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- [00:01]
Adam Carolla
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Andy Dick
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Adam Carolla
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Andy Dick
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Adam Carolla
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Andy Dick
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Adam Carolla
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between June 2024 and May 2025. Potential savings will vary. Welcome to Corolla Classics. I'm your host superfan Giovanni. This is the podcast we play the best moments, highlights and fans like the clips from all 17 years of the Adam Carolla Show. If you'd like to access the entire archive of the Adam Carolla show as well as The Adam and Dr. Drew show and the newer podcast Beat it out, make sure to check out Adamcarolla's substack adamcarolla.substack.com Sign up Subscribe Listen Ad free and if you'd like to request a clip, please email us classicsvamcorla.com now on to the clips coming up. First we have Adam Carollo show 714 featuring Alonzo Bowden, Allison Rosen and Brian Bishop from 2011. Check it out.
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Pluto TV Announcer
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Adam Carolla
That's what I'm talking about.
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Pluto TV Announcer
Mean Girls Shut up. Titanic, I'm the King and so much more. For Showtime's press nothing. They're free 24. 7.
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Adam Carolla
That is so effective on Pluto TV.
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Pluto TV Announcer
Stream now. Pay Never.
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Adam Carolla
Adam Corolla yeah, get it on. Got to get it on. No choice but to get it on. Mandate. Get it on. Sorry, my voice is blown out. I just got back from a crazy tour. Me and Mike August traveling around.
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Allison Rosen
Eat more pussy.
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Adam Carolla
Yeah, yeah, we did travel on like Steve Martin and John Candy. Oh, yeah, Just watched that movie. Yeah. Had to tell some 22 year old waitress about it the other day. She's like, who? And who's John Cannon? I'm like, oh, Jesus Christ. Feel so old. Yeah, we started in Philly, we went to Detroit, we went to Chicago and we went to Denver and we did a bunch of shows and all the cities were great.
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Pluto TV Announcer
Problem.
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Adam Carolla
Mike lynch, who has great sense of humor, timing and understands the act and normally runs the Macintosh computer because it's kind of a PowerPoint presentation, could not make it because he just shit out. I mean, proudly gave birth to a child.
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Allison Rosen
So selfish of him.
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Adam Carolla
So this was just me and Mike August and Mike doesn't know what the fuck he's doing with the Macintosh computer. And we're playing these big theaters and I'm just up on stage. Mike's like trying to get through the shit and stuff's falling. He can't get stuff onto the screen. Now the comedy begins with us in la, which is the Macintosh is as big a laptop as there is. As a matter of fact, it's in the next room. Mike will bring it in here.
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You got the MacBook Pro, the big one.
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It's fucking heavy. It's a big bar o soap. Brian loves to argue with me, but it is big. There ain't a sharp edge on it. There ain't a finger grab on it.
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I agree with you.
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It's one big bar of soap. And when you pick it, hand it to Allison, shut it, please.
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Allison Rosen
Can I drop it for effect?
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Adam Carolla
Try not to drop it, but oh
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Allison Rosen
yeah, it's cold and heavy.
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Adam Carolla
It's cold and heavy and we traveled and slippery. Now, it came in a computer bag, but because, yes, it's cold and slippery and it doesn't have a sharp edge on it. And it's the entire act in there. And we try to get on the plane at LA and they're getting all freaky about bags now. Like, hey, how many bags you got? They're tagging everything at the gate these days and we hate going and getting it tagged. I had a first. I was in first class, so I didn't have a problem. But Mike was carrying like three bags and they said, hey man, you can only go on with two. So we need to check one of those so Mike, being the douche that he is, pulled the Mac out of the Mac bag, gave him the empty bag, and said, go ahead and check it. And then put the Mac into one of the other bags. And then we never picked up the bag, which seemed kind of cool and kind of defiant at the time, except for we spent the entire trip going through airports with this super slippery brick that had the entire act in it that was constantly just packed under Mike's arms while he was pulling one suitcase and had another one over his shoulder. And then I would see him, like, setting it on top of machinery and stuff while he was, you know, like, we'd go to the kiosk to check in, and he'd set it on top of just a very small thing, and he'd be running his credit card. I'd be like, mike, that. And we just fucking carry. I was just like a nervous dad with, like, a drunken.
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Allison Rosen
God forbid someone has to go to the bathroom.
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Adam Carolla
Like a drunken uncle who's throwing your kid up in the air. And there's a ceiling fan nearby. Uncle Ray, easy, you know, so that Uncle Ray. Oh, yeah, he would throw my kids 20ft in the air. Put English on them, too, man. Boom. So we start in Philly, and it's just, you know, one bad hotel after the next. And travel, travel. I mean, we did Philly, Detroit, Chicago, and Denver in four days. And in Philly, I told my dad I'd go by his old neighborhood, and we just had all day to kill. Did the show in Philly on, like, Thursday night. Had, I think, almost the entire day Friday. We flew out at, like, 4 in the afternoon. So we had the whole day. So we just jumped in a cab, and I said I had my dad's address, and he dropped me off in this South Philly neighborhood that I had not been in since I was probably four and a half or five years of age. Kind of remember the house being in it. My grandma from Philadelphia. Now, I'd never been back. My dad doesn't go back. His brothers Mario and Ralph never come out here. Nobody gets on a plane between, you know, there's a couple of barriers. First off, plane ticket was, you know, 175 bucks back in the day. And then secondly, we're not that into each other, so I never saw him again. And I had not been. I just had weird memories of this place as a very young child. I went back to this place, and I was like, oh, holy shit. I could not believe what a dump this place was and how rough South Philly is. And I couldn't picture growing up in this neighborhood. By the way, if you're going to put the picture of it up on the screen, now would be the time. Thank you. That is my grandma, my dad's house from South Philly. You can go to AdamCarolla.com if you want to take a look at it. Straight ahead. My dad just. On 15th Street. My dad just gave me the address.
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Allison Rosen
It's a row house.
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Adam Carolla
It's a row house. And I think my uncle Mario lived up on the third floor just pretty much forever. And I mean we walked through the neighborhood just covered in fucking trash mattresses out in the street. I mean real escape from New York sort of bullshit. I mean South Philly's a big beat up, fucked up, ugly town. And you don't think it can get worse until you go to Detroit. And when you go to Detroit, we went downtown Detroit, me and Mike went downtown. The thing I, one thing I'll say about Mike August is I'll call. I would call him in his room at like three in the afternoon and go, hey, you want to go to downtown Detroit and have a Coney island dog? And he'd be like, I'll see you in the lobby in five. Like no matter what he was doing, he's up for anything at any given time, especially it involves food and you're buying. We had a Coney island hot dog in downtown Detroit. Detroit is a place where you see 25 story buildings that are abandoned. It's not like, oh, burnt out house, you know, it's not a kind of a South Central thing or wrong side of the track and Chicago or something like that. It is whole buildings, whole commercial, like train stations gone like after a war. I mean it is weird. Downtown Detroit is weird. They have some nice suburbs, but downtown is fucking weird. You don't really, you feel like Omega Man. Like you're walking through and you're looking, oh yeah, that's the train station and that's a 25 story building.
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Allison Rosen
Is it totally banned?
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Adam Carolla
Oh yeah. Windows blown out, stuff like that. But then there's just like downtown buildings, like right in the middle of like city hall. There's fur lease, you know, just empty. This, everything's just empty.
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Allison Rosen
But a booming comedy scene, no, we
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Adam Carolla
were out in the outskirts and by the way, sold out like a thousand seater in Detroit. Good, good times. Snowing in Denver, like just snowing, just that Denver snow. Walked home from the club. The guy's like, you want to ride home from the theater? And we're like, no, no, we're walking back. We love it. Like it was just put the jacket up, put the hood up and just had that snow. That is. Yes, yes. That crunching sound underneath the feet just felt awesome, man. What can I tell? Oh, yeah. So the whole time I was gone, I kept getting these reports about Glenn Beck has taken your Occupy Wall street thing and he's gone nuts with it and it's all over the Internet and everyone's making a big deal of it.
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Allison Rosen
Is that like the number one trending topic on Google Trends or Yahoo or something?
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Adam Carolla
Yeah. I didn't know what to do because I was like in a hotel room in Detroit the whole time and I didn't know what to do. I don't. I'm not good with the technology. What are you going to do? Yeah. Could barely turn the TV set on, by the way. Number one sign, you're in a bad hotel room when the TV set screen faces the side of the bed. Not the end of the bed, but the side of the bed. Bad, bad sign. And when you turn the TV off and then you go out and do the gig and you come back and turn it on again, it's on the same channel. See, when you're in a nice hotel, it's welcome screen. You get that. Welcome to the Four Seasons. If you like movies, action, adult, you know, you get that thing. But if it's just. If it's still. Still on channel 13, that's a bad sign. But again, the screen facing the long side of the bed. Never a good thing. Always find yourself propped on the bed in some weird direction with your feet hanging halfway off this edge, Trying to
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Allison Rosen
think if I've ever even seen that. That means the room is so small that they stick inside.
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Adam Carolla
It's just shitty. Shitty hotel. Oh, yeah. If you go to like Courtyard by Marri or something, you just go to. She. They'll put.
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It's not even small. Sorry to interrupt you. It's odd layout, you know what I mean? It's squeezed in. People have gotten bigger since the hotel's not been renovated. Like, it's all configured.
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It's usually slow. Your feet are at the end of the bed and there'll be like a sliding door and a balcony with a parking lot.
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Allison Rosen
Oh, yeah.
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Adam Carolla
On that side. On this side, the left side has the bureau with the TV on it and you can turn the TV to kind of face you while you're lying on your smelly comforter. So it was a lot of that. So all this stuff was Going off and, you know, I don't know, you know, everyone's. I want to know what the fuck I'm talking about. Like, I just talk like, you know, we weren't. First off. I think it was a week old or something.
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Allison Rosen
That's the Troy Duffy episode.
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Adam Carolla
Oh, it was.
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Allison Rosen
Yeah. So it was. Yeah. Because remember, he kept saying, as douche. And that was what you had called the millennial generation in that rant about Occupy Wall Street.
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Adam Carolla
Right? Yeah.
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Allison Rosen
So it was that episode. And that was a couple weeks ago, right?
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Adam Carolla
Was it that? Well, Glenn Beck evidently got hold of it and did something with it.
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Allison Rosen
Oh, my God. Look what he wrote on the board. I'm sure he will hate this, but Adam Carolla is my hero. Forget George Washington. He wrote that in chalk. That means he really feels it.
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Adam Carolla
Yeah. I think he misspelled my name.
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Andy Dick
He did.
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Adam Carolla
He probably got off the Internet, to be fair. Or off the back of many jerseys, have gotten his gifts. Or off the commemorative cards.
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This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance.
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Try it@progressive.com Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary. Not available in all states. Mom, can you tell me a story?
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Andy Dick
Sure.
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Adam Carolla
Once upon a time, a mom needed a new car. Was she brave? She was tired, mostly. But she went to Carvana.com and found a great car at a great price. No secret treasure map required. Did you have to fight a dragon?
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Marshall Cook
Nope.
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Adam Carolla
She bought it 100% online from her bed, actually. Was it scary? Honey, it was as unscary as car buying could be.
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Allison Rosen
Did the car have a sunroof?
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Adam Carolla
It did, actually. Okay, good story.
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Pluto TV Announcer
Car buying.
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Adam Carolla
You'll want to tell stories about.
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Allison Rosen
Buy your car today on Car Funnel.
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Adam Carolla
Delivery fees may apply. Or the Toyota got me for the Toyota Grand Prix. So, to be fair to him, any
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of those sources could have led him astray.
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Yeah. Now, see, the thing that's weird, and here's what I don't get, and I really mean this because the people I run with will tell you that. Ben. That. I'm sorry. Beck. Glenn Beck. I just turned him into Ben Beck. Glenn Beck. He's a maniac. And, you know, he's. Oh, you don't know. Like, he needs to be stopped. And they'll do the same with Bill O'Reilly and guys like that. These guys are fucking. These guys are nuts. And they're. Whatever. And I See him and I usually just hear him talking, usually about the family, sometimes about the founding fathers, about some religion and stuff sprinkled in. But I'm never like, oh, this guy's a problem. Because he's basically telling people, take care of your own shit, take care of your own family, pull yourself up by your own bootstraps, pay your taxes and quit complaining. Which is kind of my message. And the religious stuff I don't really give a shit about. I mean, I'm fine if other people want to be religious. If it keeps them in line, it helps them stay sober or whatever it is, I don't really care. There's certain religions I like better than others, but I don't look at these guys as, oh my God, which a lot of guys in Hollywood do. And I do recognize the difference between truly dangerous people. They're out there and then these guys.
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Allison Rosen
Do you feel like truly dangerous people are in the entertainment realm?
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Adam Carolla
No, I don't feel like Bill Maher's any more dangerous on the left than Glenn Beck is on the right. Commentators, they're entertainers. They speak their mind. And sometimes it's not all their mind, sometimes it's someone else's mind. And sometimes they have joke writers and sometimes they have producers and whatever it is, and they're there to make money and they're there to be compelling and they're there to get a reaction out of people and they do a nice job of it. And I don't know why we get so caught up in it. I really don't. I mean, I know it's a first world problem and we're officially out of problems, as I've said many times. And now we're back to this fucking schoolyard mentality where we're like telling on people. And I never, you know, whatever happened to sticks and stones kind of thing.
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Allison Rosen
Well, I think the thing is that Glenn Beck and some of the people you mentioned are so identified with the right that them. That the fact that they're saying that you're a hero makes some people wonder. Well, are you as identify, you know, are you that right wing? And so I think people are sort of trying to grapple with their own politics versus what they think might be your politics.
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Adam Carolla
I have some right wing views as it pertains to, you know, economics, but. But socially I don't have any right wing views. I mean, for the most part, I don't care about pot or abortion or anything. You know, you want to smoke reefer while you're getting abortion, that's fine with me. You know, all these, you know, I was talking about, I mean, it's so bizarre to lump me in with those guys because Drew and I were talking about the morning after pill 13 years ago and telling everyone to get the morning after pill and saying every 15 year old or high schooler should have it on their bedside and blah, blah, blah. And that's not the kind of stuff that the. The right would. And then, you know, these shots, this HPV shot and all that kind of stuff. I'm all for all that. I mean, I'm all for all that. You know, stem cell research, everything. I'm fucking for all that shit. I just believe that the government is not gonna help you. And I know they're not gonna help you. They'll keep you alive. They'll keep you on a fucking morphine drip that'll just numb you enough so that the pain isn't excruciating enough so that you either do something or kill yourself. They'll keep that drip going, but that's about it. And they're gonna take in a lot of money and they're not gonna do a very good job spending it. They just don't. They never do. And neither does anyone, by the way, who gets a shitload of free money. They're not that good at it.
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Andy Dick
I.
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Adam Carolla
You know, it's funny. I saw my. My wife came in with yet another parking ticket the other day, and I. When I was leaving the house, I saw something made out to the city of Los Angeles in an envelope, which meant that was a check going out. And then the next time I saw her, she was coming in with another parking ticket. And I said, you got another parking ticket, huh? She said, yeah, it's the kids, the school and all that. I said, I don't get any parking tickets. I never get parking tickets. And she said, yeah. I said, you want to know why?
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Allison Rosen
Because you're a 1 upper?
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Adam Carolla
No, because I pay for the parking tickets, thus I never get them.
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Allison Rosen
Right.
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Adam Carolla
It's much easier to get a parking ticket when you don't pay. Someone else is paying for it, whether you know it or not, whether you think it or not, whether you. Whether you believe it or not, the day you're paying for the parking ticket is the day you stop getting the parking tickets. I mean, you can still get one, but you're not coming back with two in a week. When you're cutting the checks or when the money's coming out of the account that you got from going on the road. You Know what I'm saying? That's sort of my, that's my politics and that's the way I think. And that's the government giving them more money really never solves anything. And that's basically what I'm saying. And also I'm telling everyone, get the fuck to work. I mean, we're in tough economic times. You may need to have three jobs and most of the people I know have more than one job. It's no longer good enough just to go the plant and stamp fenders anymore for gm. They're shutting down and they're going to Mexico. We've priced them out of the market. Basically they're saying if you're going to have kids, you pay for them and you handle their health care. And if the kid's retarded and you broke your back falling off a ladder, then the government should get involved. But if you're able bodied, you handle it and I'll handle my kids and that'll be nice.
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Allison Rosen
Do you feel like the envy and entitlement is a new thing?
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Adam Carolla
I feel the entitlement is definitely a new thing. People never had this sense of crazy entitlement that they have now. The envy has always existed, but it was used sort of. It's sort of like envy's like a gun in the hands of a robber, it's a bad thing. In the hands of a cop, it's a good thing unless you're black. But you know what I'm saying, it's not inherently good or bad. It can be used to rob a liquor store, can be used to stop a robbery at a liquor store. Envy is a motivator, right? Envy used to motivate people to go, I'm gonna get a third job so I can drive a cool car like that. And now the envy makes you go, fuck that guy. Why is he getting all the good shit and how come I'm not getting anything? And it's envy that turns on yourself in the form of shame that ends up creating the rage.
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Allison Rosen
See, I do think that there is this sense though that even if you work hard, you're not necessarily gonna get anywhere. And I don't know how much I feel like there's more of that now than I.
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Adam Carolla
That story has been sold to Americans and me for 30 years. Cuz I come from that. You know, it doesn't matter what you do, you're still never gonna get ahead. Man's not. You think the man's gonna let you get ahead? I don't care how many jobs I mean, that's the way it always was. It was. Every single one of those sitcoms from the 70s was always James coming home. Put in another application over at the dock. Florida wanted to know, Talking good times now. And he's like, man, I can't get a break. And he's like, yeah, man, ain't gonna let you. That's the excuse for not trying to. Of course, if. Oh, well, it could never happen, then why try? I'll just keep hammering welfare checks. Who's stopping you from doing anything? Whatever color you are, whatever your gender is, wherever you're from, there's great examples of success stories from people that are darker than you are, that have an extra ovary, who come from places that never even spoke the language before they got here. I mean, there's success story after success story after success story. How did they do it? I mean, yeah, there's only so many Oprahs and Tyler Perry's out there. I understand, but my point is, there's plenty of fucking success stories. And, you know, it's like everyone you went to a high school with, some people are successful, some people aren't. Who held down the ones who aren't successful?
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Allison Rosen
The man.
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Adam Carolla
Right. Why did the man let some of the other guys get through his fingers?
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Allison Rosen
He's a dick.
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Adam Carolla
Yeah, that's my point. I went to high school with guys that were. You know, those guys. I went to high school with um, Gad Abu Zam. Zam. And I went with Ray Oldhoeffer. Ray Oldhoffer's doing what Ray Oldhoffer does. And, um, Gad's got a big fat company and has a big house up in the hills. Why? He didn't come from anything differently from any anyone else. Didn't start with a silver spoon in his mouth or any of that shit. He's an Egyptian guy. He's smart. He busts his ass, and he works five jobs and he adapts. He had a company that built sets, and he built all these big, elaborate sets, and the work dried up. It started just going cgi. Everything was done on a computer. Now, no one took these big, elaborate sets for these commercials anymore. So now he builds these custom wine racks and bars and things like you'd find at the Fogo de Chao. We'll talk about that in a second. He adapted. He took his ability to build and mainly his work ethic, and he steered it toward another market. As he saw this one was going bad. They had to let a few employees go. He doubled down on his hours. The economy Got shitty. The work dried up. But yet he adapted, and he's still working, but he busts his ass now. Why wasn't he held down? He's got a fucking crazy name. He's ten shades darker than me and Ray. Why wasn't he held down yet? No ovaries and no ovaries. One, possibly. I don't know if it's his. All right, should we listen to what now? I haven't heard. I haven't heard any of this stuff. I've not seen any of it. I've not heard any of it.
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Allison Rosen
I don't get ready.
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Adam Carolla
I don't. I don't. Mike August, the whole time was like, oh, man, do you see what's going on on Google or whatever, what's going on on YouTube and all that stuff? And I was just like, sounds like
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you're calling him directly, by the way.
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Yeah, I. I didn't. I didn't. I realized I don't like it.
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Allison Rosen
I'm uncomfortable with it, with this attention.
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Marshall Cook
Just.
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Adam Carolla
I just want to get through my life. You know what I mean? I'm not.
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Allison Rosen
You chose the wrong profession for that.
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Adam Carolla
Well, I don't give a shit about me.
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It's great for the rest of us.
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I just don't care. I'll see something I don't like, and then it'll. And I won't like. I just rather pretend like doesn't exist. I just move on. So I haven't looked at any of this stuff. I was incommunicado for. For four days during all this because I couldn't work anything. And I know I had my iPad, but I'm not gonna Google Glenn Beck and find me. I'm just. I don't know why. I don't know. I don't. Some would. What's wrong with me? Like, I. Everyone said, oh, Glenn Beck was talking a bunch of great things about you, and I have no idea what he said.
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Allison Rosen
Does it make you uncomfortable, like, to sit there and actually listen to it? Would it make you uncomfortable?
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Adam Carolla
It's partially, yes. It's partially that. It's partially. Having somebody say, glenn Beck is saying great things about you is sort of good enough, right? Like, all right, we're done. I don't.
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Allison Rosen
Yeah. Like, it might start. It might create more questions and dissatisfaction and unease in your head. If you actually know specifically what he said, then.
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Adam Carolla
Mom, can you tell me a story?
- [25:48]
Andy Dick
Sure.
- [25:49]
Adam Carolla
Once upon a time, a mom needed a new car. Was she brave? She was tired mostly, but she went to Carvana.com and found a great car at a great price. No secret treasure map required. Did you have to fight a dragon?
- [26:00]
Marshall Cook
Nope.
- [26:00]
Adam Carolla
She bought it 100% online from her bed, actually. Was it scary? Honey, it was as unscary as car buying could be.
- [26:07]
Allison Rosen
Did the car have a sunroof?
- [26:08]
Adam Carolla
It did, actually. Okay, good story, car buying. You'll want to tell stories about buy
- [26:13]
Allison Rosen
your car today on Carvana.
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Adam Carolla
Delivery fees may apply.
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Allison Rosen
Just a general positive thing.
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Adam Carolla
Right? And then of course, there's gonna. For every five good things, there's gonna be one and a half your douchebag. Adam, you know what the fuck you're doing?
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Allison Rosen
Yeah.
- [26:28]
Adam Carolla
And the reality is I don't like the man. And I should really explain this. I hate the man. I mean, I'm not into the Man. I'm into the protesting and I'm into the fuck the man. And I don't like the government. I don't like big banks and all this. I didn't know. They're assholes and rip offs. And I realize that there's my feeling is this. Our country has corruption and we just happen to have some of the least corruption. See, if you're talking about Karachi or Mexico or some of these places, they have 80% corruption, we have 8% corruption. Now we want to get rid of that 8%. You could take all the guys off Wall street and replace them with all the guys from Occupy Wall street and three years later we'd have the same system. I'm convinced of this. When you get juice and you get money and you have connections, I mean, it's like, seriously, it's Animal Farm. Who do you. Yeah, who do you know who? If somebody came up to you and said, yeah, I'm a senator and I'm on the House committee. And by the way, that new drug for malaria, that Upjohn was going to get approved. Turns out two of the rabbits died in testing and it's gonna get set back another 10 years. And if you had a bunch of Upjohn stock, you wouldn't fucking dump it. I mean, who amongst us would say. I would stay with it and ride it out? No, we're all wired that way. Same guy told you this tip about a stock or whatever. Same senator was on the committee and told you something. Whatever told you a tip, yeah, you'd buy stock of that. That's how we're wired. We're all wired that way. But we don't have Jews. You get up to that point, everyone reacts the same. Nine out of 10 people react the same. They'll dump their stock when they hear that tip. Is it moral? I don't know. Is it built into us? Yes, it's built into us. So my feeling is there's always going to be a certain amount of this in the government, a certain amount of waste. There's going to be a certain amount of this in Wall Street. There's going to be a certain amount of this in big banks and big anything. Big oil, big pharma, big anything. It's going to be a certain amount of that. The real question is, is how much and where do you fit in? So my feeling is, yeah, I'm sure gas could be 375 a gallon instead of 475 a gallon or whatever it is Now. I'm sure that medication could be cheaper. I'm sure my bank mortgage isn't what it could be. And all this kind of stuff, it's a little bit of the cost of doing business in the society that we've created. It may be flawed. I still think it's better than most any other. And all I'm saying to you is you're not going to fix that by camping out on the lawn and defecating into a Ziploc bag. You get three jobs, join me and my buddy, um, Gad, take care of your kids and let's get on with life. That's what I'm saying. All right.
- [29:27]
Allison Rosen
Who would even hold the bag? Oh, well, wouldn't you fall over? I feel like I would.
- [29:31]
Adam Carolla
I'd have my assistant hold the bag.
- [29:33]
Allison Rosen
Of course you would.
- [29:34]
Adam Carolla
Bring him down there with me.
- [29:35]
Allison Rosen
Yeah. Do you want to hear this?
- [29:36]
Adam Carolla
Sure.
- [29:37]
This may already be one of the most watched things on the Blaze ever.
- [29:44]
Would you agree? Yeah, I think so.
- [29:45]
I don't think this is. I don't think we.
- [29:47]
Any story or any video or audio
- [29:49]
has ever beaten what is on the Blaze right now. The Adam Carolla talks about Occupy Wall Street. It is the most epic rant. Now, we had to edit it because,
- [30:01]
as Stu said, quote, we over edited
- [30:04]
because of people in Iowa.
- [30:07]
Oh, what are you talking about, mister?
- [30:09]
Allison Rosen
They took out cunt people.
- [30:11]
Andy Dick
Where? In Iowa?
- [30:12]
Adam Carolla
What's wrong with people in Iowa?
- [30:13]
Oh, man, that's sad. It's sad that he would back up.
