Brittany Snow (3:15)

Right.

Adam Carolla (3:15)

He's a dear, dear friend I see once a year. And. And I got a little weird. Then I thought, don't be weird. The person was just paying you a compliment and didn't know.

Brittany Snow (3:24)

Welcome compliments for your friends.

Adam Carolla (3:26)

Yeah.

Brittany Snow (3:27)

So I feel like. I feel flattered that you would get weirdly possessive about me and my career.

Adam Carolla (3:34)

I would do the same thing over a tub of margarine.

Brittany Snow (3:37)

Okay.

Adam Carolla (3:37)

To be fair, if somebody. No, that's not a put down. I just mean if somebody said they pulled it out of the fridge and I said I'd taken it out of the fridge first, I might start pushing.

Brittany Snow (3:46)

Maybe it had your name on it.

Adam Carolla (3:48)

I. I think all tubs of margarine have my name on it. No, I. I would be a dick anyway. But. But keep going.

Brittany Snow (3:54)

Okay. But I think that's a good equalizer. So I know kind of where I stand. But still, I'm flattered.

Adam Carolla (4:00)

Yeah. I was. I was like, I know Adam Scott. His. His beautiful wife Naomi used to be our assistant. Yeah. Although I never really. I never really counted for the first. I don't know how, however many years of the man show me Jimmy and our other producer, Daniel had an assistant, but he never told us they were our assistant.

Brittany Snow (4:20)

He just kept them.

Adam Carolla (4:21)

So it'd always be like, where's Naomi? Oh, picking up Daniel's dry cleaner. Where's Naomi? He said she's at the dealership picking up Daniel's car. I never knew that I could tell your wife to go do something for me. I really. You should ask her if in the one year she was my assistant, I ever asked her to do.

Brittany Snow (4:38)

See, I. This is the first time I've ever heard that she was all three of yours. I always thought she was just Daniel's assistant.

Adam Carolla (4:45)

This was. We'll talk about the independent film and all that and what. We got plenty of time. But this is. This is a diabolical thing that was done too. When you don't have an assistant and, and you've never had an assistant and you come from very meager low self esteem. North Hollywood. Beleaguered North Hollywood.

Brittany Snow (5:07)

You're talking about yourself.

Adam Carolla (5:08)

Yes. And somebody. Somebody gives you an assistant?

Brittany Snow (5:12)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (5:13)

You don't know what to do with them.

Brittany Snow (5:14)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (5:15)

So it's like when you're not paying for them, like, when Comedy Central goes, oh, we'll get you an assistant, you go, all right. And then the person just sits there and you look at them. You don't go, hey, go get my dry cleaning. Because there's a little voice in your head that goes, get your own fucking dry cleaning. Exactly. Why is it getting. They're not your bitch. They're not your slave. But really, that's what they're supposed to be doing.

Brittany Snow (5:35)

So you're saying that Daniel had no problem with this. So he's the one that, like, took.

Adam Carolla (5:38)

Advantage of having well versed in this. And Jimmy and I had the we're just a couple of schlubs from the Valley kind of thing. So when we would have an assistant.

Brittany Snow (5:49)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (5:50)

They would literally, Daniel would dispatch them to go stand by his car while it was being worked on at the dealership. Like. And we'd go, like, where the hell is she? And she'd say. He'd go, I don't want him screwing me over with those brake liners. So I want her watching. And, like, the whole day she would be gone or picking up Daniel's kid from the airport, doing anything. One year, one season.

Brittany Snow (6:12)

I mean, like, what, six, seven years ago or something? That was a while ago.

Adam Carolla (6:17)

One season. Naomi, Adam's wife, was my assistant. Even though I don't think I ever. That's hilarious. I think we spoke.

Brittany Snow (6:27)

See, I didn't even know that.

Adam Carolla (6:29)

I was just like, she's also. Adam's wife is hot in a very, uh.

Adam Scott (6:37)

Oh, what is he gonna say?

Adam Carolla (6:38)

No, no, it's. It's a grow on you kind of way.

Brittany Snow (6:42)

Adam and Naomi, this Adam, Adam, Carolla, and Naomi had, like, kind of weird office crushes on each other, as far as I can tell. You guys had this, like. And this is just. I'm just discerning this from things I hear from both of you, that you were, like, had this kind of light, flirtatious thing. And I've never been disturbed by it because I've always been an admirer of yours and of hers, just in a different way. So it's one of those things that's totally fine with me because I know it was always innocent.

Adam Carolla (7:17)

It was innocent. I mean, that's the whole thing is if another guy at the office or co worker or boss or whatever has a crush on your wife, your not then wife. That's a compliment. If he nailed her in a mop closet. That's not a compliment.

Brittany Snow (7:35)

That's a problem.

Adam Carolla (7:36)

Yeah, that's a problem. That's a problem. And so I was always just like, wow, this, this girl, she's smart, she's funny and she's cute. And again, in a sort of, sort of a sneak up on you kind of way. I know that sounds very exotic. That sounds bad. She's exotic. She's exotic. And yeah, yeah, Brittany. But Britney has a. You see Britney crossing the street and you go, look at that. Look at that blonde.

Brittany Snow (8:03)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (8:03)

Pow. Wow, look at that. She's good looking. Like, you're so.

Adam Scott (8:06)

I don't grow on you. I'm just like consistently the same.

Adam Carolla (8:08)

You're just starting, only no, no, but you're, you're, you're a red Corvette. You get out of. You drive a red Corvette, you drive.

Brittany Snow (8:18)

Off the showroom, you're a red Ferrari.

Adam Carolla (8:21)

You drive off the showroom floor and it's like, pow, look at that. Right? You know, head turner Naomi is a, is like a, like a charcoal colored BMW M3 where you start, you start.

Brittany Snow (8:35)

You go, those are both really nice cars.

Adam Carolla (8:40)

But your head doesn't whip around when you're driving. And the charcoal M3 passes you by. But if you have some time to study it.

Brittany Snow (8:47)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (8:48)

In the parking lot, you'll go, nice.

Brittany Snow (8:50)

And then also if you end up purchasing it, you'll have, you'll have kind of the best driving life.

Adam Carolla (8:56)

Yes. You have available road. Good road.

Adam Scott (8:58)

How's the Ferrari drive?

Adam Carolla (9:00)

Oh, no, it's good too. Little temperamental.

Adam Scott (9:02)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (9:02)

A lot of maintenance.

Adam Scott (9:05)

All right.

Brittany Snow (9:05)

And you know, Ferrari is really expensive too.

Adam Carolla (9:08)

Yeah. I mean, it's. Costs a lot, obviously to get out. And then there's a gas guzzler.

Adam Scott (9:12)

We're getting real deep with this. And I don't, I'm.

Brittany Snow (9:14)

Is the Ferrari a gas guzzler?

Adam Carolla (9:15)

It gets the gas. Oh, yeah, yeah. But this is getting weird.

Brittany Snow (9:20)

But hell of a drive.

Adam Carolla (9:22)

Hell of a drive. A better drive. I didn't know, by the way, that you could have sex with your assistants. Like, this is pre Letterman. And I was, I was, you know, like the Jed Clampett of bosses. Like, I didn't know that guys at the office who ran the office got to, got to frolic around with all the young whoever in the office. So I wasn't aware of this. Evidently it's commonplace now, I think everywhere. Yeah, yeah. Ironically, the man show, none of that went on.

Brittany Snow (9:53)

Right.

Adam Scott (9:53)

Which is, which is ironic.

Adam Carolla (9:55)

It's ironic. Like you would be a Man, show. You should have. I, by all rights, should have been having sex with your wife, but I wasn't. I didn't know you could do that.

Brittany Snow (10:03)

Now, wait a second. You've done Letterman a few times, right? Adam, have you done Letterman?

Adam Scott (10:07)

No.

Brittany Snow (10:10)

It's kind of like. I think for a lot of us, it's one of the reasons you get into show business is to be able to do Letterman.

Adam Carolla (10:17)

Yeah.

Brittany Snow (10:18)

Was it like that for you? Was that. I hope I'm not changing the subject.

Adam Carolla (10:22)

Too drastically, but for me, not having sex with your wife.

Brittany Snow (10:29)

I guess the having sex with assistance thing, kind of. But was it a nerve wracking? It seems like kind of a mysterious experience.

Adam Carolla (10:39)

It was, you know, for me, there was a couple things going. Yeah. All guys that were comedians, you know, sort of grew up watching Letterman and watching especially the early shows. Brittany, you're far too young for this. But he was doing his thing.

Brittany Snow (10:56)

You really are. You're 22.

Adam Scott (10:58)

23.

Brittany Snow (10:59)

23. Jesus Christ.

Adam Scott (11:00)

86.

Adam Carolla (11:01)

I was born Letterman had, I don't know, been on the air for four years before that.

Brittany Snow (11:06)

And I was like. When Brittany was born, I was like masturbating into a sock.

Adam Carolla (11:11)

Yeah. And it wasn't his sock. And a dude was wearing it. Those are the things he always.

Brittany Snow (11:17)

It was a pair of underwear and a man was wearing.

Adam Carolla (11:20)

Always leaves off the part where the dude was wearing them at the time.

Brittany Snow (11:24)

And I call it a song.

Adam Carolla (11:24)

And he called it totally weird.

Adam Scott (11:26)

I'm glad I wasn't around.

Adam Carolla (11:27)

Or born to Letterman. Yeah. So, you know, back in the day, he's doing this avant garde, experimental, sort of cutting edge. In your face.

Brittany Snow (11:36)

Amazing. Best show ever on television.

Adam Carolla (11:38)

Yeah. And. And telling his employee, CBS or NBC or whoever it was at the time to kiss his ass, like while on the air.

Brittany Snow (11:46)

On the air every night.

Adam Carolla (11:47)

Ge.

Brittany Snow (11:47)

He would make openly make fun of GE every.

Adam Carolla (11:50)

Right, right. So, yeah, as a. As a young, I wouldn't even call myself a comedian, but as someone who. Who had a sense of humor, I would. You would watch it and you'd go, wow, that's cool. You know, and. Yeah, like Johnny Carson or whoever, that. That was your dad's show. This is your show. This is our show.

Brittany Snow (12:08)

And it was on at 12:30, so you'd be staying up late.

Adam Carolla (12:11)

So the first. The first time I did Letterman, I actually did Letterman based on Loveline, the TV show, because it's. It's strange because if I haven't seen it in a million years, but if I. I remember him going, oh, and you have this other show called the. The guy show. The man show. What is that? So it was weird. It wasn't. It was an afterthought.

Brittany Snow (12:35)

Okay.

Adam Carolla (12:36)

So I had a couple of weird things going. Jimmy Kimmel is the biggest Letterman fan on the planet. Yeah. There's pictures of him wearing his late night bomber jacket or letterman jacket that he had made up or ordered when he was 15. His. Like, his literally, his birthday insane. And so no wonder man did not get laid. There. There is literally his birthday cake from his, like, 15th birthday. Has a picture of, like, Letterman on it. Good lord. He was, like, insane for Letterman.

Brittany Snow (13:06)

Yeah, a little bit.

Adam Carolla (13:07)

And Jimmy and I at the time were partners, and we're working on the man show, and. And I got the call to do Letterman, and so I kind of did.

Brittany Snow (13:16)

That, like, kill him a little bit or was he psyched?

Adam Carolla (13:19)

I. I would say killed him a little bit.

Brittany Snow (13:22)

Yeah.

Adam Scott (13:23)

But he had to act excited. Of course.

Adam Carolla (13:25)

He was like, you know what? You go to New York, I'm gonna have sex with na. I mean, I'm gonna. I'm gonna punch up a script. She wasn't our. We had another assistant, but had sex with her, whoever it was. Well, we had Candace, which was our first.

Brittany Snow (13:41)

Candace, that's kind of a hot girl name.

Adam Carolla (13:42)

Yeah, she was. And then our next one was a super nerdy male who was named Ken, but we insisted on calling him Candace. And if he ever fucked up, especially to get called Candace, he probably should sue us. But anyway, I went and did Letterman. Sort of like, oh, hey, this is cool. And for Jimmy, it was like, holy shit. The holy grail of talk shows is, you know, extended their hand. Yeah. And I was like, wow. So I was a little freaked out. Sort of half like, hey, I'm doing Letterman. Like, what the hell? I was swinging a hammer three years ago. But also, like, so crazy. That's crazy. My partner. I knew Jimmy would be like, now don't you. Fuck this. Yeah. So I didn't want to. Anyone who knows Jimmy, he's got a little Tony Soprano, and I'm like, you don't want to come back with an empty suitcase.

Brittany Snow (14:36)

Sure.

Adam Carolla (14:38)

Like, where's my money? Like, you. You want to come back from New York and have Jimmy go, I saw you on Letterman last night. Nice job. So I didn't want to disappoint Letterman or Jimmy.

Brittany Snow (14:49)

Sure.

Adam Carolla (14:51)

And it. It turned out, told the story again. I'll be fast. I was very flattered that Paul Schaefer came on this show a few weeks ago.

Brittany Snow (14:58)

I listened to that he said, I.

Adam Carolla (15:00)

Remember you from Letterman. I was like, you must see 200,000 guests. He said, yeah, but I remember yours. That's right. And because I. I don't know why either. Whitney gave me that. Why you?

Adam Scott (15:09)

No, no, I was like, what happened?

Adam Carolla (15:11)

What happened was, is I.

Brittany Snow (15:13)

That look from her all the time.

Adam Carolla (15:16)

I had a month to, like, think about it. Like, what am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? I know I want to make it something good. And I thought, I will go on. I had this little epiphany, like, you know what I'll do? Instead of, you know, hey, how was your flight here? And what's Dr. Drew? Like, I'll put together a list of all the people who need to kiss my ass.

Brittany Snow (15:38)

That's right.

Adam Carolla (15:38)

And I'll say, you never thought I would get on Letterman. You know, I was mopping your floors. I was digging your ditches. Well, guess what, bitch? I'm on Letterman now, and I may never come back. So, Dave, step aside and where's my camera? I'm gonna tell. And I told. I used everyone's real name under my.

Adam Scott (15:57)

Boss Ken from McDonald's in, like, sixth grade.

Adam Carolla (16:00)

Everyone. I remember Mr. Gregory.

Brittany Snow (16:02)

I remember seeing. Seeing it, and it really worked. Like, it was really funny.

Adam Carolla (16:07)

Because I think it sort of struck a chord with people. Like, yeah, like, wouldn't that be cool to go on a show and tell all your teachers or guidance counselors or bosses to kiss your ass? And I would just go through everyone's name, and I would go, kiss my ass. I'm on Letterman.

Mary (16:24)

That's awesome.

Adam Carolla (16:26)

And also, I remember James Brown was coming on after me, and I can remember just being like the Godfather of Rock and Rolls. Coming on after. You mean he's taking my place? And, like, no, you go on. Then James Brown comes on, and I was like, what do you mean? Then why. Why would you want me to go on in front of James Brown? I was like, I was confused by it. But yes. Now, Letterman would go in his office and sequester himself. And you didn't go up there and do anything. I mean, like. Like, you know, Leno comes over, says, hi. Or you could go. You could go up to Leno's office and knock on the door and walk right in. He'd be on, you know, ebay, looking at motorcycles. So Letterman would go in his office and lock the door kind of thing. And for years, it was this. Well, he likes the little downtime before the show, but now maybe his Naomi is in. Maybe there was more. Maybe There was a method to his madness, I guess, is what I'm saying. The fact that I'd like to be in my office and don't bother me. Maybe there's a reason why he didn't want to be bothered.

Brittany Snow (17:37)

Yeah, maybe. But also, I mean, who knows? But I also think that like, I don't know, just like Letterman and what he does on the air, you know, there are so many good. There are a lot of good talk show hosts, but I think Letterman, what he does, is so special that it does seem like it's something that is like porcelain. Like you need to be very careful with it and keep it away from everybody until the camera. I don't know. There's something about the mystique and the kind of legend of him not talking to people before going on the air. Like you never meet him or anything.

Adam Carolla (18:12)

Bothered if he, you saw him doing a Mentos ad.

Brittany Snow (18:15)

Oh, it would kill me. Yeah, absolutely.

Adam Carolla (18:19)

Yeah. And Brittany, let me ask from a female perspective, because, you know, all this Tiger wood is all over the place and all these guys with all the mistresses at all. I, you know, I think like 09 will be remembered as the year of the mistress.

Brittany Snow (18:35)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (18:36)

I mean, even stuff like Steve McNair, the, you know, quarterback for the Titans, he was shot to death. People forget about it. Like, you know, in March or April, his like 22 year old mistress killed him while he was asleep. So.

Brittany Snow (18:49)

Really?

Adam Carolla (18:50)

Yeah.

Brittany Snow (18:51)

Jesus Christ. Yeah, I didn't even know about that.

Adam Carolla (18:54)

That's why I'm gonna have the conversation with my mistress look like, don't go to tmz.

Brittany Snow (19:00)

Right.

Adam Carolla (19:00)

That would fall under the what you shouldn't do. But here's what you really shouldn't do. Shoot me in my sleep.

Brittany Snow (19:06)

Please, please don't murder me.

Adam Carolla (19:08)

Please don't murder me while I'm asleep. But I mean, they're going, they're talking, they're getting money, they're. They're killing people. As a, as a beautiful young woman, do you cut a little extra Ferrari. As a Ferrari, do you cut some slack to the Lettermans of the world? Like, do you go, this guy's powerful, he's stressed out, he's rich, he gets, he gets to do a little of this.

Adam Scott (19:36)

I don't think that it's necessarily like I can give him like a free pass or anything because I think that cheating is wrong. But I don't, I don't really, like, I mean, I can't even imagine, like if you're somebody like Tiger woods or Letterman, who have like girls just throwing themselves at you all the time and like, just want. I mean it's so weird and I come from a standpoint that I think every guy is a little, you know, douchey when it comes to like that sort of stuff. Not in a bad, not in a bad way.

Adam Carolla (20:09)

Ferrari's been in an accident. Oh yes.

Adam Scott (20:12)

She's been in a body job at least once. I think every girl has. But I'm not saying that from like.

Brittany Snow (20:18)

AAA a couple times.

