Chuck Negron + Stephen Malkmus (Carolla Classics)

Summary

Adam Carolla Show (Carolla Classics)

Episode: Chuck Negron + Stephen Malkmus

Date: April 26, 2026
Featured Guests: Chuck Negron (Three Dog Night), Stephen Malkmus (Pavement)
Host: Adam Carolla
Co-Hosts: Gina Grad, Brian “Bald Bryan” Bishop

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Overview

This Carolla Classics episode features two standout interviews from the archives of The Adam Carolla Show: first, classic rock legend Chuck Negron, best known as the voice of Three Dog Night, opens up about the band’s dizzying rise, addiction, and survival; later, indie rock icon Stephen Malkmus talks music, life, and culture. Throughout, Adam, Gina, and Bryan bring their signature mix of humor and heartfelt curiosity, delivering laughs and memorable stories from rock’s past and present.

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Segment 1: Chuck Negron (Three Dog Night)

Starts: 01:27

Three Dog Night’s Legacy & “Black and White”

• Chuck’s accomplishments: 90 million albums sold, 18 consecutive top-20 hits, 6 #1 songs, 12 gold albums.
• Adam lauds deeper cuts like “Eli’s Coming” but expresses his love for “Black and White,” a civil rights anthem. He knocks “Ebony and Ivory” as “soulless and empty,” adding:

  “Ebony and Ivory stunk pretty bad...when this was the ultimate black folk, white folk song.” — Adam (02:39)

• Chuck shares “Black and White”’s origin:

  “Alan Arkin’s father wrote it. Just the lyrics, which were part of the [civil rights] march...we just thought it was a really good cut. We had no idea it would do as well as it did.” — Chuck (04:31)

Early Years, Success, and Drug Culture

• The band’s evolution: Formed in 1967, produced by Brian Wilson, then Gabriel Meckler (“Born to Be Wild,” Steppenwolf).

  “From ‘67 to ‘77...we didn't stop. Put out about 12 albums. It was amazing.” — Chuck (06:39)

• Touring with Steppenwolf: Wild on-the-road tales, eccentricities of fellow bands, pre-TSA era high jinks.
• Chuck, an ex-NYC all-city basketball player, describes his late introduction to drugs:

  “I didn’t have a drink or smoke until I was in my 20s...A girl came over and kissed me and dropped something in my mouth. That’s how I started—acid.” — Chuck (09:00-09:50)

• Adam and Chuck discuss the era’s public drug use, lack of stigma, and how opioids are “insidious” because adults with no prior history can become addicts after an injury (10:14-12:00).
• Chuck shares a story about a carpenter’s path to opioid addiction, lamenting how “these drugs should be monitored much better.”

  “This guy is not your junkie...he got caught up in drugs that probably should be monitored much better.” — Chuck (11:39)

Drug Company Cynicism & Addiction’s Toll

• Adam’s skepticism about pharmaceutical companies’ motives:

  “That’s not moving product...You get a bunch of guys doing 100 tablets a day—that’s moving product.” — Adam (13:17)

• Chuck describes the intensifying cravings from opioids and the flawed myth of “long-term pain relief” (14:43-16:10).

Three Dog Night’s Drug Scene & Band Drama

• Drugs in the band: Bassist fired after violent cocaine debt incident, Danny Hutton’s near-death touring, others fell to heroin.

  “Our keyboard player, he gets hooked on heroin...he was my best man at my wedding.” — Chuck (21:47)

• Chuck’s fall: Despite wealth (“3 or 4 million, pension plan, buildings”), addiction left him with nothing (“Let it all go”).
  • Tells a story where Greg Allman finds him in bad shape (“Greg Allman’s telling me, I’m really bad.”), to which Chuck admits stealing Allman's watch and later making amends by returning a better one:

  "When I got clean, I bought him the greatest watch. And on the back I said, 'For the one I stole from you.'" — Chuck (25:04)

• Surviving on royalties, owning masters; Adam calls Three Dog Night “ubiquitous.” Chuck notes the band's music in movies “makes my life very comfortable.” (25:59)

Stories of Touring, Legacy, and Band Reunions

• Opening acts: “Everybody. Aerosmith, ELO, Ike and Tina Turner, Rod Stewart, Journey.” Anecdote on Rod Stewart’s diva attitude (29:38).
• Band splits, failed reunions: Chuck describes how old resentments kept them apart—leaving millions "on the table":

  “I was willing to do it...we were offered $9 million. But they couldn’t be in the same room. And at 60, after 35 years, it was still impossible.” — Chuck (36:08)

• Chuck’s addiction: 20 years on heroin, 37 rehabs, says:

  “You wake up and you no longer want to use drugs...it is a prayer and an answer.” — Chuck (37:18)

• Adam: "It's crazy...there's no way you could get 2% of America to understand that scenario." (37:08)

Life After Three Dog Night & Staying Creative

• Now clean and performing on "the Happy Together Tour" (40:44).
• Still works, records with his daughters (“My sixth solo album”), performs Three Dog Night songs live—no restrictions (41:49).
• Adam and Chuck discuss legal vetting of memoirs, with Chuck recalling an attorney’s request to remove curse-laden phrases:

  "You have 17 'suck my dick's...Are you willing to take that out?"—Chuck (44:16)

• Memorable moment: Chuck tells his "broken wiener" story—suffering a penile injury in a romantic mishap (54:22–56:54).

Hits and Harmony

• Reflecting on “Joy to the World,” “Shambala,” and others; Gina and Jake share stories of these songs at weddings and personal events (45:17, 46:47).
• Chuck:

  “We were better live than any record we made...great band. No one wanted to follow us.” (47:54)

• Adam: “Sad all you junkies outlive the clean-living fly fisherman. There is no God.” — Adam (50:32)

On Music Rights & Songwriting

• Chuck recounts encounters with Randy Newman and Harry Nilsson; revamping songs into hits.

  "[Randy Newman’s wife] said, ‘Put my kids through college with that song.'" (26:55) "Harry and I became very good friends...when he got drunk, you had to leave because he liked to fight." (57:45)

• Adam on the windfall of owning publishing:

  "You write a song at 23 and 50 years later, someone pays you a wad of cash to put it in their movie. That’s the greatest thing ever." (26:02)

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Segment 2: Stephen Malkmus (Pavement)

Starts: 187:14

Portland, Band Life & Perception of Time

• Stephen describes how he landed in Portland:

  “I just ended up there, moving back west...time moves fast the older you get.” (188:13)

• Adam likens aging to how distances feel shorter with experience:

  “Growing up [driving to SF] took forever; now it’s just done. Nothing's changed except your perception.” (188:41)

Musical Upbringing and Influences

• Malkmus on his college days (history major, UVA), and favorite bands—from the Pretenders, Graham Parker, Joe Jackson, to more left-of-center late-70s/80s acts (196:07).
• Adam and Stephen agree on the value of “short, poppy, clever” songwriting.
• Memorable 80s meet-cute:

  “I met Chrissie Hynde in an elevator in Stockton, California...I just sat there like a teenager who shouldn’t be in the elevator.” — Malkmus (197:53)

Modern Pop Critique – “Take That Tune” Game

• They play a guessing game to see how long Adam tolerates contemporary chart-toppers (“God’s Plan” by Drake, “Meant to Be” by Bebe Rexha, etc.).
• Adam’s takes:

  “I’m done with the auto-tune...I can’t take the fake non-singing anymore.” (205:19)
  “Nothing wrong with it. Just kind of been there and done that.” (211:01)
  “This song—we don't need this song. There's 3,000 songs that have this sort of pace and piano.” (212:44)

• Funny exchange about country acts and cultural mismatches, and Adam's surprise when he realizes Florida-Georgia Line is a country act not an R&B group (208:46).

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Notable Quotes & Anecdotes

On Opioids and Big Pharma

• "One of the things that’s happening is these opioids are touching, hitting a part of the brain that stimulates almost immediately a craving...when heroin was legal, you could buy it over the counter...they stopped it because it was too dangerous. Now, why not this?" — Chuck Negron (14:43)

On Band Feuds and Reunions

• “Artists may be the douchiest of all time...they never [bury] the hatchet...so much money and entertainment lost because they can’t be in the same room.” — Adam Carolla (30:53)
• “We were offered $9 million…[but] they couldn’t be in the same room.” — Chuck Negron (36:08)

On Recovery

• “When you wake up and you no longer want to use drugs, it is a prayer and an answer. Just, let me die or please stop this obsession.” — Chuck Negron (37:18)

On Legal Memoirs

• “[Lawyer]: 'You have 17 “suck my dick’s in here. Will you take that out?’ I said, I can take it all out but 'suck my dick.’” — Chuck Negron (44:16)

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Timestamps — Key Segments

• 01:27 — Chuck Negron intro, Three Dog Night memories
• 04:25 — Story of “Black and White”
• 06:42 — Three Dog Night’s rise (’67–’77)
• 09:00 — Drugs, fame, and the LA music scene
• 13:17 — Pharma companies & opioid crisis
• 21:47 — Band members’ drug problems and incidents
• 24:22 — Hitting bottom, Allmans story, making amends
• 25:59 — Publishing, royalties, music in films
• 36:08 — Multi-million dollar reunion offers declined
• 40:44 — Chuck’s current performing, life after addiction
• 45:17 — “Joy to the World” at weddings, personal stories
• 54:22 — The “broken wiener” story (!)
• 57:45 — Friendship with Harry Nilsson
• 187:14 — Stephen Malkmus segment begins
• 194:07 — Adam’s musical tastes, 1970s/80s
• 204:06 — "Take That Tune" modern music game

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Tone & Style

• Adam’s signature blend: unfiltered humor, pop culture commentary, and empathy for both the rock-star highs and human lows.
• Guests are candid, comfortable, no topic too taboo—from tales of addiction and survival to music industry mechanics and generational changes in pop culture.

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For Listeners

• Chuck Negron’s segment is essential for any classic rock fan or music history buff—raw war stories, inside tales of hits, addiction, and the enduring power of song.
• Stephen Malkmus’ interview is a treat for indie/alt-rock listeners and anyone curious about life transitions, musical influences, and pop culture’s shifting tastes.

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Transcript

[Gina Grad]

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[Brian Bishop]

Welcome to Coral Classics.

[Chuck Negron]

I'm your host, superfan Giovanni. This is the podcast we play the

[Adam Carolla]

best moments, highlights and fans like the

[Chuck Negron]

clips from all 17 years of the Adam Carolla Show.

[Brian Bishop]

If you'd like to hear any of the full episodes played today, make sure

[Adam Carolla]

make sure to check out Adam Carolla

[Brian Bishop]

substack adamcarolla.substack.com There you'll find the complete uncensored Adam Carolla show archives ad free along with the archives the Adam and

[Chuck Negron]

Dr. Drew show as well as the new podcast Beat It Out. Now if you'd like to request a

[Brian Bishop]

clip, Please email us classicsdamcorla.com alright, let's

[Chuck Negron]

get to the clips coming up.

[Brian Bishop]

First we have Adam Kurolla show 2282.

[Chuck Negron]

This one's actually a listener request from Kent H. Kent wrote in and asked, hello, Is there a possibility of listening to the whole episode with Chuck Negron? There is indeed. Kentucky, you're very welcome. Good day.

[Adam Carolla]

Gina Grad, good day to you. And Bull Bryan. Nobody likes preaching more than me. Chuck Negron here from Three Dog Night, the book Three Dog Nightmare, the Chuck Negron story. I love Three Dog Night. I guess everyone loves Three Dog Night. Good to see you, Chuck.

[Chuck Negron]

Oh man, Nice to be here.

[Adam Carolla]

I've heard stories, legendary stories about Chuck. Maybe it was from sitting too close to doct Drew. I remember hearing stories about selling a building he owned just to get drugs.

[Producer/Announcer]

Oh yeah, I did stuff like that.

[Adam Carolla]

And I just remember thinking, man, who was deeper into drugs than Chuck Nagaron? I mean, we've heard a lot of stories. We've heard about like snorting ants with Ozzy Osbourne.

[Chuck Negron]

Oh my God, the poor guy, he didn't know he couldn't get high. He thought he could get high and everything because basically he's high. I mean, he doesn't need anything.

[Adam Carolla]

So Chuck first.

[Brian Bishop]

Ozzy Osbourne.

[Chuck Negron]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Three Dog Night. 90 million albums sold. 90 million albums sold. 18 consecutive top 20 hits and six number one songs and 12 gold albums. I mean, it couldn't have Gotten any bigger than Three Dog Night. I will say I've always said I love some of the deeper cuts, like Eli's Coming and songs like that, but I've always said that Black and White is one of my favorite songs. And it bothered me that Ebony and Ivory got a lot of spins when this was the ultimate black folk, White folk song. Ebony and Ivory stunk pretty bad. Let's listen to this for a second. The ink is black, the page is white. Together we learn to read and write. A child is black, a child is. It's ironic that the Paul McCartney Michael Jackson song is so soulless and so empty. Like the two of the greatest musicians get together, write a song about. I think it's. I think it's Michael Jackson.

[Chuck Negron]

Well, you know, two white guys, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Brian, you got that look you did say, say, say.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, maybe I think you're right, Brian.

[Adam Carolla]

It was Stevie Wonder.

[Gina Grad]

Stevie Wonder.

[Adam Carolla]

He's shung.

[Gina Grad]

That's what I remember.

[Chuck Negron]

No, I don't think so.

[Gina Grad]

Michael Jackson.

[Chuck Negron]

It's Michael Jackson. Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Stevie Wonder.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, Stevie Wonder. Oh, even worse.

[Gina Grad]

It's way worse.

[Brian Bishop]

He did say, say, say around the same time.

[Chuck Negron]

That's what got me.

[Producer/Announcer]

He started working with All Girl Is Mine, don't forget.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, God, can we please go back to Black and White?

[Adam Carolla]

The girls.

[Chuck Negron]

That was a civil rights.

[Adam Carolla]

That song for the.

[Chuck Negron]

They didn't have any music. This was a civil rights. And what? Just. Alan Arkin's father wrote it.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Chuck Negron]

Yeah, yeah. He was part of the civil rights bill I got.

[Adam Carolla]

He wrote Black and White.

[Chuck Negron]

Not the music, just the lyrics, which were. Were part of the march. They'd sing a world. Child is black, A child is white. And we got a hold of it and got some music to it and became a number one record. We just thought it really basically was a really good cut. We had no idea it was going to do as well as it did.

[Adam Carolla]

How long was Three Dog night around before Three Dog Night had success?

[Chuck Negron]

1967, we got together. Brian Wilson produced us. He wanted to sign us to Brother Records. And we went in and recorded a couple of songs with the LA Philharmonic. Brian was just over the top with really great production. And then the brothers came and said, we need these songs and you need to work with us. So it was like, so intense with the families. You know, we just wanted to get out of there.

[Adam Carolla]

Brothers like Wilson, basically, it was Mike

[Chuck Negron]

Love who was kind of really against the whole thing.

[Adam Carolla]

But the brothers, you know how you can tell? He's in the Beach Boys. He wears A goddamn Beach Boys hat everywhere he goes, which drives me insane. I don't know why. I'm obsessed with it.

[Chuck Negron]

Yeah, he does.

[Adam Carolla]

Dave Chappelle. Doesn't bother me as much, him wearing jackets that say Chappelle on them. I don't know why. But Mike Love.

[Brian Bishop]

Why would Mike Love cover up that gorgeous head of hair with a hat all the time?

[Chuck Negron]

I've asked him that.

[Adam Carolla]

That's so weird.

[Chuck Negron]

So he's a character.

[Adam Carolla]

You. So you guys around in 67, it's. It's beach Boys at the beginning and. And Love and everything else. But then when.

[Chuck Negron]

So we go from. We go from Brian to Van Dyke Parks. You. You know who Van Parks wrote with Brian? He wrote Smile, Smiley Smile and Heroes and Villains and. Anyway, so we went with him. It didn't work. And then we ended up with Gabriel Meckler. And this is all in one year. And he did Born to Be Wild. He produced Born, one of the classic rock songs. And we went in the studio in 68 when I hit the same year in 69 with our first number one record. So from 67 to 70, almost 77. We didn't. We didn't stop. Put about 12 albums and it was amazing.

[Adam Carolla]

Magic Carpet Ride and Born To Be Wild are the same guys. Yeah, right, right. So Steppenwolf, right?

[Chuck Negron]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

And then Three Dog Night. And so the thing that's always weird is I've always had the Magic Carpet Ride. Always sounded Three dog nighty to me.

[Chuck Negron]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it always had a. If you think about Three Dog Night back in the day and stepping along.

[Chuck Negron]

You heard that? Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I have a weird. I'm not good at anything, but I hear. Same organ. Always sounded like a Three Dog Night song to me.

[Chuck Negron]

Same organ, same studio, same engineers.

[Adam Carolla]

Damn, there it is. Brian's fast. Yeah. So now I know why. It just reminded me. It's like a weird. It's like a chef cooking the same meal, but they're different. Different meals, but you had his flavor on it. And you guys went out with Step Wall Fight.

[Chuck Negron]

They were. They were. They were big act. We opened for them and they were the. The first act that we were ever on the road with the big act. And the first trip, we were getting on the plane and they stopped John K. At the door of the plane and said, open that case.

[Adam Carolla]

Lead singer from.

[Chuck Negron]

Yeah, John K. Used to call it

[Adam Carolla]

John K. And Steppenwolf back then.

[Chuck Negron]

Yeah. That's when I guess the name thing was up for. And he opened this thing had all these chains and handcuffs and all right.

[Adam Carolla]

Strap ons.

[Chuck Negron]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they always tell me if you got a room next to John Move

[Brian Bishop]

things that come through the walls, I

[Chuck Negron]

don't know why they could. They knew it was in there. But anyway, so we went, oh, these guys are nuts. Little did I know I was gonna, you know, be nuts myself.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, you were like an all city basketball player in high school. And so you're athletic. And to be an all city. What city?

[Chuck Negron]

New York.

[Adam Carolla]

New York. So to be an all city basketball player means in a city like New York, it means you're very accomplished athletically. So obviously, drugs, alcohol, not a big part of your life. None, zero, zero, zero. So when did it come in?

[Chuck Negron]

As soon as I eventually got a record deal with Columbia as a solo act. And they. They just said, you gotta. You gotta change your. Your whole look. I look, you know, I look like a choir boy. And they started sending me to openings, premieres, and I looked different than everyone. You know, I ironed my socks. I swear to God, I was just that kind of a guy. So, you know, little by little, you know, I saw the people that were happening did not look like me. And then I ran into Danny Hutton, one of the guys from 3 Dark Night at the party, who had a hit at the time, Roses and Rainbows. And a girl came over to me and kissed me and dropped something in my mouth. And he said, did you just go, man, it's so cool. And what do you think it is, you know? I know, I know. It was acid. It was acid. So I started right out, right out of the gate. And the thing was, I really liked it.

[Adam Carolla]

Acid?

[Chuck Negron]

Yeah, I liked it.

[Adam Carolla]

Which, what was your weapon of choice?

[Chuck Negron]

Eventually, whatever you had. No, basically, I ended up with heroin. I like cocaine, but I ended up with heroin. And I just wasn't a guy that would ever get there. And I did. I don't know how I did. I mean, I didn't have a drink of smoke until I was in my 20s.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I think. I think the thing that's pretty insidious about drugs and now, especially with this whole opioid thing, which Dr. Drew's on the warpath about us sitting next to him yesterday, but. So normally the thing that's insidious about drugs is you can make it out of high school, out of college, be fully formed, be voting, and have all your thoughts together and then become a junkie.

