ADAM RETURNS TO MALIBU + KELSEY COOK + PATRICK RENNA

Summary

Podcast Summary: Adam Carolla Show – "ADAM RETURNS TO MALIBU + KELSEY COOK + PATRICK RENNA"

Release Date: February 13, 2025

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1. Introduction

In this episode of The Adam Carolla Show, host Adam Carolla delves into several engaging topics, including his recent return to Malibu amidst devastating fires, an interview with comedian Kelsey Cook, and nostalgic conversations with Patrick Renna, best known for his role in The Sandlot. The episode combines Carolla's signature humor with candid discussions about real-life challenges and personal anecdotes.

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2. Adam Carolla’s Return to Malibu Amidst Wildfires

Discussion Highlights: Adam shares his harrowing experience returning to Malibu after severe wildfires devastated the area. He recounts the challenges of accessing his home, affected by road closures and power outages, and the eerie aftermath captured through drone footage.

Notable Quotes:

• Adam Carolla [00:20]: "Made the pilgrimage back to Malibu yesterday. The roads, Pacific Coast Highway is blocked off. It’s crazy."
• Patrick Renna [03:11]: "How's the fridge?"
• Jason Mayhem Miller [05:01]: "It's surreal to be standing there amongst the rubble all around you."

Key Points:

• Access and Logistics: Adam details the difficulties in returning home, including blocked highways and the absence of power despite the water supply being restored.
• Drone Footage: Utilizing drone technology, Adam captures the complete destruction along the Pacific Coast Highway, highlighting the randomness and intensity of the fires.
• Lack of Cleanup Efforts: Over a month after the fires, there has been minimal cleanup, leaving the area in a state of desolation. Adam expresses frustration over the lack of official timelines or governmental response.
• Community Impact: The devastation has not spared any aspect of Malibu’s pricey real estate, with only certain areas like beach clubs remaining untouched, raising questions about the selective nature of the destruction.

Insights: Adam reflects on the uncertainty faced by residents, including himself, who are stranded without a clear path to restoration. The conversation underscores the broader issues of disaster management and community resilience in the face of natural calamities.

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3. Interview with Comedian Kelsey Cook

Introduction: Comedian Kelsey Cook joins the show to discuss her stand-up work, recent projects, and personal journey in comedy.

Notable Quotes:

• Kelsey Cook [22:33]: "I'm no tech genius, but I know if I want my business to crush it, I need a website."
• Adam Carolla [46:00]: "I only know instant grammar. That's the only rule."

Key Points:

• Stand-Up Special: Kelsey discusses her latest stand-up special titled Mark Youk Territory, which is available on Hulu and YouTube. She shares insights into her creative process and the challenges of navigating digital platforms.
• Business Ventures: Kelsey emphasizes the importance of an online presence for her business, highlighting the ease of setting up a website with Bluehost and the role of AI in optimizing her digital footprint.
• Personal Experiences: She touches on her experiences balancing personal life with the demands of a comedy career, including moving to Minnesota to live with her boyfriend, Chad Daniels.

Insights: Kelsey provides a candid look into the life of a working comedian, showcasing the blend of humor and resilience required to succeed in the entertainment industry. Her discussion with Adam highlights the intersection of technology and comedy in the modern era.

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4. Nostalgic Conversations with Patrick Renna

Discussion Highlights: Patrick Renna reminisces about his iconic role in The Sandlot and shares personal stories about his upbringing and family life. The conversation delves into the challenges of maintaining one's identity after achieving fame.

Notable Quotes:

• Patrick Renna [36:32]: "He's a sports star in America. He knows who his audience is."
• Jason Mayhem Miller [60:05]: "My mom was working in foosball and playing for a while exclusively."

Key Points:

• Early Career: Patrick discusses his move to Los Angeles and his first acting roles, including memorable auditions and his breakthrough in The Sandlot.
• Family Background: He reveals that his parents were professional foosball players, adding a unique dimension to his personal history and influencing his approach to life and career.
• Balancing Fame and Personal Life: Patrick reflects on the difficulty of stepping out of an iconic role and the importance of embracing one's multifaceted identity beyond fame.

Insights: The conversation underscores the enduring impact of early career roles on personal identity and the journey towards self-discovery and diversification of interests beyond initial fame.

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5. Humorous Anecdotes and Relatable Stories

Discussion Highlights: Adam, Jason Mayhem Miller, and Patrick engage in lighthearted banter, sharing humorous stories about everyday mishaps, societal norms, and quirky personal habits. Topics range from the etiquette of sofa usage to the frustrations of online shopping.

Notable Quotes:

• Jason Mayhem Miller [21:54]: "This is some of the most expensive real estate in the world... It's gone, baby. Gone."
• Adam Carolla [31:27]: "We used to revere the sofa. We had respect for craftsmanship."

Key Points:

• Sofa Etiquette: The hosts humorously debate the decline in traditional sofa manners, lamenting the lack of reverence for furniture craftsmanship.
• Online Shopping Woes: They discuss the challenges of returning items purchased online and the general laziness associated with dealing with online retailers like Amazon.
• Nostalgia for Past Norms: There's a nostalgic longing for simpler times and more defined social etiquettes, contrasted with the chaotic modern lifestyle.

Insights: These segments provide listeners with relatable humor, tapping into common frustrations and observations about changing societal behaviors. The conversations highlight the hosts' ability to find comedy in everyday situations, reinforcing the show's appeal through dynamic and engaging banter.

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6. Closing Remarks and Upcoming Events

Discussion Highlights: As the episode wraps up, Adam and his guests share information about upcoming shows, Kelsey Cook’s stand-up specials, and personal projects. They encourage listeners to engage with their content and stay tuned for future episodes.

Notable Quotes:

• Adam Carolla [49:43]: "Now, is you. Would you call your dad a ham?"
• Jason Mayhem Miller [120:05]: "Pre order it. Amazon."

Key Points:

• Stand-Up Promotions: Kelsey Cook's special Mark Youk Territory is available on Hulu and YouTube, with Adam encouraging listeners to check it out.
• Personal Projects: Patrick Renna mentions his children's book titled Sluggard's Guide to the Unwritten Rules of Baseball, available for pre-order on Amazon.
• Future Shows: Jason shares details about his upcoming stand-up shows across various locations, promoting his appearances and encouraging audience attendance.

Insights: The closing segments serve to connect the hosts and guests with their audience, promoting their work and fostering a sense of community among listeners. It underscores the show's role not just as a source of entertainment but also as a platform for supporting guests' creative endeavors.

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Conclusion

This episode of The Adam Carolla Show masterfully blends personal storytelling with humor, offering listeners a window into Adam Carolla's life during a challenging time, alongside entertaining conversations with guests like Kelsey Cook and Patrick Renna. The discussions range from serious reflections on natural disasters to lighthearted debates about everyday etiquette, maintaining the show's balance between insightful content and comedic relief. By structuring the episode around relatable experiences and engaging banter, Adam Carolla continues to solidify the show's place as a top-ranked, must-listen podcast for millions worldwide.

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Note: This summary excludes advertisements, intros, and outros, focusing solely on the content-rich segments of the episode.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

Huddle up. It's me, Angel Reese. You can't beat the post game burger and fries, right? Know what else you can't beat? The Angel Reese special. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. It's gonna be a high C for me.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Sound good?

[Adam Carolla]

All you have to do to get it is beat me in a one on one. I'm just playing get the Angel Reef Special at McDonald's now. Ba da ba ba ba.

[Kelsey Cook]

I participate in restaurants for a limited time.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Building a business may feel like a.

[Patrick Renna]

Big jump, but on deck, small business.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Loans can help keep you afloat. With lines of credit up to $100,000 and term loans up to $250,000, OnDeck lets you choose the loan that's right for your business. As a top rated online small business lender, Ondeck's team of loan advisors can.

[Patrick Renna]

Help you find the right business loan.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

To fit your needs. Visit ondeck.com for more information.

[Patrick Renna]

Depending on certain loan attributes, your business.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Loan may be issued by Ondeck or Celtibank. Ondeck does not lend in North Dakota.

[Kelsey Cook]

All loans in amount subject to lender approval.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Well, in this episode we have very funny comedian Kelsey Cook and also Patrick Renna, the great hambino. That's right, from Sandlot. Also, Mayhem's doing news and I got some footage of Malibu that I took myself that I think you'll be interested in. And we'll do all that right after this. From Corolla One studios in Glendale, California, this is the Adam Carolla Show.

[Patrick Renna]

Adam's guest today, comedian Kelsey Cook and actor Patrick Rena.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Plus the news and trending topics with Jason Mayhem Miller. And now reminding you this Valentine's Day.

[Patrick Renna]

The gift that truly says I love.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You is window tinting. Adam Carolla. It's practical, man. All right. Lots of show going on today. First, before we get into all sorts of stuff, made the pilgrimage back to Malibu yesterday. Took a videographer, a person who's very handy with the video camera and the drones, and made my way in to Malibu, which is not the easiest. I had some, like insurance papers or something like that that would let me in. The roads, Pacific coast highway is blocked off. It's crazy. Now the water is back on. So that I figured out when I pulled up to my place, I turned on the hose and water's on, but there's no power now. There is no timeline. There's no official city Anything? Timeline. So I'm over a month and I thought I was gonna be staying in a hotel for five days, not bivouacking at Dr. Drew's house for a month. But now I'm shifting.

[Patrick Renna]

How's the fridge?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

The fridge was cleaned out.

[Patrick Renna]

Nah, lucky you.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I had. I talked to attorney Mark Gergas. He offered up his guest house. Told him maybe I'll bounce over to his guest house at some point. But either way, we, me and Andrew, who was doing all the video work, went up to the roof of my place, flat roof. And we went up there and he launched his drone and he took drone footage and we sort of whacked it together. And this is pch. So this is Pacific Coast Highway. This is along the waterside. This is directly in front of where I live. And it is some of the most expensive real estate in the world. And it is gone, baby. Gone.

[Patrick Renna]

Look like Gaza.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Down, down to the ground. Yeah, it's very Gaussian gazesque like very gauzesque. Now the thing that's weird as I'll sort of narrate is everything is melted and everything's down to the ground. There's nothing left. But it clears up at the beach club. The beach club, which I'm a member of, is untouched. Completely and utterly untouched. It did nothing. And then the fire. And then it came again.

[Patrick Renna]

The local watering hole has been spared. Spared.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

We took. We took vid going down PCH and it is buildings that are untouched and then just total devastation. So everything down PCH is completely gone. And then stuff gets untouched and then it's. And then it's gone again.

[Patrick Renna]

I wonder why. Yeah, they just hiccup. So right over top of your house. I mean, you know, granted yours is built like concrete, but some other wood houses are.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I got the back hill of my house. The back hill was burnt down. Everything in front of my house is burnt down. This is a Porsche 928 carcass that was burnt to the ground, by the way. Risky business car for this.

[Patrick Renna]

I can clean up that title, but don't worry about it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And then it's just sort of eerie stairways. Nowhere. Just metal stairways just hanging out over the ocean. Everything down to the ground. It's been over a month. There's zero cleanup. There's nothing.

[Patrick Renna]

Zero.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You saw it. I mean, nothing but rubble. Zero attempts at cleaning.

[Patrick Renna]

They're afraid to push poison to the ocean, toxic, whatever.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Okay, so it's now over a month. There is no cleanup attempt. There is no official gov website. You can Go to for any kind of timeline about when the power's gonna be on. There's just nothing. So the answer, when people go, when can you get back to your place? The answer is no goddamn idea. They don't even float ideas. It's just now it just occurred to.

[Patrick Renna]

Me that they burned down the wrong neighborhood. Feel like Adam Carolla is on the warpath.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Well, my place was saved. I got up on the roof of my place, and I took a vid just with my phone from the roof. And you can go to AdamCarl.com and see this. You can see everything that's in front of me is gone. Everything and place down the hill, place next to me is gone. It's every other house up on the Hillmont is gone. Everything in front is gone. It's random. It's crazy. So no timeline of any kind. That's what we've learned.

[Patrick Renna]

Survivors, remorse or whatever they call it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I. You know, surreal.

[Patrick Renna]

It's surreal to be standing there amongst the rubble all around you. 360, almost, and your little castle is. Yeah, it's all right.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, I'm good. I mean, they're gonna. I don't know. I don't. I have the same reaction to not burning down as I do to burning down. I'm just the same. I don't know why. Always been that way.

[Patrick Renna]

Very stoic of you.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Don't even try. Stoic suggests you're trying to be stoic. I didn't even try. I just. I had the same reaction to when I thought my place had burnt down, which I did for a while because there was a math. The math is a day after the fire. So I told you guys, everything in front of you is gone. There was a restaurant that was down on PCH that was directly in front of me. Gone. And then the hill behind you was gone. So you kind of do the math. You're the middle. You know what I mean? So if everything from one end to the other end is gone and you're in between those two ends, then you're gone, too. And then at a certain point, I said I didn't know. So I said, It's 50. 50. It's probably a coin toss. But I would take the coin toss. I would bet on a coin toss. But it's 50, 50. And when you travel through the neighborhood and you go up and down Pacific coast highway in front of my place, It's. It's about 50, 50. Most. Half the stuff is gone. The other stuff made it, but there were houses, so I Would go on walks up the hill on an almost nightly basis. And I don't know, maybe we can find that house. I'm talking to Andrew now. I was talking about that sort of Asian inspired place. It was for sale, I think it was on Zillow or whatever a couple months. But I used to walk up through the neighborhood on a daily basis. And if there was a house for sale, I'd always stop and walk through and check it out. You know, comps. Ex carpenter. Like to look at stuff. And there was this house that was sort of had an Asian motif to it. And I think they wanted like 6.8 million bucks or something. And it was one of these houses that was just meticulously done. As a guy who did it for a living, I like walked through the place and like literally wanted to shake the guy's hand before I left, like every bit. You know, like you can go to houses and you can look at stuff like switch plates and the switch plates for the outlets or the switches, they'll be $10 million. Houses where they just have plastic Home Depot switch plates for 40 cents apiece. You know, no class. You'll see. You know, you can tell rain gutters. I've seen multimillion dollar house with just stamped aluminum rain gutters. Like, you know, just sheet metal and then there's bronze and they have leader heads and they have cast stuff. And you go, okay, those are the details. That means this person's meticulous. You can see when they put. Put on a switch plate or they put on something that has like two screws in it. Two slathead screws. They line them up so they both face the same direction. Up or across. I'm just trying to line up it.

[Patrick Renna]

To be able to afford a gargoyle.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

So I was. We got the lawn jockey. You just gotta paint it white.

[Patrick Renna]

All right.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

So I went through this house and I just looked at everything and I was like, oh, man. So meticulous. Like so well done.

[Patrick Renna]

Made of origami.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, yeah. It was sort of Asian inspired, but it wasn't, you know, overtly overtly. And I was like, man, whoever has this house got a lot of pride in it. And so as I was going up my street, it's catch as catch can. I have no idea what made it and what didn't make it. So I'm like going up the street going, man, I hope that Asian place is burned to the ground. Nothing? No, nothing there.

[Patrick Renna]

What about the koi fish?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Are they nothing? Koi gone. All right. Yeah. Over rice. So that place down the ground had a metal roof.

