Bryan Cranston + Joe Rogan (Carolla Classics)

Summary

Detailed Summary of "Bryan Cranston + Joe Rogan (Carolla Classics)" Episode of The Adam Carolla Show

Release Date: February 1, 2025

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I. Introduction

The episode kicks off with a nostalgic segment titled "Corolla Classics," hosted by Teresa Strasser. She introduces highlights and memorable moments from the past 15 years of The Adam Carolla Show, setting the stage for a blend of humor, candid discussions, and engaging interactions with various guests.

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II. Main Discussions

A. Airplane Travel and First-Class Frustrations

Brian Bishop and Larry Miller dive into a humorous rant about their experiences with first-class airplane travel, highlighting the lack of comfort and the inefficiency of return on ad spend (ROAS) in B2B marketing, drawing a parallel to marketing strategies.

• Notable Quote:

  Brian Bishop (02:29): "The Pacer pretty much said, look, we ain't pretty, we ain't proud... but you can't parallel park."

B. Food Poisoning Anecdotes

Both hosts share personal stories about battling food poisoning during their travels, emphasizing the unpredictability of airline meals and the impact of poor food quality on their trips.

• Notable Quote:

  Teresa Strasser (05:31): "I have Breaking Bad on my TiVo. I haven't seen it yet, but it looks cool on my list."

C. Earthquake Safety Structures and Personal Experiences

Brian Bishop discusses the best structures to withstand earthquakes, sharing insights from his experience during a hurricane and reflecting on the importance of proper building techniques.

• Notable Quote:

  Brian Bishop (06:18): "We get Emmys and awards, but how about that?"

D. Airplane Service Complaints and Humorous Proposals

The conversation shifts to the frustrations with airplane service, particularly the rigidity of flight attendants during turbulence. They humorously propose outfitting flight attendants with protective gear to handle rough flights.

• Notable Quote:

  Brian Bishop (08:55): "Well, what do you want to do? Well, why do stewards have to, you know, be dressed like that?"

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III. News Segment with Teresa Strasser

Teresa Strasser presents a series of bizarre and sensational news stories, intertwining them with humorous commentary from the hosts.

A. Anti-Semitic Hate Crimes in Amsterdam

A disturbing incident where a student throws a live puppy at Hells Angels members, leading to a significant traffic jam. The issue raises concerns about rising hate crimes against the Jewish community.

• Notable Quote:

  Teresa Strasser (07:45): "As of 1993, people who work for a company with 50 or more employees are generally entitled to 12 weeks unpaid leave..."

B. Gruesome Prison Crimes

Details a gruesome event in a French prison involving cannibalism, shocking the audience with the severity and brutality of the crime.

• Notable Quote:

  Teresa Strasser (07:45): "He confessed to stabbing his victim with scissors, suffocating him with a plastic bag before removing and eating part of an organ from his chest."

C. Celebrity Gossip and Rumors

Discussion about tabloid rumors involving celebrities like Richard Gere and their associations with controversial groups, adding a layer of intrigue and skepticism.

• Notable Quote:

  Brian Bishop (84:56): "They don't really. They're like magicians. They give the illusion..."

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IV. Call-In Segments and Guest Interactions

A. Randy and Bob's Humorous Exchange

Guests Randy and Bob engage in a series of playful and outrageous jokes, touching on sensitive topics with a comedic twist. Their interaction exemplifies the show's irreverent humor and willingness to push boundaries.

• Notable Quote:

  Randy: "What's the difference between a pizza and a Jew?"

  Brian Bishop (02:39): "A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven."

B. Warren Cromartie and Blair Sly's Interview

Warren Cromartie and Blair Sly discuss their careers in professional baseball, sharing anecdotes about their time with the Tokyo Giants and the cultural challenges they faced. Their conversation highlights the intersection of sports, culture, and personal growth.

• Notable Quote:

  Warren Cromartie (257:11): "What's your plan? I'll let God sort them out."

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V. Hypothetical Games and Humorous Scenarios

The hosts engage in hypothetical games, posing absurd scenarios to each other and the guests. These segments are filled with quick wit and playful banter, showcasing the show's entertaining and spontaneous nature.

• Notable Quote:

  Brian Bishop: "Had to get the clippers out, start cutting all the wire mesh and it's all even when you pull them apart."

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VI. Conclusion

The episode concludes with Teresa Strasser wrapping up the "Corolla Classics" segment and teasing future episodes. The hosts express gratitude towards their guests and callers, maintaining a lighthearted and inclusive tone.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Brian Bishop (02:29): "The Pacer pretty much said, look, we ain't pretty, we ain't proud... but you can't parallel park."
• Teresa Strasser (07:45): "As of 1993, people who work for a company with 50 or more employees are generally entitled to 12 weeks unpaid leave..."
• Randy: "What's the difference between a pizza and a Jew?"
• Brian Bishop (05:07): "It's actually fine to hear that in fact..."
• Warren Cromartie (257:11): "What's your plan? I'll let God sort them out."

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Insights and Conclusions:

This episode of The Adam Carolla Show seamlessly blends humor with serious discussions, offering listeners a mix of light-hearted banter, personal anecdotes, and shocking news stories. The interactions between hosts and guests underscore the show's dynamic range, from playful insults to deep reflections on societal issues. By incorporating diverse segments such as call-ins, hypothetical games, and in-depth interviews, the show maintains its engaging and entertaining essence, catering to a wide audience with varied interests.

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Disclaimer: This summary is based solely on the provided transcript and aims to capture the essence and key elements of the episode. Some interactions and quotes may appear controversial or offensive, reflecting the unfiltered and candid nature of The Adam Carolla Show.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

My dad works in B2B marketing. He came by my school for career day and said he was a big roas man. Then he told everyone how much he loved calculating his return on ad spend.

[Brian Bishop]

My friends still laugh at me to this day. Not everyone gets B2B, but with LinkedIn you'll be able to reach people who do. Get $100 credit on your next ad campaign. Go to LinkedIn.com results to claim your credit. That's LinkedIn.com results. Twitter terms and conditions apply. LinkedIn the place to be to be.

[Teresa Strasser]

Welcome to Corolla Classics. I'm your host, superfan Giovanni. This is the podcast where the best moments, highlights and fans like the clips from all 15 years the Adam Corolla Show. We have a separate podcast feed titled Corolla Classics with the ad free archives exclusively available through Adam Carolla substack. Check out AdamCorla.substack.com to get access to.

[Brian Bishop]

The ad free archives for this show.

[Teresa Strasser]

The Adam Carolla show, and to the brand new show, Beat it out, currently featuring Adam and Jay Moore. And if you'd like to request a clip, please email us classicsdamcarolla.com now on to the clips. Coming up, first day we have Adam Carolla Show 312 featuring Bryan Cranston and Dean Norris from Breaking Bad, Walt and Hank in studio. Check it out.

[Brian Bishop]

Get it on. And welcome back to the podcast, one of our favorites, Brian Cranston. He's brought along his friend from Breaking Bad, Dean Norris. Dean, pleasure to meet you.

[Larry Miller]

You can talk now.

[Brian Bishop]

Dean is the strong, silent type. Dean stars alongside our dear, dear friend Bryan Cranston and Breaking Bad. Boy, I gotta tell you, amc. I was watching something on AMC the other night and they just had the bubble the whole time like down on the lower left. Breaking Bad coming back, coming this Thursday, like our Sunday or Breaking Bad.

[Larry Miller]

I hate those little things though, don't you?

[Brian Bishop]

But not when it's your show, you know. Right?

[Larry Miller]

Yeah, I guess. I mean, it's nice to try to promote the show and get seven people to watch it. You know, amc. Not too many people are aware of AMC still, you know, we have to get more attention.

[Brian Bishop]

Maybe there's a stigma from the 70s car manufacturer that still sort of lingers. Like people think about the Matador and the Pacer and like, I want no part of that station. I don't want to. That thing was ugly.

[Larry Miller]

I don't want that.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, well, I mean, we're in. That car was the biggest, fattest, but ugliest pile of American.

[Larry Miller]

But the Pacer also had that, that slant back hatchback in the back. That was like a huge window.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, the Pacer pretty much said, look, we ain't pretty, we ain't proud. We don't perform, we don't handle, we don't get great mileage, but we're really wide. Like, when did that become a selling point for a car? Like, it's slow, it's sluggish, it doesn't handle, gets horrible mileage. But don't worry, you can't parallel park. Don't worry at all.

[Larry Miller]

A really fat person, two fat people could sit side by side, no problem at all.

[Brian Bishop]

I wonder how AMC feels about the irony of people collecting their cars. Not because, you know, most people collect Bugattis or Ferraris because they were fine automobiles, but you collect an amc, like a Pacer. There's a Pacer Club and there's a Gremlin. Oh, yeah. And it's become camp. Like, you know, in a way, like, it's like banging fat chicks. Yeah, but, but. Except there's for that sure, the Mile. The Mile Wide Club. Yeah. No, I mean, people will. If you make a shitty enough. Look, it's like being a really shitty singer on American Idol and having a bunch of DJs get behind you and try to keep Sanjaya or whatever it is. But I wonder if those people ever know or care.

[Larry Miller]

They care. I'm sure they know. How could he not know?

[Brian Bishop]

But you know, you do run in all those people who are sort of the butt of a joke. Like, whoever designed the Pacer didn't do it because he, as a goof, right? He was trying to make a cool car. And 30 years later, people are collecting the Pacer as a joke and they're.

[Larry Miller]

Fucking with our ratings.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Larry Miller]

I'll give you one thing there. There's plenty of windows on that thing really is you.

[Joe Rogan]

You.

[Larry Miller]

You don't have too many blind spots on the, on the AMC Pacer.

[Brian Bishop]

It is a terrarium on wheels. Yeah. So. But here's what we're dealing with, actually, as I was watching, well, I watched Breaking Bad and I watched 30 Rock and I talked to Alec Baldwin about this. And it's like everybody wants ratings and all that shit, but do you really want to be Two and a Half Men? I mean, what about all the awards and the accolades? How about that? I mean, in a weird way, everyone just going, I hear that's an awesome show. Isn't that the greatest compliment it ever be paid?

[Larry Miller]

It's actually fine to hear that in Fact, in fact, I think it was Mindy Kaling, who is one of the writer producers of the Office. She plays, you know, she plays that Indian girl on the show. She's very funny, very talented girl. And she, I think she wrote one of that in there. Saying, talking about who TiVo is, what they go, well, I have Breaking bad on my TiVo. I haven't seen it yet, but it looks cool on my list.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, you don't. You want. When people scroll through the menu, you want them to see that, you know. Well, let's, let's.

[Larry Miller]

The truth be told, man, the show now is getting higher. You know, everyone perceives Mad Men, for instance, as having higher ratings. We have higher ratings than Mad Men.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, really?

[Larry Miller]

We have much better demographics than Mad Men. And as a cable show, particularly this year, man, it's up there with the FX shows. I mean, we're pushing in that level. You add in the DVR views and you add all this stuff. So I'm standing up for Breaking Bad. Stop dissing on the show. We get good ratings, man, in the cable world.

[Brian Bishop]

But I, I am saying cable world, we do. Well, look, you get, you get Emmys and that's the, that's the important part. And you get awards and, and now, Brian, we. Last time we saw each other, I was driving you to the airport during a hurricane.

[Larry Miller]

That's true.

[Brian Bishop]

And you actually. A true story. You were going to hop on us. Did you wake up together?

[Larry Miller]

What the hell? Yeah, no, I did the, I did the podcast and then I said, you're not gonna believe this, but I don't have a ride. And Adam says, I'll give you the ride to the airport. We're going out to Burbank, I swear to God. And I was flying back to New Mexico to shoot the show.

[Brian Bishop]

The thing I liked about Brian and admired about Brian is while we were driving to Burbank to go to the airport, there were signs blowing across the road and tumbleweeds and farmhouses. I mean, it was as windy as it gets here in the San Fernando Valley. And, you know, people don't want to go outside in that weather. But flying in that weather, not a ton of fun. And the southwest flight, that 727 or whatever, that 737, it's a small ish jet. Yeah. And taking off at a burbank into an 80 mile an hour wind. Probably not the greatest day of your life, but no complaints. Like if I was driving.

[Larry Miller]

Thank you, bro.

[Brian Bishop]

If I was going get a little coffee here. Thank you. If I was going to New Mexico on a Southwest flight during that, during that storm. I would have just been, why the couldn't we film in Riverside like we were originally planning? I can't believe.

[Larry Miller]

You know, I, I, I, I vaguely remember the wind. I don't really remember seeing it. I was rifling through your glove compartment when, when we were driving and seeing what kind of paraphernalia I can find. You keep a very clean car, though.

[Brian Bishop]

Thank you. I run a tight shift.

[Larry Miller]

Tight shift.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, I just remember thinking, Brian's a much better man than I. He's got more fu. Money than me, and he's climbing, possibly to fly into a side of a mountain. And yet not a peep. Not a complaint. And I didn't know if that was a Zen type focus that you had in life or you're just fucking stupid and you had no idea what was going on.

[Larry Miller]

Well, I'll tell you what that is. It's a Zen. Like, I don't, I'm, I'm, I've never been afraid of flying. It's always been okay. And, and, you know, a pilot once said to me, you know what, you drop, you're flying through the air. You hit a bump, it's just air pockets.

[Brian Bishop]

It's air.

[Larry Miller]

You're not actually hitting something. It's just an up and down. So it's no big deal. I tell myself that shit all the time while I'm puking, but you're not a good flyer. Going into Albuquerque, it's always bumpy when we fly.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Larry Miller]

Because. Something to do with the heat or some shit.

[Brian Bishop]

So it's always, they're always like the.

[Larry Miller]

Way the stewardess are gonna sit down and like, we can't serve you any coffee because they're.

[Brian Bishop]

I hate that. Yeah, we've instructed the stewardesses.

[Larry Miller]

Sit down.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, I got an idea. How about they put a hockey helmet on and some elbow pads and maybe a catcher, you know, catcher's chest. Chest guard. And just have push that beer up and down the aisle because that's when you need it. Yes. You get the Vegas flight, you hit turbulence, they instruct them to sit down. You ordered a Michelob light or 20 minutes ago or three, but they're asking them to sit down and they never arrive.

[Larry Miller]

You sound like you're back in the 50s. You're setting women's rights back.

[Brian Bishop]

Stewardesses, those bitches.

[Larry Miller]

We might have rights.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, here about this. How about a plane that has a drinking section? They used to have a smoking section. Now it's drinking that's what I'm saying, you know, I mean, first off, nobody. I don't like being the only guy in my row of three. When the person next to you goes, I'll have a fresco. And then the person next to him goes, I'll have a Mr. Pibb. And then you order the double bloody margarita.

[Larry Miller]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

With margarita. Bloody Mary, the doll. And it's like you get that look. Well, really, 7:45 in the morning, hopefully.

[Larry Miller]

Hitting the sauce, hitting it, hitting hard.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't like the stink eye from the person that ordered the Sanka. I'd rather sit amongst my own people. I also want a, A, a person that sort of. She is just there to serve the alcoholic. She knows what her needs are. She knows that we're not good flyers. We're like little booze in our system. Last three rows of the plane, whatever it is.

[Larry Miller]

Absolutely. Why that's a good idea. Are you, are you an aisle guy or a window guy?

[Brian Bishop]

I never.

[Larry Miller]

Or a middle seat guy?

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, no, the aisle. I'll tell you what's bad about the aisle. On a long flight, whoever's sitting against the window is going to have to get up twice to use the head and they have to climb over you. Yeah. And I don't mind the climbing over part. I, I don't like the apology. I know they mean well, but they'll do it to the bathroom and on the way back and they'll do it sometimes a flight. I'm sor. Sorry.

[Larry Miller]

I'm sorry.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm sorry. So sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

So sorry.

[Brian Bishop]

Then they go in, they take a piss, and a minute and ten seconds later they come back. So sorry. I'm so sorry. Like, I gotta get that.

[Larry Miller]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

What? Like I'm gonna go. Watch your back. Couldn't you just. Couldn't you just stand in the aisle for the next four hours? Like I know you're Exactly. I was emotionally prepared for you to return to your seat. I'm not. It's like, what? This is you again? Yeah. This is an outrage. What are you doing? What's up with you? What's wrong with you?

[Larry Miller]

You mean you want to go and come back?

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, dear Lord. Can't you tunnel under the seat and do I really have to put my fucking People magazine down a second time for your ass? And then at some point, if they've had a couple of drinks and a couple of cups of coffee, if it's a six hour flight, at some point they got to make the move. Sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

[Larry Miller]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Again, again, they come back.

[Larry Miller]

That's why the. The best seat is the window seat. I like the window seat because you have control and you have power. In other words, you sit in that window seat. I have complete control and rights over that shade. Yeah, I am. Nobody else can say, could you raise. No, no, no, no.

[Brian Bishop]

It's me. And it's nice when you dial it in, like, you know what? I'm not ready for a nap. But the full daylight's a little much. Bring down about the three quarter mark. Yeah. Like my eyelids when I'm stoned. That's where I like to keep it. But now what. What do you guys do in this situation? You know, you'll get the thing where they'll go, we're now gonna show a movie. Could the people sitting next to the windows please pull the shades down so that folks that are enjoying the movie don't get that sort of sun washout thing on there. And there's always two guys in the front and the sun's just blowing right through and it's kind of blowing out the screen. You tell them, do you really?

[Larry Miller]

I fucking.

[Brian Bishop]

Hey.

[Larry Miller]

I'm an aisle guy and I always like to give. Not only that, I make it. I make it painful for the window guy to come through me. You know what I'm saying? I like to sit there like that. You know, we never want to sit next to you. You're that you with your legs splayed like that.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, go ahead.

[Larry Miller]

You know, just so he thinks twice, though.

[Brian Bishop]

He does.

[Larry Miller]

Maybe he doesn't take the second pee.

[Brian Bishop]

He's like, man, that was a bump, right? Maybe I should just pee myself.

[Larry Miller]

Maybe I just pee over here once and I'll hold it, right, Because I'm gonna make it difficult for him to come through.

[Brian Bishop]

You're one of those guys, you know? You know, you don't say anything because I've dealt with these guys. You make a noise, so you do that thing where you go, excuse me, could I get past you? Yeah, yeah, Weird.

[Larry Miller]

Like disapproving guys the next time, don't you?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, well, it does. It does. Like, whoa, this guy's so put upon. I would rather be told to fuck off than get the noise. I've had the Southwest flight a million times where you do that thing where there's two people in one row and two people in the other, but there's an open one in the middle, each one, and you go, excuse me, buddy, do you think we could switch seats? Or I could sit with my wife Just say fuck you or say no problem, but don't give me the put upon.

[Larry Miller]

And then especially on the. On the southwest flights, if you get stuck in the middle, then you have the armrest battle, right? Because it's like, are you going long?

[Brian Bishop]

Are you going to be on the front third?

[Larry Miller]

Exactly. And then once you establish. Establish that you goddamn better not move that arm. Brazil. I'm gonna take it over.

[Brian Bishop]

Tell me if this is a little presumptuous. The only reason you should fly. I think it's a. It's. Is it United or American that gives you that cup of hot nuts in first class?

[Larry Miller]

United at least.

[Brian Bishop]

Fucking awesome. It's a warm, microwave, salty, greasy thing of. And all high end too. No sunflower seeds or there's weird dates that have been rolled in that powdered sugar. None of that trail mix bullshit real. I'm talking cashews here, right? Warm.

[Larry Miller]

He's used to warm nuts. If anybody's used to warn nuts, I.

[Brian Bishop]

Will devour my little mini bucket of warm nuts. And if the guy next to me isn't eating his. I was sitting next to Spike Lee flying out to New York to do the marriage ref a few months ago. And you know, I know, I know he's not a fan of white people. I don't say he hates us, but I know he's not a fan of us. And he didn't touch his warm nuts. And the stewardess gave the. Y'all done here, Mr. Leaning on, yeah, you know, take them. And she started to take them. And I picture those things getting dumped into the head. And I just said, can I have those? And he just gave a grunt and I just.

[Larry Miller]

Wow, you ate Spike Lee's warm nuts.

[Brian Bishop]

I did lick them. But here's the point. Am I an A hole? What am I supposed to do? Well, who doesn't eat those? Who has a cup of warm nuts put in front of them in that hot towel you can use to wipe your face, by the way, when did. When did you get so filthy flying first class? I like that hot towel comes off. Thank Christ.

[Joe Rogan]

Have you been in the desert?

[Brian Bishop]

A motorcycle through the Mojave Desert sucked.

[Larry Miller]

The moisture out of the rest.

[Brian Bishop]

It's really like he just did the Baja 500 on an Elsinore, you know, I was like, oh, boy.

[Larry Miller]

That's the difference.

[Brian Bishop]

You wipe your face down like you're filthy. Why your face.

[Larry Miller]

You know, all it is, is really. It's really to see the. The first few rows in coach look up and they see those warm towels being Handed out. And it just pisses them off even.

[Brian Bishop]

More, thinking, yeah, look at them. Yeah, I should give a second one for your ass. And then you should just toss it over your shoulder so it lands on some kid behind you. Yeah, that towel, by the way, that towel. I was trying. I'm trying to think like the towel is sort of nacho esque in its window of. Of usage, which is when she hands it to you with the tongs, it'll burn your hand. Like it's.

[Larry Miller]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

The second you get it, it's too hot. If you set it down for a couple of beets and then pick it up, it's icy cold. There's a little window that you can use that really. It's about 20 seconds after she gives it to you, But a minute after she gives it to you, it's frosty cold again. And it's the same with nachos. Nachos show up at your table first. They're too hot because the cheese is dripping on you and burning you and whatnot. But if you wait 20 minutes, it'll just be a pile of mush. Stuff will start melting and the sour cream will start running. You have to catch it right in that window. Versus. I'm trying to think of the things. Versus pizza, which you can leave out on the porch for a couple of nights and just have another slice. No fall off on the pizza.

[Larry Miller]

Pizza is always good.

[Brian Bishop]

They should serve pizza in first class. They should.

[Larry Miller]

Absolutely.

[Brian Bishop]

Why don't they?

[Larry Miller]

I'll start complaining about my towel now.

[Brian Bishop]

I like that.

[Larry Miller]

Next time I do that.

[Brian Bishop]

You want the hot towel. Yeah.

[Larry Miller]

Well, I'm gonna tell them it's not hot enough or it's. It's too cold. And just have them come back and forth a few times with different styles.

[Brian Bishop]

I love. I put it on like I'm getting a shave in the 1920s and I'm like, in the mob. Like, I do that.

[Larry Miller]

It's kind of that thing when you're flying. If you're lucky enough to be in the first class, you kind of want to use everything they offer.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Larry Miller]

It's like, I want to use that. I want to eat that. Free drinks. I've got to have a drink. I don't care. I've got a drink.

[Brian Bishop]

I. This brings me to a. To a point, which is. And I know Brian comes from, well, proud poverty, but poverty, yes. Growing up in Canoga park or Chatsworth Northridge.

[Larry Miller]

Canoga Park.

[Brian Bishop]

Canoga Park. Making the pilgrimage in the Simi Valley to buy junk. And his mom's 55 convertible. And then selling it on the lawn of said S box in Canoga Park. Thanks.

[Larry Miller]

Thanks for making me feel good.

[Brian Bishop]

No, but I mean, you know. You know the value of a dollar. Yeah, very much so. And you're like me. You just. You don't like throwing away food. You don't like giving away stuff that's given to you.

[Larry Miller]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

It's. It's like it needs. I'll give you an example. I got some lawn furniture. It's made out of wood. It's falling apart. It's completely and utterly done. Like, it's. It's ready for the dumpster. And there's a. One of them is like one of those chairs that's sort of built for two and swings a little. Yeah. And so on and so forth. And my wife said, all right, throw that shit out. And I said to my assistant, Jay, before you throw it out, strip it. Get the hardware, get the nuts, get the bolts out of it. I use that shit in my building. And B, that the teak slats are still good. The body of the thing is fucked up, but the slats are fine. Take them, pull the Brad nails out of them, clean them up. We'll keep the teak. We'll do what the Indians did to a buffalo. Except for to the lawn furniture.

[Larry Miller]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

But don't just take. Because it has, like, brass fittings and stuff that's made, you know, sort of for the outdoors. And it's. It's their allen heads, whatever, with, you know, lock washers. And let's keep it all. Not because I'm cheap, but just because I can't stand chucking stuff. That's good. And when I've flown first class and one of the most disturbing flights I've ever had was a flight from LA to New York where I just sat next to a guy and they did that thing at the beginning with like. Champagne, sir? Or orange juice, right? No, thank you. Then minute later, you know, would you like some tap water? Bubbly water? Would you like a cocktail? Coffee? No, thank you. Then would you like the warm nut? No, I'm good. Salad to start with? No.

[Larry Miller]

All the private. DVD player?

[Brian Bishop]

No, no, all the way. Reach around? No, thank you. Hot towel? I'm good. All the way through the fucking flight. All the way to the goddamn chocolate chip cookie where, you know, you started. Now we have a warm chocolate chips and Mrs. Fields. Thank you. No, thanks. I was like, what the. Are you gonna eat something back there? How rich are you? What kind of. How. How self. Actualized are you? How good was your childhood that you can just tell this to hit the bricks? Every single time she comes by with the after dinner liqueur and the whole thing, and I'm always just like, bring it, bring it. I don't care if double, double. If I go into anaphylactic shock because I have a shot of this Courvoisier after dinner, I don't give a. It's free. You bring it, pile it up. I'll bring it back to the hotel if I have to. I'll sell it in the terminal. But no, bring the cookie. Bring it all. What is that? Who are these? I mean, I know these guys are rich, but I have money too. It's not that. It's a mindset, right?

[Larry Miller]

It is.

[Brian Bishop]

They didn't grow up desperate.

[Larry Miller]

There's something to be learned by that. There really is.

[Brian Bishop]

They're happier than we are.

[Larry Miller]

They don't feel they have to indulge, right? Just knowing that they could if they wanted to, that's fine, but they don't have to do it.

[Brian Bishop]

I get this Sunday. I'm such a weirdo that when they push around the Sunday card and they go, hot fudge, strawberry or tapioca, I go, yes, that's right. Let's do the suicide now.

[Larry Miller]

You know, there, there are people watching this who are going, I've never had any of these opportunities, you know, I know.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, they think I'm a dick, but I don't care.

[Larry Miller]

No, but that's, you know, I. I.

[Brian Bishop]

Am doing it for all the people in coach. There you go. I. I am eating all the food that they would eat had they had the opportunity. Fortune. If God had smiled on them, if he had opened the clouds and reached down and a shaft of light had hit them like it hit me, and they'd had the good fortune to ride in first class. I am doing it for every man, woman and child that did not know a producer from the marriage ref. And yet was.

[Larry Miller]

Just to be clear, right? I, I mean, I personally, I wouldn't even say when it's on my dial, I don't fly first class.

[Brian Bishop]

But I. No, but for anyone.

[Larry Miller]

Listen, that's just part of the. That's part of the gig when you're in show business is they have to fly you first class.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Larry Miller]

It's one of my favorite parts of it. In fact, when I was. When I had less money, I was.

[Brian Bishop]

Never one of those guys.

[Larry Miller]

I had guys who would trade in the first class tickets and pocket the dough. Did you know Those guys back in the day.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh yeah, Dr. Drew, right. You trade in the first ticket and.

[Larry Miller]

You pocket the dough.

[Brian Bishop]

He told me not to talk about.

[Larry Miller]

It to this day. You know, if you get a first class ticket and you want to bring your wife or girlfriend or something, sometimes you will you trade in the first class. I would never do that. No matter. Even when I didn't have any money, I always took the first class.

[Brian Bishop]

It's an insane sitting up there, it's an insane thing to pay for when you consider way overpriced that everybody. I mean, if you really think about it, if you really break down the first class experience, you get an extra eight inches in width in your chair. It's not two feet, you know, I mean really, if you really wanted to break it down. Yeah, you know, a coach chair is about. Yeah, it's probably about 18, 19 inches wide, maybe 20 inches wide. And first class, tick it, add another 8 inches. I mean 28, 30 inches. I mean you're getting 25% more ass width room in a leather seat and you're getting a leather seat. But you got one of those in your shitty car. You get an extra foot and a half forward, you know, behind you and all that. All right, so you get you, you basically. So here's the deal, all right, let's try to break this down. You're using up another seat and a half or another half a seat worth of space like the width and the length. That's what it's about. Half a seat more. Half a seat more. Okay, food wise, what is it really cost in the airline? $12.

[Adam Carolla]

My dad works in B2B marketing. He came by my school for career day and said he was a big roas man. Then he told everyone how much he loved calculating his return on ad spend.

[Brian Bishop]

My friends still laugh at me to this day. Not everyone gets B2B, but with LinkedIn you'll be able to reach people who do. Get $100 credit on your next ad campaign. Go to LinkedIn.com results to claim your credit. That's LinkedIn.com results. Terms and conditions apply. LinkedIn, the place to be to be $7. I mean at the most. Right, Right. Booze wise again. You're having, you know, depending on the guy. Depending on the guy. Listen, it evens out.

[Larry Miller]

It evens out.

[Brian Bishop]

Try as I might, I don't think I've ever put down more than 22 do cost of the airline.

[Larry Miller]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

Worth of booze. If I was sitting at a bar in the terminal, it cost $255. But. But, you know, couple of Miller lies, couple Bloody Marys. I got the little bottle with the smearing off a couple shots, whatever, dessert, whatever. Add the whole thing up, the dvd, the whole thing, the earphones, whatever it is, you're looking at two $300 max. Right. So the guy sitting in coach behind you is flying to New York. His ticket was $355. $400, whatever. Your ticket's $3,700 to me. Break even would be about $500 for your ticket turn a profit would be more, you know, $900, $1,000 to me. If you just asked a bunch of people who weren't familiar with the system, what are those guys paying behind you? 400 bucks. What are these guys paying?

[Larry Miller]

$4,000.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. It's insane that it's 10 times as much.

[Larry Miller]

So, like medical insurance, when you see the actual cost, put it at, you know, and then you see what the insurance pays. You ever see that?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Larry Miller]

Like if you look at. It's like what they charge you if you didn't have insurance is like insanely high.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Larry Miller]

And then they go, oh, the deduction is down, down to 75% of that.

[Brian Bishop]

Your flight should be an hour shorter for that price. And now listen, I know this is not going to make me Mr. Popular, but here's the deal. There's no physical way to do that. Obviously, we can't arrive as celebrities an hour before people 10ft behind us, but we should.

[Larry Miller]

We should be allow.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, there's a thin piece of duvetyn in my mind.

[Larry Miller]

We do.

[Brian Bishop]

But how about this? How about this? Just to make it right, they have to sit on the plane for an hour after we leave. I'm back in my hotel masturbating by the time the first set gets off the plane. What's wrong with that? Wouldn't it make you feel better about the $3,500?

[Larry Miller]

The only thing that's wrong with that is the image of you masturbating. Other than that, I'm with you.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm saying that would really. Because arriving at the same time and as I've said many times, leaving where they. This whole thing where they put you on the first class. Where they put you on first. Not a plus, you know. Hey. Now boarding, first class. So I sit on the plane for an extra half hour and get the stink eye and get my shin banged by Samsonite while everyone else loves it, goes by. What if it was a bus ride? That's all I always say to people. What if it was a bus going to New Mexico and somebody said, look, we got this bus ride, but you paid 10 times more for your ticket. Go get on the bus and wait for everyone else to load up. You'd go that. Load everyone else on the bus and come get me when we're ready to go.

[Larry Miller]

I look at this, one less drink I have to buy at the bar and I get my drink there.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yeah, I do that. I do that too. I do that too.

[Larry Miller]

Cash out early, I get my drink on the plane.

[Brian Bishop]

Do that. But that's a roll of the dice because sometimes you get on the plane and you get these. Sir, wait till we get to altitude. Sir. I'm helping other people because, like, when you're on the ground, they're kind of everyone's stewardess. Think about my idea of making everyone stay on the plane for an extra hour.

[Larry Miller]

I like that idea.

[Brian Bishop]

You like that?

[Larry Miller]

Yeah, I like that idea. And, you know, instead of a curtain, I think they should have, like an electrical cord that goes between the two. The two cabins. So if anybody really tries to get.

[Brian Bishop]

Through, they get that electrical shot. I will once in a while. See the guy from the back coming up and using the head. You're shitting up my pot. That's my throne. $4,000 for that throne.

