Brian Posehn + Ben Bailey (Carolla Classics)

Summary

Adam Carolla Show: Brian Posehn + Ben Bailey (Carolla Classics) - February 20, 2026

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Episode Overview

This "Carolla Classics" episode brings together some of the best moments from Adam Carolla’s extensive podcast archive, spotlighting comedian and "Cash Cab" host Ben Bailey and stand-up comic/writer Brian Posehn. Adam and co-hosts Gina Grad and Bryan Bishop deliver signature Carolla banter, observations about sports, parenting, pop culture, and a hilarious mock "Cash Cab" game with Ben Bailey. There’s honest talk about bullying, masculinity, advice-giving, and a deep dive into the quirks of everyday life—with plenty of laughs and the raw, irreverent tone fans expect from Carolla and crew.

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Key Discussion Points & Segments

1. Reflecting on 17 Years of the Adam Carolla Show (01:20)

• Superfan Giovanni opens with podcast history, evolution through eras (from Teresa to Gina Grad, and the COVID-remote years), and how to access "Carolla Classics" archives.
• Noteworthy: Adam enters reminiscing about past formats, co-hosts, and fan-favorite segments.

2. The Cash Cab Segment with Ben Bailey (41:28)

• Guest: Ben Bailey, stand-up comedian and Emmy-winning host of Cash Cab.
• The crew discusses the cultural impact of "Cash Cab" and how it became a phenomenon without heavy promotion.
  • Ben: “We had no advertising... people just learned about the show by catching it on the air. It’s almost like a word-of-mouth hit.” (42:08)
• Behind-the-scenes talk about cab medallions in NYC, the logistics of the show, and Bailey’s experience as a host.
  • Ben: “It’s several jobs at once… I’d much rather host a show in a studio.” (44:39)

They Play a Mock "Cash Cab" Game (49:00–63:00)

• Adam, Gina, and Bryan play along as fake contestants.
• Questions range from sports trivia to beer blends:
  • Q: “Since 1976, what popular antacid sponsored baseball’s Relief Pitcher of the Year award?”
    A: “Rolaids.” — Ben Bailey (50:17)
  • Q: “Name six U.S. States with five or fewer letters in the name.”
    Group struggles with Maine, Ohio, Texas, Utah, Idaho, Iowa.
    Gina: “We got four out of five…” (56:07)
• Red Light Challenge and Video Bonus Round.
  • Q: “Traditional Indian clay oven.”
    Adam: “Tandoori is correct.” (64:47)
• Entertaining banter about prize hypotheticals and the art of hosting.
  • Adam: “Letting it ride in hypothetical world where you don’t actually have the money is much easier.” (63:53)
  • Gina: “I hope you, Ben Bailey, continue to do Cash Cab for the rest of eternity…” (66:55)

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3. Sports Rant: Multi-use Stadiums, Player Safety & Field Conditions (05:06–10:30)

• Discussion on NFL games played on baseball fields, poor field maintenance, Mexican stadium logistics, and why football is played in all weather.
  • Adam: “Why is every snap and every crucial kick take place in the dirt?” (08:46)
  • Gina (deadpan): “With a billion dollars, it drives me nuts.” (07:17)

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4. Sensitivity, Seasickness, & Human Variation (10:53–21:12)

• Adam and crew riff on altitude sickness, motion sensitivity, spicy food tolerance, and “internal gyroscopes.”
  • Adam: “Some people just have this internal gyroscope that is easily sort of knocked…” (12:32)
  • Gina shares never getting seasick or car sick, even during chemo. (13:16)
• Adam proposes a (mock) research study on physiological vs. psychological roots of sensitivity.

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5. Party Stories: Kimmel’s Birthday & Earwax Removal (25:32–28:11)

• Adam recounts attending Jimmy Kimmel’s party, absurd conversations about earwax, and celebrities present.
  • Adam: “…we did about 40 minutes on who’s been probed anally. And everyone seemed to have a story.” (26:36)
  • Jennifer Aniston gets drawn into a running joke about a friend’s “medical procedure.” (27:43)

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6. Food & Diet: “Eat Your Feelings” with Gina Grad (33:21–39:14)

• Gina shares her Maple Shallot Chicken recipe and discusses low-carb, high-reward eating.
  • Adam: “There is no reason to go back to anything in terms of carbs… it’s satisfied.” (35:13)
  • Gina on mashed cauliflower: “It really feels satisfying, like you’re eating a carb with your chicken.” (37:40)

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7. Bullying, Masculinity, and Childhood Memories (161:28–175:10)

• Brian Posehn joins to discuss his memoir, “Forever Nerdy.” Topics include being bullied, awkward adolescence, and turning struggles into humor.
  • Brian: “Junior high was just brutal… I was even bullied by my friends.” (167:25)
  • Adam: “Does everyone get bullied? … Every girl tells you how awkward they were.” (167:17)
• Stories about playground games, the male pecking order, and a hilarious recounting of Adam being attacked by a girl after a softball game (174:20).

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8. On Advice, Human Nature, & Genetics (141:53–153:45)

• Adam laments the futility of giving advice—people need, but rarely want, it.
  • “People don’t want advice. They need advice. But if you sit down with them and try to offer it… they almost always reject it.” (152:37)
  • Discussion on entrepreneurial spirit and the limits of nurture vs. nature.

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9. Potty Training & Parenting Realities (93:23–103:29)

• Coverage of modern potty training classes and parental tactics.
  • Adam (joking about kid educators): “I feign retardation for 8 hours a day. That’s your job.” (94:11)
  • Real talk and humor about milestones in kids’ lives, toxic masculinity, and gender socialization.
  • Adam’s rant on nature v. nurture: “Nobody foisted anything on him… it’s encoded into his DNA.” (100:16)

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10. Rapid-fire Riffs & Classic Carolla Rants

• On Aquaman: “His powers are communicating, not growing aquatic life. There are no giant seahorses.” (69:55)
• Cold showers and home maintenance misadventures (118:34–125:49).
• Water damage stories, ruined homes, and why water is both life-giving and destructive (199:00).
• Dishwashers, “gross” debates, and how domestic chores reveal personality divides (213:42).
• On the futility of modern food/diet and germ avoidance fads: “When the dust settles, we will be as wrong as we were about the diet…” (210:42)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On sensitivity & internal ‘gyroscopes’:

  • Adam Carolla: “Some people just have this internal gyroscope that is easily knocked… I don’t have one of those gyroscopes.” (12:32)

• Ben Bailey on “Cash Cab” success:

  • “We had no advertising… people learned about the show by just catching it on TV… it’s almost like a word-of-mouth hit.” (42:08)

• Party recap:

  • Adam: “We did about 40 minutes on who’s been probed anally. And everyone seemed to have a story.” (26:36)

• On gender, advice, and authenticity:

  • Adam: “It’s encoded into his DNA… Not true at all. Nobody foisted anything on him… that’s how it is.” (100:16)

• Gina Grad, on bullying and adolescence:

  • “You don’t get the memo, but everyone does that: Oh, we’re not friends anymore… Oh, you’re mean.” (168:45)

• Bryan Bishop:

  • “The best you can do is give them that information. What they do with it is up to them. They can just go piss on the corner.” (147:41)

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Timestamps of Key Segments

• [01:20] — Giovanni’s intro, Adam Carolla Show history
• [41:28] — Ben Bailey ("Cash Cab") segment begins
• [49:00–63:00] — Cash Cab trivia game
• [05:06–10:30] — Stadium rants, NFL & MLB field conditions
• [10:53–21:12] — Sensitivity, altitude, motion sickness discussion
• [25:32–28:11] — Jimmy Kimmel’s party, celebrity earwax story
• [33:21–39:14] — “Eat Your Feelings,” low-carb cooking
• [69:55] — Aquaman’s giant seahorse tangent
• [93:23–103:29] — Potty training, parenting, gender wiring
• [118:34–125:49] — Cold showers, bad gas pipes
• [141:53–153:45] — Advice, human nature, entrepreneurialism
• [161:28–175:10] — Bullying, masculinity, and childhood
• [199:00] — Frankie Muniz and water damage

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Tone & Style Notes

• The language is consistently sharp, fast-paced, and laced with sarcasm—Carolla’s brand of self-aware, irreverent comedy.
• Panel-style banter: The conversational flow is spontaneous, with guests and regulars freely riffing, offering personal stories, and bouncing off Adam’s rants.
• Humor is raw, unfiltered, sometimes edgy, as expected for the Adam Carolla Show.
• Regular, pop culture trivia, relatable parenting rants, and an undercurrent of "real talk" about human behavior.

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For Listeners Who Missed the Episode

This is a classic, wide-ranging episode that jumps from pop culture trivia and the inside world of "Cash Cab" to sincere takes on bullying, advice-giving, and modern parenting. The trivia segments are fast and funny, the personal stories both embarrassing and endearing, and Adam’s rants are in top form. Noteworthy is Ben Bailey’s insight into hosting TV, Gina and Bryan’s honest anecdotes about growing up, and a steady undercurrent of observational comedy—whether it’s about NFL locker rooms, gender, or potty training.

It’s a treasure trove of Carolla’s style—irreverent, reflective, occasionally poignant, and always hilarious.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

Welcome to Parole Classics. I'm your host superfan Giovanni. This is the podcast we play the best moments, highlights and fans selected clips from all 16 years of the Adam Carolla Show. This upcoming Sunday will be the 17th anniversary of the first recording of the Adam Carolla Show. When they switched over from the radio show to the podcast, they had less than a weekend to get everything ready to go, get everything launched. Myself and Mike Chaffee did a bunch of stuff behind the scenes. Donnie was able to turn on the mics kind of, and Adam recorded that very uncertain, short, strangely formatted introduction to the ACS that everyone heard. With over 5 million downloads and excitement at the highest it was ever for the podcast, it's a really interesting time to reflect back on all 17 years of the show now with over 4000 episodes with multiple different eras of the show. The original run with just Adam with Teresa and Brian coming weekly for the day and date news format, then switching back over to the radio show format. Then Teresa left, Then there was the actual Allison era, then Gina joined the show after Allison left, then it was the Gina era of the show with Brian and then the whole Covid era of the show doing remotely. And then Gina and Brian came back to the studio and now the latest era without any co hosts, no news girl, no sound guy, sometimes Mayhem. We do have a separate podcast feed titled Cruel Classics. You can find it through Podcast one plus if you sign up over there Podcast one plus you'll find the Ad Free archives exclusively available for all of Cruel Classics. If you'd like the Ad Free archives for the Adam Corolla show or the Adam and Dr. Drew show or wish to get access to the new podcast, Beat It Out. Make sure to check out Adam Crolla's substack adamcarla.substack.com and if you'd like to request a clip, please email us classicsamcarla.com now, on to the clips coming up. First, we have Adam Crull show 2454, featuring the great Ben Bailey of Cash Cab and probably numerous other things. RJ Bell. Not in this portion. Gina Gratt and Brian Bishop from 2018. Hope you guys enjoy.

[A]

Thanks for sharing. We love that about you. Right, Gina Grad. That's right. Handball, Brian.

[C]

Fucking loser. Wow.

[A]

Oh, God.

[D]

Coming in hot. Right off the top.

[C]

Bruising for a bruising.

[A]

All right, let's see. We're excited to play Cash Cab. Is it Cash Cab? Yeah, yeah. We're playing that today and we're all gonna team up and play together. We're gonna join forces. I feel Brian's got a very good background for this. Gina and I bring something to the table as well. I feel very confident in our chances.

[D]

It's general trivia, and when you play along at home, it's much easier. But when we're in that cab, things are going to heat up.

[C]

As one, who's been on and won game show or two, it helps to know the format. You know, like, strategically, you'll do better at a game show. Wheel of Fortune, Jeopardy, whatever, if you understand the format really well. Gina and I have watched many episodes of Cash Cab. We're fans both together and alone, and so we're familiar with the.

[A]

Well, it's hard to turn it on and switch. And part of it is there's nothing better than a good format, but it's trivia. When they do trivia, we as human beings are drawn into it. And it's a simple answer. In one of those shows that I'll watch car shows and they'll go, the Dodge Coronet was invented in 1967, 1968 or 1969. Well, we're right back with that answer. And I don't even care about a Dodge Coronet. I'll go, it's 68. I know it my soul. It's 68. And then I'll just sit there and have to wait.

[E]

Right.

[A]

So that's how we're wired, I hope.

[D]

Yeah. I just hope we win the money before we get to Central Park.

[C]

We got a lot of bases covered amongst our base, pun intended. Bases of knowledge, you know what I mean? Like, we got a lot of. From pop culture to sports to menstrual cycles. Everything.

[A]

That's right.

[C]

Adam knows a lot about.

[E]

Yep.

[A]

All right, so had a thought. Let's see. I went to Kimmel's birthday party last night. That was fun. I had a thought about. I'm always trying to kind of figure out the sort of general everything in life. And I was watching SportsCenter when I got home last night, and they were showing. Oh, they've moved the Rams game from Mexico City to the Coliseum because the turf is bad. And I guess they had a couple of soccer games and a Shakira concert or something and whatever. Maybe they got a little over their donkeys over there. I was gonna say skis, but no one skis in Mexico. So they got a little over their burrows over there, and the sod's all screwed up and they're trying to scrape it up. And then I guess it becomes this sort of thing where it's like when a paint job gets screwed up and you go, we gotta fix it, but it's not really dry, but you try sanding it. Now it gets gooed up, and now it's actually wor. And I think that's kind of what happens with these fields. But either way, they're moving it. And it's also a weird world where they go, hey, safety of the players. First off, they're all trying to kill each other. Even when they're playing on AstroTurf, they're all attempting to kill each other.

[C]

I'm with, but I want to be safe when I do it right.

[A]

Number two, the first half of the season is played half on a baseball diamond and half on a grass field if you're in many parts of the country. So that feels a little inconsistent to me. The other thing is, if it starts pouring, they'll never stop the game, ever, no matter how hard it rains, unless there's lightning involved. So this thing where it's like they have to play on a less than perfect field, but I do get the part of. Well, when you're going with the Giants, I think the Giant. Well, it used to happen this way with the giants and the 49ers. I feel like back in the day.

[C]

Candlestick.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Overlap in September.

[A]

And the Rams, when they were in Anaheim, would do this with the Angels.

[C]

It's crazy that it's 2018 and we're still doing it with the Raiders, it's crazy. There's a professional football team.

[A]

It drives me nuts.

[C]

With a billion dollars, it drives me nuts. Baseball, diamond, it drives me nuts.

[A]

And the worst part is, like, I

[C]

used to play Soccer.

[A]

He's setting up for a field goal. Oh, his playing foot slipped on the, on the infield, on the diamond. He hit a rosin bag.

[E]

It's.

[A]

It's crazy. Like, he hit the rubber. He hit the rake that was left out by the, by the Browns guy. Like, it's weird. It's like he's playing. His playing foot just slid because it's on dirt.

[C]

And I, I'm from the Bay Area and I really. I have friends who are Raiders fans, and I feel for all the hardcore fans who like, really want the team to stay. But it's like, then you look at, like they're playing on a baseball dime, like, maybe they should go to Vegas also be in Las Vegas.

[A]

I always. And it's this, this is the other part that drives me nuts, is I go, look, what part of a baseball field is the dirt part of the diamond. And I don't know. Max Apata. You can look it up. It varies from field to field. But, like, when I look at, When I think about the dirt part of the. Of a baseball field, I think of it as 30% of the baseball field. Maybe it's 25. I don't know. It's not above 50.

[C]

If you count the outfield, it's way less.

[A]

Yeah, I am counting outfield. I'm counting the whole thing. It's way less. Why is it 90% of where the game is played in a football game? Like, how does it. The football field is 300ft long and 50 yards wide. Why is it. Why is every snap and every crucial kick take place in the dirt right

[C]

there in the middle?

[A]

It drives me nuts.

[C]

Middle of field.

[A]

Well, how can you look if you're

[C]

logo would be banned?

[A]

If you're Mexico, you gotta go. Come on, assholes. You play your first seven games on this shit. What do we. What do you. What are you complaining to us about now? I guess there's an element of like, planting your foot and having the sod slide out and.

[D]

Okay, fine, but with, with so many regulations in Major League Baseball and basketball and football, this doesn't bother anybody.

[A]

It bothers the shit out of me

[D]

and Brian, but that's what I'm saying. Like, but the people who are in charge, who are obsessed with regulations, that's not a problem.

[C]

Oh, no.

[A]

I've been yelling for years that, first things first, if your team has been mathematically eliminated, baseball wise, then we're covering it with grass. And have fun playing on the grass. And if you don't like it, try winning a Few more games next year, idiots. See, let this be an incentive. Let this be your scarlet sod letter hanging around your neck.

[C]

We can look this up. And I hate to crap on your point, but I think the A's were in it this year. I'll see the end.

[A]

No, they were. I did, I did. I did look this up and they were. And if you're in contention, well, then, okay, so be it. So be it. But there's still other teams and other times in history where this has gone on, where the team was 27 games out of first place and they're still playing on the dirt, or the football team still playing on the dirt for the first, I don't know, four or five games or whatever it is September,

[D]

why is it okay for football players to play in the pouring rain and baseball players go sit on the bench and have a cocoa while they cover the field?

[A]

I think the notion is it doesn't affect the game. In baseball, the game can't be played. I guess the ball gets wet.

[D]

The ball.

[C]

If the ball gets wet, you're going to kill somebody.

[A]

Yeah, but they.

[C]

It's going to slip and you'll.

[D]

Okay, all right.

[A]

Or something. It's just. I don't know. And also, it's kind of a pussy sport versus a dude sport. I mean, it's, it's origins, but. So anyway, I was thinking about the Rams. I was thinking about this and then I. Somebody said, I think the Rams are in. Shit. They're in. They're not in Denver, but they're in some high altitude training place.

[C]

Oh, yeah, yeah, they, they, they.

[A]

And so they're Springs or something. Yeah, they're not. They're in Colorado Springs. They're not at home. They're not at home. And then I thought, oh, what are they doing? And I thought, oh, they're doing altitude training for Mexico City, which is probably higher than even Denver. I think it's very high in the altitude department. And then I realized, oh, yeah, I guess you have to acclimate or practice or whatever. And then I started thinking about my list of things that affect people. Like, some people get car sick, some people get air sick, some people get seasick. And then there's the part where, like, I could remember when we went to Aspen for the comedy festival and they were like, oh, be careful, be careful. Like, you'll drink one beer, it'll be like drinking a pony cake. Like, you'll be this, you'll be that, you'll drink a Miller Light, you'll get lightheaded you know, whatever. And then I went to Aspen. I fucking drank a ton. And I had no. There had no different. I think Jimmy threw up in the elevator when we were in Aspen. And then I also realized, well, Jimmy gets seasick and he gets airsick. And then I realized that some people just have this sort of internal gyroscope that is easily sort of knocked. It's easily jostled or knocked off its perch. And I don't have one of those gyroscopes. And then I started thinking, but it's not a specific thing. It's not like, well, I get sick at altitude, but Jimmy gets airsick. It's all kind of part and parcel of the same gyroscope. Some people, it's like your stomach. Some people are like, I can't have spicy food. Other people eat all the spicy food they want. And it's not because they're smarter. In my case, it's better. But it's not always that. It's just a kind of a wiring. And I wonder. For me, I think it's across the board for everything. I think it has to do with allergic reactions or I think it has to do with altitude. I think it has to do with seasick or car sick or anything. Any of the normal stuff that people feel like when they go, oh, man. Like, oh, those fires, man, when the winds blew, kicked in and those fires, I was knocked on my ass. My bronchials were closing up. I was like, I don't know. I don't notice the difference. There was a fire, anything.

[C]

This might surprise you about me, but I'm almost the exact same way when it comes to the. Like, for example, never gotten seasick, never gotten car sick. Went to a bachelor party recently, two years ago in Whistler, Canada, where they had the Olympics. I was like, this will be great. I'm gonna pay for two beers. It's gonna feel like 10. Nothing. I went through. How long did I go through chemo for a year. Never threw up once.

[E]

What?

[D]

Wow. And I don't think it counts that I get car sick because the one and only time in my life I got car sick, it was because August was driving too fast and fucking crazy during. Through Napa. And I held onto Brian's arm. I was like, I gotta throw. I gotta get out of here.

[C]

Happiest amount.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

It's kind of interesting now. Then you wonder, like, well, how much of this is physical? Mexico City is 2,000ft higher than Denver. So it's way up there. So you do so There's a couple things. You go, well, how much of this is physiological versus mental?

[C]

And you go, no, I'm a coward, so it must be physiological.

[A]

How do you measure the physiological part of it, though? What do you mean? You're different. How do we. Something with your inner ear, your brain, like, what's going on and why altitude? And then motion. How do you correlate the altitude and the seasickness? And then you wonder, and then, I'd like to get some funding for a study which is like, look, listen up, grant writers. Hey, listen, all the guys are currently hammering checks that want to know the effects of a couple of glasses of red wine a day. Fuck you. Give me that money. You guys have been studying this for 40 years.

[D]

We either figured it out or we

[A]

did, going back and forth for 40 years. Fine, give me that money. We get it. Two's fine. But you. You drink the whole barrel of wine. It's not. Yeah, yeah, we got it. Is that a problem? We got it. Please, anyone who gives me the. Hey, if you want to have a little dessert every once in a while, that's fine, but if you eat two pies in your sleep, that's not. You will put weight on. Like. Yes, I. Yeah, no shit, Sherlock. Yeah, where's my. I want to fucking do a show called Let me Get my Steno Pad, Asshole. Like, of course, of course, of course. And it's always like, hey, you want a glass of wine with your meal?

[F]

That's.

[A]

That's fine. What? The meal's breakfast.

[D]

Sure, sure.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

If you break open the cask with an axe, like, it's going to be a problem.

[A]

That's going to be a problem.

[F]

The.

[A]

So who the fuck was I?

[C]

Okay, I'll set you back.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

I just remembered once. This is maybe eight years ago, I forgot about this. I went to the doctor. Ear, nose, and throat guy. I had earwax buildup, and I couldn't hear out of one ear.

[D]

Gotta get the gun to shoot it out.

[C]

He had to get the. He sucked it out and it was gross. And then. Okay, thanks for doing that. As soon as I got home, as soon as I got out of the car, wave of nausea. The most intense nausea I've ever felt as an adult because my inner ear had been fucked with. You know what I mean? Like, it's a thing. And it passed within about eight seconds, but it was, like, for a second, like, oh, my God. I'm like, I'm the sick I'm ever gonna be. Oh, thank God that happens.

[D]

And that's why they say adults don't like those kind of rides at amusement parks. Because your inner ear lining thins out. The water in your ear thins out. K have apparently a thick inner ear lighting. Love the, you know, the loop de loop stuff, but we can't take it as we get older.

[A]

Interesting. Let me say this then, and let's see if we can figure this one out amongst our crew, but also amongst you listening. And you can tweet me when you figure this out. I'm going to pose this and I'm also going to look for other corollaries, I guess you'd call them. First, I want to thank quicken [e-mail] Adam and simplysafe.com embedonline Ag enter the code podcast1 and Castrol Edge Titanium. Strong for maximum engine performance. Corollary things being a good passenger versus being a nervous passenger. Being startled. Like if a car backfires down the street and you just. That's a wiring. I know there's people I work with that are jumpy. Rob at the other shop is jumpy. Olga is jumpy. Olga, if you're listening, in terms of accusing me of sneaking up on you, it's my fucking house. I can't sneak up on anyone. It's my house. Like you're stealing your own money. No, I'm not, because it's mine. So when I startle you when you're at the kitchen standing at the sink, it's my house.

[C]

I was meant to be here.

[A]

I was meant to be here. I'm grandfathered into this fucking house. So stop accusing me of walking so quiet. By the way, I love being accused of being graceful. But she's like, but I will. I'll come walking up on her. I'll get 20ft and I'll go like, woohoo. Or whatever. Because if I get too close, she'll go, ay. And then she'll like, start, why you do that to me? And I'm like, I'm going to the fucking kitchen. What do you want me to do?

[D]

Yoo hoo.

[A]

Go full dick van dyke one man ban on your ass. Like, I'm walking to my kitchen and you are in my kitchen. You happen to be. Your back is turned to me. What am I supposed to do about that? Certainly sweet. That's right. So I get accused of that. So I will make little noises. Rob, the other chef, he gets it too. Like he'll just be sitting somewhere coming through a door and I'll come to and I'll give him a little heads up. But are the people that are bad passengers or who get startled easily or. I'm trying to think of some other sort of just sort of built in kind of tendencies. Are these the people that have trouble, who get seasick, who have trouble at altitude, who spicy food doesn't agree with them or whatever? Is there any correlation between just sort of that wiring?

[C]

You should check with Rob, because I am absolutely. Not that I'm on the one end with the stomach and on the nausea and everything, the extreme end, but I. Especially in movies, I'm the easiest to jump scare if there's a bang or a loud noise or a. You know what I mean? Like, like a scary sting, you know what I mean? With a.

[A]

Right away I jump, I. I feel it internally. But do you physically.

[C]

Physically, yeah, I'm okay.