[Patrick Renna]

Son of a.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Had a metal roof. Gone.

[Patrick Renna]

6.8. How much? All ofstate. Give back for that. Maybe you can squeeze seven two out of them.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I have no idea how that's going to work either. Then I went up a little further up the street. That's like this other place that was on the corner. They were refurbishing for, like, two years. And they finished it, and it was beautiful. And they did a chef's kiss. And I remember talking to the owners, going, man, you did a good job on this place. I can tell from the eye of a former carpenter. I was like, you crushed it on this place. And they did every little detail on the outside of the house down to the ground. Nothing there. These are like hill houses. So when they're gone, it doesn't look like they're gone. It just looks like there's hill. There's just nothing. Nothing there. Then I'd go up the street a little further, and I was like, I wanted to buy this house. Gone. Neighbor next to it, gone. When I was telling you guys, I was telling everyone there was a few months ago, I said there was a house for sale up on the hill. And I went in there, and the realtor guy told me he sold it and it was for sale in 2021. And I was explaining to him, no, that was 2020. I looked at it. It was during COVID And he said, no, it was 2021. It turned out I was right about that. Gone. For sale signs still sitting out there. The for sale sign didn't burn, but the house down to the ground. And then just random. And no signs of even beginning to clean anything up. It's just there. So I have no idea what the plan is. No one knows what the plan is. And they will not. If there is a plan, no one's sharing it. It's 2025. This is some of the most expensive real estate in the world. Los Angeles and California always does the word, the tip of the spear of everything and information. There is no place. There's no website you can go to online with some sort of official.gov. palisades fire thing that says, like, when the power's coming on, what the plan is, what the timeline is. There's nothing.

[Patrick Renna]

I never thought I'd say this to anyone until this moment right now. You should start a Facebook group.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

A Facebook group, something like this.

[Patrick Renna]

But go to AdamCroello.com and have a chatboard for people who got Displaced or need back and want back in their place. You know, don't even know what's going on. I feel like somebody needs to know. This is getting me fired up. And I don't even live in Malibu.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It is. It's bizarre. I mean, if someone with, you know. So some people go, when are you moving back? I go, I don't know when the power is coming back. So. And no one knows. And they won't tell you. So the. Also as you travel. Now he's showing me a house.

[Patrick Renna]

Yeah. And I'm guessing what the punchline of this is.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And I don't know why he's still there showing me a house with nothing on the screen. Guys, Terracotta tile roof. When we stood over it and I explained there was a metal roof on the house. And then we pointed, Andrew, at the metal roof that was down on the ground. But you're probably on the wrong street. But that's all right. We didn't. We didn't. We didn't get into it. We didn't get into it beforehand.

[Patrick Renna]

Oh, he's looking for the Asian inspired place that was once there and it's now no longer.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Well, it's wherever my place is. It's up about 200 yards on the left. Well, we just drove it. Right. Okay.

[Patrick Renna]

All right. Don't dox yourself right now.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

What's that? It looks like they updated Zillow. Oh, so they got rid of everything that caught on fire. Everything that's on fire. It looks like a wasteland just in Zillow. Oh, really? Okay. Well, it's not there anymore. Yeah, I can't find.

[Patrick Renna]

Well, anyway, it is an aforementioned wasteland.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It is. And it was beautiful. And I feel bad for all those people. And I don't know. I don't know if they're insured to a certain amount.

[Patrick Renna]

That's what I mean.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I don't know if they're insured to an agreed upon amount. I don't know if the insurance is gonna get to what they were asking for the house. I have no idea. But it is a shit show over there. And it's not gonna be fixed anytime soon because for every one dude doing work, there's five dudes staring at him wearing a reflective vest.

[Patrick Renna]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

So the city or the. Whatever there is, like, in two miles, I pass four dudes working and 28 dudes watching. Four dudes working. They just stand there and watch dudes work. And I worked on a construction site for years, and that doesn't exist when you work on A construction site. Everyone works. This is like supervisor, you know, regional supervisor. They just watch one dude working. There is not one dumpster. There is no trash. There's no flatbeds. There's not one bulldozer or bobcat. There's no movement of any material. It has been. We're coming up on 40 days and it's exactly as it was. Trump was out here a month ago or three weeks ago, and he was yelling at Governor Newsom and Karen Bass, like, start clearing these lots. Like, start today. Let's go. We'll do it tonight. And they haven't touched a thing.

[Patrick Renna]

What if Donald Trump shows up? Executive action Bingo Bango gets a bunch of California cleaned up and wins over to populace.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Well, I'll be all for that, but we are pretty stupid. We may not go for this. All right, so again, you can go to AdamCrow.com, we'll show you the footage from the drone and whatnot. But it's horrifying. It's devastating. Yeah. It's total annihilation. There was. It was either. Your house was either spared or destroyed. There were probably literally maybe 2 out of 80 structures that were partially damaged. It was either pristine or down to the ground. And they could be right next to each other. Weird, right?

[Patrick Renna]

Depending on the way the wind's blowing and what temperature your house burst at.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

All right, so other things to think about. I gotta get into here. I've been thinking. Yeah. That kind of looks like the place is there. We're looking at a picture of this place. Yeah. I think you found it, Andrew. Yeah. It's got a metal roof. It's got a little. I remember them telling me they made a built in Jacuzzi. Not like a fiberglass Jacuzzi, like poured in place cement Jacuzzi. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're looking at this place right now.

[Patrick Renna]

All gone.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I mean, it was. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, it was a good job. It was magnificent. I walked through every square inch of that place and I just stared at it. I just kept telling the realtor what a great job they did with everything. Just beautiful. I mean, the kitchen was beautiful. Everything's beautiful. Beautiful. What was it, like 6.8 million bucks?

[Patrick Renna]

Same. Under five something.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Five, eight?

[Patrick Renna]

Yeah. Five, seven, five, seven, five five seven. Steel.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Now that's melted steel now. Beautiful.

[Dawson]

I've seen.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Wasn't that big either. I don't know, under 3,000 maybe. I can't remember. But anyway, just. I mean, beautiful. I don't know what else to say. Breaks my heart. Anyway, now there's a thing happening. Sofas, furniture, couches. They used to be sacred ground couches. Let's just jump ahead. I had some guys doing some work back here. I'll leave their names out.

[Patrick Renna]

All right.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Good men. But they were doing some work back here before we had our super bowl party.

[Patrick Renna]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And they stopped to go get lunch. And I turned the corner and I saw some tools. Some tools sitting on my sofa. Now describe what you see there. Mayhem.

[Patrick Renna]

Well, I see power drill. Looks like a dewalt or some type. I'm not sure. The hydro drill. The hammer. Let me tell you, the hammer looks used. Looks like it's been used. And in a murder. And then a head replaced. I'll say that about that. And then some type of dowel, I guess some stabbing instrument like an ice pick.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Now, see, you would call that a pick or punch, but it's really an awl.

[Patrick Renna]

There we go.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

An aw, an owl, an all. Now, the cordless drill has a masonry bit on it which has been used, which means it's covered with masonry dust.

[Patrick Renna]

It's nasty.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

The floor is concrete. It's a slab floor. The sofa is a newish crushed velvet, light blue sofa. You could set your tools on the ground. You could. But instead you place them upon the newest sofa.

[Patrick Renna]

Oh, what, you mean three items from the saw dungeon? Yeah, they go right there.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Okay, okay. These aren't inherently bad. People who did this, it's not their fault. First off, something happened to our relationship as Americans with sofas. I grew up in a day when people frequently covered their sofas with plastic. They had plastic slipcovers on their sofas. My grandmother in South Philly had a sofa that was so precious to her that it had plastic.

[Patrick Renna]

I'm Erie, Ohio grandma, too.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Okay, it sounds like a punchline now. It's not. People took their sofas and they wrapped them in clear plastic now. And by the way, it was like a thick, milled plastic. It made a noise. Your ass would stick to it when you got up. It made your thighs would sweat on it if you're wearing shorts. I mean, what could be more uncomfortable than a plastic sofa?

[Patrick Renna]

I just dreamed of the day that someday my status would rise high enough to get no plastic on the sofa.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Right? But we had plastic around the sofa. We had so much reverence for the sofa. We had so much respect for the sofa that we wrapped it in plastic. That's how precious it was. Like the Mona Lisa at the Louvre museum. We put it in a bulletproof, even bulletproof Lucite Case. Yes, Lexan, probably. Now, the point is, we're now at the point where when one is finished. And by the way, think about the impunity. Here's what I'm saying. Nobody said before they broke for lunch, where is the guy who owns this sofa? Nobody said, where's Adam? And then someone went, oh, I think he's in Europe. No, Adam is here the whole time. Adam is in the back. I'm in the back working on stuff. I'm in there watching them work, helping them work, talking to them and working, organizing and getting ready for the party. They set everything on the newish cloth sofa and then they went, got lunch, almost like they were offering it to me. Now people can go like, well, what's the big well, okay, in days of yore, everything's set on the ground and then everything's set on the ground on a towel or a tarp or a furniture pad, like a work pad or whatever. But on the sofa. Two sober white, middle age. Yeah, I said it. Middle aged men who are professionals both thought to break for lunch with the tools sitting on the sofa. Okay, now, unthinkable in this nation's past, unthinkable. You couldn't entertain putting your power tools on somebody's fabric sofa and then breaking for lunch and leaving. Couldn't happen.

[Patrick Renna]

Let me tell you that these professionals.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

By the way, the floor is not shag carpet. The floor is just slab. This is literally, literally concrete. You just set it on the floor. Now, I would even, I would argue that you should put a beach towel down and put it on whatever the flooring is. You should do it. But, but set it on the middle of the sofa and left. Left while I'm standing there.

[Patrick Renna]

Okay, so uncomfortable.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Now, let me explain.

[Kelsey Cook]

I'm no tech genius, but I know if I want my business to crush it, I need a website. Now, thankfully, bluehost makes it easy. I customized, optimized and monetized everything exactly how I wanted with AI. Within minutes, my site was up. I couldn't believe it. Plus, Bluehost keeps me protected 24 7. No more worrying about hackers. I just relax and focus on my customers. So whatever your hustle may be, secure your online presence in 2025 with Bluehost. Head to bluehost.com to start.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Now, there used to be a thing where if women started this for some reason, the sofa sitting in an orthodox style sitting as a sofa was designed. A sofa is designed for your butt to sit on it, your back to lean against the back and your feet to set on the ground. At some point, women decided, not comfortable enough. I need to take my feet and my shoes and put them on the sofa with me, shoe sole down, sole down on the cloth. And whenever I walk in and I see people sit that way, I'm like, you just walked in from the parking lot. You just. You just. Where'd you park? I parked down on Flower Street. Okay, you just parked down the street, and then you walked in, and then you walked across the. And then you put. You're putting both feet on the clothes. Yeah, I'm comfortable, by the way. Is this comfortable? Shoving your knee up your ass.

[Patrick Renna]

Yogi yo got fire.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

If you want to kick your shoes off and put your feet up, all right, fine. But it's still kind of your smelly socks, but all right. It started with feet on the sofa. It started with feet on the sofa. I'm convinced. I've seen it. It didn't exist. There was no world. There was no universe when I was a kid that I could go to my friend's house and plant myself on their sofa and just put my shoes up on their stuff. They would have tackled me, I believe.

[Patrick Renna]

I believe it started, I don't know, in the 60s, 70s with the famous poet Richard James, where he said, fuck, yo, couch.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, really?

[Patrick Renna]

I think so.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That's a.

[Patrick Renna]

That's a real super freaky. I'm just trying to lighten the mood. I'm very upset you're all fired up about the couch, man. These guys were these workers, Professional installers of some sort.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Evidently not, because they put all their tools on the sofa and then left. You can. But here's what I'm saying. You can set them on the ground. There is a floor. You can put them.

[Patrick Renna]

Oh, my God. So make a note. Towel down on the floor. Beach towel. I have one in my car.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

No, no. It's not their fault. The reason it's not their fault is it's us. Us as a society. This is a metaphor. We've lost our way. But also, we used to have a hierarchy. We used to have respect. We used to have reverence.

[Patrick Renna]

Yes.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

For things you would never go. I. I told you. One day I came home a few years ago, and I walked in my front door of my house, and my daughter's friend was roller skating inside of my house and just right down the hall, just went right past me. Just trucking with their skates. Hey, what's crossing? And also eating. There was no world, no world where I would have went to Chris Bohm's house or Ray Oldhoffer's house. We didn't have furniture at my house. I mean, we had sheets over it because my mom would get the stuff that people threw away and then drag it in and go, there's nothing wrong with this. Yeah, there's nothing wrong with it. It's got crabs and somebody killed themselves on it. But other than that, yeah, it's a good sofa.

[Patrick Renna]

She had one stain.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

She would tuck a sheet into also fitted sheets, so it always looked like shit. Do you think there was a world. My friends, my kids, friends. I would come around the corner in the living room. They're sitting on the sofa with like a handful of salsa and a handful of chips, just kind of leaning back and eating. No tray, no napkins. No. Just standing there free balling it with chips and salsa. Like, slopping stuff off, wiping their. You know, doing that on the hands, you know, eating butter toffee, you know, just crumbling. I'm like, what? Get a plate? Get a tray. First off, what are you even in here? I'm full. Chipotle order. Plop it down on the sofa. Just. Everyone's eating a leaky burrito. Just said, when I was a kid, if I went into Ray or Chris's house and plopped down on their sofa and just started eating Mexican food, my hands. Their mom would have come around the corner, started beating me with a flip flop and screaming at me to leave and. And turned a fucking hose on me. There was no. Like, they would have yelled, go to the table. Get to the table. You didn't even eat. You didn't eat on the sofa. You had to go to the table. You could eat at the table. Then you could, like, wash your hands. Then you could go back and sit on the sofa. We lost reverence for sofas. We had respect. They're like the statues were tearing down of the founding fathers. That's what we did with the sofa.

[Patrick Renna]

We used to revere the sofa.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

The history book said, respect those sofas.

[Patrick Renna]

Throw away American culture. We don't build anything to last. So we don't.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I know. It's all throw it away. I don't. Yeah, blame ikea. Everything's cheap. Everything's cheap now. Like, we had one sofa. It lasted my entire life. My dad died with the same sofa.

[Patrick Renna]

People don't have respect for craftsmanship anymore.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

All right, I'm with you. All right, all right. I'm uptight old man. But we do agree that you sitting on my sofa with both feet, soles of your shoes planted on the sofa is just weird etiquette, right?

[Patrick Renna]

Makes for a better Instagram picture.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And putting used tools, masonry to masonry tools on the sofa and then breaking for lunch, it's weird etiquette.

[Patrick Renna]

I'm sorry, Ace. The world is very brutal.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

So we went from wrap it in plastic to cover it with dewalt drills and masonry bits, okay?

[Patrick Renna]

There's no in between.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Listen to me, I'm telling you. It started with the chicks who sit with their feet on the sofa.

