Bill Simmons + Shaun White (Carolla Classics)

Summary

Adam Carolla Show – Carolla Classics

Episode: Bill Simmons + Shaun White

Date: February 7, 2026
Host: Adam Carolla
Guests: Bill Simmons, Shaun White, Davis LeDuc, Dana Gould, Dan Finnerty, Gina Grad, Brian Bishop

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Episode Overview

This "Carolla Classics" installment revisits some of the Adam Carolla Show’s most beloved and raucous moments, featuring a variety of guests and conversations spanning celebrity culture, music, comedy, and pop culture oddities. The best-of collection includes candid and hilarious discussions with sports analyst Bill Simmons, Olympic legend Shaun White (joined by his bandmate, Davis LeDuc), comedian Dana Gould, and more. The running thread is Carolla’s trademark unfiltered humor, storytelling, and a playful team dynamic with his rotating cast of co-hosts and contributors.

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Key Segments & Highlights

1. The Realities of Celebrity Socializing

(00:56 – 04:11)

• Adam riffed on the awkward etiquette and social games when celebrities try (and fail) to organize double date dinners.
• Standout Moment: Adam describes sitting between Helen Hunt and Meg Ryan at Dan Finnerty’s birthday, contrasting how one recognized his film ("The Hammer") and the other had never heard of him.
  • “I turned to my right, and Meg Ryan was sitting there, and she said, and what do you do? And I said, all is right with the universe.” — Adam Carolla (03:47)

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2. Vintage Game Shows & Decades-Old References

(05:19 – 09:00)

• A comedic deep-dive into obscure 70s game shows, ‘Pictionary’-style challenges, and the ego trips of being asked to appear on retro TV.
• Adam details his disastrous turn at drawing “An elephant never forgets” on a live game show, with everyone guessing donkey parts.
  • “How do you fucking illustrate 'never forgets' with an elephant head...all you're doing is drawing another...you're now punching the arrow.” — Adam Carolla (08:02)
• Sidebars on tacky TV commercials for trade schools, tongue-in-cheek nostalgia for mail-order career opportunities and the oddities of daytime TV targeting the unemployed.

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3. Irreverent Sex & Body Humor

(16:17 – 22:16)

• The panel spins off into raunchy talks about newfangled bathtub designs, old men bathing, and the temptations for young pranksters (“No way I could sit still for grandpa taking a bath without popping the fucking door open!” — Adam)
• Absurd speculation about feminine hygiene products:
  • “There's probably an aisle at any CVS dedicated to shit you put in your snatch.” — Adam Carolla (19:07)
• Dana Gould and Adam riff on blending magic tricks with tampons and anatomy, including pranks and myth-building around female products.

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4. The Rise and Fall of Physical Porn Stores

(23:05 – 31:19)

• Adam retells the humiliating ritual of renting porn in person, the terror of running into crowds (or schoolchildren) when leaving an adult store in broad daylight, and DIY cable-hacking schemes in hotels with Jimmy Kimmel.
  • “The door opens, there’s an entire school bus of 13-year-old kids—all slid over to my side…bright yellow building with the neon flashing dildo on it!” — Adam Carolla (25:00)
• They revisit the infamous O’Farrell Theater ("the Disneyland of porn"), and compare the shame of renting adult films in specialized stores versus the “back room” at mainstream video shops.

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5. Totally Topical TiVo Trivia (Vegas Edition)

(31:32 – 37:52)

• The usual crew and guests face off in a fast-paced TiVo movie trivia game with a Las Vegas theme, guessing films from pared-down TV-guide style descriptions.
• Comedic bickering as contestants mix up movie titles and try to outdo each other in live-play, with Adam lamenting how he’s “just playing for pride right now—and it’s gay pride.” (35:58)

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6. News with Gina Grad: Urine Beer and Bathroom Confessions

(38:56 – 49:15)

• Gina Grad reports on a music festival in Denmark turning audience urine into fertilizer for next year’s beer. The panel riffs relentlessly:
  • “Let me tell you something about urine—as a guy who's been on the losing end of a lot of urine...” — Adam Carolla (39:38)
• Adam recollects being ceremonially peed on at his 10-year high school reunion ("old times"), the etiquette (or lack thereof) around peeing outside as a homeowner, and the pitfalls of bathrobe ties when peeing.

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7. Female Physiology: Myths, Misunderstandings & Accidental Insights

(45:17 – 51:02)

• Honest confusion about feminine physics ("What about the friend with the tilted pelvis—does she throw the tampon string over her shoulder like a Continental soldier?” — Adam at 50:41)
• The group discusses female urination aids (Lady Jane, drip trays), and Gina Grad admits to testing female urination funnels on air.
• Adam confesses: “For at least the first 38 years of my life, I thought you couldn't piss with a tampon in.”

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8. Shaun White and Bad Things: Life, Music, and Transitioning from Sports

(51:43 – 83:12)

• Shaun White, Olympic snowboarder, discusses forming his band Bad Things with Davis LeDuc. Amusing origin story:
  • “I won a guitar in a snowboard contest...stayed under my friend’s bed for two years.” — Shaun White (52:13)
• Adam and Shaun bond over suffering through garish, sponsor-branded prizes (a bright yellow Harley and guitar they would never buy).
  • “You people don't know what suffering is until you've won a free Harley or electric guitar!” — Adam Carolla (54:37)
• Shaun credits his athletic discipline with propelling his music career—he brings the same “intensity and repetition; I don’t half-ass things” to being in a band. (57:59)
• Davis LeDuc shares the pain of eyelid tattoos ("dearest doomed"), noting the self-testing impulse behind such decisions.
• Haunting the band is the public’s skepticism towards athletes-turned-musicians. Adam jokes about being “burned by the Bacon Brothers,” while Davis wonders why actors can front bands but not vice versa.
  • “It’s weird...the guy’s a great sumo wrestler, but can he do interpretive dance? We’re very wary of celebrities doing anything other than what we allow them to.” — Adam Carolla (78:00)
• Shaun notes the new era of versatility, with multi-career lives becoming normal, and shrugs off traditional boundaries between disciplines.

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9. Bill Simmons Segment: The “Jizzy” Episode and the ESPN Podcast Ban

(84:48 – 113:54)

• Bill Simmons revisits classic Carolla jizz humor, debating the greatest “jism scenes” in film history, from Silence of the Lambs to pop music euphemisms.
  • “Is that one of your top 10 favorite jism scenes in movie history?” — Bill Simmons (86:37)
• Spirited discussion on the impact of Viagra/ED drugs on the “performance-enhancing” stats of modern porn stars versus old-school legends.
  • “How do I judge the stats of the guys from the last ten years?” — Bill Simmons (94:15)
• Adam and Simmons improvise tongue-in-cheek hypotheticals about parental shame over their daughters’ career choices in the adult industry (“Would you rather your daughter be a stripper or clean up after the strippers?” — Bill Simmons, 99:01)
• (101:49 – 113:54): Adam launches into a brutal, hilarious rant about ESPN’s decision to ban Bill Simmons and Dave Dameshek from his show after prior “jizz-heavy” conversations, lambasting corporate cowardice and missed audience opportunities.
  • “Dear retard fucking hack...You are not a hero. You’re an idiot.” — Adam Carolla (110:58)

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10. Man Show Memories & Dixie Chicks Pranks

(116:41 – 122:18)

• Inside stories from Man Show writing room high jinks, including the infamous Dixie Chicks roses prank, and office lore involving assistants’ underwear, cruel nicknames, and 90s TV culture.
• Adam and his crew recall the elaborate pranks they used to play for office amusement—many of which would be “grounds for being fired today.”

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Memorable Quotes

• “I'm just playing for pride right now — and it's gay pride, so just long as you know.”—Adam Carolla, (35:58, TiVo Trivia)
• “There's probably an aisle at any CVS dedicated to shit you put in your snatch.”—Adam Carolla, (19:07)
• “You people don't know what suffering is until you've won a free Harley or electric guitar!”—Adam Carolla, (54:37)
• “How do I judge the stats of the guys from the last ten years?”—Bill Simmons, (94:15)
• “Dear retard fucking hack...You are not a hero. You’re an idiot.”—Adam Carolla, (110:58)

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Notable Timestamps

• 00:56 — Celebrity dinner plans & star-studded parties
• 05:47 — Game show tales, “celebrity moments”
• 16:17 — Daytime TV nostalgia & bathtub prank hypotheticals
• 23:05 — The shame and logistics of renting porn
• 31:32 — Totally Topical TiVo Trivia: Vegas Edition
• 38:56 — “News with Gina Grad”: beer brewed with urine
• 45:17 — Homeowner urination rites and bathroom confessions
• 51:43 — Shaun White & Bad Things: musician origin stories
• 84:48 — Bill Simmons’ return: film jism scenes and performance enhancement in porn
• 101:49 — Radio/podcast industry politics: ESPN bans
• 116:41 — Man Show/Dixie Chicks office prank stories

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Takeaway

This supercut-style episode is an absolute showcase of Adam Carolla’s unfiltered, free-range podcasting: a blend of original bits, barbed social commentary, old-school memories, and peerless comedic riffing. Whether you’re in it for the Hollywood cultural jokes, the sexually frank tangents, the inside-baseball media rants, or simply the camaraderie of smart, rapid-fire banter, the episode delivers wall-to-wall highlights—a true Carolla Classic.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

Foreign.

[Brian Bishop]

Welcome to Corolla Classics. I'm your host, superfan Giovanni. This is the podcast we play the best moments, highlights and fans like the clips from all 16 years of the Adam Corolla show. We have a companion podcast titled Corolla Classics. You can find the ad free archives at Podcast one plus. Check it out and sign up. If you'd like to get access to the ad free archives of the Adam Carolla show, the Adam and Dr. Drew show as well as access to the brand new podcast Beat it out, make sure to check out Adam Carolla substack adamcorla.substack.com and if you'd like to request a clip, please email us classicsdamcarolla.com alright, let's get to the clips coming up first we have Adam Carolla Show 1615 live on stage with Dan Finnerty, Dana Gould, Gina Grett and Brian Bishop from 2015.

[Adam Carolla]

I think I. I think our, our. Our dinner with Howie Mandel is finally going to take place.

[Brian Bishop]

The long gestating dinner with the wives.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. You guys will never experience this anguish firsthand, but as a celebrity, when you get together with other celebrities you always make promises to get the wives and you together and go to dinner at some point, but it never ever happens. Okay, and why, what's that?

[Brian Bishop]

Why, why doesn't happen.

[Gina Grad]

These are very busy men, Brian.

[Adam Carolla]

It, it doesn't. It, it, it, it usually because one celebrity is above the other celebrity. Oh I, I find probably doing America's Got Talent particular case or Howie.

[Brian Bishop]

Someone's got to break it to him.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. But for one reason or another it just never. Do you guys do this mean you're married to a celebrity? Dan. Thanks. Yeah, yeah. And what? Lou Diamond Phillips. Yes. I didn't want to out Dan. Amen. Come on. Wanted deliverance to him. Yeah. Yes. Now do you. Which one of you stands and which one delivers? Yeah. Come on, you're killing it right out the gate. Thank you. Yeah. Kathy Najimmy is Dan's. Wait, I got that right? Yeah, that. Yeah. Right. Okay, good. So now do you, do you make. Oh you're. By the way, your wife is like hooked in. I mean she knows a lot of celebrities, right? Yeah, yeah. People like her. Yeah, yeah. Because I went to your birthday out here in Vegas some years back. I know. And I found myself sitting between Helen Hunt.

[Brian Bishop]

It was quite the star studded affair from the pictures that you showed.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. What was it? Who were. Who was it? Who was it? Brag a little Dan. Who's at your birthday party? I don't know. I think you were sitting between, like, Helen Hunt and Meg Ryan or Meg Ryan. Yeah. I think you said you were. It was. It was.

[Brian Bishop]

Sherry o' Terry was there.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it was.

[Brian Bishop]

It was crazy that night.

[Adam Carolla]

It was great because I. Helen. I'm sitting between Meg Ryan and Helen Hunt. Helen just sort of looked at me and said, hey, Adam. And I said, hey, Helen Hunt, who I've never met before and only seen on television. And she went, hey, I really enjoyed your movie. And I said, you. You. You. You saw my movie? Yeah. How did you see my movie? I went to the movie theater with my boyfriend, and we saw it and we loved it. The Hammer. We loved it very much. We thought it was great. And I was like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. And then I. I turned to my right, and. I can't believe there's a picture up here. Yeah, there's a. Yeah, the Internet's good that way.

[Dana Gould]

I know.

[Adam Carolla]

I guess. So I turned. I was like, holy. Helen Hunt went to the theater and saw the Hammer. And then I turned to my right, and Meg Ryan was sitting there, and she said, and what do you do? And I said, all is right with the universe. Now I can breathe again. We're back. Yes. Meg Ryan had no idea what I did. But as it. As it should be. Right. Meg Ryan should not have any idea what I do. Right.

[Brian Bishop]

I'd be shocked if she did.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you. You.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm support.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

And people. Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

And. But who else was there, Dan?

[Dana Gould]

I mean, if Meg Ryan marries John Cougar Mellencamp, does she become Meg Ryan Mellencamp or Meg Ryan Cougar Mellencamp?

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. Yeah. That's deep. Yeah, man.

[Brian Bishop]

The question is that Plague man.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, Dixie Riddle cup, people. Look out. There's a new sheriff in town. His name is Dana. Ghoul.

[Dana Gould]

Cosmic.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I think those days of writing clever things for me, I. I went from the Dixie Riddle cup to the bottle cap of the Lucky Logger. Do you guys know what I'm talking about? If you pop open a Lucky Lager and look at it, it'll have a picture of, like, an eye and then a can and then a C. And you'll go, Mickey's.

[Brian Bishop]

Mickey's does the. Mickey's big mouth. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Mickey's does it.

[Brian Bishop]

Dan, Adam and Dana, when they get together, love to make decades old references.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

That's their thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Please. All the kids are buzzing about Lucky Lager.

