Brian Whitman + Tim Allen (Carolla Classics)

Summary

Adam Carolla Show – Carolla Classics: Brian Whitman + Tim Allen
January 10, 2026

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Episode Overview

This Carolla Classics episode features two standout segments from the Adam Carolla Show archives:

1. A 2017 episode featuring comedian and radio personality Brian Whitman
2. A 2017 conversation with actor and comedian Tim Allen

Both segments are packed with Adam’s signature comedic rants, candid cultural observations, and deep-dive interviews into both guests’ personal and professional lives. The show balances its comedic banter with moments of insight into careers in broadcasting, comedy, Hollywood, and personal development. Gina Grad and “Bald” Brian Bishop join Adam across both segments, providing their trademark comic timing and panel energy.

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1. Brian Whitman Segment

Key Topics & Discussion Points

Fast Food Rants & Everyday Frustrations

• Adam kicks things off (02:42) with a relatable rant about the shortcomings of Americanized sushi, customization requests at restaurants, and how basic instructions so often result in disappointment.
  • He laments, humorously, the futility of asking for “no sauce” on sushi:

    "Not only does it nullify the flavor, it also flies in the face of why you're ordering sushi." – Adam (08:22)

  • The discussion expands to fast food experiences and how even minor special requests ("no secret sauce") are usually disregarded—often with hilarious consequences.

The Dignity of “Getting It Done"

• Adam shares frustrations about people botching simple instructions, both at work and in daily life, using sports metaphors and tales of production errors (12:17–20:28):
  • "There are people's inability to absorb basic, common requests. Not even exotic stuff, just basic things." – Adam (20:28)

Family & Financial Upbringing

• Adam explores the lack of money conversations in his upbringing (22:12), referencing tools like “Allowance Manager” apps, and how different his experience was:
  • “There is this thing. It's the one thing everyone relies on... It's called money... And my parents never told me a thing about it.” – Adam (23:19)

Classic Radio Stories & Morning Zoo

• Adam and Brian reminisce about local radio traditions and the outdated logic of “local talent” requirements. Whitman’s impressions and history with LA radio are highlighted, including:
  • Disputes over syndication vs. “local” hosts (51:30–54:41)
  • Stories about how “talent” has often been overlooked for “localness”—with comic exaggeration.

Calls & Crowd Work

• A highlight is when listeners call in:
  • Suggestions for NFL changes (name-that-tune-style kicker competition) (36:23–38:43)
  • Questions about Brian Bishop’s experience on “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?” and his speech recovery (47:00–47:56)
  • Discussion on the Harvey Weinstein scandal and Hollywood abuse of power (44:05–46:42)

Whitman’s Impressions & Strip Club DJ Bit

• Whitman displays his comedic skill via rapid-fire impressions of LA radio personalities and a hilarious mock strip-club DJ routine.
  • “Now, what I love about her routine here is that she does all five vowels. She does the A, the E, the I, the O, the U. And if she feels in the mood, sometimes Y.” – Brian Whitman, as strip club DJ (79:13)

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2. Tim Allen Segment

Key Topics & Discussion Points

Car Talk & Automotive Obsessions

• Adam and Tim bond as car guys, discussing everything from classic Jags converted to electric vehicles (83:40–84:55) to the importance of companies honoring their automotive heritage.

Pixar, Animation, and Evolution of Story

• Deep dive into Tim Allen’s experience voicing Buzz Lightyear (86:14–89:12)

  • The challenges of voice acting solo, without other actors in the room
  • The evolution of digital animation and initial skepticism from “old guard” animators

  "Old school animators went, 'No one's going to buy this. It looks terrible. It's too clear, it's too crisp.'" – Tim Allen (86:15)

  "Pixar films should be studied in every film school because of the story. The stories are so insanely good." – Adam (85:33)

The Value of “Getting It Done” People

• Praise for Kevin Hench (producer on “Last Man Standing”) and the rarity of genuinely competent people who can execute projects (90:23–91:44)

LA Bureaucracy and Urban Decay

• Adam and Tim vent about LA’s street woes—uprooted sidewalks, illegal dumping, and the bureaucratic hurdles to fixing them (91:01–94:12)
  • “We have one root ball grinder for the whole city of Los Angeles. That is it.” – Tim Allen (91:44)
  • “Parking enforcement? We're insane about it. But trash or mattresses on the street, good luck!” – Adam (93:23)

“Last Man Standing” Cancellation and Industry Politics

• Tim addresses rumors about the show’s politically motivated cancellation, describing the lack of transparency and the impact on cast and crew (96:15–97:32)

Tim Allen’s Redemption: From Prison to Comedy Stardom

• Allen shares his personal journey, including serving prison time for drug offenses and finding motivation through reading, goal-setting, and humor (98:32–103:29)
  • “Prison saved my life. It was either that or the military.” – Tim Allen (100:14)
  • On using humor as a lifeline, even in the toughest situations (102:20)

The Origin of Tool Guy Persona

• The story behind Tim Allen’s breakout “Tool Guy” character and how it morphed from a standup bit to TV superstardom (106:24–111:11)
  • “All the men in the room were grunting, and I realized I had a hook.” – Tim Allen (107:50)

Hollywood, Originality, and Ownership

• Discussion of the murkiness of joke ownership and how TV writing credits can supersede the contributions of stand-up comedians (111:22–111:56)

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Memorable Quotes

• “Born to be annoyed. That’s going to be the name of my next book.” – Adam Carolla (27:49)
• “You need a job. That’s number one. All guys need a job. And a lot of women need a job too... If you take people and they don’t have jobs in the society that we’ve created...you start spiraling fast.” – Adam (40:47)
• “Every male between 18 and two weeks after they die wants to fuck hot 22-year-old starlets.” – Adam, on Hollywood abuse (45:12)
• “If you cannot harness horny and use it for good, well, you’re going to have a hard time.” – Adam (131:05)

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Notable & Humorous Moments (with Timestamps)

• Sushi Rant and Relationship Play-by-Play: Adam’s detailed breakdown of the couple’s sushi ordering disaster (02:42–15:17)
• Strip-Club DJ Impression: Whitman’s hilarious (and extended) strip club DJ routine (75:50–81:16)
• Pixar and Buzz Lightyear Stories: Tim Allen explains what it’s really like recording for Toy Story (83:40–89:12)
• Tim Allen on Reclaiming Life through Comedy: The honest and funny recount of Allen’s prison stint, and how humor saved him (98:32–103:29)
• Ownership of Joke Material: Allen’s surprise at discovering that TV writers “own the grunting” (111:22–111:56)
• Calls about NFL Kickers, Harvey Weinstein, and Brian Bishop’s Tumor: Listeners’ questions prompt sincere, funny, and occasionally dark discussions (36:23–47:56)
• LA Street Trash and Bureaucracy Riffs: Adam and Tim play verbal ping-pong over the absurd state of LA’s urban issues (92:22–95:21)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| Time | Segment / Topic | |-----------|------------------------------------------------------------------| | 02:42 | Sushi rant & frustrations with “no sauce” orders | | 15:15 | Relationship recap — handling takeout order mistakes | | 22:12 | Allowance Manager & childhood financial education | | 36:23 | Listener call: NFL kicking contest idea | | 44:05 | Harvey Weinstein, Hollywood and abuse of power | | 47:00 | “Who Wants to be a Millionaire”/Brian Bishop’s speech recovery | | 79:13 | Whitman as strip club DJ (impressions/skit) | | 83:40 | Tim Allen joins: Cars & gadgets, “heritage” in auto design | | 86:14 | Pixar voiceover process — Buzz Lightyear | | 91:01 | LA infrastructure complaints (root balls, mattresses, trash) | | 96:15 | “Last Man Standing” cancellation — politics or business? | | 98:32 | Tim Allen: prison, self-improvement, comedy origin | | 107:50 | The invention of “Tool Guy” | | 111:22 | Stand-up material and TV writers’ ownership | | 116:44 | Jimmy Kimmel’s son's surgery & Jimmy Kimmel Live guest hosts | | 117:57 | Kevin Spacey, House of Cards, family scandals | | 128:51 | Facebook and “fall relationship” stats, horniness, #MeToo | | 131:05 | “Harnessing horny” – sexual appetites and cultural change |

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Tone & Style

The episode is unapologetically candid, irreverent, and self-deprecating—filled with Adam’s signature rants and quick-witted banter from every guest. Despite the comedy, there are genuine moments of insight, especially around Tim Allen's recovery, the quirks of LA life, and the underbelly of show business. The guests and hosts maintain a conversational and relatable feel, blending storytelling, satire, and honest observation throughout.

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For New Listeners

This Carolla Classics episode captures the heart of what makes The Adam Carolla Show a mainstay: sharp comedic takes on everyday life, behind-the-scenes glimpses into entertainment, and a willingness to toss aside taboos for real conversations. Whether you’re interested in radio, comedy, or just a unique perspective on modern living, there’s something here for everyone.

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End of Summary

Transcript

[Giovanni]

Welcome to Corolla Classics. I'm your host superfan Giovanni. This is the podcast. We play the best moments, highlights and fan selected clips from all 16 years of the Adam Corolla show, we have a companion podcast titled Coral Classics. You can find the ad free archives exclusively available through Podcast one. And if you'd like to access the ad free archives of the Adam Carolla show, The Adam and Dr. Drew show and wish to get access to the brand new podcast Beat it out, make sure to check out Adam Corolla's substack adamcorla.substack.com and if you'd like to request a clip, please email us classicsamcarolla.com We've been getting a lot of requests for clips from Loveline and the Adam Carolla show that aired on kayla sex from 2006 to 2009 that immediately preceded the podcast. While we can't play any of that content here in Cruella Classics unless it was actually played on the Adam Crolla show podcast and the commentary was done over it. So there are some select clips from time to time you will hear. Other than that we can't like play some of those infamous moments, infamous quote unquote Holocaust call where they talk to the phone sex operator with Tom Arnold. That comes up a lot. The Ann Coulter stuff from the morning show in 2006 comes up a lot.

[Brian Whitman]

Overall.

[Giovanni]

The whole entire 2006 cast of the morning show comes up for people who do want to hear that stuff and want updates on it. I do remaster both of those shows completely separately from as a labor of love. If you want to check out and get updates on how to get access to all this stuff for free, go to patreon.com Giovanni you don't need to sign up. It's just a blog I use to update whenever I'm remastering these shows from the best quality files I can find. So if you want that stuff, it's out there but can't play it in Cruel Classics. Alright, let's get to the clips. Coming to the first day we have Adam Carla Show 2185 featuring Brian Whitman, Gina Grad and Brian Bishop coming to us from 2017. Brian Whitman of course from his time on air with Tim Conway Jr. Conway Whitman. I think that proceeded after the show preceded which was Conway and Steckler. They have a long history with Brian Whitman from the KLSX days. Gina worked on that show. That's how she knows Brian very very well and that's how she got to know the guys for this show, not Carolla show, and Brian used to come on and do impression of evil Tom Lykis, which was just basically Tom Lykis with more exaggerated laugh and kind of a better delivery. Of course, back in the day, he was banned from continuing to do that show because Tom was also on Kayla Sex, and he was quite upset at the impression and how funny it was, which coincided with Tom kind of losing his voice and his delivery. I always thought it'd be much smarter if he would just employed Brian Whitman to impersonate him and get him to host his show for him and split the money. We might hear some evil Tom like this on this episode. Let's find out.

[Adam Carolla]

Good day, Gina Graham. Good day to you, Handballed Brian.

[RJ Bell]

Legend.

[Adam Carolla]

That is Brian Whitman. All right, that's great, Gary. Remember I said, let the Boston play for 30 seconds. Nah, he did. That was my bad. All right. It's an interesting life. It'll bring me right to my first thing, which is I ordered some sushi last night. So here's the. Here's the thing. I have thoughts on things.

[RJ Bell]

What?

[Adam Carolla]

I have thoughts subtitle of the show. I have thoughts on things. And I convey those things to people. And they. They're sort of. Sometimes they do it and sometimes they don't. That's basically it. But I have very specific thoughts on things. And for instance, there's a sushi joint very close, very convenient. It's fine. It's not great. But I realized that. And you guys tell me if this makes any sense to you, and maybe it's a horrible American thing, but, you know, we say we like sushi, but I don't really think it's a traditional Japanese version of sushi. As a matter of fact, if you go to a real sushi place at some point, you're like, I will blow somebody for a kernel of rice. I will blow. I've been eating eel. Live eel. I've been eating live eel for the last two hours. Like, can I get a. Can I get a speck of rice? And like, that's. That's. We eat the live eel. You can start from the middle. You start. You don't have to keep getting bit in the head. And it's like, no, that's. That's what sushi is. And we figured it out where we keep adding rice and we keep adding avocado, we keep adding cream cheese and.

[RJ Bell]

Rolls are the very Americanized version.

[Adam Carolla]

This place does this thing, which drives me insane. And it's the same thing they do The American version of it is, like, when you go, like, they start ladling on the cheese to everything. Like, you go, give me the chili cheese fries. They go, all right. And they give you the chili and the cheese, and then they spoon. They drown it in liquid fake gu cheese, and it tastes like shit now. And I wish they would have said it because I was picturing cheddar cheese.

[RJ Bell]

Sprinkled over the top, gently melting.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? So here's how it goes. And you guys tell me if you've been here before. They make a roll that I like, which is like a. It's kind of a cop. It should just be called the cop out role or the Round eye roll Ugly American roll. But it's a tempura, which I love. I'm such a sucker for tempura. It's a tempura shrimp roll. And it's basically tempura shrimp and a roll. Again, it's a lightweight roll, but it's good. But the problem is, is they take the squirt bottle with the juice that Vinnie hates.

[RJ Bell]

Mayonnaise juice.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. There's two versions. They have the weird mayonnaise Thousand island stuff, and they just have the glaze, right? And then they have the brown glaze, and it starts to emulsify, and then the whole thing falls apart, and you can't pick it up. It falls apart, and then it just tastes like brown glaze, sugar glaze. And so, A, you can't pick it up without it falling apart. But, B, you've kind of removed the. I'm in the mood for something light. I'm kind of watching the calories a little. I want something a little clean because it's drowning in syrup.

[Brian Whitman]

Yeah.

[RJ Bell]

Syrup and rice is the two dominant, you know, flavors and ingredients at that point.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Battered and fried fish last night. But all I'm saying is, can we get a system in place? Like when I say to Gary, hey, Gary, I'm writing. I'm on the phone with him seven minutes ago. And I'm like, gary, when he plays that Boston song, he's going to want to cut it off right at the end and start thinking, let it go. Let it go for 30 seconds. Do you understand what I'm saying? And then I have to get super condescending and stupid, tell me what I'm saying. He's going to talk up the beginning of the song, then he's going to let it run for 30 seconds. Yeah. But not the beginning of song into the lyrics for 30 seconds. Understood? Boom. Go ahead. 12 minutes later, cuts off at the 8 second mark. He did tell me. I did it. I get it. No, every. Lynette told the sushi guy last night, like, there's something going on. I'm just. I. So I say to Lynette, like, you know, what are you in the mood for? I don't know. She does the thing I like. Women are allowed to speak like insane maniacs all the time. Like, she goes. She goes, I'm in the mood for something light. And I go, okay. And then she goes, I'm craving el pollo loco. And I'm like, that's the opposite of light, but okay, let's get a porrido. Burritos. Yeah. All right. So I said, why don't we get sushi? And here's how we're gonna do it. I'm gonna go to the gym a block away. We're gonna time it. You're gonna call it in, you know, 10 minutes to 7. I will then go pick it up at 7. Then we have this conversation. Cause we have to have it a lot, but it's important when you're a couple. Whose name you putting it under? Oh, yeah, Whose name? Whose name? And I said, no, just put it under your name. She's like, they don't do well with the Lynettes over the house.

[Gina Grad]

She has a point, right?

[Adam Carolla]

So I said, all right, well, put it under my name. Puts it under my name. All right, so get the spicy shrimp roll, and then get the tempura shrimp roll. Hold on. No sauce. None of that squeezy gooey. Ruin it. And again, not only is completely nullify the flavor of it, it also, it kind of stands. It flies in the face of why you're ordering sushi.