[D]

Yeah. And I think, I think I'm sort of the prime example of this because the spicy foods and the coffee and all that I can't have does not work for my GI tract. And I am super jumpy. I think like I'm a pretty good passenger. I mean you guys have been in plenty of cars with me. I'm pretty quiet, keep to myself. But in general I think I have a higher sensitivity to stuff. So I think that sort of blankets everything. I've become a good flyer, I've become a good passenger because I had to be because we traveled so much. So I just learned drives well, except if Mike's driving. But I do think in general I do. I rev a little higher in the sensitivity. You know, like we took. We went trick or treating with one of the little kids on Halloween. And there's a little seventh grader sitting there with a bowl of candy with a scary face on and his face is down. And the little one we were with was too scared to go up to him. So I was like, I'll get it for him. I reach into the bowl, the kid screams in my face and I jump three feet in the air and scream back at him. And it's fun, you know, but that's the thing. Like I'm okay with it. I think, you know, it was fun and funny and whatever, but I'm very sensitive to that kind of stuff.

[A]

Well, you missed, by the way, the all time car ride was with Dr. Drew and his wife and Mike August. And that was going from God where to like God. We were like in New Hampshire or something and we're going to like the Hamptons or something. I have no idea where we were

[D]

Was your wife a romantic double date

[A]

with the four of you? It was a crazy thing, but it was east coast doctor Drew's wife, Susan Pinsky.

[D]

I've flown with Susan.

[A]

She fucking yells slow down to everybody. Drives me nuts. Like, I got into an Uber with her and Drew once, or a cab or something. We're like, going to the airport, and the guy got about 8ft away from where we got in the car. And she's like, slow down. I'm like, would you shut up? We'll never get to the fucking airport now. And I was like, yelling, don't slow down. Speed up. I want to get to where I'm going. People, you gotta take a vote before you just yell at the driver to slow down.

[C]

That's you, Christy's mom, when she's in the passenger seat and the dad's driving, every time the brakes hit, she'll grab the dash. That's a bad passenger.

[D]

Something that I've begging my mom in this stage in her life, she's got to stop doing. If she drives with me, I don't know where it's starting, but anytime there's even a hint of, like, a I should brake first, you know, or I should. There's someone behind me. I get. I get this.

[C]

Yep.

[D]

You can't do that to me while I'm driving. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

[B]

Why?

[A]

My dad doesn't talk, but I see him working the brake pedal that. The imaginary brake pedal, the driver's ed brake pedal on the passenger side. And I'm always like, that's tip of the cap. It means I'm moving along at a brisk pace.

[C]

That's right. Got a clip.

[A]

Also, I haven't brought this up in a million years, but my dad is one of those guys who. And he doesn't. He's probably not going to drive anymore, but he didn't. The people that don't understand these following words, follow me. You look back, and they're 300 yards back. And then you're like, oh, fuck, they missed the signal. And now you're just pulled over on Ventura and there's someone honking at you. And you're like, I'm going to pull into the 711 parking lot until the signal changes. Like, would you please follow the person?

[C]

Will that be a vestige of the past now with, like, the follow me thing is gone.

[A]

There's follow me person. There's literalists follow me, which is, we're gonna get on the five and we're going to Magic Mountain and We're in Glendale and I moved over one lane and you cut off a school bus trying to. Trying to bump, draft me. We're nowhere near the exit. Like, I meant, like, you keep me in sight. And then there's the ones that let way too many cars slide in between you on the surface street. I just feel like. But there's a balance of follow me. That should be taught in driver's ed. But again, unnecessary thing of the past with ways. All right, let me tell you about Simplisafe. Funny, I was at Kimmel's last night, and he spent 20 minutes talking about earwax and having it removed.

[C]

How gross. And how odd.

[A]

How odd. Simplisafe. Big fan of Simplisafe Home security. It's prepared for everything. If a storm takes out your power, if the phone line gets cut, keypad gets destroyed, Simplisafe is ready. They'll get you the help you need. Maybe you don't need to be ready for the worst case scenario, but that's what makes Simplisafe great. It's always ready. It's like lunch meat, man. It is always ready. $14.99 a month. No contracts, no hidden fees. We all have it here. We all use it here. And I recommend Simplisafe to everyone I know. Peel and stick batteries last up to 10 years, up and running in under an hour. Just order your custom security system online, shows up at your door a couple days later, and you're ready to go. Go to simplisafe.com Adam2I's in there. Simplisafe.com Adam RJ Bell's on.

[D]

We do have to hear about the party at some point.

[A]

The party Ear wax, specifically.

[D]

Yeah, specifically the earwax.

[A]

Well, it's funny. I was telling Jimmy, I said, remember a million years ago, like right after and shortly after we met, Jimmy was in love with that candling.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Put the candle in your ear.

[D]

Oh, yeah. The cone.

[A]

The cone, yeah. The coning or the candling coning or whatever. You put the cone through a paper plate and you'd put the thing through and then you'd light it and you'd lay on your side and hear all this crackling. It's like that's drawing the ear. That's drawing the earwax. It liquefies the earwax and pulls it up and burns it. It's like the most satisfying sounding thing on the planet until you realize, I think at some point we just set the thing in a glass and lit it and like Made the same sound and did the same thing. And it never did. But There was like 10 minutes in 1996 and a half when this was like the hottest thing around. But you're gonna get sucked at by

[C]

a doctor or a whore.

[A]

Yes. And anyway, but less than 24 hours ago, Jimmy's explaining how much he loves pulling shit out of his ear.

[C]

Oh, boy.

[A]

And that he likes to keep it, you know, collect and trade and stuff like that.

[D]

Where was the party? Who were the celebrities? I feel like you're really holding out on us.

[A]

It was. It was low key. Was all the usual suspects. And it wasn't celebrity laden.

[D]

It wasn't Seth MacFarlane's sweater making station.

[A]

No, no, but let's see. Jason Bateman showed up at some point, and Jennifer Aniston showed up at some point as well.

[D]

Did you talk to her about being in Dumplin, the new Dolly Parton movie?

[A]

Oh, no, but she's always so sweet. And we talked for a little bit. We happen to be on a weird subject about earwax. Yeah, we did. Me and a smaller group did about 40 minutes on who's been probed anally. And everyone seemed to have a story. And then I was explaining a story involving Mike August and all above the board. You know what I mean?

[C]

Sure.

[A]

And then the gal I was with said, oh, well, he for sure came. Right. And I said, I don't know. He left that part out of the story because it was kind of a medical procedure. And she was like, he definitely came.

[D]

Never pictured Jennifer Aniston to say that.

[A]

Well, she didn't. Someone else did. And then I said, well, I'm gonna check into it. But I spent a lot of time with Mike. I feel like he's pretty open book. We talked about he had to have, like, an alignment or procedure that involved a digit drop down there. And so his friend. And my friend was saying, he definitely came. I don't know. I think he would have told me, like, just sort of digitally. Like, he got milk.

[C]

Like milk. A prostate?

[A]

Yeah, like something. And anyway, then when I was leaving, Jennifer Aniston was hanging around with the same group. And my friend said, you talk to Mike, you get the answer. And I'm like, I will. I think you're wrong. She's like, I bet you're wrong. And then Jennifer went, what are you guys talking about?

[C]

I was like, well, it's a bit of a long story.

[A]

It's a long story, but it's kind of interesting. So if you're up for it. So that Was an interesting conversation.

[D]

Good.

[A]

All right. Find me the Bob Sapp story, Max. Apparently.

[C]

Yeah, I'm looking at him.

[A]

It was also not famously in, I think, the longest yard with Adam Sandler as well.

[C]

That's right.

[A]

Done some, like, giant man acting where they need giant people, but that's the only requirement. Bob Sapp could hang out here in Cleveland or Detroit and make 60 grand a year bouncing. Or he could go to Japan and rule everything.

[C]

Easy choice.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

So I think everything I say sounds like a joke to everyone. I'm not kidding. Baseball does not have this element. Basketball has this element and so does football. So, yeah, he.

[C]

He. Let's see, he's been in a bunch of. He's a huge star there. Commercials, TV shows, arcade games, action figures, sex toys, and even has a music

[A]

album that will blow past sex toys.

[C]

I have a question about one of those.

[D]

Yes, the arcade figures.

[C]

Action figures.

[A]

I combined my action figure with the sex toy.

[C]

He's also. He's fought a bear in Japan on tv. Like, of course.

[A]

How much fucking money has that guy made?

[C]

It's amazing.

[A]

I want to hear some of his music, by the way. Still better than.

[C]

No, don't put that up.

[A]

Still better than DJ Khaled.

[C]

Oh, no, that's racist.

[A]

Oh, he's holding a banana and looking. Yeah.

[C]

Japanese snack, very minstrelly.

[A]

Yeah. Well, also, they're kind of down with that, too, I think.

[C]

Oh, the casual racism.

[D]

Do they find it charming or do they find it racist? Well, I mean, what's the vibe?

[A]

Well, first off, when's the last time you saw Speed Racer? Everyone's eyes are the size of saucers. Like their version of. Here's what white people look like.

[D]

Massive round eyes, 80% eyes on the face.

[A]

Black people have bananas because they live in the jungle like they are. That's. That's kind of who they are. To be fair to them and to us, we have our own version of that, you know, and every John Hughes movie. When. Long Duck Long Duck Gong. You know, like, na na na na na na na na na. You know, like, all that stuff. We've all. That's what everyone does. Everyone does. Look, we don't look at it because they're white, but German. Oh, beer steins and lederhosen, you know, it's all the same.

[C]

Yeah. St. Patrick's Day, Cinco de Mayo. Like, we should be so high and mighty.

[A]

We're going to hear Bob Sapp rap or sing.

[C]

It's called Bob SAP Time kind of rapping. I don't know what this is

[A]

now. Pink lady behind him, backup dancer, 2, 3.

[C]

I kind of like this.

[A]

They're all Asian.

[C]

I don't mind this.

[A]

Listen. Anybody black, over £300, who's listening to me right now, who's working their dead end job at the Costco or couch surfing in between gigs, you get a one way ticket to Asia right now and take over.

[C]

I don't mind this.

[A]

I don't mind it either. It's got a little living in Tokyo.

[C]

It's got a little uptown flunk to it.

[A]

Yeah, I am beach one is how I stand Everybody knows that I'm a big man don't know defeat cause I'm the best one yet no opponents to fight it's my only friend Seattle is my hometown But Japan superstar is also found don't worry because you will see I traded places with him Now Japan has me. All right,

[D]

that's more than enough.

[A]

I'm enjoying it. All right, well, there you go. Now, as big as he is, he couldn't come back here. He couldn't crack the starting lineup out of NFL team or be a heavyweight champ in mma. You could probably do some for sure, some pro wrestling and stuff, but just go to Japan and take over.

[C]

Yeah, be a damn hero.

[D]

You can put on a Steve Harvey suit and sing a song.

[A]

So it's coming.

[C]

SAP time.

[A]

SAP time. It's coming, man. And you're right. Basketball, football, that's going to be big. All right. She could not stop beating the sugar and the grains. Then our friend Betty helped her lose the weight she gained. Now she's cooking healthy meals at night. And ever since then, her clothes aren't as tight. It's time for eat your feelings. Do some healthy eating with Gina's recipes. All right.

[D]

I am very excited about this one. This one is one of my favorite things to make. When I'm feeling fancy and I'm cooking for other people, this is always a hit. So this is one of the best dishes that I like. This is chicken and shallots and it smells mapley. Mapley, you say sweet smell. And I want to thank. First of all and foremost, I want to thank Butcherbox because I use their boneless chicken thighs and oh my God, it took it to another level. So this is an easy. Nevermind. It's not easy. Nothing's easy. It was very complicated. The one thing that does make it easy, it's a one pot dish. So all you do is you melt the butter in an iron skillet because that skillet's going in the oven. Let it foam up really nice. You're going to put about 12 shallots in, cut them in half, let them caramelize. Nice and sweet.

[A]

Is somewhere between onion and a red onion or a long onion or a green onion.

[D]

It's less pungent than an onion. It has a little bit. It's a little more mellow. And so you brown that up really nice. You put a little bit of Dijon mustard in it. A little fresh thyme if you have it, maybe some tarragon. Do you like it? Oh, good. And then you simmer with white wine. Now, I asked Vinnie in advance, does this screw up the NSNG thing when you simmer something in white wine? He said, no. So I'm very happy about that. Then you take the raw chicken, season it, a little salt and pepper, and you put the raw chicken right in the skillet. You pop the whole thing in the oven for an hour, and it's done.

[A]

All done.

[D]

I really love making this. I made a little cauliflower mash with it just so there was some sort of little garnish. These are not potatoes. It kind of looks more like grits. But I just boiled some rice, cauliflower, folded in some cream cheese, a little parmesan, salt and pepper, and made a little cauliflower mash side dish. The chicken is courtesy of Alexandra Cooks, and I love this recipe.

[A]

Well, I gotta tell you, I'm starting to sound like a broken record here, but. And poor Olga, because she's gonna make this for me. But there is no reason to go back to anything in terms of carbs or, you know, there's no reason to veer off this highway. It's satisfied.

[C]

No one's gonna be like, oh, I'm missing blank. Like, this is everything. It's savory. Was obviously chicken. So it's juicy. It's really well done.

[D]

Well, and thank you. The recipe says, you know, don't forget all that bread to sop up the sauce. And I was like, well, I want to sop up the sauce. So that's why I made the cauliflower mash. Just so.

[A]

Yeah, let's talk about that. Because my. The difficulty in this spectrum of dieting, to me, it's not how do we make steak taste good, right? Or how do we make bacon yummy. Done and done. All the ways you do the chicken, all the ways you do the protein, it's great. But I could go to Kukaroo and get some chicken breast or some thighs, and I would be satisfied.

[D]

I miss kookaroo.

[A]

I Would. And I feel like I could go to an outback and get a steak and be. It's the carb substitute that's the tall order in this game because again, I love chicken. I love the protein anyway. You had me anyway. But when it comes to cauliflower versus spaghetti, now there's a chasm there. And so I want to drill down on what is the carb substitute on this mix. The chicken is excellent. The shouts are excellent. Everything's excellent. But to me, it's always excellent. The carb, the cauliflower. Let's focus on that for a second.

[D]

Sure. I'm with you 100%. It's like, I don't want green beans with this. I just don't. I wanted something kind of mellow and maybe a little heavy and something that felt like a carb. And there are such good mashed cauliflower recipes out there that are substitutes for mashed potatoes. I personally like this one. It'll be posted under post eat your [e-mail] and it really is just boiled riced cauliflower and you fold in cream cheese and it's nice and it's fluffy and it's kind of dense too, and it really feels satisfying, like you're eating a carb with your chicken.

[A]

Yeah, the texture. The texture is really out of this world on it. So it's really. It's just like you go to Trader Joe's and you get the pre.

[D]

I do. I don't do it myself. Everybody sells bagged riced cauliflower. Riced broccoli. Now, you can do whatever you want, but.

[A]

All right, walk me through it. You boil it.

[D]

You boil it just so it tenderizes a little, because otherwise just hard cauliflower. Then you gotta use my favorite kitchen ingredient. I'm telling you, if you don't, you're gonna ruin this.

[A]

If you say love, I'll fire your fucking ass right now.

[D]

Patience. No, no, no Tenderness. Cheesecloth, you have to get and do it in small batches. So you're gonna just spoon a little bit of the now cooked cauliflower onto a piece of cheesecloth. Take each end so it looks like kind of a bell and ring it out because cauliflower holds a lot of water and you want it as dry as possible. So you're gonna do that a few times until you got it all. Then you're just gonna take some cream cheese, fold it in. If it's not melting quick enough, put it on the stove on low and just let it melt. And Let everything get really gooey. And the good thing about cauliflower as opposed to mashed potatoes, mashed potatoes get gummy really quickly when you kind of lift your fork and it's just kind of like bloop, bloop. And cauliflower doesn't get gummy, doesn't have a starch. So you can mash it as much as you want, you can stir it as much as you want, make it the consistency you want. And it's easy. I add Parmesan. Grated Parmesan. It's still mellow, but it gives it a little nice flavor and a little bit of garlic salt. But honestly, if you just wanted to do salt and butter, just treat it like potatoes.

[A]

Nice job. And I think the cheesecloth that I feel like that's the, that's the equation that need to.

[D]

All right, I'm glad you like it. Thank you, Butcherbox.

[A]

If you're listening, I'll send her the recipe, please. I love that song. All right, let me tell you about Castrol Edge. Heat, friction, viscosity breakdown. Rob your engine of maximum performance. Friction results in loss of performance up to 10%. Castrol Edge, engineered with fluid titanium technology physically transforms it gets stronger under pressure, helps fight friction and deliver maximum levels of performance from your car. Three times. Three times, fool. Stronger against viscosity breakdown than leading oil's Cash fletch. Unlock the true performance in car's engine. Ben Bailey, he's the comedian and host of Cash Cab is coming in here. I love that show. Everyone loves that show. He's got stand updates coming up. We're going to play Cash Cab with Ben Bailey and we, I think we'll just, we're lifting questions right off the actual show, right?

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

So we'll format it, we'll do it and we'll do that right after this. And now Alcoa presents Definitely not a Jew on the Adam Carolla show. Dateline, St. Petersburg, Florida. A 31 year old ex convict was arrested after a domestic violence incident in which he bit off a chunk of his boyfriend's ear. The man works as a seafood wholesaler. Definitely not a Jew. Ben Bailey in studio Cash Cab. His show is this, right? Six time Emmy award winning host.

[F]

Yeah.

[G]

Well, three for host and the show. We won for the show three times. So six total.

[A]

That's good.

[G]

It seems like a pretty good number. Yeah.

[A]

I don't want to winning. Yeah. I don't want to yell at death.

[C]

That was me.

[A]

All right, Chris. But God, it's like 61 6. All right. 3.

[D]

He's a host.

[C]

Yeah, the show's 1 6.

[A]

All right, I gotcha. Unbelievable. Well, everyone loves the show. It's one of these shows, sort of ubiquitous. Right. It's just everyone has seen it, everyone knows about it. I have no idea what the ratings are. It's just there's a kind of a zeitgeist thing where everyone just knows the show.

[G]

Yeah, it sort of crept in that way. We had no advertising, really, ever. It was kind of a fluke that it even got made. And so people just learned about the show by just catching it on the air. And then, like, enough people saw it and talked about it, and then it's kind of almost like a word of mouth. You gotta see this thing. It's a game show cab, you know? And then people just kind of knew. It was like one day to the next. Everybody was noticing me when I went out.

[A]

I feel like it's the exact opposite of Ray dying. I was sitting around a bunch of TV guys last couple Sundays ago, and someone went, does anyone watch Ray Donovan? And everyone went, no. And I wanted everybody here about Ray Donovan. Like, all them. Yes. Who's watching Ray Donovan? Not me. I've never. Anyone seen an episode. No, but it's like, it's the show that I've never seen an episode of, but it's there. And I don't see Cash Cab commercials. I just see it. It's just there.

[G]

Yeah, they never. They literally never did any advertising for it at all. Oh, well, I watched Ray Donovan until two seasons ago.

[A]

Oh, well, the year the guy kind of lost me.

[G]

Yeah, I'm the guy keeping it on the air. It's actually pretty good, man. Jon Voight is. Plays his dad.

[C]

I couldn't tell you.

[G]

John Voight, he's so good, man. He's so good.

[A]

It's like, I hear it's great, but I don't know if we could make a list of shows where your TV set wanted you to watch it more. Like, I've never been bombarded more with Ray Donovan. Maybe, I don't know, Geico Insurance or something. But I just mean, like, what is.

[F]

What did.

[A]

We wanted more and participated in less? And it's Ray Donovan. Like, now I'm taking a stand. Like, my TV's going, come on. And I'm going, no. And then I'm like, I'm in the shower. Get out of here. Tv. He's like, come on, watch a little Ray Donovan. You should see Voight. His work is amazing. I'm like. I said, I Didn't feel like you. But Cash Cab, total, the exact opposite.

[G]

Ray Donovan. We were like, you don't want to watch this?

[A]

And we were like, oh, yeah, Well, I hate my stepdad, so maybe I

[G]

will be watching you just to spite you not pushing me.

[A]

Also, Ben is doing standup dates coming up in St. Louis and LA Jolla at the Comedy Store out there. And then St. Louis, gonna be at the Funny Bone, and you can get [e-mail] and shoot him a tweet. Eelben Bailey as well. So is that show for you what they call in the business light lifting? Like, some shows are harder to do than others, some are easier to do than others. It seems like.

[G]

Definitely not light lifting.

[A]

Not light lifting.

[G]

It's easy for me now because we've done it so much. But no, it's really hard, man. It's a shitload of work.

[D]

You have to host a game show and try.

[G]

It's several jobs at once. I'd much rather host a show where I could just be inside in a studio or something. Do you feel, you know, it'd be a lot easier at this point?

[A]

Do you think it's helped? I formerly used to just drive a car or talk on a phone. Now most of the phone talking I do is driving. I wonder if we will evolve to be better driver talkers because I would sit in my truck silently my whole first half of my life and never sit alone with my thoughts. Now, second I jumped my car, I jump on the phone. Yeah. But I haven't hosted a game show.

[G]

I got pulled over. I was on the phone and a cop pulled me over because I was talking on the phone.

[A]

I was still holding it up.

[F]

Yeah.

[G]

Like a dummy. And he pulled me over and he looks in, he goes, oh, he sees me. He goes, I'm sure you can handle it.

[A]

Yeah. I was gonna say, you're normally doing

[G]

a lot more things while you're driving than just talking.

[A]

I feel like you should get a. Like a pass. Like, I mean, the sort of the opposite of what we've talked about in a movie that's not really a documentary, but I think of one is Con Air. Nick Cage got extra time because his hands were weapons. He was trained. You know what I mean? Like, the judge factored it in.

[G]

So he was. They gave him extra time on his sentence for that.

[A]

Yes, because he should have known that his hands were basically weapons.

[G]

So didn't learn from that.

[F]

He.

[G]

He tried to me to cut you off. Doesn't he? Like jab A doesn't he murder Chappelle in that? Yeah.

[A]

And then throw him out, lands on the car. It's a great trope thing. It's that part where actually there's, like, three of those. And I'm like, anytime the asshole cop would go, that 1963 Corvette is cherry, and it's my baby, and I love it more than my kids, so don't even look at it. You know, that car at some point's gonna get thrown into a volcano.

[G]

Yeah.

[A]

And it just burst into flames. And Dave Chappelle, when he got thrown out of the airplane, the guy was, like, sitting in traffic like a bird, like, crapped on the hood. And he was like, oh, whenever you come home from the car wash, and then a giant black man lands on the car. But there was a note pinned to him, because cage is good, but that's right.

[G]

He had a note pen to him.

[A]

I'm saying you should be able to say to the traffic judge, you know,

[G]

hey, hey, I'm the cat.

[A]

I'm allowed to drive with one hand and hold a phone in my ear because I have a special set of skills.

[G]

Yeah, man, I totally agree with you.

[A]

All right, so if you get into trouble, talk to me. Yeah, I'll see. I'll see if it works.

[D]

Well, I know that you've driven professionally before, but have there ever been fender benders or pullover during a game show?

[G]

There's been pullovers, but I never hit anybody, and nobody ever hit me. So far. Two other people crashed it that were just, like, taking it back to the garage.

[A]

I imagine at the beginning, they went like, people get in the cab and go, oh, I don't want to do this. But once the show got rolling, it was. They understood, right?

[F]

Yeah.

[G]

Almost everyone in the beginning was like, no.

[E]

Just.

[G]

They'd be like. And they're, you know, they're New Yorkers. They're like, just drive.

[A]

Right?

[G]

I'm like, no, I can't. We got a whole crew. I can't. You know, they didn't believe me. They just thought I was some nut job who had all that stuff in his cab.

[C]

A light up cab.

[A]

Did you need, like, a medallion? Like, how the legalities work?

[G]

Yeah, we had to. I mean, we leased the cab. The guy had the medallion. The guy was so lucky. He just got the medallion. He saved up, you know, because they worked a lot less now because of Uber, but they were, like, at their peak. I think they're around a million bucks.

[A]

Really? Yeah.

[G]

To get a medallion to operate a cab in New York. And so this guy had saved up and mortgaged. Finally he was able to, like, you know, people buy them the way they buy homes, right? Mortgage a medallion. Then you can get a cab out there on the road. The day after he did it, we leased his cab and medallion from him for, like. And then we just kept it going for, like, five years straight, you know.

[F]

Wow.

[A]

So he's getting all the medallion cash without all the riff raff.

[G]

Yeah, we just got all. You know, we paid him.

[A]

Right.

[G]

Instead of him going out to drive for it, we just paid him to use it, so. Well, we're gonna play the biggest winner ever in the Cash Cow. Actually, that guy.

[A]

We're gonna play the game. Oh, yeah.

[G]

Some questions.

[A]

We'll play as if the three of us just jumped in the back of your hack. And this half of the show brought to you lifelock.com. enter Adam and MedMen medmen.com. let them know I sent you. All right, so we ready to play the game.

[C]

So where are we? We're in New York.

[D]

Hey, can you take us to American Airlines Theater? We got to go catch hello Dolly.

[G]

We're running late, you guys. So where's that? Glendale? No, no, we're in Glendale, and you're headed to the Burbank Equestrian Center.

[D]

Oh, yeah, that's what I meant. That's what I meant. Sorry.

[G]

That's a lot.

[A]

They're doing a special engagement.

[G]

Yeah, they're performing hello Dolly at the equestrian center.

[D]

With the horses?