[Chuck Negron]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

But the thing that's crazy about the opioid thing is you can do this when you're 50. Exactly. Usually if you can make it to 30, 30. Nobody starts smoking in their 30s. Nobody starts.

[Chuck Negron]

I did a 25.

[Adam Carolla]

Nobody really starts with the cocaine or all the stuff we're talking about. If you make it through your 20s, it's like crime. It's like crime who? Violent crime. Who's involved with all the violent crime? Men 15 to, you know, it's like men 16 to 25 or 27. Well, if you can make it through that corridor without putting your hands on another citizen, you're not going to start mugging people in your 30s.

[Chuck Negron]

I would say that's true.

[Adam Carolla]

The thing about the whole opioid thing is you have guys that formerly didn't even drink or do anything else and they screwed their backup and then they got prescribed this and 47 year old guys becoming junkies in middle age in middle America with no history of this.

[Chuck Negron]

That's insidious and that is. I talked to Carpenter two days ago, who, who, who read an article that was on fox. FOX did this article.

[Adam Carolla]

I did.

[Chuck Negron]

Anyway, he read it and he sent me an email and he left his phone number. So, so I called him. 45 year old carpenter, who'd never done drugs or drank his whole life, but because of the work he did, his knees were shot and, and he was strung out and been strung out for years now because, and he was trying to find a way to get clean. This guy is not your junkie. He's, you know, he's a guy that got caught up in drugs that probably should be monitored much better. And you know, when heroin was legal and heroin was, you know, you could buy it over the counter, they stopped it because it was too dangerous. You know, I don't understand. Well, I do understand money, but they don't just give another drug, get that drug off the market.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I have couple things and we'll get back in a three dog night. I used to say to Drew in 1997, 98 early, he'd tell me about guys that had 100 pill a day Vicodin habits. And I would say to him, well, this has to be a windfall for the drug companies, the manufacturers, the pharmaceutical companies. And he'd go oh no, please, no, come on. And I'd say, well wait a minute, they're in the business of selling drugs, Vicodin. It's something if taken as prescribed, you have to get your wisdom teeth pulled or have back surgery or something.

[Gina Grad]

Total.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And then you take four or five and then you're done with it. You get your wisdom teeth pulled Once you have oral surgery or whatever, you take five or six or whatever for the next few days, and then you're done for the rest of your life or for the next several years. That's not moving product. You get a whole bunch of guys doing 100 tablets a day. That's moving product. And he drew, always pooh, poohed it. He was like, you're too cynical. No, the drug companies are not happy about this. And I said, why wouldn't they be happy about it? And I was just like an atheist. And he kept telling me I was naive and I didn't know what I was talking about.

[Chuck Negron]

Like the cigarette companies.

[Adam Carolla]

He doesn't say that now, by the way.

[Brian Bishop]

You can be not happy, but also recognize that something's profitable. Like, boy, more addicts like you. Probably not saying that, but you're like, this clearly increases our bottom line. This is a future.

[Adam Carolla]

If you sell toilet paper, you should hope that TPing houses comes back and votes. They're taking your product and throwing it into the air instead of two wipes at a time.

[Chuck Negron]

Oh, my God.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, I'm sure there were New York, you know, construction. Many of them who benefited, benefited from 9, 11, rebuilding the whatever. But they were happy about it. Like, they're not.

[Adam Carolla]

So you're pro terrorist.

[Brian Bishop]

Was that not on?

[Adam Carolla]

Jesus Christ. You really walked into it. I went right up to the line and danced on it. You sped up.

[Gina Grad]

You need.

[Adam Carolla]

No, he does say that now he does go. I blame the drug companies. Of course, they were profiting off this. And my thing was just a simple math. How could they not be profiting? Well, what's happening?

[Chuck Negron]

One of the things that's happening is these opioids are touching, hitting a part of the brain that stimulates almost immediately a craving, a desire for it. That usually happens after months or years of Support.

[Gina Grad]

Is available 247 with Verbocare. We're here day or night, ready whenever you need help. Because a great trip starts with the right support,

[Chuck Negron]

using certain, Certain drugs.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Well, that's the other thing. It's like instant, instant, instantaneously.

[Chuck Negron]

These people, you know, they believe that they, you know, they need it even when they're buying it on the street. Like, you know, I said. I said, didn't you run out of your prescription to this guy? And he said, well, yeah, I can get him on the streets. I said, wasn't that a sign that something was wrong? You're going into neighborhoods, you're a carpenter. And. Well, yeah, but I needed them, you know, just.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the study Just came out too, that just basically said, long term pain relief. This is not an effective way to go.

[Chuck Negron]

Not at all.

[Adam Carolla]

Not at all at all. Like, it's great for the oral surgery in the next three days. And Drew said even two weeks, but after that, not effective. So the fact that you have this pain and it's six months after the accident or whatever it is, and you need more to get right, it doesn't even work. It's not even effective.

[Chuck Negron]

It's very sad.

[Adam Carolla]

It is sad.

[Chuck Negron]

I fell and broke two ribs in my house. I have to go to the emergency room. And right next to me, I could hear the guy. And he was an old man. He was an old guy. Look, I know I shouldn't have done all my pills, but. And he was there to get more pills because of his hip surgery. And they said they couldn't give him anymore. And basically all the talk he was saying he was an addict. I could hear it.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, I knew you can hear an addict.

[Chuck Negron]

I can hear it. And I said, but he, you know, he didn't know. And here's an old man that was just given. Given a drug that he shouldn't have been given. It's very, very sad.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so back to you and three dog nights. A three dog night just becomes just a juggernaut hit factory. I mean, just could do no wrong. You're ironing your socks, but you're getting your look together and you're getting exposed. In this world, obviously, high school basketball, not laden with drugs, but now the music world in the 60s, early 70s, it's non stop and nothing but. And also there is no stigma. So now if you're at a party in Hollywood and you'd like to do some cocaine, you must go to the bathroom and shut the door. In the 60s and 70s, if you weren't doing cocaine, it was stigmatized, right?

[Chuck Negron]

Yeah. Well, you know, at the Grammys, the first Grammy I'd ever been to. Went into the bathroom. What year this was? 60? No, 70. 1970. First Grammys. We were invited to do a number that wasn't even nominated. It couldn't be nominated. It came out too late. But it was so huge, they had us sing the song. The next year it was nominated a whole year. It was a hit. And Joy of the world. And we did it again. But when I went into the bathroom to do a little cocaine, two heads of two major companies said, no, try this.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Chuck Negron]

Executives, Executives. So everyone, it was out in the open. And, you know, I mean, I thought I went I can't believe, I can't believe this. And the way it was. I was actually pretty naive, but I caught up, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you have alcoholism in your family? Because something it took with you big time, right?

[Chuck Negron]

My uncle, I had an uncle that I didn't even know was an alcoholic until I became a drug addict and I went, oh, my uncle did. My uncle, when I asked my mother, he said, oh yeah, he was a raving, raving drunk. So you had my uncle, my mother's

[Adam Carolla]

brother, you had the genetic component. Yes, exactly for it. And what did it then? I'll tease it. But when did it start coming undone? Because there's obviously there's a time when you can live with this. You can live with your bandmates, they can live with you. Everyone can be high, you can make money, you can sell records and all that. But then at a certain point it'll catch up to you and I want to know how long you're able to do it. Who else in the band was into it and how long before it caught up? And when it did catch up, what was the representation of it catching up to you? I'll tell you about Marcia Clark investigates the first 48 new original docuseries. Premieres Thursday, March 29, 9pm Only on a and E. Marcia Clark delves into some of America's most shocking unsolved crimes and controversial verdicts. Verdict each 2 hour 2 hour episode explores a different investigation, taking an in depth look at the first 48 after the crime to uncover new revelations and angles. Controversial murder cases include Casey Anthony's daughter Kaylee and Chandra Levy. God, so much misinformation about everything all the time.

[Brian Bishop]

Speaking of benefiting from 9 11.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Robert Blake's wife, Bonnie Lee Bakley.

[Stephen Malkmus]

Remember her?

[Adam Carolla]

Run DMC's Jam Master J and Drew Peterson's wife Stacy. You're going to be all over this, Gina.

[Gina Grad]

I can't wait.

[Adam Carolla]

Lynette's gonna be all over.

[Gina Grad]

I love Marcia Clark. I cannot wait for this.

[Adam Carolla]

That is Thursday, March 29th at 9:00pm on AE. So, Chuck, by the way, the book, Three Dog Nightmare, the Chuck Negron Story, Final edition, available now on Amazon, Originally published in 1999, but 11 new chapters and 100 new photos. So check it out and bookmark us and click through us and help the whole thing get along here. So you're into drugs? What's the rest of the band into?

[Chuck Negron]

Okay, so this, this is how it goes. I, you know, I play college ball as well, so I'm in really good

[Adam Carolla]

shape to get high, right?

[Chuck Negron]

It's. I'm going to last a while, right? Anyway, but some of the guys started falling. We had our bass player who we had to let go of in seven in 70 cocaine. And he, he got, he got one of. One of our people really hurt because he beat, he beat the wrong people in New York with for cocaine. And they, they almost killed our road manager who he set. He said he's got, he's got the money. And my road manager laughed at him at any rate, so. So we had to let him go. Then the second guy was Danny Hutton. He got to the point he was jaunted. Nurse he should not have been on. He literally had a real nurse that gave him B12 shots to watch him so he wouldn't die.

[Adam Carolla]

And while he's touring.

[Chuck Negron]

Touring, yeah. This guy was yellow. His eyes, everything was.

[Adam Carolla]

What was his weapon of choice? Was it cocaine?

[Chuck Negron]

Cocaine. But he could drink. I think the drink was really what was killing him. And a lot of pills. He liked his, he liked, he liked his pills. I mean, you walk by his room, there are three layers of trays with shots, shot glasses, 50 shot glasses altogether. You know, he just, he really could put it, put it away. So we finally had to, you know, let him go during that period. The keyboard player, his gets hooked on heroin now. He was my best man at my wedding. So we hung out together and you know, we both, you know, we both did it. Corey was straight as an arrow, a world class fly fisherman.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Chuck Negron]

Yeah. Yeah. We'd be coming back and he'd be on a bass boat behind a limousine, ready to go fishing at 5 in the morning, swear to God.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. And so you'd be coming home.

[Chuck Negron]

Yeah, we'd be coming home.

[Adam Carolla]

He's ready to go out.

[Chuck Negron]

Yeah, he just shake his head, you

[Brian Bishop]

know, in the movie he's the first one to die.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Chuck Negron]

So you know, so anyway, he's, you know, he was straight and the rest of the guys did cocaine, but they kind of let it go when it was, you know, when it was time. I gave them their first number one record, the first million sell, and I gave them their last, which was in 75 and 76. I gave them the last top 40 songs. So I was there from the beginning to the end. And the only three that were left of the seven was Corey Wells, Jimmy Greenspan and myself. When we decided after the Greek theater we're never going to do it again. Now that's when the problem happened for me. It was very wealthy. I had nothing to do. And I didn't think you could go through that kind of money.

[Adam Carolla]

And how much money are we talking about?

[Chuck Negron]

Well, you know, it's. I don't know, 3 or 4 million. But then I had a pension plan and I had build apartment buildings and I had this one that you were speaking of earlier in Beverly Hills that had, you know, had suites with elevators. I mean, we did every, you know, we. This place was unbelievable. And a little by little, I just let. Let it all go. And let me tell you something. I knew I was in trouble when I was taking care of my kids at my ex wife's house because she was on the road with Greg Ammon. And then she comes home with Greg Ahmed and I'm there watching the kids, sleeping on the couch and they're in, you know, my ex wife. So Greg walks in the delivery room and he looks at me and goes, man, you're really bad. Greg Almonds telling me, wow, I'm really bad.

[Brian Bishop]

Did you know him before this?

[Chuck Negron]

Oh, yeah, yeah, I knew, I knew Greg. They opened up for us. The, they opened. Armor Brothers opened up first, yes or no question. Yes. Great, great band. And, And I knew I was in trouble when Greg.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, when he.

[Chuck Negron]

I was so upset that I waited till I went to sleep and I went in the room, I stole his watch and all his money. And the next day he said, where's my stuff? And you know, I said, I don't know, you know. Anyway, we almost got into.

[Adam Carolla]

But.

[Chuck Negron]

But we didn't because I was so sick. Years later, when I got clean, I bought him the greatest watch. And on the back I said, for the one I stole from you.

[Gina Grad]

Oh my God, that's awesome.

[Chuck Negron]

And he wore it all the time.

[Brian Bishop]

That's great.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, as far as, you know, now and Three Dog Night and you know, publishing and all that. Is it. Are you set? Are you taken care of?

[Chuck Negron]

You know what? Yeah, I'm good. I'm good. I'm not a rich. I'm not a rich man, but you know, I'm good. I have my royalties. We've got, you know, we've got some publishing and I do own Seven of the Masters.

[Adam Carolla]

So the, the, the. I feel like Three Dog Night, I don't feel like Three Dog Night sort of ever went away. There, there's. There's some groups that sort of go away and then Quentin Tarantino puts their song in a movie and then they kind of come back again or something. But Three Dog Night has just always been sort of ubiquitous and in movies and things like that.

[Chuck Negron]

Alone makes my life very, very comfortable.

[Adam Carolla]

That's got to be the greatest thing ever. You write a song when you're 23 years old and many 50 years later, someone wants to pay you a wad of cash to put it in their movie. And by the way, all that's gonna do is expose more people to your music 50 years ago. And you'll sell a few more. A few more.

[Chuck Negron]

Well, they're still out there, the guys. There's two left. And they're. They're still out there as Three Dog Night Mama. This guy was great.

[Adam Carolla]

Corey.

[Brian Bishop]

Boogie Nights.

[Chuck Negron]

God, was he good.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, this is. Wasn't a song written by Randy Newman.

[Chuck Negron]

This song was written by Randy Newman. It wasn't a hit. It was not even close to a hit. It was a really bizarre. Without this field. It was, you know, it was. Is kind of Randy's story. And when he heard we were doing it, we actually got the message, how you doing? It's not a hit, guys.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Chuck Negron]

You know, and we.

[Adam Carolla]

We just revamped him.

[Chuck Negron]

It's what we did. But we ran into. Ran into Randy, Amy and I a couple of years back in the airport. And I went, hey, Randy. Oh. And his wife immediately, thank you. He said, put my kids through college with that song. She said, yeah. They were so gracious and said that. And I said, oh, you had a lot of skin. No, no, that song has really been good to us.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Then a short guy punched him in the balls walking.

[Chuck Negron]

Yeah, There you go.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So is so Three Dog Night. There is a version of Three Dog Night that's out there.

[Chuck Negron]

Two original members left. Danny Hutton, who sang Black and White, and that's really the only hit he had. Oh, no, he had Liar, which was.

[Adam Carolla]

Was a. Oh, Liar. That. Gotta find Liar.

[Chuck Negron]

Yeah, that's. That's a very great song.

[Adam Carolla]

I like that song a lot. I don't hear this song. This song doesn't get as many spins as it should.

[Chuck Negron]

No, it's because it's so different.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Chuck Negron]

You know, and that's, I think, what's great about it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Well, Three Dog Night was like. In a weird way, this is meant as a compliment, but they're like the Rascals or the Hollies. Yeah. In that they had so many different types of songs. People don't realize that the Hollies had this song and that song. And so in a weird way, you don't even know that that was that. There's all Holly songs. They're all young rascal songs or Rascals Are all Three Dog Night? Yeah, a lot of.

[Chuck Negron]

A lot of different stuff, actually. The. The. The Hollies. I mean, he and Harry. He's my brother. That's like out of left field for them. It was just really. Just great. Different song.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, because they. Oh, here come. They yell a liar at you. Yeah. Because they did long cool Woman in a Black Dress or whatever, and it all sounded completely different than. He ain't heavy. He's my brothers. That sounds good looking. Yeah.

[Chuck Negron]

Total good group.

[Adam Carolla]

I agree.

[Chuck Negron]

Yeah. I like. I like them. I like them when the Gram was with them and then when Nash one and then when he left it, you know, they. They. I think that's part of the reason they did the change. They lost that intense high voice.

[Adam Carolla]

Three Dog Night must have toured with everybody everywhere, right?

[Chuck Negron]

Yeah, but not as. Only the touring, but. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Who opened for you guys?

[Chuck Negron]

Everybody. The festivals were. Were amazing. Let's see who.

[Adam Carolla]

But you had to catch some yet.

[Chuck Negron]

The.

[Adam Carolla]

The. The thing that's cool is you had to catch people on the way up.

[Chuck Negron]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. So you had to have Aerosmith open for you.

[Chuck Negron]

Aerosmith did eloquence. Right. Ike and Tina Turner.

[Adam Carolla]

God.

[Chuck Negron]

Everybody.

[Adam Carolla]

God.

[Chuck Negron]

I can't think of anyone right now.

[Adam Carolla]

Were you about to say Rod Stewart?

[Chuck Negron]

Yeah, Rod Stewart. He was funny. We sold out the Cotton Ball and we put him on the show to sell the last thing. So actually Rod Stewart in the Faces. And he comes walking in our dressing room with his clothes, and he goes, yes, this is much better. And the roadmap goes, I'm sorry, you ruined something. He goes, it's unacceptable. And he said, I'm gonna do this

[Adam Carolla]

is good in your dressing room.

[Chuck Negron]

In our dressing room. So he said, you know, finally he said, you understand, this is the guys. He was a star before he was a star.

[Adam Carolla]

He just had. That makes sense, that attitude, you know. Did. Were there. Did you see it with your Aerosmiths or their. Or your whomever's. Did you know it? Like, oh, these guys are gonna keep going?

[Chuck Negron]

Yeah. You know, for the most part.

[Brian Bishop]

You did.

[Chuck Negron]

You did like one band I didn't think was gonna make

[Brian Bishop]

Journey,

[Chuck Negron]

you know, Steve Perry. It's such a shame this guy isn't singing. That's one of the great true tenors.

[Adam Carolla]

He unable to sing or is he choosing not to sing?

[Chuck Negron]

He just kind of wanted away from all the. The drama. And he did have hip problems. He had to have hip replacements.

[Adam Carolla]

Is there. Okay, but is there? God, it saddens me that so many bands have these riffs and they can never recover. And they leave so much money and so much entertainment and so many good memories on the table just because they can't be in the same room together anymore. Which is a weird and powerful thing that maybe, in a weird way, maybe artists are the douchiest people in the world because when. When two brothers who are loggers get into an argument, at some point, they make up and then they're able to do it again. And when blue collar guys get an argument, they get into a fist fight and then they have some beers or whatever it is. Artists may be the douchiest of all time because they keep this shit going and they never. It never. They'll never be in the same room again. What could have been. Yes. Still be the Gallaghers. I it. You might. You need an artist gene to think that way and. Or an ego or something.

[Chuck Negron]

In the early 2000s, I had a partner and we came up with a lot of money. And the. The plan was because CAA had called us and said, this is what you got to do. We want to put a tour together, right? Want to put a tour together. Just got to get off the road for a year. Want you to woodshed. I the guys were making at that time, take home 300,000 each. That's what they took. That's what they took.

