Ari Shaffir + Pauley Shore (Carolla Classics)

Summary

Podcast Summary: Adam Carolla Show – "Ari Shaffir + Pauley Shore (Carolla Classics)"

Episode Information:

• Title: Adam Carolla Show
• Host: Adam Carolla
• Guests: Pauley Shore
• Category: Carolla Classics
• Release Date: March 16, 2025

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Introduction

In this classic episode of The Adam Carolla Show, host Adam Carolla sits down with comedian Pauley Shore. The conversation delves into Shore's personal life, his relationship with his late mother Mitzi Shore, the legacy of the Comedy Store, and his ongoing endeavors in comedy and media. The episode is rich with candid discussions, humor, and insightful reflections on family and career.

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Relationship with Mitzi Shore and the Comedy Store

[02:07] Adam Carolla: "Pauly, you've been taking care of your mom while touring. How's she doing?"

[02:17] Pauley Shore: "She's had Parkinson's for a long time. It's been over 10 years now."

Adam and Pauley explore the profound bond between Pauley and his mother, Mitzi Shore, the legendary owner of the Comedy Store. Pauley reflects on growing up in an environment surrounded by upcoming comedians and the pressures that came with it.

[03:30] Pauley Shore: "I pretty much... stole a lot of my look from her, like the scarves and all that shit."

Pauley candidly discusses how his mother's influence shaped his career and personal style, emphasizing their close relationship despite the challenges posed by her illness.

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Legacy and Future of the Comedy Store

The discussion transitions to the future of the Comedy Store amidst real estate pressures on Sunset Strip.

[04:08] Pauley Shore: "I think the Comedy Store will be here after we're all gone."

Pauley expresses his confidence in the institution's resilience, attributing its longevity to the family's commitment and the store's historical significance in the comedy world.

[05:11] Pauley Shore: "It's like the Emerald City for comedians. Everyone wants to be around that."

He highlights how the Comedy Store serves as a nurturing ground for diverse comedic talents, maintaining its status as a coveted venue for aspiring comedians nationwide.

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Family Dynamics and Caregiving

Pauley opens up about the complexities of being the primary caregiver for his mother and the strain it places on family relationships.

[16:44] Pauley Shore: "I will feed my mom, the caregiver, and then I will go to my friend Jason's house."

The conversation touches on the often unequal distribution of caregiving responsibilities among siblings, leading to tensions and feelings of resentment.

[17:06] Pauley Shore: "Not right now. I mean, my one brother, everything's cool. The other brother, I'm kind of, like, going through stuff, but we'll figure out."

Pauley candidly shares his current struggles with balancing caregiving and maintaining relationships with his siblings, shedding light on the emotional toll it takes.

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Pauly Shore's Documentary and Media Ventures

Adam introduces Pauley's upcoming documentary, providing a platform for Pauley to discuss his latest projects.

[20:44] Adam Carolla: "The documentary is Pauly Shore Stands Alone. It premieres December 4th on Showtime."

Pauley elaborates on his documentary, which chronicles his comedy tour across the Midwest while managing his mother's care. He also touches upon his new podcast and collaborations with other comedians, showcasing his continued evolution in the comedy scene.

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Humorous Segments and Interactions

The episode features lighthearted skits and interactions among the cast members, adding a layer of humor typical of Carolla's show.

[22:16] Giovanni: "She'll read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad."

[23:27] Pauley Shore: "Can I ask you a question?"

These segments provide comic relief, demonstrating the camaraderie and playful banter among the show's contributors.

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Notable Quotes

• [02:45] Pauley Shore: "I'm her baby. So no, it's been, you know, we're very close."

• [04:19] Pauley Shore: "She's like the person that really took them in and she, you know, developed them."

• [05:21] Adam Carolla: "If nobody at the Comedy Store can find a place for your next move, then what are we going to do?"

• [09:22] Pauly Shore: "But my mom, correctly, yeah, she thought about and kind of came to self-realization like, shit, she could have been way better."

These quotes encapsulate the essence of Pauley's dedication to his family and the enduring impact of Mitzi Shore on the comedy industry.

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Conclusion

This episode of The Adam Carolla Show offers an intimate glimpse into Pauley Shore's life, highlighting his resilience in the face of personal challenges and his unwavering commitment to his family's legacy. Through a blend of heartfelt conversation and humor, the discussion underscores the profound influence of Mitzi Shore and the enduring spirit of the Comedy Store. Listeners are left with a deeper understanding of Pauley's journey and the intricate balance between personal responsibilities and professional pursuits.

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Final Remarks:
For fans of comedy and insightful interviews, this classic episode featuring Pauley Shore provides both entertainment and a meaningful exploration of family dynamics within the entertainment industry. Don't miss Pauley's documentary Pauly Shore Stands Alone premiering on December 4th on Showtime.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

Foreign.

[Giovanni]

Welcome to Coral Classics. I'm her whole superfan Giovanni. This is the podcast we put up best moments, highlights and fans like the clips from all 16 years of the Adam Corolla show. We have a companion podcast titled Coral Classics available through podcast one premium and the ad free archives are available through Adam Corolla's substack adamcarolla.substack.com make sure to subscribe to get ad free archives for this show, the Adam Carolla show, the Adam and Drew show and Adam's brand new podcast exclusively available through his substack Be thou. And if you'd like to request a clip, please email us [e-mail] now on to the clips coming up. First we have Adam Kolla Show 1453 featuring Pauly Shore, Matt Acherty, Allison Rosen and Brian Bishop from 20.

[Adam Carolla]

Welcome back to the Adam Carolla Show. Here's what not to watch on TV tonight at 7 on BET. Don't watch Lottery ticket. A young man in the projects has a lottery ticket worth $370 million, but must stay hidden from moochers and local thugs until he can collect his winnings. Starring bow wow. At 7:30 on Lifetime, be sure to miss America's Super Danny, Debra helps a professional wrestler get a grip on his new blended family. And at 10:30 on DIY, definitely don't watch the Shatner Project. The Shatners create a relaxing space for reading scripts and meditating. That's what not to watch on TV tonight. Now back to the Adam Carolla Show. Pauly Shore in studio. Paul, he's got a new documentary which is coming out soon, December 4th on Showtime. Pauly Shore stands alone. Love a documentary, love comedy. So I'm gonna be watching this one. Good to see you, Polly.

[Pauly Shore]

Nice to see you. Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

This is so this is chronicles your comedy tour throughout the Midwest while taking care of your mom.

[Pauly Shore]

That's it.

[Adam Carolla]

How's your mom doing?

[Pauly Shore]

She's, you know, she's had Parkinson's for a long time. So it's, you know, it's a joy.

[Adam Carolla]

How is, yeah, I could imagine she's.

[Pauly Shore]

Had it for probably about, I don't know, probably over 10 years.

[Adam Carolla]

How is your relationship with your mom? I mean, Mitzi Shore, the owner of the Comedy Store and, and all that, the maker of so many great comedians over the years. But is your relationship always been good with her?

[Pauly Shore]

Pretty much, yeah. I mean, it's, you know, I'm her baby.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Pauly Shore]

Yeah. So no, it's been, you know, I got, you know, when she started the store. I could say. I could say the F word, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Say whatever.

[Pauly Shore]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Fuck.

[Pauly Shore]

Shit, bitches.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, man.

[Pauly Shore]

Yeah. Yeah. No. She started the store when I was pretty little, and it's always been good. I mean, I was the last. I have two brothers and a sister, so I was the last. And I. I'm the one that got into business. I pretty much. I kind of, like, stole a lot of my. When I was on mtv, I kind of stole a lot of my look from her, you know, like, the scarves and all that shit. You know what I mean? Like, you know, I would go in her. Cause I was on MTV in the 90s, and I would, like, go into her closet and, like, say, what the fuck is she wearing? And I just kind of grab a scarf and, you know, maybe some of her shirts and stuff like that. So me and my mom have always been. Been very. I don't know. And then I made it, and she. You know. You know what I mean? It was just like. It was very. We were very close.

[Adam Carolla]

Two questions. I know the Comedy Store is like, there's been a little controversy about you wanting to build up and maybe family members not wanting to build up and build out. For those of you who aren't from this area, it is really prime. Sunset Strip real estate is about as prime as you get. Is the Comedy Store going to be there 10 years from now?

[Pauly Shore]

I don't know if we're gonna be here 10 years from now.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's a good point, because we just saw this movie, Interstellar. Turns out the crops are dead. Would you like to sort of expand?

[Pauly Shore]

I think the Comedy Store will be here after we're all gone. I think it's. You know, it used to be Ciro's, and it's. It's kind of like the Whiskey or the Roxy. Like, I don't see any of those places, like, you know. You know, I think Nick Adler and his brothers and, you know, and his family will keep those places going. It's. It's got the history, and it's still. The business is still really well. And did you.

[Adam Carolla]

At some point, you wanted to sort of build up and go and make into, like, a resort or hotel or something like that, didn't you?

[Pauly Shore]

No, never.

[Adam Carolla]

You didn't have any plans for it?

[Pauly Shore]

No, absolutely not.

[Adam Carolla]

I. Why do I think we had this.

[Pauly Shore]

Conversation that was on Stern.

[Adam Carolla]

You were feuding with.

[Pauly Shore]

Yeah, I was feuding with my siblings. That was a long time ago.

[Adam Carolla]

What? What. How did that.

[Pauly Shore]

That was just based off. Based off of, you know, just, you know, the. Her estate plan and stuff like that.

[Adam Carolla]

But you, you know, your plan with the comedy stores, just keep it as.

[Pauly Shore]

Is, just to leave it, you know, we got to leave. Don Barris needs somewhere to go, you know, if he's. If he doesn't, you know what I mean? If the Ding Dong show doesn't have a place, then what are we going to do?

[Adam Carolla]

Dude, in the Belly Room? Don Barris is the brains behind the Perry Project. The Windy City. The Windy City Heat. Yes.

[Pauly Shore]

No, I just think that, you know, the way she set it up many years ago, which is, you know, she likes you or the commissary accepts you. You can become the doorman and you can become the cook and, you know, parking the cars and answering the phones and it's a system that, you know, it's like the Emerald City for comedians. I just think that the comedians, they come from all over America and they want to work the Comedy Store because it's got the magic touch. It's got Richard Pryor and Sam Kenison and all those different people, those people that started there. So everyone wants to be around that.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, let me just clarify this for people, but you can tell me if I screw this up. A lot of people, like everybody, Letterman and guys like that, J.J. walker and stuff, they all started there. But everyone comes out in their pickup truck from somewhere. No one's born on the Sunset Strip. Right. I was a lot of conceived on the Sunset, but not so much born. But either way, they come out. And if you're at another Comedy Store, another comedy club, the person goes, you're funny. Come back Saturday night. But Mitzi knew these guys didn't have jobs. So she'd say, stay here, work the door, and then perform that weekend or that night. I'll give you a job here.

[Pauly Shore]

Yeah, she thought that you had something like Garry Shanley, who I've been talking to lately. Like, my mom was. My mom and Garry Shanley were very fond for each other. Not in that type of thing, but they just had a really great relationship. My mom loved Garry Shanley and, you know, really gave him a hard time, you know, when he first started Howie Mandel, the same thing. And if she liked you and she thought you had something, she would let you park cars. That's where Sam was. Sam was the doorman there. Yeah, Sam Kenison was the doorman there. So she liked, you know, Sam was outrageous. And she said, you know, you get seat people. And he sat people in Westwood and then the Comedy Store in Westwood, Yeah, the Comedy Store in Westwood back then. And so, yeah, it was like a college, you know, it was a community, it was a place to develop. So I was three.

[Adam Carolla]

I couldn't imagine growing up in that environment.

[Pauly Shore]

I can't believe. I know I haven't. I mean, it'd be weird to grow up there.

[Adam Carolla]

I just thought about it sort of morbidly. But when your mother, if and when your mother passes away, that's going to be one of the most well attended comedic funerals of all time, right?

[Pauly Shore]

I think.

[Adam Carolla]

So anybody with anybody who's alive is going to be there in the comedy world?

[Pauly Shore]

Well, yeah, because my mom, you know, the comics, you know, it's like my mom, she, she developed, I mean, Whoopi Goldberg, you know, you know, whenever, every time I reach out to Whoopi or have connection with her assistant, you know, Whoopi's always gets right back and how's your mom? Or Arsenio to this day, stops by and sees my mom all the time and Garry Shanley. And so, yeah, she's, she's like, you know, she was the person that, you know, that really, you know, took them in and she, you know, developed them.

[Adam Carolla]

How was it? And did you ever get into your comedy with your mom? So here's your mom and she's the arbiter comedy, meaning she's looking at young Garry Shandling, young Jimmy Walker, young Sam Kennedy, young David Lehman, young Robin Williams, like young everybody, and going, if that guy. Because no one knows Gary Shandling. Gary Shandling when Gary Shandling's 22. Or David Letterman's David Letterman when he's 21. So how do you know? Well, your mom knows.

[Pauly Shore]

So she's got a judge. She was the one that gave Roseanne Barr suspenders, you know, like, you know, remember when Roseanne did the Tonight show years ago and she came on in her suspenders? Yeah. Was the one that said you should wear suspenders.

[Adam Carolla]

So your mom watches everyone do comedy and judges. Your mom judges.

[Pauly Shore]

Comedy develops.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Develops and judges.

[Pauly Shore]

Develops and judges, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you ever get into it with her? Did she ever.

[Pauly Shore]

Absolutely. It was pretty, it was pretty terrible to quite be quite honest.

[Adam Carolla]

It was she. Was she frank? Was she harsh with you?

[Pauly Shore]

Yeah, very much.

[Adam Carolla]

And what were her notes? And like, did you, did you take them to heart or did you rebel against them?

[Pauly Shore]

I pretty much rebelled. It was bad. Like, yeah, like I, she's like, I told her, pretty much told her to.

[Adam Carolla]

Off it should be the ferret, not the weasel. And she's like, mom I'm pretty strong about weasel. The badger. The ferret. Not the weasel. The badger.

[Pauly Shore]

That weasel. Shit's never gonna work. Don't you take my scarf off, you piece of. No, she, she.

[Adam Carolla]

Did she hold. Hold back at all?

[Pauly Shore]

Well, the first two years when I first started, well, I went to Beverly Hills High School and then when I was 17, at the beginning of my senior year, I'm like, I knew I wanted to do stand up. I knew I had to get into. I was just. It was kind of my destiny. I just felt like I wanted to do stand up. So then I started going everywhere else but the comedy. So I actually started at the Laugh Factory. Started at the Laugh Factory.

[Adam Carolla]

So you were sort of, sort of a regular there, right?

[Pauly Shore]

Yeah, a long time ago. Jamie put me on there. It's before the Laugh Factory was a laugh factory. There was off songs before, remember Off Fongs was connected.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I remember waiting in line to do an open mic at the Laugh Factory or what would become the Laugh Factory and you slid up in front of me and did like a 22 minute set.

[Pauly Shore]

Yeah, that's what.

[Adam Carolla]

And I've never forgiven. Because that's the whole thing about the open mics.

[Pauly Shore]

People hold grudges, dude. That's why, like, you know, you gotta be cool to everyone, man.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't know open mics are open mics. But if somebody established shows up and wants to work out, they'll go up.

[Pauly Shore]

And work out to work out there. Then it was the Waynes, it was Kenan, it was Damon, it was Kim Waynes, you know, it was all the Waynes, Waynes and then there was David Alan Grier and stuff like that.

[Adam Carolla]

So what did your mom think about you working out? And this we're talking about one mile up the same street is the Laugh Factory from the Comedy Store.

[Pauly Shore]

She was so busy with the store, I don't think she really paid attention. But I remember the first time I stayed away from the Comedy Store. I remember one time, Argus Hamilton. You know Argus, right?

[Adam Carolla]

He's a writer mainly.

[Pauly Shore]

Yeah, he got me, he got me a night at. I think it was the LA cabaret. It was in the Valley. Do you remember the LA Cabaret?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I do remember the LA cabaret. Yeah, the thing. Argus was a writer for LA Times and Tonight Show, I think as well. But L A Cabaret was. Yeah, on Ventura.

[Pauly Shore]

So he got me a spot there and I did really bad and he bait and Ray, the owner says, get this, I fucking bombed.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Pauly Shore]

You know what I mean? It was like, get this kid out of here. And I remember Argus, like, paid him in coke or something like that, like back then to get me on stage. So the first time I went on stage, it was. I went on stage and I did a big dance number at the end. And this was in the or, and this after I'd been doing stand up for two years. And then my mom is sitting next to Louie Anderson and Paul Mooney, right? And after my show, I go, I go, how did I do? And she goes, stick with the dancing. You know, pretty much.

[Adam Carolla]

That could have caused a lot of friction between a son and a. And a mom.

[Pauly Shore]

It was bad. You know, it was bad. And then I started hanging out with Sam Kenison a lot. And she was like, he's gonna, you know, he's gonna ruin you. And I was like, you don't know what you're talking about. I was just like, obnoxious 19 year old kid. And then I got married.

[Brian Bishop]

Did you feel like, did you feel like she could accurately assess your comment or did you feel like she was being hard on you because she was your mom?

[Pauly Shore]

I think hard on me because I was my mom for sure.

[Brian Bishop]

And now how do you see it?

[Pauly Shore]

I don't know. Everything's a blur to me.

[Adam Carolla]

It was pretty high, you know, it.

[Pauly Shore]

Was funny, but it's true, you know, it's like.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I had a mild breakthrough with my mom yesterday. What?

[Pauly Shore]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, See, I had this conversation with her which was very satisfying.

[Gina Grad]

You came together on bran muffins?

[Adam Carolla]

No, you know, we didn't. We didn't have the greatest relationship growing up. But she said to me something that was very satisfying that I think, I think, Alison, you're gonna appreciate this. She said, I'm sorry I was such a bad mother growing up. And I said, I know. I mean, she's.

[Gina Grad]

I know.

[Pauly Shore]

Well, no, that's heavy.

[Adam Carolla]

She said it before. She said it before. She said, look, I admit I was bad and I know I was bad.

[Pauly Shore]

What did she do that was so bad?

[Adam Carolla]

Nothing.

[Pauly Shore]

She just didn't lock yourself in a room when you were a kid.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Well, they just went their separate ways. But she was neglectful. But she said something that was interesting. And I love this kind of talk. And this is what made me really like. Because a lot of people go, look, I admit it, I was a bad mom. Now let it go, move on. And she said, you know, I was a bad mom growing up. And I said, yeah. And she said, and a lot of people say to me, you know what? Because I think she sort of Lamented to people and said, you know, I was a bad mother. And they said, look, you did what you could do and you did all you could do. And then she said, but that's not true. I could have done more. And I was like, that's right. It is people who tell people, look, you did all you could do when.

[Brian Bishop]

You could do it. You did the best you could.

[Adam Carolla]

You did the best you could. And she said, yes, thank you. And she said, no, that's not true. I could have done much better. And I said, you're right. I'm glad to know that. And yes, it's true. It's true with everybody. When you go the society's way, it's filled with too many people, albeit they're trying to enjoy their lunch with this person and they're trying not to have them fucking sob into their salad. And they're doing, they're trying to make them feel good that by going, you did the best you could do at the time you could do it.

[Pauly Shore]

But my mom, correctly, yeah, she thought about and kind of came to self realization like, shit, she could have been way better.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, she could have been. She could have been better. And usually people hide behind.

[Pauly Shore]

Do you have brothers and sisters?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I have a sister.

[Pauly Shore]

Just one sister. And what does she do?

[Adam Carolla]

Prostitute. She's getting a little long in the tooth now, so money's down. She's actually a hairdresser, but she was a mom before that.

[Pauly Shore]

Do you have a good relationship with her?

[Adam Carolla]

I do, but it's a kind of a relationship that comes from a weird, strained. Every man for themselves family, you know, everyone just kind of went their own way, did their own thing, raised their son.

[Pauly Shore]

I don't even like talking about sibling stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

It's. How are you doing with your. Now that you don't like talking about it?

[Pauly Shore]

It's just weird. I just don't like talking about it. It's just not, you know, Are you.

[Adam Carolla]

Guys in decent graces now? I mean, thank, you know, you know, for me, honestly, Thanksgiving's coming up and this is. My mom is like, you know, getting into it with my sister. She was getting into it to me and I was fast forwarding to a few weeks with everyone sitting around my house giving the stink eye to each other over the floral arrangement. And I went, you know what, let's all just get it together so we can enjoy the day kind of thing.

[Pauly Shore]

It seems like Thanksgiving is like a really slow day.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Pauly Shore]

It just seems like people are talking.

[Adam Carolla]

Are you going to be there with your Family. Are you going to be there with your brother and sister?

[Pauly Shore]

No, my brother Scott is flying to Portland to spend time with my brother Peter up there, his wife and two kids. I will feed my mom, the caregiver, and then I will go to my friend Jason's house.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you. Would you like to spend Thanksgiving with your brothers? Or are you guys not really on those terms?

[Pauly Shore]

Not right now. I mean, my one brother, everything's cool. The other brother, I'm kind of, like, going through stuff, but we'll figure out.

[Adam Carolla]

Are they appreciative that you're doing what you're doing for Mom?

[Pauly Shore]

Yeah, I think so.