- [30:18]
Allison Rosen
Why are you attacking people in Iowa?
- [30:21]
Andy Dick
Wow, that is hateful.
- [30:23]
Adam Carolla
So anyway, he's actually right. It is.
- [30:26]
It is one of the most foul things I've heard in a long time.
- [30:30]
Although there's a strange glee and pleasure that I gained out of listening to it, I have not heard it in the edited version, I have a feeling
- [30:39]
it loses an awful lot.
- [30:41]
A little bit. Still great.
- [30:43]
It is still great.
- [30:44]
He's talking about Occupy Wall street and also what's happening to our society. Adam Carolla on his podcast, listen to this. All right, well, we don't need to hear that, do we?
- [30:57]
Allison Rosen
No. Well, I think everyone's.
- [31:00]
Adam Carolla
I did hear from some people that the edited version is funnier because there's so many beeps.
- [31:04]
Oh, really?
- [31:05]
Allison Rosen
A lot of beeps in the very end is. That's the news. I'm Allison Rosen.
- [31:11]
Adam Carolla
Really quick fade out.
- [31:12]
Allison Rosen
Really? I haven't heard the edited version.
- [31:15]
Adam Carolla
Yeah. So listen to, you know, any new listeners who Glenn Beck may have sent over this way. God bless you. Thanks. And, you know, nice to have the podcast be somewhat relevant. Nice to have people talking about the podcast, because that's the business.
- [31:32]
Allison Rosen
It's really interesting that this is the thing that really resonated with people because, I mean, you talk about a lot of stuff that affects a lot of people, but you voiced something that obviously a lot of people feel that they didn't feel like was being voiced.
- [31:48]
Adam Carolla
I do think the only way to get any traction is whether you're telling a joke or whether you're sort of preaching is to have the audience go, yeah, that's true. And I haven't heard that side of it before, or I haven't heard that one before. So obviously there's a large audience who feels like they've been sort of neglected by this topic because celebrities. I mean, here's the thing. I never really thought about this, but there are people in our society who listen, and then there's a handful of people who talk. And those handful of people who speak are comedians and late night talk show hosts and, you know, the aforementioned Bill Maher and folks like that. And they're not going to get to hear the side that they want to hear out of these people, because these people aren't going to dig into those people.
- [32:44]
100% of celebrities, Hollywood celebrities who've talked about Occupy Wall street have come out in favor of it.
- [32:50]
Right.
- [32:50]
It just said something glowing about it or gone down to visit them or something. And it's refreshing, it's probably refreshing to all of them, the other side, to say, hey, here's somebody talking about what we want to hear about.
- [32:59]
Right. It's nice to see the candor and honesty of a P. Diddy take the Maybach down to the Occupy Wall street before he then goes upstairs and takes some $200 bottle of champagne, shakes it up and sprays it all over his fucking suite.
- [33:12]
Allison Rosen
He just defecated in a goblet week.
- [33:15]
Adam Carolla
He's going cheap.
- [33:16]
For him, that's champagne for him. Yeah. So I guess the idea that somebody, especially a comedian, would string together a couple of sentences on this is struck a chord in America. And thank you for that.
- [33:31]
Allison Rosen
Now you're running for office, right?
- [33:33]
Adam Carolla
Just listen. I just talk and I just talk like no one's listening. And that's how I've always done it. And there's gonna be things you agree with me on, and there's gonna be things you disagree with me on, and hopefully there'll be. You see, it's not about agreement and disagreement. It's about conveyance. I don't agree or disagree with people I'm listening to and base my listening on whether I agree or disagree with them. It's sort of like watching a UFC fight where they're both badasses. It's sort of like, I don't have a guy that I need to win. I just want to see it. I want. I want. I want to see the execution of it. And I found that if you just hang around and are spoon fed the shit from your side of the aisle, you don't learn anything. Oftentimes I'll listen to, and I've mentioned it before, I used to listen to Dennis Prager. I still do. I mean, even back in the day, he would do a show called Religion on the Line. He's a Jew, and he would have like rabbis in there, and they would talk about it. I'd be like 22, and I'd just go, I want to hear what these guys have to say. Now, at the time, there was no show called Construction, Masturbating and Napping on a Futon.
- [34:51]
Allison Rosen
My God, there should be, There should
- [34:53]
Adam Carolla
have been, should have been. But I wouldn't have wanted to listen to that show because tuning your male
- [34:59]
Allison Rosen
buddy in a futon with pet rabbit,
- [35:01]
Adam Carolla
I was already an expert at that. I knew what I had to know about that. But the Jewish religion that I didn't know about. And I don't understand that thing where, like, I only want to listen with two people that agree with me so I can feel good about myself. And again, it's that more of that sort of self aggrandizing sort of, look at me, I'm never wrong. No, you should be listening to people who can punch a hole in one of your thoughts or theories or belief systems every once in a while. That's how you learn Stuff. If you just. If you're great at Civil War history and you just take Civil War history classes, you'll never have sex. And you're not unless you get one of the fat chicks during the recreation. Yeah. Mm. Let's pull up that super long skirt and drop them knickers. Point is this.
- [35:51]
Allison Rosen
You can't lift all these hoops.
- [35:53]
Adam Carolla
You will never be a well rounded student or individual or thinker. So you should go out and listen to people you disagree with. And if you disagree with me, that's fine. If I make you laugh, that's great. You don't have to. We don't have to be simpatico on every fucking issue. Fine with that.
- [36:12]
You asked earlier what was wrong with you. And my question is, why didn't you.
- [36:15]
Allison Rosen
Waiting this whole time?
- [36:17]
Adam Carolla
I just came to. I understand. I know you well enough now. I understand. When they're talking about you, you're like, fud. Just tell me about it and I'll move on. I don't care to listen to it. But the talk about the show, you know what I mean? You take a lot of pride in the show and it's getting out there. At least in the last 48 hours or ever. It's been in sort of a new audience in a new way. So why weren't you more interested in how the show was being received or talked about or perceived or whatever?
- [36:41]
I have a weird discomfort level. As I've said. If I'm walking through a supermarket. If I was walking through a supermarket and I saw me pushing a cart at the end of the aisle, I would duck down the frozen foods aisle. Even if that was me seeing me. Yeah.
- [36:56]
Allison Rosen
You probably give yourself a nod.
- [36:58]
Adam Carolla
Yeah. First off, I'd be like, why are you wearing a blue sweatpants and a black sweat jacket? That would be the first question I'd have for me. Why don't you just. Why are you mixing the setup? There's a part of me that does not want to exist, and there's a part of me that just says, I'm in my hotel room in Detroit, nobody knows where I am. I keep getting these calls about so and so wants to do an interview and I got a show to do tonight and I don't want to exist. I want to fucking sit here in my underpants and watch SportsCenter on my TV that's facing the same direction. It's running the same direction my bed is and I'll not exist.
- [37:40]
Allison Rosen
So you have like no ego, basically. And I don't mean ego in the pop culture sense. I mean ego in the psychological sense. Your identity and your sense of self is hazy and you're more. Armchair psychology. You're more comfortable not thinking about yourself as something that exists in this world. Not having to think about how people perceive you.
- [37:58]
Adam Carolla
Yes. Yes. I don't want, I don't want to go look online. I don't want to go see things. I don't want to know about it. When I see Mike down in the lobby, he's like, hey, did you see what's going on on YouTube? You know, 500, 600,000 hit. You know, I was like, no, I don't, I don't want. That's enough. Do you look in the mirror?
- [38:17]
Pluto TV Announcer
Yeah.
- [38:18]
Allison Rosen
You gaze lovingly in the mirror.
- [38:19]
Adam Carolla
On occasion. I've had a few beers and I'm wearing my kissing potion. Yeah, I don't, I don't have. I don't know, I don't have. Like I've said, I don't have low self esteem. I have no self esteem. And I don't mean that in a bad way. I just, I don't want to know about me. I do like certain things. I do, I like car related stuff. I don't want to go on the Internet and see if somebody said there's footage you on the Internet driving a race car, then I'd go look for it.
- [38:48]
Allison Rosen
But see, I think what Brian is saying is that Brian and I are part of this show.
- [38:52]
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
- [38:52]
Allison Rosen
Don't you want to know what people think of this show?
- [38:54]
Adam Carolla
I know what it is already. Some people are going to say that's awesome. And some people are going to go, he's an A. My name is Shannon Maldonado. I'm the founder of Yaoi, a gift shop.
- [39:03]
Andy Dick
From the lens of artists and handmade objects, I chose Shopify because when I was testing other platforms, it was definitely one of the most user friendly. It was important to me to think
- [39:13]
Adam Carolla
about where we would be in the future.
- [39:14]
Andy Dick
All of the tools for reading your sales, like planning inventory, they're just right there on your dashboard. For anyone starting a small business, the biggest thing I can tell you, it
- [39:23]
Adam Carolla
doesn't have to be perfect. Shopify can help you build upon it. Start your free trial on shopify.com. hey, sweetie. Your mother showed me this carvana thing for selling the car. I'm gonna give it a try. Wish me luck. Me again. I put in the license plate. It gave me an offer. Unbelievable. Okay, I accepted the offer. They're picking it up Tuesday from the driveway. I haven't even left my chair.
- [39:47]
Allison Rosen
It's done.
- [39:47]
Adam Carolla
The car is gone. I'm holding a check anyway. Carvana, give it a whirl. Love ya. So good you'll want to leave a voicemail about it. Sell your car today on pickup fees may apply. That's all. That's what I already know. That's how it's going to break down. Yeah. But no. Am I glad that people are going to listen to the show?
- [40:07]
Andy Dick
Yes.
- [40:07]
Adam Carolla
It's a business. I want. I want people to come in when people come through the door. All right. Sorry. What do we got? News. Oh, Fogo de Cho. Dude, Dude.
- [40:16]
The bar has been raised.
- [40:18]
What happened?
- [40:18]
Fogo de Chao. So it's a. It's a. It's a restaurant. There's few locations across the country. It's a Brazilian churrascaria. It's a steakhouse. They bring around the steak. All you can eat. Basically, you pay for the listeners. And so you and I and a few people from the show went a couple years ago.
- [40:34]
Right.
- [40:35]
And went for lunch.
- [40:36]
Right.
- [40:37]
We saw the one guy, one guy
- [40:39]
sitting by, flying solo at fogo de chow. 11 in the morning, wearing a suit, eating alone at an all you can eat beef joint.
- [40:47]
Allison Rosen
That's like. That's his bottom.
- [40:48]
Adam Carolla
And you said that's a power move.
- [40:50]
Yeah, I said that is. That. That is. I'm envious of that man.
- [40:54]
Yes.
- [40:55]
He's a man of intrigue and international mystery.
- [40:58]
Adam, the bar. The bar has been raised.
- [41:00]
What happened?
- [41:01]
It was my. It was. It was Christie's brother's birthday last night. So the family took us all out to Volga de Chao. And this is last night, and this is 100% true. It was crowded. It was Sunday night, and there was a group of guys sitting at a table. Four top four guys sitting together. And I first noticed something was amiss when the paramedics came into the restaurant.
- [41:26]
Wow.
- [41:27]
Four paramedics in their paramedic shirts with their paramedic kits came into the restaurant. And we kind of were like, what's going on? And they were tending to this guy. They weren't tending to him. No, no. They were standing around the table talking to the guys. They were having a conversation. Basically. They were there for about 45 seconds to a minute, had a conversation, and then walked out of the restaurant. They came and left. And then we sort of looked over and figured out what was going on. The guy, one of the guys, a red shirt, larger man, had vomited on the floor.
- [41:58]
Wow.
- [41:59]
Adam. They moved him to another table. He stayed for another hour and kept eating.
- [42:05]
I swear to God, I want to get together with that guy. He kept eating. And Lone Wolf McQuaid. The guy came in. Wow.
- [42:13]
Andy Dick
Never turned to red the contents of
- [42:15]
Allison Rosen
his stomach, so he had more room.
- [42:17]
Adam Carolla
He never flipped.
- [42:18]
Allison Rosen
Are you an amateur? Come on.
- [42:20]
Adam Carolla
He never flipped his coaster. He just vomited and kept moving.
- [42:22]
They moved into a new table.
- [42:24]
Allison Rosen
What did they do with the bar?
- [42:25]
Adam Carolla
They covered. That's how I figured out what had happened. They covered it up and brought, like, carpet cleaner. And there. There's a guy. There was a guy who, you know, cleared the area, was scrubbing it and everything. I mean, bought it in the restaurant.
- [42:35]
First off, that's a complimentary shrimp cocktail for everyone in the wake of the tsunami. You know what I mean? I mean, anyone who's realized that guy barfed. When you're at the all you can eat beef joint, I would be. Someone's got.
- [42:47]
Allison Rosen
Someone should write a letter.
- [42:48]
Adam Carolla
Someone's got to send you over a beer. The paramedics came in. I love that he left. He shooed them away. Also, my thing, if I own the Fogo de chow, would be, listen, it is all you can eat, but once you expel it, you can't refill it.
- [43:04]
That's the finish line.
- [43:05]
You'd make him buy a bucket as a bottom bitch. Yeah.
- [43:11]
Allison Rosen
What you're saying is you just recharge him. You charge him for a new.
- [43:15]
Adam Carolla
I would. I would. You know, I would ask him. I would limit him to the salad bar at this point. And only certain cuts of beef.
- [43:24]
Yeah. No cheese.
- [43:25]
No cheese. Stay away from the cheese.
- [43:27]
Allison Rosen
Well, you want to find out the stuff that he vomited, was that all Fogo de Cho? Or maybe he came in with something in his stomach already.
- [43:33]
Adam Carolla
That's true, you know. Yeah. Yeah. He could have been over at the macrobiotic joint down the street before and then came in.
- [43:42]
Allison Rosen
Could have been a shot of wheatgrass.
- [43:43]
Adam Carolla
Just. Wow, that's gross. Second thought was, I can't wait to tweet about this.
- [43:47]
Wow. That is awesome. By the way, doing shows. Fresno Tower Theater coming up. Great theater in Fresno. He kept eating.
- [43:57]
Pluto TV Announcer
Wow.
- [43:58]
Adam Carolla
This Thursday, December 8th, in Sacramento at the Kress Theater. This Friday, Anaheim Grove big show. The anaheim Grove, Thursday, December 5th. And San Francisco, Phoenix, Vegas, bunch of places like that. You can go online and check it out. All right, Allison, you got some news cued. How about I give a little love to one of our good friends over at Proflowers? This week only get Santa's workshop mini Christmas tree. Just $19.99. Beautiful. Fragrant. We just got our Christmas tree today, by the way. Smells great. I'd love it if this person worked next to me. Put this thing on their desk. Not that I have a job, but
- [44:35]
you know what I'm saying? You dropping a hint, buddy?
- [44:36]
Yeah. Toss that decorative tin on there. That beautiful tree. It's got the ornaments, it's got the lights, the wood ornaments. You can go to upgrade. You can get the angel and the snowflake ornaments and the white lights for just 10 bucks more. 800 ProFlowers and mention Ace. 800 ProFlowers. Or go to ProFlowers.com. these guys are great. They're partners. They've been with us for a long time. Great product. $19.99. How can you go wrong and it stuff lasts forever? Click on the microphone in the top right corner. Type in Ace. Don't wait. Sells out every year. Order today, proflowers.com. all right. Allison Rosen got some news.
- [45:15]
Allison Rosen
Sure.
- [45:15]
Adam Carolla
Do the news with Allison Rosen. She'll read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. It's Allison. Allison. And when it's time to wrap it up, she'll sign it off with zip. It's Allison.
- [45:31]
Marshall Cook
Allison.
- [45:34]
Allison Rosen
Herman Cain announced that he is suspending his campaign.
- [45:37]
Adam Carolla
Oh, hold on. Is Alonzo Bowdoin here? Not here yet. I feel like, you know, he's a brother. We'd get him in here, talk about Herman Cain.
- [45:46]
Allison Rosen
So I'm going to bring this up later when it's more appropriate for the context of the room.
- [45:49]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, we'll wait for a man of color to comment on this.
- [45:54]
Allison Rosen
All right, well, don't vote for Herman Cain in the meantime because he's suspending his campaign, which means he's not running.
- [46:00]
Adam Carolla
That's gotta be awesome. I went out, I dropped 15 million bucks, let my wife know over and over again. I was fucking everyone else, and then I quit. And now it was awesome.
- [46:10]
Allison Rosen
Now, is it gonna be harder for him to pick up chicks?
- [46:13]
Adam Carolla
No, it's. It'll be easier because his nards will be. I mean, his cards will be on the table.
- [46:19]
Allison Rosen
Maybe both will be on. Maybe he's. When he shuffles his cards, he also shuffles.
- [46:24]
Adam Carolla
I'll lay my nards on the table.
- [46:27]
Allison Rosen
He plays nards so close to the vest.
- [46:29]
Adam Carolla
I think I said.
- [46:30]
What did you think?
- [46:30]
Yep.
- [46:31]
I said, cards.
- [46:32]
I need you to get your mind
- [46:33]
out of the gun, for God's sake.
- [46:35]
Allison Rosen
So what you're saying is he's not gonna run the risk of someone being like, you're married. Slap or wine thrown in the face or whatever it is they do.
- [46:43]
Adam Carolla
Yeah. No women. Whether you're a serial killer or just a serial flanderer, they like it. That was a certain segment. I mean, I'm gonna. Is it that.
- [46:54]
Allison Rosen
We appreciate the consistency.
- [46:57]
Adam Carolla
Here's what it is. What you don't want to be is in the middle. Like, I'm gonna tell this to my son. Look, you want to get. You want to get laid. I know you like dudes, but I think this is a phase. I think it's a phase. You want to get laid. You know, pick a theme. You know what I mean? Be heavily into the Cure and dress like it. Or go rockabilly or be a jock or do something. Don't make the mistake your dad made, which is just sort of in between.
- [47:26]
Allison Rosen
Don't be a generalist.
- [47:27]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, there's.
- [47:27]
Don't be trying to be everyone to everyone.
- [47:29]
Yeah. You play for no team. Pick a fucking team. You'll just get to nail chicks within that group, but they're plenty enough to go around.
- [47:35]
Allison Rosen
It's sort of like talking heads on television. You need to have a field of expertise. You need to be. You need to know about real estate or quilting or cooking.
- [47:44]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, that's a good idea. I'll tell him to get into the talking hats. Dress like David Byrne with his huge shoulder pads.
- [47:49]
Allison Rosen
The advice you're giving kind of sounds like what Mystery, the pickup artist would say.
- [47:53]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, well, Mystery learned himself. I could sit around and just be a fucking putz, or I could get this stupid, stupid Mad Hatter cap and ski goggles. Ski goggles. Put eyeliner on and get a picture of Mystery and get laid. And it works. And you make fun of it, but there's enough dumb chicks out there. I mean, how many of those fucking dorky guys out there at the Stupid. How many of those douchebag dudes you see out there at the full rock and roll? Look, they're 45 years old. They're wearing the tight pants. It's working.
- [48:22]
Allison Rosen
I know. And the only people that will date them are. They're 17 or so. But I think that's what those guys want.
- [48:28]
Adam Carolla
Oh, yeah.
- [48:30]
Allison Rosen
Okay, so Madonna will be performing super bowl halftime.
- [48:34]
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
- [48:35]
Allison Rosen
She will make her debut in an extravaganza that will be imagined by Cirque du Soleil and her longtime choreographer, creative director, Jamie Kang.
- [48:43]
Adam Carolla
I'm down with that. I didn't. I didn't really need the Black Eyed Peas last year because it just Felt so un football to me. What would the great Vince feel more football to you? What would the great Vince Lombardi say if he could see them up there in their day glow suits?
- [48:59]
Allison Rosen
I tweeted when this was on the Black Eyed Peas last year, I said, this looks like something that would be performed on a stage outside Space Mountain.
- [49:06]
Adam Carolla
Right? Yeah, this is.
- [49:09]
Allison Rosen
But Imagine by Cirque du Soleil.
- [49:11]
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
- [49:11]
Allison Rosen
Like this is not going to be good either.
- [49:13]
Adam Carolla
Yeah. Tell me if this makes me a bad person, by the way. Yeah. I was out with Mike August doing a miserable. I was sick. I was out with Mike August and I was going to Philly and Detroit and everywhere else. And I was like, the reason I didn't have Mike lynch with me. Mike lynch is my. He's my. Yeah, he's. He's my man. Like, he's my wingman. And I knew he'd come. He always comes up with good ideas. You know, start the show with this, since you're in this town, or, you know, this dates April Fools, tell the joke, blah, blah, blah and all that. And Mike August, like, you know, what the fuck? And he can. I know he'd be up there trying to keep up with me and he couldn't plug the thing in. It was going to be a fucking disaster to do all these, you know, they're 90 minute shows, so it's not like, well, that was a tough five minutes, but we're on our way home. Like it's fucking 90 minutes. So I was lamenting, like going out, going to Detroit, going out on stage in 90 minutes. I got Mike running the fucking thing and I kept getting these pictures that were being shot back to me from my wife because her and the kids and Dr. Bruce and his kids were all at Disneyland. And it's like, Natalia's on Space Mountain and now she's on the Teacups and now she's on the Matterhorn and now we're eating at the New Orleans restaurant or something. I was getting that right before I was walking out Blue Bayou. Yeah, Going to Blue Bayou. Right. By the way, I knew I was paying for all this too. And also she's just sending you receipts. They also we had some chick over at ABC who's great, got us, got them like a guide so they can like walk them to the fucking front of the line.
- [50:55]
Alonzo Bowden
Wow.
- [50:56]
Adam Carolla
Yeah. It's funny because my wife was like, yeah, while you were bitching about the self entitled people, your kids were being walked to the front of the line over at Disneyland. And I was like, yeah, it's true. Except for I was out, I wasn't there, but I can dig it. Sweet iron. Now tell me if this makes me a bad person. I don't mind other people being at home and relaxing while I'm out busting my hump, but having the fucking time of their lives, it gets me. Like I just want to just don't
- [51:25]
tell me about it.
- [51:26]
I just seen pictures. Everyone like eating and having fun. There's a time difference too. So it's like they're there at like five in the afternoon. I'm going to go on stage. I just want them running in place for the 90 minutes that I'm up on stage thinking about how wonderful you are.
- [51:38]
Andy Dick
Yeah.
- [51:38]
Adam Carolla
And look, I'm not a total asshole. If they want to do some push ups in there, that's their business, you know, I'm just saying if daddy goes up on stage, you know, 8:00pm Eastern Time, then at 5:00 clock they better be doing time. You just fucking shut off the tv, shut everything down like a Jew on Fridays and just run in place. I'll call you when I get upstairs, Dick. No, that's healthy, right?
- [52:04]
Allison Rosen
Yes, all comics must feel that way on the road.
- [52:07]
Adam Carolla
Mm mm. All right, sorry.
- [52:09]
Allison Rosen
If you had been here, would you have enjoyed that kind of Disneyland outing though?
- [52:13]
Adam Carolla
I would have felt weird walking to the front of the line. But if you pay extra. Yeah, they'll give you. They'll put you to the front of the line. Aren't you. I want that pummeled with shit. I can just walk you right to the front of a hour and a half line.
- [52:27]
Allison Rosen
That sounds great. I want to be on the list for every ride.
- [52:30]
Adam Carolla
If you called ahead, they would probably do it for you for free, I bet. Yeah, I was, I took a Disneyland tour recently. They said they would do for celebrities. They don't get pictures or if they. Both.
- [52:39]
Yeah, they'll do it. No, and it is. And you can pay for it.
- [52:42]
Allison Rosen
What kind of celebrity do you have to be to get this treatment?
- [52:44]
Adam Carolla
But it is Corolla level or above.
- [52:46]
It is. It is one of these things where if you want to pay for it, you can pay for it. And everyone who goes, hey man, why do you get to go to the front of line? It's the same with first class. Hey man, Give this person 200 bucks an hour and you can go to the front of the line with me. And that's basically how our society's been set up. Disneyland wants to make money. Celebrities or rich people don't Want to wait in line? Is it worth paying a pretty good chunk of change for their five hours and getting the front line? Yes. Well, it is to them and they'll pay it. And Disneyland's not stupid. And guess who suffers? Well, the dude who ain't rich. And is it fair? I don't know. Is it? I don't know what it is, but I'm just telling you it is.
- [53:30]
Allison Rosen
And when you're talking about Disneyland, and I know you're making a bigger point, but specifically regarding Disneyland, it is so expensive.
- [53:35]
Adam Carolla
Anyway, I think it's kind of bullshit. I mean, honestly, paying to get to the front of the line. But it is. Again, it's a. It's a metaphor for what we're talking about. It's, come on up and sit in first class. And yeah, you're already paying a lot for a flight these days, but you want to pay a lot more. You can sit in a wider seat and have someone bring you gin and
- [53:58]
Allison Rosen
tonics, you know, and real silverware.
- [54:01]
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
- [54:02]
Allison Rosen
26,000 customers are still without power after the windstorm. 26,000 Southern California Edison customers. So were you here for this windstorm
- [54:12]
Adam Carolla
or were you on. I went to South Philly. I walked through the wreck of a neighborhood that was South Philly. I stared at my dad's house, and I had a moment of empathy for my dad. I was like, you poor son of a bitch, you grew up here. I can't believe you fucking grew up in this wretched place.
- [54:35]
Allison Rosen
To be fair, the pictures don't look that bad.
- [54:37]
Adam Carolla
No, it doesn't look as bad because you can't see all the. You can see how small the place is, but you can't see all the trash on the ground and all that filth and everything as you walk around. But no, it looks kind of quaint with the brick. Just get up on it and walk around. It was a filthy, trashy, fucked up neighborhood. And believe me, I know. I've been through all parts of the San Fernando Valley. I know what graffiti and trash and sofas on the fucking street look like. This was a fucking dump. And I felt bad for my old man and I called him and I told him. I walked through the old neighborhood and I'm standing there now just walking through it. He said that the power had been out for two days, and I'd said, well, what do you care? First off, all my dad does is read. You light a candle for that. He goes to bed when the street lights come on anyway. So if the street lights aren't Coming on. It'd just be 7:30. No reason.
