Ben Folds + Jo Koy (Carolla Classics)

Summary

Episode Summary: The Adam Carolla Show – "Ben Folds + Jo Koy (Carolla Classics)"

Release Date: December 7, 2024
Guests: Ben Folds, Jo Koy
Featuring: Brian Bishop, Gina Grad

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1. Introduction to Carolla Classics

Brian Bishop: [01:34] "Welcome to Corolla Classics, I'm your host, superfan Giovanni. This is the podcast where we play the best moments, highlights, and fans' favorite clips from all 15 years of The Adam Carolla Show."

Brian introduces a segment dedicated to showcasing memorable moments from past episodes, emphasizing exclusivity available through Adam Carolla's Substack. He invites listeners to request specific clips by emailing [e-mail].

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2. Brian Bishop’s Journey Through Cancer Treatment

Adam Carolla: [02:29] "Brian, you had your treatment today."

Brian Bishop: [02:31] "I had treatment today. I am in week six out of six. This is the final week of treatment."

Adam and Brian engage in a heartfelt conversation about Brian's completion of his final week of simultaneous chemotherapy and radiation therapy.

Gina Grad: [03:23] "How do you feel?"

Brian Bishop: [02:58] "Psychologically, I'm excited for the end of treatment and my upcoming wedding in a couple of weeks. Emotionally, I'm really buoyed by the fact that I'll be done soon."

They discuss the physical and psychological impacts of treatment, with Gina and Adam injecting humor to lighten the mood.

Brian Bishop: [04:02] "Kiwis are good. And then the high fiber cereal every day."

Gina shares remedies for chemotherapy-induced constipation, revealing personal strategies that brought her relief.

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3. Navigating Parenthood and Family Life

The conversation shifts to parenting challenges and family dynamics during Brian's treatment.

Adam Carolla: [06:44] "People are dealing with all sorts of shit, you know? Constipation seems to be what you get whenever your schedule's thrown off."

They humorously discuss the trials of managing family responsibilities amidst health struggles, including anecdotes about children's bathroom habits and maintaining household routines.

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4. Dealing with Bureaucratic Obstacles: The Airplane Baggage Incident

Adam Carolla: [19:39] "I never know what the day will bring, so I use Microsoft 365 to stay on schedule..."

Adam recounts a frustrating experience with airline regulations preventing takeoff due to an empty baggage compartment that wouldn't latch, despite there being no luggage inside.

Adam Carolla: [20:29] "We stop being able to think for ourselves. We have rules and blah, blah, blah. Hey, what was that story where the stewardess scolded your alcohol intake?"

The trio critiques the rigidity of airline policies, advocating for common sense over blanket regulations.

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5. Interaction with Guests: Ben Folds and Jo Koy

The episode features engaging interactions with musical guest Ben Folds and comedian Jo Koy.

Ben Folds: [73:00] "We were just doing talent shows around Boston, and through a connection, we met Donnie Wahlberg..."

Ben shares insights into his early career, forming bands, and the challenges of maintaining authenticity in the music industry.

Jo Koy: [70:52] "I love you guys every day..."

Jo discusses his experiences balancing parenting with a hectic touring schedule, highlighting the importance of family support.

Notable Moments:

• Discussion on Authenticity in Creative Work:
  Ben Folds: [73:45] "It's like people looking at high school pictures. You sort of like, oh, my God, what was I thinking?"

• Humorous Parenting Anecdotes:
  Jo Koy: [163:34] "Chubby girls are always down to fuck."

The guests and hosts exchange humorous and candid stories, blending personal experiences with sharp comedic insights.

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6. Addressing Listener Comments and Social Issues

The show briefly touches on sensitive topics such as racism and police interactions, sparked by listener tweets and real-life incidents.

Adam Carolla: [94:28] "I have to tell you, this has been part of the narrative shift, but the way to save more folks is to really focus on complying."

They advocate for practical solutions over divisive narratives, emphasizing personal responsibility and mutual respect.

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7. Lighthearted Banter and Closing Remarks

As the episode nears its end, Adam engages in playful banter with guests, sharing amusing stories and teasing upcoming projects.

Adam Carolla: [121:12] "Just throw a party at your house twice a year. It'll force you to clean out the dump."

They wrap up with promotions for upcoming shows, merchandise, and sponsorships, maintaining the show's signature blend of humor and relatability.

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Notable Quotes:

• Ben Folds: [73:45] "It's like people looking at high school pictures. You sort of like, oh, my God, what was I thinking?"

• Jo Koy: [163:34] "Chubby girls are always down to fuck."

• Adam Carolla: [20:29] "We stop being able to think for ourselves. We have rules and blah, blah, blah."

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Conclusion:

In this "Carolla Classics" episode, Adam Carolla skillfully balances humor with poignant discussions about personal struggles, parenting, and societal issues. The inclusion of guests Ben Folds and Jo Koy enriches the conversation, providing diverse perspectives and entertaining anecdotes. The episode exemplifies the show's trademark blend of candidness, comedy, and insightful commentary, making it a memorable installment for both long-time listeners and newcomers alike.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you love comedy, you're comedy fans. That's why you're listening to this podcast. And the funniest comedians in the world are on tour right now and you can get tickets to see them live near you. So they're traveling and you're bringing the mountain to Mohammed. They're coming to your town. You don't have to go to their town to see them. And they got huge names in comedy. Otsuko Okotsuka is coming out. Maybe not a household name, but I bet if you're listening, you know comedy, you love Otsuko. Bill Burr. Well, there's a guy you know, Sebastian Maniscalco is coming to town near you. And so many more. All kinds of shows, all kinds of venues, all kinds of funny. So head to livenation.comcomedy to get your tickets today. That's live nation.com comedy. And get caught up on all the comedy. I never know what the day will bring, so I use Microsoft 365 to stay on schedule, get organized and collaborate on plans with family and friends. It helps me tackle to dos, track projects and focus on what's important. Click or tap the banner to learn more about Microsoft 365.

[Brian Bishop]

Welcome to Corolla Classics. I'm your host, superfan Giovanni. This is the podcast where we play the best moments, highlights and fans like the clips from all 15 years of the Adam Crolla Show. We have a separate podcast titled Crolla Classics. The archives are exclusively available through Adam Crolla's substack. You can find them ad free along with other ad free and early releases for various shows on the network including the brand new show Beat it out with Adam Kroll and Jay Moore. Check out the substack and subscribe. If you'd like to request a clip, Please email us classicsamcrola.com youm request it, I'll find it. We'll play it now onto the clips. For the first clip today we have Adam Kroll Show 68, Teresa Strasser and Brian Bishop once again recreating that early format that day and date once a week news format that everyone loved so much and craved. Especially in the early days of the podcast when they're mostly banked one on one episodes primarily aired in sequence, but still not the same thing as a day and date episode like the old morning show everybody was so used to. This is Adam Cole show 68. Hope you guys enjoy.

[Adam Carolla]

Brian, you had your treatment today.

[Brian Bishop]

I had treatment today. I am in week six out of six. This is the final week of Treatment?

[Adam Carolla]

You had the radiation today?

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. Correct.

[Adam Carolla]

You stopped the chemo?

[Brian Bishop]

No, the chemo goes till the end of the week and the radiation and chemo run simultaneously.

[Adam Carolla]

And is it chemo? Sorry? Is it radiation every day, Doctor?

[Brian Bishop]

Yep. I do radiation five days a week, Monday through Friday at the same time. 11am and chemo every night. Seven days a week. I do that same time every night.

[Adam Carolla]

How do you feel?

[Brian Bishop]

I feel.

[Adam Carolla]

It's funny.

[Brian Bishop]

This is the worst I felt, symptom wise, you know what I mean? I stumble around a lot and I get dizzy and I feel like. Theresa mentioned I'm speaking better. I feel like I said my words worse than I do. But psychologically, I'm excited for the end of treatment and I feel really good about being done soon. And so mentally, I'm really buoyed, really emotionally buoyed by the fact that I'll be done soon and I got my wedding couple weeks and this is exciting.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Your speech sounds fine.

[Gina Grad]

You sound better than last week.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. I think your walking is worse than it was last week. You seem a little more deliberate. If you saw Brian walking as sort of, I think, older guy who just took a shit.

[Gina Grad]

Sure, yeah, Maybe like Carl in the movie Up.

[Brian Bishop]

Ironically, I have constipation problems too.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really? You and me both.

[Brian Bishop]

That was a major side effect.

[Gina Grad]

It is of radiation.

[Brian Bishop]

Of chemo.

[Adam Carolla]

Of chemo, yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Do you want to know what I did?

[Brian Bishop]

Tell me. Yes, Teresa, I would like to know what you did.

[Gina Grad]

Actually, we have some similar symptoms.

[Brian Bishop]

I would like to know very badly what you did.

[Gina Grad]

This is so gross. Because. Remember when I had the hemorrhoid originally? Because the constipation leads to the hemorrhoid and that's what you want to avoid.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You want to avoid that.

[Gina Grad]

Kiwis are good. And then the high fiber cereal every day.

[Brian Bishop]

Really?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

In like two weeks, I kicked it.

[Brian Bishop]

They had me on one laxative, then a second one, then a third one, and the third one they said. The doctor said this is supposed to be explosive. And I said, I'm waiting for that. That would be nice.

[Adam Carolla]

Explosive.

[Brian Bishop]

It would be nice.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, how many days did you put together without.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, God, it's about. I'm working on once every three days. But the once, it's a misleading fact because the once you go every three days is not satisfying.

[Adam Carolla]

Not satisfying.

[Brian Bishop]

You know what I mean?

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I talked to Dr. Drew about this once and actually I have a couple theories about Dr. Drew. One is I know he has venereal warts because he always Told me, here's what I know about Dr. Drew. He shits once a month, and he's covered with veneer. Venereal warts. Because he's told me many times, like, everyone has venereal warts. Everyone, Everyone. Anyone living in an urban center has. Everyone.

[Brian Bishop]

Like, he's the person who hits that too hard.

[Adam Carolla]

Has he just kept hitting how everyone had it, number one and then number two. I've always told him I am as regular as anybody can be. I mean, I'm good for three constitutions a day, like clockwork. And he's like, that's note that doesn't make you any healthier than someone that goes three times a week. I always heard that if you're really regular that way, that was a healthy thing. And he said, no, that's just your schedule. That's your ass schedule.

[Brian Bishop]

Healthy, maybe. Happy, yes.

[Adam Carolla]

But no different the three times a week versus three times a day, according to Drew, who I now know does. Three times or less a week.

[Gina Grad]

Well, it's hard to get that poop out with those.

[Adam Carolla]

When you're shedding all that virus. Yes.

[Gina Grad]

When you've got viral shedding going on every goddamn day.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Who shed all the virus on the toilet seat?

[Gina Grad]

It wasn't me.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't go in there because I don't poop. So. Yeah. So even if it's every few days, I don't think it's bad for you. I think at some point we got caught up into this, sort of. You had to clean yourself out constantly. And it makes sense. Walking around like a pinata stuffed with shit doesn't seem like a good way to go. But evidently, doesn't make a difference.

[Brian Bishop]

You know yourself, so you know your own routine. So once it gets changed, you're like, oh, this isn't right. I'm off my schedule. And plus, I'm eating the same as I was, if not more beforehand, so I should be processing things faster, and it's not happening.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, it's not a good feel. It's that bloaty feeling. It's not good.

[Brian Bishop]

But along with my symptoms, I look at it as like, well, this is something that'll clear up in a week or two. You know, it'll start to clear up in a week or two.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I don't want to drive the ass talk into the ground, but I always wondered how the suppository works, because it seems like I can't shit. So I'm going to shove a cork up my ass. Like, what? I mean, I understand the part where you drink some Metamucil but you packing some wadding up your ass when you can't take a shit already. Doesn't seem like a great strategy.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, more up there. Not a solution.

[Adam Carolla]

My daughter couldn't.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, boy.

[Adam Carolla]

Could do that. And kids really get upset. And, you know, it's funny because you find them, they're somewhere between hitting the toilet and kind of knowing it's wrong or, you know, they're wearing like their pull ups or something, but they go stand behind things. They sort of hide a little. And they stand behind like bar stools and stuff, and they sort of hide behind things and then they look upset. And you were going, what are you doing Just standing there sort of gritting your teeth. It's like, she's trying to take a shit and she can't take a shit. So then you start trying to, you know, have to treat them like dogs. Like, you have to start working shit into their bottle and start working stuff in. But eventually the suppository was attempted.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, boy.

[Adam Carolla]

And said it. It was said to have popped out again. Then Molly ate it. So. No, Molly didn't eat it. But the. The thing is, I was saying is, well, don't they have laxatives for kids? And they're like, well, the doctor says if you drink some prune juice. And I said, no, no, I mean, like a pill that you give to a kid, she's like, well, if you eat some Metamucil. No, I mean drugs for a kid. Yeah, just break one in half or something. Doesn't Flintstones make something?

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, shit stones.

[Adam Carolla]

Shit stones ever.

[Brian Bishop]

That's what I do these days.

[Gina Grad]

That is the worst feeling.

[Adam Carolla]

So you get. The constant constipation. Seems to be what you get whenever your schedule's thrown off. Like whenever you throw a curveball at your colon, it just goes, you know what? Yeah. I don't know if this is chemo. I don't know if it's pregnancy. I don't know if it's turbulence or travel. But you know what? I'm not gonna shit for a couple of years.

[Gina Grad]

Your colon cannot hit the curve. Your colon cannot hit J.

[Brian Bishop]

It only takes a fastball hitter.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You have to have a fat guy with a bucket of balls just right after. Right down the pipe, like. Like it's the. Like it's the all star home run competition. But he doesn't. The colon can't hit the junk. And every time you try to serve up a breaking ball or curveball to the colon, the Colon's like, you know what? I'm just gonna hang onto the. I'm putting the bat on my shoulder. I'm gonna sit back in the box.

[Gina Grad]

I'm gonna wait for a nice juicy fastball right in my strike zone. That's all I swing at.

[Adam Carolla]

Awesome.

[Brian Bishop]

Good right now.

[Gina Grad]

But you're still hungry. You still have an appetite.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, strangely, I do. The doctors, when I check in with the doctors, they ask me about that, are they eating normal? I'm like, yeah, I'm eating more than. God, I'm getting fat these days because I haven't been in the gym. And since this whole thing started, two months, month and a half, where I've been. Yeah, eating normally, you can't.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, obviously, you can't run on a treadmill. You could fall off and do some real damage. But is there something you can do? You know, something in a pool?

[Brian Bishop]

The bike.

[Adam Carolla]

The bike.

[Brian Bishop]

The bike, I think, is the best thing for me. I'm going to get back on the bike next week. It's a weird thing. I can't articulate it well without sounding like a puss, but chemo and radiation really saps your motivation. I mean, I want to go to the gym. I know. It's good for me. I know.

[Gina Grad]

Christy, you're going to marry this guy.

[Brian Bishop]

I say to myself, I want to go to the gym. I'd like to get myself back to the gym. But then think about. All I want to do is look.

[Gina Grad]

Yourself in the eye.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't.

[Brian Bishop]

I have great vision.

[Adam Carolla]

You're only doing chemo and radiation. It's not like there's a third treatment you're undergoing.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

Maybe when I get the Gamma knife, I'll look in to go back to the gym.

[Gina Grad]

Well, I got thrown out of yoga the other day. I guess I'm now too big for yoga.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Gina Grad]

I am a little gassy, to be honest with you. This is disgusting. But I went to yoga because exercise is good for you when you're pregnant. It's really good for the baby. And I. Look, it was not prenatal yoga, but they didn't have that available at that time, so I went, and I knew it wasn't going well because my balance isn't so good. There's an extra 33 pounds right here in my middle. And then after class, the yoga teacher, who was a guy, and he was not happy to have me in his class.

[Adam Carolla]

Gay guy.

[Gina Grad]

He was straight. If he was gay, he would have been nicer to me.

[Adam Carolla]

Whoa.

[Gina Grad]

He went and he kept making pronouncements like, if you're expecting, don't do this.

[Adam Carolla]

Pose, don't do that. Yeah, I know.

[Brian Bishop]

Do you love the generalized announcements that are before you?

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, I like standing there all giant.

[Adam Carolla]

And then after class, straw.

[Gina Grad]

Sir Lynn Strauss.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what? It's like that really uncomfortable thing, you know, when you're flying and there's 250 people on the airplane and they're starting to taxi, and there's the one person that's two seats in front of you and they're standing up and they're going, the plane is taxing. Everybody needs to be in their seats with their belt buckled, secure, fastened. And you're looking around and you know everyone is buckled in except for this one guy. But they won't say, hey, you and the striped shirt. So it's this constant berating that everybody's getting. And I feel like. I know you don't want to single the guy out, but when you don't fucking single the guy out, then all of us who are sitting here with our seats in the upright position, who are buckled in, are being berated by your condescending bitch ass.

[Brian Bishop]

Clearly, the generalized announcements haven't affected him and will knock, evidently.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, your scattershot, buckshot shotgun approach to the general. Hey, if you're anywhere near an airplane and you can get around to it, perhaps how about, hey, Members Only jacket, You with the bad rug, how did you sit your fat ass down and buckle up so we could shove the fuck off?

[Brian Bishop]

I have a good rug.

[Gina Grad]

The only corrections in this hour were to me the only corrections. And he should have just gone, you in the lavender shirt. You look like a fucking grape. You, the fucking fat, huge pregnant one, knock it off. You shouldn't be here. But at the end of class, he goes, so, how far along are you? And I said, oh, almost six months. And then he said, this should probably be your last yoga class. Namaste.

[Brian Bishop]

Get too intense, apparently.

[Adam Carolla]

Good day. I think in general, you owe the person you're talking to this specific direction, and you owe it to everyone else in either the airplane or the yoga class. Well, so you don't have to constantly get that. Just broad, people, we need. You need to.

[Gina Grad]

This would be a good time to.

[Adam Carolla]

Sit down on the airplane. You always know they're talking to the one person that's struggling with their luggage. But it doesn't.

[Gina Grad]

To be fair, this guy might have not been sure I'm pregnant. And then he might have just thought I was like, if you're Expecting you don't want to do twisting poses.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You got a prenatal massage.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, yeah. Which is basically like a massage. And they just throw you down on a pillow with a hole in the pillow.

[Brian Bishop]

Nice.

[Adam Carolla]

The hole in the pillow is sort of like the same equivalent to the hole in your face.

[Gina Grad]

It's just like that, only it's a little. It's more like memory foam. It's pretty nice. It's comfortable, but it's, you know, it's a little. I feel good. I feel much better than last week.

[Adam Carolla]

What do they charge? Like, you know, at the car wash, they'll charge you extra for vans, right? Because it's just. They're big.

[Gina Grad]

I'm like an suv.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm just saying, you're no Mini Cooper. I'm just saying, if it's 110 bucks for a straight massage, that's for 105 pound Asian chicks. 110 bucks. This RV comes pulling in.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh my God.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean? I mean, 150, put it on the rack.

[Gina Grad]

They hand me the receipt and then.

[Adam Carolla]

They go, I'll charge you.

[Gina Grad]

We're gonna have to double that.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm sorry.

[Gina Grad]

It's 150 for normal size pregnant girls.

[Adam Carolla]

That would be an awesome thing to try to pull off. They do that.

[Gina Grad]

If you have long hair, they charge you more.

[Brian Bishop]

Blow dry by the pound.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, but we also live in a society where. And this is all you need to know about our society, there's only extras. They never take away anything. So if you drive a Taurus, it's 10 bucks at the car wash, but if you drive a full size van, it's 16 bucks. But what about the guy who drives the Mini Cooper that's smaller than the Taurus? That should be $7.

[Gina Grad]

What about dry cleaning clothes? If you wear a size two.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. So if they charge. If they're charging you extra at the salon to blow dry the hair, then. Susan Powder. I'm trying to think.

[Gina Grad]

If only there was someone hair nearby.

[Brian Bishop]

No time reference, but Susan Powder works.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I was thinking. Well, she wouldn't get anything blow dry. Think Kurt Warner's wife before she got the extension. Yeah, somebody with a bob quarterbacks. She had like a fade or something. But they should charge less. But they never do. They just charge. They charge more.

[Brian Bishop]

Cheryl Swoops.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Cheryl Swoops. They charge more for the more but never less. The same math never applies.

[Brian Bishop]

Gotcha. City of the carwash back. I used to take my truck to the car wash. And when I did they tried to charge me an extra buck. It was larger than a regular car. I tried to get Talk em down because there's less to wash. Like, there's no back seat. There's no back windows. Just let go.

[Adam Carolla]

You said talk them down.

[Gina Grad]

I want to correct you, but it's.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, it's one thing next to us. There's one thing next to us. She exceeds you. She knows where she.

[Gina Grad]

I know what.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, thank God.

[Adam Carolla]

She's got a little. She's got a little bagel in the oven.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm making a little bagel. People, could we please, fast. We can't push off until everybody is seated. The thing that. There's nothing worse than if you're sitting up in the front of the plane and that person is literally standing in front of you. We can't put in. You're like. You almost want to shield yourself and like, hold your hands up and. Or you just want to grab the mic and go. And somewhere around the third time, she gets up and goes. Once again. We can't. You just want to grab the mic and go. Look, sit the fuck down and buckle up, whoever the fuck it is back down there.

[Brian Bishop]

Sing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

Speaking of airplanes, I was watching movie Airplane the other night and there was. We come a long way in terms of baggage security. Like the. The bag above the seats were just. There was no latch. There's no door just open like a. Like a bus. And that was 1980. And nowadays everything's gotta be lashed. Can't take off unless it's latched. We had a guy on our flight about a month ago, actually have to change out the lot like the door on one of the lap. On one of the baggage areas. Like change out with like a screwdriver.

[Adam Carolla]

The whole door?

[Brian Bishop]

Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

Not to flop. How long did that set you guys?

[Brian Bishop]

He had done it before, so he was in and out of there in.

[Adam Carolla]

About eight minutes, but they had to call for maintenance.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, maintenance guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I've said the story on the air, so you guys know it.

[Brian Bishop]

If you could hear love, what would it sound like?

[Adam Carolla]

Son, can we talk about your drinking? Yeah, Dad, I think we should. Helping those closest to you think about their excessive drinking. Maybe that's what love sounds like. [e-mail] An OHA initiative. Hell's Gates are open. Get ready to save humanity in Diablo 4, Vessel of Hatred, continue the saga and carve your own path through Sanctuary's cursed lands. With massive updates to character progression difficulties and loot systems for powerful Demon slaying action. Unleash fierce skills as you embark on an immersive campaign. Tackle new co op dungeons and team up with allies using the new party finder. Hell awaits you. Get Diablo 4 and the new expansion Vessel of Hatred, available now in the Diablo 4 expansion bundle, rated M for mature. From the Delta Sky Club. Welcome back, Ms. Klein, to the JetBridge. Delta Airlines relies on 5G solutions from T Mobile for business to power operations and serve customers faster. Together, we're putting 5G into the hands of ground staff so they can better assist on the go travelers with real time information throughout the airport. This is elevating customer experience. This is Delta Airlines with T Mobile for business. Take your business further@t mobile.com now. I don't believe I've ever said it on the podcast, which is one of my life could be just summed up in this. Like when I'm eulogized, all you'd need to do is, you wouldn't need to say any kind words. You just, you want an idea of what Adam's life was like. Here, just watch this, watch this small clip. And this would be it.

[Gina Grad]

It would be this life in rain.

[Adam Carolla]

Flying home from Florida, flying back to la, sitting in first class and one of the, one of those baggage things. And they all have, they have the door with the pneumatic opener. So if it doesn't latch, it flies up. It just, it just starts to pop open again so it won't stay down. So here we are and we're sitting there and it just won't latch. The thing won't latch. But they ended up clear. They cleared everything out of it. So it was just completely empty. It's open, but it's empty. So I do the, all right, let's push off. And they're like, sir, we can't until all the baggage ones are shut. And this is really where our society takes a turn and this is where we start heading toward hell in the hand basket.

[Brian Bishop]

Letter of the law, not spirit of the law, right?

[Adam Carolla]

We stop being able to think for ourselves. And I said, well, it needs to be shut and latched so that luggage or personal belongings don't land on anyone's head during turbulence. But if there's nothing in it, what could possibly happen? A chunk of air falls out of the thing. No. And so we sat there and we sat there and they called maintenance and I just, I'd had a couple of drinks, but I just kept saying, seriously, seriously, we're not going to take off because there's. There's nothing in here. And yet, sir, we can't take off unless they're all shut in latch. I said, well, look, how about this? How about someone just get a piece of duct tape and just fucking hold this, shut it and put a piece of duct tape on it because it. There's nothing in it. So physically we have to have this thing. And by the way, I, you know, is it some. Is the wing warped or something or is it just a fucking open baggage thing? Sir, sir, sir, sir, sir. Back and forth, you know, maintenance, they're backed up, there are 10 hangers over. The guy's got to drive the cushman out there. He's got the wrong screwdriver. He's going back and forth. So somewhere around the 15th time, we're sitting there for an hour. I said, literally, somebody just put a piece of duct tape on this thing so we could fucking push off and get out of here, sir. And by the way, when does the only right. How come as the only sensible, right thinking person on the plane, I turn into the number one asshole on the plane? You know what I'm saying?

[Gina Grad]

The delivery style.

[Adam Carolla]

Delivery started off the tone tonally. It started off as a helpful FYI.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

An inquisitive.

[Gina Grad]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Gee, yeah. Hey, but, but, but wouldn't that be just if there was luggage in there? I mean, if there's nothing in there, obviously there's nothing to fall out. Perhaps we could just push off because I have someone picking me up at fucking LAX in four and a half goddamn hours. So I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, sir, you don't. Sir, sir, sir, sir, sir. And then eventually, an hour and a half later, out comes the duct tape. And they just put a piece of fucking duct tape on it, push it. And I gave the. Hello. Hello. All I want is a fucking apology and a blowjob. That's all I want. That's all I want is. You know what? You're right. Instead of now I get the stink eye. I get the stink eye as the troublemaker. But by the way, I got one stink eye. You know, before the duct tape came out, I was a troublemaker. Now that I'm a troublemaker. And right now I'm really fucked right.

[Gina Grad]

Now I have to completely avoid.

[Adam Carolla]

Now I'm going to be punished, right? Yeah, right, but that's about. That's about what our society's turned into, right? Nothing inside the fucking compartment but yet cannot travel with it overall.

[Gina Grad]

And that trumps common sense, right?

[Adam Carolla]

And it's not like Once the plane gets in flight, you're not allowed to open the thing. You can get up when the planes in flight and open the thing up and do all you want, leave it open for 10 minutes while you rummage around for whatever your overcoat or whatever it is. There's no danger. And opium, no one hits their head on it. It's open, it's against the fucking ceiling. We have lost our ability to just use common sense and reason and, you know, and everyone just passes the buck like, oh, I'd like to do it, but I could, you know, and the pilot would like, do it, but he could, but everyone would like to, but we have rules and blah, blah, blah. Hey, what was that story where the stewardess curved your alcohol intake? That never happened once me, you started serving yourself champagne or something. I got yelled at for serving myself. But then she cut you off too. No, no, she. Something happened, as you guys know, after 9, 11, where every stewardess decided she was an air marshal and a fucking.

[Gina Grad]

Stewardess, you know, serving our country and your warm nuts.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, somehow it's this really fucked up thing. But what happened was, is somehow they came, became responsible for safety. And the part where they serve you drinks is like, listen, it was sort of this thing. Where would you rather arrive at JFK alive or with a high ball? And it's like, well, if you break it down that way, I don't see you wrestling any terror. No choice. Yeah, no, what happened was, is I was just sitting there. I'm sitting in the very front row of First Class and they have the cart that's. That's there. And on the cart, I'm sure you've passed it on your way to steerage many times on the way below when.

[Brian Bishop]

You'Re going down, I mean, they don't call. It has a D on it. And they kind of throw you in.

[Adam Carolla]

There and they're like, sir, you need to attach your hitch to the whipping pose before. Yeah, there's actually just hitch up. So there's the cart.

[Brian Bishop]

I gotta tag his lax.