[Dana Gould]

I was gonna make a reference to my Barnabas Collins and a funny, vain joke book. But maybe that maybe not. Break, tear the fabric of reality. What is the game show that used that same concept?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh yeah, there was a. There was one of those. I. Oh, it was like not Pictionary. Draw that. Win, lose or draw. Oh yeah, that was good.

[Dana Gould]

I.

[Adam Carolla]

What One of my. I should tell me, Ryan this, but one of my earliest, like, hey, now, you're celebrity moments is when at some point you are asked to do a warmed over game show from the 70s. As long as there's a panel that's at least 21 people, you'll be. You'll reach some sort of. At some altitude of c. Celebrity ism. You will be asked to do a warmed over shitty game show from the 70s that like Burt Reynolds is hosting or Dom DeLuise. And that's how you know you've arrived. And it was one of those like, it was like win, lose or draw. And the thing that's weird. And I realized like everybody in their mind, I think it's like drunken people with karaoke. We all think we can sing and we all think we can draw, but it turns out we can't.

[Brian Bishop]

You have a very agreeable drunk man.

[Adam Carolla]

In the front row. Am I right? Screaming out, yep. I. I don't know who is Burt Reynolds or Connie Francis or whoever the was hosting the goddamn thing, but my very first thing out of the, out of the gate. Was it, Was it Vicki Lawrence?

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, that looks like Vicky.

[Adam Carolla]

It may have been. I think there was somebody. I swear to God, Burt Reynolds was in there somewhere. But the point is this. It could have been Norm MacDonald just chewing gum a certain way. My very first thing that I had to draw on the big board on television so that my team could guess from the clues was an elephant never forgets. Oh, God. And I was like, well, first off, it's not like anyone ever really says that. Yeah, but it's not like my wife couldn't find her keys and I went, well, if you're an elephant, right, you'd know where they were. But an elephant never forgets. It's not exactly.

[Brian Bishop]

It's not a common phrase.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. It's not like a stitch in time saves nine or something like that. I don't know why, but I got an elephant never forgets.

[Dana Gould]

And you can't draw an elephant and then write the words never forget.

[Adam Carolla]

No, what I can do is draw something that looks more like a donkey and then point arrows to his head. So all I get is guys going like, donkey head, donkey skull, donkey brain. No, no, no, no, no, no. And it's like, how do you fucking illustrate? Never forgets. With an elephant head and Vicky Lawrence going, 21 seconds left, and all you're doing is drawing another. You're now punching the arrow. What if you drew.

[Dana Gould]

What if you drew an elephant's head and then the Twin Towers?

[Adam Carolla]

That too soon? Yeah. Well, first off, when you're drawing, it'd be like goal post, elephant, goal post, donkey kick, mule kick, goalpost kick, field goal, field goal, elephant kick. By the way, no one wins over.

[Brian Bishop]

A crowd like this.

[Adam Carolla]

This, by the way, is pre.

[Dana Gould]

I can't believe my 911 chunk died.

[Adam Carolla]

This is pre 911.

[Dana Gould]

Oh, God.

[Adam Carolla]

So if I had done it, then the tape would have been examined after 911, and I would have gotten on some kind of list. Right. Where they would have detained me at the airport.

[Brian Bishop]

Inside job.

[Adam Carolla]

For sure. Yes. Or at least burned as a heretic. But I all. And has this ever helped? Whether it's with your wife or with Vicki Lawrence on TV where they're not getting the right answer. And you take your marker and start stabbing the arrow. You just, you now you viciously, aggressively point at the arrow. Elephant skull, elephant brain, elephant eye. No.

[Gina Grad]

Or you just keep circling it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Circle the whole thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I would do a lot of circle and then stab once again. But I was so livid that an elephant never. It's not illustratable.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it's not.

[Adam Carolla]

And even if it was, no one would ever shout it out.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, they would have been like, an elephant has a great memory. But they wouldn't have given him points for that, obviously, because it's not the exact phrase.

[Adam Carolla]

It's really hard to use a Sharpie and illustrate memory. Memory. Yeah. Yeah, it's very difficult. Who else was there? Was, like, Charlotte Ray there. Oh, yeah, probably Charlotte Ray. Her. Yeah, I know. Mrs. Garrett. She was at your party, right? Yes, she was there. Yeah. I don't know. I know Gary. Gary has to, like, kick really, really up into the Ultranet to find out who was on. On this show. They used. I. I think they used to just shove me and Dr. Drew on whatever. They should just start a game show and just call it what it is. Sloppy seconds, like celebrities. You don't give a. About making an ass of themselves in the afternoon. Yeah, yeah, right. But who are you to pass judgment? Guy in his socks and house coat at 1:45pm on a Thursday who's just cracked his third tall boy. You want to pass judgment on me and my. All the.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah, all the commercial. Those Are for trade schools.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, yes. Want to learn to work in a doctor's world, but not actually be a doctor?

[Dana Gould]

Would you like to learn to draw?

[Adam Carolla]

We can get you your class D long haul trucker's license in as little as nine days.

[Dana Gould]

God rest his soul.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. Wally Thorpe School of Trucking. Yeah, well, it is something we talked about, which is a sad, sad testimonial, which is when I used to stay home from school and watch commercials that were playing during the day for unemployable adults. It was Learn to repair toasters and get certified and begin your lucrative career in toaster and toaster oven repair. You know, there'd be, there'd be. Learn to drive an 18 wheeler. Learn to be a dental technician. You know, it was all this, all this. Learn to be Debbie Dudson. Debbie Dudson would tell you you could. How? You want to know how you know? Debbie Dudson knows about long haul trucking. She, she could tell you She's Debbie Dudson for the Dudson School of Trucking.

[Brian Bishop]

Dan, remember I told you about the decades old references?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. This is it. This was it.

[Sean White]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, good. All right, wait. We'll show, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll show one just for fun. But yeah, go ahead. Do you want to make big money? Say goodbye to creditors, unemployment and poor paying jobs. That's daddy get out in a big rig. Also known as Mr. Saturday Night.

[Dana Gould]

I worked in a gas station then.

[Adam Carolla]

I got my class one truck driver's license.

[Dana Gould]

I have never been out of work since. You can have your license in one week.

[Adam Carolla]

Dudes and driving schools are the best. How do you know me?

[Teresa Strasser]

I'm Debbie Dudson.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, shit.

[Dana Gould]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

So I used to sit there in North Hollywood as an 11 year old going, you know what? I could get my class A license in a few years and hit the fucking open road. Yeah, I've seen White Line Fever.

[Dana Gould]

I've never been out of work since. Is not grammatically correct. So you would think for the commercial they would just go, never. Isn't a thing that since you want to just do it one more time.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Dana Gould]

Do it right.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

People making the commercial would go, let's just do another one.

[Gina Grad]

But it's not Debbie Dudson School of bachelor degrees.

[Dana Gould]

Clearly not.

[Adam Carolla]

He's a long haul trucker.

[Dana Gould]

Despite what you may think, trucks are not dragons and they do not move on their own. I'm Debbie Dudson.

[Adam Carolla]

I, I, Two things. One is now every single commercial you see played during the day when people are home and should be gainful employed is. Do you have mesothelioma? Were you injured in the workplace or vaginal mesh? That hurts my feelings, yes. Is there a tuna net in your coos? We can get you a structured annuity or like another one is like then there's the ones the next level. Have you already sued your employer? Someone like the money in one lump instead of paid out over.

[Brian Bishop]

Sell us your annuity or structured settlement.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? So there ain't no more learn toaster repair and drive a long haul truck. It's sue your boss, right? And.

[Dana Gould]

And the instant glasses, right?

[Adam Carolla]

The one.

[Dana Gould]

The any prescription glasses that you can buy.

[Brian Bishop]

All.

[Dana Gould]

All I know is the guy in the car goes I lost my glasses.

[Adam Carolla]

I lost my glasses.

[Dana Gould]

What he just throw flies into a panic when he can't find his glasses.

[Adam Carolla]

What's an instant class?

[Dana Gould]

It's some kind of.

[Sean White]

It's.

[Dana Gould]

It's a mail order version of it's. It's the kind of glasses that you get at save on.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

Like that don't have a prescription sponsor. Magnifying glasses in a lens in a frame.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh right.

[Dana Gould]

I watched Perry Mason on me tv. So all the.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh yeah.

[Dana Gould]

All the commercials are like, why not buy your coffin now so your family doesn't have to.

[Gina Grad]

Everything's Craftmatic adjustable.

[Dana Gould]

Everything's Craftmatic adjustable. The elevator stairwell, right? A lot of that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

I like the tub you walk into.

[Adam Carolla]

I love the bathtub. The bathtub with the barn doors on.

[Gina Grad]

What success looks like to me, by the way.

[Adam Carolla]

Tired of being lowered into your bathtub with a cherry picker? Well, now you can waltz in your bathtub and all the.

[Dana Gould]

All the products are named for things that the people buying them no longer have. Pride, serenity, assurance, continence.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, growing up, if there was one of those bathtubs with the suicide door on it, is there any possible way that somebody could get to double digits in bath bath without you fucking running in there and just popping a hatch on the thing? I mean no fucking way. There's no way I could sit still for grandpa taking a bath without popping the fucking door. It'd be impossible.

[Brian Bishop]

To what end?

[Adam Carolla]

What? To why? Listen, to what end? Yes. No end. That's the whole point. My buddy Ray had a whole flood.

[Dana Gould]

A room and see your grandpa's balls. That's called the two.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean you can hey you because you because. Well first because it's there. That's what makes Americans Americans. Like my buddy Ray got hold of Jack Donit's spear gun and, like, in the house, of course. And there's no way he wasn't going to fire it into the hamper and pin it to the wall of. Jack Donit says there's no. To what end? What are you talking about? Sorry, I have to open that. That thing up. Yeah. All right. Now, where was I? What is vaginal mesh? Honestly, like, I don't know, but I'd like to see if I could get through it. Yeah, I think I could sharpen my. You know, have one of those wheels, you know, this big stone. Sparks flying off one of those. Yeah, I'm getting through that vaginal. West, give me some more of that tongue oil. Let me see if I can get. If I can get a nice.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah, it's a lot like arc welding.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. What is vaginal mesh? What is going on?

[Brian Bishop]

Put a camber up there. Looks like a dolphin continent.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, is anybody. Hold on. When does the vagina need a mesh? That's. Yeah. What do you guys have. Any of the ladies in the audience want to. Is somebody in here that suffers from anything?

[Brian Bishop]

It's like when you have a. Does anyone need. Is it like when you have a hole in the wall?

[Dana Gould]

Oh, there's an ephesiotomy, which is a vaginal mess.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, the piece otomie. Yeah. That's a terror. Oh, Dana. Ghoul Juan, he makes a 9, 11 and episiotomy.

[Brian Bishop]

Nobody wins over a crowd like Dana Gould.

[Adam Carolla]

Damn.

[Brian Bishop]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, I never really thought about this, but you women are lucky because.

[Gina Grad]

Do tell.

[Dana Gould]

You've never thought about this.

[Adam Carolla]

No, but all we have is a cock and balls. You know what I mean?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

There's not much to do with them except for not get them crushed or burnt in a fire, like, whatever. Right. We spend most of the time just trying to keep it out of harm's way kind of thing.

[Brian Bishop]

It's amazing, if you think about it, how often we don't crush our balls.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you guys have a vagine, and the vagine, you have stuff with, like, 80 products to push up it. You know what I mean? There's. There's. There's liquids and powders and cleansers and sponges and meshes and anuva rings and, you know, things that pop, like little hula hoops that pop into stuff and punch sperm when they come by and stuff like that. I mean, you got a lot of. There's probably an entire aisle at any CVS dedicated to shit you put in your snatch.

[Dana Gould]

The vaginal aisle.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what we got. Like a condom. That's where they can try to suffocate your own cockpit. That's about it. Like crawling head first into a mummy bag, you know? Like that's you trying. Trying to choke the life out of your own. That's no fun.

[Brian Bishop]

It's all we got.

[Adam Carolla]

That's all we got. I mean, yeah, you can dump a little talc down your shorts, but that's really not what it's even made for. You know what I mean? We don't have like a ball hammock or something like that. You know what I mean? Like, we don't. We don't have a lot of a mess. We need a ball mess.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah, it's a low maintenance appendage.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah, but it's no frills too, you know?

[Dana Gould]

Yeah, it's. It's. It's literally what you see is what you get.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. There's just nothing there. I. By the way, if we did have vaginas, there is no doubt there would be almost everything put up there. Some at one time or another. I mean, because guys have that kind of sense of humor. Well, yeah, maybe they wouldn't be fellas at that point. No, I haven't really worked this out yet, but you're a comedian, Dana. You for sure would at least do the scarves trick like they do with the clowns or something. I would immediately.

[Dana Gould]

I would immediately insert a full can of Pringles and then just. Well, we have dip, but we're out of chips. No problem.

[Adam Carolla]

Perfect.

[Dana Gould]

Tuba chips.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that's right off the top of my head.

[Dana Gould]

No thinking.

[Adam Carolla]

I had a whole idea with the tampon strings, you know, but novelty. Like a rat's tail.

[Dana Gould]

Oh, yeah. Very good.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? Or just a little flag that says, bam. Pull chain.

[Sean White]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Or maybe one of those Christmas tree air fresheners. Or just like a hole. I mean, it just keeps going and going and going. A little.

[Dana Gould]

Little Batman and Robin climbing up, climbing up. Gym rope.

[Gina Grad]

There should at least be an old timey doorbell attack.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah. Old timey doorbell.

[Dana Gould]

You know, there's a. There's a billboard in town for the. I think it's called the Love Shop.

[Adam Carolla]

The Love Shop. Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

Which is such a better name than the dildolary.

[Adam Carolla]

You guys, if you ever do buy something that vibrates, they do have to fire it up for you at the counter. Really? How do you. No returns, no returns. No returns, no returns. They do not want a bunch of guys coming back on hey, man, I, you know, you know, embarrassing, you know, much mud is on my face. I had this thing halfway up my boyfriend's ass and it just fucking quit. Way less than 10 minutes on this bad boy.

[Dana Gould]

A lot of people at noon on Christmas day. The kids were so excited.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right, that's right. The guy.

[Dana Gould]

I was up all night putting this.

