Camilla Luddington + Alison and Bryan (Carolla Classics)

Summary

Podcast Summary: Adam Carolla Show – Episode featuring Camilla Luddington, Allison Rosen, and Bald Bryan (Carolla Classics)
Release Date: May 4, 2025

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Introduction to Carolla Classics

In this special edition of Carolla Classics, host Adam Carolla is joined by guests Camilla Luddington, Allison Rosen, and Bald Bryan. The episode delves into a blend of humorous anecdotes, sharp observations, and candid conversations that showcase Adam's unfiltered style.

DUI Checkpoints and Triangulation

Adam opens the discussion by recounting his hectic filming schedule between Huntington Beach, Pasadena, and a stint on Jimmy Kimmel in Hollywood. He humorously laments the taxing travel routine:

Adam Carolla [02:20]: "They call it the devil's triangle."

Reflection on In Memoriam

While exploring a condo complex in Huntington Beach, Adam stumbles upon an in memoriam for his beloved dog, Jenny Girl, sparking a mix of frustration and reflection on community sentiments:

Adam Carolla [06:28]: "Just, my dog died. Everyone says except for the Corollas, because it's too cheap to get a fucking dog."

Humorous Analysis of Adages

The trio engages in a playful deconstruction of various proverbs, such as "shit eating grin," dissecting their meanings with comedic flair:

Allison Rosen [10:42]: "If you ate shit, you would not be grinning."

Making Dick Pics Acceptable

A heated segment ensues as Adam proposes an invention to make dick pics more palatable by pairing them with red velvet cake. The guests debate the feasibility and boundaries of such a concept:

Adam Carolla [15:37]: "A dick pic with a nice piece of red velvet cake might be effective for a lot of the ladies who did not formally like the dick pic."

Movie Project: "Close Quarters"

Adam discusses his involvement in the movie "Close Quarters" with Camilla, highlighting its unique ensemble cast and humorous production anecdotes:

Adam Carolla [25:57]: "It's not the finished product, but it's kind of a work in progress, but kind of funny."

Punishment Segments for Callers

Listeners call in with personal issues, and Adam responds with tongue-in-cheek "punishments" aimed at redemption:

1. Steve from Houston complains about creamer preferences:

   Adam Carolla [28:00]: "Your punishment is you're gonna have to raise a family in Houston."

2. Mike from Kansas City reveals infidelity and the subsequent guilt:

   Adam Carolla [40:38]: "Your punishment is you have to have a donut."

3. Scott from Chicago discusses a fallout from an affair resulting in a child:

   Adam Carolla [47:11]: "You have to see the movie Kindergarten Cop 128 times in a row."

Masturbation on Airplanes and Dick Pics Debate

The hosts delve into the controversial topic of masturbation on airplanes, debating its prevalence and societal perceptions:

Adam Carolla [44:33]: "The bathroom. The quiet dignity to go to the bathroom and beat off all over everyone else's shit that I would think of."

News Segments

Allison Rosen delivers updates on current events:

1. Ebola Update:

   Allison Rosen [85:24]: "A second Dallas nurse has tested positive for Ebola, having flown while ill despite guidelines."

2. Domain Sales for Diseases:

   Bald Bryan [88:56]: "An entrepreneur is selling the domain ebola.com for $150,000."

"Just Me or Everyone" Segment

Listeners share relatable quirks and mishaps, sparking laughter and agreement among the hosts:

1. Tony Dacoste struggles with wearing a T-shirt as pants in the middle of the night.

2. Sean Corrigan finds that adding ketchup to anything makes it taste overwhelmingly like ketchup:

   Sean Corrigan [127:06]: "If you put ketchup on anything, that thing tastes like ketchup."

3. Ray Morgan describes his reaction to exceptionally tasty food, likening it to an Axl Rose sway.

Grey's Anatomy and Pop Culture

Camilla shares insights about her role in Grey's Anatomy and the show's impact on music bands like The Fray:

Camilla Luddington [100:07]: "It's not, you know, they made some bands like The Fray. Nobody knew about The Fray until Grey's Anatomy."

Closing Remarks

Adam wraps up the episode by promoting upcoming live shows in cities like Portland and Seattle, and teasing future content:

Adam Carolla [99:00]: "Until next time, Daniel crawl for Allison Rosen and Bob Brian Singh. Mahalo."

Notable Quotes

• Adam Carolla [10:15]: "If somebody's got a little damning in the sense that you know, when a guy..."
• Allison Rosen [03:42]: "The Merfuck people are like who's the guy?"
• Bald Bryan [05:10]: "It's sad because I think that it gives you the sense that this is all very transient."

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This episode of The Adam Carolla Show exemplifies the show's signature blend of uncensored comedy, sharp insights, and dynamic banter among hosts and guests. Through candid discussions and humorous takes on everyday life and pop culture, Adam and his team deliver an engaging and entertaining experience for listeners.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

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[Bald Bryan]

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Bald Bryan]

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[Bald Bryan]

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Bald Bryan]

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[Bald Bryan]

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Bald Bryan]

Foreign.

[Allison Rosen]

Classics I'm your host, superfan Giovanni. This is the podcast. We're bringing you best moments, highlights and fan selected clips from all 16 years. The Adam Crolla show we have a companion podcast titled Cruel Classics with ad free archives available through Podcast One Premium. You can also find ad free archives of the Adam Corolla show and the Adam and Dr. Drew show as well as exclusive access to Adam's brand new show Beat it out through his substack at AdamCroll substack. Com. Make sure to check it out and subscribe. If you'd like to request a clip, Please email us classicsdamcurollo.com let's get to the clips coming up. First we have Adam Carlo Show 1433. A classic Adam and the Gang show. No guest, just fun times. Hope you guys enjoy.

[Adam Carolla]

Good day. Allison Rosen hello Adam Carolla and Bald Brian the Merfuck.

[Allison Rosen]

I get at least two requests for that every day with the hashtag top Drop.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm never let's hear it again.

[Allison Rosen]

The Merfuck people are like who's the guy? I forgot the guy's name. Avoiding a dui. It's Rob Hubel turning his car away from a checkpoint.

[Adam Carolla]

Dui Checkpoints. Yes. And don't think the cops haven't figured out that if you're doing an E brake smoking the bandit style. 100 yards in front of their DUI checkpoint that you're not drunk.

[Allison Rosen]

You're saying that's a tell.

[Adam Carolla]

I call that a tell in the DUI business. We got a bunch of stuff to do with you today. And once again, thanks for spreading the word. Tell me where you guys come down on this. I'm trying not to be a complete hard ass about it, but I was filming in super convenient Huntington Beach. Had a lovely day yesterday. Well, you go down to Huntington beach in the morning and then you go back to the Pasadena area in the afternoon and then you go do Jimmy Kimmel in the early evening, which is Hollywood and Vine. So if anybody would do the triangulation of that, that could.

[Bald Bryan]

That's a lot of driving.

[Adam Carolla]

Not figure out a worse triangle. That's a devil's triangle.

[Allison Rosen]

Silver lining Huntington Beach. Much nicer than the places you normally go to.

[Bald Bryan]

Not all of it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, not all of it. Not all of it. But on average, yes. And certainly it's cooled down a little. But the 8:00am call time in Huntington beach with the go be on top of your game at Kimmel at 6:00 meant it's just for me. By the way, the power nap has never been utilized to a greater extent than that. Come home from the long day at Huntington Beach. Just 40 minutes. Get my brain straight, go do Kimmel. Now when I was filming at this condo complex or this duplex complex in Huntington Beach, I was standing by the rec. You know, they have. I don't know why there's something. What's sad. Why is there something sad about the sort of community center, sort of the freebie thing that's in the middle of.

[Allison Rosen]

The big complex, the multi use facility.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Where they're giving. Where they have books for you to borrow.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, I was thinking like the place where you had like a barbecue. Yeah, yeah. Or the fall festival.

[Adam Carolla]

All the, all those community places are a little bit sad. Like in the condo complex. They're not. They're fish nor fowl.

[Bald Bryan]

It's sad because I think that it gives you the sense that this is all very transient. Like no one has been there. Well, there probably is like Martha who's been there for 45 years and pays $90 a month and who knows her story? But for the most part this is like people who are going through a divorce or. That's the sense. The sadness I get is that it's like people passing in and out the.

[Adam Carolla]

Facility that they provide you with in the middle of the courtyard of the complex. Is a Swiss army knife that has nothing but sporks in it. It's like. It's not really anything. It's not good for a party. It's not good for a wedding. It's not good for celebration or foot or Super Bowl Sunday. It's just not bad. It's not. It's. You could use it for anything, but it's really good for nothing. And if somebody was getting married there or having a party there, you'd feel bad for them. Right?

[Allison Rosen]

Just like the community itself mimics a neighborhood, the facility mimics whatever it's mimicking a basketball court, you know, half court or volleyball or. Wedding facility.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. So then we had a little time while they were setting some stuff up, and I found myself looking through the bookshelves, and I don't know why, but the book lost. You know, I was bored. I had to go look at the community. The bulletin board. With the bulletin board where they put the signs up.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, that's funny.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Except for when you see the one page. In memoriam to Jenny Girl, the black lab 2003 to 2014. And it wasn't, I'm having a party or who needs some kibble? Or anything like that. It was just, my dog died.

[Allison Rosen]

Just FYI.

[Adam Carolla]

Up and died. Just died.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, no.

[Adam Carolla]

And I'm just looking at a picture of the dog in the prime at the beach, you know, and I'm just sitting there feeling a little bit worse than I already did, and I'm just thought, why? Like, okay, then, you know, of course my next thought is, stop being a douchebag at him. But then I'm like, your dog died. Everyone said, a dog that's died, except for the Corollas, because it's too fucking cheap to get a fucking dog in the first place. But we had cats die and things like that. But why bum out the community?

[Bald Bryan]

And then I'm. I'm bumming out everyone I see with my sad dog stories, so.

[Adam Carolla]

But you're not. You're not posting it like you didn't get a custom license plate frame?

[Bald Bryan]

Well, no, no, not yet.

[Adam Carolla]

Not yet. It's in the mail.

[Bald Bryan]

Still figuring out what kind of tattoo to get.

[Adam Carolla]

Couple of weeks of lead time on this frame.

[Bald Bryan]

Is it possible the dog is a beloved member of the community?

[Adam Carolla]

I was trying to spin it. I was trying to spin it that way, Vice Mayor. Yeah, I was trying to think, well, maybe Jenny girl had been trotted around there.

[Bald Bryan]

Jenny girl's urine you're smelling.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. If I close my eyes, I can still Feel myself stepping in her shit, barefoot, by the tennis courts that no one uses. Right there. So I was just looking at that. It was a full head shot of Jenny Girl. And it wasn't send condolences to or make a donation to your local shelter. It was just, my dog's dead. I want everyone to hear ye. Hear ye. Like, I'm just gonna ring a bell, tell everyone my dog's dead.

[Allison Rosen]

And I bet that was Facebook.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Literally posting it on a wall, and I wasn't sure. Like, again, like, I'm thinking, is that person a better person than me? No, hold on. They didn't put their name on it. They just want everyone to know that Jenny girl was dead. All right, I'm gonna give him a pass. Thinking that maybe Jenny girl walked around the. The quad there. Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

Community. It's a facility in the middle of the.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, Okay.

[Allison Rosen]

I appreciate the heads up.

[Adam Carolla]

Then later on, I got more depressed when I saw the desperate housewife. Who's the mind behind Skinny Girl?

[Bald Bryan]

Bethenny Frankel.

[Adam Carolla]

Saw Bethenny Frankel's book.

[Bald Bryan]

Oh.

[Adam Carolla]

In the thing. And I thought, this is. While you're. You've just been. Your world has been rocked by the demise of Jenny Girl, and now you gotta read about Bethenny Frankel.

[Bald Bryan]

Is it a memoir or is it a cookbook? Diet book?

[Adam Carolla]

She's topless, but covering her boobies on the COVID I hope you're sitting down.

[Allison Rosen]

Her massive jawlines casting a shadow.

[Bald Bryan]

That means this is a book where she's gonna tell it like it is.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yes.

[Bald Bryan]

It's not gonna be pretty.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. I told my ghostwriter to hold nothing back. So I was staring at that. And, you know, when books have been exposed to the outdoors a little too much, they get a little crackly. Kind of like people, but it, like weather. Beaten in the shade. Covered roof, but not enclosed.

[Allison Rosen]

Blistered.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. Yeah. I don't know. I found that a sad tableau. Also, later on, I was exploring the adage shit eating grin and realized almost all the shit stuff is not accurate. Like shit rolling downhill. If you've ever been camping and shit off a hill, it barely moves.

[Allison Rosen]

Right. Unless you're like, in a massive ship.

[Adam Carolla]

In that it gathers up twigs and pine needles and things and acorns and stuff. It barely rolls anywhere.

[Allison Rosen]

It kind of slides, but even then.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's a novel. It was Skinny Dinner.

[Allison Rosen]

It's a novel.

[Adam Carolla]

It's Bethenny Frankel novel. Yeah. So, like, I'd say shit falls off a cliff, but it doesn't really roll down a hill. Okay, that was number one.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm with you.

[Adam Carolla]

And then as. As we discussed, don't eat where you shit. Which is don't date people at work.

[Bald Bryan]

Because Makes no sense because you always eat where you shit.

[Adam Carolla]

Plenty of people go home to their super small apartments and do nothing but eat and shit. Sometimes simultaneously. But if you're living in an 800.

[Bald Bryan]

Square foot apartment, I have broken the seal. And the other day had to go to the bathroom. Mouthful of beef jerky. Not a problem.

[Adam Carolla]

You ate and shit. All right. Okuna matata. Who here does not shit where they.

[Allison Rosen]

Eat on a daily basis in the same like. Like footprint of a building? Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Well, what's so d. What? I don't. You. Oh, everyone shits where they eat and eats where they shit. True. Another non shit related adage. It's not really good. The shit rolling downhill. And then the one I was thinking about, the shit eating grin. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

If you ate shit, you would not be grinning.

[Bald Bryan]

No, not in that way.

[Adam Carolla]

Anybody. Listen, I've had shit smash my ear and I wasn't grinning. It wasn't even in my mouth and I didn't have a grin pasted on my face.

[Allison Rosen]

Nary a. Nary a smirk.

[Adam Carolla]

Not even close. Not even that one side. Like Billy Idol.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, a sneer.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, nothing. Not half a smile.

[Allison Rosen]

Tangentially related as I talked about it in my book, shit or get off the pot. Makes sense. But when you're talking to someone about why they haven't proposed. Hey, shit or get off the pod, man. Okay, so you propose. So you what you shit. Like, what does that get you?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I don't.

[Allison Rosen]

The prize is. Is not. You don't want to end up the shitting. Yeah, that's not.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna look into that. I'm gonna look into. I can't win for losing.

[Allison Rosen]

I love that one.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that.

[Allison Rosen]

That.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a pop. That was a pop. Yeah, that was a popular one.

[Bald Bryan]

God, how young is everyone else?

[Allison Rosen]

No, I don't know that one.

[Bald Bryan]

Not that young. Because I know how old some of you are. Can't win for losing.

[Adam Carolla]

How do you feel about the shitstorm? Shitstorm is fine with me because the point is, is everyone would want to avoid the shitstorm, but no one would have a grin after they munched on some dookie. Oh. And no. And it would not. Thank you. And the shit would not roll downhill and not have a shitty grin. And we all do shit where we eat.

[Bald Bryan]

Ultimately, does scared shitless mean you were so scared that you shit yourself or it scared the shit out of you. Like did it evaporate or did it come out?

[Adam Carolla]

I think it scared the shit out of you.

[Bald Bryan]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

That works. More of an animal thing. That shit works. Okay. I did hear somebody was being interviewed. I think it was an athlete explaining that he'd made a complete 360 from where he was this time last year. That was awesome. It may have been after the Cardinals.

[Allison Rosen]

Game back to win for losing. What does it mean? When would you use this?

[Adam Carolla]

This is a very.

[Bald Bryan]

Catch a break.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. This is.

[Allison Rosen]

What does it mean?

[Adam Carolla]

Gary will look it up. It means that even if to win you had to lose, you couldn't even do that. That's what it means. I think you can't win for losing. We're gonna figure it out. Because it was. It was a.

[Allison Rosen]

Even if I had to lose, I couldn't win.

[Adam Carolla]

It was a popular. It was up there with Dagnabbit.

[Allison Rosen]

That's good.

[Adam Carolla]

But it's. It is your grandpa's adage. The ones other ones we've talked about. Which is don't BS A BS Er just essentially makes you into a fucking liar too. I don't know why. People love trotting that one out.

[Allison Rosen]

You're being very upfront with that information.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm not to be trusted. So don't try and fool me.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Sort of puts you in the same boat.

[Allison Rosen]

It does.

[Adam Carolla]

And speaking of the same boat. I'll see you in hell. As I've always said. You're then in hell first.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. Do you have a porthole?

[Adam Carolla]

That's my whole point. Like through a very well insulated porthole. Porthole. Where I could view you in an air conditioned environment. But that doesn't get added on to that. All right. The phrase meaning that things would be going great for you if they weren't going so badly. All right. Really makes. All right now, Brian, does that make sense to you?

[Allison Rosen]

Let's say there was a. I'm reading here. Let's say there was a competition where you could lose the most. This saying means you'd never ever win. Therefore.

[Bald Bryan]

This is what Dawson said.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. You cannot win in a competition there from. Yeah. They go.

[Adam Carolla]

So if they had.

[Allison Rosen]

The goal is to lose. You can't even win that.

[Adam Carolla]

You couldn't even win that. There you go. Can't win for losing.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Can't win for losing.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Let's bring it.

[Bald Bryan]

It's old fashioned piece of four.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Which they don't. Which they don't use anymore. All right, so we got some stuff to do. Tell me what you guys think of this invention. And I was talking to Jenny Garth today.

[Allison Rosen]

Of course you are.

[Adam Carolla]

And I was talking to her on Ace on the House, and that'll air on Saturday, but she's doing a home improvement show. And she was telling me how disgusted she was by dick pics. And I said, I agree. I don't see why this would be a turn on for the ladies. I don't think it is. And if it is, by the way, that's what you call a tell.

[Allison Rosen]

Dear Luke Perry, for the hundredth time.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. But she said she didn't like dick pics. And I said, what if it was a dick pic with a nice piece of red velvet cake next to it? She really went. She went, I don't want home baked with the red velvet. And she's like cream cheese frosting. She turned the corner. Like, I could see. Like, I wouldn't be as offensive. I wouldn't turn. Like, I could forgive that guy. Like, she said she'd gotten a couple in her day and it was a super big turnoff. But if you put the red velvet cake next to the dick pic, it.

[Bald Bryan]

Really sweetens the dick.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, she might. She kind of be okay with it. And I was sort of thinking, well, then what if you laid it on a kitten? And she was like, no, now you've crossed the line. You somehow desecrated the kitten for her. Not for you, obviously, but maybe don't.

[Bald Bryan]

Lay it on the kitten, but put it in the same picture as the kitten. A kitten or a puppy with a dick in the pick would be okay.

[Allison Rosen]

Or dangle it above the kitten. Let it play with it. I'm bad at it.

[Adam Carolla]

Hang in there. What I'm saying is the dick pic with the big wedge of red velvet cake right next to it might be effective for a lot of the ladies who did not formally like the dick pic.

[Bald Bryan]

Right. I think it's true.

[Adam Carolla]

So that's something. And then I came up with this one and this we're gonna make a million dollars on. And I can't remember if I've even invented this one before, but I don't think I have. I said I wanted a silver dollar the size of a dime to use for scale, and I just. I'd have to set that. I'd set it next. Well, I can't. I don't know if I'd have the velvet cake in that shot because they think it was a huge piece of velvet cake. Although that might even Work even better. Right. Like we went to the Cheesecake Factory or one of those delis that just.

[Bald Bryan]

Gives you the nine layer or whatever.

[Adam Carolla]

Oversized German chocolate, whatever in the window there. Yeah, but I like the 4 scale of something that seemed like it was twice or three times as big.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, like something supposed to be the size of an Olympic medal that's actually the size of. Of a penny, I think.

[Adam Carolla]

Dangling the Olympic. Yeah, I think that might work.

[Allison Rosen]

So anyway, Jenny Garfield went for this.

[Adam Carolla]

I must say, when I hit her with the velvet cake, she paused and said, I'm listening. Like I'd look at that dick pic.

