A.J. McLean + Alison and Bryan (Carolla Classics)

Summary

Episode Summary: The Adam Carolla Show – A.J. McLean + Alison and Bryan (Carolla Classics)
Release Date: August 2, 2025
Duration: Approximately 3 hours and 45 minutes

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1. Attempting to Engage Tom Cruise for a Documentary

Timestamp: [02:10 – 07:50]

Adam Carolla and co-hosts Alison Rosen and Brian Bishop recount a challenging experience from a past road trip aimed at involving Tom Cruise in a documentary project. The team reached out to Tom Cruise through his publicist but faced unresponsive and hostile replies. An unfortunate turn of events included a deceptive article published in an automotive blog, which Alison humorously refers to as a "shitty story" that damaged their reputation.

Notable Quote:
Brian Bishop laments, “It was just kind of like a super attitude filled blog post basically.”

2. Hotel Room Mix-Up and Late-Night Confusion

Timestamp: [07:55 – 21:25]

The hosts delve into a memorable incident involving a series of hotel room mix-ups during a show in Chicago. Adam describes the chaos of arriving late to a signing event, rushing to prepare, and inadvertently swapping rooms with his associate Mike August. The confusion escalated late into the night, leaving Adam stranded without his luggage and navigating locked doors with help from his co-hosts.

Notable Quote:
Adam expresses frustration, “It's gonna be, here's the good part. It’s the exact same room I just left. I said, all right. Now I'm in. Now it's 1:45. I'm the exact same room, but I don't have any luggage.”

3. Navigating Relationships and Communication

Timestamp: [35:10 – 44:46]

Alison Rosen shares insights into maintaining healthy relationships, drawing from personal experiences. The discussion highlights the importance of communication, setting boundaries, and understanding each other's preferences. They touch upon humorous anecdotes about meal preparations and the challenges of coordinating household tasks.

Notable Quote:
Adam advises, “Sexually? Stop taking what the other person is or isn't into so fucking personally.”

4. Reflections on High School Education and Life Skills

Timestamp: [44:37 – 51:21]

The conversation shifts to a critique of the current high school curriculum, emphasizing the lack of practical life skills education. Adam argues that schools should prioritize teaching students essential skills like taxes, CPR, and financial management over traditional academic subjects that may not be directly applicable in real life.

Notable Quote:
Adam states, “We don’t have to prepare you for going out to the United States. They prepare you for going off to college.”

5. Discussing the Death of Philip Seymour Hoffman

Timestamp: [72:51 – 92:06]

The hosts express their sadness over the death of acclaimed actor Philip Seymour Hoffman. They discuss the circumstances surrounding his passing, the impact of his work, and the prevalence of drug issues in Hollywood. The conversation includes reflections on Hoffman's career and personal struggles, with a blend of humor and empathy.

Notable Quote:
Adam remarks, “He's been one of those guys you think is gonna. You think he's dead.”

6. Managing Personal Relationships and Family Dynamics

Timestamp: [93:04 – 142:35]

Adam and Alison discuss the complexities of personal relationships, particularly focusing on the influence of managers and Hollywood figures like Lou Perlman on their careers. They share candid stories about the challenges of fame, contractual obligations, and maintaining genuine connections amidst industry pressures.

Notable Quote:
Alison shares, “We never saw this guy. I mean, he was what we nicknamed him Big Papa.”

7. Handling Takeout Orders and Household Expectations

Timestamp: [157:06 – 172:01]

The hosts humorously debate the frustrations of managing takeout orders at home. Adam recounts multiple mishaps involving missing condiments and improperly stored food, highlighting the minor yet recurring conflicts that arise in domestic settings.

Notable Quote:
Adam quips, “No one wants fucking tomato on pizza.”

8. Listener Call-In: Career Change Dilemma

Timestamp: [151:00 – 172:01]

A listener named AJ McLean calls in seeking advice about whether to pursue a computer programming career despite being a third-year journalism major facing potential debt. The hosts offer practical insights, emphasizing the value of skills over formal education and encouraging AJ to follow his passion based on his work quality rather than his degree.

Notable Quote:
Adam advises, “It's about your work. Most work I found this is comedy writing.”

9. Sponsored Segments and Promotions

Timestamp: Throughout the Episode

Multiple sponsorships are interspersed throughout the episode, promoting products such as Breeze Drinking, Greenlight debit cards, LifeLock ID protection, Squarespace websites, TaxAct tax preparation services, and ProFlowers for Valentine's Day.

Notable Quote:
LifeLock Promotion: “LifeLock ultimate, the most comprehensive ID theft protection ever created. Guards your identity and credit.”

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Conclusion

This episode of Carolla Classics offers a blend of humorous anecdotes, candid discussions on personal and professional challenges, reflections on education and societal issues, and heartfelt moments addressing the loss of a beloved actor. Through engaging banter and relatable stories, Adam Carolla and his co-hosts provide listeners with entertainment, insight, and a sense of camaraderie.

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Disclaimer:
This summary is based on a provided transcript of "The Adam Carolla Show" episode titled "A.J. McLean + Alison and Bryan (Carolla Classics)" released on August 2, 2025. Advertisements and non-content segments have been excluded to focus on the core discussions and insights shared by the hosts.

Transcript

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[Giovanni]

Welcome to Cruel Classics. I'm your host, superfan Giovanni.

[Adam Carolla]

This is the podcast we play the.

[Giovanni]

Best moments and highlights from all 16 years of the Adam Carolla Show.

[Alison Rosen]

We have a companion podcast titled Cruel Classics.

[Giovanni]

It's a podcast one premium exclusive with.

[Alison Rosen]

Ad free archives of every episode that airs each week.

[Giovanni]

So Friday show, the Saturday show and.

[Adam Carolla]

The Sunday show, no ads.

[Giovanni]

All the way back to when myself and Chris were home. If you'd like to get ad free archives for the Adam Carolla show, the.

[Alison Rosen]

Adam Dr. Drew show, as well as.

[Adam Carolla]

Exclusive access to Beat it out, Adam.

[Giovanni]

Corolla's new podcast, make sure to check.

[Alison Rosen]

Out Adam substack adamcarla.substack.com and if you'd.

[Adam Carolla]

Like to request a clip, Please email.

[Giovanni]

Us classicsamcroll.com all right, let's get to the clips.

[Adam Carolla]

But first we have Adam Carolla's show.

[Giovanni]

1255, Allison Rosen and Brian Bishop from 2014.

[Adam Carolla]

Thanks for sharing, man. We count on you sharing. Thanks for clicking through our website when you go to Amazon and make your purchases and tagging that, flagging it and sagging that and all that good stuff. Good day.

[Brian Bishop]

Alison Rosen hello, Adam Carolla.

[Adam Carolla]

I meant bookmarking. Thank you. Good day. Paul Brian hey, your asshole smells a little off, boss.

[Giovanni]

One of the great Allison Rosen squeals at the end of that one. Impressive by arshallhgray on Twitter with the hashtag topdrop.

[Brian Bishop]

Did he request it because of the squeal?

[Giovanni]

We'll never know. But I love it because of the squeal.

[Adam Carolla]

So, so, so, so much to talk about. We were on the road. Oh man. We got pizza and my former assistant Jay to talk about Stone Cold Steve Austin and Arsenio. I had Allison. Now I feel like the table has been set with you and Mike August and the ring of confusion that surrounds him. The many stratas of confusion that surround him. Right. Because you've been in here.

[Brian Bishop]

There's a mantle, there's a crust.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

There's a.

[Adam Carolla]

There's a Newgate center of confusion. But you were with me in the car when we had the discussion. The initial.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. Confusing discussion.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, not the initial, just one of the many. Yes, but you understand how our confusing discussions go.

[Brian Bishop]

Very much so.

[Giovanni]

Which is this.

[Adam Carolla]

This is on the road. We had it on the way to San Diego.

[Brian Bishop]

That was my first experience, firsthand of it.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Initial confusing discussion. Which again was confusing discussion 153 with me and Mike August. But Alison's hyman was popped with this confusing discussion that we had about Tom Cruise and the publicist.

[Brian Bishop]

I felt wiser, but like I'd lost a little something too, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. And no, people are hesitant.

[Giovanni]

I've been in a war.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you'll never be the same. And I can't remember if we got into the details of the confusing discussion. I don't think we did.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't think so.

[Adam Carolla]

On the way to San Diego some weeks ago, the discussion was, we're trying to get Tom Cruise to come in on this documentary. And we put out the call, hey, give us Tom Cruise. And we put it out to the people. And Mike got a shitty email from Tom's publicist that says, what is this business about going around me to putting it out to the people? And somebody wrote a shitty article in one of those many, many automotive blogs. It's hard to tell these days what's legitimate and what's not.

[Giovanni]

It's just shitty article. Is just a shitty article now. No matter if it's a circulation of hundred thousand or ten thousand or ten.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

It was just kind of like a super attitude filled blog post basically.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. And then you do with the publicist, which you always do, which is we reached out to you three times, you didn't respond. So we had, you know, it's this kind of thing where it's like they're saying, why did you go around me? And we're saying we didn't go around you. We went to you three times but you never responded. So eventually we went around you and then we got Yelled at, which is most of this business and most of what publicists do. And if you tell them, well, we went around you because you're not doing your fucking job, then they get super angry, and then you get no chance at whatever. They're sort of like what cops would do.

[Giovanni]

There's a bunch of avenues that all lead to no chance.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Giovanni]

They're gonna get pissed or they're gonna get frustrated.

[Adam Carolla]

They. Now, Allison was in the car for this. They wanted to know, did we plant this story, this shitty story in this automotive blog that made her look bad, made the publicist look bad? And we said, no, we had nothing to do with that story. We told the story on air about trying to get Tom to do this documentary, but we didn't go. We have no contact with this story.

[Brian Bishop]

You don't even know them.

[Adam Carolla]

We don't know who they are.

[Giovanni]

And Tom Cruise, famously short triggered with the publicist. Didn't he fire his last one of them in place with his sister or something?

[Adam Carolla]

I will tell you this. Tom Cruise raced with Newman, Sharp and Paul Newman's race team and did that at a lower level. For two years. We went online to find what would be a cache of pictures of Tom and Newman and race cars. It took place in the late 80s. We had film and cameras and things back then. There's no Google image, anything of him standing next to a car, standing next to a Datsun with Paul Newman or anything. Like, literally, they'd all been wiped from record. Gobbled up like one of his movies. I. Tombot. Yeah, I loved it. Not his, but you know what I'm saying, could be. So the argument that ensued was this. Oh, boy. We got on the phone with our guy Matt DeAndre, who does all this kind of stuff, and said, matt, did you give this story to these people? Because they wrote a shitty article? And now Tom's person is pissed. And the person. And Matt d' Andrew said, no, I did not. And Mike said, good. And we hung up the phone. And then Mike said, I'm gonna call that publicist and tell them we're gonna get this thing removed. And I said, don't do that. And he said, why not? And I said, it'll seem like it was like we put it on there. And he said, why? We're saying we're gonna remove it? No.

[Brian Bishop]

He was like, we're saying we don't know them. So I think. Wasn't that his response?

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right.

[Brian Bishop]

I said, paul, I'm telling you, we don't know them. I'm Telling her, we don't know them.

[Adam Carolla]

I said to Mike, from San Juan Capistrano to the Tijuana border, I said to him, I kept saying, she thinks we planted this story. He said, she doesn't think that. I said, when somebody calls you and says, what do you know about this? Do you know anything about this story? What they're saying is nice for, hey, did you plant this story? So your answer is no, I don't know who these people are. If your next phone call is, I'm gonna call Bob and get it removed, then it does seem like we have a relationship, but I'm gonna tell her.

[Brian Bishop]

We don't have a relationship.

[Adam Carolla]

And his whole thing is like, it's a great gesture to get it removed, don't you think? And I said, no, because it's gonna seem like we were lying the first time. When we told him we had no connections over there, all our answer should be this. I wish I knew somebody over there. I don't even know how to get hold of them. Not, I'll call them and we'll see if we can get this done.

[Brian Bishop]

Then Adam leans back, he's like, alison, you're catching all this, right? Really didn't know what to do at that point, but I was.

[Adam Carolla]

I needed a witness because we did 13 laps around park retard with the exact same one, which is the publicist called. She didn't call and say. I said, she didn't say. She asked if we knew about this. I said, asking means did you do it? And we said, no. Now if we say we can have it removed. It does seem like, here's what it seems like we did it. The publicist called and yelled at us. And then we called our friend Bob and went, hey, you gotta pull that shit down.

[Brian Bishop]

He's like, yes, but that's why I'm telling her that we don't have a relationship with them.

[Giovanni]

It's as though you had amount of money missing, let's say $1,800, and you confronted somebody about it. And they were like, I had nothing to do with that, but I'll look for it. It's like, this is very suspicious.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Just tell them whether they're six years.

[Giovanni]

Old or a fully grown adult, that's extremely suspicious.

[Adam Carolla]

So kept going around and around and around and around. And poor Allison was there for 40 minutes in the car while we argued, and we just kept going around. But she didn't say we did it. She wanted to know. I said, when a publicist calls and wants to know if you know about something, that means they're accusing you in a nice way.

[Brian Bishop]

When a publicist calls.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right, she's in the house. So we did. This message is sponsored by Greenlight. With school out, summer is the perfect time to teach our kids real world money skills they'll use forever.

[Brian Bishop]

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Brian Bishop]

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[Brian Bishop]

Think you said something like two people in the car think that it, you know, think that if you offer to try to take it down, that suggests that you have a relationship. And I think Mike said, I disagree with both of you.

[Adam Carolla]

He took his disagreement off into the sunset. I said, bottom line, you calling and offering to have it removed could open up the door. Suspicion of us planting it, you doing nothing will not hurt. That'll just be, I've never seen the article and we don't know who these people are. And it's consistent with the first thing you said. And it's the truth and it's the truth. One is potential trouble, so don't do anything. And he gave me the I disagree but you're the boss kind of thing. Not satisfying in one way, ultimately satisfying in another way. So we had one on, we had one in Chicago that was epic. Epic. On Saturday night we had Friday night, sorry, oh, Chicago, Chicago, sorry. Friday night, as you know, as you guys all know, we had a three hour delay in Detroit and by the time you and August did, me and August did, we met you there, sorry. August and I had a three hour delay in Detroit. By the time we got to Chicago it was, we had a 5:30 Binny's Mangria signing. We landed about at 5:30, maybe 5:20. Jay picked us up, former assistant Jay picked us up, started going the wrong direction in the teeth of Chicago traffic. By the way from the airport, trying to get to the city. I had to get to the hotel because I had to shave and clean myself up and change my shirt because it was right from Benny's right to the club, two shows, blah blah blah. I'm already pre tired for this. We get to the hotel at 10 minutes to 6. The first show's at 7:30, Benny's is already at 5:30. So 300 people lined up, waiting. I say, mike, I'm gonna run upstairs, you know. He checks us in real quick, hands me, hands me my card first because I gotta get off and running. Run upstairs, throw my shit out, shave, change my shirt, slap on some deodorant and some hair gel and come running back down, back down the lobby about 6:10, make it to Binny's at 6:15, 6:20 power sign. Get through 300 people as fast we can possibly do it.

[Brian Bishop]

I didn't know you wear hair gel.

[Adam Carolla]

I put a little goo in there, otherwise I get the pube head. So then on the way back now it's do the two shows sold out. Great audiences, good shows. Good shows, Better live shows. Good live shows, great drunken fun, audience proposals, everything else.

[Brian Bishop]

I couldn't hold my water.

[Adam Carolla]

Driving home. Oh, that's right. Driving home in the Snowstorm. Now it's 11 10, done the signings after the show, I'm about out of. I got nothing left in the tank. At this particular point because of the day I've had. Mike says to me, did you get a big room? I said, no, it's a small room. He says, oh yeah, okay, let's let. We got the wrong. We got the room swapped up. Happens all the time. We go out on the road, everybody knows me except for the one chick who works behind the counter wherever we're going. And she'll always go, Mr. August or Mr. Caroll, like she doesn't know who's who. And Mike, God bless him, will get me the junior suite oftentimes and get himself just the regular room. But of course, the chick behind the counter always hands me me his key and he grabs. And because I'm always running when we get to these places, I'm literally running upstairs and running back down. I oftentimes get the wrong room and throw all my shit down. So he's. This happened 10 times over the last two years on the road. So he says, did you get the small room? And I said, yeah. And he said, oh yeah, flip flop. I said, okay, good. He said, swap them out. That always makes me think that's a menchie, dude. I mean, most people, including myself, would probably just go, fuck it, I got the big room, I'll keep it. And he said, we'll swap it out. I don't think anything. I just assume I got this room. I got the same room. Everyone else got five hotels. I get the junior suite. So I wouldn't bring it up. But he brings it up. So I go, oh, okay, fine. I pull my key out of my pocket and I hand it to him. There you go. And I believe he hands me his keys. Now it's getting a little murky because I had a few beers and I've been up for a long time. Now we get back to the hotel and I say, all right, well, I got all my stuff in my room. So you got the key. Just go grab all my stuff and we'll throw it in the new room, the big room. And he goes, I don't have the key. Oh, no. And I said, you don't have the key? And he said, no. I said, we were just sitting in an SUV 10 minutes ago, and I handed you the key. Yeah, I left it in the suv. I said, why? I don't need it. I should. Wait a minute. Yes, you need it. You need it. Well, first off, I need it. I got all my fucking toiletry bag and everything else is in the room. I didn't bring all my luggage to the gig. So, yeah. He's like, yeah, I forgot about that. I didn't know about that part. I just spaced out. I'll get the key back. I said, but don't you want the key for you? No, I switched rooms. The light was bad in my room, so I switched. I said, you switched rooms? Yeah. To my room, right? No, I switched to another room. I said, okay, but you're staying in my room, right? No, no, we're switching rooms, right? Yeah, we're switching rooms. So you can be in my room, right? No, I switch rooms. Okay. My luggage is in my room, right? Yeah, that's your room, right? No, I switched rooms. The light switch was bad. I went to a new room. I said, yeah, that's my room. No, your room I don't have the key for. I said, no, that's my old room. But that's your room. I get the key back from Jay. The key's with Jay in the car.

[Giovanni]

Who's on first?

[Adam Carolla]

I was like, it's 1:30 in the morning now. What's your room number? He says, I don't know. It's on the card. I ran up, I swiped it, I ran back out again. I've been in five different hotels the last week. I know, I keep it. What I do is I put it in my left butt pocket every time I leave the little cardboard with the number on it because I've spaced on that four digits many times. And I put the key. Because I know I'm running in and running out and I'm staying In another room the night before. I can't remember. So he goes, where's your room? It's on the card. It's on the thing. Why don't you have the card? I just hand it to you? It's an ounce and a half of fucking plastic. What do I need it for? I said, you need it for your room. It's your room. It's not my room. I switch rooms. I said, okay, my luggage is in that room. Well, what floor is it on? I don't know. 13, 15. What's everyone else on? I don't know what it's on. I just ran up, ran out. Well, let me call Jay. All right. Anyway, I got your room. I said, that's your room, right? No, I got another room. I said, okay, just give me.

[Brian Bishop]

Wait. Can I ask a question?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm already. I'm losing track of rooms, which you guys were too. How did. Did he ever go to the room that had your luggage in it to decide to switch?

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Brian Bishop]

Like, from what room did he switch?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't. I don't know.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Then he gives me the key. Then he lets me in a room, throws down his luggage in that room, and it's. Now, here's the good part. It's the exact same room I just left. I said, all right. Now I'm in. Now it's 1:45. I'm the exact same room, but I don't have any luggage. Said, I'm gonna find Jay. I'm gonna get that key. I'm gonna find that luggage. Okay? I don't know what's going on now. Mike, I thought you had a suite. No, I want to get you a suite. I said, well, you had the big. You had the suite. I had the little room. And we're gonna swap rooms, right? No, I swapped rooms already. The switch was bad. And the light. The bathroom light switch was bad. Okay. I don't even know what's going on. I just. I need my luggage. Is this the room I'm gonna be in? No, we're gonna get you a bigger room. I said, okay. It's more trouble than it's worth at this point. And I still. My head is spinning.

[Giovanni]

He never struggles for an answer. You ever notice that? He's very quick with a response.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? So I said, what?

[Giovanni]

It means no one knows.

[Adam Carolla]

I said, all right. Do what you gotta do. So I just sat down in the room. I'm just sitting there now. I'm dying to fucking get undressed and pour some wine and spread out because it's been the world's longest day. But it's not gonna be my room now. So I'm just sitting in there on the top of the bedspread, staring at Mike's luggage. So I say 10 minutes, 15 minutes goes. But it's getting near 2am Now. I call Mike, and he's in the middle of an argument with the guy behind the counter at the thing. It's August. No, we're all staying on the same floor now. They're all under my name now. I don't know which room. She's trying to figure out what room I'm in to go find. Mike can't retrieve my luggage because he doesn't know my room number. And I don't know my room number because I had it on my card that I was gonna use to get back in the room, but I gave it to Mike, and he decided to leave it in the Denali. And he can't get ahold of Jay. Jay's, like, in the underground parking lot. And I'm going, are you goddamn kidding me? What is going on? So I say, all right, just find my room, find my luggage. Tell me what's going on. I guess we're going to a bigger room. And call me. Nothing. 10, 20 minutes goes by. Then I call Mike. And now, just to add a twist of comical fate, even though we're on the same fucking floor, it's spotty reception. I can barely hear him. And I go, mike, the room, it has Do Not Disturb on it. I remember I put the Do Not Disturb on it before I left.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, you'll definitely be able to find the room in the hotel. In that case, I'm trying to give.