[Adam Carolla]

Together, by the way. I, I don't even know if those play. I guess those places still exist, those, you know, le Sex shops. Well, the other high end, now that's still around.

[Dana Gould]

That's what this store is.

[Adam Carolla]

It's.

[Dana Gould]

It's like the Hustler store in la. It's called the Love Store right here. We're giving them a ton of free plugs.

[Gina Grad]

Well, first off, Leisure Chest has been.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah, the pleasure.

[Adam Carolla]

Is there some sort of code that that guy has to stand on a six foot riser behind the counter? So it's like your honor, if you could just go ahead and power up this butt plug, I could get on my way. Like those guys are always on some crazy riser. I think it's because there's something going on in the back.

[Brian Bishop]

They got to be able to see all the aisles. You know what I'm saying? What's being done with the products?

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, they're like a pharmacist.

[Dana Gould]

The first question on that job interview is, how much do you look like Harry Dean Stanton?

[Adam Carolla]

A lot.

[Dana Gould]

I swear, a lot. Will you wear a grimy sweater in hot weather?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Can I tell you that I. Many years ago, back when one had to go procure one's own pornography and literally rent it and, and bring it back. What I, it was, I was probably.

[Dana Gould]

That concept now is so insane. And it's only a couple of years ago. I know somebody else had this tape.

[Adam Carolla]

It was like fingers.

[Dana Gould]

It's so awful.

[Adam Carolla]

I, There was a place. You know what? I bet you could find it, Gary. There was this place that was in Hollywood that was on Western. Jack in the Box and the Jack. Yeah. Inbox. Yeah, I think it was on Western and Sunset. And it was just a little bit up from Sunset on Western. Or maybe it was Santa Monica and Western. But it was like the, you know, was, you know, the, the, the Butt Plug Emporium or whatever the it was, and he'd go there and rent and whatever. And one time, but Depot, I, I was working construction and I was living with my girlfriend in Hollywood off of Franklin and for some reason we knocked off at like noon and my girlfriend and I were living in a Bachelor apartment in, in Hollywood. But she was at work and I knew she wouldn't be back until like 5 o'. Clock. And it's sad but like when you're 27 and you realize I will be the only person in this space with a VCR for three hours, your mind immediately goes to I must find pornography. And instead of driving home from work, I drove to this place on Western and whatever and parked my little mini pickup truck around back and went through the front door which was right on Western, and ran in there and rented a porn movie. And when I walked out of the place it was like 2:15 in the afternoon. There's no windows, there's no anything. You just. The door opens, there's an entire school bus of 13 year old kids who by the way all slid over to my side of the thing because you're waiting. They were getting backed up in traffic, they were probably 100ft away from sunset. And they're all just sitting there again in a bright yellow building with the neon flashing dildo on it. And they're all leaned over to see who the next pathetic SAP who comes out of this place. And I just opened the door and it's like I was hit with the ray of sunshine and like was using you know, Eubankus Uranus 13 to like shoot myself. And then I moved it every kid at his nose. And it was, it was not the special kids bus, it was for the gifted kids. It was like the wagon train bus. You know, it was like 80ft long. Everyone had their fucking nose pressed against the window. And I was like, oh, thank fucking Christ no one knows who I am walking.

[Dana Gould]

Walking into. Stay in school.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Don't let this happen to you. Oh, and be kind. Rewind.

[Brian Bishop]

Sorry, Rewinding.

[Adam Carolla]

How much?

[Brian Bishop]

What percentage of porn rentals got returned in the, in the night slot versus got brought to the counter? It must have been 99 to 1%.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Gina Grad]

There was probably actually a lot of movies called night slot.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, like you're not bringing that porn back up to the counter. Be like, here you go.

[Adam Carolla]

Done with this.

[Dana Gould]

How many returned? Not rewound, but more than 11 minutes in.

[Adam Carolla]

Into the, it's like two minutes in. Well, remember in hotels when they would give you free preview for like a minute? Yes. That's all you need. Yeah, it was. Yeah. Our, our, me and Jimmy Kimmel's greatest coup is going to New York once a year with Kevin and Bean. And we figured out that if we brought vice grips and a universal remote we could swap the coaxial cable on the back of the TV set and the, you know, cable inverter box, and then use the universal remote to program the stations that the remote they provided would not let you. Like, it stopped, you know, from 112 to 169. No, from like 112 to, like, 127 were the porno channels, but it would just skip from 112 to 128. But not if you had the universal remote. And that was our big thing. So we'd swap the cables. It was like. It's insane. I mean, meanwhile, I'm sure Jimmy's kids wanted him to build them like a. Like a dollhouse for eight years. He's like, that's out of my pay grade when it comes to fucking porn. He becomes MacGyver. He was Edison. But the biggest problem was there was only one universal remote. Like, we weren't rich. And if you got your station locked onto the porn station, you weren't rich.

[Brian Bishop]

You're the guys that were stealing cable. You're not rich.

[Adam Carolla]

You would. Then you could watch the news, but you'd never go. You couldn't make it back to the porn station because Jimmy had the universal remote in his room. So, you know, hey, if you're done with your. But you better think long, medium. You better think average and semi hard about whether you want to change this or not. Because if you get a hankering for porn and in the next couple hours, you ain't getting it back.

[Dana Gould]

If you really want to watch 2020, I can get you some Hugh Downs now.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Dana Gould]

But you're with you all night.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Dana Gould]

There was a place in San Francisco, I think it's still there, called the o' Farrell Theater, the Mitchell Brothers o' Farrell Theater, which is like the Disneyland of porn. There's like seven different thematic rooms and. And it's all strippers. It's not porn video. And I was working up there years ago, headlining a club. My girl. It was like my girlfriend's first time.

[Adam Carolla]

Looking at. Are we looking at it? Look to your right.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah, there it is. So I'm working in San Francisco. My girlfriend comes up with me, and I'm introducing. There's the other actors on the bill.

[Adam Carolla]

There he is.

[Dana Gould]

And it's just like, these are my friends. This is what I do. This is. I used to live here. These are all my friends. And.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, great.

[Dana Gould]

So the next day. Day, it's really rainy San Francisco day. We're driving around, and we're at a red light in front of the Ferrell Theater. And it's. And I go, this place. This is like the weirdest porn place you'll ever see. And as I'm pointing to it, the other act from the show walks out, and he's literally wearing a raincoat. And that's the guy you talked to last night and you'll have to talk to tonight all night. That's him. Probably just jacked off. Let's hope he doesn't see us.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me ask you guys a quick hypothetical question then. Back in the day, returning porn. Go into the super SCSI porn only store and deal with the gents that hang out there. Or go in with the general pop and risk running into the mom who's returning to Teletubby's video as well.

[Dana Gould]

You go into your. You're going to your 2020 video. You go into the back through the western doors.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

They literally go, shame, shame, shame, shame, shame. You go in there, and one thing you'll find is people really give each other space in that place. Not a lot of crowding. The shelves in the back room of 2,020. And then you go out with your videos and you put them on the counter, and then you rent your videos. Goonies, Gremlins 2. The next batch.

[Brian Bishop]

Ice Castles.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Dana Gould]

Ginger Lynn's girl. Girl hits fightmaster 5. Caligula's fist. 3. Harlem Globetrotters on Gilligan's Island. But that's one you really did want to see.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, shall we play a little Totally topical TiVo trivia? All right, now, this game is. We give the. It's awesome. Yes. Dawson will read the TiVo description of a movie. Yep. And minus any of the celebrity names that are involved with it. When you hear the description of it, you shout your name out.

[Brian Bishop]

Now we have a Dan and a Dana.

[Adam Carolla]

Dan and a Dana. That's gonna. That's gonna be confusing. And then. What's my name again?

[Brian Bishop]

You're Pete.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm Pete. Right. Adam was too soft, and I got blown out a lot, so I went with Pete. And when you think you know the movie, shout your name out. They're gentlemen. I think will be fine. Let's play totally topical Tebow trivia time today. And this is an all Vegas edition of Totally Video time today. And first of four is going to win. A Las Vegas gambler wins a Hawaii fling with a privateized bride during a convention.

[Brian Bishop]

Brian. I'm gonna say that's honeymoon in Vegas from 1992.

[Sean White]

Honeymoon in Vegas, Whatever.

[Adam Carolla]

After a wild stag party in Las Vegas. Pete. Pete. Bad Things 3. Hazy groomsmen.

[Brian Bishop]

Brian.

[Adam Carolla]

Brian. The hangover from 2009.

[Brian Bishop]

I was missing a very bad thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Very bad things. Sorry. Right. FBI agent Gracie Hart. Pete. Pete. Snake Eyes. Deals with her superiors when she decides to save two friends. Dan. Dan. Jaws. Kidnapped in Las Vegas.

[Brian Bishop]

Gracie Hart.

[Adam Carolla]

Come on. Dana. You're a loser. You should know this shit.

[Dana Gould]

I know. You're right.

[Adam Carolla]

Probably jacked off to this.

[Brian Bishop]

Brian. Miss Congeniality.

[Adam Carolla]

That is incorrect. Oh, good.

[Gina Grad]

Cheater.

[Adam Carolla]

I was gonna say it is Ms. Congeniality 2. The wacky inventor who shrunk the kids. Brian. Dan. Brian.

[Brian Bishop]

Honey. I shrunk the kids too.

[Adam Carolla]

Dan. Porkies. Dana. Dana. Honey.

[Dana Gould]

I blew up the Kids from 1992.

[Adam Carolla]

Dana Gould on the board. Wow.

[Dana Gould]

Not to be confused with.

[Adam Carolla]

That's an actual movie.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

Not to be confused with the Stephen Collins film. Honey, I Blew the Kids, which is very.

[Brian Bishop]

That up is. The up is very important.

[Adam Carolla]

Too soon. Yeah. Aging friends head to Las Vegas.

[Brian Bishop]

Brian.

[Adam Carolla]

Pete. The Adam Corolla show.

[Brian Bishop]

It's called Last Vegas.

[Adam Carolla]

Say it again. Last to Vegas from 2013. It is definitely one of those movies where they came up with the title before they came up the actual premise of the movie. Right. All right. You got three. Three.

[Brian Bishop]

Three.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. A Las Vegas chorus girl. Pete.

[Gina Grad]

God damn it.

[Adam Carolla]

Showgirls. A hustler. Oh, fuck. Gina. I'm sorry.

[Gina Grad]

Go ahead.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh. And an escaped convict head for a karaoke championship.

[Brian Bishop]

Brian.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, fuck. Oh.

[Brian Bishop]

This is with Huey Lewis and Gwyneth Paltrow from. From the Heart.

[Adam Carolla]

In Omaha, Nebraska. What the hell is it?

[Sean White]

Duets.

[Dana Gould]

Damn.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. 2000 in his duets. Thanks. All right. Now what is. Dana. We got one. I have one. Dan. One. Well, you got Jaws, didn't you?

[Brian Bishop]

Jaws.

[Adam Carolla]

Important. You got two. All right.

[Bill Simmons]

I'm.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm just playing for pride right now. And it's gay pride, so just long as you know. Some people just say pride.

[Dana Gould]

And yet you miss Duets.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, now I'm playing for Gay Pride.

[Dana Gould]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

And we'll be cruising together later. A dancer.

[Gina Grad]

Gina.

[Adam Carolla]

Pete. Gina. Showgirl from 1995.

[Gina Grad]

No. Be Malone.

[Brian Bishop]

Stole that one from under Ace. I mean, Pete.

[Adam Carolla]

A New York bookie and his. Pete. Dana. Pete. Good fellas. Dana.

[Dana Gould]

Midnight Run.

[Adam Carolla]

And his pal Turn. A Las Vegas Cheetah.

[Gina Grad]

Casino.

[Adam Carolla]

Casino from 1995. What? I say good fellas. Yes, sir. Ah. He was from New York.

[Brian Bishop]

I thought he was from Kansas City in them.

[Dana Gould]

It's the same movie.

[Gina Grad]

There were mobsters in Kansas City.

[Adam Carolla]

I meant casino. Do I get half a point for meaning something that didn't come out of my mouth.

[Bill Simmons]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. All right. The owner of a gym and an overbearing entrepreneur. Turn. Dodgeball teams. Dan.

[Brian Bishop]

Dodgeball.

[Adam Carolla]

Dan. That's too easy for you, Brian. Dan. Oh, is it Dodgeball. I'm giving that one to Dan. Dodgeball took place in Vegas. Yeah. Final.

[Brian Bishop]

The finals.

[Adam Carolla]

Did.

[Dana Gould]

The final.

[Brian Bishop]

Tournament did.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, the final turn. Remember the.

[Brian Bishop]

The thing fell on Rip Torn. He got crushed by. By the thing in the casino. The Lucky o' Shea's or whatever.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, whatever. All right. Oh, I see it ended up there. A sec. Two long reigning kings of Las Vegas Magic. Brian. Oh.

[Brian Bishop]

The Incredible Burt Wonderstone for the win from 2013.

[Adam Carolla]

The incredible Burt Wonderstone. I used to be good at that game. Tune in for more totally topical Tebow trivia time tomorrow or Tuesday. Hey, Dawson. From this point on, the topics will be limited to porn. Adam returned, okay. When he was working construction. All right. Porn. That's all. That's as far as we stray. All right, I gotta get back on the fucking board here.

[Brian Bishop]

See Adam for a list of movies.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. All right, let's see. We got some news to do. Dan's. Dan's got some singing to do. All right, let's do some news. Gina grad. Give me the news with crab. News with Gina Grad. Showbiz Congress Tech news, Sports news, World news. Give me news with Gina Grad. Whip shit out of Florida. Sex surveys. Obama meet. News with Gina. Gina. The news with Gina Grad.

[Gina Grad]

Well, a music festival in Denmark is taking the idea of recycling to a new level by using urine to make beer. The process is called beer cycling, and it's actually not as bad as it sounds. The festival, which ended last week, captures the urine of all the festival goers and then ships it out to farmers who use it to fertilize the barley. And that same barley will be used to brew the beer for the 2017 festival.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, hold on. White people. Cool your jets. White people. This is just a white guy. Yeah, this is just.