Adam Carolla (20:18)

Door on the passenger side's not closing just right.

Brittany Snow (20:21)

But not in any those doors that open up, the gull wings, those are tough.

Adam Scott (20:25)

But what I'm saying is, is that I can understand that like, you know, people make mistakes and, and stuff like that, but I don't.

Adam Carolla (20:33)

Right.

Adam Scott (20:34)

I don't necessarily want to like say that, you know, if you know that you're doing something, you're just living a lie to yourself. Like you're gonna go through this whole thing and like you're gonna get caught eventually.

Brittany Snow (20:43)

Well now it always mystifies me is don't like it. I mean from what it sounds like, sounds like Tiger, Tiger woods was a busy man.

Adam Carolla (20:52)

Sure.

Brittany Snow (20:53)

And it's, it's like, do you not think, think you'll ever get caught? I mean, maybe he wanted to get caught.

Adam Scott (20:57)

They're invincible. Especially when they're in like those kinds of positions. I think that like the mentality is like, this is who I am. Like they really think maybe I'm never, I don't know. But in the back of your mind.

Adam Carolla (21:08)

Like, I think it's about the same relationship they have with drugs, which is they just sort of get started and the next thing you know they're in.

Brittany Snow (21:17)

Yeah, yeah.

Adam Carolla (21:18)

And of course we who are sober and standing outside of their little snow globe can say, well, didn't you know how this was going to end up? You're going to kill somebody or you get arrested. But it's like I'm doing drugs.

Brittany Snow (21:31)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (21:31)

Like I'm in it. I'm in. And eventually, yes, logically this has to end. Right. Don't do Coke into your 90s. But, but they just are. It's almost the same kind of addiction. Like they're just in it. And I don't think they even think about, well, will I get caught? Will I get bus? Because we always sort of rational minded people go, well, didn't you know or didn't you expect? I knew somebody had to. But this is just another sort of form of addiction where you're just, you're like you're like a senator smoking crack or something. It's like, didn't, you know? And it's like. Or, you know, a reverend who's, you know, having gay sex, you know, calling in male escorts on the side. Like, we always go, didn't, you know, and it's like, I. It transcends knowing.

Brittany Snow (22:15)

But I think also these people, when they're doing stuff like this, it's because they're unhappy. And so he's unhappy. So he's doing this stuff to make himself feel better. And he's not going to stop if it makes him feel, you know, it relieves it. Yeah.

Adam Carolla (22:28)

If you also think about the kind of life the guy led, you know, while all of us.

Adam Scott (22:33)

You want to check out?

Adam Carolla (22:35)

Yeah. We were at our prom and this guy was like at Augusta winning the junior title, you know, or whatever, you know, I mean, he had no normal or semblance of a life.

Adam Scott (22:46)

But I would like to say that on the opposite side, I think girls kind of are just as douchey sometimes, if not. But just in a different way because we get, like, emotionally involved with people. And so it's not necessarily as in your face, but like, I know, you know, tons of girls that do the same thing and cheat on their boyfriends, but maybe not having sex, but like in a meeting up with them sort of way or like emails or something like that, it's the same thing because they want to check out as well, and they want validation from their insecurities. But it's just not as in your face as like a guy cheating on his wife, you know. But I think girls do the same.

Adam Carolla (23:19)

Thing, and it's a little bit of a double standard. Usually the double standards work for us, the guys with the penises. But in this case, it's a double standard that doesn't work very well, which is for guys, we're physical. And so it's like when it comes to cheating, we don't cheat because we're not, you know, everyone. It's funny, like, as a society, have to ascribe all these reasons why this person, he must not have been happy. Maybe she wasn't a good lover. Right. Or maybe there wasn't it. It's none of that. It can be some of that, but it doesn't have to be any of it. It can be. I was in Atlanta, you were in Florida. I had a couple of pilsners in me, and a hot chick at the bar came up and gave me her room key.

Brittany Snow (24:11)

Right.

Adam Carolla (24:12)

You could be as happy as you want at home, you really could. This is the part, I think, that women don't quite understand.

Brittany Snow (24:18)

But I would also say that if the whole thing ended with her clubbing his. His face with a golf club, they probably weren't very happy to begin with, regardless of any cheating. It doesn't come to that.

Adam Carolla (24:31)

I mean, it's usually not a picture.

Brittany Snow (24:33)

Of Tiger woods having a threesome.

Adam Carolla (24:35)

It's usually. It's Tiger woods and his kid and his wife we're looking at on the monitor. It's usually. It's. Yeah, there's a sick joke. It's usually not, you know, it's not like, well, we're newlyweds and we're. We're deep in love. No, the relationships 10 years on and, you know, there's kids and they're stressed.

Adam Scott (24:55)

You get comfortable and you get that. Like.

Adam Carolla (24:58)

But. But what I was alluding to is men physically cheat. And it really means. Oftentimes means nothing. It's just like. It's like a visceral, physical, whatever. Women, as you were talking about Brittany, sort of emotionally cheat, and they'll text and they'll have lunch and they'll have conversations with. And they'll get the attention. Like, there's a lot of women that know there's guys at work who like them, and they'll flirt with those guys at work and nothing will happen, but they'll feel good about themselves and they'll get. That's almost their form of validation and that. What feels good to them. So there's this thing where women can kind of. In a relationship, can kind of go and do what feels good to them, but men can't. Right? Because what we. When we do it, it involves a penis, and it's wrong. You know what I mean? And it's almost the same thing. It's kind of the same thing. Like, it's the difference between a massage and a lap dance. Like, you guys are allowed to get totally naked, go to Burke Williams, have some buff dude put his hands all over the place, and it's completely above the board. I'm wearing jeans and a flannel shirt. I can't go to the strip club and get a lap dance.

Adam Scott (26:16)

But it's. But it's like, I think, because I got to stand up for the girls, like, listening to this, because there's such a different thing when it comes to, like, sex, because it's such an intimate thing that you're actually like. And it's an act of. And the entire time, you're not completely.

Adam Carolla (26:30)

Like, you see, that's. That's the whole thing to women, it's such an intimate act. To a lot of these guys, they're just busting a nut on the road. Like, it's not so it's being measured. And I'm not defending these guys, even though it sounds like I'm vehemently defending them.

Adam Scott (26:49)

Yeah, it really does.

Adam Carolla (26:50)

Damn good job.

Adam Scott (26:51)

It really does.

Caller (26:52)

Problem.

Adam Carolla (26:52)

The problem with cheating in this kind of cheating is it gets measured by a ruler that was calibrated by a woman. Do you see what I'm saying? Right. Whereas if a guy made the ruler, the guy be like, I just some floozy on the road. I didn't know. I didn't even know her name. Well, it's no different than feeding off regardless of sock that a guy's wearing.

Brittany Snow (27:16)

Exactly, exactly. Regardless of who made the ruler, these are the agreed upon rules. Right?

Adam Carolla (27:24)

That's right. That's right. That's exactly what we're doing.

Brittany Snow (27:28)

Not to totally leave you at the altar.

Adam Carolla (27:32)

No, you're right. And what we do as a society is we create a aspirational ruler. A ruler that we as guys try to aspire to. It's sort of what God does. It's like, you know, turn the other cheek, but I want to punch that guy. Right? Turn the other cheek.

Brittany Snow (27:51)

Right.

Adam Carolla (27:51)

You know what I mean? Like all the golden rule, pardon the ruler pun. All these things that we have in place in society, like, hey, that guy just cut you off. You want to get out of your car and go punch him, but you don't do it. Right. You know, so there's a lot of our society is basically based on, hey, hey, hey, alpha male, here's what you would like to do now. Don't do it.

Adam Scott (28:14)

Yes, but it's also, it's not just like a ruler thing. It's like a moral compass issue as well. Like inside, you know, like, probably cheating is not a good idea because it's just not right. Like, as yourself in the guilt thing, I agree.

Adam Carolla (28:28)

But to be fair to the Kennedys and many others, we all have to.

Brittany Snow (28:34)

Be fair to the Kennedys.

Adam Carolla (28:35)

We have to be fair to the Kennedys. Yes, let's watch out in your. I agree that having a relationship outside of your committed relationship is dead wrong. But saying the guy had a dalliance on the road with a chick whose name he can't remember is morally wrong is more through the eyes of a woman's glasses than it is from a. From a guy's.

Adam Scott (29:04)

But at the same time, like if a guy, you know is in a relationship with a girl and then a girl goes and, you know, sleeps with some guy, that's fucking wrong. Exactly. And that's through the eyes of a guy.

Adam Carolla (29:15)

But like, but no, I'll tell you, I'll tell you.

Adam Scott (29:17)

And then she's a slut. And guys are guys because they couple things.

Adam Carolla (29:21)

Like, it's like all the Kennedys were philanderers, you know, but were they morally bad people? I mean, you can say yes. I'm just saying, like, that's what they did. Every guy who was responsible for helping to win World War II probably fucked around on his wife. Were they bad guys?

Adam Scott (29:43)

No, I'm not saying bad people in general. I'm just thinking like, in terms of like what you have to go to sleep with at night. Like, do you really feel.

Adam Carolla (29:51)

I don't think they felt like. I don't. I think they felt like, I love my wife, I love my kids, I provide for my family. I'm going to go win World War II. Oh, and I'm going to bang this 19 year old on occasion. And I don't think they thought anything of it. That sounds amazing to sound like a decent life, right?

Brittany Snow (30:10)

Like, well, do you know Kenny's like.

Adam Carolla (30:12)

In trouble sleeping at night?

Adam Scott (30:14)

No, I don't, but I won't.

Adam Carolla (30:16)

Maybe they're. I'm not trying to corner you. I'm just, I'm just saying, like, I agree it's not a good thing, but I also agree that we have built it into a bigger thing. You know what? I'll make it like, it's sort of like smoking. All these guys that won World War II smoked and they were heroes. And now everyone who smokes is a pariah. Did all of a sudden in 30 years, you became a bad person when you're doing the same thing that MacArthur and Churchill did. You know what I'm saying?

Brittany Snow (30:52)

Yeah. I mean, I think that, that also Since World War II or since, you know, the Kennedy era, I think also both we've discovered that smoking is bad for you. And women have had, you know, come to have more of a voice in our culture. And so.

Adam Carolla (31:09)

So it's progression. Yeah, Education and progression.

Brittany Snow (31:13)

Yeah, yeah, sure.

Adam Scott (31:14)

And awareness and I guess.

Adam Carolla (31:16)

But it's also too, though, I mean, for all the ladies that are, that are listening, there is this, be careful if you want it both ways. Like if you want to marry a guy who's rich and powerful and can provide, you know, the kind of this lavish lifestyle to you, there's a Downside to that.

Brittany Snow (31:39)

Yes.

Adam Carolla (31:39)

Which is there's a very good chance he may.

Adam Scott (31:42)

But I don't think girls should necessarily, you know, stand for that and think that that's okay just because they are who they are. They get to do whatever they want.

Adam Carolla (31:51)

It's not. It's not okay. But it is a bit of a. The reason you're with this guy and you're not with a guy who cleans carpets for a living, like that hot chick.

Adam Scott (32:04)

Well, then you shouldn't. I don't think you should get married. It's like, I don't think, like, you should create that bond and that, you know, sacred, like. I agree if you think that you're gonna cheat or I just think it's.

Brittany Snow (32:15)

Weird that Adam thinks that we would have lost World War II without cigarette cigarettes, and like hot 19 year olds in Gumaz.

Adam Carolla (32:25)

We would never have won World War II.

Brittany Snow (32:28)

And I think that is absolutely absurd.

Adam Carolla (32:30)

I'm just saying to all the women out there that there's two kinds of cheating. There's having a relationship cheating, which is definitely you should be pissed about, and then there's the I banged a stripper on the road and I can't remember her name cheating. That is more your man not being able to control his reptilian brain. Don't take it personally. Right.

Adam Scott (32:56)

But think, oh, he, you know, had sex with stripper, and then he's. Now he's got a disease and he wasn't thinking about you, and now he's gonna have sex with you and you're gonna get.

Adam Carolla (33:05)

I always put up. I mean, I always tell people, put a c. Yeah, I'm not. I'm just playing devil's advocate.

Adam Scott (33:12)

Oh, you are?

Adam Carolla (33:13)

I'm not a cheater. Here's how you know I'm not a cheater. I wouldn't be talking this way if I was a cheater. I'd be talking about the Bible and then fucking the 19 year old. Right, right, right, right. But wait a minute. Now that I said that.

Brittany Snow (33:25)

Now. Now it kind of seems like it's actually worse.

Adam Carolla (33:28)

Wait a minute. Since I said that, now we're back at the other space. Jesus Christ. Either way, I think powerful guys, powerful guys, by the way, as I was talking to Dr. Drew many years ago, they produce more testosterone. Bosses produce more testosterone than guys in the mail room. Yeah. When you're the boss man, you actually. You're the alpha male. You actually make more testosterone. And so there's actually probably a chemical component to a lot of these guys.

Brittany Snow (33:59)

Well, I would Yeah, I mean, I would imagine that just on average, men, you know, a hundred years ago produced more testosterone than the average American male. Now, just because we're kind of like, yeah, there's a. There's not a whole lot to like, divide and conquer anymore.

Adam Carolla (34:16)

Also, like going and chopping. Chopping cords of wood all day versus playing on your Wii.

Brittany Snow (34:23)

Right, Exactly. I mean, you know, I go to the Glendale Galleria. If I ever. Some free. Free time, I go to Target.

Adam Carolla (34:31)

I know. And you're Jesus Christ. And it's. And it's weird. It's like, oh, a heated cat pillow. Yeah, I should get that.

Brittany Snow (34:40)

I have one of those shoes.

Adam Scott (34:42)

Yeah, I don't even have cat.

Brittany Snow (34:43)

Do you have a heated cat pillow?

Adam Scott (34:45)

Yeah, it's nice. It's just, you know, Is it for.

Brittany Snow (34:46)

You or your cat?

Adam Scott (34:47)

I don't have a cat, so. Obviously.

Adam Carolla (34:49)

Well, let's. Let's talk about. Let's talk about the movie instead of Letterman and cheating and all these other things. Vicious kind, by the way.

Adam Scott (34:57)

Which, by the way, is very tied to our conversation. It kind of is because the movie is about cheating and it is about your relationships with your family and relationships with other people and how that affects your future thoughts on other people.

Brittany Snow (35:12)

I've never actually thought about it like that, but you're right, Brittany, that is.

Adam Carolla (35:16)

Out on December 11th. Yeah. So tell us the story. Tell us the roles you play.

Brittany Snow (35:22)

Well, I think it's mostly about. It's about this lonely, kind of hermit, ish guy who lives in this small town, and that's who I play. And then Brittany plays my younger brother's girlfriend and they come to visit for Thanksgiving and J.K. simmons, who you probably know is like the dad from Juno, he's a great actor. He's in almost everything. He's in Upper and Air. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Adam Scott (35:46)

Spider man, the Closer, and.

Adam Carolla (35:48)

Yeah. Jason Reitman's new film. That's supposed to be great.

Brittany Snow (35:51)

Yeah, I just saw that last night.

Adam Carolla (35:52)

How was it?

Brittany Snow (35:53)

It's really good. So anyway, he and I are estranged. He's our father. They come to visit for Thanksgiving and. And then just kind of chaos ensues as I become obsessed with Britney's character. And then she starts kind of. Kind of liking me.

Adam Scott (36:12)

I don't think I really like him.

Brittany Snow (36:13)

Eventually.

Adam Scott (36:15)

Not really on a. On a bigger scale. And I'm going to.

Brittany Snow (36:18)

You. Do you always say this in interviews? You don't?

Adam Scott (36:21)

No, but it's a lot about what we were talking about with girls and guys wanting to get validation from relationships and I think with my character on like a kind of a deep level, I guess I am looking for validation for my insecurities and I am in a relationship with my boyfriend. But then here's this like older guy who's kind of giving me something that I need. I mean, I'm not saying like ancient, but like.

Adam Carolla (36:45)

Anyway, so, so, and, and so I.

Adam Scott (36:48)

Don'T really like you. It's more of like an insecurity thing.

Adam Carolla (36:50)

How long, how long did it take to shoot? What was the budget? Who directed it?

Brittany Snow (36:54)

We shot for I think four or five weeks in like 15 degree weather in Connecticut. Yeah, I don't know what the budget was. It was tiny movie.

Adam Scott (37:02)

Very tiny.

Brittany Snow (37:02)

I mean like we didn't have. We were all just kind of crowded around a space heater. We didn't have trailers.

Adam Carolla (37:07)

Adam was nominated for an Independent Spirit Award. Also. Also the movie was nominated for Independent Spirit Award. Well, the screenplay was.

Brittany Snow (37:16)

The screenplay was. Yeah, Lee Tollenkrieger wrote it. So it was kind of this crazy surprise because we didn't know we were on anyone's radar at all. Weren't out, you know, released yet or anything. And I think we were all totally shocked that we got nominated.

Adam Scott (37:30)

I was just shocked that he got nominated.

Adam Carolla (37:37)

I was thinking it, but I didn't want to say it.

Adam Scott (37:38)

No, no, I said it.

Adam Carolla (37:39)

I don't know, maybe it was just Slim Pickens this year.

Brittany Snow (37:42)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (37:43)

Independent film.

Brittany Snow (37:44)

I think a bunch of people aren't eligible and that kind of worked in our favor.

Adam Carolla (37:48)

Yeah, I think a lot of the guys made the move into the big budget films.

Caller (37:51)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (37:51)

And there wasn't much left behind, but anyway, they picked up the scraps. Probably not going to win, but you know, it's an honor.

Brittany Snow (38:00)

Just for sure not going to win. For sure. Not going to win.

Adam Carolla (38:02)

It is a great super blow hard fest that takes place in Santa Monica.

Brittany Snow (38:07)

So you went once, you said.

Adam Carolla (38:08)

I went once with. It's a movie. It's so sad. I always call it Special Ed, but it wasn't Special Ed. It was a movie that sounded like Special Ed. Who had the actor. Let's see. It's about. About Special Ed. I. When, you know, when you find out the name of the picture, you'll realize why I always call it Special.