[Bald Bryan]

It's interesting that I think that with the cake, it's more of an appetizing photo, so to speak, than with a puppy or kitten. Because I would have thought there was nothing I wanted to see more than puppies or kittens. Even if there's dicks in the picnic. But the cake really has my attention.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the problem with the dick pic with the puppy is it's sexualizing the puppy.

[Bald Bryan]

Right. But somehow edibalizing the dick is okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. No, I'm just saying now the cake.

[Allison Rosen]

Has a nurturing component to it. It's like, I made this for you. I spent hours baking this. And here's my penis.

[Adam Carolla]

I think you're thinking about it too much, Brian.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

I just think chicks, like, I am.

[Allison Rosen]

Thinking about a lot.

[Adam Carolla]

Red velvet cake a lot. And they don't like dick pics. So what do you do? It's like taking liver and wrapping it with bacon. I'm pretty sure.

[Allison Rosen]

Speak of wrap it in bacon.

[Adam Carolla]

A lot of guys, like, a lot of guys be like, nah, I wouldn't suck dick. What if it was wrapped with bacon minus the toothpick with the cellophane, but do you know what I'm saying?

[Allison Rosen]

Okay, if I was forced to suck, I would request bacon.

[Adam Carolla]

If you gave most heterosexual guys a choice, suck cock, no bacon.

[Allison Rosen]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Suck cock with bacon.

[Allison Rosen]

Those are my only two choices.

[Adam Carolla]

That's your only two choices?

[Allison Rosen]

Okay, I gotta go with. Gotta go with.

[Adam Carolla]

You gotta go with.

[Allison Rosen]

You'd be a fool not to.

[Adam Carolla]

And if one of your straight friends walked in on you, you'd be like, hey, guys, fucking smoky goodness here. What are you talking about? Can't judge. All right, all right. We were trying. Gary came up this idea as, you know, with the patent troll. Oh, really? Yeah. I wouldn't have done it. Sorry about that. Okay. That's unfortunate. Chris, seems like you've got a dick pic somewhere in your past, right? No, no, really. No, not your thing. No, not my thing.

[Allison Rosen]

It's not his iPad mini.

[Adam Carolla]

It gets dwarfed if you put on a tablet or laptop. I need a panorama mode.

[Allison Rosen]

Good stuff. We're gonna let his mustache go without talking about it?

[Bald Bryan]

I can't stop thinking about it.

[Adam Carolla]

He's got a mustache.

[Allison Rosen]

It's kind of a molester stache.

[Adam Carolla]

It's got a little guard at a Vietnamese prison camp.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay, not getting any better.

[Adam Carolla]

I know, but either way, I kind of like it.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay, thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

I like it. All right. Anyone got any dick pics out there? Dawson, you gotta have a dick pic. I got a fucking coffee table book of them. It's the best picture I've ever taken, man. I. And I gotta say this. Your own dick, though, right? Oh, no, no. I'm saying the problem with the dick pic, it's a little damning in the sense that, you know, as I always say, like, when a guy. Don't be too fast. When you're in one of those conversations where, you know, turns to phallus and you say, hey, it's not the size of the boats. The motion of the ocean, like, that means everyone knows you have a small dick. Now, no dick pic is right up there with, if there are no pictures of you with your shirt off, you don't look that good with your shirt off. Chicks that look really hot in a bikini mysteriously have pictures of them in their bikini. Now, it's not that they are posing for pictures in their bikini. It's that, remember, they're destroying the rest of us. Yeah, yeah. But when you look good in a bikini and you're over at the Hard Rock by the pool and someone gets the thing out, you don't go, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, let me sit down. Or whatever that is. You take the picture. And when you're the dude who looks good with his shirt off. Shirts off at the ball game and your buddy takes. And you hold up the beard, not the. Let me put the thing back on. So now, the ratio to chicks who look good in a bikini and chicks who look bad in a bikini who have pictures of them in a bikini is a kajillion to one.

[Allison Rosen]

Sure. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And pictures of guys, not the same ratio, but still basically the same thought process. The guys who don't look great with their shirt off don't have a whole lot of pictures laying around with their shirts off. I would like to know the Mason Dixon Line. And I would bet you that Mason Dixon Line is somewhere around 6, 3, 4 inches. Where the. Under the 6 and 3 quarter, it fucking drops way off on the dick pick thing. And so it's not everyone just talks about dick pick, dick pick, dick pick, dick, dick, dick, dick pick.

[Allison Rosen]

But that's what we talk about.

[Adam Carolla]

The guys who have the equivalent of the six pack with the pecs and.

[Bald Bryan]

The traps, they for sure have dick pics.

[Adam Carolla]

Just like the chicks have the bikini pics. Like what's wrong with this? Don't you want to share this with the world? Sure. You're not going to see any dick pics of the six and under.

[Bald Bryan]

I don't think you are.

[Allison Rosen]

Probably not.

[Adam Carolla]

So don't be so quick to answer.

[Allison Rosen]

Unless there's like a jackass, like totally brazen thing. But you're right, that's a rare, that's a 1 percenter kind of thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? So.

[Allison Rosen]

But typical guy isn't gonna snap a photo of.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, let me see if I can articulate this. Do you feel like everyone who has a dick pic has a good dick or. It's just that if you take dick pics, you have a, I mean a big dick. Meaning there could be a lot of guys with perfectly wonderful large cocks out there who don't take them. But we know that if you do take them, that means you're a certain size. Or are you saying if someone doesn't have one we can read into that.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm saying that if you have a big unit, you're not forced to take a dick pic. But the percentage of guys taking dick pics are greatly and vastly outweigh the guys. If you have a small.

[Allison Rosen]

It's a self selecting sample of guys who dicks.

[Adam Carolla]

We're not gonna see a lot of dick pics. And if you show me a guy who's in prime dick pic, the prime, I guess it'd be demographic. You show me a 29 year old guy who says, nope, never took a dick pic. Probably gonna show you a guy with a small dick. Okay, you show me a 29 year old guy goes, well, what can I say?

[Allison Rosen]

We have all mistakes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I've had a couple of beers and a couple of girlfriends and sure there's a couple floating around in the cloud. By the way, the dick is the last thing you'd want in a cloud because if it starts raining, you got two options. You got jizz landing on you or dicks flying down at you. It's one or the other dicks in.

[Bald Bryan]

The clouds, raining cats and dicks.

[Adam Carolla]

You want dicks in the basement, that's.

[Allison Rosen]

Where you want them.

[Adam Carolla]

They're Underground, Middle earth.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes. Not the fucking clouds under the magma.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, that's right.

[Allison Rosen]

Detritus.

[Adam Carolla]

All the frati. Yes. That's where you want the dicks. Not hovering above you. No, no.

[Allison Rosen]

The last place you want that is.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you.

[Allison Rosen]

Because they'll hang out there for a while. But when the weather. When the barometer gets low.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, and then all of a sudden.

[Bald Bryan]

Sometimes I walk out and I can just feel the dick in the air.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Sometimes my knee gets sore.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Bursitis. Yeah. Mm. All right, boy. Now. Oh, the picture. All right, we're getting to this. So we talked about my movie and Cranston sending in the picture of himself, and he was in New Orleans, but he was such a good guy. Send in all these pictures of him starring in my sitcom Close Quarters, about the family that lives in a submarine. We talked about David Wilde's kid and my kids in it. But anyway, they whacked together the posterior.

[Bald Bryan]

I love it.

[Adam Carolla]

So you can. You can get. It's the top part of it is the part we're using. The bottom part is not the part. The part we're using is kind of a. Kind of a rough cut for. For the movie. But you can see. You can see the kids. You can see Cranston. You can see David Wilde. David Wilde's son. I think it's Andrew. Is that Andrew? Yeah. And see my kids. And then actor Michael Trucco. I think it's Trucho. I don't think it's Trucco.

[Allison Rosen]

Michael Trucco is in this.

[Adam Carolla]

That's his wife.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, he went to my high school.

[Adam Carolla]

I went to your high school.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. It was always in the newsletter. Michael Trucco is in this show or whatever, doing whatever he's doing.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Allison Rosen]

So maybe it'll be that he is in. Oh, his wife's in this.

[Adam Carolla]

That's his wife.

[Allison Rosen]

Because you know him from the racing thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And we needed a wife that was 20 years younger than the star of the sitcom who was blonde and hot and didn't matter much who she was. So that was our connection. So showed that to the kids today, and they got a Yesterday. So they got a kick out of that.

[Allison Rosen]

Sonny's really hamming it up. He's a natural.

[Adam Carolla]

So we'll put that [e-mail] and you can check that out. And it's not the finished product, but it's kind of a work in progress, but kind of funny. All right, we got Baldiwood. We got Chris's idea, which is back to zero. And as you know, with patent trolls and the big legal bills, that's kind of part of my plan is to just get back to zero. And you guys bookmarking Amazon helps a lot. And buying the Mangria and all that stuff is just helps get back to zero. And what I thought I would do is, Gary, I think explain it to me, people are going to call in, they're going to tell me the stuff that would piss me off and I'm going to give them the stuff they do. The stuff they do.

[Allison Rosen]

Right, you're gonna give them penance of sorts.

[Adam Carolla]

Alright, way to get back to zero with you good in your book. Let's get to the top here, Steve. 46, Houston.

[Caller]

Ace man bald Allison. Love you guys.

[Adam Carolla]

What did you do that would offend me?

[Caller]

Well, let's start with the hazelnut creamer and sometimes cinnamon vanilla creamer as well. Almond Joy. But it gets worse because I'm one of those people that, that can't drink coffee after a certain point of the day.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, Steve, your punishment is you're gonna have to raise a family in Houston. Oh, you're in Houston now. Oh, okay. Well done and done.

[Caller]

And they're girls, so they headbutt me instead of hug me like, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I got that from Natalia. Now let's not overdo it. Just let's say three to five years. Then you can move to Portland or Orlando or some normal city someplace.

[Allison Rosen]

Inhabit.

[Caller]

Yeah, we've been here since 2006.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, well, then I can grandfather you out if you like.

[Allison Rosen]

Time served.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna need like some sort of utility bill from 2006. Something with your name and address on it that obviously will support what you're telling me because I only had you in for three to five years. You should have called five years ago. I could have got you out.

[Caller]

We overdid it.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, we do everything. Where are you guys? Where are you from?

[Caller]

Southern California.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, boy, that's going to be rough too. Where in the San Fernando Valley?

[Caller]

Encino.

[Adam Carolla]

Why? From Encino to Encino is a nice part of the San Fernando Valley.

[Caller]

Yes, it is.

[Adam Carolla]

So what, what did they do, discover you weren't Jewish and kick you out? I mean, they ask you politely to leave.

[Caller]

But no, I'm the only Jew that did get kicked out.

[Adam Carolla]

Obviously you're Jew because you grew up in Encino or you lived in Encino. Right. And was there some sort of exchange program? Yeah, where like people in Encino are like, what does a hick look like? And then the people in Houston, like, I've always wanted to meet a Jew, and you did some sort of thing, like when they. Like they do with hostages, like the Palestinians and the Israel in that. Get these motherfuckers out and get me some Jews.

[Caller]

My wife says I'm a redneck Jew now.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so you are Jewish?

[Caller]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. And you moved to Houston.

[Caller]

The wife is from Houston originally, and she wanted to come home.

[Adam Carolla]

So she's not Jewish?

[Caller]

No, she's not.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, Right, right. So the Encino part, that's the Jew part, that's you. And she's not. By the way, I will stop stereotyping when I'm wrong. I will stop when it's like, oh, she's from Houston. Okay, so she's not a Jew. Right, but you're from Encino. So you are a Jew. Absolutely. Everyone tells me, stop it. But I can't. I'm on a roll.

[Allison Rosen]

You were right this one time. See how it goes.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so, Steve. Yes, sir. She convinced you to move to Houston, but you hate Houston, right?

[Caller]

No, no, I don't. Although I do live Southern California.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. And you men, Encino is a really nice part of the town. Although there's north of the boulevard, there's south of the boulevard. North of the boulevard. That's the real Mason Dixon line.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, the yellow star that makes Steve.

[Adam Carolla]

Wear is pretty uncomfortable around Houston. Yeah. Where did you live? Were you south of the boulevard when you were in Encino?

[Caller]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. You moved from south of the boulevard.

[Allison Rosen]

Do you own his.

[Caller]

Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute. Well, you know where Encino park is?

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Caller]

Okay, well, Ventura Boulevard and Balboa in that area.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so kind of deep. Encino. But you were south of the boulevard.

[Caller]

Yes, sir.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow, she got you from south. You must be, well. Oh, all right. Your pussy left. Sorry. Stupid.

[Allison Rosen]

All right, do the.

[Adam Carolla]

Another good stereotype. All right, so anyway, you've done your. You've done your time in Houston. You may leave. I will not punish you if you choose to leave.

[Caller]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

But again, utility bill and something. Could be a receipt from a supermarket in the Houston area or something like that, circa 2006.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, like, you need two forms of ID to get, like, you know, certain things. You need two forms of proof that you live there.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, Steve.

[Caller]

Yes, sir.

[Adam Carolla]

Take care, buddy. Let's talk to. Can you guys explain to me something? I had to buy the mini cups of cream. Not the creamer, just the little milk ones.

[Allison Rosen]

Why?

[Adam Carolla]

Because I live with a human being who Likes French vanilla in her coffee.

[Allison Rosen]

So you had to buy the little.

[Bald Bryan]

Mini ones because he wants cream.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, guess what? We're never out of.

[Allison Rosen]

I was gonna say. Oh, the French vanilla.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Allison Rosen]

So there are bigger forms of the.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. But those go bad. And we're frequently come Monday mornings. Because there's nothing better when you're looking down the barrel of your drive to Huntington Beach Monday morning than getting the weird icebergs on the top of your coffee when you splash the water in or unscrewing the cap. You know they have the milk jug that has that little cap that you unscrew. And when you undo it, it goes. You're like, did a cow fart in there? Like it literally exhales and you go, oh, this can't be good. Can it be good?

[Bald Bryan]

It never is good when you're good.

[Adam Carolla]

And then you do you still do the ginger sniff, you know, that could be good.

[Allison Rosen]

Good. Ish.

[Adam Carolla]

It's got a little. Like it's turning a corner. Yeah. This time tomorrow, definitely gone. Like, this will be the next pours in the sink. But if you live with that person, I mean, it doesn't matter who it is. If their drink is scotch and your drink is vodka and they're in charge of going to the market, guess which you're never gonna run out of and guess which you're frequently gonna be out of, even though you're paying for both. That's human nature. Because you don't even. You know what the answer is? We're out of vodka. Got you. Bought you a 750 milliliter of it just six months ago. Yeah, that's what I drink. Yeah, it's not. Yeah, but I bought it back in April. It's like. Yeah, I know. It's gone. Okay, you're out. Yeah. Cuz it's not on there. It's not on the radar. So what I said is, Matt, go get me a bunch of those little cups that magically don't ever go bad, even though there's no exclamation date. Whoa.

[Bald Bryan]

They say you don't even have to refrigerate them, and yet they are dairy. How does it work?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know if there's some kind of mood stabilizer in there. No, it's good stuff.

[Allison Rosen]

Good night, everyone.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I don't. I just think. I know there's a stabilizer. I don't know what they're putting in there, but how do those things never go bad? And then why not? Just so I was just like, fuck it I can't have another depressing morning with the thing belching at me. When I open the milk thing. I'm gonna have those little cremette things in there.

[Allison Rosen]

Transportable too.

[Adam Carolla]

But what's in them? Because how can it just be all dairy? They don't taste weird, they don't have.

[Bald Bryan]

A flavor, they don't ever go bad. Maybe the fat content is so high that it can't go bad, especially when it's airtight.

[Allison Rosen]

But it does look bad, which enhances the mystery.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, but it takes a good long time.

[Allison Rosen]

As far as I know, there are no expiration dates. I think it actually says this product has no expiration date.

[Adam Carolla]

I think, anyway, some of them do. I've now cured my problem, theoretically. Mike. 40, Kansas City.

[Caller]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

What's going on?

[Caller]

Get it on.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, baby. What's happening?

[Caller]

Get it on. You're my mentor.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you.

[Caller]

Big, big fan. Allison Ball. You're the best.

[Adam Carolla]

Holla.

[Caller]

Hey. This is my problem. I was dating a girl from Iowa. We both went to school in Iowa. Iowa College in Iowa State and were dating. She graduated or I graduated and she stayed there and went to graduate school and I messed around and dated another girl.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, and you took your communications degree and we're out of there.

[Caller]

No. No computers.

[Adam Carolla]

What? Surfacing the fuck out of here. You in a dark room all day, alone, fucking with a mouse and a keypad. I don't buy it.

[Allison Rosen]

We'll go with your story.

[Caller]

Yeah. I went back home and I was looking for a job. And I found a girl when I was working at a hardware store.

[Adam Carolla]

You were looking for a blow job or are you looking for a job job?

[Caller]

No, just. Just looking for a job to pay the rent.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's. Let's skip ahead to the middle here. What'd you do to the girl?

[Caller]

Well, we had sex. And he had a little three year old.

[Adam Carolla]

And she had a what year old? Three.

[Caller]

Boy. She had a. A boy that was three years old.

[Adam Carolla]

You're fading in and out, Mike.

[Caller]

I'm sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so what did you do? What happened?

[Caller]

Well, I cheated on her. And then we got married two years later. And I never told her about her.

[Adam Carolla]

You never told your wife about the one. The person you've been cheating on. Cheating with? Yes.

[Caller]

The girl I met at the hardware store. The Payless Hardware Store in Kansas City.

[Adam Carolla]

Uh huh. And. And where's your wife now?

[Caller]

Well, we got married in 2001 and then she. We had a two year old in 2007.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. That's why I Said now because I wanted to hop back a decade and a half. Okay.

[Caller]

Sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

It's okay.

[Caller]

And she. She had. Got cancer in 2010 and died in 2012.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I feel like an accident.

[Allison Rosen]

Does it feel like a joke?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I do. So she died. So basically you had this affair, she never knew about it?

[Caller]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

And she died without ever knowing about it?

[Caller]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

That's good, right?

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, I think so. I mean, yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

It's the best possible outcome in this horrible situation.

[Bald Bryan]

You're lucky, man.

[Adam Carolla]

What if you just got to her on her hospital bed?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, that's.

[Adam Carolla]

And blurted that out at her?

[Caller]

That wouldn't be good.

[Adam Carolla]

No. Yeah. All right.

[Caller]

Can I tell anybody?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, look, the point is it's making you feel like shit, right?

[Caller]

Kind of.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Caller]

Yes, it is.

[Adam Carolla]

And she's got. And you have kids, right?

[Caller]

I have a seven year old, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. First off, the. You know, you gotta come clean. With the kids or with everyone else? Total bullshit. I wish my. My parents. I wish they never said a word to me. Well, they were close. They were close. But I mean, any of the fucking bizarre. Any of the fucking shit, it's like. It's like saying you deserve to watch your parents fuck like. No, you don't. It happens. They engage in it, you understand? But you don't need to see it. Your daughter never, ever, ever needs to know about this. Right.

[Caller]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Caller]

Never tell her about it.

[Adam Carolla]

No. Because. No. Here. With her friends.

[Allison Rosen]

What?

[Caller]

Never tell her friends or anybody.

[Adam Carolla]

Tell her in her circle, but don't tell her. It'll never get back to her. And wait till they're nine or so.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Post on her Facebook page.

[Bald Bryan]

There's no kid that came to this.

[Caller]

No, I'm talking about my wife's friend.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, wife. No, look here, look. Good. Here's the thing. Did anything come of this affair? Any children?

[Caller]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, here's the. Okay, you're. This. All right, this is a good point. Hold on a second. This thing where people like, oh, it's weighing on me. I have to tell the truth. The truth shall set you free. It may set you free. It's going to be an anchor on the person you tell it to. We make way, way too much in this society. Almost like when you see those reality shows and there's a sassy black chick going, I speak my mind. People have trouble with it, but it's like, shut the fuck up. Speaking your mind, telling the truth. We ascribe it as such glorious attributes. Not really.

[Bald Bryan]

You have to take it case by case because it can Be you giving yourself license to hurt someone's feelings.

[Adam Carolla]

And you are fucking with somebody for the extent of their life. And the girl's gonna resent the shit out of you, Especially, she loved Mama. And there's that little part of being a parent where your kid should look up to you because a lot of it is they should feel safe. They should feel like Daddy could beat up any burglar who broke into this house. And Mama's the best mom in the world, and Mama's gone. Dad is going to take care of me because he's Superman. You know, later on, you realize they had foibles like everyone else, but when they're a kid, especially you want them to. Parents should feel powerful and like nothing's ever going to happen to you as long as, you know, it's on my watch and that kind of thing. So do not burden them with this. I would say. Did your wife have a charity or something she was interested in?