[A]

Well, they're doing a show. It's called We Lower Shatner onto a Horse, and they use a cherry picker or gantry crane, and Shatner dresses up like a turn of the century cowboy, and they lower him onto a Clydesdale.

[C]

It's held over.

[G]

And that's the. That's the whole.

[A]

Obviously, there's pyrotechnics involved as well, but we usually hit in a parking lot by then to avoid the crowd.

[C]

Anyway, we're wasting time. Can we just go?

[A]

Yeah.

[F]

Okay.

[G]

You guys are headed to the equestrian center for the lowering of William Shatner. It's 1.9 miles away. It should take about 53 minutes.

[D]

Sounds about right.

[G]

All right, these first Questions are worth 50 bucks each, and you wrote them, so Here goes. Since 1976, what? Popular antacid. You could probably get it already. No.

[D]

Oh, God.

[A]

Popular antacid.

[C]

This is our final answer.

[G]

Has sponsored baseball's relief Pitcher of the Year award.

[C]

Rolaids.

[A]

Is it Rolaids?

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Okay, we're gonna say Rolaids.

[G]

That's how you spell relief? And that is correct. $50.

[A]

Now, these are actual questions, right, Max? Bounce.

[G]

That one was never a Cash Cab question. I don't think. But I think some of these maybe were.

[A]

How do we get them? Then I told Max mad just watch a show and pull them off.

[C]

Those are good. So many.

[A]

Look.

[C]

They are. They are.

[A]

They are. They are.

[C]

There was another episode.

[G]

No, no other one.

[A]

I think it's when Doug Stanhope hosted after that for a couple of years and Rogan came on and stand up Years. Stanhope. I love that idea.

[G]

I want to get him in there. All right, here's your next Doug Stanhope Cash Cab era question. Native to the grasslands of North America, what boisterous burrowing rodent was once known as the barking squirrel?

[D]

Groundhog.

[E]

Prairie dog.

[D]

Groundhog.

[A]

Say prairie dog.

[C]

Prairie dog. Barking.

[D]

Yeah, we're going to go with prairie dog. Ben.

[G]

Prairie dog is right. And good for another $50. That might have actually been one.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

All right, 100 bucks.

[G]

You guys are two for two. You have $100. Here's your final $50 question. Often created with Guinness and Bass, what two toned beer blend traditionally consists of a dark stout and a pale ale.

[C]

Brian, would you like to know the answer?

[A]

Yes.

[C]

It's a black and tan.

[A]

Black and tan. Yeah.

[D]

Yeah. Black and tan. Black and tan.

[A]

That is correct.

[F]

Paul. Brian.

[C]

That's my $50.

[G]

Well done. That's 50 bucks each.

[C]

Thank you very much.

[A]

Forgot about those checks.

[G]

Will not be honored. All right, these next Questions are worth 100 bucks each, and they're supposed to be a little bit harder. Let's see if they are. Arrival of Citigroup. What bank's name was inspired by a historic valley of the Danube River? Stumper.

[F]

Too hard.

[A]

This one is too hard.

[G]

No repeats.

[C]

How does it begin?

[A]

Arrival of Citigroup. Which doesn't really help us.

[D]

Another big bank.

[C]

A rival of C. A rival of arrival. Oh, yeah, Yeah. A rival of.

[A]

Right, yeah.

[D]

What about the Danube?

[G]

A rival of Citigroup. What bank's name was inspired by a historic valley of the Danube River?

[C]

Wells Fargo, Washington Mutual.

[A]

Hey, I can't think of what that is.

[G]

Five seconds.

[A]

Dawson, do you know this?

[D]

Can we ask a pedestrian?

[G]

You guys want to use a shout out?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[G]

All right, let's go for it. Let's pull this thing over anybody with a computer.

[C]

I mean. Oh, what passerby is gonna know?

[G]

I don't even see any people.

[D]

We're gonna roll down the window. Excuse me.

[E]

Hi.

[D]

I know you're walking to someone.

[C]

With Google?

[D]

Yeah. To Snooki's cookies.

[A]

Where's the Danube run through?

[C]

I couldn't even tell. I'm gonna guess Arizona, but I sound like an idiot right now.

[A]

No, it's European.

[C]

Oh, I'm thinking of something else, then. Snake river, probably.

[A]

Danube's like, Eastern Europe, isn't it?

[C]

I was gonna say Barclays, but no, we know nothing.

[D]

We want to ask a pedestrian.

[A]

They know nothing.

[G]

They don't know.

[A]

We're gonna know where the Daniel Brunson

[G]

guy that wrote deportations.

[A]

Right, and he doesn't know Eastern Europe. No, we don't know. Find out where the Daniel Bronx is.

[G]

Somebody Google this.

[A]

Austrian, German.

[G]

You guys want to know the answer?

[A]

Oh, let's see.

[G]

Oh, it's bank of America. Just kidding. It's Wachovia.

[E]

Ah.

[C]

Of course.

[G]

Which I always thought was like, watch over you. We'll watch over your money for you.

[A]

Are they defunct? They're still going?

[G]

I don't know. I think they're still going.

[D]

Something Wachovia. Aren't they blended with somebody else?

[A]

Maybe it is. All right, that's a tough one.

[G]

That was a tough question. Yeah, that was probably a 200. All right, here's your next 100. You guys have one strike. Two more of those, and I'll kick you out. And I guess I'll finish up the show by myself. From the Greek word for wind. What type of drill. Pulverized pavement with the use of compressed air.

[D]

Come on, Adam.

[G]

Well, I think it's still. I mean, it's still happening, right? Pulverizes.

[A]

Well, jackhammer, but that's not from the Greek. It'd be a pneumatic.

[C]

The word for wind.

[A]

It'd be a hydro. Pneumatic. It'd be a pneumatic. That is correct.

[G]

Pneumatic drill is correct.

[A]

Yes.

[D]

Way to keep us in the little,

[G]

you know, a thing or two about drills, eh?

[A]

I know that jackhammer is probably not of Greek origins, but pneumatic, like. Like pneumatic like pneumonia. They're connected to this nice word.

[G]

Origin comes from Latin or something. Pneumatic, Greek.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[G]

It's right in the question.

[A]

But what was the question? Give to me again, because I was thinking about a jackhammer versus a roto hammer or something.

[G]

From the Greek word for wind. What type of drill pulverizes pavement with the use of compressed air?

[A]

The thing that's weird about it is it says drill, but it's not really a drill.

[G]

What type of drill?

[A]

Yeah, it's a pulver.

[C]

It's an impact.

[A]

Yeah, it's an impact. But anyway, that drill. We got it.

[G]

Oh, it looks like it's time for

[A]

a red light show.

[G]

Name six US States that have five or fewer letters in their name. Go.

[C]

Maine, Ohio.

[G]

You got two.

[C]

Maine.

[G]

We got three. Maine, Idaho, Ohio, Texas.

[C]

15 seconds.

[A]

Come on.

[C]

Montana, Kansas, Kentucky, Tennessee,

[F]

Illinois.

[A]

The new part of Mexico. Come on, Cali. Jesus. We got four out of five.

[G]

What did you guys say? Oregon, Maine. Utah, Ohio. Texas. Right.

[A]

You need two more.

[D]

No, no, I think we got four.

[G]

You guys have four. You need two more.

[A]

Oh, two more.

[D]

Damn it.

[C]

Oh. Hawaii.

[E]

No.

[D]

Dakota.

[C]

Montana.

[G]

They're very. There's two left.

[C]

Alabama.

[G]

Oh, no.

[C]

Actually, Arkansas.

[G]

I'm seeing that there. You guys have the same one twice.

[D]

Okay, so five.

[G]

So there's really only one more.

[D]

You are. You really got your work upward. Let's think of, like, New England states.

[A]

We ran out of time.

[G]

Yeah, I guess officially time ran out.

[C]

Which one did we not get?

[G]

Idaho. It's the first and last one on the list, so it took me a

[A]

while to realize we should have got it twice. I'm like, there's two more. Also, I feel like it has too many syllables to be that short.

[D]

Idaho.

[G]

And they're both.

[A]

Oh, Iowa. Okay. Right. See? Maine is so there with the syllables.

[G]

You nailed Maine immediately. You guys got it for, like, right off the bat. And then. And then you went to Montana and Tennessee. The longest.

[C]

I just sort of rattle off names.

[D]

Mississippi.

[A]

18 letters. I'm sticking by my new Rhode Island.

[G]

Cali was pretty good, too. New. The new part of Mexico.

[A]

Well, there's obviously a newer section.

[G]

You guys could probably get this first one after the first three words also called sea cows.

[A]

Manatees.

[F]

Yep.

[G]

Manatees is correct.

[D]

Sweet. Still in it.

[G]

You want to hear the rest of it? Anyway, what marine creatures did ancient sailors mistake for mermaids? For mermaids in need of a makeover.

[A]

I know ladies were bigger. I know they liked them a little more zoptic back then and Rubenesque, but was it that bad? It was the beard.

[G]

It's just the whiskers that put them off.

[A]

Rations of rumors.

[G]

These mermaids are hideous.

[D]

I mean, I know they were obsessed with squid, but I don't think they were attracted to him.

[C]

This is a long car ride.

[D]

Yeah, well, a lot of traffic.

[G]

1.9 miles, LA traffic.

[A]

All right, so we still. What do we have? One more loss.

[G]

You guys got that one. You still have just one strike, but you didn't get the red light challenge, so you have.

[C]

That doesn't count against us.

[G]

You have $250. Yeah. It doesn't cost you anything.

[A]

All right.

[G]

The red light chisses.

[D]

It's an attractive underwater creature.

[G]

Yeah. What is.

[A]

Fine one.

[G]

Dolphins, maybe. Dolphins are kind of sexy, right?

[A]

But they're tops.

[C]

Yeah. The jerks.

[A]

I'm looking for a bottom. I'm looking for, like, aquatic. Yeah. Well, not necessarily that close to the bottom, but I'm looking for something that's attractive, that. That won't rape me. Dolphins are a little rapey.

[G]

I feel like most marine life would rape you.

[D]

Most dolphins absolutely will. I think stingrays are sort of graceful and ethereal.

[C]

Yeah, they glide.

[G]

They're flat, Easily mounted.

[A]

Let's go into the last one here. Possibly the last one.

[G]

Yeah. No, this is the last 100. And then there's. And then. No, not right now. No.

[A]

Genus.

[G]

I mean, we kind of were like a mountable sea creature.

[A]

We did manatee. Oh, that was the creature.

[D]

I was like, two sea creature questions in a row.

[A]

No, no.

[G]

And then we kind of created our own.

[D]

I see.

[G]

If you had to mount it.

[D]

I like sea creatures.

[A]

Which you basically did. Is equivalent of the MMA fighter gets knocked out with the wheelhouse kick. And then when you get up, you start punching the referee because you still think. You still think you're fighting. Why are we skipping this question? We stop playing. We're in the corner celebrating.

[G]

You guys already won. I'm like, name marine life that you

[A]

guys really don't want to know.

[G]

All right, here we go. Next $100 question. Your final $100 question. Popular with the Navajo and Hunter S. Thompson, what spineless cactus is famous for its use as a ceremonial psychedelic.

[C]

No. What's the. It's a peyote.

[A]

Mesco. Oh, peyote.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

It must be peyote. Peyote. Peyote.

[G]

Peyote, man.

[D]

Peyote.

[A]

That's right, man.

[G]

You guys are all over that. You guys know your

[E]

bells.

[D]

So we can upgrade our seats at the Shatner viewing.

[G]

Get a better view of Shatner being lowered. All right, here we go. These are 200 now. 200 bucks. That really adds to the.

[F]

I know.

[G]

It's already pretty electric.

[A]

Are they twice as difficult?

[G]

I hope not.

[A]

Okay.

[G]

Because that first one of the hundreds was pretty tough. Founded by a rabbi in Cincinnati. What company is famous for its matzo and Concord grape wine?

[A]

Oh, Manischewitzewitz.

[E]

Right?

[D]

It's gotta be.

[A]

That is correct.

[E]

Yes.

[G]

Man. O. Manischewitz.

[D]

Oh, it would have been so good

[G]

for 200 bucks and a bottle of Manich.

[D]

I don't Recommend.

[G]

It used to make ice cream and cosmetics. Carrageenan is made from what? Soggy vegetation.

[C]

Oh, is it seaweed?

[A]

Yeah, I think I'd have to. Or kelp. I don't know. Well, it's kelp or seaweed.

[G]

Isn't kelp seaweed?

[A]

Kelp is seaweed.

[D]

I'd say it's the same.

[C]

They wouldn't.

[A]

Yeah, same thing. All right, so we're going kelp or seaweed?

[C]

Sure. Kelp weed.

[F]

Kelp weed.

[G]

I'm sorry, that's seaweed. Seaweed's right in. Kelp is seaweed, right?

[A]

I guess.

[G]

Just giant seaweed.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, great.

[G]

I mean, if there's a difference, who cares?

[A]

Well, kelp is where what it is when it's attached to something, and then when it breaks loose and ends up on the beach. It becomes seaweed.

[G]

Yeah, I think it becomes seaweed.

[A]

You step on seaweed, but there's a kelp bed.

[G]

Kelp is like when it's still alive and growing.

[A]

It's like when it's attached, trapped in it.

[G]

You'd be like, what is this stuff called? They're drowning. Is it seaweed or is it kelp? I have to know. With a deceptively Asian sounding name. What? Pottsville, Pennsylvania Brewery is the oldest in

[C]

the U.S. you guys want to know this?

[A]

Oh, wait.

[G]

Fucking Brian knows it. He's like, do you want me to answer it? Every time he knows it, I want to give them some.

[A]

He knows it. Go ahead, Yingling. Oh, I didn't know that one.

[C]

I'm almost positive.

[D]

You better be right.

[G]

It is deceptively Asian sounding, isn't it?

[A]

Yeah, Yingling is correct.

[E]

All right.

[A]

I feel in the Jew department, Shapiro is a popular Jewish name. Feels very Asian to me. Like, it's not like a Goldblatt or Greenberg or anything. Like Shapiro sounds very unjewy.

[C]

Like Sapporo.

[D]

Yeah, exactly.

[A]

It's very close to Sapporo. Right. Thank you. Sorry. It makes me half. That's how I contribute. I bring up other semi irrelevant things and then sort of weave myself.

[C]

Do they get the same amount of money into it?

[G]

I don't know. You guys are gonna have to figure that out. I ask a question and you immediately look to them and go, do you guys want to know what it is?

[D]

I don't know. That's pretty fast.

[F]

Yeah.

[A]

You were all over that. Yeah, that we would have got you.

[G]

You didn't give pneumatics to play.

[A]

Maybe not so much.

[G]

You were all over the pneumatics.

[A]

That's Right.

[G]

I don't know if I would have gotten that one.

[A]

Yeah.

[G]

It looks like it's time for the video bonus.

[A]

Well, you know why I'm all over pneumatics is because I'm Joe, not exotic six pack Joe. Yeah, that's right. I never even heard of that beer. Is it around here?

[C]

Pennsylvania, right?

[A]

Yeah. Is it out here?

[C]

No, it's rare out here.

[G]

It's big on the East Coast. It's everywhere on the East Coast.

[C]

Pittsburgh.

[G]

I don't want to shit on them, but I really don't like it. I don't want to shit on them, but I will.

[A]

Well, you drive a cab for a living, so if you loved it, it would probably be bad, right? All right, video question.

[G]

Do you guys have a video clue that you can play for us?

[E]

We do.

[A]

Okay, awesome.

[G]

Take a look at the screen and good luck.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

So in this we'll put it up, but if you want to do it, you have to bet all of your winnings, which right now is 1,050.

[D]

Oh, no.

[G]

Wow. Well, glad somebody was keeping track.

[A]

Letting it ride is always risky, but letting it ride in hypothetical world where you don't actually have the money is much easier. So I say we let it ride.

[C]

Makes me nervous, but okay.

[A]

I think it would be great if

[G]

you guys just played it safe. No, no, man. We shouldn't risk it. All right, let's cue that video. Take a look at the screen, guys, and good luck. Oh, there it is. You're looking at a traditional clay cooking chamber used in India to make familiar favorites such as chicken tikka and naan, borrowed from Hindi. What is the name of this centuries old oven?

[A]

Oh,

[D]

Tandoori.

[A]

Well, Tandoori's a chicken for sure, but that's the oven.

[D]

That's my best.

[C]

It's the closest I could get.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, let's go with it. Yeah, let's go with it. Tandoori is correct.

[G]

You guys just won no money at all.

[D]

We're going to Shatner.

[A]

But it would be 2,100 bucks.

[G]

Yeah, it would have been 2,100.

[D]

Good haul, everybody.

[G]

Even without Iowa.

[A]

Nice job, all you guys.

[G]

Poor Iowa.

[A]

That was fun.

[G]

It's so funny that you guys chose that question. Like, three weeks ago, I was in a restaurant in, I think, Columbus, and this waiter just keeps staring at me. And I'm like, is this guy, like, into me or has he recognized me? He finally comes over and he plays that video on his phone and asks me that question.

[A]

The Tandoori oven.

[G]

He waited until I Was done with dinner, which I thought was nice, and then he came over and hit me with a fucking video bonus question.

[A]

Live in the restaurant. Did you get it? No, I did not get it. I was a little thrown off. Off by like, this guy's giving me a video bonus after my dinner. You know, in terms of approachable celebrities, like, you know, Baldwin gives you a knuckle sandwich, right? And is that true?

[G]

He'll just punch you right in the mouth.

[A]

No, it's a sandwich. Fries.

[D]

Made in the moose dress.

[A]

No, it's made in a tandoori oven. No, they. I mean, you got to think twice before you go bother Baldwin at dinner. Right? But you pick up people and then bother them. That's true. So it's like you're celebrity was made from bothering pedestrians, essentially. So why can't pedestrians come bother you? Turnabout is fair play, I'm saying. You're absolutely right. Very approachable. But I'm offering prize.

[G]

Like, he didn't offer me shit.

[A]

Oh, that's true. Actually, no, that's not true. He did.

[G]

He did offer me the free dinner.

[D]

Oh, that was very nice.

[A]

Oh, there you. Well, there you go. Yeah.

[G]

Yeah. So he was in the right. I was in the wrong. Whenever anybody wants to ask me a question, you're absolutely right. I need to just accept it and do my best.

[A]

All right?

[G]

Or tell them to just drive on. Just take me where I'm going, asshole.

[A]

Let's get the news queued up. I'll tell you first about.

[D]

You know what this just made me think of.

[G]

I love that fast read stuff. It's great.

[D]

To that point, I hope that you, Ben Bailey, continue to do Cash Cab for the rest of eternity, and I hope.

[G]

Why would you wish that on me?

[D]

Because we love it. And we love you. That being said, if you decide to move on to other things and want to dabble in, you know, swordsmithing or whatever you're into, I could see. I could see Dawson taking over as a Cash Cab cab driving game show host.

[G]

They're gonna push for the Bearduck fella, then. Just read the.

[A]

Yeah, I could see him there.

[D]

I think that would be good.

[A]

I'd love to be a game show host.

[F]

That'd be the greatest job in the world.

[D]

But you have to drive.

[A]

I could do that.

[G]

Okay, yeah, yeah. That's the thing. You have to drive the car. But yeah, you can have it, man. I'm just gonna give it to you.

[A]

Thanks, buddy.

[G]

People probably wouldn't even notice as long as there's somebody in There.

[A]

So first question, Dawson, I already got for you. Name me a sea creature you'd like to fuck, and then we're off and running.

[E]

Stingray.

[D]

It's a stingray.

[G]

That's all of them again. All sea creatures.

[D]

Why are we skipping this question?

[G]

I think sperm whale. Sperm whale is definitely the winning answer.

[A]

All right, here we go. Some news with grad. News with Geno.

[E]

Grad.

[A]

Breaking viral. All those crazy Trump tweets. Give me news with Gina.

[E]

Grad.

[A]

Trouble in the Middle East. Celebrity drunk meltdowns. Big news with Gina. Gina.

[F]

The news with Gina.

[A]

Grat. Hold on. I got a beef with Aquaman. My beef with Aquaman finally is being said. Well, it's always been talked about, about, you know, him basically communicating with sea life and then getting the sea life to do his bidding. Isn't it. It's kind of a superpower, but you're farming out your superpower. You know what I mean?

[G]

It's like we're making the work.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. You're not building the Nikes in Northern California. That's where the headquarters is. But they're doing all the work over there in China or the sweatshop or whatever it is. The Indian guy answering the phone for the computer. All right, fine. He communicates with. With narwhals and they fucking pull the ship off the shoals or whatever. Fine. But there's something else. He rode Aquaman rides a giant seahorse. Now, first off, I think he can swim faster than the horse goes. All roads lead to Shatner and aquatic life on the show. But his. His powers are communicating, not growing aquatic life. There are no giant seahorses. I mean, you talk to a giant whale or you talk to a swordfish, but you don't make giant seahorses.

[C]

You know, the Dr. Moreau of the underwater.

[A]

You could say to a regular sized seahorse, hey, get bigger. Would you, like, eat some creatine or something? But you couldn't grow a seahorse, and he rode a giant seahorse, which does exist. So now we're screwing with things a little bit. He's riding a giant seahorse, but there aren't any giant seahorses, just that one.

[C]

Did he use his power of communication and talk to all. The seahorse goes, listen, I know there's one giant.

[G]

One of you send your biggest.

[C]

Bring him where he is.

[A]

I've never seen a seahorse bigger than, like a pack of matches.

[C]

They're pretty small.

[G]

I forgot about that. That's.

[A]

So now we're taking two genres and we're crying. I was kind of screwing them up a little bit here. And are there any other creatures he could make large. I don't buy it. I don't buy Aquaman. That's all I'm saying.

[G]

Phytoplankton.

[A]

Go ahead.

[D]

By the way, have you ever seen the video? Because, you know, male seahorses have the babies. Have you ever seen the video of the. Of them giving birth to, like, a hundred? It is so disturbing. Yes. It just shoots out of them, and there's shutters of them.

[A]

Well, I didn't want to broach this with Eugene Gaffigan.

[G]

Had a bit about the seahorse. The male has the babies. He's just like, why don't they call that one the female?

[A]

That's kind of my take.

[G]

That's a pretty good point, Jim.

[A]

But I do want to say, like, this is how dudes do it. Like, if men got pregnant, we'd have it down to about three months of gestation. Yeah. Fucking over a year. Bullshit would go quick. Like, we'd be like, let's move it. It'd be like, a lot of weird peer pressure. Bert, how's it you're still pregnant?

[C]

I know that. It's been four months.

[F]

I don'.

[A]

What game we in? We're in game 11 of the year. You're fucking pregnant in the preseason. What? Let's go, dude. Let's move. There'd be so much pressure.

[D]

No, you have a point.

[A]

The whole gestation thing, by this time in history.

[C]

Molly's having a shower next week, and she really wanted to wait.

[A]

No, no, let's do this. Yeah. I feel like we'd be done.

[D]

All the women I know that have been pregnant for nine months, they're loving it every day. So you're on to something.

[A]

Well, they love the attention.

[D]

Yeah, maybe so.

[G]

That's right.

[C]

Touching them as a belly all the time.

[D]

Oh, they love that. So, a lot of stuff. The fires are still raging here in California, but now there's a new problem, and Pink's husband, Carrie Hart, is trying to get in on this and do some street justice. So he's attempting to take back his neighborhood after people have apparently started looting evacuated houses from all the California wildfires. This is becoming a big problem. The former pro motorcycle racer issued a warning Tuesday on Instagram cautioning looters to think twice before coming to Malibu. The caption was paired with an undated photo of masked gunmen behind a sign that says, looters will be shot on sight.

[A]

Well, if you round them up and put them In a mass grave. I think you're judged differently than being in your living room in terms of shooting looters.

[D]

Sure.

[A]

So I think one of those things that's sort of like, I could buy and sell you. Looters will be shot. You don't. We had me at Looters will be shot. Not in their own kind. Yeah. Not with their own stereo equipment.

[G]

Take them to a remote location.

[A]

No, you take them out to the Nevada desert, and the authorities, they frown upon that. So number one. Number two, I like where his head's at. It's also the part where after Hurricane Katrina, a lot of fake charities were set up to try to get money from people online. Like, are you the worst people? Like, yep, that's my. My thing where I go confront the parents and go, what happened? What happened? What happened? Like, when they do that? Or, I'm gonna go loot this place. Or like, what happened?

[D]

Yeah. Why do you see this as an opportunity?

[A]

Yes.

[G]

Neighbors will be shot at a location of our choosing.

[D]

Oh, that's better. That's more menacing.

[G]

Sorry. He's trying to rewrite that.

[D]

Well, apparently more than 300 law enforcement officers have been dispatched to guard evacuation zones in LA and Ventura County. But Kerry is apparently taking matters into his own hands. He's encouraging neighbors to do the same because. Because now that you're. Some people are being let back into their neighborhoods, some people aren't. People are dressing up like, you know, like security guards or whatever, and they're just taking shit out of people's houses that are evacuated.

[A]

Well, I'll tell you what I always do when I have to evacuate my neighborhood. I go down to Koreatown, I get a couple of liquor store owners, and I tell them, just get up on the roof with the long gun.

[D]

Yep.

[A]

There's. Nobody does better during the riots warding off looters than Koreans on roofs with guns.

[D]

That's right.

