Alan Hamel on Rebuilding Malibu

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Adam Carolla Show – "Alan Hamel on Rebuilding Malibu"

Release Date: January 14, 2025

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Introduction

In this episode of The Adam Carolla Show, host Adam Carolla welcomes Alan Hamel, a longtime friend of the show and husband to the late Suzanne Somers. Alan shares his personal experiences and challenges faced while attempting to rebuild his home in Malibu following devastating wildfires. The conversation delves deep into the bureaucratic hurdles imposed by California's Coastal Commission and the broader implications of stringent building regulations on property owners.

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Alan Hamel’s Experience with Rebuilding Malibu

Alan Hamel recounts the ordeal of rebuilding his cherished Malibu home after it was severely damaged by a fire approximately 18 years prior. Living in Malibu for over two decades, Alan describes his residence as a "little beach shack" that held sentimental value despite its modest size of 1,900 square feet.

[66:57] Alan Hamill: “We decided, okay, we're going to sell the land, which we did. And instead, we built our dream home in Palm Springs.”

Alan emphasizes the prolonged and frustrating interaction with the Coastal Commission, highlighting the inefficiency and lack of empathy from the young officials handling his permits.

[67:27] Alan Hamill: “There was a tape we played several months ago where Elon Musk wanted to launch... it has everything to do with, I don't like that guy, because he's rich and he's white and he's friends with Trump.”

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Challenges with the Coastal Commission and Permitting Process

The dialogue shifts to Adam Carolla's critique of California's Coastal Commission, portraying the body as an impediment to property owners’ efforts to rebuild and develop. Adam argues that the Commission's regulations are overly restrictive and politically motivated, often hindering timely reconstruction and modernization efforts.

[36:20] Alan Hamill: “Yeah, I figured you got to live there.”

[88:17] Alan Hamill: “It's going exactly what happened.”

Adam elaborates on the complexities of obtaining permits, comparing interactions with the Commission to “walking into court” and feeling unjustly targeted due to socio-economic status.

[72:16] Adam Carolla: “You are doing nothing. You like this? You want more of this? Go out into the world, buy some land, try to develop it, hang your own shingle and then tell me how much you like this.”

The conversation underscores a systemic issue where bureaucratic red tape stifles individual property rights and development, leading to frustration among homeowners like Alan.

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Building Techniques and Fire Resistance

A significant portion of the discussion centers around construction methods that enhance a home's resilience to wildfires. Alan and Adam debate the merits of concrete construction versus traditional wood framing, noting that concrete structures are less susceptible to fire damage.

[04:31] Alan Hamill: “I can't imagine why it wouldn't be. Why it would be unorthodox here in California where things burn all the time.”

[06:24] Alan Hamill: “Yeah. There was a house in Orange County, a big house in Orange County that survived wildfires because of the construction.”

Adam shares his observations from a concerted effort to identify fire-resistant homes along the Pacific Coast Highway (PCH), highlighting a particularly sturdy $100 million house built with extensive concrete forms that withstood the recent fires.

[07:14] Adam Carolla: “The new world order will be nothing on the exterior of the house that can catch on fire. All the wood, all the trim... none of that.”

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Broader Implications of Over-Regulation

The episode transitions into a broader critique of California's regulatory environment, with Adam arguing that excessive regulations not only impede rebuilding efforts but also contribute to a mass exodus of affluent residents. He posits that the Coastal Commission and similar bodies prioritize political agendas over practical rebuilding needs, ultimately harming the state's economic and social fabric.

[101:06] Alan Hamill: “It's Internet class people, people who have enough money to have a nice high-speed Internet connection.”

[104:32] Adam Carolla: “That's how people work also... that's why. Part of the reason why people want money is for these reasons.”

The discussion touches upon the societal divide between the wealthy and the general populace, suggesting that frustration stems from perceived inequities in how regulations are enforced and who bears their burdens.

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Conclusion and Insights

Throughout the episode, Alan Hamel and Adam Carolla express deep-seated frustration with California's Coastal Commission and regulatory framework, which they argue stifles property rights, complicates rebuilding efforts, and contributes to broader societal discontent. Alan's personal journey serves as a case study illustrating the challenges faced by homeowners in fire-prone areas, while Adam's analysis situates these challenges within a larger critique of governmental overreach and bureaucratic inefficiency.

The conversation concludes with a mix of humorous anecdotes and serious contemplation on the future of property development in California, emphasizing a need for reform to balance environmental protection with practical and economic realities.

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Notable Quotes

• Adam Carolla on building regulations:

  [07:14] “The new world order will be nothing on the exterior of the house that can catch on fire. All the wood, all the trim... none of that.”

• Alan Hamel on dealing with bureaucratic hurdles:

  [66:57] “We decided, okay, we're going to sell the land, which we did. And instead, we built our dream home in Palm Springs.”

• Adam Carolla on the Coastal Commission's adversarial stance:

  [72:16] “You are doing nothing. You like this? You want more of this? Go out into the world, buy some land, try to develop it, hang your own shingle and then tell me how much you like this.”

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This episode provides listeners with an in-depth look into the real-world implications of California's stringent building regulations, through the personal experiences of Alan Hamel and the sharp insights of Adam Carolla. It underscores the tension between regulatory bodies and individual property rights, highlighting the urgent need for balance to ensure both environmental protection and the practicalities of rebuilding and development.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, in this episode, Alan Hamill. That's right, the man married to Suzanne Somers for all those years and a good friend of the show, is going to join us to give us a little clarity on his situation many years ago with the fire and the coastal commission in Malibu. And you'll get to hear it from the horse's mouth. Also, Mayhem Miller's doing some news and I got a ton of thoughts right after this. All right, this show brought to you in part by Simply Safe. If you have 30 minutes, you never have to worry about break ins ever again. Just go to simplisafe.com get all the sensors you need, all the help you need as well to set it up. Custom system is going to show up post [e-mail] Adam.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

From Corolla One Studios in Glendale, California, this is the Adam Carolla Show. Today the news and trending topics with Jason Mayhem Miller. And now living in a city and state run by flame retardants, Adam Carolla.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, get it on, got to get it on. The judgement gonna mandate you get it on. Thanks for tuning in. Thanks for telling a friend. We love that about you. All right, we got Mayhem Miller.

[Alan Hamill]

Serious show, serious show. Can't be as crazy as I normally wanna be.

[Adam Carolla]

Gotta be serious.

[Alan Hamill]

All right, serious guy.

[Adam Carolla]

What's going on, Mayhem? How the fires affected you? I kinda know where you live, man.

[Alan Hamill]

I dotted like the Matrix. Just this one burned, that one burned. I don't know, God bless me, nothing, no, no problem. I'm just like avoiding it. Even my friends I posted, hey, I got a truck if you need some help. Nobody, nobody in my. I don't know how I know I'm gonna, Someone's gonna come up to me tomorrow and tell me, hey, this affected me, but so far I've been blessed to avoid it. And you're the closest one because at your house, something protected. Good construction, probably, but yeah, concrete does not burn at that low attempt. I mean, it's gotta be.

[Adam Carolla]

So listen, okay, everybody. There's rarely such a thing as a concrete house. Although I shared pictures and stories of a house that was on PCH. Now. So here's the thing. I was a former builder, so when I see people building things in an unorthodox and different way, I take note of it. Right, same way you would do with MMA technique.

[Alan Hamill]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean? And there was a house, so PCH was mostly all burned with a couple examples of homes that made it. And there was one I was very curious about because I'VE talked to friends like Bill Simmons and he was like, it's burnt all the way down. Pch. And I was like, there was a building and Dawson remembers me talking about it and I even took pictures of it and sent it maybe to Joe, probably to Chris before that. It's in a computer somewhere of a triple or double lot wide in the middle of pch. Now that would be where Nobu. Kind of where Nobu is. But they built a modern house and they did formed, poured concrete, monolith slab, all the way up the front and all the way around the place. I mean, just formed. You'll see the holes in it. Those are where the form ties are. They put them through the plywood so it doesn't blow out the forms. And then they pump concrete and you can just see it going all the way up. About 24, two and a half, three stories, all four corners. They poured this whole building in place. Rebar. It's a bomb shelter. And I assume they did it at the time because pch. Oh, that's it. Yeah, I took pictures of it. Pch. We got to tighten up on it a little. It's very loud and so it gets real quiet when you pour these concrete walls in front versus stucco and two by fours or wood cladding or whatever, windows and everything else. But this is wildly unorthodox. Just full slabs of concrete.

[Alan Hamill]

I can't imagine why it wouldn't be. Why it would be unorthodox here in California where things burn all the time. I'm imagining a 3D printed concrete structure.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, maybe there'll be a lot more of that. But this stuff is. It's very expensive to build this way is what I would say. What you do is you. Now you can see that the forms are about 8ft and then there's a break and then there's another form and it's about eight feet. Look, if you guys want to know everything, a piece of plywood is 4 foot wide and 8 foot tall. So when you start seeing forms and stuff, it's all pieces of plywood. That's where you see the lines are 4 foot wide, 8 foot tall. So what they do is they take plywood and they do a front side and a backside and they make it like a foot thick. And they put these wires with little nuts on it, little threaded pieces. Those are formed ties. So they can pump concrete into it, not blow it out. Feel me? Then they put tons of rebar in it and then they pump it, but they leave the rebar running Wild at the top. So they tie the next set of rebar into it and put the next set of plywood forms on it and pump the next set. Anyway, this house remained because you couldn't burn this. You could fly one of the planes that hit one of the twin towers into this thing and it would be fine. So these people built their house like the little piggy that built the house out of bricks and not out of straw or what have you. So there's a way to do it. The new world order will be nothing on the exterior of the house that can catch on fire. All the wood, all the trim, all the eaves, all that stuff. None of that.

[Alan Hamill]

Yeah. There was a house in Orange county, big house in Orange county that survived wildfires because of the construction.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Now, so I was marveling at this place the whole time they're building it. And they finished this build. And this is $100 million house. They finished this build eight months before the fire. So I was like, oh, my God, they spent five years building this house. And then if they just finished it and the fire swept through, but it remained. And some of it is the building. That's a lot of it. The building techniques. And then a lot of it's just weird luck of the draw. But what people say all the time is like, the house is cement on the outside. They don't mean cement. They mean stucco.

[Alan Hamill]

Yeah, I was going to say, I think stucco might have saved your house. Yeah. It rubbed your knuckles. But guess what?

[Adam Carolla]

It's a high temperature burn, you know, so here's. Here's how stucco works just for everybody. They frame the house with wood. The wood frame. Then they take laughter, which is called K laugh, which is a tar paper with metal chicken wire type grid on it. And they staple it. They nail it to the outside of the house. Then the Mexican comes along and he's got his trowel. Trowel. And he's got his hawk. Yeah, hawk. And he mixed up his stucco and he uses a notch trowel and he puts a notch.

[Alan Hamill]

He ices the cake.

[Adam Carolla]

He ices the cake, but it's got lines all over it. Cause he uses a trowel that's notched and it's all notchy, so it'll take the next one. Then he waits for that one to dry. Then he puts the next coat on. That's called the brown coat. Notch coat, brown coat. Third coat's the color coat. What color is your stucco? That one's thin. Now, when you're done, you got about an inch and an eighth of cement product all around your house.

[Alan Hamill]

High temperature.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And if it's going into aluminum windows or metal windows, and there's no eaves hanging over with tng, and, you know, two by six eaves hanging over the top or whatever and fascia and that kind of stuff made out of a two by six. And there's really not that much to burn.

[Alan Hamill]

I know some of those letters.