[Caller]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

What was that?

[Caller]

Lung cancer. Lung cancer.

[Allison Rosen]

Research support.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, there are two lungs, so I understand. He did the left and the right. All right. Yes. All right. So in order to redeem yourself, I need you to work with that charity. You do not tell. Why don't you jog? I don't like the. I'm pissed that the, you know, the 10k turned into the 5k turned into the walk turned into the ride. Pretty soon it's just gonna be, go ahead and drag me for charity.

[Allison Rosen]

Just show up and hang out. Maybe we'll raise some money, maybe we won't.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm going to be in a military cot. You're going to hoist it over. I probably won't wake up for it. But you sponsor me anyway.

[Caller]

I have to walk anyway.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I need you jogging. No, riding a bike. I need at least a 10k. And speaking of 10k, that'll be the amount you need to raise. Wow. Not in one event. You do it over the course.

[Allison Rosen]

As long as it takes.

[Adam Carolla]

As long as it takes. And when you get to $10,000, you'll be absolved of your sins.

[Caller]

Good deal.

[Adam Carolla]

And don't tell anybody but us.

[Caller]

I won't.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Thanks, Mike. There you go. All right. It'll be symbolic when he gets to that $10,000 mark.

[Allison Rosen]

Great bet, Chris.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, Nice. So far.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm totally bummed out.

[Adam Carolla]

I feel energized. Scott, 29, Chicago.

[Caller]

Ace, man. Get it on.

[Adam Carolla]

Going on.

[Caller]

Well, I'm kind of the opposite of the last guy as far as the honesty thing goes, so I wait hold.

[Adam Carolla]

On, hold on a second. Just to break that up, I want to just talk to line five and then I'll hop back to you, so you hang on. Scott, Mike, 26, Chicago base. Man, what's going on, man?

[Caller]

Well, this is definitely similar in weight to the last caller I was this morning. I farted in the shower. Only that shower was the showers at my gym. It was not good.

[Allison Rosen]

This is a stirring tribute to the last caller's dead wife.

[Adam Carolla]

How many folks were in that shower? A lot.

[Caller]

This was the morning rush, like before work. Got to get it in, crowd a lot of middle aged men.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm not going to come down too hard on Mike because I feel like if, you know, ass crack and back sack and gas and B.O. and stuff is not in the cards for you. Stay away from the fucking valleys at rush hour, you know what I mean? That's what. When you go into the communal shower.

[Allison Rosen]

You gotta know what to expect.

[Adam Carolla]

Abso fucking lutely. And plus, I'm a huge fan of farting, so.

[Bald Bryan]

But what is it with the showers that they just like potentiate your farts?

[Allison Rosen]

Porcelain?

[Caller]

Yeah, it was bad. It's like you lose that fabric, you don't realize how much you rely on that until you let out a nasty methane laced shower part.

[Adam Carolla]

Also that steam rising, it's the opposite. But as bad as the cock cloud that we spoke of.

[Allison Rosen]

It weaponizes the.

[Adam Carolla]

It weaponizes it and it lifts it up. Yeah. So Mike, while something, you know, that was not necessarily fair to your fellow shower mates. I like farting so much. And again, it's the gym. It's a cornucopia of funky dude smells in that locker room. This is just one of them. I'm going to give you a pass on this one. I'd tell you to drop and give me 20, but you're the kind of guy who'd probably benefit from that and look forward to it.

[Allison Rosen]

Let's go to the gym.

[Adam Carolla]

Anyway, your punishment is you have to have a donut.

[Caller]

Wow, that's gonna be tough. But I'm glad I called. Really turned my day around. That's stern but fair.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you, Mike. Enjoy that donut. All right.

[Allison Rosen]

Tough but fair.

[Adam Carolla]

Last but not least, Scott, 29. Yeah. All right. What'd you do?

[Caller]

Okay, so I had a girlfriend when I was a teenager. Ish. And it went from girlfriend to. We ended up just eventually just being buddies. And so that kind of went on throughout the years and we each had, you know, girlfriends, boyfriends, whatever. So she had a boyfriend for a number of years. That was kind of one of those on and off relationships where if you ask them, you know, they were in a relationship, but yet they would still go and see other people anyway, so here I am on the side being the buddy, get really drunk one night, go out with her, do our thing, go back. I get a call from her many weeks later asking if we had sex that night. And I kind of figured out what she was asking, and I said no right away. I had the wherewithal to say that. And she said, oh, well, because I'm pregnant and I don't know who the dad is. And I was like, oh, well, we definitely didn't have sex that night.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, by the way, did we have sex that night? You know, nine weeks later, it's pregnant, someone's got herpes, there's some rape allegations. Like, no, it's just the first thing that should come out here, default to no.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Caller]

Yeah, right. So at least I had the brains to say that. So, anyway, it turns out, yeah, she was pregnant and she had a kid. And so I'm friends with her on Facebook. And this was many years ago, and I've seen the kid grow up on Facebook, and I can see it looking very, very much like me. And I know for a fact.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I thought that it, too, but then I realized he. If he said the name, it'd be weird, too.

[Allison Rosen]

I saw a little Johnny Jr. Mm.

[Caller]

So, yeah, okay, so she had it narrowed down between me, another guy, and then her, like, her steady boyfriend. She made the other guy get a DNA test because she was sure with him. It came back negative. And for some reason, she never thought to DNA test me because I lived miles away at that point. So she just assumed that it was the steady boyfriend, never thought to get him a DNA test. So then there they are, living their happy lives, a kid together. That's mine, basically, and never said a word.

[Bald Bryan]

But you aren't sure it's yours, right?

[Caller]

Well, the whole thing. The only reason that makes me think that I'm sure that it's mine is during the time that I slept with her, her and that boyfriend were in, like, a really bad fight. And the fight was going on for, like, months. So they weren't even, like, living together or sleeping together or anything. That's why she had me and this other guy that got DNA tested narrowed down because she was sleeping, like, with us, and she.

[Adam Carolla]

Narrow. Yeah, and she narrowed it down to that. That night, that day, or that weekend or whatever it is that got that.

[Caller]

That time period within A week or so. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. You have to see the movie kindergarten cop 128 times in a row. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Ooh, Harsh, harsh sentence. It's not a bad movie. It's just 128 times.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm just thinking about Schwarzenegger. Oh, you know what I mean? There's a lot of parallels here.

[Allison Rosen]

I like how you went with a movie that's gonna get annoying after about 10 or 12 because it's not bad.

[Bald Bryan]

You feel like it could hold up for 10 or 12 straight watchings.

[Allison Rosen]

If you're looking at looking down the barrel of 128, you're like five or six in. You're like, it's a fun movie. I'm enjoying this.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. But as you start getting in, inching toward triple digits. Well, now, Scott, how do you feel? Because in a weird way, your punishment is every time you go to that Facebook page, Right?

[Caller]

It's not really a punishment because I don't have a kid and I don't want a kid, so that's good for me.

[Adam Carolla]

But let's say you possess the soul.

[Caller]

But I don't, so it's working out great.

[Adam Carolla]

Adam, by the way, why does God. How come the guys who don't possess a soul or conscience have amazing jizz and are repaid with fuck buddies? Something good, decent males could never really pull off?

[Allison Rosen]

Hey, I gotta break my boyfriend.

[Adam Carolla]

So God's like, you're soulless. I am gonna bury you in pussy until you've learned your lesson. But there's never any lesson learned. It's just off to the next fuck buddy.

[Allison Rosen]

Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

But maybe his punishment is being him.

[Bald Bryan]

I bet he has a fine time being him.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You don't know it, but you're secretly miserable.

[Caller]

No, I'm doing okay.

[Adam Carolla]

See, I told you. You don't know.

[Allison Rosen]

That's what a miserable say.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't know it. Mm.

[Allison Rosen]

Scott, how many fuck buddies currently?

[Caller]

Currently zero. Because I'm in a long term relationship.

[Allison Rosen]

See? Miserable.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Bryan]

That poor girl.

[Adam Carolla]

And you have no feelings about siring a child and that child growing up without you?

[Caller]

I feel relief.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. I know that feeling. But no feelings of guilt or despondent or anything like that?

[Caller]

No, not really.

[Adam Carolla]

No different than what would your dad do? Did he sell something for a living?

[Caller]

No, he was a assembly worker for his whole life. Where'd he work for power plants, Ahao and gm.

[Adam Carolla]

And how did you become solas? I'm interested.

[Caller]

Hmm. Well, if you're bringing the dad thing into it, he haven't Seen him since I was 7.

[Adam Carolla]

Is that part of the equation starting to make sense? Yeah, I think you called a negative cycle. He split when you were 7 and had no more contact with the family.

[Caller]

Divorce. And then it was kind of like, well, free of that situation. So I guess you could call that similar.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I would. And by the way, the.

[Allison Rosen]

You didn't treat your mom so well and seems like it's a pattern.

[Adam Carolla]

Why do we not understand this? That when young guys grow up in this environment that they sort of replicate. We do understand the positive part. Right. Like we go, young men need good role models in order to. Yeah, okay, so we just fucking mimic. Right. So when we get the good role model, then we mimic that, but when we get the bad role model, we don't mimic that. Or it just turns out this college.

[Bald Bryan]

Kid is farting in a shower right now.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. It just turns into a fucking horrible cycle. And if you can get enough of those people together, you have a downward spiral and a whole bunch of fucking crime and poverty. Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

Here's a silver lining. That kid's growing up in a committed relationship. Dad figured he cares about him, so, you know, well, that ends well.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Caller]

I would make a terrible dad. So I guess that's for the better.

[Adam Carolla]

That's true. And your price was paid. Like the Jew that was forced to move to Houston because he was pussy whipped. You paid your price when you were seven, crying by the window and watching your dad pull the Buick out of the driveway for the last time.

[Caller]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. All right, listen, I can do time served, right? Well, this is a time served situation.

[Allison Rosen]

The kid's mom is still a whore. But there's nothing we can do about.

[Adam Carolla]

That that we cannot correct. But she can call in next week. All right.

[Caller]

Thanks, Ace.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Scott don't have any kids.

[Allison Rosen]

Why is it. Thanks, Ace? I feel like we all helped him.

[Adam Carolla]

He's emotionless. What can he say?

[Allison Rosen]

All right, good bit, Chris.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, man, we're all going to kill ourselves. Where was I? Ah, on it's back. Inspiring peak performance. Unique products, expertise from professional athletes and doctors based on the latest science and research. I talked to these guys. I'll tell you one thing. Remember I said to you guys, we flew to San Antonio. We were at the airport in the morning. We flew on a plane, had a couple of peanuts and a couple of pretzels and then straight to the roach motel. And then, well, we stayed at the motel. From no country for Old Men.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, I was thinking the exact same thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Spruced up version of that place. And for me, it was straight off to the liquor store specs and then it was straight to the gig. And I was standing and signing, staring down the barrel of our 90 minute show. Feeling a little wobbly, feeling I need a little protein in my system. I hadn't eaten anything.

[Allison Rosen]

You needed Mangria all day.

[Adam Carolla]

I need Mangria. No, I was handing that out. We've got just me or everybody. We have Bollywood. We have all sorts of stuff. We'll do that right after this. It's time to check Adam's voicema. Ace. Man. How's it going? I've heard you mention your prodigious ball sack on occasion, and I'm a man with a pretty prodigious sack myself. I've done some equations. I'm working with approximately 75 to 80 square inches of ball sack. Wondering what Corolla's packing underneath this hood there. You can leave us a message at 888-634-1744.

[Allison Rosen]

It's cool that Barack Obama listens.

[Adam Carolla]

I haven't measured the actual, you know, footage of the sack. Probably medium sized RV cover, I'm guessing.

[Allison Rosen]

Conservative estimate.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I had this moment, Brian. I don't know. I know Dawson's never had this moment. He's got a lot of dick pics. But there are times when your cock and your sack are sort of heading different directions.

[Allison Rosen]

Meaning what spiritual your sack is.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. We've agreed to disagree.

[Allison Rosen]

Our separate ways.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

To buy up our assets. Assets.

[Bald Bryan]

It's like when you get a toe cramp and one toe's on top of the other and they're both going different ways.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. It's like you're. It's sort of like your balls are making a run toward the carpet and your cock's trying to hide inside your abdomen. Like they're just days when your cock's not what it could be and your balls are really making a move. Really, really swinging low in terms of.

[Allison Rosen]

In terms of girth, in terms of just being there.

[Adam Carolla]

Robustness.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's right.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. Okay.

[Bald Bryan]

Presence, charisma.

[Adam Carolla]

It's never good to get a shot of yourself in the mirror when they're sort of heading opposite directions because it really. When the. When the sack is dwarfing the junk. That's bad.

[Allison Rosen]

You know, I feel like that happens to be the most is after I work out. Like, I do any kind of, like, you know, stairmaster, any kind of thing where I'm sliding.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Maybe it is. Maybe I was skipping rope or Something the other day, and I got a shot of myself in the full length mirror with the ball in full effect.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, the balls are in the penis.

[Adam Carolla]

Not in dick pic form at all.

[Allison Rosen]

Not dick pic ready.

[Adam Carolla]

And it's really not what you're looking for because it's. It's my silver dollar for scale kind of thing. Except for this was the opposite of that. Just not what you want. And then I thought as a male, the things that continue to grow. It's pretty much your ears, your nose and your balls. Biceps shrivel up and go away. Cock doesn't make a fucking move. But your balls and your ears and your nose just keep going, Keep going. And I just thought, you know, how fucking far back on the list of things? Like, here's a list of things you want to keep growing. I'd rather have my fucking eyelids keep growing than my nose and my balls and my ears. They're really. I just want to. I want no movement in any of those fucking things. And they keep going.

[Bald Bryan]

A good idiom for someone who's old would be, he's getting a little long in the balls. Why don't they say that?

[Adam Carolla]

They should. And no woman has ever went like, man, that guy's not. Wasn't attractive. But then I got a shot of his huge ears, huge ball sack and huge schnoz. Now he's changed my mind. Like, no, there's no. There's only. Your ears can only be too big. Your nose can only be too big, and your ball sack can only be too big. It's the three things we don't need. Biceps and triceps and shoulders and cock. And all the other stuff could just keep going, but it never. It never works that way.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, it's all the stuff you don't want to keep.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

Producing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. So here you go. Your hair starts falling out, but your fucking ears start growing. And then you start growing hair from your ears. Yeah. Fucking sad.

[Allison Rosen]

All right, we should all guys get it figured out.

[Adam Carolla]

Everyone just kill yourself. Your 45th birthday. Dodge the bullet by not dodging that bullet. All right, let's see, where were we? Ah, should we play Just me or everyone? Just me or everyone? Yes.

[Bald Bryan]

All right, so this, we've done this before once on this show. This is a segment that I do regularly on my show, and it's where people tweet in things that they think or do. And they wonder, is it just me or everyone? So Tony Dacoste says, ever wear a t shirt, like a pair of pants to the washroom in the middle of the night because you're too tired to look for your underwear. Just me or everyone?

[Allison Rosen]

Is this a dorm room situation? Why are you not just going naked?

[Bald Bryan]

Perhaps it is. Or a roommate situation. Yeah, apartment situation. Well, I've never done this. I have done the thing where I get out of the shower and then like today I was expecting my landlord to ring the doorbell at any minute and I thought I heard her because there's someone who needs to come fix a light. So I actually put on. I had just worked out. And I quickly put on my dirty workout clothes after I'd showered just so that I would be. So I wouldn't be answering the door in a towel. It's not the same, but similar.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, how do you wear a T shirt down there?

[Allison Rosen]

Do you stick your legs to the armholes?

[Bald Bryan]

I believe that is in your sack.

[Allison Rosen]

Through the neck hole.

[Bald Bryan]

That's how you do it.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't feel like it's gonna work at all for a guy like cross those panties, thighs. I mean, I've done these sort of.

[Allison Rosen]

Or fashioned like a diaper, I suppose.

[Adam Carolla]

All sounds like more work than putting on some shorts or towel. Yeah, I think that's just him. Is that Tony?

[Bald Bryan]

That's Tony.

[Adam Carolla]

Tony. It's just.

[Allison Rosen]

You never done that.

[Adam Carolla]

Never.

[Bald Bryan]

Nobody J Mos and bobos says. And I do appreciate that Twitter name. Inspired by the bit I always hold my breath while fast forwarding through commercials. No, I don't do that.

[Allison Rosen]

Maybe when I was a kid, held my breath through tunnels, you know what I mean, on road trips. But never, never the commercials.

[Adam Carolla]

I did the tunnel thing too. Although I talked to somebody about it and they were like, huh? It was you, Alison.

[Bald Bryan]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

Who was the person that was surprised? And I was like, what do you mean? Everyone does that.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And they're like, no. Never heard of it.

[Allison Rosen]

I figured it was a common thing.

[Bald Bryan]

I think it is a common thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Allison Rosen]

As judged by three people in this room also.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Yes. All right. So that's. We abide by. But holding your breath while fast forwarding through commercials.

[Bald Bryan]

No, I don't fast forward through commercials nearly as much as I could. And for me, it's because I have that nervousness that I'm gonna go too far and that's irreversible. I find fast forward. Well, if you're watching Jeopardy, it can put you in jeopardy. I find fast forwarding to be a pretty tension filled activity for me. It's weird.

[Adam Carolla]

I. I've had a couple things. Two things. And you fast forward and I always stop and jump back a little too far and watch the end of by the way, you want to know the most annoying commercial there is?

[Allison Rosen]

I'd like to hear your version.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, the auto. First off, how many fucking auto insurance commercials do you see in a lifetime versus how often do you switch whopping carriers? Like, I feel I've been never tempted.

[Bald Bryan]

I just figure it must be a scam.

[Adam Carolla]

I feel like the average human being 28.7 times a day either sees a commercial, passes a billboard for, or here's a radio spot for automotive insurance. And it's not, you know, I understand if you're a restaurant because every weekend Brian Christie are thinking of a new place to go out and try out or whatever. And sometimes you do see one of those commercials or hear one of those commercials and you go, Ruth Christie, that sounds like it hit the spot about now. But never with auto insurance. No, I don't feel like I even have any relationship with. I have auto insurance. That's as far as it goes. I don't use it, I pay it. I'm not even sure what the. But the monthly amount is and it is what it is.

[Bald Bryan]

And if you were going to switch, would you be tempted to go with the one that you just saw a commercial for? I don't think I would.

[Allison Rosen]

The General seems like a cool dude.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I was going to say. The General is the fucking most annoying computer graphic auto thing. And also, why does a guy with an old salty guy with a big mustache who's a four star general. What the fuck does that have to do with cars?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, I agree.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like if you took all the fucking commercials I've seen for auto insurance and combined them at the end of my life, it would take up 11 years of my fucking life of constantly watching auto commercials. But then there's a part of you that goes, well, obviously they're making money because you're seeing thousands of spots.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, they're legally, you're legally mandated to have auto insurance. So of course there's going to be, you're going to start seeing this, by the way, with health care commercials within a year or two, just because now everyone's mandated to have it. You're going to start seeing maybe not quite the flippancy of the general and flow and stuff, but you start to see that.

[Bald Bryan]

But it's a good question. Who is, who is tempted to get a certain auto insurance because they see it on tv?

[Adam Carolla]

I'll tell you what I would do with low and the General.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, no.

[Adam Carolla]

I will make this deal with you two ass wives. I will switch my car over to the General, and I will switch my wife's car over to the Flow. In exchange, I don't want to see your ass for a decade. How about that?

[Allison Rosen]

But that's. We could opt out of the commercials you already have, you know, you already subscribed to.

[Adam Carolla]

Wouldn't that be. That would be such a fucking awesome chip for your television. All you have to do is prove that you swipe your credit card or provide whatever. I have already maxed out on this fucking product. You now must remove it from my view.

[Allison Rosen]

I would get Geico. In that case. I would actually switch.

[Adam Carolla]

I would. I would put my fucking dad's car in GEICO just to save myself. And by the way, I'd buy fucking case of Douche and whatever fucking pain pill where it does. You know the one where it's like, well, Bob's got a bad back now. Bob could take 128Advil or he could take half an alief for a year. Like, they show him, pouring them out into his hands. You know, I don't. I don't. There's no. I don't know what the batting average with commercials are, but I don't look at any of it and go, give me some of that. Like, the only ones to me that really work are fast food, pizza and shit like that. Where you're fucking sitting around and you're seeing that KFC bucket and you go.

[Bald Bryan]

Like the red velvet cake with the.

