Ben Folds + Asa Akira (Carolla Classics)

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Adam Carolla Show – "Ben Folds + Asa Akira (Carolla Classics)" Release Date: February 21, 2025

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Introduction

In this episode of The Adam Carolla Show, hosted by Adam Carolla, listeners are treated to a classic segment from the archives titled "Ben Folds + Asa Akira (Carolla Classics)." Released on February 21, 2025, this episode delves deep into the unique experiences and perspectives of musician Ben Folds and adult film star Asa Akira. The conversation intertwines humor, candid discussions about the adult entertainment industry, insights into the music business, and personal anecdotes that provide a comprehensive look into the lives of these two distinct personalities.

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Segment 1: Adam Kroll Classics – The Hilarious Dream Scenario (Show 986)

Timestamp: 00:15 – 14:06

The episode kicks off with a clip from Adam Kroll Show 986 featuring Adam Carolla, Allison Rosen, and Brian Bishop from 2013. Adam shares a semi-homoerotic dream where he envisions a water displacement test to measure penises across American males. He humorously fantasizes about implementing a system where men wear windbreakers with numbers representing their measurements, sparking discussions about masculinity, competition, and societal implications.

Notable Quote:

• Adam Carolla (03:34): “Every male in America, there's about 160 million of us, but let's just say over 18, you know, so let's, I don't know, let's say 100 million American male males... we'd see how much water was displaced.”

The segment showcases Adam's signature humor while touching on themes of competition and societal expectations of masculinity. The discussion evolves into humorous debates about the practicality and social ramifications of such a measurement system, including its impact on relationships and social status.

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Segment 2: In-Depth Conversation with Ben Folds and Asa Akira (Show 1306)

Timestamp: 14:15 – 142:40

A. Introduction of Guests The episode transitions to Adam Kroll Show 1306 from 2014, featuring musician Ben Folds and adult film star Asa Akira. Adam introduces Asa as a striking presence, setting the stage for a candid conversation.

B. Ben Folds' Experience as a Dominatrix Ben Folds opens up about his year-long stint as a dominatrix. He describes his role in the adult entertainment industry, handling clients, and the dynamics of working in a dungeon environment.

Notable Quote:

• Ben Folds (16:27): “I did it for about a year. Maybe a little over a year.”

The discussion touches on the challenges Ben faced, including dealing with clients under the influence of drugs and the physical and emotional toll of the job. Ben reflects on the stereotypical notions of masculinity and how his role intersected with societal expectations.

C. Sexuality and Gender Roles The conversation delves into broader topics of sexuality, highlighting societal attitudes towards male sexuality, and the stigmas associated with certain sexual roles.

Notable Quote:

• Adam Carolla (08:17): “I think women would try to stay out of the, you know, the double digits, the teens, and, you know, especially the single digits.”

Asa Akira adds depth to the discussion by sharing her insights and experiences in the adult film industry, emphasizing the complexities of sexual expression and societal perceptions.

D. Insights into the Music Industry The dialogue shifts to the music business, where Ben and Asa share their perspectives on songwriting, creativity, and the challenges musicians face in the modern landscape.

Notable Quote:

• Ben Folds (55:22): “John Painter scored that.”

Asa discusses the intricacies of composing music, balancing artistic integrity with commercial demands, and the impact of technology and piracy on the industry.

E. The Reality of Touring and Performing Ben Folds recounts the physical demands and logistical challenges of touring, from managing schedules to maintaining performance quality despite exhaustion.

Notable Quote:

• Ben Folds (75:25): “We were working for like three or four years and yeah, I mean it gets, it gets really rough because you haven't had any time.”

Asa emphasizes the importance of live performances in sustaining a music career and the emotional connections forged with audiences.

F. Reflections on Creativity and Personal Growth The guests reflect on their personal journeys, the evolution of their careers, and the balance between personal satisfaction and professional success.

Notable Quote:

• Asa Akira (130:07): “I have to come around to this idea that there's something about that format that's going to illuminate my songs in a way that I don't feel is happening.”

This segment underscores the importance of authenticity in creative endeavors and the challenges of maintaining one's artistic vision amidst industry pressures.

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Segment 3: Navigating the Music and Entertainment Industries

Timestamp: 142:40 – End

The episode continues with rich discussions on the interplay between passion and commercialism in the music industry. Ben and Asa explore the impact of piracy, the role of record labels, and the evolving nature of music distribution.

Notable Quote:

• Asa Akira (111:08): “I think piracy was very exciting. I found the whole thing... more people were hearing music.”

Ben shares his thoughts on the necessity of coordination in making a hit song and the frustration when the industry leans towards commercially driven tracks at the expense of artistic quality.

G. The Role of Technology and Modern Challenges The conversation delves into how technology has reshaped the music landscape, from recording processes to live performances. Asa discusses the balance between leveraging technology for creative expression and maintaining authentic musical experiences.

Notable Quote:

• Adam Carolla (116:14): “We just don't know that you do it and you don't know.”

H. Personal Anecdotes and Humor Throughout the episode, Adam interjects with personal stories and humorous observations, enhancing the relatability of the conversation. From mishaps during performances to the absurdities of the entertainment business, the dialogue remains engaging and entertaining.

Notable Quote:

• Adam Carolla (144:03): “If you see Joe Jackson again, tell him Adam Carolla. And then say, he's doing anal in your movies, right?”

I. Concluding Thoughts As the episode draws to a close, the guests reflect on the importance of perseverance, passion, and staying true to one's creative instincts. They acknowledge the sacrifices and challenges inherent in their respective fields but emphasize the rewards of following their artistic paths.

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Conclusion

This episode of The Adam Carolla Show offers a fascinating glimpse into the lives of Ben Folds and Asa Akira, blending humor with profound discussions about sexuality, creativity, and the music industry's inner workings. Adam Carolla masterfully navigates the conversation, ensuring that listeners gain valuable insights while being thoroughly entertained. Whether you're a fan of Ben Folds' music or curious about the adult entertainment industry's dynamics, this episode provides a comprehensive and engaging narrative that resonates on multiple levels.

Key Takeaways:

• Authenticity and Creativity: Both guests highlight the importance of staying true to one's artistic vision amidst external pressures.
• Industry Challenges: Discussions reveal the multifaceted challenges faced by artists and performers, from dealing with societal stigmas to navigating the complexities of the music business.
• Personal Growth: The conversation underscores personal resilience and the continuous pursuit of passion as driving forces behind successful careers.

Final Notable Quote:

• Adam Carolla (136:43): “It's a great song, but unless someone's gonna get behind it and make it a hit, then it's probably not gonna be a hit.”

This episode serves as a testament to the intricate balance between artistry and commercial success, offering listeners both laughter and enlightenment.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

Foreign.

[Giovanni]

Welcome to Kroll Classics. I'm your host, super fan Giovanni. This is the podcast. We play the best moments, highlights and fans like the clips from all 16 years of the Adam Carolla Show. That's right, moving up a year, we've now completed 16 years. We're going 17 years with three years of a morning show preceding that. 2006, 2007, 2008. We count 2009 as the first year of the podcast. It's February, late February onward, but Adam Crollo's actually been doing this version of the show for 19 years and he's on his 20th year. We have a companion podcast titled Croll Classics. You can find the AD Free Archives exclusively available through Adam Corolla substack adamcorla.substack.com make sure to subscribe. Get access to AD Free Archives for this show, the Adam Corolla show and Adam's brand new podcast Beat it out, which is exclusively available at Adam Carolla substack currently featuring Adam and Jay Moore. If you'd like to request clip please email us classicsadamcurlo.com now let's get on to the clips coming up. First we have Adam Kurillo show 986 featuring Evan Sayet, Allison Rose and Brian Bishop from 2013.

[Adam Carolla]

Also, I had one of the craziest, funniest, weirdest, semi homoerotic dreams I've ever had. But it was one of these things where because of my situation, my hypervigilance disorder, I sometimes just sort of lay in bed in this weird state where I'm not really asleep but my eyes are closed, I'm relaxed, but I'm not really in rem and my mind's just sort of going and wandering and I'm coming up with things to amuse myself that I usually think are much funnier. And then when I wake up and I see what I've written down on my little stick it pad there, my post it pad is not as great. But this one, it's like drunken poetry. It's drunken poetry. But this one, it's. Well, I don't know if it's good, it's probably not pragmatic, but it would be fun. And here's what this one was Every male in America, there's about 160 million of us, but let's just say over 18, you know, so let's, I don't know, let's say 100 million American male males. I had devised a water displacement test using the man's phallus, meaning you Were going to lie down. I was working it out, and I realized what had happened is I'm getting ready to go to a race and I'm driving Paul newman's big, scary car. And so it's been kind of on my mind about prepping the car and getting it into the trailers and all that kind of stuff. And I spent the weekend cutting some aluminum and notching these trailers, ramps so that it would fit. So I kind of was up in my head about aluminum and space and templates and size and geometry and stuff like that. And I reckoned that if you took a quarter inch big plate of quarter inch thick aluminum and every guy laid on it and we put a hole in the center of it and you put your erect junk through it and we lowered it into a graduated cylinder, if we all did that, we'd see how much water was displaced. Now, obviously, the winner would be the one who displaced the most water. The loser would be his wife. But then here's where a way to look at it. Here's where it takes a turn for the. Like I said, the semi homoerotic and possibly macabre. Oh, here's the turn.

[Alison Rosen]

Yeah, you're lying in bed casually musing about penis.

[Adam Carolla]

I must have had a boner and bit on my belly or something. Then I decide. Then I decide everybody gets a windbreaker with a number on it.

[Alison Rosen]

Here's where it gets exciting.

[Adam Carolla]

And they must walk around with that windbreaker on. And the way it works is it's sort of like in a graduating class of 100 million. Where were you? You see what I'm saying now?

[Alison Rosen]

Would it be every. Like there's a number one through one hundred and something thousand. Or would it be how much you displaced? Would it be a cc?

[Adam Carolla]

It's how much it'd be the first time a black guy was valedictorian. Dictorian. But no, I'm saying, yeah, you'd have some guys probably in the couple of power forwards in the NBA who'd be walking around in the teens in the single digits. And then you'd have. But it'd be funny to have that guy go to the mall. Everyone just had to wear them and that was it. And like I said, the bottom of the thing would say 100 million or whatever the adult age males on this planet are. There'd be excuses. There'd be a lot of talking about bettering your number next year. There'd be discussions on patterns like immigration. If we can get enough. If we get enough Asians immigrating Into this country. We're throwing off the curve and things like that.

[Brian Bishop]

So you got a new windbreaker every year?

[Adam Carolla]

I'd like to, yes.

[Alison Rosen]

There'd also be discussion of the weather when this test was done and people being like, no, you don't understand that. If it's smart water, that's totally different. And we may be lying, but that's right.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

I live in Denver, and the atmosphere.

[Adam Carolla]

And the weather, plus between the calcium content and the fluoride and the municipal water, Denver, it's a totally. It's null and void.

[Alison Rosen]

It's the man trying to give us small Cox syndrome.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. So. So that was just my fantasy. The part where we all got windbreakers is the part that made it interesting. And it'd make for lively parties. Although I'm guessing the guys who are closer to the 100 million mark would probably be staying home. Be a lot of excuses, more weekends about you don't have to wash your car again. Yeah, it's raining outside now.

[Alison Rosen]

If you died, would they retire your windbreaker?

[Adam Carolla]

I'd say.

[Alison Rosen]

Or stop fucking. Would they retire?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, if you're the Celtics, you don't retire the six man's windbreaker, who only averaged four and a half points a game, you know, But Wilt Chamberlain, ironically, his, his, his windbreakers hanging in the rafters. You see what I'm saying? So I'm guessing if you were, like I said, somewhere in the teens and certainly, I mean, there'd be a whole club. There'd be an entire single digit club, There'd be a whole double digit club. Like there'd be golf courses opened up for them.

[Alison Rosen]

Nine or ten of each.

[Brian Bishop]

If it's every male, the top 1000 is impressive.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

If you're a four digit guy or a three digit guy. You know what I'm saying? That's big.

[Adam Carolla]

But if you think about it, you know, in a weird way. Well, not every male, but most young males at some point fantasize about winning the World Series or being the MVP of the super bowl or something. When you're nine years old, but yet there's only a couple Brett Favre's out there, you know, Dan Marino's. It'd be that kind of, that kind of elite group. Maybe more elite. And then it'd be fun. If Brett Favre was way down the list.

[Alison Rosen]

Yeah. Cause then if I. Yeah, the Schadenfreude would be the best.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Cause then the guy who was just working at a loading dock who's like number 17, would be looking at him at number, you know, 57 million. And be like, really?

[Alison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know how much that ring doing you for now, but that'd be.

[Brian Bishop]

A great way to get steroids out of sports, you know, withers the junk, you know what I'm saying? Get the steroids out of sports.

[Adam Carolla]

It would ruin the wrangler ads. That much I would argue. Because really, you need that extra room down there, do you? Number 61 million. You really do. You need that extra, extra room in the crotch for what?

[Brian Bishop]

A high price on those guys in the top 500.

[Alison Rosen]

What are you protecting? It'd be interesting to see how your life changed. Cause would it be like having a good credit rating score? Like, what would this number do for you in terms of not just social stuff, but jobs?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, what it would do for you is you'd be more popular with dudes, unfortunately, than with chicks. Cause chicks, they don't want anyone who's in the top million size wise. That's a deal and a vagine breaker.

[Brian Bishop]

Girls will be like, I've been with a guy in the top million. Let me tell you something, that is not worth it.

[Adam Carolla]

Not going back.

[Brian Bishop]

Not all's cracked up to me.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Mm. Fuck. My backup.

[Brian Bishop]

Somewhere in the ten weeks.

[Alison Rosen]

Would we.

[Adam Carolla]

I think women.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, you would, Alison.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. I think women.

[Alison Rosen]

Yes, we would.

[Adam Carolla]

I think women would try to stay out of the, you know, the double digits, the teens, and, you know, especially the single digits. Now there'd be some curiosity seekers out there, don't get me wrong. And it would open up a new realm. And again, the number one status, that's. It's the Stanley Cup. You get it for the year, but you may not have it the following year. Who knows, there could be some young upstart 17 year old that hit a growth spurt somehow an up and comer. An up and comer nipping at your heels with his giant cock, you know.

[Alison Rosen]

Slapping at your ankles.

[Adam Carolla]

You'd probably have to train, I don't know, eat a lot of fatty foods and think about Emmanuel versus Lady Chatterley in outer space. I'll do it, but I just mean certainly the guy with the number one. And he'd do a lot of interviews, you know, like athletes. Like, I know there's a target on my back. I know everyone's, you know, everyone likes to come in, come into town and knock off the sheriff, you know. You know, I know you go as.

[Brian Bishop]

Number one, you get the other guy's best. Every time.

[Adam Carolla]

Every time. That's right.

[Brian Bishop]

You go up against anyone. Number one.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, everyone circles me on their calendar. Yeah. Yeah. And then it'd be weird, but you have to thank God, so thank Jesus Christ for his blessing and your agent. Right. And I'm guessing there'd be, you know, there'd definitely be, you know, if Octomom can get a little doing. Writing a book. Yeah, Doing a little reporting, you know, for some bad cable outlet or something. There'd definitely be a reality show. Oh, this could be a hero.

[Alison Rosen]

There'd be a reality show about the people who test it.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Yeah, there'd be. This is huge. We should stop talking about. Because we're giving it away. We're sitting on a gold mine here, people. Now, I don't know if we could get everyone to wear the windbreaker, you.

[Alison Rosen]

Know, while we just make them.

[Adam Carolla]

But even if we got half the.

[Brian Bishop]

The top half.

[Alison Rosen]

But do you envision a certain color? Like, how detailed was the way you envisioned the windbreaker?

[Adam Carolla]

I had it as sort of an ATF sort of thing, in that it needed to read from as far away as possible. You know what I mean?

[Alison Rosen]

Of course.

[Adam Carolla]

And of course, the numbers would get smaller as they got bigger. The number one would be 24 inches tall and 9 inches wide, not unlike.

[Alison Rosen]

The penises of the corresponding people.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. But of course, when. Once you got. Of course, once you got into the. And then, you know, into the multiple digits, the numbers would get smaller, and then there'd just be this weird crossover because you figure the guy who was like number 13 might actually be 13 if you think about it.

[Brian Bishop]

What do you mean?