[Gina Grad]

I mean, they're Danish.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. This is like, who can be the whitest, right?

[Brian Bishop]

Does urine sterilize? I mean, does urine, like, feed crops?

[Adam Carolla]

Let me tell you something about urine. As a guy who's been on the losing end of a lot of urine.

[Brian Bishop]

A lot.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a pretty frequent occurrence for me to get pissed on by my friends in high school and well beyond, I might add. Fuck it. My buddy, actually, on my 10th high school reunion, Ray pissed on me. And I was just standing next to my buddy Ray. Like, we're like, we're in a nice place, like the old Spaghetti Factory or something for our 10 year old high school reunion. And I was right at, you know, I was like 28. Other people were like attorneys and doctors and shit like that. And I was still trying to make it as a comedian. I was like, hey, I'm at the Acme Theater doing sketch comedy. And I was feeling very dejected because the 10 years a bitch. When you've really done nothing in the last decade and the majority of people.

[Brian Bishop]

At 10 years haven't done much.

[Adam Carolla]

What's that?

[Brian Bishop]

The majority of people showing up at 10 years haven't done much. There's a couple guys I always like.

[Adam Carolla]

Brian, because he comes in and he takes my point and he. No, wait a minute, he does the exact opposite. They've usually, look, if they went to college, they usually at least graduated college. If they had their sight set on something professional, they've usually achieved it or they're at least fucking working for their dad's like unfinished furniture business. Like any. I wasn't doing shit. I was, I was taking groundlings classes and you know, putting up fencing like during, during the day. Yeah, I mean people, they haven't launched their own businesses, but the people that were going to be lawyers or were going to be doctors were pretty close at that, at that point. And, and, and, and, or lawyers or doctors. And then there was just me and Ray at the end of the night and we're standing by the urinals and I was like wearing a suit I borrowed from somebody. And at a certain point Ray just turned and started pissing on me. And I said, really Ray? And you know what he said? He said, old times. Wow. And I had to kind of give it to him. Like, we're at the reunion and you pissed on me when we were in high school. So here we are, full circle, full circle. Hakuna matata. All over the fucking side of my jeans. Yeah, the urine thing. Now I can tell you this, my buddy John had a bedroom that had like a French door that led out to the backyard. And when we drink beer over at his house, we never wanted to make the pilgrimage to the actual bathroom. So we do a lot of like just standing out by the French door, you know, just sort of whizzing out in the backyard. He had like a ficus plant there and it literally carved a half circle. It took a bite. I mean the piss eventually just killed half the tree. Like you could see exactly where we were pissing because that's where the ficus Was dead. So.

[Dana Gould]

Same same thing happened out of the western window of the Oval Office. If you ever see. Yes, a big speech.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So I don't know what you. I don't know why farmers want this acidic to dump on their barley, but it's a killer, man.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, it seems counterintuitive now if it was, that would actually make sense, but it would be way more offensive.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me tell you a story. Said before, urine is sterile. Right. And that changed everything for you. Well, yeah, Dr. Drew did tell me urine was sterile and that did open up a lot of doors. Cuz you're a sink pisser a lot of. Now if your friend pissed. I was a sink pisser. Yeah. And I still am to some degree. But I. I fucked up and I got a bathroom.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I know it's tough.

[Adam Carolla]

I bought a new vanity for my master bathroom. Where the sink. Some Nazi war scientist, some Dr. Mengele set the sink back longer than whatever my. It's like he came in and measured my cock and then went there. Okay, we'll put an extra inch back. Lynette requested that. Yeah, it's out. It's a. It's a little out of range for me. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Just go to Denmark next year and do that.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Brian Bishop]

Have you ever. Have you compensated by peeing more outside? Because peeing outside is wonderful.

[Adam Carolla]

Peeing outside is awesome. We have any homeowners here tonight? I say it frequently, but please wait. Wait till the sun goes down. But don't once a month just fucking step out and just take a nice piss on the front lawn. It's nothing says home ownership more than pissing on your own terra firma, man.

[Dana Gould]

Or if you're just an apartment dweller that loves action. If your friend pissed on you at your 10 year high school reunion, did you give a lot of thought to the 25th?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. Yeah. There could be more pee flying my way.

[Dana Gould]

Or he might up the ante.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I. I will say I want.

[Dana Gould]

To roll the dice on that.

[Adam Carolla]

Word of the word to the wise. If you do a lot of bathrobe pissing, be careful for the. For the sash tie, which will oftentimes sort of lay down and you think you're just taking a nice old piss, you're really pissing up your own rope. Yeah, right. Later then, when it's time to tie it again, it's very uncomfortable. And. And also there's a certain humiliation along with knowing you just essentially pissed all over your bathrobe. Yes. Can I. Can I.

[Gina Grad]

The more, you know, pissing story.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Gina Grad]

So last summer, a couple of my girlfriends and I were swimming at house.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

We were swimming at someone's house naked.

[Adam Carolla]

Uhhuh. And the.

[Gina Grad]

The booze were flowing and the whatever was flow. Whatever. And I look up and a gorgeous, tall, statuesque friend of mine, I just saw her, the back of her standing and a full arch coming from her, really. And I just couldn't figure it out. And I thought maybe there was more to her than.

[Adam Carolla]

I assume the position that you. That she was basically in or Dan can do it for you if I don't want to get sued. But I'm so. She was leaning back.

[Gina Grad]

And I thought we were going to have like a real heart to heart about this. Turns out she just hasn't tilted pelvis and can piss like a dude.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Gina Grad]

It was fascinating.

[Adam Carolla]

What a gift. And we would.

[Dana Gould]

We would be remiss if we did not mention tilted pelvis is playing in.

[Adam Carolla]

This very room after this stick around.

[Dana Gould]

With piss like a dude.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Dan may jam with them tonight. I. I don't know. I don't know anything about female whiz. And when I. He used to take my daughter and my son like, up for like a hike up in the canyon and they would go up to the hills and everything. And at a certain point my daughter would just go, I gotta take a whiz. And I'd go like, all right. I'd try to like stand her up on something and get her like, lean. And it just wherever her. It just all it shoot out. First off, the intensity. Yeah. Holy. You women, you don't. You don't give yourself your due when it comes out, like with a ferocity. I mean, there is a inner. There is a core strength that women have that guys. I mean, guys like. First off, there's a three Mississippi before I start. And then it usually starts with, you know, Neptune's true trident. You know, it's. Or pickle fork or something. And then. And then at the end, there's like six salvos that. That are separate. You know, like bloom. Bloom women. You guys are like one of those C130 airplanes that's on a forest fire, man. Just, boom. You just dump. You dump urine. You jump it.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Now there. It's impressive. I don't. And it's not something you guys brag about enough.

[Dana Gould]

I think there is an invention.

[Adam Carolla]

There's a handful of German guys are really into it.

[Dana Gould]

There's an invention for.

[Adam Carolla]

We're looking at a picture of a perfume. But is it that.

[Gina Grad]

It does come out like flame.

[Brian Bishop]

Or to be.

[Dana Gould]

I don't know. I don't know the name of it, but there's an invention for female hikers where they. It's like a reverse funnel where they. Lady. Lady Jane.

[Adam Carolla]

You put.

[Dana Gould]

It's a cup over your vagina and it makes. It organizes it into beer into an ipa.

[Gina Grad]

But, Dana, can I tell you, all.

[Dana Gould]

I know is about. This is on the day the guy brought it to the patent office, he heard this.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Dana Gould]

What is it again?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

And he's driving down thinking some guy invented chemotherapy.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Right.

[Dana Gould]

I nailed this.

[Gina Grad]

So can I tell you something really quick about that? We tried it on the morning show.

[Adam Carolla]

The funnel. The funnel.

[Gina Grad]

It is not a no mus, no fuss situation.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Gina Grad]

So don't get cocky.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, cocky. The. The final thing. Or the. The.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, the.

[Adam Carolla]

The trough or whatever. Whatever I look at as more of a drip tray. But anyway. Sorry. How is. Is everyone done eating? First off, here's how little I know about lady parts for at least the first 38 years of my life. I thought you couldn't piss with a tampon in.

[Brian Bishop]

Don't lie.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I couldn't. Is that.

[Brian Bishop]

That's kind of.

[Adam Carolla]

That's. That's. I know it's one of those. I. It sounds stupid, but I thought. I didn't know that. Can you not. It does not sound stupid.

[Gina Grad]

Cork.

[Dana Gould]

For the first.

[Sean White]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, no, I have to say that.

[Dana Gould]

For the first 50 years of mine, that concept never occurred to me.

[Adam Carolla]

Really thought of it once.

[Sean White]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

No, you never thought about it.

[Dana Gould]

That's the definition of that's your business.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, so. But is there an etiquette? I mean, when you do. What's the string do? Where's the string go? Where's the rip cord? Where's it go? You tuck it in.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. All right.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Okay.

[Davis Leduc]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

You. At least you. Now, what about your friend with the Tilted?

[Gina Grad]

Not everybody was born under a lucky.

[Adam Carolla]

Star, but, I mean, does she. What she have to do with that string? Throw it over her shoulder like a Continental soldier. What does she do with this? She go backside with the string.

[Gina Grad]

Really?

[Adam Carolla]

Good question.

[Gina Grad]

I will find out.

[Adam Carolla]

I'd like to know. I'd like to meet this young lady and really barely get to the bottom of this. Then it's like the terry cloth rope thing with the. Yeah. It's her cross to bear.

[Dana Gould]

We've all got problems.

[Adam Carolla]

We've all. That's right. Even the statuesque ones with the tilted pelvis. You think, you know, she was born under a lucky Cloud or something.

[Brian Bishop]

But no, we rehearsed this earlier.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, sorry. All right. All right.

[Brian Bishop]

That was Adam Colishow, 1615. Coming up next, we have Adam Kishow, 1331, Shaun White, Davis Leduc, Allison Rosen and Brian Bishop. In 2014, the birth of a Drop.

[Adam Carolla]

Shaun White, Davis Leduc, the band is Bad Things. Good to see you guys.

[Sean White]

Thanks for having us.

[Adam Carolla]

We will hear something off the album. Well, what was that? That we're just hearing off the album.

[Davis Leduc]

That's a song called Anybody.

[Adam Carolla]

And what brought you guys together? I mean, Sean and I, everyone knows you from snowboarding and X Games and Olympics and all that kind of stuff. But how'd you get hooked up with Davis?

[Sean White]

You know, it's pretty funny. I actually won a guitar in a snowboard contest and I just got hooked on playing and I made friends in the neighborhood and started making music with those friends. And then I moved up to Los Angeles and met Davis basically through friends.

[Adam Carolla]

When did you win the guitar? It must have been pretty early on in your career, right? Sixteen.

[Sean White]

Yeah. And then I got like hooked on playing.

[Adam Carolla]

Everyone who wins anything just immediately puts it on ebay. I should have because some guy wins, you know, like Eli Manning is MVP of the super bowl and he gets a Pontiac Fiero and then he's not going to drive that piece of shit. He sells it on ebay and writes off the tax or gives it to his sister in law. But you actually played the thing you won?

[Sean White]

Well, I won it same day I won. It was the athlete of the X Games. And I won a guitar and a car. So I. Wow. I didn't really give a shit about the guitar at that point. I was like, I got a car. And so I remember it stayed under a friend of mine's bed for like two years or so because I just forgot about it. He brought it home. I was a kid making moves. Sure Wasn't really thinking him through. And so this friend of mine was holding on to it for me and everybody around me started to play. And I remember like, wait, I have a guitar. But I would play it in secret though, because it was like bright yellow and like had, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Sean White]

It's most extreme on it, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Like the worst sure scenario. So yeah, there should be a thing because one time Mike's Hard Lemonade gave me a custom like Harley chopper.

[Sean White]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

But it was most obnoxious thing on the fucking planet you didn't cherish. Wouldn't fit under my friend's bed. Okay. But it was like every time I rode Around. I wanted to have a windbreaker going. I'm not a dick. Somebody gave me this. I wouldn't go buy this at night. It was yellow and it had thunderbolts and shit on it.

[Brian Bishop]

So long as it fit on a windbreaker.

[Sean White]

It was a nice guitar. It was American made. Fender Strat. I was like, this thing's pretty sick. But it was bright yellow. Yeah, it's aggressive.

[Adam Carolla]

This bike was bright yellow, too. Somebody should say to these people, look, if you really want the celebrity to ride, be seen with it. Don't make it quite so obnoxious because it seems like a real douche move.

[Sean White]

Glad you feel my pain.

[Adam Carolla]

I feel your pain. You should jump on the back of the hog with the guitar and we'll tool around town.

[Sean White]

And they couldn't paint it because it was a trophy. So you gotta. I get, you know, like.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Sean White]

I can't destroy.

[Adam Carolla]

No, listen. You people don't know what suffering is until you've won a free Harley or electric guitar. Free Strat had to play that. It's the front of people.

[Sean White]

First time.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, man, these people in these third world nations right there, I don't have enough clean water. They don't know what it's like to suffer.

[Davis Leduc]

The young American kids that just win those little shitty gold trophies.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, like me. That's. That's my son. So you learned to play the prize guitar?

[Sean White]

Yeah, just by going online.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank Christ you didn't get an accordion. It would have sucked for the band. I would have played for Glockenspiel or something. So you get the guitar, you learn how to play the guitar, you hook up with Davis. Yeah, and.

[Sean White]

Yeah, I mean, it basically started making music and got some interest from one of these head guys at Warner Brothers Records, and they came to my garage and listened to us play. But that's why I say. I mean, Davis really gave life to the project because, you know, having that lead front man and singer, and he's been in other bands before, and it really, you know, collaborative sound came out of it. So that's when we really kind of.

[Adam Carolla]

Davis, where'd you win your microphone back in the day? Did you have to buy your own equipment with the little people?

[Davis Leduc]

Oh, man, I don't think I even sang through a microphone until I was like 12 or 13.

[Adam Carolla]

And. And did you guys. Did. Is there any X, Gamey, Olympic, any kind of crossover, anything here, or. You guys just met in the music scene?

[Davis Leduc]

I broke my arm when I was 16 on a skateboard. All right, that's close enough.

