Alex Arato + Troy Duffy (Carolla Classics)

Summary

Podcast Summary: Adam Carolla Show – Alex Arato + Troy Duffy (Carolla Classics)

Date: February 14, 2026
Host: Adam Carolla (plus rotating co-hosts and guests)
Featured Episodes:

• Adam Carolla Show #1882: Alex Serrato
• Adam Carolla Show #702: Troy Duffy
• Adam Carolla Show #402: Hanson
• Adam Carolla Show #1476: David Wild

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Main Theme & Purpose

This “Carolla Classics” episode is a curated journey through several classic moments from Adam Carolla’s 16-year podcasting history, spotlighting best-of conversations with friends, musicians, and other luminaries. The core focus is Adam’s irreverent, honest storytelling and the dynamic chemistry with guests, balancing childhood tales, music nostalgia, comedic takes on pop culture, and sharp rants about modern life.

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1. Adam Carolla & Alex Serrato: “Ray Peeing in the VW Rabbit and the Value of Tough Love”

[01:11–29:42]

Overview:
Adam’s old friend, attorney Alex Serrato, joins to confirm (and elaborate on) wild stories involving their mutual friend Ray, reminiscing about growing up, formative moments, and the brutal honesty that shaped Adam’s life.

Key Discussion Points

• Legendary “Ray Stories”

  • The VW Rabbit Incident: Alex retells the infamous story of Ray—after being bought lunch by Alex—peeing on him in his own car, leading to confusion, outrage, and Ray’s baffling lack of shame.
    • “It was obvious that the car had sprung some sort of leak from the roof. And I realized that Ray... decided it would be a perfectly appropriate thing to do to pee on somebody. And that somebody was me.” —Alex [03:50]
    • Adam puts this in the top tier of “distracted driving” dangers.
      • “Being urinated on by a 230-pound man, I would say is a form of distraction.” —Adam [04:16]

• Reflections on Friendship Dynamics

  • Alex, the “successful one,” often paid for others’ lunches; Ray perpetually mooched, to comic effect.
  • The group’s dynamic is highlighted by a mix of affection, rivalry, and outlandish acts.

• Tough Love and Effort

  • Adam reveals to Alex (for the first time) a pivotal “tough love” conversation from their youth: after Adam dropped out of college and was struggling, Alex and a mutual friend confronted him about lacking a plan and motivated him—if painfully so—to push harder.
    • “My friends think I’m a loser, and I wasn’t... I was the captain of the football team and the class clown, and now I’m the guy scrounging around picking up garbage on a construction site.” —Adam [16:46]
    • “We gotta start trying harder. You gonna be a loser?” —Alex (as quoted by Adam) [16:46]
  • Both reflect on how there was no expectation that Adam would become a comedian—no friends encouraged it, and Adam stresses that “funniness” didn’t translate into support or a clear career path.
    • “Nobody thought we were watching comedy gold... We thought you were funny, but...” —Alex [21:49]
    • “There wasn’t any discussion about, you gotta get into comedy.” —Adam [21:49]

• Childhood Settings & Parental Roles

  • Vivid memories of Alex’s house, the prized chocolate chip Danish, and the elaborate rituals to avoid parental supervision.
    • “As soon as we found out, I was like, oh my God, it’s got Danish and it’s got chocolate chips in them. We’re going over to Alex’s house.” —Adam [10:04]
  • Adam’s childhood home compared as less inviting—no snacks, and a clear, unromantic message to avoid lingering.

• Further Ray Antics and Parental Roasting

  • Stories highlight Ray's mother humorously telling him, “I squeezed you out of a bar rag,” and how Ray’s expert mooching would meet with withering but hilarious rants from Adam.
    • “Ray, seriously, if I had a warehouse full of cheese...I would hire one security guard and give him one photo—and it would be you. And I would tell him, this guy gets no cheese.” —Adam [27:11]

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2. Troy Duffy Segment: “Soap, Skincare, and the LA Auto Show”

[36:48–85:39]

Overview:
The Duffy episode opens with a deeply Carolla-esque rant on American hygiene rituals, followed by an extended celebration of auto industry innovation as a metaphor for healthy competition.

Key Discussion Points

• Soap Skepticism and Over-Cleanliness

  • Adam denounces American obsession with soap, insisting we’re “wired” for less cleanliness and that skin product industries thrive on unnecessary fearmongering.
    • “I don't wash my face. I rinse myself off. I don't have a ritual...We do it because we’re scared. We do it because we’re out of problems. We do it because we’re vain.” —Adam [39:08]

• Car Culture:

  • The LA Auto Show is held up as a microcosm for healthy, productive competition, with car companies driving each other to greatness.
    • “It's a microcosm of this planet and what we can do when we don’t have a bunch of dickheads fucking it up for us.” —Adam [43:51]
    • “Everyone’s making good cars now...Information, word of mouth, Consumer Reports. This is the society I want to live in.” —Adam [48:30]

• Pop Culture and News:

  • The segment closes with a comedic musical jingle for the news, leading into real headlines—from the Penn State Sandusky scandal to celebrity Twitter follower numbers—handled in Adam’s satirical style.

Notable Quotes

• “I can rinse it out at the end of the night and put it back on the thing...I don’t need soap involved.” —Adam [37:54]
• “I never do anything. I pee in a f***ing sink. I drink out of the sink. I drink out of the hose. I drink out of my hands. I'll pee my hands, drink out of that.” —Adam [41:41]

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3. Hanson Interview & Performance: “From ‘MMMBop’ to Indie Survival”

[85:56–138:38]

Overview:
Highlighting one of Adam’s favorite interviews, Hanson join the show to discuss early superstardom, musical roots, family, and life after the 90s teen idol spotlight. The trio also performs live, showcasing their enduring musicality.

Key Discussion Points

• Breakout Fame and Artistic Roots

  • The brothers reflect on “MMMBop” hitting #1 in 27 countries, their love of classic pop, and early influences—from the Archies’ “Sugar, Sugar” to rock classics.
  • “We grew up listening to classic pop music and soul music and rock and roll...Does this live up at some level to the kind of stuff [we loved]?” —Taylor Hanson [87:03]
  • Stories of early musical encouragement, community performances, and parental influence (a CPA dad with a secret love for ballet; a mom with a music degree).

• Navigating the Industry: Independence & Resilience

  • After initial record label chaos, Hanson details launching their own label and the value of creative control.
  • “We’ve spent the last 10 years really doing what we feel any band should do—make records you're super proud of and also really own everything.” —Taylor Hanson [89:19]

• Aging, Family, and Handling Fame

  • Comic riffing on the awkwardness of growing up in the spotlight, being “too good-looking,” and the pitfalls of child stardom.
  • “You guys started out, of course, adorable, but you've all grown into really good-looking men.” —Adam [104:05]

• Music Industry Change

  • Comparing their path to the Jonas Brothers, discussing American Idol auditions, and the realities of modern pop.

• Live Performance Highlight

  • Hanson perform “Thinking ‘Bout Somethin’” [108:25]
  • “You guys, man, that sounded great. Great harmonies, by the way.” —Adam [112:17]

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4. News, Pop Culture Riffs & Societal Critique

Various Segments (esp. [50:34–85:39], [142:30–173:13])

Overview:
Throughout the show, news updates and topical rants serve as a vehicle for Adam’s opinions—mocking generational entitlement, skewering celebrity culture, or reflecting on issues as diverse as circumcision statistics and the Sony hacking scandal.

Key Discussion Points

• Generational Entitlement & Participation Trophies

  • Adam blames “participation trophy culture” for self-entitled modern “ass douches.”
    • “We are dealing with the first wave of [participation trophy] fucking assholes...Because this has been going on for about 25 years and we're just getting maybe 20 years, and those kids were 8 or 9 years old.” —Adam [77:55]

• Celebrity/Pop Culture Satire

  • Trending news (Penn State, Occupy Wall Street) recounted with sarcasm, plus a running gag on Twitter follower counts (Wil Wheaton, Alec Baldwin).

• Movie Review & Stoner Film Economics

  • David Wild reviews “The Interview,” launching a discussion about the economics of “pot movies.”
    • “Seth Rogen's a genius because he decided, let's put as much pot as we can possibly put into every single movie...Every stoner goes out and sees it.” —Adam [160:31]

• Buffer News Story Concept

  • Adam’s innovative idea: news stories need emotional “buffer segments” between tragedy and fluff.
    • “There needs to be buffer news stories...I need something where I go, ‘hmm.’” —Adam [146:36]

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5. Notable Quotes & Comic Moments

• Ray’s Victim Mentality:
  • “Only Ray can turn being the perpetrator into immediately becoming the victim.” —Alex [04:43]
• On Early Career Pressures:
  • “It was a little more of a focus on loserdom than it was squandered God-given talent.” —Adam [17:47]
• Soap and Face Washing:
  • “I've never used soap. I've never used moisturizer. I've never used any cleanser. I've never used any. Anything.” —Adam [39:08]
• Practical Parenting:
  • “You don't need to educate a kid; you need to not turn him into a victim.” —Adam [59:43]
• Music as a Microcosm:
  • "If everyone agreed not to wear makeup, we'd all be fine. But if someone is wearing makeup and you're not...you look like a homeless person." —Adam [174:37]

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6. Timestamps for Key Segments

• Ray Story & Life Lessons [01:11–29:42]
• Soap/Skincare Rant & Auto Show [36:48–50:27, continues later]
• Penn State News/Envy Rant [50:34–85:39]
• Hanson Interview & Performance [85:56–138:38]
• Movie/Comedy/Pop Culture Reviews [142:30–173:13]
• Buffer News Story/Makeup in TV [145:45, 174:37]
• Closing and Stitcher Content [138:38, 142:17, 173:13]

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Overall Tone

The episode showcases Adam Carolla’s signature blend: freewheeling humor, raw storytelling, self-doubt, nostalgic jocularity, and social critique. The tone is candid, sometimes edgy, always personal—a “group of old friends busting each other’s balls” ambience, mixed with reflective moments about regret, ambition, and what shapes a life.

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Summary in a Sentence:
A rollicking trip through Carolla’s most memorable stories and signature rants, featuring old friends, music icons, and lessons in growing up, staying real, and never letting anyone else plan your next step for you.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

Why have we asked our contractor we found on Angie.com to be our kid's legal guardian? Because he took such good care when redoing our basement that we knew we could trust him to care for our kids. We only met a month ago, Angie, the one you trust to find the ones you trust. Find pros for all your home [e-mail].

[Podcast Narrator]

Welcome to Corel Classics. I'm your host, super superfan Giovanni. This is the podcast we play with best moments, highlights and fans select the clips from all 16 years of the Adam Carolla show. We have a companion podcast titled Cruel Classics, which you can find exclusively through podcast one. Sign up and get access to the ad free archives. You can also get access to the ad free archives of the Adam Carolla show, The Adam and Dr. Drew show, as well as exclusive access to the brand new podcast Beat it out through Adam Corolla's substack adamcorla.substack.com Check it out and sign up. And if you'd like to request a clip, please email us [e-mail] all right, let's get to the clips coming up. First we have Adam Curlis Show 1882, featuring Adam's longtime buddy, Alex Serrato, Gina Grad, and Brian Bishop from 2016.

[Adam Carolla]

Special guest today, my buddy Alex. He's here to tell a story or two. I'll get into that in a second. First, good day, Gina Graff.

[Allison Rosen]

Good day to you.

[Adam Carolla]

Handball. Brian. This is really fun. Oh, that's right, Right. All right, so my buddy Alex in from out of town. Now, remember, I talk about I have a successful friend, and I say he's an attorney. He's the smart one. And then there's all my other friends, there's everybody else. This is the successful friend. Oh, wow. And so successful, he's able to travel. Okay, and when you speak your of.

[Brian Bishop]

The Hebrew Heights friends who went to Stanford in Cal, is he one of them?

[Adam Carolla]

He's one of the Hebrew Heights friends who went to Stanford. In Cal. Just Cal. Just Cal. But he was. And it struck me as he was leaving, he was in town for a couple of days. I said, pop over and say hi. And we walked around a little bit. And then he was leaving. And I thought, now wait a minute, I've told a lot of stories about Ray where Alex was actually present. And I said, most of these stories sound like some sort of yarns that have been passed on from village elder to. And they keep getting inflated as they go along. Right.

[Alex Serrato]

If only that were true.

[Adam Carolla]

There was one in particular where I explained that Alex, who would always buy Ray a hamburger, but it wasn't just a hamburger. It was a double king cheese, a fat burger. And then he would.

[David Wild]

Fair is fair.

[Adam Carolla]

He would add on fries and a shake and stuff. But we were driving home and Alex experienced something from Ray, who was in the front seat because he rode permanent shotgun.

[Brian Bishop]

Experience something.

[Adam Carolla]

But I just want to make sure, not only if you guys know, I'm not using any hyperbole when I tell you these stories about Ray, but also that I just want to check my own memory of it. So. And it's very vivid for me. But, Alex, you tell me.

[Alex Serrato]

We were driving back to school from lunch, as Adam said, I was buying for Ray for the thousandth time. And as usual, Ray was on the one hand, very appreciative, but also very demanding. Sure, a hamburger would be great, but you got a double king cheese, so how come I don't get a double king cheese? And explaining to Ray that I was the one buying sort of made a difference there. Didn't really. It just didn't resonate.

[Adam Carolla]

So we're in the young Bernie Sanders.

[Alex Serrato]

And we're driving back in my car, which it normally would not be noteworthy, but it is a hard top. And all of a sudden I feel.

[Adam Carolla]

As if VW Rabbit four door silver.

[Alex Serrato]

As I recall, with a red interior which was about to be fouled. And all of a sudden it was obvious that the car had sprung some sort of leak from the roof. And I realized that Ray, who is sitting in the passenger seat, has, as usual, decided it would be a perfectly appropriate thing to do to pee on somebody. And that somebody was me. And now you see a lot of.

[Adam Carolla]

PSAs about distracted driving, you know what I mean? Texting, music too loud. Yeah. Doing one's makeup and other things that we've all been guilty of. But the diesel billboard, it can wait. Yeah. Being urinated on by 230 pound man, I would say is a form of distraction. It's right up there. It's right up there.

[Alex Serrato]

But it's not normally one people would think to warn you about because it's sort of in the come on, let's get serious, that would never happen category.

[Adam Carolla]

Especially if you bought him lunch.

[Alex Serrato]

Yes. And it was happening. And then in a way that only Ray can turn being the perpetrator into immediately becoming the victim. When I completely lost it and pulled the car over and said, get out. Ray, looking as if I had somehow had an aneurysm, says what?

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I love. It always reminded me of in Slap Shot when the Hanson brothers had the guys on the ground and they're punching the guy in the face like you out, like for what?

[Alex Serrato]

That's exactly what it's.

[Adam Carolla]

That was on Tuhunga, as I recall. We're heading toward Moorpark.

[Alex Serrato]

Yes. And heading towards where Henry's tacos used to be. And Ray just can't understand my rage at all. And I can't understand his complete blissful, what?

[Adam Carolla]

Self unawareness.

[Alex Serrato]

And the hard part then is convincing because it is a case of convincing the 230 pound man child that he really needs to listen to the 150ish pound Jewish boy who is saying, you need to get out of my car right now.

[Adam Carolla]

I remember Ray was indignant just.

[Alex Serrato]

And again, it's disbelieving.

[Adam Carolla]

He was confused as well, which I like about Ray.

[Alex Serrato]

We would have been able to communicate better if he had never spoken English because the more I point, it was like that RCA dog thing, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Where his head is tilting. What?

[Alex Serrato]

And finally I think he just thought he needed to get out of the car because I had gone insane. But still to this day, I guarantee you if you hooked him up to a lie detector, he would A, confirm the story is true and B, the needle wouldn't budge at all if you said so did you do anything wrong? And he would say no. And that's. That's Ray.

[Adam Carolla]

He pulled over. Ray was like, Ray's apartment at that time was probably about a mile from where we were because you know, he wouldn't have dropped him off in Nevada.

[Brian Bishop]

No, that's.

[Adam Carolla]

But he dropped them off about a mile from his mom's apartment and just said, you're walking. And Ray was like, what? What for? And he was urinating. I mean, there's still this urine dripping off the headliner.

[Alex Serrato]

Yeah, I'm still wet.

[Adam Carolla]

At this point, he's confused as to why. Now, luckily, some weeks or months later when we're in my dad's VW Rabbit and our other buddy Chris did the exact same thing to me while I was driving the Rabbit. Thankfully I had a large root beer from snacks Fifth Avenue I was able to throw in his face. Although of course he then threw his giant root beer in my face too. There needed to be retaliation.

[Brian Bishop]

Unprovoked attack.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you're just minding your own business, urinating on the person who's operating around his. And all of a sudden you get hit in the face with a soccer.

[Alex Serrato]

Chris is at least doing it to get a rise out of you and knows there's going to be reaction. Ray is acting like you've barged in on him in your car where he's going to the bathroom on you. He gives you this, well, what were you expecting? And then you have to realize you should have expected exactly what happened. I don't think Ray was too upset though, because one of the differences, of course, was I was in a rush to get back to school. Ray was in no such hurry ever in his life.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you go back to school covered in pee?

[Alex Serrato]

You know, when you put it that way, it makes me think that maybe I didn't make the best of decisions. But yes, I did.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow, good student.

[Brian Bishop]

Do you think your experiences with the Ray made you a better lawyer?

[Adam Carolla]

Understand the insane better?

[Alex Serrato]

Yeah, it made me a better parent. I don't know that it made me a better lawyer. If only because my kids, as ornery as they can sometimes be, could never get to a. You know, you just look at them, it's like, hey, nice try, Scooter.

[Allison Rosen]

But you know Ray.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, you know Ray.

[David Wild]

Or.

[Alex Serrato]

And then I'm thankful every now and then that thank God they're not Ray.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Alex Serrato]

So it works well for everybody involved, perhaps even for Ray.

[Adam Carolla]

Is there. The jury's still out. Speaking of lawyering, is there any stories Mulholland Club or any stories that I may be missing out on? Now, keep in mind, Alex was the good one. One of the good ones. So he didn't quite dirty his hands with a lot of the super ultra dirty work that was going on.

[Brian Bishop]

No, you're in, Cyril.

[Adam Carolla]

But he saw it, he got to experience it. But he was not out in some of the more nefarious stuff because he had a future.

[Alex Serrato]

I never went to the Mulholland Club with any of you idiots.

[Adam Carolla]

At least not when it was closed. Imagine, by the way, this is what goes on inside of a VW rabbit at 12:30 on a Tuesday with the sun shining and everyone's sober, right? Imagine what could go on at the Mulholland Club at 1am when everyone's drunk on a Saturday, right?

[Alex Serrato]

I was never part of any of the Ray solid waste shenanigans. But I do enjoy reading the books. And every now and then someone saying, is that true? And I have to invariably confirm that all of it is completely true. Much to my dismay, reading it again.

[Adam Carolla]

After all these years, Alex had a weird. This just jumped in my mind. But his house was laid out in such a way where two things. Well, first off, Ray and I. And Everyone else found out that he had chocolate chip Danish from Webby's, the Jewish bakery, and they were kept in supply at his house. And as soon as we found that out, I was like, oh, my God, it's got Danish and it's got chocolate chips in him. We're going over to Alex's house. And real quick, by Danish, does he mean rugelach?

[Alex Serrato]

No. Much like a ruggele on multi doses of steroids.

[Adam Carolla]

Gotcha.

[Alex Serrato]

Sorry. Like the size of your. Like a bear claw sized.

[Adam Carolla]

But it was always. We'd have to come in and go, where's mom? Where's dad? What's going on? Like, we'd always have to kind of find out who. If there's any supervision around. And I remember one time, the way this house was laid out, you'd walk through the entry doors. There's a big sort of high vaulted thing, and you'd turn to the. If you made a hard left, you'd be in the living room that no one ever goes into because you can see the tracks in the carpet. And you gotta go rake it like it's the seventh inning, like a bunker. Right. But that room, no one ever went into. But if you went down to the hall, a few feet later, made a left, you'd end up in the family room. And the family room had a TV at the end of one room. And the sofa in front of it, like, would be the normal configuration. And I walked to the back of it, and I looked around, and I let one of the loudest farts go I've ever let go in my life. I couldn't see anybody around. And then I just yelled, sort of after the fact, I went, alex, is your mom around here? And I just saw hands slowly come up from the sofa. She was laid out flat, obviously not sleeping enough where I awoke her. But just the hands slowly came up from the sofa.

[Alex Serrato]

And then she said, hi, Adam. My mother at that time was at her peak height of, I think, four'11. She's not anywhere near that tall anymore. So you wouldn't have seen her even if she was standing in front of the sofa.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And then the morbidly obese.

[Alex Serrato]

Duchess.

[Adam Carolla]

Duchess. The dog. The beagle. The beagle.

[Alex Serrato]

The ottoman.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Did you ever go to Adam's house?

[Alex Serrato]

I went to the Adam space, the carport, the Adam houses. I think I was allowed in the kitchen once, but it wasn't. It wasn't as if Adam's mother or father were forbidding us from coming in. Adam just made it pretty clear Trust me, you just don't want to go in there.

[Adam Carolla]

There is no. There is no Danish.