[Patrick Renna]

Disrespect.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Someone should have walked up and just smacked them in the back of the head and went, get your fucking shoes off the sofa. We could have done that 22 years ago and solved this problem. But we all just looked the other way and now we're here. Now we're here, kids. Everyone's just eating on the sofa. Everyone's eating. I would come walking in, there'd be seven of my son's friends just eating chick fil a just sitting on the sofa, just like spreading the sauce around and say, okay, all right, now we got tools on the sofa. All right. Other stuff to complain about. I got more stuff. All right, okay, I've said it once and I'm going to say it again. I want the interpreter. I want the interpreter to be the same sex as the person who is speaking. I did Dancing with the Stars with Marlee Matlin. She's a beautiful woman who has a dude interpreter.

[Patrick Renna]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It flies in the face of why you have an interpreter. Because it bumps you. Because. Okay, here is. Okay, let me put this out there. What is the motivation for having an interpreter? Like, why have interpreters? And you go, well, so we can understand in our language what the person is saying in their language. Agreed. But there's also an element of wanting to think it is that person. For instance, when they dub a movie, they used to dub movies or bo. They dub them in English, you know. They dub the Family Guy in English. Yeah, they do. They dub stuff. Well, you wouldn't dub. Okay, Arnold Schwarzenegger's like one of his first movies was like Samson in New York or something. He did a whole feature length movie. They did a whole movie. I don't know. We can find a clip. You can find a clip of Schwarzenegger. It's like first movies like Samson in New York or Hercules in New York or something like that. Okay. When they dubbed his voice, did they do with a young female actress? Or they get some dude Hercules. Yeah. Or. Or they get a dude that. That sounded like. That could be that dude. Do you Know what I'm saying?

[Patrick Renna]

No, totally.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Okay. Why did they do that? Because they didn't want to bump you. I mean, you could see. You could tell it was dubbed. You could tell that wasn't Schwarzenegger's voice. Yeah, but they got a guy. His voice, who sort of approximated Schwarzenegger's look.

[Patrick Renna]

Like an animated film.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah. So you would go along with it.

[Patrick Renna]

Mm.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

If they used a female. Okay, let's look at. This is gonna be my point here. This can be my point. Or wait. I like it down there. Let me be the judge of that. I'm tired of the same old faces that Schwarzenegger.

[Patrick Renna]

Same old thing like it down there. Let me be the judge of that. I am tired of the same old face.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That's the original.

[Patrick Renna]

The same old things. I like the original.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Well, now you're used to it. But here's my point. An interpreter is just a version of the illusion of the movie, which is. Let's let us all think that this is what this person would sound like or who this person is if they were speaking a language we understood. Makes perfect sense in the movie.

[Patrick Renna]

We still talking Hercules in New York?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

No. All right, I'm getting to something. They did a movie. There was that Harrison Ford movie that had Sean Connery in it, the submarine movie. And in the submarine movie, which was.

[Patrick Renna]

The Hunt for Red October.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, yeah. I was thinking of Gray lady down, which is Charlton Hess. Another submarine hunt from Red October. Stop me if I'm wrong, fellas. They started talking in Russian.

[Patrick Renna]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And then they just turned into English.

[Patrick Renna]

Yeah, that was a good trick.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And it made your mind go, oh, now it's the same guy, but he's speaking English. But now I understand Russian. It's basically what it made your mind do. Fine. That's what translators need to do. But it's not going to work if you don't get the right sex.

[Patrick Renna]

I agree.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

So the Japanese.

[Patrick Renna]

Well, in Japan, that's something they do. Because in. When I was fighting big time in Japan, they had a female interpreter with me. She was a nice lady who would walk around with a notepad and I would say a big, long thing. She would distill it down.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

When you're fighting in Japan.

[Patrick Renna]

Exactly.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Patrick Renna]

So I think it's kind of standard. They always. They have a lady a lot.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Well, Shoi Ohtani from the Dodgers had a dude.

[Patrick Renna]

Yep.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Didn't work out, but he had to.

[Patrick Renna]

Do it for him a little bit.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, we don't. Are we gonna watch?

[Patrick Renna]

All right, this is.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Dope let's watch Hunt for Red October. It's a. It's a great device is what it is. What it is.

[Patrick Renna]

All right.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

We don't have any sound, but if we had sound, it'd be a great device. We always caught off guard with the sound. They zoom in on his mouth. And the seventh angel poured forth his bowl in the middle of a soliloquy of a poem. All right, it's brilliant. Run it. Run it once again.

[Patrick Renna]

Sorry, that's not Tom Clancy.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And the seventh angel poured forth his bowl into the air, and a voice cried out from heaven saying, it is done. So it was perfect. Take the actor speaks Russian. Pull in tight on his mouth. Switched English. Okay, Okay. I can't do that with the Japanese prime minister. So the Japanese prime minister was talking to Trump and he was fielding questions and making comments. And this is what it sounds like. But look, is there a dude who speaks Japanese and English? And if so, can we hook him up with the prime minister? This is an important gig. And also. All right, we'll just play it. This is him. At the White House, we also held candid discussions on challenges the Indo Pacific region is facing. We confirmed that we are resolved not to allow unilateral attempts to change the status quo by force or coercion and to oppose such attempts in the east and South China seas in order to fully defend a free and open Indo Pacific. 65 year old dude talking.

[Kelsey Cook]

We also reiterated the importance of peace and stability.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Here's what I'm saying. What if this shit goes down with Japan and you know he's got to make a threat. You know, what if China comes knocking? He's gonna get up there and he's gonna get his translator up there and he's gonna be screaming, we're gonna crush you like a beer can. And she's gonna be like, we're going to Mr. Eddie's father.

[Patrick Renna]

No, that's fine.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

We're going to crush you.

[Patrick Renna]

Like you don't understand Japanese culture as well as I do. I get it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You get it?

[Patrick Renna]

Yeah. They put this nice lady as a flex. Like, look, you're saying we will say evil stuff. We will say the most dead face Japanese, like samurai.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Mm.

[Patrick Renna]

But we're gonna have a cute little girl tell you this bad news. But then, like, it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

What? But how do you explain Shohei Ohtani then?

[Patrick Renna]

He's a sports star in America. He knows who his audience is. You. These guys are like, they. They're doing like a weird flex.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Well, then what about Marlee Matlin?

[Patrick Renna]

She has lesbian tendencies.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Marlee Matlin is weird because on Dance with the Star she's dancing with a dance dude and she's doing the sign thing. And the dude's like, I felt the passion through his loins. He grinded on me and all of a sudden I was back in high school. It's like, it's a dude. It's a dude's voice. Get a chick.

[Patrick Renna]

Yeah, you're right. I'm with you.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Okay. I mean, I don't want to be. Look, it's real easy. I'm not trying to put dudes out of work. I'm not trying to put chicks out of work. Let's just get her and hook her up with Marlee Matlin. We'll get Marlee Matlin's persons and sign whatever, but they'll switch them around.

[Patrick Renna]

You know, it's gonna be weird for her to learn American Sign Language, but she only speaks Japanese.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

But what I'm saying is let's treat it like Hercules in New York. You're right. Or any movie where we dub. Let's not bump the audience.

[Patrick Renna]

Keep bumping on Google Translate has got it pretty quick where you can just talk into the thing in one language and it spits the words out there. You hit that up to Alex Trebek type voice modulator and suddenly you have yourself a robot voice.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah. Oh, by the way, Baldwin was in this movie, I think. I don't know what I said. Harrison Ford or something. Maybe he did the first Jack Ryan or whatever. I don't remember. All right, Kelsey Cook, stand up comedian is out there. We'll take a quick break and we'll bring her in right after this. Hey, it's almost Valentine's Day, people. Let's give her one she's not going to forget. That's right. Take advantage of this brand new deal from Adam and Eve. AdamandEve.com Ace is where you go. That's AdamandEve.com Ace this is absolutely the best deal we have ever offered and you deserve the best Valentine's Day ever. This is a limited time offer so get your four sex toys while supplies last. Four toys for 20 bucks. Literally saving up to 175 bucks with this exclusive offer. Have a fun and rowdy Valentine's Day this year with our good friends at Adam and Eve. Right, Dawson?

[Patrick Renna]

Take a [e-mail] ACE to see what four sex toys will be yours for just $20. Go to AdamAndEve.com ACE it's the only.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Way to get this offer. Hey, this is Adam Carolla from the Adam Carolla show. Betonline is the world's most trusted betting platform and your number one source for online betting in 2025. Whether you're a seasoned fan or a first time better, Betonline is your ultimate game day companion with the largest selection of odds on everything from NBA, college basketball, exclusive in game live betting, Betonline is your ultimate game day companion. And if you like the NHL, you like a little hockey or the UFC, if that's your thing, BetOnline is your number one sports betting source. From every three pointer to every hat trick, Betonline has you covered with the odds, stats and more. For every single game, every play and every win, it is bet online. The game starts here. Homes.com knows that when it comes to home shopping, it's never just about the house or condo. It's about the home. And what makes a home is more than just a house or property. It's the location. It's the neighborhood. If you have kids, it's also schools, nearby, parks, transportation options, all the above. That's why homes.com goes above and beyond to bring home shoppers the in depth information they need to find the right home. And when I say in depth, I'm talking about deep. That's right. Each listing features comprehensive information about the neighborhood, complete with a video guide. They also have details about local schools with test scores, state rankings and student to teacher ratio. They even have an agent directory with the sales history of each agent. So when it comes to finding a home, not just a house, this is everything you need to know all in one place. Homes.com. homes.com. We've done your homework.

[Adam Carolla]

I do think I made an actual good choice recently. I just quit being vegan after a year and a half of doing it. I'm back, baby. Back in these meat streets. Oh, man, does it feel good to have friends again.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Kelsey Cook is on the Adam Corolla show. Good to see you, Kelsey.

[Adam Carolla]

Hi, guys.

[Patrick Renna]

Welcome back to the dark side.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. Thank you for having me.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I was trying to think, is Kelsey one of those kind of 50, 50 male female names?

[Adam Carolla]

It is. Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Because I. They're names that are, I don't know, Sam or something. You can go, yeah, but there's more dude Sams. It's cute on a girl, but there's more dude Sam. But Kelsey, I go, is it?

[Adam Carolla]

No, I think there's way more women.

[Patrick Renna]

Way more women.

[Adam Carolla]

I only know instant grammar. That's the only.

[Patrick Renna]

Yeah, exactly. You just know that one Rule. Really?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Well, I interviewed him last week or something.

[Adam Carolla]

This is on the top of your mind?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

No, I went to school with a Kelsey.

[Adam Carolla]

Interesting.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I had a few. There are a few Kelsey's out there. I don't know, Google famous Kelsey's and let's see what percentage of them. Well, you know what? I think it's an older. Sorry, it was a man's name 30 years ago or 50 years ago, and now it's morphed. It moved toward the feminine side. So Stand up. Where'd you shoot your Stand up special, by the way? Mark youk Territory. It's available now on hulu and on YouTube as well, which is cool.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

How'd that work? The Hulu and YouTube marriage.

[Adam Carolla]

So I've never done anything like this and I think Hulu, this is maybe one of the first times they've tried it. But it's kind of nice because press wise, like, I think there are certain media outlets that if you say, oh, I have a YouTube special, they're like, yeah, that's not big enough for you to come on our show. But if you have the Hulu of it all, then your publicist is gonna be like, let's come on Hulu. And then you're like, okay. And then you do Good Morning America or whatever. But it is a little hard because you don't see the views on Hulu. You do see them for YouTube. So I'm hoping that the YouTube views still look good, but it's hard because we are losing some to Hulu. And then you don't want to look like nobody's watching it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, yeah, you siphon them off to Hulu because we don't need to see it on YouTube or a percentage of us don't need to see it that way. We got a list of famous kelsey's. You're number 14. But what I'm looking for is the male female breakup.

[Patrick Renna]

Working your way up, baby, you're working your way up.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

We're gonna climb up above Kelsey Grammer's number one. And the rest are all women. You're right.

[Patrick Renna]

Told you only that.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And what about the dude I went to high school with?

[Adam Carolla]

What's he up to?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, so you're number 14. Who are you behind? Cause I think we could pick off a few of these Kelseys right now.

[Patrick Renna]

I'm in the ranks.

[Adam Carolla]

I know. Now I'm kinda. Now I feel like I have beef with anyone.

[Patrick Renna]

These are your mortal enemies. There can only be one.

[Adam Carolla]

What are you doing in front of me?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I'm Never gonna catch Adam Levine. Like, I made my peace with that, but I could get to Adam Shift at some point, you know, like, they're guys. There are other Adams I could get to.

[Patrick Renna]

I'm number two behind the mayhem. Miller, who's on RuPaul's Drag Race.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, Jesus. You got a he. She in front of you? I think she's number 13. Who's ahead of Kelsey over here?

[Adam Carolla]

I would say the pictures, it's a kind of an only fans vibe. Yeah, I'm getting a lot of, like, money for.

[Patrick Renna]

I was thinking prison lineup, but. All right.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, some of them are pretty.

[Patrick Renna]

Now we like them pretty attractive.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Who's in front of you? I'm trying to. And can we pick her off? That's what I'm saying. Can we start a campaign? You know what I mean? Kelsey Durra, who is this?

[Adam Carolla]

YouTube start. Yeah, see, you got it.

[Patrick Renna]

Now you got this.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You got her.

[Adam Carolla]

How many subscribers has she got?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Nothing. She got 120. She's special.

[Patrick Renna]

You got it.

[Adam Carolla]

Come on, come on.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You gotta get better.

[Patrick Renna]

You guys are both on YouTube. So the solution is boxing.

[Adam Carolla]

This is what we recommend.

[Patrick Renna]

I'll train you. Don't worry. I'll hold the pads every day. You'll get after it. Okay. You're gonna knock her the fuck out.

[Adam Carolla]

Honestly. I'm in.

[Patrick Renna]

I'm signing that. I brought the contract here. Right here, actually.

[Adam Carolla]

Perfect.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

The got dates coming up. Spokane Comedy Club, which is cool. Been there. Oh, the Wilbur in Boston is great. Yeah, it's a beautiful theater. That is a great, great theater that's coming up February 21st. Great Cedar Showroom, Foxwoods. That's coming up Connecticut. Yeah, the Wilbur's a beautiful old timey theater. It's a great, great venue.

[Adam Carolla]

I opened for Jim Norton there years ago. I used to open for him on tour.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, you did?

[Adam Carolla]

But this will be my first time headlining, and I'm so excited.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

How was it touring with Jim Norton? Inquiry mode.

[Patrick Renna]

Pretty wacky.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Well, I know Jim pretty well.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's. I mean, he's the best. He really. He changed my life completely because he. I think if you have a young comic where you're like, yes, you can open for me on this entire tour. You get to quit your day job. Like, it. It really changed my life. But it was. He used to do embarrassing things to me on the road. But his tour manager, Club Soda Kenny. Do you know Club Soda Kenny?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I don't know him.

[Patrick Renna]

We know of him.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, infamous. He would do things all the time to me that were just, like, mortifying. He was always the guy who would do the God mic to bring us out on stage. And every theater show, he'd be the side of stage and he'd go, ladies and gentlemen, Jim Norton. And people go, ah. And then he'd go, but first.

[Patrick Renna]

I like it. Oh.

[Adam Carolla]

They pull back immediately, like, ah, damn.

[Patrick Renna]

But you win them well.

[Adam Carolla]

But then I would walk out, which, like, very different vibe from Jim, at least, like, aesthetically. And I could just see men be like, this is a good time to take a dump.