[Adam Carolla]

I gotta slow down on that one.

[Brian Bishop]

The guy who wears 13 might be 13.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Neither one.

[Alison Rosen]

Yeah. No. Well, you know, but in the shower. 11.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, 13.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I'm saying? There would be a point where. Now, obviously number one's not number one and number 27 is not number 27, but somewhere, I'd like to know where that. Where do you think that range would be? 12. 13. Right.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So 13 would be 13.

[Alison Rosen]

Well, then. So we're guessing that that means 1 through 12 have larger than 13.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what we're saying.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm betting on it.

[Alison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm putting my reputation on it. Wow.

[Alison Rosen]

Big words.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

We can call them the Fulcrum or the Tater Totter Balances.

[Adam Carolla]

That'd be a weird one. Like if somebody really just put a gun under your chin and went, is 1313 or is 1414 or is 1212? I mean, 16 isn't 16.

[Alison Rosen]

How big do they get? You know anyone?

[Adam Carolla]

The deal is, is that we just haven't really checked. It's the guys that are willing to do porn. And there's some pretty freakish dudes out there.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm thinking it's not 13 because Jonah Falcon is a famous, just normal guy who has a huge penis. And it's been documented and photographed and everything. And it's like.

[Adam Carolla]

I want to say who.

[Brian Bishop]

No, everyone knows Jonah falcon. It's like 13 inches long. 14 inches long.

[Alison Rosen]

The calmness with which you're carrying on about Jonah Falcon.

[Adam Carolla]

You guys know Jonah F. From a documentary. I hope Jordan Falcon is like a.

[Brian Bishop]

Guy who's been in Rolling Stone. They probably.

[Alison Rosen]

Sorry, Stan.

[Adam Carolla]

Correct.

[Brian Bishop]

He's been on either Colbert or Stewart. One of the guy.

[Alison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

He's like a normal dude. But I'm saying probably around 10. I'm thinking 10 is the fulcrum.

[Adam Carolla]

You're saying there's only nine guys on the planet that are above 10 inches?

[Alison Rosen]

Yeah, you got to.

[Adam Carolla]

Or in the U.S. in the U.S. in the US see now?

[Brian Bishop]

Africa, definitely.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. It's screwing with you. Yeah. I'm going back to 12 or 13. I'm 13. We'll ask Dr. Bruce. Bruce researches quite heavily. He'll tell us about. Anyway, that's what I dream about. In between the Paul Newman car stuff.

[Alison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I would argue that this is maybe the most masculine dream I've ever had. I don't. I don't certainly. All right, we'd all. It'd be fun, though. It'd be a fun year. Wouldn't it be a fun year?

[Brian Bishop]

You'd have to have special large graduated cylinders for the top 10 because they wouldn't fit into the normal cylinders.

[Alison Rosen]

They should get to keep it as a trophy or on their neck.

[Adam Carolla]

But displacement is displacement. I think you'd go up to the biggest size and we'd all use the same.

[Asa Akira]

It has to be.

[Adam Carolla]

There needs to be sanctioning bodies. You know what I mean? Whatever you're putting out, you're putting out.

[Alison Rosen]

Yeah. It's true.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so let's get working on that.

[Brian Bishop]

Let's get a picture of Jonah Falcon up there.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's get a picture of Jonah Falcon.

[Giovanni]

All right, that's Adam Kurilla, show 986. Coming up next, we have Adam Kurilla show 1306 featuring Azaakira, Allison Rosen, Brian Bishop 2014. Here Adam's mind being blown.

[Adam Carolla]

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[Ben Folds]

Fans like me and TV fans like me.

[Asa Akira]

They've got Something for everyone. And it's totally free.

[Ben Folds]

You can binge laugh out loud sitcoms.

[Asa Akira]

Like Frasier and rewatch cult classics like Higher Learning.

[Ben Folds]

Whether you're in the mood to solve a little crime before bedtime with NCIS.

[Adam Carolla]

Or Tracker, or curl up with a surefire hit like Forrest Gump, run for it.

[Ben Folds]

Pluto TV has thousands of movies and shows, all for free.

[Asa Akira]

Pluto TV Stream now pay Never.

[Adam Carolla]

Asakira in studio.

[Ben Folds]

Hello.

[Adam Carolla]

She's an adult film star. Very easy on the eyes.

[Ben Folds]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

Insatiable Porn. A love story. Available on Amazon. You know what to do. Help support the pirate ship. Go to amcroll.com and book market. Hit the Amazon. Buy all our books, including Asa Kerr's book and podcasts as well. Jesus Christ. Who doesn't have a podcast? I predict by the year 2019, there will be more people that have podcasts than people who don't actually have podcasts.

[Brian Bishop]

It might not take that long.

[Adam Carolla]

DVD Azza is what it's called anyway. I'm sorry. So you worked as a dominatrix for a while?

[Ben Folds]

I did. It was my first job. Out of where?

[Adam Carolla]

For me, it was carpet clean. Same gig. Where did you. Where'd you grow up?

[Ben Folds]

I grew up in New York City. So I was just like, walking down the street one day and a guy was like. And I was 19 at the time, and he was like, do you want to be in the adult entertainment industry? And I was like, yeah. And then I followed him up to his dungeon, which, I mean, now looking back, like, I'm like, what were you doing? It worked out for me, you know, I didn't get raped, so I was okay. And it was a legitimate legal dungeon.

[Adam Carolla]

How many clients would you see a day usually?

[Ben Folds]

Well, I worked the night shift.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Ben Folds]

So I probably saw maybe, like, on a busy night, six guys. On a slow night, too.

[Adam Carolla]

How many months or years did you work there?

[Ben Folds]

I did it for about a year. Maybe a little over a year.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you ever run into a black guy or a Mexican guy? I have a theory.

[Ben Folds]

Possibly, like, Puerto Rican. Ish. But specifically Mexican. I don't think so.

[Adam Carolla]

No. Blacks are Mexican.

[Ben Folds]

Definitely not black guys. Like, I don't think I even saw any black guys in the waiting room.

[Adam Carolla]

Never.

[Ben Folds]

Never.

[Adam Carolla]

I know.

[Ben Folds]

Why?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, one guy was working the floor buffer, but no, I've said many times, black guys, they're down. Enough Mexican guys are down. They don't need a fucking crop. You smacking them in the ass. They want to get laid. Like, they're practical. They're going to Shell out. It's why you don't see any of the Mexicans on a construction site drinking a smoothie. Because that's five bucks. And for five bucks they can go to the fucking Taco Bell and eat like a fucking king. Now, maybe kill them. But they're not. Like, if you're going to pay $200, you're not going to blow job. You're not going to get ridden around and have a guy. Someone smack you in the ass and call you a piece of shit.

[Alison Rosen]

Right? Like psychological need to treat it like shit.

[Adam Carolla]

You get treated like shit during the day.

[Alison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what your boss does.

[Ben Folds]

Well, also, I've noticed, like being in porn and being a stripper and all those things. Like, black guys are pretty vanilla. Like, they don't even. They're. I would say a lot of them compared to the white guys, don't even like to eat pussy. They. Most of them are like anal, take it or leave it. Whereas a lot of the white guys are like, ass is my favorite hole.

[Adam Carolla]

So I have that on my license plate frame.

[Brian Bishop]

Why wasn't that the title of your book?

[Ben Folds]

Yeah, it'll be the next one.

[Adam Carolla]

No, they haven't. They'll get. God willing, when the great Dr. Martin Luther King's vision comes true, they will come to that place where ass is their hole and where they're getting beaten by a rider's crop and running around with a bit in their mouth. They just have not advanced. You got to get to a certain station alive. No, there's a couple things. I've said this many times. If you want to go be dominated, you got to be the boss man. I feel like it's the boss man who comes in there. He's in charge of 200 people, and then at night he comes and sees you. And now it's your turn to dominate him. Generally, when you're getting your ass kicked all day doing roofing jobs, you don't want to go in and get your ass kicked again or pay someone to kick your ass. You're paying somebody to rub your balls. You know what I mean? It's the opposite. You're paying for the opposite of what you have.

[Ben Folds]

I agree.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I feel like, as I said many times, when it comes to eating, pussies squeak. From my black guy from my football team over at La Valley College said, I don't eat anything that gets up and walks away when I'm done. He was very poetic. Yeah. So my theory holds true with the dominatrix for sure. Mostly just White guys and probably pretty well to do, right?

[Ben Folds]

Yeah, definitely. A lot of like businessmen bosses, like you said, a lot of Hasidic Jewish people. But I wasn't their type. They're not into me. Like they like, like the blondies and stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, no, that is their fucking kryptonite, the Jews. You show them a blonde.

[Ben Folds]

Yeah, well, also it's like not cheating if she's not Jewish, right? Isn't. I think for them that's like what it is.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, whatever, whatever.

[Ben Folds]

They're not Jewish. You're not even like human.

[Adam Carolla]

There's. There's a part where you want to work a super naughty. There's a part of sex that I never really quite. I mean, I understand it, but it doesn't hold a big allure for me, which is like my plan was always just have sex with the best looking person that would let me have sex with them. That was always my plan. There's a lot of guys that need a lot of other stuff baked in. And I never understood that part where it's like, I need to be humiliated or you needed to be humiliated or I needed to do shit not because it felt good to me, but because it felt bad to you. Like all, like all these other layers I never need. I just figured just fucking find someone who's good looking, see if they'll hold still unless you have sex on them.

[Ben Folds]

I also think it's like kind of a different era now. Like now that kids are growing up with porn on the Internet, you know, they've been watching porn since like they were eight. You know, like anal is no big deal to them.

[Adam Carolla]

I just got them the Viewmaster disc with anal. I mean, I'm old school, but I'm new school too. I'm progressive, you know what I mean? Don't mix it up with the Grand Canyon one. Or maybe, maybe you should.

[Alison Rosen]

It's a gigantic hole.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So, yeah, I mean, it's a lot of spitting and smacking and all that stuff. So a year or so of that, what was your average call like?

[Ben Folds]

Your average John varied so much. I mean, some of them were not even submissive really. Like a lot of guys would just come in to role play and jerk off. Because at the dungeon there's absolutely no sex the furthest we can go. Like, we can touch them if we're beating them or if they're like sucking on our toes or something, but we cannot give them hand jobs. Nothing like that. It's totally such prudes. Yeah. No, really though, like, strip clubs are way More hookery than a dungeon.

[Adam Carolla]

I feel like the dungeon floor should be sort of like the one in a birdcage where there's the grill that everyone walks on and then underneath it's a sports section from USA Today. I don't feel like I feel good in that dungeon floor with the toe sucking, you know, with a lot of beating off going on.

[Ben Folds]

Well, if you're not into it, you wouldn't even be there, so.

[Adam Carolla]

Fair point.

[Brian Bishop]

Self selecting sample.

[Adam Carolla]

But seriously, the carpet. Is there carpet in the dungeon?

[Ben Folds]

There's no carpet. It's really cold. It smells like rubbing alcohol. It's. I mean, it has a weird energy to it, for sure. Like, it doesn't feel like you don't walk in, like, ooh, this is a nice cozy place.

[Adam Carolla]

Where are they beaten off in front of me? Huh. Let me tell you that.

[Alison Rosen]

Where'd it go? Is what he's wondering.

[Ben Folds]

Yeah, I guess it was a while ago. I guess it went into their hand now that I'm thinking of it.

[Adam Carolla]

Not all of it.

[Brian Bishop]

Didn't know.

[Ben Folds]

I mean, there's definitely DNA everywhere.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And like, in terms of your proximity, when they're beating off where. Where are. Because I'd be behind them. Because I've seen sperm go every way but loose.

[Ben Folds]

I. I don't think I cared much about it.

[Adam Carolla]

You didn't.

[Ben Folds]

I don't remember thinking about it that much.

[Adam Carolla]

You weren't wearing, like a Hazmat suit or anything? No.

[Ben Folds]

No. And then, I mean, it wasn't like everyone came. A lot of guys would come high on coke. Come into the dungeon high on coke.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Ben Folds]

So they would just book like six hour sessions and just never come, but kind of be touching their dicks the whole time, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Did it. Did. Now, was that a good thing? Like, when you knew the guy was beaked up, you're like, on one hand, he's beaked up, on the other hand, no flying cheers tonight.

[Ben Folds]

Well, for me, I hate coke. And like, I. When I was a dominatrix, it was definitely like a drug phase of my life. Like, I was partying, I should say. But I never liked coke and people on coke are really annoying to me. So, like, I never really enjoyed it. But I did have this one guy who smoked crack.

[Adam Carolla]

Mmm.

[Ben Folds]

And I never did it with him until this one time and it was.

[Adam Carolla]

You smoked crack with him? Yeah.

[Ben Folds]

And it was like the most amazing feeling I've ever felt in my life.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. That's fucking great.

[Ben Folds]

But then I came down so hard and I never did it. Again, because it was just too horrible.

[Adam Carolla]

So most of these guys, and you see a lot of the same guys, and they would ask for you and would they just show up in their business attire? They got a locker room over there at the dungeon. And then what do you see? Like, the other guy snapping with the towel. Hey, Bert, looking good.

[Brian Bishop]

Look at that. See you out there.

[Adam Carolla]

That was from work.

[Ben Folds]

No, it's not like that. Like, there's a locker room, but it's only for the girls. The guys, if they're doing any dressing and undressing, which they do because some of them like to wear leather or like to be naked or go up in a sex swing or whatever. Because we would fuck them with strap ons. Oh, naturally.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Let's focus on that.

[Ben Folds]

But I worked the night shift, so a lot of guys. A lot of it was like, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't get that lunch crowd in there.

[Ben Folds]

Yeah, and there is a lunch crowd, so I didn't see them, though.

[Adam Carolla]

So did you have your own dungeon? No, no, there's just the dungeon.

[Ben Folds]

It's just starting out. It was called the Nutcracker Suite. And they've actually shut down since because someone left a guy hanging by his ankles. And I guess they forgot about him.

[Adam Carolla]

That could happen.

[Ben Folds]

And he almost died, and they had to call the ambulance and everything. He didn't die, but, I mean, that's.

[Alison Rosen]

Was he pissed or was he really.

[Adam Carolla]

This is Peterson. He's fine. I think there's a thrombosis of his forehead.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, my God. What happened was a car accident? No, he was walking down the street and mugged.

[Adam Carolla]

What?

[Brian Bishop]

Was there a mugging detected?

[Adam Carolla]

Salt? No. I feel like this could go on for days. I'm just gonna do what they. I'm gonna flip over all the cards.

[Brian Bishop]

Just don't tell me he was working out. I told him, just be careful on that treadmill.

[Adam Carolla]

Just burning some calories.

[Asa Akira]

I knew it.

[Adam Carolla]

I could tell you. I don't know. He may have tried to do a crunchy while he was inverted. I'm not saying he wasn't working out.

[Brian Bishop]

He was doing some crazy exercise. He was upside down.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, he was being violently cornholed by a small Asian woman with a strap on, and then she'd forgotten about it.

[Asa Akira]

What kind of a gym is this?

[Adam Carolla]

Either the best or the worst, depending on how you want to look at it.

[Ben Folds]

Yeah, I don't know. I don't know if he was ultimately happy or upset or what. I mean, I'm sure ultimately upset.

[Adam Carolla]

Right now you can't Leave your johns hanging. Can I say this? If. If I was beating off. You know what it's like, Allison, when you're doing therapy and they kind of get. They're kind of starting. You're getting in that wind up mode. Like, you're right in the middle of talking about how much you hate your stepdad. And they're like, okay, well, these are all good thoughts. And you can kind of tell they're.

[Alison Rosen]

A lot going on.

[Adam Carolla]

We got a lot going on. Like, we've got a lot out. There's a lot to work with. Like, what they're saying is, I'll see you next week. Like, we're rolling it up. If I was trying to beat off and I had a little coke buzz, and you were kind of going, well, we've done a lot of cornholing.

[Alison Rosen]

You've been bad, but you'll be bad again.

[Adam Carolla]

You'll be bad again. I'd be like, bitch, you gotta shut up. I'm this fucking close. I know. We're wrapping this.

[Ben Folds]

We had a system which was 10 or. I think it was either 10 or 15 minutes before the session ended. There was an intercom and the general manager of the place, which was like, this Harley Davidson dude would be like. It would be like, beep. All right, 15. And usually Dawson comes over the intercom. But usually that's actually where they start jerking off.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Ben Folds]

I mean, some guys jerk off the whole time. Like, kind of.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Ben Folds]

Like, half ass jerking off.

