Alana Stewart + Dana Workman (Carolla Classics)

Summary

Podcast Summary: Adam Carolla Show - “Alana Stewart + Dana Workman” (Carolla Classics)

Date Aired: March 28, 2026
Guests: Alana Stewart, Dana Workman
Main Hosts/Panel: Adam Carolla, Allison Rosen, Brian "Bald Bryan" Bishop, David Damashek, David Wild

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Episode Overview

This episode of the Adam Carolla Show is a "Carolla Classics" edition, spotlighting memorable segments from the show's history with guests Alana Stewart (actress/author) and Dana Workman (TV host and investigator). The episode primarily revolves around Adam’s comedic observational banter, stories about car racing and celebrity encounters, deep-dive conversations with Stewart and Workman about their lives and careers, and classic discussions about pop culture, sports, and 70s kitsch.

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Key Segments & Discussion Highlights

1. Racing Adventures and Car Culture

Timestamp: 01:28 – 10:29

• Adam recounts a hectic race weekend at Carmel Valley/Monterey, balancing shows, car expenses and team logistics.
• Describes visiting Vic Edelbrock’s yacht during Pebble Beach, attending exclusive car events (Quail Lodge, Jaguar suite), and the camaraderie among his crew.
• Memorable Quote:
  • “Nothing better than a glass of Red wine in your hand, and walking through Edelbrock's yacht, barefoot, nicely toasted...” — Adam (05:00)
• Talks about racing against 935 Porsches and near misses at Laguna Seca, including a “big boy” crash.
• Appreciation for the beauty and community of vintage car racing.

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2. Music & 70s Nostalgia with David Wild

Timestamp: 10:29 – 23:01

• David Wild and Allison Rosen share stories about their favorite 70s bands (Southside Johnny & the Asbury Jukes vs. Bruce Springsteen).
• Play and discuss horn-driven tracks from the era, including Chase’s “Get It On.”
• Memorable Exchange:
  • Adam mocks the confusion around the “Jukes/Jews” band name for comic effect.
• Tangent on the “impulse” retail gifts popular in the 70s, from mood rings to novelty store signs, and how these knick-knacks colored American childhood.

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3. 70s Kitsch & Social Commentary

Timestamp: 23:01 – 31:57

• Extended riff on obnoxious novelty business signs, 70s gift shops, and mood rings.
• Adam contrasts today's flavor-overload culture (bagels, teas, etc.) with vintage simplicity.
• Glib/controversial humor about license plate frames, “old-school” crude jokes about sexual topics—typical of Adam’s unfiltered comedic style.

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4. Classic Adam: Reflecting on Darker Humor & Racy Riffs

Timestamp: 31:57 – 35:07

• Banter about 70s movies’ problematic depictions of sexual assault, riffing on how standards have changed.
• Adam launches into a crude commentary on “legitimate rape” as a punk band name and the troubling discourse in current news cycles.

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5. Interview Feature: Dana Workman ("Haunted Highway," SyFy)

Timestamp: 36:33 – 47:00

• Dana joins in-studio to promote her paranormal show and discuss LA upbringing, family, and early creative ambitions.
• Adam explores the “bathroom line” etiquette at exclusive car events, riffing on the need for universal “occupied” codes at public restrooms (with characteristic tangents).
• Chat about Jack Osborne (her “Haunted Highway” co-host), overcoming health challenges, and the chemistry of former “fat kids” turning into high achievers.
• Adam’s signature “childhood trauma shapes adult drive” theory, exemplified by Jerry O’Connell.
• Quote:
  • “You always see that fat kid looking back at you in the mirror and you do another 10 pushups... the good looking guy always sees the guy with the washboard abs…” — Adam (43:50)

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6. UFOs, Ghosts & the Regionality of the Paranormal

Timestamp: 47:00 – 50:00

• Dana shares stories investigating “Skinwalker Ranch,” infamous for UFO sightings and “skinwalker” folklore.
• Adam relates how paranormal beliefs are more prevalent in certain states, less so in the San Fernando Valley.
• Playful banter about hoping (or fearing) alien abductions and ghost sightings.

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7. News & Cultural Commentary

Timestamp: 47:38 – 67:46

• Allison Rosen and the team cover the deaths of Tony Scott (discussing his apparent suicide and brain tumor rumors) and Phyllis Diller.
• Extended riff on ways to die, what constitutes "a good run," and society's shifting views on aging and legacy.
• Phyllis Diller stories, the “punchline per minute” ambition in classic US comedy.
• Controversies around Congressman Todd Akin’s “legitimate rape” comments, cultural definitions of rape and consent, and the struggle to find consensus in science and politics.

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8. TV & Reality Show Satire

Timestamp: 68:45 – 79:56

• News about Blair from “Facts of Life” joining “Survivor,” Adam’s love of Jeff Probst, and nostalgia for the puka shell necklace era.
• Jokes about “reality show fatigue,” the rise of “Tanked” (show about aquarium makers), and “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.”
• Reflections on cultural shame vs. today’s oversharing TV age.

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9. Interview Feature: Alana Stewart (“Rear View Mirror” author)

Timestamp: 193:38 – 256:34

• Deep dive conversation on Stewart’s Texas upbringing, absence of her father, and her mother’s struggle with prescription drug addiction.
• Asks about life-changing trauma (being raped at 18), the impact on her self-esteem, and how it propelled her to pursue a modeling career in New York.
• Stories of her marriages to George Hamilton and Rod Stewart, including “rock star” tales:
  • Coke-and-booze-fueled celebrity flights (with Robert Mitchum, Elton John, and more on a 747 pub).
  • Backstage and on-the-road excesses during the disco era.
• The making of Farrah Fawcett’s cancer documentary filmed by Stewart, giving insight into Fawcett’s intelligence, business savvy, and resilience.
• Adam probes for stories that reveal the real Farrah, not just the “poster” image.
• Quote:
  • “She was sharp. She went over all her own contracts... she ran circles around the attorneys.” — Alana Stewart (221:05)
• Lighthearted bits about 70s airline stewardess jobs, Trans Texas Airlines, and the shifting standards for celebrities picking up women.

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10. Final Banter & Reflections

Timestamp: 252:05 – 257:37

• Adam’s parenting misadventures: hiking with his daughter, “pee pants” stories, and lessons learned from misdirected nature whizzing.
• Throwback to classic Carolla themes: mechanical skills, “turning a bowl” with Nick Offerman, preference for tactile accomplishments.
• Plugs for Alana Stewart’s memoir “Rear View Mirror” and upcoming comedy show dates.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• “Never seen white people so happy, right? You round eyes know how to party.” — Adam on Monterey car week (05:54)
• “Create a breakfast drink called Niggle Teen and see if people buy it. Or they're just a little bit scared...” — Adam (21:48), lampooning unfortunate band names.
• “God damn, my dad's got a huge cock and I got nothing between my legs...” — Adam (86:21), exemplifying Adam’s wild, NSFW humor.
• “When all the friends come over, believe me, my friends would go, oh, my dad's fucking hung. That's how it works. It’s an investment in your future. Plant the seed is what I'm saying.” — Adam (42:39)
• “I'm telling you, no one could say their [band] name. They were scared... They would have sold out millions of stadiums and records. They'd be bigger than Bruce right now, but no one. Everyone was scared to say their name.” — Adam on Southside Johnny & the Asbury Jukes (21:30)
• “She was so positive...we never ever talked about the possibility of her dying, ever. It just was not in our mindset.” — Alana Stewart on Farrah Fawcett (223:55)

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Episode Flow & Tone

• Language: Candid, irreverent, frequently explicit (R-rated), with conversational tangents and rapid-fire humor.
• Tone: The show balances light-hearted, nostalgic riffing; brash observational comedy; social/political lampooning; and unusually sincere, even poignant, interview moments (especially with Dana Workman and Alana Stewart).
• Format: Clip show/collage-style episode with classic segments, mixed with real-time panel analysis and extended guest interviews.

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Racing/Car Storytelling: 01:28 – 10:29
• Music, 70s Era/Fandom: 10:29 – 23:01
• Nostalgic 70s Riffs: 23:01 – 31:57
• Bathroom Etiquette/Paranormal: 36:33 – 50:00
• Dana Workman/Haunted Highway: 36:33 – 50:00
• Alana Stewart Interview: 193:38 – 256:34
• News/Politics/Society: 47:38 – 67:46
  (Lighter, more satirical news in 227:09 – 252:00 as well)
• Celebrity Anecdotes/Nostalgia: Interwoven throughout, especially in the Stewart and Workman segments.

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For New Listeners

If you’re new to the Adam Carolla Show, this classic episode is a quintessential crash course: expect high-energy, sometimes abrasive comedy; surprisingly deep conversations with guests about trauma and resilience; and loving, often sarcastic, explorations of uniquely American pop culture.

Note: Language and themes may be NSFW or offensive to some listeners.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

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[Brian Bishop]

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[Brian Bishop]

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[Allison Rosen]

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Allison Rosen]

I'm your host superfan Giovanni. This is the podcast we play the best moments, highlights and fans selected clips from all 17 years of the Adam Corolla Show. If you'd like to hear any of these full episodes commercial free, make sure to check out Adam Carolla's substack. There you can find the full archives of the Ad Free Adam Carolla Show. The Ad Free Archives is the Adam and Dr. Drew show as well as the podcast Beat it out. That's adamcarolla.substack.com and if you'd like to request a clip Please email us classicsdamcurollo.com alright, let's get to the clips.

[Adam Carolla]

Come to first day we have Adam

[Allison Rosen]

Carla Show 891 featuring Dana Workman along with David Wilde, Allison Rosen and Brian Bishop 2012. Welcome back Adam Corolla. We missed you. I speak for everyone on Earth.

[Adam Carolla]

Good day.

[David Damashek]

Alison Rosen I actually really miss this place and I'm surprised, kind of.

[Adam Carolla]

I was good day ball Brian, by the way. I was. It's good. Yeah, I was in and out of this place getting my stuff together for the big race weekend. It's my big car weekend in Carmel Valley and Monterey and all that kind of stuff. But it was especially hectic because I did a show on Friday night because I started to figure out that I had to buy three hotel rooms for three or four nights because you got a crew and you got our crew and our guys going and all that kind of stuff and then fuel and diesel fuel and a truck and trailer and tires and race fuel and entry fees for two cars and blah blah blah and before you know it it's a really expensive weekend and pay for everyone's meals and all that kind of shit. So I said if I did a show on Friday night that would be awesome and I could just about break even. And we did and it was fun, but it was a little taxing driving out and doing the racing and doing the shows and again trying to sort of balance all the fun stuff with all the driving and bringing two cars is fun, except for it means you're doing a lot of driving and I'm. It's weird. I like it. But once I drive for the day, I just want a beer and I'm good. Because you get out of the car and you know your shirt is soaking wet. I mean, it's underneath a fire suit, but it feels like you just took a 20 minute shit while somebody.

[David Damashek]

You normally sweat while you do that.

[Adam Carolla]

Once I pass the 18 minute mark, yes, I will start sweating. Yes. Depending on the ambient temperature. And I get out of the car and all you want is a fucking beer. And you just want to relax. And when someone tells you so, you're getting back in the car in three hours, you're like, eh, I got it. So we were having fun. And actually I was having fun because I was seeing it through the childlike eyes of Chris Maxapata, who came with us. And we were doing things like, first

[Brian Bishop]

off, just because he's diminutive doesn't mean

[David Damashek]

they're childlike, but he's a simple man as well.

[Adam Carolla]

The fact that first off, just pebble beach, which is unbelievable with the $500 million worth of cars and whoa, we're going to the Jaguar display and we're going to eat a bunch of beautifully grilled meats and cheeses and wines and everything else. And then we went to Vic Edelbrock. It's one of these things where I know Edelbrock. Edelbrock is like, oh, Edelbrock intakes, Edelbrock heads, Edelbrock. To me it's old as cars are. Edelbrock, big red Edelbrock. You guys have seen the red Edelbrock sticker a million places. And the logo a million places. Well, he had a yacht that was parked off the bay in CARMEL that was 120ft and invited us on. It was one of those take your shoes off on the dock yachts. And that's Vic Edelbrock's. It's funny, we're looking at a picture of it. You can go to AdamCroll.com and look at it. It looks smaller there because of where it is. You know why it looks smaller? Because it's built like a speedboat, but it's 110 or 20ft long. You can't picture that thing being. I mean, you walk down and there's, you know, suites to sleep underneath, you know, engine room, everything spotless. Just unbelievable. Nothing better than a glass of Red wine in your hand, and walking through Edelbrock's yacht, barefoot, nicely toasted, telling you every. Going through every square inch of the place. And then we went down. There it is. Then we went down. Yeah, I think that. I don't know if that's the new. Yeah, I think that's the new yacht we went down to.

[Brian Bishop]

His name is Victorious.

[Adam Carolla]

Victorious. And we went down to the Quail Lodge, and they did their whole thing where they're giving out the free booze and the Champagne and the $200 ticket, and Chris is going berserk the whole time. You pass the. He's getting. Chris, get on the mic. Adam. He forgot to charge me for the food. I ate, like, 12 oysters. It was fucking awesome, right? Yeah, and the track was awesome. I mean, the pebble beach was awesome.

[Bald Bryan]

It was insane.

[Adam Carolla]

I've never even.

[Bald Bryan]

I didn't think anything like that existed, Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Never seen white people so happy, right? No. You round eyes know how to party. Yes, that's right. We do know how to party. And nice, right?

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they're all really nice. Because everyone watched way too many 80s movies where it's like, hey, muffin, he's not our type. He shouldn't be on the. He shouldn't be allowed on our vessel. You know?

[Allison Rosen]

Is that Mitt Romney movie.

[Adam Carolla]

That's. Yeah, everyone was fucking nice, right? You were just, you know, Vic Edelbrock didn't know who the fuck you are. Yeah, he had. He invited to his yacht.

[Bald Bryan]

He had a margarita party, which we didn't.

[Brian Bishop]

We didn't make, but people kept handing Chris empty glasses.

[Adam Carolla]

Other than that, right? Other than that was perfect. And the occasional set of keys and couple things.

[Brian Bishop]

Did they have to toss him?

[Adam Carolla]

Couple things happened. Speaking of keys, the keys to my truck that haul the trailer were lost, so it wouldn't be a weekend with my buddy Les somebody. You got to pull up a picture or two if Les has to fuck up in some sort of comical way in order to make it like, you know, shut your mics in there, please. You know how there's Les and the old crew who sit there by the Datsuns?

[David Damashek]

Literally, the old crew.

[Adam Carolla]

Les has a very.

[Allison Rosen]

Is that Crosby, Stills and Nash?

[Adam Carolla]

It's pretty funny. These guys used to race these cars in the 70s when they were in their 70s and now. And the way it works is Les has a foolproof filing system for where to keep the truck keys, which is in the pocket koozie of the collapsible camping chair. And then every night he has to clean up the collapsible camping chair and put them in the truck and put them in the hauler. Not, not the truck by the way. That was me advertising. Aaron said that's less having a relaxing with a beer. I know it sounds shocking. He kept the keys. Well anyway, somehow the truck keys got lost.

[Brian Bishop]

Is it ironic that a 300 pound guy is named Les?

[Adam Carolla]

It will be in about another 20 pounds. And the car blew up the truck thing with the heat exchange fucked up on the way coming here it was a total nightmare. But the track was fun and I had a good time. I'll show you a little. Let's go. The IMSA footage. The problem what happened was is I usually run with the little guys and this time I decided to run with the little guys and with the big guys. It's the IMSA GTU class and there's 935s on there which are Porsche.

[Brian Bishop]

We're here downshifting and upshifting.

[Adam Carolla]

You're going to see some 935 Porsches go by at fucking 200 miles an hour. So I'm racing in a. Wow. Wow. Never disappoints how disappointed you are watching racing.

[Brian Bishop]

No one else can see it.

[Adam Carolla]

They can go to AdamCarolla.com this is

[Allison Rosen]

not from Days of Thunder, directed by Tony Scott.

[Adam Carolla]

You can check it out.

[David Damashek]

Hey, you're stepping on my news.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh yeah, you're teasing my news.

[David Damashek]

It's okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Now you can see it's a beautiful day at Monterey and they get a pretty good crowd in there. And you'll see at the top of this hill, try to catch the speed going through there. 107 or 4, something like that. Now at the top of the hill, this is where the fast guys. There's the 935 Porsche Go Past you like you're standing still. And here comes a BMW M1 that almost hit me. That was inches away. And then there's a guy who gets off the track and showers me with dirt.

[Bald Bryan]

And

[Adam Carolla]

that's basically, that's basically the big boy guys. Those guys are maniacs. And one of them got into the wall and destroyed his 9:35 and blah blah, blah. This is the famous corkscrew at Laguna Seca. All right, so that was, that was my day. The cars, the cars ran really well and we had a fucking hell of a time. And I want to thank Bruce Kennepa for letting us hang out in his million dollar trailer because that was a treat. And again Jaguar and all the people that Gave us all the free shit because it's just nothing better if you're into cars. But it's so spectacular, the backdrop. It's always so beautiful over there. It's never, never a millimeter of rain over that place. That's me and my cars. And again, you can go to AdamCroll.com and see these pictures racing that day. The one on the right was the big car, and the one in the center is a small car. And I don't know, I was racing them both on both days.

[David Damashek]

Are you in a fedora?

[Adam Carolla]

That would not be me. I don't.

[Allison Rosen]

You do a show before the night before or after this? How do you. How does that happen?

[Adam Carolla]

Do we rolled in on Thursday, raced or qualified Thursday night and then did a show Friday night, but raced two races on Friday and then did the show Friday night. And yeah, it's a lot of driving. Hungover. All right, so David Wild is with us. David has a song. Yes. You brought some music in with you. Always, always, always.

[Allison Rosen]

Last night at the Do Something Awards, John Cho, who's your biggest fan. Do you know that? Yeah, he listens to every podcast and he said that he so looks forward to the songs, so I would not let him down, nor you.

[Adam Carolla]

No, wait, where do I know Jon Cho from?

[Allison Rosen]

Harold and Or Kumar.

[David Damashek]

Kumar, Right. The song go on the New Master series, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, he is.

[Allison Rosen]

You should go on the show again.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, we should bring John on the show.

[Allison Rosen]

He loves your show.

[Adam Carolla]

Love me some John Cho. Yeah. Here's what I usually do. Here's how I normally do things, where you go, you just say, John Cho is a big fan.

[Brian Bishop]

John Cho is a huge fan of the show.

[Adam Carolla]

I know. Yeah. That guy's so smart, too, you know? Smart man. Such a sharp dude.

[Brian Bishop]

He's a learning disability.

[Adam Carolla]

So sharp. He's such a genius, that guy.

[Allison Rosen]

Anyway, wise man.

[Adam Carolla]

So you ran into him at the

[Allison Rosen]

where at the Do Something Awards, which are on tonight or Tuesday night on VH1. And I really, really great show. Everyone should check it out, please.

[Adam Carolla]

And that's where you encourage people to get out there.

[Allison Rosen]

It's one of these, like, it's sort of a youth charity show, but it's also celebrating to get people to watch it. It has celebrates tons of stars who do great sort of community service sort of things. Will Ferrell was part of the show. His performances. It's really good, strong show. I would check it out.

[David Damashek]

The Wendy's.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. You're my boy and you're writing on the show.

[Allison Rosen]

I was actually A producer in this.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, producer.

[Allison Rosen]

But, yeah, it came out real sour. Your friend Sarah Silverman has a short film we did with her you should check out, too. I think you'll like that.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, was that the one where she was going to wrap her legs around some contributor to Mitt Brownie's campaign?

[Allison Rosen]

No, that was her own just sort of election film. I think this was. But this is a similar. Sort of an uplifting theme.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, well, we'll look for that. So you brought a song.

[Alana Stewart]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

That has nothing to do with that.

[Allison Rosen]

I brought a song. No, I brought a song. I decided this song this weekend because I had a very similar weekend to you racing.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Allison Rosen]

I know I was at my son's bar mitzvah at the Mulholland Tennis Club, very similar kind of matcha weekend. But I did Random Shuffle. And I realized it seems like as we play the songs, we get to less and less of the actual song. So I wanted to pick a song that you have people in the first five seconds. How great it is. I know you love horns. I love horns. And I think your wife might be back in the Bruce. Is she back in the Bruce world of going to Bruce shows? Is that I gather that's going on?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. But, you know, I'm not buying the. This is the last time he's ever going to play in New Jersey. I've bought into that eight times now.

[Allison Rosen]

What if I could tell you that I grew up in Jersey and I grew up around the time of Bruce, but I always felt Bruce and his E Street Band were the second best band in New Jersey. To me, the best band in New Jersey were with Southside Johnny and the Asbury Jukes and a lot of people that didn't get further than Jersey for many people.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Allison Rosen]

But it should. And Southside's still out. So I wanted to pick a song by him. And this is a song from his second record, the Second Southside. Little Stephen wrote a lot of the stuff before he was on Sopranos and before he was with Bruce full time. But this is a song called this Time. It's for real. And it just. I learned about.

[Adam Carolla]

What year are we talking about here?

[Allison Rosen]

70. I didn't look that up. I'm sorry. 77. 77, maybe. And this was a group. I learned about soul music from white guys in New Jersey, so. And then I backtracked to the real stuff. But this is just great. It's like, to me, here it is. This time it's for real. Southside Johnny and The Asbury Jukes. The horn section was stolen by Conan o'. Brien. It's La Bamba, and it's also stolen by Bruce. Now Bruce has him on the road.

[Adam Carolla]

Love the horns.

[Allison Rosen]

And here your little Stephen comes in.

[Adam Carolla]

Nothing change my mind, baby. This time it's for real. I know. I know it, baby. Came out in 77.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. And I would see these guys all the time because Bruce at that point. Bruce exploded when I was in middle school or high school, and he was in lawsuits with his manager. He didn't play constantly, but he played big places. But Southside Johnny was the poor cousins who. He would write for them and help them a little. But they would play all the little theaters and clubs near me. And these were my first shows where I fell in love with music.

[Adam Carolla]

It sounds great. And I'll tell you what. I tell you what I think the problem is. Bruce is just the Boss. There's not a whole lot to remember about the Boss. This is one of those bands where, like, you know, Eastside Ronnie and the Asbury Jews. Fuck. What's the name of that band? Outside Shit. Asp.

[Bald Bryan]

Sounds familiar.

[Adam Carolla]

But the Asbury Jews, I saw them open for the Boss or the way Around Asbury Jews. You know what? Let's go check out the Boss. That's what. That's what. It's a name problem.

[Allison Rosen]

That's all joke.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it is if they. I never knew. I knew it was Southside Johnny, and I was scared to say Ass as bear. Like, I. I'm scared to say Dukes or Jukes or. Like, I didn't know who's gonna laugh at me and go, you know, I was always scared to say a bad

[David Damashek]

word, even though it's not right.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

I like putting the Jews in there. That might have helped them in the music industry. They might have done better.

[Adam Carolla]

And when you're buzzed, it's Southside. Yeah. Yeah. And you know what's funny? You know what's weird about us, David Wilde? We are weird and simpatico because we pick up each other's vibes. Because when we play these songs, you just randomly pick a song, and I randomly pick a song, and there's one that I was kind of sitting on for a while. And the thing that's weird is you've come in here in the past, and you've brought in soulful female singers from the mid-90s. And then I bring in my soulful female singer from the middle, and it's like. It's not the same singer, but it's the same music?

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, no. And literally a couple weeks ago, you picked xtc. And I'm not joking, that was my second. I was gonna play King for the Day by xtc.

[Adam Carolla]

So it's very odd we don't pick a category. So you could get a country song and I could do a soul song or something. So it's weird that we get this close because I in and I said, I want some horns and I want a song that just rocks with horns from about the same era and the same time. And we can just start playing a little of it and you'll tower power or something. 1971, Chase.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, no. I know. Chase was like that. In that Blood, Sweat and Tears sort of era, there were these horn bands, like, you know, like Vehicle by Steam and stuff. I love this stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, this is just pure visceral music. So it's just called Getting On Again.

[Allison Rosen]

I wouldn't know about that, but it sounds enticing.

[David Damashek]

You're probably more into cerebral music.

[Allison Rosen]

You have anything cerebral? Cuddling.

[David Damashek]

I want something to spoon, too

[Adam Carolla]

that's the kind of feeling I just walk with I said, come on, girl now

[Bald Bryan]

this is it get it on in the morning now.

[Adam Carolla]

That feeling's going to be me it's going to be just you and me In Exodus. Those horns are wild, right? I know.

[Allison Rosen]

There was. There was one guy who did a lot of those horns. There's a guy named James Garcia, I think, who did Chicago Blood, Sweat and Tears helped with. And he might have done Chase, too. Those horn arrangements are just crazy good.

[Adam Carolla]

And they just keep. They just keep coming. And the song, you know, it's not about anything. It's just rock your ass off for 2 minutes and 41 seconds. Like, listen to this part. And what's the name of this song?

[Brian Bishop]

It's a subtle message.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah. Listen closely, read between the lines,

[Allison Rosen]

and you just know. In 74, there was some very cool high school orchestra that attempted to do this, you know, marching band. Some really hot. Is it?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Someone's gonna get laid in marching band if they do a Chase tune.

[Brian Bishop]

Some hip music teacher.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, exactly. Oh, I had one of those hip music teachers.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Who lectured us on the Spinners. I thought that was the coolest thing ever. This is great.

[Adam Carolla]

I love this song with the big ending, too. And it's a song, you know, the ending. Wow.

[Allison Rosen]

Nice little.

[David Damashek]

This is where the dancers from Hair come on stage.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, it's funny that we picked the same song. Well, no, that was the same song. We. You and I just picked no, no.

[Allison Rosen]

And the weird thing is, that's really where I got turned on. The music was like, as a teenager. Those first shows I ever snuck into were the Southside Johnny and the Asbury Jews. As you call them as the Asburg Jews. Is that what you.

[Adam Carolla]

Asbury Jews? I'm telling you, no one could say their name. They were scared to say their name. They're called the Boss. They would have sold out millions of stadiums and records. They'd be bigger than Bruce right now. But no one. Everyone was scared to say their name.

[Allison Rosen]

Weird story. The fourth record, they did change their name, Just. They did the Jukes, but it was too late, and that didn't help. That's still a weird word.

[Adam Carolla]

Create a breakfast drink called Niggle Teen and see if people buy it. Or they're just a little bit scared. They just go with Sonny D instead. You know what I'm saying?

[Allison Rosen]

Are you a Sopranos fan?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

Can you pass that?

[Adam Carolla]

The what?

[Brian Bishop]

That whatever next to you.

[Adam Carolla]

The post them.

[Brian Bishop]

The beverage. The other beverage.

[Adam Carolla]

The. I see. No, no, no.

[Brian Bishop]

Sunny D to your left.

[Allison Rosen]

The.

[Adam Carolla]

The end reference.

[David Damashek]

Yeah, that's it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, just pass it over. Yeah, See, it's not gonna work. It's too scary for people. Plus, you know, a lot of times people have a beer or two and they're talking and they just don't want to be dangerous. Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

Two records, everyone. I would recommend to anyone. The Jukes. Asbury Jukes, Tailside Johnny.

[Adam Carolla]

You can barely say it.

[Allison Rosen]

I know. And I'm a Jew. Hearts of Stone, their best album. And then Little Stephen left, and he took some of the songs that he wrote for their next record and did an album called Little Stephen the Disciples of Soul, Men Without Women, which is a Hemingway reference. But the weird fact about that is that David Chase told me that looking at that album cover, if you call it. It's actually the back album cover. But that's where he came up with the idea for the Sopranos, and he saw Little Steven, and that was where he started. That was the beginning of the Sopranos, was that album, which is sort of. And Southside Johnny just recorded the songs from that album, like, a week or two ago.

[Adam Carolla]

David Chase, not the band. Chase that just produced. Ooh, it all, really. It ain't gonna come any fuller circle than this Evoice, by the way. Yeah, you want to be professional. Evoice helps your business sound more professional. That's all. People just have to think you're a pro. You can fake it. You can try Evoice Ball Brian's got himself some Evoice and he is in love with that E voice.

[Brian Bishop]

The cool thing, one of the things they can do is they can like, obviously hold music if someone calls and you know you're away or you want to send somebody else. But the cool thing is if they can do music, they can do anything. Right? So, you know, you occasionally will be on hold here to order blah, blah blah. Just ask the server or ask the operator about blah blah. They can put any message in you want.

[Adam Carolla]

It's very cool. I love that.

[Brian Bishop]

Promote your own products or services.

[Adam Carolla]

Love Evoice. Toll free numbers, local numbers, call forwarding, call recording, multiple extensions. It's all there. Voicemails to text. That's the part we like. So want to try it out? Free. 6 months free www.evoice.com Adam, you can try it all for free. Click on the evoice [e-mail]. that's www.adamcarolla.com eVoice. Your mobile phone at work.

[David Damashek]

I would just have it say nice things about me during the hold music. Like not even promote a product. Just promote me.

[Brian Bishop]

Hey, you're about to talk to a really swell lady.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, she's a delight.

[David Damashek]

Black hair.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, she sounds sexy. But even sexier in person, if that's possible.

[David Damashek]

That's what I'd have it say.

[Alana Stewart]

Thank you.

[David Damashek]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, would you use a dude or would you use a female voice?

[David Damashek]

I'd use both because I want to.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, would they be having a conversation about you?

[David Damashek]

I'm trying to think which would be more like, which would convince people that I'm wonderful more a guy or a chick? What do you think? There's something in my butt.

[Adam Carolla]

I like the fella doing it, but I like him to be gay and sort of gossiping about how jealous he is and how he wishes he was straight so he could get with you.

[Allison Rosen]

Watch what happens with Allison. Sort of.

[Adam Carolla]

And by the way, gay guys, you don't have to wish, you know, you just, you know, accept a blowjob from a chick on rare occasion. You'll be fine. That would be a ringing endorsement.

[David Damashek]

That would be a ringing endorsement of me, though. Cause it's like. It wouldn't be like he's trying to get with me.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[David Damashek]

He really thinks highly of me.

[Adam Carolla]

Anything. I am so glad. And I think we just. And I'm gonna tell my kids, you know what? You missed a couple of dark days in this country's history, which is for the first 30 years, that there was outgoing Messages. There was the fake outgoing message. Yes, hello. Hold on a second. Yes. Oh, hi. And I'd get sucked into it. But then it was that thing where it's like, now I'm super pissed. Didn't you hear me? Dad died. Jesus Christ.

[Frank Stallone]

I know.

[Adam Carolla]

Now I don't feel like anyone does that anymore because the bloom is off the fucking rose. And that retarded moon, it seems really

[David Damashek]

retro at this point if you do

[Adam Carolla]

that, but I swear to God, I think Jimmy's cousin Sal had that going like 10 years ago. And he'd do the hello, you know, hold on. And you just be like, hi. Okay. It's really as close to being raped is I've ever felt like. I really, like. You feel so fucking violated when you get sucked into that. And then especially if they. There's a way to string it out. Three or four beats where you go, hold on. Okay. Oh, hi, how you doing? And you're just fucking talking to nobody like an ass wife. And again, I don't know why pissing off everyone who tries to contact you, whether you're a business or an individual, is a great plan. It's right up there. Like I said all the time. Every single shop I used to go into as a kid, transmission shop, or any kind of record store or anything that did any kind of business or something, had that guy, that stupid cartoon character with the big schnoz who was rolling and holding his belly, saying, you want it? When I thought, why are you trying to piss off or offend the people that are coming into your business? And then the other favorite ones are like, I could do the job and have it for you tomorrow, or you could help and we could do it and you could get it back next week. Like, it's like, will you call me an asshole? That's right. You want it.

[David Damashek]

When I think they are, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I understand the inspirational signs. Like, I understand the open and closed, the pull and the push. I understand the eagle soaring where it says, excellence is something that's achieved on the wings of hard work or something. The ones that are telling you you're either stupid or you're not going to get what you came in here for. Who was able to sell these things to a bunch of businesses?

[Brian Bishop]

And look, my kid's in daycare and my mom's not known so well, she's an assisted living thing across town and I gotta work a second job.