[Adam Carolla]

That's close enough. And I feel like the snowboard is almost tailor made for air guitar. It may replace the tennis racket as the number one thing that teens play is an air guitar.

[Sean White]

People are rocking out with the rackets.

[Adam Carolla]

They used to rock with the racket. Yeah, they used to play the guys.

[Brian Bishop]

We all rocked the rackets.

[Adam Carolla]

They rocked the rackets.

[Davis Leduc]

Yeah, whatever those things are called.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So you guys. So how long has the band been together?

[Sean White]

I mean, the original group, I guess we've been playing together for like five years. And then Davis joined in for the last two years of that. But I mean, the whole process of actually making an album, I mean, I don't know, I mean, obviously coming from a different sport and what I'm known for, I mean, I felt like it was much better to make a complete thought, have an entire record, you know, a complete album made, because I didn't want to have like a four song demo and be like, this is what I'm thinking about doing and then get all the scrutiny and all that without even being able to put out an album. And so we just kind of went, here it is, here's a complete thought. And you know, like it or not.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, I was thinking about it where you go, well, this guy's an actor or this guy's an athlete or this guy's a whatever, so he can't be in a band, or the band has to suck or whatever it is. But then I thought, well, why not? I mean, you're more disciplined than the average guy. I mean, you certainly know about, I mean, music and instruments about repetition, it's about discipline, it's about practice. And certainly coming from your background, it's all just about repetition and practice and discipline. And I imagine you would take that same mindset and just bring it onto the stage.

[Sean White]

I mean, I don't know my track record, I guess you could say, oh, sorry, you know, I don't. I don't really tend to half ass things. I mean, I'm like, that's what I'm saying. And that's what guitar was for me in the beginning. I mean, I literally was like, why can't I be the best at this? And that's like, I went down that path and then I. I remember seeing like Song Remains the Same. The Led Zeppelin.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Sean White]

I don't know, I don't think you'd call it a documentary.

[Adam Carolla]

It's concert rockumentary. Yeah, exactly.

[Sean White]

There you go, there you go. And I was like, well, that's not gonna happen. I remember. But it was humbling in that same sense, because the first song I learned was Seven Nation army by the White Stripes. And I was just thinking, shit, this is the most simple. It's on one string and it's such a popular song. And it dawned on me that music isn't really about winning. It's all opinions and it's all kind of just creating. And that's when I. It was a humbling experience because I finally came to terms with like, okay, I'm not gonna be the best at this, but that's okay. You know, when you're a kid. I was 16 or something. I was like, I'm going to win at everything. And I was in the sporting world. And so I was like, why not in guitar? Because that's how it seemed in my mind. But as I went down that road, it's really nice that a band is collaborative.

[Adam Carolla]

The album is available on itunes and Amazon. And then you guys are going to go out and tour coming up this summer. Well, at least June 25th, June 26th. 30 seconds to Mars.

[Sean White]

Another band with a crossover.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And let's see, we got a track to play and then what's going on with the half pipes and snowboards and verts and ramps and skateboards and all that kind of stuff?

[Sean White]

Yeah, I mean, I'm taking a little breather right now. Everybody kind of hyped up that I was retiring for some reason. I don't know where that came from. It was more like, NBC's gonna like break this sort of story. Or that was the, like something they're running with because I'm 27 and there was like a 14 year old or 15 year old that was at the last Olympics. So they're like, oh, look, he's twice older guy. You know, he's gonna be done. And I, I don't even see that in the slightest. Like, I was just in Austria, not competing, but shooting, learning new tricks and things. So I'll continue to, to do the sporting stuff. But I mean, this is such a passion of mine that I'm going to continue to pursue music, especially with Davis and the whole. It's, it's, it's the group together, you know, so we'll be going to Europe, we're going to be playing. We'll be playing on the east coast with this band, Phantogram, who's really great, but you. What you wanted to hear about Sochi.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Was it, was it what everyone made it out to? There's a lot of, you know, stuff Going on here about how we're trapped in bathrooms.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, people did.

[Sean White]

Somebody got trapped in a bathroom. I saw that was true. There's not much to say. I mean, it was the only time the Olympics ever kind of lived up to a bit of the hype.

[Davis Leduc]

He was locked in a bath.

[Sean White]

He was locked in a bath. There's a guy that got locked in a bathroom, and he had to, like, brick his way out of it. He literally tore a hole through the door.

[Davis Leduc]

Was it an Olympian or was it just a Roman?

[Sean White]

He must have been, because what average human being could do such things?

[Adam Carolla]

He was a. I think it was like a luge or toboggan guy. You know what I mean? Yeah. It couldn't. It was not ice dancing. It was one of the more manlier. Manlier sports. And he just tore. He just tore apart the. The door. That's what I'm saying. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Hey, as a former carpenter, that's a pretty shoddy door.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, it's called. That's called a hollow core door. It's not a solid corridor, and that's just a bunch of, like, honeycombed cardboard that's inside. Still, as the first person that walked up on the bathroom, the door blown off, you're like, someone ate Mexican. Easy, easy chat. What was that? Navy beans and pinto beans and Pepsi. What did this? What's the culprit here? Yeah, you can hold some borscht. Like, what's going on here? Yeah, I just. I think that was more. He probably could have worked it out, but I think he probably just got angry at the door.

[Sean White]

One of my favorite things is because, like, you know, in order to do the music with these guys, they have to come up and hang with me at the mountain, you know, it's the only way it's gonna get done. We're riding the album. After I've been riding for three hours, we come down, and then the music starts, and these guys. You know, Davis grew up in Van Nuys, you know, but you put him. You put him in the mountains, and he's just like. I mean, you. He had to get cigarettes one day, and that was probably.

[Davis Leduc]

There's like a sort of a snowstorm, and I had to walk a mile to the next 7 11, but they're.

[Sean White]

Bundled up like they're.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well.

[Sean White]

Touring Alaska.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, poor Davis grew up in Van Nuys.

[Sean White]

I know.

[Adam Carolla]

City.

[Sean White]

City boy.

[Adam Carolla]

I grew up in North Hollywood, so I feel your pain. The good part. The way these districts. Yeah. My dad. My dad's first house after they got divorced. Was on Laurel and Oxnard.

[Davis Leduc]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

On Vantage street. Bought it for $15,000 in the 70s area.

[Davis Leduc]

In the world. It's not Compton, but.

[Adam Carolla]

No, but it's. It's even. It's weird because you trade in the random gunfire of gang bangers for super boring architecture. It may not look as damaging. Well, psychologically. Well, not everyone gets hit in a drive by just because you grew up in Compton. What I'm saying is like, it's devoid of culture or architecture or anything. Like everything is bad. Sponge stucco with aluminum sliding windows and a flat roof with rocks on it. It's just weird. Like there's just no culture when you go into like formally when you go like, oh, it's the south side of Chicago. It's a bad part of the. But at least architecture's something from the turn of the century or something. North highway is just shitty 7 11. Mini Van Nuys. Just mini malls with zero.

[Sean White]

And you park your yellow Harley there and it's just neighborhood.

[Davis Leduc]

So many yellow Harleys now.

[Adam Carolla]

Where in Van Nuys did you grow up?

[Davis Leduc]

It was like Sepulveda and Van Owen or something. Just the asshole of Van Nuys, you know? Actually, Van Nuys now, I guess, is Sherman Oaks. Right there isn't like Van Nuys.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, at a certain point, North Hollywood decided to call themselves Valley Village and Van Nuys decided to call themselves Sherman Oaks or something because they're tired of the stigma of the piece of shit that they created for themselves. Now, one good thing about Sepulveda and Van Owen is you're near Dr. Hogly Woggly's Tyler Texas Barbecue. And that's all I can say. The rib joint. That's right. That's the only good news about that entire place. You're right next to barbecue sauce lining a good rib joint. Very good rib joint.

[Davis Leduc]

That's still there.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yes.

[Davis Leduc]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

You'll know. I'll chain myself to fucking bulldozer if we're going to take it out.

[Davis Leduc]

When I could get out of the Valley, I got out pretty quick.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Davis Leduc]

Turn into a black hole.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, if you have to go back, I'll go back. Yeah, go to Dr. Hoggly Woggles. Now I have to ask a question. You have tattoos on your eyelids.

[Davis Leduc]

I do.

[Adam Carolla]

What does it say?

[Gina Grad]

And did it hurt?

[Davis Leduc]

It hurt extremely bad. And it says, dearest doomed, of course. I actually heard you guys talking about tattoos and I was laughing because.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, was that today? Jeez, I can't remember which show. Yeah, it sounds incredibly painful.

[Davis Leduc]

It was, yeah. I mean, why? I don't really know anymore.

[Adam Carolla]

Cause we can't see it. Well, yeah.

[Gina Grad]

I mean, only a tiny bit.

[Davis Leduc]

It's. I think, for me, it's more so just the fact, I guess, of pushing myself to do things that I guess someone shouldn't normally do.

[Brian Bishop]

Even though some guys, like 720 on a snowboard.

[Davis Leduc]

Right, Exactly, Exactly. Some people fly through the air, and some people like to be stuck with needles, I guess. I don't know.

[Sean White]

He came over to my house. I swear to God. It was like. He's like, hey, I gotta go pick up something at home. And it was like a day or something.

[Adam Carolla]

Like a day.

[Sean White]

Had I left you alone for like a day, maybe six hours, and he shows up like this?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. What did you. Oh, my. You left him unsupervised? He just.

[Sean White]

He's, like, making coffee at my house.

[Adam Carolla]

And he's just like, yolo, man.

[Sean White]

You fucking yolo.

[Adam Carolla]

He's just like, no, yolo. No yolo. Yolo.

[Davis Leduc]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Just. Y O l. The person hesitant to do it.

[Davis Leduc]

Yeah, he was. He was a little bit intimidated to do it because he's like, oh, I've never done it, but I'm really excited to do it.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Davis Leduc]

Just in having it.

[Adam Carolla]

You want the cellmate, though. You want one who's sort of conscientious and worried about your safety. You know, you need to be able.

[Davis Leduc]

To trust each other.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. No. So to get tattoos on your eyelids, you must have to slide a spoon under there. Right? I was just.

[Davis Leduc]

I was just gonna say he. Basically, all he did was hold my eyelid down as.

[Adam Carolla]

Get all up in that mic.

[Davis Leduc]

Oh, sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Davis Leduc]

Hold his. Hold my eyelid down as hard as he could. And, I mean, you imagine you touch your eyelid a little bit and it. And it moves quite a bit.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Davis Leduc]

So it was just uncomfortable and just a struggle, but it wasn't long. You know, it's quick. It's a small area, but.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I feel like anything involving your eyeballs and needles doesn't. Time doesn't fly by.

[Davis Leduc]

I feel like it hurt a little bit more because it was on my eyelids. Obviously, though, because it's so close to your eyeball and you'd assume, you know, the needle is going like that.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. What do you think would have happened if an optometrist had walked in at that moment? Do you think he never would have stopped vomiting? Because I feel like he'd be disgusted with this behavior.

[Davis Leduc]

He would have probably murdered the guy.

[Sean White]

I guess he would have said, yolo.

[Adam Carolla]

All Right. Yeah.

[Davis Leduc]

To each his own, I guess.

[Adam Carolla]

We. No, no. They're optometrists are not nearly that open. Mind. Needles and eyeballs.

[Dana Gould]

Yolo man.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, here, a cut from the almond. One second. First STP complete. Fuel system cleaner. You need a bottle of this stuff, man. Yolo man. You could put it in if Mike's hard lemonade gives you free Harley, you could go ahead and just dump a bottle of that in the tank. Yolo man. Takes care of p. Yolo man. All right, let's hear something. Oh, let's hear. We're hearing Caught inside.

[Sean White]

Yeah, let's do it.

[Adam Carolla]

Reach inside your mind? Cause we don't ask for much Dream, it's a beautiful sleep? And we don't ask for much at all? It's heavy on my heart? When you gonna start? It's another caught in between all the lies you run? You're spun around? Why did you wait so long? When were you planning on sa that you are after it all alone? Who says you need to plan it all? You have it all we have it all Caught inside and real coincide with the field Step outside before the dawn before you're gone. Somebody's road to Rome is another man's home. A dream you hold, you hold too close too close for comfort did you wait so long? When were you planning on sailing? That you are after it all alone? Who says you need a planet? All you had it all we had it all Caught inside and real coincide with the freedom Step outside before the before you're on one make it all bigger why make it all why make it all bigger? Why make it all caught inside every side with the. Before the door before you're gone Inside getting real co Inside with the fe.

[Dana Gould]

Step outside before the d. Before your.

[Adam Carolla]

Bad things is the name of the band's also the name of the album and that is Caught inside. It sounded great. Do you. And by the way, I should tell people that badthings.com is where you go if you want to find out.

[Davis Leduc]

It's actually.net we're not that sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

BadThings.net is where you go if you want to find out where they're touring. Coming to a town near you, Sean. So do you get. Obviously you kind of grow up in a half pipe and there's butterflies around the Olympics and performing and stuff like that. But stepping out on stage, different. More butterflies. Something you're not as used to.

[Sean White]

I mean, it feels as. Just as intense, but it's kind of. It lasts longer.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean?

[Sean White]

Because you Got to play a whole set. So, I mean, if you can imagine a half pipe runs only, you know, a couple seconds. No, not a couple seconds. But, you know, it's six hits going downhill. So it doesn't really last as long as, like, being on stage and performing. But I remember for our first show, the biggest difference was I was sitting there like, okay, I gotta do this. And everybody looked at me funny like, no, we got do this. We all have to have, you know, everybody has to come together to have a great show. And I think that that's kind of like one of the important parts and the hardest part.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I mean, you do an individual sport.

[Sean White]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And there's team sports and then there's individual sports. And you can see that mentality. Whereas, I guess a band is a team sport and half pipes, individual sports. So you got to get that out of your head. It's tough.

