Brandi Burkhardt + Alison and Bryan (Carolla Classics)

Summary

Adam Carolla Show – Episode: Brandi Burkhardt + Alison and Bryan (Carolla Classics)
Release Date: July 25, 2025
Host: PodcastOne / Carolla Digital

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Introduction to Corolla Classics

Giovanni: [01:02] "Welcome to Corolla Classics, I'm your host, superfan Giovanni. This is the podcast where we play the best moments, highlights, and fan favorites from all 16 years of The Adam Carolla Show."

Corolla Classics serves as a nostalgic journey through select clips from The Adam Carolla Show, offering listeners a curated experience of memorable discussions and guest interactions.

Main Discussions

1. Personal Stories and Self-Improvement

Brian Bishop: [03:08] "My mom and dad did not own cameras... I never bothered bringing home packets for school pictures."

Brian delves into his upbringing, highlighting his detached relationship with family traditions like school photos and yearbooks. This detachment has influenced his perspective on personal documentation and self-image.

Brian Bishop: [06:21] "I have issues with reading. I don't like reading in front of people, especially 30 people."

He discusses personal challenges, such as public speaking and performing under pressure, revealing a layer of vulnerability beneath his outspoken demeanor.

2. Games Segment – Rotten Tomatoes Challenge

Brian Bishop: [22:48] "We'll pick a genre, you'll pick a celebrity or something... Now it's time for the Rotten Tomatoes game."

The hosts engage in a playful competition to guess average critic scores for various movies, adding an interactive and entertaining element to the episode.

Allison Rosen: [26:53] "I said 70."

This segment showcases the hosts' differing opinions and knowledge of film, fostering a dynamic and humorous atmosphere.

3. Listener Q&A – Meeting Girls and Self-Improvement

Caller (Elliot): [36:50] "I moved to a new town for this job... I really need to meet girls."

The hosts respond to listener inquiries, offering advice on social interactions, self-improvement, and overcoming personal barriers.

Brian Bishop: [37:38] "The more shit you're into or can sort of feign interest in, the more people you're gonna meet."

Brian emphasizes the importance of engaging in diverse activities to expand one's social circle, while also addressing the challenges of online dating platforms.

4. Relationship Talk – Marriage and Divorce

Adam Carolla: [86:05] "I've been doing a lot of thinking about what is the point of marriage... Why are we doing this exactly?"

The conversation shifts to the complexities of marriage, questioning societal norms and the pressures associated with legally committing to a partner.

Brian Bishop: [89:53] "Statistically, they say the best way to go through life... is basically get married, stay together, have kids."

The hosts debate the merits and drawbacks of marriage, reflecting on personal experiences and broader societal trends.

Pop Culture News

1. Justin Bieber's Arrest

Adam Carolla: [68:10] "Justin Bieber is facing driving under the influence and other charges after he raced through a Miami beach neighborhood in a rented Lamborghini."

The hosts discuss recent headlines, injecting humor and critical commentary into celebrity news.

Seth Rogen Tweet: [69:12] "All jokes aside, Justin Bieber is a piece of shit."

This quote highlights the public sentiment and celebrity backlash surrounding Bieber's legal troubles.

2. Grammy Awards Recap

Adam Carolla: [173:56] "Macklemore and Ryan Lewis won for best new artist... Imagine Dragons won best rock performance for Radioactive."

The hosts provide a rundown of the Grammy winners, expressing personal opinions on the selections and the current state of the music industry.

Brian Bishop: [175:08] "They just do bucka, bucka, bucka... that's what they do."

His critique underscores a sentiment that contemporary music awards lack the authenticity and depth of past selections.

Interview Segment – Brandi Burkhardt

Brandi Burkhardt: [161:22] "I've been on Broadway... I played Sophie in Mamma Mia and was a mermaid on Passions."

Brandi shares insights into her diverse acting career, spanning Broadway musicals and television soap operas. Her experiences provide a glimpse into the challenges and triumphs of performing arts.

Brian Bishop: [163:39] "So yeah, it was sort of like that R. Kelly video in the closet or something."

He humorously parallels Brandi's role as a mermaid to pop culture references, adding levity to the conversation.

Brandi Burkhardt: [163:57] "I played Sophie, the girl running around looking for her dads... It was such a fun show."

Her enthusiasm for her roles underscores the passion and dedication required in the performing arts industry.

Closing Remarks

Brian Bishop: [189:57] "You've seen it many times in the NFL. You broke away. You're a full back..."

The episode concludes with light-hearted banter and reflections on various topics discussed, reinforcing the camaraderie among the hosts.

Allison Rosen: [104:33] "That's it for today's pro classics. Until tomorrow."

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Brian Bishop: [03:43] "We can go basically latchkey package... Now you don't need to have pictures of the kids."
• Brian Bishop: [06:21] "I have issues with reading. I don't like reading in front of people..."
• Adam Carolla: [86:05] "I've been doing a lot of thinking about what is the point of marriage..."
• Brian Bishop: [89:53] "Statistically, they say the best way to go through life... is basically get married, stay together, have kids."
• Adam Carolla: [68:10] "Justin Bieber is facing driving under the influence..."
• Brandi Burkhardt: [161:22] "I've been on Broadway... I played Sophie in Mamma Mia..."

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Conclusion

This episode of Carolla Classics offers a rich tapestry of personal anecdotes, interactive segments, and insightful discussions, all punctuated by humor and candidness. With the inclusion of guest Brandi Burkhardt, listeners gain a multifaceted view of the entertainment industry, complemented by the hosts' engaging banter and diverse perspectives on contemporary issues.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

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[Giovanni]

Welcome to Corolla Classics. I'm your host, superfan Giovanni. This is the podcast where we play the best moments, highlights and fans like.

[Allison Rosen]

The clips from all 16 years of.

[Giovanni]

The Adam Carolla Show. We have a companion podcast feed titled Cruel Classics. It's an exclusive premium feed. Through Podcast one, you can find ad free archives for every week's Friday, Saturday.

[Allison Rosen]

And Sunday episode, along with the entire back catalog.

[Giovanni]

And if you'd like the ad free archives in the back catalog of the Adam Crolla show and The Adam and Dr. Drew show, as well as exclusive access to the brand new podcast Beat it out, make sure to check out Adam Krolla's substack adamcarolla.substack.com and if you'd like to request a clip, please email us classicsamcarolla.com now on to the clips. Come up first, we have Adam Carolla show, 1246, Joe Casey, Matt Atchetty, Allison Rosen, Brian Bishop from 2014.

[Brian Bishop]

Good day Allison Rosen.

[Adam Carolla]

Hello Adam Crowa.

[Brian Bishop]

And the bald one. Bald Brian? Really, dude, Like I just want to.

[Allison Rosen]

Go take a at the big house on Twitter. Heard the hashtag top drop.

[Brian Bishop]

Matt atchety Air. Good to see you my friend.

[Giovanni]

Thank you. Thanks for having me as always.

[Brian Bishop]

Rotten Tomatoes Dawson, dial me in just a little bit. Pop me down just a little trouble with my headphones. We'll play the Rotten Tomatoes game, which means we get to hear the theme song, which is really the part that we all look forward to.

[Allison Rosen]

Really hard of the week.

[Brian Bishop]

And I want to hear it in its entirety. Not the, you know, the radio version, Reader's Digest version of it. I just got done doing a long photo shoot and promos and it's so weird how, you know, you just kind of are who you are. It's hard to shed certain things from the past. You know what I'm saying? Allison Rose, I feel you.

[Adam Carolla]

What was this promo and photoshoot?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, first off, you have to understand, as I've discussed a time or two, my mom and dad did not own cameras. My when I would go every day. You know, once a year at school, you take your school picture. I didn't bother bringing home the packet that said, how many wallet sized ones does your dad want? How many desks? No one had a desk. No one had a wallet.

[Allison Rosen]

You have to have one of those two things.

[Brian Bishop]

I think my dad's desk was his wallet. He's like, well, I have no use for this leather thing. I might as well make a desk out of it. There was no credit cards. There was no pictures of anybody. There was no anything. We never did any of that. The joke was always on the poor schlubs who would set up in the gymnasium to take the pictures at the junior high because their whole thing was they probably had a deal going with the school, which is, we'll take the yearbook picture for free. And then on the way out, we hit the kid with the packet. And you can go stage one, stage two, stage three.

[Adam Carolla]

So many different packages you could get, right?

[Brian Bishop]

We can go basically latchkey package. Then there's fair to Midland and then there's mommy and daddy together and very much in love with their kids kind of package.

[Giovanni]

And all the little wallet size you could send to all the relatives. Everybody gets a picture.

[Brian Bishop]

And so it start with the four wallets, two desk and two just the big goofy color ones of you in the one by headshot. And then it move up to 16 wallet and 4 desk size and whatever. And then eventually end up with a whole bunch of wallet size and a wall size, right. Poster view on a horse rearing back, holding a sword. They put a sword up and a bolt of lightning coming from the sword, from the horse's ass.

[Giovanni]

Napoleon, actually.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, the Napoleon pose. I, because I was so broken by my horrible family, would just walk right past those offerings and go, well, we're not. We're not. We don't. They don't need. What do they need this for? They don't need. They don't want any pictures of the kids. They got enough of us. And I would just walk past it. And so I never had pictures like school pictures. I didn't. But I never bought the yearbook either because that was considered in the Corolla parlance, a yearbook would have been considered a durable good, like a car washer dryer. That was a big Ticket item, you know, that was $13.

[Allison Rosen]

But also thematically, like commemorates and celebrates the year. But you can't do that. You can't let fondly on the year.

[Brian Bishop]

No, no, they wouldn't. Nobody would have it. So consequently, I never owned any yearbooks. I never had any of those goofy school pictures. I'd have the goofy one that went in the yearbook, but that was the only of that picture I would ever have. And then it did sort of carried into high school and letterman jackets and things like that. It was all way out of bounds. So when I then go to these things where there's literally 40 people and they're buzzing around and all they're there to do is photograph me and. Or have me do whatever it is I'm supposed to do. And they come up, they're putting makeup on you, and they're holding trays. Would you like something to eat? I can make you something. You want someone to go on a.

[Allison Rosen]

They're filling out the order forms, wallet.

[Brian Bishop]

Size, it seems it is so insane because I come from me saying to my mom, hey, can I get a ride to Teddy's house in Van Nuys? And then you smash cut to. Do you need anything? Let's go on a run. You have anything? We can go on a run. We need some coffee, Starbucks, anything like that. And then while someone is putting makeup on you, while they're taking 10,000.

[Adam Carolla]

You're like a Make a Wish kid.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, except for I don't like it. It's uncomfortable.

[Adam Carolla]

Except for that.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, the Make a Wish is I love Batman and I want to save Gotham City. But for me, it's somewhere between confusing and just. I feel out of place. I want everyone to like, no, don't worry. Go home. But then there's a part of me that realizes, oh, they're doing their job. They need this stuff. But there's another part of me just wants everyone, sit down, relax, crack a beer, chill out. We'll take a couple of pictures. Let's just get this going. And then there's this other part, which is we got the teleprompter loaded up, we're gonna do this promo, and there's 40 people sitting in the room. And I realize I have issues with reading. I don't like reading in front of people, especially 30 people. And all of a sudden, you've just thrown me into the most uncomfortable environment I can be thrown into.

[Adam Carolla]

You should do a closed set, like when starlets do nudity. Only the people that have to be there should be there.

[Allison Rosen]

When you read, you're bearing your brain, after all.

[Giovanni]

Very vulnerable.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, but Mr.

[Allison Rosen]

Skin just.

[Brian Bishop]

I've been called courageous. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

He requires reading. He'll do it right.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

It's so brave that Adam would read in front of people.

[Brian Bishop]

I put on glasses by putting little pasties on to cover up the lens. The lens part, it looks. You can see the frames. It looks like I'm wearing glasses, but I have little beige color pasties that go over the top.

[Allison Rosen]

A cock sock for your brain.

[Brian Bishop]

It's a cock sock for your brain, man. So you just find yourself walking into these, and then you're like, why is this so uncomfortable? And then you realize, oh, yes, we're all perpetually nine years old, and if intellectually you can understand it, but viscerally you're feeling like, why is everyone. I mean, I was just at a studio three blocks from where I am now, and there were more photographs taken of me than were taken of me my entire life. Times 25. No one had a camera. We never did it. So it's weird. And then you have the sort of the person in the back that's a little bit of the cheerleader, you know. Oh, good. They're looking at the monitor from the network, you know, oh, that's sharp. Oh, that's a good one. Oh, smart. And you think, oh, be quiet. You don't mean it. You don't mean a second of it.

[Adam Carolla]

They always believe all that.

[Allison Rosen]

I say that to every contractor who has a show.

[Brian Bishop]

The other thing that's weird that I started to notice the best looking slash, most interesting people on the planet are photographers. And then I realized, which at first is sort of like, oh, who cares? But then it's weird because the person that's taking my pictures, much better looking than I am, which seems. It's a little counterintuitive. And I also feel, I think photographers should be like, heavy set and have bad skin, not like paparazzi. Yeah, they're always. Especially the dudes. They have a little European accent. They have some cool facial hair. They're super angular. They look like comic book characters.

[Adam Carolla]

Handwriting is always very cool. It's all caps.

[Brian Bishop]

They're cool. The person, their assistant is even better looking than they are. I realize they're all former models.

[Allison Rosen]

How is it cameramen then are like, you know, logging workers.

[Brian Bishop]

These guys. Well, the cameramen have to.

[Allison Rosen]

Logging workers.

[Brian Bishop]

The workers are logged.

[Allison Rosen]

Mill workers at a logging mill.

[Brian Bishop]

He who works the log, they're burly guys. Yeah. Well, the camera guys have to carry that 40 pound pack with them everywhere on their shoulder and walk backward through Bourbon street while they feel with their open hand.

[Giovanni]

Although that's gonna be a generational change as the technology shrinks and you're gonna see more and more attractive videographers.

[Brian Bishop]

I agree. But I've said to the camera guys who shoot these shows I work on, they're all piled into these cramped kitchens and trying to get around each other and the big batteries on the back and it's 40 pounds, you know. And I say, you know, cameras. It fits in a cell phone now and a GoPro. You know what it is, though? It's like if you're a marksman, you need a rifle with a little heft. If you could shrink the rifle down to the size of a pack of cigarettes, that's not going to help you. Like, they like it. I mean, it hurts their back, but they feel like I need something to hang on to. That's part of it anyway. But the still photographers, these guys were either models or in that industry, they work in fashion. Some way, shape or form. They didn't start off as photographers. Sort of like football coaches. Didn't start off as football coaches. They start off as players. And then they got moved over. You know, the Harbaugh brothers threw the ball around and then they got moved over to the sideline. So a lot of these guys, especially the dudes, they're not like 44, 50. They're a little old for modeling, but they look just right for photography. But I always want to tell a guy I should take pictures of you look much more interesting than I do. So it was a lot of that all day with the network and the spike and all that good stuff. Much to talk about. Speaking of photography, I think we got the COVID of my book finally came around. And I'm guessing it'll pop up on Amazon. You guys can go out and pre order it if you like. Oh, takes a few days to get up on Amazon, still pre order if you like. And the picture, which Gary told me on the phone he had, but Gary, are you digging it up?

[Allison Rosen]

No, he has a wallet sized one.

[Brian Bishop]

Wallet sized one. My QuickTime crashed. I was really crazy. Something crash. Did your parents. Did everyone's parents go for the Chub pack of pictures?

[Allison Rosen]

Not wallet size, but you know, for the grandparents, you know what I mean? Like, you know, the pictures. Five by sevens, grandparents can, whatever.

[Brian Bishop]

But I feel like the wallet comes with it. Oh, by the way, there's me.

[Giovanni]

So it should definitely be wallet size.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I didn't, I didn't get into it with them. I'm fine with it. I figured, so let them fucking pick out the picture they like. I took 10,000 pictures and this is what they ended up with. I'm picturing. I always just. You have to sort of picture it at an airport, I guess. As you're walking past, as you're walking past the COVID in a hurry, have.

[Allison Rosen]

You decided on the confusing joke for the back cover?

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, if not, you haven't narrowed down yet. Not settled on the super confusing joke for the back cover? Honestly, that conversation where my former publisher walked up and down the halls and could not find an example of anyone on her floor that heard any stories, old or New Testament, about Jesus gouging the elderly.

[Allison Rosen]

And we looked.

[Brandi Burkhart]

Shopify's point of sale system helps you sell at every stage of your business. Need a fast and secure way to take payments in person? We've got you covered. How about card readers you can rely on anywhere you sell? Thanks.

[Adam Carolla]

Have a good one.

[Brandi Burkhart]

Yep, that too.

[Adam Carolla]

Want one place to manage all your.

[Brandi Burkhart]

Online and in person sales? That's kind of our thing.

[Brian Bishop]

Wherever you sell. Businesses that grow grow with Shopify.

[Brandi Burkhart]

Sign up for your $1 a month.

[Brian Bishop]

Trial at shopify.com listen.

[Brandi Burkhart]

Shopify.com listen.

[Brian Bishop]

When James Baby Doll Dixon got on the phone with me, it was that moment where, you know, you're doing that. You ever have those conversations turn where you're like, can you believe? And then they chime in and go, baby Jesus would be the last person to gouge the elderly. And you're like, yes, yes.

[Allison Rosen]

See, you get it.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, that is it. So there it is. And then I guess I can go to AdamCroll.com and check it out if you like. It'll be up on Amazon soon enough.

[Allison Rosen]

Can I ask the question everyone's wondering, did you get to keep that.

[Brian Bishop]

Or.

[Adam Carolla]

Was it your hat to begin with?

[Brian Bishop]

No, I must say, it's Uncle Sam hat. This is one of those. This is part of my problem growing up, not having photographs taken of me and stuff like that. All I want to do is get the fuck out of wherever I am as fast as I can possibly move. And people do a lot of. Did you get to keep the shirt or the hat or the whatever? Wouldn't that be cool to look at, you know? Well, okay, 20 years from now, you'll have that hat. Put it in a loose sight case and put it next to the New York Times press. And I was like, huh? I never even crossed my mind. It was just a prop. The hat That I wore the sort of Marlon Brando hat that I wore in the first book. My two gay publicist made a big deal over getting that hat because that's the way they're wired.

[Adam Carolla]

Cheer up and be excited.

[Brian Bishop]

There they go. Gwen and Alex. They went and go get the hat. And I was like, huh? And they're like, take the hat. I was like, oh, all right. I didn't. All right, yeah. Next story.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a question I have for you because I lead the super depressing existence right now and have for years where I don't have anything in frames. I have a ton of stuff I think I should put in frames, but nothing that actually in frames except old stuff. But I noticed when I the times I've seen your house, especially in the pool house, you have a ton of stuff commemorating different parts of your life in frame. Does that mean you did or someone did that for you?

[Brian Bishop]

What happened? There's a couple things that happen. Two things. One is I stole a lot of pictures from the set of the man show when we left, which were in frames. So I had a bunch of framed pictures. Second thing I remembered or started, I don't know, growth meets narcissism or something. I realized that I would take magazines with art. Well, first off, it was a very thoughtful gift that people would do, which is like, my agent got the artwork from a Playboy article I did where a cartoonist drew me and then he had it blown up in frame and gave it to me for my birthday. And I said, oh, that's really neat. And then there's a part of you where you go, geez, that'd be cool, or wouldn't that be nice? But you wouldn't do it for yourself. Well, then you start to realize a lot of this stuff just gets crinkled and ruined and wet, right?

[Adam Carolla]

It just sits in a pile of scrapbook memory.

[Brian Bishop]

Somebody sits on it and then someone spills a coffee on it and then it gets thrown out. But I will tell you the key to framing. The key to framing is you have to have an assistant. You can't frame yourself. You'll hurt. You're not emotionally up to that. You can't walk it into the frame store with a picture of you saying, do this. If I will walk in and it'll be like, hey, iTunes said you guys are the number one podcast of 2012. And I'll go, matt, get that framed. And then I'll leave that. You can do the part where you actually go do it. Too difficult.

[Adam Carolla]

So you're so Right. I need an assistant.

[Brian Bishop]

Let me ask you a question.

[Adam Carolla]

Lay it on me.

[Brian Bishop]

Can you eat steak?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

Can you kill a cow?

[Adam Carolla]

I cannot.

[Brian Bishop]

There you go.

[Adam Carolla]

Never thought of it that way.

[Brian Bishop]

Exactly the same thing.

[Allison Rosen]

Deep.

[Brian Bishop]

Hold on. It's exactly the same thing.

[Allison Rosen]

I've never been to that sniff.

[Adam Carolla]

Exactly. You're right.

[Brian Bishop]

I love pork roast. I could not choke out a pig. I don't know how they kill him. I imagine they choke him out.

[Adam Carolla]

Probably they suffocate him with a pillow.

[Brian Bishop]

Either way, I could not. That's not how. It's not peaceful.

[Adam Carolla]

It isn't.

[Brian Bishop]

Whatever it is, I love me some pork chops. I can't kill a. And if I had to kill the pig, I'd starve.

[Giovanni]

My grandparents had a farm in Louisiana and they had cows, they had calves that when we were kids, we'd go out and visit and we'd feed the calves. And they had names, you know, Murphy and Dum Dum. And one year we come back and I'm rooting through the freezer and there's Murphy, Flank Dum Dum Steak. Names were on the meat.

[Brian Bishop]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

It's so sad. Did you eat it?

[Giovanni]

Yeah, it was delicious. Milk fed veal.

[Brian Bishop]

I enjoyed the Black Prostitute.

[Adam Carolla]

They were veal.

[Brian Bishop]

Perhaps I shouldn't have labeled everything.

[Allison Rosen]

Anyway, this is a bit of a tell. In your freezer.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Filing under Dum Dum next time.