[Adam Carolla]

You want me to stop molesting her? When?

[Brian Bishop]

I mean, if you have my car ready by the end of the week, I Don't know why you're laughing at that.

[Adam Carolla]

Seriously, you want it? When do you want it?

[Brian Bishop]

When my kids, you know, can't get bored there all the time.

[Adam Carolla]

There was a few. There was about eight versions of this. There's the one where you could help me try to fix this carburetor. And it could cost twice as much and take twice as long, meaning you were just an imbecile. There was the shit where don't ask to borrow anything and don't cash only. And there was a few.

[Allison Rosen]

All others pay cash.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, Right.

[Allison Rosen]

God we trust.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Right. There was a lot of 70 novelty basically fuck off placards. And I don't know, maybe we were just so high on coke at the time that everyone thought it was a funny idea to have businesses where they told you to fuck off when you walked through the door late pre.

[Allison Rosen]

Was that what that was?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we'll have to figure out.

[David Damashek]

I feel like you get those in the same place. You get macrame plant holders and Love is a Warm Puppy by Charles Schulz.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know, like. Because nothing was online back then, so you had to walk into the fuck off store.

[Brian Bishop]

What signs were up there?

[Allison Rosen]

It was at gift shopping.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's. A guy basically would attack you as you went into that place with, like, a rusty machete. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

I think these were things that you bought in a bookstore when books stopped selling at some point. I think they were the front. They were like the money makers.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you know what it was? Impulse bars. They used to have poster shops. Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

Head shops and poster shops.

[Adam Carolla]

Head shops, yeah. You could buy Bong. You could buy Cheryl Tiegs in a bikini so you'd have something to beat off to when you were high.

[Allison Rosen]

Is that what it was for?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, you could buy. There's a greeting. They had poster shops. Here's how miserable my childhood was. I would beg my dad to take us up the street to the mall. The Laurel Canyon Mall in North Hollywood on Laurel Canyon in Oxnard. To go in there not to buy any posters, just to look at other posters.

[David Damashek]

Just like you're going to a museum.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. It was like, hey, here's a bunch of people doing shit you're never gonna do on a motorcycle or in a bikini.

[Allison Rosen]

At that exact moment you were doing that. My dad, God rest his soul, was selling the mood ring. My dad. My dad was a marketer of the mood ring. Really a genius gift. It was a great, great invention. He gave me 50 to sell at school. That was my only business really my actually only commerce I've ever done, man to man, is selling some mood rings.

[Adam Carolla]

There was a lot in the 70s. There's a lot of obsession with getting to the bottom of whether you're a horny or in a bad mood by grabbing the cold fish. And it was a lot of science involved.

[Allison Rosen]

Very tactile things.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you grab like a stick at a shakey's and it would tell you if you're a super hot lover or the cold fish. Yeah, there's a lot of that. And again, not a whole lot of hard science behind it, I'm guessing.

[David Damashek]

And yet I was always bummed out to find out that I wasn't. Hot tamales.

[Adam Carolla]

I would like the maker of the mood ring at at least that did something. Yeah, there's hot stuff. True love. Naughty. Ho hum. Cold fish.

[David Damashek]

No way.

[Adam Carolla]

Potentially again, potentially. For a woman to get the cold fish on there. That's very insulting. No way. Ho hum.

[David Damashek]

Yeah. Is it smelling as well?

[Brian Bishop]

There's three levels above naughty.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Oh, by the way, there was a lot of good license plate frames telling you to fuck off too back in the day. And my favorite was yes I do, but not with you. That's nice to know.

[David Damashek]

And my ex wife's other car is a broom.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I always thought, you know what, I would love to just rape you by the side of the road and then pull the license plate frame off and go. Apparently you do, bitch. Thank you. You know, back before all the DNA business kind of got in the way,

[David Damashek]

they made it so difficult for legitimate rape users.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh my God. There used to just be an old fashioned thing called rape. And then all the DNA came in and now art.

[Allison Rosen]

Possibly the wrong day to do that with news stories.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh really? A lot of rape in the news? Yeah. Oh really?

[David Damashek]

Well, I wouldn't say it's rape, it's discussion of rape.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, a dusting of rape. Oh, yes. Yeah, Rape. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

I got the unfortunate phrase legitimate rape.

[Adam Carolla]

Legitimate rape. Okay. Yeah, no, that's a great punk band. This was, this was frivolous 70s rape. I've seen enough of the movies to know that halfway into it the chick starts enjoying it. I've seen it in the movies. Not even halfway. Maybe even a third of the way in.

[Allison Rosen]

I've left the room.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, we will hear about that. Let's see what do I got in front of me? David Wilde. Are we cool? David Wilde. By the way, wild about music is where you go. Who on the Twitter sphere are you nipping on the heels of?

[Allison Rosen]

Well, this is a very confusing time in my life, Adam, because I. We kicked Rick Springfield. But then something weird happened, and 23,000 followers who may or may not have existed emerged and gradually started to fade away. I think they were spam bots that someone sent me.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I see.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm still up there and beating Rick, but I really sort of don't know where I'm at, and I really could use a surge. I think I'm at 27,000 and I could. I was at 45.

[David Damashek]

Wait, did you lose a bunch because you were beating me?

[Allison Rosen]

I lost 15,000 spam bots that someone sent me.

[David Damashek]

I'm so sorry.

[Allison Rosen]

No, I know. You can tell you're sorry.

[Brian Bishop]

These are adults.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't want to get to Allison. I just want to get to 30. So I need like 3,000 tonight. That would really help me emotionally get

[Adam Carolla]

back to 30 and again, surpass me. Wild about music. That's where you can Twitter. David Wilde. Ah, you know what? Legal zoom, everybody. It's National Make a will month, and LegalZoom.com wants to give you a little discount. A special discount. Over 2 million Americans have used LegalZoom for their last wills, living trusts, all that stuff. Look, you got a family. You have a wife, you have a husband, whatever. You have kids, whatever. You need a will. You need a living trust. Believe me, the government's going to take all that money and build it to. They're going to use it on a bridge to nowhere. Do you want that? Do you want that to be your legacy? No. Give it to your kids. Give it to somebody other than the man. You can get individualized service tailored to the laws of your state. Oh, I like that. Their online process guides you step by step right through with total customer support. Protect your family, protect your assets with LegalZoom. LegalZoom.com Visit LegalZoom.com today and enter Adam in the referral box at checkout for special savings. LegalZoom is not a law firm, and self help services are at your specific direction. Direction. Individualized advice is provided through a legal plan available in most states. All right, Dana Workman is coming in here in a second. Talk about her show on Syfy. And also, once again, the great David Wilde. Wilde about music. We are going to be at the Irvine improv this Wednesday, August 22nd and doing our live shows. Those things are selling out every time, people. So you may want to get your tickets early and often for that. Me and Dennis Prager on stage at Tampa and Orlando. Coming up this Saturday and Sunday as well, go to AdamCroll.com for that. Of course, the book still going strong, not Taco Bell material. And Allison Rosen, she's your new best friend, available now on our app and at itunes. And Pete Holmes live at Nerd Melt, by the way. You got to check that out. And Alison's great Pete episode.

[David Damashek]

He. I saw him obviously, at the show where he was the guest and he said that he wanted to do this show and he said that he had. He ran into you in wherever you guys just were.

[Adam Carolla]

Montreal.

[David Damashek]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Love me some Pete home. So check that out. Allisonrosen.com for tickets, more information. Quick break. Back with Dana Workman. Someone's in the bathroom. Can only be one man. He's the one who's always in there demolishing the can, pants around his ankles, sneaking up the place. Buys his TP at Costco, needs to buy the case bundle. Mir is on the crabber. You can hear me through the door. Don't go in after. He's in there shitting. He's in there shitting of the commod. He's in there shitting. He's in the shitting of the como. In the shitting. He's in the shitting of the con. Ah, the great Dick Banks.

[David Damashek]

That'd be his finest work.

[Adam Carolla]

It's up there. Dana Workman in Studio. The TV show Haunted Highway, Tuesdays, 10pm on Syfy. Quickly. We'll get to the show in one second. But was it this suite at pebble beach at Jaguar waiting to use the bathroom? Because I have this thing. Dana, I don't know if you're with me on this. I want there to be a universal code for door closed. Somebody's in the bathroom. Door open. Go ahead and use the bathroom. And door sort of ajar. Enter at your own risk. So I'm in the suite, I have to use the bathroom. And it's like they have this really nice suite and it's down on the pebble beach and the Duesenbergs Bugattis are going up the thing and the door's closed, which means there's probably somebody in there. And I'm waiting, but I'm not sure if the person's in there because people go in and shut the door behind them, but no one wants to get caught knocking. And then this wild card comes out of the, out of the shrubs. There's someone working there. And I'm like, They're like, what are you waiting for, sir? And I said, I'm waiting for the bathroom. And they go, oh, okay, anyone in there? And I was. And they're like, excuse you. Like, someone's in there? And they're like, someone's in there? And then they walk away. And I'm like, okay, I have to leave now because I can't be the one standing there. Because you think I'm the asshole that banged on the door and yelled, who's in there?

[Dana Workman]

You can have a courtesy knock. That's okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Is that. But this was like a. I mean, it's like the person was in a hurry and wanted to help me and did like that.

[Dana Workman]

Like, you might as well just kick the door down. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And someone yells, excuse you. And they're like, okay, that makes it

[David Damashek]

sound like your butt's done the math.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[David Damashek]

You have to get in now.

[Adam Carolla]

I had to leave. I had to go use another bathroom because I was scared to be standing there when they came out.

[Dana Workman]

We should just use the, like, scrunchie on the doorknob. Rule college.

[Adam Carolla]

But you mean, like, in college when you're with another chick?

[David Damashek]

Yes.

[Dana Workman]

You know me so well already.

[Adam Carolla]

I never went to college in the bathroom. I like the scrunchie. So that was a chick version of the dude tie on the doorknob with the girl.

[Dana Workman]

I saw it in scrunchie once.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really? I was getting excited. Where'd you go to college?

[Dana Workman]

I went to Long Beach State for one year.

[Adam Carolla]

One year?

[Dana Workman]

One year.

[Adam Carolla]

And then what?

[Dana Workman]

And then I moved to Brentwood and took the creative route of my family and. And started.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, everybody. Her name is Dana Workman, and she's gonna work that drawing. So what'd your family do?

[Dana Workman]

What did they do? Or what do they do?

[Adam Carolla]

What do they do?

[Dana Workman]

Teacher. Cfo.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Dana Workman]

Normal jobs.

[Adam Carolla]

And. And what did you think you were gonna be doing when you were a young person?

[Dana Workman]

Something weird. I don't know. Entertaining, somehow. Not stripping entertaining. I didn't go that far.

[Adam Carolla]

But some form of entertainment and it worked out.

[Dana Workman]

Yeah. No. No idea where it was gonna land me. But.

[David Damashek]

Wait, did you grow up in la?

[Dana Workman]

Yeah, I grew up in Calabasas.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that sounds so normal.

[David Damashek]

That's where the Kardashians have their boutique. Dash.

[Dana Workman]

That's where Dana Workman was born. I was pretty sure.

[David Damashek]

Adam, I learned that from you.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I know. So sad.

[Brian Bishop]

Also, this is not a normal job, though. Is your dad, like, with a big company or.

[Allison Rosen]

Mom.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm sorry. Whoever the CFO is, I was very sexist to me.

[Adam Carolla]

Come on.

[Dana Workman]

Definitely the dad that got the math skills. Yeah, for a Big company.

[Adam Carolla]

Do we know what it is?

[Dana Workman]

He worked for a company called Ortel for 10 years, and now he works for an LED light company.

[Adam Carolla]

I feel like if you just go, he's CFL of Ortel. Everyone just nod their head.

[Dana Workman]

Yeah, yeah, just.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, they're the bear. Good friend.

[Dana Workman]

Yeah, exactly. There you go.

[Adam Carolla]

Haunted Highway Tuesdays. Describe the show for us. Sci fi, by the way.

[Dana Workman]

Jack Osborne and I and another team of investigators go to paranormal hotspots around the country and do our own investigations out there on our own.

[Adam Carolla]

How's Jack's health?

[Dana Workman]

He's good. He's. You know, he's. It's not anything that affects you right away. And I think he has the most mild form, if there is one, multiple sclerosis. So he's.

[Adam Carolla]

He's kicking ass, you know, and his weight's good. He's in good shape.

[Dana Workman]

Yeah, he looks great.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he's one of those guys who went, like, I was fat. I'm not going back. And then he got into, like, I don't know, free climbing and stuff like that, right?

[Dana Workman]

Like, yeah, he's really active.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Like, there's this thing. It's weird. It's. It's funny. You know what? I'm gonna fatten up my kid. I want to literally put as an experiment. No, this will work. This is science. Just, like, showing them my genitalia at three and a half. I want them to.

[David Damashek]

You're frightening, Dana.

[Dana Workman]

Also, I have a large microphone.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll tell you the science behind the genitalia. It dawned on me at a certain point when every guy I knew at a certain point would go, God damn, my dad's got a huge cock and I got nothing between my legs. What's going on? And it was this thing where it's like, wait a minute. Everyone's dad can't have a huge penis? And then these guys would go, oh, yeah. When I was a kid, I caught a glimpse of my dad coming out of the shower and fucking hung like a black rhino. And then I'd go, wait a minute. And then I realized, no, no, of course a penis is huge when it's, you know, at the bridge of your nose. Like, if it's that height and you're that big, it's like, if you ever grow up, remember when you're a kid, there'd be some swimming pool. Like a neighbor at a swimming pool or something. You thought it was a huge pool. And then you see it as an adult and you realize it's a little. A little pool. You ever had experience with a pool

[David Damashek]

or even a dog when you're a kid? Seems like a pony.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, the dog penis, pony, pool, math.

[David Damashek]

Yeah, all the peas.

[Adam Carolla]

It all works out. So the good science is you don't get an erection. That's weird.

[David Damashek]

That's taking it too far.

[Adam Carolla]

That's weird. But you do have. You get some blood flowing and a little glycerin just to bounce the light off. And you don't come out and scare the kid. You make it look like you're drying your hair. You make it look like a harmless accident.

[Dana Workman]

It's a true story.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. You give the kid a shot, just a one shot, it burns into the psyche. And then later on, it pays dividends because when all the friends come over, believe me, my friends would go, oh, my dad's fucking hung. That's how it works. And it's an investment in your future. Plant the seed is what I'm saying.

[David Damashek]

Plant the plant. At what age do you introduce your kid to the size of your junk?

[Adam Carolla]

Between 2 and a half and 49, depending on if they're severely disabled.

[David Damashek]

Right.

[Dana Workman]

Now. Does this work with women, too?

[Adam Carolla]

No. Unnecessary. Unnecessary. I do it with the boy. But now, getting back to putting the fire in the belly, Fatten the boy up, too. Because guys, the guys that have the fire in the belly.

[Brian Bishop]

Are you still talking about the cock?

[Adam Carolla]

Huh? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Fatten the boy up. Yeah. No, what I'm saying is when guys were in great shape, like when the guys were jocks and stuff, when they were young and stuff. Now they're 45 and they look like shit, but they still think they look good with their shirt off and stuff. You get guys that were fat kids like Jerry o'. Connell.

[David Damashek]

Guys like everyone who works here.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Everyone who works here. They have a fucking chip on their shoulder and a fire in their belly. And they work harder. I think they work hard. I think, like.

[David Damashek]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Cause you still think they're fat. Yeah. You always see that fat kid looking back at you in the mirror and you do another 10 push ups. Conversely, the good looking guy always sees the guy with the washboard abs looking back at him even though he's got a gut. See what I'm saying, Dana?

[Dana Workman]

I got you. I got you. Trying to relate it all.

[Adam Carolla]

You trying to. Trying to soak it in.

[Dana Workman]

Trying to soak it in. I went from penis to. There was a lot happening.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you gotta. You gotta keep up.

[Dana Workman]

Yeah, I'm here.

[Adam Carolla]

You ready? Here.

[David Damashek]

So wait, you guys Investigate paranormal activity on your own. What does that mean?

[Dana Workman]

We are thrown out into the wild pretty much with cameras and backpacks and do our own investigations.

[Adam Carolla]

What have you found?

[Dana Workman]

We went to this one place called Skinwalker Ranch. This place is.

[David Damashek]

Have you been there?

[Dana Workman]

Absolutely nuts.

[Adam Carolla]

That's when I show my kid the psych. We're going to Skinwalker Ranch. And they know what it means. They know what I'm talking about. That's code, obviously, because when you yell it at a crowded farmer's market, you know when it's time to see the junk, you can't yell, hey, we're gonna go home and check out my cock. You have to go. You want to go to Skinwalker Ranch. And then they know what we're talking about.

[Dana Workman]

And skinwalkers are known to shape shift.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really? You know what I'm saying? Yeah. So where's Skinwalker Ranch?

[Dana Workman]

It's in Utah. And this whole area in Utah where the ranch is located is just has. Every single person in this town has seen something. Everybody we talk to ufo, these weird skinwalker creatures. So the family that lived on the ranch, they left after 18 months. They were pretty much like, f this place, I'm out.

[Alana Stewart]

Bye.

[Dana Workman]

It was the first place where cattle mutilations got kind of famous. So the National Institute of Discovery Science owns the ranch or they did to do research. And there's a podcast on Art Bell and Coast To Coast.

[Adam Carolla]

We talked about this.

[Dana Workman]

Jack and I listened to it in the car, like an hour and a half. And I was legitimately scared to go to the installation. I was excited and scared. So we definitely saw some weird.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you believe in that stuff now?

[Dana Workman]

I am obsessed with UFO stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Dana Workman]

Obsessed.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you think you've seen them or seen footage?

[Dana Workman]

No. And I'm offended because I want to. And I'm like, I look up all the time now, like, I'm gonna get in a car accident.

[Adam Carolla]

I think the rule is if you look for ufo, I don't think anyone ever looked for anything and found it. You have to be scared by a ghost, and you have to be scared by ufo.

[David Damashek]

Like, if you're like, I hope I get anally probed, it will not happen to you.

[Dana Workman]

But I'm terrified of all that. But that's why I'm so interested in it. So I'm like, I'm scared of my own shadow. But I never looked for anything. And I never. I've never seen a ghost. No UFOs from.

[Adam Carolla]

See, it's one of these things. It's so Regional, because, like, I've known people that are from like, Louisiana, New Orleans, it's not that part of the world. And they're like, oh, yeah, there's stuff going on out there. And then I'm from North Hollywood. And everyone's like, what the fuck? No, there's nothing. Cause there's no part of North Hollywood that's haunted. I don't know why. It just doesn't seem to exist in the San Fernando Valley. But if you talk to people from Louisiana, they'll tell you stories.

[Dana Workman]

California actually had the highest number of reported UFO sightings.

[Adam Carolla]

We have the highest number of nut jobs too.

[Dana Workman]

Well, yeah, you know, it's like somebody took the United States and just shook it.

[Adam Carolla]

Look at this. A flume for assholes. All right, shall we do some news? By the way, the show Haunted Highway, Tuesdays, 10pm on Syfy. We'll do a little news. Dana, jump in crack wise if you like the news with Allison Rosen. She'll read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. It's Allison, Allison. And when it's time to wrap it up, she'll sign it off with Zip it, cunt. It's Allison, Allison.

[David Damashek]

So famed filmmaker Tony Scott, brother of Ridley Scott and director of Top Gun, along with a ton of other films, committed suicide on Sunday. He jumped from a bridge in San Pedro. And it's not that suicide is ever not shocking, but it was especially shocking. And he left notes in his car and in his office, a contact list of people that he wanted to be contacted about his death. And then other notes. The content of those notes has not been revealed yet. And initially the big question was why, you know, what in his life made him do this? And now reports are coming out saying that he had an inoperable brain tumor.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's so weird, because when we were driving home from the. Driving home from the track yesterday and we heard this story, I said, you know, guys, sometimes people have horrible diseases. And that's why they do it, because people do. Oh, he was rich. He was famous. This and that and that.

[Bald Bryan]

But if somebody.

[David Damashek]

He's 68, which is seems like a

[Adam Carolla]

weird age that's such a. The window for killing yourself is, you know, like pre 19 and then really like in your 80s or something when you just, you can't take shitting on yourself anymore. But this is a weird age. So I brought up maybe the guy had a medical condition that couldn't. And when you know what the future is, like, you're gonna lose Control of your breathing, and you start slurring your words, and then you're gonna lose control of your capacity to think, and blah, blah, blah. You go, fuck it. Mm.

[David Damashek]

So the autopsy is gonna be performed, and then they're saying that through. That maybe when they look at the brain tissue, they'll see, you know, what really was going on.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, but he must have been diagnosed before. I mean, there's no need to find that on an autopsy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[David Damashek]

Yeah. I don't know why it hasn't been. Well, you know what? Actually, I think ABC did say it. First it was rumor. Maybe now it. Maybe now it is confirmed.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. The autopsies. If he was on drugs or drunk or something.

[David Damashek]

Right. I think it was that he was again, I don't know for sure, but I think that it was. It's that he had had surgery recently. Like, it came back.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like whenever somebody kills themselves, everyone gets obsessed with how they kill themselves. And then they go, why would he do it that way? And then people start arguing. I don't know. That's not a bad way to kill yourself. I think it's just. Weird, macabre argument about how to kill yourself. Seems pretty good, you know, for me in the kill yourself department. Carbon monoxide almost out the window. Unless you have a vintage car these days, you can't do it with a Prius or one of these new Hondas or something.

[Bald Bryan]

Really.

[Adam Carolla]

The shit that comes out of a Honda tailpipe is cleaner than the air coming in. I swear to God.

[Brian Bishop]

Shouldn't get that diesel engine car.

[David Damashek]

Yeah, not if you want death by carbon monoxide to be on the table.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't want the door open.

[David Damashek]

Well, think about it.

[Adam Carolla]

I like to think. See, the thing. I think the thing that you'd want to do is, you know, people go, well, I'd probably od, but there's no od. You can just wake up in a pool of your own sick with some kind of weird brain damage. You know what I'm saying?

[Dana Workman]

For help. And then there's. They wanted to die.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. The family. Family's denying that he had a brain

[David Damashek]

cancer, but a source close to him, that is anonymous, said that he did. And then I know that TMZ reported it, and then ABC reported it. So at this point, we don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

I might do a combination thing where I got myself hopped up with the drugs and the booze and jumped off the bridge. You know what I mean? Because that's the best of both worlds. You know, that's win, win.

[David Damashek]

The cool air.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what you call win win. No, what I'm saying is you don't want to do the drug OD thing because people could find you and pump your stomach and then you're like a vegetable, you know what I mean?

[David Damashek]

And you have to answer a lot

[Adam Carolla]

of questions but no one wants. Yeah, but you have to do it by tapping on something with your toe. And nobody.

[David Damashek]

It's not funny.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but nobody wants to jump off a bridge sober and freak your shit out.

[David Damashek]

But this guy evidently climbed an eight foot fence. No hesitation, just jumped.

[Adam Carolla]

Jesus Christ.

[David Damashek]

Okay, according to tmz, Tony Scott's wife says the rumors of a brain tumor are absolutely false.

[Adam Carolla]

Jesus Christ.

[Brian Bishop]

It's always a chance he didn't tell her.

[Adam Carolla]

All right? And I wonder. And it's funny. Cause somebody was saying, wow, such a weird way to go. Or so spectacular, dramatic or something. And I thought, well, the kind of films he made were like that. And maybe that's how you're wired.

[David Damashek]

Yeah, he did Top Gun and he was working on a Top Gun sequel. And Gary, could you pull up a list of his movies? Days of Thunder, he made some great popcorn movies. Unstoppable.

[Brian Bishop]

He did Crimson Tide and He Beloved, the Fan and True Romance. And he made some really good movies.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, well, he'll be missed. But it is also a nice thing that we have come to a place in our existence where someone dies at 68 and someone goes. Such a sociation.

[Alana Stewart]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So sad. Such a shame.

[David Damashek]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

He never had a chance, did he? It's like 68 years old.

[David Damashek]

It's always tragic when someone's life is stopped. The prime of their youth.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that was a pretty decent run back in the day. 68. You know what I mean?

[David Damashek]

Yeah. Although I feel the same way. Except that I have an old dad. He's 78 or 79. I forget. And I don't feel ready to say goodbye.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll say bye for you.

[David Damashek]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

See you, old man.

[Dana Workman]

So sweet.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. No, I can't push you off the bridge, but I'll drive you up there. All right.

[David Damashek]

And also, deaths related, sad news.

[Dana Workman]

My goodness.

[David Damashek]

Phyllis Diller died. She was 95. She died in her sleep.

[Dana Workman]

Is that news when you're 95?

[Adam Carolla]

It is if we've heard of you. Yeah, yeah.

[David Damashek]

It's not a surprise. At 95, she looks a lot like my grandmother.

[Adam Carolla]

They ought to say she never woke up. I like that better than dying in your sleep. She never woke up. Yeah, I like that. That's a good Way to go. Yeah, my mother in law went that way. Took a nap. That's how I want to go. Take a nap. And then fell into a wood chipper. No, just took a nap.

[Brian Bishop]

Point is, never woke up.

[Adam Carolla]

Never woke up. It was really. I swear. I know I've done the story, but it was like one of the fucking. One of those. I'm always the. Oh, leave them alone. Oh, they're fine. Don't worry about it. My wife is like, I haven't heard from my mom in like, like three days and I'm worried. I'm like, she's at the gym, you know, she's crazy. She's having it. She's out at Denny's. She'd order a meal for herself and then a meal for Jesus. And she's sitting at the Denny's in Canoga park. And she's fine. She's nuts. She's fine. Yeah, she was like, 73rd degree, black belt, whatever. And my wife's like, I'm gonna call my neighbor and have Tom go over there and check, you know? Check? What do you mean, check? What's he gonna do, break into the house? Don't bother Tom. Sunday, she's fine. And I don't know, like, literally on the phone, it was like a Sunday. Like, it's like, it's supper time, you know? I was like, come on, he's eating his dinner. What's he gonna do? And it came back and it was like. And he literally, like, went over there and like, opened a window or something. And it was like one of these moments where I'm like sitting there going, hang up. You're ruining the guys. She's dead. I'm like, oh, you know what? Take your time. Keep going on that phone call. I was like, I was mid. Would you stop bothering everybody? You're driving this guy crazy. I'm sure she's at the gym. She died.

[Dana Workman]

Wait, this actually happened?

[Adam Carolla]

This actually happened. She was dead. She was actually dead. That's how it went down.

[Dana Workman]

What have you learned?

[Adam Carolla]

I still learn to play the odds and tell people to leave people alone. Every once in a while, you get burned with a corpse, but for the most part, you'll be right when you tell people, leave the guy alone.

[Dana Workman]

Fair enough.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I'm saying? Nine times out of 10, they won't find a dead person. A dead person when they go to the house. And then you'd be right. You know what I mean? The more, you know,

[David Damashek]

Phyllis Diller evidently took pride in being able to deliver as many as 12 punchlines per minute. Who counts? Who counted? And I do think that comedians should have a score.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. A rating. Yeah, Right, right. I do too.

[David Damashek]

Typists and baseball players.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. Oh, yeah. Oh, that kind of score. Yeah, I've always talked about that.

[Brian Bishop]

Musical score.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, but, but typist is sort of. You know, how many words you can do. Do a minute, which is how many jokes you can do a minute. But I just want a rating, okay. Like, I want your. I want your rating overall. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Can you rating go up?

[Dana Workman]

Players do that.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, yeah, like poker players are like some kind of Consumer Reports thing or something where you'd have a rating.

[David Damashek]

Should rank comedians.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, what I'm.

[Dana Workman]

To be consistently good or if you have like one show that kills.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's my thing.

[Brian Bishop]

Can the rating go up and down?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, sure. That's the point rankings.

[Brian Bishop]

You know what I mean? Like the top 25. Like in college football or. No, it would be. Eddie Murphy could have dropped out years ago, but at one point he was reigning number one.

[Adam Carolla]

It would be like a FICO score where. See the way we have credit reports and credit scores and FICO scores because it's like you come in and you want to buy an RV for me, and I'm like, hold on, let me type your name into the computer. And if I see a bunch of shits where like defaults and bad loans and shit like that, your score comes up and it's minus three, then I go, no, I won't sell you the Winnebago, but if you have a high score, then I'll go.

[David Damashek]

My longest job would get some streamlined.

[Brian Bishop]

You say a thousand words and nordbit and meet Dave and like, sorry, Mr. Murphy, we can't get you that RV.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm saying, like, when I do one of these talk shows, you have to do the super lengthy pre interview we always laugh about. And you need to do the pre interview so you don't get a shitty locks of a guest coming on there, not being funny and blah, blah, blah. But some of them, I'll put it to you this way. You do the Tonight show for the first time. Your pre interview could last an hour on the phone. You do it for the 25th time. Your pre interview lasts two minutes because they trust you. Meaning, like your score, your comedy FICO score is high enough for them to go, this guy's good. I know who he is. He's fine. I vouch for him. He can come in and do it. But until then, everything is this long, lengthy vetting process. And what are you going to talk about then? What are you going to say? I'm saying if you had a high comedic batting average, a high FICO comedy score, they just go, eh, he's good. He's got 8.7.

[David Damashek]

What would yours be?

[Adam Carolla]

I'd be good because I'm always consistent on those shows. Like, I'm rarely a lox on those shows. I'm boring at home and everywhere else. But if I'm gonna go sit by Leno or Letterman or Kimmel or whoever for seven minutes, I will sit up and spit out jokes as fast as you can.

[David Damashek]

You don't ever get flustered or lose your train of thought or become unable to say something else that would be

[Adam Carolla]

reflected in the score.

[David Damashek]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

That would help the score. That's what I'm saying. And that. Thus the pre interview where the guy kept repeating, what else? What else you got? We could avoid that. Mm.

[David Damashek]

Republican Congressman Todd Akin, who's running for Senate in Missouri, made some controversial comments over the weekend, which are controversial and also hilarious. He was speaking on a local News show in St. Louis and he was so he's very against abortion.

[Dana Workman]

This guy already looks like a character.

[David Damashek]

Yeah. He was asked, is there any situation in which abortion should be permissible?

[Adam Carolla]

I do like that. I always funny when someone says they're against something and then some, like, there's a death row. There's a death penalty version of this where like, what if somebody came to your house and defecated on your grandmother and then. And put her into one of those meat grinders and then urinated into the meat grinder? Would you be for the death of then? And then they always have to repeat under no circumstances. But you know, they'd be pissed off and want that person to die.

[David Damashek]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So they always do that with the abortion guys. They go, what if a gang of marauding bikers raped a retarded nine year old? Then. I don't know why, but everyone loves that.

[Dana Workman]

Have you seen that Riddler Ridder High in English?

[Adam Carolla]

So your score would go down, down, totally down.

[Dana Workman]

There was a letter written to Dr. Laura that was basically just like that. He was like, took everything from the Bible or whatever and basically just handed her ass back to her. And everything she said like, okay, so should I smite my neighbor if blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It's an awesome letter. Let's say this story on the Internet. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay. So people can look for it.

[David Damashek]

Dr. Laura, she's out there ignoring the airwaves all over.

[Adam Carolla]

She's annoying people.

[David Damashek]

So anyway, here's what he said. Here was his answer.

[Frank Stallone]

It seems to me, first of all, from what I understand from doctors, that's really rare.

[Adam Carolla]

If it's a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down. What?

[David Damashek]

Yeah.

[Dana Workman]

Is there legitimate rape or.

[David Damashek]

Well, he's since. So a lot of people had a lot of fun with this on Twitter over the weekend and elsewhere.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, the legitimate rape part of the other part.

[David Damashek]

Well, both the idea that there is legitimate rape and the idea that the female body has mechanisms so that you won't get pregnant. Like, I tweeted, so if I'm yelling no the whole time, I can't get pregnant, can I?

[Adam Carolla]

And then how does it figure out the role playing scenario? Because I know you're pretty deep into that.

[David Damashek]

Well, it's smarter than that.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I see.