Brittany Snow (38:33)

Is it like a movie we would have heard of?

Adam Carolla (38:35)

Yes, it was sort of. It's about three years ago.

Adam Scott (38:40)

The Ringer, I think.

Adam Carolla (38:41)

Johnny. No, it actually has. Yeah, it actually has a title that is a pun on. Not on Special Ed. It's about a teacher. It's oh, boy. Let's see. I'm gonna try to. This can be tough to explain when you know nothing. It's. Let's see if I can. He's a teacher. He's a junkie.

Brittany Snow (39:06)

Oh, Half Nelson.

Adam Carolla (39:07)

Half Nelson, right?

Adam Scott (39:08)

Oh, my gosh.

Adam Carolla (39:09)

Thank you. Well, that far away from Half Nelson.

Adam Scott (39:15)

We weren't on the same page at all.

Adam Carolla (39:17)

Yes, Half Nelson.

Adam Scott (39:18)

Half Nelson was amazing.

Adam Carolla (39:20)

Yeah, I just. It was a bummer. But it was a good movie and I was. I was. Have. No way. I have no. Nothing to do with that film other than I knew somebody who was like a producer.

Brittany Snow (39:30)

Okay, so you went with the producer.

Adam Carolla (39:31)

I just went. Just schmoozed around and.

Brittany Snow (39:34)

And was it fun? Is it gonna be a fun night?

Adam Carolla (39:36)

It's. It's. It's. It's fun. It's this weird kind of thing where it's. It's simultaneously fun and also it's a whole bunch of tables of indie people. Indie people. Look how great we are. But we're having fun, right? Right, Right. But we're having fun looking at how great we are. Right. Like, never seen people prouder of their shit in their entire life.

Brittany Snow (40:04)

Any awards show, though, isn't it?

Adam Carolla (40:07)

Yes. Yes, this is. Yes, it is. It's. It's a different kind of. It's like the Santa Monica. I mean, there's two kinds of obnoxious in our. In our society. There's the kind of right wing obnoxious and left wing obnoxious. Both are obnoxious in their own way. 1. You know, this is more of the left wing. Yeah, this is the right wing version of. This is a bunch of guys wearing American flags and their lapels and. And talking business and being proud of themselves in an obnoxious way. Right. And then this is just a bunch of guys in Priuses being obnoxious and. Sorry, I know Prius. No, it's true. I don't. I don't. I don't say that. That's a bad ottoman. B. I see this symbol for assholes.

Brittany Snow (40:49)

Yeah, It's. It's a $25,000 golf cart.

Adam Carolla (40:53)

What I mean is, is people that are very proud of themselves in a whole different way.

Adam Scott (40:59)

I was just gonna say Adam Scott's life. Really obnoxious.

Adam Carolla (41:04)

But you will have a good time and people will be drunk.

Brittany Snow (41:06)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (41:07)

And hopefully they'll get like Sarah Silverman or someone to host it and you'll. They'll be very funny, I think.

Brittany Snow (41:13)

You know, once I went. I felt 15 years ago, I went because I Me and my. A couple friends, we put on green smocks and got, you know, the egg crate things you can hold coffees in. We got a bunch of. To go coffees. And we snuck in. We walked right past security.

Adam Carolla (41:28)

Oh, so you literally, like, sort of put like Starbucks mics on and got a bunch of empty coffee cups?

Brittany Snow (41:34)

No, all I had coffee because my friend worked at a coffee place.

Adam Scott (41:37)

Wait, why you crashed?

Brittany Snow (41:41)

Because we were. It was. It was in 94 and it was. It was at the Hollywood Palladium then. And. And we were just like starting out, and so we thought it would be.

Adam Carolla (41:51)

Cool to go to the awards show.

Brittany Snow (41:53)

And so we just sat up in the balcony. We snuck in, sat up in the balcony and watched the whole ceremony from.

Adam Scott (41:59)

That's awesome.

Adam Carolla (42:00)

Do you remember some of the films?

Brittany Snow (42:03)

Yeah. Jeff Bridges won that year for American.

Adam Carolla (42:08)

Nelson.

Brittany Snow (42:09)

American Nelson. He won for special ed, American Heart, the Edward Furlong movie.

Adam Carolla (42:17)

Wow.

Brittany Snow (42:17)

And I remember we watched him the whole time because he was like, you know, it's Jeff Bridges, and he was sitting at a table.

Adam Carolla (42:23)

The only straight guys to ever break in Spirit Awards.

Adam Scott (42:28)

Isn't Jeff Bridges nominated in?

Brittany Snow (42:31)

Yeah, he's only nominated this year. Yeah.

Adam Carolla (42:33)

Oh, yeah. Well, it all comes to see your competition.

Brittany Snow (42:37)

Yeah, I mean, I'm sure he'll win, as he should. He's.

Adam Carolla (42:40)

Well, we don't know if his work was any better than your work.

Brittany Snow (42:44)

Oh, come on.

Adam Carolla (42:46)

The film will have a limited release.

Brittany Snow (42:49)

Yeah, it comes out here at the Sunset 5 starting Friday, December 11th, and.

Caller (42:54)

Then.

Brittany Snow (42:57)

Friday and Saturday night, the 11th and the 12th. We're having a Q and A afterwards with us and Neil LaBute, who produced the movie, and the writer, director Lee Krieger. And then Also I think J.K. simmons is going to be there and Alex Frost. And then hopefully it'll start in New York in January and spread around.

Adam Carolla (43:19)

Spread out.

Brittany Snow (43:19)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (43:21)

And the plan, like, Adam, I feel like you've been kind of knocking on the door of making the crossover from. Tell me if this is a correct assessment.

Brittany Snow (43:35)

From nothing to something.

Adam Carolla (43:37)

I was gonna say less than nothing. No, what I was gonna say is in the independent films, you get to be the lead guy. Right. And in big budget films, you get to be the friend of the lead. But at a certain point, you will be the lead guy in the big budget films, God willing. But.

Adam Scott (43:56)

But he just did. You just did a movie with Amy Adams, right?

Brittany Snow (44:00)

Yeah, I'm the. I'm definitely not. I'm definitely the. The other guy in that as well.

Adam Carolla (44:04)

The one you filmed in Scotland was It.

Brittany Snow (44:06)

Ireland. Yeah. Oh, Ireland, Yeah.

Adam Carolla (44:09)

Half Nelson, too.

Brittany Snow (44:10)

Yeah. Special Ed, Part 2. It's amazing.

Adam Carolla (44:13)

Heading to Ireland.

Brittany Snow (44:15)

Ryan Gosling's character is. That's who I'm playing. I'm playing his character. Stepping into a romantic comedy from.

Adam Carolla (44:24)

From Half Nelson.

Brittany Snow (44:25)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (44:26)

So. So, yeah, But. But I'm assuming. I mean, if I was following you like a. Like a stock, I would assume that within a few short years, you would be that guy in that movie. If, in fact, that's what you want to be. Do you want to be that?

Brittany Snow (44:45)

Sure. I mean, who knows? I mean, who knows if.

Adam Carolla (44:49)

How.

Brittany Snow (44:50)

I mean, I've kind of learned that, you know, I've been at it for, like, 15 years, and I've never. Whatever plan I've ever had has never worked out. I've just kind of piecemealed a career together. And so I just have kind of figured out that you don't try to plan anything. Things just kind of.

Adam Carolla (45:08)

Right.

Brittany Snow (45:09)

You can't predict. Brittany would probably attest to this. You can't predict anything. You just kind of have to try and do things that you think you'll be good in and just kind of hope for the best, you know? Yeah, no, if that happens, that would be great. But if it doesn't, I also would not be surprised.

Adam Carolla (45:27)

But, I mean, being a working actor is, you know, I don't want to sound like, you know, condescending, but being a working actor in a business where 99.9% of people don't make a living is pretty good. Same with you, Brittany. And I'll ask you the same question then. What. What's next for you?

Adam Scott (45:46)

Well, I have a movie called Janie Jones coming out next year. But, I mean, as far as, like, you know, that sort of thing, I'm kind of in the same boat where I'm just, like, waiting. And I've been. I started when I was three, so I've been working my whole life, and it's been pretty nice.

Adam Carolla (46:03)

What were you doing at three?

Adam Scott (46:05)

Like, Disney commercials? I was like. In a stroller. Yeah. I was like, every.

Adam Carolla (46:12)

When you do the junket and people go, I started three. What? You. What'd you do? Just say, don't film. Just throw it off. Throw it away. Throw it away. You know what I mean? Just don't film.

Adam Scott (46:22)

Are you giving me comedic advice for the next time somebody asks you that?

Adam Carolla (46:26)

Let's try it. Well, let's throw it. Throw it over. Just pretend I'm from Entertainment Tonight.

Adam Scott (46:30)

Okay.

Adam Carolla (46:30)

Sitting here with Britney Snow. A new film, the Vicious Kind. Brittany, you've been at it for quite some time here. IMDb'd you. You got. Says here. Got started, age three. What were you doing? Three years old, adult films. Good. That was really good.

Brittany Snow (46:48)

That was good. It was almost intimidating how serious you were.

Adam Scott (46:51)

Yeah, I really went for it there. I didn't want to. Like, I was, you know, what I was gonna do? I was gonna go over the top with it. But then I thought I was gonna get in trouble.

Brittany Snow (46:59)

Threw it out like it was a piece of garbage.

Adam Carolla (47:00)

That's good. And again, I'm, you know, I'm no acting coach. It was awesome. Let's follow it up. You know, the adult films. That was awesome. And then when I act a little bit surprised, I'll be caught off guard. Like, those guys are just reading off their teleprompter or whatever. They're not really listening. But I will have heard that. I'll be taken aback for a minute, and you'll see that in me, and you'll go, oh, just girl. Girl.

Brittany Snow (47:24)

Okay.

Adam Carolla (47:25)

Okay. Just try it. Are you ready? Okay. You want to go to that place? Are you. Okay, you need to find your implicit cue. Okay.

Adam Scott (47:33)

Watermelon, cantaloupe. Watermelon, cantaloupe.

Brittany Snow (47:35)

Okay, good. And I'll do the kind of countdown. Two, one.

Adam Carolla (47:40)

You don't say the one.

Brittany Snow (47:41)

Oh, I don't.

Adam Carolla (47:42)

Oh, right, right. You don't say the last three.

Brittany Snow (47:44)

Three.

Adam Carolla (47:44)

You start at five.

Brittany Snow (47:45)

Five, four, three.

Adam Carolla (47:49)

No.

Adam Scott (47:49)

Oh, my God.

Brittany Snow (47:50)

Oh, wait, I say two.

Adam Carolla (47:51)

I say two, four, and then. Yeah, yeah.

Brittany Snow (47:54)

Wait, you don't.

Adam Carolla (47:54)

The last three. The last three are quiet.

Brittany Snow (47:56)

Why don't you just go one, two.

Adam Carolla (47:59)

You should. They should do that. Yeah, they always do the five.

Adam Scott (48:02)

How about just ready, set, go.

Adam Carolla (48:04)

I like that.

Brittany Snow (48:06)

We can't do that now.

Adam Carolla (48:07)

The last three are quiet.

Brittany Snow (48:09)

Okay. Five, four. There you go.

Adam Carolla (48:16)

Sitting here with Brittany Snow. Newest film, the vicious kind, out December 11th. Brittany, reading your bio. You got started at the tender age of three. What, pray tell, were you doing at three adult films? What?

Adam Scott (48:35)

I was just. It was just girl on girl.

Adam Carolla (48:37)

Yeah. Okay, that's good. You know what? I also have to say, I wasn't good at that.

Brittany Snow (48:41)

I have to say that was. That was pretty good, your reaction. And I was more worried about that than what Brittany was gonna do.

Adam Scott (48:47)

Yeah, me too, because you kind of. You kind of went. You went a little overboard with the taking a bath.

Adam Carolla (48:52)

I was trying to kind of cue you.

Adam Scott (48:54)

No, I didn't need anything from you.

Adam Carolla (48:55)

But we'd have a single on you, so.

Brittany Snow (48:58)

But we would have to cut to you to. Really.

Adam Carolla (49:00)

We can pick that up.

Brittany Snow (49:02)

Yeah, we can pick it up later. But if we were gonna do it again, if we were gonna do it again, I would say all you need to do is like, move your eyes a little bit and Brittany would be able to pick up.

Adam Carolla (49:10)

Yeah. I gotta be honest, this is not a critique or an attack. I started with a beat of just eye movement and she didn't. She didn't jump in, so I thought maybe she was a little confused, so. But you're finding them. You were taking a moment.

Adam Scott (49:23)

I was taking a moment because I didn't. Right. I didn't know. I didn't know where you were gonna go with it, you know?

Adam Carolla (49:28)

Yeah.

Adam Scott (49:28)

So I had to feel it out.

Brittany Snow (49:29)

Really could go anywhere.

Adam Carolla (49:30)

This is why we probably should have rehearsed.

Brittany Snow (49:34)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (49:34)

But, you know, we have an independent type budget. Speaking of that, did you guys get to rehearse? I did a movie where we didn't rehearse at all. Because you don't have it. The budget.

Brittany Snow (49:43)

We read through some.

Adam Scott (49:44)

Yeah, we read through some stuff. But when we were working on it, we had a lot of time to, like, kind of feel it out, I guess.

Brittany Snow (49:52)

Yeah.

Adam Scott (49:53)

But not really any, like, previous, like.

Brittany Snow (49:55)

No, we didn't have it. I don't. I mean, we. There was.

Adam Carolla (49:59)

Did we.

Adam Scott (49:59)

No.

Adam Carolla (50:00)

Well, don't you. We didn't kind of feel. I mean, you know, when they do those movies and they do those war movies and they're like. We took the whole group and put them all together to boot camp. And I'm always sort of like, can't you rub some dirt on your face and act like you're tired?

Brittany Snow (50:17)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (50:18)

Like, do you. It's called acting.

Brittany Snow (50:20)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (50:21)

And I really feel like if you can act and I've worked with people that are good actors, you know, you can play someone's wife, you can play horny, you can play happy, you can play whatever. You don't need to go to that place or drag that.

Brittany Snow (50:35)

You threw horny in there. Did you play horny?

Adam Carolla (50:38)

Well, it was more alliteration with the horny and the happy. Your wife. Did your wife really say. She kind of had a little crush on me a little bit?

Brittany Snow (50:44)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (50:45)

Yeah.

Brittany Snow (50:45)

She said no, it was a few. No, it was a few years ago. And she was like. She was talking about something and we were talking about, I think I was going to do Loveline or something when you were doing Loveline and she was like, just, you know, we always had just kind of a little Flirty thing. You should just know that. Like, she kind of, like, threw it out there, like, you should just know that sort of thing. And I was like, why the fuck are you talking about?

Adam Carolla (51:08)

I really don't feel like we had a flirty thing. I'm still.

Brittany Snow (51:10)

Well, then maybe.

Adam Carolla (51:11)

Maybe it's just.

Brittany Snow (51:11)

Maybe it's just her.

Adam Carolla (51:13)

I thought she was attractive and smart and nice and everything else, but I never. I never felt. Other than the basic, you know, office conversation, I never felt like we had any of that.

Brittany Snow (51:27)

Well, then she'll be heartbroken when she hears this.

Adam Carolla (51:29)

But don't get me wrong, I was just concealing my attraction for her.

Brittany Snow (51:33)

Okay.

Adam Carolla (51:33)

Okay. Okay.

Brittany Snow (51:34)

Well, then she was able to see through that clearly.

Adam Carolla (51:36)

Evidently.

Brittany Snow (51:37)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (51:38)

Wow. I really feel like I'm a horrible actor now. I couldn't pull off my Entertainment Tonight cue.

Brittany Snow (51:44)

No, what we're saying, Adam, don't get us wrong. What we're saying is you did pull it off.

Adam Scott (51:49)

Oh, oh, right.

Brittany Snow (51:50)

But then you followed up pulling it off by leaning into it a little. Yeah, yeah, I leaned it a little bit, which is fine.

Adam Carolla (51:56)

Yeah. No, you know why? Because I'm used to doing fake acting scenarios on stage.

Brittany Snow (52:01)

Of course, of course. And we can cut around you. You know, the weird thing is, is that. Is that. Is that you guys were appalled at my, albeit lame, Tiger woods joke. And then you did a whole bit about 3 year old girl on girl.

Adam Carolla (52:17)

There was a picture of Tiger woods and his infant son, I guess, and his. And his wife and.

Brittany Snow (52:23)

But they were all curled together and.

Adam Carolla (52:24)

Doing like a threesome joke.

Brittany Snow (52:26)

Yeah, and it was a. Not a good.

Adam Carolla (52:27)

Totally appropriate. Totally appropriate.

Brittany Snow (52:29)

But then you guys just did like a, you know, like a seven minute bit on.

Adam Carolla (52:34)

Yeah, on three, I think it really only felt like seven minutes.

Adam Scott (52:37)

And three year old girl.

Adam Carolla (52:38)

I just think it'd be funny just to say it in a straight way. I. I don't know.

Brittany Snow (52:42)

I thought it was funny too. I'm just addressing what happened.

Adam Carolla (52:45)

So. So you started. You started modeling at 3?

Adam Scott (52:48)

Well, I was like, yeah, I mean, I guess it was like little, you know, print baby ads and stuff like that. And like I was the little baby in the stroller, you know, at Disney World or whatever. And then got into big things like Nabisco commercials and like Oreo and like.

Brittany Snow (53:01)

Really?

Adam Scott (53:01)

Yeah.

Brittany Snow (53:02)

Do you have some of those?

Adam Scott (53:04)

My mom probably does. I'm not sure.

Brittany Snow (53:06)

Are they on YouTube and stuff?

Adam Scott (53:08)

No, I don't think so. I don't really, like, look for my crazy Nabisco coral when I was like.

Brittany Snow (53:14)

And how old were you when you got American Dreams? When that.

Adam Carolla (53:17)

Fifteen.

Brittany Snow (53:17)

Fifteen?

Adam Scott (53:18)

Yeah.

Brittany Snow (53:18)

So young to like have your.

Adam Carolla (53:19)

A TV show.