[Adam Carolla]

So that's what they're shooting for. I mean, that's what shall be. Now, like, my condo has sprinklers in it.

[Alan Hamill]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Not on it, but anything caught inside.

[Alan Hamill]

They would have took care of it. Yes, but what about the neighbors? But, I mean, I guess you haven't been back, so.

[Adam Carolla]

I haven't been back.

[Alan Hamill]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I have not been back. And the question is, is when are we going back? I don't know. I'm running out of. I'm running out of socks, bro. I'm running out of stuff to wear.

[Alan Hamill]

And you got to get off my couch, really.

[Adam Carolla]

Drew offered up his pool house to me about 20 minutes ago. So that's nice. That's good. Also in this, Joe's got a few of the tweets, but somebody a day or so ago just, I think, innocently tweeted me and said, what's going on with the Newman cars? I hope the collection is safe. Now, I think that's a reasonable thing to ask. Maybe not a reasonable thing to ask, or maybe it would have been insensitive day one. I mean, not to me, but for others. But once everyone is safe and the structures in place, then I think it makes sense to say, what about the Newman Carr Collection? Because they're one of one. And look, if you had an original couple of pages from the Declaration of Independence, I think it'd be reasonable to ask four or five days after the fire, how are the pages from the Declaration of Independence doing? How's the Shroud of Turin doing?

[Alan Hamill]

Yeah, we all care.

[Adam Carolla]

How's the Magna Carta doing? That you own. You have a correspondence, letters from Davy Crockett.

[Alan Hamill]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Are those okay? I think that would be a reasonable thing to ask five days in now.

[Alan Hamill]

Your original child to play. Chucky Dole.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. So what I get is Timothy Cody says to me, hope your Newman car collection is okay. An update would be appreciated. So I'm sitting in my Vegas hotel room, and I thought, oh, yeah, people think the collection may be because all of Los Angeles is on fire and the collection was formerly in Los Angeles. So I then wrote back, Joe Will find this somewhere. I then wrote back, no, I did not write that back. All right, if we can get it together here, people. We knew this day was coming for us. It's funny, we do the pre planning of this stuff, but then when we try it, there's always confused.

[Alan Hamill]

I was just checking to see if you were still watching Earthquake while the fire was going on and just hanging out.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so then I have a response, and my response is, they are all safe in a Reno museum to the person who wanted to know if the collection was okay and he wanted an update. So I wrote back later that day, probably moments later, they are all safe. And then I got this response from a woman who was reading this correspondence. And that's the one where we say, we do not have what we just saw or do we? Are the computer slow or are we slow or how does this work? She wrote, because vintage cars are your biggest concern right now. I think she was being sarcastic, but that was a jab at me and Timothy, who asked, I'm so fucking tired of bitches doing this. Vintage cars are not my biggest concern right now. I was asked by somebody, how's it going? And it's been long enough that I know everyone around me is safe, including myself. So I thought it would be okay to answer this person who asked about cars, by the way, vintage cars, at least my vintage cars are a pretty big concern to me, and they are a bigger concern during fires because I'd have a higher chance of losing them. But anyway, I wrote back as I wrote to everyone during COVID Yes, hero. That's my number one concern. Yes, that's all I. First off, bitch, I didn't bring it up. Somebody brought it up days after the fire and just asked what the status was. And I simply replied, they're in Reno, so don't worry about it. That's it. I didn't say they were the jewel in the crown of the Corolla monarchy or that's all I cared about or haven't inquired about my kids. But I have inquired about the cars. I just said they were fine and in Reno. And also, first off, Shamazielo, Schmooze Schmooz Schmeasel Schmeezel is her name. I have no idea what your raison debt is. I don't know what you do. I don't know what your plan is, but what the fuck is becoming your life? I have no fucking idea who these people are. What is wrong with you? Somebody inquired about a collection I have, and I Told the person they were safe and in one place. I didn't do a soliloquy on it. I didn't talk about the insurance. I didn't talk about the value. I didn't talk about loving them more than my children or my dog. I just said, they're fine. And then you had to take a jab. You have to take a jab. Who's. I am living. I've been wearing the same fucking socks for four days, and I'm living out of a garbage bag in a shitty hotel in Burbank. Do you need to take the jab, or can I just answer the person? Vintage, biggest concern right now? And listen, bitch, you don't care about vintage cars. Good. I don't ask about your butt plug collection. I. Stay out of it. Just stay out of it. This is a person that wanted to know, and I gave them an answer. Why does it even involve you? But anyway, so then I wrote back, yes, hero, that's my number one concern. Even though I've never fucking spoken about it until I was asked. And then she wrote back to, I think the guy. I think she wrote back to the person who asked the question. Am I right?

[Alan Hamill]

I think that's what she was aiming at. You were just, like, caught in the crossfire.

[Dawson]

Yeah. She was replying to Timothy.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, but to both of you. I got caught in the collateral. And then she wrote back to Timothy.

[Dawson]

Now we've got to throw up the exchange. We can kind of scroll through. She replied to Timothy a lot. She replied to a lot of people who replied to the thread.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay. So what did she write when she was replying?

[Dawson]

Schmooze starts in a negative space. Somebody said. And she said, how's this for negativity? Go suck a giant dick, loser. God, I feel elated now. Positivity is invigorating.

[Alan Hamill]

I really like this lady.

[Adam Carolla]

That kind of turned the corner on her, too.

[Alan Hamill]

I got her back on my Jeep. I'm back on her side.

[Adam Carolla]

Look, okay, let's just. Can we just break this down? Mayhem.

[Alan Hamill]

Yeah. Yeah, I'm into it. Game footage in general.

[Adam Carolla]

I have to tell people all the time, I didn't start any of this. You put yourself. You entered this thing. You didn't need to do it. I've had many, many an argument, especially with women, where I just went. I didn't ask for any of this. I was just trying to fix this or do this or whatever. This. There's no reason for you. No one reached out to you. Somebody, let's put it to you this way. A number of days after the fire, or at least after the imminent threat of the fire had passed, my particular area, family, friends and so on and so forth, somebody asked the very logical question of what about? Look, someone asked William Shatner, what's going on with the horses? Are the horses okay? Why he has horses? So they want to know, how are the horses? All right, I have horses. Power. In terms of race cars now, you can go, well, one is one of God's creatures, the other, well, listen, they're one of one. If they perish, they'll never be another. And they have a value, but they also have a historical value to them as well. They're Paul Newman's race cars. They're one of one. It's perfectly logical for somebody to inquire, how are they? Did they perish in the fire? Okay, so they inquired, and then I said, they're in Reno, they're safe. And thanks. Okay. There is no reason for you to enter this conversation.

[Alan Hamill]

Well, she only inject herself into it so she could be the center of attention and then have a Twitter war, I guess, to call it X war now. But, yeah, she's in there responding to every comment, it looks like.

[Dawson]

So, yeah, there's a ton of her. She's sort of shitting on you for how much you're concerned. But then she replies to a hundred different people out there.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I'm also. Okay. I got a lot of thoughts. I have. The other thought are the people who bring, you know, you bring something up and they go, why are you obsessed with this? It's like, no obsession. Somebody just asked how the cars were doing, and I said, they're doing good because they're not here. That person thought the cars were in LA because they were in LA for 15 or 20 years, and then recently they moved to Reno where there is no fire. So I thought I would inform them of that, but she wants to do battle. But you know what I love about these people? It's a woman thing mostly. They then at some point, they pour a glass of white wine and they explain to their friends what's going on in the world. What's with all the stress? I can't fucking believe it. You can't even turn on the TV or pick up the phone anymore without somebody fucking attacking you. Fuck Elon for buying Twitter because he's letting all this hate speak. It's like, bitch, you did it. You inserted yourself into this and then started all of it. And then at some point, see, you.

[Alan Hamill]

Never seen This I don't think I know a very toxic chick, man. Toxic chicks that are really like to argue. This is just sparring for her. Like, she's just, like, getting her arguments down for whatever dumb schlub starts banging her.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so what else does she have to say?

[Dawson]

At one point she says, we get it. You like budding into somebody. This whole thing is her butting in on a conversation she wasn't a part of.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, number one, all of this stuff is all projection. I'm now realizing that every fucking nutty broad I speak to, every politician I hear from, it's all projection. They just project, and then they get involved, and then here we are.

[Dawson]

So someone. Someone defends you by saying, people do this thing called multitasking, insinuating you can be concerned about the fire and whatever and also reply to people about your cars. And she says, multitasking is when you.

[Alan Hamill]

Beat off while changing a tire, not yapping on social media about vintage cars. Why? Thousands of homes and loved ones into a devastating wildfighter. But thanks for chiming in, asshole. I'm telling you, I dated that girl.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait a sec. Read that again.

[Dawson]

Handsome Navy vet.

[Adam Carolla]

Read that again. Slowly. Joe, you read about. Well, I'll read it. Multi tasking is when you beat off while changing a tire. I don't know where she went to finishing school. I like where her head's at. But I've changed a lot of tires and I've done a lot of beating off, but I've never made a peanut butter. I have. You have. I have beat off while changing a tire.

[Alan Hamill]

Yeah, I changed the tire. It's taken so long to get to pick me up that I just threw a nice beat.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, it's a good joke. I come by and I go, got the space saver out. And you go, no, it's a full size tire. And I go, I'm talking your cock. All right, so multitasking is when you beat off while changing a tire, not yapping on social media about vintage cars while thousands lose their homes and loved ones and a devastating wildfire. But thanks for chiming in, asshole. Okay, couple things. How much of this is just making themselves heroes? Because all I got during COVID was people going, I have an autistic brother who I take care of, and I don't believe it's a lot of me me. Like, I'm gonna take a stand. I'm doing something for these people. Yapping in the media about your vintage cars. Also, there's a lot of stuff where I get asked questions and I answer them. I don't bring a lot of stuff up, but I will answer them. But that's not me yapping in the media about my vintage cars as much as I'd love yapping in the media about my vintage cars. But also, here's another thing. My cars being safe in Reno and me talking about my cars has nothing to do with anyone who lost their house. This is another chick think thing, which is like somehow me talking about Paul Newman's cars has emptied the aquifers and that's why the fire hydrants have no pressure. It has nothing to do with me. It has nothing to do with my cars. I could either talk exclusively about vintage cars or never talk about vintage cars ever again and it would not change by 1/10 of 1% anything that is happen to anyone in their building, their loved ones, their schools or their churches. So there is no anything to do. Now if somebody said, adam, you're a paramedic and you're part of the paramedic reserve corps and we need you to come out to the Palisades, and I said, I can't, I'm busy talking about my vintage cars, then maybe, maybe that would have some effect. But considering I'm just sitting in a hotel in Vegas and I'm a comedian and a podcaster, then no. How many responses did she give? And then why? Here's the other thing too. I want to say to everyone what happened that you have this kind of energy for everything because this is really something you should have zero energy for. If in your her, why so much energy?

[Alan Hamill]

No, what do you mean? She's sitting there on the toilet texting this for an hour and a half. She's watching Love is Blind Germany. You know, she's like multitasking, she's jerking off, changing the tire.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Nobody pays attention to her in real life.

[Adam Carolla]

Nah.

[Alan Hamill]

Yeah, I bet she does. I bet she's annoying to everyone. I'm telling you, I know this chick.

[Dawson]

The easiest way to determine how many times she replied would be going back in her Twitter and counting. But I have been scrolling from the top of her Twitter down for a solid 90 seconds and I'm not through yesterday. Yeah, she spends her whole day replying to people on Twitter.

[Alan Hamill]

Yeah, she has a work from home job.