[Adam Carolla]

Penis next to the cops. That's right. Yes. So I've seen the general 5,000 times. I've seen Flo 250,000 times. Totally ubiquitous. Oh, the brother from Allstate. Nonstop with him.

[Allison Rosen]

Dennis Hayesburg, President Palmer.

[Adam Carolla]

I will put my fucking mom's car on that shit if you would just please let me up for some fucking air.

[Allison Rosen]

I'll fucking sue someone from mesothelioma.

[Adam Carolla]

Just.

[Bald Bryan]

I'll do it all, you know, what you never see.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me breathe.

[Bald Bryan]

Remember Nuprin? Little yellow difference.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Bald Bryan]

Nupron. It was a painkiller. I wonder what happened to it.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't. I don't know, but I would have at the time. I would have signed up for a case of that, too.

[Bald Bryan]

All right. And lastly, Stacy Richardson says, just mirror everyone on a hot day have trouble deciding between parking in the sun, close to the store, or far away in the shade. Yes. I find, in general, this whole thing of trying to get a close parking Spot. I waste time doing it. And then I think, why? I don't mind walking. It's good to walk. Why am I. Why am I stuck here trying to wait for a spot that's going to open up close to the store?

[Adam Carolla]

Couple things. Stacy, I don't know where she's calling or tweeting in from, but you know, out here, you're not. You take any spot that will take you.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

So there's a report in a storm. Right. There's not a lot of. I don't want the shade or the walk. It's just anything. Anything that opens up, you are going to be when you leave the store, schlepping shit. So you got to factor that into your walk back to your car. But I'm a big shade guy. I love the shade. And I grew up in a house that had no garage and no carport or anything. And the cars would just get bleached out and sunblasted and turned to a fucking kiln. And as I've said, I will. The next car I buy. And don't fucking tweet me and tell me the Prius has it. The fucking Prius doesn't have it. I want to carve fucking air conditioning while I'm not in it.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay? Cool down the car.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a super. It's easily. It's easily worked out. It is a pump. It's a pump that would have to run off a motor. They have them on electric vehicles. Obviously, pure electric vehicles do not have internal combustion engines. They don't have a crank. You can't turn the air conditioning pump off. It. It must turn off a motor. What I am saying to you is that my mom drives a 1995 Volvo station wagon that's completely sunblasted with the fucking paint coming off. And the weird bead thing where the seat thing is. I don't know why people want to sit on fucking beads.

[Bald Bryan]

Sounds uncomfortable.

[Adam Carolla]

The weird bead seat liner thing. It's like, I think the folks in Sweden knew what they were doing when they designed the seat. Why must you put a fucking wooden bead up your ass? When she takes that car to the Costco in Burbank and parks it outside in July. And P. Diddy takes his fucking Bentley and parks it next to her car. When they climb into the car at the end of shopping at Costco, they're the exact same temperature inside. One car is $300,000, the other is $3,500. Why is that?

[Bald Bryan]

Arguably, the Volvo is even cooler. Because I think the Beads don't radiate the heat.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. They don't radiate the heat. Why not have a fucking pump? It's literally just a pump that turns the air and will turn on auxiliary. Look, it's going to cost more, but the car's 300 grand. I'd rather have that than the umbrella. That's putting the door jam.

[Allison Rosen]

Dropping the bucket. For someone who's in the market for that kind of car.

[Adam Carolla]

I think if you gave most people the choice of paying an extra four grand or twelve grand or whatever it is, once you get up to that over 100 grand thing of climbing into a cool car.

[Allison Rosen]

Agreed.

[Adam Carolla]

Versus just climbing in a fucking kiln or any place.

[Allison Rosen]

Houston, this place is hot, right?

[Adam Carolla]

The. The irony is I got a really nice Jag Jag. Let me drive it around for a year. I don't own it, but it's a beautiful Jaguar. I go to the shittiest places in Los Angeles as the car sits out in fucking Tustin all day. And it's parked amongst either stolen and dumped cars or gardener's trucks. But when I climb into it, it's a fucking kiln every goddamn time. And all I want is some fucking circulation. But it could do the air. Look, I don't know how to do it. Work a timer out. Work something out, whatever it is, but work that pump. Work the auxiliary bathroom. Bathroom. Work the auxiliary battery and work the air. Smart.

[Allison Rosen]

Just me or everyone? How about this? I think it is just me in terms of parking. Whenever I get into a parking lot at a place like a Trader Joe's or a Target or whatever, immediately to the front. Because I feel like most people think like Allison, which just people think that way, which is I'm going to grab the first spot I see and not going to even try, I go right to the front. Because I think most people think I'm gonna grab the first spot and they're not even looking.

[Bald Bryan]

No one's competing for this.

[Adam Carolla]

You have a handicap placard?

[Allison Rosen]

I do, but I don't use it for handicap spots.

[Adam Carolla]

What, do you do it just to cut coke?

[Allison Rosen]

That's right. No, I use it for parking meters. It's free at meters.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, it is?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And permitted parking, too.

[Allison Rosen]

What does that mean? Like, if you're in a neighborhood where it's, like, only permanent? Oh, yeah, yeah. If it's one of those crazy eight sign things. Fuck.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on. I didn't sign off on giving the gimps a free ride when it comes to the meters. Oh, yeah, you get everything? Yeah, it's a pass to be a scoff.

[Allison Rosen]

Law parking scoff.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna fucking throw myself down a stairwell. Are you shitting me?

[Bald Bryan]

So you never ever have to put money in meters. You lucky bastard. With answer.

[Allison Rosen]

You're lucky guy.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, wait a second.

[Allison Rosen]

Lucky me.

[Adam Carolla]

What the. Hold on a second.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm really ahead in life.

[Adam Carolla]

You're winning. Hold on. I'm angry now.

[Allison Rosen]

Why are you angry?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, first off, why aren't you using the parking that's in the front of the.

[Allison Rosen]

I do not need that parking. That's for people in wheelchairs and like, people who need to be there.

[Bald Bryan]

And those head is exploding, Brian.

[Adam Carolla]

I can't figure out. First off. All right, commendable. Okay, Number one.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, it's just common sense.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, but here's the thing. First off, there's a bunch of Beverly Hills divorcees who've had too many plastic surgery jobs and they had a Botox problem, who have fucking. Those placards are parking everywhere. There's USC tailbacks who've commandeered those things.

[Allison Rosen]

But okay, all right.

[Adam Carolla]

Parking everywhere. Everybody can fucking get their hands on those things. Just uses them so the doctor doesn't.

[Allison Rosen]

Have to like prescribe it to you. It's not service, doctor.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, no, I know. But people will cheat the system where they can, and this is one of the places they can and they'll look. I see guys climb out of Corvettes that are fucking totally able bodied and parked right in the middle that handicapped space. So everyone does a lot.

[Allison Rosen]

They're going to hell.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. A lot of people do that. And I respect what you're doing, but I would also argue. And again, out of respect, this is awesome. But there always seems like there's eight handicapped parking spaces available. I never see the guy in the custom van circling, waiting for the handicapped person to pull out. Do you?

[Bald Bryan]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

Seeing it. I would. If I were you, I would say, A, this is legitimate. And B, if I thought the guy in the van with the special lift was gonna pull up and have to go park in the back of the lot, I definitely wouldn't do it. But since that's not gonna happen, since there always seems to be more spaces than there are handicapped people, whether it's the Trader Joe's or the Home Depot.

[Bald Bryan]

Why are you taking the spots away from us?

[Allison Rosen]

Brian Anderson said the exact same thing. He's like, why are you not using the space that's designated for you? And I was like, I just can't do that. Good Conscience I can't do. Doesn't feel right.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, okay, that's great.

[Allison Rosen]

I mean, you guys know that I do have a limp. And I'm still trying to get back to you. Back to zero, so to speak. Before.

[Adam Carolla]

Listen, I am not one for first. I'm not one of these assholes who's like, you could be on unemployment. You're a fucking idiot for not collecting unemployment. I'm like, good for you. You're here.

[Allison Rosen]

People saying that to me about. But like a long time ago. Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

As someone who's never collected unemployment, I look at that as a good thing. And then people go, you earned that. That's your money. And I was like, okay. But I understand.

[Allison Rosen]

Personally, I don't have a disability. Like, yeah, I'd like to get back to work someday. That's the ultimate goal.

[Adam Carolla]

That is insanely refreshing. So that's great. But I would like my money on the meter.

[Allison Rosen]

You want me to give you the money that I've saved over the years?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I don't think anyone pays as much in taxes as I do, so would only make sense to give it to me.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, that's liberating. Has not ever carried change. But why just give it away?

[Adam Carolla]

The free ride on the meters? Because, see the one, the parking.

[Allison Rosen]

You know why?

[Adam Carolla]

Parking spot makes sense to me? That's like you need to pull up front and there needs to be access and you need to be closed. But the other part is you're driving, you're going somewhere. Why? Why not this?

[Allison Rosen]

Because the meters are usually outside of businesses. And thus, if you are going to be there longer than an hour, you're like, well, I got to go park down the way around the corner, half a mile away. And that's discouraging people with a handicap from parking where they park, where anyone else could park.

[Adam Carolla]

If the guy in the van with the lift and the whatever.

[Allison Rosen]

What?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's gonna take you 10 minutes to get in and out of the van and all that stuff. All right, I'm going for that. Plus, the person that wrote the ticket to the person with the placard. If and the meter expired would go to hell. It's there to spare them as well.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, you can't.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Boy, Brian, I'm impressed.

[Allison Rosen]

Why would you expect anything? I mean, seriously, why would you expect anything less? That's just not a nice thing. Or not even nice.

[Bald Bryan]

Because he doesn't think that highly of.

[Adam Carolla]

You, so it's right. No, but you look out for yourself pretty good.

[Bald Bryan]

I was making a joke. I didn't know it was gonna.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't think that's true. Okay, whatever. I think I'm pretty considerate person. I bring treats for everyone.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm laughing with you. No, I don't know. I don't. I don't think I know anybody who would not occupy that spot if they had a legitimate placard.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, it never occurred to me. I mean, it's occurred to me, of course, like, oh, look at all those spots.

[Adam Carolla]

But no, Gary's calling himself a hero. He wants to chime in and call.

[Bald Bryan]

Why did you have one?

[Adam Carolla]

A friend left in my car, and I had it for a couple.

[Allison Rosen]

For like two months. I thought they had a surgery or something.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, well, I stand corrected. Saying. No, what I'm saying is. All right, didn't I say legitimately got one? All right, my bad. Okay. No, that's what I'm saying. I'm saying you've got it. Well, you know what I'm saying. Through legitimate means. And also.

[Allison Rosen]

And I would prescribe to me a doctor full on. Yeah. Did the.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I'll tell you what I would do. I would base it loosely on just how much. How crowded it was back there, but also how many spots were open toward the front. And Alison's right. You're taking spots away from able bodied people now.

[Allison Rosen]

I know. Now I feel like a jerk. Well, that is reevaluate.

[Bald Bryan]

Let's say you can't find a parking spot, but there are a few handicap spaces in front. Then will you take one if you're having trouble finding a spot in as.

[Allison Rosen]

Much as that situation has occurred in my life? No.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Allison Rosen]

I've circled half a dozen times before I found a couple of spots.

[Adam Carolla]

You are. You are. That. That is noted.

[Allison Rosen]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

That is noted, Brian.

[Allison Rosen]

All right. One. The Good call.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's right. That's right. I'm. I like to think of myself as that kind of person, but I'm also pragmatic in that if I saw open spots, multiple open spots, I would go, well, though, be a spot open. Yes, yes.

[Allison Rosen]

In the tail end of when I really did. I was. I was parking in handicapped spots when I was on the walker. You know what I mean? When Christie was driving me and towards the tail end of that, like, when I was just starting to get better enough to get off the walker, There were plenty of times where it was like. And I was just starting to drive myself, and there was plenty of times where I would see a dozen handicap spots and be like, a dozen handicapped people. Aren't gonna show up and take one of those. But there was like a dividing line where it was like, I'm driving myself. It was like a get back to work slash, you know, versus disability thing. It was like, this is a line in the sand. Myself.

[Adam Carolla]

I like to. Let me pause this theory, which is gonna take a little way, a little away from the hero status, but it's going to beef you up in another department.

[Allison Rosen]

It's got a break.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I think what. Brian, part of what you're doing is what everyone should do, which is don't walk around with that mantle of victim or handicapped or unemployable or whatever it is. That thing of the second you start taking those places or collecting your unemployment or taking the government cheese or whatever your version. Whatever the version of that is, that's a little bit of a slippery slope. You start to sort of become that person. And I'm guessing that part of this decision, which is a great thing, is you saying, I'm not that person. I'm going to push through this. I mean, I have this. I've been stricken with this. But that's not gonna turn me into a non civilian or I'm not so different than the guy who's parked over here.

[Allison Rosen]

It was that. It was. Yeah. It was part of my recovery where I looked at it like, I'm able to walk on my own without this walker. I'm able to drive myself again. I'm able to go back to work and be part of the package.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. And so you.

[Allison Rosen]

Part of that is. I don't need to park in a handicap spot.

[Adam Carolla]

You pulling in a place with the blue guy in the wheelchair is a.

[Allison Rosen]

Knocks you back a peg.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, I don't. Very good. And why aren't most. Why don't more people and sometimes the government, why don't they know that about themselves? Like, don't start.

[Allison Rosen]

It's seductive. It's a. It's a. It's a warm bed. It's a. I understand it. It's. It.

[Adam Carolla]

No, look, I say it all the time. It's the thing where it's like I have. It's. It's. It's the. It's the rent control thing. I have the people who. I have the friend who lives in Santa Monica. It's like I'm right off Ocean boulevard. I pay 628 bucks a month. I've been here for 27 years. I can't move. Why should I move? I'll never get this. You think you can live on the ocean for $6.28 a month. I'm like, I can see the ocean from here for $6.28 a month. Yeah, you're 50. You moved in when you were 24. Anyone else would have said got tired of paying the rent, bought a place in the Valley, maybe sold that place, made a little coin on that, moved over to the west side. Whatever it is, you're stuck because somebody gave you this fucking thing that you thought was a gift, but it's really a curse. If you raise the minimum wage to 15 bucks, the guy at the McDonald's is never getting out of the McDonald's. It feels good. Like it's great. Like I can make a living at McDonald's. But now you're making a living at a McDonald's. Now you're 41 and you're at a McDonald's. You don't want to be at a McDonald's. Everybody had a shitty job that paid nothing for Gary. It's this job. But what I'm saying is you wanted to get the fuck out of there. Like, I worked at McDonald's. I want to go home. I want it out. I swear to God, they'd given me a good chunk of change, I think I would have hung out.

[Allison Rosen]

There's stages in your life. One, the McDonald's stage or whatever have you. That's the job you have and you want to move on and get out of it. And there's, you know, stage in my life was when I was legitimately, you know, needed a handicap spot and I wanted to move out of that spot in my life.

[Adam Carolla]

I wanted to go on to the next stage, symbolically. Yeah, nice work. Nice work. All right, let's get the news. Oh, Jesus. Let's put a cap on that for a second. Get a story fired up. Let's see. DraftKings, baby. My listeners winning huge cash [e-mail] America's favorite one week fantasy football site. No season long commitment. Play whenever you want. Injured player, no problem. It's like a new season every week. Bald.

[Allison Rosen]

I doubled up.

[Adam Carolla]

Can do.

[Allison Rosen]

I doubled up. I doubled up. I had a win this week. Like I said, Mohammed Sanu. And who was my other guy? Matt Forte came through for me. It was a good week. I doubled up my money and I'll be looking to ride that streak next week.

[Adam Carolla]

Sanu coming through.

[Allison Rosen]

Muhammad Sanu.

[Adam Carolla]

Pick your team minutes and you could be on your way to winning instant cash. You could get free entry into the 100th thousand dollars contest this weekend. First place takes home 10 grand. DraftKings. Dawson, head to DraftKings.com now and enter code ADAM to play for free DraftKings.com Bigger events, bigger winnings, bigger millionaires. Enter Adam for free entry [e-mail] that's DraftKings.com all right, we'll do a little news. We got some live shows coming up. Portland's coming up, Seattle's coming up. First show in Seattle. Thank you very much. At the Neptune sold out. So second one added. Anaheim, Gore Hills, San Jose, Sacramento, stand up. A couple of standup shows and some Mangria signings. And by the way, you guys been tweeting me all your pictures of your three packs, your red, white, and I appreciate it. 49.99 at the new formula, shipping included. Go to Corolla drinks and enjoy, baby. Let's do some news. The news with Allison Rosen. She'll read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. It's Allison, Allison. And when it's time to wrap it.

[Allison Rosen]

Up, she'll sign it off with zip it, cunt.

[Bald Bryan]

It's Allison. Allison, a second Dallas nurse has tested positive for Ebola, and she flew across the Midwest the day before she became ill, even though government guidelines should have kept her off the plane. Her name is Amber Joy Vinson. She's 29 years old, and she had inserted catheters, drew blood, and dealt with bodily fluids from Thomas Eric Duncan, who died of Ebola.

[Adam Carolla]

Did no one want to give her a buzz at home and tell her, like, hey, maybe she'd cancel those travel plans?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, spring break, man.

[Bald Bryan]

From now on, CDC says no one else involved in his care will be allowed to travel other than in a controlled environment. And the CDC directors, ooh, that means popemobile to me. Setting guidelines that permit charter flights or travel by car, but no public transportation. Imagine getting your own charter flight because you have a high fever and possibly Ebola.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, still not worried about it, but all right.

[Bald Bryan]

Ebola patients are not considered contagious until they have symptoms. So the CDC director says it's unlikely that other people on the plane were at risk because she wasn't vomiting or bleeding, Even though the CDC still alerted the other 132 passengers who were aboard Frontier Airlines Flight 1143 from Cleveland to Dallas, Fort Worth, and said that officials are asking passengers to call the health agency so they can be monitored.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the guy who originally brought it, Typhoid Larry, flew in from, I don't know, Uganda or something with it and didn't give anyone on that flight that.

[Bald Bryan]

We know of yet because it has a 21 day incubation period. Well, I guess probably he didn't.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. All right, again, still not that worried about it, but.

[Bald Bryan]

No, me neither.

[Adam Carolla]

It just kind of goes to show you that maybe it's just me. Maybe there's a whole bunch of terrorist attacks that get thwarted all the time, but feels like whenever something pops up, we're not really ready.

[Bald Bryan]

And then it does seem that way.

[Adam Carolla]

Then we go, all right, all right, all right, all right, we got it now we got it now we got it. And then there's always like five more rounds of we fuck that up. Maybe we're not that good.

[Bald Bryan]

Oh, I don't think we are.

[Adam Carolla]

But there's a lot of, okay, we missed this, but then there's a whole protocol, and now we're going to follow that protocol. And then two days later there's another story about them fucking up.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah. So what's really happening? Is it human error? Are people not even changing the protocols? Is it.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't think anyone's. I don't think most people are that good at their jobs.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And you mix that with a general lethargy and a sort of disinterest and it's. It fucks things up pretty badly. And I do think as much as we try to do this, you know, prevent these things and stop terrorist attacks and Ebola and all that kind of stuff, most of it just kind of comes down to timing. If somebody hops on a plane a certain part of Africa and flies over here, it's just gonna happen.

[Bald Bryan]

It is sad that it's these healthcare workers who are now getting it. I mean, Daniel and I were talking about this last night. Like these people are fucking saints who are willing to be that close to someone who has Ebola. And what's their. They can't win for losing.

[Adam Carolla]

What's their.

[Bald Bryan]

Thanks. It's Ebola.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Why couldn't it just be publicists that were like, stricken with this.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah. A plague of Ebola on the right kind of people.

[Adam Carolla]

Non riding producers, people like that. Maybe it's a little too inside, but you know what I mean?

[Allison Rosen]

I know what you mean.

[Adam Carolla]

Folks like that could be stricken, you know, that'd be awesome.

[Allison Rosen]

If there was any justice.

[Bald Bryan]

I mean, not the ones who created buildings that perhaps we all need. Well, no, their work is done.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's true. We don't need them anymore. That's right. All right, what's next?

[Bald Bryan]

An entrepreneur is selling the domain ebola.com for $150,000. This guy, John Schultz, he has a number of disease domains. He also has birdflu.com, h1n1.com, terror.com, fukushima.com, and he bought it for $13,500 four years ago, has been waiting for the moment to sell it. He says, we're getting inquiries every day about the sale of it. I have a lot of experience in this sort of domain business, and my sense is that 150,000 is reasonable. And then when asked, you know, what about the idea that you might be profiting from disease? And he said, that's the same thing doctors do.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Allison Rosen]

That's a good point.