[Gina Grad]

It's kind of junky junk food, right?

[Adam Carolla]

And also, sushi is kind of. You're there to experience the nuance, not drown yourself in corn syrup and fake. Fake hickory flavor. But also, once again, once it sits in the container, the styrofoam container, it literally sucks it up from the bottom up. And then it falls apart. You try to pick it up, and what you end up with at the it is a bunch of broken open sushi and a bunch of rice with teriyaki sauce. And now either you get the fork out or whatever it is. So I say definitely tell them no on it. None of it. None of your liquid sugary jizz. Just don't do it. Yeah. And then I have. Then I do this one again. Okay, so let's recap. I don't know by the way, recap. Should happen a day later, not two. Two hummingbird heartbeats later. But that's how I have to go, so. Okay, what did I just say? All right, we're going to get the California, and we're going to get the spicy tuna roll. We're going to get teriyaki tempura. No sauce. No sauce. Okay, I'll pick it up after gym. Go to the gym. Go pick it up. The gym. You got to watch out with the gym. I realized because the gym has mirrors all over it. And if you. You know, there's that chick with the hot ass who's standing in the prone position doing the flies with the pulley thing, and you walk by her, and you stare at her ass. You go, all right? But then you look up, and she's staring into a mirror. She's staring straight into a mirror, and the reflection is you staring at the ass. It's a weird thing. It takes. It takes a little while for the male brain to work this out. Because if it's at the beach, she's looking at the ocean.

[Gina Grad]

Everybody wins.

[Adam Carolla]

It's win.

[RJ Bell]

The solution is their ass.

[Adam Carolla]

It's not worth it. You want to know why? I'll tell you why.

[RJ Bell]

Please.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm the most K guy in the room. Nobody's kier than me. I'm dripping and couth.

[RJ Bell]

I'm K. Vandross.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm Martin Kuther King.

[RJ Bell]

Good.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[RJ Bell]

John Belly camp. The dream is to not object my women.

[Adam Carolla]

When you run on that goddamn treadmill for 21 minutes and your head's a little light and you're sweaty, and you do the move where you just slide off the back, and you turn around and you spot that ass. You just go boom. Like you don't have a. You're not in your right way. You're just. It's. That's it. You turn around, you're staring at the yoga pants ass, and it's just, boom. It's just visual comfort food.

[RJ Bell]

It's like, this is what my. You can't get in.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't even think about it. You know what I mean? Just turn around, and it's like, hello. And it's like you're right there, and you can't even catch your. All right, so wait a minute. We got to come up with one more. Let's see.

[RJ Bell]

Oh, yes. Cooter from the wire.

[Brian Whitman]

Nope.

[Gina Grad]

You're a real couture.

[RJ Bell]

I'm stretching.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so I go the gym, and then I go pick up my sushi. Because we're eating light. And then I get home and Lynette's there. And then I open the container, and of course, it's covered in the gooey brown sauce. It's swimming in it. I'll show you a picture of it.

[RJ Bell]

As you observed, well, in the past, no sauce means extra sauce.

[Gina Grad]

That's not just sauce. That is, somebody hates you and they're trying to get back at you.

[Adam Carolla]

Someone spilled sauce. There is no. There is no. It's hard to spot the white rice. It's all brown because it's drank it all up. And by the way, there's more at the bottom. It's just drinking it up. So now you're at this zone. Now you're in this zone. You're a couple places. You've come to two places. Now, one is.

[RJ Bell]

John Wilkes Couth.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, Ms. Horrible Batting Average on things, I tell you. Did you tell this person that? I absolutely did. Okay, let's go to the tape. All right. All right. This would be easier if we had a long, unbroken record of. Of you executing what we've talked about. But you told him that. Yes. Yes, I did. For sure. Absolutely. Okay, so you definitely told him that. And Lynette was very adamant about it. So she was like, I absolutely. She was pissed. And I was reading off her that she definitely told him that. And then I realized, as we talk about. Nobody has a modality of not fucking up. They have got it, boss. Hang up the phone, pick it up again, and hear the order for extra brown sauce on the sushi. You don't. You need a modality. You need to do something. You just picking up the phone and going, gotcha. And then hanging up does not work. It doesn't work in anything. It just doesn't. You need a modality. So now. And you got. This has to be, like, the greatest couples argument slash dilemma ever, which is. All right, now we're here. We have our sushi dripping in the shit. We didn't want our fucking sushi dripping in the shit. Of. Now Lynette can sort of eat it, but she doesn't like it very much either. What are our choices now? Should we take it back? That's getting back in the car. And then should we call them and order a new one and then leave in 10 minutes? Shall I eat the sushi? I can eat you.

[RJ Bell]

Break it open.

[Adam Carolla]

Do we just kind of do it? Oh, what do we. Would we pick this shit apart? Then you start getting. Now you're in some sort of strat of hell because you're saying things like, do you have the receipt? It's in the car, I think. Well, go get the receipt. Would it say on the receipt, I don't know. Should we call him? I shouldn't call. And then a weird. A weird dance of me going, it's fine. It's fine. Just forget it. Just moving on, and her going, yeah, but all you have is those dinky little, little spicy tuna rolls. That's fine.

[Paul]

Are you sure?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna call. I'm gonna. I'm going over there. No, don't go over there. No. Are you sure? It's okay. Well, wait a minute. I'm switching it out. This isn't right. Well, no, but call them. Well, then you should call them and tell them to make it. You shouldn't just go over there. Do we have to bring the old stuff back?

[Paul]

Oh, God.

[Adam Carolla]

What do you think this is a ruse where we ate the old stuff? Like, you should bring it. And then thoughts through my head, like, are they gonna eat it? Can they just throw it away? I don't want them to throw it away. And it's, like, back, and literally for the next half hour, it's like, are you sure? No, I'm fine. I feel bad. Why? So you shouldn't feel bad. It's not your fault. I know, but I feel bad. Are you sure? It's like, night ruin.

[Gina Grad]

Everyone just go to bed.

[Adam Carolla]

Just ruin. Right?

[RJ Bell]

It's like the other thing I think about a lot, which is we're either on the beach eating sushi, or you're out in the ocean swimming to get more sushi. But no, you're getting pounded by the surf, debating whether or not to eat sushi or get more sush.

[Gina Grad]

But in Lynette's defense, when it comes to veering from the flow chart, when you're making an order that is almost a zero percent that you're going to get what you asked for.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, it's not her fault. I'm saying that places, businesses, human beings need to have something in place. You need to have some system where you write no, whatever, and give it. And also seeing how people come in to eat sushi and you drown everything with a squirt bottle of goo, seems to me there's a fair number of people go, hold the sauce.

[Gina Grad]

Hold the goo.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold the goo.

[RJ Bell]

Especially regulars who've been burned before, you.

[Gina Grad]

Know, who's really good at this type of thing. I feel like fast food, because they're used to. Okay, yeah. And the no cheese and the no tomato, right? Okay, but like places where you pay another $5, they're not interested in modifying.

[Adam Carolla]

I will tell you, I hearkened back to my days making the Big Macs at the McDonald's with the. So funny. I remember the. They'd go, cheese. So they go. I think it was Big Macs. Count on Big Macs. Twelve, please. Cheese. Count on Big Mac cheese. Three, please. Burgers up. Wrap, please. That was always the. That was the lingo from behind the grill. Fancy, fancy lingo. But I will tell you this. Every time you ordered a Big Mac with no secret sauce, if you open the bun, you'll find it where they scraped it off. Because you cannot tell a retarded 16 year old to stand there with a caulking gun with secret sauce and do 722 buns a day. You know, but not that long. Lay it, lay it up. All you do is like, you cannot stop. You can't stop. And you hit it. And then at some point they go, the guy had a grill order of no. And you're like, oh. And you. You like, take a playing car and you scrape it. You scrape it off. So if you're. If you're allergic to secret sauce, you may die, but if you don't just like the way it tastes, you'll do. You'll do. Okay. All right. Yes.

[Gina Grad]

You know who is notorious for getting their fast food order and sitting in the car with a line backing up behind them, honking, making sure that their order is specifically the way they wanted?

[Adam Carolla]

Brian Whitman.

[Gina Grad]

Y. I'm sure he can expound on that.

[Adam Carolla]

He talks a lot about fast food. All right? And listen, it's fine. I'm talking to Gary. The moral of the story is I should have checked it. Because if you check a. If you say something, it's a weird thing. You never check it because it feels weird. Because they do the move where they just hand you the bag and they go, here you go. And they start sort of pushing you out the door, and you're a weirdo if you start opening it up also.

[RJ Bell]

No, no, no, hold on.

[Brian Whitman]

It's worth it.

[Adam Carolla]

Trust me. Right, Right. You're basically going, you're welcome. But I don't trust you assholes. So I'm gonna just put it down on the bench over here and start taking this thing apart because I don't trust you. Yes. All right. But again, everybody half a. As just the phone cord, the charger cord I pulled out of my car the other day, I took it on the road with me. It ended up in my backpack. It's not in my car anymore. I got a new cord and it was over at the other shop and I plugged it in and I forgot it and it was no big deal, but I was over there on Saturday and guess who had the cord threaded through the loop of his key ring? Me. Because I don't. I need a modality for not screwing things up. But I've also realized it's a world we live in where I've said many times, you just tell people in the huddle, you go 10 yards, cut hard, sprint out to the left, and I'll hit you on the outside shoulder, right at the sideline. And you'll just watch that guy's ass doing a banana into the end zone. Running, by the way, to the pylon you're running away from. And when they come back, you go, what happened? And they go, I don't know, man. The guy was shading me on the inside, on the outside. And you go, but how's that going to work? And they go, I don't know. There's a lot of like, way, way too much of it. Just way too much of it. I Listen. I've had 372 conversations about coffee mugs with coffee in the bottom with sane people who work for me in both shops. Like. Like, I haven't had nine conversations. I've had 128 conversations. It's just weird, the people's inability to just absorb what would be called, like basic, common just requests. Not I get the exotic stuff's a little weird, but basic common stuff.

[Gina Grad]

Rinse.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, I'll tell you guys about the Real Estate and Wealth Expo that is coming to Los Angeles for two days, November 4th and the 5th at the convention center, the LA Convention Center. I was just in the car with little Sonny Bunny and he was pumped. He's like, when are we gonna talk to Sylvester Stallone?

[Gina Grad]

When's that Cobra seminar?

[Adam Carolla]

When's that Cobra? They're not calling it that, but I will. Soon. Tony Robbins is gonna be there. He's gonna conduct a three hour sales and peak performance training expose. Others include Magic Johnson, the aforementioned Esther Stallone. Suze Ormann's going to be there. I think she's going to be on Take a Neat. Coming up too. I'll be there teaching a class, how to make some money doing podcasting. Business people, entrepreneurs. Music superstar Pitbull is going to be there. He's going to motivate you at a genius talk and he's going to perform Live. Use the coupon code. Adam. Get tickets. Usually one, 49 bucks. Now just 49 bucks for two days. All right, so what do you do? It's going to sell out. Give them a call. 800-554-7474. Or go to realestatewealthexpo.com check it out. I'll be there. All right. Yes, Gina Gray.

[Gina Grad]

I understand there's some heavy hitters at this expo, but I got to tell you, the one that I would be most starstruck at, Suze Orman. She's a legend.

[Adam Carolla]

I want to know.

[Gina Grad]

She's amazing.

[Adam Carolla]

I want to get to the bottom of her because I. I haven't seen a lot, and I want to. First off, it's insane. I was screaming at Lynette last night.

[RJ Bell]

Free or post sushi.

[Gina Grad]

Just generally, she's got Gary.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know what that allowance monitor app is or whatever, but she's got this thing you can find out from Lynette. She's getting into this thing where. Where the kids have. It's like a website and an app. And you go, you got $100 balance on your Visa card, but you leave the lights on in your room. And you go to school, we deduct five bucks. But you take out the garbage, you get three bucks. Chores, and it's all on your account. And you get a straight. First off, you get the understanding that, hey, when I do my job, the count grows a little, and when I screw the pooch, it shrinks a little.

[Gina Grad]

You can see it in live time.

[Adam Carolla]

That's all you need as a kid. And then you get an idea of how to budget and how to save and all that kind of stuff. I was talking to Lynette last night. I was like. Never had a discussion with anyone in my family about money ever. Like, my mom thought money was evil smart. Cause she never touched her.

[RJ Bell]

She quit it her whole life.

[Adam Carolla]

Welfare and food stamps and nothing. My dad was just sort of always living paycheck to paycheck, but he didn't have. He didn't have. He didn't have a credit card or anything, as far as I know. But no discussion about, like, investments or how the Wall street works. And forget about high end stuff. Just sort of basic checking account and balancing your checking account, putting money away or what it might be like to invest in maybe a piece of property or something. Just zero. Just fucking zero. Like, here's the thing. I'd like to explain to folks from another planet how fucked up my parents were. And most People's parents, which is. There is this thing. It's the one thing everyone relies on. It's not the one thing men rely on. It's not the one thing women rely on. There's many things that are sort of, well, the gynecologist for the ladies and male pattern baldness, that's for the fellows. This is the one thing that transcends all color, all religion, all race, all time. Just transcends everything. You need this thing. It's called money. There's little units of it. And if you can have those, then you can be safe. You live in a nice neighborhood with correlates directly safety. With a gated community, you can have a car with an airbag and a crumple zone. You can be comfortable. You can be comfortable. You have an air conditioning. There's so many things. And without it, without it, you could be sleeping on the street. You could be eating spoiled food from a dumpster. You could be stabbed by a junkie. And then, of course, the alien. It's called allowance manager, by the way. The alien would be like, how much time do you spend as a young person with your elders? Speaking of these units, is it your.

[RJ Bell]

Formative years is nothing but talk with.

[Gina Grad]

Us just 90% of the time?

[Adam Carolla]

Is it 90% of the time or is it 99% of the time? Obviously you talk about family or books or school 2% of the time. But must. Must all be. You must be consumed. And then once you go to school, must just be more. Talk about these units and how to collect them and how to save them and how to use them and how to. How to. You say you have to pay taxes on them, so there must be strategies discussed. It's like, yeah, Zoltar, zero with zero. We have zero discussion. And so is this when the child is severely disabled and can never leave them? No, no. I was kicked out when I was 19. With a pile of these units? No, with a lifetime of knowledge. Nothing. No units. No units. Just run. So you're able to live in an environment where they did not require you? No, they wanted units. Lots of them. The store wanted units. The gas station wanted units. The landlord wanted units. Everybody wanted units. The whores wanted units. I'll explain later. Everybody wanted units. I don't get how. What your parents. What kind of animals would they have to be? What kind of evil were they mad at units? It's like, what is wrong? What is wrong with us? You know, I had many more discussions with my mom about what we did to American Indians and Or slaves. Many more than how to make money or save money or what would be wise to do with money. Many more discussions about slavery, for instance, which is really important for 19 year olds when they're working construction.

[RJ Bell]

You're a millionaire.

[Adam Carolla]

I literally have so many units. Okay, all right, let's see. We got Brian's here. We got some calls up top. Let's see, see. Oh, we got a Rich bank song we've been wanting to play for a long time. Have we? We played that?

[Gina Grad]

Not yet.

[Adam Carolla]

We have not played that yet. Let's play that. Oh, you know, I should tell everybody. The Bakersfield show at Tembler Brewing Company is now Friday. So if you're coming out, don't come Thursday, come Friday and hope, yeah, Brian's gonna be in San Francisco or something there. You there? Yeah. All right. God bless you. All right, so come on out and do that. I'll tell you more about why it got moved in a second, but it's.

[RJ Bell]

A last minute change. Must be a serious family issue.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I'm assuming it's pretty serious. It's very important. Go ahead, Gary. Sorry. Maybe I'm just ocd. It's a weird wiring. I think it's like I'm meant to be annoyed. Born to be annoyed. That's gonna be the name of my next book. Born to be Ann. He was born to be a no.1 he was born to be a no.1 it drives me insane. Born to be annoyed Born to be annoyed Born. Something happened with strip clubs and there's a problem now. Is there anything worse in la? Could it get worse in la? Here's a mud creamer and turn arrows. Trash filling up the streets in LA's downtown graffiti everywhere. Trash everywhere. His hypervigilance, it makes him notice everything. And then he went, went what is going on? Yes, he was born born Born to be annoyed. God damn it. What I do is I drive and I see. For the love of Christ. Between John Cougar fucking melon tamp, YouTube and Star Wars, I had no idea how much my life was going to be consumed with shit that I have no fucking interest in. What, you don't like caffeine?

