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- [00:01]
A
Live from Orlando, the Orlando Funny Bone. It's me, it's Michael Yeoh. Rudy's gonna be doing some news and we'll do all that for you right after this. Hey, this is Adam Carolla from the Adam Carolla Show. If you care about predictions, you care about props. And nobody does props like Betonline. For years we've been the home of legitimate sports betting with deep markets, sharp odds and players. Props that reward real insight from kickoff to final whistle. Betonline gives you live betting, instant updates and in game predictions that move as the action unfolds. Plus elevate your play with BetOnline casino and VIP rewards beta built for serious players, prediction markets. Follow the conversation. Bet online defines it. Bet Online. The game starts here at Pluto tv.
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We're celebrating Black History Month with our free curated collection of black entertainment.
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A
No ifs, ands or buts about catch.
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Award winning films like Dreamgirls, Monster's Ball and Selma.
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We must make a massive demonstration.
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Iconic hits like School Days and Set It Off. Plus full seasons of shows like Tyler Perry's Sister and Power. I got you. It's star studded, brilliant black entertainment and it's all free. It's getting good this month and always on Pluto TV Stream. Now pay never.
- [01:45]
A
From Corolla One studios in Glendale, California, this is the Adam Carolla Show. Adam's guest today, live from Orlando, Michael Yeoh. Plus the news with Rudy Pavich. And now, Adam Corolla. Yeah, get it on, get it on those church. We're gonna mandate you get it on now. We're doing the news. Rudy Pavich is in studio. He's gonna be doing the news with me later on in the second half. We're going live to the Funny Bone in Orlando. Michael Yeoh's up on stage for a while. Rudy pops up as well. We'll do some blah blah, blah, real funny show. So we got that coming. But first, first we're gonna do some news. Good to see you, Rudy.
- [02:29]
C
You too, my friend. Great time in Florida, so excellent run. Yeah. Microsoft co founder Bill Gates said he regrets every minute he ever spent with Jeffrey Epstein. Speaking out after the release of the Epstein files that included mentions of him. He told nine News Australia in an interview posted Wednesday that it was foolish to have spent time with Epstein. It just reminds me every minute I spent with him, I regret and I apologize I did that. He said he Met Epstein in 2011 years ago.
- [02:55]
A
First off, everyone regrets all the fun Stu afterward, like wow, man, we tied one on last night. I regret drinking those 17 beers.
- [03:04]
C
Sorry I put my dick out at the Queen. That was a bad move. But, well, I mean, you know, regret it, you know?
- [03:09]
A
Yeah, regret. Yeah, yeah. The fun. No one ever regret. I stayed up all night. I did a fast, and I hydrated and stayed up all night studying. Like, people don't regret that. You regret the fun, so Everyone regrets fun. I don't know. Is Bill Gates a douche? Like, what's going on with him? Like, what was up with him and Covid and vaccines and all this? Walking around like some sort of expert on all things medicine and everything. Covid and everything wrong. I'm starting to not like that guy is basically what I'm saying.
- [03:43]
C
Yeah, I get you can revolutionize technology, but hey, man, keep some of that stuff to yourself if you're not an expert in it. And then on top of it, the story that came out about him trying to get, like, STD medication for his wife and secretly lace it into her food so that she didn't know he gave her, like, herpes or something. What a wild move to try to pull one on your wife.
- [04:08]
A
You know what's weird? We judge sexuality by its cover. And we look at these guys, we look at these nerdy guys, and we go, oh, come on. But dudes are essentially. It'd be like saying, that dog is ugly. It doesn't want to hump other dogs. Or, that dog's funny. Or that dog's got three legs. It's not interested in sex with other dogs. So it's like, yes, it is.
- [04:37]
C
Yeah.
- [04:38]
A
It just doesn't look like, what, you know, to be a matinee idol, star in a movie or whatever. When you see the Stephen Hawkins of the world, you go, well, he's not interested in pussy. But, yes, he is.
- [04:50]
C
Sure.
- [04:51]
A
Maybe more so than guys. Maybe more so than George Clooney, who's got. He's a heaping helping. Yeah, it's like of it his whole life.
- [05:02]
C
It's like French children and wine. You know, George Clooney got a lot of tang when he was young.
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A
That's right.
- [05:07]
C
So it didn't matter, but Bill Gates probably didn't even touch a boob till he was well into his 20s.
- [05:12]
A
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you'll never really, you know that I can't throw away food. Oh, I'm very well aware. Very well aware. And the reason I can't throw away food is because I grew up in a food desert. Now they talk about neighborhoods being fruit. My home was the desert of food. There was nothing and I was always like, oh, come on, could we get some? And the idea of tossing away a piece of steak or any kind of food to me is unthinkable.
- [05:45]
D
Now.
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A
I'm old and I'm rich, but it doesn't matter. I am right back to an 11 year old in North Hollywood, and the cupboards are bare and I need my food. And I see people who grew up in the fucking horn of plenty, and they're just chucking stuff, like, all day. They don't even care. I fish stuff out of the garbage after people chucked half their sandwich or whatever. So if you take the food analogy and you just bring it over to sex, that would make sense for a Bill Gates.
- [06:18]
C
Sure. Yeah. And it's also the move of dudes. Not a lot of ladies, I feel like, are Sherpa een Indian food all the way back from Tampa, Florida.
- [06:28]
A
No, no. Because women. Women get grossed out, so they go, ooh, gross. Also, I've really not met women who will eat the same food two days in a row, which is like a weird, ugly American thing, you know, because if you're in India, you just eat Indian food. If you're in China, you just eat Chinese food. And every woman I know is pretty much like, oh, we did Chinese last night. We're not doing it two nights in a row. Like, they get a little that way.
- [06:58]
C
Yeah.
- [06:59]
A
Which my thing is I'll eat Chinese food until the Chinese food is gone. And if that's six months, I'll do it. I don't care. But yes. So I can't throw away food and Bill Gates, even though he's rich beyond belief. And this guy, he's still always. I think guys are always perpetually, like, 15 and a half when it comes to sex and attraction and how the opposite sex looks at them and how they feel about the opposite sex. So. Makes sense. But anyway, he regrets spending tons of time with Epstein.
- [07:39]
C
Well, yeah, of course. Yeah, he said that. Here's the thing about it, though, is that they said he had numerous dinners together even after Epstein was convicted of sex crimes and then denied ever having gone to Epstein's private island. But most of these emails are pretty damaged, saying that he definitely spent some sort of time or had some sort of connection to the island.
- [08:00]
A
Mm. Well, in terms of dinner with Epstein, I bet that guy's got some stories.
- [08:07]
C
Sure.
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A
I mean, you could do worse. You could do my mom for dinner, and you just sit there and be like, norma found a new bakery on the west side. They do a poppy muffin oh, John, is it a lemon? No. Oh, yeah. Lemon poppy muffin. It's a poppy muffin that tastes like lemon. It's a lemon poppy. Normal says that they're on off of Fairfax, so if you're ever that way.
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C
Yeah, Chris, I just got done spending time on an island with a bunch of other rich pedophiles, so.
- [08:39]
A
Yeah, they do a zucchini muffin as well. It's a zoo. I mean, it doesn't taste like. It almost tastes like pumpkin bread, but it's zucchini.
- [08:49]
C
Yeah, we were using zucchinis on the island too.
- [08:52]
A
Norma says, oh, I lost my train. John, what was the. What? It's Benish. What's the bakery called? That's literally every conversation I've ever had with my mom. We talk about muffins. Guess who doesn't like muffins. This guy. Yeah, it's the weirdest. It's the weirdest thing to talk about something. First off, it's inert. It's just like, I don't know, you can talk to anyone about muffins, I guess. There's really no hot muffin take. Although they're hot muffins. But anyway, I'm just saying, dinner with Epstein probably be a more interesting conversation than Chris Corolla.
- [09:33]
C
Yeah, absolutely. And going back to the not waste and not freaking out about germs or how old things are. When we were in the green room last night, we had ordered up a little bit of shrimp and rice, and while you were on stage, I grabbed a fork, and I grabbed a big old. Heaping. A big old pile of rice. I shoved it in my mouth, and the nice bouncer who was in the green room goes, ooh, I think that was Adam's fork.
- [09:55]
A
Oh.
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C
I was like. Well, I was like, dude, I'm like that. Trust me, man. We are so far beyond.
- [09:59]
A
I didn't even know whose fork was who. There's just a fork. There's two forks. I interchange with those forks. Yeah, yeah. I got to tell you, Rudy, we left a couple of pieces of kebab meat behind, and I was. Yeah, I was really struggling.
- [10:14]
C
I could see it in you last night. Yeah. Because you said, we ain't leaving them behind. It was last chopper out of Saigon, and they were waving at us. Where you. Where are you boys going?
- [10:23]
A
The whole thing was the layover in Atlanta. I was, okay, I'm gonna take this stuff. I'll put it in the merch bag. We'll do a layover. We're not doing a direct flight And I was just like. You know, what really broke me was we basically got back to. We did a late show. So we got back to the hotel at 1 o' clock and had to be down in the lobby at 4:45. And that's what kind of broke me of the doggy bag. I was like, it's just one more.
- [10:52]
C
There's one more thing we gotta try to remember. Yeah. Yep. And then, you know, the thing about getting that layover too, is, boy, we were both just ha. Anchoring for a Bloody Mary, man. It would have been nice. Why on a Sunday, can you. Especially a Sunday. I get a Tuesday. You don't start serving until 11. Hey, man, you guys are businessmen and women. You guys got to keep it on the straight and narrow. Why is it when I'm traveling and I'm trying to get back to my home on a Sunday, because everyone knows I'm starting the diet Monday. I just want a bloody Marriott. Regardless of what time at an airport.
- [11:20]
A
Yeah. So they have all those places in the South. Okay, can we do this? Because I yelled about it at you, but I really mean this. You travel and you get a version of a sin law depending on where you are on Sunday. This happened in Texas to me a long time ago. This happened to us in Atlanta. We walk into the Centurion Lounge, you can get whatever drink you want for free, but they don't start serving until 11 and it's 8:45 and we're out of there. Whatever, fine. And then you go, well, in Atlanta, they do this. The second you get on the airplane, you can order a drink. So what is the difference between the airplane and the lounge? They're 80ft apart. I mean, in some cases they're 40ft apart. Like the lounge is here and someone's gate is directly in front of the lounge. And you just walk to the gate, get on the plane and order whatever drink you want to order. So is it legal? Is it illegal? Is it immoral? Is it moral? Like, what is going on with the booze? And the answer is, well, in Atlanta on Sunday, they don't serve before 11. All right, but then what about the airplane? Where's the airplane? That's in Atlanta. They go, well, okay, can we just do this? And all the people who travel, it may be 11 in the morning to you in Atlanta, but if you come from Tokyo or Istanbul or you're going there or whatever it is, your clock is all over there. People from all different time zones. So can we just do this? Once you clear security There is no more time. Whatever rules applied on the other side of security, that's what the rules are. But once you clear security, it's just on. And it's universal. When the lounge is open, the bar is open. If the lounge opens at 6am bars open. If it opens at 8 bars open on the other side of security, like once you're on that side of security, then you're in Atlanta. But once you clear it, you're in international fucking waters and it should just all be the same.
- [13:33]
C
And everybody who are in those lounges, you're not going to fly the plane. There's no liability. You're not going to be everybody who's there. You can't go into the lounge with a ticket that has already expired. So nobody, everyone's just going to go get on a plane anyways. Why? Why do I have to sit here and drink coffee at 9am when everybody knows we want a bloody marathon?
- [13:50]
A
Because in Atlanta, blah, blah, blah. And if you're in la, you could get a bloody marriage.
- [13:55]
C
Sure.