[Adam Carolla]

Him anything I can do. The hotel is filled with pictures of, like, Maury Amsterdam and Buster Crab and stuff like that, but they're all the same ones on the same floor. So I'm like, you go to Agnes Moorhead, and then you go to Liberace, and then it had white, fluffy towels. You go to Maury Amsterdam, you make a laugh, but it's on every floor. So I go, it's do not disturb us out on the knob, if that helps. And the phone's breaking up. All right. Phone cuts off Now I'm just sitting there again, just on top of the bedspread in my jeans. I'm just waiting to drink my wine and get undressed. I don't want to turn the TV on because I'm even gonna try.

[Brian Bishop]

Why bond?

[Adam Carolla]

Just not gonna bond with this room. I'm Just sitting there next to Mike's luggage. And now it's like 2:10 in the morning. I'm just sitting there going, what the fuck happened? I don't know what just happened. I thought we were gonna swap rooms. I was gonna move into a suite and that would be that. I'm just sitting there. Thank God I don't have the TV on or anything. I'm just sitting on the edge of bed, just trying to absorb my day. And I hear faintly down the hall, and I'm like, is somebody knocking on a door? It's 2:10. Is somebody knocking on a door down the hall? And I go, all right. And I walk up and I look through the peephole and I see nothing. Now I'm thinking, do I open the door and look out? Because I've had that thing many times where I open the door, hey, man, show, you know, drunken guy, booty call as I open the door, Hi, guy, let's party, you know, open the door. There's Mike two doors away, knocking on a door. I said, mike, what are you doing? Get in here. By the way, for the fucking person to put do not disturb on their door. It's 2am you're knocking on their door. You told me your room was the one with the do not disturb.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, they're awake now.

[Adam Carolla]

I said, yep. No, my room. My room. You said, your room? I said, yes. No, I'm my room. Well, you're in your room. No, that's not the room you're trying to find, Mike. Oh, I found that. I got your luggage right here. I know, but you're trying to find it now. You said the room you were in had the do not disturb on, Mike. Why would I tell you the room? I mean, you got. You have the keys to the. I don't know.

[Giovanni]

Why aren't you drinking your red wine?

[Adam Carolla]

Your fucking luggage is in this room. Oh, that's not my room, Mike. You got me. I don't know. Whose room are we in? That's not my room. Is this same size as your room? I said, yes, Mike, your luggage. Your luggage is in there. Yeah, but I didn't know what room it was in. I said, what? Well, you got the keys and the number. I didn't know what number it was, Mike. Why would I call you and tell you what room your luggage was in? By signifying the fact that it had a do not disturb sign. You called and said the room you were in had a do not disturb sign, Mike. The room you were looking for, I already found it he said. I said, well, how the fuck do I know? Went around, that's 2:20 in the morning now. I don't even know what's going on at this point. Later on the next day, when I got my sleeping wits about me, I said, mike, I don't know what happened last night or why. When I gave you the key for us to swap rooms, would you not want the key? I didn't need that key, he said. I said, why? Why, why? He said, oh, I didn't tell you I didn't get the wrong room. We weren't swapping rooms. I was just gonna move you up to a suite. I said, why wouldn't you tell me that? He went, you didn't need to know. I said, apparently I did need to know because I was fucking confused the entire night. That's the way we always do it, right? And he goes, yeah, that's the way we always do it. But not this time. And it was like, it's superfluous information for him. Like you don't need.

[Brian Bishop]

He just wanted to make your life easier without you knowing.

[Adam Carolla]

Nice job.

[Giovanni]

Follow up story that will drive this home for everyone the next day. You can explain why or not. It's not really important. But the merch got rerouted. The merch got sent to the wrong place for the Buffalo show. There was nothing to sell. No T shirts, no books, no whatever. Which is important, especially to Mike August. He was so on top of shit. Like, he was not confused about that. He was extraordinarily lucid on where the merch should have been. Why wasn't it here?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh yeah, he's confused about nothing when.

[Giovanni]

It comes to money.

[Adam Carolla]

This is the most. I know that part where he was knocking on that poor person's door. A poor person must have been like, it's 2:10. And I put do not disturb. Who the fuck is tapping at the door? What kind of animal knocks on a door that says do not? First off, I'm not expecting anyone at 2am Like, I didn't call up a hooker. Probably just some dude sleeping in there, going, hearing that faint tapping, going, what the fuck? I put do not. Is this a maid? Like, is this the world's worst turndown service?

[Brian Bishop]

And then hearing a vaguely familiar voice chastising the person who's knocking.

[Adam Carolla]

You said do not disturb. That was the room you were in, not the room I'm in now.

[Giovanni]

It was probably one of the ones in our block of room. So he probably didn't wake anybody up. But there's still A chance?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I suspect there's two. There's I didn't hear you knock. And then there's, I heard you knock, did the math and went, what the fuck? Like, I didn't order room service. This ain't a maid. This is somebody who wants to fucking borrow some money or rape me. Or worse, rape me and borrow money? Yeah. Like. Yeah, what? What is. Who knows I'm here? And what good could come of this?

[Brian Bishop]

So the reason he didn't keep your key when you gave it to him is because he had no intention of switching rooms. Because he. So he made up that whole thing about the light bulb thing?

[Adam Carolla]

No. That evidently, everybody had a weird switch in their bathroom.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, I had that, too. I thought I was gonna have to.

[Adam Carolla]

Switch, then I realized it turned on their light. So he swapped his room at some point, which had nothing to do with what I was talking about, and yes, he had no intention of switching rooms with me that night. The rest is unclear. I don't know. But that was a long fucking circle, and I was in no mood. Let's put it to you that way. If you're in no mood to have your identity stolen, who is and who is these days? Lifelock, baby. Identity thieves are shrewd. The working all the time. Even when you and I don't sleep in someone else's hotel room. Lifelock. What's going on there? Allison?

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. You can't even feel confident when you apply for a job that your information isn't going to go somewhere fishy. Which I always wonder about that. A Spokane identity theft victimized dozens of people nationwide. He was posting job listings to major recruiting websites posing as a technology firm's recruitment manager. Then he would contact applicants after they posted a resume and request information for a background check, because he said they would be dealing with sensitive data. And he then opened bank accounts.

[Adam Carolla]

Shrewd, baby. Yeah. You got to get smarter. Smarter than them. LifeLock ultimate, the most comprehensive ID theft protection ever created. Guards your identity and credit. Even monitors your bank accounts for takeover fraud. Dawson, LifeLock Services can't protect you or your bank accounts if you're not a member. Visit lifelock.com and enter promo Code Adam. Or call and use Promo Code Adam for a special 10% discount. That's promo Code Adam. Get to. To get a special 10% discount, call 800-4965-030800-49650. 30. 800-496-5030. Network does not cover all transactions, and scope may vary. I know this has Been brought up before, but had this happen the other day. Want to know who this person is. And once I find out, I would like to back over them repeatedly. It's not me. You know, the pedestrian that kind of comes out of nowhere. Like, there's two kinds of intersections. There's the intersection that is marked with the do not walk or walk or the blinking things and the white stripes and the stuff like that. And that's a. You're in a little different mindset when you get to that intersection, people may be coming across and it's also part of town, businesses and markets and things like that. Then there is this one where you're at the sort of side street intersection, the one that doesn't have a crosswalk in it, just maybe a stop sign or a four way stop sign. But you're residential and there's no crosswalk. And sometimes you're looking because there's another car that stopped and you're doing the oh, you're turning left, I'm going to go after you. But the pedestrian comes from the right and you're sitting in your car and your head is cranked around to the left going, all right, after that Honda turns, I'm going to go. And then you look and there's the person. I had that happen to me yesterday and I didn't hit the person or anything. I never hit anybody or anything. You see them and you stop and then they give the whoa, which I always like, which is, hey, if you walk up on cars that are stopped and look, see if the person is talking on the phone or see if their head is turned the other way or see if they see you, it's daylight, you're six feet away. Look at the person's head through the glass. But all right, the person stopped. The guy gave the whoa and I gave the, you know, heil, sorry, move this the one hand. You know, I didn't. It's not worth rolling down the window and having a fucking conversation. It's just my bad, you know, obviously I didn't see you. And then I stopped, I drove away and I got about 100ft down the street and just glanced up in my rearview mirror and there he was, standing in the middle of the street, both hands still wide up like Kuzak, holding that radio, that move, say anything, say anything. Move. Just standing in the middle of the Willem Dafoe begging to be hit when it was shot by Charlie over there. Just this whoa. Like off into the future, like, whoa. And I just thought, what the. What the fuck first off, I feel sorry for whoever's married to that asshole and whoever's children he's rearing. But did this exist 50 years ago?

[Brian Bishop]

No. I mean, I think it's that people are looking for a target to release all their anger at.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, he wanted to make an issue.

[Adam Carolla]

I understood. I'm down the street, I'm gone. This exchange is over. What's with these standing? And if you would like to avoid being run over in the future, perhaps standing in the middle of the intersection with your hands above your head is not the way to approach this. But first off, learn a little something about yourself and your habits, which is when you're going through the residential areas, it's sort of off times in places where there's nobody else on foot but you and you're walking up to cars and the guy doesn't see you, perhaps wait or take a look. I mean, after all, it's your femur bone that's going to be crushed. I'm going to be the one who gives you the insurance company information. You're gonna be the one who's in traction. So work that out just for your own benefit. But then secondly, after it happens, try not to work in a me against the world sort of angle on this whole thing. I'm just a guy who doesn't know you, who didn't see you coming up on my car.

[Brian Bishop]

And now you gave him the my bad wave.

[Adam Carolla]

How hard is he? Right? Our exchange is done here. What is that?

[Giovanni]

There is a small percentage of responsibility that goes on the pedestrian. Obviously you have to be aware of your surroundings.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, here's the thing. What I know.

[Giovanni]

Make sure the driver.

[Adam Carolla]

See, what I want to tell people is it's not a small amount, it's the ultimate amount because it's your pelvis that's going to be crushed under my car. Don't count on me or my daughter 10 years from now who's texting while she's driving to see you coming up in a place that's pretty out of context for somebody crossing. I've not stopped and waited at that intersection, had anyone walk in front of my car in five years. So let that be upon you. Technically, it'll be the fault. You know, look, during New Year's Eve, don't go down to South Central and run around with your mouth open in circles shortly after the clock chimes midnight, because a bullet may come down and go through your head now.

[Brian Bishop]

So keep your mouth closed.

[Adam Carolla]

Keep your mouth closed and won't be able to penetrate those Big flappy gums of yours. But that'll be on the guy who shot it. But we'll never see that guy. You'll be the guy with the bullet in your mouth. So take responsibility. That's all I'm saying.

[Brian Bishop]

To think about who has the most to lose.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I'm saying. Now look, if I pop up on the sidewalk to save time, then that's a different situation. And that's fine because you do sometimes. I will on occasion. I shouldn't have done what I did. Or I should have looked to the right after I was looking to the left. And once you get to my bad wave though again, you don't have to go all Kuzak on me.

[Brian Bishop]

Where are you guys with trust falls? You know those sort of community building trust fall. I was just thinking about that things that you do in PE or in various. I honeymoon there because I. I think this is telling. Unless you agree with it. My parents raised me you should never do a trust fall because they know of someone who cracked their head open because Da. Da. And you should just never trust anyone to catch you. Have a nice life. It's just don't ever take that kind of risk. Yeah, I think it's probably not the right message to send your child life.

[Giovanni]

Lessons with Mr. And Mrs. Rosen.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Brian Bishop]

They want to keep me alive. Well, you can get stunted.

[Adam Carolla]

Doctor probably saw a bunch of trust fall related.

[Brian Bishop]

He specialized in trust fall trauma deaths. Yeah, no, I mean there's another trust trauma.

[Giovanni]

Mr. Rose. Dr. Rosem.

[Brian Bishop]

Worst case scenario this week. Paranoid.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I never had that. But that would have been. That would have required a conversation with a family member which we tried to avoid. We never had any. You know, not like my dad ever said, son, there's two types of ladies out there. You know, there's never chewing on a.

[Giovanni]

Cigar, spitting with spittoon.

[Adam Carolla]

No, my dad told me I probably wouldn't make it to six foot. And my mom locked herself in a room and yelled freak out. But we didn't have any discussions on just about anything else. It was mostly whatever. Most themes to my any discussion I had was if something goes wrong, it's probably your fault. That was not in a bad way, just your fault. That was the only discussions.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, if something goes wrong with the trust fall, it was your fault for trusting.

[Giovanni]

Yes, and what a weird mixed message. Something goes wrong with your fault. But the. It was the strong. Especially from your mom. A strong thing of the man is the one sort of keeping people down. You know what I mean? Like, it's other people's.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, Adam's.

[Giovanni]

The main actions. Well, not back then.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, white. Was he not.

[Giovanni]

That's a good point.

[Adam Carolla]

But she was, like, on food stamps. Like, I don't know. I did. I had male genitalia. It was close, but I had male genitalia, and I was white. But at age 9, my family. I don't know what it. It's just horrible. I mean, just bad genes or emotional genes or something, but they were always into the other guy. So if you just said, I was driving down the street and somebody cut me off for no reason, they'd say, well, he probably was doing something that you don't know about, and you've probably done that to other people as well. And in general, I like that society. I'm fine with a society that tells people you're not the center of the universe. And so until you can say you've never cut anyone off, then you really can't complain about other people. And that's kind of how they went through their. Their life again, very famously. It all comes. It trickles down from my grandma, who, when I told her way back in the day that I was working with Dr. Drew and Ricky Rackman on Loveline and Ricky Rackman kind of steps on my jokes and talks too much and blah, blah, blah, she just paused and said, I bet he says the same about you.

[Giovanni]

Loving, doting grandma.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And all I said to her was, grandma. When Ricky Rackman talks to his grandma about me, do you think she vehemently defends me, or do you think she agrees with her grandson? That's all I said. She was getting a little older at the time. I knew I could take her. All right, phone calls. Armando. Yes. 41 man. I don't feel like I have enough Armando's in my life. It's good to hear from you and listen to show all the time a big fan. I just have one question, actually. Two seconds. Squeeze in the second one. Mm. First question is, I'm a married man, and how do I convince my wife to let me give her oral pleasure? Second question is, if, Chris. If you were not married and Christy Canyon walked up, would you still have sex with her? Question. All right. How do you convince your wife? Yes. She's not going.

[Brian Bishop]

How bad at it are you?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, she never lets me. And I enjoy it, but she never lets me. So I just need to know, like, some secrets, the words to say or, you know. Need help there, man?

[Giovanni]

You a black man, Armando?

[Adam Carolla]

No, I'm not.

[Giovanni]

Okay, important to establish that early.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Don't know. A whole bunch of black Armandos from Texas, but all right.

[Giovanni]

Love to give oral sex.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. All right. As the one guy brother from my football team at Valley College once told me, he said, I don't eat nothing that gets up and moves when I'm done. I took that to heart. His name was Squeak. Squeak.

[Brian Bishop]

I like that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. The more, you know, I like when guys say that kind of stuff and you're supposed to nod. True. Totally true. That's right. Wise, wise, wise. That's why you're going to Valley College with me. Squeaky. Squeak. Squeak. Yeah. Very muscular. Man of color. Played football with me at Valley College.

[Giovanni]

Armando, why do you want to do this?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I'm just the world. Brian asked a question that everyone's been thinking. Well, I enjoy when she gives it to me. The thing is something about the legs between the cheek and just holding the hips and being there, looking straight at the. The soul. The valley below, you know, just.

[Brian Bishop]

I think we found the problem. I just threw up in my mouth just between the cheeks.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I see. Yeah. I think you mean the thighs, Right? Yeah, the thighs. Yeah. Thighs. Sorry. So listen, some women are just uncomfortable with that. Oh, but it's such beauty down there.

[Giovanni]

They're called keepers.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And I gotta say, let's. Let's be honest for a second. If your penis was an innie instead of an outie, how comfortable would you be? You know, you'd be a little self conscious, wouldn't you be like. You know what I mean? Yeah, I hear you. But it seems like you always hear women wanting that. And here I am married to one that doesn't. All right, but she's not. She's not into it. That's. That's good. Because, I mean, that's just her prerogative.

[Brian Bishop]

Was she into it with other men?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. I never really asked her about that. But when we first started, it happened. But now that we're married, it does. Yeah. Probably shouldn't go down that trail. Right when she gets out her quarterback's wristband filled with names of dudes who've gone down on her before you and how much she enjoyed it. Look, you know, honestly, here's where the Mangria kicks in. I would ply her with a couple of belts of Mangria and slowly do it. But she's not into it. She's not into it. There's really nothing you can do about it. And can I say this to everybody? Sexually? Stop taking what the other person is or isn't into so fucking personally, you know, everyone's like, well, I think that it's a reflection on. It's just the person's not into that, whatever that is. And then guys don't become obsessed with. It's a male thing. See, when you say to a woman, I don't appreciate this, or I don't like that, or this ain't my cup of tea, it's interesting when a guy says to a woman, I don't really like this, the woman understands it as the guy doesn't enjoy that sensation. Like he's just not into that. Fine. But when a woman says, I don't enjoy this or I don't want to participate in this, the guy goes, oh, okay, we got to figure out a way to tame this pony. Like there's some piece of history, something from the past, some emotional blockage, some psychological problem, and we're going to undo it.

[Brian Bishop]

I am going to door that's closed to you.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. I'm going to pick it with my cock. It is true that if you say to a woman like, thanks for the. I appreciate the thought with the dropping the digit, but not my deal. Not into it or not into this position or that position. I don't think women are like, I bet he was with somebody and they were in that position and that person was verbally abusive to him. And then it.

[Giovanni]

No, because now it's hardwired.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. No. When we're into something, we're into something we're not into something we're not for no good reason. That's just us. That's the way we are. Women. There's something that happened, some wrong that needs to be undone or something. And then the guy is on the case, so to speak. And I would just ask. I treat it the same way they treat your whatever you like and whatever you don't like. Not their thing. So move on to the next one.

[Giovanni]

It's like there's a philosophy of offensive football coaching which is take what the defense gives you.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, if they're in a cover.

[Giovanni]

Three, you know, throw screen pass. If they're blitzing, throw it deep. Like, you know, if she's giving you one thing, you go a different direction.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Brian Bishop]

Told me that on the road, something I subscribe to.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's see. Zach's 16 year old. Zach from Santa Maria. Talk to Zach. Zach, yes. Ooh, Zach, what's going on? Nothing. I said big fan of the show. Big fan. Zach. Yes. Are you a Virgin. I take it you're a virgin. Yeah, hold on a second. It shocking. I am lightheaded now, Zach.

[Brian Bishop]

You feel like he would have a different vocal quality?

[Adam Carolla]

Absolutely. As soon as guys start getting laid, guys go from, I got a question for you. What's up, pussy lips? There's a lot of this. Allison, how are you doing? You know what I mean? Like, they're just. They're different. Yeah, they're completely different human beings.

[Giovanni]

Stop listening to podcasts.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. That's right. All right, Zach, what's your question? Okay, so I want to know your opinion on, like, how come high schools don't teach kids how to do taxes and stuff like that? No, we. Yeah, we've gotten into this a bunch of times. They don't. High school basically prepares you. And look, all you assholes are gonna tweet me and go, at our high school, we learned how to do. But I didn't learn shit. I'm basing it on that. And most people I know who I work with or I'm friends with didn't learn shit. Married to all the way around, nobody learned any of this shit. High school prepares you for, like, a bigger high school, but not the world. You know, they don't really prepare you for going out to the United States. They prepare you for going off to college. And when you go off to college, you don't have to do your fucking taxes, per se. I don't know why, considering most of people I went to high school with didn't go to college. And then eventually one gets out of college and then enters life. I don't know why there's no CPR taught. Wouldn't it be great to have a nation of people that knew basic life saving skills? Like, it'd be fun, right? If you're on a fucking crowded subway car or bus accident or something, you'd have 30 people that knew basic triage and you wouldn't have to wait for the medevac helicopter. Why there isn't that, hey, how to save your fellow human being or your child five or ten years from now or whatever it is. Why balancing the checkbook and taxes. There's a couple things. First off, I think school's a little falutin. It's high and medium fallutin. Like, they go, well, we're working on trigonometry and advanced trigonometry. What are you really ever gonna do with that? And wouldn't you be better off learning the Heimlich and how to do your taxes? Also, I'm no Ed Asner with the conspiracy theories, but I really don't think the powers that be want us to know a lot about taxes. I feel like, A, there could be a revolt and B, we, we could save millions or billions of dollars a year if we knew what the fuck we were doing.

[Giovanni]

If everyone got an accountant to do their taxes for them, there'd be many, many, many millions of dollars lost by the government.

[Adam Carolla]

And for sure if we all just knew what the fuck we were doing. And we'd all be pissed as shit because we'd all be sitting there going, what am I reading? A fucking. I'm reading a textbook from the, from the Korean conflict era and I'm paying how much in taxes? Like the fucking school's fucked up. The teachers are dumb, everything paints bubbling and falling off of everything. Place is a mess and I'm paying this much. You really. I don't think they want their constituency, so to speak, to be that up on it.

[Giovanni]

To your point from earlier, I never thought about it, but you're 100% right. When I finished high school and went into college and Alison probably the same way, we were very prepared for college academically, all the classes he took, the trigonometry, the chemistry, the whatever, I was shockingly unprepared for, like living on my own and like life and opening a credit card and, you know, doing all that stuff, taxes and everything, which it seems like something you'd be much better suited to be prepared for.

[Adam Carolla]

There's two things that always bother you.

[Giovanni]

Lose a forest for the trees.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean? Yeah. Bothered me about high school. One is the basic, you know, there's all this talk about, you know, the kids are falling through the cracks and there's the prison, from school to prison, pipeline and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and the test scores and the education, I would be perfectly fine with everyone going, here's some life skills here. A Johnny, you're in the ninth grade, you're a horrible student. We're going to get you into this class and you're going to be an apprentice electrician and you're going to learn electrical work or plumbing or whatever, whatever we need. We're always going to need X amount of these guys. So by the time you're 19, you've served a year of apprenticeship, you'll be able to make $19 or $21 an hour. Like, I've never understood why we don't guide kids who aren't going to college toward that or push the kids who.