[Adam Carolla]

And the cart has a thing of champagne on it and a thing of orange juice on it. Yeah, you're seeing those. And a bunch of cups. And I'm literally sitting in the first seat. And the first seat is just. You could lean. If you undid your seatbelt, you could lean over and grab the champagne and I'm just sitting there. And the stewardesses, when you're on the ground, the first class stewardesses are everyone's stewardess until you get up in the Air. So she's helping people their baggage and shoving shit up top and everything. And I'm just sort of staring at the champagne the whole time and I'm waving my glass around and hitting the whatever, but no traction rattle the ice. Yeah. So at a certain point I do the. I'm not gonna sit up, I'm not gonna stand up erect. I do that half lean. I'm stretching out.

[Brian Bishop]

You undo your seatbelt. Dignity.

[Adam Carolla]

Undo. Undo the seat belt. We're not flying, we're not taxiing. We're not doing it. We're just sitting at the gate. Sure, undo the thing, reach over and do the pour. Of course she turns around the second I'm. Sir, this isn't a self serve bar. Oh, no.

[Gina Grad]

The captain had turned on the. No condescending side.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. And I do like the part where they have to fucking settle your hash, you know? You know the part like I was complaining about just to my wife the other day, you're going to have a kid, so you're going to go through this. You're going to go to the hospital. I was complaining about it when we were at the hospital and I had the temerity to use the bathroom that was in the holding pen. We had a holding pen that was just literally two beds, just me and my wife. There's nobody else in the room. In a bathroom. In the room, in the room. Just as if we were sitting in this room with a bathroom right there. And it's just, you're just sitting with your husband waiting to be wheeled down to give birth. And a certain point he gets up and goes and takes a leak and then when he comes out of the bathroom, he gets a dressing down from the nurse. Sir, that bathroom is just for the patients. Your bathroom is down and you want to go, hey, cunt, what are we going to do? Like, how many times you think I'm going to be back here tomorrow? Do you think I'm coming back every day this week?

[Gina Grad]

I'm so glad I learned that piece of information for the next. Yeah, I'm in here with my wife having twins.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. What, you think I have a fucking bullhorn? I'm gonna go up to the roof. Hear he, hear he. Those of you who are planning on using the same shows, think twice. Yeah, I'm going down the hall, I'm gonna spread, I'm gonna get a bell. I'll be like a town crier. I'm going down the aisle. Do you have a burn unit? I want to explain to those people, shut the Fuck up, you old cunt. And here's the thing. Yes. We're never going to cross paths again. Why do you need. I understand the part where it's like someone is gonna. You're attending my school and you're gonna be here for the next 10 years. You need to know the part where. So I lean over, I pour my champagne. Sir, this is not a self serve, self serve bar. So she gives me the condescending thing and I just looked at her and I said, hey, it's first class. Meaning like, shut the fuck up. This is a $3,500 ticket that somebody paid for. And you don't need to fucking dress me down for pouring my own fucking champagne. And by the way, from that point on, no, no got shut down, Cole. I had to have my buddy Chris, who's a sober guy. Well, you know, it's like, have order Bloody Mary and we'll move on to the Chevy. They would give it to him and he'd slide it to me, right? Because she wouldn't give me anything in the sitcom.

[Gina Grad]

He would be like somebody's sponsor. And that guy would be on the plane, would see him ordering 10 drinks.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right. And it wasn't a spoken thing. She didn't say, you're cut off. It was just. I was on her shit list because I had the fucking temerity to pour my own $7 champagne occasionally at a.

[Gina Grad]

Diner when I'm near the coffee station. Yes, just need a refill. I just. Because I was a waitress for so many years, I just help myself. I know how to pour it. Not going to hurt anybody. But occasionally you do get a talking to.

[Adam Carolla]

What is that? Impulse, you know, you're sitting there, obviously they're busy and that's why they're not getting to you right now. You're not trying to shame them. You just want some fucking coffee or some goddamn champagne. But they've taken it as a shaming, I guess, and sort of are lashing out, like, oh, you don't think I'm doing my job? But I've done that thing at the diner too, where you got the cup, you turn the cup over, you're waving the cup around, banging on the table, yelling at food on the ball.

[Gina Grad]

I try to look really tired, right? Just one more cup of coffee.

[Adam Carolla]

They don't do it. So you get up and you serve yourself and you get the weird dressing down. That's another thing. Here's another thing, too. Do you own the airplane? Do you own the diner? Like, how big a shit do you really give? I know this is something we broach a lot, but we've all had jobs. Do you give a fuck? You know what I mean?

[Brian Bishop]

The same plane for so long, they must feel offensive. I own part of this, right?

[Gina Grad]

It's their fiefdom.

[Adam Carolla]

It's so weird. Like I said, I used to teach traffic school. I was like, what the fuck? Who gives a shit? Show up late, take an hour for lunch or whatever the fuck it is. Like, who cares? It's a gig.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, maybe that doesn't make you a great employee, but I've never really felt like Houlihan's money is my money. And if I give somebody an extra plate of fries, you know it's coming out of my check.

[Adam Carolla]

But especially when it's neither here nor there. Coffee is free. You are actually doing their business a favor by giving yourself a warmup. If somebody gets sued, you're not going to be named in the lawsuit. You're just a part time waiter. Who the fuck cares? Just shut up. Just shut the fuck up. What is it with everyone piping up with that shit?

[Brian Bishop]

You never get that as the grocery store when you go, sometimes I'll bag my own groceries because I know how I want them and I want them double bagged and I want them a certain way. And they never give you a stink eye. Sometimes they say, thanks for helping.

[Gina Grad]

Maybe they can tell that you used to be a professional bagger.

[Brian Bishop]

That was very good. But, yes, they see in my eyes.

[Gina Grad]

They see in your eyes. And by the way, you see the frozen.

[Brian Bishop]

He's been there.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, you do. Separate the frozens.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you have. Donnie, do you have a Skype call, by the way? Yes, I do. Why don't you guys put your headphones on, see what we got. Hello? Hang on one sec. Let's switch over. Okay, the first call is going to be Kyle. Kyle's got a question for Adam. Kyle, you there? Kyle, come in. Kyle.

[Brian Bishop]

Hello.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, Kyle. What's going on? Not much. Just watching the Mets. Yeah. You have a question? Yeah, I got a question about the AM Corolla project, Adam. Corolla project?

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

I want to know how much of it was real and how much of it was, like, scripted or suggested by the producers. I would have. I'd be hard pressed to, like, put a percentage to it. It was all real as it was happening. The producers would say things like, you guys, we're all going to go out Tuesday night and go to a place and shoot pool and then we'll just film and see what happens? And they would do, you know, things like that. But they never set up any gags or anything. Like, they never said, we're going to steal the tools or I'm going to have Gary cut the glulam beam too short. Or they never. They never made anything up. They never made anything up out of whole cloth. They would just suggest scenarios like, you guys should all go over here and hang out for a while and see how that goes.

[Brian Bishop]

The voice coach.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's probably. Probably about as set up as they would get. As they'd go like, yeah, get Oz. Let's get Ozzy a voice coach. And so you'd get Ozzie a voice coach, but the voice coach was a voice coach and Ozzie was Ozzie and everything was the same. Can you dig, Kyle? Yeah. Like, one scene in particular is when you got Ray, like, shoes or something. I thought that's pretty suspect. Suspect. Adam's been trying to get Ray to wear shoes for probably 10 years now. And don't get them started on a driver's license.

[Gina Grad]

You buy them smoke shoes.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, Ray works in flip flops, construction, and he works construction and does demolition with, you know, nails and screws and lath and plaster and stucco. He does that stuff in flip flops or barefoot, to be honest. So I kept saying to him, why don't you get some fucking boots? And he'd be like, they're all uncomfortable. And I said, well, what if I go out and buy you some real boots? Some expensive, real boots? Which I did, by the way. Which he never wore. But I don't. I mean, as far as these shows go is as scripted or as structured as our show would go, as I would be arguing probably with Ray about, why don't you wear some boots? You're on a job site. You're on my job site and you're working slower because you're worried about stepping on nails. How about you show up with some boots? And one of the producers might say, well, why don't we go out and get Ray some boots? And we'd go get Ray some boots, but I still paid for it and we still went to a place. So it's not like we went to stage 14 where they made a boot boutique.

[Gina Grad]

I think what I'm hearing from Kyle is that you and Ray are essentially Spidey and your entire relationship has been made up for the show.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Kyle, I don't know what you're getting at. What do you mean that scene made up? Well, far Fett.

[Joey McIntyre]

Well, no, it's not that.

[Adam Carolla]

This is what I love about Skype.

[Gina Grad]

Does this happen a lot?

[Adam Carolla]

More than more than we'd like. But I guess what I was trying to get to with Kyle, like there's a certain amount. I mean there wasn't like, hey, let's all just show up and walk in a circle. There'd be like, hey, Hell's Gates are open. Get ready to save humanity in Diablo 4 Vessel of Hatred. Continue the saga and carve your own path through Sanctuary's cursed lands with massive updates to character progression difficulties and loot systems for powerful demon slaying action. Unleash fierce skills as you embark on an immersive campaign. Tackle new co op dungeons and team up with allies using the new party finder. Hell awaits you. Get Diablo 4 and the new expansion Vessel of Hatred available now in the Diablo 4 expansion bundle rated M for Mature from the Delta Sky Club. Welcome back Ms. Klein to the JetBridge.

[Brian Bishop]

Delta Air Lines relies on 5G solutions.

[Adam Carolla]

From T Mobile for business to power operations and serve customers faster. Together we're putting 5G into the hands of ground staff so they can better assist on the go Travelers with real time information throughout the airport. This is elevating customer experience. This is Delta Airlines with T Mobile for Business. Take your business further@t mobile.com now we're gonna go get Ray some boots and But Hell's Gates are open. Get ready to save humanity in Diablo 4. Vessel of hatred. Continue the saga and carve your own path through Sanctuary's cursed lands with massive updates to character progression difficulties and loot systems for powerful demon slay action. Unleash fierce skills as you embark on an immersive campaign. Tackle new co op dungeons and team up with allies using the new party finder. Hell awaits you. Get Diablo 4 and the new expansion Vessel of Hatred available now in the Diablo 4 expansion bundle rated M for Mature from the Delta Sky Club. Welcome back Ms. Klein to the JetBridge. Delta Air Lines relies on 5G solutions from T Mobile for business to power operations and serve customers faster. Together, we're putting 5G into the hands of ground staff so they can better assist on the go travelers with real time information throughout the airport. This is elevating customer experience. This is Delta Airlines with T Mobile for Business. Take your business further@t mobile.com now everything was pretty much organic. Like we'd send a kid on a lunch run, he'd go on a lunch run, he'd fuck up the lunch run, he'd get lost. Gary would cut the beam Too short. It was mostly as scripted as it got. Was. Let's go over here. Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

They maybe might choose a location to mix it up.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

Were you on TLC at the same time?

[Adam Carolla]

All right, we have another question.

[Brian Bishop]

Alumni.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on. I didn't like Kyle's tone. Did you?

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, it was accusatory.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, what. By the way, you saw the show. What do you mean?

[Brian Bishop]

The Mets must be losing.

[Adam Carolla]

You saw the show? I said to Ray, you need some boots. And then at some point I said, he probably said, well, you pay for them, I'll wear them. And I said, fine, let's go. And we went to. To a boot place in North Hollywood and I bought him boots.

[Gina Grad]

Kyle takes an interest in your work.

[Brian Bishop]

It's hard to get back in asking mode, but that was a great show, actually. KS asking insults at the same time. You had two shows simultaneously. Too late and the Adam Carl project. The project was the good one and that was the one I did not work on. So I remember people saying I would tell people all the time, oh, Mark on Carl's TV show, like, oh, I love that show with the construction and the hardware. The hardware and stuff like. No, not that show. Different show.

[Adam Carolla]

The one no one liked. Yeah, Donny worked on the one no one liked either. I like that one. Although when you go back and watch it now, it's actually pretty good.

[Brian Bishop]

There are some good moments.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, some great moments. All right, we got another phone call. This one's for Brian. Bob, are you there? Bob is here. What's happening, Bob? Hello? I haven't. I can't hear you guys live, obviously. So if you've already covered this, tell me to F off. Theresa, first off, hope all the pregnancies going great. October is a great time to have a birthday. Mine is early October.

[Gina Grad]

What day?

[Adam Carolla]

And I actually read that most people with early October birthdays mean the parents were getting it on on New Year's Eve.

[Gina Grad]

So, Bob, thank you. And I. Yes, I was impregnated on New Year's Eve.

[Brian Bishop]

Gotta get it on.

[Adam Carolla]

Good on you. Good on you. I'm proud of you.

[Gina Grad]

Thanks.

[Adam Carolla]

Brian, I've been reading your blog and your lovely wife to be's blog. How are things? I understand. Close to the end of treatment and all that jazz.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You had a bachelor party.

[Brian Bishop]

I'll recap. Yeah, thanks, Bob. We did. I did. I went to a bachelor party last weekend.

[Gina Grad]

Isn't Bob the opposite of Kyle in every way?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, Bob has a fun tone.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, I did my bachelor party in Vegas two weekends ago and it was a really fun time. Did the burger bar. Did, did. It was, it was really funny. I did Spearmint Rhino with my friends, the gentleman's club. And I took my chemotherapy right there in spirit. Rhino chased it with a vodka Red Bull.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you did.

[Brian Bishop]

Maybe the first time it's ever happened. So that was a.

[Adam Carolla]

It was very.

[Brian Bishop]

Here's a funny moment. There was a dancer, if you will, sitting next to me on the couch and I was taking my pills and she looks at, I'm taking them out a little pill bag and she looks at me, she goes, ooh, what's that? I said, nothing. You want nothing fun. I can't share it.

[Adam Carolla]

She thought you were going to start rolling some ashes.

[Brian Bishop]

We were going to start passing us back to sick. And I'm like, no, sorry, this is for my serious stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

That might be an easier way. He could avoid waxing Bob. Take some hair can fall out. We covered, by the way I got. It just wasn't funny. Put Bob on hold, but he believes he's in and out. And yeah, we covered the fact that he was going to be wrapping up his chemo and his radiation this week. Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

On week six of a six week tour and getting married in what, 14 days.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

I guess the point of it all is. What I'm trying to say is I'm leading as normal a life as possible with the bachelor party and the wedding, all that stuff. So thanks, Bob, for asking, but things.

[Adam Carolla]

Are cranking along and there's nothing. We won't know anything about the treatment until you're able. About the end of the year.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm going to have my first MRI done in June, July, and that's going to be. They're predicting that there's not going to be much to come from the MRI. The first MRIs are very unreliable and they look like a mess because the brain scrambled, the brain, frankly, swollen from the treatment. So they won't be able to see much. Yes, you're right. Down the road a few months, they're going to take MRIs and be able to see exactly where we are, progress wise.

[Gina Grad]

So six months down the road, at the end of the year, they can get an accurate look and see just how much shrinking the radiation did.

[Brian Bishop]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

Now they're able to get an accurate measurement of it from the first mri. And they'll know in centimeters or millimeters, centimeters and millimeters, probably whether the thing has grown or whether it shrunk or whether it stayed the same.

[Brian Bishop]

Essentially, they'll know more accurately about three months out. They'll take another mri.

[Gina Grad]

And how's everyone in your family doing your morning?

[Adam Carolla]

Not so bad.

[Brian Bishop]

My mom and dad came down this last weekend to actually come to radiation with me and see the whole thing. And it was really helpful to them to see what's going on. We met with the doctor and it was good for them to sort of put a human face on it and see the people that are helping me. And by the way, if you want to go to Christie's [e-mail] you can see video of the actual radiation room. It's wild. The machine that kind of goes around my head and they strap me down. It's really very impressive.

[Gina Grad]

Well, speaking of babies, because your mom and I email. I love Nancy. I wish she was my mom, like my mommy.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll take both your pictures.

[Gina Grad]

I emailed you.

[Adam Carolla]

I wish your dad was my mom. That's how desperate I am.

[Gina Grad]

My dad is a pretty good mom, but Mrs. Bishop is just the sweetest, nicest. And so we emailed back and forth and I said, oh, you must be so excited about Christy. You know, she's as good a daughter in law as you could ever hope for, and she's going to be a beautiful bride. And right away she was like, yes, and make some beautiful grandchildren. I mean, this is like, she needs some grandkids.

[Brian Bishop]

Yep. She's hard up.

[Adam Carolla]

She wrote me a very heartfelt letter that my wife read in bed, I think, Sunday morning to me, although she couldn't finish it because she was crying so much. But it was just such a lovely letter thanking me. I know anything about this, and you don't know anything about this. She just, she crafted. She wrote a very kind letter to me that brought a tear to my eye, but turned Lynette into a heap.

[Gina Grad]

This is true, because I had lunch with Lynette today.

[Adam Carolla]

She told me that she read on Sunday, and then I actually read again. It was out on my. On my bureau the other day. And I was just thinking what fucking awesome parents you have. And I can't appreciate your parents without hating my own.

[Gina Grad]

Same here. It's bittersweet.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm like, God, my dad would never write that letter.

[Gina Grad]

I swear, when you see Mrs. Bishop, you want, like, you want to be. You want to, like, sit on her lap and cuddle her.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't feel that way.

[Gina Grad]

And just have her, like, you know, give you a little pat.

[Brian Bishop]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

But it's so, it's so. It's so wonderful that they're, you know, so, so involved with your life. And then also that, you know, you guys, you know, when you. When you talk about, you know, going to tailgate at USC with your dad and stuff like that, you know, having. Having interests that you guys share together is so. It's so important. And, you know, I was saying to my wife over the weekend, we did the whole car show thing. I took my son and Donnie's over there with his dad and his mom and whatever. And, you know, as you get older, if you eliminate the interest stuff, you find yourself not hanging out that much. Because hanging out is usually based around you watching a ball game or going to a car show or having a team that you root for or something going on. Something's going on. Like, if you think about 90% of your social interactions, it's because you both like the same group, and thus you're going to the concert together. And my family doesn't like anything, so thus you don't find yourself doing anything except for the part where you're sort of forced to hang out. But that just becomes like, hey, we're going to go sit and stare at each other across a diner table, which you don't really feel like doing, but you realize minus all the activities, you really don't. You don't have. You know, there's Thanksgiving and Christmas and then that's about it.

[Gina Grad]

I know what you mean. For Jews, though. Actually, just sitting around talking is our activity. Like, we just sit around the table and eat and talk.

[Brian Bishop]

But it also has like, that activity, that thing like, hey, Tiger woods is in town. Or, hey, the, you know, the Rolling Stones are playing. You know, we're huge Rolling Stones fans. Guess concert.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I mean, Donnie, you would not hang out with your dad nearly as much as you do if it. I don't. I'm not making this into a bad thing. I'm just saying he goes to five or ten car shows a year. You gotta hook up the trailer and meet him down there, and mom goes and blah, blah, blah. And for better or worse, you're sort of forced to spend the day with your dad. That's why, well, you're at the car show with him. Well, that's also one of the more enjoyable environments of spending time with my dad is actually at the car show. Yeah. Now imagine if you removed cars from the equation. He doesn't smoke weed. He doesn't smoke weed. You guys should have nothing to talk about.

[Gina Grad]

You have to. Kibbitz.

[Brian Bishop]

I was gonna say, T. What's gonna be your activity with your son? Years from now.

[Gina Grad]

Well, that's what concerns me. I'll just have to get into boy stuff.

[Brian Bishop]

Something.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, I can get into boy stuff.

[Brian Bishop]

Just use one thing. One thing that tolerable to you.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't. It doesn't have to be boy. Well, here's the thing. There can be a girl component to the boy stuff. Such as Donnie's mom is at the thing because they have a woody. And a woody is like the old station wagon that's got the wood siding on it. It's not exactly a hot rod. It's as much of a chick car as it is a guy car. So it's kind of a cute, fun, funky 30 work art with wood on the side. It's like a piece of furniture with wheels on it, essentially. And the mom's side is the part where the whole family comes together and she packs the food and puts on the spread and all that kind of stuff. So there's actually a. Without being condescending, a mom's side of this equation that doesn't involve being a grease monkey.

[Gina Grad]

I gotta slice up some oranges and pack them in a baggie.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. By the way, her car won first place. Yes. The woody won first place in its. In its class. I do like. Yeah, well, I like sports Concourse dialogue.

[Gina Grad]

So I can, you know.

[Brian Bishop]

Spring training.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Like a vacation for years. I mean, I do.

[Gina Grad]

I like you guys. Remember when I first started working with you, I was dating that guy. He was a baseball player, whatever. So I would occasionally.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, man, I love that guy.

[Gina Grad]

I miss that guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Got a cannon for an arm.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, God.

[Adam Carolla]

Home plate on one hop on the morning track and hit from both sides of the plate with power. Why'd you let him go?

[Brian Bishop]

Fly tool player.

[Gina Grad]

He was a lefty. Well, anyway, he let me go, but he kindly let me go.

[Brian Bishop]

He called it a lefty.

[Gina Grad]

So I ended up going to it because he played in one of these urban leagues. So I ended up going to a lot of games. And I would sometimes stumble across the kids playing. And I would just sit and watch the kids. And sometimes I'd find myself sitting with a bunch of moms. And I felt this weird nervous tension every time a kid got up and I could tell who their mom was. And I started, like, physically getting a stomach ache thinking, I don't want that kid to strike out. I can't handle it. Yeah. I don't even know the kids or their mom. I basically just look like a sex offender who stumbled onto the park who has no kids in this game. And I would feel nervous, like, oh, God, it must be hard to watch your kid because they're gonna sometimes strike out, and then they might strike out twice or they might be the really bad kid on the team. And then you have to. You know, you have to. What do you say on the way home? Baseball's not for you.

[Adam Carolla]

You gotta watch Parenthood. It explains it all. It does. Someday.

[Brian Bishop]

You like that catch?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. You gotta watch Steve Martin's Parenthood.

[Gina Grad]

But that's the weird thing, that your dad wasn't involved because you were the dad that dads dream about because you were like a star. And he didn't have any interest in that.

[Brian Bishop]

You got him cry.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I was. Yeah, he went to a couple of. He didn't go to many Little League games. He went to a couple of Pop Warner games. Yeah, no. You know, I gotta tell you, I was. I was really. I was really angry the other day because it's a weird thing. It's weird when the parent doesn't share in any of the satisfaction. Like you'd think, don't do it for me, do it for you kind of thing. And I was Leno's. People had sent me my yearbook. I didn't have my 11th grade yearbook, but they sent it to me because of some bid I did on their show a few months ago. I don't remember what it was, but I had never seen it, or I hadn't seen it in 25 years or something. They tracked it down. They tracked it down. They sent it to me, which is nice. And I was thumbing through it, and when I looked at the football section, it said the team sucked, except for Junior's. Key plays were made by Adam Carolla and Chris Bohm, my good buddy, by the way, which I love. And then I flipped over the baseball thing, and it said the hitting attack was led by Adam Carolla. And. And I got really proud. And of course, I ran to show my wife look at that football, because I hadn't seen it. I probably saw it at the time, 25 years ago, but I didn't have the book and seen. I was like, yeah, look at that. I'm in the football and the baseball. And then my next thought was, I know no one in my family's ever seen this, and it would be cool if they saw it. But they never. Like, I don't. I don't think they've ever opened the book or they would know and they would never take that pride. It's just neutral.

[Gina Grad]

Now that you have Kids who just turned three, don't you feel like any little thing they do just fills you with pride?

[Adam Carolla]

Sunny had a solid bm. I had a shellac and mounted like a bass the other day.

[Gina Grad]

If only Brian could do the same.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm jealous of your two year old. Three year old now.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

You know what I mean? Like, we don't even have a word for this in English. I have to go to Yiddish. But there's a word kveling. You feel so. You're so proud of someone that you're kveling.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you don't. The thing that's weird about it is you always think of it in terms of, well, make the kid feel good by taking his shitty scribblings and putting it up on the refrigerator. Make the kid feel good. And that's true. At a certain point when the kid's three and he's just scribbling around with a crayon and doesn't even look like a fucking pirate, we'll put it up and it doesn't make the house look any better. But if the kid makes all valley, then you get to go, hey, my kid made all Valley. And work that into a conversation. And that actually makes you seem sort of the. It's. You know, I was talking the other day that if your kid commits suicide.

[Gina Grad]

It reflects on you as a parent.

[Adam Carolla]

You're kind of like, yeah, might not. This kid could be clinically depressed and have a. Have a chemical disorder and could have had too many concussions from wrestling or something like that. But if the kid kills himself, there's a little stigma. But if the kid makes all state, even if you suck at sports or never throw a ball to him, you still get to go the, hey, looky over here.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Why wouldn't you want to bask in that light just a little bit?

[Gina Grad]

I feel like if little no Nameski or whatever, you know, he has no name yet. But if little baby no Nameski even is the kind of kid who always says please and thank you, I'm gonna. I'm gonna be so proud. Like, I see I did that participation.

[Adam Carolla]

Trophy for saying thanks. Yeah. But don't.

[Brian Bishop]

Your kids are three. Happy birthday. Just turned three and you had a birthday.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, there's June 7th.

[Gina Grad]

Mine is June 8th.

[Brian Bishop]

Hey, yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, and you know what? You know what I got for my birthday? A major Hollywood shaming, which was that I wrapped courtesy of Chelsea Handler.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, good.

[Gina Grad]

Who as you know, has a show on E. And she came in to do our radio show. She was really Nice. And I thought she was funny. And she said, you should come on my show and do panel. But I never could.

[Adam Carolla]

You said radio show.

[Gina Grad]

Chelsea came on our. The Adam Carolla show.

[Adam Carolla]

Back.

[Gina Grad]

The old Kayla series.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that. Oh, then back when she.

[Gina Grad]

Remember when she came in.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Yes.

[Gina Grad]

And she said, you should come on my television show and do the panel. And I said, okay, great, thanks.

[Brian Bishop]

And so I thought she was talking to Gabel.

[Ben Folds]

She was talking through you.

[Brian Bishop]

Through the window.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, she was talking the board up. So I booked a day and then I had a conflict with one of my other jobs, so I couldn't do it. And then recently I thought, oh, this would be a great time to do Chelsea's show. It does really well. And what am I doing? I'm not getting up at 4:30 anymore. So I had my manager call to rebook me. Unfortunately, they've retooled and they are now, quote, only booking young comedians.

[Brian Bishop]

I just turned 29 again.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know if that means that.

[Gina Grad]

I'm not a comedian, which I'm not, or not young, which I'm not. But either way, it was equally demoralizing. It was so demoralizing that I couldn't even have hurt feelings. I just laughed.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. Then there was like a. Oh. But you know, you know, because we used to have journalist types and hosts and now we're just doing young comedians. So I get it. People sometimes change their needs. I've worked on shows that do that, but it's a little bit of a. Little bit of a blow.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I know.

[Gina Grad]

Well, I'm old now.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, they probably. And I don't know because Donnie used to work on that show, right? Yeah, I did start up on. She actually bought my iPhone. She bought Donnie his first iPhone when she turned into a bong, but it still looks like an iPhone.

[Gina Grad]

Everyone who works on her show thinks she's really nice.

[Adam Carolla]

She's really nice. Yeah, she is very nice. Yeah, she is very funny. Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

I'd like to say it wasn't her decision, but the booker went out of his way to say that. No, I went directly to Chelsea and. Well, there you go.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't believe that. Well, business. Well, what. Maybe they've changed their format and decided, wait, who works on their show now? Oh, we know Marvelstein works on. Works on her show. And so does somebody else. Were we talking about getting her in here? Oh, yeah. I want to see if we can get Chelsea in here. Yeah, we can. Sunday evening.

[Gina Grad]

So this blackballing is really working.

[Adam Carolla]

Well. Ambush her.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, and by the way, guess who is not hosting I'm a Celebrity. Get me out.

[Adam Carolla]

That's me. Although I was watching that and I saw the chick on that show and I thought, she doesn't seem like all that.

[Gina Grad]

Here's what happened. Which I couldn't talk about because of course they hadn't. Cash.

[Adam Carolla]

You were gonna do I'm a Celebrity.

[Gina Grad]

I was close. I had a. You know how it is. I had a meeting with the, with the production company and with some guy from NBC who had requested me. And it was over an hour long meeting and they were just meeting a few people and it was very positive. Then I had. This was maybe two and a half months ago. I just looked a little chubby and they did not know I was pregnant. And I thought, do you think they're going to want to drop a five month pregnant girl in the middle of the Costa Rican jungle? Or would they rather insure somebody. Somebody else? But I didn't. So I had to tell them. And then I never heard from them again. But I don't blame them. Pregnancy is incongruent with that show.

[Brian Bishop]

That show come back five years later. I can do this time.

