Adam Carolla & Jay Mohr LIVE In Irvine with Dustin Ybarra

Summary

Adam Carolla Show – Episode Summary: "Adam Carolla & Jay Mohr LIVE In Irvine with Dustin Ybarra"

Release Date: July 21, 2025

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Introduction

In this lively and unfiltered episode of The Adam Carolla Show, recorded live at the Irvine Improv—the very venue where Adam and his team launched their first live podcast nearly 16 years ago—hosts Adam Carolla and Jay Moore are joined by comedian Dustin Ybarra. The trio delivers an evening packed with sharp humor, candid discussions, and engaging interactions, drawing on their extensive experience in comedy and entertainment.

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Main Discussion Points

Prostate Exams and Personal Anecdotes [04:15 - 06:27]

The episode kicks off with Adam and Jay delving into a humorous yet candid conversation about prostate exams. Jay shares his recent experience:

Jay Moore [04:17]: "It's my third. Well, yeah. Prostate exam is 90%, but it's 10%."

Adam humorously expands on the discomfort associated with the procedure:

Adam Carolla [04:51]: "I'll say this about the finger in the ass in general. Not my thing sexually, but ladies, I appreciate the ask. Like, that means something to me. It's symbolic."

This segment sets the tone for the evening, blending personal stories with Adam's signature humor.

Impressions and 'Bill Burr' Sketch [06:59 - 09:35]

Adam introduces a segment where Jay performs an impression of comedian Bill Burr, capturing his dismissive and sarcastic style. They humorously critique historical and cultural milestones:

Jay Moore [07:19]: "Like I give a shit. Chuck Yeager. Fuck him, you know?"

Their banter continues as they mock the significance of events like Chuck Yeager breaking the sound barrier and the movie Gone with the Wind, adding layers of satire and jest.

The Bandana Meaning Game [07:00 - 16:35]

One of the standout segments is the "Bandana Meaning Game," where Adam and Jay humorously decode the supposed meanings behind different colored bandanas, referencing the 1980 movie Cruising starring Al Pacino. They playfully assign absurd and risqué interpretations to each color:

Adam Carolla [13:02]: "Both pockets means we hold you upside down and give you a swirly. And a toilet that means you like to be held in the men's room."

Jay continues to escalate the humor with outrageous claims about sexual innuendos associated with each bandana color, crafting a ridiculous yet entertaining mythos around the accessory.

'Blah, Blah, Blah' Game [25:00 - 43:00]

Dustin Ybarra introduces the "Blah, Blah, Blah" game, a comedic segment where the hosts match celebrities to their supposed "retarded online rants." The lighthearted competition unravels with creative and witty responses:

Dustin Ybarra [25:02]: "The blog belongs to Lena Dunham."

Jay Moore [25:44]: "He looks like he loves it too."

The game serves as a platform for the hosts to showcase their improvisational skills and comedic timing, keeping the audience engaged and entertained.

Comedic Storytelling: Proposal and Dildo Factory [56:00 - 63:00]

Adam shares an elaborate and humorous anecdote about metal detecting and a misplaced engagement ring involving a dildo factory:

Adam Carolla [58:04]: "So I go, I don't know what the fuck to do with this thing. I'm not throwing it away."

Jay humorously adds to the narrative with absurd details:

Jay Moore [59:14]: "So you put it in your ass. Because anything fits in your ass if you're sad enough, right, ladies?"

The exaggerated storytelling highlights the trio's ability to turn mundane situations into laugh-out-loud moments.

Political Satire: Vice Presidential Selection [68:39 - 76:07]

The conversation shifts to a satirical take on political maneuvers, specifically critiquing Vice President Kamala Harris's selection of Minnesota Governor Tim Walz as her running mate:

Adam Carolla [74:00]: "Tim Wall seems fucking nuts to me. Seems horribly unqualified."

The hosts mock the decision-making process, drawing parallels to flawed selections in sports teams, and lampoon public figures with sharp wit:

Jay Moore [73:02]: "He's like. But he was bald. But he was like."

This segment blends humor with political commentary, offering a comedic critique of contemporary politics.

Celebrity Jokes and Pop Culture References [77:35 - 82:34]

Throughout the episode, Adam, Jay, and Dustin continuously reference and poke fun at various celebrities and pop culture icons, including Katy Perry, Taylor Swift, Gayle King, and Ron Jeremy. Their jokes range from playful insults to exaggerated scenarios, maintaining a high-energy atmosphere:

Adam Carolla [78:40]: "Bill Nye doesn't need a bow tie. He is a bow tie."

Jay Moore [79:08]: "I would have loved it if Orlando had gotten his wish and the rocket blew up."

These references underscore the hosts' deep familiarity with the entertainment industry and their knack for turning current events into comedic gold.

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Notable Quotes

• Adam Carolla [04:29]: "It's more symbolic than it is pleasurable."

• Jay Moore [07:24]: "Well, I mean, some fucking rich white guy in a rocket. Like I care, you know?"

• Adam Carolla [13:02]: "Both pockets means we hold you upside down and give you a swirly."

• Dustin Ybarra [25:02]: "The blog belongs to Lena Dunham."

• Adam Carolla [74:00]: "Tim Wall seems fucking nuts to me. Seems horribly unqualified."

• Jay Moore [57:35]: "I'm going with Bill de Blasio."

• Adam Carolla [65:17]: "I was thinking, if Orlando had gotten his wish and the rocket blew up."

These quotes capture the essence of the hosts' humor—bold, irreverent, and unapologetically candid.

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Conclusion

This episode of The Adam Carolla Show exemplifies the dynamic interplay between Adam Carolla, Jay Moore, and Dustin Ybarra. Their ability to effortlessly transition between personal anecdotes, political satire, and pop culture humor creates a captivating and entertaining experience for listeners. The live setting at Irvine Improv adds an extra layer of energy, making this episode a memorable installment for fans and newcomers alike.

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Disclaimer: The humor in this episode is intentionally provocative and satirical, reflecting the hosts' comedic styles. Listener discretion is advised.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

This live podcast coming up from Irvine, the Irvine Improv where we started doing live podcasts almost 16 years ago. Jay Moore's up on stage bringing the heat. Dustin Ybarra's on there, funny as hell. And it's a lot of laughs in this live episode of acs. Hey, this is Adam Carolla from the Adam Carolla Show. Betonline continues to be your number one source for all your sports betting action. Baseball's in full swing, football is right around the corner. And Betonline's got you covered with the latest odds, breaking news and live scores. Betonline even has live in game betting. While the games are being played real time. From MLB to UFC to tennis to NFL Futures, Betonline, that's the place to play. And between games, hit up the Betonline Casino. Packed with top Vegas style games, poker and live casino, Betonline has it all. Sign up now and score big with VIP rewards, level up bonuses and weekly cash bonuses. Betonline, the game starts here.

[Dawson]

This summer, Pluto TV is exploding with thousands of free movies. Summer of cinema is here. Feel the explosive action all summer long with movies like Gladiator, Mission Impossible, Beverly Hills Cop, Good Burger and Transformers. Dark of the Moon. Bring the action with you and stream for free from all your favorite devices. Pluto tv stream now. Pay never.

[Adam Carolla]

I'mma put you on, nephew. All right, unc. Welcome to McDonald's. Can I take your order, miss? I've been hitting up McDonald's for years. Now it's back. We need snack wraps.

[Jay Moore]

What's a snack Snack rap.

[Adam Carolla]

It's the return of something great. Snack wrap is back. This show is brought to you by Simply Safe.

[Dustin Ybarra]

Live from the Improv in Irvine, California. This is the Adam Corolla Show. Adam's guest today, Jay Moore. Plus the news and a spirited round of blah, blah, blah. And now with a pocket full of jokes and a back pocket full of bandanas, Adam Corolla.

[Adam Carolla]

Thanks, Irvine. I appreciate it. Yeah, I was standing backstage. Thank you guys for selling this place out on weekday. Thank you so much. I was thinking about backstage, the first live improv and the first live podcast that I ever did, that we ever did was here almost 16 years ago. I know a live. We did a live podcast 16 years ago. This is the first place we did it. So thanks for hanging in all those. All those years. All right, should we bring Jay Moore out here on stage? One of the funniest guys I've ever had the pleasure of working with and does a great impression. So we have some stuff worked out to do tonight. I, you know, from. Well, SNL and every TV show and every other movie. Jay, you back there? Jay Moore, everybody. Put your hands together for Jay Moore.

[Unknown]

Buddy.

[Adam Carolla]

Great. See you, buddy.

[Jay Moore]

Yeah. Hi, pal.

[Adam Carolla]

Thanks for coming out. You can sit down.

[Jay Moore]

Talking about butt related stuff. That's, that's my wheelhouse.

[Adam Carolla]

Butt related.

[Jay Moore]

Got my prostate exam this week.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you did this week?

[Jay Moore]

This week.

[Adam Carolla]

How, how, what number is this? Your first one?

[Jay Moore]

It's my third. Well, yeah. Prostate exam is 90%, but it's 10%.

[Adam Carolla]

Ooh. Yeah. Mm.

[Jay Moore]

Cuz the doctor puts his finger in your butt and your whole brain goes, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. But way in the back of your mind, you can barely hear it, but it's there. Get down on it. Get down on it. Put your hands on my shoulders. You're a doctor.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, I'll say this about the prostate exam or the finger? No, I might get too speedy up here, but I will say this about the finger in the ass in general.

