Best of ACS: Paul Walter Hauser, Steve Guttenberg, Lou Diamond Phillips, and Dana Gould

Summary

Adam Carolla Show – "Best of ACS: Paul Walter Hauser, Steve Guttenberg, Lou Diamond Phillips, and Dana Gould"

Release Date: December 29, 2025
Host: Adam Carolla
Guests: Paul Walter Hauser, Steve Guttenberg, Lou Diamond Phillips, Dana Gould

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Episode Overview

This "Best of ACS" episode offers a lively compilation of interviews with distinct personalities: actor Paul Walter Hauser, beloved 80s star Steve Guttenberg, multi-talented Lou Diamond Phillips, and comedian/writer Dana Gould. The core themes include the realities of fame, the unpredictability of memory, personal growth, Hollywood culture, and the pursuit of craftsmanship and satisfaction in life and work. Carolla’s signature wit, skepticism, and honesty drive the discussions, weaving together comedy with substantive, often philosophical insights.

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Guest Segments and Key Insights

1. Paul Walter Hauser: Hollywood Perception, Authenticity, and Sobriety

Main topics:

• Landing the lead in Clint Eastwood's "Richard Jewell"
• Decisions in Hollywood and the fickleness of public perception
• The allure and hollowness of "fun," sobriety, and personal growth
• Society’s fixation on appearances and the value of wisdom vs. gratification

Highlights:

• Richard Jewell & Eastwood:

  • Hauser shares the thrilling yet daunting experience of starring in a Clint Eastwood film, including having to choose between a financially lucrative miniseries and risking it all for the movie (02:09–03:07).
    • “Three weeks later, I was on the Warner Brothers lot with Clint. It was crazy.” (03:07, Hauser)

• On Appearance-Based Judgment:

  • Carolla rants about society's shallow tendency to equate good looks with intelligence or virtue, lamenting how people trust figures like George Clooney more due to their "bone structure" (03:26–04:29).

    “He has good bone structure. It doesn't mean he doesn't have a 10 cent head.” (03:28, Carolla)

• Food, Health, and Inconsistency:

  • A comedic critique of how Americans judge restaurants by hygiene grades while happily eating street food in unsanitary conditions (05:34–07:31).

• Expertise, Work Ethic, Purpose:

  • Discussion on the erosion of expertise and pride in one's work, contrasting Japanese excellence with declining standards in America (09:02–09:52).
    • Carolla reflects on becoming happier as a carpenter once he took pride and organized his work (10:13–11:20).

• Pursuing Wisdom Over Fun:

  • Both articulate the emptiness of seeking only pleasure, finding deeper fulfillment in wisdom, work, and self-improvement (11:56–12:46).
    • “Fun is very empty calories and people don't really know it. Search wisdom and search experiences and search challenges.” (12:10, Carolla)

• Sobriety and Honesty:

  • Hauser discusses his sobriety journey (alcohol, marijuana, pornography), therapy, and medication, emphasizing the transformative power of candor and self-discipline (15:47–16:41).
  • The value of asking, “Does this need to be said? Does it need to be said by me? Does it need to be said right now?” as a filter for communication (17:21–18:31).

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2. Steve Guttenberg: California Wildfires, Disaster Preparedness, and Civic Priorities

Main topics:

• Firsthand account of surviving and responding to California wildfires
• Infrastructure failures, water shortages, and responsibility of leadership
• Balance between civil rights advocacy and practical city management

Highlights:

• Firefighting Experience:

  • Guttenberg recounts nearly losing his home, lauding firefighters, and revealing the fire was kept at bay by ingenious use of pool water due to empty hydrants (25:11–30:24).
    • “A firewoman...said to me, 'Well, you know what I say, not today, Satan, not today.’” (26:12, Guttenberg)

• Blame, Accountability, and Governance:

  • Carolla and Guttenberg dissect why infrastructure failed (empty reservoirs due to maintenance outside of "fire season"), pointing fingers at city leadership (27:45–29:29).
    • “If you go into 'there's nothing they could do, stop blaming people' mode, then what's to stop this from happening every other year?” (26:22, Carolla)
  • Guttenberg argues there's “plenty of time” for officials to address both social issues and practical infrastructure, expressing faith that a balance can be struck (34:33).

• Civic Interests vs. Practical Needs:

  • Carolla asserts that city leaders now prioritize social advocacy (LGBTQ, BLM) over basic services, predicting city decline if practical issues are continually ignored (33:50–35:33).
    • “Once you get enough city council people, mayors and governors who aren't interested in...the nuts and the bolts of running a city, then you're gonna have a shit city.” (35:33, Carolla)

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3. Lou Diamond Phillips: The Stories We Tell, Cultural Identity, and Role Reversals

Main topics:

• Origins of his distinctive name
• The malleability and unreliability of personal memory
• Family gender roles, carpentry, and cooking

Highlights:

• Names and Family History:

  • Phillips gives a detailed origin of his name, blending family heritage and military inspiration (37:37–38:15).

• Memory and Myth:

  • Carolla and Phillips discuss flawed recollection, Mandela Effect, and the impossibility of ever truly verifying stories ("Did I tip you big and give you Red Bull?"), drawing parallels to legal stakes (39:48–43:56).
    • “These guys were having emotional memories of me doing things with them that never happened.” (43:35, Carolla)
    • Phillips: “It's that Mandela effect...you misremember something. But as the years go by, it becomes embedded...” (43:56, Phillips)

• Craft and Household Roles:

  • Carolla and Phillips share family anecdotes—Phillips’ wife is the household carpenter/handyperson while he cooks—praising role reversals and emphasizing someone must always cover each essential responsibility (48:07–49:22).

    “I don’t care who’s doing which role, but somebody’s got to do one, and the other has to do the other.” (49:20, Carolla)

• Cooking as Caregiving:

  • Debate on whether home cooking is about technical skill or nurturing the people you serve (50:21–51:28).

• The "Mom Sandwich Score":

  • Carolla’s comic “sandwich score” scale for rating how much mothers care, based on sandwich effort; Phillips describes his Filipino mother’s low sandwich score but high culinary prowess (52:32–53:47).

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4. Dana Gould: Showbiz Hierarchies, Artistic Satisfaction, and Defining Success

Main topics:

• Navigating the comedy world as a “comedian’s comedian” vs. stadium headliner
• The tradeoff between fame, money, and creative fulfillment
• Multiple career paths: TV writing, podcasting, stand-up
• The value of art supporting life, not vice versa

Highlights:

• Self-Assessment and Comedy Career:

  • Gould likens his status to being the revered but lesser-known band “X” instead of the Beatles—beloved by diehards, but not mainstream (56:18-57:16).
    • "I wanted to be the Beatles, but I’m X…The people who own record stores are bananas for these bands, but it doesn’t translate.” (56:32, Gould)

• Navigating Multi-Disciplinary Careers:

  • Gould reflects on being "too hip for the room,” the perils of being too scattered for mainstream fame, and the joy of acquiring new skills or jokes versus chasing only money (62:26–63:24).