[Allison Rosen]

You know, they got a little creative with those names all around.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. No, see, Yeah. I think it's that. So that the way you can get things framed in your life is to farm out the framing. I'm connecting the two thoughts. Get the shit you need framed, give it off to somebody and say, do your thing. And then you can emotionally do it.

[Adam Carolla]

A lot of things. There's a lot of things.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Rich people don't kill people themselves, they have them killed. This is an emotional thing where you can't overcome that emotional hurdle of going, look at this great. You know, there's a great write up about me in Dramalog. The picture's fabulous. And I must see this forever encased in Lucite. Like you can't emotionally, you're not up to that. But you can hand it off to somebody and they'll happily go do it.

[Adam Carolla]

I love that. It's an emotional resistance I have to it. As opposed to just laziness. Cause it feels like laziness.

[Brian Bishop]

I know. But most. If you think about true laziness, you probably burned more calories straightening my hair. Well, that and thinking about getting things framed than you actually have. It's not really. There's many things you do. You're a person who is not. You don't suffer from crippling depression. You don't stay in bed all day. You get up, you move, you exercise, you have a job, and so on and so forth. This wouldn't be it for you. This is not you doing one of those 10 mile mud runs or something like that. All right, we ready to do. Well, let me give a little love to one of our sponsors and also as somebody, as I said, the first time Lynette ever came to my house or my dad's house for Thanksgiving, when we left, she was sickened by the fact that she counted 57 pictures of other people but no pictures of me. And I said, she said, what fuck is going on in there? Because she was at the time, when you're normal, you think other people are, you know. And I said, whoa, what are you talking about? You know? And she said, there's no pictures here. That entire place. And there's like 50 something, whatever. And I said, well, here's the way a picture of me would go up. I would have to show up with a picture of me and put it up. That's not gonna happen. Or my dad would have to one day go, you know what? This house is missing a picture of Adam. And that would never happen. So it's never gonna happen. But that was her realization. And for me, I'd forgotten all about it. But it does feel good to pass said pictures in your hallway of Life. Quick sniff audible.com baby leading provider of premium digital spoken audio information and entertainment. It's not just entertainment. You get some smarts too, on the Internet. Yeah, I've decided, you know what I want to listen to Bossypants by Tina Fey. She is one smart cookie. So I just got that baby loaded up into my smartphone over there. You can purchase individual books you can sign up for. The Audible listener program gives you book credits every month for one low fee. Over 150,000 titles every genre. Fiction, history, romance, mysteries. I like romance because I'm in the mood to be swept away most nights. Thrillers, Sci fi, self development. Let's get that framed. Kids, young adults, all there. And you get a free audiobook. That's right, free audiobook and a 30 day trial today. Sign up audiblepodcast.com ACE. That's audiblepodcast.com ACE. And you get to try it out 30 days free. All right, Matt, you've got some movies. I love the theme song, but I Like the game as well.

[Allison Rosen]

We can do both.

[Brian Bishop]

I'll lay it out first. Matt from Rotten Tomatoes here. We'll pick a genre. You'll pick a celebrity or something. Something's in the news. We don't know what it is. Now you give five, six movies. We guess the critic on Rotten Tomatoes. Not top critic. Average critic score on Rotten Tomatoes. Whoever is closest or lowest, like a golf score, is going to win the game. We'll combine the scores. Here we go. Yeah. Here's the guy with the fresh and rocks and movie game. Now it's time. I really hope it is. Is it lame? Please, let's go. I totally can't hear this note. I can't force it. Oh. Anymore. Anymore. It hurts my balls. Hurts my balls. Aunt Judy. He names the flux and the gang makes flicks Mad at you D. He's a schlubby's guy, and when he drops by, the gang has to guess, do the critics scores make it rotten or fresh? Yeah. Dick Banks, baby.

[Giovanni]

I'm so honored every time I hear that.

[Brian Bishop]

So I love that song, too. All right.

[Allison Rosen]

Any line could have gone anywhere, said, he's a schlubby guy.

[Brian Bishop]

It's okay.

[Allison Rosen]

That's all right.

[Brian Bishop]

All right. What is our genre?

[Giovanni]

Our genre? Today, in honor of I Frankenstein, an updated take on a classic Universal monster, I'm doing Universal Monster Update movies, okay?

[Brian Bishop]

When I see those fucking commercials for, like, I Frankenstein, all I want to do is fucking throw my shoe at the TV set. Like, I have no interest in this kind of homoerotic mumbo jumbo. It's all just one big mess. I don't. What is that? Like, he's a dark overlord. The city has fallen under shadows. The fuck. How the. How old are you assholes? I know we have a comic book guy coming in next, so I'm gonna fucking yell at him, too. What's going on?

[Giovanni]

This is based on a comic book. Yeah, based on a comic book. This one wasn't screened for critics, Right? Nobody hides.

[Allison Rosen]

It's always a good sign.

[Giovanni]

So the story is Frankenstein, the monster who's taken on the name Adam. Adam Frankenstein is. Do you really care?

[Brian Bishop]

Have I lost my. Well, I just see the commercial like, I am my father's son. Really? Because I'm actually the son of my uncle whose neighbor lived. The fuck isn't the son of their fucking dad, you asshole. Yeah, shut up.

[Giovanni]

It looks terrible. The users on our side aren't interested.

[Brian Bishop]

Yuck.

[Giovanni]

So I don't have a score for that. You know, I'd Love to see Aaron Eckhart do better things, but I picked Universal Monsters. You know the classics. Wolfman, Mummy, Invisible Man. So we're gonna go look at some movies. First up, Universal resurrected one of their classic monsters in 2010, casting Benicio del Toro as the Wolfman.

[Brian Bishop]

Ooh, this one's tough.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't even remember this movie.

[Giovanni]

Anthony Hopkins is in it, Hugo Weaving is in it. Emily Blunt's the co star, directed by Joe Johnston, who directed Captain America and Honey, I Shrunk the Kids.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, pretty good cast. Remember hearing a ton of great things about it? But I'm just gonna write down a number. Has everyone written their number down?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, I wrote down 46.

[Adam Carolla]

I wrote down 62.

[Allison Rosen]

And I'm right in the middle. I said 55. This is nominated for an Oscar, wasn't it?

[Giovanni]

I believe for makeup.

[Brian Bishop]

Special fact.

[Giovanni]

I believe for makeup, you're all way over 34%.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, there you go. That's why we don't remember it.

[Giovanni]

All right, next up, Universal did find some box office success when they adapted the 1932 Boris Karloff film the Mummy in 1999. So I'm looking for the 1999 Mummy, starring Brendan Fraser as the hero. Arnold Vosloo plays the Mummy. It's with Rachel Vyse.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I remember that.

[Giovanni]

And Polly Shore, Encino Man.

[Brian Bishop]

I remember that. Had some success. I did not see it.

[Giovanni]

Very well.

[Brian Bishop]

At the box office. Wells. All right. Did very well at the box office.

[Adam Carolla]

But that doesn't necessarily mean.

[Brian Bishop]

Or are they.

[Adam Carolla]

Or they're not.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, I'm coming back again just to show my range. 46.

[Allison Rosen]

Whoa. I remember this actually being a decent movie. I said 70.

[Adam Carolla]

Damn it. I said 54.

[Allison Rosen]

I could be wrong.

[Giovanni]

55%.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow. All right.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Giovanni]

The audience number on this is much higher at 75%. This is one that I think the critics are a little harsher on than they need to be. I like this movie. I mean, it's fun. It's not great.

[Brian Bishop]

They're always harsh on these kinds of movies. I mean, when the Mummy comes out and you're a critic who's worth a salt, you're just not gonna lick its balls. You don't lick mummy balls.

[Allison Rosen]

No, you don't. A lot of unwrapping to do.

[Brian Bishop]

Here we go.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, cough.

[Giovanni]

Next up, Francis Ford Coppola's follow up to the Godfather 3, Bram Stoker's Dracula in 1992. Gary Oldman plays the title character. This is the one that also has Winona Ryder, Keanu Reeves, Anthony Hopkins, Tom Waits. Tom Waits eating Bugs, if you remember that one.

[Brian Bishop]

Geez, I can't remember.

[Giovanni]

Oldman had big, crazy white hair.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, yeah, I probably saw this thing. The problem is, there was that De Niro movie where he played the devil. That came out about the same Pacino. A Pacino movie? Yeah, about the same time. Yeah, yeah.

[Giovanni]

The Devil's Advocates.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. And the. Whatever Heart. Black Heart or Angel Heart or something.

[Adam Carolla]

Angel Heart was the narrow movie with Lisa Bonet.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. All right, so this is for him. All right. I'm going to say I have no idea. 61.

[Adam Carolla]

I said 82.

[Allison Rosen]

I said 60.

[Giovanni]

Allison's on a roll 79% of the time.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't remember it getting that.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, the name Coppola carried a lot more weight back then.

[Giovanni]

Well, a lot of people do think he redeemed himself. This movie did pretty well at the box office. You know, they made it for 40 million. It opened to, like, 30. It made $215 million worldwide. A lot of people, again, thought Coppola did a much better job with that than Godfather 3. And it inspired that same studio, Columbia, to take a chance on the next movie on our list. Mary Shelley's Frankenstein. This is the one with. This is the one that Kenneth Branagh directs and stars as Victor Frankenstein. De Niro plays the monster.

[Brian Bishop]

First off, I didn't like these movies anyway. And then when they started telling us who wrote the book, it made me give even less of a shit. Oh, Mary Shelley's Frankenstein, Bitch. I never heard of it. Died 100 years ago.

[Giovanni]

Groucho Marx's Frankenstein.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, or Tyler Perry's.

[Allison Rosen]

So this is your father's Frankenstein.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait, what year was this?

[Giovanni]

This was 1994. This was two years after Dracula. It's from the same studio.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, hold on a second. G needs some information for his calculations. You need the last. I did 61. On the last. Brian did 60. Allison did 75.

[Adam Carolla]

82.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, you did 82. And it was 79. 79. Sorry. All right. There. Got it. Okay, sorry. Where were we?

[Giovanni]

All right, Mary Shelley's Frankenstein, what year? 1994. This was clearly Sony trying to. Sony Columbia trying to capitalize off of their success with Bram Stoker's Dracula.

[Allison Rosen]

All right, I think I confused the last two movies.

[Brian Bishop]

I.

[Allison Rosen]

This one should be 60. That's what I want.

[Brian Bishop]

I got 57.

[Adam Carolla]

I did 82 again. Although I really want. Wanted and want to change it, but I'm not going to.

[Giovanni]

You should have changed it should have 40, 40%.

[Adam Carolla]

There goes my lead.

[Giovanni]

You were doing so well.

[Allison Rosen]

I think you're in the lead now.

[Brian Bishop]

Who, me? I'm pretty sure. I don't know. Yeah, it could be. It's pretty close. All right.

[Adam Carolla]

I feel like I'm gambling in Vegas. I just crapped out.

[Giovanni]

All right, so the early 90s was a good time if you wanted to see people take great liberties with these stories and completely screw them up. Or not. Big departure from the classic story based on a novel by the same name. Memoirs of an Invisible man was seen as an attempt to turn a universal monster into kind of an action thriller. This is the one with Chevy Chase.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, wow. Almost no recollection of this even happening.

[Giovanni]

Yeah. Directed by John Carpenter.

[Brian Bishop]

What year are we talking about?

[Giovanni]

1992.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow. I see. I sort of remember that.

[Giovanni]

This is the one where Chevy Chase is this businessman and he's attending a party and something happens and he ends up invisible. And Sam Neill is the government agent who's trying to turn him into a spy, and he just wants to go back to being, like a stock trader or whatever. Daryl Hanna's the girlfriend in this.

[Adam Carolla]

And it's not a comedy.

[Giovanni]

They didn't know what it was. It's kind of a comedy. It's kind of an action thriller.

[Brian Bishop]

It's no Modern Problems with Chevy Chase, that's for damn sure. Chevy Chase made some really shitty movies. And by the way, the one movie I'm gonna kind of try to think, you know, Fletch, is the comedy Goonies of whatever generation, which is. There's always a group that stands by Fletch, and they're between the ages of 31 and 43. Because you have to be the right age. When a movie like that comes out, if you're old, too old or too young, you realize it's not that good a movie and not that funny. You can figure out that sweet spot.

[Giovanni]

I think that window is higher than you think it is.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh. Either way, if you talk to somebody. I met some chick once, I went, what's your favorite comedy? She went, dirty Rotten Scoundrels. I said, that's your favorite comedy? And she's like, all time. And then I did, like a weird math, and I went, oh, you saw it when you're 14. When you're 14, everything is fucking funny.

[Allison Rosen]

Fletch tickled a young 12 year old.

[Brian Bishop]

You see, Fletch, when you're 37 for the first time. You don't think it's that funny.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, all right. This Is okay. Now, this is really, really separate the men from the boys here. Oh, shit.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it could.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay. Fuck. I don't remember this thing. All right, I'm going 19.

[Allison Rosen]

I had 33 across that went 25.

[Adam Carolla]

I have 37, and I want to go lower, but you know What? Fuck it, 37 should have gone lower.

[Brian Bishop]

Fuck.

[Giovanni]

23.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow. Fuck. I had 22 written down and jumped. I had 22 written down and jumped down.

[Giovanni]

Allison. You got to go with your instincts.

[Adam Carolla]

But my instincts are leading me astray.

[Brian Bishop]

It's tight. All right. What do we got? One more.

[Adam Carolla]

I gotta go with my second instinct.

[Giovanni]

Your second instinct?

[Brian Bishop]

Go with Brian's second instinct. I think it's still better than your first.

[Allison Rosen]

In this case, it was.

[Brian Bishop]

Do we have.

[Giovanni]

I think we did five.

[Brian Bishop]

That's five, right? We did. We gotta add it up.

[Giovanni]

I do have a tiebreaker in case of a tie.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, we'll see. Ooh, Sorry. Allison. Ah. Allison, 88. Paul Bryan, 77. And Mr. Perfect Matinee Idol, Adam, the cash register. Corolla, 59, everybody.

[Giovanni]

Very well done.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. Allison. You really got out of the gate.

[Adam Carolla]

I know.

[Brian Bishop]

Really got out of that gate. And then. You know. You know what? You know what? Listen.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, good.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't like to comment on it.

[Adam Carolla]

No. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Far be for me. But you got up in your head. You got up in your head.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I did you know what? I asked what year. That's where it all fell apart for me.

[Brian Bishop]

Let me explain what happened, Brian. You've seen it many times in the NFL. You broke away. You're full back. Not used to touching the rock that much, but all of a sudden you had the rock in your hand. The fucking sea parted, and all of a sudden you saw daylight. And you're toting that rock for the goal line, and you're good 35 yards off, but there's nobody around you. And you know what you did?

[Adam Carolla]

I looked up.

[Brian Bishop]

You looked up. No, you started looking at yourself on the jumbotron. You started physically looking up at yourself on the jumbotron.

[Giovanni]

Holy sh.

[Brian Bishop]

Here I am.

[Adam Carolla]

Look at me. I'm in the lead.

[Brian Bishop]

You got in your head.

[Adam Carolla]

I got this.

[Brian Bishop]

You saw yourself on the Jumbotron. And you started feeling your steps and running on your heels and.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. My feet feel funny.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And my hands do.

[Brian Bishop]

And a outside linebacker that was converted. And he played at Florida State.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. Put a little weight on the off season.

[Brian Bishop]

He was at free safety, Florida State. And Moody, he just fucking came up on you. And when he came up on You. He punched a ball out and you were looking again. You're upjimatron.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, technically, both of us.

[Brian Bishop]

It was both of us.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what, they can't take those.

[Giovanni]

Two one clips away from it.

[Brian Bishop]

No, they can't. All right, us doing a live podcast in Buffalo, Saturday, February 1st. And then me doing some live stand up in the Motor City Casino. That is Detroit, everybody. Thursday, January 30th so come on out, say hi, we'll take a couple phone calls and then we'll get to getting. Let's see. Elliot, line three.

[Caller]

Hey, how's it going? Huge fan.

[Brian Bishop]

Thanks, man. What's going on?

[Caller]

So about a year ago I moved to a new town for this job. The job's going all right, but I don't really know how I'm supposed to meet any girls. I really need any. And I've heard you mention on the show before that you wish you were younger these days because the Internet makes it so easy, but it really just doesn't work. I was hoping you could give me some advice.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, are you gonna. What is the new job? Job?

[Caller]

I do software support. It's like a technology company.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Anybody you work with, they're all a bit older.

[Caller]

The guy sit next to is in his 70s.

[Brian Bishop]

He doesn't have a sister that's in her early 60s.

[Caller]

Got 25 grandchildren.

[Brian Bishop]

25.

[Adam Carolla]

There's gotta be some fuckable ones in that.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow. Yeah, you can nail a couple of the grandkids. I mean, I do feel like there might be. Might be able to work that one out. He's got kids in their 40s or 50s. Might have a couple of 20 something year old grandkids out there. I would recommend for anybody who's trying to meet people. The more shit you're into or can sort of feign interest in, the more people you're gonna meet. So you get out and get into, you know, your Sunday group that does the mountain biking or whatever.

[Allison Rosen]

High fashion photography.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, whatever. Whatever that is, it's gonna, it's gonna help because you're gonna have a bunch of people and you're gonna be sort of thrust together. I still would just sign up for a whole bunch of those, like website, you know, dating whatevers. How's that work?

[Caller]

It's really like a rich man, poor man thing. You have the girls who know their supermodels and they just want to see 100 guys messaging them. And then you have your other girls who haven't really got a lot of guys attention, you know, and you go through and it's just like. I mean, I'm not a picky guy, but, you know, I've been on the Internet pretty much since I got here, and it's like I need to find another way.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, and you have. No. Have you made any friends since you've moved, other than the senior who works in the cubicle next to you? Few work friends, but they're really all.

[Caller]

Guys, and they're kind of in the same boat anytime one girl comes by.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, well, Elliot, let me turn the tables on you. What's good about you?

[Caller]

What's good about me? I don't know. I like good music.

[Brian Bishop]

That's someone else. I mean, that's someone else making music and you, you know, nodding your head. Yeah, what do I do?

[Caller]

I mean, I like what I do at work, but I don't know if girls are really interested in coding.

[Brian Bishop]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

Probably. Okay. Everyone's shaking their head.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Giovanni]

No, as someone who works on the web, I can assure you.

[Brian Bishop]

Are you nice looking?

[Caller]

I like to think so. Had a lot better luck in high school, you know, when I knew people.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, everyone would like to think they're good looking. Doesn't really answer my question, but I think it's a modest way of saying yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Elliot, what town did you move to?

[Caller]

Poughkeepsie. New York?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Oh, that's what I thought. Yeah. I thought you were. I thought you were from Tuskegee and you're, like, in Alabama or something. We're looking at the screen. I just figured first I thought it was Tuskegee we're trying to get to, and then I. Which I think's in Alabama, right?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. And then I real. Then it said New York, and then at that point, I stopped caring.

[Adam Carolla]

I thought it probably was Poughkeepsie, but after my not knowing that Turlock was a town yesterday, I thought maybe there really is a toughkeetesie. Well, how, like, rural is Poughkeepsie? How remote is it?

[Caller]

Yeah, well, Poughkeepsie is. Isn't that rural, but I actually live in a little town a little ways south of it. City's a little big, but.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, listen. Families, Elliot, we don't. We don't have magic wands here. You have a goddamn computer. Sign up for a bunch of those Internet website dating things and then get involved with a bunch of shit, you know, groups and things and stuff and, you know, just get out there.

[Adam Carolla]

But if you like music, go to shows.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Caller]

Yeah, I do, somewhat.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, he's depressing me. I Don't think. I don't think people are attracted to him because of his attitude. Controversial. Joe 36, Vermont.

[Caller]

What's up, Adam?

[Brian Bishop]

What's going on?

[Caller]

Not much, man. Just wanted to know if you and Allison have ever gotten into a fight.

[Adam Carolla]

Baby corn.

[Brian Bishop]

We don't like baby. I mean, he's a physical altercation.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, whatever.

[Brian Bishop]

Whatever arguments I believe we've gotten into, we've gotten into on the air, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't think we've gotten into any off air arguments. Is that what you're talking about?

[Caller]

Yeah. I mean, if you guys have a really interesting relationship and it seems like you're almost protective of Allison sometimes and it just.

[Brian Bishop]

No, I think. I mean, I'll give my opinion. I think we differ politically a lot, but we don't really differ as human beings that much.

[Adam Carolla]

I think you're right.

[Brian Bishop]

Everyone thinks everyone's a good person who come from different political points of view, but I wish there was more of that. I don't know why people have to get lumped in with who they vote for. Their team, so to speak. I mean, I know you have to kind of just vilify the other guy, and it makes things easier in life, in war and everything. But it's weird. It's like, look at every marriage that ends in divorce or, well, say 90% of marriages that end in divorce. You have two people that @ some point were attracted enough to one another to fuck all the time. I mean, that's where it starts. Someone's at a party and sees somebody and goes, I want to. It's not never like, I'm going to divorce that woman. It's more be more realistic.

[Giovanni]

I'm looking for my future ex.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. You have two people that are attracted enough to one another to, you know, go talk, go out on dates, court each other, live together, take a vow together, exchange jewelry and go on vacation to Maui.

[Adam Carolla]

At some point, they thought they were each other's soulmate.

[Brian Bishop]

Right. Married, have the kids, raise the kids, and then at some point it devolves into, I never want to see you again. Are you sicken me or. That was the ugliest, you know, two years of my life, that divorce or whatever it is.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my God, so stupid.

[Brian Bishop]

It is interesting how we are able or for some reason wired to vilify other people who we disagree with. Because then the divorce comes around and now you disagree. You want, well, you shouldn't get half, or I should get this, or you shouldn't get the house, or I should get custody. Of the kids and then you turn them into monsters one way or the other.