[David Damashek]

It's smarter than that. Yeah. But I mean, obviously, there's no science to back this up.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I started? Well, I've had some weird things happen in my life. The first thing was I was watching, same as you, and went, come on, this guy's nuts. There's no science to back this up. And then when we were talking to what's her nose, who was in here a few weeks ago, and she was talking about being a gymnast.

[David Damashek]

Oh, Candice Bailey.

[Adam Carolla]

Candice Bailey, right. And she said, like, I was a gymnast, but I didn't want to be small, so I stopped doing gymnastics.

[David Damashek]

I was skeptical as well.

[Adam Carolla]

And then I was like, you stop being small. You don't choose to. That gymnastics doesn't make you small. Small people do gymnastics. Oh, no, it makes you small. And I'm like, that doesn't make you. Like, are you nuts, sweetheart? And then something comes. Then somebody pulls an article up that says this, shrinks that, whatever, and does it whatever.

[David Damashek]

Or like when I said tennis players have one big arm and you guys all thought I was full of bs and then a whole bunch of people tweeted me that I'm not. And I have proof now.

[Adam Carolla]

There's one guy, one guy that has one big arm.

[David Damashek]

We're gonna do this again.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, listen, let's not get distracted, all right? Here's the point. If you're a tennis player and you're right handed, your right hand is bigger, your right muscles bigger than your left. Anyway, like, you start off that way. So if that's your racket hand, then you start it off bigger, and then it gets more work and it gets bigger. But it's not like A weird Popeye thing. All right, the point is this.

[David Damashek]

Anyway.

[Adam Carolla]

The point is this. I was like, she's nuts. This is insane. But, you know, when hot chicks talk, I nod my head and then these articles start coming up where it's like, yeah, it makes you smaller. So I thought, scientifically, this is insane. And then I thought, so when I was listening to this. This story, I thought, okay, this guy doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about. And then I thought, is there something where. If you're fighting or you're doing something that you're bot. If you're trying to fend somebody off, if something happens.

[Dana Workman]

I don't know, there's a Venus fly trap, something shutting it out.

[David Damashek]

Well, first the teeth shoot out of your vagina.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[David Damashek]

And if that doesn't prevent the pregnancy, then you're pretty much fucked.

[Adam Carolla]

And the legitimate rape thing, the unfortunate legitimate rape thing I think he mentioned was probably he meant forcible. Yeah. Not like the, like, husband that rolls over on his wife when she's asleep after 13 years of marriage. Well, I'm just saying he made that comment because we made rape into this thing where everybody's raped all the time, and it turned into something that it wasn't. Like he meant rape. Like 70s rape. Mm. 70's biker rape, stranger rape. What I'm saying is there's some sort of. There's a stat came out a few years ago that says, like, by the time a woman is 30, one in four of them will be raped. But because you've taken your definition of rape and opened it up.

[David Damashek]

Right. To include any. Well, when I went to college, it was that if you are drunk, you can't give consent. So therefore, if you're drunk and you have sex, you can call that rape.

[Adam Carolla]

In the state of California, if you're above a.08 and God knows what woman. I don't know. A woman who hasn't had sex at one time or another, or a dude who hasn't had sex above a 0.08 or at least fucking tried. God damn, I tried.

[Dana Workman]

I believe Girls Gone Wild should know

[Brian Bishop]

a lot about this.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Then that's rape. But that's not this. And that's what he's talking about.

[David Damashek]

Yeah. So he tried to backpedal and he said that he misspoke and that he was talking about forcible rape. And Romney has, like, a whole bunch of Republicans have tried to distance themselves from this, including Rove. Including Romney.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[David Damashek]

Obama has spoken about it. Yeah. And so people have Been calling for him to pull out of the Senate race. As of right now, he's saying he's not going to pull out.

[Adam Carolla]

Good stuff.

[David Damashek]

But something that is sort of amusing about all of this as well is that he actually sits on the House Science Committee.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, so awesome. Yeah. And I heard people talking about the morning after pill. And even the doctor Drew and I were talking about the morning after pill, what, 13 years ago and maybe more. And people were calling it like RU486, like the rape drug and abortion pill and all that stuff. And it's like it's not the abortion pill, stops the egg from implanting or whatever, but it doesn't and whatever. And I can't believe in this day and age we're still. I didn't know there'd be so many arguments over science because science is so black and white. Yeah, I mean, it's just, it's weird. I feel the same way about economics and science. Like, we sit around and some guy with a Harvard degree goes, you gotta raise taxes to build the base and get more money going to stimulate the whatever. And then some other guy with a Yale degree goes, you raise taxes, businesses flee and you lose your base. And it's like, couldn't somebody figure out who's right here?

[David Damashek]

It's 20 fucking 12.

[Adam Carolla]

And by the way, why do we have a class in economics if you two fucking eggheads are gonna take polar opposite arguments to the same fucking problem? And does that happen anywhere else? And I feel like in 2012, I'm wildly disappointed on how we haven't figured anything out. Yeah, we have fucking computers. Can somebody fucking figure something out, for the love of Christ.

[Dana Workman]

Shit, we thought the world was flat. So.

[Adam Carolla]

Jesus Christ, I got a rape to get an answer.

[David Damashek]

I'm not convinced that it's not, by the way, legitimately.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. Legitimate rape. All right.

[David Damashek]

And the journalist who interviewed him on this show didn't follow up. He didn't have a follow up question. And he said he's blaming it on. And this is verbatim a brain fart.

[Adam Carolla]

He just had a brain fart again.

[David Damashek]

He's a Peabody winning journalist.

[Dana Workman]

His score just went way down.

[David Damashek]

It really did way well.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, honestly, it's weird when you're interviewing people and they say outrageous things. Cause all you want to do is crawl out of your own asshole and scurry across the room.

[David Damashek]

Wouldn't that make you inside out?

[Adam Carolla]

Shit, you're right.

[David Damashek]

You gotta crawl out of someone else's asshole.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. All I wanna do is crawl out of Alison's asshole and scurry out of the room. People say stupid things.

[David Damashek]

I'm just thinking, my butt.

[Adam Carolla]

And nobody wants to go. But you have to. But no one wants to go. What are you mean? I'm sure you said. Did you hear what you said? You sound like an idiot. Like, that's insane. Like everyone just goes, uh huh, uh huh, uh. And they just keep thinking, let's get the fuck out of here. But you have to now because everything ends up on YouTube. And then you look like a co conspirator in the Asshole Awards.

[David Damashek]

He said, I did David Wilde write for those?

[Adam Carolla]

He produced? He produced the first five Asshole Awards,

[David Damashek]

but then he was busy writing a book, right? I'm not calling him an asshole. I'm saying he writes for all award shows. So the journalist said, I dropped the ball. And he added that odd things that Akin said during the interview may have inoculated him to that specific remark. And when you're not 100% fully engaged and you've got anything else on your mind, you'll miss stuff. We all brain fart sooner or later, and this is mine.

[Dana Workman]

Or when you're old as fuck and need to be taken off.

[Brian Bishop]

I like he wasn't 100% fully engaged in the own interview he was conducting.

[David Damashek]

Yeah, I feel like he should have stopped. He should have stopped after the inoculated comment.

[Adam Carolla]

Anyone who's got a fantasy football team knows what it's like to be a little distracted, you know what I mean?

[David Damashek]

Would you want to have a fantasy comedian league based on these scores?

[Adam Carolla]

I like that.

[David Damashek]

Except that stand ups work alone usually.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm, mm. You mean how do you draft a bunch of lone wolf guys? Yeah, you could do it same way you do in the NFL stuff, just take guys from different teams.

[Brian Bishop]

That's why I found it so great. You pick all the guys you want to.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I like it. Well, every once in a while there's the list, you know, like Comedy Central come out with the list. But they're never satisfying because it's like the fhm, you know, Hot chicks one. And it's always Hayden Panettiere got above,

[David Damashek]

you know, Nicole Richie.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, don't. Okay, sorry. Okay, go ahead.

[David Damashek]

Okay, now here is a story. This next one, which is exciting for me. And if you look at my replies in Twitter, it is exclusively people telling me about this news. That is all anyone has told me all day. And I've probably gotten like 300 response. 300 people telling me about this. Blair from Facts of Life will be joining the 25th season of Survivor in the Philippines.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[David Damashek]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Now. Now I'm on.

[David Damashek]

Mm. This will be on TV as of September 19th, so no one call me after that.

[Dana Workman]

Facts life to the reality.

[David Damashek]

That's right. I don't normally watch Survivor, but you can bet I will this season.

[Adam Carolla]

I like it because I like to see Jeff Probst or Jeff Probst with his. He pulls a choker off and not many dudes can pull that choker off. I mean, in 2012. Pulls off it. And he's so fucking earnest when he's telling people what. What they have to do and he yells at them to get moving and all that kind of stuff. Meanwhile they're all emaciated and malnourished and you know, they have like pubic lice and they've been living off of like

[David Damashek]

they've been eating their pubic lice living

[Adam Carolla]

off of sand with maggots in it. And he's like, hey, they're going on the third lap of the obstacle course. You know, like Tammy falling behind. It's like, yeah, I can't feel my feet and I'm riddled with fucking malnutrition.

[Dana Workman]

It's like eating buckets of ice. Ice cream while.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he's back at the base camp watching you porn and he's fucking yelling at guys that are falling behind on the obstacle. You gotta get up. That cargo net person hasn't eaten in four months.

[David Damashek]

I feel like he should have to suffer as well.

[Adam Carolla]

I know he doesn't. He's the nicest. He is one of these people and I always want to go find their parents. You know, the people that are pure.

[Dana Workman]

No, I don't know any.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he's one of them. Like where he has. No, it's like one of these things. It's this weird space of not thinking you're great. Like being conceited and stuck up or anything like that.

[David Damashek]

Actually, yes, I do know what you're also.

[Adam Carolla]

But realizing you're good looking and talented and like, it wasn't one of these things where overcompensating. Like your dad said. No, don't take the word no. It's just your parents did such a fucking great job raising you that you're just so secure and so, I mean, I've talked to him a lot at parties and stuff like that. We always have great conversations and he's like one of these guys who never thinks about his questions or his answers just because it's gonna come out of his mouth.

[David Damashek]

Earnest and grounded and there's nothing to it, though.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, he'll ask you, oh, how much was your house? But he doesn't qualify it with, hey, listen, I know people get uptight about this, but. No, he's asking because he wants to know, and that's okay. And he's not saying it so he can hold it against you or tell someone else at the party. He just wants to know, has he

[David Damashek]

been through therapy or is he someone who doesn't need it?

[Adam Carolla]

I think he doesn't need it. I think it's the power of the choker. It transcends all therapy. He's like, you know, you spend half your life questioning yourself and wondering, like, what that meant. That person, did they mean that? Were they being sarcastic? Did they actually, you're doing it right now. You're doing it now. Not Jeff. Jeff is like, just Jeff Probst. I always want to say Probst. Jeff Probst is just like. He's just. He's the most comfortable in his own skin dude ever.

[Dana Workman]

I sense a bromance forming.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I like him.

[David Damashek]

Do you think that in the off season he wears a puka shell necklace to train?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. Extra weight training. Yeah, like when fighters do altitude training.

[David Damashek]

Or actually he would wear two heavy ones.

[Adam Carolla]

He put the big pukas, the big shell, the big four pukas. They had the little puka shells, and then they had the big puka shells.

[Dana Workman]

With a shark tooth.

[Adam Carolla]

With the shark tooth. In training. Yeah. Probably trains with a larger choker.

[Brian Bishop]

He has the on air puka shell necklace behind Lucite pulls it out. It's like, it's time.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And his coach is yelling, when you're doing raw meat with the three puka shells, that leather choker you wear in the Philippines gonna feel like a doll hair Confession.

[David Damashek]

I used to find the puka shell look attractive.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[David Damashek]

Like the guy of the. You look like you've been chowing box man. Pretty sure he wore a puka shell necklace.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the thing about the puka shell, it's like, what came first, though? The puka shell or the super tan hunky surfer dude who's rocking it? Because there wasn't a lot of, like, nebbishy Jews wearing puka shells.

[David Damashek]

So you're, like, fast with my glasses. No one ever said that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. There's this weird thing where you're like, I like. I think that puka shell's a good look on the guy who looks like Eric Stromer. And you can. I don't know why, but he did our last ace on but those guys

[Dana Workman]

are still wearing the puka shell, like 20 years later.

[David Damashek]

That might be a problem.

[Dana Workman]

Yeah, that's.

[David Damashek]

You've been chowing box man.

[Adam Carolla]

The saddest of all neckwear is the fake puka shells. Yeah, puka shells were popular when I was in junior high. And the people that would come back from the. They would come back from summer vacation and they'd. First off, look, I'm not saying there should be school uniforms, but I don't want to see your Maui 79T shirt when I spent the fucking summer in Van Nuys, you understand? And the puka shells on top of

[David Damashek]

it during the winter, along with their peeling skin.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You'd see the ski mammoth. At least if you grew up around here, you'd see the ski mammoth shirt. And it was the woolly mammoth. That was like busting a move on a mogul. That was the wintertime, winter vacation. Christmas vacation. And then the summer one was the Maui or Hawaii 79. And then the puka shells.

[Dana Workman]

Constant supply of sun in.

[Adam Carolla]

And it fucked up. Yeah, the sun in. Yeah. And it fucked up anyone who did nothing during the summer or nothing during the Christmas vacation. And you know, they do that thing where they go like, well, kids should wear uniforms because then you can't tell where everyone's at. Like on the socioeconomic ladder, whatever. You can tell where someone's at when they're wearing the Hawaii shirt because, you know, they got on an airplane and went somewhere to fucking Diamond Head. I hate those people. Sorry. Where were we?

[David Damashek]

Well, this new season.

[Adam Carolla]

Ooh.

[David Damashek]

Blair also includes retired major league baseball player Jeff Kent, a five time All Star who won the National League MVP in 2000 while playing for the San Francisco Giants. I mean, I could have told you that. And also former beauty queens Katie Hansen, who was Miss Delaware 2011, and Angie Layton, who's Miss Utah Teen USA 2010. So it's, wow, star packed season. And I know that Blair, who's. That's not a real name, but to me it is. Is already worried about being the oldest female on the cast because she's 49. And the other ones are. They're just whippersnappers.

[Adam Carolla]

Seems like only yesterday I was sitting next to her at Beth Ringwald's Sweet 16 party. Mm. Mm.

[David Damashek]

Wait, there was a Sweet 16 party?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[David Damashek]

Have you been holding back or did you say this and I had a brain fart? Because I don't remember this part. I just remember that you went to the taping.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, I went to her older Molly's Older sister Bess. Sweet 16.

[Frank Stallone]

Dude, are you gay?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Gay for hot chicks named Blair.

[Brian Bishop]

Did guys go to sweet 16?

[Adam Carolla]

Please. You know what? There's no set rules for sweet six

[Dana Workman]

if you're from the valley. It happens when you're 13, and they're called bar Bat mitzvahs.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, the bat mitzvah, but this was the. This is the goyim version. Had the sweet 16. He sat next to her, sat next to Blair.

[Frank Stallone]

Wow.

[David Damashek]

What was her hair like? Flaxen, golden, shiny. Does it smell good?

[Brian Bishop]

She the fat one?

[David Damashek]

They all were. But this is before they were.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what, man?

[David Damashek]

Look at him.

[Dana Workman]

Ruin his fantasy.

[Adam Carolla]

I didn't even know you.

[David Damashek]

Your jealousy is making you a very ugly person to be around, Brian.

[Frank Stallone]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, she was perfect for her time. Like, there's certain women that. That sort of. I don't know, Nancy Sinatra kind of a. Kind of a thing where it's like they were perfect for the 60s or perfect for. For this time she. 1980. 80, 81.

[David Damashek]

She was probably fresh off the Mickey Mouse club then. So then you'll be watching Survivor as well?

[Adam Carolla]

I will. Well, why? I come for Blair, and I stay for the choker. Sounded disgusting.

[David Damashek]

It really did. I have a reality show confession. I'm having trouble watching Bachelor Pad this season.

[Adam Carolla]

Me it, too.

[David Damashek]

Okay. I keep recording. It takes me, like, three tries to watch each episode, and I keep falling asleep. It's not holding my attention.

[Dana Workman]

I have to do that with the Bachelorette. Bachelor. I fast forward through most of it.

[Alana Stewart]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, can I make this analysis? Why aren't we doing the news? What? The whole reality thing, it's fucking us up, right? There's too much of it, and we're kind of getting bored of it. Much like, remember, right at the very beginning, MTV had Real World. It was like, ooh, those cameras are set up all over the house.

[David Damashek]

They film them for 55 hours a day, and then they edit it together to get 20 minutes.

[Adam Carolla]

People interacting organically with no script. And it was like, a big deal. And now it's like every other show's a reality show, and you find yourself fast forwarding through shit like season one of the Real World. You're like, you know, you wouldn't fast forward through anything. You just watch the whole thing.

[David Damashek]

Compelling, gritty.

[Adam Carolla]

Now it's like, I don't have time for anything. And the bloom is definitely off the reality TV rose for me. I am like, all right. We get at celebrities doing their thing.

[David Damashek]

Every show is just people acting crazy, right?

[Dana Workman]

Wait, you don't have time to watch Tank. Aquarium.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that is the other thing.

[Dana Workman]

Hello.

[Adam Carolla]

There is no topic that they will not craft a show around. There's a show about two guys who make aquariums called Tanked, I think. Right.

[David Damashek]

I've never seen this.

[Dana Workman]

I thought that was a joke. And I was like, what is? No, no, really.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the point. It's like somebody said, look, if this thing keeps going, they're gonna make a show about guys who make aquariums.

[Frank Stallone]

All right?

[Adam Carolla]

People like, I understand pimping my and redoing the house for the kid who's retarded and all that. This is a show about guys who make aquariums. And you'll watch it just like you watch any other reality show. It's called Tank.

[Dana Workman]

You know, they have a show coming out now for that Boo Boo, Honey child.

[David Damashek]

Oh, it's already out.

[Dana Workman]

It's out.

[David Damashek]

It's called Boo Boo. Here comes Boo Boo. Honey Boo, Honey child, Honey Boo. I forget the. It's. Here comes. Is it Boo Honey Boo. Honey Boo Boo.

[Adam Carolla]

Was there ever.

[David Damashek]

She's from Toddlers and Tiaras.

[Adam Carolla]

Was there ever a time in history where you did not know or hear of 85% of the shows that we're currently on?

[David Damashek]

Now is the only time.

[Frank Stallone]

Yeah.

[David Damashek]

We could all be making up. Here comes Honey Boo Boo. There we go. We could all be making up all of this.

[Dana Workman]

I will definitely be watching that.

[Adam Carolla]

I cannot.

[David Damashek]

Makes you feel weird.

[Dana Workman]

It makes me feel bad watching like I feel like I'm watching like a retarded child.

[David Damashek]

Yeah.

[Dana Workman]

Finding out of it. Or bad parenting.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[David Damashek]

And I think. I think one of the girls is pregnant.

[Dana Workman]

Although they look really happy.

[Adam Carolla]

What's. We're looking at a picture. Everyone's doing something with their pantis and I don't.

[Dana Workman]

They're all touching their stomach.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. It's just there used to really. There was something called shame and I miss it. That's all I can say. Why are you doing the news? You're talking to a guy who thinks it's a good idea to show his 3 year old his cock. Okay, okay.

[Brian Bishop]

Nay advises it on his top ranked podcast.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Advises it. Thank you.

[David Damashek]

And in further entertainment news, Jay Leno is in the news because the Tonight show cut or laid off about 20 staffers and Leno has taken a pay cut. Your heart's going to bleed. Because he used to make between 25 and 30 million annually, but now he's only going to be making about 20 million annually. But this is just from the show. He's also making a lot money of as a stand up and several other staffers on the Tonight show have taken pay cuts.

[Adam Carolla]

Just hanging with Jay at Pebble Beach. He's sitting down. He was dressed head to toe in denim and Jay Leno. Mm, weird. Had a nice conversation with him because evidently my little stunt where I drove my Ferrari over to a shop and he busted the speedo dial off the. Off the gauge and we ran out of gas in one of the shittiest parts of the Valley at 110 degrees. Evidently he's getting a lot of downloads on YouTube and all that kind of stuff. So he was into that. Dig the man. Think he's a nice guy. Loves himself some cars and goes out and doesn't spend any of his Tonight show money anyway. He just spends his live show money. So he goes out. That's always the story and I believe it. He goes out almost every weekend and does a gig and comes back with a bunch of money in his pocket and. Oh, there's me. I don't know if you've ever seen me wear that shirt before.

[Brian Bishop]

I didn't know that was you.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, there.

[David Damashek]

But you are wearing a different hat than we've normally seen you in.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm wearing my crazy hat that Jimmy and I got at the X Games in San Francisco. Like the second X Games when a guy would just ride up a two foot ramp, do one kick turn and come back down again and everyone would go ballistic. Yeah, that's me and Jay in the like in the Rolex hospitality suite that they let the drivers in so you can take a piss in private. And yeah, I'm wearing my big brim hat because the track is hot and sunny and you just get sunburned.

[Dana Workman]

You look like Mr. Field in Stream.

[David Damashek]

Almost pith helmet.

[Adam Carolla]

It's more just old man doesn't care hat than it is actual make a statement statement hat.

[Dana Workman]

Shaven.

[David Damashek]

But you're standing and you're looking at someone who's wearing a baseball cap with sunglasses on the outside of it. Don't know how I feel about that.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't like the sunglasses on top of the cap. Worse. Is the sunglasses backwards on either on the cap or just hanging off of you backwards? I don't like weird things done with sunglasses.

[Dana Workman]

Tied it and he's got a sweatshirt.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's okay.

[Dana Workman]

That's just ease and comfort.

[Adam Carolla]

It's 91 degrees on that track. And Jay's dress head to toe in denim.

[Dana Workman]

God, that's awesome.

[Adam Carolla]

It's breathable. It might be coffee, but love me some Jay Leno. And so. Yeah, that's nice of him. Why not? And look, you know, it's one of these things that everyone will do where they'll go, well, you know, he's just doing that because it's publicity and people are all right, well, so be it. I say it all the time. You know, like, you know, they just donated that library so they could have their name put on the plaque in front. Well, so be it. I wish everyone would just do nice things so that they could just, I wish would give me a million dollars and give me a blow job just because they wanted me to like them. You know what I mean? And then someone go, you know, you're only getting that blowjob and that million dollars because that person is kidding. And I go, so be it. So be it.

[David Damashek]

That's the news. I'm Alison Rosen. Dip it, cunt.

[Adam Carolla]

That was the news with Allison Rosen. All right. I love that Rich Banks song again. Yeah, maybe I could fire that thing up again. Hear a little of that. Oh, that was quick. Dana Workman, by the way. Haunted Highway, Tuesdays, 10pm on Sci Fi Carbonite. Oh, just a little bit. All right, you're right. Carbonite. Let me hear a little more Rich Banks for a second.

[Dana Workman]

Looks like Eye of the Tiger for Lucas.

[David Damashek]

I love it. I love the song. I love songs about going to the bathroom.

[Adam Carolla]

It's so good. Alright, bring it down a notch. Carbonite. Carbonite automatically backs up your files. That's right. And continuously backs up your files. Continually, however you like it. Whenever you're connected to the Internet, you can access your backed up files anytime. And Mike had this because when we wrote the book you got to back things up because we wrote two books and the combined work was, I don't know, 600 and something pages. And that's a lot to lose.

[Frank Stallone]

All the stuff from the live show too. All the pictures that go up behind you on stage, back those up as well.

[Adam Carolla]

All backed up by our good friends over at Carbonite. Unlimited backup for your PC or your Mac. Just 59 bucks a year. Should be a day you guys get it for a year. What now? Carbonite.com, by the way, you can get another two months free. I would call a bonus two months. I think they're picking the short months though. Stipulation.

[David Damashek]

It's all February.

[Brian Bishop]

Alternate months.

[Adam Carolla]

Ace, by the way, is the offer code used for the two bonus months. Go to carbonite.com, use the offer code, ACE, and get two more months added. On for free. That's right. No credit card required. That's carbonite.com offer code ACE. All right, let's hear. Thank you. Yeah, He's in the sh.

[Frank Stallone]

He's in the shitting.

[Adam Carolla]

Mike. Did you work on this? That's good work. All right. So until next time, Sam Crawford, David Wild, Dana Workman, Allison Rosen, and bald Brian saying Mahala, God damn, my dad's got a huge cock and I got nothing between my legs. O'reilly Auto Parts. Yeah, they're in the business of keeping your car on the road. They offer friendly, helpful service and all the knowledge you need. And if you can't figure it out, they can't figure it out. Well. Well, they will help you find someone who can figure it out. It's always my first call, by the way, O'Reilly, if I can't figure something out, I head to O'Reilly. They have thousands of parts in stock and they can test your battery for free. Need wipers, brake lights, quick fix, engine light on. They're going to help you out. Everyone who works there is knowledgeable and they're friendly. Like they held the door for me last time I was there and they didn't know who I was. They just said, here comes a customer. Professional parts people at O'Reilly, well, they're a one stop shop DIY stuff. You do it yourself and you can check them out online or you can go down there in person. Either way, they're the best. They're O'Reilly, right? Dawson, stop by O'Reilly Auto Parts today or visit us@O'ReillyAuto.com Adam that's O'ReillyAuto.com Adam.

[Alana Stewart]

Pluto TV has thousands of free movies and TV shows.

[Adam Carolla]

If I'm lying, I'm dying.

[David Damashek]

This is the mindset.

[Adam Carolla]

Free. This is the mantra. Free. This is the.

[Alana Stewart]

With movies like Interstellar, Dreamgirls and Gladiator,

[Adam Carolla]

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[Alana Stewart]

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Alana Stewart]

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[Adam Carolla]

All right, this is ADAM Kolla Show

[Allison Rosen]

891 with Dana Workman. Come up next we have Adam Carolla Show 913 with Frank Stallone, David Damoshek, Allison Rosen and Brian bishop, also from 2012.

[Adam Carolla]

Welcome to the program. Dave Danishek, Ace Carolla.

[Bald Bryan]

What a pleasure to see everybody.

[Adam Carolla]

Looking good. Allison Rosen. Hello, Adam Carolla, wearing purple, looking good and bald. Brian. I'm the fucking cat's meow and I can piss wherever I want.

[David Damashek]

This shirt came from the not Black collection in my closet.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. I like it. It's a lonely run, lonely hanger. Damoshek. I hold in my left hand Mangria. Finally, the dream. I know the dream has become a reality.

[Bald Bryan]

Mazel tov to you. I'm happy for you. Is this the greatest accomplishment in your professional career?

[Adam Carolla]

I think it is. I mean, in terms of a legacy. Yeah.

[Bald Bryan]

It's the one that could endure. You know what? It's quite nice. I heard the ingredients and I found it repellent, to be honest. They said, taste some before you judge. I said, I really doesn't sound like it's for me. It's very nice.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's. It's refreshing and, you know, it'll get

[David Damashek]

you the job done.

[Adam Carolla]

Gets the job done. May I say, it's the white man's malt liquor.

[Bald Bryan]

Yes. That's what it needs. It needs that tag. Maybe that's it right there.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, Brian Bosworth for Mangria.

[Bald Bryan]

Now we're cooking with gas. And speaking of cooking with gas, Looking for the boss. Let's bring that out to the tailgate.

[Adam Carolla]

When is. Who's putting that together?

[Bald Bryan]

Lynch, where are you on this already? We're having a big football tailgate.

[David Damashek]

Yeah. I demand tonight when that's happening.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, put it together, Lynch.

[Adam Carolla]

We'll serve up Mangria at the. At the tailgate party. And the brats.

[David Damashek]

I'm gonna paint my face.

[Adam Carolla]

Look out, world. Also, Frank Stallone coming in later on. Love me some Frank Stallone. Sheck. We got a little clip of our basic cable classic or commentary. When Frank Stallone did it pretty much as Sly Stallone. And we did the Specialist, him and Sharon Stone. Great. Sort of forgotten. Little. Little under the radar, kind of early late 80s, early 90s.

[Bald Bryan]

I haven't seen the picture.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my God.

[Bald Bryan]

Now that I have reason to.

[Adam Carolla]

She is avenging the death of her brother by. By drug kingpins. And she's gone after. I'll give you a choice. She's gone after Stallone to exact the revenge. A, because he's the second best. B, because they're both Geminis, or C, because he's the best.

[Bald Bryan]

Well, I'm a Gemini, so I'm leaning towards. Well, no, that would make. If he couldn't share because I'm not the best at anything, so that can't be. I'm gonna go see. I'm gonna go out on a limb.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. Wow. That is unbelievable. It is great. James woods puts on a tour de fort. He acts for, like, five people in this movie, he does the work of five actors. In this one part, he does the full Jimmy work. He does a parody of James woods in this movie. It's unbelievable. Like when he. When he goes into the Miami bomb department, you know, and he puts in the.

[Brian Bishop]

Truth be told, I have not seen the film. You got me thinking about Jimmy woods and how amazing.

[Bald Bryan]

There is a point, I think it's like around 48 or 51 thereabouts, where actors who are well known decide to just go into self parody mode. Pacino, probably the most famous of that I saw on the airplane I was traveling this weekend. I saw Men in Black three. And in an understated way, a guy who has jumped the gun on that by about two decades is Will Smith. He is now just. He just is Will Smith in movies. And he's not a particularly great actor.

[Adam Carolla]

I blame the Wild west for that. The wild, wild West. Because first off, he wrote a rap song for a period page. I mean, it's.

[Allison Rosen]

It's a.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a movie that's supposed to take place in 1881 and he writes a rap song for it. Secondly, he's just standing there being a black guy in 1981. Like he's not. He. Everyone else in the movie is in 1881. He's in 1994. It's all. That's all. He. He's just being. He's being Will Smith in the middle of this movie.

[Bald Bryan]

There we go.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Frank Stallone]

Turn it up.

[Adam Carolla]

I like.

[Bald Bryan]

Yo.

[Adam Carolla]

I like when people. I like when people go. I like this song. Yeah, you like. You like Stevie Wonder. That's what you like, by the way too.

[Bald Bryan]

What a shame to sully. This is what they do in Hollywood. They keep remaking good movies, movies that have already been done properly done. Well, why remake those? Take the ones that are good ideas that were. That are failed in execution. Wild, wild West. The TV show was failed. Fantastic, Ace.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Bryan]

I imagine at least two thirds of your listeners are too young to recall that wonderful program. But that was, if for no other reason, when they would bump out the commercial every time. They would freeze the frame.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Bryan]

And then they would make it into a cartoon and cobble together.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bald Bryan]

You knew where you'd been over the hours.

[Adam Carolla]

It would like Mosaic together. Yeah, yeah. Frank Stallone, by the way, was doing the Specialist. And I think we have a little clip of that you can hear if you like. Could you say that like your brother?

[Frank Stallone]

Huh?

[Adam Carolla]

Activate the fail face. No, no, fail sail face. Activate the fail safe. You psycho.

[Frank Stallone]

Activate the Fail safe, you psycho.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no. Activate the fail safe, you psycho.

[Frank Stallone]

Activate the sail face, you psycho.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on, it's not on a boat. Activate the fail safe, you psycho.

[Frank Stallone]

Activate the. Activate the cell phase, you psycho.

[Adam Carolla]

Fail safe. Is it fail safe?

[Frank Stallone]

Let's say fail.

[Adam Carolla]

It's fail safe. Let's get the prompter loaded up, Gary. Activate the fail safe, you psycho.

[Frank Stallone]

Activate the fail safe, you fucking psycho.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, it.

[Frank Stallone]

Almost like Jack Nicholson.

[Adam Carolla]

That's good.

[Frank Stallone]

Activate the fail safe, you fucking psycho.

[Adam Carolla]

That's good. Frank Stallone coming in here. Yeah, you guys who have not seen the Specialist look at it as a gift from a Christmas gone past that you missed. And you never opened it. And you just somehow find it tucked in the clay.

