest. We'd all like to look a little bit younger, maybe feel a little bit more confident when we look in the mirror. That's exactly what Caldera lab is here for. Their high performance skin care is designed specifically for men. Simple, effective, and backed by science. With products like the good and award winning serum to help protect your skin from environmental stressors. And the eye serum to help reduce the appearance of tired eyes, dark circles and puffiness because not it's not a flattering look. Fellas, you really can't go wrong with these products. They have cutting edge formulas, they're plastic neutral and they're certified cruelty free. So take care of your looks too as well, fellas, with Caldera Labs Right Dawson?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Whether you're starting fresh or upgrading your routine, Caldera Lab makes skincare simple and effective. Don't settle for drugstore junk or steal your partner's products. Elevate your routine with skincare made for you. Head to calderalab.com Adam and use code Adam at checkout or for 20% off your first order.

[Adam Carolla]

Homes.com Some might say homes.com is the best home shopping site. It may be homes.com's super comprehensive and transparent agent directory. Or Maybe it's that homes.com is the only site that always directly connects you with the listing agent who knows the home the best. Perhaps it's because homes.com has the most in depth neighborhood content of any home shopping site that's exclusively researched to highlight the personality of each neighborhood. Homes.com well, they go above and beyond to bring home shoppers the in depth info they need to find the right home. So if you're looking for a home or you like to do what I do, just scroll around and look at some really cool real estate. It's homes.com homes.com We've done your homework.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

VH Man's keeping busy. Why don't you join us for a live podcast in Irvine at the Irvine Improv on July 10th, and then four shows in Covina, California at the Laugh Factory Covina on July 11th and July 12th. Tickets for these and more shows are.

[Adam Carolla]

Available at AdamCarolla.com all right, you got news.

[Dawson]

I got some news. The UFC plans to host a fight card on the White House grounds, a spokesperson for the promotion confirmed NBC News on Friday. Further details were not available, but President Donald Trump said he would like it as a part of a celebration honoring America's 250th birthday on July 4, 2026.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know if everything is a troll, but I just think literally, it's kind of interesting. All right, let's just break this down.

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I sit around sometimes and I think to myself, does Gavin Newsom or Mayor of Los Angeles Karen Bass even exist? Or am I living in some dimension where these two were literally created just to piss me off? Like, literally? And I'll speak for Dawson here. Karen Bass and Gavin Newsom were like created in a lab to do shit to aggravate me. They do none of the stuff I want and everything I don't want and never talk about. We have a mayor of Los Angeles. Her city burned to the ground six months ago, and every tweet is about justice for illegals.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You're a builder. They're destroyers.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Right. So sometimes I sit around and I go, do they even exist or just a part of a sort of ongoing nightmare scenario? Well, I'll say this, Trump, if my mom was alive, all Trump is doing is every single thing that would piss off Chris Corolla. That's all it is. Every single thing he does would piss my mom off. And all it does is piss off every. It's like Trump is. Then every single thing he does pisses off Karen Bass and Gavin Newsom. So they got their avatar out there, too. So I don't even know if Trump wants the UFC on the lawn of the White House. He just sits around and goes, what would piss off if Adam's mom was still alive? What would fucking make her the maddest? And it's this. And I fucking love it.

[Dawson]

To elaborate, Truman show troll.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, I love it. And why the fuck not? I don't care.

[Dawson]

Well, Johnny Jones, knocking himself out of retirement 13 days after retiring. Yeah. He wants to fight at the White House. Conor McGregor, same thing. They're, like, coming up, starting the training camp right now to get really even. Andrew Tate said he'll fight.

[Adam Carolla]

Really? Who's he gonna fight?

[Dawson]

I don't know. He will get smashed, though.

[Adam Carolla]

He should fight. Oh, God. What's that wrestler's name who went to the UFC and didn't seem to have much luck?

[Dawson]

CM Punk. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Andrew Tate should fight CM Punk.

[Dawson]

I agree. I agree.

[Adam Carolla]

They're about the same. They'd be about the same. 185 or whatever.

[Dawson]

Yeah, I'll cut weight for that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you could cut weight. Yeah. CM Punk. And I don't know if Andrew Tate was ever any good or what he did.

[Dawson]

He was a decent kickboxer. Now he's, like, beating up the introductory class, guys. Looks like he'll have some sparring with dudes who don't know how to fight and beat the hell out of him.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I don't know. It's weird because Andrew Tate's name always gets brought up, but I really don't know anything about the guy.