[Adam Carolla]

I get when you get into a scrum was someone on Twitter and it's something you feel passionate about and you blame Newsom for the fire hydrants being empty and she's a. This other person defends Newsom. There's no Meat on this bone. It's just a car collection that I have that people ask where it is, and I said, it's in Reno. That's all.

[Alan Hamill]

See, again, you're attributing your wisdom to this lady. This lady has a narrow focus, so every. Every comment at her was a chance for her to fire back. So you guys are not understanding it, but she just spent the whole evening. She's like. She, like, had her dance card booked all night with.

[Adam Carolla]

I wonder how her Navy SEAL hero husband feels about this, because it's got to be the opposite of how this guy.

[Dawson]

She is also a.

[Adam Carolla]

She's.

[Dawson]

She's tweets a lot about COVID In her bio, it says, prosecute Fauci. And then recently, even after that reply to you, she replied to a different tweet from you saying, can you go one podcast without bringing up Covid? So she has Prosecute Fauci in her bio and wants you to stop talking about COVID So she's mentally ill.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. All right. And by the way, nobody hates Fauci more than me. Bitch, come on. All right?

[Alan Hamill]

She can't even see allies. That's how much she likes to fight.

[Adam Carolla]

We need to take a break. Alan Hayes Hamill. Now, Alan, of course, you guys know as a long, long time husband to Suzanne Somers. I know. Alan Hamill is a talk show host and a host and a guy I used to watch on tv. My supermarket was Alpha Beta. Alpha Beta was like poor man's Luckies. Picture your low end market. We had the hierarchy. You had Gel Wilson's at the top, Ralph's Safeway in the middle.

[Alan Hamill]

Food Lion Winn, Dixie Piggly Wiggly for me.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So. So. So why don't we. You know, it's funny because you could do a kind of trifecta hierarchy with everything. Like, you could go like me growing up. Levi's, tough skins underneath. JCPenney, super denim at the bottom, Dickies, Levi's.

[Alan Hamill]

Or like, yeah, 501. And then. Ooh, and then there was just, like, ghetto pants.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. Schwinn.

[Alan Hamill]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Raleigh, Huffy. Oh, that's it. So, by the way, I was at the bottom of all the lists, so I'm telling you, I don't need to talk about your family, your origin, what, your D for a living. You tell me. Levi's, Schwinn, Gelson's. I'm like, okay. Pretty fucking good childhood.

[Alan Hamill]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You tell me Super Denim, Huffy and Alpha Beta.

[Alan Hamill]

I'm like, economic indicators.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. I only need those three. This is the bike. You had a Schwinn, you had Levi's and you wrote it over to the Gelsons. You did. You're doing okay for yourself. Yeah, so I was huffy. Alpha Beta Super Denim, a JCPenney. So Alan Hamill did the commercials for Alpha Beta. Oh yeah, yeah. So I knew him, he was personal. He's a Canadian guy. Anyways, a friend and. But he told me the last time we went out to dinner in Malibu, because he loves Malibu. He did 25 minutes on the coastal commission and trying to rebuild and all that kind of stuff. So there's a lot of people speculating, are we gonna be able to expedite all this?

[Alan Hamill]

And he's the guy who never got his house rebuilt, so he didn't even have it burned down.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we got him in an Alpha Beta commercial just cause it's fun. Alpha Beta. Alpha Beta was in North Hollywood, in a bad part of North Hollywood. And my dad lived in a crappy apartment in North Hollywood. And we used to shop there and my dad would buy like 99 cent steaks, put them on a frying pan with no fucking handle. My dad's frying pan handle. Here's another thing, okay. My family would never buy a piece of furniture or a pan, a pot or pan or anything like that. They would just get recycled. They would get an old sofa and tuck a sheet into it. I didn't know you could buy new stuff. So my dad's old shitty pans, they heat cycled. And after they heat cycled, the plastic handle would bust off because it would heat cycle too many times. But we didn't throw it away or buy a new one. You just had to use a towel or your sleeve or T shirt to put the pan. And my dad didn't own. He was the only full blooded Italian that never owned olive oil. He didn't know what olive oil was, he didn't know what salt, he didn't season it. He just took this 99 cent steak that he got at Alpha Beta and he just throw it in this pan and just turn the flame on and just burn on both sides and go. Okay, then there's your dinner. So the Alpha Beta is where we used to walk to in North Hollywood. Here's Alan Hamill, by the way.

[Joe]

Hi, I'm Alan Hamill at an Alpha Beta market and with me is Hisi Beemet. Hisai. How long you been shopping at Alpha beta? Almost 10 years. Why?

[Adam Carolla]

Because I see through stickers all over the store.

[Joe]

Are these the Things that you buy you've been saving.

[Adam Carolla]

Some little English would be nice.

[Joe]

Do you have a friend you'd like to tell?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, go ahead.

[Joe]

Right out there. Okay. Alpha beta for extra reduced prices.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the Alan Hamill I grew up watching and later married Suzanne Summerson. And we hung out. We'd go to Alan's. I'd be invited to Alan's house. He's in Palm Springs now and a great guy. 89 years old or going strong. But I want to hear his story of the Coastal Commission. He's going to chime in later. Take a quick break. Got a lot more right after this.

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Jason Mayhem Miller]

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[Adam Carolla]

Traditional security systems only take action after someone has already broken in. It's too late at that point. I mean, let's face it, they've already broken in. It's got the word broken right in it. I've been using these guys for a million years. So as everyone who Works here and like I said, it's not hardwired so you can pick it up. You know, if you're renting, you move to a new place. Take the system with you. Simply say they have active guard outdoor protection. It changes the game by preventing crime before it happens. If someone's lurking around or acting suspicious, agents see them in real time, talk to them directly, set off your spotlights and even call the police. No long term contracts or cancellation fees. It's around a buck a for security and peace of mind. You owe it to yourself and you owe it to your family. It's simply safe. Right, Dawson?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

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[Adam Carolla]

Are under mandatory evacuations and obviously you can hear all of our phones are going off some type of of alert. We're just mapping out here. Are under mandatory evacuations and obviously you can hear all of our phones are going off some type of of alert. Evacuation warning it looks like. Yeah, my alert reads this is an emergency message from the LA County Fire Department. An evacuation warning has been issued in your area. Yeah. Remain vigilant of any threats and be ready to evacuate.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That's a great moment in local news. Now back to the Adam Carolla show.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, so I played you guys that clip joke and look for it. It's several months ago if you just want to know who who the Coastal Commission is. The Coastal Commission is like eight or nine super woke, youngish, lefty environmental douchebags who don't live anywhere near the coast and hate anyone who has enough money to live near the coast. And they're there, they say to protect the coastline, but they're really there just to tell everyone to fuck off and tries to do everything.

[Alan Hamill]

I figured you got to live there.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't think they could afford to live near the coast in la, but there was a tape we played several months ago which is Elon Musk wanted to launch at Cape whatever, Fort whatever, up Ventura county, up the coast from the fires, probably about 45, 50 miles towards San Francisco toward the north. And they don't like Elon's tweets. They don't like who he's friends with or whatever it is. So they weren't going to let him launch. Which is to say it's all politics. It has nothing to do with launching. It has everything to do with, I don't like that guy, cuz he's rich and he's white and he's friends with Trump. So that's who they are. And that's essentially why Alan Hamill doesn't get to rebuild. So, just so you know. And again, and I'm hoping. Well, not hoping, I kind of like it, but you're not supposed to say this stuff out loud if you're a black fire lady. You're not supposed to make fun of men who get stuck in a burning home saying it's your fault. You can get drunk and think that and you can tell it to your girlfriends, but you can't say it into a camera lens. And if you're the Coastal Commission and you're not supposed to say, when you're mic'd up, we're gonna tell Elon to go pound sand because we don't like his politics. You're not supposed to say that, cuz that's not supposed to factor into your decision. Your decision is, how much does this impact the coastline?

[Alan Hamill]

Well, we're in a new era of tribal politics.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. But I think people are gonna start shutting the fuck up.

[Alan Hamill]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

What I mean is, at some point, we're gonna elect a new lesbian fire chief. And then someone's gonna say, hey, lesbian fire chief, the gay parade's coming down the street. Why don't you pick up the gay flag and put your fireman uniform on and walk up and down and then we'll film you high fiving the bears, the trannies and the he shes. And then that person's gonna have to think, you know what? I don't think I'm gonna do that. Because in three years when the entire city burns down and people are calling me incompetent and I don't want that footage running behind the news story. Yeah, there you go. All right. We have the Coastal Commission saying whether they're going to let Elon launch or not, this is the lesbian that could be a chick. You all were. But I do share some concern from the Commissioner Wilson brought up because of the fact that, you know, last year we did see, you know, the owner of Starlink shut down Starlink when one of our allies was going to attack one of our adversaries. That's not true, by the way. He's not a commissioner. He was just testifying. So left wing radicals go out. Well, I guess that'll be Hugh Hewitt there, but I don't know. We probably have a better clip of that. That doesn't just talk about Starlink, but talks about what I was talking about, which is texts and tweets and things. But you can take a little time and find a good clip is what I'm saying. And it'll always be the clip I'm talking about. So if I don't say Starlink, then probably not.

[Dawson]

That's the one we had in our history about Elon.

[Adam Carolla]

We had. No, we didn't have Hugh Hewitt doing his breakdown. Or maybe we did. Maybe it's the second. Maybe it's the second after Hugh Hewitt. We got to the ladies a little bit later.

[Alan Hamill]

Maybe it's argumenting.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, maybe it's the one after. This is what you can do. And you can also scrub forward if you want and find that. So we'll see if we can find that. It's also salad days for the sign language guys. The sign language guys. I think it's a California thing.

[Alan Hamill]

You always have a guy on the side busting American Sign Language off to the side.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, yes, yes. Which I think it's more of a Democrat than a Republican thing. I think it exists on both sides. But if it's a California Democrat thing, that guy is not only in the frame, but he's banging elbows with whoever's giving the speech. He is up in their shit. Like they're right there. And the guy is kind of stealing the show because while the talking head stiff fire chief lady's just droning on, this guy's going full. He looks like the Australian breakdancing chick.

[Alan Hamill]

I know.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, he's in full ray gun. Yeah, he's in ray gun. He's in full ray gun mode. And I end up watching that guy not really listening. Also, again, you can just put the closed caption on your TV and read everything the person is saying, but the purists say that's not American Sign. American Sign is its own language.

[Alan Hamill]

And they have to do facial expressions and you have to watch the whole person's body. I get it. If I was deaf and knew American Sign Language and it's like up to the minute kind of, I would want to know immediately spoke to my. In my language. But I get it, too. We got closed caption. We got predictive closed captions.

[Adam Carolla]

You can read verbatim what the person is saying via closed captioning.

[Alan Hamill]

But It's a delay, so you don't see it immediately.

[Adam Carolla]

Listen, it's not the biggest thing in the world. It's just funny to me that these guys have had. First Covid was the greatest thing that ever happened to these guys, and then part two of these coastal fires where these guys are just animated, going nuts. I would also argue that it is. While I like enthusiasm and I like that you're doing your job with vigor, you can't steal focus, but you have to.

[Alan Hamill]

The ASL is, like, the reason it's so funny to us, because we don't know the language. So it looks like they're mugging and blah. But they have to perform the facial expressions. I know. It's a very strange language.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, how about can we do the box thing where they're down on the bottom eighth or something? Rather than banging elbows with Newsom, making fucking crazy faces and pulling just in.

[Alan Hamill]

A truck in a sprinter van.

[Adam Carolla]

You're pulling a lot of focus.