[Patrick Renna]

Like, oh, I'm gonna walk in the crowd.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll be back in 20. Just from, like, looking at me. But then, you know, by the end of the tours with him, I feel like, nice.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

How did Jim. How. How did you guys pair up? Because it seems a little unlikely, right?

[Adam Carolla]

So he had tweeted, this is years ago, that he was coming to la and I lived here at the time, and he was promoting a special, and he was like, what podcast should I do? And I had a podcast at the time, and some of the listeners were like, oh, you should get him on. And I was like, I've never met him. I don't want to just be, like, suckling at the teat, you know? But then somebody had. I guess his, like, business email was public, and they were like, hey, this is email. He responds to this. You should just send something. So I was like, okay, fuck it. So I sent an email and he responded and was like, yeah, sure, I'd love to do it. And I was like, I'm not gonna get beheaded, right? Like, this is an actual real thing. If I go to this hotel room, I'm not gonna die. They're like, nope, this is his email. And so I did it, and it went great. And it just was one of those things where I knew that Amy Schumer had opened for him for a few years on tour, I believe. And so I said, if you ever need an opener, I'd love to work with you. And did one show, and then he sent me the rest of the dates for the year.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And that was three years I toured with him. So, yeah, he really did. He was like, my.

[Patrick Renna]

That's great.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Comedy fairy godmother.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Patrick Renna]

I could see him wearing a dress, that exact dress, and bippity boppity boo.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

The thing that's off putting about him is how normal his parents are.

[Adam Carolla]

Isn't it interesting?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Because you must have seen them on the road. They're so sweet.

[Adam Carolla]

They're the sweetest people on the Planet.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yes, yes. They.

[Adam Carolla]

And still married.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, they're American gothic type. Like I don't know what you would think if you met them and you knew Jim and you knew his ways.

[Patrick Renna]

Maybe too much family values does that to a guy.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I guess. Possibly.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

But when you meet them they seem so normal and adjusted and everything. You wouldn't think they would be very mild mannered. Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

So you look at and you're like okay, nature versus nerd happening.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I mean if you met my parents you wouldn't know what they did or. My mom didn't talk. She didn't have a sense of. My mom had no sense of humor. My dad really didn't like talking and stuff. Sit there. So you wouldn't get anything from me off of them. But your dad at least it looks like from this is a bit of a character.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he's like a full clown and.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

He was a yo yo champion.

[Patrick Renna]

Your dad came to my elementary school. Shut up.

[Adam Carolla]

I know. It's what he did.

[Patrick Renna]

I bought a butterfly from.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, butterflies. A nice yo yo.

[Patrick Renna]

That's what I'm saying.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And he could do the cats and the cradle and the walking the dog and the whole thing. Waterfall.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And when you're a kid, that's really exciting to have your dad come and be like the entertainment at the school. And then man, it just takes such a turn when you get to high school. It goes from like your dad's so cool when you're young and then you get to high school age and you're like if you come near this school with your yoyos like I'm trying to lose my virginity out here. Like I need you to be nowhere near this school. And now I'm an adult and now it's cool again. So it's like a weird roller coaster.

[Patrick Renna]

But yeah, that's great.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Was he a professional? Was he like a champion?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he was considered an international yo yo man. So he would travel name. I remember he. He would.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I do, yes.

[Patrick Renna]

The international yo yo man. I did my research. I said, oh my God, I know her daddy. Yes. That's so crazy.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Is he still with us?

[Adam Carolla]

He is, yes.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And so he didn't get laid in high school, I guess. But somehow he met your mom, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And he learned the yo yo. And back when it was something like it was kind of cool like for a minute. And there was a window in time where what we did here's up and.

[Patrick Renna]

Down and up and down and up they went.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

We did plate spinning in the 50s and the 60s. There's plate spinners. Then that gave way to the yo yo. And then that gave way to cup stacking. Now we're at cup stacking. We're still at cup stacking for some reason. We had a small. We had a little window of the boomerang. They made a boomerang for a minute. People were like, yeah, too many kids probably got too many concussions or something.

[Adam Carolla]

Probably during pogo stick time. Is that big.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Remember that pogo stick.

[Patrick Renna]

What is that ball called? The Bop it whammo ball. Where you stand with. It's a neon colored ball and you hop up and down. It's like a unicycle, but stupider.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

There was a click clack. Certain things were outlawed. So they had. There was a weird sort of 70s kind of pre digital where you had to kind of make your own fun.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And people did a lot of like craft stuff. Like you'd see guys wearing hats that were knitted together with yarn made of Budweiser cans. Like there was like, you can take a Budweiser can and take a panel off it and punch holes in it and then make yourself a sun hat out of yarn. There was a whole thing. There was a commercial for bottles. So what you would do, there was a commercial where it was a glass cutter. So you take like a 7Up bottle, you'd cut it, you'd knock it off, you'd sand it and you'd have a beautiful tumbler, you know, for free. Like there was rock tumblers. Like there was a whole kind of make your own.

[Patrick Renna]

I wager, I wager a lot of this is the on etsy right now for sure.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

There were dudes. There was the always the dude in town who had a pickup truck who made his own camper shell out of plywood or birch or something. One one by six dog eared redwood. My uncle Bill tng like just dude, camper dude, guy. Like people just kind of did stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

And my dad was the king of these things.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

He did.

[Adam Carolla]

He was just like, who masters Yo. Like these things were so strange that he did. So he would like master Yo Yo. He like mastered frisbee. And then I don't know the timing of this with yo yo and foosball. But foosball became this massive thing.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I think that was like a fratty thing that turned into a thing, right. But yeah, the frisbee. The frisbee's pretty cool too.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So you got really into that. But so my parents both became professional foosball players. That's how they met. They met at a professional foosball tournament. My mom's in the Foosball hall of Fame.

[Patrick Renna]

Nice.

[Adam Carolla]

It's this whole weird. So you're talking about. If you met your parents, you would maybe not go, oh, this is somebody who's related to a comedian. Right.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

If you met my mom, you'd think both her kids were dead because she seemed depressed, and she wouldn't talk about us, so you wouldn't want to bring us up because you'd be, like, tearing a band aid off. Yeah. Obviously, they're not with us. Yeah, it's no way. They're successful people because you'd probably be talking about this at some point. Yeah. They would think she would think we were dead. You would think, happy Mother's Day. And my dad, you would just. If you talked to my mom, you'd think both her kids died. And if you talk to my dad, you would think he never had kids. So he was a little better. He was a little bit better.

[Patrick Renna]

In my mind, we're working through all these issues on the hand.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, we're working through them a little bit of trouble. But your parents. Foosball hall of Fame.

[Adam Carolla]

Hall of Fame. And so, yeah, there's my mom.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So they had me, and then they would start standing me on a stool when I was, like, 2, so I was tall enough to see the top of the table, and they trained me.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, they thought you were gonna be the next.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Patrick Renna]

So did you let them down? Did you ever see foosball gold?

[Adam Carolla]

You know, I've, like, gotten first in a couple things. I've competed my whole life.

[Patrick Renna]

But you're underselling it. You're the world foosball champion. I did my research.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I had a web series for a while called Rista Fury where I would play against other comedians.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, wow.

[Adam Carolla]

I would, like, hustle people. We did, like, I hustled people on the Vegas strip. Like, hustle drunk dudes and stuff. Yeah, but you have, like, the people who are the top ranked in the world. They put an amount of time into it that we do into comedy. Like, you have to really make it your life to be the top ranked. But, yeah, it's, like, the reason I exist. I literally wouldn't exist if it weren't for foosball.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Your parents?

[Patrick Renna]

No, no. That's awesome. It's awesome that you were into something so deep, you know, and now you, like, made this strange.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That's all they did for a living. Did they have side jobs?

[Adam Carolla]

My mom was working in foosball and playing for a while exclusively. And then my dad, for 40 years has been a trumpet player in the Spokane Symphony. That's like his main thing.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That was my dad's main thing was.

[Patrick Renna]

Oh, yeah, Trumpet. Yes. Both you guys are trumpeter.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

But he wasn't good. But it was his whole world.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's amazing. That's great.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I kind of even have the feeling. And I would assume. But your dad was pretty diverse.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

But a lot of dexterity with those fingers of your dad, you know what I mean? With the valves and the.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't want to think too much.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, let's not go the finger part, Mom. The imagery of mom pops in trumpet.

[Adam Carolla]

Yo yo. Too much fingers.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I have a thought. My thought is my dad, who never played trumpet professionally, probably spent more time holding a trumpet and talking about playing the trumpet than your dad, who went and did it for a living and then came home and was probably able to put the trumpet down is what I'm saying.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I mean, he would practice, obviously, all different sorts of rehearsals and stuff. But yeah, generally he was like also just normal dad outside of that.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

He.

[Adam Carolla]

Minus yo yo. I guess.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

But yeah. So my dad. My dad never had a de. Trumpet was never further than 28 inches from me. Wherever he was.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my God.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Sat there with trumpets right next to him all the time.

[Adam Carolla]

What did he do for a living?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Well, he was a sort of substitute school teacher for a while.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And then a kind of. Then that gave way to working at an orphanage, as we used to call them, and working at the school in the orphanage and then a foster home or whatever it was, place kids didn't have. Couldn't be placed, you know, and they couldn't go to school outside of the facility because they were too troubled or whatever it is. So he sort of worked there. Then he stopped doing that when he was probably like 50, and decided that he wanted to be a therapist, but that he was gonna have to go to school for several years in order to get his certificate or whatever that thing was. And then at some point, probably about the age of 65 or something, became a therapist. And that's what he did. Now, everything was always a little part timey, and there was never any real money or success, but there was a kind of a slow drip of work, but never really enough to be what you would call successful. Never owned a yo yo Never owned a yo yo.

[Adam Carolla]

That's always the marker for.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Well, do we have Kelsey's dad playing the. Is there footage of your. Yes, my dad Playing the trumpet. And your dad's playing the trumpet.

[Adam Carolla]

I love it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Would your dad play. Play for the orphans?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, that. No, they, they, they'd had enough, you know what I mean? They've seen enough. They've already been traumatized by their alcoholic stepdad that physically and verbally emotionally molested them. We. God. Yeah, that would have, that would have triggered them like a Vietnam vet hearing a helicopter, you know, I mean, they would have gone off. I hear sweatshirt. Yeah. Your dad could play the trumpet.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's his still.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

My dad couldn't play the. My dad could play the trumpet a little bit, but for some reason he built his whole. I'll tell you what happens. I'll tell you what it is, I think, but you guys can tell me. Everybody sort of needs something to kind of build a life on, to say, hey, let me prove I was alive, you know, like, here's what I did, you know, and every once in a while and you'll understand this example. Like, once in a while I'm a car guy. So once in a while I'll talk to a guy and he'll go, I got a 68 Mustang notchback. Not the original owner, but my stepdad bought it when I was 13. And now I have it now and it's in primer. It's in the garage. Had it for 27 years. Now I'm working on it. Not done yet. Engine's not in. It's my pride and joy. And I'm like, it's $1,300 worth of car. Like, it's literally a 17 year old Mini Cooper with 170,000 miles on it is worth much more. Now I know it's not all worth. I'm just saying. Ford made 200 million of these Notchback Mustangs in 1968. Yours is in primer. It's not the one Steve McQueen drove in Bullitt or anything. It's just. It's $2,000 worth of car and it's in primer and it's never gonna be done. And you're pulling out pictures. Literally they're getting pictures out of, you know, and look at it.

[Dawson]

This is like it's their child.

[Patrick Renna]

I just wanted you to see the craftsmanship that's going into it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And so what I realized is everybody needs something now. If you wrote books or had successful TV shows or something, then you don't go to the Notchback Mustang. You might hop ahead to the book or something. You don't need these little things. But everyone kind of needs to Grab onto something. And my dad had no success in life and had nothing he could brag about but the trumpet. It didn't matter how bad he was. He would still be the only person in the room who could play the trumpet because there'd be six people with air quotes around.

[Adam Carolla]

Play I'm going home.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Right. We found your dad playing trumpet next to a guy playing an organ. Wow. This is your dad?

[Adam Carolla]

That's my. Yeah. You guys did a deep dive. Well, my dad and I started something in the pandemic, too, called Trumpet Tuesday, where he would learn how to play the trumpet version of, like, Jay Z songs.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, really?

[Adam Carolla]

Songs? If you hear a song on the radio and it has, I would always just think, I wonder if I played that for my dad. If he could just pick up his.

[Patrick Renna]

You're not gonna believe me. I've also seen that on TikTok. Yes.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Thanks for watching. Was your dad a big fan of the band Cake?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. We did a lot of Cake covers. I love Cake so much.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Well, you can't do cake cover. There is a trumpet and cake. I mean. Well, it's cheating.

[Adam Carolla]

He's playing the trumpet part. I mean, he's.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

No, but he says trumpet on trumpet crime. That's brass on brass crime right there. He has to play a Jay Z song with no trumpet.

[Patrick Renna]

Give him a break. He's going the distance.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Sorry, I'm not.

[Adam Carolla]

I feel like rejecting your dad's lack of trumpet ability.

[Patrick Renna]

Man, he's mad about that trumpet, let me tell you.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Damn it. If you just hugged me once in a while. Put that trumpet down. I wish you'd held me like you'd held that trumpet, old man.

[Patrick Renna]

Oh, you broke him apart.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I got a spit valve for you. All right, so this is your dad playing again. It's cheating with cake, but we'll. We'll hear him play this.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, boy.

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[Adam Carolla]

We're actually going to play this.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

My dad could never do this.

[Patrick Renna]

I love it. I love it.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my God.

[Patrick Renna]

Here he goes.

[Adam Carolla]

Look at him.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Wow. Regal.

[Adam Carolla]

This is so funny. I never imagined I would come on today and hear my dad. I've never seen this video in my life.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, we got my dad playing the trumpet somewhere on there. Oh, all right. A little more. Your dad.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's very nice.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

All right, after you hear my dad play the trumpet, you're gonna hug your dad so hard next time. You're never gonna let him go.

[Patrick Renna]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And you're gonna weep, and you're gonna just say thank you over and over again. And he's gonna go, what's this about? What's this about?

[Adam Carolla]

I've really taken this for granted. I just.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, wait. You hear my dad play the trumpet.

[Patrick Renna]

Oh, I can't wait, man. Next on Masterpiece Theater.

[Adam Carolla]

Killed it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That's crushing it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it is very funny to watch him do, like, he covered Wap by Cardi B.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That's what I'm saying. Not cake. Wap.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah. There are certain songs that have things that kind of sound like trumpet but aren't, and he will do those notes.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

He can just hear it and do it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, your dad's a genius. All right. Sorry, dude. My. My dad's playing the trumpet somewhere in there.

[Adam Carolla]

What's your dad's name?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Jim.

[Adam Carolla]

Jim.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Jim. Yeah. We have at my computer. He's gonna be missed. Not by people with ears, but.

[Patrick Renna]

Aw, Jim.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

He loved the trumpet. It brought him great joy. But your dad. I mean, foosball. There may never be another man like your dad.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like the Dos Equis guy.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

He's like, the most interesting man in the world.

[Adam Carolla]

He's also a slam poetry champion. I'm telling you what we're. Yeah, he just.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Well, maybe your dad's just a genius.