[Giovanni]

Shouldn'T Be going to college, into college. It's the weird, like 80% of our students go. It's like, well, not all 80% maybe.

[Adam Carolla]

Should go, yeah, I'm with you on that. And then the other part of the equation is, yeah, just I literally took cooking and sewing classes and tons of ceramic classes. What the fuck, you know, could have. Could have been filling out, learning how to do taxes and whatever. Life saying it goes on and on.

[Giovanni]

It's like the ap. It's like the real life version of the AP Classes which are supposed to get you, you know, that takes care of your first year in college. So you already, like, imagine if you're staring down the barrel of a year of apprenticeship in the real world, making $12 an hour or whatever. It's like, oh, I could hit the ground making $20 an hour. Like, that's so much more valuable.

[Adam Carolla]

Imagine if you're staring down the barrel of Valentine's Day. Oh, it's coming up, baby. Pro flowers, one dozen assorted roses. Free glass vase. That's right. That's how you pronounce it when you go to college. 1999. Or you can double the roses. That's 22 roses. Oh, 24 roses. See, I should have went. Add the premium vase for just $9.99 more. Quick, easy delivery on Valentine's Day. Guaranteed. Guaranteed seven days freshness. That's right. Stays fresh for seven days. Beautiful flowers for a week. Guaranteed, probably longer or your money back. Only way to get the deal, go to proflowers.com. click on the blue microphone, top right hand corner. Type in Ace. That's proflowers.com, click on the microphone, type in ace. Order now. The deal expires soon. All right, someone's got a Chicago John line. Oh, shit. Let's see. Line five. John, what do you got?

[Giovanni]

Hey, I've been out in LA for.

[Adam Carolla]

About a year now, and I'm struggling to find a good pizza place. And I was wondering if you guys had any suggestions. And also, what's your opinion on pineapple on pizza? Uh oh, poor fucking J. Poor assistant Jay, I totally forgot about the pizza.

[Giovanni]

You almost skated on the subject.

[Adam Carolla]

I blocked it out of my mind. Well, I don't mind pineapple on a pizza. I like. I say, I try to, you know, I'm honest. I don't. It's the mmm bop of I enjoy. I love that pop song by Hanson. I'm not going to sit around anyone and try to tell them that it's better than Radiohead. I'm Just going to tell them I like Umba. And I say the same thing about the Hawaiian style pizza. Dawson, I believe brought up. Oh, no, wait, was it Dawson or was it Giovanni? I told you that pineapple contaminates the entire pizza. Oh, then it was Giovanni who liked the pineapple. And olive, I believe it was, which sounded interesting to me.

[Giovanni]

Sweet. As long as it's pineapple, bacon. Pineapple and Canadian bacon.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I'm fine with it. Anything but the big slab of tomato that oozes pus on top of the fucking pizza. That assistant J. Yeah, Molten pus pizza blister that. You can see [e-mail]. the reason we didn't take the picture of the pizza just after it was delivered. We took it an hour after it was fucking delivered. No one had a pizza. He bought three pizzas. Two of them. Two of the three had full wedges or full slabs of tomato on top. Two out of the three. I feel like I've taught the boy nothing in the four years we were together. I was surprised what had happened. What happened to mushroom on pizza? Whatever happened to olive on pizza? What happened to pizza on pizza? Just plain pizza. I've always said if you're going to get three or four pizzas, have one just be cheese. It's good for those who like it and I like it. It's cheese. The one that went. Then he got the. He got to me. He struck out completely. He got three pizzas.

[Giovanni]

Thanks, Jay.

[Adam Carolla]

He got the meat lovers, which got too much meat and a little too salty and a little overkill. I like sausage on the pizza. Pepperoni's fine, Canadian bacon's fine. But when you do the sausage, pepperoni, Canadian bacon, it turns into kind of a pig fuck on top of your pizza, literally. And it gets just a little salty and all you kind of taste is like meat on it.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, you got the pig orgy pizza.

[Adam Carolla]

You got the pig orgy pizza. Then you got this one, which is going around and it's the margherita pizza or I don't know what it is, but it's the slab. It's the. It's the. Oh, shit, Caprese type. It's the slab of tomato with the piece of cheese in the middle of.

[Brian Bishop]

It and basil probably.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I don't know when the fuck that happened. What the fuck happened to olives and what the fuck happened to mushrooms?

[Giovanni]

Olives and mushrooms are on the sidelines.

[Adam Carolla]

They ain't even. I don't feel like they're getting in the game. These days. So I said to him, immediately, who wants this pizza? Answer is, nobody. And again, I'm not some lunatic asshole boss where everyone's like, oh, don't eat that pizza. Carolla will be pissed. Everyone just came into the room. Help yourself.

[Alison Rosen]

I am.

[Adam Carolla]

But nobody. But not everyone just helped themselves to whatever pizza they wanted. Nobody. Can I ask you this? All right, here's what I want to know. I fucking came home to this the other night. If. If tomato as a topping on a pizza does not crack anyone's top 10, and it surely doesn't crack mine, because a pizza already has tomatoes all over the top of it, it's in the form of sauce. It's the form of sauce, right? So if tomato doesn't crack anyone's top 10. 10. And for me, it's not even on my list of toppings, because if somebody said, would you rather have plain cheese pizza or the slices of tomato on top? I would say plain cheese, because I don't like the texture of a hot tomato on top and it oozes out. But anyway, if it's not on anyone's top 10 of toppings on pizza, why is it showing up on every fucking second pizza that I see these days?

[Giovanni]

Must be, oh, maybe because it's cheap and maybe because they have leftover tomatoes from the sauce.

[Adam Carolla]

But somebody's ordering it. Somebody's ordering why? What. What goes on? What happens?

[Giovanni]

I think maybe it takes up a lot of room and they. Can.

[Brian Bishop]

Someone hurt them.

[Giovanni]

Topping they can use a little goes a long way.

[Adam Carolla]

To be fair to Jay, he said. He just said, what pizzas are good? And they said, the Ditka's good pizza and the Jim McMahon's a good. But his question should. After that should have been, what does the Ditka consist of? Right?

[Giovanni]

You want the ironhead. You want the ironhead, Hayward.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Giovanni]

That's a good pizza.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he's dead, but. Yeah. Yeah, but still. So, anyway, nobody ate. Although Jay came in and devoured a couple just to kind of.

[Brian Bishop]

He felt bad.

[Adam Carolla]

He felt bad. He did the equivalent of when you don't get into a game and you're walking back to the locker room, you reach down, you grab a little dirt and rub it on your pants just to kind of just look like you got in on some special teams action or something like that. Jake came back an hour later and he ate four pieces of the tomato pizza just so it looked like it wasn't a complete bust. Yeah, all right, but look, everybody's from somewhere else Right. Everybody has different thoughts on what they like. Dawson hates pineapple on pizza. Giovanni loves pineapple on pizza, and there's everything in between. But we all agree on one thing. No one wants fucking tomato on pizza.

[Giovanni]

It's redundant, right? At best, it's redundant. Okay, if you like tomatoes, you're in luck. There's a tomato base in a substrate.

[Adam Carolla]

What are we doing? What are we doing with our lives, People? What's with the trail mix?

[Brian Bishop]

I mean, how did the whole tomato even get into a pizzeria?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. And then how did. Between this and the hot wing debacle with Jay, how does it work?

[Giovanni]

And he works in a bar. A bar that serves food.

[Adam Carolla]

I've been to his bar. Guess where. I never ordered hot wings or pizza with tomatoes on it. His fucking bar. All right? I love him dearly. I. Look, thank God I only yelled at him for 18 minutes, not like I went full 25.

[Giovanni]

You kept it brief.

[Adam Carolla]

I just don't. I don't get how it works. I just don't. And I know the number one answer, whether most people. It's like, look, I ordered some pizzas. What's the big deal? It's like, I don't. Why go through life that way?

[Brian Bishop]

But in case anyone's wondering, I did hear Adam kind of mumble later in the night, I should apologize to Jay, so I'm sure he'll appreciate this.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank God I didn't. Yeah, I should. I should. Bigger man would. John. Pizza. Yeah. Yeah. You're going to Chicago. Oh, no. You want pizza in la?

[Giovanni]

He's been in LA for a year.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, there's few good. There's. Was it Mulberry Street? Is that over there in Beverly Boulevard?

[Giovanni]

Yeah. You guys probably noticed this trend. I think the best pizza around here is the California pizza. Meaning, you know, the Moza, the higher end stuff of the world.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Moza's great.

[Giovanni]

Pay for it. But they're putting crazy stuff on pizza. Eggs, fried eggs and stuff. I mean, tomatoes, tomatoes. No, but, you know, it's pretty. It's inventive. It's not we expect in Chicago. It's not we expect in New York, but it is very.

[Adam Carolla]

Moza is good and Mulberry Street's good. And what else do you need to know? I'm angry. That's it. All right, listen, everybody. Thin crust, easy on the toppings. I'm telling you, if you go thin crust and you go black olive, it's hard to fuck that up. It's just hard. There's Just less to fuck up. All right. I'll tell you what's not fucked up. Sherry's berries, baby. Oh, send her some beautiful dipped berries. Giant dipped strawberries starting only $19.99, over 40% savings. Or double the berries for just 10 bucks more. Use the code ACE. That's right. Dipped in white milk chocolate, dark chocolate. Got the chips and the swizzles or the nuts. It's all on there. 19.99. Or double the berries for just 10 bucks more. Visit Barry's B E R r I e s.com click on the microphone, top right hand corner. Type in ace. Sherry's berries, baby. All right, Allison, why don't you get the news ready? Let me just hit one more call because I've been on hold for a million years. Alex 26, Chicago. Hey, how you doing? Thanks for taking my call. Hey, what's up with you guys chopping your pizza up into squares? I get the deep dish, so I can't vouch for the rest of the city. Sorry. All right, go ahead. I'm gonna try to put that aside, move forward with our relationship. I'm actually moving in two weeks out to Denver, Colorado. It'll be the biggest move of my life. Hold on a second.

[Giovanni]

Because of the pizza.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me say this about deep dish pizza. It's fine. It's good. It's not pizza. It's just a different. It's a different animal. It's got the corn starch on the thing. It's a unique creation. It's a unique thing. Gary. I'll put it to you this way. I think it was Gary and maybe Dawson, but I can't remember. Dawson had a slice, too. Who said I had one piece of deep dish and I was done. Absolutely.

[Giovanni]

I was ready to pass out in between the shows.

[Alison Rosen]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Because it's like eating four pieces of pizza that are butt fucking each other. Absolutely. It was insane. I was totally. I know. It says it right on the sign out front of Gino's East.

[Giovanni]

I'm still worthy for a napkin.

[Adam Carolla]

But it is like you literally, you're sawing through it. You're eating it with a knife and fork. There's tons of cheese, it's three inches thick. And by the time you get through it, you lean back and go, I had one slice of pizza and I'm done. Which is. It's like. It's a pizza casserole is basically what it is. Fine. Still, when I say I want pizza, it's never that. That's not what I'm what I'm craving. All right, where the hell is Alex with this deep dish? Go ahead, Alex. Sure. So I've lived in and around Chicago my entire life. I'm 26, and I'm moving in two weeks to Denver with my girlfriend that I've been with for nine months. And I just was wondering, any advice on the move? Living with your significant other? Anything in general when you're making a big move or living with your girlfriend? Well, I always say 2 tivos square footage is nice. You know, people think I'm being, you know, I don't know, coarse or something facetious. Living on top of each other. It doesn't matter if you are. Look, if you took two best friends, and you took your two best friends, your good buddy, your guy you love, go out chasing skirts with and tilt mirrors and all kinds of stuff, and the next thing you know, you guys were sharing the same bathroom and sharing the same TV and maybe a bedroom where you could hear everything that was coming out of the other guy's bedroom. Starts pretty simply with this. Buddy, if you're going to borrow my toothpaste, at least go ahead and put the cap back on when you're done. Starts with that. Gets into, I heard you plowing that chick all night and I couldn't. Oh, my God, it's exciting. Fucking go to sleep. Which turns into your shit spread out all over the counter. And there's only one sink. And a lot of that versus you two living in a ton of square footage. You got your own bathroom. You avoid so many. You don't realize how many arguments are just about all the little bullshit.

[Brian Bishop]

How about this? One person leaves dishes in the sink, you turn on the faucet, and the water splashes back at you.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the spoon ladle one that happens. I have just the opposite, which is I get the coffee mug or the juice cup goes right to the edge of the sink, but not into the sink and then. Or into the sink, but without the little spritz of water so it coagulates and dries at the bottom, but either way, a little, you know, you have your space, she has her space. And then you come together. Yeah, you do. That's my thing. And, you know, she has her friends, you have your friends, and then you have your friends that are your together friends. But you probably don't, like, get in and get in each other's grill all the time.

[Giovanni]

Why are you guys moving out there? For work?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I got a new job out there. She's a freelance designer. So she can pretty much work from anywhere. So that's why we're moving. Mm. And you just. What about. Yeah, what about moving itself? You know, I've never made a big, giant move. I'm getting a U Haul and everything. Any. Anything for packing. Any. Any of those details. I don't. I don't know anything other than clearly mark everything. Because when you're putting shit in a box, you go, I'll definitely remember that my softball mitt is in with the tampons. And then later on, you don't remember. You can't find shit. And then it gets into, what kind of idiot puts fucking softball mitt in with the tampons?

[Brian Bishop]

Or you're trying to put the mitt on and there's resistance.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. That's right.

[Giovanni]

Here's a practical piece of advice I discovered when I moved the last time. Go to Bed Bath beyond or Home Depot or wherever. Get a whole bunch of those big plastic clear bins. You know, the ones you put stuff into. Use those for moving. That way you can see through them. You know what's in there. Then when you're done, you've unpacked. Use those to store stuff. Holiday decorations or winter clothes or whatever.

[Adam Carolla]

I would also say this. It is anytime you move, it's your time to be realistic. Like, when your wife.

[Brian Bishop]

Is this relationship going well?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. No. I mean, yes, but he's talking about his shoes. No, but I'm saying, like, your. Your wife. I know. It'll be every commercial, it's the dude that wants to keep his old football jersey on the wall or whatever it is, but he holds it up.

[Giovanni]

She shakes her head.

[Adam Carolla]

Women have a version of this, too. And you both do. It's like, take a look at what you have. If it's something you haven't touched in a year, maybe it doesn't need to go into the closet with the stuff you use every day. Maybe that can go into the garage or into the storage unit or into the whatever. And then there'll be a lot of. Oh, but I use those roller blades. Right? When's the last time you used those roller blades? Oh, it was the summer of 77. Right? That's the whole thing. Be realistic with yourself and your spouse. You both are going to have to be the same. Like, make a rule. If this is something. I'll give you an example. Your kitchen will be filled up with tons of shit that never. Come on. That's our fondue pot. Have we ever used it? If you've never used it, mark it, but put it somewhere that's not in the cupboard that you have to get by to get to. The thing you do use all the.

[Giovanni]

Time is there, do you think? I do. Do you think there's an algorithm to how much space something takes up versus how much you use it? For example, we moved Christy out of snowboard, and she doesn't snowboard that often. She has snowboard in years. She likes doing it, but she hasn't had many, many years. But it doesn't take up very much room. It's flat. We can kind of put it up on a shelf and forget about it. So that kind of item hang onto, because what's the harm? It's expensive and whatever, but something big and bulky or whatever, you know, I'm.

[Adam Carolla]

Not saying give it a Viking funeral.

[Giovanni]

Send it off to sea.

[Adam Carolla]

Send it off to sea on fire. I'm just saying I had this one of these conversations with Lynette once where she had her roller skates in the entry closet. Just the entry closet is where you kind of have the backpacks, the coats, the jackets, Molly's leash. I said, let's get your roller skates, throw them up in the workout room and put them in my cabinet over there where my baseball mitt, my boxing gloves are. I use those. I said, I've never seen you use them. I use them. I said, all right, well, you can use them. Just go get them up in the cabinet upstairs, because here we're in and out of this all the time. It's just taking up space in a high traffic zone. She said, I use them and I want them here. And I said, no, you don't, because you never use them. You don't want them here. I know there's some weird, sentimental. You know what I think a lot of it is? A lot of it is, I don't use them, but if I put them away, it'll officially kind of be over with me. In roller skates or snowboarding, you're closing the door on. Well, there is a. There is this thing where it's like, there comes a time when you will never snowboard again and. Or never roller skate again and don't do them at the same time, because that'll be it. But so there's a part of you that's emotionally fighting for stuff. You do it in the kitchen, too, which is you get some fucking mold shaped like a fish that somebody gave you that was cool, and you go, hey, man, I was gonna use that. No, you were going to be the kind of person that would have used it, but you didn't turn out to be that way.

[Brian Bishop]

Or a juicer.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Exercise equipment, treadmill. Haven't been on it in two years. Let's get it out of the bedroom. Whoa. Let's be realistic. Not the kind of person who wants to go roller skating or snowboarding or juicing or using a mold shaped like a fish. But the type of person that does actually use it.

[Brian Bishop]

I've never even seen food in the shape of a fish mold.

[Adam Carolla]

What is cooked in is jell. Oh, I think. I think the fish. Now we gotta find a fish jello mold.

[Giovanni]

I thought there was like, you. Oh, God, this sounds weird. Like tuna salad and then you turned it upside down.

[Brian Bishop]

Was the shape of fish or something.

[Alison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

It could be like an aspect which is describing that is like. Oh, it's like, you know, it's like fish flavored jello. What are you talking about? Yeah, it's like, you know how you love cod and cold cod and cold gelatinous cod?

[Giovanni]

I love both of those things.

[Adam Carolla]

You love clear, gelatinous, cold cod.

[Giovanni]

Of course.

[Adam Carolla]

Who does? Well, there you go. In the shape of a cod. Well, now we're cooking.

[Brian Bishop]

In case the smell doesn't give it away, the fish shape will for sure let you know what it is.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's get ready for the news. Ah, Squarespace, baby. And we'll show you the mold in a second. All in one platform. Makes it fast and easy to create your own pro website. Beautiful design styles, options. You get your unique website going. Yeah, we're looking at the jello fish right now. I'm looking for the tinny one. I'm looking for the old school one. Easy to use. But if you need some help over at Squarespace, they got pros 24. Seven at your disposal. They can have help you. Starts at just eight bucks a month and includes a free domain name. If you sign up for a year, you can get a free trial. No credit card required. Start building your website today. Use the offer code Corolla. Corolla 2. Corolla 2. That's the name. Corolla. And the number two. For 10% off your first purchase. And show your support for the show. Because we love it, baby. Squarespace. Everything you need to create an exceptional website. Ah, yeah, there's the fish mold. All right, Allison Rosen. Let's do some news, baby girl. The news with Allison Rosen. She'll read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. It's Allison. Allison. And when it's time to wrap it up. She'll sign it off with zip. It's Allison. Allison.

[Brian Bishop]

Very sad news. Philip Seymour Hoffman was found dead.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, this happened when we were running our shows.

[Brian Bishop]

It happened. We were flying back, actually. That's when the news initially broke.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

And right after it was reported on, people on Twitter were linking to a Wall Street Journal article. And then there was this brief sort of back, this current of people saying that it was a hoax because the day before there was an Internet hoax that he had died. But then the day before. Yeah, the timing was very strange. Were you aware of it?

[Adam Carolla]

I heard about.

[Giovanni]

I was made aware of it. Like there was actually a website that apparently does these hoaxes pretty frequently. And they had done one on him a day or two before, so I.

[Brian Bishop]

Thought, oh, I was getting upset for nothing. It turned out to just be a hoax. And then, no, unfortunately, it was true. He was found in his apartment with a needle in his arm. Suspected overdose. Although authorities are saying that they won't know for sure until they do the autopsy. But he was found with a bunch of heroin.

[Adam Carolla]

My thing, if anybody ever does the hoax where comedian Adam Carolla dies, I keep the rig put away for at least a week after the hoax. Like I'm that superstitious. You know what I mean?

[Giovanni]

Keep it out of reach.

[Adam Carolla]

Just reading the hoax about how you died the day before and then reaching for the Heroin Rig the 32 hours later, it just seems like, eh, this feels a little weird. You know, it's like, it's sort of like, I don't know, giving someone a speech on how dangerous motorcycles are. And then someone goes, hey, wanna try my new bike? Like, that's probably not the time to do it very soon.

[Brian Bishop]

It might be the time you need to ride the most.

[Adam Carolla]

I know. Did you ever meet him? You know, it's gonna be one of those things where I go, no. And then Giovanni sends a tweet that says he was on Loveline three times.

[Giovanni]

He was promoting Magnolia back in 1999.

[Adam Carolla]

First off, you don't realize that sometimes when you meet people before they are who they are, it doesn't register in your mind that they are who they are. Which happened many times. David Alan Grier said, oh, you know, you met Kerry Washington. She came up to you after the show and said what a big fan she was. I said, I've never met Kerry Washington after race. And I was like, oh, that was a good looking black chick who was in race with you on Broadway that I saw seven years ago. That was not Kerry Washington at the time, in my mind, just the attractive chick who was with you in the show.

[Giovanni]

Well, plus, Philip Seymour Hoffman spent the first few years of his career as one of those guys. Like that guy. You recognized him, but very chameleon like.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he wasn't a name.

[Giovanni]

He wasn't Phillips Hoffman until a couple years into his career.

[Adam Carolla]

I never. I really can't recall that much about him other than he was a great actor. I didn't. I didn't hear. I can't remember a lot of funny interviews or insights. I didn't know if he was gay or straight, if he had kids, if he was married.

[Brian Bishop]

Three kids. And he had a longtime partner, so.