[Adam Carolla]

Because there's a lot of. I found in caregiving, especially as the kids become adults and the parents start to ail. Somehow the one kid will step up and do everything, and the other kid kind of hangs back. And then at some point, nine months into the one kid giving the sponge baths and bringing the food and everything, he says to the other kid, could you pick mom up from her MRI appointment? I'm gonna be out of town. And the one kid goes, oh, it's really not a good weekend for me. The other person goes, I want to fucking kill you. I want to fucking kill you. I've been giving that bitch sponge bass for the last fucking six months. I've never asked you to do a goddamn thing. I asked you one fucking weekend to pick her up from Cedars, and you.

[Gina Grad]

Go, 60 bad weekends in a row.

[Adam Carolla]

Not a good weekend for me.

[Brian Bishop]

Everybody and everyone hail. Sometimes in families, hypothetically, everyone hails the ones that aren't there. And you get the shit because you're right there and you're like, this is so unfair.

[Adam Carolla]

Whatever it is, it never gets split in an equitable way. It's never like, well, you take care of Mom Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, then I'll take her Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday. It's always one doing 90% of the work, and the one who's doing the 10% has the attitude about it, and eventually the 90 percenter fucking goes nuts.

[Pauly Shore]

A couple things on my stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

Number one, maybe a 90 percenter, they.

[Pauly Shore]

Don'T live here, right?

[Matt Atchity]

So.

[Pauly Shore]

But I enjoy it. You know what I mean?

[Adam Carolla]

I do.

[Pauly Shore]

I enjoy bringing her stuff. I enjoy looking for a place for her. I want to take care of her. So that's how. That's where I'm coming from.

[Adam Carolla]

Is there any resentment energy toward them of, why aren't you out here?

[Pauly Shore]

And I can handle it. And if you get too many, it's like, too many cooks in The. In the diapers. You know what I mean? Does that make sense?

[Adam Carolla]

They say, yeah, you know, Too many people. Yeah.

[Pauly Shore]

It's like everyone's already tweaked enough. Just the fact that she's sick and.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Pauly Shore]

Seeing her that way, you know, I did an LA Times piece about the. For the documentary. Was it yesterday? And people asked me, like, how's she doing? Like. Like some people. But, oh, she's doing okay. Like, I'm like. I'm like, no, she's not, like. And I'm like, see this picture? This is her doing okay. And now she's fucked. You know what I mean? And it sucks. You know, your parent, your mom, you're talking. Your mom. I can't even talk to my mom, you know, there's no communication.

[Adam Carolla]

She's unable to communicate. Yeah.

[Pauly Shore]

I can kiss her, you know, like that. But it's not like, she's didn't say, like, oh, how was Denver? You played the improv or you play this show there? How was it? Like, there's none of that.

[Adam Carolla]

How old is she?

[Pauly Shore]

She's 84.

[Adam Carolla]

So she's now your father?

[Pauly Shore]

No, Dad's still around. Yeah, he's in Vegas.

[Adam Carolla]

Is she. Does he do any performing anymore?

[Pauly Shore]

Yeah. In his bed. No, I'm just kidding. No, he. Yeah, he goes. He opens for me and he does some shows and, you know, he's. I think he's working with. Is it Tony Orlando? I think, coming up in a couple months.

[Adam Carolla]

Really? So your dad's still out there.

[Pauly Shore]

He's. Jeff Ross loves my dad, dude. Like, him and my dad are.

[Adam Carolla]

Anyone who tells a joke over 80, Jeff Ross is fucking sleeping over at their house. That's his motto. If you're over 80 and you crack a joke, even if it's a knock, knock joke, Ross is spending the weekend at your place.

[Pauly Shore]

He loves those old school guys.

[Adam Carolla]

He loves it. He loves just sitting around talking to us about Buddy Hackett all day.

[Pauly Shore]

But the good part is that both my parents are alive still and they're in their late 80s. So, like, maybe I have their genes and I can live forever. Goodie for everyone.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Well, the documentary is Pauly Shore Stands Alone. That is. Oh, by the way. By the way, that premieres December 4th on Showtime. I think I watched one of your last specials where you were performing with your dad. Right? Your dad.

[Pauly Shore]

I've done some stuff. I done some stuff with him. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Can you imagine doing stand up with your dad?

[Pauly Shore]

No, it's like. It's.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, well, that's what man acts Sound like.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, everybody. Jim Carolla taking the stage. Yeah, hello. Yeah, dad. So just keep it to a tight 20, all right? Oh, great. Well, I do kind of come in and actually, I need you to open for me. I won't open for you. Hell, yeah. Yeah. Okay, so at least we're on the same page. Hell, yeah. Yeah. And don't worry. Yeah, nobody likes a blue and gray old man up there. Oh, great. You know what? Maybe, by the way, I think your Reagan stuff is super funny, but maybe it's time to step it up, you know? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay, good. So, you know, if you're gonna work presidential, see if you can get some Obama jokes or something like that. Yeah. Hello? Yeah, no, this is me again. Keep a tight 20. It's a younger crowd. Oh, great. All right. Break a leg out there. That was pop water. Yeah, don't go into the act yet. That was my dad, everybody. All right, should we do a little news with Allison Rosen? The news with Allison Rosen.

[Giovanni]

She'll read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad.

[Adam Carolla]

It's Allison, Allison.

[Giovanni]

And when it's time to wrap it.

[Adam Carolla]

Up, she'll sign it off with Zip it, cunt. It's Allison Allison.

[Pauly Shore]

Ah.

[Adam Carolla]

Stamps.com, man emailing those letters, those packages. The holiday season is upon us. Everybody's spread out. You want to defecate in that box and send it to your brother in Portland? Polly, May I recommend stamps.com? save you a ton of dough. They got a deal, man. They got a deal. It's a $110 bonus offer. You use my name, Adam, you get the special offer. It's a no risk trial, includes a digital scale. Plug it right in your computer, you weigh your little parcel there, and you get 55 bucks free postage as well. So go to stamps.com before you do anything else. Click the microphone, top of the homepage, type in Adam, that is stamps.com, and enter the promo code. Adam. By the way, Pauly Shore's interested. That's the name of his new podcast. Episodes every Wednesday on itunes.

[Pauly Shore]

Can I ask you a question? So you're like, the king of this. Like, how long you been doing this? Or, like, give me some pointers.

[Adam Carolla]

Interested?

[Pauly Shore]

Yeah, give me some pointers.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay.

[Pauly Shore]

You know what I'm saying? I remember when I first came here. How many years ago is that? Because we used to sit on.

[Adam Carolla]

Five years ago. Yeah, probably five years ago.

[Pauly Shore]

Because I saw you last time when we did Howard Stern. That was a couple years ago.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Pauly Shore]

How Long were you hosting with him? That was cool.

[Adam Carolla]

With Stern?

[Pauly Shore]

Yeah, that was awesome.

[Adam Carolla]

I just would sit in with him.

[Pauly Shore]

That was hysteria. Was it great?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the difficult part about that is I was doing Loveline simultaneously. So when I would be in New York, I would do Loveline from 1am to 3am East coast time, and then I would show up and do Stern at 6am wow. So sleep deprivation.

[Pauly Shore]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Pauly Shore]

And that was toxic.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I would do that, and then I would do it from out here, too. But I always had a. Stern was always. Stern was great. Stern's always great.

[Pauly Shore]

It must have been such a fun time, though. Even though you were sleepy, I guess.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I wish I was just sleepy. I was more like, completely out of it, you know, like deprived, you know? But for Stern, you can get it together for a few hours out of the morning. Yeah. Paula, you were here in 2010, in June. So it's been a while.

[Pauly Shore]

This whole thing is. Because this week I have Marc Maron on mine, so I interview him. The concept of mine is a little. It's different than a lot I haven't seen or I haven't heard of anyone that's got this concept. What I do is I interview someone, and then I take that interview, and then I have someone else comment on the interview. So, for instance, this week, I interview Kitty Bruce, Lenny Bruce's daughter, and then I have Marc Maron comment on that.

[Adam Carolla]

I like that.

[Pauly Shore]

And it's different. It's like almost like watching Tosh point O. Or like, he'll play a clip and then he'll talk about the clip, but it's just audio.

[Adam Carolla]

I like that.

[Brian Bishop]

Do you choose who comments?

[Pauly Shore]

I wait for the interview to finish, and then I kind of think who I think would make sense, and then I'll call that person.

[Adam Carolla]

I can't guarantee anything, but might I suggest Elliott Gould? That could be a thing where, like, you could interview me and Elliot could comment on it. Like, go ahead, ask me a question or two.

[Pauly Shore]

Yeah. So, Adam, so I can see that you have some. You still are obsessed with the race car thing, huh? Have you ever had sex with Danico Kilpatrick?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Well, oral sex, you know, because she's not a big woman, so she can't accommodate my phallus. Elliot. Who gives a shit? Oh, boy. This is not going well. Maybe I have another question.

[Pauly Shore]

Yeah. So Jimmy Kimmel, did he have the same fat. What? Was it the same. The surgery that Al Roker had?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he had the lap band surgery that called him. He did.

[Pauly Shore]

That's what I thought.

[Adam Carolla]

Is that good?

[Matt Atchity]

I don't care.

[Adam Carolla]

Boy. Elliot Gould.

[Pauly Shore]

Now, see, that's good. He's not really doing good on comedy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You don't like any of this, Elliot, or. No, but I feel like it's kind of. It's freeform. It's a conversation, and we're not telling jokes.

[Matt Atchity]

No, I don't think it is.

[Adam Carolla]

No, it is a conversation. We're having a conversation. That can't be. Elliot, if you're gonna be this negative, you're not gonna be invited back to comment on Paulie Shore's show. Okay, well, maybe you were the wrong.

[Pauly Shore]

This would be a terrible episode.

[Adam Carolla]

He could have been the wrong. Maybe I should have never suggested Elliot Gould.

[Pauly Shore]

Yeah. No.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. Talk some more. Okay. I'm sorry, Allison. Should we do some news?

[Brian Bishop]

Okay. An unmanned spacecraft has landed on a comet.

[Adam Carolla]

Mmm.

[Brian Bishop]

On Comet 67P.

[Gina Grad]

Next up, Armageddon.

[Brian Bishop]

So the spacecraft, the probe tweeted as soon as it landed.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

It said, touchdown. My new address, 67P. I don't know how I feel about robots having personalities. But anyway, later it tweeted again, I'm on the surface, but my harpoons did not fire. So there's very weak gravity on the comet. And it had these anchoring harpoons that were designed to shoot into the comet. Comet, excuse me. To like, a fix it to the surface, and they failed. So Philae. That's the name of. The spacecraft, is not firmly secured, but it is still there.

[Pauly Shore]

So there's some shit that's going on the moon again. Is that what's happening?

[Brian Bishop]

No, it's on a comet that's 500 million kilometers from Earth.

[Adam Carolla]

Can we. Go ahead.

[Pauly Shore]

That's intense.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I say this? When you build. When they build, like, a very expensive Ferrari or Aston Martin or something like that, the engine bay will have the name of the craftsman who built the engine. It'll literally have the guy's name stamped in the thing. Shouldn't we have the name of the two or three nerd engineers that were in charge of whatever part of the rover or whatever part the device was so the guy could go. The harpoons malfunctioned. Thanks, Les Johnson. Nice job, by the way. Do you think the taxpayers could have a few dollars back for these harpoons that didn't work where they. Shit.

[Gina Grad]

It's kind of like movers, though. You only get blamed when something goes wrong. Les Johnson ever gets the credit when the harpoons work correctly.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Pauly Shore]

What if it says made in Japan on the side or.

[Adam Carolla]

Honestly, that shit Is farmed out.

[Pauly Shore]

Yeah, it is.

[Adam Carolla]

A lot of it is farmed out. Now they take all this shit and farm it out all over. Well, not Mexico, but the rest of the world.

[Pauly Shore]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

So the craft that they landed, Filet, it weighs about 220 pounds, and it's about the size of a washing machine. And it has an array of equipment to do experiments to photograph and test the surface of the comet and find out what happens when the roasting effect of the sun drives off gas and dust. And in case you're wondering a little bit about comets, which are. They have very low gravity, are loosely composed of ice, dust and rocks, and are very irregular in shape, and they're temperamental in their behavior and notoriously difficult to predict.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Pauly Shore]

It seems like I'm back in high school or something.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, you learn on this show, Paul.

[Pauly Shore]

It's pretty cool.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Although you weren't a great student, were you?

[Pauly Shore]

I was good in Creative woods. Oh, Wood class. Yeah, I was into that. Yeah. I'd make bongs and stuff, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

If I were you. If I were Pauly Shore at Beverly Hills high in the 80s.

[Pauly Shore]

Oh, that was such a good time.

[Adam Carolla]

It would have.

[Pauly Shore]

Oh, we had Oingo Boingo play our swim gym.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my God. They had a swim, Jim.

[Pauly Shore]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Every answer would be like. Like, can you tell me what year the Civil War was fought? I don't give a fuck. My mom owns the Comedy Store, and I'm going to be doing blow with Sam Kinison about 18 months.

[Gina Grad]

While I'm technically correct, Mr. Shore, that's not an acceptable answer.

[Pauly Shore]

Do you remember the club, the Odyssey? Yeah, that was the spot.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Pauly Shore]

That was crazy.

[Adam Carolla]

Not for this young boy from the Valley, but I remember that.

[Pauly Shore]

But you grew up out here, though, right?

[Adam Carolla]

I grew up. I remember.

[Pauly Shore]

What high school did you go to?

[Adam Carolla]

I went to North Hollywood High.

[Pauly Shore]

Oh, wow. So you were a Valentine.

[Adam Carolla]

I was a Vow.

[Pauly Shore]

Did you ever take the bus to the Tees Beach?

[Adam Carolla]

I took the bus to the beach, yeah.

[Pauly Shore]

Which beach? Santa Monica, probably. Did you take two buses?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Pauly Shore]

In Westwood, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You took one bus, like, over the hill, went to Westwood. You got in the next bus and went all the way down Wilshire until it hit the ocean.

[Pauly Shore]

It's on my side of the side of the. Which fence? We used to make fun of the Vals. Do you remember that or no?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, no, there was a big thing.

[Pauly Shore]

Remember, Val? Surf.

[Adam Carolla]

Val Surf was up the street. Street. And then there was, like. If you pulled up into the beach. Well, that was Just a surfboard place and skateboards and stuff like that. But there was a big thing. It was a. It was a weird time. It was a weird big. It was a weird thing. It was like, vals, go home.

[Pauly Shore]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

So if you showed up at the beach, there'd be spray painting. Vals, go home. And then there might be a thing that said locals only or whatever.

[Pauly Shore]

Yeah, like the Dogtown Boys.

[Adam Carolla]

And I was thinking to myself, you guys already fucking live in Malibu in the Palisades. I live in a fucking shack in North Hollywood. It's 141 degrees over there. I can't fucking get on this side of the hill and get a little fresh air. By the way, what do you think I'm doing? Gonna buy your parents cottage or something? I just wanna swim in the ocean for 10 minutes and then I'll fucking go back to my miserable life. Valves, go home. Locals only.

[Pauly Shore]

But it was funny because we used to take the bus and the valves would get off at Federal building in Westwood and we'd all just not say anything to him. And the second, like the bus would take off, we'd roll the window.

[Matt Atchity]

Go.

[Pauly Shore]

Fucking vows. Fuck you, you fucking vows.

[Adam Carolla]

Go home, you fucking vows. They had the vows. Their punishment was being a vow. Believe you me, the vows. And then also, when I was in junior high, you were either the people that go to you. Are you a surfer or are you a low rider?

[Pauly Shore]

Right.

[Gina Grad]

Those are the only two choices.

[Adam Carolla]

Those were your two options in life. Surfer or low rider. Those were the two things. I don't know why, but those. For 10 minutes in time, you were a surfer. You were a low rider. And if you were at the beach and they discovered you were Val, it was time to go home.

[Gina Grad]

You're excommunicated.

[Brian Bishop]

Now, was there a way to tell who was a Val other than seeing them get off or on the bus?

[Pauly Shore]

I don't know. What do you think?

[Gina Grad]

Pale skin.

[Adam Carolla]

I had a boogie board made out of cardboard. It was made of refrigerator box and cut off some hang tins.

[Pauly Shore]

Remember that one surf shop called Natural Progression? Yep, the best. Yep, the best. It was such a cool store Valley.

[Adam Carolla]

The Val surf was like a little shack. And then it moved into a bigger place and then it moved into a bigger place. And that was a. That was a. That was a cool thing. It's such a weird time that our kids are never gonna experience because they just buy everything on Amazon now. There's none of that hangout. What do you got? The smell.

[Pauly Shore]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

When you'd go into Like a surf shop. You could smell the wax. Wax guy be in the back working on a board. Smelled like fiberglass or resin or something. You'd get with this little weird smell of stuff. There'd be some new shit that you didn't know. When did those come in? One of those Sims skateboard wheels come in, like, oh, those red wheels? Yeah. And you're like, when do those come in? Like, it was a weird discovery process.

[Pauly Shore]

What was going on. It was very like. Like Fast Times, the movie Fast Times. It was that vibe, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And those were Vals. All right. Yeah, yeah, those. That high school was Van Nuys playing Canoga Park. And those were the two teams we used to play, or many teams we used to play at North Hollywood.

[Pauly Shore]

How old are you?

[Adam Carolla]

50.

[Pauly Shore]

Wow. 50.

[Adam Carolla]

So 1982 is when I graduated. And when that movie was made in 81 or whatever was, those teams were the teams we played. They show actual footage of those. You know what it was? It was like in Jaws, they showed some actual footage of a great white shark swimming every once in a while. It looked kind of weird, but they actually showed actual footage. If you watch Fast Times at Ridgemont High, you will see some actual Van Nuys, Canoga park football going on. And then they cut to their stuff or Forest Whitaker's jumping over the top and doing all that. But you'll see little weird little moments of the cheerleaders and the sidelines. And I'll go, I remember playing those. Those were the guys.

[Pauly Shore]

But wasn't high school just the best in the 80s because of the whole kind of John Hughes?

[Adam Carolla]

I think if you had a swim, gym, Oingo Boingo, and you lived in Beverly Hills and your mom owned the Comedy Store, perhaps.

[Pauly Shore]

So you didn't like your high school experience?

[Adam Carolla]

I liked it, but I didn't have a car or any money or any chicks or anything like that. But it was kind of, you know, as I always say, the best time in life. Pre AIDS, mid Coke. Yeah, that's what the 80s were right for you, Paulie.

[Pauly Shore]

Pre AIDS in coke. What?

[Adam Carolla]

Mid coke?

[Pauly Shore]

Mid Coke.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, Coke was cool. AIDS hadn't been invented.

[Pauly Shore]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Good times for Polly Shore.

[Pauly Shore]

Yeah, those are some good times.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Okay, exactly where were we?

[Pauly Shore]

We were talking about the thing up on the moon. Comet on the moon.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

But moving on. I know you love fuck ups in local news clubs and things like that. Well, there's a video going around. This one's not local. This was Megyn Kelly on Fox News. I don't know if you've seen it yet.

[Pauly Shore]

Oh, she is fantastic.

[Adam Carolla]

So now former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee who's the host of Huckabee right here on the FOX News Channel. He's also a former Republican presidential candidate.

[Brian Bishop]

That's it.

[Adam Carolla]

You can't say former and Huckabee more than three times.

[Gina Grad]

I'll say she said of Huckabee.

[Adam Carolla]

That's only just right now we're in trouble.

[Pauly Shore]

She said a B.

[Brian Bishop]

She did, yeah. Can you play it again? It's just nine seconds.

[Pauly Shore]

One sec. Let me see.

[Adam Carolla]

Governor, good to see you. Now former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee who's.

[Gina Grad]

The host of of Huckabee right here.

[Adam Carolla]

On the FOX News Channel. He's all.

[Brian Bishop]

She caught herself.

[Adam Carolla]

The best part about all the thing is the super uncomfortable smile that the person has to give. Who's the first person to hear the flock? Well they, they don't know what to do. They're kind of like for them, you know. I must say Fox is pretty remarkable considering they only hire models like to do their anchoring.

[Gina Grad]

They literally models and beauty pageant winners.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. There are some patching. They only hire incredibly good looking blondes 90% of the time to do what is a fairly difficult task. They should fuck up more often. There should be more fuckabies in there.

[Brian Bishop]

Then you actually dig into some of the blondes histories and they have law degrees or they went to Rhodes or they're actually.

[Adam Carolla]

Well it is true there's like Gavin Newsom's ex wife who's an attorney who's on there and stuff like that.

[Brian Bishop]

And but Gretchen Carlson, I remember she was trying to yuck it up. Like just folks and like what does that word even mean? And the Daily show did this expose basically showing how what she like showing her playing something super complicated on the violin and I think she had gone to Oxford and this.

[Pauly Shore]

What do you think about those type of girls? I mean that the girls that are on Fox that are super hot and intelligent.

[Adam Carolla]

I am always fucking amazed that the people that are this good looking or this capable or have this history or can play Mozart on the violin. I'm always like holy shit. Like where do these people come from? Because I don't know any of those. I mean other than Allison it's either present company excluding the story. But I grew up in a basically it was one or the other a couple hot chicks at the top of the.