[Alex Serrato]

There is no Danish. No, the Danish used to be in the bread basket, you know, or like the little bread hutch and it had to keep being moved. And Ray in that sense was like a German shepher he was going to find was a German shepherd in a Jewish house and he was on the hunt. And that was part of the genesis later for dtr.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, don't tell Ray from when he was born. Yeah. And also Inglourious Basterds with Christoph Waltz where he'd come in and go. So if you want to look for Danish, you have to think like an old hoffer or a Jew Danish hiding under the floorboards quietly. Hmm. Yeah. Alex. There's something that Alex doesn't know. I'm gonna tell Alex about a story that he doesn't know that sort of changed my life. Ooh. Mm. But you can tell me, Alex, if you have any recollection of this, because we've never discussed it after the incident, but it was life changing story I've never shared. Brian, let's hear it. You've heard of all a million times.

[Brian Bishop]

You can run it by me and I'll tell you.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. So we figured out that the Ray whiz after the fat burgers exactly as I've described it. And I was actually surprised that he.

[Brian Bishop]

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[Giovanni]

Support is available 247 with VRBoCare. We're here day or night, ready whenever you need help because a great trip starts.

[Taylor Hanson]

With the right support.

[Adam Carolla]

He eventually got out of the car, but I think that was the determination that you had in your voice that he was responding to to get away from crazy Alex.

[Alex Serrato]

It was that or I was gonna cry.

[Adam Carolla]

I had a.

[Brian Bishop]

In the movie version of this scene, we pause as a freeze frame. The little guardian angel pops up on Alex's shoulder, says, hey, Alex, you're gonna be the second most Successful person in this car.

[Adam Carolla]

He's like, what we see?

[Brian Bishop]

Diplosia.

[David Wild]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

And then Ray would have jumped scholarship under his arm.

[Alex Serrato]

Ray would have jumped up and down thinking that meant he would be the NFL.

[Brian Bishop]

He's going to the NFL.

[Adam Carolla]

Exactly. There's gonna be some Wiz Olympics. I'll crush everybody. So the story I've never told Alex, I've never told on the air, or I don't think I've ever told anybody, was Alex went off to college. I had a couple of the friends that went off to the colleges, and then there was Ray and me, Chris and the rest of us. And we hung around and the economy sucked, and we applied for jobs at supermarkets and liquor stores and cleaned carpets and eventually started picking up garbage on construction sites. And at some point, Alex had returned from college for the winter break or whatever it was. And I was talking to you, and our friend Carl and I went over to your house to get some Danish because, like, you know, Alex is back. We can go get some Danish now. And we had some sort of moment in your kitchen where you and Carl, who also went to college, and maybe you're in your first or second year, but you've probably second or third year, probably. And you sort of saw what I was doing, which is living in a garage and picking up garbage on a construction site. And you both sort of said, like, what's going on? And I said, just trying to get by, man. And you're like, yeah, but what's the plan? And I was like, I'm trying to get a job. Like, I'm struggling. I don't really have any money. I'm trying to save up to, like, move out and trying to get out of the garage. And then Carl sort of jumped in and went like, yeah, what's up? And I'm like, I don't know. I'm not having any success here, but I'm trying. And you were like, we gotta start trying harder. What are you. You gonna be a loser? And I was like, wow, I just came here to steal Danish.

[Alex Serrato]

There is no danger.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll take my Danish and leave. Good sir. Nice day, sir. Throw my cape over my shoulder and go back to my moped and go down this hill. And you both were first sort of feeding off each other a little bit. And there was like. There was part of. It was a. There was a good message in there, but it was some pretty tough love. And you're like, we're going to college. We're looking at our. What is your plan? And I Like, I'm trying to get seven bucks an hour, and, like, that doesn't sound like a plan. And I remember just being, like, sort of devastated by it. Like, just really, like, going like, my God. Like, my friends, they think I'm a loser, and I wasn't. See, I was the captain of the football team and the class clown, and now I'm the guy scrounging around trying picking up garbage on a construction site.

[Brian Bishop]

Was it implied or even explicit? Like, hey, man, you're talented or you're funny or whatever. Was that just kind of implied?

[Adam Carolla]

Did they goodwill hunting you? I wish they had. There was more of an emphasis on.

[Alex Serrato]

We didn't think he was that funny.

[Adam Carolla]

I wish there was more of an emphasis on God given talent.

[Brian Bishop]

They voted for the other guy.

[Adam Carolla]

No, it's just. It was a little more of a focus on loserdom than it was squandered. Alex was class clown the year before, and he abandoned that and moved on to go to Cal Crown.

[Brian Bishop]

And you sullied it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I don't.

[Alex Serrato]

It was all down.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you remember that conversation?

[Alex Serrato]

I remember that conversation. I remember more the year before, we were playing basketball, which was quite a challenge for Adam to make me look completely inept because I can take care of that all by myself. And at some point, he mouthed off, and I said, you know, I was class clown the year before. You were, and you had just started doing improv and sassed back. Yeah, well, I'm doing something with it, but. So, I mean, I don't remember exactly that minute, but that certainly sounds like me feeling like I was on top of the world because I had convinced my parents to pay for college. Like, that was my plan, but just.

[Adam Carolla]

Another topic that comes up.

[Brian Bishop]

But you do remember that conversation, though.

[Alex Serrato]

I do.

[Adam Carolla]

Over the Danish.

[Alex Serrato]

And, well, every con telling me that it was over Danish doesn't help narrow it down.

[Adam Carolla]

That was every conversation.

[Alex Serrato]

It was in the kitchen. I think when we moved, it was about three years until Webby's closed because the pipeline no longer had a taker.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's like they say, you want to shut down the cartels, you know, shut down the demand supply. Yeah. Did you have one of those sort of soulful walks home where, like, what does it all mean? Or I remember thinking, like, I wasn't feeling really good about my station in life before I got to Alex's kitchen. Now I'm feeling really bad. But I also sort of remember thinking, wow, I. My friends think I'm a loser, and rightfully so. You know, I was But I just remember kind of going, God, this is bad. Like, this sucks. And there was nothing. It wasn't one of those situations where I was like, you know what? I'm gonna go ahead and take the bar and become an attorney now. Like, it wasn't. I didn't have anything to go to except for I'll do more carpet cleaning or something. So there was no.

[Alex Serrato]

Well, I think part of it was that you had been going to Valley and you were like, I'm taking a couple of classes. And then he just decided, I'm not doing that anymore. That's not part of the. Whatever the plan is. This isn't part of the plan. But there was no replacement plan. And I think that's where we were starting to think, okay, well, fine. College isn't for everybody. All you need to do is go to college to figure that out. It's the same thing with law school. Not everybody. There should be there, but there just seemed to be nothing else that's completely rudderless.

[Adam Carolla]

And.

[Brian Bishop]

This is the song that was playing in your little rock.

[Adam Carolla]

The leaves are sort of falling around.

[Brian Bishop]

You kicking a can.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. Hands in your pockets.

[Alex Serrato]

Hands. No Danish.

[Adam Carolla]

I pass the hobos over the trash can with the fire. And I go, that could be me too.

[Giovanni]

There but for the grace of God.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So I remember thinking like, oh, my God, I'm a loser. But the part you're saying like, well, did people know Adam was funny? I tell people this all the time and I don't think they believe me when they go like, yeah, but you always knew you had a little something something. You know, you knew that this was gonna be short lived, this construction labor job. You know, you knew you could fall back on or move up to or whatever it is. And I'm like, no, I did not. And they're like, yeah, but you know, you're cracking up your buddies and they must encourage you to go out. Because every standup is like, my buddy signed me up for an open mic. I worked with them. I cracked him up. They pushed me up on stage. And I'm like, no, no, no. Did not. Nobody did that. Nobody did that. And it's like. But they knew you were. And I was like, no, Alex, you. Now, Alex was a class clown. So Alex was funny. I was like, alex is funny. He's like, you're funny. Now Alex is going to go to Berkeley and become a lawyer. And I was going to go to a construction site and pick up garbage. That's what we were going to do with our Class clown. But, Alex, please back me up in that. There wasn't any discussion about, you gotta get into comedy.

[Alex Serrato]

That is the truest thing you've said all day. Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Alex Serrato]

No, I mean, we. It's not that we didn't think you were funny, but nobody. Nobody thought we were watching, you know, comedy gold. And, you know, you've got to share it with the world.

[Brian Bishop]

Easy, Alex. This isn't a roast.

[Alex Serrato]

But.

[Adam Carolla]

But, you know, how long can you stay?

[Allison Rosen]

Do you have an hour?

[Alex Serrato]

Apparently I do. But the part that you don't know is that when you're in corporate America, people all the time are like, well, who's going to plan my next step? Who's going to give me my next opportunity? Who's going to do that? And all those people who come into my office and ask me that always get really tired of hearing the same story, which is, I tell them your story. Because I think you started at the Groundlings and wanted to move up to be in the.

[Adam Carolla]

Whatever, the A team, first Sunday show. And then the ground, then an actual ground, right?

[Alex Serrato]

And then taking lenses varsity. And then, you know, got to whatever it was, the B level. And they said, yep, that's. That's as far as you're gonna go. And then you started another troupe all together. And like, oh, well, when are you getting theater? Well, I'm a carpenter and built that. And then, you know, I tell them, you know, it gets to the point where he's still sitting. He's still my house sitter. On the weekends, when I went on my honeymoon with my wife, he was tortured by our puppy, Barney. Barney the Destroyer.

[Adam Carolla]

His house was next to the Zanku chicken that I had to march out of because they wouldn't give me the 5050 shawarma plate.

[Alex Serrato]

Which, when we got back to the US and I called and said, hey, how did the. It wasn't our honeymoon, but was a cruise. I said, how. How's the dog? And Adam just said, you'll just have to see for yourself, and hung up. Because there was no way to describe the. The chaos that had ensued. And that was around the time of the. Michael the maintenance man.

[Adam Carolla]

Jimmy Kimmel.

[Alex Serrato]

Jimmy Kimmel. And Adam just picked up a phone and called and said, hey, I could train one of these guys. And I always tell people there were three things that could have happened. One is they just hang up. Two is they say, okay, here's Michael the maintenance man. At which point I could now tell people, you know, I know a guy who cleans the radio station.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Alex Serrato]

And instead it was Jimmy, and the rest just happened. So you always had a lot of, like, roll up the sleeves initiative. And that's what sort of made the sitting on your ass doing nothing all the more. Well, you got to do something at some point.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah. I didn't. Well, it's hard to get off.

[Brian Bishop]

You have to take a knee.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Motivational, Alex. And if there's any other. I'll tell you what. I'll buy you a couple of minutes, because I didn't come in here. I just want to hook up with Alex and say hi and get caught up. But I just started realizing if you have another race story, if you can think of another Ray story. By the way, it should be noted that Ray's mom was a waitress at the Far East Terrace. And she would leave with a handful of fives, tens, and singles every night after a shift. And she would peel ray off 7 bucks to go eat lunch. But Ray figured, if I put all that money in a Sparklets bottle, I'll have, like $2,000 at the end of my senior year of high school, and I'll just get Alex to buy me a double king cheese. And then if I can just find folks to urina. Ooh, no. Buy the burger first, then urinate on. I could then sock away all this money.

[Brian Bishop]

Looks like I'm getting paid to pee on people.

[Alex Serrato]

He was ahead of his time.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. All right. Think of one more good Ray story. All right, Alex, is there anything. I know I'm putting you on the spot, but does anything jump out from the campus?

[Alex Serrato]

I'd narrow it down to two. One would be that Ray's mother, the bar matron at Far East Terrace, a lovable woman, but German to the core, would say just truly awful things to Ray. The all time favorite always being that she didn't give birth to him. She had squeezed him out of a bar rag.

[Adam Carolla]

I like that. Which I said sounds better in the original German. Wait, you made Ray's mom sound like the sweetest little thing in the whole world. No, she was tough as. She was tough as nails, but she cooked a lot, which I like.

[Alex Serrato]

And then when we would go out at night, it was the same deal all over again of Ray just being a mooch. And it was never enough. And, you know, Ray would. We would be at a different fat burger, and Ray would ask somebody if he could bum a cigarette off them. And then a second later, the guy would always have to say, can I have the pack back? And Ray, again with that bewildered. Oh, did you want these expression. But Adam, at this point later was able to actually buy his own meal. It was quite an achievement. I was very proud. And Ray still couldn't. And then when Ray would start to mooch, Adam would just dig in with a rant that.

[Brian Bishop]

Adam Carolla.

[Alex Serrato]

Adam Carolla. It was a long time ago. He was funny and he.

[Brian Bishop]

It was a long time ago.

[Alex Serrato]

He would start by telling Ray all the things that would have to happen before he would buy Ray food.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's right.

[Alex Serrato]

And then it turned into how much? He would never allow himself to buy Ray food. And Ray would get angrier and angrier. But once the rant started, you had to hear the whole 15 minute. And this was right around the time of the government cheese surplus cheese handout. And he would say to Ray, ray, seriously, if I had a warehouse full of cheese. And Ray is, you know, holding his hands over his ears like a five year old, stop it, stop it, stop it. And Adam, like any good bully, is just, oh, you don't like this? Well, now here it really comes. And he would say, and the government told me I had to give cheese. I had to give cheese away. And I would still hire one security card and give him one photo, and it would be you. And I would tell him, this guy gets no cheese.

[Brian Bishop]

You softened in your old age.

[Alex Serrato]

Oh, it was great. It was priceless. Because the rest of us are crying, we're laughing so hard, you know, And I still end up at the end of all of this, still having to pay for my own entertainment and buy Ray another burger. But it was worth it.

[Adam Carolla]

It was absolutely worth it. I remember being at the Fat Burger in Westwood. That would be the big thing. We're going to Westwood. We're going to Fat Burger. Alex with the very funny but dry sense of humor, as you have heard. And we're standing in line. I hope you remember this one, Alex. It always cracked me up because it was very thrown away. We're, for some reason standing in line waiting in our burgers. At Fat Burger, it'd be the Double King or the Double King with the egg or the cheese or. And at some point, I don't know why, but some guy behind us in line tapped Alex on the shoulder and he said, hey, man, how are the hot dogs here? And Alex went, I wouldn't know.

[Alex Serrato]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

It was a great.

[Brian Bishop]

That's a verbal sniff.

[Adam Carolla]

It's called Fat Burger Douche. We don't eat hot dogs here. It was a super snobby. I wouldn't.

[Alex Serrato]

That does sound like Me. It has the ring of Alex to it.

[David Wild]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Alex Roddick. Give him a plug. But he doesn't need one. He went to Cal. Everybody come by anytime. You're more than welcome. Yeah, Alex, thank you very much, my brother. And we'll see you next time you're in town or going back to New York. Yeah. Shouldn't say anything.

[David Wild]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

Moving around. We'll get to that soon. Yeah. See you, brother.

[Alex Serrato]

Well, thank you for having me.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. All right. So was there any part of the Ray urination in the rabbit story that I exaggerated or missed? You may have underplayed it.

[Brian Bishop]

I was gonna say I did not realize. Maybe I missed this detail, but the liquid in question rained down upon Alex. I did not realize that I thought he was peeing on his leg.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, this is another thing I need. Yeah, that's. Any one of you is free to try this. I would recommend doing it in the shower if you like. But I can tell you right now that there was a technique that we'd pioneered. I hope we pioneered it. It was called brewing. And one could grab the end of one's honker. Like one puts his finger on the end of a fire hose and pinch it. And if you pinch it, you can pinch it dry. And then if you let it go and the arc's right, it's watertight and the hips don't lie. Sales, she goes. We had a couple competitions in my back courtyard from my old room.

[Brian Bishop]

What you lose in accuracy, you make up for in power.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. My buddy Chris could go about 18, 19ft, number one. Number two in the old bathrooms with the 10 foot high ceilings. In high school, for some reason, high schools, old high schools, have unnecessarily high ceilings everywhere. Like, I get it if you're in a cathedral or we're making music in here or something, but this is a bathroom. So all it is is people throw gum on it and so nobody janitor can't get to it, you know, but he could hit the ceiling on a ten foot ceiling. And that's a high ceiling standard. Is that he's working against you. Yep. And he could. Or we could. With the brewing technique, you could sit in a car at a stoplight and brew it out the window and do a little hook action and bend it like Beckham and go over a couple lanes. So when everyone is always saying, ray's whizzing on you or someone's whizzing on somebody, and they're like, all right, so he's taking a whiz on you. They're picturing a dog and a fire hydrant. No, picture a dog at a step ladder up about 8ft and you dodging it. That it was more of a. And if you don't believe me, think Lee Harvey Oswald. Go. Yes. Go to second pier on the grassy knoll. When you take your shower, and I hope it's not every day, but when you take it, pinch it, brew it, and see if you can't get up to that piece of tile that's up about eye level. Oh, you can maybe wait till I am telling you you can.

[Brian Bishop]

This is a good hotel activity. Maybe not in your own home.

[Isaac Hanson]

Eh?

[Adam Carolla]

You're in the shower. If the tile's going up the side of the wall, you can make it. But give it a shot and I'll guarantee you will be impressed by what you're able to do. Yes. When Ray or Chris or even myself, although I wasn't as good at it, was sitting next to you in a car, the motion to get out of the way was not to move out of the way. It was to duck.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, God.

[Adam Carolla]

It was a ducking motion.

[Brian Bishop]

So as best case scenario, it goes over you, it clears you.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, it was always a kill shot. We weren't trying to hit anybody in the upper arm. It was always a headshot. And the idea was a headshot, you would duck. It was quite easy. And I'm always surprised that more people haven't discovered this phenomenon, but it's pretty effective. And again, mind numbing that. And during the competitions, I mean, the tape measure would come out. I mean, it was. I'm not saying it was 13ft, I'm saying it was 19ft. And now, to be fair, at my dad's old house, to step up to my room, there was about a 10, 11 inch. You'd be stepping up, so you had a little height.

[Brian Bishop]

That's good for another foot.

[Adam Carolla]

And I can't account for wind, but consistently about 19ft or so. So, yes, that's very impressive. Was Alex in the car for the drive through incident with Ray? Nope, that was just me and Ray and my mom's front hose bed and whoever that soul was who was in that McDonald's. Jack in the box. Sorry, in 1979. Nah, it's probably 1980, 81. No, that was just me. And like I said, Ray couldn't drive a stick and we'd borrowed somebody's Toyota, so I didn't have a car. Ray didn't have a car, but Ray couldn't drive a Stick. But I could drive a stick, so I had to drive. So Ray was in the passenger seat. Got it. But that was just us. I don't know how we got cut off and just somehow landed alone in Hollywood on a Saturday night. But we said, weirdly enough, people didn't.

[Brian Bishop]

Want to be in the car with us anymore.

[Adam Carolla]

We had to make our own fun. Oh, yeah. I mean, what happened with Alex again? Those were during school hours, during the weekday, and people do this thing all the time. You know, Dr. Drew used to do it. I was like, hey, man, alcohol makes people do a lot of things that they. No, no, this is not alcohol. There's no alcohol involved. Zero alcohol involved and zero drugs and zero nighttime and zero weekends. This is school time. These are working hours. These are business hours. This took place in an automobile that Alex was driving. One could argue, you know, the guy who would want whoever operating this vehicle to be urinated on the lease would be the person who's sitting shotgun in that car. One person having not bothered. But I'll tell you, there was no. Whatever went on on campus was every bit as informative and eye opening as what happened in that car. There was no boundaries. As a matter of fact, the plan was always, do whatever you're gonna do. Whatever you can do, do it at school, during school hours while people are there, because it's going to put a couple zeros behind whatever the humiliation factor is. Look, you know, go ahead and fart in the desert with a wind blowing. Who cares? But do it in a. Do it. Do it in a funeral. When they take a moment of silence. That's a completely. So, you know, the farts. The fart. It's more the setting.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. That tale will live forever.

[Adam Carolla]

This is. That's the way they would do it. So they would look for these. They were sort of like Isis, and that they wanted the bad publicity. Spread the word. Yeah. Great terror. Now imagine how you would feel next time you're driving Ray in your car. Terrified. Yeah. Ptsd.

[Brian Bishop]

Can't rest.

[Adam Carolla]

Forgot it was after he bought him lunch. That's what makes it so much better.

[Podcast Narrator]

All right, that's ADAM Colo Show 1882. Coming up next, we have Adam Colo Show 702, featuring the legendary, infamous Troy Duffy. Adam became obsessed with a documentary overnight, and I don't think he's ever even actually seen the Boondock Saints. I can't remember if he has or not, but he really got obsessed with the documentary overnight. This episode's also featuring Allison Rose and Brian bishop. It's from 2011. Part one today, part two tomorrow. Hope you guys enjoy.

[Adam Carolla]

Got to get it on. No choice but to get it on. Mandy. Get it.

[Allison Rosen]

Do you have glaucoma? What's going on?

[Adam Carolla]

Sometimes my eyes are hurting. I did that thing right, had a cup of hot coffee, and I went to take my first sip, and as I was inhaling, I got a mouthful of soap essence, which means I didn't rinse the cup out or the pot for the coffee. Worse. But I got that soapy, that lemon fresh. Yeah, if it was lemon, I'd still be drinking it. This is douche. This is douchey. This is vinegary. This is weirdy.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, anyway, people do clean coffee makers out with vinegar.