[Adam Carolla]

He had, like, a girlfriend. And, you know, partners now means gay, I think.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. He had. To me, that means woman that he lived with, who they used to mean that actually married.

[Adam Carolla]

It used to mean her name's Mimi. The guy rode next to you in the cop car. But at a certain point it became gay and lesbian. So he had. Same chick he had the kids with.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. But they just never got married.

[Brian Bishop]

Now, there's rumors. I just saw some headlines from Gary's nodding. He saw it, too. His friend is claiming that they were gay lovers. Right. Does there seem to be any validity to that?

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Giovanni]

That guy's married with three kids also.

[Adam Carolla]

And he's come out and openly said.

[Giovanni]

That they were together and they were planning to go to the super bowl together.

[Brian Bishop]

He's the one who called 911 and found him dead.

[Adam Carolla]

Why? All right, first off, a lot of this is loosely based on Boogie Nights.

[Giovanni]

But Scotty J.

[Adam Carolla]

You do is a great character. Great character. I mean, that scene where he was showing him that he got a Z car, like he wanted to be so much like Mark Wahlberg and everything.

[Giovanni]

We spent the entire week on Film Vault this week talking about Phyllis Seymour Hoffman, talking about his best roles. And that is my number one favorite Philip Seymour Hoffman role. I'm an idiot.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Giovanni]

He just kept going, sort of.

[Adam Carolla]

Belly was hanging out of his shirt. Yeah. Now, so when a guy could be gay, where you just go, oh, he seems like he would be gay. I don't. There's nothing scientific about that. On the other hand, we're wired that way. Why? What kind of friend?

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Who are these people? What is that? I mean, I know when people. People do this all the time, they go, well, you know, he's just trying to get attention. Well, you can get attention, go to a mall defecating your own hand, and then Slap it on top of your head. You'll get attention.

[Brian Bishop]

Imagine if you did that, and actually you got no attention. Feel really invisible.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna try. There's attention. You'd probably make the evening news. You'd have your pants around your ankles. There'd be some security camera footage. And people get their phones out and do it right. You get attention. What kind of attention? You have three kids. He has three kids. He's dead.

[Brian Bishop]

I mean, the only thing I can think is, and this is really benefit of the doubt, he's so heartbroken that he feels like, as a testament to their love, the truth should come out. The only thing I can say, the.

[Adam Carolla]

Truth should almost never come out by the person who's telling it.

[Brian Bishop]

There's. I came across this photo of Philip Seymour Hoffman at a sporting event with his kid, and it is just so upsetting. The whole thing is so upsetting. Yeah, he. So he withdrew $1,200 from a grocery store atm near his apartment the night before.

[Adam Carolla]

Got that kind of Max, I was gonna say no.

[Brian Bishop]

He did it in six transactions, so. Four people believed to have been connected to the drugs found in his apartment were arrested late Tuesday night. During the raid that led to the arrest of the three men and one woman, police found 350 tiny plastic bags of what is believed to be heroin. And the bags of heroin. So these were not found in Philip Seymour Hoffman's apartment. It was a raid somewhere else. But they're connected. They believe the bags of heroin were branded Blacklist and Red Bull, which are not the same brands that were found in Hoffman's apartment. Did you know that heroin is branded? I didn't know this until I heard it on, like, Dr. Drew the other day.

[Adam Carolla]

You mean, like, strains of weed are branded?

[Brian Bishop]

Is it. Sorry, Gary's nodding. Is it that it's the different types of heroin that are branded, or is it that the dealers put different brands on the heroin? Because understood was that it was like sort of a shell game of, you don't really know what one's the potent one that week. It's just a way to create brand loyalty.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the brand has to be in whatever little Ziploc it's coming in, right? Right. It's just a stamp on the outside of the bag. Right.

[Brian Bishop]

It doesn't really indicate what's on the inside.

[Giovanni]

I'm a black magic man myself. I don't know. You guys can do whatever you want.

[Adam Carolla]

You're kind of up. You're kind of at the mercy of your dealer, and that's why you have your dealer, because you think you can trust your dealer, because your dealer. But you don't know that your dealer can trust whoever he's supplying your dealer.

[Brian Bishop]

I mean, it's all on the up.

[Adam Carolla]

It is one of these things where I don't know where cooking it up, you know, pulling it into the syringe and putting it, you know, tying off and finding a vein and doing that whole bit, you know, I don't know where it ranks in terms of medical procedures. It's not gallbladder, but maybe it's up there with pulling your own tooth or something. Like it's the kind of thing that you would never. People freak out if you tried anything close to this just on your own. Getting a syringe, tying off, finding a vein, injecting yourself, cooking up the stuff, pulling it out. I mean, it's gotta happen via the. Mainly as Dr. Drew says. Dr. Drew says heroin's not really bad for you, but it's.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, unless it stops your heart, then.

[Adam Carolla]

It can be a little bit bad aside from that. But I guess what he's saying is it's most. The trouble comes oftentimes with how it's delivered or absorbed.

[Brian Bishop]

Right. The actual drug itself, the narcotic heroin, doesn't actually harm you, but either way.

[Adam Carolla]

You'Re basically at home engaged in a behavior that should take place in a doctor's office or hospital, and you're doing it to yourself. And that seems like how many times is that going to happen before something doesn't work? Right.

[Brian Bishop]

And Maryland officials said that heroin tainted with fentanyl, which is a drug used to treat pain in hospitals, had claimed the lives of at least 37 people. So initially people wondered, was the heroin that Philip Seymour Hoffman was using, was this some of that tainted or fentanyl laced heroin? But no, it wasn't. It wasn't found in any of the stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

It's amazing that if you want to keep off of everyone's quiet whispers of drug abuse and allegations kind of list, at least in the general populace, you know, this sort of general zeitgeist of human beings, all you have to do is be 20 pounds overweight and don't get caught with like the hookers or don't get that dashboard cam where you're yelling monkey nipples and screaming about the.

[Brian Bishop]

Jews and be really good at your.

[Adam Carolla]

Job and be good at your job. You don't have to be that. I feel like that's good. But we've had a lot of artists who were junkies who did A lot of cool art if you're a little bit pudgy. First off, if you're a little bit pudgy, no one really thinks you do things other than, oh, he's a chocoholic. You know what I mean?

[Brian Bishop]

Like, you drank too much.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you'd be a little bit pudgy. Don't get any DUIs with, like, really fucked up, you know, mug shots, mugshots, and things like that. Don't get any, like, crazy stories where, you know, you trashed your hotel room. Be that plus £25. And nobody ever really puts you on their list. Charlie Sheen is basically the poster boy for that list. Who knows? Maybe Philip Seymour Hoffman was every bit as bad as Charlie Sheen in his own way, but never did that. Never engaged in that. I'm gonna be super Rayleigh thin and chain hookers to a radiator.

[Giovanni]

Kept a low pro.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, yes.

[Brian Bishop]

And I discovered something, which is that Anderson Cooper says heroin the way Dr. Bruce says everything. He goes, heroin, Heroin.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, anyway, very sad. He goes, very troll.

[Brian Bishop]

Roger Ebert apparently wanted Philip Seymour Hoffman to play him in a biopic if they ever made a movie of his life. Yeah, who would you want to play you, Ebert? Well, but who else? Who's on the B list?

[Adam Carolla]

Wait, did he retie.

[Giovanni]

Yes, he did.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, good.

[Giovanni]

Earlier last year.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay, good.

[Adam Carolla]

Just good for me, because good for comedic purposes. Well, he's. He's been one of those guys you think is gonna. You think he's dead. You know, he's been dying for four years. I couldn't remember if I just had him. I dying or whatever. You have Bruce saying heroin. Horrible heroin problem in America. America. I think it's a terrible heroin problem in America. It's heroin, and it's America.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, if you guys hear Anderson Cooper on TV saying heroin, it's very Dr. Bruce's. Dr. Bruce esque.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. Well, Jimmy decided a long time ago who should be playing me in my biopic. A retarded Pete Sampras.

[Giovanni]

So Pete Sampras gets an affliction and becomes an actor.

[Brian Bishop]

Good news.

[Giovanni]

A layup.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

[Giovanni]

Okay. Okay. Make sure.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Well, anyway, sad. And they're the guys whose work you will miss. And you get the feeling like he's not one of these guys. Well, sure. His hair fell out, and he put on some weight, and then he stopped. Hollywood stopped calling. He would have just worked right on, right on through.

[Giovanni]

He never. Of all the movies I ever saw him in, and there were over a dozen he never ever mailed it in. Never ever slummed it even. He wasn't like a big budget picture like the Hunger Games or something along those lines. He's always the best person in the movie, right?

[Brian Bishop]

All right, did you. I mean, did you guys have any inkling that he had a drug problem?

[Giovanni]

There was a quiet little thing where he went to rehab earlier last year for like a 10. Yeah, 10 day or something.

[Adam Carolla]

But again, the zero mug shots or trashing the hotel rooms mixed with the extra £25 just gets you off of everyone's list. I never even had any idea.

[Brian Bishop]

Did you hear this? The owner of the rams purchased a 60 acre parking lot located between the Forum and Hollywood park that could potentially be used for an NFL stadium.

[Giovanni]

Get your Rams beanies.

[Adam Carolla]

I got my Rams beanie fucking daughter yesterday. Oh, my God. She snatches that beanie right off the end. No, off the top of my head. She does a move where she goes, daddy, I want a huggy. And then I fall for it and I go and give her a hug, and then she grabs it off the top of my head. And then she runs, just squealing down the hall. She runs into the kitchen. The kitchen has a ceiling. It's about nine, nine and a half feet tall. But the upper cabinets, the. Just go up to about 8 foot. And they got the crown molding around them. And then she. As I turn the corner, she laughs and throws it up. So it goes up on the top of the top cabinet. Then I get pissed because irresistible. I can't get to it. I can. I'm just gonna. It's gonna involve getting up on the cabinets, the lower cabinets, and blah, blah, blah. So I do this move. I did this last night. I said, you're getting it. You're getting it this time. So she said, fine. So she got up on top of the countertop, but it's still too tall for her to get to it. She can just reach her hands up and sort of hang on the crown molding. So I picked her up, sort of put her butt on my shoulder and said, you get it? And she went and grabbed it, sort of showed it to me, and then chucked it deeper behind the fridge. Because the fridge is, you know, three, three feet deep and wide into that corner where there's no reaching once you. I was like, God damn it. I had to. I had to throw her. I mean, literally throw her up there. Like, I had to, like, shove her. What else could I do up there? I'm not getting a fucking. A frame Ladder out to get my rams. Beanie then had to scrub the night of wrestling because she did her. She did her jump off the bed move, but this time, she's doing it with a flying fist. Like, she literally slapped me across the face. I'm going to catch her. She's slapping me in the face. It sounds funny.

[Brian Bishop]

Did you still catch her?

[Adam Carolla]

I caught her and I said, no mas, baby. Like, you don't. She's. It's. It's knees. Knees and punches to the groin and slaps to the face. And last night, we were practicing standing on our heads. I'm a good headstander because of my weird balance, and I do it the. I don't do it very often, but if I do do it, I do it the yoga style where I lock my fingers and do it with my elbows. That way. I think I've done it for you guys. But anyway, when I do my headstand, I cannot do it around Natalia. I have to. If Mommy and Sonny are there, there's no problemo. If Natalia's there when I get up, she knocked me over, and she'll push me in a weird direction, which will land me half on the credenza kind of thing, you know, Fucking ankles will go slamming against the glass table or whatever, whatever it is. So I have to. If I'm going to get in a headstand. She cannot. She must be restrained. Otherwise, she will push me, and she will not push me the direction I'd like to go, which is back to where I came from. I'll go over the top or sideways on her ass.

[Brian Bishop]

How frequent are headstands in your house?

[Adam Carolla]

Not very frequent, but she did them. I don't know why. She's got a weird core strength. Very strong core and a very strong balance. And I keep telling her I can. I had her. I think I had a good, like, 10 Mississippi of her doing a headstand. Sonny does a fucking headstand. He puts his face on the carpet and tries to get up, and it's like his. Literally, his forehead is down. I go, sonny, you got to put the top of your head down on the. Doesn't.

[Giovanni]

Can't be too safe, dad.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he's total wuss. He's not buying it. She can do it. She's strong. She ice skates. I can fight. I can feel it in her. I can just feel that core coming out of her. Problem is, she's not gonna harness it and use it for good. She's gonna fucking use it for evil.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, what's the number one core strength, evil manifestation. You're evil and you have a strong core. What do you do?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's hard, really. What it does is it lets you do evil, and then you're very hard to subdue in the midst of doing evil because she can break loose of. Of anything. And that's what she does. I did a. I did about a minute, a nice 60 Mississippi standing on my head last night in the bedroom. But like I said, Natalia broke loose and toppled me over. It's good times. That's just who she is. I don't know why we get into, you know, oh, we're going to teach them this and we're going to train them that way. She has a temperament. He has a temperament. They're totally and utterly wildly different. And I'm not sure all you can do is try to contain both of them as best you can. But I don't know there's any changing. Ah, speaking of change. Tired of bringing your loose change down to the post office? Good one, ace man. Stamps.com Postage rates are going to change again. That's right. This time they're going sideways. Super confusing.

[Giovanni]

I didn't see that coming.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, usually they go up.

[Giovanni]

Almost always they go up.

[Adam Carolla]

Occasionally they go down, but sideways. Yeah, nobody saw that coming. You want to buy and print official US postage using your own computer? Stamps.com automatically calculates the exact postage you need. Any letter, any package. Special offer, by the way, no risk trial. $110 bonus. Offer includes digital scale. 55 bucks free postage. 55 bucks free postage. Go to stamps.com before you do anything else. Click on the microphone, top of the homepage. Type in Adam. That's stamps.com promo code. Adam. Can everyone stand on their head?

[Brian Bishop]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

No. Gary can. You know the problem with saying that everyone goes, oh, I gotta come and stand on your head.

[Giovanni]

I used to be able to before the cancer.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Giovanni]

Robbed me of my left side.

[Brian Bishop]

Is that true?

[Giovanni]

Yeah, I was pretty athletic.

[Adam Carolla]

Can you do the yoga style? I don't even know if I can do the other style. I only do the yoga. I don't even know if it's called cold yoga style. But my hand, my palm's too fucked up from boxing. Didn't feel right. But do you get up, just go slow or do you make like a. Make a move? I kind of throw myself up against the wall and I do palms flat on the wall. Not my.

[Giovanni]

Not my palms against the wall.

[Adam Carolla]

But like, I can't. I don't think. I don't think I'd be able to do it. Like freestanding in the middle of that room.

[Brian Bishop]

Like you go against the wall and then you pull yourself straight up.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Not. Can you turn yourself upside down and lean back. Hold on a second. That's like saying. Can you levitate? Well, yeah, you know, when I'm on a bed. No, I know that's. I mean, levitate. And I lay on a bed.

[Brian Bishop]

I think what Gary is saying is you go up against the wall and then he rights himself and balances. That's what I thought he was saying. Is that what you're saying, Gary, or are you leaning against the wall the whole time?

[Adam Carolla]

Apparently, I'm leaning against the wall. I suspect Gary's head injury is affecting his behavior. No. Using the walls and aid. But now how far away from the wall can we be? I don't know, six, eight inches. All right, but you can't come into the middle of this room and do a stand. No, I don't think I can stand. Headstone. No, it's weird. Not weird bad. I just mean I just figured more people. More people could do it.

[Brian Bishop]

Why aren't they teaching that in high school? I feel like the last time I had to stand on my head was grade school.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a good. It's a good Corey kind of a thing. All right, I'll do one after show. You can film it and throw it up on something.

[Brian Bishop]

What I remember is the headache. Do you not get a headache from it?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, I get a headache from my daughter knocking me over and have me. My feet go flying in a fucking sharp object. Yeah, it's not. You try to. I try to take the weight and kind of push it onto my. Onto my elbows, but anyway. All right, let's do one more.

[Brian Bishop]

All right. I think we should talk about Woody Allen and Dylan Farrow, but I feel like that is too big for the half a story that we're going to do now. So let's table that for tomorrow.

[Adam Carolla]

Dylan is the girl, though, right? Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

And instead, let's talk about the fact that CVS has announced that they're going to stop selling cigarettes and other tobacco products at their CVS pharmacies by October 1st. So it's the first chain of national pharmacies to take tobacco products off the shelves. The President said in a statement. Put simply, the sale of tobacco products is inconsistent with our purpose. Obama has praised the move.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, people keep tweeting me third hand smoke stories which are coming around just by the way. Thirdhand smoke I don't know if you guys knew this. As dangerous as smoking.

[Brian Bishop]

Is that sitting near curtains or something?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. By the way, whenever you hear stuff where you go, what the fuck you mean? It's the same as smoking? When you do the what the fuck? It always means it's bullshit. Somebody told me, I think, Gary, I did a favorite tweet on this. Somebody tweeted this to me and I, I flagged it. I think some state, I can't remember what state. We'll figure it out. Some city, whatever, they're outlawing the E cigarettes, the vapor ones. And it struck me, and I've said this many times, our Internet's down, so you have to kind of bear with us here. What we want is the truth. And back when I used to do Loveline and we would be talking about the morning after pill, all the groups that were against abortion would come out against the morning after pill. I would say, you're against abortion. Here's the pill that stops abortion. And they would come out their own spurious bullshit about why they didn't like the pill. But then I used to say, and as I did say at the time, you're not against abortion. You're against people having sex basically out of wedlock. And you don't like that. You don't like recreational sex. And that's fine. Like that's your opinion. And you're probably right. We'd have a better society. I mean, less STDs and kids out of wedlock and abortions and things like that. But that's not going to happen. But let's at least be straight with our argument about what we're talking about here. You don't like recreational sex, it leads to abortions, and then they do. The people are free to do whatever they want to do. I'm just against this. Well, then why magically against the pill? That's going to get rid of that. Okay, that's a right version of that. Then there's a left version, which is like E cigarettes. You guys have waged a fucking campaign against cigarettes filled with lies for the last 20 years. Now somebody comes out with a cigarette that doesn't involve smoke or third hand smoke or tobacco, and you've decided we should outlaw that as well, based on zero science. So what is it? What don't you really like? At first we thought you didn't like cigarettes.

[Brian Bishop]

Things being inhaled in lungs.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. You just don't like people holding. You don't like the notion of this. You don't want it done. In front of kids, you want it to all go away. But what I'm saying to you people is this isn't going away. Just like out of wedlock, sex is not going away. And if you really claim that you would like the scourge of first, second and third hand smoke to go away, then you would endorse this product the same way you would endorse the morning after pill if you really were against abortion. So let's not be hypocrites, people. And everybody, when it comes to cigarettes, everyone just wants to be a hero. And look, they're not good. There's just. Look, when we sit back and look at this particular time in our history, we will realize that we spent our entire adult lives arguing over gay marriage, cigarettes and pot, basically. All of which basically come up to essentially nothing.

[Giovanni]

All the good stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I mean, look, cigarettes, whatever you think of them, do not. They occupy. I feel like 60% of the conversations we have are cigarette related or news stories are cigarette related. When they don't occupy 1% of what will actually affect you. Even if you smoke, it's less. It's 10%. It's just not a big deal. It just is. It just is. Just fucking move on. Just talk about something else. It's an insane. It's this obsession almost. And it's starting with this. We pick a couple of core topics that are sort of beyond any scrutiny. I believe all children should have all access to the Bethel best medical and the best education. Nobody should smoke, and everybody should be represented in every group all the time. And then you just move on with your approach. Yeah, you have your. You get to put your hero hat on and go up to Mount Pies and chillax.

[Brian Bishop]

I didn't know that's what happens on the streets.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what happens. And if somebody goes, oh, what's the big deal if the guy fucking lights up a cigarette 100ft down the street, then all of a sudden you lose your hero status hat turned in cvs. Your heroes, folks who want to get rid of the E cigarettes. Heroes. And again, I feel like we still have kids getting shot in the inner city. I still feel like we got AIDS and we got cancer. Feel like we have schools that aren't working and we have prisons that are overcrowded. I feel like there's so many things we could discuss.

[Giovanni]

Prioritize.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Just go ahead and work big to small. All right, let's bring it home, baby girl.

[Brian Bishop]

That's the news. I'm Allison Rosen. Zip it, cunt.

[Adam Carolla]

I Don't eat nothing that gets up and moves when I'm done. That was the news with Allison Rosen. Oh, yeah, they went. They want the E cigarettes banned on Capitol grounds. Well, that's gonna save the black kid in the inner city. He's getting shot about now.

[Giovanni]

Poor Obama.

[Adam Carolla]

He's got a bowling alley in the basement for that.

[Giovanni]

For smoking again.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. Look, E cigarette. Where do you fucking. Where do you rank it on your prom? Like your nation's problems, your family problems? Let's get international. Talk about what's ethnic cleansing and things like that. E cigarette lands on that.

[Brian Bishop]

It's so ridiculous. Because if there is any danger with the E cigarette, it really is only to the person smoking it. It's not to anyone inhaling it.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't know that. Jury still out on water vapor? Jury out. You don't know. Hold on. I'll be from the Huffington Post. Are you scientists? Are you pulmonologists? Are you an inventor? Okay, so you don't know. So we don't know. So no one ever knows, so we'll never know. Yeah, all right. Ah, Taxact, baby.

[Giovanni]

That's what you do know.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I do know. Taxact.com Easy, fast and free. Guides you through everything. This is what they should have taught you in high school, by the way. Tax act people should have got there. Yep. You can start anywhere. You can finish anytime. You work on your computer, your tablet or your phone. It guides you step by step. You save a ton of money, you get your maximum refund guaranteed, no restrictions. Taxact.com Federal taxes are free to prepare, free to print, free to E file. So tax. Well, they're coming up. What is that, the 15th of April?

[Giovanni]

Indeed. Same as last year.