[Pauly Shore]

Yeah, you don't see a lot of North Hollywood really hot chicks that are super, super, super smart.

[Adam Carolla]

North Hollywood, where we grew up. When a ch. Chick looked in the mirror at 16, saw a bunch of blue eyes, teeth and blonde hair and titties looking back at her, she went, fuck it with the violin.

[Pauly Shore]

Right, Exactly. So these are girls that go toe to toe with O'Reilly as well. I mean, they're on his show. They're just yucking it up. Like it's.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, what is what? I can't remember what the attorney. Ex. Wife. Gabbit. Yeah. Guilfoyle. Yeah, like, she's on the five. They're like attractive, incredibly well trained, you know, degrees and things. And it's like. It's really.

[Pauly Shore]

It's impressive.

[Adam Carolla]

Fucking turn on. And you know that part where it's like where they always go, oh, guys just want stupid ditzy, whatever? No.

[Gina Grad]

Well, we do.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, we do. But we'll take this too.

[Pauly Shore]

Yeah, for sure.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll take the fucking beef. Right. All right. Now that obviously that got out. They don't have a. What's it? Delay. Why doesn't everyone have like a 5 or 8 second delay? Why wouldn't you just have that now? I mean, I might fuck up everybody who was on the satellite because there's already a weird half second delay. And then if you did your delay, I don't know if it would fuck them up. But isn't there just a standard, like 7 second delay or 8 second delay?

[Pauly Shore]

I think there would be.

[Gina Grad]

Maybe because you blended the of into Huckabee. It could have been, you know. Oh, fuckaby. I don't know. I want to make excuses.

[Adam Carolla]

Either way, it's always good. That's a little disappointing. That doesn't happen more.

[Brian Bishop]

I agree.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't you think with everybody on prescription meds and everybody thinking about something else and everybody's fucking head up in the clouds and all the fucking teleprompting everyone has to read and Times millions of all the time. Should there be more of this?

[Pauly Shore]

Have you seen the. What was it? The Anthony Bourdain show? Do you like that one?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I like him.

[Pauly Shore]

He's good, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. It's like if me and Elliot Gould had an angry child.

[Pauly Shore]

Yeah, I think. I think that show's pretty cool. I saw it. Did you see the him in Iran?

[Matt Atchity]

No, I don't think it is.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, wait a minute, Elliot. That would be like. That's like our love child. That's like our angry. No eat anything love child. Stop being so negative. No, he'll eat fucking grasshoppers or monkey brains.

[Matt Atchity]

I don't care.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, he travels parts unknown. Great is what it's called. I don't know. We get feedback here. I'm hearing that you got a. All right, now it's back. Cell phone. How you doing with your cell phone?

[Pauly Shore]

No, I don't have it.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, what else we got?

[Brian Bishop]

All right, well, here's an amusing story from an Atlanta Chick Fil a. Apparently, the boss of the Chick Fil A, or the manager, circulated this document saying you can no longer use all these slang terms. And then this made it onto Reddit. So here are the words that the employees at the Atlanta Chick fil A are not supposed to be using. Because at the bottom it says, you are a professional, so speak professionally. And at the top, it says, you will speak properly when you walk through these doors. These words are banned. Bae, bruh. On fleek. I don't. What does on fleek mean?

[Gina Grad]

What's bae?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't. It's part of a song. It's like, bruh bro.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, like the Hawaiian way of saying it. What's up, bruh?

[Brian Bishop]

What are you saying, Gary?

[Pauly Shore]

What does it say?

[Adam Carolla]

It's. Before anyone else.

[Brian Bishop]

I feel like I did not know that.

[Pauly Shore]

I feel like this is that seeing thing, and they go to the doctor's office. Like, how far can you see? You know, where you. That's pretty far, dude. Can you see that?

[Adam Carolla]

Cuz. Chill.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, well, see, chill. It says. Unless we are talking about something that is chill.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You don't want to get beat on a cocktail.

[Pauly Shore]

I would never be able to get a job at Chick Fil A. Oh, my God. There's no way.

[Brian Bishop]

Ebola. Stop accusing people of having Ebola, fool. Okay, now here's one that I'm going to need someone to. I hope someone can chime in and explain this. And I'm looking at you young people across the way about a week ago. And then it says parentheses. Unless we're talking about what happened a week ago. But there will be no singing or dancing to go along with that phrase. Is there something about a week ago song?

[Matt Atchity]

It's a song.

[Brian Bishop]

What song is it, though? Do you know?

[Matt Atchity]

It's a Bobby Shimuda song. It's popular.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. I don't know anything. No saying salty or. What's that word sound?

[Brian Bishop]

Salty.

[Adam Carolla]

Salty. Is that ratchet?

[Brian Bishop]

Ratchet.

[Adam Carolla]

What's ratchet?

[Gina Grad]

Man, Ratchet's gotta be all from songs, right?

[Brian Bishop]

Ratchet is slang for wretched.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me ask you a. Ratchet is slang for wretched. Yeah, well, I'm a tool guy. I Like a ratchet.

[Matt Atchity]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Is that a huge time saver? I mean, just say. Why don't you say wretched?

[Brian Bishop]

It's a whole thing, Adam. It's a whole thing, all right? You can't say. Okay, barely, and then parentheses. Say it without the weird voice. Do you guys know what the weird voice is? That goes with barely.

[Pauly Shore]

Barely.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I think Polly's got it right.

[Brian Bishop]

You're not allowed to say that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, don't say it that way.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm legally blind. Parentheses. No, you are not. Oh, you can't say Felicia. There's nobody Sierra Nevada and anything with. Or not.

[Adam Carolla]

So this is all.

[Pauly Shore]

Basically. They can't hire high school kids.

[Adam Carolla]

It's all music code, right? 90% of it seems like it's from pop songs or something. All right?

[Gina Grad]

The hip and the hop fam.

[Pauly Shore]

So basically, people that they hire speak like this, which they're finding out. So they're. What they. What they're trying to say is the people that work there cannot act like themselves.

[Gina Grad]

What if Bali worked there. There would be no discussion of weasels. There are no weasels in the kitchen.

[Pauly Shore]

No grindage. No Stoney. But.

[Adam Carolla]

I order you be. You'll be Pauly Shore, Chick Fil A employee. Hello. Hi.

[Pauly Shore]

I should. I should. Wait, before that. I should probably audition. I should go in there. We should do a hidden camera thing where I actually go in. I'll interview you and interview me for sure.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm the manager of the Chick Fil A and see me Valley.

[Pauly Shore]

I don't want to work at your shit place. My mom owns the Comedy Store. I don't have to wear that off.

[Adam Carolla]

To a good start. I'm looking at your resume. There's just.

[Pauly Shore]

I don't have a resume. I was just an encino man, bro. That's about it.

[Adam Carolla]

There's a big picture of a weasel on.

[Pauly Shore]

No, he's in The J.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. Mr.

[Giovanni]

Shore.

[Adam Carolla]

Young, young Mr. Shore. Yeah. All right. As far as the etiquette goes, as far as the language we use.

[Pauly Shore]

Felicia.

[Adam Carolla]

No, we don't talk about Felicia.

[Pauly Shore]

I got ratchet on my penis, bro.

[Adam Carolla]

We don't do ratchet. We don't do salty. We don't do fam. We don't do pop. We don't do o fleck on fleek. You know, I'm not hip to all your young person talk, but what we do. Mr. Schor, can I have your attention over here? Couple things. We don't work in ball caps and sunglasses. We don't work in scarves. We have a chick Fil a uniform. We keep our weasel talk to a minimum. And that's just.

[Pauly Shore]

What do you keep to a maximum, bro?

[Adam Carolla]

We keep respect. We keep respect.

[Pauly Shore]

You guys are like fishes, bro. In the fucking tank, dude.

[Adam Carolla]

Are there with the language once again.

[Pauly Shore]

We got to put some.

[Adam Carolla]

We don't serve fish. We serve chicken. And I'm not your bro, okay? Okay. So if we could. If you could. If you could just address me in a respectful tone.

[Pauly Shore]

Okay. What do you need?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, okay, it's not k. We don't shorten everything. What do you need is not what you say. And we have certain words that we do say, certain words that we don't say. That is, if you'd like to be an employee here. Now, I do know that your mom, Missy owns the comedy shop or something other over in Hollywood, but this is not Hollywood. This is Simi Valley. This is a chick fil A. And we have certain protocol. Do you understand that word?

[Pauly Shore]

Yeah. Are we going to be able to open on Sundays?

[Adam Carolla]

We are open on Sundays. That's my Sabbath.

[Pauly Shore]

Isn't that. Are you supposed to do that? Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you're one of the Jew people, so you can go ahead and work on Sunday. Understood?

[Pauly Shore]

Because I was told that we're going to be closed on Sunday.

[Adam Carolla]

You're one of the chosen who has to work on Sunday.

[Pauly Shore]

Okay?

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Pauly Shore]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Now, if you could just not repeat many of the words that are put in front of you. And if you could read that list off to me, then we could get on, fill out the appropriate paperwork and get started.

[Pauly Shore]

Got it.

[Adam Carolla]

What does that list say?

[Pauly Shore]

It says do not say the words. Ratchet, salty, childish. Turn it up, Pop.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold it.

[Pauly Shore]

Damn. Family. Anything? Nah, fool. Ebola, cuz. Chill. Duh. 300 or fleek.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, we're gonna get you fitted for smock, all right? I'm gonna put you on the fryer and the grill. You mind your.

[Pauly Shore]

Fuck you, man. Fuck you. I'm out of here.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm a riot.

[Pauly Shore]

This motherfucking place.

[Adam Carolla]

You wear watch?

[Pauly Shore]

Cracker ass cracker.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll pepper spray your ass.

[Pauly Shore]

Fuck you, man.

[Adam Carolla]

You're white too, you know.

[Pauly Shore]

Oh, Jew bag, I'm going to put my cock in your a hole.

[Adam Carolla]

I. First off, you're so lucky that I'm struggling with my sexuality and overcompensating by managing the Simi Valley chick Fil A. Now, when does this said cock reaming begin?

[Pauly Shore]

I apologize. I will. I will not say any of these words.

[Adam Carolla]

All right? I'll need you to start on Monday.

[Pauly Shore]

Done.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. Oh, by the way, could I get a set at your mom's place?

[Pauly Shore]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

I do Christian based chicken based humor.

[Pauly Shore]

We'll get you up in the Ding Dong show.

[Adam Carolla]

You know Don Barris.

[Pauly Shore]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm a huge fan. Now, again, I don't work blue. I do a Christian based, mostly chicken. But there's other foul that I'll get into as well, based comedy. And I'm only going to do like, I only need about 35 minutes.

[Pauly Shore]

That's not a problem. We'll stick you on open mic night.

[Adam Carolla]

And scene. Thank you, God. Is it Eddie Kantor's head that lights up when you've done three minutes on an open mic night? Whose head lights up? How do you know you've got to your three minutes?

[Pauly Shore]

There's a neon.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, there's a neon that goes on in the back of the room.

[Pauly Shore]

Yeah, the. Or it's to the left and in the main room it's straight to the back.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. But there's. When you're on stage, you can see it. Yeah, much like my backpack was snatched from the Burbank airport. Meaning when you're facing this way, you can see it, but the audience can't see correct what's going on.

[Pauly Shore]

But they could see the blue one. That's to the left.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but they don't know what it means. Let's bring it home, baby girl.

[Brian Bishop]

That's the news. I'm Allison Rosen.

[Adam Carolla]

Dip it, cunt.

[Gina Grad]

I'm sorry, could you, could you say that again, please?

[Brian Bishop]

That's the news. I'm Alison Rosen. Dip it, cunt.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me just blow somebody. That was the news with Allison Rosen. Until next time, it's Adam Crolla for Pauly Shore and Matt Hatchety. Allison Rosen and Ball. Brian. Say it.

[Pauly Shore]

Mahala. What do you keep to a maximum, bro?

[Giovanni]

All right, this is Adam Cole show 1453 with Polly Shore from 2014. There's this great video where Adam went to Paulie's house to appear on his podcast and I'm just making fun of him the entire time. Go to Polly's YouTube channel and find that. It's one of the funniest things I've ever seen in my entire life.

[Allison Rosen]

Adam crushed it.

[Giovanni]

All right, come up next, we have Adam Curlishow, 1780, RH here, Gina Grad and Brian Bishop, 2016.

[Adam Carolla]

And now Alcoa presents Definitely not a Jew on the Adam Carolla show. Dateline, west lynn, Oregon. A 23 year old man was arrested on suspicion of burglary, trespassing and criminal Mischief after he was found asleep in a backyard chicken coop. Definitely not a Jew. Ah, Ari Shafir is here.

[Matt Atchity]

I like that segment.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I like it. Nice. Good folks from Alcoa World willing to underwrite that for so many years.

[Matt Atchity]

Complimentary and racist at the same time. The perfect combination.

[Gina Grad]

It's a sweet spot.

[Adam Carolla]

It is. Oh, I didn't know. You know what, Ari let me do something. But Ari became a rabbi before going into comedy.

[Matt Atchity]

No, I was like studying for it.

[Adam Carolla]

But studying to be a rabbi. Okay. Yeah, Gary, I just misread that on track.

[Tyler Labine]

Went to rabbinical school.

[Matt Atchity]

Yeah, two years in Israel.

[Adam Carolla]

I want to know all about it. First, a departure from studying to be a rabbi. Casserole GTX Magnetech. That's right.

[Matt Atchity]

Well, they're expensive by rabbinical school too.

[Adam Carolla]

Any rabbi will know. And it may even be in the Torah that all 75% of the engine wear occurs while the car's warming up for first 20 minutes.

[Tyler Labine]

It was in my Torah portion.

[Matt Atchity]

It was the 11th Commandment. You don't want knocks.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really? You don't want Engine Knox did not know that Castrol GTX Magnetek has intelligent molecules. They cling to the critical eng even when it's off. No warm up needed. And it's just protection from the start. Look, take care of your engine, would you please? It'll take care of you. You pick up five quarts of Castrol GTX Magnetek and you get a select filter as well. Do it today. Just $24.99 at your local autozone. Good guys at Castrol. And as Ari's instructors, rabbi instructors, would say, such a deal.

[Matt Atchity]

My brother, when I went to Israel for a year, he drove my car. And when I got back, he was like, the brakes are making some serious noise. And I was like, all right, well, show me. He started the car. He's like, did you hear that? I'm like, you're not hitting the brakes. How is that a brake noise? I was like, that's. When's the last time you changed the oil? And he was like, changed the what?

[Tyler Labine]

What is the oil?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, a year.

[Tyler Labine]

You know, the thing that burns for eight days and eight nights.

[Adam Carolla]

I took the dipstick out.

[Matt Atchity]

It was touching the very bottom, like underneath. It didn't even come up to the level of the dipstick.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, the dipstick smelled like oil, but that was it. So what do we need to know about Israel? Give us. I've never been. Everyone says, you should go. And every time. I have an Israeli contractor now. I love Israelis, I find them to be. There's such a difference between those Jews. Our Jews? Yes. The North American domesticated Jew and the super crazy Krav Magra. Like, I've spent four years in the service. Yeah.

[Matt Atchity]

The only country is kind of like transsexuals. You go to Thailand, it's a whole different game than over on Hollywood and La Brea.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really? Yeah, you gotta go. Yeah, you gotta go to the nest. Yeah.

[Matt Atchity]

You gotta go to the original place.

[Adam Carolla]

So, so what is, what's Israel like and why should we go?

[Matt Atchity]

It's beautiful. All Jerusalem is made out of stone. It's. It's gorgeous. There's. It's mostly peaceful.

[Tyler Labine]

A lot of beautiful beaches.

[Matt Atchity]

Yeah, beautiful beaches. Tough, beautiful hot women. Girls go into bars with their green army jacket and a freaking Uzi over their back. That's always nice.

[Adam Carolla]

And is everybody right out of high school into the service?

[Matt Atchity]

Unless you're a coward? Well, yeah, pretty much. People lie in order. If they have a class, they lie to sign up because everyone signs up.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't you feel like we would be living in some sort of utopia if everyone went from high school and did a year or two in the service before they went on to whatever it is, as opposed just like Israel.

[Matt Atchity]

Why utopia? Maybe why would it be better?

[Adam Carolla]

I'll tell you why. Because. Well, especially now. But I feel like we are very concerned with teaching people how to do things, skills or here's what you need. You need to learn, you know, pre med or you want to go to law school or whatever it is, you want to become a professor. And then over here you're going to learn. You're not going to college, you're going to learn, learn pipe fitting or something like that. But really what we need first and foremost and above everything is just discipline, hard work, like work ethic, camaraderie, sacrifice, like all those things you get out of the military.

[Matt Atchity]

Yeah, you don't get that from college. You don't get work ethic from college.

[Adam Carolla]

For sure not. I would much rather my kids have David and Ari. Really? Yeah. My kids have a very strong work ethic than a just a head full of knowledge that you can't use but cement feet, you know what I'm saying? And I do think, I feel like I don't know Israel well, but I feel like in general, every time I meet somebody who's from there, they seem more composed, like they seem a little more focused. They don't seem like pie in the sky or anything. I mean, post all the flakes you meet out here. And I wonder if it's like that year and that year you waste like binge drinking and getting high and just taking general ed classes. Just really learning how to break down a gun and put it back together and getting up at the dam and climbing a rope and all that stuff. Like, wouldn't we just be better off? We all just did a year of that. I'm not saying don't go to college. I'm saying a year of this, then go to college.

[Tyler Labine]

And you know what else they are? Confident.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Tyler Labine]

Very confident.

[Matt Atchity]

They're tough.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a very good. It's a very good point. They're confident and competent. And it's like what you get from training, like knowing something and doing, you know, having hours and, you know, and here, like, here's. Here's when you get up, then we have breakfast. You know, first we run 6 miles, then we eat. It's from 7 to 7:30. Then we take whatever class. Yes. And they seem competent.

[Matt Atchity]

My dad still wakes up at 5:30am every day. He's serving the Israeli army. Army.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Matt Atchity]

He's never stopped doing that. Like he's. It's not like he's old now.

[Adam Carolla]

What did your dad do besides serve in the army?

[Matt Atchity]

Yeah, killed a few Arabs.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Matt Atchity]

Oh, you mean with his living room?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. It wasn't just all Arab killing.

[Matt Atchity]

They freed that. They liberated the Suez Canal and then gave it back.

[Adam Carolla]

What did. So what. Yeah, tell me about your dad. I'm interested now.

[Matt Atchity]

He's. He used to be Special Forces in the days where they have to train you. Like what you're gonna do when you don't have guns and they don't have guns because you just get like a few donations from Americans.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. So hand to hand.

[Matt Atchity]

Yeah, yeah. This is what he said. He goes, if you got two Arabs, nobody has any guns, which could happen. He goes, you look at one and you kick the other in the balls as hard as you can. And then you kill the first one and then you kill the second one.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Matt Atchity]

He goes, you can go one on one. You can kill any. Anybody.

[Giovanni]

That's.

[Matt Atchity]

That's what he said. I don't know.

[Tyler Labine]

Child's play.

[Matt Atchity]

Yeah, child's play.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. So your dad was a badass?

[Matt Atchity]

Sort of, yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Does he have any grand grandkids?

[Matt Atchity]

Yeah, a bunch.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, that's great.

[Adam Carolla]

That's awesome.

[Matt Atchity]

He loves them. I counted at my mom's house once, 37 pictures of my niece and one of me holding my niece, one of you. I don't even know if it counts. Like, here's another governor, Ashley.

[Adam Carolla]

You're basically an easel for your ease. She sees it, you point it out. Yeah, we're gonna Photoshop you out. Sorry, honey. Stop practicing Jiu Jitsu in the basement. Come up here. We gotta remember that. Bring the gaffer's tape. We gotta get Ari.

[Matt Atchity]

Yeah, yeah, but same stuff. He's super, like, organized. He wanted to build a sauna in his basement. He just built it.

[Adam Carolla]

He just did it. It's weird. It's something. I think you have to have kids before you start shifting that mindset. But I start realizing that that motor, focus, drive, confidence, ability, it's just all those things you want to bestow on your kids. And now our colleges are having safe spaces, which is sort of the opposite of what? Exact opposite of what I'm talking about.

[Matt Atchity]

Don't train. Don't be ready for the world.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't do anything. Go over here and talk to a counselor.

[Tyler Labine]

And by the way, we're really sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

Because Ben Shapiro came over and gave us a speech against affirmative action. Now you have to go speak to a counselor over here. Even though you didn't attend the speech.

[Gina Grad]

Because you were not introduced to a new idea, you must now see counsel.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Matt Atchity]

You can't introduce new ideas in college anymore. Anymore. It's run the risk.

[Gina Grad]

Ironic.

[Matt Atchity]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

The place of higher learning, it's not.

[Matt Atchity]

Higher education, it's lower education.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. And all I want is sort of fair, but tough, with a motor out of my kids, and I know they can do whatever. Whatever they like. So how do you. So are you born in Israel?

[Matt Atchity]

No, I was born in New York. Israel, too.

[Adam Carolla]

Israel, too. And you, and you, and you. You come and you're heading toward becoming a rabbi?