[Bald Bryan]

I mean, you can't argue with it, right?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. That is a lame answer. But is he. Would he sell it to, like, the cdc?

[Allison Rosen]

Like, that's better, bro.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, we're gonna have to try to buy it from him, right? When you want people to do it, you want them to go to ebola.org. can we do an org?

[Allison Rosen]

He's got to sell it to the World Health Organization.

[Bald Bryan]

I just realized the who. I'm sure we could do an org. Well, and maybe someone else is squatting on org.

[Adam Carolla]

Mmm. I'm gonna buy Org. If no one has it.

[Bald Bryan]

There should be a special whatever that. The special domain end thing for disease.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

I call Ebola tv.

[Bald Bryan]

Like Ebola Ill, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I would go there.

[Bald Bryan]

Rip.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't think I like this guy. I like Brian's story about the handicapped parking better. What doctors do. Fuck you.

[Bald Bryan]

I don't like this guy very much.

[Adam Carolla]

I also don't like the people who think of shit I don't think of to make money off of.

[Allison Rosen]

That's the real evil.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the real evil.

[Bald Bryan]

But can you imagine? But he invested, so to speak, 13,500 bucks for this domain four years ago.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Bald Bryan]

It's like flipping domains. I mean, would you ever show out that much for this?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, here's what I don't get, but you guys tell me how it works. I remember talking Brian, I don't know if you around Loveline when I think it must have been season one or season two of Survivor.

[Allison Rosen]

Probably just before my time. I was in college when that came out.

[Adam Carolla]

Early on in Survivor 2001.

[Allison Rosen]

Ish.

[Adam Carolla]

2000, there was kind of the cute chick with the curly hair and she was super cunty on the show, but she was cute. And she was like. And she was gonna. It was one of Those times where there weren't 7,000 competition reality shows so that one would pop, you know, someone would pop up as they were newly minted little celebrities. Now there's, I think too many of those shows.

[Bald Bryan]

Elizabeth Hasselbeck came from Survivor.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's right. And Kenny, there's occasional like Honey Boo Boo Pops up or the Duck Dynasty or something. But she was, let's see, cute, kind of curly, kind of frizzy haired.

[Allison Rosen]

Sure, if I saw a picture, you.

[Adam Carolla]

Know who she was?

[Allison Rosen]

Strika.

[Adam Carolla]

Anyway, she came on Loveline because she was hot or warm for like 10 minutes, but she was getting offers from Playboy. And I said to her in as nice a way as I could, what about Playboy? And she's like, ah, they're not offering enough or whatever it was. And I was like, well, don't you kind of have to strike while the iron's hot? Like, you know, Playboy doesn't come calling all the time. They come calling because you were on Survivor. But a year from now, maybe not, maybe they take that offer off the table. I've had that conversation with a few people. It's uncomfortable. But normally the thing that's crazy about it is they're confused. They're like, I'm the situation.

[Bald Bryan]

It's only gonna keep going up.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, right. Why would that keep happening? That would never happen. You know?

[Bald Bryan]

And you're like, well, because don't they have people in their ear telling them that this is just the beginning for them? And it's just, I feel like everyone.

[Adam Carolla]

Has always told me this at the end, so. Including family members. So why are people not pulling them aside and saying, hey, there's 50 grand on the table if you want to take your top off. Because I mean, if you're willing to do that, because this time next year it might be 1500 bucks. And she just kind of looked at me and went like. Actually the same way Lou Bega looked at me and said like, what do you mean this is just the beginning? Yeah, that's. No, that's not her. Now it must be season one.

[Bald Bryan]

Was she blonde or dark haired?

[Adam Carolla]

She was kind of in between. Cute. She was the big mouth. She was talking. And you know what? Gary could have been frizzy haired. Don't show me anyone with straight hair. And when I say season one, it could have been season three for all I know because I don't know the one Richard Hatch was on. I don't remember the names of naked dudes. I focus on Cox or Cox Centric. It could have been season Three. I don't know. She would have been in the top five of bitchy. If you were going after the sort of divas, like an Omarosa type. Omarosa type diva on Survivor, she would land herself in the top five. But you. But it would only be in the first five seasons. Like it would not.

[Allison Rosen]

And the show was a phenomenon its first year, maybe second. So it probably would have been from season one, maybe season two.

[Adam Carolla]

I think so. But the way the seasons roll and tie together and it's like I think that I remember her.

[Allison Rosen]

Her I remember from season one.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. What's her name? I got to get her name. That's. That's the all Jenna Lewis. No, it wasn't Jenna Lewis. That's gonna drive me nuts. What are you typing in, Gary? It's the best part of the show, alright?

[Bald Bryan]

This is what people seem to be.

[Allison Rosen]

Randomly searching the cast for females from the first three seasons. There's nothing to type in. Frizzy haired Survivor chick isn't gonna work.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't get condescending because I always find the shit after. You don't find the shit. Most of the time you find it.

[Allison Rosen]

Or it gets tweeted to you.

[Adam Carolla]

Someone tweets it to me. Okay, well, it's an extension of me. Oh, you built the studio. Give me a stab of 400,000. I'll find it. All right, listen, why don't you type it? What are you typing in?

[Allison Rosen]

We're literally cast of Survivor season 1, 2 and 3. And then we're just copying and pasting the names.

[Adam Carolla]

Why, that's to. Why don't you write Survivor, bitch? See what? See? See what? See what happens? Oh, there she is. Wait a minute. I think that's her signing the autograph.

[Bald Bryan]

Is that Jenna or Jerry Matheny?

[Adam Carolla]

There it is. Yeah, Jerry Matheny. Yeah. Jerry. What was that season, what was that?

[Bald Bryan]

Survivor of the Australian outback.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm looking. I think it's two. All right, season two. All right, you can show me the picture of her and we'll find out if she ever did Playboy. Anyway, Jerry. Jerry was the bitch from season one or season two? Season two. I had a feeling that maybe the show got established and then she. Then she popped up. But I don't know if she ever did her.

[Allison Rosen]

September 2001.

[Adam Carolla]

September 2001.

[Allison Rosen]

Jerry Manthey.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Remember her?

[Allison Rosen]

No, I'm looking it up. I've noticed. Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

She told me that she was an actress and that she was a singer and this was just the beginning. Oh, there she is on the COVID of Playboy, but still not looking like her because she's on the COVID of Playboy.

[Bald Bryan]

Oh, like John Osborne at the time.

[Allison Rosen]

I remember that issue.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. All right. You can see her. Anyway, the point is the party does end at some point and you got a strike with iron's hot. I don't remember what the fucking story that led me into this. What was the story?

[Bald Bryan]

Ebola.com?

[Adam Carolla]

Ebola.Com. All right. When do you sell that?

[Bald Bryan]

Right, right. How much? Yeah. How much of a pandemic is this going to be?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Because you wouldn't pay much for bird flu now or some of the other ones.

[Bald Bryan]

I would not.

[Adam Carolla]

So you got to sell.

[Bald Bryan]

If Alfredsar's.com, i would say, no, thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. You have to sell when it's, you know, seller's market. Right. I mean, you want to do it. Strike while iron's hot. It's the same thing with Jerry in the Playboy.

[Bald Bryan]

Talk to this guy.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. I'm going to talk some. I'm going to get Jerry. I'm going to get the guy from Mambo number five, Lou Bega and Jerry.

[Allison Rosen]

Hey, Mola guy. Let me tell you a story about Jerry Manthey. Here's some vindication for you. If you type in Survivor bitch and.

[Adam Carolla]

Click on images, upper left, first one. Thank you. All right.

[Allison Rosen]

You're right, as always.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, hit the show. Blow me up the upper left, if you would. All right. That's her frizzy hair. Bitch. Survivor. Okay. All right. Thank you. So you know how I know everything?

[Bald Bryan]

Because you know nothing.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Allison Rosen]

Well done.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. I want to thank no one except for, let's see, what's her name? Randy Lawson. Lawson. Who made us a beautiful print graphic artist gonna be Allison's guest. Beautiful mangria print on here with a really cool chick and a really nice frame. So I want to thank Randy for coming in here and hanging out, being so sweet to everyone. And until next time, Daniel crawl for Allison Rosen and Bob Brian Singh. Mahalo. Everyone just talks about dick pic. Dick pic, Dick pic. Dick, dick, dick, dick pic.

[Allison Rosen]

All right, this is Adam Krillo Show 1433 from 2014 coming for our final clip of Adam Kriller Show 1437 with Camilla Ludington, Allison Rosen, Brian Bishop, and a cameo from producer Gary. That's a classic episode. Hope you guys enjoy.

[Adam Carolla]

Alison Rosen. Good day.

[Bald Bryan]

Hello, Adam. Carolla.

[Adam Carolla]

Bald Brian. You better give me a lot of loves.

[Allison Rosen]

Several requests for Dawson's latest with the hashtag top drop.

[Adam Carolla]

Camilla Ludington. Am I saying that right?

[Camilla Ludington]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

You are from Grey's Anatomy. And other things we'll get into as well, new episodes. By the way, is Grey's Anatomy going on season 10?

[Camilla Ludington]

11, actually.

[Adam Carolla]

11.

[Camilla Ludington]

Yes. Incredible.

[Adam Carolla]

I gotta say, it's a very slippery slope over there in Grey's Anatomy because that was one of those shows my wife would watch, and then I would sit down and end up pleading. Yeah, I got sucked. I got sucked into it. Yeah. A lot of it's the music in that show.

[Camilla Ludington]

It is.

[Adam Carolla]

It pulls you in with that score. I don't know if it's original. I don't know what they're doing.

[Camilla Ludington]

It's not. But, you know, they made some bands like the Fray. Like, nobody knew about the Fray until Grey's Anatomy.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. So you're from England, but you grew up in Texas.

[Camilla Ludington]

That's not really. Right. Kind of. I'm from England and I lived one year in Texas when I was a kid.

[Adam Carolla]

And then you moved all over the place.

[Camilla Ludington]

And then I moved all over the place.

[Adam Carolla]

Your dad in oil or something?

[Camilla Ludington]

He's actually. He worked for 3M.

[Allison Rosen]

So 3M moved him all over that one year in Texas. Ruined that perfect accent.

[Camilla Ludington]

No, I lived in New York and I lived in Pennsylvania and then, of course, here. So now it's a messy accent.

[Adam Carolla]

It says on your bio that you're a fan of Windy City Heat.

[Camilla Ludington]

I am a massive fan of Windy City. He. Yeah, I've seen that movie a million times. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a bizarre movie that I don't talk about very much. Have you ever seen it?

[Allison Rosen]

I have. It hasn't come up on the silver yet.

[Bald Bryan]

I have. Daniel bought it because he's like, I can't believe you haven't seen it.

[Camilla Ludington]

I have it, too. I have it, too.

[Adam Carolla]

Bizarre movie about a guy who thinks he's in a movie, but he's not really in the movie. But I can tell you, as one of the makers of that movie, he thought he was in the movie the entire time.

[Camilla Ludington]

I didn't know that you were part of it. I knew that Kimmel was.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't like to talk about my work.

[Allison Rosen]

Do it just this once. Just this once.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I'll indulge you with just 18 songs. Oh, I just had this horrible thought. Imagine if I played the piano.

[Allison Rosen]

That is horrible.

[Adam Carolla]

No, here's what I'm saying.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. So when there's a party and there's a guy who's really good at playing the piano, they have to drag him up to do just one song.

[Allison Rosen]

Hey, Adam knows the piano.

[Adam Carolla]

But for me, it'd be hide the fucking piano. Because there'd be a song 28 and I'd be going, and someone have to try to remove me from the piano.

[Camilla Ludington]

Gotta glue it shut.

[Adam Carolla]

Windy City Heat was not my idea, but I was one of the producers on the film and it was me and Jimmy and the rest of that group that got together to do this film.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And it's kind of semi star studded and kind of in terms of. I would not call it a great film, but I would say that I have seen that film in a packed movie theater and you're not going to find many films where there's more out loud laughs in 90 minutes, maybe. Uncomfortable.

[Camilla Ludington]

I actually think it's a great movie. I really do. I love it.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, I love it. I'll play another song.

[Camilla Ludington]

I do love it. And also I. This is how obsessed with that movie. I. I've gone online and watched, like, the photo shoot they did on the couch when they're like, stop looking squished.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I'm talking about?

[Camilla Ludington]

Like, I've watched. I've actually researched even more than the movie.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a weird. It was a weird movie to make because it was a movie where nobody exactly knew what the script was going to be because we didn't know how the actor was going to react because he didn't know he was in the movie we were making. So everyone had to be sort of of flexible in terms of what they're gonna do. I love Bobcat Goldthwaite as a director, and I love the fact that he did all his conversations through a bullhorn. And at some point, when Perry said, I'm standing right here, you don't need the bullhorn, he said, okay, let me turn it down. Turn it down a little bit and continue the conversation.

[Bald Bryan]

It's so good.

[Allison Rosen]

A true cult movie. Like, yes, it's a sort of a. Not everyone knows it, but the people who know and love it, they really love it.

[Adam Carolla]

The Eraserhead for a new generation.

[Bald Bryan]

Where did the idea that come from? Do you know.

[Adam Carolla]

The person. The subject of the movie had been the subject of long, multi year, ongoing sting slash ruse. And we would have parties and things where, like, invited people over and you play Mr. Hiroshima and you're Mr. Nagasaki and you're heavy hitters from Japan and you're looking to open a stadium and every. I mean, crazy, elaborate, bizarre parties and everyone got sucked into it. And then once Jimmy got sucked into Was decided that a movie needed to be made about it.

[Bald Bryan]

And is it appropriate to feel sorry for him, or is he not really sympathetic?

[Adam Carolla]

Not if you knew him. Not if you knew him.

[Camilla Ludington]

You feel bad for him sometimes, but it's just so entertaining.

[Adam Carolla]

There's also a certain bottom line, which is the guy always wanted to be in a movie. There was no conventional way he was ever gonna be in a movie. And he got $50,000 to star in a movie.

[Camilla Ludington]

So wait, my question is this okay, when he found out that it was fake, or does he know that it's fake?

[Adam Carolla]

You know, when you're a little bit off, the lines are blurred just enough. I think it's sort of like being a kid and being nine and a half years old and talking about Santa Claus. And it's like kind of going, willfully ignorant. Well, you're in that sort of in between space of you going, I don't actually believe that a fat man comes down the chimney. But I'm not gonna chance not leaving the cookies and milk out. Cause I don't want to get him angry if he doesn't show up. Well, even as an adult, like before you fly and someone starts making jokes about airplane crashes, you go, oh, what are you doing? We're on our way to the airport. That makes no sense. But we're still.

[Bald Bryan]

I don't ask my Magic 8 Ball morbid questions.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. We're still half. We're all sort of half there in a weird way, right? I mean, as educated adults, not including myself, but I'm saying there's still certain things you don't fuck around with. Like when you're getting on that flight. Do you know what I'm saying?

[Camilla Ludington]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So where are we all at, if you want to think about it?

[Bald Bryan]

How's that?

[Adam Carolla]

Like, Perry, he's sort of half like.

[Bald Bryan]

He kind of knows, but kind of doesn't. But doesn't want to fully commit to knowing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but I don't know what the answer is, because I don't. I cannot climb inside skull.

[Camilla Ludington]

I was wondering, because I met him. I was coming out of a Bank of America and I saw him. And I've never pulled my car over for anyone else. I, like, almost crashed. I pulled my car over and I got out and he was like. It was amazing. He was in the fanny.

[Adam Carolla]

Fanny pack, leather fanny pack.

[Camilla Ludington]

He had the hat on, but he had a Windy City Heat T shirt on.

[Allison Rosen]

He was wearing the merch.

[Camilla Ludington]

He was wearing the whole thing. So I was like, he can't Be mad about it because it's years later and he's in it and I asked for a picture and he was like, you're welcome.

[Adam Carolla]

He wears a leather fanny pack. And by the way, when I was at his party, we're having a big party for him. This is years before, back when we used to just do this stuff to sort of pro bono. His gift for his birthday party is every single person showed up, bought him a black leather fanny pack. And then big arguments ensued over who told who. I told you I was getting him a fanny pack and you got him a fanny pack. And then he'd open the next gift and be black fanny pack and the other person be super pissed at that person. And we'd have whole parties based on black fanny packs and things like that.

[Bald Bryan]

It should be a whole series.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh my God.

[Bald Bryan]

I know. It kind of was a podcast, but.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, but yeah, it was, it was good time. So this had been going on for. For quite some time. Yeah, before. Before we decided to fire up the cameras. So anyway, new episodes, Grey's anatomy, Thursday night, 8:00, ABC season 11, by the way. Also. Oh, I didn't know this. Played Kate Middleton in the TV movie. That makes sense to me. Didn't have to stretch too far for that. Well, you look similar. You have an accent that's similar.

[Camilla Ludington]

I guess I'm pretty sure that we do look that alike, to be honest.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you're both good looking, so you have that at least. You have that. At least you've agreed on being good looking.

[Camilla Ludington]

Thank you.

[Allison Rosen]

You're a little more Keira Knightley than Kate Middleton.

[Camilla Ludington]

Really.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, if I'm to compare the two. Yeah, you're more to that end.

[Camilla Ludington]

Okay, well, we're from the same. Kate Middleton and I are from the same area in England from the same county. So I grew up sort of knowing about her and where she went to school was near where I went to school.

[Adam Carolla]

So how did you know about her pregnancy? Marrying into the royal family?

[Camilla Ludington]

I didn't know about her before that. I knew everything. When they were dating, I knew like, I know I live in the same area, so it's like, oh, there they went to this restaurant and they went to this bar and then all the gossip and the tabloids and everything. So by the time the movie rolled around, they said, do you know anything about her? And like their dating relationship. I did because the tabloids in England had annihilated them, basically.

[Adam Carolla]

Weird how insane the English are with that. It's in a. In a sort of of weird way. It's sort of like the way the Japanese are in the sense that they're super respectful and reserved and then they're eating sushi off a virgin, you know what I mean? Like when they go south. They go south.

[Camilla Ludington]

How Same is that.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's.

[Bald Bryan]

There's some pictures.

[Adam Carolla]

You got to know the right knock. I can get you into that place. But no, when they go, they invented bukkake films, you know what I mean? But they're. Well, maybe you don't. Anyway, we'll cruise in that after the show. Describe that they do things when they go. When they go off, they go big.

[Camilla Ludington]

Why not?

[Bald Bryan]

Like when they transgress, they make up for how proper they are otherwise.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. And so the English are like really proper. But they love Benny Hill. And it's weird because you think, oh no, they're so smart and they're so put together and they're so educated. They're not going to go for Benny Hill, but they love Benny Hill. So it's a weird thing. And so. So they're all, I've done a little traveling there and I found them to be awesome people. But then they're really into the tabloids and you just think like, why is this culture, like if you were trying to pick a culture, you understand our culture, we're fucking assholes. But England, you'd say, oh no, they're way too respectful and too reserved to be digging through Kate Middleton's garbage looking for a maxi pad.

[Camilla Ludington]

Oh, they will, that's my point.

[Adam Carolla]

So does it just come out another way? You know what I mean? Like all the respect and all the.

[Camilla Ludington]

I think that, I think that. I think Americans have a view of British people being very respectful and hoity toity and posh, but I think for the most part they're a very cheeky nation and we will go digging in someone's garbage. And we love our tabloids. And I think the paparazzi are even worse in England than they are here.

[Bald Bryan]

Defying cheeky.

[Camilla Ludington]

Cheeky. Define cheeky. I just think that there's a flirtatiousness to the Brits personality and I think that they're willing to do like Windy City Heat. I can imagine that for sure happening in England. Like, yeah, there's a playfulness always to the Brits and their humor.

[Adam Carolla]

I had a stripper girlfriend from England many years ago and I always thought it was funny. At the strip club she worked at, everyone had a glamour shot. They wanted a shot of them on the DJ booth. It was sort of Almost flash dancing. Quaint. It was a topless place and they just had all their pictures up and all the corset chicks or hair was all teased out and they're doing those like 80s model poses. Love it. And she gave them a picture of her as a schoolgirl, like at age 6, holding a crayon. And I just realized that was her sense of humor. Like the DJ went like, hey, sweetie, you got a hot picture? You could come in here, we'll put it up on the booth. And she went, yeah, I'll get a picture, I'll bring a picture in. And she gave a picture of Zach. Cheeky. Mm.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, I take back the Karen Knightley thing. It's more Rose Byrne. You must get.