[Adam Carolla]

Indeed. Well, I pay. All good. Yeah. Go to taxact.com Adam. Let's do that today. That's taxact.com Adam. Taxact.com you got this. All right, us coming up, Irvine. Thursday, February 13th, my new book, President Me, available as we speak for pre order Amazon is where you go click through AdamCarolla.com when you do, Brian's book will pop up as well. Why don't you go ahead and grab shrinkage?

[Giovanni]

Get a twofer.

[Adam Carolla]

Get a twofer. All right, so. Oh, we'll do a little digital Instagram. You watch me do my headstand. The majesty of me doing a headstand.

[Giovanni]

At Corolla Digital on Instagram.

[Adam Carolla]

Ah. At Corolladigital on Instagram. So until next next time, Adam Crowe for Allison Rosen and bald Brian saying, mahalo. Hi, guy. Let's party.

[Giovanni]

All right, this is adam Cole Show 1255. The great Alison Brian. No guest, just classic love between the three host vibes. Up next, we have Adam Carla Show 1257, featuring AJ McLean from Backstreet Boys, along with Allison Rosen and Brian bishop, also from 2014.

[Adam Carolla]

Lots of stuff to complain about. Good day. Allison Rosen. Hello.

[Brian Bishop]

Adam Corolla and Baldwin.

[Adam Carolla]

That guy sounds hot.

[Giovanni]

That was requested by LynetteCarolla. And how am I supposed to say no to the first lady of podcasting with the hashtag top drop?

[Adam Carolla]

I was about to say she said that to me. I was saying to Sonny today, he's hot because. Just like his dad, because he doesn't know it. And then he always goes, but you just told me. It's a nice running joke.

[Giovanni]

He got you there.

[Adam Carolla]

He got me. So Lynette did that. That sounds hot. That guy sounds hot. Norm MacDonald. And I was about to freak out because she told to me 20 minutes.

[Giovanni]

Ago, but no, she got to me too good.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, boy. Speaking of the home front, you guys tell me. I feel like we need to dial in. I feel like there needs to be some. Every relationship could. This would service every relationship if just on the takeout front. If you really just laid down your.

[Brian Bishop]

List, I'm gonna incorporate it into my vows.

[Adam Carolla]

Please. Maybe it's the kind of thing that you might have laminated and put into one's wallet or pocketbook or something like that. I feel like there's a lot of me going, why'd you get me a chicken burrito? And I'm going, I don't know. And then you go, have you ever seen me order a chicken burrito? No. Why did you get me the chicken burrito? Okay. Why are you being an asshole? And then you go, every time. It's steak tacos, right? Yeah. So why would you get the chicken burrito? You know what? I don't even know. Why. Don't you feel like there's a lot of that in life? Yes. Also a lot of. I got you the steak tacos. Oh, great. Where's the rice and beans? Oh, did you want those? And it's a lot of, like, just for the extra dollar 39 cents. I've said it a million times. I'll give you a worst case scenario. Well, here's a worst case. Honestly, the worst case scenario is you fucking bought me rice and beans. I want a divorce. You. That's the worst. But probably the worst would be you got rice and beans. A close second would be, you got rice and beans. I ate a big lunch, but I'll eat them tomorrow. And they would go in the fridge, I'll zap them in the microwave worse. Or I throw them out and I'm out a buck 39. That, that'll be the worst. That'll always be the worst. But I feel like there's a lot of, like, yeah, I didn't know if you wanted the brown rice or the white rice, so I went with the brown. And you go, yeah, they're $0.59 a container. Just get them. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

See, I hate in life, I hate that experience where you know that you're supposed to say thank you to the person because in some way what they're doing is a favor and yet inside you want to yell, yes. I hate that conflict.

[Adam Carolla]

I've learned to temper myself just a little bit. But I was having fun driving home on Thursday. I worked out, you know, started the day in Torrance at somebody's house and then drove to South Central to somebody's shop shack and stood in their bathroom, which was four foot by four foot with two cameramen and three dudes yelling at each other. And then I sat in traffic for 90 minutes to get here. And then we did the podcast. And I was driving home about 9 o' clock that night thinking, I wonder if there'll be anything that resembles dinner anywhere around the kitchen when I walk through the door after my 16 hour day. And sure enough, I was pleasantly surprised to open the fridge and see the chipotle burrito. It's a chain out here, but they do a good burrito. But tell me what you guys think. Here's where the complaining began. This one was on Olga. I said, as my kids call her. I said, olga, what gives with the burrito? I said, got your burrito? I said, why in the fridge? She said, just keeping it for you. I said, the burrito has guacamole in it and tomatoes in it and lettuce in it, and they cannot be separated from the contents of the meat and the beans and the cheese. So when you zap it in the microwave, you just get hot guacamole and weird hot lettuce and it fucks everything up. But I say to people all the time, you knew I was coming home, right? Like you could estimate. Podcast starts at, ends at, comes home at, walks through the door. I walk through the door between 12 to 9 minutes one way or the other on a nightly basis. One could leave it out and it would be at room temp And I would eat it at that. Or I'd give it 5 seconds or 10 seconds in the microwave. But if you put it in the fridge, then everything gets cold and congealed. And then when I try to bring it back to life with 60 seconds in the microwave, it turns into a mess.

[Brian Bishop]

Now you go, this is not that dissimilar from Daniel's, like, oh, this cookie has been sitting out for half an hour. Do you think it's still good? In general, everyone expects rot to set in the minute you before you.

[Adam Carolla]

I understand, yeah, I understand what was behind it. But this was bought for tonight's dinner. It's. It's wrapped up in foil nicely. Leave it out. You know when I'll get home, or you can check with me. But once it gets cold, then you gotta do this weird dance around the microwave where you're trying to.

[Brian Bishop]

You can't reanimate it.

[Adam Carolla]

You wanna reanimate. It's like, you wanna go, listen, beef, beans, cheese, over here, guacamole, lettuce, tomato. You guys hang out over there.

[Giovanni]

Go deep.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, like, you know, it's like one of those parties that's shitty and you're with like four or five people and you want to go off somewhere and do something else, but you want like two of the people not to leave with you, but you don't know how way to engage the other three.

[Brian Bishop]

And then you're almost there. And then Phil is like, hey, Paul, come on. You're like, ugh.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? So then I got. So then this one again. Everyone's trying to do their best. I am. So I said, all right. I said, but, you know, I'm coming home. Just set it out. It'll be a little warmer than room temperature because it started warm, it's wrapped in foil and it's sitting out. But anyway, then I said, and this happens. I feel way too much. There was a bag of chips that didn't seem. Seemed about half empty. And I said, where's the hot sauce? Where's the chimichurri?

[Giovanni]

The tapatio?

[Adam Carolla]

The tapatio, I love that. That baked stuff or that flame cooked pepper stuff. You know the stuff that's basically blackened. Yeah, yeah.

[Giovanni]

How about the actual hot sauce now?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Where's the salsa? And Olga gave me. Yeah, yeah, I think I forgot that one. I swear to God. That is half the run when you're getting chips and you're getting tacos and you're getting burritos and you come home empty in the hot sauce department.

[Giovanni]

Load up Fucking load up.

[Adam Carolla]

I just feel like it's way. Like it happens way too much. Way too much. And then I went into the other room, and the only thing that made me feel better is I said, lynette, what's up with the salsa? And she went like, I know, like, what kind of animal goes and doesn't come home with this? But. So now I got the burrito. And I love taking that roasted sauce and just kind of dumping it over Fire roasted pork. The fire roasted stuff? Yeah, just a one bite and then it gets another little sprinkle and the next bite and it's like, yeah, I don't have that. Then all of a sudden I went from, thanks for thinking of me to sort of perturbed. Nothing personal, but I just mean I think we gotta work this out because I'm gonna tell my kids. You're gonna have a lifetime of being disappointed by people who bring home shit for you. It's gonna be a lot of tons of. I mean, it was. We were shooting about a week ago and I said to somebody, it was like noon. I said, what are we doing for lunch? And somebody said, oh, they're going to the chicken joint. They're going to Armenian chicken joint. Zancou. Yeah, they're going to Zancou.

[Giovanni]

That's a local place.

[Adam Carolla]

Then me and a Guy had a 20 minute conversation about the creamy garlic. And the part where you break off a piece of the white meat and you just swipe it like a playing card into peanut butter into this creamy garlic they give and all that kind of thing. Oh, yeah. And then when there's a little skin hanging on and it gets a little bit. Creamy garlic. We did like 15 minutes on the creamy garlic. And then the guy came home, came back to the job site or the set with, you know, 10 sacks of zanku, tons of creamy garlic. Zero in the creamy garlic department. You're like, huh? And then the person's always like. The person's always like, from Louisiana. And the lowest person on the tomball, I will say this. This thing of taking the lowest person on the totem pole and sending them for lunch runs. I think this is backfiring on us as a society. This let's take. Cuz everyone else is kind of necessary. So you go, let's take the guy who gets $7 an hour and got put on academic probation at the junior college in Louisiana he was from and hitchhiked here. Let's send him on the lunch run. And that guy will fuck it up every time. He doesn't know. The creamy garlic over here. He doesn't know about the salsa.

[Giovanni]

That's local fair.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So I just feel like this happens more and more, more and more in my life. And we should just figure it out.

[Brian Bishop]

Now, the rules for takeout.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, like, number one, I never get a. I never get a beef burrito. I just get beef tacos every time. The only time I ever get a beef burrito is when Olga goes to get me something. Then she decides I want to be Frito. But I don't know what to base it. I don't know what anyone bases anything on other than, you know, what I get. And she's been privy to many an argument that has been. She should know, where's the rice and where's the beans? Like, just get them. Just go. Go get them. And then they'll just be here. And where's the salsa? And where are the salsa? And how come there's not any salsa? Like that move where you go to the Mexican food joint and come home. Salsa less.

[Giovanni]

Also, it's all about the accoutrement.

[Adam Carolla]

How about this? This doesn't exist either. I'm unpacking the shit. Oh, fuck. Where's the salsa? And I just see your ass running for the door with that sound. Just running. Just. Just sliding over the hood of your car like Starsky and Hutch. That place is four blocks away. Just fucking run and get some. Do you guys feel like you've been screwed by this way more than once?

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Giovanni]

On set. Need to make the announcement. I need someone towards the bottom. Not at the bottom. The very bottom. A local guy. Maybe someone who grew up in the LA area, the zip code. Like, you need to figure out somebody who's familiar and is towards the bottom.

[Brian Bishop]

And hey, err on the side of getting too much of everything from the.

[Adam Carolla]

Guy who pays for everything. When the guy who pays for everything says, just fucking. When in doubt, just get it. Get that side of whatever. Get that. Whatever salad. Get that Pinto or black beans. Get them both. Let's go. Sick. Like my gay friends say.

[Giovanni]

Yeah. Get the cilantro. Get the limes.

[Adam Carolla]

Get it all.

[Giovanni]

It's all there.

[Adam Carolla]

It'll never not be consumed by me. It will. The worst in the fridge overnight. Next day, gobbled up for lunch. So there's that. So I went from happy that the burrito was purchased on my behalf to no salsa. And it's coagulated in the fridge.

[Giovanni]

You're fighting a real uphill battle with the burrito, too. Once it gets past 10 minutes past cooking. Because, yes, the salsa and the guacamole and the lettuce are cold. Once they sit with the beans and the meat and the blah, blah, blah, they all become the same kind of medium temperature. And then you're there. Like, do I heat this up a little bit? I mean, it's all. At that point. It's a lot.

[Adam Carolla]

And the flour tortilla cannot handle the moisture or the heat.

[Giovanni]

It's a poor substrate.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. The corn tortilla, much more durable. The steak tacos can sit around in that little snap lid thing with the clear plastic on it. They can sit around for four hours, be reanimated. Plus the thing about the steak tacos, which is what I order every single time, it's a part that's always weird to me. Like, it's. So.

[Brian Bishop]

Thank you for doing me this favor. That makes me feel like you have no idea who I am.

[Adam Carolla]

But I always want to know. Like, why would you? Why wouldn't you just. You only know one thing, so why not that? Why something else? But the tacos, you can. You don't have to pour the salsa on. You don't have to have the. You can pick off little bits, put it in the. Just the beef and the tortilla, zap it in the microwave, and then sprinkle your shit on the top. Burrito is major, major. Get out the rib spreader.

[Brian Bishop]

See, here's what I think this is like. I imagine if someone were to give you a blowjob and all they did was get close to your genitals and just blow on them, like, eventually you'd wish they'd just get their head out of there because it's more annoying than anything.

[Adam Carolla]

Yep.

[Brian Bishop]

That's what these favors are like sometimes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yep. I'd be like, dude, move on. Mustache is tickling me. All right. I love Olga, but. Okay. All right. So anyway, I stood there. I showed her. I stood in the kitchen next to her and ate the burrito and powder. You know what I mean?

[Brian Bishop]

Lesson learned. Point taken.

[Giovanni]

Sure could go for some salsa on this burrito. The nobody.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, look, to be fair to all those fucking stores, I know there's nothing in it for them, but, you know, when you leave the locker room at Notre Dame says, play like champions, and everyone slaps it. Salsa, big question mark over the door of every one of those Mexican food places, and you have to fucking slap it.

[Giovanni]

Slap it on the way out.

[Adam Carolla]

If you don't slap it, the door won't open. You'll all be locked in. Save A ton of fucking domestic abuse and arguments. How many arguments, how many just domestic based arguments have there been about the. Where's the. You know, fill in the blank. There's a Chinese version of this where you get the. You get the pork. Pork lo mein. It's not the pork lo mein. It's like, you know, where it actually, you pour it in and make a little burrito out of it. The mushrooms with the moo shu pork. You know the moo shu pork and the moo shu chicken.

[Giovanni]

Like the lettuce wrap?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they're like that, but it's like a Chinese tortilla. They come with a Chinese tortilla. It's fantastic. Except for when they don't have the mushu sweet plum sauce.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yeah, no, fucking horrible. Yeah, that makes it.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I tell you how many of those arguments have been gotten into over.

[Brian Bishop]

The last untold numbers?

[Adam Carolla]

Right? You just need that. You know what? All that shit needs to come in a separate bag that's clearly marked. Because the problem is you take out the big bag and it's like sweet and sour. Got the dumplings, got the lo mein, we got the mushu. Where's this? There is no greater first world problem than that moment where it starts to sink in. Like, we're like, is there another bag? No, that's it. As things are getting spread out around the kitchen counter is, do you have the mushu sauce? No, it's not a. Oh, there's that, there's. Then there's hope against hope. I bet they put it in the container and you pop the lid first.

[Giovanni]

The idea is like, it might not be here. Then it's immediately like, no, no, it's got, it's gotta.

[Adam Carolla]

It's gotta be. It's gotta be. And now it's mushu misery. Mush is a me shizaree. I tell you, the fucking mushu is. It is. I would say in terms of what. But what it is to what it could be. It is down about 50% when you get rid of that sweet plum sauce. Because now it's just a bunch of shredded up pork, which is still good and cabbage, but it's like a dry burrito.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it needs it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, had that. I have a chutney version of this, an Indian chutney version of this. Where the, where's the thing? And there's that. There's that tandoori chicken, which is dried and shitty, but when you dip it into the. You dip it in the peanut sauce or the chutney. But, ah, someone's really gotta do it.

[Brian Bishop]

I bet there's a Greek food version of this.

[Adam Carolla]

Is this part of a conspiracy where they save X amount of millions of dollars every year by the folks that unwittingly walk out minus a condiment, big condiment. You know what I'm saying? Like, if they really wanted you to.

[Brian Bishop]

Have it, right, they would put up that sign that says salsa question mark.

[Adam Carolla]

And you had to slap it to get the door open. Like one of those handicap plunges to get the door open.

[Brian Bishop]

I know what they're doing either way.

[Adam Carolla]

I love Olga, but come on, sweetie, with the hot sauce.

[Brian Bishop]

How often do people forget ketchup? I wonder? I feel like that one is not forgotten.

[Adam Carolla]

Ketchup is almost free and is thus thrown in. They throw it in. They don't usually even ask you. They just grab a handful, there's a bucket of it, and they just throw it in there. So that one. But ironically, it's the only one you have at home, right? Yeah, the chutney. You don't have the good fresh salsa. You don't have all the whatever, Greek whatever. You don't have the mushu stuff. You don't have that. The one that you do have is the one. And that's why you don't notice when it gets forgotten. If you bring home burgers and fries.

[Giovanni]

Well, you've conquered the steer it or clear it issue now with the street signs, at least out here in California. Maybe you should focus your efforts next on getting us all on the same page for takeout orders. I mean, society's next great ill is really what you should focus on, I think.

[Adam Carolla]

Ultimately, here's how it works. Whoever is going on the run will get whatever it is they like and air on that side. It's sort of like music. If you just tell somebody, hey, I'm having a party, just pick some music out and play. Well, guess whose music you're gonna hear? Whatever they're into, that's kind of what you're gonna hear. So the fact that I think old guy's a beef burrito chick and I'm the beef taco dude, it always airs. If she was a beef taco chicken, that's what I would end up with. Yes. All right, so much to talk about. Let's see. Ah, Squarespace. That's right. All in one platform. Makes it fast and easy to create your own professional website. Beautiful designs, styles, and options. And you get a unique website for your business. Easy to use. It's easy. But if you need a little help, they have an incredible team and they're ready to serve you. 24, seven. Or we like to say 2510. Or do we go up to 30?

[Giovanni]

You're rounding it up to 2510 at this point. You can go higher.

[Adam Carolla]

Stick it. 2510 starts, by the way, just eight bucks a month. Includes free domain name. If you sign up for a year, you can get a free trial, no credit card required. Start building your website today. Use the offer code Carolla 2. That's Corolla, the number two. You get 10% off your first purchase and you support the show Squarespace. Everything you need to create an exceptional website. All right, had this guy yesterday, was working out by the airport filming this new show I'm working on. Did the running late morning, kind of, I'm going to pull a U turn kind of move. Do you guys know this humongous pussy? There's the person you cut off doing whatever move you're doing, and you get the horn honk, which I completely understand. There's that move where you go, oh, fuck, I'm in a rush. Also, you really, you know, you should. You know what cars should have. Not that people wouldn't abuse it, but. But I want cars to have like, what cabs have on top working, you know, like occupied, you know, like when they're on duty, so to speak. Because I'm hightailing it through downtown LA on Saturday and I'm pulling a U turn. I'm doing this, but I'm working. Like, I'm going to work. I'm not going to the park to molest kids. That'll be after.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, that's a Sunday activity.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm in different kinds of things. This is Saturday. This is work day on a totally different sign. But. But I'm working and thus I'm paying taxes on my Saturday. I've chosen to work a Saturday. And guess who's gonna benefit from it all you, who live in the city.

[Brian Bishop]

It's a secular ambulance siren. It's a poor choice of wording, but to let people know that, hey, something's on fire, so to speak.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And so I did this. And again, the biggest push. Now, I understand when you do that move where you cut somebody off or whatever and they honk at you. But again, if we did the work thing, I feel like I'd give a little birth to that guy. Right?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, sort of. Like, you know, when we were at the airport recently, a couple really tall people. That has nothing to do with it, but I just noticed that they were both like 6ft tall. One was a woman. They're like, sorry, our flight's in five minutes. And they just, like, rush to the front of security. But it's totally okay when that happens.

[Adam Carolla]

On the back of the work sign that goes on top of your car. Like the Domino's triangle thing or whatever would be the going to the airport.

[Giovanni]

I gotcha.

[Adam Carolla]

Pull up. Pull out of the way, or baby.

[Brian Bishop]

About to be born.

[Giovanni]

Footnote. Isn't it nice that that's one of the last things in society that does not get abused? The oh, my flight's in five minutes, and I go to the front of the security line. I feel like I rarely see that once in a while, but it's nice that that has not fallen away of. Gotta get through this line.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, like Disneyland and, you know, faking her in a wheelchair. So anyway, here's the colossal puss. I have to hang a U turn. And I hang a U turn, not endangering anyone or cutting anyone off, but I get the guy behind me who gives the, hey, you did something wrong. Honk like, I'm gonna tell Mama. Like, ooh, yeah, that Honk like, hey, what are you doing? That's what it should be. Ooh, ooh, ooh. I'm gonna tell Mama. All I'm saying is. Colossalpus. What the fuck? Like, really, like, you didn't get cut off. You just. You need me to acknowledge that. You're acknowledging that I did something that was against the letter of the law. Thank you, asswipe.

[Brian Bishop]

God, I hate that person.

[Adam Carolla]

They're so fucking lucky. I'm always in a hurry.

[Giovanni]

Thank God he's on point.

[Brian Bishop]

Or else you'd what?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know what the fuck I'd do. I'd throw the half of my coagulated bean burrito at them.

[Giovanni]

The cold half.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. I was listening to this Tom Sizemore thing, and I thought you guys probably all heard about it, talking about Clinton and Liz Hurley and all that kind of stuff.

[Giovanni]

I have not. So fill me in.

[Adam Carolla]

I didn't know. I was just sort of. I was on the radio while I was kind of showering and shaving kind of thing running out the door. But it was very specific. And I always say specifics. That's usually. Usually you can tell when people are lying. That's why. And by the way, if you want to do good improv, you do specifics. You don't go, I was holding a soda. You're saying I was holding a Fresca. It just makes it better when you're telling A story. It always makes it better. So Sizemore. Now, also, I don't know where you guys come down on this, too, but I was thinking about this. He told a story about his ex girlfriend, Liz Hurley, who I'm in love with. I mean, there's. There's a beautiful woman, and then you got the British accent and all that kind of stuff. But I didn't know she dated Sizemore, but I don't remember that part. But either way, he was explaining a story about talking to Bill Clinton and setting up Clinton with Liz Hurley. And it was wildly specific. And then later on, I think the next day or something, he said it was just all a lie. Like, I was high. But tell me where you guys come down on the. I was high. Like, in a court, in a courtroom, if someone was a junkie or someone was an alcoholic or somebody even in, like, oh, smoked a ton of marijuana or something, well, you can't listen to a thing he says. I feel like you can. Like, I feel like.