[Patrick Renna]

Yeah. The champion of obscure hobbies and sports.

[Adam Carolla]

He's extremely smart. I think he just. He figures something out and he likes it, and then he wants to figure the next thing out, and so he just has all these hobbies.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That's good. Now, you see, your mom is wired that way because most women get annoyed by that because the guy ends up going to the basement and he starts working on his Civil War models. And she's like, would you come upstairs already? And he's like, I'm fine finishing. I got a battle going down here.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, opening is short.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Right, right. Okay, we got your dad. I think we got my dad. Now, remember, I want you to hug your dad. I want you to weep. And you just keep saying thank you over and over again. All right, here we go.

[Patrick Renna]

Yo.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I wasn't ready for that. And barely knows how to use a yo, yo. I mean, he's ok, okay? He's not professional. He's fine. He was ranked in an amateur, but he was not professional.

[Adam Carolla]

He can't do walk the dog. He can do drag the dog.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

He drags that dog around. He doesn't go all the way around the world. He'll do the.

[Adam Carolla]

He'll go to Jersey.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, come back. What a crazy life. You know, it's so interesting. Like, Chris Hardwick's dad was a professional bowler, right? And you hear these stories, everyone, and you're like, okay, these people had to have kids somewhere along the line. But that's kind of crazy when you talk about, you know, most people. Like, my mom was a housewife and my dad was a. He was an attorney at a insurance firm or something. I was like, that's your parents?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. It's just, I'm like, the least interesting.

[Patrick Renna]

So wait, how do you make the.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Side informing dad in here?

[Patrick Renna]

No, no, but what pushed you into this kind of comedic lifestyle? You know, it's not normal for women to jump on there. Like, it's. It's different.

[Adam Carolla]

I know. And I. I had no intention of going into it. I went into college as a math major. I thought I was going to be a high school math teacher. At the high school I went to, like, that's how little risk I wanted to take.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Spokane.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. Yeah, that's how little risk I wanted to take in life. I wanted to just, like, get a job that I knew was in demand and just do it. At the high school I went to, like, wanted no change in my life. And then I got to. It was like Calculus three. Halfway through, just brain bleeding out of my ears, I was like, this can't be what I'm supposed to do. And so I switched to a broadcast production major. And one of the first things you have to do is take a public speaking class. And I kept turning my Assignments basically into, like, comedy sketches. And my professor pulled me aside afterward and was like, you're, like, obviously doing way more work than you need to, but it's like, you're so funny. You should do the open mic at the school. You should try this.

[Patrick Renna]

Your math teacher told you?

[Adam Carolla]

No, my public speaking. Oh, my bad.

[Patrick Renna]

Sorry, I got stuck.

[Adam Carolla]

No, it's okay. So, yeah, and it was just kind of one of those things.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Mayhem's teacher pulled him aside and said, you should let someone punch you in the head.

[Patrick Renna]

Yeah, yeah. I got to long division, and they were like, buddy, here's a mouthpiece and a cup. Get in the ring.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

We have your dad playing dmx.

[Patrick Renna]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

You guys will love this.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

All right, now is you. Would you call your dad a ham?

[Patrick Renna]

Kind of. It's got to be, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes and no. He's very normal. If you were to just talk to him, he's not, like, weird and jokey. He would just. He's, like, mild mannered, quiet, nice.

[Patrick Renna]

You got to be serious to. Yo. Yo.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And then he means it. Means he means it. All right, here he is. System of A Down.

[Patrick Renna]

Yeah.

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Well, hold on a second. This is soon posit.

[Patrick Renna]

I'm into it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

This is so weird because I. I'm going out to dinner with System of A down tonight. With Dr. Drew. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God.

[Adam Carolla]

Will you please tell Dr. Drew I say hi?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Hell yeah, I'll tell him. Your dad said, what's up? We'll see how this interview goes. You gotta earn a high, Dr. Drew. If I just told him every yahoo wannabe comedian says hi, I'd be saying him hi all day.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm the only repeat guest on his show.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Okay, all right, all right. I'll bring that up to him. Yeah, me and I just found this out. Okay? I'm living with Dr. Drew, so I get to say hi every day, say.

[Patrick Renna]

Hi all the time in his bathrobe.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I'm displaced from my home in Malibu, so that's all right. I'm living with Dr. Drew.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And 25 years ago, maybe more, me and Dr. Drew went out to dinner with System of a Down and Glendale, which is, you know, kind of armo city, at the Mediterranean place. And we had a lovely sit down meal with them. And then we had a small incident involving an appetizer. Nothing personal, you know, but it was an appetizer.

[Adam Carolla]

Can we know about this incident?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Well, it was. I've said it before. I'll try to make it quick. I think. Who was on the show? Chavo was. I Talking to him about it. So we met System of a Down at a restaurant, a very popular restaurant in Glendale, the Mediterranean type restaurant.

[Patrick Renna]

And put that appetizer upon the table.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yes. And this is kind of before people ate at these kinds of restaurants. I mean, white people, you know, we're talking 1999 here, probably. You know, it's not. It wasn't ubiquitous like kebabs and falafel and stuff like that now. And I'm sort of. That look of food, because it was always that kind of, you want Chinese, you want Mexican, you want a steak, you know. And then Thai food was a little exotic. Indian was a little bit. Didn't really do the Lula kebab and stuff like that. But anyway, Drew and I met them. Now, we used to have a show that ran at 10pm at night, and it ran in Culver City. And there were lots of dinners and events and stuff I would go to. But at about 9:15, 9:20, I'd have to pop up and go, I gotta go get the car from the Valley. We gotta split. Me and Drew would always just get up and leave.

[Patrick Renna]

You wanted to.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, it was kind of no fun. Cause you couldn't really have drinks and stuff. You know, you'd have a glass of wine or something, but you couldn't get your drink on. You couldn't hang. You wanted to. You had to leave, you know. So anyway, we met Sistema down at the restaurant at 7:00 or whatever. And they kept going. As soon as we sat down, they go, you gotta try these appetizers. These appetizers are the best. There's one thing. Cause they know the menu and it's System of a down. And it's 1999 and they're in Glendale and they're the Prince of all Armenians. Because to be fair, with Armenians, it's like they got Sisima down, they got Mark Garrigas, they got Britney Spears ex husband. There's not a lot to choose from in terms of this is not a lot there. You know what I mean?

[Patrick Renna]

You're forgetting the ufc.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Okay. But that's a newer thing. There wasn't even the ufc.

[Patrick Renna]

Oh, you're right. You're right. My bad. Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It's Slim Pickens with Armenian idols.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, back in 1999, Kardashians weren't a thing.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Kardashians weren't a thing.

[Patrick Renna]

Hadn't even Ray J.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It was Slim Pickens. And there weren't any Armenian rock stars. Yeah, for sure.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

So I. So we went in there. And when system of a Down came walking into their restaurant, they were like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. You know, oh, my God. And the staff started running around, you know, filling up water and running around. He wants something to drink, you know, and we sat there and they were treating us like kings, you know, and then they go, you gotta try these appetizers. They do this kind of appetizer with the meat and the thing and the pastry and whatever. It's the best. The best they talk about the whole time. So then the waiter comes by, says, oh, it's a system of down. It's a system of Downey and Gavo or one of John. One of the guys goes, we're gonna get like two orders of the appetizer with the meat and the pastry crust. Okay, so bring those out right away. Bring those first. We'll order later because you guys are gonna love these. And the guy goes, those just for takeout? And he goes, yeah, okay, but just bring them here. Bring them to the table. No, yeah, we don't want to eat them. We're not taking them out. We're just gonna eat them. Appetizers just for takeout, Weird. And he goes, okay, I get it. But we really like to just. We're gonna order a lot, so just bring two plates. You can eat outside. This is not for here.

[Adam Carolla]

What the heck?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And they go, all right, sorry, this is embarrassing. Like, they're looking at me and Drew going, sorry, this is kind of embarrassing. Maybe the guy starts talking to him in his native tongue or something. And the guy's shaking his head. He's like, no, no.

[Patrick Renna]

Why didn't you.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It's on. Take out the menu. Okay, just bring them to here and we'll eat them.

[Patrick Renna]

No.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And the guy's like, we're so sorry. I'm sorry. Maybe he doesn't understand. Get the manager. The system of a down is here. Get the break. Manager comes. The system of down. The system of down. Yeah, we're gonna get the appetizers. We're gonna bring. That is what take out. Yeah, I know. Just bring them here to the. No.

[Patrick Renna]

I don't know why you wouldn't just trust in a self righteous suicide.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Then we're all just sitting there and they're like, God, that's so embarrassing. These are the best thing on the menu. They built them all up. Yeah, we never had them. They would not bring them to the menu.

[Patrick Renna]

It's like the dickens. They don't want to stink up the whole restaurant with that thing.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Who knows I realized at that point, the Armenians love of saying the word no transcends any kind of stardom, rock star, any celebrity, like, no.

[Patrick Renna]

Everything is a distant second to no because they're white.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

No. It's just no. They love.

[Patrick Renna]

They're loving the word no.

[Adam Carolla]

And we never got it anything like that.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And we've been laughing about that story for 25 years, peppers. And at some point we just said, you know what? It's time for a reunion. And we just gotta get back. We're going back to the same restaurant. No way we're gonna order those appetizers.

[Adam Carolla]

Are you gonna eat there or are you gonna get it to go? I mean, what are we doing here? You're gonna go your whole life not knowing what these taste like?

[Patrick Renna]

Dr. Drew in the parking lot with a mouthful of pita?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, yeah, I don't. I feel like we can get them now. Like, kinda like, remember McDonald's always cut their breakfast off at like 10:30 in the morning and like, why don't you just serve it all day? I don't get it. I don't get it. You know? And then at some point they just went, oh, fuck it, you can buy it whenever you want. Or whatever.

[Adam Carolla]

Just hungover. You want a hash brow at 3:00pm?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, my God.

[Adam Carolla]

Praise God.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I used to dream I had a fantasy. Because you ever had a thing where it wasn't 11, it was like 10:30 when they'd lock. And once your brain gets locked into that sausage McMuffin, it's like laser tractor beam. Nothing else.

[Adam Carolla]

Nothing else will do.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Nothing else. Yeah, you're hungover and you just go, I'm gonna get it. I'm gonna get two of those. And you get locked in and you come pulling in at like 10:35, and they go, no breakfast. And you go, but to 11, right? To 11. And they go, no, it's 10.

[Patrick Renna]

Part of that movie. Falling down. He started a shooting rampage because of that. In. Yeah, Michael Douglas.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I had a fantasy. Now it would have to be Sunday mornings because people have to go Saturday night, they got to get their drink on, right? And when they knocked it off at 10:30, and I would just go there at 9:45, and I'd order 35 egg McMuffins. And I would just stand there in the parking lot, you know, and I'd see people look dejected in their face and they'd come around, I'd go, oh, do you want to want a sausage McMuffin? And they'd go, oh, fuck, yeah, I do. I'd go be $121. The chick would be like, I only have $80. I'm like, okay, maybe a blowjob. I don't know. Let me see. I'm feeling generous.

[Patrick Renna]

Surge pricing takes over.

[Adam Carolla]

You're a maker of.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Speaking of surge, I was one of the guys from Sister McDowell. Got turned down.

[Patrick Renna]

Exactly right.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

But seriously, I think you could sell one. You could sell one for, like, $30.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Like, just a.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Someone in my bracket. I just go, I'll give you 30 bucks. I'll take. I'll take the sandwich. I want it so bad.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my God. So my boyfriend, Chad Daniels, also a comedian, been on your show before?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, Chad.

[Adam Carolla]

He used to do shows. I think it was House of comedy in Minneapolis, which is in a mall, and there was maybe like, a Chili's or an Applebee's next door.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, Chad. Chad. Yeah. Beautiful beard. Six dollars. Beautiful beard.

[Adam Carolla]

Beautiful man. Yep, Beautiful beard. He. When he was coming up in comedy to try to make extra money between shows, he would go get one of the, like, waiting for the table buzzers and put his name down. And then if there was a family of, like, six that was, like, dying to get in, but the wait was an hour, Chad would go up and be like, 20 bucks.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Really?

[Adam Carolla]

He didn't want to eat there. He just wanted to have that hustle of, like, can I just make another 20, 30 bucks? He's scalping the Applebee's to a family that wanted to cut the line.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I'd do that with my dad. I'd go start playing the trumpet, and eventually they'll start pulling money after you get you to stop. That's why I made my cash as a young comedian.

[Adam Carolla]

That way my ears could be eating.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I can't take anymore. What's it going to take to get your lips off that trumpet, old man?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, God.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I'll pay anything.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, Jim.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, I forgot about Chad. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he's the best.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Now when I hear his jokes, I think about you, though.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Oh, and when you hear mine, you can think about him both.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Well, you know, some of them are situations. You know, they're intimate. I don't know. I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

His daughter unfollowed me on Instagram.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

How Some of my jokes about him just like I did.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, it's cool. But how does that work when. I mean, let's be honest. When comedians, and especially me, go, that's just joking about whatever race. Fill in whatever race or whoever I'm talking about. I'm not joking. I mean it. I mean, every joke I say, I try to put a little flavor on it. But the reason I thought of it is cause I mean it. You know, I may be busting my dad's chops, but do not genuinely hate your joke. He's not hurt. Valper. That I will tell you right now. So there's always something there, right? And so when you, you know, when you start telling these stories, sometimes they're a little intimate because a little sexual tone to them or what have you, which, by the way, you have to do because you're trying to get a laugh. You're not telling boring, mundane, you know, G rated stuff. But then somebody's related to somebody and hears something at some point, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I mean, it's so weird. It's weird for my parents to hear stuff like that and then have Chad over for dinner. It's weird for his kids to hear it. But it's also, it's like, this is my career. You can't become a completely different person just because you're worried about your parents hearing it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Would your parents, would they seek it out? Like, do they need to hear it?

[Adam Carolla]

They. So I always was like, you guys can listen to whatever you want. You can come to my shows. That's all fine. But just know, like, I am dirty sometimes. The only time I told them I don't want you to watch this was my this is not happening story on Comedy Central. When I. When I was in high school, the first time I tried to masturbate, I used a manicure tool. I didn't know I was allergic to latex. Everything spilled shut. I had to go to the em.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Wow. Yeah, you gotta keep him out for that.

[Adam Carolla]

I was like, you don't. I don't need you.

[Patrick Renna]

Well, when you say it all clinical like that, I feel bad for you.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Thank you so much.

[Patrick Renna]

It's not very funny though, you know? It is a funny. Yeah, it's a funny story. But man, when you say it like that, I'm just. There's some kind of cream involved, I hope.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, it was absolutely traumatic. I mean, that's like your first sexual experience as a teenager. You think you're doing this, like, very private. Oh, I'm just trying to figure out what's down there. And then everything swells shut. I had to tell my mom I wasn't old enough to drive, so I had to tell her what happened and she had to take me to the clinic.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

What, Sorry, what? Device was inserted because I'm not a beautician.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like the things you see on, like, home shopping network where it's like. It's a handle, but then you put little different attachments to buff your nails. But the handle was, like, shaped like a dick. I mean, if you were a teenager, nobody would look at that and be.