• Money, Work, and Satisfaction:

  • Carolla pushes back on the idea that financial reward is the only goal, suggesting that doing the same job for decades—even a "dream" one—can be just as spiritually draining as any mundane job (64:01–65:33).
    • “You can host a late night show for 40 years…but you’re still going to the same postal sorting plant in Arleta.” (64:01, Carolla)

• Work-Life Balance:

  • Gould and Carolla discuss the value of interests outside work—art supporting life, not dominating it. Gould shares how his father’s love was for hunting, not his “phone company” job, and how that's healthy (65:53).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Paul Walter Hauser on his growth:

  "I really liked chasing wisdom instead of fun, cause fun has an expiration date on it." (11:56)

• Steve Guttenberg quoting a firefighter:

  "'Not today, Satan, not today.'" (26:12)

• Carolla on professional pride:

  "You are happier when you get your shit together." (11:22)

• Lou Diamond Phillips on fabrication of memories:

  "It's that Mandela effect...you misremember something. But as the years go by, it becomes embedded, you know, in your memory and very clear to you at the time." (43:56)

• Dana Gould on defining success:

  "I wanted to be the Beatles, but I’m X...The people who own record stores are bananas for these bands, but it doesn’t translate." (56:32)

• Carolla on city governance:

  "Once you get enough city council people, mayors and governors who aren't interested in...the nuts and the bolts of running a city, then you're gonna have a shit city." (35:33)

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• Paul Walter Hauser Interview: 01:40–20:41
• Steve Guttenberg Interview: 22:17–36:38
• Lou Diamond Phillips Interview: 37:28–54:16
• Dana Gould Interview: 55:32–70:13

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Tone and Style

The episode is peppered with Carolla’s sharp observations, irreverent humor, and candid back-and-forth with his guests. Each segment balances jokes with thoughtful social commentary and honest discussion about success, work, and the human condition.

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Summary for New Listeners

This "Best Of" delivers what long-time Adam Carolla fans love: unsanitized conversation about life’s absurdities, the entertainment industry, public perception, personal responsibility, and the meaningful (and sometimes meaningless) things people chase. Whether addressing disasters, debunking the myths of fame, or deconstructing the art of making a sandwich, Carolla and his guests provide laughs—and more than a few moments of truth.

Transcript

[A]

Hey, this is Adam Carolla from the Adam Carolla Show. Bowl season is here. And Bet Online gives you more ways to play the latest odds, breaking news, live scores and in game betting. So you never miss a moment of college football, Bulls, NFL playoff races. It's all there, all the time. Every bowl matchup, NFL late season games all the way to NBA hardwood battles, college hoops, tip offs. Betonline has you locked in all year long. And if you love UFC fights and NHL futures, BETOnline is the place to get in on all of the action. And when it's time to switch gears, dive into Betonline's casino packed with hundreds of of the hottest slots, classic table games, live dealers and massive jackpots waiting to be hit. And don't forget the VIP program with exclusive level up bonuses, weekly cash boosts and rewards design for serious players. Head to Betonline today because at Betonline, the game starts here. Hey, kids, we're on a holiday break, but we'll be back, don't worry. Until then, enjoy this episode of the Best of the Adam Carolla Show. Paul Walter Hauser is in studio. Paul has a new movie out. We'll get into that. But I probably caught you first in I. Tonya, I don't know, maybe the Richard Jewell movie directed by Clint Eastwood, Correct?

[B]

That's right. Yeah.

[A]

That'd be kind of crazy being the lead of a Clint Eastwood movie.

[B]

I thought so. I thought it was fiscally irresponsible for Warner Bros. To cast me in not a real movie star. But I, you know, that was one of those things that just. I was in the middle of shooting a Spike Lee movie in Thailand called the Five Bloods and just had a small supporting role, but it's Spike Lee. You know, you serve sandwiches on that set also. I love sandwiches.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But I said to them, I was like, you know, I was very content in the moment, but I got a call from my reps who said, hey, you've been offered a Richard Jewell biopic. And it was a TV series, a limited series. And then three days later I got offered Richard Jewell the movie from Clint Eastwood. So I had competing Richard Jewell offers. Really within 72 hours.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

One of them was quite lucrative and was ready to go. And the other one was Clint having just chosen me out of the blue. And the movie was at Fox. Disney bought Fox and Clint only does movies at Warner Brothers. There's a whole fiasco behind the scenes of is this thing even gonna get made? And. And at the 11th hour. They're like, paul, you gotta choose. You got a high six figure deal, almost seven figures to be on the TV version, or you can hope to God Clint gets the movie made. And I just turned on the TV show and folded my hands. And three weeks later, I was on the Warner Brothers lot with Clint. It was crazy.

[A]

Three weeks later.

[B]

Yeah. Not shooting, but meeting the man walking down the hall. He looked at me and he goes, time to pick up the donuts. And you know, he wanted me to get even more Julie to play Richard Jewell.

[A]

Yeah. You know. You know what I don't like about our society? What I don't like?

[B]

I was hoping we were gonna go down this.

[A]

Yeah, we're going. We're going this early. I'll tell you what I don't like. It's like, you see George Clooney's on 60 Minutes, and we have to talk to George Clooney about what's going on in politics and what's going on in the world and how to fix everything and what he knows. Because he looks like he knows something, right? And so we go, look at Clooney. That guy's smart. Look at him. And it's like, he has good bone structure. It doesn't mean he doesn't have a 10 cent head. And I like George Clooney. He's a nice guy. And I'm not saying he's a stupid guy, but we have this thing where you go, look at Richard Jewell. And you go, oh, look at that guy. He did something. Look at that guy. You know, he did. That guy's dope. Look at that idiot over. Look at Clooney. He's smart. Clooney. What should we do next? What should the Democratic Party do next? You tell us. Well, he's an actor who has a pet pig and is a nice enough guy, but he's not smart just because he looks smart.

[B]

I think, you know, also the world's so dumb that even if someone's, you know, well read, we think they're a genius. That's kind of the thing too is I think Clooney is much smarter than your average person.

[A]

Oh, he is.

[B]

But, you know, none. None of us, you, me, or George should be approached to figure out foreign policy necessarily.

[A]

I concur. I'm saying Clooney gets it on the good side and Richard Jewell got it on the bad side. Like people looked at him and go, look at that fat fuck.

[B]

He don't know what he's talked to. I think he's a Suspect.

[A]

He did something. Look at him.

[B]

Within two, three days he was a suspect. Which is psychotic, considering he saved a bunch of lives.

[A]

Who?

[B]

In the literal.

[A]

You know, I know, it's just, it's just us praising the aesthetic and having sort of disdain for the non aesthetic, which. It bothers me. Look, we do it with insects.

[B]

I do it with restaurants. You go into a restaurant, sometimes you're like, this place is kind of dumpy. And then it's the best chicken parm you've ever had in your life. And you're like, oh, it's cause this 90 year old woman is in the kitchen making what she made in the 1940s.

[A]

I know, it's so funny. It is funny. People walk into restaurant, like in California, in Los Angeles, see a B grade from the health department, they go, I'm not going in there. And then later on that night, they're drunk and they stumble out of the Staples center after the Lakers game and they're eating hot dogs that are being made in a shopping cart with a propane tank with bacon wrapped around it. And it's like, okay, you cannot eat street food and judge a bee at a sushi joint.

[B]

Or they're buying those CMOS containers that are about $70, which might just be, you know, Vaseline and food coloring. We have no idea.

[A]

We have such a weird relationship with that, that stuff. Like literally there's a guy on the corner of Home Depot and he's chopping up papaya with a rusty machete and people are stopping and eating off that thing, but they wouldn't eat if something dropped on the ground or it had a bee in the window or they found out somebody didn't wash their hands or whatever. I don't. By the way, the guy at the cart with the machete and the, and the papaya, I don't know where his hand washing station is, but I've not seen it.

[B]

I think it's non existent, but I think we kind of. There's something though that is so kind of caveman and primally raw about someone doing it in front of you and just, you know, that's the only thing they do. I don't look at the papaya guy and go, man, I bet that guy makes really good crudite. I'm very much looking at him going, this is his thing. Of course it's gonna be good. So I think there's just some of the presentation.

[A]

Well, it's not about the good, it's about the cleanliness.

[B]

No. Yeah.

[A]

And my thing is I'll eat it from him or I'll eat it at the restaurant. I don't care. But I want consistency. If you're gonna eat it off the dude in front of the Home Depot who's working off a rusty shopping cart, then do not turn your nose up at the B grade at the restaurant with the health inspection.

[B]

I agree with you. America's emotionally reactive tribe. We don't always come from a place of logic, do we?

[A]

No, no. It's weird. But I have thoughts about why we don't, and maybe this is a safe.