Brittany Snow (53:20)

That must have been nuts.

Adam Scott (53:22)

It was, it was. I don't know. For some reason I didn't even think about. I was on a Soap Opera from 12 to 15.

Adam Carolla (53:26)

That's right, that's right. And which one?

Adam Scott (53:28)

Guiding Light. And was the rebellious, you know, teen taking over a leather jacket sometimes? Yep, totally.

Adam Carolla (53:36)

Did I ever catch you smoking?

Adam Scott (53:37)

Yep, I smoked on there and I guzzled cough syrup and got like drunk.

Brittany Snow (53:43)

Whoa, did you have drunk scenes?

Adam Carolla (53:45)

You robotrip?

Adam Scott (53:46)

Yeah, drunk scenes.

Adam Carolla (53:47)

Before I had never robotussen and I.

Adam Scott (53:50)

Didn'T even drink then. And of course I didn't drink then.

Adam Carolla (53:54)

Right.

Adam Scott (53:54)

Because I was 50, like 13. But I had to do like drunk scenes or whatever and.

Adam Carolla (53:59)

Wow, did you like yell, you're not the boss of me.

Adam Scott (54:03)

I definitely like threw around bread and like.

Brittany Snow (54:07)

Bread?

Adam Scott (54:07)

Yeah, like they gave me bread to like soak up the alcohol in the scene or whatever and I was just like throwing it and like eating it and dancing on the show.

Brittany Snow (54:14)

That is something I want to see.

Adam Scott (54:16)

Maybe that's on YouTube.

Adam Carolla (54:17)

So guiding light for do you say three years?

Adam Scott (54:20)

Yep.

Adam Carolla (54:21)

And now you're from Florida, right?

Adam Scott (54:24)

Yep.

Adam Carolla (54:24)

And so you had to come out here to do that, I'm assuming to do Guiding Light.

Adam Scott (54:29)

Well, actually it was weird. I had like, and this is a really boring story, but I went to school in Florida and then I did the soap opera in New York. So I would go to school like three days a week, fly to New York, do two days of the show, fly back to Florida.

Brittany Snow (54:43)

So you were like 12 years old doing this?

Adam Scott (54:44)

Yeah.

Brittany Snow (54:45)

That is crazy.

Adam Scott (54:46)

And then I started doing. My parents went with me a little bit, but sometimes I would go, you know, just fly there.

Brittany Snow (54:51)

Well, I can't believe that you actually as an adult have your shit together and like a normal person. I would be a maniac if that. If I was doing that at 12 years old.

Adam Carolla (55:01)

You mean you just, you would have been in and out of rehab by now?

Brittany Snow (55:05)

Well, I would just be like an egomaniacal, insane person.

Adam Carolla (55:10)

Yes, well, see we established your born. So you're, you're, you're 23. We've figured out. But there is a certain maturity that you don't see in most 23 year olds.

Brittany Snow (55:23)

That's true.

Adam Carolla (55:24)

You have, you have. Well, you know, sometimes you see people that are in their 30s and they seem like they're 14. Yeah. And then other times you see people that are younger and Britney's 23.

Brittany Snow (55:36)

And she seems like she's in her early 70s.

Adam Carolla (55:38)

Yeah, I say mid, but yeah.

Brittany Snow (55:40)

Okay.

Adam Carolla (55:40)

No, Brittany, you have, you have a sort of confidence and a sort of vibe and a sort of whatever. That doesn't feel like 23 at all. And it's probably. Yes.

Brittany Snow (55:51)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (55:51)

Yeah.

Adam Scott (55:51)

Thank you.

Adam Carolla (55:52)

Yeah. It's probably based on essentially sort of being an adult when you were 13.

Adam Scott (55:58)

Yeah. Learning about blowjobs when I was 12.

Brittany Snow (56:01)

What? What?

Adam Carolla (56:02)

That's another thing I'd like you to, you know, work into the interview.

Adam Scott (56:06)

No, I know, but yeah, I mean, I was on a soap opera when I was 12, so like, you know, there was a lot of that.

Brittany Snow (56:12)

You mean learning about a story strain.

Adam Scott (56:15)

In just like, like. No, like adults like talking about it while they were doing like scenes or whatever. And I'm in the, in the scene being like.

Adam Carolla (56:22)

Right. You know, I'm gonna start watching Guiding Light if there's much more.

Brittany Snow (56:28)

It's not a guy.

Adam Scott (56:29)

It got canceled after. I mean, it been on since radio.

Adam Carolla (56:32)

Wow.

Adam Scott (56:33)

Just got canceled.

Adam Carolla (56:34)

Wow.

Brittany Snow (56:35)

As the World Turns got canceled yesterday too.

Adam Scott (56:37)

Really?

Adam Carolla (56:38)

Yeah, now I just have my telenovelas I have to watch in Spanish.

Adam Scott (56:42)

Oh man. There's always passion.

Brittany Snow (56:44)

How are you gonna cope?

Adam Carolla (56:45)

There was a fair amount of, fair amount of oral talk and Guiding Light. Huh?

Adam Scott (56:49)

Just on set with like the actors like that. It was just being around people that were older and they didn't. Yeah, because it was a soap opera. There wasn't like, oh, there's a kid around we can't talk about.

Adam Carolla (56:59)

No, it happens when you have kids. You, you, you figure out pretty quickly that, you know, like, your friends come over and be like, hey guys, a fuck wad. And then they look over at your kids and they go, oh shit, yeah, sorry little dude. And like. But it doesn't go away. The kid heard fuck wad you yelling. Oh shit, right?

Brittany Snow (57:19)

For.

Adam Carolla (57:19)

Sorry dude. Pardon my French. Like doesn't erase it from their brain.

Brittany Snow (57:25)

It marinates in there actually.

Adam Carolla (57:27)

It actually, yeah. Sort of cauterizes it or something like that.

Brittany Snow (57:31)

And it'll come out at weird times. Cuz you have three year olds, right?

Adam Carolla (57:35)

You're twins or three and a half.

Brittany Snow (57:37)

Yeah, yeah, I have a three year old too. And he, he's like grabbing on everything and saying it.

Adam Carolla (57:42)

So.

Brittany Snow (57:42)

Yeah, he hasn't said yet, but he, he said. And I'm sure is coming because we're both like say it a lot.

Adam Carolla (57:50)

Well, a, a happy note to go out on Adam Scott's kid dropping the S bomb.

Brittany Snow (57:57)

Yeah. Yours don't yet or they have.

Adam Carolla (58:02)

No, no, I haven't heard them. I. I haven't. I mean, yeah, they use the N word pretty liberally, but I've not yet. Not heard yet. No, not. Not yet. Adam Scott, Britney Snow. The movie is the vicious kind. And Jay Glazer from the NFL Network, Fox, and all the MMA stuff. He'll be our guest next.

Podcast Narrator (58:28)

All right, that was adam Kroll show 219 with the great Adam Scott. He first started appearing on air with Adam Kroll back on Loveline in 2005. As right as Adam's career was kind of hitting the area where he would appear on Loveline as a guest, they didn't usually have guests on twice in a year, but Adam was such a hit, just like Will Arnett, they had to have him back as soon as possible. Adam's wife Naomi was the assistant to Adam Caroll and Jimmy Kimmel while they worked at the man show. She even filled in as the news girl in the 2006 Morning show when.

Adam Carolla (58:54)

They were looking for new people.

Podcast Narrator (58:56)

After Rachel Perry left the show, Adams appeared on the Adam Kroll show many times. This is Britney's debut and only appearance so far. Adam, of course, lent his house to Adam Scott as the producer and star of the movie the Overnight that came out in 2015. There was a huge kerfuffle with Adam having a new carpet and then destroying that carp and claiming a carpet was.

Caller (59:14)

Like that when they got there.

Podcast Narrator (59:15)

I hope we get to hear either of them back on the show someday soon. All right, we're going to close out this episode with Adam Carolla Show 215 featuring Adam Carolla. This was the debut of Ace on the House where they were trying that format where Adam takes home improvement questions. It felt very fitting for a Sunday. It's so nostalgic because that show has essentially run and had its entire life and then ended Base on the House was on for over 10 years and has a ton of episodes. And it's kind of forgotten media now because it's not really celebrated. There's no classics or anything like that. This is from before they had an RSS feed when they were just trying things out. It's Adam Carolla Show 215 featuring Adam Carolla from 2009.

Adam Carolla (59:52)

Yeah, get it on. Got to get it on. No choice but to get it on. Well, you guys have been asking for it, and finally you're gonna get it. Actually, no one asked for it. We just decided be a good way to try to make some money. That's right on the house. It's the ace man talking about the topic he knows best, home improvement. Getting back in touch with my roots. So we'll be taking your phone calls. I'll be giving you my tips and weaving in a little humor along the way. So what I'm going to do is going to first say, let's see, let me clean this up before we get started. Let me ask you to go. Before we get started. Let me just tell you. Our Twitter address is Adam Carolla, one word, C A R O L L A Adam Carolla. That, my friends, will be your gateway to our world. You can find out when to call into shows what we're doing, where we're going to be, and when the wheeze is going to shave that mustache. So, Adam Carolla, one word at Twitter. Now for the tip of the day, I want to talk a little bit of hardwood flooring. I know a lot of you have hardwood floors that are screwed up, that have big gaps in them, that have gouges in them, that have pet stains in them that might be beyond refinishing yet. They got that great texture, that great vibe, that great feel, that squeak, that je ne sais quoi that only comes with an old wood floor. So much better than today's engineered stuff that's been, you know, kiln dried and has 10 coats of varathane on it before it leaves IKEA. So you want to keep the old wood floor, you want to keep the old vibe. On the other hand, you don't want to spend a bunch of money sanding the crap out of it and staining it and putting all the coats of varathane on it, so on and so forth. Paint it. I do this all over my house, and I've done this in multiple houses. And it's really cool. You take that hallway, you take that kitchen, you take that great room, and you paint it. How do you paint it? Let me tell you real quick. They have floor paint. You can mix it up in any color you want, just like wall paint. And you put it on just like you put on wall paint. It's real smooth. So I'd probably put it on with a foam roller or a low nap roller, not a very nappy roller. And then what I would do is I would cut it in along the edges with a brush and I would paint the floor. Now, not only do you pick out a color that's cool for the floor, you don't have to paint it brown. I have a floor in my house that's green. And the reason it's green is it goes up against an old Art Deco 20s bathroom, that cool green art dec deco look. And I just took a sample of that and painted the floor the same color. Then I did a border because you're painting the floor and you can do whatever you want when you're painting a floor. I did a border all the way around. Well, the outside I did it about 6 inches in. I just masked it off and I painted it a sort of a red mahogany all the way around the doors, the door openings, so on and so forth. Your imagination is your only limitation on that. Use some blue tape, mask it off and then you have a cool color floor with a cool border. And I will say this, the sharp edged border, the masked border up against the body of the floor is going to be too abrupt, too rigid. You then need to cut in that border. Now I don't have a steady enough hand. I drink too much to do this. I hired a scenic painter. She is not cheap. You know, they're like 40 bucks an hour. But in two hours she was done putting a pinstripe about a quarter inch wide in between the border and the main floor. And we picked a neutral color, just this sort of weird kind of gold umber color. So I have this cool deco green floor with this sort of mahogany looking burgundy kind of looking border and this sort of goldeny kind of umbrella border that she hand painted. And the key is hand paint because it looks smooth. If you use masking tape, it looks sharp and edgy and angular and rigid and it doesn't quite look right. So she then did that and then I put a couple of coats of clear gym floor varathane over the whole thing just to give it some depth. And it looks awesome. Donnie, back me up on this crap, would you please? I had a hallway. I had a hallway in my house that was a mess. It was filled with pet stains and it really. You couldn't have redone it. And it looks awesome painted, does it not? Yes, it does. And it actually has a vintage feel. It almost looks like it's original. You still see the cracks in the floor. It still squeaks when you walk on it. You can still see the grain in it, but yet it's a color. And I don't know how to describe it, but it really works. It really comes out. And if you have some major trouble with the floor, like some big gouges or some planks that need to be replaced, you can get the bondo out, you can do the patching because again, it's paint grade. It's not stain grade. So my tip for today is don't be afraid to paint that floor. Don't tear it up. Don't tile over it. Paint it and you'll add a very unique quality to your house while keeping the sort of old school vibe, grain, and general feel of a wood floor. And now let's get to the phones. Phil 45 from Burbank. Yo, yo, what's happening, Phil?

Caller (65:48)

I got a question for you.

Adam Carolla (65:50)

All right, thanks for calling on the house.

Caller (65:52)

Yeah, so, okay, so we did a. We added some square footage to our house last year. And the last thing we did, of course, was stucco. You know, and the guys that did the stucco, they did a crubby job and it kind of cracked.

Adam Carolla (66:09)

Those lazy Swedes. Listen, you're calling from Burbank. You're living in San Fernando Valley. It's all the Swedish guys, all those blonde guys out there with their Nutella, drinking their beer with the corks in it. Yeah, I've worked with those dudes before. Yeah. So what happened?

Caller (66:30)

Okay, so, you know, on the back side of the house gets morning sun. So I think they put it on at the wrong time of the day and it dried too quick. So the front of the house is fine, but the back of the house, where the sun hits it, got all these little fine cracks. And then me, like an idiot, I thought I could like, somehow patch it or something, but now it looks worse.

Adam Carolla (66:51)

Yeah, it's tough to patch a stucco crack, and it just tends to want to come back. Stucco does crack. I mean, it's prone to some cracking. The question is how much cracking. Like if you go with a rough finish, like if you go with a sponge trowel finish and you know, you make it look like a 70s mini mart, then you don't see the cracks as much. I've never seen a stucco job that had a metal trowel so smooth finish that didn't have a bunch of cracks in it. So is yours metal trowel or is it sponge trowel? It's.

Caller (67:30)

It's not a smooth finish, so it's probably sponge trowel.

Adam Carolla (67:32)

All right, so it's that traditional stucco looking stucco. Yeah. Still has a lot of cracks in it. And you went with a color coat. You. You didn't paint the house. You, you.

Podcast Narrator (67:43)

That's right.

Caller (67:43)

They mix the color in it.

Adam Carolla (67:44)

You mix the color in it. Here would be. And I'm not a stucco expert, but I've been around K lath and I've been around Some color coat and some brown coat and some scratch coat. In my day, those little cracks are going to be real tough to patch. One thing that would probably help is if you painted the house with an elastomeric type paint. They have a paint, elastomeric type paint. It's like a membrane, it's like a rubberized membrane. And it's actually pretty good. I mean it's a pretty cheap fix. You waterproof the house a little more than you would with just a stucco because the stucco isn't exactly waterproof. This is more of a membrane, a sort of rubberized membrane. And if you painted the house and you painted over the cracks with that, it might, well, you'd still have to do it every once in a while, but it might, it might alleviate the problem. Do you like the color of the house?

Caller (68:48)

Yeah, the color is real nice.

Adam Carolla (68:49)

I'm sure your wife hates it. Would like you to change it with some elastomeric paint. Really?

Caller (68:55)

About the next to me.

Adam Carolla (68:56)

Yeah, the only thing, the only. Can you put her on the phone?

Caller (68:59)

Yes, she's right here.

Adam Carolla (69:00)

Let's speak to her.

Caller (69:02)

This is Crystal.

Adam Carolla (69:04)

Crystal, I like the color Crystal. You like. You sound like a second wife, Crystal. First wife named Crystal. Usually Crystal is the stripper you're banging on the side or maybe the second or third trophy wife. But you rarely, the, you know, you rarely hear that. Well, they've been married for 81 years. That's Hezekiah and Crystal. So Crystal, you like the color. See the thing about the cracks, I get a lot of them in my house too. About once a year I just go in there with some painters, caulk, really push it into the crack. And then I touch up paint the house. But you guys have the color coat so you can't really touch up paint the thing. I don't think there's a lot you can do if you're not willing to do the elastomeric paint job on the house.

Caller (69:57)

How do you apply that stuff?

Adam Carolla (69:59)

It's just like regular paint, just you know, a half inch or maybe three quarter nap roller and just roll it right on, you know, five gallon bucket, throw a screen in it, put a roller extension on it. Don't be one of those stooges that bends down and holds the roller on the handle. As a matter of fact, rollers shouldn't even have grips where the handles are because every time you use a roller you should just use a six foot extension pole that screws into it. But it's the kind of thing that you could do in a weekend. It's. It's not that big a deal. And it would get rid of a lot of the spider cracking, I do believe. I'll tell you what. I've come up with a compromise. Phil and Crystal.

Caller (70:38)

Okay?

Adam Carolla (70:39)

I would say get. If you can get a little sample that color, take it to a paint store, match it, get the elastomeric in that color that's already on the house, and just paint the backside wall that has all of the spider cracking in it and see how it does. If it doesn't work, don't bother doing the whole house before you paint it. Make sure it's clean and make sure you've taken all those cracks and sort of caulk them in. Put a bead of caulk on them and take like, a wet rag and kind of push it into the crack, let it dry, Then use the elastomeric. Then give it a month or so, see how it works, and see if that doesn't cure the problem, you might not have to paint the whole house. Just paint the backside where the spider cracking is. If you can match the paint up well enough.

Caller (71:35)

Is that like, some stuff I can get, like at home depot or Lowe's or something like that?

Adam Carolla (71:39)

Yeah, I do believe you can get that anywhere. Elastomeric. I don't know if it's the brand name. I don't know if it's the type of paint. It's probably one of these things like Kleenex that's a brand name, but it turned into a sort of generic name. But either way, it's a exterior paint that is rubberized.

Mary (71:58)

Okay.

Adam Carolla (71:59)

All right.

Mary (71:59)

Sounds like a fun weekend project.

Adam Carolla (72:00)

Yes. Go sick, you two, as my gay friends would say. Who else do we have on the line there, Weezer? Hey there, Jonathan.

Caller (72:09)

Yes.

Adam Carolla (72:10)

What's going on, Jonathan?

Caller (72:11)

Not much. Hey, Adam. Thanks for taking my call.

Adam Carolla (72:14)

Sure.

Caller (72:15)

So I just bought a new house.