[Paul]

You don't like coffee?

[Adam Carolla]

Off. Have a Snapple to be rich guy Staff complaining you? Yeah, rich banks, everybody. I'm guessing with assist Mike lynch in there.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, well, that was all your handiwork.

[RJ Bell]

Those clips really make it sing.

[Adam Carolla]

No pun intended.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Jesus Christ. Speaking of being annoyed, I'll find you. Somebody tweeted Rainn Wilson. I think tweeted me a clip of Mayor Garcetti is all I'm saying. He was talking about the Baja. Yeah, we're looking for it. It's the, like, Baja Reina Tribe or, I don't know, 200th anniversary of whatever.

[RJ Bell]

But hey, Baha Arena.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, something like that. We'll figure it out. I'll keep you posted. But here's all I'm saying. Thing. Does every goddamn fucking video post that asshole has to make, does it all have to. Do we all have to talk about diversity, or can we just talk about fucking traffic? Could there just be one? There was just like, hey, I'm at Mayor Gar City. We'll fucking fix this traffic problem and we'll clean up all the trash by the side of the freeway. And nothing about diversity. How about nothing about diversity? By the way, he's talking about diversity and homelessness in this video. So he's trying to say, hi, it's a 200th anniversary of either a guy or tribe, like, indigenous, whatever. But he's got to talk about how LA is the most diverse city in the world. And then Wenhua Duo Young seeing diversity, Chinese. Okay, here's the thing. Diversity is just a thing. It's not something to sing about. It's just a thing. Like Japan. Not diverse, by the way. It doesn't have a lot of garbage by the side of the fucking freeway. All right? Us, diverse, lot of garbage. Maybe it's not a good thing. I don't know. It just is. It's just a bunch of people from a bunch of different places. But he sings about, oh, the most diverse. And then he talks about. And of course, his number one job is the homeless problem. And here's the deal, Garcetti, thanks to you, L.A. has, and this is something I think we can boast about, the most diverse homeless population in the world. Yeah, one number one. I don't think anyone can be. You can go to. You can go to Japan, economy, San Francisco, go to Sweden, go to Iraq. I'm sure they have homeless people there, but they're not. Nearly as diverse is la. La. That's what you should ride on the fucking airport when we're going down the escalator and we see the. Welcome to la, home of the most diverse homeless population ever. And I mean it. In the history of the world. You can't go back to the homeless population in Persia a thousand years ago. No way. No way. You, my friend, are a hero because you have created the most diverse homeless population. You love diversity. You love homeless people. Let's Make a fucking peanut butter cup. You, Garcetti, have single handedly created the most diverse homeless population in the world. And for that, you should be saluted.

[RJ Bell]

I think we need to do song now.

[Adam Carolla]

Clean up some fucking garbage by the side of the freeway, bitch. Jesus goddamn Christ.

[RJ Bell]

Well, like you were saying with the aliens, like when they come down and they're like this thing that affects everyone, how come there's no talk about it? Like the. The traffic is literally something here in la. Granted, it's very specific for our audience, but it affects everyone universally. Everyone in Los Angeles effect is choking the city, it is crippling the city. And that's the least discussed problem.

[Gina Grad]

And it's the first thing an alien would notice.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[RJ Bell]

What are all these vehicles at? Wei said it would take me 45 minutes to get three miles.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So Garcetti, number one in traffic, number one in homeless diversity. Boy, you're going right to the governor's mansion. You were doing an awesome job. Fucking asshole. Just stop it. Just start talking about every. First off, I don't want to hear another speech that starts with, we are diverse. Through diversity we have strength. Through numbers and diversity, we find strength. If one person is let down, then we're all let down. We need to come together. We need to come together with unity. We need to come together with respect. We need to come together with diversity. Whether you be gay, whether you be straight, whether you be brown, whether you be white. We need to live in a culture that respects, respects and diversity is amongst the respect that we respect. We need to come together when we come together as one. From all different nations, from all ethnicities, from all backgrounds, from all sexual proclivities. We raise our city through the diverse, through the love, through the respect, through the understanding, through the mutual understanding, diversity and respect that we all, as Los Angeles, the City of Angels, we all have from one another through. Through this avalanche of diversity comes understanding, comes change, comes appreciation for diversity. Every socioeconomic strata, every color, brown, white, yellow, orange, purple, magenta, through a rainbow coalition of diversity, understanding and respect. I may not agree with everything you have to say, you may not agree with everything I have to say. But it is our mutual diversity, respect and love that brings us together with an open dialogue. The open dialogue that includes words like diversity, that includes words like even more diverse diversity, that includes inclusion and inclusions of diversity and inclusion of discussion of diversity. Where we come together, when we have an open dialogue, when we can come together and join hands. Whatever your color, whatever your race is, whatever your religion, Is it does not matter who you pray with. If we join hands and gather in a circle of diversity, in a spoken siren song of diversity, then we all rise together. Thank you. Jesus fucking Christ. That's every fucking speech that asshole makes. Just make something about fucking taxes or something. Something, would you?

[Gina Grad]

And that was right off the top of your head. He has writers.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, he doesn't need writers. Just tick, tick the fucking teleprompter. Just put diversity in 172 times. He's so fucking proud of himself. All right, where was him? I'm angry, furious. I don't want politicians making fucking species like wet nurses. Fucking talk about Paula like in policy. I want to hear some fucking policy. I want some ideas. I want some ideas. I want something. All right. Sorry, Tom. 31, Florida.

[Caller/Guest]

This is perfect timing. I guess you're all calm down.

[Adam Carolla]

Good man, good.

[Caller/Guest]

With the NFL season upon us, I just had a couple ideas. I know you played some ball and I played ball and I couldn't stand when we were all running sprints or doing our drills. The two kickers off to the side are joking around and just practicing dropping puns. So the first idea I had is football seems to be the only sport where you get to decide kind of who gets the ball first by randomness, by flipping a coin. So I think it should be that at the beginning of the game, the kickers get up there and basically play like a name that tune. I can hit a 54 yarder and then the guy can either let him try or go above them. And then whoever wins, they get to.

[Adam Carolla]

Start with the ball.

[Caller/Guest]

What do you think?

[Adam Carolla]

I love the name that tune thing because it's kind of interesting with kickers because if you say by modern kicking standards, and it depends if you're in Denver in a dome or whatever and all that I'll have to factor in. But you go start the ball on the 45, or let's say start on the 50. Everyone go, I think I'll take that. But not on the 50, but a 50 yard field goal, but you keep inching it back and it's kind of fun.

[RJ Bell]

Some points almost got to make that.

[Adam Carolla]

Kick and you do it as like a pre tape. You do it before the game. But we've decided like they'll do like they'll do in boxing, like we decided, you know, I told you the rules in the locker room. I went to each fighter's room and told them whatever. And that's you do it that way and be fun. Yeah. Then you earn, then you earn your kickoff or your decision to either receive or kick off. It does take the coin toss, the unsatisfying coin toss, and sometimes screwed up coin toss out of it. And it all sudden puts an even bigger premium on your kicker.

[RJ Bell]

Absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

And better yet, just like one time I was doing MTV football, whatever game, and Tony Saragusa, the goose Tony Saragusa, 340 pound guy, was booting like 55 yarders. This gives you the opportunity to have the one ringer lineman who just is all leg, like he, he can just kick it for 70 yards. You get that dude is going to be the dude, not the skinny side.

[RJ Bell]

Yeah, he's got distance, power.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, right. I like it.

[Caller/Guest]

Well, let's end on a good note. Ace, man, get your full force behind it. I mean, you're the only guy that can change things over there.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll talk to, I'll talk to Rich Eisen about it. I'll talk to Rich Eisen about it next time I see him. Rob, 36, Los Angeles. Yeah, hi.

[Caller/Guest]

How's it going?

[Adam Carolla]

Good, man.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah, I just wanted to say really quick, I've always loved you and you're very funny, a very smart guy. So I like you a lot for John Howard the other day, but I have a question pretty much about like all Republicans on how during the election they were so for Trump and you're Trump supporter, but there was none of, there was always a knee jerk reaction just to say he was like the best guy ever, instead of equally kind of say, both these people are kind of corrupt, but I want to vote for Trump for this, this, this. I thought it was just kind of a skewed conversation just to say this guy looks like the best.

[Adam Carolla]

You're breaking up a little. I'll say this, I'm an anti Hillary guy, not so much pro Trump, but I never liked Hillary. My feeling is, and I've always said it, I've said it for 20 years, I'm interested. I've realized, I've come to realize the most important thing you can have as a citizen of this country is not pride or diversity or open dialogue or an honest dialogue. You need a fucking job. Like that's number one. Number one, all guys need a job. And a lot of women need a job too. What I'm saying is, obviously Lynette, the kids and all that, she's fine without a job, but even she has a job. And I don't think she'd be happy without her job. If you take people and they don't have jobs in the society that we've created, which is essentially just job centric. Like, you need a job. China or Russia, I don't know, maybe you don't. El Salvador, I don't know if you need a job as badly. But here, definitely do. You need a job.

[RJ Bell]

And most healthcare comes from your employer.

[Adam Carolla]

If you don't have a job, you start spiraling pretty fast into like, anyone who's been out of work for a month knows that feeling of like, putzing around in their bathrobe and eating a donut for breakfast and seeing a matte movie when you shouldn't have.

[RJ Bell]

That's a big day.

[Gina Grad]

It's very stigmatizing to me.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Your thoughts are, guys are like, here's how you know you're in trouble with the dude is you go, it's noon. Did I beat off today? I think I beat off. Well, let's play it safe, right? So I'm for any discussion of a job, any discussion of economy, any discussion of work, any discussion of incentives, any discussion of tax, tax breaks as it pertains to getting money that goes offshore and coming back here, and small business owners and every, like, giving incentive. That's all I want. All I want is job talk. And Hillary had a little too much hate talk and not enough job talk. I don't even know why the politicians are discussing feelings like, hey, you hate her or you need to be inclusive with that guy. Who are you? You're the job guy.

[RJ Bell]

The likeability thing is, is not even part and parcel to what your job is, a politician, let alone president.

[Adam Carolla]

But your job is to legislate so we can encourage more business to come or get more jobs or do more freeways or build a Chunnel under the bay, whatever it is. In terms of feelings like what I should think about my gay neighbors or what my gay neighbors should think about their black neighbors or what my kids should think about. That's up to us. You don't get to discuss why even discussing it doesn't have anything to do with your job. Your job is basically just a big contractor. Just make stuff work, build stuff, make stuff happen. That's what I want. As far as corruption goes, I assume that most these people, whether it's Trump or Hillary, when you get to a certain level and you've been there for a long time, there's tons of stuff that you do. Like, it's why I don't care about Martha Stewart. Like, she's a rich person, she's on a private jet. Somebody calls her and tells her The Pfizer. The Pfizer stock is gonna tank the next day. I bail too. So everyone would bail. Like that's just what rich, rich people. And you go, I bet there's something going on with that guy's taxes. You goddamn right there's something going on with that guy's taxes. There's something going on with everybody's taxes. Who makes more than 100 grand a year? Year. They're writing off stuff. They're looking. They're doing a. Now you take your daughter's room and call it a home office and write it off, okay? That's what you do in your bracket. What Trump does is he buys a building in Singapore and calls it a home office. It's a bigger scale, but it's the same thing we're all forced to do, which is play fast and truth with everyone but Mitt Romney. I don't believe Mitt that does anything but make love to his wife of 57 years. All right, our guest is here. Let's see. We'll just blow through the last few calls and then we'll do it. Mike, 39, Omaha.

[Caller/Guest]

Yeah, hey, I was just calling to ask you guys opinion about the Harvey Weinstein blowback. These days in public, it kind of seems like everybody's real quick to bash him publicly. But is anybody worried about his return someday or is it any chance he might come back and remember some of that?

[Gina Grad]

Who cares?

[Adam Carolla]

We take the throne. I don't know.

[Gina Grad]

Who cares about him?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. In terms of using your power, I had a discussion with somebody. It's a little controversial, so I'll leave his name out. But not what Harvey Weinstein did.

[Gina Grad]

Mark Ergos.

[Adam Carolla]

But the abuse of power, right?

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, if you're George Clooney, you can look down your nose at all the trolls that abuse their power because you gotta face, you're George Clooney. You're George Clooney. You're George Clooney. So here's the deal. Every male between the ages of 18 and two weeks after they die wants to fuck hot 22 starlets, right? Okay.

[Gina Grad]

We can all agree to that.

[Adam Carolla]

We established this. We've established this. Show me picture Sean Young at 19 and I'll show you a boner, Gary. Okay. Okay. So every single. Every single guy wants to do this. We've established it. Yes. Right. All right. George Clooney gets to just leave the house and do it. But what if you're a troll? What if you're fat? What if you're bald? What If. What if you pockmarked skin? What if you're a troll? Well, do you sit back and go, well, I'm gonna bang other trolls in their 40s, or do you go, I gotta come up with a way to bang 22 year olds.

[Gina Grad]

I need an angle.

[Adam Carolla]

I need an angle. Thus the abuse of power now comes in because Clooney's angle is I'm hot fat. Producer's angles is I got juice, but that's all I got. And now I have to see what I can get done.

[RJ Bell]

All I got is juice and this potted plant.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Now, obviously this guy's a maniac. Crossed the line a million times and probably going to court and maybe in prison and all that. Don't condone it. But the thing where the troll has the power, don't expect him to just go, well, you know what? I'm not gonna try to trade on that power at all. I'll just walk around as a troll having sex with other middle aged trolls in Hollywood. That's what I'll do.

[RJ Bell]

And if a star likes me for me, that's her business.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, she'll say that anyway. All right, Mike, thanks. Let's see. Brian Whitman's out there. We'll bring him in. One second. Let me just do one more call and then I'll tell you about LifeLock. Ron, 29. Oh, Portland.

[Gina Grad]

I was very curious about that question.

[Adam Carolla]

What was his question?

[Gina Grad]

He said wanted to ask Brian about his time on who Wants to be a Millionaire and if he's developed a stutter since.

[RJ Bell]

No, but that was pre tumor or before pre diagnosis.

[Gina Grad]

So it doesn't have anything to do with the game show per se.

[RJ Bell]

What if that was all the lights, all the pressure? Meredith Vieira. Sweet, sweet scent.

[Adam Carolla]

Dude, you stutter a lot. Dude. Dude.

[RJ Bell]

I will say that the.

[Gina Grad]

Awesome.

[RJ Bell]

The tumor did affect my speech a lot. Remember back we started this podcast. It was. It was dark, dark times. And as such, I still have trouble, like certain syllables, like, you know, like if I said like Lilith Fair or like repeated L sounds. Repeated certain sounds.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, no, that was a good example.

[RJ Bell]

I do trip over sometimes, so I don't know if that's what Ron's talking about. Feel free to call back sometime.

[Adam Carolla]

I have not. Other than there was a time when the tumor affected your speech and you're walking and everything else, and now it's covered. Very minimal. I don't notice. I don't notice any of it in the speech once in a while, but.

[Paul]

Hopefully I've overcome it in the Spirit of Murrow, Jennings Cronkite. Here's another great moment in local news.

[Gina Grad]

And talk about an expensive spread.

[Brian Whitman]

That's a $1,000 bagel.

[Gina Grad]

The Westin Hotel in Times Square offering.

[Adam Carolla]

This one of a kind bagel.

[Brian Whitman]

But guess what's on it.

[Gina Grad]

It is alba white truffle cream cheese, goji berry infused red Riesling jelly and.

[Adam Carolla]

Those little gold things. That's real gold. Gold leaves, gold leaf. Huh?

[Paul]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a great moment in local news.