[Sean White]

You want to, like, control it all. But this has been one of those things where I've had to let go a lot. I mean, that's what I'm probably the most proud of. When you hear the album, I mean, that last song that played is truly what we create together. I mean, our drummer Lena, singing the extra kind of female voice in there, that's her singing with Davis. And it's all. You know what I mean? It's a collaborative sound. I mean, where if it was just me, it would be all guitar heavy, you know, because that's what I like to play and do. But I think that's what's cool about the band is it truly is collaborative. You know, everybody has to work together. And it's. It's the best and worst thing, at least for. For me.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you have to ratchet down your intensity because you're dealing with drug addicts? Well, what I'm saying is, how did you know that? No, I guess what I don't mean drug addict junkies. I just mean. Sean, you got current users. No, what I'm saying is, is you come from a place of being like repetition, hard on yourself. Fucking get up early and do it and work it until you get it right. Yolo, man. From the guys. The guys I know in bands are a little more laid back and a little less. A little more, let's have a beer and talk about it. And a little less like, let's do another one and get yourself up, dust yourself off and get at it again. Like you. Obviously what you do, you have to be very intense and very repetitious.

[Sean White]

No, for sure. I mean, I Think that's. That's probably a big quality that I bring to the group. I mean, I.

[Adam Carolla]

No, absolutely.

[Davis Leduc]

I mean, that's a. I mean, it's a great point. The point. The fact of the matter is, is that he's a professional athlete, and I've always envied athletes. I'm a big Lakers fan, so I grew up watching Kobe Bryant play, and, you know, dude is just about winning and.

[Adam Carolla]

Intensity.

[Davis Leduc]

Intensity. Exactly. And, like, so when I met someone like Sean and Kobe Bryant, you know, Michael Jordan, all these big, intense athletes, it inspired me to sort of step it up a little bit more and take it. Look at it in a different way, because, you know, like you said, I mean, it's. It's being a musician. It's not the most, like, difficult and intense thing because, you know, it's an art form, so you can't really force it much.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but makes sense. Well, I always feel like in rehearsal, like, you do it three times and go, yeah, we got the gist of this one. Let's move on in the next one. But the guy. But Kobe Bryant would say, let's do it 10 more times, and then do it twice. Backwards.

[Davis Leduc]

Exactly. It's total. That's totally how it is.

[Adam Carolla]

But.

[Davis Leduc]

But the good thing about it is, is that it's almost made us all that way, right to where it's. Now you're dealing with six, but five people that are all sort of have this intensity to it. But I also think that's what can make or break a good band.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean. Yeah.

[Sean White]

And I like to. I mean, just because I'm in the group doesn't mean we're, you know, have it made in the sun. I mean, we got to work almost extra hard to, like, win people over, that. It's like a comedian, you know, if you're going for stand up, I do the same. I walk in there, like, make me laugh because.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Sean White]

You know what I mean? And you got to win those people over. And it's like, maybe we get more listens than we would if I wasn't in the group. You know what I'm saying? But they're extra hard listens. People are waiting for mistakes or waiting to just kind of tear it down because like you said earlier, like, oh, it's gotta be this way because that guy's in the group. I mean, people have a preconceived notion of what it's gonna sound like.

[Adam Carolla]

We just don't. I mean, as Americans, it's weird because I wonder if this is it's that way in Japan and Asia, where you're like, oh, well, sure, the guy's a great sumo wrestler, but can he do interpretive dance or can he snowboard or can he. Whatever. Like, we're very weary of like celebrities doing anything other than what we'll allow them to do. Which is weird because first off, the guys weary of people getting a free pass is what it is, right? Yeah, but we don't. It's that. But there's also this thing is like, Keanu Reeves wants to do what? It's like, he better be acting in this movie that I've decided he can act in. Otherwise, fuck that. And it's weird because they're creative people in the first place. They're in the arts, so to speak. It's pretty easy. Be easier transition from doing that than being a roofer and being in a band. But we're very particular about, like, who will let. And you know, we've been burned by the Bacon brothers. So we trusted the Bacon brothers. They weren't that bad. They burned us. No, it's weird.

[Sean White]

That's really funny you bring them up. Because I remember. I mean, to be completely honest, in this whole scenario, I remember telling my brother, I'm like, I think I'm gonna do a band. I think I love playing. I'm dedicated. I've been breaking my fingers learning how to play this thing. And I think we have a good sound with my friends. And he's like, will you be Kevin Bacon? Is exactly what he said to me. And at that point I was like, all right, now I have to do it, because, you know, he insulted me. You know what I mean? He told me I couldn't do it. And I was like, all right, well, that's, you know, he kind of motivates me with this negative sort of like, same with snowboarding. It was like a no future sport. And I was just like, I gotta make it because there's no other way. I know I've already been successful in one area, but I'm not like a golfer and trying to like, all right, now I'm gonna go be on stage. It's very linked music and my sports, but I feel like, I don't know, I don't feel like it's too strange of a departure.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, again, everything is about, you know, talent versus just discipline, repetition. Yeah. I mean, obviously when you were born, you weren't born with the ability to snowboard. You took to it, you pushed it. You have some things inherent that you need for that Sport, good sense of balance. And that's half the other guys in the schoolyard, too. But you pushed it and you stuck with it.

[Sean White]

It's not my solo album. I mean, this guy's got tattoos on his eyelids. I mean, everybody.

[Davis Leduc]

He's a. I don't have another choice.

[Adam Carolla]

Like everyone else.

[Sean White]

I mean, it's not just me out there. And I think that that's what shows through at the live performances and stuff. It's not me silhouetted in the fog at my ankles. You know what I mean? It's like it's a group.

[Adam Carolla]

We spoke about.

[Sean White]

You mentioned Jared Leto. I mean, like, I think that guy had the hardest sell in the world to be the lead singer, to be the focal point. I mean, it's a very. Not that he's conceited, but it's a very tough sell to be the focal point of the band. And, you know, I'm glad that I play guitar.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's a weird thing because if you go, you know, someone hands you a tambourine, then you just kind of become Linda McCartney or something. And everyone's like, okay, that's out there, because Paul's behind the piano or the bass guitar or whatever. But then if you push yourself up front, then it's like, oh, guess who's got to front the band? But I'd say lead guitars, you know.

[Sean White]

What I. Lukewarm water here.

[Davis Leduc]

Interesting is that, like. Say, like, you know how Mick Jagger sort of had a bit of an acting career. David Bowie had a bit of an acting career.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Davis Leduc]

That's what's confusing to me is that, like, if it's vice versa, there's no problem. David Bowie acting is. That's not a problem.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Man who Fell to Earth and God knows. Labyrinth. Labyrinth it is.

[Sean White]

In the Prestige.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Even Sting, we didn't have an issue with.

[Teresa Strasser]

You know, it is.

[Gina Grad]

I think that when we get to know people.

[Adam Carolla]

Our theory. When we get to know people as actors, we assume they don't have much substance or authenticity because they're performing other people's words. So then when all of a sudden they are in front of band, which is supposed to be steeped in authenticity, it doesn't ring true. Whereas the other way around, we're more okay with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Davis Leduc]

That totally makes sense.

[Adam Carolla]

Either way, I think times are a.

[Sean White]

Changing, though, which is pretty cool. I mean, like 30 seconds to Mars and, I mean, it's very inspiring to see something like that being in this position.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I think the, you know, back in the day, I Don't know what the studies were, but turn of the century, you had one job and then you retired, and then you died when you were 48, and that was that. The average person now will have, like eight jobs in, like, real jobs in their life. And then your kid's going to have, you know, 200 jobs. Like, there's no just wear one hat anymore. Like, dads used to just go to work at the postal sorting service, and they just go there all day every day, and then they'd get their lunch pail and they'd come home, you know, and that was. Or, you know, you were a schoolteacher, and that's what you did from 22 to 71. And then you retire, they give you a watch. Like, now everyone is just fucking going Elon Musk on everyone's ass. Like, they're just inventing something, doing something else that I, you know, maybe it's the Internet, maybe it's computers, maybe it's just seeing other people do it, maybe it's living longer, but everyone's just going, I did this. Now I want to go do something else. And I think it's kind of. Kind of cool.

[Sean White]

I was just like, fuck, man, Global warming. I better get a hot job. Last me the.

[Adam Carolla]

It's all gonna melt through the summer.

[Sean White]

The long, long summer.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's see. So bad things and it's.netbadthings.net is where you go if you want to find out about the album, if you want to find out about tours and dates and when they're coming and where they're playing and anything to do with the band. Is there anyone else I'm missing? I think that'll about COVID it. Sean Davis, thank you guys so much for coming in.

[Sean White]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

Slice of Heaven. Until next time, it's Adam Corolla for Sean and Davis and Allison and Ball Bryan saying mahalo. Yolo, man.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, that's Adam Colishow, 1331. Coming up next, we have Adam Colishau, 78. This is Bill Simmons from 2009. This is the episode that sparked a little bit of the fallout from espn.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, get it on, Gotta get it on. No choice but to get it on. Welcome to the podcast and welcome back ESPN sports guy Bill Simmons, everybody.

[Bill Simmons]

I like what you've done to the studio.

[Adam Carolla]

It looks nice, doesn't it?

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah, it's like you got. You got a Playboy and you got a Los Angeles magazine and Esquire. I feel like I'm at the barbershop. I feel like I'm waiting to get my hair cut.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, the best part about that barber shop is, I don't know if you guys. Well, now they're bringing back the old school ones. But my old barber, he died. But he had the strap and the straight edge, and he had the foam dispenser. And not the foam dispenser where you put the can in and it heats the can, but the kind that makes its own foam, like from the 40s, cast out of a big chunk of aluminum. And you'd put, like, soap in it, and you'd plug it in, and he'd do the thing, and it come out on his hand and be hot. It like. It's like he just got done beating off. And he'd rub it on the back of my neck. And then he'd take the belt out in the straight razor, and you'd hear that, and it felt. It was like. It was so nice on the back of the neck. And then he dust you with the talcum.

[Bill Simmons]

He didn't whip the cream at you like migs in Silence of the Lamb?

[Adam Carolla]

No. Jodie Foster, by the way, I could smell you from here. It does. It is kind of. It's kind of weird, like, when you look at some of these movies. Like, Silence of the Lambs has, you know, Jodie Foster in it. It's an FBI crime drama. Everything's pretty straightforward. They're finding bodies. They have to catch him before he kills again. He abducts the senator's daughter, whatever it is. Except for the part where the guy's in the stall next to hers. He's beating off and flicks jizz that sticks to the side of her face.

[Bill Simmons]

Is that one of your top 10 favorite jism scenes in movie history?

[Adam Carolla]

It's tough.

[Bill Simmons]

Somebody had jism thrown at them.

[Adam Carolla]

It's definitely my top 35. You know what else I was thinking about? Speaking of jizz, I was just listening the other day to Take a walk on the Wild side and notice that part where he's like. And she never lost her head, even when she was given head. Said, hey, baby, that's all right. But that's 19. What, 75. Like, hello. We. We would bleep out. Like you couldn't say, God damn it. Yeah. Like if you were doing a song back in the, you know, 70s, and you said, God damn it. They, like, the radio station would bleep out. God damn it. You couldn't. You couldn't swear.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, was it Jack and Diane with John Cougar Mellencamp? What was that one.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I don't know.

[Bill Simmons]

She went down on him somewhere. That was always a little awkward. Captain Jack with Billy Joel had one where he was masturbating the other. Remember that one?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And there was. There's always. What's his name from Detroit, the Silver Bullet rocker who's always Bob Seeger. Bob Seeger's always talking about taking some chick out to the woods, dry humping her. Dry humping her. She had points of her own, sitting way up high. All right, we get it. But I'm just saying, she never lost her head, even when she was giving head. Like, you just think some program director would go, you know, I don't think we're allowed to say giving head. Like, you can subtly allude to things and you can use a little, you know, you can use the English language and bend it a little. But this is giving head.

[Bill Simmons]

They should have changed it to giving lead something.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean. I mean, if Lou Reed was ever playing the Ed Sullivan Show. Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Like.

[Adam Carolla]

Like Jim Morrison, there would have had to been some sort of modification of that.

[Bill Simmons]

I have a Silence of Lambs follow up Migs question for you.

[Adam Carolla]

Go ahead.

[Bill Simmons]

Do you think they use fake jism or real jism? Because if Jodie Foster was a real actress, method actress, she'd say, no, I don't want the fake jism. And if this is the thing, if they. If they. If it was fake jism, where do I get some so I can throw it at my friends? Just terrifying.

[Adam Carolla]

It is a weird. And it's a. It's got to be. You know, it's like whenever they do throw up, they always just use pea soup. Yeah. And they mix it with, like, a little grape juice or something like that. There must be some prop department jism thing where it's like two parts Thousand Island, a little Zesty Ranch and some. And you take some, like, Gerber strain peas or something and put it in there. Like they're like one. One part Vaseline. Yeah. One part Thousand island. Or. Or ranch dressing. Like, there. There has to be some sort of, like. I'm sure there's prop guys that have that.

[Bill Simmons]

And Jonathan Demme, the guy who directed it, like, they gave him an early cut of the stunt jism. He said, no, too watery.

[Adam Carolla]

It's not sticking. Speaking of fake jism. Yeah. You ever see those porn movies where they seem to have the fake jizz where, like, it just, like it just keeps going and going, like a fire hose or something? Yeah. It's really weird. And you're like, it Funny, too. Like maximum jizz in the face or outrageous amount of jizz in the face. And then I guess. Look, we all have daughters. Let me just. I'll give you two scenarios. If, God forbid, your daughter ends up doing porn, would you rather she do the kind of porn where she just takes the straight Randy west, as God intended, jizz shot to the face, or the super novelty new one where she's just being literally coated? Like, just like, like, like, like. Like when there's a fire at the airport and they come out with the foam and just start spraying the foam all over the airplane. Like now, in one. In one. One hand, it's fake, but it's still weird that she's literally being covered head to toe with ranch dressing. On the other hand, the other stuff, the Randy west stuff, that's real, but she's only a teaspoon of it.

[Bill Simmons]

I just can't believe Donny had an opinion on this. Such a shocker. Donnie, do you follow porn?

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let me ask you this. Let me ask you this.