[Dawson]

You know what I mean? It got real popular online and. And kind of spoke some dumbness to the kids out there who's really interesting.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So he's not Going to prison or anything. Right.

[Dawson]

I think somehow he got out of that. Yeah. I think he had a Romanian case above his head for a good long time. I don't know. It's still ongoing, I thought. But he's over here in America just living it up.

[Adam Carolla]

I gotta tell you. See, to me, Andrew Tate, there's a lot of these guys, they seem to be doing. There's a version that the left has of dudes and then there's dudes like Andrew Tate sort of reminds me, there's a lot of these dudes. There's a kind of grizzly bear version of this dude, but they're dudes who are like Pamela Anderson. Pam Anderson was a female. Female impersonator.

[Dawson]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And Drew would tell me and I was like, that's the only smart thing you've ever said, Drew. Where you go, She's a female who's essentially impersonating a female. Or she was. Now she's gone hard the other way. They always do. The fucking porn star finds religion and now she's not wearing makeup because she's going to make up for being a female. Female impersonator. But that's what she is.

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And then there are dudes like Andrew Tate, like a nine year old's version, like, what would I do? I'd get a Lamborghini and have some bitches and walk around with my shirt off.

[Dawson]

He took masculinity to a comic degree and then sold it to little boys. He exploited the fact that all the kids were at home with COVID and he got a bunch of onlyfans girls before that was a thing, and juiced them up, got money from them, kind of did the cyberpimp thing. Then he like sold a course on how to do exactly that to little boys and made a boatload of money. And now that he has all the money in the world, now, he has bought some type of legitimacy for himself.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So my thing is, I was always dude world, but I never was the trappings of dude world. You know, I was always. My whole life was pretty much. I don't know, I don't think you can get a lot dudier than my dude world. 0 to 30, it was pretty much football and BMX. It was just football wrestling when you were kidding. Yeah, yeah, just all football, bmx. And then later it was like construction boxing.

[Dawson]

The manliest shit is fighting building shit, you know what I mean?

[Adam Carolla]

A lot of car wrenching. But never, never, like, I'm going to get a new Lamborghini and put triple Chrome rims on it, because that's a dude version thing, but it's not really dude. A dude wants to race a car, wants to build an engine, wants to wrench on the car. You can't. You buy a new Lamborghini, you can't wrench on it. There's no wrenching going on.

[Dawson]

You got to take it to Arlo or something.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you got to go around Arlo. So I was always. That was my world, just tools and cars and building and boxing and shit. But I never felt like I gotta grow big grizzly beard and drive a big pickup truck. I never drove a big pickup truck. I drove mini trucks because they're just cheaper. You could work on them easily. They were fucking durable. They didn't break. They got good gas mileage. You know, I'd see the guys, like, pull up on the job site with the big fucking 36 inch mudder tires and a lift kit and a Ford F250 crew cab. It's like you're getting seven miles to the gallon. We're working in Chatsworth. Like, you live. You live out in Topanga or something like, man, that's got a. I can carry drywall in my Nissan pickup truck. But it never. I never looked the part. I just lived it. And then I started realizing I started seeing a lot of guys driving, like, big ram pickup trucks and growing big ass lumberjack beards and, like, walk around with tattoos and stuff. And I'm like, are you just Pam Anderson? Are you Pam Anderson's brother? Like, are you a male. Male impersonator? And I think a lot of that's going on.

[Dawson]

Yeah. No, I mean, look, it's been like the science fiction almost. Like, it's like twink sort of. Dudes can now steroid themselves up into giant monsters. So they're like alpha males, but they started out as not very manly at all.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, my other thing, too was like, you need to know how to box, but you don't need to look good with your shirt off. You just need to know how to box.

[Dawson]

Functional.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it was like functional stuff. So I was always very functional. But I think about as duty as. Think about as duty as you can get. Well, but it was all organic. I fucking loved cars. I love building.

[Dawson]

Well, how duty is it to have a UFC on the right trying to.

[Adam Carolla]

Piss off my mom. I'm trying to piss off the ghost of Chris. Carolla. Listen, I love the fact that Trump explores all options. So he's like, fuck it, let's do it. Let's do this. And then everyone goes, what? No. And then you go, eh, why not?

[Dawson]

More bang for your buck than a parade. You know what I mean?

[Adam Carolla]

I told you Jon Jones was coming out of retiree once again.