[Camilla Ludington]

Oh, I get Roseburn all the time. Yep. She's Australian though.

[Allison Rosen]

I didn't say she was British.

[Camilla Ludington]

I'm just saying.

[Adam Carolla]

Sounds like a condition. By the way, Roseburn, you know, if you're like allergic to shellfish.

[Allison Rosen]

I got the rosemary.

[Adam Carolla]

I start sweating about the forehead. My cheeks get really red.

[Bald Bryan]

I had to stop drinking.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right, you don't have that enzyme. All right, we're going to do. And we'll do just me or everyone in a second first. DraftKings. Ah, my listeners winning huge cash prizes. DraftKings.com, america's favorite one week fantasy football site. No season long commitment. You play whenever you want. Got an injured player, you got no problems, man. This is real football, by the way.

[Camilla Ludington]

We'll talk about that later.

[Adam Carolla]

So, Brian, how are you hanging, man?

[Allison Rosen]

Good, good. Here's my tip for the week. Don't you gotta. You get a certain amount for a budget for a, for a spending budget. You got draft players based on how much they assign you. Andrew Lux, a $10,000 player. Don't be seduced by big name quarterbacks. Those big name quarterbacks are going to cost you and you're not going to get a lot of bang for your buck. Go for a guy like a Kyle Orton who is quietly putting up consistent numbers for a value price. Go for value at quarterback.

[Adam Carolla]

Pick your team in minutes and you could be on your way to winning instant cash prizes. And you get free entry into the hundred thousand dollar contest this weekend. Someone's walking away with 10 grand. Dawson. DraftKings. Head to DraftKings.com now and enter code Adam to play for free. DraftKings.com bigger events, bigger winnings, bigger millionaires. Enter Adam for free entry [e-mail] that's DraftKings.com all right. US sold out. First shows in Portland and Seattle and a bunch of live shows. You can go to AdamCarolla.com and check it out. And the Mangria 3 pack, if you like, $49.99 shipping included, new formulation. It is all good. So we're back up and running. Go to Corolla Drinks for that. And now should we do a little just me or everyone?

[Bald Bryan]

Yes. All right, so this is the segment that I do regularly on my show where people tweet in things they think or they do, and they wonder, is it just me or is it everyone? And let's see. Oh, it got covered up. Gary. Okay, J. Mo's and Bobos says at four way stop, hate the person who waves me on when it's their turn. There are reasons we have rules. We live in a society. Yeah, I find, well, a person who.

[Allison Rosen]

Doesn'T know the right of way is annoying, whatever that right of way is. If you're trying to make the left in front of someone who's trying to make the left, but it's their right of way that's annoying.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm wildly annoyed at the people who wave it back. The first wave is simply them being courteous to me. Like you get there at the same time or even they get there first. First wave, that's courteous. But then when you wave them on and then they wave it back to you. Now we're wasting everyone's time and it's becoming sort of passive aggressive. Somebody. There was this scene in Portlandia, but it took place outside of my house four or five years earlier where the person wouldn't move. Now, I know it sounds bizarre, but I don't live in the house that I'm talking about. But the street was a T. It wasn't a four way, it was a T. I was going, I don't know, the shaft of the T, the long part of the T. If you're driving down a long capital T, they would have been in the right and. And the gate to my house was straight ahead, but I had to make a little dipsy doodle move. I have to sort of swing out and go around and hit the thing. And so even though a person had. Even though I'd got to the thing before, just before the person pulled up, I waved them on because I wasn't turning left or turning right. I was going. I was doing a dipsy doodle move that was going into my house. So I gave them the go ahead and they gave me the, oh, no, you go ahead because you got here first. And then I gave them the. You don't know what I'm doing. I gotta do a move to get into my house.

[Bald Bryan]

And there's no hand movement to communicate.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, that's my driveway. So I gave them the. No, you go ahead. And they gave me, though. No, you go ahead. And now we're getting frustrated. And I realized this person was pissed off. And now I really couldn't do the dipsy doodle because they'd egged my fucking house. My wife and kids were in the car, and I just went. I'm not exaggerating. I just went, go. And the person just put both their hands, like, up. And they planted them behind their head, and they just leaned back, and they went, no, thank you. And I just put both hands, like, out the window, and I just went, no, it's a standoff. I'm here, too.

[Allison Rosen]

Mexican standoff.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm here, too. And the person was like, hey, I'm here. And we're both just sitting there.

[Bald Bryan]

This is fun.

[Adam Carolla]

And my wife said, you know, there's a lot more traffic coming his direction than going our direction. Just from living on these two side streets.

[Allison Rosen]

You can wait them out. You can sweat them out.

[Adam Carolla]

Someone's gonna pull up behind him first before they pull up behind me.

[Bald Bryan]

I love that she's on board and thinking strategically.

[Camilla Ludington]

I like it, too. I would have parked the car.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I did.

[Camilla Ludington]

And then walked the kids out. I just left the car.

[Adam Carolla]

I didn't. Why not? Now I'm in a weird position where I don't want the guy to think that that's my. I don't want him to know it's my house at all. So I sat there and the person just gave. Hey, man. And he, like, turned his car off. Or he put his hands up on the dash and just sort of. And both just stared at me, just put his hands up. And I said, put him.

[Allison Rosen]

Put my hands up on the dash.

[Adam Carolla]

And we just sat there. We both just sat there staring at each other. And sure enough, a car came up behind him, first before me, and now he's compelled to go because the person behind him does not know what the kind of insanity we've engaged in. And the part about this that I love is when the person came up behind him and he very reluctantly saw that person, then had to, like, start his car up and go down the hill. When he drove past the front of my car, he went, you, like, is big and is visceral and is like, you fucking. Fuck you. And I was like all this coming from me just going, go, go ahead. And you don't know what my fucking plan is. Like, there's circumstances here. I had to. It's a move I have to do to get up my driveway. That would involve blocking you and stuff.

[Bald Bryan]

So just what was his plan?

[Adam Carolla]

His plan was he said I should go first because I got there first, which makes sense to me. When I politely declined, then I was defying him. And then once it turned into. It basically turned into an escalating cold war for some reason.

[Allison Rosen]

An arms race.

[Adam Carolla]

He was an arms race. He was on the war path or for. No, it wasn't about who's right and who asked and who was anything. It was just, you are defying me and now became, I will win this battle. And when he was forced to lose the battle, he was fucking livid.

[Bald Bryan]

Was he a hipster? That's my memory of it.

[Camilla Ludington]

I'm gonna assume he was on his way to, like, an anger management cloth.

[Adam Carolla]

He wasn't. Yeah, he was probably reformed nerd turned super angry adult or something. But he was not like biker guy or anything like that. He wasn't an aggressive looking guy. Just somehow I was his stepdad telling him, you know, you do it because I said so or something like that. And there's nothing he could do about it or whatever it was. He had some regression, but he fucking went down the hill and just told me and everyone in my car to go fuck ourselves as loud as he.

[Bald Bryan]

Could in the Portlandia sketch. Which is funny if I'm remembering it correctly. I think seasons pass like they're outside their car.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, look, if nobody would have pulled up, seasons would have passed. Now the irony is, is this guy was so fucking angry that when he drove past me and went down the hill, I turned and went down the hill too. I didn't even want a chance. That he looked in his rear view and saw where I just come back and throw a Molotov cocktail through my fucking window.

[Allison Rosen]

Smart.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, sure.

[Bald Bryan]

So, savvy, I think that's everyone.

[Allison Rosen]

Wait, wait, sorry. Follow that up with. Why didn't you use your patented finger point technique? That's never failed for me. That's one of your life things that I put into practice has never not worked.

[Camilla Ludington]

What is. I'm sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

Come here. I'm sorry. When a guy. When someone's not moving, if you lick your index finger and put it up their ass.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

It tends to get them going. 100% success rate.

[Allison Rosen]

100% success rate.

[Camilla Ludington]

I. I figured that's what?

[Bald Bryan]

It was.

[Adam Carolla]

No, the. I found the lick is optional.

[Allison Rosen]

The lick is optional.

[Adam Carolla]

What I figured out. What I figured out is the wave, which is kind of a shuffle, shuffle, shuffle. Like, go, go. No, no. Go, go. It. It's always met with a return. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You go. But if you do finger you. Hey, you go, and I point that way. It's almost like a cop telling you what. You've been singled out and you've got a command and you go. It's not even. I don't even know if it's shame. It's like, this is official command.

[Allison Rosen]

You're taking control of the situation.

[Adam Carolla]

Whereas this is a light suggestion, like, no, go ahead. No, you go ahead. No, go ahead. No, this is. Hey, you go. And you'll just kind of go, okay. And they do it.

[Allison Rosen]

It's never not worked for me.

[Adam Carolla]

The problem. And I'll tell you why I didn't give him the finger and the point. Because he gave me the go ahead, and I gave him the. I'm just gonna wave it on. I got. I didn't. It wasn't at the point. It wasn't the point and go. I don't know why I didn't hit him with the point and go. But I figured he's just gonna go because he's going straight, by the way. I'm not. I'm having to make a left turn. He's just going straight. So he'll just go. And then once we got a few flaps into it, he was too angry. The finger and the point wouldn't have. Wouldn't have worked. I should have started with it.

[Camilla Ludington]

I don't think the finger point. After this.

[Allison Rosen]

No, you can't. Too far out.

[Adam Carolla]

You have to start with it.

[Camilla Ludington]

The moment's gone.

[Adam Carolla]

You have to start with it. And I'm sorry to say, but I think it works on women more than it works on hipster dudes.

[Camilla Ludington]

Really.

[Adam Carolla]

I think they're a little more. I think, the fear of authority or something like that. Asian women, 1000% right. That's right.

[Allison Rosen]

That's right. Follow orders.

[Bald Bryan]

Sean Corrigan says if you put ketchup on anything, that thing tastes like ketchup. You may as well just drink a cup of it. To me, that's someone who just doesn't like ketchup. Which, by the way, did you know, our very own porcelain punisher. Not a fan of ketchup. Unless it's, like, special artisanal ketchup or something.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait a minute.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm down with that.

[Adam Carolla]

Somebody fucks up their hot dogs around here. I don't know who it is. Oh. Oh, tell me, you guys, with this. Jeff Fox likes to smother his Philly cheesesteak with ketchup.

[Allison Rosen]

What?

[Adam Carolla]

And you go, no. Oh. Oh, fuck, no. No. And then they go, that's the way they do it in Philly.

[Bald Bryan]

And you go, oh, it's hard to argue with that. Unless, you know, is that true?

[Adam Carolla]

That's the way they do it in Philly. Jeff, tell everyone that he's doing the.

[Bald Bryan]

Point and way home.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the way they do it in Philly. That's the way. That's his argument. Right? Everyone's retarded in Philadelphia. Yeah, I Love that show.

[Bald Bryan]

DeVito's producer.

[Allison Rosen]

Didn't you live in Philadelphia?

[Adam Carolla]

Completely acceptable.

[Camilla Ludington]

No, I live in Pennsylvania, but I like to. This is sacrilegious. I like to have ketchup with my steak. And I do always feel embarrassed asking for that.

[Bald Bryan]

I think that's cheeky.

[Adam Carolla]

I think with the French fries, fine. But not ketchup on hot dogs. Who's the ketchup on hot dogs? Ketchup on hot dogs. Ketchup on Philly cheesesteak.

[Allison Rosen]

Still a cheesesteak, but not hot dogs.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait, no. Ketchup on chipped beef and cheese? Who does that? Okay. I don't know. Is it okay to put it on a hamburger? Yeah, I know. Don't deconstruct this.

[Allison Rosen]

All right, well, here's the bottom line.

[Adam Carolla]

People do it all the time in Philadelphia. It's acceptable in Philadelphia. Big time. Okay, well, they're trying to slow down on outsiders moving into their community. Maybe that's it.

[Allison Rosen]

Keep out.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that's all I need to know. Forget about the crime statistics.

[Bald Bryan]

Our guest is wondering, and I am too. Everyone here is anti ketchup on the hot dog.

[Camilla Ludington]

That's the standard.

[Allison Rosen]

I'd be taking or leave it, but.

[Adam Carolla]

I prefer without ketchup on hot dog is fine. Zero to nine. After nine, there's no.

[Allison Rosen]

You gotta move to mustard, mustard and veggies.

[Camilla Ludington]

What do you mean, 0 to 9?

[Bald Bryan]

Is it age 0 to 9?

[Adam Carolla]

Kids like that. Sorry, it's taking a turn for the condescending children.

[Camilla Ludington]

I disagree.

[Adam Carolla]

Children like hot. I think everybody grows up eating hot dogs with ketchup on it.

[Allison Rosen]

Boiled hot dogs.

[Adam Carolla]

But at some point you switch over to onion and brown mustard and sauerkraut and all the stuff that's relish, the stuff that's not quite kid friendly.

[Bald Bryan]

I can't get behind sauerkraut.

[Adam Carolla]

What?

[Bald Bryan]

Why can't I do all of it?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, wait a minute. Yeah, that's right. No, do all of it now. Crowd is good. The best dog is a Chicagoan style dog.

[Camilla Ludington]

I don't know what that is.

[Adam Carolla]

That is technically, it's mustard, it's relish, it's onions, and it's one of those pickles with celery salt on it. And I even, like, put a little tomato on there as well. It's got some other stuff. Other stuff on it, too, but the. What? Oh, yeah. Chicagoan dog. That's number one for me. But you like ketchup on your dog, Camilla?

[Camilla Ludington]

That looks like a borderline salad.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Allison Rosen]

And what's the problem?

[Adam Carolla]

Poppy seed bun, steamed nice, diced onion. So, ketchup. All right, can we. All right, let's all figure this out.

[Allison Rosen]

It is kind of an antipasta salad with a hot dog.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the picture's a little dramatic. You didn't. Everyone had ketchup on their hot dogs when you were kids, right?

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Does. Does anyone but Camilla have it that way?

[Allison Rosen]

Now, I'll never. I'll never order my.

[Bald Bryan]

I might. I like mustard, but occasionally I will go for the ketchup.

[Adam Carolla]

But that's not your dog. That's not your weapon of choice in the tube meat department. I don't.

[Bald Bryan]

I wish I had my weapon of choice in the tube meat department. It's rare that I eat hot dogs.

[Adam Carolla]

But if I do, I'll give it. I can't believe if you are. I know you're trying to. You softened the landing for Camilla over there. I know.

[Camilla Ludington]

I'm devastated.

[Adam Carolla]

But given a choice, one hot dog a year, it's probably not gonna have ketchup on it.

[Bald Bryan]

I think it might.

[Adam Carolla]

It might. So you.

[Bald Bryan]

Do you prefer it? I like to have. I will have mustard and. Okay, this is. I know, sacrilegious. But I'll have mustard and I'll have ketchup there. And I'll dip.

[Camilla Ludington]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So you'll do both?

[Camilla Ludington]

I'll do both.

[Bald Bryan]

Not in the same bite.

[Camilla Ludington]

Oh, I'll do both in the same bite.

[Adam Carolla]

What the.

[Allison Rosen]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't know what to believe anymore.

[Adam Carolla]

Kaelin likes ketchup, right? Go to Starbucks, get us some coffee.

[Allison Rosen]

Kaylan's a teenager.

[Adam Carolla]

He has what? Ketchup, mustard, Relish is what he said. And that's one I'll throw in rotation from time to time. It's not my go to. But I. Ketchup, mustard, relish. All right, but we can all agree. Jeff Fox is insane for putting it. And the great state of Pennsylvania.

[Allison Rosen]

That is crazy, because it's really just like. It's such a specific flavor. Peppers and the cheese and the steak.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, can we please all agree that the people that order scrambled eggs and douse it in ketchup.

[Camilla Ludington]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Grow up and get some salsa, people.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, I may also do that.

[Bald Bryan]

She eats ketchup on her steak, so I'm gonna guess she likes ketchup.

[Camilla Ludington]

I like cat. It must be she's British in English. I don't think it is.

[Bald Bryan]

But the question that we are addressing is do we agree that a tiny bit of ketchup on something makes the whole thing taste like ketchup?

[Camilla Ludington]

Yes, I do agree a little bit.

[Allison Rosen]

Little goes a long way.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I think. I think the way. The. The proper way to attack your ketchup is to take your fries and dip it sparingly into the ketchup. But to just the people that are hitting it on top of their eggs, it just. That seems insane to me.

[Allison Rosen]

My taste buds have grown up to the point now where I prefer mustard on the French fries.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, sorry. Hold on. Yeah, of course.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. I'm not sure if it makes the whole thing taste like ketchup. I think it enhances for me. It's only French fries, and it enhances it for me. I don't really have anything else. I do ketchup with the people that.

[Bald Bryan]

Put big blobs of ketchup on their eggs where it's mostly ketchup, a little bit of egg in it. That reminds me of. Do you remember in school when you would get those little ice cream things that had the chocolate and the vanilla in one little cup with little wooden spoon.

[Adam Carolla]

Spoon.

[Bald Bryan]

The people that would instantly stir it all together.

[Adam Carolla]

How could you stir it? It was always a block of frozen.

[Bald Bryan]

Eventually, they were able to.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm still waiting for my shit to thaw from the. From the fourth grade so I can eat it.

[Allison Rosen]

Come on. Malt.

[Adam Carolla]

I could never get it to thaw. Yeah. And the spoon would snap in half. It always taco in half.

[Allison Rosen]

It's a paddle, a mini ore. All.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, let's do one more.

[Bald Bryan]

And finally, Ray Morgan says, when I bite into something exceptionally tasty, my body does an Axl Rose sway back and forth dance. Does everyone know what he's talking about? The dance that Axl Rose used to do.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Camilla Ludington]

Can I see some moves?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't do that. I don't have a move.

[Allison Rosen]

Kaylin. Oh, he's too young. Dawson can do it.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm, yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

[Adam Carolla]

You have to.

[Camilla Ludington]

Okay, cool.

[Bald Bryan]

That's.

[Camilla Ludington]

Yeah, that's nice.

[Adam Carolla]

You can't do it.

[Bald Bryan]

You have to be standing up.

[Adam Carolla]

You can't do it with a Jew fro.

[Allison Rosen]

It's the white man. Don't go there, sister.

[Adam Carolla]

You gotta have hair hanging down because it's about a sort of counter move to the hair.

[Bald Bryan]

It's like a fish flopping around.

[Adam Carolla]

Your hair goes one way, you go the other, then your hair swings back and you go the other. But there's no good with a Jew fro.

[Allison Rosen]

Get some video.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Allison Rosen]

We gotta see this.

[Bald Bryan]

But there are people that, like, their feet move and their hands move when they eat something good.

[Adam Carolla]

No, we don't need to watch people.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay.

[Camilla Ludington]

Oh, yeah. That's intense.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

But, yeah, good food has a physiological effect on you, right? Like, these are so good. Like, maybe it's not the dance, but it's. You know, it's something. It's closing the eyes and tilting the head back.

[Adam Carolla]

I get to shiver after I take the piss at the urinal. Only in public places for some reason.

[Allison Rosen]

Not the same thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Not the same thing after.

[Bald Bryan]

Is that what the pee shiver is?

[Adam Carolla]

The pee shiver for me is after.

[Allison Rosen]

Mine's mid pee.

[Adam Carolla]

Ooh.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. I'm a mid pee shiver guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Ooh, remind me not to hang out next to you at the airport. That's gonna be rough. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Shoes get wet.

[Adam Carolla]

Only after and only in public places for some reason. Or I do it at home, but I don't notice it because I'm not self conscious about it.

[Bald Bryan]

What is the shiver?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's a weird.

[Allison Rosen]

I just put the Dr. Rose video up again.

[Adam Carolla]

Standing up?

[Camilla Ludington]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So I don't know what it is. Most guys do it. It's a after piss. It's an after piss shiver. Yeah.

[Camilla Ludington]

Oh, they're all shaking their head.

[Adam Carolla]

That's weird.

[Camilla Ludington]

They're like. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Is that going after?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Kaelin's mid.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay. Mid.

[Adam Carolla]

Yep. He's rubbing the ketchup on his hot dog, and he's middle. A lot of range. Just Kale Kalin has. So I'm not exactly sure what this question is, because I don't. I mean, are we supposed to do it at the restaurant or is this, like, standing by the barbecue or.

[Bald Bryan]

I think just when he eats something he enjoys, he finds himself. Axl Rosing.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. I hope pussy's not on his list. That's gonna be.

[Bald Bryan]

Oh, that might help it.

[Adam Carolla]

Confusing.