[Alan Hamill]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so we have some of that. We also have Coastal Commission. If we have it. You can put on my screen. If we have. You can write if we have it. Byron or whomever's pulling it. So here it is. Let's see. Elon Musk is hopping about the country. Gretchen is. All right, Started from the beginning. Go ahead. There we go.

[Joe]

Right now, Elon Musk is hopping about.

[Adam Carolla]

The country, spewing and tweeting political falsehoods and attacking FEMA while claiming his desire to help the hurricane victims. Okay, so anybody you don't think they're corrupt politically? So that's who you're dealing with, with the Coastal Commission. The apolitical nature under which you all work. Apolitical except for they're totally politicized. And that's why we don't have desalination plans or anything. We don't have anything because these people won't let us do it. But it's basically eight retards holding millions of people hostage with their politicized policies, which I think's gonna have to go.

[Alan Hamill]

Looks like it. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Alan Hamill]

I think that everyone is now, like, fomenting the dissonance. Like, everyone's getting angry at the word Democrat now, and people are starting to catch hold of that idea.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, they.

[Alan Hamill]

In California, I should say, because they.

[Adam Carolla]

Just need to reel it in and go back to the Bill Clinton era of Democrats, and then it'll be fine.

[Alan Hamill]

But it sounds like we need, like, sweeping deregulation for a lot of industries to get the California back to a growth Status instead of people leaving.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we'll see if they can do it. Because it's hard for them to do it. Mike August was telling me they're not gonna do it. They can't help themselves in doing it. I said, well, Mike, they got real gougey when it came to the film and TV industry. And the film and TV industry just left. They just went to Canada and they went to Atlanta, they went to New Mexico, they went to Prague, they just got up and left. So at some point the LA City Council and the mayor and everyone went, you know what, we're a little bit greedy, so we're going to lower the taxes and lower the regulation. So come on back. So they know how to backtrack when people are leaving, I guess, is what I'm saying now. They usually wait till people leave in order to backtrack and try to get them back. But I think they're going to have to adapt because. And so let's really kind of see if we can be consistent here. Regulation is good to a degree, and then it has to stop because once it keeps going, it becomes burdensome is what I'm saying. So it's like when Jimmy and Adam Perry Lang opened a restaurant on the west side. I was asking Adam, how's the sandwich, the takeout business going? And he said, we're not open for the sandwich and the takeout business, which was going to be some of their business. And I said, why not? He said, well, because by the window, where we slide the window open to hand people their sandwiches, we don't have our blower defector thing. Not defector, but deter thing blowing so a fly can't blow in, you know what I mean? So we don't have that signed off on yet. So we can't hand people sandwiches. So we can't do it. So I said, yeah, but There's a guy 8ft in front of you on the sidewalk selling ghetto dogs.

[Alan Hamill]

Yeah, exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

That he's making up on top of a shopping cart with a propane tank on it. That guy's fine. Yeah, that guy's fine. And right before I got here, right before the fire started, I was telling you guys at the Equinox I was at the sauna was too cold because they couldn't turn it up higher by law because the sensor was above it. And the snack bar wasn't open because they didn't see because they overregulate. And that's what it now saying. And there's a health inspector, okay, and saying that the Mayonnaise can't get into the 80 degrees because it'll go bad and people get food poisoned. Fine. All cities have that, all states have that. They're rules. I get it. When you make a freeway overpass, it's here's what number rebar we're using and here's how far it's gonna be spaced out. And here's the concrete, we're using standards. Fine, that's good, that's good. But then we have to stop at some point and Los Angeles doesn't stop. And that's when it becomes burdensome. I'll never forget. And I've had many. So I've been doing battles with inspectors my entire adult life.

[Alan Hamill]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And first when I was in the business and then later on when I was just doing stuff for myself. But like famously, I was installing a dishwasher in my home and the guy came in, the inspector. I was trying to get the final on the kitchen and the guy came in and he goes, there's no breather. The breather is that weird little 3 inch round snorkel thing that sits on top of every counter that used to be on every counter for the dishwasher. You'd hear it when it'd be filling or draining. It's like a breather. And it used to be on everyone. If you think about it, you don't see them anymore. But it was a part of our childhood. That weird chrome breather thing.

[Alan Hamill]

Yeah, new designs don't need that.

[Adam Carolla]

It was so the. It was basically so the waste water didn't cross over and get into the clean dishes or whatever it was. Okay. So that's how it used to be. Now this is like 2001, maybe 2000. So it hasn't crossed over yet. Now it's crossed over. So I said, the guy came in, he's going to give my final. And he goes, where's your breather? And I said, well, you know what? I got one of these Fisher Paykel high end new dishwashers. And if you look at the manual, page 32A, it's installation with the breather. And then page 32B is installation with the hoop of the gap air gap loop thing or whatever. But you don't have to have a hole in the top of your countertop where I, by the way, had a soap dispenser. And this guy said, we got to have a breather. And I said, well, the people that that manufacture this product say you can install it without a breather. And here it is. And it Would be a liability if there was a problem from the manufacturer. And the guy goes, you gotta have a breather. And I said, well, I don't want a breather. I don't want to drill a hole in the countertop and put this stupid three inch snorkel thing. But also, these guys invented a dishwasher that doesn't require a breather. And they're smarter than we are because they're from Europe. And this thing's like, like twelve hundred bucks. And he said, give me the manual. I'll take it in to my supervisor and I'll have him look at it.

[Alan Hamill]

It's coastal commission lesbians huddled around my breather.

[Adam Carolla]

My manual. So I said, yeah, good. Show them page 32B. Breather list installation. Just show it to him. Guy came back and a couple days later, he goes, yeah, we looked at it. He wants a breather. I said, I said, okay, come back tomorrow. I'm gonna schedule it for tomorrow. So. Okay. I never forget it. I got under the fucking sink and I undid the soap dispenser I had there. I then took a breather and, like, sat it on there and pulled a hose. We affectionately call it jerry rigging. Now, we used to call it something else on the job site. Hook, put the hose up. Remember turning the hose clamp and having the flathead blade, screwdriver slide off and cut my knuckle? Hooked it all up. Guy comes back, next day, sees the breather. I go, you give me a final. Goes, okay, I'll give you the final. Gives me the final. As the guy was pulling out of my driveway, I was underneath the goddamn thing, undoing the breather to throw it out, to put the soap dispenser back in, to do it the other way. That's what we're trying to avoid. Not the part where you put rebar in your concrete and not the part where you don't use ocean water to mix with the concrete and deteriorate the concrete. Not none of that. Just the stuff that doesn't make sense, that's all. Which we have a lot of. Speaking of that, where's my toilet?

[Alan Hamill]

It's in Nevada. I'm just waiting to someone to pick it up. Rudy. Somebody pick it up. You need me to go out there? I got a truck.

[Adam Carolla]

I want. I got a truck, too. I want my urinal sink. Yeah, that they will not ship to California.

[Alan Hamill]

Wait, wait. Why are you confessing to crimes against the state of California right now?

[Adam Carolla]

First off, they can all suck my dick. I've been Doing this for a million years, they won't ship. If it's an exhaust system for your car, if it's a urinal that has a sink above it, if it's laminated glass versus tempered glass or vice versa, if it's a flu less gas fireplace or whatever it is, it's always 49 states. Not California. You have to send it to somebody else in Nevada and they have to truck it. So your dad has my urinal?

[Alan Hamill]

Yep. Urinal sink is on route, I guess. I don't know. Somebody's like, look, my dad said this thing's weighing 200 pounds. If I was a weaker man, I couldn't have dragged it into the garage.

[Adam Carolla]

So we had it sent to your dad. Yeah, I drove in from Nevada yesterday.

[Alan Hamill]

I know, and I forgot to tell you.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, when Rudy, who's out there comes this way, he already, he already.

[Alan Hamill]

I wouldn't even mention it, but he already said he'd do it, so he's. I'm waiting on him to bring it out here.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so my point is, is either this thing is safe or it's not safe. It can't just be unsafe in one state. Everything can't just be unsafe in one state and fine in every other state.

[Alan Hamill]

I never even asked you what's the reason that. But it's illegal in California.

[Adam Carolla]

Illegal in California can mean a lot of different things. Like I said, you order stuff, especially if you do building. They'll say ships anywhere in the United States and then they'll go, except California. Why? Because we have a bunch of coastal commission bitches who sit around and just fucking make rules. That's all they do. It's all they know how to do. And we're gonna have to undo it. This some are more specific. They have to do with the environment, a lot to do with the environment, lots of cancer causing benzene, whatever. Every single gas pump in California has a sticker that says if you're pregnant, nobody pays any attention to it. They still pump their own gas, but this is all we do is put warning labels on everything and, or say you can't, you can't ship here. So it's pathetic. But these are the times we're living in. So they're going to have to roll some of that shit back and get it under control in order to expedite this. Otherwise they are going to have a mass exodus of their constituency. These are their donors. Like, okay, I'll put it to you this way. When Democratic presidential hopeful du jour rolls into town and they have their big star studded fundraising party. It is often in Malibu, it is often in Santa Monica, it is often in the Palisades. Like this is their constituency and their constituency is going to move to Nashville and they're never coming back if you fuck with them. So be prepared.

[Alan Hamill]

I figure right now, like we make, made the Taliban, like it's going to be a bunch of people who are well off and have influence moving back, trying to figure out how to do the regulation. You're going to have the Hamill effect where they're too angry.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, it's.

[Alan Hamill]

Maybe things will change now because enough people with influence will be angry.

[Adam Carolla]

It'd be nice. And let's not forget that. But the Japanese tried this on us during World War II.

[Alan Hamill]

Oh, to start fires with the balloons.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they sent, this is 1940s technology.

[Alan Hamill]

Yeah, they just sent up balloons with fire inside them.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, 1940s technology. Japanese sent up balloons to, to go into the Airstream, the Gulf Stream or whatever, fly over the Pacific Northwest, have the balloons come down with incendiary bombs and fire and timers, altitude timers, land and start a forest fire. And we would be busy putting the forest fire out instead of fighting the Japanese.

[Alan Hamill]

Little did they know, they just needed a couple meth heads.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, Alan Hamill, the great Alan Hamill is going to join us via Zoom. We'll take a quick break, come back with Alan right after this. Hey, it's Adam Kroll from the Adam Krola Show. Betonline is the world's most trusted betting platform and your number one source for online betting. From the earliest odds to in game live betting. Betonline provides you with all the action and the ability to watch and bet on games as they happen. With the largest selection of odds on everything from football, NBA, college basketball as well. BetOnline has NHL, MMA and championship boxing. All your betting needs in one place. Head to Betonline today to get in on the action with America's most trusted site for online wagering. So have some fun. Make these games in these events and these combat sports a little more interesting with bet online. Betonline, the game starts here. Adam and Eve. You want to have better sex immediately. Well, I got a brand new deal from Adam and Eve at Adam and Eve.comace go to AdamandEve.com Ace and pick any four sex toys for just 20 bucks. Absolutely the best deal they've ever offered. And there's a limited time. You get again, four. Four sex toys while supplies last. There's something for Everyone, you can save a buck 75, 175 bucks. Save up to one 75 bucks with this exclusive offer. Check out AdamandEve.com Ace to see what four sex toys will be yours for just 20 bucks, which is like five bucks a toy, which is practically free. AdamandEve.com Ace is the only way to get this offer. So spice it up a little. Have some fun. It's cold outside. Warm it up in the bedroom at Adam and Eve. Hydro Gyms during January, well, they suck because they get very crowded and they get very chaotic. A lot of people trying to keep those New Year's resolutions going. Get an immersive full body workout and you can do it from the comfort of your own home. Hydro rower. Yeah, and there's also sort of never an excuse because it's always there. And I have mine literally in my dining room, living room because it's beautiful. Looks like a piece of furniture. Looks like a piece of modern furniture. Hydro is a. Well, it's my go to for the full body workout. It works 86% of the muscles in 20 minutes. Low impact, minimal risk injury, combined strength and cardio. And again, it's all over in 20 minutes. No excuses. All workouts are led by Olympians and world class athletes and filmed all over the world. Outside and not in some stinky dank studio. But beautiful. It's beautiful. The time passes very quickly. Free standard shipping, 30 day risk, free trial and a one year warranty. It's all there. I love it. I love my hydro. Right, Dawson, Kick off the new year.