[Adam Carolla]

The thing about soap in one rinse doesn't do the soap. No. You got multiple rinses in hot water. As a matter of fact, your best plan. Can I say this? Are we going nuts with the fucking soap and the purell and the washing of the hands and everything? Because here's the deal. When you drink something out of a glass or a mug, all it needs is a good douche in with water and it go right back into the rack.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm glad you feel that way.

[Adam Carolla]

It's all it needs. Now, if you're gonna get your kissing potion all over it, sweet pea, I.

[Allison Rosen]

Find that you just. Why just wipe it off with a.

[Adam Carolla]

Paper tow, and then it just smears. But it's like, okay, let's break this down. I drink. You know, I drink a glass of wine in the evening. And X's and O's, people. That's all there is. I need a seal on this block. I need a seal on this block. I need a trap in the A gap. The guard pulls around, kicks out the N, and you go right through. Hell bent for reelection. Sometimes I got hell bent for leather. And sometimes I got hell bent for reelection.

[Taylor Hanson]

Either way, I'm psyched.

[Adam Carolla]

Either way. What I'm saying is, I drink my red wine out of a glass. I can rinse it out at the end of the night and put it back on the thing. I don't. I don't need soap involved. I can drink coffee out of a mug. That's my. That's my boy. Thank you, Matt. I can. New mug. I can rinse that out. It'll be fine. We're overdoing it with all the soap and all the. The cleaning and all the scrubbing, and we're over. I'm telling you. Really? I think I'm taking crazy pills in Life in life. I swear to you. Remember I was telling you a few days back, I got a facial.

[Isaac Hanson]

Mm.

[Adam Carolla]

Boy, do I. Yeah, the facialist, she was saying, oh, you have really good skin. Your skin's fine. You got a couple ingrown hairs. Cause you got a beard of a black man. I got a cock of an albino, but the beard of a black man. Awesome. So you got a couple of ingrown hairs down there, but your skin's good. You have no problems with your skin. And I tell. I say the same thing. I tell all of them. I've never used soap. I've never used moisturizer. I've never used any cleanser. I've never used any. Anything. And they always go, okay, okay, all right, all right. And I go, no, I'm serious. I've never. I don't wash my face. I rinse myself off. When I take a shower, I rinse myself in hot water and put a little shampoo down on the sakuroo every once in a while. But I've just rinse and I'll never. I don't have a ritual where at night I'm getting the cleansing stuff out and doing the scrubbing and all that buffing and everything. And everyone always laughs it off. I get two reactions. I get the laugh off reaction, like, okay, sure you don't. Okay, okay. Or I get the oh, well, you don't know what you're doing to you. Oh, I get the gross one too. Like, oh, yuck. Like, oh, come on. Why aren't you putting more shampoo on your balls? You know, I get that one too, too. But I know we don't need all this soap. I know we're not wired for this soap. I know your face is not meant to be scrubbed every night with something that comes from some factory in the middle of the country. I know it. And all this, all the products, the billion dollar year, all the infomercials, all the stuff. You see all that shit about, you know, we take your pores, we clean the pores, and then the next product closes the pores. And then this product exfoliates, allowing new growth of new skin cells. It's all fucking nonsense. Nonsense. It's all nonsense. I can't tell whose face amongst us has ever. My face has never touched soap. But I don't know between my face and Brian's face or Mike's face. You couldn't tell who's who in the group, and you couldn't tell who used shampoo. You could smell who hasn't used shampoo. You couldn't tell who's used all these fucking products. You just couldn't. And I know it's just fucking nonsense. And I know why we do it. We do it cause we're scared. We do it because we're out of problems. We do it because we're vain. And we do it because it's a billion, multi billion dollar year industry. Selling all this cleanliness to everyone. Everyone is going insane. I never do anything. I pee in a fucking sink. I drink out of the sink. I drink out of the hose. I drink out of my hands. I'll pee my hands drink out of that.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Know what? I exfoliate with a wagon wheel Like Old Man Tucker. He washed his face in a frying pan yeah, he did Combed his hair with a wagon wheel Died with a toothpick in his heel did he need.

[Allison Rosen]

To get out of the way? Is that the right song? Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

He got out of the way yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Get out of the way Old Man Tucker Came too late Something too late.

[Adam Carolla]

To get his supper Let me say this to the Bruce Springsteens of the world. Don't cover crappy songs from the turn of the century and think you're hip. Because that's one more fucking record I gotta buy on itunes. Yeah, there's nothing worse than that. Get out the way Old Man Tucker. All right, shut up and sing Born A Run, would you? Yeah, that's what we want. I can hear anyone sing Old man fucking Tucker.

[Allison Rosen]

You know who I can hear sing that? My preschool teacher on the auto harp and I used to sing Old Dan Tucker. I didn't know.

[Adam Carolla]

You didn't know.

[Allison Rosen]

But back to the dishes. I like to be that person who doesn't do dishes. But I hover around those who do and I point out where they're not rinsing off the soap. Because I have a fear of too much soap. Soap on my dishes.

[Adam Carolla]

I would argue that we've ingested more soap than we put on ourself. And it's done us worse internally than it does externally. And as I've said many times, if you're meant to use all this skin, all the skin products, all the moisturizing, I can see it. What happens is my wife gives my son the Chapstick. And now he gets going with the Chapstick. And then he needs the Chapstick. Now he's calling for it. And I say to my wife, don't give it to him. You're just getting him going on. It's like cigarettes. Why don't you give him fucking cigarettes or some scotch or something I can handle. And no, he needs it.

[Brian Bishop]

It's a gateway element.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he wants it.

[Allison Rosen]

Salves are next, then balms. Liniments.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, liniments. The thing is, now he needs chapstick. Why? Because he had chapstick. Why do you need hand moisturizer? Because you had it.

[Allison Rosen]

Because you wash your hands with soap.

[Adam Carolla]

Actually, you can go year. Yes, thank you. Dry them with soap. You're supposed to have shit on your skin. You're supposed to have little essences and oils and things like that. And they're there for a reason. You scrub, we pay. We pay for one product to scrub it off, and then we pay for another product to put it back. And then we become a slave to those products. I ain't biting.

[Allison Rosen]

Here, here.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, now, where was I? Oh, I went to the auto show today. I love the auto show. God damn, do I love that auto show. And I'll tell you why I love the auto show. First off, cars are amazing. I mean, they all work now. Everything's good. The more, you know, I love it because it's a microcosm of this planet and what we can do when we don't have a bunch of dickheads fucking it up for us. I mean, when you sort of get out of the way, you know, and by the way, when you go to the auto show, none of the shitty countries are represented. And you know, how dare you. We know the shitty countries, they're the ones that can't make a fucking car. Used to be us in the early 80s. But you go there and you go, yeah, man, look at them. And you see what BMW is doing and they're doing some plug in electric thing that looks like it's from fucking Buck Rogers. I mean, insane. And they're bringing it in two years and you go, is this it? And they go, this is it. And you can't believe it. It looks so futuristic out of some, you know, Tom Cruise movie from the future. And it's unbelievable, whatever that source, Minority Report, unbelievable. And then you go over to Audi and you see the total resurrection of Audi all the way through the line. Everything they make top notch beautiful stuff. And you think you guys were in the toilet 20 years ago. When I say 20 years ago, I mean 17, 18 years ago. I mean, that was a car company in trouble and they've been doing great for the last 10 years. Audi was a joke. Now Audi is the benchmark why they started delivering a product. That's it. They didn't focus on, you know, crying or pouting or wondering why they were in last place.

[Allison Rosen]

But were they in the mid-70s? Because my mom had one. Should I mock her?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Audis were pretty much shit all the way through. And then at some point, I mean, Audi had a little bit of a heyday and they, you know, they did a lot of rally racing and stuff like that and had some cool cars, Quattro and stuff like that. And somewhere by the mid-80s, late-80s, they were done. It was a joke. Nobody would buy an Audi. I mean, it was way, way, way down from any American car. They're just done. And they completely resurrected themselves and now they're the benchmark and it's just. What did they do? What's the secret? They fucking busted their ass. And they made a great product. And you look around and you go from one car company to the next and you can't believe how good they all are now. I mean, Ford is going through the roof. They took up like two football fields over there. The new Mustang, the new Mustang R has 650 horsepower. 650 horsepower. It's a 200 mile an hour car. Everybody is going nuts now. Now why? Oh, that's me.

[Allison Rosen]

Over 2,000 individual hooves.

[Adam Carolla]

Why is everybody going nuts? Because they're competing against each other. That's me standing with Matt D' Andrea standing in front of the Audi TT which has turbocharged 5, 2.5 liter and I think like 360 something horsepower. I mean every car, they're all. If you're making a six speed, we got a seven speed. If you've had six airbags, we have eight airbags. That's the nature of the car business. If you have 650 horsepower, we'll do 750. That's the new BMW I'm talking about, by the way.

[Allison Rosen]

This, it looks like a tennis shoe.

[Adam Carolla]

This is coming out electric. Yeah. If you, if your car safe will be safer. It's electric. Also has a gas motor in it that powers a generator. But the other one behind me, that's the M5. All right, we will do you better. And if you get 21 miles to the gallon, we're going to get 25. And if you're selling your car for 35, we're going to sell ours for 30, 33 and beach to it. It's everything that this world is. Yes, it's everything what it should be, just left alone, compete. Don't dump any heavy metals in the nearby rivers. We'll have the EPA for that. And then get the fuck out of the way and let these guys compete. And when you get out of the way and let everyone compete, you have never, you know, it used to be you'd go to the auto show and you'd go, all right, we're going by Hyundai. No reason to slow down over there by Hyundai, you know, and we'll go past a couple of these American car companies. No reason to see what Buick or Pontiac or whatever's making. And there's no reason, oh, let's go to Mercedes, you know, now you should stop by all of them. I swear to God, Hyundai makes great cars.

[Brian Bishop]

That's so funny you mentioned that. I was literally like a month or two ago asking Donnie because he was here and he has a ton about cars. I'm like, hey, thinking about getting. I just heard a lot of good things about the Hyundai. What do you know about it? Am I getting made fun of for having a Hyundai? And he's like, everyone's making good cars now. Everyone's making good cars.

[Adam Carolla]

They're all making good cars because they're all making good cars. And you'll be out of business. It's a mixture of information. Like everyone's got a computer, everyone's got the Internet. Consumer Reports, 5 stars, 0 stars, whatever, whatever it is, word of mouth, hey, I got a Hyundai. It's a piece of shit. Or, hey, I got a Hyundai. It's a great car and information level playing field. Everyone's going berserk, Everything's great, everything works. And that's the society I wanna live in. And we all benefit because these guys are killing each other trying to make something that's safer, faster, more economical. 100,000 mile warranty. And we'll deliver it to you as cheaply as we possibly can. And we just sit back and go, may the, you know, knock yourselves out. And we'll just reap the benefits of it.

[Brian Bishop]

Also, no car, at least to me seems like anymore, looks like a shitty car. You know what I mean? Like some of the best looking cars on the road. Like, I, I had my head turned by like the new Volkswagen cc, the Posada.

[Adam Carolla]

Beautiful looking car.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, yeah. I had that moment where I'm like, is that a BMW or a Lexus or.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, everything's nice, everything works, everything's good.

[Allison Rosen]

Do they still have almost naked women there showing off the cars?

[Adam Carolla]

Nah, they're a little, They're. Yeah, that's the one. That's, that's the one sad part.

[Allison Rosen]

That's the one they wear More clothing.

[Adam Carolla]

Now I miss the super ditzy chick who's standing around. And I go, how much torque does this baby have? And she goes, oh, it's peppy. That's what I miss. I miss that part. No, you can tell, like when you go to the Porsche side, it's super hot models, you know, ain't a bunch of tattoos and tramp stamps and hooker heels and all that kind of stuff. Like, it's the classy, classy chicks. New Porsche 911 looks amazing too. Unbelievable. All right, newsy, let's do the news with Allison Rosen. She'll read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes as bad as Allison Allison. And when it's time to wrap it.

[Isaac Hanson]

Up, she'll sign it off with zip it, cunt. It's Allison Allison.

[Allison Rosen]

Mike McCreary in the news today because he's saying that he did go to cops to report what he saw in the showers. He wrote in an email to a friend that was made available to the Associated Press.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. Does he have red hair?

[Allison Rosen]

He looks like. I'm a query.

[Adam Carolla]

He looks like one of those paintings where they just color in one part of you.

[Isaac Hanson]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

And it looked like his hair got colored in.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I would love to see that guy's pube patch. Have you ever seen that?

[Allison Rosen]

If you were a bull, it'd be dangerous for him.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

Have I ever seen that?

[Adam Carolla]

You've seen that a fire patch?

[Allison Rosen]

I have not actually. And I've been with someone who's red haired.

[Adam Carolla]

It can go one of two ways.

[Zach Hanson]

What are the options?

[Adam Carolla]

It can be pleasant surprise and holy shit, that's ten shades brighter than your head.

[Allison Rosen]

And you've seen both?

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. I mean, on Dudes Dudes locker room. I've had red headed friend dude friends, you know.

[Allison Rosen]

And you've seen their pubic hair.

[Adam Carolla]

I've seen more of their pubic hair, sister.

[Allison Rosen]

What else have you seen?

[Brian Bishop]

Not sniff worthy. Not sniff worthy.

[Adam Carolla]

What? Not sniff worthy. Not sniff worthy. I mean, you correct me in the future, would you.

[Allison Rosen]

Back to the story in one sec. But is it normal for friends to have seen each other pubic hair? Like, have you seen the pubes of everyone here?

[Adam Carolla]

I could pick out almost everyone I went to high school with Honker from outer space.

[Allison Rosen]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

When I wasn't drunk.

[Allison Rosen]

He said that he had discussions with police after he witnessed a 10 or 11 year old boy being raped in the Penn State locker room in 2002. The Nov. 8 email from a query to a friend said, quote, I did stop It. Not physically, but made sure it was stopped when I left that locker room.

[Adam Carolla]

I feel bad for this guy. I mean, I hope he. Well, whatever. It's just gonna be one of these things, you know? You don't have time in your memory to sort of sort everything. And all those retractions that sort of get put in the back of the paper, never make it into the front of your lobe, you know, and it's just gonna be 20 years from now. It'll be like, McQueery, query. That's the guy who raped those kids over in Nebraska, didn't he? Like, that's how I know it'll be me. I'll pick some Big Ten school or Big Eight school, and that'll be be. That'll be it for me, right? You asked me 20 years from now, McQueary, that shower rapist from San Jose.

[Allison Rosen]

State, Is he the one who was raped or the one who did the raping?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, can't remember. Anyway, good enough. Moving on.

[Allison Rosen]

I did have discussions with police and with the official at the university in charge of police. No one can imagine my thoughts or wants to be in my shoes for those 30 to 45 seconds. Trust me. He told the friend that he felt he was, quote, getting handled.

[Adam Carolla]

30 to 45 seconds. That's a long time he had to make.

[Allison Rosen]

He had to verify what he was seeing.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, I'm gonna give you 30 to 45 seconds.

[Allison Rosen]

We're all just gonna sit here right now.

[Adam Carolla]

We will be silent for 35 seconds. Ready? And now. It's a good pod.

[Isaac Hanson]

Shh.

[Adam Carolla]

So no talk.

[Allison Rosen]

Sorry.

[Brian Bishop]

Just like legislation.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, man, we ain't camping, and we not 10 or going to bed.

[Allison Rosen]

Damn it.

[Adam Carolla]

It's losing the effect if you talk. Imagine all the raping, by the way.

[Allison Rosen]

That's what I'm doing.

[Adam Carolla]

We've not gotten to 35 seconds. No sh. I think the guy's scratching his head at this point, going, not sure what he's doing. All right, that's 35 right there.

[Allison Rosen]

He just lost his wallet up there, and that's how he gets okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Nah, now you've crossed the line. The point is, is that that was 35.

[Allison Rosen]

That was sold for a really long time. Shocked by what you see.

[Adam Carolla]

For any guy who's stumbled across gay porn, it don't take much. You know what I mean?

[Allison Rosen]

You mean based on what you've seen from gay porn?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm saying I know in the first nanosecond what's going on, and I go running out of the room screaming for Authorities I found.

[Allison Rosen]

I sublet an apartment when I first moved to New York and I found gay porn in the vcr. I was just trying to watch friends and I knew right away what it was.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it didn't take that long. That's a lot of Mississippi's anyway.

[Brian Bishop]

Some guys know before they see it too. Yeah, like that sense goes off.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah, right.

[Allison Rosen]

So here's the thing though. The grand jury, in the grand jury investigation, he did. McCreary did not say that he went to the police. So if it's true that he did and the police have now come out and said no, he. We don't have any record of this, then he perjured himself.

[Adam Carolla]

You can't say you went to the police unless you've gone to the police. I mean, it's not like the police are gonna be like, well, maybe he did, maybe he didn't. Who knows it's gonna work that way.

[Allison Rosen]

I read the grand jury report today. That's some harrowing reading.

[Adam Carolla]

And I know we're all very quick just to go, he should have and all that kind of stuff, but I completely sympathize and I don't know how to put this into words. I feel horrible for the guys that wanted to do something, didn't do something, had that feeling, started thinking about all these implications. Not the mon. Seniors that just took the pedophile priest and reassigned him to another parish so we could start up molesting again. But guys like this that were. Like I told somebody, but I didn't know what to do. And I don't know how old he was at the time.

[Allison Rosen]

He was a graduate student and he called his dad right away because he was so distraught.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, just the fact, the fact that he called his dad means emotionally he.

[Allison Rosen]

Was not really upset.

[Adam Carolla]

No, but. Yes, but not mature enough. You know what I mean? Like I wouldn't, you know, as an. I wouldn't call my dad if I saw something like this. Hey, dad.

[Brian Bishop]

What if you did?

[Adam Carolla]

Dad?

[Isaac Hanson]

Dad?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, hello? Dad, wake up. First off, I know because it's. It's 7:45 in the evening. Yeah, hello? Yeah, dad, listen to me. I was in the locker room. Oh great. Yeah, I walked by the shower and I saw a guy. No, he said he's assistant coach. He's having sex with like a 10 year old boy. That was pop water. Yeah. No, it's not. No. First off, dad, I coach at the college level. Yes, the Penn State. Oh yeah. Remember how you always called them nifty lions? Turns out there's A new name. That was Pop Warner. No, I don't coach the Pop Warner level, dad. Why do you have to downgrade everything? I do. Yeah. Hello? All right, this is frustrating. You know what? Yeah, I'm gonna hang up. I gotta not call the cops. Oh, yeah. All right.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I would not call my dad, but if I did, it would mean that I was immature. I mean, literally calling Daddy, like, hey, something bad happened, called Daddy. It's sort of like. It's always the saddest thing in the world. Like when a kid is injured.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And they. And they call for their mommy, but even though they're, like, you know, million miles away or at school, they start bellowing for their mom. It's really sad and weird, but that's because that's an instinct of a child. I don't. I don't know. And, you know, you can go, wow, hell, he was 23. Or. Well, I don't know how old he was, whatever he was. But the point is, there's plenty of dudes that are in their 20s, are fucking kids, and they don't make real good decisions. I mean, you know how many guys in their twenties I hung out with? They're like, I'm gonna fucking just do this eight ball and do the six pack, and then we're gonna get on a motorcycle and we're going to Santa Barbara. Come on. And they just hit a train, you know, Like, I just hung out with guys that did stupid things all day long. And they were in their 20s.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. Yeah. No, I mean, I feel like he's the least guilty here and then. And based on my. Obviously I'm not a lawyer, but reading the grand jury thing, it's like he did. It seems like what he was supposed to. Paterno also reported it, but then it was Curly, who I believe was the athletic department head, and Schultz, they're the ones who looked like shim.

[Adam Carolla]

What did his dad do?

[Allison Rosen]

His dad said to tell. I don't know if his dad said specifically tell Paterno or you need to report this.

[Brian Bishop]

And he tried to fuck him in the eyes.

[Adam Carolla]

Did he? Did he? Anyway, it's all. All very sad. The point. Point is there's always going to be monsters out there. We have to love, take care of, educate. And again, it's not really. You don't need to educate a kid. You need to not turn him into a victim. You know, we need to educate the parents to not fuck, have kids and then abandon them. And we never talk about this. At least society doesn't talk about it. It's a lot about. We need to educate kids and we need to get their self esteem. Well, how do you think their self esteem got so fucked up in the first place?

[Allison Rosen]

They learned it from you.

[Adam Carolla]

Nobody was around. You don't need to tell a kid, hey, you know, when you're 10 or 11, if some 45 year old guy tries to rape you anally, you tell him to stop. Like you don't need that. The more you know, if you have a kid that was raised by nurturing, loving parents, a kid who has some self esteem, a kid who knows difference between right and wrong and looks himself in the mirror and likes what he sees looking back at him and does not have the shame hanging over him, he'll know what to do. Because you can't prepare someone for every instance. You know, if there's a burglary, you do this. If he's coming at you with a boner, you do that. If you see this. No, you teach them right from wrong, you love them, you nurture them and then guess what? They make the right decisions. Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

Even these kids who were victimized though, and the grand jury investigation goes through like you know, eight or more and tells each of their stories and all the victims at a certain point though, you know, some it just took like Sandusky making one attempt and then they tried to avoid him. And then others, you know, after they had gone on for a while, they refused to take his calls and they didn't want to be around him.