- [55:33]
Set his alarm.
- [55:34]
Nobody needs power less than my dad like he is. My dad is set for no power. My dad's hobbies are walking and sitting. That's what he does. None of which. I sold my car in Carvana last night.
- [55:49]
Marshall Cook
Well, that's cool.
- [55:50]
Andy Dick
No, you don't understand. It went perfectly.
- [55:52]
Adam Carolla
Real offer down to the penny.
- [55:54]
Andy Dick
They're picking it up tomorrow.
- [55:55]
Adam Carolla
Nothing went wrong.
- [55:56]
Allison Rosen
So what's the problem?
- [55:57]
Adam Carolla
That is the problem.
- [55:58]
Andy Dick
Nothing in my life goes as smoothly.
- [56:00]
Adam Carolla
I'm waiting for the catch.
- [56:01]
Allison Rosen
Maybe there's no catch.
- [56:02]
Andy Dick
That's exactly what a catch would want me to think.
- [56:05]
Marshall Cook
Wow.
- [56:05]
Adam Carolla
You need to relax. I need to knock on wood.
- [56:07]
Do we have. What is this table wood?
- [56:09]
Andy Dick
I think it's laminate.
- [56:10]
Adam Carolla
Okay.
- [56:10]
Pluto TV Announcer
Yeah, that's good. That's close enough.
- [56:11]
Adam Carolla
Car selling without a catch. Sell your car today on Carvana.
- [56:16]
Andy Dick
Pick up.
- [56:16]
Adam Carolla
These May apply. Require 240, right? Or just general household current. I mean, literally, there's no weekend. It's not like, oh, the popcorn maker's not working and I can't fire up the jukebox. And my electric dance floor is not.
- [56:31]
Allison Rosen
No my daddy coffee maker or anything.
- [56:32]
Adam Carolla
My dad doesn't really watch tv. I mean, it's a pain in the ass because the refrigerator's going bad. But nobody, nobody's prepared for power or death.
- [56:42]
Allison Rosen
What about all his tropical fish?
- [56:45]
Adam Carolla
He will play the trumpet, he will walk, and he will read a book. All things that can be accomplished with no power. So he's fine. I feel sorry for my dad.
- [56:56]
Allison Rosen
Okay. But for all the other hundreds of thousands of people, it was pretty bad. Yeah, it was. It was crazy. There were downed trees everywhere. Leaves were circling.
- [57:09]
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
- [57:10]
Allison Rosen
On Twitter, I saw that someone's glass patio table that was £100 had been upended and glass was everywhere.
- [57:16]
Adam Carolla
That was probably just Steve O. Drunk guy doing a bad interview.
- [57:20]
Put his foot through it.
- [57:21]
Put his foot through it. Yeah.
- [57:22]
Allison Rosen
And now, four days later, 26,000 people are still without power. However, by 8pm Monday. So when most people hear this, those people are supposed to have power.
- [57:31]
Adam Carolla
And also, it was nice because I was in South Philly. I was miserable. I was getting ready to go to Detroit. I was miserable again. And I was like. He's like, yeah, I haven't had power in two days. I was like, good. We're just thinking to myself, I'm glad you're miserable too. We're both miserable. And I'm standing in your shitty old neighborhood and I'm miserable. It Felt better. See, the Disneyland thing didn't make me feel good. I was glad the kids had a good time and all that kind of stuff, but I was lamenting my lot in life while they were at Disneyland. But then all of a sudden, when my dad said, we haven't had power in two days, I immediately felt better.
- [58:06]
Allison Rosen
You should always talk to people who are dealing with hardship.
- [58:09]
Adam Carolla
I'll just call my dad.
- [58:10]
Allison Rosen
Or just your dad. So the PowerPoint presentation with Mike August, how was it really?
- [58:18]
Adam Carolla
You know, I would say our timing was off, but we never had timing. We've never done it before. We would sit and discuss what the set list would be, and I'd say, it's this picture and then it's that picture and we'll try this. And what did we do last time? We were in Philly or Denver or wherever we were, and we just sort of went over the beats like on the plane. And, you know, I started off by saying, all right, everyone, you know, bear with Mike August. Mike lynch is back, you know, with his newborn, and we're going to try to get through this. And I ended up doing a lot of holiday version of what Can Adam Complain About? So we started off with 15, 20 minutes of improv. And then I went into a Dixie Chick story, and then I went into some Tom Cruise stories. So I took the whole front of the set and made it into about 40 minutes of just talking that didn't rely too heavily on the feast of sights that would be behind me normally. So I gave him the dumbed down version of it. He did a decent enough job, sort of, but, you know, he was. You could see stuff on the computer screen because the screen is a computer screen, so you could see the stuff making its way over and then going down and then falling off and then coming back up again and the arrow pointing through. You know, it was that. It was comical. But, you know, I did so much improvising that it was sort of ended up being fun. And my audience likes the improvising and I'm busting Mike's chop and, you know, that kind of thing. We made it into its own thing. But no going out and doing five shows after I hadn't been on the road in a while and feeling like I had a little ring rust on me. No, it was not a great feeling. Not a great feeling. All right, Alonzo Bowden is here, by the way. So I think we should start thinking about wrapping up this part of the news.
- [60:06]
Allison Rosen
Yes, that's the news. I'm Alison Rosen. Zip it, cunt.
- [60:12]
Adam Carolla
That was the news with Alison Rosen. I tell you, I may hate me, but I love me some man grate. Yeah. 100% made in America. 100% cast iron. Somebody tweeted me today, said their man grate showed up and said, I can't believe how heavy it is. You will not believe how heavy per ounce. Best thing you can buy. Yes.
- [60:34]
Allison Rosen
I feel like I would get a hernia if I tried to lift it.
- [60:36]
Adam Carolla
You shall. And you would. And it'd be the best damn hernia.
- [60:40]
Allison Rosen
Totally worth it.
- [60:42]
Adam Carolla
100% steakhouse quality grilling right in your own backyard. 1999 holiday special. Such a great item. Nobody has a beef. Pardon the pun. Yeah. Fogo de Cho. That's probably how they cook their stuff. Unbelievable. Mangrate. Click on the man grate banner on AdamCarolla.com and order yours today. These guys got on early. I think they were our first actual sponsor way back in the day. It's been a love affair and a success story. These guys are great. American success story. We're turning into the same. And you guys are making it all happen because you're helping out our sponsors. Mangrate. Great guys. They got a bonus offer. They'll give you the heavy duty mangrate grilling brush with the Adam Carolla show logo on it. $19.95 order today. All right, quick break. And my second favorite black person in studio next, Alonzo Bowden. Well, we's back with Alonzo Bowden. Good to see you, Alonzo.
- [61:47]
Alonzo Bowden
Good to be here. Hey, man, I'm hurt. When did I move back to the number two spot? I was number one black guy.
- [61:52]
Adam Carolla
I know.
- [61:53]
Alonzo Bowden
For a while I was enjoying that.
- [61:55]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, just David Allen Greer kind of.
- [61:58]
Alonzo Bowden
Dag bumped me out again.
- [62:00]
Adam Carolla
Wow. He just. He's so emotional and I just feel like you can handle it better than.
- [62:05]
Alonzo Bowden
He's sensitive. But, you know, I was enjoying number one. I'm not gonna lie.
- [62:09]
Adam Carolla
Well, you're. Oh, you'll always be top three because I only know two black guys.
- [62:13]
Alonzo Bowden
I'll take that.
- [62:14]
Adam Carolla
But unless one of those Waynes brothers works her way back into my heart.
- [62:18]
Alonzo Bowden
See you just wayans.
- [62:21]
Adam Carolla
I shouldn't have said wayans. No, I'm just saying that Marlin is pretty, pretty good. Artito. Anyway, I'll work it out. What have you been up to? Last time I saw you, I think you had a cast on your hand.
- [62:35]
Alonzo Bowden
I did. I did. All last year they were doing surgeries and trying to fix the broken scaphoid bone in my wrist and ultimately Just removed it. Finally gave it really. You know how when you're working on a car and you like, you put it back together and there's that extra piece and you're like, it's still running.
- [62:51]
Adam Carolla
Right?
- [62:51]
Alonzo Bowden
That was the way they were like, you know something, his hand still works, right? His wrist articulates. Let's just throw this bone out. We probably didn't need it to begin with.
- [62:59]
Adam Carolla
I think most people had put together an entertainment center they got from ikea, end up with a handful of extra screws and maybe a half a shelf and they go, you know what? It's there, the TV's on, it ain't going anywhere. Yeah. You were riding your bike, motorcycle and dragging your knee and ended up dumping it.
- [63:17]
Alonzo Bowden
Yeah. High sided it coming out of a turn at Button Willow.
- [63:22]
Adam Carolla
Do they tell you not to do?
- [63:23]
Alonzo Bowden
I mean, do they tell you not to high side? They do, they say don't do that.
- [63:29]
Adam Carolla
I know you didn't, you didn't, you didn't pay them any nevermind, but. Oh, that's a good picture. But did, did they. Is that a Ducati around, by the way?
- [63:36]
Alonzo Bowden
Yeah, it was a duck.
- [63:37]
Adam Carolla
I love Ducatis.
- [63:38]
Alonzo Bowden
Yeah, it's beautiful. Sweet.
- [63:41]
Adam Carolla
I, the doctors, what did they tell you? Did they say like no more motorcycle riding?
- [63:46]
Alonzo Bowden
No, no, he said that, he said this happens. He just said the thing was if you're gonna break your wrist like I did it the worst way possible, that that was the thing that he said. He was like, you shattered the one bone that never gets any blood. It does, you know, right? Just there are eight bones in the wrist. You pick the worst one.
- [64:06]
Adam Carolla
But so don't, so don't. So go ahead and do it and break your wrist again. Just don't break that bone. Yeah, well, you can't now. It's on your shelf at home. Right?
- [64:15]
Alonzo Bowden
Well, now I look at the racers because like I go to the pro racers, I go to MotoGP and one of them, he shattered his scaphoid bone and he was racing again in three weeks. So I'm like, well, what's his doctor know?
- [64:28]
Adam Carolla
Right?
- [64:28]
Alonzo Bowden
You know, and they, they pointed out he's 22 years old and a world class athlete.
- [64:34]
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
- [64:34]
Alonzo Bowden
You know, they heal faster.
- [64:36]
Adam Carolla
I love the MotoGP stuff and I wish it was bigger out here. It's sad that it's so big in Europe and not just not. NASCAR's taking up all the room out here.
- [64:45]
Alonzo Bowden
It sucks because people don't know what they're doing and these guys are amazing. Like these, these guys ride at a level you can't even comprehend, and they're battling like they're literally elbowing each other in corners and shit like that. It's real great racing, but, you know, well, nobody, nobody knows. Nobody knows in the States.
- [65:07]
Adam Carolla
No, the thing is, I judge everything that I appreciate sort of based on could you do it or not? And when I see nascar, I go, okay, I could do that. I wouldn't be a champion, I'd be in the back of the pack. But I'd strap in and I'd turn some laps and as a matter of fact, I'd even bet you if I went through some driving school and you gave me a couple months to prep, that I could do. I could. I'm not winning any races. I ain't bragging. I'm just saying I'd be out there. I couldn't be out there for this. There'd be. Who's that guy?
- [65:43]
Alonzo Bowden
Yeah. And the funny thing with MotoGP, like, they're so good that whenever they're in the United States, they invite a couple of guest racers from AMA, which is our racing series, right? They're like, okay, MotoGP's here. Here's a MotoGP bike. Get in the race. They're so far behind, they almost get lapped. Like it's that much of a difference. And he's a professional racer, right? You know, if I was to get out there, there'd be a horrible traffic jam.
- [66:09]
Adam Carolla
Well, you, you know, it's funny because you and Michael Jordan are the two guys that make me laugh when I think about guys who are into these GP bikes, because it'd be like if you decided you wanted to build ships in a bottle, your hands are so fucking big. It just, it couldn't. I couldn't think of a worse activity for a dude that's your size. I mean, these guys are little. These guys are spider monkeys, right? I mean, they're 140, 32 pound Italian dudes that just look great. But, but they're little dudes, right?
- [66:42]
Alonzo Bowden
Yeah, there's, there's one. Ben spees is like 5, 10, he's like a giant, but he only weighs 150 pounds.
- [66:48]
Adam Carolla
It's all horsepower to weight ratio. So you tack on another £40 onto that bike and high up on the center of gravity and you're just going to be at a disadvantage.
- [66:57]
Alonzo Bowden
And the difference, you know, see, with Michael Jordan, they have to be nice to him and pretend he's part of it because he's Michael Jordan. With me, they just point and laugh. They just point. They're like, what the hell are you doing? Go away.
- [67:10]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, but still fun. And look, my number one black friend, David Alan Greer, he loves the moto gp.
- [67:17]
Pluto TV Announcer
He does, too.
- [67:18]
Alonzo Bowden
He does.
- [67:19]
Adam Carolla
What is it with the brothers? Well, there's only two.
- [67:22]
Alonzo Bowden
No, there's Jason Britton, the stunt guy.
- [67:24]
Adam Carolla
He likes it too.
- [67:25]
Alonzo Bowden
Yeah, Jason's always there. There's a few of us there. I'll tell you, you'll see more brothers at a MotoGP race than at a, like, Sturgis Harley rack.
- [67:33]
Adam Carolla
Yeah. You know what?
- [67:34]
Alonzo Bowden
I like that one we avoid.
- [67:35]
Adam Carolla
I do like that. I can tell the race of dudes on the bikes. There is a black bike. There's like two black bikes. There's the weird sort of. Has a fairing, but it's a Harley sort of lowered weird kind of black dude cruiser bike. You know what I'm talking about?
- [67:55]
Alonzo Bowden
What? The V rod.
- [67:56]
Adam Carolla
That Harley, it look kind of looks like a V rod, but this. Is this from the 70s, like just. Just the dude. It's almost got a little drag bike.
- [68:03]
Alonzo Bowden
Yeah, yeah, I know to it.
- [68:05]
Adam Carolla
There's a. There's a way that black dudes, you know, like, you see a lowrider car.
- [68:10]
Alonzo Bowden
Yeah.
- [68:10]
Adam Carolla
And you go, okay, that's a Mexican dude. He's got a lowrider car. And you wouldn't think you'd go, that's a black dude bike. But you can tell a black dude.
- [68:17]
Alonzo Bowden
Yeah, that was with the old cowie Z ones and they had that little ducktail thing on it. Looked like a spoiler. And. And we take the shocks off and put drag struts back.
- [68:29]
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
- [68:29]
Alonzo Bowden
Slam it to the ground. Yeah. Brothers. We love those. That was. That was in the 70s.
- [68:34]
Adam Carolla
I guess it makes sense. But it's weird that each culture gets. Has their own take. I mean, you go, that's a Japanese guy with that car and that's a Mexican guy with that car and it's a black dude.
- [68:45]
Alonzo Bowden
But you know what that was? It was drag racing, which. Which if you're, you know, if you live in a city, you're not going to be cornering. You know what I mean? We, like, we didn't have a Mulholland drive to race on, right. You had. You had the street. So you built bikes to drag race because that was the type of racing that you found.
- [69:02]
Adam Carolla
Alonzo, True American success story. Came out here from New York after going to like an aviation high school and got recruited by North. No, Lockheed, to come out in the San Fernando Valley as a young man and work at Lockheed and worked on all the cool stuff.
- [69:23]
Alonzo Bowden
Right. Worked on the stealth fighters, worked on private jets. Work. Yeah, definitely. Got to work on some very cool.
- [69:30]
Adam Carolla
Got to spend time with the SR71.
- [69:33]
Alonzo Bowden
No, I didn't get to work on the Blackbird.
- [69:35]
Adam Carolla
Well, not work on it, but you saw it, right?
- [69:36]
Alonzo Bowden
I saw it. And yeah, the cool thing.
- [69:39]
Adam Carolla
Also the name of Alonzo's penis. The Blackbird.
- [69:42]
Alonzo Bowden
Yeah. Well, they travel at the same speed. I'm not bragging.
- [69:46]
Adam Carolla
I'm just saying that is the hottest thing ever created by a human being.
- [69:51]
Alonzo Bowden
Unbelievable.
- [69:52]
Allison Rosen
He said that while looking at your penis?
- [69:54]
Alonzo Bowden
Yeah, And I'm comfortable. Comfortable with that.
- [69:56]
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
- [69:56]
Alonzo Bowden
Because I'm doing what it takes to move up to number one.
- [69:58]
Adam Carolla
Move up to number one.
- [69:59]
Alonzo Bowden
And. And if, you know, if I got to take a little visual abuse to be number one, I'm all right with you.
- [70:04]
Adam Carolla
Do what it takes. Yeah. I mean, don't let me put words in your mouth or urethra. But seriously, the SR71, the greatest achievement of man ever, really.
- [70:16]
Alonzo Bowden
And they never declassified how fast it is. They always just say Mach 3 plus. And I've heard Mach 5. I don't know really. I do remember a test pilot saying that he overshot an air to air refueling in New Mexico. And they said the next shot was over Florida. And he said, I'll be there in 20 minutes.
- [70:40]
Adam Carolla
Insane. Like, literally faster than a bullet.
- [70:44]
Alonzo Bowden
Yeah. They had to redesign missiles. The plane was so fast it could not fire a missile because it was faster than the missiles. So they had to redesign the missiles to, you know, otherwise like, he'd have launched them and then he'd have shot himself.
- [70:58]
Adam Carolla
It's an unbelievable aircraft because it was really designed in the 50s, 60s, you know, built in the 60s. I mean, it was not all the computers and technology that we have now. It was there. Was built back in the day.
- [71:13]
Alonzo Bowden
It was one guy, a guy named Kelly Johnson.
- [71:15]
Adam Carolla
Kelly Johnson.
- [71:16]
Alonzo Bowden
Who would. This guy was an unbelievable genius. Designed.
- [71:19]
Adam Carolla
Hold on. You guys don't have a picture of this thing we've been talking about for 18 minutes. Thank you.
- [71:23]
Alonzo Bowden
Yeah. The fastest aircraft, the highest flying aircraft. And he had a lot to do with the stealth design, with beating radar.
- [71:31]
Pluto TV Announcer
I mean.
- [71:31]
Alonzo Bowden
And it's one guy who, you know, worked for Lockheed from. Yeah, from the 60s. Well, probably from the late 50s up until close to 1980.
- [71:42]
Adam Carolla
The Kelly Johnson thing was interesting because he was the first guy who wanted to do the Delta wing, just the flying triangle, just like the flying Bat wing. And Everyone sort of laughed at him, said, nah, you don't make an airplane that way. And they didn't have the technology to really pull it off back in the day. But he was always like, that's the future. And everyone's like, ah, get out.
- [72:05]
Andy Dick
What is that?
- [72:05]
Adam Carolla
Oh, yeah, it's a World cup holder. Like the soccer tournament. World cup holder for the world. Fits every car, holds every cup.
- [72:13]
Andy Dick
It has a Carvana logo.
- [72:14]
Adam Carolla
Carvana made it. They buy and sell cars, so they made a car cup holder.
- [72:19]
Alonzo Bowden
So.
- [72:21]
Adam Carolla
Got any good cups lately?
- [72:22]
Allison Rosen
Used to.
- [72:23]
Adam Carolla
Just couldn't figure out where in the
- [72:24]
Andy Dick
world to put them.
- [72:24]
Adam Carolla
The World cup holder brought to you by Carvana. Proud sponsors of the World cup holder, sign up today to win yours@cup-holder2026.com not authorized or endorsed by FIFA. Not a real product for parody and
- [72:34]
fair use purposes only.
- [72:34]
Right here, old man. And then when the stealth stuff came around, that's basically his whole design.
- [72:41]
Alonzo Bowden
The bomber was the flying wing. The fighter which Lockheed built, that was the one that had all the weird angles on it. Right. You know the.
- [72:49]
Adam Carolla
So you guys built the bomber?
- [72:51]
Alonzo Bowden
We built the fighter. Oh, built the fighter. And the big thing with that was, you know, the Bumblebee can't fly. That's what we built. From an aerodynamic standpoint, like a bee's wings are not big enough for it to fly.
- [73:03]
Adam Carolla
Right.
- [73:04]
Alonzo Bowden
Well, it's the same thing with that. From any aerodynamics, that plane shouldn't fly.
- [73:08]
Adam Carolla
What did you work on on that plane?
- [73:11]
Alonzo Bowden
I worked on all the hydraulics, so I worked on all the control surfaces.
- [73:15]
Adam Carolla
The landing gear control surfaces are like the flaps and the rudders and stuff you see moving when the plane's coming
- [73:22]
Alonzo Bowden
in to land or take off or whatever, brakes. And I did testing of just about everything on the plane short of the engines. Like when my crew got to it, the engines weren't in yet, but we tested every other system. And then sometimes we would mount the engines. But once the engines were mounted, then it was shipped out to the secret test site and they took it from there.
- [73:45]
Adam Carolla
And how far before this thing came out were you aware of it? Was it years?
- [73:50]
Alonzo Bowden
Yeah, years. Yeah. We started working on it. I don't even know if I can say this now. So if I go to Leavenworth, I shouldn't have said this.
- [73:59]
Adam Carolla
I'll get you.
- [74:00]
Alonzo Bowden
I started there in 1980.
- [74:01]
Adam Carolla
Me and Dag will visit you. So you started there in 80?
- [74:04]
Alonzo Bowden
In 80. And we were building it. We were building the prototype. The first, I think I started on like the third one.
- [74:10]
Adam Carolla
You picked a good year to get to Lockheed, man.
- [74:13]
Alonzo Bowden
I did.
- [74:13]
Adam Carolla
I mean, and people forget the Cold War. I mean, secrets and Cold War. And the Russians couldn't know about this one. And this was a plane that was going to evade enemy radar. I mean, this is science fiction.
- [74:28]
Alonzo Bowden
You know what this was? This was the $600 hammer and the $10,000 toilet seat.
- [74:34]
Adam Carolla
That's where the money went.
- [74:35]
Alonzo Bowden
They were being built on an assembly line for the P3 right next to us. Like. Like their buildings are over here. And we're here in the top secret area. So that you're paying $10,000 for a toilet seat. Because that money's funding this top secret thing that nobody. That nobody knows about. And it was a congressman who leaked the secret. Like, he wanted to score votes and say. And he was like, hey, look what we financed. And everybody was like, excuse me, shut up. That's how it happened.
- [75:03]
Adam Carolla
Do you miss that? I mean, you miss that sort of camaraderie, having your crew working with your hands being all important? Yeah, I was just feeling like at the end of the day, you did something.
- [75:14]
Alonzo Bowden
That was the cool thing. That was the cool thing. You actually. You actually had a job where you built something at the end of the day. And. Yeah, it was like the team effort to get something done. I think the only thing in showbiz, in entertainment that's like, that is a movie crew. Right? Like the, you know, the crew guys, the grip guys and the electric and the art guys who build a set. Like, they're the ones who go home tired and they look at the movie and they're like, hey, you see that fake building? Yeah, we built that shit. You know, that was the feeling of building an airplane. So, yeah, you definitely took some pride when the plane went out and I got to entertain the pilots in Kuwait on a USO tour.
- [75:51]
Adam Carolla
Oh, really?
- [75:52]
Alonzo Bowden
That was really cool to be there and actually see it, you know, in action.
- [75:57]
Adam Carolla
The guys who flew the plane.
- [75:59]
Alonzo Bowden
Yeah. And while the planes were there, they freaked out because I knew so much about them. Sure. Like, how do you know all this? And I was like, before you were born, I was working on this. Young, right? Young. Top Gun, Hot Shot.
- [76:10]
Adam Carolla
Cuz Exhibit was here last week and he didn't know, by the way, Lonzo, the TV show. Wait, wait, don't tell me. The BBC game show or it's a quiz show. I hear it on NPR all the time.
- [76:27]
Alonzo Bowden
It's an NPR show and they're televising it on BBC America. And we're not even sure how that's worked. Like, you know, basically the BBC said, okay, we're gonna take it, and then we're gonna take the feed to the UK and send it back to you, and you can watch it in the states.
- [76:44]
Adam Carolla
And that's December 23rd. December 23rd, BBC America. Also, Lon is going to be at the Improv, the DC Improv Washington, that is this weekend. Herman Cain's opening for me December 8th through the 11th. I'm getting it out there that I was banging his wife for a while in the mid-90s. So spread it around.
- [77:02]
Alonzo Bowden
All right.
- [77:03]
Adam Carolla
Orlando Improv, December 29th through January 1st. I should say. Lonzo, you want to hang in and do some news?
- [77:11]
Alonzo Bowden
Yeah, absolutely.
- [77:12]
Adam Carolla
Let's do that. Let me give a little love to stamps.com before we do that. Oh, what a time we're living in. Don't need to go to the post office anymore. You got stamps.com. you can print postage on your own computer. So nice. And they'll give you a scale and you can weigh it and then you send it. And you don't have to even go to the. You don't have to go to the box anymore. You just hand it to the mailman when he shows up. Do big stuff, small stuff, whether you're running a business or you just, you know, running a household. Stamps.com. they got a special offer. They got the free scale, and they have 55 bucks worth of free postage. 55 bucks. I feel like that would last you for a while, but you got to tell them Adam sent you. Go to stamps.com, click on the microphone and the top of the homepage. Type in Adam. That is stamps.com promo code Adam. 55 bucks worth of free stuff. All right, postage. That is Allison Rosen news. Now the rest of the news with Allison Rosen.
- [78:17]
Allison Rosen
Well, we had started talking about the fact that Herman Cain suspended his campaign. He made an announcement on Saturday, the very end. He quoted the Pokemon movie.