[B]

Place to voice it. I feel like this is. It's called the Adam Carolla Show.

[A]

I think when we were in a culture where we worked on farms and logging camps and lumber mills and stuff like that, we were wildly pragmatic because when you're working around. When you're working around band saws that could take a limb off in any moment or any kind of equipment that could literally just. You lose digits in a heartbeat. You would pay attention. And, like, things had to be very logical and linear, you know, like if you're just unloading a truck filled with 40 foot logs, you know, you couldn't have feelings about things. It just was. Or you're getting crushed.

[B]

Yeah. It's a simple math, but it's a consequential nature of the environment. And I think. I think that that is true. We're kind of living in the day and age now. And I was just talking with one of my drivers about this. You know, he talked about going to Japan, and he's like, these people do everything with excellence. You know, like the guy washing your hubcap or getting the crumbs off your table. They're all treating it as if you're a foreign dignitary on, you know, holiday.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And he's like, they don't do that here. And we do live in an now where, you know, you see these stories about Waffle House. Somebody falls asleep on the job, the only person working Waffle House at 3am and some drunk goes and makes their own breakfast. That literally happened.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know, it's like, I don't know that that was happening in 1965.

[A]

I will tell you. We, yes, we've. We've given up on expertise.

[B]

It's attitudinal. Yeah.

[A]

I cannot tell you how many car dealerships I've gone into looking at a $81,000 SUV. And I went, how much horsepower does this thing have? And they go, it's peppy. You're not even going to remember a number for $81,000. You can't remember 321 horsepower and 400 foot pounds of torque like you can't.

[B]

Pulling teeth to get basic information.

[A]

Right. So we're done and I will tell everyone. So we're in cubicles, we're looking at data, and that's where my truth and your truth come in. Because we have two different truths now. But those truths don't work in logging camps. There's one truth. You're going to get crushed. That's the one truth. So now we have room for all our truths because we're living in some virtual sort of digital world. And then as far as the expertise goes, the joke is on the person who is not providing the expertise, no matter how mundane the job is. You said Japan. You know, just taking the crumbs off the table. I, I was always a carpenter and, and I wanted to be a comedian and I was unhappy as a carpenter because I was showing up to a job site every day. But I long to be a comedian and it wasn't working out. And at some point I just said to myself, look, you show up every day to a job site, you are a carpenter, this is what you do full time. And why don't you start doing a good job? Why don't you get organized? Why don't you get your shit together and instead of throwing your cords out and whatever and the screws are with the nails, get organized and get your shit together. And I got organized and I got my shit together and I was happier as a carpenter.

[B]

Isn't that something? The causation.

[A]

You are happier when you get your shit together.

[B]

Absolutely. I remember recently, in the last few years, getting sober, getting on sertraline, prioritizing sleep and going to therapy, both personal and marital. And I said to myself, why do I feel so good? Because you weren't a freaking mess like you used to be. You were actually taking control of your life in some regard.

[A]

Serpaline. Sorry?

[B]

Sertraline. Zoloft.

[A]

Sertraline. Oh, is that what Zoloft is? It's a ssri.

[B]

Yeah, that's like the fancy medical term for it. Yeah. No, I just, I really liked chasing wisdom instead of fun. Cause fun has an expiration date on it.

[A]

Fun is very empty calories and people don't really know it. Like search wisdom and search experiences and search challenges. Yeah, but searching fun is pretty hollow. But if you spend the day searching the wisdom and searching the experiences and searching the challenges and scare yourself a little bit and surprise yourself A little bit with what you can do then a little bit of fun on a Saturday night is fun.

[B]

Well, it's high lit. It's accentuated because you're not inundated with a constellation.

[A]

I wouldn't remember. This weird experience I had when I was always eating out was an exotic treat for my family. It just. We never happened. It never happened. And then as I got older, funds were always super tight. But it was a big deal to go out to dinner when I was poor. And you had to make the decision, like, do you want a glass of wine or do you want the appetizer? Because we're definitely not. You're not doing the glass of wine and the appetizers? No way. So it was an experience. And later on, I got rich. And I found myself one Christmas break number of years ago, I just ended up going out to dinner like four nights in a row. And at some point, I just looked at the person I was eating with and I went, I'm not really enjoying this. Like I should. And I realized I'm not. Cause it's too easy. It's too often. It needs to be the at the end. Not every night. Not any given Tuesday, out to eat at a fine restaurant. You know, I lost it 100%.

[B]

It's funny, there are actually people who. And not to go real far down this road, but I find it interesting in this day and age that people get desensitized by sexual escapades and they start to heighten them, and then they realize they're hollow and they're looking for something to thrill them. And it's like, you know what you really need is a hug.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You need to be hugged and spoken to.

[A]

Yeah. By him.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No, no, you're.

[C]

It's.

[A]

It's. Look, it's all. It's. Look, it's all. You know, when I used to talk to Dr. Drew, he'd go, oh, yeah, I got people that are on 90 Vicodin a day. I'm like, 90 Vicodin a day? Oh, yeah. I'm like, how do you get to 90 Vicodin a day? Well, you do three, and then you normalize, you know, and so you do five, you know, and then you keep.

[B]

Getting a new ceiling.

[A]

Yeah, you basically, your body is like sort of homeostasis all the time. It's always trying to get back to the middle, you know? So at some point you're on 15 Vicodin and you're going about your day. You know what I mean? You're not buzzed you know, whatever that is.

[B]

So I had that with marijuana. That was part of the reason I got sober is I was like, I got my high high and my high high, and then I was like, oh, this isn't enough. Wherever I'm at right now, kind of feels like I went back to the bottom of the barrel. I need to climb up in the highness. And it was like, then people are giving me wax and they're putting wax on a bong. Suddenly you're, like, smoking weed, but you have a whole nother substance you've sort of given a veneer of acidity to. And now your brain goes from thinking a funny thought for a movie idea to, like, mush. And you kind of just don't know if you're a human or not. Like, that's a. It's not a good place to get. It's not very healthy.

[A]

So you got sober from. Because of marijuana?

[B]

I got sober because of alcohol, marijuana, and pornography. I just decided all three were toxic to me. Being the best version of myself and getting rid of that while entering therapy and getting on Zoloft, it's like it changed my entire chemical, you know, system. I kind of underwent three to nine months of just, like, undoing, you know, decades of shit. It was crazy.

[A]

Is your candor and honesty part of this? Cause you seem very. Part of what? Part of the transition into a different person.

[B]

I was always over it.

[A]

Very solicitous, willing to share.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Which I did, I'm happy with.

[B]

There's so many people not telling the truth in the world that I prefer to. To tell the truth all the time and then face whatever mild consequence.

[A]

Yeah, I'm kind of with you in that. I've had a million arguments where people go, why you talking shit? And I go, as long as it's the truth and it's accurate, then it's not shit. It's just what is. I mean, I'm not saying pull up a microphone and talk about something in the bedroom or something, but I just mean if you are relating something that is truthful or accurate, then your part of the equation is done. And then it's up to everyone else whether to be hurt or offended or angered or what have you.

[B]

And I would agree with that. Mostly the only thing I would throw in is the idea of when I entered this program and got sober, this guy said to me this great advice that I'm sure was passed down from generations of dudes trying to clean themselves up. He said, before you say something or tweet something, Whatever email. He's like, ask three questions. Do you? Well, first, halt. Halt. Are you hungry, angry, lonely or tired? And are you. Any combination of those things. And most of the time when I'm pissed, I'm at least two or three of those four things. And then he said, ask yourself, does this need to be said? Does it need to be said by me? And does it need to be said right now? And that's just a litmus test sort of thing. You're not scolding yourself, you're just trying to be like logical. And it's like, it's tough for you because you're a stand up comedian and a public figure and you know, you're doing the radio thing. So it's like you innately have this thing that says, my job is to press the button, My job is to pull the trigger.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So it's like that, that even more so I wouldn't look at you and be like, oh, I'm so offended by Adam. I might disagree with you. But in the end I'm like, that's his thing, you know? Yeah.