[Adam Carolla]

Three dog.

[Chuck Negron]

Yeah, three. The guys on three dog night. And they were all but me and Floyd and Joe, the guy was who had passed away. We offered them $400,000 to get off the road free, right. For a year. They turned it down.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, my God.

[Chuck Negron]

They turned it down because of the. So it reinforces what you just said. They just. They just didn't, you know, there's too much, too much drama.

[Adam Carolla]

It's so. Especially as you get older and people mellow and it's like, why can't Eddie Van Halen be in the same room with David Lee Roth or Sammy Hagar? Why? Everyone's in their 50s, their 60s and beyond. What we're looking for is a payday, and then we'll go home to a nice hotel room and Rod Stewart will kick you out of your suite and put you into steerage. But this podcast is sponsored by IQ Bar.

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[Adam Carolla]

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Refuel smarter, hydrate harder, caffeinate larger with IQ Bar. Go to eatiqbar.com and enter code BAR20. To get 20% off all IQ Bar products, plus free shipping. Again, go to eatiqbar.com and Enter code BAR20. It's weird that it can't be done for so many people. And also it's weird, something that I've thought about a lot is how many adults fly in the face of logic. Like, here's your opportunity, here's your payday, here's your future. And they just go, go f yourself. I'm going over here. There's a lot of that adults. And I didn't as a kid, I didn't envision adults acting that way. Yes, Brian.

[Brian Bishop]

I was saying with the artist stuff, sometimes it never dies. We all saw the Eagles documentary, the great Eagles documentary. And there's a great, amazing moment at the end where these guys are in their 60s. They're getting together for a multi million dollar reunion tour. And I think it was Felder. Don Felder's couldn't keep it together. He's like, I want the same money as Don Henley and Glenn Freud. Like, get out like we begin with. And now you got to go, right? It never dies. This should be gravy trained to heaven.

[Chuck Negron]

And that's, that's a common story, actually. A lot of guys, that's what I'm saying. I'm sure they want, you know, you know, anyway, they want the same money and they leave.

[Adam Carolla]

The idea was you guys stay off the road for a year so we can have some demand come up. And also, we don't want this version of the band.

[Chuck Negron]

Yeah. We want to advertise it slowly for a year. We want you in, in, in the, you know, woodshedding, recording everything. And by the way, a couple of years later, they did the same thing with Fleetwood Man.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, right.

[Chuck Negron]

And that was that tour. And the same people.

[Adam Carolla]

And they came back, made a billion dollars.

[Chuck Negron]

The same people? Yeah, the same people. And it's like mind boggling that it didn't happen because then I was, I was willing to. I was willing to do it. It finally got to the point where we were offered $9 million. 3 million each to do a reunion tour. This was later by another big touring company. And I went to see them. We all sat down. Well, we didn't sit down. They didn't talk to each other. So they were in different rooms.

[Adam Carolla]

Who were the two?

[Chuck Negron]

Danny and Cory did hate each other. Matter of fact, if a hotel had one elevator, one of them stayed on the first floor.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Chuck Negron]

Yeah. Because. Because they fought. They, you know, so I spoke to them and one of them was just.

[Adam Carolla]

But how, how old are they at the time of this meeting?

[Chuck Negron]

They're 60.

[Adam Carolla]

So it's been 35 years.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, 35.

[Chuck Negron]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like that's. This was me. I couldn't do it. I spent the evening with, with Danny and it was just. He was so drunk, I couldn't even understand, you know, And I was, I was only sober, I don't know, five or eight years. I'm now 20, 26 years sober. But so for me, it was, it was a precarious situation. And I decided for my health, my health and, you know, in my life, I'm not doing it. So I walked away at that point because they was too many guys, was too fucked up. Excuse my language.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure. And they just left 9 million bucks on the, on the table.

[Chuck Negron]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Crazy. Yeah, it's crazy. I know. I don't. There's no way you could get 2% of America to understand that scenario.

[Chuck Negron]

Oh, no, not at all. I don't understand it. But you know when you go, when you're a Heroin Addict for 20 years and you've been through 37 rehabs for 13 years and you weigh 126 pounds and you have 15 teeth left and all of a sudden you're in a place and you wake up and you no longer want to use drugs, it is a prayer and an answer and just let me die or please stop this obsession. And it ended. And I knew that I was never going to put myself in a situation that I would ever go back. And Three Dog Night was a bad situation. It wasn't worth millions of dollars for me to be around that, you know.

[Brian Bishop]

So you saw where that path was going to lead.

[Chuck Negron]

Yeah, well, I didn't know. I knew it could have. Plus I didn't want to be around people who couldn't talk. It was out of there. It was like, you know, 60 year old man, he just said, love you, man.

[Adam Carolla]

Where you been? That's right.

[Chuck Negron]

You know, terrible.

[Adam Carolla]

I. I'd like to. I'm gonna tease this one which is what is. All right. Don't answer any of these questions. That's how he interviews three Dog.

[Brian Bishop]

Don't answer any of these questions.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll provide all the answers in post. I'll slug them in. And post sounded a little like Andrew Dice Clay when he did that first voice. When he does his. I don't know when he's doing his girl voice or something. But anyway, I loved him. All right, so three Dog night aside, your you're an artist, you want to perform, you want to sing, you want to play, you know, so I want to know what satiates that for you and I want to know what a day in the life of Chuck Nagron is now. And also your cousin Taylor Negron, we forgot about Taylor Negron would be one of the. If you don't know the name, certainly very recognizable when you see the face as a character. I will tell you about Beachbody on demand online fitness streaming service. Unlimited access to a variety of effective world class workouts. Personalized to your needs plus nutritional content. Convenient, accessible on your computer, web enabled tv, tablet, smartphone, any other web enabled device. No need to go to the gym. You can do it all from your home or when you're traveling in your hotel room or wherever you're at. Because. Because you got your phone with you and you can work it out that way. Annual subscription is cheaper than any gym. Membership programs for any level of fitness. Cardio, weight training, yoga, low impact dance, 600 different workouts. So what do you do? Well right now my listeners and try it out for free. Get a free trial membership. Text the word Adam to 30. 30, 30. That's Adam. Then three 30s. Check that out. It's free. Why wouldn't you do it? Take 10 seconds to check it out. Full access to all the workouts, nutrition information and it's free. Just text the word Adam to 30. 30, 30. Try it out for free. So Chuck, what is a day in the life at Chuck Negron like? And also what do you do to perform? Or do you perform or do you have that itch?

[Chuck Negron]

Yeah, I have been performing. I will do almost 60 shows this summer from June to September. I've done that for the last several years with a tour called the Happy Together Tour and it's the the Turtles and then various different artists.

[Adam Carolla]

That was their big song.

[Chuck Negron]

Yeah. As it's a great, it's a great tour and we do sheds and amphitheaters. It's really, it's a nice, and it's a nice venue and I mean A nice gig. So I do that in the summer. I just got back from Florida, just did a really great corporate show with Joe Elliott from Def Leppard, the lead singer from Death Leopard.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Chuck Negron]

Billy Ocean?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Chuck Negron]

The lead singer from Everclear.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure. Art. Alex.

[Chuck Negron]

A lot of money was spent, and these guys were fantastic. So I do that. I do those things, and I'm working all the time. Just had an album out that I did with two of my daughters. It's my sixth solo album.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you.

[Stephen Malkmus]

Are you.

[Adam Carolla]

How much. Three Dog Night material. Do you do all Three Dog Night material? Is there. Is there rules that prevent you from doing some of it?

[Chuck Negron]

No, there are no rules. Rock and roll? No.

[Adam Carolla]

But.

[Chuck Negron]

Yeah, actually, in rock and roll, there are a lot of rules now. But no, I can do anything. I can do anything I want. We've been to court already, actually. We have.

[Adam Carolla]

It can't go any other way. Yeah.

[Chuck Negron]

When I wrote the book, there was. They wanted to stop it. They hadn't even read it. And if you ever read the book, you'll see.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't.

[Chuck Negron]

I don't trash these. I don't trash these guys. You know, I mean, I didn't do it now. I just wrote a new edition. Wrote 11 new chapters and I trashed them.

[Brian Bishop]

The long game.

[Chuck Negron]

I waited. I waited. Yeah, a couple of them died. I said, it's on. I'm not going to get this done.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, as I've. As I've stated before, you know, you talk a lot of shit. When I wrote a book, a few books, but one of the books I wrote, you know it when you get on the phone with the publisher and the attorney with the publisher, and they just have to fact check. So if you said in your book, in Chuck Negron's book, he said, one night, we were on the road in Detroit. I met a young Linda Ronstadt. Embedded her in my hotel. Best sex ever had. That's fine to put in the book, but they need to vet it, right? Because if that never happened, then Linda Ronstadt's gonna sue your ass. So you have these weird, weird conversations where they go, did you actually nail Linda Ronstead or not? And I got the call from the lawyer and from the publisher. They just said, are your parents litigious? I said, I don't think they know what that means, but no. And they're like, okay, good. Cause you talked a lot of smack. I was like, wow. Asked if your parents were litigious.

[Chuck Negron]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

That's an asshole, son.

[Chuck Negron]

I have a story. They call me and they want me to go. They want me to come in. I come in and I'm sitting down. There's like 10 people in there looking at me. Everybody's very serious. And I go, you know, Chuck, this is a very uplifting book. I think a lot of Christians would like this. But one thing they're not going to like. And he says, hold on. He picks up a. Picks up Alicia's. Chuck, you have 17 youth. Six. Suck my dick. Excuse my language. Anyway, on and on and on. Said we. Were you willing to take that out? And I. You know, I said, I can take it all out, but suck my dick.

[Brian Bishop]

You're a reasonable answer.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's a great job.

[Gina Grad]

Negotiate

[Adam Carolla]

somebody. Let's see. Somebody played one of Chuck's songs at his wedding. Also, we have Andrew Dice Clay doing the girl voice. We'll listen to it, see if Chuck can do it.

[Chuck Negron]

He's doing well.

[Adam Carolla]

All the years you were dating them, they follow you around. Are we gonna get married? You think we'll ever get married? You think it would be good if we ever got married and one day to catch. Now, hold on, Chuck, that was your first drunk voice, I think. Can you do that?

[Chuck Negron]

Will we get married? Oh, Zia, darling.

[Adam Carolla]

That's him.

[Gina Grad]

That's him.

[Chuck Negron]

No, the neighborhood that I lived in, the drunks would go, darling, listen, let's talk.

[Adam Carolla]

I love you, man. I love you, man. Yeah. Jake. 27 Pensacola. Where you been, Jake? Hey, man, which one of Chuck's songs was at your wedding? Played it at your wedding.

[Chuck Negron]

Pieces of it.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, the Joy to the World.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, you gotta play that one.

[Chuck Negron]

It's a fun song.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm over here. I'm headed. I'm headed to the Meat Swap. You're heading to the what?

[Gina Grad]

Oh, the Meat Swap.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, Meat Swap. Oh, that's a gay bar.

[Chuck Negron]

Oh, right.

[Adam Carolla]

Swamp meets something different. Thanks, Jake. It's a lucky lady to have you.

[Chuck Negron]

We love you, Jay.

[Adam Carolla]

Love you, man.

[Gina Grad]

I don't mean to play the same

[Brian Bishop]

song in their divorce proceedings.

[Gina Grad]

Joy of the World. I don't mean to one up, Jake, but you've been on. You were on our morning show here In Los Angeles, 100.3. You know, Mark Thompson's on, and the day that station went off the air, every dj, everyone on air, got to come in and play the one song that meant most to them. And everybody's playing these really sad songs and these really sentimental songs. And I come in and. And Uncle Joe Benson's kind of running the whole thing. And he said, Gina, you have an interesting choice. After everything we've been listening to, I said yes. My favorite song. It's my favorite song in the whole world. On a day like this that's so bitter and sweet in some ways, but. But really sad. I want to hear the song that only brings me joy. And I played Shambhala.

[Adam Carolla]

It's my favorite song. Oh, that's right. I love.

[Chuck Negron]

Great, great song.

[Gina Grad]

I love this song. It is my favorite song. It just in general, great record.

[Adam Carolla]

The guitar is so great at the beginning.

[Gina Grad]

Just this opening.

[Chuck Negron]

Michael and our producer. Actually, The fans love this every time we do it.

[Adam Carolla]

Who's singing?

[Chuck Negron]

This one's Corey Cory. And I did. I did, like, we wanted you more than him. The hits, but, you know, it's him and I.

[Gina Grad]

You did the harmonies on this? Yes.

[Chuck Negron]

Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm doing the harmonies. High part.

[Adam Carolla]

Here it comes.

[Chuck Negron]

All that high stuff. Yeah, that's my sexy voice there.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Producer/Announcer]

I love you.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, damn.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's where it gets really high.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, it's coming.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's coming. Forgot about this one.

[Gina Grad]

It's my favorite song.

[Adam Carolla]

To love, love you. And now you can hear them, the BGBs, very deeply. How hard. Oh, wait, it's coming. We'll go up a few octaves. Enjoy. Where you been? How hard was this to recreate live?

[Chuck Negron]

We were better alive than any record we made. That's what made Three Dog Night. When people heard us, we were better than the records because we did the records. We were learning the songs, putting them together. So we did it. When we got them together, we went on the road and we just tore it up. We were the real deal. Everyone sang, everyone played. We had our own band that did every record with us. And it was a great, great live band. It was a great, great band. No one wanted us follows. In those festivals, the only one that never said no was Jimi Hendrick. But a lot of acts just bailed. They said no. You put them on, you know, after us.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. No, I. I get it. As a comedian, you don't want to go on in front of some guy that just destroys the place.

[Chuck Negron]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And. Yeah, it's. I always think about it when. When bands have songs that are, you know, tall orders, you know, like when you hear a Willie Nelson song, you go like, I guess he's not gonna be trouble crapping that. He's kind of talking into a microphone, holding a beer and smoking a joint. But sometimes you can get to this Third Eye Blind situation where your hit is sort of undoable live and that's like your big hit. And I like Steven, but that song is not. That is a very tough song to pull off live.

[Gina Grad]

And that's what the people want to

[Adam Carolla]

hear, and that's what people want to hear. And then that becomes this weird mistress because it's like, this is what they came for. But if you can't pull it off. But if you can.

[Chuck Negron]

Yeah, that.

[Adam Carolla]

We actually.

[Chuck Negron]

When we made records, we were very careful not to overdub stuff that we could not do live. That was too important. I mean, we didn't. We were very careful. Look, we're gonna have to make that in the body of the song and take out the other part because it's. We won't be able to play it live.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, and your words ring true to me as I think about doing comedy, which is. Yeah, that's right. When you're in the studio, you're not familiar with the song, or you're just familiar with the song. And then you go out and you hit the road hard and you just get so many raps. And by the time you're playing it for the hundredth time, it is tight. The way it couldn't be in the studio.

[Chuck Negron]

Yeah, exactly. We were so tight that we had to be actually careful of not looking too slick because there were nights we went, hey, guys, this is. This sounded like a record, you know, I mean, let's. You know.

[Adam Carolla]

But it was a great.

[Chuck Negron]

It was a great band. I love being. I really did love being a part of it. And, you know, they're. As I said, they're still going. But this lost two guys in the last three, four years. Corey passed away and Jimmy Greenspan passed away.

[Adam Carolla]

Was one of them the Fly Fisher?

[Chuck Negron]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, sad that all you junkies outlive the clean living fly. There is no God.

[Brian Bishop]

No.

[Chuck Negron]

No. It's not fair.

[Adam Carolla]

It's not fair.

[Chuck Negron]

And why is alive? I look much better than he did.

[Adam Carolla]

It's sad all genetics so cruel. And what is the message to my young kid?

[Brian Bishop]

Might as well take away from this.

[Adam Carolla]

Put down that rotten reel and pick up a syringe Boy, you'll be just fine. You'll be just fine.

[Gina Grad]

Yes, but speaking of, your boy Chuck brought his own stuffy today. And I don't know if you noticed that.

[Adam Carolla]

I did notice that. I chose not to comment on it. But it's too late now.

[Gina Grad]

Too late.

[Brian Bishop]

It sings.

[Adam Carolla]

It is a. Oh, it's a singing stuff.

[Chuck Negron]

Told me not to come.

[Gina Grad]

Broken wiener.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a broken wiener.

[Gina Grad]

This is a broken wiener.

[Adam Carolla]

I Heard, I heard about the broken wiener story.

[Chuck Negron]

Well, my, my, my significant other here just got tired of, of, of hearing about it. And this is her answer to your

[Adam Carolla]

wiener was broken because it was overused.

[Chuck Negron]

Yeah, yeah.

[Gina Grad]

He was in a Miss America contestant.

[Chuck Negron]

Yeah, well, Miss Oklahoma, which they hated putting in. And by the way, I had Chris Blatchford, who's I think like a 30 time Emmy winner for writing. He vetted everything. If we didn't have two to three people that verified every story I had, we didn't use it right.

[Adam Carolla]

So it was great because again, because you'd be in a lawsuit.

[Chuck Negron]

Yeah, yeah. So we, we verified everything. And so it was, you know, so it was good. Yeah. What happened was I noticed that. What did I say? Junk.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Chuck Negron]

Was getting big, you know, but, but it was very sore. But it was big. So I like the bigness I put. About what? The soreness because of the bigness.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Chuck Negron]

So anyway, I got to the point that it was very painful and I went to a doctor and they said, you have damaged some of your nerves. And the blood. He showed how the blood comes in and the blood goes out.

[Gina Grad]

What would you do if your online store converted 36% more shoppers? You could take 36% more vacation.

[Adam Carolla]

Another pina colada.

[Chuck Negron]

Yes, please.

[Gina Grad]

Open a new retail location with 36% more square feet.

[Adam Carolla]

Fantastic.

[Gina Grad]

Hire 36% more help.

[Adam Carolla]

You're hired and you're hired.

[Gina Grad]

Shopify has the world's best converting checkout up to 36% better than other e commerce platforms. What you do with those extra sales is up to you. Switch to Shopify [e-mail] setup and get a $1 trial. Shopify.com setup My name is MacKenzie and

[Adam Carolla]

I started a GoFundMe for the adoptive mother of a non verbal autistic child. The mother had lost her job because she wasn't able to find adequate care

[Chuck Negron]

for this autistic child.

[Adam Carolla]

So she really needed some help with living expenses, paying some back bills. So I launched a GoFundMe to help support them during this crisis.

[Gina Grad]

And we raised about $10,000 within just

[Adam Carolla]

a couple of months. I think that the surprising thing was by telling a clear story and just

[Gina Grad]

like really being very clear about what

[Adam Carolla]

we needed, we had some really generous

[Gina Grad]

donations from people who were really moved

[Adam Carolla]

by the situation that this family was struggling with. GoFundMe is the world's number one fundraising

[Gina Grad]

platform trusted by over 200 million people.

[Adam Carolla]

Start your GoFundMe today at gofundme.com that's gofundme.com gofundme.com this podcast is by.

[Gina Grad]

Supported. Supported by GoFundMe.

[Chuck Negron]

The blood is not leaving. And every time you get an erection, it just gonna get big, you know, it's not gonna leave, right? So you need to. You need to not have that happen because you're gonna be. You're gonna. You're gonna, you know, lose the ability to. To continue any romance.