[Adam Carolla]

I think that's a really. That's like our sort of very base lizard brain primitive thinking, which is, you know, when you're a baby, it's like you sort of parse the world and this is me and this is everything else and everything's one or the other, all good or all bad.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, it's like how fairy tales are. No, I don't think. You see, it would be impossible to carry out war if we didn't think that way. Because you couldn't kill strangers if you.

[Adam Carolla]

Could understand their nuance.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I mean, if you really sort of think about people, no one, you know, including yourself, theoretically, could kill. Now asking to kill other 23 year old dudes you don't know is fairly insane. The only way you can do it is if you, you know, it's why the war posters of, you know, World War II had Japanese looking like giant rats, you know, that were going to eat Americans and stuff like that. You know, it's like crazy. That's how you can get whipped up to kill the tribe.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, they did take some artistic license.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, they did. But how are you going to kill other young strangers that are basically your contemporaries? If this was another time, you might be going to college with these guys. How are you going to put a bullet in their head or spear through the back of their spine? And you must vilify them in order to do that. These things that are inside of us never go away. They just take on different shapes. So now there's no wars going on, there's no neighboring tribes, there's no anything. So we've broken it into this weird intellectual world where you see it in sports too. See it in sports too? Yeah. As a matter of fact, that's. It's probably why sports are so viscerally attractive. You know what I mean? Like that. Why. So we need that outlet. We're not fighting any wars. Why are video games so attractive? Why is all this stuff so attractive? Joe?

[Caller]

Yes. And speaking of things inside of us, I was wondering, have you ever, ever removed Allison's tampon?

[Brian Bishop]

No, but would you like to?

[Allison Rosen]

We'll have a road trip coming up.

[Brian Bishop]

The day is young. We have a road trip coming up and I am growing out my nails.

[Adam Carolla]

I nicked myself just the other day and I thought, how the fuck did I do that?

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, with the ripcord.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I was going in, not out, but still.

[Brian Bishop]

I see. Yeah, I'd be. I've said it Many times I'd make a horrible woman. First off, I'd be a horrible mood wise. Secondly, I would always be out of tampons and maxi pads. I would be using socks and Persian cats and just about anything that had.

[Giovanni]

I don't know, though. See, I think the minute you have the bad accident, like, you learn your lesson, right?

[Adam Carolla]

You'd think.

[Giovanni]

You'd think. Really?

[Adam Carolla]

I constantly surprised by how this can be happening when I've had my period for this many years.

[Giovanni]

But there's like a whole. Like, it could be some woman that is your worst enemy. But if you're in that emergency, my understanding is like, there's the club, right?

[Adam Carolla]

It's like I would pull the tampon right out of her and use it.

[Giovanni]

I don't mean like that you would lend up on. There's that sisterhood, right? It's the bond. Like, I need one of these. Oh, okay. Yeah, right. Because you don't want to be right.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, that's true. But at a certain point, it's pond.

[Brian Bishop]

It forward, they call it.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like if you really need a cigarette and the person only has menthols, like, it can happen that they have a tampon that is not the kind you use and you will use it, but you don't feel good about it.

[Brian Bishop]

Mm.

[Giovanni]

Right. But I mean more along the lines of like, you'll lend that to or you'll give it to someone even if you don't normally like that girl.

[Adam Carolla]

That is true.

[Giovanni]

Because it's the pay it forward or the pond it forward.

[Brian Bishop]

Pond it forward.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Speaking of cigarettes, I feel like a bundle of cigarettes would work too. I mean, not ideally.

[Allison Rosen]

No filters there and there.

[Adam Carolla]

Nicotine might get to stay away from an open flame.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. All right, last one before we go to break. Travis. Hey, Adam.

[Caller]

How's it going?

[Brian Bishop]

24? What's going on From Toronto?

[Caller]

You got it. I'm actually calling because I was listening to Ray on Dr. Drew earlier this week, and he mentioned that when you started doing stand up, you had a Persona by the name of Vic Vegas. I was just kind of curious. I never heard the story about that before. Like, what it was about, what it was like, how it came, where it came from.

[Brian Bishop]

I know. Well, first off, Ray's insane. Secondly, I did an open mic at the Comedy Store. And the first time I did an open mic at the Comedy Store, I did Vic Vegas because I had no act to do. I did this bad. I guess it'd be kind of loosely based on Bill Murray. What was his Character's name? Oh, it was the lounge singer, the loud singer guy. It really. It was just stupid. Nothing but Star wars, right? I don't know why. There's a really good one where he was on the train that was funny, but it was. It was basically. It was based on being 21 and not having jokes or point of view or anything and having to kill three minutes. So I just did this thing just to get up on stage. It didn't go very well, so he was quickly retired. And as I said, it was one of those things kind of out of a movie where when I was done, my friends who came to see me were like, oh, yeah, no, that was, you know. And then I went with one of them back to her house and she had like her old timey recordaphone, you know, phone answering thing. And she went like, let me check my messages. And she checked it and it was her friend, like, Pam calling, going, oh, hey, this is Pam. I don't know where you guys are at. And then the other. You could hear the whole recording with her sister picking up the other line. Remember when you picked up on another.

[Allison Rosen]

Phone in the house?

[Brian Bishop]

Remember when you pick up on another phone of the house and it would keep recording? And she's like, hello? Oh, hi. Oh, Pam, what's going on? Oh, we just saw Adam over at the Comedy Store and my friend Janie went to go. Shut it. Like, she was like, you're not gonna wanna. And I was like, I need to hear whatever this is. And she started like, would you like me to. It was a kind of put your dog down kind of move, look like a vet, going, do you wanna be here? You wanna be here for this? And I said, yeah, I wanna be here for this. And so it was just like, tell.

[Giovanni]

To me straight, doc.

[Brian Bishop]

And it was, well, it's the truth. Like, you know, you wonder about the truth all times. You're like, are they just saying that because I'm. Are they or they really feel I have to say that because you're the. This was just a conversation being recorded where they didn't know the conversation was being recorded. And one of them just got back from the show and the other was curious, how'd it go? Was he funny? Did people laugh? And it's like, don't ask. It was this brutal as it could get. It's your worst nightmare. It is your first bad review. You summoning up the courage to try three minutes of standup in an open mic and then literally going home and hearing a recording of somebody's unvarnished opinion of exactly how it went. Who was there telling someone who wasn't there just how much it sucked.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm surprised you stuck with it after that.

[Brian Bishop]

I didn't run back up on stage after that. I. I basically went, maybe stand up isn't your bag. And that's probably about the time I went over to the Groundlings and thought maybe sketch improv or something like that would be a better home for you. I soon found out that that wasn't really a good home or good fit either. So it was. I'm only Here only had whatever career I've had out of sheer desperation. If my dad had a chain of unfinished furniture stores and it would have let me manage two of them, I would not be here right now. I was just like, I'm not gonna fucking dig ditches and pick up garbage on a construction site for the rest of my life. It was sheer desperation. It wasn't. I literally just, I wanna own a home. I wanna drive something other than a truck. This is the only way I could think to do it. So it wasn't like, I'm gonna persevere or I'm better than this, or I'm only gonna grow stronger. There was none of that. It was just like. Like, my life sucks so badly in the construction world that out of sheer desperation, I just pushed myself back onto that stage again.

[Allison Rosen]

Enter Vic Vegas.

[Brian Bishop]

Enter Vic Vegas. All right, let's take ourselves a little break. Joe Casey is coming in. He does comic books. I hate comic books. But he's one of the creators of Ben 10, which is a really cool animated show that my son is absolutely in love with. So I will kiss some Joe Casey ass. And Matt Atcherty, Everybody. Rotten Tomatoes. Rottentomatoes.com I go there all the time. I love to check everyone else and see what the scores are and see how the critics versus the top critics and all that good stuff. What's coming up. Rottentomatoes.com thanks, Matt. We'll be right back after this. It's time to check Adam's voicemail. Ace. Man, I got bruised balls. I banged this broad the other night. She was sucking on him too long, I guess.

[Caller]

Is it like a hickey?

[Brian Bishop]

Can I get a hickey on my ball sack? Like, that's kind of what I'm asking. Yeah, you can leave us a message at 888-634-1744. I particularly like the calls we get from finishing school, you know, nice, humble brag.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. I don't know what to do with your balls. My only ball lesson, I can tell you is that they're more porous than other parts of your body. For instance, you can take your finger and you can dip it in a cup of gasoline and you won't really feel anything. You put your balls in a beaker of gasoline, you will feel something.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you do that?

[Brian Bishop]

Not a beaker, but I have. You know, when you work on cars.

[Allison Rosen]

Enough, it's a graduated cylinder.

[Brian Bishop]

The fuel. Yeah, it's a little different than a beaker. I didn't heat it. I'm not a weirdo. Joe Casey here, he's got himself. Good to see you again, Jeff.

[G]

Thanks. So funny you played my voicemail on the day I came in for an interview.

[Brian Bishop]

We just thought it'd make sense. Joe's created many comics and worked on many comics, and as I've said, my son is a Ben 10. Ben 10 is cool. Cartoon Network teenage boy can turn into 10 different. It's kind of a little bit of that Arabian Nights thing if you're old enough. Do you remember Arabian Nights?

[G]

That's exactly how we pitched it. The Cartoon Network executive's like, yeah, size of a camel.

[Brian Bishop]

They'd do that and the guy would turn into, like, a camel. But it would never. No, it would never quite work out. Anyway. I'm guessing you grew up reading comics.

[G]

Sure, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

And what does that say about somebody? And I don't mean that in a leading or pejorative way, but you're tall, you're fairly strapping, you look able bodied. Did you grow up in some cold weather climate? Why'd you grow up? What was going on? That you grew up reading comics. Oh, good God. I feel like you could have been a, you know, star of the basketball team.

[G]

Well, no, I wasn't at all. I think that the term late bloomer probably applies. You know, so before you bloom, you.

[Brian Bishop]

Right. You read comic books. Yeah.

[G]

You just deal with whatever you got.

[Brian Bishop]

Right. And where'd you grow up? Tennessee doesn't feel like comic book country.

[G]

No, not at all. In fact, I. You know, the joke is that I moved to Los Angeles to get paid for all the things I got made fun of when I was growing up in Tennessee.

[Brian Bishop]

And you've worked for D.C. and you've worked for Marvel, and is there something. Is there a favorite? I mean, you've done stuff with X Men, Incredible Hulk and Flash and Superman, stuff like that. Is there one that you like and then one that you think is lame?

[G]

Well, I like them all, but they're all Lame.

[Brian Bishop]

Really?

[G]

Yeah, you know, you gotta kinda embrace the lameness.

[Brian Bishop]

I used to like the Spider man cartoon series because he was always fucking up. Like it would always start off with he had a date and then Rhino man would come to town and then he'd all screwed up with Rhino man. And then by the time he got to the date, she'd already left.

[G]

That's right.

[Brian Bishop]

And it always, always. They always cut off that part where he was at home cursing and beating off at the end. But. And it had like the swinginous song ever.

[G]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

I mean it had the swinginous, like just crazy horns and bongos and like way before any of the syntho shit that is out there.

[G]

Now we work on the. We produce the Spider Man. The first two seasons of the Spider man show on Disney now. And there's no theme song. They have no theme song.

[Brian Bishop]

What the.

[G]

I know.

[Brian Bishop]

Find Me or Brian will find it. But if you find the original Cartoon Spider man probably 60s Spider man theme song. It is.

[G]

It's groovy.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. I mean it's. I'm trying to think of. I mean, it's almost Hawaii 5o. It's that fucking good. Sure Brian will dig that out for you.

[G]

Or the bongos.

[Brian Bishop]

Spider Man, Spider man does whatever a spider can Spins a web any size Catches thieves Just like Clyde's lookout Here comes the spider man Is he strong? Listen bud, it's catchy. He's got radioactive blood can you swing from a threat? Take a look overhead hey there, There goes a spider man in the chill of night at the scene of a crime Like a streak of light he arrives just in time Spider Man, Spider Man Friendly neighborhood Spider man well conveyed he's ignored Action is his reward to him life is a great big bang Wherever there's a hang up you'll find a spider man. It's just big orchestra. It's almost like piccolos in that last verse.

[G]

It's like the singing is out of time with the music. I noticed there for the first time.

[Allison Rosen]

Doesn't make it cool.

[Brian Bishop]

You gotta get a new theme, man.

[G]

I agree. We fought for it.

[Brian Bishop]

They don't have it in the budget. What's up?

[G]

I guess so.

[Adam Carolla]

Kids don't do themes these days.

[G]

I don't think so. Remember the theme songs when I grew up, you know, explained the whole show to Gilligan's island, the Brady Bunch and told you what you were about to watch.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh yeah. I mean, you didn't have to watch a show. It laid so much pipe. You knew exactly what was going On. Oh, and they were all good. Like Jonny Quest kicked ass. Well, now I gotta find Johnny Quest. Loved me some. They all had. They were arranged like they had big orchestras and they were incredibly well done. And I just think it's one of those things where because of technology, we'll never go back to getting 60 session musicians all in the one roof and the kind of money that would cost to do it. Today, Joe, his work can be featured or is featured in. Is it this month's Playboy? January, February 2014. Boy, it's been a while since I picked up.

[G]

Got some heft to it, doesn't it?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it does sort of semi ironically.

[G]

Costs about $25 now.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, and it kind of makes it official because I'm sure you grew up staring at your dad's Playboy in your garage.

[G]

Every dad's Playboy's in the neighborhood. You had to, you know, cross pawn it with your buddies.

[Adam Carolla]

Did every dad get Playboy?

[Brian Bishop]

No, they had two. And you hope two itches. Yeah, like my fucking dad didn't have Playboys. It was like mine didn't either.

[G]

I admit he didn't.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm so angry at him for that. But I would go babysit Reevy and Ronnie, the Israeli kids that were up the street, and their dad, Izzy had a Playboy, had two Playboys and that was it. I could remember. I don't think people really know. I mean, or not really know, but you forget the hormones. Like 13 year old boys just staring at this page like literally coming up. It's a sort of weird science kind of thing where you're like, what if I could just grab a booby and.

[Adam Carolla]

Then web shoot out of your penis?

[Brian Bishop]

All right, if you find Jonny Quest, tell me. I think we have it. That's a killer song.

[G]

A lot of animal noises.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, you get the idea. Just big, big horns.

[G]

I will say this. Pedal drums, the original Ben 10. The first couple of seasons had a great theme song with lyrics and the whole bit and we were quite proud.

[Brian Bishop]

Now did you, did you? I. I don't like to brag, but I wrote half the lyrics to the man show. I think I. Below, I think grab your. That one could have been mine. Quit your job in line of art. It's your favorite private part. It's the men's show. It's a place where people come together. They'll get their hands on this chicken head. Doggy girls won't trampoline like the Loosey Go Boutique. It's funny. Yeah, I think. Light a fart, grab your pants. Favorite pirate part, Send the wife and kid to France.

[G]

Who wrote the line, and this is where men can come together.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yeah.

[G]

Quite a double entendre.

[Brian Bishop]

It certainly was. Although I never thought of it.

[G]

Oh, sorry.

[Brian Bishop]

It is weird when you're sitting in an office trying to write stupid lyrics to a song. All right, we have some news. The comic book. Now what? What? Joe, where should we steer people? If they want to, they can get this month's Playboy to see your work and other things. And other things. Where else can we go?

[G]

I do a couple of comics right now through Image Comics. One's called the Bounce, the other's called Sex, which I cut right to the chase.

[Brian Bishop]

What is a good selling comic book or graphic novel these days?

[G]

Well, I'll put it in perspective. A good selling comic book, like the floppies that used to buy off the newsstand, now a good selling comic is 70,000, 80,000amonth.

[Brian Bishop]

That's pretty hefty.

[G]

That's pretty good. Best selling authors would kill for that number.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yeah, for sure.

[G]

Like novelists and things like that. But it used to be there were times where comics would sell in the hundreds of thousands. When we were kids, the comics that you'd see at 7:11 were probably selling 200,000, 300,000.

[Brian Bishop]

Right. But like anything else, I mean, Dukes of Hazzard probably got a 31 share or something. And it's just. And now people are over the moon. If bar Rescue gets 2 million viewers, that's a huge hit. So it's just, you just adjust your expectations. You break the pie off a little.

[G]

Bit smaller pieces and the economics have gotten smarter. You can make more selling less. Like back then, half of those comics that ended up in 7:11 fell off the back of a truck somewhere and never to be seen again. The mob had something to do with it.

[Brian Bishop]

And the guys that were responsible for creating it and maybe executing it probably never saw that paycheck.

[G]

No, they were in a patent clerk office somewhere.

[Brian Bishop]

Speaking of illustrations, by the way, Michael Naron has finally finished the World's Most Interesting Man's Ex Wife. It was my Mangria campaign I was working on. He's gainfully employed over at the Family Guy.

[Allison Rosen]

Really puts a crimp in your marketing plans.

[Brian Bishop]

Took a good six months, but we have basically the finished product. I thought we could show it here and also make it [e-mail] and you can check it out, YouTube, pass it along and that kind of stuff. A couple of new funny vignettes in it. And again, it sort of works if you just listen to it. But it'll work better when you go to AdamCroll.com take a look at it. YouTube or what have you. Let's play that. And now Mangria presents the most interesting.

[Allison Rosen]

Man in the world.

[Brian Bishop]

Ex wife.

[Adam Carolla]

The most interesting man in the world. He claims he's from Spain. He was born in Burbank.

[Brian Bishop]

His father was a famous sword maker.

[Adam Carolla]

He worked at an airport. The most interesting man in the world.

[Brian Bishop]

He cried for two weeks after the castled out. He was on disability for three years for what he called environmental allergies.

[Adam Carolla]

He's terrified of dragonflies.

[Brian Bishop]

He claims to be a tourist, but he's really a dick. I told him for his 40th birthday.

[Adam Carolla]

He could bring someone new into our bedroom. I got home that night, I. Somebody's been naughty getting started before. Mommy.

[Brian Bishop]

What the fuck?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't always drink, but when I want to forget my line. Ass clown of an ex husband who's.

[Brian Bishop]

Traveling the world with a suitcase full of bullshit.

[Adam Carolla]

I prefer Mangria.

[Brian Bishop]

I need her. Mangria. Available online or at a local retailer near you. Check corolladrinks.com for details. I don't always drink.

[Adam Carolla]

Look at me. I.

[Brian Bishop]

Stop it. Well, there it is, everybody. The most interesting man in the world's ex wife.

[G]

I like the Cheetos dust wiping it off on his.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, gotta give. Michael Naron is doing on the the details. He does not miss the details. So if you want to see something funny and share with a friend, check it out. All right. Shall we do a little news? Allison Rosen. The news with Allison Rosen. She'll read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. It's all Allison, Allison. And when it's time to wrap it up, she'll sign it off with Zip it, cunt. It's Allison. Allison.

[Adam Carolla]

Justin Bieber is back in the news, and I must confess, I didn't want to click on it. I personally am sick of Justin Bieber, but I was told this is real fucking news. Actually, not what I was told, but just that everyone. It is big. Everyone's talking about it. Okay, so he is facing driving under the influence and other charges after he raced through a Miami beach neighborhood in a rented Lamborghini, cursed at cops, and resisted arrest and admitted to consuming drugs and alcohol. His blood alcohol level was under the state's legal limit of 0.08, but he was unable to pass field sobriety tests at the scene. The results of a urine test are still pending. He was charged with a dui, resisting arrest, and driving with a suspended license. He posted Bond, which was 2,500, and was released about an hour after his court appearance. As he left the jail, he got on top of an SUV and waved to the car crowd.

[Brian Bishop]

Ooh, like Michael Jackson.

[Adam Carolla]

And after his arrest, he admitted to consuming alcohol and prescription medications and smoking marijuana. The cop said that he was a little belligerent with the officers at the scene. He said, why the fuck are you doing this? Why the fuck? What did I do? Why did you stop me? That's what he was saying to the cops. I ain't got no fucking weapons. Why do you have to search me? He had a flushed face, bloodshot eyes, and the odor of alcoholic beverages on his face. Breath. At the holding facility. And we have the photo of his mugshot.

[Brian Bishop]

Mm, the mug shot.

[Adam Carolla]

No, he takes a good mug shot.

[Brian Bishop]

But then looks like Miley Cyrus. I mean, he's got the same hair, same brow, same features.

[Adam Carolla]

There was actually a little something something showing that on Reddit today.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, really?

[Adam Carolla]

Which will pull up. But in the meantime, here's a. So Seth Rogen tweeted, all jokes aside, Justin Bieber is a piece of shit. And look how many retweets and favorites it got. It got 83.9 thousand retweets and 70.6 thousand favorites. So apparently a lot of people feel this way.

[Brian Bishop]

You know, a couple things. First off, these guys he was driving looked to me like a rented Lamborghini Gallardo. And. Oh, is this. I was the first person to come up with this.

[Adam Carolla]

No, but I. But didn't they sens me in, like, before makeup, after makeup. That's what Matt Achdy was saying.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, the thing is this. I don't know why, but I saw something. They were talking about Paris Hilton the other day, and she has.

[Allison Rosen]

Seems almost quaint now, doesn't it?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it does. She has a Ferrari, and she has. She has a Lexus lfa, which is, like, the most incredible piece of technological equipment ever. It's a $400,000 Toyota supercar. Basically, she has a McLaren. And the thing about. And I'm getting to him and his Gallardo. You can always tell when people don't know about cars. They call it a Lamborghini Gallardo, but it's a Gallardo. That's what it looked like from the picture I saw. It was like a yellow Gallardo. It's sad, first off, that like. Like McLaren. McLaren has so much technology into this piece of automotive sculpture, this technological wonder. That they build. The tub is made of aerospace materials and carbon fiber. And this, that. I walk through that car with the guy, like the head engineer of the McLaren, and it's insane how much incredible technology is in it. And then Paris Hilton just, you know, jumps in with no panties and heels on and drives it with her fucking dog underarm around Beverly Hills, over to Kitson or wherever the hell she's going. What the fuck? The guys who there's like, it took a team of, you know, engineers to make that world, beating 200. You know, the cars.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, what is the intended application of the car Racing?