[Dawson]

You said it 100%. All right, well, next up, Elon Musk said he's forming a new political party after split with Trump over a tax cut law. Yeah. He's carrying out this threat to form the American party if this insane spending bill passes. And. Well, it did.

[Adam Carolla]

Listen, I've always talked to Dr. Drew about this. Drew just wants to pragmatic parties. Whatever fucking makes sense. Like, whatever works. Whatever makes sense. That's what we're doing. We're not gonna. We live in some sort of weird culture where it's all. It's all covered in the John Cusack movie 2012. Is that the name of the movie 2012? It may have been on after Ghost Rider. I don't know. Ghost Rider made Part two, by the way. I don't know if you even know that that came on 2012. Right. And certain movies are like indicators, bad indicators. Like where we are. Like Little Miss Sunshine was the beginning of the end of our society. I won't go into detail, but it's been all discussed before. But in 2012, all the rich people know the floods are coming and the Earth is ending. They know.

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And so they've all bought. They all ponied up, like, 20 million bucks to build three giant arks. Right.

[Dawson]

Okay. I never seen this film, just so you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you're depriving yourself of one of the great pleasures in life. All right, so then at some point, all the rich guys. Beepers start going off, and it's like, oh, man, we got to get to the Himalayas because that's where the arks are. And the flood's going to come.

[Dawson]

All right, maybe I have seen this.

[Adam Carolla]

You may have seen it. So then they all go up there, and all the rich guys who paid for the ark are going to get on the ark, because 10 years ago, they all ponied up 25 million bucks to build this ark, and now them and their fat kids want to get on the ark. But then there's a big stirring moment where, like, Kuzak and the other people are like, because all the poor people want to get on the ark, too. And they're like, and what about you? You're better because you're rich, and this guy's a garbage man or this guy's a janitor, and he doesn't deserve to live. And Whatever. And it's like, yeah, bitch, they didn't pay for the ark. Okay, first things first. There's no ark if the rich guys don't pony up. 20 million bucks each 10 years ago. 0ark. Ark's ain't cheap. They built the ark. So the ark exists because these guys paid for it, number one. Number two, not enough food and provisions and room on the ark for all the fucking poor people to get on the ark. So, yeah, bitch, some people aren't getting on the ark. And guess who is getting on the ark? The people paying for the ark. Sorry. And then we live in some sort of weird society, like, everyone deserves a place on the. Yeah, I know homeless people need to be treated with dignity, but they just od' ed on fentanyl. So what's the plan? I'm tired of all the fucking talk. I want to know what the fucking plan is. But if one person dies, that's one too many. Yeah, five people died. You give me that sanctimonious speech. Five people are so deed. Now what's the fucking plan? Because we ain't getting on the ark. A lot of dumb fucking poor people ain't getting on the ark. Now what's the plan? Yeah, so that's. We need a pragmatic plan for stuff.

[Dawson]

All right?

[Adam Carolla]

That's it.

[Dawson]

So wait, how does this relate to Elon Musk?

[Adam Carolla]

Elon wants. Elon's gonna make a bunch of decisions that piss off a lot of fucking people. But tough shit, not everyone gets on the ark.

[Dawson]

Okay?

[Adam Carolla]

That's it. You can't all. It's like they're gonna cut people off of Medicaid. Yeah, if you can work and you shouldn't be on Medicaid, then she fucking get a job. Because there's not enough room for everyone. That's what I'm saying.

[Dawson]

What do you think about him starting his own party?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna start a party called off the Ark. It's gonna be a cartoon of me shoving a poor person into the ocean. Oh, no. Kicking them, kicking them. Doing that chest, you know, sternum foot push.

[Dawson]

Sparta.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that move. Yeah. Listen, look, anyone. I will let Elon do whatever he wants because he's smarter than all these fucking people. And I don't know why you guys think having dumb yentas just make horrible decision. Do you really want Nithya Raman blaming Toyota for the. I would like there to not be catalytic converter stolen. Okay, let's come up with a plan. Blaming Toyota. Not the plan. Bitch. Off the ark. You don't do anything. You don't paddle, you don't build arcs. Yes, I will let Elon. I will let the most pragmatic smartest guy in the world. I don't know what everyone's fucking beef is. Who are you comparing him? Do you know how many dumbos are in Congress? Do you know how many fucking shrill dumb bitches are just fucking talking about nothing? You think they have a plan for anything? I haven't heard it. I don't know what their plan is. Get a fucking smart guy. Tune us up. Let's go.