[Larry Miller]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't need any knaves or surf.

[Larry Miller]

And that's higher class feces.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Larry Miller]

What you've got.

[Brian Bishop]

Absolutely. As a matter of fact, better than what they're serving you guys for lunch back there. How dare you inhabit my throne. I'm gonna hit you with my scepter. You're lucky I checked my scepter. They wouldn't let me carry on myself.

[Larry Miller]

Said no scepter.

[Brian Bishop]

No. Yeah. I don't like it. That guy, I don't want to say anything to him. I don't want to rat him out. No, I would like. I. I'd like, you know, like I'd like a velvet rope. Yeah. And a heavy set gentleman of color just standing there. Dark sunglasses, black blazer and black turtleneck. Just sitting there and having someone in the back. And he'll go, I'll ask Mr. Carolla. Well, maybe a little counter, see who's coming forward as, you know, checking id. I like that. Yeah. The velvet rope to really make us.

[Larry Miller]

In first class even feel better.

[Brian Bishop]

They form a line, right?

[Larry Miller]

Like they're waiting to get in. That always makes you feel better.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yeah. Standing out there, right. Like a club. And every once in a while I'd get up drunk and I'd pick out a hot chick. You. Come on, come on.

[Larry Miller]

Mr. Barolo wants to talk to you.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, you can come up. Come up to the Champagne Room and party.

[Larry Miller]

It'd be like Ben Roethlisberger saying, you know who I am? Take your clothes off.

[Brian Bishop]

A couple of homely chicks just standing out front. Sorry, sweetie. Maybe next time. Yeah, maybe put some paparazzi there. Just make it a club. I'd have the black guy rough him.

[Joe Rogan]

Up, break his camera.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow. Now we're talking. Now we're talking.

[Larry Miller]

Now it's a swinging first class, swinging flight.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. I don't go up there and maybe I'd bring my warm nuts up there and do a little thing where I thought and I do a thing where I make them, you know, desperate. Listen, I'm thinking about giving away these nuts, but let's see. Come on, let's see some titties. Come on, show me your titties. I'll give you some nuts. That's. Oh man, I think we've just revolutionized first class.

[Larry Miller]

That's a whole different. Yeah, that's a whole different ball game.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Party.

[Larry Miller]

I just got sick on a first class food.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Larry Miller]

Cuz I, you know, it.

[Brian Bishop]

Did you heave?

[Larry Miller]

I, I, well, not until I got, I was going from Chicago to Boston and they had the salmon salad, which sounded better, you know.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I know it doesn't.

[Larry Miller]

Never again.

[Brian Bishop]

But, but you know, salmon salad sounds like a gay move. What happened? Guy came over, he was a power bottom. I gave him the salmon salad. It was awesome. Yeah, that's slipped him the salmon salad. He's still cleaning up.

[Larry Miller]

Dry or lubricated?

[Brian Bishop]

Always go dry with the salmon salad. Hey, it's about friction. Ask anyone. Salmon salad's about friction.

[Larry Miller]

Keep them the old salmon salad.

[Brian Bishop]

You ain't losing skin, you ain't having fun. Give him a bare back with a salmon salad.

[Larry Miller]

No, it's no good no more. I'm not doing that again.

[Brian Bishop]

No salmon salad, by the way. The beef salad. The salmon salad. Anytime they take the meat and then they make it cold and then they add salad.

[Larry Miller]

Yeah, it never.

[Brian Bishop]

Doesn't sound right to me. Yeah, but what happened?

[Larry Miller]

Well, you know, it was, it was a weird thing. And I think it's partly because of the, the upbringing, you know, you don't waste food and stuff. And so I'm, I, I take a bite of the salmon salad and I thought, thought that, you know, this is not quite right. So I forgot about it and I'm just eating the salad around it right you know, and I talked to my wife, and then I went back and I forgot, and I ate another piece of the salmon, and we. Look, that's not quite. Yeah, that's not quite right.

[Brian Bishop]

Spidey sense tingling.

[Larry Miller]

Yeah, Yeah, a little tingling. And there it is. And then for three days in Boston, I was. I was on the pot and heaving, and it was. It's amazing what a couple bites of a bad piece of food can do to your system.

[Brian Bishop]

When did the food poisoning kick in?

[Larry Miller]

Later that night.

[Brian Bishop]

It took a little while, like, eight hours.

[Larry Miller]

But you start to feel it. Like, not quite feeling quite right. You know, it's like.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't know.

[Larry Miller]

Start to feel a little achy, and it's like.

[Brian Bishop]

I gotta tell you, you know, the problem, as I think about it, because I've never thought about this, you know, you were just saying, there's that little part. We're all sort of. You know, we're animals, and we're wired a certain way, and there's a part of us that's not supposed to ingest things that have. That are spoiled or bad or could do harm to us. So you do that thing where you take that bite of something, you go, what's wrong here? But the problem is, we got so fucking highfalutin with our seasonings and our cooking and our preparation that sometimes it's hard to tell whether you're tasting something that's gone south or something that's just. Oh, Chef. So and so, out of the Bay Area, we were doing the man show. And a few years back, and it was. Oh, boy. It was me and Jimmy Kimmel and Daniel Kelson, our producer, were the creators of the show. We were just sitting there at lunch. We're gonna film that night doing two shows. And it was lunchtime. Rehearsal lunch, shoot. So that night, by the way, going out to Spearmint Rhino for a bachelor party, all plot, all getting on to a big party bus and heading out to city of Industry to party with some strippers. So we're sitting there, and one of the things on the menu is a smoked oyster bisque soup. Whatever. It's like smoked oyster chowder.

[Larry Miller]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

And. And we all get a bowl of it, because everyone loves anything that says chowder into it. I'm fucking into corn chowder, clam chowder. Catch it, Chowder. Doesn't matter if it has chowder in it, count me in. And so I take the bite, and I give the same face. You made the little spidey sense tingling. I feel like something's Going a little bit south here. And I look over at Daniel and I go, this chowder, does this feel a little weird on your tongue? And he's like, yeah, it's a little weird. And then Kimmel pipes in. In. It's smoked. It's supposed to be that way. So of course you have to do the second. Yeah.

[Larry Miller]

So then of course, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

All right. Really? It tastes like the first, by the way. Here's how cheap and stupid I am. Maybe it's just shitty tasting chowder that I don't like. I still have to finish it. Yeah, yeah.

[Larry Miller]

Because that's the way my thing is.

[Brian Bishop]

Is if it's okay, well, it's not going to give me botulism. Then I'll just hold my nose and finish exactly. Stinking. So Jimmy goes, Jimmy, who's evidently some sort of chowder expert, says, it's smoked. It's supposed to taste this way. I said, all right, all right. I eat another one of those shitty oysters and I make the face. And I said, just something don't feel right. And he goes, then he digs in. Trust me. He's been deputized by the chowder sheriff to fucking settle my chowder hash, you know. So I was like, all right, Daniel, what do you. I don't know. Jimmy senses smoked. And everybody finishes off the fucking chowder. We pile onto the party bus and we're drinking beer and we're doing Jaeger shots and everything's great. Because now this is about four hours after the chowder. Now we're getting the lap dances and the drinking the beers and we're having a good time. And at some point in the club, guys are like, really, like out of a Porky's movie. You hear the grumbling, you know. And a guy, everybody there ate the chowder. And when you're getting a lap dance but you're seriously considering shitting on yourself, it really takes something away from the. Get off me. Get off me. Wow, does that guy hate pussy. So people are like grumbling and stomachs are rumbling and guys are going back and forth about. I just figure they're doing coke. Cause I'm fine at the this point. And then we get back into the bus and it's just a huge fart fest. And they're up there and then people are. And I'm starting to feel. And by the time we got back to the man show parking lot and the bus door opened at like 3am People are just running out just. And shrubbery. And it was like. Was that Monty Python esque disaster. And I thought you had the, the food poison. Here's the deal. When once you take that first bite, that's it. And it's bad. Do not.

[Larry Miller]

That's it.

[Brian Bishop]

Stop. Don't be picking around the infected salmon.

[Larry Miller]

I know, exactly. Or, or saying maybe it's me or maybe it's smoked or, you know, but I.

[Brian Bishop]

Again, you don't have a guy like Kimmel going just eat the salmon. It's supposed to be that way.

[Larry Miller]

Exactly, exactly. No, you, you think, you think, well, maybe I'm right. Maybe he's right. It's just smoked or something.

[Brian Bishop]

I think maybe we should out seasoned ourselves because there's no way that, you know, a hundred years ago when, you know, meat was meat and salmon with salmon, they rub a little salt on it and that would be about it. You tasted something that was shitty, you knew it was shitty immediately, but that's.

[Larry Miller]

What seasons were originally made for, is to cover that up.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, that's true.

[Larry Miller]

Salt, that's what it was. But it's also to preserve. Preserve.

[Brian Bishop]

I've done a lot of that. Had like goat in it, like goat cheese or goat, whatever, goat. But that confuses me because you make. They take that inhale because it's mixed in with the meat or something. You get a little. That goat ass going and you do a little. That is something gone bad with this steak here.

[Larry Miller]

I just think that your food. The indicator to me is that your food, when you put it in your mouth, it shouldn't feel like it's carbonated.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Larry Miller]

You know when it starts bubbling and it's like, no, no, no, no.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Larry Miller]

This is, this is done. But man, two bites of that.

[Brian Bishop]

And so you're just sitting in Chicago now and do you have business in Chicago?

[Larry Miller]

Well, we went from Chicago to Boston.

[Brian Bishop]

We were on a. Oh, sorry. Boston.

[Larry Miller]

My daughter is gonna go to college pretty soon and so we're doing a college tour and that sort of thing. And she's now visiting colleges with her mom. And I'm like, oh God.

[Brian Bishop]

And you're just back. How was it? How was bu? I had. And I was flown to Washington, not state, but D.C. we were on a radio station and it was the biggest radio station in Washington. And they do this huge event at RFK Stadium with, you know, 20 bands and 60,000 people. I mean, just one of those huge events. And that night, soft shell crab. We're going out for soft. Maryland, we're going out for soft shell crab. And we went out for soft she shell crab. That night, and then ran into, like, Andy Dick at a bar or something. And when you were doing the man show, everyone's like, hey, man show, Buy a shot, right? Soft shell crabs and shots of Jagermeister. And they flew me out on a private jet, and all they wanted me to do is walk out on stage at RFK Stadium and say, you know, ladies and gentlemen, the Cure. You know, that was all I. They just. Just. All they did was fly me out is to walk on stage, grab Man Crawler from Loveline, and here's the Cure. Or that's all they need me to do is a stage announcement. I woke up that following morning, vomiting and shitting us all holding, writhing. And it was like. But I couldn't just go home because they flew me out, literally, in a private jet, like a corporate jet, all to do what? Take a shit and then put me back on the jet and fly back. But rfk, like, the idea of getting to the stadium and going out on stage in front of 60,000 people when I was, like, writhing and vomiting and shitting on myself, like, I was like, but the good news with the food poisoning is you. Once it blows out of you, it does kind of get out of you, right? It's not much better having a fever for three days once you're.

[Larry Miller]

If you can. I had to focus on throwing up. I was like, going, okay, if I can throw up, I'll feel better, right? And I was like, I'm just starting to focus on throwing up. Sure enough, I went, I can do it. I lifted up the toilet seat. I sat down in the position. You know, position myself, and sure enough, bang on cue, I'm barfing into the. Into the toilet. Don't you wish you one of those guys who could do that thing? I'd never been able to, like, you know, they make themselves throw up. They make themselves listen.

[Brian Bishop]

When you suck that much, you're gonna lose.

[Larry Miller]

You're gonna lose that.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, you're gonna lose that. That. Yeah. You drop a pinky on me or you drink. What do they say? Hot mustard and milk or something?

[Larry Miller]

I just thought about it. I just use my mind.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, that's why.

[Larry Miller]

And focusing on.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Larry Miller]

This guy can. This guy can vomit on Q, man.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. I mean, no, the gag reflex is a. Could we do that again? Sure, no problem. One more time. B camera wasn't rolling. I always ask Drew about the gag reflex, because I always say, how does your. Your throat know your fingers in your mouth when you're not making contact with anything? You Know what I mean?

[Larry Miller]

Like, it's the mind.

[Brian Bishop]

It's just if I close my eyes.

[Larry Miller]

Something, you depress something.

[Brian Bishop]

No, I don't. You don't have to touch anything.

[Larry Miller]

Oh, you just.

[Brian Bishop]

Can you feel it? I can feel it. Yeah, you get that? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, I'd be a horrible gay.

[Larry Miller]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

I'd just be a bottom. I'd just be like, listen, it's just like, you want your dick stuff? You can pound my ass. I'm gonna.

[Larry Miller]

I'm gonna to be the receiver.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm gonna watch Breaking Bad. I'll be a bottom. Yeah, breaking bottom.

[Larry Miller]

That's breaking bottom.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, wait a minute. Has there been any porn movies with the title of Breaking Bad?

[Larry Miller]

Yeah, maybe. You know, there's got to be a.

[Brian Bishop]

Malcolm in the Middle porn, right?

[Larry Miller]

Yeah, there was. There was. I heard there was some kind of. Was it someone in the middle?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, you know, you've arrived. But culturally, when they do a porn.

[Larry Miller]

Yeah, you know, and of course I think it was gay porn though. I think Malcolm. Hey, listen, you know, that reminds me. I. I picked up a Hollywood reporter a couple weeks ago and there was an announcement. I'm doing a picture with. With Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts where I play.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow.

[Larry Miller]

Her husband. And it's called Larry Crown. And so on the COVID of Hollywood Reporter they have Cranston finds, you know, finds hubby or Crown finds hubby for Professor Roberts cards. So I'm thinking, oh, look at that. That's cool. And they got me in a picture of me. And then this is. Turn to page 12. And it's like. So I go to page 12.

[Brian Bishop]

It's only 10 pages.

[Larry Miller]

I go to page 12 and that. That's when it picks up.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow. Cranston, a porn addicted blogger.

[Larry Miller]

I'm thinking, what?

[Brian Bishop]

Wow. How did they know? Went home, backhanded his wife. You've been talking to Harvey Levin again. Ben tmz. Wow. It's a good picture. You but a porn addicted blogger. Blogger.

[Larry Miller]

That's the character. Yeah, of course. But it says Cranston is a court porn addict.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, that's a good point.

[Larry Miller]

That's like, come on.

[Brian Bishop]

It should be. Cranston plays a stirring portrayal of a porn addicted blogger. A. A Oscar worthy porn addicted blog. But not just Cranston. Yeah, that's. That's a good point. Yeah. Your kids could get a hold of this. That's right out. The truth about Daddy, which is not good. Yeah.

[Larry Miller]

Want to keep as much secrets as you can.

[Brian Bishop]

I had a. I had a conversation with my Assistant yesterday about, you know, I like when guys have serious conversations about porn. Like, you know, real serious. Like I, I made some reference about like, yeah, well, you know, the kids clear out and daddy'd just be sitting around watching you porn. And he goes, you porn. Try you jizz. And I was like, really? What's so great about you jizz? Oh, oh, believe me, it is so much better. And I said, I feel like there's more porn than my cock can handle on you porn as it is. Why do I need to make the switch to you jizz? And he gave me like a real, hey, listen, I'll tell you why. I mean, I'll tell you, I'll tell you why you like, you like John Holmes? Oh, sure, I'm a fan on you jizz. Go to you porn. Very light in the homes department. They have vintage, they have amateur, they have stump. Very serious. We don't have too many sit down one on ones. But the you jizz conversation was like, really? It was like, it was, it was a common. It's the kind of conversations like wives have with their, with their husbands about quitting smoking. Like, hey, seriously, now you have children. Now kids are starting to notice. I go into the den, I can smell it on you. And you come. What's that? If you just replace cigarettes with you jizz was a serious conversation.

[Larry Miller]

They're embarrassed that you're using you jizz when you come is so much better.

[Brian Bishop]

It was funny.

[Larry Miller]

The kids are being teased at school because you're still on the dial up for porn.

[Brian Bishop]

It was really funny because he was, it was like, look, he did, he gave, he gave the litany of like, you, you like you porn. You come, you schmegma, off, off. Those guys could not, not. They couldn't touch the hem of the gown of you jizz. You understand? It is, it is pretty long. Yeah. Yeah. And then he gave me like, like, you really need to do this. Like I was falling behind in my masturbation or my work had suffered because I've been watching like, you need to quit drinking. It was like one of those, yeah, Yes, I really need you, Jess. That's all I need. I like when I. It's the same conversations I have with people about, you gotta play this video game. Oh, fucking Tetris 5. I mean, like, really, I need to. There's one more activity I need to do that doesn't involve my family. That involves my television set. Really? The 11 hours already logging alone in front of my flat screen is not enough for you? We Must pile on some Hugeiz and some Tetris vibe. So at a certain point, I just never leave the den.

[Larry Miller]

And then picture in a picture of you, Jizz and Tessa slide.

[Brian Bishop]

You just gotta alternate. Oh, what's this? Oh, wow. Oh, I also like the slight disgust too. You don't look at YouTube. You can discovered you jizz. Wow, boss. I thought you were on the ball. Interesting.

[Larry Miller]

Now, it used to be when I was a kid, it was like you would never. You get anywhere close to saying, oh, yeah, you kind of masturbate. Oh, no, no, I don't.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh.

[Larry Miller]

Now it's like, what do you call it?

[Brian Bishop]

Of course you jizz. Now, let me next the tutorial on Louis. I hope you're not using that fucking Lubriderm or Jergens buddy, because I really. It's. It is. It is. It is insane because. Yeah. Back in the day, there would be that thing like when you're in junior high where you'd make fun. Oh, yeah. Well, Tim doesn't go out on Saturday because he's home spanking the monkey. And we even call it fagging off with yourself, which he's fagging off with himself. And there was always. You know why? Because there was a. There was a distinction between getting laid and beating off. Right. Where we've now decided. Now we're at the point where I'm actually beating off while I'm fucking. I've actually.

[Joe Rogan]

I've.

[Brian Bishop]

I've turned it into a Reese's peanut butter cup. I've taken my two great loves and combined them together. It's like that commercial where the guy's walking with the candy bar and the other guy's got the peanut butter and they turn the corner. Pow.

[Larry Miller]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. It's. It's. But back in the day, it used to be the guys that you were a loser.

[Larry Miller]

Huge loser.

[Brian Bishop]

And you did it for a reason. Like you had to beat off because you couldn't get late. Now you supplement getting laid with beating off or. Now I think we've realized it's a completely different separate sport.

[Larry Miller]

It is.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Wouldn't you say?

[Larry Miller]

Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Well, there's, you know, with. With someone else. It's a team sport and it's an individual sport. By yourself. Right, Right. Kind of like golf.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Larry Miller]

Masturbating is like golf.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. It's golf versus up to you. Like a crew team.

[Larry Miller]

It depends on. On your grip and how.

[Brian Bishop]

Sure. And your focus.

[Larry Miller]

And your focus and how you. Shaft.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Flexible. Your swing. Draining that putt. Yeah. And. And also Even it saw, I think during the Masters. I don't know if it was Tiger woods or couples or one of those guys, but had like a just two foot putt out. Just a. Just a gimme. Missed it. Tiger got cocky. Tiger. You know what I mean? That's the whole thing about me. And don't take them for granted. There's no chip shots here. You know what I mean? I mean, there's no gimme. He got cocky.

[Larry Miller]

There it is.

[Brian Bishop]

And it cost him a stroke.

[Larry Miller]

There it is.

[Brian Bishop]

You guys want to try taking a phone call? Yeah, sure. We could talk about masturbating in first class that now.

[Larry Miller]

Have you ever mile high class?

[Brian Bishop]

No, I, I have not. But I'll tell you.

[Larry Miller]

Do you need. I don't know if I know if I.

[Brian Bishop]

Do you know if I've never flown. I've never flown. The Virgin where they give you the pod. You know, the thing that's a reclining pod that. Yeah. Shade or something.

[Larry Miller]

And it goes absolutely flat. It's pretty cool.

[Brian Bishop]

And it has like a cover over it or something. I. They're asking for trouble.

[Larry Miller]

They're at. Yeah, they're. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Because once the WI fi gets going in the ujiz is.

[Larry Miller]

The ujis is right there. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

You know what I'm saying? Gonna need an extra. I'm there.

[Larry Miller]

Then it's worth the $3,700.

[Brian Bishop]

I put. Try your headphones on and let's, let's see if we can take a phone call.

[Larry Miller]

You got an extra one?

[Brian Bishop]

There's one behind you. Let's see. Oh, here. Yeah, here. Wait here. There should be one behind me. Yeah. Let's see. I'll just hop up. Got a question for Brian on line one. Scott. Yeah. You got a question for Brian? Yes, sir.

[Randy]

Hey, thanks for taking my call, Adam. I'm a big fan.

[Brian Bishop]

No problem.

[Randy]

All right. So, Brian, your range is huge, as everybody knows.

[Larry Miller]

That's not the only thing that's huge.

[Randy]

You got crazy slapstick comedy under your belt. And now drama with Breaking Bad, which I love.

[Brian Bishop]

Cool.

[Randy]

So I'm wondering what style you enjoy the.

[Larry Miller]

You know, this is, this is the, the greatest part of my career. So I'm, I'm really enjoying this. But it has some downsides. You have to work with guys like Dean Norris. So I, I, I think it's, I, I think doing comedy is, is ultimately more fun, for obvious reasons. You go to work and you have fun and you crack jokes and, and you laugh, and that makes the day go by really fast and fun and.

[Brian Bishop]

But now, where this new movie with, let's see. Oh, Tom Hanks and Julia. Julia Roberts play the porn addicted blogger. Comedy.

[Larry Miller]

Comedy.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it's a comedy.

[Larry Miller]

It's a comedy. It's. It's a fun picture called Larry Crown that will start shooting in about a month, and it'll be out next or the end of this year or early next year.

[Brian Bishop]

It is. Ultimately, what you look for is just variety. I mean, just like, well, we'll do comedy this project, and then we'll do something serious the next project, and we'll try comedy.

[Larry Miller]

Well, because if you have any success, you become a victim of your own success. And so before Malcolm in the Middle, I was doing a lot of drama, but the only reason I was doing drama is because I was doing a lot of comedy before that.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Larry Miller]

So. And then, sure enough, I'm doing drama. And they said, malcolm in the Middle. No, he has to be a funny guy. And it's. Oh, God. So you get to do that. And then seven years of Malcolm in the Middle, Then. Then this came up, and they said, you want the goofy dad from Malcolm in the Middle to do Breaking Bad? I mean, that's not gonna work. And it's like, oh. So you have to keep battling that image of yourself.

[Brian Bishop]

You know, I'm always surprised that Hollywood is not more sophisticated. I understand the population at large seeing the dad from Breaking Bad and going. Or, sorry, the dad from Malcolm in the Middle and going, all right, this guy's a goofy dad. But you think producers and showrunners and creators would be a little more evolved and go, I know this guy's just a talented performer who, once he sets his mind on anything, whether it's comedic or not, could do it. But the idea that they pigeonhole you.

[Larry Miller]

Well, no, I mean, it's. Vince Gilligan, our creator, was that guy. He was my champion to get this role because he said, no, he's an actor. He's the right guy for the part. And I'll forever be great into the X Files thing.

[Brian Bishop]

Right. Yeah.

[Larry Miller]

I worked with him on the X Files.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Larry Miller]

Ten years earlier, where you watch doing comedy.

[Brian Bishop]

Right, Exactly. Right.

[Larry Miller]

But I. You know, it's. It's. It's the nervous executives who go, but will the audience reject this notion or will they. They work out of fear a lot. They're just covering their ass all the time, aren't they? They're just covering their ass all the time. As long as they don't make the bad decision, they're okay. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Larry Miller]

So no one's Trying to make the right decision. They're just trying to make sure they're not the guy who makes the bad decision. Better to say by covering their ass, saying, oh, no, it's not gonna work. Not gonna work. They don't make the bad decision.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. And they do a lot of yes, is America ready for? And the deal with America is they have a super short memory, and they'll accept you at sort of face value. Whatever it is you're doing, if you're doing a good job, if you're doing.

[Larry Miller]

It well, then they'll. They'll accept it. If it's a. If it's a compelling story, interesting, like Breaking Bad is, then they'll. They'll go with it.

[Brian Bishop]

Somebody has a question for me. I did the marriage raft the other night. Last night.

[Larry Miller]

What? Aired last night.

[Brian Bishop]

Aired last night. Jason. Adam. Yeah, man.

[Randy]

This is an honor to talk to you.

[Brian Bishop]

Thanks.

[Randy]

Is this with Brian?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Hey, Brian.

[Randy]

I love Breaking Bad, man. That is a great show.

[Larry Miller]

Oh, terrific. Thanks. Jason.

[Brian Bishop]

Jason, you're. You're 24 years of age, and you sound like Slim Pickens. I like that.

[Randy]

Is that good or bad?

[Brian Bishop]

It's good. As a matter of fact, why don't you quote me something from Blazing Saddles, where you go, somebody go back and get a whole shitload of dimes.

[Randy]

Oh, blazing. Okay. He's a little bit of a heavy fit back in those days, though, wasn't he?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, but just go, just for me, just go, somebody. Somebody gotta go. Someone's gotta go back and get a whole shitload of dimes. Let's just hear, somebody's gotta go back.

[Randy]

And get a whole shitload of diamonds.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, good night.

[Larry Miller]

He's got a screaming baby in the background. Is that your kid, Jason?

[Randy]

Yeah, that's my kid. I work third shift, and I'm having to watch him. I'm sorry.

[Larry Miller]

No, no, that's all right, brother.

[Brian Bishop]

That's all right. There is no fourth shift, is there? Cause I'd like to add one.

[Randy]

No, sir, there's not. There's a graveyard, and that's what I'm on.

[Brian Bishop]

All right. Eventually turns back into the first shift. So what's your question, Jason?

[Randy]

Like to make one quick comment and then a question, if I could.

[Brian Bishop]

Sure.

[Randy]

My comment would be, Adam, is I'd like to thank you. You've. You've really changed my life. I was actually a missionary down in Mexico, and I caught your first ever podcast and started listening, and I heard you and Seth McFarlane start talking about God, and he really made Me, really, and things. And I've. I've completely changed my life. I've kind of went off the. The missionary path, and I've, you know, kind of. Kind of gone into secular work. So I'd like to thank you for that, Jason.

[Larry Miller]

It sounds like he's ruined your life.

[Brian Bishop]

It really does.

[Randy]

I wouldn't say that. But I tell you what, Adam's. Adam's got some great ways of viewing on things, some views on things, and it's really. It's been amazing. It really has. So thank you, Adam. Appreciate that.

[Brian Bishop]

Put little Damien on the phone. I'd like to speak to him.

[Randy]

Oh, he's.

[Brian Bishop]

He's getting ca. He was. He was off saving the world. Now he's just doing coke and getting tattoos. Auctions. Kid off on ebay.

[Larry Miller]

Child porn.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, so, Jason, what was your thank you and what was your comment or question?

[Randy]

Well, I watched the marriage draft last night, and Trump and Stefan were horrible. I mean, you really carried that. Are they that dull in real life? Did their comedy just not come across? Because, I mean, you would be saying something, and, I mean, then they'd hop in and, I mean, it would just. It would kind of kill your riff and stuff. I mean, how. How is it working with people who aren't that comedically inclined?

[Larry Miller]

Which is really funny, first of all, because. Because Donald Trump's standup is kill. I mean, he absolutely kills.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, you know, I saw him catch a rising star in the 80s. He did bid on airline food, ironically. He's a fucking hysterical guy. His earlier albums are just better than Richard Pryor. If you saw him live on the Sunset Strip, anyone has seen that special. He is absolutely unbelievable. Well, here's how it works. Gloria Stefano. Don't get me started on her. She's one of the funniest female comedians to ever come out of the Miami Latin sound scene.

[Larry Miller]

She had a leg up because of that minority thing, though.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, that's the. It's affirmative action brought her out there. Here's how it works, Jason. And you guys jump in Dean, Brian, and tell me, if you. Tell me if you think of, you know, misquoted somebody or telling tales at a school. But most people aren't very funny. Okay?

[Larry Miller]

Very true.

[Brian Bishop]

Most celebrities aren't very funny, and oftentimes comedians aren't even funny. But they're good actors. They write down jokes, they buy jokes, they steal jokes, they collect jokes. They assemble an act. The act, we call them stand ups. But they could just as well be called just performers, storytellers. Storytellers and then they hone that just like an actor would do a soliloquy from a Shakespearean play. They learn it, they learn the nuances of it. And instead of doing, you know, Macbeth, they're doing my girlfriend dumped me earlier today. Except for five years goes by and they still start with my girlfriend dumped me earlier today. So that's what they do. I always liken them to magicians. They don't really. They're not warlocks, they're magicians. They give the illusion that somebody disappeared and then reappeared in the back of the thing, theater, and then a poof of smoke. And if there. And there's a skill to it, very much there's. And the guys that are really skilled at it have a definite ability to do it. I mean, you don't want to just discount that. You go, no. These guys take years of training. So you don't see the wires and you don't see the body double pop up in the back. And it's a skill. They're not too many actor slash comedians who are just pure improvisers. So when people see comedians or celebrities and Gloria Stephan, listen, I don't know where you set the comedy bar with Gloria Estefan, Jason, but you had to be. You're not getting Sarah Silverman up there. I mean, Jesus Christ. And Trump, who's used to being in front of the camera and does his best sort of Donald Trump, not, not. Not exactly Will Rogers of our generation. But the. So the point is this. We're constantly disappointed, like, hey, why wasn't this guy funny? Well, he's an actor. He's. He's. He's a. Not a warlock, he's a magician. And you took away his props and you put him up on stage and you said, hey, man, make people disappear. Yeah, and he pulled out a deck of cards and he did a little something something. But you're like, whoa, you didn't. Saw that chicken half. He didn't do guillotine tricks. And he didn't do it. And he's going, I don't have my tools here. And that's how most people work. I don't work that way. I've never worked that way, frankly. Not because I'm better than anyone, because I'm too fucking lazy to write shit down and memorize it and regurgitate it. I wanted to just do it off the cuff. But I do remember, speaking of the marriage ref, I ran into Seinfeld on the CBS lot. He came up to me and he said, hey, man, I Listened to the radio show or the podcast or whatever. He said, you know that bitch you do. Rich man, poor man. How rich people have things in common with super poor people. It was like somehow at some point it stumbled on to me. I stumbled on to ultra rich people have an outdoor shower and ultra poor people have an outdoor shower. And ultra rich people have, have eight cars and ultra poor people have eight. They're up on blocks, they're rusting out. But middle, middle class people have two cars. And it just, I started really thinking about it. They have a refrigerator in their backyard and they, you know, it's a soul. They, they're, they're driven to the airport, one, you know, by chauffeur, the other by buddy because they don't want to pay for the long term parking and all that stuff. But there's tons of these, you know, eat wild game, like exotic wild game.

[Larry Miller]

And stuff, like whatever you can catch.

[Brian Bishop]

Spend the day in a bathrobe. You know what I mean? There are lots of, have illegitimate kids. Like there are many things that they share that the middle class doesn't share, doesn't have. Yeah, but he came up to me and he said, that's a killer bit. What are you doing with it? And I said, well, nothing. And he said, you could really turn that into a thing, you know. And I said, yeah, but I don't know, not on the radio anymore. But he said, you should take. And I remember he was seeing it through the prism of a stand up. Yeah, like he was like, take that bit shape, turn it in, turn to your. Here's your sign. Or, you know, you're a redneck. You might be a redneck, win and go to Vegas and make millions of dollars with it. And I was like, nah, like I'm done with it. It. And we don't do it on this show. We did it. We used to do it when I did a radio show, But I've done 500 podcasts now. We've never done A Rich Man. That was as much of it as I've done. And I realize a part of it is good. I'm glad my mind works that way. But the other part is stupid. I should be making millions of dollars with Larry the Cable Guy. Yeah, Yellen, get her done.

[Larry Miller]

But is that what you want to do? Do you want to go on the road and do that?

[Brian Bishop]

No, I don't want to do that. But I just want to tell the Jason's of the world world. The marriage raft. They sit you down, they take away all of Your props and smoke pods and fake buzz saws and you have to just react. And you're probably going to get that from a lot of people.