[Brian Bishop]

It's like. It's one of these things where. No, it's just everyone's being. It's like the guy you see driving, riding around on the $21,000 mountain bike status, 40 pounds overweight. It's just. He's telling you about the carbon fiber frame and about the sealed ceramic bearings and all in the drag coefficiency. Meanwhile, he's not doing shit, you know what I'm saying? But just to know.

[Adam Carolla]

I do. I'm just wondering when they build cars like that, what is really intended for them.

[Brian Bishop]

They really build them to show off.

[G]

Status.

[Brian Bishop]

And to go, look what we can do. Look, we can take this 3.6 liter V8, put four turbochargers on it, get 632 brake horsepower out of it. And, you know, that wind tunnel testing, and it's more stable over 200 miles an hour than it is under. You know, blah, blah. It'll go 0 to 60 faster than a fighter jet.

[Adam Carolla]

It's almost a concept car that people can own.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it's really. I don't know, I guess the equivalent to. I'm trying to think, you know, there's a version, the dude confusion version of this is how can a handbag cost $7,000? The fuck? It's a piece of as much leather as a baseball mitt with some dye. How could it be seven? And then the woman has to explain why, but we never really fully get it. That's this.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what Joe's saying. Status.

[Brian Bishop]

But this is all just insane technology, like aerospace technology brought to an automobile that costs $237,000 and that's a bargain for all the amount of man hours and R and D that's into it. But then Paris Hilton gets her lap dog, puts it in drive, and just cruises around and circles around Robertson, around the Ivy. And I don't know why. As a guy who loves cars, it pisses me off. And it Makes me mad that all these young little shits are driving around in these incredible pieces of art. But it also, I also understand that these cars have routinely 5 and 600 horsepower. The kind of stuff that had no street application back in the day. If it did, you would fire it up, it would blow out the windows of the neighbor's house like crazy, you know, and just home built dragsters essentially. Now you have this all wheel drive with the traction control and the anti lock brakes and all this kind of stuff with 550 horsepower and going 35 miles an hour in Dade county, feels like you're standing still in that incredible Italian piece of machinery with German running gear. So I could see everyone going. Every celebrity back in the day would go twice as fast as the speed limit. It's easy. They really need to just keep them out of those cars you're gonna speed.

[G]

Maybe they think they can outrun the paparazzi in these cars.

[Adam Carolla]

But also he shouldn't have been belligerent and shouldn't have been drinking and then getting behind the wheel.

[Brian Bishop]

The belligerent part is when once people, young and old, Canadian and American alike, when you get into this bubble of not having anyone say shut up, you're wrong. Sit down, zip it. Once you successfully pass a number of years of not having another human being say a word to you, that's negative, Then when the human being with the gun and the pepper spray comes walking at you in the uniform and tells you to sit down or shut up, you can't control that impulse to tell him to fuck off.

[Adam Carolla]

He's like Joffrey from Game of Thrones. I know that this means nothing to you, Adam.

[Brian Bishop]

I hear there's boobies.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, there are.

[Brian Bishop]

You know what? You know, you know what I just thought about? Every fucking celebrity needs one guy in their camp to periodically go, shut the fuck up, Sit down, listen to my direction. Your shit does stink. You may think you're a hot poo on a silver platter, you're cold diarrhea in a Dixie cup. And that way when they got pulled over with a buzz, they would have that little part of their brain that was used to when the guy went, I'm gonna need you to go ahead and step out of the car for me, okay? Right now, instead of the part of them that goes, what would you take your asshole pills this morning? What are you hassling me for? Because that's all. They don't know any different.

[Adam Carolla]

How this is gonna feel like a left turn. But how weird must it have been? For Elvis to have gone into the. Whatever he went into Air Force after having been successful and suddenly having to answer to people.

[Brian Bishop]

I think he went to the army, but I feel like he. Yeah, but he went like.

[Adam Carolla]

Guys, did he go into the celebrity wing?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, what they would do back in the day. Well, they did two. They had a lot of range. They would pull out guys like, I don't know, Joe DiMaggio or something, and they'd be like, you're going on bomber runs.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

The Major League Baseball over Europe, which was like a weird thing. So you're like, Ted Williams. I'm gonna. Yeah, you're gonna get a B17. Get up there. By the way, we lose two out of every four planes that go out. Don't come back. So go ahead. Splendid, Splinter. Have fun. Like, they did that. But then they would do stuff like if you were like Joe Louis, you do boxing exhibitions or something. You know, if you're Elvis, you're, you know, I don't know, singing for the troops or. Yeah. You know, upping morale, whatever it is.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, it wasn't wartime either.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, he had Korea.

[G]

Yeah, but Elvis went to Germany.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, but Korea, actually.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, that's my point.

[Allison Rosen]

Wasn't a war. And also, it wasn't all hands on deck conflict.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, but he was drafted. Right.

[Allison Rosen]

They sold a draft.

[Adam Carolla]

But my point just being that if you're a celebrity and you don't have anyone telling you. Well, he had the captain telling him what to do, but. And to suddenly be. That's what I mean, suddenly be in, like a very regimented situation where you do have to answer someone.

[Brian Bishop]

But I think it's like saying, see goodfellas, you're like, oh, these mobsters. And then they go to prison. But I think they get perks. It's the mobsters.

[Adam Carolla]

White collar Army.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Where they're bringing in the prosciutt and all the cheese and all the garlic and the guards are all in the.

[G]

Grift, you know, When Elvis went in the army, they stationed him in Germany. That's the only time he ever left America. The only time he ever went overseas was in the army.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, you know, if you had the class and grace of Graceland at your fingertips, why would you leave? Yeah, why'd you leave?

[Allison Rosen]

It's like being ever at once.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

I mean, the world at your fingertips.

[Brian Bishop]

If you had a piano covered in fur and a wall that had three TV sets built in with more fur around them, you wouldn't go anywhere.

[Adam Carolla]

I read Elvis in ME more than once. As a young child. Oddly romantic.

[Brian Bishop]

The part where he. The part of all these stories that get a little sketchy for me when it's like, well, Elvis was 19 or 20. Priscilla was 13, but for the first five years, it was hands off. And it's like he'd spent many an evening just sitting in her bedroom talking at the curls.

[Adam Carolla]

Totally fine with it.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. And it's sort of like, let me tell you something about being a celebrity and being 20. Those are prime fucking years. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

You don't waste them sitting on the edge of a bed talking.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Just staring at a calendar. So when are you going to be 18, sweetie?

[Allison Rosen]

Just shaking hand with a red pen, crossing out another day.

[Brian Bishop]

Four and a half. Or is it five and a half or four and a half? Four and a half years from now. Okay, I'll wait it out. I'll just. Yeah, just read more Nancy Drew. This is awesome.

[Allison Rosen]

Now, I would never transport a minor across state lines, but have you ever been to Arkansas?

[Brian Bishop]

That's right.

[Allison Rosen]

And would you like to go?

[Brian Bishop]

Would you like to go tonight?

[Adam Carolla]

So many love scenes are acted out between the two of you.

[Brian Bishop]

I know.

[Adam Carolla]

I love it.

[Brian Bishop]

I know. It's kind of homoerotic.

[Adam Carolla]

Speaking of love, or lack thereof, Captain and Tennille have called it quits after 39 years of marriage.

[Brian Bishop]

A couple things going on. First off, if you're. You should do a captain hat and sunglasses. Just in general. I'm gonna tell my kid, you know, my son, just do a captain hat and sunglasses. You'll never age, Axl Rose. Yeah. Just do. You'll always have. Everyone will know who you are, and you'll just be that guy. And there won't be any. No one ever does. To the guy in the captain hat with the sunglasses. Oh, boy. Father Time is really caught up there. And it's just that guy. It'd just be that guy. You're not gonna have a prime. But you never bought him out either. You know, they're never going. He was such a handsome young captain with those sunglasses back in the day. And now it's kinda nice. Put on the weight and stuff. You just are always gonna be that guy.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a classic. Yeah, always Gavin McLeod.

[Brian Bishop]

McLeod. Yeah. Stubing. I've always said this, or I've said this recently. Isn't it weird that people are getting divorced this far along and it's a new thing? It didn't exist back in the day. Once the kids grew up and left the house, if the parents were still together, they just fucking die together. In that same house. And now there's a lot of stories where I'm hearing about friends of mine whose parents got divorced when the friends were like, in their 30s and 40s. Once you're basically. There's a sort of thing where it's like, I don't know, once you're closer to San Francisco than you are to la, don't turn around.

[Adam Carolla]

This is kind of San Francisco being death.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, I agree with that. I should sit down and explain to elderly couples, like, look, you got 31 years under your belt. You have at best, maybe eight or ten left in you. What the fuck?

[Allison Rosen]

On the road, Triple life. You're in Turlock.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[G]

You know that sliding scale? They say 60 is the new 40 or 70 is the new 50.

[Brian Bishop]

That's what's going on. Yeah. Everyone's like, fuck it. There's all these websites for guys like me. And secondly, the whatever's the new whatever, so.

[Adam Carolla]

And if I only have eight years left, I want to enjoy them, I suppose is what they're thinking.

[Brian Bishop]

Right. I can see Coit Tower from here.

[Allison Rosen]

You're pretty close.

[Brian Bishop]

In that case, tour the Coit. Yeah, I just. It's just a weird thing, but everyone thinks, oh, you know, we're all the. Yeah, 60 is the new 40. So instead of being 63, I'm 40.

[G]

My life's just beginning and I'm just.

[Brian Bishop]

Beginning this journey, so I'm gonna do my thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Is it because of Viagra?

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, I think it's a bunch of things. I think it's like plastic surgery, Viagra, all these Flomax. Flomax. All these dating websites for everybody under the sun, everyone living longer. The 60s, the new 40s, like they've all sort of coalesced together to create this thing that did not. Did not exist. There were plenty of 31 year olds getting divorced back in the day. There were not 67 year olds getting divorced.

[G]

It used to be couples would age kind of at the same rate together. Now it's always one ages before the other and kind of races ahead towards death. And the other one's going, hey, I'm still looking good here.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I don't know if that was the captain or. How old are the captain and. Or Tennille?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't have their ages. I just have that they are splitting up after 39 years of marriage. But I bet Gary can find that.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, who's next? Shields and Yarnell? Well, okay, so Tony Orlando and Dawn. That's right. So Daryl, Pink lady and Jeff.

[Adam Carolla]

That's his real name, I guess. Or that's his other name. Said he didn't. He didn't see it coming. I don't know why she filed. I got to figure it out for myself first. And then he said they're still living in the same house. Now, a blog post on the couple's website was updated on January 16, saying the captain and Tenille appeared to the public as. As them being the ideal model for a rock solid married pair of. But almost all people naturally evolve over time, and sometimes hidden feelings start to be uncovered. That doesn't really answer anything.

[G]

They were a model couple.

[Brian Bishop]

Captain was born in 42, and she was born in 40.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, Cougar.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. And I'm also told here by Gary that there's medical problems and divorce was a financial move to pursue, prevent them from ending up with these bills after he passes on. It's sort of.

[Adam Carolla]

Look who has the inside trouble coming together now.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, that makes sense.

[G]

All right, well, that's romantic.

[Brian Bishop]

Either way, I'm not one of these haters. You know, Muskrat loves pretty solid.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, so then his bills die with him.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, they don't. I guess. I.

[Adam Carolla]

Everyone should get a divorce before someone dies.

[Brian Bishop]

Then I'll try that when I get home. Hey, Lynette. You know, we're not here forever, so. Anyway, you're yelling at me. I'm trying to save you the financial burden of. Yeah. Now, obviously, I'm. I'll take a trophy wife or two just to. We'll pass the debt along to her. Mm.

[Allison Rosen]

Just for public appearances.

[Brian Bishop]

We gonna do another recreation? I think we just did. Okay. Sorry. Where were we?

[Adam Carolla]

This is gonna sound overly romantic, but as someone who's about to get married, I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about what is the point of marriage? And I don't mean what is the point of pairing off? I mean, what is the point of legally announcing that we are getting married? Cause there have been times in this whole planning process where it's gotten so stressful and it's so expensive that I keep thinking, why are we doing this exactly?

[Brian Bishop]

Because.

[Adam Carolla]

Cause I'm okay with having a kid out of wedlock. So you're okay. Why are we doing it?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, I think you old romantic, you.

[G]

I suck. Detected a twitch when she said planning process. Her eye twitched really bad.

[Adam Carolla]

It's awful. I'm so excited.

[Brian Bishop]

But, you know you're okay with having a kid out of wedlock, but I don't know how your kid may not be okay, right? It did occur to me, but it's.

[Adam Carolla]

Look, obviously I'm not pregnant, by the way. People who are wondering.

[Brian Bishop]

It's a time when, by the time your unborn kid gets to junior high, everybody's parents are either gonna be divorced out of wedlock or two mommies, two daddies. I mean, there'll be no judge. It'll be pretty judgment free zone at that point. Yeah, in California. But I still think there's a. Statistically, they say the best way to go through life statistically, if you'd like to get out of poverty or if you'd like to have a rich and fulfilling life, is basically get married, stay together, have kids. It's weird because it flies in the face of your impulse. But think about. It's sort of marriage, kids, whatever. If you take. If you really just break it down. Joe, you married?

[G]

No. This sounds like propaganda.

[Brian Bishop]

No, no, no, no, no, let's.

[G]

It's better economically if you get married, then have kids, then it sounds like propaganda. It sounds like the government trying to control your life.

[Brian Bishop]

It's statistically accurate though.

[G]

Was it a government study that statistics.

[Brian Bishop]

Tiberius did it. Yeah, it was a. Jared. Yeah. No, it was done out of a South African mining company, so I stand by it. No, it's like this. I do feel this way, and I've talked to Dr. Drew about this many times in your life, your impulse is to like, for instance, eat pie for dessert and never do another push up and sleep till noon every day.

[Adam Carolla]

Not go all out to observe the holidays, that kind of thing. Like it'd be easier to. Not dinner.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm saying there are many things in life that you try to kind of. You would rather. Yeah, I mean, okay. Eat your vegetables. Fucking broccoli doesn't taste that great. But it's better for you. There's an element of going out, partying, screwing strangers, never having to take care of kids and that kind of stuff. I'm not saying that's what you want to do. I'm talking about myself. What I'm saying is there is definitely that element that feels fun. Sort of like eating pie for dinner feels good, but it's not good for you. It's actually better for you to sort of do the push ups, get up early, work hard, go to bed early. Sounds a little more boring. It's healthier, it's better.

[Adam Carolla]

I totally agree with that. I totally agree with a life that includes self control and discipline and all that. I'm not saying. Why be in a committed relationship because Daniel and I live together. We have A puppy together, Neither of us are going anywhere. It looks more.

[Allison Rosen]

Can't leave that puppy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, you know what I'm saying? It's unsurgit.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm saying to Joe, that's statistically, most things in life that feel a little bit boring and that you impulsively don't really want to do are sort of better for you. Yeah. That's all I'm saying.

[G]

I just like how people with no kids would factor in. The puppy is a very important part of the lifestyle.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it is in the point. To the extent that one day I realize if I wanted to get out of this, it would be very complicated.

[G]

This is exactly the conversation that Captain and Tenille had, as opposed to in.

[Adam Carolla]

My dating days, where it's just, oh, that's gonna be an awkward conversation. And that's it. You know, there's already quite a bit of commitment. I'm not going anywhere. I love him. I'm excited. Getting married will be great. I'm just saying it occurred to me. I'm just questioning the ritual.

[G]

Take that playboy home to your fiance, please.

[Brian Bishop]

By the way, who do you think. Which one pitched must grant love to the other? It's not like you're talking about.

[Allison Rosen]

This is where your mind went.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, what I'm thinking. I'm sorry.

[G]

Not the position, the song.

[Brian Bishop]

No, what I'm trying to do is wrestle the shovel away from Allison. That's what I'm doing right now. Physically wrestling the shovel away from her. All right? And what I'm saying is this the song Muskrat Love. It's not like they both woke up one morning and said, I have an idea for a song. And then they went, you go first. And then when you go first. And then they went, let's say it together. And they both said muskrat Love at once. One of them had the idea for a song called Muskrat Love. How was it pitched to the other? And why didn't the other just backhand the other and go into the other room?

[Allison Rosen]

Maybe that's where the problem started.

[G]

This was their days of having a puppy, as opposed to kids. That was so important that they had to write a song about it.

[Brian Bishop]

Looks like Muskrat Love now. I need to hear some of that. Oh, shit. Oh, yeah. Muskrat Sally and Muskrat sue, and they're, like, making a muskrat stew. And that muskrat sounds in it.

[G]

It does, yeah. Where's the bucket in here?

[Brian Bishop]

No one raised their hand and went, hold on. Are you saying. Are you Talking about a bus back or something? Is this a john? No, no. Muskrat.

[Allison Rosen]

No, don't worry. These are temporary lyrics.

[Brian Bishop]

You sure you don't want to use a sexier animal like an otter?

[Allison Rosen]

Can you think of a better animal to invoke sex and animal desire?

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, every. Every animal. And something out of the Rodentia family, perhaps.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, now you're just asking for too much. If you could come up with one off the top of your head. One, two, three. Animal. See, you can't do it. You can't do it.

[Brian Bishop]

How spread it. Is the water buffalo sexier?

[G]

This has got to be a really clever euphemism that none of us are getting.

[Brian Bishop]

Maybe there was something going on, like Lucy in the sky with Diamonds or something.

[G]

It's like an afternoon delight kind of vibe.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, yeah, you thought. When you're a kid, you just thought, oh, they're singing about camping. Why lighting fireworks off during the day? Captain's on his electric piano.

[G]

This is terrible.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, speaking of weddings, this had to have been the first dance song at some weddings in the. In the 70s.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, it just had to, because it was number one. And if. If they. If they didn't request it, the DJ would just play it. There we go. No, it's not the original song. It was from Willis Allen Ramsey, recorded in 72. First off, it's insane that it got no traction at 72. Such a hit thing had. Yeah, that hit written all over it.

[G]

It's gotta be. This is what the original was missing. This is what the captain brought to it.

[Brian Bishop]

And no one can ever really go, like, he's probably. Probably saying to the captain, like, does that synthesizer have a muskrat sound on it?

[Adam Carolla]

And it's like we have hand claps.

[Brian Bishop]

Bad news and good news. Bad news. No, it does not have a muskrat fucking sound on it. Good news is no one knows what a fucking muskrat sounds like. What the fuck is this?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't even know what a muskrat looks like.

[Brian Bishop]

This is pretty much a rat. Yeah, I think it's basically a swarthy rat. I think you'd see a muskrat and a sewer rat look the same. They just have horrible first names. One has a cool first name and there's a crappy first name. You know, that was their version of.

[Allison Rosen]

Like, the guitar solo.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, yeah. Oh.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, boy.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, it looks like a nutrient.

[G]

A hedgehog.

[Brian Bishop]

It's got a lot of nutria and hedgehog to it. Oh, God.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, now I'm turned on.

[G]

This Thing's gonna be stuck in my.

[Brian Bishop]

Head, gnaw through power wires and like that. All right, where were we? Ah, DraftKings, baby. What a seg. Fantasy sports heating up. Well, Super Bowl's coming up, but that's all right. We got hockey, baseball's coming up, got basketball. Plenty of sports for DraftKings.com few weeks ago, James Tran, California, won $1 million. Brian, how you looking, buddy?

[Allison Rosen]

I got an email from DraftKings the other day saying, fantasy golf now available. And I was like, wow. Football may have ended, but there are plenty of sports out there to ease the transition one day.

[Brian Bishop]

Fantasy sports means you've got your shot to score a share of 200 million DraftKings bucks they're gonna award this year. Dawson. DraftKings is letting our listeners play for free to win real cash. Enter [e-mail] for a quick free shot at your share of that 200 million dollar pot. Hurry. This amazing offer expires this Friday. For details and your free entry, enter Adam. Enter Adam [e-mail] DraftKings.com all right, let's do one more, baby girl.

[Adam Carolla]

Peter Pan will be the next live musical on NBC. Remember, they did Sound of Music with Kerry Underwood and the guy from True Blood. Well, Peter Pan is going to be the next musical that they do, and it was a huge ratings hit for them. So now, yeah, they're gonna do more har.

[Brian Bishop]

And the pun got panned but got great ratings. When do they give a. I think.

[G]

It brings Sandy Duncan back.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Who are they?

[Adam Carolla]

They. They haven't said yet. They're just saying, you know, who do you guys think should play Peter? And one of the guys from NBC said, I want Miley Cyrus, but it seems he's joking.

[Brian Bishop]

Aye, that's not much of a joke.

[G]

The Sandy Duncan comparison applies.

[Brian Bishop]

They had. Well, it's one of the few roles that's for dude, but Kathy Rigby or whoever the gymnast was played it on.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I think Mary Martin originally and Kathy Rigby played it.

[Brian Bishop]

So it's a weird. It's a weird sort of Mrs. Doubtfire kind of role, which is. It's for. Peter Pan's a dude, but it's always played by chicks.

[Adam Carolla]

I wonder why.

[G]

I think I know why. Because in the stage production, they'd have to fly around those harnesses.

[Brian Bishop]

Right. No one wants John Goodman up there while the fucking grips are back there sweating their ass off. I know.

[G]

No guy wanted their balls in a sling being swung around a stage, you know?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Like now There would be some that would be okay with it.

[G]

Maybe, Probably.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, just had this thought. I just got a shit. Who am I trying. Oh, Clay Aiken just sent me a text.

[Adam Carolla]

I was just thanking him.

[Brian Bishop]

I got to send him a text. He sent me a text, sent me this text, you guys. And I feel like an ass wife because it's been like four days and I owe him a text. He's got the reddish hair, he's a little wavy, he's got the chops. He can sing.