- [78:27]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, he's been using. Why was he doing that?
- [78:32]
Allison Rosen
He had used it in interviews before. Let me find it. It is. Life can be a challenge. Life can seem impossible. It's never easy when there is so much on the line. But you and I can make a difference. He previously said that he had attributed it to a poet, but it's from a song that was used in the Pokemon movie.
- [78:51]
Adam Carolla
Did somebody give him some bad information and was, like, fucking with him?
- [78:56]
Allison Rosen
You would think, yes, but that hasn't come out.
- [78:59]
Adam Carolla
Hmm.
- [79:00]
Allison Rosen
I think it just resonated with him. Good.
- [79:02]
Alonzo Bowden
Is that the line he used on the women. You and I could make a difference in my pants. And it worked. And he said, I'm gonna run with this one.
- [79:11]
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
- [79:11]
Alonzo Bowden
I'm gonna go with it.
- [79:12]
Adam Carolla
Maybe there's some confusion. Like, someone's like, you into Pokemon? Yeah, I'll poke you, man.
- [79:16]
Alonzo Bowden
Yeah.
- [79:16]
Adam Carolla
No, no. Pokemon. Yeah, I said, I'll poke you, man. No, no, no. You know, Pokemon. Yeah, fine. Wanna sound like a Rastafarian, I'll fuck you, Pokemon. Bend over. They're gonna do real nice. Who's on first with Kane and Pokey man. That should be his nickname. Pokey Man.
- [79:35]
Alonzo Bowden
It will be.
- [79:36]
Adam Carolla
Yeah. How now does his wife. I gotta ask you this, Alonzo. Did his wife know about any of this or all of it?
- [79:45]
Allison Rosen
You're asking him as a black.
- [79:46]
Adam Carolla
I'm asking you as a man of color, because that's how our society's been crafted. We don't speak for everybody.
- [79:53]
Alonzo Bowden
We don't claim him. That's an interesting thing.
- [79:55]
Adam Carolla
Why you don't.
- [79:56]
Alonzo Bowden
He is one that, like, you know. How. You know, You. You've been around us. You got two other black friends, and,
- [80:02]
Adam Carolla
you know, I got.
- [80:03]
Alonzo Bowden
You're watching the news, Marlon, and somebody black does something stupid, right? And you guys look at us for the explanation.
- [80:09]
Adam Carolla
Yeah. Why would we do that?
- [80:10]
Alonzo Bowden
We give you one.
- [80:11]
Adam Carolla
I do that every once in a while when I see commercial about renting furniture, too. Is that you guys? Is that. Do you rent that?
- [80:17]
Alonzo Bowden
But with Herman, he's not ours. Like, you look at us, we're like, nah. Conservative.
- [80:21]
Adam Carolla
Nah, you don't have it.
- [80:22]
Alonzo Bowden
The minute you become a black conservative, you're on your own. Because there's no frame of reference in the black community for Herman Cain. There isn't another one like him. Nobody says, you know, yeah, I knew a guy like that at the barbershop. Like, no, you didn't.
- [80:37]
Adam Carolla
So I. Martin Lawrence never did that character.
- [80:40]
Alonzo Bowden
I don't know, you know. Does his wife know? I think she's. I think either she knows or she's just like, well, he goes out and goes to work. Like, maybe he's rich and has some mansion somewhere, and she sits in the house just blind to the entire world.
- [80:55]
Adam Carolla
Let me ask you to speak to the entire black community again.
- [80:57]
Alonzo Bowden
He ain't ours.
- [80:58]
Adam Carolla
All right, but this is about her. I have this feeling that white chicks got some sort of false sense of something where it's like, guys aren't supposed to look at other. I mean, I'll tell you who's taken it to a New level, the Jews. I mean, the guy's supposed to make all the money and he can't look at another chick's ass. And he can't even go to a strip club if it's a bachelor party and stuff like that. Like, the black chicks understand that if the dude is providing and he's paying the bills and he's keeping the lights on and a pretty good sized house and he ain't fucking their sister, but every once in a while when he goes out on, you know, he's going out to work and make more money and get a little strange pussy and come back again. Wear a condom. I'll look the other way.
- [81:46]
Alonzo Bowden
Yeah, there's a bit of a. And I don't even know if it's a black thing, but there's a bit of a don't ask, don't touch it.
- [81:51]
Adam Carolla
I call it throwback.
- [81:52]
Alonzo Bowden
It's like athletes, you know?
- [81:53]
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
- [81:54]
Alonzo Bowden
The athlete's wife, she knows, but she doesn't know. You remember when James Worthy got popped? That's what he got. It wasn't that he was fucking around. It was like, you've just embarrassed me. Like, Right.
- [82:05]
Adam Carolla
You know, I know what you do.
- [82:06]
Alonzo Bowden
She's not stupid.
- [82:07]
Adam Carolla
Well, yeah. What basically I'm saying is I feel like it's sort of like where we were back in the Mad Men days. Like, white dudes used to be able to pull that shit off, too. They just can't do it anymore. Whereas, like. Listen, sweetie, you understand, I love you and I love the kids, and I'm gonna take care of you and I'm gonna take care of the family, and I'm gonna send the kids to college. But I travel a lot and sometimes I get a boner.
- [82:28]
Allison Rosen
Does that really work?
- [82:30]
Alonzo Bowden
I don't think, as a woman, does that work? Like, would you accept that?
- [82:36]
Allison Rosen
Not if I knew.
- [82:37]
Adam Carolla
Not that.
- [82:37]
Alonzo Bowden
No, wait. No, wait. No. You're saying that if you're living in a mansion and he's worth what's chain worth? A few hundred million dollars. I mean, we're not talking about having a guy who works at the plant.
- [82:48]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, that's.
- [82:49]
Alonzo Bowden
We're talking about you have a lifestyle, you can have anything you want. You can do whatever you want. And basically you don't know that he's fucking around. You just don't want to know.
- [82:59]
Adam Carolla
Right.
- [83:00]
Alonzo Bowden
The ultimate don't ask, don't tell situation.
- [83:02]
Adam Carolla
And you don't have to. You don't have to love the guy. He's on the road 200 days out of the year. Anyway, you might have a few pool
- [83:10]
Alonzo Bowden
boys around the house yourself.
- [83:12]
Adam Carolla
Well, that and a credit card. You could take it out on a.
- [83:17]
Alonzo Bowden
Suddenly, you gotta think about it.
- [83:18]
Allison Rosen
What you're talking about is like a very cynical sort of arrangement where you've already. I'm coming from it like I'm gonna marry someone that I'm in love with as opposed to. I'm gonna make this decision because I want a certain lifestyle.
- [83:31]
Adam Carolla
But also, you call it cynical. In a way, it's just being realistic. Yeah, I do think. I mean, at the risk of sounding like an old douchebag, I do think back in the day, women didn't want it all in quotes like, I need to have a career. I need to have kids. I need to have my man worship me. They understood that a guy that brought home the bacon and took care of you and took care of the kids and provided that was worth something. And if that dude needed to blow off a little steam on top of some chick named Trixie once in a while when he was out in Dallas on a business trip, that was just sort of part of doing business. Oh, that was. That was Michael Lynch's new kid, by the way. I was trying to think of a stripper name from the 50s.
- [84:23]
Allison Rosen
It was Roxy.
- [84:24]
Alonzo Bowden
Well, you know who else plays that game? The Italians. Oh, yeah, because they got a thing that. My wife doesn't do that so I can have other chicks that are freaky shit. Because that's the mother of my children. So it doesn't.
- [84:38]
Adam Carolla
That'd be a good argument. Oh, yeah, sweetie.
- [84:42]
Alonzo Bowden
She's the mother of my children. But this other chick, she doesn't. That doesn't count.
- [84:46]
Adam Carolla
My dad's dad did a lot of that. Just kind of hung out. Didn't do too much, you know. Probably fucked around with the chicks. Yeah, it's kind of an Italian thing. And, you know, look, the women. I think it came with the territory back in the day. And there's a lot of shit that went the way the dodo that people wouldn't put up with today. And I understand that. But another part, I feel like we've overshot it a little bit. Like, if Herman Cain's wife understands, knows, loves him or loves their arrangement, maybe it's an arrangement. Maybe that's what it is.
- [85:21]
Alonzo Bowden
I've been married 43 years, so that is old school.
- [85:24]
Adam Carolla
It doesn't have to be loveless. It can just be. I understand. You fuck somebody and it's meaningless to you when you're on the road.
- [85:30]
Alonzo Bowden
Have you ever taken a Look at Herman Cain. Maybe she's like, you know something? I don't have to fucking him. Like let somebody else put up with. I don't have to pretend anymore.
- [85:40]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, somebody milk him, please, so he doesn't come after me.
- [85:45]
Allison Rosen
Ginger White, the one who he had the alleged 14 year affair with, gave an interview and she said that she suspects the wife was like, did on some level know, but was deleting.
- [85:55]
Adam Carolla
I can't say on some level because everybody on some level knows everything.
- [85:59]
Allison Rosen
Well, but was, you know, pretending she didn't know.
- [86:03]
Adam Carolla
Well, yeah, there's no way you can do that much of what he was doing.
- [86:07]
Allison Rosen
Well, here's my question though. So let's say. Let's say that Lynette didn't care or was in the dark or whatever would do you. Would you go for that? Is that what, what would work for you?
- [86:21]
Adam Carolla
To destroy my marriage?
- [86:22]
Allison Rosen
No, I'm not trying to.
- [86:24]
Adam Carolla
I am saying and. And various guys are wired in very different ways. I am saying if my wife said, I don't give a shit if you get a blowjob when you're out on the road, I don't give a fuck about it. It doesn't mean anything to me. It wouldn't mean anything to me either. You see, it means something to women. And you guys graft that onto us. You don't realize that it doesn't mean anything to us. Guy can go to a fucking.
- [86:56]
Allison Rosen
What I'm trying to ask is if you're committed in a monogamous relationship or marriage, does it begin to mean something to the guy? And you're saying, no, no, it does.
- [87:05]
Adam Carolla
It does. You do love that person and you love your family and you love everything you've created. On the other hand, you go to a bachelor party and you've had a few cocktails and a chick's giving you a lap dance and she's 19, she has a Russian accent and you got a boner. That doesn't mean anything. You get a blowjob from that chick and come home and it doesn't mean anything.
- [87:27]
Alonzo Bowden
That's the thing. He maintained a relationship with another woman. Like every woman says, that is something. Every woman is like, if you're gonna cheat, go bang some chick and never see her again. But when you maintain a 13 year relationship with this chick, that's the slap in the face. That's a fuck you to the wife.
- [87:46]
Adam Carolla
That's emotional. Yeah, well, most chicks would say they would be more pissed off about a lot of intimate texts and emails, flowers and cards and oh, it's your birthday and all that kind of stuff. Rather than the harmless Russian stripper blah chat. And then Trixie.
- [88:06]
Alonzo Bowden
Yeah, he's cheating on his mistress.
- [88:08]
Allison Rosen
Come on, you guys.
- [88:09]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, the relationship thing, that's cheating on
- [88:11]
Alonzo Bowden
his mistress with the chicks at the office, like that was another thing. So he was cheating to the second power. It's like, okay, you got the wife, the mistress, then you got office hoes. And that is where they drew the line and said, well, you're not going to be president.
- [88:25]
Adam Carolla
That was a. His cock had a pyramid scheme going.
- [88:29]
Allison Rosen
A cock Ponzi scheme.
- [88:31]
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
- [88:32]
Allison Rosen
I received an email from his penis actually.
- [88:34]
Alonzo Bowden
Yeah.
- [88:36]
Allison Rosen
Asked me if I was having financial trouble and how I felt about pizza. According to the new issue of Us Weekly out Friday, Scarlett Johansson is mad because her ex husband Ryan Reynolds is now dating Blake Lively, whom Gary has affections for. I found out earlier even though Johansson ended their two year marriage a year ago. So according to the source, Scarlet is pissed that he's not under her spell anymore. She has realized what a great catch Ryan was.
- [89:02]
Adam Carolla
This isn't a game, this is my life.
- [89:05]
Allison Rosen
Ryan would have gotten back with her. He was so totally in love. But then she flaunted Sean Penn. The fact that she was dating him right after their split and he was done.
- [89:13]
Adam Carolla
Yeah. I gotta say, as far as far as Sean Penn goes, that's manna from heaven, man. I mean when you're, you know, 50 years old, those double Ds come knocking at your door and you're like, I gotta with my ex. So I'm gonna need to you for a little while. Like that's gonna be like wow, awesome.
- [89:30]
Alonzo Bowden
Nothing like revenge pussy.
- [89:31]
Andy Dick
Yeah.
- [89:32]
Adam Carolla
I just had 25 years of Robin Wright and I was. It's not getting any better than that. I guess my best years are behind me.
- [89:36]
Yeah. And then all of a sudden, shot. Who needs a blow job?
- [89:41]
Alonzo Bowden
Whoa.
- [89:43]
Adam Carolla
I've seen you in the movies, baby.
- [89:44]
Alonzo Bowden
Looking at those two pictures. Ryan has range in the women he goes out with. It's not like he has a type.
- [89:51]
Allison Rosen
Right. Because he likes women with both wavy hair and straight hair.
- [89:55]
Alonzo Bowden
That's what it is.
- [89:57]
Adam Carolla
Wavy haired blondes and straight haired blondes. Wow. I could see that.
- [90:02]
Allison Rosen
Could see what? Doing them.
- [90:03]
Adam Carolla
No. Yes. And I could see her feelings feeling that way because as soon as the guy gets with another chick.
- [90:11]
Allison Rosen
Yeah.
- [90:12]
Alonzo Bowden
They're always pissed.
- [90:14]
Adam Carolla
Now who's she with now?
- [90:16]
Allison Rosen
I don't know.
- [90:17]
Adam Carolla
What, what goes on with this? Can two good looking people. I don't think. I think people that are too good looking, can't be together.
- [90:25]
Allison Rosen
It's unfair.
- [90:26]
Adam Carolla
It's. It's unfair.
- [90:27]
Alonzo Bowden
And it doesn't seem to work.
- [90:29]
Adam Carolla
It doesn't seem all right.
- [90:30]
Allison Rosen
Well, they have so much opportunity being just thrown.
- [90:32]
Adam Carolla
They both know if you're Ryan Reynolds and. Or what's her name, Scarlett Johansson? You just know that you can get anybody. Like, you know that you can watch TV and go, hey, man, who's that super hot chick from the chapstick commercial, right? And if you're Ryan Reynolds, you're like, I can fuck her. And you'll see those commercials, or you just see a movie, or maybe you just saw the town, and he was like, wow, Blake Lively's hot. I'd like to fuck her. And the opportunities are so insane. I mean, they'll literally just have their agent or their press, whatever, just like, literally call master when they want to go out to lunch, tell them it's Ryan Reynolds, and that's it.
- [91:11]
Allison Rosen
This is about to be great. Pod. But what's going on with her breasts in that photo? Do they look weird?
- [91:16]
Adam Carolla
They're heaving. Yeah, they look kind of fake, actually.
- [91:19]
Allison Rosen
But there's not enough cleavage between them. And it looks like some kind of mono boob. I think it's a shadow.
- [91:25]
Alonzo Bowden
You got a lot of squeezing going on there with the top.
- [91:28]
Adam Carolla
Mm. You know, I did. I did point out to everyone on Loveline 10 years ago, that guy was gonna be a star, said, Ryan Reynolds, you're gonna be a star one day.
- [91:38]
Alonzo Bowden
Good call.
- [91:38]
Adam Carolla
Two guys, a girl in a pizza place. What made, you know, he was really affable. He was really good looking. He had a great energy, and he was. He was. He was just a great vibe. He was just a great guest, and he looked great. You know, he could. He had it. I think when he walked in the room, it was like, it. And I was like, you're gonna be a movie star. You do movies. And back then, I think it was just like, two guys. Girl in a pizza place was getting canceled.
- [92:03]
Allison Rosen
I agree wholeheartedly.
- [92:05]
Adam Carolla
Thank you.
- [92:06]
Alonzo Bowden
And to Adam's credit, he never said that about me. And I am not a movie star.
- [92:10]
Adam Carolla
That's right.
- [92:11]
Alonzo Bowden
So he's two for two on it.
- [92:12]
Adam Carolla
That's right.
- [92:14]
Allison Rosen
That is something, though, what you're saying about how you can not. You can dump someone, and then the minute they're with someone else, all of a sudden you have that pang of like, oh, what did I do?
- [92:22]
Adam Carolla
Well, especially when it's another celebrity because you gotta see them together.
- [92:27]
Allison Rosen
But even if it's just a regular person.
- [92:28]
Adam Carolla
Oh, yeah, for sure, for sure.
- [92:30]
Allison Rosen
So the Atlantic has this story what America looked like. 70s hitchhiker longing for a ride. And they. They have this photo, which we're gonna pull up of this Super 70s guy holding a puppy, hitchhiking. And I wanted to bring it in because over Thanksgiving, I was with some people who were having a conversation about how they used to hitchhike and how people didn't even think twice about hitchhiking.
- [92:53]
Adam Carolla
Right.
- [92:54]
Allison Rosen
Which is so anathema to me. I mean, I've always. My entire life, it's been. You'd never hitchhike. It's totally unsafe. And then I was thinking on the road, you don't even see people hitchhiking anymore. And if you did, you'd think they're crazy.
- [93:06]
Adam Carolla
Well, it is one of those things where there's a perfect split between who's more dicey, the person who's hitchhiking or the person who's picking up the hitchhiker. Because it's a perfect split. You see, in other scenarios, the dicey dude is. You know who he is? Like, he's the butcher.
- [93:26]
Allison Rosen
He's wearing a hot tank.
- [93:27]
Adam Carolla
He's coming to your house to deliver the meat. Like, that's easy. This is one of those things where it's an equal split between super dicey dudes who are picking up hitchhikers in the van, the serial killer guy and then the killer hitchhiker himself. Like, there's. It's rare that there's an activity that is dangerously split right down the middle. Like, hitchhiking is right.
- [93:48]
Allison Rosen
Like skydiving. It's not the ground or the plane that's gonna get fucked. Or the chute.
- [93:54]
Adam Carolla
That's right, just a jumper. Write that down.
- [93:58]
Allison Rosen
But did you ever hitchhike?
- [93:59]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, I used to hitchhike, and I used to pull onto the freeway. I always say this. I miss the super ambitious hitchhiker. Like, I'd pull in on the 101 freeway going north off of Laurel Canyon, and see dudes holding a sign that said Oregon.
- [94:17]
Alonzo Bowden
Yeah.
- [94:17]
Adam Carolla
It'd be like, dude, I'm going to Canoga park, and that's a long run. And I wouldn't take you all the way to Canoga Park, Oregon. Now, I understand maybe it's gonna take three or four rides, but that's fucking ambitious.
- [94:32]
Allison Rosen
It's putting it out to the.
- [94:33]
Pluto TV Announcer
Aim high.
- [94:34]
Alonzo Bowden
Yeah, I hitchhiked when I was a kid, but not in New York. Not where I grew up, but my. My grandmother lived in South Carolina. And odds were you'd catch a ride there. They knew who your family was. Like, it was such a small town thing. They'd start asking who you were related to. So if one of them killed you, then the family knew. Well, he got into Joe's truck. He didn't get in a red truck. No, he got into Joe's truck. We go into Joe's house to find the kid.
- [95:01]
Adam Carolla
I would find that gay dudes would pick you up and use the code, do you want to get high? Which always meant that was a gay thing. And then just dude. Dudes would pick me up, learn that the hard way. Yeah, literally. And I'd get people riding. Eventually.
- [95:17]
Pluto TV Announcer
Yeah.
- [95:18]
Adam Carolla
If you're in your neighborhood, like going up Laurel Canyon and hitchhiking, eventually somebody I knew would pass me and pick me up. I just ran into the chick at the park, Stacy Wallen, who picked me up when I was having the worst day of my life, when I got my motorcycle towed from Culver City when I was painting commercial office buildings when I was 19. And eventually, after the gay guy drove me all the way down Santa Monica and dropped me off on Laurel, she picked me up while I was driving, While I was walking it back up that way. Yeah. Also, like I've said, had the dude from Stand and Deliver, the big Mexican guy. I gotta find that guy. The guy on the far left who's not even a Mexican guy, but he played like a big Mexican guy. That guy picked me up when I was.
- [96:02]
Allison Rosen
Oh, a celebrity pickup.
- [96:04]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, that's after. He was a celebrity at the time. But that's how I got. I got my motorcycle towed. I've had my motorcycle towed three times, but this was. This time it was towed out from under me. Like, the cop pulled me over, said, do you have a license for the motorcycle? I said, I just got my regular driver's license. He said, we're towing it. I said, please, dear God, can I push it over to the side street and take the keys? Just leave it parked legally over here. Nope, we're towing it. I said, I'll just park it there. I'll go to the DMV right now. Towing it. And he towed it. And I hitchhiked down Laurel and that dude picked me up. And we did smoke pot, actually. Best blowjob ever.
- [96:46]
Alonzo Bowden
They got hot.
- [96:47]
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
- [96:48]
Alonzo Bowden
And that's how he learned the code.
- [96:50]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, pick me up. Start talking comedy. And he said I was gonna be in a movie called Stand, Deliver, whatever. And it was a big hit. Like, you know, three months later.
- [96:58]
Allison Rosen
Did you ever almost get into a car and then decide it didn't seem safe and not.
- [97:02]
Adam Carolla
No. I had no self esteem. If you were gonna pick me up, even if the guy, you know, had duct tape and ether and a ski mask, I was like, all right, let's go to Oregon. All right, baby girl, let's wrap this up, shall we?
- [97:16]
Allison Rosen
That's the news. I'm Allison Rosen. Zip it, cunt. Eat more pussy.
- [97:21]
Adam Carolla
That was the news with Alison Rose. Oh, man, the weather out there. Just got back from Denver.
- [97:28]
It's frightful.
- [97:29]
Oh, yeah, it is. Man, it was tough in Denver. Was snowing like crazy in Denver. GoToMeeting. Here's what I want to tell you guys about, brought to you by Citrix. Weather's bad out there. It's windy out here. The power's out. Denver, snowing. Snowing all over the country. Let's not venture out to the cold. Let's stay home, do a little work from home. You can host online meetings from your computer. You can use your iPad, use your iPhone. They even got an app for your Droid. And download the free app, start joining and hosting GoToMeeting sessions even if you're snowed in. That's my point. And you can try it out for 45 days free. 45 days free trial. Visit GoToMeeting.com Click on the Try it free button and use the promo code alert. Look at it. It's six your buddies on there all at the same time right on your computer, your laptop, your iPad, iPhone, even. Unbelievable. And always a quick reminder, Amazon, keep the pirate ship afloat. People gonna do a little Christmas shopping on Amazon. Click over AdamCroll.com hit the banner. Show us a little love. All right, alonzo Bowdoin, everybody. DC Improv this weekend, December 8th through 11th and then Orlando Improv December 29th through January 1st. And look for a show on the BBC December 23rd. Alonzo, always great. See you. By the way, website alonzolive.com find out where all the shows are. Twitter him at Alonzo Bowden. Show some love to my second favorite favorite black friend. So until next time. And moving on up. So until next time, this is Adam crawl for bald Brian, Alonzo Bowen and Allison saying, mahalo, Sean. Who needs a blow job? All right, this Adam K Show 714. This whole weekend, I'm trying to play episodes that have never been played on classics before, including this next episode, Adam K Show 720 to Andy Dick Marshall Cook, the director of the film Andy was in along with Allison Rose. And Brian bishop, also from 2011. Podcasting isn't just about talking. It's about growing, engaging and monetizing. And that's where Podcast One Pro comes in. Whether you're an independent creator or a major brand, Podcast One Pro gives you the tools you need to take your podcast to the next level. We're talking about premium hosting, advanced analytics, dynamic ad integration, and expert distribution. All designed to maximize your reach and revenue. Plus, with access to Podcast One's industry leading network, you'll be connected to top tier advertisers and a massive audience. It's time to go pro and turn your passion into profit. Visit podcastonepro.com to get started today. Podcast One Pro. The power behind the podcast. O'Reilly Auto Parts. Yeah, love that jingle. Oh, oh, oh. So they're in the business of keeping your car on the road. We know that. They're also, you know, I don't have too many car issues. Usually I can figure them out, but if I can't, I go to O'Reilly and they got all the stuff there. Mostly stuff for me because the new stuff's like a computer. But my vintage cars, man, I can get a lot of parts from O'Reilly. They got thousands of parts in stock, either in store or online. So you never have to worry if you get in a jam. Also, they'll test your battery for free, and if it needs to be replaced, they'll help you find the right one. So whether you're a car aficionado or an auto novice, you'll see the employees at O'Reilly Auto Parts are helpful and friendly. O'Reilly is your one stop shop for all things auto. Do it yourself. It's O'Reilly Auto Parts.
- [101:38]
Andy Dick
Right?
- [101:38]
Adam Carolla
Dawson, stop by O'Reilly Auto Parts today or visit us@O'ReillyAuto.com Adam that's O'ReillyAuto.com Adam.
- [101:49]
Pluto TV Announcer
Hello and welcome to Plutofo. If you know the name of the movie you'd like to see, just stream it for free on Pluto tv, where all your blockbuster favorites are landing all summer long. Catch. Anchorman, the Legend of Ron Burgundy.
- [102:01]
Adam Carolla
Fantastic.
- [102:02]
Pluto TV Announcer
Men in Black, one through three.
- [102:04]
Adam Carolla
That's what I'm talking about.
- [102:05]
Pluto TV Announcer
Mean girls. Shut up, Titanic.
- [102:08]
Adam Carolla
I'm the king of the world.
- [102:09]
Pluto TV Announcer
And so much more. For showtimes, press nothing. They're free 24. 7.
- [102:14]
Allison Rosen
That is so fast.