[Larry Miller]

Do they give you. Do they show you what they said beforehand so you get an idea of what you're about to see? Or is it cold?

[Brian Bishop]

They will. They do. I didn't look at it. It would be a. Because I'm lazy and. Because I'm lazy. But. But they send you a clip of. They don't send you jokes or anything. They just go, here's a guy who wants a duck and his old lady wants to duck out of the apartment. And here's another guy who doesn't want to use a gps. And here's a clip of that. And yeah, you can watch it and start to sort of formulate some ideas. Some ideas and some thoughts, but they're really never going to work. I mean, you're not going to be able to sort of shoehorn them in yet. It has to be organic. But, Jason, again, I think maybe you had the bar set a little too high for Trump and Stefan.

[Randy]

It definitely separates the weak from the.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm sorry.

[Warren Cromartie]

I just scared my little baby.

[Randy]

Sorry, guys.

[Larry Miller]

All right, I think I see the horns coming out. Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

Give them the sacrament. Let's move forward, please. Thank you, Jason. I love that. You know, which what I wanted to hear, by the way, was you changed my life. I was, you know, muelling heroin in from Nicaragua and I heard your sagely words and I decided to marry my girlfriend of five years and put down the booze. But I didn't tell him. He put the Bible down and stopped doing work abroad.

[Larry Miller]

He was a missionary, helping people. And then he listened to you and.

[Brian Bishop]

He stopped all that. That it's every man for himself.

[Larry Miller]

You've changed my life.

[Brian Bishop]

You changed my life. You've made me me self absorbed. And I've given. I've given away. I've given up all my philanthropic endeavors. And that fat guy with the beard who wants money for Biafra can go himself. I'm gonna shit out some kids here in Tucson or wherever he was calling from. All right, I think we have an earthquake related question.

[Larry Miller]

Really?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. You want to try that?

[Larry Miller]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, let's see. Hey, Corey. Corey. Corey was calling from.

[Larry Miller]

Corey, you there?

[Brian Bishop]

Corey? All right, I'll put him on hold. The Cory's question was, as a former carpenter, what's Adam's opinion on the safest structure to ride out an earthquake? Do you guys have any thoughts? I don't really think about where I want to be, But I do think about where I don't want to be in an earthquake. Yeah, yeah. And the first thing you don't want to.

[Larry Miller]

I don't want to be in the city that the earthquake is happening.

[Brian Bishop]

That's the first. How about that?

[Larry Miller]

That I don't want to be at the top, obviously. One of those high rises. Even if they say they're gonna roll on the earthquake, I don't want to be the guy testing that. Do you want to be the guy testing that?

[Brian Bishop]

No.

[Larry Miller]

They say they're on some sort of role.

[Brian Bishop]

You're the rulers.

[Larry Miller]

Yeah, but I don't want to, you.

[Brian Bishop]

Know, I don't want to be that guy. No, I don't want to be on the space Needle, standing on the observation deck.

[Larry Miller]

Being raised in Southern California like we were, were. We were always told you go to a door jamb. Yeah, but apparently that's not the thing to do. You want to go, for instance, you want to lie down right here.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Larry Miller]

So that if this ceiling comes down, it hits the couch and you are.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, you're trapped in a pocket.

[Larry Miller]

And I never got that. If you're gonna make it to the door jam, why don't you just go out the door and go outside?

[Brian Bishop]

You'll get hit by power wires. That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, yeah. Or something. Well, as a guy who used to do earthquake rehab but for a living, I can tell you this. The stuff that goes is masonry, concrete and masonry. This is why when there's an earthquake in Haiti or Nicaragua or San Salvador, any Mexico, any place where they're a little bit short on two by fours but long on cinder block. Yeah. The whole place comes down. So the no building inspectors meets unreinforced concrete on the Richter scale meets pancaking and disaster. So here's the thing. If you are in a building that is a wood framed building that has stucco on it, like most the structures here in the San Fernando Valley, most the house is built like you just take an old Spanish house framed with two by fours, lath and plaster on the inside, lath and stucco on the outside. You can't take that thing apart. It's impossible. Think of trying to. You know, when you buy a thing, you know, you buy like the scissors and it's like shrink wrapped in that plastic and you're trying to tear it apart. Think about that versus a piece of matzah. You know what I mean? Something that's brittle, something that crumbles. Like, let's put it this way all the kung fu experts, what do they karate chop bricks, Cinder blocks. They don't take, they don't hit plywood because you can't get through it. It just bends and springs back. Anyone who's done any demo at all, if you ever try to bust out any stucco, it's like it's. You have to get the clippers out, start cutting all the wire mesh and it's all even when you pull them apart, there's this two by fours are still stuck together by the stucco. K lath it's called. So you're not going anywhere. Stay away. I'll tell you the one thing we have out here that is dangerous, that does pancake take is concrete parking structures. The all concrete. The only thing, if you really think about it, the only thing we have that's sort of all concrete out here or one of the few things we have that's just basically all concrete because the high rise buildings, that's a bunch of steel. That steel's not going anywhere. I mean seriously, the World Trade center, those buildings were built in like 1970. Those things got hit by a fully fueled jet planes and bent over three feet and then snapped right back. I mean the fire is what got it. But structurally imagine that this thing is a mile in the air. It is hit at 500 miles an hour by essentially a ballistic missile. I mean those planes are carrying hundreds of thousands of gallons of fuel. It's hit at 500 miles an hour by you know, not a Cessna. And the thing doesn't budge. It just bends a little and snaps right back back. Earthquake's not going to do to anything made out of steel or anything made out of wood, masonry, concrete. That's where you're freeways. This wall behind Breaking Bad broken at Corolla podcast Cranston Porn Addicted 1 Addicted Cranston Cranston Crushed cinder blocked. Some call it poetic justice. Probably Cranston while in refractory period crushed by cinder blocks. All right, well that seems like a good enough note to go out on Breaking Bad everyone. AMC look out. Mad Men. Mad Men. There's a new sheriff in town. His name is Breaking Brad. That's the porn. That'll be the game.

[Larry Miller]

Breaking bread.

[Brian Bishop]

See my slip of the tongue turns into gold. Dean. God bless you. By the way. First car. Oh, okay. Yeah, thanks. All right. Don't hold up. Crap. I'm not gonna say when I'm getting out of the show. I appreciate it, buddy. Dino. Don. Give me that. Can't do anything right. Where the hell were we? Yes. Breaking bad, Sunday nights, AMC 10 o'clock. Dean A. I would call you a delight. Light.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, wow.

[Brian Bishop]

Probably never been called that before.

[Larry Miller]

That's a move. That's like. That's a salmon salad right there.

[Brian Bishop]

Salad. And Brian, always a delight. Until next time, this Adam Corolla for Dean and Brian saying mahalo.

[Teresa Strasser]

All right, There's Adam Kolla Show 312. I don't think Adam is still seeing Breaking Bad, unfortunately. Maybe one day. Come next, we have Adam Krill Show 348 featuring the great Larry Miller, Teresa Strasser, Brian Bishop.

[Brian Bishop]

This is after they changed formats to.

[Teresa Strasser]

The day and date Adam Crawl radio show style format. Larry Miller being one of their most frequent guests from that era and also.

[Brian Bishop]

On this era of the show. Very fun episode. Hope you guys enjoy. Yeah, a good friend Larry's coming by and we'll do our hypothetical game with him. For those of you who are familiar with the radio show, you'll remember that one. And if not, well, you just sit back and wait for the funny. Good day, Theresa Strausser.

[Adam Carolla]

Good day to you.

[Brian Bishop]

We got a lot of news to get to and many other things. Lee, a quick word for our good friends. Mangrate. You know all about these guys. Steakhouse quality grilling. Just drop that big old grate right on top of your. You don't have to remove your existing grill. You drop this on top of your existing grill. Grill. 100% cast iron, 100% made in America. Nice. Nice 4th of July special. 25% off retail. Go to AdamCarla.com click on their banner, their friends, their sponsors, their Americans, God bless them, let's support them. Also, here's something I didn't know we talked. One of our sponsors, Pinnacle College, they got the video game sound design and recording. They got the engineer programs. I did not know that one of the graduates just received an Academy Award.

[Adam Carolla]

No kidding.

[Brian Bishop]

For the Hurt Locker.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my God, really? For sound design.

[Brian Bishop]

Did sound editing and design, I should say sound mixing on the Hurt Locker.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, it's funny, you don't really notice sound mixing except on a movie like that. It's obviously stupendous.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, I will tell you this. It's something very interesting. Very interesting. After working on a movie. When you do a movie and it's not mixed and it's not sweetened and there's no sound in it, it. You don't realize that just a scene where somebody picks up a cup of tea and takes a sip and then sets it back down the table. There's like five sounds involved with it. There's the one where you reach and pick it up. There's the other one where you take the sip. There's the other way to set it back down the table. Minus that. It's. It's like. It's like eating after you went to the dentist. You know that feeling when your lips are numb.

[Adam Carolla]

Quite taste.

[Brian Bishop]

You know, you're eating a burrito, but it's not.

[Adam Carolla]

Your brain is quite taking it in processing.

[Brian Bishop]

It's not what it should be. Yeah, I am telling you this. I'm telling you when Rocky comes on. I just saw Rocky. What was it, four with Drago. You watch that fight scene and you go, wow, this is an exciting fight scene. Then pause it on the TiVo and then mute it. And then watch those punches miss by nine inches. Like all of a sudden when you see the punch minus the. The caboosh sound, all of a sudden it looks like a swing and a miss. When you hear the sound, it connects the two things. It's absolutely amazing. Anyway. 888-590-8824. It's Pinnacle College. You want to learn to do this. You want to learn to work with editing and sound and sound design and recording and engineering programs. You call our good friends over at Pinnacle or you can go [e-mail] but. 888-590-8008 24. All right, t bone, I got things to complain about.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

But I know you got your news. Can I just say this?

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Brian Bishop]

The Lakers had their parade.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Today, right?

[Adam Carolla]

A couple hours.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. And was took place from, I don't know, like 10:00am to noon or 1:00 or something like that downtown. Yeah. And every person that shows up should be arrested.

[Adam Carolla]

They should just be rounded up.

[Brian Bishop]

They should be rounded up because if.

[Adam Carolla]

You'Re free during that time of day and you're that much of a Laker fan.

[Brian Bishop]

No, just free during that time of the day.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, but what if you have a night shift, that you're a bartender.

[Brian Bishop]

Listen, I will sort out and you'll.

[Adam Carolla]

Sort it out at the station.

[Brian Bishop]

I'll let God sort them out.

[Adam Carolla]

Let God sort them out?

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, let's let God take out the bartenders and like maybe a neurosurgeon, he's working at night.

[Brian Bishop]

Not a whole lot of them. I'm just saying. I'm just saying this. I want a planet of the ape style. Like people riding around a horseback throwing nets all over everybody and just collect them.

[Adam Carolla]

But yes.

[Brian Bishop]

And then we find out what Are you. What are you doing? Are you on the dole? Why aren't you working? What's going on? Is that food stamp on you? Why aren't you in school? You know, summer vacation is your school. Year round school. Why aren't you somewhere right now?

[Adam Carolla]

Somewhere you're supposed to be at least.

[Brian Bishop]

50% of those people, at least are problem makers.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I saw a kid, okay? Because I don't live far from downtown. I saw a kid on a bicycle and he looked like a tagger because taggers are younger than gang bangers are like 12, 13, and had a mohawky thing. He was on his bicycle, but he was moving so furtively that there was no way he wasn't up to no good like he was. He made a quick move to behind a parked car, right? And as I was walking by on the phone, I didn't say to him, but I guess he overheard me. I said, oh, there's a guy about to tag my wall. And he goes, I'm not tagging, I'm just. I said, oh, well, what are you doing? I'm on my way to the Lakers parade. Well, why are you hiding? Because I'm supposed to be in school.

[Brian Bishop]

That's my point right there. I've told you many times I would. When the Raiders were in town on an away game, I would have said, you know, I've always said this all the time. Just go down the Coliseum, him put a big sign up there that says, free cock fight for Raider fans only.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh my God.

[Brian Bishop]

Every deadbeat dad that shows up that place gets arrested. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

What movie was this in, Brian, where they use this to round up the deadbeat dads?

[Brian Bishop]

I've actually seen it in real life. They do it in documentaries.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, this is a they operation.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, they do. Yeah, they do like tickets for. For football teams and stuff like that.

[Adam Carolla]

Anybody who would attend a dog fight is probably got paper on, but yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, yeah, either way, I know I'm t. I know, I know I'm turning you into a monster as well. But look, either you're part of the problem or you're part of the solution. You're either you're just sort of feeding the pot or you're dipping into the pot. You know what I mean? I mean, here's all society is. It's just one huge Winnebago filled with sand, and we're pushing it up a slight light grade. Not. Not the side of a hill, not a sheer cliff. But like, you know, when you're driving to Vegas, you hit a Couple of sort of long. Just you see them in the distance. You know when the straight. You know when it's so straight and so long you can actually see it sort of rising up to the horizon.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's where you overheat in a bad car.

[Brian Bishop]

That's where we are. There's a big Winnebago. It's filled to the top with sand and we are all behind it pushing. But there's a bunch of people that are like on the roof, barbecuing, partying.

[Adam Carolla]

Making it more hanging out.

[Brian Bishop]

Some are actually in front of the Winnebago, pushing the other direction.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

Others are just kind of hanging out. Like they're not like, listen, I'm tired, it's hot. I'm just gonna go sit on those little fold out stairs that come down there and I'll just, I won't, I'll try not to drag my feet, but.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll just be sitting on it, not adding or subtracting.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, subtracting in the sense that they just added 150 pounds of dead weight.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

And you got to push just a little bit harder, harder to make up for that way. Right? Now some like your serial killers or your Bernie Madoff's or your whoever, corrupt politicians, right? They're actually lying in front of the Winnebago, you know, actually lying in front of tires. You have to like push it over them. But most your people are just kind of hanging out, just sort of sitting in the Winnebago, using the microwave, making a Hot Pocket. Right. And you're out there sweating. I thought it was filled with sand. Oh, yeah, you're right, sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well that's the thing.

[Brian Bishop]

You open that microwave, sand comes out. Yeah, yeah. Worst Hot Pocket ever filled. Oh, sand pocket.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't mind rock flavor mud.

[Brian Bishop]

The regional testing was through the basement on that one.

[Adam Carolla]

I know the twig one didn't go over.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh no. This is worse than the bark one.

[Adam Carolla]

Bark I thought was going to be because all these environmentalists, tree huggers.

[Brian Bishop]

You know the only hot pocket that tested worse than the sand one?

[Adam Carolla]

What?

[Brian Bishop]

One called your dog your old dog.

[Adam Carolla]

Your old dog.

[Brian Bishop]

That's what it was called. Horrible idea. That's a good name. Horrible. Leather sole tested well amongst fragrance great Beatles. So the point is this. I now as I get older, I want to see people out back push it or at least handing me water.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't want them in the rv. And if they are in the rv, I don't want the attitude that I'm Getting. And I don't want them to tell me, hey, man, you don't tell me what I got to do. Now get back there and push. And why is it fair, by the way, that you get paid for pushing when I have to sit here and I don't get anything, you have a big screen TV at home, and when you're done pushing for 10 hours a day, you get to go and watch. I go home and watch a 22 inch Samsung. You got a 62. You know what I'm saying? Shut the fuck up and get out and push. Or at least just drop the attitude.

[Adam Carolla]

Make an effort. You know, My new thing is to go to the fruit stand every day and get fruit from the guy standing there. Because that was.

[Brian Bishop]

I thought that was the gay bar bar.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, no, it's awesome. It's always open.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it's always open. Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Smart cocktail at the fruit stand.

[Brian Bishop]

Hey, everybody, welcome to the fruit stand. Come on, have a smart cocktail. And hey, Wednesday night's free. Free HIV testing night. And also hep C testing it. And I love the song so much.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, at the actual fruit stand, not the gay bar, but the man.

[Brian Bishop]

I want to welcome all the folks used to go down to Mr. Pfister's before the health inspector close it down with a D minus. Come on down, man. That glory hole. Yeah, the fruit stand.

[Adam Carolla]

The fruit stand.

[Brian Bishop]

So it's happy hour.

[Adam Carolla]

I go to the fruit stand every day. Sometimes I don't even want the fruit. But I feel so good about the guy who's out there every day with his fruit stand.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, in the hot sun, making money for his family. He's pushing the Winnebago.

[Brian Bishop]

That's what. That's what I want. And look, if you have. If you got a bad knee, like, I mean, if you stepped on a landmine in Vietnam and you got a note from your doctor as to why you can't push to Winnebago with me and Teresa, so be it. I'm fine with that. There's a certain percentage of the society that is physically incapable of helping us push to Winnebago. And I would like them in the seats of the Winnebago, enjoying the air conditioning. I really would. But that's not 95% of the people that are in there.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my God. You take the number of people. You have turned me into a monster. It's happened because I was just thinking.

[Brian Bishop]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

You take the number of people who are on disability. And if you actually had the manpower and resources to Try to follow them and maybe get some video. You'd probably see that a large part of them was soft tissue. Injuries are perfectly capable of doing data entry or selling at the fruit stand.

[Brian Bishop]

Well.

[Adam Carolla]

Or whatever.

[Brian Bishop]

A lot of them just do the rodeo on the amateur level. So they're not really pros, Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Exactly.

[Brian Bishop]

No. Here's the thing. In this day and age, if you can sit up, you can work. I mean, really, if you can haul your ass into the office, you can work. I know. There's my back and disc and compression. And number four, Ryan's sitting here right now working.

[Adam Carolla]

He's got a brain tumor.

[Brian Bishop]

I never want a disability because you know what? It's a. Not a slippery slope, but it's sort of an opiate. You know what I mean? Like, you get very comfortable, you know. Yes, I have a handicap pass, and I'm very tempted to use it all the time, but I try to use it selectively. But I can imagine disability is the same kind of thing, like, oh, you're gonna pay for sitting around.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Two thirds of your former salary.

[Brian Bishop]

I wouldn't do a fucking thing if somebody just covered my nut and told me to stay home or. And I never would have done anything. Thing. Yeah. Hey, come on down to the fruit stand and get your nut cover. Hey, we got the boys from three doors down coming out here playing a live set. Coming up this weekend, 10, 42, 42 out there. It's 30 away from top. They are in a fruit stand. We got the blenders going. Come on down for smart cocktail. Take a me day at the fruit stand.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't mean you cannot.

[Brian Bishop]

So, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So this is an example now. Same with my brother when he was real sick a couple years ago. Was in John Hop, Johns Hopkins for three months. He could have almost fairly taken disability. Pretty tough for him to work. But he just didn't. He just didn't.

[Brian Bishop]

It's not a good precedent. It's just. It's not a good option to say, I want somebody to take care of me other than.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And by the way, if you are severely mentally ill, schizophrenic, and you really can't work, that's fine. But if you're suffering from depression, like my entire twenties, why don't you get a fucking job?

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. You've ruined me stipend. No getting. No. Because you are going to go from walking with a limp to fucking hobbled. If you are depressed and you can't leave the house and you have your Epstein Barr virus or you're like freak out. Like my mom, where you have your bio rhythm wheel, which was always an extra critical day. There was never a smiley face on a biorhythm wheel. There's never a slot that said drive son to Van Nuys. Or there's always just. It was just. Oh, no, I've checked. I've checked. No, no, no. So you get your food stamps, you get your welfare, you get to crash out at the house. The piece of shit house that your mom bought for a second house and was gonna rent out, decided to let you flop there and you literally flatline for 40 years. That's what you.

[Adam Carolla]

You remove the carrot because your nuts getting covered. So why should you hustle, dude?

[Brian Bishop]

I do not. We are no different than the domesticated animals that they take out of the jungle and they just fucking feed them and they just start hanging out. No, you have to get them back into it. All right. Anyway, sorry, T. Let's check out the news with Teresa Strasser from the International News Center. Next to Donnie's many bites, this is.

[Adam Carolla]

The news with Theresa Strasser from the New York Times. President Obama will soon expand the rights of gay workers by allowing them to take family and medical leave to care for sick or newborn children of same sex partners.

[Brian Bishop]

Tops and bottoms. Both workers.

[Adam Carolla]

I believe it's tops and bottoms. Yeah. They don't discriminate. That's the whole idea.

[Brian Bishop]

Gay workers. There's some sort of dungeon that they all just raped horribly.

[Adam Carolla]

Employees would probably make better sense. It's from the New York Times.

[Brian Bishop]

Hey, half off gay workers. Come on down to the fruit stand. Hello to you guys. Hey, show hands. Who? Here's a gift. All right. We have a lot of gay workers out here. You know what? My dad was a hard working gay worker himself. A lot of folks just being chased by guys wearing a leather banana hammock and whip nine hours a day, running in a circle circular. Running on one of them gay treadmills. Yeah, come on down to misfits. Come on. Now we gotta blend inside of. We got the. We don't get the pina colada. We got the bacca colada. That's right. Put a lot of colada on your backup. Where were we?

[Adam Carolla]

We were talking about President Obama.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, gay workers.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's call them gay employees.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, gay workers. Well, when you hear sex worker or.

[Adam Carolla]

Something like that, I know I'll blame the New York Times, all right. Usually an excellent news newspaper. Okay, so now if God forbid, something happens to your child and your child is sick and you have to take off work. You cannot be shit canned for doing so.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

If you're part of a same sex couple.

[Brian Bishop]

I agree with that, of course. And you know, you just get the same rights. I think you'd probably win a wrongful termination suit anyway if that did happen. But you'd have to go through it.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, as of 1993, people who work for a company with 50 or more employees are generally entitled to 12 weeks unpaid leave to care for a newborn or spouse, son or daughter with a serious health condition. Now this ruling is 12 weeks. Yeah, but you're not paid, but they just can't fire you.

[Brian Bishop]

I see.

[Adam Carolla]

And by the way, this I happen to know is for. At least in California it's for full time workers. Because my dad did get shit canned when he went to take care of my brother.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, really?

[Adam Carolla]

Job was not waiting for him three.

[Brian Bishop]

Months later where he volunteered to read to black people.

[Adam Carolla]

No, pregnant teens. Oh yeah, and by the way, when you get paid $10, you are a volunteer per hour. No, he works for AmeriCorps. It's like the Peace Corps. Anyway. No, that's the job he had to get after he got fired.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, I see.

[Adam Carolla]

What other job?

[Brian Bishop]

Where was he working?

[Adam Carolla]

He was rebuilding starters and alternators, generators and starters. And then he had an actual job, which where he lives means he worked in the prison system, but it was a real job.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, okay.

[Adam Carolla]

And then he had to leave. But he was. He was part time. 25 hours.

[Brian Bishop]

You're rebuilding generators. You are old school. That's.

[Adam Carolla]

They don't do that anymore.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, we repair Victrolas. Yeah, Betamax machine and Corona typewriters.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I need my Corona fake, right?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Can you re shoe my horse? I need to get home.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, saddle repair while you wait.

[Adam Carolla]

Anyway, I thought, gee, that's kind of hard.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, your weight is never a great enticement. I don't like waiting, so I'm gonna sit.

[Adam Carolla]

While you do make me some, I'd.

[Brian Bishop]

Like a place that said, you know, we lens. We will craft you like lenses while you go home and beat off. That's the place I would go to.

[Adam Carolla]

Or what about hay? While we fix, While we make you up some new lenses, you can hang out at the fruit stand. Yeah, it's right down the street. It's happy hour.

[Brian Bishop]

Whatever. Either way. Hey, I want to welcome all the folks that have been going down the LensCrafters. By the way, we got some prescription protective goggles for you to go down the bath.

[Adam Carolla]

Anyway, so this leave is now available to saint. But here's a weird thing. So let's say you're in a same sex relationship, and God forbid one of you is gravely ill. This does not apply yet to the partner. Yeah. It's just for kids.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, you got a long way to go.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. But, you know, maybe getting closer. The Labor Department policy, according to the executive director of the Family Equality Council, says that if you act like a parent, do the work of a parent, and raise a child like a parent, then you are a parent for the purpose of the Family and Medical Leave Act. So there you have it.

[Brian Bishop]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

Good times, good times. Except.

[Brian Bishop]

And we're getting ready to don't ask, don't tell. Right.

[Adam Carolla]

I think that's on the way out.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Most ridiculous. But people will look back on that and it'll seem like the most bizarre thing that we've ever done.

[Brian Bishop]

I agree.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't ask, don't tell. Worst cellmate ever. And this does not. I really. I don't think I'm overstating it. I think this is absolutely the worst cellmate. I almost don't want to tell you what country it takes place in to see if you could guess. All right, I will tell you. It is not Germany, which is odd. Okay, so a prisoner went on trial this week and acknowledged killing his cellmate and then eating a part of the man's lung.

[Brian Bishop]

Mm.

[Adam Carolla]

The man's name.

[Brian Bishop]

Who.

[Adam Carolla]

I won't say because it will give away the country. The flat. This. This took place.

[Larry Miller]

And.

[Adam Carolla]

Charged with murder and act of. Charged with murder and acts of barbarism. Told the court that he is now getting psychiatric. Psychiatric treatment and feels, quote, stable.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, okay, what was he in for? Do you know?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, he was in for some kind of sexual crime. Both he and his cellmate were in for, I think attempted rape. I'll get to it. This guy was 39 years old. So is 39 years old. He says he's responsible. The cellmate's body was found Jan. 3, 2007, by a prison guard. And an autopsy revealed two chest muscles and part of his left lung were missing at the time. The prosecutor said this prisoner confessed to stabbing his victim with scissors, suffocating him with a plastic bag before removing and eating part of an organ from his chest. Now, why would he eat the lung? He thought it was the heart.

[Brian Bishop]

Honest mistake could happen. Yeah. Well, why does he have scissors?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. Maybe smuggle him out. His face is tattooed with images, including bloody tears and a skull. And I guess he wanted to eat the victim's heart to, quote, take his soul according to the indictment. Oh, he was serving a sentence for attempted rape while on armed. And the guy.

[Brian Bishop]

Hold on. If you can't seal the deal when you're armed, when can you? You know what I mean?

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, you don't really even need to be armed. You just overpower somebody.

[Brian Bishop]

That's the way I, I mean, that's. I've seen it. Favorite done that way. Yeah. Now listen, if you can't rape when you've got, you know, £50 and a Glock on your victim, you're no rapist. No.

[Adam Carolla]

If you've got chrome and you can't handle a rape.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it's ridiculous.

[Adam Carolla]

Ridiculous.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the guy, the guy whose lung he ate was in for sexual assault. Now there's a third guy who apparently saw this go down.

[Brian Bishop]

Joke was on this cat because he was a three pack a day smoker.

[Adam Carolla]

Can you imagine? Like you thought you think you're eating his soul, but you're eating like, hey.

[Brian Bishop]

This tastes like smoked meat. Yeah, just smells like locks.

[Adam Carolla]

It's kind of.

[Brian Bishop]

It's got a fishy, salmony, smoky flavor to it. It's got a real hickory.

[Adam Carolla]

Why would a heart have this hickory taste?

[Brian Bishop]

So, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So there's a third guy. Now you always hate the bystander.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't like the guys. I think the people that hang out while the crimes are going on are worse than the guys that are committing the crime. Well, there, I know it sounds retarded, but I get it. The guys who commit crimes are either rapists or murders or arsonists or whatever. The people that hang out aren't arsonists, but they don't seem to mind very much if someone is committing arson and they're not going to say anything about it. The other guy's just an arsonist. Like the world is always going to have arsonists and it's always going to have rapists and it's always going to murderers. What's the excuse of the people that hang out and watch him do it?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, this has a weird twist. So the third inmate was present.

[Brian Bishop]

This isn't weird enough.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's going to get weirder.

[Brian Bishop]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

So he's the guy with the tattoos on his face, attacks his cellmate. They're both in there for sex crimes. Cuts him open, eats his. Suffocates him, eats his chest, eats his lung. There's another guy there and he was initially suspected of complicity but was later cleared. That guy has killed himself since then? Yeah, he was transferred to another prison. And he has since committed suicide.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, let's see, what country was this in? Well, let's see if I can do some math here first. I've got it narrowed down to Greenland or Iceland. Why is that funny? You wouldn't say the person's name. And so not saying the person's name is interesting because there's lots of countries where I wouldn't know what the name. There's lots of Eastern bloc countries, lots of Asian countries that I wouldn't really know about. So that's sort of. And it's not German, because this does reek of Germany.

[Adam Carolla]

It does.

[Brian Bishop]

Now, I smell worst. You have to have. Yeah, these people will eat fucking anything, by the way.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Lung is nothing.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, that's nothing. So you have to have a prison system where guards are gone for long periods of time because you'd have hear the guy screams and then it come around. I mean, it can't be the US Obviously, because these guys are patrolling all the time. There's not enough time to do this, essentially.

[Adam Carolla]

This would take a significant amount of time to get in there to the lung and eat it.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, but the fact that you wouldn't say the person's name makes me think Mexico. Shabby prison system. And a name I would recognize. Although that name could definitely be in the United States. But I don't think you were thinking that way. I'm gonna say Mexico. France. France.

[Adam Carolla]

Why do you guess France?

[Brian Bishop]

Because a French name is very hard to confuse any other country. Yeah, the guy's name is Pierre lestrade. Yeah, Seamus McMullen. Could have been Irish.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, this did take place in Rouen, France.

[Teresa Strasser]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Not bad. Of all the countries in the world, nice job. And the guy's name, Nicolas Cocaine, I thought might give it away. And the guy killed Terry Badri, but it's. It's spelled the French way.

[Brian Bishop]

But, wow, what's going on in the French prison system that there's nobody around for days upon days? You're right. The guard stepped out for. Everyone smells cigarette break.

[Adam Carolla]

I feel like the prison guards wear those, like, Gaultier striped blue and white striped outfits. Maybe berets.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, like they're in a musical from the 40s.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I'd like that very much. You know how it usually goes wrong when you hire a hooker off Craigslist? That's happened again. You know how sometimes people involved in crime, when they're wrong, call 911, because in a certain way they feel like they deserve help and they lose the big picture that they're in fact involved in the commission of a crime.

[Brian Bishop]

No. My buddy called a hooker. Donnie knows him well, called hooker and then called a backup hooker in case that hooker didn't show up and had trouble with the first hooker and her pimp. And the pimp said he was getting a shotgun and he called the cops to protect himself from the pimp of the shotgun. And while the cops were at his apartment, the second hooker showed up.

[Adam Carolla]

Now what was the problem with the first hooker?

[Brian Bishop]

It's really hard between my friend and how much he'd been drinking. And then the pimp, which I'm also guessing, you know, was not Santa Monica's businessman of the year either. You know what I mean? That you know, he didn't win the Good Housekeeping seat of approval either. So we take two sort of volatile a holes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

And you put them together and there's some agreed upon amount. Here's what I'm sure it is because here's how all this prostitution works. Because I've never been with a per se, but I had had friends hook up with like Tijuana, right. And they do this thing where it's like, hey, it's like it's 30 bucks and you go oh, awesome, awesome. And then you go upstairs and it's like 30 bucks for the room that you only need for right. Between seven and 12 minutes. But it's like there, there's ups and extra costs. Yeah, it's kind of like cable TV. You know what it's like. Does he ever look at your bill from a hotel? Oh, the room is 99. And then there's a surcharge and a state tax and in, you know, Manhattan city tax and a gratuity, whatever.

[Adam Carolla]

Your plane ticket always has these weird.

[Brian Bishop]

Eight other charges on there. That's what are like. But with no receipts, you can't write it off. And no mini bar, right? They're a mini bar. I smell a reality show. Yeah, backup hooker.

[Adam Carolla]

I am actually pretty fascinated by the lives of hookers.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm sure it was like he said it'll be 89 bucks for a blow job or something like that. And the guys, you know, and then, you know, she showed up, said 150 bucks and they got into an argument and the pimp showed up and the pimp said he was getting a shotgun and you know, whatever.

[Adam Carolla]

It usually does seem to be about money. But in this case, a California man called 911 because the sexy dancer he hired off a craigslist ad was too old. When he saw her, he decided she was too old, and they had agreed on $200 online. And when he saw her, and he's.

[Brian Bishop]

A gentleman, but the whole Mildred.69 should have left him know immediately that he was a little bit older than he thought. 69, that's something else. Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Mildred. No one under 60 named that.

[Brian Bishop]

No, he.