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I love this product. All their products. I'm wearing the sweats right now. While I'm sitting, you can't tell but. But believe you me, I am comfortable in public rec. Why settle for stiff restrictive fabric when you can have something that looks sharp and feels comfy. So it's got the look of dress like dress pants but it's comfortable like sweatpants. So it's what you call win win. And I got a limited time offer for my listeners. 20% off your entire order with code [e-mail] yeah, one of the few things I grabbed when I was fleeing Malibu was my public rec stuff and I've been wearing it around Vegas because it's like, it's like sweatpants that look like dress pants anywhere. They don't just go large and medium and small. You get the inseam, you get the width, you get the length, you get the actual size that fits you and you find the right color for you. They have navy, they have dark olive, they have stone gray. Plus a huge selection of high quality perfect fitting polos, shorts and hoodies. It's public rec. Get the best right, Dawson.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

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[Adam Carolla]

I asked my agent to ask the cat casting people. I said, I want to do an accent for this because it was the way it was written wasn't funny. The, even, the, even the battleship scene, there was nothing.

[Joe]

It wasn't funny.

[Adam Carolla]

And I had done a play with an actor named Jan Triskin who's Czechoslovakian, and he would speak everything to us like that. It was your. My battleship.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Happy new year. The 2025 ACE Awards coming this December. Now back to the Adam Carolla show.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, friend, TV host, producer and husband of the late, great Suzanne Somers. Alan Hamill has joined us from, I'm guessing Palm Springs area. Right, Alan?

[Alan Hamill]

Right.

[Joe]

Palm Springs it is. It's really weird because I'm looking at the TV and watching all the terrible things that are happening to a beautiful state. And then I turn my head to the right and the sky is blue and the sun is shining and there's no wind. And then I go back to the craziness and it's like, that's what it is. It's craziness.

[Adam Carolla]

I agree.

[Joe]

But bliss, it's just all crazy.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you know, they say, I was thinking about this the other day. May you live in interesting times. And that's not falling short for me. I realize these are interesting times and you can call them tragic, you can call them anything you want, but they're interesting.

[Alan Hamill]

Man.

[Adam Carolla]

There's a lot going on all at once. But the story, you know, I've okay, let me just encapsulate me. I've been railing against this stuff ever since they put a microphone in front of me because of my former profession, because I was a builder and I had to deal with this all the time in la, in California. And I would scream at everyone all the time. You're living in your rent control apartment in Santa Monica. You are doing nothing. You like this? You want more of this? Go out into the world, buy some land, try to develop it, hang your own shingle and then tell me how much you like this. Cuz I don't think you're gonna like it. Bill Maher, as I've said many times, tried to do solar about three or four years ago at his pad. And now he's been turned out because he realizes what the government is doing and how they're way over their skis. So when Alan and Suzanne at the time started speaking to me about trying to rebuild and their beloved Malibu, I of course, all ears, because this is something I'd been thinking about and talking about for many years. But walk us through it. First off, your old home was where exactly and what year was your fire?

[Joe]

I'm not good at dates, but it feels like our fire was probably 12 to 15 years ago. And we have been living in Malibu, I think, well over 20 years. And we were living in a little beach shack. Literally, it was a shack. However, it was our favorite home. Of all the homes we've built and renovated and lived in all those grand estates. This little shack was our favorite place. It was only 1900 square feet and I was permitted to build an additional 10% with no problems at all. That's the law. And I started with the Coastal Commission and then I stopped going to those meetings and I just had my architect go and they just don't want you to do anything.

[Adam Carolla]

That was 2007, I'm being told the fire from.

[Joe]

Yeah, okay, so how many years ago was that?

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. It's 18 years now, but 17 and change probably. Well, time flies when you're arguing with the Postal Commission. So, yeah, they have little rules like you can add 10%, but you have to have a parking, covered parking or something. They just, they all. They tack everything off parking.

[Joe]

Okay. So I'm sitting with the architect, who is a fancy architect from Montecito, and he had built two houses for us in the past. And we're talking to the. I guess it was planning. I don't know what the title of the department was at Malibu City hall, but we're talking to this woman who probably was in her 20s, but she looked like she was maybe 13 or 14 years old. And she didn't like us. She can just. The chemistry was awful. I mean, I went in there and shook hands and smiled and how are you? And blah, blah, blah. I got nothing from her.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Joe]

And the kind of date you want to take home early. And so she started talking about how many cars we would need indoor parking for. And the architect said, so you're going to eat up at least half the house parking cars. And he said, is there an appeal process? And she said, yes, there is. She said, I can tell you how to appeal this. And then this is the evil that came out of her mouth. She said, I'm entitled to respond to whatever you're complaining about relative to the appeal. Appeal process, but I'm very busy, so it's going to take me one year to respond. In other words, nothing's going to happen with your permit for at least another year. And that's when we thought, you know what, let's just get out of here. This is irritating. We have a beautiful family, we're happy, we have great things that we do for a living. And I don't want to have to deal with this person anymore. And that was it. We decided, okay, we're going to sell the land, which we did. And instead we built our dream home in Palm Springs. Not that we didn't have one before, but this was the, the dream dream home.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So, you know, you have a 27 year old chick with a four year degree who's making $37,000 a year chasing off high income, high tax paying. And also having Suzanne Somers and Alan Hamill in your neighborhood is a good thing. It's a selling point for others. It's a general good. Lots of money. And also the revenue, the revenue of paying all the tradespeople that have to come in and do all the work. The thing that's always funny with the city is because what I want to scream is, I'm not asking you to build me a beach house. I'm asking you to let me pay for my own house on my own property. I had the same thing. And what happens is the relationship can become adversarial, which is a weird thing. And you go in there and you find yourself putting on a bow tie and fixing your hair and going, hi, nice to see you. My name is Alan Hamill. Perhaps you've seen my Alphabet commercials from the 70s. Hey, somebody's lost weight. Because even though she has all the power over you. She's like that kid, she's like the kid from the Twilight Zone commercial who could Twilight Zone show who could wish you out into the cornfield. I remember I had to pull a permit in Glendale several years ago for a warehouse that I bought to build a mezzanine area on it. It. And there was like a 23 year old woman behind the counter at Plancheck. And I said, well, I bought this warehouse and I want to build this mezzanine. And she said, what are you planning on doing with the warehouse? And I said, well, I think I'm going to store some cars in there. And she said, they might let you do that. They might let me do what I want to do on the property that I purchased and I'm paying insane taxes on. That's what it's gotten down to. Some sort of weird adversarial. You know the feeling you walk in and you feel like you're walking into court and you're being accused of murder and you're like, okay, I'm gonna keep the judge happy, I'll make the bailiff happy. I don't wanna piss off the attorneys. Like, you walk in, you put your hat in your hand and you go, oh, hi. If it's not too much trouble, could I give you a whole bunch of money and then you could let me do stuff on my own property.

[Joe]

Which.

[Adam Carolla]

Is what it turns into, which is weird, right?

[Joe]

I know, I know. You know where. I had no problem at all. We bought a bunch of land. We, we lived in or we worked in Vegas for 10 years from 1980 to 1990. And we didn't want to live in Vegas, we didn't want to live in a hotel. So we bought a bunch of land 25 miles northwest of town in the middle of nowhere. We're the only property out there. And I hired a contractor. And he said, okay, when do you want to be in? I said, christmas. He said, Christmas? He said, that's, wow, that's three and a half months from now. I said, right. He said, this is a 6,000 square foot authentic adobe. He said, we have to order the beers and latias, you know, from New Mexico and we have to find someone who understands adobe plaster to bring them in with the trade. I said, yeah, okay. He said, you'll never finish my Christmas. I said, okay, tell every trade that I will be on site every day at 3 o'clock and I'll pay them in cash. We were in there by Christmas time. Oh yeah, okay. They kept they Were coming out on weekends with their wives and their kids. And the kids were running crazy in the desert. The wives sat around, you know, smoking and drinking coffee. And plumbers plumbed. And the electricians, the electricity. And we got the place build. Wham O. And that was it.

[Adam Carolla]

It is.

[Joe]

No. No problem with permits or anything else. It was beautiful.

[Adam Carolla]

So how long was your odyssey with the Coastal Commission and the permitting process?

[Joe]

Years. Years? Yeah, I stopped going. It was years. Just these people who have this power over you. And, you know, I. I only wish that they would hire people in the planning department in Malibu who lived in Malibu, because these people don't live in Malibu. And I think they were pissed off that they couldn't live in Malibu. I don't know what their problem was. They were just these angry young people. And I'm not used to being around angry young people. And it was just this terrible mood. Soon as we walked into the crummy little office with stuff all over the place, totally disorganized, and we made eye contact. I thought, oh, this is not going to be good. And it wasn't. She doesn't give a shit, really.

[Adam Carolla]

There is an issue which is sort of global, which I've definitely experienced going through security at lax, which is, uh, oh, here comes rich whitey. Well, now it's payback time. And it's like, I'm just trying to get to Denver to do a show. That's all. I'm sorry for what happened. I'm sorry for the past. I didn't abandon your family when you were nine. This has nothing to do with me. But I do happen to be 6 foot 2 and heterosexual and white. And I do have money, but you shouldn't take it out on me. And I think there's a lot of that. I think we're taking a lot of women who have a lot of issues with their dads and we're putting them as gatekeepers in all these positions. And now it's payback time. Except for we don't have a history. I just wanna rebuild my house or get to Denver to do a show. It's a sociological dynamic which is going on and as we speak. And no one wants to say anything about it because it always comes across as racist or sexist or xenophobic for.

[Alan Hamill]

Being a white boy in the hood.

[Adam Carolla]

So you understand. So, Alan, couple questions. Do you know what became of the house that was built on your property in this newest fire?

[Joe]

The answer is, I don't know for sure. I heard that it had burned down they built one. We had almost 200ft of ocean front, you know, and as you know, most. Most beach houses in Malibu have, you know, between 35 and maybe 65ft of ocean front. And we wanted to build this little shack, you know, on this huge piece of property we owned. And, you know, it just wasn't going to happen. I run into this, you know, it seems to be people who put uniforms. Okay, yes, I'm getting. Getting away from the building thing, but, like, the tsa, we're going through TSA in Toronto, and the guy who's sitting there looking at the screen, looking at the bags, going through the X ray machine, and he gets someone else to sit in the chair, and he comes over to me, and he said, would you mind if I put Suzanne's back. Back to go through the machine? We saw something. We have to look at it again, which was bs and he said, would you mind if I. Would you take a picture of Ms. Summers and myself? And I said, sure. Happy to do that. And I was so angry with this guy because we're running close to missing the flight. And he purposely put her back through so that he could come out and say, can I take the picture? So I said, sure, we can do that. So he gave me his camera, I took the picture, and then I turned off the camera, and I grabbed Suzanne's bag, and off we went. And when he looked at the picture, it had no heads. That was retributive justice. And the other. The other thing was in Germany, we're going through TSA in Frankfurt, and the guy goes through my bag, and he pulls out a bottle of wine called the President's Wine, which we got from Prime Minister Netanyahu on our visit in Israel. And he said, you can't take this wine. He said, only, you know, but you know the rules. I said, yeah, Yeah, I do. So I said, hand me the bottle. So he hands me the bottle, I take my finger, I push the cork down into the bottle, and I start chugga lugging the wine.