- [102:15]
Pluto TV Announcer
On Pluto TV. Stream now. Pay never.
- [102:22]
Adam Carolla
Good day, Bald Brian. I believe that the Jews should be killed. The good thing about that is no one will ever know. It's Chris Titus. Oops. Good Day, Allison Rosen.
- [102:34]
Allison Rosen
Hello, Adam. Carolla.
- [102:35]
Adam Carolla
Get a little love to our friends over at Firestone. Not the tire company, but the beer company brought us many a case of brewskis, and I don't think there's any teetotalers in this group or folks that will not hoist some rum cake or some fudge. I mean, you drop off some shit here, it gets consumed. There's many a case of wine, many a case of beer. I've eaten a couple books, many a quesadilla. Yeah. Anything that gets dropped off gets consumed. So thank you. Thank you very much.
- [103:10]
Children, pets.
- [103:11]
Yeah, it's got a nice gift out there. Like, I. It was funny. I was looking at.
- [103:17]
Oh, the Dom.
- [103:18]
Yeah, I was. What's that whole bad. Well, the thing that was funny is I look and I see, oh, it looks like a nice bottle of champagne. And then I see it's a bottle of Dom Perignon, and I go, wow, that's a really nice bottle of champagne. And then I think it's delivered in a sort of a generic, like, gift
- [103:37]
Allison Rosen
basket kind of thing.
- [103:38]
Adam Carolla
No, I didn't know there was a basket attached to it.
- [103:41]
Allison Rosen
There's not. But from far away, it looks like a gift basket.
- [103:43]
Adam Carolla
It's more like leaflets on a windshield kind thing. Like, here you go, here you go, here you go. I don't know why I walked up on it. Okay, here's what I'm good at. I just walk up on stuff and I go. And I can kind of tell what that is.
- [103:59]
My dog.
- [104:00]
Yeah.
- [104:01]
Allison Rosen
Sniffing out piles.
- [104:03]
Adam Carolla
I just know the difference between a. This guy's a huge fan, and he was waiting for you, and he wanted to give you this personally, and here you go. That's a Here you go bottle. That is a $130 bottle of champagne delivered like it's a $9 bottle of champagne. Do you know what I'm saying? And thus, rich guy.
- [104:28]
Allison Rosen
Yes. Rich guy who has a secretary or assistant doing the gifts.
- [104:33]
Adam Carolla
No, I'm not trying to diminish it. I'm just saying you don't take bottles of Dom and deal them like you're dealing playing cards. You know what I mean? That's.
- [104:42]
That'd be a sweet power move, though.
- [104:44]
Yeah, it would. And then especially if you could do that full thing. Yeah.
- [104:47]
Allison Rosen
I'd give someone a beer can wrapped in tissue.
- [104:49]
Adam Carolla
I have a Dom shoe. I feel like in Vegas.
- [104:51]
Yeah. Yeah. And then you clap and. Yeah. And you give me a bottle of champagne, I cut it.
- [104:57]
That's exactly letty luck, right? Down the middle.
- [105:00]
So I'm looking, I'm looking at this bottle of $130 champagne and. But it also looks again, like it just. It looks like it was handed out to way more than me.
- [105:10]
Allison Rosen
Yes.
- [105:11]
Adam Carolla
That has that feeling, you know, that. You know what I'm saying? You know the gift from the realtor, the local realtor, where you come up and you go, oh, little American flag wrapped in some pebbles or something. And you go, yeah, like at first you go, oh, this is something. And then you start to look at it and you go, oh, everyone gets one of these. It had that vibe to me, except for it's expensive. So I started to think, is it every podcast host? Who the hell is handing these things out? And then Matt said, oh, that's from Seth MacFarlane. And I thought, there's a guy probably got a couple grand to set aside to hand out nice bottles of Dom Perignon to people.
- [105:51]
Allison Rosen
What do you think he gives his real friends?
- [105:54]
Adam Carolla
Probably, I would say the actual Back to the Future car, one of the five that was produced. Or those are ruby slippers.
- [106:03]
Allison Rosen
Both.
- [106:05]
Adam Carolla
Reminds me of the exact opposite of Seth MacFarlane, which are the Corollas. And told the story before. Tell it again. Very telling. You know, when a family member, even just a friend or someone, you know, does a little. They let. They show you their hand, their emotional hand, they usually play it pretty close to the vest, but you get a little idea and that thing, even though you may just be talking about a specific item, you realize it's sort of all encompassing. Like, you ever have someone do something and go, yep, that's them. But it may just be one item. Sort of like Brian putting the pillow down on the floor first dog. Oh, yep, that's Brian.
- [106:49]
Allison Rosen
That's a guy who likes sushi.
- [106:51]
Adam Carolla
He likes him. Yes. So my mom did one of these great moves about 10 years ago. She. As soon as I got into show business. My mom is one of these people that likes expensive champagne but would never ever spend, you know, forget $130. She wouldn't spend $33 on a bottle of champagne. I mean, you know, I'd say Trader Joe's $9. That's her limit. Two good, horrible champagne stories involving my family. So mind me tell you grandma's. But I guess the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree. I show up at grandma's house or the grape one day and it's like Mother's Day something. But it's also, I missed my mom's birthday or something two weeks earlier, whenever it was. So I show up at grandma's house, and the only human beings at Grandma's house are Grandma, my sister, my sister's husband, my mother, my mother's husband, and me and grandpa's ghost, I'd like to think, in the form of a super smelly cardigan. And that's it. That's just my mom and her mom and her husband and her daughter and her son. Like, that's. That's it. It's the core. It's. It's six people. It's the only family she has. It's the core. And I show up and I say, you know, happy Mother's Day or whatever it is. And I hand her a bottle of Dom. And she says, oh, this is so nice. This is so generous. Wow, you brought us a lovely bottle of champagne. We should chill this now and enjoy it. And I said, no, this is a gift for you. I brought this as a gift. This is for you. I didn't bring this for everyone. Because my family's super cheap and super entitled. They would always say to me, if there was any kind of function or anything, you bring the champagne, because we'll bring the sporks and the paper plates and potato salad. You bring the champagne. And by the way, something nice would be appreciated. So it was understood that I was the guy who had the money. So my mom thought I was bringing the champagne, but I corrected her and said, oh, no, this is your birthday gift. And she went, oh. And she sort of looked over her shoulder and went and put it by the front door and hid it under her like a jacket.
- [109:17]
Andy Dick
Like, how would I know that now
- [109:19]
Adam Carolla
that it was for. Now that it was hers?
- [109:22]
Allison Rosen
So communist ideals went out the window.
- [109:25]
Adam Carolla
Very, very poignant. Because she's someone who spent her whole life going, how come the man isn't paying enough? And how come health. Health care and welfare and food stamps and in Canada? So now here's your champagne, and essentially, you become the man. Now you tell us what you're going to do with your champagne.
- [109:48]
Allison Rosen
She's already out of earshot.
- [109:50]
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
- [109:51]
Allison Rosen
That thing hiding it away.
- [109:52]
Adam Carolla
Yeah. That champagne occupied a parka by the front door. There was no sharing that.
- [109:59]
Allison Rosen
No equal distribution.
- [110:00]
Adam Carolla
It was immediate squirreling away. And that's with the core. And by the way, she didn't pay for it. I just gave it to her. But it was like, oh, shit, I gotta save this. I don't know for what occasion, and
- [110:10]
Allison Rosen
I gotta hide it from the rest of the family, whom I love so much.
- [110:13]
Adam Carolla
We'd already established that she wanted champagne. That much we knew we'd already established it. She was ready to go. And then I said, that's yours. And she went, zip. I love that. That's nice. That in my mind. And maybe this is just cathartic. That is the problem with a lot of the folks that aren't pulling their weight and doing a lot of pointing at you with your dom. I would like to know how you would feel if you were the guy in charge of paying or handing out. I want to see just how generous you would be.
- [110:50]
Allison Rosen
Right. If your ideals were enforced and that meant you would be doing with less as opposed to gaining something from it.
- [110:57]
Adam Carolla
I just want to flip flop, have you be the man, put you up in the 35% tax bracket and see if you think you should go to 40. I doubt my mom would want to go to 40. I saw what she did with the bottle of champagne. She ditched it.
- [111:13]
Pluto TV Announcer
It.
- [111:14]
Adam Carolla
The other one that was good was. I had a good one with my, with my grandma, which is. I remodeled her goddamn den. She had a den. I sent Ozzy over there and the boys over there and it was like a full remod. And I just paid for everything. And it was probably about eight grand, five, eight grand worth of stuff. Ozzy does a little gouge. And she said, well, what do I owe you at the end? And I said, you don't owe me anything. And she said, I'm not like the rest of these family members. I like to, you know, I like to pay my freight around here. And I said, well, if you're asking, it's probably about 6,500 bucks. And she said, I had $250 in mind. And I said, all right. For full remod. I like, you know, she's living. She lived in 1931 and those are coolies working on her, working in her thing. And I was like, all right, so you didn't. I know in your mind you had 250, but it was, it was 6,500 bucks. But you know what? I don't need the 250. But I'll tell you what I do need. Said, yeah, listen, I just did you a $6,500 remod here. You know how every time we throw one of these chicken shit parties, somebody bothers me and says, why don't you bring two bottles of champagne? Why don't you get the champagne? Because I'm. As I explained. I'll tell you what, grandma, next time your lady who does her shopping for you goes to Trader Joe's, you get a case of champagne. Not $4 bottle champagne, not $30 bottle champagne, but let's make it $12 bottle champagne. They'll give you a break if you buy a cake that's gonna set you. It's gonna set you back with tax. You'll be under $150. You'll then have that case of champagne. And when they bother me to bring the two bottles of champagne to fill in the blank party, you'll do it. That's all I want in return for remodeling this. This living room, this den of yours. And she said, all right. And drive a hard bargain. About a year went by, nothing. And I kept getting hit up for the, you know, bring a couple bottles of champagne, and eventually I said, hey, grandma, remember that deal we had where I remodeled your living room to the den to the tune of, you know, to the tune of.
- [113:42]
Pluto TV Announcer
Thank you.
- [113:43]
Adam Carolla
To the tune of six. And by the way, that's me. That's my price. That's what I can do as a contract. This is a $10,000 gig. Here, here. All I wanted was a bottle of case of champagne. And you were gonna bring those. What happened to that? And she's like, yeah, what did happen to that? Like, I was a little unclear on that. I said, listen, you weren't unclear on it. You tell your lady to go to Trader Joe's and buy a case. And by the way, this is another one of those, how come the government doesn't do any more for people like, okay, bitch, here is your chance. Here is your chance to. Now it's your chance to pay the fiddler just a little bit. And she said, yeah, what was that deal? And I said, that deal was pretty well spelled out. The next time your lady who goes to Trader Joe's twice a week goes there, she's gonna spend an extra $143 on a case of champagne. And then you will bring those two bottles to the party so I don't get hassle. And she said, yeah, okay, I got it now. And about another year went by, she did nothing. And I said, what's up? And eventually I just kind of said, is your lady going to that Trader Joe's tomorrow? She says, yeah. I said, have her buy a case of champagne. I'm tired of dealing with this shit. And I'm starting to get insulted. And she's like, all right. And the next time I saw her, she came back and I said, did what's her nose buy the case? Of champagne. And she said. I said I had her buy six bottles.
- [115:14]
Allison Rosen
Cause she doesn't know how much longer she has on her.
- [115:16]
Adam Carolla
I don't know. I don't know. I'm just saying that's where I come from. And I'm also saying these people never fucking stop bellyaching about why they don't get more. And how come the big man doesn't. How come the fat cats, and how come the government and Canada and healthcare, but when it comes time to do
- [115:35]
Allison Rosen
something, suddenly they get confused about the terms.
- [115:40]
Adam Carolla
I cannot tell you how many people I've said, did you pay this guy for this, that, and the other. And they went, yeah, I think I did. And I go, really? Because I talked to him and he said, you never paid him. I got a whole. My whole family's that way.
- [115:53]
Allison Rosen
How often is it that you don't remember whether you did?
- [115:55]
Adam Carolla
You never, never, never. You know, all the time when somebody goes, I'm pretty sure I paid. So it means. It means no.
- [116:04]
Allison Rosen
Like, do you have any std? Not as far as I know.
- [116:07]
Adam Carolla
I'm pretty sure I paid my gynecologist. Yes, you would. Now, all I'm trying to point out is it's real easy to sit up in the cheap seats and bitch about why and who should be doing more. You reach for your checkbook and let's see just how generous you are. That's what I'm saying. All right. Had some fun with the kids tonight. They did the run and dive off the bed. Natalia does the full blown Superman, just full head first, hands out in front. Sonny gives the run, stops right at the very end, does the small run in place and then runs back again. Then starts to run again, stops, does a small run in place, stops, runs in, plays again, and gets back. And I can see his internal struggle. I can. I know the fight. I know what he's talking about. I know that.
- [117:03]
Pluto TV Announcer
Like.
- [117:05]
Allison Rosen
Like trying to get on an escalator if you're afraid of it.
- [117:07]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, yeah.
- [117:07]
Andy Dick
Just.
- [117:08]
Adam Carolla
Just it runs up to the escalator and then just. She does the head first. And that's a gene. It's a bad gene. It's a sad gene.
- [117:16]
Allison Rosen
Because she's fearless.
- [117:17]
Adam Carolla
Yes. She's gonna be. Don't doing donuts in some parking lot one day, 15 years from now. Probably shooting some, you know, bootleg porn that's gonna go up on YouTube. Yeah, she is. She does the head first. She goes head first. She launches herself head first. She's like, you know, a strong safety on a Blitz. Paloma, pedal onto the ground. She is the. I'm trying to block the field goal and I'm not. You know, once a guy splits out wide enough, they'll leave him alone and they'll just go, I think we can snap it to the holder and we can get this kickoff before you can get to the ball because you're lined up up 14 yards off the tight end. And then when the guy just fucking lays out, that's basically her move where he runs, does the. And then basically does the hold the nose anchor, you know, move. Yeah, he just doesn't have that gene, which is good. I wish they both were missing it. All right, we'll do some get ready with the news. I'll give a little love to our good friends. Up had some fun. Finally got a podcast in with Norm MacDonald. So those of you who have been waiting patiently like a lady waits for her woman to come home from sea. Norm, no potatoes. Oh, yeah, Norm. He's Canadian. Norm is potatoes. Norm is going to be doing a podcast. We'll have him on soon. Very soon. We were shooting something for Jimmy Kimmel live and some kind of hockey bit. He pulled his hamstring today like a poor guy. Like, literally slid his foot out and it just literally pulled a hammy when we were shooting this comedy bit today. Poor Normie. Yeah, the holidays, bad weather, sick days, everyone. Someone gets sick at work, then they go to work and then they start sneezing and coughing and spreading it all over the place. That's why I recommend GoToMeeting. Brought to you by Citrix. Everyone host meetings from your online. Use the computer, use your iPad, use your iPhone, use your Android mobile device. Potatoes. Download your free app. He does say potatoes. Weird, right?
- [119:36]
Allison Rosen
He said potatoes. He wasn't aware he was saying get the free
- [119:42]
Adam Carolla
starting. You start joining or hosting GoToMeeting sessions, even if you're snowed in, even if you're covered by a sack of a little early.
- [119:54]
I'm excited about those potatoes.
- [119:56]
Even if the death rat guy has loaded up his potatoes gun and is firing russet potatoes at you. I'll tell you what never disappoints. Oh, no, you'd have to do it on this one. I'll tell you what never disappoints. Potatoes salad free. 45 days free. You can try it out for free. Visit GoToMeeting.com, click on the try it free button and use the promo code.
- [120:27]
Allison Rosen
Adam, can I ask a question about our potato friend? What is the deal with Norman and the ladies you sort of. We began to talk about it, but then it turned into his driving.
- [120:39]
Adam Carolla
Norm has a kid, as he said. Norm was. All the ladies loved Norm. He was very good looking and there's
- [120:51]
Allison Rosen
a charm about him.
- [120:52]
Adam Carolla
That guy sounds hot. All these stories about all these like models and stuff would go on SNL or come around snl, like throwing themselves at him and all that kind of stuff. And. And he's a weird dude. And I think weird even. Even Trump's pussy or Love of Pussy, but I don't know.
- [121:11]
Allison Rosen
You mean it's more important to him to be weird than to get with the ladies?
- [121:14]
Adam Carolla
Weird's a full time job.
- [121:16]
Allison Rosen
Yes.
- [121:17]
Adam Carolla
Pussy Hound is. It's five days a week or it's work. Mostly weekends you can moonlight, but bangers hours. Weirdo is a full time job and Norm is a weirdo. And I don't know how else to say it. I'm gonna. I'm trying to help the lad, you know, I'm gonna try to teach him to drive. I hope he's down with that. Potatoes. Yeah. Alrighty then. You got some news queued up for us. The news with Allison Rosen. She'll read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. It's Allison Alison and. And when it's time to wrap it up, she'll sign it off with Zip it, cunt. It's Allison. Allison.
- [122:01]
Allison Rosen
Jerry Sandusky back in the news today. He waived his right to a preliminary hearing and he is maintaining his innocence. But here is the best part of the story. His lawyer Amendola said it would be, quote, naive to think that university officials had responded to reports that Sandusky was having anal sex with a 10 year old looking kid in a shower room. And that their response to that would simply be to tell Sandusky, don't go in the shower anymore with kids. He says it's naive to believe that that's how it happened. And to anyone who might believe that, he says, I suggest you dial 1-800-REality because that makes no sense. But guess what happens when you call 1-800-REality. Hit it, Gary. Any go, Gary.
- [122:45]
Adam Carolla
Do it.
- [122:47]
No way. Gary, please try your call again later.
- [122:49]
Allison Rosen
Oh, come on.
- [122:51]
Adam Carolla
Get ready for. All right. All right. Now really, Gary, you guys can have that one figured out, huh? All right, here we go. Hey, guys.
- [123:01]
Andy Dick
Welcome to the hottest place for triple X action.
- [123:05]
Adam Carolla
Get ready for bulge bursting pleasure with horny gay buy and buy curious studs. Just 99 cents per minute for voice, personals and amateur Talk. And only 2.99 per minute for live one on one talk with a hot guy who'll do anything you want. Brought to you by National.
- [123:23]
Allison Rosen
So obviously he didn't realize this is what happens.
- [123:26]
Adam Carolla
Right.
- [123:28]
Allison Rosen
But people are kind of having a field day with it.
- [123:30]
Adam Carolla
I feel like any. There's two things I know. If I miss dial. If I. If I miss a digit when I'm dialing, I will get a crazy foreign accent on the other line. And if I go somewhere else on the web, that's a digit all the. It'll be something gay. Yes, that's. Those are the two things I know, and I'm not happy about that as a society.
- [123:53]
Allison Rosen
In fact, the preponderance of not just gay stuff, but more porn on the Internet makes it so that certain things are impossible to search for.
- [124:00]
Adam Carolla
Mm.
- [124:01]
Allison Rosen
In fact, if you have any sort of gynecological question, you don't want to be searching for that Internet. I said this earlier today. One time, I was trying to find something about the Golden Girls. You can't even search Golden Girls.
- [124:10]
Adam Carolla
Oh, man. I was trying to get my daughter one of those muff warmers for, you know, it's cold outside.
- [124:16]
Allison Rosen
I was trying to have a lemon party.
- [124:18]
Adam Carolla
Mm.
- [124:19]
Allison Rosen
Donald Trump is not going to be hosting that debate that he was going to be hosting that only two Republicans agreed to attend. He pulled out, saying he opted out of the debate because he is unwilling to officially rule out a third party run for the White House. He said, it is very important to me that the right Republican candidate be chosen to defeat the failed and very destructive Obama administration. But if that Republican, in my opinion, is not the right candidate, I am not willing to give up my right to run as an independent candidate. Therefore, so that there is no conflict of interest within the Republican Party, I've decided not to be the moderator of the Newsmax debate. But most people feel that this is disingenuous. And actually he pulled out because only two people decided to show up.
- [125:03]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, he didn't want to look bad, so he pulled out. It's like canceling a concert where you, you know, you have a thousand seat hall, you sell 41 tickets, and then you say, well, somebody's got a heat stroke or something. But it's really. If that place was sold out, you're going out on stage, right?
- [125:20]
Allison Rosen
Yes.
- [125:21]
Adam Carolla
I'd find some Atlantic Rhythm Section music for me, by the way. God damn. I like to drive around, listen to 70s and 80s stations and. And realize how much. And realize just how much I hate certain bands and how much I loathe them and how little I knew I hated them. This sounds like a different version. I don't know why you don't mind it. No, this part, this is a different version. This isn't. That's the car wash version. That's a weird non. Is that the Atlantic Rhythm Section? That's it. That's a re recording. I could tell Dawson, from the first fucking lick of the guitar that it was a beat slower and weird. I could tell by your face that it wasn't right. And I don't even know that fucking song. I mean, I know it, I hate it. Don't get me wrong, I would never buy an Atlantic Rhythm Section album. If you put a fucking gun to both my kids heads and said, look, buy one Atlantic Rhythm Section album, I'd be. No, I'm sorry. Sorry, I just. Just give me a moment. Say goodbye to my kids. That would be it.
- [126:33]
Allison Rosen
Would you say goodbye to first though? Don't answer that.
- [126:35]
Adam Carolla
Okay.
- [126:36]
Allison Rosen
See, that's because you. As you were saying earlier, you can sniff out stuff.
- [126:40]
Adam Carolla
Oh, they sing so into you. Which is. This is a song that I remember hearing when it came out. It just haunts me. Just listen to how shitty this piece of is. It's such a piece of. Listen. There was voodoo in the vag. Where was there voodoo? Where's your voodoo?
- [127:11]
Allison Rosen
I keep mine in my badge Sometimes
- [127:13]
Adam Carolla
it's ran by a star he's captured by a stash but he couldn't catch a rhyme. There's voodoo in your stash. The song was top 10. Here it is. This song gets played frequently on the 70s station and I just always scream at whoever's in the car. Does anyone like this piece of shit?
- [127:39]
Allison Rosen
What if no one's in the car?
- [127:40]
Adam Carolla
I fucking yell it to the headliner and to the heavens. Nobody liked this song. There's nobody who's ever like, I want to hear showing you by the Atlantic Rhythm Section.
- [127:51]
Sounds like a shitty version of Boss Gags.
- [127:53]
It's like someone said, hey boss, come here, let me hit you on the head with a skillet and I'll give you an ether rag. Now I want you to crank out a shitty song. It's like I am so. Find me the lyrics to this song. When she walked into the room. Ah, it was number seven. It got to number seven. John Hyatt has him cracked the top ten. Ah, we're so godamn dumb. Yeah, we get it. You're into you.
- [128:25]
He's so into you.
- [128:26]
So into you. When you walked in the room. There was voodoo in your vibes. In the vibes. Oh, in the vag. I was wrong. All these in the vibes.
- [128:36]
Allison Rosen
But some people call their badge their vibes. Like, oh, good.
- [128:39]
Adam Carolla
I was wrong for 24 years. Yeah, turn it up. He doesn't say vibes. He's like, right.
- [128:53]
Allison Rosen
He may as well be saying
- [128:57]
Alonzo Bowden
by
- [128:57]
Adam Carolla
your style couldn't get your eyes. This song is a top 10 song that continues to be played frequently today. It's such a nauseating piece of.
- [129:17]
Allison Rosen
What was her style that captured him anyway?
- [129:20]
Adam Carolla
She was captured by her vag. It viewed her in her vag. And listen, if I was the city of Atlanta, I would strip these guys of their name and go, listen, you point boring out piece of. Of a rock band. Give us our name back.
- [129:32]
You're just a rhythm section. Now. That was the.
- [129:34]
That was the promotional material that Artie Fufkin used to try to get it on the air. Was the. The vag full of voodoo he over saturated? Oh, just let it go, let it go. Oh, here's where it gets real heavy. He's gonna.
- [129:50]
Allison Rosen
Is it gonna. Is he gonna break it down?
- [129:51]
Adam Carolla
It was a top 10 song. Of course, there was payola being given around. There's no record executive, there's no program. There's no program director who sits down and gives us a spin and goes, hey, man, we got a hit. We have a hit. Yeah, sounds good. Pillowcase. Where the Bolivian marching powder and three blondes. Please, nobody listens to this. This is a zero. Oh, wait, it's gonna keep going. And also, I love when a piece of shit won't die. Like someone goes, you know what? We should take another lap around shit park with this horrible dirge. Here it is.
- [130:33]
While we're at it, rename that park.
- [130:35]
Yes.
- [130:36]
Allison Rosen
Now, the problem with black hair, I have to say, how come when people are trading, they never trade raven haired beauties. So it's three blondes.
- [130:44]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, it's.
- [130:44]
Andy Dick
Sorry.
- [130:45]
Adam Carolla
Well, they're coked up, you know, brunette sisters.
- [130:47]
Allison Rosen
And I would like to know what's up.
- [130:48]
Adam Carolla
They used to do a redhead in the 50s. All right, wait a minute. I think the sun just keeps going. What's the part where he goes, you into me? Me into you, you into. We were driving to Fresno and the other Atlanta rhythm section song came on and I just. Nah, I don't want to hear spooked. Well, though, spooky's a piece of shit too. Let's. Let's listen to this. Let's listen to another. I mean, Somebody, Somebody needs to stop these ass wipes. I mean there should be. You know, you're the person to do it. Listen, you know the blacks want restitution for slavery. I want restitution from the Atlantic rhythm section for so into you and imaginary lover. Right, and what, what did this get to on the charts? They both got to number seven.
- [131:45]
Allison Rosen
I wonder if they're like we can't break out of seven.
- [131:50]
Adam Carolla
How slow and rhythmless.
- [131:53]
Allison Rosen
This a song about masturbation.
- [131:56]
Adam Carolla
I think it's song about beating off in the shower.
