All Things Ladylike with Erica Rhodes

Summary

The Adam Carolla Show — “All Things Ladylike” with Erica Rhodes

Episode Date: September 29, 2025
Guest: Erica Rhodes

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Episode Overview

This lively episode features comedian Erica Rhodes joining Adam Carolla and Mike Dawson for a candid, freewheeling conversation blending social commentary, personal anecdotes, and irreverent humor. The overarching theme is “ladylike” behavior—what defines it, whether it’s outdated, and how changing cultural expectations have affected both women and men. The conversation ranges from recent viral moments of women behaving “unhinged,” generational changes in gender roles, personal stories about family, to the intersection of victimhood, outrage culture, and media narratives.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. "Going Nuts": Women, Regulation, and Ladylike Behavior

[03:20–10:10]

• Adam launches with his characteristic unfiltered take: “I think women are going nuts. And they're really getting crazy. And they're fighting, and it's easy. So they're fighting in airports. They're fighting out front of ice facilities. They're like, they're going nuts.” (Adam, 03:27)
• He riffs on the increase of public outbursts and confrontations involving women, citing WNBA clashes and viral videos from airports and public protests.
• Adam attributes some of this to differences in how boys and girls are socialized: “Men grow up regulating themselves because they grow up with rough and tumble play... Women don't do the rough and tumble play, so they don't really know where to begin and end, so they just start screaming.” (Adam, 05:33)
• Erica pushes back gently, noting hormonal changes and generational shifts: “Older women go crazy. And also, they're dealing with hormone changes, you know, like, this woman's probably going through menopause.” (Erica, 07:47)

Notable Segment:

• WNBA Coach Outburst
  • Adam and Erica dissect a now-infamous press conference where a WNBA coach was suspended after dropping “three F bombs” and physically confronting officials:
    • Adam: “No NBA coach would go out there and attack the crew... they wouldn't go after the league.” ([08:01–08:46])

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2. Stories of Public Rage & Identity Politics

[10:36–16:25]

• Erica recounts a testy Starbucks encounter, where an airport barista seemed hostile and suggests Erica’s “privilege” may have played into it:
  • Erica: “I started feeling, like, a drip in my pants. There was a hole in the bottom of my coffee cup. And it just starts... I was like, did she do that on purpose?” (10:42)
• Adam expands on the theme, weaving together cultural resentment, the “Karen” phenomenon, and how social narratives inflame divides:
  • “You are attractive, blond and white. According to the steady diet we've been feeding every young person—I'm a Karen. You're kind of the enemy.” (Adam, 11:48–11:49)
  • Adam shares a personal story where his own background was misjudged due to appearances: “I'm just a person who probably grew up poorer than her, who pays a shitload in taxes and just wants to get along.” (Adam, 16:19)

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3. Double Standards, Victimhood, and the "Victim/Oppressor" Divide

[16:25–22:24]

• Adam rails against society’s habit of casting people as either "victim" or "oppressor": “We’re doing a nice job in society of trying to divide everyone into victim and oppressor. And I've been screaming it's a bad idea, stop doing it.” (Adam, 16:25)
• Erica points out a contemporary double standard: “Now it's like they can profile you, but you can't profile them. So there's like, a real double standard happening.” (Erica, 16:53)
• The topic transitions to violent behavior by both genders, but Adam claims society is less able to absorb “female craziness” since “as a society, we didn’t count on a large demographic of women participating in craziness.” (Adam, 20:57)
• They discuss the changing threshold for what is considered abnormal or disruptive—from the 1960s’ “ladylike” ideal to today’s social media-saturated climate.

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4. Generational Shifts and “Ladylike” Archetypes

[22:34–29:07]

• Adam and Erica humorously listen to and analyze a 1960s educational video about what it meant to be a “young lady,” contrasting it with their own mothers’ unconventional paths:
  • Adam: “When everyone was normal, my mom was abnormal. And now I got a bunch of shit for it. And now your mom can be a freak show... and you wouldn’t get any shit.” (26:14–26:22)
• Erica reveals her grandmother was an aeronautical engineer during WWII, defying traditional roles, while Adam recounts his mother being “early money on not shaving the pits.”
• The takeaway: definitions of “ladylike” are as much about context and timing as actual conduct.

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5. ICE Protests & Media Narratives: Who Deserves Compassion?

[32:03–39:12]

• Adam and Erica discuss riotous ICE facility protests, “shoot ICE” chants, and the selective compassion shown by politicians and mainstream media:
  • Adam: “If you are part of the January 6th committee... your claim is that the Capitol Police suffered irreparable long term damage, psychological damage... Then why no sympathy for the other law enforcement, ICE people that are having this as an ongoing daily battle?” (Adam, 36:00)
• This segues into a hypothetical comparison for parents of police: Is a single hard day worse than daily, ongoing public abuse?
• Dawson and Erica play along, humorously reflecting the rhetorical mismatches at play in media and politics.

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6. Light Interlude: Plumbing Mishaps & Domestic DIY

[41:16–45:54]

• Adam shares his proud (and promptly disappointing) installation of a “urinal sink,” only to discover it won’t drain: “It's a sink on top, urinal on the bottom. It's kind of the mullet of bathroom fixtures, you know?” (Adam, 41:32)
• The trio riff on home improvement disasters versus putting together IKEA furniture, with Erica noting she recently broke her toe “kicking my coffee table... I was just multitasking.”

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7. Children’s Rhymes, Nostalgia, and “Creative Laziness”

[47:20–54:02]

• Adam and Erica deconstruct the classic “This Little Piggy” rhyme, bemoaning its lack of creativity:
  • Adam: “That is the least creative children's limerick ever.” (47:32)
  • Erica recites it straight (“This little piggy had none...”), leading to a playful dissection of why it’s endured.
• They reminisce about favorite childhood games—Adam’s “stinky foot” and Erica’s “lost little kitty”—blending humor and nostalgia.

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8. Family Eccentricities and Generational Differences

[54:24–61:43]

• Adam and Erica swap tales of quirky parents, stepdads, separate bedrooms, and the stray neighborhood cats who became surrogate pets.
• Adam: “My mom saved part of the jean leg from a cutoff jeans and then thumbtacked it where the flap was. So we had a flap of denim jean [in the window].” (59:36)
• The segment highlights the oddball nature of non-traditional households and how children adapt (or get embarrassed).

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9. News Segment with Mike Dawson

[64:04–99:50]
Notable stories and riffs include:

• Who’s the Better-Looking TV Icon?
  • “You gotta go Selleck, because Selleck was like 6'2, 6'3, played on the basketball team and they could dunk a basketball and stuff. ... If you want to start getting into handsome, you gotta get over six foot.” (Adam, 64:28)
• Serena Williams’ “Cotton Trauma”
  • Adam and Erica skewer Serena’s social media complaint about cotton décor:
    • “Bitch, you've been rich since you were seven. That’s number one. Number two, you're married to a rich guy. ... I'm sure the Italians may have been discriminated against ... but not me.” (Adam, 71:01)
    • Erica: “Every time I touch [cotton], I'm like slavery.” (70:58)
• Muslim Call to Prayer in Dearborn
  • A neighborly conflict erupts over loud religious broadcasts at 5:30am.
  • “All Muslims understand and know when the call to prayer is. They don't need this. This is more of a 'hey, f you'—we're shoving this down your throats.” (Mike Dawson, 76:55)
• Bill Maher’s “Both Sides” Monologue
  • Adam rebuts the “both sides are authoritarian” narrative—using COVID-era policies as his proof:
    • “We did an experiment. Who wanted control, who didn’t want control? ... You tried to force everyone to get an unproven jab... That sounds like authoritarian dictatorship control.” (Adam, 84:48)
    • “Don’t give me this lecture on control. It’s insane that they even have the balls to do it when we just got done with an experiment called Covid.” (Adam, 86:24)

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10. Malt Liquor, Ethnic Advertising, and Cultural Shifts

[88:29–95:16]

• Adam, Dawson, and Erica indulge in a nostalgia trip through 70s and 80s malt liquor commercials—Billy Dee Williams for Colt 45 and Fred “The Hammer” Williamson for King Cobra.
  • "I've spent half my life trying to liquor up women... liquor never works. It's the vegemite of alcohol." (Adam, 89:46)
• They note the shift from harsh malt liquors to today’s syrup-flavored vodkas, and muse on how marketing and community taste have evolved.
• Erica: “I don’t think I’ve ever had malt liquor.”

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11. Comedy Closer: The JonBenet Ramsey Joke

[99:50–100:27]

• Erica closes with one of her viral jokes:
  • “I went on a date and the guy said I look like JonBenet Ramsey if she were still alive. And I said, you look like the killer if they found him. And we had a fun night of role playing. I hid in the basement, and he pretended to write a ransom note in my mom’s handwriting.” (Erica, 100:03–100:27)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On generational shifts:
  • “My mom was early money on not shaving the pits.” (Adam, 27:00)
• On societal tolerance:
  • “The ocean can take raw sewage... but at a certain point, fish will start floating. It can't absorb an infinite amount.” (Adam, 19:46)
• On “ladylike” standards:
  • “What's a ladylike sport?” (Adam, 18:03)
  • “Tennis.” (Erica, 18:06)
• On virus restrictions as proof of authoritarianism:
  • “You arrested a guy who was paddle boarding in the bay. … Spare me your fucking discussions on authoritarianism.” (Adam, 84:50)
• On kid’s rhymes:
  • “That is the least creative children's limerick ever.” (Adam, 47:32)
• On Serena Williams’ “cotton trauma”:
  • “Now, here's the thing. The thing. Can people have a little more situational awareness? Like, bitch, you've been rich since you were seven.” (Adam, 71:01)

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Timeline of Important Segments

| Timestamp | Topic/Segment | |-------------|---------------------------------------------------------------| | 03:20–10:10 | “Women Going Nuts,” regulation & WNBA controversy | | 10:36–16:25 | Public rage, privilege, and identity politics | | 16:25–22:24 | Double standards & “victim/oppressor” narratives | | 22:34–29:07 | Generational differences; 1960s “ladylike” archetypes | | 32:03–39:12 | ICE protests, media narratives, and selective compassion | | 41:16–45:54 | DIY home disasters: Adam’s urinal sink | | 47:20–54:02 | Nursery rhymes and creative laziness | | 54:24–61:43 | Family eccentricities and adapting as a kid | | 64:04–99:50 | News: TV icons, Serena & cotton, Dearborn mosque, Bill Maher | | 88:29–95:16 | Malt liquor ads, ethnic marketing, shifts in taste | | 99:50–100:27| Erica’s JonBenet Ramsey joke |

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Tone & Language

The conversation is energetic, brash, and often irreverent—hallmarks of the Adam Carolla Show. Adam’s rants are peppered with sharp humor, social criticism, and the occasional outlandish analogy. Erica’s laid-back, witty retorts provide a grounded, self-aware counterbalance, keeping the banter engaging and relatable. The tone shifts fluidly between playful, satirical deconstructions of convention and caustic, no-holds-barred cultural commentary.

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Conclusion

For listeners, this episode offers classic Carolla: rapid-fire social critique punctuated with laughs, candid stories, and a guest (Erica Rhodes) who skillfully matches Adam’s wit. Whether skewering modern gender norms, categorizing types of public outbursts, or reminiscing about family quirks and childhood rhymes, Adam and Erica hold up a funhouse mirror to contemporary American life—proving, as ever, that some things are just never very ladylike.

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For tour dates, Erica's comedy can be found at: ericarodescomedy.com
Adam’s upcoming shows: adamcarolla.com

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

Well, in this episode, Erica Rhodes is back. Very funny. Lovely comedian Dawson's doing news and we'll do that after this.

[Mike Dawson]

Adam Carolla returns to New York City Thursday, October 9th at Rodney Dangerfield's Comedy Club with Cat Timpf and Matt Friend. Two shows October 9th and then don't miss the Ace man in Pottstown, Pennsylvania on Friday, October 10th and Saturday, October 11th at SoulJols. Adam returns to Flappers in burbank on October tw 29th. Get tickets for these and every show at AdamCarolla.com.