[Dawson]

Yeah, but this feud with President Trump could be costly for him because his businesses rely on billions of dollars in government contracts and publicly traded company Tesla is taking a big hit in the market.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, more reason why we should believe him. When people do things that go against their own interests, that's look, Nancy Pelosi, every time she pulls up to a microphone just talks about the children. The children. I'm here for the children. This bill's gonna hurt you. Your fucking stock portfolio went up 54% last year. And you're a millionaire somehow. A multimillionaire. And you never pick a bad stock. But you get in front of microphone, you just talk about the children, the children, the children. At a certain point, I don't think she's as much into the children and she's into her fucking portfolio.

[Dawson]

Would you have more respect for her if she like was outright with that?

[Adam Carolla]

Like if it's somebody. Look, if somebody said, look, I like money, I like money. Guess what, News flash. I fucking like money. How's everyone a fucking millionaire when they make, you know, $186,000 a year? Why is everyone a millionaire? So they like money and yeah, I get information before you do. Yeah, until it's not. Until it's illegal. I'm doing it. I know, but they don't say that. They get up and they talk about the children.

[Dawson]

Is it not illegal? Cuz I had an argument cuz I thought it's not illegal. And then someone said, no, that has to be illegal. I'm like, nah, I'm pretty sure that if you're in Congress, you could trade on the information that you have.

[Adam Carolla]

Insider trading is illegal. Martha Stewart got busted for some cheap ass version of it. Should have never gone to prison or whatever she went to.

[Dawson]

Such a blurry line. Isn't it though?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, they have privy to information that you don't have privy to before it happens. And so it's easier for them to make trades and look, I'll Put it to you this way. There's a way to do it that's legal, where they still have more information than you have, and that's why their batting average is so high. With the stocks now, one could just say, get rid of it altogether. You're not allowed to buy or sell stocks.

[Dawson]

But who would say that? Because they're making the rules. They're not bringing that up at committee.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right. But it's the children. It's about the children.

[Dawson]

It's about the children.

[Adam Carolla]

It's about the children.

[Dawson]

All right, Jason Kelsey slam for his tone.

[Adam Carolla]

Beth, wait. Find Nancy Pelosi in her latest. The latest. When she's talking about the big, beautiful bill. She's talking about, she brings the children up again.

[Dawson]

Really?

[Adam Carolla]

It's always great.

[Dawson]

I haven't seen a clip of her in a while.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, she was speaking out against the big, beautiful bill, and she was explaining it was about the children. Anyway, sorry.

[Dawson]

All right. Well, Jason Kelsey was slammed for his tone death 4th of July post at their big, beautiful bill signing. A lot of people were just. He took to social media to celebrate and wrote, man, I love the fourth. One of the great days. We can all set aside our differences in this country and enjoy one thing we all share in common and that we are American. Cheers to you, oh, beautiful America. Which I thought was really precious.

[Adam Carolla]

That would piss my mom off, too. She wouldn't like that.

[Dawson]

Everybody got pissed off. People saying, set aside differences. One party wants to feed children, the other wants to feed brown people to alligators.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, listen, listen. The great. You know, I'll tell you, the beauty. The beauty of all these fucking people. I know these people because I grew up with these people. They go, I love this country. And that's why I wanted to do so much better, because I know what we could do. And the Trail of Tears and what we did to the Indian, it's like, okay, you don't like this fucking. You're basically saying, you go to me, adam, how do you like your electric Audi? Ask me.

[Dawson]

Yeah, how do you like your electric Audi?

[Adam Carolla]

I love. I'm very proud of it. I love it. I've owned it. And it's precious. I mean, you got to recharge it all the time because, you know, batteries are worth shit and speakers are a little tinny. You know, I love it, though. But interior, you know, leather feels like cardboard. Not bad. Not a lot of range.

[Dawson]

Sort of sounds. No, no, no, no.

[Adam Carolla]

I love my out. I'm proud of it. I'm proud. I'm proud of my Audi. I love my Audi. I just felt like they could have done so much better, you know what I mean? They could have done better, you know what I mean?

[Dawson]

But you do love it.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, Audi was one of the companies that made the ovens in World War II, you know, to put the juice in. But anyway, I'm very proud. I love my Audi. Range is like 10ft. Stereo sounds like shit. Cooling heating system is subpar. Did I talk about the whole World War II connection with Hitler?

[Dawson]

Yeah, I believe you said that.

[Adam Carolla]

It was a part of the audience. Well, Audi is auto union. That's why they have the rings. And union are part of the union was Volkswagen and Daimler and they all made the how it's are guns for World War II to shoot down allied forces airplanes. Anyway, I love, listen, I'm a big fan of my Audi.