Adam Carolla (72:17)

My first time, actually. Congratulations.

Caller (72:20)

Thank you. Thank you. We're very excited about it, my wife and I. And it's great, except for a couple things. And one of the things we want to switch right away is that the living room and the hall have this crappy old wood paneling on the walls.

Adam Carolla (72:32)

I don't like commercials where they go. Your home, your biggest investment. Really? How do you know I'm not gonna buy a yacht or fucking Faberge egg, you assholes. I don't like when they tell me what my biggest investment is.

Caller (72:46)

It is, in fact, my biggest investment.

Adam Carolla (72:48)

It's your biggest investment. Your Home.

Caller (72:51)

Right.

Adam Carolla (72:51)

And it's got really crappy paneling.

Caller (72:53)

Right.

Adam Carolla (72:54)

And it's in the entry hall, you say?

Caller (72:57)

No, it's the whole living room.

Adam Carolla (72:58)

Wow.

Caller (72:59)

The whole living room in the hallway.

Adam Carolla (73:01)

What year did they do it?

Caller (73:03)

I know the house goes back to the 40s, and it's just the. The original owner has owned it until now. It died, I think. And so for all I know, it's.

Adam Carolla (73:12)

Been there the whole time.

Caller (73:13)

And to make it worse, not that I wouldn't want to get rid of it anyhow, it's been painted over.

Adam Carolla (73:17)

Yeah.

Caller (73:18)

So it's painted wood paneling, and I believe it's just sheetrock underneath it. It's still in escrow, so I haven't had a chance to really look at it.

Adam Carolla (73:25)

Well, if it's from the 40s, it's probably button board and plaster. Maybe lath and plaster.

Caller (73:33)

Okay.

Adam Carolla (73:33)

But either way.

Caller (73:35)

But the question is, first of all, is this something I could think about doing myself, or do I need to hire someone?

Adam Carolla (73:41)

Well, you can think about it, and then you could hire a pro. Yeah, you could think about it and realize what a spaz you were and hire a pro. No, it's pretty easy to pull that stuff down. Pulling it down, sure.

Caller (73:53)

But it's the question, what do I have to put up after it?

Adam Carolla (73:56)

Well, there's a couple steps. And, you know, when it comes to hiring a pro, you don't need to hire a pro to pull the stuff down. You might need to hire a pro to do a skim coat over what's left behind.

Caller (74:10)

Okay.

Adam Carolla (74:10)

But the pro will charge you less if it's all cleaned up and ready to go when they get there. Versus them charging you for pulling it down.

Caller (74:17)

Yes, I know that I can pull them because I've actually, while I was.

Adam Carolla (74:20)

Checking out, I mean, it's really bad.

Caller (74:22)

It's like, already starting to buckle in.

Adam Carolla (74:24)

The middle, you know, so you can.

Caller (74:25)

Actually sort of peek underneath it to see what's there.

Adam Carolla (74:28)

Is it thin? I'm guessing if it's starting to buckle, it's.

Caller (74:31)

Yeah, it's thin.

Adam Carolla (74:32)

It's like quarter inch thick.

Caller (74:34)

Oh, I might. I. I feel like it's like an eight.

Adam Carolla (74:37)

Could be an eighth. Don't ever crack me on the air. So, Jonathan, if it's an eighth inch thick, it was added later.

Caller (74:44)

Okay.

Adam Carolla (74:45)

It wasn't part of the 40 scheme. Somebody who was really high in the 70s decided to be a good idea to put paneling up. And I don't know what we're thinking. Like I said, I think we're just really high or really depressed. Depressed or depressed and high like my mom. And everyone just decided to add paneling to the inside of the house. And then they would add a paneling to the outside of the house too. They just come, you know, and cars, even the side of the car, the pan, the panel was so the power. Forget about the force, the power of the panel. What about zebra was so strong. Yeah, Donnie's right. With the Z brick, they would do. They would do paneling inside the house. Then they would get fake brick, plastic paneling and add that to the inside of the house. Then the car manufacturers started adding fake wood paneling to the outside of the station wagons. And then on the outside of the house, we'd put aluminum siding on the house. There's something we hated about the house back then that we had to cover it with a bunch of crap. So that stuff will pop off. Just pop off.

Caller (75:46)

Yeah, I get, I get that sense. I can do the pop off myself.

Adam Carolla (75:51)

Let me tell you. I'll walk you right through it. Yeah, you can pop it off. Hopefully the people were lazy and just nailed it on there with some, you know, little common head nails, glue.

Caller (76:01)

But okay. Either way.

Adam Carolla (76:02)

Well, okay. If they, if they put mastic on there, it would probably be what they would call a mastic, which is a type of glue. And it's a type of glue that's not going to come off that easily. But you could get it off. You could pull all the paneling off and then let's just say there's mastic left behind.

Caller (76:21)

Yes.

Adam Carolla (76:21)

Now the way to get that mastic off would be a rigid knife. And when I say knife, I mean like a putty knife. Okay. Something, you know, it's going to cost you seven, eight, nine dollars. It's going to be a little bit rigid. It's going to have a handle on. It's probably going to say hide on the handle. And you get a heat gun. It's like a high powered hair dryer. And you sort of run it along with the knife and on the mastic and you should be able to just warm it up and peel it off. Okay. Be careful with the heat gun because it's the kind of thing where if you leave it one place long enough, something will catch on fire. But you get the heat gun, you get, you get the rigid knife and you go. Now the whole thing shouldn't be masticed on. They'll be lines of mastic. Okay. And you just work every one of those snakes off of there. Floor to ceiling. So now you've gotten rid of the paneling, you've gotten rid of the mastic. And what you're left with is some probably plaster that has some cracks and maybe a couple nail holes in it.

Caller (77:28)

Right.

Adam Carolla (77:29)

If you want to go get some premix joint compound and get a little trough to put it in and get a couple of stucco, get a couple of knives, drywall knives, you could patch it up yourself. It ain't rocket science, okay? It's no big deal. The only difference between the guys who are good at it.

Caller (77:47)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (77:48)

And you is how long it takes them to get it good after it dries. You see, the guys that are really good barely have to sand when they're done because they're good. You are going to have to do a fair amount of sanding when you're done because you're not good. But you could still patch most of the fine lines and do like even a skim coat with the joint compound. The bigger holes you're going to have to fill with a little plaster patch or a little fix all or something like that.

Caller (78:21)

Like that kind of stuff.

Adam Carolla (78:22)

Something that won't shrink. Joint compound is no good for stuff that's more than a quarter inch or even deeper than 3:16 or something because it just sinks in. It shrinks. You need some kind of spackle. So fill the big holes with the spackle, fill the very small spider cracks with the joint compound. And if you don't want to make a mess, you can probably sponge it smooth after it's dry. Literally. Take a big, big sponge like you'd use to wash your car. Take some warm water and just wipe the whole thing down. Once it looks good, it is good. And then you can prime it and paint it.

Caller (79:00)

Really just prime it and paint it right on there. I don't have to replace. Replace the drywall or replace the.

Adam Carolla (79:04)

Unless it's in horrible shape. No, I'll bet you you don't. It's probably been entombed in there for about 40 years.

Caller (79:11)

Probably.

Adam Carolla (79:11)

Probably. Fine. And again, stop calling it drywall.

Caller (79:15)

Oh, why, why not? What is drywall?

Adam Carolla (79:17)

Plaster.

Caller (79:18)

Is that just the right word for it?

Adam Carolla (79:19)

Well, no, let me give you the evolution, young Jonathan from Redwood City. Yeah. First they started off with lath and plaster where they would literally just nail on a bunch of furry pieces of strips of wood, mix up some plaster and trowel it right over the little pieces of wood. Like when they bust into an old house and you see all those thin strips of wood in the back At a certain point, somebody said, what the hell are we doing nailing on all these little strips of wood? This is taking too much time. Why don't we nail on one sheet of stuff and plaster over that? That stuff was called button board, and that stuff probably started somewhere in the 40s. And then at a certain point, somebody said, hey, dill weed, as long as we're nailing up a whole sheet of button board, why don't we just make it smooth instead of divoted to hold the plaster, and we'll just call that drywall, and we'll call it a day. We'll just tape up and mud the seams. Now, your house is from the 40s, so probably has the button board with the plaster on it. I don't think the drywall came around until maybe the 50s or even later.

Caller (80:28)

But either way, after that.

Adam Carolla (80:30)

What's that? Unless it was redone after that. Well, now you make a valid point, in which case I may owe you a fruit basket and an apology, but that remains to be seen. So pull it off, get the heat gun, take the mastic off, maybe use a little lacquer thinner to wipe down whatever's left residue wise from the mastic and skim coat it. And again, you can figure it out. Use a spackle, use a sponge, use a little sandpaper, and then prime it and paint it. You should be fine.

Caller (81:05)

All right, I'm.

Adam Carolla (81:06)

I'm gonna.

Caller (81:07)

I'm gonna. At least I'm gonna see what it looks like when I pull the stuff off and then decide if it looks like.

Adam Carolla (81:12)

Call us back, Jonathan. And remember, in that case, if it looks good, it is good. It's not holding up anything.

Caller (81:19)

Good point. Well, thank you, Adam. That was very informative. I think I know what to do.

Adam Carolla (81:24)

Thank you, Jonathan. All right, take care, buddy. All right, we got Tom on the line. Tom. Hey, Adam, what's happening?

Caller (81:33)

Hey, nothing much.

Adam Carolla (81:35)

Let's talk, buddy.

Caller (81:38)

Sorry, talking to my crappy cell phone here.

Adam Carolla (81:40)

That's all right.

Caller (81:42)

I had a question. I'm trying to stay married right now, and my wife wants a pool. Yeah, I've been fighting with her on this for years. I'm a car guy like yourself, and I have a little side yard that I kind of work on cars and do whatever.

Adam Carolla (81:59)

Sure.

Caller (81:59)

And I was kind of hoping maybe you would know. I've never seen it, but there has to be.

Caller (82:04)

Oh, sorry.

Caller (82:05)

Other cell phones.

Adam Carolla (82:06)

I got a lot of cell phones.

Caller (82:08)

I was hoping maybe there was a. Like a square pool that maybe I could put in that I Could cover, you know, when it's not being used and, and kind of use it to, you know, park a car on or walk on.

Adam Carolla (82:22)

Wow. I've never seen it, but I'm curious if you're ambitious. Well, I've seen it. It's called the Beverly Hills High Swim Gym. That pool with a gymnasium over it. Yeah.

Caller (82:37)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (82:40)

That is an ambitious one, my friend. I will tell you what I know about pools. First off, they make some nice in ground pools that are prefabbed pools now. So instead of, you know, making the cage of rebar and spraying the gunite and doing all that crap, you literally dig a hole, get a crane and drop the thing in. So pools are becoming a lot cheaper. And again, you can just, you know, prefab drop in pools that look pretty nice these days. You have that going for you. The other thing that's interesting, they will and they do have a service. This is again not really going to answer your question, but just for people out there, let's say you're having a wedding in your backyard and you have a big swimming pool and you want to use it for a dance floor. There are companies that will come in there and put a little scaffolding thing and put a little plywood thing and actually turn your pool into a dance floor. They will cover it up and, and put plywood on it. I'll never forget that just before I was getting married, I was planning on getting married in my backyard of a other house I own and had an almost, I won't say Olympic sized swimming pool, but an old school swimming pool. This thing was 25ft wide and 65ft long. And we were talking about covering it up and making a dance floor out of it. I said to my wife, how many pieces of plywood do you think it'll take to cover that pool? And she said, I don't know, one. And I thought, really, I'm marrying you. This is the kind of jeans I want to pass along to my kids. One sheet of plywood to cover the goddamn pool. I told her they was 4 by 8. The humanity. Anyway, is there anything permanent? If there is anything, it's going to cost thousands and thousands of dollars. Now I know they make pool covers that they show kids bouncing up and down on, but I don't think they make anything rigid enough to drive a car over. So this is an interesting plan of yours and it's an ambitious plan and it's technically possible, but I just don't think it's to going, going to be cost efficient. It would literally be it, I would say minimum of $10,000 to fabricate something that you could drive a car over that acted as a pool cover. So you're going to either lose your marriage, lose your pool, or lose your El Camino. I really don't. I don't have a good answer for you, Don. Donnie's looking like he wants to say something over here. I'm curious to what the city would require for permits or design or engineering of.

Caller (85:27)

Yeah, good old Placentia over here. They're wonderful. I just got a garage sale ticket from them last Sunday, so.

Adam Carolla (85:32)

A garage sale ticket for selling a garage? For having a garage sale.

Caller (85:36)

Apparently, unbeknownst to me, you have to have a permit now in the city of wonderful Placentia to have a garage sale.

Adam Carolla (85:42)

Can you imagine telling our founding fathers that, like, Junior had to pull a permit to open a lemonade stand on a hot August Saturday on the corner, or they had to go, get yourself a permit to have a garage sale, for the love of Christ. There's nothing more.

Caller (86:00)

One of the things I want to do here is actually put in a larger garage.

Caller (86:03)

And.

Caller (86:05)

I wanted an offset of 15ft from the property line. And I had to fight with the city. And after spending about seven grand, it just didn't happen.

Adam Carolla (86:12)

And their hell, well, you think Placentia's hell? You know, try going to West LA or Malibu. Jesus Christ. I mean, listen, you know, let me tell you something about this godforsaken county we're living in. They have obviously taxed everybody who could move. Everyone who had wheels just picked up and moved. So they started taxing the film industry. So much so that everyone just went to Canada or went to Europe or went to New Mexico to do all their shooting. But what they realized is the guys who were trying to add on a garage to the house couldn't go to Canada, build the garage and then sneak it back at night. They knew you're stuck here, and so they're going to attempt to rape whoever lives here and can't pull up stakes and go shoot in Canada for three months and come back, they're going to attempt to do the greatest rape job they can on those people. I don't know when my friends on the left are going to get their shit together and realize that taxing the shit out of everyone, well, obviously it's not working. It just doesn't work. And I can't tell you, all the people think about all the business that has been lost from all the contractors and the Home Depots and the. All the subcontractors and everybody, including the city to some degree where people said, I want to put a second story on my garage or I want to add a guest house in the back of my house or I want to turn my garage into a guest house. Went down to the city, looked into it, pulled a couple of permits, gave him a few bucks, talked about it for a while and eventually just went, fuck it. It's too much money, it's too expensive. I can't deal with it. They want variances, they want to have a town hall meeting because I want my, you know, setback move from 6 foot to 8 foot or whatever. Either way. How about all the business loss from all the projects started but never really begun? You know, I was talking to Jay Leno about this. Jay Leno was like, I wanted to build a super garage at my house. I got the architectural plans, I got some permits. I had some guys as liaisons go to the city for me. 50 grand later I decided fuck it, it's too much. Couldn't deal with the hearings and the neighbors and the whole thing. Screw it. I just bought another warehouse in Burbank. Think about all the contractors that are losing money because of the jobs where people like Tom thought about building a garage and then went, you know what, it's too big a hassle.

Caller (88:52)

That's kind of what happened to me. On a smaller scale. I mean, behind our city hall here, you know, they have setbacks of 3ft on new construction and I think they require 17 on older. I wanted 15. I even took the city planner out and said, you know, you can't even fart, you know, next to your house and not having your neighbors smell you. Can't even put a trash can on the side of these newer homes.

Adam Carolla (89:14)

Believe me, I'm right in the middle of getting a soils impaction report that's going to cost me a grand for nothing. For some backfill that I put behind a goddamn retaining wall. It's really.

Caller (89:25)

As far as doing the variants and appearing before the city council, I got.

Adam Carolla (89:30)

I want to say this, I know I scream about it every single day, but really, to all my a hole friends on the left who are worried about the patriot act, this is the patriot act. This is the invasion of privacy. This is the loss of the civil liberties. This is what's impacting you. The city shaking you down. The city saying on your own property that you've purchased and pay a ton in taxes for annually, you cannot work on it. You must come to Us and beg to us. Put your hat in your hand, bend over and get out your checkbook. If you want to do a project on your own property, that's the invasion of privacy. Not them listening in trying to find out where the next goddamn Al Qaeda sleeper cell is, you idiots.

Caller (90:18)

But all these good rant.

Caller (90:20)

I didn't mean to.

Adam Carolla (90:20)

Thank you. All these assholes live in rent controlled apartments in Santa Monica. So what the hell would they and their life partner give a crap about hardworking guys like Tom and Placentia? Thank you, Tom.

Caller (90:31)

All right.

Caller (90:31)

Hey, thanks, Adam. I appreciate it.

Adam Carolla (90:34)

Fired me up. Jesus Christ. What it takes to build out here. I got friends who live in Texas. It's like they're just like, how's it work over there? You just start building over here? It's like, Jesus Christ. Have to beg a guy behind a counter to let you build. Beg them for the opportunity to pay them. Build.

Caller (90:54)

Yeah, it's a good point about the pool. I didn't even think about the city code side of it.

Caller (91:02)

Yeah, yeah.

Adam Carolla (91:03)

Bad times, Craig.

Caller (91:04)

Yeah, Craig. Yes, Craig.

Adam Carolla (91:07)

What's going on, Craig?

Caller (91:08)

Hey, how's it going?

Adam Carolla (91:09)

Good. You got a question?

Caller (91:11)

Yeah. I got a detached studio in my house in my backyard.

Adam Carolla (91:16)

Yeah, you do.

Caller (91:17)

Doesn't have any heat.

Adam Carolla (91:19)

No heat.

Caller (91:19)

So putting in a wood stove and I'm building the hearth pad and I want to get it raised up a little bit and like a little lip off the carpet.

Adam Carolla (91:29)

What do you do in that detached.

Caller (91:31)

Studio with like music? You know, I get away from the wife, kind of hang out, like watch movies. Got surround sound, like a Cialis commercial.

Adam Carolla (91:41)

I like it. Like commercials. Hey, let me tell you something. I just came up with a new name for the band. Hearth Pad.

Caller (91:49)

I like it.

Adam Carolla (91:52)

That's a band. That's like some easy listen, like the picture Jim Croce meets Gordon Lightfoot meets a starlight vocal band. Hearth Pad.