[Adam Carolla]

So he felt there.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, but I mean, at a certain point they all tried to get away and then Sandusky, evidently, according to his like supervisor at the Second Mile, not supervisor, but his point person, Sandusky would get clingy and desperate and needy when the kids cut him off. Isn't that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's all, it's all ultra creepy. But these guys love boys and so you get all the things that go along with that.

[Allison Rosen]

With a crush. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, whatever would go on between Bald Bryan and Claudia Schiffer back in 1990, before Copperfield came on the scene.

[Brian Bishop]

I had most of my hair.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Basically that's what you get. A lot of crying, masturbating, that kind of stuff. I mean, whatever. You know, whenever you get the details, you're always like, something about you. Whenever you get the details, you always get creeped out. But you're like, you don't get it. He's in love with this.

[Allison Rosen]

And that's what I was trying to say recently when I said That I feel sorry for him. I feel like that was misconstrued. I'm not saying in any way that it's okay.

[Adam Carolla]

You called him a hero.

[Allison Rosen]

That's what you're need to be. No, all I'm saying is that listening to him being interviewed as a human being, there's some part, and I am kind of a bleeding heart kind of person, there's some part of me that's like. That is a person who's lost and bewildered and super messed up. And there's something sad about that. I'm not saying anything is.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, let's break this down for a second. We've all signed off, although I haven't, but it seems like we've all signed off on. There's a, a man trapped inside a woman's body. Like, this person is born this way. We've evolved as a society not to blame the person. They're born with a syndrome where there's a man trapped inside of you. And that's okay. We understand that. And we've learned we've evolved in many ways. Like we, you know, they used to, used to be a lot more discriminating against, against gay people and things like that. Like, hey, you want to suck cock? Knock it off. You know, and now we've learned. Okay, well, there's more to it than knock it off or I'm gonna hit your dick with a Bible. Although, you know, has anyone tried it? They tried. Okay, the point is this.

[Allison Rosen]

The Gideons.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. Choking out with the rosary. Point is this. Here's what I'm saying. We understand now and we've done a lot of research to try to substantiate the fact that some men are just born attracted to other men, some women are just born attracted to other women. Some women are just born with a man's body trapped inside them, or vice versa. Throw it all down. Is there a certain percentage of guys you're just born just. They're attracted to 10 year olds.

[Allison Rosen]

Slippery slope.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, that's how you're born. Like, if you're born that way, what do we do with you?

[Allison Rosen]

I mean, probably. And so the onus is on, on society then to protect the kids or to make sure that these people who are just twisted this way or were.

[Adam Carolla]

Born or are we gonna evolve into it?

[Allison Rosen]

I don't think so.

[Adam Carolla]

But I mean, I'm telling you, 30 years ago, if you would have said even I, you know, I did Loveline. I mean, I remember 15 years ago, 10 years ago, if somebody said, said woman trapped inside a man's body or vice versa. Be like, all right, this bitch is nuts. I mean, there's a lot of judging going on in that department.

[Allison Rosen]

Are you drawing an equation between all of these? Because that is. Because someone could hear this and say, adam, are you saying that these are the same?

[Adam Carolla]

No, I'm not saying it's the same. I'm saying you're born. We've been spending a lot of time making arguments saying you're born a certain way and if you're born that way, we shouldn't judge you because you're born that way. And if you're born. And evidently there's enough of it out there that I'm willing to sign off on the fact that there's a certain percentage, thankfully a small percentage of males that are born who want younger versions of themselves. Now, I'm sure there's some of it goes on. You can make one of these guys too, molest one of them little whatever, drunken uncle, whatever. But I think we can safely say that there's a certain amount of guys just born that are this way.

[Allison Rosen]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

So what do we do with them?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And is it your fault? We've decided that it's not your fault if you're born. Fill in the blank. But it is your fault because you're born this way. Because this we don't like.

[Allison Rosen]

Right. But we're saying it's your fault if you victimize people. I see what you're saying.

[Adam Carolla]

The other behavior either before. And we've kind of come around on it right now. I don't see us coming around anyway anytime soon on this one.

[Allison Rosen]

No, because the objective affection, it can't be consensual in this case.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Allison Rosen]

The kid can't. Can't consent.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Be nice. This is why I'm all for all this DNA stuff and all this kind of stuff. I like to know in advance who had a handprint for 10 year old Doc. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

And then do what with that information, though?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that's where it gets. That's what they make all the movies out of. But I just like to know you and tactically, you know what I mean? I'd put one of those orange freeway cones on your head, you know, so I could. At first it would be a sloppy fit, but eventually you'd grow into it.

[Allison Rosen]

It's true.

[Adam Carolla]

We'll keep track of you, little chin strap.

[Allison Rosen]

Thank you, Dr. Conrad Murray has been telling people who have visited him in jail he no longer has the will to live and he wants to kill himself. Evidently, Murray cannot cope with the fact that he was found guilty of involuntary manslaughter. And though his lawyers told him he needed to be prepared for the possibility of a guilty verdict, it never competed with him. Murray remains in the medical ward at the edge of the.

[Adam Carolla]

Did anyone ever say. I mean, does anyone ever, like, say, anyone? Go, you want to kill yourself, wait till your parole and then hire yourself to look after yourself medically?

[Allison Rosen]

I don't think anyone ever said that to him.

[Adam Carolla]

Tell yourself you're sleepy when you get out, but you just can't fall asleep. Mm.

[Allison Rosen]

And he's in the medical ward at the LA County Jail because he's on. On suicide watch.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, sweet irony.

[Allison Rosen]

Maria Yeater, or Yeater, the 20 year old who claims Justin Bieber is the father of her baby boy has withdrawn her paternity suit.

[Adam Carolla]

Yep. However, calling FM Bradley. He won't withdraw. Not till he's done.

[Allison Rosen]

That's right. However, the lawsuit could be refiled at a later date.

[Adam Carolla]

Get Field Marshal Bradley on the bluff. He's gonna take care of this lawsuit.

[Allison Rosen]

And representatives say that Bieber is still planning on submitting to a paternity test.

[Adam Carolla]

There's Field Marshal Bradley right there. More chocolate, by the way. I know I probably say quietly just because no one gives a shit in that world, but the most racist of all groups are porn. The porn group. There's no such thing as a porn with a black guy in it that's not called Chocolate Something or big, you know, big brown dongs or something. Or, you know, a Jungle Fever. Like, it could be. No, it'd be like. It's like if every movie that starred Denzel Washington was called Black Guy Coming after you. Like. No, it's just they give it a name and then Denzel Washington is in it, but they don't name it after Black Something. Black Chocolate Train.

[Brian Bishop]

I like to think of the young, idealistic intern at the party who wants to, like, raised the game and, like, start naming films subtly. And the old Krusty boss is like, no more on the nose. That's too subtle.

[Adam Carolla]

No one will get it. You bangus. Yanis 69 is not. Yeah, too subtle.

[Brian Bishop]

Don't beat around the bush. Ooh, beat around the bush.

[Adam Carolla]

Write that down.

[Allison Rosen]

Bradley Cooper was named Bradfield Marshall.

[Adam Carolla]

Bradley Cooper.

[Allison Rosen]

No, a different one was named Wednesday as People magazine's Sexiest Man Alive 2011.

[Adam Carolla]

It is about time.

[Allison Rosen]

The 36 year old hangover star joins an elite group of heartthrobs previously crowned Sexiest man by the magazine, including your favorite, George Clooney, Brad Pitt, and last year's winner, Ryan Reynolds. Cooper said, I think it's really cool that a guy who doesn't look like a model can have this.

[Adam Carolla]

This isn't a game. This is my life.

[Allison Rosen]

I think I'm a decent looking guy. Sometimes I can look great and other times I look horrifying. That time of the month.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, sure. He's a disaster. Does Brad Pitt need to be on there with a scraggly beard and everything.

[Allison Rosen]

And by the way his beard dreads.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I say this?

[Allison Rosen]

You can.

[Adam Carolla]

He got a nice genetic hand dealt to him. Brad Pitt. Do you have to keep rewarding him for this? We're throwing enough pussy and money at him to keep him satisfied. Do I have to put him on a fucking list of good looking people? And if Brad Pitt doesn't make some list this year. So we're gonna look at it, get confused like that guy's not good looking at him.

[Brian Bishop]

And Brad Pitt had the crazy beard for well over a year and for like a while. Was that for a role or what was that for? Like, I never saw that on screen.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what good life, man.

[Allison Rosen]

Good.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me tell you this. There's, there's, there's. That is the I've been good looking for too long version of the chick with the short haircut.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, right.

[Adam Carolla]

I've told you, when a chick is too hot for too long, eventually she gets that little bob haircut because she's like, I'm tired of being this hot and I got to keep pulling, pushing, and eventually it's gonna fucking snap back on me.

[Allison Rosen]

Sort of like when the lion trainer turns his back on the lion. She's like, I'm so hot, I can't even it up right?

[Adam Carolla]

And then she fucks it up. Powder the funky time beard is the I'm so good looking as a dude, I can make myself look like a homeless guy and you'd still suck me off. No, no, I'm talking about. That wasn't Brad Pitt. That was me talking. Okay, I gotcha. You. Sorry, go ahead.

[Allison Rosen]

But I feel like Brian just offered.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you know what I'm saying when they do that?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, I do. Some celebrities have been tweeting their reactions to Occupy Wall Street. Is there going to come a time where you're going to have a cold or some kind of allergy situation and you won't be able to sniff because those will be sad days.

[Adam Carolla]

I had a funny exchange with Greg Fitzsimmons after the show the other day. He said I was sort of half listening and he was talking about a show that he was working on that was such a piece of shit. He said, oh, it was such a piece of shit. It was such. I had to take a pseudonym. And I said, I just sort of heard. And I said. I went, do you have seasonal allergies? And we all started laughing and we just got on this roll about pseudonym, which sound like. I don't know why he said I had to take a pseudonym instead of I used the pseudonym, which somehow made it just sound. Sound like you're taking cold medication. But pseudonym, I could see that. I'll bet you if you asked your average junior college student, they'd be like.

[Allison Rosen]

Is that something you use to make meth?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Right. You can only buy one packet at a time, Right?

[Allison Rosen]

How am I ever going to get enough pseudonym to fit in this bathtub? So here are some celebrity reactions to the Occupy Wall Street.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me guess. They're all wildly negative.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, yeah. Wil Wheaton said, dear Congress, we're Wheatin for.

[Taylor Hanson]

I said celebrities did I not Will stand by me?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

This is the first time Wil Wheaton's gone top bill than anything in 25 years.

[Allison Rosen]

But he also is a pretty big Internet celebrity.

[Adam Carolla]

He is.

[Allison Rosen]

He is. He's got like a zillion million billion jillion Twitter followers.

[Adam Carolla]

Wil Wheaton does.

[Allison Rosen]

Wil Wheaton does.

[Brian Bishop]

Don't act so naive, Carolla.

[Allison Rosen]

Someone pull up Wil Wheaton's Twitter profile, won't they? Dear Congress, Occupy. Oh, hashtag OWS and Occupy Wall street are trying to tell you that we have had enough. It's time for real change in America.

[Adam Carolla]

If Mike August booked Wil Wheaton, I'd be pissed. He's got one point, almost 1.9 million followers.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. How many do you have?

[Adam Carolla]

200? I don't know, 30, 40, 240, something like that. Near 240.

[Allison Rosen]

Two hundred and forty thousand. That's a lot. But it's not Wil Wheaton terrain.

[Adam Carolla]

Jesus Christ. 237. 5.

[Brian Bishop]

Stand by him.

[Adam Carolla]

May have just lost one Wil Wheaton.

[Allison Rosen]

Will was following Alec Baldwin. Said, your friend.

[Adam Carolla]

What is. Hold on. How does Wil Wheaton have one? And I'm talking about 1.9 million followers.

[Brian Bishop]

I agree. I demand explanation.

[Adam Carolla]

I demand explanation, too. Something happened. He did something.

[Allison Rosen]

He cooked it. He cooked it all up in his lab.

[Adam Carolla]

I gotta look this up. All right, well, anyway.

[Allison Rosen]

And look at his super humble bio. I'm just this guy, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. Oh, is that you do a bio?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, a little line in italics there you put a description of yourself.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really? Really? I don't see it. Where is it? Right below is oh, oh, oh. What's mine say? What does yours?

[Allison Rosen]

I'm just this other guy, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm the only official. Be sure to follow. Oh, okay. All right, good. Because I don't remember writing anything Baldwin said.

[Allison Rosen]

Bloomberg's New York is no place for the First Amendment. Bloomberg serves Wall street now and forever and Wall street cannot handle free speech.

[Adam Carolla]

Find how many followers Baldwin? 500.

[Allison Rosen]

Less than will Wheaton.

[Adam Carolla]

Will Wheaton just kicking his ass.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right.

[Allison Rosen]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

530,000. Almost 531.

[Allison Rosen]

Doug Benson said, I normally leave the naming of shitheads. Well, he said s asterisk, asterisk, asterisk to others. Unless that's this story doing it that way. Anyway, I normally leave the naming of shitheads to others. Man, Mayor Bloomberg is a shithead.

[Adam Carolla]

Does Doug Benson even give a fuck? I mean, our guy sleeps till noon, rips a bong load and then goes back to bed.

[Allison Rosen]

He's very politically aware.

[Adam Carolla]

No, he doesn't know what the fuck's going on.

[Allison Rosen]

He loves movies.

[Brian Bishop]

I do follow Doug and his tweets seem to get very active around noon.

[Adam Carolla]

I told you. Tell you Doug is a stand up.

[Allison Rosen]

In public coaster like 9am look at him.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm telling you, half the guys I know are stand ups because they're funny and the other half are stand ups because they want to sleep.

[Allison Rosen]

Questlove said. And I like this one.

[Isaac Hanson]

Hootie who?

[Allison Rosen]

And there's a lot of O's. Occupy Wall street needs a better lookout system. I just like it because of the hootie hoo.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Allison Rosen]

Eli Roth.

[Adam Carolla]

All the anger against Quest Love is 1.7.

[Alex Serrato]

God.

[Allison Rosen]

Look out, Rob Wheaton. And he's got a picture of him with Obama.

[Adam Carolla]

Man, I got a picture with me and Quest Love.

[Allison Rosen]

Eli Roth said all the anger against corruption has pitted New York City's finest against its citizens. Citizens. It's also painful to watch from afar. Stay strong, New York City.

[Adam Carolla]

The whole city needs to. I like Eli, but come on, who gives a fuck? I know what their point is. I just heard today that in California that before the economy fell apart, I think it was the top 1% of taxpayers paid for 50% of the taxes that came in here in California and that's 1% paying for 50%. Not good enough. Not good enough. I understand some people have more than others. That's always going to be there. And even we started off this evening talking about the auto show and about how the crazy competition just led to these crazy, crazy cars. And I know sometimes it goes astray, but for the most part it's the best system we have. And trying to get the top 1% to pay for the top bottom 55% or to pay in 55%, that's not the angle to choose. The angle's worrying about what the fuck the other 50% are doing, not what the top, who's already paying way more than their fair share is doing. There's something that's come up in this country that didn't used to exist, which is envy. And it's a big issue. And it was understood back in the day. And we are empowering. We're now dealing with the first wave of participation trophy. My own fecal matter doesn't stay think empowered. I feel so good about myself. Everybody's a winner. There's no losers. We are dealing with the first wave of those fucking assholes. That's who we're dealing with now. Because this has been going on for about 25 years and we're just starting to get maybe 20 years and those kids were 8 or 9 years old.

[Allison Rosen]

We're getting the first millennials. I think that's the name for these.

[Adam Carolla]

I call them the Ass Douches.

[Allison Rosen]

Colloquially they're known as the Ass Douches now.

[Adam Carolla]

I saw that on the news.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, okay, I stand corrected.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Brian Williams called him the Ass Douches.

[Allison Rosen]

Right, Bri Wy.

[Adam Carolla]

Hannah Kai. Hannah Kai. Hannah Katt. So what we have haven't really broken this down, but I'm gonna try now. We created a bunch of fucking self entitled monsters and this has become the pursuit of my life. Where people are so far out of it and what they expect and what they think realistic is and what the set of rules that pertains to them versus the other guys. Because that's what the bottom line is. I want my most valuable player trophy. Well, you're the slowest, fattest guy on the team. Why should he get one and I don't get one? Because he busts his ass and he runs a 44 40. That's why he gets what? Well, this is bullshit. And then everyone gets involved and then everyone gives everyone a participation trophy and then everyone feels good about themselves. But that's based on anything. You should feel good about yourself because of your accomplishments, not because somebody yelled at you to feel good about yourself and you got a fucking fake piece of plastic that was sprayed gold and had your name on a plaque on the bottom of It. And when these folks become adults and enter the workforce and they've done stories about this, how you can't treat them, you know, the boss can't yell at, hey, let's go, let's get back to work now. Oh, oh, you raised your voice to me. You better watch your tone, buddy. My dad's a lawyer. I'll sue your ass. I'll take this company. Self entitled pricks who think the world owes them a living. And now we're getting the first wave of these douchebags and now they grew up. And it's fine if you grow up in this little snow globe of a life where everything is awesome and everyone gets a participation trophy and there's no losers. Well, when you get shaken up and everything's awesome, but then you get out into the real world and you realize, I'm a fucking loser. You're not doing that well. You're not making that much money. There's no more participation trophies. This is the fucking LA Auto show. You don't get to sit around and go, hey, here's my piece of shit I worked on everyone. Why aren't you guys buying it? And then instead of finding a fucking mirror and finding the reason why no one's buying your car, you just want to run around and yell at everyone else who's selling cars. And now you want to take shit and throw it at the cars because you want to fuck their cars up. Because that's what's going on. It's like instead of looking in the mirror and go, why the fuck am I not doing better? You just find some guys got more shit than you and go, hey man, what do you need all that shit for? It's the same version of hey man, what do you need an MVP trophy for? Cuz it busts my ass, that's why. Or maybe I'm just genetically better than you. Either way. But buddy, I got the trophy, so shut the fuck up and get the fuck back to work. Or better yet, on the bench where you belong, this is what's going on. So they're feeling shame. They've been shamed by life because they haven't been prepared for life. They've been told, they've been had so much smoke blown up their fucking collective asses by the time they get out in the real world. And they realize real world doesn't give a fuck where you're from or what your mommy said you were or how pretty you you are or what you do. They don't give a fuck what anyone and all those lies that were told to your parents about how special you are and how no one was created like you. And all this bullshit advertised with Nike and all this, it's just one you. And you take it all. And it's your world. And all that Reebok shit doesn't mean shit when you get to the real world and you're just looked at as peon number 27 who's putting in an application. And guess what? I don't like your attitude, douche. Fuck. Douche. Get your fucking feet off my desk and hit the bricks. I'm not hiring you. Then now your plan is to come back and throw a brick at my window? That's your plan? This is what's going on. It's this envy and shame. And there's going to be a lot more of it because it used to be back in the day, father be walking his son down the sidewalk and you'd see a guy go buying a Rolls Royce and the father would say, there goes Mr. Jenkins. Look up to him. That guy works hard. That guy built a company, that guy built an empire. Now look at him, he's got his Rolls Royce, he's driving up the hill. But what do we do now? Now it's like, oh, look at him, look at him. Does he need that car? Why does he need that car? I'm driving a fucking Chevette. Why does he get to drive that fucking car? You know, let's go up there and throw a rock at it. That ain't gonna help you get out of the Chevette, ass douche.

[Allison Rosen]

That's right, douche.

[Adam Carolla]

Fuck. To work. And by the way, parents society, we are creating a group of self entitled monsters. Knock it off.

[Allison Rosen]

Right? And I'm wondering, all the parents that created this culture of ass douchery, were they like, are they the ones who are feeling like, well, I was never told I was special enough. Like, are they overcompensating for their childhood? Because now there's been like sort of a few generations that are aware of Dr. Spock and aware that kids have special emotional needs and et cetera.

[Adam Carolla]

We started, you know, we have these weird swings in raising kids and they're not very good. I mean, I grew up in this sort of 70s, just free to be me, you and me. Hey man, if he doesn't want to learn to read, he doesn't have to learn to read. Yeah, just. Just run wild, you know, Free range, do your own thing. Man, that whole hippie do your own thing never fucking panned out and the super self esteem building and just all this bullshit where we have to knock down a Christmas celebration. Call it a holiday celebration so we don't offend the one kid whose parents are litigious or whatever. We fucked our society up royally. We basically taken that one kid and empowered him. And we've got to stop, because that's what all this is. It used to be that you looked. I'm not saying you took random rich guys and worshiped at their altar, but you took guys who built something. And you said, there's a guy who's accomplished something. Not well. Why isn't he paying his fair share? I mean, when did that ever fucking come about? That guy paid in millions of dollars last year. You paid in shit and you're pissed at him. Obviously. It doesn't make sense. Obviously. It's not a rational thought. It's shame driven. And you want to extrapolate this? This is essentially what the terrorists do with us. They see us over here in our hot tubs, driving our big cars around, having our parties, turning on.

[Allison Rosen]

Dude.

[Brian Bishop]

Big cars with hot tubs.