[Dawson]

Yeah, yeah, proud. I could see that.

[Adam Carolla]

Proud Audi owner. It's just a piece of shit. And then at a certain point you go, do you like your Audi? Because it doesn't sound like you like. No, no, no, no, no. Love it, love it. But it could be so much better. Yeah, yeah. Nancy Pelosi's, she's worth 200 million bucks with her husband. I guess she got the kids here. She's worried about the kids.

[Nancy Pelosi]

This big beautiful bill. Well, if beauty is in the eye of the beholder, then you gop, you have a very blurred vision of what America is about. Is it beautiful to cut off food from seniors and children? Is it beautiful to cut off 17 million people from health care? Is it beautiful to. To do this, to give tax cuts to billionaires in our country? Is it beautiful, beautiful to take money from education and the rest, the list goes on and on. Dr. King, nearly 60 years ago said, of all the forms of inequality, injustice in health is the most shocking and the most inhuman because it often results in physical death. We come to this floor with a moral force of Dr. King's words in our heart. Let us not with this bill turn the American dream. He talked about in a nightmare for America's seniors, the disabled. Our children. Our children. Our children. Let us vote no on the shameful bill and throw a punch for the children.

[Adam Carolla]

The children. She has side by side refrigerators that are worth much more than most children's homes in this America. Her, the refrigeration. If you took Nancy Pelosi's home and you just did refrigeration, she got the two big sub zeros on both sides. She's got 14 foot linear foot of Fridge. She's got foot because from the incident.

[Dawson]

Where the guy hit his. Hit his wife. Her wife with a hammer.

[Adam Carolla]

No, this is. She got trolled because during COVID she was on like Colbert or I don't think it was Kimmel or whatever. I think it was like Colbert or maybe it was Jimmy Fallon or something. And she was like, I love chocolate ice cream. And I get special chocolate ice cream imported in. And I have one fridge just dedicated to chocolate ice cream and looking at the super expensive imported ice cream. And everyone else is told to stay home. Locked at home during COVID and can't work and fucking getting foreclosed on. And she's giving us a. She's got a walk in freezer at her house, you know. Oh, James Corden is what it was. Yeah. I want to.

[Dawson]

The old beef.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. But if you. Well, we'll just see it. Let's just see. Welcome back. We're here with House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. Does anyone miss James Corden from her home for a little late, late show and tell? Speak about. What have you found? What are you gonna. Those are two 48 inch sub zero freezers.

[Nancy Pelosi]

Chocolate.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Nancy Pelosi]

Chocolate. Chocolate candy.

[Adam Carolla]

She likes chocolate candy. This is a literally let them eat cake moment.

[Nancy Pelosi]

This is something you can get through the mail.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, run out.

[Dawson]

She looks like a bug wearing a human suit.

[Adam Carolla]

Cribs I never knew I needed.

[Dawson]

Oh, my.

[Adam Carolla]

She's got. Okay, I'll keep one after. She's literally got two $26,000 refrigerators. Two of them right next to each other. Now I'm combining those, but you know, I'm going mayhem. She's got refrigeration at other houses. Right. She has multiple homes. Then she'll have a pool house, an outdoor kitchen, a tennis court, something like that. You know, this bitch has one of those garage refrigerators too.

[Dawson]

Everybody has a Schwann's truck in her garage.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I bet if you took all of Nancy Pelosi's homes and all the just refrigeration and added up the price tag, you would be get to a higher price than the average cost of a home in America.

[Dawson]

Well, north of the mill.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I'm sure. So anyway, it's the children, everybody. Yeah, I'd vote for Elon for that. Yeah, yeah. She's doing a very. She's. Now wait. Keep playing it. She's walking us through her. I've got a connection with you. And now I understand why. Since you've been isolating in your house, how much of your regular diet do you think is ice cream and candy?

[Nancy Pelosi]

Well, as much as possible, I enjoy it. I like it better than anything else.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, hold on. This the bitch telling you you need to get vaccinated because Covid's gonna kill you, but she's saying stay in and load up on candy there, by the way, look, I don't mind. I'm not one of those tone deaf. Oh, that was tone deaf. But yeah, bitch, you locked everyone in their fucking house and now you're standing next to $70,000 worth of refrigerator telling everyone about imported ice cream. And people are fucking sitting home trying to make ends meet because their fucking job got shuttered by you. So kind of a weird. Kind of a weird one.