[Allison Rosen]

It might be too busy.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, I mean, yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Why'd you take that as a joke?

[Brian Bishop]

He's texting me. He can't be that busy.

[Allison Rosen]

Do you know anyone at the new Peter Pan production?

[Brian Bishop]

I don't know. Someone grabbed my phone. I'll read you what Clay Aiken's text said. He did what I do periodically. And you guys told me if you do this periodically or you do it often. I have so many fucking phone numbers on my computer. Half of them are just like people I haven't seen in 10 years or I used to work with whose numbers change. I don't know how to remove shit. I just add new numbers and I go through numbers and there's a bunch of old numbers, but every once in a while I'm typing in somebody's name, and as I'm typing in their name, someone else's name pops up and I go, oh, I haven't fucking talked to that dude in five years. And I like him. It's just I haven't talked to him and I'll just call him out of the blue. Usually just think about calling him and never actually calling him.

[G]

Much better.

[Brian Bishop]

I think Clay Aiken just sent me. And it's funny because we were talking about him on, I don't know, it's weird.

[Adam Carolla]

Didn't he come up in blah, blah, blah, blah, blah?

[Brian Bishop]

He came up in blah, blah, blah. And then the following day, and Clay Aiken has sent me probably zero text or two texts in my lifetime, was, hey, Adam, it's Clay. You crossed my mind today. And I thought I'd say hello. Hope you're having a good 2014. I was just saying what a sweet guy, was a hard working guy, and all that kind of stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

That's so sweet and nice and that's the best kind of text because it doesn't require a return one. Even though it's nice if you send one back.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I can get my shit together and send that thing. Send that thing back. But I put a bit in for Clay Why can't a dude play it? He's a little big for. I mean, he's not a. He's not a short man. He's probably 6 foot 6 one.

[Allison Rosen]

No, but he can play younger with the higher pitched voice. They're gonna certainly sing.

[Brian Bishop]

But here's the interesting thing. Peter Pan is a dude who's always been played by a chick. And then if you have a dude play the role, are the chicks gonna be up in arms over dude playing a dude role? Taking our work, you're taking the chick work, but it's a dude role in the first place.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, Peter Pan's a boy, so it has to be kind of maybe a feminine before pre puberty, you know what I mean?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

He's not a lean, mean machine. He's an eternal boy.

[Brian Bishop]

The Biebs. Yeah. Either way, that one's gonna be good because he's gonna fly, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Bieber would be perfect for it, actually. Cause he's so impish.

[Brian Bishop]

Who would? I know, it's a ton of publicity, but you know you're gonna get hammered, I mean, by the critics. And it's live with just a fucking lot of rehearsal. Like in a day and age when celebs are pretty fucking lazy and it's pretty much, you know, load up the teleprompter and I'll come in and read this category off. Best whatever at the Grammys. You're talking about weeks of preparation, rehearsal. I mean, this is.

[Adam Carolla]

No, they're on the wires and everything.

[Brian Bishop]

Not only that, but I mean, it's just whatever. All the dialogue, all the songs and all the whatever. I mean, that's a fairly healthy commitment.

[Allison Rosen]

Anyway, I got a name who'd be good, who would never do it. That's Justin Timberlake. Who'd be good and may actually do it. Maybe lobbying for right now. James Franco, he's weird enough and does every job in Hollywood. He would do it.

[G]

James Franco would want to play Wendy.

[Brian Bishop]

I think James, we should get on this show, by the way, and I. And we will. If he and his people have a shred of dignity, we will get them on this show. Because he borrowed my car for his Gucci commercial. And speaking of spider man, I old car of mine that I got back up and running, and his guy was like, how much do you want? Because if you have an old classic car, a rare car for a commercial or something, get like $5,000. And I said, I don't want any money. You don't have to pay me for the car. Just pay Me, for the cost of. You want it at the Chateau Marmont Sunday morning at 5:30, I got to get my guy, get my guys to, like, drive it over there, and one guy's got to, like, follow them in case the car breaks down or something like that. And then they have to detail it and fuel it up and all that kind of stuff, and then. And then sit. Sit with it for half a day and then drive it back again, and I got to pay them. So just whatever it costs to detail it, fill it up, and a couple guys, half day, that kind of stuff. I won't make any money, but whatever that cost. And he said, oh, yeah, sure, no problem. And then my guys went and did that, and they hung out with Franco and took some pictures and all that kind of stuff. And then when they got back, they said, oh, we told them your money's no good here. And I said, well, I'm glad you told him that, but I've already. I'm paying you guys. And he's like, yeah, but we told him, don't, don't, don't. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. And I'm like, first off, I'm not trying to turn a profit. It's just you guys spent two days doing this stuff, and then I'm paying you, and then we're detailing the car and all that kind of stuff. Would like to break even here. I'm not making a profit. And by the way, it's Gucci. It's not for the fucking Catholic Big Brothers Foundation. It's fucking Gucci. They're doing okay, and they're like, put that checkbook away. We don't need your money. We're fine with this.

[G]

You didn't even charge a bandwidth tax. In other words, just what it cost you to think about having to arrange all.

[Brian Bishop]

I wanted to charge something just to break even something, but my guys would have none of it, except for I paid them already. So anyway, you got screwed. Yeah, I did. So the deal is we'll get Franco in on this show. You can call d'. Andrea. He's got the. All the information. We'll book him up. So, theoretically.

[G]

Good luck with that. He's a cagey one, that Franco.

[Brian Bishop]

Ah, I know. He's elusive. Like a muskrat. There you go. I wish there was a song about this. Muskrats. That's what we need. All right, let's bring it home.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the news. I'm Allison Rosen. Zip it, cunt.

[Brian Bishop]

That was the news. With Allison Rosen. Ah, yes. Go to meeting, baby. Love me so some. Go to meeting. Oh, wait a minute. I had that in front of me. Legal zoom, baby. Oh, sorry. Legal zoom. Sorry. Got screwed up. We'll fix it. You clean that up in post. Enthusiastic questions. Yeah, baby. Legal zoom. Two of the most common New Year's resolutions are get organized, start a business. And I'd like to add text Clay Aiken.

[Allison Rosen]

That's very common within this room for people.

[Brian Bishop]

No, no, I think it's pretty. I don't have it at one or two. I have it at three.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay, so you're not saying it's one of the two most common.

[Brian Bishop]

Don't be so combative all the time. Just go along with me on this one. Those are my top three, and I believe America's top three as well. Either way, let's focus. All righty then, Joe Casey. What you can do is go to manofaction.com you can check out this. This month's Playboy Manofaction TV. Oh, I screwed that up. That is my bad. I apologize. Manofaction TV. I guess there's this thing when I say.it doesn't matter what it says after comes flying out. Manofaction TV. Also, you can pick up the this month's Playboy out on new stands as we speak. Matt Atchety, Rotten Tomatoes, of course. And until next time, Sam Crow for Joe Casey and Matt Atchety and Allison Rosen and Bold Bryant saying mahalo. I don't know what to do with your balls.

[Giovanni]

All right, it was Adam Kulish show 1246.

[Allison Rosen]

Coming next, we have Adam Krila show 1247.

[Giovanni]

Brandi Burkhart, Alison Rosen and Brian Bishop, also from 2014.

[Brian Bishop]

Hey. Yes. Good day. Allison Rosen. Hello. Adam Carolla and Bob Bryan busted in the pussy wussy.

[Allison Rosen]

John Fillmore wanted that on Twitter. Use the hashtag top drop.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, boy. I just got back from Seattle. That town is going crazy for the super bowl over there. Many thoughts. Everyone's wearing shirts and stuff. It's kind of fun. You don't have that. Los Angeles has no spirit. It's a drunk tank for assholes, some of whom are rich, some are dirt poor. But it's just a bunch of people sitting in the same drunk tank.

[Allison Rosen]

See a lot of Raiders tattoos.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, that's true. There's not a lot of people going. Those are actual pirates, though. I mean, that's not the Oakland Raiders.

[Allison Rosen]

They're just talking about plundering and pillaging fans of that.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. No, what I mean About LA is like, you go to a drunk tank. No one has any pride in the drunk tank. You're just kind of sitting there and then you look across at somebody and you go, I wonder why that guy's here. Or how'd he get here? Where's he from? What's his story?

[Allison Rosen]

Probably got drunk.

[Brian Bishop]

Nobody comes from this drunk tank.

[Adam Carolla]

You get trapped there.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. You just kind of end up there. You look at a guy, he's wearing some nice shoes. You go, that guy seems like he's doing okay for himself. But why is he here? What's he doing here? But you go to Seattle. Everybody's from Seattle. Or they move there because they love it here. They moved here to try to do something that's not working out. And guess who they're pissed at? Not themselves. Whoever they're waiting on, or the ground that's underneath them, or me, or whoever's in the car in front of them.

[Allison Rosen]

Whatever it is, someone's keeping them down.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, you try to think about the general psyche of a land where there was a whole bunch of people who came here to do something, and it's not really working out. Just dig the general vibe of, it's not going well. I moved here and it's not going now. People either live in Seattle or love it. Or move to Seattle because they want to see just how blue a sky can be. Or they want to go down to the fish market on the Sunday, but they're doing that. They don't move there and go, oh, fuck, this sucks. It's not working out.

[Adam Carolla]

They move there with dreams that are more achievable than those that people come to LA with.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, like getting away from assholes who live in la. Easily done. As soon as you get on the Southwest flight out of Burbank.

[Allison Rosen]

Check that box.

[Brian Bishop]

Check that box. So everyone's wearing their 12th man shirt. I got into this argument with the dude from one of the guys that came down to liquor store. Many fans came out and signed with me and the Stone Pelican on Saturday selling some Mangria. But had the dude where I went, how long's this 12th man thing been going on? Forever. I said, is there anybody on the Seahawks with the 12 jersey? Oh, no, no, it's forever. I said, well, not forever. I didn't start when the organization was formed. They didn't retire the number 12 when they started in 1975. And he's like, oh, yeah, absolutely. And I was like, no, yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Steve Larsden wasn't like, we couldn't have won those three games this year without a 12th man.

[Brian Bishop]

Right, right. Never heard of it until seven years ago, maybe five years ago. Oh, no. This guy was. He was resolute, like it since the franchise inception. And I was just standing there in Seattle going, no way. There's no way. Then he went and looked it up on his phone. Turned out they started at 12th man pretty early on, but still eight years or a decade after they began. Speaking of Largent, one of. And you don't have to be into sports to be into this, but forgot about this. Seattle's playing Denver. Seattle used to play Denver twice a.

[Allison Rosen]

Year in the old AFC West.

[Brian Bishop]

Right, Right. One of the greatest moments ever was 1987. I don't remember what year it was. Steve Largent, sort of undersized possession, kind of wide receiver in the hall of Fame. Senator now.

[Allison Rosen]

Pretty sure he is a senator. Yeah, I think so.

[Brian Bishop]

Overachiever.

[Allison Rosen]

Or was.

[Brian Bishop]

Anyway, intercepted a pass. Game one, game two of the season, whatever it is. And got completely destroyed by defense. Back from Denver. Just cheap shot. Leading with the elbow. Forearm just blown up, as they say. Next time they played like seven weeks later, that same DB picked off a ball, started. Started taking it downfield. And Steve Largent jacked his shit up royally. And you never see that. You see. You see wide receivers get hit, but you don't see the payback part. Payback part. Sometimes defensive back. Douchebag. Sorry.

[Allison Rosen]

He may have been a douchebag.

[Brian Bishop]

You see the part where they'll throw a block and get back at the guy or something. But this was in the spotlight. It's rarely in the spotlight, rarely on a pick like that. And he got destroyed and then came back and destroyed the guy the next time they played. And I think the first one, Gary will find it was. I guess you'd call it a cheap shot. Definitely would have gotten a fine from the league in this season. And maybe what Largent did would get a fine, too. But it's funny to see, you know, just sort of little slow white guys exacting their revenge.

[Allison Rosen]

Anyway, finally, what guy gets a break in this world?

[Brian Bishop]

That's right. Well, at the wideout position. Oklahoma congressman from 94 to 2002. All right, so we'll find that. Anyway, the town is going insane for the Seahawks. Mike August never stopped talking about the Broncos. Cause he's from. Spent a lot of time in the Denver area and would not. Was very vocal about it. To everyone at the liquor store.

[Adam Carolla]

What was their reaction?

[Brian Bishop]

Just want him to shut up. Die.

[Allison Rosen]

Mostly positive.

[Brian Bishop]

Never Stop now. What year is this? We'll see if we can figure it out. Now we got to see the first play first because they go in order. That's the tough part. The part where Largent blows him up, that's fine. But we have to lead into it anyway. Had a good time. Had this happen. Jesus Christ. You guys know, I know I never stopped complaining with the tsa, but they're so fucking lucky that we're scared and in a hurry. Like, we have a horrible trifecta of non complaining, which is sleep deprived. Mike August showed up at my house Saturday morning at 6am so there's the sleep deprived. There's in a fucking hurry. Like, does anyone ever go, I have an extra three hours to kill. I want to speak to your supervisor meets. I don't want to get pepper sprayed. Like, you know, I just want to. I want to get through this.

[Allison Rosen]

Those are three good motivators.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, no, it is. In terms of the complaints.

[Adam Carolla]

It's the shit you'll take.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, we. Mike and I did the thing. I don't know, we're flying out United. We went across the bridge thing, you know, from the parking lot into the. They have that outside bridge at lax. We walked. The line was super long and we had first class tickets. First class on a commuter jet plane. So it's really like flying coach somewhere else. But still Mike said, up top, the line was super long. We said, where is the first class security? And the one chick or guy or whatever just went downstairs and sort of just pointed down. And we're like, oh, okay, let's go down and go through that one. And we asked somebody else too, by the elevator like, where's the first class? And they're like, right down. We just went down the stairs and there was nothing. There was zero. And you couldn't see security as far as the eye could see. And we were like, I thought it was downstairs. And then we went and talked to someone and they're like, oh, no. It's like four terminals down. And it's like, yes, it's downstairs. Downstairs. Five fucking terminals down. Like three quarters of a mile from here. Downstairs. Like they never fucking. You know that part where they. All they want you to do is leave?

[Allison Rosen]

Technically it's a correct answer. There's not a helpful full answer. I.

[Brian Bishop]

They just want you to fucking leave. Like, all they want you is for. They want you to fucking disappear. Like there's some huge cornfield. They'd love us to. They'd love to wish us into it all out And I always want to say to these guys, I know your greatest fantasy is for us to have never been born, but you wouldn't have a job. It's not like you would all be gainfully employed if we just never showed up. Eventually it's la. They got a probably decent union, probably somewhere around five to seven years in. They'd have to start cutting back if nobody was ever born. Going through security, I think they're willing.

[Adam Carolla]

To take that chance.

[Brian Bishop]

I know, why not say first floor way down like we were at, you know, gate seven and this is gate four. Something just like mile down that way. And it also meets for confusion. It's worse than no information because when they go first floor, you just go, oh, we'll just go down and there it shall be.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, no. The assumption would be it's just right underneath where you are.

[Brian Bishop]

Right? Because a human being would have said something to another human being, not them.

[Allison Rosen]

Another wonderful interaction.

[Brian Bishop]

God damn.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, it didn't sour your trip, did it?

[Brian Bishop]

We went. So we went and we got onto the. We walked and walked and walked and kept. And then you keep asking because now you think you're going the wrong direction. And we finally found the line. And the line is just as long as the other line was, and so on and so forth. But Seattle was great, the people were great. I brought my mix, my snack mix thing, which is I was looking at. I said, you guys got a snack on this plane? Oh, yeah. You got snack mix. I said to Mike, mike, how many almonds do you think we will find inside here? We're gonna find a bunch of stale miniature pretzels and we're gonna find a bunch of those weird sesame things. But how many almonds? I said, tore it open, spread it out. I always spread it out on my table and count one almond. He had two. He doubled my almond. Take one fluff.

[Allison Rosen]

Like the scene from Casino with the muffins. You go up to the front and you're like, I want you to count the almonds. Next time I want an equal number of almonds in each sack.

[Brian Bishop]

How about just almonds? How about a little protein on the plane? It's all just fucking fluff anyway.

[Adam Carolla]

They'd give you one individually wrapped almond.

[Brian Bishop]

I would still. At least you would know what it was. I wouldn't have to fucking sift through the whole thing.

[Allison Rosen]

Was it just a Mangria trip?

[Brian Bishop]

No, I went down there to do like a. It was actually nice. It's Mike. Poor Mike. Mike August. It was a corporate gig. They're Doing their company, whatever. And then once you do a half hour standup. And I said, yeah, all right. And then it became this, what am I going to do? And then it's a corporate thing, like, what's appropriate, what's not appropriate, how much time, what stories do I have? As I was working on it then, of course, I asked Mike three times, what do they want? They want like a couple of stories or they want to do some Q and A, or they want like straight stand up and not too dirty, or they want to roast a couple of the guys, you know, the CEO, cfo, whatever. And he's like, ah, just half hour stand up, half hour stand up, half hour stand up. And then we get in the car at 6:05 at my house am on Saturday. And I once again bring it up again. And he's like, oh, no, just.

[Allison Rosen]

He reconfirmed. His original statement was consistent throughout. I'm just jumping at him. The story.

[Brian Bishop]

They want a motivational pep talk.

[Adam Carolla]

Not at all the same.

[Brian Bishop]

Not at all the same with some Q and A. And I was like, have you seen Adam stand up?

[Allison Rosen]

It's very motivational.

[Brian Bishop]

I said, all right, first off, good. I didn't want to sift through these jokes, but secondly, thank God I was up last night sort of sifting through jokes, trying to kind of cobble something together. Either way, just a little motivational speaking to a really good company. And we decided to do a little Mangria as well, was all good. I had this experience again. I'd been up since about 5:30, went and did the Mangria signing. By the time it was time to be the Vince Lombardi of the airport. Was actually at the airport. That's right. By the time it was time to do that, it was four in the afternoon. I was starting to run on fumes. And I said to the guy, before I get up there, I think I get a cup of coffee. And he said, yeah, come on around. And we went around to where they had the sort of buffet laid out. There were the two big silos, one decaf, one regular. Guess which one was empty, not the decaf, and guess which one was fucking full.

[Adam Carolla]

Probably the decaf.

[Allison Rosen]

Even in Seattle, where they're known for the coffee.

[Brian Bishop]

It's just, it's something that needs to be addressed, which is we don't need to split something 50, 50 for the one out of every between 18 and 23rd person that wants it decaf. It's weird that we haven't figured that fucking part of life out. Yes, one is Full, because they're in Seattle and nobody drinks decaf. And yes, one is empty because people drink coffee to get something out of it. I would reckon if you had a barbecue and you had a tub filled with ice and some had craft brewed beers and the other had non alcoholic beer, well, what tub do you think would go faster? What percentage? Obviously it'd be insane to go, well, there's gonna be about 30 people here, so we're gonna need two cases of regular beer, you know, IPA and then two cases of non alcohol. You'd go, no, you don't. Who amongst us drinks? I'm trying to think of the non alcoholic beer versus the decaf. The decaf's probably marginally higher, but you'd be insane if you threw a barbecue beer and you split it down the middle. It would never happen. Why?

[Allison Rosen]

Unless you're at Dr. Drew's house, maybe.

[Brian Bishop]

Right? Why is the coffee. That's not even allowed a fucking split? Why is that always a split? And then of course this one is empty and of course this one is full, and then for the next function, the exact same. Cuz that's how it works. It's always exactly the same.

[Adam Carolla]

I have a go back to something. I have a question about these corporate gigs and I asked Pete Holmes this question. I don't think I got an answer. Is there some kind of rule that people are not allowed to take photos or video or anything like that? Because so many people do corporate gigs and yet there's no evidence anywhere of it.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, there's two things.

[Allison Rosen]

There's evidence. Check Adam's bank account.

[Brian Bishop]

There's a couple things. One is comedians don't want to admit to doing corporate gigs, just like celebrities don't want to admit to doing commercials and endorsements. That's why.

[Adam Carolla]

Because they do them in Japan.

[Brian Bishop]

Clooney goes to Japan and does his thing, they get to keep their street cred. Whoever, Jon Stewart, whoever, they don't want to admit that they get paid a huge sum of money to come do these things. I don't know why. It's clear. It's understood that if you want to get Bill Cosby or Jerry Seinfeld to come to the Mirage in Las Vegas and do a weekend of standups, it's going to cost $250,000 or Jay Leno or whoever it is, those guys get huge chunks for going out on the weekend. So what's the difference if you go to. I know it's a street cred thing, but what's the difference? You're getting on an airplane, you're going somewhere, and you're only going only because you're getting paid several hundred thousand dollars. And not in my case, but in a Bill Cosby, Leno, Seinfeld, whoever it might be 150 or 200 to $250,000 to go out and do a couple of dates on a weekend somewhere at a casino. Okay, would you do it for $7,500? Jerry Seinfeld, Jay Leno answers, no fucking way. Jon Stewart? No. Okay, would you do it for 100? It's like, all right, now I'm listening. But the mark's probably around 150, 175. I don't know, varies, whatever for whoever. And that's it. All right, well, what's the difference between going out the following weekend and just doing a corporate gig and getting the same paycheck? Somehow that part of it is selling out. So they don't wanna. It has the word corporate in it, I think, is the problem.

[Adam Carolla]

So is there a rule then that the people in the audience can't take photos? Like, do you take photos with people at these?

[Brian Bishop]

I don't do very many of them at all, and I don't really have much of a policy about it. The other thing is, these guys have an act, and their act is their act. It took them 10 years to craft that 90 minutes or 60 minutes or whatever it is. They don't need some Yahoo filming their act and putting it up on YouTube because that's their act. They're sort of protected material. They have to, again, to put together. For most comedians to put together half the 90 minutes or an hour, that's working material for years. Some of these guys are doing stuff they did 10 years ago. I'm not trying to say in a pejorative way, but that's their act. And then once it gets out now, people have heard the jokes in advance and they don't want to buy the ticket for the thing. So there's usually some of that. For me, it's like, I don't care what you do. You can't film it and sell it on the Internet. But you could film it and use it within your company or whatever it is somebody did film it. But again, it was just a motivational speech. I didn't even know until that morning what exactly I was doing.