[Adam Carolla]

So don't get a boner.

[Chuck Negron]

Don't get a bonus. So he said, you know, you have a timeout. And so I. I stopped. And a couple weeks later, I ran into this beautiful. My girlfriend's in there too. This is terrible. I ran into. That's why she did the weenie. That's. That's her. That's her answer. And I, you know, I did.

[Adam Carolla]

And you run in a Miss Oklahoma.

[Chuck Negron]

Yeah, yeah. And as I.

[Adam Carolla]

And even though the doctor said, yeah,

[Chuck Negron]

it was two weeks and it was. It was, you know, going back to its little self.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Chuck Negron]

And, you know, so, you know, one thing led to another, and during the. The connection, I heard a split. Just. I swear to God, just like psycho. Wow. Swear to go.

[Adam Carolla]

I swear to God, I believe it.

[Chuck Negron]

And she. What's that?

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Chuck Negron]

And some other stuff happened that freaked her out. And I was just blood everywhere. And we rushed me to the emergency room and all that blood is. Anyway, was really, really scary. And when they. When they stopped it and they were going to sew me up and everything was terrible. All of a sudden all these doctors and nurses were coming in and they go giggling and they're going, well, over here and like, pretending they're doing medical work and they're just goofy on me, you know. Well, over here you can see what I do. Like 10 stitches here, and we might have to stitch inside. And anyway, so I had a minor little surgery. They, you know, they sewed me back. They sewed me back up.

[Adam Carolla]

And how many stitches?

[Chuck Negron]

I think there was almost 20 because there was stitches inside and then stitches outside. It was a pretty good, you know, pretty good. Pretty good. So, you know, I was sidelined for. Put on the bench, so to speak.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Chuck Negron]

And, you know, fine. When I got older, you know, one day, you know, things weren't right and I had to go get an MMR of my. My pee pee. And they do have one for the pee pee.

[Adam Carolla]

They have an MRI machine for that.

[Chuck Negron]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Producer/Announcer]

Wow.

[Brian Bishop]

It's a smaller tube.

[Adam Carolla]

I did not know that.

[Chuck Negron]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, so. And they said, well, you know, right here, the Blood, the, the nerves aren't. And I said, that's exactly where he said, I can see the scar. And, you know, little by little, you know it, you know it, it came back to its robust.

[Adam Carolla]

God bless former self. Yeah, I love you, man. Spraying his teeth. All right, Chuck's got a heart out. We got one more question for him. And Brian in Portland's got it. Brian. Portland. Hey, I'm coming to Portland, the Aladdin theater, June 9th. So come to Portland.

[Chuck Negron]

Oh, that's a great place.

[Adam Carolla]

It is a great place. Thanks, Brian. Chuck, go ahead and ask Chuck a question.

[Brian Bishop]

Hey.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, first of all, hello, Adam, Gina and balls. I just want to say hey there. Yeah, Chuck.

[Chuck Negron]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

You have such a great reputation for being a party guy, but, you know, you guys had gotten the song one from, I believe, Harry Nilsson. I wonder if you could just talk about that experience. And also, did you get a chance to party with Harry at all? Because he was also known for being a little bit of a partier himself.

[Chuck Negron]

Yeah, well, Harry and I became very, very good friends. I'll start at the end and then move forward. When Harry had a party, invited all his closest friends. And Harrison, I mean, it's a lot of, A lot of George Harrison. George Harrison, yes. A lot of people were there. And he told us all that he was going to die, that he needed to have heart surgery. And. But he, he was over £300 and he had to lose the weight. Had to lose the weight and get in shape as they couldn't do it.

[Adam Carolla]

How old was he at the time? 50.

[Chuck Negron]

I mean, he wasn't old. He wasn't old. And we said, well, just lose the weight. And said, no, I'm not going to change my life. He's, you know, he's still doing everything that he was doing. He made a decision that it was enough, you know, and. But I met Harry, I, I had one was played for me by an A R guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's hear a little of it there, Brian. Sorry. Just for the younger folks. Cool.

[Chuck Negron]

Yeah. At any rate, I got, I got the song. I changed it all around because Harry's is kind of maudlin. And the first time I met Harry's with George Harrison, Richard Perry walked up to me at a restaurant. I was with a friend. And he just, right out of the bat, he said, you know, I don't like your version. You know, it's not near as, as good as my version. And I said, you know what, Harry? But mine's going to make you some money, you know. And he immediately Liked me because a confrontational, confrontational guy. So anyway, he was a great guy. I, I thank him for the, you know, for the song. And he always thanked me for the arrangement that I did. And I, I, I, I liked Harry, but Harry, if he got drunk, you had to get, you had to leave because he liked to fight.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. Yeah. Did he have the song Dawson about getting high in his cab or is that another. Who was that? Who was the guy who, who was the guy who. There's two guys I get confused. I get Harry Nilsson and then the guy who died in his Volkswagen Bug on the bridge going to play a gig. Who's the other singer? Song Cats in the Cradle guy maybe or something like that. There's two guys that get confused. I get Harry and this guy. But Harry, no, Harry was. Is the song about picking up his girlfriend, his ex girlfriend, Harry Chapin. Oh, Chapin. Yeah, Nielsen and Chapin and Chapin are the two guys I get confused because Chapin. Harry Chapin was the Picked up his girlfriend driving his hack and she's rich now and she's an actress and he's getting stoned in his cab.

[Brian Bishop]

Taxi. That's probably it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's the song that play 10 seconds of taxi just. Yeah, that's gonna make a good seven minute song. Well, so there's play three quarters of it. Something about.

[Stephen Malkmus]

I was familiar.

[Adam Carolla]

There he is. I could swear I seen a face before. Could you ever do a seven minute song like this? That got a lot of radio spins back in the day.

[Chuck Negron]

That's amazing that they did.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they've never played seven minutes long and it got a ton of spins.

[Chuck Negron]

I mean, they went nuts. When Dylan came out with Rolling Stone, it was over four minutes long.

[Adam Carolla]

Incredible. All right. Yeah. So you make these guys, you make these guys money. So. Yeah, that'd be the greatest windfall ever. Like if I wrote a joke and it never really worked and then someone just took it and said, let me put my own flavor on it. And then I just got checked in the mail. It'd be the greatest that ever happened in my life.

[Gina Grad]

And then Amy man, of course, recorded that song for Magnolia, which a lot of people remember.

[Chuck Negron]

Actually. They were going to use us and. But we were too, it was, we were too expensive. We want, you know, we get paid. So we. Anyway, good luck for her.

[Adam Carolla]

It was good. Amy man did one.

[Gina Grad]

It was the opening, I believe, of Magnolia.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, She's a sweetheart, by the way.

[Brian Bishop]

She liked three or four songs.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, it was like kind of her soundtrack.

[Adam Carolla]

She we know, we know. We. Everyone knows she's married to Michael Penn, Right?

[Brian Bishop]

She did boxing. She came out of the morning show once.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. She loves me. I love her.

[Brian Bishop]

This is.

[Adam Carolla]

We're an unlikely couple. We need to have her back, but. Well, we definitely can. I'll. I'll get her on the phone. Yeah, she likes boxing. I like teaching people how to box.

[Chuck Negron]

I'm a boxing fan.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that. You. Me and Amy Mantle hang out. I love you, man. Let me tell you about Castrol Casserole Edge design for consumers demand the best performance for their cars. Castrol Edge tech advances made engines smaller, more powerful, more efficient. But they got to work harder. And that's why we need Castrol Edge. The only thing stopping metal to metal contacts a thin layer oil. So you need that oil to be strong and stay strong. Castrol Edge formulated with fluid titanium technology, three times stronger against. Three times stronger against viscosity breakdown than leading full synthetics. Not mixed or blended, but full synthetics. All right, Chuck Negron, everybody. Three Dog Night. The Chuck Negron store. It's available. It's got a lot of new chapters, 11 new chapters, 100 new photos.

[Gina Grad]

More smack talk.

[Adam Carolla]

More smack talk. But don't worry, everyone's deceased. Originally from 99 and now New with all the new material and you can just get it on Amazon, bookmark us and click on through. Chuck, this has been nice. Come back anytime you like.

[Chuck Negron]

This is great. Thank you so much.

[Adam Carolla]

So we will take a quick break, hear some good sports, and we'll do some March Bradness right after this.

[Producer/Announcer]

It's time to check Adam's voicemail.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, guys, this is Nick from Harrisburg. I'm a mailman. I just want to say I listen to you guys every day. I just wanted to let you know I just seen somebody test driving a. I think it's an Audi A4 with their dog in the front seat and the car salesman in the back.

[Brian Bishop]

This is what we've come to.

[Adam Carolla]

Thanks. Bye.

[Producer/Announcer]

You can leave us a message at 888-634174.

[Adam Carolla]

The dog was smoking a cigarette and the salesman had his head hanging out the window. So we really turned the corner. Really turned the corner. Yeah, the dog. I. The dog in the car thing is one of these sort of perfect examples of our wiring, which is, I have a 110 pound dog and that dog just sits in the back seat or stands in the console between the two seats or whatever. It is not belted in in any way, shape or form. If there was any kind of accident, significant Accident.

[Brian Bishop]

He's a projectile.

[Adam Carolla]

Phil would go through the window first. He would take my head off. He would take my head off and then go through the windshield. And we look at that in the danger zone of somewhere between a butterfly and a lake that was glassy just before dusk. You know, in our danger now, you talk about like guns or lax security or ISIS or something that we understand. Like, hey, take the shoes off, take the belt off. Go through the thing. There's no. That's a. We have such a weird wiring. The dog sitting in the back is a zero to my wife, who's more interested in safety than I am. It's still a zero to her afterthought. And it's not even.

[Brian Bishop]

It's just.

[Adam Carolla]

I know they're. I know they're harnesses and cages and things like that. I'm just saying how we're wired is we don't care. That dog's my friend. He would never take the back of my head off. And moving on.

[Brian Bishop]

Totally logical.

[Gina Grad]

Gravity doesn't affect him. Gravity doesn't affect him.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm just saying, like, it's like we have this. The chances. I don't know how to look this up. Max Pata. So I'm not even gonna ask you to do it.

[Brian Bishop]

But if you could. But if you could.

[Adam Carolla]

But if you could. If you want more bonus dance, first let me tell you that this half of the pod brought to you by this Is War, the podcast and simply safe as well. Go to SimpliSafe.com and Buffalo Wild Wings and Geico and we'll tell you more about that as this comes on. But the chances of you being killed or injured by your own pet in an automobile accident are 100 times more likely and possibly into the thousands of you being shot on school campus.

[Brian Bishop]

I would guess that right.

[Adam Carolla]

So one thing we have a lot of thoughts about, and we should. But we should have equal amount of thoughts for the other thing that could get your 11 year old killed as well, which is Fido in the backseat, just sort of running wild with distracted mama behind the wheel. Like. All I'm saying is we should be equally concerned or unconcerned about whatever poses the most. We should go with what's the most damage and just go on down.

[Brian Bishop]

You didn't start a business just to keep the lights on. You're here to sell more today than yesterday.

[Adam Carolla]

You're here to win.

[Stephen Malkmus]

Lucky for you, Shopify built the best

[Adam Carolla]

converting checkout on the planet. Like the just one tapping ridiculously fast acting sky high Sales stacking champion at checkouts.

[Brian Bishop]

That's the good stuff right there.

[Adam Carolla]

So if your business is in it to win it, win with Shopify.

[Brian Bishop]

Start your free trial [e-mail].

[Adam Carolla]

win how you can be killed. You know, start with Al Qaeda and tuberculosis and shark attacks and lightning strikes and go. And all I'm saying is that's fine, but let's be as concerned about having tires that are uninflated and liable to blow out on the side of the freeway and getting clipped by drunk long haul trucker who's been up for 24 hours. Let's be as equally concerned about that as we are about guns.

[Brian Bishop]

Prioritize.

[Adam Carolla]

That's all I'm saying.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, so Chris, find that.

[Adam Carolla]

Please find that place. All right. So should we move on to the second round of March grandness?

[Gina Grad]

I shall don my band aid.

[Adam Carolla]

Please don it. Mm.

[Producer/Announcer]

March Gradness kicked off yesterday with eight rounds of tips. Thursday action. Theo and Jake took a bite out of the competition in the dudes with dogs conference. They'll be the first good boys to move on. In the actually attractive conference, Peter and a guy whose name looks like quinoa moved on. I guess it pays to be handsome if you have a dumb name. Mike and Jason won the alimony conference and are now well on their way to supporting another future ex wife. And finally, in the Hebrew conference, Matthew and Hunter are the new kosher nostra. Mazel tov, you lucky sons of bitches. There's still eight spots open to complete the Sweet 16, so let's get it on. The rules are the same as yesterday. Gina wears a blindfold. Adam and Brian describe the guys and Gina will call out who moves on up first. We've got the missed connections conference. These are men who have already met the lovely Gina Grad and failed miserably at betting her. Can they do it this time?

[Brian Bishop]

Bad start?

[Producer/Announcer]

Probably not. Let's meet the guys. Game one is Cannon versus John. Cannon says the pictures went.

[Adam Carolla]

Gina, all pictures with you. That's right.

[Producer/Announcer]

Vancouver. Met you in Vancouver for the first time. Billy Ocean suddenly starting to rhyme. A date between us is a must. It's going to be either March gratness or bust.

[Adam Carolla]

Nice.

[Producer/Announcer]

John says first, I am the biggest fan of Adam and all his shows and career.

[Adam Carolla]

He's in what does that do with me Hanging out with Gina Competition. Now, John the winner Hanging out with

[Producer/Announcer]

Gina would give me the opportunity to come to LA and see my family. In any case, I hope you pick

[Adam Carolla]

me because, Adam, I miss my family.

[Producer/Announcer]

Honestly, I just want to get on the ACS and be able to hang out with you all.

[Gina Grad]

He's honest.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Brian Bishop]

Obviously, John.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, we. We admire John's candor.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

But I think we appreciate Canon.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

He's Canadian. He wrote a poem.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, this is. He rhymed. He rhymed it as only Nipsey Russell. He's a. I don't want to give too much away, Gina, but I would call him an Asian Nipsey Russell.

[Gina Grad]

I love everything I'm hearing. Let's go with Cannon.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's go with Canon Dawson. Could we pop the music down 10%? I think it's competing with your beautiful tone just a little. Okay, here we go.

[Brian Bishop]

Canon.

[Chuck Negron]

Yeah.

[Producer/Announcer]

Next up, game two is Michael. Michael versus Arthur. Michael says 32. A self employed plumber from Las Vegas. I should win because I got you drunk one time in Vegas.

[Gina Grad]

That sounds about right.

[Producer/Announcer]

Damn, Gina, you look happy with both these jacks. Arthur says, why go to a symphony when I could pop in your favorite comedy and listen to the music that is your laughter.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, no.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, my God.

[Brian Bishop]

Arranged, obviously.

[Producer/Announcer]

Rant me this time,

[Brian Bishop]

guys.

[Adam Carolla]

Rant me this time. Okay, well, I like both these guys.

[Brian Bishop]

Couple good candidates.

[Adam Carolla]

Gina seems very happy with both of them. Also photogenically. They line up. They line nicely. They're good matches. Yeah, there's a couple hands of Bellas. The one is a plumber. Arthur's a plumber. Right.

[Brian Bishop]

Does Michael have a wedding ring?

[Gina Grad]

Oh, sh.

[Brian Bishop]

That's.

[Gina Grad]

It's just in.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, Michael has something around his wedding ring finger.

[Gina Grad]

I wouldn't know.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it looks like one of those napkin rings, actually. It's that big? Yeah, it's loose. There are guys who strangely wear, like, jewelry and then have one on that finger too. That's.

[Brian Bishop]

But backwards hat jewelry guy.

[Gina Grad]

Great to see you in a backwards hat.

[Adam Carolla]

We don't know. He could. He might. He possibly is wearing a hat backwards as we speak. I don't know. So for that, I like that he liked the sound of your laughter. But maybe the wedding ring and the backward hat means we gotta go with Arthur.

[Brian Bishop]

I think Arthur, too. He was the one who liked her laughter, so I'm gonna go with that.

[Gina Grad]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

Arthur's the one that liked the laughter

[Brian Bishop]

on your favorite comedy. And listen to the.

[Adam Carolla]

I thought he was the plumber.

[Brian Bishop]

I think it's the other way around. He started with Michael Dawson.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, well, Michael. Michael looks like a plumber, and I don't do lack of laughter.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, there you go.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, we're not going in Order. Oh, sorry. I'm going left to right. Michael's the plumber, but the funniest thing in the world. Sorry, I don't want to give away too much, but please do. Arthur looks nothing like a plumber.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right. Yeah, indeed.

[Adam Carolla]

And I'm just looking at the screen left to right. So when I just looked up, I thought we were talking about this guy. And I go, he looks nothing like a. He looks as much like a plumber's. Zach Braff looks like a plumber. And so I kept thinking, he doesn't look like a plumber. Then I thought what I always think when I think these thoughts, which is? Oh, stifle yourself. People are allowed to do whatever they want. But no, I'm always right.

[Gina Grad]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so can we go in order of the picture? My brain doesn't work well enough otherwise.

[Gina Grad]

So we're going. I love the name Arthur, by the way.

[Brian Bishop]

Arthur.

[Gina Grad]

So, yeah, maybe we go Arthur.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, and he wanted the laughter. Okay. But Michael looks like a picture plumber.

[Gina Grad]

I want to be with someone who's not gonna make me super self conscious about my. My joyful laugh.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, so we'll go with Arthur.

[Producer/Announcer]

Okay, next up, we have the dude are you Gay conference.

[Adam Carolla]

Good.

[Producer/Announcer]

With lovely ladies who are fighting to win.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, okay, okay.

[Producer/Announcer]

And some lovely men who are simply lying to themselves. Game one, Julie versus Janice. Julie. 30 Vacaville girls on the run. Life coach for third to fifth grade girls for six years. Bowling league captain of split Happens.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my God.

[Producer/Announcer]

Homeowner.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Producer/Announcer]

And starting to pursue my own business in stand up comedy. Win a chance to have an awesome dinner with an amazing, strong woman. Janice says 49, big laughs. Crafts make me happy.

[Chuck Negron]

Oh, good.

[Producer/Announcer]

I enjoy cooking and hearing the new things you were experimenting with.

[Gina Grad]

All right.

[Producer/Announcer]

And that you bring in food you've made for the guys to try.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, these are both out like lesbians.

[Gina Grad]

Must be.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm guessing.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay, they're into girls.

[Gina Grad]

Adam, I can only imagine what your feelings are on this, but I love that she's a life coach for third to fifth graders or whatever. I don't know what that means, but I love the vibe.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. When you. When you're in a captain of a bowling league and your average starts with a two year lesbo, what do you guys like? Boy, oh, boy, this is tough. But I think we'll go. Julie, for you. I like. I like the life coach for the young girls and I like the bowling and I like the name of the. I like that it's what Happens. Split happens. I like the name of the bowling team. So we'll. I'll go Julia.

[Gina Grad]

All right. Janice, you sound amazing. But.

[Brian Bishop]

But I think you would like that both these girls have figured out the high angle selfie like they are.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, they get it. Girls always get it. I just. I love bowling. I'm terrible at it, but I love bowling, and I love what you do for a living.