[Bald Bryan]

I happily spend, what, 90 minutes to two hours drinking that one in.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it is. I mean, woods is awesome. Oh, Eric Roberts has never been at his most. You know, when Eric Roberts started turning into Eric Roberts at a certain point,

[Brian Bishop]

this is like papa. Greenwich Village quality Eric Roberts, but big.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, oh, and who's. Oh, shit, wait a minute. It was the last. Mike, you got to help me out here. Last movie for what's his name doing the great Cuban accent. Oh, so the guy played the Godfather in the movie. Well, you'll. We'll. We'll find it. We'll look it up for a second. I mean, a Medellin. Legendary. The Godfather in this movie, doing the Cuban voice is you. I mean, he's a lead. It's, I think one of his last movies. It was like Rod. I think it was Rod Steiger. Oh, that. That's what it is. A few. Few movies.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm 100 down with you, Dave.

[Adam Carolla]

On.

[Brian Bishop]

They need to remake bad movies instead of these good movies. We did that on the film Vault. One of my choices was Cujo the Terrible. Like, you know, listen, now they can do so much more cgi. You can't beat on a dog back in the day, and now they're crazy.

[Adam Carolla]

The thing about that movie is they used a St. Bernard. Yeah, that's the best dog in the world. That's the dog that saved your life.

[Bald Bryan]

That's why it's so scary with Coneys turning on you.

[Adam Carolla]

Look out.

[David Damashek]

Yeah, that's like making an evil dolphin.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it doesn't work. Yeah, it brings you. That dog brings you rum when you're trapped in a snow bank.

[Bald Bryan]

Well, that actually brings me to an interesting debate I broke into over at the NFL, much to the chagrin of people who would prefer that I be talking about the NFL while I'm There not distracting coworkers with this conversation. But. But best slash, worst movie death ever. The most brutal. The one you wouldn't want to go through in life. The brain immediately goes to Mel Gibson being disemboweled in Braveheart. But thoughts on that? Worst death.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna say Tom Hanks, Philadelphia.

[Bald Bryan]

That is a legitimately bad.

[Adam Carolla]

Because everyone else just gets electrocuted. Yeah, but that's pretty quick. And it's not like you wake up that morning knowing you're gonna be electrocuted. You know what I mean? You know, most these deaths are sort of, you know, giant. Giant crane swings down from the sky, and you're holding the gun on the guy, and at some point Schwarzenegger says, enjoy your trip. And you go, what trip? And then you're. You're dead. But you don't have some doctor tell you two years earlier you're gonna slowly erode away to nothing.

[Bald Bryan]

The best one. The best one is. Or I'll be interested to hear if anybody can trump this.

[Adam Carolla]

You're not gonna do better in Philadelphia.

[Bald Bryan]

I think Philadelphia is bad. But let me give you the real choice. What if this really had to happen? Either I inject you with the AIDS virus, or I, Nikki Santora and his brother, you like at the end of Casino. What Peshy gave me.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, first off, when you say inject, how do you mean?

[Brian Bishop]

Technically, a lot of people are inject.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. Still, the Nikki Centaur thing is.

[Bald Bryan]

I want you to understand, it's brutal. Well, it will be a little less brutal because I am a vigorous lover.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, also, you're the one doing the offering.

[Bald Bryan]

That's what he asked for.

[Brian Bishop]

That was over the course of a couple hours. Think about the guy from seven in the Bed. That was over the course of a year. They took a picture of him every day for a year, and he died.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really? I forgot about that. Well, speaking of that, Goodfellas. Just in the back of the trunk, you know, go get your shine box. When he's in the back of the trunk, and then he comes back to. And then it pops up, and then they're. Frank Vincent. Yeah, Frank Vincent, of course. Yeah, Go. Go get your shine box. Yeah, that. That's kind of sucking.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, but get. But here's the worst thing about Nikki Santora. Departure from the planet Earth. He watches his brother get it first. They beat him. Stop all that stuff. And, you know, in a couple minutes, it's your turn. That would be the worst. That's the worst death there is.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, the worst death that's a bad death. I think Robert Shaw and Jaws is pretty, pretty bad too because he seemed to be conscious for a while while the. While he was being eaten. Yeah, you know what I mean?

[David Damashek]

Campbell Scott and Dying Young. He threw a lot.

[Brian Bishop]

Campbell Scott Anderson, who's a terrible person, made me watch a French film called Martyrs. And in Martyrs there is a girl who was tortured and flayed. You know what it means to be flayed?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Skins peeled off.

[David Damashek]

You actually watched. I was there for the. For when Anderson offered you. Either you watch Martyrs or what the Wire.

[Bald Bryan]

So h. You're sticking with Philadelphia over the way Nikki Santora goes, you would, you would watch someone, your most beloved person. So it would, I guess would be a mirror of you. Now, I kid. But the. Yeah, what about what was. But you watched one go and then, you know, you're getting it for Philadelphia.

[Adam Carolla]

He knew when he was diagnosed with AIDS in 1989 or whenever it was that it was a death sentence, but that it would take a number, maybe two years or three years. I don't know what span it took over. I don't know if it took him a year or two years. But yeah, that's. I mean, at least this is over in an afternoon. It's horrible, but it's one day turn the page, as Bob Seger would say.

[Bald Bryan]

I wouldn't like. Well, I'm sure nobody does.

[Adam Carolla]

Plus your hair, look at that beautiful hair of yours.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Your hair doesn't fall out just because you're getting hit with a flathead shovel. It turns a different color, but it doesn't fall out.

[Bald Bryan]

This head of hair is the money maker. You know, most 19 year old boys covet a head of hair like this.

[Adam Carolla]

Hell yeah.

[Bald Bryan]

Even at my advanced age.

[Brian Bishop]

13 year old in my case now.

[Bald Bryan]

But another bad one is in Moonraker. The bad guy, not Jaws, but the main bad guy, forget what his name is, is digging deep. Yeah, he. For some reason, I don't remember why, but a woman who he feels close to runs afoul of him for whatever reason and she dispatches to the woods to get away and he unleashes his two Doberman pinchers to go and have

[Adam Carolla]

her in the woods.

[Bald Bryan]

I think getting pulled apart by a couple of beasts is about the worst way you could go. Any, any type of beast it is getting ripped apart by, by, you know, a creature.

[Adam Carolla]

All these things though, as horrific as they are, are still. Well, first off, I have a theory. I have a theory that whether you cut a finger off in a table Saw. Or you kick that metal box frame of your bed with your bare toe on a cold morning, the pain level is exactly the same.

[David Damashek]

Excruciating.

[Adam Carolla]

It's just a 10. It's all a 10. Now, the thing about cutting your fingers off is that involves a trip to the hospital and sutures and all kinds of stuff like that. But for that moment, for that 30 seconds of when you've just kicked the bed with your big toe, the frame, the metal frame on the cold morning, I don't think it goes much higher than that. I'm glad it doesn't. I think you can get your arm cut off or kick later on, shock kicks in and you see blood loss and that kind of stuff. But in terms of pain, I don't know. I think you hit a certain threshold.

[Bald Bryan]

I think I agree with you about that emotionally. As a matter of fact. I always think you said, say, soldiers who go across the seas and fight in these awful places and do all these terrible things, it's a weird human thing.

[David Damashek]

They've trained to train to stun your tongue.

[Bald Bryan]

But the horrors they see and the tragedy and everything else, I think that the ability to cope with that. This sounds insane, and I'm certainly not marginalizing the seriousness of that. But in the same way a movie upsets a soldier, us soldiers get upset. Said they are invested in sports. They live and die with these sporting events. Is like, how can you care about that when what you're. What you're doing for in your life and the human brain, the emotion can only handle so much. Same thing. I wonder. So if I. If you shot me in the shoulder, well, it wouldn't be that much worse. I. Because I always wonder that in real movies that are sort of grounded in some reality, when somebody gets shot, could I. Could I continue on with the. I know it happens.

[Adam Carolla]

Half the people that get shot just say they heard a bang and felt a burning sensation, sensation in their thigh and then like wetness and all that kind of stuff. So I even think that kicking the metal frame with your toe actually may be more than getting shot. We can figure it out. It's got to be a cold morning.

[Bald Bryan]

Who can we shoot here?

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Brian Bishop]

Nobody can shoot here.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Now that we've talked about it, we can't really do it because it won't seem like an accident. Dave Damasik's got his number one sports. We'll hear that. One second. We are going to be at the Irvine Improv tonight, by the way, Wednesday night with Brandon T. Jackson. Brandon, you know from Tropic Thunder, one of the funnier movies of the last 10 years.

[Brian Bishop]

I named that, I think the best movie of that year. I thought it was so funny. And it holds up.

[Adam Carolla]

Really goddamn funny. So we'll talk to him tomorrow night. Little love for one of our newer sponsors. Income at home. You want to make money. You want to make it every month. Do you want to do it from your home? How about that? Or your apartment, which will soon become a home. When you make your extra income at home. That's right. Hit those goals. That's right, pay that man. They got a proven step by step system. Helps people get their start. Make your own cash generating home based Internet business. No pressure, no cold calling, no cold kicking the metal frame next to the bed. Earn money on your computer.

[Brian Bishop]

You can afford a wood frame.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Ooh, teak.

[David Damashek]

And you can hire someone to kick

[Adam Carolla]

it 24, 7 or I like to say 25 10. Because a roundup, even while you're asleep, you can make money. Wow. I'd never stop sleeping because that. Oh, even. Okay. You don't make more while you sleep. Okay, I'm clear now. Income at home. IncomeAtHome.com is where you go. America's leading work from home business. A rated for ethics and affiliated with a multibillion dollar company working in over 80 countries. Income at home. They're giving away 1,000 bucks. That's right. Thousand bucks just for checking them out. Visit incomeathome.com and check them out. Incomeathome.com alright, let's see. Sheck. Oh, you know real quick because we're lousy with Jews in here tonight. We have Sheck, we have Alison. Somebody tweeted me this and I got upset in the name of the Jews but also in the name of the gentiles as well. All the complaining I do about all the teas being flavored and all the pizza's getting fucked up and everything's getting a new. Everything's a new pomegranate. And I'm ordering oatmeal cookies on the road. I'm getting little bits of cranberry mixed into it. Just all this weird mixing and matching. Like we're just fat and bored. We don't have.

[David Damashek]

Oh God would never want you to have that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, this guy tweeted me. Cream cheese. I forgot about the cream cheese. Not only when you send the peon to the bagel place and they come back with the strawberry banana bagel bagel and the chocolate bagel and the jicama bagel. And you're like, just fucking get a bagel. People like bagels, they want bagels. But the 18 different flavors of cream cheese, unnecessary.

[David Damashek]

You can dodge one bullet with a flavored bagel and then you've got some salmon and bullshit inside your cheese, right?

[Adam Carolla]

And so what's left is everyone uses up the cream cheese first and then everyone eats either the egg bagel or the plain bagel or water bagel, whatever. They eat that up first. And then what's left is the blueberry cream cheese sp bread and the black and white chocolate bagel. And eventually it all gets eaten because we're all gluttonous pigs. And I'm convinced we now get fat eating 2/3 of things we don't really want. We just eventually get around to it. But what is it with the fucking flavors? And who's gonna get in charge and regulate this stuff? And no self respecting Jew would go for this fucking. This is for the gentiles.

[David Damashek]

It doesn't taste like a garden vegetable, right?

[Adam Carolla]

What is it? What's that?

[Bald Bryan]

You're asking me? Who came up with this hokum? Gentiles, that's who the goyim. They had to mess with our good thing, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Does anybody ever look at, you know, someone went, oh, I got cream cheese and bagels. And they went, it's the only good food we make.

[Frank Stallone]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Everything else is gelatinous cold fish. I'm just saying, what can't we fuck up and when are we gonna stop? And then you, Sheck, who claim to be the uniforms, are claiming in the NFL. Yes. Oh, by the way. Yes. I gotta say, I was a little disappointed. I was watching football on Sunday. We had cousin Sal with the forementioned Nick Santora. Different one. We had Bill Simmons and his crew in there and they were talking. There's two things a little disappointing. So I'm talking, you know, these guys are just Internet nerds. Sports Internet nerds, right? And there's Bill and his crew and everyone. And Dratch is there and cousin Sal and everybody. Oh, Dickie from the Boss Tones is there. We did 20 minutes on what a horrible song James Dean by the Eagles was that I'd forgotten all about, but he decided to send me an email on that or send me an instant IM on that. I said to one of the guys, they said, I think Simmons said, ace, what do you think about that show Two Broke Girls? And I said, that's good. How about that one? How about the set of knockers on her? And I said, yeah, she's Built boy. And then one of the guys from his Internet, the guys who sit around computer and just geek out all day, went, man, I wish there were some pictures of her topless somewhere or something like that. I said, yeah, they're on the Internet. And they were like, what? And I said, yeah, they were on there. Like, I don't know. There's a story like six or eight months ago that some leak, somebody hacked into her phone or something. There's some topless pictures of her. And they're like, no way. And I was like, yeah. And then they looked it up, and there it was on Bill's iPad. And I was a little. I was marginally disgusted that the guys who just beat off on the computer all day and want to see these titties and just. They live on the computer doing sports and Internet and all that stuff, had no idea what I was talking about. And some blind to the cornucopia of

[David Damashek]

boobs right there for them.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Kat Denning. And they love her and they're unaware of this. And then later on I said, and Sheck, you'll share my disgust in this. I said, what is these weird collars being sewn into all the jerseys? These black.

[Bald Bryan]

Don't say that. Nobody had any idea collars.

[Adam Carolla]

One of the guys went. One of the guys went, yeah, I've seen that on a couple teams. Is it a couple teams? They almost. It seems like 10 of them. And he was like. He was like, yeah, I guess two or three of those teams do have it. And I was like, two of them are playing each other on one set over here, and then two are playing each other there. So it's got to be more than two. Two or three. I was just disgusted. I don't know sports.

[Frank Stallone]

I don't understand.

[Bald Bryan]

I mean, you know, cousin Sal is one of those guys who calls me Velvet. My Hebrew name. And by the way, Alison, Lishana Tova to you. Happy New Year. It's Rosh Hashanah. The.

[David Damashek]

Gracias.

[Bald Bryan]

The. The. So, yeah, cousin Sal always gets upset when I talk about uniforms. How then Ace and jumps in.

[Allison Rosen]

You're.

[Frank Stallone]

You're just.

[Bald Bryan]

You're just encouraging him as you can't do. Listen, you stare at these games week after week, year after year. It never registers to you to have some opinion on it.

[Adam Carolla]

How could you do that?

[Bald Bryan]

Not. And not have it sink into your brain that you notice the differences. Like you. You've been watching.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm sorry, I'm.

[Bald Bryan]

I'm a grown man who doesn't care about Outfits. So I'm looking at the. But you're looking at the game. Are your. Are your eyes not able to drink in that aspect of the uniform?

[Adam Carolla]

When did these collars. I don't get it. What's with the collar this year?

[Bald Bryan]

It's a Nike.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, it's Nike.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah. The Nike took over the uniform duties for the NFL and they put that on. Like I say, 11 or 12 teams. I don't care.

[Adam Carolla]

What's it.

[Bald Bryan]

Although it does look like a nice homage to Jack Lambert.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah. Because Jack splat wore the toilet seat over there.

[Brian Bishop]

And how much of those 60 minutes think about in game time is actual action ball.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't understand.

[Bald Bryan]

How can you not have an opinion on it? You're looking at it for three and a half hours at least once a week. You have no idea. I never occurred to me. I don't. That I don't like my team's uniforms.

[Adam Carolla]

It doesn't.

[Bald Bryan]

It drives me crazy. It. It haunts my viewing of every game. If the uniform matchup is ugly.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Bryan]

And yet I agree.

[David Damashek]

Would you prefer they were naked?

[Bald Bryan]

That's.

[Adam Carolla]

No, Honestly, let's.

[Bald Bryan]

Seriously, I've never thought about.

[Adam Carolla]

No, let's. Should we do some sports?

[Bald Bryan]

Let's do it.

[Adam Carolla]

Hit it. Do that.

[Bald Bryan]

It's time for Dave Damek's number one sports.

[Adam Carolla]

Number one sports. Ace.

[Bald Bryan]

This segment. Ace.

[Adam Carolla]

This segment's brought to you by mangrate. 100% cast iron. 100% made in America. 100% steakhouse quality grilling in your backyard.

[Bald Bryan]

Click the mangrate button banner on AdamCarola.com for a great deal.

[Adam Carolla]

Ace, you're the best. Two broke bradies. Tell me what you guys think of this from a personality standpoint and if you're wired this way and what this makes me. I have been forced to drive around my super expensive Aston Martin automobile that I never drive around because I'm out of cars. I'm just out of cars.

[David Damashek]

I don't have laundry day for your garage.

[Bald Bryan]

Play some sad music.

[Adam Carolla]

It's laundry day for my garage. Exactly what it is. And I. I am driving around this super bitchin custom Aston Martin and it drives me nuts because I don't want to do it. Everyone looks at me. There's the Aston Martin and I pull up at a stop sign and people want to ask me questions and they're looking at me. And then I valet when I go visit my dad at the hospital and the guys ask me questions about the car and the color and the combo and all. And I hate the attention Same guys

[Brian Bishop]

asking what you're up to in your career.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that guy. Yeah. There's the car.

[David Damashek]

Kicking it.

[Frank Stallone]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Sheck, you missed it yesterday because the security. My dad's in the hospital. The security guard out front of the hospital did one of those ask the question and then give the answer. And then it got sort of. It got a little shameful at a certain point. He said, what's going on? What are you up to? What are you doing these days? And I said, well, I just wrote a book. And he said, just kicking it, huh? Don't worry, something will come around. I said, all right. Evidently you're not. You were answering your own question before. You're letting me get to it. But just kicking it, huh? Don't worry, something will come around.

[Bald Bryan]

It's a beautiful car, by the way, that green car. It's a handsome color. It's a striking color.

[Adam Carolla]

It is.

[Bald Bryan]

And I assume that people who don't care about uniforms have no opinion on the car. How do they choose clothes in the morning? It doesn't occur to you?

[Adam Carolla]

Like, does this.

[Bald Bryan]

Do I like this color shirt? When they go to the store, do they just grab the first thing they see?

[Adam Carolla]

So now I, I finally, I went over to Kimmel's house on Sunday and I saw his son's automatic, naturally aspirated, meaning no super turbocharger on it. Mini Cooper Clubman parked in front of his house. And I said, who's that? He said, that's my boy. And I said, where's he? And he said, he's in Chicago. I said, who's driving it? Nobody. I said, I said, can I drive it? And he said, yeah, you can drive it as much as you want. It's so weird because driving a car, I forget. You forget being an adult. Borrowing a car. Driving a car was a huge deal. Like when I was a kid, it's like, yeah, you can drive my car, but you have to leave your car. And if anything happens to my. It came with a long winded thing that involved gas and insurance and where you park it. And worst case scenario, I used to.

[David Damashek]

I would hear about friends who had loaned other friends car their car and I think, are you crazy? Like, who would ever do that?

[Adam Carolla]

It's crazy. And it's weird to have the super poor, downtrodden, scared, fucked up little voice inside my head and then hang around with rich people go, yeah, you want to drive that car? Go ahead and drive the car. Like that's not. And there's no, there's no caveats that Come along with it, like, okay, but it's gonna need to be returned with a full tank of gas, of course, you know, like, Jimmy doesn't give a fuck. I called Jimmy, I just called. I sent Jimmy an email today and said, I know this sounds crazy, but I do want to drive that car. And he said, yeah, I have my assistant bring it over. And that was it. It wasn't like, well, there was one

[Bald Bryan]

part of the trade off that you failed to mention. You did have to trade in your dignity. You stole Mr. Late Night's car, his son's car.

[Adam Carolla]

It is a four cylinder, 128 horsepower automatic. So it feels a little bit slower. Where's the sports Mini Cooper? You know, $17,000 car with. It's three years old and I can drive around town in impunity. Now I don't have to worry about people looking at me or asking me questions or any, any of that business.

[Bald Bryan]

Do you have to get it fixed if it, if you were to get into a wreck, will you pick up the tab on that or what?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I'm sure. I mean, I'll get it washed and put some gas in, all that kind of stuff. But I just, I want to know where you guys would be at. I mean, this car is one tenth of the car I was driving around. I was driving around a 12 cylinder supercar from England and I wasn't going anywhere. It's not like, well, I have to go down to South Central to score some crack and I don't want to get jacked. It's just, it was too much pressure driving it around.

[David Damashek]

I would feel uncomfortable being that conspicuous as well. So I totally relate.

[Brian Bishop]

But you're the car guy. You're a car, you're a known car. You should be in a good car.

[Bald Bryan]

I agree with Bald. I think it's strange. I understand where you're coming from, but you love these cars and you've explained why you don't like to drive them around. But it does always seem like a waste because I don't, I do not have the gene that appreciates cars. They really are a mode of transportation that I hope doesn't break down when I'm in transit. So to me it seems like, well, if you love cars and wouldn't you want to be have them out on the road?

[Adam Carolla]

I would, but it's like part of the thing is I love the cars so much that I don't want them to get dinged up and scram. Like I don't, you know, driving around and worrying you're like a person has

[David Damashek]

a toy and keeps it really wrapped up.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I don't want to worry. I don't want to worry about shit. And plus, when you're handing it, you don't realize, like, you know, we go down to the sports bar in Hollywood, it's not the world's greatest neighborhood. You got to pull up, people look at you. You got to throw the keys to the valet, maybe you have a couple of beers in there, you want to, you know, slide out under the radar. It's just that kind of thing. I'm just. I like a beater. I gotcha.

[Bald Bryan]

All right, I got you. But, yeah, I'll have my assistant bring over any car of mine that you'd like to buy.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm driving the kid's car.

[Bald Bryan]

All right, so shall we talk football quickly here? It's a couple of quick things. First of all, Bald Bryan, as a, as an alumnus of usc, did you see what happened to them over the weekend?

[Brian Bishop]

I saw it in person, buddy.

[Bald Bryan]

He went up there to the Bay area.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, my family's from there and I stay with them and my brother, his company built the athletic field, so he gets us free tickets for the Stanford games.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Bald Bryan]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

I mean, did a great job.

[Adam Carolla]

Who's living a better life than you for not having any money or half?

[Brian Bishop]

So he gets for us free tickets

[Bald Bryan]

and he gets Jimmy Kimmel's son's car. Then your life would be that much better.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, he got us a little cool tailgate area because they built the parking lots and everything.

[Adam Carolla]

This is it. Three years in a row. Four years now. I mean, it was so brutal. It's insane.

[Brian Bishop]

It was, it was the most fundamental loss. And that's the worst part is just they beat us up on offensive line, beat us up on defensive.

[Bald Bryan]

I know they had some injuries, but it still is hard to figure that in the college game when you have that much more talent and at two wide receiver spots, two first round draft picks, not to mention the first round draft pick to be at quarterback slinging them the ball, it's that that wouldn't win out over the course of 60 minutes is hard to believe.

[David Damashek]

People who are devastated by this is it that they just. Did they make a bunch of errors? I don't mean that in a sports way. I mean that in a. Like, did they fuck up or what Is it so bad?

[Adam Carolla]

They were.

[Brian Bishop]

They were ranked second and Stanford is ranked 21st. So ostensibly they should have won.

[Bald Bryan]

Soon we will have a playoff and even sooner we will have a Tailgate party. It may be one of these USC football games. You know the interesting thing, quickly, on a serious sports note, not grave note, but an observation. Isn't it strange, USC for one of these iconic programs, over the last 50, 60 years, they have had zero, count them up, zero really good pro quarterbacks. Isn't that crazy that USC start counting them off? The best they've ever had is Carson Palmer.

[David Damashek]

Gary's going to kill you, Rodney, Pete,

[Bald Bryan]

I mean, it's crazy.

[Adam Carolla]

Hayden and a couple. None of those guys. Yeah, but those guys, not really good. No.

[Bald Bryan]

You wouldn't have ever heard any of the really great games in the NFL.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, no.

[Bald Bryan]

It's amazing. Mark Sanchez stinks. Carson Palmer, it's because of Liam Kiffin. Yeah, nicely done, Sanchez.

[Adam Carolla]

But Sanchez may turn into something. I doubt it, but yeah, no, they're. Well, first off, but they've produced all those great tailbacks and somehow they just made a deal with the sort of football karma God devil that we're going to put out running backs and not quarterbacks. And they stuck with it.

[Bald Bryan]

I suppose so. But yes, all this is covered on this week's edition of the Shame Report. I encourage you, nay demand that you go and check that [e-mail] sheck Next, another issue ace that you brought up to me. You want me to talk to like the LA Clippers thing that we talked about, asking Clippers what a Clipper is? I was in Buffalo this weekend and let me say this to you, I went out there, my call time, 9am I go out there, when I pull up to the stadium, droves of RVs lined up to get into the parking lot. Lined up. A couple hours later, I go over there, you can smell the meats grilling up, all manner of two meats cooking up. And the beer flowed free and everything else. And this was Saturday, 28 hours before kickoff. They go out there for three days. Apparently.

[Adam Carolla]

I had no idea. It's Buffalo, baby.

[Bald Bryan]

Isn't that amazing? I asked the question of the Bills that I spoke with. Why is the team called Buffalo Bills? No one knew the answer except for one guy. One guy got it right.

[Adam Carolla]

Nobody punter on the team.

[Bald Bryan]

Nobody on the team.

[Adam Carolla]

Nobody on team.

[Bald Bryan]

The cheerleaders. I asked the cheerleader leaders. They didn't know. Ryan Fitzpatrick, a Harvard graduate, didn't know.

[Adam Carolla]

There. There should be certain things. I mean, look, talk about being inquisitive

[Bald Bryan]

about something, you know, that doesn't occur to you.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm on this team.

[Bald Bryan]

What's. Why are we called this?

[Adam Carolla]

Tell me what's worse?

[David Damashek]

This.

[Adam Carolla]

The Bills this. Or when I took the tour of the Coors factory in Golden, Colorado and asked the hot blonde chick who was leading our personal sort of custom VIP tour what was the whole smoking the Bandit story with the Coors going from here to there. I never understood why was it illegal in Texarkana but you could get it and call it Colorado? And she said, excuse me. And I said the Coors. The thing. The smoking the Bandit with the Coors. I don't believe I'm familiar with that one. I said smoking the band at Burt Reynolds. Coors. A whole semi truck filled with Coors. Allison don't know that story.

[Bald Bryan]

You're not a football fan. You've made that very clear. Why do you suppose the Buffalo Bills are called the Buffalo Bills?

[David Damashek]

Don't. I don't. I don't know.

[Bald Bryan]

Their logo on the side of their hat is a buffalo.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let me explain something. This is kind of crazy. Hold on. City of Buffalo, but let me.

[Bald Bryan]

The whole city is named after a beast, which is also.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me. Let me say something. Don't get up in your head about this. It has nothing to do with sports. No.

[Bald Bryan]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

It's just. It didn't. Does anybody know? Mike Dawson say anymore, but I don't know for sure. But I'd say it's because of Buffalo Bill. Yeah.

[Frank Stallone]

Very nice.

[Bald Bryan]

Very nice. Buffalo Bill Cody, of course. Which is the most ironic name of them all. People always talk about LA Lakers or no lakes.

[Adam Carolla]

Allison knew. But Allison was thinking about something she got she thought was something sports. Right?

[Bald Bryan]

Yes. But it's crazy. The city is named after the majestic beast that once roamed the plains. The football team is named after the man primarily responsible for nearly rendering said

[Adam Carolla]

beast extinct, hunting them to their almost to extinction, and announcing proudly he used almost no parts of the buffalo. And a half anus and the rest right down the insinkerator.

[Bald Bryan]

He'd screamed last thing I would like to ask you, ace and anybody else who has an opinion on it. What did you make? You're kind of an old school fellow when it comes to football. Although you do have novel ideas. Like your goal post idea.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, my insane idea.

[Bald Bryan]

In Jamaica, the Shiano business. The head coach of Tampa Bay at the end of the game, down seven points, were the Buccaneers. He instructed his team when the Giants went into the victory formation, the so called victory formation in which the quarterback takes the snap, goes to one knee, they play half speed both sides. Because everybody knows this is just a ceremony of sorts to end the game. But the Buccaneers, instead, they went after the ball. Oh, big kerfuffle about it, right? I'm all in favor of it. I think it's a great. It's a clever move once.

[Adam Carolla]

First off, it's called Miracle in the Meadowlands. And one Joe Pisarczyk could attest to that.

[Bald Bryan]

And who is he trying to hand the ball off?

[Adam Carolla]

Larry Zonka. Wow.

[Bald Bryan]

Hey, that's a great trivia question you just got.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, so. And Herm Edwards takes it in the other way for seven. So it's ironic that the one team that is making this complaint is the one team that, I mean, they tried to hand the ball off a little bit different. Times have changed, so and so forth. But of all teams that can't really make this argument. Well, listen, the game's over. It's the last play of the game. We can go. I can show you some NFL films that would suggest otherwise. Matter of fact, same team. Yeah, yeah. You can watch the Miracle in the metal right now. But. So here's the thing. There is no written law that MMA guys or boxers must touch gloves at the beginning of a fight. Fight. 1. It is considered professional courtesy when 1. And a sign of respect when one fighter holds his glove out to the other fighter and the other fighter acknowledges by touching the glove, and then they attempt to crush each other's orbital sockets moments after that. But it's not written anywhere. It's just a courtesy. And if one guy wants to hold his hand up and the other guy wants to throw a right hook at him, him, it's perfectly legal. I mean, it sort of happened with Junior. What's his name?

[Bald Bryan]

Floyd Mayweather.

[Adam Carolla]

Floyd Mayweather. When he was fighting, you know, three fights ago, the guy wanted to, like, give him a little hug, and he just knocked him out. Now, that was. They already hugged. He didn't have to hug for a second or third time, but he had his hands by his sides. And people say, protect yourself at all times. That's what. That's what they say in the dressing room. That's what they say when they get out to shake hands. So it's like one of these things where it definitely goes against the spirit of the game to do it. It's also. It's not illegal. And I think as a fan, playing until the final whistle blew, I mean, it's almost like saying, well, if it's a. If. If you got the ball at the very end of the game and your team's down, no pitching it. Let's not do this embarrassing thing where you pitch it back to another guy and then he pitches it back until the Stanford ban runs out or the cow band runs out, that's really what it's about. But on the other hand, it's legal. And here's the thing, I think it could get players hurt. And if there's a sort of general understanding that it's not done and then you do it, it's kind of a foul. If you say, let it be known that we play to the whistle and we play to the, you know, the end gun. And that means just because you take a knee doesn't mean we're going to take a knee. Then you can do it to sort of spring it on somebody's a little outline.

[Bald Bryan]

The element of surprise. That's what's interesting about it, is this was their one try. Had they been down 24 points and it was a ceremony of. If it was a philosophical deed for the new coach with his team to say, we never quit, then it's a little bit. Then I embrace it a little bit less. But practically, they're down seven points. If they do this, they surprise them.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, they got the ball and then

[Bald Bryan]

they suddenly win the game. He'd be hailed. And by the way, nobody really had any problem with Dan Marino doing the fake spike.

[Adam Carolla]

Spike.

[Bald Bryan]

He went up to the line and pretended like he was gonna do one thing, but then he did another, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Bald Bryan]

You're trying to catch, take advantage of a situation, do something new, because we've seen it a million times already. That's how you catch the team by surprise. I don't think he'll ever be able to do it again.

[David Damashek]

On Bachelor Pad, when Nick won, he didn't share the money with Rachel. And everyone's like, oh, he's a sociopath. He's crazy. But it's like, hello. That's the point. To win the money. He outsmarted them.

[Bald Bryan]

I know you're going for a joke,

[Adam Carolla]

but I see Herm Edwards.

[Bald Bryan]

I watch Bachelor and Bachelorette faithfully. Bachelor Pad. I get a little nauseated, though. It's too much.

[David Damashek]

Did you watch it till the end, though?