[Dawson]

Super weird place.

[Adam Carolla]

But don't worry, later on, went to the hairstylist. All right, here we go. Sorry.

[Nancy Pelosi]

The ice cream. Right. For Easter Sunday. Because we were, shall we say, enjoying. I don't know what I would have done if ice cream were not invented. I just wonder.

[Adam Carolla]

I agree. I don't know who I am without it. All right, would you like Elon Musk making policy or would you like the ice cream queen who's worried about the children? Oh, God. O'Reilly Auto Parts. Yeah, man. O'Reilly Auto Parts love these guys. They keep your car on the road. That's the business they're in. O'Reilly Auto Parts offers friendly, helpful service and the parts knowledge you need for all your maintenance and repairs. I was just at the O'Reilly up on Foothill in La Crescenta about a week ago, buying myself a battery blaster. Yeah, the battery went dead on the dually, but I hit it and I swung by O'Reilly and the people there know what they're talking about. It's not like you know now you go to all the big box stores, no one knows anything. O'reilly guys know what they're talking about. So whether you're a car aficionado or auto novice, you're going to find the employees at O'Reilly Auto Parts are knowledgeable, helpful, and best of all, friendly. Stop by O'Reilly Auto Parts today or visit us at O'ReillyAuto.com Adam that's O'ReillyAuto.com Adam.

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[Adam Carolla]

Yuck. All right, what Else you got?

[Dawson]

We also got a pediatrician fired for vile posts suggesting Texas flood victims were Trump supporters who got what they voted for.

[Adam Carolla]

There's always somebody who has a weird impulse to, like, jump on Twitter and say something after some kind of tragedy or whatever. Just ignore that impulse. Everybody just ignore that. If these children were black. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Just stop. Just stop it. You got dead people. Don't tweet about it. Yeah.

[Dawson]

The viral post said, may all visitors, children, non MAGA voters, and pets be safe and dry. Kerr County MAGA voted to gut female. They deny climate change. May they get what they voted for. Bless their hearts.

[Adam Carolla]

Did Gilbert Godfrey teach us nothing? Did he teach us nothing? I tried to teach you. I tried to tell you and you wouldn't listen. You can't tweet out jokes about Japanese tsunami victims while they're still floating in the water, Gilbert. And keep your corporate dig. You can't. This is from Christina, who's a pediatrician.

[Dawson]

Yeah. Christina B. Propst. Dr. Christina B. Props.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. May the visitors. Wait, let me read it. The visitor of children, non MAGA voters and whatever, be safe. The rest. Yeah, I know. I love the climate change people. Bitch. Go walk down PCH. The ocean will never get to PCH and it's 60ft away. It's been. Well, now you can see all the houses are gone. The ocean, when the tide is high, is 28ft from PCH, and PCH is elevated 26 inches. And it'll never get there. It's been. They've been building those houses since the 50s. It's never. If the. If the oceans were rising, then there'd be water on pch, but there never is. And no one ever. No one ever does. The fucking Al Gore. Never fucking. They all. All the climate. You know who's a huge climate guy? I'll tell you. Leonardo DiCaprio.

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Cast you out of house right on the ocean. Burned down. Guess who's fucking house burned down right on the ocean? Leonardo DiCaprio. If you're fucking worried about. If you're worried about it, then you wouldn't buy a house on the ocean. They don't believe it. That. That's my whole point or something. There's something wrong with them. They don't believe it.

[Dawson]

Yeah. I don't know. I think it's just that everyone gets whipped up into a fur about it.

[Adam Carolla]

I told you, women are much angrier than men, right?

[Dawson]

Yeah. Yeah, I believe you said that.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. Yeah. They're angrier than men.

[Dawson]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

They're more violent, they're angrier. We used to have corsets and smelling salts and a shot of brandy and all that. It worked. Now we're just like, hey, bitches, you're off the leash. Run wild. And they are. And this is what you get.

[Dawson]

Yep, yep. It was better when they would catch the vapors.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. Yeah.

[Dawson]

Yeah. Now it's run amok.

[Adam Carolla]

I forgot James Corden. I scrubbed him from my memory.

[Dawson]

Yeah, me too. I probably wasn't that guy that sing in the car karaoke. I don't even know who that is anymore.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, once again, showing everyone that no one needs anybody. There are people like, oh, yeah, that guy was on TV every fucking night. And now he's been off TV for 26 months. And I'm like, who's that guy? I don't remember him. Yeah, yeah. Sad, right?