Caller (92:00)

That's pretty good. We were. We were trying to think of a name.

Adam Carolla (92:04)

What were you going by before?

Caller (92:06)

You know, we didn't even have anyone. We're still kind of looking for a drummer. We're kind of getting it together.

Adam Carolla (92:14)

I like Hearth Pad. And then if you guys got really popular, people like, you're gonna catch hp. These guys are hot. So you're going. So you're. You're living out in Washington.

Caller (92:25)

Yeah. Yeah.

Adam Carolla (92:26)

And you want to put like a wood burning stove back there.

Caller (92:29)

Yeah. Starting to get cold. So, you know, it's like 40 degrees at night out here, so we need to get a little heat.

Adam Carolla (92:34)

It's kind of cool though. Hearth pad jamming in front of the wood burning stove.

Caller (92:39)

Yeah, no, it's good times up here.

Adam Carolla (92:41)

And you want to know and it says a little recording studio.

Caller (92:46)

Yeah, that's kind of the long term plan. Maybe get a little something like that out here.

Adam Carolla (92:49)

And your question is what?

Caller (92:52)

So I want it. It's a flat floor, It's a concrete subfloor. So I'm just gonna. I was thinking about putting a little brick, you know, just a little brick pad. But I want to raise it up just a little bit. And I guess I need some non combustible material to build the frame out of it. Or can I just build it out of wood and then put on like backer board?

Adam Carolla (93:13)

Mm. How high do you want to build it up and then you want to kind of skin it with brick? Is that what you're talking about?

Caller (93:20)

Yeah, yeah, maybe just like as high as a brick is. So like the whole, the finished thing would be like two bricks high.

Adam Carolla (93:29)

There's a lot of, there's many ways you can go in terms of the combustible part of the whole thing, but if you're just going to go two bricks high, why don't you just go two courses of brick and not really worry about it? Yeah, I mean, you know, you could build a little wood frame and you could skin it with some hardy backer or wonder board or some, you know, cement fiber board or something like that and then put the bricks on top of that. But that's a hassle once you just buy 20 more bricks and just, just stack them up, you know.

Caller (94:00)

Yeah, no, that's. That's a pretty good idea as far.

Adam Carolla (94:02)

As the brick goes. I'm no mason, but what I would do is I would make sure that the place I was putting the bricks, namely the slab, was very clean and very dry. And I've seen a lot of guys do bricks where they dunk the bricks in water first, maybe so they don't suck up so much of the type S mortar. Something you could look up online. I don't know if that's just something that some guys do. But the thing about masonries, make sure everything is clean, make sure there's no dust on anything. Pretty sure. You just put it together with like type S mortar. And all it has to be is level essentially. And you know, you mix up the mortar, you put it on with a trowel, you just kind of tamp it. What they'll do is they'll just kind of tap down the brick with the butt of the trowel and they'll throw a little torpedo level on it. And they'll just make sure that everything is just sort of plumb and level. And after that it ain't no. Ain't no big thing.

Caller (95:03)

Cool. No, that's great advice. Hey, what about cutting the bricks? Can I cut those with just like a wet saw that I rent?

Adam Carolla (95:10)

You can cut them with a wet saw that you rent. You can also just score them and sort of pop them and they break pretty clean. But if you want to get a real clean cut, yeah, you can just rent a wet saw. Wet saws are coming down in price, but a decent one is still going to be four or five hundred bucks and you can rent one for the day. They're fun saw to use. If you've ever used one, you know, you put some. You put a bucket of water in the trough, you fire up the pump, the water sprays. You get that weird brick dust water spray on your belly that comes off the blade. And it's a cool blade because it's a diamond blade. So it's not a scary blade. And it, and it. And it cuts. I don't know. There's something satisfying about a wet saw. So, yeah, you can rent a wet saw and make your cuts mark your brick with, you know, you can just use a sharpie or china pencil or something like that when you mark your brick. And yeah, it's pretty, pretty straightforward stuff. Cool.

Caller (96:13)

I think that's great advice. It's gonna look good out here.

Adam Carolla (96:16)

Yep. Good times Hearth, man.

Caller (96:19)

Yeah, no, I'll float that idea to the rest of the guys, but I think we might end up going with that one.

Adam Carolla (96:24)

Now, what kind of music? What would you guys cover? You guys cover?

Caller (96:27)

Yeah, right now we kind of COVID you know, pretty much a lot of, you know, some classic rock, but, you know, some modern stuff. Jack Johnson, stuff like that. So we're pretty much open to anything.

Adam Carolla (96:36)

What classic stuff do you do?

Caller (96:39)

Oh, cream. Lots of beetles.

Adam Carolla (96:42)

Stuff in a cold room with no stove and no brick. Hearth.

Caller (96:52)

It's getting cold out here. We're having to go inside and the old lady's kicking us out, so. Yeah, gotta get some heat.

Adam Carolla (96:58)

Yeah. Well, let me tell you something about the classic rockers, man. They played Woodstock and they played, you know, the show must go on is basically what I'm saying. So toss on a parka and start your rock up.

Caller (97:11)

I know it's not stopping us. We got snow outside, but we're still out here.

Adam Carolla (97:14)

Good times there, Craig. I Envy you. And the reason I say that, I don't say that. And by the way, I don't say that in a condescending way. Like there's a lot of guys out there who are good looking guys and that are nailing lots of hot cocktail waitresses. And then they look at the chubby guy with the three kids and the homely wife and they go, I envy you, man. You have, you. You have kids, you have a life, man. You have. You have someone who depends on you. And you go, bullshit, dick. You don't envy me. You're too busy getting laid to envy me. But playing a musical instrument is one of the things I always wish I'd taken the time to learn. I love music and I can't play a lick on anything. And the idea that you get together with your friends and jam sounds awesome to me. And it would be what I would consider the freest fun in the world. And my dad, who loves jazz, who I never really seen, have a good time in his entire life. When I was a kid, once, maybe twice a year, he would go to his friend's Dr. Gold's house, who lived up in the hills. Huh? Jew up in the hills out here, what do you know? And he'd go up there to Dr. Gold's house and he'd bring his trumpet and Dr. Gold would pull out a stand up bass and they'd have a guy named Ronnie on the keys and another guy pull out his horn and they would jam. And I never saw my dad happier. I never saw him look forward to something as much. And I just would look at his face while he was playing his horn, while they were all standing around the piano and it was his turn to improvise. And I just thought, wow, so one time a year I see this guy is happy. And I thought, music, man. Jamming in music. Talk about freedom and talk about free fun. God bless you, Craig.

Caller (98:58)

Thanks, Adam. I appreciate that.

Adam Carolla (98:59)

Good times. Sure. The place will burn down inside of a week. All right, who's next? Kevin. Kevin, you got a question for me? I'll read the question on the screen. Kevin's calling from Missouri. Husband asking advice what to ask for Christmas. I guess wants to know what to get for Christmas. People want to know what kind of tools to get for Christmas. Well, I'll go ahead and answer the question anyway. I don't need. Kevin, hang on a second. Let me just tell you, I've talked about it before. The tool variety Chubb Pack is a nice item. You go down to the home Depot. And you get the little thing that has the cordless drill, maybe the cordless impact gun, maybe the flashlight, maybe the. Maybe the circular saw. Get that for the hubby. He'll be a happy guy. And you'll get shit fixed around your house. See, ladies, you got to think that way. When a guy gets you a present, we get you a tennis bracelet or some earrings. What's that get us? Maybe a handy. But what I'm saying is it doesn't get anything done around the house. You get your husband some tools, he'll be happy you got the tools, and you'll get your house fixed. John from Kentucky. John?

Caller (100:18)

Hello?

Adam Carolla (100:18)

What's happening? John?

Caller (100:20)

Hey, I was. Got a question. I had just taken some wallpaper off a room in my house, and I was wondering what would be the best way to prep it to put on some suede paint?

Adam Carolla (100:31)

Put on. Did you say suede paint? Yeah, that sort of Ralph Lauren stuff that has, like, the texture in it. Yeah. How gay of you. How gay of me to know. I know. I have some in my house. It's kind of cool, isn't it? Yeah, it's a. It's a kind of. It's kind of a paint that has, like, I don't know, little bits of silica sand or something in it. And it looks. It has a texture almost like suede, and it's really cool. I will warn you, though, it doesn't take to touching up very well. Like, you know, like. Like, here's what I'm saying. Like, you know, when you get some flat paint, you're just putting flat paint on your wall. You can, like, roll out the flat paint and then take your brush and cut it in. And then later on when you get pissed at the old lady and punch a hole in the wall and you have to patch it up. You can touch it up with the suede paint, depending on what color you get. When you get pissed off at the old lady because you caught her texting Tiger woods, and you punch a hole in the wall and you patch it up, and you just do the little patch with the suede paint. You'll kind of see where it's. Where the paint is patched in. I don't want to dissuade you. It's good stuff. Try to get the pigment. I don't want to dissuade you from using the suede paint. I'm just warning you that, you know, paint it, paint it once, do a good job, and then keep the kids away from it because they'll Screw it up and it doesn't touch up nicely. Now you want to know how to prep it. You've pulled down the wallpaper and the wallpaper has taken some of the paper from the drywall off with it. Yeah, yeah. Look at me, I'm a genius. I'm clairvoyant. Well, what you're gonna have to do is you're gonna have to get some joint compound and, and or topping, which is a sort of finish or thinner version of the joint compound. And you're gonna have to do a skim coat. Okay.

Caller (102:31)

All right.

Adam Carolla (102:31)

Have you ever handled the joint compound?

Caller (102:34)

No.

Adam Carolla (102:34)

How about your joint? You got a lot of experience? You're journeyman in that department. All right, let me give everyone a couple of tips. Two knives. Two knives. Everyone get a. Here's what you do. You go down to the home center, you get yourself a. I'm going to say, let's say, get yourself. This stuff isn't very deep. It's just paper deep. How deep is the deepest scuffs you have on your wall? Very thin.

Caller (103:07)

Oh, yeah, it looks like just like the paper peel off.

Adam Carolla (103:09)

Just like the paper peeled off the drywall. Okay. Go down to your home center, get yourself a box of drywall topping. Not joint, compound topping. It'll come in a box. It'll probably have a little fish stamped on it. Whoever makes it, the religious. It's kind of like the guys from In N Out Burger. And you'll take that box home and inside of that box will be a bag. It'll be a bag of topping and you'll dip into it with your 6 inch knife or your 4 inch knife and you'll go into your drywall trowel. I shouldn't say trowel, but trough. You have a little trough. You know what I'm talking about?

Caller (103:49)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (103:50)

That thing that's like 14 inches long and like 4 or 5 inches wide. Yeah. Boom, boom, boom. And you fill that thing halfway. Then you get your two knives, you get your six inch drywall knife, that's just your square looking putty knife and get a big one. Get like a 12 inch wide broad knife. Okay.

Caller (104:09)

All right.

Adam Carolla (104:09)

And you use them, you use them together. Are you with me, John? Yeah. Take the six inch knife, put a nice big goop, nice big gob in the middle of the 12 inch knife and you start dragging the 12 inch knife and you start doing a skim coat. As the joint compound spreads out and gets to the edge of that 12 inch knife. It'll make. It will be like It'll leave a wake. Once it gets wider than the 12 inch knife, it'll leave a wake of topping. You don't want that. You want to stop it just before that. Lift it up, take your six inch knife. This is why we have to get some video in here. Scrape it along that broad knife, draw it all back into one big blob and then repeat the process, drag it back on the 12 inch knife and start again. So it's a process of spreading it, gathering it, putting it in the middle and spreading it again. But that's what you do and you just keep doing that. And you can cover the whole thing. And when it dries, you can do a second coat. You can sand in between. You can get a sanding pole with some of that diamond cut paper that has, you know, the sort of universal pivot sander on it and sand it smooth. Or you can even take a sponge. It'll make less mess. Put some warm water in it in a bucket and sponge off some of the ridges and what have you. But either way, it's no big deal. And the stuff's easily sandable, so it's really hard to screw it up. Skim coat joint compound, or I should say topping. A couple of drywall knives and you're in like flint. John, you can handle it, buddy. Prime it and then make sure you prime it well. And when you're done priming it, take a look at it and see if you can see any imperfections. And if you see imperfections, go ahead and skim a little over that part, right over the primer. And if you want, tint the primer, have the primer tinted so it's close to the suede color. It'll make it easier. There you go. You like my tint idea, don't you?

Caller (106:14)

Yeah, I never thought of that.

Adam Carolla (106:15)

Thanks, John.

Caller (106:16)

Can you use too much primer?

Adam Carolla (106:18)

No. I mean, if it starts dripping and it gets too thick, maybe, but no, you can never really. It's like they say, never be too thin or too rich or to use too much primer.

Caller (106:29)

All right, thanks.

Adam Carolla (106:29)

All right, buddy. Steve? Yeah, what's going on? You're calling from Arizona?

Caller (106:35)

Yes, I am.

Adam Carolla (106:36)

Can you hear me?

Caller (106:37)

Good.

Adam Carolla (106:37)

Sure.

Caller (106:39)

It's cool to talk to you. I just wanted to say I tried to call on the other show and I used to have it on in Arizona on the radio. And for some reason it never worked out to be able to call you. But yeah, I live out there in Queen Creek, right there by Schnep Farms, where you did A thing on the. On the stage over there for the radio station.

Adam Carolla (107:01)

Yeah, the Big Farm. Had a big farm. Big, big concert out there and like a big. Like kind of a Woodstock almost kind of a thing. Yeah. Electrical storms started to come in at some point. It was really crazy weather.

Caller (107:14)

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Adam Carolla (107:16)

Good times. What's happening, Steve?

Caller (107:18)

Oh, not much. I just kind of. I thought it was cool to be able to call in. So I just kind of had a simple question about soft water systems. I've never heard your opinion about getting like a soft water resistance reverse osmosis for the whole house and what your opinion on it, because, you know, you get the build up around the pipes and around the faucets and everything and then the toilet. So.

Adam Carolla (107:43)

Yeah, you know, I don't live in a. In a place in a state, in a municipality that has a problem with hard water. So it's not something I've ever really gotten involved with. So I will be short and sweet about this because it's not my field of expertise. I would say this. Find somebody who's done it. Find a neighbor, Find somebody up the street who's put the system in and say, what's life like before and after? And either they'll say, oh, my God, my shampoo came to life. You never saw anything like it. And boy, does my duke go down that toilet buttery smooth. Or before I got the system, I used to have to pull the shower head off once a month and soak it in CLR or whatever. And, you know, they'll tell you a bunch of horror stories and say, and now life couldn't be better. So they'll either tell you that story or they'll say, eh, eh. I mean, I noticed a little difference. Soap lathered up a little better, but I don't think it was worth the three grand. So they'll either tell you, this is awesome. It changed my life. Or they'll say, don't bother. If they tell you it's awesome, it's changed my life, then maybe that's your indication to go ahead and get the system and then say to them, who did you use to put in your reverse osmosis system? How do you like them? What do they charge? And do you have the guy's phone number?

Caller (109:23)

All right, that sounds good. Well, thank you very much.

Adam Carolla (109:26)

That's all I got. Thanks again. You know, this sort of testimonial stuff. Find a neighbor that did it, find someone else that did it, and whatever the product is, find someone who spent the money and Is using it.

Caller (109:41)

It's not gonna be like an inner shell.

Adam Carolla (109:43)

They'll tell you. Hey, Paul.

Caller (109:44)

Hey, Ace. Man, what's going on?

Adam Carolla (109:46)

What's going on, Paul?

Caller (109:48)

Gotta get it on, get it, Gotta.

Adam Carolla (109:51)

Get it on, Gotta get on. I got my dog Molly here. I got the Wheeze and Gabe in the next room.

Caller (109:57)

Oh, we got the whole gang.

Adam Carolla (109:59)

Got the whole gang here. Molly's been on paw. She wants to go somewhere and do something. Smelling the carpet, looking to take a whiz.

Caller (110:07)

Oh, yeah.

Adam Carolla (110:08)

What's going on, Paul?

Caller (110:09)

All right, my question is. My friend and I just got a new place. I was trying to do it up.

Adam Carolla (110:14)

In as well as we can.

Caller (110:15)

We're selling dimmer, choosing the whole deal. But we got those stupid popcorn ceilings.

Adam Carolla (110:19)

Yeah, cottage.

Caller (110:21)

I don't even know what to call.

Adam Carolla (110:22)

They're like stucco.

Caller (110:23)

And I'm wondering what the best way to remove that is.

Adam Carolla (110:25)

Paul, did you buy a place at the tender age of 19?

Caller (110:30)

No, we're renting, but we got the go ahead on doing what we want with it.

Adam Carolla (110:34)

Well, that's. That's mighty white of you.

Caller (110:37)

I know.

Adam Carolla (110:37)

So I'm actually.

Caller (110:39)

Thank you.

Adam Carolla (110:40)

You actually what?

Caller (110:41)

Go on.

Adam Carolla (110:42)

Sorry, what are you?

Caller (110:44)

I'm. I'm South American.

Adam Carolla (110:46)

Really? Yeah. Where are you from?

Caller (110:48)

I'm the whitest South American you're going to get though Paraguay, actually.

Adam Carolla (110:52)

Wow.

Caller (110:53)

But I was adopted, so, you know.

Adam Carolla (110:55)

Yeah. Oh, I see. Interesting. You got the exotic good looks, but the hard working drive of the white man. I like that. Dangerous combination. So, Paul, you guys want to get rid of the pop popcorn or what we used to call the cottage cheese or acoustic ceiling. That they sprayed on all throughout the 60s and the 70s. Okay, there's. There's two answers. One is you can. You can scrape it off. Some of that stuff has as bits and pieces of asbestos in it.

Caller (111:31)

Want to get the asbestos?

Adam Carolla (111:32)

It's probably. There's probably not a whole lot of asbestos in it. And God knows I've scraped some of that shit off myself without a mask. So God knows there's probably, you know, one of those. Those commercials they run about the lawsuits. Like, did you work in the shipping industry in the 60s? I will probably. I'll probably. I'll probably. I'll probably qualify for that in a couple of years. So here's the thing. If you're gonna scrap, okay, technically, here's what you should do. Technically, you should pop off a little sample of it and have it tested. And they should tell you if there's asbestos. What? The asbestos content is. And so on and so forth.