[Bald Bryan]

No, I couldn't. You know why? Because, and this is sincere, I'm not trying to be cool in justifying, rationalizing why I watch the Bachelor, but I really do. I have low self esteem. And so then when I watch the Bachelor, Bachelorette and all, when I look at it, I always think, think, yeah, I'm a dope, but at least I'm not bad as that guy. I Always think, like when the interaction. I was thinking for human beings, I can't.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's not the bachelor pad, but the other one when they go to meet the family members.

[Brian Bishop]

That's great.

[Adam Carolla]

Times three. And you know when the dad like sits out on the porch with them and has talks about, you know, I could see you, I'd like to call you son, and that kind of stuff. And then 10 minutes later, he's on a jet and he's talking to someone else's dad about fucking their daughter. That creeps me out.

[David Damashek]

He's trying to make sure the girls are there for the right reason because they're really open to the right.

[Bald Bryan]

That's the most commonly used phrase. Are you here? I want to make sure you're here for the right reason. They go to the father. The father's always playing tough. He's playing hardball for 90 seconds and he's like, you know what? I give you my blessing, person I just met, right? You're welcome to marry my daughter.

[Adam Carolla]

Super creepy. Every once in a while when they sort of bridge that sexual thing by going like, this is the language they'll use. Like, listen, I was in the service when I was young. I understand what it's like to be a young man with desires. I just want to make sure it's

[Bald Bryan]

like, oh, I ran the entire rainbow.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Bald Bryan]

Been through every kind of one.

[Adam Carolla]

I fucked every kind of pussy. That's right.

[Bald Bryan]

All right, well, that's enough. We have a lot of good games coming up in week three of the NFL. Your Rams. I predicted Ace a three point victory. I said the gold star pick of David for week two. The Rams by three over the Redskins. What did they win by? Remind me what they won by.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, three.

[Bald Bryan]

Three is what they won.

[Adam Carolla]

It always makes me angry because I remember them being up by three with a minute and a half that they won that game. No, that was a big win. It's just last week when they're playing Detroit and they're up by three and they go into that fucking prevent. I'll tell you one of the things I wanted to bring this up. Sorry, Bolt. Brian. What Stanford did to USC was they had a seven point lead and they have a quarterback that's in the running for the Heisman and they're ranked 2 in the nation. One of the highest powered offenses in the league. And what did they do? They sent people. At the end of that game, they pinned their ears back and they got after Barkley and Barkley never got set. He Never got his footing. He must have been sacked three times with in the last five minutes of

[Bald Bryan]

the game with Tom Brady.

[Adam Carolla]

And Tom Brady as well.

[Bald Bryan]

They pin their Arizona Cardinals went after him on the two point. They said they stopped.

[Adam Carolla]

We have a seven point lead. We're not going into the fucking Tampa two. We're sending guys. He'll never get set up. He's either going to throw a pick or he's going to be on his back. And they went after him and they got him off balance. And as a fan you had to hate it because you love it when they rush three they're in contain. They don't even get past the line of scrimmage. They just contain and he just stands there and picks them apart. Well, Rams did that fucking shit with Matthew Stafford or whoever. Wait, who's the quarterback for the for Lions? They did that fucking. We're not. We have a three point lead. An insurmountable three point lead will not rush anybody. And a minute and 40 seconds later they're punching it in. When are they going to understand that all the teams that have success fucking rush the guy? They do what the Giants did. The only way you can beat Brady, it's like, it's really like when Tyson when it was in his prime. The only way you could beat him is Buster Douglas. Buster Douglas just kept firing the jab and then followed it with a stiff right cross he got on the offense. He came after him.

[Bald Bryan]

You know what it is? This is interesting because this does show consistency on Carola's.

[Adam Carolla]

Other than that I have no fear

[Bald Bryan]

to bring it full circle. That really does show the consistency of your opinion Ace in that you don't like the slow down death that you saw in Philadelphia and that the Rams give you each week when the predetermined prevent defense. If you're going to lose, give it to me quick. If you're taking my head off, take the ax and be done. That's it.

[Allison Rosen]

Bald.

[Bald Bryan]

Oh, wait, I was going to say play. We have to get the creep of the week. But first of all, teach this segment brought to you by Man. Great. Look, they're bratwurst. There's linguisa,

[Frank Stallone]

linguista. Have you had a.

[Bald Bryan]

I can't do the back, back, back. That's the, that's the flaw in my Berman as I can't do the back, back, back. Look, teach, you got bratwurst, you got linguica, you got andouille.

[Frank Stallone]

Look, there are a lot of great

[Bald Bryan]

tube meats, but chorizo is pretty good. This Just in man Gray grills them all. 100% made in America. 100% steakhouse quality. Click the man grate banner on AdamCarolla.com for a great deal Tube meats.

[Adam Carolla]

How Hanks got the hit. Give.

[Alana Stewart]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Lot of people don't know that. You got to see the director's cut.

[Bald Bryan]

Hit it bald.

[Frank Stallone]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Creep, creep.

[Bald Bryan]

Creep of the week. Of the week. He or she is the creep of the week. A quick. A quick handsome addition. Blast for the people in Buffalo, for the cheerleaders in Buffalo and a couple of the players. Because I was going out to the tailgate, after I was finished talking with them, I said, what's your favorite kind of tailgate to meet? What do you like best? I said, do you like a bratwurst? Three people I spoke with had no idea what a bratwurst was.

[Adam Carolla]

What, you never heard of bratwurst?

[Bald Bryan]

Isn't that weird?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you know what it is? Let's. Let's be honest. All the countries with the good tube meats, they ain't coming over here anymore. Their economy's doing better than ours. You know, there was a time when the countries that had the good tube meats, they had to flee. They had like, famines and they didn't have enough potatoes, stuff like that.

[Bald Bryan]

So Stefan Gilmour is using their children and their children.

[Adam Carolla]

Now we got a bunch of guys coming over from the Caribbean and shit, you know what I mean? And they're not good. They're not good with tube meats, you know what I mean? We don't have good tailgating nationalities coming over here.

[Bald Bryan]

Oh, but the things are different with the, with the tailgates these days. First of all, flat screen TVs everywhere. I mean, the delicious middle dish. If you don't know what a bratwurst is, let me give you a taste of something else. The blaster jerks. Now, this is a very sportsy one. We've been very sporty for 20 minutes, so let's stick with it. Very quickly, a lot of talk about the referees, replacement referees, people wringing their hands as though NFL referees have always been hailed for their inability to ever make an error. Everybody. Yes. Ed Hockeyley. Nobody remembers him ruining a game and basically being run out of the playoffs. The history of football is also feel

[Adam Carolla]

like the players and the coaches realize they have a confused substitute school teacher and they're going after him.

[Bald Bryan]

Absolutely right.

[Adam Carolla]

They're all just going after.

[Bald Bryan]

You see, with the. With receivers and DBs, they just basically. The DB is basically jumping on the receiver's Back from the time he gets off the line of scrimmage and rides him the whole way.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, what?

[Bald Bryan]

Nobody's going to call it.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I saw a play the other night with Manning where. And it was like, no matter how much TV I watch, how many games I watch, there's always a play every year where I go. I've never seen that before. I didn't know what the rule was. It was pass interference. But they were claiming, in the Denver game, they were claiming that the ball was tipped. So it wasn't pass interference. It was tipped. And then the announcers kept saying, if the ball was tipped before the DB made contact with the wide out, it's a free ball, then it's a free ball. But if he makes contact with the wide out before the ball is tipped, then it's pass interference. And then they showed the replay, and that's clearly what he did. He hit him before the ball was tipped. And they didn't call. They waved it off. So they didn't explain it. The refs didn't know. I don't know what that rule is. Then they started saying if the ball's in front of him or catchable or. I was. I was wildly unclear how to review it and what the rule was, because

[Bald Bryan]

the ball becomes, you know, I don't

[Adam Carolla]

know what jump ball, essentially there's tipped at the line. Yeah, but this DB made contact clearly before the ball was tipped. If you saw the game the other night.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, I saw the play.

[Adam Carolla]

He made the contact and then the ball was tipped. So he went, oh, this is going to go the other way around. And then I realized the guys in the book booth didn't really know what the rule was either.

[Bald Bryan]

Interesting side note, I'll name drop for you. I was watching the Monday night game with Brian Billick, former Ravens coach Heath Evans. That's right. I'll drop names. Don't roll your eyes to me.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't roll eyes.

[Bald Bryan]

The grilled Buska Brusca and Darren Sharper of the Saints, formerly of the Saints guy was about to do something. So they're all watching the game, and I'm listening in to them, and I say, hey, Coach, so who did make that decision for you when you throw the red flag on the field? He said, we didn't have anybody. I said, you don't have some guy just sitting there looking at a monitor?

[Allison Rosen]

He said, no.

[Bald Bryan]

When we felt right, I said, well, then how would you know if you should challenge it? And he said, we didn't. It's amazing. How little we know the rules. And by the way, the referees didn't know the rules either. He would talk to them and they'd be like, yeah, I've never seen that before. Exactly like you said they would say every game.

[Allison Rosen]

Who?

[Bald Bryan]

I've never knew that rule. That's the first time that's ever come up in a game. Very interesting.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Bryan]

But anyway, here's the thing I want to say about. Here's the creep of the week. It's not particularly funny, but I find it very strange. Who wants to be a referee? Who decides? Is that. That's one of those things that when you're eight years old, who aspires? You know what I want to be when I grow? I don't want to be on either team. I just want to be the one who everybody hates, you know? You understand if you're a referee, you're going to get booed and hated. And there's no good that can come of you doing it. The only thing you can do in your profession to get any attention is to screw up. At least figure skaters, that is. There's. There's, you know, there's beauty and grace and all of that and athleticism involved in that. The referee is just a soulless kind of gig. Because you want to be a cop. It's that mentality. I'm gonna be in charge. I wanna be a lunch lady, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you're more of a meter maid. Cause you don't get the respect that the cop gets.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean? You just make people miserable. No one really appreciates what you do. They understand, begrudgingly. We sort of need you, but we don't. We'd like to see as little of you as possible.

[David Damashek]

You're an ra.

[Bald Bryan]

It's a weird thing, right? To be what. So when you think about it in those terms, there are immediately inherently unlikable people. Because what person do you know that thinks, like, you know, you'd be a great referee? You should go into that. Have you ever said that to anybody? And if you do, you surely don't like them. Because they're a buzz kid.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Bald Bryan]

They're no fun. So with that being said, replacement refs, regular refs, I'll tell you what you all are. You're the creeps of the week.

[Adam Carolla]

Taste the blaster. That's it.

[Frank Stallone]

I'm done.

[Adam Carolla]

Somebody was saying for like a hundred grand, they could have got the real reps back. I don't. I don't get a hundred.

[Bald Bryan]

That now it's all Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Anyway, let me give a little love to one of our fine sponsors. Legal Zoom, baby. Legal Zoom. Got to protect that family's future. Financial planning, insurance, all that. How about a little peace of mind? That's an awesome Boston song. This is probably something else. All right. They can't be talking about Boston.

[Brian Bishop]

There's always chance.

[Adam Carolla]

Whether they're talking about the Boston song or just peace of mind. Peace of mind. Either way. That's right. Yep. You need to be legally protected for affordable legal protection. You can trust legalzoom.com will powers of attorney. Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

Paul, Brad, we understand by indecision.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I'm just saying. But I don't care if I get behind. If I get behind people living in competition. All LegalZoom wants for you just to have a peace of mind. Yes. Living wills and trusts and more. It's all there at LegalZoom. And maybe you're starting a business. Business. Want to start that llc, Incorporate, Register for trademarks, patents and more. Legal Zoom, baby. LegalZoom.com Protect your family and business today at LegalZoom.com. legalZoom is not a law firm, but you can use it to find an attorney and get help self and get self. Take a look ahead and get self help services at your specific direction. For more savings, enter Adam in the referral box at checkout. LegalZoom.com all right. The great Dave Damasek, everybody. Dave Damashek. Football programs. Name of the podcast. Get it at iTunes and NFL.com Shaq, everybody.

[Bald Bryan]

Let's have tailgate party. Lynch, let's go already.

[Adam Carolla]

We're gonna bring the Mangria, we're gonna bring the tube steak, and we're gonna do well.

[David Damashek]

Tube meats.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm assuming two meats.

[Brian Bishop]

Two steaks of tube meat.

[Adam Carolla]

The Mangria and we're gonna party. Wireless satellite dish.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, my buddy got it for the tailgates.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, man, what a time.

[Brian Bishop]

We have a generator.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my God. This is gonna be good. Again. Twitter, Amishek, Frank Stallone waiting out there. We will talk to him in a moment. If the sun.

[Bald Bryan]

If the sun has risen before you arrive, don't even bother showing up. We get there under the cloak of night or not at all and go all day.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. I like when people do that. I don't know what you're talking about. Quick break. Frank Stallone in studio. Now let's check Adam's voicemail. Brought to you by Evoice. Get it on. Get it on.

[Allison Rosen]

Hey, Adam, what do you think of Freakonomics?

[Adam Carolla]

All right, bye. Click the eVoice banner on AdamCarolla.com or go to www.evoice.com Adam to get an exclusive six month free trial offer. EVoice, your mobile phone at work. Thank you. Well, it's interesting that you bring up Freakonomics. Frank Stallone. Good to see you. Hi, Alex.

[Frank Stallone]

Adam, how are you?

[Adam Carolla]

Three platinum albums, ten gold albums, five gold singles. Facts that you may or may not have known about the great Frank Stallone. The Italian feast of San Gennaro. Oh, you're performing.

[Frank Stallone]

I am. I love that on the 30th.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm excited about that in Hollywood. That is the feast that Jimmy and I put on every year. When I say Jimmy, I mean other people. But it is kind of interesting that Jimmy and I were in New York and we used to go down there once a year for like the MTV Music Awards back in the day. And we're doing I don't know what. And we would go down to Little Italy and we would lament that LA has a little Ethiopia.

[Frank Stallone]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

And a Koreatown.

[Frank Stallone]

Little Viet, Saigon.

[Adam Carolla]

It has a little everything, but no little Italy. And where?

[Frank Stallone]

Armenia, it's like.

[Adam Carolla]

Or Glendale. Big Armenian. Yeah, right. So it said, we got back to the man show office and he said, fuck, we don't have a Little Italy in la. And he said, we don't have a feast of San Gennaro because we have

[Frank Stallone]

no Italians in LA other than you and me and Jimmy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but the thing about Little Italy is that's just a place you go to get some gelato and some good Italian food and it doesn't matter what your heritage is. And he said, we need a feast of San Gennaro. And I said, what is that? And he said, you're Italian? And I said, yeah, but you know, Corollas are really nothing first and then Italians second. And we're sort of atheist in everything. And even when it comes to education and everything else, we're just atheists. We do nothing.

[Brian Bishop]

You don't believe in heritage?

[Adam Carolla]

We don't believe in anything. And he said, we should start a feast of San Gennaro and made a few phone calls and started a feast that was in the A parking lot.

[Frank Stallone]

I remember the first one was across from Capitol Records.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Frank Stallone]

And then I played the two that were in Two in the Grove.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we did a few. We did a few there. And now I don't know, is it the 10th or the 11th? And this thing's three days and thousands of people show up.

[Frank Stallone]

I'm playing the 30th, I think.

[Adam Carolla]

And it's just awesome big. Everyone's out drinking the wine, eating the pizza.

[Frank Stallone]

Are you going to. Are you going to bring your new product? Are you going to introduce Mangria?

[Adam Carolla]

My Mangria? That's a fine idea. I should go down there.

[Frank Stallone]

You know, it's funny. I am like you. I hate throwing stuff out. So if I have a half a bottle of wine or a quarter, and this. I don't even know if it's a Merlot. I don't give a shit. I just put them together, shake it up, fucking drink it.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I'm there for.

[Frank Stallone]

I don't say, oh, well, smell the bouquet. Smell this, right? Fuck out of it.

[Adam Carolla]

Smell me being buzzed.

[Frank Stallone]

Yeah, that's right. I mean, girls go, I'm not drinking that. What's that stuff? The stuff you buy at Trader Joe's.

[David Damashek]

Two Buck Chocolate.

[Frank Stallone]

Yeah, I've had that. And sometimes I've had good ones because all it is is just that they're getting rid of and sometimes you might get a good batch. Yeah, I'm not drinking that. I said, listen, that's just like a Bhutan, right?

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, by the second glass,

[Frank Stallone]

who gives a. Yeah, it's like my dating life. Was Boone's Farm, Strawberry Hill a joint. That was it. Peasant dress went off.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it was over. That's right. What color was your peasant? Well, hers. Oh, that's right. Oh, to answer the Freakonomics question. Yes, I love Freakonomics because I like the truth. And I just want them to just get to the truth. Whatever. Whatever it is, whatever's gonna move the needle. Forget about all the talking, just get to the truth and that's what we'll do. And that's what the policies will be. Documentary. Yeah, I sell Freakonomics. I have a Freakonomics. I don't read. I don't. I don't know if you know.

[Frank Stallone]

Did you see 2016?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, no, I didn't see that.

[Frank Stallone]

Here. It's awesome.

[Adam Carolla]

I heard. Well, all I heard was from Right Wing radio guys. It was good, but I never saw 2016.

[Frank Stallone]

I just saw.

[Adam Carolla]

But it made a bunch of money.

[Frank Stallone]

I saw a great one called Last Ounce of Courage. My Friend. Stars.

[Adam Carolla]

I heard that was good.

[Frank Stallone]

It's good.

[Adam Carolla]

The new thing is, is whatever you do, like if you are, whatever your politics are, find your audience and then make the movie. It's Tyler Perry figured it out. He's like, look, I could make good movies and no one would ever see them and struggle Or I could make really shitty movies for black people and get them all to see it and get rich. And that's what he did. Are shitty movies? Oh, they're horrible. He's a horrible writer.

[Frank Stallone]

Oh, really?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he's horrible. And I mean, it's bad.

[Frank Stallone]

Like, there's no production value.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, no, there's plenty of production value and almost no writer. And it's just. He's a hack. He's a complete hack.

[Frank Stallone]

He's a gajillionaire, this guy.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

And because black people support him and white people don't know what he does, but they just assume. And then no one wants to really say anything because then it sort of makes you racist. And then Oprah applauds him and you. What? I mean, I watched his first movie. I forced my wife to watch 10 minutes of it, and she just looked at me and said, what the fuck is this? Is this the one where he dressed

[Frank Stallone]

up like the fat woman?

[Adam Carolla]

That's Medea. Yeah. Yeah. They're just horribly scripted, horribly plotted movies. The writing.

[Frank Stallone]

So they're not funny like the Bernie Mac things like those movies?

[Adam Carolla]

No, not funny. Not well written and sort of implausible. Most all of it just poorly written.

[Frank Stallone]

Well, first of all, you think he

[David Damashek]

doesn't make a convincing woman.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the easiest part to wrap your mind around. There's just stuff that. Like the first movie is super rich guy who basically billionaire in Philadelphia gets caught fucking around on his wife. And she catches him and. And then he goes, get out. Take your clothes and get out. And she's like, but I don't have any money or any credit cards. She's like, I don't care. Get out. And then she has to go live with Madea. And Madea settles his hash. Don't worry. Later on. And his new gal's hash. But I don't know if that's how divorce works in Philadelphia. But I don't think you get to get tossed out of the mansion because you got busted for cheating the dude. And you cut all their credit cards up. And her ATM card, take all her cash.

[David Damashek]

In real life, there's not as much credit card cutting up.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't feel like there's. And they never do it long way. They never do a long way. I would do a long way. I'd do a long way to make a statement.

[Frank Stallone]

You know, they work in the shredder. I actually have credit cards in the shredder. It works. Listen, I wanted to ask you, what movie of my brother's are we gonna. Speaking of shred, it's either got to be stop or my mom will show.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Frank Stallone]

Rhinestone.

[Adam Carolla]

Rhinestone.

[Frank Stallone]

We really went after Sharon Stone. Yeah, well, no, that wasn't Sharon Stone.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it was. Yeah, it was Sharon Stone. That's right. Yeah.

[Frank Stallone]

When she would. Bad shower scene.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Frank Stallone]

And party at Kitty and Studs.

[Adam Carolla]

The, the. The. What people should understand is like, Kirk Cameron does the exact same thing that Madea does. Just does it with the evangelistic folks.

[David Damashek]

Kirk, you might know him better as Mike Seaver.

[Frank Stallone]

Yeah, but where is he? What's he doing now?

[David Damashek]

He makes Christian movies.

[Adam Carolla]

Makes Christian. See, this is the whole point.

[Frank Stallone]

But really bad, too.

[David Damashek]

Yeah, most likely.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm sure. I mean, look, it's not like he

[Frank Stallone]

was a thespian anyway.

[Adam Carolla]

Anytime. You see, here's what you don't want. What you don't want is all things to all people, because you're really nobody to anybody. It's. It's. Find all the folks that are born again, make a movie for $100,000 or $50,000, and it made, I don't know, 38 million bucks, and you get everybody in the church to go see it. So the white version of that is Kirk Cameron, and then Madea is the black version of it, and you just do a version of it.

[Frank Stallone]

Who would be the Italian version?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it could be you if you play your cards right.

[Frank Stallone]

That's true. Do bad movies, probably bad production.

[Adam Carolla]

Probably already. Your. Your bro. I did not see. No, I did not see. I like the first one.

[Frank Stallone]

Oh, this one's better.

[Adam Carolla]

That was fun.

[Frank Stallone]

This one's better.

[Adam Carolla]

Second one's better.

[Frank Stallone]

Oh, yeah, if you like. Because this one, when people get shot, you, like, see, like, an ear fly off. I mean, you really see the shit, you know? And then when he fights Van Damme, it's awesome.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, we had Van Damme in here. Oh, no, no, we had. We had Dolph. Dolph, yeah. Not Van Damme. Dolphin.

[Frank Stallone]

No, Dolph's an MIT grant graduate.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. He's a very interesting Fulbright scholar.

[Brian Bishop]

He's a genius.

[Adam Carolla]

Very interesting guy.

[Frank Stallone]

Very nice guy, though. He's been the one guy that my brother's worked through his whole career that's been loyal when he tried to get all the actors when he did Rocky Balboa, and no one wanted to do the movie, the one we did in 2006. He wanted to try to ask all some of the other guys if they would help out. Not one of them.

[Adam Carolla]

Why not?

[Frank Stallone]

Because they wanted money. I wanted to use a clip of Mr. T. I wanted to use a clip of Carl. They wouldn't do it, really.

[Bald Bryan]

And.

[Frank Stallone]

And Dolph said, do whatever you want. You made me a movie star.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that's the whole thing. I mean, not interested. He did. Carl Weathers, he did make those guys.

[Frank Stallone]

He made every one of their careers. And Dolph, he said I was a student dating Grace Jones, which is pretty scary right there.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Love to see that kid.

[Frank Stallone]

Yeah. And. And yeah, he goes, you gave me a chance. Gave me a chance to be. He discovered a lot of people. Sandy Bullock was first movie.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Frank Stallone]

Judge Dre Sizemore first movie.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. We have lockup. Lockup. Yeah. Sorry.

[Frank Stallone]

Yeah. Mr. T was a bodyguard. Carl Weathers.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, he was a bouncer. Bodyguard. Yeah. He did win the bar bouncing competition. Unlike the Wide World of Sports, I

[Brian Bishop]

feel like Hulk Hogan was a relative unknown, too.

[Frank Stallone]

He was totally unknown. Yes, he was a fucking wrestler. I mean, he was totally unknown.

[Brian Bishop]

He wasn't Hulk Hogan back.

[Frank Stallone]

No, no, he was not. And a lot of guys did.

[Adam Carolla]

And by the way, without your brother discovering Carl Weathers, there would be no Action Jackson.

[Frank Stallone]

No, there would not be.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. Not.

[Frank Stallone]

There would be no Predator. Yes. But anyway. But the thing is.

[Adam Carolla]

So Action Jackson.

[Frank Stallone]

Oh, one of the great Canadian.

[David Damashek]

Canadian.

[Frank Stallone]

I think it was a Tyler Perry production, actually.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, come on. Somebody show me a poster from Action.

[Brian Bishop]

I remember there was a movie called Action Jackson, but I was.

[Frank Stallone]

No, there was a series. Is that a candidate?

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, no. There was a movie called Action.

[Frank Stallone]

Yeah, but he had TV series, remember?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, well, Action Jackson was a. Was a doll. Was an Action doll.

[Frank Stallone]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

Action Jackson. His name. Bold Adventure is his game.

[David Damashek]

Rings a bell.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Was. It was a cartoon. It wasn't a cartoon. It was like an action figure. Interesting.

[Frank Stallone]

Is that one of the girls in Vanity.

[Adam Carolla]

And there's Action Jackson. Vanity.

[Frank Stallone]

That doll looks horrible. It looks like Bernie. Looks like George Wallace.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it does not look like.

[Frank Stallone]

It doesn't look like.

[David Damashek]

Well, listen, that drop was Dr. Drew.

[Adam Carolla]

A couple of things. Not. No, that's Carl Weathers. That's me asking if he wants to do Dancing with the Stars number one.

[Frank Stallone]

Oh, what fou Apollo Creed en Rocky Ahoa.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So that's the foreign.

[Frank Stallone]

That's Sharon Stone.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, hold on a second.

[Frank Stallone]

That is Sharon Stone dude, right there.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, we're looking at a poster here. All right, hold on a second. Action Jackson was.

[Frank Stallone]

It's Sharon Stone. Look.

[Adam Carolla]

Action was the doll. All right, Mike. I guess she was in the movie.

[Frank Stallone]

She is in the movie. Stella plane.

[Adam Carolla]

She was all right. It was an action figure from the scene 70s. If you, you'll find the commercial on YouTube, I'm telling you. And by the way, and Craig T. Nelson, the, the, the white action figures don't have to look like the real people they represent. Imagine how far off the black ones can be. Do you know what I mean? I mean that was probably O.J. and Jim Brown and, and Black Ken doll and black Ken doll and black GI Joe friend. I mean they probably just. Yeah, they probably just did one black action figure and went fuck it. Like with white people, we need to

[David Damashek]

do three skinny Martin Luther King.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay, quick footnote. They used to do this a lot more in the 80s where see the topper in Spanish says he was Apollo Creed and Rocky. And now they used to reference other movies a lot more in poster. They were thinking Sylvester Stallone. Like now he's fighting for his life in some other movie after Rocky a lot more.

[Frank Stallone]

Yeah, my brother's always been fighting for his life in a movie kind of.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I kind of miss Rob. When they would reference another movie that the guy was from, but it'd give you a heads up.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, that guy.

[Adam Carolla]

My favorite thing that they always used to do is they would find when Logan's Run starred Michael York and some chick, some British chick you've never heard of. But for like two years, Farrah Fawcett was super hot. Like Farrah Fawcett. Her poster sold 10 million copies and all that kind of. She was in four minutes of Logan's Run. And two years later when it was on TV when Farrah Fawcett was hot, they'd go. We now return to Michael York and Farrah Fawcett Logan's Run.

[Frank Stallone]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And I always, always kid that one day when they show the Hammer.

[Frank Stallone]

You loved her in Charlie's Angels. You will really love her in Logan's.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Frank Stallone]

Come.

[Adam Carolla]

We now run. We now return to the Hammer, starring Jane Lynn Lynch. That's what it's going to be in five years from now. All right, do we have the commercial for the the doll. Adventures? I don't know my kids middle names, but I know this song. I want to drive a jeep. But here's the white action. He's a white action show. It's like Rat Patrol. Oh, I remember being a 9 year old watching these commercials going, I hope one of my friends gets this toy so I can play with it. Oh, look at that.

[Frank Stallone]

This is a guitar. Is he the snowmobile?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but he's riding.

[Frank Stallone]

But There's a black guy there. Wait, who's the black guy?

[Adam Carolla]

Generic black dog.

[Brian Bishop]

Cool Ninja.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, remember that commercial?

[Frank Stallone]

Is that a Leonard Nimoy dog?

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so Action Jackson was figuring Stallone action figure. There is.

[Frank Stallone]

Absolutely. I should have brought one. If you look up, there's a Frank Stallone Rocky action figure.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Frank Stallone]

It has no genitalia like all those dolls. You should look. I should have brought one. I wonder if I have one in my car. No, I don't.

[Adam Carolla]

Sylvester's brother. That's his name. Writing songs from movies is his game. Think of what you want to be

[Frank Stallone]

Then suddenly look at my face it looks like cryogenic.

[David Damashek]

What?

[Frank Stallone]

It looks like cryonics.

[Adam Carolla]

What the. How many of these? Are they moved?

[Frank Stallone]

I have most of them. I give them away at my concerts.

[Brian Bishop]

Why? Is he in pain?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm supposed to be singing Take it Back. Do, do, do.

[David Damashek]

That's actually a pretty good.

[Frank Stallone]

I look like Starsky and Hutch. I look like Paul Michael Glaze.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you do. Take it. Take it back. That's the song you're singing by the trash can, right?

[Frank Stallone]

That's what. That jacket. That's.

[Adam Carolla]

Can you sing a couple licks? Sure.

[Frank Stallone]

Take you back I've been told by some people and they all say to take you back to take you back like before

[Adam Carolla]

Nice. You know, the. That sort of sounds a little like the Taboo, too. Theme. And the Who. Don't, don't be. Don't pretend like you don't know what I'm talking. Yeah. Not this song.

[Frank Stallone]

Who was.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Frank Stallone]

Who was Taboo? I did that. Wrote that in 75.

[Adam Carolla]

No, there's. There's. There's the bass line of the song. There's doo, doo, doo, doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo, doo. We'll figure it out. Yeah, it's got a little Barney Miller in it.

[Frank Stallone]

They were playing a great gig, man.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, JW Marriott.

[Frank Stallone]

No, vibrato.

[Adam Carolla]

Ah. Vibrato Jazz Grill, October 9th in Los Angeles.

[Frank Stallone]

Yeah. And doing your Fest Italiano. Are you gonna be there on the 30th or. No, just the opening.

[Adam Carolla]

I think I'm just there on the prima note. And then other than that, it's a bunch of drunk whops hanging around, not letting me. I start to take a bite of a pizza. Hey, can we get a picture? And then it's. I put my arm around the guy holding my pizza, and then we take a picture, and then I start to put the pizza in my mouth and somewhere and goes, ace, man, let's get a shot. And Then you put your arm around that guy, and then I start. I never get to eat a pizza.

[David Damashek]

Blue mouth.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you actually.

[Frank Stallone]

Is Mangria actually in production yet?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Frank Stallone]

Is it a bottle or is it a box?

[Adam Carolla]

It's a bottle. It comes in a bottle, and it can be purchased. You can go to amcold.com and get it. Yes. Where?

[Frank Stallone]

Just on your site?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's shipping on Monday, but it's. It look like bottles.

[Frank Stallone]

Does it have your face on it?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I think we probably could find a picture of that. I'll tell you what, Alison Rose.

[David Damashek]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

As long as we're talking about Frank's music, and I tell a very quick story that ends with a compliment to Frank. When. Remember when P. Azadora was in here

[Adam Carolla]

and she was talking about Isadora?

[Brian Bishop]

That's right. P. Isadora was in here, and she was talking about the restaurant on Westwood Boulevard that she and Frank Sinatra used to go to after his gigs. It was Mateo's. And I had recently moved just down the street. I'm like, oh, I'm gonna go to this place and check it out. We love it. It's a great restaurant. My wife and I have not been.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

A dozen times in the last few months. It's a new neighborhood spot, but I'm in there, and there's a great old Italian place. They play great music there. Sinatra and Dean Martin and Bobby.

[Adam Carolla]

The Train set up top. Train set.

[Brian Bishop]

It's refurbished. It looks great. And I'm in there. I'm talking to the manager, and they're.

[Frank Stallone]

Kevin.

[Brian Bishop]

Great. Talking to Kevin. And they're playing great music. And I'm like, this sounds really good. This is.

[Bald Bryan]

This is great.

[Brian Bishop]

Whoever's singing, this is great. And I'm trying to place. I'm like, It's a little bit like Bobby Darin, but I can't quite play some. I. Kevin, who is the.

[Adam Carolla]

This.