- [13:55]
A
And that's the weird part. And whether it's that or getting back to Bill Gates. Age of consent. Can we just go 18? We have decided as a society. 18 to enlist in the military, 21 for alcohol, 18 for cigarettes, 16 to operate a motor vehicle. We just got numbers. Yeah, let's just, just bring it to the airport, that's all. Let's not have a different set everywhere you go.
- [14:23]
D
Yeah.
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A
Global age of consent.
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C
For nearly two months, Mayor Karen Bass has repeatedly denied that she was involved in altering an after action report on the Palisades fire to downplay failures by the city and the Los Angeles Fire Department. But two sources with knowledge of Bass's office said that after receiving an early draft, the Mayor told then Interim Fire Chief Ronnie Villanueva and that the report could expose the city to legal liabilities for those failures. Bass wanted key findings about the LA Fire Department's actions removed or softened before the report was made public.
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A
Oh, what a shame. Yeah. Oh, you know, it's so important that we get more women of color in positions of power. Cuz it'll heal and fix all this stuff.
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C
Of course.
- [15:08]
A
Okay, here's the whole thing. You know, it's a weird discussion and Gavin Newsom does it and Karen Bass does it and everyone does it. Where they go, these people work tirelessly. Blah, blah, blah, blah. The fucking city burned to the ground. So I don't know, like, are you lying? Are you incompetent, stupid or liar? Like, whatever it is, there was no water coming out of the fire hydrants. Aqueducts were empty. You guys didn't deploy anybody. The fire started a week earlier. You called the guys off it. You fucked up royally. And everything burned to the ground. And now you wanna get into an argument over what the report says. It's basically like saying your team just lost 48 to nothing and now we're gonna go over the playbook and it's like, however you wanna dissect this, you guys got fucking murdered. You guys let the place burn to the ground. If you watch a doc and the name escapes me, but, I mean, most of the burning happened the next day. Like, there was no firemen anyway. You guys are process people that are incompetent. I don't know how else to say this. They're like ceremonial. So what I mean is. They're kind of two kinds of people. They're the sort of get it done people, which is kind of the Rick Caruso and Donald Trump, because he's a commercial builder. They're both builders, they're both developers. So they're both like, here we go, what's the plan? Here we go, what's the plan? And then there's like ceremonial people who just wanna ride on the float in the gay parade and wave to everybody. I mean, here's how you know who these people are. Like now. Now, I'm not a ceremonial person. It doesn't sound enticing to me. So during the fires, so we had two candidates for mayor. One is named Rick Caruso, the other's named Karen Bass. Karen bass won because LA's filled with pretentious fucking retarded people who wanted the first black female mayor. So they voted for her. Okay? She's a ceremonial person. So while the fires were going on, she was in Ghana and she was attending a ceremony because that's her idea of being mayor. If anyone has ever done a business with a woman who wasn't really that into the work part of the business, but like the cocktail part of the business. And you have to underwrite the whole fucking thing while they lose money, which I have done with my ex wife, you find out they don't like the early mornings and they don't like the fucking work part. They like the cocktail party ceremonial. They like the ceremonial part of it. So the one person who was running for mayor who won, Karen Bass, was in Ghana. Now what the fuck does Ghana have to do with Los Angeles? Well, nothing. But she's a ceremonial person. So she was there. The other guy, Rick Caruso, was spraying fire retardant on the roof of his building in the middle of Palisade, which is the only place that didn't burn down. Because he's not a ceremonial person, he's a builder, he's a get it done person. He's a hit the ground running kind of guy. We elect these ceremonial retards who run all the cities and they're great. You got Mayor Fry in Minneapolis, you have Waltz, you have all these Gavin Newsom. They like presiding over things and waving flags and attending groundbreakings for like AIDS hospices and shit. But they don't like work, they don't like nuts and bolts shit. And you can kind of fake your way through a city and a mayor just having someone just sort of be a seat warmer, just sort of sit there. But eventually shit like fires come about and homeless shit comes about and crime comes about and now we're there, la's there. Like we need someone who does stuff and they're not interested in doing stuff. They want ceremony. That's the whole thing. Nithya Raman, the retard who blames Toyota for the catalytic converter theft, she's now gonna run for mayor. She wants to go down to Hyperion in the gay part of town and pull down the no U turn sign and then pose with a bunch of he. She's. That's her idea of governing. That's not my idea of governing. I want aqueducts fixed and shit coming out of fire hydrants. So they are these people. And then when the, when the city burns to the ground, they have to come up with reasons why it wasn't their fault. So the only time you really see them burning calories is to escape blame, which is now you have. And they can't go to. You know, she's avoiding pressers and stuff like that cuz she doesn't have answers because she fucked up. The city burnt to the ground. She was in Ghana. And all the shit that could have saved the city they didn't do. They didn't manage anything. But she's a ceremonial person, she's not a work person. I know these people, they like hanging around, they like going to cocktail parties and they like the idea of being the mayor, but they don't like the part where it's like, oh, there's a problem with this sewage treatment facility and you know, down at Huntington beach we gotta do something like that. The nuts and bolts part of life is like work and it's kind of boring and it's not exciting and it's not great cocktail party conversations. And it's a little dirty and no one gives a fuck, but that's the part. That's the important part. So she just wants to be there for the gay pride parade, and so does Gavin Newsom, but they don't actually want to do anything. And then they have to figure out a way. Karen Bass, your city burnt to the ground. And you got to figure out a way to explain to everyone you did everything right. Which to me is like, all right, well, then you gotta go. Because if this is what you got, I mean, I had. That's where don't do your best. Do my best came from. Because I had a guy, something up royally over here a million years ago, and he's going, hey, I did my best. I was like, if that's your best, then you're gone. You can't. Yeah, you should say you were drunk.
- [21:35]
C
Yeah.
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A
Not, I did my best.
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C
Yeah.
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A
So either she fucked up or she didn't fuck up. Either way, she's got to go because the city's burnt to the ground. And then Gavin Newsom has to have photo ops in front of shipping containers with guys with reflective vests and hard hats on behind him explaining how great this bullet train is going, except for there is no bullet train and he's done nothing. And it's way over budget and it's billions in the hole. So he has to figure out, how do you do this?
- [22:05]
C
Sure.
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A
You know, like, how do you go, We've wasted billions on a bullet train. We have no track laid. It's been 15 years. We got nothing. And how does Karen Bass talk her way around a city that burns to the ground? Well, that's what they do now. They're ceremonial people. So they're going to work on this. She's fucking incompetent. And fuck all you with your DI Bullshit. You fuck this country up so badly with that. We're going to get Kamala Harris. Kamala Harris, a fucking idiot. Everyone is so enthralled with it. By the way, it's so racist to go like, we're gonna have the first black. Yeah, sure, she's incompetent.
- [22:41]
C
Who cares?
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A
We'll have the first black. Whatever.
- [22:44]
C
It's all the optics. All you gotta do is hang out on one movie set one time, and you will definitely find out the people who are all, red carpet, no movie making. You'll find out all the people that just want the award. They don't wanna learn the script. They don't wanna learn how to do lighting. They don't wanna learn how to. They don't. They don't want any of that. They don't wanna work. All they want is just the trophy at the end.
- [23:06]
A
I was shooting a movie once. My movie, one of my movies. And there was this guy who will remain nameless, but he liked the idea of being a producer. But he didn't do anything, and he didn't write anything, and he didn't do anything. Right. And I remember at some point we're setting up a shot and someone said the porta Potty in the background. There was a porta potty we had is in the shot. And then at some point, everyone sort of looked around and went, we gotta move that porta potty out of the shot. And this fucking guy who did nothing just stood there and watched while me and the other guy who wrote the movie moved the porta potty because he wasn't doing jack shit.
- [23:47]
C
Yeah.
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A
And just showing up at the. At the premiere. And yes, there's a lot of that business. You don't know how much money I fucking wasted on business with this kind of bullshit.
- [23:59]
D
Yeah.
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A
So anyway, yeah, yeah, Karen Bass is ceremonial, but she doesn't want to be a mayor. She want to do the boring shit. And I think it's all right. Sorry, but I think it's more of a chick thing. So if you said to many guys I know, do you want to go to Ghana and be part of a ceremony? They'd go, I don't want to do that. And also they'd say, I'm the mayor of Los Angeles. What the fuck does that have to do with going to Ghana? And doing. It also sounds like a pretty far way to travel and who's paying for it and stuff like that. That doesn't sound attractive to most dudes, but chicks do, like the cocktail party and the ceremony and the parade. I mean, what the fuck is Nithya Rahman doing over there? Going down to Silver Lake with a bunch of he she's and doing photo ops. Like pulling signs off. Like that would sound so unappealing to Rick Caruso. Rick Caruso would go, first off, leave the sign up. But secondly, if you're gonna take it off, just go fucking dispatch some guy from the DWP or something to go take it off. I'm not gonna go stand there with a bunch of Elvira, mistress of the night. Take a fucking. Do a whole ceremonial bullshit thing in the middle of the week, the middle of the day. And also people are gonna make fun of me. I'm not getting anything done. We got a homeless problem.
- [25:15]
C
Think of how many times you've gotten a text message from your daughter, your wife, your girlfriend, whatever it is, and they go, hey, by the way, put a little scratch in the car, not a big deal, nothing to worry about. And then you show up and you're like, you ripped the whole fucking quarter panel off the car. What are you talking about? So when you hear stuff like this, obviously it's a much bigger deal than what she was trying to make it.
- [25:35]
A
All right, well, she's incompetent and hopefully she'll go and fuck all you people with the first. Just start getting competent people in these positions, please. All right, what else?
- [25:44]
C
A 22 year old woman who identified as a boy in her teen years, won a $2 million decision in a landmark lawsuit against New York doctors accused of pushing a double mastectomy on when she was a minor.
- [25:56]
A
Oh, good. See, I hate to say it, but now the AMA is coming out against these kind of surgeries. People have to get sued. And then they stop. Everyone is all in on this shit. I mean, AMA and JAMA and all these publications, they all fucking knew this was the right thing to do. And then someone got sued and they all slowed the roll. And I hate it. I hate the litigious part of our society. I hate that they have to sue the ladies from the View or whatever, but it shuts them the fuck up. Like, they stop lying fast, 60 minutes, they just cook stuff, doctor stuff, and just lie in their left leaning organization. And then they get sued and they stop. So good, now they're all backing off magically. We live in a society where somebody decided men were women and women were men, and men could be women and women could be men. And if, if anyone dared raise their hand and go, I think I disagree with that. You were shunned. Are we fucking batshit crazy? That was like 10 minutes ago.
- [27:05]
C
Yeah.
- [27:06]
A
People are being attacked and fired and docked just for saying, I'm not down with this. I don't want teenagers to be mutilated under a surgeon's knife because they have a mental disorder. Just the fact that somebody even suggested that got their career destroyed. Do you understand how fucking nuts everyone is?
- [27:26]
C
Yeah. And the fact that there are two people that went along with this. They. She got approval at 16 years old, got approval from a psychologist and a surgeon, both whom a jury found liable for medical malpractice.