[A]

So I'll just take Nunchuck and I'll just put him up there.

[E]

And.

[A]

I mean, he gets paid and there's bottle of water and everything. I'm not a weirdo. But we have to clear out.

[C]

He's 12 on, 12 off.

[G]

Keep him hydrated.

[A]

That's right. And we just get him up there, and I'm not. Again, the sound of the bolt action is usually enough to scatter, but if not, the first one's always in the air. Yeah, I don't need it. I'm not looking for trouble. But if you're looking for trouble, you found it. But I'm not looking for it. So let that be known.

[E]

That's good.

[A]

Yeah. So they need Koreans. They need Koreans on the roof. And I found, from living in Los Angeles, those are the people. Those, when you're trying to stop, they're basically our people version of that plastic owl that's trying to get rid of the seagulls.

[C]

All you need just be.

[A]

I mean, a plastic. Oh, plastic to scarecrow Korean. Give me a plastic Korean. I'll have, like, a standing one and a sitting one. I'll have a fake gun in their hands, and I'll just ham up there. I'll put them in whatever garb, you know, like they'd wear at the liquor store, like an orange vest or an apron or something, and just have them sit up on the top of the roof on the ridge. You know what I mean?

[C]

A Daniel LaRusso headband, maybe.

[D]

Well, that's gilding the lid.

[A]

And I'll have to move them around because there's flat roofs, in which case I'll have them on one knee next to the parapet. And then there's the. The kind with the pitch on them. A gable type roof, which I'll ham up on the ridge. Rafter, sort of riding it like Shatner. No, I'll have him straddling it like a sixth horse, you know, but with the gun up in there, no one's going near that house.

[D]

It's very smart.

[A]

Thank you.

[D]

Yep. Well, we're definitely going to need Christy Bishop to weigh in on these.

[A]

Oh, I wonder. I wonder if it's a situation, though, like neighbors get with Halloween and Christmas ornaments on the house. Like, at some point where your neighbor, like, comes up and goes, hey, man, we were evacuated in March. Still got your Korean sniper on there. And I'm like, well, I was gonna take him down, but then we're coming into fire season. We're coming into, like, the next. We're closer to fire.

[G]

Put them up and take them down all over. I just leave them up there, and

[A]

they start getting pissed.

[D]

The HOA gets involved.

[A]

Yeah. And then you start threatening, like, maybe I'll get a real Korean over here and I'll settle your fucking hatch. All right, Larry. How about that? How about if he wasn't made of plastic? How about if he was flesh and blood and had a real hunting rifle? How would you like that, then?

[C]

Hey, Stan, it's little Susie's birthday next week. It's her third birthday. Kids over at Pony.

[F]

Yeah, I get it.

[A]

He's facing the yard. You want me to turn him around?

[C]

I mean, I was. If that's the very least you could do. Yeah. Ask you to take them down all together.

[A]

Well, I lent my. A frame ladder out, so.

[C]

Okay, we can borrow mine.

[A]

Well, I got. Oh, wait a minute. I didn't lend it to you.

[C]

I guess that technically is yours.

[A]

Oh, that's my ladder.

[C]

Give yours back to you.

[A]

I need it back for this. No, I just like, I want to hang it in the garage. But the. When the. I'm gonna have the gutters done. Okay. Next month.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

So when I have the guys do the gutters, I'll have them move the Korean.

[E]

How?

[C]

I have them do it this month. I'll split the cost with you. And while they're up there, fake Korean gunman.

[A]

Well, you know, I found the Korean guy is good for looters, but it's great for Jehovah's Witnesses or anyone who's putting flyers on your door.

[C]

I would imagine anyone who sees that is going to be terrible.

[A]

Right. So I kind of like to keep him, but if you want to go ahead, have me turn him around not to face your yard.

[C]

It feels like a fair compromise. If you can turn them around and face him towards Larry's house.

[A]

Yeah. For Christmas, I'm gonna put him on the chimney as kind of a goof. You know what I mean?

[C]

I mean, I gotta admit, that's pretty funny.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll put the sack on in one hand, the gun in the other. We'll put the hat on.

[E]

That's good.

[G]

Santa hat on here.

[A]

I think your daughter like that, right?

[C]

Presents this year.

[D]

That's real good. So we might need to get a commercial grade going for this ad. So the Daily Mail reports that a Ford dealership in California has been hit with a barrage of criticism over what's being called a tone deaf ad which tried to make light of the deadly wildfires ravaging the state. The ad, it was published by the company Simi Valley dealership, which is also on fire, by the way, right now. Simi Valley on November 11th. It reads, well, we didn't catch fire, but these deals are smoking hot. Take a look. It was slammed on Twitter as distasteful and disgusting. And the dealership published another follow up, saying, hello, friends. Our advertising team picked a heading for this week's campaign that appears to be insensitive to selling some. The dealership sits just north of the Woolsey fire, which is still blazing. Both are uncontained and continue to ravage the area. I heard them talking about this a little bit on the radio. I think it was John. John or Ken. One of them suggested this had to be an internal joke email that was just meant to go around as a goof and then somehow got out, because who would be that dumb?

[A]

Well, a lot of people in a world where you have a local Ford dealership and we're talking about it and John and Ken are talking about people in Cleveland are gonna bring it up in the morning radio show. Like, I don't know. It's. All the Kardashians have thrown me off. You know what I mean?

[D]

Like, all press is good press.

[C]

Well, as Christy pointed out last time, there is such thing as negative association. You know what I mean? You're talking about a. Yes, but are you talking about it exclusively negatively? If you think of. Oh, Simi Valley Ford. I hate them because they did this. That's not good.

[D]

Yeah, because it's a local dealership, and when Simi Valley's on fire, you'd go somewhere else to get your Ford, I would imagine.

[A]

Yeah, I agree. But maybe you need a truck to

[G]

get all your stuff out.

[A]

There's always a weird. I don't know, it's kind of a Kavanaugh thing or something like, well, don't attack these guys. They're making a joke, so I'm voting for these guys. There's always a group of people are gonna come in and go like it's a. Basically, it's a rawhide chew toy. And your dog's pulling one way and you're pulling the other, and you can go in a circle. They're just going the other way.

[E]

Right.

[A]

I don't know. That's. Yeah, it's stupid. Okay.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

But I can't figure out if they did it on purpose or not.

[D]

It just seems so insane. But, you know, but. But we've. I'm sure we've all seen local dealerships or local Something that have made some bad choices.

[A]

There was just. It's gonna be no help for you, Max Patter. But there was just one of these. And there's always one of these. They always. They always pop up and they're always. There was just one of these the other week in the news as well. It's bound with all the dodos running around. Yes.

[D]

Yeah. Well, Hillary Clinton plans to run for president again in 2020. That's according to an op ed by her longtime advisor, Mark Penn that was published Sunday in the Wall Street Journal. According to Penn, Clinton is gearing up for Hillary 4.0. That's for the next presidential election in the piece, Penn and one time New York City politician Andrew Stein wrote that Clinton plans to make herself as a liberal firebrand. The piece goes on to say that Clinton would not let a thing like two stunning defeats stand in the way of her claim to the White House.

[A]

She. I don't.

[G]

4.0. Huh?

[A]

4.0, I'm guessing. I don't know. There's kind of a weird thing that's going on with the Democrats now where I have this young, sort of super, kind of Bernie Sanders esque crowd of international superstars in the ladies department going up against the old school guard, guard. And then it used to be the hey girl power. And it's like young girl power, not old lady power. And they're gonna go get in Nancy Pelosi's grill and it's gonna be real interesting to see if they run someone who's just as far away from Trump as you can possibly get or someone who goes, oh, we want to talk about the economy and the middle class or whatever. But I think there's two. I've always talked about there's one group left to discriminate against, really. And it's old. You know, we've always talked about, well, hey, you could make Pollock jokes when I was a kid or retard jokes or black guy jokes or whatever you want, but now it's pretty much the one thing we kind of agree on is old. We can all agree old is bad. And thanks, Daphne and everybody, everybody, old is in trouble now, especially because, because the Democrats are like the young brand. So when you're like, someone is in their 60s in Menudo now, like, we're young change. Republicans are old guard, right? We're going, we're skewing young. So it's, it's funny. Brian probably remembers, but, but anyone who worked for like MTV or Kroc, you'd see like, you know, Kurt Loder's 57, he's walking around in board shorts and flip flops and going, hey, dude. It's like, hey, old man. Not me, not me. Like you work at KROC or whatever. Guys in their 40s, guys their 50s, fucking walking around in a Beezy Boys T shirt because you could not act your age otherwise. Because we're in kroc, we're like the station that people live in Orange county, they're 15. That's, that's our core, you know, so it'll be interesting. And so the problem with Hillary is she's going to be considered old.

[D]

And I think you're right.

[G]

I Think she was pushing that last time and.

[D]

Exactly. And now that we have Alexandria Ocasio Cortez, you know, a 28 year old socialist and that's kind of who everyone's looking for, you know, the lightning rod of the Democrats. You got Cory Booker, who kind of has that like cool guy Obama thing going on. I think Democrats brats are over Hillary, like you had your chance, you totally it up. We're starting over.

[A]

I, I think I, I think the old guard is gonna be running like serpentine down, down the halls of the Capitol there. And I hope whoever it is, the

[G]

whole party kind of gets behind instead of, you know, between Hillary and Bernie. Last time it just went too long. It was like, you guys have divided the party.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[G]

Why not? I don't know, conceding and endorsing the other.

[A]

I think they already saw in the news last night that Cortez like in her like band of folks took over Nancy Pelosi's like office with the green movement and everything. It's gonna be on. It'll be interesting.

[G]

Yeah.

[A]

And it'll be satisfying because I always love people who eventually get beaten by their own stick. Like they're beating the sort of women drum and the feminist drum. We all need to stick together.

[D]

Now you want us to get be.

[A]

They're gonna have a bunch of young chicks kick the shit out of them. And I will be laughing. It's like the time I brought my dog Phil over to Mark Garrigus house. And my dog Phil, 110 pound lab and he roughhouses and beats up everybody and all dogs and walks on them and sleeps on top of my head and stuff. And then Garrigus 70 pound dog Brady kicked the shit out of Phil. And guess who was laughing his ass off the whole time? This owner, Adam Garrigus. Right home, right here, this owner, I was laughing. Then they both fell in the pool or won the pool. It was crazy.

[D]

But that's what 2020 is gonna look like.

[A]

Brady beat the shit out of him.

[C]

You know what, Ben, to your point, I don't have stats to back this up, but my memory is, I don't think you want whether you're a Republican or Democrat, I don't think you want someone to have a easy uncontested route to the nomination like you want a contested primary. Think about Trump and George W. Bush and Obama and Bill Clinton and these guys all had a tough road to the nomination. Now think about Al Gore, think about Mitt Romney, think about John McCain. These guys had relatively Hillary Clinton, these people had relatively easy roads to the nomination. And they all lost.

[G]

And they lost.

[A]

Forged in fire.

[G]

I'm just saying, like, if she had named Bernie as her running mate, the whole party wouldn't have been split up. It would have been, I think when she, when all that, when that stuff happened between the two of them, the party kind of divided within itself because so many people were such huge supporters of Bernie Sanders that they were like, we're not, they're like, we're not gonna vote for Hillary now.

[D]

Yeah. And I wonder, when I first saw this story, my first thought was, will, is she capable of doing what's best for the party and possibly, you know, from her standpoint, what's best for the country and backing off and using her power to support some new young rising star? Or is she just like, God damn, this is happening some way somehow, come hell or high water? Exactly.

[G]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. I don't know. In a weird way, I wish. I think again, it's why we all love sports. There's no such thing as Joe Namath is suiting up. No, he's old, he's got a cup, he's got arthritis. He's not suiting up. It's a young dude. He's playing lights out at Kansas City and that's who's playing. And only the best will get out of there.

[C]

Firstly, if you're too old or you cost too much, you're out.

[A]

That's right. All right, let me tell you about Medmen.

[D]

Why are you looking at me, Brian?

[A]

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[F]

Check out Medmen today.

[A]

All right, here we go, Gina.

[D]

Well, you know how you feel about the red wine studies and the doctors and the obviousness and this and that.

[C]

They're good and or bad for you, right?

[D]

Yes, you can expect a drinking checkup when you visit the doctor. Coming up. According to cnn, the United States Preventative Service Task Force advises all adult, including pregnant women that they should be screened for unhealthy alcohol use by their primary care physicians. For those who patients who drink more than the recommended limits, doctors may briefly counsel them and help to reduce their drinking. So how many drinks is too many drinks? Well, the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism says no more than four drinks in a single day and 14 drinks in a week. That's the line for men age 21 to 64. For women and older men.

[A]

Wait a minute to. Let's get to 28 then.

[D]

No, no, because you can't do it every day.

[C]

Certain days you gotta take off, let the liver rest.

[A]

If anyone, Max, bet you gotta find one of these things. But like, back in the day, you'd open a magazine and be like, are you an alcoholic? Here's our 25 questions. Do you find yourself more relaxed in social situation? Yes, I do. Have you ever drank so much you've done something you regret just last night. Have you ever. Have you ever had. Had anyone tell you drank? Have you ever vomited? Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

[G]

Check, check, check.

[A]

There's one that involved you driving through a mall like the Blues Brothers that you didn't do. Like, no, I have never driven through an enclosed mall in a car during burger, right? And then they go. If you'd answered yes to more than three of these, three. 10 for 10 before I even missed one, like, yeah, it's too low. The threshold is too low.

[G]

There's a big difference if you have two a day or if you save them all up and have 14 on Saturday, right?

[D]

Oh, wow, that's a good question. Well, for women and older men, they say no more than three drinks in one day and no more than seven drinks in a week. And there is no safe level of alcohol for pregnant women.

[C]

That's true. That's not true, Ryan.

[A]

You can have a little red wine.

[G]

A little red wine.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[G]

A little conversation.

[A]

Like, there's no safe level when for all of humanity. So from the dawn of civilization, people are able to get pregnant, obviously. And then at some point, booze was introduced to our society from the point booze was introduced to our society. And we, of course, could get pregnant to the point in 1977 when we decided it was a no fly zone. However many years that took place, that's how many years people drank while they were pregnant. And everyone seems to be fine.

[D]

Well, and the iconic idea of, like, the 50s housewife with rollers and a martini and a cigarette, and she's eight months pregnant.

[A]

Right.

[G]

And she already took a couple of

[A]

pills just to tighten the edge off.

[C]

The irony is you can't smoke. There's no smoking when you're pregnant.

[D]

But you can't drink. That was my question.

[C]

You can drink.

[G]

Go back, like, 15 more years. And the doctor would sometimes just like, do you guys know about this doctor would decide that it was necessary. The woman. Part of what was wrong with her is she needed to have an orgasm.

[C]

Oh.

[G]

I got back in the 50s, and before, like, the doctor would, like, get the woman off.

[A]

Really?

[G]

Yeah. That was part of the.

[D]

It's not cheating, huh?

[G]

Yeah, no, this is what she needs. So I'm gonna take care of her while she's here for a doctor's visit.

[A]

That's great.

[D]

You feel like she'd be able to handle that.

[G]

It changes the whole dynamic in the doctor's office a little bit.

[D]

Wouldn't they do the same thing when they were exorcising demons from women who were possessed?

[A]

I guess I was having a crazy conversation about a doctor telling a woman to mast to like. Like to loosen up before a procedure. Last can do. Yeah, I know.

[G]

Before a procedure. Oh, that's interesting.

[A]

Yeah. Removed from her right brow.

[D]

It was a driver's test.

[E]

Just.

[G]

Here's climbing to this tree.

[A]

I don't know if you want to call an ear piercing a procedure, but it was.

[G]

Let me know if you need help.

[A]

That was a crazy story, by the way. That's what dovetailed into Mike August and the thumb and the ass.

[C]

So happy birthday, Jimmy.

[A]

Yeah, it was quite a crowd.

[D]

You want one more?

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

All right, well, let's switch gears a little bit here. If you have a kid and maybe that you're having a struggle getting them to get potty trained, you might want to go to Melissa Adam. I thought this was stupid until I read the article and saw a little video of her, and she seems to know a thing or two. So for kids who might be struggling with this, a classroom is giving them skills they need to step up to the toilet. This is according to NBC 2 News. Melissa Adam hosted her first potty party six years years ago. And ever since, she's been consulting with doctors and specialists to develop her technique for teaching toddlers how to use a Toilet. She's a mom of five. She understands the struggles and what the kids are going through. And she designed a four hour class that's fun and educational. Kids use dolls to practice shits and giggles. That's good. They use dolls to practice and they keep hydrating throughout the class to encourage them to try it on their own. Parents of children who took the class. See, it was after four hour class, these kids are diaper free. And I think we have a video. But the player was being a little crazy.

[C]

Shits and pedals is what she.

[D]

Oh, that's also real good. We started having potty parties with my friends and I watched the kids in that environment and I saw my kids come out of their comfort zone.

[A]

Bye, bye, pee pee.

[D]

And they were having fun doing it together, flying.

[A]

I hate everyone who works with kids. If you work with kids, it's basically like going, I have to essentially pretend I'm for eight hours a day. Like, Bye, Pee Pe. Bye, mister. Say hi to Mr. Poo Poo on your way down. Like it's essential. I feign retardation for eight hours a day. That's your job. You know, you. You do steel work and your erectings. You. Yeah, you have to feign someone who's confident. You know what I mean?

[G]

When you deal with kids, you have to pretend that you're mentally challenged.

[A]

Well, you do.

[G]

To relate to them.

[A]

Well, yeah, you go, hello, Mr. Peepee. Mrs. Poo Poo.

[E]

Okay.

[A]

Oh, we flush the toilet. Everyone say bye to Mrs. Doody. Bye, Mrs. Duty. If you were just walking around your house doing that, you would be institutionalized, right?

[G]

I think so, yeah.

[A]

So that's why you want to be like commercial airline pilot or something. Like so low. Look at Mr. Flaps and Mr. Ailey.

[D]

Mrs.

[G]

Let's put down Mr. Landing Care.

[A]

Yeah. You'd immediately be pulled out of the. You couldn't get on that squawk box. Oh, we got wind coming out of the north at speed. I don't know. Prepare for bad hair day. Yeah, we should all fly kites when we get to lax. Yeah, see, it wouldn't work. Yeah, I think it's people just looking for an excuse to be stupid to act like that.

[D]

There's another. There's another scene, quote unquote, in this where she's telling. There's talking about, you know, about having an accident. And she goes, what do we say about peeing in our pants? And all the kids do the same time. No, no, no.

[A]

Oh, let me see that. See?

[D]

Sorry. You gotta find it.

[A]

They're not challenging themselves. These people not do well in the, in the cash cap. That's what I'm saying.

[G]

Poo poo edition.

[D]

Oh yeah. But after four hours, these kids get it.

[A]

I get it. There's something.

[G]

It's pretty good.

[A]

There's something simple and there's a sort of genius in this simplicity of it. But I'm just gonna go ahead and put it in there with writing children's books and being in the Wiggles, like, because you can't entertain adults.

[G]

That's why you have to do kids and stuff.

[A]

If you could be in Pearl Jam, you'd be in Pearl Jam. But you're in the Wiggles because adults don't enjoy your work.

[C]

I don't want to generalize what I'm going to. Anyway. This is for like weird like homeschooled kids or like kids who are, who are isolated a little bit because we're just starting to potty train our two year old and she gets it right away. Possibly most likely because she's in a class at daycare with older kids and she's other kids doing.

[E]

You know what I mean?

[C]

It's like, oh, Henry does it or Thea does it or whoever.

[G]

You know, some kids just have a problem getting it. It takes them a while.

[D]

Yeah. And that could be part of it that. I know certain nursery schools or preschools, you have to be potty trainer. You can't go. They're not interesting.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

Oh, so this is. You'll enjoy this. What happens when we pee? Pee in our pants? Everybody go like this. No, no, no.

[A]

Yeah. It's like performing at a kid's party. Like, do you have to, you know, you don't go back to Dave Chappelle. You don't need to be Dave Chappelle. You know what I mean? That's a different group. It's a lot easier.

[C]

I made a little message.

[G]

Couple of those kids.

[A]

I said no, no, no.

[G]

A couple of those kids didn't sing along.

[D]

They did.

[G]

One kid was like, I'm not, I'm not signing up for this. Yeah, I'm gonna continue to piss in my pants.

[A]

I don't really remember.

[G]

Rebellious, rebellious two year old.

[A]

I just threw money at the kids problems, you know. So I wasn't like there for any of it.

[D]

Do you know how old they were when all this?

[A]

I have no idea. I remember Sunny being super slow on the draw and Natalia picking up things much faster. Much so. To the point where when at a certain point, Natalia. 12 year old twins. Now Ben had stopped Wetting the bed a long time ago. And Sonny kept soldiering on. And so we had. Instead of his, like, speed Racer pull ups or whatever blue dude version pull ups he had. We had nothing but her pink, like My Little Pony pull ups. And a certain point we're like, hey, Sonny, we're out of the blue stuff, but we got a case of the pink stuff because your sister knocked this activity off several months earlier. But you're gonna soldier on, so put on the pink stuff. And he's like, get that away from my dick. Like, which I hope he yells as an adult, literally. But he's like, I'm not putting on these pink chick panties. I mean, when he was 4 or 3 or whatever it is, did it

[G]

make the difference for him? And then he was like, he was over.

[A]

We're done. We have them and she's done with them. She no longer needs them. So you need to pull them up. In a weird way, it was like an aversion therapy sort of thing. Like, he was like, I don't want these. And probably maybe did get him to quit. Although he's always been. If this MeToo movement thing goes on long enough, he's definitely gonna get tangled up in it at some point. Because when he. I remember very clearly when we were at the Feast of San Gennaro, and we'd like park the car and the underground parking structure, like, kind of against the wall. Like, every once in a while, you know, you go, like, rogue. It's not a parking space, but it's out of the way, but it's against a big concrete wall or whatever, whatever. And we're putting the kids back in the car. And it was like, oh, Sonny, get Natalia's pink My Little Pony, like, car seat. And then we'll put Natalia in the other. And he's like, I'm not. He was, like, fighting us. He didn't want to see My Little Pony seat, the car seat. At 3, he was already, like, toxic and masculine.

[D]

Yeah, he ruins everything. Toxic masculinity.

[A]

That's right.

[D]

For four year olds.

[G]

You sound a little bit proud of that. Like, just. Just a hint of my son's a man.

[A]

There's an element, you know? No, I think there's an element of that. I probably come from that, like, sort of old school. I like. I. What I really like about it is just being right, because that's what it comes down to. This part where all these fucking bloviators grab a microphone and go, you know, little boys would happily play with little dollies and little girls would play with Lincoln Logs and guns, but we f. Our own identities and whatever. Not fucking true. Not true at all. Nobody foisted anything on him. He's always surrounded by women. Nobody said anything to him. It's encoded into his DNA. Fuck sticks who try to foist lies on us all the time. Somehow it's progressive, like, hey, I'm just gonna lie about shit. I know nothing about it. And then we have to sit around and go, wow, you're really progressive because you don't know shit. You're lying to me. That's awesome. Any other things you're. You want to impart that are fucking total bullshit that we can all nod our heads at and go, you're so evolved not knowing shit and lying. Why is that? And by the way, I know how we are. We're this way because we're this way. You think someone got hold of the male species and the female species a million years, a billion years ago? And you like sticks and you like ponies and you like dresses? No, we're just how we are. That's how it is.

[G]

Evolution.

[A]

I don't know why somebody decided it was all lie and we grafted this shit on everyone, you fucking idiots, by the way.

[G]

It's this idealism. It's like, this is what we want to be.

[A]

I hate it. I hate my. I hate everyone who does this. All you guys do is move on to your next thing you're wrong about with no repercussions. No one ever. You should have a fucking poncho with a scarlet W on it. And we go. And then you start talking about, oh, now, because this started in 1972. You're warning us about the this, and now it's 2018. You want to coach us up on vaccinations and we could look at your big rainbow tape W and go, shut the fuck up. We don't have to listen to you anymore. Remember, you're the one who's wrong all time, but you got a new batch of fresh ears to go. Oh, really? Oh, my God. I'm gonna. Let me write this down.

[G]

That's really interesting.

[A]

Fuck you and shut up. You're always wrong. You've been wrong my entire life and you don't know fucking shit. So shut up or kill yourself. I don't care. Just get. Just fucking shut up. Stay home and shut up.

[D]

I saw a T shirt online that I might get for you for Christmas. It says vaccines cause adults. Wow, that was pretty good.

[A]

I like that.

[C]

Yeah, it's A thinker.

[A]

Yeah, thinker. It's just, I don't. When you pick random. Look, I get it. Everyone's angry at their dad. And this is how it manifests itself. Like this is. It turns into mad at society, mad at culture, mad at everything. I. But this notion of little boys, little girls, and then they're forced into these gender whatever types, it's total bullshit. It doesn't exist. It doesn't exist in nature. It doesn't exist in the animal kingdom. It doesn't exist in our kingdom. It exists nowhere. So please shut up and move on to your next fucking thing.

[G]

My son, I never pushed him one way or into anything, you know, but he loves truck. He loves trucks. My daughter doesn't care about trucks at all. You know, I'm agreeing with you. It's like they like what they like. Maybe there are some little boys that like dolls.

[A]

Well, I did the same thing with my son.