[Chuck Negron]

So.

[Gina Grad]

Julie, let's do it.

[Producer/Announcer]

All right, game number two in this conference. James versus Mike.

[Adam Carolla]

James, I may brought this up, but I think the music's competing a little bit with. What we're doing here is. It's just a little.

[Chuck Negron]

Just a little.

[Adam Carolla]

A little down, that's all. Just bring it a little down. Okay, here we go. James and Mike James, 33.

[Producer/Announcer]

Good credit score.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, that's important.

[Producer/Announcer]

No kids.

[Gina Grad]

Yes.

[Producer/Announcer]

Surgery supply coordinator for a very reputable hospital in Arizona. Lots of tattoos. Oh, most are nerd culture related. Mike, I'm realist minded, respective respectful, thoughtful, with a sense of humor that could mesh well with yours. I appreciate independent, smart women who stand apart from the norm.

[Brian Bishop]

And we think these guys are gay.

[Adam Carolla]

They're self. Self reported. Is. Is gay.

[Gina Grad]

Did or did Chris put him in this category?

[Producer/Announcer]

These guys are in this category because they are simply lying to themselves.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my God.

[Brian Bishop]

If I saw them at the bar, I'd think that's.

[Adam Carolla]

Didn't Mike. So James has a large hoop where the. Where his ear should be.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, he has a big gauge.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, the big gauge. I'm not a. I'm not a fan of the gauge.

[Gina Grad]

Adam doesn't abide by that.

[Adam Carolla]

Mike is wearing a ball. Mike is wearing a ball cap with no team insignia or anything on it at all, which just feels like sort of. Sort of Russian revolution to me. Put it. Not a fan of that look either. But all that being said, I'm going Mike. Just because he doesn't describe himself as tattooed.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I agree. Mike feels bright for Gina in this nacho.

[Gina Grad]

I really like the idea of a kidless homeowner with tattoos, but I'm gonna go with your guy. You guys know best, so I'm gonna go with what? Mike Smart.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Okay, great.

[Adam Carolla]

Although they're both worthy candidate.

[Producer/Announcer]

Next up is the AARP conference.

[Brian Bishop]

Wait, this conference strike zone is filled

[Producer/Announcer]

with gentlemen who have one foot in the grave. They would be sugar daddies if they had any money at all.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, God.

[Producer/Announcer]

Rodrigo. Lawyer, divorced, dad of two great kids, accomplished amateur chef, fan of art, philosophy, literature, history, and chesty MENSA members.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Producer/Announcer]

Unafraid of Command, commitment.

[Gina Grad]

He sounds cool.

[Producer/Announcer]

Thomas 55. I love Gina's laugh and Twitter feed slash beach photos. If I could autograph a perfect blue day Gina, I would sign your name. It would be for me a beautiful form of forgery. Hashtag, story of my. Story of my heart to you.

[Gina Grad]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Gina Grad]

I need your help on this one.

[Adam Carolla]

Can we bring the music down just a little? A little bit or a little bit more or something that's decipherable when I ask you. Thank you. There you go. That's down lower. I think they're swapping out the pictures because they're in the wrong order or something like that. Yes. Focus on that. All right. Because I'm not good enough. I just go left to right. So I like Rodrigo. I like the idea that he cooks. I like. Is he the attorney?

[Gina Grad]

Yes. And to adoring kids.

[Chuck Negron]

Yes.

[Gina Grad]

I'd be a good stepmom.

[Adam Carolla]

I like. I like Thomas. I like both these cats. But I'm gonna go Rodrigo.

[Brian Bishop]

I also would go Rodrigo. He feels more Gina, speed, and the lawyer thing. And he made a funny joke, actually. Let's laugh out loud. I like Rodrigo.

[Gina Grad]

All right. Rodrigo it is.

[Producer/Announcer]

All right, game two is Jacob versus Matt. Jacob. I'm 45, 6 foot, 170 pounds, aspiring muay Thai kickboxer.

[Gina Grad]

Yes. And chef.

[Producer/Announcer]

I live in San Diego. I'm an electrician by trade for the last 25 years. I do consider myself to be one of the best residential electricians in California. Matt, almost 50, basketball, or Gina G. That's an easy decision for me. I'm a good catch and kind of tall. Go out with me and we'll have a ball.

[Gina Grad]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, for selfish reasons, I like Jake because I feel like he could protect you with his Muay Thai experience. Also. Always in shape. But the fact that he is a whiz at electrical, and I am good at most things, even a little bit of plumbing, but electrical, I have not much skill in that department. And I feel like if you hooked up with this guy and things really worked out and we needed to put in a new GF GFI receptacle by the kitchen or whatever it is, that Jake would be more than happy to come by and do a little troubleshooting. So for selfish reasons and for reasons for protection, I'm going with Jacob.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't think it's selfish. Jake, on paper. Jake of on paper, he's. Well, first of all, on the screen, he's wearing nothing but trunks. He's cut like a Greek God.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, my.

[Brian Bishop]

He's a strong looking fella. He's a handsome guy. But I'm just gonna go go against Adam because I feel like Matt's a better match. This is not an ugly man. This is a handsome fella, Matt. But you know, we're talking about a body shot of Jake, and he is if you're. If you're in for the candy.

[Gina Grad]

Did you say you want a taste?

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Stephen Malkmus]

Oh.

[Gina Grad]

See, Adam, I love you, but I feel like Brian usually has my best interest at heart. That said, I'm a company man and if Jake will help out the studio, we should probably pick Jake.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, for you.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, my feeling is they both look like worth worthy. I have nothing to base it on for either one. But I always tip the cap to the blue collar guys who work with their hands. But that's just me. It's a personal thing. I like Jacob.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. Let's go, Jake.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Go, Jake.

[Producer/Announcer]

And finally, we have the International Alpha conference. These men are global hunks hailing from exotic lands such as Australia, Sweden, Minnesota, and don't forget international waters. These men are willing to fly halfway around the world or from Minnesota to win Gina's heart. Game one, Rhett versus Chris Rhett, 36, Minnesota. Number six over six foot. Number five, handing around the house. Number four, parents are still together. Number three, college educated. And more importantly, trade school educated too. Number two, opens doors, pulls out chairs. Parenthetically, this is a standard, not just in the beginning. And number one, above average dong.

[Adam Carolla]

And he's holding like a 30 pound pike in front of him. This guy's an angler. Yeah, Showing the guns off. All right.

[Producer/Announcer]

And then, Chris, we should hang out. Gina, so I convince you, can convince you to come to Australia for a holiday.

[Gina Grad]

Done.

[Producer/Announcer]

I'm 30. I will fly to America.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Chuck Negron]

Short and sweet.

[Adam Carolla]

Short and sweet. Well, I went to school with a guy named Rhett. I wasn't a fan of his, so that sounds bad, but I'm not gonna factor that in, even though it seems like I did.

[Gina Grad]

But the dong.

[Adam Carolla]

The better than average sized dong. Although don't get the dong out next to that fish. Cause it'll dwarf anything that's near it. That is a big old fish. I heard one thing that I love to hear. His parents are still together. That is. That is a marker for success in future relationships. So therefore, my vote goes to Rhett.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, we're supposed to be Gina's eyes for this. And in as much as this one guy, Rhett is holding a fish he presumably caught with his huge biceps. And Chris is drinking out of a oversized Asahi can. I'm gonna say Rhett's the guy. No Australian friends.

[Adam Carolla]

If a guy comes in from Australia and you guys don't hit it off physically, you still have to let him bang you 100% because he came in from Australia. I drove to San Diego, hooked up with a chick who must have put on 50 pounds since the last time I saw her, wanted nothing to do to it, and still had to bang her because I drove from LA to San Diego. So you come to Australia. No, you have to have sex with him.

[Gina Grad]

I understand.

[Adam Carolla]

You understand?

[Gina Grad]

I do.

[Adam Carolla]

And I know what the rules are.

[Gina Grad]

I would love to go to Australia and I would love to. To. I love that accent. But you guys, you guys feel pretty strongly about red.

[Adam Carolla]

We do.

[Gina Grad]

Okay, so red it is.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Producer/Announcer]

Game two in the International Alpha Conference. Ellsworth versus Peter.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Producer/Announcer]

Ellsworth, 25 years old. Take out a man your age this March.

[Gina Grad]

God love you.

[Producer/Announcer]

I like ice cream and rock and roll. If chat stalls, we'll talk Subies. Mine has three pedals. I'm a real boy.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh my God.

[Chuck Negron]

Peter.

[Adam Carolla]

What?

[Producer/Announcer]

Sweden. 29 year old film student from rural Sweden, currently living in Stockholm. My English is impeccable and since I'm aiming for a career in Hollywood, I need to meet the right people.

[Gina Grad]

Am I just. Does he just want a meal ticket?

[Adam Carolla]

Where's Ellsworth from?

[Producer/Announcer]

Ellsworth does. Doesn't say.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, but we know these are international waters.

[Producer/Announcer]

Well, he's pictured our choices before were Australia, Sweden, Minnesota and international waters.

[Adam Carolla]

So I say that's where else we

[Brian Bishop]

should point out that Ellsworth is on a boat. He's seafaring, right?

[Chuck Negron]

Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

Picture.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

What do you guys think?

[Adam Carolla]

This is tough. I don't know where Ellsworth is. It's a majestic land.

[Brian Bishop]

Sailing.

[Adam Carolla]

And obviously I feel like sailing. Sailing is a metaphor for being able to handle yourself and handle things.

[Brian Bishop]

Living your ultimate life. You're in control and just.

[Adam Carolla]

It takes some. It's like responsible and repetition and like all the loser guys you went to high school with weren't losers and then went sailing. They were just losers. Like it's the furthest activity away from that a Corolla could participate in. So I'm just gonna toss it to Ellsworth because I enjoy the maritime. His maritime scene I enjoy.

[Brian Bishop]

Peter worries me for two reasons. One, like you said, you could be the meal ticket. His ticket to Hollywood. Number two, he is pictured on the set of what is presumably some sort of filmed entertainment, but it is completely wrapped in plastic. This could be a fetish video, like someone having peed on or blown up.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, gosh, snuff film. I might not survive this day.

[Adam Carolla]

Someone's got a direct edit and light those things.

[Gina Grad]

Right? Okay. I. I do enjoy a good sailboat. I love the vibe. I love the name. Let's go, Ellsworth.

[Brian Bishop]

That's a good choice.

[Producer/Announcer]

So we've got our sweet 16. Join us next week when we whittle down the competition to a round of eight and eventually find out who wins March gradness.

[Adam Carolla]

I have to say, Gina, I'm happy to report that it's going to be hard to get this group down to 16. That's going to be tough. There's that much talent in the room that, hey, look, there's two or three might not make. There'll be pretty easy decisions. The rest are going to be agonizing.

[Gina Grad]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

And then getting from 8 to 4. I can't even.

[Gina Grad]

This is going to be tough.

[Brian Bishop]

Have you gone back since yesterday and looked at the candidates and saw if you liked our decisions or even bothered?

[Gina Grad]

No, I sneaked a peek, but I didn't analyze. I just said, oh, these all look like very nice gentlemen.

[Adam Carolla]

Ronnie from Corona's upset about this March. March grandness business. Ronnie. Yeah. Hey, what's going on over there? This whole thing's got me tweaked out of shape right now. Well, I know you kind of are smitten by Gina grad, and she ended her last relationship.

[Gina Grad]

And Ronnie's made many offers.

[Adam Carolla]

Folks around here have decided it'd be fun to, you know, turn her. Her misery into ratings. A ratings bonanza with something called March grandness. And I. I suppose, I mean, you. You could have gotten in on it just like anyone else got in on it from parts unknown. So that's kind of. You kind of dropped the ball, Ronnie from Corona. How did I drop the ball? If you would have just let me know what was going on over there, dude. I mean, I'm about ready to call. Can I. Can I cuss on this show? Sure. Yeah. I'm gonna call you, cockpocker. Cruella.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, wow.

[Brian Bishop]

Wow. Strong words.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's exactly. Here's the thing. I've got five top reasons that I should be with Gina. First, I love her laugh. I love her eyes. I'll let her have a girlfriend if she wants to. That's fine with me.

[Brian Bishop]

I'll buy her a new car, and

[Adam Carolla]

she'll never have to work again. Dude, I've told you all that stuff and. Oh, geez. Gotta get me in there, dude. You gotta get me in.

[Gina Grad]

But I have a Subaru and I like my job.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. You could still work, too. I mean, do whatever you like.

[Brian Bishop]

But I'm just saying, Gina, is there. Is there an nit for the men who didn't get into this conference? Like, this tournament? Like, is there a consolation?

[Gina Grad]

That's not up to me. That's the boys in the booth.

[Adam Carolla]

Ronnie, will, listen, man. Look, you're parading her around like a circus break, dude. This is not how I want my Gina Grad. Let's just calm this whole thing down, take it back a bit and slow this contest down, and then let me come on out and say hello in person. And then, you know.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, maybe rock crawling or whatever. Together.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he's got a cheap likes. Do some rock crawling. I got a new. As a matter of fact, I put it on Twitter. I even started a Twitter account for Eugene a graduate.

[Gina Grad]

What is it?

[Adam Carolla]

It's Ronnie from Corona. What did you think it would be?

[Gina Grad]

I'll find it right now.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, Ronnie from Corona. We're running late, so I'm gonna put you on hold. But, yeah, you can come on out and kick Gina's tires, but you will be chaperoned.

[Brian Bishop]

Closely.

[Adam Carolla]

Closely. All right, listen, I gotta tell you, Gina grad. I'm over the moon about these prospects. And like I said, I would take anybody. I'd take anyone in the final eight and be happy to see him with you.

[Brian Bishop]

Are we at 16 right now?

[Producer/Announcer]

Because we are at 16.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. So 16 total, and I would say 14 and a half. Like, 15 good candidates.

[Gina Grad]

Wow, this is exciting. I know. This is really. This is just an exploitative bit. But I gotta tell you, part of me really feels grateful that you guys care so much about me.

[Producer/Announcer]

Well, except for the music being too loud.

[Gina Grad]

Well, sure, that was a problem throughout. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's take a quick break. We'll come back with Gina and her news right after this. Give me the news with crack. News with Geno Grad. Breaking viral.

[Producer/Announcer]

All those crazy Trump tweets.

[Adam Carolla]

Give me news with Gina Grad. Trouble in the Middle East, Celebrity drunk meltdown seek. News with Gina.

[Brian Bishop]

Gina

[Producer/Announcer]

the news with Gina Grad.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, let me take care of a little business first. The new podcast, this is War. That's right, from Wondery, the podcast network. This is War. Personal stories of the brave men and women who serve in our armed forces. First hand accounts of what it's like to fight, survive, combat Foreign lands protecting our freedom. First episode features Ian Mearns. At just 17, Ian walked right on into a recruitment office and signed up. This was a month before September 11, and then all hell broke loose. It's a heartbreaking and amazing story and you can check it out. Well, where do you check it out? Well, wherever you check out this podcast, you can check out this Is War. Listen to this Is War on Apple podcasts, or like I said, wherever you're listening to me. So if you like podcasts, and obviously you do, then you're a fan of podcasts and you enjoy a little variety. So why not check out this Is War? All right, Gina Grad, what do we got?

[Gina Grad]

Well, Matt Damon is moving his family to Australia in part because the liberal stars fed up with President Trump. According to Page 6, Damon, who's 47, reportedly has purchased a property in Byron Bay, New South Wales. According to Sydney's Sunday Telegraph, the homes next door to a place owned by Chris Hemsworth, who Damon recently appeared in Ragnarok with a source exclusively tells Page Six, quote, matt's telling friends and colleagues in Hollywood that he's moving the family to Australia because the activist actor disagrees with Trump's policies. He's also telling friends he wants to have a safe place to raise his four kids with his wife.

[Adam Carolla]

I just saw him on Saturday night and was this weird thing, you know, when you're at a party and you see somebody you know, and you have this thing where you go, well, either I have to walk up to them now, although they're talking to somebody, or I should just kind of keep my eye on them and let us circulate. And they'll circulate and at some point we'll run into each other. And he was talking to some people. I was like, go say hi or something. And then of course, two hours went by and then I lost track of him. And I was talking to Jason Bateman. He's the greatest.

[Brian Bishop]

Just watched Game Night yesterday and I

[Adam Carolla]

heard it was good.

[Brian Bishop]

It is good.

[Adam Carolla]

And Dax Shepard, I was talking to those two. And then at some point, I got out on the dance floor. That's right.

[Gina Grad]

What, you and Ellen?

[Adam Carolla]

Me and Ellen. I got down. Ellen was not there. But Jennifer Aniston, I realize I've seen like four times in like seven weeks or something after going the entire lifetime, I've never seen Jennifer Aniston not be a coincidence.

[Gina Grad]

A humble brag.

[Adam Carolla]

So I was on the dance floor and I was dancing with Lynette. This is Molly, Jimmy's wife's birthday party. And now it was a good two hours, maybe three hours into the party and completely lost track of Matt Damon. And at some point, as I was, like, kind of dancing around, he just came out of the shadows and went like, hey, Adam. And I went, oh, hey, Matt. That kind of weird thing where you should have said hi three hours ago, but you didn't? Like, you ever do that thing where you're at the supermarket and you see somebody you know and you're like, I'm not into.

[Gina Grad]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

But now I. But now if I see him, if we do run into each other, I can't let them know that I saw him 37 minutes ago. And to just keep walking. This wasn't that. And he just came flying out and he said, hey, Aman. I said, hey. And then he did a dance around me. We did, like, a circular move.

[Chuck Negron]

I love you, man.

[Adam Carolla]

I think it was part of. I can't tell. I couldn't remember as part of my move or part of his move. We did it. We did a weird do si doe lap. And then he took off. That was it.

[Gina Grad]

That might be your last chance to

[Adam Carolla]

dance with us, but

[Brian Bishop]

to dance the other direction.

[Adam Carolla]

I had heard he was going to Australia long before this.

[Brian Bishop]

Is this the first documented case of a celebrity following up on the If Blank gets elected, I'm moving to Blank.

[Gina Grad]

It does sound like it.

[Brian Bishop]

There's a lot of threats back in the bush days.

[Adam Carolla]

I had heard that.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm sure he has many.

[Adam Carolla]

He was going to for various reasons, some of which is to escape all the recent scrutiny of not at the Oscars this year, stuff like that. And it was for a limited amount of time.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm sure he has over six properties,

[Gina Grad]

and he can work anywhere in the world.

[Brian Bishop]

He's just.

[Gina Grad]

They're gonna chill there for a while.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but it's good. And look, and maybe it's a multitude of reasons, but when I heard that he was moving to Australia, this was not the reason that was given. This wasn't included in the reason that was given. There were other reasons that were given.

[Gina Grad]

Page 6 didn't get it right.

[Adam Carolla]

It could be. Could be everything.

[Gina Grad]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Gina Grad]

Well, the Toys R Us toy store chain, which was loved by generations of kids for 70 years, is closing all of its stores in the U.S. 735 stores.

[Brian Bishop]

That was a magical place.

[Gina Grad]

It really was. Jeffrey walking in.

[Brian Bishop]

There's just toys.

[Gina Grad]

The company said in a bankruptcy court filing, it has determined that, quote, the best way to maximize the recovery is to liquidate the Existing inventory.