[Adam Carolla]

It's that. It's that when you're jogging and you hit a streetlight and you're running in place, you're just.

[Asa Akira]

Right.

[Ben Folds]

You're just kind of doing that for like 45 minutes.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right.

[Ben Folds]

And then the 15 minute bruiser comes.

[Adam Carolla]

On the blower and tells you it's. You know.

[Alison Rosen]

Did they ever want you to do things that you weren't comfortable with?

[Ben Folds]

For sure, definitely. And they would be like, all the other girls do it. But that was a trick. Just mainly hand jobs. I don't think they would have ever tried to go for more, especially. But especially, like, the submissive guys, they don't actually want to fuck because for that, like, for the same price, you could just go on Craigslist and get a hooker.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Ben Folds]

Like, they. Part of, like, the not getting laid is, I think, part of, like, the. The thrill for them so they can obtain.

[Adam Carolla]

They were. Once you get really specific, like, you know, my mom's name is Mildred.

[Ben Folds]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, you gotta work that in.

[Ben Folds]

Totally. Totally. There's a lot of that like there was a guy with a dentist. I had a lot of guys with like micro penis.

[Adam Carolla]

They had micro.

[Ben Folds]

They had micro penis. They literally had micro penis. Like the. I don't know if it's a disease or syndrome or what, but condition.

[Adam Carolla]

It's worse.

[Ben Folds]

Sorry, no offense, but they would like to be humiliated about their small penises. That was a really common one. Golden shower. Some guys like to get shit on. I wouldn't like. I draw the line there.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, for me, I need 24 hours notice, you know what I mean? You want me to shit on you? Yeah. Same with anal. Like, I need a. I need a heads up. And then with a cancellation, you gotta pay too.

[Alison Rosen]

Yeah, someone's gotta pay for all that fiber.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Right. So now hold on a second. We just sort of glossed over the part where there was a swing and there was a strap on and a butt. Butt fucking.

[Ben Folds]

That was probably my favorite thing, the butt fucking. Because for me, I'm not like, I'm not. I'm actually in sex. I've come to discover I don't really like being dominant that much. But one thing I really love doing is like wearing a strap on and fucking a guy. It's such a power trip. Like, no, it's. Where'd you go to finishing school?

[Adam Carolla]

First you learn to walk with this book on your head. Then we get the strap on out. I would, I would find it to be a position of power. Well, you know who's in charge.

[Ben Folds]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

And by the way, he's paying you by the hour to be anally raped with this piece of plastic. Yeah.

[Ben Folds]

And it usually is rape.

[Adam Carolla]

You have your strap on and you keep in one of those huge blue barber things, you know, where they have like the blue water floating there. Because I wouldn't want you just going out. Well, I wouldn't mind you just coming back into the room with a strap on. Because I'd be like, I saw a guy limping out of here earlier and I could be the same.

[Ben Folds]

Like, they bring their own strap on buddies.

[Adam Carolla]

Do they have their own strap on?

[Ben Folds]

A lot of times they would bring in their own. We also provided them. I didn't have my own. I have my own now.

[Adam Carolla]

But having your own strap on, it's like when the guy shows up to the lanes with his own wrist, wrist brace, ball and shoes. Like, how cool is that?

[Brian Bishop]

A loser.

[Adam Carolla]

He's a pro. He knows. He knows the game. Well, it's like showing up with your own pool cue.

[Alison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Ben Folds]

To be raped with, which I think is kind of embarrassing, but I think within a dungeon, it's not that embarrassing.

[Adam Carolla]

Now you're all.

[Ben Folds]

You're all in the same.

[Adam Carolla]

Ever have a guy showed up with something where you're like, there's no way that's going to fit in your asshole?

[Ben Folds]

No, I've seen guys take really big things in their ass. Like, you know. You know when you go to like a sex shop and there's like that one butt plug on the counter that you think is just for show. You ran for service egg.

[Brian Bishop]

I know.

[Ben Folds]

Yeah, yeah, Guys really use those. Girls don't. It's the guys. The guys are like total size queens about toys.

[Alison Rosen]

Wait, how big is this butt plug on the counter we're talking about?

[Ben Folds]

I mean, I've seen ones like this.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, I mean, listen, you're like holding your arms.

[Ben Folds]

No, there's like the length of my arm. But I mean, guys are crazy.

[Adam Carolla]

But I mean, you've seen like bowling pin size stuff.

[Ben Folds]

Oh, yeah, definitely bigger than bowling pin. And I think that's. It's interesting though, because it's like as submissive as these men are, I think that's where like a little bit of the machuness comes in. Like the. A little bit of the alpha male.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Ben Folds]

I can take a bigger cock than you.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, sure.

[Ben Folds]

Competitiveness does come in, so. And girls aren't like that. We're not like, I can take a bigger dick than you.

[Alison Rosen]

Like most, baby.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you guys are pragmatic that way. Now, most of these guys don't answer for a second. Just hold the thought. But married or single? Don't answer. I suspect a lot of these guys are married and nobody has any idea what they're up to. And then what a fucking burden it'd be. If this is. You laugh all you want, but if this is your thing, like your drug of choice. Oh, my God, how much time you have to carve out every week for this shit? So married, single, straight? Yeah, everyone's.

[Ben Folds]

I think they're all straight or else they would go. See, guys, I think anything you do with a woman is straight or not gay. All right, maybe not totally straight, but definitely not gay.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Ben Folds]

I mean, even if I'm fucking you with a strap on, like, you're not gay.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Ben Folds]

Like, you just go for it.

[Adam Carolla]

It's hard to make an argument for straight at that point. At that moment. Like that exact moment, I'd wait till the thing was out of my asshole, then I'd start my dissertation about how straight I am.

[Alison Rosen]

What if that was your thing? Though the dissertation on how straight you are while someone's fucking you with the strap on.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I know what I. At that moment, I'd make the Smuckers argument. You know how secure I am in my sexuality. Let me tell you how secure I am. There's a small Asian woman with a huge strap on right now that is penetrating me as I speak to you, ladies and gentlemen. Now, would this be the actions of a gay man who was trying to pretend he was straight? I don't think so.

[Ben Folds]

I kind of agree with that though.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you.

[Ben Folds]

I mean, I know you're joking, but.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm not joking.

[Ben Folds]

There's kind of.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm simply repeating my rap.

[Ben Folds]

Like how there's nothing more like you couldn't be any more confident in your sexuality than knowing you're straight and getting fucked in your ass.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, that's true, that's true.

[Ben Folds]

But to answer your question, married or single? I don't know. I never asked them, I guess. I mean, I would imagine a lot of them are married.

[Adam Carolla]

You had to have a guy fall in love with you though.

[Ben Folds]

Never, Never at the dungeon? No.

[Adam Carolla]

Never any feelings.

[Ben Folds]

Oh.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, there had to be some guy who walked in there, just looked like 28 year old Jon Hamm. And you were like, what is this guy doing in here? And you must have been thinking like, wow, okay.

[Ben Folds]

You know, never young guys. Never, never young guys. Never had a young guy come in.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Cause they're not running the Fortune 500 company and need to feel this thing of the writer's crop.

[Ben Folds]

Yeah.

[Alison Rosen]

Or maybe they're younger and so they can get this kinky shit in their relationships. Whereas the older guys are married to women who are like, hell no.

[Ben Folds]

True. That's very, very, very true. I think, I think the newer generations are much more open to this weird shit and I think it's because of Internet porn.

[Adam Carolla]

What do you think the oldest dude you saw in there was?

[Ben Folds]

Oh my God, like 80.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. Old.

[Ben Folds]

I remember, I remember one in particular. Like, he was just, he liked to like lick my heels.

[Adam Carolla]

Uh huh.

[Ben Folds]

The heels of my shoes. And he, he would jerk off. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

While he was licking the heels of your shoes.

[Ben Folds]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

It's weird. And then you look around and think, who amongst us. Oh, I'm looking at you.

[Ben Folds]

I'm telling you right now, there's someone in here into it.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh really?

[Ben Folds]

Someone in here, I bet, gets fucked in their ass with a strap on. I bet. I would, I would bet money on it. You'd be surprised. And like once I would Pleasantly.

[Adam Carolla]

But I would be surprised.

[Ben Folds]

And once I've put that out there, that I've done it before, you'd be shocked at how many people have come up to me, like, hey, have you really done that? Like, would you do it to me? And guys you would never think are into that.

[Adam Carolla]

So the guy, 80 years old, licking, licking. God bless him, though, you know, he's out there still living his life. You know what I mean? I don't know.

[Brian Bishop]

Doing his thing.

[Alison Rosen]

He knows what color his parachute is.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. I don't know. You know, if we could all say that at age 80, we had the strength to go up to the dungeon and lick some heels while we beat.

[Brian Bishop]

Off, we should be so lucky.

[Adam Carolla]

We should all be so lucky.

[Ben Folds]

It sounds really exhausting, actually. I hope at 80, I'm, like, chilling on a sofa now.

[Adam Carolla]

Licking your heels. Does that mean he's down on the floor?

[Ben Folds]

Yeah, he was, like, on the floor, sitting like this.

[Adam Carolla]

I know I'm sort of obsessed with this floor thing, but in the Spankatorium as I know it, laying on the floor just doesn't seem like an option. No. To me.

[Ben Folds]

Yeah, but they had boners, so they weren't, like, thinking like that. You know what I mean? Like, no. Like, even I feel this way about myself is like, even when I'm on a porn set, like, I'll be like, I don't do this, I don't do that. I don't want to put my barefoot in the grass, like, blah, blah, blah. But once I'm fucking, like, I'm, like, sucking come off the floor.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Ben Folds]

Like the same floor that I didn't want to put my bare foot on a second ago.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Ben Folds]

You know, so I think once you're, like, in a boner state of mind.

[Adam Carolla]

I think, love that, Billy.

[Ben Folds]

You're just not thinking about, like, the germ factor.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, no, I know, I know, I know. There's a little switch.

[Ben Folds]

Yeah. So they're all in boner mode.

[Adam Carolla]

I just think, you know, sexually, to me, it's kind of my monkey brains thing, which is like, some people eat monkey brains. They like monkey brains. And then for those of you, of us who don't, it sounds bizarre. And it also one of these things where someone goes, you gotta try it, you know? And I go, I don't have to try it. I'm not interested. They have fucking. They have pulled pork sandwiches, do they not? They're good enough for me. I'll be fine as long as I have pizza and hot dogs, Chicago style. I'll be good for the rest of my life. I'm never gonna try that.

[Ben Folds]

Sometimes you just know.

[Adam Carolla]

I know, and I feel like I know. And so then when you think the way you think, you think. Well, everyone else thinks the way you think, too. There could be nobody else who's out there. But you're saying there's a fair amount of dudes possibly under this roof?

[Ben Folds]

Definitely more than possibly under this roof. For sure there's at least one really, that at least wants to try.

[Alison Rosen]

Well, who do you think it is?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna check. Find a layer off that list, because that is hazardous duty. If you're gonna pull up behind him with a strap on, you do it at your own.

[Ben Folds]

It's not dangerous.

[Adam Carolla]

That's on.

[Ben Folds]

You mean, like, no prostate literally on you?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Ben Folds]

It would be more gay to want to fuck a dude in his ass. You're saying that in your ass because you have a problem, like, scientific.

[Adam Carolla]

I think we found some common ground here. You're saying it'd be more gay if I was fucking a dude in the ass?

[Ben Folds]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. I. You know.

[Alison Rosen]

Do you really agree with that, though?

[Adam Carolla]

It'd be more gay if I was fucking a dude in the. In the ass? Yeah. It's hard to get gayer than fucking a dude in the ass.

[Asa Akira]

Yeah.

[Alison Rosen]

Having some. Someone fuck you in the ass.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, but this is a strap. With a strap on or not.

[Ben Folds]

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Now a dude is gayer than anything with a girl. The gayest thing of all is sucking a dude's dick. That's the gayest of the gayest of gay.

[Adam Carolla]

You're seeing that The.

[Alison Rosen]

Even for women.

[Ben Folds]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

The peak of Mount Gay.

[Ben Folds]

Of Mount Gay.

[Adam Carolla]

The summit of Mount Gay is sucking cock. Nope.

[Alison Rosen]

What?

[Brian Bishop]

Doing it while being penetrated at the same time.

[Ben Folds]

Okay, well, now you're just splitting hair.

[Adam Carolla]

You want to put fucking sprinkles on my froyo, that's your business. But I'm just talking plain.

[Ben Folds]

But, like, okay, I can. I can. If a man puts his penis in your asshole, if you want that. I can understand it coming from, like, the point of view of, like, you have a prostate. It feels good. You're gonna come. But if you're. Yeah, but if you're.

[Adam Carolla]

I need to talk to my son. I got a boy. Let him know the. You know, the way the wind's blowing.

[Alison Rosen]

Around here by a child's voice right now. And we are all like, yeah, okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Ben Folds]

But if you're sucking a guy's dick, that doesn't feel good to You. You're only doing. The only reason that pleases you is because you like sucking cock.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Ben Folds]

Like there. It's not like you have a prostate in your mouth.

[Adam Carolla]

The more I know.

[Ben Folds]

In the back of your throat.

[Adam Carolla]

So you're saying.

[Alison Rosen]

But if you have your penis in a guy's ass, presumably that feels good.

[Ben Folds]

Yeah. So that's not as gay because it's scientifically. I mean, if you close your eyes, it could be a girl's ass.

[Alison Rosen]

It's logic.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Well, listen, you close your eyes, you could be fucking Christie Brinkley. I mean, like, there's a lot of closing your eyes that doesn't. That doesn't work. Yeah. I was thinking about Billy Joel. I just can't stop thinking about Billy Joel. And so now have you do anal in your movies, right?

[Ben Folds]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And. Stupid question. Have you ever dealt with a guy where you're like, that's too much for me?

[Ben Folds]

Oh, yeah, for sure.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, I feel like in terms of being sent home from work anal.

[Ben Folds]

Take it or leave it.

[Adam Carolla]

That would be the greatest sent home from work day ever. Like, what's up? Too much hog. Just fucking too much hog between my legs. What happened? Well, it's doing anal scene all planned out.

[Asa Akira]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

You're talking about that last night helped you run lines.

[Adam Carolla]

I ran lines.

[Brian Bishop]

There was only two lines.

[Adam Carolla]

Blocked. We blocked it out.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Hit my marks. Which was her asshole.

[Brian Bishop]

So you did everything wrong?

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Brian Bishop]

What could the problem be?

[Adam Carolla]

You remembered it was too much girth in the cock department. Oh, I just put my cock on that pallet jack. I used to move it around and just wheeled it back to the special van I have with the lift to get me my cock buddy.

[Asa Akira]

I'm sorry.

[Brian Bishop]

That's tough.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's rough.

[Ben Folds]

Well, I should specify that's never happened.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, it's ever happened. No.

[Ben Folds]

I guess I was lying just now because I've definitely seen a dick and been like, that's too much. And then I went through with it and it worked out like, I'll try.

[Adam Carolla]

And that's the warrior spirit, right?

[Ben Folds]

It's the Asian.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the Asian warrior spirit. That's why we need to drop in that case. Not. We could have divine win. Does any divine win ever come out.

[Ben Folds]

Of you during that Divine win?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, the wind. It's the. There was a. There was a thought when we were. Was part of the island campaign when we were getting to Japan, and part of the thing.

[Brian Bishop]

We still talk about butt sex.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, the island campaign. Part of the thought was the divine Wind that somehow. Oh, somebody. Gary can look it up or something. The gods are on our side.

[Brian Bishop]

Gary's looking something else up.

[Adam Carolla]

16 AVN awards, by the way. Is that true? Oh, well, this could have been printed out 10 minutes ago. You may have won three for anal while you're sitting here.

[Ben Folds]

It's a lot. Yeah, they've been very, very good to me.

[Adam Carolla]

You go every year. It ain't luck. Well, it's the warrior spirit. A lot of chicks would walk away from that cock.

[Ben Folds]

I feel lucky to have had the opportunity, which sounds so silly. I think most people are, like, what? But for me, like, this is the perfect job.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, oh, the kamikaze is what the divine win. But that's only part of what comes up. It's a sort of a fighting spirit that think that thought. Well, anyway.

[Ben Folds]

Yeah, I know I have that in me.

[Adam Carolla]

You have that in you?