[Patrick Renna]

Like, not think it's a dick.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You're like, that's going inside.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And also, everything's shaped like a dick when you're a teenager. Clouds, flagpoles, they're all dick shape.

[Adam Carolla]

This has been said a million times. But, like, I think if dudes, if you guys just had a hole down there, like a mystery hole, you would have been shoving shit up there.

[Patrick Renna]

Oh, we do, baby.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I'd be finding army men from when I was 11 now. You know what I mean? I'd just sit on the toilet and an army man would fall in. I'd go, oh, this is my dad's.

[Adam Carolla]

First apartment Christmas Eve.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, I would never. I'd invite my parents to all the stuff I did, except for a short run when I was with puppetry of the penis. And that's the only show, you know, and the puppetry of the penis. A lot of same moves your dad would do with the yo yo. We would do, you know, around the world.

[Adam Carolla]

I want to puke in my mouth right now thinking about this stuff. Horrifying.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

How did puppetry of the penis even take off? I mean, I mean, is that really.

[Patrick Renna]

Nah. Because women like to see us degrade ourselves.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

All right, Mayhem. Give me one news story so we can say we did the news before.

[Patrick Renna]

We break the news. Let's get after this. I want to hear your take on this. A former student who got the New Jersey teacher pregnant at 13. Okay, you follow me? He wants her charges dropped, and he wants to be a family. Yeah. Controversial case in New Jersey has taken an unexpected term is a former student who fathered a child with his teacher at the age of 13 is now publicly defending her and calling for the charges to be dropped.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Now, how old is he now?

[Patrick Renna]

Now he's 19, going, OK, all right.

[Adam Carolla]

And how old is she?

[Patrick Renna]

She is 34 years old. So she was a teenager while he was 12. Yeah, she.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, she was 12 or 13 and he was 12, and she was like, 29 or something or whatever. Or 28.

[Adam Carolla]

That's so disgusting.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Okay, if I was the attorney for the young lady, the teacher, and I did not want her to do time for this statutory rape crime, I would then take the young boy, and I would say, you do not want her to do time, do you? And he would say, no, I do not. And I would say, then you have to convert to Judaism. You're 13, you convert to Judaism, we give you a bat mitzvah, a bar mitzvah, and then you become a man. So you are technically in the eyes of the Lord, of the Lord, you are a man. You are thus entitled to violate a woman as a man. This is no longer statutory rape. You are in fact a man. That's why, wait outside of the quinceiras.

[Adam Carolla]

She's beautiful. It's like you could have absolutely gotten men your own. It is weird when it's like, why.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Are we that version? You know what you're doing? You're chicksplaining because you're doing the version of when you see a decent looking dude and you go, you didn't have to rape. You could have gotten laid on your own.

[Adam Carolla]

Interesting.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

But it's true. You go, yeah, you didn't have to be a rape. But I think that's their kink, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Again, this is of course nothing to do with looks. I just think there is no.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I agree with you, you're right. She could have met a fucking normal dude and had sex with him, but that wouldn't have been the point, I think.

[Adam Carolla]

Of course it's not the point, but when you read a, like if I hadn't seen the picture and it's just a story of like a New Jersey teacher fucked a 13 year old. You don't picture a girl who looks like that.

[Patrick Renna]

Nah, you know what?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

She's got good bones.

[Patrick Renna]

She looks like a kid fucker. That's what I say.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Let me doubt her.

[Patrick Renna]

Says she's something in her eyes and in her orange jumpsuit.

[Adam Carolla]

There's a darkness to her soul.

[Patrick Renna]

That's what I mean. Yeah, she got lost along the way.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

12 year old boy staying at her house. But let me say this, you, as an adult and attractive adult woman having sex with a 12 or 13 year old boy, have a opportunity that most Americans never realize, which is blowing someone's mind, you know what I mean? She could be 30 and she could go to an Applebee's and have a little small talk with the bar back who's 41 and he could take her back to his place and bang her on a futon and he may be happy about it, but his mind isn't blown, you know what I mean? You get to be there while the 13 year old dude's mind is blowing, you know what I'm saying? Like, because when you get older, you could be getting naked as the chick. You could be getting naked in the room. The guy could be looking at his phone. You know what I mean? Like, I'm over at Grubhub. You want something? 13 year old naked.

[Patrick Renna]

Blowjob, Cirque du Soleil.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Mind blown. Mind blown. And you get to experience wonderment. Like giving a retarded kid, you know, giving a retarded kid a Corvette or something. I just watch and go like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. You know, so you could have that. You don't have that with Chad.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Patrick Renna]

You're gonna make it back to being a math teacher.

[Adam Carolla]

Very truly, very happy. I moved to Minnesota in the month of January to live with him. So that's when you know it's true.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I'm not slighting the man. I'm saying you get naked, you walk through the house. He's still staring at his phone. His mind isn't blown is what I'm saying.

[Adam Carolla]

13 year old, not like a 13 year old.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I'm saying if you would have got him when he was 13, it could be mine. And you'd be the recipient of the blown mine.

[Patrick Renna]

A sense of wonder.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Give us some thought, would you, please?

[Adam Carolla]

It's so good.

[Patrick Renna]

I got a related story if you want to get to it. Schools nationwide banned Crocs, citing safety concerns over the slippery shoes and twisted ankles. I have firsthand experience with this. Some of the kids in the jiu jitsu class as well as kids around the house are wearing Crocs.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

How can they be slippery? Everybody works in a kitchen, in a restaurant wears Crocs. Every nurse wears Crocs. How could they be slippery? You're walking through tile with grease and vomit and whatever all over the place. Nurse, chef, you know what I mean?

[Adam Carolla]

You combine those two.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I combine them because the nurse has got bile on the ground. On Kyle, you're back. You got shortening and fat and lard. Never. What?

[Patrick Renna]

You're right. Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Don't buy it.

[Patrick Renna]

Well, but kids, they don't have a good sense of their body yet. And they're.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Patrick Renna]

Twisting ankles gained massive popularity amongst children. Do their bright colors, customizable charm. And these slip on design. But critics argue the features make them very appealing. Also make them dangerous.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I'm against Crocs too, but it's. I don't know. I'd argue they're dangerous.

[Adam Carolla]

Only ever running. Like that's all they do is run. So, I mean, an adult nurse probably not act in the same way. So maybe we just. Maybe as adults, we haven't tested Crocs the way that kids are.

[Patrick Renna]

You're right.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

But also, I use it as a useful tool. Cause if I see anyone who's like, bedazzled their Crocs, I'm like, oh, that's a young gay kid. We gotta have him talk to somebody. Life's gonna. He's probably struggling right now. He's probably got a lot of feelings he's scared to share. He doesn't know who he is. Let's just sit down with him, tell him it's okay that people have feelings and sometimes they feel for, you know, folks that look like them. And that's okay. If I see the bedazzled Croc with the ankle strap kicked forward.

[Patrick Renna]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I'm like, okay, it's gay. Yeah, I gotta put those in. Now. This is why we counsel. That's why you have to have counselors talk to him. I wish someone had got hold of Chad.

[Patrick Renna]

Also in the news, Mandy Moore blast Amazon for delivering packages to in laws burned down home.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, in law, yes.

[Patrick Renna]

Actress and singer Mandy Moore has publicly criticized Amazon after one of the delivery drivers left the package at her in laws residence, which was completely burned down.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Now I'm gonna do some math. We probably lost more structures in Altadena, California. Yes, but that's kind of where the poor people live. That's where my dad and his trumpet lived. Mandy Moore probably married up. You know, she's good looking, you know, she was a child star, all that stuff. So her in laws are in Malibu. Probably Palisades, I'm guessing, but not Altadena. She's not marrying into a poor family. So I don't know where this is. You know where it is.

[Patrick Renna]

This is in Malibu. Yeah, I don't know exactly where I'm gonna do it. Docks, their empty lot.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Patrick Renna]

But yeah, they left. I don't know. This to me is on the delivery driver. Kind of like, why on earth were you not, you know, did you just drive by in the dark and throw that out the window? Because it's ashes. Heap of ashes. Yeah. A house that no longer exists. She's drumming up some news for yelling at Amazon, but it's really just one delivery driver who wasn't paying attention.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

True. Also, people have boundless energy for stuff. You know, like I just don't have enough energy to go after Amazon or.

[Adam Carolla]

Even, oh my God.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, you've got to write something. And then people talking about, now you demand an apology. Start a Facebook group. Yeah, it seems like this seems Like a calorie burner.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. The amount of money I've wasted on things that should be returned, but I'm just too lazy to actually.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, my God. I was really. I was sitting here going, I've never returned anything in my life.

[Adam Carolla]

It's exhausting.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And I'm like. I just. It's a hassle. You know what I mean? And so I just take it, you know, or keep it. Normally, if I ordered a short shirt on Amazon and it showed up and it was two sizes too small, I would just walk into work and I'd find somebody that was about. And I thought, there's your shirt.

[Adam Carolla]

I've tried to really limit my online shopping for clothes because it's the same thing. It's like, you don't get to try them on until they get to your house, and then it's like they just sit and collect dust. Or I donate them, but I'm not. But.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

So where's Mandy get the energy? She may not be gainfully employed right.

[Patrick Renna]

Now, but I don't think she's working, so. Yeah, she's got plenty of time to Karen it up.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

All right, well, you know what? Someone should tell her. We should start a rumor. We'll do it right now.

[Patrick Renna]

Cool. I'm into it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

The Amazon driver saw this, his supervisor saw it, he got fired, and he killed himself. Let's put that out there, and let's see what. Let's have. Manny. He had a pregnant wife. She miscarried, he was out of work, and he took his own life. Let's do it. Let's get that and see what. Man, then she's gonna have to release something that talks about being sorry and never intended any. Let's just start a rumor that the guy drove the FedEx truck killed himself.

[Patrick Renna]

The funeral service for the Amazon driver who killed himself after Manny Moore got him fired will be on Friday.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Okay. Does he have a GoFundMe? I'd like to contribute.

[Patrick Renna]

You got a GoFundMe at Backslash MayhemMiller?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, because he did have one. The child was. She miscarried. But he did have a child from a previous marriage, and he's gonna need.

[Patrick Renna]

The child is now orphaned. Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

The amount of things that have happened, I would have had no. Watching my dad play trumpet in Cathedral and then starting brutal rumors about Mandy Moore.

[Patrick Renna]

And welcome to the Adam Carolla Show.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I don't know if it's a rumor. I don't know if it happened. I don't know if it didn't happen. I can't say. Neither can you. We don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

In the driver's defense, it's like, should he have just taken it back to headquarters? Like, would a message have been sent to the Amazon account? I don't. It's like, do they get trained for this? Yeah.

[Patrick Renna]

No, you get a delivery receipt. You know, it's out in front of your ashes.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, yeah, it's like, what do you. This is also. It's like an unprecedented thing. I don't know if they had been trained on, like, what do you do if you.

[Patrick Renna]

Maybe it was just AI. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Patrick Renna]

And they didn't recognize the dust.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I had a morbid thought, which is they. People go back and they have to sift through the rubble of seeing if they could find something. I would say the number one thing that survived the fire would be urns with relatives. Ashes not in them anymore. But the urn itself. You know, the TV set's no good. The washer dryer's no good. But the urn still there. That's reusable. And now there's plenty of ashes. All right, Kelsey, let me give you a plug. Mark youk Territory. Name of the new special available on Hulu and YouTube.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Thank you.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Come back anytime. Give. Chad, I would love to.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you so much, my love. God, I hope you get those appetizers. I'm really gonna be thinking of you.

[Patrick Renna]

Why don't you put your keys up on the table? You wanted to. Why don't you appetize it on the table? You want to?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah. Maybe they ordered too fast and the guy misunderstood. We'll put appetizer on the table.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you so much for having me.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

All right, we'll take a quick break. Patrick Renn is gonna be here right after this. Morgan and Morgan. Well, a lot of people were impacted by the fires here in Los Angeles. I can tell you I'm one of those people because I've not been but been able to return to my home for. It's been over a month now, coming on a month and a half. So it's been estimated that the damage so far has totaled more than $250 billion. There are claims that insurance companies canceled thousands of homeowners fire policies in the months leading up to the fires. Were those cancellations legal? Well, we're going to find out. Morgan and Morgan, America's largest injury law firm, has helped millions of families in their times of need. And I'd say. I'd say now's the time of need. Your house burned to the ground. They were there for the PGE wildfires and also the Maui wildfires as well. So this ain't their first rodeo. So now they can be here again to help you and your family if you've been affected by the Los Angeles wildfires. It's Morgan and Morgan, right? Dawson if you're ever injured, you can.

[Patrick Renna]

Check out Morgan and Morgan.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Their fee is free unless they win. For more information, go to for the people.com Adam or dial pound law pound.

[Patrick Renna]

529 from your cell phone.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That's f o r the people.com Adam.

[Patrick Renna]

Or pound law pound 529 from your cell.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

This is a paid advertisement. Oh, oh, oh. O'Reilly Auto Parts. Bam. You know the song, right? Learn the business of keeping your car on the road. O'Reilly Auto Parts offers friendly, helpful service and all the parts knowledge you need to maintain and repair your automobile. Always been an O'Reilly guy. Used to go the one out in North Hollywood when I was over there. Then I moved to La Crescenta, went to the one up on Foothill. Still swing by there every once in a while because I'm a hands on guy. So whether you're a car aficionado or an auto novice, you'll find the employees at O'Reilly Auto Parts are knowledgeable, helpful and best off, they're friendly because some of those auto parts guys can be a little, a little tough around the edges. Stop by O'Reilly Auto Parts today or you can visit us@o'reillyauto.com Adam that's o'reillyauto.com Adam Pluto TV is the place for.

[Kelsey Cook]

Movie fans like me and TV fans like me.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

They've got something for everyone and it's totally free.

[Kelsey Cook]

You can binge laugh out loud sitcoms.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Like Frasier and rewatch cult classics like Higher Learning.

[Kelsey Cook]

Whether you're in the mood to solve.

[Adam Carolla]

A little crime before bedtime with NCIS.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Or Tracker or curl up with a surefire hit like Forrest Gump Run Forest.

[Kelsey Cook]

Pluto TV has thousands of movies and shows, all for free.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Pluto TV stream now pay never.

[Patrick Renna]

It's time to check Adam's voicemail.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Hey Adam, this is Kevin from Georgia. Just wanted to know your thoughts on where all the debris will have to go in LA since there's so much of it. How do you how will they handle all that? Thanks. Peace.

[Patrick Renna]

You can leave us a message at 888-634-1744.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It'll go to wherever the poor people live. You know Sun Valley? Sunland. That's where all the dumps that's where all the dumps are. Well, that's how it works. You gotta go find the cheap land and dump stuff on the. Where the cheap land is, and the poor people live next to the cheap land. That's.

[Dawson]

You think it goes west, not east like that, like, isn't there. There's some stuff east there that's.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I've been to the dump, like, you know, quite a few times in my life because I used to do construction, you know, and the construction dumps, like, sort of out here where you dump debris when you're doing would be Sunlands, Sun Valley, Eagle Rock.

[Dawson]

They have that dump in Eagle Rock.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, there was one up a hill, like in Eagle Rock. That's kind of interesting. I've said it a million times. But they shouldn't charge people to dump stuff. The reason there's junk everywhere in Los Angeles is because they charge you a lot of money. They charge. The people that are dumping stuff are poor. They charge them 200 bucks to dump stuff and they go, fuck it, I'll dump it in the street at night. I don't.