[Paul]

Now back to the Adam Carolla show.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, this nonsense where there's a bar in Manhattan that makes a $1 million martini. It's just regular vermouth with a $1 million diamond dropped into it. I have a $1 million car. It's a 17 Chevy Vega. But there's a brick of gold in the truck.

[Paul]

If you can find it, you're a millionaire.

[Adam Carolla]

That's not a million dollar car. And you don't have a million dollar bra. You have a million dollars worth of diamonds glued to a bra.

[Gina Grad]

It's Swarovski crystal. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Drives me nuts. Oh, Brian Whitman in studio, everybody.

[Paul]

It's so nice to be here with you, Adam and Gina, Bald Brian. It's great to be with all you guys.

[Adam Carolla]

Known the morning answers where you can hear Brian, Louisiana and Orange county, but you can also catch it online days 6am to 9am and that's, let's see, I tell. That's the morning answer. Yeah, that's AM 8:70, the morning answer.

[Paul]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

I tell my Alexa every morning, let's listen to Brian. And I talk to Alexa And I go AM870.

[Paul]

Well, that's high praise that you do that. It's AM870, LA, Orange County, AM590 in the IE, Riverside, San Bernardino, AM590, same program the morning in. And I've been there in my sixth year now. Why are you laughing at me? Gina, I love you. All right, well, so we're in year number six and I just signed. But I mean, they can take a joke. I mean, they got to keep me around for a couple of more years. I, you know, they say don't tell people how many more years, you know, which is like a silly radio thing.

[Adam Carolla]

But radio. Radio has rules, a lot of silly things. It had a lot of rules and then most of them kind of died and sloughed off. But some still remain, which is like they had a rule. I used to work for KROQ and I would oftentimes go do Steckler and Conway show. And they were on from like, I don't know, 8 to 11. 8 to 11 or something like that. And I would go to Koreatown into the place with no carpet.

[Paul]

3580 Wilshire.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. I would go there and they would say, can you come on from like 8 to 9, 9:30? And then you go off and do love. And I would go, fine. I liked hanging out with those guys. And my program director always got pissed when I went on their radio show. Except for all we did was advertise your radio station. Kroc on their radio station.

[Paul]

Heaven forbid you promote the product on another frequency, Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

And it was like, you don't do that. And it's like they should be getting yelled at by their program director for bringing. Doing an hour and a half. We have a commercial for love. Yeah, we did a commercial for Loveline. What do you. It's. Well, that's a rating.

[Paul]

We have this all backwards. It's their bosses that should be yelling at them for promoting the competition on their airwaves. Yet their program director is probably high fiving them for having you on to promote your show.

[Adam Carolla]

We could never get syndicated in New York. Loveline was syndicated 130 markets, number one everywhere. Never could get into New York because New York would be like, we won't take a day delay on a show. And it's like, you think about it now, like everyone on that, everyone on the west coast will listen to Howard Stern. They don't care if it's. It's a delay or if it happened three hours earlier. Who cares anymore?

[Paul]

They don't care if it's nine years old.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? They don't. Right. They don't care. It's funny because people listen to old loveline episodes from 10 years ago.

[RJ Bell]

Podcasting is the proof in the pudding. Like no one. Very, very few people listen live to a podcast. Everyone consumes it a day later, a week later, whatever it is.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. And you're doing an evergreen relationship and sex advice show. It makes literally no sense.

[Adam Carolla]

The one and the one thing that always pissed me off. Off.

[Paul]

I'm sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

Was91x in San Diego was one of our first syndicated station for Loveline. The first night I came on HTZ FM 90F A M. Baja California, 91X.

[Paul]

I did Z90, I think.

[Brian Whitman]

Sorry.

[Paul]

I get my call letters at my top of the hour. Add these wrong sometimes, everybody.

[Adam Carolla]

So we should do a little morning zoo coming up. But I will say that this. There was a time when they wanted a morning show And I was like, put our morning show on 91X. Because I've been on 91X for 10 years. And they're like, we need local guys. And it's like, you hire two unfunny guys out of the Tucson area when you could have our morning show. They're willing to move. The reason they're willing to move is because they don't have talent and they're not very good. That's why they're willing to leave Phoenix and come uproot their life. But you could have me, and you could have it in real time. It's like, they need the local. And then what's the local like? Hey, I was down in the pier this morning. I want some fish.

[Paul]

There's more to that sentence. The sentence really is, Adam, we need the local and radically untalented to do our morning show. You know, local does not meet the full description of what we're looking for. We need the radically untalented and the unlocal.

[Adam Carolla]

Nothing, too. Is like when you watched Seinfeld or mash. Was it local?

[Gina Grad]

I'm not in Korea, so I don't.

[Adam Carolla]

Have something North Hollywood centric when I watch mash.

[Paul]

A pd, a radio PD would watch the pilot for MASH and would say, yeah, man, that's. That's some great writing. I like that Alan Alden and I like that Ked Levad. The way they write those back and forth at David Ogden Sears. I mean, that's hot stuff. But. But I got a problem believing that a housewife who's 40 at her home in the Valley is going to be able to believe that that's where she lives. Well, it's not where she lives. They're in North Korea fighting a foreign war. Yeah, I understand that, but does.

[Brian Whitman]

Does.

[Paul]

I mean, she doesn't call her neighbor Hawkeye because she's not in the military, right? Because they're. It's a fantasy to her. They're in the military. She's not. Yeah. I don't buy it. I'm going to pass on that one. But I am going to add Sheryl Crow's new record this week. So I think I've outdone my bad decision with my good one. All I want to do is have some fun.

[Adam Carolla]

Everybod I had idiots.

[Paul]

Idiots.

[Adam Carolla]

I had the most. I had the funniest sort of real life or somethingist situation. So tell me if this sounds funny to you guys. I went down to Century City to pitch a TV show to, like, Discovery, and I did it last Friday, and I had this very friend. Funny thing where they had three people from. So you go into the conference room, and then you sort of sit down at big mahogany table. And you. First thing do is when you walk in, you have that move where you go, I'm not gonna sit at the end. That would suggest I'm in charge. I'll take a seat. But then they go, sit here. And you go, no, I'm not the boss, you know, and they go, okay. So we had this funny thing, and then there's three of us, three or four of us, and three of the other. And they sit on one side of the mahogany table, super 4 foot wide and 20 foot long, and you sit on the other, and you pitch your idea, you pitch your show. And there was a weird thing. It was up on the, like, 18th floor and had a beautiful view of a golf course and the Hollywood Hills. You could even see the ocean. So when we sat down, we all sat with our backs to the view, and they all sat down with their eyes to the view. And when we all sat down, they said, oh, you guys are missing the view. We see it every day. You should be on. You sit on this side and take a look at the beautiful view. And it's no big deal to us, but we should swap seats. And I said, by golly, you're right. And I stood up and went and sat on the other side, but none of my other guys did. So I was sitting there, and then this running joke came up. I then became them pitching my show. So they were like, adam Carolla loves cars. Adam Carolla knows everything about cars. He's a skilled racer. And I'd go, our demographic is not an Adam Carolla demographic, but keep going. Well, it's cars. It's more cars. They're more Leaf Prius. Our demographic leases cars. They don't own cars. And then for the next hour, I poop, poohed every single idea. Of course, everyone laughed hysterically because every time I would. I would chime in about, we don't. Adam Kroll's a little old. He skews old for our demo. Yeah.

[Paul]

Neil, do you have a lighter? I want to set Adam on fire during this pitch meeting here.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's.

[Paul]

Just a little lighter fluid.

[Adam Carolla]

It was a surreal. It was a surreal pitch. But I.

[Paul]

It is no coincidence that the pitch meeting happens at a mahogany table. Most coffins are made of mahogany. That should have been your first.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. I should have known. Fold it up, turn it into a.

[Gina Grad]

Coffin, lay on it.

[Adam Carolla]

Piano hinges on the shape of my body.

[RJ Bell]

You get in here.

[Adam Carolla]

I had this other one too, which always made me laugh, which is my first pitches in 1995 were for, like, home improvement stuff because I was doing Mr. Burcham, the wood shop teacher, and I was the home improvement guy. And I would take meetings and I would pitch home improvement. And I remember now, this is 1995. There was this old house on PBS. That was it. There wasn't 2,000 home improvement shows, but this is 1995. And I said, look, when I used to do this for a living, I'd go to the Anawalt Lumber or the Terry Lumber, and I'd just go pick up the lumber as the contractor and then show up, rebuild the guy's house. Now there's a Home Depot. The one in Hollywood is open twice 24 hours. And there's couples and singles and folks, this is becoming huge. And it's not a 3am 247 Home Depot. Don't go in there after midnight.

[Paul]

I understand, Adam. They're open 24 7. But what does that client base inside look like at 2:30, 4:30 in the morning?

[Adam Carolla]

That I don't go to that Home Depot anymore because it's the scariest place in the world.

[Paul]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

Western and Santa Monica.

[Paul]

You confirm my suspension suspicions.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. They figured out which way the wind was blowing in 1995, which is if these home centers, these mega home centers open 247 and they have their clientele, are these couples of. This is going to be huge. So I'm going to pitch you some Home Improvement with some comedy and whatever.

[Gina Grad]

Get rid of it.

[Adam Carolla]

And I remember pitching Home Improvement to the person from mtv and the chick went, hey, hold on, let me stop you. Our demographic are Rent Panthers. They're not owners, so they would not be interested in this kind of show. And I said, what percentage of the viewers of McHale Navy owned a PT boat? What do you think? Like, let's say half? Maybe 40? Probably. Let's just. Let's just say, let's be conservative. Say 55% of the viewers of McHale's Navy owned a PT boat. A World War II vintage PT boat.

[Paul]

In the front yard.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it was driving dry, Doc. They're probably working, right? They didn't get out on the water.

[Paul]

That, by the way, darn it, they had it.

[Adam Carolla]

Being a douche in meetings never got me anywhere.

[RJ Bell]

So how did that.

[Adam Carolla]

Show on empty never worked once. Brian, the morning answer.

[Brian Whitman]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

As I listen to every morning, I know you do all the impersonations.

[Paul]

I'm amazed that you listen to that program. I really am. I'm grateful for it.

[Adam Carolla]

I love talk radio.

[Paul]

I know you do. No, I know you do. But I call myself radio folks, Radio Raconteur and a part time liberal loudmouth. And I know that when I give my perspective on things, I know that you're probably going, oh, please. Does he really believe that?

[Adam Carolla]

No, I completely believe that you believe your insane thoughts about the government. No, no, what I'm saying is I.

[Paul]

Try to make it entertaining.

[Adam Carolla]

You're entertaining. I love the back and forth. And I'm a fan. I have stated many times I discovered Dennis Prager because I used to listen to his show Religion on the Line.

[Paul]

Well, I want to thank for that. I know a lot of people. If I said, people say to me, what, what, what, what? Dennis, you have Tourette's you're locked up on. What, what, what? What? What? What would be the line for you? What? What would be that line where my behavior. What would take it over the line? Would I have to commit child rape? What is the line?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Paul]

Dennis is great. Whenever. I love to show him a big listener.

[Adam Carolla]

Whenever he gets down the hall, I do.

[Paul]

But, you know, we don't have too much interaction. It's high. Ms. He. God bless Dennis. Dennis comes in like he's. I'll have to stand for this. The radio audience won't appreciate it, but you will. He stands and I'll create a mental picture here. He's always has behind him at least two to three carry on cases. And they're like suitcases. They're gigantic with wheels. It's like he's going to Guatemala.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Paul]

Right after the show. So it's, hey, Dennis. Hello, Mr. B. Hello, Mr. B.

[Adam Carolla]

How are you, Mr. B?

[Paul]

And it's almost like I'm unsure if he knows. So I actually am. So Mr. B is kind of generic. Look at you, Mr. B. What the. What are you doing? What, what, what is the line for immorality? And he's carrying three suitcases. And I want to say, dennis, can I lighten the load? I mean, Mr. B can help you lighten the load. I mean, who comes to a radio show with three different suitcases?

[Adam Carolla]

I think, where are you going?

[Paul]

You got three hours of, you know, happiness hours.

[Adam Carolla]

He's wearing. He's always wearing a tie.

[Brian Whitman]

Love him.

[Paul]

He said to me once, adam, we should all learn from this. I clearly have not, Brian. I think he thinks I'm a slob. And I kind of am by radio standards, which is saying a lot Yes, I think he believes I'm undressed at work. And he actually once said to me, and I'll share this with you and your great audience because we all learn, whether it's from the ace man or from Jaina, Paul, Bryan, or all these other people. You have a lot of people here. We learn life lessons. He said to me, Dennis Prager, Brian, I would rather be five minutes late for my show than not have a tie on.

[Adam Carolla]

Said that to me. Wow. What would Melania sound like if she.

[Paul]

I think I would rather be late. For the show. And it would come with subtitles.

[Adam Carolla]

Melania, you were criticized for wearing heels. With the hurricane and the relief, I.

[Paul]

Mean, I have to get around. I mean, I had my flats, I had my heels. I mean, I have to have a catch 27 for me. You know, I just learned the language. I say I have a catch 27. I've got to wear the shoes. But I want to take off the shoes because if there's a baby that doesn't have the water, I have to bring the water bottle and put on the sneakers. Melania, do me a favor. Really keep it quiet. Like, not a whole lot of words, really. Your part in this is like very, very small. You have like a very small role in all of this. Just stand there and smile. But what if I have to put on my flat? I don't care if you have to put on your flats. Keep it quiet. Keep it quiet. Greta.

[Adam Carolla]

Brian Whitman, everybody. All right, should we do a little news and Gina grad will fire that up and Brian will hang out and crack wise and first I'll tell you about blinds Galore Man. Thanksgiving. Oh, yeah. You're gonna have a house full of guests and it's only a few weeks away. It's coming up fast, so let's not worry about the ratty old blinds. Upgrade to something you'll love from blinds galore.com. i did it. I did it at the shop. I did it at my house. I did it here. We do it in the edit bays. It's just so good. Especially when it's hot outside. It kicks that heat right on out. So you can do well. Do me a favor. You get 100% custom window treatments built to your exact measurements, down to every little detail. Their in house experts are there. They'll guide you through every step. They'll. They'll send you 15 samples. Up to 15 samples. So all the different colors under the rainbow, pick out the ones you like, measure it, send it back, get it in the mail. A Few days later and you snap it up. It is easy and we've done it. Drew did his whole pool house with these guys. Free samples, free shipping, free expertise. Check them [e-mail] custom blinds and shades you've always wanted and at a great price. Blindsgalore.com these guys are great sponsors and better people. Check them out. Go ahead. Gina Grad.

[Gina Grad]

Let's do it.

[Adam Carolla]

Give me the news with Gr. News with Gino Grad. Breaking viral.

[Paul]

All those crazy Trump tweets.

[Adam Carolla]

Give me news with Gina Grad. Trouble in the Middle East, Celebrity drunk meltdown. Seek news with Gina. Gina.

[Paul]

The news with Gina Grad.

[Gina Grad]

Speaking of Melania and President Trump, have you guys seen this conspiracy theory going around online that there is a fake Melania standing next to Trump? I have heard about it on multiple occasions. And comparing their faces. Gary, I'm sorry, I know I didn't give you a heads up on that, but have you heard about this, Brian?

[Paul]

I have not heard about this.

[Gina Grad]

She is really oversized, sunglasses, the hair falls really in front of the face. Oh, there she is.

[Paul]

Well, I'm like the original. Remember Paul McCartney in America? Love the Beatles. Of course, in the original Paul McCartney, he died. People don't know that, but they replace him with the one they come to know as Paul McCartney. But the original Paul McCartney, he's been dead for like 50 years. People do not know that. Melania, you're talking crazy talk. You sound like Alex Jones and it's really bad. When I tell you you sound like Alex Jones, then you know that's a really bad example.

[Gina Grad]

So this is all, you know, conspiracy theory. But she's real buttoned up, hair in front of the face and nods and claps and really gets along with them in this circumstance. Conspiracy theory.

[Paul]

The actual first lady is no longer with us and that's a body double.

[Gina Grad]

I think it's that Melania's like done dealing with this. It doesn't want to stand next to him.