- [27:37]
A
Well, what they do really well is they go, would you like a dead son or live daughter, whatever it is. Is their thing. And they go, there's some report. There is no report. There is no stat. All your fucking shit. They throw shit out. They go, like, you know, these illegal aliens commit way less crime than the average and way less murder and way less. And contribute more to. They actually pay more. And you go, really? Yeah. You're just pulling that out of your ass. That's your fantasy. That's not what's happening. And by the way, how could tons of people coming here illegally and getting on welfare, how could it be in using Medicaid and everything? How could they contribute more than someone who's just here and paid taxes and wasn't on all that shit? Do the fucking math. So they don't do any crime and they contribute more and they just make shit up. So they just go. They did this thing where they went, well, the reason you have to transition your daughter into becoming your son is because if you don't, they're going to kill themselves. But that's. That wasn't data. They made that shit up. And they kept saying. And then they go, so what do you want? You want the dead son or the dead daughter or the live son? And then you go, oh, well, I don't want a dead kid. And they go, all right, well, let's transition. That's all made up shit. Sure, they made up all the COVID shit. Like, what's going on? And then what the fuck's wrong with everyone? Why is anyone questioning anything? They just made shit up. And he went, oh, okay. So men can be women, and women can be men, right? And these weird gauzy paper masks work even when they're around your chin. Uh huh. And illegals come here, but they contribute more and don't create any crime. Uh huh. Like it's all a lie. And we just had to go along with it. And if we didn't, we'd get yelled at or called a bigot or closed mind or something. The whole transition thing, like the whole, the whole pronouns and everything. Understand, I was talking to Drew about this, and Drew always brings it up because he was in Newark Airport when I brought it up to him. But I said, the Pope went along with this. And I was like, drew, do you realize we took. If you think about it, think about tall orders, just think about this for a second. Or you go, look, here's what we gotta do. Let's just go back 7 years or 11 years or whatever it is. And I go, listen, Rudy, I got a plan. We gotta get everyone in society to Agree on this. And I don't mean just your friends. I mean the Pope, I mean the government. I mean Gavin Newsom. I mean the mayors of big cities and the governors of big states. Now, here's what we gotta do. And then you go, we gotta convince them that creamy peanut butter is better than crunchy. Oh, no, it's a much taller. It's a much taller order than that. What? We gotta convince them that tater tots are better than hash browns? No, we have to convince them that men can be women and women can be men and women, 14 year old girls can be 14 year old boys, and that it's fluid. And there's these things called pronouns. And even if I'm a he and my name's them, I can be a her or it or them. And it's got to be universal and it's got to be accepted. And we got to get to the point. If anyone questions it, you'll be fired from your job and you won't get reelected. Now, that's our plan. And the Pope's got to be down with this, too. That sounds impossible.
- [31:24]
C
Sure.
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A
10 years ago.
- [31:25]
C
Yeah, it's the.
- [31:27]
A
It's the tallest of all orders.
- [31:29]
C
Yeah.
- [31:29]
A
Getting people to use, you know, smoke Camels instead of. Of Marlboros is one thing. Or to drive a Chevy truck instead of a Ford truck, like, maybe we could do that. But this. Convince everyone to sign off that men can be women and women can be men, and it's going to be universal. Yes. That's what we're gonna do. And they fucking did it.
- [31:54]
C
Yeah. They do it through fear.
- [31:56]
A
I know. And the thing that was funny is when I was talking to Drew about it, he goes, they made everyone believe. And I said, oh, no, it was worse than that. Nobody believed it. They were scared and went along with it, which is even worse. You don't even like smooth peanut butter. You're just too scared to say you don't and don't wanna be thrown out of your club, your church, or your social, so you just say it. That's Stalin shit. And they fucking did it. So, by the way, when they think they can do something like, you know, hands up, don't shoot, or Gentle Giant, or inject bleach, or good people on both sides. What? I would think they could do it too. There's nothing they can't do. They got average Americans to be scared to say, a man can be a man and a woman can be a woman.
- [32:46]
B
Yeah.
- [32:46]
A
That means they can fucking pull anything off.
- [32:49]
C
Sure.
- [32:49]
A
And Fuck y' all for going along with it. And you just got duped by Covid. You got fuck with all this stuff because you're so scared, but you're mainly your narcissist, you know what I mean? Because it's not a popularity contest. You have to just say, you're fucking wrong. I'm not going down with this. And then people go, all right, well, no, you're not going to be popular and you're going to be shunned. Yeah, okay. Yeah, you gotta suck it up every once in a while. Yeah, pull your pants up, you pussies, and stop worrying about everything. Yeah, I ruined a whole brunch at a vacation in Hawaii because I took a very unpopular opinion with a table of nine and I was fucking right. So fuck, I told her to fuck off.
- [33:29]
C
Yeah, fucking house browns are better than Tater Tots.
- [33:31]
A
Ruin it was leaf blowers. But anyway. Ruin a whole fucking brunch in front of friends because I told you fuck off. I. What do you want me to do? Just admit. Would you like me to tell you you're right when you're wrong? So I'm outnumbered.
- [33:46]
C
Yeah.
- [33:47]
A
So is Copernicus or whoever. Absolutely. They're all outnumbered. All the fucking greats are outnumbered. That's how it works. Yeah, Fucking speak up, pussies. You all got steamrolled. Knock it off, dude.
- [33:58]
C
On three hours sleep, man. I love when you get fired up.
- [34:01]
A
I'm fucking fired up. Yeah.
- [34:02]
C
All right. One more and then we get out of here. The Algerian boxer who dominated women's boxing at the Paris Olympics admitted to both having a gene only present in males and to taking hormone treatments to lower his testosterone.
- [34:15]
A
This is another one everyone was scared to say.
- [34:18]
C
Absolutely God damn lutely, I'm an A. I'm an E. Kalief, whatever it is. 26 year old who made headlines for competing as a woman despite failing multiple gender tests told a French outlet Wednesday that he had sry sex dominating region wide, a gene that determines male sex.
- [34:39]
A
Well, he or she looks like a dude number one when they see him. And then number two, the Italian chick, got punched in the face. It was like, I've never been punched that hard in my life. So whoever somebody tweeted this to me, I said, give the gold to Evander Holyfield, who got fucked out of the Olympics, by the way, on a late knockout. So, all right, we'll just chalk this up under everything we've been right about every time. And everyone who's been wrong about this or Covid or gender neutrality or anything. Joe Biden or Hunter Biden's laptop. How about you just sit one out? Just sit one out. Why don't you sit the whole Minnesota thing out?
- [35:22]
C
Sure.
- [35:23]
A
How about just sit this ice one out? You've been wrong about everything. Just sit one out.
- [35:28]
C
Yeah. Yeah. I don't get into it my family anymore and basically I told them a couple weeks ago, hey, I want to be done having these conversations with you because I think in two and a half years you guys are going to be on to something new and we're never going to talk about this ever again. And then we would have spent the last six months being pissed off at each other. So let's just stop.
- [35:46]
A
All right? Now we're going to go live up on stage at Orlando. Funny Bone. Michael yo, bringing the heat. I'm up there. Rudy pops in too. And we'll do that right after this. Huel well, January went so fast, huh? Already a month into the new year. That doesn't mean it's time to wimp out on your goals. Huel is a perfect solution for high protein routine support for busy days. I'm on the road a lot. I guess you heard me talking about that. I'm running a business so I don't have time for complicated crap. I'll grab their ready to drink and get my day started quickly. It's got 35 grams of protein and 27 essential vitamins plus minerals. If I have a little more time, I'll grab their black edition powders and make a quick shake. So if you're busy, if you're a go getter, make protein simple and grab Huel. H U E L Right Dawson Limited Time offer Get Huell today with our exclusive offer of 15% off online with our code Adam15@huell.com Adam15 new customers only. Thank you to Huell for partnering and supporting our show. Homes.com Some might say homes.com is the best home shopping site. It may be homes.com super comprehensive and transparent agent directory. Or Maybe it's that homes.com is the only site that always directly connects you with the listing agent who knows the home the best. Perhaps it's because homes.com has the most in depth neighborhood content of any home shopping site that's extensively researched to highlight the personality of each neighborhood. Homes.com goes above and beyond to bring home shoppers the in depth info they need to find the right home. Right now, homes.com that is homes.com we've done your homework. All right. Thanks for coming out to the live podcast. Yeah, we'll bring Michael Yeoh out. Rudy will come out at some point as well. First, just some local observations. Been hearing a lot about iguanas falling out of trees, which I'm from North Hollywood, California, so that's. You know, we have junkies falling out of trees sometimes. I cracked a windshield that way once. But we don't really have iguanas falling from trees, so it's kind of weird. I was reading about it today, but I don't know exactly what protocol is. They want you to gather up the iguanas and then you take them somewhere and then they get euthanized, but so they're not dead. So you just throw them in the back of the SUV and hope they don't wake up on the way to the iguana. Because I would feel dubious about that. Like, I just feel like I don't want an iguana waking up in my car being agitated, not knowing where. The iguana doesn't know where it is. So they fall out, they stun themselves, but they don't die. And then you take them and you drop them off at the iguana drop off point. You go to the fire station, by the way. What can't you drop off at a fire station? There's gotta be some Floridian. It's like, look, I got three iguanas and two kids. So you. Yeah. Could I have some chili, by the way, while I'm waiting?
- [39:39]
C
No.
- [39:39]
A
Can I get in on that foosball game? Yeah, so you can process. Process the iguanas first. The kids can wait. You drive out kids in iguanas at a fire station in Florida. Not too shabby. So they fall off and. And I guess they're. I think. I think the point is, is they're not indigenous or something that got brought here. But I don't know who brought them here because they said I was reading about it in a. In a cigar shop today in Ybor. Ibor. Ybor. Sorry, sorry. I went to Ybor. I went to a cigar shop. I got some Cuban coffee. Yeah, it's good, but just because you put the word Cuban in front of shit doesn't make it good.
- [40:26]
D
These are.
- [40:26]
A
These are Cuban cigars. This is Cuban. This is Cuban, ladies. You like Cuban pussy, right? I don't know. I want to smell like a cigar. Yeah, I don't know. But I was sitting there drinking my Cuban coffee, reading about iguanas, and I read that they just kind of blew over here on driftwood or something. I Didn't know the full story, but I don't know. They're. So, they're. They're not from here, right? And then they. They do damage, right? They're, they're, they're, they're, they're. Yeah, I was thinking. Yeah, so they're like Somalis, right? I mean, a certain. I mean, their own. Well, they're not from here. And then they come here and then they. You know. You know what I'm saying? I was. I was at the. I was at the airport when I landed yesterday. I landed. I've never had this happen. I was just sitting at the baggage claim waiting to get picked up, and all of a sudden I see all these, like, plainclothes cops gathering around, and then I see the dog, the, you know, the drug sniffing dog. And then there's this black fella sitting like four seats over, like, right next to me. And all of a sudden the dog's pulling and the cops are there. And I'm kind of just like looking around going, what's going on? So this guy, I don't know if he was packing weed or he was just smoking weed, but he smelled like weed. And the dog, who's a. Who's a drug sniffing dog, caught on to this guy and everyone convened on this dude. And so the. The thing I noticed about the dog, the dog was going nuts. And I was looking at the dog and the dog had a boner, which I. Look, I'm not a weirdo, but you cannot avert your gaze when a dog gets a boner. I don't. It doesn't make you a fucking weirdo. Although you could be a weirdo. I'm not. But I'm sitting there, boner height, like I'm German shepherd, boner height, sitting on that chair, and this fucking dog is like, going nuts and his dick keeps coming out, and I'm like, I hope this fucking leash doesn't bust, because there's gonna be a lawsuit when that dog humps the bejesus out of that black fella. But I said to the guy, go, and of course, the dog handler guy was a big fan, you know, so he had to come talk to me, and I had to take a picture with his dog and all that. I did. I even wrote it down. I wrote the kind of dog it was. It was a see dog boner. It's a. It's a Belgian, right? But it's a German shepherd, right? Malinois is a Belgian word meaning boner. It's a Belgian malinois. Melamore. Melonois. Okay, your highness, sorry. Sacre bleu. I got a fucking one guy in Florida speaks French. There's one guy, he's fucking here. Gotta correct me on my pronunciations. It looked like a German shepherd with a boner to me. And I, the guy, I was like, wow, he smells, this guy, he goes, oh, he can smell weed from 400 yards. I'm like, jesus Christ. And I go, wow, he's got a good sniffer. He's like, this is the best drug sniffing dog in all of Florida. And I'm like, well, you're his handler. You have to fucking say, you know, I, you have to love your dog. That's awesome. But the guy, the guy gave me the challenge coin and we took a picture with the dog. And then it was funny because the, the black guy claimed he was being profiled because he was black. And then the dog trainer yelled to the guy, the dog's colorblind. It was really not something I wanted to be a part of. I got up at 5:15 that morning and took a flight to Tampa to do a show that night. I just waiting for an Uber. I didn't want to get involved with the fucking movie Heat or whatever.