[Brian Bishop]

I remember in college, this guy that I liked while on mushrooms was flirting heavily with me, and that was a big topic of conversation for the next couple days. Can someone fake it doesn't even make sense why he would. But, like, do mushrooms bring out how someone really feels, or do they make them act in a different way?

[Giovanni]

In mushroom veritas, like in vina veritas.

[Adam Carolla]

I think, you know, mushroom's kind of an extreme one, like peyote mushrooms and acid and things like that.

[Brian Bishop]

I was determined that he really liked me.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, look, look, he doesn't. Not, not like you.

[Brian Bishop]

I mean, nothing ever happened between us. But that's probably just because he was intimidated by me.

[Adam Carolla]

But when. When people, like, I understand when people are, well, you were 12ft tall to him, like the. Like Alice in Wonderland. I understand, like, when people go, this guy was a junkie, and then they link it to my car stereo was missing. Like, that part I get when there's some sort of tangible connection to. He needed money. Like, okay, sold his story to the Hollywood Report, the National Enquirer, because junkie, blah, blah, blah. Then you go, okay, to me, that's a direct line. Okay, he's a junkie, needed drug money, made up a story, sold it to the Inquirer, got his money, got his drugs. But when you just take everybody and you go, oh, that person used drugs or was drunk, so you can't listen to a word they say. I feel like half the conversations I've had with people have either been drunk or they've Been drunk or both.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, yeah. No, I think that people who use substances lie to manipulate people, but if there's no upside to the lie, then I don't think that oughta. I don't think it's as simple as you can't believe a word they say.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, if anything, I think more truth has come out from drunken people. For instance, at Christmas parties, going up to people who maybe they shouldn't go up to and go, listen, man, I don't want to say anything, but remember when the vending machine was fucked up and, you know, and then just going on and telling some bullshit story about stealing their lunch from the refrigerator or something like that or whatever it is. If anything, it kind of brings it out anyway. Sizemore is telling the story about Clinton in Hurley, and it sort of makes sense, but we can just listen to the specifics of it. I met Bill Clinton when I did Saving Private Ryan. These are the lengths I want to.

[Alison Rosen]

Help keep him out of it.

[Adam Carolla]

Saving Private Ryan. I think, okay, this is a true story. When I met Bill Clinton and I had practiced.

[Brian Bishop]

And he goes, he sounds like Rob Ford.

[Adam Carolla]

You want to see the Lincoln Bedroom? He's like that. I went, like I said, is that where Kennedy's chair is? He went, as a matter. And he was. As a matter of fact, it is. Let's go. So we're going down the hallway and the Secret Service guy's behind us. Before we go any further and I incriminate myself anymore, you're a Democrat, right? You're not from a Ken Starr, are you? I said, I'm just a dumb fucking actor from New York. He goes, good. Are you a truth telling actor? And I went, depends on what you're asking me. Did you live Elizabeth early for four years? Yes, I have. Yes, I did. He went, do you still see her? I said, no. He went, you got her number, don't you? I went, yeah, I do. As soon as we get in the room, he takes his phone out, he goes, give it to me. And I went. He goes, look, just like this. He goes, what do I explain to her?

[Alison Rosen]

How am I going to tell her? What am I talking to you about? I'm gonna say that I asked you.

[Adam Carolla]

About your dad's brother, Ted Seismer, who played professional baseball. That's the lie. Don't forget it. Wait, hold on. Is that what he's gonna tell? Is that what he's gonna say to Hillary? That lie part makes sense. Yeah. This is edited down from nine minutes, so it's a little. We had to whack down to about three. So first you go, what the fuck? Was Sizemore hanging out with Clinton? And you go, well, he's doing Saving Private Ryan, all right? There's a movie he was in. And then you could see him wanting to show that at the White House or whatever. Now, I put them together, like, in my mind, fine. And. Okay, dated Liz Hurling. She's, especially at the time, just one of the most beautiful women in the planet. And then you get into these little specifics, like, what were we talking about Tom Sizemore, when you and I walked away from the party for an hour? We're talking about Ted Sizemore, your uncle, or whoever played for the Cincinnati. Whoever's. Or whatever he played for. All right? We're having a baseball conversation. That'll be it. All right? So. So give me your number. Maybe I should ask her if I can give. He said. He gave me a look, a withering look. He went, you mother.

[Giovanni]

You dumb motherfucker.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm not.

[Alison Rosen]

He made it funny for me. What do you call himself?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm the. I'm the chief. Commander in chief. I'm the commander in chief of the United States of America.

[Giovanni]

The buck stops here.

[Adam Carolla]

Give me your goddamn number right now. This makes it. This makes it all different.

[Alison Rosen]

If I give it to him, it.

[Adam Carolla]

Makes it more interesting. And I gave him the number, and.

[Alison Rosen]

He punched in his phone.

[Giovanni]

He called her right in front of me.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's hope she picks up. Just like that. Just like a kid would. Just like a man would go, she picks up. See, it's one of those specific things. It doesn't add, Elizabeth, this is your commander in chief. She goes, tom, stop playing. Stop playing in.

[Alison Rosen]

Because she recognized.

[Adam Carolla]

He goes, how you know it's Tom? And he goes, listen, listen, Elizabeth, this is the President. I don't have any time for this shit. I'm keeping the world from nuclear war all the time. She said, I can be ready in an hour. He goes, you can't go to lax. You gotta go. It's called Bob Hope. It used to be called Bob, isn't it? Bob Hope? She gets a hold on one stop. It's one of those, like, specific things that you wouldn't put in the story when you're making the story up. Like, you just go, can you be on a flight? Yeah, I can be on a flight in an hour. Next thing you know, they wouldn't be like, you can't go to lax. Go to Bob Hope Airport. That's not what you put into your story when you're telling the story whenever there's neither here nor there information in the story.

[Brian Bishop]

It's also not really out of character for Hollywood, for Clinton.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the problem. And Liz Hurley is one of the most beautiful women on the planet. So if somebody was kind of doing this and hanging out in a room with the guy who dated her for four years and he went like, oh, I'm not dating her anymore. Yeah, since almost kind of makes sense. All right, so not lax. Going to Burbank Airport. So we have a reception. While we're at the reception, I see her. No, Bill would. Tom. That door opens and it's Elizabeth. And she goes to me and Clinton. I see her on the corner and I go like this. Like, what about me? It's the first time we saw her. She goes. And she goes, it was such a classy move. It was a classy move. She called me Tommy T. She went. She had a dress on. And she went.

[Giovanni]

No one can see her but us.

[Adam Carolla]

Me and the president, Kyle. And then I asked, who's the guy over there? He goes, my associate pimp. Don't ask too many questions. Secret Service guy. And then she puts her dress up like that, and the guy reaches around her, takes the top of the door, throws it shut, and it shuts like this and goes. And then it stops. Closes real closely.

[Alison Rosen]

And Bill turns to me and goes.

[Adam Carolla]

I owe you one. He banged her. What do you think? She was there for four days. All right, is that it? Now, what about the part where they went out for a year? Is that on there? And they dated for a year, and then he broke up with her because he said he was falling in love.

[Giovanni]

That's after that, but I chopped it off.

[Adam Carolla]

But, yeah, he talks about how they hold up. Find that part, would you, please? I'll hang the extra 20 for that, if you got that. All right, so then Sizemore, I guess we can find the story. But the next day, Sizemore just came out, went like that, made it all up. But it doesn't sound like he made that up. Sounds like somebody talked to him. And then he said he made it all up. Sounds like he wanted out.

[Giovanni]

Just the kind of guy you'd want if that story got out. You'd want it to get out via Tom Sizemore or someone of his ilk. Because now we're all having the conversation of, well, can you believe people everywhere having the conversation? Can you believe a guy like Tom Sizemore, a junkie or whatever, as opposed to if Al Gore had come out with this story, it'd be different, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

Sure, yeah. No, that's my whole thing. It's like one guy's addicted to drugs, the other guy's addicted to sex. That's my problem. It's one junkie against literally junk E. Mm. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

There's nothing salacious enough for that to have been made up. It doesn't make sense that it was.

[Adam Carolla]

No, it sounds like a guy who is a drug addict who was talking about something that happened. It. I'm sure Sean Penn has a thousand drunken stories that are probably true or close enough. You know what I'm saying? That sounded very specific to me. And again, Bill Clinton said to him.

[Giovanni]

You just got Madonna. Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Later on in the story, they went out for a year. Really? Yeah, Gary, I wouldn't include that next time. It went out for a year and then he dumped her.

[Brian Bishop]

Are we just gonna gloss over Bob Bryan's pretty spot on impression?

[Adam Carolla]

Solid.

[Brian Bishop]

I know you do Jack Silver, but I didn't know that you do Clinton.

[Giovanni]

Anything with sort of a strained voice. It's my sweet spotner, Jack Silver.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Giovanni]

No, I don't do. That was a tell her how much.

[Adam Carolla]

You loved Austin Powers.

[Giovanni]

No, you know what? That's one. I did one good one. I'll never do another good one again. That was again his one shot to pinch hit in the major league than actually hitting a ground rule double. I'm not an impressionist.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, fine.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, we got a phone call or two here. Gary will find that. Because I found that. I found the year part kind of an interesting and then the breakup part kind of interesting, which again is not part of the story you would tell. If you were telling the story, you just go, I call my old girlfriend over and she fucked the shit out of Bill Clinton. But you wouldn't keep going. It'd be end of story. You wouldn't do things like airport changes if you heard of it.

[Giovanni]

Calling it Bob Hope Airport is strange because everyone just calls it Burbank and.

[Adam Carolla]

Saying, have you heard of this Bob Hope Airport again? It's like if you're riding this, you'd crash that out and go, look, he called her, said, when can you be on the next flight? Next thing you know, she walks through the front door along with more people.

[Brian Bishop]

I mean, I would go, orgy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, all right. Gary will find that. And I'll give a little love to one of our sponsors. Proflowers, baby. Valentine's Day is coming up. What is it this Friday?

[Brian Bishop]

It is.

[Adam Carolla]

Ah, that's right. Proflowers. These guys. 100 blooms of love with a free glass vase, $19.99. Or you can upgrade for just $19.99 more. Ultimate blooms of love. And you get the premium vase, gourmet chocolates, teddy bear spa kit. Put that teddy bear right in the spa and let him. Oh, yeah. No, separate. That's right, it's a teddy bear. Doesn't need a spa every day. Just spa day for a teddy bear. Come on now, Ace, man. That's right. Quick, easy delivery on Valentine's Day. Guaranteed. I love this part. Guaranteed delivery on Valentine's Day. It's going to last. Guarantee it's going to last seven days. By the way, those flowers. Put the little chimichurri sauce in there. Last stuff olga forgot lasts seven days at least. Go to proflowers.com, click on the blue microphone, top right hand corner. Support the show. Type in Ace order today. Deal expires Tuesday at midnight. All right. Do we have that little snippet? Yeah. She continued to see him for over a year. I'm not joking.

[Alison Rosen]

Yet at a certain point, he told.

[Adam Carolla]

Her, I don't do love. And I'm beginning to think I might love you. This is the sad part. Like, he sees. Why he sees so many women is that he'll start to see a woman.

[Alison Rosen]

As soon as he starts to have some type of feelings for her, he stops, because that's when it gets messy. And all these women he sees, like Jennifer Flowers, all of them.

[Adam Carolla]

None of them told on him. No one told on him.

[Alison Rosen]

Even Monica didn't tell him. No.

[Adam Carolla]

She never admitted. But remember, it was the drift. Sperm on it. Well, think about it. All the lovers that guys had. Well, now you got it.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't do love. And I think I might love you.

[Adam Carolla]

What a good line, but incredibly specific. My fiance, Daniel, something you would, like, never really claim to know because it'd be a year or something later, he would have had to talk to Liz Hurley. But either way, this came out. Then the next day, he went like, ah, made it all up.

[Brian Bishop]

All asshole guys out there who are trying to break something off but have sex, like five more times. Use that line.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah.

[Giovanni]

I don't do love, but I think.

[Brian Bishop]

I might love you.

[Giovanni]

That's tough after three years in a relationship. But it's a good line. It's a very good line.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. All right. I feel like this had to have happened.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yeah. That's my sense, too.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And then somebody called and said, hillary's running for precedent, so shut the Fuck up. And he went, sorry. And he just said, but again, it's that the guy's a junkie. Was a junkie or drug addict. So you just can't. For me, it's quite the contrary. Which is we wouldn't have got this story out of him if he was sober.

[Giovanni]

True.

[Adam Carolla]

This is one of those. I'm high as a kite, flapping my lips.

[Giovanni]

Thanks, drugs.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you, drugs.

[Giovanni]

And also this really helps Clinton's reputation a lot because his track record started crass. Allison. But if you look at the girls, the quality of the other Paula Jones's of the world, and I think Jennifer Flowers personalities they may have, but Jennifer Flowers was the leader in the clubhouse. And now Elizabeth Hurley is far and away of the ones we know.

[Brian Bishop]

Of the ones we know. Yeah. I mean, I was anyone else slightly surprised that she was like, I can be ready in an hour. Someone of her beauty you think would take three hours to get ready. That's not what I'm saying.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I don't know that you do much better than a 27 year old Liz Hurley.

[Brian Bishop]

Chubby girls are always down to fuck.

[Adam Carolla]

Like in the looks department. For me. No, I know exactly what you're saying. I'm just kind of. I'm saying I'm commenting on Brian's 1. Like that, top of the leaderboard. And yes, whole new respect for man. And if I were porking Liz Hurley for a year and then broke it off with her and then Sizemore tried to deny it, I'd have him killed. I then grabbed the microphone, wrestling out of his hand and be like, hey, no, listen, he was telling the truth. No, vote for my wife. But. But I was. I should know. I was fucking Liz Hurley. Yeah. And by the way, like anybody, I.

[Brian Bishop]

Mean, who thinks that he and Hillary have a great relationship at this point? There's no one.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, look, maybe they have the ultimate relationship.

[Brian Bishop]

Sorry, who thinks he and Hillary have a monogamous, traditional relationship at this point?

[Adam Carolla]

Nobody. Maybe they have. Maybe they're the greatest, like working power duo. Yeah. Ever. You know, maybe they're the Donny and Marie of politics. Like they weren't fucking hardly ever.

[Brian Bishop]

Or maybe never special occasions.

[Adam Carolla]

Maybe never. I don't know. The Mormon religion. All I'm saying is this. They hooked up together and they went, we can make a ton of money and sell a ton of shit if we just kind of stay together and people see us together. And we might hate each other's guts or we might not have. You know, the passion may be gone from our Brother, sister, relationship.

[Brian Bishop]

What really ruins a marriage?

[Adam Carolla]

Love. Yeah, well, you think about all the. He's picking out cakes or taffeta, like, what are you doing right now? No, it puts pressure. Like, I don't feel like Hillary Clinton feels any pressure in this relationship she's.

[Brian Bishop]

To work out, you mean?

[Giovanni]

What I'm saying is she's playing with house money.

[Adam Carolla]

She's 66, and she doesn't feel like she has to get her varicose veins taken care of because Bill the spark is gone or whatever. Or, you know, he's in Barbados for three days, and when he says there's a golf vacation, I wonder if he's. I wonder if he's catting around, you know, getting with, like, she just going, like, fuck it. We're just. We're together. We have an arrangement.

[Brian Bishop]

You stay in your wing, I'll stay in mine.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Yeah. I have a closet. That's an endless corridor of pants, Pantsuits that I can wear.

[Brian Bishop]

I have 12,000 cans with shoulder pads in it.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right. And we're done. But we don't have to go through the messy divorce. It doesn't have to all get out there and, you know, three times a year, you put your arm around mine, I'll put my arm around yours, and we'll walk down a red carpet together.

[Brian Bishop]

We should all be so lucky.

[Adam Carolla]

Look, maybe they know something. All right, a couple calls real quick. We got some baldiwood. AJ's here. Charles, 38, Mississippi. Yeah. How you doing? What's going on, man? What's wondering about change of careers between a chef and a computer programmer? Mm. All right, which one are you now? Right now I'm a chef and I want to do a computer programmer because I fucking hate what I do right now. Well, here's the problem with chef. Yeah, chef could mean works at Denny's, you know, cooking up omelets. Or it could mean works at, you know, some five star bistro. So what? What? Which one are you? I'm high end, but I fucking hate it because of the hours and the BS that goes along with it. All right.

[Giovanni]

Is a cool job. There's a lot of shitty stuff that goes along with it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So you want to get it? You want to get into computers? Yeah, because right now I'm. What originally happened was as I started years ago. Hold on, what is just in your fantasy world, you hook up with a girl or guy. X profession used to be a fill in the blank chef or AV guys, guy. Like, did all. Did whole house systems.

[Giovanni]

This is A question for the ladies.

[Adam Carolla]

Men or ladies? Men. Men. Or.

[Alison Rosen]

Or.

[Adam Carolla]

Or ladies. Like, this person used to either be a tech that did computers and, like, they were the person that would get your computer and your home, whatever system, and you could walk throughout your house and put every show that was on one TV on every tv. Or if you did this with the stroke of the thing and the mouse, you could see every camera and the security system in the house. You're an apartment. Wait till you get into a house and you start fantasizing about that person.

[Brian Bishop]

That would really come in handy if you had one of those right next to you. Is that what you're saying? But Chef is a more, like, sexy kind of former job.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a little more daily. Like, it is a. This person loves to cook and is a whiz in the kitchen. That's more daily. But. But I'm telling you, that time when your fucking computer goes out or the direct dish is not working, or you're trying to play the disc and it's not doing the.

[Giovanni]

You make a great point, and that would be really valuable. Both good points. But Christy, my wife, is real foodie. She had a food blog. She loves to cook.

[Brian Bishop]

She's just fantasy, Brian.

[Giovanni]

What I'm saying is now I recognize that that is very, very, very handy, useful, wonderful. It's good for entertaining. It's good for our own daily lives. So. So the tech thing, that would be great, but you can at least get someone to come over and do that when it needs to be done.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm going to throw out one more because I'm [e-mail] financial whiz. Like, just did the taxes, handled the stuff.

[Brian Bishop]

Why can't we get a triple threat cooking Financial whiz who's also handy with av?

[Adam Carolla]

You'd come home and they'd just be sitting over their laptop and you'd be like, what do you work on? Well. Well, we just. I just got a. I just refinanced the condo. Saved us 1400 bucks a month. And then I'm taking that and rolling it over into an ira. I'm just saying. And don't. Taxes. Done and done.

[Giovanni]

God damn.

[Adam Carolla]

You're going out. Everything can be written off. Just smarter. Sharp doesn't do it anymore.

[Brian Bishop]

I just lost my erection. That's not working for me.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, Chef. Financial whiz or AV person.

[Giovanni]

For me, it's financial whiz. Barely over Chef. Chef was very handy. But financial is. If everything goes right, then you're. You have to worry about you can hire a chef.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. All right. Yeah, I'm going financial wiz, too, Charles. Yep. Go financial whiz. Go take a whiz financially. All right, I do the computer thing. Look, look. All right, he's 38.

[Giovanni]

Would he have to go back to school for the computer thing, or did he dive into it?

[Adam Carolla]

Here's what I want to say to everybody.

[Giovanni]

It's an important distinction.

[Adam Carolla]

Agreed. But I'm not going to go back to him and ask everybody. Get yourself all aligned and all in tune and have your compass face true north and you're divining rod work. Have everything in you lined up and working. And then when the questions of life come around of, am I asking too much? Am I being fair, am I being unfair? I feel like I want out of this relationship, but I don't know if I'll find somebody else or maybe I'm out of line asking this or saying this. I'm a chef. I trained to be a chef, but I don't feel like I want to do it anymore. But I want to do computing, but I feel like I'm 38 and I don't want to. Once you get yourself all lined up, then every question in life is easily answered. And here's the answer. I want to do this. Now, when you're Tom Sizemore and you're high and you want to do something, maybe you shouldn't do it. But when you're all lined up and you're balanced really nicely and you say, I don't think I want to marry this person, or I do think I want to marry this person, or even though everyone says I'm nutrition because I have this great career and there's all these benefits, that's not what I want to do. I want to do something else. So I'm going to quit my job.

[Brian Bishop]

But let me just ask this, though.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

Do you think that no matter what, there's always going to be a bit of, this is my job, and today I don't feel like going to it, but I have to anyway.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? But that's all part of your alignment. When you're perfectly aligned, you'll know the difference between, oh, it's Monday and the alarm's going off, of course you don't feel like getting out of bed. Or, of course, today's the day when they do employee evaluations. And of course you want to just get in a fetal position versus Friday afternoon when you're feeling pretty good about your job, driving home, looking at a long weekend. But part of the alignment is going. What is this really meaning but knowing.

[Brian Bishop]

What to expect out of life.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. It's like maybe you're deeply in love with someone, but you're arguing over a fucking burrito.

[Brian Bishop]

You're in love with Olga.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, deeply. But I'm not getting divorced or firing Olga because of this. Because I understand. I'm not living in the burrito moment. I'm not. I am as fiery as the jalapeno peppers that she fucking left at the Chipotle. But let's be calibrated here. And when you're well calibrated. Yeah. Everyone has those days when want to not show up to work or want to not do this, or has a pause and hesitation. Should I do this, should I do that? But when you're well calibrated, you pause, you examine it, and then you step forward. Or you don't. But you don't have to call me and ask my opinion. You're calibrated. Everyone's calibrated. And we never discussed that as human beings. It should be. One of the only things we do discuss is knowing. And this job I'm not going to continue with because I don't want to or because I want out of this. It's always asking Dear Abby and giving advice and what's Dr. Phil have to say about it? And I shouldn't complain because I made a living dispensing that kind of advice. But it would be nice if we talked a little more about the calibration, sort of internal calibration, which is something that never really comes up. Clayton. Hey, how's it going? 21 Ohio. What's going on? Love you guys. Adam, Bald Allison. You guys are all great. Oh, shit. It's late. AJ's here. Hurry. I. The question I have for you guys is I am in. I go to school to Ohio State. I'm in my third year and I'm a journalism major. But I have job offers. I've had them here and there. And I've done freelance writing. And I have an offer. I interned with the company out in Los Angeles, and they want me there. They said, whenever you can. I don't need to get the degree. And I'm wondering, I'm kind of at a crossroads. Should I go $100,000 into fucking debt for journalism degree?