[Adam Carolla]

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[Erica Rhodes]

Shopify's point of sale system helps you sell at every stage of your business. Need a fast and secure way to take payments in person? We've got you covered. How about card readers you can rely on anywhere you sell? Thanks. Have a good one. Yep, that too. Want one place to manage all your online and in person sales? That's kind of our thing wherever you sell. Businesses that grow grow with Shopify. Sign up for your $1 a month trial at shopify.com listen shopify.com listen.

[Adam Carolla]

From.

[Mike Dawson]

Corolla 1 Studios in Glendale, California, this is the Adam Carolla Show. Adam's guest today, E. Rhodes. Plus the news and trending topics with me, Mike Dawson and now star of Rage and Scream, Adam Carolla.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, get it on. Got to get it on. A choice, we get a mandate. Get it on. Erica Rhodes in studio. My English friends would say she's a bit of all right.

[Erica Rhodes]

Oh, I like that. Yes, a bit of a right.

[Adam Carolla]

She's got shows coming up all over the country. Laugh Boston, that'll be October 10th and 11th and New York City at the comedy festival. You go to ericarodescomedy.com, she's a very funny standup comedian, and most of you people probably know that. All right, Erica. Stuff to get into.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

You're a woman. I noticed that.

[Erica Rhodes]

How could you tell?

[Adam Carolla]

You're so dainty. I'm starting to think so. I've had theories, and I think women are going nuts. And they're really getting crazy. And they're fighting, and it's easy. So they're fighting in airports. They're fighting out front of ice facilities. They're like, they're going nuts. RFK Jr. We did his benefit.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

He comes out with a presser and goes, hey, don't take so much Tylenol. And then Trump says, don't take Tylenol. And then pregnant women film themselves gobbling up bottles of Tylenol because they're fucking nuts. They went nuts. We let women go nuts. Yeah, we did it. We let them go. We let.

[Erica Rhodes]

The men did it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, we let them go insane. And they. Insane. They went. And now they're going nuts. And I was like, I was sitting. I was watching SportsCenter last night, and I was watching WNBA versus NBA and NBA guys. You know, Michael Jordan, Larry Bird. Like, there's been trash talkers, and the game gets physical. Rarely is there a punch thrown. They don't throw punches because they realize who they are. You know what I mean? Like, Karl Malone, 69255, and built like a brick shithouse. If he punches somebody, he could really, you know, he'll fracture their orbital socket and be like, sued and stuff.

[Erica Rhodes]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So. But the women don't regulate as well. And I'm just watching this on SportsCenter, and they're just screaming at each other, like, the entire game. They're, like, up in each other's faces, like, and they're screaming so, like, unhinged. And then the coach comes out and does a presser, and she's like, cussing and screaming and throwing. Now, here's what I'm saying.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah, what's it from?

[Adam Carolla]

Men grow up regulating themselves because they grow up with rough and tumble play. They fight, they wrestle, they roughhouse. But when you roughhouse, you don't ball up your fist and just start punching a person. You get them, you know, you try to get them in a headlock and pin him down and stuff. But you sort of regulate, right? Women don't do the rough and tumble play, so they don't really know where.

[Erica Rhodes]

To begin and end, so they just start screaming.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's like men realize, like, a coach on a Pat Riley would go out there and have problems with the officiating, but he wouldn't just start yelling about shit because he'd get suspended, and he knows it.

[Erica Rhodes]

Mm.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, we'll listen to her, by the way. She's doing a presser and just dropping F bombs, which is another thing. I mean, she ended up getting suspended is what I'm saying, because she didn't think that going up there and just yelling a bunch of shit. You know what I mean? It's like the women, more so than men, like, their films of them. Like, in New York City after the attack, Hamas attack, whatever, and people were putting up pictures of hostages that were missing, you know, and then they walk up and they're tearing them down, and the people are filming them, and they're like, I don't care. Film all you. And they're like. And then later on, it turns out she works at the library, and she gets fired.

[Erica Rhodes]

Oh, my gosh.

[Adam Carolla]

She didn't care, but she should care.

[Erica Rhodes]

Right? So you think they're just unhinged?

[Adam Carolla]

There's a regulatory thing that's going on.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And we let it loosen. They're not regulated.

[Erica Rhodes]

But men develop later, too, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, that's what they say.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah. So maybe women go crazy later and men go crazy earlier, you know, because young men are still dysregulated, especially if they, you know, spend a lot of time online.

[Adam Carolla]

I would argue. Yes. Women, as men get older, they get saner and calmer, and women get crazier.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

That's my.

[Erica Rhodes]

Older. Women go crazy. And also, they're dealing with hormone changes. You know, like, this woman's probably going through menopause.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm sure she is. All right, well, let's play. Let's just play her.

[Erica Rhodes]

Let's give them some slack.

[Adam Carolla]

Play her clip.

[Erica Rhodes]

I want to call for a change.

[Adam Carolla]

Of leadership at the league level when.

[Erica Rhodes]

It comes to officiating. It's bad for the game.

[Adam Carolla]

The officiating crew that we had tonight, for the leadership to deem those three people semifinals, playoff worthy is malpractice. She dropped.

[Erica Rhodes]

Wait, just because she said the F word?

[Adam Carolla]

No, she dropped three in a short period of time. And also, no NBA coach would go out there and attack the crew. They would say they disagree, and they. Whatever. But they wouldn't go after the league and the officiating crew, because that will get you suspended.

[Erica Rhodes]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

And now she's suspended.

[Erica Rhodes]

Malpractice. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So. And there. And I was watching on sports, she dropped three F bombs, and then she ran out. She ran out onto the court. Needed to be restrained, I should say.

[Erica Rhodes]

Oh, really?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, yeah, it's awesome. She comes running out, her teammate has to. Team has to try to pull her off the thing. Yeah.

[Erica Rhodes]

Oh, my God. She's very aggressive.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You would never do that, Erica.

[Erica Rhodes]

No, I'm too timid.

[Adam Carolla]

You're too dainty.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah, I'm still. Yeah, I'm too ladylike.

[Adam Carolla]

You're ladylike. Now, this is an interesting thing that I brought up with Dr. Drew.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. You can stop that. But there's also the play, Andrew, where the women are just jawing at each other just like crazy, looking at each other's face. I have a theory, which is they used to say all throughout history, like, that's not very ladylike. That's not very ladylike, young lady. You're a young lady. It's not very lady. And they get them back. Maybe they knew something.

[Erica Rhodes]

Maybe they knew that they were going to be.

[Adam Carolla]

The bitches were crazy coming out 300 years ago, and they invented these things. Act like a young lady. That's not very ladylike. Because it's on now, is what I'm saying. Yeah, it's on.

[Erica Rhodes]

I do think it might be an age thing. Cause if you see the women going crazy, they're usually in their 50s, I think.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. But see, when I see women who were told they couldn't make their Frontier Airline flight, start pulling computers off at the airport and throwing at them, and the chicks at the Taco Bell when they're told they're out of hot sauce, start tearing the place apart. Those chicks are 19.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah, that's true.

[Adam Carolla]

I think everyone's gone.

[Erica Rhodes]

I had a run in with the barista at the Starbucks at an airport recently.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Erica Rhodes]

Where? I just asked, like, is my drink coming? And she got really mad at me. She kind of, like, glared at me, like, yes, it's here. You know, really aggressive. And then I get on my plane and I'm drinking my coffee, and I start feeling, like, a drip in my pants. There was a hole in the bottom of my coffee cup. And it just starts. It was like a torrential downpour of my coffee. And I was like, did she do that on purpose?

[Adam Carolla]

So this is an interesting thing. So you're at the airport.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Which one?

[Erica Rhodes]

I think it was Atlanta. Yeah, Atlanta, which is a really bad.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't want to airport a turn for the racial here, but is she a woman of color, that woman?

[Erica Rhodes]

I don't think so. She might have been mixed race, but I don't Think she was.

[Adam Carolla]

There's an airport situation. Let's see if we can sort this out. You are attractive, blond and white. So according to the steady diet that we've been feeding every young person.

[Erica Rhodes]

I'm a Karen.

[Adam Carolla]

You're kind of the enemy. Yeah, well, you had a lot of privilege.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Lots of privilege.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

And there is a phenomenon which I've. Which I experienced and experiencing, which is you take these young women, especially women of color, you feed them a steady diet on the. It's the male, it's a patriarchy, it's the heterosexual. I also have a target because I'm 6 foot tall or 6 foot 2, male, white, easily identified as a strong heterosexual. And I have money, so I'm part of the problem as well.

[Erica Rhodes]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

So now you have these young women of color who are fed this steady diet by all the fucking politicians about how we're the problem. And then you go to the airport and guess who's working the security line? They are. And now it's payback time because they're in charge. And there's a theme of that that I see a lot that you don't see. Like LAX has Atlanta, like Detroit, like, places like that. And so when you come to the Starbucks, and especially like, let's just say you're some dumpy fat chick. And also you have to work, you know, like you're not gonna be. You're nobody's trophy wife. Your fucking dad left when you were three and a half. You never fucking saw the guy again. You got a lot of weird rage percolating inside of you. And then somebody, a dainty little angel, a bit of all right, a cello playing, blonde haired little pixie comes up and says, excuse me, may I have more porridge? And then they fucking and she goes. Then they get triggered. They get triggered. Right? Yeah, I was.

[Erica Rhodes]

It's true. It felt like that. It felt like she was so angry. And all I asked, like I just asked is my drink, is it coming?

[Adam Carolla]

Right? So where's the anger from? It's from a million years ago where their dad left them or they got molested or they got abused or whatever it is. And then they started eating their feelings and now they're 100 pounds overweight. And then we take all these bitches and we put them right at the.

[Erica Rhodes]

Front at the airport.

[Adam Carolla]

We put them at the airport and they become. I had a Starbucks, I had a woman of color Starbucks I was going through, coming back from. I can't remember where it was. And I had a Starbucks that I bought on the way to the airport and you know, it was $8 worth of Starbucks and I come from poor stock and the one thing I can't do is like toss a smoothie or Starbucks or something like that. That's $11 worth of liquid, by the way. I to mow four lawns to get enough money to pay for one fucking Starbucks. Now when I was a kid and it's like, so I'm walking through the airport and the chick who checks the ID is at the front, she's way out there and then there's a long line and then you get to the metal detector and all that and I'm holding my star and they put a bunch of trash cans right before you get to the metal detector, toss your liquids and we're 100ft away and this is like a middle aged black woman and I'm drinking my Starbucks. I show her my id, whatever, and she goes, you want to throw that away right here? And I go, no, no, I still got half left. And she goes, you throw it away here. And I go, no, I'm just gonna sip on it in line and then I'll throw it away in the front. She goes, or you can throw it away here. And I go, I'm just gonna hang on to it until I get in the front. And she goes, well then get like an old time sharecropper, like I heard a shotgun pump in my head. Well then git. She yelled at me now. Okay, what's going on here? What's going. Rich guy, tall guy, white guy, the oppressor, the oppressor. Everybody look, if you're going to be Hitlerian or you're going to be the oppressor, then expect what comes your way.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Could be a bullet. Could be. Then get it. Could be whatever they got for you. If in fact you are the oppressor. Now as it turns out, I'm just a person who probably grew up poorer than her, who pays a shitload in taxes and just wants to get along.

[Erica Rhodes]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

That's who I am.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Not rich daddy.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah, but no projecting issues onto you.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, we're doing a nice job in society of trying to defy divide everyone into victim and oppressor. And I've been screaming it's a bad idea, stop doing it. Stop convincing everyone this is I'm the problem. Also, no Corolla ever owned a slave. They were never. Might come from hippie stock. Who would have marched with them? I come from the opposite of what they think I come from.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah, yeah, well, they don't know. Yeah. Now it's like they can profile you, but you can't profile them. So there's like, a real double standard happening.

[Adam Carolla]

I agree. All right. Andrew, you don't know what I'm asking you. I'm asking for the third time. The jawing on the court, the crazy jawing on the court. That's what I. No, I've been looking for it. It doesn't exist. It's the front of SportsCenter, which is. Which is weird. I don't know why. One chick makes a three, and the other starts screaming. Or maybe they scrub it. I don't.