- [44:48]
D
But.
- [44:48]
A
This guy's getting turned into a racial thing. My guy's yelling back, the dog's colorblind. I don't know, maybe the dog. I don't know if the dog's colorblind or not, but I think when he smells weed, probably has an idea of not dealing with a Jew perhaps. I had something happen to me last night, which was crazy. I was. And this has never happened before and it's embarrassing, I have to admit, but I was doing a show at the Funny Bone in Ybor last night and you know, Rudy gets out and he does his 20 minutes and it's cute, you know, and then, but then we're gonna do the real comedy, you know, coming up with me. I'm just saying that because he's in the room, but I'm. No, no, the way it works is, you know, Rudy does 20 minutes. He does 20 minutes. It's not 21 minutes, it's not 19 minutes. He does like 20 minutes. So I'll sit up in the green room and I'll kind of look at my, look at my phone. I'll go, all right, we're a minute, you know, 18 now, and I'll start coming downstairs. And so you just stand kind wings and you know it's going to bring you out in a second. And I'm wearing new blue jeans, which I haven't worn before. And I'm just standing back there and I just feel something. And I look down and there's a big piss spot on my. Right here. Just right here on my blue jeans. And this place has fucking lights. Like, oh, you're just gonna stand here with your piss spot for the whole. And so then I'm trying to do this math, which I'm trying to get the shirt low and the pants high, which just creates a horrible look, and still you can see the piss spot. And then I do the feeble attempt of the napkin, you know what I mean? But that's not. That's not gonna work. And so I wore black pants this time because I'm worried about the piss spot. Because when I take a piss now, it's. Something happens. You guys over 50, you take that piss and you fucking flog it, man. It just. And then it drops down, and that's when the piss spot happens. And, you know, I started thinking about, you know, there should be at bathrooms, they have that hand blower thing. There should be a crotch blower for the dudes over 50. And I don't, by the way, I'd swipe my fucking credit card. $80 seems steep, but I'll do it. What else did I write down? Oh, the iguanas. I saw a video where the guy said, you can make tacos out of the iguana meat. Yeah, I know you guys with the iguanas and the gators. What the fuck won't you eat out here? Yeah. Guy watched a whole YouTube video on a guy making tacos out of his iguana. Also, you'll be happy to know that when I was in the cigar shop in Ybor looking up iguanas and, like, I was enjoying myself, I had a cup of Cuban coffee, and it was a cigar shop where people were smoking cigars. Because in la, you get arrested for smoking a cigar, even in a cigar shop, because we got rules. Unless you're homeless, in which case you can shoot fentanyl and shit at the same time. And nobody. No problem. No problem with the government for that. But if you do smoke a cigar in a cigar store, that's. That's a problem. Because no one could anticipate cigar smoke in a cigar shop. But I was sitting there on my, like, my. My club chair, drinking my coffee, reading about iguanas and enjoying myself, and the music was being piped in, and I heard the song Man Eater come on, and I was like, what fucking year Is this. And why can't I escape this place? I cannot escape, man eater. It's every fucking where I go. It's a piece of shit song. It should have never been fucking made in the first place. And now it's followed me to Ybor, to a cigar shop. I'm trying to concentrate on iguanas. And now I got this. Whoa, here she comes. It's going on. All right, let's see. We're going to bring yo out in a second. Let's see. Oh, by the way, I'm staying at a bad hotel. The reason I know I don't, I just stay. Whatever. It's got the word airport or roof in it. I'm like, fine, let's do it. I don't give a fuck. I grew up on a service porch sleeping on a prison mattress. I don't care. But you know, you're at a good hotel when you're waiting to get just checked in. I was waiting to get on the elevator and a dude with a case of Budweiser was just standing there like that. Dude, the case of Budweiser with the cooler with the wheels. I'm like, all right, this is fucking first class accommodations. Oh, let's see, what else did I write down here? Oh, I had this. I had this thought. Let's see, Tampa Airport, dog bad. I make. I make my notes as I go along. Oh, you'll be. This is the second club. Listen, tip everyone well. But clubs, I don't wear a watch, and I should. But most all clubs have a clock so you can see how long you've been up on stage. This is the second club I've been to in my life, but only two, where I asked, do you have a clock? And they said, no. And I said, why don't you have a clock? And they said, it broke. Now that would be good if it happened this afternoon, but this was several months ago and I feel like a clock is pretty replaceable. And then I always give this answer. I go, I know I had a car in high school. And then it fucking broke. So I'm just kind of trucking everywhere now. I'm thumbing. What are you gonna do? All right, we should bring Michael Yeoh up here and get this show started. Right? Do you agree? Let's bring the great Michael Yeoh up on stage. Oh, yeah, I guess. Pull up a. Pull up a stool for yourself. Yeah, yeah, do that. Michael. Yo.
- [51:46]
D
Hello. Hello. I just want to say, Orlando, you're amazing and I have a great hotel I'm staying At, so. Oh, man, it's so nice. They really put me up. Nice.
- [51:56]
A
Really?
- [51:57]
D
Oh, man. Yeah, that's great.
- [51:58]
A
They have, like.
- [51:59]
D
It's. It's called the Rosen Shelton something.
- [52:07]
A
Yeah. And it's better, so.
- [52:09]
D
Oh, no, it's not better. It's great.
- [52:13]
A
So you're saying the guy's bringing up like, 12 packs of Heineken versus Bud?
- [52:19]
D
No, they're not bringing up nothing. They're bringing up stacks of money. That's what they bring up. It's a nice place.
- [52:26]
A
I don't know. I. So you tell me how you guys are, which is, I will spend tons of money on almost anything, but there's shit that I always feel too poor to indulge in. And one of them is, like, the mini bar. Oh, yeah, the mini bar. Because it's like, you know, $13 for a bottle of Jagermeister. That's an ounce and a half. Right.
- [52:51]
D
$9 for a bottle of water.
- [52:52]
A
I was like, right, right, right. I totally hydrate that back. Right, right. But. But the point is, is I spend thousands of dollars on shit I don't even know about every month. But I. I will not spend it on that.
- [53:05]
D
But that's called an X Y. That's what. Yeah, that's what you.
- [53:11]
A
Yeah, it's a good point. It's also. It's so weird. It's so weird when you grow up super poor and then you get rich and then you get divorced, Right? Because when you get divorced, you have conversations with opposing counsel, and they're like, listen, the kids are going to need a stipend to live off of every month. They're like, how much? $19,000. $19,000?
- [53:40]
D
Oh, my God, Jim.
- [53:41]
A
Carolla did not spend $1900. And I'm including food and adjusted shelter. Me and my sister fucking combined.
- [53:54]
D
He didn't spend $19 on yellow.
- [53:57]
A
No. Well, I mean, how much are three pairs of Tuftskins over the course of seven years? I think he might have cracked 20. But I mean, it's. Holy shit. Like, how much do these fucking kids need? And then the answer in California with divorce is they'll need whatever it is you make. Which is weird because. Wait a minute, I didn't. How's that work?
- [54:20]
D
Yeah, you should have been poor. You should have stayed poor. That's what it is.
- [54:23]
A
Yeah, you're right.
- [54:24]
D
You need to stay poor when you're married.
- [54:26]
A
It's always funny because Dr. Drew would always tell me that his dad. His dad was. His dad was super cheap, but his dad was a doctor, so like they had money, but they acted cheap, you know, and. And so Drew, Dr. Drew's dad would always say, him say, you're driving me to the poor house. Which was, I miss those kind of old idioms, you know, you're driving me to the poor house. And he'd go, Drew would say to him, when I first met him, he goes, did your dad ever say, you're threatening to drive him to the poor house? I go, no, no, we lived in the poor house. We're already there.
- [55:03]
D
They were driving them to your house.
- [55:04]
A
Yeah, they're gonna drop nine year old Dr. Drew. Hey, young Drew, welcome to the poor house. Would you like some hose water and some generic saltines? Are you good here? Pull up a piece of burlap. That's a nice cover. Go to sleep.
- [55:21]
D
Starfish, tuna cans all over. Yeah, but I'm cheap too. I'm very cheap. I can't spend money. I got a little money. Not like your money, but I got money. But I buy, I'm Gap. I buy Gap, I buy Old Navy. Like I got a Rolex on, but it's fake. And my wife is like, why do you tell everybody it's a fake Rolex? I go, because I just like the way it looks and I don't care. It could say anything on it. And plus, I don't want to get robbed. So I let everybody know it's fake.
- [55:49]
A
By the way, I hope your wife never gets a boob job because the first time you go to a party, you shut your mouth. Shut your mouth at the fake tits. Fucking fake watch. That's fine. That's your business. Leave my tits out of this.
- [56:00]
D
They can't. There's no such things as fake boobs, Adam.
- [56:05]
A
You're right, you're right. They're all. Yeah, I knew. Here's, here's. Here's a story of how I knew I grew up poor. I invited a friend of mine who was rich guy. I mean, he wasn't even grow up rich, but he did, he did good for himself. And he came in from New York and we were working on the man show and have a place to stay. He's going to stay with me at my house for a while. When I had a house up in the hills, it was my first house. I made money doing Loveline radio and stuff like that. So Loveline. So I said, I'll set you up on the. I had a fold out sofa and I set him up on the fold out sofa and we went to bed his first night and he literally Knocked on my bedroom door and he's like, hey, could I get a. Can I get a sheet? And I go, no. I go, what do you mean? I put a sheet down there on top of the mattress. He goes, no, no, an upper sheet. I go, what do you mean two sheets? Yeah, an upper sheet. I go, what do you do with a fucking upper sheet? What is that, pita bread over here? Who uses an upper sheet? I thought it was the most incredible thing I've ever heard. And his name is Daniel. I started calling him Danny Two Sheets. And so I went. We went to the man show office the following day and I was like, hey, get a load of Danny 2 sheets. And everyone's like, what are you talking about? I go, he wanted a second sheet on top of him. And they were like, yeah, that's what people do. I was like, what? No, this is like finding out people don't pee in the sink. Like, come on, really bro, you're six three. Come on now get the fuck out of here.
- [57:55]
D
Have you ever peed in the sink at a public restroom?
- [58:00]
A
Did you use the restroom in the green room? No, only on airplanes.
- [58:06]
D
Oh no, you're disgusting.
- [58:10]
A
But in fact, the slope on the toilet side is so steep I gotta lean over like an iron closet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You short folks think you got it made. But try flying coach. You fly coach or first class? What do you got?
- [58:27]
D
I fly. I always book coach.
- [58:29]
A
Uh huh. And then try to upgrade.
- [58:31]
D
Then they upgrade because I fly, so you know, we fly so much, so I always book coach. I'll never book first or. But I booked coach, but then I get bumped up.
- [58:39]
A
Oh really?
- [58:40]
D
Yeah. But let me tell you how I knew I didn't have a lot of money growing up is because my friend asked me for ketchup and I said, it's in the drawer. Yeah, just nothing but ketchup packs from McDonald's.
- [58:55]
A
Yeah, that's all it was. Yeah, yeah, the ketchup pack. The ketchup pack works out. The soy sauce is a disaster because the soy sauce is always you trying to rip it and then it just goes full bukhey like all over, like, oh man, why don't wear my white ruffled pirate shirt of all days? It's just, I can't. Can anyone get that thing open? Can anyone devise a thing? Can't we. What if we. What if we put it. I know, but I don't want to go for the scissors. I got, I got. What? Could we put that in the little creamer packet? The little Creamer cup. Put the soy sauce. Put the goddamn soy sauce in the creamer cup. I like it that we live in large. Instead of biting, instead of eating on it.