[Adam Carolla]

He should have known that was my grandma's name. It was. Hope you're happy. Escape Nazi Europe just to be made fun of for her awful name.

[Brian Bishop]

Mildred.

[Adam Carolla]

Mildred. Yeah. It's not easy to find a man when your name is Mildred Frickin Lasnik. Okay, so I know. So the guy opens the door and the woman appears too old for him, but he's not a total douchebag and he wants to give her something for her pains because she's, you know, showed up there.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So although he'd agreed to pay $200 for this dance, when she looked too old and older than her picture in the ad, he said, here's 20 bucks for gas money. Now that's when an argument ensued and he called 911.

[Brian Bishop]

I think the problem too is that really, when you're telling a woman that, basically you're saying, is this, I'm drunk. I'm trolling the Internet for ass. I'm not desirable enough to have a wife or girlfriend or be able to go out to a sports bar and pick up a chick on my own. I have to pay for sex. But you've not met my super low standards. That's a fucking slap in the face.

[Adam Carolla]

Can you imagine? It's like it's either you or the fruit stand tonight. And I picked the fruit stand.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

That's how bad.

[Brian Bishop]

And when they say, it's like. It's like when. When you're like, listen, I know we have a lot of strippers that listen. If you're dancing at a club and guys. You keep asking if guys want to lap dance, and they keep buying you a dance, buying their friends dances with you, and saying like, ah, I'm in my refractory period, or I just had a lap dance, or, hey, my buddy Brian over there has got a brain tumor. Why don't you go dance for him? It's funny, but I just love. We should keep this going through the news, by the way, through the entire show, because I love it. Point is, it's time to hang up the thong.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. If a guy who orders a sexy dance off Craigslist thinks you're too old.

[Brian Bishop]

Tupac, go home and take a good long look in the mirror.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

It's time to reevaluate teeth in a glass. Call it a night. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Just put your head on your mildred.

[Brian Bishop]

Pillow, right, and grab one your brass, pull it around, use it as a pillow and call it a goddamn night.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

See, so that's where the ire comes from. That's where the anger comes from. Because that's, that's an insult at a certain point. You know what I mean?

[Adam Carolla]

What could be worse?

[Brian Bishop]

It's like the first time a woman gets called man, right? The first thing we did with the man show boy, the very first bit we ever did for the man show boy is put him in a cub scout outfit, send him down to Melrose and tell them to help women across the street. And there'd be just these women walking around, sitting. They'd be like 38 years old. They'd be like, can I help you, ma'am? And they'd be like, I'm fine. And he said, I gotta earn a merit badge. I was told to help old women across the street. Like, what? I'm not old. You look old to me. Are you kidding me? And they have these fucking reactions like, oh, my God, there's a nine year old boy scout who thinks I'm an old woman. And like, it dawned on them and they had these crazy visceral reactions like, I'm not old. And of course, we're in his ear, like, you seem old to me.

[Adam Carolla]

Sorry.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I'm supposed to, you know. And there's like, we throw in a lot of quit kidding yourself and blah, blah, blah. But I mean, some of these women have this like, oh, my God, like, where were you when you realized you were old and on Melrose?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I had a moment the other day when a car pulled up and the guy slowed down and he said, and I didn't have the baby or a stroller or anything. And the guy said, hey, hey. And I turned around, he's like, you want to come for a ride? Back in the day, I would have been very incensed. And he might have gotten an earful. But I almost wanted to say, oh, my God, thank you so much. That's so sweet.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I like a million. I wanted to rape and dismember you in the desert.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Brian Bishop]

But yeah, oh, my God, me, well.

[Adam Carolla]

But I'm kind of.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, I feel old. I've been driving around for a while. You're not the first person bass. But no, yeah, you're definitely too old to dismember.

[Adam Carolla]

Be honest.

[Brian Bishop]

Let me just. Let me correct that. I said rape and dismember. Dismember and rape. Sorry. But, yeah, definitely don't pick an old. No, no, you're totally. For a weekday.

[Adam Carolla]

I must look like 30.

[Brian Bishop]

Look, look, if you've got just a little bit of gas money, we can work this out.

[Adam Carolla]

I gotta pay for gas.

[Brian Bishop]

I said a little bit.

[Adam Carolla]

Offered me a ride.

[Brian Bishop]

Let's see.

[Adam Carolla]

Because you saw me walking down the street and I must have looked hot and young.

[Brian Bishop]

You look fantastic. I'm just saying, at $3.25 a gallon with this whole BP thing going on and us getting out to the high desert and me driving the, you know, you know, late model, you know, gas guzzler here. Come on now. I got. I got Denali with a limo tint on it. I think it's like eight miles to the gallon.

[Adam Carolla]

I've been offered rides from guys a lot, and none of them have ever made me pay for gas. And I know those were my younger days, but you offered, all right? You asked me to go to the desert to race.

[Brian Bishop]

Fair enough. Look, just get in and start blowing. I'll think about the gas on the way to the desert. All right? Pick up Vandersloot. We'll get Vander Salute, too. I like the idea that he didn't kill the girl now.

[Adam Carolla]

No, he took it back. I was forced to say he killed her.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, I like the part where they get confused. I like the part where they get pulled into the sheriff's office and they're like, hey, did you kill that cocktail waitress? Yeah, I did. I mean, what? Hold on, slow down. No, I mean, yeah, wait, I think I did. Let's go ahead and check. Yes. And then we'll get into it later. Use a pencil. Yeah, I got a golf pencil. Doesn't have eraser on it. Why don't those things have a race? You know, they're so little. There's plenty of room for races. Be like a 3 inch eraser on there. Catch your scoring golf. I'm just saying a little pencil in general. That's why I just like when these guys. I like when they get the. They get them to confess. Like, I understand if you're taking a cinder block to the guy's head or you're putting, you know, you're taking jumper cables, putting on his nut sacks. But when the guy just says, like, I was confused. I was coerced. Like, I didn't know what to do.

[Adam Carolla]

He was tricked and he was in a blind panic and he didn't even know what was in those Pages.

[Brian Bishop]

The cop pulled like a Ryan Seacrest on him. Where it's like, did you not kill this person? If you did it, stand on the.

[Adam Carolla]

Left side of the whole.

[Brian Bishop]

Your left side. If you did do it, do it. Not if you. If you thought you did not do it, go to the left. Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that's what happened to Vandersloop. Obviously, he was confused and he got it twisted.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, speaking of twisted, why don't we wrap up this portion of the news? We'll bring in Larry Miller. We'll finish it off later with young Larry and the news. You cnn? Yeah. Feels good, doesn't it? I'm leaning forward board because I'm looking for Larry's paperwork.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, can I say, Larry Miller was in Valentine's Day, and he was very funny. And when we IMDb'd him, it said like, oversized baggage clerk. And I took offense at that. Larry Miller's not oversized.

[Brian Bishop]

I mean, he's just a baggage. Have a seat, Larry. Good.

[Adam Carolla]

Hi, Larry. You are so funny in Valentine's Day.

[Brian Bishop]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

He has a whole funny scene and then he's credited as oversized baggage.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, you know what? That's the thing is not right. Well, Jimmy Kimmel once got called the beefy Bob Crane. That's not fair to Bob or Jimmy. They're both should be pissed at that. I don't think Bob Crane's excited about this. Flip it around that way.

[Joe Rogan]

It's so weird. By the way, I just want to say that when you're just talking about Jorgen Van Der Sloot before, I have a quick perspective on that. I don't think anyone else brings up, but I bet you Brian understands it, which is that every time he kills someone else and comes on the news again, all I think is you're wasting a full head of hair. Yeah, you have such a nice head of hair.

[Brian Bishop]

I know you can cut it short.

[Joe Rogan]

And there's not even one missing. Why are you killing people when you could just go through life with a.

[Adam Carolla]

Full head of hair?

[Brian Bishop]

What's happening? And like a full. Full wallet and a full penis. I mean, what a fucking life. I mean, I. I don't know. I wouldn't easily a. I don't know what to call him, but he comes from some money. He seems to always be a casino somewhere. In an international casino, you know, he's not one of these ones in the high desert or something, you know, run by Indians.

[Adam Carolla]

He's not in commerce.

[Brian Bishop]

He's in real casinos. Yeah, it's not like Larry Flint's pictures Not on the front of these things. That's right. The real fucking casino. They don't have bicycles on the front of them. They're not playing like they should. Like owl poker. Yeah, sorry, no.

[Joe Rogan]

Pike out. That one always amazes me. But they should line up. Serial killers should call him and say, look, we, we dig the whole killing thing, but you have to stop. You're rich, you have a full head of hair, you're slender, you know, everything's.

[Adam Carolla]

Working and look at all the traveling. He kills a girl in Aruba, he kills a girl in Peru.

[Brian Bishop]

I mean, allegedly, most of these guys faces are pockmarked and they're merchant marines who can't hitch onto a ship. And they're fucking floating in and out of flop houses. And the prison is literally a lateral move for them. It's a fucking lateral move. This guy is leaving the roulette table to go into some of the shittiest prisons in the world. What the fuck?

[Joe Rogan]

I know, I just can't. I mean, the first time he was in a cell, I can't believe he didn't say to himself, okay, whatever thrill I got from killing her, right, I'm not going to do it again because I can't be in the cell again.

[Brian Bishop]

You're right.

[Joe Rogan]

The other guys go to the cell and they think, well, I'm home.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. I mean, seriously, if you take a look at a lot of these guys life and even, even the, even the Mansons, like, you know, they were sort of living in squalor on a piece of dirt. I mean, they were hanging out with the Beach Boys and having a good time, but as far as text goes, it was sort of a lateral move. You're not shit. It's really down to where are you shitting? Are you shitting in a better place or not? And Vandersloot is shitting in a much worse place than he was shitting before, by the way.

[Joe Rogan]

No matter what our prisons are like or whatever country's prisons, Canada in prisons or Japan, England, I can't imagine that Peru is a step up in prison.

[Brian Bishop]

No, not, not a, not a five star.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a precipitous drop. I mean, he probably had a bidet, you know, doesn't seem like a bidet kind of guy.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, he does.

[Adam Carolla]

And then, then he's in a Peruvian prison.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. And also he could actually.

[Joe Rogan]

But so what you're saying is he can. He could kiss the bidet goodbye, Is that what you're saying?

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh my God. A chorus line reference.

[Brian Bishop]

I love You.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, I'd like to slap myself.

[Brian Bishop]

Forgive. Well, Larry. Larry Miller, by the way, is doing a new show called Late Night Liars on the Game Show Network, which is Thursdays at 11pm you can, by the way, find out where Larry's appearing at Larry Miller humor. And I'd like to do a little hypothetical question with you, Larry.

[Joe Rogan]

I can't tell you how much I've missed this.

[Brian Bishop]

It's been a while.

[Joe Rogan]

I can't tell you how much people.

[Brian Bishop]

Still excellent at it on the road.

[Joe Rogan]

Say, I love the hypotheticals.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, we're going to give you one. And again, no wrong answers here. Oh, good.

[Joe Rogan]

Because the. Because frankly, my memory is that I felt bad when we did it because then I got judged suddenly.

[Brian Bishop]

But.

[Joe Rogan]

So you're saying that judgment freezes own.

[Brian Bishop]

No.

[Joe Rogan]

Okay, good.

[Brian Bishop]

Zero, zero roll.

[Joe Rogan]

So it's whatever I. Whatever comes into my head.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, it's like me saying, what kind of food are you in the mood for? And you say Thai food. I can't say you're wrong. I just asked you what food you're in the mood for. That's what you want to eat.

[Joe Rogan]

So that's what I. That's what I.

[Brian Bishop]

That's what you eat.

[Adam Carolla]

This is not an SAT question. That's right or wrong.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay, good.

[Joe Rogan]

This is. This is a reasonable. Okay, good. So whatever it is, I'm fine.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, let's start with a classic, and then we'll get into ones. All right, this is recumbent bike guy. This is the trip is from the Santa Monica Pier. Where are we going to? Florida. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, sorry. Yeah, going to Florida. All right, Brian, I'll figure this out. Oh, no. Oh, man.

[Adam Carolla]

Jammed up.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, all right, we. We'll. We'll see.

[Joe Rogan]

We're driving to Florida.

[Brian Bishop]

Now. Do you do it with the recumbent bike out? This is, you know, the guy goes solo. Rides are coming by. Interesting cat, this guy. You know what I mean? He's like enough energy to circumnavigate Griffith park nine times, but not enough to sit up. Really. You think about where this guy's head's at, he'll tell you it's, you know, 33% more efficient to be in this position, but you never see a guy leading the Tour de France in the yellow jersey in the recumbent high. Hands high. Hands on the recumbent bike. Yeah. Like a high hand and the marker flag.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

So he doesn't want to get that guy run over that guy. Or the bossy female wedding Planner.

[Joe Rogan]

You know, first of all, always the bossy female wedding planner.

[Brian Bishop]

Always.

[Joe Rogan]

And I'll tell you why. First of all, the banner on the back of the recumbent bike guy and the high hands. I just couldn't, I just couldn't deal with him for more than a half mile or a mile.

[Larry Miller]

Because.

[Joe Rogan]

Because of the banner. Because I think everyone would be looking at us and I couldn't, I couldn't be recumbent to always a bossy female wedding planner because that's so many stupid things in one sentence. I think they would actually cancel each other out.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay, sorry, listen, I thought there were no, it's recumbent bike. I'll tell you thing. First off, there's no sexual tension between you and the recumbent bike guy. You have a beautiful wife. She's not going to appreciate you going cross country with an attractive 40ish wedding planner number one. Number two, recumbent bike guy doesn't have much personality, but he's a fountain of knowledge as you guys cross the Ozarks or wherever your travels go along. He's giving you stories, he's giving you lots of tidbits. That guy's a guy whose head is packed with knowledge. Plus he knows a lot about rolling resistance and he's going to help you get better. My mileage. He's gonna tell you stuff like keep the windows rolled up. We'll get another four miles a gallon on the highway and let me properly inflate the tire. So I'm sorry, Larry, you missed that first one. Let's not live in the past. Let's move on.

[Joe Rogan]

Have you seen let's move on Pawn Stars? Too much. It sounded like him.

[Brian Bishop]

Sorry. Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

That kind of started poorly for you.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. All right, but. All right, here we go. Let's move forward. Wannabe professional wrestler. This is that guy who has the shirt of shaved side of the head but still has the ponytail.

[Joe Rogan]

Sure.

[Brian Bishop]

That look, that sort of wide mohawk with a. I don't understand that. If you're going to go with the mohawk. Go the mohawk. You're going to the ponytail. Go the ponytail. What's that? Shave just the three inches above your ears on the side with the long ponytail. So with that look, by the way.

[Joe Rogan]

So this is a guy who would need binoculars to see low rent.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, that. That's it. Couldn't with the naked eye. Could not even see low rent. That's right. Wannabe professional wrestler. He's not, by the way. He's all of £181. Like he's just way too small to be professed. Not enough creatine in the world for him to be professional wrestler. Or the chick that drives with the stuffed animals in the back window. She's got them all laid out there.

[Joe Rogan]

Gotta be the one to be professional. Gotta be the wannabe wrestler. Because I'm a wrestling fan. I take my kids to wrestling and I appreciate that somebody tries so hard, hard at something. Even though he may not be big enough, even though he may not be good enough, and even though he has the weight lower than low rent haircut. I cannot take stuffed animals in any situation. Either on the bed stacked in a pyramid.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Joe Rogan]

Or with the pillows where you want to say, you know what? I'll be honest. I'd like to spend the night with you, but I cannot look at that room.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay.

[Joe Rogan]

I cannot do that. So I would always say, want to be professional wrestler.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay, I'm sorry. That's it. Well, I'll tell you what. Professional wrestler, everything's going great till you're going through New Mexico and he wants to get a pint of old Crow. And next, you know, he starts getting violent. Oh, he starts talking about his stepdad molesting him. He starts having little fleas. Had some head trauma. He got hit with a folding chair earlier that day. And he starts going at you while you're driving.

[Joe Rogan]

He's not just someone who's trying to achieve. He's actually nuts.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, he's doing the backyard stuff, but he's potentially poses a threat. You know what I mean?

[Joe Rogan]

So it's like in cold blood. It's like Robert Blake in cold blood.

[Brian Bishop]

That's what I. It is exactly what it is. All right. Oh, for two. Let's just move forward.

[Joe Rogan]

I didn't think. But you said there's no judging.

[Brian Bishop]

Let's move forward. Move forward. You ready? All right.

[Joe Rogan]

No right and wrong.

[Brian Bishop]

But I thought this is. This is a Asian fingernail salon lady. Ah, we got a picture of her.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Versus chiropractor, who really thinks he can fix anything through straightening your spine. You know that guy, he told me a bunion. He tells you he can give you an adjustment, you have a headache. Adjustment. Tell you. Tell him your doctor said you needed glasses and give me adjustment. Everything. Said you have a fucking cavity or you need some root canal. He's going to give you an adjustment that's going to straighten it all out. That guy.

[Joe Rogan]

This is easy. First of all, the whole world of nail stuff for women is repulsive to me. Ever since you started hearing about five Years ago, where they have germs from Jupiter.

[Brian Bishop]

There.

[Joe Rogan]

You know, there are the germs that get in that. They put a thing and they don't wash something. So anything. Never mind adding the word Asian to that. I mean, just anything in the world of nails, I. I absolutely cannot deal with. So she's. She's out completely. It doesn't matter who you stack up after that. I just cannot take her.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay. Yeah, that's incorrect. What am I gonna be incorrect? It's what I think. Well, because you said whatever choice. Because. Because the chiropractor guy is going to talk your ear off all the way. She's not going to say a goddamn word the entire time. Plus, she's a full 100 pounds lighter than this cat. So again, there's a mileage factor. It's not going to take up a lot of room in the front seat. She'll probably, being subservient Asian, probably agree to sit in the back seat while you drive cross country. I never hear a word from. You're going to play whatever. The chiropractor is going to want to play some Yanni and some New Age. He's going to try to turn you on. She's probably gonna try to get you into Kenny Chesney or something like that. Oh, you haven't heard? No, no, no. A lot of people make fun of him, but did they really take the time to listen to his own.

[Joe Rogan]

That's the right name for that, by the way.

[Brian Bishop]

Right. So. But no, this guy, pigeonhole him every time. Listen to some Chesney. Every five hours, though, just till we get out of Arizona. It's gonna drive you nuts. And it's good. And by the way, he's gonna judge. You're gonna pull through a Sonic Burger. You're gonna order like a double cheese with bacon, and he's going to just ask if they can just have tap water with a lemon wedge. You're not going to be able to enjoy your chili fries with this guy staring a hole in the back of your head.

[Adam Carolla]

We'll do 45 minutes on the evils of gluten, right?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. And he's going to talk about how the human body and the bowel system is not made to take gluten. We weren't designed to design to take gluten. It's like he'll take everything that's on your menu and explain to you why.

[Adam Carolla]

Human beings were not intended to eat grains.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, we can't process. I like when they tell you that you can't process something you've been eating your entire life. Cow milk. Humans. You're not made to process it. It's poison.

[Adam Carolla]

Poison?

[Brian Bishop]

It's arsenic.

[Joe Rogan]

But by the way, after, a nice.

[Brian Bishop]

German soldier should have kept a little capsule of cow milk in their cheeks they could bite on in case they were captured by the resistance.

[Joe Rogan]

The black pill in that bunker that Hitler took was actually cow milk.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, but. So wait a minute.

[Joe Rogan]

But after. After, no matter what you eat, after I have the chili cheese fries. If he's a good chiropractor, then he could touch, like, a nerve on the back of my knee and just straighten. My whole intestine would come shooting out.

[Brian Bishop]

He doesn't work. He doesn't work for free.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, he would charge for an adjustment, even on a road trip.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, let's just do one more and see if we can salvage.

[Joe Rogan]

I feel sad because each one I've been wrong.

[Brian Bishop]

Hey, you know, there are no wrong answers here, though. They're all right. Well, then.

[Joe Rogan]

Then we're dealing with something.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, you ready to move forward here? Well, I guess let's forge ahead. All right.

[Joe Rogan]

I feel I'm with friends.

[Brian Bishop]

I guess I could take one guy with six middle names, you know, and he can't even tell you. Just. Yeah, my name is Rob Johnson. No, no, no. It's like Rob McMaster Hercules. You know, all that. At some point, there'll be a name of a Civil War general that. That's just shoehorned into that lawn.

[Larry Miller]

Yes, hello.

[Brian Bishop]

My name is Graham Williams Wellington. The one thing I do miss about doing terrestrial radio is the retarded PSAs. I really do. That is my favorite part. Graham Wellington. He's the white guy wants to rent the apartment.

[Randy]

Let's play some games.

[Brian Bishop]

All right. The guy at the six middle names or the guy who still wears his concert laminates. That guy's got the laminates. You know, he's got that. So he was backstage at Buddha Con when Cheap Trick was there, and he's gonna let you know all about it. And then after he gets a little buzz on because kind of guy likes his beer at night. You know, when you're driving. Driving straight through his stir. He'll go through all the laminates, and they'll start at the one he's at the beginning and go right through them again. That's the eagles. That's a 1979. That's when Glenn Fry But. And you have to nod your head. That's when fry had the 12 string. Oh, yeah, yeah. Like, I wasn't in the band. I didn't rode for the band. I like when people talk about their. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's. Yeah, that's when. That's when Beck was in his prime.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, he always answers quickly. Yes, I know, but you've got a few wrong answers.

[Brian Bishop]

A couple wrong. See what I think about this one?

[Joe Rogan]

But this is. This one has to be right because. Because it will always be the guy with too many laminates. And here's why. I used to have a roommate who had a 14 year clump of lift tickets and I am so immune to that now. It was so stupid and so awful going through each one again. And though he felt so embarrassed, he used to buy beer. Now, as far as the guy with the too many names go, I don't get. I've never gotten especially the like the Spanish thing of, you know, listening. Hector. I just can't get that you want to say, let's just go with one. How about Bill? Anything at all. Just go with one.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, it's this thing where you want to honor everybody's dad in the family and everyone who came before him. But once you name yourself after all of them, then you're not really honoring any of them. The honor is getting picked over all the other ones. Not just being lumped in with the other 18 Mexican guys who you got named after.

[Joe Rogan]

The honor is having your friends being able to recognize you with one name.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Joe Rogan]

Instead of having to prove to them that you were on the corner before.

[Brian Bishop]

What Cher's middle name? Who the knows?

[Joe Rogan]

That's right. Napoleon, Alexander, Caesar, Cher. I mean it all, by the way. That's one guy. That's an actual guy. So I would always say, I don't.

[Brian Bishop]

Know why, but I'm hungry now.

[Joe Rogan]

So I would always say, yeah, one had a salad, one had a nice.

[Brian Bishop]

Pastry, a drink made out of them, pastries, salads and booze. After all these people, someone's got to come up with a share.

[Joe Rogan]

By the way, Barry Morty's to do a line. We said that's why you'll never see something like a cheese Hitler. Because there's something that's.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but you know what sounds good?

[Brian Bishop]

A whole pot. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Doesn't that sound like something Florida?

[Joe Rogan]

So I would always choose. The point is I was always choose the guy with two many names cuz it's dumb. But it's. No, I was only choose the laminate.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, it's too long.

[Joe Rogan]

The bit went too long.

[Brian Bishop]

Sorry. Go ahead, Brian. Sorry. That's wrong.

[Joe Rogan]

Even I'd like to buzz it.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm confused years. All I know is just wrong. Wow. I'm sorry, Larry. I'm really sorry. What's that? 0 for 4? Yeah. You know, not a great outing, I would say.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, oh, for three with a quick.

[Brian Bishop]

Dose of stupidity, not a great outing. But you know what, Larry, I know you. You're your champion, your competitor, and you'll be right back on your horse. Next time we play this, should we try taking a couple phone calls? I'd love to. T.C. any thing up there? Yeah, like 18 movies. Line four. Four, Teresa. All right. Line four for Teresa. Yeah. Hey, Jake. Yeah, what's going on? What's going on, Jake?

[Randy]

Hey, I got a couple questions. First, first is kind of an idea going after the whole, you know that overnight documentary that you always talk about.

[Brian Bishop]

The. Yeah, that's a great documentary.

[Randy]

Yeah, yeah, that Troy Duffy.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, I was thinking, hey, a good.

[Randy]

Way to generate revenue for your website is a. To upload a ton of video content about you and yourself. Just have somebody follow you around with a camera and then just give.

[Brian Bishop]

Put some ads on your website.

[Randy]

I know there are a ton of people on the Corolla board and a ton of people that are like just kind of like waiting for content from you. And the way you easily that you can do it, just have somebody follow.

[Brian Bishop]

You around with a video camera.

[Randy]

Just edit it really quickly and then throw it up online.

[Brian Bishop]

Thank you, Jake. It's all coming. Donnie over here just got his like tricast or whatever. And soon as we get a couple of cameras and Donnie gets a free moment, we're gonna start streaming the show. So you'll be able to see this. Yeah. So don't worry, all, all that stuff's coming. Next comment, please. I'm thinking also they can follow you.

[Randy]

Home, they can follow you everywhere. Just upload everything you do.

[Brian Bishop]

I get it. Next question. All right, Larry Miller.

[Randy]

Larry Miller, we love you. And then secondly, why doesn't t do a bathing suit calendar and put that up online for all the nerds to buy Revenue for the website?

[Joe Rogan]

By the way, first of all, don't.

[Adam Carolla]

Play the old fashioned burlesque music.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

How dare you?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, and why is this? You bring up a good point, Jake. Why aren't there calendars with guys with low self esteem?

[Adam Carolla]

You know what a calendar with like a seven and a half.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, seriously, when you get the, the, you know, Sports Illustrated, let's face it, you're not getting, you're never getting those girls, right? Theresia, can you think I'm accessible Perfect six.

[Adam Carolla]

Perfect six.

[Randy]

I don't think you realize how many people on the Corolla boards want to a marry T was that she's their dream girl.

[Brian Bishop]

I mean, it's. I mean, we're. It's just unbelievable. T, you're amazing. We love you, by the way.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. I'm so flattered. I love my nerd fans.

[Brian Bishop]

Super. Very attractive for you.

[Joe Rogan]

You have a dance. That's the thing.

[Randy]

We pay upwards of $20 apiece.

[Brian Bishop]

For that. It'll be one of those 13 month calendars, which I always enjoy. And by the way, you can't just go back to January. I want you to make up a month when you go with it.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I'm gonna feel so bad when this brings in 42 in revenue.

[Randy]

Hey, regardless, it's money for the show, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's true. Now, do you want me in a swimsuit or like some kind of, you know, theme?

[Brian Bishop]

Like, let's do that thing where it's.

[Randy]

Like, where they get a bunch of.

[Brian Bishop]

Like, animal furs and, like, have them.

[Randy]

Covering private parts and, you know, it'll be different.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, I'll tell you what you do. It's like. It depends what the. What the. You know, in the winter, you're in a hot tub with snow around you. In the summer, it's a beach volleyball thing. You know, it's always sort of thematic, depending on what month is.

[Adam Carolla]

What about December? What am I doing for Hanukkah?

[Brian Bishop]

You have menorah out and it's strategic, basically. Covering your nipples and crotch. Your base is covering your crotch. We have a dreidel.

[Adam Carolla]

My two dreidels over each nip, right?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. But by the way, hanging from past.

[Joe Rogan]

Apparently the miracle would be that you have eight nipples.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I like that. Yeah, it's only supposed to last for two. Well, Jake, God bless you and anyone who's ever posted anything like that. That's truly flattering. I'm not just saying that. It really is.

[Brian Bishop]

Hey, Duva Duvall? Yeah, that's me. What's going on, Duvall? How are you? It's a.

[Teresa Strasser]

It's an honor to finally be able to be on this show. I have a few questions for you.

[Brian Bishop]

Thanks for calling in. Yeah, go ahead.

[Teresa Strasser]

First off, I had a complaint that I think you might share me with about the A Team movie remake.

[Brian Bishop]

Sure.

[Teresa Strasser]

I was a huge fan of the old show. I'm only 23, but, you know, I caught the old syndicated episode. I thought that the remake was kind of a trick homage to the old show and I was wondering what you thought about that.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, I've not seen it yet. I intend on seeing it. I should probably get Bill Simmons to see it with me. He's my friend. You know how you have that one friend who will see shitty movies?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Dear online diary, gonna go see the 18 with Ace, man. Go past. Yeah. So I have. Bill Simmons is the friend I can get to see. I can't get Jimmy to see shitty movies. I can't get Kevin Hands. You see shitty movies. They actually recognize shitty movies as shitty movies and don't want to be a part of it. No, I like. I like a shitty movie. But I think what you're saying, what happened with the A Team is all these shows had a camp factor to them, and then when they do the theatrical version of them, they get all edgy and hard. Hard nose. And there's killing and violence, by the.

[Joe Rogan]

Way, I just can't understand. First of all, I have to say I haven't seen it either yet. Yet. I probably won't till it comes on cable. But I can't understand. For the billboard, I'm going to call it the Shave Team. Did all four guys not shave? Do they have to have. Did no one catch that in the publicity? Is there nothing that way?

[Brian Bishop]

It's all the exact same picture, the rough and tumble.

[Joe Rogan]

So, yes, I get it. By the second picture, you want to say, I get it. You're very rough and tumble. I get it.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. The first one, only Mr. T had the thing and it had a sense of humor about itself. And it was.

[Adam Carolla]

It was not violent like the movie, apparently, because that's why Mr. T is against the movie.

[Brian Bishop]

Everybody walked away. And by the way, Mr. T, first off, he's not known. It's not like he's not the Mr. T from the. The Bloody Mary mix. He's Mr. T the bouncer. He's Mr. T, the bodyguard. He's made his living punching people in the face. Yeah, it's Clubber Lang. So.

[Joe Rogan]

By the way, I have a history of seeing bad movies, too. And the reason I love to see them, too, is because.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, that's what I mean. And Martin Short has never looked worse. He's in the lower right.

[Joe Rogan]

But you know what? When it comes to bad movies, like everyone else out there, I've seen Godfather 50 times. I've seen Godfather 2100 times, but I've seen Godfather 3 a thousand times. Because each time it comes on TV, I keep thinking to myself, it can't be this bad. I must be watching it Wrong.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Joe Rogan]

I have to give it one more try. I have to try again. Maybe this time if I drink enough, if I eat enough, maybe it'll be terrific.

[Brian Bishop]

I am the same way with Kate Hudson movies. I just keep watching them over and over and hoping something will change at some point.

[Adam Carolla]

I think you've been in one.

[Brian Bishop]

I have, actually. I watch him for Larry Miller. Wait, which Kate Hudson movies?

[Joe Rogan]

That's terrific.

[Brian Bishop]

The.

[Joe Rogan]

The. Don't tell me.

[Adam Carolla]

I know this.

[Joe Rogan]

I should know, shouldn't I?

[Adam Carolla]

You really should.

[Joe Rogan]

It's. It was great. It was good movie, too, by the way. She was terrific.

[Brian Bishop]

And. Wait, wait. Oh.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, for crying out loud. The. Oh, what?

[Brian Bishop]

He played the one with.

[Joe Rogan]

The one with the guy who played the minister. She goes out with Brian. Isn't this stupid?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, this is horrible. And you were just in Valentine's Day. Did you say Teresa?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he was funny.

[Brian Bishop]

I am kind of waiting to see that, too. It keeps. They keep advertising. It's coming up, but it's not on cable yet.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, Julia Roberts has just one. Really? Maybe she's in the movie for six minutes.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And you really see why she's a movie star.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, right.

[Adam Carolla]

She truly is riveting, even just doing a simple scene.

[Brian Bishop]

So is. So is Face from the A Team.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, Bradley Cooper.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, he's in it. Jesus Christ law that he has to be in every movie. By the way, he did Wedding Crashers, right? And then I felt like he took, like four years off. Like, I. I just feel like he wasn't. I'm sure he. He worked, but there wasn't a federal mandate that he be in every.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, the hangover mandate.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Right. Then three, four years later, the hangover came out, and now that's it.

[Joe Rogan]

I don't know how people.

[Brian Bishop]

Minister, Right.

[Joe Rogan]

John. What's his name?

[Brian Bishop]

A guy thing.

[Joe Rogan]

No, no, that was. That was in that. That was. I played a minister in that. Yeah, no, this was.

[Adam Carolla]

I want to say it's 10 things I hate about you, but it's not.