[Erica Rhodes]

They took it off.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't. Probably are scrubbing it because there's a huge problem in the WNBA with 30 play. Specifically with Caitlin Clark. Yeah, but this isn't dirty play. This is just screaming. I'm not talking about a physical thing. I'm talking about screaming at each other. That's what I'm trying. I keep trying to put that. Not that. Well, It's a front. Like I said, it was on SportsCenter. But maybe they do. Maybe they should go. I mean, chicks just. They're in each other's faces just screaming.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And it's weird, but it's not very ladylike.

[Erica Rhodes]

No, but it's also not a ladylike sport. I mean, basketball.

[Adam Carolla]

That's not very ladylike.

[Erica Rhodes]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

I guess. What's a ladylike sport?

[Erica Rhodes]

Tennis.

[Adam Carolla]

Tennis.

[Erica Rhodes]

Tennis. Or volleyball, maybe. Although that's kind of aggressive. Sometimes volleyball, they can slam the ball. Really?

[Adam Carolla]

Maybe it was the night before. Andrew. Sorry. I could have been watching a day late. Could have been the night before Sports Center. But anyway, women are going nuts.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah. And we ever watch the Dallas cheerleader documentary?

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Erica Rhodes]

Those are kind of crazy ladies, the ones who run it.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Erica Rhodes]

Really, really intense.

[Adam Carolla]

But they're old school crazy.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah, they're old school. They don't scream at each other. They're actually ladylike. But they're running a cheer. I mean, cheerleaders are ladylike.

[Adam Carolla]

So here's my theory. My theory is we have a society that is built on a certain amount being able to absorb a certain amount of negativity. For instance, you know, I always would say to Drew, you know, I don't know what percent of society are criminals. You know, it's less than 1%. But the day it goes to 6%, there's nothing we can do. It's just wild in the streets. We're not gonna be able to protect ourselves if it gets to 5% of people are killers or criminals or whatever, you know? And I would describe our society as like the ocean. And the ocean can take raw sewage. It can take us dumping raw sewage into it, millions of gallons of raw sewage, but at a certain point, fish will start floating up. Like it can't absorb an infinite amount of raw sewage. Yeah, right. So our society was, like, good. It worked in the sense that half men, half women, and the men were the violent ones. They were putting their hands on people. They were fighting. They were doing all this stuff.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All the stuff we didn't want sort of came by the men. Almost a zero on the woman's side of the aisle. Like, when I was growing up.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, I made it till age 40. Never saw women physically fight. You know, I never experienced what you experience now. You see on the Internet, at the airport, they're screaming, they're tearing places up. Like, they're going. They're going nuts. Didn't exist. So now the men are still doing the shooting and the punching and the screaming, and they're doing all that. Now we have a percentage of women who are doing what the men were doing when I was growing up. And we, as a society, we're having trouble absorbing it because we didn't count on a large demographic of women participating in craziness.

[Erica Rhodes]

Right. But the women are just screaming, whereas the men are still pretty much the violent ones.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no. Women are fighting and throwing punches and tearing up.

[Erica Rhodes]

They're not shooting anybody. They're not shooting.

[Adam Carolla]

No, they're not. They've not. They're getting closer to the trans ones are. But I don't know if they were men or women. I can never figure out what they were. You know, who do we pin that one on? The trannies are shooting, but I think the shooting. The shooting will come next. We're getting. We're getting. Cause they're behind the men.

[Erica Rhodes]

Mm.

[Adam Carolla]

They'll evolve.

[Erica Rhodes]

My theory is that everything that's happening online, like, when it shifts into reality, that's when it gets really dangerous. You know, like when you think you can cancel someone online and then you bring it into reality, it's a different situation. Right. Like.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well. What? I totally agree. Well, there's also a thing, which is lack of religion, so people don't have meaning anymore. And then there's, like, a poll. I guess we should have saw this one coming. But, like, it's. You know, these are older polls, but they asked people, and that's probably a higher percentage of women. Like, who would you save a drowning Stranger or your dog if it was drowning. And they all go, my dog? And it's like, well, then you can put a bullet in someone a lot easier than I could.

[Erica Rhodes]

That's true.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, if you think about that.

[Erica Rhodes]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so I want to throw another female theory out. I'm looking at all.

[Erica Rhodes]

I feel like I have to defend my gender.

[Adam Carolla]

Defend your gender. So I'm seeing all these women online going nuts. And they're all down at the ICE facility screaming and yelling, yelling at the. They're yelling at the ICE officials and blah, blah, blah, officers and everything else. And they're all kind of going. And they got tattoos and earrings, they got nasal piercings and stuff. People are going nuts. And then I went back and I saw a video and I liked it. Andrew. I just didn't tell you about it. Cups a day, they are so old. But it was like 1968 and it was like, women, a young lady does this and then a young lady does that. And it was like our 60s, 50s version of like a woman. And then at some point she marries a man and she cooks and keeps him happy and she raises children and they choose to work part time, you know, like. And I thought, yeah, that's what it was. And then I had this thought. My mom was kind of, I would call embarrassing that way. Like, not a traditional house, not this. So I'll play you 30 seconds of this, but it's from 67. And it's about gender roles. But here's what I'm saying. What I'm saying is my mom was a fucking mess. And now she would fit right in. Right back then she stood out. As in, what the fuck's wrong with your mom right now? She'd be cool.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And then I wouldn't get so much shit. So it's kind of a timing thing. It's kind of like being bald. Is it good? Is it bad? Well, if you're fucking bald in 1965, you're a weirdo. And now you're Michael Jordan, Right? So is it good or is it bad? I'll play it. Turn it up. Here she is.

[Mike Dawson]

She is single and fun loving.

[Adam Carolla]

She's dancing. Pretty ladylike. Very ladylike.

[Erica Rhodes]

A little. A little unhinged.

[Adam Carolla]

She's on the spectrum.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Engaged.

[Erica Rhodes]

Wow. Big hands. These are really big hands.

[Adam Carolla]

She is newly married.

[Erica Rhodes]

Seems nuts.

[Adam Carolla]

And not so newly married now.

[Erica Rhodes]

She's really old.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they jumped.

[Erica Rhodes]

She went from like 20 to like 80.

[Adam Carolla]

They were going sequentially and then they skipped 60 years. She has no Children.

[Erica Rhodes]

Oh, she's a spinster.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, wait a minute.

[Erica Rhodes]

This is like me.

[Adam Carolla]

She has one shot.

[Erica Rhodes]

Oh. Child just appeared out of nowhere. Really talking to him.

[Mike Dawson]

She has many.

[Erica Rhodes]

Where did they come from?

[Adam Carolla]

Her vagine.

[Erica Rhodes]

Oh, my God. She just had six children.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. All right. She even has grandchildren.

[Erica Rhodes]

What? How did. How is she 20 and 80?

[Adam Carolla]

She's cooking.

[Mike Dawson]

Maybe exclusively a homemaker.

[Adam Carolla]

Exclusively a homemaker.

[Erica Rhodes]

I love that title. And she knows how to type.

[Mike Dawson]

They hold a part time job.

[Adam Carolla]

Part time. All right, you could pause it. The point is, is when everyone was normal, my mom was abnormal. And then I got a bunch of shit for it.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And now your mom can be a freak show. I mean, your mom can be a tatted up lesbian and you wouldn't get any shit.

[Erica Rhodes]

You know, my grandma was an aeronautical engineer.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah, during World War II. She was very smart, so I don't think she was a homemaker type.

[Adam Carolla]

Was she ladylike?

[Erica Rhodes]

A little bit. She was a little eccentric. She was eccentric? I'm not sure. Somewhere in New Jersey, I think.

[Adam Carolla]

But she must have worked for Northrop or Grumman or some place like that. Like a manufacturer.

[Erica Rhodes]

Someone who manufactured aircraft. Yeah. And there weren't that many women doing that. It was during the war, so, yeah. Needed some smart women.

[Adam Carolla]

But my mom was early money on not shaving the pits.

[Erica Rhodes]

Oh, really? She was a hippie lady.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Erica Rhodes]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

And my buddy Ray, like, came over one day and my mom's just wearing some sleeveless thing with her armpit hair. And my brother's like, what's wrong with your mom? I'm like, I don't know.

[Erica Rhodes]

Do you think your mom, she's got.

[Adam Carolla]

All the fucking Harry Pitts hanging out. I'm like, yeah, okay. See, now it'd be cool.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah. Now she'd be progressive.

[Adam Carolla]

She's on the vanguard, Ray, don't you know? Were you on vanguard? And by the way, Ray couldn't ask that question now. Cause he'd get into trouble, right? Yeah.

[Erica Rhodes]

Did he think it was hot?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it was hot outside and so the hair was sticking and matted. No, no. He fucking was making fun of me. And I was embarrassed cause I didn't know what to say.

[Mike Dawson]

Like.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, she's obviously. She's not the lady from the commercial, right.

[Erica Rhodes]

Did she wear dresses or pants or what? Did she dress like?

[Adam Carolla]

She wasn't lady.

[Erica Rhodes]

She was like a trucker lady.

[Adam Carolla]

She. No, she just. She just kind of threw in the towel aesthetically, like probably at some point. Yeah. They just went, screw it. Like, what are we doing here?

[Erica Rhodes]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Like, what do I have to prove? Screw Ray.

[Erica Rhodes]

What did your dad think of that?

[Adam Carolla]

He just left, so I don't. That's what he thought.

[Erica Rhodes]

I guess that's what happens.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what happened.

[Erica Rhodes]

Stop shaving.

[Adam Carolla]

Not very ladylike.

[Erica Rhodes]

My mom's pretty ladylike.

[Adam Carolla]

She is, Yeah.

[Erica Rhodes]

I would describe her as ladylike. She's very pristine. Like everything's very put together.

[Adam Carolla]

I like those people on one hand. On the other hand, I think, what are you hiding?

[Erica Rhodes]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

What are you hiding there?

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah. That's what I want.

[Adam Carolla]

You family's accomplished, right?

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah. My mom's a violinist.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Erica Rhodes]

And my dad passed away. But he was a CPA at Ernst and Young.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. So you have like. I mean, no wonder the Starbucks bitch hates you. You deserve it. I don't. I come from hippie flop stock. Poor person. Shit. I don't deserve this shit.

[Erica Rhodes]

That's true. And then you can't tell though, by looking at you.

[Adam Carolla]

I know. Cause I look so put together.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah. They don't know how hard you had to work to get where you are.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Well, because they've been fed a steady diet that I didn't because of the patriarchy and I'm white and whatever. It's who you know. And daddy's money and all that shit they invented, which just serves to make them angrier. And by the way, you are holding them back because they're angry and they have trouble with, like, authority and they tell their boss to fuck off a lot and they get fired and then they don't get to where they want to go.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah, well, yeah, they're just perpetual victims, basically.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so we don't have all that crazy jawing. I'm gonna. I will film it off my TV set. Cause it's in my queue. And I'll bring it in tomorrow if someone reminds me. Simplisafe. Well, you ever wonder if your security system is really security? I mean, I just saw a video. An arsonist tries torching a family's house. Simply safe. Well, it would stop that guy cold. Right then, before the flames start, you can hear the monitoring agent on the phone with the dispatch. Total pro. Not sleeping on the job. Most systems, well, they wait until someone's already inside. And that's too late by then because it's going to take a while for the fuzz to show up. Simplisafes different. Their AI powered cameras catch threats before they cross the line. And that means in your home, real agents confront the intruder, yelling over Speakers sounding sirens, making it clear they're being watched and police are coming. That's security before the crime, not after. I trust Simplisafe to protect my home, my family, and everything that matters. It is SimpliSafe Two Eyes in there, right, Dawson?

[Mike Dawson]

You can get 50% off your new SimpliSafe system with professional monitoring and your first month [e-mail] Adam. Just head to simplisafe.com Adam to claim your discount and make sure your home is safe this year. Keep your home, your family, and your peace of mind protected with Simplisafe. There's no safe like SimpleLife.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

This September, CBS Hits are streaming free on Pluto TV.