[Matt Atchity]

Yeah. I was raised Orthodox, and after 12th grade, most of my high school goes to Israel for at least a year to study that stuff. And then I went for a. I went back again for another year.

[Adam Carolla]

Is that's sort of there sort of Jackie Mason's thing, right? Or was he. He was a rabbi. I know he was an aardvark. I mean, in a cartoon. I gotta find out if that.

[Matt Atchity]

Jackie Mason's right. I never heard that.

[Adam Carolla]

Help me do this.

[Matt Atchity]

You knew a lot about Israel.

[Adam Carolla]

I remember I did a man show bit once where I went down to Fairfax and went into, like, Temple Beth whatever, and sort of walked down some stairs, and I saw guys with, like, boxes tied to their heads. And mostly he was an ordained rabbi. Can I say this? I want to know what the box is. But it sort of struck me as an excuse.

[Matt Atchity]

I heard it from an outsider.

[Adam Carolla]

Point of it was a lot of guys with a lot of like beard dander on their black. Black is not a good color with that. Can I give a couple of.

[Matt Atchity]

You're thinking about it from the different standpoint. Their dander is like a bragging point. You want the dander the more you have. That's why they wear black. If they can get it to be all white people, that's the ultimate respect. You go straight to heaven.

[Adam Carolla]

So it's like Elijah, they're literally guys. Well, a couple of things first. First off, I've said this more than once, but I'll say to you now, Ari, there are no Jewish firemen yet. You guys would be the best firemen in the world because you're one big Roman candle. It's all beards and pao. Even your hats. Like someone gave a Jew a hat with a wide brim on it and went, here you go. And they went. Not flammable enough. We put some tassels or something. Something.

[Giovanni]

Some wicks.

[Adam Carolla]

We need some wicks. Wicks. You're one big wick with sleeves dangling everywhere, beard everywhere. And you're constantly kindling Sabbath candles. You never hear about a Jews. It's never, you know, look, if the temple burns down, it's because the skinhead chucked a Molotov cocktail into it. But it's not because, you know, the rabbi was lighting the candle and his castle caught on fire and then he panicked and knocked the thing over. He fell asleep smoking it again. Like they're. They're the best because they handle so much fire and they're so flammable as a people. And you're never catching fire.

[Matt Atchity]

Jews have fires. There's Jewish owned businesses. And when those burns, it's just for insurance.

[Pauly Shore]

You're only.

[Adam Carolla]

You're only trying to hammer insurance on purpose. Obviously. Yeah. I saw these guys, they had these boxes taped to their head. They're wearing like every morning, bro.

[Matt Atchity]

Every morning you got to do that.

[Adam Carolla]

They were wearing what is a ribbon like around their head with a box on it.

[Gina Grad]

Why?

[Tyler Labine]

And up your arm, it says a.

[Matt Atchity]

Prayer here, it's next to your heart, and a prayer here, it's next to your brain. But what we did when we were little is you have to tie these tassels around like it's a box. Attaches leather strap. You tie it all around your hand, your arm, until your fingers. But we tried to tie it super tight so the marks would Last until like third period.

[Adam Carolla]

Uh huh.

[Matt Atchity]

Yeah, that was the game we played.

[Adam Carolla]

So the box on the head is where you keep the prayers.

[Matt Atchity]

It's give it up for God. God. You know, it's like we rep you.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. And then one more thing to catch on fire. By the way that's strapped to your head if you're a chair.

[Gina Grad]

Picture of this. Scary. I cannot picture the boxes. Like, are these like shoe boxes?

[Adam Carolla]

No, they're small, a lot of.

[Matt Atchity]

But by the way, they cost like fifteen hundred dollars.

[Pauly Shore]

Jesus.

[Matt Atchity]

Yeah, it's like a bar mitzvah present too. You get that? It's so expensive. My dad just gave mine away.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I know a guy gets you one for nine. Oh, I know a guy. Yeah. By the way, the ring box, jewelry, you know what I'm saying? They look, yeah, they look like Tiffany's box. They're sort of like a little Tiffany box. I don't know. So all these guys. So I go down there, middle of the week, middle of the day.

[Matt Atchity]

Yeah, there you go.

[Adam Carolla]

And there's all these guys wearing boxes on their heads. Yeah. And so that's number one.

[Matt Atchity]

Never considered from an outside.

[Adam Carolla]

And I always like the way, you know, I'm always like, I'm always interested in how like the origin of religions. Because when you like, you think about the Muslims, you go, all right, what do we got here? Well, first things first. Fuck shaving. No one ever has to shave. No shaving at all. All right, who's down with that? All right, I'm good. All right, now look, as far as the old ladies go, how do we work that? I'll tell you what, it's been a.

[Gina Grad]

Problem for a long time.

[Adam Carolla]

I got a plan, okay, how about we can cheat, do whatever we want.

[Gina Grad]

So far so good. Ladies are going to want a little quid pro quo.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, no. If they look at another dude, we can just kill them. And there's not a law in the land that can convict us. We're scot free. We'll walk.

[Gina Grad]

I don't like it.

[Adam Carolla]

I love it. That's good. Let's see, what else do we got? Oh, anyone who disagrees with us.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, there's gonna be dissenters, of course.

[Adam Carolla]

People. All right, just kill them. Just kill them. All right, so we can kill them. Yeah, there's a very convenient thing. It feels like a lot of guys. I don't feel like there were a lot of ladies in the room when they came up with the. I'll never shave and I can do whatever I want, but I'LL stone you to death if I see you looking at the neighbor.

[Matt Atchity]

Hey, how about. Are you guys gonna be cool with no one else praying the same time you pray or gonna be inclusive or how are you guys gonna handle that?

[Adam Carolla]

No, you gotta pray to our God. Otherwise we'll put you in a burlap sack and throw you off a roof. All right, but we can draw a.

[Tyler Labine]

Picture of the prophet, right? We can draw a picture of your God, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Just, you know, for draw Muhammad. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Now listen, if you're gay and you live in New York and you want to take Jesus and put him in urine, that's your business.

[Matt Atchity]

You don't care about that.

[Adam Carolla]

We don't care about that. But you get out a mechanical pencil and draw Allah. Even if you draw them with huge biceps, you know, like super pumped up, like every once in a while they'll do like a mascot and a bulldog will have big, big bicep veins and stuff like that.

[Gina Grad]

Dwayne the Rock.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. If you do something like that, even, that's no bueno.

[Matt Atchity]

Even if it's respectful.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. No, no, no. You know what? We've spoken too much about Allah already. We're not even supposed to be talking as much about him. So there's that. Let's see, what else? And the Jews, they kind of did the same thing. They're like, we don't feel much like shaving. And, you know, we could put on different floral patterned shirts every day before we leave the house. But what about the one black blazer that will just do that with all wool in July beer D beard dander on it. And then everything to be. Seemed to be centered around not working and eating.

[Matt Atchity]

Work done in six days.

[Adam Carolla]

It was a lot of like, let's eat. That's. That's what, that's what it felt. And as I was walking through this, this temple that was on. On Fairfax, I was just sort of looking a lot of guys not working and eating with boxes on their head in the middle of the day. And I thought, this is quite a scam. I like to work. This scholars. I like to work. And by the way, no crap revered, but it's still the middle of the day and nobody's working.

[Matt Atchity]

They're about to go to work. They're gonna work till 9pm Are they? Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Where do they work? What?

[Matt Atchity]

Middle of the day when you went and they did that, they had the box in their head. That had to be morning. I wanted to be like, 9am latest.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, latest box off by nine.

[Matt Atchity]

By nine? 10 maybe, if you slack. But there's no services that late.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, so boxes cleared by nine.

[Matt Atchity]

Unless it was a Saturday or a holiday. Then they go till like 11. Yeah, but that's Saturday.

[Adam Carolla]

And what happens.

[Matt Atchity]

By the way, I love how you say I was working for the man show and they're not working. Had to be the least amount of.

[Adam Carolla]

Actual drinking beer on a trampoline with juggies.

[Gina Grad]

Well, I'm saying Ziggy Zuggy, I'm so.

[Matt Atchity]

Worn out trying to complain to your wife. Wife. My life is difficult.

[Gina Grad]

These freeloaders over here wear boxes on.

[Matt Atchity]

I'm sorry I burped and I blew in your face. I got all this fear in me.

[Adam Carolla]

Jimmy had a fart joke writer's block situation today, honey, so we couldn't get anything done, so I found myself. But you jealous. But those guys are going to work at some point.

[Matt Atchity]

They are going to work at some point. They're going to work hard. They're not going to pay their taxes.

[Adam Carolla]

Was your dad, Was your dad devastated that you'd. You didn't pursue the rabbi route?

[Matt Atchity]

Hell yes. He was so upset when I was like, listen, guys, I don't believe in God, so I'm not gonna be doing this anymore. They were mad.

[Tyler Labine]

Did they sit shiver?

[Matt Atchity]

No, they didn't do that. They didn't do that because we had. We had. My. My aunt's stepson had that. And then they were like, kind of cut him off and kind of ruined the family. So he was cool about it. But he did say, even a dog believes in God. You must be lower than a dog.

[Adam Carolla]

I love and I do love. I always talk about this how other cultures, researchers think dog is an insult to us. My dog sleeps on my head every night and these guys are going, he lays down with dogs. It's a guy named Philly Cheesesteak. He's a lad.

[Matt Atchity]

They keep you warm.

[Adam Carolla]

He's awesome. I can nap with my dog.

[Gina Grad]

It's like, here, look at these 10,000 photos of my dog.

[Adam Carolla]

Treat him like a dog. You deserve to die like a dog. And if a dog's having a better life than I am.

[Matt Atchity]

Rehydrated grain free food with a hand knit sweater.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I know, it's crazy. They don't real. Other cultures need to be coached up on the fact that our dogs live better lives than us and that the dull dog insult is some relic that doesn't translate to us anymore. Not to mention the whole black culture with the W in there and how it's my dog and you're my dog and my pain dog. Even better. So stop with the dog stuff, Pops.

[Matt Atchity]

Their insults don't really hurt us. It's just not connected. Throw a shoe at us. Like, what is that?

[Adam Carolla]

So you say you're gonna come to LA and smoke pot and become a comedian.

[Matt Atchity]

It wasn't like straight to that. It was ease on down.

[Adam Carolla]

You know the show, by the way, this is not happening. It is on Comedy Central. It is Tuesdays at 12:30am it's technically Wednesday, if you get my drift, but it's Tuesdays. And tell us about the show, would you please?

[Matt Atchity]

We've been doing it for like six years in LA and festivals and stuff. We pick a topic and comics tell a story about that. So it's pretty cool seeing different, like, Christian y comics and degenerate comics tell stories about the same thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, that is. That's very interesting.

[Matt Atchity]

So you're like family and one guy will be like, about a beautiful Christmas and someone else will be like, the first time I had a hook or blow me.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Matt Atchity]

You know.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Matt Atchity]

In front of my Comes up. Yeah, exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

And then the podcast, Ari Shafir's Skeptic tank. And that is new episodes every week on itunes as well. Live dates coming up at the Irvine Improv, the Tempe Improv. And what you do is you go to arishafir.com and you can find out any dates where Ari's playing and anything about Ari as well. Yes.

[Matt Atchity]

I gotta get you on that show, man.

[Adam Carolla]

I shall. I love doing stories. You're full of it. I like any. I like anything where I'm on the other side of it.

[Matt Atchity]

What do you mean?

[Adam Carolla]

I like doing other people's podcasts. You know, it's just easier. There's a point. What people don't really realize is half of hosting a show is being funny and then the other half is what I call sort of traffic copping. Like, what time is it? Throw to this. This person's been talking the whole time. This person needs to talk a little bit now. We got to go to break. We're going to come back. It's always funner just to sit that.

[Matt Atchity]

Let someone else deal with it.

[Adam Carolla]

And let somebody else deal with it. All right, I'm gonna sit here and let Gina Grad deal with the news. How about that?

[Tyler Labine]

Let's do it.

[Gina Grad]

Sorry about that.

[Giovanni]

Showbiz Congress Tech news, sports news, world news.

[Adam Carolla]

Give me news with Gina Grad Rich.

[Giovanni]

Out of Florida, Sexy Obama.

[Adam Carolla]

Gina the news with Gina Grad we're.

[Tyler Labine]

Gonna start with a little bit of politics since so much is going on. President Obama has nominated Federal Appeals Court Judge Merrick Garland to fill the seat on the Supreme Court that was left vacant last month after the sudden death of.

[Adam Carolla]

Can we get one guy named Todd? You know what I mean? What's his name? Todd Smith. Okay, so I don't have to struggle over what's his name? Anthony Anton Antawan, Anton Andon, and then Ruth Bader. Then there's too many. Let's just get a couple of straight names. Oh, yeah, forget about it. It's. It's like it's a Dominican baseball team or something. I feel like I'm up here in the press booth and I can't say anyone's name. You know, there's one guy named Todd Johnson and we can love him or hate him, but at least when we were struggling and on panel and something and we went, well, look, obviously this Tom Johnson is trying to take this, this Todd's trying to take this country a different direction or just a good straight name.

[Tyler Labine]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

What is this guy's name?

[Tyler Labine]

Merrick Garland.

[Matt Atchity]

Here's why. He's never going to get in one. Because this is a real offer by Obama. He's just like, it's my first offer. I know you're going to say no, so I'll just give you somebody. I'll make him black. So you'll definitely say no.

[Adam Carolla]

And then Merrick black.

[Tyler Labine]

No, no. He's as white as the driven snow.

[Matt Atchity]

Oh, well, I just saw an Instagram post by a comedian and I assumed that was him.

[Gina Grad]

That's your research.

[Adam Carolla]

I didn't know anything about it. He is, to be fair to Ari, he does have a crazy first name. But. It is a. But Whitey has a version of crazy first names and that could be Whitey's first name. Crazy Merrick.

[Matt Atchity]

Yeah, it could be. Let me see him.

[Tyler Labine]

Very, very white.

[Matt Atchity]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

He's supposedly a moderate. I mean, he's not really super either way.

[Tyler Labine]

Exactly.

[Matt Atchity]

He looks like a guy who not would, but could shoot up a TSA checkpoint.

[Tyler Labine]

The President spoke in the White House Rose Garden and introduced Garland, whom if confirmed would be the 113th justice to serve on the nation's highest court. The 63 year old Chicago native is known as a moderate who is widely respected by Democrats and Republicans. Senate Republicans have vowed though to block any replacement for the late Justice Scalia until a new president is elected. And Obama has feelings about that. Here's a clip.

[Adam Carolla]

To suggest that someone.

[Matt Atchity]

Is qualified and respected as Merrick Garner. Garland doesn't even deserve a hearing, let alone an up or down vote to.

[Giovanni]

Join an institution as important as our Supreme Court.

[Matt Atchity]

When two thirds of Americans believe otherwise, that would be unprecedented.

[Adam Carolla]

I say we wait for Trump so he can appoint Terry Crews.

[Gina Grad]

Omarosa. Oh, Terry Crews.

[Matt Atchity]

Maybe his daughter.

[Adam Carolla]

And he's gotta wear the full Camacho President Camacho outfit.

[Matt Atchity]

Yeah, that's what I'm looking for.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Well done.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I want to just go like professional wrestler. I just want to go. I want to go so far in this direction that we just have. It's entertaining. You know what I mean?

[Matt Atchity]

I'm down for either. Either Bernie or Trump. One of those two.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's change it. I am, too. I'm looking to shake it up. All right.

[Tyler Labine]

Well, Tuesday was a big day for the front runners. Democratic leader Hillary Clinton won the primaries in Illinois, Ohio, Florida, North Carolina, and Missouri, as we talked about about. While Republican Donald Trump took Florida, Illinois, North Carolina, and Missouri. Both Missouri races were decided by fewer than 2,000 votes and could go to a recount.

[Gina Grad]

That's kind of crazy.

[Tyler Labine]

Yeah.

[Matt Atchity]

But they split the percentages anyway, right? It doesn't really matter who wins if it's that close. Don't they get. Isn't like 17 to 16 total points?

[Gina Grad]

I believe they do. It's proportional.

[Matt Atchity]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So I was wondering about Trump hearing. Listening to news, hearing, hitting his speech and Clinton's speech. And it's funny because Trump doesn't. He doesn't feel telepromptery at all. But also, you must have a beat sheet or you're not going to get to thank this person and thank this state and, you know, here's. I'm gonna. Yeah, details. A deficit with China or whatever. I mean, what do you physically think Trump uses? Because he's clearly speaking and he's clean. One of the things I like about is just talking. But. And Dawson's got an inside line on this. Dawson shaking his head and pointing at his head. I don't think he uses anything. No, he says the same five things. I agree. But like the other day, he was. Okay, can I give you this? He was wishing a speedy recovery to Sarah Palin's husband after getting in a snowmobile accident. I. First name is Todd.

[Gina Grad]

Todd, Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Todd.

[Giovanni]

Right.

[Gina Grad]

Ironically.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Gina Grad]

Supreme Court.

[Adam Carolla]

Once he's all healed up from the snowmobile, put his robe back on in.

[Matt Atchity]

Front of the Republicans, by the way.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, my theory is if you got time to snowmobile, you got time to heal. Oh, that's one of those activities where it's like a couple weeks in the hospital. You got it. Whatever that time is. There's no time. I have to snowmobile. But if you have time to snowmobile, you have time to heal, you can.

[Matt Atchity]

At least catch up once a week. Emails light up the.

[Adam Carolla]

He was doing. He was doing a lot of thanking, you know, whatever. And Dawson, you gotta have kind of a beat sheet out there because you're gonna go out there and space on this guy's name and that accident and this, that and the other. I mean, look, have you seen anything, though? No, I've not seen it. I don't see anything with Hillary Clinton either. Anything? Well, he. There's a podium. They have sheets.

[Matt Atchity]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, what I'm saying is I'm not blaming him and I'm not saying it's any lesser thing. I'm just saying you have like, oh, I gotta thank this guy. It's not every day that Sarah Palin's husband gets. It's probably every. Probably only three times a month he gets in a horrible snowmobile accident.

[Gina Grad]

But it's not a primary.

[Adam Carolla]

It's not every day. I know as somebody who does a lot of going out and saying stuff, there's times when you're walking back going, oh, fuck, I really forgot to bring up or thank or whatever. So I'm just saying if anyone knows. And there's such a thing as using a prompter and just putting beats.

[Gina Grad]

Most of them do.

[Adam Carolla]

Just putting beats in it. The kind of businessman he is suggests to me that he would have no problem remembering somebody's name that's part of his. That's what I think too. Yeah.

[Matt Atchity]

He's got to have a two hour meeting.

[Tyler Labine]

All right, well, let me tell you this. You might be right.

[Adam Carolla]

Completely convinced that there's not even a sheet that has anything written.

[Tyler Labine]

He might be writing note cards, but.

[Adam Carolla]

You'Ve never seen anything. Never seen him look at any.

[Matt Atchity]

He's also way more used to tv.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't see him reading. But I'm just wondering if he goes out there with. Sorry, go ahead.

[Tyler Labine]

No, no problem. But this is very interesting. This is the first thing that came up when I Googled it. Washington examiner, first sentence. White House Press Secretary John Earnest got a little tongue tied Wednesday after being asked what he thought of Donald Trump's suggestion that teleprompters be outlawed. Oh, yeah, first thing that came up.

[Matt Atchity]

It's a crutch for everybody else. I love it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Matt Atchity]

You should know this shit.

[Gina Grad]

I saw this.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, Go ahead, go ahead.

[Gina Grad]

I'm just gonna say I saw the same speech you did where, you know, Todd Palin, all that stuff. As much as he's given credit for being this, I don't think he's that good of a public speaker. I think he speaks in great sound bites to get picked up and get noticed. But I have not watched Donald Trump speeches in their entirely entirety up till last night when I did. I'm like, I'm gonna sit down and watch this. I watched his entire speech live. Not the sound bites to make the news. He's not that good of a public speaker like he was. He's like, they're talk, they're talking about this all over the world, all over Europe. And it's like, what is it? Wait, that doesn't mean anything. That is, that's worse than a platitude. That's like a vague generalization that doesn't mean anything. Like talking about this all over again.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll tell you what he does. He has a few things, good and bad. He has a few catchphrases. Yes, it's terrific. He also does a lot of. It's a time buying when your brain is just a little behind and needs to reboot. Every once in a while, your brain gets that spinning color wheel that your computer gets and it needs to buy. So he'll do, he'll do that thing where he'll go, governor Christie's terrific. Terrific. He's a great defiance, terrific guy. Governor Christie's terrific. Really. He's really great.

[Gina Grad]

We really like him.

[Adam Carolla]

You like him because he's a good guy and he's a terrific guy.

[Gina Grad]

He does a lot of treading water.

[Adam Carolla]

Does a lot of terrific guy. And you're like, all right. We, we, we're not, we're not. We've sort of, we're pausing here. We're rebounding. Booting. The thing I do kind of like about him is he's talking about all the anti Trump commercial campaigns.

[Gina Grad]

He takes it head on.