[Brian Bishop]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

Or.

[Brian Bishop]

I worked as a journalist. I worked as a journalist for years. I majored in English. I did not go to journalism school. If you have a writing is. It's a writing job that you can get out here.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, yeah, I have. I have freelance. I was, I guess you guys are gonna notice, doing some freelance stuff with them and just blogging for a company. And new media. Look, I've hired tons of writers. All you ever see is a submission. We'd have guys from Harvard and Yale, but if their submissions sucked, we didn't give a shit. We'd have guys from a junior college, but if their submission cracked us up, then they were in. Or they could play softball. That was the criteria at the man show. So ultimately, it's about. About your work. Most work I found this is comedy writing. But most writing, when someone will go show me something you've written, they won't go and staple it to your degree. Everyone thinks I'm insane. I swear to God, I'm going to save $100,000. I'm going to tell Dr. Drew to tell my kids. They went to Amherst, load them down with the Lord Jeffs. Name a couple of streets in a local pizza joint that everyone hung out with. In case anyone at a party ever went to Amherst, it really starts pressing on them. Just all you have to do is go three questions deep and you're good.

[Brian Bishop]

But honestly, in my entire life of getting jobs, no one has ever asked me where I went to college.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll take it a step further. No one's ever asked to see my high school diploma. And I've had a hundred jobs. I happen to have jobs that don't require high school diplomas. For good and for bad, podcasting. But when I was swinging a hammer, it only held you back. That's right. Oh, look at Poindexing. Look at him.

[Giovanni]

Okay, professor, whatever you say.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, when I was cleaning carpets. Well, let's see if the genius can get this gravy out of the shag with a giant forehead of yours. All right, one last one. And Mike. Hello, Cleveland, 29. What's going on? Hey, thanks for taking my call, guys. Yeah, yeah. Adam, you complain a lot about living in la. You know, it's got its issues with everything. I was wondering, if you could live in any American city and work wasn't a factor, where would you live? San Francisco's great. Portland's great. Seattle's great. Minneapolis. I mean, the winter's hellish, but Minneapolis, great. I'm mostly just bringing up cities that.

[Giovanni]

Like me, we have live shows coming up in.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, things like that. Vegas, you know. Irvine.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, specifically Irvine.

[Adam Carolla]

This week, I would live at the Treasure island in Irvine. You could do a lot worse. I mean, Treasure Island, Vegas. Sorry, off the top of my head. I just have to go. Seattle. You gotta love that's quite place.

[Giovanni]

Would you ever consider living in Hawaii? I mean retiring there? It's paradise after all.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. There's a part of me that always wants to go somewhere and if you just go to paradise and just sort of go, well, here I am, then maybe you'll lose a little fire on your belly. Yeah, that's true. Irvine this Thursday with Fitz dog Greg Fitzsimmons. Tax act baby. We're going to hear AJ's coming in in Baldiwood in just one second. Tax act filing, federal taxes. You don't need to hook up with that tax genius. You got taxact.com. it's easy, it's free. Guides you every step of the way. Start to finish, work on your computer, your tablet, your phone. Save money, get the maximum refund guaranteed. No restrictions. Taxact.com Federal taxes are free. Free to prepare, free to print, Free to E file. Go to taxact.com taxact.com Adam, do it today. Taxact.com ad Adam, you got this. All right. Baldywood and then A.J. mcLean's coming in.

[Giovanni]

Oh, you want to do Bollywood right now or we're going to break.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. Oh, we're doing it now. Bring AJ out. Yeah. Hooray for Baldywood. He will tell you if I move movies good. Brian will review the flicks that he's seen up on the big screen or in his Netflix queue. Before you spend bucks, remember his taste sucks. He loved that train wreck piece of shit. Transform us to hooray for Baldywood.

[Giovanni]

I'll keep it brief. August Osage county is still in theaters now. Came out late last year in time for Oscar season. This is directed by John Wells and written by Tracy Letts, based on his play. Meryl Streep's in this. She's up for best actress. Julia Roberts in this. She's up for best supporting actress. There's a really good actress named Julianne Nicholson who I did not know. I think she's. Oh, shit. I messed up the TV show. But she. People know her. I did not know her. She was great. Mew McGregor's great in this. Everyone's great. Chris Cooper, Juliette Lewis, Dermal.

[Adam Carolla]

I can't have it. I just can't summon the energy I put it in. Yes. Feels like homework. Yeah.

[Giovanni]

Benedict Cumberbatch, Abigail Breslin, who was little miss Sunshine. She's growing up and she's in this. And Sam Shepard, like I said, up for two Oscars. Okay, so I would compare this Movie.

[Adam Carolla]

To she's grown up as good. She's all grown up as creepy.

[Giovanni]

She's all grown up.

[Adam Carolla]

Just put all in front of grown up.

[Brian Bishop]

And yet it's true of people who are 60 as well.

[Adam Carolla]

That's true. Everyone.

[Brian Bishop]

They're all grown up.

[Adam Carolla]

Who passes basically 17 is all grown up. But when you put that all in there, it's super creepy.

[Giovanni]

Especially when you first knew her as a child, like in a movie, you know, I mean, like, she's all grown up. It's like, oh, it sounds like you've been waiting.

[Adam Carolla]

She's grown up means there's been a number of years since you've seen her last as a younger person in a younger role. She's all grown up means she's got titties now, right?

[Giovanni]

It's hard to ignore.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Yeah.

[Giovanni]

I would compare this movie. Okay, so you know how at the Major League baseball All Star game, they do the home run hitting contest beforehand?

[Adam Carolla]

The derby.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, the home run derby. This is like the acting version of the home run derby. Everyone gets a shot at the plate. Everyone steps up to the plate and has their moment, has their Oscar moment, and they're just mashing balls out of the park. And they're good. It's impressive. There's soliloquies and monologues and everyone has their moment. Big dramatic moment. Tears are involved, sometimes screaming, throwing plates. It's impressive. But after a while of nothing but home runs, you want to see him play a game. You want to see story. You want to see a game being played.

[Adam Carolla]

Picture being drawn here.

[Giovanni]

And Meryl Streep gets up the plate and she just puts everyone to shame.

[Adam Carolla]

She just.

[Giovanni]

She is the best on the screen. We all think of Meryl Streep as, oh, it's Meryl Streep. And everything she does is gonna get an Oscar nomination. Best movie I've seen her in in so many years. She's so fantastic. Tough movie to get through. And not a great movie because like I said, the story is. The reveals and the twists are kind of meh. But the acting is so great. Two very deserved Oscar nominations. I was actually kind of pleasantly surprised to see it.

[Adam Carolla]

Only Meryl, who's the other Julia Roberts.

[Giovanni]

It only has about 64% on rotten tomatoes, so not. Not a great movie.

[Brian Bishop]

Is it campy?

[Giovanni]

No, no, not at all. It's. It's a very serious play. It feels very dramatic and heavy and. And almost melodrama. It's. It's heavy. It's a two hour movie. That feels like it's about three. Oh, you may not want to run out and see it. If you love acting and you love good performances, this is a movie you should see here.

[Adam Carolla]

Steel dawn, here I come. Me and Swayze once again. See you tonight, my darling.

[Giovanni]

Cate Blanchett is minus 1200 on the betting sites for her Oscar. She's a prohibitive favorite. The only one who has better odds is Gravity.

[Adam Carolla]

To win best bid minus 1,200 means.

[Giovanni]

You would have to bet $1200 just to win 100.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Giovanni]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So 1200 sounds like an awful bet.

[Giovanni]

No one would do that. I mean, an off chance that she loses. I'm saying that she'll probably win, but it's not quite as open a shut as everyone's saying. Meryl Streep is so good in this that granted she's Meryl Streep and has been so, so honored in her life, it feels like she's been there before.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but she's not.

[Giovanni]

She's not open and shut like everyone says.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Blue Jasmine was Kate Blanchett. And there is a form of gambling for the super hardcore gambler. Back when Mike Tyson would be 25 to 1, but you just knew he's going to beat the tomato can. He was going up against free money.

[Giovanni]

Free 100 bucks.

[Adam Carolla]

You just fucking bet 10 grand and you make, you make 500 bucks. That's how you do it. Because it's guaranteed that it's going to win. It sounds insane to give away those kinds of odds, but like, you know when Oklahoma back in the day would be playing University of Pacific and they'd be, they'd be favored by 44 points. You just bet them and they win 64 to 3 and you go, fucking genius.

[Giovanni]

If someone's up for the Heisman and they're. The Jameis Winston is up for the Heisman, you're like, oh, this guy's certainly going to win this year. That's the kind of odds you want to lay.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

Anyhow, A plus for the acting, D plus for everything else. Let's meet in the middle and call it a B minus.

[Adam Carolla]

Hooray for Bounty War. Backstreet Boys. Over 130 million records sold. Best selling boy band in history, by the way, surpassing the Jackson 5. Did not know that. A.J. mcLean is here. We'll take a quick break. Be right back with him after this. AJ McLean here. Hello, I'm saying, right with say McLean. Right you are saying I said McLean.

[Alison Rosen]

Before, but I think, yeah, that's John McLean. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

That's.

[Alison Rosen]

That's Die Hard. I'm pretty. Pretty far from Die Hard.

[Adam Carolla]

AJ is here. Anvil iPhone road case is what he's referencing representing. Tell me about this thing.

[Alison Rosen]

Yeah, I actually partnered up with Anvil Cases a few months back, actually. Even though we've been using Anvil road cases with my band for the past, we've been a group now it'll be 21 years.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. In April, they do the heavy duty cases. When you're carrying recording equipment, microphones, things like that, bulletproof, waterproof stuff.

[Alison Rosen]

I mean, they're anyone for the last 60 years in rock and roll population, it doesn't matter what it is. Everyone knows Anvil cases, Right. So, yeah, we actually partnered up with them and we decided to make a mini rode case for your iPhone. So the same thing that's been protecting rock and roll since 1952 can now protect your mobile device. And we're also going to move into laptop cases, suitcases, luggage, backpacks, camera bags, iPad cases. All of them.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's smart because now everyone's traveling and everyone's bringing their devices and all the devices. Devices have a glass screen on them and they all have a crack. Like everyone at my house except for me.

[Brian Bishop]

And look how cool they look.

[Alison Rosen]

Yeah, I mean, they're. They look great. They're quad protected. So you've got four different levels of protection? Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yes.

[Alison Rosen]

Well, it does, actually. When you break it apart, there's three separate pieces, but because of the padding in the back, that makes it four.

[Adam Carolla]

But you put your iPhone in there and then it can take the drop.

[Alison Rosen]

It can take the drop, it can take the hit. And it just looks like you have this little mini, mini road case with you. So, like, if you're just a fan of rock and roll or a fan of any kind of music, and you go see a show and then you see the road cases either on stage, backstage, on the side of the stage. Now you can take one home and you can feel like you're your own.

[Giovanni]

Little personal road case.

[Brian Bishop]

I would want to put my phone loose in the back of a van and then have people load it out.

[Adam Carolla]

There you go.

[Alison Rosen]

This would be awesome to just do like a nice cell phone loadout and.

[Adam Carolla]

Have Jackson Brown write a song about it. Take that iPhone loadout. I will say this. My iPhone, mysteriously, the headphones work on them, but the speaker does not work. So I cannot talk into the speaker that's connected to the headphones or the earbuds. Right. Something's wrong. Anyway, I now for the last couple of days have been using it on the speaker, but the speaker sucks. And I found myself having to cheat and like hold it up to my head. But then I'm looking for cops all the time. And then I realized, you know, you should come out with signature series that has, let's see, probably shape, flesh colored, nice, had part of a nose on it.

[Alison Rosen]

There you go. And just kind of do this while you're talking to it.

[Adam Carolla]

And it would just wouldn't look like anything if a cop went zipping by. Because as it is, you see this big black thing in the hand and you know there's something.

[Alison Rosen]

Well, that's the other thing about it that I, that I just found out just, just by using it, that most people that don't have any kind of case on their iPhone, when they want to listen to some kind of music, they. They cup it, right? Your hand acts like a little speaker, right? But the way that this is set up, the acoustics that come out of it, when you play anything, it doubles the noise sound. So it just makes it sound like it's coming out of a little speaker. So that's an added bonus.

[Adam Carolla]

And by the way, these things will be available in spring, but you can pre order [e-mail] and they have a limited edition 300 of the signed ones that AJ is going to sign. Where I don't know why Lou Perlman's name came up the other day. I don't know where. We were here laughing on the road about it. It wasn't on the air, but. Is he in jail?

[Alison Rosen]

He is in jail for 25 years.

[Adam Carolla]

What did he do?

[Alison Rosen]

Basically it was from what we were told it was one of the biggest pyramid schemes ever. Or at least in the past 20 plus years, embezzling money, you know, basically he got way too greedy, you know, and we used to look up to him how much.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, that guy launched, you guys.

[Alison Rosen]

He launched us, NSync and a series of other boy bands. After both us and NSYNC kind of took off, he just kept going.

[Adam Carolla]

So he made kajillions of dollars.

[Alison Rosen]

He did. And unfortunately, when we signed the actual contracts initially with him back in the day, we were all young, naive kids. I was 14. I was the actual very first Backstreet Boy in 92, when the group formed in 93. But we all signed these fucking contracts and everything and we don't realize lose 1/6 of the group. So now anything I go out there and bust my ass for, he's gonna make as well. So we put money aside that was his, put it in this escrow account. We had to settle with him, pay him out. And then shortly thereafter, they found him somewhere in Thailand. And the next day, I saw the local color. Yeah, he was about as white as a ghost with a permanent sweater, so he definitely was not blending in very well. But, yeah, I saw the freaking news thing on the very, very.

[Adam Carolla]

Was he there going after the young boys?

[Alison Rosen]

I don't know what he was doing there. I don't know if he's, like, hiding out or what, but I know that.

[Adam Carolla]

Looks like just a local Thai when he's villager.

[Alison Rosen]

Yeah, he definitely doesn't blend very well, but.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, probably.

[Alison Rosen]

And he just has that look. That was the photo that I saw. And the look on his face to me still to this day is like.

[Adam Carolla]

So, well, can I. Like, so what do you think? So, couple. Couple of questions then. Does he like the young boys? And if he did, did he ever make a move on you or anyone? You know, he never made a move.

[Alison Rosen]

On me or any of my group members, but there was a lot of people that came out after he got taken into prison that people started coming out of the Woodworks. Previous band members from different groups that he was managing from Orlando. Just people speculating and people just throwing out his name and basically saying, yeah, this is what happened. Or he said this to me, and it was inappropriate, but we used to always hang out with him at his house, the five of us and him, and watch movies. And he had the original Darth. Darth Vader costume in his. It was like a freaking amusement park.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Alison Rosen]

But there was some weird, weird shit. If you think about it now, going back. Like, porn night. Like, five guys and Lou sitting there watching porn. And for some of us, like me and Nick, which porn night it was. I think it was like a Tuesday. But, like, you know, for us to sit there as a group of guys, and I was seeing porn for, like, the first time, and it was just a weird. Now, looking back, that's just a weird thing. Five guys and then. And then this guy that you look at like a dad watching porno movies together. It's just like.

[Adam Carolla]

It's also the kind of thing where aren't you a little bit worried that someone's gonna go home and go, hey, Mom. Oh, no. That's the thing.

[Alison Rosen]

I was waiting for someone to say something. Like, Nick was still, like, he was 12, 13. I was 14. I didn't say anything. Nick didn't say anything. As far as I know, but I'm sure if somebody had said, hey, tonight lose was awesome. He shot some pool. I watched a guy bust a nut on some girl's boobs and something and then be like, wait, what?

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Alison Rosen]

And then heads would have rolled and parents would have screamed and we might not have been where we are today. I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, so the question I have is, so he's one of these figures that you make deals with guys like that, there's no free lunches in this business. He doesn't do what he does and not get his beak wet and take the lion's share and blah, blah, blah, this is what he does. But then there's kind of a part of me that thinks, well, maybe you wouldn't exist if Lou didn't exist on the planet.

[Alison Rosen]

But absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

130 million records, pretty good. Lou seemed to orchestrate it okay.

[Alison Rosen]

I mean, he obviously was a, was an intricate cog in the entire birth of this group. But once, once he got Johnny Wright and Donna Wright and these other managers involved and then they signed in sync and all this stuff started happening. That's when we started to like raise this like eyebrow to. You're like getting our direct competition and you're signing them, then our label signs them and it's like shitting where you eat, you know? And it just got weird for us and we became almost second fiddle. Anything we said no to, NSYNC did or vice versa, and kind of diabolical of him. We didn't see it until after, but yeah, I mean, it was very two faced and we saw it after the fact, but nobody said anything.

[Adam Carolla]

So just when the dust settles. And now you're new dad. Congratulations. And you've had a few years to mature. And porn night is every night now.

[Alison Rosen]

Yes, absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

And there's porn days, afternoons and mornings as well. But when you think about Lou Perlman sitting in jail, do you think you should rot there for the rest of your life or do you go, no? I have mixed feelings about the guy. I have memories, feelings.

[Alison Rosen]

I do have mixed feelings because he never directly to me personally did anything that was harmful or detrimental. He did something harmful to the group. And those are my brothers for the past 21 years.

[Adam Carolla]

But he also was very instrumental in creating the group.

[Alison Rosen]

Exactly. So all I would ever ask him if I ever did a kid, you know, ever got any kind of chance to see him again, would be, why? Why did you do what you did? Why couldn't you just be happy with the relationship we all had? And we'd still be living the lap of luxury together.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't think those guys, it's sort of, you know, I don't know, Wolf of Wall street or whatever. Those guys, the whole reason they exist is for that. And it's not really because we ask, like, sane people, like, come on, how much money do you need? How many boats do you need? How many? That's not never about that. You wouldn't know their name if that's how they were wired. They're wired to go and get. It's a weird thing. It's sort of that Aaron Hernandez thing. It's like you have everything in the world going for you and this huge contract and stuff. What are you out gang banging for? What are you shooting people for? What are you doing? It's like, that's his wiring. That's who he is. He's not a New England patriot.

[Alison Rosen]

We never saw this guy. I mean, he was what we nicknamed him Big Papa. I mean, he, you know, Kevin was the only member at that point. Well, the rest of us still have fathers, but his had, you know, passed away already. So Kevin and Lou had that father son relationship. So I think he was the most directly influenced by what happened and the most hurt by it. And Brian was the one that actually rose the eyebrow finally and was like, guys, something isn't right. I'm looking at these numbers. Something isn't right. And Brian came to us and said, I think we should litigate. I think we should take this because something isn't right.

[Adam Carolla]

You need to audit this because you're going. We're selling out arenas, we're selling all this merchandise. We're going on these tours where we're stopping in every city and selling out these big domes. And we've got this at the end of it. And what those guys do is they go, well, you know, those semi trucks, the travel, the hotels, the publicists, you know, the venue well, they take 40% right off the top. And then there's taxes, and they do all that. So what movie companies do, they just figure out a way to never have your thing. You're like, it made $250 million at the box office. Well, still haven't turned a profit yet.

[Alison Rosen]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

There's an easy way to do that.

[Alison Rosen]

The artist is always the last to get paid. So you got managers, you got booking agents, you got everyone else. And it was like. But we were just in this whirlwind from 99 to, like, 2001, which was like the top, top, top of our entire career. We couldn't even, like, sneeze without somebody knowing. And it was just this whirlwind. So we were blindsided.

[Adam Carolla]

I would argue if I was Lou. They got paid in pussy. Like, okay.

[Alison Rosen]

We weren't doing too bad for them for years.

[Adam Carolla]

For your average, you know, 15 to 20 year old run, getting paid. I would have taken getting paid in pussy.

[Giovanni]

Each one of those young men to a man is a pussy multimillionaire because of me.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Yeah. Yeah. I think you got ripped. We've got a lot of your eyes see if you don't get a toner.

[Alison Rosen]

My fans coming to me after, like, 15 years being, you know, band saying, dude, I lost my virginity until I want it that way. Thank you. You know, so, hey, you're very welcome. I tip my hat to you.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. All right, we'll do a little news. I'll give a little love to one of our fine sponsors, Lifelock, baby. Ah, identity thieves. That's right. They can target you. They take all your information. They cash in. There's a little Lou Perlman's running all over the place out there with your credit card going insane. Allison.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. A former court clerk in Florida was recently sentenced to three years in prison. I told you. I know. For the theft of more than 100 people's identities. She used her access to the Florida Department of Highway Safety and Motor Vehicles database to copy more than 100 people's names, birthdays and so Social Security numbers, which she then sold to a co conspirator.

[Adam Carolla]

That's how LifeLock ultimate, the most comprehensive ID theft protection ever created. Guards your identity and credit, even monitors your bank accounts for takeover fraud. Dawson. LifeLock Services can't protect you or your bank accounts if you're not a member. Visit lifelock.com and enter promo Code Adam. Or call and use Promo Code Adam for a special 10 discount. That's promo code Adam. To get a special. Special 10 discount, call 800-4965-030800-49650. 30. 800-496-5030. Network does not cover all transactions, and scope may vary. All right.

[Alison Rosen]

Damn it. Florida. I'm from Florida. It's like, damn it.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, what are you gonna.