[Ben Folds]

Yeah. I'm a competitive person.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Because you could walk away from that cock, but it would haunt you.

[Ben Folds]

Oh, for sure, for sure.

[Adam Carolla]

Definitely back down from the cock.

[Ben Folds]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Cock in your dreams.

[Ben Folds]

I don't want to back down from nightmares. But, like, I do charge more. I mean, okay, now I'm under contract with a company called Wicked Pictures. So I get paid the same amount of money. No matter what I do. Even If I shoot 10 scenes or 30 scenes or one scene, whatever that month, I get a salary. But before, when I was independent, I would get paid per scene. And for the guys like Mendingo or Lexington Steele, like the guys with the really big dicks, say, the Jews, I would charge more because Dingo, who knew.

[Adam Carolla]

That guy had a big cup, could have never seen that one coming.

[Ben Folds]

But I would charge more. Yeah. Because I'd be out of commission for like the next week.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, like, what? What would the service charge? No, but I mean, again, hazardous duty pay. But there's that thing where, like, you know, on the set, if they're going to have smoke on the set, pay everyone a little bit more. If you're going to ask an actor to do a stunt, they pay him a little bit more. Like, how much? But attack onto would depend.

[Ben Folds]

But like a few hundred bucks, not a lot. It's not like I would charge like double my rate or anything, but we also get more for, like, anal than vag.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Ben Folds]

Almost double for that. So DP is like, depending on the person. But, like, for dp, you can charge even more. And then when you do like a gang bang, every person is like, you get a few hundred dollars more for per person, per Guy.

[Brian Bishop]

Even the guy in the corner is whacking it.

[Ben Folds]

No, no, no, just the girl. The guys actually probably get less because it's less work for them.

[Adam Carolla]

I have seen those movies where the guys show up and they're wearing like, a gorilla head because they got a lot of pride and they don't want their kids, you know, 20 years from now to recognize, right?

[Ben Folds]

Oh, like a mask.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Weird, right?

[Ben Folds]

Weird. I would never want to fuck a guy in a mask.

[Adam Carolla]

There's a clown coming on me. Oh, fuck. Richard Nixon just came on me.

[Ben Folds]

It's just not intimate. Like, you can't look into their eyes.

[Adam Carolla]

It's not intimate. You have nine guys coming on you, you can't open your eyes. What can be intimate?

[Alison Rosen]

Gang bangs.

[Ben Folds]

Gang bangs.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, gang bangs. But again, you don't want to look in their eyes unless you're wearing your fucking goggles, right?

[Ben Folds]

No, I like looking in their eyes.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Ben Folds]

I mean, you and I have a.

[Adam Carolla]

Very different relationship with other people's semen. I'm just gonna say it. It's been the white semen colored covered buffalo in the room that's been, you know, the elephant and I'm just going to say it. You guys, it's about time. You and I, we may agree on many things. Other people's semen is where we part ways, missy.

[Alison Rosen]

And what is it that you agree on?

[Adam Carolla]

I think we can agree on pass.

[Ben Folds]

Is my favorite hole.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that we're both very sensual. I think we can agree on that. Neither one of us judge. I think we agree on that. I think we're both inspired by the grandfather licked your stiletto heels.

[Ben Folds]

I don't like monkey brain.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't like monkey brain? Well, there's another thing. But when it comes to white shit that flies out of strangers cocks, then we go a different direction.

[Ben Folds]

Yeah, I guess so.

[Adam Carolla]

And that's okay. But that's okay. You know what I mean?

[Ben Folds]

You know what's gross?

[Adam Carolla]

It's like you're a Ravens fan, I'm a Rams fan. Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

You both love the NFL. You don't dislike the sport of football.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Ben Folds]

Right. That's exactly what it's like.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. I love that about us. Where was I? I secure everybody the book. Insatiable Porn, A love Story, available on Amazon. You must come back during your refractory period, like when you're with Mandingo or Lexington Steele or somebody like that. You got a few days off.

[Alison Rosen]

She's out of commission, you know, Come.

[Adam Carolla]

Bring that hemorrhoid pillow in here. And just sidle up to the microphone and we'll thank you. We'll have a nice chat. All right. We're fighting the patent trolls, so you can help us at fund anything. We're going to beat those guys. But the trial's coming up pretty fast, man. They're setting depositions. And anyway, we appreciate it. Help us fight that good battle. So until next time, this is Adam Crowley for Ostek here. Allison Rosen and Ball Bryan saying, Mahala, there's a small Asian woman with a huge strap on right now that is penetrating me as I speak to you, ladies and gentlemen. Now, would this be the actions of a gay man who was trying to pretend he was straight? I don't think so.

[Giovanni]

All right, this is Adam Koller, show 1306. Coming up for our final cut today, we have Adam Kroll, show 614, Ben Fold 2011.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, it's Adam Kroll from the Adam Kroll the show. Betonline is the world's most trusted betting platform and your number one source for online betting, from the earliest odds to in game live betting. Betonline provides you with all the action and the ability to watch and bet on games as they happen, with the largest selection of odds on everything from football, NBA, college basketball as well. BetOnline has NHL, MMA, and championship boxing. All your betting needs in one place. Head to Betonline today to get in on the action with America's most trusted site for online wagering. So have some fun. Make these games and these events and these combat sports a little more interesting with Betonline. Betonline, the game starts here today. Adam sits down one on one with Ben Folds. And now he's a brick and you're drowning slowly, Adam Carolla. Yeah. Get it on Got to get it on no choice but to get it on Mandate. Get it on. And finally, welcome Ben Folds to the podcast. Good to see you, Ben.

[Asa Akira]

Yeah, I can see you too, man.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm a big, big fan. I think you know that, right?

[Asa Akira]

Yeah. And we've done these things for a long time.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. And we've discussed my fandom of you, my worship.

[Asa Akira]

We did. We did.

[Adam Carolla]

I just. I find you to be very gifted musically.

[Asa Akira]

Thank you, man.

[Adam Carolla]

And I'm angry at a lot of other people that get a lot of airplay when they're not very gifted. I don't know if you have those feelings. Do you have those feelings?

[Asa Akira]

Well, I think I've compartmentalized that. I mean, I think that it's a different business, the people that get that airplay. And I Don't any longer worry about it too much. I used to when we were playing the game a little more. It does kind of suck to have your music go out and sort of not go where you think it should go. And then you turn on the radio and it's something that you don't like.

[Adam Carolla]

But, you know the thing that I find interesting about it, and I don't know, how does that sound in there, Gary? Because my headphones sound like crap where I'm. Where I'm sitting. But it sounds all right to you? All right. I'll just be annoyed. Some reverb, nasally drone.

[Asa Akira]

He's gonna want some reverb.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll tell you what annoys me, what annoys me about the music business and the process is, you know, people go, well, listen, you like your John Hyatt songs and your Ben Folds Deep Cuts or your Graham Parker songs or whatever it is, your old Joe Jackson albums. You. You like that? You like that? But everyone else wants to hear Dirty Laundry by Don Henley or something. I go, no, they don't. No, they don't. You know why? Because when I force them to listen to my music, they go, oh, I like this song. When I sit down and we get in the car and I go, we're gonna listen to Look Sharp or I'm the man by Joe Jackson, or we'll listen to some Ben Folds. And I say, sit down and listen. By the time we get to where we're getting to, and oftentimes I'll drive clean through to Europe, but by the time we get there, they'll go, that's a good song.

[Asa Akira]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And if they played it on the radio, then we'd all get to hear good music, but we don't.

[Asa Akira]

Well, that's. Yeah, it's true. I mean, a lot of it's just because it's the way they. It's. It's what is what you decide to push. You know, there's a filter which is, you know, still sort of off in the record company and radio consultants, and they decide what they're gonna make you like sometimes. And that's just the way it works. And I think also it's a matter of the kind of music that you can attach to a demographic that can be located, like, you know, where the Dirty Laundry people are at what time. But what time are the Joe Jackson people? You don't know? They might.

[Adam Carolla]

They're scattered.

[Asa Akira]

They're scattered. They're not. They don't represent a unified front.

[Adam Carolla]

No, they do not. And as Far as Ben Foles goes, my headphones are driving me nuts.

[Asa Akira]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know why. Sounds good to you, huh? Sounds good to Gary. And maybe it's just the new ones.

[Asa Akira]

We got you on. Switch headphones.

[Adam Carolla]

No, like these. No, no, we're good. So. But as far as your business and the business, obviously the business has changed a ton.

[Asa Akira]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And since, you know, every time we talk, it changes just a little bit more.

[Asa Akira]

We change it just by talking.

[Adam Carolla]

But you're. You like performing live, and you're a great live performer. I saw you in Washington, D.C. at A. @ a very popular old club over there where I got food poisoning.

[Asa Akira]

Oh, shit.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Oh, no. I got food poisoning at the restaurant before I went to the club and then saw you performing there in D.C. this must have been in 99 or maybe even 90, 98. But great, great live performer. And so for you, don't let me put any words in your mouth, but I always feel like I have a sense of humor, and that's my golden parachute. That's the net that's underneath this tightrope known as life. And if push comes to shove, and I don't want it to, when everything goes away, when everything falls apart, when everything turns to dust, I can always pick up a microphone and go find some stage and at least make rent money.

[Asa Akira]

Yeah, that's right.

[Adam Carolla]

You must feel that way in some way with your piano, like there's nothing. There's no way you'll ever go hungry. You can play the bejesus out of a piano.

[Asa Akira]

Yeah, that's right. Well, I actually see humor that way too, just not as my livelihood, but as sort of a safety net in general, because when things are going to shit, you can make a joke out of it. So I think that there's some parallel there. And the same thing with music. It's. It's cathartic. And you can play music and sort of forget about things, but certainly in a world. In a world where you can kind of fall back on making a living out of just going to play the piano, I've always felt fairly secure that if the music business and my business went to hell, that I can go play piano somewhere. And that's nice.

[Adam Carolla]

And speaking of sense of humor, because I was thinking about it tonight as I was skipping rope and thinking of you, as I often do when I skip my rope, I was thinking, I love your lyrics. I love the self deprecation, I love the irony, and I love the sense of humor that you weave in. And I've Gotten into these arguments with people in the past, which when they tell me about what a great lyricist Bruce Springsteen is, I always go, he's so fucking important and self serious all the time. Like, so as I picked up Becky sue and her dad didn't like me and we went to the edge of town and your papa doesn't like me because I don't have any money, but I'm gonna show them all sort of rock and roll band. And there's never a sense of humor. There's never. There's never. I mean, he's not bad, don't get me wrong.

[Asa Akira]

Oh, no, no.

[Adam Carolla]

Land on his feet.

[Asa Akira]

Yeah, he'll be fine, but.

[Adam Carolla]

He'll be fine. But I love it when somebody makes you, you know, you sort of tapping your foot, but you crack a smile too. Like, I love it when they turn a phrase and I love it when you go, oh, that's funny. Or that's self deprecating. I love that in lyrics. And they're not around that often. There's a lot of. On the best, you know, there's the whole rap side of it, which is, listen to me, I'll fuck you because I have a huge cock and I'll fucking rap your ass off. And I have tons of money and.

[Asa Akira]

All that shit that I cover that as well.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, I'm talking about Ben.

[Asa Akira]

Oh, me?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I'm sorry, I didn't mean rap. No. And then there's a lot of that bullshit like, we're gonna rock you like a hurricane and we're gonna blow into town and we're gonna love your ladies and we're gonna rock you.

[Asa Akira]

And then there's the advice songs.

[Adam Carolla]

I like those.

[Asa Akira]

Yeah, the songs are always nice. Have someone telling you what to do.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I was. I like the doctor doctor genre too, where they actually get into positions. Yeah, yeah. But he has a bad case of loving you. He's got the rock and roll blues or whatever it is, but he's got to get the doctors. Actually, he's a physician to come in and correct this.

[Asa Akira]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

I hate all that shit. I just do. It drives me nuts. And not only does it drive me nuts, I go, hey, hasn't somebody done 300 songs about coming into town and rocking you guys? And whenever I hear fucking Prince sing, I always feel like, why don't you just jack off into the microphone? I know everyone loves Prince, but I just feel like he's just beating himself off all the time. And I love it. Yeah, I love it when you come in and You. You almost make fun of yourself in the work.

[Asa Akira]

I think it's a matter of. And, you know, of course, there are people who really don't want to hear that, too, I guess.

[Adam Carolla]

No, there isn't. And if there is, they're fucking idiots.

[Asa Akira]

Well, I think it's about informality. To me, these things that are bothering you are rock and roll formalities. It's someone's dressing up in a suit and saying, I am this guy, and you're sensing a bit of distance and bullshit. And, you know, another view would be that, you know, when you go to a wedding, you put on the suit and that's just the way you do it. So some people go to the rock show and they're like, hey, he's going to rock me. And the guy comes up, I'm going to rock you. Hey, he's rocking me. And they like that, right? I guess you and I are more partial to someone who is going to, you know, who's gonna take away the. The formality just a little bit and kind of cut the bullshit because. Well, I think that's the way. I mean, that. That seems to be what you're saying.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. I feel like a lot of people are doing impersonations of musicians, and there's a lot of comedians doing impersonations of comedians, but it just seems like a lot of posing and machismo and bravado. And I'm gonna stand here and I'm gonna link. I'm gonna string together super simple lyrics. And just again, you know, like, I'm bothered. I'm bothered by Steve Miller. I'm bothered by many of the Eagles when they went off and did their own separate thing. I'm bothered by. I'm bothered by hall and Oates and their dirty laundry. I'm bothered by most music I hear. And also, you know, even though I married the woman, my wife and I don't have a ton in common. But we'll just be sitting around listening to some Piece of Shit In Excess song that comes on the 80s channel. And I look at her and I go, do you like this song? And she goes, I hate this fucking song. And I go, I hate this fucking song, too.

[Asa Akira]

You can bond over that.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, we can bond over that. And then a little bit later on, we'll hear some. I don't know, it could be. It could be sort of Men Without Hats or some piece of shit like that. But I'll just. I'll just hear some music. I'll go, this is fucking annoying. It's Going nowhere. It's repetitive. It's nothing. Like In Excess is one of those bands where it's like, what the did you guys do? Why did you form a band? Why are you torturing me? Your music is horrible. I don't even think it's music. It feels like a demo tape to me. Shoot. Let me hear a little Ben Folds. Can we hear a little Ben Folds? Mike Lynch. Mike lynch is working hard in the next room. One of my favorite Ben Folds songs, and this is selfless. Wait, how do I screw it up every time now? This song is so layered and so rich, and it has so many. It's almost too good or too advanced or too something for the radio. Like a. It's over four minutes, so that's. That's a bad sign.

[Asa Akira]

Got a lot of chords in it. It's not. It's not a super easy scan the first time you hear it, I think.

[Adam Carolla]

Hard to put in a category. I had a guy represent an independent film I did, and he's like, well, we got a problem here, folks. And it's like, what's the problem? Everyone loves the movie. It's like, it's a tweener. I'm like, what? What's tweener? It's not a sports movie. It's not a romantic comedy. It's. It's not a. It's not a boxing movie. It's. It's not. And it's like. Well, it's like. It's like all those things. Yeah, I know. But that's no good. And I remember, well, everyone who sees it likes it. Isn't that good? No.

[Asa Akira]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

Because we can't put it into a category. And this song doesn't have a place.

[Asa Akira]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

And when you're programming a radio station, you need to put everything in a box. And I don't know what box this fits into.

[Asa Akira]

No. And the irony of that is that's actually, in my opinion, makes something more accessible if it's got elements of a lot of different stuff. But as you say, people don't see it that way because you need to format in a way that people could understand. Hey, if you like this, then you'll like this. Which is the new way of doing it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You're basically saying, I'm gonna offer you a very delicious buffet. And they're going, we want a hoagie stand.

[Asa Akira]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

We want to know what we're getting. We want two choices. Do you want the Velveeta or do you want the mozzarella? That's it.

[Asa Akira]

The happy thing about it, though, is if you do what you do and you mean it and there are other people, like, you start to catch on to what you're doing, then you just have. You have a career and people appreciate what you do. And so I don't really any longer look at the rest of the picture too much and worry about it. I just go, wow, I'm pretty lucky. I can write the songs that I want to write, and plenty of people are hearing it, and that makes me happy enough and doing just fine.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, do you score something like this song as well? Like this part right here?