[Jay Moore]

I'm listening.

[Adam Carolla]

Not my thing sexually, but ladies, I appreciate the ask. Like, that means something to me. It's symbolic. You know what I mean? Like, you know, like every once in a while, you know, you got a good kid working for you. When you go, go out to my truck and grab my level and he jogs.

[Jay Moore]

I thought you're gonna say, and the kid goes, do you want me to.

[Adam Carolla]

Put my finger in your ass?

[Jay Moore]

I was like, what?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm just saying it's, it's more symbolic than it is pleasurable. But I like where your head's falling. Oh, pleasurable lady.

[Unknown]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You like it?

[Jay Moore]

I like on, not necessarily in.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Jay Moore]

Like if you just tap my little rosebud.

[Adam Carolla]

Uh huh.

[Jay Moore]

But you're, it's like, it's like a panic button.

[Adam Carolla]

I, you're not as hairy as I am.

[Jay Moore]

How do you know that?

[Adam Carolla]

I, I, I, you know, I'm not.

[Jay Moore]

Upset I've got a hairy chest, but I have a baby's ass.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. See, my ass is basically Picture Santa's mouth. It's everything around it, you know, not the actual mouth. You know, he can still. He'll eat the cookies is what I'm saying. But it's just around.

[Jay Moore]

I'm still trying to do this in my head.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, there's a lot of hair around and the mouth, but the mouth can still. You still leave the cookies out. That's all I'm saying. Sorry, I didn't want any votes.

[Jay Moore]

No, that's what I thought it was at first. And then.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, so I wrote some stuff down here because. Well, we do. We do a podcast together called Beat It Out. And. And. And Jay does a Bill Burr that makes me howl. And he's. He's tapped into the essence of Bill Burr. And I think. I think you'll. You'll recognize it when you hear it, but it's basically taking almost anything and dismissing it verbally.

[Jay Moore]

Yeah, we all know Bill Burr, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Come in, Bill Burr. All right, so I wrote down a couple of monumental things, and I thought maybe you could Bill Burrities it for us. Chuck Yeager breaking the sound barrier.

[Jay Moore]

Yeah. Yeah. So what?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that's pretty monumental, is it?

[Jay Moore]

Like I give a shit.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Jay Moore]

Well, I mean, some fucking rich white guy in a rocket. Like I care, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

But, Bill, I mean, you got it back then. 40s technology, breaking the sound barrier.

[Jay Moore]

That's great. 40s. You know, there was some. Don't be broad at home.

[Adam Carolla]

When are you going out on your rocket? All the time.

[Jay Moore]

Stupid broad. Like I care. Like I give a shit. Chuck Yeager. Fuck him, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, well, how about. How about the movie Gone with the Wind? I mean, that's a classic.

[Jay Moore]

Yeah, the best part is when everything burnt down.

[Adam Carolla]

No, Bill, come on. For its time, it was monumental.

[Jay Moore]

What time was that? Four years after slavery.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, no, but why do you have to bring slavery into everybody?

[Jay Moore]

Cause who cares? Gone with the Wind, all those ladies with those stupid dresses. Frankly, Scarlett, I don't give a damn. Billy. Hope that guy gets cancer and diesel like I him.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, Bill, I mean, it's a cinematic triumph.

[Jay Moore]

Is. It is.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it is. It is. You. You can't just say is it to everything.

[Jay Moore]

I think we're enjoying this way more than the audience. This might be a little inside baseball.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, I'll try one more. I'll try one more.

[Jay Moore]

What are you trying to sell me next, blow jobs? You know, like I give a. Looking up at me with those dopey.

[Adam Carolla]

Eyes, you know, the Golden Bill, the Golden Gate Bridge. Surely, surely have to marvel at the engineering triumph that is the Golden Gate Bridge.

[Jay Moore]

Yeah. Do I really? Stupid bridge. 50,000ft long, you painted orange. Like I give a bunch of gay guys up there with rainbow rollers, like, to see that fucking thing fall into the Chesapeake Bay.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it doesn't span the Chesapeake Bay.

[Jay Moore]

You sure about that? You know, like, I go, yeah, no.

[Adam Carolla]

It goes, stupid bridge.

[Jay Moore]

This is really where we're at. I'm sitting here talking about fucking bridges.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, it goes from Tiburon to San Francisco, it's a span.

[Jay Moore]

It goes from point A to point B. Really? It's fucking great. Like I give a shit.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. I feel like the crowd.

[Jay Moore]

I'm locked in. Oh, five people out of 400.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, what they want, what this crowd wants, is gay Al Pacino. Oh, that's what they want. Now, listen, the way we stumbled onto this is.

[Jay Moore]

Do you guys go back to talking about your ass?

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on, K. Al Pacino.

[Jay Moore]

Santa's mouth.

[Adam Carolla]

Ho, ho, ho. Gay Alpacino was in a movie called cruising from 1980, which is absolutely insane. A lot of you don't even know this movie. It was Al Pacino when he was still. He was Al Pacino. It was after Dog Day Afternoon and everything. And he did a movie where he was a cop and he went undercover to be a gay guy to go infiltrate the New York gay scene in nightclubs and then essentially became gay. Yeah, that's according to me.

[Jay Moore]

And I think it was the original Al Pacino voice. It was very high up here like this. There's two different Al Pacinos. Adam. The first one sounds like Tyne Daly from Cagney and Lacey.

[Adam Carolla]

All right?

[Jay Moore]

We're Vietnam veterans. Killing don't mean nothing to us. And then right around the movie Heat, somebody puts sand in his pockets. He gains 400 fucking pounds and he can hardly open his eyes. Hoorah. Now they know who it is.

[Adam Carolla]

So I have queued up a clip of this movie. This movie, Cruising. Lest you think I was exaggerating from 1980. Al Pacino, where he goes into a Bottega, I guess, to buy bandanas, and talks to Powers Booth. Yes, the pilot from. Oh, God.

[Jay Moore]

Jaws.

[Adam Carolla]

Jaws. No, that's a Skipper. No, he was. No, she has Red Dawn. Red Dawn. Sorry. The pilot from Red Dawn. Powers Booth, the pilot from Red dawn who got shot down. This is him working at this bodega and explaining to our character what the bandana system is. The gays have a system, a bandana based system which is, you know, white in the left pocket, yellow in the right pocket.

[Jay Moore]

Are there any gays here tonight? I forgot. It's your crowd. My crowd? They'd be on roller skates.

[Adam Carolla]

To be fair to my crowd, we probably have some gays here tonight. They're just scared that the rest of my crowd would beat the shit out of them if they came out of the closet with their cast. Pow.

[Jay Moore]

Excuse me, could I ask you about these?

[Adam Carolla]

What about them?

[Jay Moore]

What are they for? Well, light blue, Hank, in your left.

[Adam Carolla]

Back pocket means you want a blow job. Right pocket means you give one.

[Jay Moore]

The green one. Left side says you're a hustler.

[Adam Carolla]

Right side, you're a buyer. Yellow one, left side means you give.

[Jay Moore]

Gold in the shower.

[Adam Carolla]

Right side, you receive the red one. Please.

[Jay Moore]

Thank you. See anything you want? I'm going to go home and think about it. Sure you'll make the right choice?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm now picturing a young Powers Booth getting his first break in a big movie with Al Pacino. And he's, like, in his New York apartment running lines with his roommate, you know, and he's like, white. White bandana means golden showers.

[Jay Moore]

No, no, no. Yellow. Yellow. Read it wrong.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's take it again. Thanks for helping me out, Stuart.

[Jay Moore]

Hey, what do I. What do all these mean? What do all. What do all these mean? These. What. What. What do they mean?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, white means you're a hustler. In the right pocket.

[Jay Moore]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And then in the left pocket means your buyer. Yeah. And then rolled up and shoved up your urethra means you're a dripper.

[Jay Moore]

Oh, no kidding? No kidding. Wow, that's something else. Yeah. How about the. What am I. What about red front, right pocket? What does that mean?

[Adam Carolla]

Which one? Front right.

[Jay Moore]

Front right.

[Adam Carolla]

Red, front right. That's for the ladies. It means you're on your period.

[Jay Moore]

Oh. Oh, I don't want that one, man.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we don't sell a lot of those.

[Jay Moore]

All right, what about blue, front left?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Well, no, that's the Israeli flag. That shouldn't be up there, Ma. Jewish. He puts it up there. You know what? Let me move that one, cuz I'm not circumstant. It's very disrespectful.

[Jay Moore]

I'm not circumcised. I just got to go. Old Pacino. You guys will understand. I'm doing old Pacino instead. What about yellow, both pockets? What about that?

[Adam Carolla]

Both pockets. Right pocket means you like getting the golden shower. Left pocket means you like giving the golden shower. Both pockets means we hold you upside down and give you a swirly. And a toilet that means you like to be held in the men's room. What we call swirly in gay parlance.

[Jay Moore]

Capricorns, huh?

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

All right. So is there any kind of deal I could get if I buy them in bulk?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I'll give me a break on the ones with a hole in them.

[Jay Moore]

Speaking of bulk.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I'm feeling that you're pitching a tent in your pants. Justice. God created me. That's awesome.