[Adam Carolla]

I love it.

[Joe]

Okay, Now Suzanne is standing next to me giving me that. I can't believe. Why do you always do that? I can't.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, and then.

[Joe]

That's right. So I chug a lug half the wine, and I handed it back to the guy, and he starts screaming at some other guy. And the people who were waiting in line applauded me. Okay, I. I wish we had had, you know, some video from that. It was wonderful. And, you know, because I knew they're going to Drink my wine for dinner. I just knew. Yeah, taking my, yeah, taking my wine away. You know, this is stupid American is, you know, brought us a wonderful bottle of wine.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you suspect they're going to fast track and streamline these rebuilds? Because, you know, if it's one person or couple of people, they can kind of deal with it. But once they get Fran Drescher pissed off and she starts screaming into a microphone and there's a chorus of, of celebrities and high rollers that are attacking the mayor and the city council and the governor, they'll crack instantaneously, cuz they'll do whatever's politically expedient. So I'm assuming they're gonna crack and they're gonna expedite this stuff.

[Joe]

They have to. They have to.

[Alan Hamill]

I'm covered on the news. I'm covered on the news today. That Gavin Newsom file issued an executive order to streamline the rebuilding after the fires.

[Adam Carolla]

Was your home right around the colonies?

[Joe]

No, it was about a half a mile further into Malibu Road. It was about halfway through Malibu Road.

[Adam Carolla]

So closer to the pier or further out?

[Joe]

No, it wasn't, it wasn't close to the pier.

[Adam Carolla]

It was further out. It was more towards. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Joe]

I mean it was right, you know, like in very close to central Malibu.

[Adam Carolla]

And so last couple questions. Alan, how's your doc? I know Suzanne Summers is getting a doc, as she should have 10 docs. How's that process going for you?

[Joe]

Well, right, you mean our documentary?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Joe]

We're in the middle of it right now. I have, I have been memorializing every moment of our family since the 60s when I was, you know, shooting little three minute pieces of film. And then I went to video soon as that was made available. So I have hundreds and hundreds of hours totally dedicated to the family from the time the kids were like five, six, seven. I mean, the kids now are in their late 50s and early 60s, which is pretty weird having kids in their 60s now. And so I'm in charge of screening because I didn't want anything that was a little too personal to be available, you know, for the documentary. But the nuggets I'm finding are wonderful. And I sit there for hours, not every day, but most days, looking at all of this, and I get very emotional with some of it, but it's wonderful. And what I'm going to do, we're, we're digitizing everything and I'm going to put it into some kind of digital box when it's all done. And only the immediate family will have access to it and it's going to be available for generations of Hamilton summers down the road. And I, one of the reasons I started this was because I never met my grandparents. They were killed by Hitler. Hitler. And I thought I would have loved to have heard them talk or laugh or watch them eat. I've got those post pictures that people used to take in the early 1900s. That's all I have. So I thought, I'm going to make sure that this family is memorialized going forward. And so that's basically, that's basically what I'm doing. And it's a pleasurable task and it's exhausting. When I finish at the end of the day and I lay down to have a little rest, well, it happened. I was supposed to go out for New Year's Eve and I ate dinner at home at 5 o'clock and it was too early to go to go out. I was going to go to Stone Eagle and it was too, too early to take off for New Year's Eve. So I started watching in the movie. And next thing I knew, I was awakened by what sounded like a war zone. Guys yelling in, bullhorns and sirens screaming and bells going off and explosions, etc. And I thought, my God, what's going on? And it turned out that I had slept through New Year's and it was my neighbors setting off their fireworks. That was the war zone.

[Adam Carolla]

Last question. Alan, you're quite a ladies man, a man of passion. And I know Suzanne said, don't mope when I'm gone. I'd like you to get out there, have fun, date, be with somebody. Are you dating right now?

[Joe]

Kind of. She said to me, I don't want you to mope around. I want you to live your life. And so I only moped around for a year. And then I thought, okay, I, I, Suzanne would approve of this. Actually, Suzanne would have approved it. No moping around at all. And so I, I, I didn't want to, I didn't want to go out. I didn't want to go out in public with one woman. You know, I didn't want to be. Alan found a new, a new woman in his life. So instead I invited two. And I've had several dates with two women. And you know what? I really like it. There's something about having two women laugh at my stupid jokes. And so I've kind of done that. And I'm going to segue into singles. And there are several women I've known for many Many years. Many years. I mean, like 30, 40 years. And who are really good women. I really like them a lot. They're. They lead purposeful lives. And so I. I am going to start dating, but, you know, there's no marriage in my future at all. And it's just going to be. We're removing the guardrails, the cultural guardrails, the way you're supposed to behave. And I'm just. I just. I'm going to free myself and just have fun for this, the cocktail hour of my life. However that long. However long that is. So the answer is yeah. Yeah. The answer is yes. I crave companionship. I only live alone in my entire life for two weeks. Hated it. I was bored myself. And so I really like companionship a lot. Will I ever live with somebody? Probably not. But I am. I am going to spend a lot of time with other people, not just women, probably mostly women. I love women. I get along better with women than I do with men. I've only had one night out with the boys. I hated it. You know, when I talk to some of my buddies and they say, hey, how about them niners? And I go, what Niners? Niners, yeah. So I can talk to women about their health, about bioidentical hormones and DHEA and pregnenolone and progesterone.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that's great. Last time I saw Alan, we did go out alone, and we did have a couple martinis in a steak. And I hope we can recreate that real soon.

[Joe]

Okay, me, too.

[Adam Carolla]

Maybe we'll come out to you in Palm Springs or.

[Joe]

That'd be great.

[Adam Carolla]

Malibu's extinguishing. Come out to us. But I hope to see you very soon, my friend.

[Joe]

Yeah. Always great talking with you and even better seeing you. So let's do that rather than just talking about it. I'll take charge.

[Adam Carolla]

Take charge. Get it on the calendar. Let's do it.

[Joe]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Great. Alan Hamill. Thank you so much, my friend.

[Joe]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Yeah. So try to rebuild. Couldn't take it anymore. Couldn't take the. Especially the attitude. That's the part that you don't realize. You come in there and it's sort of like, here's what it would feel like. It would feel like if somebody stole your cow. You bought a cow, you took care of a cow, and then they stole it. Right?

[Alan Hamill]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And then somebody said to you, so you've got to go in there, bring your checkbook, and convince them to give you your cow back. And you went, well, that is my cow. And they stole my cow. And you went, okay, the person went, look, drop the attitude. Because if you go in with that attitude, you're never getting your cow back. Bring your checkbook and go be nice and maybe they'll let you have your cow back.

[Alan Hamill]

What's the solution here? Because all I hear is the solution.

[Adam Carolla]

Is a huge fire or huge war. Yeah, those are the two things that then course correct things.

[Alan Hamill]

It's exactly what happened.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, we need to take a quick break. We'll do the news right after this. Rosetta stones setting 2025 resolutions how about learning a new language? It can enrich your life, help you think as well. Rosetta Stone, the most trusted language learning program available on desktop or as an app. It truly immerses you in the language you want to learn. Dr. Drew's a little bit of a snob. He speaks French, his wife speaks French, but not as good as he. And it's not conversational. And they're going to France. And he said he got Rosetta Stone for her and it cleaned it up. Man, it sounds so good now. 30 years they've been around. Millions of users, 25 languages, Spanish, French, Italian, German, Japanese, Chinese, Arabic. It's all there. No English translations. Learn to speak, listen and think in that language. Design for long term retention. Plus the built in truaccent feature gives feedback on your pronunciations. Learn anytime, anywhere and do it on your schedule. It's Rosetta Stone, right?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Jason Mayhem Miller]

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It's time to check Adam's voicemail.

[Adam Carolla]

Ace man, get it on. Finally did it. I've been threatening to do this for a while, but I go on work trips and by the time you hit that third or fourth day, your ass is raw. So I brought my own Charmin from home, put it right on the roller, and I'm gonna be living large this week. Anyway, get it on.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You can leave us a message at 888-634-1744 yeah, I've never been, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

I grew up very low rent. Well, maybe we'll add Charmin to the whatever. Almost see through weird unquilted single ply bullshit. Toilet paper they have. Yeah, but, yeah, sometimes you pull into a hotel or something and it's. It's bad times. Yeah, yeah.

[Alan Hamill]

Saving some money. Squeezing money with a single ply that you have to, like, roll over your hand six times.

[Adam Carolla]

Should we say this? You shouldn't be able to sell toilet paper if I can take a 20 watt bulb and put it behind it and it shines right through it without slowing it down at all.

[Alan Hamill]

We're counting lumens now.

[Adam Carolla]

Lumens. Candle power. Lumens and candle power. Some of the stuff you hold up, you could literally read through it, no problem in dim light. So you shouldn't be able to shine light through it.

[Alan Hamill]

You're saying more regulations here in California.

[Adam Carolla]

More regulations. Just when it has to do with toilet paper.

[Alan Hamill]

All right, here's the news before the break. You said that, you know, it's going to take a fire in order to roll back some of these regulations or war. Yeah. Well, Gavin Newsom issues executive order to streamline rebuilding after the fires. It suspends regulations under the California Environmental Quality act to allow people to.

[Adam Carolla]

We thought about this. Has anyone thought about this? We are going to need tons of tradesmen.

[Alan Hamill]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Tons of drywallers, tons of framers, foundation guys, rebar.

[Alan Hamill]

Yeah. Welders. This is going to be. Well, because I think people are going to build concrete structures now.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So when you build with steel, you bolt it together and you weld it. But anyway, we need tons of trades guys. Where are those guys going to live?

[Alan Hamill]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, where are they living? We don't have enough housing for us now. Then you have all these people that are out of a house, and now you are going to need an army of tradespeople. They're going to need barracks or something for these people. Because now it's like, hey, you know a good drywall guy? Yeah. But he's booked up for a few months. He won't be able to get them until March or so, whatever it is. Imagine that, times 20,000 structures.

[Alan Hamill]

This is going to be Winnebagos all down. PCA.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. I mean, we're going to need tons, tons of trades guys. And where are they coming from? Mexico, mainly. But where are they working? Oh, my God. We're going to need so many Mexicans.

[Alan Hamill]

Yeah. There's only so many Motel Sixes.

[Adam Carolla]

So the thing is, because the people here who do masonry are 100% Hispanic. 100%. All the stucco guys, all the concrete guys, the foreman guys, the finishing guys, all of these guys, it's all Hispanic, 100%. So we're gonna need like a stucco army coming in across the border, and we're gonna have to figure something out.

[Alan Hamill]

Give them H1B visas. There you go.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, like we do with the guys who come in seasonally and pick, you know, avocados or whatever it is. Like, they're gonna have to come in and there's gonna be an army of these stucco guys.

[Alan Hamill]

That's an interesting twist on the new administration, because they're gonna have to accept, yeah, we do need some immigrants.

[Adam Carolla]

And there is no drones or mechanized stucco. It's like, mix it up, spread it out. Army guys.

[Alan Hamill]

3D printed, you know, but. But it's kind of.