[Brian Bishop]

No, that was a good movie. Hudson can't be in that movie. That movie was good.

[Adam Carolla]

She's a journalist and she has to prove that.

[Brian Bishop]

Guys, Matthew McConaughey. No, no, no. The worst person looking a list of Kid Hudson.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. What do you got?

[Brian Bishop]

What's the worst that could happen?

[Joe Rogan]

No, I was in that.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, that's you.

[Joe Rogan]

Isn't this stupid? By the way, he's reading this and I thought, wait, that sounds familiar. No, wait, I was in it.

[Adam Carolla]

Have you been in more than One Kate Hudson movie.

[Brian Bishop]

No, hold on.

[Joe Rogan]

Hold your horses. Oh, this is so stupid. There's got to be someone out there.

[Brian Bishop]

It's not that movie. It's not the Kate Hudson movie you were in. Is there another?

[Adam Carolla]

There might be two. Do you just delete them from your memory immediately?

[Brian Bishop]

No, it was great.

[Joe Rogan]

She was great. It was fun. It was terrific. Plus, it's a movie. You get the free food and the hat.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, hat. And possibly a bathrobe or hoodie. A fleece coffee mug every time, by the way, a tote bag.

[Joe Rogan]

We love all this stuff. We all do. Whenever they give you a jacket, though, it's some kind of gorgeous jacket or like that buttons up or something. A nice, nice winter coat. But if it has the name on the thing, you feel like too big a tool to ever wear it, right? I have. I had 10 Arsenio hall bathrobes, right, from his show. They were the best bathrobes that ever. And I sent eight to relatives. Nephew and I used to send, you know, here. Here's a nice Arsenio hall because he had two. He had a black one with the. Where the. With on the pocket it said it's a night thing, right? And then there was a white one with a figure of like a. Wearing a suit with a finger pointing up, right? The best robes in history. And for whatever it's worth, this is now got to be 14 years later. I wear those robes every day to shave.

[Brian Bishop]

I. I love a good bathrobe. It's one of my sort of general, like, even if you're poor, let's not be cheap. I mean, let's not punish yourself. Spend $100 on a nice thick, heavy terry cloth bathrobe and use it for the next 15 years. You're not going to wear it out. It's not like, oh, what happened to your bathrobe? Well, I was changing the clutch on the truck and tranny fluid got all over. No, you don't go anywhere. The furthest you'll go is the. You know, really. I mean, maybe if you're black you'll buy a lottery ticket in it. Maybe. But the farthest a guy like Larry Miller would go would just be the end of the driveway to get a newspaper, right?

[Joe Rogan]

I won't even walk past the toilet in it. I would wear it outside. I go from the shower to shave.

[Brian Bishop]

There's my point. All right, should we do a quick Germany or Florida? Yeah, I think we have one of those. Dawson, do you have that cooking? Yes, I do. All right, you want to play the intro, let's see. Yes. Which flourishes is this up Story from. Let's play. Germany or Florida. A German or Floridian student has been arrested after throwing a live puppy at a group of Hell's Angels motorcycle gang members in what was assumed to be meant as an insulting gesture. According to German or Floridian police, the questionable canine toss came Shortly after the 26 year old student, whose name has not been released, had more blatantly offended the bikers by dropping his pants toward the group who were congregating at a club. The student then escaped from the bikers on a bulldozer which had been stolen from a nearby construction site. Though officials believe he originally planned to drive it all the way to a major German or Floridian city, he later abandoned the bulldozer on a major thoroughfare, resulting in a 5 kilometer or 3 mile traffic jam. Wow. The student, who has been known to suffer from depression and may have neglected to take his medication, was found by authorities at his nearby home where he was then apprehended. Raising Helen. Raising Helen. That's it. That's it.

[Adam Carolla]

That's it. Yes. That was good. I enjoyed it. Raising Helen. She has to take care of the.

[Brian Bishop]

The kids.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, the kids parent died.

[Brian Bishop]

Why are you interrupting me?

[Adam Carolla]

And then she learns how to be a grown up by raising the little girl they taught.

[Brian Bishop]

You know what? It was an insane twist because for once the kids taught the adult a lesson.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

That almost never happens in movies.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. All right. Germany or Florida, let's see. Wow. I like the cut of this guy's jib. It's like, what are you doing this afternoon? I'm gonna go with some Hells Angels. I'm gonna throw a puppy at them, congregate, I'm gonna drop my pants and talk some shit, and then I'll commandeer Bulldozer and drive that back home.

[Joe Rogan]

There's so many parts of that that's wrong. I mean, is this death by biker? You know how people sometimes commit death by cop? So death by. Plus, how bad a group. If this was in Germany, was this a chapter of the Hell's Angels in. In Stuttgart or the Black Forest? Because they weren't good on the bikes. If he's out running them in a bulldozer.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

What kind of. With these mopeds?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, you're right. Because bulldozer is good for eight miles an hour. That's wide open. Yeah. That's interesting.

[Joe Rogan]

In fact, a Panzer tank could go 12 miles an hour.

[Brian Bishop]

Right? Yeah. Oh, no. Probably a Little bit better than that, by the way.

[Adam Carolla]

I appreciate though, the writing or the rewriting of the story to include kilometers or miles.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm going to go Germany on this one.

[Joe Rogan]

I, I have to, I have to guess Florida, because I just can't imagine Hell's Angels saying, you know, for vacation this year, honey, what do you think? You know the San Francisco rally, right.

[Brian Bishop]

Or Sturgis or Stuttgart or the Black Forest or Hamburg. Now you see how I use the alliteration there? Sturgis or St. G. You know, you're right. I was trying to put where the rally was. That's right.

[Joe Rogan]

Anyway, I'm going to Florida. What about you?

[Adam Carolla]

I'll go Germany.

[Brian Bishop]

Bald Brian. I was listening. I was looking up raising Helen. I'll say Florida. Florida. I got two Floridas. We got Bald Brian and, and, and, and Larry. And we have Germany. Teresa and I have Germany. The answer is Dudseldorf. It happened in Allenhausen, Germany. Freak remains.

[Adam Carolla]

It was the throwing puppies that tipped me.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. Floridian might be nuts, but do they throw puppies at bikes?

[Brian Bishop]

No, they rape them.

[Adam Carolla]

They rape them, obviously.

[Brian Bishop]

Or they give them.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's right.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Or they use them in a sex act. It's not, you know, the other.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, right. Somebody is asking, will we ever bring back who the F sells this?

[Adam Carolla]

S. I love that. Yeah, we don't have to use F and S now.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Who the sells this? Which is us opening like the Penny Saver and finding the people that are selling like one plastic trash can lid. Craigslist almost new with some damage to the right side.

[Adam Carolla]

$4 will not take less than $4.

[Brian Bishop]

Right. I mean, I like toothpicks with cellophane on top. Used in club sandwich. Only twice a penny a piece. Like literally selling things that should either be donated or thrown away. My, my mom's the kind of person that would has like balloons, bought like a, you know, a Spade shovel for $4, you know, paid $9 new from Home Depot less than three years ago. Like selling it for $4, that kind of thing.

[Joe Rogan]

There is some dignity to a garage sale. There's at least some dignity to that because you take your stuff right out of the garage, it's only 12ft away, and you say, maybe someone will buy the one napkin holder.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Joe Rogan]

And you. And it's always a nickel to 80 cents.

[Brian Bishop]

Right. The part, my favorite part about the garage sale is when the guy goes into the box, the mildewey cardboard box, he pulls out an eight track tape. It says the best of Gary Lewis and the Playboys. This diamond ring shines for all. And he holds it up and he says, how much? And the guy says, 89 cents. And the guy rolls his eyes back and says, come on, come on, let's be honest, this is a 50 cent. And they start. They're in change, they're haggling about. They're under a dollar, and the haggling has begun back and forth. He reaches down, he picks up a Best of Kansas. He holds that up, he says, okay, I'm a fair man. Like, you've already invested more time than the 40 cents. What's going on here, by the way? Afternoon is blown.

[Joe Rogan]

Or he says. Or he says, I wish I could, but I can't.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Joe Rogan]

I can't do it.

[Brian Bishop]

By the way, I like that one.

[Joe Rogan]

My dad used to, though. There are people who love to do this kind of thing. And my dad used to go. There was a Vietnamese luggage dealer, and when he and my mom used to come visit, they're not. They're not here anymore. But when he used to come to visit, every time he used to go to the luggage dealer, and they greeted him, it was like an Arab bazaar. They was just thrilled. Oh, Mr. Miller. Because he would play with them. They loved to do this. They would bring the whole family out and he'd say, it was a dance. He'd say, I don't need anything this time. I just came to say hello. And they'd say, well, let us show you something.

[Brian Bishop]

Would you take toiletry bag?

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, you take it for your wife. Nice makeup. And he'd say, no, I just came to say hello. And they'd say, well, this. We just got this in, and it's $28. And he'd say, I can't say anything. I can't. You know, what if for some of like this, because I just came to say hello.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Joe Rogan]

I might give you $16.

[Brian Bishop]

Right, right.

[Joe Rogan]

And then he'd say, well, we can't. So it's a dance.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, in the. In the. In the. In in the world of the yard sale, there's a lot of selling for people that aren't there or who split.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's my roommate's thermos.

[Brian Bishop]

They want to in and out run. Yeah, I know the cup's missing. Lots of questions that need to be answered. I don't know. I know she's missing the cup that screws onto the top of the tartan plant thermos, but I. I'm not sure where the plug is. The Little plugs.

[Adam Carolla]

I think it means it's gonna be.

[Brian Bishop]

Back in an hour. If you want to wait it out, maybe two. Yeah, yeah. No, I don't know where the other part of the handle is for that mug, but I know it can be repaired.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, yes, Larry Miller has a good point in that the garage sale has a certain amount of dignity. The Craigslist thing where you're selling a two dollar item, but you have to arrange a meet, right. This is going to take hours of time, right. Somebody is going to have to come to your home, right. And evaluate whether or not they want the Tupperware lid.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I, I am, I'm convinced that most of this is just basically gay code. I mean, the gays used to work the bandanas, then they used to work the up. I'm gonna go up on Zoo Drive and stand on the corner. I'll get you a hand in a shrub. You just stop the car, honk once. I mean, the gays constantly, they're really, they're sort of like prisoners, you know what I mean? You take away the booze, they make the pruno, right? You take away the knives, they make a shank out of a hairbrush, you know, I mean, that's how the gays are, except for replace hairbrush with anal sex. But the point is they will find a way. And I know there's a way that I know something's going on because a lot of this stuff is like, like it's a dollar come by the apartment, right? Nobody is going to have somebody come by their apartment to make a dollar.

[Adam Carolla]

Unless they're looking for a friend, looking.

[Brian Bishop]

For something stranger than that dollar. Right?

[Joe Rogan]

That's important to me. By the way, I can. I've gone. I, I love garage sales. But the one thing I, I've come back with books. You can always get something from there. But the one thing I could never do is when you see the RA of shirts and pants, I think, I can't do clothes. I wouldn't do clothes.

[Brian Bishop]

Too intimate.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, it's way too intimate. And socks, there are often socks there. And you want to say, you know what? I can't even get bowling shoes if I'm going to bowling shoes. I have to have six socks on my own.

[Brian Bishop]

The Corollas would do mattresses, floss. I mean, there was nothing that was out of bounds for my mother. Every mug, every plate, every. Every fork was from a dead trucker. Everyone, every mug had a ring on. I could count the rings like an oak tree and see how old the mug was. Because each decade there'd be that black ring that would be that coffee ring that would gather and somewhere at the top it would take it over. But yes, there was nothing that's literally mattresses, sofas, you know, things that had people's dander on it. Like. Yeah, I understand, A book or a record or, you know, skateboard or something like that. Monkey wrench, you know, a hard ticket item, a tool, you know, but the things that are sort of personal, especially sweaters. Sweater smells like the person. It's sort of like a dog's bed. It smells like the dog smells. Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

By the way. By the way, when I first moved out to California, as when comics in my world made the move from New York to California, I bought a used bed, a used mattress and box spring. And I had many years of success and. And rest on those mattresses. But I'm still. It took me till I finally got the first new bed before I realized that's disgusting.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Joe Rogan]

I was just. I was after the fact, horrified that I had slept on it and hugged on it.

[Brian Bishop]

You know, the ultimate really. You never really think about it. It's one we used to get all the time. Lots of shoes, lots of boots and shoes like tennis shoes and boots and stuff like, hey, these boots, they fit real nice. Yeah. The guy was riding a motorcycle, was killed. They pulled it off.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Because where we used to get this shit is Salvation Army.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

And ironically was on army street now called Cesar Chavez. Sure. But yeah, you wondered like how many of these items were taken off cadavers or.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, by the way, this, this. I haven't told this. This only comes up when I'm with you. And why wouldn't it. We had a 64 Fury III in my family. My father had a friend. We'd always get used cars. And this is a 64 Fury 3, which was a great car, by the way. And it always smelled. It smelled. It just smelled a little off. We loved it. And it didn't stop anyone. You put the family in, you go to grandma's house for whatever it is. And we found out. He asked his friend always lied to him, always rooked him. And it had. It was taken out of the east river in New York. It had a body in the trunk. And it was pulled out of the east river and taken down to the. All the paint came on, taking down the rust, repainted it was white, but they never got the smell number one of the river out of it.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Joe Rogan]

It might be in better shape now, but not too much.

[Brian Bishop]

This is pre Febreze, by the way.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, you couldn't even hang the little pine. Pine tree on the, on the rear.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I'm decomposing flesh.

[Joe Rogan]

And there was a bunny in the trunk. And we used to get in there. We had that thing four years. Got in there how many times a week? 50. And each time you get in, it never goes away. Each time you get in, you say, gee, that's horrifying. All right, let's go to school.

[Brian Bishop]

Old cars, by the way, just had their own smell. If you go to a car show and you're just walking around, you sort of lean your head in. You don't have to climb in. You just lean your head into that dodge dart from 1965 and you take an inhale, you go, wow, I'm back in junior high. Or this is my childhood. Like, it has that smell. All right, T, why don't we mop up with the rest of your news. Larry Miller will hang out with us and help us bring it home for you. From the International news Center next to Donnie's mini bikes, this is the news with Doris Lisa Strasser.

[Adam Carolla]

First of all, I'd like to dedicate the second part of the news to Jake from Seattle and all of his self esteem boosting brethren.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I love you.

[Adam Carolla]

Who are the most disliked figures in Sports according to Forbes.com?

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, very quickly, somebody's called up and want to know why I showed up late to the Irvine show a million years ago. Oh, Mike Auget. We, we did, did a bunch of shows like we did Thursday night, Friday night, Saturday night, Sunday night show at the Irvine Improv. And when I left Saturday night, I said, what time tomorrow night, Mike? And he said, eight o'clock, buddy. And I said, awesome. And it was a 7:00 show. Oh, no, I showed up at five minutes to eight.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that must be a horrible feeling when it actually, when you process what's.

[Brian Bishop]

Happened, I'll tell you. It's a horrible feeling when you're at your house in Hollywood and it's like 7, it's like 6:49, 6:53. And you basically, you get a phone call and I'm planning it's gonna take me an hour to get to Irvine plus and somebody says, where are you, buddy? The show starts in eight minutes. And anyone who knows the lay of the land, Hollywood to Irvine is an hour if you do it in the Batmobile. And it's just one of those, it's one of those things like when you're 20 minutes away and someone goes, where are you, buddy? You go, hold on. But you hurry. But you can't hurry to Irvine. No.

[Joe Rogan]

In the middle of the night. In the middle of the night by missile. It's 50 minutes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So that whole hour, were you just cursing Mike? Are you just stressed cuz you're thinking.

[Brian Bishop]

About a packed room up for you though? Yeah. The Wii opened up for you, so.

[Adam Carolla]

There'S a packed room with show. Yeah, it was watching the wheeze for an hour.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I had Fitz. Fitzsimmons. Yeah. All right, sorry, go ahead.

[Adam Carolla]

He can do an hour. Go ahead, T. So Forbes.com has come out with a list of the 10 most disliked sports figures. Anyone got guesses for this list?

[Brian Bishop]

Well, you got your Barry Bonds. You got your Tiger woods retired.

[Adam Carolla]

Barry didn't make it.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Oh, he didn't make it. Oh, you mean they have to be active?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Well, no, they don't have to.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, Kobe bettery on the list. Oh, shush up. No, do they have to be active? I. I wouldn't. Would they? I guess. Well, I don't know. Okay, so they don't do or don't need to be active. We don't care.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, these are current.

[Brian Bishop]

Gotta be Vic. Michael Vick. Yeah, Vic's always on top.

[Adam Carolla]

Nice. You got number one. Michael.

[Brian Bishop]

Vic. Wow.

[Joe Rogan]

Well, I feel like I should win some kind of luggage.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll throw a puppy at you in honor of.

[Joe Rogan]

We're so used to game shows. I mean, I swear I wanted to go, oh, I expected an audience. That was the number one answer.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, that was a good question.

[Adam Carolla]

They're sports figures. They're not always athletes.

[Brian Bishop]

Right. This.

[Adam Carolla]

There's one that you've discussed at length. That's an owner.

[Brian Bishop]

Lance Armstrong's cancerous ball.

[Adam Carolla]

Not the healthy ball.

[Brian Bishop]

Not the healthy ball, but the cancer.

[Joe Rogan]

It's got to be the guy who owns the Dallas Cowboys. What's his name?

[Brian Bishop]

Jerry Jones.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Number five.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow, look at you.

[Adam Carolla]

Much better than that hypothetical.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm no game show host like Larry Miller, but I don't think. Hey, you know that guy? Yeah, that guy. I don't know if that always. Like we're playing Jeopardy. What is that guy who's had the bad plastic surgery, you know? Alex, come on. By the way, the guy has the. From Dallas.

[Joe Rogan]

That's the way I do it. So far, I'm not very good. They say. Okay, what's the. Where's the answer?

[Brian Bishop]

It's over there. It's in the camera. Look in the camera. Yeah, yeah. Refrain from using ethnic slurp. Yeah. Steinbrenner.

[Adam Carolla]

Steinbrenner did not make the top 10.

[Joe Rogan]

Good guess, though.

[Brian Bishop]

March shot.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no.

[Joe Rogan]

Georgia Frontier.

[Adam Carolla]

These tend to be still on people's minds right now.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay, anybody from the boxing world? Anybody from the basketball world? Duncan.

[Adam Carolla]

There's a couple. There's a basketball Minute ball. He just.

[Brian Bishop]

I know they're angry. His fans are angry.

[Adam Carolla]

Humanity.

[Brian Bishop]

But you know that thing where the person dies in the movie? They're like, damn you for leaving me so soon.

[Adam Carolla]

Gilbert Arenas, number 10.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

What did Arenas do?

[Brian Bishop]

The one who smuggled the gun in, like waves around the locker room. Right? Someone with a gun.

[Adam Carolla]

A Golden State warrior.

[Brian Bishop]

He was a Washington wizard at the time. Yeah. I'm gonna go.

[Joe Rogan]

I just have 10 explanations from you, and I still don't know who it is.

[Brian Bishop]

Here's the problem. The Washington went from the Bullets, right? Oh, yeah. Wizards. Here's why Wizards is black bad. You have an all black team. There's no black Wizards. That's an old guy with a grape.

[Adam Carolla]

God. I've seen Harry Potter and was there.

[Brian Bishop]

Any with a wand? No, that's a bad name. And they should take. They should really factor that in. You know what I mean? The Panthers or something like that. That's something. You know what I mean? Warlocks and Wizards. I'm sure they're pissed about it. I'm sure half the guys on the team aren't sure what a wizard.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait a second.

[Brian Bishop]

Don't think wizard. Oh, that's. That's the thing. That's that mop. I think it's. I think it's a wonder.

[Adam Carolla]

It's some kind of mop they call black magic.

[Brian Bishop]

I know, but there's no black wizards. You know what I mean? They really have to factor that in.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, let's talk to the Harry Potter lady, J.K. rowling.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

See if she can make it more diverse.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, I don't want to see it all white clippers.

[Brian Bishop]

By the way. There weren't a lot of brothers on the Dharma stop.

[Joe Rogan]

By the way, I'm Morgan Freeman must have called for one of the Harry Potter movies to say, you know, I'd be very interested in that.

[Brian Bishop]

And they probably.

[Joe Rogan]

They had to say to him, that sounds great.

[Brian Bishop]

Right? We. We love it.

[Joe Rogan]

We just want to bounce it off a few people.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. I think Isaac Hayes is up for the first one. Isaac, was that.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you were to play that old guy?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Is that Gallum? Who is the old guy? Randolph, Don't Pretend you don't know it said double door. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

So hold on.

[Adam Carolla]

Isaac Hayes was up for that?

[Brian Bishop]

Isaac, you're up for that role? Yeah. All right. Did you turn it down or you didn't respond to the material? Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you turned it down after screen testing.

[Brian Bishop]

Sometimes you don't always get the job, Isaac. No, but this.

[Adam Carolla]

This would have been a huge payday for you.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, you did check, so. I mean, that. That was a pretty big film for you, right? And I. I know, I know it's a little complicated and convoluted. It's hard to explain.

[Randy]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, do you like the work of J.K. rowling?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

It's.

[Adam Carolla]

It's up your alley, right?

[Warren Cromartie]

Sometimes.

[Brian Bishop]

The first one, it's good. Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

The first one is good. Or the most recent.

[Warren Cromartie]

That's good.

[Adam Carolla]

Goblet of Fire.

[Brian Bishop]

No, that was that. He likes the early work, I think is what we. We figured out.

[Adam Carolla]

I see. The first one he likes.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. And how would you compare it to working on Shaft? Or at least potentially working on Shaft. Good. That's good.

[Adam Carolla]

So do you think the movies are, you know, really loyal to the book?

[Warren Cromartie]

Sometimes.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, see if you can give a slightly long winded answer to why you didn't work on it.

[Randy]

You know, know, it's. It's a thing that you get.

[Brian Bishop]

Did you get when you do sha.

[Adam Carolla]

We weren't asking about Shaft, though.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, I see.

[Adam Carolla]

We were asking about.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, thanks, Isaac. We appreciate it, but now, I didn't mean to offend you or any of the people in your community, but I'm just saying. No, I. I've never seen black wizards or warlocks in. But in these movies.

[Adam Carolla]

But Isaac is saying that he could.

[Brian Bishop]

Have been up for the role, but the whole. His chainmail vest probably held him back. It's hard to fly with one of those things. Yeah, yeah. It's a chain mail. I think it's chain nail. But whatever it is, the point. The chain mail, the point is this. The Wizards probably have one white guy on it. The rest are brothers. And I don't think they're happy about the name. And I think they ought to discuss that with the team before they just haul off and call them wizards. Thank you. There's already Orlando man Magic, which is bad enough. Right.

[Adam Carolla]

There's a. There's another basketball player at number nine.

[Joe Rogan]

I just have to tell you. Forgive me. That was Break a sweat.

[Brian Bishop]

Funny.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know why Isaac is always really. But, you know, he's in heaven. And you know one thing sometimes.

[Brian Bishop]

No, What?

[Adam Carolla]

Wait, what? Oh, my God. Please don't tell me you're in the bad place.

[Brian Bishop]

No. Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

No, you're not in heaven. You don't know where you are. Is it hot?

[Warren Cromartie]

Sometimes.

[Brian Bishop]

But he's not wearing a shirt, so he's fine.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, right.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He wasn't buried a suit. He was buried a vest with no shirt on underneath. Yeah. No. Yeah. Oh, you weren't. You were buried in a suit? No. Okay, well, he's now being argumentative.

[Joe Rogan]

I just have a question since we've never met before. Isaac, do you like working, you know, over here with Adam and Teresa and.

[Brian Bishop]

Brian in y short but sweet.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, he has a. A short commute from the hereafter.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Yeah. Thank you, Isaac.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, I want to ask him, how's Manute Bo?

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yeah. Really? Yeah. Oh, no, not a fan. Not a fan. No. No.

[Adam Carolla]

How can you not love him?

[Brian Bishop]

No. I think we know who's gonna put the star on top of the Christmas tree this year, though. In heaven.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's gonna be new candidate.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. All right. To out the rest of the folks on that list.

[Adam Carolla]

Allen Iverson also made the list. People don't care for him. Alex Rodriguez.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, I like him.

[Brian Bishop]

What do you do?

[Adam Carolla]

And number seven, T. Oh, no, man. You sound like so much like Isaac Hayes.

[Brian Bishop]

I know. Well, Tio. Tio's just doing his thing.

[Adam Carolla]

No Mark McGuire.

[Brian Bishop]

Well. Oh, well. Yeah. All right, so it's guys that over can be guys.

[Adam Carolla]

Ben Roethlisberger.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, listen, that's a dusting of rape. And those chicks have a great story. And by the way, you know, when you're with your, like, eventually those guys get married. You know what I mean? The women that Ben rapes gets married, or at least feels up gets married. You know, they get married. And I can tell you as a guy, you never want to hear about the old boyfriends or what happened. And God forbid you were with Corey Feldman or someone like that, you're like, ah, Jesus Christ, there's not a loofah big enough to get that stink off you. But if this guy comes from the, you know, Tri Rivers area over there, you know what I mean? I mean, if he's at all a fan of, you know, Pennsylvania sports, and turns out Big Ben was with his old lady, so he forced himself on her. The point is, that's almost a feather in the cap, you know what I mean? That guy's gonna get drunk. That guy's Gonna get drunk and he's gonna be like, hey, hey. And no one ever does this with your wife. Tell my buddies who fucked you before me. Come on. On. Come on.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't want to get in. It was not consensual.

[Brian Bishop]

Come on.

[Adam Carolla]

It's not. It's a terrible memory.

[Brian Bishop]

And then the guessing's gonna begin. By the way, Joe Green. How low, Lindsay? How low Jack Splat the lawyer gets when they say Johnny Shell. Sorry, I already said Jack Splat. That's what they call sorry.

[Joe Rogan]

I just want to see the ambulance chaser lawyer who meets with all these folks, the ones who'll suit anyone for anything, right? But then when someone says, well, I was before the Ben Roethlisberger thing broke. I went out with him a couple of times, right? And even that kind of lawyer would have to say, that's thin.

[Brian Bishop]

It's very thin. Right.

[Joe Rogan]

There's nothing there for me.

[Brian Bishop]

Sure, T. One more story and then we'll bring it home.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. I left off one of these ten most, like disliked. And I was sure you'd get it. You've gone on many rants about. About this guy. He does not play. He's an owner.

[Brian Bishop]

As an owner. Wait a minute.

[Adam Carolla]

And he's number two.

[Brian Bishop]

What sport that's gonna not.

[Joe Rogan]

It's not gonna be football owner number two.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, it's gotta be Craft. Robert Kraft.

[Joe Rogan]

No, I would say Al Davis. Modell, who sold the Browns.

[Brian Bishop]

Al Davis. Yeah. It's gotta be. Oh, right, you're right.

[Warren Cromartie]

You're right.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You've gone on many rants.

[Brian Bishop]

So obvious. Well, I don't hate Al Davis. Sorry, I've said this once again. I don't hate. I hate.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait, you're gonna say something once and again and again.

[Brian Bishop]

I hate pompous guys. I don't like when Sean Puffy Combs walks around in his Sean John sports attire. I think it's ludicrous. It's like, for the same thing, Larry Miller wouldn't even walk around as Arsenio hall bathrobe. The point is, if there was a show called the Larry Miller show, and Larry Miller was walking around brown and a silk blazer that said Larry Miller in the back, he would be an.

[Joe Rogan]

I'd be the first one to hit me, right?

[Brian Bishop]

And what Al Davis does is Al Davis walks around in nothing but Raider garb constantly. Pajamas. He. I mean, it even has, like a leather GI that says Raiders on the back and all kind of stuff. And it's. I. I've said it once. I'll say it again. It's like the president. It's like if Barack Obama dressed as Uncle Sam. We get it. We know who you are. Wear a nice suit. Show some class. You don't have to wear the big hat, the red, white and blue thing and the fake beard. It's. It's ridiculous.

[Joe Rogan]

By the way, there was one of the political conventions in.

[Brian Bishop]

I'd like to see him do it once.

[Adam Carolla]

Just once.

[Brian Bishop]

Just one for a party. Just for a party. Once. Why not? He's a little thing, Al Davis. If you ever see him interview, feud, anywhere. There's no such thing as a nice blazer, a sport coat, a sweater, whatever, turtleneck. No. And every other team owner in the league just wears a nice tailored suit. He wears Raider everywhere all the time. That's got to be photoshopped. There's a picture of Barack Obama or a guy looks like Barack. I don't think that is Barack Obama.

[Adam Carolla]

No, but he isn't a.

[Joe Rogan]

He looks like a circus ringmaster.

[Brian Bishop]

He is in a red, white and blue outfit. Yeah. Yeah. So Al Davis, number two. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Why do people hate him? Just the outfits or Al Davis hair?

[Brian Bishop]

He's a dick. I mean, he's a pompous ass. But on the other hand, he kind of gets what he wants. You know, he wants a new stadium. He. He threatens to move, you know, they want to keep him. He does. He battles the city that he's moving from in Oakland stuff, but he ends up sort of winning most of the time. He fired his coach. You know, I don't know. I mean, he's an old, Old nutty guy. I think people just think about kissing him. I think they think. No. Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

It'd be like making out with a satchel.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

By the way, after that reaction when every woman would say, when he says, would you kiss me? And every woman says, oh, I really can't. That's when he shows the Raider thing, right? And then they say, ah, well, yeah, he's Al Davis.

[Brian Bishop]

And. And again, there's no such thing as a picture of him with Al wearing some sort of league authorized Raider paraphernalia. And it just. I don't know. It's pompous. It really is.

[Adam Carolla]

Do we have time for one last story?

[Brian Bishop]

There's 25 pictures of Al Davis just popped up on the screens wearing a Raider silk Raiders blazer in every single one of them. All right, go ahead. Next story. One more.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, one more. Do you guys want to hear about a drunken bet or what some pagans are up, up to.

[Brian Bishop]

Ah, Pagans.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay. From wizards to pagans.

[Brian Bishop]

Now. Are they pagans fatter than Wiccans? I can't remember.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a very good question.

[Brian Bishop]

I know. They're all a husky crew. There's no such thing as a wicking under £180. It's nuts. I feel like Molly Sims would never be able to be recruited to be a wick. No, it just doesn't work.

[Adam Carolla]

I think pagans are slimmer because they do like, dancing around the woods and things that burn cows.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Bonfires, drum circles, dancing, candlelit meditation and other ceremonial rituals help usher in the summer solstice at the annual Pagan spirit gathering, now in its 30th year in the United States. Well, this is good news for bp.

[Brian Bishop]

Mm. Why?

[Adam Carolla]

Why? You ask why? Because they're putting out a special prayer to help the Earth recover from the BP oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. They say we always do planetary healing prayers, meditations, and ceremonies on solstice day itself. And we will be continuing our prayers about the oil disaster.

[Brian Bishop]

What about the one they made many years ago for their stepdad to stop molesting them?

[Adam Carolla]

Was not answered.

[Brian Bishop]

That was not answered. Why should this one be answered?

[Joe Rogan]

By the way, if the pagans gather to say a prayer for the earth, I think that may be the one time the Earth would actually show up just to say, shut up. Stop that immediately.

[Brian Bishop]

I had a great conversation with. Well, just say her name. Zoe Friedman. Zoe is. Well now. Larry Miller probably knows her father. Sure. You buddy Bud Freeman. Great guy. Zoe. Great girl. And we've always had a laugh over the years because she told me back in the day that her sister was a lesbian. And once in a while, I said, well, how's it going? You know, how's your sister doing? We were. She worked at Comedy Central. I was working at Comedy Central. And she literally said, well, there was a problem. She was living on, like, an ashram or, like, a lesbian kibbutz or something. And she said there was a fire and her motorcycle was totaled. And I was like, that's really like saying, what happened? Your black friend, he choked on some fried chicken or something.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, it was like stereotypes type in one story, right?

[Brian Bishop]

The part that I forgot about in this story is that she changed her last name from Freedman to Freed woman.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, now spelled with a Y. I.

[Brian Bishop]

Didn'T go that deep because they don't sometimes they like. And that when Bud would try to visit her, it was like, all right. It was a sort of on deck kind of thing. It was like when an officer's on deck, he had to get paperwork and they had to clear him. And the ladies had to know there's a penis in the mix here. And I just thought, wow, the world according to Garp.