[Dawson]

Follow him on Instagram.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Oh, he stole carpool karaoke from Dave Chappelle. Did you say my buddy Daniel Kellison came up with karaoke years and years ago wearing at the man show? Yeah, I was gonna say, basically, you should be able to sing karaoke in your car. I mean, it wasn't a bit. He just said it, you know, I mean, it was his invention. Chappelle's show did it way before him. Oh, okay. Well, see? Genius. All right, do you have one more?

[Dawson]

Yeah, I got one more about Lena Dunham. She says, I understand how lack of diversity on girls was really disappointing.

[Adam Carolla]

Very disappointing. Always traumatized.

[Dawson]

Yeah, somehow, I don't know, I guess they just guilt everybody into saying that they want better things that revise the past. I don't know, man.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I mean, look, here's the thing. If you're doing a Cialis commercial, then you get a convertible Mustang, you put a black guy, white guy, Asian guy, Hispanic guy, and they're all in their 60s. Play some def Leppard. Play some Def Leppard. And that's your Cialis commercial. But the reality is groups sort of hang out and they're usually in the same group as the group they hang out in. And when you try to do a TV show that lives in some reality and you try to do the. Well, it's got the black friend and then you got the Asian friend, and then you got the white friend and then you have the Hispanic friend. And it's like that doesn't really represent reality. And we're trying to live in a reality based thing. When you're doing the Coke commercial, you got the Indian chick giving the black kid who's hanging out with the Asian kid all at the fucking park. That's a Coke commercial. But that's when trying to do sort of slice of life stuff, it just doesn't really play true. But I mean, it's like the Cosby show was 20 years before that. It was a black family and they had black friends and their daughter dated a black guy. That's kind of how the the in laws were black. You know, it's like that's kind of what it was. I'm not bothered by that. Crazy rich Asians had a bunch of Asians in it. Who they are, that's what they do. That's their culture. Like, it's not that. You know, the one of everything diversity thing is usually distracting because you're like, what's the fucking Asian guy hanging out with those schwartzers for? Like, they wouldn't do that. So all right, that's it. Number one, the retroactive part is stupid. At least if you created the show, you can weigh in on it. The worst is when other actors weigh in on friends who weren't on friends. Like, oh, it was highly problematic. Oh, shut the fuck up, bitch. Just cause you auditioned once and they didn't fucking cast you as Phoebe's boyfriend. Shut up. And all the fucking armchair quarterbacking and Monday morning quarterbacking going on of like, you wouldn't have done shit. You would have taken the role. You wouldn't have said anything. No one cared. That's the way we used to roll. That's number one. Number two, Lena Dunham is like on my Mount Rushmore of I just sat around, I would sit around and go, not funny. She's not funny. We're not going to hear anything from her ten years from now. She's the toast of the town. Everyone loves her. She's so bold, she's so authentic, whatever. And I just kept telling her, not funny, not going to be around. Like there's certain bands I did that with, certain comedians I did that with. I'm like, does not have the goods. Not going to be around. Not funny. Because she came up with a movie, she wrote a movie called Tiny Furniture. And it was like, oh, it was the toast of Sundance. And I watched 20 minutes. I was like, not fucking good. Not good at all. Oh, she's a Nepo baby. Well, that makes sense because when you're making shitty independent films, when you're like 21, that means you got some money or something. So I was like, not a good movie. Oh, she wrote, she starred in, she directed. When you write Starring and direct. It's not that good.

[Dawson]

So she did all this off being Jeff Dunham's daughter?

[Adam Carolla]

Jeff Dunham's daughter, yeah. She was an inspiration for Muhammad the Poppet. That's funny.

[Dawson]

I thought that she was more of a peanut.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, she may have been peanut. I don't know what her deal is. I just know she's more angry than she is funny. And then later on, they get angrier and then less funny, and then that's it. We'll never hear from her again. She's done. I mean, I don't mind.

[Dawson]

She won a Golden Globe.

[Adam Carolla]

Listen to me. We live in a world where, like, okay, Tim Allen. How many viewers have Tim Allen's shows generated versus Lena Dunham? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, Tim Allen would do 19 million on a Wednesday night, and then Lena Dunham would do 300,000, right? But the award always goes to Lena Dunham because they fucking love that shit. Because they're a bunch of fucking wankers. And that's all they do. Created her. They created her, right? And then they. She becomes some toast. And it's just dumb hipsters. It's just Silver Lake programming. You know, they just. We love this. Oh, isn't she great? Oh, but by the way, I. I never. I don't get in a Sundance because they don't want the dude in there. They don't want the knuckle dragger in there. So then it becomes Lena Dumb. And I sit around and go, not funny. And then at some point, reality always catches up. It always catches up.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I never watched the show Girls, but I did see a promotional clip from it that kind of encapsulated Lena Dunham in itself. It's a scene with her talking to her parents, and she's explaining to her parents how she is the voice of her generation, right?