[Erica Rhodes]

I'm coming in hot.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

For this month only, you can watch full seasons of the CBS shows you love, from the courtroom drama of Matlock to the heroics of Fire Country. Go back to where it all began in NCIS origins, or watch the hilarious hauntings of ghosts, all for free. Full seasons of the CBS shows you love this month only on Pluto tv. Stream now. Pay never.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's see. So here's a question, a hypothetical for everybody. The women and the men are going batshit crazy with all this ice stuff, and they're out front of the detention center in Portland and they're screaming. And also they're screaming like, shoot them. Shoot ice, guys. You know, like when we'll play a little. And then ice is tackling them and they're standing in front of them and screaming, oh, my God, I have Gestapo.

[Erica Rhodes]

Paying attention to this.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll show you.

[Erica Rhodes]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

20 seconds of it. I also. I love it when they tackle someone and the person bellows. That's my favorite. My favorite part. They're grabbing people.

[Erica Rhodes]

Is this in Portland?

[Adam Carolla]

Dragging them back? I think it. I think it's. I think it's in Portland. So let me ask. Yeah, let me ask a hypothetical. You can pause.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So it's pretty much if you're an ICE official now, you just have crazy people yell, die.

[Mike Dawson]

Call you Hitler.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, there. I mean, Andrew can find it, but they were chanting, shoot ice. The day after somebody shot up an ice facility. There was like, a shoot ice chance going on. But here's what I want to say to all the people. And it's the same people who claimed the capitol police from January 6th were permanently traumatized because they had to push against those dudes carrying the American flag and scuffle with them and talked about the deep psychological damage and then blamed any suicide from one of them on that event. Do you not have any compassion for these people or do you have any thoughts? Cuz this, by the way, this is ongoing. The Capitol Police trauma was for three hours one day. And that wasn't all of them. Half of them were giving them escorts through the Capitol. So that was fine. This is all day, every day being doxed. Having politicians call you Gestapo. Would there be any long term psychological damage? Folks on the left who are arguing that with the Capitol Police or we onto something else there? Or did you ever believe it in the first place? Here it is. Sorry.

[Erica Rhodes]

What the heck? So crazy.

[Adam Carolla]

Shoot Ice. Sounds like a malt beverage, you know that like, like made for like black.

[Mike Dawson]

People after a long day. I like it. Shoot Ice. Shoot Ice.

[Adam Carolla]

Shoot Eyes. Right. Ice Cube spokesperson.

[Mike Dawson]

I used to drink Colt 45.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. It starts with, it starts with that good commercial motif where Ice Cubes on stage and he goes, thank you Atlanta. And they show him walk off and someone puts a towel on him and hands him.

[Mike Dawson]

You've tried shoot, but have you tried Shoot Eyes?

[Adam Carolla]

Shoot Eyes? Have you ever seen a commercial? There was a Colt 45 commercial with Billy Dee Williams, who was a hammer and he had a desk drawer in his office above the club that was made for drinking. You ever see that commercial?

[Erica Rhodes]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

He had a custom drinking desk made like a drawer. Hammer. There was Hammer who was a professional football player and then there was Billy dee. But anyways, Colt 45. All right, so here's what I'm saying.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

If you are part of the January 6th committee and you're all those politicians and your claim is that the Capitol Police suffered irreparable long term damage, psychological damage from this afternoon, this one time afternoon event where they had to scuffle with fellow citizens, then why no sympathy for the other law enforcement, ICE people that are having this as an ongoing daily battle. And then why are you calling them Gestapo and wanting them to unmask so they can be docs and put their family. Isn't that an inconsistent thought is what I'm saying. So there's two separate entities.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

There's the Capitol Police, they're on our side.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Then there's ice, there's Immigration Customs Enforcement.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

They're on our side as well. They're both American entities that protect us.

[Erica Rhodes]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

One of them you have great sympathy for and worry much about their psychological, where they would land psychologically and the deep emotional scars that would happen if one afternoon other Americans battled with them. But the other entity, ice, they battle on a daily basis with fellow Americans. And you Call them Nazis and want them to have their mask taken off.

[Erica Rhodes]

Oh, my God.

[Adam Carolla]

And so do you have sympathy for folks who work in law enforcement for this country? And the answer is no.

[Erica Rhodes]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

You conveniently use one side to try to make a retarded point and then have no thoughts about the other side. The men and women who work for ICE who you're literally putting in danger because you're telling them to de. Mask themselves. So that's a completely inconsistent thought. And by the way, it's all the same people that were 100% on Capitol Police and what the deep ramifications, psychologically, of what happened on January 6th, who are constantly throwing the ice officers under the bus.

[Erica Rhodes]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

So if you talk to Gavin Newsom, Gavin Newsom would say, those men, those brave men and women trying to protect are deeply scarred and psychological. Having to do battle, fellow American, all that. And then if you asked about ice, he'd say, gestapo, take D, mask them.

[Erica Rhodes]

Well, is it a difference between the federal government and then the local government? Is that what. Like, they're upset with just the federal government? Because does the ICE work for the larger scale government versus, like, localized?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, as far as what Gavin Newsom thinks or who's upset.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, no, they're upset when they're trying to make a case.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Like January 6th, then they're upset.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Now they're trying to make another case. And then they're not upset because the case is the other direction.

[Erica Rhodes]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

So on January 6th, it's all the Capitol Police are heroes, and it's the Trump supporters that are the enemy. And now all the migrants are the heroes, and the officials, the ICE officials, are the enemy.

[Erica Rhodes]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

And Trump sent them.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So they're gonna do the opposite argument.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah. So it's whatever serves their needs, basically.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, let's put it to this agenda. I'm gonna ask you, Dawson, and if you had a son in law enforcement. Now, if your son's in law enforcement, you hope they never fire their gun, and you hope they never are attacked or doxxed or whatever. You hope they make it all the way through their career, like Jimmy's Uncle Frank. New York cop, never arrested anyone, never did anything, just walked around. Okay, so this is your son. Would you rather your son have a bad afternoon on the Capitol? Meaning three or four hours of pushing and shoving somebody calling him stuff? By the way, if he's part of the Capitol Police, he may have gotten lucky and been the ones that were given the tours on the rotunda. Dawson. He may not Be in the fray. But that day, that afternoon, pushing and scuffling with other unarmed, clearly unarmed Americans with Trump hats and American flags, or ice work in LA or Portland or Chicago on a daily, being spat upon, attacked by antifa, and they're shooting into the facility. So in terms of your son, which would you prefer?

[Mike Dawson]

I would certainly worry less if they were Capitol Police.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Yes, you would. Yes.

[Mike Dawson]

And after a long day of keeping protesters out of the Capitol, we go home and cracking ice cold. Shoot ice.

[Adam Carolla]

Shoot ice. Gotta help stuff to shoot eyes. And remember, you gotta enjoy it responsibly. I like when they say that.

[Mike Dawson]

You gotta enjoy it responsibly. Yeah, you can hate it irresponsibly all you want. This shit sucks. I'm gonna drink like 50 of them. But if you're enjoying it responsibly.

[Adam Carolla]

I. It's a big day around here.

[Erica Rhodes]

It is.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Erica Rhodes]

What is it?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I installed over the weekend, my urinal sink.

[Erica Rhodes]

Wow. Congratulations.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Erica Rhodes]

How does that feel?

[Adam Carolla]

Like a million bucks.

[Erica Rhodes]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a sink on top, urinal on the bottom. It's kind of the mullet of bathroom fixtures, you know?

[Erica Rhodes]

Do most people have one of those?

[Adam Carolla]

Nobody has, no.

[Erica Rhodes]

But I was like, that sounds. Yeah, that sounds like privilege.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's. That's my white privilege.

[Erica Rhodes]

That's definitely privileged.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. It sat. It got delivered months ago. It sat in the back of the warehouse. And over the weekend, I finally said, let's install this bad boy.

[Erica Rhodes]

Does it help your lifestyle, do you feel?

[Adam Carolla]

I've not broken it in yet. Oh, we're having a ribbon cutting ceremony. That's that. The ribbon is that wisp of paper that they put around the toilet in the toilet seat at bad hotels. And we're going to cut that on a plane. Yeah, we'll do a photo op. You can be in on it.

[Erica Rhodes]

I can't wait.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So it's a little unorthodox a thing. It was kind of weird installation. Plumbing is tough.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah. And you did it yourself?

[Adam Carolla]

No, I had my guys over here and I sort of did it with them. I'm sort of what they call the maestro.

[Erica Rhodes]

Oh, wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Maybe the hefe.

[Erica Rhodes]

Sounds all like white privilege.

[Adam Carolla]

I had to figure it out. We all did it together, got it mounted up. It's a weird sort of. Certain things are a little more straightforward than others. This was not straightforward, but we got it figured out.

[Erica Rhodes]

Put together an IKEA bed.

[Adam Carolla]

I will just tell you that. IKEA. There's IKEA and IKEA's like, here's what you do. Here's the instructions. A, B, C, D. You go through, take it slow. You can do it. Then there are other things that are like. There is no bracket or mount or screw. You have to kind of improvise, figure it out, do it yourself. But if you do enough of it, you can figure it out. So I just tried to use it before I came in here, and it didn't seem to drain properly. So I don't know where I'm at with it now.

[Erica Rhodes]

Oh, shoot. That's a problem.

[Adam Carolla]

It could be a problem, but we will fix it. But the point is, it's a sink on the top that drains into a urinal.

[Erica Rhodes]

But the draining is the problem.

[Adam Carolla]

There was an issue.

[Erica Rhodes]

Just have a sink full of urine.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no. You pee in the urinal.

[Erica Rhodes]

Okay. And the sink is just above it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Erica Rhodes]

You can't, like, picture what it looks like. You don't have a picture.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, there's a sink.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

And it's as one attached to a urinal above it.

[Erica Rhodes]

Right. Okay. Why did you want this?

[Adam Carolla]

Because I wanted a urinal.

[Erica Rhodes]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

But that bathroom didn't have a sink, and I wanted a sink and a urinal. And also, I never understood why we wasted so much water flushing urinals.

[Erica Rhodes]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

And then washing the sink. You should. One should be able to pee in the urinal and then wash your hands right above it. Right above it.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah, I can see that.

[Adam Carolla]

And have it drained down. I think Andrew took a picture of it. I don't know if it's drained yet. Oh, no, I'll figure it out. I'll figure it out if it hasn't drained it. No, it's not drained yet.

[Erica Rhodes]

Is that yours?

[Adam Carolla]

That's my whiz.

[Erica Rhodes]

Oh, my God.

[Adam Carolla]

Has it drained at all? Because I put some water in it to try to. How did he get that picture? I just took that picture five seconds ago. No draining. But damn it.

[Erica Rhodes]

Is this in the office? Is this here?

[Adam Carolla]

This is feet away from you, my lady.

[Erica Rhodes]

Oh, my God. Not ladylike.

[Adam Carolla]

Not ladylike.

[Erica Rhodes]

I am not going into that bathroom.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know why the hell it didn't drain, but I gotta figure that out now.

[Erica Rhodes]

It looks like it's not elevated. It looks like the drainage isn't. There's nowhere for it to go.

[Adam Carolla]

There's place for it to go. It's a drain. It's not draining. All right, here's what I need you to do, my lady. Get that wet dry shop vac and clean that out so we can have a look, see what's going on in there?

[Erica Rhodes]

This is a man's job for sure, man.

[Adam Carolla]

Dreams dashed. I put this thing up, and I said, you know, I'm gonna let all the silicone dry. And I came in to finally break. Break it in this morning, and no can do.

[Erica Rhodes]

Disappointment.

[Adam Carolla]

Disappointment. Please.

[Erica Rhodes]

I'm sorry. Yep, it looks tragic.

[Adam Carolla]

That's all right. I'm gonna troubleshoot it, and I'm gonna figure it out. So how about that?

[Erica Rhodes]

All right. I believe in you.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so let's see. What did I want to get into with you? What do you got? What do you want to talk about?

[Erica Rhodes]

Well, I broke my toe.

[Adam Carolla]

You broke your toe?

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah, it was my first bone break.

[Adam Carolla]

How'd you do that?

[Erica Rhodes]

I kicked my coffee table, and it's the dumbest thing I've ever done because I've never broken any bone.

[Adam Carolla]

Never broke a bone?

[Erica Rhodes]

No, I was just multitasking. I was drinking my coffee, talking on the phone, and just banged it.