[Bald Bryan]

Pussy lip throws his whole body into it.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's Bring it home. Right. Ah, LifeLock ultimate, baby. No one can stop identity theft, but I'll tell you, nice step toward the light. LifeLock Ultimate Plus. I got it. You should get it yourself. What do you know, Allison?

[Bald Bryan]

Well, a new bug called shell shock may potentially leave millions of computers vulnerable to attacks because it can be used by hackers to take over computers.

[Adam Carolla]

The hell you need LifeLock Ultimate Plus. I got it. My kids have it. Everybody's got to get it. Look, if you have a Social Security number, you need one. They don't care. They don't care. As a matter of fact, you should get it for deceased relatives. I'm serious.

[Allison Rosen]

Absolutely right.

[Adam Carolla]

They will take.

[Allison Rosen]

They'll open credit cards.

[Adam Carolla]

They'll ruin their credit. No, they'll take their names and do. This is the new again. You're not going to get your hubcap stolen or your stereo stolen. You're going to get your life stolen, your identity stolen. It is LifeLock Ultimate Plus. We use it here, you use it there. LifeLock Dawson. Visit LifeLock.com and enter promo code Adam to save 10% on your LifeLock Ultimate plus membership. That's promo code [e-mail] to get a special 10% discount. LifeLock.com network does not cover all transactions. All right, we have some news to do. A couple of questions up there. So we'll say hi to Raul.

[Caller]

Yes. Sup, Ace?

[Adam Carolla]

Man 21, Maryland. What's going on?

[Caller]

Well, not much. Recently, I was talking to this girl and things got a little high. We were making out and I went to the bathroom, and inside her bathroom, I saw a bottle of Vagisil inside her shower and was wondering, should I still go for it and use it?

[Camilla Ludington]

Is that the question?

[Adam Carolla]

Put it on the Philly Cheesesteak. It'll taste better than the fucking ketchup Jeff uses.

[Caller]

Yeah, or what about ranch dressing?

[Adam Carolla]

What about. So you're asking if there's a problem, that there's an infection.

[Caller]

I mean, what would your take be? Should I ask her or.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, first off, yeah, that's what they. That's an aphrodisiac to go forging around a shower, pulling out personal items and going back and presenting her with it. I know it makes chicks hot. I brush my teeth with Vagisil so that I'm intimately acquainted with Vagisil. My sister had it in her purse. It's a long story. It tastes like what you think it would taste like when you brush your teeth with Vagisil. But what is the. Is that for yeast infections?

[Bald Bryan]

I don't think so. I'm going to look it up. I actually don't know.

[Camilla Ludington]

I think it's. I think it's just. I think it's just a body wash. Like an inch. I think it's just supposed to be softer on your body or PH level or something.

[Adam Carolla]

I might be wrong. It's originally there to. I think it is.

[Bald Bryan]

It's devoted to women's well being and confidence, according to the website.

[Adam Carolla]

So it's there to do something other than build your confidence.

[Bald Bryan]

Okay. So there's. There's a lot of different products. If you saw it in her shower, you probably found Vagisil Moisturizing Wash. So you're right, Camilla. That it is just. That could just. I don't think that means anything.

[Adam Carolla]

The old school Vagisil was there for.

[Camilla Ludington]

Oh, the anti itch cream could be a concern.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, glass half full is a girl who takes care of herself. Yeah, proactive.

[Camilla Ludington]

Either or.

[Adam Carolla]

Rummaging through anyone's personal stuff. You're gonna find a few items in there.

[Camilla Ludington]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you know what I'm saying?

[Allison Rosen]

What is this? Chemotherapy?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Bryan]

But really, if you found the bottle as opposed to the tube, based on what I'm looking at at the website, that means that's just something she's washing herself with and I don't. It just means she's taking care of us. To have a moisturized. She's at yourself.

[Camilla Ludington]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Good for you, buddy.

[Camilla Ludington]

She cares about your feelings.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. You understand? Yep.

[Camilla Ludington]

You got it.

[Adam Carolla]

Maybe you can get some vag still on that hot dog?

[Caller]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Ro, what are you doing over there in Maryland?

[Caller]

Currently I'm supposed to be working, but I would rather talk to you.

[Adam Carolla]

So where do you work?

[Caller]

I work for an Internet service provider.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. All right, so you're gainfully employed and you have this girl you're interested in, right?

[Caller]

Correct.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, update.

[Bald Bryan]

There's also an odor block protection wash. Oh, God. Could have been that.

[Adam Carolla]

There's gotta be something involving passion fruit. That's gonna make me angry.

[Bald Bryan]

PH balance wash. There's a lot of washes. You're gonna have to go back into a shower.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, fine print. Somebody keeps tweeting me the pumpkin spice tampon or Tampax or whatever. And I know someone is making that up.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah. Because there was a pumpkin spice condom, which is a hoax.

[Allison Rosen]

Too good to be true.

[Adam Carolla]

It keeps getting tweeted to me and I stopped. I don't want to repeat it because it looks like bullshit, but anyone can just cut and paste and do it now. And with everything having its look, vodka was one flavor for a thousand years. And in the last 18 months, there's been 250 flavors of vodka that have come out. Right? Cotton candy, vodka, cake batter, cake frosting. Right. So, by the way, everyone is insane. Like, if you reintroduced candy cigarettes, everyone would go insane. Right? Vodka that tastes like cotton candy or cake batter. How about that? Do you know what I'm saying?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. Oddly aimed towards sweet.

[Bald Bryan]

Aimed towards the kids.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so there is no pumpkin spice. Somebody made that up. And I assume that somebody made that up. But it's just somewhere around the fourth time somebody hits me with a horrible idea, I believe it.

[Bald Bryan]

Tampons don't come in any scent other than disgusting. Pumpkin spice would be an upgrade.

[Adam Carolla]

Pete, 27.

[Caller]

Hi, guys.

[Adam Carolla]

Love the show. Thank you.

[Caller]

Ever since the Allison shared the. The Dag dream, I've had this weird fantasy where I want to be cuckolded by my wife.

[Bald Bryan]

That is not what the dream was about. Go ahead.

[Caller]

Well, I mean.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I'd say the essence of it was, but at least at first glance, no. Hey. Hey, Pete. Camilla. Dag is David Alan Greer.

[Camilla Ludington]

Oh, okay. Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

I realize you probably didn't know who Dag is.

[Camilla Ludington]

No, I was.

[Adam Carolla]

He's David Allen Greer. And Allison had a romantic dream about him that you.

[Camilla Ludington]

You had. Okay.

[Bald Bryan]

Okay.

[Camilla Ludington]

You had a monster dream.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah. So now that's what he sounds like.

[Adam Carolla]

When he makes a love.

[Camilla Ludington]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

And so now you want to be everything. Cuckolding fantasies. Yeah.

[Caller]

So do I need therapy, or is this normal?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know, Pete. This is a. This is a bogus question. I want a flapstick. Fuck you, baby.

[Camilla Ludington]

So disturbing.

[Allison Rosen]

Here's how it normally sounds when he's intimate with a woman.

[Bald Bryan]

Oh, okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't look at me. Oh, my God. Oh, my. Oh, God. Oh, shit.

[Allison Rosen]

Tony. Nominated actor three times consecutively.

[Camilla Ludington]

That's beautiful.

[Adam Carolla]

You gotta get him on Grey's Anatomy.

[Camilla Ludington]

I think we'll just cost him off of that. He's in.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And don't script him. Let him just kind of do his own thing. You know, your stank ass. He. Send him down to the morgue and let him just sort of do what he does.

[Bald Bryan]

Do what he does best.

[Allison Rosen]

It's been four years.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't get to see my nipples yet. All right, this is a bogus question, because one thing I learned from Loveline, all those years when people would say, I want to have sex with my best friends, oh, no. They'd go, I had sex with my best friend's. Hot mom. I want to know what to do. It's like, there's no question. If there's questions, there's answers. These aren't questions. These are kind of statements. And I always know the difference. Or just goofs, but either way, when there wasn't really. When people truly are concerned and they call in and they want some advice, they actually have a question at the end of what they're saying.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, I'm agreeing. What I'm saying is that these are early versions, but he's talking about on Loveline of humble brags that people call up. Like, I got the situation, but it was really just 30 seconds to brag.

[Camilla Ludington]

A huge dick. What do we do with it?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, I'm super concerned. Right? Yeah, that's found dead and his ass was raw.

[Bald Bryan]

But is the cuckolding thing. Is that a real fantasy that men have? It is, right? Because there's porn, a whole category of porn for it.

[Adam Carolla]

I think there is. I think there's one of those things where guys. A lot of guys have this sort of fantasy about that. And that's why a lot of guys, like, guys will dig around a little bit. Like, they'll go, your boyfriend before me, did you ever do anything crazy with him? You know, and so weird. It's a kind of a. Guys have a capacity, and certainly women do as well. Like that thing where you have a tooth that hurts and you flick it. You just kind of flick it a little bit. And it hurts a little bit every time you flick it, but it doesn't stop you from flicking it. It kind of makes you flick it more with your tongue or something like a little.

[Bald Bryan]

You play with fire.

[Adam Carolla]

But it's also something that happens when guys are 26 and 27. When you get a little bit older, you just sort of realize, what the fuck am I getting into this shit for? Yeah, she had a boyfriend before me. What do I need? All the fucking weird details of what they did. And obviously you're never going to get to a conclusion that's satisfactory for you. So it is a weird. There is that component that a lot of guys have, and it's either. It's sort of like a 1 to 10 scale. They're like sort of the guys that are sort of like, how many guys you been with? Or were you with the guy who. How long were you with the guy with before me? Or did. Did you give it up on your prom day you had sex with a black man?

[Bald Bryan]

My first boyfriend wanted to know that.

[Adam Carolla]

Right there is that what would that sound like, by the way? If Allison did have sex with a black man? And then 10 is, I'm gonna hire David Allen Grier's out of work brother to come over and have sex with you while I hold the towel. Do you know what I mean? But there's no. Most guys are. Oh, my. Oh, God. Oh.

[Allison Rosen]

Three time Tony nominated actor consecutively.

[Camilla Ludington]

So sexy.

[Adam Carolla]

So now most guys are in the spectrum in there somewhere. Especially when they're younger, you know, like in their mid-20s. There's that sort of. Ever been with a guy and blah, blah, blah. And they're only just saying it to. They're almost gonna fuck with themselves.

[Camilla Ludington]

Like, torture themselves. Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a weird. It's a weird little. Weird little thing. And then there's all the way at the top where I want you to screw this other guy while I watch. You know, that's. That's top. And then there's kind of everything in between.

[Camilla Ludington]

Are many people reaching that top level?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. It's rare.

[Bald Bryan]

Find my friend's boyfriend, and they found someone on Craigslist, and he wanted to watch her have sex with him. And she went along with it and felt very weird afterwards. And I thought, yeah, how would you not.

[Camilla Ludington]

Well, no way. On Craigslist. What does that ad look like?

[Bald Bryan]

We have an Ikea furniture help with code.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's what I secretly think. I secretly think those people have a lot of difficulty with intimacy.

[Allison Rosen]

Craigslist ad is actually an audio ad.

[Adam Carolla]

I want a flapstick. Fuck you, baby.

[Allison Rosen]

Weird that he'd post that or someone would post that.

[Camilla Ludington]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I also think that there are ways to get out of a relationship without actually asking to get out of the relationship. And that's one of the ways to begin getting out of the relationship. Men, Women do it as. Women do it as well, where they sort of go, you know, you want to. Want me to bring my friend. My female friend, like, into the bedroom with us and the three of us. And then the guy goes, oh, yeah, that sounds awesome. You know, but it's really a setup.

[Bald Bryan]

When people do that, they know that they're torpedoing the relationship.

[Adam Carolla]

No, they don't know it. But what you know and what you do are two different things. I mean, most people are more animal than human being. Right. And what they're saying is, is I cannot tolerate intimacy. And I can't really just say, I can't tolerate intimacy and I must break up with this person. Or that might force us into some sort of therapy or counseling or something like that. Instead, I'm going to create a scenario that breaks us up.

[Camilla Ludington]

Or is it just boredom?

[Adam Carolla]

Or it could be that. No, I'd say normally when people have a relationship that they cherish and that they feel is very important and they don't have intimacy issues, they're protective of it. This is a way of sabotaging. Yeah, it's kind of like saying, you know, your car got stolen. What happened? Oh, man. I parked in a bad neighborhood and I forgot and left the keys in the ignition and walked home and, like, maybe you didn't want that car around. No, no, I wanted it. It got stolen. Yeah, but you left the keys in the ignition.

[Bald Bryan]

Risk taking behavior.

[Adam Carolla]

Right, Right. All right, let's. Let's do one more. Let's do some news. Shall we do that? Yeah, let's get a little news. The news with Allison Rosen. She'll read some news from her iPad.

[Camilla Ludington]

Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad.

[Adam Carolla]

It's Allison. Allison. And when it's time to wrap it.

[Allison Rosen]

Up, she'll sign it off with.

[Adam Carolla]

Zip it Cut. It's Allison. Ah. All right, Allison. Let's do a little news.

[Bald Bryan]

It looks as if there may not be any platinum albums in 2014 by Music Artists. So so far this year, there hasn't been a single album from a music artist that sold a million copies or more there. And I'm saying single album by a music artist because the Frozen soundtrack, so not a single artist. Frozen Soundtrack has sold over 3 million units, but there hasn't been any artist released album that. That sold over a million. Beyonce's album sold 776,000. Is it Lorde or Lord? A Lord. Right. Lord's album has sold 754,000.

[Adam Carolla]

Is she the one who doesn't want to be on stage when she's on stage?

[Bald Bryan]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, what's the. I'd like to think of the people who don't want to be where they are. Like a list. My top 10 list of people just never look like they want to be where they are. When she goes out to perform, she looks like, fuck, I'm gonna drape as much hair over my fucking face as humanly possible so I don't have to deal with this mess.

[Bald Bryan]

Johnny Depp.

[Adam Carolla]

Johnny Depp never looks like.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes, I. Lana Del Rey.

[Adam Carolla]

What's.

[Bald Bryan]

I'll give you that. She just looks uncomfortable.

[Adam Carolla]

How about what's her name from Shit.

[Allison Rosen]

Dolores O'Rearden.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Bald Bryan]

Cranberries.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no. I was gonna. I was. I was gonna say from that Fucking thing where everyone's turning into werewolves and fighting Dracula.

[Camilla Ludington]

Oh, Kristen Stewart.

[Adam Carolla]

Kristen Stewart. Thank you.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm thinking music.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. Kristen Stewart. Just wherever she is, it looks like she does not. I would never want to have sex with her for that one very reason. Like, she'd just be like, oh, my God, does she not want to be here? And she wouldn't be asked acting in that case.

[Bald Bryan]

Top of the list of. I feel like she's the most of everyone more than anyone else.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. She just looks like she doesn't want. When she walks down the red carpet. She'd rather walk through a fucking prison to an electric chair. Like, she just has.

[Bald Bryan]

She doesn't want to be in the movie she's in.

[Adam Carolla]

It's gotta be weird, right? Like, doesn't someone who want to, like, fucking slap her and go, hey, you're good looking and you're rich. Fucking knock it off.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, she's rich.

[Camilla Ludington]

I kind of like it. I like other people that are just over the top.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I agree.

[Camilla Ludington]

I'd rather take that.

[Adam Carolla]

Does she. Is she miserable inside? Does she not want to be there?

[Bald Bryan]

Or do you think she's like, why does everyone always think I'm sarcastic? Well, this is me. Like, me. I feel like my feeling is like.

[Adam Carolla]

Why did you get in this business if you didn't want to do this? If you didn't, you don't like. I look, I understand. It's.

[Bald Bryan]

Maybe she's like, this is me when I'm happy. You should see me when I'm sad.

[Adam Carolla]

Couldn't imagine.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm still reeling from the news that you find her attractive. If Vegas had offered a line, I would have bet everything against it. Just because she's boyish and kind of non sexual.

[Adam Carolla]

Reeling from the news and the types.

[Allison Rosen]

You describe that you like and the types you described that you don't like. She is clearly, to me, in my mind, in category number two.

[Adam Carolla]

I think she has a very pretty face. I think she's going, oh, yeah, I find her very attractive.

[Camilla Ludington]

She's really pretty.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you.

[Camilla Ludington]

She is.

[Adam Carolla]

This makes up for your ketchup on the hot dog debacle a few minutes earlier. Yes, I find her attractive. I just think that she seems so angry and just despondent about it.

[Camilla Ludington]

But the red carpet is uncomfortable.

[Adam Carolla]

I just. She looks uncomfortable everywhere.

[Camilla Ludington]

Well, I'm assuming that the pictures are being taken.

[Bald Bryan]

Right.

[Camilla Ludington]

Of her being papped. Right. So paparazzi are probably yelling the worst things. They're not gonna be like, you look great today.

[Adam Carolla]

But think about like Robert Downey Jr. He seems happy to be where he is.

[Allison Rosen]

And didn't she just come out on the stage? Was it the Oscars or the Golden Globes or something?

[Adam Carolla]

Looked like she just was rolling her.

[Allison Rosen]

Eyes, contemptuous of it all.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, she just doesn't look like you're presenting at the Oscars or the Golden Globes or whatever it is. You got 44 seconds to pretend like you want to fucking be there. Just go do it.

[Allison Rosen]

She was disheveled, in a nerves.

[Adam Carolla]

No, it could be. It could be compensation. But I mean, that's like saying, you know, that grizzly bear only attacked you because it was scarce. It's like, well, all right, but still, I have no arms.

[Allison Rosen]

She's been acting since she was 11 in panic room. So I hope she's over the next.

[Adam Carolla]

I wish someone would have locked her in that fucking panic room and never let her out.

[Bald Bryan]

Wait, what kind of things do the paparazzi yell? What kind of awful things?

[Camilla Ludington]

They yell awful things. Have you ever watched. I what? Here's how I know this, because I don't have to deal with that. I watched this Britney Spears documentary and the stuff they would yell at her about, like her looks, her family, disgusting sexual stuff just to get any reaction. I'm sure you've had this too. You've had. Surely you've had paparazzi yell horrible things.

[Adam Carolla]

About Britney Spears, about Britney says you're horrible in the sex. What? I fuck Britney Spears. Then I smile and they take the picture.

[Allison Rosen]

Sad face.

[Camilla Ludington]

Don't they ever try and get a reaction out of you?

[Adam Carolla]

I. First off, I would never. I try to avoid any place that has any of those people as best I can. They're not overly interested in me. But if you do go to one of those places, they will get you in a sort of sloppy seconds, like, oh, I recognize this guy leaving Mr. Chow's. Fuck it, it's digital. I'll waste a little space on this card with him and then we'll never use it. But I would not. I just want to. The thing that's funny is I just planned this nice dinner to go out to Katsuya, the nice sushi joint. And I was surprised that there's one on Sunset where the paparazzi hang out. And then there's one in a strip mall off of Ventura Boulevard in Studio City, which is great, by the way. It's next to a Domino's Pizza and there is no paparazzi at that one. And my wife made the reservations and I said, I hope we're going to the one in the shitty strip mall. And she said, oh, yes, because who the fuck wants to deal with the paparazzi? And they're not a hassle for me, but given a choice, I would go to the place that didn't have the paparazzi. It makes me always a little suspicious of the actor or actress who goes, oh my God, I can't stand. But you went to Mr. Chow's for dinner or you went to the Ivy for dinner. And there's so many great places. And this is, this makes me very.

[Allison Rosen]

Suspicious because you're right, there are so many.

[Adam Carolla]

There's simply a Katsuya where the paparazzi is and a Katsuya where there's no paparazzi. So why don't you just go to the one with.

[Allison Rosen]

But yes, very suspicious of the paparazzi.

[Camilla Ludington]

There's a certain level of fame though, where surely you are get like Britney Spears, like, I don't think she can have probably a day without being any paparazzi. And she's not calling them. She's going to like Starbucks and she's going home.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. And I feel bad. And some of it really, to me boils down to almost a little bit of an old school gender thing, which is you just don't yell horrible things at young ladies. I just feel that way when they're walking down the sidewalk and you're yelling horrible things about their sexuality or what have you, or their looks just in general. To ladies, you know, it just seems so. Especially guys. David Alan Grier. No, there's a part of me that's a little old school, which is if you want to make fun of a comedian or something, say what you want. If it's Doug Benson yells something out if. But especially as a guy, don't yell super insulting things to young ladies that are walking with their kids or whatever down the sidewalk. I don't like that at all. They're trying to get a reaction from them and then get them to do something. But for me, again, it all depends. We'll find out. I'm going to New York soon. We'll see if the guys are waiting for me or not.