[Asa Akira]

I often score strings. I didn't score these strings. I dictated a few of the lines. But this is mostly. A guy in Nashville named John Painter scored that.

[Adam Carolla]

Would somebody pay for this in this day and age?

[Asa Akira]

I mean, pay for scoring.

[Adam Carolla]

If Ben Folds said, hey, man, I need strings, I need scoring. Like, I want a whole big production here.

[Asa Akira]

That's right. Yeah. There's a guy here in Los Angeles I like a lot, Paul Buckmaster. I use Paul all the time. Paul did, like, early Bowie stuff. He worked with Miles Davis. He did all of the Elton John stuff, like A Tiny Dancer and all that stuff. He's just. He's brilliant. And when I really need something, I'm not sure how I'm going to achieve it. I just pass it to him and he kills it. Sometimes I score them myself. There's a song with strings on it on the new record, and I scored that, and I enjoy it.

[Adam Carolla]

And what about all these session musicians? I mean, plucking away at the strings and everything?

[Asa Akira]

Yeah, you bring in. We have the people that are playing the strings on this song. Played them in a living room. We recorded it in a living room room, really. And now, you know, it's 15 years later, and they still do all my sessions for me, except we do them in the real studios, but same people. You're here and now. I just worked with them last week.

[Adam Carolla]

How much of this is going on at the same time? Are you playing with these strings?

[Asa Akira]

No, on this one, the strings were overdubbed after the fact. We took it to my friend's house and had the recorders there and just recorded them in. In the living room. The last record, I did a record with Nick Hornby, who wrote the lyrics and I wrote the music to it. Some of that we did live piano, strings, everyone at once, vocal, everything at once. So it just depends. It's an event that way. But you're paying a lot of money for people. If you're gonna be fucking up. They're gonna charge you for all the extra time.

[Adam Carolla]

See, my feeling in life is I've never heard this song on the radio, but I've heard Bad to the bone 200,000 times. And I wanna throw myself, myself on a piece of sharp, rusty rebar. I just want to kill myself. I want to drive somewhere and hear this song. I want to hear it on the radio. It's too good not to be heard.

[Asa Akira]

Thanks, man.

[Adam Carolla]

It drives me nuts. It's like. And everyone goes, well, people are too stupid to appreciate. Well, how about you smarten them up? Yeah, here's a way we could smarten them up.

[Asa Akira]

Well, you never want to underestimate. I mean, or. I never wanted to underestimate people. People like you can. People can hear complicated strains of music and hear a three syllable word every.

[Adam Carolla]

Once in a while. Or say, can. I mean, you can play this to an idiot and he still knows it's better than Mambo Number five. Except for you shove Mambo Number Five up the kid's ass and he's just gonna regurgitate that back into the atmosphere. I mean, that's the way it works.

[Asa Akira]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Music more than anything I've found is people are malleable. Like, they're not that malleable with, like, food or booze. Like, you know, you give a chick a shot of, like, Guinness and she says, I don't like. I don't like it. I don't like it.

[Asa Akira]

I love.

[Adam Carolla]

Two weeks later, you go, have another shot of Guinness. And she goes, oh, this is delightful. Now let me blow you. She just goes, I still don't like it. And 100 years from now, she wouldn't like it. And it's pretty much that way with liver as well.

[Asa Akira]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

But music, I feel like they can wear you down with it.

[Asa Akira]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, I will have people sitting around going, I like dirty laundry. And I'll go, no, you don't like that song. It's a piece of shit. And I'll go, yeah, I like it. And I'll go, no, you don't. You just heard it too many times and your fucking brain has turned to mush. You don't like it. There's nothing to like about it. You can't like it. It's impossible to like it.

[Asa Akira]

You begin to associate the music you hear with. With your life and experience.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what they do. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I got my first blow job in the back of a Vega when they were playing Dirty Laundry by Don. And I'll Go, I don't still. It still makes it a piece of shit.

[Asa Akira]

Yeah. Speaking of. Don Henley was the song the Boys of Summer. I always hated that song. When I was in high school, when it was out, and I never wanted to hear it. And then I got my wisdom teeth all removed at once, and I was on all the nitrous and stuff, and the guy put some headphones on and it was playing ever since then. I have to say, I love that song now. I don't know why. I can't help it.

[Adam Carolla]

Obviously you've been altered, and not. Not in a good way. No, I have all my wisdom teeth.

[Asa Akira]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And I fucking hate that song.

[Asa Akira]

Maybe that's what the problem.

[Adam Carolla]

It's such a pretentious piece of shit.

[Asa Akira]

It took part of my brain out.

[Adam Carolla]

You saw a Deadhead sticker on a Cadillac said, don't look back. You can never look back. If you ever wrote something that horrible, you'd have to kill yourself. It's not possible for you to do that kind of work.

[Asa Akira]

And I have fond memories of that. Right before they took my wisdom teeth out now. Yeah, see, it was in stereo that the headphones were. I'd never heard, like, a Walkman before. It's the first time I've heard a Walkman, you know, with little crappy headphones. And it was left and right. It's great.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Asa Akira]

Now. Now I like it. I'm sorry. I like to admit these things.

[Adam Carolla]

What other. What other shitty songs do you like? And there's room. There's room for guilty pleasures.

[Asa Akira]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, I'm not talking about Walking on Sunshine or anything. Those are fine.

[Asa Akira]

Listen to the stereo of that.

[Adam Carolla]

Such a piece of. And also, I always love important rock, you know, it's like, hey, listen to me.

[Asa Akira]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, I'm saying something.

[Asa Akira]

Except for.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm not really saying anything. Oh, Ben. Something. Sun's out of reach, man. We're gonna get you on that in a second. Oh, no. What do they do? The no Ho or.

[Asa Akira]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

There's so many stupid people enjoying this right now.

[Asa Akira]

Yeah. You just. You just upped your listenership on your super popular.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Play Little Dirty Laundry. There's. There's the song. I really. My theory with the Eagles is they said, look, we can all hang together and make music, or we can spread out and really do some damage.

[Asa Akira]

Divide and Conquer.

[Adam Carolla]

The Divide and conquer. And they took Joe Walsh and they went, hey, you with the super Hot Licks, get the fuck out of this band. Yeah, yeah, we heard this walk Away song. We've heard you. We've heard your James Gang stuff. Get the fuck out of here. Yeah. All right, so, Ben, let's go back.

[Asa Akira]

Let's go back.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's go back to the start. Where are you from?

[Asa Akira]

I'm from Winston Salem, North Carolina.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. And you start off. What's the family unit like?

[Asa Akira]

The family unit? Yeah, you know, sort of little. Little brother and me a dog, two parents. Pretty normal.

[Adam Carolla]

And what's dad do?

[Asa Akira]

He remodeled houses. And he also was a. What do you call that one? Inspector. He inspected houses to see if they were going to be knocked down or not.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Asa Akira]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So he could, like, red flag a place?

[Asa Akira]

Yeah, yeah, he could. And they were. Is this dirty laundry?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yes, it is. And by the way, timeless sounds just. Oh, wait, play the riff. Come on. There's a keyboard coming up.

[Asa Akira]

Let's check it out first. I have to.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, come on, Ben.

[Asa Akira]

Oh, it does.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a super complicated riff. Yeah. Oh, it's.

[Asa Akira]

You know what they've done? They've. They've. They've sped the tape up. When they. After they. When they mixed it, it's between keys.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Asa Akira]

Yeah, we just figured it out. They did that to make his voice brighter.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on. What do you know about music, man? Are they spend enough.

[Asa Akira]

That's good.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a fast improvement. Oh, God. We'll get to the Smuggler's blues in a minute.

[Asa Akira]

No. Okay, that's it. I can't do that.

[Adam Carolla]

You weren't getting your wisdom. Oh, wait a minute. Were you. Were you getting a gallbladder out or something?

[Asa Akira]

I'd have to have a major organ out if we're going to hear that one.

[Adam Carolla]

That is a piece of. Kick them when they're down Kick them when they're up Kick them off around. All right. Play me some Abracadabra. Find me some Steve Miller.

[Asa Akira]

You see, you and Joe Jackson gonna bond now. He hates.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, Joe Jackson hates Steve Miller.

[Asa Akira]

Joe hates that song. Abracadabra.

[Adam Carolla]

It's the. It's. It's. It's one of the shittiest things ever created. And I'm just talking about musically. I just mean things.

[Asa Akira]

Joe, who's brilliant musician, cites this as a turning point in bad, bad melodic movement motifs.

[Adam Carolla]

Great goddamn minds. Because if you. If you go in my car right now, you will find I'm the man on a loop. And it's just the only CD that I. I got a new card and I just. I sit there and listen to it. Soup to nuts and so I love Joe Jackson. And if you read my book, you'll hear me talking about what the. I don't know what the deal with Steve Miller is like.

[Asa Akira]

Well, he's a great musician, but what's.

[Adam Carolla]

He doing writing this?

[Asa Akira]

Well, I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

He.

[Asa Akira]

It works. Worked for him, you know. God, wrong between keys.

[Adam Carolla]

You're gonna fix this. Ben's gonna fix it. Here comes a great lyric. If you see Joe Jackson again.

[Asa Akira]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Tell him Adam Carolla. And then. And then take 20 minutes and explain who Adam Corolla is. And then say, hates this song. It could be. It could be. It could be worse than Man Eater.

[Asa Akira]

You know, what he was talking about was when he mentioned this was that what we're missing in music post this era is a long melody. And he cites, I think, My Funny Valentine. If you listen to that song, whether you like it or not, if you listen to that song, it's fairly harmless song.

[Adam Carolla]

Turn it down. I'm going to have a seizure.

[Asa Akira]

I want to see that. If you listen to a song like he cited My Funny Valentine, you'll hear a song where the melody continues to develop. You have a motif, but the motif then takes different turns. It's augmented. They use diminutia. They sequence the whole thing until it develops into a place that it didn't come from. A song like this goes abracadabra. That's it. Reach out and grab you. Abra. It doesn't actually develop. So while people can groove to that and they enjoy that, it doesn't actually take any risk. And it doesn't take you from one place to the other. And it doesn't claim to. So it's doing the job that it claims to do. Steve Miller is a brilliant musician.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, something.

[Asa Akira]

He just knew what he was doing. He just, he's like, this is gonna work.

[Adam Carolla]

He is like a. Then he's like a great chef who opened a hot dog on a stick down on the boardwalk and made a lot of money. Yeah, I guess that's what happened. You want to talk about a journey, you got to talk about Hocus Pocus by Focus. I mean he gets into yodeling at that point. Do you know what song I'm talking about?

[Asa Akira]

I don't know that one.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you don't know. How about you put your listening ears on Ben, you know this one?

[Asa Akira]

I don't know it. I hear a guitar on the left here.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, it's coming. Oh, oh, and there's some Nordic rock, baby. 70s style, great bass sound. Just keep, keep the Groove going. Now they all kick in this. What's called Stone Jam. Ben Folds. Never heard this song.

[Asa Akira]

Never. Now you're. You're breaking me in.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Asa Akira]

What's gonna happen?

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, baby, I'm gonna blow your mind because we haven't even begun this journey yet. I mean, first the skins. Turn it up.

[Asa Akira]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Then the Yoda. Like, holy.

[Asa Akira]

His little brother's in the right ear. God, I wish I still had my wisdom team.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. This would be your new favorite song, right? Never heard this song before, huh? But now we got to go all the way through.

[Asa Akira]

We're going to want to hear Frankenstein after this.

[Adam Carolla]

This is basically free. I think this is pre Frankenstein. You can cover this song too. Oh, my mic just cleared up. Oh, oh, there you go. Something happened to my mic. Much better. Oh, yeah, yeah. Look at those sideburns. Ben, you could cover this, right?

[Asa Akira]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Now here's where it gets funky. Can't believe never heard this song. I'm gonna do a live read while you can do this.

[Asa Akira]

You know, his lyrics shouldn't be bothering you though.

[Adam Carolla]

No, it's good. Better lyrics than Steve Miller.

[Asa Akira]

Well, yeah. And they're not claiming to. To be something that.

[Adam Carolla]

No, they're all rock. And that's it. Yeah. Better lyrics in abracadabra.

[Asa Akira]

And. And who is this?

[Adam Carolla]

This is Focus. Song's called Hocus Pocus.

[Asa Akira]

Check that drummer's grip.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, I think it's grip. Now I'm going to read. I'm going to do a live read for Legal Zoo. Like you just jam. I mean, just rock out, whatever you got to do.

[Asa Akira]

How do you mean?

[Giovanni]

I just.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't do anything. Enjoy the jam.

[Asa Akira]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Waiting for the perfect time to start your dream business. Oh, you got to be smart. You gotta save some cash.

[Asa Akira]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on. I'm lost in the jam again. Listen to this. Oh, yeah. Ben, you gotta cover this.

[Asa Akira]

Master of the skin flute.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Gotta keep the legal fees to a minimum. That's why I recommend legalzoom.com. ah, here we go. Very tall, esque.

[Asa Akira]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Answer simple. A couple of questions. Online, fast, easy. 100. 100% satisfaction guaranteed. Just like this jam.

[Asa Akira]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Trial tested documents personalized for your business.

[Asa Akira]

Your business.

[Adam Carolla]

Start a corporation or LLC for as little as 99 bucks. LegalZoom, not a law firm. They provide self help services at your direction. So your. Your. That's right, yours.

[Asa Akira]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

For even more savings, enter Adam in the referral box at checkout. Start your business off right. Protect your family, safeguard your assets. [e-mail]. that's legalzoom.com legalzoom.com. all right, here it is. Crescendo time. Song's still going, man. Never heard this song.

[Asa Akira]

I never heard this song, but shall.

[Adam Carolla]

I ask a fourth time?

[Asa Akira]

Oh, look at those. People like it?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. They approve.

[Asa Akira]

Oh, they're out of there. I like this. This excites me the same way as Carry On, My wayward Son. Live Kansas.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Asa Akira]

There's a live version of that. I just think that those. Those words are ridiculous. But there's something really exciting about the way they pull it off. I must have watched it 30 times on the bus in the last couple tours.

[Adam Carolla]

You. You ever hear the song Burn by Deep Purple?

[Asa Akira]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. Wow. Now you gotta look that one up, Mike. All right, now we're just. Again, big freschetta. Seriously, Pen, you could cover this. No one's gonna go, hey, man, you're ripping off Focus.

[Asa Akira]

Nah. And the piano. Will nuts Tame it down considerably.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Asa Akira]

It's long, though, the song. They had to memorize the stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

Big ending.

[Asa Akira]

The drummer's sick, though, huh?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Ben Folds. Everyone in his old band. Focus.

[Asa Akira]

Yeah, it's my old band.

[Adam Carolla]

You never heard Burn by Deep Purple? No. One of the greatest drumming songs ever.

[Asa Akira]

Now is this early 70s.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, this probably early 70s.

[Asa Akira]

Oh.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. I mean, you gotta listen to the guy pounding the skins on this one.

[Asa Akira]

I like these guys, the drummers, because they're. They're Their sound and their tone has. Has to mix its.

[Adam Carolla]

This guy does this for eight minutes, this drumming.

[Asa Akira]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I like when everyone would kick in. I was like. I was a sucker for the single thing. And then ever. Oh, look at this drum.

[Asa Akira]

Well, the drum set was very exciting in that era.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's. It's become Ian Pace, by the way. We gotta. Gotta look that up. Yeah. It was huge back then.

[Asa Akira]

Yeah. Because of the kind of sound that we often go for these days. The drummer is not allowed that much rope.

[Adam Carolla]

Plus, he's got that weird salad bar sneeze guard around him.

[Asa Akira]

Oh, yeah. No, that's the cage. I hate that.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't like that.

[Asa Akira]

The drums should. The drums should move when you hit them. Like, they should be kind of moving around. And if you got something that clamps them in and you're in the cockpit.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Asa Akira]

That's crap. And you always know when a guy's playing like that, you see their stool and it's perfectly shaped to their ass.

[Adam Carolla]

That's wrong.

[Asa Akira]

It looks like a Massive bicycle seat. It needs to just be just like a little thin stool.

[Adam Carolla]

You should work. You want to. Want to raise it up. You spin it exactly counterclockwise.

[Asa Akira]

Yeah. You get too comfortable and you put yourself in the cockpit. That's not right.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, no, I can.

[Asa Akira]

No one wants to hear that.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's the int.

[Asa Akira]

Oh, there it is.