[Gina Grad]

But I thought, well, you know, I can still work pregnant. Who doesn't want to? But it turns out a lot of people don't want.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm going in. By the way, I've been watching that show a little. I'm going in with like the Delta Force to get Lou Diamond Phillips out of there. Like I'm going to be like one of those 80s Chuck Norris movies. Come on, buddy, we're going home. Get out of here. You don't deserve this humiliation.

[Gina Grad]

He's too good for that.

[Adam Carolla]

Me and like Chuck Norris and Randall, Tex Cobb and about five other guys are gonna be. Are gonna. Huey helicopter rappelling down. Think, think Predator meets Predator meets one of those like hostage Chuck Norris missing in action movies. Just me and like Jesse the Body Ventura and stuff. And we're just going in there. One Indian guy, doesn't speak, who uses a knife. Yeah, pencils and. Yeah, we're gonna go in there and we're just gonna get Lou diamond out of there. And it's gonna be part, part of it's gonna be like a hostage, you know, sort of radon and Tebby thing. But the other part of it's gonna be like one of those cult extractions.

[Gina Grad]

I was gonna say he's kind of like a Patty Hearst.

[Adam Carolla]

Patty Hearst. Like you don't know. Lou, Lou, you're at you were in La Bamba. Look around, please look around. You're with Spidey. For the love of Christ. Bloavic's blood. Fr. I just turned on, you know, a tivo the other day and it was like, you kind of forget was like Ben Affleck, Lou Diamond Phillips and whoever was like. It was like, oh, yes, this was eight years ago. He was in movies with big name people in them. You know, I need an ether rag, some duct tape and some, some able bodied, like, you know, guys, you were young. Guns too.

[Brian Bishop]

Now come with me.

[Adam Carolla]

Come on, don't fight now.

[Gina Grad]

Also you need a B team that is back on the mainland taking care of his agent because that's who did this to him.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Brian Bishop]

It's a good idea. It's a good opportunity, right?

[Gina Grad]

And now he's got the Stockholm syndrome and he's fallen in love with his captors.

[Adam Carolla]

It's one of these things too where like the phone rings and that's Lou, be very careful. Put the pistol under. Louie, baby, how you doing? You're doing that thing where you're shaking. Listen, I had a change of heart. There's a mento spot that's hanging in the balance. How about you hop on the first flight and make it out of Costa Rica? And you're doing that thing where you're nodding. Very good, very good. They don't do that move anymore. They used to do in every third movie and about every second, like Manix and A team and everything where it's like I'm sitting in the room and I'm like, where have you put my sister? And it's like there's a knock on the door and I'm gonna do that thing right. I'm gonna stand just on the other side of the jam and I'll be very quiet. Be natural. But if you do anything.

[Brian Bishop]

Guns ablazing.

[Adam Carolla]

I swear through the 80s, when I would knock on someone's door, I would still, just from watching those shows, would have to peek my head in just to see if there was a guy standing just out of eye shot with a gun, held up, you know what to do. No funny business. Pick up the phone, but no funny business. And in every TV show and every movie, no one ever went like, oh, hey. I said, hey, there's a guy, there's a guy called everyone. They never did it. They never. Even when the cops would show up at the door. Ma'am, we heard some rustling. Is there a problem?

[Brian Bishop]

Everything's fine here.

[Adam Carolla]

Everything's fine. And you think to yourself, bitch, you take one step forward and there's two cops standing there. Come on, now. No, everything's fine. Remember, the cops would show up and they would still do it.

[Brian Bishop]

Talk it down. Talk them down.

[Adam Carolla]

They don't do that anymore. All right, Weezer, you got another call. Yes, I do. Okay, hang on a second. This is Brett. Brett, are you there? Hey, what's going on, guys? What's happening? Brett, hey, listen, I know it's a podcast. Whatever. Can I speak freely here? Like, is there any censorship? No. Good. Because on my podcast, there's no censorship either. Okay, Listen, I love NBC. I think they're a great company. Fuck Heidi Montag. Fuck Spencer Pratt. Leave them in the fucking jungle. Fuck them. Fuck NBC for even thinking of putting them on there.

[Ben Folds]

It's boring.

[Adam Carolla]

I hope no one watches it. The rating dropped right after the first episode. I hope they literally get a 0.0 rating.

[Gina Grad]

Brett, are you upset that Lou Diamond Phillips is there?

[Adam Carolla]

No, I'm upset that they're doing the show altogether. I think. You know, I think that they do.

[Ben Folds]

These reality shows, and they bring all.

[Adam Carolla]

These, you know, so and so has been on, pretty much embarrassing them.

[Ben Folds]

They're on there for a quick buck.

[Adam Carolla]

But it's not all has beens, which is kind of the thing. Yeah, you know what? It's kind of sad to see people with talent doing something that makes, you know, it kind of humiliates them.

[Ben Folds]

But then again, they did volunteer to.

[Adam Carolla]

Do it, and I guess, you know.

[Ben Folds]

You do what you have to do to stay in the spotlight.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know.

[Ben Folds]

I'm not famous.

[Adam Carolla]

I do my podcast without my pants on. I'm never going to be known.

[Ben Folds]

You know what I mean?

[Adam Carolla]

Somebody asked me if they asked me to be on that show, which I took as it's marginally insulting or insult. Fuck you. Yeah. But you know what? Adam, Adam, listen, you're not a. Has been. Yeah, you're not. You are where it's at. And listen, I think your podcast is great. You.

[Ben Folds]

You do not have to subject yourself.

[Adam Carolla]

To shit like that. I podcast, too, and, you know, if they offered me to be on that show, I would go on there simply to break Heidi Montag's ribs. And I'm not a. You know, I'm not for violence towards women at all. Fuck the hills. I do have a podcast. It's a good podcast. Hey, Brett, what was your question? Well, my initial question, I wanted to.

[Ben Folds]

Know if you liked doing a podcast.

[Adam Carolla]

More than a regular radio show simply.

[Ben Folds]

Because of the non Censorship thing, because.

[Adam Carolla]

You could pretty much do whatever you want. So how much better do you like doing podcasting than being on terrestrial radio? Put him on hold just because he's asked this question. And sometimes the lines go bad. For me, it's a. Any time you can do things roughly on your own schedule, it's a thousand times better. And I don't give a shit if it's eating ice cream, getting a blowjob, or doing a podcast.

[Brian Bishop]

Saturday.

[Gina Grad]

You just described his honeymoon.

[Adam Carolla]

If somebody. How, here I come.

[Brian Bishop]

No pun intended.

[Adam Carolla]

Honey, don't move. You're going to knock over the banana split. Keep your head steady. The point is this. Look, everyone loves an ice cream sundae, let's say. But if someone said, look, at 6:00am every morning you have to get up and eat an ice cream Sunday, by Wednesday that week you'd be like, fuck this. You know what I mean? So just the notion that you can kind of do it on your own pace for any job makes whatever job you're doing twice as good. So if you. Even if you hate your shitty job at a fast food joint, if your boss says, meander in when you're ready, and if you don't feel like coming in on Wednesday, don't come in on Wednesday, automatically it's better. But then obviously the censorship part is great. And obviously not having to, you know, deal with Jack Silver and the rest of the suits and all the suggestions and all that kind of stuff, that's all better. And just conversationally, for me, it is what I think. It's where my strengths lie. And as I've used the analogy more than once, I think people say comedy or hey, the guy's funny, but it's like saying the guy's good at sport. It's like, well, what sport or what sports is he good at? We all know Tiger woods would get his ass kicked by a guy that wasn't even ranked in boxing just because he's not a boxer, that's not his sport. And he'd probably. It always amazes me, by the way, when you see these guys, these world class athletes, these guys in the NBA who are some of the greatest athletes in the world, and they show up at the charity softball game and they look like they can barely swing a bat.

[Brian Bishop]

They just throw out the first pitch of the Dodgers game or whatever. They're out of place completely.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Except for I bounced three to the play on it. But yeah. Which you can't see on YouTube on the Adam Carolla website. Oh, you can. Yes, it's linked up from Kimmel's show. There you go. So the point, I'm sure, was some horribly embarrassing commentary provided by Kimmel as well as well. But the point is this, good athletes, even if they're good athletes, still have their sport.

[Gina Grad]

Fencer and a power lifter and a basketball player and an ice skater are all athletic, extremely athletic, would fail horribly.

[Adam Carolla]

At each other's sports. So for me, sitting around and doing this is probably my sport versus doing a sitcom or doing, I don't know, doing a late night show or doing whatever. So not only do I like the scheduling part, not only do I like the sort of freedom to say what I want part, but also feeds into my sport.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, who's been your best guest recently? Besides us?

[Adam Carolla]

Besides you guys?

[Brian Bishop]

Most interesting, I guess.

[Adam Carolla]

Geez. Well, Francis Ford Coppola was. Was pretty. Pretty interesting guy. I mean, I'd have to say him just for namesake and for interest sake.

[Brian Bishop]

You stood off the air, you hated him. How much you hated guts.

[Gina Grad]

Do you have a dream guest for your podcast?

[Adam Carolla]

Um, let's see. I should get more involved. We. I gotta get Baldwin on this show he was supposed to come on. We were ships in the night when he was out here shooting a movie for three weeks and I was doing my pilot and we couldn't make it happen. Guys like that are the best. I haven't really gone out and chased anyone. I've left that all up to Mike August.

[Brian Bishop]

But what about musicians, like, coming in, like, jamming for a while?

[Adam Carolla]

We haven't, haven't done any music.

[Brian Bishop]

And I saw you had Dexter on from the Offspring. I doubt he played.

[Adam Carolla]

Dexter came in here and Dexter was more of a social thing. Offspring, by the way, great live band. Dexter just wanted to hang out, and so I told him if he was, he was coming out to do Kevin and Bean out from Orange County. So I said, why don't you just keep driving and come to my house and then we'll do an awk. We'll do. Do my podcast and you can sit in and then we'll. And then we'll go out with Greg Fitzsimmons, and then we'll go out and eat some Mexican food, which we did do. He makes a delightful hot sauce, by the way.

[Brian Bishop]

Gringo bandito.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Gringo bandito. Yeah. His whole story was, I guess he has a kid and at some point his nanny was rendered obsolete and he wanted to keep her going. So he said, you do anything else besides rare, rare kids? And she said, hot make hot sauce. And so he started making hot sauce.

[Brian Bishop]

Bottle it up.

[Adam Carolla]

Bottle it up.

[Gina Grad]

I think I see you holding on to Olga well past when the kids are in college.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. She's, she's. I may just marry her as soon as it's get off to college. Yeah, she's good. She's good people. And she's still in touch with the, with her. With her last nanny. Family. Makes me feel a little jealous. I mean, spending the weekend with them. How are they? Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

How's it like over there?

[Adam Carolla]

How's their not so cute twins?

[Brian Bishop]

How's I gonna get the nest?

[Adam Carolla]

Must have been nice to get all the mistakes out of the way with the uncute twins. And now you got to these. Now you got to the cute ones, huh? Yeah. Preps. I have to constantly pressure her on how much she loves our kids more than her old family. That's good times.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, this Adam Krill Show 68. Coming up next, we have Adam Krill Show 666 with Ben Folds, Allison Rosen, Brian Bishop. This one's from 2011. It showcases how the format evolved with Alison Rosen now in the news girl slot. I hope you guys enjoy this one.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, oh, oh. Riley Auto Parts. O'Reilly Auto Parts is in the business of keeping your car on the road. They offer friendly, helpful service and parts and knowledge that you're going to need to maintain and do the repairs yourself. I've always used O'Reilly. I've used to hit the one up on Foothill when I was in La Crescento renting a house, keeping that Isuzu Trooper on the road. And they got thousands of parts and accessories in stock either in their store or online. So you have. Well, you don't have to worry. If you're in a jam, you can go online and get your stuff. You can go into a store and get your stuff. The team at O'Reilly Auto Parts can test your battery for free in or out of your car, which is nice because sometimes it's tough to get those babies out of the car. Need your windshield wipers replaced, brake light fixed or a quick service? Well, they'll help you find the right part or point you to the nearest local repair shop as well and get help there. Whether you're a car aficionado or an auto novice, you're going to find the employees at O'Reilly Auto Parts are knowledgeable, helpful, and best of all, they're friendly. The professional parts People at O'Reilly O'Reilly Auto Parts One Stop Shop for everything, especially if you're a Do it yourselfer for your car in store online, you can stop by O'Reilly Auto Parts and do it today or Visit us online. O'Reilly Auto.com Adam that's O'Reilly Auto.com Adam Hell's gates are open. Get ready to save humanity in Diablo 4 vessel of hatred. Continue the saga and carve your own path through Sanctuary's cursed lands with massive updates to character progression difficulties and loot systems for powerful demon slaying action. Unleash fierce skills as you embark on an immersive campaign. Tackle new co op dungeons and team up with allies using the new party finder. Hell awaits you. Get Diablo 4 and the new expansion Vessel of Hatred, available now in the Diablo 4 expansion bundle, rated M for mature from the Delta Sky Club. Welcome back, Ms. Klein, to the JetBridge. Delta Airlines relies on 5G solutions from T Mobile for business to power operations and serve customers faster. Together we're putting 5G into the hands of ground staff so they can better assist on the go travelers with real time information throughout the airport. This is elevating customer experience. This is Delta Air Lines with T Mobile for business. Take your business further@t mobile.com now. I feel like crap. I'll explain in a second. Good day, Bald Brian. May I urinate off your balcony? Good day, Allison Rosen.

[Joey McIntyre]

Hello, Adam. Carolla.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so what's, what's wrong with me? Do you see my eyes?

[Joey McIntyre]

Yes, they're all bloodshot.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, you see my eyes Ball? Brian, you high dude?

[Joey McIntyre]

Yeah, he actually might be a couple.

[Adam Carolla]

Things working in that department. First off, Ben Folds coming in here. Always excited to see Ben Folds. And he's going to be playing. I think this time we have our keyboard set up for him. All right, I will be semi honest with the audience and tell them that in about three or four weeks I have to go to New York for a project that's going to last a few weeks and it's a good sized project. And I have a bunch of nagging things. My meniscus. I wanted to get my LASIK surgery.

[Brian Bishop]

Your wife.

[Adam Carolla]

I have my wife. There's the kids. There is a couple of wisdom teeth that at the ripe old age of 47 need to be removed. I feel like I've gotten all the knowledge out of them that I need. Now time to jettison them and have a bunch of stuff. And I. And don't worry about the podcast. It will continue. We'll do it from New York. But the point is this. I had a bunch of stuff where I thought, okay, it's time to clean this stuff up before I split. And as I say, throw a party at your house twice a year. It'll force you to douche out the dump. You know what I mean? If you never throw. I mean it.

[Joey McIntyre]

Like, you'll do that thing, spring douching.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Where you go, I need to throw a party at my house. Because it'll force you and whoever you're living with just to douche that place out. You'll clean it better than you've ever cleaned it. You'll clean it again after everyone leaves. And you'll get all that junk that's been sitting in the entry hall, the closet, and piling up. It'll force you to clean it.

[Joey McIntyre]

That's why I have a party in my vagina twice yearly.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. It's like.

[Brian Bishop]

It's like, ironically, it's never cleaner than just before the party.

[Adam Carolla]

White folk are allowed to attend these parties, too. That's the difference. The thing is, it's like selling your car and then not selling it. It's like saying, I'm gonna sell my car this weekend. So you vacuum it out and you get all that junk, those bottles, you know, sport, tote bottle things have been floating around in there, and you sort of clean it up, you make it really nice, and then you don't sell it. That's basically it. So I said, look, I'm going out of town. I got about three weeks. I got a bad knee, I got bad eyes, I got a toothache. I'm gonna start taking care of this stuff. So we start with the meniscus. And now I roll right into this Lasik surgery and the Lasik surgery a little more.

[Brian Bishop]

Did you have it done today?

[Adam Carolla]

Had it done today. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

I know you think yourself is a heavyweight, but you're not supposed to, you know, be.

[Adam Carolla]

I only took three Vicodin.

[Brian Bishop]

You're not supposed to be rubbing or touching or looking.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yeah, I was. I almost.

[Adam Carolla]

You ironically eyeball me, son.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right. I almost had the Lasik surgery and the preamble, the lead up, the instruction from the nurses. Elaborate. Yeah, it took me a lot of instruction.

[Adam Carolla]

It's long. Yeah. Yeah. All right. I'll try not to touch it. The point is this. The show must go on. But it was more painful than I thought when I got home. And I had it late in the afternoon.

[Joey McIntyre]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So it's only been a few hours. So I grabbed a few Vicodin because they told me to keep my eyes closed for Two hours.

[Joey McIntyre]

How was the actual procedure, though? Because you have to keep your eyes open for it.

[Adam Carolla]

It's uncomfortable, but it's not painful. It's like anytime you get a procedure done, there's two indexes. There's the pain index and the uncomfortable index. Like, you know, index finger up your ass. Not as uncomfortable as pulling a metal shard out of your heel, but on the. On the index of discomfort versus pain, you know?

[Joey McIntyre]

You know, I find that they're not entirely parallel lines, like, they intersect at a certain point.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. Oh, no. Absolutely. And look, most people would rather get punched by Mike Tyson than walk out and give a best man's toast with their cock hanging out. You know what I mean? One is uncomfortable, the other is painful, but the pain sometimes better. And we'd all rather have some guy shoot our toe up with novocaine and reset it after we dislocate it versus do the, you know, Clockwork Orange thing. You know, it's just. And that's where the dentistry stuff comes into. It's a. So, you know, they do the best they can do, and they hold your eyes open, but they're dumping things into your eyes while your eyes are held open. And look, we're just backed up because.

[Joey McIntyre]

You held your eyes open real wide, and I saw what's go. Don't do it. Don't do it. There's a lot of redness up there.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, the point is, I have to get Ben Stein on the line. Let's get this straightened out. So, you know, it's Anderson, always a little more than. Than you bargained for. But on the other hand, if you would told folks the ones that survived the Donner Party, hey, you know, how you're seeing is, you know, horrible, and you can't read even if you could read and things like that, 10 minutes of discomfort with a couple of drops, and you'll be right. You know, we're spoiled dicks. I mean, what. The idea of not having to wear glasses for the next 20 years is pretty nice for an afternoon of mild discomfort, but there are certain things that I don't believe the human body was meant to do. You're not. You're not supposed to have four people standing around you holding your eyeballs open with an apparatus and then dumping things into it. There's a reflex. It's sort of why you can't kill yourself by holding your breath. It's just a certain point. Your body just does it right. So, anyway, had that done. Got a little Vicodin in Me, I'm not going to lie. So we got that to look forward to tonight. And then also went to the dentist today to talk about the wisdom tooth pull. And I just want to say this to everyone who's in a position of power or authority. When you're dealing with people that are feeling a little nervous and apprehensive, there's many ways you can approach this. And a lot of people do a lot of like, oh man, oh boy. You know, it's, you're exacerbating the situation, which is, oh boy, how's that? You know, as I mentioned, you know, I got to the racetrack, I had a bunch of people come up to me and go, oh man, how are you going to keep up with John Mortenstein? And I hit A wall about 20 minutes later, you know, instead of, hey man, you can drive. Have fun out there, you know, there's a way to do it. This dentist, I love the guy, you know, he just walks in, he looks at me, throws the teeth up there he goes, there's the right side of your mouth and he puts a big R there. And he goes, here's the left side. And I said, no need to mark the left. Once you've established a right, we'll do the math. Not a lot of options after that. He started laughing. He said, you got a wisdom tooth back here that's no good. The other one, I don't even know what it's doing there. So while I'm there kind of thing, might as well get that. And then you got a post. You got two posts. One of them looks good and the other one doesn't look good. So I'm going to get rid of the two wisdom teeth in the post. I'll knock you out, you won't even know what happened. I'll do this in 20 minutes. This is nothing. So, And I just, I just remember when he left, I went like, oh, thank you. I feel just that, just that thing of like, you'll be under, you won't even know what happened. I may take a, I may take a hit off a flask before I do this. I'm so fucking confident myself. Like just a well put together guy just giving you, oh yeah, that's nothing. Without all the sort of judging and the, well, what happened in here? And the geez, how long's it been? Or the why didn't you come see? And when was the last time? And do you do a lot of flossing? And if not, maybe you should, you know, wasn't all that Preamble. It was just that one. That one. They're going 20 minutes about your teeth, not you. That's right. And you'll be under, so who cares? And I was like, oh, felt good about that. Then when went and got my eyeballs blasted immediately after that. Now it's weird because I just had this. Proceed. Hell's gates are open. Get ready to save humanity in Diablo 4. Vessel of hatred. Continue the saga and carve your own path through Sanctuary's cursed lands with massive updates to character progression difficulties and loot systems for powerful demon slaying action. Unleash fierce skills as you embark on an immersive campaign. Tackle new co op dungeons and team up with allies using the new party finder. Hell awaits you. Get Diablo 4 and the new expansion Vessel of Hatred. Available now in the Diablo 4 expansion bundle, rated M for mature. From hobby farmers to weekend gardeners and everyone in between, tractor supply trust 5G solutions from T Mobile for business. To make shopping more personal. Together we're connecting over 2200 stores with 5G business Internet and powering AI so team members can match shoppers with products faster. You're all set. This is enriching customer experience. This is Tractor Supply with T Mobile for business. Take your business further@t mobile.com now. You're like four hours ago. So my vision isn't great, but when I put my glasses on to read something, it gets worse. So I'm a little in between. I want to talk about my good friends over at Sports Legends Live. Tired of the old cliches, watching those stupid games, all those fat announcers sitting around. This is the National Football League. And you know, they do that stuff where they go like, you know, what happened in high school doesn't change what goes on on Sunday. Irrelevant. Doesn't affect the score, that, you know, who wins the game, the team who scores the most touchdowns. All that bs. It's all that nonsense.

[Brian Bishop]

It's all true. But it's all ridiculous.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, it's all. That's why it's worse though.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

If it wasn't true. If it was just like they said, you know, the team that wins the most is the team that eats the most mushrooms. Like that would make it interesting. Yeah, but you know, they do a thing where fourth quarter ends, you got more points than they do, you win the game. All right. Not even. No, no. And that's why some genius came up with Sports Legends Live. You can hang out and talk to actual sports legends. Right? Sports Legends live dot com. So what you do is you want to watch a game, you want to enjoy the game. You log on to sports legends live.com during the game and you pick your game, you pick your legend, and then you ask questions, you share comments. It's like Jay Novacek from the Dallas Cowboys whose best friend, by the way, there's a Super bowl ring. Irving Friar. Irving lost in the super bowl, cut his finger like on a chili bowl the day before. I don't remember all the details. Willie Galt, bears 85. Fastest guy on the planet for a long time and more.

[Brian Bishop]

Sean Salisbury.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, where'd he go? Oh, right. Fresno State. All right. Even if you're at the stadium, you can use your smartphone or your tablet. It's unbelievable. What the heck kind of time are we living in?

[Brian Bishop]

It's pretty amazing. You can interact with them too, like asking questions. It's pretty fantastic.

[Adam Carolla]

So, and I will call it very, very reasonable. Sports legends live.com. that's right. It's like having a legend in your living room. All right, shall we push forward? I want, I want to tell you guys something. Could be the Viking talking.

[Joey McIntyre]

Oh, good.

[Adam Carolla]

But let me, let me just say this. And at the risk, I know sometimes there's a double edged sword to talking about money, which is, oh, you're bragging about your money. And on the other hand, a lot of celebrities don't talk about money or how much things cost and they just sort of pretend to be poor. And one of everyone else and I decided a long time ago, listen, if whatever somebody pays me to do a commercial or something, or whatever they pay you to do, whatever, I'll tell you, if somebody said, what do they pay to do Dancing with the Stars? I'll tell you. I don't know what they paid me. It wasn't that much. But I'll find out and tell you. No, I'll tell you on a commercial or whatever it is. And unless they specifically say don't. But you know, talking about money is always weird and it's always like, well, you're talking about money and there's people there trying to make ends meet and all that kind of stuff. I was, I'm attempting or in the process of selling a warehouse and buying another warehouse which is much closer to this warehouse and it'll just be a dedicated race shop. Just all the car stuff, all the tools. Right now this place is a sort of mishmash of tools and woodworking stuff and broadcasting stuff and actually expanding this building another studio, building another control room, having some edit bays, really taking The Ace broadcasting sort of to the next level right now. It's hard because there's a bandsaw right behind where Dawson would be expanding to. And there's all of the cars and all the crap and all.

[Joey McIntyre]

We got our hair drying room.

[Adam Carolla]

We can have the hair drying room. Thank you. So speaking of blowing, you gotta earn that bar. The point is this. There's another warehouse and it's nearby, and I want it. And right now, banks ain't handing out loans. And every time I talk to my realtor, you know, it's a lot of. Well, you know, it's not like it was. And they wanted 30% down, you know, when a large down payment and they're really checking everyone out, cloaks, you know, with a fine tooth comb. And, you know, they're not handing them out like they were because then, you know, they got burned and a lot of people foreclosed and they missed their payments, all that kind of stuff. So that's the climate we're living in now.

[Brian Bishop]

I've been hearing the same story for the last, whatever, two or three months. It's the same thing. It's never like it was. Not like it was never. Nothing ever seems to be like it was, by the way, in your favor. It's like, oh, it's not like it was. Is much better. Now you're in luck, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Unless you're black. But I know what you're saying. And so you're getting the speech of. I'm saying, look, if I could give 20% down instead of 25 or 30% down, that would save me some pretty good money. I'm not that worried about the payment. But the big nut that I'm putting down up front, if we keep it to 20%, that'd be awesome. And blah, blah, blah. And I'm getting a lot of, well, not like it was a lot people. And I thought, why isn't it based on my personal past performance?

[Joey McIntyre]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, I'm not a guy whose wife worked at a supermarket bagging groceries. And I worked over at the Budweiser Brewery. And then we got in over our head at a house in Sherman Oaks. And the next thing you know, she got laid off and I missed a few payments and everything's beat, been repossessed. And I thought, this is the simplest thing in the world. You look, you turn on a computer, you look at. Forget about what anyone else around me has done or in my neighborhood or anywhere else. You just look at me, treat me like a student. Well, it's not like well, the guy sitting next to you had a lower gpa, so now yours is being dry, right? Just look at mine and then base it simply on the merits of whatever I've done for good or for bad.

[Joey McIntyre]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

And by the way, when it is bad, like you've had a couple of bankruptcies or something, they do hold that against you. So just punch up my fucking file and take a look at it. And here I. Here is a brief but super long overview of my buying history. And yet again, neither here nor there. In first house I bought here and there.

[Brian Bishop]

By the way, this is especially like pertinent, right to your buying goals?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, for me it's pertinent in the. I don't like what our society has become. I don't like the fact that everyone just gets lumped into one thing. It's seeing my five year old daughter have to kick off her flip flops and send them through the X ray machine. It's seeing Sandy Duncan's grandmother getting patted down after she's lifted out of her wheelchair. You know what I mean? It's like this one size fits all, you know, we know you're not Al Qaeda and we know you've never defaulted on a loan, but you still have to go through the same shit. Just like you. Well, it's essentially you being punished for something you didn't do, which I don't like. All right. I bought my first house at the end of 96 and it was about 350k and the payment was $3000 a month. And by the way, I'm not even going to add this up because it's going to make me cry. I bought a condo. Next. Now I'll tell you when I sell something. I didn't sell anything.

[Brian Bishop]

Do you remember how much you put down that first house? Because 3,000 is really high for a $350,000 house, isn't it?

[Adam Carolla]

No, I. The. I'm sorry, the payment was $3,000.

[Joey McIntyre]

Of the down payment?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I don't.

[Brian Bishop]

Down payment.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't remember what the down payment was. It was 20, 25%.

[Brian Bishop]

Isn't 3,000 really high?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know, maybe six, who knows? Yeah, it was 96 and maybe I did it or whatever it was, and maybe it was 2900 or whatever it is. I got a second mortgage, by the way, on the place because I had to finish it. I was doing construction. It went up to like borrowed like another hundred grand and went up to like 4,000. Then I bought a condo for like 150 grand. And that payment was like only like 8 or 900 bucks a month. Then I bought the party house. The party house was in Sherman Oaks. That party house was like 700, 700k or something. And the payments were like 5,000, 6,000amonth. Again, top of my head sort of stuff. Then I bought this warehouse that we're in. Was like 560, 565 payments for about four or five thousand dollars a month.