[Joe Rogan]

It was like, you know, just do me a favor, sit in the back till the meeting's over.

[Brian Bishop]

Right. It was fucking great. Now she's out of it and leading a what you would call more normal lifestyle somewhere in Oregon or something. But I just forgot about the changing of the last name and the. And the hut burning down because the motorcycle caught on fire.

[Joe Rogan]

My friend Lotus was in the early days, there was a guy who's tripping so much, had so much acid, she said he saw a carton of Knudsen's milk and he had a vision that he was being told that he should be the nude son of God. And that from then on, he just took all his clothes off for a year and walked around the whole commune. And until someone again, even. Even hippies would say, you have to stop this immediately. You need to put something on here. Here's a shirt.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow. So the. These are. These aren't Wiccans.

[Adam Carolla]

They're pagans.

[Brian Bishop]

They're pagans, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, the Wiccans.

[Brian Bishop]

Not like the pagans. I wonder if they're the army and the Navy, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Or the Crips and the Bloods when.

[Brian Bishop]

We just look at them as the same.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

Game. Yeah, they're just gay. They're gang bangers or enlisted men. I don't know. They hate each other in a bathroom.

[Joe Rogan]

They always have a fight. The Navy and the Marines, Right? Hey, jarhead.

[Brian Bishop]

What?

[Joe Rogan]

Do you still shave your legs?

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yeah. All right. The kisser.

[Adam Carolla]

So you think the Wiccans and the pagans are.

[Brian Bishop]

I bet they don't like each other.

[Adam Carolla]

They're beefing.

[Brian Bishop]

They don't like each other. Like Dr. Drew hates every other doctor.

[Adam Carolla]

I got it.

[Brian Bishop]

It's just one of those too close and whatever they say about the other. And they probably don't like the fact that we can't tell the difference within between the two of them. And they do things like listen and they get offended. Oh, hold on, sweetie. I'm wicked. I'm not pagan. Those people go out in the forest and dance around fires, whereas we go out to the woods and dance around fires. So it's a totally different scene. Yes, absolutely different night and day.

[Joe Rogan]

It's like Methodist and Lutheran.

[Brian Bishop]

You want to say, come on, I.

[Adam Carolla]

Can'T tell the difference.

[Brian Bishop]

Arguing and just join up. We all look at you. We're all laughing by the the way. And when we're done laughing, just a bunch of fat chicks who recycle. That's about it.

[Joe Rogan]

When the by the way, the one thing the pagans and the Wiccans agree on, if a vegan shows up, look at.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, that's when they unite.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, listen, one thing Selena Fox, who's a high priestess at Circle Sanctuary, a Wisconsin based pagan resource center, will tell you is that we will always explore ways that the various organizations and traditions represented at our gathering can support relief efforts.

[Brian Bishop]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

So that's for bp. I mean nothing.

[Brian Bishop]

If you're gonna do something, grab, you know, a couple of hundred thousand maxi pads and hit the beach, you know what I mean? If you really like it. You sitting around and chanting on something's all not all fair and well, but you're not doing anything. This is a way of you helping out without leaving your house. Well, your forest.

[Adam Carolla]

You're the forest. Yeah, exactly.

[Brian Bishop]

That's very funny.

[Joe Rogan]

We dance around the. We do it in the woods.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, shut up. No, you shut up. That's right. We go counterclockwise. Number one.

[Joe Rogan]

Which is the right way.

[Brian Bishop]

Which is the right way. Yes. Number two. Whereas you guys, you, you guys sacrifice goats, we do lambs. So again, totally different here. There's apples and oranges. You have heavyset women in ceremonial garb. We have heavy set women and what we call a fry rock. It's a totally different animal. Do you understand?

[Joe Rogan]

Our sandals have a toe hold.

[Brian Bishop]

Yours have just a strap over at the top.

[Adam Carolla]

Our candelabras are wood and there's a wrought iron. Yes, totally different.

[Brian Bishop]

We go with a truck tire tread on the bottom. Our sandals. Whereas yours is tanned leather. So it's a completely different ball of wax here people. And speaking of wax, we use strictly sand candles. You guys use regular and, and oftentimes scented candles, which is clearly an infringement of the by rules of a wicked. So I the fact that we're compared the same religion sickens me.

[Joe Rogan]

By the way, when they show up together at Whole Foods.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh God. When they run into each other, I could see the stare down happening at the fresh peanut butter grind where you make your own. You make your own peanut butter where you stand there. Laura Scudder's not good enough.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh my God.

[Brian Bishop]

There's nothing in it but peanuts. But now we got to both stand there by the grind. There's a stared at a lot of tension.

[Adam Carolla]

Well you everyone knows that the pagans already there making their peanut butter. And you See the wicked not far away and you just bolt. I don't want to be. I don't want to be in the crossfire.

[Brian Bishop]

Both people that make 12 grand a year who are willing to pay 18 for jar of peanut butter, that, that I think some common ground. Like if I, yeah, if I was to Henry Kissinger, the Jimmy Carter. I was trying to unite these two fronts. I would start with the unbleached, unsalted whole peanuts that they get down.

[Adam Carolla]

You certainly should be able to sit down at the table because you each spend 30% of your income on peanut.

[Brian Bishop]

Butter and 80% of your day at the table. So I don't think I need to get you sit down. Getting up off the table would be, you know, that would be my Camp David for these people.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I think we've learned a lot.

[Brian Bishop]

Got to get the wick, the Wiccans.

[Adam Carolla]

And maybe we can get a pagan and a Wiccan and they can explain to us the difference.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, how embarrassing to have a high school speaker come where you ask the pagans to show up, you idiot. They call the motorcycle gang instead.

[Brian Bishop]

Right?

[Joe Rogan]

And there's a guy shows up, you know, with the 1% and he's stoned and he's a killer.

[Brian Bishop]

Should I bring it home? You cnn? All right. I was gonna give Larry Miller some plugs, but he went over 4. In the hypothetical, the only plug is.

[Joe Rogan]

I'm here and it's just good to see you.

[Brian Bishop]

Late Night Live on the Game Show Network Thursday nights, 11 o'clock. And you just go to LarryMillerHumor.com if you want to find out where he's appearing. He's always traveling around this beautiful country of ours spreading mirth. And go to LarryMillerHumor.com also go to AdamCarolla.com hit the banner for Mangrate and support one of our great supporters. Mangrate. They make a beautiful cast iron. 100% cast iron, 100% made in America. They got a deal going on on for the 4th of July. Let's get to grilling All American. And again, one of our sponsors, man. Great. So until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Paul Bryant, Larry Miller, Teresa Strasser and Isaac Hayes. Oh, hurry, Brian. Hurry, hurry. Yeah. Saying mahalo.

[Teresa Strasser]

All right, that's Adam Krillo Show 348. Coming up for our final clip today, we have Adam Kirlishow, 350. We have Matthew Asner, Danny Gold, Samurai Bears. Along with Joe Rogan, Teresa Strasser and Brian Bishop. This one's also from 2010. Check it out.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, T, you're getting ready with your news.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm looking for my goddamn plugs over here. I don't know what the I did with my paper. So why don't you start pretending like you're doing the news, and then I'll just jump in and stop you at some point.

[Adam Carolla]

Good idea. How about an intro?

[Brian Bishop]

Mm, hold on. Here we go. Pinnacle College. That's right. Video game sound design and recording engineer programs. Here's how it works. You go in there in less than a year, you walk out of there with a degree. I think they have some assistance, some financial assistance available as well. And then you start in the fast paced, lucrative, and super nerdy world of doing design. Doing sound design for video games, but also any kind of engineering, I guess, involving sound, like we were talking about before. One of their graduates recently won an Oscar for the Hurt Locker. And also they've won Grammys as well. Double threat. So you can learn musicianship skills. Jesus, that's a bad word to say when you've had some Jamesons. Oh, that's musicianship. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

With that barbecue sauce still in your.

[Brian Bishop]

Mouth, if a cop ever pulls you over, try not to weave in the word musicianship.

[Adam Carolla]

It's hard to avoid it.

[Brian Bishop]

You know what I mean?

[Adam Carolla]

During a traffic stop, how am I supposed to not say musicianship?

[Brian Bishop]

It's true. Yep. Such as critical listening, musical structure, and form. The best practices when composing an interactive music score. Wow. Wow. Good times. 888-59-08824. That's 888-590-8824. Check out their new website at Pinnacle College Edu. That's Pinnacle College Edu. And of course, our good friends at Mangrate, who again, have been selling these babies like hotcakes. Maybe they should call themselves Man Griddle. Good one, Ace Radio. Write that one down. All right. Yeah, they're good guys. Stuff's all made in America, and it works. 100% cast iron and 100% made in America. And a lot of you have been getting the man great reporting back to us, telling us just how much you dig it. So let's keep the party train rolling. Click on the [e-mail]. all right now, T Bone.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

The news.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you.

[Brian Bishop]

From the International news Center next to Donny's mini bikes, this is the news with Teresa Strasser.

[Adam Carolla]

Lot to get to today. General McChrystal has resigned. He is being replaced by General Petraeus. President Obama agreed to accept his Resignation, effectively ousting him from the position of top commander in Afghanistan and replacing him with General Petraeus. The decision came in the wake of a Rolling stone interview with McChrystal in which the general and his aides made disparaging remarks about the Obama administration, including digs at the president himself. Obama, good news is you're fired or just can you resign or I'm going to fire your ass. Obama said yesterday that he let McChrystal go not because of any policy disagreement or personal insult, but instead because, quote, it is the right decision for our national security.

[Brian Bishop]

The president said, hold on, what's that mean?

[Adam Carolla]

Here's my interpretation. It's one thing.

[Brian Bishop]

Fire you and burn down your friggin house.

[Adam Carolla]

Exactly.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, he insulted the president. You have to fire him. If he insults the president, we're at war. It's not national security.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the weird thing is he doesn't disagree with him on policy issues. He just kind of insulted. It was more of like ad hominem.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, it's kind of like I have to fire you because people found out that you talk about me and yeah, I have to fire you.

[Adam Carolla]

It's not really cool for you to mock me during a war.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I mean that, that's cool, but it's, it's not, it's not. If it's. You're not firing for security risk. I mean, he'll say, well, nobody in that position should be giving interviews and letting the sensitive. Whatever going. But the sensitive information is that I'm a dick.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I think McCrystal was leaking some shit.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh really?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, there's some.

[Brian Bishop]

But. So he would have fired him without this incident. It's always funny when something happens where they go, well, I'm not firing you because of this incident. I'm just happen to be firing you right now because of this incident. But would you have gotten fired anyway?

[Adam Carolla]

No, probably not over a leak. It's hard to prove, but you can't just go to Rolling Stone and start insulting people. That's why he's firing them.

[Brian Bishop]

Attacks.

[Adam Carolla]

That's why he's firing.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, they should just say, that's why I'm firing you.

[Adam Carolla]

It's weird because there were generals who disagreed with Bush, but they disagreed on policy matters. That seems different. That seems like telling truth.

[Brian Bishop]

What did he call what he called.

[Adam Carolla]

Obama wuss or something? Wusses in the White House, essentially. So goodbye, McChrystal.

[Brian Bishop]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, Dutch police.

[Brian Bishop]

Was he good?

[Adam Carolla]

McChrystal? Yeah, well, all I know is that he Was on the same page policy wise with the Obama administration. He just had a personal problem.

[Brian Bishop]

What can I say this? Does any general in the field, much less anybody in the field, like the guy back in the air conditioned office stateside, you know what I mean? Is there any, is there anybody who does a TV show that likes the suits in the, in the main building while they're out doing 14 hour days? I mean, is it, you know, is there any grunt on the ground that likes the general that's pushing them around?

[Adam Carolla]

It's weird. Maybe you found this when you became a landlord. Like you probably thought I'm going to be the awesome landlord because I'm not going to be a douche to my renters. But then somehow they found a way to hate you because you were their landlord.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, there's just that thing that, you.

[Adam Carolla]

Know, inherently don't like your boss.

[Brian Bishop]

Bad students have with their principal or even students have with their principal or just whatever the 711 employees have with their manager. This is that thing. I mean, I'm just saying going back to the Civil War, everyone on the ground, I mean everyone that was kind of in the trenches at fight, I'm sure they had some policy issues and I'm sure, especially now that they're, I mean, think about what these guys have to do. Think about the rules of engagement that they have to deal with. They can't return fire unless they can find out that there's no civilians, blah, blah, blah. You know, I'm sure everyone is miserable. Think of how many rules there are in war now versus World War II, World War I. So I'm sure as the bean counters, you know, multiply and as the lawyers multiply and as the suits multiply, the generals are going to get more and more miserable, whatever battlefront they're on. And by the way, everything's going to be filmed and reviewed and taped and you know, and there's going to be, it's going to have to go all the way up the chain of command before you can open fire on anything. Now. I mean, I'm just saying being a general and being, or just being a Marine and having someone doing the armchair quarterback sort of sitting at home going, I don't think you should have fired or now you can't go in there or whatever. I just think it's going to make that job more and more miserable.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that the whole, you know, fighting sucks anyway. And it sucks anyway and you're fighting an unwinnable war.

[Brian Bishop]

But I do think that, I do think that at Least what the guys had back in the day was, like, a certain amount of autonomy. Like, they just go, listen, I'm going up that hill. I'm gonna get those Japs out of Cave.

[Adam Carolla]

This is my battalion.

[Brian Bishop]

This is my battalion. Like, that's what I'm doing. I'm not gonna, like, write a letter back to the stateside and wait for paperwork. Yeah. Like, it's just. Like, it was just. We're just gonna do it. Like, at least you had that. You may be. You may be coming home in a bag, but at least you had that. This is my battalion and I'm gonna make this. I'm gonna call the shots here.

[Adam Carolla]

Remember when we were talking about Anne Frank and how the Dutch are a little bit suspect because somebody narked her out?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, now there's more trouble for the Jews.

[Brian Bishop]

Grandma Vandersloot.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, maybe.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, maybe. Sure. It was a relative.

[Adam Carolla]

Dutch police.

[Brian Bishop]

Can't be that many bad Dutch, right? Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Dutch police. Dutch police. Why they did. Why do they need police? I'll tell you. There's trouble with the Jews.

[Brian Bishop]

What?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah. People are always turning on the Jews. Well, they've. They've got an idea. They're going to use decoy Jews. They're going to dress law enforcers in Jewish religious dress, such as skull caps, in an effort to catch anti Semitic attackers. You know, sometimes female cops go undercover as a hooker.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, fuck. Do I. They do what? What?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's how they try to catch johns.

[Brian Bishop]

Believe me, I've seen Policewoman enough times.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? I know.

[Brian Bishop]

Sergeant Pepper, I think was. Her name was literally Sergeant Pepper.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it sounds right.

[Brian Bishop]

Her name was Pepper. Angie Dickinson. Anyway. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Amsterdam's mayor has ordered the new decoy strategy to cut the number of verbal and physical attacks on Jews amid fears that anti Semitic hate crime is on the rise.

[Brian Bishop]

Let me ask you this. When they do the thing with the policewoman, then what happens is the guy just goes to the corner to get a six pack, and then when he's walking home, the chick walks up to him and goes, hey, you want a date? And the chick's always kind of hot because she's not a whore, right?

[Adam Carolla]

She's a cop.

[Brian Bishop]

Like, missing teeth. And she has.

[Adam Carolla]

And they don't pick the butch cop, they pick the hottest cop.

[Brian Bishop]

She hasn't been beaten up by her. By her pimp and so on and so forth. So she has like, sort of a. I imagine they have a civilian quality to them, even though they're cops. But you know what I mean, they don't have that whore quality. So you go, oh, look over here. I got a newbie fresh off the bus. And then the guy's just walking to liquor store on a Friday night. Get a six pack, goes, all right, I live a quarter mile from here. And then she slaps the cuffs on him. But what does this one do? Like, you want we should get a shmear? Can I do that? Is that good?

[Adam Carolla]

How does he lure someone into attacking him?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I mean, maybe you should yell some verbal insults at him. Your teeth should fall out. Then in its place, hair should grow. And then the guy takes a swing at him and he arrests him.

[Adam Carolla]

They just dress in traditional garbage and then they.

[Brian Bishop]

Policewoman was her name. I know her name was Pepper, but I don't know if she made it to the rank of sergeant or not. And if she did, it'd be funny. If you're a female police officer who gets tapped on the shoulders, hey, you'd make good hooker. Are you. Are you. Are you a little bit like. Wait a minute. Out. Well, if you're the rest of the female cops and a guy walked past you to get to, you know, Sheila and tapped her on the shoulder and said, hey, you want to be a prostitute, Dude, I. I'd be. I don't know if that's a tip of the cap to the chick who got the tap on the shoulder. But, Teresa, if you were the cop they walked past to get to the other chick.

[Adam Carolla]

I'd be hurt.

[Brian Bishop]

You'd be hurt. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. Ace. Yeah, she was Sergeant Suzanne Pepper Anderson. Sergeant Pepper.

[Adam Carolla]

Also in Amsterdam, they use. Now, I don't know if you'd be insulted if you were asked to do this detail.

[Brian Bishop]

Chew it up, Corolla. You can pull it off. Look at that.

[Adam Carolla]

You forgot, row, they have decoy gays.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

To deal with hate crimes and attacks on homosexuals.

[Brian Bishop]

Put on this Freddie Mercury mustache, jut your jaw out. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You go down to the red light district and I guess you.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, you put this. Put this in your walk, man, and go. Sick walk, man. You got a boombox on your shoulder. Boombox. Sorry. Go ahead. Yeah, that's me in light skates. Cut off super short like Daisy Dukes. Just, you know, spray tan, chest.

[Adam Carolla]

Why does it seem like a made up movie about that.

[Brian Bishop]

I got my shoulder rocking out to this. Doing that spin move they do with the roller skates. Back and forth like a sister style. Back and forth, backwards. Yeah, very roller boogie. Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what hurts more than not being asked to be A decoy prostitute is being asked. Asked to be a decoy granny. They use those too, because people attack old, you know, old folks.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Rob them.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Frail old pensioners have been robbed. So in order to cut crime against them, they use decoy grannies.

[Brian Bishop]

Jesus Christ. Pay for that. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Secret television recordings by the Jewish Broadcasting Company there.

[Brian Bishop]

Just call it NBC or CBS or ABC or hbo.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we know what it is. Have shocked Amsterdam, a city which prides itself on liberalism and which is home to the Anne Frank Museum. The footage showed young men, often of immigrant origin, shouting and making Nazi salutes at a rabbi when he visited different areas of the Dutch capital.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, let me say this. I was just watching Inside Sports last night. Is that the Bryant Gumbel Show? Real sports. I know what you're going to say, by the way, with the soccer. Yeah, that's crazy. Crazy. Go explain it. Well, there were. There was a story, actually that they, I think, first discussed in O3, or maybe it was five years ago. Maybe it was like, oh, five. But I think it was 03. They originally did the story of the crazy racism that goes on in these European soccer stadiums and cities and not, you know, these kind of fringe Baltic republics, but like Spain. And I think the. Yeah, the majority, the Madrid team did it. And there was half the end zone area in Italy was like all skinheads and like Nazi signs and they held. They had a banner made of like butcher paper that was literally 3ft high and 65ft long that said something. I'll paraphrase here, but your home is Auschwitz and your bed is an oven. Like, get that drop. Yeah. And when the black kickers. Now, I don't. And these weren't like, these weren't our blacks. These are UK blacks. So they're practically white. You know us, they're white. This, this ain't Snoop Dogg in his posse. These are guys who speak with a British accent, have a light skinned black guys standing in the corner. Seal. Yeah, this is. No, this ain't even Seal. I mean, this is five shades lighter than seal. These guys are standing in the corner getting ready to do penalty kicks. They're pelting them with bananas.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh.

[Brian Bishop]

From the stands. From the stands. And the entire.

[Adam Carolla]

You're a monkey kind of thing.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the entire, the entire stadium in Madrid is doing like a, like monkey chance. This is now. This is going on in 2009, 2010. And all I have to say is this, to all those who think Europe is so evolved and so much ahead of us, and somehow we've cornered the market on racism and where. This would never take place in this country. We may think it, but it would never take place in this country. They are way the fuck behind us over there. I mean, just the idea that England has like two black players and everywhere they go around Europe, they're mercilessly taunted because they're black. And it's on. It's stadium wide. It's not, you know, it's not for drunken skinheads causing trouble. The whole fucking stadium's doing it.

[Adam Carolla]

Like what we did to Jackie Robinson but a long time ago, we didn't do it.

[Brian Bishop]

The whole stadium didn't do it. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, you know, half the Dodgers were pissed off about it and then Pee Wee Reese hugged him. You know, like, right. It wasn't. We do this thing where it's like everyone was racist in 1961. Or everyone. Well, our parents weren't fucking out, stringing anyone up or lighting. Quite the contrary. You know what I mean? Or my grandparents and your grandparents, if they were even here. You know what I'm saying?

[Warren Cromartie]

Florida.

[Brian Bishop]

And yes, there were death threats against Jackie Robinson and Hank Aaron when he got close to breaking Babe Ruth's records, but those were a handful of people. This wasn't 50,000 people in the soccer stadium.

[Adam Carolla]

Lord knows my mom didn't have any problem.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, wow. Yeah. She used her snatch for good.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. She was fighting the civil rights war.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Pants 1 Black Gosh Sausage at the time. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Speaking of soccer, as you may have heard, Landon Donovan kept the US, the US's World cup campaign alive with an injury time goal. The U.S. is going to be playing Ghana.

[Brian Bishop]

Injury time. Sounds like one of the best, one of the worst party store names ever.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

See that at the mall.

[Adam Carolla]

What do you get? Like a flint?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Wow. So where are we now?

[Adam Carolla]

We played Ghana June 26. And I don't know, I have trouble.

[Brian Bishop]

Understanding, as I've said, what. What's the population of Ghana?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know, but they're probably all better at soccer.

[Brian Bishop]

I know, but why? What is that? We got 300 million people here. Let's go. Advance to the round of the sweet 16. Now a tournament.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. That's what confuses me. I'm like, wait, England lost, but they're still in.

[Brian Bishop]

And then it's this whole thing where the guy, the soccer guy at the end has to do that wrap up thing where he goes, if the U.S. ties or wins and Nepal loses to Germany, then the US would go on to the, to the. To the bronze round. But if us loses, they can still get in. If God ties, it's like, okay, I know. For fun fact, they do a week of this in football season. Two weeks of this in football season. Oh, Jesus Christ. Real football. So much nicer.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's get to something important.

[Brian Bishop]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

Remember Jake Pavelka?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

He was here. Yeah, he was the bachelor.

[Brian Bishop]

He's the bachelor.

[Adam Carolla]

He was a pilot, remember? He cries a lot. Nice guy came in.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't want a pilot that cries a lot. I want a guy going, look at. As you've seen on the right side, can see the Grand Canyon out your window. The majesty of God's grandson. It's so spectacular. There's no way that could have been done by river. I'll tell you, their nights when I fly over, as the sun's setting and the shadows are cast upon the granite walls of that majestic canyon and I think of my grandfather passed. It's like, give me a second. Just give me a second. Okay. I think my grandfather took me camping there. Oh, thank you. He. His name was Merle. He was a friend and a mentor. Okay, winds out South Southwest, 4 knots, Louisiana. Temperature in LA 67 degrees. Should be landing wheels down about 47 minutes. Anyway, Merle, we took a donkey ride to the bottom of the Majestic.

[Adam Carolla]

Able to snap out of it though.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, he gets into pilot mode every once in a while. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, now Jake has something to cry about.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh.

[Adam Carolla]

His relationship with Vienna is over and he had to find out about it by reading it in Star magazine. Pope Eater said Vienna sold her story to the tabloid for 90 grand before she informed Jake things were over between them.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, no.

[Adam Carolla]

The report is that he was blindsided. He had no idea that she was calling off their three month engagement. He was all very happy.

[Brian Bishop]

I thought those kids were gonna go. Go on forever. I really did.

[Adam Carolla]

Source says that he was devastated, but apparently she was out with some actor.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I broke down that game film yesterday. Yeah, it's basically this. Vienna is young. She's like. She's. That's. That's the chick. She's like 24, right? And she. She wants to have fun. And. And t. Tell me if you can identify here. You chicks give this rap about, I just want a good guy. I want a guy to go on long walks with. I want a guy I can settle down. I want a guy who likes cats. But the reality is at 24, especially if you're a little bit of a bad girl. And I heard she was a little Bit of a bad girl. 24. Way too young for that. That's more 34.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he's the kind, the guy who's gonna cry a lot. You appreciate that in your 30s, a.

[Brian Bishop]

Couple guys need to have maxed out your answer card and giving you herpes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

Before you. Really?

[Adam Carolla]

You are so right.

[Brian Bishop]

You're at 24. Especially if you got a little that bad girl in you. You ain't done being that bad girl. And you're out. And people recognize you and you're getting attention. And this guy's just a lovable schlub.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. You have to learn a lesson in the form of lesions.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

And debt.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes. You should learn your lesion. Hold on. I think Joe Rogan's on the blower. Joe, can you hear me? Yeah, I can hear you. Hey, Joe. What's going on, buddy?

[Teresa Strasser]

What's happening, brother?

[Brian Bishop]

Good to speak to you.

[Teresa Strasser]

You've got this whole thing wired up like a real live radio show now.

[Brian Bishop]

It's insane.

[Teresa Strasser]

Call in the whole deal. This is awesome.

[Brian Bishop]

Joe's playing at the Irvine Improv this weekend, by the way. The 25th through the 27th. Two shows Friday and Saturday night and one on Sunday, which I'm guessing is at 7:00. Yes, Joe?

[Teresa Strasser]

I don't know, to be honest with you.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, neither did I. So I showed up at 8 for my Sunday show, which started at 7.

[Teresa Strasser]

Oopsie.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, so go ahead and check that out.

[Teresa Strasser]

The last time I was at the Irvine Improv was on your show, your live podcast show there. That was fun.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yeah. So what's happening, Joe? What's going on?

[Teresa Strasser]

Just doing a lot of stand up, doing a lot of touring with the ufc, combining the two of them together. That's all I'm doing.

[Brian Bishop]

I was.

[Teresa Strasser]

What's that?

[Brian Bishop]

I was watching the old Ultimate Fighter this season. It was awesome. Really can't get enough of that show. It's just so goddamn compelling. What's coming up in the ufc? Brock Lesnar's getting back in the ring, right? Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

Next weekend, Brock Lesnar fights Shane Carwin, who a lot of people think is, like, his most dangerous opponent. He's another giant wrestler. He's like 280 pounds himself, and he's got, like, vicious knockout power. He's got 12 fights, and every single one is a victory that hasn't made it out of the first round.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Although if there's any sport where you could still tip your cap to a guy who didn't make it out of the first round, it'd Be the ufc, because the rounds are five minutes long, which is eternity when some guy with two ounce gloves is punching at your head.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, those little tiny gloves really hurt.

[Brian Bishop]

Do they, do they think, Joe, has somebody discussed like they do in boxing, you know, know they'll be like, well, the lightweights will use the 8 ounce gloves and the heavyweights might go up to a 10 ounce glove. Has anyone talked about a heavyweight version of that glove? Because a 280 pound guy is a lot of man for almost no glove.

[Teresa Strasser]

That's a really good point, but no, they haven't. You know, I think what people like about this sport is that it's not watered down at all and they think that adding any additional protection. And there's a lot of people that are asking for crazy things like knees on the ground to a downed opponent. You know, they like the old Pride rules where you could soccer kick guys in the head.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Teresa Strasser]

You know, that's pretty, pretty extreme, especially when you're dealing with a cage because, you know, when guys get stuck against the cage, like on the ground, like knee guy in the head, his head can't move anywhere, like literally can't go anywhere.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Teresa Strasser]

That just doesn't seem right to me. At least in Pride they had ropes, so the guy's head could go outside the ropes or something.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, they were just too lazy to put a cage in. But is the ufc? UFC is pretty much the, I mean, it's the biggest game in town now and a lot of the upstart ones have sort of fallen by the wayside. Is that, is that correct?

[Teresa Strasser]

Some of them have, you know, affliction died off, Elite XC died off, the IFL died off. But Strikeforce is still loud and strong. And you know, they're, they're still doing shows on Showtime on a regular basis and occasionally they do them on cbs. The last one on cbs though, ended in a big gang brawl in the middle of the Octagon, which is a problem.

[Brian Bishop]

It is weird when you've just watched nine fights where guys with mohawks and tattoos kick the out of each other for the last three hours. But then when one of the guys from the camp throws a punch at the other guy in after the fight, everyone's disgusted. True. There's no place for this in this sport, really. Isn't it just kind of more of the same, as opposed? Matter of fact, I look at it as a sort of bonus round.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, that's a good way of looking at it. I think a lot of people think it taints the Sport. I think that's because a lot of people are really sensitive about the sport receiving so much scrutiny because people call it barbaric and you know, that it's human cockfighting, all that jazz. So I think people are ultra sensitive about it. I thought it was unfortunate just because it was a dumb thing to see. I thought it was dumb that those guys turned into a brawl like that. But, you know, happens in sports.

[Brian Bishop]

Is it illegal? Happens in boxing all the time. It is illegal now, I guess. Ten years ago, mixed martial arts was not. You couldn't license it. I didn't. I don't think in Los Angeles and in many other cities or a couple of cities, you could. Is it legal everywhere now? Or there's still some cities holding out?

[Teresa Strasser]

Like, there's still cities holding out. There's still states holding out. It states State Athletic commission still can't go to New York. When we go to the east coast, we do fight shows either in New Jersey or in Philadelphia, but the UFC can't get into New York.

[Brian Bishop]

There's still a lot of politics and is it there? Is it a sort of holier than thou attitude over there? Or like, what's the deal?

[Teresa Strasser]

It's a very gray area because you don't really know exactly what's going on behind the scenes and who benefits from it not being there there, or who wants to benefit from it being there and who's jockeying into position to make sure that the deal is just sweet enough for them. But a lot of it involves lobbyists. And the UFC spends a ton of money to get license in various states and various countries. I mean, we do a lot of shows overseas. We go to Germany and we go to the UK several times a year. And it's all about spreading the sport all throughout the world. So they spend a ton of money and and put a ton of effort into getting it licensed. And all these other places, upstart companies like Strikeforce, they kind of come in and ride our wake. And then the places where we get it sanctioned, they come in and put on shows there, which is all good. You know, I mean, it's good to have other companies, but the UFC is really the one that's spreading the most money and trying putting the most effort into getting it licensed everywhere.

[Brian Bishop]

Do you foresee a situation sort of like with the super bowl in the late 60s, where, you know, the champion from Strikeforce goes up against the champion from the ufc, or like the, you know, the WBC and the WBA champion get in on to unify the Belt, is it? I'm sure there's talk of that, but does. Do you. Do you envision that?

[Teresa Strasser]

There's talk of that, but in my opinion, what would have to happen is Strike Force would have to become. Or Dream or some other organization would have to become as successful as the UFC for it to be lucrative. Otherwise, it would be like the UFC is pumping up their brand and pumping up their business and legitimizing them. Right now, the UFC is like, synonymous with MMA to most people. Mixed martial arts. Think mixed martial arts. You think the ufc, like, people call, like, guys who fight into other organizations that get arrested, they call them UFC fighters, you know, and so until that changes, then financially, it doesn't make sense. If there were two UFC's, though, like, Dana White brought Chuck Liddell over to Pride to fight in Pride, you know, back in, you know, the glory days of Pride, when Pride was just as big in Japan as the UFC was in the United States.

[Adam Carolla]

I keep thinking he's talking about that.

[Teresa Strasser]

Was it was beneficial for them to do that back then.

[Brian Bishop]

Teresa wants to know if you're talking about the Gay Pride parade or it's an actual fighting style. And Chuck Liddell, I think he lost a couple weeks ago, right?

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, he. He got knocked out by Rich Franklin.

[Brian Bishop]

He's retiring. Right.

[Teresa Strasser]

He says he's not convinced. He says he wants to sit back and think about it, but he said he thinks he was doing really well until he got overly aggressive and then got caught, you know, And I agree, he did look really good. But, you know, just from my position as a person who appreciates all that he's done and someone who's kind of watched the whole sport for a long time, I think it's very difficult for. For those guys to really decide when it's time to step away, and they don't like to step away with a bad performance, you know, so he's got a few bad performances in a row, so he, you know, it's really difficult for him to move away from it.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, there's this kind of catch 22 where Chuck is probably. I don't know if he's 2 and 4 or 2 and 5. I feel like he's had most of his losses in his last five or six fights, right?