[Alison Rosen]

We get the worst rap always, man.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you've earned it. But. All right, yeah, we have. But listen, that's why I'm living here now. Well, look, a lot of NBA ballers live there. I mean, true. It is one of those rich man, poor man things like Florida, like, you know, all the super rich guys go over there, think it has something to do with divorce or potential impending divorce.

[Brian Bishop]

Is that what it is? I thought it had something to do with taxes or something.

[Alison Rosen]

Well, taxes is great.

[Adam Carolla]

They got good laws.

[Alison Rosen]

No state tax. It's fantastic.

[Adam Carolla]

They got good laws if you make tons of money and. Or may get divorced as well. Yeah. Or both. All right, Allison, let's do a little news. The news with Allison Rosen. She'll read some news from her iPad. Sometimes good, sometimes it's bad. It's Allison, Allison. And when it's time to wrap it up, she'll sign it off with zip it cut. It's Allison Allison.

[Brian Bishop]

Opening ceremonies of the Olympics for Friday. Did you guys watch?

[Adam Carolla]

I tried.

[Alison Rosen]

I was at dinner. I didn't really feel like watching.

[Adam Carolla]

I got to. I was watching snowboarder stuff. It's nice to be, you know, my kids are seven, so they're that age where if they see anything, they just announce that's what they're gonna do, you know, so they watch snowboarding and then my son says he's gonna snowboard. Then I go, what about, I thought you were the fastest kid on the planet. It's like, oh, yeah, but during the summer Olympics, I'll do the sprinting. And then the winter, that. That along with he's gonna be professional podcaster as well. Just announced, there you go. I'm already cashing those chips. There you go. So he just. Everything they see, they just announce that my daughter's going to be an ice skater. And then blah, blah, blah. But I had this experience tonight, today where I taped it and I thought, yeah, I'm going to put it on while I skip my rope. Just something to watch while I skip my rope. And they had women's long distance skating, like the 6 million meter female whatever skate, which is speed skating or. Well, it's speed skating, except for it's not two laps, it's five miles. So they're pacing, they're pacing themselves, gliding five miles. Well, maybe it's, you know, four kilometers or whatever distance, you know, at a certain point when you think it couldn't go on any longer, it's like eight laps to go. You're like, what? So it's chicks skating at a pretty leisurely pace until the very end. And I go. So I hit the fast forward and like the Olympics, it records like 7 hours fast forward, like an hour and a half, and they're still going in a slow circle. And eventually it gets past them and we go into men's Long distance cross country skiing. And that is another fast forward moment. And I couldn't find any fucking. I want to see somebody.

[Brian Bishop]

You couldn't find anything entertaining.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, I want something.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I'm having trouble getting into the Olympics as well. Even the opening ceremony, which isn't that long. I, you know, caught bits of it, but not that fascinating.

[Adam Carolla]

Should cross country skiing be televised?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, they should give out those medals in a separate. Like the tech, the, you know, the technical Emmys.

[Alison Rosen]

Yeah, like the Grammys. Like the off screen Grammys.

[Brian Bishop]

Exactly.

[Alison Rosen]

You don't even hear about till like three weeks later.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. That's exactly how they should do it. And same with the long, long distance skating.

[Alison Rosen]

Just put it strictly for YouTube and then if you want to watch it, you can watch it. Otherwise just skip it.

[Brian Bishop]

Right, but all sorts of stories are coming out about the conditions in Sochi. I mean, it just, it's kind of a clusterfuck. They seem really, really not prepared for this. Toilets are backing up people. Someone turned on their faucet and raw sewage came out. You're not supposed to flush toilet paper. You can't wash your face with the.

[Alison Rosen]

Water cause something in it burns.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you know, listen, I hope everyone's sitting down, but was it. We always watch. Was it real sports? Yes, they did a whole, you know, a segment story. But the corruption over there, the money it costs to build the stadium and to build the shuttle and the funicular and the train and the important.

[Brian Bishop]

This is the most expensive Olympics ever.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Cause this is the place where there's a shitload of money and half the population lives in just pure poverty, while the other half just fucking lives like kings. And all the corruption and all the payola and all the guys getting all the contractors that landed the contracts were like Putin, you know, golfing buddies or horse, you know, bare shirtless, horseback riding buddies or whatever. Everything is graft and his naked equestrian friends. Yeah, I mean, it's dudes at their worst. It's tons of money, tons of power, all decide who gets the deal. This guy's got the ski chalet next to mine. He's going to get the contract to build the tram from the event up to the hotel. That's Michael Moore.

[Brian Bishop]

Should do an expose of this.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, he'd be, he'd be killed.

[Alison Rosen]

Yeah, he would have a hit on him like the next day.

[Adam Carolla]

He'd be poisoned.

[Giovanni]

Oh yeah, he definitely should then.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, we'd all. They'd go, here's how they'd kill Michael Moore. They'd poison his sub. Poison the six footer at the four foot mark. Yeah. That's when he's at his most vulnerable. Starting blood. All the blood has gone to his belly.

[Giovanni]

Muscle memory at that point, muscle memory's losing.

[Adam Carolla]

You drop off the six foot sub, you know, if he dies, but his mouth keeps going. His mouth keeps going, but he's dead. Yep. I honestly, if a guy like Michael Moore was really gonna do some expose about all the corruption that was going on in that country in general and or these Olympics, we would find him with the mysterious heart attack somewhere.

[Alison Rosen]

Or he would just have to find some kind of lookalike and send him over to actually do it. While he stays at home and just eats his six foot long subway sandwich.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, exactly. That'd be the worst day of anyone's life. When somebody tapped him on their shoulder and went, hey, we got a gig. What's that Michael Moore look alike? What? Yeah. Yeah, you look just like him. No, I don't. Yeah, you're like a poor Michael Moore.

[Giovanni]

You sure it's not stand in like just.

[Adam Carolla]

No, like if Michael Moore made $33,000 a year, that would be you.

[Giovanni]

Yes. And your shirt's not standing in.

[Adam Carolla]

You got the kind of triple chin and the ruddy skin and. Yeah.

[Giovanni]

Jesus.

[Adam Carolla]

Put this trucker's cap on, would you?

[Giovanni]

Ruddy.

[Adam Carolla]

Sorry, I shouldn't have said ruddy. Anyway, I have rosacea.

[Giovanni]

You son of a bitch.

[Adam Carolla]

Would you like the gig or not?

[Giovanni]

As a matter of fact, gig's a gig.

[Adam Carolla]

We're need you to lose £20.

[Giovanni]

Oh, Jesus Christ.

[Brian Bishop]

Perhaps you saw this photo of American bobsledder Johnny Quinn. He tweeted this. He was in the bathroom in Sochi and couldn't get out. The door was locked. He didn't have his phone, so he busted through.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. He tweeted it and he said, with no phone to call for help, I use my bobsled push training to break out. Hashtag SochiJailbreak.

[Alison Rosen]

Why does it look like a cardboard box and not even a door?

[Adam Carolla]

He's gonna get a Kool Aid endorsement.

[Brian Bishop]

Seriously, you know doors, Adam, what's going on there that's called.

[Adam Carolla]

That doesn't look like a door. Corridor versus a solid corridor.

[Alison Rosen]

It's cardboard.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, what it is, it's like honeycomb in there. Each side of it is skinned with Masonite and or luan, which is about an eighth inch thick. And then there's like a honeycomb cardboard in there. And then it's sort of solid wood, but it's finger jointed wood. It's not even solid.

[Alison Rosen]

I have most of my packages that are dropped off at my house daily.

[Adam Carolla]

All around the perimeter. So you can put in the doorknob and hang the hinges and all that kind of stuff. But it's the. Did he say that's his bathroom door?

[Brian Bishop]

He was in a bathroom. I don't know if he was in his bathroom in the hotel, but that was on the other side is the bathroom.

[Adam Carolla]

First off, I don't like a lot of rules and regulations in a nanny state, but all bathrooms should have solid core doors. Cause hollow core just takes whatever sound is going on in the bathroom, amplifies.

[Alison Rosen]

It ten times a million.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh yeah, like one of those anvil phone cases over there and just rockets it out for the world to hear. But that ain't Backstreet Boys. Wait.

[Alison Rosen]

Bobsled push training. I'm trying to think.

[Adam Carolla]

That would be your head first if.

[Alison Rosen]

You think about it. If you're pushing, you're running with your head first with your bobsled. So did he like headbutt the door?

[Giovanni]

Maybe.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know.

[Alison Rosen]

It's almost a perfect circle.

[Adam Carolla]

But I've always say this. The two manner. The one guy, the luge, like all that. I get the four manner. The two dudes in the middle one. The dude in the front is the steering guy, the dude in the back is the braking guy. But the two dudes in the middle, all they do is push as fucking hard as they can for seven seconds and then jump in and get free ride to suck their own cocks. For literally that it's push, push, push, suck, suck, suck. And that's. And then it's over. Then it's over. And then they pop up and they go, what happened? And then they wipe their mouth and go, who won?

[Giovanni]

Who cares?

[Adam Carolla]

We all did. What happened? It's a slow time. Like when they know if. When the guy's got a mouthful of his own self. That means. That means they got to shave a few tens. All right, so it's a disaster. But this is. Whoever. By the way, the whole Russia thing. Jury's still out. It's working out. I feel this way about communism, Cuba, Russia, all these places where you can just go, how much longer do we have to go on with this experiment before somebody announces this is probably not a great way to govern?

[Brian Bishop]

They do things their own way, we do things our own way. Who's to judge?

[Alison Rosen]

I'm gonna be in Russia in about a week and a half.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really? Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

For what?

[Alison Rosen]

It's gonna be fun.

[Adam Carolla]

Tour.

[Alison Rosen]

Actually, we're going back on tour throughout Europe and we start in Lisbon, Portugal, and then right after that, we have four different shows throughout Russia.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Alison Rosen]

So I'm looking forward to that.

[Brian Bishop]

How did I not quite realize that you guys are still touring?

[Alison Rosen]

Well, we're still on our 20th anniversary tour. Even though this is going into our 21st year, but we're still gonna keep on going.

[Brian Bishop]

Is it. Do you have to do a ton of rehearsal and training to get.

[Adam Carolla]

We did.

[Alison Rosen]

We did like two and a half months and we've been off now. This has been our longest break. It's been about seven weeks. So it's gonna be interesting to see some of my bandmates that forget certain dance moves. We don't have a day of rehearsal. We have the. The very first show day. We have about four hours on stage. It's. It's gonna be the. The first three shows are gonna be a clusterfuck. I just know that.

[Giovanni]

So the hard sell, huh?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Alison Rosen]

Just smile, sing, have fun, just be on key and that's all you gotta do.

[Brian Bishop]

Are you nervous at all?

[Alison Rosen]

No, I don't get nervous until right before and then I'm good. But if I don't get nervous, then something isn't right. But that's just an anxious. Nervous. Like I'm not worried about forgetting a move or forgetting a lyric or tripping over something, even though I have fallen through a hole on stage, which was not good. That scared the shit out of me.

[Brian Bishop]

What happened?

[Alison Rosen]

I just did. Nobody taped off these quick. These quick change steps that were in our stage with us on the New Kids tour. I was talking, looking at my band director, making eye contact, and I'm just walking, and all of a sudden the ground disappeared.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, just before the show.

[Alison Rosen]

Yeah. And before the first show of the entire New Kids tour, I went to the hospital. I didn't. Nothing broke in, but thank God that the. The top of the stage where my head hit was padded. I would have cracked my skull. And that's it.

[Adam Carolla]

The quick change is when the. Whoever drops down changes now pops back up from under the stage. I think if you watch them follow a band or something, you see they get that like 5 foot, 6 foot area down there.

[Alison Rosen]

This was our longest quick changes ever because while New Kids were on stage, we had like 10, 15 minutes to just chill. I smoke a cigarette, take a nap. It was perfect.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So you will be in Russia?

[Alison Rosen]

We will be in Russia. We will be, I believe. I'm not sure where in Russia. But we're doing it to a couple of corporate gigs.

[Adam Carolla]

What is the biggest for you? International destination in terms of. I mean, what's always cool about music versus doing standup? You don't speak English. You don't speak English. But you guys can be bigger in Japan probably.

[Alison Rosen]

Japan is probably the biggest now. Europe is still a close second because that's where everything started for us. China is up there as well. South America, pretty much everywhere. I hate to say this, but everywhere more so than here now because now it's about what's new and what's hot. And radio won't play our music now and they want to play One Direction and there's nothing wrong with that, but that's just how it is now.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the micro version of that is every comedian I know lives in Los Angeles, but they can't sell tickets in Los Angeles if they get on a plane and go somewhere. And it's weird that here's this city, it's the entertainment capital of the world basically. And you have to fight like hell to sell tickets in the place you live. But if you want to go to Seattle or you want to go to Minneapolis, no problemo.

[Alison Rosen]

It is really strange.

[Adam Carolla]

Or Russia.

[Alison Rosen]

New York is huge for us. I mean, and LA is huge for us, you know, but it's just radio is our biggest drawback right now.

[Adam Carolla]

But China, bigger than the United States by far.

[Alison Rosen]

And Japan, the biggest right now. They're just the most crazy, like just Die Hard, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

It's weird. I don't know when this is, when it's going to turn around, but I always, I feel like the Japanese have always wanted to be like us. Like, oh, we gotta get some blue jeans and a Corvette and Elvis Presley and all that kind of stuff. At a certain point we're gonna have to explain to them. You don't get it. I want my kids to be more like you. We got a bunch of lazy, pot smoking, fucking angry douchebags over here that is doing nothing and think the world owes them a living. I want my kids. I want them like you guys.

[Alison Rosen]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, give them. What do you guys do to harpoon a whale? What do we gotta do over here? Yeah. I want my kids doing what you're doing. It's not the other way around.

[Giovanni]

Maybe not exactly like what they do, but more the math would be nice.

[Alison Rosen]

Put a chip in their brain and make them smarter.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. And do that move where every time you agree, you say, hi, hey, fucking love it. Because I must mush height See, there you go. Ah, you want to be smart. Pro flowers, baby, not proflows. Sherry's berries. See, if I was Japanese, I wouldn't have screwed that up.

[Brian Bishop]

So American of you.

[Adam Carolla]

I know, but I'm edgy.

[Brian Bishop]

And you're attracted to it because you don't know it.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. I'm hot and I don't know it. Yep. How about a beautiful giant dipped strawberries starting only $19.99. Over 40% savings. Or you can get double the berries for just 10 bucks more. Just use the code ACE. Dipped in white chocolate, milk chocolate, dark chocolate. They've got the chips on there and the nuts and the swizzle. The decorative swizzle. Love that swizzle. Only way to get the Valentine's deal. $19.99 or double the berries, 10 bucks more. Visit berries.com B E R R I-E-S.com Click on the microphone, top right corner. Type in ACE. Hurry. Offer code ends Thursday. That is Sherry's Berries. All right, baby girl, let's do one more, shall we?

[Brian Bishop]

Okay. A teenager faces suspension for taking a selfie with a dead body on a field trip. A senior biology class at Clements High School in Alabama took a field trip to the University of Alabama Birmingham's biology department, where they learned about the school's anatomical donor problem. Excuse me, program. But it is a problem that she went there.

[Adam Carolla]

She's healthy.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, yeah. Because what she. So the students were able to see donated cadavers that were covered under sheets. And then one student quickly lifted the sheet and took a shot with herself in the cadaver. And then she posted it to Instagram. And then people freaked out. So that's fucked up.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm fine with it.

[Brian Bishop]

That's just the school board director of public relations and technology, which, by the way, did your high school have one of those? I don't feel like we had a PR director said we had a black.

[Adam Carolla]

Guy with a ton of keys who walked around, but I don't think that was him.

[Brian Bishop]

We were notified via email this morning from a parent that this incident had occurred. So that's how they found out. They're debating the discipline that will occur. And then a woman at the university there, you know, someone in their department said that this is unacceptable and very disappointing, and it's a kind of disappointment.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't you feel like you wouldn't like. I would be surprised if a kid didn't do that?

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. Yes. I feel like to take young people, have them be that close up with death, someone they're not gonna have the reverent response that you're expecting.

[Alison Rosen]

I'm reacting this way, but I have a feeling I would have done the same thing. And I hate.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I'm saying.

[Alison Rosen]

There's that little ounce of, like, curious, twisted shit that is who we are that you just wanted.

[Adam Carolla]

It's.

[Alison Rosen]

Do it and just.

[Adam Carolla]

What, the kids? I don't know.

[Brian Bishop]

She was a senior, actually, in high school.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, yeah. Look, I. I'd love to do an experiment, which is. First off, everyone has a camera on them that's called their phone. So if you took them into a facility and you took a sign that said, do not photograph this sign, what percentage of them would head back with a picture of that photograph in their phone? 100. I'd be suspicious of the three kids that didn't do it. I don't know. So when we get really, like, weird about, like. Oh, my God, what kind of. Well. Well, if you would have done it, or at least three people you knew growing up would have done it. Yeah, that's. That's fine. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. I mean. Yeah.

[Alison Rosen]

She didn't kiss it or, like, hug.

[Brian Bishop]

It or stood next to it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Kind of smiled. I mean.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

I think. I think it's that people don't want anyone to think, oh, if you donate your body to science, this is what's gonna happen.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, that's a pretty good day. I mean, look, there's a few. There's a few ways. Dr. Drew said that when he was a young student in medical school, that he had a cadaver assigned to him. Get your own cadaver, but you have four other people. So he could only fuck it twice a week, as he said. Well, I mean, do the math. Seven days a week. Eight. But every other week, he got it twice. Anyway, I guess it was a lady. You know what? I never asked that. Interesting.

[Brian Bishop]

I mean, I just assumed that.

[Adam Carolla]

I assumed, too, but anyway.

[Brian Bishop]

Does gender persist after death?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, the parts. Yeah. The parts go on. You know what I'm saying?

[Giovanni]

My parts will go on.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. But, I mean, it's like a whole is a whole.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. I see. I see.

[Alison Rosen]

In complete darkness. Right?

[Adam Carolla]

You're saying, like, in prison, you're not really gay?

[Brian Bishop]

If this goes on similar to what.

[Adam Carolla]

I am asking, if you're into necrophilia, you're not really gay.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Are you gay, necrophiliac or straight necrophiliac.

[Alison Rosen]

Or a metro necrophiliac Somewhere down the middle.

[Brian Bishop]

A metrophilia.

[Alison Rosen]

You're a metrophiliac.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll ask Drew about that. Either way, he had his cadaver. And the people that do this, I feel like they're. They're pretty hip. I mean, they're gonna do what exactly? Give their body.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

They're not uptight. They're not like a bunch of born agains, you know?

[Brian Bishop]

They know.

[Adam Carolla]

They know what's going on. Listen, when Jimmy and I went to go have our investigate penis enlargement and different modalities of enlarging one's penis for the man show, went to a doctor, like, sort of Beverly Hills guy and said, oh, yeah, we graft on the layers of skin and fat or whatever. And where do you get this stuff? Organ donors. I said, you mean like organ donor donors, like the ones with the driver's license? And he's like, yeah. And I said, I think those people think that they're cataracts going to blind kids and that their liver is someone else's penis. They're not fattening up some guy's cock from one of the OPEC nations. And he's like, that's. I don't know. They don't advertise, you know, because it's not the kind of thing you do to recruit folks to do it. But, you know, cells are cells, and that's where they get them.

[Alison Rosen]

That's trippy. The first half of me is me. The back half is John Doe. I'll never know who it is.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Alison Rosen]

You're actually having a threesome with me right now.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Alison Rosen]

See, there you go.

[Adam Carolla]

I like that.

[Alison Rosen]

And no one's feelings get hurt.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's right. That's right. All right, well. Well, either way, I just feel like when people check that box over at the dmv, going, do what you like with my cadaver picture with the cute senior from high school. Probably pretty high up there on their list. I mean, I hope after I'm gone, there's some cute high school chick wants to get a shot with me. That's all I'm saying.

[Brian Bishop]

I think you're right. That's the news. I'm Alison Rosen. Tzipit cunt. I just lost my erection.

[Adam Carolla]

That was the news with Alison Rosen. Ah, legal zoom, baby. Want to get your life organized? I'll tell you how to do it. Legal zoom. Oh, speaking of that last will Testament.

[Giovanni]

You want specific instructions on what to be done with your organs.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. You don't want any selfies with you and your ex selfie laying down there in the gurney. That's right. You go to LegalZoom, protect your assets, do it for your family peace of mind. You were starting a business. Plus LegalZoom can help launch your dream. Save a ton of money. They'll help you incorporate and do a million different things and they've helped over a million businesses. They earned an A rating from the Better Business Bureau. So God they gotta be good. Legalzoom step by step process was created by a team of experts in law and technology. Dawson LegalZoom is not a law firm but can connect you with a third party attorney and provide you with self help services for special savings. Enter Adam in the referral box at checkout. Please don't let another month go by before you take care of these things for your family and business. From wills to business formation, trademark applications, powers of attorney and even bankruptcy help go to legalzoom.com all right. AJ McLean everybody. Anvil iPhone Road case. You can pre order [e-mail] thanks for the support via the Amazon for all you guys are doing your shopping and bookmarking Alison Rosen new best friend Josh Garner coming up on the next episode Monday and Thursday and available now on iTunes. Allisonrosen.com as well. President me my book available for pre order and you know what to do with Amazon and also San Francisco going on going on sale so you can go look for live shows. We're gonna be traveling around Vegas coming up and all that good stuff. So till next time, Adam Crawford, AJ McLean, Allison Rosen and Ball Brian saying mahalo. I called my old girlfriend over and she fucked the shit out of Bill Clinton.

[Giovanni]

All right, this is Adam Kollo show 1257 that does it for today's cruel classics. Make sure to tune tomorrow for an all new installment. Until then, mahalo and get it on.