[Adam Carolla]

Look out, Tony Robbins.

[Allison Rosen]

I feel like it's more extreme for bands, too. The corporate thing, like on the Down Low. Because the illusion for the band is like, we're doing this because we're going to San Antonio because we love the people of San Antonio. We're going to Cleveland because we love Cleveland. No, you can sell a lot of tickets and your manager took a great.

[Brian Bishop]

Deal to rock Cleveland.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, you're going there because you can make more money than you can make in Fort Worth.

[Brian Bishop]

You know, whatever it is, you know, I don't get it. I mean, I don't get why we were so picky and choosy. It is like Mercedes makes good cars, but they're in business to make profit and make a business out of it. But that's good because you get a good car and they get some money. Okay? It's understood with just about everything. Broadway plays, whatever it is, they do something, you pay them, you get a product, you're satisfied. Whatever meal. When you go out to eat to a restaurant, you're like, oh, these guys are selling out. They're selling their food. You know, it's like, understood. We understand how it works. And a comedian or anyone is an orator, public speaker. They get paid. That's how it works. All these guys, ex football coaches and guys like that, they all go and do the circuit. They get paid, but it's fine. People will pay $50 to go see what John Wooden had to talk about in 1977. And that's fine for them. Same way they'd go see Elvis at the. What the hell was he.

[Allison Rosen]

He was in Vegas.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I'm trying to think of his hotel. Anyway.

[Adam Carolla]

Sands Buffet.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, either way. Yeah, the buffet. They should make the hotel called the buffet. They should go to that. Call it what it is. You know what I mean? I mean, they call whorehouses whorehouses. They don't call them, you know, places with ladies where you can get a drink and then, you know, they just call it whorehouse. Yeah, this is what it is.

[Adam Carolla]

It's more SEO search engine optimized.

[Brian Bishop]

Thank you. We have the first. We have an order just for fun. We have. It looks like there's Jim Zorn, who is that quarterback. It's not number 10, but. Oh, there is a. There is a flying forearm shiver to the face of Largent. And Largent was wearing a plastic thin single and he's talking shit about him. He gets over him and gives him the.

[Allison Rosen]

It's multiple penalties.

[Brian Bishop]

The guy knocked out two of his teeth. Yeah. Oh, he knocked out two of his teeth.

[Allison Rosen]

There's multiple penalties in today's NFL.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, that's a flying forearm with a fuck you while you're lying on the ground unconscious. Later on That I think was the same season, but could have been a little bit. Same season, same 88. Same season. 88.

[Allison Rosen]

He played that late?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, wow.

[Brian Bishop]

Who's 31? I'm going to figure that out. Picks one off in the end zone, high stepping it back, getting around the 20, and boom. That was Zorn. And the ball came out and got it too. And now Zorn's talking shit.

[Allison Rosen]

No less largent number 80.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, I'm sorry. Large it. Large it. Yeah. It doesn't get much better than that.

[Allison Rosen]

That's amazing that he had that opportunity to deliver that head. Because that is a rare circumstance.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

That you got a defensive player with the ball in the open field and.

[Brian Bishop]

You'Re on the field and he's blindsided. Because usually these guys sort of usually can survey most of the field, usually. What's. What's in front of them. And yeah, earlier in the season, he took his teeth out and was talking shit about him. All right, good stuff. Good stuff. Now even better stuff. On Friday night, I was sitting around the house and Steel dawn came on.

[Allison Rosen]

I saw you tweet about that and I have to be honest, I'd never heard of Steel Dawn.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, I remember it when it came out. I never saw it in the movie theaters. It's been. I mean, it's always rerun. It's always went bad. It's just bad. Just fucking bad. 80s rerun. Shit.

[Allison Rosen]

I really thought that you were trying to tweet about Red dawn and you had had too much mangria to notice the autocorrect. Change your misspelling of red to steal.

[Brian Bishop]

No, no, I had too much mangrove. No, I looked it up. No, he did Red dawn and then he did Steel dawn and Steel dawn. The synopsis for Steel Dawn. This is Swayze as I was staring at it. It's a post apocalyptic world. A warrior wandering through the desert comes upon a group of settlers who are being menaced by murderous gang that's after their water and their control. Very derivative of almost every 80s post apocalypse. Apocalypse. The thing on TiVo said after World War 3. So let me just show you a shot of this.

[Allison Rosen]

That'd be a tough, totally topical Tebow trivia category.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, this was after World War three. I'll show you still. And the reason I'm going to show you still from this. What are the chances their hair would be exactly as it was in 1987?

[Allison Rosen]

Do they have hair crimpers in the future?

[Brian Bishop]

It's after World War three now. I don't know when World War three is. I mean, here's the only viable excuse. The only viable excuse is that the movie was shot in 86. No, wait a minute. World War Three would have had to take place in 86, and then all this would have had to go down. This part where, you know, everything is wind powered. They're always traveling through the desert. They're out of water. Something happens after World War 3 where there's no guns. Nobody has guns anymore. I can never quite figure that one out.

[Allison Rosen]

Like, well, no one's making ammo. The guns are still there. The ammo is gone.

[Brian Bishop]

Don't you feel like there's a lot of guns and a lot of ammo sitting around like one? Wouldn't somebody have a gun?

[Allison Rosen]

Are you saying Steel Dawn's a silly film?

[Brian Bishop]

I'm saying don't make the hair exactly what it is in a Pat Benatar video. From this day. If you're making a movie about the future, just fucking shave everyone's head or do something. The chick's hair, it is fucking Pat Benatar's hair. From the exact same year. It's crimped, like. See if you can move it, you know, 18 months forward or backwards or something. Why is it every 80s movie that takes place in the theater looks exactly like the year it was shot in? And how come no one ever caught onto that then? If you look at their outfits, it's always leather. Leather, this. You. You know, there's no denim, there's leather. But here's what my thing. There's no water. It's nothing but scorched earth. Where's the cows? I never see a cow.

[Allison Rosen]

Where's the rendering factory?

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. Do you ever see a cow in one of these movies?

[Adam Carolla]

No. Cows are from the past, but people.

[Brian Bishop]

Are covered with leather. What happened?

[Adam Carolla]

Very curious.

[Brian Bishop]

Nobody eats a steak, nobody barbecues up a burger. No one ever even talks about food. I feel like if I was in a post apocalyptic whatever desert, I'd never stop complaining about food. There'd be a lot of. Oh, man, I'm fucking hungry.

[Allison Rosen]

Adam, for God's sake. We've been walking through this desert now for well over a week. We're all hungry.

[Brian Bishop]

Remember, in and out. Remember in n out?

[Allison Rosen]

Of course I remember in n out. I went there as a child.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, that was so fucking good. You're not helping. You're not helping morale. Man, do I miss cows. Why do we get all this leather?

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, would you rather not have the leather? Good luck surviving in a post apocalyptic world.

[Brian Bishop]

That leather I'M down to my last foamy blast of Moose. Stand back. This is gonna be. I'm gonna use it.

[Allison Rosen]

You just.

[Brian Bishop]

Moose. Three days ago. I know, but my hair is starting to drop. Moose has to laugh.

[Allison Rosen]

The whole tribe.

[Brian Bishop]

My hair is dropping. You get your.

[Allison Rosen]

Take my crimper.

[Brian Bishop]

Get your hot crimper. I mean, right? Why is everyone's hair. I mean, of course I'm storming up and down the halls of my house yelling about this. No one knows the fuck Daddy's talking about. What are you talking about?

[Adam Carolla]

You're right. There's no shortage of volume in the future.

[Brian Bishop]

Swayze's hair is exactly 1986. 1987. And his girlfriend's hair is exactly 1986. 1987. Is there anyone who wants to. They've taken time to work on it. It's not like. It's not like somebody drove a 1987 Chrysler LeBaron. Like, through the set, someone would go, hey, wait a minute. This is a post apocalyptic future. You can't be driving a LeBaron. That doesn't make sense. But the hair.

[Allison Rosen]

A Sebring, maybe.

[Brian Bishop]

Exactly the fucking same. Anyway, he made two movies that ended with Don.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, he did. Within short succession of each other.

[Brian Bishop]

And they had the exact same. Same hair in both of them, except for one of them took place 200 years from then. All right. It's the way they roll. You want to roll, you roll on over to go to meeting, baby. Winter weather, it can impact your business. Roads are closed, things are canceled. Flights. Oh, man. We had to circle SeaTac, baby. And they're gonna. They're gonna divert us to Portland. Fog had rolled in. Yep. We're just gonna. We were circling anyway. That could happen.

[Allison Rosen]

It's not gonna happen this weekend.

[Brian Bishop]

Not this weekend, baby. Hell to the no. Prepare with GoToMeeting with H E Faces, brought to you by Citrix. You can meet and collaborate online and you can just whip it up with your computer, your mobile device, your smartphone, whatever you like. Share the screen, collaborate on documents and spreadsheets. Do it all in real time and try it for free. Free. That's right. A 30 day free trial. Visit GoToMeeting.com, click on the tried free button. Use the promo code Adam. That's GoToMeeting.com promo code Adam. All right, let's see. Where did my little piece of paper go? I was complaining about. Oh, yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Note to self. Complain about.

[Brian Bishop]

Complain about. Steel Dawn. Yeah, that Harris it. That Harris. Fuck it. That's a disaster, right?

[Allison Rosen]

Well, it was nice. I mean, it looked good.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, it just goes to show that the problem is every movie that's made in the future, you watch in the present. And if the hair's that way, if your girlfriend's hair's that way and the girl sitting in front of you, well, if the girl sitting in front of his hair is that way, you can't see the movie, but the girl sitting behind his hair's that way, then you don't notice any of Never changed. From the Elvis westerns where he had the pomade and everything else. 1957.

[Adam Carolla]

Or MASH. That's always your favorite.

[Brian Bishop]

Or mash. Mash as well. All right, one thing I happened to notice that somebody tweeted me. Urban Dictionary. We've got a new entry. Falutin free. So we now have leave in conditioner. What? I never even remember that one.

[Adam Carolla]

I believe that is shooting a load in a girl's hand hair.

[Brian Bishop]

I think so. Spunk. Shui. Black Simile. Mangria's in there. Unrigger. I don't know what Unrigger. Is that one of mine? We'll figure that one out.

[Allison Rosen]

Pollutant free.

[Brian Bishop]

Let's see. And fluten free. They took some real artistic license there. Unrigger. A politician, usually, of course. Color. Who overcame what they claim as an unfair system, mostly through hard work. Now seeking election through reelection. Panders to underprivileged masses by. Wow. Yeah, I remember that one all right.

[Allison Rosen]

You're welcome. On riggers.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right. What else do we got? Emotional chiropractor. I don't remember that one, but I like it. Irish football. I don't know what that one is either.

[Allison Rosen]

Sounds dirty.

[Brian Bishop]

And there's Horsso. Hmm. What is that one? I'll have to figure that one out, too. I didn't know. I must have missed a few of these urban dictionaries. Either way, that will be my legacy for my children.

[Allison Rosen]

Horsso is a lady of the night who lacks any penetrable orifices, such as a vagina, anus, or mouth, and thus fails to provide any contribution to society. Oh, a horsso.

[Adam Carolla]

It's essentially just a torso. Has outlived her use.

[Brian Bishop]

Whoa.

[Allison Rosen]

It was coined by Brian Bishop a year ago.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't remember that at all. Must be the mads.

[Allison Rosen]

It's exactly what it is. The chemo.

[Brian Bishop]

Jesus Christ.

[Adam Carolla]

And that's why we don't remember either.

[Allison Rosen]

That's right. That's exactly why no one remembers. Well, it's eighth on the list.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, well, you can go to Urban Dictionary and check it out.

[Adam Carolla]

Scroll up because it mentions me down there. News girl Allison Rosen adds the condition of said sex worker lacking any. Oh, okay. So I guess I said that she was just a torso, and then you said she's a horse.

[Brian Bishop]

There you go. Teamwork, buddy.

[Allison Rosen]

Teamwork.

[Brian Bishop]

Feel the pride coursing through your veins. All right, we got some calls. We have our guest here. We also have Baldiwood, and I'm curious. You saw her, right?

[Allison Rosen]

Saw her.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, let's hear it, man. Hooray for Bollywood. He will tell you if a movie's good. Brian will review the flicks that he's seen up on the big screen or in his Netflix queue before you spend bucks, remember, his taste sucks. He loved that train wreck piece of shit Transformers to hooray for Baldywood her.

[Allison Rosen]

It's in theaters now. It is directed by Spike Jones, who directed a couple films. Being John Malkovich being my favorite of his. I love that. It's one of my favorites.

[Brian Bishop]

I love that movie, too.

[Allison Rosen]

This one stars Joaquin Phoenix, Amy Adams, Rooney Mara, and the voice of Scarlett Johansson. She is her.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, do. Was Joaquin. Joaquin, you know, with the whole bearded, retiring from acting thing. Is that just a whole.

[Allison Rosen]

I think that ended up being a hoax. I think that ended up being a very elaborate art project. They made a documentary, which I did not see. Did you see it, Allison?

[Adam Carolla]

I did not.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm still here or I'm not here or whatever it is. I never saw it. This one her nominated for four Oscars, including Best Picture and Best Original Screenplay, which it doesn't seem fair that it's in the same category, Best Original Screenplay as, like, American Hustle and Dallas Buyers Club, which are inspired by true stories. They're true stories. They actually happened. So it feels. It's weird that a movie like this, which is wholly original, would compete against a movie that it's. As you guys probably know, it's easier to write something that actually happened. Like, you're never thinking, oh, what's gonna happen next in this story? You know, exactly what's happening next because it's an original story you're adapting into. Into a screenplay.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, even if you want to take a lot of artistic license, you have the bones of a story, and it's.

[Allison Rosen]

You know, where it's gonna end up. You know it's gonna happen.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. And it's really. It takes, I don't know, half the creativity out of the effort. Rather than writing from whole cloth, you know, from writing a book. Just writing a book about your Life is much easier than it is about.

[Allison Rosen]

If I had to write about somebody else or a fictional character.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Much more difficult. Yeah. So anyway, the concept is. It's brilliantly simple. It's basically what if a guy fell in love with Siri. It's almost high concept. It's just so, you know, that's the.

[Brian Bishop]

That's.

[Allison Rosen]

If you were to pitch the movie, that's sort of what you would say. The story set in the future. No denim, by the way. No denim. In this movie. It sort of goes to the lengths make people wear like, sweatpants and like, linen pants.

[Adam Carolla]

How far in the future?

[Allison Rosen]

It's a near future. Although LA looks really good and it's all very high tech, so it could be thousands of years in the future.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, hey, Gary.

[Allison Rosen]

Near future.

[Brian Bishop]

Find out what year Time Cop was supposed to be. That was another thing that's drawing my weekend Claude. Jean Claude fan.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, you have to explain to me for Alison, maybe.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you.

[Allison Rosen]

Joaquin Phoenix is getting divorced and he gets a new phone with a new operating system. And it's a female voice and it names itself Samantha. And he eventually developed a relationship with. Was really smart, really inventive movie. It's funny, it's romantic, it's intelligent. It's so well written. I loved it. It was one of my favorite movies of the year.

[Brian Bishop]

And who wrote it?

[Allison Rosen]

Spike Jones. This was his first, I think, solo original screenplay. I think most of his stuff has been either collaborations or, you know, Charlie Kaufman projects. He wrote it and it's great. I loved it.

[Brian Bishop]

Give me the synopsis for Time Cop too, by the way.

[Allison Rosen]

Same as this one.

[Brian Bishop]

Really? Yeah. You know, look, this is why, by the way, whenever people get into the. Here's what it's about. Like, here's what the sit. You know, what's the sitcom about? It's a dad, but he's really put upon. He loves his daughter, but they sure can get on his nerves. Like, it's all execution. It's. It's all execution. Nothing's inherently good or inherently bad about the five best sitcoms and the five worst sitcoms. There's really nothing that you can lay out. As a matter of fact, the five worst ones have more concept than the five best.

[Allison Rosen]

Probably a better idea than the five best.

[Brian Bishop]

This is one of those ideas where it could be horrible or it could be great. It's not really about the idea. It's all about the execution. And a lot of that's in the writing.

[Allison Rosen]

Totally. You guys have not seen it yet?

[Adam Carolla]

Nope.

[Allison Rosen]

You'll Love it. It's great. It constantly evolves its idea. So like you were saying, so many movies or projects or TV shows wherever, have one idea. Let's say movies have one idea and they just kind of sit on it for the whole movie. And that's the idea of the movie. This one's great because it's a smart movie. It's like, okay, this happens, this premise. This would probably happen next. And then if that happened, well, then these characters would do this. And it's so smart, it constantly going places you don't necessarily think it'll go or expect it to go. And it's also kind of rare because I do a research on this movie. It's the kind of movie that changed a lot in post production. Adam, you have experience with movies with a hammer and coming up with Rohar that you know that if a movie's changing a lot in the editing process, it's probably not gonna be great. This one changed a lot in the editing process. Like Samantha Morton was the Samantha character on set. She was the voice. They replaced her in editing with Scarlett Johansson, cut out whole subplots, and it ended up being great, which is kind of rare, I think it is.

[Brian Bishop]

I mean, sometimes things start to take their own shape, even though they're not the shape you initially int intended them to take. And then you start realizing that things are different than what you. I guess many creative endeavors start off as I wanted to do this, and it started to take this shape. So maybe not always bad, but usually when something is delayed a lot, and when they go back in and have to recast things or redo things, it's usually a sign that the idea, the initial colonel wasn't great or they lost their wedding, by the way. Time Cop, an officer for a security agency that regulates time travel, must fend for his life against a shady politician who has ties to his past. Saw in the theater in 1994. Takes place in 2004.

[Allison Rosen]

Nice.

[Brian Bishop]

2004.

[Allison Rosen]

It's the agency that regulates time travel.

[Adam Carolla]

Any day now, why don't people just.

[Brian Bishop]

Raise their hand and go, let's not make it 10 years from now. I just don't think we're going to be like, someone should go see that VW bug. Yep, that's my point. They started making them in 1951. My grandfather's still driving. He's like, I just don't feel like things are going to change that much. We don't. It just didn't. It made it 2004. That took place in make it 3004. It's when the 2000 counted for not a year, but a thousand years. All right, so we should all see her.

[Allison Rosen]

One of my favorite movies of the year. I don't know if everyone will like it as much as me. I expect you guys to. And, man, really, really, it might. It might win best Original screenplay. It was just so inventive.

[Brian Bishop]

I love. Well, it should again. Dallas Buyers Club, especially finding the story. Research the story. It's almost like doing a documentary.

[Allison Rosen]

You're writing. You're writing out in dramatic form what happened. Yeah, you're coloring it up. You're coloring in the lines, but, yes, it's been sketched for you.

[Adam Carolla]

Is the love story believable?

[Allison Rosen]

In as much as you can believe a love story between a guy and a. Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

He fucks the shit out of that.

[Allison Rosen]

He breaks it, if you know what I mean. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Loved it.

[Allison Rosen]

Gave it an A. I love it.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. All right. Hooray for bounty war. All right, let's see. Let's go fast here. Hey, what name is that? Shame. Is that a name? Heim. Yeah. How do you say your name? Huh? Oh, that starts with Haim. Starts with the C, huh?

[Caller]

Yeah, it's the Hebrew phonetic.

[Brian Bishop]

All right. Sorry. Yeah. What's going. Haim.

[Caller]

No, not at all. Hey, everybody. Love you guys. Love the show.

[Brian Bishop]

Thanks.

[Caller]

And please put me down for 100 bucks a day podcasting.

[Brian Bishop]

Thank you.

[Caller]

Sure. So I'm 27. I'm an attorney. I actually. I live and work in D.C. but I'm taking a couple weeks off from work right now. You've talked in the past about sort of breaking employees down and then rebuilding them. I'm wondering if you have any advice for how an employee can kind of do that to himself. I mean, I'm very good at what I do. My bosses love the quality of my work, the substance of the work. But I'm a shitty employee, whereas I suck at kind of internal deadlines, communication, all the things responsible adult employees should be doing.