[Adam Carolla]

Barefoot?

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah, barefoot. And you can't do anything about it. They're just like. You just wait it out. Yeah, there's nothing. And then I got X rays, and I went to my doctor, and the whole time it was just like, yep, it's broken. They don't do anything.

[Adam Carolla]

Just the metal leg that went down to the floor is what you kicked.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah, it's not. It wasn't even metal. It's like wood.

[Mike Dawson]

Really?

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah. I don't know how I hid it in a place that just broke a bone.

[Adam Carolla]

Which toe?

[Erica Rhodes]

The fourth one. The one that, you know, like, got nothing.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, this little piggy went to the market.

[Erica Rhodes]

This little piggy got roast beef.

[Adam Carolla]

This little piggy.

[Erica Rhodes]

This little piggy got none. It's that one.

[Adam Carolla]

That is the least creative children's limerick ever.

[Erica Rhodes]

Except it's cute that it's about toes. You know, it's kind of cute to personify toes or piggy, but it's so.

[Adam Carolla]

It's so boring.

[Erica Rhodes]

It is boring.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean?

[Erica Rhodes]

This little piggy went to market. This little piggy.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, yeah, okay, but the point is, they had assignments. This little piggy went to market, and this little piggy went home. And this little pig had roast beef. And then this little piggy should have had pheasant or chicken, Right? Or tofurkey or something.

[Erica Rhodes]

But this is, like, got none.

[Adam Carolla]

But I mean, you know what? It's like, It'd be like if I went like, hey, I'm putting a group together. I'm calling them the Spice Girls, and we got Posh Spice over there and Baby Spice over there and Sporty Spice. And then that one who's just Spice. You know, kind of nothing.

[Erica Rhodes]

Don't even worry about it.

[Adam Carolla]

Not Sports Spice. That's what that one is. And then someone would go like, well, give it a fucking name. Give it something to do.

[Erica Rhodes]

I know.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I'm gonna start a band called the Village People. We got a cop over there. We got a construction worker over there. We got a guy who works for the phone company over there. And then there's Stan. He's just wearing Dockers. He's just a dude. We'll give him a fucking job.

[Erica Rhodes]

I know.

[Adam Carolla]

Nobody does that. The Village People Spice. They all have a. They all have a role and a title.

[Erica Rhodes]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

And a moniker.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

It's not a. Well, what's this Spice Girl do? She gets none of that. She does nothing. She does nothing. She stands in between Sporty and Posh. Just kind of stands. Whoever crafted this, I know.

[Erica Rhodes]

You should research who wrote. Who wrote that?

[Adam Carolla]

It's always German and weird and old.

[Erica Rhodes]

Do you think there's a hidden meaning to it? Like, are they. Were they soldiers or something?

[Adam Carolla]

This little piggy went to the market, and also, he went home. I'm also like, I always wonder how this stuff gets off the ground.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah. Cause they stay around forever.

[Adam Carolla]

Everyone has to repeat it.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. And so what I'm saying is, I always feel that way. Like when UPS had the what can brown do for you? I never get why that stuff doesn't get shot down immediately. They're in some office and they're on Madison Avenue, and it's like, hey, Ted, I got a killer one. You know the UPS account. I think I got it. What can brown do for you? And I don't know why everyone goes, bob, that sucked. What else you got?

[Erica Rhodes]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

That's fucking retarded. Sounds like shit. It literally reminds me of shit. So anyway, let's work on some good ideas. How about that?

[Erica Rhodes]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

How does it get all the way past the thing? And so. So what I'm saying is, like, this little piggy. Like, somebody went. I got a great idea for a kid's nursery rhyme. What is it? This little piggy went to Mars. Yeah. This little piggy went home. This little piggy had roast beef. I'm listening. This little piggy had none. Okay, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about, but don't ever say it again because it sounds retarded. You sound like a fucking retard. Do you understand? Nobody's Gonna ever repeat that?

[Erica Rhodes]

What?

[Adam Carolla]

Ever again.

[Erica Rhodes]

What was the Pinky Toad do again? It runs all the way home. All the way home.

[Adam Carolla]

But wait, this little piggy one tomorrow. Yeah, this little pig. We already had a piggy that went home, right?

[Erica Rhodes]

Wait, this little piggy. This little piggy went to the market. This little piggy went home. So then where does it run? And then it runs all the way home again.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a different piggy. Wow. This is so bankrupt of any creativity at all.

[Erica Rhodes]

The only thing I like about it is that it's about the toes. I think that's cute, you know, but, yeah, it is pretty boring.

[Adam Carolla]

You do? Let's get a clean version of you doing this little piggy because I feel like some of my listeners would appreciate it.

[Erica Rhodes]

Do they have the. Oh, this little piggy went to market. This little piggy stayed home. This little piggy had roast beef. This little piggy had none. This little piggy cried, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, all the way home.

[Adam Carolla]

And then you tickle somebody, go, origins, 1728. The village idiot scrolled this down in a piece of fucking bark in between molesting kids. Jesus fucking Christ. Why do we know this origins? Can you read what the origins are? 1728.

[Erica Rhodes]

Did it say something about Tommy Thumb's little storybook published in London in this book? So it's from a book. The full rhyme continued to appear as slight variations in many late 18th and early 19th century collections.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what it's for, little pigs? I'll tell you what it's for. I'll tell you what little kids love, because my kids loved this shit when they were little.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

A weird anticipation and a little delayed gratification.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah, well, they like the tickle part.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, Tickle, tickle. They like the build part. Yes, yes, they love. You know, my kids used to love to play stinky foot.

[Erica Rhodes]

What's stinky foot?

[Adam Carolla]

I would smell their foot and go, ooh, stinky foot. But the part they liked about it the best, the part my daughter was, like, a little more advanced. My son was just a sack of flour, just kind of, you know, just like hung on in stuff. But my daughter was like, a little more up in her head, you know? And after a while, you can't just do stinky foot. Like, you can't just grab their foot and smell it and go, oh, dinky.

[Erica Rhodes]

Foot, stinky foot, right?

[Adam Carolla]

My daughter, I would have to smell her foot and I'd go. I'd go, we're gonna play smelly urinal when we're done. Yes, we are.

[Erica Rhodes]

Gross.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, dinky pot. Gross. My daughter, I haven't had this thought in a million years. I would smell her foot, and I go, huh? Nothing. I mean, I guess she must have shot.

[Erica Rhodes]

Oh.

[Adam Carolla]

And she wanted to build. She wanted to build up the surprise, too.

[Erica Rhodes]

The surprise.

[Adam Carolla]

She knew the next time I did it, I would do it same thing again where I'd go, hey, I don't know. I just. Not. No, no problem. Aw, she loved that. Now, my son, he really couldn't, like. He just wanted the stinky foot. So what they Is this little piggy one to the tension build. Yes. They know the wee, wee, wee, wee.

[Erica Rhodes]

Wee thing is coming. Yeah, they like. Yeah, exactly. They like the payoff. And they don't have to wait that long either.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Erica Rhodes]

My favorite game as a kid.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, like, stinky foot. That's almost immediate payday.

[Erica Rhodes]

I played a lost little kitty. That was my favorite game as a kid, where I would hide in the hamper. And then I go, meow, meow, meow, meow. My mom would have to go, oh, is this little kitty lost?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh.

[Erica Rhodes]

And then she'd have to take care of me and serve me milk. And then I would lap it up with my tongue.

[Adam Carolla]

Really? I would do that, except my mom wouldn't look for me. She'd go, I'm gonna go. Not shave my armpits and blow a joint out on the patio.

[Mike Dawson]

My dad had a game called hide and go sleep.

[Adam Carolla]

You go hide. I'm gonna take a nap.

[Erica Rhodes]

My mom would get so bored of it. Cause I loved repetition at that age. So I would keep doing it over and over. So eventually she'd just, like, lose the acting. She'd just be like, oh, lost kitty. Oh, oh, here's some milk. And I didn't care.

[Adam Carolla]

And you drink it like a little kitty.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah, I would lap it up with my tongue.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you have a cat?

[Erica Rhodes]

I had a neighbor cat that I basically pretended was my cat. His name was Whiskey, and he would meet me at my bus stop and everything.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah. He was like my best friend when I was, like, 10.

[Adam Carolla]

We had a neighbor cat. I had a neighbor cat, too.

[Erica Rhodes]

What was his name?

[Adam Carolla]

Norman.

[Erica Rhodes]

Norman.

[Adam Carolla]

He just sort of arrived.

[Erica Rhodes]

What did he look like?

[Adam Carolla]

He was just a pure outdoor alley cat dude. And my. We had a den. We had one air conditioner, like a window mount. Kind of old school.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah, yeah, we had that too.

[Adam Carolla]

And it would sit in my stepdad's room, which was his bedroom, which was also where the TV was. It was close quarters. I mean, could you imagine. Imagine a world where your stepdad has a separate room than your mom.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

He doesn't sleep in that room.

[Erica Rhodes]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

He sleeps separate.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Cause that's weirder, you know, More stuff for Ray to make fun of, right?

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

But the house only has one bedroom, so the separate room is the den.

[Erica Rhodes]

Oh, was there a bed in there? Like, where was he sleeping?

[Adam Carolla]

There's only one tv and there's only one air conditioner, and it's the San Fernando Valley. So during the summer, you'd all have to sit in my stepdad's bedroom and watch the black and white TV with the air conditioner going.

[Erica Rhodes]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

And we would sit on my stepdad's bed, which was like a sofa bed, like what the Brady Bunch had in their family room or something. Like, you take the one big pillow off, and that was his bed. He didn't have a bed. Well, we sat on his bed. And by the way, we ate TV dinners on his bed watching tv. And then he would go to bed where our asses and Salisbury steak were.

[Erica Rhodes]

Why didn't he sleep with your mom?

[Adam Carolla]

Cause everything had to be weird.

[Erica Rhodes]

Armpit hair.

[Adam Carolla]

Armpit hair.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah. My parents were weird too. Cause my dad, you know, was in a wheelchair. So he had a separate room downstairs.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Erica Rhodes]

Towards the end. Not my whole life, but yeah, towards the end, when he was, like, more disabled. So they renovated that. They renovated our den into a handicap accessible.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Erica Rhodes]

Bedroom for him.

[Adam Carolla]

That's nice.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Did he have one of those stair rail elevator things? Had a lift.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah, we had a ramp. Yeah. A lift. Yeah. And sometimes it would get stuck once in a while.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you ride on it ever?

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah, I think I rode on it when we first got it.

[Adam Carolla]

So when we discovered Norman. We discovered Norman because we would all sit. My stepdad's bed room, couch, watch TV with the air conditioning rattling in this little room. And the air conditioner had these, like, plastic accordion things. Because the air conditioner is, you know, 22 inches wide.

[Erica Rhodes]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

The average window's 32 or 36, but maybe it's 44. So you have this accordion plastic thing. You'd pull out and you'd nail it to the side of the jam. Well, of course, the thing was, like, sunblasted and heat cycled, and it blew out the accordion.

[Erica Rhodes]

Oh, geez.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. So now it's open air.

[Erica Rhodes]

Oh, no.

[Adam Carolla]

To the outside. So you can't have that. But you could also not properly repair it. God forbid that happened.

[Erica Rhodes]

You just had A broken air conditioner?

[Adam Carolla]

No, the air conditioner works.

[Erica Rhodes]

Oh, good.

[Adam Carolla]

But it's open to the outside.

[Erica Rhodes]

I see. But normal air's coming in.

[Adam Carolla]

That is true. But that was fixed.

[Erica Rhodes]

Oh.

[Adam Carolla]

Because my mom saved part of the jean leg from a cutoff jeans and then thumbtacked it where the flap was.

[Erica Rhodes]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

So he had a flap of denim jean.

[Erica Rhodes]

Are you serious?

[Adam Carolla]

Didn't really fit right. But then at some point, Norman realized that was like a doggie door.

[Erica Rhodes]

Oh, my God.

[Adam Carolla]

For a kitty.

[Erica Rhodes]

And would just come in.

[Adam Carolla]

It'd be like 4fe off the ground. You'd just be watching TV, and there, Norm would pop up.