[Brian Bishop]

How long ago was that?

[Adam Carolla]

That was about six, seven years ago. You have to ask Donnie when he moved in his first minibike. Then when we were doing the TV show, I bought my dad's old house for about 850 and those payments were like five, six grand a month. Then I bought a huge warehouse. It's actually where I shot the boxing scenes. It's the one I'm selling now where I shot the boxing scenes for the Hammer. That thing was like 2.3 million bucks or something. And with association fees because like a condo, that was like $18,000 a month.

[Joey McIntyre]

What warehouse association is there?

[Adam Carolla]

If you're in certain kinds of warehouses or sort of like condo y warehouses. The point is, I sold the party house at a certain point. I can't remember, but it was. I think I sold it after the warehouse. I can't recall. Then there's the house I'm living in now. That house was like 1.6 million bucks or something. That payment warehouse, that payment was like eight grand a month. And then Ray's stupid house he wanted me to go in on for something that was going to flip. That never worked out. That thing was like five. I don't know, like ball. Brian, can you tell me your price? Tell me your price of your house.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it's public records, right? Yeah, yeah, it's. Well, it was originally listed for 699. And they got it for 650 or something.

[Adam Carolla]

And what's your monthly payment?

[Brian Bishop]

It's. It's a little over 2000. I mean that's the mortgage. But the thing is the interest rates are low right now. Right. And also I think we're just paying like almost all like interest.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh yeah, it is all interest.

[Brian Bishop]

But that's not surprised when you said you're paying so much more per month for a cheaper house.

[Adam Carolla]

But the rates must have been 96. And again, some of this is just. I remember it was three grand a month or 2,800 bucks a month when I bought my first house. And then I bought Malibu. And Malibu was the whole town. Yeah, the Whole town of Malibu. That payment is like 15,000 bucks a month. Wow, okay.

[Joey McIntyre]

What did you buy there?

[Adam Carolla]

A house.

[Joey McIntyre]

Yeah, but you didn't say here.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that, that house was like three six or three four. Three, four. Three four, let's say. Okay, so for the last 15 years, I've been paying probably an average out of about $35,000 a month. I have never been late, I've never missed a payment. There's never been a problem. There has never been an issue. As a matter of fact, the warehouse I'm selling now at 19,000 bucks a month, the new one, if and when they prove it, it'll be more like 7,500 bucks a month. You could lop 10 grand off the payment. And I'm just sitting here looking at all these multiple properties. Houses, warehouses, condos. Some rented, some I rented out one or two. I flipped, but I carried a nut. Just a real estate nut that was close to probably about 40 or $50,000 a month for 10 or 15 years and not at the very beginning. True, but I got started, I got right and the deal. Never been late, never missed a payment. So with me, what kind of risk are we talking about? And why the fuck do I have to get in line behind the people that don't have this fucking history? And people go, well, what makes you special? Well, a couple things. This, this makes me special. And two, I'm not asking for anything special. I'm asking for what I've earned, not what you fucked up.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, devil's advocate, because I agree with you. But maybe this is, maybe this is it. That's an awful lot of. That's a huge nut. You know what I'm saying? That's right, you're over, I wouldn't say over leveraged, but also you're self employed, which means you're not getting like, they can't see the, here's your paycheck.

[Adam Carolla]

Some of these things have been sold. And as far as your paycheck goes, they just take whatever you've made over the last like two or three years and do it. And I'm not, I've not been denied. I just don't like having a history of paying thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars and never being a day late on a payment. And having them go, well, cross your fingers, I'll go to the bank and see what they say. Like, can't those ass wives just one swipe of the mouse and have that thing light up like a fucking pinball machine and you'll see no foreclosures and no late payments and no anythings. And then anyone with a fucking brain cell to rub together would just look at and go, give this guy whatever he wants.

[Joey McIntyre]

Becky Honkington wouldn't have this problem.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my God.

[Brian Bishop]

It's also like alchemy, too. Like, it's never a formula. They're always like, well, I go to the bank. I know the guy there, and, you know, he knows that I wrote good loans and blah, blah, blah. It's like, well, I hope all that works.

[Adam Carolla]

I know this. In life, it's all you need to know. And by the way, there's a negative side of this.

[Joey McIntyre]

Yeah, there are a bunch, but they only use the negative side of it, Right?

[Adam Carolla]

So you have to pass the negative side and clear the negative bar. But if you have a stellar history of paying everyone. I mean, even back when I rented apartments and my. For, you know, I had nothing in the bank, and I was, like, working under the table, and I was doing construction, and it was like, I just would tell the person, I've never missed a payment. Like, I always pay. That's. I wish we had a society that was sort of constructed on that.

[Joey McIntyre]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Just take a look at the page, see what he's done, and move forward.

[Brian Bishop]

You know, it's kind of like that. And you're a big fan of ebay.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean?

[Brian Bishop]

Because you carry around a number that rates you, and you can go back and see what everyone has said about you. Fast shipper, fast pay, or whatever it is.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? And we have a high rating.

[Brian Bishop]

That's all rating that follows you around, and that's how people, you know, judge whether they want to do business with you or not.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Yes, it is. If only everything was more like ebay. All right, shall we do a little news?

[Joey McIntyre]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know where Ben Folds is, but when he comes in, international news, we'll bring him in next to Donny's Minibikes. This is the News with Allison Rosen.

[Joey McIntyre]

Hi, this is Becky Honkington to the news. But I must say, first, I'm a little distracted because I made the mistake, which I keep making, of going to the message boards last night and reading the comments. And to me, it's sort of like recreational drug use. You can pretty much get by. You'll be okay. But then all of a sudden, you'll be like, oh, I'm in over my head. So I've been.

[Brian Bishop]

Message board.

[Joey McIntyre]

Yeah. I've been a little stung all day.

[Adam Carolla]

What happened, because.

[Joey McIntyre]

Okay, so this is not the message board. This is the comments on our site, which is especially cruel.

[Brian Bishop]

Pointed.

[Joey McIntyre]

Yes. So anyway, they're discussing whether or not I sleep with the guests, which is, you know, why not? That's what I say before I sleep with them. And then someone, you know, so they're thinking, like, probably I do. And then I can't remember the exact wording, but someone said that even the ugly guests get to sleep with her if they're willing. Chubby girls are always down to fucking.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that's true, but you are not chubby, first off.

[Joey McIntyre]

And if tears come out of my eyes, it's only because I have sympathetic pain. With your lasiks?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. And I cannot see them or recognize them from this distance.

[Joey McIntyre]

It's only because of the.

[Adam Carolla]

And the procedure that I had. And first off, I feel like we need to define chubby versus husky. Don't worry. This is going to come around.

[Joey McIntyre]

I don't feel better yet.

[Adam Carolla]

Lose the way. Chubby. No, now. But that's. That's a good one, because as I've said, the getting one and a half stars stings. Getting minus four stars. Not bad. Oh, you see what I'm saying?

[Joey McIntyre]

It's, like, so mean that it shouldn't hurt.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, mean and just sort of off, you know?

[Joey McIntyre]

Well, see, thank you for saying that. It's funny because there's a lot of comments I read, like, people that think that I'm stupid or that I'm this or that. And that just rolls off, because I know I'm not dumb, but this one, like, struck a fucking nerve.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you feel chubby?

[Joey McIntyre]

Yeah. Okay. I have battled my weight for years.

[Brian Bishop]

But do you feel chubby? Like, every girl feels chubby? Or do you really think you're a chubby person?

[Joey McIntyre]

I don't know anymore. I honestly don't know.

[Brian Bishop]

I can see both.

[Joey McIntyre]

I feel like, okay, here's the thing. I feel like every girl who thinks they're chubby doesn't. None of every girl who thinks they're chubby thinks they're really chubby. Like, there's no. I mean, there's probably, like, a stick somewhere who's like, oh, I'm so fat. But they know deep down they aren't right. But I don't really know. I mean, I think the reason that this stung is because it just brought me back to, like, yeah, here we go. There. Even the ugly guys get to fuck Allison. If they're willing. Chubby girls are always down to fuck.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, my name is Juan Hernandez. I want that on the door so we can slap it like when Notre Dame does, to play like champions. Okay, but let's, let's see if we can deconstruct this, because I've never really, never really done this. Most girls are carrying around more weight than they would like, certainly than society would portray.

[Joey McIntyre]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

And you go back to the media and people say, the media, they keep portraying women is this way and they put forth these. Whatever. I'm not going to say the media puts it forth. I'm saying the media creates it by the actual physical, mechanical media, which is if you're not super skinny and you're on tv, you look fat.

[Joey McIntyre]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Plain and simple. It's a, it's a, it's, it's a very weird. It's, it's, it's a, it's a thing that. It's unfair. But if you, the women they use on TV are unnecessarily skinny because, you know, Whitney Cummings is unnecessarily skinny in real life. Looks good on TV because that's the way it works. It's sort of, I don't know, small dude syndrome. Like the guys, the sort of Tom Cruise's and the guys that just adjacent Priestley's of the world. The guys that have the, they have symmetry, but they're, but they're little. It's not good for people that are normal size. So you physically watch yourself on TV and it never, it's never right. Like, you just look cute, number one. Number two, you're going to be the size you're going to be. I mean, we've all done that thing where you, like, you've been with that person and that person has been saying, you know, they got to lose 10 pounds. And it's been 12 years. Like pretty much people are who they are and they're going to be who they are. And the good news is there's more people that perpetually want to lose 10 pounds than there are Kate Mosses of the world. So, you know, you guys certainly have numbers in girth on your side. But the point is it's going to get better. Yeah.

[Joey McIntyre]

It's not yet.

[Adam Carolla]

How has this negatively affected you, this comment?

[Joey McIntyre]

It got.

[Adam Carolla]

No, not the comment. Not the comment. I just mean you're walking around feeling this way, like we all have a I'm walking around feeling. I don't like certain things about myself. This guy doesn't like certain things or that girl doesn't. But what has it gotten in the way of? I mean, hypothetically, you're 10 pounds overweight guys don't ask you out for dates.

[Joey McIntyre]

No, they do.

[Adam Carolla]

When they have sex with you, they remove their penis and put on the end of a mop handle and use it, use it on you from a safe distance through like a loose sight barrier.

[Joey McIntyre]

Well, here's the thing. Chubby girls are down to fuck. So I'm easy. I'm easy and I'm undiscerning. So basically, if they'll have sex with me, I'm in.

[Adam Carolla]

But if 9 out of 10 girls on the planet, or at least in this country, if nine out of ten of them could lose ten pounds or would like to lose ten pounds, but are happily married, then what's the difference? And their husband wants to get down with them more than they want to get down with their husband. You know what I mean? Like every time you turn on the television set and it's one of those. And then he was driving his Humvee in the convoy and that's when landmine went off. And they're interviewing the loving 27 year old wife with the two kids who stateside, she always has an extra 15 pounds on her. This guy would bang the bejesus out of her if he had his right leg back and his penis. And the point is really, what's the difference?

[Joey McIntyre]

But see, that's the thing. It's not the adult sitting here thinking about it. It's like the child me who's like, leave me alone. You know, it's just, it just hurts. Yeah, it just hurts my feelings. It's more just like. I don't. Because you're totally right. But it's just coming from a place of. I don't want to be name called. I don't want people fucking like, Understood.

[Adam Carolla]

Allison. I want to talk to the geriatric. You.

[Joey McIntyre]

Oh, is that the present one?

[Adam Carolla]

You're going to be dead soon. I know. I should just move on. You know what I mean? Yeah.

[Joey McIntyre]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, you're going to finish that and share the point is. No, I know it always sucks and it never feels good, but really practically. Do you know what I mean? Has there ever been a scene where you went out with a guy and he went on two dates and then the third date he said, I can't go because you have eight pounds on you.

[Joey McIntyre]

No, that's the thing. It doesn't affect any part of my life. It doesn't affect my social life. It doesn't affect. I mean, I'm in a relationship. It's like it's, it's, it's more. It's just with a name.

[Adam Carolla]

With three parents, but she's in a relationship.

[Brian Bishop]

Don't trivialize Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Manny, Mo and Jack are more man than sorry.

[Joey McIntyre]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

No, you have a man. Right?

[Joey McIntyre]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I know.

[Joey McIntyre]

I know what you're saying. It's more just. It's more just like, oh, how can people. How can they be so mean? You know?

[Adam Carolla]

Can I. I've said it once. I've say it again. All the jigaboos and the wet backs and all that great stuff that we love so much growing up, they're all off the table now. There's really nothing anymore. And a lot of it got funneled into fat. It's a great Bob Dylan song. The point is we have a certain amount of energy to make fun of people or people that are different than us. And it all got pulled off the table. There's no more of it. But fat. Fat remains. So people are doubling down on the fat.

[Joey McIntyre]

Right? Right. Some of them are on the Atkins diet. But I do think that on the message boards, all the things that are off the table, they're there. Those people aren't respecting.

[Adam Carolla]

But not like racial things.

[Joey McIntyre]

Have you read the comments?

[Adam Carolla]

I didn't know we had a message board.

[Joey McIntyre]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Joey McIntyre]

So, yeah, there's some racial stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, Jew doesn't really count.

[Joey McIntyre]

I'm not even talking about me, really. I just.

[Adam Carolla]

See, I've just seen. What would they do? Like, what's a good racial thing?

[Joey McIntyre]

I think they're not afraid to use the N word.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Brian Bishop]

You people are rednecks.

[Adam Carolla]

I gotta check that out. Now I'm intrigued. I didn't know that it was just a bunch of guys praising the show. I didn't know they're throwing around N bombs.

[Joey McIntyre]

But let's talk about for a second, just being in the public eye and reading comments. Bad idea. Is the answer to get a thicker skin? You think all the blubber would protect me? Or is the answer to just avoid it?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Oh, look, there's two types of public eye stuff that you have to sort of deal with. Like, you know, when a magazine and Entertainment, you know, Entertainment Weekly does an article on you, you almost have to read it. That's it. Or, you know, if you write a book and they do a review, you gotta read it. But that's theoretically a professional who's writing for a professional. And it can make you that much more angry because you're like, this professional screwed this up this badly. But the comment boards now don't want.

[Brian Bishop]

To with that Yeah, I get negative comments on Twitter from time to time, just like anyone else. And I, for some reason, delight in retweeting. You know what I'm saying? I always retweet them just because I think it's funny on the one hand. On the other hand, it's like, embrace the negative and it can never hurt you that much. You know what I mean?

[Joey McIntyre]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. All right.

[Brian Bishop]

That's philosophy.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, baby. Shake it off.

[Joey McIntyre]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. When do I think Ben Folds is here, by the way?

[Joey McIntyre]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

I think what we'll do is take a quick break. Maybe I'll. Maybe I'll give a little love to go to my PC, and then we'll take a quick break, and then we'll bring Ben Folds out, and then we'll do the news with the great Ben Folds. And also, I. Somebody tweeted me the, like, 500 best songs of all time, and I pulled them off. I want to go over a few of these with Ben Folds according to who's the list? It's the Rolling Stones. Editors, fans, contributors, you know, it's readers and writers.

[Brian Bishop]

All they do is list now. They don't write any articles anymore.

[Adam Carolla]

All they do is lists. Yeah. Yeah. And we'll pull also my new favorite. See if I can give Ben a little shot of my Michael Jackson. Keith. State of shock. Yeah. State of shock. Yeah. Love that song. Hey, go to my PC. Life unpredictable. You don't know when you're gonna get called husky and devastated. Come on, baby. Life short. Wake up now. Or at least don't do it around me. Was she a great big fat person? I recommend GoToMyPC, brought to you by Citrix. Stay productive despite the unexpected. I don't feel like enough is being made out of GoToMyPC. I mean, trapped in an airport or just hanging out or just at a Starbucks or at a park or whatever.

[Brian Bishop]

You want to travel light.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Access your work computer, your home computer, Mac, PC, doesn't matter. You can do it from your iPad now. You can work on any file, use any program, access the your internal work documents. It doesn't matter. It's just anything you want to get, you can get it with GoToMyPC. Sign up cheap, easy. Work wherever you want. Go to my PC. Try it free. 45 days free. Free for 45 days. Don't be a holes. Sorry, but come on, it's 45 days free. Visit GoToMyPC.com, click on the try it free button and use the promo code Adam. And remember.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I kind of like this Vico. Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't be an a hole. Don't be an a hole. Take a quick break. One of one of the musicians I really admire the great Ben Folds. Next. Oh, love this song. Ben Father, everybody. TV show the Sing Off. Monday nights, 8pm on NBC. Great to have you back so soon, Ben. This is a treat.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, good to be back.

[Adam Carolla]

I didn't think I'd be back this soon. Look what happened. Yeah. The best imitation of myself, by the way. Three CD box set out October 11th. You can pre order it on Amazon. If you're going to go to Amazon, how about you click through AdamCarolla.com and we get a little love. Help support the show. So you buy Ben Fold's box set, but instead of going straight to Amazon, go to AdamKroll.com, hit the banner. Pow. Costs the same. We get a little love. Ben gets some love. Everyone's happy. Win.

[Brian Bishop]

Win.

[Adam Carolla]

Three new tracks, by the way, from Benfolds. Five included in that. And Ben has. I think it's our keyboard in front of him and. Oh, now it's off. Well, that's just perfect, isn't it? They took my voice. There we go. There we go. Ben somebody. I don't think it had to do with you coming on the show, but someone just gave me a tweet and it was the 500 best songs by according to Rolling Stone magazines. And it always pisses me off because it's always just Bob Dylan at the top. And what always makes me angry. It's sort of like the one where they do the hundred hottest chicks. It's not.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm in that.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, no, I know. That's why. That's where we stepped on it, Ben. But that's where I was heading here anyway. FHM put out a list of greatest keyboardists who looked good in what they call a banana hammock. So what pisses me off is when they take a really hot chick and they put her at 98, but then they have a bunch of chicks that aren't as hot, that are above her. That's the part that pisses me off. I don't want those chicks on the list in general, but once you get my hottie down there and you put other chicks above, it drives me nuts. Like, I'm not a. I'm not a. I don't like Bruce Springsteen as much as everyone else does. Well, it's nonstop Bruce Springsteen talk around my house and it's starting to drive me nuts. But I recognize the guy's amazing Performer and all that good stuff. But Born to run is number 21. And Maybelline by Chuck Berry is number 18. And Maybelline is just Maybelline. Why can't you be true? Oh, maybe. I mean, it's a ditty. It's a nursery rhyme. I mean, Chuck Berry's Chuck Berry, but it's no fucking Born To Run. No, Born to Run is sort of gone. You know, like Maybelline's an episode of Jackass and Born runs and is gone with the win. You know what I mean? It's just completely different. Why can't you be true?

[Joey McIntyre]

It's like, songs is too wide a category.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And it's weird. Songs like Bo Diddley. And Bo Diddley is like Bo Diddley, Boley. He's. It's literally like if you wrote a song called Ben Folds. Ben Folds, Ben Folds, don't you pick up that keyboard. Ben Folds, Ben Folds, don't you head over to the coin op laundry. Ben Folds, that's really good. Ben Folds, Ben Folds. Now don't you get. Chill shaving, Ben folds, that's number 16.

[Brian Bishop]

You've done it.

[Joey McIntyre]

Vicodin brings out the musicality in you.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Also, you know, much I hate Prince. Prince, sorry. But like. Like A Day in the Life, which is a great Beatles song, right? That is. That's below, like, Good Vibrations by, you know, the Beach Boys, which is, like, good song. It's just a pop song. It's no day in the life. I don't know how they figure this stuff out. And one of the songs.

[Brian Bishop]

This is the Vicodin talking. Really, really Good Vibrations.

[Adam Carolla]

Good Vibrations, it's a pop.

[Brian Bishop]

You're not gonna get Ben Foles on board with this.

[Adam Carolla]

No Day in the Life is a better song than Good Vibrations.

[Brian Bishop]

I like that song better than Good Vibrations myself.

[Adam Carolla]

You do?

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

See, a genius. I'll tell you a song that never gets tossed in here, but it's great, is Papa Was a Rolling Stone. It's in there. It's not in there. And again, it's got a whole bunch of shitty songs in front of it. Like Dancing in the Streets by Martha and the Vandellas, which is dancing. It's just a shitty song. I know it's old, but it can still be shitty. Papa Was a Rolling Stone is awesome because there's a line in the song where he goes, papa was a rolling stone Wherever he laid his hat was his home and when he died all he left us was alone and I just love that all he left us was a Loneline. You want to play something? Do you have something in mind? Do you have anything?

[Brian Bishop]

I don't know, any Bruce Springsteen?

[Adam Carolla]

What? I don't know. There you go. Well, Adam Carolla, sitting around talking shit on the show. I'm talking about going. Going out to the edge. I'll give you a few cues. Yeah. You tell Becky to get on the back of your motorcycle. Becky, back on your goddamn motorcycle. Going out to the edge of town. Going out to the edge of town. I know your papa don't like me oh, your papa eats my guts. But your uncle's a big fan. But your uncle is a pretty big fan. I don't have any money. Don't have any money? No, don't have. But, yeah. Got no job. But I got a dream. But I got a dream. That's right. My turn, my wiener. And we have to do this thing where we're going to drive and we're never going to look back.

[Joey McIntyre]

Yes. What happens if they want to change lanes?

[Adam Carolla]

I know. And someone's like, in their pride zone.

[Joey McIntyre]

They couldn't look back.

[Adam Carolla]

No. That'd be a very safe lane change. Yeah. Ben. So are you out here in LA now filming?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, we're working on that sing off show still.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. How's that going? Do you really well? Do you find people on that show and go, jesus Christ, that guy's better than me?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, actually, I'm amazed at how many people really sing. Well, they just sing their asses off. Like these kids from Dartmouth University, and there's like 18 of them on stage. And when I went to school, I didn't think there were that many people around me that could sing that well.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

Some reason. They all go to the same school and they all sing great. I don't know how it happens.

[Joey McIntyre]

And yet all schools have, like a Glee club. Makes you listen to their singing all the time.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

They're no Dartmouth, but there are a lot of acapella groups.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And a lot of them can sing.

[Brian Bishop]

A lot better than you would think. It's just something it used to be. I think what's cool about this age used to be you sort of had to have a license to sing and a stylist and a publicist and all this stuff. And I think that people are sort of taken that back and normal people are singing and that's kind of healthier.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I feel like everyone is able to do sort of everything. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Photographers. Everyone's a great photographer.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Really? You grab some kid's iPhone and there's better shots than Ansel Adams ever peeled off. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Instagram. If Ansel had that, he'd have been.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that's true, too. All right. You have some news?

[Joey McIntyre]

I do.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, by the way, when Doves Cry is on this list. Well, it's always a Bob Dylan song. It's like a Rolling Stone, which I think feels like an inside job with Rolling Stone magazine, But it's a fine. It's all right. But it's not a very good song. And then Satisfaction is number two, which I don't find to be a very good song. Where's.

[Brian Bishop]

Where's the first entry of Black Blind Blues Guy?

[Adam Carolla]

There has to be. Yeah. They throw What's Going on by Marvin Gaye is. Which actually, sadly, is Last Words. What's going on, dad?

[Brian Bishop]

Probably true.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You shouldn't be laughing at that. Respect by Aretha Franklin is up there. Then Good Vibrations, and it just keeps going and going and going. But again, when Doves Cry is. Let's see, there's common people on that list.

[Brian Bishop]

That's a great song.

[Adam Carolla]

Great song. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Kind of doubt it would make the 500 greatest of all time. That's a fantastic song.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. It's too good.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, I don't know if they're going for good. Maybe they're just going for popular, influential, historic. Like significant. Historically significant.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm just saying. When doves cry is 20 spots above superstition by Stevie Wonder and 45 above Thunder Road by Bruce Springsteen. I mean, it's just. I call back now, remember, you got to get on the bike. We're going to the edge of town on the bike. Yeah. Gonna get over my skateboard. No, no, it's a motorcycle. Freak all the kitties out. No, no, you can't. Can't hop on the back of the. I'll. I'll give you the Bruce. I'll take.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't have the lyrics down.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't have to. It's just your dad doesn't like Chick Edge of Town, you know, and once while you work in the factory closing down. But don't say they just opened a brand spanking new factory. It's awesome.

[Brian Bishop]

No, no, no. That wouldn't be good news, right?

[Adam Carolla]

That would.

[Brian Bishop]

That we wouldn't get on the top.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

Under with that.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. All right. Allison Rosen, do you have some news for us? Live from the International News center, next to Donnie's minibikes, the. This is the News with Allison Rosen. Hold on. Where's my state of shock? Or what's my Mick Jagger song that I've been going nuts on, sitting here in a state of shock. Suck it, Mac. I heard this song the other day, Ben, and I forgot that it ever existed. And Mick Jagger and Michael Jackson got together. Mick Jagger and Michael Jackson got together. And this is what came out.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, hell yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

This is like if Denzel Washington and Halle Berry got together to have a kid and the kid ended up looking like Danny DeVito. Gotta be mine. Good job. It's pretty complex, Ben. I don't know if you're up to it. Gonna ride to the edge of town. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Coming around with the song.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, no, you're not. Here's where it really gets bad. This is two of the best songwriters of our time getting together to create something, you know?

[Joey McIntyre]

Yes. It's less than the sum of its parts.

[Adam Carolla]

Come on, let me in. Wow. All right. Please, baby, please. Right, right. Please, baby, please.

[Brian Bishop]

The whole thing is that one guitar lick over and over again. They don't change.

[Adam Carolla]

Would you eat green ham and eggs and ham in a box with a fox like you know you should. All right. Now the news.

[Joey McIntyre]

Tonight's news is brought to you by the new Nissan Versa and my versa road trip.com visit myversaroadtrip.com before October 20th for a chance to win a road trip and a new Versa.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. See, everything's better with a little music underneath it.

[Joey McIntyre]

Longtime 60 Minutes commentator Andy Rooney will end his regular run on the program this Sunday. The 92 year old first joined CBS News in 1949 and has appeared on 60 Minutes since 1978, during which time he's provided more than a thousand end of show essays. This Sunday's broadcast will feature a Rooney retrospective followed by his usual weekly segment when he will announce the conclusion of his regular appearances on the program. However, he may still pop up from time to time. In a statement, CBS News chairman and 60 Minutes executive producer Jeff Fager said it's harder for him to do it every week, but he will always have the ability to speak his mind on 60 Minutes. When the urge hits him, sure they're.

[Adam Carolla]

Going to take his key and lock him out of the building. It's sad. He was doing great and then he stepped on his eyebrows and broke his hip. And you're never right after. So sad. Yeah, you just never right after you step on that eyebrow.

[Joey McIntyre]

I know.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm getting lots of tweets in the Complexault department. You should take Andy Rooney's.

[Joey McIntyre]

Yeah, I do.

[Adam Carolla]

I like that. I mean, I like doing. There's no. It would Never happen. But I do it.

[Brian Bishop]

Does everyone talk of that, by the way? I gave it a casual conversation with, like, with your agent or. You know what I'm saying? Because you would be a great fit for that.

[Adam Carolla]

You would be surprised how few conversations I have about things that seem to be sort of almost brutally obvious to other people. Like, you should do that. Why don't you do that? It's never come up. And they've never asked. They would never know. They would never ask in a billion years.

[Joey McIntyre]

So now the comp assault part for you is that you feel like they're calling you a curmudgeon.

[Adam Carolla]

Nobody really likes. And I liked him. I always liked the Andy Rooney section. It was like, you know, it was a harmless 2. 2 minutes and 10 seconds. It wasn't laugh out loud hysterical, but there was like, some cute points. And people would send him things and he'd hold it up, like. I mean, I don't know how you could have a problem with it, but I think a lot of I think was. I think it was a real case of ageism. Like, people were like, get that old. Fuck off the. And it was like, first off, everyone is aged ancient on that show. And then secondly, somewhere, it was always between cute and clever. It wasn't hysterical, but it was like, yeah, I get. I get what you're saying, Ben.

[Joey McIntyre]

How do you feel about Andy Rooney and his eyebrows? Does anyone speak keyboard?

[Brian Bishop]

I was trying to play State of Shock.

[Adam Carolla]

My eyebrows are going to look like.

[Brian Bishop]

That as soon as they stop plucking all of ours.

[Joey McIntyre]

Will.

[Brian Bishop]

I think I just had my eyebrows trimmed for the first time.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, did you?