[Jay Moore]

Didn't I see you in red Dawn.

[Adam Carolla]

I was in red Dawn. I was also in a publication called Cult Roundup.

[Jay Moore]

Cult Roundup. Oh, I'm familiar.

[Adam Carolla]

It was a magazine.

[Jay Moore]

Speaking of red, would you like to see my Wolverine?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Jay Moore]

Yeah, I got a Wolverine in my pants.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

Hoorah.

[Adam Carolla]

Hoorah.

[Jay Moore]

What if my Wolverine comes out and he's got a red bandana wrapped around his little Wolverine dick?

[Adam Carolla]

Geez, you know what? I'd have to check the guide for that. Check the manual. I haven't remembered every single.

[Jay Moore]

Check the manual. Get back, I'll be waiting here waiting for my fucking swirly.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, the orange one means you want a blowjob from Carrot Top.

[Jay Moore]

Yeah, been there, done that, done that.

[Adam Carolla]

You have you now. Did not. Did not know that.

[Jay Moore]

Which bandana is consensual sex with down syndrome Twins? Cuz I like to party.

[Adam Carolla]

That one's on back order.

[Jay Moore]

Back order?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we move a lot of that. It's paisley, if you need to know, but, oh, it's on backorder. We move on. A lot of consensual sex with down syndrome.

[Jay Moore]

Truth says a lot about prunes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Paisley Park. Hit Old park for a lot of twins. Yeah. Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

What are you doing?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Prince, he'd make a hell of a bottom man.

[Jay Moore]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Jay Moore]

Did I ever tell you the time when we were making Purple Rain? Darling Nikki was really darling Al.

[Adam Carolla]

Mmm.

[Jay Moore]

I was in a hotel lobby masturbating to a magazine.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Jay Moore]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

It's not all about bandanas. Here. We got handcuffs. We got Amelp poppers. Water soluble pop.

[Jay Moore]

Is that new kind of car?

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, no, it's Huo. Yeah, it's a little thing you break under your nose right at climax. And it's sort of heightens the whole experience.

[Jay Moore]

Heightens a climax.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, heightens the.

[Jay Moore]

I didn't know that was possible. When I come, it's like cars crashing.

[Adam Carolla]

Noted.

[Jay Moore]

Yeah, you're going to find out, vendor man.

[Adam Carolla]

Listen, my parents owned this shop back.

[Jay Moore]

Yeah, I love to meet them.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, my home was Tracy Warrior. My grandfather Giuseppe came here with nothing but a dream and some Benoit balls. Well, yeah.

[Jay Moore]

Is that when you put them in your lover's anus and start her like a lawn mower?

[Adam Carolla]

You don't have to love them. Oh, and sometimes it's an outboard motor. Yeah. But. Yeah. Yeah, that's how you do it.

[Jay Moore]

You don't want to get chocolate chips on your sheets.

[Adam Carolla]

You gotta. Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

Tracy Morgan comes in, the little bell on the door. Ding, ding, ding. Yeah, I'm gonna take all Your bandanas. You look just like Al Pacino. How are you? Chocolate drop?

[Adam Carolla]

Tracy. I like when Tracy. You did? You were at the Knicks game, and I think you got sick.

[Jay Moore]

I threw up on the floor? Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you have too many nachos?

[Jay Moore]

No. Them Madison Square Garden hot dogs, they got veins in them.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, wow.

[Jay Moore]

Oh, I'm back. You got my full attention. What bandana is that?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, there's a white one. Yeah, that's pretty.

[Jay Moore]

Judging by your crowd, that's preferable. Yeah, these people put the H in white.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

I saw people with macaroni and cheese vapes.

[Adam Carolla]

We used to. We used to carry black bandanas, but they kept punching the yellow ones or marrying them. Little New York humor for you there.

[Jay Moore]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

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[Dustin Ybarra]

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[Dawson]

This summer, Pluto TV is exploding with thousands of free movies. Summer of cinema is here. Feel the explosive action all summer long with movies like Gladiator, Mission Impossible, Beverly Hills Cop, Good Burger and Dark of the Moon. Bring the action with you and stream for free from all your favorite devices. Pluto tv Stream now. Pay. Never.

[Adam Carolla]

I'mma put you on, nephew. All right, unc. Welcome to McDonald's. Can I take your order, miss? I've been hitting up McDonald's for years. Now it's back. We need snack wraps.

[Jay Moore]

What's a snack wrap?

[Adam Carolla]

It's the return of something great. Snack wrap is back. All right. You want to play a little blah, blah, blah?

[Jay Moore]

Yeah, Buddy, I want to do whatever you want. Whatever you want, I like.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Your buddy, Dustin Yar, very funny comedian, right?

[Jay Moore]

We call him Chewy cuz he looks like Baby Chewbacca.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me call him. All right, here he is. All right. Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

Dustin Ibarra. He brought you some chips, Dustin.

[Unknown]

Flamin Hot Cheetos. The most Mexican thing in here tonight.

[Jay Moore]

Wow. You know what I like?

[Adam Carolla]

Let me say this.

[Jay Moore]

I just like that he swings the bat right away.

[Adam Carolla]

I know. Well, I'm pissed because I thought the roundups would shave 15 minutes off the commute. No such luck, man. It took me an hour and a half to get out here from Glendale. I was hoping now they got rid of all those pesky Mexicans, I could make some real Diamond Lane time.

[Jay Moore]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

I even went by the Home Depot so I could qualify for the Diamond Lane. I just grabbed it. Grabbed a guy named Hector.

[Unknown]

I like pesky Mexican. You sound like a school Scooby Doo villain.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I could have got away with it too.

[Jay Moore]

You want to hear what happened this morning?

[Unknown]

Come on, bro.

[Jay Moore]

He calls me at 7:45 this morning and he goes, hey, I gotta talk to you. I go, what's going on? He goes, there's these Mexicans in my next door neighbor and they got a motorcycle in the driveway at 7:30 in the morning. These wet back.

[Unknown]

I didn't say that part. And I am Mexican, by the way. I am Taco Bell Mexican. They were very Taco truck Mexican, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

And they.

[Jay Moore]

Did you say wet back?

[Unknown]

I know.

[Jay Moore]

I didn't say Web on God.

[Unknown]

I swear to God.

[Jay Moore]

You know.

[Unknown]

I didn't say.

[Jay Moore]

I know you did.

[Unknown]

No, I did not say that. Was thinking that in your head.

[Adam Carolla]

Can we just. You just sort of meet at Beaner and call.

[Jay Moore]

That's what you said.

[Adam Carolla]

No, you're right. It was beaner.

[Jay Moore]

It was Beaner.

[Adam Carolla]

You said beaner.

[Unknown]

It was.

[Jay Moore]

He said, okay, I'm wrong.

[Adam Carolla]

I know that was.

[Jay Moore]

That's what it was. But my housekeeper, he's on speakerphone, was in my bedroom making my bed and he's like, these fucking Mexicans. I go, hey, racist. And. And what was your answer?

[Unknown]

Then you called me back out. You were like, yeah, they are right.

[Jay Moore]

He goes, I'm fucking Mexican.

[Unknown]

I can say, yeah. I said, I'm Mexican. My name is Dustin Ibarra. You know, so that counts for something, right, guy?

[Jay Moore]

Yeah, why?

[Adam Carolla]

Ask him.

[Jay Moore]

Chris Farley's friend. I love this guy. You look like a Lego man. I love this guy. Either drink it or set it Down. You might have a problem.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, you want to play some blah blah blah now? It's pretty self explanatory. It's all in the intro. I think Dawson has it queued up.

[Dustin Ybarra]

It's time for blah, blah blah, the game where we match the celebrity with their retarded online rant. Let's play when I go. I want my casket to be driven through the NYC pride parade with a plaque that reads, she wasn't for everyone, but she was for us. Who can arrange. Is it Lena Dunham, Cher, or Amy Schumer?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, those are three different size of casket that is small, medium and large. And we really captured all the. All the casket sizes here. We got Cher, who's going to be the small. We're gonna have Lena Dunham, who's gonna be. I think she's gonna be bearing a piano crate. I don't think a casket's gonna do it. Yeah, I don't know if they make a big and tall casket place. That'd be a weird, morbid place to shop. And Amy Schumer would be right in the middle of those two. So there's a lot of variation in casket size here.

[Jay Moore]

Let me say something. H. Lena Dunham looks like the container they would ship. Sharon.

[Adam Carolla]

Try.

[Jay Moore]

Like for. To protect it. Like just put that in that.

[Unknown]

It is like one of those Russian dolls.

[Jay Moore]

You open up Lena Donovan filled with gelatinous gooeys.

[Unknown]

It's going.

[Adam Carolla]

It. It will take you a while to get to share. It's not going to be the next da.

[Unknown]

No, there will be three more before that.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so now you got three sort of blow hard broads that are always stroking off the gays. I get it. Cher. By the way, I was doing a man show when I did a man show bit called what the hell are you doing here? Oh, thanks. And one of the bits I did. One thing I did in what the hell are you doing here is I went to the parking lot of the Cher concert and just asked every guy who was walking in, what the hell are you doing here? And that was her retirement tour and that was in 2001, so she needs to go away at some point. All right, so what. What is it? Who. Lena Dunham's been out making the rounds apologizing for girls being too white.