[Alex Serrato]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Stretch limos with hot tubs. Or chicks looking hot. Fake boobies and bikinis and all that. And they're like, fuck it. Ala's gonna take care of these guys. And then Ala doesn't take care of shit. And then they come down and blow our buildings up. It's this weird. It's not. We think it's about religion or we think it's about, you know, cultures. It's one culture can't live next to another culture that's thriving without getting pissed off. Envious, resentful. You then get shamed. And when you get shamed, there's two things you can do with shame. You can be shamed and go, I better get my shit together. Or you can be shamed and go, I'm gonna tear that guy's shit down. And that's where we're at now. When you feel that shame, get your shit together. Leave my shit alone.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. It's like global sibling rivalry.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. That's what it is. It's old. It's as old as the Bible.

[Allison Rosen]

That's the news. I'm Alison Rosen. Zip it, cunt.

[Adam Carolla]

That was the news with Allison Rosen. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh. All right. Troy is here. We'll take a quick break. We'll be back with Troy Duffy next.

[Podcast Narrator]

All right, this is Adam carillo show part one of 702 with Troy Duffy. Coming up next, we have Adam Carillo Show 402 featuring Hanson, Teresa Strasser, Brian Bishop from 2010 part one today, part two tomorrow. Hope you enjoy this very early episode with Hanson.

[Adam Carolla]

Bring in Isaac, Taylor and Zach. All known as Hanson boys, will come in and sit down, get themselves situated and we'll. Good to see you guys again.

[Taylor Hanson]

Yeah, thanks for having us.

[Zach Hanson]

Thank you very much.

[Taylor Hanson]

Enjoying listening to the show.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you so much. What's the schedule like for Hanson these days? How does it work? Like, if you guys. And stop me from putting any words in your mouths.

[Taylor Hanson]

Haven't done it yet. We'll stop you.

[Adam Carolla]

Gone from, like crazy teen sensation to working touring band. Is that about right?

[Taylor Hanson]

Well, I mean, I think most bands. I mean, it's interesting because even. Let's say if we first broke. I mean, that nobody can sort of anticipate the kind of. That song. That song was number one in 27 countries.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

But it's one of Adam's favorites. I don't know if you realize that he never shuts up about it.

[Taylor Hanson]

It was blaring in the car when he drove up.

[Adam Carolla]

I do love that song. I just. I love a good, pure pop song. I don't care if my straight. I mean, my buddies make fun of me.

[Taylor Hanson]

You know what?

[Adam Carolla]

It just looks.

[Taylor Hanson]

We grew up listening to classic pop music and soul music and rock and roll. That's where we. That's what we always think of is like, okay, does this live up at some level to the kind of stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. When you hear Sugar by the Archies or something, you know, you're not changing the world. It's not a Bob Dylan song. It's just. It's just good, fun, happy pop.

[Zach Hanson]

What's funny actually is that was. That's one of. One of my. As a young kid, that particular song is one of my favorite.

[Adam Carolla]

Really.

[Brian Bishop]

Songs.

[Alex Serrato]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

There's nothing. And the best part is did that.

[Taylor Hanson]

Cross over into a little bit gay at that moment just now that that.

[Adam Carolla]

Was getting across over a little bit by sort of.

[Taylor Hanson]

You were worried about you, like. And then we broke into the sugar.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well. Well, it's. And by the way, if you've ever had a crush on a girl or Teresa a girl, and you've been in love and it's like beginning. And you got that song, like, going through your head while you're riding your bicycle when you're 15 or something, it's like nothing. No, better.

[Giovanni]

It sounds like how a crush feels.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. It's just such a pure, straight pop song.

[Isaac Hanson]

Honey, you are my candy girl.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, do it.

[Taylor Hanson]

See, I Want to see you do a music video where it's just you in the car, just dropping, singing. No, singing this. But what I was trying to say was that a lot of our, you know, a lot of what we do is really quite. The process is the same. I mean, it's like we've lived on tour buses and toured the world and, you know, I mean, we.

[Adam Carolla]

The.

[Taylor Hanson]

In our second record, kind of record company mergers, craziness happened, you know, was.

[Zach Hanson]

Not helpful for them.

[Taylor Hanson]

There were a lot of political things. And then we ended up starting our own record company on our third record.

[Zach Hanson]

Because the second record ended up ultimately being released by a hip hop label.

[Taylor Hanson]

Which was kind of something about dm, something about Jay Z's record label releasing Hanson Records. There wasn't quite a connection.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure. Yeah, yeah.

[Zach Hanson]

You know, there are many things that you could accuse Hanson of being. Hip hop was not necessarily one of those things.

[Taylor Hanson]

But we've spent the last 10 years really doing. Just doing what we feel is what any band should do. Make records you're super proud of and also really sort of own everything. You know, we're sort of a cottage.

[Adam Carolla]

We're controlling.

[Giovanni]

Sure.

[Taylor Hanson]

Whether it's the. I mean, writing the songs, controlling the masters, our merchants, her website, and kind of cultivating a really strong connection with our fans. And so then, you know, it's like anything you. Every once in a while you hit sort of cultural. You know, your roller coaster, like, strikes a chord at the right time.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Taylor Hanson]

A song kind of becomes a little bit more of a hit and then the song gets played on mtv. But in the meantime, you're creating something that is this business. It's your ongoing. It's your life, it's your music, and it's your fan passion.

[Adam Carolla]

How did it. How'd it get started? Where's everyone from?

[Zach Hanson]

We're all from Oklahoma.

[Taylor Hanson]

Well, the brother thing, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure, we got that.

[Zach Hanson]

Well, technically, we didn't meet in the womb. We met after the womb.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Giovanni]

But you were the last one in it, right?

[Allison Rosen]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Hand me down. And so did people hand you instruments? Was the family musical?

[Zach Hanson]

Our folks did. Our folks did drama in high school and college. Like, our dad is like a CPA that took ballet and stuff like that. Random, weird stuff.

[Taylor Hanson]

So it was just a combination. It was. It was very.

[Giovanni]

But you know what that made me hear? You probably didn't lose all your money because your dad was a musician.

[Adam Carolla]

Accountant.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Taylor Hanson]

Very, very smart about that.

[Adam Carolla]

And he was dancing for his future.

[Taylor Hanson]

He was at the. Yeah, he was doing his plies. And thinking about dollar signs.

[Zach Hanson]

Well, we used to joke. Our mom actually went to North Texas State as a vocal major. And that's actually a really well known music school. And so she's a singer. And our dad, we joke, is a frustrated poet. And so somehow or another we ended up being songwriters and singers the way it started.

[Taylor Hanson]

We've told this story many times, but it's essentially we heard. We had it in the jeans. I guess the gene pool was there. But we heard classic rock and roll. And there was a compilation of songs from late the. That we sort of had high exposure to because we spent a year. Our dad at the time worked for an oil contractor that took him to Latin America and we all moved to South America for a year. He basically had this like hyper exposure to this type of music. And sort of at that impressionable time in your brain. I was in first grade, I was, you know, six or seven.

[Zach Hanson]

I was in third grade. I was like nine, eight, seven.

[Taylor Hanson]

Almost like songwriting began to be like hammered into our head.

[Adam Carolla]

So there's a little bit.

[Taylor Hanson]

It's a rock and roll song.

[Adam Carolla]

Bit of being out on an island. Meaning, because you hear a lot of artists, they'll go, what happened? Well, I got this afflicted with spina bifida when I was nine, so I had to stay in bed for a whole year. And all I had was this harmonica, you know.

[Taylor Hanson]

Whereas that's what John Popper says. He said, you have 10 years to sit in your basement and play harmonica.

[Adam Carolla]

See, I grew up in North Hollywood and we never moved. So I was like, I wasn't going to sit around and practice anything because the sun was shining and had all my English speaking friends running around. It was always a basketball game going on or something like that. But you guys felt a little isolated.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, sure.

[Taylor Hanson]

At that time.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

What songs, by the way, were on the classic 50s rare.

[Zach Hanson]

Johnny Be Good.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Zach Hanson]

Summertime Blues, Rock and Robin. Good God.

[Adam Carolla]

I was gonna say Rock and Robin is a great pop song.

[Alex Serrato]

Yeah, well.

[Taylor Hanson]

And Splish Splashes to me when it's still.

[Zach Hanson]

I was taking a bath. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

The Big Bopper. Yeah, it was on the plane with. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Bobby Darren.

[Taylor Hanson]

That was Bobby Darren.

[Adam Carolla]

Sorry. Big Bobber was hello Baby.

[Zach Hanson]

And that was also on that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. Hello Baby.

[Giovanni]

So you're in Latin America with nothing but those songs.

[Zach Hanson]

Yeah, pretty much from American culture.

[Taylor Hanson]

Again, that was like this strange. Like you said, this is one of those things that you could never have said, like, what's gonna happen?

[Zach Hanson]

It was kind of like spina Bifida.

[Allison Rosen]

Right.

[Giovanni]

You incubate.

[Taylor Hanson]

All you could watch was Frasier. You'd end up with a good vocabulary or a therapist. All it was was reruns. There was Reruns of MacGyver and Miami Vice and like a French show called hello, hello, which is amazing, actually.

[Zach Hanson]

It's an English show or an English show about a friend.

[David Wild]

About.

[Taylor Hanson]

And then we had that tape. And so we were. I was in first grade, you know, and so we just.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Taylor Hanson]

I remember hearing music and just harmonizing.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so what else we got? We got Rock and Robin, which is a great pop song. Which is. I. You know, if you look at the early Jacksons, I think they sung.

[Zach Hanson]

Yeah, well, this is.

[Adam Carolla]

They did a great.

[Zach Hanson]

Well, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, it's a. It's. The Coasters are. Get a Job in Charlie Brown and.

[Zach Hanson]

Poison Ivy, which we covered.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. On an early record. Sung about calamine lotion.

[Isaac Hanson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

It's now, actually, that could come back, but the state is going to. Right now. The only thing that's funny about. Or sort of sad and weird about, like, the Coasters, if you go to, like, Laughlin. It's like the Coasters appearing on stage tonight. There's like five. Five black guys, average age 24. And you're like, huh.

[Taylor Hanson]

It's like the temptation. The same way.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Alex Serrato]

It's like a.

[Taylor Hanson]

It's like the accent line around the Coaster.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right.

[Taylor Hanson]

The rest of the Coaster has already been broken.

[Giovanni]

What if that had happened to Hanson? It was one of you and then some other.

[Adam Carolla]

We want to kind of franchise the brand.

[Zach Hanson]

We're licensing the brand. We're trying to find a couple of young kids with long hair.

[Giovanni]

It's.

[Taylor Hanson]

It's really a lost start, franchising of band names. I mean, we could be playing in every city in America simultaneously.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, like the Pussycat Dolls.

[David Wild]

Totally.

[Taylor Hanson]

But I don't think just playing. Do they play even.

[Adam Carolla]

They just kind of Hanson now. They lip sync and dance, man.

[Giovanni]

Oh, your other Hanson bands.

[Taylor Hanson]

To really present Shimmer.

[Giovanni]

I think they sing.

[Adam Carolla]

They're supposed to sing, but who cares anymore? I can't even figure out, you know what. There's this weird nationality that didn't exist when I was a kid. Kid. Which is. We had black, white, Mexican when I was a kid. And then there's Asian. And now there's this in between nationality. And you go, is she Hawaiian? Seems too thin. Like you don't know what the hell's going on. What's with all these chicks? It's like their hair is straight but their skin is dark, but they're not black. Is that what happened?

[Giovanni]

Yeah. What happened to Nicole Scherzinger?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. What? Is she all right? She's pretty. She's got a great voice.

[Giovanni]

Everyone's white there.

[Taylor Hanson]

All right, so we have 40 different Indian nations. Oh, that's a. Kind of a last risk. You know, it's.

[Alex Serrato]

All of the.

[Taylor Hanson]

All the Indian tribes came to Oklahoma.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, we've got.

[Taylor Hanson]

And then there's a. There's a large Hispanic population. And, yeah, thankfully, you know, we don't have. Because we don't have a. And us.

[Brian Bishop]

A border.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you. Did you come. So then you come back to Oklahoma, and is that when.

[Taylor Hanson]

Well, I mean, this is super, super early. I mean, pretty quickly, we. We started harmonizing. Zach was so young. I mean, your brother. So you can sort of. It's different than forming a band in.

[Adam Carolla]

Your teens when you're like, I want.

[Taylor Hanson]

To be in a rock band. So we just started harmonizing together. And then people would sort of say, wow, that's great. And you'd sing for a couple. You'd sing for the cousins, and then you'd sing.

[Zach Hanson]

Well, you wind up at grandma's house, and she's real proud, and she's like, oh, boy, Sing a song for my friends.

[Taylor Hanson]

And so you start doing that. And then at some. I mean, still super early, there was an arts festival in Oklahoma, in Tulsa, and they had sort of a community stage where you could go audition to kind of get your slot. And we, you know, we went and we did it, and the three of us sang 1950s covers and some songs that we had written. We, you know, had written songs that were sort of.

[Zach Hanson]

It sounded strangely like 1950s.

[Taylor Hanson]

They were songs that were. They were just clearly directly influenced by that period.

[Giovanni]

Do you remember the names of any of them?

[Taylor Hanson]

Yeah, there's. There's a song called Rain, which is Rain falling down out of my eyes.

[Zach Hanson]

And I'm wondering why you had to say goodbye Leave me, baby all alone.

[Taylor Hanson]

In my life it's about an octave lower than it was.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that was particularly low for that song.

[Taylor Hanson]

And there was a song. There were songs about, you know, our siblings because, you know, we have some other siblings and our three oldest of seven kids. And I mean. And, you know, it's just one of those things that once we did a gig, we basically, we got another gig every time we did a gig, right? And then 300 of them later we did. And so then we, you know, pretty quickly it was like, wow, people like this. And you Start to get your chest puffed up because you look at musicians that you admire. And then at some point I remember thinking, okay, I'm a huge fan of Michael Jackson and the Beach Boys and Elvis and stuff, but we can do this. We're as good. I mean, you don't think you're Elvis or whatever, but you're like, we can do this. So then you start to get real serious about it. And we began making.

[Zach Hanson]

I remember after we did a show, we did a show and we got a standing ovation. And I remember immediately after that looking at our mom as we were driving in the car from the gig. And I said to our mom, mom, we got to make a. We got to make a record.

[Taylor Hanson]

Because at that point you. We were probably like 12.

[Giovanni]

And how old is Zach at that point? Just a little.

[Taylor Hanson]

Let's just be honest, for the first couple years, Zach was like. Zach was being dragged along. For the first couple years. It was kind of like, if you play this game, you'll get a new GI Joe and he can harmonize. That's what's amazing. And it was sort of like just one of those. It's either there or it's not. And then you try and you kind of work on the craft. But we actually made three sort of indie records, two of which were like fully printed and like artwork that we sold. The others were dubbed before we were actually signed. You know, we played for five years.

[Adam Carolla]

And how did you get discovered and signed?

[Taylor Hanson]

We, at some point along the way, it was about four years into being banned, we met a young attorney who said, I want to be your manager.

[Zach Hanson]

Buskin on the streets at south by Southwest. South by Southwest.

[Adam Carolla]

So he was just, he was just, he hit. He just got actually.

[Taylor Hanson]

Dave Matthews, one of Dave Matthews attorneys. And originally, and he was there, he was just like a young, kind of bright eyed guy from Richmond and was basically the only guys that didn't just look at us and be like, you're freaks. You know, what are you doing here?

[Zach Hanson]

He was like, what are these little kids doing here singing harmonies with the little backing things?

[Taylor Hanson]

And so we, you know, we just kind of, you know, in our confident, you know, self confidence, blind self confidence, said, we're Hanson, we're a band, you know, we write some songs.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's some of our records.

[Taylor Hanson]

We sang them for him. And then he ended up quitting his job and becoming our manager and sort of saying, I'm going to help get you signed, moved to LA and just went scorched earth. Like, we're Going to get signed. Everybody turned us down. I mean over and over and over. This is the grunge era, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

It'S like oh sure, what year are we talking about?

[Taylor Hanson]

It's like 95, 94, 95, 94, 95. I mean everybody's like what the heck? You guys are jackson5ish, but you're long blonde hair and you're from Oklahoma.

[Adam Carolla]

And you're right.

[Zach Hanson]

And then also at the same time too we were writing songs and getting friends of ours who were better musicians than we were to make tracks for us to sing the songs live. And then we became a band and so we would go from singing stuff to backing tape at the beginning of our show playing you know, as a three piece band and then singing a couple songs to a backing tape because that was the way the song.

[Taylor Hanson]

So the record labels, I mean all the like huge guys that are still big leagues now, you know we had, we had you know, mca. We had to sit down with them, you know, other lots of big labels, labels all turned us down. And then one A and R guy that sort of got, you know was like the third person at Mercury to get it sort of was told by the president of the label at Mercury at the time look, go see these kids play. And it was this crappy gig that we had in. It was one of those things.

[Adam Carolla]

Chuck E. Cheese.

[Taylor Hanson]

Yeah, it was Chuck E. Cheese. It could have been that bad.

[Adam Carolla]

But it was more like Zach was in the ball pit with his drum kit. Yeah, it would have done better than never left unpacking Skeeball dude.

[Taylor Hanson]

Yeah, exactly. Zach running in with you know pile of tickets from. But it was worse than that because it was more like it was the watch paint dry show, you know where everybody there like if we'd walk out with. If we'd walked out with with tracks of us playing a Garth Brooks cover we would have been a huge hit. But we did which the you know the six year old that went on before us did do terribly and was a huge hit. We about being seen by that this A and R guy came Steve Greenberg who we continue to have relationship with over years and you know he ate sauce playing on the back of this, you know, you know, tractor trailer stage fold out stage and you know. Exactly ended up getting signed by Mercury and went to make a record the following summer.

[Adam Carolla]

So and then, and then Hanson Mania hit when after that the next year.

[Zach Hanson]

Next year we made the record in 96 and it rose released early into 97. So as that rec. As that year Went on. Spring of 97 was when Umbap was really released.

[Taylor Hanson]

The thing that's interesting is I really think that we. The sort of blind confidence is a good, you know, phrase for us at the time. Because we really never got into this to be like successful as kids particularly.

[Adam Carolla]

There you go.

[Taylor Hanson]

You know, we were just us. That's before that.

[Zach Hanson]

Sort of us singing at a friend's wedding.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Taylor Hanson]

Like, you know, as little kids, we didn't get into this thinking like, you know, we're really cute right now, we could really make a buck. You know, we just were so young and we could do it. And we were really ambitious and so.

[Zach Hanson]

I think really ambitious.

[Taylor Hanson]

That record coming out, it was one of those, you know, it was a timing thing, was that hopefully it's about the music, I think. Hopefully art, you know, in time. That's always what it's about, is that the songs survive and the music survives. But, you know, it was so in contrast to everything else was going on. I think that was part of sort of the, you know, whoa, the snap, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Was there any one of those be careful what you wish for moments? I mean, you know, while your van was being overturned by Asian teenagers or something?

[Zach Hanson]

We did have a few circumstances like that actually. You know what was weird though? Yeah. Indonesian in particular. One of the. It's actually funny though because we had an unusual set of circumstances to leading up to that record being released. Because we figured out early on one that the girls reacted. And what we ended up doing was doing elementary, middle and high school performances.

[Taylor Hanson]

Like when we were still doing local games, assemblies. A principal was like, you guys should.

[Brian Bishop]

Come play our school.

[Taylor Hanson]

We did one, we're like, oh, great. Okay, this is good.

[Zach Hanson]

And it turns out gig and it turns out that we get to stand.

[Taylor Hanson]

On safe, say, don't do drugs, buy our cd.

[Alex Serrato]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

It was stuff like that.

[Zach Hanson]

And then all of a sudden, in particular, girls were reacting.

[Adam Carolla]

I know. By the way you have the early reaction. They give you 80% of the auditorium door. It's a 2 milk minimum. They get all the money from the sweet.

[Giovanni]

The real money is the juice box.

[Adam Carolla]

The chocolate milk and the juice boxes. So they're happy to put asses and seats at those auditorium.

[Giovanni]

You guys started out, of course, adorable, but you've all grown into really good looking men.

[Isaac Hanson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what happens, you know what normally. You know what normally happens? Normally happens is what happens to Clint Howard. Now listen, you got to find a picture of Clint Howard circa Gentle Ben and then a picture of Clint Howard Today. And by the way, way you can do Johnny Whitaker while. While you're at it. Circa Family Fair. Okay, this is Clint Howard. This he was in Gentle Bend. That's Ron Howard's. Ron Howard's younger brother was a toe headed little. It was adorable little kid who turned into this monster.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, the guy played Kelly Leek in the Bad News Bears.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh yeah. But no, he was always an animal. What he was, he was a greasy monster and Bad News Bears. Look, you're never going to do better than Clint Howard. And I was funny. I have a. You know Jimmy's cousin Sal. His son looks like Clint Howard. Cirque. But when Clint Howard was 3. And every time I say your son looks like Clint Howard, it's like I'm going to punch you, dude. I mean, no, like the old Clint Howard like when he was. All right, that's pretty good. But now you gotta find Johnny Whitaker from family. Like I said before.

[Giovanni]

And because we think of you guys.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you guys all turned out handsome.

[Giovanni]

Exceedingly handsome. I'm not just regular because our band's.

[Taylor Hanson]

Name is confusingly similar to handsome. Yeah.

[Giovanni]

That you had to. It's so close.

[Adam Carolla]

It's so close because we actually used to get that South American. Here's Johnny Whitaker. All right.