[Brian Bishop]

I was getting the hot shave and the girl's like, my sink. I had no sinks or mirrors. I had to get a hot shave. And so the girl's like, that bro's looking a little long there. I'm like, yeah, what are you gonna do? She's like, I could trim those for you. Yeah, I had a real moment. I was like, that's very old. It's very effeminate. I feel like I need to get it done.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean?

[Joey McIntyre]

Does she shape them as well? That's a funny thing.

[Brian Bishop]

Unfortunately, I think she used one of those, like, eyelash twirlers to, like. You know, the way they do it is they brush them up and then.

[Joey McIntyre]

They trim a mascara brush.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I have always told them, I want you to shape my eyebrows so that I can look interesting. A lot of people say, hey, man, I got a good one.

[Joey McIntyre]

But they weren't Able to do it.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, obviously, obviously. But that way I wouldn't have to burn facial calories, you know, feigning interest. You know what I mean?

[Joey McIntyre]

You should feign Botox.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Joey McIntyre]

Because that freezes your eyebrows.

[Adam Carolla]

That'd be good. So then, you know, when people go, I got a great idea for a reality show. Just eyebrows, just, oh, looking interesting. You know what I mean? Right. I'm a million miles away, but my eyebrows are jumping on the spot.

[Joey McIntyre]

Yeah, but if they went too far, I'd be like, why does he always look surprised? Okay, so Nancy Grace evidently may have had a nip slip on Dancing with the Stars. Yeah, that definitely looks like a nip slip that we are looking at.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, is that what that is? Yeah, yeah.

[Joey McIntyre]

I mean, it looks Areola esque.

[Adam Carolla]

She has an ABC tattoo. Mm.

[Joey McIntyre]

Yeah, that's an old tetanus scar anyway, though she claimed not tetanus. Whatever. They used to. Yes, that's what I'm saying. She says that that is not her nipple. She says that that was a breast pedal, which is a thing that ladies use. She's holding up in that photo to cover their nipples. And they can be silicone or they can be stickers.

[Adam Carolla]

It's also going to be a trial sport in the Olympics in 2016.

[Joey McIntyre]

She tweeted evidence, read my alleged wardrobe malfunction, which I vehemently deny. Breast pedals and industrial strength bra. Then she.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, the breast pedals, like the cutlet they put in there.

[Joey McIntyre]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Although she's got a whole cow in there. She doesn't need a cutlet.

[Joey McIntyre]

No, it's not. Not to augment the breast. It's to cover the nipple.

[Adam Carolla]

Why do you. All right, listen, I didn't.

[Joey McIntyre]

I have something to read to you from the breast petals site, which I think will explain what they do.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Joey McIntyre]

Okay. Using breast pedals to look your best. And this is like a blog entry. That's good. Keep that going. This is from 2010. This is the last time someone wrote about breast pedals. Have you ever had one of those days where you put your bra on and your shirt, but when you look in the mirror, your nipp are sticking out? It is so embarrassing going into public and knowing people can see that. Usually it happens around my time of the month the most. It's bad enough I already have large breasts. And you know how men are. They tend to fixate their eyes on that one body part as if you don't have a brain. So I'm going to talk about using breast petals to look your Best breast petals can be used to keep your nipples from showing through your clothing. Then it is possible to wear sheer, clingy or backless outfits. You look and feel absolutely wonderful.

[Adam Carolla]

So that's. So you don't have the party hats, the high beams on the party hats.

[Joey McIntyre]

You're not smuggling raisins as it were.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Okay, but she's wearing, she's wearing a industrial strength bra because she has a lot of mass up there. Look, either way, I'm not going to take a chance. I'm going to beat off to it because I don't want to find out later on that it was nipple. I didn't beat off to it. You can never go back now. Where am I now? I'm dangling in the wind. You know what I mean? You can't unring that ball. So I'm saying guys, play it safe, beat off to it, move on. Look, if it's a breast pedal, it's a breast pedal. It's not. It's not. You see what I'm saying?

[Joey McIntyre]

It's play safe regardless. It's erotic. I think we can all agree on that.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. Yeah. And it's weird because we haven't really figured out our body parts. Like obviously nipples. No good. Cleavage is fine. But then if you have.

[Joey McIntyre]

Oh, in terms of what we show. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

If you have really big areolas, which is really just another shade. What if you have large light areolas that cut into the cleavage. Now what?

[Joey McIntyre]

Well that's nipple.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I know, but we're insane.

[Joey McIntyre]

The nipple annexes the areola.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. And then you turn on the Biggest Loser and there's a bunch of 900 pound dudes standing there with their trunks on and their huge D cups flopping over and they have massive areolas and that's on at 8:00 in the evening and that's completely fine.

[Joey McIntyre]

Or there's like a documentary about breast cancer.

[Adam Carolla]

Zero offense of me on that one.

[Joey McIntyre]

Or there's a documentary about breast cancer and they will show breasts basically. If it's clinical or icky.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Joey McIntyre]

They'll show it.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. And yeah. And again now forced to beat off the breast cancer.

[Joey McIntyre]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

You know what I miss, which I haven't seen since like 80s beer ads is the underboob. You know, the shirt that goes down just so far, then it's the other way.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Got a nice under. I miss under boob. I also miss, I miss like a funky 80s cheerleader middle boob. Like the Rams cheerleaders have this like a circle cut out in the middle. Like a keyhole boob. Yeah. Oh, I know there's some. Under. Sweet. Under. Boo.

[Joey McIntyre]

Okay, while we're looking at all these breasts, are any of those real?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, there's a whole lot of them.

[Joey McIntyre]

First off, don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

This looks European. And they look like they're sort of sloping down the breasts. Yeah. So I'm wearing.

[Joey McIntyre]

It looks like they're pushed down by that half shirt. Or are they all real? It's only recently that I've sort of learned the difference.

[Adam Carolla]

They look real to me because they're. They're sort of sloping down. But being compressed either way, don't ruin it for me. They're all real.

[Joey McIntyre]

Sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Joey McIntyre]

Are you someone who. Because there's some. I know guys who claim they don't even care.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they're out there.

[Joey McIntyre]

Okay. UC Berkeley student group held a bake sale Tuesday called the Increased Diversity Bake Sale, and priced items according to the buyers. Race, ethnicity, Ethnicity. Excuse me. And gender pastries described as white, Caucasian went for $2. Asian American went for 150. Latino, Hispanic for a dollar. Black, African American for 75 cents and Native American for a quarter. A 25 cent discount was offered to women.

[Adam Carolla]

What do you do with those? You know, those New York deli style, 50, 50 black and white cookies. Like, you know, what do you do with those?

[Joey McIntyre]

I feel like you sell those to mixed race.

[Adam Carolla]

They're making a point on quotas or something.

[Joey McIntyre]

Yeah, they're making a point about affirmative action. And then if you don't come, you're a racist. At an announcement publicizing the event. And I guess Republican groups have done this over the years.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's why I like affirmative action. I don't like affirmative action because if you're a black guy who got into Harvard and you're telling people, I went to Harvard, unfortunately, everyone is thinking, oh, right. And how much lower was your test scores than the Asian guy who didn't get into Harvard?

[Joey McIntyre]

Everyone is thinking that.

[Adam Carolla]

Everyone. Even if it was the same, which is ridiculous, but even if it was, that guy's gonna have to carry that around. I mean, there's gonna be like. Yeah, but there's an asterisk next to his name in the record book.

[Joey McIntyre]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

And I don't know. I mean, I understand the point, and I think there was a good. There was a time and a place for that, but I just feel like now. I don't know. So every kid at UCLA is Asian. So what? They worked harder. Tough shit. I mean. I mean, we always Think about it in terms of black and white, but really at a place like ucla, it's. We're talking about Asians. Those kids bust their hump and, you know, let's see them see him go 00:12 in the football and the basketball.

[Joey McIntyre]

You wouldn't prefer that? It was more of a CranBox or Benetton AD?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I am willing to accept. Like, I guess what I'm saying is this. I feel like there's certain things in life that certain groups gravitate toward, have a better sort of capacity for. And I'm all right. I'm all right with it. I'm all right with firemen being white if that's the way they roll. I mean, if there's just more white dudes who want to be firemen than there are chicks or Asians. And I'm all right with more black dudes working security at the airport if that's the way they roll. Now, if somebody's forcing them into security.

[Joey McIntyre]

Are jobs that everyone wants.

[Adam Carolla]

They do.

[Joey McIntyre]

No, maybe fireworking, I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

But, I mean, I think obviously the table needs to be leveled as far as education goes. And we should do our best to make everything the best we can and all that kind of stuff. And then after that, fuck it, you're on your own.

[Joey McIntyre]

Hear, hear.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And by the way, it's not the institutional system or the institutions, it's the families. That's who needs to get their shit together. The reason the Asians are being thinned out of UCLA is not because UCLA loves Asians. It's that their family units stay together, they bust their hump, they put an emphasis on education, and thus these kids are playing the cello when they're coming out of the vagine.

[Joey McIntyre]

Right. And sometimes. Yeah, I was going to say the bow is breached.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. That's all. That's all I'm saying. Talk to the families.

[Joey McIntyre]

Tough time for cantaloupes. Has a new report from food officials has attributed at least a whopping 13 deaths to an outbreak of the melons grown in Colorado.

[Adam Carolla]

Thirteen deaths?

[Joey McIntyre]

Yes, 13 deaths, which is the most of this type of thing since 1998. But I'll get to that in a second. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention say 72 people across 18 states have fallen ill with listeriosis traced back to contaminated cantaloupes.

[Adam Carolla]

I love cantaloupes. You know, the best thing to do with a cantaloupe is cut it in half, hollow it out, you know, get the guts out of it. Just scoop some cottage Cheese into it and just spoon it out. Get that ratio just right.

[Joey McIntyre]

I think I've mentioned this before, but another thing you can do with a cantaloupe, according to my friend who's a pervert, is stick it in the microwave, make a dick hole, and then fuck it.

[Adam Carolla]

You didn't let me finish.

[Joey McIntyre]

Sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't fuck it.

[Joey McIntyre]

I stepped on your joke.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, obviously you eat. You're not gonna throw away food. Yeah. First you have to get your blood sugar up. And the way to do that, I found, is by getting your protein that's found in the large. And listen, I've always found that the large curd feels better than the small curd. You know, cottage cheese. But that's me. That's just me. I'm not telling you how to fuck your cantaloupe. I'm telling you how I fuck my cantaloupe. Get me some fruit, cut a dicko and my cantaloupe. Yeah. Hey, Becky, wait a minute. I'll pick you up later.

[Joey McIntyre]

Now, do you ever throw a few Grape Nuts in there and then discover you don't want it?

[Brian Bishop]

That rotten shave.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I was gonna say it's called rough trade. Yeah.

[Joey McIntyre]

It's just for naughty cantaloupes scratching my balls.

[Adam Carolla]

Grape Nuts has a fucking 21 second window. Like grape Nuts has the. Oh, my God. I can't put this pea gravel in my mouth. It's too hard. It's taking the enamel off my teeth. Going to. This is pure. Just marsh mud. Like it's. Now it's a falling apart and there's a fucking window. There's a sweet spot of Grape Nuts where you have to just get on it, eat it all and do it quick. Don't set it aside, don't put it in the fridge. But you can't jump on it right out of the box. There's a clue.

[Joey McIntyre]

Yeah. There should be a song that begins to play the minute the nuts hit the bowl. Like the Jake.

[Adam Carolla]

The Jeopardy I have is more the. The sort of plate spinning songs, you know, the sword dance song or whatever that.

[Joey McIntyre]

Something with a sense of urgency.

[Adam Carolla]

The fly to the bumblebee. Oh, there you go. That's it. That'd be the Grape Nut song. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Do you eat Grape Nuts?

[Adam Carolla]

You. No, I have.

[Brian Bishop]

Why does anyone eat Grape Nuts when there's cereals that are much, much grave.

[Joey McIntyre]

When there's gravel out there, you know.

[Brian Bishop]

That'S the only reason you eat Grape Nuts, right? Is for the fiber.

[Adam Carolla]

I think it's a.

[Joey McIntyre]

People claim to like them There's a.

[Brian Bishop]

Place called Trader Joe's. It's wonderful.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a child. It's a vestige from the past. It also has the word grape and nuts in it, which it still works.

[Brian Bishop]

Misleading, by the way.

[Adam Carolla]

And it's one of these things where it's versatile. You can have it in your cereal or you can dump it on your yogurt. Yogurt. Or if your fucking transmission blows up, you can throw it down on the garage floor and just sweep it up. It'll take every drop of it up. You know what I mean? It's been used for a lot of different things.

[Joey McIntyre]

You can sop up vomit with it. You can induce vomit with it.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's say you're for cat litter. Let's say you're out of rock salt. And the neighbor kids trying to fuck your daughter. And one pump from the, you know. Grape nuts in the ass. Yeah. Buckshot. That's right. Scattershot. Mm.

[Joey McIntyre]

The recent outbreak in cantaloupe is the worst since 1998, when 21 people died from listeria after eating tainted hot dogs. Those falling ill from the contaminated cantaloupe have primarily been 60 or older or with weak immune system systems. But here's something to know. Symptoms of listeria infection include diarrhea, muscle.

[Adam Carolla]

Aches and fever, so we'll look out for that. I just feel bad because everyone's gonna die and no one wants to die because they ate, you know, a gourd or whatever the fuck it is, a fruit. You know what I mean?

[Joey McIntyre]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

It doesn't sound good.

[Joey McIntyre]

It doesn't sound very heroic. If a melon took you out.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Maybe they'd already been fucked. Oh. Oh. Interesting.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, Just a theory.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. How long in the microwave would your friend put that in there for?

[Joey McIntyre]

Well, see, I feel like it's a delicate balance because if too hot, you're gonna burn your.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Joey McIntyre]

Your thing, your penis. And then not enough, you're gonna. I don't know. Actually, I don't know what would happen. You know what else you gotta be careful of? Let's say you do it for too long. You might get a seed that's, like, supercharged, and then it's gonna go. It's going to blow. A cantaloupe seed?

[Adam Carolla]

No, I think in blow.

[Joey McIntyre]

I think that could happen.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I'll tell you what's more likely. This happened to a friend of mine. The seed actually made its way up the guy's urethra and he just felt weird. And, like, four months later, went to the doctor. And he pulled a 21 foot vine out of his ass with actually three squirrels on it. It was sad. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Joey McIntyre]

That is.

[Adam Carolla]

True story. True story. True story. I like when people say true story, like the eighth or ninth true hand of God handicap. True story.

[Joey McIntyre]

What would happen if you fucked a bowl of Grape Nuts and you got a grape nut up your urethra?

[Adam Carolla]

I. I pity the next gal that you were with. You know what I mean?

[Joey McIntyre]

It's like you pull a cinder block out. Months later. Ontario police have charged a man for throwing a banana on the ice toward Philadelphia Flyers player Wayne Simmons during an NHL preseason game.

[Brian Bishop]

That's refreshing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Joey McIntyre]

Chris Morehouse of London, Ontario, has been served a summons for engaging in a prohibited activity.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, Canadian. Good. I mean, we don't do this shit.

[Joey McIntyre]

Hockey, you mean?

[Adam Carolla]

No, I mean it was a Canadian dude who chucked the banana out there. Yeah, I told you.

[Joey McIntyre]

Prohibited activity under the Provincial Trespassing Act. If convicted, he faces a fine of up to $2,000.

[Adam Carolla]

Sometimes you can use the banana to fuck the cantaloupe, you know, just to kind of get the juices flowing before you step in.

[Joey McIntyre]

Do you think the cantaloupe notices, though?

[Adam Carolla]

No, no.

[Brian Bishop]

It'll make banana lopes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's right. It's the horn of plenty approach. Yeah. Well, I was screaming about this a few months back that when they were. I saw a whole thing on, like, real sports about the horrible racism around the world. And Spain is the worst country there is. And when the black soccer players go there, the entire stadium starts this monkey chant. It's revolting. And I'm a racist. And I was appalled. And they're throwing bananas when the guy's doing corner kicks and everything. And. And it's just one of these things where. Here's how I absolutely know there is no God. They did a whole expose on, you know, you think racism and sports and stuff here is sort of a vestige of the past. We're so integrated, and there's so many different players from Dominican Republic and many different other continents and countries and everything. But the whole thing is, it's alive and well in Europe. And when these black soccer players go to some of these countries, there's guys in Germany, there's guys, Hitler Youth with dick swastikas being held up, banners that are 50ft long going across stadium. And it's not a small group of drunken, rowdy guys. It's the entire stadium is doing the monkey chant. And Spain, by far the worst. The entire 60,000 people when he's doing and pelting the guy with bananas. That's fucking Spain. And nine months later, guess who wins the World Cup?

[Joey McIntyre]

Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

Spain.

[Joey McIntyre]

Well, I didn't even know.

[Adam Carolla]

Fucking God. I mean, Jesus Christ, I didn't even.

[Joey McIntyre]

Realize this was racist until right this minute.

[Adam Carolla]

The banana thing.

[Joey McIntyre]

Yeah, of course it is. Because he's black.

[Brian Bishop]

You know what?

[Adam Carolla]

Seems stupid black.

[Joey McIntyre]

I don't like that. I just thought. I just thought he was throwing. Yeah, me too.

[Brian Bishop]

They're already on ice and ice is.

[Joey McIntyre]

Right, that's what I was saying.

[Adam Carolla]

Maybe he's all low on potassium. Some people can sense that.

[Brian Bishop]

That's the thing. Throwing a whole banana is stupid. You get the same. There's no difference to the crowd whether you throw a banana or banana peel. So here's the thing. Eat the banana, get some potassium, right? Then throw the peel. You're making the same message.

[Joey McIntyre]

He's watching his waistline.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't feel the banana toss. The full banana toss and the banana peel toss are two different motions. One involves a sort of woo, woo. A spinning motion, like. Yeah. It's almost like you're taking down Goliath with your slingshot. And then the other one's just a full Dan Marino type Chuck. Yeah, maybe. Maybe. Figured you get extra feet on it.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Joey McIntyre]

How come it never comes back at you? Boomerang style.

[Adam Carolla]

The banana.

[Joey McIntyre]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I gotta. I gotta check that out.

[Joey McIntyre]

Do boomerangs even come back? Have you ever played with one? I never have.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they do. Just to the grind.

[Joey McIntyre]

Okay. What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?

[Adam Carolla]

A stick.

[Joey McIntyre]

Mm.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Joey McIntyre]

Les Claypool says that's his favorite joke.

[Adam Carolla]

Uh huh. From Primus. Primus. This is damn exciting stuff.

[Joey McIntyre]

The California family has been fined for holding.

[Adam Carolla]

So what do they do? Do they catch the guy? Is he in trouble?

[Joey McIntyre]

Yeah, he is. He faces up to. He faces a fine of up to $2,000. So that's the most trouble he's in.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. And is a guy a good black hockey player?

[Joey McIntyre]

Well, you're asking the right person.

[Adam Carolla]

Playing in the Frogs, I think.

[Joey McIntyre]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Never heard of them. All right.

[Joey McIntyre]

Come on. But it made me think, why are things not thrown on the ice more?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, they throw octopi on there.

[Joey McIntyre]

They do?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

In Detroit, right?

[Adam Carolla]

I think it's Detroit. Is it Boston? Detroit. Yeah. Detroit throws octopus octopi. Octopuses. That's the most fucked up thing in the world.

[Brian Bishop]

Octopuses.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. The Red Wings. Throw it on there.

[Joey McIntyre]

Why?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, first off, somebody you know here's the whole deal. I would cut them off the calamari because evidently you guys have zero respect for calamari and way too much octopus. You don't even know what to do with this shit. And I don't know how it got started, but it. It's gone. Yeah, yeah. The Beatles, everybody.

[Joey McIntyre]

I was gonna take up ice hockey, but now I'm not going to fuck it now.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Joey McIntyre]

All right. A California family has been fined for holding weekly Bible studies in their home because the meetings are allegedly in violation of the city's zoning regulations. Stephanie and Chuck Frome have been living in their San Juan Capistrano home for 18 years and were shocked when they received a notice of violation from the city. They have already been fined 300 and have been told they will be fined an additional $500 per meeting if they continue to meet without a conditional use permit.

[Adam Carolla]

Someone's got to throw an octopus at those guys. San Juan Capistrano was a mission. I think. I think the whole town is named after a mission. You can't have a little Bible study in a town that's named after a mission.

[Joey McIntyre]

Well, here's the thing. The Fromes regularly host 40 to 50 friends and family members at their home from 10am noon on Sundays.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, no, they don't. Be stopped.

[Joey McIntyre]

That's a lot of people. I mean, the neighbors complained about it. We have a neighbor that's crossed at us and contacted the zoning Department. Chuck Frome says it feels sort of like a snitch system. Classic snitch system.

[Adam Carolla]

This guy's power static system.

[Joey McIntyre]

I know, I know. There's no due process. It's arbitrary. We're reasonable, rational people, but we don't have a reasonable, rational system. They're going to appeal this penalty in Superior Court. And there is another choice thing that I wanted to read, which is Chuck Frme describes Stephanie, his wife, as a real host with the most.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Then he slapped her on the aunt on the ass and said, that's my cunt, when she headed upstairs. Look, here's the thing. Everything is fucking illegal. Like, there's a regulation for everything. There really is. If your hedge is higher than 6 foot, it needs to be brought down to 6 foot. The good news is most people want their hedge higher than 6 foot because you get a little privacy. But if your neighbor wants to pick the phone up and he wants to call the department of Whatever and he wants to rat you out, then somebody will come down and tell you to do it. And I don't fucking like that system. I don't like where assholes get, you know, just free reign. I like, hey, you're having a party, I'm trying to take a nap or I'm working on a crossword puzzle. I'm going to call the cops. We have way too much. Here's the deal. There are way too many self absorbed ass wipes in this society we've created that we've based around the rights of the self absorbed ass wipe. And then we have fire departments, building and safety cops and whoever who then just become the personal arm of these. Like, I mean I had a, I had a New Year's Eve party, you know, 100 people, tuxedos, gowns, playing a little cool in the gang. Fucking cop showed up at 9:30 on New Year's, on fucking New Year's Eve. And look, there was some old guy who lived down the street who didn't get invited to the party and maybe he wanted to watch his Matlock. And my thing is turn it up because, because there's 200 people having a good time and you're not. So who gives a fuck? Majority rules. So what happens?

[Joey McIntyre]

You have to turn down the cool and the gang.

[Adam Carolla]

No, this was the greatest, this was the greatest cop trifecta I've ever had in my life. It was at the party house, which I sold, but it was at the party house back in the day, 800 day 150,000. It was a New Year's Eve party and it was all, it was really one of these things where he said, you know, guys dress up in your tuxedos and girls wear your best gowns kind of thing. One point I was running late and hustled home and I was hauling ass the down the Hollywood freeway and got pulled over right in front of the Hollywood bowl about 7:00 at night. You know, I, someone's got to get the chafing dish or whatever. I forgot back at the other house, cop pulled me over like, trotted up to the car like, do you know how fast you're. Just put his head in, he went, ah, Jesus, get the fuck out of here. And he got back in his car and he left. He didn't even do a man show thing, he just went, get the fuck out of here. Then later on when we were throwing the party, the cops showed up at about 9:45, which meant the cock sucking pussy. I'll see you in hell you old fuck neighbor. Had to have called the cops before 9pm Right, because cops don't respond, they roll. I mean out here In LA especially, it takes them a good hour to get out to the house. And if they're there before 10, that means that call went in before 9. New Year's Eve, it was like a Friday night. And we weren't blaring the music, just hanging out. It was the backyard. You remember the party house, right?

[Brian Bishop]

Never saw it.

[Adam Carolla]

Perfect. Point is this high, big, high hedge all the way around thing 12ft high against regulation. It's just cops came out and they said, oh. And then next thing you know, it was, hey, man Show. And then I said, you want us to turn the stereo down? And he said, not if you don't want to, because they knew it was a pain in the ass, too. And then the motherfucker called the cops again. And the cops came out again, this time at about 12:30. And this time they posed for pictures with me and Jimmy and got autographs and then split again. That was my three cops run ins for that day.

[Joey McIntyre]

You're lucky the old curmudgeon that lived near you wasn't also famous, because imagine if Archie Bunker lived near you, because then, oh, hey, Archie Bunker. Oh, hey, man Show. Right, yeah, sure.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, that's a good point.

[Joey McIntyre]

Yeah. Narrowly escaped that. Did you know that Reebok will be paying out $25 million in refunds to buyers of its Easy Toned shoes as part of a class action suit? The Swordman is over. Yeah, it turns out that they don't work, these Easy Tone shoes.

[Adam Carolla]

But how about this? Easy Tone? That was Ben's first label. How about this? How about some Ben? How about some music that sounds like I'm really saying something important here, even if it's not really that important. I got my meniscus repaired not five days ago. And when the doctor said, what happened, Ace? I said, I got some custom shoes with an arch support in it. And I was skipping rope and I heard a pop. And he said, wow. And then I said to him, what about all these new weird workout shoes with the funky thing? Because all you have to do is introduce a little change into that joint, something it's not used to.

[Joey McIntyre]

Micro instability, which is what they had.

[Adam Carolla]

Micro instability, yeah.

[Joey McIntyre]

And you get macro instability in your knee.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Good for a lawsuit, bad for a penis nickname. But the point is, said, that may have happened. And I thought to myself, with all these companies coming out with all these shoes that are changing the way you shift your weight and all that, there could be a lot of injuries. And it could be like the Jerk or he created that, the glass grab and it turned everyone cross eyed. Thank you.

[Joey McIntyre]

So did the doctor think that your torn meniscus had something to do with your shoes?

[Adam Carolla]

I know, I just made that up. I wanted Ben to play the piano. No, no, it absolutely had something to do with my shoes. It was all of a sudden shoes. I got arch support where I formerly never had it before and I skipped my rope and kapow.

[Joey McIntyre]

Yeah. These shoes claimed that the sole technology featuring pockets of moving air would which created micro instability toned and strengthened your muscles as you walk or run. But turns out they don't.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. What a bunch of bullshit.

[Joey McIntyre]

Seriously.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I'm devastated. We have enough tennis shoes, do we not?

[Joey McIntyre]

Like, don't you feel like never enough.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't you feel like we're. You know, you got a piece of vulcanized rubber underneath you, a couple laces up top and you can jog around the park, you know, I mean, 35 years ago there was a fella by the name. Inspirational music, if you would, Ben. With a sports theme, I think Hoosiers meets Chariots of Fire. Yeah, it's a fellow by the name of Julius Irving. Perhaps you know him as Dr. J. That guy was wearing tennis shoes from the early 70s, late 60s. Didn't seem to have a lot of difficulty getting his fat ass off the ground. Was there a problem there? No. That guy floated on air and he was wearing just a pair of Converse that had just a flat piece of hard truck tire underneath it. And he would dunk on your ass all day long. So what do we need? Springs and helium and nitrogen and all this bullshit. Fuck that.

[Brian Bishop]

Pele ran in with nothing. Just, you know, bare feet. That's how he trained.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Right.

[Brian Bishop]

Run through the jungle, woods, anything he needed to.

[Adam Carolla]

He's fine.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, that seems like maybe we put too much stuff on the shoes.

[Adam Carolla]

It hurts people's guy. Well, the thing is, no free lunch is in nature, you know. And maybe you're meant to be a certain way and maybe we're taking a lot of the loads off and you take the load off one area, like your arch, you shift it somewhere else and kapow. Pele running barefoot.

[Brian Bishop]

Barefoot through the woods.

[Adam Carolla]

I like that. You know Pele?

[Joey McIntyre]

Yes, I actually, I do know.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. Paul Bryan, good with Pele.

[Brian Bishop]

Never heard of him.

[Adam Carolla]

Really? Of course.

[Brian Bishop]

No Pele.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know what you kids know these days.

[Joey McIntyre]

See, what I don't like is going tennis shoe shopping or sneaker shopping and then wondering, well, God, what am I really going to do in these? Am I going to be Cross training, or am I just going to be walking or running? Or am I moving sideways? Because if so, then I need these. Or am I going to be cross dressing because I want a different color, you know? Yeah, it's difficult and it's all bullshit. Right.

[Adam Carolla]

There should be one called Rape Runners, where it's like, these things were specifically designed not to get raped in.

[Joey McIntyre]

Oh, I thought you meant for rapists.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the predator. Too controversial. I'll. I'll release those next.