- [131:58]
Allison Rosen
Yeah, it's an imaginary lover.
- [132:00]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, yeah. Cuz he's like the.
- [132:03]
Marshall Cook
I like.
- [132:03]
Adam Carolla
He goes. You know when the others turn you away.
- [132:07]
Allison Rosen
Yeah, right. Oh righty. And left.
- [132:13]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, it's like, it's like the badge in the room.
- [132:17]
Allison Rosen
Is that like no one think about the badge in the room?
- [132:20]
Adam Carolla
No, it's like when you walked in the room, there was badge in the air. Yes, real life situation. Here's the part I love. Now look, I don't mind the part where the guy from RCA Records dumped off a mountain of cocaine to the program director to play this piece of shit and got him fucked and bought him a steak. It's called payola. It's what we used to do. And thus the song got played and played and played. And thus it got up into the top 10 on the charts. Wasn't exactly a mountain ace, man. Mountain peak. Sorry Jack. Do we have to continue to punish ourselves for this mistake? Do we have to continue to hear this on the 70s?
- [133:24]
Allison Rosen
Yes. When will the curse be lifted? How long must you pay?
- [133:28]
Adam Carolla
Are they not allowed to play like Led Zeppelin songs on the 70s station? Nobody in classic rock or classic hits radio, nobody wants to take any more chances. They are all scared to death and running for the hills. You're to trying. Chance is not playing a super slow shitty song. It worked then, it works now. It's such a piece of shit. God, the Atlantic rhythm section is horrible. God damn. I hope they're gone. I just hope they're not bringing any pain to a new generation of poor people. I, I mean I. I hope they're playing a Waffle House in Beirut and then being fisted after they're set.
- [134:13]
Allison Rosen
Do they have waffle houses in Beirut?
- [134:15]
Adam Carolla
No, I want to erect a Waffle house in Beirut and then book the Atlantic rhythm section and then grab a handful of sand from the desert and give them a good fisting for this fucking. The pain and heartache they've caused in my life.
- [134:29]
Allison Rosen
I hope you spell it H A U S just because.
- [134:32]
Adam Carolla
Oh, that's right. That makes sense. Yeah. All right. Number one. Number. Number seven, everybody. Top ten. Top ten. That's why you have to throw that fucking top ten. Where the fuck did Rosalita. Forget about John Hyde. Let me see. As high as Rosalita. Bruce Springsteen's Rosalita guy, I guess. 23, hot on the list. Seven and a half minutes of glory. Let's try to figure. Let's figure that one out. Or find out how high Peace, Love and understanding got to. Or something like that. Find me that so I can never, ever stop vomiting. All right, where were we?
- [135:11]
Allison Rosen
Well, Jessica Simpson is going to receive $3 million.
- [135:15]
Andy Dick
What?
- [135:15]
Allison Rosen
From weight Watchers to endorse Weight Watchers after she has her baby. Oh, look, she's carrying her pounds in her breasts.
- [135:25]
Adam Carolla
You.
- [135:25]
Marshall Cook
You.
- [135:26]
Adam Carolla
This thing where people get fat and then just lose weight and then it kick starts their career again. I'm not in. I'm not down with that.
- [135:35]
Allison Rosen
I'm only down with that as a career option down the line.
- [135:39]
Adam Carolla
Is. Is it an option for dudes? Who are the dudes who do this? I mean, what's it all.
- [135:44]
Tommy Lasorda.
- [135:46]
Allison Rosen
You're right. There's a lot of dudes.
- [135:48]
Adam Carolla
Dan Marino.
- [135:48]
Yeah.
- [135:49]
Allison Rosen
Jared.
- [135:50]
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
- [135:50]
Marshall Cook
The biggest.
- [135:50]
Allison Rosen
Subway Jared.
- [135:52]
Adam Carolla
Wow, man. The over under on Jared, you know, 11 years ago when he hit the scene. Six months.
- [136:00]
Allison Rosen
Yeah.
- [136:00]
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
- [136:01]
Allison Rosen
Adam, would you ever gain weight for the money?
- [136:04]
Adam Carolla
I mean, you're talking.
- [136:05]
Allison Rosen
Or for a role even, would you do it?
- [136:07]
Adam Carolla
You're talking to a guy who made fun, you know, Talking about a guy who called Mountain Dew nectar the tards for years and then did a commercial for them, I think a radio spot. And you're talking about a guy who had his.
- [136:20]
Allison Rosen
You're proudly trumpeting your willingness to sell out.
- [136:23]
Adam Carolla
You're talking about a guy who was rejected from the North Hollywood Taco Bell. Application denied. Imagination. Unreal. Oh, no, wait a minute. Sorry.
- [136:34]
Allison Rosen
Vag vibes.
- [136:35]
Adam Carolla
A vagination. Unreal. Denied. Denied. Neither peace, love and understanding nor Rosalita hit the hot 100. But imaginary lover did. And so into you gotten. They both got in the top 10. So therefore that list is meaningless. Is it? Is it? Is there any other conclusion to draw? Then the list is utterly meaningless. Rosalita does not crack the top 100 and so and do you square in the top 10.
- [137:07]
So it's a good snapshot of the time.
- [137:10]
Oh, God. It just shows how fucking stupid people are and how. How much payola was fucking going on back then. Then you. It's impossible to hear someone you and go. That's a hit. It's fucking impossible. You can't do it. It's such a piece of shit.
- [137:27]
All the good old days.
- [137:29]
Jack misses those days at least. Still dresses the same. All right, what are we talking about?
- [137:35]
Allison Rosen
We were talking about your willingness to sell.
- [137:37]
Adam Carolla
I did a Taco Bell commercial. Yeah. I would pack on. I'd pack on the pounds. Sure. I like when they interview the celebrities who have to pack on the pounds for the rolls and they want to
- [137:49]
Allison Rosen
know how they did it.
- [137:50]
Adam Carolla
And they're like, well, I just had a donut for breakfast. It's like, do we really need to talk to people about how you're to put weight on? None of us get the concept of eating a couple extra slices of pizza and having a donut and a milkshake. No one's done that math. Is there ever going to be.
- [138:07]
Allison Rosen
What I don't like is when they're like, oh, I hit the gym every single day and then I woke up at three times in the middle of the night. Drink a protein shake. It's like, why don't you just eat a gallon of ice cream?
- [138:17]
Adam Carolla
Wait a minute, wait a second.
- [138:18]
Allison Rosen
No, they're talking like people who talk about having to bulk up but do it in a healthy. They want to do it in a healthy way.
- [138:23]
Adam Carolla
No, but one is getting fat for a role and the other is playing Thor.
- [138:28]
Allison Rosen
Okay. Yeah, you're right.
- [138:31]
Adam Carolla
Yeah. Those guys get the personal trainers and they drink the protein shakes and the blah, blah. The one is Hugh Jackman and the other's De Niro doing racing.
- [138:39]
Allison Rosen
Yeah. One's getting jacked and one's getting fat.
- [138:41]
Adam Carolla
Right? Right. Yeah.
- [138:44]
Allison Rosen
All right. How would you do it, Adam?
- [138:47]
Adam Carolla
How would I get fat?
- [138:48]
Allison Rosen
Yep.
- [138:49]
Adam Carolla
I think I love me a milkshake and I never drink milkshakes because it's just like, ah, you're just fucking drinking a quart of Haagen Dazs with a pint of cream and a bunch of sugar and whipped cream and stuff. But it's fucking. There's really nothing better than. Nothing better than a milkshake. I'll tell you the best. The best is when you get the milkshake and the guy gives you the frosty metal cup because he's miscalculated and he left about an inch and a half at the bottom of it and he squirts a little whipped cream. I mean, you can suck away on yours, but you always know that's like your auxiliary tank, right? You have a spare, you're running low on Shake. You can go to it. And I always hit the bottom of it a little bit, you know, just to make sure it all slides down.
- [139:31]
You ever been to Cafe 50s here in LA? Yeah, they do that. They have like a 50 milkshake menu. They always give you the S. The
- [139:38]
malted is nice because the malt is its own flavor. Now I'll give you a tip, everybody. And I haven't done it in years, but I swear I'm gonna do this once I get that role where I play Robert De Niro getting fat. This is. We'll call it Raging Boar. It's about him being interviewed and being super boring. So that'd be a good headline for waging war. Well, you know, like, you know, De Niro does a bad appearance on Letterman or something and then. And then the New York Post comes out. Yeah, all right. I love that. So let me give you guys a tip. I used to go to a place called Swensons and I don't think Swensons exist anymore, but they used to be around and I would order like a. Now the root beer float is awesome, except for the consistency is not as good as a shake. The notion of the root beer flavor is awesome, but the shake is a much better consistency. The root beer is the root beer with the ice cream floating in the top. It always gets a little foamy, like
- [140:44]
Allison Rosen
the first 10 minutes. And then it gets weird.
- [140:46]
Adam Carolla
It gets weird. And two different substances trying to mate doesn't really work. Let me give you guys a fucking tip of the lifetime. Are you sitting?
- [140:56]
Allison Rosen
Yes.
- [140:57]
Adam Carolla
Is your imagination unreal?
- [140:58]
Allison Rosen
Uh huh. My vag is in my vibe still.
- [141:02]
Adam Carolla
Go to the malt shop and ask for a sarsaparilla shake, which is. They'll take. Sarsaparilla is root beer. It just tastes like root beer. So they'll take vanilla ice cream and they'll make you shake, but they'll dump in the sarsaparilla so it tastes just like root beer. But it's the consistency of a malt or shake that is hardcore. And sarsaparilla, that's a lot of things. It's not hardcore and it's. And it's old school.
- [141:32]
Allison Rosen
No, it is. It's edgy.
- [141:34]
Adam Carolla
It's edgy.
- [141:34]
Allison Rosen
You're pushing the envelope on normal orders at a malt shop.
- [141:38]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, it's like you just walked into a western bar and asked for a sarsaparilla. Man. I just. I just had a little drop. Drop a semen come out of me.
- [141:50]
Thank God it was little.
- [141:51]
When you walked into the room. There was voodoo in the fan. God, they're a shitty band.
- [141:58]
Allison Rosen
You know your nutmeg argument about how nutmeg is only paired with eggnog.
- [142:04]
Adam Carolla
I'm saying no one has ever announced where's the nutmeg? At any other time other than when there was eggnog present.
- [142:12]
Allison Rosen
Right. Offer, I submit, potentially for your consideration, custard pie. No, no, no, I think I've seen
- [142:20]
Adam Carolla
some on a custard pie.
- [142:21]
Allison Rosen
Oh, yeah.
- [142:22]
Adam Carolla
Is that true?
- [142:23]
Allison Rosen
Yeah, I think you might. I think nutmeg goes on custard.
- [142:26]
Adam Carolla
Am I making that up?
- [142:27]
Andy Dick
Well, that.
- [142:28]
Allison Rosen
No, you're not.
- [142:28]
Adam Carolla
Custard pie is sort of like an eggnog pie, right?
- [142:31]
Allison Rosen
Yes, yes.
- [142:32]
Adam Carolla
All right. But go ahead.
- [142:32]
Allison Rosen
It's a parallel argument. Malt and shakes. When else does anyone need malt, you know, I mean, except for your balls.
- [142:40]
Adam Carolla
They used to have malt, like Quick would make chocolate powder and they would also make malt powder.
- [142:49]
Marshall Cook
Right.
- [142:49]
Adam Carolla
Do you guys remember that?
- [142:50]
Allison Rosen
Yeah, it was store by the Oval team Everything.
- [142:53]
Adam Carolla
I remember, I remember. Oh, yeah. John Tyler's mom used to buy that. It was always somebody, you know, oh, Chris had Stratego. Oh, Ray had Fill in the Blank. You know, I remember from other people's houses. The Corollas would never buy any brand name, anything, especially if it tasted good. But there was malt, I think Quick or Nest. Nestle or whoever made Carnation. Yeah, you're right. Carnation made the powdered milk Swiss Miss. I remember even being as poor and as white trashy as I was. I turned my nose up at powdered milk when I was, you know, 11. I was like, if you can't fucking afford milk, don't have fucking pull out, would you? T pose? Really? Powdered milk? Are we in a fucking. Is it.
- [143:33]
Andy Dick
Is there war?
- [143:34]
Adam Carolla
Is there a war going on? Malted milk. Do yourselves a favor, people, make a malt. Get some ice cream and dump some of that malted milk in the blender there and then just let that.
- [143:47]
Allison Rosen
Then add sarsaparilla and release a drop of semen.
- [143:50]
Adam Carolla
Where do you get sass? See, I want to. Can you get little vials of sarsaparilla
- [143:56]
Andy Dick
and if you keep it in vault,
- [143:58]
Allison Rosen
in the sarsaparilla in the back. Yeah. I feel like it would come in a tiny barrel. What does sasparilli come in?
- [144:04]
Adam Carolla
I think it would come in those seasoning things, those little seasoning bottles, those shillings things or something like that. Extract. Yeah, like vanilla or something like that.
- [144:13]
Allison Rosen
Vanilla. There it is.
- [144:16]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, but that seems like the good Version of it that seems like something
- [144:19]
Allison Rosen
a hippie like your mom would assess.
- [144:21]
Adam Carolla
Perilla. Yeah. No, I don't. That's the kind of thing that you spread around your tomato plants to keep those big weird worms away from it, the ones below. Tastes yummy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I'm talking about. Yeah. It makes four gallons.
- [144:36]
Allison Rosen
I feel like you could very easily use too much.
- [144:38]
Adam Carolla
You could OD on sarsaparilla and then. And the paramedic would show up and he'd like do that thing where he just shook his head and he took, took, took his forefinger and his middle finger and just put your eyelids, close your eyelids. And then he'd look up and go. My grandfather went the same way. Yeah, let's see if we can score some of that, Matt. No, you know what? Don't get any. Someone will send us some. Yeah, Seth MacFarlane will send me a bottle of sarsaparilla.
- [145:07]
Allison Rosen
This reminds me of when you were on your hunt for a good smelling man candle.
- [145:10]
Adam Carolla
Mm, mm. Oh, yeah.
- [145:12]
Allison Rosen
Have you relinquished that?
- [145:14]
Adam Carolla
No, I was, I was, I was on a. I was on a hunt for the eucalyptus thing and somebody sent over like that of the spa, like a quart of that stuff. Love it.
- [145:25]
Allison Rosen
You're still on it. You're still into it?
- [145:26]
Adam Carolla
I'm still into it, yeah.
- [145:27]
Allison Rosen
Because I find that sometimes I get tired of certain scents.
- [145:30]
Adam Carolla
Nah, not me and the eucalyptus. Dude, are you gay? Yep.
- [145:34]
Allison Rosen
All right, well, you know where you shouldn't go if you're trying to gain weight to play Robert De Niro. Gaining weight. Norway. Because there's a butter shortage there right now.
- [145:44]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, I heard about that.
- [145:46]
Allison Rosen
Yep, everyone's talking about it.
- [145:47]
Adam Carolla
Brian canceled his vacation plan.
- [145:50]
Well, postponed. Postponed until they restock their butter at some point.
- [145:55]
Allison Rosen
Yeah, I think he's stuffed his pockets full of butter.
- [145:58]
Adam Carolla
I wonder if they're gouging to avoid the heat.
- [146:01]
Allison Rosen
They are, actually.
- [146:01]
Adam Carolla
They must do it like the guys who sell plywood after a hurricane.
- [146:04]
Allison Rosen
There's a black market now for butter. And there's two reasons that they're having a butter shortage. One, they're saying that a lot of people there are sort of just discovering the high fat, low carb diet. So they're buying up a lot of butter. And because there was a rainy season, the rainy summer reduced the quality of animal feed, decreasing milk production, which then leads to less butter. But authorities detained a Russian citizen Monday who they said was trying to smuggle 200 pounds of butter from Germany into Norway.
- [146:36]
Adam Carolla
A Russian guy that doesn't Sound like the Russians. I know the butter. What's going on in Russia?
- [146:43]
Allison Rosen
Well, they're trying to smuggle butter.
- [146:45]
Adam Carolla
Someone's got to pull them aside and explain to them their what fight? Now knock it off. Yeah, but you guys are embarrassment.
- [146:51]
Allison Rosen
Go straight.
- [146:52]
Adam Carolla
There's something wrong with that country. What are you doing with the people on the planet? I mean, with a bullet, right?
- [146:58]
Allison Rosen
A really good butter runner who's a
- [147:00]
Adam Carolla
more white breed, sending all their hot women out for, like mail order breast.
- [147:04]
They're just a mess over there. Like, it seems like everyone's on the take. Everyone's being hoard out. Everyone's in the mafia. Like, everybody. Someone has to pull them aside and explain to them there are many fucked up nations, but rarely do they look like you. So get your shit together. And I know the communism.
- [147:20]
Allison Rosen
Don't change your face.
- [147:21]
Adam Carolla
I know that sounds racist and it is. I'm trying to encourage these people and we have to shame them.
- [147:26]
Tough love.
- [147:27]
Yeah.
- [147:28]
Allison Rosen
What would the argument be, though? Because it's like, okay, you're making a lot of money selling butter on the black market. Or you could have our way of life, which includes. Fill in the blanks, Adam.
- [147:37]
Adam Carolla
Well, first off, Fabio's not happy over this predicament because he cannot believe. He cannot believe it is nut butter that got over into that country. Somebody needs to explain to Russia that, I know it's cold and you guys are former communists and you don't know how to lead yourself and you're a mess, but you're fucking embarrassing people. Knock it off, for Christ's sake. Not talking about, you know, we're not talking about, you know, Central America here, right? You guys have a space program. Let's get your shit together. Would you wake up? Wake up, whitey.
- [148:18]
I feel like it's been a long time since they launched anything into space.
- [148:21]
They're a weird group because they're, you know, tenacious fighters. They have a, you know, ambitious. They're ambitious, they're resourceful. They had a space program. They did lots of stuff. But they're also just fucking alcoholics that whore their women out too. I just gotta get to the bottom of those people.
- [148:38]
Can't win them all.
- [148:39]
Yeah, I just don't. I would not. I would feel very uncomfortable with a Russian in the room. I would feel like I wouldn't had a chance. They're. They're scary people. They're really. They're a fucked up breed. I don't know what's going on with that country.
- [148:52]
Allison Rosen
Do you feel scared around Mila Jovovich, she here? No, you narrowly dodged that bullet.
- [149:01]
Adam Carolla
No, I was saying. I was saying. And I think. I think we were talking about it. We were talking about. I don't think we were talking about on the air, but we're talking about it off the air. I think. Well, we were talking about how Bill Cosby a few years back essentially said, hey, black kids, pull your pants up, speak English and try to get a job. And the whole black community turned on him for basically message of pull your pants up. I believe that the Jews should be killed. So we were all just as white people musing that it was funny that the whole community turned on who was essentially the dad. You know, it was like his is your people's greatest success story and your people's father. And basically what he said is, look, if you want to compete and you want to get a job, you got to fucking pull your pants up and you can't speak Ebonics. And I went, fuck you, you're no longer here. We're gonna hang out with Al Sharpton now because he feeds us shit and he agrees with us and peddles bullshit to us, which, by the way, keeps us where we are instead of giving us the tough love. But we were. I think me, Mike, and Mike were driving around in some godforsaken city having a laugh about how all the blacks turned on Bill Cosby because he delivered that message, and now he's fucking the famous, you know, the beloved guys out. And then I also said, jesus Christ, the guy had his son, you know, kill the execution style a few years earlier. You think they would have cut him a little slack, you know what I mean? I mean, he had his son, and maybe his only son just literally just killed. And the conversation we're talking about was one. I remember it was the me doing Loveline for the first time season, I think. I was doing Loveline and I was driving. His son wasn't a showbiz guy or anything. He was a teacher and. Or some sort of educator. And I was driving home on the 405 Freeway and I was passing over Skirball, and he got killed between like 1215 or 1220 or something like that. It was right when I would have been driving past. He just got a flat tire. He just pulled off the freeway and he just got shot in the head. Like some guy came up to him and said, hey, man, give me your money. And I don't know, he said no or whatever. The guy just shot him point blank. Just killed him, right? Just like, nothing. And then I was saying the guy who killed him was Russian. And I have this theory that the Russian guys aren't used to seeing the brothers. And maybe they only know what they know from the gangbanger movies or whatever it is. Yes. Name is Jesus. Mikhail Michal, Ukrainian immigrant who worked at the nearby restaurant, approach a driver's side window of. I don't know why it says Crane's vehicle and pull the gun on him. Why say Crane's vehicle?
- [152:08]
Allison Rosen
Because it's probably from Wikipedia.
- [152:09]
Adam Carolla
Oh, okay. His name was Ennis Cosby. Anyway, he just killed him. Just flat out killed him. And I had this. Cosby was on his way to visit a friend. Oh, okay. The friend was in there. I had this theory that the Russian dude, who is not used to, you know, there were no Bill Cosby's growing up for him and maybe no Michael Jordans growing up for him. And he probably looked at a black person as less than a person because he grew up in a culture where they didn't have them and looked at them as a lesser. A lesser human being. And thus made it easier to pull the trigger for nothing. I always said, I wonder, if the guy had blue eyes and blonde hair, would that guy have just shot him in the head like he was nothing?
- [153:05]
Allison Rosen
And if that was Adam, both you and I would have not been spared.
- [153:10]
Adam Carolla
That's right. Would he? If he'd played. If he looked like one of his mates who he grew up with playing around. But anyway.
- [153:17]
Dolph Lundgren.
- [153:18]
Yes. Thank you.
- [153:19]
Ivan Drago.
- [153:20]
Yeah.
- [153:20]
Allison Rosen
If he looked. If someone looked like Natasha around the block. That was a joke. That didn't work. That's the news. I'm Allison Rosen. Zip it, cunt.
- [153:28]
Adam Carolla
Jenny. That was the news with Alison Robinson.
- [153:33]
Allison Rosen
Trying to go for a Russian name.
- [153:34]
Adam Carolla
Oh, okay. Yeah.
- [153:36]
Allison Rosen
How about leaving the jokes to Adam? I'm gonna.
- [153:38]
Adam Carolla
Thank you. But Russia, fucking mess, right?
- [153:41]
Allison Rosen
Yeah.
- [153:43]
Adam Carolla
They gotta get their shit together over there. Yeah. Someone's gotta straighten them out. And I know just a man. Discount tire in America's Tire. I got a little Facebook contest. You want to come out here? I think this will be from the United States. I hope you don't come out from Russia. Yeah. Send. And by the way, hold on a second. I'm not. You know, we don't. Russia's fucked up our life, essentially. Like, they're. They're. They're a mess. I mean, they've killed millions and millions of their own and millions and millions of others and taken. You know, cost us billions and billions and you know, many fucking Nike missile silos there are built all over North America and radar sites and all the billions. I mean, do you know how much infrastructure and how much we could have a fucking rail system in this country if it weren't for the goddamn Russians and their fucking Cold War bullshit? And everyone goes, well, that's us. That's them. That's us, that's them. No, they were wrong. They took Berlin, they split it in half. They created a fucking ghetto on one side of it. I mean, they're just fucked up. They're a mess. And we could have of created something really nice after World War II. And they got greedy and they got shitty. And quietly, they don't really get their due, but they've probably. You know, everyone focuses on Germany and Hitler and all the atrocities there and sort of Japan and Pearl harbor and all that shit. I would say when the dust settles on that century, Russians quietly did more damage than any other culture. And cost. The cost.
- [155:25]
Allison Rosen
Well, in terms of people that were killed, yeah.
- [155:27]
Adam Carolla
Yes. God damn, we should hate Russia a lot more than we do. All right, anyway, discount tyrant americastar.
- [155:34]
Allison Rosen
I'm gonna set a reminder on my phone to hate Russia.
- [155:36]
Adam Carolla
Please, please do. Friends over at Discount Tyran America Star. They got a little deal for you guys. Includes round trip flights for 2, 2 nights at a hotel, 500 bucks in spending money, plus tickets to the Petersen Automotive Museum. By the way, you can go visit my car over there. And a behind the scenes tour of the shop and the studio. You get to come out press the flesh with Ball Bryant. I'm not touching you. Enter at facebook.com discounttire or our site that is facebook.com discounttire and we'll see you soon.
- [156:13]
Allison Rosen
That is one of the best gifts we've offered.
- [156:15]
Adam Carolla
I think that is a nice one.
- [156:17]
Allison Rosen
Pretty nice, yeah.
- [156:18]
Adam Carolla
All right, let's see. Andy Dick is here. Marshall Cook.
- [156:22]
Hold on a second. What are you wearing?
- [156:24]
Oh, I was just working.
- [156:25]
What is going on with your.
- [156:26]
I was skipping my rope tonight and I was running late.
- [156:29]
Oh, that explains it.
- [156:30]
I was just too fucking tired to change, so I just put a shirt over my long shirt.
- [156:35]
You go from like freezing up top to like it's warm down below, you know what I mean? Dress for summer down below.
- [156:42]
I got Reebok gave me some shoes for doing this shoot with Norm today and I just. I skipped roping them and then I just got too lazy.
- [156:51]
The white mesh shorts, you got the long underwear up top.
- [156:55]
Yeah, it's a mess. Marshall Cook, who made a Movie with Andy Dick. They're gonna be in here. We'll talk about them next. Yeah, back with Andy Dick and Marshall Cook. Marshall and Andy got together on a movie called Division three, Football's Finest. I. Ooh, it's a good looking cover. I watched it. I enjoyed it. I laughed. Andy, Andy, you really went berserk in this movie.
- [157:31]
Andy Dick
I went berserk on the poster.
- [157:32]
Adam Carolla
Andy was punching a lot of people in this movie and hitting them in the head and stuff and kicking them in the head. And I could tell it wasn't really staged. I mean, it's not like somebody got the camera in the right place. So it looked like you hit the guy, but really your hand just passed by when you were running over people's heads. They were wearing helmets, but you were just running over their heads.