[Adam Carolla]

She wants to hang out in New York. She doesn't want to live in Washington.

[Paul]

Well, I'm going to tell you something. As body doubles go, and you know, it's like the fake news. I mean, people talk about it. It's like totally fake news. If we have a body double and if it's not really Melania, I like when he screams, if it's not really Melania, then I'm going to tell you it is really the great body double you've ever seen. Because I've seen some body doubles and some of Them are not that great. You notice like I don't have one out there saying she's Melania and she looks like Joy Behar. I mean, it's not happening. We have the greatest body doubles and we will have the greatest body doubles as long as I'm the greatest president with the greatest body doubles. It's really incredible.

[Adam Carolla]

This was chronicled in one of the best films ever, Moon Over Parador. And so I know it can happen.

[Gina Grad]

It can happen.

[Adam Carolla]

Absolutely.

[Gina Grad]

Well, we haven't checked in with Harvey Weinstein in a few days. So this is the latest. Residents at a sex addiction rehab facility do not believe Harvey is there for the right reasons. According to the New York Post, they don't believe it. They're snitching on his bad behavior and poor attitude. One source said Harvey often sleeps through group therapy sessions, though at one meeting he was startled awake by the ringing of his smuggled in mobile phone. Another complained that when it's Harvey's turn to talk, he launches a into these speeches about how this is all a conspiracy against him. Harvey is prohibited from attending further group sessions until he starts to take his recovery seriously.

[Adam Carolla]

First off, it's impossible for Harvey to nod off without everyone in the room knowing it. Right. Like the guy literally has to have a CPAP machine on him. There's no way he can put on some sunglasses and nod off incognito.

[Paul]

Not a word that enters that description.

[Adam Carolla]

No. He must have like a mobile CPAP, like in a backpack with a 40 foot extension cord.

[Paul]

He's getting tased. It goes like this.

[Adam Carolla]

And then I came up behind her.

[Paul]

And I knew that my behavior was unwanted.

[Adam Carolla]

What? Unwanted behavior?

[Paul]

No, it's wrong.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You know, there's a kind of a. There's a. I will explain this. Well, that's interesting. See if we can figure this out. Harvey Weinstein is a bad dude. Who then does this as well? The other folks that you may come up in the same conversation sometimes they'll bring up Woody Allen or somebody like that crazy.

[Paul]

I mean, they bring me up. It's like, it's wild.

[Adam Carolla]

You married your adopted.

[Paul]

Yeah, I know, but it's like she's older now, so it's not like she.

[Adam Carolla]

Married her when she was younger.

[Paul]

It's like my defense. And she's like older now. Well, I'm gonna concentrate on now. 2017. It's like now it's better. It's better now I'm going to.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna, I'm gonna make you feel good about shelf because like it's interesting. Which is like Roman Polanski, Woody Allen. Real dirt bags.

[Paul]

Real dirt bags.

[Adam Carolla]

These other names that come up, they did horrible things, but I don't know that they're horrible people.

[Brian Whitman]

People.

[Adam Carolla]

Harvey Weinstein is a horrible person who also does horrible things.

[Gina Grad]

Interesting. Wow.

[Paul]

It sounds like an Oprah tease. Can horrible people do horrible things? Next Oprah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you may say that that de facto makes you a horrible person, but I don't think Woody Allen's that tough to work with. You just don't want to just like.

[Paul]

Stand in there, you know, you know, say your lines, ignore the PAs. It's like they're not there. I'll give them them all the attention they need.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't think anyone in his Dixieland band hates him.

[Gina Grad]

Right, right.

[Adam Carolla]

But everyone who works for Harvey Weinstein and works with him hates him. Yeah.

[RJ Bell]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

He's a horrible guy.

[Paul]

Not a bad guy. Not a bad guy.

[Gina Grad]

Speaking of.

[Paul]

You're rude.

[Gina Grad]

Speaking of horrible people doing horrible things. This is now coming out a lot. We've spoken about this before. A lot of young men are coming out saying, hey, this does not just happen to women. And here is the latest. The Agency for the Performing Arts APA has fired and is investig Tyler Grasham. He's a top representative to young stars who a young man claims sexually assaulted him a decade ago when he was in his late teens, about 17 years old. Actor and filmmaker Blaze Godby Lippman, who has appeared on Weeds, he noted online in a post that Grasham has minor clients and shouldn't. Lipman's online letter says, quote, tyler Grasham, under the pretense of a business meeting regarding potential agency representation, fed me alcohol, I was underage and sexually assaulted me. He went on to say, apa agency has kept this man employed working with kid actors. I find it incredibly difficult to believe they do not know of his predatory behavior. Using his position with a company to prey on kids. His account said that, after all, if.

[Adam Carolla]

You, if you look at, if you just sort of do the math on dudes, it's all dude sexuality. So you go, all right, dude sexuality is get a get up, get a room at the Four Seasons and start interviewing starlets. That's where, dude, that's dude sexuality. If you talk to any high school 16 year old dude, they'd go, when you're 40, would you like to be sitting in the Four Seasons after a parade of 22 year olds come over there and you say, jump. And they say, how high? That's wet. Males, that's rap.

[Paul]

And they'll pay me for this. Do I get benefits?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. And when you're gay, you're still a dude. You're just pointing the honker in a different direction. But it's the same drive. It's the exact same drive. By the way, the reason the glory hole exists is because.

[Paul]

Because. Let me write this down. Hold on. I think I'm going to hear something very wise. The reason the glory hole exists.

[RJ Bell]

He's doing a Dennis Prager bit.

[Adam Carolla]

Everyone knows Harriet Tubman for one thing. But let me tell you, there's a lot more diversity in that woman's back. Now, the reason the glory hole exists is because it's a dude deciding with another dude how long they should wait to have sex.

[Paul]

You understand?

[Adam Carolla]

Thus the glory hole was invented. The answer is no. Now. So this is how guys think. So when you take a gay dude, you can point, that's the same heterosexual dude drive. It's for other dudes. And so the notion. And Hollywood and I would, I would argue that probably Hollywood and the industry and agencies probably has a higher per capita gay membership than coal miners or loggers. Yeah, I'm with you.

[Gina Grad]

I'll have to look it up.

[Paul]

You're right. I mean the, the, the. It's, it's always the answer for when, when two dudes come together at a glory hole is. Well, now I'm sure that when two strangers, two dudes who have never met each other before, first meet at a glory hole, it's.

[Adam Carolla]

Damn it, you're late.

[Paul]

Yeah, I didn't know that we had a meeting time. I just swung by.

[Gina Grad]

But you're right in the sense of this industry possibly attracting more predators. Not just dudes that would be down, you know, with a 22 year old, but dudes that cultivate this really predatory behavior with kids. Because Corey Feldman has been screaming about this for 10 years and everybody made fun of him.

[RJ Bell]

Corey Feldman?

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. And he's still saying, I'm not naming names because I want to protect my family. But this has been going forever and nobody listened kind of.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's a thing where this is dude on dude. This isn't a woman being abused.

[Gina Grad]

Dude on boy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's still. We have a weird society also. It's uncomfortable. Like rape in general uncomfortable. Boy, man on boy, whatever. Really uncomfortable. And we're pretty good at sort of conversationally moving past the uncomfortable conversations. And then we just kind of were wired that way.

[Paul]

I think you're right. But do we do our. Yes, I have Some pose that. Do we do our society well, no, thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

We don't. We'd make a horrible morning team.

[Paul]

Cancel the symposium, please.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, we don't. I'm just saying there's a dynamic. Why we don't want to discuss this. And that's. That's it.

[Gina Grad]

Well, here's something where I think everybody will win. Pole dancing could be on track to become an Olympic event. The International Pole Sports Federation, which has been around since 2009, has been given observer seats by the Global association of International Sports Federation, which officially recognizes activities as a sport. This move means the Pole Sports Federation will soon be able to apply for the Olympics. Now, pole dancing is going to join arm wrestling, dodgeball and foosball with observer status.

[Adam Carolla]

I like it, but it's a slippery slope.

[Paul]

Explain.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, pole dancing starts with pole dancing. Then it goes to a hybrid sport of sort of curling where you take $5 bills and you slide them across a wooden stage and see how close they can come to the vagina. So then we have a competition amongst the Ethiopian guys who work in the bathroom, which is how much livorres can we sell and how much cologne can we spritz out?

[Paul]

And I'll point out that's totally unregistered. Regulated by the ioc. Right, right.

[Adam Carolla]

That last event, and then the next thing you know, we have the strip club DJ competition. Brian Whitman.

[Paul]

Yeah. Hey, man. Hey, everybody.

[Adam Carolla]

And look at her.

[Paul]

She's Vanessa. She's hot. Oh, boy, she's hot. She's so hot that I touched her, patted her on the back before she came out to center stage and I burned the palm of my hand. She's h o t sizzling H o t and I M e a a and I T. Everybody get your dollar bills ready for this. I ain't gonna be here all that long. Wish she was, but she's that everybody. Those guys are the worst. Now it occurs to me, and I know if I don't know those guys, I only know them from sitting there you mentioned and hearing them. You know, I got to know some of them personally. Hey, I'm Whitman. I'm in. Hey, Whitman. Yeah, I've heard you out of the radio, but do you think there's a chance if I gave you an air check me a practice tape of me introducing some of these girls. You could. Could bring it into Jack Silver and we could do like a Saturday night strip club DJ competition. Yeah, I'm sure that's possible. Just give it to me and I'll be sure not to leave it here in the booth when I leave tonight. You know, it's interesting, they say that Gina grad says that pole dancing has now reached observer status. By the way, pole dancing has had.

[Adam Carolla]

Observer status for 200 years. Yes. It didn't have to build an audience.

[Paul]

Guys just sitting there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Those guys, you know what I mean?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Paul]

They didn't score. I don't think they could score. Mathematics wasn't their thing, but they were observing.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

It always. When here's my problem with the poll. I don't like watching fire eaters or sword swallowers. Like, he's got a sword, he's putting it down. It's like, I don't like that. I don't appreciate it.

[Paul]

I'm not a big galaxy.

[Adam Carolla]

No. And when the chick gets inverted and then she lets go and she's just hanging on with her crossed legs, I'm like, sweetie, you're gonna. By the way, I don't care about the brain damage part, but you're gonna be. You're gonna be forced into a wheelchair. You're gonna slide down and then they kick one leg off and they wrap the one. Like. I'm like a nervous mom.

[Paul]

Now. This is a wild Wednesday night here at Melon Cali. She's gonna take this sword of fire and she's gonna eat this thing. Oh, my. I hope that's been pre approved by our friends from the Los Angeles County Fire Department. Anyway, there goes Vanessa fall down the gullet. It's a sort of fire. And she's slowly. Oh, I can't even look.

[Adam Carolla]

I gotta look the other way around.

[Paul]

Get a vomit. That gullet that's all the way right down there. And her stomach is on fire. Call the fire department. It's hot and sexy at Mellon Collies this morning. Wednesday night.

[Gina Grad]

Well, Adam, as somebody who took pole dancing exercise class for two and a half years because it's so fun, if I can do that, the professionals can do it.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, brother, that's your grand up there. Quit your grin and drop your linen. She's a little newbie in training. Call her Kelly girl. She's up on the pole. She's got her legs up there. Now she's going inverted. She wants to know who shut the lights off.

[Paul]

Yeah, she's. Now, what I love about her routine here is that she does all five vowels. She does the A, the E, the I, the O, the U. And if she feels in the mood sometimes, Y. And if she's in a sometimes, why kind of move. Tonight we're all Gonna leave with a big booty.

[Adam Carolla]

And Brian, Brian, let me take care of a little house business here. We got a businessman brunch coming up.

[Gina Grad]

That's new.

[Adam Carolla]

No, three, every weekday, unlimited mojo potatoes. And go say hi to Felipe. He's in the bathroom. He's standing next to the change tray. Yeah, it's all his own change he puts in there. We call the primer. Perhaps I said too much.

[Brian Whitman]

Jade.

[Adam Carolla]

Stage four. Stage four.

[Paul]

Jade, try to throw some kaching his way because Philippe's in a nasty, nasty child custody battle right now. I believe Vanessa's up to the letter E. So check it out.

[Adam Carolla]

Vanessa's got a yeast. In fact, and maybe between the discussion of Philippe and his childhood custody battle and Vanessa with the east infection, perhaps we're a little too transparent here, Brian.

[Paul]

Right, well, I don't know about that. I think we just want to tell the truth because, you know, who knows the truth? The guys right down there on the front row. They came down here this morning with a fistful of cash Corolla, and they know the truth.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, Brian, it's Alondra. Brian, Truth. Say, you know, you've only been here for nine months, but I've been attending attracted to you for about a year. I seen your work over at Short Girls and I mean beyond professional attraction, but into a manly, masculine attraction that's.

[Paul]

Hotter to say since we're into the truth. Ace, man, I gotta tell you, I was over there at the other club and I kind of knew you were warm for my form, so I moseyed.

[Adam Carolla]

On over to the glory hole.

[Paul]

I ran out of patience waiting for you to show up.

[Giovanni]

Now.

[Paul]

Now is the rule.

[Adam Carolla]

Now.

[Paul]

Got a stand there with my big league.

[Adam Carolla]

Got to say this and all the listeners here. I've been struggling with my sexuality for a long time. Right back. This voice and this job is really just a thinly veiled veneer over compensation. At least my therapist says it. Well, I got to tell you what you're doing with my sexuality.

[Paul]

I'm going to tell you, buddy, what you're. Oh, and look at her doing that double triple axle there. I wish it was a.

[Adam Carolla]

He reminded me.

[Paul]

Reminds me of Scotty Hamilton from 1986.

[Adam Carolla]

We're talking.

[Paul]

I gotta tell you something, buddy. I'll tell you something your therapist won't dare to tell you, buddy. You have an ass that just won't quit. You are hotter than a firecracker. And I've got some sexual feelings for you, man.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I gotta tell you this, Rob. Ride when I fly in from burbank, we hit McCarron. That poster, the Thunder from Down Under. I stop every day and stare at that bad boy.

[Paul]

I got a tip.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't care the fake Australian accents. I am physically attracted to those men. I'm physically attracted to you. And I say we get rid of this whole facade and we go open ourselves up a bakery that caters exclusively to gay couple.

[Paul]

Wow, look at that. Vanessa with a triple axel. L forming perfectly. You know she's going to get 10 out of 10 there.

[Adam Carolla]

That is believable. So that's amazing.

[Gina Grad]

It might be a new record.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's bring it home, baby girl.

[Gina Grad]

Got it. I'm Gina Grad and that's the news.

[Adam Carolla]

That was the news with Gina Grad. So until next time, I'm Crow for Brian Whitman, Gina Grad. And Paul, Brian, Sam, Mahala. That's noon. Did I beat off today?

[Giovanni]

All right, this is Adam Krillo Show 21:85 with the great Brian Whitman. Coming up next, we have Adam Cole show 2190 93. This one's also from 2017 featuring Tim Allen, Mark Garrigos, RJ Bell, Gina Gratt and Brian Bishop. Hope you guys enjoy.

[Adam Carolla]

And now Alcoa presents Definitely Not a Jew on the Adam Carolla show dates. Byron, Mississippi. A 28 year old woman was arrested.

[Paul]

After she hit her husband with a.

[Adam Carolla]

Hammer when he messed up her order from Taco Bell. Definitely Not a Jew. Yeah, Tim Allen in studio. Tim's doing stand up around this great country of ours. Coming up this Friday and Saturday, November 3rd and 4th, that's at the Mirage in Las Vegas. And then Thursday 16 November, Clearwater, Florida at the Ruth Eckert hall. And then Friday, November 17, Naples, Florida, Hayes Hall. Good to see you, man.

[Brian Whitman]

Good to see you too.

[Adam Carolla]

Tim is. Oh, sorry, pull that mic. Right on, right on, right, right on tune.

[Brian Whitman]

At the Radio World.

[Adam Carolla]

Tim is car guy. Tim was telling me just a moment ago about a really cool Jag. He got that? I am.

[Brian Whitman]

No, I didn't get it. I saw a picture of it.