[Joey McIntyre]

So what would anti rape shoes be?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you do that same thing, like when you sit down and you design. I mean, I like the fact that there's a indoor volleyball shoe, but there's also a basketball shoe, which is played on the exact same surface by lesser athletes. You know what I mean? I mean, the whole notion, like, Kobe Bryant seems to be doing just fine with his sneaker. You don't think a couple of chicks from El Camino, I could play a game of volleyball with the shoes that he wears? Right. But we have a totally different set of shoes. The Predator. Yeah, we have the predator. So I'm just saying we sit down and we really figure it out, you know? I mean, first off, you may be jogging through a park, right? So we're gonna need. You know, I wouldn't put a cleat on there, but I'm gonna need some tread on there, some good lateral support. Maybe one of them will have a whistle built into it.

[Joey McIntyre]

That is smart.

[Adam Carolla]

Once you hit 12 miles an hour, the whistles start going off because you won't hit that 12 miles an hour.

[Joey McIntyre]

Unless you're running from someone or there's.

[Adam Carolla]

An ice cream truck earlier. Yeah, I'm saying.

[Joey McIntyre]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And then at a certain point, one has a throwing star worked into it or maybe a smoke pod.

[Joey McIntyre]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm just saying, the rapes, you.

[Joey McIntyre]

If you just make them ugly enough, you won't get raped. Well, it's not a sexual.

[Adam Carolla]

No, it's not. No, it's. It's a. And I want to be clear about this, because it's been a while. Rape is a brutal, physical crime. It's not a sexual crime. It's a crime of violence in power, where you come at the end. But other than the coming part, it is not a sexual crime.

[Joey McIntyre]

Nothing sexual about it.

[Adam Carolla]

No, it'd just be like. It'd be like if you robbed a bank or a liquor store and that, you know, then came.

[Joey McIntyre]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

But that's not a sexual crime. It's a. It's a crime. It's sex.

[Joey McIntyre]

Crimes is a misnomer.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a misnomer. That's right. It's a violent crime where you got cum on you at the end, but it's not a sexual crime. Right, that's what I'm saying, Brian. It's like if I. If you were at the atm.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. I'm with you.

[Adam Carolla]

And it was just night and there's no one else around. Okay. I came up behind you. I just pistol whipped you. Sure, sure. And I took all the money that was in your account.

[Brian Bishop]

That's terrible.

[Adam Carolla]

And then I came on me or just wherever, you know. But the point is this. It's a violent crime.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Where you come at the end. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

But it has no sexual component.

[Adam Carolla]

Not sexual at all.

[Joey McIntyre]

Not sexual.

[Adam Carolla]

The only sexual component in the entire thing is the part where you come.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Other than that. That's at the end, then. That's at the end. Crime's done depending on refractory period.

[Joey McIntyre]

Yeah. It's somewhat what defines it as well, but it's not about it.

[Adam Carolla]

No. Mm. Thank you. The more you know. Come on. Brian's getting lazy there because you got Ben picking up the slack on the. How many. How many. How many are there? Not 88, I think probably maybe 76. Is that all you need?

[Brian Bishop]

77. That's all you need.

[Adam Carolla]

You can do with 10 most 7.

[Joey McIntyre]

Octave guy, I guess.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, I was a full keyboard guy until I heard this song called State.

[Adam Carolla]

Of Shock, and I realized it could.

[Brian Bishop]

Be done in one octave.

[Adam Carolla]

Hear a little more of that. Come on. Yeah. Who needs all those? Never let him hear snapsticks. I have Taboo, too. I have the theme song to Taboo too. One of my favorite. Let's see, maybe. Let's see. If we could do. If you whip up Taboo too. Let me see. I will tell you. We'll be at the Universal City Walk tonight with Marc Marin, great comedian Marc Maron. I'll be at the Tabernacle in Atlanta tomorrow, Friday. Still tickets available, so come on out for that. In Ferguson Hall, Tampa Bay, Saturday. Still tickets available for that. Come out and stay after. Man, I'll sign your book. We'll press the flesh. We'll take a picture. All right, do it. All right. See if you can hang with this man. He has it all. Yes, he does. I mean, lyrically, I don't think you're up that it's. But sonically, musically, he can do more than you ever imagined. Do it with sty. He does it with me. Here's the lyric. Oh, yes, he does. Lyrically still better than the Mick Jagger song.

[Joey McIntyre]

Yeah, yeah, but that's what you do.

[Adam Carolla]

He only reveals what he wants you to see and then shows it all. And when he does, he satisfies. I love this clip we're watching, by the way, because there's a guy who's going to motor past them for the third time, who I know has no idea he's in a porn movie. That guy has no idea he's making a porn. No idea he's in a porn movie. It's called Run and Gun. What do you think, Ben? I think that's. Well, it was getting better. Yeah. Did they get one of the porn.

[Joey McIntyre]

Stars to sing the theme song?

[Adam Carolla]

It felt like it, you know, like while she was getting fucked. All right. You good? Mm.

[Joey McIntyre]

That's the news. I'm Alison Rosen. Zip it, cunts.

[Adam Carolla]

That was the news with Allison Rosen. Ah, yes. The all new Nissan Versa sedan. We drove this thing around for a week. Unbelievable. I hate you, you people. I really do. I do. Because this car works. It's got a ton of headroom. It's got leg room, back room, sack room, ass room, forehead room, brow room. Every kind of room. Starts at under $11,000. Great mileage, and it's filled with technology. You plug in all your listening devices and playing devices and all your computer crap and all the jacks and all the stuff, all of it, it's all under there. I swear to God, inside, it is a lot bigger than my Jag is a lot bigger. And it's like the air blows frosty air. It's peppy, it's good pickups, it's safe. It just works. It looks good.

[Joey McIntyre]

It has a turn signal.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, yes. I'm telling you. Like that thing where whether you're a student or you're getting your kid his first car or something. Bunch of airbags, crumple zones, safe, 40 miles to the gallon, and most headroom, most overall cubic feet for the buck. It's just a great car. I just drove the thing around for, like, four days, and I was like, this is better than any car I had from 10 years ago when I was driving BMWs back then. Find out more about my Versa Road Trip and all the new Nissan versa [e-mail] so you go there, I think, Dawson, I'm not making this up when I say we're doing this. We still doing the game? Is it still on? The contest on. I believe it [e-mail] basically, you design your own road Trip, you know, just tell myversaroadtrip.com where you want to go, what you want to see, who you want to bring with you, right? And if they like your road trip, they'll give you the car and tell you to go take the road trip. And they'll pay for it. God love them good sponsors. And again, you may know them as Nissan. I race Datsuns and love them unbreakable. Unless you run them into concrete barriers. That's another story. Nissan versa [e-mail] and one last thing, one last sponsor. Where the hell were we? Ben, you have. Thank you, Ben, you can answer. You don't have to do it verbally. You could just. You can do an answer of. You can. Yeah, that's right. Do you have life insurance? Oh, no. Oh, you do. Oh, nice. You do. You have kids, right? And you're married. And God forbid, you know, there's a Cassio fire. I mean, you don't get out alive. And they just put a plaque there on the stage. Yeah. Mm. Mm. You're gonna want good coverage for your family. You want them to go on. I mean, not too soon. You don't want your wife to start dating, like, you know, give it the weekend. That's what I'm saying. That's right. But you need good coverage. I like this. Yeah, you don't want to start dating her neighbor either. Although the guy is easy on the eyes. You can get yourself an insurance quote at Encore Insurance Services LLC, 866-34757 48. Or you can check them out [e-mail]. don't pay too much. Maybe you want, maybe you need, or maybe you have and you're paying too much. Encore can help you. They'll compare premiums of highly rated insurers they represent, and they're going to save you money. Let them do the work for you. No one said you could stop playing the piano, Ben. Give them a call at 866-347-5748. Licensing and Disclaimer information can be found on their website at Smart Term Y. Yeah. Little Hendrick. Smart Term Dot. Let's try to. Let's try to work our ending out, okay? Sorry.

[Brian Bishop]

Let's not state a shock.

[Adam Carolla]

You need to remember it. Yeah. That's Purple haze. All right. All right. I'll lead you into it. Okay, sir. Licensing and disclaimer information can be found on their [e-mail]. thank you. The great Ben Folds, everybody. Thank you.

[Brian Bishop]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. Ben can be Found with his doppelganger Nick Lachey. You dudes must have a ton to talk about on the sing off Mondays 8pm on NBC website benfolds.com they got the three CD box set. It is out October 11th. You can pre order it at Amazon and like I said, if you're going to go to Amazon, click through our website, hit our banner, show us a little love. So until next time, this is Adam Kroller for Bald Brian, Allison Rosen and Ben Folt saying good night. Mahalo.

[Joey McIntyre]

Chubby girls are always down to fuck.

[Brian Bishop]

All right those Adam Kruller Show 666 with Ben Folds during Adam Krill, Allison Rosen, Brian Bishop in studio. Hope you guys enjoyed that clip. For our final clip today we have adam Kurlo Show 2044. Joey McIntyre, Adam Ray, Gina Grad, Brian Bishop. This was from 2017. Joey actually goes all the way back to Loveline. He started guesting after the new kids had kind of winded down and he was beginning his acting career. Came in with various other guests and co stars. He was always a delight. Adam was always surprised how good he was. He eventually guest on the morning show and now he is appearing on the podcast. You guys enjoy.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, it's Adam Kroll from the Adam Kroll Show. Bet Online is the world's most trusted betting platform and your number one source for online betting from the earliest odds to in game live betting. Betonline provides you with all the action and the ability to watch and bet on games as they happen. With the largest selection of odds on everything from football, NBA, college basketball as well. BetOnline has NHL, MMA and championship boxing. All your betting needs in one place. Head to betonline today to get in on the action with America's most trusted site for online wagering. So have some fun. Make these games in these events in these combat sports a little more interesting with Bet Online. Bet Online the game starts here. Jo Koy here everybody. Joy Live from Seattle is the name of the Netflix special. It is on as we speak. Go to Netflix and look it up and go get it and laugh. Getting a lot of compliments saying good job Joy. Thank you so much Adam. I got a lot of that. Appreciate that. A lot of that too. And here's another thing they're saying searching for your special can't find nothing but Joy the movie. So thank you Adam. Probably driven some traffic their way. Joe Coy yes, go ahead. Can I tell you why I'm late? First of all, when I'm in town, my son has I go to his lunch. I bring him a lunch because I go on the road all the time, bring him lunch to school. I always bring him lunch. So when I'm home, just to show him that five minutes, but he's going to remember for the rest of his life. So I was bringing a McDonald's. Anyways, it's 30 minutes for Woodman Woodland Hills to get here, but for some reason, the 134 decides to clean the carpool lane with six of those sweeper trucks. Slow down for the cone zone. Yeah, yeah. Completely backed up. It's like, this is LA, man. You couldn't do that at two in the morning, three in the morning, those guys. One o'clock in the afternoon, the 134. Right where the 101 meets. And I know this is very local, but those are the two worst freeways in Los Angeles. On the planet. On the planet. Yeah. I was so pissed. I was on time, I swear to God. And then complete stuff. I looked at Andre, I was like, this has to be an accident. And it's 17 sweeper trucks in the carpool lane every time. Now I get tweets from people in, like, North Dakota, which is. Oh, they passed the legislation where the Red Arrows just start blinking now or you can drive through them. I did one of my big power moves, which is cutting to the inside of one of the lemming sheep that.

[Brian Bishop]

Was waiting in the oncoming lane.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Went to the inside. Well, no traffic is no traffic. There is no traffic in the Philippines. That's legal. That's perfectly legal. Listen, I've done that in the Philippines. Then I have laws. Everything's illegal. By definition, you're lawless. But here's the thing. Wouldn't. Wouldn't it be nice if somebody just said. If Mayor Garcetti said, I am going to appoint a traffic czar and I'm going to tell this guy we need to find out how to get this going.

[Brian Bishop]

You are empowered with emergency credentials, like you are. You're in charge of this situation. It's gotten out of control.

[Adam Carolla]

You are the czar. That's right. And if it says, do the street sweeping in the diamond lane on Sunday after 2am Then that's what it shall be. And if it. If it works to the, you know, if it steers it. Clear signs or whatever. I literally just saw a freeway sign yesterday. It just said, slow down. Just to slow down. Not even for the cone zone. Just slow it down. The traffic. The traffic czar would have to get rid of all that stuff and would have to study traffic patterns and do everything and then do everything within he or her her power to just move this shit along. Yes, that's it. No more. No roads built. Not a yard of concrete LA just Bill.

[Brian Bishop]

When's that hero gonna rise?

[Adam Carolla]

I literally, it's your time. I talked to the mayor about like red light, you know, these arrows and stuff like that. He didn't know what the fuck I was talking about. That's the scary part. Why doesn't he know what you're talking about? He gets driven. They I for a city that has been number one in traffic for many years, which impacts every human being who lives in this city negatively. For it to be a non point of discussion at all times every time when it comes to whoever's running for anything is insane to me. Yeah, how do you ignore that? It's like the crackhead brother that comes at the Thanksgiving dinner. No one says anything, right? We need to say something. He stares you in crack. It's an epidemic. Do you feel like the window for that has closed though? Because if someone did that now, people would go, wait, we're directing money and funding and time to this and not, you know, drug abuse and homeless and. Well, under my plan, we really wouldn't have to direct a lot of money. Just timing, just efficiency, just total efficiency. Don't send the guys out with the street sweeper when Joe. Sorry, guys. Why, when they hire these people, when they created that job, why did they say, oh, yeah, remember, we start at 7am like, you know, that's the worst time in LA. 7, 6, from 5 to 10. That's the worst time for anything on the freeway. I don't. So why is that job guaranteed for that time zone? Like, dude, if you get hired for that job, believe me, you're going to start working at about 11 o'clock at night and then you're going to be done at five. All right, I'm angry. I'm sorry. I will tell you this. I got pulled over yesterday with my boy in the car. Interesting. I'll tell you about that in a second. I think we should have the Molester finale. Jo Koy. Yeah, this is. We've done this before, back in the KLSX days. I think what we do is. Well, Dawson can set it up or I can set it up. I'll do it. We take everyone here and where they live. We then go to the sexual offenders registry list and find out who has the most sexual offenders living nearest them within a two mile radius. Okay. And then we do A bracketed system and we see who the winner is. Okay, the quote unquote winner. Yeah, the winner. The quote unquote winner.

[Brian Bishop]

This is the final. So this is the final three bracket winners going head to head right now.

[Adam Carolla]

Big deal, right? It's the final round of March Molester Madness.

[Brian Bishop]

The music.

[Adam Carolla]

And the action has been more packed than a Boston Globe listing of pedophile priests. Today we see who wears the creep crown. Nick, Chris or Bald Brian. Representing Glendale in the Lackey Conference, Chris Laxamana. Your sex offender total in a two mile radius is 65. Oh, nice. But is it enough? Is it enough to beat the bald one representing Los Angeles in the Sidekick Conference, Bald Brian, Your sex offender total in a 2 mile radius is 43. Congratulations to you and Tessa. You're marginally safer than Chris. Which leaves Chris versus Nick. Will Chris's 65 stop Nick? Of course not. We already know Nick kicked Dylan in Kaylin's ass and is well into triple digits. Congratulations, Chris. You're in second place. And you might want to get a second place move out of your current place. But just how rough is Nick's neighborhood? Representing Hollywood and the intern conference with offenses such as possessing or controlling obscene matter, depicting a minor in sexual conduct and sexual penetration with a foreign object by force or fear. Oh, my God. Nick, you are suffocating in sex offenders with a terrible total of 150. Wow. Yeah. Well done, Nick. Well done. March Molester Madness has been brought to you by Chevy vans. Find a teen runaway and make love in a Chevy van. That's all right with me. Oh, I missed that song. Wow. Looking good, buddy. Yeah, no one deserves that award.

[Ben Folds]

I'd just like to thank myself for.

[Adam Carolla]

All the years of bad decisions that led me to renting out a living room apartment in Hollywood for 500 bucks a month. Thank God. Thanks, Nicholas. Man, again, things we could. Well, traffic. And here's another topic we could probably turn our attention to as a city official. But instead it's all homeless and sanctuary states, everybody.

[Brian Bishop]

Nick's going to cut down the nets and use them to catch predators.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's see. Adam Ray's here, but I don't think Joey's here yet. So we'll take our time for a little bit. So I got pulled over last night. It was a perfect storm. I have been trying to see Kong Skull island for about four months. I know it hasn't been out for four months, but I've been trying to see a movie and it just, just. It can't work. I'M not going alone. I'm bringing my son and. Or my daughter or both. And yesterday I put my foot down. I said, this family's gonna have fun.

[Brian Bishop]

God damn it.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's what we're doing. We're going to eat Chinese food. I've looked it up online. The movie starts at 7:45. Lynette, use your smartphone While we're sitting at Sunny's football game. Order up. Those guys went and saw a boss baby on Friday.

[Brian Bishop]

Dodged a bullet there.

[Adam Carolla]

Alec Baldwin movie. Yeah. I said I'm gonna see this movie tonight. Go online, go to the theater. The theater's a hundred yards away from the. From the Chinese joint. And go lock in the 745 tickets. And then we get into this discussion. Where do you want to sit? You want to sit in the middle? You want to sit back? I said middle back is where it's got the reclining seats and stuff. And put me and Sunny, Nata us all three abreast and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

[Brian Bishop]

And it's a big movie. Those big spectacle movies. You want to be a little bit back, you know, Giant.

[Adam Carolla]

Take it.

[Brian Bishop]

Explosion in King Kong.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Then we go eat some Chinese food. Lynette's not going, but we're going to eat some Chinese food. And then I'm going to take the kids in a separate car, and we're going to go see the. See the movie. All right, here's where it starts to come unraveled. I have a couple of martinis. Two at the Chinese place. Yeah. Full bar. Here's your martinis. Huh? Thank you. Cute kids. Ah. Taking them to Kong Skull Island. Kung. Kung. Kong. Kung Pao. Kung Pao. No, no. Kung Pao Chicken. No, no. We've had Kung Pao Chicken, the movie. No, no. Great. Kung Pao Chicken. We love. I like. Thank you. I like the snow peas. I like the idea that there's peas that grow in snow. Snow peas. Snow peas. Peas. Pee in the snow. No, no, please, please, please. Pee in your snow. No, no. Kong Island. Ah, yes. Kung Pao Island. Kong Island. Kung Fu Chicken. Huh? Kung. Kung Fu Panda. No, no. Yeah. Kung Pao Panda. No. You take the kids to see Kung Pao Panda. No, no, no. Kong Skull Island. Ah, Kong. Skola. Skull. Skull. Skull. Skull. Skull. Skull Skull. Skyline Skyrim. Skull Kong. Kong Skull Island. Iron Island. Iron Skull. Skull. Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

No wonder you were late.

[Adam Carolla]

What time is your movie, sir? Oh, it was 7:45. 7:42. Yeah. So I'm gonna go ahead and need to check about now to go just A check. You want to go the check to pay. But do you want rest of your. Oh yeah. Box it up. Okay. One tick. Wow. Wow. Look at the broccoli fly. You're record. You're very welcome. Yeah, okay. If I could. We're going to Kong. Ah, here you go. Skull Island. Scar Iron. Yeah, Skull Island. You want your martini? Well, I had the two. Yeah, yeah. One more. Complimentary. I gotta try complimentary. See? Yeah. No, see. Oh, you've been in the kitchen too long. Been in the kitchen long time. Yeah, a lot of time in the kitchen.

[Brian Bishop]

Father, we're gonna be late again.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on, sonny. How much for the kid? Huh? Huh? For the boy? Yeah, the boy's not for sale, girl. Oh, the girls. I don't know how much you got on. You want the pool for free? All of the food? Hold on. If I give you the girl, I can eat here for free. All you can eat for a long time. Talk about con iron. It's good stuff. Yeah, yeah. Let me just finish the rest of my olive. We're gonna be on the road. We're going to the movie theater. Oh yeah, nice movie theater up the street. Sing Kong. Skull Island. Yeah, the kids. Boss baby. Boss, A baby. Boss baby. Boss, a baby. Just boss baby. Boss baby. Boss, boss. Boss, boss, Boss baby. Boss baby. Boss a baby. Boss baby. Boss boss, boss baby. Boss baby. I mean Bob. Okay. What the martini. No, I'm good. Happy about her. Another martini. Did you say yes? No, I. What'd you say? Your daughter? No. Daughter. No, no. She's coming with me. Just ask you questions. The guys in the back want to know. Skull Island. Yeah, it's up the street. I had two martinis. That's enough. That's enough.

[Brian Bishop]

They're starting the trailers, father.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, just relax there, sonny. Yeah, shut up, little boy. So let's just get in the car and we're just going to head on out. Nicer. Yeah, I'll leave you a nice tip. Okay. Yeah. Hey, I like your fortune cookies. Cuz you put a little chocolate on them. Yeah, we always say dip a deal. Chocolate on the side. Yeah, like you don't dip the whole thing in chocolate. You don't commit to that. Just dip. Just a side cook a little chocolatey. A drizzle of chocolate. Chocolate drizzle of chocolate. Crack. Crack. Open. Let me crack it open. Give me the fortune. There it is. Go ahead. How much? Her. Wow. What? No way. That's not in a cookie. Really? Yeah, really. Say on my mind. Oh, let me see that. It says safe travels. On here, it doesn't say how much English. Really bad. It can't be that bad. But it can't be that bad. Sorry about that. Okay, I'm gonna go see Kong Skull Island. Ah, good. The movie about panda fighting. No, that's different. That's another movie. Black about. No, not a black Ninja Panda. No, no. Different theme, different movie. Different movie. But we're gonna. I'm just gonna leave you. I'm just gonna leave Cash. I don't have time. Oh, yeah, leave it at cash right there. Yeah. And we just box it up. Thank you. We'll take the box with us, and then I'll take a doctor. You take the doctor. I'll take your doctor to the daughter. Yeah, no, she's coming. You don't need to. I agree, but the wife would be pissed. And we already bought them. We bought the tickets in advance. Oh, we're at the football game. I was at my son's football game.

[Brian Bishop]

Football.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. That's good. It's flag, so. Oh, yeah, I know that. Yeah. Not much to write home about, but. But girls don't play a spot. No, no. She a girl. Well, she's pretty strong, but I bet she is the. We got the tickets online. We already ordered them. Okay. So I got the three. Okay. That's me and the two kids. Take two kids, me and the two kids. And give me one. You can keep the wife. I don't like the wife. Oh, okay. But we. We got the three tickets. All right. Personality. Yeah. We kiss our mind. Yeah, you don't want that. You don't want that. You don't want to be interrupted. Don't know anything. Yeah, no, I got you. I got you. So thank you. Thank you. No problem. So we get to. I have my couple martinis, and then we pull into the theater, and Lynette has decided to go in front of us and make sure everything is locked off, which is probably a bad sign. She got the tickets. Somehow Fandango got back to her. And long story short, we have three tickets to Boss Baby and not three tickets to Skull island, which was my greatest dream. Then also, they do this one. Well, there's still three seats available. Two are in the very first aisle, all the way to the left. And then there's a separate one in the back to the right. And then it's like. So I go, you're not enjoying yourself. Okay, let's just get in the car. That's fine. And soon as I pull out of the parking lot of theater, I got a cop behind Me with rollers.

[Gina Grad]

You got lit up.

[Adam Carolla]

You were lot. You weren't even out of the lot. Not out of the lot. Yeah. And you were flying through that parking lot. I had this thought where it's like, I just drank two martinis.

[Brian Bishop]

That's a logical thought.

[Adam Carolla]

I drank two martinis because the theater is 100 yards away and I was going to go flop out for three hours. I didn't know about not having tickets and then heading home now, two martinis and hour and a half's worth of a lot of eating. So I don't think I'm technically over anything here. Probably okay, but I'm not interested in the part. If the guy says you had anything to drink tonight or something, and my son's sitting in there, and I don't know why I'm being pulled over. But then the greatest thing ever happened, which is pulled over. Always do what I. What I do when I get pulled over, which is like, how much can I make this individual hate writing me a ticket right now? That's good. How much. How much psychologically can they just not want to do it?

[Brian Bishop]

Natalia start crying, right?

[Adam Carolla]

No, Natalia's decided to go with mommy. That's for the best. In his home. I say, you know, we're getting pulled over. I get my license out. You know, I get the guy in the squawk box. I could pull to the right, Pull to the right. And I just like, pull over. He's got the things going. And I'm like, oh, God. What? Oh, Jesus. And I was in the theater. I was like, I was in theater. I'm sitting in this three hour theater. And then we got booted. And I was in the lobby of the theater. Like, just go, go sit down. All right, now we're sitting out here, goal line. And I'm like, oh, God. What. What do we. And he just came up and he said, you got paper plates on your car? Why is that? And I said, because the car's new. And then he said, did they ship your plates? And I was like, I don't know. I've done this scam so many times where I leave my paper plates on, and I can't remember if they ship the plates or they've been. They're sitting in the. Or whatever it is. So I was like, I did the. I did the. Yeah, the car's new and I got. That's why it has the paper plates on it. And because they're on to the scam, too, obviously, the cops. I. I wrote out my Audi at Least for four years, I kept the paper plates. The dealer paper plates on it. Never. They don't pull you over because I still have my paper plates on. Everyone do it. It's another piece of homework for them to do. They don't want to get into it. But then this one out of a movie, guy standing there goes, can I see your license? Yeah. And now it's going to. He's going to launch into, what are you doing tonight? Or what's going on? And then I get this one over his radio. It's like, 7 Mary 3. 7 Mary 3. Shots fired. Shots fired, whatever it is. He just literally goes, be safe out there. And he runs back to his car and just peels out and goes right, right past me. And it just thought, man, if you could have somebody in the backseat with a tarp over them and a police scanner just yell that. Every time, like, he pulled me over for nothing, somebody yelled. I think I just yelled out the name of a 90s K rock band. But yeah. Really?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Some 41. So some dispatcher yelled something. And basically the something was a 247 in progress. Officer needed, like, with a lot of urgency. Yeah, somebody was beating the crap out of their old lady. Or somebody taking someone hostage. Or somebody was swinging around a piece of rebar on a sidewalk. Like, whatever it was, this dude was rolling on it. And I was like, great. All right. You didn't have to pull a boy. I've been pulled over since the man show. Remind who you are. Imagine if you got the cop that was like. He was like, oh, be right there. Just finishing this ticket. Unfortunately, I'm taking care of paper plates. I'll be right there. It's unclear even what the paper. I don't even know where the thing was going. But I was very happy to get the urgent call right in the middle of it. Now, where does this tie into? Then I went home and was not able to see Kong Skull island, but I went home. Lynette swears she was screwed by Fandango. Do you think she screwed up? This is one of these things, as an adult who's been married for a while, you just move on from. Let's not really get back and explore whose mistake this was. Let's just move on. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll see. Kong still has kinks. That's right. Totally worked it out. Fandango's not 100%. I've seen that happen before where you click one movie and then we'll leave it at that. Another movie pops up we'll leave it at that. It could happen. No harm, no foul. But I did. I found that ironic. I was being pulled over now, which is the sort of the crappy cherry on the crappy Sunday was sunny, scared. Well, this is an interesting thing and it's going to put Daddy's gun in the glove. Going to bring me back to 60 Minutes. And I went home and I turned on 60 Minutes. And, Gary, you can find the name of the case we're talking about the gentleman that was shot and the officer involved. But they interviewed the female officer that shot that fella in the highway. And it was one of the first times. I don't know why she was speaking out. But normally before you go to trial, you know, you get the gag order. Mum's the word. But Betty Shelby was the officer and the victim's name was. We'll figure it out. He. Yeah. Terrence Croft Crutcher. Yeah, there it is. Anyway, it's. It's. It's like. It's. It's the same story. All these things are, which is. They seem pretty cut and dried. And then you hear her version and then you go, was he moving his arm down? Was he reaching into his car? You can't tell. His arms were up and at the last second he put his arm. His arms were up the whole time, but he was not complying. Yeah. But anyway, there's. He has a twin sister and the twin sister. Now, just about. 60 minutes doesn't do a very good job of journalism when it comes to this kind of stuff because they don't really get at what the underlying problem is, which isn't police racism, but they never really get into it and the story. But the bigger overarching problem is when they're interviewing the sister and his twin sister, Terrence Crutcher's twin sister, and they're sort of saying, hey, why don't you just do what the cops said? We wouldn't be here if you just do what the cops say, which should. Everyone hates that message. But in terms of saving people's lives, that should be the first and only message that has gotten out to anyone in the public. Just do what the cops say. I know you don't like it, you find it disrespectful. You have to do it. Whatever color you are, you have to do it, or you could get shot by very nervous cop. All right, but her. Her answer was the following. Sorry, Gary, I'll run it.