Caller (112:15)

Do I take it to a lab?

Caller (112:16)

How does that work?

Adam Carolla (112:17)

Yes, you would know. You would take it to a veterinarian. Of course. You take it to a lab, you jack off. Yeah, I don't know how the asbestos labs, I'm not exactly sure. They're guys that are experts, experts in this. It's probably going to be a hassle. Go online and see what you can figure out. But technically, if there's no asbestos in it, you can just take yourself a Hudson sprayer. You know what a Hudson sprayer is?

Caller (112:42)

I do.

Adam Carolla (112:42)

You do?

Brittany Snow (112:44)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (112:44)

You're welcome.

Caller (112:46)

I'm an avid listener.

Adam Carolla (112:46)

I know my.

Caller (112:47)

I know my way around.

Adam Carolla (112:48)

Well, for those of you who are listening, who don't, it's one of those sprayers that like, it's a. It's the kind of thing that the pest control guy would use. You pump it up. You pump it up and then you can spray for a long time and then you pump it up again. You would take that, you put some warm water in it, maybe some vinegar in it, maybe some wallpaper remover in it with some hot water, pump it up, soak it and then just take a straight knife and it should, once it gets sort of emulsified, it should just sort of peel off. That's one way to do it. So one way is soak it and peel it, in other words, scrape it. The other way to get rid of it is to just skim coat over it. Just buy yourself a five gallon bucket of joint compound, get some broad knives and literally just skim over it.

Caller (113:42)

Just go at it?

Adam Carolla (113:43)

Yeah, just skim over it and then just sand it and prime it and paint it and treat it just like you were doing drywall. So it's either entomb it by skimming over it with a joint compound or peel the whole thing off, in which case you're still probably going to have to do some prep work. They're both going to be a fair amount of work. I would say it's a coin toss except for the asbestos issue, which means you should probably just skim it. Get that five gallon bucket, get a 12 inch broad knife, get a bunch of like four foot ladders and just start skimming.

Caller (114:21)

Just go sick. All right, thanks. Sounds like a plan.

Adam Carolla (114:24)

Thanks, Paul.

Caller (114:25)

All right, I'll see you in the.

Caller (114:26)

I'll see you in Irvine at the improv.

Adam Carolla (114:28)

Looking forward to it, Paul.

Caller (114:29)

Alright, thanks for the help.

Adam Carolla (114:31)

Good times. Yeah, that'll be on the 16th of December. We'll be out There doing a live podcast. Josh.

Caller (114:37)

Hey, Adam. How you doing, buddy?

Adam Carolla (114:39)

What's going on, Josh?

Caller (114:41)

Not much. Been a big fan of yours. I discovered you a couple years ago from Bill Simmons, and I really appreciate you taking my call.

Adam Carolla (114:48)

He's a good man.

Caller (114:50)

He is. And I really enjoyed your radio show right up until it got canceled. I wish I discovered it earlier.

Adam Carolla (114:54)

Well, now you got the podcast.

Brittany Snow (114:56)

Yeah, yeah.

Caller (114:56)

Which I do enjoy quite a bit.

Adam Carolla (114:58)

Thanks. What's happening, Josh?

Caller (115:00)

Well, I got a. I live in.

Caller (115:01)

An apartment building, and we have a closet that gets a cigarette smoke smell. It's actually, believe it or not, coming from two floors beneath us. Our downstairs neighbors don't smoke. They have the same problem just in that same closet, coming from the floor beneath them. And I haven't been able to figure out we don't have anywhere else in the apartment. Just this one closet. I tried caulking up, you know, all the baseboard and everything. Anywhere I could find cracks or, you know, things that seem to be through with just clear caulks, and that did nothing. And I'm just wondering if you have any ideas for me.

Adam Carolla (115:38)

Febreze? I don't know. I mean.

Brittany Snow (115:42)

I mean, we've done.

Adam Carolla (115:42)

We've done.

Caller (115:43)

You know, you can get the smell out, but the smell just comes back.

Caller (115:45)

That's the thing.

Adam Carolla (115:46)

And now it sucks that it's just going to the closet because you put on the cardigan and hug your mom and she's like, josh, no, Exactly.

Caller (115:53)

We've had to pull everything.

Adam Carolla (115:54)

Yeah. You're smoking.

Caller (115:56)

We had to pull every stitch of clothes we have. And it's our coat closet.

Adam Carolla (115:59)

You smell like Jack Klugman.

Caller (116:01)

It.

Adam Carolla (116:01)

Yeah, yeah, that's. That's bad times. And the problem is smokers are hard asses. So when you go down there and tell them to smoke out. Yeah.

Caller (116:10)

You know, we gave them poison brownies and, you know, they just asked for seconds on those.

Adam Carolla (116:14)

Yeah, they're tough guys. They're resilient. They're Vikings. Exactly.

Caller (116:17)

It's kind of a Rasputin situation.

Adam Carolla (116:19)

Yeah. You can't kill them and throw them in the river. Yeah. So. So, Josh, see, now what my first impulse, when you start talking about your closet, you start talking about smoke. I was thinking about maybe that expanding foam, which is just fun as hell to use, but that's really only to fill anything, you know, that's a half inch and bigger or so. If you've caulked everything, if you've literally caulked every crack and every crevice already, and essentially that Closet's, like, airtight. I don't know what my expanding foam idea is gonna do for you.

Caller (116:59)

All right.

Adam Carolla (117:00)

I'm trying to. Trying to think. Yeah. Now. Yeah.

Caller (117:03)

I mean, it's a hardwood floor that's pretty old.

Caller (117:05)

And, you know, I mean, I did. You know, I didn't want to put too much caulk on the hardwood, even though it's a closet. But I didn't. I didn't know if maybe, you know, it's just seeping. Literally seeping up through the floor and maybe putting some other floor down on it. I mean, it's a closet. I hate to cover hardwood, but I mean, if I didn't know if putting tile over it or just a rug or. I don't know if that's. I don't know how porous hardwood is.

Adam Carolla (117:30)

It's porous. Let's. Let's try to figure. Let's try to figure this out. Give me the basic dimensions of the closet.

Caller (117:38)

Oh, it's four feet by three feet, let's say.

Adam Carolla (117:43)

So it's small, actually, about size of my room I grew up in. In North Hollywood. And you don't. You don't smell the smoke. Doesn't seem to come emanate anywhere else in the house but in that closet.

Caller (117:56)

Absolutely not. It is 100% in the closet.

Adam Carolla (117:59)

Can I float a theory, which is if the smoke did sort of come from somewhere else or was present in other places, I feel like it would be more concentrated in the closet because it's a smaller area. Sort of that syndrome of who shit up the bathroom kind of thing. Like when you open the door and you go, wow, man. Cause it's such a small area, and it's confined, and it doesn't have much ventilation, and the doors close. So is it possible that it is kind of other places, but it seems to be sort of congregating in the closet?

Caller (118:38)

It is possible, but I'm gonna. I mean, we've lived here a little over a year now, and we literally, you know, if we keep the door closed and we keep a towel stuffed in the bottom, we don't smell it anywhere else. Anywhere else in the house. If you open the closet door, we smell it, like, in that room in the adjacent room for the next two hours.

Adam Carolla (118:58)

And I'm guessing the closet has a light in it. Yes. Okay, so.

Caller (119:02)

And also, if it's helpful, it has. That's the phone closet, and it's the whole building. That's where the phone wiring runs up, and that was where I focused my. My caulking yes. When I. When I did that.

Adam Carolla (119:17)

Yeah.

Caller (119:17)

So.

Adam Carolla (119:18)

All right, all right. So what you can do is you can take off the lighting fixture that's on the ceiling, I'm guessing.

Caller (119:29)

Yep.

Adam Carolla (119:30)

And you can take my expanding foam. It's five bucks. It comes in that. Can you shake it up once you use it, by the way, you'll never use it again because it gets all clogged up and gummed up. Okay. Be careful. It goes wild. And it goes wild. It does. It will expand, but it's fun. You've never had something. You never had more fun in your life. And you live in an old building, I'm guessing.

Podcast Narrator (119:51)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (119:52)

And you probably have, like, the old rigid black conduit in there. And you can spray it up into the conduit, and you can spray it up around there, and you can see if it's traveling up the conduit almost like a smokestack and going into the outlets and open areas and going up possibly into some of his lighting fixtures and somehow being connected with yours. Okay, so that's one way to do it.

Caller (120:19)

This is coming from below.

Caller (120:20)

We're the top floor.

Adam Carolla (120:21)

Yeah. I can dig it, but I'm dying to use that expanding foam. So do it on the fixture. Do it into the rigid conduit of the fixture and do it around the fixture. You're gonna have to. What you'll do with the fixtures, you'll unscrew the fixture and let it just dangle by the wiring that's wired by. You'll do that. Now, you've already caulked up all the cracks, so now I'm gonna go back to the floor.

Caller (120:45)

Okay.

Adam Carolla (120:46)

Tiling the floor is all right, but it's still, you know, you could use, you know, the sort of vinyl squares, the Armstrong stuff. It might look cool. And the gaps are very, very close. Intolerant, but still intolerance, I should say. But there's still gaps. What would might be nice is to actually get a piece of rolled linoleum that has no seams in it. Okay, so let me give you. Let me give you something to do. Take a piece of, like, butcher paper.

Caller (121:18)

Yep.

Adam Carolla (121:19)

And cut it out or cardboard or something. And cut it out to the basic. Basically the footprint of the closet.

Caller (121:27)

I know what you're saying. We actually have a piece like that. That's our kitchen floor. And it works out nice. I know exactly what you're talking about.

Adam Carolla (121:32)

Perfect. And then put it in the closet. And then take other. Take another piece of cardboard and tape it on top of that and push it tight all the way around the closet because it won't be a perfect square. And get it tight, get it perfect, get it so it's seamless. Get it so it's just how you want it as far as the template goes. Then take that thing down to the flooring place and go cut me out a piece of linoleum that's exactly this size. And they'll cut that piece of linoleum out that's exactly that size. And tell them to give you one of those throwaway little notch trowels and a little bucket of adhesive and you go put that thing down and make it tight. And if you want, you could even caulk in around the board. Or don't bother pulling up the baseboard. That's too big a hassle. It's going to make a mess. That will make a, that, that will make it a membrane on the floor. Do that. Do the expanding foam on top. And after that get your cleaning deposit move. Because do the light switch too. If the light switch is inside the closet.

Caller (122:35)

So late for that. Unfortunately we bought the place. Although we like everything.

Adam Carolla (122:38)

Okay. It's always weird because in New York they call an apartment in an la apartment by definition means you're renting and I guess an apartment is a condo.

Caller (122:48)

Yeah.

Caller (122:49)

In New York it's that we're actually in one of those even crazy New York things called co ops.

Adam Carolla (122:52)

Right.

Caller (122:53)

Which if you never find out about you, you're a luckier man.

Adam Carolla (122:56)

I would go insane. But I thought part of the deal with the co op is you guys could all light torches and show up at the, at the guy at the smoker's house and tell him to put out the bots.

Caller (123:08)

That is in fact one of the deals and we've done that and like I said, it's a Rasputin situation which this, this, it just, you know, it's ultimately the guy has a legal right to smoke in his apartment and does.

Adam Carolla (123:19)

The guy doesn't have a balcony I'm imagining?

Caller (123:22)

No, no.

Adam Carolla (123:23)

Yeah. Does he have windows that open?

Caller (123:25)

Yeah.

Caller (123:26)

And he says he doesn't smoke by the closet.

Caller (123:27)

I don't know what the hell.

Caller (123:28)

I don't know if that's where he butts out his cigarettes. You know, I haven't, I haven't. You know, I guess, you know the next step if this, the flooring doesn't work is just break in there and.

Adam Carolla (123:35)

Well either way, yeah, you gotta watch out. Cause now there's such a thing as third hand smoke. You Thought firsthand smoke or secondhand smoke was a first rate killer. Now there's third hand smoke also, though hopefully the guy will be claimed by emphysema shortly.

Caller (123:53)

I could live with that.

Adam Carolla (123:54)

All right, thanks, Josh.

Caller (123:55)

Thank you very much.

Adam Carolla (123:56)

Adam.

Caller (123:56)

Big fan.

Adam Carolla (123:57)

Hey, call back and let us know what happened when we do our next on the house. Yeah, call back and tell us how it works.

Caller (124:03)

I'll do.

Caller (124:04)

I really like that flooring rubber square idea, so I will do that.

Adam Carolla (124:07)

Thanks, buddy.

Caller (124:08)

All right, guys.

Adam Carolla (124:09)

The key is in the template. All right.

Caller (124:12)

Thank you.

Adam Carolla (124:12)

Sure. David.

Caller (124:14)

What's up? Adam?

Adam Carolla (124:15)

What's happening?

Caller (124:17)

Hey, I just wanted to. I'm a horticulture student.

Adam Carolla (124:20)

Yeah.

Caller (124:23)

My path going towards landscape construction. I'm working towards getting my CL27.

Adam Carolla (124:28)

Yeah, you are.

Caller (124:29)

In the next couple years. And I've never really heard you, you know, give your opinion on, you know, landscape design or when you're designing a house. How much of an emphasis.

Adam Carolla (124:36)

Yeah.

Caller (124:37)

Or how important that is for you. So.

Adam Carolla (124:39)

Okay, well, let me, let me weigh in.

Caller (124:41)

Sure.

Adam Carolla (124:44)

It was something I never really thought about in the past. I would just work on the house, the inside of the house, the design, the exterior, the color and all that kind of stuff. And I never really gave much thought to the outside of the house vis a vis the landscaping in recent years. I have and I'll tell you why. Couple of things. There is no such thing as a sprinkler head that stays in adjustment for more than five minutes. You can adjust the shit out of those sprinkler heads all you want. You walk away and it's spraying the house, it's spraying the cat, it's spraying the neighbor, it's spraying the driveway, it's spraying the wooden fence, it's rotting out the wooden fence. It's spraying the side of the house and rotting out the siding. There's probably more harm done from sprinkler heads every year than they're actually good comes from it. The other thing that drives me insane about sprinklers in general is when you have a lawn and you have two sprinklers that send out like just like two circular paths of water if they don't overlap. And there's like an 8 inch little corridor in between where one stops and the other one stops. The lawn will be brown in between. Just those two little. Just showing up short of those two. It's a huge waste of resources and money. I think what you should do and LA should do this. I know you're calling from Diamond Bar, so close enough. Indigenous Planting everyone. Once you do the indigenous planting, you literally just walk away. I started doing it more recently in my more recent projects, which is we live in la, we live in a drought area. Start planting cactus. Cactus look amazing. Plant succulents. Plaque. Plant cactus. Put down some gravel. It looks great and you literally don't have to touch it. Or if you do have something that requires a little bit of water, you just have a drip line. But no more spraying your car just after you got it washed. And no more spraying your back door and rotting it out because one of those sprinklers came out of adjustment once again. And no more busted sprinkler heads while you're on vacation with the huge, you know, Vegas style fountain going off in your backyard 24, 7. Really? I can't believe that it's, you know, we're coming up on 2010 and no one has made effective sprinkler head. Thirdly or fourthly or tenthly, I would, if I wanted some lawn, I would go with the simulated stuff. Now it's no longer the Brady Bunch backyard. It's no longer what was in the Astrodome in 1969. The stuff they make. Now the simulated stuff looks great. I would roll that stuff out, I would get drip lines where I absolutely. Where the old lady absolutely needed some roses. And everything else would be completely indigenous and lots of cool looking cover like gravel colored glass, colored rocks, things like that. And what you don't get as well is when you're not watering, you got to realize the hardiest plants on the planet are what weeds. So when you're watering and you got the sprinklers going, whatever it is you're watering is growing inch a year and the weeds are growing four feet a year. So now you got weeds everywhere. So what I do now is I put down the barrier so the weeds can't pop through. Then I put the gravel on top of that, then I put the cactus inside of that. And I don't water. So thus there's never any weeds to pull because there's no water source to pull them out of. And also out here in SoCal, I bought cactus cacti at Home Depot in like one gallon buckets that are now 14ft tall. Donnie, stop me if I'm lying. I mean, literally, stuff that started off at 18 inches, that's 14ft tall now. I mean, stuff goes sick. It looks like modern sculpture. It's beautiful looking. You can buy stuff that's already 5, 8ft tall if you want to. You know how they Move cactus, they move it with hose. They make a sling out of garden hose. How else would you move a cactus if you think about it? But yeah, it's a big part of my plan now with something I never thought about before. And like I said, you'd be a fool to put in a sprinkler system unless you're running a golf course. David, what do you think of that?

Caller (129:17)

Yeah, I definitely see what you're saying. I'm pretty involved in the industry. I work for a water auditing company that's, you know, a lot of it has to do with the landscaping and yeah, there's definitely every industry, the nursery industries out here. It's all going towards drought tolerant plants.

Adam Carolla (129:36)

It should. And not only, as I've screamed many times, LA is semi retarded because not only do you go down the street or go down the freeway and your windshield gets hit by sprinkler from the municipal sprinklers, but they're also going off while it's raining outside. Retards.

Caller (129:55)

I will say though that there are a lot of great things that are going on with more efficient irrigation systems or the weather based, like I've installed a lot of weather based sprinkler controllers which now turn off, you know, when it's humid or it adjusts automatically.

Adam Carolla (130:12)

I, I can dig it. But here's what I'm saying. These things have been around for 10 years plus. And the fact that, you know, you're driving along your car listening to a PSA telling you that LA is in a drought and that we're below seasonal average for rain and blah, blah, blah, meanwhile your windshield's getting hit by one of the sprinklers on the side of the freeway while it's raining outside is quite discouraging to say the least. And I wish LA would do what Phoenix does and what Vegas does, which is they throw down some cactus and some gravel. You know, you drive into McCarran or you drive into Phoenix, or I should say fly into Phoenix or you fly into Vegas and when you're driving into the city, you just pass a bunch of cactus and a bunch of gravel. That's what we should be doing. We're starting to get on it now. But just like electric cars and hybrid cars and the gas crunch and all that kind of crap, we had water shortages out here in the early 70s, about the same time we had the gas shortage, we had a water shortage. So this stuff should be 35 years old. And we're just hopping on it now, which just Shows you how inefficient and our city planners are. Thank you.