[Unknown]

She's been making the rounds at Golden Corral.

[Adam Carolla]

That's.

[Unknown]

And I'm fat too. I can say that just like the Mexican dad thing, you know, not fat.

[Adam Carolla]

What do you think?

[Jay Moore]

I. I think it's Cher for Real. I don't think these two are thinking mortality yet. Well, she might.

[Adam Carolla]

Jesus Christ.

[Unknown]

I think it's Lena Dunham. I'm gonna go with Dunham.

[Jay Moore]

You probably was shot.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's Amy Schumer doing up there. It's a share. I, I say share. It's a brassy kind of thing to say.

[Dustin Ybarra]

The blog belongs to Lena Dunham.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Jay Moore]

She's still disappointing me.

[Adam Carolla]

I know. I was, I was.

[Jay Moore]

Does she need an EpiPen? What the fuck is going on?

[Adam Carolla]

I was leaning.

[Jay Moore]

She could put her hands in her pockets naked, you know, I hated that show.

[Adam Carolla]

Remember? They'd go, remember? In Girls. I hated girls too. And the only reason we hated Girls is everything that's wrong with Hollywood. You know what I mean? She's doing girls. She gets 275,000 eyeballs every week. Tim Allen gets 19 million, and she's the toast of the town. That's how this fucking piece of shit town works, right? Rolling Stone or whatever. And people were always like, oh, she's so courageous for getting naked. Remember that? She's so courageous. She's so brave. Getting naked, you know, that's brave. But I'll tell you, the guy who's fucking her, now, that's a real hero, that guy. That guy deserves a purple Heart.

[Jay Moore]

Adam Driver had sex scenes with her. He should have won Oscars.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. All right, Dustin's up.

[Jay Moore]

Purple Heart.

[Dustin Ybarra]

This one's for the real ones. The guys who didn't come back. The kind of men who laid it all on the line so the rest of us could walk free.

[Jay Moore]

Toby Keith, Corey Feldman.

[Dustin Ybarra]

That kind of loyalty, that kind of sacrifice. You don't forget it, you honor it. Today ain't about barbecues. It's about remembering the ones who gave everything respect to the fallen.

[Adam Carolla]

Always.

[Dustin Ybarra]

Okay, is it the Motor City Madman, Ted Nugent, James woods, or Sammy the Bull Gravano?

[Unknown]

Wow, this is going with cat scratch fever.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I gotta tell you this. I, I. An idea popped into my head, which is, you know, I say I put out tweets, sometimes I get into trouble. People get offended. Offended? You could get canceled. I'm gonna front load a lot of super offensive tweets that can only be released after I die. I'm gonna tell every single group what exactly what I think of them. Every celebrity. I'm gonna lay it all out, and I'm just gonna have my. My son. Just release until you die. And all of them will just end with, I'm dead. Cancel me, bitch. I'm shooting Pool with Jimi Hendrix. Cancel me, bitch.

[Jay Moore]

Standing next to a mountain.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so Sammy the Bull. Sammy the Bull's just on the podcast, so that guy's good. Ted's always good for fun. James is good. This is. This is tough. This is why you got to play the game.

[Jay Moore]

I'm only. Because he has Steve Martin's wig. I'm going to go, James woods.

[Adam Carolla]

Feels James Woody. They're all very patriotic. It's funny. It's funny, though. It's funny. I was interviewing Sammy the Bull, and I realized, like, how we're all wired because Sammy the Bull was basically responsible, directly or indirectly, for killing 19 people. But I'm like, we are simpatico on the border, bro. Hug it out. Yeah. Finally someone's speaking some sense in this town. Yeah. All right. What do you think?

[Jay Moore]

I'm going James Woods.

[Adam Carolla]

James Woods, Ted Nugent. Not a bad call. Not a bad call. I'm going James Woods.

[Dustin Ybarra]

The blog belongs to Sammy the Bull Gravon.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, man. Just spent an hour and a half at the Man. Learned nothing. Gleaned nothing from the Man.

[Jay Moore]

Look at that bulletproof hair.

[Adam Carolla]

God bless. Oh, yeah.

[Unknown]

JFK had that haircut.

[Adam Carolla]

No, it's great. They had a code, man. They had a code.

[Jay Moore]

Had to sell it. He said, if JFK had that hair, he'd still be alive. Actually, no, I said it.

[Adam Carolla]

That is funny. That's good.

[Jay Moore]

If you can't sell it.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Dustin Ybarra]

Someone asked me if I have more enemies than friends. I thought about it and said yes. Poor me, I'm suffering from success.

[Adam Carolla]

Lol.

[Dustin Ybarra]

Is it Eminem, Ice Cube, or Fitty Scent?

[Adam Carolla]

Fitty, Fitty Scent.

[Unknown]

Well, I like M&M's, and I like Ice Cubes. Yeah, I think it's Ice Cube.

[Jay Moore]

I'm going Fitty staring, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Ice Cube always looks angry, right? His angry eyes. I want to. You know, we did. You know, Eminem was a huge Crank Yankers fan, and he wanted to do crank calls on Crank Yankers. So we flew. We all flew out. Me and Jimmy and all the riders and everything, and we just flew. It's so funny because when we did Crank Yankers, we had to do it out of Nevada because it was illegal to tape phone calls in other states. And. But when Eminem says, yeah, I'll make some calls, we were like, all right, we'll just come out to you. Like, fuck the law. And we went out and we went to this little place in Michigan off of Seven Mile or whatever. I mean, he's at the height of his powers. This is, I don't know, 2004, something like that. And he made, like 50 million bucks that year. And he told us he was going on a lunch run. And I was like, all right. And he came back with Taco Bell. Taco Bell is where I used to take my Catholic little brother when I was poor. Because it was the fucking cheapest place on the planet we could possibly eat.

[Jay Moore]

With his Russian rapper friend.

[Adam Carolla]

With Tim the Russian rapper Team. Team. Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks Suck on these balls and leak on dis dick. That's right. Tim was a Russian rapper. Yeah. My. My Catholic little brother Nate had a fat kid from Russia who was his only friend and all. He only learned to speak English by listening to rap music. And I swear to God, he was a. He was a doughy, pasty, white, fat Russian kid with, like, man tits and big areolas. And we'd be, like, walking out. It was two things. I would go to Taco Bell and I would take them to the beach. Cause I didn't have any money, and they were both, like, almost free, you know? And team. The Russian rapper team was great. Because the day I met him, I was like, what's your name? He's like, team. I was like, team. Team. Like a basketball team, right? No, no, no, no, no. Team. Team. Is that what I'm saying? Team. Like a team. Like a baseball team. Not team. Team. Team. Fucking eventually something. His name is Tim. His name is Tim. I'd like. Oh, your name is Tim. We're in America now. Team. That's what I say. Team. We'd go to the beach, and he'd be like, all right, let's cruise some bitches now. Smack some hoes. They're like, 13. Look at your fat, pasty, white kid who can only speak Rapper. Rap. Right? So we'd get my Zuzu Trooper, and team would have another mixtape, you know, and he'd go, pop this in. You know, to pop it in the cassette. And it was. Yeah, it was Beaches Ain't Shit But Hoes and Tricks. That was his one, and then his. His other was. I got the backhand like John McEnroe. That beach steps up, I'm smacking the hoe. Like, that's what he's learning. But we had a great. I had a great moment with these two that was like. They were. They were both freshmen. And believe it or not, my Catholic little brother, which was the whitest little pastiest, spindliest kid in the world. Like a ginger hair and Stuff and like, a lazy eye.

[Jay Moore]

But God's piling on.

[Adam Carolla]

He went. He went to Beverly Hills High because his mom, who had, like, five kids and no dad, got a little shitty apartment that just was within the school district so he could go to Beverly Hills High. But now him and team are the. They're. You know, they're. They're the Beverly. There were 90210 was filmed. You know, there goes I and zuring and a Corvette. Here comes these two, you know, and they knew they were losers, right? And my. My guy team. My guy Nate was, like, skinny as hell and no build at all and wimp. And then this guy team was big and fat, you know, and it was. It was. It was Magic Mountain night for Catholic big brothers. We. We could. We could go to Magic Mountain, and they would let all the Catholic big brothers ride all the rides multiple times for free. And so we're. We're driving my Zuzu Trooper up the. Up the hill, up the grapevine, or trying to get there, you know, four banger, you know, in second gear, going 19 miles an hour. Both of them had just bought a big gulp from 7:11 and then promptly knocked them over. And it was flooding with soda and Dr. Pepper in the back of my Isuzu Trooper. And we're driving up there, and they're like. And team's like, none of the beaches at Beverly Hills High like us. They don't like me. They don't like Nate. We can't get the girlfriend. And I'm like, of course you can't. You're morbidly obese. You sound like Snoop Dogg. What the. You're the only poor kids at the whole school. No. And this guy's built like a scarecrow with a lazy eye. It's not going to work, you know, But I'm like, I'm driving my Zuzu Trooper, and I'm thinking, okay, say something positive. Be actually your big brother. Not a comedian now. And I wasn't a comedian. So I was like, fucking build these kids confidence up and, like, say something. And I was like, well, you guys are freshmen now, but don't worry, you know, you'll be sophomores and then juniors, and it'll be. There'll be a whole crop of new kids coming in, young girls wanting to make friends, and you'll be the elder statesman. You'll like to be the big men on campus. You have all these young girls to choose from. So it's gonna all turn around next year when you guys are juniors or sophomores. And There's a pause and team pipes up and he goes, oh, come on. Let's face it. Nate is too skinny and I'm too fat. I was like, all right, well, I tried. I tried. You're right. No one's getting laid.