[Brian Bishop]

I was just telling this to the group of folks at the airport who'd paid to see me motivate them. First thing, there's this fine line and we're not doing enough of it, which is be really hard on yourself without being cruel to yourself or kicking yourself around. There's a way to go. I'm gonna be hard on myself, but I'm not gonna put myself down. There's two we mistake standing in front of a full length mirror going, oh, you're so ugly or so fat. Who could ever Love you. That's not being hard on yourself, that's just torturing yourself and being realistic, depending on who it is and what your panties look like. But no, what I'm saying is you could do better. Don't ever say I've done my best. Break it down, start sort of kicking your own ass a little bit. I said, I haven't talked about this on the air, but probably because it's not that interesting, but I skip rope every night. But the other, I don't know, six months ago when I was done skipping my rope, I said, you know what, I'm going to rattle off a few push ups after I'm done skipping my rope. And I got down, I got down to do some push ups and I fucking struggled to do 10. And I thought, oh my God, I used to just pop off 35 or 50 of these things. I haven't done them in years. I guess I just skipped my rope and did a little shadow boxing maybe. I hit the heavy back. I hadn't done any pushups. I struggled really hard to do 10 pushups. And then I did this thing where I just went, well, I guess you're old, that's it. Your days of doing 40 pushups are in your rear view mirror because you're old and you're not going to do them anymore. And then I sort of went, God, I hate the way that sounds or feels. So the next day, after I was done skipping my rope, I got down, I did eight or 10 pushups, and then I just said, you know what, I'm just going to fucking force myself to knock off 10 or 12. I didn't say I'm going to do 30 by the 30th of the month or any of that kind of stuff. I just said, when I'm done skipping rope, I'm going to get down there and if I can do nine, I'll do nine. If I can do 13, I'll do 13. I started doing it and in about five or six weeks I was doing 30 pushups. Now I do 40 or 50 pushups after I skip my rope. Wow, it was humblebrag. I didn't know I could do it. I thought it was just done, but I just, and I didn't set any goals or anything. I just said, go get down there and just do push ups and do it. And every fucking night when I skip my rope, I start making excuses in my head about the push ups. Like, I don't wanna, I'll do more, I'll double it up tomorrow. Or tonight, Sunday, I don't need to do it on a Sunday or whatever the fuck it is. At some point I'm kind of making these little mini deals while I'm winding up my skipping the rope where Look, I'll do 10 and then I'll do 60 tomorrow or something. I just stopped myself and I go, fuck it, get down there, knock this out. It's going to take a minute. And you know, don't put a number on it. Just do 40 or do 45 or do until you can't do anymore and then get up and go into work and I just start kicking myself around a little bit. It's how I got out of being a complete and utter loser. When I was 25, 26, 27 years old. I lived in a sea of people that just made excuses like everyone was oh, the boss was an asshole. It all started, it started with the school teacher was an asshole. Then it went to the counselor's an asshole. Then it went to the cops are assholes. Then it went to their foreman's an asshole or supervisor's an asshole and gets into their wife or husband's an asshole or their neighbor's an asshole. It's just everybody's somebody and there's no internalization. And really what you need to do is go, could I have done better? Could I? And kick yourself around a little bit. Just challenge yourself a little bit. It's not again, not a negative. I'm going to ball my fist up, punch myself in the face, just I had this happen. Somebody was shaking, going to do. I met a guy two days ago and he did the don't shake my hand. I got a cold and I go, I don't get sick. And I shook his hand just as a. I don't do it for him. I don't do it. I just do it to say it. I want to hear myself say it. I don't get sick and eventually just start becoming that super obnoxious person.

[Allison Rosen]

That's funny you mentioned that thing about the push ups because as soon as it got brought up, the what's the difference between being hard on yourself or just self flagellating was in my mind it was have a goal. Like if you're just saying like, you know, God, I look terrible, I'm fat and whatever versus I really should work on my, you know, whatever delta or you know, biceps or whatever having a goal like I'm going to get stronger at this. I would say that's the difference for just not being shitty yourself, but self Improvement, have a goal. Want to get somewhere with physical or work or whatever it is.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, also, self flagellation results in you rebelling against it. Usually, like, I suck, therefore, I'm not going to do anything constructive.

[Brian Bishop]

And, you know, there are things you're good at and there are things you're not good at. And focus on the things you're not good at. Be realistic about the things you're not good at, and then get good at them. Or at least get decent at them. Because you don't need to be great at everything. You can be great at two things and okay at the other three. If you're a great attorney. You can be a guy who's great at doing your job or doing certain aspects of your job, but middle of the pack when it comes to attendance and paperwork, it'll far outweigh it. But you being great at being an attorney, what won't work is you being great at this and miserable at that or horrible at that. So all you have to do is work your way up to a six and a half. You don't have to be a 10 at everything.

[Adam Carolla]

I've never been able to do a cartwheel. I was just thinking about that today. I was thinking, is now the time that I'm gonna try to finally learn. Can adults do cartwheels? Adults that aren't PE teachers, ones that.

[Brian Bishop]

Win the lottery can.

[Allison Rosen]

I've seen commercials.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I mean, like I said, if you can't do a headstand or whatever it is, start fucking working on it. Like I am telling you, the getting back to skipping rope. Haim, you motivated? Calling from Miami.

[Caller]

Yeah, down here for a couple weeks.

[Brian Bishop]

Jewish attorney calling from Florida. What the fuck?

[Allison Rosen]

What's going on?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Wow, you're blowing my mind, man. All right. Skipping rope. Every boxer. Oh, just about all the guys I've ever worked with in the gym have been very bad at skipping rope because it's just not something that comes naturally to them. Thus they never do it, they avoid it. And before you know it, they've been boxing for 10 years. You know, amateur stuff, not professional boxers, but working out, taking the Sport seriously for 10 years, hitting the heavy bag, hitting the speed bag, sparring, doing everything else. Can't skip rope for lick. Why? They don't skip it because they're bad at it. They skip skipping rope because they're bad at it. Instead of put in 10 minutes trying to do it before you do any shadowboxing, any heavy bag work, anything else, you get to the Gym, give me 10 minutes. I guarantee in six months you'll be passable. And then you'll get to the point where you'll just keep getting better. But instead you look at it and you go, that's embarrassing. I'm not good at it. I look like an idiot. I look heavy footed and uncoordinated and spastic. I don't want other people judging me while I'm doing this really bad. What I do look good? I look cool hitting heavy bag. I'm going right for the heavy bag. That's what people do in life and also play to their strengths. Well, think about it. You get out of high school. When you're in school, you're constantly forced to do things that you're not good at. You go, hey, you're taking algebra. And you go, I'm no good with numbers. Tough shit. You're taking algebra or history or science. I'm not a science. I don't know anything about that. Good. Too bad. You do it. You just do it, do it, do it. Then you get it. You become an adult. What do you do? Just avoid everything you're not good at. Skipping rope, cartwheels, what have you.

[Adam Carolla]

It's the best part of being an adult, right?

[Brian Bishop]

It is just going sometimes. Yeah, it is like going, fuck it. I'm not good at algebra. I'll never do algebra ever again. But it makes you stronger working on your weak points than it does spending extra time on the parts of you that are already strong. If your biceps are already big, instead of doing curls, do some squats. It'll make you a more well rounded athlete. Oh, right. We got questions up there. Our guest is here. We got to get on with our lives. You see anything on there? Someone's stuck in Austin Airport. I feel bad when people have been on hold for so long.

[Adam Carolla]

Mine, five.

[Brian Bishop]

All right. Hey, is it Marcia? Yes. 23. Hi. Hi. Hi.

[Adam Carolla]

I have a question.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah?

[Adam Carolla]

I have been dating a boy for four years and he's white and I'm Mexican. And I didn't notice it until a.

[Brian Bishop]

Couple years into a relationship that his.

[Adam Carolla]

Family is extremely racist against me. They call me the dirty Mexican. And one time I took a shower.

[Brian Bishop]

Are you dirty?

[Allison Rosen]

Do you bathe, Marsha?

[Brian Bishop]

No.

[Caller]

One time I took a shower at.

[Adam Carolla]

His house and his sister ran upstairs.

[Caller]

And bleached the whole bathroom afterwards.

[Brian Bishop]

Wait a minute. Yes. Hold on, hold on now. I'm sure there are plenty of racists out there. What would she say though? Like, if I talk to this Guy's sister who's 25 and growing up in some suburb of Chicago, which she and I went. Marcia just took a shower. And then you ran up and bleached a place to decontaminate it from. Because she's Hispanic. What do you think she would say? Yes, she's a filthy Mexican. Don't you think she would have. What would she say? Wouldn't she have an answer that maybe made some sense in 2014? No, no. I don't mean to talk people out of it, but I also don't want people that just take stuff and run with it sometimes. I'm sure she's racist, but decontaminating the bathroom is a weird. Well, Marcus, that's novelty.

[Adam Carolla]

The fact that they call you. Sorry, go ahead.

[Brian Bishop]

Are you just saying I'm dirty? No, what I'm saying is, what does the sister do for a living?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, nothing. She doesn't do anything. She's 23 and she, like, babysits once in a while.

[Brian Bishop]

Right. She junkie or drug addict? Is she educated?

[Caller]

No, no, none of those does.

[Brian Bishop]

Where did they grow up?

[Adam Carolla]

Area like.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, outside of Chicago. Outside of Chicago. All right, so. But I guess what I'm saying is, couldn't she have been cleaning the bathroom? Do you think she really wanted to decontaminate it from you?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, because she stomps up the stairs, slams the door, sprays it as hard.

[Brian Bishop]

As she can, and huffs and puffs the whole time. Okay, all right.

[Allison Rosen]

I've seen the movies. I know how this ends. Probably with the musical number. But everyone's gonna get along at the end, so don't worry about it.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, so that's the family, but the boyfriend's not this way?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, no, I think he likes Mexicans.

[Brian Bishop]

That's why he's dating me. Okay, well, why don't you? I don't feel like the people's family. I don't know how close this guy is with his family, but my family is a zero factor in whoever I've ever dated or been with my entire life. Like, they never have to see him. Maybe Thanksgiving or something. It's just a zero. And my life's been a zero factor. I date anybody I want. Never been an issue. And no one I've dated. Family's really been an issue either. Does it have to be an issue?

[Allison Rosen]

Wait, I thought you had a dad try and get you to go away. The debutante girl.

[Brian Bishop]

I did. He came. Gordon was his name. I wish he would have offered me, like, in a movie. Here's $10,000. Name your rifle.

[G]

Never come back here again.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Name your rifle. I gotta. No, he was scary. 80s dad with a nugget watch. I saw him when me and Dennis Prager did an engagement in Long Beach. He came out and said, hi, his name was Gordon. He was a rich attorney. And I don't think he didn't do anything other than he didn't put his baby through USC so that she could graduate and date a guy who drove a truck. Who. He needed vice grips to roll the windows up and down and where the bench seat was, had dinette seats like.

[Allison Rosen]

She must have handed him.

[Brian Bishop]

She was not. He was not a fan of the guy who made $7 an hour picking up garbage. I don't think I would have. I understood. Quite clearly you agreed with him.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, who.

[Brian Bishop]

Look, if I fucking put my daughter through USC and then she brought me home to fucking flunkies clean up garbage on a construction site for seven bucks an hour and driving a car that doesn't have cranks on it. Yeah. I'd probably be like, that's probably not your future. Turns out he was right. He didn't do anything to me. Like, he didn't. Again, I would have liked it if he would have done the name your price. 80s looked up checkbook. I could just tell he wasn't a fan. And, you know.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, he ended up being a fan. He saw you do a live show with Dennis Prager. He ended up being a fan.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. 30 years on, he became a fan. And I don't know if he ever decontaminated, like, the toilet seat or anything. I have to figure that out. All right. Anyway, look, look, I'm sorry. These guys are this way. I would. Does your boyfriend think they're that way?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay. Okay. They're ridiculous. So good they're out. You go out to dinner on Thanksgiving?

[Adam Carolla]

No, I see them every day.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, okay, you're gonna have to vote. He. He's how old? 21. Can you put him on the fucking phone? Yeah, sure.

[Caller]

Yes, Adam.

[Brian Bishop]

Hello.

[Caller]

Hi.

[Brian Bishop]

Now, listen, Are they as bad? Is what Marsha's really saying?

[Caller]

Yes. My sister in particular.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay. Why are you living with these idiots?

[Caller]

Well, here's the thing.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Caller]

I'm in the union, right? So it kind of sucks.

[Brian Bishop]

I get three days a week at.

[Caller]

Work, so I don't make enough full. You know, I'm not full time, so I can't move out.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, hold on. First off, he's in the union. The union. Here's the thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Which one?

[Brian Bishop]

Anyone can do anything they want. They just have to be motivated. I moved Out. I got roommates. We lived in a one bedroom apartment and rent was like 440 bucks a month. We whacked it up three ways and I was making $7 an hour. It sucked. I didn't have car insurance or dental plan. But you can do. You'd be surprised what you can do when forced to do it. Everyone does that. Well, it's not a good time right now. It's never a good time. Your first move is never a good time. Just look at that.

[Adam Carolla]

It sounds like he's not particularly miserable or not miserable enough living at home.

[Brian Bishop]

He should be. And he shouldn't be living with these people. And he shouldn't be subjecting her to this. And if he's a good boyfriend, he should get a roommate, move the fuck out. Rent a whatever, Just move out. All right, let's take ourselves a little bit of a break. Brandy Burkhart is here. She is in a little TV show on CW called Hart Dixie. Also lots of Broadway stuff and Mamma Mia. And others as well. We'll talk to her right after this. Yeah, we's back. You can pre order my book, by the way. The picture is up on Amazon, so you can finally see the COVID They finally threw it up there. Allison Rosen, your new best friend. Everybody, Jake and Amir. And new episodes every Monday and Thursday, AllisonRosen.com, iTunes as well. Mangria events coming up. Just go to corolladrinks.com and you can find out where those events are. And the most interesting man in the world's ex wife up as we speak on YouTube if you want to check out some funny animation with Michael Naron as well. Brandi Burkhart is our guest. Heart of Dixie. She smells Good. Mondays, 8pm on the CW. Good to see you, Brandi.

[Brandi Burkhart]

Thanks for having me.

[Brian Bishop]

Give us a little history on you. We're seeing some Broadway stuff here.

[Brandi Burkhart]

Yeah, I've been on the Broadway. It starred in Mamma Mia and A Tale of Two Cities in New York. I was on a little soap opera called Passions for a while. I played a mermaid. That was fascinating.

[Brian Bishop]

Was Passions the insane? Yes. It was soap opera.

[Brandi Burkhart]

Yes, it was.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay. They just decide to just go crazy and see what happened. And it kind of worked, right?

[Brandi Burkhart]

You know, I think people either watched it because they were fascinated by the storylines because they were so wacky. I mean, I was a mermaid and there were witches and all kinds of supernatural stuff. You know, it was fun. Everybody had a really good time.

[Adam Carolla]

Look, embarrassed. Embrace it.

[Brandi Burkhart]

I know. You know what it Was. It was. I had a lot of fun.

[Brian Bishop]

So yeah, it was sort of like that R. Kelly video in the closet or something.

[Allison Rosen]

Trapped in the closet.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Or whenever it was.

[Brian Bishop]

Right. Well, the point is this. I don't know if people loved it or hated it, but they would talk about it. They didn't know what to do with it. They didn't really know what to make of it. Which from an artistic standpoint is really kind of what you're going for. They just want people going, have you seen this thing? There's a. I don't know, there's a midget. It was, I don't know, having sex with a unicorn or something.

[Brandi Burkhart]

Exactly.

[Brian Bishop]

And it was like everyone was talking about it for 19, 2004. I'm trying to think of when the hell that was, but Broadway, let's talk about that. So I'm guessing you can sing, right?

[Brandi Burkhart]

I can actually. I was a singing mermaid too. So just attach that onto it.

[Allison Rosen]

You could just say mermaid.

[Brandi Burkhart]

Mermaid. Yes, that's true. Right. So yeah, I was in Mamma Mia. I played Sophie, the girl running around looking for her dads. And it's, you know, it was such a pleasure. It was such a fun show and an audience and even when you didn't feel like doing it again, it was like the music started and it was like party on.

[Brian Bishop]

I imagine when you're probably playing the sold out houses every night and matinees as well. So even when your energy was a little bad or you're feeling a little bit like this again, the music would fire up, you'd see that sold out audience and it would just come alive.

[Brandi Burkhart]

And it was quite usual to have bachelorette parties going on in the audience and people dressed up to come to see the show. So it was a show for us from the stage too.

[Brian Bishop]

And did you go to that cool little secret speakeasy place that David Alan Grier took me to off of Broadway? Like never went.

[Brandi Burkhart]

Where is this? It might not be a secret anymore.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, hey everybody, you want to see someone get on a pole with a tail? Little Mermaid comedy there. The, the. I went and saw him in Race, that Mamet play. And when we were done, he said, there's a place that all the Broadway people. Some of the Broadway people, maybe not all the elite Broadway people. No, he just said, there's a place that we go and hang out. It's up a couple of stairs, it's down the street and it doesn't have any sign on it. And it's so those guys can go Hang kibbets with each other but not be bugged by the fans that would inevitably bother them if they went up the street, went to a deli.

[Brandi Burkhart]

Well, he was super famous, so I mean, I didn't run into that problem.

[Brian Bishop]

But once you would get out of your outfit and all that stuff.

[Brandi Burkhart]

Less recognizable, I mean, I think so, yeah. I mean you get the rare super fans that will like follow you down the street. But that doesn't usually happen.

[Brian Bishop]

But you must get a certain amount of hot blonde recognition. Just generic hot blonde recognition. Like you must be somebody you know.

[Brandi Burkhart]

More in New York. And it's usually construction workers and that usually helps. Like when you're going in for an audition, it's like some.

[Allison Rosen]

You bring the construction worker with you into the audition.

[Brandi Burkhart]

Yeah, you know, agent hires a couple.

[Brian Bishop]

Guys to stand out front. No, it's the guy. Once in a while there's a guy who's 6, 9 or 7 foot and he'll always get the, well, you must play ball. You play ball in high school, college, there's always that. So once in a while that guy didn't play any ball. He just happens to be tall. But the hot blonde, you go, you must do something. Yeah.

[Brandi Burkhart]

You get a lot of the, oh, are you a model or something? And I'm like, oh, like no, I like to see.

[Brian Bishop]

That's the best thing any human being could ever say to another human being though.

[Brandi Burkhart]

Is it?

[Brian Bishop]

I think so.

[Brandi Burkhart]

Oh, okay.

[Brian Bishop]

I think if you gave everyone a list of questions to someone you didn't know, I get a lot of were you, did you, were you dropped or something?

[Allison Rosen]

What happens?

[Adam Carolla]

And I get, if I say I'm with the Adam Kollis show, are you a producer?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Makes me feel so good.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. You want the model? The model, are you a model? Is about the best question that could ever be asked.

[Brandi Burkhart]

No, because then the follow up questions are always something like they're looking at.

[Adam Carolla]

For something, it's not a good thing. Like what?

[Brandi Burkhart]

You know, like, oh, what are you doing this weekend? That kind of thing. Then you're in a sticky situation.

[Brian Bishop]

Are you single?

[Brandi Burkhart]

I'm not married. Engaged as of New Year's Eve.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, that's nice. When are we looking to get married?

[Brandi Burkhart]

In June and I'm racing because this whole wedding planning thing stinks. Like I don't know why people like to do it.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm in the midst of that. It's much more stressful than I expected and everything takes longer. And you will wonder at one point, well, at least that's Sort of where I am. Why you're doing it because it's expensive and it's a pain in the butt. My fiance, Daniel.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it's a different dude. Brandy, don't worry about it. But I think. I would think that weddings and divorce and. See, here's I. There's a whole industry built up around both events, and both of them are meant to spiral out of control and make a whole bunch of people money that don't really need that money for an event that could be handled in a much quieter, more dignified way. I think so. I don't know. I've talked about this with the divorce. The divorce is everyone always sort of agrees in theory, you know, well, we're just gonna whack things up and go our separate ways and whatever it is. And then somebody gets hold of somebody and gets into somebody's ear, and then somebody gets a lawyer, and the next thing you know, the thing just spins out of control. And then everyone tells you they're not. They're nightmare stories about divorce. You don't plan it. Don't plan the divorce. Finish getting married, and then we'll sit down and talk divorce.

[Brandi Burkhart]

Good advice, good advice.

[Brian Bishop]

But the marriage, if you think about it, it's the same thing. It always starts off with. It's gonna be small and intimate, no big deal or fireworks or anything like that. Then somebody starts tugging on your ear. Well, you need a videographer, right? You're like, well, we're just gonna. Actually, my nephew was gonna. Oh, yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

But the out of town guests, they're.

[Brian Bishop]

Gonna have a video, and they're gonna need to stay somewhere. And then if you invite this guy and you don't invite that guy, this couple's gonna have their feelings hurt because they met you about the same time, that couple. And then spin, spin, spin. And then you start having these things where you go, 5,500 bucks for floral arrangements, and then your wife to be goes, that's a deal. You don't understand. That's cheap. And I go, no, you're right. I don't understand. It's 5,500 bucks for something that's gonna be dead in two days. And they're like, hey, you're getting off cheap. And then they always bring up someone else's name and someone else's wedding. You know, Mitch. Tammy Johnson's 7,500 bucks for her floral.

[Brandi Burkhart]

And it's intimidating looking at the flower arrangements and the pictures that go with them, because you think that that's what it's supposed to look like. But in reality, it's just supposed to be you and him and standing there and saying the things and.

[Brian Bishop]

But then here's the question for the guys. I, of course, was just gonna bankroll everything, but I didn't. I just wasn't that interested in the floral arrangements, the color patterns and things like that. But then if you just sit there as the guy and everything that comes along, you go, I don't know, whatever you want, pick it out, flip a coin. Then you are not involved enough. You see what I'm saying? You can't just be the guy who cuts the checks. You cannot tell your fiance. When she goes, now, what color do you want for the tablecloth? Just pick one. Just pick one. Just pick one. Eventually you're gonna seem not involved. On the other hand, you don't wanna get too involved. That's obnoxious.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, too involved. Then you're groomzilla. And then what happens is then she just hypothetically is having trouble making decisions because she's trying to balance what you want with what she wants, with what everyone wants.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, Daniel. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

I mean, this hypothetical, dude, you have.

[Brian Bishop]

To feign concern, but just not. Don't overdo it.

[Allison Rosen]

My advice to anyone ever brought it up for the groom was pick two or three things and have a very strong opinion about those. The rest of the, to leave it up to whoever feels, you know, the woman, whoever feels, the mother in law who feels most strongly about it. But music.

[Brian Bishop]

We're not.

[Allison Rosen]

We are having shivari chairs or this wedding, whatever that one thing is. Pick two things and feel very strongly about them.

[Brian Bishop]

So you got June, you got a. You got a location?

[Brandi Burkhart]

We're working on it. My grandmother's very concerned that there will be enough bathrooms. I don't know. I didn't know that was something I needed to consider.

[Brian Bishop]

I always think about going to the bathroom a lot.

[Brandi Burkhart]

Yeah, I guess.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. She may have been going to the bathroom while she was voicing that concern.

[Brandi Burkhart]

Yeah. And she's gonna love that I mentioned it.

[Brian Bishop]

And your man, is he in the industry?