[A]

It's funny, I said to a woman coworker once who'd get into it with a lot of people, and years ago I did the same version. I said, look, before you hit send, just ask yourself, does it make you money or does it make you happy? And if it's not one of those two things, don't do it, you know?

[B]

Cause that's funny.

[A]

If you said, does it make you money or does it make you happy? It would cover 80% of this.

[B]

Well, and what, you know, I'm a person of faith. So my thing too is like, what is the heart behind saying it? Moment where I was on a night shoot with Liam Neeson on the new Naked Gun picture we did at Paramount, right? And I went from a night shoot on no sleep, had to go to the airport at 4, 4:30 in the morning and fly from Atlanta to LA and immediately from landing, go to Disney and do seven, eight hours of press with Lewis Black for our film Inside Out 2 at Pixar. So I'm exhausted. I don't want to be there. Not because I'm not proud of the film. I'm just tired of shit.

[C]

And.

[B]

And I said at one point somebody brought up Vin Diesel and it just kind of triggered me where I said, don't compare me to Vin Diesel. I like to think I'm on time to set and I'm approachable once again, throwing shade. By the way, some of the things I'M saying about Vin were things I heard from several different people that worked with him and they didn't sound that far fetched. And I get a little perturbed when very wealthy people are not on decent behavior. So that was me just kind of meh, having my stand up comic moment. And it was small shade, but it turned into a big story and suddenly there's 30 articles of Paul Walter Hauser targeting Vin Diesel for being unprofessional. I'm like, good God, I made one little crack thing. I didn't think it'd be that big of a deal. And it was. And in the end, I end, I ended up apologizing not because someone told me to, but because as a practicing Christian man, I thought, did I need to say that? No. Have I met Vin Diesel? No. I was just kind of choosing to be shitty because I'm human and that's part of being human.

[A]

Homes.com oh man, I'm a fan. Some might say homes.com is the best home shopping site. I agree with those people. It may be homes.com's super comprehensive and transparent agent directory. Or Maybe it's that homes.com is the only site that always directly connects you with the listing agent who knows the home the best. Perhaps it's because homes.com has the most in depth neighborhood content of any home shopping site that's extensively researched to highlight the personality of each neighborhood. Homes.com goes above and beyond to bring home shoppers the in depth info they need to find the right home right away. Great. And if you're just an enthusiast like me, you can just get on there, browse around, kick some tires. Nice. See what's going on in the marketplace. Homes.com we've done your homework. Always racist, never wrong. Adam Carolla. Yeah, get it on. Got to get it on. Their choice, but get on a mandate. You get it on. Thanks for tuning in. Tell friend that's about you. Steve Guttenberg, one of the good ones, one of the nice guys in Hollywood is joining us. He's in New York. He is a Palisades guy, was affected by the fire and fled to New York where he has a second home. Where are you staying, Steve?

[C]

Adam. Adam, first of all, I would rather you not say I'm in New York. If you could just say I'm in the Palisades, that would be pretty helpful. For everything he's rebuilding.

[A]

He's rolled up his sleeves and he's rebuilding in the Palisades. And right now Gutenberg's taking a break. From working with the brave men and women of the Army Corps of Engineers, clearing other people's property at no cost, for no cost. Helping neighbors, handing out bottles of water, even firing up his grill and cooking dogs for the brave men and women who work for the fire department. That's where he is. But he took a break to jump on Zoom with us. Right, Steve?

[C]

Absolutely. Only Hebrew national. We answer to a higher power.

[A]

That's right. Bun length all the time. So Steve's got a movie out. It's a Lifetime movie. It's called Kidnapped by.

[C]

Wait, wait. Adam. Yes, Adam. Can I just start with how are you doing? And how's your family doing?

[A]

That's Steve Guttenberg. I'm good. I was in Malibu during the fires. I think you and I. And I have a recollection of where your home is because you very graciously invited the cast of Dancing with the Stars season six. I was reminded today. You and I did that together. You invited the entire cast over to your home for, like, a mixer, barbecue, and just a nice afternoon.

[C]

Yeah, that was fun.

[A]

And I remember your home being up the canyon in the Palisades also. I think Dennis Quaid lived up in a canyon up in the Palisades. I don't know if it was the same, but there's not too many of them.

[C]

Yeah, he did. Yeah, he did. He had a house maybe right around the block from me. He was renting one.

[A]

Yeah, Yeah. I sort of have a recollection of going to his house, going to your house, and having me generally in the same neighborhood. So then when the fire hit, I thought, well, for sure, Steve's house must have either been damaged or perished because he was up in the hills and not, you know, although it was so random, because it was this crazy fire where everything on the water side of the coastline burned down and a lot of stuff up on the hill made it. Which just so people know, the fire starts on the hill and then it works its way down to the coastline. But it's very. It's counterintuitive to think that the. All the houses on the coastline went, but many houses in the hills were spared. How did that happen? So yours was spared?

[C]

Yeah, yeah, it was. But I tell you, it was spared because we had two fire trucks with fire personnel there 48 hours straight at them, and they were just standing there because, of course, we had no water. None of the hydrants had water. So they were using all the pools in the area and these water trucks that were filling up the 500 gallon fire trucks. And I was standing in the back with a really wonderful fire woman who is so strong. And she was Alaskan, she was Eskimo. And we were standing there and the fire was just coming down. It was, it was unbelievable. Probably 200 yards from my house. And I said to her, aren't you afraid of this fire? It's like the devil coming down. And she said to me, well, you know what I say, not today, Satan, not today.

[A]

Wow. So the water was not in the. It wasn't coming through the fire hydrants, which is insane. James woods just sent a tweet out the other day that I saw, which is a picture of the empty reservoir in the Palisade. So it was empty. Listen, I know there's a lot of people and I see them out there doing this, hey, let's stop blaming people. There's nothing they can do. I got a couple thoughts on that. One is, if you go into there's nothing they could do, stop blaming people mode, then what's to stop this from happening every other year? I mean, I would. Look, no matter what the disaster, I would like to not necessarily attack people, but I would like to know, hey, if the reservoir was empty, who's in charge of the reservoir and why was it empty? There may be a good reason, but I don't think that makes me a bad person to ask those questions. If you've got a home up there and there's nothing coming out of the firehouse hydrants and the fires coming down the hill, then I think it's reasonable to ask why in these modern times, in an era where you have some of the highest tax paying burden in America, there's nothing coming out of the hydrants when the fire hits. I don't think that makes you a Republican or a Democrat or a good or bad person. I think these are just questions that we'd like answers to.

[C]

Yeah, those questions are obvious. It's the first thing you ask. And I ask those questions. The answer I got back was that at the time of the fire, which was the 7th of January, it's genuinely generally not a fire season. So what they do is they let the reservoirs go low so they can fix them, repair them, and that's the reason that they were low. Now, I agree with you, first of all, it all comes down to who's the boss. Well, the boss is the mayor and the boss is the governor. Basically, that's the boss. I mean, they delegate everything. But the truth is they have to have a 24 hour day job that they Keep up on everything. That's the job. And the fact that in this day and age, they don't figure out a way to repair the reservoirs while they're full. Because we're in a state that fires happen at any time of the year now. There is no fire season anymore. There is no rainy season. You know, it just happens anytime. And same with earthquakes and all kinds of stuff. So I agree with you. So the answer is somebody made a decision that they don't need to be full because fire season is over. That was a bad decision. And it was a really bad decision to not monitor all the fire hydrants to real. So. Because you have. You probably have 10,000 fire people using all the fire hydrants at once. And what. Isn't there a way to moderate those fire hydrants so they're not putting out so much so that the water lasts longer?

[A]

So you.

[C]

I am actually.