[Jay Moore]

I like. I like you walking these guys through Magic Mountain. They just. In my mind, they just look like the number 10.

[Adam Carolla]

They were. But they didn't get any number tens, that's for damn sure.

[Jay Moore]

They might have gotten 10 ones.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, what was. What was the last one? Dawson? I forgot the troops.

[Jay Moore]

Oh, no.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, we went with. Okay. All right, so 50 cent. 50 cent.

[Unknown]

Ice Cube is what I thought.

[Adam Carolla]

Ice Cube. You got Ice Cube. Okay.

[Dustin Ybarra]

The blog belongs to $0.50.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we're on the board. It's all not what up, gangster?

[Dustin Ybarra]

MacArthur park is a vile, filthy, drug infested gang worthy of Karen Bass. This commie loser would be happier in Cuba.

[Unknown]

I think I said that this morning.

[Adam Carolla]

I love her utopian version of la. You know, the just young, bright eyed kids with a dream and one of those hoops with a stick on it, just wearing knickers, running up and down with high socks, enjoying the outdoors. It's not shit and syringes and guys ODing on fentanyl. She has this weird.

[Jay Moore]

I just want to make sure you said knickers.

[Adam Carolla]

Knickers, yeah, please.

[Dustin Ybarra]

Is it James Woods?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, woods is back.

[Dustin Ybarra]

California candidate for governor Steve Hilton or Fox News correspondent Cat Timf?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it had some profanity in there, right.

[Dustin Ybarra]

Hole.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm going. I'm going with Cat Timf on this one because I think she would tend to cuss more. I don't. I don't.

[Unknown]

I. I'm gonna go with James Wood. If you look at his tw Twitter, he's a cusser, man.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, is he?

[Unknown]

He gets pretty hardcore, man.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, well, this is gonna. One of us is gonna.

[Jay Moore]

I'm gonna go James Wood also.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm going James Wood.

[Jay Moore]

I can't change my answer. Steve Hilton.

[Adam Carolla]

Steve Hilton.

[Dustin Ybarra]

The blog belongs to James Wood.

[Unknown]

Oh, you owe me Taco Bell.

[Adam Carolla]

I gotta tell you.

[Jay Moore]

I'll take you to the beach.

[Adam Carolla]

Dustin never heard of this game 25 minutes ago and now he's dominating.

[Jay Moore]

Whatever.

[Unknown]

Beginner's luck.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know.

[Dustin Ybarra]

Here's our last one.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Dustin Ybarra]

I thought people were making fat jokes last week talking about that big, beautiful Bill, but it wasn't about me at all. Is it Bill de Blasio, Bill Nye the Science Guy, Lena Dunham, or William Shatner?

[Adam Carolla]

William Shatner?

[Jay Moore]

Oh, boy.

[Unknown]

Oh, look at the shat.

[Adam Carolla]

Ah, God. All right.

[Unknown]

That's William Shatner.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Jay Moore]

Price line look like him that much? What do you mean, doesn't look like him?

[Unknown]

That doesn't look like William Shatner looks exactly.

[Jay Moore]

It's. It's William Shatner.

[Unknown]

Maybe I'm just too up close.

[Jay Moore]

William the science guy looks like one of those insects that look like bugs sticks.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, he does.

[Jay Moore]

That'd be funnier if I didn't it up.

[Adam Carolla]

I stink. Yeah, yeah. Bill Nye. Bill Nye doesn't need a bow tie. He is a bow tie.

[Jay Moore]

There you go, Ace.

[Adam Carolla]

Good job. He's a walking bow tie. Like, look at that guy. How many wedgies did he get in junior high? It's. It's. You can't calculate it.

[Jay Moore]

He's got.

[Unknown]

Getting one in this picture. I think.

[Adam Carolla]

I know.

[Jay Moore]

He looks like he loves it too.

[Unknown]

Oh, stop it, guys.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, Bill Nye's not fat, so no, he.

[Jay Moore]

I'm going Shatner and the carpet Fresh wig.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I say this about a rug on a guy? If you can make it 35 years in, eventually people leave it alone, you know what I mean? Like Shatner. There was a lot of Shatner toupee talk in the 90s.

[Jay Moore]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

But he's come out the other side smelling like a baby.

[Jay Moore]

But it's gotten better. Like.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. The technology's gotten better.

[Unknown]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, look at you. Yeah, yeah.

[Unknown]

You should see his pubes.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I have what? How much hair did you get put back onto your head?

[Jay Moore]

75. 7,500 follicles the first time, then 4,000 the second time.

[Unknown]

What happened the first time?

[Jay Moore]

I. I just couldn't fin. I. What?

[Adam Carolla]

I, like, fall out? No, they.

[Jay Moore]

It's still like, the crown was kind of.

[Adam Carolla]

So you got 11. You got 11,500 follicles. I love. I bet the clinic was like, the first nine follicles are free, and you're going, wow, this sounds like a deal. Yeah.

[Unknown]

Spin the wheel to see how many follicles you get.

[Adam Carolla]

25'S the best we've got so far, but we've only been open for seven years, so let's spin that wheel, Jay.

[Jay Moore]

It's funny. You fill out paperwork beforehand, and it's like, check here, if you don't mind if we use your likeness in ads. And I'm like, fuck that, right? But then I needed the second one done. I'm like, I should have hit that box. See if they give me a freebie. That shit's expensive.

[Adam Carolla]

Do they charge you by the follicle or by the hour?

[Jay Moore]

I think so. It was like $40,000. No. Hey, I look good. I can't be a bald guy. No. No offense.

[Adam Carolla]

That's all right. Jay. Jay told me backstage he charged Medicaid, so don't worry. We all paid for it.

[Jay Moore]

I wish.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's a California fair plan. That was a big.

[Jay Moore]

That was a big year for me. It was a wedding ring and hair. I had to prioritize.

[Adam Carolla]

You got the ring. When'd you get the tea?

[Jay Moore]

The ring was much less.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Dawson]

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[Adam Carolla]

At Energy Trust of Oregon, we understand that energy isn't just what happens when you flip a switch. It's what happens afterwards. It's a home that can provide both shelter and peace of mind. It's a business that can run more efficiently and keep their dream alive. And it's communities that can thrive today and flourish tomorrow. That's energy. And that's why we partner with local utility companies to help you save energy and lower costs. For cash incentives and resources that can.

[Jay Moore]

Help power your life, visit energytrust.org.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, let me. All right, can I say this? Let's work this out. You know who his wife is? All right, so she's a billionaire now. And here's what I'm saying in terms of the ring, yet you have to go. Like, if you're working at UPS and you got a decent job, but you're not making a ton of dough, you gotta. You gotta cobble together something respectable in the ring department. You know, maybe it's 2300 bucks or something like that or whatever. De Beers, conveniently, De Beers is like, begins with. Yeah, De Beers is like. Well, we have a simple yardstick here. We recommend 19 years salary before. Before taxes. Before taxes.

[Unknown]

I'm gonna check out tj.

[Adam Carolla]

I wonder who made that rule. Right, But. And if you make 500k a year, then you gotta pony up a $30,000 ring. But once you get into the billion world, then you can use yarn or rubber band now, right? It's like. It's like when Jeff Bezos shows up in board shorts and flip flops. You're like, oh, he can do it. Yeah, because like, the richest dudes in Hollywood drive A Prius, you know, like Leonardo DiCaprio drives a $37,000 car. Because everyone fucking knows.

[Jay Moore]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean? He doesn't need to show off what he has. So I don't think you need to buy Genie anything expensive for the rest of your life.

[Jay Moore]

Hear that?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Jay Moore]

No, a bunch of little Bill Burrs out here.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, how's it work? Do you go like what, what do you do? Can you buy jewelry?

[Jay Moore]

I knew what I wanted to spend and so that was the goal. And I was doing stand up constantly to hit both numbers.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really? The follicle number?

[Jay Moore]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, De Beer says it's about 5,500 follicles is what you should spend. So it'd be about. Yeah, be about 21K.

[Jay Moore]

It was right, right around 20.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but they, the beer says between 5,000, 5,525.

[Jay Moore]

And a guy we know from a program we belong to was a jeweler. And he goes, I got you. He's this Puerto Rican guy. So I'm like, I don't know. And he goes, I got you. I got you. Here's a three carat ring. It's perfect. It's one. And he goes, listen, listen, anybody else you ask about this ring, they're going to charge you. And he takes out a calculator and he goes, $68,522. I'm like, whatever. So then I got a second opinion. A guy came to the house who was a friend of her family.

[Adam Carolla]

Jeannie's family.

[Jay Moore]

Yeah. And for the same price, he just takes out these like faggoty, like one carat. And I'm like, oh, yeah, okay, well, what if I wanted this exact quality in 3 carats? The guy's at my dining room table, he goes, well, that's, you know, you're looking at. He fucking says 68,000. He says, the exact number. The Puerto Rican. Puerto Rican's no weight.