[Adam Carolla]

And he's like, I was at the golf tournament at Mar a Lago and I had all these high executives in there from Cadillac and everything's going great, everything's fantastic. And the TV comes on and there. So that went out so good. Like me, it was kind of funny. I love how he has the non sequiturs, his, you know, standing points. Just able to pull them in when he's talking about and Governor Chris Christie, New Jersey. We love the people in New Jersey. We're going to build a Wall. And Christie is going to be. Go to one. Yeah. Beautiful city, by the way. New Jersey.

[Tyler Labine]

The day's biggest losers were Marco Rubio, Ted Cruz, and Bernie Sanders. Sanders. Rubio failed to win a single state, including his home state of Florida.

[Matt Atchity]

He's done.

[Tyler Labine]

Yeah. Announced he was bowing out of the race. Here's a little taste of that concession speech.

[Adam Carolla]

While it is not God's plan that I be president in 2016. Shut up. Maybe ever. While today my campaign is suspended, the fact that I've even come this far is evidence of how special America truly is.

[Matt Atchity]

No, it's not. No, it's not. No, it's not. Winning no states is not evidence of how great America.

[Tyler Labine]

What's up with the drunk female in the front heckling?

[Pauly Shore]

No, I know.

[Matt Atchity]

That's his whole campaign rally there. Just one chick going, come on, we're here.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, let me play devil's advocate. You want that? Like, if I was stopping my campaign, I would hire a couple of folks, heavyset women of color, to scream no, because I don't want the one skinny white guy yelling, it's about time. Or just a lot of feverish head nodding. I'm gonna suspend my campaign for O. Well, there you go. All right. And a bunch of shuffling or some guy going, where's the clothes? Just quiz notes like, you don't want that. You want. If I don't have that, I'm going to hire someone to scream no at.

[Matt Atchity]

The end of a wedding. You don't want that vibe.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, right.

[Tyler Labine]

Why do they call it suspending the campaign as though they might jump back.

[Matt Atchity]

You're going to pick it up four states later, Right?

[Gina Grad]

I think I know the answer to this because this is the only time I've been interested in political presidential politics is because there might be a contested convention this year, and that's exciting. So if he, like, ends his campaign, he has to give up his delegates and they get redistributed, which could be very bad for Ted Cruz, for example, or John Kasich, because they redistributed maybe to Donald Trump or whoever finished first in that race. If he suspends the campaign, that is. It's just on hold. He. I think he keeps the delegates, technically.

[Tyler Labine]

Interesting. They were talking about today how they're going to parcel him out. So I guess they can't do that.

[Matt Atchity]

It's pretty much a parliamentaries isn't that.

[Adam Carolla]

It'S also the person.

[Gina Grad]

Weird archaic rule.

[Matt Atchity]

It's so dumb. None of it represents us anymore.

[Adam Carolla]

It's kind of a version of the person you're never going to see again. Where you go, it's goodbye for now. But not, you know, and they're working airport security four years. It's like you never see them again. Yeah. It's a way to just sort of leave something open. It's a softer landing.

[Tyler Labine]

Yeah.

[Matt Atchity]

Leave of absence forever.

[Tyler Labine]

Well, here's a little fun stuff that happened at the White House. This went completely viral the last few days. You probably heard it. The cast of Broadway's hot ticket musical Hamilton took its sold out show to the White House on Monday where the star and creator of the musical showed off his freestyle rap skills in the Rose Garden video went viral. Freestyle posted Monday shows Lin Manuel Miranda, who stars as Hamilton, rapping to a live drumbeat as President Obama prompts him with cue cards. They have someone from the military band in the background. Obama's holding a stack of cards that say things like constitution. And he's got a rap about it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Tyler Labine]

And whatever comes to his head, he just has to fill it in.

[Matt Atchity]

So I'm sure someone who does musicals is excellent at radio rap.

[Tyler Labine]

Well, you, you might like this guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Does a rap musical. Yeah, yeah, does Hamilton. He's throwing up some words.

[Giovanni]

I'm going to say some freestyling that you never heard. Constitution, the potus.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm freestyling. You know, this Obamacare.

[Giovanni]

Okay. I'm looking up because it was hopeless.

[Adam Carolla]

You guys aren't watching. That's quest love on the skins. Oh, no. It's the world's widest marine. He gets a medal for that, too. That's a nine. Oh, my God. Can we get someone with just a half ounce of rhythm on the street? He's kind of a. See that guy? Wait a minute. That guy was shooting at my dad 10 years ago. Innovation's important. You really got to send. Take yourself and create something. We need a new justice for the Supreme Court.

[Giovanni]

In short, oh, my gosh, this is my book report.

[Adam Carolla]

And immigrants. We get the job done. This is so fun. POTUS is holding up the signs. I'm not done.

[Giovanni]

It's the Oval Office.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my gosh, I can't believe I'm there. It's so much more intimidating than if it was square. Opportunity knocks and I can't stop. I'm here with the president and my pops and yo, the mic dropped.

[Matt Atchity]

He wouldn't drop it, though.

[Adam Carolla]

No, but that wasn't dare.

[Gina Grad]

It's disrespectful.

[Matt Atchity]

By the way, all those signs he made, those weren't just, like written with pen and paper. So they cost the government $250,000 a piece.

[Tyler Labine]

Oh, it was worth it.

[Adam Carolla]

I think Obama, like, every morning, like, walks into his. Like, his first meeting he has with the secretary, and some of his aides are like, all right, look, what do we got left? And then the secretary shouts out, we have 289more days in office. All right, people, how are we gonna piss off Whiny. This ain't gonna happen for a while, Right? Well, Rob, what do you got?

[Gina Grad]

I feel like you could fill out a March Madness bracket.

[Adam Carolla]

March Madness bracket. How about we have the mixed guy from Broadway do the whole rap thing on the steps?

[Matt Atchity]

They're gonna hate that, though. Is he white?

[Adam Carolla]

No, he seems black. It's rappy. It's good. Yeah, that'll be good. Oh, Bird. I like Mary King Cobra Day. The malt liquor, right? Yeah. Good, good, good. That's good. Billy Dee Williams. He's still around. Down.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, you could. You could.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's get him up here.

[Gina Grad]

You could pardon Wesley Snipes.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll pardon Wesley Snipes. That's good. That's good, that's good. What else. What else do we have here? Yeah, now. Oh, was King Cobra. Oh, no, that wasn't Billy D. No Billy D. Let's rename it the OJ Memorial Garden. It was Colt.45. Yeah. Okay, let's make a cold.45. Yeah, it's a gun implication. Let's just go with King Cobra. Let's go with Malt Liquor Day. I'll tell you what. Let's leave it open ended. Okay.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, Cat Williams, Secretary of Keeping It Real.

[Adam Carolla]

That's good.

[Gina Grad]

That's good.

[Adam Carolla]

I will give him, like, what, an honorary degree or something?

[Gina Grad]

Cabinet, you know, Just have him attend all meetings and make decisions related to policy.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, hold on. Let me. Let me talk to Chip. How's it going with the paroling of Suge Knight? Nothing. Well, just for a day. Just for a photo op.

[Gina Grad]

That's gonna be tough.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, well, let's keep working on getting Suge out here. We should give him some Congressional Medal of Honor or something.

[Gina Grad]

That's a Purple Heart for service to the. To the game.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, let's do a purple velvet. A crushed velvet purple heart. Pimp's head Purple heart.

[Matt Atchity]

Can we institute pork rinds on any of this? Is that.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, no, that's good. That's good, that's good. I like that. I like where. I like where your head's at. All right. Anyway, with 289 days more here, it's not going to happen for a long time. We're either going to get her, we're gonna get this guy in here, and who knows? I mean, it could be a generations before we see another brother. Oh, who could I play one? One on one for some charity game? Let's see. Who could I get in here to play like a one on one? LeBron. My community kind of likes him.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, Ellen DeGeneres. But then you dunk on her and give her concussion.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Gina Grad]

Really piss off Whitey.

[Adam Carolla]

That's good. Oh, let's get Rodman in here. Oh, yeah, well, let's bestow something on him. Oh, is he here? Dennis, you're in the house. Oh, good. He's making waffles. And a guy loves waffles. Dennis, get in here. We're having a meeting. We got 289 more days to piss off Whitey. Let's do this right.

[Matt Atchity]

Red, white and blue.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Does anyone need a pineapple soda or are we good? It's gonna be awesome.

[Tyler Labine]

All right, well, changing gears here. A rusty knife found buried on O.J. simpson's old property has been taken by authorities to look for any DNA evidence linking it to Simpson.

[Matt Atchity]

Too late.

[Tyler Labine]

Well, here's the thing. Sources told TMZ that hair was not found on the knife, and any blood that might have been on the blade was destroyed by bacteria through the passing years. However, the LAPD disputes the gossip site story. Police say that they're still conducting tests and that a final report is a week or so away. Nonetheless, TMZ won't do anything.

[Matt Atchity]

Why would he even waste money doing the tests? They can't try him. He already lost his civil suit. And he won his other suit. It's over.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't you want it? Now you're thinking like. We all know.

[Matt Atchity]

We all know.

[Adam Carolla]

You're thinking like an eighth atheist.

[Matt Atchity]

It's like not. It's like finding out that that fucking tooth fairy is not real. We already know. I don't need proof.

[Gina Grad]

Spoiler alert.

[Matt Atchity]

Sorry.

[Tyler Labine]

Sorry, children, everybody.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I know, and I'll tell you.

[Matt Atchity]

Just go catch someone who murdered someone now.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Speaking of home invasion. Simply safe.

[Matt Atchity]

Do you have a panic room as a sponsor?

[Giovanni]

Let's.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's. No home. Simply safe home security. I'm telling you, man, you want to protect your family? I do it Dawson does. Does it. Mike August does it as well. 247 monitoring just $14.99 a month again. I got the crazy mornings running around. I'm demolishing my kitchen. I got Philly Cheesesteak running in and out. The kids running in and out, letting the dog in and out. You want to know if the sliding doors open? You want to know if the window's open. Simply safe. Two eyes in there, they got a deal. Simplysafeadam.com. you get 10% off, you get a discount. Simply safe. And again, it's all wireless. No drilling, no muss, no fuss, no mess. Mike set his up in 20 minutes, everybody. And if you're Dawson, you're living in an apartment and you're going to move one of these days, pop it off, take it with you to your next pad.

[Matt Atchity]

Have you guys had any home invasions since you've had that?

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Matt Atchity]

Oh, great.

[Adam Carolla]

No. And I used to have five a week.

[Matt Atchity]

That's awesome, man.

[Adam Carolla]

Now we're down to zero.

[Matt Atchity]

They're really inconvenient, huh?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, home invasion.

[Matt Atchity]

So they got a meeting. Can we do this like next week or maybe Friday? Friday late.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. What else we got, sir?

[Tyler Labine]

Well, the New York Daily News reports that comic, legend and auto collector Jerry Seinfeld sold 17 of his rare Porsches and Volkswagens over the weekend. All but one of the vehicles he put up for auction. The sale netted him. Any guesses?

[Adam Carolla]

I saw it online.

[Matt Atchity]

$2.4 million.

[Tyler Labine]

Exactly. 22 million million.

[Matt Atchity]

What?

[Tyler Labine]

Yeah. The host of Comedians and Cars Getting Coffee said he was hawking his hot rods to share them with other collectors. Though he still reportedly owns 32 other Porsches, he set a world auction record by selling an original 1960 Volkswagen Beetle for $121,000. Seinfeld also offloaded a 1959 Porsche 718 RSK for 2.9 million and a 1974 Porsche 911 Carrera 3 point for 2.3 million.

[Matt Atchity]

I love that picture. Because he's out in the wilderness like Joshua Tree or by the ocean or something, and he's still got his fucking sport jacket and button down shirt on.

[Adam Carolla]

He's a classy guy, can't go anywhere else. And he's pointing at a BMW, I think. I don't even think he's pointing.

[Matt Atchity]

It looks like a Bavaria.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, Ari, you know cars?

[Matt Atchity]

No, but I know Bavaria. Did I think I got it right? Did I get it right?

[Adam Carolla]

It looks. What it looks like to me anyway. Circa 2000. Not. Sorry, 2002, not BMW. Would have been 68, 69, 70 in there. But anyway. All right, so we'll find out. The quarter panel to Bavaria.

[Tyler Labine]

What's the one at the very top?

[Adam Carolla]

That's a 356.

[Tyler Labine]

Because that has a Volkswagen Beetle top.

[Adam Carolla]

Basically. Volkswagen and Porsche were the same for a long time.

[Matt Atchity]

Hey, what's that car where you get the monkey to be a chauffeur?

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I want. Yeah. Hey, can I say this? Do you know what a Hoffmeister Kink is? No. That's what he says his car is. Oh, I don't know if it's a. I don't know if it's made by BMW or It's not.

[Matt Atchity]

Anyway, try calling that into 911, sir. What are you driving? I'm driving a Hoffmeister.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. What? Yep, you're right.

[Matt Atchity]

It's a BMW thing.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Well, I could see from just a little bit of the car that's BMW. And by the way, Hofmeister Kink is the name of a Nazi war criminal who's been in Brazil for the last 61 years. It apparently refers to a low forward. He goes under the name Jake Johnson now, though. Go ahead. It apparently refers to a low forward.

[Matt Atchity]

Bend on the C or D pillar.

[Adam Carolla]

Which is what he's pointing to. Yeah. Okay, so what's that? 68, 67 something. All right, whatever. It's between 58 and 61. It says. Okay. Anyway, looked like an old BMW to me. Not ironically, a Porsche.

[Matt Atchity]

And also, I heard that he has fucked in the back seat of all those cars.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, wow. Don't even have back seats. Can I say this? I am personally pissed as a rich guy over this, and I'll tell you why. Would you like to know? Please. I had to torture myself.

[Matt Atchity]

This is the Trump thing. Would you like to know?

[Adam Carolla]

Would you like to know?

[Matt Atchity]

While I think about it?

[Adam Carolla]

And I'll tell you anyway, some. About two years ago. Oh, geez. Not even that. I think it was the Mecham auction, 2014. And I go to pebble beach every year and race cars. We go to the auctions, and I always just walk around, look at cars and go, that's a cool car. I wonder if that's going to be worth in five years. That's kind of my. I look at cars sort of like stocks, you know? Like, is that one going up? Is that one going to hop up some. Hop up a lot. The thing about cars and the thing about names is. Yes, Steve McQueen vehicles sell for three or four times as much as their sticker. Or not their sticker, but their current value.

[Matt Atchity]

Because the owner.

[Adam Carolla]

Because it was Steve McQueen. And Steve McQueen's been dead for 35 years, or whatever it is. It's Steve McQueen. But the reality is, is celebrity. Not. Not celebrity in a live and not motorsports guy. Not, you know, one le mans five times or whatever. Not. No extra value, really. Those cars are going for what those cars go for.

[Tyler Labine]

Interesting. So he cares if they're Seinfeld.

[Adam Carolla]

No, even. Even the stuff I. Even I. Even the stuff I get that Paul Newman is really not bumped up much lately, like in the last 10 minutes, but while he was alive and even after, shortly after he died, it was the same price as a comparable car would have been. Okay, so now, and look there. There. There's stories like, hey, it's Paul Newman's station wagon. Him and letterman are the only two that own this Volvo station wagon. It has a Ford small block shoehorned into it. I guess that's a custom made car for Paul Newman. With two on a planet, that doesn't really apply. But for the most part, if a celebrity owned a car and then sells it, and I see it at auction all the time, unless the person's iconic and been gone for 50 years, it's about the same price. So this stuff's not inflated. He had a Porsche. Now stay with me. Iroc not Iraq zcar Porsche International race of champion Iraq. They put everyone in the same prepared Porsches just like they're going to do with us at the long beach grand prix, all the same. And let them race. These 1974 Porsche RSRs, they're called prepare, not completely race. Prepped, a roll bar, little modification, blah, blah, blah. His sold for $2.3 million. Couple of two years ago, I was standing in front of a 74 RSR IROC Porsche. They made 15 for the series. Jerry had one and. And another one came up for auction at mecham. And I said, what's this car? This seems interesting to me because Porsches were going up. RSRs were going up real fast, especially the different makes, the different designations were going up fast. This car had some. It was IROC, they only made 15. Blah, blah, blah. And I found a Porsche guy and I didn't know a ton about. I know fair about Porsches, but I know more about other things than Porsche. So I wanted a little help. And I was sort of saying, well, what do you think about this car? Because I think this car would be a pretty good investment because they only made a few. And it's rsr and Porsche's on the move and this, that and the other. And he said, yeah, here's the problem with this car. I said, what? He said, you want to go race right I said, yeah, I do. I want to buy these cars. I want to go race. He said, this car's neither fish nor foul because it's not a full blown race car. You're going to enter it in your division and you're going to get smoked because you're in with 935s that ran at Le Mans. And these are full blown race cars. These are. This is basically a Porsche RSR streetcar with a cage in it, a fire bottle, and a little bit of exhaust and intake work. But in and out of full blown race car. So this car is not really a street car. It's gonna be hard to drive on the street because it's got the. It's been modified enough. It's not really a race car. It's not really usable. And I said, oh, makes sense. You're making sense to me. I've had a feeling about this car. It seemed pretty cool. I like the whole IROC history and everything, but I get it. I can't go race it at Laguna Seca and be competitive, and it's neither here nor there. So I walked away. All right. Had to go look it up last night. Had to go find out what the car the car sold for. And I think it was two years ago, but it could have been three for 875. And his went for 2.3. 2.3. So there you go, everybody.

[Matt Atchity]

So you think the celebrity did drive it up?

[Adam Carolla]

Nope. That's what those cars just went up fast. The Porsche has been going insane. I don't say it hurts. The name doesn't hurt. And it was. Emerson Fittipaldi was the name on it. Mine had a different name on it. But you would have heard. Heard of it? I don't know. You know, but it's pretty. Apples to apples. That's what those cars are worth now. All right, anyway.

[Matt Atchity]

So you're mad because you didn't buy it.

[Adam Carolla]

I was sort of like, I probably would have been too rich for my blood anyway. But I was weird. I walked to it, had a lot of questions and feelings about it and had a very strong feeling about it. And let's just put it this way. That car that sold for well under a million dollars two years ago could have been three or four years ago. 2012 wasn't tripled in value. I'm still looking for that. But I came across an interesting thing here. One of the other 15 owners was Pablo Escobar.

[Matt Atchity]

No way.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh. Of the Fittipoli car.

[Matt Atchity]

That's way cooler.

[Tyler Labine]

Yeah, it's fascinating.

[Adam Carolla]

He was a great man. He'll be missed.

[Matt Atchity]

Either way, he helped me out of a bind or two, you owe him.

[Adam Carolla]

A favorite soccer field.

[Matt Atchity]

Either way, this product is unparalleled.

[Adam Carolla]

It must be great to live in a country where all you gotta do is build someone a soccer field and that's it. Don't worry about the body counts. Don't worry about poisoning everybody. Like, don't worry about all this. You need a soccer field.

[Matt Atchity]

I did nine kicks in a row on my knee.

[Adam Carolla]

I got nine.

[Matt Atchity]

You're in.

[Adam Carolla]

You're good. All is good. All right.

[Matt Atchity]

I had that same problem, by the way. I was gonna invest in Coca Cola in the 1930s and I fucking blew it.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, man. Some asshole came up to you? Yeah. Sucks. All right, let's do one more.

[Tyler Labine]

Alright. Well, if a good night's sleep for you is six hours, you're pretty much screwed.

[Adam Carolla]

Who's that?

[Giovanni]

A good night's sleep for a lot.

[Tyler Labine]

Of people can get away with it. But you're not supposed to do that because according to a new study, six hours of sleep or less is just as bad as not sleeping at all. Researchers followed people.

[Adam Carolla]

Six hours or less.

[Tyler Labine]

Yes. Who got a steady six hours of sleep a night for two weeks and found that by day 10, they were performing cognitively at the same level as people who. Who didn't sleep for three days.

[Adam Carolla]

What? Wow, that sounds insane to me.

[Matt Atchity]

I don't believe that study.

[Tyler Labine]

I know a lot of people who get by on not a lot of sleep.

[Adam Carolla]

I got a nap on that study.

[Tyler Labine]

You know, Mark in the morning show said that all the years they did Mark and Brian, he never realized that his whole world was just kind of gray. The noise and the color. Nothing was ever sharp because he was always exhausted. And when he finally stopped doing the morning shows, it was like a headache commercial.

[Adam Carolla]

I like when they have to do the headache commercial. No one knows what a headache is.

[Tyler Labine]

Yes.

[Gina Grad]

What are they trying to portray on this screen?

[Adam Carolla]

Why is this actress holding her forehead and wincing? Yes.

[Matt Atchity]

I know those people that are like. That are like when you barely have enough time for sleep and like before you take a flight and they're like, is it better to just get two hours or just not sleep at all? People like, it's better to stay up. Most people are idiots.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, let me tell you why. Let me tell you why they're all right. Number one, I don't. Thank you. Because the only person I hate more than the I don't need. I sleep like four hours a Night, I mean I just get up automatically at 4:45 in the morning. There's two people I hate more than that. The guy who then claims he swims every morning. Like man, you never felt more awake than when you swim. And. Or the person that claims he's a people person. I think I might hate the people. The guy says I'm a people person or I like the people watch. Unless you're beating off to it. I make an exception.

[Gina Grad]

In which case you respect that.

[Adam Carolla]

I totally, I revere those people. I look up to them. I want them to watch my kids if something should happen to me.