[Adam Carolla]

There he goes. Yeah, you don't. You don't have your drummer. He doesn't have that sneeze guard around him, right?

[Asa Akira]

No, no. We all like simple, simple stools and drums that are on cheap stands. So they move, right. You hit the. The. The tom and you can see it move. I think that's important.

[Adam Carolla]

How many. Hold on. Yeah. Never heard this song before.

[Asa Akira]

Humbucker pickups.

[Adam Carolla]

You can cover Fern and Hocus Pocus next time you hit the stage.

[Asa Akira]

Yeah. Well, these are. Must be precursors to Frankenstein. It kind of reminds me of that.

[Adam Carolla]

I would say Fern and Hocus Pocus by Focus are both before Edgar Winters. Frankenstein. Yeah.

[Asa Akira]

Yeah. This sounds like this stuff sort of opened the door for that.

[Adam Carolla]

Kind of opened it, threw it. All right, you're ready here, drum.

[Asa Akira]

Like the Beef Jerky guy. Yeah, Slim Jim Guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Sorry.

[Asa Akira]

Here we go.

[Adam Carolla]

We're gonna get ready to drum. Two.

[Asa Akira]

One, two.

[Adam Carolla]

Now what. What kind of keyboards are you playing there?

[Asa Akira]

Sounds like a B3 Hammond.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Asa Akira]

It's a hammock.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's. Here's where the drumming really gets going. Oh, no, wait. Not quite yet. About another eight to ten minutes.

[Asa Akira]

Yeah. All that together. Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, here's what I'm saying. This music improved. It's been 40 years, you know what I mean? Like, rock and roll gotten much better than this.

[Asa Akira]

I think that was probably the zenith of the medium somehow.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's my theory. A, before video. So it didn't matter what you looked like.

[Asa Akira]

Yeah, obviously.

[Adam Carolla]

B, half these dudes were classically trained, so they could play. Yeah, they could play their instrument. We're a bunch of pretty boys. Frankenstein 72. Byrne 73. Oh, could have been December 72 and January 73, though, I think.

[Asa Akira]

I think that's like Einstein and Tesla. I think they're just doing the same thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Doing the same work.

[Asa Akira]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Yeah. All right. Big ending here with Ian Pace on the skins. Now here's. Here's where Ian goes to town.

[Asa Akira]

That bass player is killing too.

[Adam Carolla]

Great band. I don't. Deep Purple doesn't really get their due. Or maybe they do. It's great rock band. Another seven minutes on sleep Singer's name.

[Asa Akira]

See the Jesus Christ Superstar Yeah, I.

[Adam Carolla]

Think Richie Blackmore, I think. I think it was. I don't know if he's gone. He died. I don't know what that's going on in a proper ending. Oh, yeah.

[Asa Akira]

Nice work.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. I should say, by the way, Ben Folds tonight, Anaheim House of Blues, tomorrow night at the Wiltern Theater. And then Friday night, the Warfield Theater in San francisco. Also, the TV show the Sing off returns. NBC, Monday, September 19th. We have some calls lined up for you. I was talking about your growing up.

[Asa Akira]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And then you got me launched off on all these old rock songs. But your dad was an inspector and he was a builder.

[Asa Akira]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Living a suburban life, playing more or less.

[Asa Akira]

A little more of a redneck. I mean, it was. It was. It was a little more. It was a little closer to the working class kind of. Kind of thing probably than the suburban thing.

[Adam Carolla]

But, yeah, as far as music, obviously you're great on the piano and I think a great lyricist and singer as well. But you seem to love the composition of music and sort of the topic of music. Like, there's a lot of, you know, there's a lot of athletes who are great athletes, but they don't really know much about their sport. They're not really that into it. They're just great athletes. Right.

[Asa Akira]

They don't necessarily want to break it down or articulate it.

[Adam Carolla]

Whereas, yeah, like, Mike Tyson studied all the old fighters and he would tell you who Jack Johnson and Jack Dempsey was and guys like that, but other guys just. They don't. Haven't heard of these people, but they're still great at what they do. They're just not students of it. But that seems like you're a student of it. It seems like it's in you.

[Asa Akira]

Well, I named my son after Joe Louis, Joe Lewis.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you did?

[Asa Akira]

Yeah, yeah. And my daughter after Grace. Grace Allen.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Asa Akira]

Yeah. I was in LA at the time and I'd just been reading. I like, for some reason, I've just always read all the books on Muhammad Ali. And then I thought, well, I'd like to see the opposite, kind of the opposite character that, like, you know, because Joe Lewis was such a great fighter. And so I started reading biographies about him and just got very interested in his way of thinking and how he negotiated his career, his life. Next to the way Muhammad Ali came in afterwards. Totally deconstructed that way of thinking in that place in society.

[Adam Carolla]

Joe Lewis was a very quiet, humble guy, and he would go fight for the troops and do a lot of exhibitions and Then when he got back, it was like Uncle Sam's like, hey, you owe us a bunch of tax money.

[Asa Akira]

They screwed him.

[Adam Carolla]

They just screwed him. Yeah.

[Asa Akira]

And he tried to be nice, and then they've got.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And you know, the. The thing. And like, him and Max Schmeling were like friends after they fought and such. Gentlemen. And Schmeling was a decent guy, too, and he kind of got used by Hitler. And it was all this. It was a very interesting time and a very interesting story. But back to me for a second. Yeah, no, back to you. So as a young boy growing up North Carolina, you said.

[Asa Akira]

Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

When did the music thing start kicking in?

[Asa Akira]

That kicked in as soon as I could think. I mean, as soon as I was any kind of person. I mean, I was 2 years old and I would sit on the floor and listen to 45s. It was a little portable record player, and I had maybe 10 or 12 of them, and I would just listen to them over and over and over and over again. We're talking about like six, eight hours of doing this, and that's way too much time for a kid to be doing that. So my grandmother, I think, suggested that I see some kind of child psychologist, because there was something wrong with that, and probably there was. And then as soon as I could play piano, I started doing. My father got paid for one of his gigs, one of his construction gigs with a piano. So he brought the piano home. I remember maybe it was my uncle and my father carrying this upright piano out of the truck into the front of the house. And I lay awake all night long as I remember as much of it as I could with a transistor radio under my ear, one of those little white ones, listening to FM radio. I was listening to all the piano playing that would come on because that's the 70s. And I thought, okay, I'm going to play that in the morning. I'm going to play that in the morning. I got all these things I'm going to play. Then I got up to try to do it 7:00 in the morning. And I couldn't. I was pissed.

[Adam Carolla]

And you were how old?

[Asa Akira]

Maybe seven.

[Adam Carolla]

So you see, I have twins. You have twins as well? I named mine after boxers as well.

[Asa Akira]

Did you?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[G]

That's awesome.

[Asa Akira]

What are the names?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, there's trying to think of two good, funny names.

[Asa Akira]

Sugar Ray and Roberto.

[Adam Carolla]

No. Yeah. I was. I was gonna say the Cobra, but that was funny because Tommy Hearns. Tommy Hearns was called the Hitman. It's a Movie. Tommy Hearns was called the Hitman and the Cobra. Like the Motor City Cobra? Yeah, like as if Hitman not enough in the nickname department. I think he went to Motor City Cobra too.

[Asa Akira]

I think I saw him fight amateur when I was just a little kid before the Olympics.

[Adam Carolla]

He had a lot of amateur fights. Yeah.

[Asa Akira]

And I wet my pants. My father used to take me to some boxing matches and we sit in front row and I always used to be just amazed by the, the sound of it flying off. And I remember just watching and being mesmerized. And then I was like, oh, shit, I just pissed in my pants. Yeah, yeah, there he is.

[Adam Carolla]

John the Beast Mugabe was a good name for a fighter too, but. And so I named my son that. So I have twins. And you know, there's all this discussion. They're five.

[Asa Akira]

Cool.

[Adam Carolla]

How old are your twins?

[Asa Akira]

12.

[Adam Carolla]

Play date?

[Asa Akira]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Inappropriate play date.

[Asa Akira]

Yeah. Well, I can babysit.

[Adam Carolla]

I think, like there's all this discussion of like, oh, you gotta get them interested in X, Y or Z. You gotta get them interested. And I always think to myself, I don't know that you have to get people interested. Like, I don't think no one, no one needed to find a five year old Ben Folds and get him interested in music. I am sort of a wrencher. I love mechanical things. No one needed to get me interested in it. I was interested in it. That's how I was born. And we understand clearly when somebody has a gift for music or a gift for language or a gift for whatever, you don't have to get them interested in it. That'll come to the surface pretty quick. You don't want to stomp it out.

[Asa Akira]

Right, right, right.

[Adam Carolla]

But get Ben a cheap piano and he's off and running, right?

[Asa Akira]

Yeah. I mean, I think, I don't know what causes some kids to be more intense about going into their own world and focusing, but I think that's really more of it than anything. I mean, what music taught me was I had to, if I was going to. I had an example then of following through with something and getting good. Right. And I don't know why I had the will to do that. But I know that my parents were supportive of it. Not really pushy supportive. They were just like, well, if that's what he wants to do, then I guess that's what he wants to do. But no one ever made me practice. I did that myself. But the cool thing about it is you let someone, you let a kid get good at the thing that they think that they should. And then suddenly they have an example of, hey, if I do the work, then I actually get a result. The problem is you make some kid do something they don't want to do and you're not going to get the result. And then the rest of their everything else is just kind of compromised.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, also, you know, there's this retarded cliche where it's like we're all here for a reason and everyone has a gift. And I always think that's such bullshit. Some people are just sitting around speed. They're speed bumps. They're just getting in the way. And they're not here to do something. And we're not all here to do something. We don't all possess a gift or. Look, if you want to count, you know, being a greeter at the Walmart as a gift, then I guess, okay, but not gift in the way you're describing a gift. And that's what makes certain people special. Not everyone gets to be Ben Folds. They don't get to make really incredible music. That's something that. And I don't believe the God had a plan part either. It's just you're wired a certain way. Just like every once in a while there's a guy who's 64 and he's 240 and he can run a 4, 340 and he can take 225 and put it up 29 times. Does he have a gift? Yes. Do we all have that gift? No, we don't have that gift. And there's nothing we can try as hard as we can. We'll never match that guy. He just is that way. And we do understand it physically with athletes, but I don't think we give it enough credit in other artistic departments.

[Asa Akira]

Well, you know, one of the things that I've always felt like was overlooked when people think about why a musician has a career or not. And actually it's physical. Some of it is. I mean, most of it is, of course, what you have to say and does it connect and then your skill. But just simply a lot of guys that I know that aren't successful anymore is because they couldn't do it. Like, they couldn't keep touring. Like literally with something physical. Just like if you watch, you know, if you see a football team, you're seeing the guys that didn't get injured. They're also the best, but you know, they didn't get injured. And for some reason they don't hurt their knees and backs as much as the guys that didn't make it. And I think, you know, like, boxers in their wrists and knuckles and all kinds of things. It's like. It seems like sometimes it's that random. No, because I can play. Like, I play. I play piano really, really hard. And most people who've ever played that way have tendonitis or they have some really serious problem. For some reason, I'm not strong enough to hurt myself. I guess I just never hurt myself.

[Adam Carolla]

No, it happens in sports, and it happens in everything. And, yeah, there's longevity. And. And it's. It's that way in comedy, too. And. And. And then a lot of people do it to themselves. They drink too much, they do drugs, they get whatever. Fat out of shape, their heart goes bad. Whatever. Whatever. Physically. Yeah, it does take a toll as. As, you know, being on the road.

[Asa Akira]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Performing every night. Like, there's a physicality to it. Yeah.

[Asa Akira]

And I seem to be okay with it. And that's part of why I can continue to sort of insist, you know, I'm sort of geared for a longer career in almost every way, and that I've never really had the big, massive hits that become liabilities, you know, so there's no backlash if there's no lash, you know, so you just kind of subtly do your thing. And then you have to also have the. You sort of have to have the fortitude to continue to do it and to repeat yourself. Because although I play a different version of my songs, I still have to go out there and kind of do my catalog. And while that's fine with the audience because they're not hearing it every night, I have to be the kind of person who can actually kind of, like Rain man can put myself in the place to do it. Like, it's the first time. And I think all those things combined together are very, very lucky. But, you know, if some of those things weren't together for me, like, if my hands didn't hold up, I wouldn't be sitting here because I wouldn't be able to play my gigs. And you would listen to Selfless, Golden, Composed, but I wouldn't be traveling to come to talk about it. Right.

[Adam Carolla]

But I would still be listening.

[Asa Akira]

You'd still be listening to it, we think.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, should we take a couple of phone calls? Oh, wait a minute. Maybe we should take a quick break. When we spoke, one of Ben's biggest hits was probably Brick. And I remember when that came out in 98.

[Asa Akira]

Yeah. That's about it.

[Adam Carolla]

And it came on Loveline, and no one knew what Brick was about, but he revealed what it was about on Loveline, I think for the first time, which I was sort of honored. I remember at the time I was honored that you were that forthright on Loveline.

[Asa Akira]

Also announced a divorce by accident on one of your shows.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay. Well, that's.

[Asa Akira]

So I've done two of them.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's take a quick break. We'll come back. We'll take your calls. We'll talk about divorce and abortion and all sorts of happy things right after this. The Adam Carolla show is now Streaming live on Ustream 8pm Pacific Sunday through Thursday. Interact with other listeners and ACE broadcasting crew members in the chat room and get exclusive full episodes you can't see or hear anywhere else. And if you can't watch list live, the shows are archived for 30 days. Just go to Ustream TV. Ben Folds. I have so much respect for this man's ability. Ben Folds going to be playing tonight at the Anaheim House of Blues, Thursday at the Wheel Turn, great venue. And Friday at the Warfield I hear is a great venue in San Francisco. New album is coming out. When is that coming out?

[Asa Akira]

In October sometime.

[Adam Carolla]

And it's a retrospective album. So it's going to have some stuff from The Ben Folds Five.

[Asa Akira]

Yeah, it's just, it spans everything. It's a three CD, 60 song thing. And a good, good portion of it is not released or live recordings. But we really spent a long time getting this together because I didn't want it to be an average, an average retrospective. I wanted it to be a little bit of a revelation about how I got from here to here. And I think it's really good. And then Ben Foltz 5 got together for the first time and 10 years and we recorded three new songs for it.

[Adam Carolla]

How are the guys doing and how do you get along with them?

[Asa Akira]

They're good. I think we get along better now than we did when we were, you know, overworked because, you know, and that we just know none of us ever slept at that time and we never were away from each other. And it was a lot. You know, we were, we were kind of exploited workers in some ways. And now, you know, we just got together and knocked it out.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I find, and you tell me if this is something that you found earlier on before you learned maybe the road and how to travel. You do have to learn how to travel. It takes a while. I mean, it's really like what's in your medicine kit, in your travel kit. It's like that takes a while to work out and travel takes a while and you can tell me, or maybe this is just getting a little cathartic for me. But the guy who's making your schedule isn't on your schedule, he's making your schedule. So he'll do a thing where he'll go, look, we need you to get up at 5 because they're on the east coast and you're going to be on the west coast and it's 8 o'clock their time and you need to do a quick interview and then, oh, oh, you're going to be on your way to the other state. Well, you can call from the car, call from the car when you're going into KTLA to do the live good morning thing. And then they like, and then they start, they start looking for little openings, you know, and you'll go, you go, well, sound checks at 5. Oh, okay. And the show's at 8. Okay, so why don't we call it 7? You can do that. And you're like you're sliding something into every single open slot in the waking day. And when I say waking day, it shouldn't have started till 9. But you started at 5am that's right. And it's just, it starts driving you insane and they're not there with you, they're somewhere else.

[Asa Akira]

No. And then they've got their own things that are probably total challenges too. I think the problem is that you get into the business and we were all in the business for the first time and of course all of us, including our manager, were excited that we actually had an opportunity because we were lucky. And suddenly we have an in and an opportunity. So we're all sort of motivated to say yes to everything because hey, I was bussing tables two months before. We need to really do it. So I was open to it. But then after three or four or five years and yeah, I mean it gets, it gets really rough because you haven't had any time. We were jet lagged for three or four years and no one wants to feel sorry for a performer who's becoming successful because you know, if you're laying bricks and you don't like laying bricks, you know, it's like that guy's playing piano, he should shut up.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh no, believe me, people tell me that, well, I complain, complain about flying first class a lot. So I can complain about anything.