[Adam Carolla]

They know how it's great. And they, they have stolen so much jewelry over the years. Their ancestors have typed so much jewelry over the years that they've all become experts.

[Jay Moore]

I wish he was here, you know?

[Unknown]

Yeah, I got something from him. I don't. I think it was a lot cheaper than the one you got genied, by the way.

[Jay Moore]

But yeah, and she was. I was fat. I weighed 2:40 when I asked her to marry me, and I was bald. That's the guy she said yes to. But I got on my knee to ask her to marry me and she had to help me back up so she's not with me for my looks or my money, if you know what I mean. AK It's a big dick, right?

[Unknown]

It's a nice song. I gotta be.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She got to help you up. She's looking at your bald spot. Did they get the Sharpie out and draw on your head?

[Jay Moore]

She thought it was a coaster.

[Adam Carolla]

She said, zima down on top of your head.

[Jay Moore]

Oh. Do you know his proposal story? It's amazing. We'll get to the blog, obviously.

[Unknown]

Oh, I went to the beach. I go metal detecting. And I. I hid the ring in the sand. Hey, I. I do go metal detecting. Hang on to your panties, ladies. I metal detective tech. I hid the ring in the sand, and I'm. I'm like, he recorded me. I'm looking for the ring. I'm looking for the ring, and I'm looking for it. I. I lost it. And she's like, there's nothing there. And I'm like, I'm pretty sure there's something here right now. She's like, is it even on? I'm like, yeah, it's on. I looked down. It was off the whole time. So I turn it on. She's like, you're so stupid. And I'm like, you're going to feel stupid here in a second. So I got on my knee and I was like, you marry me. Is what I would have said before being such a. But now. Now I'm taking this back to Kohl's. Okay. We are getting married.

[Jay Moore]

Money in the bank.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And good in the follicle department as well, man. You could be a donor for sure. Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

The car matches the drapes.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, Dustin, take this in the spirit which it's intended. But what is sadder when you experience this, man, the always alone. By the way, metal detector on the beach guy, always alone, or recumbent bike guy, always alone. What is it? What's sadder? What's metal bike guy? Recumbent bike guy, because I feel like.

[Jay Moore]

He used to be crippled, and somehow he beat it, but he still has to fight.

[Adam Carolla]

I like recumbent bike guy because recumbent bike guys, like, listen, I like to be in a lounge position a lot, but I also like vigorous exercise. It's like. Well, that's normally two different guys, but you've made a peanut butter cup. I had a. Your ass. This guy. I like to recline.

[Jay Moore]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

But I like vigorous long workouts.

[Jay Moore]

Well, I understand that, but you can have a work. See, Look. Okay. See how the seat of our Bikes, they're here because you sit on the bike and you get a vigorous workout and you can rest if you like to relax, you can rest your hands on the steering wheel.

[Adam Carolla]

I've always. I always realize.

[Jay Moore]

Thanks for playing along.

[Adam Carolla]

It's also. Oh, I'll play along.

[Jay Moore]

No, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Listen, I'm not. I'm not into sitting on my nut sack for 30 miles. I like to chillax. I put a cup holder in my.

[Jay Moore]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, mine reclines.

[Jay Moore]

These are seats made more for comfort, you see, the seats are bigger, they're more puffy and you know, it's much puffy.

[Adam Carolla]

Enough with the technical seat talk. Yeah, I can't keep up.

[Jay Moore]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

The reason I know that recumbent bike guy's a lone wolf. A loner and an outsider and no one likes him. Just like the metal detector guy is. Whenever I see guys riding down at Griffith park or whatever on a Saturday when you're riding a normal 10 speed, there's a gaggle of guys. It's always 15, 20 guys. They got their club thing on. They all come pulling into the Starbucks with their weird cleat shoes on and everything. Recumbent bike guy, always alone. There's never two of them. He always has like one dude.

[Jay Moore]

He always has like 400 mirrors at every single conceivable angle. Yeah, like he's wearing Google glasses and.

[Adam Carolla]

He'S got that dune buggy flag like.

[Unknown]

He'S on a Japanese tour group.

[Adam Carolla]

Cuz he would get run over before he made it down his driveway. Because he's 14 inches off the ground going 30 miles an hour. Like nobody sees this guy. Everyone's driving a truck with a lift kit on it. He's going under a bumper. You gotta have that flag. I'm not a fan of the flag, but this guy's earned his flag.

[Unknown]

I like the flag. I think we should use it on more things, man.

[Adam Carolla]

More things.

[Unknown]

Like little tiny people. You put a flag on there, man.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Oh, it's a good point.

[Unknown]

Right, cuz? Then you know you'll be at the blackjack table. Hey, what's up?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh my God. Brad Williams was in this casino 10 minutes ago. I don't. Oh, there he is. He's at the bar. Yeah, I got him. Yes, sir. You can't lead him by his flag though. That's offensive. You got to let it go. It's not a leash, sir. It's a dwarf flag. You can't lead him by his flag. It's a dwarf flag, sir. You've been drinking. No more dragging dwarfs through the casino with their identification. It's identification flag, sir. Let's not make a mockery of it. It comes with the vest and on.

[Jay Moore]

The flag it says, caution, I bite. That's right.

[Unknown]

It's like that scene in Jurassic park with the high leaves, the high grass.

[Adam Carolla]

And you see a bunch of flags like, oh, my God. Yeah. At the wizard of Oz convention. Yeah, It'd be great around Christmas time.

[Jay Moore]

We really are funny.

[Adam Carolla]

What? Yeah, we're funny. Yeah.

[Unknown]

I'm going to battle the text so hard after this.

[Jay Moore]

You're going to go at night? Have you ever done it at night?

[Unknown]

I go at night. I go to the. I go to Manhattan Beach. There's a lot of rich people, they're all on oic, so their shit's falling.

[Adam Carolla]

Off, like, oh, yeah, it's cock rings galore for Dustin.

[Jay Moore]

Have you ever worn.

[Unknown]

These are worth money.

[Jay Moore]

Have you ever worn a cock ring item?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm wearing one now.

[Unknown]

That's why you're always on, man.

[Adam Carolla]

It's always on. No, no, no. You can't take it off because people think you're single. Oh, no, wait a minute. It's different brand.

[Jay Moore]

Have you ever worn a cock ring?

[Unknown]

No. No, not a cock ring. Nope.

[Jay Moore]

My nanny found my cock ring. This is when I was high and I needed one and she found it and she was like, dios meal. And I'm like, oh, no, no, that's. I have carpal tunnel syndrome. You know how when I type, I hit the space bar so hard with my thumb that I got carpal tunnel syndrome? It goes all the way to my neck. And so for the next six weeks, she'd be in my kitchen, like, cleaning, and I have to go to my bedroom, put a cock ring on my thumb. I typed with a cock ring and.

[Adam Carolla]

There'S a guy's dick still in it.

[Jay Moore]

So what?

[Adam Carolla]

So what, we should do a coffee table book on just embarrassing shit the Mexican maid found. Yeah, like, my maid found Ron Jeremy's cock. I know. We've all been there. Ron Jeremy guys have to pretend like they don't know who that is. Who's that chap? Is he from the brewers? Yeah, right, right. He was a porn star. Famous porn pornographic actor. And he. He did Loveline once and he brought his dick in with him because it's back when they would make molds of everything. Like. Yeah, back when they make Hartley Crouch and stuff. Yeah. He had his own dildo line, you know. Wow.

[Jay Moore]

What a business.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, you've arrived. I mean, listen, Jordan had his own Sneaker. But he didn't have his own car.

[Jay Moore]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean? And he pulled one out of the Metro market. He was leaving that night, you know, and he pulled one out of the trunk of his car. And he goes, here you go. You know, what was I supposed to do? Offend the man? No. It's part of the porn culture. You know what I mean?

[Unknown]

I'm vegan. I can't.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So I. I accepted it using my mouth. We had an oral agreement.

[Jay Moore]

Wow. Wow, good stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

So he gives me the cock, and I'm like, I don't know what to do with it, but I don't offend him. And I like throw it in the back of my car. And it's rolling around in the back.

[Jay Moore]

Of the car getting all those kids sodas all over it.

[Unknown]

Every time you turn, it hits the wall.

[Adam Carolla]

It is weird. We drive like a round can of tomato paste in the trunk. We'll never fall over and just roll back and forth and drive as f insane the entire time. But his dick is just rolling around the back of my trunk. And then I pull. I pull it out. And there's a part of me that goes, oh, this? But there's a part of me that goes, this retails for 81 bucks. And it's still got that new smell.

[Jay Moore]

You're on fire. You're on fire.

[Adam Carolla]

So I go, I don't know what the fuck to do with this thing. I'm not throwing it away.

[Jay Moore]

So you put it in your ass. Because anything fits in your ass if you're sad enough, right, ladies? You just got to. Sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

I was holding a grocery bag and my son and I could not balance.

[Jay Moore]

So you had your son put it.

[Adam Carolla]

In your ass for you? No, over the line. All right, so I take this and I get up to my house in Hollywood Hills and I'm like, well, I can't leave it on the coffee table, you know, So I just put it in my closet, like up on the shelf, you know, behind.

[Unknown]

Next to the Beretta.

[Adam Carolla]

Next to the Beretta, Yeah. And then I got drunk.

[Jay Moore]

The parrot from Beretta.