[Brian Bishop]

It's Frank Stallone doing a standards album. That is fantastic.

[Adam Carolla]

Take it back. The knife. Knife. Yeah.

[Frank Stallone]

Thank you very much.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the Mangria bottle. That's actually a very nice bottle over there. Yeah.

[David Damashek]

Tasteful.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you.

[Frank Stallone]

Here's me.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Frank Stallone]

This is you singing.

[Adam Carolla]

I saw you.

[Frank Stallone]

Really good bottle.

[Adam Carolla]

I saw you in an Italian joint. Remember I was meeting Seth MacFarlane for lunch about a year, year and a half ago.

[Frank Stallone]

Was it Fabuccini's?

[Adam Carolla]

We're up at the top of the hill.

[Frank Stallone]

Fabricini's outside, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And I was meeting Seth MacFarlane for lunch, and I was early, or he was late, and I Sat at a table and it was right next to Frank Stallone, who was sitting with two 95 year old men.

[Frank Stallone]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

Eating soup. That's right. And I. First off, it's one of those things where I'd never been to this restaurant before. And it was one of those, those middle of the week, middle of the day things. And it's kind of. It felt it was a lot like, like stepmom coming home and seeing stepson just balls deep and his cheerleader girlfriend going, I come home one day, this is what you do this every day. And he's going, no, this is. But I said to Seth, where do you want to go to lunch? He said as his place up in the glen. By me.

[Frank Stallone]

Well, he plays at vibrato too sometimes.

[Adam Carolla]

By me, so just go, we'll just meet up there. And I went up there and I was there early. So I just sat at a table outside alone. And I looked to my left again. Middle of the week, middle of the day, there's Frank and two old Italian dudes with like bent up knuckles and busted noses who are combined age.

[Frank Stallone]

1, 190.

[Adam Carolla]

190 combined age. I'm sure one or two of them isn't with us anymore because it's been 14 months. I'm sure corpus delicti, not with us. And I looked over and I said, there's Frank Stallone. And then I remember thinking, this is perfect. This is exactly what I picture you doing in the middle of the day, in the middle of the week, which is you're eating like three bean soup at an Italian joint with two guys in their 90s wearing weird caps.

[Frank Stallone]

Because I'm trying to get a job. So other than that, to make me

[Adam Carolla]

see it fell, what were you doing there?

[Frank Stallone]

I go there all the time.

[Adam Carolla]

Just in the middle of the day, in the middle of the week with old men.

[Frank Stallone]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you know those guys?

[Frank Stallone]

See, you have a job, you have stuff to do. I'm like, I'm kind of in waiting.

[David Damashek]

Do you dine exclusively with old guys?

[Frank Stallone]

Well, yeah, sometimes.

[Adam Carolla]

Sometimes. One guy was a reporter, right? Yes, used to be.

[Frank Stallone]

He's 96 years old. He's still alive. The other guy, Milon, died. It was a great guy. He had cancer. The other guy who looked. He actually did look 100 years old, but he wasn't. He was just very ill. But the other guy actually used to write for the Los LA Mirror. That's how far back he goes, right? And he's just a great guy. He's an old Guy, man, I never met Seth, but I really admire him because I know he sings, he does the stand.

[Adam Carolla]

He's great. You guys. You guys are both. You're cut out of the same cloth because he loves doing the big band stuff and the standards and all that kind of stuff. But you both do something else as well. You act.

[Frank Stallone]

And I say, his job's a little more.

[Adam Carolla]

He may be getting. He may have a couple more nickels in a sofa pillow.

[Frank Stallone]

No, my brother said. He goes, you want to talk rich? I say, you think he's richer? And you goes, what? You fucking crazy? Yeah, of course he is.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, he doesn't have a bunch of divorces under his belt, but he likes the ladies.

[Frank Stallone]

I always hear he has some good ladies around him when he comes in.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, he likes them plenty, which is nice. And he's supposed to. And Ted made, you know, 250 million

[Frank Stallone]

bucks, and he owns it and has five shows on the air or something.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he's doing fine.

[Frank Stallone]

Well, God bless. Is he a nice guy?

[Adam Carolla]

That's why he bought me a set.

[Frank Stallone]

Is he a nice guy?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Frank Stallone]

That's why I heard he's really, really a good guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, he's a really nice guy.

[Frank Stallone]

That's what they say over Vibra, they say. Buys everyone sometimes no drinks for the house.

[Adam Carolla]

He'll buy a DeLorean if you hang out with.

[Frank Stallone]

It's not like he needs the money. He just plays there because he just wants to do it. He brings in, like, 30 pieces.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. It's in his neighborhood, and he lives up around there. And he's just the nicest dude in the world.

[Frank Stallone]

That's why I've heard. I've heard nothing but wonderful things. And I. I think he's just incredibly talented.

[Adam Carolla]

But. And I'm sorry for the loss of your friend, but it was weird when I. I was at a place I'd never been to before, and I thought, there's Frank Stallone doing what? I picture him doing.

[Frank Stallone]

Jersey Italians. That's kind of a nice little hang up there, isn't it? Yeah, you got the Mulholland Grill. You got that. You got the sushi place. But the Italians were taking over at the Holland Grill.

[Adam Carolla]

But didn't I. I didn't introduce you to Seth when you won, when he came up there that day.

[Frank Stallone]

I don't know. You might have.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I must stuff. You just.

[Frank Stallone]

I probably didn't know who.

[Adam Carolla]

You probably didn't know who he was.

[Frank Stallone]

I didn't.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Well, there you go.

[Frank Stallone]

I should have came around.

[Adam Carolla]

Doing. I should hang around with the old guys.

[Frank Stallone]

Hey, I can do voiceovers. Really? No, I can't.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's. Let's do ourselves a little. What'd you think of the Mangria bottle? Not bad, right?

[Frank Stallone]

I think it's a real. Seriously, I think it's a beautiful design. It's very clean. It's very nice.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you.

[Frank Stallone]

It's not, like, tacky. It's not like, you know, some people. People put their face on it. Like.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Nobody looks good when you're. When your head's cut out. Even when they take, like, you know, in the newspapers, they can take Runway models and cut their head out and just put them on, like, page, whatever, and it just. It never looks right. I don't know. I don't know why.

[Frank Stallone]

Now, let me ask you about the spade. Is that, like. What's up with that?

[Adam Carolla]

That's, like, sort of the Ace Corolla kind of kind of logo.

[Frank Stallone]

There is no racial bigotry.

[Adam Carolla]

He's a new employer. Affirmative action.

[Frank Stallone]

Anyway, who designed that label? It's really good.

[Adam Carolla]

Me. I had some guys do it, and they give you some options, and you kind of pick and circle the ones you like.

[Frank Stallone]

Mangria, kind of an offshoot from the Man Show. And sangria is kind of. So it's part sangria and vodka. Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's got that.

[Frank Stallone]

So that's for real, because I. I do that. Seriously. I. I have, like, bottles of wine, and I just don't want.

[Alana Stewart]

I hate.

[Frank Stallone]

You know, I grew up with no money. I don't pour things away, so I bring a funnel out. So I might put, like, Pinot Noir in, like, cabernet.

[Adam Carolla]

Is this what you and the old guys talk about?

[Frank Stallone]

Yeah, I don't give a shit.

[David Damashek]

Are there any two that you want mixed together?

[Frank Stallone]

I don't know the difference. I'm, like, retarded, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

Who doesn't?

[Frank Stallone]

People go like this. They go, what wine would you like? Would you smell that bouquet? I said, get the fuck out of here.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm always.

[Frank Stallone]

Is it cheap? Give it to me.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm always. By the way, no, doesn't do that. That Seth Macfarlane, he doesn't do what. He doesn't marry the wine bottles together like ketchup.

[Frank Stallone]

No, he probably owns a wine.

[Adam Carolla]

I never have since I don't care either. I just order the Pinot Noir when I go to a restaurant and I just get a glass, you know, give me a glass of Pinot Noir. And they go, well, which one would you like? And I go, well, just give me the house one.

[Frank Stallone]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

And then they go running stag or running fag, whatever. I don't know, Whatever it is. And I never have the guts to go, which one's cheaper? Because I don't care.

[Frank Stallone]

I do.

[Adam Carolla]

And then I get nervous and they go running stag finishes very nicely, and it's assertive without being pushy. And I go, but I want to go. Like, that sounds more than the other one. I don't really care about. I don't care about either one of them.

[Frank Stallone]

I don't either. And vodka to go. What kind of vodka you want? I said, I really don't give a shit. It all tastes the same.

[Adam Carolla]

It doesn't matter.

[Frank Stallone]

I go to Trader Joe's, and the vodka that has, like, all Russian writing on it, that's the one you buy. Like, yeah, yeah, that's when you buy. And because I was going out with this Russian. Well, I wasn't really going out with her. I was, you know, this Russian girl, and I said, what do you drink in Russia? They go, well, we're so poor, we drink shit. I said, is this real Russian vodka? She goes, yeah, it's $6 a bottle. They don't. We think they buy fucking vox.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's.

[Frank Stallone]

In Soviet Russia, here's the thing.

[Adam Carolla]

These ass wives that need the kettle one or claim the Belvedere. Yeah. And they're like, oh, out of great.

[Frank Stallone]

Oh, Jimi Hendrix. There's a Hendrix one that.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, right. There's a million of them.

[Frank Stallone]

The point is, Monster Poison.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's the cutoff point for me. Does it come in a glass bottle? Exactly. Because if it comes in a plastic bottle, that's a little. That's where I draw the line. Glass bottle. And whenever they do the test. Same way when they do the test with the shampoo. Same way with everything. They're all the same. They're exact same. People cannot tell the difference between the smearing off and the one I. Vodka, which is.

[David Damashek]

The whole point is that it doesn't really have much taste. And I'm sure people are going to be like, no, this one tastes more like. Like, I don't know, potatoes.

[Frank Stallone]

These are.

[Bald Bryan]

These are.

[Frank Stallone]

People go like this. I said, I'll take Sky Vodka. It's made in California. Excuse me. I go, hey, you know, fuck you, okay? I mean, blow me. I mean, the thing is. I mean, it's fucking cheap fuck over there with all, like. It's like. It's like the guy that goes into Ralph's pulls Up in a Bentley with a stack of coupons. I say, are you kidding me?

[Adam Carolla]

Now you're making this up.

[Frank Stallone]

Oh, no, no, no, no. I've seen like stacks of coupons and there's like a Mercedes Maybach out there.

[Adam Carolla]

There's like something maybe your mom would have done.

[Frank Stallone]

Well, my mom. My mom's reckless. She doesn't give a shit.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, she doesn't give a shit.

[Frank Stallone]

Nah. She would just kick the lady.

[Adam Carolla]

Was she nuts or just wildly eccentric?

[Frank Stallone]

She's still.

[Adam Carolla]

She's still alive.

[Frank Stallone]

Yes, I was gonna say. No, it's my sister who died last week.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Frank Stallone]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I didn't know that.

[Frank Stallone]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Your sister died.

[Frank Stallone]

51 years old.

[Alana Stewart]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

What happened? And your nephew died.

[Frank Stallone]

My nephew died July, three months ago. Yeah. And my dad. So in 13 months, I lost my father, my sister and my nephew.

[Adam Carolla]

Jesus Christ. And your nephew and your sister's combined age was probably less than your dad, younger than me. Unbelievable. No, well, not combine it.

[Frank Stallone]

My sage was 36. My sister just turned 52. But she smoked three packs of cigarettes a day or one.

[Allison Rosen]

What?

[Adam Carolla]

With sage, everyone went, oh, well, you know, drugs.

[Frank Stallone]

It wasn't.

[Adam Carolla]

I know it wasn't. He had a heart attack.

[Frank Stallone]

He smoked over four packs of cigarettes a day.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Frank Stallone]

Yeah. And he was overweight and he drank tons of soda. He was a sweet kid. He was. I just went to a thing. They had a thing at the Beverly Theater. Kind of like, you know, he hung around all these people. He started Grindhouse. He did. That's his company, Grindhouse.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, it was. I mean, it is.

[Frank Stallone]

Yeah, he started Grindhouse and he was just one of these kind of a nerdy guy. And he was wonderful. Knew everything about movies. But, you know, a lot of these guys don't take of care care of themselves. He didn't play sports. He sat around, stayed up all night and Poor kid just had a heart attack. It was terrible. But I remember when it happened. Of course. Stallone's son kills himself. I said, oh, please.

[Adam Carolla]

Just that. I mean, that kind of lifestyle, even at that age. Yeah.

[Frank Stallone]

I will just tell you one thing and I'll change it. But I mean, the thing is to sit there with my brother who's, you know, he's a macho guy, he's rated the most famous action star in the history of movies. To sit there at the graveyard to look at your son's casket at 36 years old with him and he's going, this is supposed to be the best time of my life. I got a movie opening up my Kids are doing good. It's just a horrible thing you never want to do. So I can just tell people out there, if your kids smoke, tell them not to. And if you call your children and they're not responding and they're getting, like, kind of inhibited, just go and yank

[Adam Carolla]

them out the house and make them shake them. Yeah, yeah.

[Frank Stallone]

So it's a.

[Adam Carolla]

It's very sad.

[Frank Stallone]

It is very sad. But, you know, look, you know, we go on with life. He's a wonderful kid. The legacy will live on. He's a good kid, but, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

And your mom is how old?

[Frank Stallone]

My mom, she'll kill me, but she'll be 91.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Frank Stallone]

And my sister lived with her and died in her arms. I mean, that's not supposed to happen either, dude. No, it's not supposed to happen that. You're not supposed to live that long where your kids die. Right? Me, I. Now I'm getting scared because my aunt died at 99, my father died at 91, and I'm trying to get a job. What happens if I lived at 99 years old? What's going to happen?

[Adam Carolla]

I'll take care of you.

[Frank Stallone]

I'm going to be homeless.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll talk to Seth.

[Frank Stallone]

I'll be bottling Mangria wine.

[Adam Carolla]

Seth will take care of you.

[Frank Stallone]

Seth. Seth.

[Adam Carolla]

Ma'. Am.

[Frank Stallone]

Sorry I dissed you at Favoncinis, dude.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, you were nice. I'm sure I dissed you. I'm always nice.

[Frank Stallone]

But can you imagine if I lived a hundred years old? I have no gigs now. Can you imagine back then?

[Adam Carolla]

What do you mean? The Feast of Santa will be entering its 51st year. Yeah. All right.

[Frank Stallone]

Without paying. That's good. That's good.

[Adam Carolla]

It's an honor just to play.

[Frank Stallone]

I know it is.

[Adam Carolla]

Believe me. I'll. I'll be up there auctioning off a Shaq shoe for the. For the kids, believe you me. All right, let's do. Let me give a little. You have to. We always have to. Every time up there, we, me and Jimmy have to do the auction on the Prima note night. It's always Aerosmith's guitar, you know, signed by the band. It's never their guitar. And then.

[Frank Stallone]

Yeah, he's not gonna give you. Joe Perry's not gonna give you his 58 less.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, what we end up doing is, you know, the entire band signed this, and then you sign.

[Frank Stallone]

It's a Mexican Strat.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You sign a number to it, and that number's like a $3,600 value. It's an idiot. You start the bidding at $17, and then you get a couple of nods and it goes up to like. But no one buys into the $3,500 value because it's really hard to say exactly what.

[Frank Stallone]

What's the most expensive thing you ever got sold?

[Adam Carolla]

People understand the vacations pretty well. Like the five nights in Maui kind of thing. Two couple, airfare included. Blah, blah, blah. Game, round of golf. Like that they can wrap their head around.

[Frank Stallone]

Kobe jersey is done.

[Adam Carolla]

They've seen that we are wildly jaded with the Internet and all the jerseys and the Shaq shoes and the guitar sign and the basketball signed by the Championship Lakers and all that kind of stuff. Nobody anything. I think the Lucite case actually hurts things now. Yeah, I'm convinced. If I put my dick in a Lucite case, it would be worth less.

[Frank Stallone]

That's true.

[Adam Carolla]

That's true.

[Frank Stallone]

And it would decompose faster.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Allison Rosen]

Got it.

[David Damashek]

Just put a Lucite case over him. Sort of like one of those little things you put over a room service plate.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I'd have to get it. I'd have to get it tinted so the UV Rays wouldn't attend.

[Frank Stallone]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

You'd have to use Stamps.com, baby. Stamps.com. that's what you need.

[Frank Stallone]

What?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, actually, Frank, you don't need stanks. What's stanks?

[Frank Stallone]

I had some stanks.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't need stamps.com because you got a lot of time on your hands.

[Frank Stallone]

I do have lots of.

[Adam Carolla]

But for the busy people. Your brother needs stamps.com. he's got to go to stamps.com because he's a busy man. He's trying to make the Expendables 3 and 4. Probably at the same time.

[Frank Stallone]

No. Well, he's doing a movie now with De Niro. Wow. It's a boxing movie called the Grudge. It's gonna be funny.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, good. Well, he needs Hampstead gum. That's right. You can print official US Postage for any letter package. And you do it on your own computer. And you never go to the post office again. And my assistant Matt uses it here. We use it at the office. He sends a.

[Frank Stallone]

It's not illegal.

[Adam Carolla]

A porcelain Punisher. This is diabolical. It sounds incredible. They will give you a scale. You plug it into your computer, you weigh your parcel, and you print out on your own computer. You print out the stamps, or you print out the postage, that is.

[Frank Stallone]

But then you have to take it to the post office. How do you get the stick?

[Adam Carolla]

Give it to your post.

[Frank Stallone]

How do you get the stick on the package?

[David Damashek]

A wrinkle.

[Brian Bishop]

Either tape or you print it onto one of those Avery labels.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Sticky paper. You go to stamps.com right now. What is like, by the way? You get mind blown, right? 55 bucks free postage if you sign up. Enter Adam, go to stamps.com. now click on the microphone at the top of the homepage. Type in Adam, that is stamps.com promo code. Adam. Your mind is blown, man.

[Frank Stallone]

No, my mind is blown because there's nothing left to the imagination. George Orwell's 1984 is a fucking joke. Completely.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. I mean, it's like he couldn't imagine. Stamps.com? no, he didn't have that imagination. No, but I've said that I say that when I watch some of these, like whenever I drive down the freeways in LA and I see the razor wire around the freeway signs, I think they didn't have this in Escape from New York. No, they couldn't imagine. It's weird when they can't imagine stamps

[Frank Stallone]

or razor wire there. And tag. How do you. I've seen these things. It's impossible. You'd have to have a cherry picker. You get a cherry picker in Westwood to like sit there and mark someone's dentist thing. Hey, for fucking dental teeth. And they color one thing out so it looks like his tooth is missing. How do you get up there?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. Yeah, you need a scissor lift and you need a little something called grit. And you got it. Yeah, I got it. The Stallone's got gray.

[Frank Stallone]

I got more stank than grit, though. Some stank on there, man.

[Adam Carolla]

I want to hear some Frank Stallone in the background while I talk a little about GoToMeeting. Yeah, you think your mind was blown by stamps.com? i'm going to continue to blow your mind.

[Frank Stallone]

Okay, man, hit it.

[Adam Carolla]

Go to meeting with HD Faces. Oh, that's right. Beyond the Sea. Go to meeting. Brought to you by Sitting Tricks. You can meet with the team face to face, no matter where. Wherever you are, wherever you are in the world, you just got your laptop computer or you got your iPad and pow. You can download the GoToMeeting app and you can see everybody in your office.

[Brian Bishop]

Beyond the sea.

[Adam Carolla]

You could be beyond the sea. That's right.

[Frank Stallone]

Do you mean you could actually have people gathered in a room and have a meeting?

[Adam Carolla]

Have meaning? You don't have to have them gather in a room. You can have them spread out out all over this man's US Of A.

[Frank Stallone]

Really?

[David Damashek]

They could be in the room and you could be in another room.

[Adam Carolla]

You could beat that Italian joint on the top of the head.

[Frank Stallone]

I could be in my hotel getting stank.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Frank Stallone]

And I actually could have a meeting.

[David Damashek]

You could meet with the stank first.

[Adam Carolla]

Your brother could call you. You could see him face to face. You could talk about doing some of the music for you, for him. And the Bobby Dairo film coming up. What would that sound, sound like if your brother called you and wanted to talk about doing music?

[Frank Stallone]

Hey,

[Allison Rosen]

brother.

[Frank Stallone]

I said, hey, man. What's up, man? I'm doing a studio picture. I haven't done a studio picture in 20 years.

[Adam Carolla]

Warner's.

[Frank Stallone]

I said, you're going to do a dinero. I don't know. I don't know. I can't do Focus Expendables. I can't even walk anymore, you know? So what are you gonna do, huh? So listen, can you lend me some money? Get the out, keep me in the movie.

[Adam Carolla]

Now try go to meeting free for 45 days only if you use the promo code Adam. Let's go to meeting. Promo code Adam. Visit GoToMeeting.com Click on the Try it Free button and enter the promo code Adam. Yeah, how is that? Okay, look. Looks fantastic. And he moved up.

[Frank Stallone]

He looks great. He's had four operations this year because he can't do them anymore. I mean, he did all his own stunts and all his movies, and it's just like the one that did him in was Stone Cold Steve Austin. If you look at the outtakes of Expendables, they kind of skimped on this stuff. And Stone Cold, like slammed him in and it was a real brick jagged wall. And he almost broke his neck. And you see him walking off, but to his grief, he finished the movie. I'm telling you, he could hardly move. It was excruciating. Break your vertebrates, your neck. He had to finish the movie. And so he's gotten hurt in a lot of movies. And he's 66 years old.

[Adam Carolla]

I try to tell people all the time that actors, whereas everyone thinks of actors as sort of pampered Hollywood pussies, are the toughest, most competitive guys out there. Because how do you do what they do? I mean, whether you're Tom Cruise or Sly Stallone, how do you get to where they are if you're not dogged? Work your ass off. Decide to work out three hours a day, every day and just fucking go balls to the wall. On everything, there's no sleeping in. You can't be Tom Cruise or Sly Stallone. If you just sleep in, you'll never become that.

[Frank Stallone]

No, because I remember when people go, I can't work out, I go, blow me, will you? Listen, I remember when Sly was doing Rockies. He's the writer, the director and the star. He would get up at 4:30 in the morning, go to have a trainer gym, be on the set at 6. If you want to do it, you have to do it. He goes, I have my shirt off half the movie. What? I can't. I got to be in shape.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Frank Stallone]

And we did. And he's always hurt. When he did the last Rocky Balbo, he had a broken toe. He's fighting Antonio Tarvery, 60 years old.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Right.

[Frank Stallone]

And believe me, if you think. And you know, you were a fighter, you know, I don't care if you're playboxing, punches get through, you get hit. I don't care how good of stunt person, you get hit.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And you have to do it from a thousand angles, a thousand different times,

[Frank Stallone]

and those shots come through. I mean, you can only block so much.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And make it look realistic. And then there's a part of you that goes, I'll just let him hit me so we can print it and move on.

[Frank Stallone]

Well, there were a lot of those.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Frank Stallone]

I mean, you can't get sweat to fly off your head if you don't get hit.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Frank Stallone]

When you see a slow motion, your face looks like Gorgo, Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Antonio Tarver, light heavyweight champ and heavyweight for a little while.

[Frank Stallone]

Yeah. It's a brutal. Listen, and everyone says, I'm not into MMA that much. Are you?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I like any combat sport. I just like.

[Frank Stallone]

I'm not into it as much. It's a little.

[Adam Carolla]

I like the fact that, that Antonio Tarver, his second fight with Roy Jones knocked him stiff. When Roy Jones was the greatest pound for pound guy out there. And people call him probably the greatest light heavyweight ever. And literally unbelievable. And such an insane athlete.

[Frank Stallone]

Yes, he was a good athlete, a great athlete.

[Adam Carolla]

That Roy Jones would play in an amateur basketball game. Basketball game before the final that day. Like he'd have an am. He'd be playing point guard. And I don't mean a pickup game, I mean, like, you know, a minor league basketball team during that, the day of the fight, and then go out and annihilate the guy. They did the. They had one fight. Tarver sort of won. It was really shocking, but I don't know, it ended up being a draw or whatever it was, but he was unfucking believable. And. And somebody said, so Tarver gets in the middle of the ring and he's fighting this rematch with this unbelievable athlete and unbeatable fighter. And the referee goes, all right, any questions? Any questions? And he goes, you got any excuses tonight, Roy? It was like, what?

[Frank Stallone]

I remember that it was like.

[Adam Carolla]

And he knocked himself and then he knocked him out. But he literally said to him, like, face to face. Because like, there's a lot of talk at the press conference and all that kind of stuff. But when you actually get in the ring with the dude and his shirts off and you go, this guy is 47 and 1 and his one loss was because he knocked the guy out. But it was a second after the bell rang or something. And he's annihilated anyone. He's like, you're going to talk shit in the center of the ring with this guy right now. I think he said, you have any. What's your excuse going to be tonight? Or you have any excuses tonight? And it was like. And then he just went. Then he went and knocked him out.

[Frank Stallone]

Yeah, and Rory's been getting knocked out a lot lately. He really shouldn't.

[Adam Carolla]

He's not fighting anymore. That was it.

[Frank Stallone]

You can only take so many points.

[Adam Carolla]

It's funny though, to have your 66 year old brother probably telling Roy Jones, you know, you're 38 now, you should.

[Frank Stallone]

You know, Roy Jones never got back to him. So I was one to use him in Rocky Balboa and Roy Jones never

[Adam Carolla]

got back that had. It had to be his. No, no big timed him.

[Frank Stallone]

He called him.

[Adam Carolla]

Had to be someone going, slash stone wants to do. Nah, man, I don't.

[Frank Stallone]

I want to take you higher part two.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't make music videos, man.

[Frank Stallone]

No, he got confused and he turned it down. He turned it down. Swear to God, he never got back to slide.

[Adam Carolla]

He spends a lot of time in Dade county raising. Fighting. Yeah.

[Frank Stallone]

Under. Under Plexiglass.

[Adam Carolla]

Fights chickens. Chicken fighter.

[Frank Stallone]

How come he can get away with it? And here if you yell at your dog, you get sent to the SPCA or whatever.

[Adam Carolla]

I. I don't know. I think part of it is living

[Frank Stallone]

in Florida and he fights dogs too.

[Adam Carolla]

Does he fight dogs?

[Frank Stallone]

Of course he does. His cock. Roosters and dogs.

[Adam Carolla]

I didn't know he had dogs. Illegal cocks.

[Frank Stallone]

Not in where he's from.

[Adam Carolla]

Cox. I think you can get like a. I think.

[Frank Stallone]

Nah, you can't fight roosters. You know, I got attacked.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yes. You can.

[Frank Stallone]

I got attacked by one on Sepulveda Boulevard.

[David Damashek]

By a cock.

[Frank Stallone]

A cock? Yes, I.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait a minute.

[Frank Stallone]

I will tell, I swear.

[Adam Carolla]

You guys find out if you can fight roosters legally, I think you can get like an Indian casino. I think you can get like a cultural pass. Are you fighting roosters? I think if you're a black guy and your dad fought roosters, you can fight roosters too.

[Frank Stallone]

Maybe there's a grandfather law.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. You were attacked by a rooster.

[Frank Stallone]

Let me tell you what happened, man. I swear to God, I'd get up at 5, 5:30 in the morning, and I'd like walk and jog. So I'd live.

[Adam Carolla]

On Ventura Boulevard?

[Frank Stallone]

No, Santa Monica.

[Adam Carolla]

On Santa Monica.

[Frank Stallone]

So I swear to God, I'm going down Santa Monica Boulevard. I got my headset on about three years ago, and I turn right. You know where the new art theater is?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Frank Stallone]

So I make that corner. I think it's sawtelle. And I swear to God, it's like 5:30 in the morning, and I see these little chickens, like bantam roosters, but they're small.

[Adam Carolla]

I go, fuck.

[Frank Stallone]

And they're like eating like the one

[Adam Carolla]

like your brother had to catch to be a greasy, lightning, fat shit thunder. Like crap lightning. Just chicken.

[Frank Stallone]

So anyway, yeah, I see it. I go, wow, man. You know, we had a farm growing up. I'm just awesome. But they're on the sidewalk and there's like this really bad used car. Like Armenian, this used car place. So I go like this. And I go, wow. Hey, what's happening, man? I think. And the thing attacked me.

[Adam Carolla]

Attacked by the.

[Frank Stallone]

Out of me. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Frank Stallone]

Because they can jump and even like. Like, right. And pecked me and scratched me. You motherfucker.

[Adam Carolla]

Birds are mean. Yeah. They don't like human beings or any other thing that runs.

[Frank Stallone]

So next day. So I said, I'm gonna shoot this motherfucker tomorrow. So I had my.38 and I put snake shot in it.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Frank Stallone]

And I said, come by.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. It's the right thing to do.

[David Damashek]

He'd be able to identify that particular motherfucker.

[Frank Stallone]

If there was a rooster, he's getting shot.

[Adam Carolla]

Whether he's a snake shot is basically a Shotgun for your.38.

[Frank Stallone]

That's it.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Frank Stallone]

And I was gonna come by in the morning, I was gonna throw like a piece of bread, then cap that. Because I went to the police station. I said, I just got attacked by a rooster. And they go, well, what would you like us to do about. I said, well, kill that. You kidding? What happens If a little kid walked up to him and a rooster attacked. If I could think, jump. They can jump like, six feet.

[David Damashek]

And he's put down and destroyed.

[Frank Stallone]

And big spurs. Oh, I was laying. I swear to God.

[David Damashek]

Wait, it had the razor.

[Frank Stallone]

Yeah, well, they have big spurs. They put razors on them. So I talked to my friend across the street. There's a body shop. I go away, say, who the. What are these roosters doing on Sawtelle, right near the New Earth Theater?

[Adam Carolla]

He goes, we got to get you a job.

[Frank Stallone]

There's these fucking Armenian guys. They've never sold a car, but there's something going on there. I said, like, illegal, maybe, fighting roosters or like killing people and. But I said, if I see that rooster, I said, I'm shooting. Shooting that. So I came by next morning. I had a Colt Hammerless Bodyguard, Smith and Wesson Model 60. And I was gonna cap his ass. And I would have been quick, just like. Yeah, it's not loud.

[Adam Carolla]

Snake shot's not loud.

[Frank Stallone]

No, just going like this. And I was just popped. I could have taken two with one, though, right?

[Adam Carolla]

So the chicken's not there? I mean.

[Frank Stallone]

No, they disappeared, man. I never saw them again. I think they went on the lamb.

[David Damashek]

It's not safe for us here.

[Adam Carolla]

Cocks on the lamb, cocks on the lamp. In the United States, cockfighting now illegal in all 50 US states and the District of Columbia. Let's see, last state implemented the ban was Louisiana. What the prove? The ban was Puerto Rico in Los Angeles.

[David Damashek]

Hold on.

[Adam Carolla]

This is not the Puerto Rico I know.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm envisioning a scenario in which the cop goes in the back. The rest of the cops goes, Frank Stallone just told me to ask me

[Adam Carolla]

to shoot a chicken. Yeah, yeah.

[Frank Stallone]

And Sawtelle.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Frank Stallone]

So that means Roy Jones was champ then. So maybe he was legal then.

[Adam Carolla]

I guess it was. I mean, he.

[Frank Stallone]

Pensacola, Florida.

[Adam Carolla]

He didn't make any bones about fighting Cox dogs. Bart, I don't know about. I don't think I spoke about that.

[Frank Stallone]

I got a team that made that up.

[David Damashek]

Still gunning for the rooster.

[Frank Stallone]

Well. Well, I don't know. I think they're probably dead by now. But I gotta tell you something. Something. I'm not into dog fighting. Roosters. I don't really give a. I mean, it's not like I don't like birds anyway.

[Adam Carolla]

Nobody should like birds.

[David Damashek]

I would never. A bird?

[Adam Carolla]

No, just for. They're for eating.

[Frank Stallone]

Like, I was in my house, and all of a sudden this screeching, screaming for 20 minutes. And I looked outside the tree and there was a whole tree of parrots.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, there's wild parrots flying around and

[Frank Stallone]

they squawk and I'm crazy.