[G]

I mean, not all of them. And largely we like what we like.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And you push him down that road like you did, obviously beat him with a Tonka truck.

[A]

Let's be honest, my son picked up a Barbie once, and I beat him with a Bible. But other than that, that one incident,

[C]

that couldn't have sent him down that

[A]

early on, he's fine.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. Where were we? Ah. Did we bring it home?

[D]

Let's bring it home. I'm Gina Grad, and that's the news. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Gina.

[A]

Gina.

[F]

That was the news with Gina Grad.

[A]

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[G]

Yes, sir. Thanks very much. And I'm real Ben Bailey on all social media.

[A]

On all social media, yes. Twitter and beyond. So till next time, Adam Kroll for RJ Bell and Ben Bailey and Gina Grant and Bob Ryan saying, oh, stick around for good sports mahalo.

[G]

I'm going to continue to piss in my pants.

[B]

All right, that's adam kulishow, 2454. Coming up next, we have adam carillish show 2454. Brian posay, willie robertson, gina grad. And brian bishop from 2018.

[A]

Good day, Gina Grad.

[D]

Good day to you.

[A]

Handball.

[D]

Brian, you can't listen to Brian.

[A]

I want to thank quicken [e-mail] and Dollar Shave Club dollarshave club.com bespoke post boxawesome.com enter Adam and MVMT watches.com Adam all right, I'll tell you about that in a second. First, much to complain about. I didn't tell you guys last week that I went to the hand surgeon and Dr. Drew. It's funny. Everyone always goes, who's your doctor? Is it Dr. Drew? And I go, well, he's my doctor, but he's sort of the traffic cop. He just goes, talk to this guy. Talk to that guy. Yeah, he goes and gets you hooked up with this guy or that guy. So I went in to have a valuation on my hands, which have been just sort of progressively getting worse as the years wear on. Too much trauma. I told you guys that, you know, boxing, not good, not good on the hands.

[C]

Do you have arthritis? Because you haven't thrown a punch in quite some time. Aside from the focus pads once in a while.

[D]

Scleroderma.

[A]

Well, the thing about.

[C]

We'll take care of that, Adam.

[A]

The thing about the hands is no, whatever damage you caused back in the day, you know, the chickens come home to roost. And the thing about throwing punches, if you throw punches against a bag or focus pads or whatever, it's still just an impact on your hands. It's not, not like from punching people bare knuckle style. So my hands are kind of screwed up over the years. And then also when you work construction, you end up using your hand and hands. You don't realize you kind of use your hands As a hammer a lot. You hit a lot of stuff. You knock stuff like trying to into place. You're always trying to push. Yeah. You're always kind of banging on stuff. Like you put a level on it and the door's a little out of it. You don't pull out a hammer and start whacking on the door jam. You end up hitting with your palm a lot. Just trying to fudge it. Whatever. Drew had this theory that when you see if you can see what's going on with my hands, I can't straighten out my pinkies. And then I'm getting this calcified buildup and stuff and blah, blah, blah. He said it was theorized. This is Dr. Drew. That Jesus had this problem because you see the pictures on me, he never has his pinky and his ring finger straightened out. They're always. So what happens is the palm of your hand. I won't go technical on you, because I can't.

[D]

But stigmata.

[A]

As things start to pull in. Yes. The palm of your hand starts to ball up. It starts to pull your pinky in and pull your ring finger in. It starts to pull in, and then you cannot straighten your fingers out. So I'm attempting to straighten them out.

[C]

You got Christ hands.

[A]

I got Christ hands. It's better in jazz hands.

[C]

I'll say spirit fingers.

[A]

So I.

[C]

Water and a wine, son.

[A]

I went to the hand doctor, and so I sat down and they put your hands on the table, and they start measuring a lot of stuff. And they kind of explained to you that what's going on on top of your knuckles is basically the same thing that's going on top in your palm. Same thing's going on. Thing. And also they go, yeah, we're not going to do anything yet, but we'll monitor the situation and see if it gets worse. And whatever you're like, it's getting worse. It is getting worse in my palm. I had surger on a million years ago. My palm is bad. It's just numb. It feels dead. And they ask you questions like, how do you wake up in the middle of the night? And I go, yeah, I do, but not a lot. It's not exquisite pain, but either way.

[D]

And it's finally starting to affect your masturbation habits.

[A]

Oh, my God, Yes. So what's going on?

[C]

Reducing it to multiple times.

[A]

Well, speaking of masturbation, what happened?

[C]

I knew there was a problem, Wayne.

[A]

The problem or the thing as it goes back to your junk. He was explaining to me that the skin on the palm of your hand was thicker and different, much like the skin on the sole of your feet. Thicker, different. It'd be cruel to have belly skin on your feet or on your hands. But it was funny. He said these. The skin on your, you know, skin on the palm of your hands is thicker and as well as on your feet. And the top of your penis, was

[C]

it applied or was that explicitly?

[A]

He said the top of your penis.

[D]

The top of your penis.

[A]

The top of your penis. And if you think about it, depending on, you know, what position you're in, they feel like the top can take a little more of a. Well, if you think about, like, a conventional sex, I'm only gonna point out

[C]

puppetry of the penis. You do the math there. They do terrible things to their skin and ball skin, too.

[A]

Yeah. I said the top of your penis. And I was sort of thinking about, yeah, the top. Yeah. If you're having intercourse, the top. I guess the cervix is up there, but there's nothing down below. Doesn't have the same as the top top. Either way. It was funny because I'm constantly hitting the spine. It was one of these things where I had to make some sort of noise that suggested I heard what he said, But I didn't want to delve into it. So I did like a. There you go. I did one of those things. And also, I appreciate he said. He's a doctor. I get it. We're not supposed to be uptight. But he is holding my hands at the time he's telling me about the top of my penis. Holding you down, having a moment here.

[D]

I'll prove it.

[A]

And I went and looked it up, or I told somebody to look it up. And it turns out that is. It is true. And it's also something he must have to weave into every conversation he has with a man or woman. Although he probably don't say your penis. He might say a penis, but unnecessary. But I kind of liked it. I thought it was interesting that there are parts of your body that are made to take a little more friction, a little more heat, a little more wear and tear. And it's not your. You know, it's not that part right under your underarm there. That's not made for that.

[C]

But there are other parts are your elbow skin. You have the feel of your pinches.

[A]

Right.

[D]

You think it's because more people, as we evolve, have get circumcised, that the top of your penis has to get a little more durable? Because you'd think that it would Be copied for most of evolution. So who cares?

[A]

Well, you're thinking the top of your head of your penis.

[D]

Okay. When you first said this, I thought top penis, bottom penis. And then I switched it in the middle thought. Oh, maybe you're talking about the head. No, so literally just the. Okay, I don't.

[C]

Gina, come.

[A]

Wait a minute. Gina, have you never.

[D]

No, I haven't.

[C]

She's saving herself, obviously.

[D]

No, no, no. That's what I'm saying. I thought you meant like if this was a pen penis.

[A]

I think that's what he meant.

[C]

That's what I said.

[D]

Okay, then I don't. Then I don't get why that side would take more friction than the other side. It all goes in the same place. Yes.

[A]

No, I. No. I mean, if you picture having sex and where. What you're doing. Where's your cervix? Doesn't it rub against something up there?

[D]

The cervix is way up.

[A]

Where's your pubic bone?

[D]

Top of. If I'm laying flat on my back, the cervix is not on top.

[A]

Well, where's your pubic bone?

[D]

Wouldn't you like to know?

[A]

Yeah. Would like prove it? No, I'm. Well, you can't. Everyone.

[E]

No one?

[A]

No.

[D]

I don't know.

[C]

Irregular troll.

[A]

Well, there's nothing really. There's nothing at the bottom.

[C]

There's more contact made along the top.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

Why is that? That shouldn't be confusing to you.

[D]

I mean, I'm just thinking it's all going in, so. And all that skin is the same. It's like your mouth skin, I think

[A]

Adam Ivernous prior to my.

[D]

A lot of wide set vaginas out there.

[C]

I didn't realize.

[A]

No, I think it's kind of trying to push. The friction is at the top versus the bottom of the penis.

[C]

Yes. Typically, most of the.

[A]

That's what I'm saying. That doesn't ring true to you?

[D]

I guess it does. I guess just being on the receiving end, it all just kind of.

[A]

The majority of things are when you're that drunk. No feeling from the waist down.

[D]

I'm gonna have to go home and do some field research.

[C]

Mm.

[A]

All right. Yeah, please, please do.

[C]

But I've. State your feelings.

[A]

I think it's. It made sense. Well, unfortunately, while the guy was holding my hands, I had to now picture

[D]

the top of your pants.

[A]

The top of my penis and having sex. But I think. I think that's the. I think that's where the friction is

[C]

the majority of the contact.

[A]

Yes. Thank you. All right.

[D]

So I didn't realize I was so narrow. Go ahead.

[A]

I went to the. Yeah, well, it's the top. Yeah. I don't know. Max. Pat. I don't know. What's it rubbing up against there? It's the position. I think if you got into a different position, like, you must go, like, reverse cowgirl a lot or something.

[D]

I don't have the thigh strength.

[A]

You go. I think it's the position. I think in a missionary position, I

[C]

think in most positions.

[A]

In most positions, I mean, on the

[C]

wheel of mine, it's the top.

[A]

Gods are many of you. God doesn't make Dick. Dick mistakes. That's all I know. All right. It was funny. I had to. I had to. At a certain point, he said, you know, this stuff is kind of hereditary. And I said. And then he said, did your dad or mom have this? And I said, no. But they've never actually worked ever.

[D]

Right.

[A]

There'd be no way to know. Like, my dad literally took Vaseline, put it into oven mittens and walked around his entire life with oven mittens soaked in. In Vaseline and his hands held up by his ears. His entire life. Like, like, like some. Some Indian woman trying to set a record for longest fingernails.

[D]

Sure.

[A]

Like literally zero. Never turned a wrench, never punched a guy, never swung a hammer, never dug a dip. So it's. I know some of this is hereditary, but in a vacuum of ever using your hands, like a doctor who had

[C]

just scrubbed in his entire life, just the whole stands up.

[D]

Did he happen to mention something called Dupendren's syndrome? It's hereditary. My family has it. Everybody has a hand thing.

[A]

Yes. I think that's what it is.

[D]

Are you kidding me?

[A]

Yeah. So Sonny can look forward to that. Let's see. We will talk to Brian Posayn, who'll be in here. I think we're gonna do some, like, sort of nerd walking. But it you guys try to guess whether I know Willie Robertson from Duck Dynasty is going to be calling in in a minute and I'll tell you about Dollar Shave Club. How'd you get ready today? Shower, brush your teeth, wash your face. I did two out of three of those items. Style your hair. Oop, sorry. Now I'm back at 500. Dollar Shave Club has everything you need to look and feel and smell your best intense peppermint flavors of Dollar Shave Club toothpaste. I do use this stuff, and it is great. Lasts surprisingly long. Because it's so intense, you don't need that much hydrating. Body cleansers smell awesome. Leave your skin silky smooth no matter what you do to get ready. Dollar Shave Club has everything you need. And I didn't even mention the razors. The best. And the shave butter. The best. I am telling you, man, once you get into that shave butter and you try to slide back to the old foam dad used to use, no can do, man. They got a starter set and you can tell them all about it, right, Dawson? Right now you can get a Dollar Shave Club starter set for just $5 each. They've got a shower set, a toothpaste and toothbrush set, or their famous shave butter and razor. Any one of those sets are just five bucks. And it's the best way to try out their amazing products. After your starter set products ship at regular price.

[F]

Get yours [e-mail] Adam.

[A]

That's Dollar Shave Club.

[E]

Dollar

[A]

Boy there. Yes. Sorry, sorry.

[C]

I was gonna tell a story about that.

[A]

Tell a story.

[C]

Hey, speaking of showers, you said during the. During the read, and I took a Corolla shower over the weekend.

[D]

So you didn't take one.

[C]

Oh, ice cold. Would you like to know why?

[A]

Gas leak. So I see. Gas leak. What happened?

[C]

Came home from celebrating. Came home from the USC UCLA game on Saturday, which is a whole other thing we can get into later. Watch. My team embarrass themselves on Saturday. Wanted to celebrate a friend's birthday Saturday night. Was a little bit drunk. And this will factor in later. Was a little bit drunk, came home and the babysitter says, oh, hey, I was gonna cook Tessa dinner, but the stove wasn't working. It was just click, click, click, click, clicking. The pilot was clicking, but it wasn't lighting. That's strange. We made eggs this morning. All right, well, let's. Christy and I are. This is now 10 o' clock at night and we're dismissing the babysitter. Tessa's asleep. We're a little bit late. Too Tipsy. A lot of it. Tipsy. Try to figure it out. We turn the water on. It's cold. Sorry. That's not a good sign. And then we try to light the fireplace. We have a gas fireplace. Nothing happens.

[A]

Usually it's just nothing.

[C]

So, like, gas is off. It's like, oh, well. So I texted neighbors, you know, sorry for the late night text. Is your gas working? It's like, yeah, it's working. It's like, all right, well, problems with us. And we have the earthquake thing outside.

[A]

The earthquake sensor automatic shut off.

[C]

Yeah, exactly. If it's jostled, it Shuts off, right? Cuts the gas to your house.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Now, this again will factor in. I was a little bit tipsy. I went outside with my flashlight on my phone and looked because it goes from green to red if it trips, right? I couldn't quite tell, but I could have sworn I saw some green. So now I don't know what's going on. So Christy calls the gas company. They're still up. And, like, we'll send someone out at 8 in the morning, bright and early. And so in the morning, the guy comes out and he's like, yeah, your thing has been tripped. He kind of does like a clean because it's outside, right? So it gets rained on and whatever on. He kind of cleans off. He shines his light, see, you can see it's red. I'm like, oh, okay, you're right. It's red. He's like, I'll just, you know, go out and do my tests and blah, blah, blah. Comes back and he's like, gas is off, but we're still getting the meter, still, still ticking. So it means there's gas is flowing somewhere. It's not supposed to be flowing. So he checks all the appliances, checks the stove, checks the furniture, you know, the heater, the whatever. The whatever. And finally finds, you know, with his little, you know, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, little detector thing, you know, the wand that detects gas, finds a leak outside the house. So now gas is shut off. I can't turn you back on legally after, you know, until you get it fixed. I have to turn the gas off.

[D]

So how long does that take? And did you smoke any cigarettes?

[C]

No cigarettes. And it's funny because he was very apologetic, like, he. He was. You could tell in a previous life, he had all sorts of face tattoos. Made me think possible jail time. Clergy just gave the impression. So I was like, this is a guy who, in a previous life, like, you know, this would be a massive problem for. But for us. A. I was like, thanks. I mean, yes, it is an inconvenience, but it would be much more inconvenient if our house blew up. So thank you very much for, you know, finding the leak. And so I'm sorry I have to do this to you. I'm like, it's okay. Don't worry. I'm glad the house is not going to.

[A]

What kind of facial tattoos?

[C]

He had the State of California right here.

[A]

On the next.

[C]

He had the lips. He had all teardrops. I couldn't. Well, there was a lot, so I couldn't tell if they were teardrops, but there. And he was also.

[A]

Could have been semen.

[E]

He had.

[C]

He had.

[A]

I did semen on my forehead.

[C]

How do I put this? He had a skin tone where the. The tattoos didn't pop.

[D]

Okay, okay, So I can.

[A]

Eskimo. Did.

[C]

Yeah, that's right. Inuit.

[A]

Oh, sorry. Yeah.

[D]

Come on.

[C]

So here we are today, called the goggle plumber. I'm so stupid. I think plumbers just do. Obviously do pipes, but I thought they just did, like, you know, liquid plumbing, obviously. Pipes.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

So comes out and long. You'll. You'll know more about this than anyone will care about. But he did all sorts of tests. You know, shut this valve off. Shut that valve off. Check the line from the city. And long story short, we have to tear up our brick dog run backyard because that's where the pipe goes all the way to the back to the water heater. And it's 21ft a section, which you probably know. And they have to dig it up 21ft at a time and try and figure out where the leak is.

[D]

And I'm sure you get reimbursed for that.

[C]

Oh, sure. Yeah.

[A]

I know the pipe. The green stuff is the variable stuff, but I didn't know about the 21. I'm not sure where the 21ft comes in.

[C]

This also may be old pipe because our house is, like I said, built in 1949 or whatever it was. And there's a chance this is the original pipe. That's what the said to us. So anyway, here I am on Sunday morning with no heat and no hot water or anything. And, yeah, I had to take a shower. I was washing away the booze from the night before.

[D]

Did Tessa ever get fed?

[E]

She did.

[C]

Well, the microwave, the electric. She ate.

[A]

Why? So I feel like most people just wouldn't have taken a shower.

[C]

I was. I had gone to the game, I had cheered at the game. I drank at the game. I had gone out for the. Cried at the game, I cried at the game. I got out for drinks. It was just one of those things I wanted to wash off the day's, you know.

[A]

Yeah, no, I get it. Still freezing water.

[C]

It was very cold. It was very unpleasant. It was very unpleasant. And I thought to myself, I'm not doing that again. So this morning, just took the horsebath. Just took the wet cloth to the pits.

[D]

Horseback.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And I took the Adam Corolla shower. And I vowed never again. It was bitterly cold. It was very unpleasant.

[A]

Well, the thing about the cold is it's whatever the ground is times whatever. And it's getting cold at night now. And that's the water that's in there. And the kids. The key to the game, the key to the whole process is it's you inflicting it upon yourself.

[D]

Right.

[C]

Volunteer.

[A]

See, Brian probably didn't get that much out of the exchange because he would have preferred to have hot water on him.

[D]

He's pissing and moaning the whole time.

[A]

But it's the part where you knowingly do it to yourself. That's, that's the part, that's the emotional part, that, that's where the good comes.

[C]

There was a good 30 seconds of standing and deciding before I hopped into that shower where the water's going. And I'm like, I could very easily just take the, take the rag to the pits, right? Like I got, I gotta get in there.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And I wanted a little bit to talk about on the show.

[D]

So how long does this take to fix?

[C]

Well, let's hope. Best case scenario estimate, by the way, $8,500. That's where it starts. That's. That's if they don't have to do too much.

[A]

I just like. Because there's no such thing as not finding something that we find something. You know what I mean?

[C]

The best case scenario is they find it quickly and can replace the 21ft of pipe. But so bricks come up, they do what they got to do. Bricks go back. Best case scenario, it's three days with a holiday coming up. So most likely this stretches into next week, early 2019. That'd be great. Anyway, sorry, pointless story. But I'm feeling pain both from the cold shower and the $8,000 estimate.

[A]

I think you'll be a better man with the cold shower.

[C]

I don't feel any different.

[A]

You're welcome. You don't feel different because you're not. It's forced upon you. You must choose to do this. Like you don't feel like you got a good workout if you run from a bear, but if you just ran through the forest, you would no bear. You'd feel really proud of yourself with you're done.

[C]

The real challenge then is once the Heat TRs turn back on, then I'm taking the cold shower.

[F]

That is right.

[C]

We'll never know.

[A]

We'll never know. All right, I'm. I'm getting ready. So I've. I'm now going to transfer myself from the cold shower into the swimming pool. Cuz now it's. It is cold. It is cold where I am at night. And the pool's getting down there, so I'm going to take.

[D]

Is Sunny down.

[A]

I can't get. You gotta get that video. I don't know when the last time we saw it, but I'm so in love with that video. Sonny jumping into the freezing pool, Lynette screaming at her. Screaming at everybody. Makes me laugh. I hope so. I hope so.

[D]

You know, it's interesting, though, because Natalia is the daredevil. So you think she would have participated at least once.

[A]

She really wants to just make fun of Sonny.

[D]

I get it.

[A]

But by the way, Natalia wildly insulting. Last night, I said, hey, I'm going to the mall. I need money to go shopping for clothes shopping. Like mommy said I could go clothes shopping. And I said, all right. What do you got? I got 100 bucks. And I said, yeah. Damn, that's a lot of tough skins.

[C]

Forever. 20 bucks.

[A]

A lot of tough skins. And hopefully not the reinforced knees like I used to get. That sends the wrong message when it's on a lake. And I said, and she goes, I need another hundred bucks. And I said, I'm not giving you another hundred bucks. And she goes, I got 100 bucks. I got a gift certificate, like an Amazon gift certificate. 400 bucks. So how about you hammer it with me and give me.

[C]

I was going to sell it to you.

[D]

Thank you.

[A]

I said, fine.

[C]

Make it out to cash.

[A]

So I did. I took out a bunch of cash, and I took out the cash. As I've said before, a reason I haven't been to the ATM in seven years is because once a month, twice a month, we go out. I go out, we do a show, and then at the end of the show, we sell some books and some T shirts. And when I get back to stateside,

[C]

see you guys a week from Friday in Anaheim.

[A]

Oh, that's right.

[C]

Anaheim Grove for Adam's weekly ATM visit.

[A]

Yeah, Rigg will be up there. Then we just get the merch cash, and that's the. The 5s and 10s and 20s I used to get through life. I pulled the money out, and I told her, let's count it out. And she gave me the card and the Amazon card. Then as I was counting the money out, I thought, well, this is kind of interesting moment we're having here. And also, this isn't cash. Daddy's not a waitress, and this isn't from the atm. So I. I said, where do you think? Do you know where this money came from? Because I think it's kind of interesting that daddy was in Phoenix. And Daddy was selling books and T shirts and things in between shows or whatever. She's counting it out. And I go, do you know where this money came from? And she just went, uncle Jimmy.

[D]

Oh, no.

[A]

Jesus Christ. Yeah. He brings over a sack of money. Hey, Jimmy, I'm here for a monthly delivery. I need like, $180. What do you got in the ashtray of the Mercedes? Could you it call, come by? You have your assistant drop off a sack, a bag of money.

[F]

Uncle Jimmy.

[A]

It's so sad that that's the way her little brain works. Couldn't be Daddy out getting his hustle on, working on the weekend, selling his books. Uncle Jimmy, what'd you do, give him a handy? That's not fair. This is blowjob type cash. All right, let's see. We'll take a quickie break. Willie Robertson. And you know I'm Duck Dynasty. He's on the phone. We'll talk to him right after this.

[F]

And now Sonny Carolla reads a tweet from James Woods.

[D]

He's got to ask his boyfriend to go easy on raw dogging it. Maybe a little more cuddling will tone down his hysteria. Too much shaffering can throw off a bitch's mood.

[F]

Now back to the Adam Carolla Show.

[A]

I like James woods because it goes old school. It goes, your mother. I'll ask your mother. And then he goes, ask your boyfriend, like on the other side. You know what I mean?

[D]

Yep. Classics.

[A]

Classics.

[C]

Fight Dirty.

[A]

Never go out of style. All right, let's see. Willie Robertson, Duck Dynasty, on the blowers. Got a book out. American entrepreneur. How 400 years of risk Takers, Innovators and Business Vision Built the US of A. Good to speak to you, Willie.

[E]

Nice to speak to you. You know what? That sounds like a good Christmas present.

[A]

It sounds like a great Christmas present. It's available today on Amazon and you can bookmark us and tweet through. Sorry. Link to our site just helps tell us about the book, Willie.

[E]

Well, that's pretty much kind of what you read. What's. What it's about, you know, we chronicle all sorts of different entrepreneurs through the beginning of America, even before the Native Americans trade there all the way up till now. And we mix in our story and kind of our DNA with it, with being entrepreneurs ourselves. I was really interested in selling things as a kid. We grew up really poor, so I found different ways to make money. Had a nice worm farm when I was young, which is a really. It's a good business. It's just pretty labor Intensive. And checkout is kind of maddening. Finding 50 worms in a. In an old boat full of cow manure. So I need to move on to something. And a guy gave my dad a box of Hubble Bubble bubble gum. And so I sold that for 50 cents a piece in fifth grade and business went well. And I started buying more and more can and had a pretty good operation. I was making several hundred dollars and then the principal shut me down. Concession stand sales were down. And so they shut that down and I had to find more ways of making money. Kind of at the same time dad was doing this duck call business and trying to get it off the ground, which it wasn't doing that great. And. But then we were the workers and over time he stuck with it. And here we are today. Ended up making the show up. I used to think, God, wish that would have come up with something besides duck calls because those things are really hard to sell. But I found this. If you have a giant TV show, you can sell a lot of duck calls.

[A]

Well, you know, the more you know. Yeah, I'd like to find out how and you everyone can tell me this. Will, I'd be curious what your thoughts are. How do you give somebody the entrepreneurial spirit? When I was a kid, kid, I was the worst. I saved no money. I made no money once a year for the East Valley Trojans. They gave me a box with 12 candy bars in them and I had to sell them for a dollar a piece. And then they gave me a mini manila envelope. It's weird, we only do small and large in manila envelopes. There's a giant one and then there's a little one you put the bills in. I never see a medium sized one. But either way, at the end of the week, at the end of the month, we'd have to turn it in and I would always have one half a candy bar left because I would eat three of them. I'd have four dollars and no other candy bars. And we'd have to reconcile it with Duke Gallagher, our coach at the East Valley shows. And I didn't have any of it. Now I'm filled with it. How, how do you get, how do you graft it on someone or how do you get them interested in it?