[A]

Well, I'm curious. So you're in a neighborhood where almost everybody, including yourself, has a swimming pool. So while there's nothing coming out of the fire hydrants, there's at least 30,000 gallons of water sitting behind your house in a pool. And your neighbors have that as well. So somebody figured out we should suck the water out of the pool, put it into a tanker truck, and then have the tanker transferred into a fire truck.

[C]

No, no, the fire department has these. These engines that go right into the pool and go directly to the fire. The water trucks came to refill the fire trucks on their own. So that was a. There was a double holster, you know, double bullets.

[A]

So what, you saw the fire. You're in the backyard. And how many homes in your neighborhood burned? Or did they?

[C]

11. 11 out of 80 in our development.

[A]

Okay, so you were spared, and now there's just. The cleanup is still going on, I'm guessing.

[C]

Oh, yeah. It'll take years. And it's so rough. I gotta tell you. When you were out in Malibu and you saw those houses that were burned, right? Of course.

[A]

I see them every day. I literally look out of my living room window and I can see 18 to 25 burnt lots just standing. I don't have to move. I just stand in my living room and I can see about 25 burnt lots just where I'm standing.

[C]

Isn't it terrible? I mean, it's terrible, right?

[A]

Well, you know, I'm very agnostic about things. It's like, shit happens. It's kind of the way society works. I wish it didn't. It's baked in. And I would like in my World, we are competent and we do our best to mitigate. And I've said on many times, I've said, look, you can't prevent an earthquake. An earthquake is not preventable. But we know we live in earthquake country. And I was a contractor and I did earthquake rehab work, and I've built, and I know what the codes are. And so in Guatemala, when a 7.3 hits, the place is leveled. Because they don't build like they're in earthquake country. You see these, you know, they go, oh, this town and this Guatemala. Places in Central America, South America, leveled by a 7.3. We get a 7.3. And we get a little structural damage to a parking structure in Northridge and a couple of freeway overpasses and three deaths. We don't have any kind of devastation, but same earthquake. We just. We build for it. You know what I mean? In my world, we can't stop the earthquake, but we can understand we're an earthquake country and build for it. And what I'm saying with the fires is just like an earthquake. We cannot stop it. We're in fire country. But we can mitigate if we build for it and we don't do anything for it because we have incompetent representation. Who's more worried about Black Lives Matter going to Ghana or, you know, LGBT community or whatever? They're. So there's only so many hours in the day. If you're spending the lion's share of your day worrying about the LGBT community, the trans community and ice and fighting ice and Black Lives Matter, then you have a limited amount of time to give toward reservoirs. I mean, it's a simple math equation, and I'm not even saying it's good or bad. I'm just saying we live in a place that's governed by people that are more interested in the trans community than the reservoir community. And that's going to be a problem at some point.

[C]

It's already a problem. But I do think that there's more time in the day to do all kinds of structural prevention, because I think that, listen, the dealing with the LGBTQ community and Black Lives Matter and making sure that people who don't have can somehow survive on our state and live well. And every human being deserves to live well. Even if even if you're sitting on a couch not doing anything, you're. You're a human being. And we as the. As I believe we as a community need to take care of everybody to a point. But I think there's plenty of time and they have plenty of experts and plenty of people who could have done Fire Prevention 15 years ago, 20 years ago.

[A]

I know, but they don't care. That's the.

[C]

That sucks.

[A]

Well, listen, I mean, here's the. Here's the bottom line. There's stuff I care about. There's stuff you care about. If I was mayor of Los Angeles and you asked me about the Gay Pride Parade, would I like to be the grand marshal? I would go, no, I'm not interested. I don't have anything against those people. I don't care. It's not what I'm thinking about. And if they asked me if I'm gonna be the grand marshal of the Black Lives Matter parade, I'd go, no, I don't really wanna do that. And if they said, you wanna go to Ghana and be in some sort of dance ceremony where you're awarded a ceremonial head garb, I'd go, no, I don't really want to do that. I do want to focus on the reservoirs, but I like building. That's where my interests are. Karen Bass. Interest is not in building, so they're not interested. I would say I would like to issue permits, fix the reservoir, see if we can get a fire dropping plane. That's what I would think. And then they would say, but what about the Gay Pride parade? And I'd go, I'm not interested. If it's Sunday and it only takes an hour, I'll be there. But I'm gonna be thinking about the reservoirs. Okay, she doesn't. Yeah, but she's not interested in that. And I'm just saying to everyone listening, once you get enough city council people, mayors and governors who aren't interested in what you're interested in, filling potholes, cleaning up graffiti, the nuts and the bolts of running a city, then you're gonna have a shit city. I mean, that's. But it's gonna be great for the trans community. Oh, oh, oh. O'Reilly Auto Parts. Yeah, you know the jingle. Now get to know the guys over at O'Reilly and gals at O'Reilly Auto Parts. You wanna be the guy on the side of the road stuck on the shoulder, looking like a dope. No, that's not gonna be you this year. Friendly, helpful, service people who actually know their stuff, not just some kid who'd rather be on his phone. Always used O'Reilly. I mean, I was always. I like the way that O'Reilly smells. I like going in there. Like the smell of car parts and vulcanized rubber and capitalism and turning wrenches I like the way all that smells in there. Guys doing it for themselves. So whether you're a gearhead or you don't know a lug nut from a donut, they'll walk you through it. No attitude, just real help. Stop by O'Reilly Auto Parts today, or you can visit us@o'reillyauto.com Adam that's O'Reillyauto.com Adam. Lou Diamond Phillips in studio. Always great to see Lou Diamond Phillips.

[D]

Just rolls off the tongue, doesn't it?

[A]

It's got a nice sound.

[D]

You gotta say all three, you know.

[A]

Or what does that work? Where does diamond come from?

[D]

I was actually named after Gunnery Sergeant Llewellyn diamond in Whirlwind War ii. Really was.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

He was a kind of Marines Marine Audie Murphy of the Pacific Theater. And my dad, Gerald Upchurch, was in the Navy and read a biography on the man. Liked the name. My paternal grandmother, her name was Louella. So I guess he was partial to Lou. And so he named me Lou Diamond. And, you know, and then my biological father passed and my mother remarried George Phillips, and hence the Phillips. So all, all of it is actually legit and authentic.

[A]

How old were you when your, when your biological dad passed?

[D]

Like less than a year old. Yeah. Oh, that was. Yeah, it was young.

[A]

He was really young.

[D]

Yeah, he was young. He was.

[A]

How did he pass?

[D]

You know, it's shrouded in mystery. Actually. I got a lot of things.

[A]

I kind of missed that. Do you miss the. Some say, others say like on the Internet. Right.

[D]

You get it. You get it. Some story from Grandma, and then you get a story from one of your uncles and, you know, never, never really understood what happened there. But, yeah, yeah, he had an early demise, but obviously gave me a name that has, has stood me well, though, these many years.

[E]

I.

[A]

Okay, let's talk about memory.

[D]

Uh.

[A]

Oh, so I'm starting to worry because I hear everyone's rendition of life, and then I go, oh, really? And then I think back. I don't know why, but I think back when I was a kid, they had those time in Life books, the Old west, the gunslingers, you know, they'd run those commercials, right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then they'd go, doc Hobson, so mean, he once shot a man just for snoring.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you're like. And back then I was like, oh, man, that guy was mean. And now I go, wait a minute, everyone's full of shit now. Well, he's a psychopath. But I don't even know if this happened or not because we have computers now and we don't know what's happened and what's not happened. They just had hearsay and campfire talk with drunk guys who had no education.

[D]

And then passed the story down, you know, through the ages. And I'm sure it was embellished, you know, as time went on.