[Asa Akira]

But still I remember telling someone and they were like, boo hoo hoo. I realized that for like three years, one I was jet lagged and second is that I didn't have an opportunity to eat ever until about 7:30 or 8 at night because there was an even time. I mean, I was trying to figure out how I was going to have a sandwich, take a piss, have the phone on my shoulder and wash my hands at the same time. Because it was the only way I could actually get anything done. And we weren't rich and famous enough to have someone doing that for us. So, yeah, we were crazy. We couldn't get along just simply because we hadn't slept.

[Adam Carolla]

I had this weird moment last week where we did the same thing. Like left LA at 5:15 and went to Toronto and stopped over in Denver or something and then got to Toronto and had to go do the show and then the car didn't show up and blah, blah, blah. And we would find ourselves where we realized a day and a half had gone by and we hadn't eaten anything except for airplane food or chips or some bullshit. And it was like. So we said. I said the Borgata gave me a $150 voucher and the show wasn't till 9:00 that night. So it was like 6, 6:30. I said, we're going to Bobby Flay Steakhouse and we're all gonna fucking eat our brains out. Like, this is gonna be awesome. I got $150 voucher. And we all went down there. I was like, give me the biggest steak you got. Give me the potatoes, give me the mashed potatoes. We all fucking stuffed our faces, but we ate. We hadn't eaten in 31 hours. We all did the soup. And then I went back to my room and I was like, the guy was gonna come get me to do the show in 20 minutes. And I was like, food coma. Ah, Jesus Christ. And I was like, all I want to do is undo my pants and lay down. Yeah, I don't even think I can beat off. I'm just gonna lay down. And believe me that that's saying something. And it's like, nap. You're going up on stage doing 90 minutes. I was like, I just. All I wanted to do was just fucking getting a fetal position.

[Asa Akira]

And you can't time the show to when it is that you have any energy or inspiration, but you still feel like, you know, people, people have paid and they've changed their plans and they showed up. And then you've just eaten a steak and you just want to go to sleep. And I mean, you know, it is a weird business. You have to be professional.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the, the thing that's Interesting that I always say it. For me, at least, it's not professional. It's sort of ego, which is, I don't want anyone going home and them going, hey, how was the show? And them going? He kind of stood there a lot and didn't seem like he was kind of mailing it in. Like, I'm sure you don't want anyone going to a Ben Folds concert and going home and going, yeah, now that.

[Asa Akira]

That hurts. Yeah. You want. You don't want to. You have to override your food coma.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Which I did, by the way. So we were talking before we went to break about Brick, which is something we discussed on Loveline a million years ago, which is about abortion. Right. I guess everyone knows that now.

[Asa Akira]

Yeah. I didn't talk about it much at the time because I was. Well, I mean, you know that it's always been a really explosive and manipulated political issue.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Asa Akira]

And you don't really want to. I don't want to put myself in the middle of that. This was a song about what it felt like. That's all. I refused to take a position because I think that's a decision that it's not. It's going to suck, you know? And so that's all that. That's all the song is saying. And I wrote it so fast, and it was the last thing for the record.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Asa Akira]

And I wasn't. You know, I wasn't thinking. I just thought, God, we need another song for the record. And this happened to me in high school or my girlfriend. And I made this decision, and I just thought, okay, well, I'll write about that. And we kicked it out. And then all of a sudden I'm like, oh, shit, this is going to be the single. Now what am I going to do? So I'm calling this girl. I haven't talked to her forever on the phone and trying to explain to her that a fix was in and we were going to have a hit song with this. And we're going, was she okay with that? And her parents and stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

So what do you mean the fix was in?

[Asa Akira]

Well, I think in the 90s, you were told that you were going to have a hit. We knew it was going to be a hit. We knew it was going to be a hit because we knew how much money and how many radio consultants had been put on it. We knew that the head of our label was taking it personally to all the krocs of the world and saying, you're going to play this. And we were doing all these interviews before we went on Saturday Night Live. Saturday Night Live, we knew it was happening. So, yeah, the fix was in. In that we knew we finally had hit. And it was finally. Because the song had actually been released two or three times and flopped.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Asa Akira]

Yeah, this. This song was worked over and over again.

[Adam Carolla]

So it's, It's. It's worked by the PR guys, right? The A and R guys.

[Asa Akira]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So, I mean, it. This is what I always talk about, which is it's a great song, but unless someone's gonna get behind it and make it a hit, then it's probably not gonna be a hit.

[Asa Akira]

Well, you know, they had. I mean, these are people that were pushing this record to radio and so forth, were very, very coordinated about this in a way that I never saw in any of our other songs. And I don't think it's because it was a better song. I just think it was because it was a coordinated effort and they understood that this song was going to be pushed to radio format. That had never played a song like this before.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I heard I'll think of the song, but, I mean, it's not quite Paola, but it's on the. Somewhere in the gray area between Paola and Ivory. I mean, it's putting a lot of money behind something and getting it done, essentially. It's. It's almost like a campaign.

[Asa Akira]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And sometimes it doesn't matter who the candidate is. It just get enough commercial time and it's, It's. It's. This sounds ridiculous because it's a great song. So I just hate it when it happens. A shitty song. Because then I feel like we gotta live for four years with this asshole in office. So I never voted for.

[Asa Akira]

That's right. Yeah. I mean, you know, at the same time, I found it interesting that at the same time this song came out and it was going to go to, like, modern rock radio. And the theory was, is that modern rock had only been playing, like, kind of grungy music and that this was going to be sort of the power ballad of indie rock or something. And this song came out and then suddenly Bittersweet Symphony, which is a great song, came out. And we were both vying for that position of being kind of like the song. Well, they got a Nike commercial and they were off. And that was it. When they got their Nike commercial. Then all of a sudden it was kind of like, okay, well, your numbers have now dropped from 5 to 11 to 18. Because we didn't get something corporate like that. And I'm not Saying that it was as good of a song because Bittersweet Symphony is a brilliant song. But, yeah, I mean, I could feel all those things in that game being played.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you ever have this thought, by the way? What was that phone call like? I mean, you had to call your ex girlfriend and go, hey, look out. But I'm gonna be on Saturday Night Live singing a song.

[Asa Akira]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you feel like you had to tell her? I mean, obviously you did, but you probably could have slipped it past her, right?

[Asa Akira]

Yeah, I just felt. I mean, I don't know, I just felt like I should probably give her a buzz because she's gonna hear the song and she may be the only person that knows what it's about, but it was still raw enough to me to where I felt like I was exploiting something bad that happened and an experience that she had that was bad, and then I was gonna cash in on it. So I just wanted to make it known to her that this was the nature of my business and that I didn't feel I was cashing in on it all. And is it okay if she said no? It wasn't okay. I don't think I was going to be calling Sony up and telling them to pull it, but I just wanted to kind of get her blessing, I suppose.

[Adam Carolla]

How was she about it?

[Asa Akira]

She was very cool with it. I understand that her parents maybe hadn't been for a little while, but she was okay with it. And I think she was probably. People are.

[Adam Carolla]

I think they're pretty resilient.

[Asa Akira]

They're pretty resilient. I think she was cool with, like, hey, that there's a song on the radio and it's some. Somewhat about me. I think that's okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I mean, not as cool as, like, Sharona.

[Asa Akira]

No, that was with it. Layla.

[Adam Carolla]

Layla, yeah. All right. Should we take some phone calls for Ben Folds? Let's hop to the phones. I'll just start at the top. Hey, Cameron, what's going on? Adam, what's going on? You got a question? You got a question for Ben?

[G]

I do, actually.

[Adam Carolla]

Ben, I was just curious as to.

[G]

How you feel about the music pirates, and I'm wondering how it's affected your.

[Adam Carolla]

Music, how it's affected your career. And I've heard that it kind of negatively impacts the industry. And I just want to know from your viewpoint if that's actually true or not.

[Asa Akira]

Well, I. I think piracy was very exciting. I found the whole thing. When there's not much rock and roll going on in rock and roll, then the only Way to kind of stir things up, I guess, is for there to be rock and roll in the distribution, you know. And I thought that that was actually very exciting, that kids were breaking the law. I mean, to me it just meant more people were hearing music. If everyone knew what was in the record contracts in the era that piracy came along, they would realize that it actually wasn't affecting the musicians as much as people made it out. It was affecting the record companies because.

[Adam Carolla]

You weren't making much in the first place.

[Asa Akira]

That's right. We weren't making that much off of the sale of records. And where it began to hurt was that if it's going to take the music business as a whole down, then, yes, it begins to affect it. But what that made me do was think, okay, well this is like 2000. I realized I was signing more burned CDs at that point, then I was signing real CDs. And that's because my audience was very computer savvy. And they would say, is this okay? I said, sure, it's fine. And I wrote letters on behalf of Napster at the time. I thought that they shouldn't have been shut down. And I thought that they should be. Those kids should have been hired by the record industry. I'm not saying it's good to steal shit. I'm just saying that it shook things up. And that's exciting.

[Adam Carolla]

You know whose band didn't have that problem? Dawkin.

[Asa Akira]

Dawkin.

[Adam Carolla]

Not computer savvy.

[Asa Akira]

No, that's right.

[Adam Carolla]

Not that group know how to rock.

[Asa Akira]

But just they can rock.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, can't burn a disc.

[Asa Akira]

No. Well, you know, that's actually exactly what Josh Groban says. He was telling me he recognizes that there are a lot of people that listen to his music that actually they don't download. They buy CDs and that's part of it.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I never really thought about it, but if you're, you know. There you go. No, if you're, you know, they Might Be Giants and you play nerd rock, then you're gonna have a guy who's pretty handy around a Macintosh.

[Asa Akira]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And there's a very good chance he's gonna find your music online or via the Macintosh or whatever versus go down and buy the cd versus Barbra Streisand or somebody. Or trying to think Perry Como.

[Asa Akira]

Well, there's also kind of a little bit of a.

[Adam Carolla]

Or Perry Dawkin, which is Dokken's brother who broke off and did his own thing in the mid-80s.

[Asa Akira]

I thought he was their Manager.

[Adam Carolla]

He did for a while. Then he got fed up and had to rock himself.

[Asa Akira]

Yeah, but the other thing funny about that, I think, is that nerdy guys with big words who can use computers, they're also much more willing to show up and do stuff for free because maybe they don't need to. It's like R and B music. Most of those guys like rap producers. I've inquired like, maybe we could work together to do something. They have to get paid a lot now. If you call up indie rocker guy with massive vocabulary and glasses that look like mine, they're going to just do it for free. And I'm not really sure why that is, but none of us nerds ever really mind about the downloading. Maybe that's because we never thought that we would be hurting for money or something. I'm not sure why.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I have two thoughts about this, and they've changed. One is this idea that it's free is always sort of bullshit because it's like, no, that's your business. And studio time, recording time engineers. It's a business. It does cost. It costs money to do what you do. So it's not free. Just like nothing's for free. There's no difference between stealing a hamburger and stealing a song. It's either a buck 99 or it's not. You know, it's not really that. Something you can't touch with your hands. And by the way, this has gone on forever. I mean, the guy who wrote the theme song to the Tonight show got paid for a long time because he wrote the theme song to the Tonight Show.

[Asa Akira]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

That'S fine. The other part of it is each person that grabs a Ben Folds song or even a Dawkins song and shares it with somebody else is one more potential Ben Folds Dawkin fan who go out when you open for Dawkin and see you guys, I mean, it's like, you know, I mean, maybe you're giving it away. On the other hand, we give this podcast away just to get more people to listen. And we don't feel like we're losing money because they're listening to it for free. We want them to listen to it for free.

[Asa Akira]

Well, that was the business side of me that recognized really early on that that people were more excited about music because more people were hearing it. And if you couldn't count them, then that was driving your business people crazy because you're like, how many people are listening? Well, I don't know. But when I would release a record and then no One's bought the record yet and everyone in the crowd is singing the words, you know, they didn't pay for it, but guess what? They just bought your ticket to go see you live. That's never been a problem to me, but I think that it has caused a problem in the business eventually because the people who had invested in the record part of the business weren't getting their money back. So now they have kind of climbed on the live concert ship and they're trying to sink that now. And I think that's a problem.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, how are they trying to sync that?

[Asa Akira]

Well, just by getting involved in it. Like those 360 deals that started about five years ago for record company and companies that aren't used to dealing with live concerts, to join in on it and try to participate in it means they're driving the ticket price up and they're trying to get involved in something that. That they're actually not contributing to.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they're beak wetters and the town is filled with them. Yeah, it's that thing where we have the same problem. It's like people go, hey, man, this a $44 ticket, but it costs $56. When they're done tacking on all the extra bullshit cost to it, and then they look at you and go, what the fuck?

[Asa Akira]

I get tweets all the time that say, what kind of asshole charges this much money for a ticket?

[Adam Carolla]

But we do everything. Yeah, I mean, I gotta be honest. Sorry.

[Asa Akira]

That's all right, that's all right. We'll put you on the guest list after that. But you don't have to call me an asshole on my Twitter.

[Adam Carolla]

I was drunk.

[Asa Akira]

That's all right.

[Adam Carolla]

I already apologized.

[Asa Akira]

That's okay, move on. But yeah, turn the page. But yeah, I mean, we don't really have all that much control over that. We were able to keep our ticket prices down before so many people got involved.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the other thing that people do not realize is they do a math. And that math is insane. Which is they go, okay, so Ben Folds is going to play the Wiltern theater. So that's 2,000 people. And he's charging 40 bucks a ticket. So that's $80,000. Now, all right, figure give 10 grand to the Wiltern. And so Ben Folds walks out of there with 50 grand. And it's like, it's like, no, no, no. The Wiltern and their crazy ass unions get a huge chunk of that money. Like, it is ungodly how much money they need to do or really, I don't know. If they need it or they just want it. But what kind of chunk they take out of that thing, it's not nearly what you think it was.

[Asa Akira]

It's not. And then you're traveling with, you know, you're traveling with a moving house with people who you've got on retainer because they've got kids, and you're trying to take care of everyone at the same time. It's not nearly what people think it is. You know what really sucks is a lot of my career has been sustained by university gigs. Because universities have these massive.

[Adam Carolla]

University gigs are great because they don't need to make their money back, right?

[Asa Akira]

They have to spend it so they can spend it next year. That's the way it works.

[Adam Carolla]

Promoters, there's a math. It's like, all right, the wheel turn costs $35,000 if you want to get it for the night. And then this guy's got to get paid that much, and that guy's got to get paid this much. And if I don't put asses in every one of those seats, I'm not going to make any money tonight. And, like, they're very mechanical about the. Universities are like, hey, man, we got 25 grand just burning a hole in our pocket. You want to come on down? And they're like, should we advertise? No, no, no, just come on down. How much you going to charge? Nothing. Or $4 or something. I don't know. $5 for students and $3 for townies. Whatever. Come on down, take the money. Yeah, they don't give a shit.

[Asa Akira]

Those are great. And that really kept me going for years because those didn't need to be. I didn't need to do press on these things. You would just go and play. And actually, word of mouth was so good for me at universities that we were packing them, which is actually kind of rare for those kind of gigs. The problem is that with the economy not not being kind of what people would like to see, the faculties of a lot of universities have jumped in and pointed out that this is a waste of money. So there's a political movement to make sure that if you play. Like, I've played gigs where I've been sitting in the taxi cab on the way to the university, and the guy will be looking, and the front page has, like, my picture and it says, university still wasting money on rich rock stars. And they say, how much you made on it? To try to kind of create a political sort of issue out of it. And I'm sitting in the cab Looking at my face, the guy's going, hey you. That asshole is taking all our money. And it pisses people off. But that really kept us going. I mean that, that paid for my recordings during times that we couldn't afford to record. I go out and tour universities, we go in and make a record because I had to make a lot of records for free. If I was going to do what I wanted to do, I just had to do it.

[Adam Carolla]

How about. I know there's money in like publishing and I don't know, you know, scoring things, for instance. It seems like that would be a perfect fit for you, Danny Elfman esque. Like movies, TV show theme songs, things like that.

[Asa Akira]

Yeah, I'd like to do it. I think I musically could do it. You wouldn't think so, but I think my disposition has maybe gotten in the way sometimes in those. Because there is a lot of sort of navigating conference calls and sort of kind of working by committee. And I had a little problem with that. And I'd like to. I don't like to say that in an interview because I want someone to be listening to Los Angeles and say, hey, I'd like to hire him to score my movie. But I think it needs to be a certain kind of movie is the first thing. And there's a science to it and I haven't. And an art to it and I haven't really learned it.