- [157:52]
Andy Dick
Well, because they were wearing helmets. They were wearing padding and helmets and all the football gear. And that gave me the license to go, as you say, berserk.
- [158:01]
Adam Carolla
I've seen.
- [158:02]
Andy Dick
I really did.
- [158:02]
Adam Carolla
I've seen you punch bandmates before, so I know you have that. Oh, it felt good in you.
- [158:07]
Oh, it felt.
- [158:08]
Marshall, you played football, obviously, because there was some footage of you. Actual high school footage.
- [158:14]
Marshall Cook
Yeah, yeah. Not everybody knows that that's me. And that's real. Yeah.
- [158:17]
Adam Carolla
I was savvy enough to figure out that that is you playing quarterback. Now, where did you play quarterback in high school?
- [158:24]
Marshall Cook
Cardinal Newman. It's in Northern California wine country.
- [158:27]
Adam Carolla
Did you guys have a good team?
- [158:28]
Marshall Cook
Yeah, we had a pretty good team. We switched to the option though, my senior year, and then we.
- [158:32]
Adam Carolla
So you stopped passing?
- [158:33]
Marshall Cook
Got our asses kicked for.
- [158:34]
Adam Carolla
Oh, really? And then have your rifle back there.
- [158:37]
Marshall Cook
Yeah.
- [158:38]
Adam Carolla
And. And I see. I want to know, like, my school
- [158:40]
actually played their school.
- [158:41]
Oh, really?
- [158:42]
Yeah.
- [158:42]
And did they win or remember?
- [158:45]
They were pretty good.
- [158:45]
Andy Dick
What's your school, Sarah?
- [158:47]
Adam Carolla
High school in San Mateo.
- [158:48]
Did you guys have. I want to know the process, Marshall, because I. I think people want to. Want to, want to know this. You can stop playing the trailer for one second because it's going to distract the shit out of. Mo Collins is in this. She's been on the show. Will Sasso's in this. He's been on the show. His Cavs have been in the show at least. Huge, beautiful cast. Greg Fitzsimmons. Brian Callan is super talented guy. People know him from the Hangover. Deborah Wilson, who I think is nuts.
- [159:19]
Andy Dick
Probably now nuts, but in a good way.
- [159:21]
Adam Carolla
Oh, yeah, in a good way. You always have to say that.
- [159:23]
Andy Dick
No, I mean, it I really love her.
- [159:24]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, she's one of the original Fox Blacks. Yes. Mad tv. Yeah, I think she's one of the original Fox blacks and one of the original Mad Tvers. I think she was in that original. Is she the original?
- [159:44]
Andy Dick
She is and she's super fucking funny.
- [159:47]
Adam Carolla
And Paul Henderson, who's a big, big man is in this movie as well.
- [159:51]
Andy Dick
But Paul Henderson's unknown. He's a gold bane. Untapped.
- [159:55]
Adam Carolla
Marshall, you go, I want to make this movie and I want to know how you did it because I think there's a lot of people who have. And by the way, the movie is available on demand through Video On Demand and you can get on blu Ray and DVD. January 17th. You can pre order it on Amazon. And speaking of Amazon, oh God love you folks. With all your Christmas shopping you're doing through AdamCarola.com we're going to get something on Amazon like Division 3 Football's Finest. You just click through the Adam Crowley. Go to Adam Crowley. Hit the Amazon banner in capacity.
- [160:27]
Marshall Cook
No, you're gonna like this.
- [160:28]
Adam Carolla
Yes.
- [160:29]
Marshall Cook
For marshallcook.com I linked the Adam Carolla thing to Amazon through my pre purchase.
- [160:35]
Adam Carolla
Loving you, Marshall.
- [160:37]
Andy Dick
So three people.
- [160:38]
Adam Carolla
How, how does this, how does this go? How do you, I mean, here's the thing. Getting a movie made is monumental and you have to just be dogged. Like if you ever just stop, like even if five years in you go, nah, I don't think so. It's, it's done.
- [160:56]
Andy Dick
Relentless.
- [160:57]
Adam Carolla
It's like, it's like you're pushing a boulder up a hill. It's endless. And if you ever just stop and go, I'm going to just rest my back, it'll roll all the way down to the bottom just like that.
- [161:09]
Andy Dick
Never happen.
- [161:09]
Adam Carolla
So how do you do it? How. And especially. And I don't know what the, the budget was, but you had a bunch of people in it.
- [161:15]
Marshall Cook
Yeah.
- [161:16]
Adam Carolla
Although I don't remember getting paid that I've heard of. And it looked good.
- [161:20]
Andy Dick
No, I didn't get paid. What did you shoot?
- [161:22]
Adam Carolla
What'd you shoot it on? Digital?
- [161:23]
Marshall Cook
The red. Yeah, we had the red. Camera, camera, film, lenses and we were able to get three of them. I think we did it at the time where you can actually afford to just not really pay a lot of money for things.
- [161:34]
Andy Dick
Marshall has a lot of friends. He has a lot of friends in technical places. In fact, his partner in his business convoy is this guy. He did like the colorizing on the Superman.
- [161:45]
Marshall Cook
Yeah. For basically the post production. It was basically all me and Tyler Hawes, my partner, and he did. And this other guy, Christopher Grandl, he did like visual effects coloring. And then I did all the editing on my laptop and another monitor.
- [161:57]
Adam Carolla
So you can. I mean it's. It's. It's doable now, but it's still monumental.
- [162:02]
Andy Dick
It took him a year to edit by himself on a laptop. It took me a year on and off. You were like editing and then what? I don't know what else, but. But it was like. It was a year long process of you editing.
- [162:14]
Marshall Cook
Yeah, well, we missed the window. It is.
- [162:17]
Andy Dick
He was relaxed.
- [162:17]
Marshall Cook
We missed the window getting it for football season one year. So I had a little bit more time to tinker with it. But I mean, I wore about five different hats for the movie. So that's one way to save money, you know, just do everything for yourself.
- [162:29]
Adam Carolla
Sure.
- [162:29]
Marshall Cook
And then just bug people. I bugged the shit out of you to get you in the movie.
- [162:32]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, that's true.
- [162:33]
Andy Dick
He even wore the hat of the booker for the college tour we just got off of. We went around with a couple of documentarians, I guess it was say, all went to 20 different colleges for over a month showing the film because we didn't have. There's no publicity. There's. There are no commercials. There wasn't even a premiere. There is going to be one, by the way, in January.
- [162:56]
Adam Carolla
Oh, good.
- [162:57]
Andy Dick
It would be great if you could come January 12th. Anyone can come.
- [163:00]
Marshall Cook
We're doing it first come first.
- [163:02]
Andy Dick
It's at the Arc Light carpet thing. That's for the dvd. But he went around, he booked all the goddamn colleges. He called them up one by one. And you ran into a of lot of what?
- [163:13]
Marshall Cook
Well, there's lots.
- [163:14]
Adam Carolla
I don't want to get into that.
- [163:15]
Marshall Cook
Anyways.
- [163:16]
Adam Carolla
Sure. Oh, Andy Dick me on a college campus.
- [163:20]
Andy Dick
It was hard to book the tour,
- [163:21]
Adam Carolla
but he did it. And he drove the van. Yeah, they'd rather have Sandowski do motivational speaking. It really, if there's like a coin toss if you want Andy Dick to come on to campus or Sandowski getting motivated. Toss a coin. I'm gonna take a nap, you ass.
- [163:39]
Marshall Cook
No, it was always super enthusiastic, like, oh, we'd love to have you on the movie. Looks great. And then I get a call back the next day or something and they're just like, yeah. So we talked to the higher ups and we can't have Andy on campus.
- [163:50]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, we googled Andy.
- [163:52]
Allison Rosen
Yeah, we googled Dick.
- [163:54]
Andy Dick
You know, it is weird that you. What's his name? Sandusky.
- [163:57]
Adam Carolla
Sandusky,
- [164:00]
Andy Dick
my character in this movie, there are similarities. Now, my character doesn't molest anybody. But Sanduski said in. Sandusky, in an interview, said, yeah, you
- [164:11]
Alonzo Bowden
know, I will admit there was some
- [164:13]
Adam Carolla
horsing around in the shower and some.
- [164:15]
Andy Dick
Some whipping of towels. And my character, my coach character does shower with the players and does whip them with towels, amongst other things. I teabag. I teabag.
- [164:27]
Adam Carolla
I listen, that's a spoiler. But people don't. People don't realize about the teabagging is. It's okay if you're hazing. You see, when you do it in a sexual way, then it's a no, no. But if you're just fucking with somebody on your team, then it's fine. You see, people never realize the best way to fuck with a straight guy is to do something gay to him. Andy, you're impervious to this, but you get a boner when some guy's putting me down at football camp, giving you a teabag. But to the straight dudes, that's what you do. You don't realize. That's why everything turns homoerotic very quickly. Because when you're hazing, you can't go, hey, I'm gonna take some big titties and shove them in your face. You gotta put your ball sack in their face.
- [165:08]
Andy Dick
There's a gay porn site called. You know, people are gonna go look it up, but it's called Haze him and I.
- [165:15]
Adam Carolla
How did I stumble upon that?
- [165:16]
Andy Dick
Oh, stumble upon that Website. They just threw it at me, you know, right there.
- [165:22]
Pluto TV Announcer
What?
- [165:22]
Adam Carolla
Oh, I'll watch.
- [165:23]
Andy Dick
No, but really, they. I can't tell if this is real or not real. People are doing things to these guys so that they can get into the fraternities and it's talking, like, fucking them.
- [165:35]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, well.
- [165:36]
Marshall Cook
Yeah, so at my school, they had a. They were like, yeah, they're doing this hazing thing. And I was never in a frat, but they would be like, well, you know, what are you doing? And like, oh, they watch, like, you know, gay porn and with hot dogs in their mouths. I was like, why are people paying to do that?
- [165:51]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, it sort of turned the whole thing. This is what happened. Bachelor parties turned into this. See, at the time. Well, at the time of, like, Mad Men, when there was a bachelor party, it meant some guys were putting on smoking jackets, drinking martinis, and the guy who was the bachelor was getting laid. Now the bachelor's getting duct taped to a folding chair and he's getting, like, flogged with a Dildo. And you're shooting whipped cream on him, and there's some fat chick who's going to give him a dance. Like it turned into a haze at a certain point.
- [166:25]
Pluto TV Announcer
Really?
- [166:25]
Adam Carolla
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
- [166:27]
Pluto TV Announcer
Yeah.
- [166:27]
Adam Carolla
I don't recommend it.
- [166:28]
Andy Dick
In one of the. On this college tour we did, we went to. I stopped going because, by the way, I maintained my sobriety the whole time.
- [166:37]
Adam Carolla
Wow.
- [166:38]
Andy Dick
Yeah. It's been a while, and I'm doing very well, thanks for asking, but. And we did go to a couple frat parties.
- [166:45]
Adam Carolla
Well, usually I ask and. And it doesn't go as well. You're just asking. Yeah, I know.
- [166:50]
Andy Dick
I remember one time I had a green tea, and it looked like beer, and you thought it was beer, but it was green tea. But we went to a frat party, one of these frat parties, they did something called. They said, we're gonna crucify this guy. And they sought him out. They picked someone out, and they picked out the biggest guy, who was hulky, gigantic, six something foot tall. They grab him, and he does not want to be crucified. He is fighting tooth and nail to not be crucified. And what they do is they hold. A lot of people have to hold this big guy down. They hold him down and they do basically what you said. They strap him down to a cross. No, no, it was a folding table. It was a big old folding, you know, what are they called? Conference folding table. And they duct tape him to it so that he can't get out. Like that silver duct tape. Like, really hardcore.
- [167:39]
Allison Rosen
Like a Dexter kill scene.
- [167:40]
Andy Dick
Yeah, it was hardcore. And then they start chanting the Lord's Prayer. They start chanting the Lord's Prayer. He's sprawled out like this. And then they rip his pants down. They rip his pants down. He is so afraid of exposing himself, I guess. But they get his pants down, he rips through. And that's hard to do, to rip through. Duct tape covers himself, lifts the whole table up, rips out of it.
- [168:13]
Adam Carolla
Oh.
- [168:13]
Andy Dick
And the whole time they're all drinking the blood of Christ. Which, by the way. And this is a drink. I don't know if this is all over the country, but at this college, we shouldn't say the name of it. But the blood of Christ is a mixture of byu Beer, red wine. No beer, vodka and pink.
- [168:36]
Marshall Cook
Red wine.
- [168:37]
Andy Dick
Maybe there's red wine in there.
- [168:39]
Adam Carolla
Clemente sounds like my man grape.
- [168:42]
Andy Dick
You have a Mangria?
- [168:43]
Adam Carolla
I do.
- [168:44]
Allison Rosen
What is in it?
- [168:45]
Adam Carolla
I'm working on it. It's basically vodka, red wine, a little Bit of orange juice, and it's fucking hot. It is like that. It's awesome.
- [168:55]
Andy Dick
But they put it in a gas. A plastic gas can, and they pour it down their throats. They share it.
- [169:01]
Adam Carolla
Yes.
- [169:01]
Allison Rosen
I have a question now. When you're waving your balls in someone's face, aren't you taking a leap of faith?
- [169:06]
Andy Dick
I'm guessing this is.
- [169:08]
Marshall Cook
Are you talking about.
- [169:08]
Andy Dick
This is directed towards me, or is this.
- [169:10]
Allison Rosen
No, I'm talking about the general. The general teabag.
- [169:14]
Andy Dick
Well, no, in the movie, anyone ever
- [169:15]
Allison Rosen
swat them away or bite them or just do anything untoward?
- [169:18]
Andy Dick
Listen, Allison, in the movie, my character is spotting somebody while they're lifting weights. They're bench pressing, and I'm over them, spotting them. I am unaware that my nuts. My character is unaware that my nuts are on his forehead.
- [169:33]
Allison Rosen
But you were very aware of.
- [169:34]
Adam Carolla
Oh, of course.
- [169:35]
Did. Did.
- [169:36]
Andy Dick
But I wasn't getting into it. It's like this big.
- [169:38]
Adam Carolla
Andy. What is Mark Lopez is his name. I am.
- [169:41]
Andy Dick
He loved it.
- [169:42]
Adam Carolla
Andy, what. What's going on with you in terms of your career, your future, what income?
- [169:47]
Marshall Cook
How does it.
- [169:47]
Adam Carolla
How does it work now? Sober Andy Dick?
- [169:50]
Andy Dick
Good question. Good question. Well, I have this movie. I'm promoting the hell out of it. I want people to watch it because I believe in it, and I'm very happy that Mark.
- [169:58]
Adam Carolla
But you're not going to make any money off of that.
- [170:01]
Andy Dick
No, I'm not. But people can see that I'm employable, you know, And I want people to see that I. I'm not what they think. I. This is something that people would never guess. I would do.
- [170:11]
Adam Carolla
Do you. Do you have contacts?
- [170:13]
Andy Dick
Well, yeah, I have a manager. Listen, let me tell you.
- [170:14]
Adam Carolla
Not a manager. I mean. Can. Could you get Ben Stiller on the phone?
- [170:18]
No.
- [170:18]
Andy Dick
No, Ben. I've had a falling out with Ben Stiller. I've had. You know, Judd Apatow still believes in me.
- [170:25]
Adam Carolla
He does.
- [170:26]
Andy Dick
And I think that. That Marshall Cook, by the way, is a young Judd Apatow. I worked with a young Judd Apatow. Judd Apatow.
- [170:34]
Adam Carolla
Where did you work with him?
- [170:34]
Andy Dick
On the Ben Stiller show.
- [170:35]
Adam Carolla
Oh, that's right.
- [170:36]
Andy Dick
Yeah. He. He was the head writer, and he. He was a young Judd Apatow. Now he's an old Judd Apatow. And I found the new young Judd Apatow right here. And I'm hoping you are, and I hope
- [170:49]
Adam Carolla
so. Judd will take.
- [170:51]
Marshall Cook
Thank you. Thank you.
- [170:52]
Adam Carolla
Judd will take your calls. What happened with bet?
- [170:56]
Andy Dick
Well, I, I. Well, I don't. I really don't know, you know, I. I did a joke with him that I think he took the wrong way.
- [171:03]
Adam Carolla
The teabag?
- [171:04]
Andy Dick
No, no, no, no, no.
- [171:06]
Adam Carolla
What was the joke?
- [171:08]
Andy Dick
It was. I just.
- [171:09]
Adam Carolla
You mean to him personally?
- [171:11]
Andy Dick
Yeah, I sent him this little pack. I dropped off a package at his place. You know, I. I don't even want to. I still like him.
- [171:21]
Adam Carolla
Then tell us.
- [171:22]
Andy Dick
I don't. I think that the. That the relations. And I don't want to kill it, so I'd rather not.
- [171:29]
Adam Carolla
What did you do?
- [171:30]
Andy Dick
Yes, it would help kill it, heal it. Well, he was doing Tropic Thunder, and Jack Black was playing, basically me, right. You know, remember, he had a blonde wig. He was like all drugged out and acted crazy. And I was. I was, to say the least, a little weirded out by it. And I said, you know, if you're gonna have somebody play me, just call me.
- [171:59]
Adam Carolla
Right?
- [172:00]
Andy Dick
I'll play me.
- [172:01]
Adam Carolla
Sure.
- [172:01]
Andy Dick
You know. But I didn't say that.
- [172:04]
Adam Carolla
Instead, I said, it's like my grandfather used to say, nobody does Andy Dick like Andy Dick.
- [172:09]
Allison Rosen
My grandfather said that too.
- [172:12]
Andy Dick
You know who does do a good Andy Dick?
- [172:13]
Alonzo Bowden
Who?
- [172:14]
Andy Dick
Almost better than me.
- [172:15]
Adam Carolla
Maybe better than me.
- [172:16]
Andy Dick
Nick Kroll. Nick Kroll. Nick Kroll played me on American Dad. Everybody thinks it's me. I'm like, it's not fucking me. Which I don't understand because Seth MacFarlane and I are friends, and I've been on Family Guy a number of times as me.
- [172:30]
Adam Carolla
Sure.
- [172:31]
Andy Dick
So if you're. If you want me, I'm right fucking here.
- [172:33]
Adam Carolla
So you drop.
- [172:34]
Andy Dick
Damn it. God.
- [172:35]
Pluto TV Announcer
I'm.
- [172:36]
Andy Dick
A little bit.
- [172:36]
Adam Carolla
You dropped. You dropped a package off at Ben's place.
- [172:40]
Andy Dick
No, at his office. And it basically had an old. It was just a.
- [172:45]
Marshall Cook
It was.
- [172:45]
Andy Dick
They were props, some extra things I had from the Ben Stiller show. There was a cast picture, and I wrote a letter in ink that I was able to pretend that there were tears on that I smeared. And a script and little props from the Ben Stiller show. And basically was saying, I guess you can have these back. I have no need for them anymore. It was kind of like saying, I guess our relationship is over. Sorry.
- [173:09]
Adam Carolla
And I think he took it.
- [173:10]
Andy Dick
It was just a joke. And I really never told anybody that. And I found out through Jack Black that he took that personally. And I literally have never talked to him since. Not. Not because I've tried to. I've tried to reach out. You know, I have this problem. You know, I've tried to.
- [173:27]
Adam Carolla
What's the problem?
- [173:28]
Andy Dick
The problem of, you know, making a Joke. People taking it seriously and not being able to mend the friendship. I'm having the same thing with.
- [173:38]
Pluto TV Announcer
With.
- [173:38]
Andy Dick
With Howard Stern right now.
- [173:40]
Adam Carolla
What's going on?
- [173:41]
Andy Dick
Well, you know, I jokingly called him a.
- [173:46]
Adam Carolla
Did you get Beth's cat calendar?
- [173:48]
Andy Dick
What is that?
- [173:50]
Adam Carolla
I got it in the next room.
- [173:51]
Andy Dick
He gave you a cat calendar?
- [173:53]
Allison Rosen
There's dogs in there.
- [173:54]
Adam Carolla
Dogs in there, too. They rescue dogs. They take pictures. Yeah, well, I'm.
- [174:01]
Andy Dick
That's great. I rescue dogs, too.
- [174:02]
Adam Carolla
So what'd you do with Stern?
- [174:04]
Andy Dick
Well, you know, I'm. I've. I've written him an apology letter.
- [174:11]
Adam Carolla
With tears.
- [174:12]
Andy Dick
No, this one's. No, this one's.
- [174:13]
Adam Carolla
What did. What you say?
- [174:15]
Andy Dick
It's sincere. Because I didn't. I didn't know that he had the ability to. To get his feelings hurt. Would you think that he would be a man that would be so sensitive?
- [174:25]
Adam Carolla
Stern is. My interpretation of Howard is. He's a passionate guy.
- [174:35]
Andy Dick
Well, I love him, and he's.
- [174:36]
Adam Carolla
He's a much more sensitive guy than he would know.
- [174:39]
Andy Dick
That's what I have come to realize because I. I was on Fitzsimmons podcast. Fitzsimmons brought up that my manager had asked Fitzsimmons to ask Howard to help put me through. I think it was to put me in a. In a rehab or whatever it was, or. No, you know, no, no, I didn't need rehab at the time. It was a legal issue, really. It was. No, I didn't. I was completely sober. No, that's not what it is. But my life is so, you know, crazy. But I remember now, it was. It was for money, which I didn't ask him to do this.
- [175:15]
Adam Carolla
Right.
- [175:16]
Andy Dick
But I needed some legal. I hired a lawyer that was way out of my price range. I'm talking about hundreds of thousands of dollars for something that I did get in trouble with when I was drinking back in the day.
- [175:27]
Marshall Cook
Sure.
- [175:27]
Andy Dick
I couldn't afford it. My manager asked Greg to ask Howard, and I didn't really even know. And then he brought this up on the air. I was completely humiliated and embarrassed, and I was like, well. And I just kind of was backed into a corner, and I lashed out because I was hurt. And I said, well, fuck you. I don't need my. You know, and he wouldn't give me. Because I think Greg said, oh, he wouldn't give you money? You know, he's not going to give you money. Or something. Something plugged me in. Something like pushed my buttons, like. Like poking a mangy dog or a feral, you know, raccoon in a cage. I was just like, I was going crazy. And I said. And, and, and in that. Because. Because Howard has thrown every, every neg.
- [176:15]
Adam Carolla
Every.
- [176:16]
Andy Dick
He's called me, you know, he's. He's called me a, A dick smoking faggot or a, you know, a cock twiddling homo or get. Put another dick in your butt or take that dildo out of your butt or do something with your butt or your butt. Your butt. Your faggot. But sure. I mean, just like the list goes on and on. Not anymore. Because you're not allowed to.
- [176:36]
Alonzo Bowden
Right.
- [176:37]
Andy Dick
You know, in this day and age.
- [176:38]
Adam Carolla
It's so sad.
- [176:39]
Andy Dick
PC, you can't say anything. I can say it when I'm talking about somebody else calling me that. See, I can, I can get away with it right now.
- [176:45]
Adam Carolla
Sure.
- [176:45]
Andy Dick
But I've been called every, you know, like, like a cum guzzling faggot.
- [176:50]
Adam Carolla
Well, to be fair, there was a context to that. I was saying to Brian, first off, I had no idea you were in the room.
- [176:59]
The mics were hot.
- [177:00]
Okay, okay. Number two, there's a context. You just sort of walked into the middle of my.
- [177:06]
Andy Dick
Listen, so he. So here's the.
- [177:08]
Adam Carolla
I said chugging, but anyhow.
- [177:12]
Allison Rosen
And he said, God, I love me that. Yeah, he's celebrating.
- [177:16]
Andy Dick
Yeah, yeah, you were being nice.
- [177:17]
Adam Carolla
So you said.
- [177:18]
Andy Dick
So anyhow, I used a term that I had not heard before. Only. The only time I've ever heard it before or since is out of his mouth. And he has called himself, you know, and this. I feel weird saying it now, but you have to. But I, I used the term hooked nose Jew and that.
- [177:42]
Allison Rosen
I'm out of here.
- [177:42]
Andy Dick
It was a shitstorm of hate coming at me. I am not anti Semitic. Never have. My dad is Jewish. I married Lena. I didn't marry her, but we have two kids together. She's Jewish. So my kids are basically Jewish. She has two other kids that she had with a Jewish man that I, for all intents purposes, I adopted them. They're 100% Jewish. I live with three Jews. I don't think my whole team is Jewish. My manager, my agent, my lawyer. Everyone's Jewish. Yeah, I know.
- [178:14]
Adam Carolla
Manager, agent.
- [178:16]
Andy Dick
But do you understand? Because I use the term, because I heard him call himself that. So I thought, oh, I'll just use a term that he's okay with. And I did. And he was so upset. And I really feel horribly that I hurt his feelings.
- [178:34]
Adam Carolla
I didn't, I don't. Do you think you really hurt his feelings?
- [178:36]
Andy Dick
Yes, because he he won't talk to me. He got very upset, went on a. He rained shit on me for it. It hurt. I had to go on a blocking spree on Twitter. I had all these people wanting to kill him.
- [178:48]
Marshall Cook
He did this right before. Right when I was booking the college tour, by the way, too, which was great.
- [178:53]
Adam Carolla
He soiled the good name of Andy Dick. Is that what you're saying?
- [178:57]
Andy Dick
Wow.
- [178:58]
Marshall Cook
We had a little bit of.
- [179:00]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, well, look, first off, come on,
- [179:03]
Andy Dick
I try really hard. I like this soil. What else do you think?
- [179:08]
Adam Carolla
I don't think anybody. I don't think anyone thinks you're anti Semitic.
- [179:11]
Andy Dick
I'm not. No, people do think that. And I'm not. You. You get it?
- [179:16]
Adam Carolla
I don't know that anybody thinks you're. Look, I've been accused of being, you know, misogynistic and homophobic and, you know.