[Adam Carolla]

You didn't receive it?

[Brian Whitman]

No. Jaguar made one of one off a 64, 65. There's the picture right there of a Jaguar. But when you open the hood and the bonnet, it's an electric motor and it changed. I said you could. There's a lot of classic cars. I don't care generally how it's powered. Some. Some of them in my collection are too loud. I mean, I'm getting old. I just want to. I want to cruise and this thing is 100, they say 170 mile range. And the electric motor is actually really.

[Adam Carolla]

Good looking, which you never see or you never hear about. Wow. They're just looking at it. Yeah, the Jag and a lot of car companies are doing something smart, which is getting in touch with their heritage.

[Brian Whitman]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

They used to just do this thing where it's like, hey, Ford's going to do the Cobra to. And they just put a sticker on a crappy Mustang and they put a fake hood scoop and they'd put a wood grain steering wheel, which was fake wood grain. It would wear off where your hands were and they'd go, that's the Cobra too.

[Brian Whitman]

What?

[Adam Carolla]

And now it's like, you got to go back and get into your heritage. And Jag is doing it in a big way.

[Brian Whitman]

Well, I just, I. When I raced for Ford, for Steve Saline, we were just getting into sequential gears. A lot of these old guys didn't want to go sequential gears. And I kind of like that idea that the same I relate to this to Toy Story. When we first did Toy Story, it was the first computer animated film. And when all the old animators as well as the new guys were in the theater over at Disney, we all looked at was night and day. Old school animators went, no one's going to buy this. It looks terrible. It's too clear, it's too crisp. Those. And I was on the edge. I go, it's kind of cool. But the story is the story. You know, I don't care what, what mode you do in racing and racing. And now, of course, it's all sequential gear.

[Adam Carolla]

I've said this a million times. Pixar films should be studied in every film school because of the story. The stories are so insanely good. They get lost a little bit sometimes in the technology or the performances or whatever. But the stories are so great in Pixar's and especially like there's a lot of comedies where it's just, hey, it's a comedy. But there's, there's not much story to hang your hat on. Sequential, by the way, a regular gear shift, let's say, is first gear forward, second gear back, third gear forward. Yeah, that pattern, the sequential is just one stick in the middle and you just keep pulling it backwards. Like on a motorcycle.

[Brian Whitman]

Like a motorcycle.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, just go watch it.

[Brian Whitman]

You got to get used to it. And it's kind of the old school guys didn't like it. And I remember the studio animators at Disney, you could hear them grumbling in the back.

[Adam Carolla]

This looks terrible.

[Brian Whitman]

I can't believe I wanted to.

[Gina Grad]

Doesn't look hand painted.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you know what you were getting into in a good way with Toy Story? I mean, did you know when you read the script or were you in the middle of a crazy schedule? This one. Give me the sides, I'll show up.

[Brian Whitman]

I. I studied film in college, and Lassiter's Pixar Light, the Tensor Light, was shown at our. One of our film festivals. It was the first computer anime thing I'd ever seen. And that was that the logo they used. That was his original movie. He did a whole movie with that. And I said, this is the future. This is unbelievable. I mean, I was a big fan of that. The scripts in those movies are kind of peculiar. They don't. They don't show up. They kind of show up in a random sketch to me about what the character is going to say, and then it shows up, you know, when you go do your bits. It's a really peculiar process for an actor or a comedian or a turtle for that matter. I mean, it's just an odd process because they. You read a little bit of dialogue, you never work with the other actor. It's just a guy behind his screen going, now try it again.

[Adam Carolla]

You're right. It's just.

[Brian Whitman]

It's a very peculiar process, right?

[Adam Carolla]

And it's always a little confusion because they'll do give me three. Always give me three. It's not. It's not two or four.

[Brian Whitman]

Well, they hate when you ad lib too. And I'm an ad libber. And they. You'd see the. Especially after it's animated. I did one. You're a sad, strange little man, and you have my pity. I did that as an ad lib. And you see him go, oh, God, that's funny. You know, it's like, yeah, that was $4 billion because it doesn't fit the mouth. We got to go back and do it again.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you. Where did you do that? Record that and then how much of that? They always say so and so wasn't in the room. Sometimes they're across the ocean, though, and they're with you piped in the room. But you're always just alone.

[Brian Whitman]

Always alone. I mean, I always thought it would be kind of fun for Hanks and all of us to do it as like a theater event for charity or something. Just do it in a circle. Just do it one off the other. But they want you. They want you completely, completely clean. Completely. They don't want the other guy in there at all. So it's a little alarming to have the engineer go, here's what his line is. I said, give me his line first. And then, of course, my joke. You don't sound anything like Hank's.

[Adam Carolla]

This is horrible. I just was working on a Pixar thing and they had an actress who's not in the movie, but she's a voiceover actress playing the other person, but in another room. And then piped up in so you can read with the person. But they're not. They're not going to be in it.

[Brian Whitman]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

They didn't have that for you.

[Brian Whitman]

They don't have it for us. Because I said, almost alarmingly, I was told, really don't even need you anymore. Like, I'm already passed on. Because Buzz has said so many things in three movies and a lot of my lines are, look out, Woody.

[Adam Carolla]

Woody, watch out, Woody.

[Brian Whitman]

Watch out, Woody. Look at assemble dialogue. He said it in a nice way. Really don't even need you for this one. I go, well, that's not exactly what.

[Adam Carolla]

I'd like to hear, but they could Frankenstein it together. Oh, you bet. I mean, the same way as they can do, you know, Michael Jackson show with his avatar up there in Vegas or whatever they're working on now. Yes.

[Gina Grad]

When I did Street Fighter 4, the voice of Rose, they've done many, many iterations since. Never been in once to record anything. Not once.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, Gilbert Godfrey should have seen this coming with Zaf Lack Duck and played it a little more on the straight and narrow. Tim, we know we have a mutual friend, Kevin Hansch, and he was one of the instrumental guys in Last Man Standing. I know you grew to love Kevin Hench.

[Brian Whitman]

His point of view particularly, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

But he's also, you know, what everyone's looking for when they're on the set. Somebody competent, like somebody you can go up to. And you go, is this going to work or is this not going to work? And then they can tell you because they are that person. Kevin Hansch is that person. You want him on the set of a movie, you want him on the set of a TV show, you want him when you're camping, you just go, is this going to work or isn't going to work? And he will give you a very clear, unfettered version of it.

[Brian Whitman]

It will. I look at this and I have a shop in North Hollywood and we build cars. And what we're looking for is always the guy that finishes the job, People that engage. And Hench is the Type of guy that engages, go do this, as you said, is this working? If it isn't working, I'll go fix it. He takes a shot at it. He doesn't delegate constantly to somebody else. And we're finding in North Hollywood a real limit of people that do things. There's a lot of people that say they do things, a lot of people that want to do things, a lot of people that can tell other people to do things. The city of Los Angeles is a good example. Charles Trying to get a root ball that's coming up through the asphalt on my neighborhood, right? This is four years of this.

[Adam Carolla]

Trying to get it removed.

[Brian Whitman]

Try to get it removed, right? The lady goes, I go, sweet lady finally comes out from the city after repeated efforts to get it done. She goes, yeah, that's a terrible thing. I said this would be the fifth I've gone through dwp. I've called everybody. Now I just bring somebody. Look at that. It's causing traffic. Someone's going to get hurt. She goes, right. That's a civilization infraction. I go, okay, well, if, if I were to give the person whose house it is a civil infraction, they're not really going to vote for me again, are they?

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Brian Whitman]

I go, okay, so that's just going to sit there. I'll get someone else to look at. I've had everyone look at it. No one's. We have one root ball grinder for the whole city of Los Angeles. That is it. But you probably got 20 people in that office.

[Adam Carolla]

It really sounds like a horrible term for a bitchy wife. Yeah, RuPaul Grinder, been working him for 17 years.

[Brian Whitman]

Or if it was Ruth. Her name is Ruth Ballgrinder.

[Adam Carolla]

Her friend the mulchers.

[Brian Whitman]

Ruth Balgreather.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, man, I, yeah, I, I, I have these fantasies behind where we're sitting is, is trash that mattresses. I don't like it when it takes the kid theme, like the kids mattresses. But if you go just behind us, you'll see where all the garbage gets stuffed.

[Brian Whitman]

Even a better story.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Brian Whitman]

All along my neighborhood. I wanted in North Hollywood. I want to plant trees to clean up the area. And I work with all the other businesses along where my business is. And we finally got, we planted about 31 trees. You know, don't even get me in how hard that was to give the city 31 trees. I mean, it had more trouble. Like I said, you know, I'm giving these to you, and I'm going to plant them and feed them, but I Need. I need all these mattresses taken away. Because once one mattress shows up, next thing it's television and dead bodies and whatever, this whole pile of stuff. And she goes, Thursday, we'll pick it up. Thursday comes and goes. Month goes by. You said Thursday. She goes it, Thursday, we're coming out. Finally she says, I gotta admit to you, we're not coming. I go, why do you say Thursday? That's what we're told to say.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Brian Whitman]

Who told you to say that? That's just. They won't give it up. We don't have the truck anymore, so you don't really have the capacity. But you still got four people in the office that take the calls. But we don't have the truck to do that anymore. So that's on you people. Well, it's good to know that I pay the taxes so that you can answer the phone and tell me that it's not happening.

[Adam Carolla]

We are in this tale of two cities over here. The best of times and the worst of times, because we have unlimited resources to pay out when the cops shoot people or to pay the teachers that are over there in purgatory because they're molesting kids. We have unlimited resources for that. But when it comes to. To the stumps or the garbage by the side of the freeway or the mattress or sofas, like we don't. We don't have.

[Brian Whitman]

You need your oil separator checked. If you have in a shop an oil separator, that guy is out there. On the mark.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. Oh, well, there's nothing we do better than parking enforcement. Parking enforcement. We're insane about it. Johnny's model behind us is literally just piles. There is a toilet. Gary will show you a picture. Somebody went full Gallagher on a toilet out there, and there's just.

[Brian Whitman]

It was me, unfortunately. I thought that was your restroom.

[Adam Carolla]

You have destroyed that toilet, Mr. Allen. There is a destroyed Gallagher. Well, they just smashed. He took the Sledge O Matic. He took the sledge O Matic to a toilet which is just on the sidewalk. It's just a. It's just a destroyed toilet on the sidewalk. Says they don't have the garbage. Guys don't pick up garbage. They work a robotic arm that goes for the can. And if the can's not facing Mecca, they'll keep driving. Like it's happened to me once or twice where the can was. Faced the wrong direction. So God forbid they'd have to get out of the goddamn truck and turn the can around. Here's my thing. If you can't get out of a truck. You shouldn't be a garbage man. Like, if that's a bridge too far, like, you know what? I really don't do? Getting out of trucks. Fine, be a goddamn accountant, but don't be a garbage man. Because everything's robotic arms. So we don't have any apartment ability to pick up the sofas, the mattresses, or the busted up toilets. Gary. I'm pretty sure Gary took a picture of the busted. I took pictures of it. Busted up toilets. But don't. Oh, when you. All right, well, we'll find out. So Tim.

[Brian Whitman]

Let'S see. Let's go. So Hansch is a good worker.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Whitman]

I miss good workers like that. Just yesterday was talking about the people in my life that get stuff done that don't ever say, you know, I've tried that on 30 because I have a series of things I have to get done and either I do it and there's about four or five men and women in my life that they just look at you and they go. And they'll figure out a way to get it done because they engage. And I miss that so much. And you know, I love the city of Los Angeles and I hope I do my best to help it work. The city council, I get involved in whatever I can for my community. But people that engage are very, very rare. And a hinge is one of those guys. And I said, when made that a wonderful experience is that the whole staff of that show got engaged and it worked together. Literally. You had liberals and conservatives writing jokes offending both sides equally.

[Adam Carolla]

So I know when the show ended, the ratings were very good. Of course, I'm very close with Hanch and I see him for football every Sunday and so on and so forth. And he really felt like there was a little bit of a political conspiracy going on. That the show, show Last Man Standing was going into its what, sixth season?

[Brian Whitman]

Seventh.

[Adam Carolla]

Seventh season. Coming out of the sixth, going into seventh. Great ratings. And for guys like Tim and guys like Hench, it's a big deal financially to have these things continue. What was your take on why that show was canceled?

[Brian Whitman]

I'm a realist. If it was political, no one would be stupid enough to admit that. So you'd never. It's one of those collusion things. There's no way. They protested a little bit too much to me when they said, it's not about that. I never said anything. I never. I just walked away. I felt bad for the hundred or 190 so employees that didn't find out till mid June, which is odd to me. And I think they knew in October. I said, classy thing would have been, let us know we're going out, write the story out. Everybody has a chance to get other jobs. They didn't do it that way. They could have handled it better. But I said, this is a. It's nice conspiracy stuff, but there's no way anybody who would in the private room as ever tired of that funny conservative, get rid of him. That sounds good, but I don't think there's anybody dumb enough to admit that.

[Adam Carolla]

How did you get to where you are today from where you started? Because you had a crazy life, a crazy story, a crazy upbringing. You were in prison, you got busted for selling drugs. Your family was broken up. I mean, how did you overcome all that? Because every, you know, I. So here's. Here's people send me these, you know, TED talks and stuff. And it's so important that the family be together and so important that the dad be there and that they raise the kids and that you get. Get good parents. But then every once in a while, there's Tim Allen or maybe Adam Carollo somehow can transcend the horrible parenting job or the bad job that someday. Yeah, right. Yeah. One day my son one day will transcend his horrible parents parenting. How do you believe that? There's a sort of inner spark. There's the toilet busted up on the. On the sidewalk.

[Brian Whitman]

That was me.

[Adam Carolla]

And in the back, more trash all along the side of the freeway. But how. Tell us about that. How did you come up?

[Brian Whitman]

I. I always was a motivational speaker freak. I always like guys that could. You'd watch from Zig Ziglar, Tony Robbins, to a degree. So I started when I was incarcerated. I started reading books about people that I admired and I started setting goals. It was a simple thing. I put a list, three lists, what I want to do the rest of the day. Just avoid this guy with a beard two cells down. Just keep avoiding him. Write a list of what I want to accomplish today, what I want to accomplish this year, and what I want to accomplish, period. And I just. It's a simple list. I ask kids all the time, both my kids and other friends. Make a list. Make a list of stuff you want to do today. Then you realize you can do those things, just one, one at a time. You read biographies of people, different races, different creeds, but every now and then in a biography, you're going to go, I can't. Obviously, I can't be an African American woman. But I can do some of the things she did to get ahead, you know, focus. And so I. I read biographies of anybody that I liked. And then I started going, I can't do this, but I could do that. And it. I think it was Juan Montoya, that race driver, said, there's a difference between wishing and focus. Most people wish to be successful. Successful. He focused on being successful. You focused on that next turn. And you, if you. You've raced cars, you folk, you. You look where you want to go, not where you don't want to be. Right? I heard that many times. So I kept focusing. I want to be on the Tonight Show. I just focus. I'm going to get on the Tonight Show. And believe me, it was a. It was. I did eventually do it with Johnny, but it was not how I wanted, not when I wanted. But damn it, I did it exactly. Exactly. As you know, Jim McCall, I never said, you're dirty. I go, well, you've watched. You're supposed to show up at the club when. The first eight minutes. When I have clean. You're not. You always show up, you know, oozed up at the last half hour. Of course, I'm talking about, you know, nutsacks.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you think prison saved your life?

[Brian Whitman]

Yes. It was either that or the military. I should. I wanted to be in the military most of my life until someone told me. Exactly. You'll have to be screamed at. Really close. One of those boot camp things. I said, I think I'd punch the guy.

[Adam Carolla]

How long were you sentenced to.

[Brian Whitman]

I got seven years and did three of it.

[Adam Carolla]

Is that when you got seven? Did you think that would be. You'd be in for seven?

[Brian Whitman]

No, it was actually longer than that. I was under the Rockefeller act, and that was early on where they give you life.

[Adam Carolla]

So tell us what happened and then tell us how old you were when you got sentenced. Because if someone told me now three years from now or five years from now, I'd think, that's coming up. If I was 22, that's life. And you said five years. When you're 30, you'll get out of here. My life is over. That's when.