Caller (131:26)

David, can I just weigh in on the grass thing really quick? Yeah, I wanted to give you, give you some opinions on that. Yeah, the artificial grass, the synthetic turf, it's a great thing for, for sports complexes. It's a great thing for medians, places where, yeah. You know, there's not a lot of traffic on, on your house. I wouldn't recommend it because of the fill they use. They use like a crumb rubber fill to make it, you know, kind of soft.

Brittany Snow (131:50)

Right.

Caller (131:51)

That stuff heats up really bad. So when you're having like people over your house or wherever, the heat that radiates off that is in the high hundreds on, especially in Southern California, you.

Adam Carolla (132:03)

Know, I'm just, I'm really, for me, it's just a visual thing because I don't actually go down there. And also Molly needs a nice place to take a dump.

Caller (132:11)

Yeah, I mean, it has its place. I mean, if you're going to have a lot of traffic on it, I wouldn't recommend it. If it's going to be really close to your house, I wouldn't recommend it.

Adam Carolla (132:19)

For me, it's just aesthetics. But all, you know, to me, not having to mow it, not having to constantly weed it, not. I mean, the lawn, you know, the grass lawn in Southern California just has to be a man. That is a bad combination. But I can dig it. And hopefully there'll be future generations of that stuff. That's even better.

Caller (132:39)

Sweet. Well, thanks a lot, man.

Adam Carolla (132:40)

Thanks, David. Keep up the good fight.

Caller (132:42)

Hopefully see you guys next Wednesday.

Adam Carolla (132:43)

Oh, that's right. Be down in Irvine. See you then.

Caller (132:46)

All right.

Adam Carolla (132:46)

All right. Good times.

Caller (132:47)

Later.

Adam Carolla (132:48)

Later. Mary. Yes. Yeah. Mary.

Mary (132:52)

Adam, this is so exciting. How are you?

Adam Carolla (132:55)

The thrill is all mine, Mary. What's up?

Mary (132:59)

Okay. Well, first of all, longtime fan, so excited to talk to you. I think I actually saw you at a roller rink about 2001 somewhere in LA.

Adam Carolla (133:08)

That was me. Must have been Boogie Nights. I was out there.

Mary (133:13)

Okay, well, my home improvement question. I live in San Francisco and I'm in a three story condo. We're on the top unit.

Adam Carolla (133:21)

Good for you.

Mary (133:22)

And we've got a great view. So we have a roof deck and we recently expanded it. It was redwood, it was small. So we tore it up and built a new one with Trex.

Adam Carolla (133:35)

Trex is a type of decking.

Mary (133:37)

Windy up on the roof.

Adam Carolla (133:38)

Let me just get everyone. Everyone on the same page. Trex is the name of one of those composite decking materials yeah, go ahead. I just want to. I want to get all the chicks and the gays caught up. Go ahead, Mary.

Mary (133:54)

Hey, I know what it is.

Adam Carolla (133:55)

Well, sure. You're from San Francisco. You're practically a lesbian honorary lesbo. So you're up there on the roof. San Francisco. Yeah.

Mary (134:07)

So, okay, so kind of like that movie the Rock, just on the west side where the, you know, the ocean breeze is coming from, that we would put some plexiglass all along the west side so you could still see the view but not be just, you know, freezing all the time.

Adam Carolla (134:25)

Right, sure.

Mary (134:26)

So we did that, but then just as soon as we did it, all of a sudden we noticed ash from the fireplace was like blowing into the living room because we had blocked the airflow around the chimney vent.

Adam Carolla (134:40)

Couldn't get that vacuum going. Yeah. That updraft. Yeah.

Mary (134:45)

So we took it down and it's just a bummer because, you know, we have one piece up that's still okay because it's not right in front of the chimney. But I don't know, I'm trying to figure out another way that we can still have the wind blocked and not have ash blowing through our fireplace.

Adam Carolla (135:03)

Mm. Well, you know, the only thing I can think of is you're not going to have the fire going while you're on the roof simultaneously.

Mary (135:13)

Right, right, right. But that doesn't even matter. Even if the fire's not going. I mean, any ash that's left in the.

Adam Carolla (135:21)

Will literally be pushed back. Will literally be pushed back in there.

Mary (135:25)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (135:26)

Okay, how about your flue system as a way to shut that off?

Mary (135:33)

I guess we could just close. See, it's a wood burning fireplace.

Adam Carolla (135:37)

Sure.

Mary (135:38)

So I guess. But.

Adam Carolla (135:44)

Happens your neighbor. Oh. Below you because you share the same flu.

Mary (135:47)

There's two flus.

Adam Carolla (135:49)

Yeah. Yours connects to theirs.

Mary (135:52)

I guess so somehow. Or theirs.

Adam Carolla (135:55)

Okay, let me. Let me explain something. What it is most likely, and I'm not an expert in this field, but there's a chase and it goes up and it probably connects all the fireplaces so that there's just one chimney coming out of the top of the condo. Is that correct?

Mary (136:12)

No, there's actually two.

Adam Carolla (136:13)

There's two. Two chimneys, but there's three units.

Mary (136:17)

Yeah. The ground floor doesn't have a chimney. Or they don't have.

Adam Carolla (136:20)

They don't have a fireplace. Okay, so they have their own dedicated chimney.

Mary (136:24)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (136:25)

I'm not worried about the ash problem. I'm thinking about Santa at this point.

Mary (136:30)

Well, it is. Christmas is almost here.

Adam Carolla (136:32)

I don't want him to drop off the wrong gift into the wrong condo yet.

Mary (136:35)

Unit.

Adam Carolla (136:36)

So they have their own unit, they have their own flu, they have their own chase, their own chimney. So I don't understand if they have their own chimney, why your crap is affecting their crap. Unless one of the chimneys is for the fireplace and the other one is just for, like the hood and the gas stove and that kind of stuff. Are you sure one's not just sort of a vent for the gas? Maybe.

Mary (137:02)

So maybe we are sharing the same one then. Yeah.

Adam Carolla (137:04)

Are your fireplaces stacked up? If you went below you into their unit, let's say unannounced, while they were making love in front of the fireplace?

Caller (137:16)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (137:16)

Said you just want to take a couple of pictures. If you went into their unit, walked into their unit, and basically sized up your unit above them, would your fireplaces be stacked? Would they be candid? Okay, well, if they are, then you guys are sharing the same chimney.

Mary (137:34)

Oh, interesting. Okay, well, so we both get ash blown into our units.

Adam Carolla (137:39)

Right. I understand. How are they. Are they. Are they. Are they friendly gays or are they hostile gays?

Mary (137:46)

You're right about the gay part.

Adam Carolla (137:47)

Shocking. Hold on.

Caller (137:48)

The room.

Adam Carolla (137:49)

Hold on. Let me sit down.

Mary (137:50)

Friendly, yet over overly engineering, real engineering mind. It can be difficult.

Adam Carolla (137:56)

Yeah. And let me tell you about the gays. Friendly first, but they can turn.

Mary (138:00)

Yeah. Yeah, I'm afraid of that.

Adam Carolla (138:02)

Yeah. Now, how new or old is the building?

Mary (138:05)

It's new. It was built in 94.

Adam Carolla (138:08)

Okay. So you should have a way to shut your flu off, and you should be shutting the. The flue off when you're not using the fireplace anyway.

Mary (138:20)

Right.

Adam Carolla (138:21)

And that should thus stop a fair amount of the draft from kicking down into your fireplace. Now. But. But now that leaves the angry gaze beneath you.

Mary (138:32)

Totally. And then when we want to have a fire, we'd have to take the plexiglass down, I imagine.

Adam Carolla (138:38)

Because. Because you just can't. You can't establish that. I see. I don't think so. Because when you create the heat in your fireplace, that creates an updraft, and that updraft should be enough to counteract whatever buffeting is going on via the plexiglass.

Mary (138:57)

Oh, okay.

Adam Carolla (138:58)

Why don't you two just break down and buy some goggles, Save yourself some money. It'll be like you're skiing now. So I don't know if you've tried it, but I do know when you start that fire, you create a lot of updraft and, and, and not having the, the plexi Shouldn't. Shouldn't thwart that updraft. So that should work. Okay. And the shutting of the flu may work. Now we're left with them shutting their flu.

Mary (139:26)

Right, right.

Adam Carolla (139:28)

And what I would say to them is, if you can have a nice conversation with them where you say, hey, we don't want to cause you any inconvenience, can you shut your flu when you're not operating your fireplace? It's actually a good thing to do because you don't lose heat from literally going out the chimney. Yeah, and it's what. It's the reason they have. Have it there in the first place. If you could convince them to do that and just merely open it when they're using it, then you might be able to get your plexi back in place.

Mary (140:04)

And then I guess we just have to let them use the roof deck.

Adam Carolla (140:07)

Yeah, that'd be another thing too. Although those guys would be getting it on. On that thing in no time. And the other thing you might want to do is, you know, make that plexi kind of modular so you can pop it off and pop it in and pull it down and set it down and make it easy to go in and out. Pardon the pun.

Mary (140:25)

Oh, be great. It'd be great if there. If there was some kind of a rolling rack, I could just slide it in and out.

Adam Carolla (140:30)

Well, I mean, look, you can put. You can put some aluminum track there and, you know, have it in such a way where it just slides into its slot and literally slides out and pops out.

Mary (140:41)

Aluminum track like. Like a claw. Like my closet.

Adam Carolla (140:44)

Like a U channel. You can buy it. You can get it. Get, get. You know, if the plexi is a quarter inch thick.

Mary (140:51)

Yeah.

Adam Carolla (140:51)

Get three, eight wide U track. That's like an inch deep. Buy it, cut it, screw it into place, slide the plexi in. It'll be fine. And just pop it off and slide it down when you're. When you're not using it.

Mary (141:03)

Oh, that would be perfect. I was trying to come up with some kind of a sliding thing.

Adam Carolla (141:07)

Aluminum U channel, baby.

Mary (141:09)

U channel. I'm writing it down.

Adam Carolla (141:10)

Go online. It's easy to find.

Mary (141:13)

Oh, this is fantastic.

Adam Carolla (141:15)

It's easy to cut, it's easy to drill. You put holes in it, you screw it down. Use galvanized screws. No problem.

Mary (141:22)

Wow. Do you think it makes any difference? Like, should we hook up our gas for the fireplace or is wood burning fine?

Adam Carolla (141:28)

I like, I. Listen to me. I would hook the gas up because they have a lot of really Cool logs now that are like ceramic and even a little ceramic pine cones. And they have, they have this little pixie dust that gets all umbery and looks or ambery and looks all cool. And they really go to a fireplace, a high end fireplace store. Now you can get stuff that looks perfect and you never have to shovel the ash or deal with it ever again. Yeah, barbecue stores have them too. Thanks, Mary.

Mary (142:00)

Well, thank you so much.

Adam Scott (142:01)

Keep up the good work.

Adam Carolla (142:02)

Thanks, sister. Bye. Good luck with the case. Brad. Yeah, what's happening, Brad?

Caller (142:08)

Thanks for taking the call.

Adam Carolla (142:09)

What's your question?

Caller (142:11)

Question is, I live in a 1920s era house outside of Boston.

Adam Carolla (142:16)

Wow. A new house in Boston.

Caller (142:18)

My interior walls are all plaster. In the wintertime, you know, it gets real cold. The walls are real cold. Major pain to deal with. I'm wondering if I undertook the, you know, the effort of replacing it, pulling it down, putting up drywall and some insulation, would I get that investment back when I go to sell the house?

Adam Carolla (142:41)

Yeah, it pays for itself in like 200 years. I mean, it's hard to tell. Tearing down the drywall, I should say. The plaster and the lath is a mess. It is a world class mess. Now, a couple of chimps, flathead shovel, couple of claw hammers and a couple of those plastic trash cans could do the job. I mean, there's anybody could do it. And by the way, if you were going to do it, I know there's a lot of you guys that are like, hey man, I want to save money and do it myself. But Brad, ballpark, how much do you make a year?

Caller (143:25)

About 140.

Adam Carolla (143:25)

About 140. So, you know, you're good for what, 80 bucks an hour, 90 bucks an hour? I don't know what it, what it works out to be. If you ever worked that out, I.

Caller (143:36)

Think it's closer to 100.

Adam Carolla (143:38)

All right, you're good. You're good for a hundred bucks an hour. No problem. Fine. Why should the hundred dollar an hour guy be doing a job that someone for $8 an hour will gladly do? You know what I'm saying? So, a number one, if I was doing this job, I would grab myself a couple of day laborers and set those guys up. You know, get them a six pack of Coke, get them a couple of masks to breathe through, get a couple of trash cans and a couple of claw hammers and let them go at it number one once. Now I'll explain to you how to do it and then we can talk about the financial feasibility here. Once you Tear down all of that lath and all that plaster. It is a mess. It is a big mess. I don't know what size the house or the room is. You plan on doing the whole house or just the exterior walls or.

Caller (144:32)

Well, we definitely wanted to do one room which was maybe 10 by 12 and then if that went well, then we've seen others.

Adam Carolla (144:42)

Okay. So it's, it's a world class mess. You're gonna have to rent like a rollaway dumpster. Maybe one of the smaller ones are just a couple yards, you know, but it's, it's a dust, it's a dusty mess too. So it's like you're gonna have to seal off the room with some plastic, get a fan in there, put it in the window for ventilation, whatever. But you will, you won't make yourself a mess. Then you will have to pull off tons of little brad nails that are stuck into the old two by fours or you'll have to smash them down. They won't all pop out when you pop out the lath. So there's a lot of little kind of nickel and dime stuff. Then you will also have a little depth problem because the lath in the plaster is going to be, you know, closer to an inch, maybe seven, eight of an inch thick. Whereas the new stuff you're going to put on is going to be half inch or five, eight thick. So around the windows, around where the molding, where the, where the case is and you know, baseboard, things like that, there should be a little depth issues. Can you, you picking up what I'm putting down?

Caller (145:55)

Absolutely, yeah.

Adam Carolla (145:57)

So around the door jamb that goes into the room, all of a sudden that door jamb is going to be hanging into the room 3, 8 of an inch more than you'd wanted. So you're going to have to kind of listen. This isn't, these aren't problems that can't be solved. I just want you to be aware of them before you go into this.

Caller (146:17)

Yeah, sure.

Adam Carolla (146:20)

Then you'll strip everything away, you'll vacuum everything out, you'll get a shop vac, you'll clean out all the bays. You do all that stuff. Stuff, you get some expanding foam, you'll spray it in maybe around, you know, a light fixture that was a porch fixture or something that went outside or an outlet that went outside. You know, you want to do all that. Then if you really want to go hog wild, you do the expanding foam where they spray it into the bay and they saw it off and it fills it up tight. Other than that, you're going to be just rolling in some like, you know, R16, depending on how thick the walls are. I don't know what the stud thickness is.2 by 4,2 by 6.

Caller (146:56)

I have no idea, to be honest with you.

Adam Carolla (146:58)

And also, you got to keep in mind, if it's just a 2x4 stud wall, you're going to get R13 in there, maybe pack some R16 in there, but you're not going to get a whole lot of R value out of that thickness. You know what I mean? You're not going to get a big thick roll or batts of fiberglass insulation to put in there just because the thickness of the wall is too thin. And then you'll have the Latin guys come back, hang the sheet, hang the sheetrock, paint it, blah, blah, blah. As far as getting the money back when you're selling the house, I. If you're planning on flipping it, I would tell you, patch up the cracks and the stuck in the drywall and paint it and put it on the market. Yeah, if you're going to be in the house for the foreseeable future and it's freezing cold in there, I would go ahead and rip it off and insulate it and drywall it. So are you going to be in the house for the foreseeable future?

Caller (147:58)

Probably the next four or five years.

Adam Carolla (148:01)

Because the bottom line, the bottom line about the, you know, all the work that you're talking about and, and, and the drywall and the insulation, all that kind of crap is bottom line is some couple's going to come walking in there, they're going to look at the room, the chicks either going to like it or she's not, and that'll be it. She's not going to want to know about our value and the fact that you have a new, new Sheetrock hung. Yeah, I don't think you're going to get your money back. You'd be better off just putting a gallon of paint on the thing than you would doing all this work. On the other hand, this is pure and simple grunt work. I mean, you can do this whole thing for 400 bucks in materials. Drywall is cheap, joint compound is cheap, and labor's cheap these days. So it's really. There's really not much in materials. Just it's a mess. That's the only thing I would tell you is this job is going to be a mess. And once you open the walls, you're going to find some stuff that you might not like and that you might want to fix, which is going to run you a little more time, a little more money as well.

Caller (149:07)

Yeah, probably a bunch of things that I'd rather not know are back there.

Adam Carolla (149:10)

I'm sure there are a couple of. Couple of bodies stashed back there that you're not going to want to know about, and you'll see some rat droppings and your wife will get freaked out. So I would say caulk it, paint it, and buy yourself a space heater.

Caller (149:25)

Yeah, makes sense. All right, cool.

Adam Carolla (149:27)

Thanks.

Caller (149:27)

Real quick, I wanted to tell you my wife and I really enjoyed the Hammer. That was a great, great flick.

Adam Carolla (149:32)

Thank you so much, Brad. That means a ton to me.

Caller (149:34)

Great.

Adam Carolla (149:35)

Take care, buddy. All right, well, that's all we have time for. On the house, first edition. So far, so good. I had a good time. We'll keep you posted. We'll give you a Twitter, we'll give you the phone number and we'll answer your home improvement questions and we'll bring in guests from time to time. So until next time, this is Adam Carolla for intern Gabe and my good buddy, the Wheeze San. Mahalo.

Podcast Narrator (150:04)

All right, that was Adam Kroll show. 215. That does it for Ace Pro Classics. Make sure to tune next weekend for three all new installments. Until then, mahalo.

Adam Carolla (150:12)

And get it on.

Brittany Snow (150:24)

Sa.