[A]

And I. I had two incidents happen to me in a week. One was yesterday, and I'm trying to figure out recollection and people, which is I was doing a car race at Laguna Seca, and I was at the car weekend, whatever, and I had a guy stop me at an auction preview, a car auction preview, and he goes, you know, Adam, I just want to thank you because I remember being here years ago, and you were back there and you bought a Toyota and you had all those kids and you let them ride in the car with you. And I just think that was great, man. And I always. I never forgot it. I always think about you in a good way. And I thought. I just go, yeah, thanks, man. But I've never bought a Toyota, and I don't have any kids that go to those auctions and get the Toyota. So he has some memory.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

And it's real powerful. He stopped me and he, like, almost started tearing up when he was telling me this thing that never happened.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

And then yesterday, I was on set doing a TV show, and a big chauffeur guy looked like a security guard, and he stopped me and he goes. You could tell he was getting a little emotional. He was having, like, trouble. He was nervous. He goes, adam, I know you're busy. I just got to get something out. Many years ago In Fresno, about 20 years ago, I was your driver. And I'll never forget it. You gave me a huge tip. And I thought to myself, okay, so far, it doesn't really. Yeah, I'm the guy who goes, doesn't the company take care of that? I have to do that. He goes, he gave me a huge tip. And I was like, yeah. And he goes, and a life supply. A life supply of Red Bull. And I'll never forget it. And I just want to thank you. I was like, you're welcome, my brother. You're welcome. And I thought, I've never handed anyone a Red Bull. And I'm not a big tipper. I'm a 20 percenter. And I thought I just talked to two dudes who had some sort of vivid memory carved out, who probably would say when their girlfriend was going, you know that abcroll is such a douchebag they'd go, shut your mouth, woman. He gave me a big tip and a case of Red Bull.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Never. I have no idea what he's talking about.

[D]

I've experienced that a few times doing a lot of cons now, you know, the fan cons and going. And somebody will have a memory of me that, you know, I mean, most of the time it rings somewhat true because I've been around. I've been around in a lot of places. The one that jumps out at me there was this, and this was a number of years ago, probably in the middle 90s, when a woman my age or thereabouts came up with her friend and she goes, do you remember? And for lack of a better name, I'm gonna say Bambi. She goes, do you remember Bambi here? And I'm like, no, I don't think we've ever met. And she goes, oh, oh, no. Oh, we did. And she got this look like we had obviously, you know, coitus going on. Yes, exactly. And she was, you know, very, very impressed with it. And I said, where did this happen? And she mentioned a hotel in Philadelphia. And at that point in my life, I'd never been to Philadelphia. And I said, I am so sorry, but obviously that was someone else.

[A]

Now you wonder, then you start. For me, it's all fun and games until it gets into the legal system.

[D]

Well, there's that.

[A]

And this person's on the stand going, the father of my child is Lou Diamond Phillips.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, we met in C. Kane. We drove into Philadelphia and he bedded me in his hotel room for hours, I hope. And also, I don't think anyone is lying. I mean, these guys were having emotional memories of me doing things with them that never happened.

[D]

It's that Mandela effect. You know, my daughter loves that term, the Mandela effect, because, you know, you misremember something. But as the years go by, it becomes embedded, you know, in your memory and very clear to you at the time. So if you took a lie detector test, you'd probably pass it.

[A]

Yes. And I think we're never gonna be able to correct that. Cuz it's part of our DNA and it's woven into our fabric of us. But I think what we do need to do is we do need to do what Dr. Drew does. Cause Dr. Drew will go, this is the way I remember it. But you tell me I don't know. And my recollection's not always that good. And I screw a lot of things up and I, you know, do a. I Mix up things. So you tell me. Yeah, and as long as you're open to that, then we're fine. Cause you're never gonna remember things like you should, but you can't be wedded to them. Yeah, that's the problem.

[D]

I did a movie. Courage Under Fire, you know, is kind of the Rashomon thing, you know, where you got, you know, Denzel, you know, got like five different stories from five different people, you know, about what really happened in the. In the fog of war. So, you know, you can extrapolate that to everyday life and somebody's had a meaningful interaction with you that may or may not have ever happened.

[A]

I'm trying to. I started thinking about it. I was like, well, I've definitely been to his neck of the woods, and he definitely could have driven me around. The generous tipper part doesn't sound like me, but you never know.

[D]

You're having a good day.

[A]

The Red Bull. Unless, like, here's my only Red Bull thing I can think of. If I did some sort of station appearance and the guy said, we're sponsored by Red Bull, and he gave me a case of Red Bull and said, take this. I would have left it in the limousine.

[D]

Well, there you go.

[A]

And then he would have thought that was a generous offering.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Now, the other guy with the Toyota and the kids, I don't even know exactly what that was. But I'm not here. Just like the elderly Hispanic woman who sees Jesus in a tortilla. I'm not here to talk her out of it. If she finds some solace in that tortilla, then I'm not here to make a soft taco out of it.

[D]

No. Well, no, exactly. You can make her a frame because you made this table, didn't you? Did you make this table?

[A]

No, I made this studio, but I did not.

[D]

I thought you made the table.

[A]

This table. Well, I want to see.

[D]

That was a lie then, you know, in the promo. That was a lie.

[A]

You know, I made this table.

[D]

You did not actually make this table.

[A]

I am very careful to tell people what I did and what I didn't do in the sense that I don't like stolen valor. I am a carpenter. I'm a journeyman carpenter, and I built all these studios and I built the former table that was here. But a woodworker who is a high end woodworker built this table.

[D]

It's a great table.

[A]

It's beautiful. And also, just because nobody cares, there is a difference between guys who do sheetrock and metal stud and framing and Whatever. All the stuff building and then the guys who build kayaks and stuff like that and laminate wood and steam wood and do a lot of radiation work and stuff like that. I didn't do that. And people go, I thought you were woodworker. I had to get paid. I couldn't sell $20,000 canoes. I had to show up on job sites and put my bags on and swing a hammer. And that other stuff where I sell a coffee table for 14 grand, that wasn't my business. Because it's not really a. Nick Offerman does that. Because Nick Offerman has a job.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, that's elite air. I'm in there slugging it out, framing stuff and pulling up subfloor and replacing toilets and stuff like that.

[D]

See, my wife is the one who does all that stuff. Really? Yeah. I cook the dinner. My wife is very manly.

[A]

She does artistry as well, right?

[B]

She does.

[D]

I'm so glad you know that.

[A]

Yeah, I do know that.

[D]

She's amazing.

[A]

She's an amazing artist.

[D]

She really is unbelievable.

[A]

And listen, I don't mind the reversal of the roles in terms of you do the cooking and you do the carpentry or whatever it is. I'm fine with that. My grandparents had that. My family's pretty dysfunctional, but there was a kind of a functional unit, which is my grandfather, my grandmother, and they had a full roll reversal. Like in the 60s, into the 70s and 80s, my grandfather shopped and cooked and cleaned and stayed home. My grandmother got up in the morning and went to the VA and worked all day and came home. And when she came home, dinner better be on that fucking table. Like that was her thing. You think it's some sort of misogynistic dude thing? No, it's whoever goes out and busts their hump all day in a job they didn't like, especially when they come home, they'd like. Yeah, that's how she was. I understood it. My only problem is I don't care who's doing which role, but somebody's got to do one, and the other has to do the other.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

There has to be a.

[A]

Can't be her doing all the fixing and you sitting on the sofa.

[D]

Yeah, exactly.

[A]

So you do the cooking?

[E]

I do.

[D]

And I enjoy it.

[A]

I do, too. What do you. Let me ask you this about cooking, okay? There's a side of cooking that is sort of technical, like where you're going. I want to see if I can execute this the way it's, you know, I see the picture. I See the menu. I want to see if I can do this right. And then there's a part I realize is more spiritual. Like, Jimmy Kimmel loves cooking, but that's cause he loves offering things to people. Like he's nurturing, you know what I mean? He likes the notion of philosophically, of creating something so someone can ingest it. Like maybe the ultimate appreciation, you know, giving someone a hundred bucks is fine, or buying him a car is fine, but giving him sustenance.