[Paul]

Well, I'm the.

[Brian Whitman]

Luckily for me is that I have this comedian that lives in me. So he's constantly making jokes. Because the serious part of me was going, I can't do this. I can't live like this. Because I originally was sentenced to a lot. And then we got it. It turned into a federal offense, which was a blessing because the Feds don't have that same law. So it would turned into continuing criminal enterprise or something like that.

[Adam Carolla]

It was selling cocaine.

[Brian Whitman]

Yes. But it was originally started with marijuana in. And my problem with the whole thing is that they caught me early and they just kept upping the ante. It's like to me, I always told the judge, this is like getting a guy for a burglary, but you want to keep setting him up till he gets. Finally get murder. But he committed a burglary. I sold pot. You know, they just kept up and how about this? And they just kept upping the ante. But at one time I said I was in a holding cell for 60 days, which was miserable. Just miserable. 16 other guys, you know, two months, you know, in. In there or during Christmas. So I said, I'm going to kill myself. That's what I'm going to do. I'm going to. I'm going to stitch together like in the movies, the. The sheets, put it on the barn. I'm going to kill myself. And then the comedian says, you're going to screw this up. What's going to happen is you're going to be hanging there nude and you won't be able to get to the thing and you'll be just hanging there.

[Adam Carolla]

And all the other guys are going.

[Brian Whitman]

To come in and take advantage of going full pinata. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Because you didn't quite get it right.

[Brian Whitman]

And I started looking, laughing so hard at this that that's really what saved me is I constantly had a sense of humor. Sometimes not at the right time because I'd have guys that would go, can we talk after this? Because we. I did Toastmasters in some religious study groups to get out and have a real hamburger outside of the walls. And I'd do these and make jokes about people, take shots. And some of these guys said, you know, I'm in here because I can't take shots at people. So the one guy got me up against a wall because he was going to beat me up, hurt me, and I started laughing so hard as he's got me by the neck. And he goes, what is so funny about this? And he goes, if my brother could see the look on my face right now, you know, terrified one of my brothers. And I always used to laugh at terrible faces when you're. When you're terrified.

[Adam Carolla]

I did this once.

[Brian Whitman]

Leno took a picture of me driving one of my real fast cars. He goes, boy, that did. You shouldn't show that. You know, I was power shifting at 427 and my face was so geeky. And when you're terrified, you have. That's who you look like. And this guy had me by the throat's gonna beat me up. And I couldn't stop laughing because my face was so distorted and so stupid looking. And I thought if my younger brother could see me now, he'd be laughing his butt off.

[Adam Carolla]

What was. So, if you could just give us like a normal day in the, in the joint, I'd. I'd, well, be curious.

[Brian Whitman]

It depends. It depends. Federal prison. So you're required to work. If they don't. You don't pick a job, they'll pick a job for you. So if you, you know a lot of guys. I'm not working for the feds. I don't. So they're. They end up shoveling snow or something late at night if you don't do something. So I volunteered for the print shop. So you get up, you have breakfast, and you go to work. You work, you work. It's. It's a bit. It's 8 cents an hour or something like that. They pay you to work at all the federal. They went a print shop and they did all the. Anything gso, all their paperwork. We printed it. It looked like a regular, regular print shop.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you get the 8 cents of an hour after three years? Did they cut you a check?

[Brian Whitman]

Well, you put it in their little account. You can go get cards or whatever, the commissary, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Were you writing a lot of material when you're incarcerated?

[Brian Whitman]

No, no, I just. All I wanted to do was get out of there alive. I did. I did and learned my lesson. I literally. I started reading and said, I don't want to do this again. I don't want. Just a lack of concentration and focus. I was. As I said I was. I was always after other people, people's money. I hated rich people. I was an early Democrat. I just wanted to spend other people's money. I didn't think it was fair that I didn't have a lot of money when I was a kid. So that's how I got off track.

[Gina Grad]

Mrs. Carolla.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I sound like my mom.

[Brian Whitman]

I never, I never thought of working. My mother told me early on she's, you're. You're going to end up working for the government. That's. That was her punishment, in a way.

[RJ Bell]

You did?

[Brian Whitman]

Yeah, well, she said, if you don't straighten up, you're going to end up with a government job. That to her, that was the worst thing in the world. No Offense to government. Government jobs. But she said that this is where you'll end up.

[Adam Carolla]

Was this 22 to 25, approximately 26. 23 to 20, 26.

[Brian Whitman]

I got out of the year after I graduated college.

[Adam Carolla]

So now when you get out, now I would assume that Tim Allen would have like a notepad in the joint and be sort of jotting down ideas.

[Brian Whitman]

Never thought, Never thought I'd do comedy.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't have an eye on comedy when you get out.

[Brian Whitman]

That was early. Early in those. I was in Detroit and I had that. I was on three year parole. Worked at a Kinko's. No, I worked at a gun store.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Brian Whitman]

But I was downstairs. I was just camping equipment. Upstairs was guns. But I end up putting it together. And they had a local comedy club in Detroit, the Detroit Comedy Castle. They opened up a new club and a buddy of mine that came in every day was real funny. He's a comedy writer now. He dared me. It was one of. It sounds like out of a movie. You don't have enough to go do 10 minutes. And I wrote 30 minutes of comedy in 30 minutes. I just wrote. Everything was on my mind. The Pillsbury Doughboy was my big bit. I wonder if they just left him in the oven too long. Instead of getting the crescent rolls. What if they grabbed that little turd, threw it, he's beaten on the door.

[Paul]

Help.

[Brian Whitman]

And he swells up. That was the end bit. I was smart enough to do all the cruddy stuff up front.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Brian Whitman]

It's a natural thing. Leave it, leave it. Leave him laughing.

[Gina Grad]

Big finish.

[Brian Whitman]

Big finish. And that was it.

[Adam Carolla]

I remember a million years ago, Mark Sweeney, who was the director of Acme Theater, was telling me about Tim Allen and Tool Guy and, you know, the whole. All the bit. The tool Man. Because I was the tool. I was the tool guy. I was the comedian who was a carpenter all day and then would go out and do open mics at night. But I never combined the two. I never made the Reese's Peanut butter cup that Tim Allen had.

[Brian Whitman]

It was a leap because I did Akron, Ohio, Goodyear Tire and Rubber. I was doing my regular bit and all of a sudden all I heard were these men. It's like a scotch sales night. And I'm up there dying and I hear them from stage going. They're just so. I started mimicking liking that, right? And these guys were, hey, putting up. And then I. I realized I had a hook. I realized it was immediate. That then I added that to my lawnmower. And how men fix Things the other side of men. We can be horrible, but if you put us on a task, one thing we do really well is fix stuff, right? We break it, we build it, we fix it. That's what we do. I remember I did that for Rodney in New York and I. I really was unusual in New York. Everybody was talking. It sounds like everybody was gangster. The whole New York Dangerfields club and all of a sudden go, hey, what.

[Adam Carolla]

Was all this stuff about the lawnmower? Get that kid back.

[Brian Whitman]

And it was. It was so different than anybody else. Then I pulled it out to, you know, I'd worked two weeks in Detroit, legally, Legally, like a regular job and take off these trips. Eventually got on the road. But when I went to Los Angeles, Gino Michelini put me on the.

[Adam Carolla]

The radio show host radio show.

[Brian Whitman]

He put me on the klos, I think. Yeah, for five o' clock funnies.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, the five o' clock funnies still do that.

[Brian Whitman]

Recorded me at the Pasadena Ice house. Usually have two, 300 calls. I got 8,000 calls.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Brian Whitman]

Who was that kid talking about the lawnmowers? And boom, they started putting me on the road, saying it was. They did like five o' clock funny concert tour. But it didn't take me long to realize, you know, it doesn't seem like they're here to see the other people. You know, it seems like I think I want a little bit more dough from this.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's. It's kind of an interesting time. So we don't have the Internet, but yet. Tim's working out of Detroit. Then he goes to New York. Then I have my director at Acme theater sketch improv troupe telling me about the tool guy. Just this weird word of mouth more powerful than the Internet because Internet is now filled. It's interesting. You go, well, now we have the Internet. So we can get all this information around, but not if there's 200 million things on the. The Internet. Then we can't get it all out.

[Brian Whitman]

Our business, how fast a joke goes. Yeah, it be simultaneous. Like there's a. If it's a stupid joke, you know, the. The best guy for that is Leno. Leno will always come. I mean, there's a guy in a golf course, a Jay. I'm a comedian. I really don't like, but it's how funny these. I always thought it was amazing, even in the Internet world that a joke will hit New York, you know, between comics or a bit that. Like a local bit, not one that we're stealing because of course we wouldn't do that.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Brian Whitman]

I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

There was something, the thing that always amazed me even more than Tim Allen, because the Tim Allen News depressed me, because I went, well, I'm doing that, but I'm not making any money doing that. And also, it always sucks when you're kind of the Tool Guy and someone's explaining how funny the real Tool Guy is.

[Gina Grad]

Well, you shouldn't love this guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you, boy, he's good for you. No, he's doing what you should be doing, except for you can't, because he's good. Like, that's what's implied. At least that's what I'm hearing.

[Brian Whitman]

That's what you're hearing.

[Adam Carolla]

And this guy's a snob, too. He's like a comedy snob. He's a director of an improv troupe, you know, so when he was telling me, it was really killing me. He's also the guy I said to once. I said, look, I've been doing this improv sketch comedy thing for about three years. I want an honest assistant assessment. What do you see me as? Performer or writer? Because you do both when you do that. And he paused and went, definitely writer. And I went, I can't type, though. I can't spell. I can't do anything. And he's like, yeah, I see you as a writer. And I was like, you've seen me on stage 200 times. Like, yeah, you're right. Going with writer.

[Gina Grad]

I gave my answer.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I gave my answer. Sticking to it.

[RJ Bell]

Did you ever watch Tim's stuff or Home Improvement or any of that stuff with the same eye that a doctor will watch one of those medical dramas? Do you ever look at it and.

[Adam Carolla]

Be like, yeah, he's always like, I'm gonna take this washing machine and put a small block Chevy.

[Brian Whitman]

That was network. They took the first year of my. Almost my entire act, which was a story in itself because we don't have a union comedian, so we don't really own our material, according to the Writers Guild. So if a writer writes my material down and I word it on a TV show, he now owns my material.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, you're at.

[Brian Whitman]

And that happened the first two years of the show, and they were renegotiating aggressively, as Disney can do. And they said, in a way. They said, we could stop you from doing concerts. I said, like to see a try that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they really say we own the material now.

[Brian Whitman]

The Writers Guild said, we do own the material now. All that grunting is ours. Because it was startling revelation. I said, it got into this where we're literally cabaret acts. I think it's strippers in comics and maybe jazz musicians. We're in this group that doesn't have any union. We don't have any protection. No one protects our material for us.

[Adam Carolla]

It's interesting. I wish I had some to protect. Speaking of protection, you need LifeLock Equifax breach. Man, it just got bigger. They've added 2.5 million people to the list. And Yahoo's 2013 breach impacted 3 billion accounts, three times their estimate. Thieves can buy your info on the dark web, use it to open new accounts, commit crimes, even steal from your 401. Now's the time to get protection with LifeLock. I've got it. My wife has it. My kids have it. If you have a Social Security number, you need lifelock. You're on the Internet all day long. You're buying. Your information's out there. It's time to get protection with LifeLock. So the proprietary technology detects a wide range of identity threats and will alert you if your info is being used. It's a couple of bucks a month. It's really pretty cheap. It's. That's the price of doing business in 2017. Protect yourself. Just like you drive a car, and it's great, and you have car insurance, you get LifeLock. LifeLock. Dawson. No one can prevent all identity theft or monitor all transactions at all businesses. But LifeLock can help you see more.

[Paul]

Than if you're just monitoring your credit.

[Adam Carolla]

Go to lifelock.com or call 1-800-lifelock. Use promo code ADAM. That's ADAM. For 10% off your LifeLock membership, visit lifelock.com and save 10% now. Yeah, right. Should we do a little news? Gina Grad and Tim Allen can hang out and crack wise in the website. Timallen.com is where you can go. You can find out all about live shows and everything you need to know. And also a new movie coming up on Netflix, El Camino Christmas that's coming in December. Directed by Ted Melfi. Huh?

[Brian Whitman]

David Talbert. Ted Melfi, Hidden Figures wrote it. David Talbert, the playwright, he's directed it.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, well, it says directed by.

[Brian Whitman]

Ted Melfi, and it's not a Christmas movie for kids. I just want to. It's a very dark, dark, very dark comedy. Lot of killing and bad language and. But it's very funny.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's do a little news. Gina Gr.

[Gina Grad]

Let's do it.

[Adam Carolla]

Give me the news with Gr. News with Gina Grad. Breaking viral.

[Paul]

All those Crazy Trump tweets.

[Adam Carolla]

Give me News with Gina Grad. Trouble in the Middle East. Celebrity drunk meltdown. Seek News with Gina Gina.

[Paul]

The News with gina grad.

[Gina Grad]

Well, ABC's Jimmy Kimmel Live is featuring guest hosts this week. According to deadline.com Kimmel's show explained in an email his son Billy's scheduled second heart surgery had to be postponed because he had a cold. In May, Kimmel announced on his show that his son had been born with a heart defect and would need multiple heart surgeries. Any. Any word how he's doing?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I. I got an email from Jimmy. Well, the first one was canceling his party in Vegas, his birthday party, and then that was because of Billy's operation. Too close. So the first one was, the party's canceled. Then the second one was, he's got this infection, which I think he just kind of described like a cold.

[Gina Grad]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Although we have to say common cold, exotic cold, leisure, like having cold. And then did the thing, which is don't bother us, which is, we appreciate all of the emails and the concern and the toys. We are now resting. You know, it's like, please leave us alone in the nicest way possible. Nobody leaves people alone. Like the Ace man, I am so good at leaving people alone when they go. We just want. We're overwhelmed. We're inundated. We just want our space because nobody's better.

[Gina Grad]

Well, Shaq hosted Monday night, Shaquille o', Neal, followed by Dave Grohl from the Foo Fighters Tuesday, Channing Tatum on Wednesday, and Jennifer Lawrence hosting on Thursday.

[Adam Carolla]

It's good. This is smart. What you don't want to do is get a younger, funnier version of you out there. Get guys from all over the world, different departments, all walks of life. They're a little awkward.

[Brian Whitman]

You want awkward people in there that aren't quite used to talking in that weird angle. Yes, that weird angle in talk shows. You're not quite looking at him in the face.

[Adam Carolla]

No. It's fun for the audience. And it's. And it's also, like, seriously, like, you can't. Like, you know, it's like Letterman didn't want Jon Stewart coming up behind him. He wants the least likable man on the planet because you just don't. Yeah. Craig Kilborn. You don't want somebody going, hey, that guy did a pretty good. Pretty good job Dylan hunting you. I mean, that was one day. I mean, imagine we hit his rhythm a little bit. Not that anyone can replace Jimmy, but smart to get people from all walks of life and fun for the audience.

[Brian Whitman]

An animal would be good. Just get an animal. Yeah, like a dog. So you just keep cutting to him and you go, yeah. Not much to say, huh?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. What's the guy from Air Bud doing? Oh, he lost a leg to cancer.

[Brian Whitman]

Thanks for bringing that up.

[Gina Grad]

Well, Netflix. Netflix isn't betting on on Kevin Spacey going forward and plans to pull the plug on the hugely popular House of Cards. This is according to Hollywood Reporter, the streaming service has cut ties with the actor following charges that Spacey made, quote, aggressive sexual advances toward a 14 year old boy back in the mid-80s. Rumors about the show's demise have been going around for months, but Netflix has confirmed that the sixth season, which is currently in production, will be its last final episode of House of Cards. They're set for early 2018 and Gary has an addendum.

[Adam Carolla]

I like the idea that they had to have a safety meeting on the set like they do with the fire marshal before they're going to do a stunt.

[Gina Grad]

This many days, everyone get together.