[Adam Carolla]

It was bittersweet for the ace man.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, well, you never got.

[Adam Carolla]

See, we had a Toys R Us, like, in deep Van Nuys here. Like, on the way to the Van Nuys airport, you pass that Toys R Us, which is now Tijuana, is us.

[Brian Bishop]

Toys is us.

[Gina Grad]

Toys S. Us.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's Tijuana. It's just Tijuana. But that part of, I don't know, Sherman Way and whatever in the San Fernando Valley. And as a kid, I went there on occasion. I am such. I was always such a mechanical fanatic. Not like, oh, I got to build a rocket ship, but more like, I would look at things like I do now aesthetically, but also from a sort of quality standpoint. And I would either. I would have one of two reactions like, so when I look at a Porsche 935, I just put mine on the dyno three days ago. When I look at a Porsche 935, I start salivating. I start salivating. But when I look at a Jeep Patriot or something, I get angry. I'm like, what is wrong? Why did you guys do this? Look at those tail lights. Who would design that? Like, I get angry. So when I was a kid, I had the exact same gene. So when I would go to the Schwinn shop, and the Schwinn shop was on Laurel Canyon, and I could never buy anything or afford anything, I would get stuff out of the dumpster that they were just tires and handlebars that were bent and stuff they would throw away. But it still didn't stop me from walking through the Schwinn shop. And I would look at all the Schwins. It was extra tough because they had the unicycles, like, up on the wall in the back, and they made the best unicycle. They made the best. You could just tell when you were nine, I would look at the Schwinn stuff and go, this stuff is well made. Toys R Us didn't sell Schwinn. They sold, like, Huffy, which is a bad knockoff. It's just. It's tinny and cheap and bad. And he doesn't. You don't have to be an engineer, a mechanical engineer, and in your 40s, you can be nine and go, that's a. That's a piece of crap. And that thing's gold over there. So we couldn't afford anything in the Schwinn department because that was, I don't know, $80 or something. But a Huffy was like, $37. And it was doable. But I like. Let's go to, you know, let's go to Toys R Us and look at the Huffies. I think they also had. Raleigh probably made bikes, too. Max Pattican, look. I feel like Raleigh's made the ten Speed and Huffy made that smaller stuff, but there was just a cheaper, crappier version of the Schwinn stuff. And I had this thing that I didn't know about, which is I want the good stuff. And now I have the good stuff. And that's why I'm obsessed with rims.

[Brian Bishop]

You know what else they had?

[Adam Carolla]

Tires.

[Brian Bishop]

At least when I was a child. The greatest jingle of all of all that. I think it was the first song I may have memorized.

[Adam Carolla]

Really? We'll find that.

[Gina Grad]

I could probably.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, probably do it from memory.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm trying to think. I remember Jeffrey the giraffe.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't want to go up.

[Gina Grad]

I'm a Toys R Us kid. There's a million toys at Toys R Us that I can play with.

[Brian Bishop]

From bike to planes to video games. It's the biggest toy store there is.

[Gina Grad]

I don't want to grow up. Cause if I did, I wouldn't be a Toys R Us kid.

[Brian Bishop]

Worst musical moment, Ace Awards.

[Adam Carolla]

He's got it all. Yes, he does. Let me tell you about what I'd like to do when I grow up. I'd like to work for simple Simplisafe man. Worked with these guys since they had 10 employees. And now they're protecting over 2 million people. Exciting news. They've just released their brand new home security system, the all new SimpliSafe. There's two I's in there. S I MPLI SimpliSafe. It's smarter, it's faster, it's stronger than ever before. Completely rebuilt and redesigned. New safeguards against power outages, downed WI fi, cut landlines. A big part of every move I saw when I was a kid.

[Brian Bishop]

They cut the clothes, the cut man, the crew.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Best second story man in the. Oh, Wheel Man.

[Brian Bishop]

Wheel man.

[Adam Carolla]

Bats, hammers, whatever. It'll stop it. Simply safe. First security system I'd actually call beautiful. You should check it out. Peel and stick batteries. Last up to 10 years. No drilling, no pulling wires. Nobody crawling around under the house or up in the attic. Get 24. 7 protection. Just 15 bucks a month with no contract. But supplies are Limited. Visit simplysafe.com Adam. All right, Gina, what else you got?

[Gina Grad]

All right, well, CNBC is bringing back Deal or no Deal. With Howie Mandel returning as host. That's according to Entertainment Weekly. The popular game show aired from 2005 to 2009 and launched the careers of Chrissy Teigen and Princess to be Meghan Markle, who are both Briefcase Girls, if you remember the Briefcase Girls. The new show will follow the same format, but producers say there will be a few surprises thrown in. So Howie's going.

[Adam Carolla]

It was a fun game show to watch.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I can't explain why Howie's always good. I love Howie, but it was. It was entertaining.

[Brian Bishop]

Diabolically simple.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

And obvious. Like, you know, like, you got the premise right away.

[Adam Carolla]

A good show is like a good logo, but there's a genius in the simplicity of it. And that was good. Sadly, in a weird way, like, oh, Roseanne's coming back. Everything's, like, coming back. Like, we're just out of ideas. Everything just comes back now.

[Gina Grad]

The novelty of it, I guess.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, well, good for Howie. Guy needs a payday, man.

[Brian Bishop]

Finally.

[Adam Carolla]

Who's gonna rent that catamaran next year, man?

[Gina Grad]

Violet Purell.

[Adam Carolla]

God, what a nice guy. Really, you guys should know. I mean, just the nicest guy in the world.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Couple times I had opportunity to meet him. He's a fresh, swell guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Super sweet.

[Gina Grad]

He was at our Thousand Oak show.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's right.

[Gina Grad]

I don't remember the name of it. It was like a saloon type place. It was cool.

[Adam Carolla]

Borderline. Yeah, Canyon Club. Oh, Canyon Club.

[Gina Grad]

No, I think it was borderline. Probably borderline with me. It was with me.

[Brian Bishop]

Jay Moore was a guest, and he came on, like, right before.

[Gina Grad]

I promise it was borderline. Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

It could be either one.

[Brian Bishop]

Let's go.

[Adam Carolla]

I believe in you, Max.

[Brian Bishop]

Bet this wasn't us.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, Sorry.

[Gina Grad]

It was borderline.

[Adam Carolla]

They'll be missed. I don't remember.

[Gina Grad]

Okay, well, if you're looking to move to the happiest place in the whole world, I can tell you where it is. The 2008 World Happiness Report was released yesterday by the Sustainable Development Solutions for the United Nations. According to the survey, it factors in things like income, freedom, trust, healthy life expectancy, social support, generosity. It took over. Actually, I'm not. I'm not going to say anything else. I'm just going to say there's 10 countries and see if you can guess

[Brian Bishop]

what's on the phrasing it.

[Chuck Negron]

How.

[Brian Bishop]

World's what?

[Gina Grad]

World's happiest country.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, I. It's always just one of those Nordic places, right? It's. It just is. I mean, those plate Whenever there's like safest or highest income per capita or Although they can be. It's kind of a weird place because they've seen 60 Minute stories and stuff where they love square dancing but they don't smile and stuff like that. But it's always. It's always. That's always the bet. It's always just one of. One of those lands. That's.

[Gina Grad]

Norway was number one last year. It's number two this year.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Gina Grad]

So what icier, whiter country could possibly have overtaken?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you just go. You go with the widest. You go with the widest. Other than Russia's, wider than Finland.

[Gina Grad]

Sweden is number nine. I'm gonna read, I'm gonna go through this list for you.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm gonna off the board and say New Zealand or Australia.

[Gina Grad]

New Zealand is number 10. Australia is number 10. All right, so I will read you seven to one.

[Adam Carolla]

Is it literally just an order of white population? Like, is that what it's come down to?

[Gina Grad]

We shall see. Okay, so number seven, Canada. Number six, Netherlands. Number five, Switzerland. Number four, Iceland. Number three, Denmark. Number two, Norway. And number one, happiest place in the whole world, Sweden. Finland.

[Brian Bishop]

I knew it.

[Adam Carolla]

There you go.

[Gina Grad]

There you go, everybody.

[Brian Bishop]

Live show the Finns.

[Gina Grad]

Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't trying to even think where I've been. We went to Amsterdam. Remember that? A lot of people on bicycles. I think the more people on bicycles you have, it's either either you're super happy or super impressed. Yeah, a lot of range. A lot of range with the bicycles. Yeah, I think there's a. There's a choose to ride it versus have to ride it.

[Brian Bishop]

Best case scenario.

[Gina Grad]

And I don't remember if it's Norway, Sweden or Finland, but one of those countries super into community living. Like, you know, a big house where everybody cooks and there's like three different families and you can leave your kid outside the store in a stroller and it's all good.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. The thing that's dumb about us is we can leave our kids outside in a stroller. Where I live, I live in Los Angeles. It's an armpit. But I live in a neighborhood in Los Angeles where my kids could go outside, just walk around. They can do whatever we want. We're just paranoid.

[Brian Bishop]

We're trained, we're conditioned.

[Adam Carolla]

We've decided to make ourselves miserable over the prospects of something that's never going to happen. So it's essentially like saying you don't smoke, you don't drink, and you eat. Everything you eat is just from the farmer's market. And it's like, yeah, but I can't stop thinking about cancer. It's like, but you're 41 and you're fine. Yeah, but that's all I think about. It's everywhere. And now we go, okay, so you can have a life where you eat right, you exercise, you don't drink or smoke, but you're miserable because you're constantly obsessing over cancer. And when you turn on the news, it's all a big march against cancer, and everyone's gonna get cancer. So then it becomes this sort of thing where it's like, why bother not smoking and taking care of yourself if all you're gonna do is just think about cancer? That's kind of what we do in the United States.

[Gina Grad]

We should all take a page from Harry Nilsson's book.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Gina Grad]

I'm not gonna worry about it. It's gonna go out.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Mm.

[Gina Grad]

Well, spring is right around the corner, and that means it's breakup season. According to Cosmo.com a few years back, Facebook analyzed user statuses that contained the word break up and broken up, and they found a huge spike in the time between Valentine's Day and spring break. With spring.

[Brian Bishop]

Valentine's Day.

[Gina Grad]

Exactly. With spring on the horizon and warmer weather creeping in, relationship experts say breakups are on the rise because people feel more inclined to interact and engage with people in the outside world. And that really means new people.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, a few things. If I know guys that are 40, and it's like, they're 21. The thing used to be, oh, everyone dies when they're 60, and you get married when you're 23, and you have kids and stuff. So if we're going to prolong this adolescence into middle age, then this is going to happen. But the other thing, I would wonder, and I have no idea. And max pay. You don't have to look this up, But I will venture to say that there's a ratio between getting a new job and getting a new boyfriend or girlfriend. That has to do with the computer and the Internet and availability and options. Now, back in the day, you broke up with somebody, fine. But that's gonna be a nice, long dry spell for you. Like, there's gonna be a lot of going to bars, trying to get laid and all that.

[Producer/Announcer]

So.

[Adam Carolla]

And so is having a party. I want to set you up with Nancy. Who's she?

[Chuck Negron]

Ah.

[Adam Carolla]

If you get past her skin, she's fine. You know, like, that kind of stuff. It was a long Slog. And if you lost your job, it was like, I'm gonna go down to a liquor store and put in an application. You know, I'm gonna go over here and put in an application. I was like, now you can go online and go with this company or that company and sign up for this thing and sign up for that thing, and something's coming around.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it's a soft landing.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. And I would say people have kind of the same feeling, which is like, I may not like the job I like I have now. I may not like it, but I don't want to be jobless.

[Gina Grad]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

And I may not like the girl or guy I have now. Now. But I don't want to be single. But if the prospects of, well, you're only going to be out of jail for about three days, and then you can hop on to something else. This will be a lot more turnover.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, yeah. And. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh. Think back to when you were single, Jean. Just close your eyes. But, like, you know, there were so many times probably where we're in a relationship that's running its course. You probably thought, let's just get to Valentine's Day. Let's just get to that. And then after that, it's just, you

[Gina Grad]

know, well, there is that between Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's,

[Brian Bishop]

Valentine's Day.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I'm that way now. Like, let's just get to the gray.

[Gina Grad]

I also, I had a professor who taught human sexuality in everyday life. And this class was one of those arena settings, and it was standing room only. Everybody wait listed, everybody wanted in this class. Dennis Daly, a great teacher. And he said, and he's older guy, and he said his favorite thing was at ku was waiting for spring and just taking his lunch and eating outside and watching all the kids just start walking into polls and walking off curbs checking out other students. Because spring does something to your brain. It does something to your wiring where it wakes you back up and kids just falling over trying to check out the student body. So there's something to the season. Maybe as well.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Gina Grad]

Well, speaking.

[Chuck Negron]

Yeah, yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Speaking of that, how normal is your sex life? Because according to a new survey, the average American couple, actually, maybe, maybe we can guess, has sex this many times a month and 0.2. This is the average American couple. How many times a month do you think the average American couple has sex?

[Adam Carolla]

Couples, married couples or just couple?

[Gina Grad]

It doesn't say. So maybe this would make me. This would lead me to believe it's also dating. Oh, I would imagine first off those,

[Adam Carolla]

like, surveys that, like, it turns out people that have sex more than nine times a week are happier and closer. Like, of course they are. They have no. They have no fluid left in their body. And of course. Of course. And they're closer and they have more conversations, Right? The guy's trying to get laid. Of course he's gonna pipe up. Like, the ones where they go, the couples that have sex all the time are happier with each. Like, yeah, anyone who has sex, to me, we don't need a survey on that one. This is average.

[Gina Grad]

Average couple doesn't say married couple.

[Adam Carolla]

How many times have you married? And you said, according to. With the number, it looks like could be just boyfriend, girlfriend, and. Or Marri suggested to me that the number's a little bit higher. Are we going with a whole number? Do we go with, like, a point? No, no, no.

[Gina Grad]

Whole number.

[Adam Carolla]

Whole number. Well, just based on your analysis of the data, I'm being.

[Gina Grad]

Maybe I'm being conservative, but. Yeah, go ahead.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm going to go with three. Three times a week.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, I thought I was.

[Gina Grad]

A month. Oh, a month.

[Adam Carolla]

I thought, oh, sorry. Is it a month?

[Gina Grad]

So 12 times a month?

[Adam Carolla]

I'll go 10 times.

[Gina Grad]

10 times a month.

[Brian Bishop]

It makes me feel bad because I was going to go low. I think there's as many couples in their 60s as there is in their 20s, so I'm going to say the average is four times a month.

[Adam Carolla]

I was going to go low, too, but I saw our face, jacked it up a little. Hold on. Let me tell you about Buffalo Wild Wings before you drop that number on us. Oh, it's that time again. Picking between baseball and hockey, I got a solution. Buffalo Wild Wings. They got hockey, they got baseball, they got dozens of screens so you don't have to choose. Plus all the sports foods you crave. America's favorite wings. And 21 signature sauces and seasonings. Shareable favorites like cheddar cheese curds and fried pickles. Huge variety of beers. I love it. All the basketball, all the hockey, all the food, all the beer. All. All you want over there. Buffalo Wild Wings. Wings, beer, sports. Please drink responsibly. All right, so you went with four. I went with 10.

[Gina Grad]

The big number. According to bustle.com, the average amount of times a couple has sex per month is nine times.

[Adam Carolla]

How many, Brian? How many? Nine times.

[Gina Grad]

So 108 times a year. Also, the average couple has sex for 69 minutes per week.

[Adam Carolla]

Somebody drops.

[Gina Grad]

Or 60 hours a year.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Gina Grad]

There you go.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but if Obviously, if you want married couple, it would drop significantly,

[Brian Bishop]

precipitously.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Gina Grad]

Chris, I don't mean to put you on the spot, but I think I remember you saying we might have this in the studio. So I'll read this and you can tell me if this makes sense. The Coca Cola Company in Japan will now offer a boozy carbonated beverage called Chu He. Is that. Do we have that?

[Adam Carolla]

No, we have the high fiber.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, sorry, sorry. Okay. The Telegraph reports this Alka Pop will be made up of fizzy water flavoring and a distilled Japanese alcohol called Shochu, which Forbes has described as the national spirit of Japan. Liquor lovers in the US shouldn't get too excited though. The unique and special circumstances of the Japanese market mean the company's alcoholic offerings likely won't make it over here anytime soon. But it's a alcohol laden Coca Cola.

[Adam Carolla]

I wonder if you'll be able to get in a vending machine. Oh, can't you get like girls panties in a vending machine in Japan?

[Gina Grad]

Yes, you can.

[Brian Bishop]

Dressel's Cross.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, a hard time arguing away the sort of light beer from vending machines when you have panties coming out of vending machines.

[Gina Grad]

And not new from what I understand.

[Adam Carolla]

Soil, as we like to call that.

[Brian Bishop]

Not spent.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right, spent. That's the word we use.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. No, I guess we have the fiber one, which I think Chris asked me to try or somebody asked me to try and I said not at the beginning of the show.

[Adam Carolla]

What the.

[Gina Grad]

How would that work?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, how much fiber does the fiber one have?

[Brian Bishop]

No one can read the back. It's in Japanese.

[Gina Grad]

I don't want to. That's a risky little game.

[Adam Carolla]

Probably whatever. Grams of fiber. And then is it equivalent to eating a piece of piece of wheat bread or like what. I'm always looking at sort of what the equivalent is.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Given the size of that thing, I'm gonna say 6 grams. Probably like a fiber one. One of those little fiber gummies.

[Gina Grad]

Why don't you try one, see what happens. We'll wait a half hour.

[Brian Bishop]

I'd like to know for sure. Five grams.

[Adam Carolla]

Whoa. Good call.

[Gina Grad]

Per serving or the whole thing?

[Brian Bishop]

It's the whole thing.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't. We gotta get to a new world order. Which is what's in this container is how many grams of whatever because I'm so tired of the calories. Only 40 calories. This has six and a half servings. Yes.

[Chuck Negron]

Six times.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, it's like. And then the way they divine it sometimes like that. I'm Trying to think of the can, you know, like, you get a thing of like Hungry man's soup. And it's like, that's a serving to me, that's not two servings. It's just a serving. The whole thing goes in a bowl. It goes in the microwave. That's what I eat. So whatever the calories are, just make it what's in this can.

[Brian Bishop]

And sometimes they'll give you the number of servings per container, but then it's like 2.5.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Gina Grad]

You have to do math.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm in my phone right now.

[Gina Grad]

And with the. With the soups, the biggest problem per serving is 1400 milligrams of sodium.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Gina Grad]

So that's rough.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

One slice of a true whole grain bread could contain around 4 to 5 grams of fiber.

[Adam Carolla]

Probably won't give you geniuses the bubble guts. All right, so it's like eating a piece of whole grain bread.

[Producer/Announcer]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. One more.

[Gina Grad]

All right. Well, Ford has recalled 1.4 million cars because a loose attachment could lead to the potentially deadly issue of the steering wheel.

[Adam Carolla]

Pop. But it's an emotional attachment, and that's why I say they don't have to recall these cars.

[Gina Grad]

That is a fair point. The problem is with the 2014-2018 Ford Fusion and Lincoln MKZ sedans.