[Adam Carolla]

And by the way, just being put upon and filled with angst all the time is not funny. I want some funny shit. So anyway, I don't know. I don't know Lena Dunham. I just always knew she didn't have the goods. Like, you know, you see Sacha Baron Cohen or something, you know, Seth MacFarlane, you go, okay, that guy's funny. Okay? That guy's got. That guy's gonna create and do shit for the rest of her life. This is being foisted upon us in the name of Hypnos. We're being told we have to like her because she's courageous. Because she's fat and she takes her shirt off and that's courageous. And it may Be the toward the end of the fucking. Why everyone hates Hollywood. And by the way, they've all changed their ways. Hollywood wants to fucking make money now. Not judge. Not like they used to. So that's it for her. There is no coming back. Because you would have to assume she would need to be funny or talented to come back. And there's no coming back because there's nothing to come back too. So that's that. But anyway, it's problematic that there weren't more black folks in that show. I didn't watch it because it wasn't funny. It wasn't because of the lack of diversity.

[Dawson]

Never heard of it.

[Adam Carolla]

Never heard of it. Nope. Good for you.

[Dawson]

I know.

[Adam Carolla]

You dodged a bullet, my friend. Wow, man, that's important. Did you ever see Little Miss Sunshine?

[Dawson]

I did. I know.

[Adam Carolla]

You're on such a roll.

[Dawson]

I became friends with that actress who played the little girl.

[Adam Carolla]

She looks vastly different now. Huh?

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

How'd you become friends with her?

[Dawson]

Through the grapevine. You know, it's Hollywood.

[Adam Carolla]

Lena's. Well, you gotta get the word. Lean out of there now.

[Dawson]

I have no idea who Lena and Dunham is. They handed me this story on the way in.

[Adam Carolla]

I thought, chubba Dunham. Well, it's just ironic, you know, like Peter Dinklage. That's a good name for that guy. But Lena. No, we're not talking about Van Halen videos.

[Dawson]

That's, like, ironic when you call the fat guy slim.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Stretch. Yeah. Well, anyway, that'll be it for her, right? There'll be some stuff. She'll be Abigail Breslin. There'll be her chiming in on certain things from now and again and doing some shit, but that'll be. There'll be some sort of proclamation about her sexuality at some point that no one cares about 10 years from now. But something that'll be.

[Dawson]

That. That's a strange life to live then, if that's where you're going. Or, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, if she just got money and her family's got money, then, you know.

[Dawson]

Yeah. No, yeah. I think she's fine. Rubbing blowing her nose with hundies.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And I. Listen, I don't. It's not really her. I don't have a beef with her. I have a beef with the system that anoints people who don't need to be anointed. It can be merit based. You know what I mean?

[Dawson]

Isn't the whole Hollywood system built on, like, giving each other trophies and telling each other how good you are because you're a theater? Kid that grew up.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I don't. The problem with the anointing of the Lena Dunhams is for every person you anoint, you have to not invite somebody else who maybe should be there.

[Dawson]

But that's kind of the point. It's one big in group.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's one big innie. And it's now turned into an Audi because I think people are like, by the way, I love my Audi. It just could do so much better. Anyway, yeah, the whole system is kind of falling apart. YouTube's going to be the biggest network. That's where we're at. All right, Irvine going to be doing live show up there with Jay Moore. Then Covina. That's Thursday. And then Friday, Saturday, two shows. Covina, Laugh Factory, that's Stand Up Zany's, Rosemont, Illinois. That thing may sell out. July 16th. Got there. And then Plymouth, Wisconsin, Road America doing a race there. Go to amcroll.com for all the live stuff. What do you got? Mayhem.

[Dawson]

Oh, yeah. Follow me.

[Adam Carolla]

Aahemmiller all right, so till next time, Adam Kroll from Mayhem Miller saying mahalo. Pick up your phone and leave us.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

A voice, us mail at 888-634-1744 and get your tickets to see Adam Corolla.

[Adam Carolla]

At AdamCorola.com.

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