[Adam Carolla]

Like if anyone is eating and Kevin Spacey lays on top of you while we're at craft service, here's what to do. Everyone have a whistle.

[Brian Whitman]

They bring out a statue. If he touches like this, it's bad.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. If it comes, like, does a backhand pat. Fine. Front hand pat. No, I just love the idea that they have a safety meeting about. About having to work with 58 year old Kevin Spacey on.

[RJ Bell]

On the sixth season.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, on the sixth season. He's now primed to make his move. He spends the first five seasons planning his attack and then on the sixth, he pounces. Wow. A safety meeting. I just love. I love the fact that we have to have a goddamn meeting about everything all the time. That's my. That's my favorite part. Meeting about Kevin Spacey. Also. Also. Sorry, Gary, what'd you have? Yeah, you're about a half hour out of date there, Gina. Not your fault. The show's been going on. They suspended production and now the six season is in question.

[Gina Grad]

Breaking. It's breaking.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[RJ Bell]

It'd be a baller move if Amazon swooped in and took it.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I say this? Look, I wanted Dayton to do this. When the Sopranos stopped, you had every single person, every cast member of the Sopranos wanted to continue. Continue. Except for Tony Soprano, right?

[RJ Bell]

Gandolfini.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Gandolfini said no. And everyone else, like, I mean, you're talking about a pyramid, a livelihood pyramid. Those actors aren't, you know, Household names. And they're riding a gravy train over here. You got one guy. I said back then. You need to just continue with the Sopranos. You get rid of Gandolfini and you replace him with Ted McGinley. And Ted McGinley, he always comes in and mops up. He's the closer for all TV shows and sitcoms. They call him Tony. They make jokes about his big belly and his bald spot. They do. They don't. No, they don't address it. They keep the script. You go in, you tell the script writers. You write these scripts exactly the same. It's same. Just say anything. We don't say anything. We just go ahead. He comes walking.

[Gina Grad]

He uses no accent.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. It's just, hey, boss. Hey, boss. That's all this. He goes into the street. Yeah. Hey, Tone. That's just breaking balls. All the same. Everyone would watch it. And I say that now. They do the same with House of Cards. They just get rid of Spacey and.

[Brian Whitman]

We get who goes in.

[Adam Carolla]

Ted McGinley.

[Paul]

Come on.

[Adam Carolla]

No. Anything?

[Brian Whitman]

I wasn't listening.

[Adam Carolla]

No discussion.

[Brian Whitman]

Kind of phased out here for a minute.

[Gina Grad]

Well, I'm sure you've heard about this, Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

So I started hearing stories about Kevin Spacey's dad and about his brother and about how the limo driver.

[Gina Grad]

Rod. Steve Stewart guy.

[Adam Carolla]

The Rod Stewart impersonator. And that his dad was like some pedophile Nazi or something. Like crazy.

[Brian Whitman]

There's a good comic.

[Adam Carolla]

Crazy stories. Crazy stories.

[Brian Whitman]

But you want to put that on a job.

[RJ Bell]

Special skills.

[Brian Whitman]

Special skills. Nazi, pedophile.

[Adam Carolla]

You always go pedophile Nazi. Might also be worth pointing out, just because we did a similar story around the Weinstein time. Family Guy episode from several years ago.

[Giovanni]

Features Stewie running through a mall naked, screaming.

[Adam Carolla]

I just escaped from Kevin Spacey's basement. Help me look up his dad and what's going on. But the story was. Is his dad was horrible. Kevin sort of became an empty shell. Like just no personality. And it strikes me all the greatest actors are the empty shells, vessels, the Jim Carrey's of the world. Like all the guys who do all. The impersonator who too can become.

[Gina Grad]

Be filled with the new character.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. He became Bobby Darren. You know what I mean? He's like Bobby Darren. He's. He's Mac the Knife. He becomes all the guys I work with in improv, there were. When they were being themselves, they were zeros. When. So guys like me are horrible. I can't do Bobby Darin for shit because. Right. Because I'm I'm filled with me.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

He is not filled. He's filled with horse hair. So he's able to take on everything and become that because there's no him inside.

[Brian Whitman]

It's horse hair.

[Adam Carolla]

Horse hair. That's what they used to stuff humans with.

[Brian Whitman]

I guess they did.

[Gina Grad]

Well, we have quite a headline. This is from the Daily Mail, and I don't know when it's from Gary.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me look.

[Gina Grad]

Okay. The headline says, exclusive. Kevin Spacey's father was Nazi child rapist who hated Jews and sexually abused his own son for years. And their mother knew, claims actor's brother.

[Giovanni]

This is from yesterday.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, my God. So here we go.

[Adam Carolla]

Tim, do you have a brother?

[Brian Whitman]

I have. There's nine kids in my family. Seven boys, two girls.

[Adam Carolla]

So here's the deal. Either you have to limit your success in life. Too late for that. Or they have to be very successful. Or you have to kill them. You can't have a situation where you're wildly successful and they're doing Rod Stewart impersonation donations from inside of an Uber. Because when the shit goes down, they start flapping their gums. And my sister understands. And she understands that I'm keeping my success to sort of, you know, fours and fives in a Midland thing, but she understands if I break, she's gotta go. She understands. She knows the game.

[Brian Whitman]

My mother has kept it very. My mother's very good at this. She said, if someone says, you're boy, Tim's really done well, my mom always cuts it. I love all my children. That's good. And I brought. Did two shows in Detroit at the Royal Lake Music Theater. Very. Saw a lot of rock and roll acts there. It's one of. It's one of these deals. You go to this theater now, it's a dream.

[Adam Carolla]

You're coming back to play back there.

[Brian Whitman]

I call my mom. I said, I'll get you up front. I can Uber you down to the show. And you get. All my other brothers are showing up. I get you in the front row. My mom just goes, tim, I've seen the show.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Brian Whitman]

Thanks, Mom. That's good. That's good.

[Adam Carolla]

Or you could do what my mom does, which is overcompensate with the accomplishment of others.

[Brian Whitman]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Did hear that your sister's got her ankle bracelet removed and she can now go to the mailbox. Not bad. Not too shabby. I'm playing the wheel turn. Not too shabby with the ankle bracelet, though, right? She will be featured in Hoarders coming up this month as well. So we Got a couple celebrities.

[Brian Whitman]

My mother looked one day, I said, because I was so excited I could buy a fancy car. And she goes, well, that's just. That's a. That's a big. It was a Mercedes 500E and it was a big deal for me. And I said, well, I told her what my. My check was, the first one we did renegotiate home improvement. It was a serious upgrade in cash. I told her what they paid me, and she said without a pause, she goes, that's obscene.

[Adam Carolla]

I love it. I said.

[Brian Whitman]

I said, jesus, mom, there's five things you could have said just then. That's a lot of money, right? Save. Well, a lot of people don't make money like that. Boy, that's a lot of money for what you do.

[RJ Bell]

Congratulations.

[Brian Whitman]

Congratulations. How about you've earned anything. You've earned it anything instead. Oh, that is absolutely seen.

[Adam Carolla]

We should have some sort of mom off.

[Gina Grad]

Would that be considered judo?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, judo. Yeah. They use your own momentum, take you down to the ground. So what are you reading there?

[Gina Grad]

No, just making a check.

[Brian Whitman]

But I know judo.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Well, a growing number of pet owners are trying to pass off their little friends or furry friends as service animals designed to help those with disability.

[Adam Carolla]

Nobody could have anticipated this.

[Gina Grad]

According to Breitbart and Adam. And some states are trying to stop this practice. 19, in fact, states are cracking down on people who try to use theirs, their pets as service animals when they do not have a medical condition that warrants one. So here's a couple examples from two states. Virginia's state legislator. They passed a law in July 2016 that makes it illegal for dog owners to fit their pets with harnesses that are commonly used by service dogs. That will set you back $250 fine.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's the thing. If you're traveling with your dog, you're going to the market with your dog, going anywhere with your dog, and your dog has a leash, you're out. It's got to a handle, right?

[Gina Grad]

A harness.

[Adam Carolla]

You put a handle on that dog, you treat it like a lunch pail from the 70s. I'm fine. You put a rope on it. It's eight foot long. That dog's not doing anything but sniffing some other dog's ass while you're in the frozen food.

[Brian Whitman]

What's the point of this? What? Why would they want to do this? So just they could take their dog on an airplane.

[Gina Grad]

There's been an influx. A real.

[Adam Carolla]

Everybody wants to travel.

[Brian Whitman]

I don't want to. I don't want to outer. But we have a very good. One of. My best friend's mom has a service dog. And I'm not quite sure because now everywhere we go, because I invite that family a lot, that dog shows up. And I said, what?

[Adam Carolla]

What is the service?

[Brian Whitman]

Well, I think she doesn't hear very well. And when she takes out her hearing piece, she's. She would be. We'd know the hot fire alarm so the dog can recognize fire alarms.

[Gina Grad]

That's legitimate.

[Adam Carolla]

I think I gotta check with the board because you have to drop something.

[Gina Grad]

Behind her, see if she turns around.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, yeah, because anything that's physical, anything emotional, I don't need the dog. I don't need the dog.

[Gina Grad]

So Colorado's cracking down, too. Some groups, such as the National Education for Assistance Dog Services, they're proposing more drastic solutions, like making a national registry for service animals to crack down on all that.

[Adam Carolla]

Or we could just go back and have a little bit of dignity, which is if you don't need your goddamn dog, then you don't travel with your goddamn. Remember how things used to be?

[Brian Whitman]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

We didn't have a whole bunch of rules.

[Brian Whitman]

Yeah, you don't want to go back.

[Adam Carolla]

We had a little dignity. We had a little common courtesy. Maybe folks don't want to share your Southwest flight with your dog, but if you're blind or if you have a serious condition, then we do understand more compassion.

[Brian Whitman]

Wasn't there a class when we were kids called Ethics?

[Gina Grad]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, the golden rule.

[Brian Whitman]

Just ethics. I don't know what. It's proper behavior. I don't know where that is. I don't. One of my grandmas was always, always about that. Sit up straight.

[Adam Carolla]

She taught us. La Unified. Replace that with Chicano studies. We don't have ethics anymore, just Chicana studies.

[Gina Grad]

Ethnics, not ethics.

[Adam Carolla]

Ethnics. Ethnics. Ethnics.

[Brian Whitman]

Sounds like a band.

[Adam Carolla]

Ethics has been changed by ethnics. All right, let me tell you about TrueCar. TrueCar, man. You want to buy new, you want to buy used, you want to get one of my cars used or Tim cars used. Over 700,000 pre owned vehicles from over 13,000 TrueCar certified dealers nationwide. Whether you're looking to buy new or you're looking to buy used, you go with TrueCar own Chris, Max Pata one over there. Got himself a Prius with 200 miles on it. So it was used, but it's practically new. See what others paid for the car you want. Get your fair price. Lock in your price. Get connected with your local certified dealer. Enjoy quick, easy buying experience. So once. Once Again, when you're ready to buy new or you're ready to buy used, you go online apples to apples. You find the car with all the bells and whistles and all the stuff you want, figure out what everyone else is paying, lock in your price, get your certificate and hit the truecar dealer, certified dealer, and pick it up. It is true car, some features not available in all states. All right, let's do one more. Gina Craig.

[Gina Grad]

Alright. Well, summer may be for flings, but fall apparently is for commitment. And analysis of Facebook data found that more people change their relationship statuses from single to in a relationship or engaged in the fall than any other time of year. And more people break up during the summer than any other season.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me shout out to all the non horny dudes out there, listen up now. Listen up, you. No, but listen, if you're a dude and you're exceptionally horny, you cannot exist in this society anymore. Your careers will be ruined. You can't because you don't get it.

[RJ Bell]

It's not the time.

[Adam Carolla]

Horny, whatever, God fearing family man, whatever. Fear of law enforcement, fear of reprisal. Horny goes right to the top of all the lists, okay? And you can't take super horny guys and have them go and travel and go to clubs and all that kind of stuff.

[RJ Bell]

Can't put them in positions.

[Adam Carolla]

You will get into trouble. All the guys we're talking about whose careers you know, O'Reilly and Weinstein and the list, the list just keeps going and going and going. They got a horny motor, horny motor, horny motor. Isn't it, isn't it? Gotta take that horny motor out. We're gonna swap it out with a small Chevy V8 and put a blower on it.

[Brian Whitman]

But isn't it Joyce Brothers of all people. Long time ago when I was in college that took a bunch of feminist courses, it was actually to meet women. But I met the wrong type of women. Sure, more golf pros than the women that I wanted to be around. Sure, I love the feminist point of view back then and Joyce Brothers they made fun of. But every now and then a teacher would go, she said things really out front. She was a doctor of some sort. And she said it's all about reproduction, both sides. We've never gotten over that. That's what it is. Males want to reproduce, women want to reproduce. But women are much more selective about because they have a egg and the men have a lot of eggs or whatever. I get into this and it never, it never, it's just like an appetite. You got to control that appetite somewhere. At least be aware of what your appetite is. But every guy I like, I got a good buddy of mine who's 89 who's still talking about. Like you said, it's not going to happen. But I like the fact that a guy still got that in him. I appreciate a sexual drive in men. I don't like it when you understand the appetite is. It's an appetite thing is you don't eat a lot of sugar, don't drink too much. A little bit of temperance in there, if you understand that. Horniness or horny, I agree.

[Adam Carolla]

But the inability to harness horny. If you cannot harness horny and use it for good, well, you're going to have a hard time. Now, look, if you're swinging around with the Kennedys in the 60s, then that's. Or the Rat Pack or anything. No harness on the horny. Another high ball. No harness with the horny. And have a hell of a time. A lot of alliteration there. Another highball with everyone with their cameras and everyone taking to Twitter and the Internet and stuff. You are screwed. So guys are going to have to change fast. And I don't think that's going to happen.

[Brian Whitman]

I've been through this my whole career. Literally. My comedy is about men and women because I raised my. My old man was killed when I was a kid, raised by a bunch of strong, powerful women. But you're still. It was all boys. And you really understand what boys are about. If we're not dedicated to a project, literally give us something to do, we'll get into trouble. And that. That trouble involves appetites. An appetite for violence. I think we have. We have aggressive tactics.

[Adam Carolla]

Anchoring for horny, anchored for horny. Hunker down, hunker down.

[Brian Whitman]

Highballs and horny. I like that.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's bring it home.

[Gina Grad]

You got it. I'm Gina Green, and that's the news.

[Adam Carolla]

I just escaped from Kevin Spacey's basement. Help me. Gina.

[Paul]

Gina.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that was the news with Gina Grad. Well, something that doesn't start with an H starts with a G. Geico, man, everyone's got the to do list. You got to take care of business. How about you add save hundreds of dollars to your car insurance and you don't have to go anywhere. Just slide on over to your computer. Go to geico.com 15minutes. You could be saving 15% or more on your car insurance. Put that extra money in your pocket and take care of business again. You need car insurance. How about you save yourself some money with Geico? Go to geico.com 15min could be saving 15% or more on your auto insurance. All right, Sunday, November 12, Oxnard Levity Live with Doug Benson. We're doing live podcasts over there. And then the aforementioned Pasadena ice House. That's November 21st. Me and Dennis Prager up on stage. Love that man.

[Brian Whitman]

That's obscene.

[Adam Carolla]

Tons of wisdom. That's November 29th in Brooklyn at the Kings Theater. You can go to mcroll.com and chassis two S's and Y, and check out all the racing docks and all that kind of stuff. And let's not forget Tim Allen this Friday and Saturday, November 3rd and 4th at the Mirage in Las Vegas. And then live dates all over the place. Go to Tim Allen.com and let's keep an eye out for the that El Camino Christmas coming in December to what, seeing Netflix, everybody. Thanks, Tim.

[Brian Whitman]

Thanks very much.

[Adam Carolla]

So until next time, Adam CR For Tim Allen, Gina Grald, Brine. Oh, and Mark Garrigus saying, mahalo.

[Brian Whitman]

I appreciate a sexual drive in men.

[Giovanni]

All right, That's Adam Coloso, 2193 with Tim Allen that does a brace Corporation Classics. Make sure to tune Tomorrow for my own installment. Until then, mahalo. And get it on.