[Teresa Strasser]

He's had quite a few.

[Brian Bishop]

And so either you get set up with a tomato can and go out on top, except for everyone says you fought Hillbilly Jack who was 2 and 19, so no one gives a shit, or they set you up with a tough guy in which case, you might lose your fifth fight in a row, but nobody wants to fucking get go out of there on their keister. And especially a guy like Chuck. One of the things I always talk about with. With the ufc, which is so exciting about it, is is Chuck Liddell one of the biggest names in the sport, or Randy Couture, one of the biggest names in the sport. If those guys were boxers, they'd have less than journeyman esque records. I mean, you know, 14 and 9 or 17 and 11. I mean, like, crazy. Anything can happen at any time to even the guys that are the best.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah. Even at the top level. You know, sometimes doozy get knocked out, out of nowhere, and you don't. You don't see it coming. And it happens so quickly.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Somebody like Chuck Liddell, who's a striker, can get taken down by a grappler.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Although he's been taken down with few strikes lately.

[Adam Carolla]

I remember this from when we interviewed him.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, the thing that's. The thing that's also insane is a guy like an animal, and I mean that as a compliment, like Brock Lesnar. Brock Lesnar has a loss. The guy just submitted him with a. Like an ankle bar or something. It was crazy. There's also a funny picture. Brock should. Has got to be careful. Brock has that huge sword tattooed on his chest.

[Randy]

Yep.

[Brian Bishop]

I saw a picture of him where he was wearing, like, a flash dance type of sweatshirt, where the sleeve where the neck was cut out and the sword was peeking up from underneath. From underneath the thing. And it looked like there was a. That sticking up under his shirt. It really just the top of the.

[Adam Carolla]

Sword, like someone had played a prank on him.

[Brian Bishop]

I wouldn't say anything to him, but it's like he drank too much Jagermeister and passed out in a frat house, and somebody drew a P. Now, when. When the shirt is off, you can see the full sword, but when it's just peeking up over the collar that's been cut out, it's got a little cock on there.

[Teresa Strasser]

Well, not only that, even when you see the full sword, it's still like, what the hell, dude?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

Through that.

[Brian Bishop]

You're right.

[Teresa Strasser]

That doesn't look just like a sword. That's a. That's a, you know, kind of an ambiguous image.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, yeah. But anyway, again, you tell him who drew the cock on your chest.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Joe.

[Teresa Strasser]

I think it's one of those things. Like, I've always wondered whether or not Richard Gere knows about that gerbil rumor.

[Brian Bishop]

He has.

[Teresa Strasser]

You know what I'm saying, I mean, probably the greatest rumor in the history of the world, because even before the Internet, it spread across the entire country. I mean, I grew up in Boston and my friend Eddie grew up in la. We both heard the rumor when we were kids, the rumor that made the whole country. But you wonder, does Richard Gere know it?

[Brian Bishop]

You know the thing that's insane. I want to know that. I want to know the Rod Stewart thing about him having a stomach pumped with all the semen in it.

[Teresa Strasser]

Bowie.

[Brian Bishop]

There's a few of these. And you're right, this is long before the Internet, especially the whole Rod Stewart thing. And when I talked to my friends from Boston and New York and Chicago, they all heard about it about the same time I did. How the hell does that happen?

[Adam Carolla]

Sociologists should really study the spread, the dissemination of that one fact far and wide.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Oh, I did have a. I did have a great. A great moment that you'd appreciate, Joe, because you like action sports. When I was doing a sitcom last year over at cbs, I was hanging around talking to one of the executives, and she was the granddaughter of Danny Thomas. And one. There's one of those urban legend things that Danny used to like to slide under the glass coffee table and have the ladies make the kiki.

[Teresa Strasser]

Really? About Stallone. I did not hear that about Danny Thomas.

[Brian Bishop]

Danny Thomas, Yeah, Danny Thomas. Maybe just because it's so insane into.

[Adam Carolla]

Glass plating, you wouldn't think of it.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, so. But he didn't wear those big, thick glasses. And maybe that was just for protection. I mean, I don't know. But the point is, is we were talking to this young lady and she was talking in very loving terms about Danny Thomas and about how he started St. Jude or City of Hope or whatever it was, and what a great man he was. And it was just a sort of an ass kiss. And at some point, one of the actresses came by and said, what's up? We said, hey, did you know this gal is Danny Thomas's granddaughter? And she just blurted out, what's up with the coffee table? Like, literally, just, this is what I love about chicks. Even when they're not drunk, they can just shout shit out. And then paused and went, oh, my God. Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. I can't believe I said that. Which made it even better. Or worse, depending on what side you were on.

[Adam Carolla]

Did she address Grandpa's proclivity?

[Brian Bishop]

She said. She said, I've heard it a lot. Don't worry. Yes, I know what you're Talking about. So she knew very well about her grandfather shitting on glass coffee tables. Or at least as legend would have it.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, Richard Gere doesn't talk to anybody, never does any interviews. Right.

[Teresa Strasser]

What I heard, and this is totally going off of Internet talk and you know, rumor and conversation was that Richard Gere was originally a part of Scientology and that he broke away. And when he broke away, that's when this crazy rumor got spread that they did it to attack him.

[Brian Bishop]

You know, it is funny what we've turned into because when I was a kid I used to watch these commercials when I'd cut school. Like time life brings you the best of the old west. And they do these things, you know, they say Doc Holliday was so mean, he shot a man once for snoring. That was like the old one. Now it's like he put a declawed gerbil up his ass and on a coffee table. Yeah. And got smoke drunk and had to have a stomach pump because it's too much. Rhino Chiz, like what are the books gonna be like an authentic hand tooled leather. Learn about the, you know, 1980 in 2010, what the is that gonna be like? And what happened to just rumors where it's like, you know, he took an arrow and split another arrow or shot an apple off a guy's head or something like that. It's all got to do with putting shit up your ass. Now what have we turned into? Can you imagine that? Oh yeah, Annie Oakley took on five black dudes once in a bukkake type thing. Oh yeah. Awesome.

[Teresa Strasser]

That is one of the clearest signs of where our society's headed is the trend in pornography. The trends and how fucking twisted things have gotten and how commonplace it is. Like, you know, a long time ago it was really difficult to find any really crazy fucked up porn. I mean, you find 80s porn, it was just a bunch of ridiculous scenarios where people started having sex. The other day this guy sends me a link on Twitter. He goes, hey, is this guy doing a triangle the right way? So I bite, I click on the link and the link opens up to a photo on ghetto gaggers.com where this really scrawny white guy with black socks and black sneakers getting this ghetto black chick who, you know, obviously desperately needed the money to be able to do this. He gets her in a no arm triangle. So he's triangling her head while his dick is in her mouth and she's throwing up on his ball.

[Warren Cromartie]

One click away.

[Teresa Strasser]

This guy sends me this link I click it. Bam. And I was totally nonplussed. I was like, ah, you got me a fuck. But, you know, this is a ridiculously fucked up image and it's just a normal thing.

[Brian Bishop]

The worst part is when a guy sends you the link and the fucking caption is, I thought, you dig this. And it's a, you know, it's a, it's a beheaded horse that's being, you know, raped with a spade shovel and the guy's got a duct tape to his cock and you're like, you thought I would enjoy this, right?

[Adam Carolla]

It makes Rick rolling seem so innocent.

[Brian Bishop]

How fucked up can I be? Like, really? You thought I could beat off to this? This is my thing.

[Adam Carolla]

You were the first person I thought of when I saw these people.

[Teresa Strasser]

And these ideas, have they always been out there? We just didn't have access to them? Or is this incredible access to information that the Internet provides, is it making more of that shit?

[Brian Bishop]

I think I have this theory that. Well, first off, you know, I was really just thinking about it the other day and Joe, you as a, as a student of society, you probably notice this a lot as well. We were in Salt Lake City. I was in Salt Lake City, Utah over the weekend and I just, I took a stroll at a certain point about midday and just walked through the town and it was quiet and serene and beautiful. And then I thought, why am I not depressed? Because usually when I walk through LA or drive through la, I get depressed. And then I realize every billboard is a guy holding a sawed off shotgun in a video game at some other guy's head, or worse yet, at you. There's a very popular video game right now where the billboard's up 60ft in the air and the guy's holding a sawed off shotgun down. And it's basically you're just driving your car under a gang banger who's holding or an old west guy who's don't own the sawed off shotgun, but every energy drink is some muscle, muscle head yelling, you better get some. You know, can you want to throw down or you pussy, are you man enough? And it's like, it's kind of depressing. All these images of people holding shotguns and scary guys yelling at you. And I thought, I think it's taking its toll. Like, I think people are getting numb and so we don't know we're live unless there's some muscle head, like screaming, you want some? You come get some. And then it's bled into the porn too. Like everything's really aggressive and angry.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, it's.

[Brian Bishop]

It's no longer. It's like sports. It's like a guy can't go in for a layup anymore. He's got to dunk a basketball, and he's got to dunk it on another guy, and then he's got to go in your face.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, Adam, you're talking to a guy who I think used to go in deprivation tanks and then moved out of la. But then I think, what, your dog was eating or something, so you had to move back?

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, I had to move back. My dog got eaten by a mountain lion. I have a theory about. That's one of the reasons why I decided to move to Colorado in the mountains in the first place, is I think that there's too many people in LA and too many people in a lot of big cities. And if you look at, like, rat population density studies that they've done where they've gotten a bunch of rats together, they start acting crazy. When there's too many rats, they start, like, shaking in the corner and they get aggressive to each other. I think the same thing is happening with people. That's what I think. I think it's a just. And the Internet sort of exacerbates it because you have much more contact, you know, you live in an overpopulated place in the beginning, you know. You know, at first. And then on top of that, you're also getting all this information from the Internet and just. I think it's making people numb to each other.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, think about the information. Yeah. Not only on the Internet, but can you go more than 10ft without being hit by some piece of information? Whether it's an advertisement of some sort, either it's audio or visual, wherever you go, wherever. I mean, think about just advertising. Advertising used to be on billboards, and that was about it. And you'd hear a radio commercial, then it got to blimps, then it got to the side of buses, and now people are just papering their cars. They're papering. And any. Anything that's. I mean, anything that'll hold down, that'll hold still for more than five minutes. Sides of buildings.

[Adam Carolla]

What about the backs ofboxers?

[Brian Bishop]

Golden palace dot com. I mean, it's literally everywhere. Everything is being hit. And whether you like it or not, you're forced to process it.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yep.

[Brian Bishop]

You have to. You can't tell your mind. Don't process that. Unless you're my nanny. Old gum. Which case I can bring up anything to her. And she says, nah, I Don't know what you're talking about. I think. You lucky bitch. Oh. Must be awesome to be that dumb.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

The.

[Teresa Strasser]

The break from information that I got from living in the mountains. I really, really appreciate it. I really like just being out there in the woods.

[Brian Bishop]

But your dog got eaten by mountain lion.

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah, my dog. My wife got pregnant. That was.

[Brian Bishop]

That was same mountain lion?

[Teresa Strasser]

No, we don't know yet.

[Adam Carolla]

You want to wait? Is your wife still pregnant?

[Teresa Strasser]

She know we have a baby now. She gave birth a month ago.

[Adam Carolla]

Congratulations.

[Teresa Strasser]

Thank you very much.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Awesome.

[Teresa Strasser]

Baby deuce. So the. The situation was we were at 8,500ft above sea level, which is really thin air.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

And if you're not acclimated to that, which take really literally takes like years to be 100% acclimated. It's really dangerous for a woman to be, you know, to give birth up there or to have, you know, be pregnant up there. There's not enough oxygen. So she was really sick. It was like she had the flu. You know, her morning sickness was horrendous. So we. We had to get out of there because of that. And then when the dog got eaten by the mountain lion, like, that was it. She was freaked out. And it was. It was. We were just living too deep in the woods.

[Brian Bishop]

Did the dog. Wow, man. Going full Jeremiah Johnson.

[Warren Cromartie]

Yeah.

[Teresa Strasser]

I saw the mountain lines. We were totally out there. I had a generator. I was getting well water, the whole deal. There's part of me that thinks that society, like, is like a game of musical chairs and one day, like, it's going to shut off.

[Brian Bishop]

You do kind of wonder if it's going to happen on your watch. And I do. It's a weird. It's weird because it's a little paranoia meets narcissism, and it's the same thing the religious fanatics have with the second coming. But this is not that. This is the atheist version of that, which is it's not going to be the Rapture. It's going to be the Russians, but either way, it'll be the end of days.

[Teresa Strasser]

Well, I don't know if it'll be the Russians or. I don't know if it'll be actually an attack on society or if it'll be some sort of a natural situation. But, you know, when you pay attention to all the different stuff that's happened to this planet over the. Just what we understand, you know, over the, you know, the past few thousand years, there's been some pretty gigantic events that have happened, you know, with this planet, you know, that we know about, but the ones that happened before that, I mean, there's. There's some giant meteor impacts that they're just discovering. One of them is the Holocene crater that's like. It's about 5,000 years old. It's a gigantic crater that. It's some sort of a massive impact that must have wiped out a substantial portion of the population back then. We just have no records of it because, you know, five, 6,000 years ago, whenever this happened, you know, it was very primitive. You know, the people that were living back then were writing things down on clay tablets.

[Brian Bishop]

Wider, they say, than Richard Gere's anus. All right, Joe Rogan again. Going to be the Irvine Improv this weekend, the 25th through the 27th. Two shows Friday and Saturday night, one show Sunday. Joe, come down and see us, and we'll talk again soon. Definitely.

[Teresa Strasser]

I would love to, man.

[Brian Bishop]

Thanks, Joe.

[Teresa Strasser]

Thank you, brother.

[Brian Bishop]

Take care. Good man. Joe Rogan. All right, now, let's see. We have. See, we have our guests here also. They want to do one more story. We also got who the F cells this s. Maybe we can do that with our guests. Do one more. You want to do one more news? Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

Just to finish off, because, you know, it's important that I tell both sides of the story, otherwise I wouldn't be a legitimate journalist.

[Brian Bishop]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

Vienna does have a side. She's saying that she and Jake have not been intimate in four months. His first excuse was that he was fasting. The second excuse was that he didn't feel like it. And the third excuses.

[Brian Bishop]

Wait a minute. Fasting?

[Adam Carolla]

Fasting, I guess, you know, didn't have the energy to.

[Brian Bishop]

I think. I think they were talking about, like, a religious fast or something or some. Some version of that. Quiet, Dawson. Some religious version or something. At least that's what I heard. Yeah. And maybe there's a. Before we get married.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, there's that. Well, he wanted to wait before they got married, even though she said she'd support him. I don't know what that means. Means then she said the last excuse was that we fight so much that I push him away. Anyway, I just want to give her side before moving on.

[Brian Bishop]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. Last story before we meet our guests. It's unveiling a new news feature. Very, very exciting. Brian.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah? Wake up. Got a frown. All right. Oh, he's smiling. Today in bestiality. Yeah. Teresa Strasser was pulled into our program director's office and told not to do any more bestiality. Stories on terrestrial radio. So she decided, well, let's really double down on them when we're doing the podcast.

[Adam Carolla]

It hasn't gotten old to me yet. Perhaps it will. But now that Dawson and Lynch have taken the trouble to build that intro, I owe it to them to keep finding these. And by the way, our listeners are kind enough to send me links and help me to find these. This one is one of the.

[Brian Bishop]

Can I say this just quickly for those of you who are super uptight about this? I just ate half a cow in the next room, okay. We slaughter millions and millions of chickens and cows, and we have catfish farms, and we basically slaughter millions of animals. Animals are run over on a daily basis. Joe Rogan just has goddamn dog eaten by mountain lion and his wife was impregnated by bear. The point is this. If we were talking about, you know, Japanese child prodigies here, I'd be fine. You know, you should be upset over that.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

Because we don't have. Have. You know, we already have fucking puppy mills and farms and blah, blah, blah. So the idea that their dogs. I mean, fucking Michael Vick fighting his dogs and all these horrible shit. You see these hobos dragging their dogs around and just, Just, just imagine being a dog in Tijuana or a cat, and the idea that one gets sucked off by his dog or something while not appetizing, considering we slaughter millions of animals.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And then cook them and eat them.

[Brian Bishop]

Cook them and eat them. Them. That would be the ultimate offense. As a matter of fact, if you. If you. If I had a wish for my kids or even myself or my dog, Molly, I would hope that someone fucked them before they stewed them and covered them with barbecue sauce.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And by the way, it's not like they're killed in a humane way.

[Brian Bishop]

No. Fucked to death by farmers.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

Thank you. Which.

[Adam Carolla]

Which brings me to Neil Horsley. Yes, that's his name.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Neil Horsley.

[Adam Carolla]

Neil Horsley. He is running for governor under his creator's rights party.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, no.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like a sort of secessionist light.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Therefore, a nullification platform.

[Brian Bishop]

There is an underground space that's filled with canned goods somewhere on his property.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, he has a little. He had some skeletons in his closet.

[Brian Bishop]

Mm.

[Adam Carolla]

And they came out. Yeah. He did an interview with Alan Combs, by the way. This is a story from the Underground Examiner.

[Brian Bishop]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

He did an interview about his past. This is a conversation between Neil Horsley and Alan Combs. Neil, he's asked about an incident with a Mule that had come out. Neil says, absolutely, I was a fool. When you grow up on a farm in Georgia, your first girlfriend is a mule. Alan Combs. I'm not so sure that that is so.

[Brian Bishop]

Then he called Obama a pussy or horsely.

[Adam Carolla]

You didn't grow up on a farm in Georgia, did you, Combs? Are you suggesting that everybody who grows up on a farm in Georgia has a mule as a girlfriend? Horsely. It has historically been the case. You people are so far removed from reality. Welcome to domestic life on the farms.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Then Combs tried to say, well, I bet there are a lot of people in the audience that grew up on a farm and didn't have sex with a mule.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, man. Better or worse than the response Mackenzie Phillips got when she did Oprah and said, I'm talking about this for all the people that are currently having adult consensual sexual relations with their dad. Huh?

[Adam Carolla]

Right. It's hard for people to.

[Brian Bishop]

No, no. Not even the husky chick one? No. Lesbian. Oh, my bad.

[Adam Carolla]

He said, you experiment with anything that moves when you're growing up sexually. You're naive. You know better than that. If it's warm and it's damp and it vibrates, you might in fact have sex with it.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So this guy who wrote, who wrote this piece on Underground Examiner, Dylan Otto Kreider, tracked this guy down and obviously he had to ask the mule question. You can't not ask horsely about his youth.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, mules, sure.

[Adam Carolla]

So they discussed it.

[Brian Bishop]

World's worst Disney movie. Just have him kick field goals, for Christ's sake. And this guy, gubernatorial candidate, this guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Asked him about the mule and then said, a small mule? No, a full grown mule. She loved me, though. THEY both laugh like now they're just laughing about it. But then he went on to say, all I had to do was give her an ear of corn. She was a prostitute mule.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Then the reporter asked a hard hitting question. How did you reach? I don't know. I stood on something. The kicker is, as soon as I was done, she pissed all over me. It was embarrassing. I never told anyone that before.

[Brian Bishop]

Slow down. I got beat off. All right, but okay if you're Mule Theresa. Yeah, get by. Some 14 year old with a small that you pray. It's basically that's like ringing a bell. I mean, there's nothing down there. Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Brian Bishop]

Or pack some fat schlub on your back and go down to the bottom of the Grand Canyon.

[Adam Carolla]

Back up again, once over it quickly.

[Brian Bishop]

Or, or, or, you know, have a or. Or get 39 of you and another. Wait a minute, get 50. 40 acres. Yeah, 40 acres. And one of you to work that whole 40 acres of acreage. Yeah. Yeah. That would suck, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And now, as if the mule wasn't enough, he also said, I've screwed a watermelon. And that's just for starters. He had sex with just about everything it's physically possible to have sex with and some that it isn't. How many times have I masturbated in my life? He asks, now that he's 65 and orgasm free for two years. The bottom line is I never treated it as if it were not a sin. He's now a Christian.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, I.

[Adam Carolla]

So he's seen the error of his ways. But I guess he had sex with a watermelon. And also, by the way, when he was in the Air Force, he had sex with men. He says it was gross.

[Brian Bishop]

Let me say this. He should not do any more public speaking because, you know, there's a lot.

[Adam Carolla]

Of that stuff where Bragman could have gotten a hold of him.

[Brian Bishop]

And yeah, Bragman and Nyman and Caf Rally should have got hold of this cat and probably done one of those media training sessions they did with me where they said, look, you know, if you're going to go over to the junior high, you know, let's send the ex junkie or the ex gang banger over there so he can do that thing where he goes, listen, gangs are dead end street. I know. I spent 12 years in federal prison because of my involvement, involvement with the Bloods in 1974 through 1986. And I. Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh. You know what I mean, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Glamorous.

[Brian Bishop]

Hey, kids, don't any mules. What the hell's buzzing?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know.

[Brian Bishop]

Phone. What the hell is that? All right. Anyway, should we bring in our guests?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, let's wrap up this portion of the news.

[Brian Bishop]

More of Teresa's news coming up. If you don't listen, you're an anti Semite. Matthew Asner and Danny Gold, by the way, these guys are director and producer, I believe. No, both directors. Oh, both directors did it together.

[Larry Miller]

Good to see you.

[Brian Bishop]

Hi, how are you? How are you doing, Matt? Good. Have a seat. Thank you. Good to see you.

[Adam Carolla]

Hi, nice to meet you.

[Brian Bishop]

Nice to meet you.

[Joe Rogan]

My wife's a huge fan of you guys.

[Brian Bishop]

Really huge. The season of the Samurai is where you go see the samurai dot com. It's going to premiere on the MLB Network. That is June 26th at 4:00. True story. It's a documentary and it sounds interesting and. Tell us about it. Well, it's about a. It's the first time an all Japanese team played in a baseball team. Played in an independent league. Here, you take these and try your headphones on. Yeah. And under the managership.

[Joe Rogan]

I think those are yours.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, we have one set of cans.

[Brian Bishop]

You guys sign language for me. This never comes up. Yeah, there we go. No way Donnie could have anticipated this. It's impossible to get discussed on a daily basis. Must be nice to have every day be brand new. Hey, you know, it's a podcast, man. It's a podcast. Well, I just got unplugged, but, you know, we don't need our headphones for this. I'm just weird because there's going to be a phone call. Didn't do the math on this. Oh, we're getting a phone call. Yeah. We got two people for you. Oh, we got the manager, Warren Cromarty of the Samurai Bears. Long time listener, you know. You know Cromarti played for the Expos, didn't he? Yes, he did. Jesus, I remember that afro. Yeah, he had a crazy afro, I think. Had a crazy afro. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

He was the coach of this all Japanese team playing in the Miners here.

[Brian Bishop]

In the United States. Exactly. Were we not? Do we not know about the guests? No, no. We like to surprise people. We do that all the time. You know, we just come in and. And. All right, Donnie, someone's going. Listen, someone's going without a headphone or I'll hold the thing out or something. Without a headphone. All right, thank you. All right, but. What? I don't even hear anything anyway. I'm fine. Are you good? Sorry. Sorry to be so difficult. No, listen, I'm a dick. That's really the problems. I care too much. All right, so. So tell us the story. I'm sorry. Okay. The distraction. So there was this all Japanese baseball team, first time they ever played in. Hold on. Now I have to fix your headphones. It's driving me nuts, these things. Everyone wears them like this, which is a really fucked up design because they're meant to go like that. Got it. There you go. Okay. All right. Sorry. There we go. There you go. You know, you look a lot better right now. Do I think. Yes. An all Japanese baseball team. Yes. That played in America. They were a road team, so they.

[Larry Miller]

Didn'T have a home.

[Brian Bishop]

They played part of the. They played in the Golden Baseball League, which is an independent league. One of the part owners Was Pat Sajak of the Golden Baseball League. Sure. When you think Pat Sajak, Jack, you think Japanese baseball. Absolutely. It's like one in the same.

[Joe Rogan]

James Denton owns a team.

[Brian Bishop]

When you think Japanese baseball, you think a guy from desperate household. That's right. So they played in this league and they played like 90. 90 games in 95 days. Wow. And they had no home, so they had to go from Chico to Long beach to Yuma, Arizona to Surprise to Fullerton and like. What year are we talking about? About four years ago. Four years ago? Yeah. And they called one of the hotels, was the hotel in Long beach they called the Love Hotel because that's what was happening there. Well, they paid by the hour and so they got sick of the American food. So they had their own rice cookers and woks and in these little motels they made these amazing feasts and we partook. It was incredible. In the bathroom they cooked. I thought a walk was more China. Chinese just as Japanese. Well, there's Chinese. Well, you know, they were very diverse. You know, they were very open to different eastern and. And. And then they all died in a plane crash. No, they.

[Adam Carolla]

A Uruguay.

[Brian Bishop]

That was a soccer team. Yeah, it was a soccer team. And they had to eat each other. Yeah. No, they. They played the whole season and then the league decided, you know, they had too much fun and that was enough. Enough. Well, who were they playing? Playing all independent AAA teams or what would they. Physically. What would they be designated as? I would say they were between Double A and aaa. But then they had pro players that played in the league. Also. Ricky Henderson played for San Diego. They played against Ricky. There was that pitcher, I can't remember what his name was. John Abbott. That's it.

[Larry Miller]

And they played.

[Brian Bishop]

He was there at the guy with one arm. No, that was Jim. That was Jim Abbott. Jim Abbott. Oh, this another rabbit. Yeah. Well, Abbott is still the guy with one arm. Right, But a different guy. Exactly. It was his ugly brother, though. Yeah. He should chop off his bad arm so he could get a gig and pass himself off as the Abbot. You know what I mean? Exactly. That's played in the show. Ricky Henderson. Yeah, Ricky Anderson. He's older than Ike Turner. He is. I'll tell you something.

[Joe Rogan]

The weirdest thing about the.

[Brian Bishop]

With Ricky Henderson is when we.

[Joe Rogan]

The day we shot with Ricky Turkey, we were.

[Brian Bishop]

We were. We were down in San Diego and there was an eating contest that happened before the game. And these people, you know, got together and they ate grilled cheese non stop. Like just.

[Joe Rogan]

And the black widow Was down there.

[Brian Bishop]

Pool flyer. Yeah. No theater.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, she would beat or she would compete against that Japanese.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, let me just say this. There's a black widow, professional female pool player too, who's Asian and kind of hot. Maybe Asian, too. Yeah, yeah. Let me just say this, but you call every chick who participates in a man's sport the black widow. It's confusing. But she made it a woman's sport because she's like Mike Tyson. Like nine of them. It'd be confusing. She, she was. I mean, she ate that grilled cheese very, very well. Black widow of craft.

[Adam Carolla]

She wouldn't.

[Brian Bishop]

She.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, she would play Kobayashi or compete against him in the hot dog.

[Brian Bishop]

That's exactly. Could she beat Kobayashi in a hot dog eating contest? She did. I think she. I would argue a woman has an advantage in a hot dog eating contest. Years of blowing guys, I never. You never know, I think about it, I would go with that. Yeah. All right, so she's a black widow. And Ricky. So Ricky partook a little in that he enjoyed watching it. Watching. Sorry. Well, listen, whenever hot Japanese chicks stuff their face, it's kind of exciting. I gotta, I gotta be honest with you. But wait, there's.

[Joe Rogan]

She is.

[Brian Bishop]

Does everyone know the black widow pool hustler chick I'm talking about? All right, Brian knows. So at least I'm not insane. That is definitely her.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, is there one in poker?

[Brian Bishop]

There's a poker one too. Yeah. Anytime an Asian chick does something outside the house, she's called the black widow. There's a theme here. There's one that goes to the Costco every Wednesday over here in Glendale. Exactly. I think Warren Cromartie is on the blower. All right. I love that name, by the way. And Blair. Sly.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, he was the interpreter.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Oh, hey, Warren and Blair.

[Randy]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Randy]

Adam, is that you?

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, it is.

[Randy]

Holy. Holy, man. I, I, I, I didn't know I had to come to this. Finally, we get a chance to meet. Is Blair on the other line there?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Warren Cromartie]

What's up? Crow.

[Brian Bishop]

Blair Crow is Warren Cromartie. I'm just gonna go through your career and I'm gonna be all right. Wrong, because I'm. I'm just. I was young and I'm gonna guess. But here's the thing. Played from the middish 70s into the 80s, huge afro. Played for the Expos and played the left field. No. What the hell Position. All Star Golden Gloves. All right, what'd I get wrong?

[Randy]

It was a. It was a left field in first base, you know, We. I won the pitch. We won the pin. In 81, I played first base.

[Brian Bishop]

What were your years? In the. In the Show?

[Randy]

The Show. Actually, I got called at my first year in Pro ball in 74.

[Brian Bishop]

What would I say, 75. Yeah, well, actually.

[Randy]

Actually for one month in 74. But then again full time in 77. With Dawson and Carter and.

[Brian Bishop]

Sure. The Hawk. Yeah, yeah. And then how many years did you play professional baseball?

[Randy]

About 17, 18 years.

[Brian Bishop]

Jesus Christ. All right. You know Expos, huge fro left field. A year or two off when he got called the show for. Just off the cuff for a guy who doesn't fall in baseball.

[Adam Carolla]

Curious if Crow speaks any Japanese himself.

[Randy]

Say that again. I had a little squelch in the back there. Who the hell is that?

[Brian Bishop]

That's Teresa Strasser.

[Randy]

Speak up, darling. I can't hear you.

[Brian Bishop]

Do you speak any Japanese?

[Randy]

Yeah, I speak some Japanese.

[Brian Bishop]

He just called you a Teresa.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I heard.

[Brian Bishop]

And a whore.

[Adam Carolla]

That doesn't speak up.

[Brian Bishop]

What's your story? Where did you grow. Where'd you grow up?

[Randy]

Miami, Florida. Down here in Liberty City, we call it. Down here. Pretty close to South Beach.

[Brian Bishop]

So was Montreal quite a culture shock for you back in the day?

[Randy]

I think. I think a little bit, but more so that playing in Japan was more of a culture shock. When I went to Tokyo.

[Brian Bishop]

How many years did you play in Tokyo?

[Randy]

Seven years.

[Brian Bishop]

So you had. You had like 10 years with the Expos and seven years with the Giants or whoever.

[Randy]

Right. Then I got one more year in with the Kansas city royals in 19.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow. Who'd you play with in Japan?

[Randy]

I guess Reggie Smith. Remember Reggie Smith from the Boston Red Sox?

[Brian Bishop]

Dodgers, sure. Reggie Smith. Another huge Afro.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Kind of looked like Isaac from the Love Boat. He did.

[Randy]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, he does.

[Randy]

Except he's a little taller. Isaac was a. Yeah, well, don't say.

[Brian Bishop]

That in front of Isaac. It pisses him off. I tell him he looks just like Reggie Smith.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's Isaac, too.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, that's Isaac Hayes. By the way, Warren was the. Was the first American player to really make a huge mark in Japan. Yeah, yeah, I know. I saw that movie about you starring Tom Selleck.

[Randy]

Well, I. I can tell you something about them with Tom Selleck.

[Brian Bishop]

Unfair. Wouldn't let a brother play that part. Denzel could have played that part. Well, you know what?

[Randy]

You know what, Adam? I did kind of read. I read for it, but they changed a couple producers a couple two or three times because it couldn't find. Had a hard Time finding Japanese who spoke English and Japanese at the same.

[Brian Bishop]

You know, how was it? I mean, how was it? I mean, boy, you want to talk about a brother from Florida first heading off to Canada for 10 years and then going to Japan. Jesus Christ. It's like they're fucking with you. But was it cool being the odd man out or did it suck?

[Randy]

No, man. I mean, I've been on a lot of teams playing, and times I was only black on the ball club and I played a lot of Spanish teams, redneck teams I played on, you know, I've been all over, man. So being able to jump right in there and do what they do, I think was a big key for me. Learning that they do. You know what I'm saying?

[Brian Bishop]

Tell me if I'm wrong, but Japanese people are enthralled by black people. Am I making that up or do they look at them as.

[Randy]

I think, well, some of it is true, but more so the women, they love black men.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, when you lived over there, were you single?