[Matt Atchity]

Once I went to the Riviera doing gigs. It's one of the worst gigs in the world. But you're there for a whole week and there's a pool area and there's all these like middle aged women and then there's nothing on TV to jerk off to. So you gotta like look at them and hope. But when the sun shifts once it starts hitting your way window, they can all see in. So you've got a limited amount of time. Watch out, shadow and work it hard.

[Adam Carolla]

Literally a window, window. So I hate these people. But I do want to always tell people this. You know when I used to do Stern and stern started at 3am our time, 6am his time and I used to sit, I used to sit in with, with him and he would do five and a half hours and I was a big enough fan and stupid enough to just go, I'm in. You know I'm in from go. And they'd go, well we need you at the studio. And I worked at Westwood One in Culver City. I would drive home to the Hollywood sign and get off of Loveline at midnight, go to bed at 1:30 and then get up at 2:30, sleep for one hour, drive back and do Stern for five and a half hours and do it all and try to be fun. Not in the same room. And people would say all the time, just stay up, just stay up, just stay up. And the answer to that is you are right. If the goal is at 6:01 I get to ring a bell and then go to sleep instantly. But if at 6:01 I have five and a half hours of radio to do, then I want to sleep for an hour. See, you guys are acting like you to make it till 6. No, you don't have to make it.

[Matt Atchity]

Till 6, you gotta make it way later.

[Adam Carolla]

You gotta make it till 11. That's what they're gonna make it to. They always act like oh, just stay up and then. Then go to the airport and then catch your flight and then go do the thing and then, you know, and it's like, yeah, I would stay up, too, if it was just literally, I could look at the clock and see go. Oh, it went to 3:01am Boom. I did it. I had hit the pedal.

[Matt Atchity]

I'm so tired that I'm checking into an airport, doing the kiosk thing, and looking at going, I don't know how to use this.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Ari's like, why is money. Why are they all twenties?

[Matt Atchity]

My flight's out at 100.

[Adam Carolla]

This is the greatest Southwest Kia either. All right, let's bring it home.

[Tyler Labine]

You got it. I'm Gina Grad, and that's the news.

[Adam Carolla]

Gina. Gina. That was the news with Gina Grad. Funny new movie coming out this Friday, the bronze Sony Pictures Classic.

[Gina Grad]

Did see a trailer for this?

[Adam Carolla]

I did.

[Gina Grad]

I, too.

[Adam Carolla]

It looks really funny. It's a gymnast who was America's sweetheart after scoring an unlikely bronze medal. Now she spends her day at the mall and milking her minor. She's milking her celebrity, trying to get some money back. It looks really funny.

[Gina Grad]

The dad's played by Gary Cole, who's the best.

[Adam Carolla]

I love.

[Tyler Labine]

Gary Cole is so great.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Also, and Ricky Bobby.

[Gina Grad]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, Forgot. Cicely Strong.

[Matt Atchity]

I need that stapler back.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm quietly in love with Cicely Strong.

[Gina Grad]

Are you?

[Adam Carolla]

I am.

[Gina Grad]

Okay.

[Tyler Labine]

She's gorgeous.

[Matt Atchity]

Who is she? The first mom from Falling Fresh Prince?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You know what?

[Tyler Labine]

She kind of looks like Lynette.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. She's from snl. And one of the reasons I love her, she's got a great sense of humor, she's great looking, but you could get away with her. You know what I mean? Like, no one would go like, oh, come on. Give me a break. When the blonde Hee Haw twins or something. I'm rolling their eyes and you go, no, no. She's really. She's a sweet spirit. She's super funny.

[Matt Atchity]

She's really cool. Come on, guys.

[Adam Carolla]

She's really.

[Tyler Labine]

She's beautiful.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, yes. She's in it as well. Anyway, it opens everywhere. March, March 18th. I see what you're saying.

[Matt Atchity]

I see what you're saying.

[Adam Carolla]

You get away with that in theaters. I'm just saying, you go out, go after one of the Lander sisters. All right?

[Matt Atchity]

It'd just be like, hey, your wife's pretty. Instead of like, come on, bro.

[Adam Carolla]

Come on. Give me the lander sisters, circa 1980. 82, from the. From the Love Boat. And you'll know what I'm talking about. Blonde twins.

[Matt Atchity]

Anyway, the two girls from Cannibal Run.

[Tyler Labine]

Oh, yeah, the latex jumpsuit.

[Adam Carolla]

The. The bronze Snow place, like third. The bronze. They're ready out this Friday, March 18th. All right, we will thank Ari. This is not happening. You got to see those twins. This is not happening. That is. This. That is the show. That is Tuesdays 11:30 if you want. Sorry, YouTube too. Sorry. YouTube 12:30 on YouTube Central Search and.

[Matt Atchity]

This is not Happening playlist. You'll see all the stories.

[Adam Carolla]

I got shot at Lander Seat. You couldn't pull that off, right? You could not pull that with those short shorts. There's no way I'd tell them to lose the short shorts. But even then you couldn't pull it off.

[Matt Atchity]

They wouldn't know.

[Adam Carolla]

Ari Shafir's Skeptic Tank. New episodes on itunes all the time. Just go to his website, Ari shaffir. Thank you. Us, Denver, coming up, St. Louis, coming up. Go to AdamCarolla.com mangria signings, live podcast everywhere. Go look it up and we'll see you. And we'll say hi after the show and everything else. So until next time, Adam, Carla for Ari Shafir, Gina Granvald, Brian, Sam, mahalo. Thank you, God.

[Giovanni]

All right, this is adam Kurillo show 1780. Coming for our final clip today we have Adam Kollishow, 1794, Tyler Labine, Matt Atchetty, Gina Grad, and Brian Bishop from 2016. Check it out.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's see. We got the game. Let's play the game. What's the theme?

[Allison Rosen]

The theme is in honor of a movie opening this week called Demolition, and it stars Jake Gyllenhaal. So the theme is Jake Gyllenhaal Movies Now.

[Gina Grad]

Diverse Career.

[Adam Carolla]

Stop. Brian and I were kind of arguing about this, although I'm not sure what we're. I'm not even sure what.

[Gina Grad]

Like you and I argue about who.

[Adam Carolla]

Took what side, but this Batman vs Superman business is the. Is the. Am I insane to say that they're happy with the 170 opening not three years ago, but now? Like, what was leading into this was, is this is going to be a huge disaster. And then they got 170. And I felt like, well, they should be happy about it.

[Allison Rosen]

They're as happy as they made. They're as happy as they put themselves in a position to be.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I'm saying.

[Allison Rosen]

So it's a qualified. Yes, but that movie was Supposed to open up the first weekend in May a couple years ago. That's when it was slated. And then Disney announced that they were going to release Captain America that same weekend. And for about a month, nobody blinked. And then Warner Brothers moved, and they didn't move after Captain America. They moved in front of it in the year. Because my interpretation of that is that Warner Brothers as a distributor, knew that they wouldn't equal what Captain America will do at the box office. And they couldn't run the risk of their tentpole movie being second banana to Marvel's tentpole movie for the whole year at this point. Now they get bragging rights to say, oh, we got the biggest opening of the year. We have the biggest comic book opening of all time. They were under a fair amount of risk of not even opening as big as Deadpool, which would have been really embarrassing. So they've kind of put themselves in a position where they can claim success, and that's really kind of what Hollywood is all about. So they're happy to be able to say, yes, we were successful.

[Adam Carolla]

As bad a movie as everyone says, because Brian hates it. But I have heard, like, some people go, oh, no, it's. You know. Which I guess things like this are gonna do. They're gonna be polarizing. And by the way, can I say this about Captain America? The rapper Common should take a page out of Captain America's book, because that's a name.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, it is.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, you're shooting for the stars. I mean, you can go ahead with Superman or Aquaman or even Spider man, but Captain Captain America, like, when the guy sat down and said this Captain America, I like that. That's a name. And like I said, Common the rapper really should get together with that guy.

[Gina Grad]

Expectations.

[Adam Carolla]

Who you opening for? Fair to Midland.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, MC Ordinary Mediocre.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so it's a horrible movie. My son, by the way, my son has seen it twice.

[Gina Grad]

Really?

[Adam Carolla]

So it's at least it's not terrible.

[Allison Rosen]

I've seen worse movies.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, Right.

[Allison Rosen]

Put that on the poster. The spectacle is there, but that's kind of all it has going for it, right?

[Adam Carolla]

How much? How much horrible accident by the side of the freeway, rubbernecking money are they making simply because of the just high volume of discussion.

[Gina Grad]

It's also kind of dumb.

[Adam Carolla]

It is. Or weird. It is. Or whatever it is.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, not as much as you think, because it really dropped this second weekend. The drop in box office is one of the highest drops.

[Adam Carolla]

Drops.

[Allison Rosen]

Considering that there's no other competition this past week.

[Adam Carolla]

170 to 50 something.

[Allison Rosen]

It was a 68% drop, which is one of the. Now, there have been larger drops in opening weekend box office, but typically that's with some other competitive film.

[Tyler Labine]

And this was a plummet.

[Allison Rosen]

This was a plummet because word of mouth gets out. So look, the spectacle is there and it looks good and there are are spectacular fight scenes, but it's got about as much narrative as a Monster Jam. Now, don't get me wrong, Monster Jam could be fun and go to watch, but that's about it.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, let's play the game.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay.

[Gina Grad]

Jake Gyllenhaal movies.

[Allison Rosen]

Jake Gyllenhaal movies. All right, so first up, a film from what year? 2001. One of his early films, one of his early starring roles. He plays a boy who has trouble dealing with the outside world and has to live in a plastic bubble. The movie is Bubble Boy.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, now this is a comedy and it was sort of based on the boy in the plastic bubble was John Travolta back in the 70s. Like a 70s movie of the week. He went, not a comedy. He went on to date and get engaged to the woman who played his mom in that movie, I do believe, who then died of like ovarian cancer or something. Like, am I the only one knows this?

[Gina Grad]

I don't know it.

[Adam Carolla]

He, you know, I don't know, was 20, 21 or whatever, was engaged to or very serious with the woman who played his mom in that movie of the week. And then she died of cancer. And I don't know what the. That shook his psyche a little bit. But I'm going to seen this movie. Oh, I remember seeing commercials and then it popped up on cable and they're like little bits and pieces. It's a lot of stuff. You picture him bouncing around a ball getting hit by semi truck, you know, bouncing around.

[Gina Grad]

Good stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

He's charming and it was sort of fun or adorable or something, but obviously the critics didn't like it. But is it 17% didn't like or 42 we didn't like? I say they didn't like it, but there are parts of it that they that were good enough. It's a stupid comedy. 36%.

[Gina Grad]

I took a wild stab and said 20.

[Tyler Labine]

Well, I'm going with half of your answer, Adam. I've never heard of this. It looks terrible. I said 18.

[Allison Rosen]

Bubble boy is rotten at 29%.

[Adam Carolla]

Diana Hyland, you said 37. 36. Diana Hyland, who's 18 years older than he was, played did he play his mom in that movie? Yeah. And then she died of cancer, like, couple a little while later.

[Allison Rosen]

She should have been in the bubble.

[Adam Carolla]

They were, like, engaged. Yeah, she would have got cancer in the bubble. She died of breast cancer, like, the next year.

[Tyler Labine]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. All right, all right.

[Allison Rosen]

Next up, another movie from 2001. Considered by many to be a cult classic. This is a film about a high school student who has a dark and eccentric side and starts to possibly discover time travel. The movie is Donnie Darko.

[Gina Grad]

I have to imagine you have not seen.

[Adam Carolla]

No, but everyone says to see it.

[Gina Grad]

It's pretty solid.

[Adam Carolla]

Everyone says to see it.

[Gina Grad]

It's pretty solid.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

You would like it as much as everyone else, but it's. It's a solid movie.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. I'm going to say. Jesus. Whoa. Weird one with the critics, though. Geez, who knows that? Good loan. I say the critics liked it because everyone liked it.

[Gina Grad]

Smart movie.

[Tyler Labine]

Bizarre. Yeah. Kind of high concept.

[Adam Carolla]

73%.

[Gina Grad]

It's at 82.

[Tyler Labine]

It's at 89.

[Allison Rosen]

Donnie Darko is certified fresh at 85%.

[Adam Carolla]

They did like this. They liked it.

[Gina Grad]

This is worth checking out.

[Adam Carolla]

I heard about it. They liked it even more in the audience on 1080. All right, all right.

[Allison Rosen]

Next up, 2005 film set in Wyoming and Texas. The epic love story between two young men. Jake Gyllenhaal co stars with the late Heath Ledger. The movie is Broken Back Mountain.

[Tyler Labine]

Did you see it?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, first off, for the record, I am homophobic, okay? Which is not a bad thing. I'm. I'm scared of wolverines as well. Do you know what I'm saying? It's not a bad thing. I have a great respect. What?

[Pauly Shore]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm sorry.

[Pauly Shore]

Scared.

[Adam Carolla]

I am. And again, that doesn't mean the wolverine is a bad animal. I just have a fear of them in a way, one could say the ultimate respect.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. The problem may be with you.

[Adam Carolla]

It could very well be with me. I will never know.

[Tyler Labine]

Never know.

[Adam Carolla]

We'll never know. We'll never know. But also, I'm rarely in the mood to be swept away. And again, I'm scared. So I never did see the film. I heard it was good.

[Tyler Labine]

It was.

[Gina Grad]

It is a good movie.

[Allison Rosen]

It could change your whole perspective.

[Adam Carolla]

Listen, I've never seen personal best. The pendulum swings both directions. Matt knows what I'm talking about. You guys can Google that. Mm.

[Gina Grad]

But a little overrated. He gets a little. A little love for being so. For being the homosexual angle. A lot of good press. I think it's a good movie.

[Adam Carolla]

It got a little more. More love for being sort of progressive. Like, hey, these guys are going. Everyone's going out on a lane for a couple of awards, okay.

[Allison Rosen]

Mainly because Randy Quaid's in it.

[Gina Grad]

He's great. And Anna Ferris is in this movie also.

[Adam Carolla]

No reviewer wants to be labeled as scared like me. Homophobic.

[Gina Grad]

No one wants that.

[Adam Carolla]

No. So you don't want that label. You don't want to give it a down. You want to give it a bad. But I'm just. If you're. If you're just sort of on the cusp, might as well just give it a thumbs up because we don't want to join Corolla.

[Gina Grad]

And Hathaway was great Shark cage that.

[Adam Carolla]

He built for himself. All right, I'm going to say it was a good movie. And the critics gave it some. Gave it some love for that reason. 89%.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, I said 89.

[Tyler Labine]

Also I said 92.

[Allison Rosen]

Brokeback Mountain is certified fresh at 87%.

[Gina Grad]

Lost. Best picture to Crash.

[Allison Rosen]

I believe so.

[Gina Grad]

The last best picture I did not see really overrated.

[Adam Carolla]

Crash.

[Allison Rosen]

All right, next up, 2010 film where Jake Gyllenhaal stars with Sir Ben Kingsley in this adaptation of a video game. The movie is Prince of Persia, the sands of time.

[Tyler Labine]

Perfect score.

[Adam Carolla]

Is there. Do you feel like there's like one. Many celebrities have their one workout movie where they just go, look, here's the deal. The script sucks. Like, everything sucks. But here's the deal. You're gonna get a personal trainer. You're gonna get shredded. And they're. There's going to be huge billboards of you just wearing, like, just a tight suede vest and your guns are going to be hanging out and, like, just going to. And it'll live forever. You can gain 500 pounds. It doesn't matter. That poster will always be hanging in your office. Like, just you and. Yeah, I like the way I like, like, absolutely. I want that. Was this. This is probably his. With that.

[Gina Grad]

That's Adrian Brody in Predators.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so now critics didn't love this, but did they hate it? Did they go bad on. I never saw it. I'm going to say they didn't like it. But was it an abortion?

[Gina Grad]

I didn't see it.

[Adam Carolla]

41.

[Gina Grad]

Ooh. This is gonna separate the man from the boys. Because I saw. I said 18.

[Tyler Labine]

Well, I thought it was gonna be much lower, but I gave a few more points for Sir Ben. I said 39.

[Allison Rosen]

Prince of Persia. The sands of Time is rotten at 36%.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, boy, that hurts. A lot.

[Allison Rosen]

Final movie, Sir Ben movie from last year where Jake Gyllenhaal stars as a boxer who starts at the top and loses everything and has to fight his way back. The movie is Southpaw.

[Tyler Labine]

Did anyone see this?

[Adam Carolla]

No. I was gonna call.

[Gina Grad]

No, literally no one saw this.

[Adam Carolla]

The Hammer was gonna be called Southpaw at some point. Now, I had enough people just say to me, like, oh, I like boxing. I like Jake Gyllenhaal. I like boxing movies. I want to see this boxing movie. And then I had sort of enough people kind of go, you don't have to see it. So that's. That's. That's. That's all I got. But.

[Tyler Labine]

But it does have Rachel McAdams and Forest Whitaker.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And it's. I don't think. I don't think. I don't think people said it. It's a pile that just. We're like, you don't need to see it. So now.

[Gina Grad]

Brian, I gotta go a little bold here.

[Adam Carolla]

You gotta go a little bold.

[Gina Grad]

I think I fell behind.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I think Gina's in the lead, but I think I'm within striking distance.

[Tyler Labine]

This is where I always tank.

[Adam Carolla]

Eminem originally supposed to be in this movie. So says Gary in the Internet. I am going to say that the. That the. The critics give it 57.

[Gina Grad]

I said 51.

[Tyler Labine]

I think I went too low. I said 44.

[Allison Rosen]

You did go too low. Southpaw is fresh at 60%.

[Tyler Labine]

Just knocked myself out.

[Adam Carolla]

I may have.

[Gina Grad]

Well done. It's a good pun.

[Adam Carolla]

May have climbed back into this. I'm not taking credit it for that boy. Fresh now 60 is the over. Under on fresh. Like 59 is no fresh. Right.

[Gina Grad]

Damn it.

[Adam Carolla]

I should have said rot instead of no fresh.

[Gina Grad]

Unfresh.

[Adam Carolla]

A lot of changes in the last round. Three or two or three rounds of that game. But Bald Brian bringing up the rear with 41. No. Followed by Gina Grad with 39. Ace man takes the win with 29. Wow. Yeah, I had a rough patch in the middle there, but I start climbing back toward the top. That's right. Ah, Reverie. I got a custom sleep system, boy. Know what I like to do now? You can turn the head part on vibrate, or you can turn the foot lower extremity part on vibrate. I get Philly cheesesteak sleeping down around the knees. I put the lower vibrate on. I'm like, there you go. See a little foam coming out of his nose. He's big jowls. He's like. He doesn't breathe for like 10 minutes. And then there's one huge one. Oh, it's nice. Oh, get the Reverie bed, everyone. Man, you can adjust it into a zero gravity position. I got an anti snore position. Hey, you want to, you know the commercial where then she's up watching the tv, he's sleeping, or it's the other way around. Do whatever you want. They got Bluetooth speakers. You're gonna hook up to the thing. It's just. What do I say, Brian? I say get a good car, get a good TV robe, get a good bathrobe. That's right. And get a good bed. And then I don't care how miserable your life is, it'll never dip below, like a five and a half because you'll. You'll be on your cool bathrobe watching your big TV and your reverend bed. Like, how bad can it be? I don't care what happens after that. They got a special offer, my listeners. 250 bucks off of accessories. So you can get a credit toward accessories. All the different stuff that comes along with the bed. Go to sleeplikeadam.com People say, seriously, like, they go, really? With the Reverie bed. Are you serious? Like, sort of off mic. Like, are you into it? And it's like, oh, yeah, wouldn't go back. Couldn't go back. Sleep like a Adam.com. you're worth it. Sleeplike Adam.com. you can get financing too. Zero percent financing. All right, we'll take a quick break. I should tell everyone Rotten Tomatoes. Go there, listen to the podcast and also just see what they're saying. It's nice to see Rotten Tomatoes getting into the zeitgeist, you know, seeing articles.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, I'm starting to hear, like, on, like, commercials for movies and like on the radio. Rotten Tomatoes says or score is a blah blah. And Rotten Tomatoes, like, yeah, it's getting out there.

[Adam Carolla]

Getting out there. Good on you, Matt. We'll take a quick, quick break. Be right back after this. The following is fan made.

[Tyler Labine]

When Brian said he had news, I thought it was bad. But then he told his secret and.

[Adam Carolla]

It made me glad. While most were celebrating, he was home for.

[Tyler Labine]

They spent a long time waiting for this little one can't wait to.

[Adam Carolla]

Sing.

[Tyler Labine]

Little baldy baby Little baldy one.

[Adam Carolla]

A daughter or son.

[Tyler Labine]

The Kama Sutra don't have nothing on him those improv classes made the magic it begin.

[Adam Carolla]

Like fireworks in December A night they will.

[Tyler Labine]

Remember A countdown till September till the baby comes can't wait to see.

[Adam Carolla]

Little.

[Tyler Labine]

Baby baby little Bobby W. To thank.

[Adam Carolla]

Frit Savage for sending that in. He's just a fan and a nice something fun to play for the little Bambino one day.

[Gina Grad]

Baldy baby.