[Erica Rhodes]

That's so cute.

[Adam Carolla]

Through the flap, you know? And he'd hang out for a while. You'd give him some food, and then he'd pop out through the flap again.

[Erica Rhodes]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

The gene flap. That was his dorm.

[Erica Rhodes]

Like your cat.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Erica Rhodes]

He became your cat.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Erica Rhodes]

That's cute. And then how did he. Did he die when you were young or.

[Adam Carolla]

He was very affectionate and sweet and everything else. And then one day, kittens. A litter of kittens popped up.

[Erica Rhodes]

Oh, my God.

[Adam Carolla]

Down the street. And we went over there and we got a kitten and brought the kitten back. Oh.

[Erica Rhodes]

Was it his kitten or. I mean, not. Like, did.

[Adam Carolla]

No. Sometimes there's other cats who have sex and. Yeah. No, not his kitten. Litter of kittens from down the street. But he wasn't involved.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah. Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't think so. That's a good question. I don't know.

[Erica Rhodes]

You didn't know who the father was.

[Adam Carolla]

So went and got a free kitten from a box. It was like, a box of kittens. And the kitten came home, and the kitten got all the attention. And Norman went on a strike after that.

[Erica Rhodes]

Really?

[Adam Carolla]

He literally did something I never heard a cat do. Really? It's like if you'd go to pet him, he'd go, like. He would fucking growl at anyone who came next to him. He hated this cat.

[Erica Rhodes]

Oh, he's jealous.

[Adam Carolla]

Totally jealous. Total boycott. Wouldn't let you pet him or touch him or he came in, he'd eat your food, and he'd fucking leave and tell you to fuck off.

[Erica Rhodes]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

And he was mean and he was ornery, and. And you couldn't get near him. And then at some point, I moved out and took the kit, took the other cat with me. And then Norman went right back to normal.

[Erica Rhodes]

Really?

[Adam Carolla]

Yep.

[Erica Rhodes]

So he was jealous.

[Adam Carolla]

He had, like, six years of being a total douche.

[Erica Rhodes]

Oh, my gosh.

[Adam Carolla]

Yep. All right, Dawson, you got the news. We'll take a quick break. Come back with the news right after this. O'Reilly Auto Parts man, O'Reilly Auto Parts, you know the jingle. You also know the guys over there and the gals. They take care of business. They keep your car on the road so you don't end up stuck on the shoulder looking like a dope. Friendly, helpful service people who actually know their stuff, not just some kid who'd rather be on the phone or playing video games or something. These guys know their parts. I've been to quite a few of them over here in Southern California and they don't just have seat warmers over there. They have folks that actually know their business and they know your car. Thousands of parts and accessories stocked in store also online so you don't have to panic when the check engine light pops up. Need wiper swap brake light out. These pros can help you find what you need, hook you up. And if you need, they'll hook you up the local shop that'll do it. Or you can DIY it yourself. So whether you're a gearhead or you don't know a lug from a donut, they'll walk you through it. No attitude, just real help, old school style. Stop by O'Reilly Auto Parts today or you can visit us online@o'reillyauto.com Adam that's o'reillyauto.com Adam.

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[Erica Rhodes]

I'm coming in hot.

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[Mike Dawson]

It's time to check Adam's voicemail.

[Adam Carolla]

Ace man, random non homosexual question. Who do you think is better looking? Tom Selleck, David Hasselhoff or Don Johnson? Johnson at their peak. Get it on, brother.

[Mike Dawson]

You can leave us a message at 888-634-1744.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you gotta go Selleck, because Selleck was like 6263, like played on the basketball team and they could dunk a basketball and stuff. Like, I'm old school. I don't like guys can be cute. But if you want to start getting into handsome, you gotta get over six foot. You gotta have some sport, a little bit of a physique, you know.

[Mike Dawson]

Selleck had the coolest uniform, too. A Hawaiian shirt and a Detroit cap.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Erica Rhodes]

He has a good voice, too.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And by the way, when he does those commercials about home equity and you having money in it, he treats that like he's doing Death of a Salesman on Broadway. Man, I've never. Most of these guys, you know, you see the Manning brothers do these commercials and stuff. It's like, all right, you got two takes. I gotta go. I gotta get on a phone, call. This guy, man, he's taking dramatic pauses. He's looking at. He's eyeballing this guy. He's looking over the lake, you know, like, I mean, I've never seen a more crafted infomercial in my life. Everyone else is. Shaq is like, you gotta go on Carnival Cruise now, don't. You know? And he just leaves. But. But Sheck is really throwing himself into this thing. It may be his greatest role.

[Mike Dawson]

I think so.

[Erica Rhodes]

That's a cool visual.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's see. Let's see.

[Mark Marin]

I know what you're thinking. I thought what you thought. Some things are just too good to be true.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm in already.

[Mark Marin]

Just like you. I thought that reverse mortgages had to have some kind of catch. Just a way for the banks to get your house.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Pause it there for a second. Let me say this.

[Mike Dawson]

I want to give him my house.

[Adam Carolla]

Ready? Guys don't work normally with their acting coach on, like, an infomercial. You know, this is just a money grab for him. But this guy put the time in. I mean, he. You know, he sat down with his coach. They got the sides. You know, they really went over it. Yeah, it's powerful.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah. No, he.

[Adam Carolla]

There's no mail in at all.

[Erica Rhodes]

No, he looks like he really thought about this. Like, who am I?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Erica Rhodes]

Who am I at?

[Adam Carolla]

Keep going. This is important homework. Yeah. Oh, yeah, you did.

[Mark Marin]

It's not any of that. It's not another way for the bank to get your house. And it's also not too good to be true. A reverse mortgage loan is a simple idea, really. You turn your home's equity.

[Mike Dawson]

Look at those eyebrows.

[Mark Marin]

And you pay it.

[Adam Carolla]

Great. Under. We spend so much time on the mustache, we forget the price.

[Mark Marin]

Pay off their existing mortgage.

[Mike Dawson]

He's got two eye mustaches.

[Mark Marin]

Medical costs even.

[Adam Carolla]

He said three. Mustache man.

[Mike Dawson]

Mustache man.

[Adam Carolla]

On your home.

[Mark Marin]

And you make no monthly mortgage payments.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm writing this phone number down right now. And then at the end of the.

[Mike Dawson]

Day, they told him, we got it, Tom. And he said, you know what? Let me try something different.

[Erica Rhodes]

Walk over to the Other chair.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Mike Dawson]

My other hand in my pocket.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah. AAG is the leader in reverse mortgages information.

[Erica Rhodes]

He really cares.

[Adam Carolla]

All your Castle Hoff would have phoned this in, wanted to be paid up front. Hammered that check.

[Mark Marin]

I did too.

[Erica Rhodes]

It's a long commercial, but I checked it out going.

[Mark Marin]

And I found out a lot more.

[Adam Carolla]

Look at that.

[Mark Marin]

It's pretty simple. A reverse mortgage.

[Adam Carolla]

I pause it for a second and let me just tell you something. As a guy.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Who's been on that side of the lens.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

A lot.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I love when people talk about themselves.

[Mike Dawson]

You think they studied tape of William Devane.

[Adam Carolla]

He probably watched Devane talking about selling gold off that battleship and thought, I'll do you better, Devain. I'll do you one better. But as a guy who's been on that end, your first impulse is like, how long is this commercial? It's one minute. All right, let's see how much shit we can cram into 60 seconds. Uh huh.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

He's taking his time.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah. I was gonna say you rush through it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I would. Power. I would.

[Erica Rhodes]

Because the words don't mean anything to you.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. And I'm not. I don't own the company. I'm not getting a reverse mortgage. You know, keep playing it though. This is.

[Mark Marin]

It can give you the retirement stability you're looking for.

[Erica Rhodes]

Wow.

[Mark Marin]

Maybe you want to check it out.

[Erica Rhodes]

He knows who he's talking.

[Adam Carolla]

He knows his audience.

[Erica Rhodes]

He's talking to, you know, someone he cares about. He's really trying to teach a lesson.

[Adam Carolla]

908 today.

[Erica Rhodes]

Where did he study acting, I wonder.

[Adam Carolla]

AAG.

[Erica Rhodes]

Did he go to, like a really good stability? Did he go to a.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's away.

[Mike Dawson]

Just this. The acting school.

[Erica Rhodes]

Sorry.

[Mike Dawson]

Many mustaches.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, there's a. Try mustache acting school.

[Erica Rhodes]

Conservatory, Juilliard.

[Adam Carolla]

He know. Well, he went to usc. That much I know.

[Erica Rhodes]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that's. I pretty sure he went. Almost positive. Went to usa. All right. Sorry.

[Mike Dawson]

All right. Serena Williams is in the news because she put herself there. 23 time Grand Slam champion was exiting a five star hotel in New York City. She was there to support Kim Kardashian at a lavish dinner marking the launch of Kardashian's new women's Activewear. Well, as she's walking out of the hotel, she saw a decoration of a fake cotton plant. Immediately, she became uneasy because it was a traumatic reminder of the slavery that she endured.

[Erica Rhodes]

Oh, my God.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Erica Rhodes]

Oh, boy. All right, everyone.

[Adam Carolla]

How do we feel about cotton as decoration? Personally, for me, it doesn't Feel great. So actually, it feels like no polishing for cotton. Natural. Oh, my God, she's haunted by cotton. Okay, couple things.

[Erica Rhodes]

Wow. She had to put a glove on to even touch it.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I never thought about that. Like, when she buys multivitamins, how does she get the cotton out of the container without being traumatized? Or she write a letter to the folks over at Flintstone Vitamins. She's. There's cotton. Look, I'm a man. I don't have a lot of cotton contact. But ladies, there's a lot of cotton.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah, right. That's true. I had to put cotton between my toes when I broke my toe.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, were you traumatized?

[Erica Rhodes]

Well, yeah. Every time I touch it, I'm like slavery.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, here's the thing, the thing. Can people have a little more situational awareness? Like, bitch, you've been rich since you were seven. That's number one. Number two, you're married to a rich guy. Number three, whatever the fuck happened before this, you didn't participate in that. I'm sure the Italians may have been discriminated against when they landed in ellis island in 1902 or something. Whatever gangs in New York, fine. But not me. Yeah, I lived in North Hollywood with a cat in Norman. So I don't have the trauma that you evidently have.

[Erica Rhodes]

Different trauma, but don't.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, I have worse trauma.

[Mike Dawson]

There's another thing, though. This is very, very weird to me when people say, how do we feel?

[Erica Rhodes]

Yes. How do we feel as a people? Like, who are you talking to?

[Adam Carolla]

We formerly had no thoughts about it because I don't watch through five star hotels and pick on the decor.

[Erica Rhodes]

It's a five star hotel. That's the other thing.

[Adam Carolla]

But also, again, you're wearing a jacket. That's two months paycheck for most Americans. I'm sure as you film yourself, you're in New York at a five star hotel. You're there to hang out with your fellow billionaire female, Kim Kardashian. We can look up your net worth online and we can see what your husband's net worth is. Have a little optical sort of situational awareness. That's all I'm saying. You're gonna get trolled.

[Erica Rhodes]

You don't know anyone that was in the cotton picking industry.

[Adam Carolla]

And also referring back to what we started with this. Could you just give it a rest? It's 2025. Sure. And by the way, you, Serena, are a rich person who never has to deal with this. But. But the people who have to work at the airport, see this, are activated and angered by it. And now you haven't you up another generation because you can't stop fucking complaining about something that has nothing to do with you. Yeah.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Mike Dawson]

There was a time when cotton picking used to be like a God damn. Or.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Mike Dawson]

I was listening to an old tape of my grandfather playing guitar on one of those cassette recorders, really recorded tapes for my. For my grandmother. And he said, I'm gonna try. I'm gonna try to do this again, honey. But every time I press play on this thing, I can't do a cotton picking thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, cotton picking.

[Mike Dawson]

Holy shit. Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Then he yelled, katie, bar the door.

[Erica Rhodes]

Are you allowed to say that now? To cut.

[Mike Dawson]

You know what? It should come back.

[Adam Carolla]

Not the Serena. And then Serena goes, and this is the kind of cotton they use for nail polish remover or something. Isn't there just one. Is there different strains of cotton that have done.