- [59:44]
D
I like that idea.
- [59:45]
A
Is there. Is there such a thing as doing it with your hands? And by the way, I don't like the fact that I'm at the age where I'll pull out a bag of chips, and then you pull. You get that fucking bag of chips. You're like, I'm not biting it. Because when I bite it and pull it, it goes right down the side and the whole thing spills out, bites a bag of chips. Well, I try to do the upper body. I tried to do the upper body where I grab on it like, ah. Like, I'm like one of those Christian strong men trying to get the phone book apart, you know? Like, God damn it. But it's a fucking bag of Doritos, I'm telling you. I don't got enough upper body anymore, bro. You guys have struggled with the bag, have you not?
- [60:27]
D
I love three people. Like, yeah.
- [60:32]
A
Okay. All right. Pour in the drawer. Poor. What else did you do? Did you do powdered milk?
- [60:40]
D
No, we weren't that poor.
- [60:41]
A
Yeah, that's bad. That's poor and downtrodden. Like, there's not. Not all of poor. It's not. Some of. It's a mindset. It's not about the bank account. You know what I mean? Like, I had poor, broken parents. No, we. I didn't even like milk. So we didn't. We didn't have milk. We had. Apple juice is probably the shittiest thing you can put in a baba.
- [61:05]
D
Yeah.
- [61:05]
A
As I. As I recall, I told my mom.
- [61:07]
D
I had Kool Aid.
- [61:09]
A
Kool Aid. Oh, that was. That was the black side. Of course it was Kool Aid.
- [61:12]
C
Yeah.
- [61:12]
A
The Asian side did not have.
- [61:14]
D
My dad. My dad would sing the song, he'd.
- [61:16]
A
Be like, kool Aid. Kool Aid. Real great. You like Kool Aid and great. That's what he. I sung that once, and then Kool Aid burst right through the wall, took out the side of the house. And my mom. That mom told me to shut up. Yeah.
- [61:31]
D
Just say it was diabetes, like, in water. That's all. Yeah, diabetes in water.
- [61:36]
A
I know. We had a lot of horrible stuff to mix up. There was. There was Tang. Oh, Tang. There was a Kool Aid. There was high C, which was sort of the nice version of. Better version of Kool Aid. Right. They had the.
- [61:52]
D
You didn't mix. But the Capri Suns.
- [61:53]
A
Capri never Punch. No, two hands, bro. Trying to rip that thing open. Yeah, the Capri sun pouch, which was always a little homoerotic, especially how you held it at the bottom there, you know, just sucking it off this. Oh, man, this horchata flavor is awesome. And then if you need it more, you would squeeze it. Really working. Come on, baby. Come on. Bring it home to daddy.
- [62:24]
D
Squirts in your mouth. It's crazy.
- [62:26]
A
Yeah. Did you have anything good? You have, like, space sticks or granola bars.
- [62:33]
D
What's a space stick?
- [62:35]
A
Okay, so what you got? You're too young, Michael. But we went nuts with the moon shot at one point in this country's history. Like, we were obsessed with everything. Apollo and everything. Moon and everything. Beat the Russians and all. All that kind of. All that kind of stuff. And then I, of course, I found out from Joe Rogan we never landed on the moon. But. So I was pretty devastated. But no, we. We went nuts. So what. What we did is we had this sort of like, rocket moon, Apollo fever, you know what I mean? And so every product was some sort of connection to space. Sticks were what they ate, by the way. No one ever verified if they tangled. Like, there's only four astronauts on the planet in 1972.
- [63:23]
D
Was that the spaceship?
- [63:24]
A
Yeah, they were like, yeah. They're like, well, they're gonna. They're gonna eat. They're gonna drink Tang and eat space bars up there. And every sticks or whatever it is, they go, good enough. You know, and so it didn't really matter. Like, you could go to Denny's and get eggs, and if you didn't finish them, your mom would go, you know, the astronauts took those eggs to the moon. He'd go, okay, fuck it, I'll eat it then. So everything. And they had dehydrated shit and powder shit. But it was all sort of Moon Apollo oriented.
- [63:52]
D
So that's what you ate, right?
- [63:54]
A
So what we did. What we do is, in our society is we get super enamored with trends, and then they bleed into everything else. Like, we got into rockets, right? And so everything was, like, space and rockety in the 70s, and then. Sorry, in the 60s. And then when we got to the 70s, we got into turbos. Like, they had to be turbo. Every sticker on a car is turbo. And then at some point, we got into stealth. Everything that. It was like stealth cologne and stealth jerky and stealth cars and stuff. We just. We just did it. Now I think it's transsexual. I think that's our thing now. Like, I Got a Trans Am car, you know. Yeah, but that's. We're living in the trans era now. That's. That there's just eras we. We live in. We went from stealth to turbo to stealth to rocket to trans. Yeah, usually it'll. Well, don't believe they name the cars after everything's got, like, everything.
- [64:53]
D
The Trans Am was in the 70s.
- [64:55]
A
They were ahead of their time. That's why Burt Reynolds chose that car for the movie. I don't know if you did that. Yeah, it was called Trans and the Bandit originally. No balls in the Bandit, I think is what you got your ears on. Bandit. Yeah, you got your dick gone. Okay. Yeah. So you brought up was your dad was an Engineer.
- [65:21]
D
He's a PhD in nuclear physics.
- [65:23]
A
Oh, la dee da.
- [65:25]
D
Yeah, I mean, we weren't poor long, you know. I mean, we started, but then he got a job, and then at Exxon. He worked for Exxon.
- [65:35]
A
Huh. So I thought, oh, oh, raping the land. That's right. My dad worked with special needs kids. Engineered it. Yeah. No, yeah, yeah.
- [65:45]
D
He just was smart enough.
- [65:46]
A
Yeah, like. Like one of the architects of the Holocaust. He didn't actually turn the oven on. He just designed it. That's all. No, I get. I get what you're saying.
- [65:55]
D
Hey, he's innocent. He's innocent.
- [65:57]
A
Oh, yeah, sure, sure. Yeah. He's in Brazil right now hiding out from Simon Wiesenthal. All right. It's a deep cut there.
- [66:05]
D
I didn't. I didn't. I didn't know, like, Exxon was a com. I thought the gas station. So, like, I came up. That's, you know, when the parents come up and tell you what they do. So I introduced my dad. Hey, my dad works at the gas pump at Exxon, right?
- [66:22]
A
No, I said that about my dad, too, but I was upgrading him. It's like, dad, I'm gonna help you out here.
- [66:29]
D
We're gonna make you look good today.
- [66:31]
A
Sharp there. Put this rag in your back pocket. Shut up.
- [66:35]
D
Put grease on your face.
- [66:37]
A
Just ask them if they want some blue chip stamps. Do that. Do you guys remember those trading stamps? That was some poor person shit right there. Did you avoid those? Sk. Whatever. Snh. Did you avoid green stamps? Oh, dear, dear naive Michael. Wait, you said. You said blue stamps and green stamps. All right, so they. All right. Okay. All right. So this is how it worked. If you went to the supermarket and bought, you know, two bags of groceries, you got 20 stamps, right? And if you went to the gas station, like, filled up, you got like 10 stamps or something like that. And then eventually you'd fill a shoebox. Remember when you couldn't throw away a shoebox? We had to keep that shoebox because that was. You would store in the shoebox. You put them in the shoebox. And then eventually you'd get the. You'd get the, the books and you'd have to lick them all and stick them in the books and the books, and then you get the catalog.
- [67:43]
D
That's a lot of work.
- [67:44]
A
I know, I know, but the catalog. But when you're poor, you got to. Oh, it's a lot. Everything's a lot of work.
- [67:50]
D
Only poor people did this.
- [67:52]
A
Yo. I'm. I'm hoping, I would hope affluent folks didn't engage in that. They just buy a pup tent or sleeping bag themselves. Then what would happen is, is you'd fill up this, these books and then you'd open the catalog and you'd be like, oh, only 22 books. And we could get a kayak. For some reason, it was always outdoor shit. Right? Like, like I lived in North Hollywood. We had a VW square back that couldn't make it more than four feet from the house without vapor lock. And we're looking up camping stoves. You know what I mean? Like, for some reason it was like. It was like Marboro miles. Everything was like outdoor everything. Right. Okay. Meanwhile, you're just sitting at home in your apartment chain smoking. But anyway, so then you'd fill up a bunch of these books and then.
- [68:44]
D
Personal problems are coming out.
- [68:45]
A
Oh, yeah, no, this is a grievance session. I'm sorry. You paid good money for this. You don't deserve this. And then you, you'd go, and then I would. You'd have to argue with your sister. Oh. Because your sister wanted something from the other side of the catalog and you wanted this thing from that side of the catalog. And you only had 11 books filled up. And that was enough to get packets of ketchup. That's all we would get. Yeah, for your drawer. Right, For a drawer. Right.
- [69:16]
D
So then you would mail these packets in.
- [69:19]
A
You'd go into the center, I think, and like Van Nuys, California, they had a big place. And you'd go in there like a Costco type place.
- [69:27]
D
It was just a bunch of poor people in this center collect, like.
- [69:30]
A
Yeah, yeah, it was. It was one of the greatest gatherings of losers in the San Fernando Valley. And then you'd show up and get like a one person pup tent. But you never went camping. And you trade all your stupid books in. And then you'd start the cycle again by getting more gas and more groceries and more stamps. And I have no idea what this racket even was like. I don't know who underwrote this. Maybe it was a governmental project to find out who the losers were.
- [70:01]
D
And they got them all on camera in that one center. They were like, here they are.
- [70:05]
A
Oh, here come the Corollas again. Look at those losers. Yeah, by the way, you're on welfare. What do you need a fucking kayak for? Send in the feds. Nobody on food stamps needs a pup tent and a camping stove, you know? Yeah, I did. We did the. Anyone do the food stamp thing? Oh, yeah, up front here. Good. Still better. Fantastic.
- [70:30]
D
Well, you've moved up now your front row.
- [70:32]
A
Thank you very much. Look at you two. Drink minimum. Yeah. No catalog. He just had to go in. We, we. Oh, you got dishes.
- [70:45]
C
Smart.
- [70:45]
A
We got. We were doing the food stamp thing and we had a. We had a stray cat and we tried to buy cat food and the lady behind the counter is like, no cat food, losers. People food.
- [70:59]
D
People food.
- [71:00]
A
The only people food. And I was like, well, what if we were going to eat the cat food? My mom says we can get by on a ten pound sack of fucking Purina a lot longer than we can on eggs, you know?
- [71:13]
D
That's smart.
- [71:14]
A
Yeah, Smart business. Smart, business. Smart, son. Eat some of the cat food. Show the nice lady. Oh, by the way, eat some of those cigarettes too. You know the game. All right. What time is it here, Michael? But they don't have a clock.
- [71:33]
D
Oh, yeah, it broke. It broke all right. Yeah, it's 8:05,805.
- [71:38]
A
My fake Rolex and the PM. Oh, I do want to tell you about your fake Rolex. I did.
- [71:45]
D
You noticed it wasn't real?
- [71:46]
A
No, no, no, I don't. I know. I figure, no, what kind of only losers would. I mean, not you, Mike, but here. No, here's my point. I. The only thing I remember from like the four classes I ever took at junior college at La Valley College when I was 19, the only thing I remember is a psychiatrist. Psychologist, I think. Psychology class. Right. And the professor, by the way, are they professors? Fucking juco. Come on now. So the point is, I was sitting there and he was talking about a fake Rolex and he said, but how would you feel if you had a fake Rolex and you're jogging through the park and you got rolled because someone stole your Rolex? And I thought, yeah, the joke would be on you. And ever since then I was like, you know what? I'm gonna not buy a fake Rolex and I'm just gonna take all my Rolex money and give it to my ex wife and then I'll off of cat food.