[E]

Well, that's the difference to me. And you see, I had a whole box of bubble gum in fifth grade. I chose not to chew of it, but to sell it and make money. So there's a great quote in the book from Michael Dell and he says, he says, I Get the question all the time, how do you become a great entrepreneur? He said, I actually hate the question because if you're having to ask what that is, you're probably not yet. So that may say a lot about it. But I think you can learn and you can, you know, you can. You can outwork stuff, and so you may not be the best at it. I learned that with all the people in the. And there were so many different backgrounds. Like, some of the people were rich, some of them were really poor, some of them were older, some of them were younger. But the work ethic was always there. They always had this just aggressive work ethic that they just felt like they weren't going to be outworked or out hustled. And most all of them shared that same trait.

[A]

My theory is that all these people that sort of seem to outwork everybody, everybody don't have a love of money. They have a love of sort of success. Not necessarily bragging rights, but money. Look, the way our society is structured, money is just sort of units of success, so to speak. And that's why we love to hear when somebody goes, how come you're rich? And I go, I won the lottery. We go, eh. Or they go, how come you're rich? My dad. Dad had an incredibly successful business and he gave me a bunch of franchise. We go, all right, but when you go, I invented this, and I sold them out of the trunk of my car. And eventually, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, we just go, oh, that's cool, right? Because the money's the same. It's the units of success that sort of are measured differently. Do you agree with that, Willy?

[E]

I totally agree. I think money is just a byproduct. Like, you end up with money. And you're like, wow, this is great that I have money. But you may not have went into it trying to, you know, trying to get rich off this, I guess in the back of your mind. But I. I think you're right. I think the money's just a. This is how much we did. And so. But. But it's important to tell people too, you know, I mean, as people. Because people ask me all the time about business. Ever since the show, they're like, I get emails every day. You know, I'm starting this business. And, you know, how did you know when to, you know when to do this and when to do that? And. And I tried to tell them, look, you got to be patient. You know, people said to me, like, willie, what's it being like being this overnight Success. And I'm like, well, my father started the company in 1972, so I don't know what your idea of overnight, it was about 40 something years of grinding and, you know, not making a lot of money. But we never thought about it, like, we weren't successful. We were like, we. We get to hunt and fish and grow our beards out and hair. We don't have to bathe to go to work. We can do whatever we want to do. To us, that was success. So we were as happy as we could be doing, finding the job that we had. And then, you know, the more money you make is great. But I do think it's that, yeah, you're just. You want to say, hey, I want to succeed in whatever it is that I'm doing. And I think the question is, do you really want to work for yourself or do you want to work for someone else else? And, and that's not, that's not a bad thing. Like my brother Jace, he's older than me. He didn't mind working for somebody else. He's fine. Yeah, he didn't want to try to run it and, and do that, so. And I just had that desire. But, yeah, I can run it. I think we can. My wife and I, we were like, we think we can run this and take it to a whole new level. And, you know, fortunately for us, we did.

[A]

I had a thought, and I would encourage more people to sort of think this way. Very early on, when I was working construction, there's this mindset. My boss would say, you want to get from seven bucks an hour to eight bucks an hour. You buy a pickup truck, it'd be another dollar an hour. So I bought a beater pickup truck to get another dollar. And you work on a site with guys that are making 15 bucks an hour when you're making 7 bucks an hour. The carpenters back in the day. And so the mindset. Mindset becomes, how do I get to 15 bucks an hour? How do I get to 15 bucks an hour? And it's all. You buy another tool and you show up with a truck and they bump you up to 10 bucks an hour. But at a certain point I realized, wait a minute, it can't be how much for your time, like how much you need to get paid by the gig. You know what I mean? I mean, it all ends up being time. But what I'm saying is, stop trying to think of how to get to 20 bucks an hour and 20. But it's still you being somewhere for an Extended period of time versus you showing up, doing a job and leaving and getting paid for it. That was sort of an early entrepreneurial sort of thought I had. And everyone should share that thought, which is instead of thinking like, how much per unit or per year, per hour, whatever it is, think in terms of getting paid and going home and not having it based on how long you were there.

[E]

Well, if you want to be there. But I don't know that. I don't know that a lot of people want to be there.

[A]

They don't want to be there. That's what I'm saying.

[E]

Because. Because it brings stress. Do you want to have less stress? Less stress? Is that a work. You pay me this amount of money stress there. So when you start getting paid by the gig or by the job or by the. Now you have stress. Because that there's a certain expectation is you're not going to make any more money if you don't, if this job is not the best job. And so that's where you have stress. You got to push yourself more and you gotta say, you're in charge of things now. You're paying other people by the hour while you're trying to, you know, and that's where it starts getting bigger. But that brings in stress. And I find that a lot of people really don't want that stress. They're like, eh, I don't want that stress. I'll work my job and I'll go home and I'm good.

[A]

Who shoots the most ducks? Is there some other country? Where, who, where do you export? Like, what would surprise you? Us that you guys export your product to.

[E]

It's funny you said, I just, I flew in. I'm in New York right now. I flew in from Scotland on a duck hunt. And just to see if the Scottish ducks had an accent. It's the same quack.

[A]

That's interesting.

[E]

We ship a lot of duck cost to New Zealand.

[A]

Oh, really?

[E]

New Zealand? Everyone knows that and everything in New Zealand. Every animal that. There's a lot of hunters down there, believe or not. And they were all brought in, which is wild to me, because there was nothing there. Everything they had they brought in, but they're crazy down there. They hunt at night. They hunt from helicopters and they shoot down on ducks rather than up at ducks.

[A]

They shoot ducks from helicopters?

[E]

Yeah, that's what they said. They said, you really want to have fun, we'll go up in a helicopter and shoot them. I was like, you guys have figured something out.

[A]

Yeah, tough, rare, awesome idea. Yeah. It's got to be weird for the ducks that survive. They must come back and telling tales of a giant, angry metal duck that makes noise and fires out of its side.

[C]

Like, fitz, fire.

[E]

Like the ducks are sitting out fire from its side.

[A]

Yeah, they're, like, sitting around the duck campfire and telling stories. That's gonna be the scary, scariest duck story ever.

[C]

That was a horrible quack.

[E]

They're like, no, it was the group of guys with the beards. Yeah, it was some of them, too. Yeah.

[A]

Riding inside of the duck, living inside it. The book is called American how 400 years of risk Takers, Innovators, and Business visionaries built the US Of A. It's available as we speak now on Amazon. Willie, thanks for your time. Our connection's a little rough, so I'm going to cut it a little bit short. But go after and makes a good Christmas gift. Right, Willie?

[E]

Yeah. I appreciate that. Good talking to you, buddy.

[A]

Good talking to you. Take care. Yeah, that's good. About. I like that part of this country where everyone can go out, get a job. Of course, you have to show up. You do have to show up.

[C]

You asked about, like, you know, can you give someone the entrepreneurial spirit? I don't know if you can, but that feels like the greatest gift you can give someone. You know, you're advising, mentoring a child, perhaps information. Information. You tell them, like, here's the path. If you want to do this. Here. Here's what you should do. Here's a shortcut you should take. Imagine if someone told you, don't worry about dollars per hour, your per hourly wage. You want to get it this way. It's like, oh, yeah, that makes a lot of sense. You figured it out. But I don't know if most people would benefit from that information.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

As I really start to consider the human condition and I look around and I think about where we're at and the people in my life and. And people I've dealt with good and bad. I really start to think that there's a sort of genetic kind of, like, I used to go all nurture. I wasn't much nature. I wasn't, you know, nature is what, you know, the genes your parents gave you and nurture. So it's like if you had muscles, that was because you spent a lot of time in the gym. And then I started to really think about it. No, the guys with muscles have muscles, and they may spend time in the gym. And maybe the guy doesn't have muscle, spends time in the gym. But predetermined kind of better to be the guy with the muscles versus the guy who lives in the gym. That guy's never gonna do as good as that guy.

[C]

It also makes sense that the guy with muscle would be more predisposed to spend time in the gym because, you

[A]

know, he's got this physique, so. And as I start to really just think about life, and I end up spending a fair amount of hours each week sort of wringing my hands and saying, I don't get it. I told this person this, but they do that. You know, they keep doing that. I keep telling. I look no further than my nephew. We sat down for three hours and explained to him the business and how it worked and how he could blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And whatever. That's not an information problem. That's almost a DNA problem. And I don't know. I don't say, oh, this person's a bad person. This person's a good person. But I don't know. Maybe some people can murder and some people can't murder, and we do a ton of. Of, like, we need to expose them to this, and they need good teachers and good mentors and all that kind of stuff. But I'm starting to, like, look at almost everybody. I'm loosely basing it on almost no one listening to me, almost ever, about advice. Like, we do a lot of, like, well, you need to work with these people, and you need to talk to them, and these young people need people to come down, and they need good teachers and good role models and good whatever. And I thought, yeah, yeah, it all makes sense. It all makes sense until I think about sort of my own life, and I realized it's never really happened.

[D]

It just didn't penetrate.

[A]

I was a Catholic big brother, and, like, I gave my little guy Nate, my phone calling card back when they had phone cards, you know, And I. And I hand it to him, and he said he met a girl, and she was, like, online, and she was in, like, one of the Carolinas or something. And I gave a long speech about, like, you can use the card, but you're gonna have to pay me back. You know, I'll get the bill every month, but don't talk for five minutes and then hang up. And you can call every day, but limit it to four, five, six minutes. You can't go on for two hours. Blah, blah, blah. My phone got shut off. Three days later, the fucking phone got shut off. They didn't even send me a thing that said, hey, I mean, this wasn't no cell phones. My home phone, My home just got shut. And I was like, literally, like, I sat down with Nate, and I said, now, look. Now listen to me. Listen to me. It's a lot of responsibility. And look, I will be the first to know if you go nuts abusing this privilege, and I'm about to grant you because I will get the bill, right? And you're gonna be responsible for that bill, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then four days later, my phone shut off, and I'm like, I went in. When, by the way, I can't tell you how many times I paid things in person, like utility bills and phone bills. Always a bad sign. And I was like, what happened? You rang up 300 bucks worth of charges in two days, and we shut your phone down.

[C]

I didn't know it was possible.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

Wow.

[A]

And then all the many times. Like, all the many times when we were living in an apartment, the manager, Jim, would come by, and he'd just go, like, if I get one more complaint about the noise that's coming from your apartment, one more. If there's one more incident, I will evict your ass. And so it's like, we'd be like. It'd be a weeknight. People be up late smoking pot, drinking beer, whatever, and I'd be like, standing in my living room, and two dudes would be like, all right, we're out of here. And one in the morning on a Wednesday night, you know, and they'd be walking down the stairs to their car, like, on the street, and I would just go, like, listen to me. We're going to get tossed. We're going to get tossed out of this building, you guys. From the time you leave this front door, the time you shut your car doors, no talking. No talking. You're a little bit buzzed. No talking. We're going to get yelled. I'm going to get thrown out of the apartment, and we won't have a place to party if I get thrown out of this apartment. And then I'd go, okay. God. I'd go, okay. And then you'd hear him walking down the stairs, and at some point, you'd hear him go, hey, dude, I'm taking a piss. Back off. And then the other guy go, hey, dude, didn't. Whatever Adam told you to do. And he'd go, like, get out of my face, dude. And then you have a fucking shouting match on the lawn. It's like, I just fucking told you this 18 seconds ago. You Cannot prevent this. You can't. And now I'm starting to really think that's it. I think that's just where we're at. I don't think there's a mount. I don't think there's coaching up. Whether it's my buddy from high school or my nephew. I don't think there's a sit down and discuss. I've had a million sit down discussions with a million people. It rarely goes the direction I want it to go. This Catholic little brother. This is buddies out of high school. This is potential employees. It rarely goes that direction.

[C]

Well, back to my original point. Yes. You can't give someone the entrepreneurial spirit. The best you can do is give them that information. What they do with it is up to them. They could just throw it, you know, go piss on the corner.

[A]

That's what they do. No, I'm now. Thank you.

[C]

Now I'll start my own business.

[A]

I now know something. Here's what I now know. There's a catch 22. Here's a catch 22. First I'll tell you about bespoke post. Oh, here's somebody with the entrepreneurial spirit. Listen, everyone gets everyone gifts this year during the holidays. How about you get yourself some something good. Why buy that ugly sweater for your uncle? You can buy some awesome for yourself. Get yourself bespoke post. Have a box awesome sent to your door every month. So many good items. Such high quality surprise every time. I mean, if you like to have a drink. They got great stuff for making drinks. They got great stuff for. Where is my knife? I love my knife. That I got. Yeah. Anyone wants to mess with me, they gotta deal with this thing I can't find which is normally in front of me. Here it is. Here it is. Listen. Listen to the action. Oh, make as much noise. I thought it would. That's good. Ninja Silent hunter.

[C]

Hold on. Yes, I'll sweeten it up for you.

[G]

Thank you.

[F]

Oh, there you go.

[A]

High damn quality as I hold it in my hand. BoxofAwesome.com answer a few questions. So visit BoxofAwesome.com couple quick questions and you'll be off and running. First, each month you'll get an email with all the details. If you're not feeling that month's box, you can go ahead and skip it. Each box is under 50 bucks and more than 70 bucks worth of great and unique gear. They got everything. Bespoke Post. Essential goods for the modern man. Right, Dawson? To receive 20% off your first subscription box, go to boxofawesome.com and enter promo code Adam at checkout.

[F]

That's boxofawesome.com code Adam Brady for 20%

[A]

off your first box. Bespoke post themed boxes for guys that give a damn. Catch 22 my catch 22 with advice is now this. My batting average is abysmal now. My prognosticating is spot on. I have sat down with many a person and said this is what's going to happen. We want to avoid this, we'd like this to happen. So here's what it's going to take. And then it just basically just, just happens the negative thing. And I've attempted to give much advice to many people from all walks of life. I now realize this the catch 22 of advice. It's the exact same relationship in the catch 22 you have with lending of money. If Nick Santora or Kevin Hench ever needed to borrow money from you, you would be paid back with interest immediately. But they, they would never need it. Then you can think about the friends or family members or homeless folk who do want the money from you. The people who need the money. You need the money. You've already put yourself in a self selecting category of people that are really bad with money and not real good at paying people back without. I mean there's rare exceptions when there's deals. Look, I borrowed money money from people, there's like a real estate thing and I need them to front it for a month and then I'm going to sell the thing and then I'll pay them back or whatever, that's a rare exception. The people that need money are the worst at paying it back. So if you took a person that came up to you and said may I borrow some money? You'll never see that money again. If you walked up to the people you know, the people you trust, and you said, here's some money and they went, oh, I don't need it, but okay, they would pay you back. If someone ever comes up to me and says give me some advice, they would use it. That rarely happens. It's usually me sitting them down and grafting advice onto them that they don't want. They need it, but they don't want

[D]

it, they kind of resent it.

[A]

So when you want money, you'll never get paid back. And when you want advice, they will take that advice. But how many people have. And you guys can think about your lives as well. How many people. And I'm always struck that more people. And maybe it's Google I don't know who to blame it on, but what I'm saying is people never ask my advice. They never go, hey, tell me, what do you want to do? Or, what's the next year going to look like for me? Or, how does this work? Or any of this stuff? And I'm always a little surprised. I know it sounds pompous, but, I mean, I'm a little surprised that no one ever says, like, hey, as a guy who's preaching everything to everyone all the time, no one ever goes, can I pick your brain for a second? It almost never happens. It'll happen about something to do. Like, Dawson will ask me about soundproofing a studio or something. I get, like, construction. Like, tangible, hard, tangible things, but I never really.

[D]

Not like direction.

[A]

No. So I realized people don't want advice. They need advice. But if you sit down with them and try to offer it up to them, they almost always reject it. Or never. Or they never absorb it. Absorb it.

[C]

Thought, yes. Could be wrong, could be right. Or not even wrong or right. It's just my first thought. Is this a male versus female thing? Like the trope of, like, the guys never ask for directions. You know, the old cliche. Because I get the same thing as you where it's like, you know, I. Not that they. I'm in position to be asked advice, but, like, if I get asked advice, like, you know, a fantasy football thing or like, oh, any good movies I should see, like, that kind of specific stuff, like instruction stuff for you. But Christie, and it could be a product of her position, has a lot

[A]

of her

[C]

people under her. People who work for subordinates. Yeah, her subordinates. Her people who work for her, and the vast majority being female, ask her for advice, career advice, life advice. Like, what should I. You know, I want to move up, but I can't move up here. Where should I. You know, that kind of stuff. And it's not specific to, like, the industry.

[A]

Well, I don't hire bitches, so I don't.

[C]

That's what I'm saying.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Well, I see, Chris.

[A]

For me, it's pretty across the board. I don't feel males or females ask me anything, but, yeah, I could see males. Yeah.

[D]

More approaching. The thing that makes me insane is I've been giving solicited and unsolicited advice my entire life because I think just emotionally, I kind of. I sort of embrace that super computer side of wanting to help. And when someone asks me for. For advice and I give them a very honest answer, the thing that makes My blood pressure go through the roof. Is their response to me going, yeah, it's not even that. It's. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. It is that. You're asking me what the problem is, and I'm telling. Because I'm observing you. I'm watching you. You know, it's not even that. Like, honey, that is what it is. So I stopped giving advice.

[A]

Yeah, maybe I should, too.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what? I'm gonna give myself some advice. No more advice. But I now realize if people seek it, then they will receive it. If they're not seeking it, you're just kind of laying it on them. Then maybe it starts. Maybe our brains start early with this stuff. Like when you're in school and the gym coach is doing the thing where it's like, everybody needs to get shorts and a reversible thing. Everyone's name needs to be written written out and block letters, last name, and like this, like, sing songy. What's going. You know? You know, like, you go through the airport, and it's like, all items into the bin. That includes keys, cell phones, wallets. Maybe we just tune out. Like, maybe we're. Maybe. Maybe we're conditioned. I was talking to someone over the weekend about this, which is people are horrible listeners. And I don't know if you guys have found this in your life. A lot like. A lot like, just a lot of really bad listeners. Like, I will tell people, like, if I say to someone, I mean, not while we're watching TV or anything, like, if I come back from a car race, and I'll go, oh, how was the car race? And I'll go, good. And then they'll go, what car did you drive? And I'll go, well, I normally bring the Porsche up there, but. But Nissan was the brand this year at the historic. So I brought the Nissan Z car, and they go. So all Porsche race. Like, they just go like, Israel. It's like, no, I just said to you this thing four seconds ago, and I'm standing two feet from you, and we're not doing anything. Why? The process. But I realize so many people have trouble processing information, and so many people have trouble listening. I learned to listen when I started doing Loveline. I realized, oh, I didn't listen very well. And you have to listen. And sometimes I'll close my eyes when people talk because I'm trying to picture what it is they're saying. But maybe we have crafted a society where you tune out so much so often. Think about the fact that There's a warning sign sticker on every cup of coffee. I mean, forget about packs of cigarettes, everything. You go to the gas pump. There's a long list of what's going to hurt you on that pump. And it's basically saying you shouldn't be engaging in this process. But it's kind of weird because, well, what, what, what are we to do then? And also it says it on the coffee cup. Like it's like warning stickers everywhere all the time. Major tune out factor, right? 100% tune out factor.

[C]

It seems so like we've been trained to like. I doubt people even know there are warning stickers on, you know, gas pumps.

[A]

Yeah, it's just a. Never ending. Are you pregnant? Are you consuming alcohol? You cannot.

[C]

Bottle of wine.

[D]

You'll get fans.

[A]

Everybody, everything has it. Every, every medication, everything, all day, every day, everywhere, right?

[D]

I'm looking, I'm looking at furniture right now. The visor right online and Wayfair, Costco, whatever. And everything at the bottom has a little clickable thing that says Prop 65 for California. So that's, you know, if you off gas, this furniture, whatever, your kids are going to have gills.

[A]

Be a good move for Sonny who's going to jump in that pool again.

[D]

Tell him to stand by some rubberwood veneer tables.

[A]

Let me just hear that again. Max Zapatoff. First I'll tell you about Brian Posayn is here, so we'll bring him in in one second. I'll tell you about MVMT watches. Founded on the belief that style should not break the bank. Sold over 1.5 million watches in 160 countries. The one I wear on stage is like cobalt blue faced one with a brown leather band and I love it.

[C]

I got the gunmetal black I wore on Saturday to the birthday party where I got drunk.

[A]

They're really nice and they don't cost that much. They start at just 95 bucks. They go up to same quality you'd get of a traditional watch brand. And they're very reasonably priced. They're super high quality. MVMT did all the hard work this holiday season, so you do not have to. They've curated their favorite styles into awesome gift boxes and packages. So get that fella. They do watches for girls too, right?

[D]

Yeah, I have one, yeah.

[A]

Oh, you have one. Well, there you go. Get 15% off today with free shipping. Free [e-mail] Adam. They're launching new styles all the time. Check it out. Good Christmas gift. All right. What was I saying? Oh, do we Have. I just like to hear Lynette scream at me to give him the towel. No, no, no.

[D]

Oh, my God.

[A]

52 degrees. Get him out. Get him out.

[D]

Get him his towel. Give him his towel. Get his towel ready.

[A]

Put it over him.

[D]

Put the towel.

[A]

You guys, seriously,

[C]

some entrepreneurial listener. Please mash up Lynette screaming. Give him a towel with Creed. Apollo Creed's trying to throw him the damn towel against Ivan Drago.

[A]

Please throw in the damn towel. My favorite part of that. That clip is the beginning. I like the fretting before he goes to the floor. Oh, no, no, no.

[D]

So good.

[A]

The very all you need to know the difference between men and women. I was just sitting there going, this will be the best thing that ever happened to this kid. This is awesome that he's doing this. Lynette was literally doing a verbal equivalent to hand wringing.

[D]

Marge Simpson apoplectic.

[A]

All right, somebody. Somebody mash that up, please. With. That's a throwing the towel.

[C]

That's Rocky 4 when Drago kills him. Throw the damn towel.

[A]

All right. Oh, do we have a clip? Somebody said that Mark Garrigas sounds like Penn Jillette.

[C]

Yeah. You're tweeting this by lgimon. And, yeah, he said, you need to compare the voices of Garrigas and Penn Jillette.

[A]

So here I didn't think about it, but you tell me. Moxie said to me at one time, daddy, why do you work all the time? Kind of this sad plaintiff thing. And I said, because you want to buy plastic Shit. There's a New Yorker interview by Ronan Farrow, and God only knows what's going to happen when they subpoena those notes.

[D]

And brothers.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, they got it raised in the same orphanage. All right, Brian Posein is out there. We will take ourselves a quickie break. We'll be right back after this. Brian Posayn back in studio. Good to see you, my friend.

[F]

Good to see you, man.

[A]

The book is called Forever Nerdy, Living My Dorky Dreams and Staying Metal. Available now at Amazon. Again, bookmark us and punch through our site. Great. Live dates coming up. Salt Lake City. Coming up. Wise guys, what do you think about Salt Lake City?

[F]

I like it. I like that club. You know, I didn't know. You know, growing up, you hear about that place and you don't know what to think. But I've always had good shows there. How about you?

[A]

Yeah, I remember. Well, I'm. So here's how I like life. I like super clean and boring and pedestrian. And then if I want to go to A valley. Right. If I want to go to strip club, I'll go to a strip club. But I don't want the strip club to come. I don't want the mountain to come to Mohammed. You know what I mean?

[F]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

And whenever I go to Salt Lake City, I'm always like, where's all the trash? Where's all the graffiti? Like, where's everything? And then I go, oh, must be nice, because all this place is so trashy. When you go to. When you go Salt Lake City, especially when you live in la, you're like, there's no garbage. Where's all the junk that we.

[F]

That's true.

[A]

We leave like shopping carts and kids castle toys. I don't know why. The weird little pink castle, like, we just dump them by the. We just dump everything by the side of the freeway.

[F]

Right.

[A]

So they don't seem to have that over there. The book. Let's talk about the book. I know something about the book. And some of the stuff is stuff we've talked about.

[F]

Devpaths, we've covered my bullying and that kind of thing. That's a big part of the book. It's really about turning it around.

[A]

I didn't know about the part where somebody took shoes from a disabled boy and threw them on a roof and then blamed you. Yeah, that story I didn't know.

[F]

Yeah, I went deep in the book. There was a lot of things I'd never found a way of because over the years in my standup act, I brought some of these stories up, but there was a lot that had never been brought up. Everybody knows my dad died, but no one knows that. My mom's boyfriend died right after that. And just I went deep. But also, you know, I tried to make all that stuff funny. The thing about me getting beaten up by the special ed kid, he hit me with the space 1999 lunchbox. And the whole time I'm like, I'm the only kid here who also likes that show. You and I should be pals. It should be the nerdy kid and the special ed kid hanging out and talking about sci fi instead, because these guys threw his shoes apart on the roof. And I don't know why, but I just, you know, I always hated bullying when kids bullied me. And I would. I got beaten up a couple times because I was like getting my nose into business where it shouldn't have been. So, you know, I went and got the kids shoes off the roof. And then these. They weren't even my age. They were younger than Me, but there was more of them, you know, and they were. And I. I wasn't going to fight back. I knew they. I'd seen them punch people before. I'd never thrown a punch at that point. So I. I was just like, they're like, throw it back on the roof.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

It's weird, your formative years. Junior high, grade school, even high school. I found, I think everyone is more miserable in junior high than they are in high school. Was that everyone's. That's my. I was miserable in junior high.