[Adam Carolla]

And that night, somebody broke into the house and I pulled Ron Jeremy's cock on him, which was more effective than. Than a handgun. Cuz this guy fled big time and.

[Jay Moore]

He told his friends, I just robbed Ron Jeremy's house.

[Adam Carolla]

You make Ron Jeremy's cock illegal, and only criminals will have Ron Jeremy's cock. Ted Nugent has said it many times, but bears repeating.

[Unknown]

You'll have to pry. Ron Jeremy's cock out of my cold, dead hands.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Now a lot of folks in Congress want his balls to only hold eight shots of goo. And also these congressmen, they're all for banning Ron Jeremy's cock, but they got security and they're all packing cock.

[Jay Moore]

How many children have to die from Ron Jeremy's?

[Adam Carolla]

All right, Jay, sorry, but if that home run teacher had Ron Jeremy's in her desk and was trained, we could prevent a lot of needless deaths.

[Jay Moore]

Are we having a better time than the audience?

[Adam Carolla]

We may have that. All right.

[Jay Moore]

Oh, it was funny.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Now they also want to outlaw junk stops, too. All right, I'm going deep there. Thank you. All right. So anyway, I put the fucking cock up there. Forget about it, basically. And one day I'm going looking for tennis shoes or something and realize the cock's been moved to a completely different space and understand that the Mexican maid definitely dusted Ron Jeremy's cockpit. She has no context for any of this. Then there's that weird thing like, do I try to broach this? You know what I mean? Do I try to get one of my Spanish speaking friends to come in and kind of explain what happened? Or we just sort of no eye contact for the rest of our relationship, you know what I mean? Like, I didn't know what to do. I did. People gave us. When I did Loveline, people gave us free T shirts. And I had a pile of T shirts and I gave it to her to like. She was like, thank you for the free T shirt. She could barely. She couldn't read English. And there was this T shirt that said, masturbation is not a crime. But it was a fresh T shirt for her and she gave it to her non English speaking husband who worked at a factory and he got sent home.

[Jay Moore]

And that factory made Ron Jeremy's conch.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Jay Moore]

Put a bow on it.

[Adam Carolla]

Have you ever been to one of those dildo factories?

[Jay Moore]

No.

[Unknown]

Oh, we would go on field trips all the time when I was a kid. Yeah, Right next to one.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

It was like Willy Wonka.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got the golden shower ticket. Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

You've been to a dildo factory?

[Adam Carolla]

I've been to a dildo factory.

[Jay Moore]

For the man show.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, for the man show. But I was there anyway. But we decided to film because. All right. And I was just watching. It's the saddest. It's the saddest picture ever because it's like short, squatty, put upon Honduran chicks, sewing pubes Onto a fake cock and balls. And they could be anywhere. They could be assembling lawnmowers. They could be putting together porn purses. It's a sweatshop for dildos.

[Unknown]

Is it like a cookie factory where they give you all the broken dildos afterwards? This one's misshape. You can have it.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a bag. It was.

[Unknown]

This one's got three balls.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. It was basically like Marshalls from the seventies.

[Jay Moore]

I love Marshalls.

[Adam Carolla]

Deep Valley cut.

[Jay Moore]

Yeah, Jersey is great.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Should we try to.

[Jay Moore]

I like how all the women were kind of like just thinking about dildos. Everybody was all right with it. And as soon as you said pubes. As soon as you said pubes, everybody went, oh, yeah, I'll put plastic in my vagina, but keep that fake away from me.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. People don't like pubes. I don't get it. I mean, they. I guess they serve a purpose.

[Jay Moore]

I'm going to go Bill de Blasio.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, sorry, where were we? Bill de Blasio. Oh, I'm going Shatner.

[Jay Moore]

I'm gonna. Too obvious.

[Unknown]

I'm gonna go de Blasio too. I don't think Shatner would say.

[Jay Moore]

Oh, don't get my answer. You.

[Dustin Ybarra]

The blog belongs to William Shatner.

[Jay Moore]

Yeah.

[Dustin Ybarra]

And we have a two way tie.

[Jay Moore]

It ain't with me.

[Dustin Ybarra]

I know that Dustin and Adam are knotted up at two apiece. There will be two choices to this last question. To break the tie, each of you will need to pick different support. Yay to gay happy pride. Is it Katy Perry or Taylor Swift?

[Adam Carolla]

Can I say this real quick? If we keep giving their own month, we're going to have to add a 13th month. There's just not enough months to go around anymore for everyone claiming whatever the month. Right.

[Unknown]

I'm going to go with Katy Perry.

[Adam Carolla]

You go to Katy Perry.

[Unknown]

Remember when all those women went to space?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

It would have been funny if they had to parallel park.

[Adam Carolla]

In this spaceship. Wow, that's. That's really hateful, man.

[Jay Moore]

And I invited him.

[Unknown]

I think Katy Perry said it.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. That's Katy Perry. Katy Perry always looks like she's thinking about something stupid. I don't know that she is stupid. It just looks like she's thinking about something stupid. All right, so you go Katy Perry and I'm going to go Taylor Swift. And we will have a winner.

[Dustin Ybarra]

The blog belongs to Katy Perry.

[Jay Moore]

That was a no brainer.

[Unknown]

Let me get my Cheetos on your keyboard.

[Adam Carolla]

Your heads up your asses so we.

[Dustin Ybarra]

Can Play another round.

[Jay Moore]

Speech, speech, blah, blah.

[Unknown]

You know, I mean, this is a great, this is a great day. I didn't know how to play the game. I won it. It's kind of crazy. We learned a lot about dildos and stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm a veteran of the game. This is probably my 80th game. And what happened here is basically like when you're doing the football pool at the office and you're handicapping your teams and the receptionist, who's never even heard of the, never heard of the Vikings or the packers or whatever, just runs the table and you eat shit. That's exactly what happened.

[Unknown]

I was just guessing on who had the prettiest eyes the whole time.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

Come on, packers.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, oh, oh. O'Reilly Auto Parts. O'Reilly Auto Parts. You know the jingle. They're in the business of keeping your car on the road. O'Reilly Auto Parts offers friendly, helpful service and the parts knowledge you need for all your maintenance and repairs. Always been an O'Reilly guy. Used them wherever I lived. I just find the closest O'Reilly now. It's up on Foothill in La Crescenta. That's the one I was at a few weeks ago. So whether you're a car aficionado or an auto novice, you'll find the employees at O'Reilly Auto Parts are knowledgeable, helpful, and best of all, they are friendly and they're experts. They know their stuff. It's not what you see milling around at the big box place. These guys know their business. Stop by O'Reilly Auto Parts today or you can visit us online@o'reillyauto.com Adam that's o'reillyauto.com Adam this summer, Pluto TV is.

[Dawson]

Exploding with thousands of free movies. Summer of cinema is here. Feel the explosive action all summer long with movies like Gladiator, Mission Impossible, Beverly Hills Cop, Good Burger and Transformers. Dark of the Moon. Bring the action with you and stream for free from all your favorite devices. Pluto tv. Stream now. Pay never.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Should we do a little news, Dawson?

[Dustin Ybarra]

Yes, we can.

[Jay Moore]

I got beat so bad. I got beat like John Anderson in 1980.

[Dustin Ybarra]

There's a new book out called 2023 4. How Trump Retook the White House and Democrats Lost America. It details Vice President Kamala Harris decision to choose Minnesota Governor Tim Walz as a running mate after Joe Biden ended his reelection campaign was written by top political reporters. The book reveals that Walz was selected over fellow finalists Pennsylvania Governor Josh Shapiro and Arizona Senator Mark Kelly. Now all three underwent final interviews at Harris's residence. Tim Waltz notably chose a diet Mountain Dew over water.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Nectar the tarts. Thank you. It's nectar the tarts.

[Jay Moore]

She's on fire.

[Dustin Ybarra]

The decision, now widely criticized by pundits, was driven by Harris team's belief that walls had the strongest appeal to rural voters.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, there's something wrong with him and he would always do that. I'm going to do an impersonation of a dude. Like, what would a dude do? And he'd go, we pop the hood on an International Harvester. Like, I like when politicians, when you catch them in the middle, like, oh, I was just gapping the plugs like a normal person on my International Harvester. It's like, well, you do have a crew filming you. You're not really caught off guard by this. How in all, like, like, here's. All right, let's. Let's do this. Tim Wall seems fucking nuts to me. Seems horribly unqualified. He seems like an asshole and he seems dumb too, right? He's like, what ice is doing. What ice is doing is no different than a modern day gazpacho. It's like, tim, that's a cold soup from Spain. Oh, without doing anything different than a modern day gesso. That's the white paint they put on canvases before they paint. I'm out of words.

[Jay Moore]

This is worse than Cincinnati, Germany.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. So he's an idiot. But that's what they end up for, running for vice president, right? And it's kind of nuts. So like, like when teams, we're talking about football and we all have our team and they'll, they'll select somebody, you know, they'll select Ryan Leaf, you know, like, San Diego, get Ryan Leaf. And you go, oh, that guy turned out to be a bust, right? But he's six foot six, has a cannon for an arm and racked up big stats in college, right? So it's like, all right, fine, he didn't fucking work out in the league, but the person that picked him is not a fucking retard. The guy fucking led the nation in touchdown passes and yardage, and he's a fucking tower of a guy, you know? And like, there's a lot of bus in the NFL, NBA and stuff like that, but they weren't fucking idiots. They were good in college. You still picked the wrong guy. He was like a quarterback in college that fucking got the ball on first down and punted it into the stands. Why are you. Why is he. Why is he going in the first round? You're the fucking Raiders. Like, what are you doing? This guy is a fucking idiot. Why would he been. Why would he have been in the running? And I think, oh, I know what it is. You know how hot chicks always have a bunch of fat friends hanging around them because they always get to be the hot one, even if they're six and a half. As long as they have those twos.