[Taylor Hanson]

Okay, this is. Now it's just starting to be like Roman Column.

[Adam Carolla]

I feel really bad.

[Giovanni]

Me too.

[Zach Hanson]

Making you feel bad.

[Giovanni]

I always think of you as young because that's how we were introduced to you.

[Allison Rosen]

Sure.

[Giovanni]

So it's weird to see with wedding rings and I think some of you have kids.

[Adam Carolla]

Everyone's got kids. Oh my God, are we old?

[Zach Hanson]

I have one half year old and.

[Adam Carolla]

One December I do.

[Isaac Hanson]

Oh my God.

[Taylor Hanson]

You have two.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what you need to do? You need to go. Everyone you meet, you go, hi, I'm Zach, the drummer from Hanson and I have kids. Man, are you old. Oh my God. You just go, hold. Wait a minute. I was like 30 and living with Ralph and La resetta. When you were 8, you had a diaper on while you're playing the drum. Kid.

[Taylor Hanson]

You know what I was just thinking?

[Giovanni]

If I didn't have a kid right now, I have a one year old. But if I didn't, I could. Couldn't feel more spinstery than if the young. He's got a two and a half year old and he's the youngest one.

[Taylor Hanson]

I'm a baby. Because that's. That's actually about a year and a half old. That was in People magazine.

[Adam Carolla]

A couple.

[Taylor Hanson]

But last year I have four kids.

[Giovanni]

Oh my gosh. How many do you have?

[Taylor Hanson]

Isn't that crazy?

[Zach Hanson]

I have two. I have two boys, a two year.

[Adam Carolla]

Old and a three year old.

[Taylor Hanson]

I just don't think that even from our perspective, I think, you know, you, you have your life, you know, you have your kids. You're either dad. It's almost like a different head, a different, you know, you, you see yourself in that role. But if you really step back from. And you go, gosh, this is the fact that we all, you know, between us, we have seven kids and everybody.

[Giovanni]

But do they, are they musical? Do they harmonize? I know they're little there.

[Taylor Hanson]

I mean, there's definitely music. I mean, I. I know at my house and they, I mean, mine are the oldest. My oldest is almost 8, believe it or not. I mean, and there's definitely music. I mean, I. It's kind of that scary thing of, you know, you don't ever want your kids to go into your profession because you know all the pitfalls.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Taylor Hanson]

You know, you're sort of like if they do, if you become a doctor, you can't feel every, every pain they go through.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Taylor Hanson]

You know, but in a way.

[Adam Carolla]

Tour guide. You be their Sherpa.

[Zach Hanson]

Oh, absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

Navigate this horrible world.

[Zach Hanson]

But it's a tricky. Well, the other joke we've had is, you know what we could do is we could get them, we could train them in stuff like, you know, cello, you know, and like saxophone, horn section. So now all of a sudden, you know, now you get like everything.

[Giovanni]

Musicians cost money, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, exactly.

[Zach Hanson]

They're indentured servants because kids are slave labor.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Speaking of, speaking of labor, you guys want to play something? Sure. I got you all set up here.

[Giovanni]

I was surprised to hear they have four younger siblings.

[Taylor Hanson]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we do have four yards.

[Taylor Hanson]

It's just shocking. No, we're not Mormons. We're not Catholic either. Our parents just really love each other. Let's just stop right there.

[Alex Serrato]

Right?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Zach Hanson]

That gets really awkward really fast.

[Taylor Hanson]

So, yeah, I guess nine times we'll play the. This has been the first single from the new album. And yeah, goes like this. I'll think about something old the art video. One, two.

[Isaac Hanson]

While I give you love you know it. So when it you unc decide you would find another man. You been out there shaking terrible chasing I'll be the bigger man yeah Cuz I I've been thinking about something I've been thinking about something. You think I will always be the fool whenever I'm not a patience you won't find Me crying I will do it. Cuz I've been thinking about something? I've been thinking about something other than you? Every day I've been thinking about something? I've been thinking about something other than you. Hey, hey, you. This love I've got in bedtime. What I say I've been thinking about something I've been thinking about something other than you. You know it's sad to say but maybe I. Every day I've been thinking about something? I've been thinking about something other than you say hey, hey, vision. Love you. Come on. Come on. Yeah, You've been out there fooling. I'm not thinking about you. Well, I've been getting the love that mostly. You've been getting around? You've been out there fooling. I'm not been about loving you, loving you. Been getting around. Yeah, you've been out there.

[Adam Carolla]

Am I on? Yeah, let's get it out there. Shout it out now on Amazon and itunes and retailers everywhere. Hanson. You guys, man, that sounded great. Great harmonies, by the way.

[Brian Bishop]

I know.

[Giovanni]

I love listening to them harmonize. They've been doing it the whole whole lives.

[Adam Carolla]

What's.

[Taylor Hanson]

Going back to the old school thing like you were talking about.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

And your piano playing is phenomenal.

[Taylor Hanson]

Oh, thanks. Yeah. It's easy to distract.

[Zach Hanson]

Zach's like, what about my drum?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. Unbelievable.

[Taylor Hanson]

He loves. He loves smacking his. Go home.

[Adam Carolla]

You guys want to sit back down? We'll do a little news, bring it home. And then for the stitcher, extra content, I guess we'll play another hand.

[Taylor Hanson]

We are at your disposal.

[Adam Carolla]

That is for a little bit longer. Just a little.

[Giovanni]

The rest of the news, I know that really is.

[Zach Hanson]

There are three girls and another boy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Wow. Yeah.

[Giovanni]

Have you ever met the Jonas Brothers?

[Zach Hanson]

We've actually almost crossed paths.

[Taylor Hanson]

Crossed barely crossed paths.

[Adam Carolla]

It's.

[Taylor Hanson]

It's kind of an odd thing because they've. They've reached out to us a few different times, but there's this. I don't know if they're nervous to meet us because we've never.

[Giovanni]

I've never looked up to you.

[Taylor Hanson]

Well, it's a weird thing because they've actually reached out to us in several different scenarios. And then kind of. It's like, woo, not happened. And we're like, hey, that's great. Let's love to meet you.

[Adam Carolla]

Why not? You know Hanson, big timed him.

[Taylor Hanson]

I don't know.

[Giovanni]

Yeah.

[Taylor Hanson]

We didn't do anything. It's just one of those. It's actually several different times.

[Zach Hanson]

Like Kevin and we Met Kevin's wife at the last New York show. The last New York show was like.

[Adam Carolla]

A few months before they got hit.

[Taylor Hanson]

These treaties, you know, first you send the Secretary of State and the president kind of.

[Adam Carolla]

Huh.

[Taylor Hanson]

Anyway, they seem like nice guys.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm guessing. I'm just doing some sort of age math. They were probably in those very formative years digging what you three were doing when those three were getting their shit together.

[Taylor Hanson]

Well, because they're just. They're not. See, they were a lot older than we were when they. When they broke whatever. They're just a few years younger than we are.

[Adam Carolla]

Sort of like.

[Zach Hanson]

I think they're just. What maybe I think is Kevin a couple years younger than you. It's like 22, 23 somewhere there.

[Taylor Hanson]

Anyway.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the only group that broke younger than you guys was the Zygotes.

[Taylor Hanson]

Yeah, it's hard to. Michael Jackson actually did because Zach is the youngest Grammy nominated songwriter but.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh really?

[Taylor Hanson]

Not the youngest Grammy nominated performer.

[Adam Carolla]

Second trimester in the Zygotes, I think.

[Zach Hanson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Zach Hanson]

Michael Jackson was something like a month.

[Adam Carolla]

Or I feature by a month but you know.

[Zach Hanson]

Yeah, by a month because was it.

[Taylor Hanson]

We're splitting hairs here. But odds are all outlive him.

[Giovanni]

Yeah.

[Taylor Hanson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. Dark.

[Giovanni]

The dark.

[Adam Carolla]

I like that.

[Zach Hanson]

That was dark.

[Taylor Hanson]

It's unexpected now.

[Adam Carolla]

What did he. What was. I'm trying to think of what he's. He did. I don't know. ABC or I want you back or something like that. Yeah.

[Zach Hanson]

That was their first single. I want you back.

[Adam Carolla]

Love that song. Such a good pop song.

[Taylor Hanson]

But you know those. Those records are so deceptively complicated. The arrangements are.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Really, really great. Those Motown guys I know there was just so layered and was so, so amazing. But. Yeah, but something like I Want yout Back is just. It's just great. ABC's great. And there's one other one.

[Zach Hanson]

I think they're in the record books. If I remember correct correctly. It's something like one of the only.

[Adam Carolla]

Bands the love you save. That's a great. Great.

[Zach Hanson]

Yeah.

[Alex Serrato]

You actually.

[Adam Carolla]

How many.

[Taylor Hanson]

How many more like classic can we break into?

[Adam Carolla]

If you guys could break into Tears of a Clown, that's another great great.

[Zach Hanson]

No, I don't know that one by heart.

[Giovanni]

How does it start?

[Alex Serrato]

How always.

[Adam Carolla]

It's got an oboe in it.

[Taylor Hanson]

See, I always want to.

[Adam Carolla]

And then it's got a great bass line. Smokey rhymes.

[Taylor Hanson]

See, I always want. Whenever I hear Tears of the Client.

[Adam Carolla]

Have this weird brain thing where I.

[Taylor Hanson]

Always want to sing.

[Isaac Hanson]

Take a good look at my Face.

[Adam Carolla]

It's great. All right, turn it up. Let's hear some smoking. That's a great bass line.

[Isaac Hanson]

Smile on my face.

[Adam Carolla]

Great lyrics, too. He wrote it, right?

[Isaac Hanson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Leave it on. We got to keep going. Now you can do. But if you listen. If you listen to the arrangements. Turn it up. Now you can hear the. It's an oboe back there, right?

[Isaac Hanson]

Yeah.

[Taylor Hanson]

Well, that's your last. Lot of orchestral mixing. Stuff going on with early Beats, boys and stuff that.

[Zach Hanson]

Yeah. No absolute blood. In a lot of ways, it's part.

[Taylor Hanson]

Of lost elements in a lot of modern music.

[Isaac Hanson]

Well.

[Taylor Hanson]

And that's a lot of Phil Spector's influence records. Like he was a Wallace Street.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Taylor Hanson]

He had a few skeletons in the closet.

[Adam Carolla]

Literally. It's definitely. It's one of the things that the sort of between the economy mean the synthesizer, we got kind of screwed because it's just never going to be that era again where you just go, look, we need 80 session musicians to come in here. They just won't do it anymore. It's just. It can be done other ways. It's cheaper.

[Taylor Hanson]

But it's a strange thing where sort of like the union, the culture, like we're going to get Morpher actually sort of killed the actual musician culture of just being like, you sure, you know.

[Brian Bishop]

You guys ever see Standing in the Shadows of Motown? The documentary?

[Giovanni]

Yes.

[Taylor Hanson]

And just because we're in serious old school music talk on this record. One of the great things about this new record was we were able to sort of connect with Motown in a major way. One is we recorded. Most of the record was recorded on what was a Motown console for years in old Neve. But the bass player we brought in at the end was Bob Babbitt, who's one of the only white guys that played in the motel.

[Adam Carolla]

Was he a record?

[Taylor Hanson]

He's a funk brother in that group. Bob is like. I mean, he's James Jameson. James Jameson and Bob Babbitt are the guys. And Bob came in and played about half the record. What an amazing guy. It's so incredible to sit here and talk with him. He tells stories about being in the car with little Stevie Wonder. Stevie jumping up in the driver's seat and driving towards. Straight to the wall until they had.

[Zach Hanson]

To just about making everyone crap their pants.

[Taylor Hanson]

Yeah. And. But he's one of those guys that is like mafiosa combined with a good fella. Combined with Midwestern.

[Adam Carolla]

Midwestern witness protection program.

[Taylor Hanson]

Yeah. He's a. And he's an amazing player and a cool dude.

[Adam Carolla]

The other Doc is the Wrecking Crew. Doc, if anyone's ever seen that, which is the guys, I think they work for A and M, but they work for everyone. They're always in the background.

[Taylor Hanson]

So it was always Charles stuff and.

[Adam Carolla]

Mamas and the Papas and all. All those hit songs from the days. Like, if you listen to California Dreaming or something, you realize, wait a minute, there were four people in the band and three of them didn't play an instrument. How the hell did they come up with that huge sound? And then you realize, oh, there was a group, and they're called the Wrecking Crew. And they're just session. Session musicians who were a band. They did all those songs. They did every one of them.

[Giovanni]

By the way, Motown in the news because Aretha Franklin's biopic is becoming a movie, and she has Halle Berry in mind to play herself.

[Adam Carolla]

I have Halle Berry in mind to play me. I mean, everyone has Halle Berry in mind.

[Zach Hanson]

There's only a musician, for God's sake.

[Taylor Hanson]

Probably the only successful musician, actor out there.

[Brian Bishop]

Jennifer.

[Taylor Hanson]

Jennifer Hudson is the only person that could.

[Adam Carolla]

Jennifer, you gotta pack the back on, baby. No, no, no.

[Zach Hanson]

Really, Slim. Early on.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, She's a great big fan.

[Giovanni]

She wants Smokey Robinson to be played by Terrence Howard.

[Taylor Hanson]

That makes sense.

[Giovanni]

And then she wants her father to be played by Denzel Washington.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Giovanni]

To be played by Blair Underwood.

[Adam Carolla]

Digging deep.

[Taylor Hanson]

Halle Berry plays that.

[Allison Rosen]

I am.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know.

[Taylor Hanson]

I'm gonna have to do something.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll tell you.

[Zach Hanson]

I can see facially there are some similarities, but not really.

[Adam Carolla]

No. Here's the deal.

[Taylor Hanson]

Look at Jennifer Hudson.

[Adam Carolla]

Aretha has been big for a while. Because if you take a look at the Blues brothers, which is 30 years ago, and she.

[Zach Hanson]

30 years.

[Adam Carolla]

She was still big gal back, but.

[Taylor Hanson]

She was a medium at that point.

[Adam Carolla]

Medium large.

[Taylor Hanson]

She's.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, she was a husky back then.

[Taylor Hanson]

You know, she was big and good. I'm just saying get is a good one.

[Adam Carolla]

It's kind of. It's kind of weird that she's still around in it. In my own. In my own morbid way.

[Taylor Hanson]

Is it. It's really strange that it's taken this long for there to be a biopic.

[Zach Hanson]

About Zach Loves Michael Jackson.

[Adam Carolla]

You wish death upon a man a few moments ago. But all I'm saying is usually real heavyset women of color don't see 65. You know, I mean, she. She's been big for a long time.

[Taylor Hanson]

It reminds me, the music video. Our new music video is an ode to the Blues Brothers.

[Giovanni]

Where can we see it.

[Taylor Hanson]

You can see it on our website. It's right on the homepage. It's on MySpace. It's on VH1. It's been on VH1.

[Giovanni]

We'll talk about the music industry changing. American Idol has partnered with MySpace. They've just started auditioning for the next season.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Giovanni]

You can submit your audition video to MySpace.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, this just in. Jack Black slated to play Aretha. Play the role of her bosom. Her left bosom. Just the left bosom.

[Giovanni]

Who plays the right?

[Adam Carolla]

Bobcat Goldthwaite.

[Giovanni]

That's good casting. I think they work well together, though.

[Adam Carolla]

They're in the bra. You never see them.

[Giovanni]

Right. But they sort of have to be the same size.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Thinking about that, they should be able to move together. Who's gonna play your bosom?

[Giovanni]

So you say Jack Black.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my God.

[Giovanni]

Now, what if it's more serious? How about Philip Seymour Hoffman as the best?

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. You're right.

[Taylor Hanson]

Because he can kind of play both. He's really funny. He could probably play both. Bosom. He could really be.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he's that good. He's that good. Yeah. He's probably yelling at his age.

[Taylor Hanson]

Those are two extraordinarily creepy shots of both of them.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, this is really more of the.

[Allison Rosen]

Going on.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's.

[Taylor Hanson]

Bobcat is actually a lovely man. It's interesting.

[Giovanni]

I love Bobcat.

[Adam Carolla]

Know him well.

[Giovanni]

I love. He's directed a couple movies which are dark and brilliant.

[Taylor Hanson]

He is really kind of a surprising guy. I mean, I.

[Brian Bishop]

We've only met.

[Taylor Hanson]

We met him a couple times.

[Adam Carolla]

Good friend, good guy. Yeah. Love that. Love that. Bobcat.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

We're just putting Bob and Jack where. Aretha's positive. I don't think they're. I think Jack would have to put on a couple. Get up the nacho libre. Wait, Jack, see if we can get you in that draw. You know, Jack's yelling at his agent, you know, I only play ass cheeks, Marty. I don't do pussoms.

[Giovanni]

If you're a hopeful between 15 and 28, you can submit an audition video. 40 seconds in length.

[Zach Hanson]

40 seconds.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Allison Rosen]

40 seconds.

[Zach Hanson]

Seconds.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

That's all you got?

[Adam Carolla]

But, you know, all I gotta say.

[Zach Hanson]

Is that's.

[Taylor Hanson]

American Idol is not about. Ultimately about talent. It's about the cult of personality.

[Adam Carolla]

But if. If there was a, you know, if this was 1993.

[Taylor Hanson]

Break it out.

[Adam Carolla]

Come on.

[David Wild]

Break it out.

[Taylor Hanson]

I'm just. I was waiting for you to drop it.

[Allison Rosen]

I was like, come on.

[Taylor Hanson]

Living Color.

[Adam Carolla]

Living Color. Yeah. But if this was 1993. Don't you think a young Hansen could have done 40 seconds worth of Rock and Robin impress somebody?

[Zach Hanson]

Hell yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, there you go.

[Giovanni]

They would have been on America's Got Talent.

[Taylor Hanson]

Yes, but we never.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean they would have been on. Let's be honest, America doesn't have pubes yet.

[Giovanni]

Is this recovered by that's coming. Was there some kind of like Dr. Pepper commercial audition?

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Taylor Hanson]

Yes. That's one of the strange things that has gone under the radar for. For the most part. But we want to do a new Dr. Pepper commercial because there's no one on the planet that has a better full circle love of Dr. Pepper than from Oklahoma. Everybody drinks it, right?

[Giovanni]

So should come around.

[Taylor Hanson]

Okay, we're jumping back to living Color.

[Giovanni]

I'm sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

Good sound. That doesn't get played down much anymore.

[Taylor Hanson]

Great players, man.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Split through the cracks. The song split through the cracks.

[Taylor Hanson]

Oh, basically Lenny Kravitz like took what they were doing and like tried to create it. He took. He took that and. And some Jimmy and some Led Zeppelin and then did it.

[Adam Carolla]

And a feather bone. Yeah, yeah. I've decided by the way way. You know like when I was thinking why the hell did he remake American Woman? Because that song was horrible. And the guess whose version is a horrible, horrible version of any songs. Like they just keep a go. Leave you woman, Bye bye. It's like a nine minute song where at the end, you know, good for me. We get it. You don't like our American. She's having. She's staying canon. Shut the up. Played that. I've convinced. Convinced that Lenny Kravitz picks his songs by how he looks playing them in front of a mirror. Like he probably tells his agent. I don't. I don't want to hear the song. I want to see what it looks like when I stand in front of a full length mirror and play it.

[Zach Hanson]

Here's a no. I think he picked it because they said, hey, Lenny, if you cover this song, we'll release it as a single from the Austin Powers movie. I think it was about. I think that's what it was about.

[Adam Carolla]

I can't.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't know.

[Taylor Hanson]

Adam's trying to say something funny. You're trying to say something.

[Giovanni]

Did you just crap on Adam's.

[Adam Carolla]

But I don't play guitar.

[Taylor Hanson]

How about leaving the jokes to Adam?

[Adam Carolla]

I just play a tongue in a quick wit.

[Giovanni]

Can I move on to another story?

[Adam Carolla]

Go ahead. Yes. I hate Lenny Kravitz.

[Giovanni]

This is a story about circumcision.

[Taylor Hanson]

Interesting light stuff.

[Giovanni]

Just something light. Eight days after her son.

[Taylor Hanson]

Man, in here. Just kind of.

[Giovanni]

Sorry. I know guys, this. Well, this is actually becoming a bigger and bigger conversation amongst new parents whether or not to circumcise their sons. I know it's kind of a big decision for me.

[Adam Carolla]

Mine was easy. I didn't want any. I know I've met more than one chick who's weirded out by the foreskin, right? So I said, you know what? He's a Corolla. He's gonna have trouble getting laid as it is. Just when they hear the name, they'll know he's a beat off leg. And I want this kid to have every chance he can possibly have to get laid.

[Giovanni]

So I expect just because his last name's Carolla that he's gonna be able to masturbate as much as you do.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I know it's a lot of pressure. It's gonna be tough when the high school girls find out. And all I'm saying is I want this guy to have all the wind at his back that he can possibly have. I don't want him to freak out any chicks with that pre pews. That's all I'm saying.

[Giovanni]

Well, this woman was dead set against her child not being circumcised. She made that very clear. The kids kid was in the neonatal intensive care unit eight days old.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, and it got done anyway.