[D]

Yeah. And putting yourself into it to put it on the plate and hopefully it's good.

[A]

The more of you that's into it, the better. And then I realize, does he really like cooking or is he really like people and sort of giving to people? You know what I mean?

[D]

I can agree with that. There is a great portion of the satisfaction that comes from making a good meal and being a good cook. But it's like, okay, I'm feeding my wife, I'm feeding my daughter, and they're enjoying it and it's, you know, and it's good for them and it's tasty. So, you know, that's. There's a great deal of the satisfaction in that.

[A]

I think you're right in agreeing with me.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

But I also then realized it's like a two way street because I realized my mom wasn't that person. And it manifested itself in not a lot of cooking.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Because cooking is really just someone going, I'm going to take time to do something for you versus I'm not giving you any of my time because I'm not hungry.

[C]

Yeah, right.

[A]

And so then that leads my question, which is I ask everybody, or at least I try to give me your mom's sandwich score. Now let me explain. My mom was a zero and that she didn't do a lot for her kids. She didn't make sandwiches. Dr. Drew's mom is what we call a shit sandwich. She had a shitty sandwich. You know, like a sandwich that took two minutes. Like, there you go. Get out of my face. You know? So then there's all that. Now when you cross into toasting the bread, we're already at a seven. Because if you're toasting bread, that's extra effort. No one needs toasted bread on their sandwich. But if your mom really loves you, she's gonna spend a little extra time and some kilowatts toasting that bread. And there's a lot of range in sandwich. But when the mom really loves the sun, she gets a high sandwich score.

[D]

I'm really feeling bad about myself right about now.

[A]

Low sandwich score.

[D]

Really Low sandwich score.

[A]

Yeah, but you make up for it. And Denver omelets and other. Other confection.

[D]

And here's the thing. My mom was an amazing cook.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

A fantastic. She taught me to cook.

[A]

Well, the sandwich score is not literal. Like, your mom was a wonderful cook who didn't make sandwiches. Yeah, she didn't give her a high sandwich score.

[D]

You know, it was. It was the wonderful little mayonnaise and some bologna that was, you know, low sandwich score. Very low sandwich score. That was it. You know, that's what went in the brown bag. Going to school, you know, so.

[A]

But cooked meals at night.

[E]

Yeah, cooked.

[D]

Cooked meals every single night of the week. You know, So, I mean, the school sandwich thing was. Yeah, like I said, I mean, pretty darn basic. Not even any lettuce or tomato. None of that. None of. None of that fancy garnish.

[A]

Well, this is quandary because most moms who. Who score low in the sandwich department score low in all the departments. But your mom, this is an anomaly.

[D]

Yeah, 100% low sandwich score, but very low sandwich score.

[E]

But.

[D]

But, yeah, high, high culinary skills taught me. Taught me a lot.

[A]

Was your mom of a culture that was not that conducive to the sandwich?

[D]

Well, Filipino. So there you go.

[A]

Not a good sandwich culture.

[D]

No, no, not a sandwich culture at all.

[A]

As a matter of fact.

[D]

Yeah, you know, I was actually at Anime Con in New York recently, and, you know, you got a little thing from the vendor guy, and it took me, like, right back to my childhood where, you know, the workers would have aluminum foil and a big dollop of rice and then, you know, some, like, you know, roasted pork. And that was lunch.

[A]

You know, that's Filipino lunch.

[D]

That's. Yeah, it's a Filipino lunch.

[B]

Stream.

[A]

Pluto TV Stream hit Pluto TV for free. Stream blockbuster hits like 21 Jump Street Ted, the Expendables, and so much more on Pluto TV Stream now may never. Dana Gould, comedian's comedian in the studio, hanging with Dr. Z live in person and live streamed as well. Dynasty typewriter. That'll be September 7th out here in Los Angeles. And you go full hair, full makeup, full prosthetics. I do everything. It's a funny, funny show. And Dana's. I don't know if we call you the comedian's comedian, but still alive is usually the thing. You know, here's what I'm curious about, because I'm curious about your assessment of where you are or how you're perceived.

[E]

Oh, that's A good question.

[A]

And so what'll happen frequently? Because, you know, I do comedy, and then I'll talk to other guys and talk to guys who've been there and done that, booked everywhere and worked with everyone. You know, guys like Mike August, you know.

[E]

Sure.

[A]

And then they go, well, this guy's real popular, but he's not that funny. But this guy's real popular, but he is. And he's funny.

[E]

Right.

[A]

And then there's. This guy is real funny, but not that popular, but I don't know why he's not more popular. And then it's.

[E]

That's me.

[C]

Right.

[A]

And then at some point, Dana Gould's name will come up. I'll go, that guy's so funny. But then you go, funny, but, like, you must pick a sport. Like, you can't just be athletic. You have.

[E]

I think that's a good. Yeah, I think that's pretty astute. I think of my. I always make musical analogies. And the way I see it, you know, I wanted to be the Beatles, but I'm X.

[A]

Right? X is the name of a band. Exactly, exactly. Exactly, exactly.

[E]

Beloved. Still going. Still amazing. But it's like. Or Yola Tango. It's like the people who own record stores are bananas for these bands, but it doesn't translate. And I think.

[A]

No. Only reason I dove in is because you said I wanted to be the Beatles, but I'm X. Yeah. And there's probably a lot of people listening, saying, spit it out.

[B]

Yes, exactly. Yeah.

[A]

But X is the name of the band, not an equation.

[E]

Exactly. And that's the point. That's like, people don't know who. Right. But every band you love, if you say X, they go, oh, my God, those guys.

[A]

Right? And so X is Exena Cervanka, who I interviewed once, was a total bitch.

[E]

She's a little. We like to use the phrase neurodivergent.

[A]

Oh, she's very neurodivergent. Well, she was neurodivergent back when that was a bitch. Now she's graduated into neurodivergent. Right. And John Doe.

[E]

Yeah, they're an old LA punk band, one of the original LA punk bands.

[A]

Right. And they're good because they have great harmonies and, like, Once Over Twice is a great song. They're just great. All right. They're great. But they're at the Knitting Factory this weekend.

[E]

Exactly. This is still in the clubs.

[A]

They're at McCabe's out in Santa Monica. But they're not doing the arena.

[E]

Right, exactly.

[A]

Right. All right.

[E]

So Your ex, I like that. Might be even giving myself more credit.

[A]

No, I think that's good. I think that's good because you get this. So then you go, well, Dana, I mean, Dana's so funny, but Dana is not filling arenas. But you go, all right. I mean, you've made your living doing comedy for 30 some odd years, so, okay, you're already way ahead of wherever the Mason Dixon line is.

[E]

Yeah. And it's like, I'm not filling arena. I also have three Emmys. Nobody cares about them.

[A]

But no, no, no. Cause Mike says all the time, Mike will go, we've got that Simpson money. And then I go, I guess. I mean, I assume. I don't know what that Simpson money means.

[E]

The Simpson money was amazing, but it was also 10, 12, 15 years ago.

[A]

Right. You don't get to just, no, never work again because of Simpson money.

[E]

No, but I'm. But I mean, I have three. Like you. I have like five careers. You know, I'm a TV writer. I write on the show Ted, Seth MacFarlane's show. Brilliant show. But, you know, in the, in the current climate, it's like, congratulations on a show. We're making eight episodes every four years.

[A]

Right.

[E]

So you need to divert. You know, I have my little podcast, I have my little sideshows, and I write, you know, I write on other things. I love being a writer. I, you know, because I got into it so early.

[A]

Writing or comedy? Stand up.

[B]

Comedy.

[E]

Yeah, stand up. This is a little, you know, I started when I was 17. My first set as a stand up comedian was June of 1982.

[A]

Wow.