[Bill Simmons]

By the way, I often play that game of, this would be a funny website. Worst possible porn titles that your daughter could have been on a box of.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, well, it's just horrible, the being. I mean, this new fake. Fake porn where they. Where they just drenched the people in jism is a little. I don't know. I don't. I know there's a market for it, but then once you find out it's fake, it kind of. Kind of ruins the whole thing. Not know that. That. That stuff is. As soon as you see it the first time, you're just like, what? Well, the thing. The thing about the fake jism porn is you're with it for a while. Like. Like, the guy's like, okay, all right, here we go. Yeah, stand back. Look out. Here we go. And like, the first salvo, you're like, hey, that's impressive. And then. And then the second one, you're like, wow. But then the third one, you're like, wait a minute, hold on, something's up here. And then by the eighth one, you're like, all right, listen, you're insulting my intelligence. Now, if you would have stopped two courts earlier, I'd be with you on this, but you had to keep going. All right, to be honest, I've. I've seen these ones for a little while. They started out.

[Bill Simmons]

I can't believe it.

[Adam Carolla]

They started out, you know, with a big load, like, wow, that's impressive. But then, like, a month or two later, all of a Sudden, like, I guess they had. They had shot that and they just started bumping it up a little more. They're getting greedy. Yeah. Now they're doing the fire hose, you know, hit the Runway and airplane.

[Dana Gould]

That'd be a fun.

[Bill Simmons]

Like, would you ever meet somebody who's like, yeah, I patented fake sperm.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Movies and porn. I didn't do the sperm itself. I did the pump system. And then it's weird for the dude, like, because the dude has to keep his hand in a certain place and it. You know, I don't know if you have to have a fire marshal on hand now. Like, I don't know how. How it works. And then the. Like, again, if you're the chick, if you're getting the fake goo, isn't that just. Is that bullet dodged for you? Like, look, I'm just getting covered in tap water and cornstarch. I mean, I'm fine.

[Bill Simmons]

I think I'm gonna get fired.

[Adam Carolla]

You can't get pink eye. You can't get pink eye from that, can you? All right, I'm just saying, look, kind of like the adult version of Nickelodeon getting slimed. Yeah. It's like the Teen Choice Awards or whatever they have over there. Yeah, the Nickelodeon Award.

[Bill Simmons]

Adam, serious question for you.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, all right. Okay, wait, wait. I have one more. All right, go ahead. So would you. You have your daughter. Does she either do that, the real stuff or the fake stuff? And then. And then here's the big question. I'll make it mild.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, I mean, my answer is obviously the fake stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, but she. She could drown.

[Bill Simmons]

Like, they're fine.

[Adam Carolla]

She could get.

[Bill Simmons]

But that would be like ranch dressing.

[Adam Carolla]

What happened to your daughter? She passed away. What happened? She was so young. She got fluid in her lungs. What? She was drowned. She was kind of weird fetish porn and ended up inhaling some of this fake jizz. All right, what about this? Wait a second.

[Bill Simmons]

I have a question for you.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, go ahead.

[Bill Simmons]

You know performance enhancing drugs in baseball and football and all this stuff. Such a big story right now. Nobody talks about the effects in the porn industry of Viagra. Well, the people we grew up with, John Leslie, Jamie Gillis.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Bill Simmons]

Hersh Savage.

[Adam Carolla]

The greats.

[Bill Simmons]

The great John Holmes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

Harry Reams.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bill Simmons]

They didn't need performance enhancing drugs. How do I judge the stats of the guys from the last 10 years?

[Adam Carolla]

It's true.

[Bill Simmons]

And you know, like, Mr. Marcus, do I do. Where do I rank him, not knowing whether he's used peds or not?

[Adam Carolla]

The point, too, is, like, you could see, like, John Holmes and some of his later. Some of his later work needed. First off, his dick was so big. It was like. It was like blowing up a pool raft versus blowing up water wings. It took a while, you know what I mean? And I always felt bad for the chick because the thing was, like, unwieldy and he's, like, having to hold it and. You know what I mean? It was like, I felt bad for not only, like, not only are you doing porn, but you're not really cutting it. For John Holmes, like, it took a little while for him to get going, but he always delivered the mail.

[Bill Simmons]

It was almost like filling a gas tank. You had to fill with blood. You just had to sit there and.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait and hold the pump and wait. Yeah. Sometimes I'd go back in the car and just listen to the radio. But. Yeah, you're right. Now everyone is not only. Not only these guys look amazing because half of them are juicing, but the other half are on the Viagra.

[Bill Simmons]

Well, there was a great article in the New Yorker by Susan fluti in, like, 1995. It was called the Woodsman. And it was about, you know the old joke about, well, how come there are only like, 10. 10 guys who do porn? And it was because basically these were the 10 guys that directors knew, this guy's going to come through, right? Lights go on. We say, action. This guy's gonna deliver. And a lot of guys are panic or get in their head.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Bill Simmons]

Or they wouldn't be able to get it up one time. And that was it.

[Adam Carolla]

They never.

[Bill Simmons]

And now there's, you know, oh, just give my pill and you're fine.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? It's. It's open. It's now open to everybody. Yeah, right.

[Bill Simmons]

There was Daniel Callison.

[Adam Carolla]

There was a good buddy, Daniel. Yeah, there. No, there was. There were. Yeah, there were eight guys who just perpetually worked and now you can do. And by the way, they're like members.

[Bill Simmons]

Of the family after a while.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Bill Simmons]

Hey, Randy West. How's your Easter?

[Adam Carolla]

I really felt like I knew Jamie Gillis.

[Bill Simmons]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, I felt like I knew Peter North. Like, I felt like I knew those guys. Yeah. Sad. You want to know the other sad and somewhat gay part of this whole thing? If you took all those guys that we spoke of, Peter north and Jamie Gillis and all those guys, and you put all their dicks through a hole and a piece of plywood, I could just go pick them all out. That's gay. Like, I'd just be Ron Jeremy, Jamie Silvera, Peter North Harry Reams. So sad.

[Bill Simmons]

Did you see the AVN Awards on Showtime? A must viewing experience every year.

[Adam Carolla]

I always think about watching those porn awards, but it always feels sort of weird and sad to me, you know? And it is. How come you know that? What was his name? Bobby Holland. Bobby Hollander. How come that didn't develop more like, was just like a discussion and then people like, screw. That seemed like it would have evolved. Donnie had a tape. Donnie. Donnie had porn. Donnie was the first guy to have porn.

[Bill Simmons]

Of course he was.

[Adam Carolla]

He. Well, he has the first guy to have a vcr, right? I mean, me and Rain Chris and no one had a vcr. And then his dad had a couple of porn movies and one of them was called Bobby Hollander Presents. I think that's what it was. And it was like a middle aged guy sitting around and he was talking to the, to the, to the couple before to the couple. And he's like, what do you like? Whatever. And then they would go get it on. And it was kind of, you know, they're kind of doing it now. Which one I've never seen. Well, here's, here's what they're doing now. And it's just, it's bullshit. But I kind of go along with it. Like, they walk into like a candle store and there's some hot 19 year old behind the counter and the guy's talking to her from his pov, from the camera. He's like, hey, look at you. Can I interest you in a sand candle? How about I give you $100 and you blow me? It's gonna take more than that. That's how you always know it's bullshit. 200. Okay. Wait till my boss leaves. And then here's where you always know it's porn. Because when the chicken gets naked and she has a shaved and a tramp stamp and like a hood hood piercing, you're like, come on. You work at a candle store and you have the crazy stamp and the shaved posy. Like that's how you know it's fake. But it is kind of fun because it's like civilian porn. It feels like civilian porn. Yeah, but like, you know, the, the over jizzing. It's eventually it's like, this is fake. This is just fake. I know. Well, it's like Bobby Hollander was neat because it was like, almost like, like a, like a Charlie. Not Charlie Rose. Who am I thinking of? He was like. Had a cigarette? Tom Schneider. Yeah, he was like Tom Schneider.

[Bill Simmons]

Interviewing Two weeks from now, my readers are Going to be like, where'd Simmons column go? Why is there any trace of him? All right, well, he's pinned.

[Adam Carolla]

We'll talk sports in a second. Receiver. Let me ask you guys. Let me ask you this, though. Back. Back to my hypothetical. What wouldn't you want your daughter doing for a living? I'll get away from the super goo porn.

[Bill Simmons]

What are some of the other vocations.

[Adam Carolla]

You would be against? Okay, how about this? How about this? It's a strip club. There's no lamp dancing. It's just a strip club. And it's just a topless strip club with no lap dancer. She either is the stripper, it's just topless and there's no lap dancing. Or she's the slightly husky chick who comes out every four dances with the Windex and has to clean the mirror and the pole off. Yeah, because she's taking her top off. Daddy can't be happy about that. But the chick who comes in with the Windex bottle and has to clean the glass off, that's kind of pathetic, dreaming these up. Oh, a couple hours a day.

[Bill Simmons]

You have a daughter, Donnie.

[Adam Carolla]

What would you rather your daughter. Well, you could have one about this stuff constantly. One could strip and the other could clean up.

[Bill Simmons]

All right, but hold on, I'll go one further. I would call this the signs that you failed as a dad if your daughter is doing vocation X.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Bill Simmons]

I feel like if I'm walking downtown, some nice little neighborhood, and my daughter's on one of the. On one of the whatever down the street, accosting people with some sort of. Can you sign a petition for. To save the whales?

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Bill Simmons]

I'd feel like I failed. I don't want my daughter to be the annoying person on the street that you have to, like, pull out your cell phone and pretend you're on the cell phone so you don't have to talk to them.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's a terrible. It's the person who camps out in front of the Whole Foods Market or Blockbuster. Yeah. And as you're leaving, they pretty much figure out the demographic because they know if it has to do with global warming, if they go to the Whole Foods Market, they're going to get all the guys who just loaded up on sprouts walking out of there, and they're going to get them to contribute to it. Do we have a Skype phone call you want to take, Donnie? Well, I was going to tell you, like, you can take them in five minutes, but we're ready. We're loaded. Yeah. Why don't we. Why don't we try one? And we should talk some sports with Bill Simmons as well.

[Bill Simmons]

It might not be a bad idea.

[Adam Carolla]

You.

[Brian Bishop]

All right? That's Adam Ko show episode 78. Coming up next, we have Adam Ko show episode 142. Chris Collinsworth, Teresa Strasser, Brian Bishop from 2009. Check it out.

[Adam Carolla]

T. Yeah. What's going on in your life other than the. The baby?

[Teresa Strasser]

Well, the baby and I've, you know, been doing some writing. I ran into your buddy Bill Simmons.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Teresa Strasser]

I was sitting in a cafe trying to write, and I'm, you know, working on this book. And I was just sitting there, Just nothing. It was just the file was open, just staring at it. And as Bill Simmons said to do your imitation of him, all the blood's in your stomach. It's not your brain.

[Adam Carolla]

You got no bloody brain. It's on your belly. You got belly blood, not brain blood. I'm sitting there. I'm sitting there. Stand on your head.

[Teresa Strasser]

I'm starting to get really anxious because I'm like, I've gotten. I gotta start this, you know, chapter one. Exploiting my baby. And I hear, like, this clacking, incessant clacking. Just somebody just, you know, somebody's in the zone just writing, clacking. I look over, it's Bill Simmons, and he's mocking me.

[Adam Carolla]

I can write faster than I can think.

[Teresa Strasser]

He was writing so fast.

[Adam Carolla]

What? It just. Clack, clack, clack, clack, clack, clack. I don't even know what I just did.

[Teresa Strasser]

The online diary.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm on a roll. I'm on a roll. I don't even know where I'm rolling to.

[Teresa Strasser]

So I went and said hello to him. He couldn't be nicer. And he gave me some advice, and he said, you know, women think too much. You just got to keep your fingers moving. Keep your fingers moving. And then I went back to my seat, and I thought, oh, what a nice man. And he's really prolific, and he's a great writer. And I thought, I can't think so much. And then I thought about thinking so much for about 20 minutes while I wrote nothing.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what happens when I. When I try to meditate. You know, you go meditate, then you go be quiet. And then you go, echo, echo. So you're working on your book.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, trying to write. But it is hard because I think Bill Simmons is right. All the blood is in my stomach. It's hard to think. And he said his wife had a Hard time doing anything after eight months pregnant. Yeah, it's a little. You're very distracted. And I'm having a lot of Braxton Hicks, which are, like, rehearsal contractions. Your body's just, like, practicing, so you're not really going to labor, but it feels kind of crampy.

[Adam Carolla]

Sounds like a good sports bar, though.

[Teresa Strasser]

Braxton Hicks.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Go there for microbrew. Yeah. Steelers and Tender Plan.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, that'd be a good place to watch the USC home games.

[Sean White]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

So your body's going through the expelling process. Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

I guess your uterus and such just rehearses so that when you actually go into labor.

[Adam Carolla]

But.

[Teresa Strasser]

But it's kind of weird because it's sort of like your stomach has, like, a candy shell and it gets hard and kind of cramps. It doesn't hurt or anything. It's just a little distracting. When you're trying to write your book, and then all you can hear is Bill Simmons just.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he types, like I said, faster than he thinks. And speaking of Bill Simmons. And let me just go off on this jag for just one second. Bill Simmons is, you know, from ESPN's, a sports guy. Also. Dave Damoshek's on ESPN as well, I think on the radio. Yeah, he does a. He does a podcast as well. Bill Simmons and Dave Damaschek have both been banned from doing the show from their bosses. Oh, he told me.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, he said it got a little too jizzy. Yeah, too much jizz talk. It was too jizz laden for abc, which owns espn.

[Adam Carolla]

But here's the thing. Dan Machek got banned from doing this show, too. Now, let me just say a little something to the retards who call themselves the bosses over there, because we live in a fucking time where everyone does that. Good call. Good call. Good call. You're running a fucking business. Okay? This is one of the most popular podcasts on the Internet. Your two clients, Bill Simmons, does a podcast. Popular. Probably not as popular as this podcast, but very popular. And Dave Damaschek does a podcast as well. Not nearly as popular as Bill Simmons, but he still does a podcast. Now, you guys generate income via those podcasts. We share the same audience, essentially. I mean, you know, white guys who don't have delicate sensibilities, are in their 30s, and like to play fantasy football.