[Dawson]

I've had a few people pick stuff up in my house and I look at them and go, that's not going to the dump visit. That's going to my neighbor's backyard.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, yeah, yeah. You do, like, construction work. You mean sofa or something?

[Dawson]

Yeah, when I'm doing. I. I built an adu. I have a little construction background.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, you did, uh.

[Patrick Renna]

Oh, just open up a cam pal, right?

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Patrick Renna]

What do you mean, construction background, though?

[Dawson]

Well, my stepdad is a general contractor, so I just kind of grew up around it. And I've just always been a handy guy, you know, Like, I got a tool set and. I know, right?

[Patrick Renna]

Tool set. You got a tool set?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

A tool.

[Patrick Renna]

What kind of tool set?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Canner. I mean, McKenna.

[Patrick Renna]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

No, it's. It's. It's good to know. I would argue that some skills, like home skills, like, here's what I would say and, you know, I don't think people like me, but I would say this. I would say it's good for a woman to have a couple of skills around the house that are in the feminine department. It's good. You should be able to make an omelette or some lasagna or something, take care of a little business in that department. And by the same token, it's nice if her man can go clean the gutters or fix, you know, change a pane of glass if there's a broken window or something like that. I don't know why we have to frown upon that now. We live in a world where no one knows how to do jack squat. And somehow we celebrate it. But I'm secure. Two people, helpless, sitting at home, who have to call TaskRabbit for everything.

[Dawson]

Well, it's true. And if, you know, the apocalypse happens, then we're all screwed.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Dawson]

Can't do anything.

[Patrick Renna]

You guys are.

[Dawson]

You look like a man.

[Patrick Renna]

I'm gonna be like, a mercenary.

[Dawson]

Well, I definitely can fix a thing.

[Patrick Renna]

Yeah. Apocalypse coming. I'm just gonna eat everyone else.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I forgot to tell everybody. And there's even a picture of it when I was yesterday up on the roof. Speaking of the apocalypse, of my place, which I thought was untouched by the fire, I found a corner of a roof where the leaves were piled up. And they were burned.

[Patrick Renna]

No.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

So it actually got on my roof, set a fire onto my roof, and then burnt. Burnt out in the corner, but there was charred.

[Dawson]

Where are you?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

In Malibu.

[Dawson]

Okay. Wow.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Patrick Renna]

Serious?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, some guy dropped a package off in front of my house and Mandy Moore went apeshit on the guy.

[Dawson]

Did you hear what happened to the guy? He died.

[Patrick Renna]

Oh.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That's why I heard he killed himself.

[Patrick Renna]

Well, he's, well, unfortunate.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, right.

[Dawson]

Believe it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Mandy Moore rats the guy out and he killed himself. It gets to his supervisor. His supervisor says, we gotta let you go because she's very, you know, she's a big star. And we wouldn't normally cut you loose, but they cut him loose. Wife miscarries.

[Dawson]

No, no, no. That's not true.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, that.

[Dawson]

Oh, that was. That was a little. That was a sub.

[Patrick Renna]

The man. I know the man has the family. Yeah. His services are on Friday.

[Dawson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

We start. There's a GoFundMe for it. But you're saying it's just folklore that she miscarries? Yeah.

[Dawson]

Yeah. There's always something extra.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Right? All right. But he killed himself.

[Dawson]

You can believe almost everything.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And Mandy needs to know what she did to that man.

[Dawson]

Terrible.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Horrible. Horrible.

[Patrick Renna]

Yeah, Mandy's a terrible person.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

So, Patrick, obviously, Sandlot, best known for. But many other iconic movie everyone loves. Yes.

[Patrick Renna]

What a weird thing to put on a man's shoulders, huh? To be that character with the mallows and all that. You know, you get so many people yelling the lines from the movie because I'm restraining myself from screaming in your face.

[Dawson]

You know, I get it. I get it a good way.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

What are the iconic movies? Let's see if we can work this out.

[Dawson]

Sure.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Okay. So it's not Gone with the Wind. Or Citizen Kane.

[Patrick Renna]

And that's not.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

These aren't. We need movies like Goonies.

[Dawson]

Sure.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Which like capture something. Maybe Princess Bride.

[Dawson]

Absolutely.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And it's a. It's an age bracketed thing. Like how old are you? When did you see this? When did you see A Christmas Story?

[Dawson]

Sandlot Goonies for sure.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

My era was you guys. Yeah, it is kind of sandlot Goonies in that department. But it's an interesting way to define a genre because we're not defining the best film and we're not defining movies with the biggest stars or whatever. But the one that everyone kind of knows that the. I guess knowing the characters names.

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Maybe even more so than the actors names.

[Patrick Renna]

Beloved, I think is the word you're looking for. Like, we love it. Spoke to the adults of the generation, but mostly the kids. And it like, we grew with it every summer that, you know, was on.

[Dawson]

But it's not necessarily Oscar. It's not.

[Patrick Renna]

Yeah, it's not Oscar, but it's. You feel good about it? Like it feels. It's. It's oatmeal.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, yeah. Like I would say comfort food.

[Patrick Renna]

Exactly. Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You know, you gotta know that, like I would say like Pulp Fiction. I would go, John Travolta was great in that. But I wouldn't remember his character name, like right off the top.

[Dawson]

Interesting.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Vincent. Yeah. But it would take us.

[Patrick Renna]

I love that movie so much.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I would. I would name Bing Rhams and stuff, but I would sort of not know the name.

[Dawson]

I can name all the name of the Goonies characters, but not necessarily their real names, like Daniel Chung.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

So I think that's one component of it where you have the character names. And now we're getting into. I don't find the definition of it, but there's a category of music and it escapes me to talk about all the time. And I'll figure it out here. It's a song that you really love, but you'd be embarrassed if somebody came in and you were listening to it. But yeah, everyone loves it.

[Dawson]

Yeah, I have a lot of those.

[Patrick Renna]

Mambo number five.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

No, that's just bad. That's just bad.

[Dawson]

The thing is, my favorite type of music is female power ballads.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Me too.

[Dawson]

So that's. It's probably like. What's that song from? A Little Mermaid?

[Patrick Renna]

A Whole New World.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I was thinking more like Vixen.

[Dawson]

Wait, which one?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

There's female power ballad. All right. If you play Vixen.

[Dawson]

Yeah, Now I've done it again.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Play.

[Dawson]

No, I don't know that.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Edge of a Broken Heart by Vic. Well, so you're talking more musical than rock. When I hear power ballad, I picture like 80s 80s band or something. No, no, no.

[Dawson]

Like, yeah, vocal like Whitney Houston, like. Although I would never be embarrassed playing Whitney Houston.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Okay, here comes. Here comes Vixen.

[Dawson]

Here comes Vixen.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Here comes Vixen.

[Dawson]

I think I've heard this song cuz.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Probably be the name of their first album.

[Patrick Renna]

Yeah, I'm already in.

[Dawson]

I'm not embarrassed.

[Patrick Renna]

I'm totally catching leather. This is so 80s though. I love it. Dog those boots.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, had to have a look in the 80s, didn't you?

[Patrick Renna]

Oh, you unlocked a fetish for me, I think. Oh my goodness.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Now it's. This is like a real band or is it just kind of created thing?

[Patrick Renna]

Created, yeah. Created, Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I mean, it's like Menudo.

[Patrick Renna]

Yes. They like assembled a team like the Power Rangers, right? Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Like there's no fat Vixen, right?

[Patrick Renna]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's not even a Not hot one. They're all smoking.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

John, is there some fat dude in the studio playing the guitar Legend? Heck.

[Patrick Renna]

Oh my God.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Corolla.

[Patrick Renna]

Where did he pull this?

[Dawson]

I know. I actually don't know that.

[Patrick Renna]

Yeah, me ne.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I thought for a second this is a chick power ballad. Ah, yeah.

[Patrick Renna]

Oh, a double guitar. She knows how to play. She knows how to play.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You know what's always great about men? We're like that chicks. She's too good looking. She don't know how to do anything.

[Patrick Renna]

Yeah, right? Yeah, that's stupid.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

But look at us. We're all hot and we're skilled. We're super skilled.

[Patrick Renna]

Killing it.

[Dawson]

Give me a broken window pane. I'll fix that.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That's right. The girls from Vixen did play their own instruments.

[Patrick Renna]

Sick. No, I mean, I believe it, but they win all over the country to find these girls. They're like, oh, you're going to play.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

The drone on the edge of a broken heart. This is 80s skinny boots, chick.

[Patrick Renna]

And a poison jacket.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

All right, hold on. Okay, is there a live version of this song? That sounds horrible though. That's.

[Patrick Renna]

That's the fun part.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That's the fun part. Yeah. Then we'll really know about Vixen. So I'm sorry, where was I? Oh, by the way, the phrase was called a tool tune. The definition is you would be listening in your car, but if you stopped at a red light, you would roll the window up. So other people like Vixen. Edge of a Broken Heart. I may be cranking that up, but if Somebody pulled up next to me, I would roll the window up. Cause I wouldn't want them to know I was digging a tool tune. You know, I might.

[Dawson]

I might roll up for that one. You would roll up for Brixton and I definitely. For a whole new world.

[Patrick Renna]

Yeah. Really loud.

[Dawson]

And maybe some tears start flowing. I'm not gonna lie.

[Patrick Renna]

Well, the seaweed is always greener.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Everything.

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I knew. Was good friends with Sherry Stoner, who was a groundling and then met her at the Acme Theater, who was a cute little waifish, funny comedic actress who was the body model for Ariel. Nice. They needed to illustrate, you know, 1991 or something. They needed to draw something that existed.

[Dawson]

Oh, wow.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It's kind of interesting, right?

[Dawson]

That is.

[Patrick Renna]

That's pretty interesting.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

She was a writer. I think she still is. I mean, she worked, you know, she was a comedian and stuff like that. But she had this little petite, little cute, little smelt a bit fishy. Yeah. And it worked. You got Edge of a Broken Heart live.

[Patrick Renna]

Oh, nice.

[Dawson]

Oh, no.

[Patrick Renna]

Yep. We're doing it. We're in here.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Sometimes it doesn't work out, but sometimes it works.

[Dawson]

It's gonna be shattered. Our hopes and dreams.

[Patrick Renna]

Tasty lick.

[Dawson]

So far so good.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Okay. They didn't do a lot of pyrotechnics because with that much hair.

[Patrick Renna]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And that much Aquanet. Okay. All right.

[Dawson]

That's not bad.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Someone owes. Owes Vixen an apology. Well, we'll wait till it gets to the chorus.

[Dawson]

I mean, it's like, really good.

[Patrick Renna]

Yeah, Yeah. I want to do a workout montage right now. Training for a fight.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Up on the high hat back there.

[Patrick Renna]

Right.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I just found your two new favorite songs. Hold on. The Arabian two. The. The corner they may have was. Check another chick. It's hard to tell in the 80s fans.

[Patrick Renna]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Okay. All right.

[Dawson]

Well, we're screwed.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Patrick Renna]

Drummers chop their hair off.

[Dawson]

Apparently you can be good looking and talented, so.

[Patrick Renna]

They did it enough, boys.

[Dawson]

All right.

[Patrick Renna]

That's how we did it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

All right, so what were we talking about?

[Patrick Renna]

This guy wrote a children's book called Sluggard's Guide to the Unwritten Rules of Baseball.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That's right. Is that out as we speak?

[Dawson]

Comes out February 25th.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

All right, so it's coming. So it's around the corner. But you pre order it. Pre order it, go to Amazon and.

[Dawson]

There'S like, autographed copies for the first bunch.

[Patrick Renna]

They got you with a cartoon. I don't know. Yeah, maybe.

[Dawson]

Yeah, I'm in. Like, there's a.

[Patrick Renna]

An Homage to the ham character.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You go.

[Patrick Renna]

The great hambino.

[Dawson]

Yes.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

If you pre order on Amazon, it'll land on your doorstep the day it is released. And speaking of Amazon, did you guys hear this whole thing with me?

[Patrick Renna]

No. You're not talking about the Mandy Moore thing, are you?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

She made such a fuss online about this Amazon guy that he got, you know, there's a gold fire. Oh, okay. But he killed himself. You know, he's a father, too.

[Patrick Renna]

It's a shame.

[Dawson]

Fired.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

The whole miscarriage thing, that was just smoking. That didn't happen. That's the end of the year. I thought I could come in here.

[Dawson]

And set the record straight up.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah. Cause we wouldn't know.

[Dawson]

You never would have known.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Well, also, you know, I report the news.

[Dawson]

Yes.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You know what I mean? And I don't do fake news, and I don't do misinformation or disinformation. You see what I'm saying? So I want to get this Mandy Moore story straight. We got to keep it accurate now. All right? So you know what I am angry about with delivery guys?

[Kelsey Cook]

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[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I started noticing walking around about a 7,000% uptick in bottles of piss thrown about the neighborhood. And I said, I came in here a couple years ago and I was like, how come every time I take a walk, I find a bottle of piss? Like it's a drinking. You know, it's a water bottle that some guy's pissed in and fucking chucked. Who is doing this? And then where was this? Where was this five years ago? I didn't see bottles of piss, like, thrown around. And someone said, every single one of these delivery drivers, they're all out making the rounds. It's la. You try to go in and you go to a gas station and ask the friendly gentleman behind the counter if you can use the commode. You'll get yelled at. You can't. So there's no what? First off, we have a crazy homeless problem, right? So all the Stores go bathroom out of order or. Oh, you have to be. You need a code to get into the bathroom. Customers only have to purchase something. So these guys driving all day in a truck, drinking, drinking monster energy drinks and on a schedule. And in a society where there is no bathroom to use in la, you go to Wisconsin, you can walk into a liquor store and go, hey man, I gotta use the bathroom. Right that way. Not in la. So now what? Piss in the bottle. Now your piss bottles rolling around your cube truck. And you swing in front of Mandy Moore's in law's place and you put that fire out. Yeah. You chuck the bottle. And thus I find the bottle of piss.

[Dawson]

It's not just delivery guys, guys. I had a really close friend of mine that was a private investigator and he would sit in his car and spy on people. He did the same.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You have to piss in a bottle.

[Dawson]

Gatorade bottles.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Really?

[Dawson]

So we'd get big, like, don't drink that. That's right.

[Patrick Renna]

Guys, guys, wait up. I'm finishing.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, yeah, Gatorade's got a big, big birth. Got a big mouth. Yeah, you need, you need stuff a little Coke bottles.

[Dawson]

Even if you're not like, you know.

[Patrick Renna]

Shove it in there with your thumb like a man. Keep driving 60 miles an hour.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

So you had a friend who was a P.I.

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Patrick Renna]

And he did that all day long.

[Dawson]

Sitting there, blacked out, windows shade in front of the car, trying to. It was for like insurance cases. So he just.

[Patrick Renna]

All day long waiting for you to look like you got too much of.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

A spry step there to lift something.

[Dawson]

A little too heavy for that back.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Interesting.

[Dawson]

So he pee in the Gatorade bottles.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Wow. Yeah, I love those, I love stories when the guy claims his back's too messed up to work at his desk job, but then they show him at the rodeo and they're like, oh, we got filming you at the rodeo.