[Mike Dawson]

First of all, that plant was fake. It's not real cotton. It was just sticks with cotton swabs on it.

[Adam Carolla]

But whoever.

[Erica Rhodes]

And then she took part of it off.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Mike Dawson]

She destroyed it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. She desecrated my cotton motif.

[Erica Rhodes]

She had to pay for that.

[Adam Carolla]

Somebody over at the Marriott should have her reimburse them. But anyway, here's the whole point. If you're just gonna look for it, then you'll find it.

[Mike Dawson]

Right. We need to take away people's sense of self as well.

[Adam Carolla]

And also, you're not that important. It shows. And this happens a lot where it shows a. There's an out of it ness, an out of touchness where you've flown, travel, you've flown private for travel. For the last 15, 20 years, you've only stayed four star hotels. You know, these, we get. It shows how out of it you are that you don't know what it's gonna look like to regular folk.

[Erica Rhodes]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean?

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Yeah. Her husband's worth 150 million and then she's worth 300. All right.

[Erica Rhodes]

Oh, my God.

[Mike Dawson]

Well, if you live in Dearborn, Michigan, and you have to get up early for work, you no longer need an alarm clock.

[Erica Rhodes]

Why?

[Mike Dawson]

Because a contentious battle is brewing in Dearborn over a mosque's use of an outdoor loudspeaker for its call to prayer. 5:30am, this happens.

[Adam Carolla]

This is in Dearborn, Michigan.

[Erica Rhodes]

Oh, my God.

[Adam Carolla]

Now here's. Here's what would happen.

[Erica Rhodes]

No one's up.

[Mike Dawson]

Key change.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's what would happen to me. I'd be sleeping, but I would be incorporating this into my dream. So I wouldn't wake up.

[Erica Rhodes]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, sometimes, like when you're sleeping and the garbage truck's backing up, like, nee, nee, nee. And in your dream, you're sitting in front of a microwave and, oh, my burrito's ready.

[Erica Rhodes]

Knead.

[Adam Carolla]

Knee, knee. Like, you try to rationalize you don't want to wake up. I would just be dreaming I was abducted by terrorists and I was, like, in the back of a van being driven through Mosul, you know, so they.

[Erica Rhodes]

Do it every single day.

[Mike Dawson]

I believe it's every single day. One resident spoke at the city council meeting, presenting a sight and petition over the speaker at the Dearborn Community Center. She cited a city organ ordinance that states that people are prohibited from creating the continuance of any unreasonably loud, disturbing, unusual, and unnecessary noise which annoys, disturbs, injures, or endangers the comfort, repose, health, peace, or safety of others within the limits of the city. Now, here's the thing. Here's what I heard about this. All Muslims understand and know when the call to prayer is. They don't need this.

[Erica Rhodes]

Right?

[Mike Dawson]

This is more of a. Hey, f you. We're shoving this down your throats.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, listen, all Dawsons wanted to play a clip.

[Mike Dawson]

No, I would just like that fader to be turned down, please.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay. All right. So there's a thing that I've known, and I've always said it, and I've never said anything any differently, and it's where we're at now, which is people come here from other places, and they come here and they bring whatever their traditions, religions, rituals, food. We always. If you ever hear Gavin Newsom talking, we celebrate it. We have so many, you know, at the dmv.

[Mike Dawson]

Diversity is our strength.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. We print our test in 170 different languages, and somehow it's our strength. It's always our strength, this diversity, this thing. But it doesn't stop there, because the people come in, want to do what they want to do, and then more come in, and then they get a larger group, and then it becomes a constituency. And then you have politicians who formerly didn't give a fuck about these people and probably didn't like the religion having to give speeches about how noble their religion is, because that now becomes a voting block for them, and now they get voted in. And next thing you know, we're all sailing to Somalia.

[Mike Dawson]

That's my favorite Christopher Krause song.

[Adam Carolla]

We're all sailing to Somalia because. And then the speech is about how important these people are, and how great they are. And whatever it is they are going to do what they're going to do. You have to figure now, they often come from shit boxes. And the reason they come from shitboxes is because there's too many of them there and they've turned it into a shitbox. So then our thing is, well, let's relocate enough of those people over to Minneapolis or Dearborn. And guess what's gonna happen? People, they're gonna recreate whatever it is they fled, which is what we don't want here. Now, that makes you xenophobic to say it, but that's what happens. And then the pol. Then they elect their own. And then everyone has to sort of convert. And here. And then here we are. So if you want it, it's great, but I don't want it. And people are here because they don't want it. And the people who come here shouldn't want it either, because you shouldn't want to recreate what you float.

[Erica Rhodes]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

That's what.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah.

[Mike Dawson]

So they're doing some decibel tests and they found out that, yeah, it's a little loud, but that's. There we go. But no, no word on whether or not anything's going to change.

[Adam Carolla]

When you are. When you're doing an open house and you're near the mosque, you gotta really plan the call to prayer siren thing out. You know what I mean? Because you can't have that shit. You know, it's basically, I always say to people, you're looking to buy a house. Open house is Sunday, Sunday between noon and four, nothing going on. You need to go by that house Monday about 8:30 in the morning and see if Ways is taking people by your house.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Because there is a Waze thing where they'll take everyone who's on the 101 freeway and tell them to go right by your house.

[Erica Rhodes]

Oh, my God.

[Adam Carolla]

But you will not know it on a Sunday. No, you gotta go on a Monday and find out when the garbage man is coming and when the Muslim call to prayer is happening. Because could you imagine selling that house and that thing goes off. But you would never find out because it's at 5:30 in the morning. Open house is noon to 4.

[Mike Dawson]

The realtor would be like, listen, you live here, you buy this house. You will never miss prayer time.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. That's right. Nice Muslim family.

[Mike Dawson]

All right, so Bill Maher had a show this weekend and, well, let's just see what he says in his closing monologue. I'm not sure what I think about him.

[Adam Carolla]

We'Ll blow it up. And here's. Here's what I want to say. Bill does this a lot, but.

[Mike Dawson]

But then he backs it up with like. He'll say something totally sane and then he'll close it with something totally insane.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like you ruined your whole. He does that a lot. And he also does a lot of like both crazies on. It's always both sides. By the way, if Democrats ever admit to both sides, that means they're doing it, right? Cause if they're doing. If the democrats are doing 20% of it, they go, we've never done it. I don't even know what antifa is. It's a dream of thought. It doesn't really exist. They deny everything when they get to doing 80% of it. Once Democrats go to both sides, that means they're doing all of it. Right. Because they'll never admit both sides unless they get to 80% of whatever the fuck is going on.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

When they're at 30%, they go, never. Doesn't exist.

[Mike Dawson]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so here it is.

[Mark Marin]

And finally, new rule. As it's kind of late in the fourth quarter for America and we're behind by three touchdowns, let's make one last stab at a grand bargain between the two sides that hate each other so much. America used to do this all the time, make bargains. And I've suggested many myself, like, you stop saying fetuses are the same as babies. And we'll stop saying trans women are the same as biological women. You stop saying alternative facts. We'll stop saying my truth.

[Mike Dawson]

Is that Mark Marin.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, it's just a guy.

[Mark Marin]

You stop saying thoughts and prayers and we'll stop with the land acknowledgement.

[Erica Rhodes]

See, I don't think.

[Mike Dawson]

I don't agree with.

[Erica Rhodes]

But you can't compare the two.

[Mark Marin]

Voter fraud. And we'll admit that getting a picture ID isn't really that fucking hard to do.

[Mike Dawson]

There's plenty of examples of voter fraud.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah, I'm confused.

[Mark Marin]

But as it is so late in the game, let's just go right to the granddaddy of bargains. Now the left will seriously quash all their loony woke shit, and the right will stop the slide into autocracy. That's really the only card left to play.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let me just.

[Mike Dawson]

I don't know what he's saying.

[Erica Rhodes]

Any of it.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let me just say this. Erica, you're such a dainty.

[Erica Rhodes]

I know.

[Adam Carolla]

Little thing. I can explain this to you.

[Erica Rhodes]

Okay. Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

And Dawson, I think you'll understand this one too, okay? Autocracy, authoritarian dictatorship, Hitlerian. Okay, okay. The claim is that's what the right want. Like if you're on the right side, if you're Trump, you're hit lariat, but if you're Republican, type, you're looking for control, right? And what you're describing, Censorship. Yes. What you're describing is control. Okay, so who wants the control? What side wants control? You claim we want the control. We claim you want the control. Well, here's the good news. We just had a little experiment about three to seven years ago. It was called code. We did an experiment. We had a control experiment. It was just an experiment. Who wanted control, who didn't want control. So he had something called Covid. And Covid is just Covid. It doesn't have an R or D next to it. It's just a thing. So then the question is, how did one side react and how did the other side react? Well, I live in a place where they shut the schools, shut the beaches, shut your business shut funerals shut visiting Nana. And then they fucking tried to force everyone to get an unproven jab, a vaccine of a not tested, an untested vaccine. Force everyone or you'll get fired from your fucking job or thrown off the fire department. That's what you guys wanted.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah. That sounds like controlled immediately.

[Adam Carolla]

That sounds like control. That sounds like authoritarian dictatorship control.

[Mike Dawson]

You're looking for people to lose their job.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. You arrested a guy who was paddle boarding in the bay. My friends who own a business three miles from here. It's now gated and closed because you shut down outdoor dining and they defied your girl. They stood up. Oh, they stood up. They spoke truth to power. And you fucking sent the feds in and you shut them down. And now they don't have a business they had for 50 years. So spare me your fucking discussions on authoritarianism. Jesus goddamn Christ. Let me give you an example. You got Gavin Newsom. He's the one who's worried about all the authority and control. And then you have Ron Desantis, that's his arch nemesis. He's over there in Florida. Well, good. We've had a little experiment. We did a little experiment. It's a place called Disneyland. Place called Disney World. The guy in Florida kept Disney World open and you shut down Disneyland. Same Covid. So who really wants the control here? We did the experiment and you guys all dove on the opportunity to take control, whereas the others on the other side of the aisle said, no, no, no. I'm not gonna tell you how to live your life. They argued to reopen everything. You argue to shut everything and then fire everyone who defied you. And then you won, went to big tech, and you told them, you need to control these alternative voices.

[Mike Dawson]

Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

So don't give me this lecture on control. It's insane that they even have the balls to do it when we just got done with an experiment called Covid. Thank you.

[Mike Dawson]

Yeah, it goes even deeper there. There is now a new law, I believe Gavin signed into law in California, creating a new board that is going to judge whether or not your tweets are offensive, and you will have to pay fines.

[Erica Rhodes]

Are you serious?

[Mike Dawson]

Deemed offensive.

[Erica Rhodes]

That sounds also, like, controlled.

[Mike Dawson]

I mean, that's the same thing. He offers you something with his left hand and then slaps you in the face if you take it with his.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, Right.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And also, listen, your ideas on the left are not good enough to compete with the ideas on the right. So your job is to go around them and to Twitter and Facebook and tell them to be canceled. Why don't you come up with better ideas? That's all.

[Mike Dawson]

That's all.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, it's all they did during COVID All they did was control and fucking lie and try to get every dissenting voice de platform, and they tarred and feather them. They made them into pariahs, and they.

[Erica Rhodes]

Used fear to control everything.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, all right, all right. So just spare me the lecture. That's all. I don't want any more sanctimonious lectures on freedom from the fucking group that tried to get everyone fired and to get experimental vaccination. Yeah, Are we good? Just to stop with the lectures. That's all. And by the way, fucking Bill Maher. Don't you know any of this shit? Yeah, you don't know any of this shit. You live in California.

[Mike Dawson]

Half of me thinks he's. Half of me thinks he does the both sides ism. Because he's gotta stay firmly with his camp. Look, I'm still. I'm still with you guys.

[Adam Carolla]

Insane. But yeah.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah, he wants to appease both while pretending to go after both.

[Mike Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, we got one more.

[Mike Dawson]

We don't. But this news is brought to you by Shoot Eyes.

[Adam Carolla]

Find me Billy D. No, find me Billy Dee Williams. And his malt liquor was Colt.45.