[Adam Carolla]

But you want the autonomy. I mean the clusterfuck conference calls, just.

[Asa Akira]

Like it's tough because, you know, they're usually working with someone who doesn't have their name, doesn't. For instance, if I compromise my ideas and I make something that's just supporting the character and like, you know, I'm doing something to kind of reveal something about a character and I'm having to do things that aren't really me, then people who listen to my music are going to go, oh, I'm going to buy the soundtrack to that because that's Ben Foles. And they buy and they're like, what the fuck is he doing? That doesn't sound like him at all. So I have to be aware of kind of being myself, where if I wasn't someone who made records, it would be easier because then once they say we need nine yards of this crap, I could go, yeah, I can do that. And you go pound out some crap. But I don't want to compromise sort of my reputation by making music that is not something I would listen to, if that makes sense.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, makes perfect sense. Alright, let's take another phone call for Ben Folds. Hey, Paul.

[G]

Hey, what's up?

[Adam Carolla]

What's going on? Calling from Eugene, Oregon. What's going on? 27 year old Paul. Hey. Well, this is absolutely surreal for me.

[G]

Because Adam, you're by far my favorite comedian, and Ben, you're by far my favorite musician. So it's weird listening to you two talk together. I feel like my best friend from high school is hanging out with my best friend from college. And I'm not there to kind of get in between you guys.

[Adam Carolla]

But I'm glad you're getting along well. Ben is my favorite musician and I'm my favorite comedian. So we know what you're going through right now.

[G]

That's why you're my favorite comedian.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you, Paul. Go ahead.

[G]

So, Ben, I, you know, I've heard almost everything you've ever recorded, even some underground stuff. And so I'm pretty familiar with your songwriting. And you know, it's no secret that you, you write a lot of songs with fictional names in them and you also write a lot of songs from the first person perspective that are fictionalized, including my favorite song of yours, which is selfless, cold and composed. And I was just wondering.

[Adam Carolla]

What a shocker.

[G]

Yeah, it's a great one. And I was just wondering if both of those things were intentional or if that's what pops into your head or how that works.

[Asa Akira]

I don't know. I mean, I don't tend to analyze it as much as one might think until sort of after the fact. And you know, after some time passes, I kind of come to the conclusion that the third person is to disarm is to disarm the listener. Maybe. I mean, it's so that you don't. Well, in the first place, I'm reacting probably to everything that came before me. And there's a lot of I, I, I. I remember reading once that when someone says I me my, those things that, that your blood pressure actually detectably goes up, maybe the people around you, you don't want to hear about you all the time. And if you talk about someone else, you can talk about yourself without feeling. Without feeling. Like it's all to paint a character just makes it more. To me, it makes it more interesting. But I don't know. I mean, I like I too, but I like to save the eyes for the time. Like one song I wrote is very, very real and very true. And it's, it's kind of serious, but I wrote it from the point of view of a Japanese businessman screwing a high school girl. At a karaoke bar. And I did that because I knew that the Japanese, the culture swap, would disarm people and they wouldn't take it as such a bummer, you know, when it is, but it gives you a chance to listen to it, I guess. I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, John. Oh, wait, did I have him up? Oh, wait. Oh, it's a different dude. He hung up. Screw you. I think we hung up on him. I take one more call. Avi.

[G]

Get it on.

[Adam Carolla]

Get it on.

[G]

Paul, put it best. I mean, I've been a fan of both of you guys for such a long time. Adam, I'm dying to come out to LA to see you live. Ben, I've seen you like seven times in concert and actually performed Cigarettes at my junior high school choir concert. I've been a fan of yours for a long time.

[Asa Akira]

Thanks, man.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[G]

What I wanted to ask was I've seen you several times. The last time I saw you was when you got back together with Darren and Sledge for the Ben Folks 5 reunion concert. I flew out from El Paso for that. It was such a great concert.

[Asa Akira]

Thanks.

[G]

Such a unique concert too, playing Reinhold Messner front to back in front of the crowd like that. And you guys like came back and played some more, some more of your old songs. And I was wondering if there was any plans to release that on DVD or something because it was such. Everybody that went had such a positive experience and I'd love to just own that high quality version rather than logging on to MySpace and watching it.

[Asa Akira]

I think that there's the economics behind it going to render that probably a no, not a project because apparently what I'm told is that at this point they don't really sell many DVDs on things like that, so they don't tend to make them, which is, I think, too bad because we were really excited about it. But we took the tracks. We just recently mixed one song from the encore and one song from the middle of the show from the Reinhold section. And those are going on the live CD that we're releasing. It's pretty exciting just to listen to it without seeing it, especially since we were able to actually kind of control the balance in the mix a little more than we were when it was just being broadcast live.

[Adam Carolla]

It's frustrating when people say, I want this from you, and you go, I'd like to give it to you, but it just doesn't make sense economically. And they. And you, once in a while you'll talk to somebody and go, hey, could we release this? And they'll go, what for? And you'll go, because this one guy wanted it. And they'll go, all right, tell them to fuck off.

[Asa Akira]

I know you have to take those things on as personal sort of. You know, the things I do, whether it's releasing vinyl when it's obviously not going to make you a lot of money or all the records. I mean, I made an acapella record of all university groups. I've made different versions of, of records, of written songs I called fake songs. Put out all these albums that are just, they're not going to make any money. And I have to just take that on and go, okay, for the next three weeks I'm going to put in a lot of time and I'm never going to see any money for this. And then you jump. Then I make money doing other things. But this is a time in an era where you have to do things because you're passionate about it.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, let me ask you this, Ben. Let me challenge you for a moment. Now there are those folks that, you know, they put the, they get in the goth outfits and they put the eyeliner on and they put the bone through their nose.

[Asa Akira]

I was drunk.

[Adam Carolla]

Get all the tattoos going and then they go, hey man, no one will hire me. And it becomes a sort of self fulfilling prophecy. And there's a part of you that you realize they don't want to be hired or they don't feel physically attractive, so they're going to repel people or whatever it is when it comes. And your guy does a lot of really interesting projects. But what if somebody said to you, I don't need another interesting project, I need a hit? Yeah, I need a full fledged hit here. Would you feel intimidated or would you feel like I'm going to take this challenge on? And do you ever feel like, are you hiding behind your interesting projects? I know that sounds quasi insulting, but I mean where you just go sort of like some guy says, I just want to play little smoky blues joints because I don't want to go to an amphitheater.

[Asa Akira]

You don't want to? No, it's true. It is much more of. It's a greater risk to try to do something that is going to be successful. And I think that it is much less risky and it's nice because there are lower expectations and you can just do it. But I think you need the experience of both of going into the studio and recording when there's no expectations. Sometimes things happen that you would never guess and you can carry that confidence into these days. If you're going to make a, quote, hit, the amount of makeup that you're talking about putting on what you do and the scrutiny that goes behind it is enough to ruin music. But I think if you're going to take that on, you have to have come from a project that you love doing. So you go, wait a minute, this has to feel good too. So I think both is important. And I always like to take chances. I mean, every. On trying to be more successful with my music. I think every couple albums I involve a producer and I put myself through a process that I think everyone else is. And we go for it and we try to get a hit and it usually doesn't happen.

[Adam Carolla]

How about musicals? Because that was something where, you know, the door was close to guys like you 10 years ago or maybe even three years ago or something. But now Green Day's doing their thing and everyone's doing their thing. Matt and Trey are doing their thing. Like, I feel like that would be a nice marriage for you because of your lyrics and because your storytelling and because your musicality. It seems like Broadway, or at least somewhere near Broadway would be a nice, I don't know, maybe the next hurdle or the next challenge or something. I'm sure it's come up before.

[Asa Akira]

Oh, I've been approached by most of the major Broadway producers since 1995. That first record came out. I've done meetings with all those people. We've talked about it and we've started projects sometimes and I've even gotten into. I've started like full fledged into two projects and just stop. I don't know why I keep stopping. It's not them, it's me. I get into it and then suddenly I feel like, God, we're just like breaking into a music. This sucks. And I can't get my head around it. And I think some of it is that maybe I feel like what I've been trying to achieve in my music is to have the musical built into it. Kind of like meatloaf. Like you might not want to make a musical of a meatloaf song because it kind of already is. It is that. And you're making that in your head. So I have to come around to this idea that there's something about that format that's going to illuminate my songs in a way that I don't feel is happening. And maybe I'm thinking too much about it, but I've gotten into it several times and right now we're talking about another one. And I've watched everyone else get into it. What I think is late in the game, because I've been thinking about this stuff since 95, but we just haven't.

[Adam Carolla]

Done it well, you know, there's. That. There's sometimes a little chasm between what you think is hokey or bad or weak and what the audience likes. And I don't mean. I don't mean, you know, John Q. Public. I mean, even your audience, like, I.

[Asa Akira]

They'd be okay with stuff that I might think that was dodgy.

[Adam Carolla]

Not even okay. Like, they could dig it. I did a table read today at Fox for some animated show I'm working on, and it was like 18 pages of stuff. And I remember there was a bunch of. There was stuff in it that I just. I was like, that's lame. Like, I don't want it. There's gonna be 30 people sitting in the room, and I'm not gonna try to pull this joke off because it's a lame joke.

[Asa Akira]

And it worked.

[Adam Carolla]

And. Yeah, and I was saying to my writing partner, let's just exit out and I'll skip past it. And they're like, it's in their script. They're gonna be reading along. Just do it. And I'm like, I don't. Feels weak. And then they're laughing. You know what I mean? And then they start laughing, and then you go, maybe I shouldn't have been so rough on myself. It's not as lame as I thought. Maybe you've prelaimed yourself out of the game in a weird way. Like, I think that's the whole. I think the whole thing with a lot of successful people is they go, this is fucking awesome. And then you're listening to it and you're going, well, that's not that awesome. But their personal momentum has fooled enough people to make them rich. And, I mean, your lame O meter is probably pretty sensitive.

[Asa Akira]

I may self edit too much. I may think about these things a bit too much sometimes. I mean, I've worked with so many musicians that after every take there's high fives and they're like, yeah, we're the shit, man. That was great. I don't do that. I mean, I wish I did, because you can see how the enthusiasm of that carries over. And you can also see that they allow things to happen that I was always the grump with. Various people I've worked with as they're like, yeah, that's great. And I don't know, is it. Is that great? I don't think so. And I don't think that's healthy. Like, really, I. I don't know if it's. If it's. If it's hurt my music or not, but no, no, I wish I didn't do that.

[Adam Carolla]

It doesn't hurt your music. It hurts your career. Like, I know. I know plenty of people that are a little bit short on talent, but they're fucking long on, hey, man, it's me. Yeah, and I'm. I'm gonna fucking rock you. And that goes a long way.

[Asa Akira]

You're right.

[Adam Carolla]

And most people aren't really sophisticated enough to hear things at your level, but they are sophisticated enough or not sophisticated enough to feel that personal momentum. Yeah, my shit doesn't stink. Look out, world, I'm taking you by storm.

[Asa Akira]

Well, they get excited because they did it. And I do remember that a little more before I was even making records. I remember hearing these. The excitement of doing something and it comes out of speaker and you go, man, that's me. That's the shit. That's great. But I don't see how you can keep doing that. I hear the things. I guess I'm listening for something else. I don't really know. It's not that I'm terminally unhappy with what I do because I don't let it go unless I'm happy with it. But I don't hit that high five point.

[Adam Carolla]

No. I'm starting to feel like we are kindred spirits here, which is there's no real highs and there's no real lows either. At least for me. I don't want to put words in your mouth. There's just sort of life. And when things go like they should go, like at the end of a show when everyone clashes, relief. And it's a sense of, well, that's why I'm here. Like, that's why they paid their money. I'm supposed to do this.

[Asa Akira]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And unfortunately, that sort of leaves a sort of a world full of basically fives and sixes and then. And then the occasional fuck up where like, you're like, fuck, I fucked that up.

[Asa Akira]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

But there you never. It's. It's sort of unfair because you never experience the highs, but you will occasionally experience the I fucked that up.

[Asa Akira]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Which isn't fair because it should even out for every one of the. I fucked that up. You should get a. Let's up top. That was awesome. And I don't know, I mean, that's probably a wiring and you're probably that way most your life, it's not like there's a car accident that knocked that out of you. That's just how you're wired. It's what makes you an interesting artist. But it also probably doesn't let you explain. Experience it in a way that other people are experiencing it.

[Asa Akira]

Yeah, no, I think there is, unfortunately. I don't know if I want to say disconnect. Like I'm having a different experience when I'm making music and all of a sudden everyone else is like. Is either stupid because they don't understand or they actually get it. And I don't. I think we're basically on the same page. But the reason I like live music is because I feel like when. When you're doing it, you feel it and you know it's there. The audience feels at the same time, and that's the success. Not how high it goes or low, but just the fact that it is working. And you don't know that about recordings. And I think that's the tough thing because you just don't know that you do it and you don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

Ben folds in studio. And Ben can be found at the Wheel turn. He can be found at the. Where in San Francisco you playing again? Where the hell did my piece of paper go?

[Asa Akira]

The Warfield.

[Adam Carolla]

Ah, Warfield. That's right. And of course tonight, Anaheim House o Blues. And you can check out Ben if you want to find out where he's going to be, tour dates, all that kind of stuff. And go on the website, BenFolds.com you can Twitter him Enfolds. Ben, I got one more little plug to do for one of our fine, fine sponsors. Go to my PC. You're on the road a lot, right? Ben, play a little traveling music for me. Thank you. Go to my PC. IPads are great, aren't they, Ben? Enjoy your iPad. I hear what you're saying though, but if you had an iPad, you'd enjoy the bejesus out of that bad boy, wouldn't you? I'll tell you, you can be alone in your hotel room and enjoy just a little too much. Ben, I need you here full time for these reeds. Playing. Playing the 88s for good. Are there 88 keys on that? No. How many? Oh, really? So they condense it down. Jeez, what the fuck do I know? Hey, play a little more music. A little more. A little more. Oh, okay. I'm talking about. Go to my PC for iPad. Brought to you by Citrix. Turns your iPad into your computer. Work on Any program, save, edit, send any file. This week you can win an iPad, too. That's right. Free. Yeah, that's right. You can win one and you can get the free service. Go to my PC. One year. One year of Go to my PC Free. Check out the Go to my PC video on our homepage and follow the instructions. I'm going to pick a winner on July 26th. Try go to my PC free. 45 days for free. Ben. 45. Free. Free man. Free. Free daddy. O. Free baby. Yeah. That's what I'm talking about. Download the app. That's right. Go to my PC down. Try it Free. Use the promo code, Adam. That's right. Thanks, Ben. Oh, the great Ben Folds, everyone. Come back here and say, boy, no. Play a little more Groupon. You want to support the show? What about supporting the show? How about supporting the show? Won't you be mine? See if you can stump. Let's play a little Stump the band. Ben, you play. You play something. Play some popular themes and see if I can get them. You don't know any. Sorry, I'll keep going. You can use a Groupon link. Damn. Don't that one. Yeah. Nutcracker, Peanuts. All right. Just take that old record off the shelf. Yeah. Ben Folds, everyone. Also, Amazon. You want to support the show, use the Amazon link on our website. It's right above the Groupon link. And again, if you want to support the show, go to AdamCarolla.com, hit the links. Ace Hotel, Palm Springs tomorrow night. Irvine Improv Sunday night. And House of Blues, Las Vegas on the 6th. Borderline Thousand Oaks on the 12th. And what can I say? I love me some Ben Folds. Even if sometimes he doesn't love himself enough. Ben Folds, everybody. You know what I'm talking about, brother. We're gonna hug it out after the show. Website. Benfolds.com. just go there. He's doing his own thing, man, bringing the music to you. And you want to find out the dates, you just go to. Ben foulds. Ben, always a pleasure.

[Asa Akira]

Thanks.

[Adam Carolla]

A delight. And until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Ben Folds saying mahalo.

[Giovanni]

All right, this is Adam Coel Show 614 with Ben Folds finally in studio. Hope you guys enjoyed that. Is it for Cola classics. Until tomorrow, mahalo. And get it on.

[Adam Carolla]

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[Ben Folds]

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[Asa Akira]

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[Ben Folds]

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Ben Folds]

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Ben Folds]

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[Asa Akira]

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