[Adam Carolla]

Tyler Levine is here. The Boss is the movie that's out. It's gonna be this Friday, right?

[Giovanni]

It's this Friday.

[Adam Carolla]

Been seeing. That's Melissa McCarthy who can just. Kristen Bell, Peter Dinklage, Cicely strong did Melissa McCarthy really brings. Man, she just delivers.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, she just. She can carry those movies. The movies are good, but she. She really carries those things. Yeah.

[Giovanni]

This is no exception. She is a force of nature. Like, I almost feel like tired of saying the same thing about her and Ben and her husband. Like, they're just literally some of the funniest people I've ever met in my life. And they're all from that Groundlings kind of alum with like Kristen Wiig and all them. And they just like, that's what they do. They do that all day, every day. They're just all day, every day. They're just the funniest people on the planet.

[Adam Carolla]

The Hulu show is coming back. Season 3, available April 20 on Hulu. Deadbeat. You've seen. God, I must have seen 200 million spots. Outdoor advertising for Deadbeat. It was a couple of years back, but I'd never seen anything quite so prevalent. Hit harder. Yeah. Enjoy your Mangria, by the way. Thank you.

[Giovanni]

Thank you. It's hard not to. Very good.

[Tyler Labine]

I think you're on glass too, right?

[Giovanni]

Maybe glass. One and a half. Like, I was sort of finished.

[Adam Carolla]

A lot of ice. There's a lot.

[Giovanni]

Am I the only one drinking it?

[Tyler Labine]

It's for guests.

[Giovanni]

It's for guests only.

[Adam Carolla]

If I did it every day, you know, what do you do?

[Giovanni]

You'd have a good time here.

[Adam Carolla]

That's true.

[Giovanni]

Much better time.

[Adam Carolla]

So, Tyler, what. What part do you play?

[Giovanni]

I play Mike. I play the, believe it or not, the love interest for Kristen Bell. They gave me a very extensive makeover. They let me kiss her. That's it. I would like to say, among other things, but that was it, really.

[Gina Grad]

But she plays a blind person.

[Giovanni]

She plays a blind person.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

Blind person devoid of any human emotions as well. Yeah. She is a very lovely human being to be close to. If Dax is listening right now, he's probably going to punch me in the face next time. Very, very, very protective husband.

[Adam Carolla]

Dax Shepard.

[Giovanni]

Yeah. He's great, though. What a talented, funny guy. But no, the, the. I basically play like the love interest, sort of male lead of the movie. Dinklage is the bad guy. I'm the, I'm like the good guy who kind of sweeps Kristen off her feet. And I, I joined the big heist in the end of the movie.

[Adam Carolla]

And who's Kristen to Melissa McCarthy's character in this.

[Giovanni]

She's her initially, before Melissa has her big downfall for white collar crime. She is her assistant who basically runs the company, like holds the whole thing together. Underpaid, has a lot of qualms with. With Melissa's character Michelle, but sticks with her anyway. And then Melissa sort of tries Michelle, I should call her. She tries to bounce back and really sort of falls flat on her face and ends up living with Kristen Bell and her daughter. You know, classic movie sort of plot lines come into play and they, and they form a. Like a new company selling brownies is.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh God was. I said. She's sort of an Oprah mixed with Martha Stewart type character.

[Giovanni]

She's like a, she's more like a, like a, like a tycoon. Like a morally rudderless kind of Tony Robbins. She's like a wealth guru. Like a, like a self help wealth guru.

[Adam Carolla]

Guru.

[Giovanni]

But she's a. She's a. It's a clean joke. God, keep on reminding myself. She's a real piece of junk. That's what we'll call her. She's a junkie. She's not a junkie. She's a piece of junk.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Yeah. I think we can say twat.

[Giovanni]

She's a redeemable twat.

[Adam Carolla]

Good.

[Giovanni]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And so you. So we got Deadbeat, we got the Boss, which is coming out, I was told. Well, you're telling me. Telling us off the air about something else.

[Giovanni]

Yeah. Well, Deadbeat comes back 4:20 if anybody's paying attention. It's pretty subtle when I'm laying down Butler's birthday, Hitler's birthday. Thank you. We celebrate that heartily at my house.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm scared of him.

[Giovanni]

Big day for me. Scared of a lot of stuff. That one's coming out. And Cal Penn joined the show this year. So for any stoners who have a discerning taste in stoner comedies, we have added one of the biggest names in stoner comedy to our repertoire.

[Adam Carolla]

Not only that, one of the best sound names to get an engineering degree from. Where'd you go, Cal Penn?

[Gina Grad]

Oh, you are hired.

[Adam Carolla]

Structural engineering. Pretty much top of the top of the heap.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, but I don't even go any farther. That's pretty damn impressive.

[Adam Carolla]

Good school.

[Giovanni]

Good school.

[Adam Carolla]

Good guy.

[Giovanni]

Even better guy. I'd say maybe you can get some kind of degree from him himself. I don't know. He might be willing to hand those out, so. But yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And then there's a third project.

[Giovanni]

We went to wondercon last week on the tour. Well, I can't remember what day, but we announced that with Netflix and DreamWorks. I'm doing Voltron now. I don't know if you guys remember Voltron, the cartoon?

[Tyler Labine]

That's fantastic.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, I play hunk. I'm the pilot of the yellow lion. The left leg, if you will. The most important of the two legs.

[Adam Carolla]

What is Voltron?

[Gina Grad]

Come on, Adam.

[Giovanni]

I just knew you were gonna say. You're such a curmudgeon.

[Gina Grad]

He's asking for the audience.

[Adam Carolla]

For the audience. There's a lot of elderly and women. Yeah. Oh, oh, that's the new.

[Giovanni]

That is the new iteration of Voltron. I see. That's me front and center. Well, not center, front. Most prominent in the foreground. In the foreground.

[Allison Rosen]

Right.

[Giovanni]

Some may focus on the head, but not me.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, is that. Is that VO work then?

[Giovanni]

It's. Yeah, it's. Yeah, it's definitely not. That's not me.

[Adam Carolla]

You're not playing that cartoon.

[Giovanni]

No, I don't transform into a. Into a.

[Adam Carolla]

No. But I don't. I don't. You know, it's like, I don't know, like Transformers. There are plenty of roles for folks that are, you know, there's Shia LaBeouf's role, and then there's the guy who's doing the voice of Megatron or whatever.

[Giovanni]

And this is not motion capture or any of that too. It's a cartoon. It's a real sort of send up of the. Or callback of the original cartoon, the one that gained popularity in the 80s with kids like me. But they've tried to do it through the years. They've made new, like Voltron Force and Voltron Vehicle and all these sort. Sort of like, oh, I can't gonna watch how I say this. They did. They. They attempted to make them and they didn't quite land where they wanted them to. This is DreamWorks Animation, which is arguably the most.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Giovanni]

Well, among the top two studios in the world.

[Adam Carolla]

Cadillac.

[Giovanni]

Yeah. And. And Netflix, which is really doing some pretty cool stuff, I think, these days. And they brought it back. And it's like me and Reese Darby. I don't know if you guys know, from Planet the Concords, Stephen. Yeah. From Walking Dead. Jeremy Shada from Adventure Time. We've got a whole bunch of people that are not normally voiceover actors that are coming in to do this, and it's. Given it. It's like, lent itself well to the show. There's, like, a lot of humor.

[Adam Carolla]

So that's out when that is out.

[Giovanni]

June. June 10th, I think.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so we got the Boss, which is coming up in a few days. Gonna be out in theaters on Friday. And then we got June 10th for this, and then April 20th.

[Giovanni]

20Th.

[Adam Carolla]

That's Deadbeat coming out.

[Giovanni]

Season three for Deadbeat. And I've seen the Boss, and I was really worried about it. I didn't. You know, I was there. We shot a crazy, funny movie. But, you know, you shoot something and then you see something, and it's really good. It's really funny.

[Adam Carolla]

Really funny.

[Giovanni]

Yeah. It's like, it's. And Melissa, like you said, like, I don't. You can't even explain it. She just, like, is a bulldozer of comedy.

[Adam Carolla]

It's insane just watching her. Was it in this is 40? I'm trying to think. When she was in the. In the principal's office.

[Giovanni]

Yeah. And they just let her go.

[Adam Carolla]

And they just let her go.

[Giovanni]

She's talking about kicking him in the throat.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you. Oh, you gotta. Well, first off, underrated Judd Apatow. Movie people, I think, were a little hard on it for some reason. It's a good movie. And she has a scene in the principal's office where she just. She just goes off and you'll cut your fist. You just. You watch it. You'll enjoy it. That's all. That's all I'm saying. And Graham Parker's in it. It's the only movie of Graham Parker ever. And I love Graham Parker. Not an actor. All right, should we do a little news? Gina Grant.

[Tyler Labine]

Let's do it.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's do it. Give you the news with grad. News with Gina Grad. Showbiz Congress Tech news, sports news, world news. Give me news with Gina Grad Weird shit out of Florida Sex surveys. Obama meet News with Gina. Gina the news with Gina Grad. First year, first DraftKings, baby. Golf's first major coming up this week. You can play if you like. @draftkings.com youm pick six golfers before they tee off, stay under the salary cap and rack up the points for streaks, per hole performance, tournament finishes and more. Whatever you want to do, Outscore the competition and win. Try it out at Draft Kings. Look, don't have to be a golf master. Just have a little fun there. Draft kick. It's not fantasy as usual. It's DraftKings and whatever else. I wonder if they'll cover the Toyota Celebrity Grand Prix. Well, they certainly have the Indy car race on there. I'm sure. Anyway, DraftKings. Dawson. Fantasy Golf contests begin when tournaments tee off. And the next one starts Thursday morning. So hurry to DraftKings.com now. Choose your golfers and play for free with promo code Adam. Enter promo code Adam to play for free now. Only a DraftKings. That's DraftKings.com he sounds great, doesn't he?

[Giovanni]

That's amazing.

[Adam Carolla]

You should do the voice for the leg of a robot.

[Giovanni]

We're voice twins, I think.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Giovanni]

You're my voice twin. Which is rare. Rarer than hand twins, I think even.

[Adam Carolla]

That's fantastic. I don't know. Gay code. Again with the hand twins. I'm scared of the folks.

[Giovanni]

Don't worry, you're safe.

[Gina Grad]

You're frightened.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, I'm frightened. That's what I'm saying.

[Tyler Labine]

Well, the March madness continued on Monday night in the NCAA championship game as Villanova beat North Carolina 72 with a buzzer beating three pointer by Chris Jenkins. What made the play so incredible was that it came right after North Carolina's Marcus page hit a three pointer to tie the game seven at 74 with 4.7 seconds remaining. This is Villanova's second title, first came in 1985. And a little broadcast of the final call into Orion.

[Adam Carolla]

Archie Biancono. He'll come front court. Works for Jenkins. A three at the home court.

[Gina Grad]

Did you see this?

[Adam Carolla]

No, I did not.

[Gina Grad]

I mean, as disinterest as I can be in a game between North Carolina and Berlin.

[Giovanni]

Skin of the game.

[Gina Grad]

Spectacular finish.

[Adam Carolla]

What?

[Gina Grad]

Buz are beating three pointer here. And then they somehow they timed it perfectly. And all the streamers came down at the right like they were like, well, we're not going to bother reviewing this. All the streamers came down with a picture made for TV moment.

[Adam Carolla]

Who was favorite in that game?

[Tyler Labine]

North Carolina. Right?

[Gina Grad]

NC was.

[Tyler Labine]

Yeah. Twitter blew up after this.

[Adam Carolla]

By more than seven points or. No, I think it was three, four points. I think it was in the two and a half to three and a half. So they're not big crazy.

[Gina Grad]

Villanova was a 2.

[Adam Carolla]

Can't even. How can it. I mean, I don't want to sound too ignorant here, but if it's a two point. If you're a two point favorite and you end up winning 72 to 70, that's a pretty damn close game. That's a. You're not really big favorite, are, are you?

[Gina Grad]

I don't think. I don't think the story of the game was the upset. It was the way it ended. It was a spectacular buzzer beater.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

And before, like a Gina said before, the guy from North Carolina had a off balance spectacular double pump three pointer.

[Tyler Labine]

That was going to be the end.

[Gina Grad]

Four seconds left.

[Matt Atchity]

Like, wow.

[Gina Grad]

That's the shot of the tournament.

[Giovanni]

Field hockey we're talking about exactly what it is. I only know lacrosse, hockey and field hockey, which is a variation of the ice hockey.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Tyler Labine]

Well, meanwhile, we have some March Madness bracket news because, you know, we had a pool going here at the office and I think commissioner Nick has the results on that.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. Nick's getting everyone going using my. My crystal goblet as the holder of the money in the name.

[Tyler Labine]

Yeah, that was the Corolla Digital March Madness Kitty.

[Adam Carolla]

I even threw some fake. Some prop money in there to encourage people. Yeah. This is the. The trophy I got for winning the Toyota Grand Prix, I think. Was it a pro or celebrity? Surprised me anyway.

[Gina Grad]

Probably both.

[Adam Carolla]

Probably both. Anyway. Well, he only used one, but who won around here?

[Pauly Shore]

In second place we had Gina grad, who took a lot of goading to play.

[Adam Carolla]

And in first place, the new groom, Matt Fondelier. People least knowledgeable.

[Gina Grad]

It's always the secretary who wins.

[Tyler Labine]

There is a reply all email from me saying, no, thanks, I don't know how to play. I don't want to ruin this for everyone. Then Nick emailed me back. He goes, come on, if you win, it'll be that much funnier. And I was in.

[Gina Grad]

There you go.

[Adam Carolla]

How much should I win?

[Giovanni]

You didn't win, right?

[Tyler Labine]

No, I won second.

[Giovanni]

You didn't win first.

[Tyler Labine]

Loser.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we had. You won 30. It was $10.

[Pauly Shore]

We had a small pool, but.

[Adam Carolla]

And Matt took down the big pot with 50.

[Pauly Shore]

So nice.

[Adam Carolla]

I. I had the same thing every year with the super bowl when they go around and pick a square. And I was at Kimmel's house, and I would never bring any money to Kimmel's house. Because first off, what good could come of having money? Only bad. A cockfight could break out and I could be tossing. I could be making it rain 20s, you know, like, who knows? I do have this sort of like upside down side sort of thing. Like, I'm gonna go in his house, I'm gonna drink as much of his beer and eat as much of his food and watch his. As much of his TV as I possibly can. What would having money on your money.

[Giovanni]

You could upset that balance.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Something happened I could run into someone from high school who I owed money. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. So I never. And I'm watching the Super Bowl. What good could come of this?

[Giovanni]

Someone could say, oh, we ran out of pizza and wings, and who has money?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, right. Who's going on running? Who's buying? Who's flying? Neither. I have no money. And the other thing, too, is I'm going to get drunk and probably walk home and I could get rolled. You know what I mean?

[Giovanni]

You absolutely will get rolled.

[Adam Carolla]

But the joke will be on the gang bangers who roll me, because I'll have nothing on me. So. But the boxes come around, and it's when he lived by me, the hill, Pretty rough neighborhood. So they. They came by, he comes by and he says, you know, pick a square, cousin Sal. I go, I. I don't have any money. And of course, Jimmy throws down, like, 40 bucks and goes down to pick a square. And I won, like, $1,400. What? Yeah. And now etiquette. I definitely paid him back his 40.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, of course.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Tyler Labine]

You didn't give him a little interest after that?

[Adam Carolla]

I may have tucked like, another 20, like, into his bra. He was heavier back. And just as a sort of.

[Giovanni]

So the etiquette being that he gave you the 40 to win the 1400 with. Why would you ever give him more than that? That's like when someone buys you a scratch ticket and they're like, hey, if you win, I get half.

[Tyler Labine]

But I feel like in Vegas, you.

[Adam Carolla]

Got to throw them something it's good for.

[Gina Grad]

But you're under no obligation.

[Giovanni]

The ground level investment is returned, I think.

[Adam Carolla]

And then, I don't know.

[Giovanni]

That's just me.

[Tyler Labine]

I don't know if it was you or Gary or someone, but in Vegas, it's like, I'll spot you, but if you win, give me half. And I think that's okay.

[Adam Carolla]

I offered to do that with Gina. I was like, I'll pay your entry for you.

[Pauly Shore]

We'll just split it.

[Adam Carolla]

Just.

[Tyler Labine]

Oh, I only want 15 bucks.

[Adam Carolla]

Quick note about Matt's performance, though.

[Pauly Shore]

Even though it was a small thing.

[Adam Carolla]

And you didn't have to do that well to win our pool.

[Brian Bishop]

He picked North Carolina as the champion.

[Adam Carolla]

And had seven out of eight elite eight teams, which is.

[Pauly Shore]

I've. I've been doing this since I was.

[Adam Carolla]

10, and I've never got more than six, so. Well done, Matt. Yeah. Way to be super lucky.

[Giovanni]

This is all good to me.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Giovanni]

I have no idea.

[Tyler Labine]

Well, United Airlines is trying to figure out why one of its flight attendants intentionally opened a plane door and deployed the emergency slide at Houston's Bush Intercontinental Airport. You can watch a little video as I tell you this. The incident happened around noon on Monday after the flight arrived in Sacramento. Once the plane pulled up to the gate, the flight attendant opened the door, tossed out her bag, and slid down the slide.

[Giovanni]

Had to pee.

[Tyler Labine]

A surveillance camera caught the whole bizarre scene, which most passengers on the plane were unaware of because there was an unrelated medical issue that people were paying attention to at the time. Once she got down the slide, she's seen picking up her bag and just walking away. United Airlines officials and investigators have not yet revealed what led the flight attendant to escape the plane. Since then, she's been removed from her job. I assume this was her big quitting F you.

[Gina Grad]

Well, interesting.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, people. A couple things. Were this many people going nuts 50 years ago, but we weren't around to film everything.

[Gina Grad]

Social media didn't know about it. No way to know.

[Adam Carolla]

Or are we going nuts sort of at a much higher rate because we're doing a bunch of things that we're not meant to do. Like we're reading way too many comments about ourselves on a computer.

[Giovanni]

Computer every night, and too many selfies in general.

[Adam Carolla]

Not only is there a show called the Walking Dead, but there's a show about the show that takes place after the show. And there's 20 shows that have shows after shows. 20 shows that are about. It's gonna be weird. Like, he's gonna be talking to his grandkids one day and he's gonna. You remember Walking Dead? Oh, yeah, yeah. No, I was. You weren't there on that show? Well, no, I wasn't on the show.

[Gina Grad]

Well, but you mentioned the Walking Dead. Yeah, that was me with the Walking Dead fans. Know you?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm the guy.

[Gina Grad]

The fans of the show.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure. Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

So you must have you on the show.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. The Walking Dead.

[Adam Carolla]

No, not the show.

[Gina Grad]

But everyone would know you from the show.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Walking Dead.

[Gina Grad]

Thanks, Grandpa. Going crazy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's huge, man. Every year was huge. Yeah, it's like there's too much. There's too many prescription meds.

[Giovanni]

I think it's. I think it's a combo of both. I think people have been nuts for. Since the dawn of man, but I think now there. There is just so much more documented proof that we're nuts. Ye are almost encouraged and invited to behave more nuttily because you see it. And it's almost a form of celebrity now, like we're in here talking about a woman who did something insane that someone caught on surveillance.

[Tyler Labine]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

Now somebody else is gonna be inspired.

[Tyler Labine]

And the knee jerk reaction when you see somebody fighting or see something, you know, maybe a medical emergency used to be to go get involved. Now it's just to whip your phone out.

[Giovanni]

And whip your phone out.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, this is gonna have to go in front of the faa, Right. And if I was the pilot, I would caution him and I would not have him start his testimony by saying, I opened the cockpit door and yes, I farted. But. But hear me out, hear me out. I've done that many times before, as many pilots have. It oftentimes happens after you stand up and eating airline flight. It was a six hour flight after all. And I gotta believe, Believe that had. No. First off, even if I had. Well, did I say I farted? What I meant to say is, even if I had farted, if I had farted, even if I had farted, this is way beyond the pale of professional conduct. Okay. And yes, I had farted in front of Nancy before, and yes, it turned out to be silent but deadly. And yes, she had a pretty strong reaction to it. But in no way does that justify yes. Yeah.

[Giovanni]

It's funny because as soon as I saw that video, I immediately thought you said there was a medical condition or something going on. I thought, she's squeamish. Something made her. If you guys ever had that instinct where you just got to get out of there, there's just like. It's just something you can't face, you can't handle.

[Tyler Labine]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Usually there's nothing giving at the Corolla's house, but.

[Giovanni]

Do you have an inflatable?

[Adam Carolla]

I just do a shoulder roll.

[Tyler Labine]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Go right through the door. Right through the plate glass. Yeah, but you would deploy the.

[Giovanni]

I would deploy slide if you had one that.

[Adam Carolla]

I've said it a million times. You know, it's like cops pepper spray everyone and they shoot everyone. Because if you walked around with a taser on one side of your belt, a pistol on the other side, and pepper spray on the back, you'd be pepper spraying everybody. Pigeons. I'd just be running around like spraying it into the air. Yeah, yeah. You. Jimmy's cousin Sal got one of those tasers and we, within 45 minutes, tased everyone at the man show like it's. It's impossible.