[Joey McIntyre]

I've had people tweet and say, your brother deserved to die. Your brother, you know, is a thug.

[Adam Carolla]

Your brother should have complied or he.

[Joey McIntyre]

Would still be alive.

[Ben Folds]

You know, why didn't he do what.

[Joey McIntyre]

The officer asked him to do?

[Adam Carolla]

What do you say to that question? That he should have complied. You know, why did she want him to comply?

[Joey McIntyre]

I'm still curious. What crime was he committing? Why were you on the scene?

[Adam Carolla]

She noticed a car in the middle of the road.

[Joey McIntyre]

So she wasn't called to the scene because Terrence was committing a crime. She just noticed a car in the.

[Adam Carolla]

Middle of the road.

[Joey McIntyre]

And the outcome was, my brother was murdered.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. Well, here's the problem. When cops encounter SUVs parked in the middle of the road, running, and more two lane highway, more in the oncoming lane than the traffic's going with. And the cars running, they stop and get out of their car and start walking around. That's kind of what happens. You gotta internalize this a little bit, sweetie. You have to take some responsibility for this. It helps people not get shot. And then the cop assumes the person's on drugs. The guy had PCP in his system and they found PCP in the car. But the cop's nervous that somebody here has done some very erratic behavior. Well, they already have. I've left a running car in the middle of the street. And then she finds this guy wandering around. And he puts his hands up, but he just keeps walking toward his car, which has all the windows down. And the cop is worried that he's gonna reach into the car for something like a weapon. So she's yelling, stop, drop or whatever, roll, get down on your knees, whatever it is. And his hands are up, but he's still walking toward the car. Now we can turn this into racist cop declared open season on black people. But I don't feel like we're gonna save any more black people if that is the constant narrative to this. The way to save more folks is to really focus on complying. And then you can figure out later who was right and who was wrong. You will have your day in court because you'll be alive.

[Brian Bishop]

This could be being hashed out right now.

[Adam Carolla]

The sister wanted to know like, well, what is it the cops business that they get to talk to this civilian? And it's like, well, he left his vehicle running in the middle of the street and abandoned it. That's why the cop. The cop didn't kick open, throw open the guy's shower curtain and open fire. Yeah, he's wandering in the street. So overuse of force probably. Don't know. I mean, I don't know what she saw him reaching for. And they always do this. Well, there was no gun found in the car. Like, I get it. But that's after. We don't. She has no idea what this person is reaching for. So the. They never found a gun in the car. It's just more narrative. It doesn't. It doesn't mean there's a difference in how the person reacts. It's like saying there was a gun in the car but it had no bullets in it. Like, well, that's still not going to change any. Anything. But she wanted to know what the cop's business was, encountering the guy. Why didn't. Why wasn't she just going on her own way? Huh? That's weird. Anyway, so my uncle Joey, my dad's brother Joey. Yeah, yeah. He was a Sheriff, K9 unit and for Snohomish County. And I always remember this when I first got my driver's license. This is years ago. He always said, when you get pulled over, put your hands up where you can see him. He goes, open up. You spread your fingers and place it on top of the steering wheel. He goes. Because nothing worse than being cops. The biggest fear is pulling somebody over, especially at night. Just make it easy for them. Turn your car off and put your hands up on the steering wheel. Let them see all ten fingers spread apart like a blackjack dealer. And he goes. And watch how they act with you. They're going to be so much nicer to you. They're going to be actually nicer to you. And I swear to God, to this day, I still do it. I've gone out to so many tickets because I've done that. I'll get to interrupt you. And one more thing. Just go like this. I'm sorry. Say that to the cop. That's admitted. I'm sorry, Mitch. No. So what if you're speeding? If you're speeding or speeding, the bottom. But when you start a fight, here's the bottom line, is this, whether you're trying. Look, think about all the bullshit guys Layout Joe Coy does when he's trying to get laid. You know what I mean? Like, you can see him sitting there going, you have a cat that thinks it's a person. I have a cat that thinks it's a person. Total bullshit. But he's trying to get some pussy, right? It's all in the name. It's in the name of getting pussy. And if your approach to life is like, hey, fuck it, bitch, I don't lie. I tell it like it is. Well, guess who doesn't get any pussy. You see what I'm saying? So your goal is to get out of a ticket and overarching and bigger. Not getting shot. That's your goal. And a lot of people are like, I'm not gonna kiss that cop's ass if he's disrespectful. It's like saying, I'm not gonna kiss that chick's ass at the end of the bar. You're trying to get something out of this, which is out of attention. But how do they think, in their mind, mentally, that you're gonna get. How do you think you're gonna beat that person? You're not gonna beat a cop. No matter what, you're not gonna win. No matter how many times you argue, you're not gonna win. You know, I've never seen a cop go, you know what? You're fucking right, man. Go ahead. I just. You know, I saw your car was in the middle of the street, and. My bad. Especially if it's my bad. Get the fuck out of here, bro. I'm so dumb at that point. If it's ego against ego, you're not gonna win. No, I think. I think the gina. You're not gonna win. No matter what you start arguing with a cop, you're never gonna win. Right. Right. That's what I. Because then tempers are flaring. The problem. Obviously the problem here is the guy's high and he's not able to comply or to relate or whatever. But what I'm saying is, if we could change the narration or the discussion from. Why are cops out shooting black people? To look, whether. Look, we all. I just got the full pat down at the airport. The full. I mean, the new enhanced one. They went up inside? Yeah, up in me, man. Nice. Did they find anything? They found a pallop. Oh, yeah? It went that deep?

[Brian Bishop]

It's early screening.

[Adam Carolla]

A barnacle or whatever they're called. No, the guy. It's a dude. It's a tattooed dude going. I'm going full backhand. And they slide it up your inner thigh, and they go next to your nut sack, and they go next to your dick and everything. And it's like I just stood there and in my body, I was just. And my mind just drifted away to a beach drinking a pina colada. And I just stood there for. And he's doing what he's got to do. They're trying to protect people from whatever's going on. I don't know why the Guy pulled me out of line. It had something to do with a computer being in the same bin as a cell phone and sunglasses. It was nothing. Either way. All I want to do is get out of this exchange. And I just stood there motionless. I never said, like, whoa, what's up? Or what's he doing? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You're getting a little close there. I'm not the terrorist. Yeah. I'm not part of the. The problem. There was nothing I didn't look at as disrespect or anything personal or anything at all. It's just all they do is this is their job. And that theme needs to be pushed out more than it's open season on black people. That's not going to save anybody. It's not going to help the cops. Now the cops are more nervous, and all you can do is comply. Now you can start working on training. You can start working on different ways of non lethal force. We can start working on. On having folks that come in and are, you know, expediters for the city. We could have therapists traveling, or Dr. Drew could travel in each squad car. We could do a lot of different things. For now, comply. That'll stop. It'll bring it down. That'll bring down the shootings. It'll help for now, and then we can work on evolving. Okay, but just on a side note, when she said that she had people tweeting her that her brother deserved to die. Those are garbage, people. Yeah, those are garbage. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. It's all sad. All right, so now, the thing that was funny about Sonny. Sonny was in the passenger seat when we got pulled over. She didn't comply. I gave. He starts popping off. Yeah, I smell bacon, too. No, I, as a rich white guy who drives a nice car in a nice community, have given my kids the speech when you get pulled over. And we have been pulled over now multiple times with them in the car. You act this way for me, it's not to avoid getting shot, it's to avoid getting a ticket. But the exact same rules apply, which is make them happy and feel safe, and maybe we can avoid something horrific, catastrophic. Sonny did something that was weird, which is. And I didn't notice because I was looking out the rearview mirror at the squad car, and the guy walking up, Sonny pulled his sweat jacket hoodie over his head. Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

Keeping it real.

[Adam Carolla]

Pulled the hoodie up.

[Brian Bishop]

That's the opposite message.

[Adam Carolla]

Pulled the hoodie up. And I will tell you what his rationalization and justification was for the hoodie up. Oh, I can't wait for this. Not after this message. Right after Tommy John. I thought it was interesting. All right, let's see. What did he put the hoodie on for? Yeah, please. Pulled up the hoodie and attempt. And then an attempt to look older. Was worried that he wasn't supposed to be riding in the front seat. Oh, that just touched my heart. There's so many F laws. You're going to get into these things. Oh, Brian, you're going to be dealing with this because yoga's not safe. Here's the problem. Here's what you're up against. Women have a lot of compassion and a lot of love, but aren't. Aren't big on crunching numbers. At least my woman isn't. And you'll get into stuff with car seats that's insane. Like, they'll go, you gotta use the car seat. But, you know, from zero to age to age nine, the rear facing car seat first so they can turn around. Or if the child is over 70 pounds, and you'll go like, okay, well, they're over 70 pounds. They're not nine yet. And you'll be like, but they're over 70 pounds. They can just. They can sit in the back. And then you'll hear a bunch of studies that the car seat is actually more dangerous than a, you know, second or third grader just sitting buckled in. You realize it's actually worse because a lot of people don't buckle the buckle correctly because you have to pull it around and kind of dip it in and you can't see it from the outside when you're trying to get it hooked up. And you get into so many goddamn conversations. Like the amount of conversations our parents had about where we were riding in the car, which is 0 versus 200,000 conversations about when you could turn the seat around and how to properly buckle the seat in and if they could ride in the front seat or how to turn the airbag off if they were in the front seat. Turns out. So of course, Sonny's been indoctrinated in this giant vortex of pussy juice called a society.

[Brian Bishop]

Doesn't sound bad to me.

[Adam Carolla]

That was great. And he thinks, even though he's in the fifth grade, that he might get into some kind of trouble or that I could get into some kind of trouble because he's riding in the front seat of a vehicle. Which of course would never cross our minds growing up, but we didn't. We weren't drowning pussy Joe's.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I was just cold pressed.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Smothered and covered. Smothered and covered. Yeah. Did he think the cop had, like a yardstick? Son, step out of the car and.

[Brian Bishop]

Give him a little high chance.

[Adam Carolla]

Like Woody Woodpecker McGruff, the crime dog that had his arm sticking out.

[Brian Bishop]

He must be this tall. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

He put the hoodie up to look older, more mature.

[Brian Bishop]

To contrast these rules against.

[Adam Carolla]

Our father wasn't drinking. He even made his voice deeper. My father was just taking us to a movie, so he goes, mind your business. Yeah, mind your business, Smokey. Did my son do something wrong? Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

I just remembered. When I was. I was nine and my brother was six, one of my favorite memories was my uncle. My cool uncle, Uncle Wonka. He used to put us in the back of his.

[Adam Carolla]

Wonka.

[Brian Bishop]

We called him that. Cause he was so cool. Put us in the back of his covered. He had a pickup truck that was covered. Like he had a camper shower.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what you do.

[Brian Bishop]

And he would drive.

[Adam Carolla]

There's Jolly Ranchers back there, Brian.

[Brian Bishop]

He would drive on the freeway and we would be in back of this carpeted cover covered pickup truck. And as he was driving, he would occasionally jerk the car to one side, lying on either wheel.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, what a stupid uncle.

[Brian Bishop]

Either wheel.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm so happy you're happy about it.

[Brian Bishop]

We love it again, Uncle Bill.

[Adam Carolla]

What an idiot. Can you guys remember going along the freeway? Of course.

[Brian Bishop]

That's my point. This is so. This is such a distance from the rules that we have today.

[Adam Carolla]

The camper. The camper shell. The kind that had grandma's attic up top of that little thin window in the front. And you'd go and see kids laying up there while the guy was on the freeway. See two kids, like, waving with their faces smashed against the glass. My dad, we're gonna die.

[Brian Bishop]

Rolling around the back as he jerks the car.

[Adam Carolla]

Our biggest. Our biggest outing was twice a year. We'd go over Coldwater Canyon down to this little park adjacent from the fire station on Coldwater Canyons. A sweet little. Little miniature park. And when we would go up and over Coldwater Canyon, my dad, who had a vw, not a convertible, but the weird rag top thing where you undo this weird latch and the whole thing would open up like. Like a big canvas folding thing. It was like a big patch of canvas on the top. You'd open it up and then he'd let me and my sister stand on the passenger seat and like, hang our. You know, king of the world, you know, just sort of see, coasted down, cold water. That's A cool dad. Yeah, he's a delight. No, Uncle Wonka, all this stuff. I mean, stuff. You'd have your kids removed today if that was the fact. All right, our guests are here. Let me just blow through. These guys have been whole for a thousand years. Let me blow through. Why do boxers make the whoosh sound when they throw a punch? In movies, you do it when you.

[Brian Bishop]

Do the focus pads.

[Adam Carolla]

I make the whoosh sound, but my arm doesn't make the whoosh sound? Is that what you're asking? Yes, it is. Yeah. I'm not as bothered by that as I'm bothered by every movement of a handgun makes a sound. So when the guy goes, not so fast, and he pulls it out, it makes a. Yeah, not even that just makes a. Makes a mechanical sound. It makes like a mechanical sound. And then later on, the guy, same gun will go, well, get ready to meet your maker. And he'll move it toward the guy's head. It makes another gun sound, but it's not. He's pulling the hammer. He's not doing anything. Anytime you move a handgun, there's a. No, a mechanical noise that goes with it.

[Brian Bishop]

I have the exact same pet peeve about any time a knife or sword gets through the air, through a person, through whatever, you always hear the guy pulls.

[Adam Carolla]

The guy pulls it out of his waistband and it makes that noise. But that's his underpants and a leather belt.

[Brian Bishop]

Every time.

[Adam Carolla]

Every single time.

[Brian Bishop]

Switches the air and you'll hear, right, Vincent?

[Adam Carolla]

46. Oh, 26. Sorry. Fremont, California. What's going on? Ace, man. Get it on, brother. Get it on, man. Hey, man, just real quick, I want to say I'm a big fan of, you know, everything you do and providing us with all of your free thought and just want to say I enjoy the heck out of listening to you guys every day, but thank you. Just to get to my question, you know, Trump released a budget plan for 2018 drastically cutting federal funding to things like EPA, also PBS. But he's also going to provide more funding for things like the VA and, you know, of course, defense. I was just wondering on your thoughts on that. I have feelings. You know, the defense thing is kind of a weird thing because it's like, I wish we wouldn't have to do it. Like, I don't want to do it. I hate it. It's such a waste. But on the other hand, as long as the minute we cut it, North Korean, Russians, as long as everyone is just out there saber rattling, just like all the time. Thank you. As Humanity goes like, I would love to just say to everybody, we could have a million children's hospitals, first class education for everybody on the. You know, monorails running everywhere for the Mount, Everybody. Everything would be solar. Everyone would be driving a Tesla for one tenth of what we've spent over the last 70 years. Why can we just stop? But they can't. Nobody can. And then. And we can't. So, you know, I guess there's a way to do it that's more efficient and I'd like to do it, and I don't like it. But on the other hand, what are you gonna do? Russia's nuts, North Korea's nuts. The whole Middle east is nut. And that's all I want to do. I will tell you, this military is pretty cool. I perform for the troops. Right there on the dmz. You're welcome. Right there on the Korean. I love your new special, man. Oh, thank you, man. Appreciate it. Yeah. Fucking awesome. Just like last night. Awesome, man. Thank you. But right there on the dmz, and the coolest part, man, because that's one thing that they have those propaganda videos that you watch in your room where they go, like, if you ever get captured by North Korea, remember you're in America and don't give any. Like, they have that. That type of stuff. They don't have like a regular commercials. Anyways, long story short, I was going to the gig, and at the stoplight, big F15 comes across. So I'm sitting there, and then the fighter jet, the fight, the pilot just salutes us as he's going through the green light. And I was like, military's cool. Oh, I love this. Greatest. I felt so, like, proud to be an American, you know what I mean? Just. It was cool. I. So funny.

[Brian Bishop]

There's a lot of the best the public can do, you know what? The engineering, it's a lot. It represents a lot of the best of what we can be. You know, not to shutters the space.

[Adam Carolla]

Program, but you know what's crazy is when you live in the States, you don't know that these guys are actually in war right now. We are still technically at war with North Korea. It's just not happening. But at any given moment, it can happen. So I don't know, you just like being saluted? I like being saluted. I thought that was cool. It's just. You just wish. You just wish. I mean, there's so many examples, ripples. It never works. I just wish we could come to some agreement, but it's impossible. It's just impossible. It's like you're gonna live on a block. The block's gonna have some crazy cunt who lives two doors down. She's gonna call the cops all the time. She's gonna put notes on the windshield of your friend when he comes by or whatever it is. And there's no amount of breath in your lungs that can talk her out of that. And I don't get it. And you keep going. What's in it for you? What's in it for you? You could have so much more. 2. Nobody's gonna do anything to you. And it's like, no, this is the way we go. Forgot my stepdad, who got two Purple Hearts and two Bronze Stars because he got hit by sniper. And he also. His platoon was hit by shrapnel. A bomb went off. He got hit by shrapnel at 17. And then he went back in. He could have went home at 17. And then he went back in and fought again. He got hit by a sniper. And that's how he got his second.

[Brian Bishop]

Purple Heart named Lucky.

[Adam Carolla]

Everyone forgets about him. And it's like, I don't want them to take away his. You know what I mean? His pain. Like they. To this day, they still take care of him. And I think I'd love to pay for that. Well, I agree with that too, cg. Good. Just hung up on my stepdad. Good. Yeah. Hey, Patrick. Hey, Ace, man, how you doing? Good, man. Hey, I got a. Well, coincidentally, I'm calling from a Navy base in Pensacola. Oh, good. I'm working with Blue angel guys. But anyways, my question was Coca Cola is ad campaign they got going on now is taste the ceiling. That little slug line at the end. I'm trying to get your thoughts on exactly what feelings taste like. Syrupy goodness. Everything's got to be feelings based. Like I said, we jumped the shark when we started doing truck commercials that started talking about how the good vibes that this truck runs off all these stupid Toyota commercials which shows a guy with his tundra and he's pulling over the ref who called his son out. And the rain, rainstorm, and he's picking them up. And the. The veteran females coming home and they've set up all the lights. Hello. And all this stuff. And like I said when I was a kid, every truck commercial was a double I beam suspension with dual quad exhaust. That is like can take a beating. You know, everything's like a payload, payload, payload. You know, it was always like towing. They would drop like this Big flat of stuff like brakes. Yeah. They'd have a couple pallets of concrete blocks and drop. First off, who's the running? The skip loader drops it every time, gently place it down like, why bother with a forklift? You're just going to drop it five feet above the box. Is it like a big giant that just drops a pallet of blocks? I know everything was getting dropped and then it was all, you know, horsepower and then it would be like, and 460 stump busting foot pounds of torque. You know, show a guy the chain hooked up to a trunk, to a trunk of a tree and just yanking that stump out. At a certain point, him and his son would be like sitting, having a beer like on the fender or whatever.

[Brian Bishop]

Punch each other in the face.

[Adam Carolla]

Now it's all about good vibes. So. Yeah, I don't, I don't get it. I don't like it. It hurts my feelings. Yeah, no, I. Everything. If you start looking at commercials, everything from, you know, food to Coke to trucks to whatever, they start talking about just good vibes. Subaru commercials are just about good vibes. They're not talking about intercoolers or horsepower or. Well, they don't have to because everybody knows what an excellent car it is. Their commercials are just about feeling good and donating money to save the trees. Their commercials are no longer discussing crash safety or torque or horsepower, zero to 60 or even fuel mileage. It used to be a lot of, hey, 17 in the city, 21 on the highway. It's just drive a Subaru, get a good vibe.

[Brian Bishop]

That's interesting too. You're absolutely right. What's interesting about that too is Christie was just at a work retreat summit thing for marketers and they were asked, they were tasked to come up with three iconic, three brands, three current brands that are super on brand, on message. You know what they're all about. Subaru was one of them. They all agree Subaru is doing it right. So it's funny that like they're so against what was the norm that it's like sticking out, you know, stuck on like a sore thumb.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And I think it's a, I think part of it to give the devil their due because all cars work now and people aren't interested in cars. Like they don't care about four on the floor, four wheel disc brake. You know, all the stuff that kids just want to drive a Prius and.

[Brian Bishop]

Every car's got a five star Uber.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. They just want to get from A to B and not be Bothered. And they're not anymore. With all that aside, screw it. Let's go with the good vibes. Yeah. Penetrate that second. Gary, you can find that Pontiac GTO commercial where the guy literally took the lead pipe and started beating the front of his car, which is if you can contrast that to today's Subaru commercial. Pontiac, like a 69 GTO had this composite front. This rubberized, like front nose on the 68.69GTO that you could hit with a lead pipe. Yes, I'll tell you about. Speaking of good vibes, man. Barkbox. Ah. Delivery of four to six natural treats. Super fun toys picked around a surprise theme for each month. You just tell them how big your dog is. Geez, I don't know how big Phil is because we have to take him to a truck scale. He cannot be weighed. And through conventional means.

[Brian Bishop]

Sonny put his hoodie up over him so he can make sure he ride.

[Adam Carolla]

In the front seat. Just tell him how big the dog is. Choose a plan. 1 through 612 months, whatever you like. Then bark boxes are shipped on the 15th of each month. Cancel anytime. Free shipping in the continental U.S. if your dog doesn't like something in the box, they'll send them something new. They'll do it for free. This kind of thing where definitely score some points. We're talking about trying to woo a young lady. She's got herself a mutt. Get her the bark box. All edible treats are made in the US Or Canada, so you know they're safe and good for bow. And for free extra month, just go to barkbox.com corolla when you subscribe, you get a free extra month. That is barkbox.com corolla all right, do we have the Pontiac? This is every year Motor Trend magazine takes away crowbars beating his car, naming its part of the year training. The crowbar. That's an angry mob that is physically assaulting a car they look for.

[Brian Bishop]

We're all in lab coats.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Great engineering and ingenuity of design. Awesome. This year, Motor Trend gave Pontiac for the fourth time, 14 more guys to go. Pontiac's the only car maker ever to receive this guy's. One guy's wearing a gorilla mask, Bob. Wrong video. Different video, different fit. What? What are you signed for? Put your penis, get your dick back. Take the mask off. Turns to great.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, this is how far.

[Adam Carolla]

It's an angry mob of people beating a Pontiac with a crowbar. And if you can find Subaru, you can see where we're at.

[Brian Bishop]

Where we're at that was Orson Welles. Rock bottom.

[Adam Carolla]

The voiceover kid walking down the hall with his puppy. Oh.

[Brian Bishop]

Box of toys.

[Adam Carolla]

Look at that towhead boy. There's no way you get a box of toys in a car.

[Brian Bishop]

Give me some help.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I'm good. Cool dad with hipster beard. Yeah. Nice mom. Cute mom. Cute, but not too hot. Yeah, yeah. Looking at the pictures. You want these? You keep those, Mom. Oh, that's nice. Cute kid. Haven't heard the name of the car yet.

[Brian Bishop]

You have to go.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, Got his blankie loading up the car, hugging mommy. We always trusted our Subaru Impreza would.

[Ben Folds]

Be there for him.

[Adam Carolla]

First time we heard the word Subaru was 3/4 of the way in.

[Joey McIntyre]

Someday would come so fast.

[Adam Carolla]

The sun. Sun's coming out of Spy. Curious. Who are you? We got the old dog in there.

[Ben Folds]

Impreza, the longest lasting vehicle in its class.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. There you go. I just cried. Where was the kid going in the first clip? We took a charge with him. He's ready for college. Oh, wow. Okay. All right. And they got that stupid. I blame that dead fat Hawaiian guy. Never. Who did Somewhere over the Rainbow with his ukulele. Now we've decided to dust off the ukulele and put it in every single. Every Heartstrings Tugged commercial there is. Right? All right. Israel Kalama. Something. Yeah. I blame him. That's the one. Whales don't fly. Oh, sorry. All right. I blame this dude because the ukulele went out with Tiny Tim tiptoe through the tulips on Don Ho.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. When they were all gone. All right. I always thought. Joe. Yeah. You know my theory with guitars. The guy plays ukulele, gets no pussy at all. Right? Ever. Then guy steps up to Jimi Hendrix sized guitar and goes, never stops getting his dick sucked. Right. Like he plays that size guitar. Yeah. Never stops fucking everybody in every band. Yeah. Yeah. So then the Mexican guy sees what's going on. He's like, I'm gonna build a gy giant guitar. Yeah. And I'll never stop getting my dick sucked. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So he goes and bails a huge guitar. It's like, hey, if Jimi Hendrik and Jimmy Page are getting their dick sucked 247 with that medium sized guitar. Wait. I build this spruce goose of a guitar. I'm gonna get my dick sucked. Like on stage. Like while I'm playing, I'm not even gonna note out, oh, that guy plays his giant guitar. Yeah. Never gets a blowjob. Never. It's the sweet spot right in the middle Miniature nothing. Giant. Nope. Nothing. It's got to be in the middle. Right in the middle. Right in the middle.

[Brian Bishop]

True, that's true. This book is Sweet spot.

[Adam Carolla]

Sweet spot. I said it. Mattress height. Sweet spot. Yes. It's like 28 and 3/8 of an inch off the ground. You put on the mattress on the ground. Futon loser, flop house, crack house. Right. Six foot off the ground. That's. That's prison bunk. That's built the loft in the apartment with no square footage, but that, just that height, that perfect height.

[Brian Bishop]

And you know, the phone ringing.

[Adam Carolla]

Lynch, listen up.

[Brian Bishop]

This is the next book.

[Adam Carolla]

Write it down. The sweet spot. All right, Joe Coy live from Seattle. Available on Netflix as we speak. And the koi pond, you can check that out. Can you spell my name please? Please. J, O, K, O, Y. Everybody, it's time to check Adam's voice. Voicemail. Dude. I was waiting behind about five or six people because the person in the front would not go right at a red. And we're all leaving this mall shopping center and it's a six lane road. Literally a six lane road they're turning onto for four minutes. I'm sitting there, they're not even inching, they're not even trying to go right. I honk. The guy in front of me throws his arms up like a big fucking pussy and his girlfriend's giving me the fucking finger. And I'm like, you fucking idiots, I'm not honking at you. And when I'm telling him this, a CHP pulls up next to me and he goes, just so you know, you can get an excessive honking ticket. And I said, they've been sitting here without letting anyone go right, with an open lane to turn into for three to four minutes and nobody's honked at them. I'm the first person to honk. And he said, honking doesn't do anything. You can leave us a message at 888-634-1744. I hate it. I hate it. All honk all the time. Even if you're not horny. Joey McIntyre is here. Return of the Mac is the name of the show. Very good. I watched it last night on Pop tv. I got a sneak preview of it. It's coming to Pop TV. That is next Wednesday, April 12, 8:30. And of course, Adam Ray, who turned into quite the thespian place. Joey's agent, really just his sidekicks. A two man show, man. Congratulations.

[Ben Folds]

Thank you, man. We had a fun time doing it.

[Adam Carolla]

It was a blast. I'm looking down here. And I know we always get our minds blown by this stuff, but in 1991, new kids outgrossed Michael Jackson and Madonna for highest earning entertainers. Holy. Unbelievable, man.

[Ben Folds]

Divided by five, let's start there, half.

[Brian Bishop]

Taxes, but then multiply by however many times, you know, your investments.

[Ben Folds]

Everybody relax.

[Adam Carolla]

80. Yeah. They've sold over 80 million records. Oh, did you guys go on a cruise or am I making that? No, no. Adam, tell me something like that. Remember I came back from the crowd and hyping that up and then you guys were like, we gotta do that shit. And we did it. Yeah, because it was there. Yeah.

[Ben Folds]

Did you actually do it? Oh, yeah, it's. Well, you see. You see, it's. It's madness. Yeah, we've done it. We're doing our ninth in October, people. It's so big that people think we live on the boat like all year round. It's just. It's just four nights, five days. But we try to give them the time of their lives, you know, and it's.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a good time, if I may say. Young Gina grad is. Her head is exploding right now. The current one's like, yeah, whatever.

[Ben Folds]

Keeping it cold.