- [179:24]
Andy Dick
Well, you might be a little bit.
- [179:26]
Adam Carolla
I don't like those people.
- [179:28]
Pluto TV Announcer
Yes.
- [179:29]
Adam Carolla
No, I mean, you're talking. Talking about a guy. You know, I've been. I've been. You know, I've had groups that represent Asian. The Asian community, like coming after me and all that kind of shit. Like, I don't. First off, us coming after whoever does not mean whoever has it in for whatever group. We're living in a new reality where you're allowed to work with. Fill in the blank. Asians, Jews, blacks, whatever, you're allowed to have friends. Friends. You're allowed to have gay friends. You're allowed to be gay yourself. You're allowed to be whatever. And then you make a joke or you say something and everyone points a finger at you and says you're xenophobic or whatever.
- [180:08]
Allison Rosen
If you're saying something negative about someone and you use that term.
- [180:14]
Andy Dick
Hook nose.
- [180:15]
Allison Rosen
Yeah. Like if you're. If you're saying something. If you're just saying it in a funny way, it's one thing, and I think you'd still catch flack. But if you're saying something negative, especially if you're saying that that person is potentially cheap and then you use that term, you're going to be in a.
- [180:28]
Andy Dick
Would you stop saying stop that?
- [180:31]
Allison Rosen
Just the same as if someone is saying something negative about gay people and uses the terms. Andy, that you were saying you've been called before, it's going to sound much worse than if they just sort of say them in a light hearted way.
- [180:41]
Andy Dick
I was mad at Howard and I was. At that time, in that moment, I shouldn't have even been on a podcast. I was very. I was only like Two, three months into sobriety, I was manic. I was. You know, I probably needed a fucking drink.
- [180:57]
Adam Carolla
No relationships and no podcasts for the first year. That's what Dr. Drew always told me.
- [181:02]
Andy Dick
Seriously, I shouldn't have been on. But he pushed my buttons. And here's the thing. I should. I shouldn't have. I shouldn't have been on. And I was. I was. I'm not. I wasn't and never have been anti Semitic, but I was at. In that moment. Anti how?
- [181:16]
Adam Carolla
That's where I think people get offended. I don't think Howard thinks you're anti Semitic.
- [181:20]
Andy Dick
No, he does. No, he knows. Stop doing that.
- [181:23]
Adam Carolla
I don't think he does. I think he just thinks you're anti. Howard. I don't think he thinks you're anti.
- [181:28]
Andy Dick
Well, no, he. But I know exactly. Deep down, he knows I'm not anti Semitic, but he's using that to really. With my career because it fucked me over.
- [181:38]
Adam Carolla
Really.
- [181:39]
Andy Dick
It hurt me. Yes. And he's doing it because he was
- [181:42]
Adam Carolla
hurt personally, to be fair. I love that guy. To be fair. I'd see a lot of the arrests, a lot of the drinking, a lot of the drugs, a lot of the headlines, negative headlines, they were swirling around before this. Yeah, well, those will hurt a career as well.
- [181:59]
Andy Dick
Well, I know. No, no, but. No, I know. I don't need any more help in the hurting of the career. That's my point. I know, but by the way, my career's fine.
- [182:07]
Adam Carolla
What is going on?
- [182:09]
Andy Dick
I have something coming up. What do you got? Coming up?
- [182:11]
Alonzo Bowden
Out.
- [182:11]
Andy Dick
I'm signing. We already signed the deal.
- [182:13]
Adam Carolla
Oh, really?
- [182:14]
Andy Dick
Yeah. I don't want to talk about.
- [182:15]
Adam Carolla
It's got the Shabbat telethon coming up in February, hosting that. And then other than that, what else is on the docket?
- [182:22]
Andy Dick
No, I can't talk about it. But beyond this thing I can't talk about. There are two things I can talk about. I'm doing two. I'm shooting two pilots through my company, Polywall.
- [182:32]
Adam Carolla
Oh, really?
- [182:33]
Andy Dick
I'm doing. I'm finally. I've given up, like you said, pushing that big boulder up the hill. I've been trying to push the fucking boulder of Daphne Aguilera as a feature film for about seven years. Up the. I gave up in the boulder, ran me over. I'm gonna do it as a TV show. So I'm shooting that pilot. Daphne Aguilera, the TV show, and I'm shooting a pilot called Dickinson.
- [182:54]
Adam Carolla
No, shoot. I swear. Can we have. Can you guys look up the Southern California Jewish center, by the way, because I don't think these people are doing themselves any favorite favors. I'm sorry.
- [183:04]
Andy Dick
And I'm doing another pilot.
- [183:05]
Adam Carolla
A lot of irons in the fire. A lot of dicks in the fire.
- [183:08]
Andy Dick
Let me tell you something. I have something to tell you. One guy is putting up some money for Daphne, and then another guy's putting up some money for a sitcom about my son and I. Because it's great. Because he's rising up just as my thing is, like flailing, Right?
- [183:24]
Adam Carolla
What's he doing?
- [183:25]
Andy Dick
He's a stand up, Lucas dick, you know? You didn't know that?
- [183:28]
Adam Carolla
I remember we were talking about that.
- [183:29]
Andy Dick
He's like 23 or 24. I don't even know how old my son. But listen, that. By the way, the guy that put up the money for our movie, Division 3.
- [183:37]
Adam Carolla
How much did that cost, by the way?
- [183:39]
Andy Dick
Under. Way under a million. Can you believe it?
- [183:43]
Adam Carolla
It looks.
- [183:43]
Andy Dick
It looks like.
- [183:44]
Adam Carolla
I mean, yes. I mean, I can't.
- [183:45]
Andy Dick
I know it looks like a $10 million movie.
- [183:47]
Marshall Cook
We're not supposed to say that. Like actual adviser.
- [183:51]
Allison Rosen
But who advises that?
- [183:53]
Marshall Cook
Illegal.
- [183:53]
Andy Dick
But here's my. Lucas, that's.
- [183:57]
Adam Carolla
They advise you not to say because if you're trying to sell it to somebody, it's just like a car. If you bought a car for $5,000 and you're trying to sell it for $25,000, you don't tell them you bought it for $5,000 because it'll make them go, I'll give you $7,000 for it.
- [184:14]
Marshall Cook
We already sold it. But basically, Friday Night lights cost the $20 million range and divide that by 100, and that's us. So we're in like the low hundred thousands.
- [184:24]
Adam Carolla
Yeah. Nice. So, yeah. Do you have the Southern California Jewish center, by the way? They have a jingle that doesn't involve Andy Dick, but there is. They do have a jingle that I do think sets the movement back just a little bit.
- [184:40]
Andy Dick
But let me tell you, this is an interesting little side note. Adam, the guy that put the money up single handedly put the money up for Division 3. He was the guy that was hanging out the window talking to the Sunset and Vine shooter.
- [184:54]
Adam Carolla
Really?
- [184:55]
Allison Rosen
Christopher Johns?
- [184:56]
Andy Dick
Yes, Christopher Johns is our producer.
- [184:58]
Allison Rosen
I was talking about him. He's the one who was saying, hey, come up here.
- [185:01]
Andy Dick
Producer. He's also the guy producing Daphne.
- [185:04]
Adam Carolla
Jesus Christ.
- [185:05]
Andy Dick
He's like kind of a madman.
- [185:07]
Adam Carolla
No shit. He should have yelled Division 3 and would have caught it on film. And then they would have shown.
- [185:12]
Andy Dick
I know that Everybody's on cnn.
- [185:14]
Allison Rosen
Division three.
- [185:15]
Andy Dick
Every time you're on tv, talk about the fucking movie.
- [185:18]
Allison Rosen
Idiot.
- [185:19]
Pluto TV Announcer
Wow.
- [185:21]
Adam Carolla
Division three.
- [185:23]
Andy Dick
He's a self made millionaire. He's a self made millionaire. He has this company called Support Save, which does outsourcing. And I think it's either going public or it has gone public. But like, you can get stocks for pennies right now, but it's about to blow up because they got a really big account. He wanted me to tell you that. But he's not talking about Division 3, so why would I. Why would I do that?
- [185:44]
Adam Carolla
Well, I'll talk about it. It is out as we speak, through Video on Demand. And you can get it on blu ray and DVD very far.
- [185:52]
Andy Dick
In January. No, no blu ray and DVD in January.
- [185:54]
Adam Carolla
In January 17th. And you can pre order at Amazon. And Andy Dick is out of control in this movie. And it really, it really. But you really realize that, that you are a major talent when you see this. You do go, wow, he's fucking huge. Sorry. And I should say Marshall does a great job in it as well. And you can see from the very first pass he can throw the football. You can just tell, oh, this kid's got an arm. Just threw a beautiful pass, rolled out to his left, I believe. Hit the guy in the corner of the end zone. And you can tell it wasn't cut up. Does anyone have the Southern California Jewish center model?
- [186:29]
Andy Dick
And while you're getting it for the jingle, don't forget about the premiere. It's a small premiere. It's a 500 seat theater at the Arklay Flight in Hollywood, January 12th. I want to pack the place.
- [186:40]
Adam Carolla
Looking forward to that.
- [186:41]
Marshall Cook
And it's great with the audience.
- [186:43]
Andy Dick
Everyone can come.
- [186:44]
Adam Carolla
Yes.
- [186:45]
Allison Rosen
Here's my question for Marshall. So you are obviously a go getter. And. Yes. And don't take this the wrong way, but how do you deal with feeling like you're irritating people? Which I'm not saying you are. I just assume you must feel that way Sometimes.
- [186:59]
Marshall Cook
Yes, I do it.
- [187:00]
Allison Rosen
You give off that vibe.
- [187:01]
Marshall Cook
I do it super politely and, and it's all complimentary. I mean, you know, I'm sure if I'm just bugging you to like, have you buy something or whatever, that's one thing. But if I'm like, hey, I wrote something for you and I think you're, you know, I look up to you, I listen to your podcast, I think you're a great talent, and I want you to be in something that, you know, I wrote for you. That's a little Less irritating.
- [187:23]
Andy Dick
But do you have to screw up
- [187:24]
Allison Rosen
your courage to deal with all the people saying, no?
- [187:27]
Andy Dick
No, it's beyond that. He is in love with Adam. He told me he has a man crush on you. He's your number one fucking fan. He would have done anything to have you be in the movie.
- [187:36]
Adam Carolla
Listen, I was happy. I went out, I shot for an afternoon at a nice house off of Laurel Canyon and ran into Brian Callum, who's there filming as well. And that's when Brian paid me the greatest compliment ever been paid in my life. He said, oh, we were talking about you or something. And I said, yeah. And he said, you may be the best improv er in the world. And I said, really? I don't think so. And he said, well, who's better? And I said, I don't know. And then he said, well, then why can't it be you? And I said, I guess it can be. And he said, good. And we walked away. And I said, well, that'll. That's it.
- [188:16]
That's that.
- [188:16]
That's that.
- [188:17]
Andy Dick
On a daily basis, you improvise for hours.
- [188:20]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, I. That's what I love. That's why I said, wow, I love that Brian Count. He forced it on me, but I took it.
- [188:26]
Marshall Cook
Yeah. And in the movie, I would say you probably do the most improvising per what's scripted, because you didn't read the script, obviously, but we put, you know, references.
- [188:36]
Adam Carolla
No, you did it.
- [188:37]
Marshall Cook
Yeah, we had to write references and put them around the camera just so you knew names and, you know, different facts to say. But besides that, I mean, all the commentary is pretty much live. I cut it together and then you were just kind of commentating a wonderful
- [188:49]
Adam Carolla
job and, geez, where the hell did time go? We gotta find the Southern California Jewish centers. It has nothing to do with the Andy Dick. But it's their jingle. It's their jingle. It should be on their fucking website.
- [189:01]
Allison Rosen
Does it sound like something from Fiddler on the Roof?
- [189:03]
Adam Carolla
No, no, it should, it should. But it's even better in its own way. I want to. Well, first off, the Southern California, like most the places that ask you for money, they're like, could you just give a nickel or a can of dented garbanzo beans or anything? The Jews are like, hey, if you got an RV or boat, you're not. What rv? Jesus Christ, the target. What. What is going on here? RV or boat? You want us to deliver? Is this it? Let's see if we can hear. Let's see if we can hear the Hook nose.
- [189:38]
Pluto TV Announcer
No. What you.
- [189:40]
Adam Carolla
I swear to God, buddy, that nose. No, buddy. That's the old one.
- [189:46]
Allison Rosen
Yeah. That isn't helping their movement. I see what you're talking about.
- [189:49]
Andy Dick
Adam.
- [189:50]
Adam Carolla
I will give a little love.
- [189:51]
Andy Dick
You're supposed to help me heal. Heal this relationship, man.
- [189:54]
Adam Carolla
Great. I'll blow Paul into Howie.
- [189:56]
Andy Dick
I need to heal both of my Jewish friends.
- [189:59]
Adam Carolla
I need to heal, man. Great. 100% made in America. 100% cast iron steakhouse quality grilling right in your own backyard. Marshall shoes.
- [190:07]
Andy Dick
Welcome.
- [190:08]
Adam Carolla
You eat meat. You'll. You'll enjoy this. 1999. I got a holiday special.
- [190:13]
Andy Dick
This serve. No pork.
- [190:14]
Adam Carolla
Heavy duty. It will work, though. It'll work on chop and ribs and whatever you throw on a grill. It is unbelievable. You go to the mangreat banner@adamcarolla.com and you order today 100% satisfaction. I thought this was a restaurant.
- [190:29]
Andy Dick
What is it?
- [190:30]
Allison Rosen
And the grill brush.
- [190:31]
Andy Dick
Oh, can I get one of those?
- [190:32]
Pluto TV Announcer
Yeah.
- [190:32]
Adam Carolla
Do you want one of those?
- [190:33]
Pluto TV Announcer
Yeah, I want one.
- [190:33]
Adam Carolla
Give us a case of those.
- [190:34]
Andy Dick
Oh, I want one. I want one. I saw one.
- [190:35]
Adam Carolla
You can't find the audio, but we do have the text copy the part you're referring to. All right, we'll go. Hold on one second. Yeah, we got the bonus offer. You get the heavy duty grilling brush with the Adam Carolla show logo in it. Marshall and Andy, we'll get you set up with this thing.
- [190:50]
Andy Dick
Thank you.
- [190:50]
Adam Carolla
Is. You will love this, man. Great. And it's unbelievable. All right. Do we have that? We. We don't have the song. I don't know why we don't have the song. I hear it on the radio all the time. Do you have the lyrics to the jingle? It's a jingle.
- [191:09]
Allison Rosen
A jingle.
- [191:10]
Adam Carolla
Your gift of hope is a great deduction. Southern Calif. All. Nobody else says deduction in there. It's give, give to the needy because you care. Because they're people who are hungry. These are the only folks that work. Deduction.
- [191:30]
Marshall Cook
This is in the jingle.
- [191:31]
Adam Carolla
I swear to God. The jingle is your gift of hope is a great deduction. They should have a cash register sound after Southern California. They know they're all right. You want to try? Can you put a little, like, you know, pan flute or something under it? Or is there anything we can do?
- [191:51]
Allison Rosen
Anything?
- [191:53]
Andy Dick
Nah, you know, we need jingle stuff. We need.
- [191:57]
Adam Carolla
We need some light thing.
- [192:02]
Andy Dick
You need that.
- [192:04]
Adam Carolla
You know that Hanukkah music. Yeah, something.
- [192:09]
Allison Rosen
That's good.
- [192:10]
Adam Carolla
Your gift of hope is a great gift. No, I can sing it.
- [192:15]
Andy Dick
Wait, let me do it.
- [192:16]
Adam Carolla
Okay, go.
- [192:17]
Andy Dick
Let me do it. Go do that song.
- [192:18]
Marshall Cook
This will heal it for you.
- [192:19]
Adam Carolla
This will heal it.
- [192:20]
Andy Dick
Go play that again. Your gift of hope is a great deduction.
- [192:29]
Adam Carolla
Southern Jewish, California Jew.
- [192:31]
Andy Dick
I missed it one more time. I should jump in right in the beginning. Go.
- [192:34]
Adam Carolla
Let's go.
- [192:35]
Marshall Cook
Let's go.
- [192:35]
Andy Dick
Ready? Go. Your gift of hope is a great deduction. Southern California Jewish, Jewish Center, Jewish.
- [192:45]
Adam Carolla
Now, honestly, I'm gonna. I'm gonna ask.
- [192:48]
Allison Rosen
I'm looking forward to reading about this all over the Internet.
- [192:51]
Pluto TV Announcer
You know what?
- [192:52]
Adam Carolla
I'm in trouble. No, no. I'm gonna get myself into trouble. But seriously, Allison Rosen.
- [192:58]
Allison Rosen
Yes, Allison Rosen is okay with it.
- [193:01]
Adam Carolla
California Jewish. It's shrewd.
- [193:03]
Andy Dick
It is.
- [193:04]
Adam Carolla
I've seen 10,000 PSAs asking for money and donations and stuff that they do not bring the deduction part up in the jingle.
- [193:11]
Allison Rosen
Right.
- [193:12]
Adam Carolla
Somewhere in the spying brain, rich people give money.
- [193:14]
Allison Rosen
I suspect my cynical assumption is that they're doing it for the deduction purpose.
- [193:20]
Adam Carolla
No, they're not doing it for the deduction. They're doing because they can get a deduction. Like, it's like, I've been enough of those charity auctions.
- [193:28]
Allison Rosen
I feel like some corporations do it for the deduction.
- [193:31]
Adam Carolla
Oh, well, I don't know. I've never. You never make more than you give away.
- [193:38]
Allison Rosen
I don't know how this money works,
- [193:39]
Adam Carolla
but the way it works is this. You go to one of those fucking charity auctions and they tell you, you know, look, we'll send you and three other people to Maui for five days and, you know, four nights and blah, blah, blah, and it's valued at, you know, $8,000. And you think to yourself, I bet I can get it for 6,500 bucks. And then I can write off a certain.
- [194:02]
Allison Rosen
Could redo a living room for that.
- [194:03]
Adam Carolla
Yeah, I can write off a portion of that. But you don'. Get to. You ain't making money off the deal. Nobody who's holding a paddle in the air is making any money off of that deal.
- [194:14]
Andy Dick
It's a great deduction. Southern California Jewish Center.
- [194:21]
Adam Carolla
Nice.
- [194:22]
Andy Dick
That.
- [194:23]
Adam Carolla
All I'm saying is it's the only time I've ever heard the word deduction. Absolutely ridiculous. It's a given. It's understood.
- [194:34]
Andy Dick
They know their target audience.
- [194:35]
Adam Carolla
It's a win win thing. But I'm saying, the idea that it's the Jewish center and they work in deduction donate.
- [194:41]
Allison Rosen
Your audience, the argument you're making is that they are appealing to Jews. And I'm saying.
- [194:48]
Andy Dick
Oh, Allison.
- [194:50]
Adam Carolla
I'm saying they are taking what was possibly an ugly stereotype and digging it in just a little bit deeper by working the word deduction in. In to their jingle.
- [195:01]
Allison Rosen
Because what I was gonna hope, it's great.
- [195:05]
Adam Carolla
It's like a sickle cell. It's like if the sickle cell worked in watermelon. You know what I mean?
- [195:11]
Allison Rosen
Yes. But what I want to say is, what do Jews need RVs for?
- [195:16]
Adam Carolla
I don't know. That's the point. They don't have RVs or boats. They're big. Oh, but they love fish in every chew. I know.
- [195:24]
Andy Dick
Buy them. They buy them. They don't use them. They're like, what am I. What am I to do?
- [195:27]
Adam Carolla
Do with. Oh, God, no.
- [195:29]
Allison Rosen
Come on, Andy. Come on.
- [195:32]
Adam Carolla
Your gift of hope is a great. All right, we'll get that.
- [195:37]
Andy Dick
Southern California Jewish Center.
- [195:42]
Adam Carolla
Just laughing, Just laughing. Auto shepherd, everybody. Auto Shepherd.com. yeah, these guys love cars. Trucks, Jeeps, you name it. 70% off list price. I know original manufacturer parts, by the way. You can save 70% off the original replacement parts, custom performance parts, accessories. Over 200 brands. An industry leader in customer service, and 365 day a year return policy. Auto shepherd is open 24 7. You shop online, shipping for orders over 50 bucks for free. So you get free. A big, fat, heavy starter. It costs 60 bucks and they ship it for free. And you don't waste time going to the store or gas or how can you get to the store? Your ride's broken down. I forgot about that. Visit autoshipd.com adam and use the promo code. Adam. And save 10% on anything on the site. So if you're into cars like I am and they have thousands of things on the site, you want to save 10%. You want free shipping for things over 50 bucks. Autoshepherd.com that's autoshepherd.com Quick question about cars.
- [196:57]
Andy Dick
I'm about to get a car and I want. There's two cars I like, and one of them is just. I think for my ego. It's the Dodge Challenger.
- [197:05]
Allison Rosen
I want to get it.
- [197:06]
Andy Dick
I want it. I want the. What is it? SRT8. I want that Dodge Challenger, but it would just be me tooling around, being a tough guy. Look at me.
- [197:13]
Adam Carolla
See, I'm not a bag. The gift of hope is the production
- [197:18]
Andy Dick
Southern California Jewish Center. Or I could get the. I love Dodge. I don't know why. I love these. I love how they look. They're powerful. I want the Dodge Magnum, also V8, because then if things do if things really do kind of spiral down the drain and you know, if they go and it goes down the shitter, I could always drive around the country with my guitar player, one of them Tim Walsh or Dan Teen or whoever, and just do little shows all around the country in the Dodge Magnum. I'm sorry, Not Durango. In the Dodge Magnum.
- [197:55]
Adam Carolla
Well, the Magnums. Is that the wagon?
- [197:57]
Andy Dick
Yeah, the station wagon. And they don't make a. No, but I get a used one. I. I saw one on Craigslist today. It's a V8. It's 10 grand and it only has like 50,000. No, 100,000 miles.
- [198:07]
Adam Carolla
You're black or Mexican if you drive.
- [198:09]
Andy Dick
I don't care.
- [198:10]
Adam Carolla
Well, they're going to be disappointed when they walk.
- [198:12]
Andy Dick
Let me tell you something.
- [198:13]
Marshall Cook
This is.
- [198:14]
Adam Carolla
No, no, please don't do it.
- [198:16]
Pluto TV Announcer
Please.
- [198:18]
Marshall Cook
The point is, let's talk about anything else.
- [198:20]
Adam Carolla
Let's get the. Get the Challenger, the Charger, whatever it is. Division three.
- [198:27]
Marshall Cook
I swear he's going out of his way to not talk about that matters.
- [198:30]
Adam Carolla
Division three. Well, he's Andy Dick, that's who he is.
- [198:33]
Andy Dick
Trying to have fun.
- [198:34]
Adam Carolla
Football's finest. I recommend it highly. A, cuz I'm in it. And B, I mean, Mo Collins, Will Sasso, Greg Fitzsimmons, Frank Cowan, Debra Wilson as a good group as well as a fine, fine performance turned in by our own Marshall Cook. Available now through Video on Demand. And listen, man, let's help the little guy for change. Sandler's fine. What about the youngsters out there trying to break in out on DVD January 17th and Blu Ray for that.
- [199:07]
Andy Dick
And you can pre order Pasadena on Jack and Jill and go see Division 3, football's fine.
- [199:13]
Adam Carolla
That's right.
- [199:14]
Marshall Cook
I would call it Andy's Tour de Force. It's just really amazing.
- [199:18]
Adam Carolla
Yes, yes. When. When they do the you're My Little Jud happens. They do the In Memoriam at the Oscars. They will definitely play a clip from this movie. With your gift of hope. We gotta get, get that jingle, you guys. It's awesome. So until next time, this is Adam Carolla from Bald Brian, Andy Dick, Marshall Cook and Allison Rosen saying Mahalo.
- [199:41]
Allison Rosen
Now when you're waving your balls in someone's face, aren't you taking a leap of faith?
- [199:51]
Adam Carolla
All right, that's Adam. Cool show 722. That does it for today's cool classics. Make sure to tune in tomorrow for an on installment. Until then, Mahal and get it on.
- [200:22]
Pluto TV Announcer
Hello and welcome to Pluto. Folks, if you know the name of the movie, you'd like to see. Just stream it for free on Pluto TV where all your blockbuster favorites are landing all summer long. Catch Anchorman the Legend of Ron Burgundy Fantastic Men in black one through three.
- [200:37]
Adam Carolla
That's what I'm talking about.
- [200:39]
Pluto TV Announcer
Mean Girls, shut up. Titanic, I'm the king of the world. And so much more. For showtimes, press nothing. They're free. 24. 7.
- [200:48]
Allison Rosen
That is so effective on Pluto TV.
- [200:50]
Pluto TV Announcer
Stream now pay now ever. Hello and welcome to Pluto Foe. If you knew the name of the movie you'd like to see, just stream it for free on Pluto TV where all your blockbuster favorites are landing all summer long. Catch Anchorman the Legend of Ron Burgundy. Fantastic Men in black one through three.
- [201:07]
Adam Carolla
That's what I'm talking about.
- [201:09]
Pluto TV Announcer
Mean girls shut up. Titanic, I'm the king of the world. And so much more. For showtimes, press nothing. They're free 24. 7.
- [201:18]
Adam Carolla
That is so fast on Pluto TV.
- [201:20]
Pluto TV Announcer
Stream now pay Never.
- [201:22]
Adam Carolla
Summer adventures are better with Minky Couture.
- [201:26]
Allison Rosen
From road trips to ball games, beach nights to backyard movies, Minky has you covered. Don't miss the Everywhere Blanket. Water resistant, ultra soft and made for
- [201:38]
Adam Carolla
life on the go Wherever summer takes you, bring comfort.
- [201:42]
Allison Rosen
Furred along minkycouture.com the original best blanket ever.