[Giovanni]

That's right. She just wanted to take a shower and change her clothes. When she got back to the hospital, little Mario had been circumcised by mistake. She's now suing the hospital not for a medical mistake, but for assault and battery on her newborn. She's asking $1 million for the, quote, deformity caused by the circumcision.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I'm sure the judge who's been cut probably to say, like the fact that she's calling it a deformity or heading to the bathroom.

[Brian Bishop]

There's only one key question for jury screaming.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Taylor Hanson]

News would cover things that are actually news like that happens, I'm sure.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, there's the point. It's a, it's a perfect crime for her because there's no real victim. I mean, her, her, her. Her son will probably be better off for it. And she gets a million bucks because someone's definitely going to, you know.

[Zach Hanson]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

If you slip on a, you know, or spill coffee in your lap at a McDonald's, you can get a million bucks. This is.

[Zach Hanson]

Or you know what, they have a bumper sticker for that it's called shit happens.

[Adam Carolla]

Ah, I agree.

[Giovanni]

Biggest judge, the mom.

[Adam Carolla]

30.

[Zach Hanson]

Life. Life happens. Whatever you want to say.

[Giovanni]

The mom is unmarried and Latino. She says she's culturally opposed to circumcision. And the baby's father, who's of Cuban descent, agrees. They are saying from where?

[Adam Carolla]

From jail or Cuba or coffee can that he's floating home in or. Like, what?

[Giovanni]

They spoke through an attorney.

[Adam Carolla]

Awesome.

[Giovanni]

In a prepared release, the hospital said the circumcision was unfortunate. This, according to ABC News. And you know, people who are against circumcision, they're called inactivists.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Giovanni]

What.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what they call them is that.

[Giovanni]

Because you shouldn't do anything. You should just leave. You should be intact.

[Taylor Hanson]

That's just confusing.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, well, there's a. The biggest drop in circumcision is actually among whites. Statistically, as far as the Latino population, they tend not to circumcise, and that hasn't changed, says Dr. Ari Brown, an Austin, Texas, pediatrician. African Americans are mixed bags.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a good gig. What are you, Mexican cock ex expert? Why. Why is your problem the Mexican? I'll hop on a plane. What do you need to know?

[Zach Hanson]

Imagine being that guy. All right, can you please drop your pants?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. This is my partner. He's a Mexican sack expert. Together we're unstoppable, Says the doctor.

[Giovanni]

The biggest change is in Caucasians. They do it a bit less now.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Taylor Hanson]

So they do it less or they. The white population is on the.

[Adam Carolla]

So the. The white population on the decline.

[Giovanni]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Latins are flatlining and the blacks are flat. They said.

[Giovanni]

I don't know what that means, but yeah. So the biggest decline is amongst whitey.

[Adam Carolla]

Does insurance cover that? I mean, I shouldn't say insurance, but what I mean is if you're just. Let's say you have no insurance and you go to the hospital and you go, I'm gonna have my kid. Like, what are you gonna do? I'm throwing my belly on the mercy of the court. And they go, okay, okay, well, we'll deliver your kids. So we deliver your kid. Then you go, oh, now I'd like. It's essentially like you getting a free car wash. And go, now I need a wax job. And them going, listen, you're lucky to get the car wash. And it's fine. The way it is are the circumcisions being handed out. And then that would definitely help in to explain the disparity between certain cultures, obviously poor cultures, if it ain't covered by insurance. Or you don't have insurance. Insurance? Then is it grottos or not?

[Taylor Hanson]

Are they saying that this. Are they saying that she wasn't. That she was not paying or that's being assumed by the.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm just saying culturally, you have no money and you go to the county hospital. You go down a county will they circumcise? I will bet you there's some sort of Moyles without Borders.

[Giovanni]

I'm just gonna say I just paid a rabbi 600 bucks. So I don't know. The hospital. Hospital didn't charge me no tip.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's your tip?

[Giovanni]

I did it at home.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they do it at home.

[Giovanni]

Do you guys have a stance on that?

[Allison Rosen]

You have boys?

[Taylor Hanson]

We have boys. I think that's a pretty. Honestly, I'm just gonna not purely because we have sort of private penises fans, you know, I don't know, it's. It's something I'd rather not like go into, but I think that. I think that there's a lot of debate on it. I think that it should. If somebody. I can imagine how. If somebody did that when you didn't intend it. I can imagine being pretty pretty.

[Zach Hanson]

I know of a couple people that were.

[Taylor Hanson]

Regardless of whether it's valid.

[Giovanni]

Well, HIV transmission and other STDs are.

[Taylor Hanson]

Medically, there is no. Their circumcision is cleaner and healthier. The point is, there's a lot of debate.

[Adam Carolla]

It falls under the heading of who cares? And if you want to do it, do it. You know, it's like. It's sort of like pot. The pot debate, the foreskin debate, whatever else. Like, look, that's your into 50, less likely to transmit.

[Taylor Hanson]

I'm gonna not say percentage that way.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, smart. All right, T. Bring us home with the last story.

[Giovanni]

Okay, well, the last story from Star magazine, they're once again claiming that Ashton Kutcher has been cheating on his wife, Demi Moore. Earlier this month, Ashton threatened to sue the tab over a report that alleged he was seen making out with a girl other than his wife at a Los Angeles restaurant. The latest issue of Starr has an interview with a 21 year old described as a brunette Demi look alike, who says she met Ashton at a California bowling alley in July. The woman claims that even though Ashton was there with Demi and some other people, he struck up a conversation with her before he left. He slipped him her phone number and just days later wound up having sex with Ashton on a sofa in the house he shares with Demi. Said the woman. I felt totally comfortable in his arms. It was tender and nice, not some random sex act. Not surprisingly, Kutcher is denying the story. His. His lawyer talked to another tabloid, US magazine, and said Star magazine continues to publish lies about Ashton Kutcher and many other celebrities. This is not the first, nor will it be the last time they engage in reckless conduct.

[Adam Carolla]

He punked their marriage.

[Giovanni]

You think that's what he did?

[Adam Carolla]

Could have been, yeah.

[Giovanni]

It's all a joke.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's weird because it's his character. Like when he does those camera commercials, commercials, it's always like, Ashton, single at a cool, swanky Hollywood party. And like hot chicks like, ooh, it's Ashton Kutcher. And it's kind of weird, like, hey, the guy's been married for 10 years. Like, what. Why is, why is his character James Bond? You know, like, where's his old lady? Like, it's. It's kind of. So he kind of. That's sort of the thing they push out there. Maybe they got a little bit of a deal going on. You know what I'm saying? Now we're seeing, we're seeing a commercial right here.

[Alex Serrato]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Love this Internet. But yeah, he's just at every one of these things. He's either at a restaurant or a party and there's a bunch of hot chicks like checking him out and he's wandering around. And it's never like there's some 50 year old chick at the bar going, get your ass over here, I'm hitting menopause, I got a hot flash, let's go. Bring around the minivan. No, he's the life of the party. Chicks are checking him out. He's flying solo. Right?

[Zach Hanson]

Yeah, yeah, I have.

[Taylor Hanson]

So what does that mean about what's, what's the.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, at least this is sort of what's possible. Pushing or they're putting out like tempting fate. Really? Demi could have said to him, hey, Ashton, you got a ton of dough. I got a ton of dough. I don't like seeing commercials where you run around flirting with 23 year old chicks. Especially when I'm 48.

[Alex Serrato]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean?

[Brian Bishop]

Totally.

[Adam Carolla]

But it's, it's cool with her. She's been around. You know, she kind of has the. That. I think her mom was kind of hippy.

[Allison Rosen]

Ish.

[Adam Carolla]

And she was married to Bruce Willis and they're friends and their kids are friends and Bob, you know, they're friends with Ashton and Uncle Ashton. Maybe there is an element of. Listen, you want to hop on a random 21 year old you meet over at the lanes every once in a while. So be it.

[Giovanni]

Well, the good news for Ashton is that he can take to his Twitter feed and defend himself because, as you know, he has what, Couple gazillion followers. Are you guys on Twitter?

[Zach Hanson]

Yes, we are.

[Taylor Hanson]

We are nowhere close to that.

[Giovanni]

Not yet. But once this podcast I went on.

[Adam Carolla]

David Allen Greer's Twitter and he has 8,000 followers and 400 of 4,000 friends. Like, literally, he's.

[Alex Serrato]

He's.

[Adam Carolla]

He subscribes, he's following 4,000. Probably 4,000. Like how many Wayne brothers can b. And eight. And literally eight. Yes.

[Giovanni]

Listen, between Simmons and Damoshek, that's my whole Twitter feed. That's.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, I mean, we literally. Would you look at David Alan Greer here for a second?

[Giovanni]

That is bizarre. How is he following 4,000 people?

[Adam Carolla]

Nobody can follow for. It's like. It's like the old lady that lived in a Twitter shoe. I think he can't take care of all those kids.

[Zach Hanson]

Maybe that's kind of one of those. Not totally hip to.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, maybe he just follows everyone.

[Zach Hanson]

I love. I love him. He's hilarious.

[Giovanni]

He is.

[Adam Carolla]

We love him. I wrote a song about it, like, to hear who goes.

[Taylor Hanson]

Oh, was he really?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Taylor Hanson]

Oh, he's great. We have a respectable Twitter following. We have about 40 plus thousand followers.

[Adam Carolla]

But wait, but you're not following 20,000 people right now?

[Taylor Hanson]

We're following like 50.

[Zach Hanson]

50 or something.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, that's about the average amount, I'd say. Brian, how many do you follow?

[Brian Bishop]

Much less than that.

[Adam Carolla]

Much less than 4,000. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Someone that neighborhood doesn't.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, should we bring it on home?

[Giovanni]

That was the news.

[Alex Serrato]

The news with Teresa Strasser.

[Adam Carolla]

Eat a dick, msnbc. All right, Hanson is going to hang out and we'll do a little stitchier extra content. I do believe with them you guys can play another song for sure. Absolutely. Awesome. I should also tell you guys that Shout it out is available on Amazon as we speak, itunes. Also music retailers everywhere. And they're going out on tour. They're going on the shout out tour. 2010, September 17th, 18th and 19th. They're going to be in Los Angeles, San Diego and San Francisco. So working your way down the coast. And you guys can find them website, www.hanson.net easy. And you can Twitter them at Hanson Music and check out where they're going to be, their new music and their dates and all that stuff. They're good guys. We support them, so you should, too. And now your Adam Carolla extra. All right, now for a little stitcher. Extra content as promised with the one and only Hanson. And this is a oldie but a goodie. It's Sam and Dave song called Hold On, I'm Coming.

[Isaac Hanson]

Is that Lean On Me? When times are bad. When the day comes and you're feeling down in a river of trouble you're about to drown. Yeah. Hold on, I'm coming. Hold on, I'm coming. Hold on, I'm coming. Say hold up, I'm coming. Hold on, I'm coming. Reach out now, Reach out to me. For quick reaction. Don't you ever be sad, you know me. Times are bad When a day comes and you're feeling down in a river of trouble that you're about to drown, yeah. Oh, no, I'm coming. Oh, no on I'm coming. Yeah, I'm coming. Hold on, I'm coming. Hold on, I'm coming. Hold on, I'll come. Coming.

[Adam Carolla]

That sounded awesome. And by the way, is there a worse name for a band than Sam and Dave? You know what I mean? Like, what should we name ourselves? The Shy Lights? The Hush Tones? I don't know. Sam. What do you think? Dave. How about Sam and Dave?

[Taylor Hanson]

You know, we don't have much more to say. We didn't branch out very far.

[Adam Carolla]

How long was this argument? How about Dave and Sam? Why has it got to be Sam and Dave? Well, you know, Sam and Dave roll over.

[Taylor Hanson]

If you did Sam and Save, that would be a lot more.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's where I am. Talking to Hanson about Sam and Dave.

[Taylor Hanson]

Dam and Save would sort of be like a political statement here. Yeah, you know, Christian group, you know, more of them. Exactly. That's true.

[Adam Carolla]

It'd be more of a.

[Taylor Hanson]

Of a religious group.

[Adam Carolla]

Shout It Out Again is the name of the album. Nice job, you guys. Sounds unbelievable. That was your Adam Corolla Extra.

[Podcast Narrator]

All right, this adam carla show 407. Coming up next, we have adam krila show 1476. David wild, allison rose and brian bishop from 2014.

[Adam Carolla]

And now Hurting so good.

[Alex Serrato]

Adam Carolla.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Get it on. Got to get it on. No choice but to get it on Mandate. Get it on. Thanks for listening. Thanks for telling a friend. Thanks for clicking through Amazon and bookmarking us when you're doing your holiday shopping. We surely do appreciate it. Got a lot of lights to keep on around this place. Good day, Allison Rose.

[Allison Rosen]

Hello, Adam Carolla.

[Adam Carolla]

And Bald Brian. Daddy, your wiener is.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

HelenMiller had a baby today. He said. How about I hear that top drop.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I like that. David Wilde in Out of the Cold. And off the road. Road.

[David Wild]

Hard ace.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, man. Got a lot to talk about with David Wild. So now. So we'll get into the interview and the problems that are going on with the hackers and the threats and the guy who wrote the interview was supposed to be the guest tonight, but they said movie interview. Sorry, the movie. But they said no mas. They cannot do that. Nobody. Everyone's getting pulled back in.

[Brian Bishop]

Really.

[Adam Carolla]

Maybe nothing better for a movie that's sitting around 42 on rotten tomatoes right now is to have the entire world talking about it.

[Brian Bishop]

True.

[Allison Rosen]

And think of all the publicity they're getting by refusing to do publicity. Yeah, well, not refusing, but they're not being allowed to because of the.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, no, it's gonna lead the news everywhere every we go or be second because of this crazy slaughter that happened in Pakistan. And speaking of that now. So David Wild saw the interview and has a story about it. We'll get into that in a second. Now, remember yesterday when I started off the show by saying we needed that buffer song that if I was going to have Penny Lane playing throughout the house and I was going to walk out to the yard and hear John Cougar's Hurt so Good, all I was going to have to do is walk back in the house, turn to, turn the fucking stereo off. Or that. Or I could destroy the speakers in the backyard or set myself on fire.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, those are your options.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. And I decided that Main street by Bob Seger would have to be that buffer song in between really good songs and really shitty songs when they're playing whatever they're programming in on the satellite station. But I had experience this morning, which I've now decided there needs to be not only buffer songs in between really good songs and really shitty songs. It's super jarring when you're listening to the satellite stations. But also I realized this morning when I woke up, I was standing in my bathroom listening to a little radio. There needs to be buffer news stories as well. I turn on the radio at 9, 10 this morning, I'm in the bathroom, I hear in Pakistan there's a massacre, 130 something school age kids killed, 5 year olds burnt alive and tortured, blah blah blah, blah blah. Then a pause in local news, light rain overnight goes from 30 something kids, 130 something kids slaughtered to last night. You slept through it, of course, but there was some light rain.

[David Wild]

Did you say light rain? You probably slept through both.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, he said light rain.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, they didn't want to cause alarm last night.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, first off, is there Ever any confusion. Like I look out my window and go, what's this moisture? Where did this come from?

[Brian Bishop]

Explain this.

[Adam Carolla]

Explain this. I grabbed Lynette, I throw her, and she goes, well, I think it may have rained. And I throw her against the fucking refrigerator. And I go, don't lie to me. You think. Don't lie to me. You think or you know? Did it rain? Yes. At what rate? Was it light? Was it medium? Like a flow day? I wanna know. I don't even know that that is news. That there was enough rain but not enough to wake you up with any damage when nobody noticed the night before. But we went from the massacre of 130something children to something that happened last night while I was sleeping. It lightly rained.

[Allison Rosen]

So what should the buffer story be?

[Adam Carolla]

Homeless man st. Oh, oh.

[Allison Rosen]

So something that sort of has good and bad.

[David Wild]

That's a little harsher than Main street by Bob Seeger. I have to say.

[Adam Carolla]

What I'm saying is it can't be another fluff story. It can't be too fluffy. I'm getting the bends here. I need something where I go.

[Allison Rosen]

Some violence.

[Adam Carolla]

I disagree.

[David Wild]

I think it's gotta be gas prices up.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. Mm. No, see, I really need something where I go, hmm. But I don't. But it's like, oh, he was probably strung out on something, and it was probably fighting with another homeless guy. Who knows how many crimes he committed? But I need. I gotta have something that's got some teeth to it.

[Brian Bishop]

Gotta have a happy ending. Like a twist, like. Homeless man found stabbed and rescued by his.

[Allison Rosen]

An asshole.

[Brian Bishop]

He sucked.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm trying to get from here to here.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I need something.

[Allison Rosen]

You need a bridge.

[Adam Carolla]

I need a bridge. I need a towel.

[Allison Rosen]

Bridge.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Yeah, I don't want a happy ending because I just. I can't have happy ending because you're creating the same chasm.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

See what I'm saying? Homeless guy stabbed.

[David Wild]

That's gonna be a top drop. I don't want a happy ending.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't want a happy ending.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, stick to the music.

[Adam Carolla]

I write it on my back like golden palace.

[Brian Bishop]

When I get a massage, use the hashtag top drop.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. So, homeless guy stabbed.

[Allison Rosen]

I see what you're saying. Random violence that you're not picturing as much.

[Adam Carolla]

And it's kind of like, well, it's not me. I'm not talking about one of my kids. This is not gonna happen to my kid, you know, it's not gonna happen to me. I need something in between. It's gotta have. It's gotta be a little bit hard. I need something, but I gotta get from 130 something dead kids to light rain the night before. And I need something in between.

[Allison Rosen]

You go straight from homeless got killed to light rain. Cause I feel like you need another step.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, now we're asking a lot.

[Allison Rosen]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

Now we're asking a lot. All right. Are we down with this concept?

[Allison Rosen]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

What do you think got discussed more around water crash?

[Adam Carolla]

Brian, are we down?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it's fine with me.

[David Wild]

So we're skipping entirely the Australian.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you can't have a happy story.

[Brian Bishop]

Go from massive death to just one death to light rain. Feels like not a middle ground. It feels like we're minus a few percent.

[Adam Carolla]

So you went like 63 homeless guys.

[Brian Bishop]

That's why I wanted a guy just in the hospital, hit by a train, but lived. You know what I mean? Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't think you're getting the concept of this, though. If nothing much happened to the guy, then I couldn't get him hit by train.

[Brian Bishop]

Broke most of the bones in his body probably.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[David Wild]

Anyway, can it be homeless man presumed dead? I think Brian just wants one little.

[Adam Carolla]

He doesn't want the dead guy.

[David Wild]

He wants deniability on the street.

[Adam Carolla]

130 something kids.

[David Wild]

But this is an American homeless man, right?

[Adam Carolla]

That's correct.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, we don't know that.

[David Wild]

It's close to home.

[Adam Carolla]

God knows where he came from. You know what I'm saying?

[Brian Bishop]

I'm down with the concept.

[David Wild]

It's a Jewish homeless man, Right? Definitely not Jewish. It would be the general thing with homeless, I guess.

[Adam Carolla]

It is one of my biggest. Every once in a while I'll pass that billboard that it's like there are poor Jewish people and they need you. And it's always. This kind of thing is a real thing. Yeah. There's a couple if you drive through. I don't know.

[David Wild]

The Fairfax, they're known as the summer homeless. They're people who dwell only in one.

[Adam Carolla]

Home without the vineyard.

[David Wild]

Exactly. The summer homeless. It's a terrible crowd.

[Adam Carolla]

Every once in a blue moon, I will see the.

[David Wild]

This winter. Think of the summer home.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Brian Bishop]

Confined to one home year round.

[David Wild]

Exactly. Not even a timeshare.

[Adam Carolla]

The movie, then the interview.

[David Wild]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

So everything was hacked into. We all know about that stuff. And then now there was a threat, I guess, against. By the hackers. Against anybody who went out. Allison, I don't know what. You know, this is breaking news. The guy was supposed to.

[Alex Serrato]

Yeah.

[David Wild]

By the hackers saying the Organization. What's the organization? There's a name for them.

[Allison Rosen]

It's like something like gop. It is gop then that is what it is. It's something like it. Very close and similar.

[David Wild]

It's the Republican National Party is doing this.

[Adam Carolla]

Grand Old Party political hacks saying that.

[Allison Rosen]

To stay away from movie theaters that we'll be showing it.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Alex Serrato]

And.

[Adam Carolla]

But they also said that anybody. Oh, I think so. Stay away from theaters. And Sony said anybody involved with this that's doing something with it come home. I think that's what happened.

[Allison Rosen]

The world. This is from their warning. The world will be full of fear. Remember the 11th of September 2001. We recommend you to keep yourself distant from the places at that time. If your house is nearby, you'd better leave.

[David Wild]

Did they make another alternate suggestion? But you might very much like the new Tyler Perry movie.

[Adam Carolla]

Where are these guys supposed to be from? Does anyone know?

[David Wild]

North Korea.

[Brian Bishop]

North Korea Rumors.

[David Wild]

Yeah. North Korea through. Is it Thailand? Like there was a. Like what I had presumed was some sort of terrorist, digital terrorist organization funded by North Korea to do this. It's unbelievable. I've never. I think this will end up being the most expensive movie in film history simply because the cost. Can you imagine the cost of security that's going to have to be added everywhere in the whole world.

[Adam Carolla]

But. Sorry, because I don't know anything about hacking. But first Sony was hacked. Just Sony in general. But not so much about the movie.

[Brian Bishop]

More the corporate emails were all broken into.