[Adam Carolla]

Ford, I will say one more time, and I do believe this to be true, because I have been on the winning or losing end of one of these recalls. My first thought Lynette had a Jag. The Jag got recalled. And after maybe putting, I don't know, 20,000 miles on it or something like that, fairly new, and it was a lease, and it was like, what do I have to do? I have to fix the throwout bearing for free or whatever it is. And my first impulse was like, oh, my God, how much money must this cost Jaguar? I mean, every single car's got to be. Were called and these like two years and they're for free. They have to take. They have to redo the throwout bearing and didn't have a throwout bearing because it's automatic, blah, blah, blah. But anyway, that was my first impulse. Like, oh, my God, they're going to go bankrupt, was my thought. And then you get the thing that says, you know, take it over to Galpin Ford, drop it off, they'll give you a loaner car or ride back to your house or whatever it is. And then at some point, the service manager calls and he's like, well, we go ahead and we fix the Throw out bearing. We did notice when it was up on the lift that your brake pads are getting pretty thin.

[Gina Grad]

Good thing you came in.

[Adam Carolla]

And if you're going to do the brake pads, you should definitely turn those rotors because you don't want to put the new rotors as long as it's up on the lift, you know. And we recommend a transmission fluid change. And as a matter of fact, all fluids should be changed. And we worked up a price, and it's $1,181. Anything. Oh, now I'm a weirdo. So I said, thanks, but no thanks, just out of pride. And I took the car back, and it could have used some brake pads. So me and J. Joe, my sissy, just put new brake pads on it. But this must happen times a million. And for every. I'd say at least for every three cars you got, at least one of them just goes, screw it. Do the work while it's there. The brake pads and the rotors and everything. And that'll more than pay for whatever is being fixed for free. And that's how it works.

[Brian Bishop]

Certain car owners are probably more liable or likely to do that. Like the Jaguars.

[Gina Grad]

Female.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, you know, those owners of the world versus maybe the Ford owners. More of a budget.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm the only guy with the Jag in show business who makes the kind of income I was making to went, give me the car back. I'll fix it.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, yeah, I'm not saying everyone else.

[Adam Carolla]

No, that's what you're saying. You're saying, like, if you. If you do the right car, like, I don't know if this was a Jeep or something, there might be more guys that would tend. That demographic would tend to go, I'll handle it myself. But if you do something like a Jag and you're doing the kept women and you're taking their Jag, they're just going, yeah, whatever you got to fix.

[Brian Bishop]

Fix.

[Adam Carolla]

Whatever you got to fix.

[Gina Grad]

That's why we're here.

[Adam Carolla]

That's why we're here.

[Gina Grad]

Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's bring it home.

[Gina Grad]

You got it. I'm Gina Grad, and that's the news.

[Adam Carolla]

Gina. Gina.

[Producer/Announcer]

That was the news with Gina Grad.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me tell you about, guys. Geico got that Jag. Changing the brake pads on that thing yourself. You want some insurance? You want to save some money? You go with Geico. Save hundreds of dollars in your car insurance, and you don't have to go anywhere. Just go over to your computer and go to geico.com. 15 minutes. You could be saving 15% or more on your auto insurance. Why wouldn't you? Well, just spend a couple minutes and see if they can save you some money. If they can, great. If they can, fine. Spend a couple minutes, see if you can put some money in your pocket. Geico, that is geico.com. madison, Wisconsin. Coming up, Capitol Theater, April 6th. That's the One Man Show. That thing's gonna sell out, man. So get those tickets. Santa Ana, that'll be us in a rare live podcast. That'll be the esports arena. That'll be April 21st. And then Portland, sorry, Aladdin theater. That'll be June 9th. That's the one man show. And then off to Seattle for another live podcast. The more we love that place. September 13th. The cruise is right after that. So you want to check that out. That's going to be an awesome ship. And the podcast [e-mail] and ACS Store. You get the buck slips, get the shirts, get the mugs, get the caps. It's all there. And until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Chuck Negron and Gina Grand Ball, Ryan Sant. Mahalo.

[Producer/Announcer]

Above average Dong.

[Gina Grad]

Pluto TV has thousands of free movies and TV shows.

[Adam Carolla]

We're coming at you with everything we got. This is the mindset.

[Gina Grad]

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[Adam Carolla]

This is the mantra. Free. This is the mindset.

[Gina Grad]

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[Chuck Negron]

All right, that was Adam Carlos Show 2282.

[Brian Bishop]

Chuck Negron, Gina Grad and Brian Fish up 2018. Coming next, we have Adam Carla Show

[Chuck Negron]

2292 featuring Stephen Malkins from Pavement along with Gina Grad and Brian bishop, also

[Adam Carolla]

from 2018, O'Reilly Auto Parts. Yeah, love that jingle. Oh, oh, oh. So they're in the business of keeping your car on the road. We know that. They're also, you know, I don't have too many car issues. Usually I can figure them out, but if I can't, I go to O'Reilly and they got all the stuff there. Mostly stuff for me because the new stuff's like a computer. But my vintage cars, man, I can get a lot of parts from O'Reilly. They got thousands of parts in stock either in store or online. So you never have to worry if you get in a jam. Also, they'll test your battery for free and if it needs to be replaced, they'll help you find the right one. So whether you're a car aficionado or an auto novice, you'll see the employees at O'Reilly Auto Parts are helpful and friendly. O'Reilly is your one stop shop for all things auto. Do it yourself. It's O'Reilly Auto Parts. Right? Dawson stop by O'Reilly Auto Parts today

[Producer/Announcer]

or visit us at o'reillyauto.com automatic Adam and that's o'reillyauto.com Adam Pluto TV has

[Gina Grad]

thousands of free movies and TV shows.

[Adam Carolla]

We're coming at you with everything we got. This is the mindset.

[Chuck Negron]

Free.

[Adam Carolla]

This is the mantra. Free. This is

[Gina Grad]

with movies like Pineapple Express, the entire Star Trek film franchise and Gladiator and TV shows like Survivor, SpongeBob SquarePants, the Fairly Odd Parents and Ghosts. Pluto TV is always free. Pluto TV stream now pay never.

[Adam Carolla]

Good day, Gina Grad. Good day to you and bald Brian.

[Gina Grad]

You suck. You're a diva. You're a nightmare. She was hard on herself.

[Adam Carolla]

Now those are Maria Menounos from yesterday's show. I have thoughts on that. First, I want to tell you about the hymns. Go to4hymns.com Adam get your first trial month for just five bucks. And also bespoke Bespoke post. Go there. Go to bespokepost.com Enter Adam Get 20% off your first subscription box. Cool stuff. And I'll tell you all about that in a second. We were talking about this is a big problem with men and women, which is the problem of what they hear, which is what something makes them feel like versus what is actually said. Now sometimes it's both. Sometimes guys mean or folks, men or women want to convey something hurtful. They say it in a way. You know, the mom saying to the pudgy 13 year old daughter, I don't think that dress looks good on you. Which is her saying you're fat. And if our daughter you look great on your sister. If the fat. Yes. If the fat daughter hears her mom saying I think you're fat, she is correct and probably should be heard that way. I mean, I remember when I was Mr. Tomi at Walter Reed when I was going like no, Mr. Tomey at North Oxid High. When I'm saying I'm like, oh, all my friends are taking Mr. Tompkins biology class. I want to get in on Mr. Tompkins. He gave a. I don't know if that class would suit you. Well, dummy, that was a subtext. Yeah, perhaps you'd be more comfortable in something up on cinder blocks down by the future farmers of America. Like, where the gangbangers go to die. He was explaining to me it was a little too much class for me.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, he wasn't saying you have a talent for mechanical thinking.

[Gina Grad]

No, Just a little too much brain thinking for you.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I was sitting across from Mr. Tomey, and I was clearly hearing, look, I've seen your transcripts. You're a dumb dude. Like, you failed biology, failed driver's ed. You're not doing well in anything but ceramics and football and even ceramics, you're getting, like, a C, so. No, because Mr. Tompkins actually requires work and students and participation.

[Brian Bishop]

And you know where this must really be. Gina, you're gonna be on the front lines of this. You know, when you get back into the dating pool eventually is, you know, dating text. What does he mean by that? What does the text mean?

[Gina Grad]

Thank God for emojis.

[Brian Bishop]

Just the communication of letting a guy down easily. Like, maybe we should, you know, blah, blah, blah.

[Gina Grad]

Yep, yep, yep.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, there's a lot of interpretive.

[Gina Grad]

Absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

So there's a. There's a good side to this. We all know the guy who's been talking about country singing since you've known them. Nothing has ever happened in their career. You talk to them at some point, and they go, I talk to this guy. He's huge. He's big. I mean, he's not. You don't know his name, but he's huge in Europe. I mean, he sells out soccer stadiums, and he wants me to go on tour with him. He said my potential was most impressive. And you're thinking to yourself, okay, this guy's trying to blow you off. He's trying to get you out of the way. He's talking about. And then. So then you.

[Brian Bishop]

I handed him my demo. He said, oh, great. Can't wait to listen.

[Chuck Negron]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. He was so excited. His eyes were rolled to the back of his head. Yeah. Later on, I found the demo in the garbage disposal. With his enthusiasm, it must have popped out of his breast pocket when he was clapping his hands together in front of the sink.

[Brian Bishop]

Either that he was so threatened by the potential. Let anyone else hear this.

[Adam Carolla]

You start poking around a little just because it's your job to at least follow up a little. And you go, like, so, when would this European tour start? And they go, oh, he has to have carpal tunnel surgery first. He plays the harp, so that's not scheduled.

[Gina Grad]

But.

[Adam Carolla]

But as soon as he's healed up,

[Gina Grad]

they're gonna let me know.

[Adam Carolla]

And then. And then. And then you go, oh, okay. And Then you also kind of know. Don't. Two months from now, don't go, what's going on with the European tour? Like, no, because it's, It's. It's not happening. That person was saying something. He wanted to not have the uncomfortable conversation.

[Brian Bishop]

So we cut to two months from now. Marie Menonos is on Egon. And in Europe, the biggest country music tour of the decade continues.

[Adam Carolla]

So it's a good idea to be able to kind of read, you know, what, what people are saying. I think we've all had that inflection thing when people are getting ready to, you know, oh, at the party, no time for dessert. No, we're kind of trying to stay off the desserts. Matter of fact, the Uber guy said he was, you know, that means it's time. Don't launch into another stor. All right, but ladies and some gents who think like, ladies, don't start reading in a bunch of horrible stuff over what sometimes can be just a comment, a suggestion, a what have you. Trump is sitting on the edge of the bed. He's horny, but he ain't naked yet. So don't make him naked. If he ain't naked, no problem. Women, you know, obviously, no one ever said to Maria Menounos, you're stupid, you're ugly, like you don't deserve. Like, things were said to her that made her feel like that.

[Gina Grad]

Do you think that the intention was to make her feel like that? To kind of manipulate her, keep her, like, we talked about that a little

[Adam Carolla]

bit on the show. I can't imagine. I can tell you that people say things that are fives and sixes, and sometimes they're made into nines and tens. And if you do in fact have a boss, the boss is going to say on a daily or weekly basis, he's going to throw out some fives and sixes. But if you want to turn them into nines and tens, that's probably not a good life posture to go through. And look, there's no such thing as you do this for a living. This guy watches a monitor with you doing it for a living and doesn't walk out into, meet you onto the floor, the studio and say, hey, how about a little less of this and a little more of that. That's what they do. I mean, it's like, I don't know, Jack Silver. I've had program directors my whole time, my whole life. They would tell me things. I didn't think, oh, he's calling me stupid or fat or unfunny. He's just saying this is his feeling. And there is a thing about, I think about being a guy that does. We do have the luxury of just hearing ideas, good and bad, and not reading things into them. Nobody will volunteer their critical expose tune up on you faster than Jimmy Kimmel. But I never think he thinks I'm not funny or a good guy or anything. He just will immediately tell you that's not funny or it's a bad idea. What are you thinking? Or don't do it or quit being so dumb.

[Gina Grad]

His friends being so dumb or so

[Adam Carolla]

fat or so ugly, whatever it is. No, you can't spend time with Jimmy Kimmel without Jimmy Kimmel coaching you up. But if you ever mistake it for anything other than he thinks you could be better at that thing, then you'd be a fool to think there's some sort of personal anything there.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, ladies, sometimes a cigar just means you're fat.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. That's so glad you said Freud. I think when. I think when Maria Menounos says that, I think she's hearing more of that than what's actually being said. But on the other hand, it's your job as a human being to hear when the person is kind of blowing you off and wants to move on versus when they're actually saying something. So it's not to say you must be in one mode or the other mode. You must just be in. In true north mode. Tuned in mode, Satellite dish calibrated. Calibrated constantly.

[Gina Grad]

That's the other problem, at least I've experienced with men or dating or whatever is yeah, great. You're absolutely good at that. Self correcting and not reading into stuff. But you can't read a room. You don't have that extra spidey sense that sometimes the ladies are pick up a little quicker.

[Adam Carolla]

My dating thing and in general life thing is just bottom line, second date in life. It's a metaphor. It's also obviously a dating thing. But is this continuing? Are you moving forward with this thing? Whatever the person says. If you really distill dating down in lust and love and attraction, there really is no. I got some relatives coming in that weekend so I'm all booked up. Or I'm kind of focusing on studying. Right. This focusing on is the biggest nonsense excuse that's ever been given in the annals of any excuse. Forget about dating, mining disasters. Any excuse this like I'm fo. Like I am focusing on my career or work or I'm studying for the bar, whatever. It really doesn't exist. Where there's attraction, it means I'm focusing on, not you.

[Chuck Negron]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

You should never hear that as anything other than a blow off. I mean, unless there's some insane thing where you go, we are going to a rave on Sunday night that starts at 2am and goes until 8am and the person says, I am taking the bar, the California State Bar at 9am on Monday. That you don't have to read as a blow off, but anything short of that, right, you're being blown off. Okay, we got onto that. I'm not sure how, but everyone, do yourself a favor and stay tuned. Tune yourself up. And also little things like there's a party or an event or something, and there's X amount of people, you know, that goes, but you didn't get invited and now you're pissed and you want to know what the deal is. That's not the mode you should be in. As a matter of fact, you pissed and want to know what the deal is, makes that person less likely to want to bring you to the next party.

[Gina Grad]

Guarantees your absence at the next party.

[Adam Carolla]

You should sort of be thinking about, what is it that made this person not want to send me an Evite to this event? And then what may I silently do to change their mind?

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. Correct the course.

[Chuck Negron]

Yes.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

And no. Like you said with the aforementioned Jimmy Kimmel example, know when it's not personal? No. When it's like, oh, this party is for. It's a dinner party for 10 people. Or it's whatever, whatever. Like, don't take it personally that you didn't get invited.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Potentially. No. No. When. Not to take it personally.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. All right. Speaking of not being invited, my kids, wife, and everyone else is in Palm Springs right now.

[Gina Grad]

You didn't get the Eva.

[Adam Carolla]

Did not get the Evite.

[Brian Bishop]

Jen and I are heading out of the show.

[Chuck Negron]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

We're carpooling. They're staying at some place with a water slide. Everything is just. It's just kids, kids, kids. The entire world built around kids. So there's that. And so me and Philly Cheesesteak will be doing the bachelor scene for a few days.

[Brian Bishop]

It's actually kind of nice. It's a vacation for you.

[Adam Carolla]

It is. Also, side note, so the. So I was saying, so we get caught up. We're talking about a lot of gun safety talk and what are we gonna do? Talk. And you know my feeling with what are we gonna do? Is what are we gonna do with everything? I'm all for everything. That's gonna be Effective. I don't. When I hear ideas, I don't. I hear a lot of bloviating and posturing and let's take to the streets. And I feel the same way about almost. Black Lives Matter, Women's March, everything. Look, if you think there's something we can do about this, let's do it. But Black Lives Matter. Just focusing on cops is an insane notion because such a small percentage of people are killed by cops and it gets smaller every year versus many other problems that face the black community. So my thing, if it's all on the platform, then I'm all for it. But if it's just focusing on this, then. And I'm not down with the cost, this gun thing. I was saying, you know, we're all stuck on automatic, semiautomatic. There's a lot of confusion in the news all the time. They go like these. Automatic assault weapons. Automatic weapons are outlawed and should be. Although I was saying a few weeks ago, I don't think if you're planning on slaughtering humanity, I don't think you'd want to be on full automatic. I think there's some crazy situations, like the guy in Vegas with his bump stocks and all that, you know, it drives me nuts. There's something in cars called bump stops. Bump stops, they're rubber, big rubber pads that are on your A arms on your suspension. And if your suspension ever bottoms out, out, it's not metal on metal crime. It's a hard rubber bump stop.

[Brian Bishop]

So you want to ban those?

[Adam Carolla]

What effect will that have? I've said bump stop for 37 years, twice a day for my entire life. And now every time bump stock comes up, I have to go bump.

[Brian Bishop]

You're bumped?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, I'm bumped. Bump stock. Okay. I've said that if you're in a situation like a mall or school or something. Chris showing us bump stops now. They should be out loud as well that you might. You may rather be on semi automatic mode than full automatic mode, because full automatic mode, you don't aim very well, but you go right through. You go right through your ammunition.

[Brian Bishop]

This is your smash right through it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And as a guy who went down and tried out for the Hawthorne Police Department, I fired automatic, semiautomatic, and full automatic and whatever. But somebody tweeted me that in Vietnam. What was that tweet you got, Max? Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

So Phil Oakley tweeted you in Vietnam, they changed from fully automatic M16 semi automatic, and he saved about 72% of missed target.

[Adam Carolla]

So you're right on the semi, automatic

[Brian Bishop]

to automatic option when it comes to

[Adam Carolla]

guns, it's not quite Charlie, but what I'm saying is they figured out switch it to semi and save a little. Be a little more accurate and save whatever. So now you have this. And considering people have no idea what you can do in two seconds. Like you don't pull the trigger twice in two seconds. You can pull the trigger 13 times in two seconds or 11 times. Like there was just a shooting in Sacramento, right? Police shooting. Talking about it yesterday. Clark never, never got to it. But I don't know if we have the audio, but two guys, these cops went through 20 rounds in four seconds.

[Brian Bishop]

Jesus.

[Adam Carolla]

And not automatic. I mean, just as fast as they could squeeze the trigger. Do you have the sound of that? Max Spana. Go ahead, show me the gun.

[Brian Bishop]

Shots fire.

[Adam Carolla]

Subject down. All right, so we can get mired in this automatic semiautomatic thing. And that's a big discussion. But I don't know, is there a big difference? I agree to. Those guys just fired a ton of shots in that poor brother. And just literally a couple of seconds. What if they were holding full automatic? I don't know. Like, is that. That. Would that. Does it make a difference to that guy? Does it that big a difference between that? If you're in that environment.

[Brian Bishop]

In a mass shooting environment, yes, but not in that environment.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Quantity mass shooting environment. The only chance you really have. And I guess we're gonna have to sadly coach folks up on this. The only chance you have is when that person is reloading. Really. And the problem with full automatic is you got to reload fast. And I mean you go through what you got fast and, and. And also you're not as accurate. Not that you need to be as accurate. I'm not making an argument for automatic. I'm just saying like, compelling argument. I'm saying we go nuts over automatic, fully automatic, semi, automatic. The rally is. Is. I don't think there's that much. I don't think there's that much of a difference.