[Camilla Ludington]

Be interesting.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they get the flight manifests and they. They wait there. Yeah, if. If they feel like it. It just depends.

[Bald Bryan]

I think it was New York, but I can't remember where it was. We were flying somewhere for the podcast and there were people at the airport waiting for you with stuff for you to sign. But it just fans. And I wondered, how did they know they couldn't have had the manifest. Oh, you think they did?

[Camilla Ludington]

They have. What? Really?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Oh, for sure. Because we flew into Minneapolis.

[Bald Bryan]

Is that what I'm thinking of?

[Adam Carolla]

I think it was Minneapolis. Minneapolis. I think TMZ will just hang around the airport. Lax, but not Minneapolis. Minneapolis. Guy. It's happened to me a few times, was just hanging there with pictures of me from the Family Guy, my character and stuff like that, and different artifacts and man, show stuff. Crank Yankers, maybe Windy City heat every once in a while and. And the guy's got a pile of it. And he's sitting there waiting. And he's not an official anything. He simply knows somebody. I've talked to Jimmy Kimmel about this many times. It's very common practice. Just like back in the day if you watched, I don't know, Casino and Joe Pesci would be in with the person who was the bell clerk. Bellhop. The person who worked behind the desk when the super rich couple went out to dinner. The room would be empty. You slip them some money and you can go in there and take their jewelry. There's a new version of that which is, you know, someone who works for American Airlines. That person at the reservations whatever has the list of all the shit. If they see Robert Downey on that thing, you'd simply call them and they tell you Robert Downey's on whatever flight lands. You'd think after 9 11, this wouldn't go down. Oh, it absolutely goes down. Otherwise it'd be impossible for the guy to know who's where and when. And they will be waiting. It's not like. Like they're there for every single flight. They're waiting for the one that has Robert Downey Jr. On it.

[Camilla Ludington]

That's creepy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Bryan]

Speaking of fame, Bethenny Frankel will be returning to Real Housewives of New York.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really? I shall be watching.

[Allison Rosen]

It's been too long.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah. So this season that she'll be returning has Carol Radziwill, Heather Thompson, Kristen Takeman, Luann. Remember the Countess.

[Adam Carolla]

The Countess, yeah.

[Bald Bryan]

Ramona Singer and Sonja Morgan.

[Adam Carolla]

But wait a minute. She's gone platinum, right? I think she had a hot song.

[Bald Bryan]

I don't think it's. I don't think she sold more than don't be tardy to the party, but. Or maybe she has. I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

She had a very hot song about decorum, but I can't remember what I was about. I remember.

[Bald Bryan]

Wasn't she dating the guy who recorded it in that episode?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know, but I fucking love wasting time with those bitches.

[Bald Bryan]

But listen, our buddy. Our buddy in on the joke. Jill Zarin not returning. She has not been asked back. Neither has Alex McCord.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, the blonde? Yeah, skinny blonde. Can I say this? Who was the first person we mentioned? Sorry?

[Allison Rosen]

Bethany Frankel.

[Adam Carolla]

Bethany Frankel?

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

I have no idea.

[Bald Bryan]

Skinny girl, you know Bethany Frankel? Yeah, Bethany. She tells her like it is.

[Adam Carolla]

What I'm saying is, aren't there certain people that you just want to tag and go, you're going to make a. You are going to be such a hot mess when you're 68 years old. Like, you're going to have 41 plastic surgeries under your belt. 41 more, you're gonna have fucking hair that's way too long and way too light. You know? Like, you know the people. You can go, well, what I mean is, like, when you see Meryl streep at age 40, you don't go, oh, she's gonna be hot mess at 62. You just go, helen Miram or someone like that. You go, they're just gonna age. Yeah, but when you see, like, a Bethenny Frankel, don't you want to go, oh, this is great.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, like, getting in early.

[Adam Carolla]

She's gonna. No, she's gonna keep our supply of crazy old people who are doing stupid things in the news. And you know what I'm saying?

[Bald Bryan]

I forgot to add this important fact. So, remember, she had a daytime talk show, but she says, I felt very constricted and very handled about daytime television. Being on reality TV was very freeing for me.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. But every daytime one is not your mother's daytime talk show. You're gonna get the straight talk. Not scared to go there.

[Bald Bryan]

She's gonna say what you're thinking.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. That's right.

[Camilla Ludington]

I don't watch because I watch the New Jersey one.

[Bald Bryan]

Oh, you do?

[Camilla Ludington]

I don't watch New York.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you're in your.

[Camilla Ludington]

She like the villain. Is Bethany the villain of the.

[Bald Bryan]

No, she's.

[Camilla Ludington]

Oh, I don't.

[Bald Bryan]

Well, I only watch that. Yeah, she is. Like we said, she tells it like it is. She's. She's funny, she's witty.

[Adam Carolla]

Every. Yes, every. Every episode is basically, we're throwing a party. We're inviting four of the women, but the fifth one is not invited. And then she finds out about it, and then she shows up and gets drunk. No, she's not the one. It's just every episode's about somebody else. Every episode's basically, we're gonna do this, but we don't want Sheila coming. And then she finds out and she's very upset about it.

[Bald Bryan]

Do you watch all of the. All of the franchises, all of the locations? New York City, and I think a bit of Orange county is all I ever watched.

[Adam Carolla]

I will bounce around. I've been too busy in working too many weekends and traveling too much to focus on my priorities when I'm.

[Allison Rosen]

When I'm doing important shit like fantasy football. That's when Christy will watch the Housewives of New Jersey. I 1/5 pay attention just so I can say, yes, no. But the episode this week where she went to jail, the Teresa went to jail and the husband. Yeah, that was actually riveting shit. Because it was kind of like their court thing, the family's reaction, like it wasn't the typical, oh, let's go to the store and try on new jeans. It was a really interesting kind of compelling dramatic stuff.

[Camilla Ludington]

It was. It was kind of.

[Allison Rosen]

It was sad they found out that day they were going to jail for years.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm more compelled to watch the pussy whipped husbands who just stand there holding the lap dog while the chicks argue.

[Camilla Ludington]

You know, that's not New Jersey, though. The husbands get involved. The husbands are almost as like, bitchier in New Jersey.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't pay attention.

[Camilla Ludington]

Oh, well, they are.

[Bald Bryan]

Whatever happened to Slade? Yeah, Remember him?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Bald Bryan]

Yeah, he had his own show, I think. Slade and Joe.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you guys gotta watch. All right, what else we got?

[Bald Bryan]

Well, here's a story that involves British people. According to a recent survey by a British flight comparison website, they surveyed 2,500 Brits and 10% of people said that they had sex with a travel partner in an airport. Sex in an airport. How could you even do that?

[Camilla Ludington]

Everyone's looking at me.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. How do you do?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I've never done that in an airport.

[Bald Bryan]

I mean, I feel like here tsa. Well, actually, I was gonna say TSA would be up your butt, but maybe they really wouldn't.

[Camilla Ludington]

First class lounge has gotta be the airport's even sexy.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, no, guys just need open space.

[Camilla Ludington]

Just a room.

[Bald Bryan]

But where could you do it? You wouldn't be caught.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I. I think.

[Camilla Ludington]

I think you could not get caught.

[Bald Bryan]

I'll see.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you can.

[Camilla Ludington]

I don't think you. I mean, if you went into a bathroom, if you snuck into a bathroom, I don't think you get caught.

[Adam Carolla]

I did it once at the unisex bathroom on top of that koala fold out thing. Thank God the chick was diminutive, right? It's only rated to like 220 pounds.

[Allison Rosen]

Thank God her diaper needed changing, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I think first class lounge is about it. I don't know. I don't know where else you can do it at the airport.

[Allison Rosen]

It's a lot of open space. Open concept.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I don't.

[Camilla Ludington]

You'd have to go to a bathroom.

[Allison Rosen]

You couldn't go to the family bathroom. You know what I mean? It's like the handicap family bathroom.

[Camilla Ludington]

The bigger bathroom. Yeah, sure.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm, yeah.

[Camilla Ludington]

Cuz you're not doing it in like duty free, are you?

[Adam Carolla]

Are they counting? Are they counting the airplane?

[Bald Bryan]

No, they're saying at the airport.

[Adam Carolla]

At the airport.

[Bald Bryan]

Airport itself. I too. I can't think of a less sexy location.

[Camilla Ludington]

No, it's not sexy.

[Allison Rosen]

First class lounge is all I can think of.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's all I can think of too. But I do feel like people feel like there's something about air travel. Somebody. What happened was that somebody coined the phrase mile High Club. And now everyone feels like they have to fuck in an airplane. And that spilled over into the airport. And then that also spilled over and the guy's beating off in the bathroom, which is not halfway to the Mile High Club. That's the fucking basement of loserdom. I don't know. I feel like there's a fair bit of guys who beat off on an airplane.

[Camilla Ludington]

Noah.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yes. Yes, sir.

[Bald Bryan]

No, and listen, with the blankets over them.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, I'd say bathroom.

[Camilla Ludington]

Okay. Bathroom. Okay. I just.

[Allison Rosen]

At the stall. Seriously, at the stall.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't like you, Gary. What do you. What?

[Allison Rosen]

At the hand dryer.

[Adam Carolla]

Gary's tall. So I'm just gonna. Just check that box right there. Yes, airplane. Sure. Bathroom.

[Camilla Ludington]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Guys are fucking. Wait a minute.

[Bald Bryan]

There was a line for airplane and yes for bathroom. That means also not in the bathroom.

[Allison Rosen]

Wrong flight.

[Adam Carolla]

Not in the bathroom, top. I'm not proud of it. In the bathroom.

[Allison Rosen]

Miss, I'm done with this blanket.

[Bald Bryan]

Oh, my God.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, wow. White Ice was his nickname. That was his handle. There was Goose, Maverick, and White Ice. Holy shit.

[Bald Bryan]

Was there someone sitting next to you?

[Allison Rosen]

Not for long.

[Bald Bryan]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Nothing was going to wake up. That old lady started by eating our warm nuts and moved on from there. He was emboldened after that. Wait, all right, hold on. Gary.

[Bald Bryan]

Horrifying.

[Adam Carolla]

We need some information.

[Allison Rosen]

No, we don't.

[Adam Carolla]

I. I'm with Brian. I really don't think we do.

[Camilla Ludington]

Actually, I think we do.

[Adam Carolla]

I beat off many places, but never an airplane.

[Allison Rosen]

No, me neither.

[Adam Carolla]

And I'm not passing judgment. Hey, Keep your eye on the prize, kid. I'm not passing judgment, but I would just assume because Greg Fitzsimmons came on here and talked about beating off on an airplane. But the bathroom. The quiet dignity to go to the bathroom and beat off all over everyone else's shit that I would think of. But the seat, that's brazen. Brazen. And I'm guessing coach. First class. You can't pull that on coach. Not. Not at 6:40.

[Allison Rosen]

First class.

[Adam Carolla]

So first class.

[Bald Bryan]

They're like more tissue lotion.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh wait, was it like international flight where like the little pod.

[Adam Carolla]

I had some problems.

[Bald Bryan]

Oh, you have to then I want.

[Adam Carolla]

To get my money's worth.

[Camilla Ludington]

Were you watching like a sexy movie then?

[Adam Carolla]

I mean I had my iPad.

[Camilla Ludington]

Yeah, the flight, they show film.

[Adam Carolla]

This did not occur to me because.

[Allison Rosen]

I was watching a semi friend break or something.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay.

[Camilla Ludington]

Got it, got it.

[Adam Carolla]

Be funny like. Sir, we're serving complimentary Toll house. No, no, we have milk and Toll House House. No, don't. I'm good. I'm not beat.

[Allison Rosen]

I mean just leave. We have a selection of chimneys.

[Adam Carolla]

Give it to someone else.

[Allison Rosen]

Earl Grey.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm fine.

[Allison Rosen]

Chamomile?

[Adam Carolla]

No, nothing. Nothing. Good. Keep walking, please. Go. Nothing going on. I'm asleep.

[Camilla Ludington]

Well, I've seen on some airlines now I forget which one. I think like Emirates has now double beds.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they have rooms with closing doors. All right. So Gary, where were you going with this kind of pod? London. Wow. What? The pod.

[Camilla Ludington]

I was probably. I was next.

[Bald Bryan]

No wonder.

[Adam Carolla]

What? How old were you? 25. Wow, 25. Flying the pod.

[Bald Bryan]

Was your family on the same plane?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh yeah, they were in their own pods.

[Allison Rosen]

How old are you now?

[Adam Carolla]

29. Okay's coming up. Don't you know. You didn't get the ebite. 3 4. His three quarter birthday's coming up.

[Bald Bryan]

You pleasured yourself on a plane in a pod and your family was also in a nearby pod.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I'm hoping they don't listen to this episode.

[Bald Bryan]

Oh my God.

[Adam Carolla]

Did.

[Bald Bryan]

Did each Smith have its own pod? His or her?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they're only one person.

[Bald Bryan]

One person per pod.

[Allison Rosen]

And there was a lot.

[Bald Bryan]

I've never traveled in a pod.

[Camilla Ludington]

They're not that private though.

[Adam Carolla]

Private enough?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Allison Rosen]

Gary, you had a shot with Camilla up until then.

[Camilla Ludington]

Does the airline matter? Are there like certain sexy like would you do it on Southwest?

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, you would definitely do it too large. You would do it on Virgin America.

[Adam Carolla]

If he had a bulkhead seat.

[Camilla Ludington]

Virgin Atlantic.

[Allison Rosen]

Those are sexy stewards.

[Camilla Ludington]

That's a sexy Flag.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna ask a question that's going to make the gal's vagina act as if kitty litter was funneled in into it.

[Bald Bryan]

Halfway there.

[Adam Carolla]

There's a certain cleanup process that takes place after one masturbates. Now, normally, one is near a toilet or a trash can or something like that. But in this particular case, the only way to get rid of the extras, whether they be Fresca cans or napkins filled with spunk, is to hand it off to somebody who's picking those things up. Not true. Not true.

[Allison Rosen]

What prevents me from going to the bathroom?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, he got up and went to the bathroom. To clean up.

[Allison Rosen]

He bent over, 90 degree angle.

[Adam Carolla]

I went to the bathroom to dispose of the remnants. All right, okay, listen. The pod part, you know, it's a long flight. You have the pod. I'm shocked you got your tablet.

[Camilla Ludington]

I feel so naive.

[Adam Carolla]

Who. Who here grow up has pleasure themselves on a flight? No, no, Dawson. Yes. Okay. Coming back from Vegas one time, it needed to be done. That's a fucking fight.

[Camilla Ludington]

That's a short flight.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, factor in the taxi and it is almost 50 minutes.

[Camilla Ludington]

Oh, my God.

[Adam Carolla]

You're only allowed to stand up for 31 minutes of that flight, max.

[Allison Rosen]

Maybe it was a tell. When the light went off, the seatbelt light, he sprinted in the bathroom.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Vegas. Wow. So that's a bathroom. So when you guys are in there washing your hands and brushing your teeth. No.

[Bald Bryan]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

No, it was. It was like after a bachelor party. You spent all freaking night, you know, with a whole bunch of dudes. You can't do anything about it. You're hungover. You're on a plane. Dump some of that up in the air. So, hey, everybody, Dawson's putting the cock and cockpit. He's up there. Jade, Stage four. All right, so Matt. Matt Pours and Punisher says no. Chris says no liars. Well, Chris is beat off on a bus with 22 other dudes on it. Right? All right, Kaelin? Yes. Okay. You see?

[Allison Rosen]

I'm like the lucky hat.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I love about women?

[Bald Bryan]

He travels to England frequently. I hope it was in a pod.

[Adam Carolla]

You guys have no idea. Like, if somebody said you were. Look, we're talking. We're not talking about weirdo, degenerate, old, creepy dudes. We're talking about young, semi attractive. You know what I mean? Like, guys educated, blah, blah, blah. If I said to you, what percentage of those guys have masturbated on a flight? You'd be like, oh, like, 3%. 3%. Like, maybe no. 50 this.

[Camilla Ludington]

No way.

[Bald Bryan]

I think our relationship with men's masturbation is sort of like Perry and reality.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Bald Bryan]

Or a child and Santa Claus. It's like we know it exists, but we're not fully signed off on it.

[Adam Carolla]

You have the relationships with masturbation that we have with you guys making a number two. Which is we just don't want to. We don't want to know, we don't want to think about it, assume it happens, it's there, but it's never something we want to explore, get to the bottom of, not pardon the punishment. It's none of that. But I'm telling you that I would bet you. And by the way, that number, as the flights keep getting cheaper and the animals fill the layovers. Layovers? That number is going to be over 50% in the next three years.

[Allison Rosen]

I can see that.

[Adam Carolla]

Sad.

[Bald Bryan]

Wow.

[Allison Rosen]

Once you and I get ours done.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I always have the dignity to beat off in the Town Car on the ride over.

[Allison Rosen]

You're a real man of the paper.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Bald Bryan]

Mm.

[Camilla Ludington]

Yeah, the Uber.

[Adam Carolla]

I love that. Dawson, was a Vegas flight to Burbank?

[Allison Rosen]

Amazing.

[Camilla Ludington]

Seriously?

[Adam Carolla]

No, I think it was lax. Okay, so there's another seven minutes.

[Bald Bryan]

Naive question, but is it like, oh, that'd be fun to jerk off on this plane, or is it like, I'm so turned on, I must relieve it?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, man, I love that fucking Fiesta mix so much.

[Bald Bryan]

Which one is it?

[Allison Rosen]

It's a 2080. Well, ask the guys who've done it.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna speak for Gary and say that you take a 25 year old and put him on a. In a pod with a tablet or computer that's filled with porn.

[Allison Rosen]

And this must be taken advantage of.

[Camilla Ludington]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Seven hours to kill. He's gonna kill his junk. As I said, I wanted my money's worth. That's right. Okay. All right. Scary, right?

[Camilla Ludington]

My flight home has completely changed, by the way.

[Bald Bryan]

I'll be freaking out.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you're welcome back to England. Oh, for sure. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, you know what's great? The great thing is we have a couple of young ladies here disgusted at this notion. Whereas if a guy found out that 50% of women masturbate on a plane, we would masturbate. Just that statistic as we spoke.

[Allison Rosen]

The universe might implode.

[Adam Carolla]

Are you disgusted?

[Bald Bryan]

Are you disgusted? I'm not disgusted. I'm just surprised.

[Camilla Ludington]

I don't know, because I'm just wondering if, like, you know, it just makes.

[Bald Bryan]

You reconsider everything, right?

[Camilla Ludington]

Like, you know, the air hostess is having to grab it.

[Adam Carolla]

But also, do you guys feel like too like the cross contamination person who's been in that bathroom for what feels like a fortnight. Like, what is really going on in there now?

[Bald Bryan]

Now I have to think this might be going on.

[Adam Carolla]

Like when some 26 year old dude goes in there and seems to spend like 18 minutes and then you're like, what the is going on in that bathroom?

[Bald Bryan]

Wonder that.

[Camilla Ludington]

Yeah, now we know.

[Adam Carolla]

Now you know. Yeah, look, when it happened on the airplane, it was in the bathroom. One, two was pretty necessary. It was necessary. Bathroom. It was just necessary. You wanted to land that plane safely, didn't you?

[Camilla Ludington]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Did you want to? Throbbing full bags, sitting back 100% true. Take the edge off.

[Bald Bryan]

Flight safety is important to all of us.

[Adam Carolla]

It is important to all of us.

[Bald Bryan]

I think I get this.

[Adam Carolla]

It was pretty selfish. When you pass judgment, it's a long.

[Allison Rosen]

Super subtle trip back.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. That's right.

[Bald Bryan]

I feel bad for even, even questioning the necessity.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's bring it home.

[Bald Bryan]

That's the news. I'm Allison Rosenz. If it cunt. Oh, that'd be fun to jerk off on this plane.

[Adam Carolla]

That was the news with Allison Rosen. All right, let's all cleanse our minds. And Camille, where do we get. Let me get your Twitter. You want people to shoot you some tweets?

[Camilla Ludington]

I am Camille Luddington.

[Adam Carolla]

Camille Luddington is where you go to send the tweets out. So until next time, this is Adam Crolla for Camille Ludington, Allison Rosen, and bald Bryan. Say it. Mahalo.

[Camilla Ludington]

That's a huge dick. What do we do with it?

[Allison Rosen]

All right, there's Adam Crawl Show 1437. That does it for today's Crawl classics. That does this weekend for all classics. Until next time, mollop and get it on.