[Dawson]

Oh, he would catch these guys, like doing. Lifting coolers over their head. You just go home and you just catch them doing all sorts of stuff.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I never. What I never got with like modern day work, but maybe it's because I'm a dick, but I used to work construction and there was such a thing as you being too fucked up to get up on the roof and like haul pieces of plywood up there and nail it off or whatever. Once we made it inside of the office with the air conditioning and the cubicle and the ergonomically designed chair, and then you have people going like, yeah, I'm not gonna make it in today, I'd be like, what's up? And they go, ah, man, I'm just not feeling good, you know. They go, what are you gonna do? I'm just gonna sit home, watch tv, make. Play some video games, maybe rub one out, watch some you porn. I'm like, what are you doing here that's so different than you drive an automatic? You can come and sit here. You don't have to. Yeah, you're sitting.

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

If you're in a fetal position on your bathroom floor, that's one thing. But if you're just sitting, like, whose back is too fucked up that they can't do data entry is what I'm saying.

[Dawson]

Yeah, Construction, it's legit, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dawson]

You're 30.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

So your brand would go catch them. He'd catch him, have his video camera.

[Dawson]

Almost one for one. Yeah. He'd have a little spy camera and.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Catch him because they would know who was shady, Right. He wouldn't go after everyone.

[Dawson]

Probably not. You're probably right. Like, they would go, this seems fishy. Or hear a rumor or something. And they had a list and they go catch him. Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Now, would he drink a certain kind of Gatorade so as to never be confused?

[Patrick Renna]

Both of them have a lot of.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Electrical strawberry or something. So he never got confused.

[Dawson]

You know, because you drink, you don't go lemon lime.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You go lemon lime. You can get confused. Yeah. Smart. Yeah. And he. And he. And now, was he like a gun for hire? So I used to watch a lot of PI shows growing up, but I never saw a guy sitting in a car pissing into a bottle. They're always running someone down, you know, at the loading dock or something, you.

[Dawson]

Know, like Dog the Bounty Hunter. It wasn't that.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I'm thinking more Dan Tana. He was Vegas.

[Dawson]

It wasn't. I think he had some crazy cart, like, high speed.

[Patrick Renna]

Really?

[Dawson]

Yeah, like. Because he would tail him and they wouldn't know. And if they. If he had to blow a red light, he'd, you know, some crazy stuff, but nothing.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

He never slid across the hood of his car. No time for backup. Yeah, he did that. He did that.

[Dawson]

Wow.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I'm gonna meet this cat. I bet he had a leather vest.

[Dawson]

Oh, he was heart hardcore.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah. There could be no bigger chasm than what. Like when you see a show on TV growing up. Like, they had shows like emergency and chips, stuff like that. And, you know, okay, it wasn't all international jewel thievery and stuff, but if you signed up to be a chip, you'd Get a motorcycle and a gun and a badge and you'd be tooling along. And if you emergency, they were like paramedic, firefighters and. Yeah, you get a rig and some guy getting a motorcycle accident, you patch him up and you sort of did what they did on the show. But PI shows were all dudes betting hot chicks and getting into foot chases and, you know, shooting a rope and a sandbag with land on the guy's head. And real PI stuff is you sit in a car and piss into a Gatorade bottle. Right.

[Dawson]

You're in an office. This. You get in the car, you chase down people.

[Patrick Renna]

Burt Reynolds.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Boring as right. Probably is not what you see on tv.

[Dawson]

No. You're looking at the Internet trying to find people. You're a glorified nerd.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah. Nah, man. Dantana, Vegas. That was Robert. You're a Magnum PI Magnum. And these guys had a life.

[Dawson]

Hot in Hawaii. Unbelievable.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, they drove cool cars. Women love them.

[Dawson]

Yep. No, this is not. Not my guy.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Not your guy. Okay.

[Dawson]

Actually, funny enough, he is a really good looking guy.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, really? Yeah, he's squandering his looks sitting in the car pissing a bottle all day.

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Dawson]

He actually moved to Hawaii too. So.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Did he. He get a Ferrari 308? Grow mustache?

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Patrick Renna]

How's this chest hair situation?

[Dawson]

None.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Perfect.

[Patrick Renna]

That's the shit.

[Dawson]

Oh, you like that?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Did you watch all those? I mean, you're younger than I am, but did you grow up on those kinds of shows and see the like. What were your shows growing up? You're a Magnum PI Guy.

[Dawson]

Magnum PI what shows were me. I mean, I was coming like Goonies is my sandlot for sure. So that's like half a generation earlier.

[Patrick Renna]

Knight Rider. You down with the 18?

[Dawson]

Oh, yeah. Night Rider. A team for sure. What was that, lee, the late 80s? Yeah, yeah, something like that.

[Patrick Renna]

Yeah.

[Dawson]

So I was.

[Patrick Renna]

And I. I grew up in the South. Duke's a Hazzard. What's up?

[Dawson]

That's a little before me.

[Patrick Renna]

But not reruns. They had reruns for me.

[Dawson]

Yeah, I watched a little bit.

[Patrick Renna]

Hell yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I love. I loved on Knight Rider when his evil twin showed up. Hasselhoff's evil twin. I. I love any twin. Break off.

[Dawson]

It's great. Yeah, those were amazing. Classic.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah. I don't know.

[Dawson]

They don't hold up.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, they don't. But then maybe then they do. You know, they like come around like some sort of weird shitty. Like some food that you ate when you were 11 that you wouldn't eat when you're 30, but then you realize you find it again later on in life because it brings back something. Yeah, the evil twin. It's funny because you knew it was Hasselhoff because you knew he couldn't act either like the evil twin guy. All they'd have to do is put a goatee on you.

[Patrick Renna]

Exactly right.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Once you got a goatee, you became evil twin. It was super easy to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You had to get a cigarette and a goatee and that was it. And you drive. I think he drove a semi truck or whatever. But once you got the goatee and once you got the cigarette, then we knew you were evil.

[Dawson]

Oh, here he comes.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, yeah. You know what? They don't allow anyone to smoke on TV now. But back then we knew who was evil.

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

By the smokers.

[Patrick Renna]

A trope as old as time.

[Dawson]

How are we supposed to know now?

[Patrick Renna]

Yeah. Oh, we have more nuanced.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

We have a video of no hassle. Evil Hasselhoff.

[Dawson]

That is evil Hasselhoff. Look at that. You can see the goatee in the shadow.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, Evil Hasselhoff. Look at the eyes. Oh, that's evil.

[Patrick Renna]

What about the rockets?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

They're ready for installation.

[Patrick Renna]

Proceed.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yes, sir. Oh, yeah. Choker. Michael Knight soul patch.

[Dawson]

It's not even looking.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

5000 yard stare insult to my excitement distance. That's acting, man. That's what dudes act could act. Oh, he's driving a killer semi truck. Kid, that's the greatest acting of all time.

[Dawson]

His hair's a little more slicked out.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Kid. Kid tells me how to proceed with red bluff. My mother doesn't and you don't. Without me, you'd still be in the bush. Oh, well, that was racist. He's reaching out to the black women. He's got a gun that shoots. He's got a cane that shoots. Oh, he's an earring.

[Patrick Renna]

Yeah, he does have an earring.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

He's making sweet love to the women too.

[Patrick Renna]

Now you aren't alone.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Just gonna bet the 80s. Cheers, evil ass. By the way.

[Patrick Renna]

Sorry to hear about Ron.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

What did you say? Ron, the Amazon driver took his own life. His name was Ron. Did you guys know that?

[Patrick Renna]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, you read about it?

[Dawson]

I read about it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I came. What's the meaning of it? I'll take that. I know goth. This is kidnapping. Exactly. Hasselhoff has never been better. Listen this.

[Dawson]

We are all riveted. This sucked us.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I've watched the out of this holds up.

[Patrick Renna]

The whole podcast should just be this.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I'm gonna start an evil hasselhoff podcast.

[Patrick Renna]

Yes.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Here comes the stunt. Big stunt. He's gotta jump. Whoa. Oh, is he attacking himself? Who's driving that car? Oh, he knocked himself out. Okay, we can't do this anymore. But it's too good. You guys have to watch Evil Hasselhoff. You see the way he acts? It's like a different dude with a fake mustache, you know?

[Patrick Renna]

Yeah, I can't wait to see.

[Dawson]

I can't grow a beard. So there's no bad guy.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, man. You could never play evil you.

[Dawson]

Never.

[Patrick Renna]

I'm just walking around evil me.

[Dawson]

You're just your evil.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I think they. I think that they probably stuck that mustache on him because he had to toggle back and forth between, you know, how the business works. I shouldn't have to tell you. The business works, you know. You know the business.

[Dawson]

I do. You're right.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

When did sandlot come about? What, where and how for you?

[Dawson]

Well, it came out in 93, but we filmed it in 92. And I. I had just moved to LA, actually, from Boston, so it was the first job.

[Patrick Renna]

Oh, wow.

[Dawson]

I had just moved. I, you know, first job. First I did a little thing on Nickelodeon. That was my first audition. Like one little episode. And then my second audition was.

[Patrick Renna]

Episode of what?

[Dawson]

Salute your shorts.

[Patrick Renna]

Oh, I love that show. Can't find a wanna we hold you in our heart.

[Dawson]

Yeah, you got it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Really? I don't know.

[Patrick Renna]

And when I think about you it makes. Makes me wanna fart.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

When they say fart.

[Patrick Renna]

They do.

[Dawson]

They say fart. But that was. That was 1992, you could say.

[Patrick Renna]

Yeah, that was the era, buddy.

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Patrick Renna]

That's crazy.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Dawson]

So I was two for two. I did. I. My first two auditions, I didn't taste rejection until my late teens.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Wow.

[Patrick Renna]

Yeah. It's got to be heavy, though. You play this iconic character and then just the business just, you know what I mean? They see you as the one thing, so it's difficult.

[Dawson]

Yeah, it's been interesting for sure. And, you know, growing up, I'm. Luckily, I've been able to just have that as my career, but it's, you know, there's definitely been struggles with that and things, you know, but you're talking.

[Patrick Renna]

To the bully beat down guy. Come on. It's like a weird thing when you're in something that's. People crystallized in there.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Patrick Renna]

It's hard to break trying to get.

[Dawson]

Them to see other things.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah. See it, you know, it's hard, you know, it. It happens, you know, and there's, you know, Johnny Depp was on 21 Jump street, you know, he figured it out. But it does. It is a blessing and a curse. And then it's like, you can ask all the Brady kids, you know, they just think, oh, everyone thinks of us as Brady kids. So it's like, you want it, but then it's something you have to negotiate and deal with. And then later on, some people resent it, and then at some point, they come around with it, and they actually then find it and embrace it again.

[Dawson]

Yeah. I think that's what. You nailed it. You have to embrace it. Yeah. It just depends how you want to look at it. If you want it to mess you up and, you know, hate it, then it's going to.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I was telling this to Kimmel because he's only going to be known as the man show guy.

[Patrick Renna]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And I said to him, just embrace it, bro. You know what I mean? Just learn to appreciate it.

[Dawson]

I actually didn't even know who you were talking about, but then when you.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Said, man show guy. Yeah. You know. Right. That. The other dude.

[Dawson]

Yeah, the other other dude.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Right. He was, like, trying to do, I don't know, talk show stuff or, like, a hostie stuff. Like, is he still in the business?

[Dawson]

What is he doing?

[Patrick Renna]

I don't know. I think he's on YouTube. He's on YouTube with the.

[Dawson]

The driver. They. That's what I heard, actually. Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah. I. I don't know if that's true. I don't want to reach out to him because every time I talk to him, well, every time I say hi, he has to borrow money, you know, so it's kind of weird, you know? It's weird. You know, I don't want to say no, but it's like, hey, dude, I saved my money from back then. I don't know what you've been doing.

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

But you know what I mean.

[Dawson]

You got to help a guy out.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Well, that's the way I felt the first few times. But after, you know, not.

[Dawson]

It's too much.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I can absorb it because of where I put myself.

[Dawson]

All right.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

See what I'm saying? Jimmy.

[Dawson]

What's his last name? Kimmel.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Call me. I'll help you out. Yeah, yeah, help me out. All right, Patrick, let's give a plug to the book, A little Slugger's Guide to the unwritten Rules of Baseball and Life. Pre order it.

[Dawson]

Pre order it. Amazon. Yeah, there's other places, but all we know is all we've been talking about is Amazon, Right? So let's just go there.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Pre order that. What else should I plug for you? I know you're doing a lot of really cool videos.

[Dawson]

I just. Yeah, yeah, Social media. I just started a production company too, called Hambino Media.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, you did?

[Dawson]

Yeah, I've been working kind of behind the camera for the past few years. And so we just. I'm partnered with a marketing company and I do all the. All the video and media and commercials for them. So I've been producing a lot for the past four years.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

So where can people go if they want to check out some of that stuff?

[Dawson]

Well, we just launched it hambinomedia.com and we'll have the site up in a few days. But I'm excited because it's different on the other side. But it's all. I've known for 30 years, you know, this industry, like, my college was on set, so to be able to still be able to do it. And, you know, I act as well, but. But I find an enjoyment in taking all of that education and putting it into just the whole project, you know?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah. It is interesting. And I had the thought earlier today for some reason where you sort of realize, oh, you have a skill, like a tangible skill where you go, cut that, put a little more head on that, let that breathe a little, or speed that up a little, or it'd be funnier. If you do this and you just start talking and then you're like, like, what do I know this stuff from? And then there's no degree and there's no plaque and there's no certificate. You just go, oh, I've been doing this stuff for 30 years. You start to. Yeah, but you would do that with carpentry or shoeing horses. You just know what you're doing at a certain point. This is the same.

[Dawson]

I mean, yeah, it's the. There's something too about construction. Once they. When they've been doing it so long and they're so good at it. Like a carpenter or something. Something like that. But it is just, you know, you. You do it for so long, you get good at it. And it's the same with acting and producing and movie making.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah. It's just invisible.

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

All right, I'm gonna be at the end, which is a fun rock and roll kind of club in Torrance. Saturday, doing two shows over there. And I'll play. I'll be in San Luis Obispo, Monterey Napa. I'm doing standup shows all over the place. You can go to Amp Crawl for all the info. Kelsey's standup special. Mark your territory is available as we speak now on YouTube and Patrick very funny videos. I guess they're on Instagram or TikTok. I'm trying to think where I was watching those.

[Dawson]

Yeah, I do a lot on Instagram and TikTok.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Watch those. I think you'll get a laugh. Until next time, Zadin for Patrick and Kelsey and Mayhem saying Mahala. Pluto TV is the place for movie.

[Kelsey Cook]

Fans like me and TV fans like me.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

They've got something for everyone and it's totally free.

[Kelsey Cook]

You can binge laugh out loud sitcoms.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Like Frasier and rewatch cult classics like.

[Kelsey Cook]

Higher Learning, whether you're in the mood to solve a little crime before bedtime.

[Adam Carolla]

With NCIS or Tracker, or curl up.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

With a surefire hit like Forrest Gump Run Forest.

[Kelsey Cook]

Pluto TV has thousands of movies and shows, all for free.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Pluto TV Stream now pay Never.