[Mike Dawson]

Colt.45.

[Adam Carolla]

But there was also Cobra.

[Mike Dawson]

Oh, that's right. Did he do cobra or cold 40?

[Adam Carolla]

They had two.

[Mike Dawson]

There was another. There was another. Billy Dee Williams ish Dude doing the.

[Adam Carolla]

Other one, that's the Hammer. Okay, that. That guy is Fred. Whatever. The Hammer Williamson, who was called the hammer and played DB for the. You should know this for San Francisco 49ers, I believe, way back in the day. And that's when they'd come in and go, I'm looking for Hammer, right? And he'd be at the bar, Billy Deeves telling him. Let me ask you guys. Oh, wait, here, we'll play the question. Billy D. Williams talks about having a good time. When it comes to having a good time, I've got it down to a science. First you get yourself into the right clothes. Then you get cult 40, you and that someone special. Someone special. Yourself to a good time. Place. Wow. Hey, man, the rest is easy.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah, it's very Tom Sellecky.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, let me just say this. I have spent half my life trying to liquor up women to see what I could get off that easy. Malt liquor never works. It's the vegemite of. Of alcohol.

[Mike Dawson]

They don't want a six pack big mouth. I don't get it. Why didn't.

[Adam Carolla]

They don't want malt liquor. This is why they invented mimosas.

[Mike Dawson]

And see, malt liquor is like crack of cocaine. Malt liquor is like.

[Adam Carolla]

It's.

[Mike Dawson]

It's free based alcohol.

[Adam Carolla]

But let me. Let me say this so I don't know anything about. If you want to juice up abroad, you got to show up and make her like an Appletina.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean?

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah. Something fancy.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, your malt liquor, you'll spit out.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I could make you a cappuccino martini or something like that.

[Erica Rhodes]

Espresso martini.

[Adam Carolla]

Espresso martini. You'll. I'll get whatever Espresso. Why don't. What's so different about it? Why is it so different?

[Erica Rhodes]

It just sounds really.

[Adam Carolla]

It does sound weird. All right, I'll make you. You'll get like one and a half espresso martinis in you. And that's a panty dropper right there. But if I try to. If I try to give you some Colt 45 or Cobra Malt liquor, you're spitting that out.

[Erica Rhodes]

I am out.

[Adam Carolla]

But here's a different. As long as we're on a ethnic jag today. Well, I mean it. Let's try to figure this out. Colt 45 and Cobra and malt liquor. It was the domain of the black community. That's why Billy Dee does the commercials before you can get hammer. Get hammer. Colt 45 commercial. See if we can Find Fred. We can find Hammer.

[Erica Rhodes]

I don't think I've ever had malt.

[Adam Carolla]

Liquor put in Colt 45. Hammer looking for Hammer commercial. Anyway. Okay. It's always been the domain of the black. Yeah, that's him there. I think that's with Coco up there. No, go down. But maybe you did.

[Mike Dawson]

Cobra.

[Adam Carolla]

Go there. Hit it. There you go. That's what I want to see.

[Erica Rhodes]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, this is.

[Erica Rhodes]

Pretty hot.

[Adam Carolla]

It's all black. It's all black. It's all black.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, Put. You know what, Andrew? Put. I'm looking for Hammer malt liquor commercial. All right, that's good. All right, here's the whole point. Here's what I'm getting to. It's my thesis, right? Yeah, Colt. Okay, Boo. Okay. Everyone wants to get drunk, but people don't like the taste of alcohol oftentimes. And especially if you're trying to get your lady friend buzzed, she doesn't want Colt 45. So they invented Bartles and James wine coolers, right? And women would drink the wine coolers and catch a buzz. Now, malt liquor just. You gotta hold your nose to drink. I like beer. And even malt liquor doesn't taste good to me. It's not good tasting. So the black community used to drink the worst tasting alcohol. Now Snoop Dogg has a cotton candy flavor. Vodka, and it's all syrup and grape purpley sweet, right? So what happened to the black community? Cause they were drinking the nastiest shit ever, and now everything's got some cotton candy. Oh, I wonder if Serena Williams has a problem with the cotton candy. Serena's gonna show up at the county fair, see the cotton candy, and then shoot a video of herself complaining.

[Erica Rhodes]

Oh, that is so triggering.

[Adam Carolla]

Martin Cove is in this from Karate Kid. All right, here's what is. Fred Williamson. He's looking for a hammer. Turn it up, sir. Looking for hammer. No more harsh malt liquor taste.

[Erica Rhodes]

Cobra.

[Mike Dawson]

He said smooth.

[Adam Carolla]

Smooth. He said smooth.

[Mike Dawson]

I swear to God. He said smooth.

[Adam Carolla]

It's the greatest taste on earth.

[Erica Rhodes]

Who's that other guy?

[Adam Carolla]

He has a drink. He has a drawer built for two. He has a desk. A customized drinking Cobra desk. All right, here's my whole point. Why did they go, I want that desk?

[Mike Dawson]

They sell that at ikea.

[Adam Carolla]

It's gotta be so funny. Cause, you know, there's a prop department, and there's some guy named Ernie, and he's like, we need. Okay, push a button. Then we need the drawer to open. No, it's gotta be lit.

[Erica Rhodes]

They put a light in the Ice.

[Adam Carolla]

He has a drinking desk. You just build the desk. Can you build it or not? We have four desk. All right, well, we can cut away to the button, right? The button's not. No, we're gonna activate it from off camera. The button. We're just gonna show a tight shot of the guy pushing the button. Yeah, yeah.

[Erica Rhodes]

All right, so that's hilarious.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm looking for Hammer. All right, so black people went from drinking the nastiest tasting shit on the world to drinking all sugar cotton candy purple drink. What happened? So black people don't drink. Drink this anymore? They drink whatever. Whatever Snoop Doggs make it do.

[Erica Rhodes]

They just advertise it and it's.

[Adam Carolla]

They're done. No, there is no more. They said we're not drinking malt liquor anymore. We're drinking cotton candy flavored vodka.

[Erica Rhodes]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Because it tastes better, we'll put it in with soda.

[Erica Rhodes]

It does not sound good.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I'm looking for Hammer. Hold on, let me get my drinking deck. By the way, is that hilarious? I don't know. Does that instill a lot of confidence in the staff? You know what I mean? Like, the boss, he's got a desk. He's up there fucking loaded all day and all night. He can't. He can't run this company. He's got a drinking desk. And then they're downstairs and the ceiling's dripping. It's like, what happened? The boss's drinking desk is fucking draining down on our. The ice is melting thing.

[Erica Rhodes]

Was it like a strip club downstairs?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he was running a club.

[Erica Rhodes]

Sexy.

[Adam Carolla]

He's running a club downstairs.

[Mike Dawson]

Cut.

[Adam Carolla]

Refractor. He's. Oh, it's on same old malt liquor street.

[Mike Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, wow. If you've only experienced harsh malt liquor taste, that's the chamber King Cobra Boulevard is so good. Oh, hey, lady. It's a different breed as a mol. Yeah. King cobra is cold. Malicious satisfaction and a smooth taste when you play off the top. What's the clue?

[Erica Rhodes]

Don't let the smooth taste fool you.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, can I say this?

[Mike Dawson]

Don't let the smooth taste fool you.

[Adam Carolla]

It's 12% alcohol.

[Erica Rhodes]

Was she a real singer or.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Grammy nominated Peabody nominated for this. Can I say this to all beer company? You're not allowed to use cold as a selling point. It's like reach for ice cold coors. Yeah, ice cold. It's like, listen, everyone has a refrigerator. I can take a cobra. I can take a Coors light, or I can piss in a beaker and I can put it in the fridge overnight. And all three liquids will come out the same temperature. So you're not allowed to sell it. It as cold. Yeah, reach for cold. Cold, crisp, taste like everything. Yeah, it's all cold. Everything in my fridge is cold right now.

[Mike Dawson]

Right. But the mountains turn blue.

[Adam Carolla]

That's true. That's how you know.

[Mike Dawson]

You know.

[Adam Carolla]

Or you pulled it out of a chest filled with ice. And it's been there since halftime. And then now we're midway in the fourth corner, right? Fred. Fred the H. The Hammer Williamson. Andrew played defensive back in the NFL, I'm gonna say for the 49ers. It's always funny because when you look into these guys, they always played for three teams or something, but you only remember one. He was a DB in the NFL, and then he got out and he started doing acting. And his name was Fred the Hammer Williamson.

[Mike Dawson]

So if he was a Niner, he was pre Ronnie Law.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Mike Dawson]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Where did he play? Steelers.

[Mike Dawson]

60S.

[Adam Carolla]

Oakland. Oh, was he San Fran. No, Oakland. Kansas City Steelers. Where? He was one of the AFL champions in Kansas City. Fred the Hammer. Yeah, he was a big time ballplayer.

[Mike Dawson]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Erica Rhodes]

And then he has a lot of credits.

[Adam Carolla]

Semi recently. Yeah, he was in From Dusk till Dawn, the Tarantino movie. Remember that? Yeah, he was one of the. He was drinking a malt liquor at the cantina with everyone else. Yeah, that guy worked.

[Mike Dawson]

Wait a minute. He was in a movie called Black Cobra.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Erica Rhodes]

Wow. Starsky and Hutch.

[Adam Carolla]

He did a lot. Had a storied NFL career, and then he went right into acting. And next thing you know, he's pitching malt liquor and hanging around with Tarantino, everybody, buddy. So put some respect on his name, bro.

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah, it was like O.J. simpson died, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he's like one of the good ones.

[Erica Rhodes]

Fall off. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And then what year did he die? Because he died like three or five years. Still alive. Oh, he's still alive.

[Erica Rhodes]

Oh, I thought he died seven.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's book his. Let's get his ass on this show, man, because I will. Yeah, he's great in Starsky and Hush. He holds his own with Vince and Owen. He's a funny dude.

[Erica Rhodes]

Dude.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's dark ski nut. I thought seven. I thought we're talking about 70s. No, he's in the. That's the Todd, fellas. Oh, right.

[Mike Dawson]

I hear the Hammer has a special kind of urinal king cobra in it.

[Adam Carolla]

I gotta go throw some ice in that bad boy. That reminds me. All right. Erica Rhodes got shows all over the place. You can go to ericarodescomedy.com do you have a JonBenet Ramsey joke?

[Erica Rhodes]

I do. I did it on a news show in Chicago and it kind of went viral.

[Adam Carolla]

And did you get. Was it okay? Did you get into trouble?

[Erica Rhodes]

No, a couple people.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, do the joke. Can you do the joke?

[Erica Rhodes]

Yeah. It's just that I went on a date and the guy said I look like JonBenet Ramsey if she were still alive. And I said, you look like the killer if they found him. And we had a fun night of role playing. I hid in the basement, and he pretended to write a ransom note in my mom's handwriting. That's the full joke. I didn't do the full joke.

[Adam Carolla]

On the new show, ericarodescomedy.com is where you go, I'll be this weekend at Kimmel's club. What happened to that guy? Is he still around? I'm gonna send him a text. That'll be Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Doing two shows every night. Oh, there's two shows Thursdays. Well, I can't get proper information anyway. We'll figure it all out. So till next time, Adam Carolla for Dawson and Erica Rhodes saying mahalo.

[Mike Dawson]

Pick up your telephone and leave us a voicemail at 888-634-1744 and get tickets to see Adam Carolla at AdamCorola.com.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

This September, CBS Hits are streaming free on Pluto TV.

[Erica Rhodes]

I'm coming in.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

For this month only, you can watch full seasons of the CBS shows you love, from the courtroom drama drama of Matlock to the heroics of Fire country, go back to where it all began in NCIS Origins or watch the hilarious hauntings of ghosts, all for free. Full seasons of the CBS shows you love this month only on Pluto tv. Stream now pay never. This September, CBS hits are streaming free on Pluto tv.

[Erica Rhodes]

I'm coming in hot.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

For this month only, you can watch full CS seasons of the CBS shows you love. From the courtroom drama of Matlock to the heroics of Fire country, go back to where it all began in NCIS origins or watch the hilarious hauntings of ghosts, all for free. Full seasons of the CBS shows you love this month only on Pluto tv. Stream now pay never.