[Adam Carolla]

You went for the snake shot again, huh?

[Frank Stallone]

No, I went for the banana.

[Adam Carolla]

What's the Benelli?

[Frank Stallone]

It's a, it's a semi automatic shotgun. And I was a. I was gonna do some serious damage. I had slugs.

[Adam Carolla]

We gotta get you a gig, right? We gotta get you.

[Frank Stallone]

And I wanted to sit under that tree and just like.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. People don't realize that if you. I've seen them in Malibu. I've seen them in the hills up here. I've seen them in la.

[David Damashek]

There's so much green paraffin flying around too. Like, evidently they all came from New York.

[Brian Bishop]

I have the.

[Adam Carolla]

Had the party house in Sherman Oaks and would see just the schools of flying by. Yeah.

[Frank Stallone]

And then I saw, I went. Then I, I saw some McCall's. Like, what the. Yeah, put this way, it's a bird. You open the window, he's gonna sit in a cage where he shits on newspaper all day, right? Or he's got the opportunity.

[Adam Carolla]

He's going, that's right.

[Frank Stallone]

Would you, somebody.

[Dana Workman]

Would you like a cracker?

[Frank Stallone]

You want you. I don't want to talk. Stupid bird. He wants to go live out in the wild. Listen, he doesn't want to sit on a perch.

[Adam Carolla]

I hate birds.

[Frank Stallone]

And take a dump on like yesterday's newspaper.

[Adam Carolla]

They're meaner than they are meaner.

[Frank Stallone]

I hate them.

[Adam Carolla]

I've said it a million times. If they were the size of even medium sized dogs, we'd all be dead. They would just land on our heads and pull them off.

[David Damashek]

The personality of a goose.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Frank Stallone]

Well, you know, they're. They're reptiles.

[Adam Carolla]

They're fucking horrible, you know, raptor.

[Frank Stallone]

That we think. Yes, they're reptiles. Look at their feet and things in their face.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they should all be killed.

[Frank Stallone]

I think I agree with that. I think it's a dumb retarded pet.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you.

[Frank Stallone]

It's like, I mean, they don't want to talk.

[Adam Carolla]

Frank, you should do a, like a PSA for like the parrots. Humane Society. Frank Stallone, by the way, I'm Frank Stallone.

[Frank Stallone]

Fucking macaws or hyacinth or yellow naped or freaking grays.

[Adam Carolla]

The only thing I like, like, I'll tell you the only bird I like, the cockatoo.

[David Damashek]

A dead one?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, a dead one. I, I like a pelican. Just because of the novelty of them. I Love to watch them dive into the bay. And I love that huge those jowls that hang down under there and they're harmless. The Italian feast of San Geneva, September 30th. He's going to be performing also Vibrato Jazz Grill, October 9th in LA. Hey, maybe McFarland swings by.

[Frank Stallone]

I wish he was. Tell him to come by and I will have a parrot for him. Pressed parrot like under remember whatever happened to Baby Jane where they had the rat?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Frank Stallone]

I will have a parrot plucked to your delight.

[Adam Carolla]

Frankstallone.com is where you go. You can Twitter him @frankstallone4 no, sorry. Stallone4 Real. Yeah. The number four. Oh, alright again. Crowne Plaza, Hotel Ventura, California, doing live podcast. Yeah. Foxwood Casino doing some stand up over there. Me and Dennis Prager, Tampa and Dallas combined. Available through our store right now. And it's almost four hours.

[Frank Stallone]

What's a Kimmel center? Is that Jimmy's people or what?

[Adam Carolla]

No, although I'm sure he'll own it soon enough. I'll be playing be with Prager in Philly as a kiddo center. Oh, great guy. Great guy. And you guys can hear us if you like on itunes or you can go to our store and check that out as well. So until next time, this is Adam Pearl for Frank Stallone, Dave Dabushak, Allison Rosen and Bo Brian Saiyan. Mahalo. Well, I have to go down to South Central to score some crack and I don't want to get jacked.

[Alana Stewart]

Pluto TV has thousands of free movies and TV shows.

[Adam Carolla]

If I'm lying, I'm dying. This is the mindset. Free. This is the mantra. Free. This is the.

[Alana Stewart]

With movies like Interstellar Dream Girls and Gladiator, why are you not entertained?

[Adam Carolla]

And TV shows like Survivor, SpongeBob SquarePants,

[Alana Stewart]

the Fairly Odd Parents and Ghosts, Pluto TV is always free.

[Adam Carolla]

Huzzah.

[Alana Stewart]

Pluto TV stream now pay. Never.

[Allison Rosen]

All right, that's adam Kroll show 913 with the legendary Frank Stallone, legend in

[Adam Carolla]

his own right and legend on the acs.

[Allison Rosen]

Some of the most classic episodes. Jesse Thorne from Bullseye and Maximum Fun

[Adam Carolla]

was a really big fan of the

[Allison Rosen]

early Frank Stallone episodes. All right, coming up next, we have Adam Kolla Show 935 featuring Alana Stewart, Allison Rosen and Brian Bishop from 2012.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, welcome Alana Stewart to the studio. Good to see you.

[Alana Stewart]

Thank you. Good to see you.

[Adam Carolla]

Rear View Mirror is the name of Alana's book. It's Alana's Rags to Riches journey and you can get it on Amazon and as we always say, if you're going to go to Amazon and get Alana's book, which I know you're going to do, go to AdamCroll.com and click our banner. Show us a little love for the pirate ship. Let's get into it. Baby girl, where did you grow up? Where did it all start? When did you find out you were good looking?

[Alana Stewart]

I grew up in Nacogdoches, Texas. This little. Well, my mother had me in California and brought me back to Texas, her home. When I was 14 months old and I grew up with my grandmother, she left me with my grandmother. I grew up in Nacogdoches.

[Adam Carolla]

Was your mom a young mom?

[Alana Stewart]

She was 20 years old and she went into Houston to get a job as a waitress and left me out in the country with my grandmother. We had an outdoor toilet. I don't know how many people you know that had an outhouse, but I'm one.

[Adam Carolla]

I stayed in a house. We lived in a house in Monomoly, Wisconsin that had chamber pots for a while, but no chambermaids.

[Alana Stewart]

Ooh, chamber pots are nasty.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's bad news. Like, hey, I think I'm gonna shit in a bucket and put under my bed. All right, sleep tight.

[Brian Bishop]

Nacogdoches, Texas. Sounds like a blues singer.

[Adam Carolla]

It does, yeah. He had 89 kids. 172 grandchildren. Died at 74. So your mom, now did she. Do you look at. Did she abandon the family?

[Alana Stewart]

Well, she didn't really abandon me. She left me with my grandmother because she couldn't work and take care of me at the same time.

[Adam Carolla]

Your dad, did you know your dad?

[Alana Stewart]

I never met my dad, no. She left him in California and he didn't seem to want to really search me out.

[Adam Carolla]

Were you ever reunited with your father?

[Alana Stewart]

No, he died when he was 46. And I found out about it through my grandmother, who had stayed in touch with his mother. But I never met him and I never got a letter from him and I never heard from him and.

[Adam Carolla]

Not good for a young girl, not good.

[Alana Stewart]

Because, you know, they say for a girl not knowing her father is much, much worse than having a father and losing him, like having him die. Because if you don't have a male figure when you're growing up, then you sort of go around with some screwed up idea of what it is you're looking for.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I just know that women are wired much more delicately than men emotionally.

[Alana Stewart]

That is a very sensitive, interesting, true way to put it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they just are. And guys, I always Say women are wired like British sports cars from the 50s and 60s and guys are just like trucks. And, you know, we don't feel as much on a good end and on a bad end. You know what I mean? Like, when people go like, oh, come on, why aren't you happier for your son and his stupid drawing on his piece of craft paper? It's like we don't have the highs and we don't really have the lows either. We have sort of in the middle. When a young boy never knows his dad, it's hurtful. But when a young woman never knows her father, it's devastating, I believe.

[Alana Stewart]

I think they're both devastating, to tell you the truth. But I will say that growing up without a father is very difficult for a young woman because I think that a mother can show a daughter how to be a woman woman, but a mother can't show a son how to be a man. He needs a father for that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but this creates, I think a young girl being abandoned, it's not growing up without. Because if your dad was a hero in Vietnam and got shot down by a MiG with his F4 over MiG Alley, you just carry around his purple heart and you're fine. I mean, your heart's broken, but you know, he wanted to be there, there for you. And your mom tells you stories about. You're all he spoke about. And he carried his, your picture and his jumpsuit and all that kind of

[Alana Stewart]

stuff and he's this big hero to you and he exists. You have pictures of him and things.

[Adam Carolla]

But when dad just never shows any interest, that creates a problem with men. And that means you have to get attention from men. Hey everybody, she's from Scrumdilly Inches, Texas Soup and Mac and cheese Dosha. J J sir. So you need attention. You need attention from men. And when you're tall and you're blonde and you're beautiful, it's easy to get attention from men.

[Alana Stewart]

Well, guess what? I was tall and blonde and very skinny and very tall growing up until I got into high school, I was gawky, I know. And I was teased by the boys. No one thought I was pretty.

[Adam Carolla]

I've heard it all before, sweetheart, I

[Alana Stewart]

can tell you I was knock kneed and nobody thought I was pretty. I wasn't getting any dates in junior high school, I can tell you that.

[Adam Carolla]

But then, then I say, what were you doing at 17? And you're like, I was in Milan modeling. And how many lean years did you have again?

[Alana Stewart]

Well, hey, there was a turnover there.

[Adam Carolla]

All Right. I don't care about the four months that were a little bit shaky. When you're in the eighth grade, that's just 16 years. All right? You can't count zero.

[Alana Stewart]

No. You know what I did when I was.

[Adam Carolla]

When did you start your modeling?

[Alana Stewart]

Well, I went to New York when I was 19.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, boy. When you've loved and lost like that.

[Alana Stewart]

I went to New York and it wasn't that easy. And I, I. Everybody told me how dangerous New York was, so I put an ice pick in my, in my purse and carried it around New York in case anybody screwed with me. Don't mess with Texas, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Back when an ice pick was a weapon. Back when you needed an ice pick.

[David Damashek]

Back when you could actually get an ice pick.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't mess with Texas.

[Alana Stewart]

And guess what? I couldn't have gotten on a plane with it today.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. So there you go. But you go from awkward to beautiful pretty quickly. You go to New York.

[Alana Stewart]

Well, 16 years is not that quickly.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, again, I'm not starting at age two. Okay, you have to get a pube first and then we'll start with the clock. Starts when you get your first pube.

[David Damashek]

It's a pubic.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's not like. Well, nobody wants to have sex with that four year old. She's knock kneed. Oh, God. You know what I'm saying? We got to start. We can't start at zero.

[Alana Stewart]

Okay, so we're going. We'll move along.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You were 19. Would you do any modeling in Texas before you went to New York?

[Alana Stewart]

I think I did one, like little modeling show or something.

[Adam Carolla]

And what got you, what made you decide to go to New York? York.

[Alana Stewart]

Well, sorry, you know what? Actually I had a very crazy, dysfunctional family. My mother was a drug addict and she eventually died of an overdose. And I had a very. Once I went to live with her, my childhood was very chaotic.

[Adam Carolla]

What was her drug of choice? As Dr. Drew would say?

[Alana Stewart]

Prescription pills.

[Adam Carolla]

Really? Back then?

[Alana Stewart]

Well, back in those days and the 50s, it was like. What were they? They were Darvon and Milltown and Nembutal and Seconal and all those kind of things.

[David Damashek]

Those are all downers, right?

[Alana Stewart]

A lot of downers, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So you went back at what age to live with mama?

[Alana Stewart]

When I was 9.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, boy.

[Alana Stewart]

And she had married. She was on her fourth marriage with my fourth stepfather. Boy, but he was a good guy. Except he was an alcoholic, so. Yeah. Sounds like a soap opera, doesn't it?

[Adam Carolla]

No, he had to be an alcoholic. That's who your mom is attracted to. I'm sure her dad was an alcoholic.

[Alana Stewart]

Well, my real dad was an alcoholic.

[Adam Carolla]

He died at her grand. I'm sure her granddad was something.

[Alana Stewart]

No, but her husband. My father was an alcoholic.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, sure. Yeah.

[Alana Stewart]

And he died at 46.

[Adam Carolla]

I'd be curious to find out what her dad was like.

[Alana Stewart]

He wasn't an alcoholic, but he died when she was six.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh. All right.

[Alana Stewart]

So. But I don't know. I've been trying to find out if there was more alcoholism back then, but,

[Adam Carolla]

you know, I'm guessing there's something. So she didn't, you know, and it's that. It's that perfect cycle. She never really knew her dad. You never really knew your dad? What did her dad die of when she was six?

[Alana Stewart]

A heart attack.

[Adam Carolla]

So very young.

[Alana Stewart]

Yeah, very young. And then I had an incident that. That. That is actually in the book. I start the book with it. Someone broke into my apartment when I was 18 and held a knife at my throat in the night and raped me and left me in a puddle of blood for dead.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Dana Workman]

Yep.

[Alana Stewart]

That's how the book starts. It's the first page of the book,

[Adam Carolla]

and, boy, I got questions. I see.

[Alana Stewart]

You got to read this book, Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

No kidding. The thing.

[Alana Stewart]

And that's what made me want to get the hell out of Texas.

[Adam Carolla]

That was in Texas?

[Alana Stewart]

That happened in Texas.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you say puddle of blood. They held a knife to you. They cut you with the knife?

[Alana Stewart]

No, I woke up in the middle of the night, and somebody was leaning over me in the dark with a knife at my throat. And that's the first sentence of that chapter. And I didn't start it that way to be sensationalist. I started it that way because that was such a traumatic event in my life, and it propelled me to get out of Texas. It gave me. Gave me the courage to just move out and try to put my past behind me. But I jumped. He said in a very raspy voice, if you move or say anything, I'll kill you. I jumped up and tried to scream, but, you know, it was one of those things when it won't come out. And he hit me with his fist and knocked me so hard that I flew across the room and hit the back of my head on the chest of drawers, and hence the. And then on I was on the floor, and hence there was a pool of blood, which I didn't see till later.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. And did they ever catch this guy?

[Alana Stewart]

No, the police came. In fact, I called a friend of mine afterwards. He tied me up and gagged me. And I just kept praying for him not to kill me. And obviously he didn't because I'm here, thank God. And I called a friend. I got loose. I called a friend of mine and he came over. He lived in the apartment across the way. And he said, you got to come call the police. And I didn't want to. It was such an embarrassing thing, stigma to have happen to you in those days. I mean, it was just humiliating and horrible. And. And the police came, two policemen came and they said, well, did you know him? And I said, no, I. It was dark and someone had a knife in my throat. And they said, well, did you let him in? So they proceeded to try to beat me down and have me admit that I knew the person and that I had let them in when the window was clearly broken into.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Yeah, it's sad.

[Alana Stewart]

I mean, it was those days in Texas, you know, and I was. And I said, even if I knew him, what would it matter? He still raped me and left me in a pool of blood. So why would it matter if I knew him? But I didn't.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you call the police or was it your neighbor friend that called the police?

[Alana Stewart]

I think he called the police because,

[Adam Carolla]

you know, I've dealt with this before because of what I used to do with Dr. Drew. And people who are victims are victimized and they don't get the help that they should get because they're used to being victims. And basically your childhood sets you up for this and these guys get away with it. And this is very random. But oftentimes, especially in case of like, date rape and that kind of stuff, the. The perpetrator is actually attracted to the victim, knowing that the victim will act like a victim.

[Alana Stewart]

As a victim?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, as a victim, like your mom, your grand. Your childhood, your circumstances create a perfect victim. One who won't even call the police after this brutal attack.

[Alana Stewart]

But it wasn't. It was because I was embarrassed and humiliated.

[Adam Carolla]

But that's part of the victim. But that's part of that. If you came from a different circumstance, you would have been outraged, demanded justice, and so on and so forth. Meaning your self esteem was so eroded by your childhood and by coming from where you come from. Do you know what I mean? Like, I believe if you came from a healthy, intact family, you would have had a different head on this.

[Alana Stewart]

Well, you might be right. But the only saving grace for me just. Just to backtrack one second is that my grandmother was a real religious, strict, God fearing, no nonsense, Southern Woman, Texas woman, who slept with a.38 next to her bed. And she wasn't afraid of anything. So I got some of that from her. I got this sort of don't fuck with me attitude, which I took with me to New York. But that was such a shock thing to be knocked out. I mean, you never expect this to happen to you as a woman, and you're just in shock.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, and there was no counseling or anything for it.

[Alana Stewart]

Well, you know what? I didn't. A lot of women, I guess, are raped and they go through this devastating period afterwards, and it just screws up their whole lives. And I have to say, maybe it was just my way of stuffing everything down and ignoring it and moving on, but I was so grateful to be alive that I didn't dwell on what had happened. I kind of shoved it down inside me. But I never told anyone. I never told either of my husbands. I never told anyone. I never talked about it until years and years later in therapy.

[Adam Carolla]

And you were married. So you go to New York and you're married to George Hamilton first and then Rod Stewart. Yes, I got the order right.

[Alana Stewart]

I went to New York first and became a model.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure. That's how you meet Rod Stewart and George Hamilton. Were you around when Rod Stewart wrote the song Passion? And could you have stabbed him when he was sitting at the piano and put us all out of our misery for that horrible abortion of a song?

[Alana Stewart]

Well, I think. I think if that's the album, there was another song on there that I hated worse. It was called Torah. Tora Torah. Out with the Boys.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really? Well, at least that one didn't make the air. So we have to be punished by it, but we'll see if we can find. So I've met your husband a few times.

[Alana Stewart]

Which one?

[Adam Carolla]

Actually, probably both of them. Yeah, I was talking about Rod Stewart. Very charismatic, outgoing guy. Probably not going to be satisfied with just one woman, especially when your life is on the road. And I'm assuming there was some of that that went on. Extramarital affairs, that kind of stuff.

[Alana Stewart]

Yeah, that's. That's what broke our marriage up eventually. But in the beginning, it was kind of the fairytale thing. I was still, you know, down deep, a little girl from Texas. And it was all kind of this rock and roll lifestyle, was kind of all heady. Certainly.

[Adam Carolla]

Is there. Is there a vulgar story? I don't mean vulgar nasty, but I just mean like me and Rod and Elton John did co off an endangered species, you know, like a bald eagle.

[Alana Stewart]

A Dead body or something? No, but Elton was a very good friend of ours. Interesting that you just threw him in there. I don't know if you knew that or not.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm intuitive.

[Alana Stewart]

But I will tell you that we did go on a plane. And I didn't write about it in the book because I had to cut so much stuff out. And we did go on a plane. And we were in first classes when they had the upstairs.

[Adam Carolla]

The pub upstairs of the 747.

[Alana Stewart]

And sitting across from us was Robert Mitchum. And Rod and I had just started. We'd been dating for a while, and Rod's assistant had smuggled in in his fountain pen a whole bunch of cocaine in case Rod wanted any. Right, right. I don't know if I should be telling the story. I'm getting in trouble with somebody podcast.

[Adam Carolla]

Nobody listens.

[Alana Stewart]

Okay.

[David Damashek]

Good unpopular one at that.

[Alana Stewart]

So anyway, they. Robert and Rod, introduced themselves to each other and they became instant buddies and started drinking. We went upstairs to the bar and they were drinking. And then before the. Within an hour or two, actually, the lines of cocaine came out on the bar and they were. And boy, Robert Mitchum was ho. His reputation was. Right. He was a hellraiser. His wife was downstairs asleep. Dorothy.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Alana Stewart]

And I was upstairs with them. And so they proceeded to do a few hundred lines of cocaine and drink. And then by the time that Robert Mitchum could hardly get back to his seat by the time the plane landed, and I think he passed out about that time.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's juxtapose that first class experience versus mine in 2012, sitting next to a heavyset lesbian with a service dog on her lap and me going, could I get a Bloody Mary, sir? When we get to altitude. Sir, are those head. We're need you to shut off your portable electronic devices. You guys smoking, doing the booger sugar, taking the shots of brandy up in the pub, Someone playing like a miniature a baby grand piano.

[David Damashek]

You couldn't even get a fountain pen on a plane these days.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[David Damashek]

You know, with drugs.

[Adam Carolla]

I got a fat chick with a dog on her lap and I have my fucking backpack at my feet. Sir, that's gonna need to go in the. The overhead. Really? Because there's some of the medium sized dog on their lap over there. Sir, we're gonna need the backpack to go under the seat in front of you. Like, what's gonna pose more of a traffic jam? This is literally. Take a look, Alana, take a look. That's the woman who was next to me in first class. See any coke going around? I took it.

[Alana Stewart]

He's getting ready to attack you.

[Adam Carolla]

Who fought with. He scrapped with another service dog that was going to coach. There was a little. Little 1%, 99% little throwdown that took place.

[Alana Stewart]

Any nutcase can. Can get a dog and get. Say they're a service dog.

[Dana Workman]

Anybody.

[Alana Stewart]

I have a friend that says her dog is a service dog.

[Brian Bishop]

I was saying the exact same thing. It's shockingly easy.

[Alana Stewart]

Somebody tweeted that you're. You're. You have anxiety and you need this.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what she had. She asked if she was asleep.

[Brian Bishop]

It would probably be harder to get a medical marijuana license.

[Adam Carolla]

So again, that's saying something you're doing co with Robert Mitchell.

[Alana Stewart]

They were doing it. I wasn't doing much. I was a lightweight.

[Adam Carolla]

We get it. You did a freeze or two. Not that I even know the terminology. I wish you weren't a liar. Kids on the street.

[Alana Stewart]

You mean on my gums?

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. What do I know? I just wish you were. Point is, you're up there sucking up that Bolivian shale, doing the shots of Crown Royal. Someone's playing the baby grand over there. You're having the time of your life in the pub.

[David Damashek]

Baby grand.

[Adam Carolla]

And I'm fucking standing up. Sir, we have to get you back in your seat. Sir. Get that. Sir, that over. By the way, I go to put my shit in the overhead compartment above my first class seat. It's filled with other people's shit. Sir. Push yours to the back of the plane. Or you could. You could get a gate check with that. Oh, up in the pub. I swear to God. I was just flying the other week and I looked at the 747 and I saw that blister on top, that bubble on top. And we were just going. That used to be the pub.

[David Damashek]

Wait, this was a standard thing on just regular, commercial, first class 747s.

[Adam Carolla]

747s had a spiral staircase.

[Brian Bishop]

Baby grand piano.

[Adam Carolla]

You gotta watch Airport.

[Alana Stewart]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. Billy Joel over there taking tips. The brandy snifter. Awesome. Staying around having drinks?

[David Damashek]

No, I did.

[Adam Carolla]

I. Wow. By the way, did any of those 747s burst into flames? Did anyone get beat up on coke and go grab for the yolk and steer us into the Pacific Ocean? No, just rich people doing coke. They're not flying the plane. And by the way, once they land in New York, it's not like you're driving a big rig. You get in the fucking back of a town car and you go to Your hotel. You do more coke? Who cares? Give us one. One more good Coke story.

[Alana Stewart]

Oh, my goodness. Well, you know what? I was never a big.

[Adam Carolla]

There's the pub, by the way. There's a picture of the pub.

[David Damashek]

That's a fetal grand, not a baby grand.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, whatever. They got a guy just playing the ham and organ there. You have a chick in a nice outfit who knows her place handing out the drinks.

[Alana Stewart]

They were kind of hot in those days, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they were.

[Alana Stewart]

I was a student.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Alana Stewart]

I forgot to tell you.

[David Damashek]

You were?

[Alana Stewart]

Yeah. Before I went to New York to become a model. After I graduated, I went to. To work as an airline stewardess for Trans Texas Airlines for about six months.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Alana Stewart]

But I'd never been on a plane, and I was terrified of flying. It's just I had to get some way to start my path out of Texas.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure. How'd that work? Did you. Did you work for a while?

[Alana Stewart]

Yeah, I worked for about six months. We wore cowboy hats and little short outfits with cowboy hats and little string

[Adam Carolla]

top, like high white boots.

[David Damashek]

Yeah.

[Alana Stewart]

And I was a horrible stewardess because I'd never flown. I was terrified of flying. The passengers used to have to reassure me. No, I'm serious.

[Adam Carolla]

There's a gremlin on the wing. What's that noise?

[David Damashek]

But you would have gotten him a drink in first class. Would you not have?

[Frank Stallone]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

She's dressed like a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader.

[Adam Carolla]

We had no first class. Oh, no. No pub.

[Alana Stewart]

And we had no drinks. We had Coke, Coke and 7up. And they had Coke.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, they had Coke. So coffee, tea or me traveled the world with Rod, huh?

[Alana Stewart]

Yeah, we. We did. We traveled a lot because he was

[Adam Carolla]

always touring, and that must have been an exciting time. Now, what years were you married to Rod Stewart?

[Alana Stewart]

We met in. We married in 79. And a year after we met and we. We split up In, I guess, 80. Close to 85. But then we didn't actually divorce for about seven or eight more years.

[Adam Carolla]

79. Pre AIDS, Mid Coke. Greatest time in American history. Pre AIDS, Mid Coke. We got a picture of Rod over there with Ace. With Larry Miller.

[Alana Stewart]

Embarrassing.

[David Damashek]

Yeah.

[Alana Stewart]

Oh, if I had seen him looking like that, I would never have gone out with him.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, God. How did he pick you up? Where did he meet you? How did it work out? Was it one of these bullshit things where he got his, like, agent to call your agent?

[Alana Stewart]

That's so funny that you say that, because I went to a dinner. Do you remember an agent named Swifty Lazar Irving?

[Adam Carolla]

Lazar. Very well known.

[Alana Stewart]

Yeah. With very well known.

[Adam Carolla]

Party every year. Big Oscar party.

[Alana Stewart]

Well, I was at a party of his and I was with my friend Tina. Sinatra and George. George and I had split up, but we still were pals. And we'd sometimes go out together. And Rod was sitting at the table. And that's kind of the first time I really met him or said hello to him. And then he. The next day he had his gay assistant Tony Tune call me and say, you know, Rod would really like to take you out. And I said, doesn't he know how to use the phones here in America? Because, you know, generally guys call a woman and ask them out themselves. So, you know, I wasn't going to go out with some guy who's having his assistant call me up.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Alana Stewart]

So we eventually went out. Yes. It took a little.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a bullshit move that a lot of celebrity dudes do.

[Alana Stewart]

He was shy. He told me he was shy. He was afraid I'd turn him down. Shy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah. He's scared to talk to the ladies. Yeah. All right. You know what? He should have used stamps.com. should have sent you a letter.

[Brian Bishop]

Love letter.

[Adam Carolla]

A love letter, that's right.

[Alana Stewart]

Flowers. He just should have sent me some flowers with a little note.

[Adam Carolla]

You're a small company or leasing one of those postage meters. You think it's a good idea? Wrong, my friend. There's a better way. That way is called stamps.com. save up to 80% compared to those postage meters. That's right, 80%. No hidden fees, no long term contracts, no hardware to buy and install. None of that. Nope. Assistant Matt uses it and it works like a charm. The porcelain punisher, Matt Fondelier stamps.com. that's right. They got a special no risk offer. You can try it out, baby. You get the scale. Scale used to weigh other things up in the pub with. Hook it right up to the computer and you get a digital scale and 55 bucks free post only if you enter Adam. So go to stamps.com. now click on the microphone at the top of the homepage. Type in Adam. That is stamps.com, promo code. Adam. All right. So much to talk to Alana Stewart about fair Fawcett. Before we get to the news, dear friend of yours, I saw the documentary that you either fairy story or you were in. You're quite prominent in it.

[Alana Stewart]

I filmed. Filmed it and produced it.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay. Sorry. Yes. I thought you. You did? But I wasn't sure.

[Alana Stewart]

I held the camera. Little handheld camera about this big.

[Adam Carolla]

Right and the whole chronicling of her story and her cancer, well, it started

[Alana Stewart]

out to be just for her. She handed me her camera when we were in Germany the first time we got there and said, will you film this doctors meeting? Because she wanted to remember what the doctors said.

[Frank Stallone]

Oh, really?

[Alana Stewart]

Yeah. That's how it started. We just started filming everything. But it was all for her. It wasn't meant to be aired as a documentary. And then about a year down the line, when she was in a kind of remission, networks started hearing that we were doing this film and they started calling her, and she decided to turn it into a documentary because she felt at that point that she was going to make it, and this is going to be a documentary about her beating cancer by kind of going out of the box and doing alternative treatments and. And so it obviously didn't turn out that way, but that's what it was actually meant to be.

[Adam Carolla]

When did you guys meet?

[Alana Stewart]

We met when we both first came out to California. She straight from Texas, me via New York. And we were doing TV commercials, and we'd see each other on TV auditions,

[Adam Carolla]

and they're like, man, you're hot. You're hot, too. We should hang out.

[Alana Stewart]

She used to say, God, I thought you were so pretty. And I said, oh, my God, I thought you were so pretty.

[Adam Carolla]

So you get the same, we need a skinny, tall, beautiful blonde. And you guys would run in the same audition.

[Alana Stewart]

And there we were. So. But we didn't really become good friends then. We became good friends about, I don't know, maybe eight or 10 years later, just when she had started going with Ryan o' Neal and I was married to Rod.

[Adam Carolla]

How is Ryan? Did he scare you?

[Alana Stewart]

No. You know, I actually knew Ryan before I knew Farrah. And I've always had a real soft spot in my heart for Ryan, and so did Farrah, obviously. They spent many years together, and it wasn't. It was a very volatile relationship at times, but they really loved each other a lot.

[Adam Carolla]

But he seems like one of these guys who, when things are going good, they're going great, and when things are going bad, he's a fucking nightmare.

[Alana Stewart]

Look, he's moved. What can I say? He'd be the first moody. He'd be the first one to say he's moody. And he. You know, he feels bad for a lot of the things maybe that he put Farah through. He wasn't the easiest person to live with, but she had spunk. She didn't back down from a fight, so she was no victim. But you know, they loved each other. And whether it was a dance or whatever it was, is back and forth, they. Until she died, he was in her life.

[Adam Carolla]

What is something about her that we don't know? And don't tell me she had a great heart. I mean, just something about her, about Farrah. Because I feel like I grew up watching Farrah Fawcett, but I don't feel like I really know that much about her or what kind of person she was.

[Alana Stewart]

I mean, this might not be the most exciting thing, but what I think a lot of people don't know is that she was incredibly smart. She was one of the smartest ones, women I've met, and she was so sharp. And she. She went over all her own contracts. I don't care if they were 30 pages. She made all her own notes. I mean, even she ran circles around the attorneys.

[Adam Carolla]

Is that what happened with Charlie's Angels? When the first year came and went and she was the big breakout star, and I think she wanted some more out of it. Maybe they didn't want her or something like that. I can't remember what it was, but

[Alana Stewart]

I remember she wanted out of the show, as I. We weren't close friends then, so. All I know is probably as much as you do, I know that she left the show, though, and there was a lot of bad publicity and Aaron Spelling and Spelling, Goldberg suitor, and they said they would keep her from ever working.

[Adam Carolla]

It's part of her and her business acumen. I mean, it's part of her saying, I don't want to just take a paycheck and hang in this crappy show

[Alana Stewart]

and, you know, do the. Do the jiggle. Jiggle. You know, she wanted to move on and try to become a more serious actress, which she did eventually.

[Adam Carolla]

I know. Extremities.

[Alana Stewart]

Yeah. And Burning Bed.

[Adam Carolla]

And Burning Bed, yeah. Was she your favorite angel at all, talking about movies? No, I like Cheryl Ladd.

[Alana Stewart]

She went back to Nacogdoches with me once, and it was during the time she had cancer, but she was. She was feeling quite good at this time, and we went back to see her dad in Houston for his 90th birthday, and then we drove to Nacogdoches, and we loved it. I mean, we were like just two girlfriends hanging out, driving along, stopping and getting fried chicken and barbecued sandwiches and everything. And, you know, we'd stop in these little places or when we got to Nacogdoches, and these young college girls working in them would say they'd look at her and they'd walk around and they'd say, you look so familiar.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Alana Stewart]

And they said, you look like. Does anybody ever tell you you look like what's her name from Charlie's Angels? Farrah Fawcett. And she'd go, yeah, yeah, sometimes. Then they'd look at her a little bit more and they go, you're not her, are you?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they'll do that to anybody. Even. Even I get that shit.