[F]

Junior high was everybody. And then high school was more focused. I had a couple of bullies, but, yeah, junior high was just brutal. Brian Bishop, that, you know, just where. What do they call it? Smear the Queer. You get in seventh grade and. And you're usually the queer, unless you're the deep smearing people.

[A]

I remember once doing, playing Smear the Queer, which was also like, I don't know, knockout or something that, like, our version of it was, you played against the handball court and the ball goes sailing back, and if you caught it, you could throw it, but if you dropped it, everyone would jump on you.

[C]

Okay. We had a version of that beat

[A]

the crap out of you that was

[C]

very popular in middle school called Butts Up. And if you dropped it, no one jumped on you. If you dropped it and you couldn't get back to the wall before you

[A]

had to tag it, had to tag

[C]

it out or whatever, then your butts up, hands against the wall, police style, and everyone got turned to whip the ball at your butt.

[A]

Yeah, man.

[F]

Well, it always started as dodgeball, and dodgeball actually, dodgeball actually had some rules. But then Smear the Queer, there was no rules.

[C]

Lawless, do it with the ball.

[A]

I remember very clearly being sort of bored, playing Butts up or dodge, whatever version of sort of young homo radica Butts Up. We were playing Smear the Queer and I stood back and someone did the ta tunk tunk against the thing and I caught it and everyone sort of looked at me and then I just dropped it and I went, what are you going to do now? And I didn't go toward the board to tap out. I took off the other way and they all started chasing me. So I had 19 guys just chased me, chasing me. They could never catch me. But there was one guy who I didn't think was playing, who was playing, and as I was running past him, just socked me right in the gut. And I just folded like a burrito and fell onto the ground. And I Was never mad at him. I was like, I guess that's the rules. Yeah, he was hiding. He was like a terrorist sleeper cell, you know what I mean? Like, had a job, had a wife, everything was fine. Years were fine. Stop going to work every morning.

[F]

Right.

[A]

He's making bombs in his basement. So you now is everyone bullied? I guess, is the question. Or does everyone like every. Every girl. I don't care how beautiful they are. They tell you how awkward they were. They tell you like, oh, you're Victoria's Secret model.

[F]

Yeah.

[A]

But when you're six foot tall and the ninth grade, everyone hates you. I was a nerd. Yeah, right, right, right.

[F]

Not the kind of nerd I was.

[E]

Right.

[A]

We don't buy it, but every single guy you talk to sort of assumes they were bullied. Yeah.

[F]

No, not most kids from my school, I just ran into. I went and read the book in my hometown in Sonoma, and I had one guy who I was really surprised by. He goes, hey, man, my freshman year was just as brutal as yours. And I was like, really? And I was like, you didn't see me, did you? And I had never thought about it. This dude, he stopped going to school. It was so bad. But I didn't notice because I was in my own, you know, I was in my own shit by that point. But no, most of the guys I grew up with didn't get bullied. I was the one. I was even bullied by my friends because there was like, older kids were fucking with me. So then the younger guys were like, like, I talk about it in the book. My freshman year, the first week of the school, all these kids I had been friends with since grade school decided it wasn't going to be easy to hang around me anymore. So they, like chased me away. Like you would chase a dog with a boner, you know, like they threw dogs and. Or they threw dirt clods and, you know, rocks at me and shit.

[A]

What is the. I'm trying to think of when males are at their worst and seventh.

[F]

It's that.

[A]

It's that age.

[F]

It's like 12 to 15, I think.

[D]

You know, that's where you don't get the memo. But everyone does that. Oh, we're not friends anymore. Oh, you hate me. Oh, you're mean.

[C]

Is it my recollection of high school people sort of gravitating almost like amoeba to their own groups? You know what I mean? There was less. There was less inter class, I mean, class, like grade level. I mean, like intergroup bullying. And more like you're with this group and you're with this group. And rarely the Twain show meets with my thing.

[F]

They didn't know what to do with me. And then I also was so not even, you know, my athleticism just got worse. You know, like when I was in third grade I could play soccer. But then my bird arm started growing and my legs and I was having. I was actually having growing pains and you know, super uncoordinated. So it just got worse and worse. And then kids would never, you know, third grade they would ask me to play. But by fifth and sixth, you know, no one wanted me on their team. And then it got, you know, junior high and then high school.

[A]

There's of a bunch point where the popular guys that are doing the bullying start getting laid and then they sort of ignore. They start to prioritize.

[F]

They don't bug you anymore.

[A]

They don't bug you anymore.

[F]

It's the short bully jackass who's not getting laid. Pimples. And he's. Or you know, in my experience, it was this FFA kid who really with me, he was the future farmers of America. Yeah, it was this total shit kicker because I grew up in Sonora. This dude with wranglers on and a skull can that was like you pose saying, you know, still junior year. And I'm like, dude, I thought we were done with this. Like nobody is picking. By that time it was turning around for me anyway because I was doing the school paper and radio. But there was still some dudes that were like, yeah you. And I'm like also using that.

[A]

You know, it's always a weird. It's, it's, it's weird. I've always as. I found it remarkable. Remarkable. The sort of energy. Like the guys are really burning cal. I get burning calories. Bullying. Like, I get the part where you like that chick and that chick likes him and you like her and you want to get her, so you're gonna do what you can to whatever. But like one time a million years ago, I was just like riding my bike only when I was sixth grade or fifth grade or something. And it was like the bully guy, you know, the guy like go, hey man, let me ride your bike. And then ghost ride it. Guys are horrible though. Other guys, I've been ghost ridden on

[F]

the fighting in the book for sure.

[A]

Oh yeah, they go, let me try your bike. And you know, like, it's pretty good. It's my only bike. And like, yeah, let me try it, dude. And then they take it. They Just ghost ride it into a dumpster. Something just goes down the street, starts wobbling violently, hits a parked car, whatever. I've had a guy ghost ride a bike when I was on the handlebars. I had a guy jump off the back of a bike when I was riding on the handlebars, push you into a tree. But this guy was like, hey, man. He was whatever. And he was, like, threatening me and whatever. And I was just sort of like, oh, God. I remember he said, red hair. I don't know why. It was scary to me. And he looked like a Danny Bonaduce type. And he's like. He was like, wait a minute.

[C]

He did play the bass.

[A]

And at a certain point, I somehow made my getaway. Like, I was like, hey. And I took off on my bike, like, pedaling as hard as I could. And he was chasing me, like, trying to punch me in my back, you know? And I was kind of thinking, wow, that's a lot of energy for a guy. You don't know. You know what I mean? Like, I know in your mind I'd escaped, but who are you, Al Qaeda? Like, what do you mean? You taking hostages? You're 13 and I'm 11. And what's going on? Where's all the cat? It didn't make sense from a caloric standpoint to me. Forget about human beings. Why am I running after this guy? Smack him in the back. He didn't do anything.

[D]

I have a question for you guys, because I think it's only something only guys can answer. Would it make it worse if a guy was bullying you, say, in front of his girlfriend, and he's talking shit and. And then she goes, adam, be nice. You're so mean. Be nice. Cause I feel like for some reason that always when I would observe a girl kind of like, calling attention to the situation and you're not nice, that would be more embarrassing.

[F]

Yeah, I think so.

[D]

Does that make sense?

[F]

Oh, absolutely.

[A]

Yeah.

[F]

Whenever girls would get involved, I had a good experience in the book. Seventh grade, eighth grade. Like, an eighth grade grownup was fucking with me during P.E. and then this eighth grade girl came over, and, you know, it was like a grown woman one year in seventh grade, and she was this beautiful thing, and it made him stop. But then by senior, you know, our sophomore, junior year, I had a girl beating me up, and another girl jumped in, and I was just like, this is a low. This is so much.

[A]

I got beat up by a guy.

[E]

Stop.

[A]

Brian, ever get beat up by a girl?

[F]

No.

[A]

You should try.

[C]

I'M looking forward to it.

[D]

Might be into it.

[A]

We played. We played in a junior high God damn softball tournament and like a summer softball tournament. And we went to, like, the inner city and we played some all black school and we beat them at softball. And then they said at the end, sadly, we all had to get on the same bus and drive back to where we were. And at the end, and one of the. They were going, you're lucky this wasn't football. This wasn't. If we were playing football, we would have whooped your ass. And I was really good at football back then. I was like, oh, if this was football, we would have for sure. And next thing I know, this giant black one was on top of me and I was on my back and she was punching me in the face over and over again. And everyone stood around and watched. I remember the part is there's a lot of that. Everyone stood and watched because people think people snap into action when a fight breaks out. Even. Even, like the coaches or the counselors, they do not. They just sit. Your first impulse is the softball coach, dude is, hey, what's going on? This is interesting, right? And she's on top of me, and I got my feet, like, in her chest and she's, like swinging like she's doing ground and pound.

[F]

And there would have been 12 cell phones on.

[A]

Oh, yeah, Yeah.

[D]

I would start hip hop.

[A]

I literally screamed, get this bitch the fuck off me. And finally, growler. But then we all had to get in the same bus. This is uncomfortable. It was uncomfortable.

[C]

I've never told this story, and it's not that, and it's not bullying, but this very much cemented my relationship with women. To this day, I will say first grade, I went to a Catholic school and there was a hot lunch line, right? The boys in one line, the girls in the first grade, boys in one line, girls in the other. And we're about three feet apart, right? Just lined up, up for lunch. And I decided it'd be a good idea to walk that three feet and give Mairead Clark a kiss. I just kissed her right on the cheek.

[A]

Really.

[C]

She did not like that. And the class, I think whether or not she liked it, I don't know. The class reacted very, very unfavorably to my advances. And it did not go well. There's lots of laughter, lots of finger pointing. And then at lunch, we were going hot lunch. At lunch, I went over to where she was sitting on the bench to apologize and she kicked me in the shins.

[D]

Good for Her.

[C]

And that very much established where I wireless with women for many years.

[D]

You know what, though? Could be worse if you did that. Now, that would be.

[C]

That would be. That would be for sure written up.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

How the. I found the ladies. Didn't the ladies like small guys more than they let on? They always talk about, like, big and tall and strapping and everything. It was always the miniature guys that had all the women. Brian, is that ring true to you?

[F]

Well, they weren't running into my Sasquatch arms when I started to get big.

[A]

All right, we're going to play our nerd walking first. I'll tell you this half of the show, brought to you by medmen.com let them know I sent you Simply Safe. Go to simplysafe.com Castrol Edge Titanium Strong for maximum Edge performance. And bet online betonline AG. Enter the code podcast1. All right, let's do nerd walking. Nerd walking. Nerdzing. We're asking nerds if they know what guys who aren't dorks should know. They are all virgins. It's time for nerd walking. Cause you are nerds.

[E]

Nerds.

[A]

Oh, right. This time I was the person who was providing the answers. Right. So you guys are going to sort of guess as to whether I could get the answer.

[C]

You're being asked nerdy questions. That's right. And we'll see.

[F]

What Kroc song was that based on? That? That, like. It sounded like a new romantic. That nerd song. It sounded like something like from Gold.

[A]

It's a. It's a kind of deep cut. It's a.

[F]

It's a goofy. I totally got the I was hearing

[A]

it in my head song. But it's. It's. It's. Oh, it's. I think it may be a tool tune.

[C]

Yeah. Gold is pretty.

[G]

It's pretty.

[C]

I wouldn't crank it up.

[D]

I mean, Widow's up for sure.

[A]

I know, but you would not change it if it came on the radio. See if we can find Gold by Spandau Ballet. I know it, Gina.

[D]

I mean, I know the song, but it's not in my repertoire.

[A]

All right, sorry. Here we go. Dawson, is this you? Mm.

[C]

Is Aquaman part of the DC or Marvel universe?

[A]

Oh, okay.

[C]

Well, this is 50, 50, 50, right?

[F]

Nah, he knows this.

[D]

I mean, you have a lot of feelings about Aquaman.

[A]

Really?

[C]

You think so?

[F]

If he grew up in the 70s, he automatically knows it.

[A]

Oh, Brian, the Aquaman.

[F]

Are you that really.

[A]

Let me say it's about Aquaman.

[F]

I'm giving him Credit because I don't

[A]

really know what he knows. His powers being able to communicate with aquatic creatures. Right. Do his bidding. Why does he get to ride a giant style seahorse? There is no. I've only seen miniature seahorses. There's no full size sea horse.

[F]

Did he make that reference? He should know the answer.

[A]

Did he make it into it?

[F]

That reference is specific to one specific Aquaman thing.

[A]

And did he turn. Brian, I ask your advice on this. I need your input. Did he create a giant seahorse or do giant seahorses exist? Although I've only seen miniatures seahorse.

[F]

That's a kids animated show, Adam. Things happen on kids animated shows.

[A]

Shame you. Right, but he didn't change the size of anything else in the ocean.

[F]

He just communicated that show too.

[A]

Yeah, he communicated with everything. He rode a giant seahorse. All right, it's 50.

[C]

50.

[A]

It's 50. 50.

[D]

Yeah. If he guesses it, it's cuz he happened to guess it right, so it's not really fair.

[C]

Coin flip. I'll say he knows.

[D]

I'll say he.

[F]

Yeah, I. He knows.

[D]

I say he does not know.

[C]

Is Aquaman part of the DC or Marvel universe?

[A]

Yes, Dc.

[E]

Yeah,

[D]

that answers my question. You either know or you don't. If you're just taking a wild guess and you happen to get it right. Is that fair?

[C]

Okay, we're gonna say.

[F]

Well, we don't know yet.

[C]

Got the right answer.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Whether I guessed it or not.

[D]

That's what I'm saying.

[C]

Well, you said Marvel.

[D]

No, I said he doesn't know.

[A]

God. God will tell you all about it one day. But for now, you're wrong. But no, you're cosmically right and practically wrong.

[F]

But you put it together because he was part of the Justice League and Justice League is dc.

[A]

I did a quick math. All right, here we go. I think I do miss that cartoon.

[C]

Name one villain from the Star wars franchise.

[A]

Oh, wait a minute. I think he says, other than. Sorry.

[C]

Name one villain from the Star wars franchise aside from Darth Vader.

[D]

That changes everything.

[C]

Changes everything. I mean, Boba Fett's considered a villain, right? He's a bounty hunter. He's out for himself.

[F]

Is he considered a villain hero?

[C]

I consider him in the black and white, you know, white hat, black hat situation. I consider Bofet on the bad side.

[F]

There's no way in hell he's going

[A]

to say it, but we'll accept it.

[C]

Boba Fett's a known entity.

[D]

But even if you look at it that way, Han's Not a great guy.

[F]

No. So what do we both fit? Like the anti hero kind of snake Plissken, you know, thing.

[C]

Yeah, but Han gets redemption.

[A]

Adam already fell asleep, but I believe it have to be a villain, not

[C]

a snake on the binary.

[D]

Oh, the only one. The only possibility that he's going to get that this right. Should I say it?

[C]

Well, he's already arrested his answer.

[D]

I know, but for you people, I don't want to give it away.

[F]

You people.

[D]

The only.

[C]

You think Brian.

[A]

I don't know Star Wars.

[D]

No, and I'm saying I don't know it either. But there's only one other obvious villain. The question is, does Adam know in

[A]

the trilogy, Emperor, I suppose. All right, let's go.

[F]

No, he doesn't.

[C]

No, he's not going to.

[D]

I'm gonna say he does because I think he's gonna say Jabba the Hut.

[C]

Name one villain from the Star wars

[A]

franchise aside from Darth Vader. Oh, Shaba the hud. Or Hut.

[D]

Either way, we'll take it. We'll accept it.

[C]

That works. That works.

[F]

Yeah. Yeah, he's a villain.

[A]

Yeah, he was right.

[C]

Top of the HUD so far.

[D]

I believe I'm two for two, but okay.

[A]

All right, let's go. On, on.

[C]

Sorry, computer just crashed. We're reloading right now.

[A]

All right,

[C]

name three members of the Avengers. Oh, I think this is easier than we think. How.

[F]

How old is his kids?

[A]

I don't know.

[C]

His 12 year old son. 12 year old twins.

[A]

12 year old.

[F]

All right, you should know this.

[C]

Yeah. There. We've seen one of the movies together.

[A]

One's a girl, though.

[C]

That's true.

[A]

That's right.

[C]

Yeah. Three shouldn't be hard.

[F]

Three is not hard.

[C]

And they're kind of everywhere. The billboards and the advertisements.

[D]

Name three besides Captain America.

[C]

You can say Spider man, right? The Hulk, Iron man, and Captain America.

[F]

Well, he'd know the three main. Yeah, those three main guys.

[E]

Yeah.

[F]

I don't know if you go, yeah, yeah.

[C]

I say yes. Yes is my answer.

[D]

I'm gonna say no. I mean, I just. I don't know who the Avengers are. And I know Adam doesn't give a shit about this genre, so I'm gonna say no.

[F]

Okay. You couldn't name those three.

[D]

I wasn't sure which one's the Avengers or that's why I said Captain America. I'm not sure.

[F]

Yeah. Okay.

[C]

Name three members of the Avengers.

[A]

The avengers, iron man, captain america, Aqua Lady. God damn it.

[C]

Come on.

[F]

So close.

[A]

So close.

[F]

And then he throws it away.

[A]

Spider man is one of the Avengers.

[F]

He is now in the last movies now.

[A]

The Hulk.

[G]

Yeah.

[C]

Thor.

[F]

That would have been Thor. Thor. The Hulk would have been the key third player.

[D]

Yeah, sorry.

[A]

How's Gina?

[D]

Okay.

[C]

Name one title of a Lords of

[A]

the Rings Rings movie.

[C]

Can I count this for two? Cuz I'm going to say no. Not a chance.

[F]

No way, no way, no way.

[C]

I don't want this count for five points.

[D]

Yeah, I can't. I. I don't. Do you know any. Do you actually know any of them?

[C]

Of course. The Lord of the Rings movies were all nominated for best picture.

[D]

Yes, but you know the. The subtitles.

[C]

I sure do. Yeah.

[D]

There's no way. There's no way.

[F]

No.

[D]

No three nos.

[E]

No way.

[C]

Name one title of a Lords of the Rings movie.

[A]

Lord of the Rings. The Final Destination.

[C]

That is a movie

[D]

little mashup.

[F]

Yeah, that would be a weird double bill.

[E]

What are.

[F]

What are the.

[A]

Is one of them just called Lord of the Rings?

[C]

No, no, they're all subtitled Fellowship of

[F]

the Rings the Two Towers. And was a lot prisoner of as part of me. Part of me was thinking he might remember two towers just because so short but yeah.

[A]

Well all right. Let's do one more. Whoever wins, wins. Do we have one more?

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

What beloved fantasy character has a lightning

[A]

scar on his forehead?

[C]

Interesting.

[D]

Beloved fan. My Little Pony.

[C]

I have never heard you say the words Harry Potter. So I don't know if you know that about him or how much you even know about him.

[D]

And how into it are the kids.

[F]

Yeah, that's my first thought was did the kids read it? And then he would remember that if they did.

[D]

But they don't strike me as kids that are into wizardry or reading.

[A]

Yeah, that's right. They look at reading as wizardry.

[F]

I have a nine year old. Nine year old nerd, so I know. Yeah, but the words not everybody has

[C]

and the pictures are in your mind.

[F]

No way.

[A]

No, I say.

[D]

I say he can't.

[C]

No, I'll say yes to get back in the game.

[E]

Game.

[C]

Beloved fantasy character has a lightning scar on his forehead.

[A]

Beloved fantasy character has a lightning scar on his forehead. Luke Skywalker.

[C]

Dang.

[D]

I like this game.

[A]

I'm just going to declare.

[F]

Have. Have you even said that we're beloved in fantasy?

[A]

Not. Not the same sound sentence. Should we do a little news? Gina Grand.

[E]

Do it.

[A]

Where is Harry Potter's lightning scar? It's right in his forehead.

[G]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, haven't I seen a lot of pictures of him? How come I never noticed he hides

[F]

it with his adorable bangs.

[A]

Oh, is that what happened?

[D]

Self conscious about his Audrey Hepburn sized

[F]

cover it with his hair.

[A]

So he's like Manson. Yeah, he literally has.

[F]

Yeah, he's like Manson.

[A]

There's a dramatic thing where he moves it. Well, lightning. I mean, you know, German blitzkrieg, ss, you know, it's all in the same family, if you ask me. Okay, News with Gino Grad. Breaking viral. All those crazy Trump tweets. Give me news with Gina grad. Trouble in the Middle east, celebrity drunk meltdown. Big news with Gina.

[E]

Gina.

[F]

The news with Gina Gray.

[A]

Oh, we have the get a Mattel mashup Brian asked for.

[D]

That was fast.

[A]

I have my wife yelling, I don't

[C]

want to just play one, then the other. I want get.

[A]

Say we got it. We got it. Mashed up and from Rocky IV, right? No, no, no.

[D]

Oh, my God, it's 52 degrees.

[A]

Get him out.

[E]

Get him out.

[A]

Get him his towel.

[D]

Get him his towel. Get his towel.

[E]

Ren.

[A]

Put him down. Put him down. No, you guys, seriously. That wildly.

[C]

Seen him Eggs.

[A]

That was awesome.

[E]

Who did that?

[C]

Who did that? That was Gary.

[D]

Gary Kelly.

[A]

Nice job, Gary.

[C]

Throw in the damn towel.

[A]

God, what a time we're living in. You know, when me and Jimmy would be at Kroc in 1994, if someone said get a mashup of of that three weeks later, Jimmy. I mean, I used to watch Jimmy the razor Blade cutting audio tape and splicing it together with scotch tape. I was so insane, Right? And the real insane part is how we don't appreciate it. We just. We're wired just to move right on. Hey, that was funny. Anyway, what's next to complain about, like.

[D]

Yep, it's a big deal.

[A]

It's a big deal. That would have taken a long time. Nice job. Good call, Brian.

[D]

Well, the White House Correspondents association announced Monday that it would ditch comedy for its annual dinner in 2019 after anti Trump comedian Michelle Wolf made headlines with a very crude performance, some said last April. This according to Fox News. Wolf has already responded via Twitter saying that the WHCA are cowards and the media is complicit and she couldn't be prouder of her work.

[A]

Is that Michelle Wolf. Mike August is convinced she's black. And then I say, I don't think she's black. And then he goes, oh, she's black. And then I go, I don't think she's black. And he goes, well, everyone thinks she's black. And then I go, I think you think she's black. But I don't know what she is.

[C]

He's mostly wrong, but partially right because she does address that on the show, Daily show from time to time. How people mistake her for black.

[D]

Huh?

[A]

Like, did she bring up Mike August?

[C]

She said, idiots. I don't know the one guy.

[D]

Well, they announced that biographer Ron Chernow would be the featured speaker. He wrote the famous book about Alexander Hamilton that inspired the Broadway musical the role of the host.

[A]

Boring, right?

[D]

Typically to roast the president and members of the media. But many critics felt that Wolf took it too far. She launched attacks on Trump and the administration.

[A]

Black chicks.

[D]

So sassy. I grabbed a couple of the jokes if you want a little reminder from last year. Yeah, from back at the dinner.

[A]

Yeah, I remember the smokey eyeliner.

[D]

Yeah, we got that one. I pulled three that seemed to be the ones that probably were the big fat losses.

[A]

All right, well, let's hear them.

[D]

The first one is it's been a year. Yeah, Good old fashioned Trump joke to start things out.

[A]

Of course, Trump isn't here, if you haven't noticed. He's not here. And I know, I know I would drag him here myself, but it turns out the President of the United States

[D]

is the one P S you're not allowed to grab.

[A]

That is a good joke.

[D]

This next one's a crowd pleaser.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

Well, it strikes me that we need to be very careful during these proceedings because Trump is President of the United States because he was at one of these events.

[F]

Oh, yeah. That's the whole thing. I was thinking, Joe.

[A]

Right. So now you can go, well, you know, be careful who you. But I'm saying, like you could bring in Roseanne Barr and you could crack wise. Technically, whoever you crack wise about could be running the whole shit show in a few short years.

[F]

Well, right.

[A]

But if that's what I'm saying, look at O.J.

[F]

hard after him. He's just gonna go home and tweet and cry or get us into a war or something. But like. Cause he already does. He can't take a joke.

[A]

But he's here from that.

[F]

I feel like that's absolutely why he's president, is because Obama and everybody was laughing at him at that, you know, became a roast. It became a Trump roast. He did okay on the, like, didn't he do a Trump roast years ago on Comedy Central?

[A]

Yeah, he was always.

[F]

But he was okay on that. But once, I don't know, I think the Obama thing set him off cuz he already didn't like Obama and then Obama was making fun of him. And then that's why he's our president.

[D]

Straight line.

[A]

I honestly think I'd like to really explain this whole concept of the founder of the. I could go first, further into it, but there's something called roasting. Sort of like, you know, you guys duel. Yeah, this is dueling with bad breath. Like, this is like, we make fun of these guys. Absolutely.

[F]

But you go to roasts, and there are people that can take it, and there are people that can't, you know. Right. Haven't you seen people have meltdowns at those things? I definitely have.