[Jay Moore]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Orbiting around their planet. Yeah. That's what you do with Dustin. Yeah. I think that's how Lena Dunham makes her living now. She rents herself out to sixes. We're going bar hopping, girls. Okay. I think Kamala Harris is like, I need someone dumber than me. And this is gonna be. This is gonna be a search.

[Jay Moore]

Yeah. Mark Kelly would have made her look like a golden retriever.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right. Shapiro. Right. All right, sorry. What else we got?

[Jay Moore]

Who was the move? Well, Mark Kelly just looked like an erection to me all the time. He's like. But he was bald. But he was like.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, the astronaut.

[Jay Moore]

He was, like, bald, but, like. Yeah, like a hard cockhead.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, a hymns commercial.

[Jay Moore]

Like a hymns commercial.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And an astronaut, by the way, astronaut is one of those gigs. Doctors, out the window, Lawyers, we all fucking hate. Fuck school, teachers, priests, just molest everyone. Astronaut is that one job where people go, okay, get out of the way. He was an astronaut. Fucking listen to him.

[Unknown]

Remember when our astronauts were stuck in space? No one really gave a fuck. Kind of. They were there for, like a year, and everybody cares. No one cared.

[Jay Moore]

We just didn't know how to go get them. I can't go up there in my Apollo 13. I can't take my Bugatti to space and go pick these guys up.

[Unknown]

Yeah, but it wasn't like we weren't like, we got to get our boys back. We were like, no, it was.

[Jay Moore]

It was.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me ask you this.

[Jay Moore]

Didn't you guys want the astronauts back? Don't you agree that he's a idiot?

[Unknown]

Don't you agree that the woman came back and we kind of look the same now? Like, we have the same hair, we have the same look.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

I feel like you did that whole thing just to work.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't want to make fun of your culture, but on the construction sites when I used to work back in the day, every porta potty said Mexican space shuttle on. Hey, and you know what? We great. We like. Yeah. That's about as far as they got. Let me ask you this about Katy Perry going to spring space. Katy Perry went to space. It was it four or five Months ago. Now, think. So her and her longtime partner, Orlando Bloom, broke it off, like two months ago. She went to Bezos. He went to Bezos's wedding alone. She didn't go. They're broken up. They've been together for a million years. About the time she went to space, he was thinking about breaking it off, right?

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

He had some thoughts about that rocket blowing up. Some thoughts. You know what I mean? I'm not saying he sabotaged a rocket, but Orlando Bloom had definitely had an asshole of Katy Perry and was at that stage. We've all done it where you've, like. We've done it where you're gonna quit a job or you're gonna break up or whatever. Like you decided to quit the relationship or quit the job in April, but you didn't actually pull the trigger until July. Right.

[Unknown]

It's kind of like an Apple subscription. It keeps renewing.

[Adam Carolla]

And he's right.

[Unknown]

Like, I gotta cancel that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, right, but you've been thinking about canceling for months now. He had to be right in that sweet spot of Jesus Christ. So I'm gonna break up with her, but I'm gonna have this conversation with this nutty broad. The kids are gonna get drawn into this. It's gonna be such a nightmare if that shuttle would just blow up.

[Jay Moore]

Yeah, okay.

[Adam Carolla]

And by the way, he's an actor, so he can draw some tears, you.

[Jay Moore]

Know, Put second thought was the sympathy pussy alone.

[Adam Carolla]

Sympathy snatch alone. I loved her. I was planning on marrying her. I had Dustin find me a ring at Santa Monica in the Sand. I was gonna present it to her soon as they docked, soon as they landed, I had the ring. He's an actor, so he's holding back the tears, you know, it's perfect. The sympathy snatch. It would never end. Never end. And he do a smart move like Clooney. Clooney had a 30 year uninterrupted streak of plowing every starlet in Hollywood. But he played it smart. He played it smart. He got married when he was like 22. Didn't work before he made any money or anything, then got divorced, then got rich, then fucked every starlet for 30 years going, hey, man, I've been married already and I got burned. And I'm not really over it, you know, And I just. Not ready to do that again. He did it. What? Didn't cost him any money. Got it out of his fucking system early. Can't make it. Can't do it again. You know, he's been hurt before. Orlando Bloom, just getting his Cock sucked in perpetuity. She wants a ring. She wants commitment. He's like, look, babe, I love you, but the last woman I love blew up in outer space, and I'm just not ready. No, hold on. Don't stop sucking. I'm talking. Your mouth's open. So are your ears. Let's go, babe. Let's do this.

[Jay Moore]

You're on fire. Holy.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, Orlando Bloom. Boy, did he left money on the table.

[Jay Moore]

Orlando boom.

[Adam Carolla]

Orlando boom. Oh, it would have been awesome.

[Jay Moore]

It sure would have been. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Would have been great.

[Jay Moore]

Yakety broads coming back, acting like they fucking invented.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Oh, and what's her name? Gayle King. Who decided? She. Gayle King. Basically, we decided as America, like four years ago that Gayle King needed to just be everywhere all the time. She's like fucking ranch dressing. It's like, I never saw this before. Now it's. And you want me to dunk pizza into it? When did this become. It's ubiquitous now. It's like, this is a party. Where's Gayle King? Yeah, Bezos is getting married. Where's. Someone's going to have. Where the fuck is Gayle King? She's. She eats Oprah snatch for a living. That's all. She's not. She doesn't do anything, does she?

[Jay Moore]

I like that you double down on Snatch. Two different bits.

[Adam Carolla]

Love that movie.

[Unknown]

I thought that no Kings protest was about her those whole time.

[Adam Carolla]

She sponsored it.

[Unknown]

No more Gayle Kings. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

What does Gayle King do? Why do we need her? And why is she at every event?

[Jay Moore]

I don't know. But when Katy Perry. When they were in space, they all came back and they're like, Katy Perry sang It's a Wonderful Life for four minutes while we were up there. And I was like, I would have committed murder.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jay Moore]

Like, I'm having a panic attack. I'm in a tube going a thousand miles an hour. I'm weightless and I get here and.

[Adam Carolla]

I think to myself, wait a minute, like, didn't she bring a daisy up there, too?

[Jay Moore]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

I would have loved it. I would have loved it if they. If Orlando had gotten his wish and the rocket blew up. And then the. Then the FDA or whoever, NTSA or whatever, who does the crime, whatever. There's too many FTD Florist, initials FTD.

[Jay Moore]

Florist went to get the daisy.

[Adam Carolla]

BLM came in and they were wbls, BFD came in and they were looking at the wreckage and they swear it was a long 7,000 page report. And after six years and reconstructing the entire capsule and found out that the cause of the catastrophic failure was that Katy Perry's Daisy got sucked into an air vent, seized the motor on a recirc pump, the thing overheated, blew off one of the heat shields, and upon reentry, the whole thing blew up.

[Jay Moore]

You're amazing.

[Adam Carolla]

Wouldn't it be Orlando, be like, that is amazing news. Don't stop sucking. Amazing news. Amazing news. The reason you're positioned this way so I can see the tv, babe, but don't stop sucking. All right, that's enough dick talk. I want to thank these guys for coming out here sucking Steph Curry. The great Justin Yara, everybody. Jay Moore.

[Jay Moore]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's go.

[Unknown]

Adam Corolla.

[Adam Carolla]

And until next time. Time. Sam Cora. Say it.

[Jay Moore]

Bahalo.

[Dustin Ybarra]

You can leave us a voicemail at 888-634-1744 and be sure and get tickets to see Adam Corolla live. All the links and all the shows [e-mail].

[Dawson]

This summer, Pluto TV is exploding with thousands of free movies. Summer of cinema is here. Feel the explosive action all summer long with movies like Gladiator, Mission Impossible, Beverly Hills Cop, Good Burger and Transformers. Dark of the Moon. Bring the action with you and stream for free from from all your favorite devices. Pluto TV Stream now pay Never. This summer, Pluto TV is exploding with thousands of free movies. Summer of cinema is here. Feel the explosive action all summer long with movies like Gladiator, Mission Impossible, Beverly Hills Cup, Good Burger and Transformation. Transformers Dark of the Moon. Bring the action with you and stream for free from all your favorite devices. Pluto TV Stream now pay Never.

[Unknown]

Life is a workout and Smoothie King.

[Adam Carolla]

Is here to help you power through.

[Jay Moore]

Whether you're grinding out bicep curls or muscling the couch across the living room.

[Adam Carolla]

Crushing morning miles or sprinting through back.

[Unknown]

To back meetings, Smoothie King has fuel to help you maximize your workouts, own your recovery and elevate your game. Give your body the energy, protein and power it needs with a lineup of delicious smoothies made to help you conquer your goals.

[Jay Moore]

Only at Smoothie King.