- [72:52]
D
Then somebody will jump her. See.
- [72:54]
A
Yeah, she can buy a Rolex. Yeah, that's right.
- [72:57]
D
No, I'm kidding.
- [72:58]
A
Yeah. No, don't jump her, O'Reilly. Love myself some O'Reilly auto parts. Yeah, they're in the business of keeping your car on the road. They offer friendly, helpful service and all the knowledge you need. If you can't figure out your car, and sometimes I can't figure out my car, I'll have some issues. They're my first call. They have thousands of parts in stock and can test your battery for free. Need wipers, brake lights or a quick fix. They'll get you the right part right away. Everyone who works there is knowledgeable and friendly. The professional parts people, O'Reilly, are your one stop shop for DIY auto stuff. So if you're an enthusiast like I am and you like working on your own stuff like I do, then you must go down to O'Reilly Auto Parts. You can do it. Go down the store or you can visit them online. It's O'Reilly, right, Dawson? Stop by O'Reilly Auto Parts today or visit them@o'reillyauto.com Adam. That's O'Reillyauto.com Adam.
- [74:06]
B
At Pluto TV we're celebrating Black History Month with our free curated collection of black entertainment. No ifs, ands or buts about catch award winning films like Dreamgirls, Monster's Ball and Selma.
- [74:18]
A
We must make a massive demonstration.
- [74:21]
B
Iconic hits like School Days and Set It Off. Plus full seasons of shows like Tyler Perry's Sisters and Power.
- [74:28]
A
I got you it.
- [74:29]
B
Star studded brilliant black entertainment and it's all free. It's getting good this month and always on Pluto TV stream. Now pay never.
- [74:38]
A
All right, do we have a Rudy back there somewhere? Because we're talking about Rudy playing a little blah blah blah up here and now. Now here's how blah blah blah works, people. These are actual blogs from actual celebrities and we have to try to figure out who the celebrity is and attach it's multiple choice. You can all play along as well. But we will try to figure out which celebrity said what and only Rudy knows. Is that, is that correct?
- [75:13]
D
Yeah.
- [75:14]
C
Got it in front of me. They're just firing up the.
- [75:16]
A
They're gonna fire up the projector. I miss things having to warm up cars. Yeah, yeah, they Used to. Used to. Have to.
- [75:26]
D
No more foreplay.
- [75:27]
A
No, no, no. But right into it. I know, I know it's bad. I think foreplay is kind of the key to life. But we don't want to do it. Well, it turns out all the shit you don't want to do. Broccoli push ups and eating pussy are all the keys to happiness. I'm talking about. This is at the same time. I'm not talking about breaking this. These are different parts of the day. This is all at once.
- [75:54]
D
So you get a lot of stuff stuck between your teeth.
- [76:01]
A
You can floss with that thong back m. Yeah. All right, so we'll wait. All right, so this going to heat up? Maybe I'll try to get out of the way here.
- [76:09]
D
Heat up.
- [76:10]
A
Well, no, my tv. Remember when you turn your TV on and there's a lot of. Is it on? You'd have to list my tv. Make a humming like a buzz, like someone go, yeah, I had a. I had up tubes. I had a. I had a black and white Zenith 13 inch in my fucking mom's house. Now, by the way, lest you think we, you know, I grew up in 1872. When you're poor, you're just like 25 years behind the technological curve. You know what I mean? So your car, it's the early 80s, but your car's from 67, you know, your TV is from 20 years ago. The phone is bolted to the wall. You know, all that shit, whatever people are enjoying now, you know, you got another decade or two before you get around to it. And we had a 13 inch black and white Zenith that was actually deeper than it was wide.
- [77:08]
D
Yes, for the picture.
- [77:10]
A
Yeah. It was 13 across, like 44 deep. It is crazy. You know what? If you just do the ratio, do this ratio in life. My son grew up with a TV in his bedroom that was like 55 inches wide and 3/4 thick. Think about the ratio. 13 versus 40, 55 versus a waif model. And then just think about like my son. I think about. It's like sometimes I go home, I've probably covered several hundred miles pushing cars. If you added up all the car pushing I've done and all the yelling into the window, drop the clutch, drop the clutch. It's this fucking second gear. You're in fourth. All the bumps starting, and then here's another one my kid will never know. I have circled the globe driving a car with my hand out the window, holding onto something. Yes, a fucking box, mattresses, a futon, piece of plywood. Right.
- [78:17]
C
Your opener.
- [78:17]
A
My opener, Rudy. I don't want him smelling up the cab.
- [78:24]
C
So.
- [78:25]
A
I rode a motorcycle. I rode a motorcycle when I started construction. I would, I would take my bags, my construction bags, and I would pre, pre belt them and I would sling them over my head like a retarded bandolero. And I'd be riding my Honda 404 with these bags around my neck. I did a job once, I. All I have is a motorcycle. And when I was done like on a Friday, and like the foreman goes, I got a buddy and he's out in Sun Valley. And you know, you want to make 50 bucks, you can. His, his mailbox is screwed up. Like he just wants you to reset the post in his mailbox. And I'm like, yeah, okay, yeah, I'll come out Saturday. I'm riding my motorcycle with a 60 pound sack of concrete on the fucking tank. On the tank of the motorcycle. Trying to fucking balance this thing with my bags around my, my neck. So, yeah, yeah, rode it in the rain. Bald tire. That was all good. It was. Oh, God. Shit. My son will never do. And by the way, if I ever regale him with any of these horror stories, he just goes, yeah, all right, pops. Anyway, you're blocking my 70 inch TV set, so take your ass over there and watch.
- [79:39]
D
The only thing I wish kids today had to go through is the fear of calling a, like a girl on the phone and her parents pick up, right?
- [79:48]
A
They don't get to experience. They need that. Yeah, that man. Yeah.
- [79:52]
D
Oh, I was so scared.
- [79:54]
A
Oh, kids, okay. I was scared shitless of everyone more than three years older than me. That's how it went. And you're my parents, friends, my, my, my friend's parents. I was scared shitless of all of them, all the time. Like Mr. Vendig. First off, I don't know what everyone's first name was. We didn't know Mr. Vendek, he's coming home from works in a bad mood. Like, stay out of the kitchen.
- [80:19]
D
I didn't even know my parents names till I turned 19 years old. It was crazy. It was dad and mom TILL I was 19. I was like, I.
- [80:28]
A
Okay, so what? So I was scared to death of every. I was. By the way, I was hit by two parents of my friends. Two separate hit, like hit, you struck. Oh, yeah, that's.
- [80:43]
D
Yeah, good for you.
- [80:44]
A
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [80:45]
D
They could do that back then.
- [80:46]
A
I was. We need to bring that back. Are you kidding? I apologize for them hitting me. To them and like Roberta Messicks One of them was a woman and she felt bad. She just whacked me. And then she was like a nice woman or something. And she's like, I gotta. I gotta tell your mom. I was like, don't fucking say a word, bitch. We'll take this shit to our grave. Both of us will take this shit to our grave, both of us, right now. Forget about suing her. If I fucking hit one of my kids friends, they'd fucking lawyer up. I'd get served papers the next day. My kids friends. Sometimes I would just walk. I'd come home from work and they'd be standing on top of the sofa eating a hamburger. I'd be like, what the the are you doing? Hey, Mr. C. Wanna bite like crazy? I swear to God. I came home one day, my daughter's friend comes by and roller skates through the middle, through the middle of the house, just trucking down the hardwood, just right, just. Hey, Mr. C. Boom. Slides right past me, roller skating inside of my house.
- [81:56]
D
Did you. Did you say something?
- [81:57]
A
I clotheslined the bitch. Good, good, good, good, good, good. One full rollerball. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I gave her the skinny mini Miller right over the rail.
- [82:06]
D
Like, you can't let that slide out of.
- [82:08]
A
No, no. I said set an example. Set an example. Cover the Jack Lambert. Just fucking full forearm Night train lane. Like, full full shiver. Forearm shiver.
- [82:18]
D
There you go. That's what you need to do.
- [82:20]
A
Deep cut. With my night train lane, we had.
- [82:22]
C
A kid named Derek in our neighborhood. His dad was named Mark. And Mark was always the dude with the sleeveless T shirt and the marbles, like out of his T tops Camaro. And I was at. At their yard one day and I jumped on the top of there. Remember those swing sets that had the slide on the side?
- [82:37]
D
Sure.
- [82:37]
C
I jumped on the top and I folded the ladder that went up and it snapped it, right? And he came out and yelled, how would you like it if I did it to your goddamn slide? And then we all laughed and we ran away and we came back to the house and no shit. He went to my yard and smashed our slide. Jesus Christ, what a time we lived in that motherfucker Mark. I think about that slide all the time.
- [82:58]
A
He took retribution out on your slide.
- [83:01]
C
Went back and smashed it. And then when I came back, I was like, what happened? My stepdad's like, well, don't fuck with Mark slide. And that was it. And that was the end of the slides. No more slides in the neighborhood.
- [83:11]
D
And that was great.
- [83:12]
A
Paris was so cool. What other Parents power. Yeah, that was great. Oh, yeah. But also there's something that struck me is like when you were young, you didn't know what drunk was. So I think half this shit dudes were up. Like when he went, that's a drunken movie.
- [83:29]
C
Lights.
- [83:30]
A
No one does that totally sober. That 11 year old in this slide, you know, these poor kids with their slides. Chaps my hide, man.
- [83:40]
C
Now that you mentioned.
- [83:41]
A
Drunken move.
- [83:42]
C
Now that you mentioned it, Mark did live alone in a trailer.
- [83:45]
A
So yes, this was very. We didn't know what drunk was. I, my, my best friend Chris's dad's name was Rick. And I remember he'd probably been doing some day drinking, but you know, when you're 10, you don't know drunk is, you know. And I was, I was like laying on the floor watching tv when you lay on the floor and watch us over at his house. And he came up and he called me, he would call me Ad man, right? Ad Man. He comes in, he goes, man, he gets on the sofa, he puts his feet on my back and lets a huge fart go. I'm like, okay, Rick. And I didn't think much of it. He was drunk, right? That's a fucking you. You only do that when you're drunk, right?
- [84:26]
C
Why does your pink eye smell like whiskey? It's weird.
- [84:29]
D
Now, did you move Adam, or did you just stay there?
- [84:32]
A
No, I took it like a man. It was funny. Now I knew. I knew Rick, Rick probably drank a lot because Rick, later on, Chris, was my roommate.
- [84:48]
D
We.
- [84:48]
A
We moved out. We lived in a one bedroom apartment with three dudes, right? And at some point Chris came up to me and he goes, hey, listen, Chris is like 20 at the time now. Rick's like 50. And he goes, my, my dad, can he crash on the sofa for a few weeks? He's fucking 50. I go, yeah, but I don't, I don't get it. Why doesn't he have an apartment? He goes, well, his lease is up on the first, and then he's going into prison on the 17th, so, yeah, so he needs a couple, you know. Yeah, we need to gap this a little bit. And I'm like, yeah, it wouldn't make sense to pay for a whole month of an apartment. Yeah, you got to be incarcerated on the 17th. But I was like, wait a minute. Even they came for Don Lemon. Why didn't they come for Rick? You know what I mean? Like, I was like, you just check yourself into prison? Evidently I didn't ask a ton of questions, you know, But He. He showed up with his box with his shoes in it, Clamato bottle, which was his cold water bottle, because people had a cold water bottle. We had to fucking take the bottle, fill it in the sink, and then put it in the fridge. That was Rick's cold water bottle.