[Teresa Strasser]

There's no white guy in his 30s who does not read Bill Simmons and.

[Adam Carolla]

Doesn'T like to make fun of a culture or an ethnicity different than his own. So we share a lot of the same Audience. When I do Bill Simmons show, I get his audience. And when he does my show, he gets my audience. And so on and so forth. Now, Bill Simmons came on this show and said something last time that may have pissed off way less than one fucking percent of his audience. Way less than one percent. People go one percent. Well, there's thousands of people that listen to his podcast. I guarantee he didn't get one shitty letter for every hundred people that were listening to the podcast.

[Teresa Strasser]

Why does his audience care about jizz talk?

[Adam Carolla]

That's the whole thing. There are a bunch of guys who love, they love beer. And the only thing they love more than beer is bone crushing hits. They love it when Lt's coming around the backside and there's a compound fracture of Theisman's shin. Buck.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, he's not the poet laureate.

[Adam Carolla]

This is what fucking drives me nuts about these retards. And it's all sports. It's not just espn. They're so fucking sanctimonious. Look, your audience, predominantly made up of alcoholic gamblers who don't pay enough attention to their kids or their family and who would really prefer a night with Tom Brady over their own wife. Sexual, honestly. And who sit around all Sunday with their like minded friends and get loaded and make racial jokes and off color jokes and sexist jokes and misogynist jokes. Yeah, it's a lot of fun. That's what you do. That's your fucking audience. Stop pretending like they're not those people. Number one, I guarantee everyone who reads Bill Simmons column or who listens to his podcast or Dave Danishek's podcast column, whatever, are not what you call delicate or born. Their sensibilities aren't delicate. They're not born again Christians, they're not Jehovah's Witnesses, they're nothing of the sort. They're just regular guys. And the kind of guys that we spend every Sunday with over at Kimmel's watching games, you would literally have to lynch someone in front of them to offend them. And even then they would probably shut up. You get him a 12 pack, that's who you're dealing with. But no. You're so worried. Well, it's clearly, it's overcompensation because you're dealing with a sport where half the guys in the league are criminals and the other half are becoming criminals by either they're criminal, either all beat the fuck out of their girlfriends in college and then when they got to the pros, they ran over someone and they were drunk. They're completely overcompensating for a violent sport that's filled with violent people. So they overcompensate and they don't want Bill Simmons coming on the show. And then they banned, you know, Dave Damaschek for coming on the show. And then everyone applauds that executive. Oh, that was a shrewd move. No, it wasn't, you fucking retard. You just lost money because one guy wrote a shitty letter or five guys wrote a shitty letter. You have now alienated the thousands of people who enjoy Bill Simmons on this show and who are possibly in potentially new ears for his podcast and new eyeballs for his column and who can generate more income for your shitty company. So whoever it is that made that decision, you're fucking retard. You're not a hero. You're fucking idiot. And whoever the. Whoever your. Your, your bosses are should be pissed off, not happy about it. They should be pissed off because it's a fucking business. It's not a church. It's not like, well, we have certain standards. We have to make people feel a certain way. It's not. It's none of that. It's a pure and simple business with shareholders and bosses and CEOs and boardrooms. And you've made a horrible fucking business decision. Made a shitty, fucked up business decision. You've. You've taken a couple of voices and put them above thousands of voices.

[Teresa Strasser]

I'd be curious to see who wrote in to complain, if anyone.

[Adam Carolla]

First off, it. There could be no one. It doesn't have to be anyone, right? Secondly, in today's email world, it's so fucking easy just to file something off and fire it off multiple times. And these people, these. These lemmings, these pussies, they respond to that shit. But the silent majority never gets heard, right?

[Teresa Strasser]

Now, now that the dust is settled or the jizz or whatever, do you think that he could ask his bosses to let him back on if they were to try to keep it a little more pg?

[Adam Carolla]

Sure, with time. But let's not forget Dave Danishek was scheduled to come on this show last week and his fucking pussy hack, retard bosses said, no, he can't come on this show.

[Teresa Strasser]

What did he do?

[Adam Carolla]

He is under the umbrella of espn and they don't want any of their family to come on. So, genius, if you hear this or if you're anyone who knows this person and wants to pass it along, let me send a personal message to you. Dear retard fucking hack. Good Dave Damoshek, who's in 59th place on. On. In. On itunes, in the sports column and will never, ever crack the top fucking 25. Can now not go on a show that's a perennial top 10 show. And get. And by the way, I do a podcast, so the people who listen to this program are well versed in the podcasting.

[Teresa Strasser]

Not only that, but Damoshek's fans listen to your show.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. So anyway, dear retard who should get fucking fired for making horrible business decisions and losing potentially thousands of dollars for his clients, you are not a hero. You're an idiot. And if it was up to me, I would shit can your pussy weak ass. And by the way, is this why you got into the business, to make cowardly decisions based on a couple of emails from, you know, Shirley. What's her name, and her religious. Just Shirley Phelps. Good. Good luck. You're pussy. You're pussy. Do you like. You like that? You like. When you wake up in the morning, you look in the mirror, see big fat staring back at you? Does your wife know she's married to her pussy? Does to you? Does your. Does your kids know that daddy's a pussy? It's awesome. You get a job and just become a giant fucking fat fucking postf. Good and good. Damashek can go ahead and Languish down in 59th place, and Bill Simmons won't get any new ears on his podcast via my show. Great decision, retards. Anything else you'd like to fuck up? Thank you.

[Teresa Strasser]

That's a rhetorical question.

[Adam Carolla]

And you end there, I'm assuming. No, I'm assuming there are more things they would like to fuck up.

[Brian Bishop]

Long list.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I'm looking at the top 25 on iTunes, and I don't see Damosheks or Bill Simmons anywhere on that fucking list, but I see my name on that fucking list, you fucking pussy retards. All right, anyway. Fucking idiots. Yeah, find out. Find. Tell me where. Where. Where the BS Report is, and then tell me where Damoshek is. All right, he's number, what, 40, 47. All right. He's all right. So you.

[Teresa Strasser]

You're generally in the top top 10.

[Adam Carolla]

You're not going to let anyone from. You're not going to let number 47 on the show, and then good luck finding. Finding Dave Danishek and wherever he is on that list, because I don't know if that goes deep enough. And I like Dave Danishek, but look, I don't know if he's in the top. If he's in the top 100.

[Teresa Strasser]

Listen, I mean, I have a pregnancy block. That is not something your fans would be into.

[Adam Carolla]

Dave Damshek is not in the top 100. So nice job, Push. Fantastic job running your fucking business. Don't let number 47 and number 147 in on a top 10 show.

[Teresa Strasser]

Right. I was just gonna say my hits double. When I'm on your podcast and I have a pregnancy blog that's something that your listeners probably don't give a fuck about. Whereas they be into this. It's very niche. Whereas, of course, your listeners would be into Bill Simmons and of course, Dave Danishek.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, and also, I mean, look, the reality is I'm trying to figure out where Dave Damaschek is. Look, who are we offending? Trying to stay on the high road and what? It's uncomfortable. What about the people that want to see? People love me and Dan Shek together, and they love me and bill Simmons together. Now, 1% of the people. He's 31 in sports, but that means. No, that's 31 in the category of sports. That's Dave Damaschek. Let me explain how these categories work. The Hammer's not in the top 100 on Amazon, but if you go to comedy and then you go to sports comedy, boxing, predominantly featuring Nick Rogan, guys who are mistaken for Jews who do boxing films all of a sudden have cracked the top 50. You own it. I own it. Yeah. So there you go. And like I said, why would you. You let the 47 and the 247th podcast come on? A perennial top 10 show retard, chicken, Cowards. You know what I'm calling you? Yellow. What doesn't get called after all that we don't call men yellow very much any anymore. But I'm calling you yellow. Yellow or yellow? Yellow. There you go. All right, Brian. Yeah. Where can we go if we want to donate to your cause?

[Dana Gould]

Go to hibrien.com with the Y.

[Adam Carolla]

And actually, starting today, go to brain tumor treatment. Chrissy. Braintumortreatment.com It's Cedars relaunched their brain tumor website, and we do all the right now. Tumortreatment.com yeah, it's all our story.

[Teresa Strasser]

This is through Cedars, your hospital.

[Adam Carolla]

Yep. And T bone. Exploitingmybaby.com exploitingmybaby.com Always a delight. And until next time, this is Adam Crow for Chris Collinsworth and Teresa Strasser and good old ball Brian saying mahalo. All right.

[Brian Bishop]

This is Adam Krulle Show 142. Coming up for our final clip today, we have Adam Kurillo Show, 1657, Daniel Kellison, Gina Grad, and Brian Bishop from 2015.

[Adam Carolla]

Dan Callison is a guy I've spoken about many times at me, him and Jimmy Sheridan office for many years doing the man show. Worked with letterman, Rosie o', donnell, all sorts of stuff. So all sorts of stories to go over with Danny. Two sheets, including the two sheets story. Good day, Gina, Graham, good day to you and Baldwin. I want to go to Hawaii. Yay. Cranky anchors. I forgot about that as well.

[Gina Grad]

I have a real quick question. Was Daniel there for the Dixie chicks incident? Was he in cahoots?

[Brian Bishop]

This bothers me to no end that I'm not part of the story. I understand I'm not famous like Jimmy Kimmel, but I really was a big part of that story.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Gina Grad]

I had a feeling.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. We had an office. The office had my desk on one side and Jimmy and Daniel's desk on the other. So we'd all just sort of face each other while we were writing the theme songs and going about all our business.

[Brian Bishop]

I feel like I'm cyrano a little bit. I do it with Sal also. I whisper in his ear a little bit, cousin Sal. Because Sal actually can get away with it and is more charming than I am when we do this stuff. And Jimmy's the same way. But mostly Jimmy.

[Adam Carolla]

I did.

[Brian Bishop]

It was my idea to write I will not be ignored and mustered on the hero.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, Six foot sub. That the story. And it's been told before on this podcast. I don't know. I want to know if there's any hyperbole in it. And at first, I just want to make sure we. We did get the six foot sub. We got the bouquet of roses for the first offering. Right.

[Brian Bishop]

Candace's underpants.

[Adam Carolla]

Our assistants under our receptionist underpants. And she was our assistant now. Oh, yeah. I think she was receptionist at first. And then. Oh, no, no, no, no. You know, his underpants. We got.

[Brian Bishop]

Angela box.

[Adam Carolla]

Angela box, that's right. Was her underpants. She was working as a receptionist. Right. Candace was our assistant. And I remember it well because I think it was Candace, because she came.

[Brian Bishop]

In while you were sniffing them and it was unpleasant.

[Adam Carolla]

I thought everyone had come in. Well, maybe it was Candace. All I remember very well is our second assistant was a guy named Ken, who we named Kendice. Right. Because we missed Candace and he couldn't use his underwear. All the things we'd be fired for today, by the way.

[Brian Bishop]

I think Ken's a successful comedy writer now. And he really at the time didn't seem to have much personality whatsoever.

[Adam Carolla]

No, but to be fair, if you took every single comedy executive for cbs, ABC and NBC and said to their high school graduating class, guess what Nancy Tellem is doing today? You'd be like, mortician works in a lighthouse. I don't know, something sour, something solo. I don't know. Dog walker. No, she heads up the comedy division at NBC. They'd be like, get the fuck out of here. That chick never even smiled, much less told a joke. So most people who end up in comedy, you wouldn't know it. Yeah, we would call him Ken if he was doing a good job. But if he fucked up, it go back to Candace. That's right. So, yeah, the. The Dixie Chick story. Yeah, you were there. Yes. I now did Jimmy go to you early on and go, I got an idea, I can't remember.

[Brian Bishop]

And you know, we just both, I think thought this was a plum opportunity to fuck with you because really you had such a head of not hubris. You had this idea that she was, you know, it was not going to be possible to talk her out of being in love with you. And so that was just a perfect.

[Adam Carolla]

Roadmap or we're fucking with you.

[Gina Grad]

I love hearing this from the other side.

[Adam Carolla]

She did ask me to escort her to. Yeah, but that was, that was kind of it.

[Brian Bishop]

And then you actually. Then the kids got a bad kind of thing with it and it was.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that was it. But she probably was. She probably did feel that way about you. And she had to have something at some point.

[Brian Bishop]

And you know what else? We're doing a show with her and Jenny Johnson.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really? Well, we should sit down. J A C. Sorry. J A S H Jash.

[Brian Bishop]

Very close.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you know I'm dyslexic. It's the network that Daniel started. YouTube channel. Just.

[Brian Bishop]

It's a multi platform. It's digital and TV and film.

[Adam Carolla]

Where's the best place for people to see all this great work? Probably YouTube. Okay. Go to YouTube and J A s or Facebook. Okay, so we'll. We'll have to then ask our Dixie chick what's going on. But there was a sub sandwich. There was. I was a giant Mrs. Fields cookie or something at some point I believe too. Yeah. And a bunch of horrible gifts and.

[Brian Bishop]

Anybody else probably would have figured it out.

[Adam Carolla]

But you didn't. First off, when you gave me the bouquet of roses. Yeah. And with a note that said call me. Yeah, I called her that night. I called her and she said hey, I'm sitting in my room right now watching you on tv. Yeah, it worked perfectly. Unfortunate. For this moment, we said thank you. I said, thank you for the roses. And she said, you're welcome. So you gotta see from my point of view, she assumed the public. She never went like, what? Who is this? Why are you calling her? Nothing. She said, I'm watching you on TV right now and you're welcome for those roses.

[Gina Grad]

Sitting in my bedroom watching you on tv.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you're welcome. Look at my bean. Watching you on tv. So did she say that?

[Brian Bishop]

What's the implications?

[Adam Carolla]

So the. That's what I heard.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

All right. This Adam CR Show, 1657. That does it for today's CR Classics. Make sure to tune in tomorrow for an all new installment. Until then, hollow and get on.

[Adam Carolla]

51St date. This is awesome. And tv shows like survivor, spongebob squarepants, the fairly odd parents and ghost. Pluto tv is always free. Huzzah. Pluto tv stream now pay never. You're welcome.