[Brandi Burkhart]

He is not. He's a jeweler.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh. He's got to come through with that ring, right?

[Brandi Burkhart]

Yeah, he did.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, the ring's. Now, did he make the.

[Brandi Burkhart]

I mean, he picked it out and I mean, he. Yeah, I mean, he doesn't make it.

[Allison Rosen]

Some customer ordered that in. Welched.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I get it. They walked. Yeah. Yeah. But either way, he's got to step up if he's the jeweler, right?

[Brandi Burkhart]

Yeah, but I mean, step up. He's you know, it is what it is.

[Brian Bishop]

But can I ask this when. Let's say. Let's say you make it to your first anniversary. No holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, things like that. If he gives you jewelry, is that good or is that. He's a jeweler, so it doesn't really count for me.

[Brandi Burkhart]

That's totally good. Like, I'm. I'm good with that. But he doesn't do that. Like, for Christmas, actually, he gave me these. He's a surfer, too. So he, like. He, like, gave me these, like, surf goggles. And it was adorable because he wrapped it himself in paper that I had used last Christmas for his gift, which he completely just. It. I mean, it looked like I had to take a picture of. It was so. It was awful looking, but it was so cute.

[Brian Bishop]

So he got you something that he would have liked, that you're cool with that.

[Brandi Burkhart]

I mean, it was cute. That's what men do, right? Like, we have to think that they're adorable because. Aw, poor. You don't know any better than to get me.

[Brian Bishop]

You're very kind.

[Allison Rosen]

So you're thinking they'll make it to the first anniversary?

[Brian Bishop]

All right, you want to do a little news? You want to hang out? You want to crack wise, Brandon, and have some fun with us?

[Brandi Burkhart]

Let's do it.

[Brian Bishop]

Let's do it. Let me give a little love to one of our sponsors, stamps.com. baby, I don't know if you've heard yet. Postage rates. They've changed again. And they haven't changed by going down or moving laterally.

[Allison Rosen]

Don't tell me they're going up. I can't. I. I will walk. I'll be angry.

[Brian Bishop]

I think they're going up. As a matter of fact, the lateral move was stupid. I think that would just be the same. Yeah, probably shouldn't have said that. We'll clean that up in post. Anyway. Speaking of post post office, you need to go there. Why? Deal with it, man. Use stamps.com. you can buy and print official US postage using your own computer. Does it automatically. It calculates the exact postage you need for any letter, any package. And I got a special no risk trial 110 buck bonus offer. It includes a digital scale and 55 bucks free postage. 55 bucks free postage. How about that? Only if you enter Adam, go to stamps.com before you do anything else. Click on the microphone at the top of the homepage. Type in Adam, that is stamps.com promo code. Adam. All right, Allison, let's do a little news. The News with Allison Rosen. She'll read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. It's Allison. Allison. And when it's time to wrap it up, she'll sign it off with Zip it, cunt. It's Allison. Allison.

[Adam Carolla]

So the Grammys are happening at the Staples center as we record this.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And here are some of the wins that we know so far. Macklemore and Ryan Lewis won for best new artist, and Gary said it makes him want to kill himself.

[Brian Bishop]

Go ahead.

[Allison Rosen]

Prove it.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, dude.

[Adam Carolla]

Macklemore and Ryan.

[Brian Bishop]

You got a roof. You can jump off it. Don't hit the jag. Sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

God, no. I'm sorry. Macklemore and Ryan Lewis won for best rap performance for Thrift Shop.

[Brian Bishop]

First off, that's. Is that song three years old yet? Like, it won't. It won't go anywhere. And do these guys just seem like colossal douchebags?

[Adam Carolla]

Right, yeah. Imagine Dragons won best rock performance for Radioactive. This whole thing is just making me feel really old and really out of touch.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't know that I remember the soup dragon. I don't know the Imagine Dragons. Does everyone know the Imagine Dragons?

[Allison Rosen]

They have a big, big, big hit. Even I know that one, and I don't listen to.

[Brian Bishop]

Is it key? Like, for Macklemore and the Thrift Shop thing, is it key just to sort of get that hook, like, brass monkey kind of thing? Like, you just get that one weird hook in and then that's it. We're all stupid and it never ends.

[Adam Carolla]

I think so.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Vampire Weekend 1, Best Alternative Music album for Modern Vampires of the City, Pharrell Williams and Daft Punk. Best pop duo group performance for Get Lucky. Is it Macklemore or Macklemore?

[Brian Bishop]

I don't know.

[Allison Rosen]

It's the Imagine Dragons. You've probably heard this song.

[Adam Carolla]

Mackles, Macklemore and. Okay, wait, what is this?

[Allison Rosen]

Imagine Dragons.

[Brian Bishop]

Radioactive. These are the mermaid dragons. Oh.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

It's everywhere.

[Adam Carolla]

Is it commercial?

[Allison Rosen]

I'm sure it's on trailers.

[Brian Bishop]

You know, it's wor. There's nothing worse than important rock. This is important rock.

[Adam Carolla]

I thought you, too, cornered the market on that.

[Brian Bishop]

They just do bucka, bucka, bucka, bucka bucka bucka bucka bucka bucka bucka bucka bucka bucka bucka bucka bucka. That's what they do.

[Adam Carolla]

Macklemore and Ryan Lewis for best rap song. Oh, and best rap performance. I see. For Thrift Shop, Macklemore and Ryan Lewis. The Heist got best rap Album.

[Brian Bishop]

I feel like we're watching them do Thrift Shop and get awards for it. This time last year. Did they come out that that's okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Are you thinking of the VMAs or there's. I don't know, but I just feel like 8 million awards shows hosted by LL Cool.

[Brian Bishop]

It's got to flip over every 12 months, right? I just feel like that thing's been around for 18 months. How can it keep? Alright.

[Adam Carolla]

Anyway, Zedd won best dance recording for clarity. Not familiar with the work of Zed.

[Brian Bishop]

Made a lot of money on that.

[Adam Carolla]

Daft Punk won best Dance Electronica album for Random Access Memories. And Adele won best song written for visual media for Skyfall.

[Brian Bishop]

Now, isn't Skyfall three years old too?

[Adam Carolla]

It feels more than one.

[Brian Bishop]

They both came out in 2012.

[Allison Rosen]

We've already been talking about Skyfall. We don't have an answer for that one. The Macklemore one. Thrift Shop was a single. So the album may not have come out until later, which may.

[Brian Bishop]

But Skyfall was for the movie. Two and a half years old. I remembered O12 is when that came out.

[Brandi Burkhart]

Maybe the record came out after all right.

[Brian Bishop]

Anyway, I'm old because this all just sounds like I want to take a hose to it and yell get off my lawn.

[Adam Carolla]

Tell me about that Grandpa Corolla. Something that people are talking about. There will be a. Was an on air wedding of 34 couples during Macklemore and Ryan Lewis's performance of same love. 34 couples of various orientations so gay and straight and Madonna joined them on stage and Queen Latifah officiated. I'm putting this in past tense because I right now, I assume this has already happened. I have not actually seen it with my own eyes. But anyway, all right. We could have gotten married at the Grammys. We could have been two of those couples.

[Brian Bishop]

I know it sounds boring as hell, but go ahead. What is Queen Latifah, you know, declared a major sexually yet or is it just one? Mean just going to a 50 year old single gal. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

She's just living her own life.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

I think, I think.

[Brian Bishop]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. I don't think she has declared.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay, but at a certain point, like you don't need like Lance Bass didn't need to say anything, did he? Like at a certain point we're not, you know, back in the Liberace days somebody had to say something. Now I don't feel like you have to say anything. I like not saying anything. I like just. I Don't like the declarations of the.

[Allison Rosen]

Sexuality when it's unnecessary.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I don't even know that it is ever necessary.

[Adam Carolla]

You should be on the COVID of magazine saying, yep, I'm straight.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right. That's right, ladies.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Brian Bishop]

Sorry, dude.

[Allison Rosen]

Sorry, fellas.

[Brian Bishop]

Sorry, fellas.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, rank Oscars, Emmys, Tonys, Grammys in order of what you care about, because Grammys have now begun. I used to write about music, and I played in a band, and I used to listen to music all the time and go to shows. And Grammys are very low on my list. List of things I care about at this point.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't know how it works in terms of ratings and things like that, but to me, I used to feel like you'd be, you know, I don't know, rooting for the Foo Fighters or something to win Best Rock Album. Or even before that, you might be, you know, Aerosmith or something. And it used to be everything used to just be populated with a bunch of bands that were like perennials. You know, they're just. Just always. Always there, always getting nominated, always. Always around. And now. And I don't know, it was like, you know, U2 and Elton John were always up in Madonna for Grammys. And now it's just a whole bunch of bands that I've never, never heard of and don't seem to care about. And I don't feel like they're going to be talked about 10 years from now. Now they would have the Milli Vanillis in amongst the Elton Johns and the U2s and the LED Zeppelins and the what have yous. But that would be a weird story that once in a while, like, which.

[Allison Rosen]

One of these don't belong kind of thing.

[Brian Bishop]

Right now, it just feels like nobody belongs. But maybe it's me who doesn't belong. So for me, it'd definitely be the Oscars. First Golden Globes is climbing the charts just because people are getting drunk and it's kind of saying fun things up there. But, yeah, the Grammys, I just feel like I don't. I don't feel the attachment to it. Not rooting for anybody.

[Brandi Burkhart]

Brandy, I'm gonna go with you guys. But I also think it's hard to talk about music in a subjective way because there's so much available. And like, with movies, you can look at it and you can say, oh, that's cinematography. Oh, that performance. Oh, that direction. Like, you can break it down in a different way, whereas music is so, like, I don't know, it's like something you.

[Adam Carolla]

You're right.

[Brandi Burkhart]

People are like, yeah, exactly.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. It's hard to quantify. And you can't take it away from somebody. If you go, there are just movies. You're right that if you just went, I just love this movie. We could all take it away from you by explaining to you why you cannot love that movie. And you could go into Rotten Tomatoes and see that it's getting 14%, and we could let you know why that movie was no good. The music is. Makes me dance. It makes me smile.

[Allison Rosen]

And it's always behind. It's always a few years behind. Like, you realize, you know, Metallica lost to Jethro Tull for, you know, best heavy metal years later, you realize that was a huge injustice. And, yeah, time is nothing kind to that decision.

[Brian Bishop]

Mm.

[Adam Carolla]

But, Adam, you're so outspoken about songs that you don't like. I'm wondering among the listenership, if there are people who actually like Steve Miller Band or like. No, I can't go for that.

[Brian Bishop]

I read your tweets.

[Adam Carolla]

And if it's hard for them to like it after hearing you explain why they shouldn't.

[Brandi Burkhart]

Well, first off, hear why we shouldn't like it. I want to hear. Just real quick.

[Brian Bishop]

You shouldn't. Well, you take a song, you kind of break it down into separate pieces. Like, you go, well, let's hear the lyrics. What are they singing about? Are they clever? Are they smart? Like, what's being conveyed? And you take something like Man Eater, and you go, okay, the lyrics are a piece of shit, yet they're fucking insultingly bad. By the way, do you know a human being that could not pen the lyrics to Man Eater?

[Allison Rosen]

God knows I tried.

[Brian Bishop]

Or an equivalent of. Could you have done. Could you have created the lyrics for Man Eater when you were in the seventh grade?

[Brandi Burkhart]

I think that you're saying this.

[Brian Bishop]

Anybody could have fucking written that piece of shit abortion of a song. So the lyrics are fucking zero. Whoa, whoa.

[Allison Rosen]

There she goes. And God knows I struggle.

[Brian Bishop]

That's Jack Silver, our old program director, Kayla Sachs. So the song's a pile of shit. Lyrically, the song's a pile of shit. So you go, all right, and I'll be generous. I'll give Maneater a 1 in the lyric department. It's insultingly bad, but again, it's a. Anybody could have written that song. I don't write songs for a living. I don't write songs in general. I could write better lyrics than Man Eater, and I don't think there's an Individual inside the studio, outside the studio that could have done the same. Then you get down to the music. Completely and utterly soulless shows. No, it's. It's hollow, tinny and soulless. There's a sax solo that just is a generic 80 sax solo that could be pulled in and plugged into any fucking song from 1984. It would not matter. And then you start really breaking it down into the components. And you do the same thing you do with a car. You just go. The interior looks like shit. The exterior looks like shit. It's got 105 horsepower. It gets horrible mileage. You can call it a good car till you're blue in the face. I've broken it all down to its pieces, and it's a piece of shit.

[Brandi Burkhart]

But why don't you like Thrift Shop? Because that's hysterical.

[Brian Bishop]

Now, I gotta hear. I have not sat down and broke the lyrics down to Thrift Shop. I need to hear it. I don't like music where I feel like. And again, I haven't examined the song.

[Brandi Burkhart]

I feel like they don't start there.

[Brian Bishop]

They steal where they sample. I don't like any sampling or stealing. I'm like, write your own fucking song. And they go, oh, no. But you understand we're realizing cashmere in a different way. And it's like, no, you're not. That's someone else's song. That sounds like Brass Monkey to me, basically. I don't know if this lick existed. Walk into the club like, what up? I got a big cock. I'm pumped about some From a thrift shop. Ice in the Fringe is so damn frosty. The people like, damn, that's a cold ass honky. All right. Little sense of humor about itself. All right. There's funny turning the corner. All right, you can stop it now. I like the sense of humor of it. But that repeating, never ending, weird little brass monkey hook is annoying. And I don't know if they stole it from somebody, but they should fucking give it back. That's the way I feel. And it's like, that is the whole song. All the dumb people like that hook. And then they're into it. They just hear that hook. That's it.

[Brandi Burkhart]

I hear you.

[Brian Bishop]

Don't feel like it's going anywhere.

[Brandi Burkhart]

Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

No. Mamma mia.

[Brandi Burkhart]

It's true. Abba's pretty. It's pretty great.

[Brian Bishop]

I like me some abba.

[Brandi Burkhart]

It is. It's good. I mean, you'd be surprised.

[Brian Bishop]

I have plenty of ABBA songs in my ABAPHONE there. No, they. They.

[Brandi Burkhart]

The Harmonies are really good.

[Brian Bishop]

They're good. They're good. They're. They're pop band. I mean, look, it's. You know, it's in and out Burger. But it's good.

[Brandi Burkhart]

Totally.

[Brian Bishop]

Thank you. There's definitely such a thing as good pop. Like, we don't have to be snobs. You know, they write good hooks and good songs, and the lyrics are fun. And all the. Waterloo and all that stuff. I'm all about abba.

[Adam Carolla]

Adam likes Pink.

[Brian Bishop]

Mm.

[Adam Carolla]

We found out the other day.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right. Wow. She's brassy. I like that. That's sassy. Well, a lot of it was based on her brother being a big fan of the Man Show. Again, let's. Let's be honest.

[Allison Rosen]

It works in her favor.

[Brian Bishop]

I like her personality. I don't have any of her music, but I like her. She's tough. All right.

[Brandi Burkhart]

Has she been in here?

[Brian Bishop]

No. Loveline. Loveline. We should get her in here. I think she's out here. I saw her. So it's not in the Valley or something. Anyway, we'll work it out. Let's do one more, baby girl.

[Adam Carolla]

Vincent Asaro, a reputed top member of the Bonanno organized crime family, was arrested by the FBI on Thursday and charged with taking part in a robbery of 6 million in cash and jewels in 1978 at the JFK International Airport. It was the Lufthansa heist.

[Brian Bishop]

Ooh. Yeah. That's when 6 million was 6 million, man.

[Allison Rosen]

Goodfellow. Shit. Right there.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Exactly. Key to the plot, right? The single biggest haul in U.S. history. He was also charged with murder for allegedly strangling a suspected informant with a dog chain. And said, Loretta Lynch, U.S. attorney for the Eastern District of New York. These, quote, goodfellas thought they had a license to steal, a license to kill, and a license to do whatever they wanted. However, today's arrest of the five members of the banana crime family brings an end to their violent and ruthless ways.

[Allison Rosen]

How long do they work on these quotes? They must write them out.

[Adam Carolla]

And, like, there's a lot of license, too, here.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, they get passed around the office.

[Brian Bishop]

I feel sorry for anybody who has a name that's a famous and familiar name that ends with not that name. Loretta Lynn is the country singer pretty well known. So when you go, oh, you know who's gonna be in my party? Loretta Lynn. Hold on. Loretta Lynch. I love her.

[Allison Rosen]

She's my favorite.

[Brian Bishop]

Let me finish. Loretta Lynch.

[Allison Rosen]

Can I get her autographed? You think she'll be cool with that?

[Brian Bishop]

I'm gonna finish saying I've cut you.

[Allison Rosen]

Off three times now. I'm sorry, Judge.

[Brian Bishop]

Loretta.

[Allison Rosen]

So excited.

[Brian Bishop]

Loretta Lynch.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, that's not the favorite singer. I was thinking about it.

[Brian Bishop]

No. I see you're all whipped up.

[Allison Rosen]

God damn. Yeah, I guess I'll come to your party.

[Brian Bishop]

Mm. Mm. Also, Dolly Partch and Tom Bradenton is coming, too. Yeah, it's kind of sucking. I want to know how old she is. I want to know how old Loretta Lynn is, because they're about the same age. That's a horrible life. Not that Loretta Lynn. She had a good career. She's still. I can't remember if she's still around. Anyway, these guys, that's tough justice talk.

[Adam Carolla]

And he's.

[Brian Bishop]

What is he, 75 years old?

[Adam Carolla]

He's 78. The FBI rounded up four other alleged mobsters, including his 55 year old son, on various racketeering, arson, and extortion charges. So the arrest came from a decision by the FBI last June to search the Queen's home of James Jimmy the Ghent or Gent Burke. Excuse me? I knew I was the Gent Burke, who was suspected to be in the mastermind of.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, that was Jimmy the Gent. That was Daenerys character.

[Caller]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Jimmy Conway, the inspiration for Jimmy Conway.

[Brian Bishop]

One of Jimmy Kimmel's best friends. His name is Jimmy Gentleman. Crazy name. Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Gentleman.

[Allison Rosen]

Better check on him.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And so Burke died 18 years ago.

[Allison Rosen]

Wonder if they got Tommy two times or Jimmy two times.

[Brian Bishop]

That deposition is gonna take forever, by the way. Raiding the queen's home is another thing that sounds really good when you're first explaining it. And then it goes into. Yeah, I want to know. So Loretta Lynn is how old, and. And Loretta Lynn is how we can figure that one out?

[Allison Rosen]

Allison, you ever see Goodfellas?

[Adam Carolla]

I have not.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, can we assign her to see Goodfellas?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm sorry.

[Brian Bishop]

I know she's in your news tomorrow, so. Good.

[Adam Carolla]

I know, I know. I need to see it.

[Brian Bishop]

I will loan it to you, Loretta. Linus. 81, by the way.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't feel good about having not seen it.

[Brian Bishop]

You need to see it. I had this. Have this conversation with Drew all the time because he'd never seen the Shining, which used to anger me. And I would say, he. I'd say, I wish I'd never seen the Shining, and he'd go, why do you wish you'd never seen. So I could watch it. I would get the Blu Ray, and I would watch it this weekend, and I would be delighted by it. I've seen the Shining so many times, it's no longer surprise or good or anything. It was.

[Allison Rosen]

Effectiveness?

[Brian Bishop]

A little bit, yes. But I've seen almost every scene in Goodfellas probably 128 times in the movie. Straight through, probably 10 times.

[Adam Carolla]

Wanna hear something worse? When I was pretty young, I went to see it in the theater and I walked out. But I was young because it was too violent. So that's why I never went back to it.

[Brian Bishop]

All right. I could probably handle it now, though, revisit it. Because that movie.

[Allison Rosen]

Better than Shining, in my opinion.

[Brian Bishop]

I mean, they're both great, but better than almost anything. I mean, Pesci and De Niro are unbelievable. There's so many Ray Liotta. There's great storytelling, there's great music, there's great cinematography, great shots. And there's a lot of laughs in it.

[Allison Rosen]

Hysterical laughs.

[Adam Carolla]

I like laughs.

[Brian Bishop]

Tons of laughs in it. Joe Pesci's hysterical and Pesci's unbelievable in that movie.

[Adam Carolla]

Sold that. And then apparently Mighty Ducks 2. According to Chris Lacsomana. I've got to see it.

[Allison Rosen]

We gotta see the first one.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. First see the ducks.

[Adam Carolla]

D1.

[Brian Bishop]

First see D1, then D2. Then. Then Goodfellas, then Goodfellow. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the news. I'm Allison Rosen. Zip it, Kant.

[Brian Bishop]

That was the news with Allison Rosen. Ah. TaxAct.com TaxAct.com Easy, fast, free, love, all those things. TaxAct.com guides you every step of the way. Start anywhere, finish anytime on your computer, your tablet, your phone. Save money. Get your maximum refund guaranteed. No [e-mail] federal taxes are free to prepare, free to print and free to E file. Go to taxact.com adam. Let's do it today. Do it yourself. Do it for free. Do [e-mail] that's taxact.com, adam. You got this, baby. All right. Brandy, thank you so much. Congratulations. Thank you so much. Jeweler. Armenian Dude. What? How did you know? Because I listen to every stereotype. It's easier.

[Adam Carolla]

I love stereotypes.

[Brian Bishop]

Life is so much easier that way. It just makes. It's faster.

[Brandi Burkhart]

It's a good way to go.

[Brian Bishop]

It's a good way to drive. See but of stuffed animals up on the back seat there. And see that who saved who bumper sticker. You gotta get around profile everywhere you go. Saves you time, saves you money. The name of the TV show, I should say Hart Dixie Mondays, 8 o' clock on the CW. Brandi Burkhart. And until next time, Adam Krolf for Brandi Burkhart, Allison Rosen, and Ball Bryan saying mahalo. Yes, she's a filthy Mexican.

[Allison Rosen]

That does it for today's pro classics. Until tomorrow.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, and get it on Sa.