[Adam Carolla]

The 3D printing is interesting because I've looked into it a little, and the 3D printing is sort of actually. I don't know why, but I was thinking about this the other day. But when I took ceramics, we had this big thing that looked like a big handled orange juice maker, you know, industrial size, where you put the handle and you pull it, you know, and it was called the extruder. And the Extruder, you put a lump of clay in it and you pull the thing down and a snake of clay would come out, and then you'd make a coil pot out of it. That's what the 3D stuff does. It goes along and makes an inner and an outer out of, like, lightweight cement. Concrete. Cement is concrete. Concrete is cement with aggregate in it, with rocks in it. But it'd do like an inner and an outer, and it would just keep going on top. Like toothpaste on top of toothpaste. Just going, just building up. The inner part would be hollow. It would stop where windows were going and stuff, or they would form it out where windows would go, and then it would go above and so on and so forth. But it's fast. But those also. Everything is kind of radius with those things. They don't do sharp 90 degree angles. They just keep. Just keeps going in a circle and a semicircle and sort of serpentine. So it's kind of. Everything's got like a soft edge to it, which is cool and modern, but it's not also how.

[Alan Hamill]

Not everyone wants.

[Adam Carolla]

Everyone wants that. So there's going to be so much. Oh, my God. Yeah.

[Alan Hamill]

Yeah. Well, the Chinese word for crisis and opportunity is the same.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, we're also going to need to, like, Bust open some cement factories and stuff. Like we're gonna need materials.

[Alan Hamill]

It's gonna be like a countrywide effort to rebuild Malibu Palisades and wherever else goes.

[Adam Carolla]

That should slide back into the trades.

[Alan Hamill]

Maybe, maybe start again. The Newsom also extended a 2024 tax return filing deadline until October by people. Four people impacted by the fires also up there. And this kind of news, LA millionaires shell out $2,000 an hour for private firefighters as the overwhelmed city abandons neighborhoods to the flames.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, listen, we got lapd and then there's private security. Like, I don't know, the cops are there. The cops are there to keep the citizens safe. But if you're a high net worth individual and you don't feel that safe, then you pay somebody to make you feel safe. I don't know if the city's doing their job or not, but that's what you want. I feel the same way about this kind of stuff. Why not?

[Alan Hamill]

Yeah, this is just capitalism.

[Adam Carolla]

Plus the city is pissed poor doing stuff. Whether it's you not getting your Rolex stolen out front of a restaurant or your house not burned down. I think, I think we've figured out that they do a pretty shitty job at their job, so you're going to have to farm out others to do it. I don't know what's different. This and private school. Half these people, 85% of these people's kids go to a private school. Because the LA Unified School District sucks.

[Alan Hamill]

Well, I think the backlash is coming from the people See what's happening here. It seems like igniting, sweet. Sort of a class warfare. And everyone views themselves as fighting against the government by saying, oh, you're getting special treatment because you can afford to do what the government can't. And that's.

[Adam Carolla]

I know people do that all the time. They go, why should you get whatever. Fill in the blank. When you have money, you have a safer life. Yeah, you drive a newer car. The newer car is safer than the older car. You live in a safer neighborhood. You don't have to park on the street and up the street where you could get rolled or jumped and tickets and everything. Yes. You eat healthier, cleaner food, so on and so forth. Yes, the list goes on and on and on. That's how it works. That's how it's always worked. So fuck off. If you don't like the way it works, then you got to figure out a way to make more money because the city's not going to close that gap.

[Alan Hamill]

What I think is happening is A lot of people. Because there's a lot of backlash where millionaire real estate investor Keith Wasserman had a call for someone to connect them with private firefighters. I believe on X he went and asked for a private fire and everyone really piled on him. And I think what's happening is there's big divide between rich and poor now and a lot of people are pretty angry that their dreams haven't come true.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what's weird? As a former poor person who grew up around poor people, we didn't have a lot of ire or thoughts about rich people. I assumed rich people worked harder, were smarter, more educated and took care of business better than the Corollas did. And that's why they were rich. I don't think this ever comes from actual poor people. I think this is rich whitey. This is basically the bitch who was complaining about my cars. This is not who you think it is. You know, they go, there's a lot of poor people who don't have, you know, it's like, yeah, but they're not saying anything. Poor people sort of go to work. They don't really know about all this shit. I mean, all the poor people I've ever employed or worked with or been on a job site with, they didn't talk about this. They just fucking worked. And they would talk about stuff like what they were gonna do this weekend.

[Alan Hamill]

It's Internet class people, people who have enough money to have a nice high speed Internet connection.

[Adam Carolla]

It's sort of, it's a little Karen, It's a little also higher bracket st. Like during COVID all the people that were screaming at each other were all these sort of higher end people. The lower end people went to their fucking job at Chipotle and just worked at Trader Joe's Alpha Beta. I don't know if it's still there. Hope it's.

[Alan Hamill]

Yeah, I've never even seen one of those.

[Adam Carolla]

So depressing. So depressing. The poor people I know always just got up and went to work. They didn't sit around and argue on the Internet. I don't think these aren't poor people complaining. These are slightly less rich people complaining about rich people.

[Alan Hamill]

Yeah, maybe you're right about that. Could be. But yeah. So Rick Russo, former water commissioner, the outspoken critic of the fire response, took similar heat online after New York Times revealed that he had hired private muscle to protect his home. Home with the flames. I mean, home from the flames.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. All right, well look, you want your home protected? The LA fire department's not cutting it and you have a lot of money, but you don't have a lot of time, so what the fuck are you gonna do? I mean, that's the way people work also, by the way. That's why. Part of the reason why people want money is for these reasons. But I don't know, it's like saying, oh, you got your TSA PreCheck thing and now you got clear and you get to go to the front of the line. Yeah, yeah, I signed up for it and I paid for it. That's an option. What do you get to. Why you get to go in the first class lounge? Because I got a ticket that's 3,600 bucks and then I paid this much for this credit card and now I get to go sit here. You don't get it. That's how it works way the world. So it's always work well on the.

[Alan Hamill]

Other end of this. Okay, the other direction. An alleged looter dressed as a fireman was detained in Pacific Palisades. There's two looters who were. One of whom was dressed like a firefighter with the boots and everything, was detained by Los Angeles County Sheriff Deputy, Pacific Coast Highway. It's unclear what time the suspects were stopped, but a local photo photographer here you can see spotted the pair on a scooter and a moped.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah.

[Alan Hamill]

Fire boots he was wearing. You know, they're riding up pch, apparently. And two Crime Prevention Prevention Unit deputies from LA Sheriff's Department, Santa Clarita Station.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Alan Hamill]

Detained them. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

White guy, I guess.

[Alan Hamill]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Refreshing.

[Alan Hamill]

I mean, he doesn't really. He looks like he's cosplaying as a firefighter. Doesn't look legitimate.

[Adam Carolla]

There is a weird thing. It's sort of like when the prostitute dresses up like a nurse. You know, that's not something she wears. You know what I mean? There is a. There's a. For me, you know, when I see it, you see it. If you have any kind of expertise. And when you see a movie and the guy plays an MMA guy and it just looks wrong. It's weird. It looks wrong. You know, for me, guys who are supposed to be on a construction site in sitcoms and stuff and movies and stuff, they're always wearing brand new boots and brand new bags. Like their leather bags are stiff and shiny and never been worn before and there's nothing in them. And I'm like, he's holding the wrong hammer for framing. He's got a little finish hammer with a smooth head on it. He's supposed to be framing, you know, And I'm like, it looks wrong. It looks off. And these guys, cops and firemen, when they see the skinny dude coming in with the yellow jacket on, they probably go, that guy doesn't, you know, at first glance.

[Alan Hamill]

Yeah, exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

He doesn't. He's not wearing it, right.

[Alan Hamill]

Oh, yeah. This firefighter is riding a bird scooter.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Alan Hamill]

That's probably not a real firefighter.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. He's riding a wheelie on a bird.

[Alan Hamill]

But this is maybe a nothing bird.

[Adam Carolla]

He's wearing sketches.

[Alan Hamill]

They thought these guys might be looting, but they handcuffed a man. Someone said that later, they let him go. So, yeah, no, no charges.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. What's I get? Looting. Okay, so here's the thing about looting. Walking out with a TV is kind of not going to work. Right. Because it's like TVs. My TV was a 13 inch black and white Zenith. You could walk out with it. Walking out with anything under 80, 85 inches, there's no street value.

[Alan Hamill]

You're not gonna believe I had that same TV. I didn't realize once you said 13 inch black and white. We had that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that you had my mom's tv. Yeah. So, I mean, now you're walking out with a giant TV set. Very bustable. It's got to be all. It's got to all be jewelry. Right?

[Alan Hamill]

Right. That's the only thing I can imagine that these guys might have been after, or anybody in that gentleman general business, if you want to call it that, you go through and sift through to see whatever is not molten.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I tell you, while some people were paying initially for their own private firefighters, now the next check has to be paying Koreans to get on the roof with a 30 06. Because nobody deals with looters like Koreans. Yeah, I would just. If I was Rick Caruso, I'd just go down to Koreatown and go. I'd go into every liquor store and go, you got a 19 year old son? Yeah, I do. Where is he? Bring him over. I'll give him 80 bucks an hour. Come here. Bring your 30 at 6. You put the Korean on the roof, by the way, one Korean on one residential roof.

[Alan Hamill]

Bird's nest.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, bird's nest. Good for 14 houses.

[Alan Hamill]

270.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. It's not just. Just your house. Yeah, I know. You're right. Everybody can pass the hat. The Koreans will handle the house. He's on four houses to the right, four houses to the left, and nine houses in front.

[Alan Hamill]

You need six Koreans per acre.

[Adam Carolla]

I think six per acre. No, actually, you only need 1.3 Koreans per acre.

[Alan Hamill]

My mistake. My math is wrong.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Because an acre is really just kind of a big double lot. Or half acre is kind of a double lot. I've had a house on an acre of land. I had a house on a half acre of land. I only needed 1.3 Koreans per acre. So some of these houses have acreage. So you need 1.3 Koreans per acre. And what I'm talking about is about rights. About four houses. The Korean sits on the roof of the middle house. Four houses to the right.

[Alan Hamill]

I'm thinking that squat that they do, like, all butt to heel.

[Adam Carolla]

Prone. Prone. Oh, position.

[Alan Hamill]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Four to the left, and then the nine in front is good enough.

[Alan Hamill]

Can Mike Ryan be a Taekwondo expert?

[Adam Carolla]

He can have some skills, but he's not gonna need to use them because he's up there at the 30. 06.

[Alan Hamill]

I just want him. If he's overrun by a zombie horde of looters, I want him to be able to handle.

[Adam Carolla]

They're never. It's the one shot. The one. First off, they hear the bolt action. They hear that there's the one shot overhead, then the bolt action, and then everyone scatters. That's it. Because during the riots in LA, that whole Rodney King thing and the whole 1991 or whenever it was, April 24, 1992. Oh, really? 92. They went up. Those Koreans who own those liquor stores are like, hey, Schwartz's, you ain't burning our place down. We go to the fucking roof. Those roofs have something called a parapet. It's from medieval times, but they still have parapets. And they're three foot a block, and they get right behind those parapets, and they start shooting. They start shooting, and guess what? Lo and behold, magically, their liquor store doesn't burn down. So, Rick Caruso, pay the firemen. Now we got to pay the Koreans. You got a Korean on your roof, Nobody gets near your fucking house. There's no looting. There's no nothing. And again, it's only, like, three Koreans per block. Really? It's not even that.

[Alan Hamill]

I got a bunch of family that is hankering for this job right now. If they could get a H1B visa from North Carolina.