[Adam Carolla]

The young ones going insane. Well, that's how I even got, like, Joey and I met, because, I don't know, the posters you guys had on your wall as kids. I know, Adam, you had like a Keith Sweat poster and a Keith Sweat and a Dolly Parton poster and a Billy Ocean poster. And I would every night pray, you know, you look at them and you talk to your posters and you're like, you know, I hope someday I can meet my heroes and, you know, act alongside them. And you talk to your posters long enough and dreams become real.

[Ben Folds]

You know what? Joe came through the wall, perfect segue. And this is why I had him on the show. Speaking of posters, let's just get right to it.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Ben Folds]

So I'm going through a box because I had to look at, like, early photos, and I pull this gem out.

[Adam Carolla]

Or looking at this poster he's on.

[Ben Folds]

I don't know. Is that fucked up?

[Adam Carolla]

Are we getting a shot of that?

[Ben Folds]

Is that all kinds of just fucking wonderful and fucked upness at the same time?

[Adam Carolla]

Joey McIntyre and Adam Carolla both center folds on the same piece of.

[Ben Folds]

This is going over your pinball machine, dude. I'm framing this.

[Adam Carolla]

I love it.

[Ben Folds]

I'm checking it out.

[Adam Carolla]

Joe. Joe's going full sort of Burt Reynolds on the food, Burt Reynolds on the futon. I'm on the set of the Man Show. But what publication is this?

[Ben Folds]

It's. It's an ALIE ad.

[Brian Bishop]

What are you promoting?

[Adam Carolla]

It's an alieve ad.

[Ben Folds]

I think so.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Money coming in. It's.

[Ben Folds]

It's the two of us and an Olympian. Just three.

[Adam Carolla]

Fucking the greatest game.

[Ben Folds]

You can imagine what it says. I mean, I don't know. One of the questions, it's like, for your quote, about working out is, I don't know anybody who enjoys it. It's like, let's get it over with as quickly as possible.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Oh, I'm talking about sex. Yeah. That's my working out.

[Ben Folds]

Lord knows what I was saying. But anyways, wow. Moving on. I need to bring that by.

[Adam Carolla]

I love it. I will frame it. And I've never seen that in my adult life. Oh, my God.

[Brian Bishop]

It says, feel like this, points at Adam. Says, take him to leave. Feel like this, points at Joey.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, before and after. It would have been great if poses were reversed. You know what I'm saying? No, it was not.

[Brian Bishop]

And an ad was laid out.

[Adam Carolla]

Adam reclining on his lounge. It's classic. Yeah. So Nick will hold it up so you folks at home can see, and we'll take a picture of it. God, that is so. Where. I was just cleaning. I don't know if I recommend this or not, but I had to do the same thing. I had to clean out boxes with a whole bunch of pictures. And. And it's weird, like. And there's a part of you that feels good, and then there's a part of you that's confused, like, well, who was that and where was that and what were we thinking? And how did I fit it all in my mouth? Yeah. Yeah. But you. I mean, you know, I look back and I had, you know, fair to Midland Success. I didn't sell out soccer stadiums in Japan, you know. So is all that rattling around in your brain somewhere? And does it feel like that was your life or is another life and.

[Ben Folds]

Another person a little bit of everything. I mean, you know, we got back together in 2008 after 15 years, so there's a little bit of that rattling around. Anyways. I mean, we're lucky enough that our fans came back and we're playing arenas still, which is amazing. So there's a little bit of that celebration, laughing at it, having a laugh about it. But, no, I guess it's like people looking at high school pictures. You know what I mean? You sort of like, oh, my God, what was I thinking?

[Adam Carolla]

And, so how did this project come about? And then how did you and Adam get hooked up?

[Ben Folds]

We were both in the Heat, but we didn't work on the Heat with Paul Feig.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it was basically, yeah, we met. So they had a premiere party at the end of the.

[Brian Bishop]

After the screening in New York, and.

[Adam Carolla]

They had at some swanky bar, and the people who basically closed down the party. I was like, this could be the last movie or thing I ever do. I'm not leaving until they tell me to leave. And Drop dragged me out with the bottle of tequila. And so the people remaining at the party was myself, my buddy from home that I brought with me, Allison Jones, who cast the movie, a couple associates of hers, Joe and then Ben Affleck, and who was hammered and hitting on a couple chicks. And we were all at this party and.

[Ben Folds]

That's nice of you.

[Adam Carolla]

You had to pick between Joe and Ben. What's that?

[Ben Folds]

That's nice of you.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, about.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, there's Joe.

[Ben Folds]

I gotta take care of my boss.

[Adam Carolla]

Two guys. I wish. He was flirting. He was flirting.

[Ben Folds]

It's okay.

[Brian Bishop]

And so I went up to Joe.

[Adam Carolla]

And I was like, oh, man. Like, we were both in the movie. And he was like, yeah, man. And I can't remember all the dog that was exchanged. But then they were about to play.

[Brian Bishop]

In Seattle the week after, and I.

[Adam Carolla]

Was going to fly up and bring my sister to the show, and I was like, I already got tickets, but is it cool? Like, you know, she never gets out. I could bring her backstage. He's like, dude, don't even. Like, I'll get you better seats. You bring her back and hang out. And then there and then, you know, he's a big comedy dude. So it's like, once we got back to la, he was like, do I want to come see shows? And then dudes also. Dudes also don't need much to bond. It's like sports comedy, you know? You don't like Creed, do you? Hell, yeah. Let's get a beer. You know, like, minimal information and dialogue. Yeah, no, it's true. It's. You can do it over just. You like your Chevy guy? Yeah. You like El Caminos? Love them. All right. Let me blow you. I'll get you a beer. Yeah. Yeah, that's all. That's all we need. Grocery excursions. Yeah, he.

[Ben Folds]

Yeah, I think he's a very, very funny guy. So I was. I knew. I knew it would work. And I guess I just come off of a CBS sitcom called the McCarthys, but we only did 15 episodes. We kind of knew we were on the bubble. Barely. We were going to get canceled. They said maybe, you know, it was one of those things. And I was at a press event, critics for this thing we were doing on Pop T. Because we were doing a show called Rock this Boat for our cruise that we did. And I'm not really a chip on my shoulder guy, but I was at that thing and I was like, fuck, look at all these shows, man. I gotta. And I gotta. You know, I knew McCarthy's was getting canceled and I just had this seed of an idea and Donnie Wahlberg was there and he's done a ton of stuff in the business as an actor and a producer and we've worked together.

[Adam Carolla]

So I said, he's in the pilot as well. Yeah.

[Ben Folds]

And he's. So I say, what would it take to do? I started with an idea of maybe I'll do like a behind the scenes talk show thing, which has been done, but everything's been done to death. But I was like, my slant would be, I just want to get out of the house. My kids are driving me crazy when I'm off tour. I got to do all the pickups and the drop offs. And one thing led to another. I met Donnie and Jenny McCarthy introduced me to Paul Greenberg, who's a great writer. And the two of us created together. And the minute I. It was one of those things you hear all the time. Like, I wrote this part for you. Like when I wrote I. It was. I was just writing Adam. It was just. It was really super easy and just.

[Brian Bishop]

Julie.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Just great calves and. Yeah.

[Ben Folds]

And then, you know, it was. It took a while, but I guess by TV standards, it didn't take too long to get on the air. Took a couple of years from one to the end.

[Adam Carolla]

How did the band form? I never had any. Was everyone from Boston?

[Ben Folds]

Yeah, we're all from Boston. Started, well, started with Maury Star, who started New Edition. So New Edition and Maury Star, they did their. Their first big album was Candy Girl My World, that one. And Is this that so that album. And so. And they were from Boston, so we looked up to them. That was amazing. And Maurice Star was this big 6 foot 3 afro jive as Jive could be, but a big, like, teddy bear. And so they split up and he was like, well, I know what I'm going to do. I'm going to get five white kids and it's going to be huge. And no one could tell Maurice anything differently. And through a connection, he basically found Donnie Wahlberg first, who didn't had huge aspirations to be in a band or anything, but he was big personality, and he loved music and loved that kind of funk music that Maurice was doing. And they met, and for a while, it was just Donnie. He convinced Mark for like, three months to come and sing and maybe try to make a record. And Mark was like, I'm done. I'm not doing this.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, neither of the Wahlberg strike me is that. I mean, well, because usually music is something that's sort of in you. So you just. Just. You take a look at any musical act, and they may have done platinum business, you know, 20 years ago, but if you find them today, they're just playing a club, still playing, like, comedians can be that way or something. But Donnie Wahlberg doesn't strike. She strikes me as sort of an entrepreneur. Entrepreneur into arts or acting or whatever, producing, writing, but not music. This got. Just pulled in temporarily into this. No, no.

[Ben Folds]

I mean, he's got. He's got a. I mean, he's got serious rhythm, so. And. And he's actually an amazing rapper. It's just that, like, on our first album, we had two raps. This is when it flopped. This is before Beastie Boys, but Donnie's a very talented rapper, and he. I mean, he produced and wrote Good Vibrations, that whole Marky Mark album. So he's a very talented dude. It's just that it's almost like an alter ego for him. You know, once he. When he's around new kids and we're putting on a show, it's. It's a whole nother.

[Adam Carolla]

So how old were you when you got into it?

[Ben Folds]

12.

[Adam Carolla]

12. Can you imagine? At 12? I was like.

[Ben Folds]

Just like, this was a.

[Adam Carolla]

This was figuring out what to do, you know, My boners. No, this is Pop Tarts.

[Ben Folds]

It was an after school thing. It wasn't. It wasn't this bad. I mean, it was cool that what got me in was that they were. You know, this guy produced New Edition, which was huge. That was cool.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Ben Folds]

But for the first few years, we just did talent shows around Boston, and the thing about us is that, you know, we only perform for black audiences. It was all black audiences for, you know, first three years. So when we finally did get some steam on a record on a second album and our first single, when we played the Apollo, that was. That was our crowd. And so it wasn't a huge surprise.

[Adam Carolla]

We were just playing prisons.

[Ben Folds]

Yeah, we did play prisons, though.

[Adam Carolla]

We play prisons too.

[Ben Folds]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So wait, so you're 12? You're 12 years old.

[Brian Bishop]

12 years old in prison.

[Ben Folds]

Watch out now.

[Adam Carolla]

Give me your shoes, motherfucker.

[Ben Folds]

We drew cigarettes out to the crowd, actually.

[Adam Carolla]

So you're 12. How do they find you? Or how do you find them?

[Ben Folds]

I was so Dorchester. The other guys grew up in Dorchester. I grew up in Jamaica Plain, which was like the difference between maybe like Manhattan and Queens, Right. So you know that when they first called and were like, yeah, what do you think of this? And I was like, Dorchester. I was like. That sounded like Beirut to me. So I was like, I'm all set with that because I was in community theater. I was doing Oliver. I was doing Music Man.

[Adam Carolla]

I was doing we don't care who you're fucking. Yeah. I don't want to bring up these guys names. Started family, so I'm straightened out.

[Brian Bishop]

Do me credits.

[Adam Carolla]

Look up, see this music man. See if we can find out his name. But yeah, I don't say Oliver's last name. The point is this.

[Ben Folds]

Yeah, right, right, right, right.

[Adam Carolla]

You were doing theater. That's enough. We don't need to change my story for you.

[Ben Folds]

And while I was in my garage band, Adam, and I was just tooling around, and I was like, pop music. And they just fucking convinced me, man. I was kind of like this Rochester. I still play, like six or seven instruments.

[Adam Carolla]

I know how it works.

[Ben Folds]

And so the florist.

[Adam Carolla]

Get your mom hooked up.

[Ben Folds]

I'm going to bring you a whole new audience, Adam. I expand. It's okay. Don't be afraid.

[Adam Carolla]

So you're doing your. You're doing your thing.

[Ben Folds]

I'm rocking out in Oliver.

[Adam Carolla]

Sorry.

[Ben Folds]

And they called around Boston public schools looking for little white kids who could sing and dance. So my name came up. I was going to Catholic school, but I went to an After School bro program, and they gave me the number. And I was scared at first, but then I went and I sang a song for Maurice. Very unceremonious. I sang a Nat King Cole song. Is that all right? Is that King Cole Enough? What you do love L is for.

[Adam Carolla]

The way you look at me.

[Ben Folds]

See? So great song. So. And that's it. I did in two weeks. Later, I was in the studio with New kids. And that again. That was our first album. Our first album flopped. The big album was Hanging Tough. And that happened a couple of years later?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Gina, you were the youngest, correct?

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

And by how much?

[Ben Folds]

About four years.

[Adam Carolla]

So was there a sort of a hazing process for you or.

[Ben Folds]

Absolutely, absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Ben Folds]

I mean, kids will be kids, boys will be boys. So it wasn't it got rough sometimes. I mean. And what did Jordan do? No, it wasn't Jordan. It was mostly Don, but Jordan did. I never let him forget. He took a running start. We were in a parking lot in Boston, maybe about 50, 60 foot running start. And just gave me a backhander that I'll never forget. Just for fun, you know what I mean? Jordan, are you listening? I forgive you. He did two things to me.

[Adam Carolla]

That's it.

[Ben Folds]

That's the thing. When you're really nice, you remember the shit that nice people do to you. Not the guy who busts your ball all the time, was.

[Adam Carolla]

So when you guys went out onto the road and seriously on the road to support the album, were you 16 at this point?

[Ben Folds]

15. Yeah. 15, 16, 17.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. And that, that four years, by the way, between 15, 16 and 19, 20.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, they're exactly massive.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. Massive as it pertains to the road. Everything that has to do with the road.

[Ben Folds]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Because, you know, Even though at 18, 19 or 20, you're not 21, chicks, booze, everything, drugs, everything is on the table. Versus 15. That's tight. Is that tough?

[Ben Folds]

You know, I mean, I wasn't. I was. Plus I was kind of a late bloomer. I didn't really know, you know, I didn't have a lot of game, you know what I'm saying? So I was like. But I wasn't like, man, I wish I was getting, you know, getting some ass here. You know what I mean? The other guys were. It was. It was good times, you know, for them. I was a little, you know, it. I like to think I made up for it over the years, but that might just be a story too. But yeah, much different experience. But it was cool. I was having fun. I mean, by the time we were playing stadiums, it was crazy and it was just too big and it wasn't really fun anymore. But we survived.

[Adam Carolla]

Was it? Was it? You know, I found that the demise of this is the guys who make the schedules aren't the guys who have to travel and go out and perform it, you know, so they get this stuff all the time where they're like, look, man, you're already in Australia, right? Why not hit Fiji on the way home? You're on the way home and then Bangkok. Yeah. I mean, you're flying. Well, why fly over? Just stop. In and out. Quick stadium hammer check. And this guy's doing the whole schedule from his house and Encino. Yeah. And she's like. Which you're already. And then. But you don't realize the burnout factor is insane when they start putting those schedules together. Right? Yeah.

[Ben Folds]

And of course, the. The teen idol thing is like, they're gonna be done before you know it, let's get it while it's hot type thing, you know, which adds to the fuel. Right.

[Brian Bishop]

And also, you probably couldn't. Most of you, I imagine, couldn't afford to be. If you're having a bad day, it wasn't part of your image to be sullen or angry. Like, you had to be smiley, pop, happy guy all the time, which is probably really taxing.

[Ben Folds]

Yeah, it is. I mean, you seem like a bright.

[Brian Bishop]

Like a happy guy anyway.

[Ben Folds]

But I'm imagining we were. It gets to you. I mean, if you could go through the pictures. It gets to you. It gets to all of us in different ways.

[Brian Bishop]

I saw a picture of you and Carolla. Look pretty happy.

[Adam Carolla]

Exactly. And the Shay's laughing.

[Brian Bishop]

That was after the.

[Ben Folds]

That was after the fall a little bit. But, yeah, I mean, yeah, there was. There was some. Like, we weren't. We were who we were, you know, I feel like the boy band mold might have been created from us. And then after us, it was like, we need a cute one. We need this one. That being said, there was new addition. There was Michael Jackson, There were the Osmond. So I'm not saying we created it, but we weren't trying to be anybody.

[Adam Carolla]

We weren't.

[Ben Folds]

Did you guys ever have to fight.

[Adam Carolla]

Fight off, like, fans, or did security have to, like, you know, physically throw.

[Brian Bishop]

People to the ground?

[Ben Folds]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

It was crazy.

[Ben Folds]

They were, you know, jumping on buses and trying to hide in closets and shit.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Is Japan one the craziest or is Japan.

[Ben Folds]

Well, they always say, you know, we're often asked, what's the craziest story? And the one that usually I tell is, I came. We were in Korea, which is a crazy story because we got to the airport and they didn't want to know that. This shit's gonna get crazy. You know, the security there is like, we're fine. They don't want to listen to you.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Ben Folds]

You know, the whole culture clash thing, and it was basically, you know, just picture any, you know, baggage claim area that you go to with packed wall to wall with 5,000 Korean girls, and you got to get from point A to the van, and there's just not enough manpower. And it was like people were falling. It was nuts.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Ben Folds]

So that's how our trip started. And then the next day, I was coming back from the gym and getting go to my room and I get undressed. I'm going into my bathroom and close the door and there's two Korean schoolgirls behind the door. Now that sounds like every kid's dream.

[Adam Carolla]

I never thought it would happen until.

[Ben Folds]

It happens to you. And you scream like a little girl and you run down the hallway and say, you know, so, yeah, they got into your rooms. They got into all that. And then because you don't know if.

[Adam Carolla]

They'Re there to like, you know, have some fun or maybe take you out. Yeah. Maybe put your head on.

[Ben Folds]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Adam Carolla cut out again.

[Ben Folds]

Maybe a couple more years. I would. It would. That story would ended differently, but I was still, still working it out.

[Adam Carolla]

The ret. Sorry. Return of the Mac on Pop TV. That is coming up April 12th, 8:30. Very funny. Go poptv.com we'll do. Let's just do one news story. Get it queued up there. I'll tell you guys about Lifelock. Ah, let's see. Donating or reselling an old cell phone. How about you gotta be careful. Thieves that can apply scanning technology and find personal info and recreate your identity. Let's not do that. Let's use LifeLock. Identity theft, America's fastest growing crime. I have Lifelock. My kids have it, my wife has it. Everybody at the Corolla house has it. You're born, you get yourself Social Security number issued to you and then everyone's off and running trying to rip off your identity. No one can prevent all identity theft or mine are all transactions at all businesses. But Lifelock is the best protection available. And it starts at just 9.99amonth. That's it. Just 9.99amonth. It's 2017, people. You're buying everything online. You're always online. Protect your identity and protect it using LifeLock. Just 9.99amonth. LifeLock. Dawson, go to LifeLock.com or call 1-800-lifelock and use promo code ADAM. That's ADAM. For 10% off your LifeLock Ultimate plus membership, visit LifeLock.com and save 10% now. All right, let's do one good story. Oh, he's a proud. Give me the news with crap. News with Gina Grad. Breaking viral. All those crazy Trump tweets. Give me News with Gina Grad. Trouble in the Middle East, Celebrity drunk meltdown. Seek News with Gina. Gina. The News with Gina Grad. Well, okay, if I pick one story, this has absolutely the best visual, hands down. So this is for you guys. Police responded Wednesday to an intersection in north northeast Houston. Where drivers reported seeing a man duct taped to a yield sign. They arrived to find a second man with a knife approaching the guy who was taped to the middle of the sign. Feet not touching the ground. That's what you get.

[Brian Bishop]

Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

Police respecting the rules. Thank you. Police soon discovered the man was actually attempting to cut his friend down, who had been taped to the sign as punishment for losing a bet he had placed on the Houston Rockets Golden State warriors game. Good. I love that. Can we bring back that type of shit? We tried sports bets. This is great. He said his punishment was to either allow himself to be duct taped to a street sign or a car. So he decided to do a coin flip and got the pole. Nice.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, listen, he's not good at gambling.

[Adam Carolla]

Poor people. Listen up, because you may not have a lot of currency stakes to put up, but let's not forget that there's dignity on the table. Yeah, there's dignity. We can put a price on dignity. And so if you only got a few bucks to wager, definitely have this one. It's the best. It's more the guy wiring stuff. Yeah, girls don't do that. Right? All right, all right. If I lose, you can smack shit in my ear. Oh, wait, that's. Oh, that was in high school, but, yeah, no, we used to. I didn't know how to play backgammon, but I had a friend, and he lived up in the hills, and it was during the wintertime, and, you know, the pool would get freezing during the wintertime. Like, it would get, like, 44 degrees, and it'd be, like, raining outside and stuff like that. And Ray, my buddy, and a couple other guys, they would just sit and have a backgammon play. Game of backgammon. And whoever lost just had to go throw themselves into the freezing pool and in their entire clothing. Yeah. And it was so much better than winning $5. And it brought so much joy to everybody. And as I said, when I used to do Kevin and Bean, this is something women would never understand. We had the Wheel of Destiny, and it was all the restaurants we wanted to eat at breakfast with Jimmy and Kevin and Bean and producer Frank and everything. After the show, we'd spin it, but one of them was the tallyran. And we didn't like that place, but we put it on there, and nobody liked it. Nobody liked it. But if it landed on the Talleyrand, then the Wheel of Destiny spoke, and then we had to go eat at the place we don't want to go eat at because it upped the stakes. Like when the wheel was spinning, nobody ever got up and left. We had to see what was going to happen. It's pretty crazy. Why was Italy? I don't know. I can't figure out why we didn't like the tally ran. I think it's still there. Gary. Dark in there. Yeah, it is.

[Brian Bishop]

I'll pop a picture.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a weird place. Oh, it's a breakfast joint. Yeah.

[Ben Folds]

We're gonna miss that guy on the pole, though.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, It's a great picture. Yeah. And I don't. I feel like no harm, no crime here. No harm, no foul. Yeah. No charges were filed.

[Brian Bishop]

Show from the tally rant, do an update and send. I don't know if it's improved. It's under management. Come on, bring the recorders.

[Adam Carolla]

We do. We gotta. We gotta do a remote.

[Joey McIntyre]

Is it a.

[Ben Folds]

Is it a kind of a dark, like red. Red leather booths and stuff?

[Adam Carolla]

It was. Now, we gotta keep in mind this 20 years ago. So I can't. I can't remember. Maybe it was out of range. I don't remember. But we just didn't want to go there. And thus it was on. Now is it like, what do they have?

[Brian Bishop]

You know, serve like, really staff with like, personality.

[Adam Carolla]

Like Roscoe's Chicken and Waffle. Like, have you ever been. The first time I went there, you.

[Brian Bishop]

Know, I went in and I started looking at the menu, and then this.

[Adam Carolla]

Large, heavyset black woman came over and her name, Big Mama. And she was. I was like, oh, I think I'm gonna have. She goes, you're gonna have the chicken, the waffles, syrup on both, and a coffee and some milk. And I was like, great. So, like, I'm curious if the tyrann has a similar staff. Yeah, you read my mind. I like. Basically, it's what people. It struck me, it's interesting because you want your waiter or waitress to either be, how may I help you? Or Big Mama got it all way over the top. You don't want in the middle. It always cracks me up. There was some place that we. There's a place that we went at. There's a place in San Francisco that had like great Chinese food. You know, it's just the best Chinese food in San Francisco. Little authentic place. And a million years ago, when Jimmy and I were in San Francisco, we were doing the X Games, like one of the first X Games. And we went to this. We went to this Chinese. Yeah, so you can eat more egg noodles. And we went into this place and we sat down and the person the waiter came by, and she. And she went like, you eat here before? And we said, no, we haven't. I order for you. And they went and left. I said, okay. And then I got a bunch of, like, tentacles and, you know, eggs and stuff and. With tentacles on them and stuff. And about a year later, we went back there, and we go, we're gonna go back to that place. But now we got it dialed in. Like, I didn't like this, but we did like that egg noodle salad. She came by again, and she's like, you eat here before? And I said, hold on. As a matter of fact, I did. And she went, I order for you. And she left. That's unfair, right? She's not even listening. Not even listening at that point. Yeah. All right, sorry. We're bringing it home. Yes. Oh, yeah, let's bring it home. You got it. I'm Gina Grad, and that's the news. All right, all right. If I lose, you can smack shit in my ear. Gina. Gina Br. That was the news with Gina Grad. Gina.

[Ben Folds]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Buddy Ray did that to me in high school. What other restaurants, though, will do that for you? There's not, like, Smack Junior get that aggressive, is it? Only the. You know, the foreign place, like, the.

[Brian Bishop]

Olive Garden won't do that.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, you're having the chicken chow, Bella, you piece of shit. I think there's a. There's an element of. I think it only works. Works. It works in the black community. It can. There's a version of it in the Asian community.

[Brian Bishop]

It's an Italian version. Like, oh, you got the heavens.

[Ben Folds]

Yeah, it's a little bit more charming, right?

[Brian Bishop]

It's a little more common.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. There's a Jewish version, too. It's a very New York deli vibe. As long as you're kind of falling back on a stereotype of your ethnicity, you can get away with it. It's almost, like, animated at that point. Cartoon. It's charming, Right. If it's an SNL sketch, you can do it. Yeah. Whitey can't really pull it off. We're just in the middle somewhere. We can't pull that off. But you can pull it off. Like, Big Mama can pull that off. She can pull anything off. Yeah. And she did. All right. I'll tell you about Simplisafe. Protecting your home should be easy. It wasn't in the past. Installation appointments, drilling holes, pulling wires, locking contracts. No more. Simplisafe has arrived. Comprehensive professional monitored home security. Security. And you can do it online, by the way. You can put your package together online. You can monitor your system online. You can do it with your smartphone, phone. Each system is a security arsenal. Entry and motion sensors, high def security cameras. Everything you need to keep your family safe. CNET called it comprehensive and easy to use protection and named it editor's choice for home security in 2014. So you want to be with a winner? Let's go with SimpliSafe. Two eyes in there. Order today, get protection by the end of the weekend. Get our end of the week. I should say get 10% off right now when you go to simplysafe. Adam.com that is simply S, I M, P L I safe. Adam.com get your 10% off. Simply safe. All right. My show. Do it. Joey, you don't want any of those Koreans hiding the bathroom. You want to know when they're there.

[Ben Folds]

You know what? I called a year ago because these prices have come down. But they know if you're, if you don't say you're paying too much, they're just going to obviously keep charging you until you keep paying the bill. And I was like, they said, well, yeah, you can get it for like half of that. And for some reason I didn't pull the trigger, man.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, pull it was simply safe.

[Ben Folds]

Simply safe.

[Adam Carolla]

Build stuff live. Not on today Tuesday because we're going to Monday for a better lead in. We're going to Monday nights. Instead of a rerun lead in, we're getting a spike lead in. So nothing this today, this Tuesday. Back on Monday on the 10th. So check us out there. Trace Atkins is going to be with us and apparently he can build, so they say. Although the judge of that. I'll be the judge of that. All right. Joey McIntyre, Return of the Match. That's the name of the show. PopTV.com Very funny. That's April 12th, Adam. 8:30. Adam Ray's all over it. Adam also has his about last night with Brad Williams. We love Brad Williams. And then also San Francisco Punchline. Starting tomorrow, April 5th through the 7th and 8th, you can go check them out. Adam Ray TV is where you go as well. You can see me and Prager if you want to check it out online. Oh, Match games back on. Yeah, it's right up there above your timer.

[Brian Bishop]

It's your second of three episodes this Sunday.

[Adam Carolla]

Nice.

[Ben Folds]

How was that?

[Adam Carolla]

Good times. Yeah, it was fun. It was. It was easy. I, I recommend it to both of you. Baldwin smell good. Baldwin. Baldwin. He walks like an orangutan. You gotta see him real life. Like, he walks like a. Like an angry neighbor. It's like you're angry neighbor. Yeah. When he's coming out to get his paper and he's pissed because the sprinklers got it again and he told the guy specifically to put it on the driveway. Like he has that walk. It's a gate.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Great swinging arms.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's a great. It's great because you get to see him before the show wearing the V neck T shirt, like the old school V neck tee, but with slacks and like half a makeup bib. Like, like just the thing tucked in.

[Brian Bishop]

You know, walking around.

[Adam Carolla]

It's awesome. Best Baldwin. All right. And say hi to Lynette over at Corolla Drinks and enjoy the new code and save a bunch of money and all that. Until next time, this is Adam for Joey and Joe and Adam and Gina and bald saying Mahala, you're going to have the chicken, the waffles, syrup on both and a coffee and some milk.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, that's Adam Klosh 2044 with Joey, Adam, Rae, Gina and Brian. That does it for today's Corolla classics. Hope you enjoy the clips. Make sure to tune tomorrow for another installment. Until then, mahalo and get it on.