[Giovanni]

I had a friend in high school got a Taser and we routinely would tase everyone.

[Adam Carolla]

How long could you work? Your workplace has a Giant inflatable slide.

[Giovanni]

Is that a taser you just pulled out of that?

[Adam Carolla]

Gina just pulled the taser.

[Giovanni]

Knuckle Taser.

[Tyler Labine]

Yeah. I carry it wherever I go.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a taze.

[Giovanni]

Knuckles. Wow. Yeah, I do click it a lot. My reaction to that is I want to know what that feels like. I want you to meet me in a parking lot.

[Gina Grad]

We can have some good points. Pod right here, folks.

[Adam Carolla]

The airplane. What I'm saying is the airplane is her workplace. Yeah. That's her place of employment. If your place of employment had a giant inflatable slide, how long until. If I just set the side door over there, the warehouse, you just pop it open and a giant slide and you get to. But you're encouraged to jump. They don't even cautiously slide down. You throw your ass in the air and bounce.

[Gina Grad]

That's how it's used.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Giovanni]

It would never get deflated and rolled back up. I think it would just probably stay out all the time.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm just saying, you know, let's not judge so partially. That is her workspace. You would do the same thing. Mm.

[Tyler Labine]

Well, New York City officials are updating harassment rules to spell out exactly what taxi and hire car drivers cannot do, like make sexual suggestions, touch, be touched by or ejaculate on passengers. According to Newser and the Independent, the goal is to clarify fairly broad rules so drivers and passengers know the do's and don'ts.

[Adam Carolla]

I thought this whole loop sight things were for the driver safety. I didn't know. I didn't know that was for the passenger safety. I never thought about that.

[Giovanni]

It was never firmly just in black and white writing said, you can't ejaculate on your passengers.

[Tyler Labine]

They had to spell it out.

[Giovanni]

Except for interpretation.

[Tyler Labine]

There were enough incidents that they finally had to say something.

[Giovanni]

Look, it's on us. We never clarified.

[Gina Grad]

Well, this is preventing. I assume it's preventing prostitution.

[Tyler Labine]

Oh, maybe. So it sounds like. Well, they currently forbid all, quote, threats, harassment and abuse and can punish drivers with a $350 to 1,000 doll and a 30 day suspension. New rules would include a $2,000 fine and permanently revoked license for any touching of the sexual or intimate parts of a person, either by the driver or passenger. Because it says you might be right about that.

[Gina Grad]

Says you can't touch or be touched by. Be touched by means you're picking up a hooker or something.

[Adam Carolla]

Good call.

[Gina Grad]

That's what it means to me, because that takes a lot of balls for your affair. Hey, how's your night going, by the way?

[Adam Carolla]

If you think about it. Yeah. Speaking of the tip, how about just most the cab drivers must be pretty well ensconced in the Street Walker community. Sure, right, of course. And you're very cab driver.

[Gina Grad]

You know where it goes on.

[Adam Carolla]

You know where everything's going on. You're. You're walking around the lot of twenties in your dungarees all the time and you know, just sort of ethically and morally, literally, you're just below publicist on this sort of bankrupt moral scale. You know what I mean? Like cab drivers part of your job. I think that's what I'm saying. I think cab drivers have to be on, let's say on average, some of the worst human beings on the planet even.

[Gina Grad]

Yes. And imagine the people they're picking up late at night.

[Adam Carolla]

Who?

[Gina Grad]

The drunk guy with the gun. Hey, take me to the nearest street corner. They're taking their customers. They want to go.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Giovanni]

If you're not taking an Uber, you're a real. Yeah, you're a real. You're a real class act.

[Gina Grad]

I real no good, Nick.

[Giovanni]

You're a real junkie. No good. No, you're a ne'er do.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I. I just feel like that's it. Driving a cab is the last stop for. For adult males who need to be employed. Right? It's not. I'm trying to think. I always say, like, because I, you know, with my construction background, everyone's devastated by their house and the attitude and everything Joe Coy was in here talking about. I'm like, you don't get it. These are people that just sort of fall into life's gutter and end up on your job site. You know what I mean? They didn't graduate top of the class from Stanford. They fired the work cab driver is basically, at some point when you land on a construction site, at some point you learn a skill. At least it's something. You learn something. This is skillless in the sense that our grandparents drive, you know, I mean, like everybody drives and drive about as well as a lot of these cab guys. They're really in the adult male department. I'm not talking about, you know, the one from Pulp Fiction, the young hot one who picked up Bruce Willis after he killed the guy in the ring and jumped into the dumpster.

[Giovanni]

I'm talking about the average Esmeralda.

[Adam Carolla]

Esmeralda?

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, your Villalobos.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, your average 55 year old dude.

[Gina Grad]

I gotcha.

[Adam Carolla]

Is there a less older and less skilled job? All right, what's next?

[Tyler Labine]

Well, Chelsea Handler is making her disgust For Donald Trump, widely known using. Using the best, best method she knows how. Get naked.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Tyler Labine]

The often topless comedian shared a photo of herself on Instagram taken from behind wearing a thong with the words Trump is a butthole written on her backside. A day earlier, she shared a photo of herself in Mexico carrying a Donald Trump pinata and added the caption. Just walking through the streets of Mexico looking for a good tree.

[Giovanni]

She should have taken it, though. Just the obvious one step further and made the O in hole. Oh, yeah, her butthole.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

Opportunity statement. You make it. You make it with the brown eye.

[Adam Carolla]

I'd have a lot more respect for the woman. She's slipping if she died, if she done it. How's her show doing? It is her show. No idea.

[Giovanni]

The Handler does the one, the new documentary series on Netflix.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Well, then she had a late night or a night. Daily or night.

[Tyler Labine]

Lately.

[Adam Carolla]

She's got another. She got another thing coming in Netflix that's like that, though. She started with these four documentaries, and then she's developing some kind of variety type. But didn't she leave?

[Giovanni]

She did.

[Adam Carolla]

To go do a daily show somewhere? Yes, but she said she wanted to take, like a year and a half off. And during that time, she was gonna produce these documentaries which came out on Netflix six to eight weeks ago, maybe a little longer. And then supposedly now she's planning for her Netflix. It's unclear if it's gonna be daily or a couple times a week, but.

[Matt Atchity]

It'S gonna be similar to her.

[Giovanni]

My. My kid. We got bamboozled into my. Into my daughter being on one of those episodes of Chelsea Does. Do you guys see any of them?

[Tyler Labine]

No, we.

[Giovanni]

We know a few people who know Chelsea, and there was a producer friend of a. Like, one of my daughter's friends at school. Her dad produces the show, and he was like, it'll be great. You know, she's gonna come to the classroom and talk to the kids. And I was like, no, no, I don't want Chelsea Handler talking to my kid. And no, I just, you know, I think she's a fairly. You know, she does stuff like that crude humor, which is funny for me, but not for my four years. But they're like, no, it's a Netflix docu series, and it's very serious, and it's going to be very, very different for her. And she really wants to help educate people about how to raise their children and their relationships with children and whatnot. So we were like, okay, yeah, that sounds pretty good. So we brought her to this school, this area. And the parents were ushered out and we were corralled into a back area and they put our kids inside and we weren't allowed to see them. We weren't allowed to watch what they were doing. And we were like, no, that's it. Pulling out. And like, no, Chelsea's already here. We'll set up a little monitor for you. And all the parents are like, well, when do we meet Chelsea? And they're like, no, she's gonna come in through a different door and she's gonna leave because she doesn't like dealing with the parents, which, to her credit, I can't blame her. But I'm also kinda like, I should never have left myself open in that position.

[Adam Carolla]

What grade are we in?

[Giovanni]

My daughter's four. This is pre kindergarten.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my God.

[Tyler Labine]

Do you know what happened?

[Giovanni]

Yeah, I mean, I saw the show. I saw it later, I year later, and yeah, she like terrified my daughter. She's like a real life Disney villainess.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, tell me.

[Giovanni]

She's like, Ursula come to life.

[Gina Grad]

You're saying a producer lied to get what they wanted? Come on, come on.

[Giovanni]

That never happens.

[Adam Carolla]

And so she sort of like roasted the four year old.

[Giovanni]

She like kind of ridiculed my daughter on the show. And then I got a lot of feedback from people who were like, isn't that your daughter on the show? And. And my poor kid, she's like, she keeps raising her hand after she answered two questions, and Chelsea like promptly like roasted her, as you put it. Then my kid can't help it, she keeps putting up her hand. Chelsea's like, oh, you. What do you want to ask me? And she was like, nothing. I just. My hair was itchy or she's like, no, sorry, my. My armpit was itchy. Because she's terrified to answer the question from Chelsea.

[Adam Carolla]

Now. Did you get crap for, like, why did you let your daughter.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, totally. But honestly, it was. It had very little to do with me. It was mostly my wife, but my. Yeah, people saw it and they were kind of like, why would you subject your daughter to Chelsea Handler?

[Adam Carolla]

That's weird. It wasn't normal.

[Pauly Shore]

It was just.

[Giovanni]

It was a little. It was like, for us, it was like, oh, it's just like watching your kids sort of get, you know, publicly made fun of on. On cable tv. And I was like, oh, I would never, never do that again.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, seeing as how I don't have any footage of me from zero to, I don't know, 31, let's say those.

[Giovanni]

Are pretty Formative years, man, they are like Jesus.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I see the commercials that they run out here. Like they say, first 31 years, your brain does almost all it's developing. And those are the most important years.

[Gina Grad]

When you need to be talked to.

[Adam Carolla]

Talk to your husband. Yeah, but I would dig even if it was, let's say, Dick Godier making fun of a young four year old Adam Carolla. Or Right. Trying to think of a comedian, an older comedian.

[Tyler Labine]

Shucky Green Funt.

[Adam Carolla]

Alan Funt. Well done. Thank you. There's a, there's a punster, there's a guy who's a prankster. All right, make me. Oh, wait a minute. Oh my God. What the show is that Alan Funted? No, it's a hidden video camera.

[Giovanni]

Camera surprise. You can camera.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I would like to see that now as a four year, you know, now, now as an old man see a four year old version of me, maybe that some good will come of this.

[Giovanni]

But do you think Aaron Funt was ever just mean to 4 year old Adam Carolla?

[Adam Carolla]

It's a good point.

[Giovanni]

He just like tried to scar you on tv.

[Adam Carolla]

No, he didn't. And also I remember later on his son just took over the gig for him and looked exactly, had like the same male pattern baldness as Alan Hunt did from back then. Yeah, that's true. But I'm trying to take a hat. I'm trying to, I'm trying to spin this.

[Giovanni]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And maybe, maybe it'll be the kind of thing that your daughter will have a laugh about with her friends when she's like in high school.

[Allison Rosen]

She probably will, honestly.

[Giovanni]

And it wasn't like she tore my kid apart. It was just, it was a little, it was just a little terrifying.

[Adam Carolla]

Do we have a little sample of it? Wait, Gary. I'll tease it. I'll tease it. Sure.

[Giovanni]

Basically my daughter's.

[Adam Carolla]

Does this look right?

[Giovanni]

Yeah, this looks right. That, that is where we were corralled. Right there to the left.

[Adam Carolla]

Life. Lifelock, baby. All identity thieves, they. All they need is your Social Security number, date of birth, and they'll file a fake tax return. Oh, wish they'd do that for me. They'd owe the government a ton of money. Get back at those, those identity thieves, Lifelocks, they, they protect you. Tax information, man, you can't let them drain your bank account. It's out there. People filing online left and right now. It's nice you get to do all your filing online. You can shop online, do whatever. I got my bathrobe online. My luxurious Bathrobe online. But it means your information is out there. And the deal is you need to protect that information. And for that, use LifeLock. It starts at 999amonth, and it's the cost of doing business. 2000 2016. It's LifeLock, baby. LifeLock Dawson. Visit LifeLock.com now and use promo code Adam. That's Adam. To save 10% on your membership. All right, let's just give it a listen and see what we see. And. And Tyler, scream out when we see your daughter.

[Giovanni]

Oh, I will. I'll scream.

[Tyler Labine]

Can anybody tell me here what marriage is?

[Adam Carolla]

Marriage is when you love.

[Tyler Labine]

Right, Right.

[Adam Carolla]

And then you become what, her there.

[Giovanni]

Leaning on her elbows.

[Adam Carolla]

Family.

[Tyler Labine]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you want to get married when you get older? Yeah.

[Tyler Labine]

You do?

[Adam Carolla]

I do. You're already engaged? Yeah. Who is the lucky man? My cousin who lives in Vancouver. Wait, is that right? It's your cousin? Right. Oh, she's such a sweetheart. You're going to find out later that it's not that easy to marry your cousin. And even if he is Canadian, things like that don't happen in the United States. So that's something you're gonna want to bring up to your parents as soon as you get home today. Okay?

[Tyler Labine]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

What about you? Yeah, see, she kind of.

[Giovanni]

She kind of tears her a new asshole.

[Adam Carolla]

Too much work to do.

[Tyler Labine]

I'm glad you brought that up because I'm not married.

[Brian Bishop]

And how old do you all think that I am?

[Adam Carolla]

20.

[Tyler Labine]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

Anyone else? Do you know what Tinder is?

[Tyler Labine]

Do you know any older male friends that you have that you could set me up with?

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Tyler Labine]

What about Batman?

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, you know Batman?

[Giovanni]

Like, my daughter's still thinking about what just happened to her.

[Adam Carolla]

It's so hard dating at my age.

[Giovanni]

I mean, you see what I mean? It's like, yeah, okay.

[Tyler Labine]

Kind of shaming, but it's a little bit like.

[Giovanni]

That's kind of like a very underhanded thing to do to a room full of children. Like sort of make fun of them over their heads.

[Adam Carolla]

I did a bit called Black Belt Adam a million years ago where I had to get a bunch of six, seven year old. It was precursor to the Foot Fist Way Danny McBride was. Danny McBride did a 86 minute version of this three minute man show bit.

[Giovanni]

I think him and Jody Hill.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, a million years ago. Oh, yeah.

[Giovanni]

Jody Hill directed it.

[Gina Grad]

But Jonah Hill was there when you and I went to see it. That's a funny coincidence.

[Adam Carolla]

We went and saw Jonah Hill and. Yeah, yeah. So I had to do it in front of a bunch of kids and I had to be really dirty in front of a bunch of kids.

[Giovanni]

Feels weird, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, no, you can shoot it in a way where they're not in the room when you do it. Like, you can do a cutaway and you can do a thing where you're sort of to your back and do a. Do a thing like that. You can actually. There's a way to fake it. In other words, you should say those.

[Tyler Labine]

Things directly to your dog.

[Giovanni]

As you can see, she. I. I am being a very protective father about that. It wasn't like she, you know, like, cornered her and stuck her, you know, finger in her face and shamed her. But there's an element of just, like, fear in my daughter's face and it goes on from there. And it just sort of, you know, like a bad parent, honestly.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, blame it on your wife and then use it as a. Use it against her later.

[Giovanni]

Number.

[Adam Carolla]

Number one and then number two, too. I think it's just the part where you feel like you were bamboozled a little bit.

[Giovanni]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, now I want to see me with that tangent random fun fact.

[Gina Grad]

I thought I recognized that preschool that shares a right next door to Christie's dad's power tool shop right there in Sepulveda. They share a parking lot. There's a power tool shop right next door.

[Giovanni]

It might be. All I remember is that the whole place smelled like McDonald's french fries. There was a McDonald's right across the street and I wanted a filet of fish really bad.

[Adam Carolla]

I bought a palm nailer from.

[Gina Grad]

This is weird coincidence.

[Adam Carolla]

Dad's his wife's dad's power tool shop in, like, 1989. I bought a special tool from that, a palm nailer. Here it is.

[Giovanni]

It's like something for a crucifixion.

[Adam Carolla]

My name, sensei. Adam. I am going to teach you the art of karate. Rear front kick. Left, right Cabbage Patch. Evil Death Claw. Let me give you a real world scenario. Let's say you're in the milk line at school and bully comes up behind you once your change. Let's say you're at the beach with your best girl and guy comes up and kicks sand in your face. Let's say you're at a bar tilting a couple of cold ones after work with your buddy, and some drunken townie thinks you've been making eyes at his. You're at a fight and a couple of the Tijuana locals think you've been winning just a little Too much. Let's say you're on the street and a bad guy pulls a knife on you, but he. But he. But he holds it more forward, right? And now he does that thing where. Where he taunts you, but throwing it back and forth from one hand to the other, but they're a little smaller. A little smaller, but faster. Huzzah. Ow. Just let him kick me in the nuts. You're in a strip club, and one of the Betties just told the bouncer you gave her the magic thumb. Confused?

[Gina Grad]

Innocent little boy.

[Giovanni]

This one, you just bristly your nose up.

[Adam Carolla]

I sniffed it. Yeah. You guys got two choices. Sweat on the mat or bleed on the street. Go. Hey, sweet, sweet. You're a Nam on a recon mission up the Mekong Delta. Next thing you know, you step on a little present from Charlie. It's a Bouncing Betty. You got a heartbeat to react, or you're gonna be wearing your sack like so much aftershave. See you in hell. You thought you were gonna make some extra scratch doing gay porn. Turns out you just got the lead in a snuff film. Now you got a ball gag in your mouth, and you're in a basement somewhere in Pomona. What do you do? What's up, hussle Glass?

[Gina Grad]

Dismissed.

[Matt Atchity]

What's the Internet thinking about?

[Giovanni]

A whole nother level that they say it's called.

[Adam Carolla]

Adam Teaches karate. Okay. Black Belt Adam was a series that.

[Giovanni]

You did, I think, around here.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay. Oh, yeah. Well, that. So now I was saying horrible things, but we're just showing my feet and showing the kids cutaway.

[Giovanni]

But also, even the joke that you are including them in, you're including them in the joke. They're, like, in it. They're having fun with you. You're playing a character. You're not making fun of a kid. You're not taking your own insecurities and, like, unloading them on these children, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Let them kick me in the nuts.

[Giovanni]

Well, that might that be something deeper.

[Tyler Labine]

Personal preference.

[Adam Carolla]

I think the place was like a dojo and Reseda. And all I remember is when I was driving home, I was hoarse. Oh, yeah, A little too much of that. Went a little heavy with the key eyes. But it was a fun. It was a fun bit to do. And it was one of those things where I had to get the parents to drop off their six and seven year olds, but I had to tell them.

[Giovanni]

Did you talk to them? Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I said, a little bit. Here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna film you know, my feet walking back and forth. We're gonna get some cutaway reactions. We'll go to my back. We'll do the clean stuff with them in the front, and we'll turn it around and you'll never. It's pretty. You can't turn hell.

[Giovanni]

So you were able to extend that courtesy because you weren't bamboozling those parents. Chelsea had to sneak in and sneak out like a ninja because she knew that she was going to offend us. So it, you know, it was a. It was a trick.

[Adam Carolla]

Speaking of ninja, that'd be a good bit. Adam. Adam goes ninja for your kids. All right, let's bring it home.

[Tyler Labine]

You got it. I'm Gina Grad, and that's the news.

[Pauly Shore]

Gina.

[Adam Carolla]

Gina. That was the news with Gina Grad. Safe. That's what always drives me nuts when we do the There's a man shows. Like. Oh, yeah, with the trampolines and the beer. That's all the time I go, no, we used to do funny bits that had nothing really to do with boobies or trampolines or beer or anything. They're just funny. Just funny little vignette bits that were just standalone. Didn't have anything to do with making fun of women or anything like that.

[Gina Grad]

Hey, man, we're the Juggies.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Simply safe. All right, so we got a crazy morning. Oh. Oh, man. I had the boys at my house at 7:10 in the a.m. we're driving to Long Beach. Philly Cheesesteak was up going nuts. Lynette was up watching a documentary on narco trafficking.

[Tyler Labine]

Nice.

[Adam Carolla]

In Mexico, because that's just how you want to start your day that way.

[Tyler Labine]

Little cocaine cowboys.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. All right. Us, Vancouver. Man, that thing's going to sell out Seattle. Couple tickets. Joel McHale up there with us. Portland, Irvine, Pasadena. Live shows everywhere. Check out Take a knee and check out Amazon. We need new Lord of the Jungle Mangria moment, all that kind of stuff. Oh, there's some Mangria signings have been added for Portland and Seattle. So we'll. We'll keep you abreast of all that Total wines. That's in Seattle. Outside of Seattle. And then Portland's coming up. White Owl. Just go to AdamCarolla.com and you can figure out where it is. Tyler Levine, everybody. The boss is the name of the movie. And then there's the TV show Deadbeat Boss this Friday. And yes, Ryan, April 20th on Hulu comes Deadbeat, third season. Yes.

[Gina Grad]

Well, then I pre ordered tickets for the first night thinking, just in case it might be about Bruce Springsteen. Justin Ken, on the off chance.

[Adam Carolla]

No, it's not expensive enough.

[Gina Grad]

That's true. It's in town.

[Adam Carolla]

So till next time. Thank you, Tyler. Till next, Adam crawler for Tyler and Gina and Bald saying Mahalo. Well, first off, for the record, I am homophobic.

[Giovanni]

All right, this Adam CR show, 1794, that is for today's Pearl classics. Until next weekend, Mahal and Get It Off.