[E]

And I was out here in LA. I moved to LA in 89, and I was very good friends with a brilliant comedian. Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant guy named Kevin Rooney. RIP And Kevin was like my comedy Obi Wan Kenobi. And he got me into the improv and he really taught me how to be a good comedian. Kevin, also, because I was always with Kevin, he was like my older brother's Erzatz father figure. I hung around with Kevin and all of his friends. Jay Leno, Larry Miller, Bill Maher, Jerry Seinfeld. Like all of those guys think that I'm kind of in there class because I was always around with them socially. Actually, age wise, I was with Patton Oswald and Brian Posayn and all of those guys. But they were still in San Francisco. They hadn't moved down to LA yet. The point is, I always had my feet in these two camps. And right when. And then Ginny Garofalo and I Kind of were at the forefront of the alternative comedy scene in la. And right around the time that. Where I really belonged and where I would have broken through into stadium level fame was when Patton and those guys did the Comedians of Comedy tour. That was.

[A]

That.

[E]

That was my. That was my demographic, that was my audience. And that is where I would have probably made that jump. But because I was ahead of them, by that time, I was already married, owned a home, and had started writing on the Simpsons, which was an offer I couldn't say no to. So I sort of. I. I missed that boat. And so I, you know, I sort of. I just had to kind of forge ahead and have whatever career I. I had. I love my career, but, yeah, I think in terms of, like, grabbing that level of fame, I decided to have a different. Different discipline.

[A]

Yeah. Well, I'm.

[E]

Does that make any sense?

[A]

Yeah, no, it all makes sense.

[E]

Is that even remotely entertaining?

[A]

Well, informative, for sure.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

And the reason I came up with leg show was Hustler had broken through.

[B]

No.

[A]

What. I'm. I'm curious. I talk to people about, you know, this guy or that guy, but I never really talked to the person about their perception of where they are. Like, Mike August has his. Dana. Dana's super funny, but Dana's too hip for the room. It's like he needs. Often.

[E]

True.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, pick a lane kind of thing, you know, 100%.

[E]

And by the way, that drives my managers crazy, because my managers would like if I. My managers would love it if all I did was write a movie. Like, you know, you could do. Write Jaws. That'd be good movie like Star wars with Jaws in it. Could you write that tomorrow? My agents would love it if I would just. Would create a TV show and. But I'm too. I don't know if it's scatterbrained or whatever. I have too many disciplines that I. That I enjoy and that I keep doing. And, you know, I pay my rent and I, you know, I love having. I love doing the Dr. Z shows. I mean, I don't make money doing that, but I love doing it. And I was at Zany's this weekend. I came up with five new minutes. You know how happy that makes you when you get a new chunk that works that makes you happy. You know, at some point today I'm gonna work on a movie that I'm writing. And, you know, I agree.

[A]

I don't know. It's sort of sad when people think the end all and be all is cash, which it's fine. And it's good, and I like it. But it's always weird. Like, sometimes you'll hear Howard Stern go on for a long time. Like, this guy had the cushiest gig ever hosting this or hosting that, and then he walked away after five years. That's nuts. You don't walk away. And it's like, yeah, you do. If you think you can do other things and you've done enough of the one thing you only need.

[E]

This is a really un American attitude, dude. You can have enough money.

[A]

Yeah, but also, it's not. Look, I've said a million times what makes a sad job. Like when you're doing a eulogy, you know, and you go, the guy worked at the postal sorting facility in our leader for 49 years. He retired and he died two days later, right? So you go, okay, so what's sad about working at the postal sorting facility? Or even what's bad about my grandmother working at the VA in Westwood for a million years? Which she didn't. She didn't enjoy her job. Well, a, we assumed the postal sorting place wasn't paying you in cougarons and you weren't pulling up in a Rolls Royce and so on. So the pay. But the reason we emphasize he worked at this place for 50 years. Like, that guy worked at the mill for 40 years, and then he died. You know, he worked at the foundry, worked at the Ford plant in Dearborn. Right? Because you're going to the same place every day for 50 years. And there's a part of that that we think is sad. Right? And my feeling is you can host a late night show for 40 years, too, and you can make 25 million bucks a year, but you're still going to the same postal sorting plant in Arleta. You're going to the same place, you're doing the same thing. The only difference is you're being compensated, and there's lots of perks. But I look at it as you're going to the same job in the same factory. It's just the factory is Hollywood, and you get a big office, but you're going to the same place 100%.

[E]

And it really comes down to, like, do you enjoy your life? You know, Stephen King said, your life is not a support system for your art. Your art is a support system for your life. Like, my dad worked for the phone company all of his life. He had no love for the phone company.

[A]

Right?

[E]

But his passion was hunting. He loved hunting. And he lived. He's still alive, but he lived to Go hunting and the phone company paid his rent and he fed his family. And then when he had free time, he went hunting, right? That was his life, right? Happy as a clam. You know, it's like if you go to the same factory and you pay your rent and then when you're not working, you're just sitting around eating Doritos, wanting to kill yourself. That's not great.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. So I still. Right. And look, I used to work jobs I didn't want to work. And you'd sort of work another great unsung band called Lover Boy. Everyone was working for the weekends, you know, you'd have to work for the weekends and everything was that Fred Flintstone sound, bell sound, right? And slide down the brontosaurus neck, right? And you could enjoy yourself from Friday till Sunday night. And then it was time to go back. And there's a weird. There was a weird part going. I transitioned seamlessly from horrible, horrible student to shitty, shitty job. So Friday and I worked construction. So the entire time I was going into the LA Unified School District and being warehoused, the bell would ring at like 3, 3:30, 3:06 or 3 something. And then it was time, you know, Friday it was weird. And then when I work construction, construction is 7 to 3:30. And it was the same thing. Friday, 3:30, the bell would ring. And it was. The funniest thing for me is I hated digging ditches and sitting in class so much that my favorite day wasn't Saturday, it was Thursday. It was Friday at 3:30 just because it was done. It was as far away from, from.

[E]

Going back to work as.

[A]

Right. Saturday afternoon was like halfway back.

[E]

I looked at.

[A]

I would look at Friday at 3:30 when I was either driving home from the construction site or walking home from school. I'd go, this is as far away from 7am Mondays we're going to get.

[E]

The summer of 1983, I bagged groceries at the Stop and Shop in Hyannis, Massachusetts. I was at the same an HBO comedy special really called Campus Comedy that I did as a freshman in college. I would be bagging people's groceries and they would recognize me from being on TV the night before. It was awful and I really hated it. And it would. Yeah, I would start, See, I would start dreading going back to work the minute I got out of work.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

And when you dream about your job, when it seeps into your unconscious, I know that's the worst thing. But in terms of comedy, before we started, you and I were talking about Albert Brooks and one of my favorite jokes from the movie Defending youg Life, I came up with all nude. Albert Brooks is not Steve Martin.

[A]

Right.

[E]

But I think he's funnier.

[A]

Yes. Well, so it's just one of those things.

[E]

Albert didn't sit and go, how do I not become successful?

[A]

Right.

[E]

You know, he, you, you. The. The who and the Kinks.

[A]

Right.

[E]

They're both great.

[A]

Right.

[E]

One does X, one does M. You know.

[D]

Right.

[A]

It. It just not X the band. X the band, but you know what I mean. Jumping in. Yeah.

[E]

You know, the who does Shea Stadium, and the Kings could not do Shea Stadium.

[A]

Yes.

[E]

But song for song, they're both great bands.

[A]

No, I agree. You know, look, Albert Brooks gets. Does not sell out the stadium, but his payment is us talking about him in this glowing fashion on this podcast and having thoughts. Me telling everyone. Defending youg Life is one of my favorite movies of all time. There's a giant poster back there of Defending youg Life. And not only. I don't say it's about too many movies. It's Big Bear. It's funny, but it's important. It's an important movie.

[E]

That's exciting stuff.

[A]

There's so many great scenes.

[E]

So many great scenes in that movie.