[Adam Carolla]

Same group.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

So we think.

[Brian Bishop]

We think so.

[Allison Rosen]

Allegedly.

[Adam Carolla]

And we think these guys, their ultimate mission was this movie. Or it's just a coincidence that they're getting the corporate emails and now they're getting onto this.

[Allison Rosen]

It's revenge for the movie.

[Adam Carolla]

It's revenge for the movie. Okay, cynical question.

[Brian Bishop]

Is there any chance this is a publicity stunt?

[Adam Carolla]

It could be. In today's day and age, it could.

[David Wild]

Be the worst publicity stunt in history.

[Adam Carolla]

Have you the best publicity stunt in history?

[David Wild]

No, I don't think so. Not the telling people to stay away from the theater.

[Adam Carolla]

This. That part. We're gonna blow you up if you go to the theaters. Yeah.

[David Wild]

Amy Pascal didn't sign up for it. No.

[Brian Bishop]

It's a very small percentage chance that.

[Adam Carolla]

Now here's the question. Do we know where they're from? Because every time I ask this everyone just assumes it's North Korean. But they don't know for sure where they're from.

[Allison Rosen]

Correct. So nobody knows that it's North Korea. But that's not been proven okay, so.

[Adam Carolla]

Everybody who was involved with the movie was told to come home. And that was including the person who wrote the movie who was supposed to be here tonight.

[Allison Rosen]

I guess threat just got stepped up.

[David Wild]

The last thing I heard was that they were still going to. This was like earlier today I saw something saying that they were still having the premiere or whatever or the screening in New York, but there were no interviews. And then I heard it was. No, yeah, it's just photos of that. But who knows?

[Brian Bishop]

Seth Rogen was on Colbert Monday night, so it couldn't have been. It must have been very, very recent.

[Allison Rosen]

You know, it's as of today and tomorrow. Today and tomorrow there will be no press. James Franco and Seth Rogen, who were supposed to be doing publicity today, that's been canceled. I'll tell you my weird, very new.

[David Wild]

Adam, my weird little perspective on this was that about three days before this hack happened, I. A hack was called and said someone asked me from Sony if I would come see the movie and then help suggest some jokes for the production notes that they do for these pictures. Like literally just add a few to punch up something.

[Adam Carolla]

I want to know what you thought of this movie. Don't say it yet.

[David Wild]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

And punch up the production notes just as if.

[David Wild]

Yeah. People who knew me said just we want to make them comedic, have them a little bit more fun. So I just said, sure, I'd go see the movie and do that.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, well, I want a full review. So tell us about this movie because I've not seen it.

[David Wild]

Yeah, I went to some screening in Century City and I took my son Andrew, who. Who you now think of as the star. Your co star in Road Hard.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, he's all over the post. Exactly.

[David Wild]

But he thought it was better than Citizen Kane. He thought it was the greatest movie he's ever seen. I think it will do very well.

[Adam Carolla]

With his age is what?

[David Wild]

17.

[Adam Carolla]

17.

[David Wild]

I think 17 year old boys, men, young men and young men in particular will really like it. I enjoyed it very much. I thought I don't know what your feelings were about this is the End. I thought this is the End was brilliant.

[Brian Bishop]

My favorite comedy of the year, I think.

[David Wild]

I think it's an unbelievably smart movie. This one is more. A little bit more laddish and silly and they're not playing themselves, which I thought was such a brilliant weird twist on. And this is the End. But the. They're actually Franco is really good as sort of a narcissistic like interview news celebrity sort of shallow Journalist who gets brought in to try to knock off a political dictator. The movie was fun. I know that. I guess you're saying the reviews have not been.

[Adam Carolla]

I haven't read any. Someone said it was, I don't know, 40 something percent on rotten tomatoes, but what else would it be at? I guess this is the end I liked a lot, although there was a few. I thought the idea was a good idea and I liked everyone in it. There was just a few moments inside the house where I kept saying, oh, no one would ever do that if this was going on. And maybe that's the point of a comedy, but. But I don't know why it needs to be that way. Because I was buying into this is the End and I was buying into these guys. But then at a certain point, they would do something where you'd go, no one would ever do that. And you'd go, why do that? But I guess that's the point of the comedy.

[David Wild]

Yeah. No, I think the funny thing is I thought it was a fun comedy and it had that weird thing. Like, I remember when I saw the preview, I was like, this is a weird subject for a movie. And the thing is these guys, like, this is the end was a weird idea for a movie to play yourself and do that. I think it's a culture clash across all these societies because I think in America, we're willing to sort of accept what they're doing. But clearly, I think when the logline for this movie hit North Korea, a psychotic leader at the top was not happy. And perhaps.

[Allison Rosen]

What is the log line?

[David Wild]

The log line is that these. These journalists go out, are brought in by the US government to kill. I didn't want to say his name because I don't want the.

[Allison Rosen]

But it is him, right? It's supposed to be him.

[David Wild]

Yeah, it's him.

[Allison Rosen]

They use his name.

[David Wild]

Oh, it's him. And the actor who plays him now, and I think Seth Rogen, in the.

[Adam Carolla]

Interviews I saw, said quite rightly that Cheadle plays him. By the way, I don't think that guy's got range.

[David Wild]

Exactly. He is good. Yafikoto's never been better. No, but they do find, like, charm to this character, you know, But I think maybe in Seth Rogen's head, like, if only he saw the movie, he might like it. I. I think that might not be the case.

[Adam Carolla]

So some, like a movie like this Is the End. I love Defending youg Life, which is another one of those movies where you go, what kind of premise is this? But they didn't have a false moment in it. Like, there was no moment where I stopped and went, oh, what's he doing?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. If you were to find yourself in Judgment City, that's. That's how people would act.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Or just in general, I'm not such a snob that I can't go to a movie and go, all right, this is the wizard of Oz. Like, all right, I buy it. I get it. They all don't have to be based on battles from World War II. So when I saw Defending youg Life, I was in. And then everything that happened after that was a logical progression of what I was into. The only thing that about this is the end. There was a couple of moments or a couple of digressions in within the movie where they're like, what are you. You wouldn't. If this is really going on, this is not what you're doing.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

There's a very absurdist comedy where, you know, Brian McBride would do something completely wild card to throw the plot different direction. But I didn't mind the sort of crazy comedy.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't felt like it threw the plot a different direction. I just felt like it was just funny for this, you know, just a piece in the. But. But it didn't feel like what would actually happen.

[David Wild]

But things like. Well, like the devil having. Is it anal relations with Jonah Hill. Was that something that struck you as a tad off of reality of the situation, or.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I was. I was down with that. I was really down with everything.

[David Wild]

Oh, so was Jonah.

[Adam Carolla]

Except for just a few of the scenes in the movie once they realized what was going on. But I like, my old thing is pick something absurd and then stay the course. And that's why. Because they're asking you to buy into something, and then they kind of go, eh, but we're gonna do this over here. And that always bothers me. But that's why I like defending your life so much, because it's an insane thought that is completely executed. Never questioned it for a second.

[David Wild]

I think the school of comedy that Apatow, our friend Judd Apatow, bequeathed to, like, Rogan, who's now his own kind of, like, you know, tycoon in these movies, is it's a combination of really smart and really stupid. It's sort of like. It's like taking, you know, try. Like, this is the end was a really smart premise, like, making fun of this. But then you have to have the scenes that just go to that sort of, you know, viral red band trailer. Is that what they Call it kind of. You need the moments that are just. People talk about what you know. I guess.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's my theory. There's my theory. Yeah, my theory. And I don't know if. If it's, like, spoken of, per se, but I can tell you just sort of. In comedy, Russell Peters, his name comes up every once in a while. Nobody knows what he looks like. You guys may not know the world's.

[David Wild]

Greatest man who nobody knows.

[Allison Rosen]

We did a show with him.

[Adam Carolla]

He sells out big old venues, 7,000 seaters on five continents. He's not a household name. You know what he looks like, but he has his audience. It's Indian audience, but he has that audience. And that can be said in comedy in many different arenas. True. Now, there's a great audience in that. And those are stoners.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

And you take a movie like Ted and remove the bongs, just. You don't have the bear and Mark Wahlberg ripping a bong load. You just pretend you've removed all pot references from Ted, and I think you just cut the box office in about half.

[Allison Rosen]

Which, actually, my understanding is, dude, where's my car? Which I think is very underrated. They took out all the pot. Like, initially, it had a whole bunch of pot in it.

[Adam Carolla]

I think Seth Rogen's a fucking genius because he decided, let's put as much pot as we can possibly put into every single movie. And this is the end is really just Cheech and Chong on a Quaalude, and it's pot, pot, pot, pot, pot. And every fucking stoner goes out and sees it. And every stoner. First off, if you're a stoner, you have some cash around, at least to buy weed.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

And you certainly got movie money. And you will see the same movie six times, and it'll be like, new, everybody.

[Isaac Hanson]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

There's no other. No. I mean, the kids movies are diabolical because my kids go see Frozen, and then the next week they go see Frozen again with their other friends, which we don't, as sober adults don't really do. But I think stoners and somebody should look into this. Will see a movie. I guarantee you that. The average Woody Allen movie gets seen 1.3 times. And the average Ted. Ted got seen.

[Brian Bishop]

Pineapple Express. Got so seen.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. By the same person 28.6 times. So now let's do some math. You know, think about the pot culture. Think about the stoners. And now think about how many times they do it, and think about how they communicate and think about how they drag their friends so Seth Rogen just goes, everything I do, I'm putting some pot in this shit.

[Brian Bishop]

Pixar's got to make a pot movie.

[Adam Carolla]

They got to make a. For kids.

[Brian Bishop]

If the kids get a pot, how many times will that get.

[David Wild]

Joints with a Z.

[Adam Carolla]

Joints with a Z joint.

[Brian Bishop]

How many times will that get seen? Yeah, just do the math, people.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I'm just saying, as soon as they show.

[David Wild]

And Dawson could definitely be an animation voiceover character in joints.

[Adam Carolla]

He'd do the lederhosen. Gnarly. Now I need a lederhosen. Come on, lederhosen. You got to give a pause. I think a little beat. Just a half a beat between. Later, hosen.

[Alex Serrato]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Later, hosen. What do you think? Yeah, I'm looking. Looking for. I went about three more frames between the. The later and the hosen. Later, hosen. Good. That served it up on a silver platter.

[David Wild]

But let's circle that take.

[Adam Carolla]

Circle that take. All right, now, as soon as you show Mark Wahlberg and Ted sitting there in the trailer and they're both ripping a bong load, everyone in the theater who's high anyway or who smokes a ton of weed goes, I'm fucking in. I'm in on this one. And. And if we were smart, we'd either make kids films or pot films.

[Allison Rosen]

Cause the pot films, first off, it's the same audience.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't think they fail. And if they. They always have a life anyway. They just become a cult classic or something.

[Brian Bishop]

Always be rented.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Allison Rosen]

Like the hardcore Christian fan base.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Well, but no, seriously.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm serious.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm serious, too.

[Allison Rosen]

No, I'm more serious. I'm more.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm like those dead kids over there, and wherever they are, I'm serious.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

Isn't the buffer joke?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Yeah, go ahead, Debbie.

[Allison Rosen]

Hobo.

[David Wild]

I think I hate to agree with you on your show. I know you don't like that, but I think you have a point. And I think the way viewing, like, all these movies, Ted, this is the end, all of them. I've noticed it by watching, like, teenagers, who. I know teenagers. I. When I was a teenager back in the 1920s, what we would do is we would ask a young lady out to a date and we would go to the movies. I think the sort of pattern socially for young people.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[David Wild]

Got a barbershop quartet to tell this part. But no, but I think kids now go like guys go. A bunch of guys go to a movie. A bunch of teenage girls go to the movie. They sort of both Might meet up and hang out. The dating pattern is not as one on one boy, girl going on a date, which is where you got. I think movies were a little better or more mature or more. You had a more market for real movies. When people were in a couple going to a movie, they might want to seem like they were seeing something smart. But when you get a band of teenage guys or girls, you get both ends of stupidity. You get the stoner movie or you get the stupid chick flick, you know, ad nauseum.

[Adam Carolla]

First off, just look at Cheech and Chong.

[David Wild]

I love to.

[Adam Carolla]

Wildly unfunny, just insanely unfunny duo. Not funny together, not funny apart. Like, just not not funny.

[David Wild]

Even the ampersand was not funny.

[Adam Carolla]

Just not. They're not funny. Their stuff doesn't hold up. Their movies don't hold up. Nothing holds up. They're not good. They're not funny. It's only pot. That's the only thing about it. It's just pot. You look at those movies and you go, nope. And there's no Cheech and or Chong separate thing that you ever went, oh, but that was some good stuff.

[Brian Bishop]

That was super fun, solo shit. That was really underground shit.

[Adam Carolla]

For most guys are really super talented, funny guys. There's nothing there. There's zero. Except for the weed, which is its own genius. They figured out a way to make kajillions of dollars by being. By basically pandering to stoners.

[Brian Bishop]

How often do you think those movies are seen sober by people?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. But if you.

[Brian Bishop]

How often think they're enjoyed sober?

[Adam Carolla]

No, never. They're not. They're wildly unfunny.

[Brian Bishop]

They're pretty bad.

[Adam Carolla]

They're not even close to clever.

[David Wild]

I've never watched one. I've never been a stoner.

[Adam Carolla]

You can go to your grave in a very good mood or at least knowing that that much of your life was not.

[David Wild]

Well, I will say they went. I don't know if you saw the Rock and Roll hall of Fame where they inducted Lou Adler, who was their manager and producer. And it's the only time I've ever really seen them. They made me laugh. They were funny. This is a couple years ago, so maybe they've sobered up and are funny.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, well, I'm sure they could put together three and a half minutes.

[David Wild]

Yes, it was three and a half good minutes.

[Adam Carolla]

This is 96 minutes. All right, we got a few phone calls.

[David Wild]

So the movie, you're saying I thought it was funny. I think it's. I Thought it was actually kind of smart. But even I was sort of. I was sort of like, wow, this is a kind of a bold thing to do. And I don't know, but I think it's sort of like anything goes in America, and it's sort of that reminder that ain't true. There's a lot of jokes that don't translate, and this one is a very powerful example of something that hasn't translated to a madman across the water.

[Allison Rosen]

What I wonder, though, is all the time that was spent making the movie, all the people involved, did they have any inkling this was gonna. I mean, they. Someone must have had sense that something bad could happen afterwards.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. You know, I've always said, there's New Coke. There's the saying, what can brown do for you? Nobody raised their hand at that boardroom and went, I don't think what can brown do for you? Is a great slogan for our super huge company. I'm amazed at how many ideas get.

[David Wild]

Across in the south park era. I do think south park has sort of been a defining force in comedy for the last, like, five or ten. And maybe it's that thing in animation you can. Like, there's only that occasional thing with, like, Tom Cruise in Scientology where you hit a wall and there's pushback. But think about what they've done on south park over the last 10 years. They. And I think maybe, in fact, this joke, if it reminds me of anything, it reminds me of the south park movie.

[Allison Rosen]

Right? Team America.

[David Wild]

Yeah, Team America.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so if you're 17 and you're stoned, you're gonna love it, but you can like it as a.

[Alex Serrato]

And I like it, too.

[Adam Carolla]

It's your birthday today, right?

[David Wild]

It is my birthday.

[Allison Rosen]

Happy birthday.

[David Wild]

I'm barely living.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, now, as I telling you, by the way, James Franco deserves this because of the whole car situation.

[David Wild]

I remember the story about your car.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, that's right.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Alex Serrato]

He.

[Adam Carolla]

At quite a significant cost to me. His car was. My car was given to him so he could shoot his Chanel commercial. And I worked on the Oscars Gucci commercial.

[David Wild]

Having worked with the Oscars with him, I feel I paid a price.

[Adam Carolla]

And the only pay we requested is that he come on the show, and his people said, no.

[Brian Bishop]

What if he was on and was postponed because of the whole Sony thing?

[Adam Carolla]

This took place quite a bit before that.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, but still.

[Adam Carolla]

No, that's one of those. It's one of those things where the person themselves are fine, but the publicists are Douchebagged.

[Allison Rosen]

I can't offer you a series of like. Like you can have a 15 minute phone or at 10:15am or didn't you finally get whittled down to nothing?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, it was a runaround. It was whatever. But it's perfect in this town, which is he specifically requested. Well, actually, what happened was, right about a year ago, my phone rang and it was Jay Leno. And I said, what? What's up, Jay? And he said, james Franco call me? And I said, yeah, he wants a car. I said, all right, why don't you let him use one of your 150 cars? And he said, I don't have this car. I said, you don't have this car? And he said, no. And he said, you have this car? And I said, I do. And he said, yep. And I said, I do have that car. And he said, well, James Franco wants to shoot it for a Gucci car commercial and needed to be at the Chateau Marmont on a Sunday, I believe, before the sun rose, like 5:00am and, oh, it got all cleaned up and tuned up, and my guys took it over there and sat there with it and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Would have cost thousands of dollars. But the only thing they needed, only thing my guys needed was he was gonna come on the show. But that's over a year ago, so doesn't look like it's gonna happen. I'm sure it's never getting back to him.

[David Wild]

So you're actually on the list of suspects.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, but we have a town where no one gives a fuck and none of that matters.

[Allison Rosen]

But then, my favorite part of the story. Your guys wouldn't let him pay for anything. Right, Sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. I have said to my guys, let people pay for things, especially rich people. People who are doing rich people commercials.

[David Wild]

Oh, wait, it's a Gucci commercial. So in other words, was he directing it or was he in it?

[Adam Carolla]

He was in it.

[David Wild]

Then Gucci would pay for it.

[Brian Bishop]

You'd think.

[Adam Carolla]

I've said many times to many people in these endeavors and regarding these endeavors, I don't need to make money, but I don't want to lose money helping James Franco make money. I just want to.

[Isaac Hanson]

I'll.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll be happy just to just break even just for the price I pay you guys and the detailing and just get me back to even. Just. That's all I need. I don't need. But the guys who went there went like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, Your money's no good here. My money was good to them. But their money was no good. Gucci money was no good.

[David Wild]

But that's a common thing. There's common fees. Right. For. I mean, I've been at shoots where we're getting a car, and it's like someone wrangles them and you pay for it.

[Adam Carolla]

I know this was one guy doing a solid for somebody who was going to join their podcast as a guest at some point in the future, which will never fucking happen because Franco's fucking people are fucking douchebags. That's what it was going to be. Now it is simply what it is, which is a car that I paid for that's in a Gucci commercial where Franco got paid.

[David Wild]

Ironically, this whole controversy about the interview might not have happened if only he had done the interview here.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[David Wild]

The one he committed to.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. There's a question about me. Let's go down the line. Line one. John, 29, Iowa. Yeah, Adam, how you doing? Good. I wanted to reinforce something you said real quick that you always say, I bought a ticket today. And with no argument at all, but. And lost. But fuck him anyways. You fought a ticket. Good. But I want to ask you about your makeup on Catch a Contractor. Mm. As you work on that show and you. I noticed one time your makeup was all rubbed off, like around your eyes and nose. And I was wondering, I know you've in the past so that you just kind of let people do their job. You don't really care, but would you be allowed to not, like refuse makeup and not let them do that? Well, you know, high def is fucked up everything for everybody, but there are days when they have makeup and hair on that show, and there are days when they don't have makeup and hair on that show, but they don't tell you the days they don't have makeup and hair. So I would put a little gel in my hair, but I don't. Because I don't know. So some of the days I did have makeup on most of the days, and then other days I did not have makeup on because they were like building days or something. So on the building days and it was so hot and sweaty and all that kind of stuff. But yeah, I mean, I always thought I would care more about everything, but it turns out I don't. I should skip smart on non makeup days. His wife brings a little powder puff and dabs him. Because the thing about. Here's the thing about makeup. If everyone agreed not to wear makeup, we'd all be fine. But if someone is wearing makeup and you're not wearing makeup and you're sitting next to them. It's like you not having your teeth whitened when the two people have had their teeth whitened. You look like a homeless person.

[Brian Bishop]

Thanks, Alison.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you.

[Allison Rosen]

You need a buffer person.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Brian Bishop]

David Wilde, get over here.

[David Wild]

I'm the homeless buffer person who's been stabbed.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you for that hard hitting question, John. Yeah, I just. You look like. I don't know, strange. Like if Heath Ledger were to reprise his role as the Joker. Now it's good. Sorry. I love you.

[David Wild]

Stop kissing ass.

[Brian Bishop]

Think he's a Seth Rogan enthusiast?

[Adam Carolla]

Imagine if he didn't love me. It really be painful. Your words would really hurt.

[Podcast Narrator]

All right, this is adam Cole Show 1476. That does it for these cool classics. Make sure to tune tomorrow for an all new installment. Until then, follow and get it off.

[Adam Carolla]

Day or night.

[Giovanni]

VRBoCare is here 247 to help make every part of your stay seamless.

[Adam Carolla]

If anything comes up or you simply need a little guidance, support is ready whenever you reach out.

[Taylor Hanson]

From the moment you book to the.

[Giovanni]

Moment you head home.

[Adam Carolla]

We're here to help things run smoothly.

[Giovanni]

Because a great trip starts with the right support.

[Adam Carolla]

And hey, a good playlist doesn't hurt either.

[Giovanni]

Hey, never.

[Adam Carolla]

You're welcome.