- [86:01]
C
Yeah. The guy we used to roll with, his dad was one of those dudes that couch surfed as well. And then one night, he wanted to go out and have a couple of drinks with the boys, and we went down to Canterbury park, which is like where they got dog racing and stuff in Minnesota. And while we were there, he started to cry. He was. He's like a man in, like, his mid-50s. He started to cry. He's like, I don't know what happened in my life, boys. I just don't want you guys to turn out like me. And then he goes, I'm not shitting you. He said, I just don't get it, man. There's no woman that ever wants to date me. I don't understand why. And he took his shirt and brought it up to his nose and went, I just don't get it, man. I was like, dude, I think we figured it out, Dave.
- [86:39]
A
Rick. Rick was able to get some major heart surgery done in prison. So, you know, on the taxpayers.
- [86:46]
C
Yeah, of course. Yeah.
- [86:48]
A
Put the bill for it. So it kind of worked out for Rick. And did you ever find out what Rick did? Yeah, Rick ran a transmission repair shop. He had a transmission repair shop in Hollywood. Things went south. They were pretty good. Like, he had a couple of good years for a while where he had a truck with a drawing of a transmission on it. So for me, it was like King Midas, you know, wow, that guy's got a truck with a drawing on it. And he had a couple. He had a couple of dirt bikes. And so when everyone. Everyone says to me, like, hey, did you ever go skiing? I go. I went skiing once. With who? Jeff Buck. Okay. You ever go water skiing? Yeah. That was with Nate Wittenberg. Yeah. Who'd you go? Dirt bike ride. Well, that was with Rick Bomb. Like, I. I had my friends that. That did. But the problem was Chris the son. Rick was a big, scary dude, and I think he would go out and just do a hard night of drinking and then just pass out in his bed. Right. And so what would happen was, is he was all talk when he was sober, you know, and so he'd go, hey, boys, tomorrow morning we're going to Aquadosa Canyon. We're going to be out of here at 6am or go a whole day of dirt bike riding. I loaded up the truck. Trucks loaded, we're going out 6aM 6am and so I'd go, okay, so I'd go sleep over at Chris's house. 6am would come and go, 7am would come and Go. Nine would come and go, you know, and I'd go, can you go wake your dad up so we can go riding? You know, I've been up since 5:45, you know, waiting for this. And Chris was like, I, I can't. Like he's. So he's passed out. Right, right. So he can't go up there and kick him in the ass and tell him to get his button here, you know, so. So at somewhere around 10:30 he would make him a cup of coffee and he'd like walk in there and just set it on the nightstand, you know, and be like, okay, dad, you know. And then at some point at like 2 o', clock, we'd be heading to Aqua Dosie Canyon. But it was a three hour drive and it got dark at 5:30, you know, so it's like, turn it right back around. We get the bikes unloaded, Rick, and go load it up. The moon's out. No, this guy, I mean, this is the kind of guy, he smoked a cigarette but through one of those filter tip things, you know what I mean? And he was also like a maniac, you know, rode the motorcycle with no helmet, just wraparound sunglasses. And I was like sitting back at base camp and he'd come pulling up on his, you know, Honda 250XR, whatever, this hair slick back and his Tiparillo, you know, and he'd kind of go, get on AD Man. And I'd go, come on, I'd fucking jump on the back. And he's riding through the desert. I got no helmet on him, scared shitless.
- [89:35]
D
Yeah, now your legs are on his shoulder.
- [89:37]
A
That's right. I let a good silent but deadly go. Thank God he had the wind going the right direction. All right, Rudy, what do we got?
- [89:46]
C
Let's do it, huh?
- [89:47]
A
Yeah, let's do it.
- [89:48]
C
Fire this up.
- [89:51]
A
It's time for blah, blah, blah, the game. We're. We match the celebrity with their online rant. Let's play. All right, let's see. I'll try to give you guys a little room so you can see some of this stuff.
- [90:07]
C
Here we go.
- [90:07]
A
Move around. All right.
- [90:08]
C
It's clear that the far right in this country that they have not accepted the results of the Civil War. And that they have longed for a rematch. Was it Don Lemon, Whoopi Goldberg, or Chicago Mayor Brandon Johnson?
- [90:24]
A
See, let's see. Whoopi Goldberg. Yeah, here's the whole thing. The hyperbole part of modern day politics, I feel like, is a problem. And here's what I'm saying. I don't think you win people over with gross exaggeration. You know what I mean? Like, if you go, look, I don't like the way this is going on and I think we need corrections and it could be fixed and there's a better way to do it, and that's fine. But like, when you go, these jack booted thugs are showing up, kicking open doors, looking for people look different than them, and then disappearing them to sweatshops in Honduras with no, no. Cause I'm like, that's like a little much, you know what I mean? Like, you got to reel it in a little. Like, we're not looking for a second civil war. I don't even know how you'd start that one. I guess you'd have to bring back slavery. Hey, but then you didn't say now. Yeah, but I do want to say, this may sound controversial, but they. Somebody, I was reading a tweet that said they want to bring back slavery, and I don't want to bring back slavery, but if it does come back, I got dibs on Jamie Foxx. That fucking guy's dynamite. Yeah, he's dynamite.
- [91:46]
C
You saw Django Unchained?
- [91:48]
D
The best entertainer in Hollywood.
- [91:51]
A
Oh, I wouldn't fucking work him out in the garden or anything.
- [91:54]
D
I just entertain you.
- [91:55]
A
Yeah, I'd be like, yeah, I'd be. Every time I threw a party, I'd be like, listen, you're gonna be fucking Ray Charles this entire fucking party. Now, I rented that piano. Now sit down and play for these white people. Do it. It's fine. We got air conditioning. You'll be fed. Well, have some space sticks and some Tang, you know what I mean? Like, I'm not gonna fucking put him out in the hot sun. I'm not an asshole. Just do the Ray Charles. That's all I need.
- [92:19]
D
Half of me is so conflicted about this right now.
- [92:24]
A
All right, so who do you think? Do you think it's Don Lemon? You think it's Whoopi? You think it's Mayor Johnson?
- [92:34]
C
I know the answers, Michael.
- [92:35]
A
You gotta get one.
- [92:37]
D
I don't watch politics, so I have no idea.
- [92:40]
C
Well, you got.
- [92:40]
A
I know, but you got it. You got a 34% chance.
- [92:43]
D
What was the question?
- [92:44]
C
Question that statement. Yeah, the statement was, it's clear that the far right in this country that they have not accepted the results of the Civil War and that they have longed for a rematch. Was it Don Lemon, Whoopy Goldberg or Chicago Mayor Brandon Johnson?
- [92:55]
D
I would go with the guy. I don't know. The Chicago dude.
- [92:58]
A
All right, you go with Chicago guy. The audience seems to know something.
- [93:02]
C
Aceman.
- [93:04]
A
I'm just looking at this guy who basically looks like a slave master. Joe Scarborough. That's not bad. Joe's a good looking guy. No. Well, he does. He looks like Gay Joe's go. But that's not a put down. Don Lemon's great. He's gay. He looks so good. You know what I mean? He's got the fountain of youth on his head every night, you know? Whoa, talk about a special shower head he has. Showerhead. Okay, no comment. All right, no comment.
- [93:44]
C
Come on.
- [93:44]
A
Let everyone see you. That's not a bad thing. It means Gay Joe Scarborough. I can't be the first person to bring that up. I am.
- [93:56]
D
Look at that.
- [93:57]
A
Sad. Yeah, I've been watching you since you were a Republican. You'll go with Don Lamont. All right, all right. This is not audience participation event.
- [94:17]
D
I thought he was gonna come up here and make out with you for a second, Adam. I was like, he said he would, he would.
- [94:23]
A
No, no. All right, all right. No, I know. I tell everyone I'm not gay, too. It's easier on my kids.
- [94:31]
C
Yeah, tell that to the bed we're sharing tonight. Carolla.
- [94:35]
A
That's right. That's right. No better. Look, I've had better openers, but never a better spooner than Rudy.
- [94:44]
C
Very gentle, Michael.
- [94:45]
A
Tell you the same. He'll tell you the same.
- [94:47]
C
Absolutely.
- [94:47]
A
I'm going. Brandon Johnson.
- [94:48]
C
Brandon Johnson. All right. The blog belongs to Chicago Mayor Brandon Johnson.
- [94:57]
A
All right, now, no audience help. In case you guys know this with your smartphones and your smart asses.
- [95:05]
C
All right, second one. Music makes me high. Was it Joe Walsh, Ted NuGent, or Paul McCartney?
- [95:14]
A
Boy, we went from the. We went from the frying pan right into the white honky fire there, didn't we? All right, music. Joe Walsh is funny. You know Joe Walsh?
- [95:27]
D
I know. You know. I know that dude.
- [95:30]
C
Dude.
- [95:30]
D
But I don't know these two dudes.
- [95:31]
A
All right, There's a bear. Hey, no, no.
- [95:36]
C
We listen to Fred Bear on the road. Don't these people. You're a big fan of the nude. Come on.
- [95:43]
A
Yeah, okay, there's a little. He was in a band. Yeah, there's A little. Yeah.
- [95:48]
C
Hanson.
- [95:53]
A
Under. Under the radar indie band called the E. Eagles.
- [95:56]
D
Oh, I've heard of them. Eagles.
- [96:01]
A
Yeah. Yep. That one hit, and they were just kind of gone. They were like that. They're. I think they're opening for that take on Me band. I think that's what I heard. They did the one hit in 74 and then never heard a word. That's right. That's right. All right, so that Joe Walsh is that guy.
- [96:20]
D
Okay.
- [96:20]
A
I also in a band called the James Gang, but let's not bore you with that. And then there's Ted Nugent. And then there's this guy, used to be in a band, too.
- [96:28]
D
I know him.
- [96:29]
A
Yeah, that's called Wheels. Oh, yeah.
- [96:34]
D
The Beatles. This guy, Nugent.
- [96:36]
A
That's Ted Nugent.
- [96:37]
D
Was he in a band?
- [96:38]
A
Yeah, well, he was. He was. It was in a band called Damn Yankees, another band before he was Ted Nugent, and he had a great song that I don't think you could do anymore was called Stranglehold.
- [96:50]
D
Oh, okay.
- [96:52]
A
Because he. He had to sit down and go, like, I got you in a stranglehold, baby. Like, you guys know the lyrics to Stranglehold? It is a hate crime. Yeah, P. Did he read the lyrics? And went. Well. Okay, now you've crossed the line. I won't go there. No, I'm sorry. I may pee on bitches on occasion, but I would never. No, I would never do this song. Yeah. Find. Who can find Stranglehold. Who?
- [97:19]
C
Who?
- [97:20]
A
Does your computer work up here?
- [97:22]
C
We can't do it.
- [97:23]
A
I don't have a smartphone.
- [97:24]
C
I'll throw it on. If you.
- [97:25]
A
If you listen to the lyrics of Stranglehold, it's like. It's what? It's. It's. It's the way we used to roll. You know what I mean? Like strangling people.
- [97:35]
C
Yeah.
- [97:36]
A
Oh, yeah. Well, just women. Come on.
- [97:38]
C
It's one of the best intro guitar intros.
- [97:40]
A
Oh, it's a great. Yeah, it's a great. I mean, they got it in the booth. Booth. Do you got. You got Strike.
- [97:45]
C
They can't do it because we're recording. They might be able to.
- [97:47]
A
I don't know, but I can do it. Well, Michael, you just do it. That's right.
- [97:58]
C
I'll move it over a little bit so we can get to some of the lyrics.
- [98:01]
A
Yeah, just read them. I don't. I don't. I don't want to hear them. I. Just tell them. If you've got them, just tell them because they're better. If you read if you read them.
- [98:08]
C
Yeah, me. See here.
- [98:09]
A
Hang on. Or I can just have Michael do it from memory. Was he in that Hotel California bed?
- [98:23]
D
This is very educational for me tonight.
- [98:25]
A
I.
- [98:25]
D
Like.