[Randy]

Yeah. Yes, I was, like every night.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Wow. Can give me a wig and some shoe.

[Randy]

Very loyal, Adam. They're very loyal.

[Brian Bishop]

They're very loyal. You know, it goes on the road, sure, but you're on the road for seven years, non stop, actually. That's your home. Exactly. Wow. So they were intrigued by the brothers.

[Randy]

That's a long way to Schlep. 8,000 miles. A long way to schlep across, to get on, to get a little bit. You know what I'm saying?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. But, man, that must have been great. So it's like, here you are, this like, tall, viral, big man in this sea of small penises, and you're just.

[Adam Carolla]

Mopping up the town and he's a professional athlete.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, man, what a time. What a time it was.

[Randy]

It was different there because I couldn't go anywhere in that city, in that country for a while. I couldn't. I used to go to the movies, man. I used to wait till everybody goes to the movies, sit in the back of the movie so I can don't have to get bothered and be the first one out the movies.

[Brian Bishop]

Sure.

[Randy]

It was pretty hectic over there after they got to know me because I played for the Tokyo Giants, man. We were on TV every night.

[Brian Bishop]

You played for the Giants? I called that too, by the way. I'm just. I said, you played for the Giants? At a certain point. Point being, that was the only Japanese franchise I could think of. So I. I think I've called Warren's. I'm about 95% with Warren's career here. Yeah. Yeah. Let's see how you do with Blair. Uh. Oh, Blair, what's your story?

[Randy]

Yeah, man, I just kind of stumbled into this, you know, Blair.

[Brian Bishop]

Sly. Yeah, I'll do some guessing on Blair's career. Put on. Put on the T. Detention, and as put on academic probation at a junior college for smoking too much weed in 1986. Huh, Blair? Am I right?

[Randy]

I just, like, went to college. I stumbled. The Spanish classes were full, and so I just said, what the hell? I stumbled into Japanese.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow. But that's like saying the basic math classes were full, so I stumbled into advanced calculus. Like, why would you do that? Great story. What college did you go to, Blair?

[Randy]

I went to Middlebury College in Vermont.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, it's an excellent school.

[Brian Bishop]

And. And now, did you play baseball as well?

[Randy]

No, no, I don't know anything about baseball. I made that clear from day one, too.

[Brian Bishop]

And you were the interpreter for all the guys in the movie and Warren, who was the manager. Right. Is that true? Yeah.

[Randy]

Yeah, mostly for Crow. Sort of between Crow and the players and Crow and the coaches. You know, there are a couple players who spoke some English and sort of played ball here in the States beforehand or, you know, were just pretty good at English or lived here for a while, but I guess the majority, you know, just didn't really speak much English at all.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, Warren, how much actual conversation do you need to have? First off, you can communicate sort of through signals. Although I guess someone's got to tell them the belt buckle means punt, although I feel that's universal. And then when you throw your hat on the ground and throw your chewing tobacco at the back of a guy's head, he pretty much understands that swinging on a three no pitch was not a good plan. Right? Yeah. Yeah.

[Randy]

You know.

[Brian Bishop]

You know, Blair.

[Randy]

Blair was a big help at the beginning because he had different type of personalities. And, you know, baseball is the same all over the world, you know, so if you can just get the basics down. But I had a real shitty team, man.

[Brian Bishop]

They were.

[Randy]

They were horseshit, you know?

[Brian Bishop]

Sure. Yeah.

[Randy]

They were real. And actually, hold on, Blair, how would.

[Brian Bishop]

Blair, how would you explain to the team that Cromartie just said, you guys are horseshit. You're a really shitty team? What'd that sound like, Blair?

[Randy]

Yeah, well, you know, that came up. I mean, that came up a couple times.

[Brian Bishop]

You know, tell it to us. Let's pretend we're the team. Well, there was.

[Randy]

I remember a particular situation.

[Warren Cromartie]

We were.

[Randy]

We were In Mesa, you know, and there's this one guy, Kawakami, who was. Who was going up to pinch hit, and Crow was like, you know, it's like a tight game. It was like the seventh inning or something. And Crow was like, hey, Kawakami, if you don't get a hit, I'm going to send your ass back to Japan. And Kawakami looks at me and he's like, in Japanese, like, oh, what do you say? I was like, don't worry about it.

[Warren Cromartie]

Don't worry about it.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, that's worse. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

When the translator won't even tell you, but it seems like a very intimate position because they're depending on you for everything.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, Blair, how many. How many guys did you fire, Blair?

[Randy]

Over the course, I probably fired 10 guys. You know, let me say this.

[Warren Cromartie]

Crow.

[Randy]

Crow would be like, okay, we need to let this guy go. Blair to Ken, care of it, you know? And so who was actually breaking the news to them? With me most of the time.

[Brian Bishop]

Right? Yeah. I remember when I was working as a Japanese interpreter, that was the part of the job I could never get used to. Never got used to it. So, Blair, just before we let you go, how about you just tell us in Japanese? Do the. You know, Warren Cromartie said you guys are horseshit and that, you know, you don't deserve to strap on the cleats. And by the way, I'm sure I Many of your mothers, when I was in Tokyo all those years.

[Randy]

I love.

[Brian Bishop]

The fact that everybody speaks Japanese acts like they're doing an announcer voice in a game show. What is that? Does anyone mumble?

[Randy]

Adam, check this out. One. We had a. We had had a ball player who was a pitcher who was pretty much upset with himself, and we had this real asshole umpire that for some reason or another, that our pitcher would get mad at himself and start talking out and cussing at himself in Japanese. Well, this umpire all of a sudden thought he can speak freaking Japanese, and he threw him out of the game.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow. So. So even though it was. He was being told to off in Japanese, he's still. But it's universal if a guy's kicking dirt and spitting.

[Randy]

Well, he was speaking Japanese, and I'm probably had a freaking clue about it. But somehow another. He took it upon himself to throw him out of the game. And then I went out of the game.

[Brian Bishop]

Now what? By the way, Warren, what city are you living in now where there's no other black people? Orange County.

[Randy]

Where are you? Florida.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, okay. So you're back to Florida. All right. Yeah. Keep the streak alive, Crow. I think he was speaking Spanish. Yeah, it was Hideki, didn't he. He thought he was, you know, black and Mexican.

[Randy]

Yeah, well, you know, he has some identity problems on that ball club. We have one Japanese that spoke. He didn't want to speak any Japanese. He wanted to speak English. He was really Americanized and one of my. One of my best pitchers.

[Brian Bishop]

So, Warren, we're going to let you go because we got to hop on the phones and do something. Blair, we're going to let you go as well. Thank you guys for calling in. And Blair, you stay home. But, Warren, next time you're out in SoCal, come on, and I'll heap a little more praise on you.

[Randy]

Ah, you can count on it.

[Brian Bishop]

You just open.

[Randy]

You just open the door there. I'll be there, big guy. Look forward to it.

[Brian Bishop]

Thanks, Warren Cromartie and Blair Sly. Thank you guys for calling in.

[Adam Carolla]

I can see how Warren can charm the kimono off a lot of women.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it's starting to get a little too much messing halfway into.

[Adam Carolla]

I know.

[Brian Bishop]

Gravely voice. It has. So let's see. What do you guys want to do? Should we do a little. Who the s sells this? F. Wait a minute. Who the f cells this s. Yeah, we.

[Adam Carolla]

We actually can. Can swear we don't say who the sells this. Yeah, this is.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. You want to try that out? Sure. All right. You're not trolling for prostitutes on Craigslist. You'll notice some crazy stuff for sale. Knife block, perfect condition, but no knife. $1, cash only. So it's time to answer the question. Who the sells this? Yeah, this basically was born from, you know, checking out Craigslist and seeing, like, slightly used hamper, missing lid, 28 cents. And you're like, what? And by this day and age of the Costco and, you know, being going down to the 99 cent store, just getting shit new. It's not kind of like, you know, back in the day my cheap fuck parents would go buy, you know, mugs with the handles broken off and shit like that. But in this day and age, selling stuff for under a dollar online or in the Penny Saver, who does this? Like, who are these people? And I just thought, I want to do it. We're producers.

[Larry Miller]

We'll do that too.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, we actually do that. Those are our ads. Oh, really? Yeah. You're shameless. You're selling. By the way, someone is selling a chic and trendy fashion headbands. Let me see. Well, you can get a half dozen for $9.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

Or you can get one dozen for $12. They're very chic, and they're very trendy. There's a. There's a book by Rue McClanahan.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my first worth worth more now.

[Brian Bishop]

It's called My First Five Husband. It's a very funny book.

[Adam Carolla]

Paperback or hardcover?

[Brian Bishop]

Hardcover. It's mentioned here. It's in great condition. By the way, there's this one selling baby food. Gerber Meats, by the way. Strained peas, bad enough, but meat, bottle of meat for your kid. Hey, Junior, guess what? I got you a nice bottle of meat from the Internet.

[Adam Carolla]

What's that going for?

[Brian Bishop]

$1. 2.5, West Covina.

[Adam Carolla]

So I've got a range a meeting in West Covina to pick up this. Well, decided I need to see it first, and then I decide if I want to buy this.

[Brian Bishop]

That's the whole thing. Are you supposed to drive out to West Covina with a dollar? And by the way, it says a dollar. I bet you can get them down to 75 cents.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, you didn't want to say.

[Brian Bishop]

Get Jew, thank you, and meet them at a park. I mean, what do you do, Go to their apartment? And then if you're this person just handing your address out to people, if.

[Adam Carolla]

You drive all the way there and it's not the baby food you wanted.

[Brian Bishop]

And you're not exactly getting Richard Branson at your doorstep, either. People are trying to buy baby food for a dollar on the Internet. Is that the kind of cat you want to give your address to?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, can we talk to the guy who's selling Rue's book?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, Rue McClanahan. Now, Rue's the one had passed, what, two weeks ago, I believe. Hello? Well, let me see who this is.

[Adam Carolla]

Randy.

[Brian Bishop]

Randy.

[Randy]

Yes, I'm here.

[Teresa Strasser]

Here?

[Brian Bishop]

You're selling Rue McClanahan's book?

[Randy]

Yes, I am.

[Brian Bishop]

And you live in Hollywood?

[Randy]

Yes, I do.

[Joe Rogan]

All right.

[Brian Bishop]

It's my hypotheses that.

[Randy]

Say that again, Adam. I'm sorry.

[Brian Bishop]

It's my hypotheses. Dude, are you gay? That this is a gay ruse. All of these things, it's just an attempt to meet dudes on the Internet.

[Randy]

Adam, my theory is, is that you've read the book even though you're straight, and I can't believe you didn't talk about it on the man show.

[Brian Bishop]

Am I right or am I right? They're. First off, you have to be gay. And secondly, you're right.

[Randy]

I think, Adam, that you kind of tuck it under Your mattress next to your play girls and that kind of thing.

[Brian Bishop]

You guys are so.

[Randy]

And when you can't sleep or when you need to use the bathroom, you just open up Room of Planahan Books. It doesn't matter what chapter it is, the beginning or the end. Like I'm Adam Carolla of the Man Show. I hate homo.

[Brian Bishop]

No, I love the facts.

[Randy]

You send me some naked pictures of you by chance.

[Adam Carolla]

Randy, how much is this book going for?

[Randy]

It's going for $5, but I will give Adam a discount. I will sell it for $4 because Jimmy Kimmel has his own show.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow, that's cold comfort.

[Brian Bishop]

Rarely do I get insulted and save a dollar in the same sentence.

[Randy]

Well, I can insult you again and sell it you for $3 and mention Jimmy Kimmel again. But then again, it's sort of like, what can I say? When someone is obviously as Sarah Silverman dumps him. What can you do? She can be funny, but do straight people think that she's pretty?

[Brian Bishop]

Yes.

[Randy]

Is there a lesbian listening in in the background?

[Brian Bishop]

I'm just gonna answer for that lesbian and say yes. She's nodding her head right now.

[Randy]

You have. You have big bull dykes working for you.

[Brian Bishop]

Hey, Randy.

[Randy]

Yes?

[Brian Bishop]

How about you let me ask a couple questions?

[Warren Cromartie]

All right.

[Randy]

Nice inches soft. 11 inches hard. And yes, you can come over right now. We can have a six pack.

[Brian Bishop]

Hold on, hold on.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, this is not a character. This is a real guy.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, first of all, we didn't cook this.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, this is not cooked.

[Brian Bishop]

No, it wouldn't be this funny if we were doing it. Hey, Randy, can you do me a favor and just say it puts the lotion in the basket very quickly? So, so bright.

[Randy]

Put some lotion in your bath. Is that what you said?

[Brian Bishop]

All right, place the Brummer in the basket. Just say, now it puts the lotion in the basket. Randy, do it in a lower register, please.

[Randy]

Lotion in your bed pan. Is your show so bad that you can't afford normal phones?

[Brian Bishop]

Hold on a second. There's something about being an. Which is just. They can. They're, they're, they're. They're like a roulette wheel that'll never land on the color that you choose.

[Adam Carolla]

No, and I can't believe that a Golden Girls fan would be a jerk.

[Brian Bishop]

But here's the thing. Remember we were talking about this earlier in the week, and I said, this is gay men trying to hook up with other gay men, but nobody would put their ad in the Penny Saver just on the chance that we would find it and talk to them on this podcast. Right?

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Brian Bishop]

So Randy's a real guy, and he's a real gay guy who put Room A Clan at. Now, is this code? Is this gate code? Does this mean he's Grecoactive, but if you have Bea Arthur's book, it means.

[Adam Carolla]

You'Re power bottom and Betty White's. Another thing Estelle Getty, you don't even want to know.

[Brian Bishop]

I would love to talk to Randy.

[Adam Carolla]

About this, but you can't. I want to know why he needs five bucks. What does he do for a living?

[Brian Bishop]

I don't know. It's all part of the code. It's not the money.

[Adam Carolla]

Are you sure? Times are tough.

[Brian Bishop]

Mad money. We're never gonna get an answer out of Randy.

[Randy]

How about leaving the jokes to Adam?

[Brian Bishop]

Randy? Yeah, all right.

[Randy]

You can just be on hold with about 147 other losers. That's no big deal.

[Brian Bishop]

Can we be on. Can we be serious for a moment?

[Randy]

Can we be serious?

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, yes, I swallow. Okay, keep coming. It rubs the lotion on its skin. It does this whenever. It's literally impossible to talk to guys like Randy because they sense what you want, and they're so angry and passive aggressive that they can never, ever do what you want. Unless you can trick them into sensing that you want something else.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, by doing child a lot of gay jokes.

[Randy]

Lambs being slaughtered.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Remember that, Randy?

[Randy]

Yes, Adam, my darling?

[Brian Bishop]

I. I'm gonna need to move on. I don't want to move on.

[Adam Carolla]

We want to know more.

[Brian Bishop]

We really would like to know more, but we're. We need to have a genuine dialogue for a moment. Would that be possible?

[Randy]

That's fine.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay, we can.

[Randy]

Are you touching yourself right now? Adam?

[Adam Carolla]

I thought we were making progress, because.

[Randy]

Sometimes from driving the car and I see you on the back of the buses, I think, whoa. This man does not shave or trim. Is that true?

[Brian Bishop]

I would for you, Randy. I would absolutely find. Went gay. I'd get my together if you went gay.

[Randy]

Yeah. Tell me another.

[Brian Bishop]

Jeez. So, Randy, the $5, is that money that you need?

[Randy]

It's money that I need in order to buy a scissors to trim the back of your balls in between that.

[Brian Bishop]

Part in your butthole.

[Randy]

It's called a tank.

[Brian Bishop]

You're from the Castro area, are you not?

[Adam Carolla]

I am from San Francisco.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, please talk in gay to Randy. I. I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere. You know, this is essentially.

[Adam Carolla]

Can we get that Japanese translator back on?

[Brian Bishop]

Blair? Sly, I'm Considered the man. You know what, Randy? I'm gonna step aside and let Teresa conduct the interview for a moment.

[Adam Carolla]

Randy, we're actually just really curious about people who are trying to sell things on Craigslist. And I know it's funny to make jokes, but we really want to know, do you need the $5? Are times tough for you, or is this a way to just meet people?

[Brian Bishop]

Why don't you trim that topiary you call a bush?

[Randy]

Times are tough for me. They are. My mother is dying of brain cancer, and I thought that based on the fact that Rue McClanahan died recently, maybe I could take the five bucks and donate to someone and find a cure.

[Brian Bishop]

Keep going.

[Adam Carolla]

I think I feel good. You said your mom just passed?

[Randy]

Yeah, my. Yeah, she died just like Rue Mcclanahan. And sort of like five bucks I could donate to a charity, or I could trim Adam Pube how much he.

[Brian Bishop]

Knows about Warren Cromartie.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you know anything about Warren Cromartie?

[Randy]

No, I don't.

[Adam Carolla]

If you had to guess, say, happy Hanukkah.

[Randy]

What did you say?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, no, I'm getting it, too.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, we got five. Oh, he's going in on the juice stuff. Wow. What if I'm just decoying about.

[Adam Carolla]

What if I'm just a decoy?

[Randy]

Adam, I have a joke for you.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm all here.

[Randy]

What's the difference between a pizza and a Jew?

[Brian Bishop]

I don't know. What?

[Randy]

A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven.

[Adam Carolla]

I knew it had an oven, but I couldn't.

[Brian Bishop]

Hi, Randy. Hold on. Mike lynch, you're fired. Randy, you're in. Bring the River Clanahan back.

[Randy]

So when am I gonna be on the show?

[Brian Bishop]

You've been on it for last, what, feels like 45 minutes?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm starting to think Randy's straight. No, I'm starting to wonder.

[Brian Bishop]

Really? He.

[Randy]

Well, I'm petting my right now.

[Brian Bishop]

He's got pretty good gaydar.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know.

[Randy]

Her name is Fluff. Fluff?

[Teresa Strasser]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay. Hey, Randy.

[Randy]

Yes?

[Brian Bishop]

We're gonna. We're gonna have to let you go.

[Randy]

Why?

[Brian Bishop]

Because.

[Randy]

Have I been fired? Like you were from the mansion?

[Brian Bishop]

That's what happened. They fired me from the Ban Show.

[Randy]

At least Jimmy Kimmel can see the stars from his office. Where's your office? In Burbank or something?

[Brian Bishop]

I'm gonna give you the exact address off the air so you can swing by and delight us with more of your.

[Randy]

You're probably in Canoga park, right?

[Brian Bishop]

All right, Randy, we're Gonna let you go, brother.

[Randy]

Okay, Adam.

[Brian Bishop]

All right. We'll talk to you soon.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I just say he's.

[Brian Bishop]

Good luck with the triple cocktail, brother. Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

He is to the gays what Bernie Madoff is to the Jews. Like, he just embarrassed the entire community by being unfunny rude.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And then bringing his mother into it.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Now I have a bad gay taste.

[Adam Carolla]

How do we cleanse it?

[Brian Bishop]

Sorbet. Sorge. There you go. There you go. It has a sprig of mint in it. And it's mint when you meet. And there should be one of these for everything. Like whenever you beat meet a bad version of an ethnicity or group. So you don't hate all Puerto Ricans, Right? You just do a little palate cleanse, huh?

[Adam Carolla]

No, you need it.

[Brian Bishop]

You need it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I gotta shake that off.

[Brian Bishop]

Keep my wallet. Don't wash that gay right out of my hair.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, what about Vaughn? Do you think he's gonna maybe be the palate cleanser we need?

[Brian Bishop]

Von's got. Von seems like a pretty. Pretty straight dude. Because Vaughn is the guy that has the three ring binder. He's selling a three ring binder? It's somewhere in front of me, but. Well, we'll get that. We'll get the details from it.

[Randy]

It's.

[Brian Bishop]

I think it's going for a buck 50 a pop. Hey, Vaughn. Yvonne Vaughn. What are you selling?

[Warren Cromartie]

Well, I have acquired probably 50 Ruth Leaf binders.

[Brian Bishop]

You acquired them?

[Warren Cromartie]

Right? Some of them are brand new, some are slightly used. I don't need all of them. So. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Vaughn, I don't. I don't know you personally, but I do. I do do a lot of talk radio. I've spoken to a lot of folks. I'm gonna take a few guesses about you. I'm picturing, fix your own smoking jacket, eye patch, sort of Barclay man, French Riviera, couple of hotties on each arm. Is that your life?

[Warren Cromartie]

No, that's not my life.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, well, let me guess what kind of car you drive here. Let's say one of the Maybachs. No. No. Wow. I'm really excited.

[Adam Carolla]

May I ask, Vaughn.

[Brian Bishop]

Ferrari 599. Or is it the 612 Skag?

[Adam Carolla]

I feel bad. Like, we.

[Brian Bishop]

What. What are you driving? V?

[Warren Cromartie]

I drive. I drive. My name is Bob. I drive an old car. 1987 old.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, man. Oldsmobile. Damn it.

[Warren Cromartie]

And wait a minute, there's more to it. And in 1981 old cutlass bro coupes.

[Brian Bishop]

See, I struck you as a guy. He was Driving like a slammed Acura or Hyundai with a huge, you know, like one of those bazooka bass speakers in the back. Huh. So you're driving an Oldsmobile.

[Warren Cromartie]

You aren't too far off. Because in my younger days when I drove Mercedes 300 SL coal wing coupe.

[Brian Bishop]

You had a gold wing. Now that cars. Now, here's the ironic thing. The 300 SL Gullwing Coupe is a $550,000 automobile. It's a lot of binders. It's a lot of lot. A lot of denim binders.

[Adam Carolla]

How old a man is Vaughn?

[Warren Cromartie]

This is Bob, and I'm 88.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, it's Bob. Bob. Oh, we've been calling you Von for 20 minutes.

[Adam Carolla]

We're sorry, Bob. 88.

[Brian Bishop]

Tell you, one of the greatest guitar players is AC DC's Bob Scott. Legend.

[Warren Cromartie]

Yeah. You're talking about driving cars now. Let me talk about that for a moment. Oh, I was in the car business.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, you were.

[Warren Cromartie]

And in the course of 40 years, I worked with this company. We had Mercedes, we had Studebaker, we had Chrysler car. We were distributor amper car.

[Brian Bishop]

Hold on. Amphor car. The ones that you just drive right into a lake.

[Warren Cromartie]

That's right.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow.

[Warren Cromartie]

It's a fun car.

[Brian Bishop]

Hold on one second, Bob. Model T, I can just actually see that leaves falling. The season's changing us growing beards. And then we've cut back to the sofa and he's still listening. Hudson's Buick. Chrysler. Yeah, Chrysler Gotti.

[Adam Carolla]

Calendar months are flying off, flying off.

[Brian Bishop]

You see my kids getting older, going to college, having kids of their own. All right, sorry. God ahead, Bob.

[Warren Cromartie]

That's part of life.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Warren Cromartie]

Well, anyway, the fun part is I.

[Brian Bishop]

You. You had a dealership or you work for guys that had the gullwing Mercedes and the Ampacar, which people don't realize is an actual production amphibious car that you literally could just drive into a lake.

[Warren Cromartie]

That's where we took over the United states distribution in 1965.

[Brian Bishop]

I think it was the golden era of amphibious cars, as I refer to it.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, when I hear that someone's acquired a lot of things, it makes me wonder. I mean, where were these binders?

[Warren Cromartie]

Well, I went to a garage sale and I was gonna buy a couple for my taxes and so forth. I always have to have something to put them in, right? So I asked the lady, but she says, take them all. I thought she had a box of maybe 10. And before I got through, my whole back seat of my car was loaded up with these things.

[Brian Bishop]

So filled up the whole SL Mercedes car.

[Warren Cromartie]

This was the 86 old.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, I see. Yeah. Sorry. Now, did you own the Gull Wing Mercedes?

[Warren Cromartie]

No, that was my demonstrator. He used to demonstrate the car we solo.

[Brian Bishop]

What. What did. What did they list for back there in the mid-50s?

[Warren Cromartie]

Well, to give you some idea, I sold that car as a demonstrator for $5,800.

[Brian Bishop]

$5,800. And now you pretty much just put a bunch of zeros behind that. You get to about $580,000. And that's how much the cars go for now?

[Warren Cromartie]

At least 10. That's right.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Saw Leno driving one the other day.

[Warren Cromartie]

Hey, another fun car we had. We were Studebaker dealers, and if you know anything about the Studebaker Avanti.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, the Avanti. Nice car.

[Warren Cromartie]

Okay, well, Studebreaker broke every speed record in the book.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Warren Cromartie]

Introduced 1962.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, they brought the Avante back, by the way, on some sort of weird limited production or something like that.

[Warren Cromartie]

Well, they were taking over, Bob.

[Brian Bishop]

I feel like we could go on forever about the Avante and the Gold Wings and the Cromarties. That'd be a good name.

[Adam Carolla]

It already feels like forever. Cassie, sold any binders yet?

[Warren Cromartie]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

You have? And what do you. What do you ask. Asking for. For these binders?

[Warren Cromartie]

Well, anywhere from one to four dollars.

[Brian Bishop]

One to four dollars?

[Warren Cromartie]

Some of these are big, big, big, wide muscles.

[Brian Bishop]

I got a couple of twins with learning disabilities, and I lost my radio job a few years back. Plus, I'm a veteran of the Vietnam conflict. So what. What would you sell me one for?

[Warren Cromartie]

I use one per buck.

[Brian Bishop]

One for buck for one. And where are these. All these all kept? Is this in the library of the palace or. Where do you keep these babies?

[Warren Cromartie]

I've got them right now, drawing room, stashed around my garage, all over the place.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, okay. And how old a man are you, Bob?

[Warren Cromartie]

88.

[Brian Bishop]

88. Still going strong. Do you have kids, grandkids, stuff like that?

[Warren Cromartie]

Oh, Yeah. I got 11 great grandchildren.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow. And are they here in town? Is there somebody. Where are you out of?

[Warren Cromartie]

I'm in Burbank, California.

[Brian Bishop]

Burbank? Oh, you could hop in one of those Oldsmobiles and be here about 12 hours, the way to drive. But, Bob, you have family out here. People take care of you. You're going out on Fourth of July, things like that.

[Warren Cromartie]

Well, I've got four houses and I've got grandchildren living in. In those four houses, and they're right close by.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow. You own those houses?

[Warren Cromartie]

Yep.

[Brian Bishop]

Jesus Christ, Bob, Let Me tell you my plan.

[Warren Cromartie]

What's your plan?

[Brian Bishop]

And maybe I shouldn't mention it out loud, but I feel like you're old enough to forget about it. Next time I see you, I would like to ingratiate myself to you. Since I've lost my radio gig, I would like to befriend you. We could talk about cars. We'd have really some good times. And I could start sort of nudging your kids out of the picture. Then as far as your will went, I would get you to revise it so that I was the benefactor of all these houses in the event that something happened to you. And also the collector of the three ring binders and your small collections of Delta 88 Oldsmobiles. Yes.

[Warren Cromartie]

Well, that sounds interesting.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. And by the way, I don't feel like your kids appreciate you the way I would appreciate you. You know what I mean? Ask. Yeah, okay, old man, we get it. You drove a Gold wing when you're 14, big, big whoop. No, no, not me. I would. I look at a guy like he was a legend and I would look up to you, Bob.

[Warren Cromartie]

Now, back when I was 14, I didn't drive with a Gold wing. I had a hot rock on a T. Ford.

[Brian Bishop]

There you go. Flat. Flathead.

[Warren Cromartie]

No, this was a shortened wheelbase, lowered over the frames, VR the back, Rocky Mountain buffalo racing wheels.

[Brian Bishop]

But what kind of engine did you have in there?

[Warren Cromartie]

A bb. Roger. Double ignition, head on.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow. What kind of engine did you have in there, huh? Rod Model T. Well, that was a Flathead, right?

[Warren Cromartie]

It was, but then they converted it over and put on this Roger head.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, wow. See, that's the kind of. This is the kind of exchange we would be having in your garage.

[Warren Cromartie]

There you go.

[Brian Bishop]

You talked to one of those. One of those snot nosed grandkids about this? What are they doing? Hey, you're blocking the TV set, old man. I can't play my Nintendo.

[Adam Carolla]

Those guys are gonna contest the will, you know they will.

[Brian Bishop]

Eh, don't worry. I got lawyers.

[Adam Carolla]

They're gonna say he wasn't in his right mind when he signed everything over to you.

[Brian Bishop]

Bob, you seem perfectly sound to me.

[Warren Cromartie]

Yes, well, I've been told that.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, all right. You're over there in the Burbank area. Take the chain off the door. I'll be coming in tonight.

[Warren Cromartie]

You know what they say in Hotel Six? We'll leave the light on.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right. Yeah, I'll give. I'll tell you, I do something with Vapor Rub that transcends gay. It Is. I gotta tell you, you're gonna love it. I'll give you a nice rub down. I'll put those little. Put those little circular bunion bandages on your toes there.

[Adam Carolla]

You think Bob's a widower?

[Warren Cromartie]

Oh, no, no. I've been married 65 years. Still got her.

[Brian Bishop]

Really?

[Warren Cromartie]

I got one. I got one last look at it.

[Brian Bishop]

A little wrinkled my plan. Yeah, thanks for taking all the good ones, Bob. We're left with all the. The dented floor models. Thank you.

[Warren Cromartie]

What happened to them?

[Brian Bishop]

Still married, huh?

[Warren Cromartie]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

65 years. All right. She. She doing okay?

[Warren Cromartie]

Just fine.

[Brian Bishop]

Does she have one of those novels with the old person names?

[Warren Cromartie]

No, her name is Lou.

[Brian Bishop]

It's no Matilda, but it's still.

[Adam Carolla]

Is that short for something?

[Brian Bishop]

I like that. Hey, Bob, thanks for being such a sport and quite a breath of air from the angry homosexual we spoke to moments earlier.

[Adam Carolla]

These are the two most antithetical human beings in la.

[Brian Bishop]

I really think we took. Yes, I. I don't think we could have gotten further apart. And if you want to go ahead and factor in Warren Cromartie, I think we've just covered the universe in terms of human beings tonight. Yes. Yeah, thanks, Bob. Put me down for baker's dozen of those babies. Okay.

[Warren Cromartie]

All right.

[Brian Bishop]

All right. Bob went to a garage sale to buy a three ring binder. Bob came home with a truckload of binders and is now selling. Now, I'm changing my opinion on Bob a little bit here. At first, driving the, you know, the Oldsmobile and living in a place that's filled with three ring binders. I was thinking, you know, this man's on disability and eating cat food. But now with the ownership of the four houses and his illustrious background, maybe Bob is one of these miserly guys who just knows the value of a dollar and he never took his eye off the prize. And somehow, I mean, if he is, he own four houses outright.

[Adam Carolla]

It sounded like that, and I got the feeling he just didn't. Somebody gave him these binders and he thought, what else am I doing? I might as well put an ad in the Penny Saver and see if I can.

[Brian Bishop]

You know, married 65 years, never got drained by some broad and a bad divorce.

[Joe Rogan]

Huh?

[Brian Bishop]

He's probably doing all right for himself. You ready to go out here, Brian? Oh, that's who the sells this.

[Randy]

Oh, God.

[Adam Carolla]

Very nice man, Bob.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, yeah. First caller should learn a lesson from Bob. All right. I want to thank Matthew Asner and Danny Gold for coming in here. God damn, we had a lot of people on this show. Thank you guys for not speaking. No, I just feel like, you know, we had so much going on. I feel like we didn't get a chance to scratch your luck. Lottery ticket. Well, you can help us out. Tell people to watch our movie. I will tell people to. And if they like to see it, it's going to premiere on the MLB Network June 26th at 4:00. You can go seasonofthesamurai.com to find out more about it and purchase it. Yes. And a version of it that you won't see on the MLB Network. Oh, really? Directors. Yeah. The director's cut, which has scenes that would make Major League Baseball blush. Sure. Actually, I just. That we. We actually break a record in this film. Well, can you say bukaki? Yeah. Scarface previously held the record, I think, from what I'm told, for the most expletives in a film. Oh, really?

[Joe Rogan]

And this.

[Brian Bishop]

That would be right. Yes. Yes. And this, I'm told, shatters it. Shatters the record. Wow.

[Joe Rogan]

Shatters it.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow. So again, that's only on the dvd. Yes, correct. All right, that is it for today's cool classics.

[Teresa Strasser]

Make sure to tune in tomorrow for the final episode of the weekend. Until then, mahalo.

[Brian Bishop]

And go.