[Adam Carolla]

North Korean, I'm looking for North Carolina. Okay, listen, no offense. I'm sure you guys are fine shots, I'm telling you. Yeah, but the Miller's up there, they get bored, and next thing you know, the guy reaches for the cooler. He's like, I'll just take one white Claw starting to get cold, starts drinking a little bit. Next thing you know, puts the gun down next to him on the chimney. The thing falls over because his phone rings. She reaches for the phone, it knocks the gun over. It slides down the roof. You start drinking harder. Next thing you know, you get shit faced up there.

[Alan Hamill]

They just start shooting Willy nilly.

[Adam Carolla]

I need you on what's called the ridge rafter. You understand? There's a ridge rafter. It's the one that runs along the ridge. The rafters go up, they tie into the ridge rafter. You sit on that ridge rafter. You got one leg on one side, you got the other leg on there. So that ridge rafter goes right across your. You hear me? And you just sit there at that 30:06, face blacked out, of course, not staring at YouTube, not drinking white cloth, just sitting there and. No, no, your face isn't. No, no.

[Alan Hamill]

Oh, you want them to see.

[Adam Carolla]

I want you to be very visible.

[Alan Hamill]

Oh, well, then you're going back to the Millers. We have a loud voice. We can be very visible. I will shoot you if you enter that house.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, I'll consider. I'll consider anybody. But I'm starting with the Koreans and the guys that have good liquor store, roof parapet shooting experience.

[Alan Hamill]

All right, well, look, you might want to chip in on this fun. David Spade offers $5,000 reward to catch la arsonists amid deadly fires. Keep your eyes peeled.

[Adam Carolla]

He says there's guys lighting fires out there, make this shit worse. They just caught somebody we're pretty sure was lighting fires, walking on the blowtorch and let him go. So if you can find someone lighting a fire and you catch somebody and you can get the cops to bust them and throw them in jail, give you 5,000 bucks. So keep your eyes peeled and do what you can out there. Don't fake it, though. No staging. Let me know.

[Alan Hamill]

I like how he, like, figured that out at the end of his Instagram video. Yeah, he like, went, oh, wait a minute, don't fake it. You know, in my neighborhood, there's a guy, the pictures of him with a fire starting device, then said, the arsonist is back. And it was a printout to our whole building. Be on the lookout for this guy, bald head, white beard, ready to set something on fire. Serious.

[Adam Carolla]

You want to borrow one of my Koreans?

[Alan Hamill]

Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

Because that put an end to the arson guy. Lickety spider.

[Alan Hamill]

Absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

One shot into the dirt next to his foot and then a go on git, but done it with a Korean accent. Go on get, get. My Korean not only takes care of looters, but takes care of arsonists as well.

[Alan Hamill]

This guy is multifaceted. It's a nice sharp. And if he's a taekwondo expert on top, I think that there's.

[Adam Carolla]

I know you're a hand to hand guy, but he's up on that roof.

[Alan Hamill]

Oh, this guy, he's smoking hella cigarettes. I believe it.

[Adam Carolla]

He smokes.

[Alan Hamill]

He smokes.

[Adam Carolla]

Obviously that's his thing. Yeah, that's fine. I don't have any problem with that. The house survived the fire. It'll survive a Korean smoking, but yeah, that'll get rid of the arsonist as well.

[Alan Hamill]

Yeah, David Spade's gonna kick 5,000. Recently a homeless man was tackled and zip tied by onlookers who he was suspected of start trying to start fire with a blowtorch and wooden hills. Yeah, I saw it too. It was wild that the whole community tackled this guy and zip tied him. Who had zip ties? Who's ready for this?

[Adam Carolla]

That's a good point. Probably an electrician or a guy who does home theater. The number one user of zip ties are home theater guys. They bundle all those cords together, stop. Yeah, yeah, zip ties. You know, if you're doing home theater work, you gotta have zip ties, little.

[Alan Hamill]

Zip ties, and clip it off so that it looks real sleek.

[Adam Carolla]

Never pick up the clipped part.

[Alan Hamill]

No, no, never. Never did.

[Adam Carolla]

Never pick up the clipped part. They never do.

[Alan Hamill]

Yeah, they leave it back.

[Adam Carolla]

They just clip them and they walk away. Yeah, electricians are with zip tie clipping. What? A lot of smokers are with butts. Like, they just launch them and they're like, all right, but that is going to land on the ground and then somebody's got to clean it up at some point. All electricians, every sub I've ever worked with, they pull the wire out, they clip it, they strip it. They do a clip clip. They strip it, they put the plug in, put it in the wall. And then when you show up, you'll see the two little stripped pieces of wire and the two clips. They will never. And any zip tie, there's some weird thing, because it's kind of weird like in life, you know what I mean? Let's just say. Let's put it to you this way. If you're having a drink, a beverage, like a soda, and you get a straw, I'm looking at you, Joe. I don't know why. So you get this straw and the straw's got the little paper sack on the other side of it, and you're just kind of walking down the street and you, like, tear the thing up and you pulled it off and you're putting in your drink. If the little paper sack thing fell onto the ground, you would stop and you would pick it up because you go, oh, I don't want a litter. I dropped this thing on the street. But cigarette butts and clippings and zip ties don't fall under that heading. Which is weird because the clip on the zip is 7 inches of plastic that will survive the holocaust. Like, it's never gonna break down. It's not gonna rain. At least the paper. The next time it rains, is this going to, like, decompose and wash away now? And cigarette butt's not going anywhere either. But for some reason, certain stuff counts is litter, and certain stuff doesn't count is litter. On every job site, you know what you get? The job can be done. The last guys that come in are the electricians that are putting the plugs in and they're clipping the wires and they're stripping the wires. And then they got the little cellophane where the plug plate goes over it. The plug you will find by every single one, you'll find that little box cardboard with cellophane. It. That's where the receptacle came in. And then the clipped wires and everything. It's just. They just leave it there. And there's something weird because all the other trades, like if you're the carpenter guy and you get your router out, you're mortising the hinges or whatever, then when you're done, you like, sweep it up especially it's finished. It's like an almost done job. Like you're doing finished work. Something about those guys.

[Alan Hamill]

I've.

[Dawson]

I've done a little bit of construction work and I feel like when you're doing construction, everybody's on a team except the electrician and the plumber. They come in. They're separate from Quaid.

[Adam Carolla]

They come.

[Dawson]

They're like, some asshole that's not me is going to clean this up. Some guy in this crew will sweep this up.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Alan Hamill]

Yeah.

[Dawson]

They're the smokers of construction guys.

[Adam Carolla]

They are the smokers of the construction guys, which is. They're not part of the crew. They're subs. They come in, they charge a lot. They work one day and they go, that Mexican guy at the broom, he can handle what I'm laying down and they never do.

[Alan Hamill]

Makes sense to me.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Alan Hamill]

You kind of look at yourself as an. I read the Electrician book. It's a big thick book, so I feel like they feel like eggheads on the construction side.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what kind of world I want to live in. Electrician pulls the receptacle out of the box, throws the box on the ground, takes the clippers, strips the wire, wires it up, starts to walk away. Here's the bolt action of the 3006 from the paranch. Dawson's walking down the sidewalk, throws the butt, here's the bolt action, stops, looks around quietly, picks the butt back up, puts his hand up gingerly and just keeps walking. That's the world I want to live in. I may keep my Korean full time.

[Alan Hamill]

Rooftop Korean. Everywhere overbounding watch, just overwatch everywhere you go.

[Adam Carolla]

I had a pool guy who would skim the pool. And then when he was done skimming all the leaves out of the pool, instead of throwing the leaves into the green barrel, he'd dump them into the flower bed. I fired him because eventually he wouldn't stop. I'd find big wet piles of leaves in the flower, he'd skim them all of the pool. And then instead of walking 20ft to the trash can, he just dump them in the flower bed. When he hears that bolt action, it's like he starts to dump it in, hears the bolt action and is like slowly starts to move toward the trash can, puts the hand up, hand goes up, starts walking toward the trash can.

[Alan Hamill]

That and this Korean never talks. He's just looking over top.

[Adam Carolla]

Gardner comes in there, he's cleaning up the dog shit. Instead of throwing it in the receptacle, you see him just sort of throw it in the ivy. He hears the bolt action, goes back, everyone just puts their head down real slow, puts the hand up, starts walking into the ivy to get the fucking shit out of the. And that's eventually they all get coached up, do you know what I mean?

[Alan Hamill]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

I go out of town, I'm doing shows in Utah, then I'm off to Atlantic City. My girlfriend comes walking up with her new boyfriend, you know what I mean? Looking around, Adam's not around. Tell Sonny here's the bolt guy, just puts a hand up, just starts walking back to the car, you know what I mean? Unless she puts the hand, slowly walks into the house.

[Dawson]

And you only need to employ him for a certain amount of time. Once, once people know, then you could just have a bolt action sound.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's right, that's right. Pavlov's dog, right? Yeah. Or there's the porch pirate who wants to grab what's on the porch. He hears the bolt action. Jehovah's Witness. Turns his bicycle up, you know, oh, turns that bike and all. It's all hand is going to go. Head goes down and they just start, they start leaving the property. That's all.

[Dawson]

Just hook it up to the ring. Camera motion detected. Bolt action sound.

[Adam Carolla]

Bolt action sound. Fucking everyone stops what they're doing. Hand goes up, they just start walking back to the street. All right. I don't think we're going to do any better than that. Solana beach, belly up. Doing a couple of shows this Sunday. Jay Morris going to be with me 6:30 show, 9:00pm show as well. Covina Laugh Factory with Paul Rodriguez, everybody. That is coming up January 22nd and Boca Raton, Florida at the Black Box Theater January 30th. Then the 31st Naples and 32nd Naples or first Naples. I'm going to go with. Yeah, I was on a roll, man. You got McCrolled.com for all the lots live shows. What do you got, Manuka, honey? No.

[Alan Hamill]

Yeah. Samuel manuka.com mayhem. But thanks everyone for coming out to Jacksonville for the MVP event. God bless you guys. Thank you very much.

[Adam Carolla]

The great Alan Hamill will be talking to him soon in person, God willing. Until next time, Adam Cor, Alan Hamill and Mayhem saying mahalo.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You can leave us a voicemail at 888-863-44-1744 and get tickets to see Adam Corolla at AdamCorola.com.

[Adam Carolla]

Pluto TV is the.

[Dr. Drew]

Place for movie fans like me and TV fans like me. They've got something for everyone and it's totally free. You can binge laugh out out loud sitcoms like Frasier and rewatch cult classics like Higher Learning. Whether you're in the mood to solve a little crime before bedtime with NCIS or Tracker or curl up with a surefire hit like Forrest Gump, run for it. Pluto TV has thousands of movies and shows, all for free. Pluto TV stream now, pay never.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey fans of freedom and open discussion. I'm heading over to Substack and there's an ad free audio and video version of the Adam Carolla show that's going to be waiting there in the near future. You'll even be able to watch ACS live unedited as we record it, participate in the show via live chat that'll be coming up very soon. You also get an ad free version of the Adam Coral and Dr. Drew show. You also get an exclusive to my new podcast, Beat it out, where I share unpolished ideas with my comedian buddies. The first series of episodes is going to be Jay Moore. You'll get all this and more for the low, low price of nine bucks a month, a pittance for all we're going to bring you. Subscribe [e-mail] substack and I'll see all of you in our new speakeasy called Substack.

[Dr. Drew]

Pluto TV is the place for movie fans like me and TV fans like me. They've got something for everyone, and it's totally free. You can binge laugh out loud sitcoms like Frasier and rewatch cult classics like Higher Learning. Whether you're in the mood to solve a little crime before bedtime with NCIS or Tracker, or curl up with a surefire hit like Forrest Gump, Pluto TV has thousands of movies and shows, all for free. Pluto TV Stream Now Pay Never.