[A]

Well, I've only. I participated in a few. I remember doing Hugh at Hugh Hefner's rock throws just a few days after 9 11, and watching Gilbert Godfrey doing a whole bunch of towers burning jokes like crazy. It's like, literally, we're 17 blocks away from where the towers were smoldering, and he was doing jokes about dead firemen. You know, like, it was. That Skittlebert was insane. And I did kind of quickly figure out that you think you're there to roast Hugh Hefner or Pam Anderson or whoever it is. And the first five jokes out of everyone's mouth are Adam Kroll and Jimmy Kimmel are gay jokes. And you start to quickly realize that, well, we're not. Everyone in this room is up for roasting up, potentially to be roasted. But I didn't. I don't know if I never saw anyone break down, sort of, at least in real time. Maybe later on they went back and screamed at their publicist or something like that. I think they kept their poker face on while they were doing it all.

[D]

I remember I happened to be at the Pamela Anderson one. I just remember Courtney Love getting super pissed at throwing her. That's what I was thinking about.

[F]

Yeah, that's the one I was thinking about.

[D]

I do remember that Eddie Griffin had to kind of calm her down also.

[F]

And I've done these rock ones, heavy metal ones, where, like, people like Leta Ford, Sebastian Bach didn't take it well.

[A]

Doesn't have a great sense of jungler,

[F]

Batman, Don Jameson and other comics, you know, in metal comics, like me and Jim Norton going after them, and they just weren't ready. They said they thought they were ready for it. But then we went brutal. And I went after Sebastian Buck even harder after Don Jameson already got a coffee thrown at him. So I was like, let me see if I can get Sebastian to actually throw a punch at me.

[A]

Well, I think as we talked in the past about back to bullying and being you know, I think we all. I think we can speak that we all grew up sort of just permanently humbled by our lives, our parents, our environment, whatever everyone did to you. Yeah, sorry.

[F]

Right.

[A]

So I. It's like there's almost nothing you can say that I haven't heard or experienced

[F]

how I feel about it. And I'm good at throwing back.

[A]

I used to laugh. We used to laugh on occasion about. This was when, like, Jimmy started doing Fox Sports, and he'd get there and he'd roast like Howie Long, and Howie Long would get pissed. Was. Howie Long is 6 foot 7 as a. You know, rugged jaw and huge biceps, and he's never been roasted. He's never heard a bad word in his life. You know what I mean? So it's like you have to build up sort of calluses to it. And we were so callous by the time we got out of junior high, that didn't matter. But rock stars and jocks and supermodels and stuff, they're not used to ever having anyone say anything about them. No.

[F]

When I've done roasts, I'm always like, I could think of way meaner stuff like, oh, you're calling me Frankenstein. Really? The villagers are chasing me with torches. Never, ever heard that. All right, think of something original. Jim Norton said I look like a lesbian that survived the fire, and that was one where I went, okay, I've never heard that. James Adomian said I looked like an anteater that got lost in cpk. It was when I was heavier, too. So I was like, I'll definitely take that.

[D]

All right, well, here's. I have two more. This one was. I wouldn't call it a crowd pleaser, but definitely a memorable joke to some. The hypocrisy of abortion.

[A]

Mike Pence is the kind of guy that brushes his teeth and then drinks

[D]

orange juice and thinks, mmm.

[A]

Mike Pence is also very anti choice.

[D]

He thinks abortion is murder. Which, first of all, don't knock it till you try. And when you do try it, really knock it. You know, you gotta get that baby out of there.

[A]

Oh, wait. Oh, wait. Yeah, sure, you can groan all you want.

[D]

I know a lot of you are very anti abortion. You know, unless it's the one you

[A]

got for your secret mistress. It's fun how values can waver. And finally, maybe we should put an end to this.

[D]

And finally, the Sarah Sandra Sanders. Sanders joke. She did not like this at all.

[A]

We got him, Smokey.

[D]

I. I set it up a little before because actually, the joke before was actually very funny.

[A]

I thought it was. I thought this joke was sort of misinterpreted.

[C]

Yeah, I think. I think they'd understand what Smokey. I meant. And reverted to how dare you?

[A]

Yes.

[G]

Yeah.

[A]

Or are they making fun of a woman or something?

[D]

That's true. But the joke before it, she. She does call Jim Acosta little, which was funny.

[A]

All right, what's next?

[D]

Now I have to tell you, Laura Russell Rutledge. Do you guys know her?

[A]

Laura Rutledge.

[D]

Yeah, she. She's.

[A]

We know a Jeff Rutledge, right?

[C]

We did.

[A]

Wasn't he a quarterback?

[C]

Oh, God.

[E]

Oh.

[C]

With Todd Rutledge.

[A]

Todd Rutledge. Jeff Hostetler. Is that guy Todd? Yeah, Todd Rutledge.

[C]

Tuttle Ridge was an analyst. I think that's where I know him best from.

[A]

Oh, he was an NFL quarter. He's a big time college.

[C]

I feel like he's a college, like game day guy. Or like he did like the. The studio show.

[A]

Anyway, he was.

[C]

It's Jeff Rutledge.

[E]

What? I think.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Wait, I think it's Todd Rutledge. Well, maybe there is.

[C]

Rutledge was a quarterback as well.

[A]

Oh, Jeff Rutledge for the.

[C]

For the Rams? The Giants? The Redskins.

[A]

Well, then who's Todd Rutledge? Because there's a Todd Rutledge too. Maybe there's two.

[G]

Hello?

[A]

It's me. Was he banging Steven Tyler's ex wife?

[F]

Jeff Rutledge.

[A]

There's a Jeff Rutledge and a Todd Ruth.

[C]

Apparently. I might have been wrong about Todd.

[A]

There's a Todd Blackledge, isn't there?

[C]

Oh, is there damage?

[F]

But she was asking about a woman.

[A]

Sorry. Jeff Rutledge. Don't try to keep the show on track. What am I doing? Jeff Rutledge was a big time college quarterback and then, like, went to college.

[C]

Todd Blackledge was a quarterback?

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Okay, that's where I'm getting.

[A]

That's what I said.

[C]

We said Todd Rutledge.

[A]

No, no, I said Todd Blackledge after saying that. Yeah. Sorry.

[D]

Everybody happy?

[A]

All right. Everyone happy? No. We don't know. Is she related to.

[E]

She might be.

[D]

Actually. She was Miss Florida. She won Miss America something Universe before. Well, but she. She's a. She's a sideline reporter for the SEC network.

[A]

I knew it. Totally. It was all. All roads lead to college football.

[D]

Yes. And she got roughed up on Saturday, according to the New York Post. So ahead of the UMass Georgia game in Athens, she was dragged by the Bulldogs mascot just a little. When the leash got away. From her. But then as kickoff got underway, she. Yes, she appeared on the sideline during the game, only to be hit by players as they tackled out of bounds. She bounced right back up. She tweeted she was fine. I don't.

[F]

Is there footage of this?

[D]

Yes. I don't have great footage, but. But this is what we got for both incidents.

[A]

Absolutely. Trapped from behind. She's ready to do the hit. The whistles are being blown.

[F]

Wow.

[D]

She get bounced right back up. Oh, and then the dog dropped. Drags her away.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

August dragging her around.

[C]

I mean, she.

[D]

A tough day.

[A]

It's not that weird, but it's kind of weird. This is a college football story because Jeff Rutledge is college football. And Todd Black start talking about him in college and whatever. It's just Rutledge. I don't know.

[G]

It's weird.

[A]

All right, all right.

[D]

Well, she's feisty and I like her.

[A]

Where Jeff Rutledge plays at college ball. Ohio, Michigan. Like one of those places.

[C]

Alabama.

[A]

Alabama. Okay. In the running for the Heisman. We'll figure it out.

[C]

Yeah, we'll figure it out.

[D]

Well, Brian, you should thank your lucky stars with your cute little gas leak, because you don't have it as bad as Frankie Munoz does. He might want to board his cat the next time he leaves town. The actor's five story brownstone in Scottsdale, Arizona, was flooded and virtually all of his possessions are ruined.

[A]

He's a sweet guy.

[D]

Yeah, well, he is really upset right now, and I don't blame him. His cat, Jerry, accidentally turned. Turned on the sink while he was away in France for a funeral. He tweeted. I arrived from my uncle's. I arrived home from my uncle's funeral to find four of my five story brownstone under three feet of water. Everything I own destroyed. Every wall, piece of artwork, personal photos, furniture. All because my cat accidentally turned on a sink a few days ago while we were gone. A few days ago. Muniz, who co stars, who co host Dancing with the Stars Junior says he, quote, cried more yesterday and today than I have in my whole life combined. I know that this sounds ridiculous, but I swear it's true. You wouldn't believe the destruction. I think we have a picture of it, but you can't see much. But that's his girlfriend tweeting that they're about to rip out all the walls and all the ceiling because of the mold and all the risks.

[A]

Water's a weird one. We use it for so much, and yet it causes so much destruction, too. Like it just ruins everything. And it's so weird because you're washing off your vegetables, you're washing yourself off. Like you're washing your car.

[C]

Like you're.

[E]

You're.

[A]

You always wash. Wash your socks. You know, wash, wash, wash. And then when the water gets loose in your house, oh, everything's ruined.

[F]

I thought you were gonna more take the cats are assholes angle. Cause that's my takeaway from this story. Well, it's like, don't you have a cat? Water is destructive. Yeah. Have somebody come by and check on your dickhead cat that turns the water on.

[A]

I feel like the dog did it. He's blaming the cat because my dog loves swimming pools and loves water. Cats hate water. Wouldn't make sense for a cat to flood itself.

[F]

Yeah, but dogs can't get their paws to do that stuff when cats, they

[D]

get bad at it.

[F]

Absolutely. Since cats do that kind of thing.

[G]

Yeah.

[A]

Jeff Rutledge, two suit Sugar bowl appearances. That's my dog in a fountain. There's a church by my house that has a fountain my dog just climbs into when I walk it. And like, last time I did it, the two guys who were in charge of the church or the fountain just went, hey, you gotta get your dog out of there. And I was like, yeah, he doesn't. He doesn't listen. He's 110 pounds, and he doesn't listen to anything I say. So he's got to stay in the fountain until he's ready to leave.

[C]

The fountain that propelled home is being destroyed. Christy texted a picture of the bricks. You want to say what they're doing to the podcast?

[A]

Yeah, one second. Two Sugar bowl appearances. Two SEC championship, mvp, super bowl, all SEC honors. Sorry. Yeah, Sugar Bowl.

[D]

So why Sugar Bowl?

[C]

Sugar bowl is in New Orleans.

[D]

Oh, which one's the Hawaii one?

[F]

Auch or Aloha Bowl? Yeah.

[D]

Yeah. All right, let's see this destruction.

[F]

I'm the last guy that should answer

[A]

that, but somehow we're pulling up all the bricks along the side of your house.

[C]

It could be worse.

[A]

Replacing it could be a lot worse. Yeah. Could be cement. I mean, if it was cement, you'd have to get a jackhammer out. All right, let me tell you about simply safe and then more Rutledge.

[D]

Rutledge.

[A]

Jeff, let's talk. Big fan of Simplisafe. Home security prepared for everything. I don't know if they can help you with gas leaks, but if a storm takes out your power, your phone line gets cut, keypad gets destroyed. Simplisafe is Ready. They'll get you the help you need. Maybe you don't need to be ready for the worst case scenario, But SimpliSafe is two eyes in there. By the way, what makes Simplisafe so great? It's always ready. It's like lunch meat. It's always ready. Just 1499amonth. No contracts, no hidden fees. I have it. Max Apata has it.

[D]

I have it.

[A]

Gina grad has it. Dawson has it. Dawson had it in his apartment. Then he moved and he took his Simplisafe system with him. Get it up and running in under an hour. Peel and stick batteries last up to 10 years. I recommend Simplisafe to everyone I know. Go to simplisafe.com Adam that is simplysafe.com Adam. All right, Gina, what else?

[D]

Well, since we're talking about water damage, I'd be remiss if I didn't bring this up. Maybe we could put this on the website because it is. It is destructive. Part of the Canary Islands has been devastated by the worst storm in 40 years. According to the sun.com towering 40 foot waves.

[A]

I love big waves.

[D]

We're watching it now. Slam the Spanish islands Saturday night, blowing a 70 year old tourist off the pier. Catapulting car sized boulders onto the roads. And you'll see more waves coming now. Dozens of residents and vacationers were evacuated. 12 bars, restaurants, shops, all decimated. Meanwhile, cleanup efforts are being hampered by waves that are up to 16ft as a yellow alert for high seas remain in place for most of the island. And this thing is just coming up. How many, I mean, how many stories

[A]

crazy big waves are? The 40 foot waves are the biggest, best. Everything big in the ocean is awesome. Like octopi waves, seahorses, giant seahorses. Seahorses are bigger. Pack of matches, right? Like are they. Are they medium sized?

[C]

What's the largest seahorse?

[A]

Chris, find it. But not Aquaman. Can't be as animated one. Jesus.

[C]

In the movie it's going to be a dragon.

[A]

He's going to ride a dragon? Yeah, that's what they're saying underwater.

[C]

Yeah.

[G]

So that.

[C]

That's his creature he's riding. So he's gonna have his creature, but it's not technically a seahorse. They're calling it a dragon.

[A]

Wait, hasn't there already been an Aquaman movie?

[F]

It's coming soon.

[C]

He was in Justice League.

[A]

Oh, oh, that's that guy.

[F]

Jason Momoa.

[A]

Yeah. So it's a. Yeah, no, he's dreamy. But wait a minute. A dragon's only real power is blowing fire. Right.

[C]

Flying.

[D]

Yeah, but so how does underwater help either, though?

[A]

0 for 2 underwater. Right.

[F]

The dragon thing I'm kind of bummed about. I'm gonna go online and get into some fights.

[C]

They're calling it a sea dragon, if that helps.

[D]

It does not help.

[A]

You can't just put the word sea in front of shit and put it in the ocean and have.

[F]

Sea dragon wouldn't be any better either.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And the largest seahorse, 34 centimeters.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[E]

Oh, wow.

[A]

It's the size of your palm. All right. No way. I cannot Aquaman ride a seahawk. That's fake. I say it's fake.

[F]

Well, he turns tiny.

[A]

It's been cooked. The animation's been cooked. Yes. All right, let's do one more.

[D]

All right. Well, USA Today reports that Nissan Motor Company's chairman, Carlos Ghosn, was fired and arrested Monday.

[A]

Why?

[D]

After an internal probe found he underreported his salary and for other financial violations, including the personal use of company assets. Nissan said in a statement that Ghosn will be would be dismissed after an internal probe based on a whistleblower report that found he falsified reports.

[A]

Internal probe sounds like. No, nothing you'd want to be on the business end of being internally probed. Yeah.

[D]

For many years.

[A]

I know this guy well.

[D]

He's. He's Brazilian born, 64. There's a picture of him and his cohort. Something Kelly went down down, too. Specifically, Nissan said he's accused of reporting compensation amounts in the Tokyo Stock Exchange securities report that were less than the actual amount in order to reduce the disclosed amount of his compensation. So just fudging the numbers a little bit, and now he's getting arrested. But he was on the forefront of a lot of stuff. He's a big figure, apparently, globally in the auto industry. He was an early advocate of electric cars, autonomous and driverless vehicles, and for integrating communication capabilities with smartphone technologies for the connected car.

[A]

But I think the Nissan Leaf, I think that's one of the cars, one of the many cheap cars you couldn't drive away with with the key fob on the tire. I drove away with my wife's Tesla with the key fob on the tire because somebody left it like, I'll put the keys on the tire. It's basically the car equivalent to, I'll put the extra key under the mat. As a thief, why don't you just lift the mat and go, there's the key.

[F]

Drive over it and then destroy it and then the car stop.

[A]

Actually, worse. I drove over it. I destroyed it. But the car never stopped. I drove my kids to their school, and then I drove home, and then I stopped and then I tore the car apart looking for the key fob.

[F]

Right.

[A]

And then everyone tweeted me how this car cost $100,000. And everyone tweeted me and they're $28,000 car. This wouldn't happen.

[F]

Right.

[A]

Which makes the guy spend 100 grand. Feel awesome about it. Was it. Do we have that dream yet?

[D]

Says to compare with your Tesla, my 2018 Nissan Leaf, full electric like yours won't start with the fob on the wheel outside the car.

[A]

This is. I'm going to.

[F]

I'm going to go ahead and you see Elon Musk.

[D]

Well, sternly worded tweet.

[A]

My favorite car color combination is a white exterior and a red interior. It's magical. It just. It looks incredible on any car. And when my wife AMC Pacer came home, well, it would be. It would. It would make it better. Now. She came home with a white interior and a white exterior. And I said, why didn't you get a red interior? It's so much cooler. And she said, they don't offer it. And then they started offering it a few months later.

[E]

Later.

[A]

But between not offering the red and starting the car up and taking off with the key fob, Elon should spend a little less time tunneling under the Santa Monica mountains and a little more time on his vehicle. And whenever you look at a white Tesla X with that red interior, it just looks fucking stunning. Right?

[C]

It's boss.

[A]

It's boss.

[F]

Yes.

[A]

Tara Page from junior high. You know what else? My kids are in junior high and they're not miserable at all.

[D]

I get it.

[C]

I know. I hate that.

[A]

I hate that, too. They're in the seventh grade and they're like, happy.

[C]

Life's supposed to suck.

[F]

Well, they go to private school or public school.

[A]

No, they go to public school, but it's like they go to a good public school and the kids are all nice and it's like. It sucks, you know? And I feel helpless. I'm hope. What can you do? Don't jinx. Don't jinx it. Don't jinx it from your mouth. Fingers crossed to God's ears. All right, let me tell you about Castroleum Castle edge heat friction viscosity breakdown. Rob your engine. Maximum performance friction results in loss performance up to 10%. Castrol Edge engineered with fluid titanium technology, physically transformed. So be stronger under pressure. Helps fight friction, deliver maximum Levels of performance for your car. Three times. Three times, fool. Stronger against viscosity breakdown than leading oils. It is Castrol Edge. All right, one more, Jean.

[D]

All right, well, this is to your point that you make often. Adam, don't, don't feel too guilty if you're one of those moms who cleans the baby's pacifier with her own saliva. When it falls on the floor, you just kind of dip it in your mouth and give it to the kid. Because according to cnn, a new study suggests that a mother spit and the bacteria in it may help prevent allergies in young children. The research found lower levels of troublesome allergy causing protein in babies whose mothers reported sucking on the infant's pacifier, adding to a growing body of evidence that early exposure to microbes may prevent allergies in children altogether. And research has shown that people who live near livestock, those who avoid dishwashers, babies born through microbe filled vaginal canals instead of via C section, they're all less likely to develop allergies.

[A]

Listen, they just, people just tweet at me, oh, expose the kids to peanuts and it makes their peanuts out. We were wrong. Well, first off, we're wrong about everything all the, the time. The whole microbe germ thing, you know, take this wipe and Purell and everything. We will be, we're getting there. But when the dust settles, we will be as wrong as we were about the diet. If you eat a lot of grains and easy with the meats and easy with the fats and don't use butter, use margarine and don't use butter, use this canola oil like all the. Eat your local chips. Heart healthy, heart healthy stuff. Sweeten low. We turned out to be not just partially wrong. The fucking food pyramid was facing the wrong direction. It should have been capsized. We're fucking wrong about all of this stuff was all sent. You know, don't have a steak, have pasta, that's better for you. You're on a diet. Eat some for breakfast. Have some porridge and two pieces of wheat toast and spray some fake margarine butter on it. You know, whatever. We were wrong. We're way off on all the that shit and we will be way the fuck off on all this. And you're welcome, America. Cuz I've been fucking shouting about this for how long? Like when Purell started, I started yelling about it. It's a fucking waste of time. It's making everyone weak. Everyone's sick, everyone's getting sicker. Everyone's allergic to Something. Why is everyone allergic to something? We couldn't have physiologically change. It can't be bad for you to get germs, to have your mother's saliva on you, to have a dog or to be in the dirt or whatever. It has to be good for us. Otherwise it'd be a crue nature repelling an insane, cruel joke on everyone who came before us. Right. All right, so this is. This shall go down with the food pyramid.

[E]

Absolutely.

[A]

When we get a little bit of distance, that's how this is gonna go.

[D]

Yep.

[A]

Yes. Okay. Brian, how'd you lose so much weight?

[F]

Just walking and eating better. Really? Cause being on the road, the worst thing was the weekends. Winding up in the middle of nowhere and going to Steak n shake at 10 in the morning. Just cutting that out. Using hotel gyms was a big thing. And just getting off my ass, really.

[A]

So we always talk about it. Anyone who's ever really lost any weight and kept it off, it's always like, I stopped drinking soda and I started walking.

[F]

Soda was a huge thing for me too.

[A]

Yeah, it's true.

[F]

Soda and walking. My wife hates how much I initially lost, like, really quickly.

[A]

It's insane that there are 200,000 diet books when the diet book could be. Put down the soda and take a walk. Like, literally. Brian. Stores, everyone's stores. I just stopped drinking soda.

[F]

Just the whole thing, you fucking idiot.

[A]

Right.

[F]

Just. You know, portion control is an important thing.

[C]

It's always the obvious thing.

[F]

Yeah. And not eating at 2 in the morning is key.

[A]

Yes. All right. Should we bring it home? Gina Grad.

[D]

Bring it home. I'm Gina Grad, and that's the news.

[A]

Gina. Gina.

[F]

That was the news with Gina Green Grad.

[A]

The dishwasher. The dishwasher on that.

[D]

Avoid the dishwasher. I haven't had a dishwasher in so many years. I always live in very old houses, you understand?

[A]

I have to sit around all day and, like, hear people argue over whose turn it is to load the dishwasher and, like, unload the dishwasher. Meanwhile, I just pull, like, a fork out of the sink and I rinse it off, and I just use it. Like, I never. Or the coffee mug. I just, like, rinse it out. It's weird because I go, look, the knife's clean. There's nothing on the knife. I'm just going to go use a knife. And I'm like, that is. That's gross. That's gross. And it's like, I don't think it's gross. I think it's just. It was used earlier for something else and now it's been washed and now I'm going to use it. But don't you want it clean? And I'm like, it is clean. There's nothing on it. And then we get in an argument who's loading and unloading? And then you get into this, like, nether world of. And there's always. It's. It's my wife. And then Olga, who will not, you know, like, she'll go. She'll go, oh, God. You know when that smell that comes off a plate when it's not been. She'll go, oh, yes.

[E]

Oh, yes.

[A]

I'll go, no, no, it's not. You couldn't. We won't be. I'll tell you what, I'll rinse a plate and then we'll let it dry up top. And then you run, run through the dryer and I'll mix them up and then we'll see if we can tell. Like, all the people say they can tell what type of. Of vodka is which, and you'll never tell, but it's always loaded up. It seems like such a weird calorie burn, too. Like, so much energy steaming the water and everything. Like, why don't you just use your plate and then just rinse it off and put it in the rack?

[D]

I'm with you. It's what I do.

[A]

How do we get married to all this stuff? I don't know.

[C]

People think of, like, utensils. Like, you're performing surgery with them, so you have to sterilize it.

[A]

Just give it a rinse, wife if

[C]

it has some food.

[A]

But it's weird that we went from didn't exist, like shampoo and all the scrubs and everything, like 2 million years of not existing to it does exist. And now you're gross if you don't use it, or you're a maniac if you don't use a washing machine. But washing machines never existed. Now they exist. And it's like, you're gross if you don't use it. They've been around for 20 minutes. Like, why just washing the sink. Max value. You're with me on this one, right?

[C]

Yeah, totally. I don't have a dishwasher, so I don't even get to experience.

[D]

Weigh in.

[A]

Yeah. All right, let's bring it home. All right, let me tell you, last but not least, BetOnline AG Sportsnet challenge. So much fun. If you want to get involved in 1, 2, go ahead, join the betonline ag pick em where you could win 25,000 bucks. Use the code podcast1 receive 50% welcome bonus. I need your help making my picks. Send them in because every week I win. I'll give five of you $100 worth of credit on BetOnline AG Brian 150

[C]

over the last three weeks. That's five weeks of 5.

[A]

0.

[C]

That's 15 people who are getting 5 or getting $100 each. Thanks to me, the streak is over. The streak came to a disgusting end this week. I went two and three. Oh, rough one. Rough one. Made bad calls on the Chargers, the Cardinals, and the Falcons. So I'm still sitting at 40 and 14 on the year, which is pretty darn good. But it's going to take a late charge to get to the end. Follow the action at podcast one sportsnet challenge.

[A]

The podcast one sportsnet.com thank you. Yeah, Chargers. That was a tough one.

[C]

That was brutal. We both lost that one.

[A]

Charger fan.

[C]

You went three and two, we should point out.

[A]

All right, you go to Corolla Drinks Christmas crate. You can have yourself a nice gift at Corolla Drinks. Say hi to Lynette over there. You can go to amcarolla.com and find out where we are and where we're at. Gonna be live shows and cruises and all that. Brian Posayn Forever Nerdy. Available now at Amazon. And dates coming up, wise guys. Salt Lake City and JR's Last Laugh in Erie, Pennsylvania. So go to. Where should we go to find live dates? Brianpustine.com and find out what Brian's gonna be doing. Stand up, you guys. Stick around for good sports with Shaq. And until next time, this is Adam Carl for Willie Robertson. Brian Posein. Gina Grandbaugh. Brian Sane. Mahalo.

[F]

You Posein.

[B]

All right, this is Adam Cooler Show 24:57 with nerdwalking with Brian Posein. A classic bit they've been doing all the way since 2006. Until next time, mahalo.

[A]

And get it on.

[E]

Sam.