- [98:25]
A
I know. I know you had the Michael Jackson outfit growing up. I know where you were at. I know you did. The biggest mistake you ever made was telling me that. Yeah, no, I did.
- [98:34]
D
I had the beaded jacket. I had the parachute. I did it all, man.
- [98:37]
A
I got. My dad got me a beaded jacket, too. I said, dad, could I have a leather jacket? He went, beat it. Once you let Rick Bohm fart on you for a while, son.
- [98:47]
C
Here I come again now, baby Like a dog in heat you tell me by the clamor now, baby I like to tear up the streets now I've been smoking for so long, you know I'm here to stay Got you in a stranglehold, Baby, you best get out of the way. All right, I'm looking. I'm trying to find some. It doesn't seem that bad. That seems pretty terrible.
- [99:07]
A
Break your face and then.
- [99:08]
C
Okay, this is actually the second lyric. I totally tore your up with my boot. That I hit you in the face. I strangled you out. I can see the life of your eyes as they dim. I am. What? It's.
- [99:21]
A
No, it's the.
- [99:23]
C
What do you mean? This is exactly what it says.
- [99:25]
A
No, get the breaker face.
- [99:27]
C
Okay. Yeah. Okay.
- [99:29]
D
Adam didn't know it was that bad. He was like, whoa.
- [99:32]
C
Oh, wait a minute. Hang on. There is a lyric. This is the real lyric. Okay. You ran that night that you left me. You put me in my place. I got you in a stranglehold, baby and then I crushed your face.
- [99:44]
A
Ted Nugent, everybody. And by the way, if you interview Ted Nugent, which I have, he will happily tell you he's never taken a drink of alcohol.
- [99:54]
D
Yeah, that's sober.
- [99:56]
A
He wrote that sober. He went out bow hunting and came back and wrote this. Could you imagine if he did drink? If Ted Nugent ever drank tequila, could you imagine? We would be fucked.
- [100:07]
C
Yeah. Sometimes you're gonna get higher and sometimes you gotta start low. Some people think they're gonna die someday. I got news. You never got to go, that one wasn't that bad. These weren't as bad as I thought.
- [100:23]
A
He got her in a strangle and.
- [100:25]
C
Then crushed your face. Well, just one lyric. All right.
- [100:27]
A
All right.
- [100:28]
C
Yeah.
- [100:28]
A
All right, all right. So, okay, who wrote the. Who wrote that?
- [100:33]
D
Wait a minute.
- [100:33]
A
What was the question?
- [100:36]
C
Music makes me hide. Joe Walsh, ted Nugent, Paul McCartney.
- [100:40]
A
Okay. All right. You want me to go?
- [100:42]
D
I'll say. I mean, he looks hot guy.
- [100:46]
A
Joe Walsh. Joe Walsh, yeah. All right. I'm gonna say the Motor City Madman. Who is Ted Nugent? And the reason I'm gonna say that is because he will tell you he doesn't drink or do any drugs, but music makes him high.
- [101:02]
C
Ah.
- [101:03]
A
And. And I think his band was the Amboy Dukes before that.
- [101:07]
C
Yeah.
- [101:07]
A
All right.
- [101:08]
C
Joe Walsh looks like Bruce Willis threw him off a building in Die Hard.
- [101:12]
A
He's got that. Yeah.
- [101:13]
D
Oh, yeah, yeah.
- [101:14]
C
He's got that. That.
- [101:17]
A
Yeah.
- [101:17]
C
Nakatomi Plaza.
- [101:19]
A
Yeah.
- [101:19]
C
Okay. All right. The blog belongs to Sweaty Uncle Teddy.
- [101:26]
A
All right. I'm a two zero. You're one and one, right? One and one. One and one. What's your fake Rolex say?
- [101:34]
D
8:34.
- [101:36]
A
All right.
- [101:36]
D
Or three.
- [101:37]
C
Okay.
- [101:37]
A
8:33.
- [101:38]
C
Couple more. All right, here we go.
- [101:39]
D
It's one of them.
- [101:41]
C
How about since Trump dislikes Minnesota so bad, let's join Canada? Instead of Canada becoming the 51st state and lose their health care, I'd like to see Minnesota become Canadians because it's obvious Donald Trump doesn't want us. Was it Jesse the Body Ventura, Al Franken, or Lindsey Vaughn?
- [102:02]
A
Oh, Lindsey Vonn. Lindsey Vaughn is skiing in the Olympics.
- [102:09]
C
Tore ACL and three days later said, I'm still competing. That's a Minnesotan. That's a hardy Minnesotan.
- [102:15]
D
Yeah. Think it's Lindsey Vaughn.
- [102:16]
A
You don't think it's Lindsay?
- [102:18]
D
Yeah.
- [102:19]
A
Too political.
- [102:20]
D
Yeah.
- [102:21]
A
Jesse. Jesse Ventura is great.
- [102:24]
D
Wait, he was the governor?
- [102:25]
A
Yeah, he was a governor. Yeah. And then he got off the grid. Yeah. He went to, like, Mexico or.
- [102:30]
C
Yeah, I went to Mexico, grew some weed. That's about it.
- [102:33]
D
I'm gonna say, Jesse, there is a great.
- [102:36]
A
There's a great clip we used to play all the time. He used to do. When we were doing the man show, he was doing a radio show, I think, in Minneapolis. Did he have a radio or as the governor maybe. Did his weekly.
- [102:47]
C
Yeah, he had, like, a weekly thing that he did.
- [102:49]
A
He got up there, and he was just talking about the Man Show. He's like, best show on tv. The Man Show. Me. Jimmy got a cassette of it. It was, like, the greatest thing ever, hearing him say that.
- [102:59]
D
I love this. This looks like a before and after they went out right there.
- [103:07]
A
Al Franken. Yeah. This.
- [103:10]
C
This.
- [103:10]
A
I. I'm gonna. I'm gonna take Lindsay Vaughn.
- [103:13]
D
Okay.
- [103:13]
A
Off the list.
- [103:14]
D
Okay.
- [103:15]
A
Yeah. Al, could. This could be Al. He's a satirist or whatever.
- [103:20]
C
Sure.
- [103:21]
A
But Jesse the body's pretty fired up about now about Trump and about Minneapolis. He was governor. Yeah, right. He was a Navy seal.
- [103:30]
C
Yeah.
- [103:31]
D
Whoa.
- [103:31]
A
Yeah, he was all that. He was, by the way. I don't know if he really was. Because back then you could say. You know what I mean? Like, you could just say, I'm a fucking third degree black belt in Taekwondo, bro. Like, nobody knew anything. Yeah, you could say anything you wanted back then. And then now you know, everything's time stamped and dated. And you could do a deep dive on the Internet. All right, I'm gonna say it seems like Jesse's body Ventura. I'll say Al Franken. Just to make a game out of it so we could tie it up. Okay.
- [104:03]
C
The blog. The blog belongs to Jesse Ventura.
- [104:07]
A
All right, I'll knot it. It's all knotted up.
- [104:11]
C
Up.
- [104:11]
A
So we'll do.
- [104:12]
D
I'm winning two to one.
- [104:14]
C
No, no, no, no, no.
- [104:15]
D
What?
- [104:15]
C
No, it's. Yeah, it's two. Two.
- [104:17]
A
Oh, yeah. No affirmative action up on this stage, right? We keep score. This ain't a DUI pod, okay? We keep score. Real school.
- [104:28]
D
Whatever.
- [104:28]
A
Whatever.
- [104:29]
D
Whatever, Adam.
- [104:31]
A
All right, let's do. Let's do a tiebreaker. Here we go.
- [104:36]
C
Tiebreaker. Okay. Minnesota is so pro abortion. Just to prove their point, they'll even have child daycare centers with no kids in them.
- [104:46]
D
Oh, which comedian said that?
- [104:48]
C
Is it comedian Bill Maher? Comedian Steve Byrne or Greg Gutfeld?
- [104:54]
D
Oh, that's easy. That's easy. That's easy.
- [104:56]
A
You know, easy for you.
- [104:58]
D
I can tell whose writing that is.
- [105:00]
A
I think I did. I think I did. Did Bill. I'm sorry. Bill Maher's podcast, like, a week and a half ago. But I can't tell because he gets really high and drunk, and then I get drunk, and then at some point the next day, I'm like, did I do his pot? And then I don't know if he knows either. Now, that guy smoked, like, four joints in an hour and 15 minutes.
- [105:24]
D
Really? Yeah.
- [105:25]
A
And he had a lot to drink, but he did a thing I should do, which is there's a way to drink a lot, but do it in a way where it doesn't seem like you're drinking a lot. Like, he got this little measuring cup. I think it's called a jigger. But I'm sorry. Please, please, no hard R around here. Yeah, but I'm not Chinese. So he kept. He. He kept filling it up with tequila and then dumping it into the cup and then putting the mix in and doing the thing. But once you've done it 11 times. Just take the bottle and just dump it in. Would you please? Sitting there trying to turn, turn coal into gold. You know, this little alchemy and stuff there. Like it looked like he had a plan, but I think the plan was to get for. But he, I just drank scotch. But he can freaking smoke. I mean for a 70 year old dude who's like a buck 45 soaking wet, that guy can drink and smoke. But this, this feels Steve Bernie to you because, you know. Right.
- [106:37]
D
Well also, I mean, and I love Steve, he's a friend. But you have a famous person. A famous person. And Steve Byrne.
- [106:43]
A
What's he doing there?
- [106:45]
D
What's he doing there? No, no, no, no. I love Steve Burn learn. Yeah, but what's he doing there?
- [106:49]
A
Yeah, well, people are asking what you're doing here. I mean, to be fair to Steve.
- [106:55]
B
That'S what I'm saying.
- [106:56]
A
A lot of people were curious.
- [106:58]
D
They were like, who is this dude? I don't even know. No, no, but that's why I say, and that's his writing. That's the way. Yes, yes, that's the way.
- [107:05]
A
No, I, I, I, I agree. It's it. No, you're right. When we used to do this, this game, they would put a red herring up there like somebody weird and you'd go, why is that? And then would turn out it wouldn't be that person. And, but I don't think we're smart enough to do that. All right, so we got, I'm not going to pick Steve Byrne. It's a gut fell, it's a good bill. I'm just gonna go Bill Maher because I just, I just saw him and his, his pot. So you got Steve Burn. All right, this is for, this is for all, this is for all the nothing.
- [107:36]
C
All or nothing. All right, here we go. The blog belongs to comedian Steve Burr.
- [107:42]
A
There you go. All right. And that's why they call him the great Michael. Yo, everybody. Oh, and I want to thank Rudy Pavic for coming out here you guys, tonight. And until next time, Sam Crawford, Michael y Rudy Povich saying mahalo. You can leave us a voicemail at 888-634-1744 and get tickets to see the Ace man at AdamCola.com.
- [108:14]
B
At Pluto tv. We're celebrating Black History Month with our free curated collection of black entertainment. No ifs, ands or buts about catch award winning films like Dreamgirls, Monster's Ball and Selma.
- [108:26]
A
We must make a massive demonstration.
- [108:28]
B
Iconic hits like School Days and set it off. Plus full seasons of shows like Tyler Perry's Sisters and Power. I got you it. Star studded, Brilliant Black Entertainment and it's all free. This is getting good this month and always on Pluto TV Stream now. Hey never at Pluto tv. We're celebrating Black History Month with our free curated collection of Black entertainment. No ifs, ands or buts about catch Award winning films like Dreamgirls, Monster's Ball and Selma.
- [108:57]
A
We must make a massive demonstration.
- [108:59]
B
Iconic hits like School Days and Set It Off. Plus full seasons of shows like Talent, Perry's Sisters and Power.
- [109:06]
A
I got you it.
- [109:07]
B
Star studded, Brilliant Black Entertainment and it's all free. It's getting good this month and always on Pluto TV Stream now. Hey Never.