[David Damashek]

People tell you you look like Farrah Fawcett.

[Alana Stewart]

Well, only when he has the blonde wig on.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. No. And yes. But they call. They call me by her name in the show. Is it Jill Monroe? Jesus.

[Alana Stewart]

Jill Monroe.

[David Damashek]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Sad that. I know that. But I can't name any. Anybody. Anyone on Mount Rushmore, you know, old dude, old bald dude, number two.

[Brian Bishop]

Got the wig.

[Adam Carolla]

The guy with the wig. Yeah. Chop down a cherry tree.

[David Damashek]

Alana, you said that during part of the filming there was a period where she thought she was going to make it and you were there with her, you know, filming everything. Were you of the same mindset as she was or did you have like a different feeling about how things were going?

[Alana Stewart]

No, for the first long period of time, I felt very sure she was going to make it because she was so positive and she was such a fighter and she was trying these different things in Germany, which really did help her a lot. And she did much better than if she'd stayed here and had the traditional treatments, I had to say. And we never ever talked about the possibility of her dying, ever. It just was not in our mindset.

[Adam Carolla]

And she was late 50s when she died.

[Alana Stewart]

She was 62 when she died.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, 62. Damn. But, you know, a lot of living for those 62 years. I mean, I know something about her story and coming out here and just living that kind of, you know, got a lot of. A lot of serious living. And those 62 years. We should. I should tell people Rear View Mirror is the name of the book and it's Alana's rags to riches story. And you can get it on Amazon. And I think we should do a little news. Alana, hang out crack wise, give us your opinion. Sure. Unless you disagree with me. Vistaprint, vistaprint.com, baby. Business business cards. Somebody tweeted me and did some math because I'd been saying, and they have thousands of designs or you can upload your own artwork, by the way, for like your business cards. And they have online tools to make it easy to personalize your business cards. I got a deal for my listeners and I've been saying 250 premium cards for just $10. By the way, that's half off the regular price. I was saying that's like under a buck a card.

[Brian Bishop]

That's not right.

[Adam Carolla]

Well it is, I mean technically. But it turns out it's cheaper than that even, you know.

[Brian Bishop]

And then I said, then you're even more right.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean writer or writer. And then I said, well now it's probably under even, maybe 75 cents or even 50 cents a card. Somebody corrected my math. Somebody said it was like 4 cents a card.

[David Damashek]

Don't be a one upper.

[Adam Carolla]

Like I said before, they one upped me and they, they gave me it was 4 cents a card so. That doesn't sound right. By the way at 4 cents a card I just buy a pack and just throw them out the window as I drove. You know, let hobos find them, let them call me. You know what I mean?

[Brian Bishop]

That's grassroots marketing. Yeah, just throwing your business cards out

[Adam Carolla]

the window at 4 cents a pop. You can't afford not to. Alright. They also do postcards and brochures and signs and T shirts and invitations. Go to vistaprint.com but you got to give them my name.

[Frank Stallone]

Ace.

[Adam Carolla]

Ace. Type in Ace in the upper right hand Corner and get 250 premium business cards for just 10 bucks plus free shipping. Insane. All right, Lana, hang out. Crack wise. Allison Rosen. A little news baby girl. The news with Allison Rosen. She'll read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. It's Allison, Allison. And when it's time to wrap it up, she'll sign it off with Zip it cunt. It's Allison allison.

[David Damashek]

So a 21 page memorandum of understanding about how the debate or how all the debates are going to go between the Obama and Romney campaign was released in time. Mark Halperin got a hold of it.

[Adam Carolla]

Time magazine.

[David Damashek]

Yeah, and Time magazine. And so here are just some of the things that were in this gigantic writer. It's not as exciting as like maybe Katy Perry's concert writer. That would be on tmz.

[Adam Carolla]

So this is the stuff. These are the rules. These are what they need as well.

[David Damashek]

No, I wish it was is like what they need. It's more like they can't leave their pre designated spot behind the podium. TV stations are not are supposed to stay away from reaction shots. That was one of the. There's some surprising things. The things that are surprising are just how much they don't want to leave anything up to chance.

[Adam Carolla]

People on this topic but next to it, when we're talking about the sort of Van Halen. No, Brown M. And a thousand people tweeted me and told me that it was a diabolical thing that was in the middle of their very thick rider that had to do with a lot of lighting grids and smoke pods and things where people could have got crushed or killed. And that they knew if they went backstage and they saw a bunch of brown M and Ms. Mixed in that the lighting grid could fall too, because it was not properly read and not properly executed. So it was like, it was very

[David Damashek]

smart and a way to make yourself still look like a douchebag.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. That's right. According to David Lee Roth, that was the deal. So not just them pitching a fit. Go ahead.

[David Damashek]

The candidates may not ask each other direct questions during any of the four debates. The candidates shall not address each other with proposed pledges for the Oct. 16 town hall style debate. That's the one. That was tonight. That was a Tuesday. The moderator will not ask follow up questions or comment on either the questions asked by the audience or the answers of the candidates during the debate. So I had read this. So then when Candy Crowley asked a question, I thought, well, what the fuck, right? And I'm still wondering that.

[Alana Stewart]

Well, she didn't stop. She was. The whole debate. She was putting her two cents in.

[Dana Workman]

And.

[David Damashek]

Yeah, I mean, according to this agreement. So then I wondered, was this whole thing fake? But I don't think so.

[Adam Carolla]

It's. So they went rogue. It's very uncomfortable to watch when somebody does that thing where they're like. Like they're saying something about you. Like, I know for a fact that Allison Rosen shaves her own pubes and then eats them anyway. That's it. And then Candy Crowley, she's mean to swim. Candy Crowley's like, all right, we'll move on to the economy. But I need to address this. You'll have time.

[David Damashek]

I need to tell people about my pews.

[Adam Carolla]

Allison. Listen, Mrs. Rosen, we'll understand that, but

[David Damashek]

I need to tell them.

[Adam Carolla]

But we have to keep moving to the economy. We need to move the economy.

[David Damashek]

Mold a tiny man with it.

[Adam Carolla]

Where we need to move forward to the economy. And it's like there's a thousand of those moments where each guy was like, wait a minute, I didn't. And they're like, we need. We need it. We need it. And it's so uncomfortable to watch because. And then they would agree.

[David Damashek]

And then as soon as the next thing, like, okay, now talk about the Economy. Okay. But I just want to take a moment to talk about the allegations of me eating my pubes.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Police. Get that ball. Thank you. Interesting. Interesting.

[David Damashek]

Yeah. So, I don't know, it seems like they were both going against a lot of things that were agreed upon.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that's gonna happen. And then once you see. Once one guy does it, then the next guy has to do it. Otherwise, it's like steroids.

[Alana Stewart]

Well, it sort of became a little free for all out there for a minute.

[David Damashek]

Yeah, There were a lot of, like Adam was saying, awkward moments where it just seemed like two people, like, pushing their hands against each other. Like, both of them trying to get the word in and just. No, no, no, no, no.

[Alana Stewart]

I wouldn't want someone on my loop of all that I wanted to see blows because they got very close to each other at one point. Very close.

[Adam Carolla]

All I. I don't know. I had a weird thought. I was watching it. I was skipping my rope and I was watching it, and I thought, I bet Obama wants a cigarette so bad right now. Like. Like, I know he's one of these kind of chipper smokers that he's not a full timer, but he chips away. But it's that kind of thing where when him and Michelle get into a big blowout, he goes to some fucking part of the house and just lights up a butt and just blows off a little steam. Like, I'll bet you somewhere right now he's blowing a butt. Yeah, that's one of those.

[David Damashek]

And there was a moment, especially when I wish I could remember exactly what Romney said. No, Romney's like, you'll get your chance to speak. But he said it in such a condescending way. And that's. I'm not trying to make a partisan statement.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[David Damashek]

You know, they're both like that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[David Damashek]

But I just thought right then, I bet Obama's blood was boiling.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a lot of. It was good. I mean, I guess it's what we need. I don't know. You know, I don't know what it accomplishes exactly. What I take away from these things is, like, when they get. I think it was the second person where they asked the question, like, Candy Crowley was like, okay, we have to move on. We have to move on. We have to get to our second question. Our second question. And the guy knew he was asking the second question, and he, like, stood up and he started to get his question, like, out of suits. Like, dude, you don't want that thing on your fucking lap. Like, we have to Wait for you to. It's out in the car. Just give me a minute. And then he was like picking up the mic, getting his stuff, like getting himself situated. Like I would have told those people, listen, when we go to you have that shit in your hand, have the mic up and pow, hit it, man. Then there was that one woman who decided she was going to commit the whole thing to memory but forgot the last tax cut she was asking for and she had to like fish around for paperwork or something. I'd be like, to me, it's like the waiter that doesn't write anything down and fucks up every time. Like, look, everyone have a three by five card. Have your fucking message, stand in front of a mirror with a wooden spoon and say it out loud in your underpants 350 times before you have to do it here. And when I point to you, you get to that shit. I don't want to see you wrestling with your inner pocket of your, like, I don't want to undo a couple buttons of your jacket and then be reaching around for something, have that shit in your hand and be loaded.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, they are undecided voters and it is less than a month away from the election, so. So maybe it's a corollary of how

[David Damashek]

intelligent they are, but I bet each of the question askers was unable to hear everything leading up to the point where they asked their question because they were just thinking about it. And then after they asked the question, all they were thinking about was their delivery of the question.

[Alana Stewart]

Oh, you're so right. I'm sure that's. Yeah, I would do that. Who do you think won the debate?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. I didn't watch enough of it. And I was a guy who watched the first one and didn't know that. I mean, I watched half of the first one and then I came in here and I didn't know Obama shit the bed on that one. I was like, I don't know, he seemed like Obama and he seemed like. Although I think what it was is I knew Romney maybe better than other people knew Romney. I mean, I knew he wasn't in, you know, our society's just, we live in this like five minute society where it's like, ah, that fucking rich Mormon guy so out of touch, sending those jobs overseas. What the fuck does he know? We don't understand that. All these guys are very substantial, they're very educated. You may not agree with them, but don't dismiss them. You know what I'm saying? It's like we're very dismissive, like, that guy's stupid. We call everyone stupid. They're not stupid. They're not there because they're stupid. They're highly educated, they're highly effective people. And I think what happened the first time around with Romney is people actually saw him as a substantial individual versus, oh, that guy with the brill cream who thinks only hangs out with rich people. They kind of went, oh, that guy's got something for me. I'd seen specials on him in documentaries and things like that, so I was sort of aware that he was a pretty substantial guy to begin with. So it wasn't so surprising to me. This last one to me felt very like they both did what they needed to do. I think Obama had much better than he did before.

[David Damashek]

I don't know what people are saying, but I still, I still wanted more from Obama.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know what, I'm not sure what. You know, I think that Obama's hobbled a little by the fact that we're not living in a great time. And he was in charge of the last almost four years of this not great time. So it's this weird thing of your football team has gone 6 and 10 and you just keep saying, as the head coach, I will. I'm a winner. And it's like everyone just. If everyone just gets to trot out that card where they go, you haven't finished over 500 in the last four seasons. Why should we do another.

[David Damashek]

At least we still have a team. They were going to cancel it. Like, that's what he keeps. That's what the point he's trying to make.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[David Damashek]

Is that. But it was headed, you know, so.

[Adam Carolla]

But so it's always, if you're an incumbent and everything's going fantastically, then you have an inherent advantage. If you're an incumbent and your team is 500 or less, you're gonna have trouble making that argument for why you need to be the head coach for the next four years. Valid or not, you're always gonna be hobbled a little by that. All right, anyway, I'll watch the rest when I get home.

[David Damashek]

I still found the VP debate more just entertaining as just television.

[Alana Stewart]

Oh, my God. Shocking. Joe Biden's behavior was shocking, but in a fun to watch way and a fun to watch. Yeah. Like watching a train wreck. But he was just appalling.

[Adam Carolla]

I thought, isn't it weird when old guys teeth are so white now?

[Alana Stewart]

They're not real. They're not real. They're like Chiclets.

[Adam Carolla]

Giant Chiclets used to look forward to old people with horrible mouths, like from just years of coffee, soup and tea and bad feelings.

[Brian Bishop]

He's a Mormon.

[Adam Carolla]

No coffee. No, I'm talking about Biden.

[Brian Bishop]

I thought about Romney. No coffee.

[Adam Carolla]

No. Yeah.

[David Damashek]

The day the only thing you could use to improve your situation was topal.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Or baking soda or something. Yeah, it's like baking soda and white vinegar. That'll get the stogie stain out of there. But yeah, old people used to just be like cigars and black coffee and they just look like hell.

[David Damashek]

Yeah. Like the guy with gigantic eyebrows who had a talk show. What's his name? Snyder.

[Alana Stewart]

Tom Schneider with the beetle brows.

[David Damashek]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Adam Cronolla.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I was talking about, nobody knew about. It's one of these things where I did that condescending thing where I had to ask twice. But the whole Morton Downey Jr thing where he was at the airport in San Francisco and he drew the swastika on his head and everyone was like, huh? And I was like, you didn't know about that? And then they went, I did that thing that I hate that everyone else does. So I go, no, I never heard about that. You haven't heard about that, Louise? I. I was talking to Jay Moore.

[Brian Bishop]

It wasn't a swastika. It was like kike or something, was it?

[Adam Carolla]

No, it was a swastika. And he roughed himself up.

[Brian Bishop]

The only thing I'm remembering is that his tale, the giveaway was that whatever he wrote was backwards.

[Adam Carolla]

Backwards swastika.

[Brian Bishop]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, there's pictures of it.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

It was. He roughed himself up in the. In the bathroom.

[David Damashek]

There it is. But remember, there was a period where we didn't realize that he had done it to himself. Right. That's my memory of it. And that it. And that it was like, oh, my God, he really was the victim of this hate crime.

[Adam Carolla]

No, that's my point. Is me cosmically, like, being an atheist. Like, you go, all right, here's a guy who broke into the dorm rooms for nursing College and killed 7. 719 year olds. All right, here's a guy who pulled himself into a bathroom at the San Francisco airport, roughed himself up, tore his shirt, and then took a sharpie and draw a swastika on his head and then threw himself out of the bathroom screaming, help. I was attacked by white supremacists. Who would you rather sit next to on a long bus ride? I'd be like, I don't know, just toss a coin. Like in A weird. I at least have a slot in a category for this serial killer. This I don't know what to make of.

[David Damashek]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

In a weird way. Worse. In my own weird atheist, cosmic brain. A worse individual because he's educated. He knows what he's doing. He's 55. He was trying to get press.

[Alana Stewart]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, we're talking about him. He's been dead for 12 years, but we're talking about him, aren't we? It worked well. That was his whole thing. I think he wanted to get ratings for his. It was basically back in the, you know, sort of days when, you know, sensational whatever, late night whatever, and there you go. All right.

[David Damashek]

Yeah, I wouldn't. I wouldn't want to sit next to either of them because they're both crazy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. All right. Sorry.

[David Damashek]

Tina Fey and Amy. I think we were talking about Tom Snyder.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, yeah. White teeth. Yeah, yeah.

[David Damashek]

Tina Fey and Amy Poehler will be hosting the Golden Globe Awards.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's good.

[David Damashek]

That'll be January 13th.

[Adam Carolla]

They're both so good.

[Dana Workman]

Mm.

[David Damashek]

And they're friends.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And they are the real deal, man. Tina Fey came on Loveline a few years ago when I was doing it. It's just sweet as damn sugar and funny as all get out and not. I mean, as a. More as a, you know, writer, performer, creator. And Amy Poehler is just underrated in her performing. You never see her miss a beat. Like, it's a tough job to do that, you know, throw up a new sketch every week and sit there and play a new character and read a cue card and sort of hit your mark and not screw that process up. She's just fucking solid this year and everything. All the award shows, all the whatever. She never has one of those brain fart moments.

[David Damashek]

And she stars with the man behind your hat, Nick Offerman on Parks and Rec.

[Adam Carolla]

Ooh, Nick Offerman. Yeah, I love me some Nick Offerman. He's really good, too. And what people don't know about him is a very good rider. He wrote a couple of those episodes, I think, last season on Parks and Rec and a nice guy. And as a crazy cool wood shop, we went and visited, just really about three miles, two, three miles as the crow flies from here. And really does a lot of hiking, kayaks and stuff like that, I suppose.

[Brian Bishop]

The dinky knockoff ones.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you can go to. You can go to YouTube or AdamCroll.com or something like that and look at some of the really just cool high end stuff, you know? I mean, he's an artist when it comes to his woodworking. And I would explain to people all the time, I am a woodworker, but I did it for money, not for pleasure. He's in that wood shop jacking off every day. Yeah. And has a cool mustache.

[David Damashek]

He's got a special kind of glaze. Why do I do it?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, look, some people use tung oil, others use their own seed. But yeah, really cool. Really cool. Woodshop. And I was trying to explain to him that I've been wearing his Nick Offerman wood shop hat every single day since the day he gave it to me. But I didn't want to overdo it. But I didn't want him also think I just put it on to go interview him.

[David Damashek]

Why did you not want to overdo it?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, because then it seems like you're lying. Like you're going, like, I really wanted to tell him. I have worn your hat every single day since you gave it to me a year ago. Easily that.

[David Damashek]

That it's making me uncomfortable.

[Adam Carolla]

Getting creepy now.

[David Damashek]

Yeah, I could just see where he's like, I get. Okay, I get it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[David Damashek]

You don't change your hat.

[Adam Carolla]

He gave me a new one.

[David Damashek]

Oh, really?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[David Damashek]

That's nice of him.

[Adam Carolla]

I've not donned it yet.

[David Damashek]

If Megan Mulally weren't in the picture,

[Adam Carolla]

even if she is.

[David Damashek]

No, I can't do that.

[Adam Carolla]

Listen, it'd be one of those things where he'd have to just like, talk to Megan. Like, listen, we just went to the shop at midnight to turn a salad bowl. That's all. There's nothing, no reason, no reason for you to be suspicious about me and Adam. And you know he has a tough schedule. He likes to turn bowls at midnight. That's the way he does it. All right. I know. Turning a salad bowl sounds very gay, does it not?

[Brian Bishop]

That's got to maneuver some sort of move.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. No, I mean on a lathe. Sorry, where were we? Ah, Evoice. That's right. It's your toll free number. Answers and routes, your calls, your home, your office, your cell. Takes care of business, baby. Awesome. For the business person on the go, that's me. I'm throwing those business cards out the window. I'm so fast on the go.

[David Damashek]

You can't afford not to.

[Adam Carolla]

You can't afford not to have evoice voicemails transcribed into easy to read emails or text messages. Calls screened automatically. Answer the urgent one. Urgent calls now or let them go. What do I care? Let the less important ones go to voicemail service. You can count on. Not 24. 7. What have we rounded it up to?

[David Damashek]

2510.

[Adam Carolla]

2510, that's right. Live customer support. 247 or 2510. Click the [e-mail] over there. That's what you go there. I know it sounded like Carol o'. Connor. What you got there? Is your Adam Carolla there. Www.evoice.com Apple Adam. Six months free. Six months Grottos, baby. But you got to tell them you heard it from Adam. Www.com. oh, I should say.evoice sorry.

[Brian Bishop]

Take two.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll take two. Www.evoice.com Adam all right, now one more. What do we got here?

[David Damashek]

Paul Schaefer says he may leave letterman show in 2014.

[Adam Carolla]

What?

[David Damashek]

Which to me is like, that's so soon. But hey, it's still two years away.

[Adam Carolla]

Seems like only yesterday I was sitting with Paul Schaefer wearing another hat that someone gave me for free.

[David Damashek]

What hat is that? Can you tell?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, we can pull in on that. I think I wore that hat every day for a year and a half and then I got you give me a hat, I wear it. But don't give me one of those shitty cheap hats. I won't wear the shitty cheap hats.

[Alana Stewart]

Do you wash them?

[David Damashek]

Yeah, oh, nightly.

[Adam Carolla]

Just curious.

[Brian Bishop]

He wears them in the shower.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I'm wearing a boxing gym hat. Yeah, I, I got the, what I do is I do the wet towel wipe down. Usually maybe once a week I get the wet towel. I'll just wipe down the brim and wipe down, you know, freshens, freshens it up.

[Brian Bishop]

The wet towel wipe down. Sounds like a sex move too.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yep. Turning a salad bowl after that, during our refractory period, we went with the wet towel wipe down.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right.

[David Damashek]

So he's been on the show for 30 years. So, you know, maybe time to shake it up.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[David Damashek]

Now he told a Canadian. He told TV Guide Canada.

[Adam Carolla]

Uh huh. And what? Couple things. When Schaeffer says, what, 2014, you think he's saying something in code about Letterman. Do you think that means like maybe he's going, that'll be it for the show? I mean, look, obviously if Letterman goes, I don't think Schaefer's hanging around. I guess Fallon is in there. Is Fallon in there? He's underneath him. I gotta figure this one out.

[David Damashek]

No, Fallon is NBC.

[Adam Carolla]

Wrong channel.

[David Damashek]

Craig Ferguson is after Letterman.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right, right. Yeah. Jon Stewart was supposed to be the guy that came in and slid in where Craig Kilborn Was many years ago.

[David Damashek]

And then who slid in?

[Adam Carolla]

Craig Kilbourne.

[David Damashek]

Ferguson took over Kilbourne. Is that what happened?

[Adam Carolla]

Letterman made sure that Kilborn was in there, Not Jon Stewart, because Ferguson. Oh, no.

[Brian Bishop]

Kilbourne.

[Adam Carolla]

Craig Kelly.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay, sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, there's two Craigs out there. Yes.

[David Damashek]

Our own Mike lynch worked on that show, I think.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right. Do you know why Letterman made sure that Craig Kilborn was in there or Craig Ferguson? Now you've got me fucked up. Craig Kilborn was in there and not Jon Stewart?

[David Damashek]

Because he was threatened by Stewart.

[Adam Carolla]

Yep. Would you want a super funny, super good looking and super hungry 32 year old Jon Stewart on in the time slot after yours? No, no. But the super unlikable. Where is he now? Craig Kilbourne.

[David Damashek]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. These guys are businessmen.

[David Damashek]

You see, it's smart.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, it is. It's just good business.

[Brian Bishop]

This is all documented in the book the War for Late Night, which mentions you a couple times. And the whole shifting of Late Night around, whatever it was 2009 or 10 or 11 or whatever it was really good book. It is very comprehensive. Yeah. Talks a lot about Kimmel, you know, that you didn't know any of this. You're in that a little bit. And it talks a lot about Dixon, talks a lot about Stewart. Talks a lot about all those guys. I read the chant Late night shifting thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh. And that was written when it was

[Brian Bishop]

a follow up to the Late Shift, the famous book from whatever was 95 or something.

[Adam Carolla]

It's weird what you don't know about yourself when you don't care.

[Brian Bishop]

It's a good book.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

How'd someone read it to you?

[Adam Carolla]

See, the problem is nothing can get me to feel good, but everything can piss me off.

[Dana Workman]

Off.

[Adam Carolla]

So why read something about yourself? You know what I mean?

[David Damashek]

What's the last thing that made you feel good?

[Adam Carolla]

I enjoy cars, enjoy my kids. And I enjoy tactile things like building and wrenching and mechanical things and physical things, you know, But I don't. I don't enjoy reading about me or that kind of stuff.

[David Damashek]

So what happened with Natalia pissing everywhere earlier? This is what we need to get to.

[Adam Carolla]

I took her and my dog for a walk. Sonny didn't want to go. My son, I have twins and that's a waste of my time. It was funny because my nanny, Olga was trying to compliment Sonny on his. On his reads. He gave three that's a waste of my time reads. And he gave three different reads. Like she said that, you know, Kids got it. And Natalia was having none of it because she likes the spotlight. And she's pumped up because I'm in Wreck It, Ralph, and I'll give you me in a nutshell. My wife said, what part do you play? And I went, I don't know. Donut. I don't know. I think I'm Donut. I don't know. I wouldn't watch it. I don't care. I mean, it's not humility. It's just. I literally try to stay away from stuff, books and anything. Because just gonna read something that's gonna be wrong.

[Brian Bishop]

Stuff, books and anything.

[Adam Carolla]

Stuff. Anything with me in it. It's all gonna be wrong. It's never gonna work. I like stuff, you know, cars and turning bowls with Nick Offerman, stuff like that. But I. I've been fucking burned by this. My daughter's sick. She announces when we get to the top of the hill. We're hiking up the hill. She's got to take a whiz. And I tell her, look, you're six. Go take a whiz. Go behind that tree over there and whiz away. No, no, no, you gotta. You gotta help me. You gotta help me with the whiz. Now, when I was. When she was real young, I'd, like, try to hold her. And I don't know, directionally, I'm way off.

[David Damashek]

It's a surprise for us as well. You never really know.

[Adam Carolla]

So I did the move. We got up on like a cement riser, like a curb. She got her shorts around her ankles. She put her feet on the curb, and I held her arms and I hung her out over the curb. Like, I was like, I'm gonna get your ass and hang. And she immediately.

[Brian Bishop]

Drivers.

[Adam Carolla]

She immediately just filled her shorts with urine. Like, it shot all into her urine, just a blast. Like someone took seltzer water and just blew it into her shorts. Made like a little trough, you know, a little bucket just shot right into it. I thought it would shoot down. It shoots. Shot straight across and just filled her. And then later on, she was like, I want to get on your shoulders. Like, I don't think so, pee pee pants. I value the back of my neck, you understand? I don't need to be.

[David Damashek]

First the shame of peeing in her shorts. And then you wouldn't even hold her.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll be attacked by, like a coyote. Like male coyotes or something on the way home.

[Brian Bishop]

Pheromones going crazy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I don't need that confusing the shit out of my dog. The attracted to the back of your neck. What's going on? One in Rome. Yeah. So we just chuck rocks off the hill and she made a nice wee wee in her pants.

[Alana Stewart]

Well, did you take her straight home to change her pants, I hope?

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Alana Stewart]

Oh, well, you just let her stay in the wet pants.

[Brian Bishop]

There was a Pinkberry on the way.

[Adam Carolla]

I have a thing. Well, first off, it's her whiz, you know, it's not like some bum peed in her pants. Yeah, yeah, it's her pee number one. Number two, you know, how do you learn? Number three, I have a thing. And it's weird, but there's a long hill.

[Alana Stewart]

Scared to hear this.

[Adam Carolla]

Goes down a hill and there's like a sheet metal, like a refrigerator door that's down the hill, like rusted out. And we chuck rocks at it. She can't get near it because it's like, you know, 50 yards down the hill. But I can get to it with a rock. But we ain't leaving until I hit it. And I don't care if it gets dark. I gotta hear that rock hit that sheet metal or we ain't going anywhere. And that's it. We just sit on that hill and I just keep throwing that rock until. Until we leave. And if we. We will not leave until I hit it.

[Alana Stewart]

And her wet underpants.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't throw her underpants. Oh, no.

[Frank Stallone]

Yes.

[Alana Stewart]

She had to sit there while you tried to hit the thing.

[Adam Carolla]

No, she was out collecting rocks and chucking stuff. She bounced back pretty quickly. She was pretty good about that.

[Alana Stewart]

She probably dried out sooner or later.

[Adam Carolla]

You chuck enough rocks up on a hill in this temperature, panic die quick.

[David Damashek]

Yeah. In this weather.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's. This is.

[David Damashek]

It's probably refreshing.

[Adam Carolla]

This is shorts pissing weather, as my grandpa used to say. As Nana and grandpa used to say. You know what I mean? That's where we're at.

[David Damashek]

That's the thing, is that best laid plans, you still may end up pissing all over your shorts. It's just a lady's curse.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't.

[Alana Stewart]

I'm so with you.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. I thought the stuff went at least somewhere. Tore down. Even if gravity just took its toll and it just shot straight out.

[David Damashek]

Yeah.

[Alana Stewart]

You just never know.

[David Damashek]

I know. It's like sort of like. Like letting a balloon go. You know, when it farts around, you can't predict which direction you know where

[Adam Carolla]

the wind's gonna take you.

[Alana Stewart]

Or like when you have to go to the bathroom in an airplane, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Beaked out of Your brain on cuddly Bob Mitchum's kicking in the door. Come on, sweetie, you're not uptight, are ya? Rod said it'd be cool. You wanna join? Well, we don't have to get. We can get in a. What's a half a mile hand job. We don't have to go the full mile. Oh yeah, guys playing the baby grand. Alright, bring it home, baby girl.

[David Damashek]

That's the news. I'm Alison Rosen. Zip it you guys. Okay, but I just want to take a moment to talk about the allegations of me eating my puke.

[Adam Carolla]

That was the news with Allison Rosen. Well, Damoshek was supposed to come out today and when he did, I was going to tell you about the Corolla sports app where you can download Corolla sports in your mobile app and make your picks baby available for the iPhone and the Android. And the top 12 winners this week are going to get 40 bucks worth of Amazon gift certificate. That's right, get a gift card from Amazon top 12. So get out there, make your picks and you can find out who won last week by going to my Facebook page. Grand prize by the way. Trip for two to Vegas to watch super bowl on the weekend and hotel and air included. So let's check that out, baby. Corolla Sports, where were you?

[Brian Bishop]

What Brian, what's your lock of the week? Oh, I got to know so I can go to way. Oh, I mean America wants to know.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's see, I got to make my pick still who the Pats playing because I feel like the Pats are going to Jets. I think Pats are going to bounce back. They took a, they took a shitty loss. They took a really shitty unpacks like loss. And if you notice when good teams with teams with a good quarterback, good coach and good character, good organization, when they take a shitty loss they usually come back and just open a can of whoop ass on the next team they play.

[Brian Bishop]

I feel the same way with the 49ers this week playing the same team ironically, the Seattle Seahawks.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh right. Another good Whenever a good team takes a shitty loss and that was almost an embarrassing loss. That was a spanking. Yes. That was a wood bowl turning. That was a prison bowl turning.

[Brian Bishop]

A wet wipe down.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. It took a prison bowl turning. All right, Alana Stewart. Rear view mirror is where you go. You get that book baby. Her website Alana stewart.com youm can tweet her Lanak Stewart. Thanks sweet pea. That was fun.

[Alana Stewart]

Thank you. I enjoyed it. It was fun.

[Adam Carolla]

I Love your candor. Come in and tell us more coke fueled stories.

[Alana Stewart]

Anytime.

[Adam Carolla]

Irvine Improv Tonight. Come on out and see us. Cobbs Comedy Club coming up. San Francisco. Four shows November 17th through the 18th. So if you're in San Francisco, you want to see how. And again, I don't say how the sausage is made, but how the fudge is packed.

[Brian Bishop]

It's the right city too.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a good point. I'm also going to be in the Warner Theater in D.C. and Town Town Hall. Beautiful Town Hall, New York City. Saturday, November 10th. Still tickets available for that. So until next time.

[Frank Stallone]

Oh.

[Adam Carolla]

Redondo Beach Performing Arts center with Dennis prager. Next Saturday, October 27th. So check that out. Until next that will sell out. So please get those tickets. Until next time. Zano Crolla for Lana Stewart, Allison Rosen and Bo Brian Saiyan. Mahalo. Well, nobody wants to have sex with that four year old. She's knocking.

[David Damashek]

Neat.

[Bald Bryan]

All right.

[Allison Rosen]

This adam co show 935 from 2012 that does it for days.

[Adam Carolla]

Coral Classics.

[Allison Rosen]

Make sure to tune tomorrow for an all new installment.

[Adam Carolla]

Until then, hope and get it on.

[Alana Stewart]

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[Adam Carolla]

I swear if I'm lying I'm dying.

[Alana Stewart]

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Alana Stewart]

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[Adam Carolla]

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[David Damashek]

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[Alana Stewart]

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Alana Stewart]

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