[Brian Bishop]

I agree 100%. Especially in terms of mass shootings. I mean, would the Florida school shooting have been any different? And versus automatic versus the gun, the kind of guns we firearms that we just heard, like, not really. Not really. Maybe 12 deaths versus 18. You know what I'm saying?

[Adam Carolla]

Like, yeah, I don't appreciable difference.

[Brian Bishop]

I think the getting mired in the weeds of the particular type of.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I think it comes down to going down the morbid highway here. It gets down to the Training of the person that's perpetrating this crime.

[Brian Bishop]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

I would bet you if you had a bunch of Seal Team 6 guys and you told them your job is to go for body count, they would probably be on semiautomatic. They would realize that spraying bullets, you know, when somebody ducked or hit somebody, but just spraying the wall, the curtains or whatever, bullets and then having to reload constantly would be an inefficient way to do it, and that there would be a higher body count if they went that way. But I don't know. I mean, you guys tweet me if anyone's from Seal Team 6 or 5 or 7.

[Brian Bishop]

Any Seal Team.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, any SEAL team. Doesn't have to and tell me, but either way, I don't like guns. I'm not a gun guy. Adam.

[Brian Bishop]

So Kalin says he knew a Marine. He said that they only used automatics for just firing at vehicles. Michael B. Navy SEALs. Oh, yeah. Michael Bean. Come on. But, yeah, so automatics were just mainly used for firing at vehicles. They would use the other guns.

[Gina Grad]

Interesting.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, just for the. For the. It's something we get. Again, we get. We get. We get mired in. But.

[Chuck Negron]

But.

[Adam Carolla]

And then also the type of gun and what it looks like and everything else.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, can we see Michael being in Navy seals?

[Adam Carolla]

Let's.

[Gina Grad]

Can I tell you something that'll make you probably laugh, but definitely angry? When I heard the homeless being called on the radio on my way in?

[Adam Carolla]

Homeless being called?

[Gina Grad]

Yes. I don't know. Yes. I don't know if it was. I don't know if it was Garcia. I don't know who it was. Somebody was giving a speech. I was just listening to KFI on my way in, and they're playing some tape.

[Brian Bishop]

Can I guess? Non housed citizens.

[Gina Grad]

Mm, that's good.

[Brian Bishop]

But it sounds very, very. Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

I almost had to pull over to enjoy my chuckle because I thought of telling you, and I was delighted.

[Adam Carolla]

Dump in the pants. Americans clothes.

[Gina Grad]

The homeless were referred to as urban campers.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. Wow. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

That was.

[Gina Grad]

It was delightful.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a very interesting. It's a very interesting experiment. Or look, there's two versions of it now. We talked about what Trump was doing with, like, low energy Jeb Bush, you know, crooked Hillary. It kind of works. It kind of works. You go from, you know, you go from illegal aliens to undocumented workers to undocumented citizens to guest citizens or something, and all of a sudden you'd be an asshole to want to get rid of undocumented guests. That makes You a douche now? You wanting to get rid of illegal aliens makes you a patriot or an American or sane or something. And I always love it. I love it when it's like a hobby lobby's denying birth control to their employees. They're not denying birth control. They're saying buy at your school, which is not denying. You. You can disagree with it, but they're not denying access. They don't. They. They're saying no access to birth control. There's no access to birth control. Like there's no access to sub sandwiches for lunch. I. I have how many. How many sub. How many? Do I buy you guys lunch every day? I wish. Or almost never. I'd like to be closer never. Are you able to obtain lunch on a daily basis? Do I deny you access to sub sandwiches? Would it be accurate to say that I deny you lunch because I'm not having a catered feast? Or would it be more accurate to say I'm not paying for your lunch?

[Brian Bishop]

You're not paying for our lunch.

[Adam Carolla]

One way makes me a regular person, a little bit dusting of an. The other makes me tyrannical and a criminal. If I'm blocking the door around noon every day going, no, no, got hit by me. We have some tarragon in the cupboards. Oh, Dawson ate. Oh, he smoked it. Okay, well, then we're on our own.

[Brian Bishop]

Knocking the food out of what makes

[Adam Carolla]

me a horrible person.

[Brian Bishop]

With those car keys, I just step out to my car.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, right. Right. So, all right, so one makes me a bad person. The other makes me just an average Joe. So if you'd like to paint me as a bad person, then you say denied access.

[Gina Grad]

I worked for the Mormon Church when I worked at the radio station recently that was owned by the Mormon Church, and I couldn't figure out why the hell my birth control was so expensive. But yes, I was still allowed to buy it if that was what I chose.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Again, you can disagree. You can quit. You can pick it, you can. You can do whatever you want. I love birth control. That's my thing. I'll eat birth control just in between

[Brian Bishop]

meals to show some solidarity of the community.

[Gina Grad]

I'm feeling peckish.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm just saying, let's call it what it is. It's not denying access. Also, you're talking to a guy who brushed his teeth with vag cream. So that's how we end up.

[Brian Bishop]

Sounds like you're bragging. At the fraternity house, you get a lot of pussy.

[Adam Carolla]

I brush my teeth with vag cream, man. Remember? Many, many, many, many years ago.

[Brian Bishop]

Dude, that dude crushes ass.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. He'll do a shot at douche.

[Brian Bishop]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

And then he'll gargles with douche and brush his teeth with vag cream. That's right. I don't want to tell you what he flosses with, but parts of a tampon people don't always talk about. Yeah, no, my.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, sorry, you were saying about the badge.

[Chuck Negron]

Creek.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. My sister, the humblest brag of all. I didn't live with my sister that long in my life because I guess she was out of there by about 14 or something. But there was a time when I think we lived in a house that was torn down in North Hollywood. And we had one thing of toothpaste, and it was gone. And so I said to my sister, I assume she took the toothpaste or did something with the toothpaste. So I said, where is the toothpaste? And she said, the toothpaste is in my purse. And then I reached into the purse. You may know where this is going. Pulled out a tube, like a white tube. I wasn't searching the purse for extra tubes. Tubes are tubes. Walked into the bathroom and squeezed whatever the contents of the white tube onto my toothbrush. And then there's an acclimation period when you brush your teeth of vag cream. But I at a certain point realized something was amiss.

[Gina Grad]

But, you know, you were a little fresh. You just. It wasn't minty.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's right. That's right. All right, so. But I was not denied access to it from my sister. I simply grabbed the wrong tube. Let me tell you about hims, man. 65% of men start losing their hair by 35. And like I said, I was chatting with my hairdresser the other day, and she said even earlier than that, fourhims.com, one Stop Shop for Hair Loss, skin care, sexual wellness and more. Thanks to science, baldness can be optional. HIMSS connects you with real doctors and medical grade solutions to treat hair loss. Generic equivalents. It's funny, the generic equivalents work exactly the same. And then all the other stuff at the gas station and at the vitamin store do zero. I don't know why you wouldn't go with generic equivalents anyway. No waiting room, no awkward doctor visits. Our listeners get a trial month of hims for five bucks while supplies last. It would cost hundreds if you went to the pharmacy. So go to fourhimls.com Adam F O R H I M S.com Adam check it out. These guys have doctors. They have medical grade generic equivalents. Just the best for hims.com Adam all right, let's see. We got here, we have live shows. I'm coming up in Madison, Wisconsin. I gotta tell you, Mike August was listening to our listener talk about the kimchi infused deviled eggs and said, no can do. I called him yesterday.

[Brian Bishop]

He's fired up.

[Adam Carolla]

Mike was pissed. He wanted to call in, and we're not doing that. So we got hold of cousin Sal's wife.

[Gina Grad]

She's from.

[Adam Carolla]

She's from Wisconsin. And we got the lowdown on some place we can get some brats and some sour sauerkraut and the rest of the rest. The real deal. Yeah, no. No better place than Madison for that kind of food, so. And nobody. No better guys to go. Mike lynch and Mike August. Nobody enjoys. No, not. Not a thousand restaurants. Not a. Oh, this a little dry or. I didn't expect this. Or also, this is what you call medium well. The stupid discussions. I gotta tell you this. I don't. I don't often wanna. I don't like to criticize my wife, but she doesn't really. Dr. Drew's wife does. Same thing. They don't get a lot off. That's strictly on the menu. Like, I'll just go, give me the Spanish omelette and you can walk away. They do a lot of, like, did that come with. Okay, so I went, can I have steamed broccoli pepper Jack? Oh, no, sorry, Jack, not Pepper Jack. And I know we already. I'm already sitting there going, rory, you're screwed. You're screwed. And then they go, do you have scallions? And they'll go, like, we have like a green onion. And then they'll go, oh, is that a scallion? And then. And then at a certain point, they go, oh, just forget it. No onions. And I'm like, okay, guess what you're getting? Like.

[Chuck Negron]

Like, you.

[Adam Carolla]

You're dealing with dumb people who don't want to write things down. Who in LA are handing a ticket with their chicken scratch on it to a guy who crawled here from Guatemala who doesn't speak a lick of English, and you're handing him this chicken scratch. And you expect. You think this. How can this transaction work? How can this work? I went out to eat with Lynette. She got the wrong thing. You know, they. They added the onions, they added that. They say all the stuff they. The ideas they'd kicked around, but then put the kibosh on, got it all came to fruition, went back, redid the whole thing, had the onions again. It's like no mayo means extra mayo. You just can't. It's sad, but you don't think about what's going on in the kitchen. In L. A, there is not. The chef from Sesame Street. He does not. He's not there. It's 100% Latino and it's 100%, you know, English. There's a struggle with English. Right? I mean, rightfully. Rightfully so. Okay, so no one's speaking English and no one is highly educated. No, this is like. Well, he's a Michelin rated chef. Do you want to. He went to school in Perry for all these years. No, this guy's. He's gonna see Denver omelette and he's gonna make a Denver omelet. The second you start mixing and matching, we're gonna. We. We have opened ourselves up.

[Gina Grad]

You get what you get.

[Adam Carolla]

There's gonna be a lot of that.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So when in. When in la, everyone just stick to that menu.

[Gina Grad]

Do yourself a favor, pick something off the.

[Adam Carolla]

She went with the jack cheese and they gave her the pepper jack, which is fake cheese, which drives me nuts. But on the other hand, if you go jack cheese, you can't say no pepper Jack. Because now you've introduced the notion of pepper jack. The last thing I would really like to just follow the person to the kitchen. It'd probably be the best 80 seconds of your life. Where I was just like, hey, Julio, listen, are we getting this? Like, what, what are point. The stuff you're planning on putting in my arm. Cause I don't trust this process. Yes.

[Gina Grad]

Actually, just last night this happened. I ordered a salmon, you know, just salmon roll sushi. And I said, can you add cucumber? Just put cucumber in with the salmon. Just add cucumber. No problem. She comes back to the table with the most delightful, like, cartoon child's platter I've ever seen. With a piece of salmon sashimi wrapped around several julienned cucumber sticks.

[Brian Bishop]

She thought you wanted it.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. I just said, salmon roll, add cucumber. And I got just a delightful betrayal of what I asked for.

[Adam Carolla]

We're starting to get to this point, you guys tell me, because I'm realizing there's a lot of breakdown communication. Cultural. Also just a general what's going on in your head versus what's going on in their head. Famously. Many years ago, I said to Gary Foltard at the other shop, I said, I need the glass cabinet Pads, the clear glass cabinet pads, like the little rubber pads that stick onto the door so the glass. Glass doesn't break. So I need the. No, I said to him, I need the clear cabinet pads. And he just looked at me and he went, oh, we don't have a clear cabinet like Wonder Woman's cabinet. You know what I mean? It was not wrong. What was going on in his head is there were some majestic clear cabinets somewhere where the pants were. And I realized I didn't. He didn't really do anything to what I. What I said. He just completely, utterly misinterpreted everything I said. Now, you go to the Japanese place. You go to the place with the guest citizens in the. In the kitchen area, and there's gonna be a lot of this. I think I'm coming. I think I'm coming to a new spot in Los Angeles at least, which is you need to be carrying pictures of what you want. You want that suit? You can do it on your phone.

[Gina Grad]

That's a good idea.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna have a binder with laminated food. And I'm gonna be like showing omelets. And when I'm showing huevos rancheros, I'll definitely. I'll have an extra breakfast burrito. Like, no, I'm looking for this. And when I'm asking, like, I'm telling you, like, how I'd like my eggs on the huevos rancheros, I will have. I will highlight the eggs. You can point to your favorite sushi. Picture of sushi.

[Gina Grad]

That's great.

[Adam Carolla]

Go ahead and peel it off. Have multiple copies. Hand it back to the. To the chef. You know, let him look. If he had a picture of what you wanted, you would have got what you wanted.

[Brian Bishop]

You know, I've seen a couple, maybe a handful of, mostly in Las Vegas, but I think one or two out here in LA have been. Order up the touchscreen off the iPad and you almost eliminate the communication altogether, which is, number one, dehumanizing, but number two, the way of the future. Because no confusion. You're just touching what you want, options what you want. Someone to walk you through it if you have to, but it's eliminating all confusion.

[Gina Grad]

It's self checkout.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Also just eliminating the confusion in the hash browns, cottage fry, whatever thing. Everyone's got their own take on their breakfast. Potatoes. They've given them a name you've never heard of. There's a lot of, like, are these hash browns? Yeah, yeah, they're hash browns. We have carrots and bell pepper and cube. Like It's a. It's a. It's a purple potato that we've cubed. And they're like, no, no, I'm talking about hash browns. Shredded fries, hash browns. I gotta tell you this, too. I don't know, maybe it's a hash brown. Half empty approach to life I have. But I love my hash browns.

[Brian Bishop]

Hell, yeah, I love them.

[Producer/Announcer]

I love them.

[Adam Carolla]

I love. I love them. They're a little brown on the outside, a little milky on the inside. I love. And this is why I get so angry at people that break all their food off. And at first I eat this, then I eat that. Oh, I get the hash brown going. I get a little ketchup, a little Tabasco in the ketchup. You know, I just graze it. I just, like, sideswipe it a little inside the essence. Then I grab a little of the omelet, like a little cheese or a little sausage or something.

[Brian Bishop]

Tease it by. Dip it in there just a little bit.

[Adam Carolla]

All goes in at 1. All goes in at once. I got to. Is it all right? I'm going full Maria Menounos here.

[Brian Bishop]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

Lynette's like, she's lukewarm on hash browns. She likes them. She can never finish them, you know, like, she's fine with them. It doesn't matter. But every time I get the hash browns.

[Gina Grad]

You suck. You're a diva. You're a nightmare.

[Adam Carolla]

They dropped the plates off. Mine are a little more burnt, a little thinner, and a little less. And then I look at this bounty that's been offered to the other person. I get a little bit, like, I think I got the end of the hash browns. Like, you got the sweet spot.

[Brian Bishop]

They're actually glowing.

[Adam Carolla]

You got the meat of the hash browns. Like, first off, it looks. There's a lot. Look, I didn't want to have to pull out the scale, but let's weigh this. Like, I know there's so much more volume on your plate, and it's thicker and it's got more of all the good stuff. And mine's just a little burnter and a little thinner and a little. I have that strong feeling.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Now. But it could be just going, Maria Menouna. I don't know.

[Brian Bishop]

I'm thinking that's a referendum on you from the chef.

[Adam Carolla]

No, just, like, it's impossible that you get the short end of the hash brown stick every time. You just feel. You feel that way. And you don't remember the times when you got the huge pile of hash browns. And the other Person got sort of these sloppy seconds, burnt out edge, end of the run. Hash browns. But it always feels that way to me.

[Gina Grad]

Since we're doing some hot hash brown talk, can I give you a piece of advice on how to make it more glorious? As long as Vinnie doesn't listen.

[Adam Carolla]

Please.

[Gina Grad]

I saw somebody do this recently and I really needed a mop. You know, you can order hash browns with onions and cheese on top.

[Adam Carolla]

I like it.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, my God, I like it. And I almost fell over.

[Adam Carolla]

I do feel like it's one more. Hold on. Do you have a picture of. No. Well, you need a picture. That's true, because we're gonna. You're gonna get the jalapeno, you're gonna get the fake jack. Synthesize. Jack Cheddar's not my favorite. Of all the cheeses, it's the one. They for sure don't synthesize. So I find myself ordering cheddar. That's my choke up and hit a double, because I'm not. I don't want that square. And also, when you order a cheese omelette or cheese with your omelette and they give you the square on top of the omelet, that is not what I. Again, I need the picture. Once again, the picture. All right, let's see. We have March Gradness to play. Got a call up there I want to tell you about Bespoke Post man subscription club that offers monthly themed boxes curated from unique brands around the world. Wide variety of box themes, style, grooming, cooking, drinking. Ooh, a new one just arrived. What's the theme? Get into it, you guys. Let me see what we got here.

[Brian Bishop]

Kaylin's curating.

[Adam Carolla]

I can use my knife. From my last box to a little oak barrel. We got a cask. Oh, is there Saint Bernard in there? My entire childhood was Saint Bernards and

[Brian Bishop]

casks around the neck.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, if I see St. Bernard. Noun. There's no.

[Brian Bishop]

There's no cats.

[Adam Carolla]

No sherry around their neck. Angry.

[Brian Bishop]

That's a spigot hole, Gina. It goes on top.

[Gina Grad]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

Bottle. We'll work it out anyway. No.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, my God, that's awesome.

[Brian Bishop]

Flask. A decanter.

[Adam Carolla]

Excuse me. No. Oh. No commitments. Yeah. Tell them what box you're getting on the first of each month, and then you have five days to keep it, switch it, or skip it. Just visit bespokepost.com, answer a few short questions, help them gauge your interest. This is a great gift for someone, by the way. It's all heavy duty stuff. It's all real Stuff.

[Brian Bishop]

It's a cool to sell piece.

[Adam Carolla]

It's all serious stuff. It's not not junk. Each box is only 45 bucks with 70 bucks worth of goods inside. It is bespoke Post. Again, great gift, dawson.

[Producer/Announcer]

To receive 20% off your first subscription box, go to bespokepost.com and enter promo code Adam at checkout. 20% off your first box at B E S P O K E post.com promo code Adam. Bespoke post theme boxes for guys that give a doc.

[Brian Bishop]

Get out.

[Gina Grad]

Yes, sir.

[Adam Carolla]

We're looking at a picture of hash browns.

[Brian Bishop]

That's ihop.

[Gina Grad]

Those could be a little more melted, but you say, yeah, I'll do hash browns. Can you add cheese and onions?

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so you'll cry. What am I gonna do with my food flashcards? Just carry around a big binder everywhere. Oh, you know what?

[Gina Grad]

I should have trapper keeper.

[Adam Carolla]

Tell you what I'll have.

[Brian Bishop]

It's gonna be an app for this.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll have a. I'll have one. I'll have one labeled Mexican food. I don't want to bring them all in.

[Gina Grad]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

Like a pilot. I have to carry one of those pilot briefcases now. Yeah, there's got to be an app. I am convinced, though, like with the sushi, when you don't want to drown in the sweet sauce or you want your cucumber added minus a picture with Mrs. Livingston over there. It's never going to work.

[Brian Bishop]

When Mike August was in Amsterdam and

[Producer/Announcer]

he ordered his Denver omelette and they

[Brian Bishop]

looked at him and wondered, what the hell are you talking about? Could have used that picture.

[Gina Grad]

Or when Dawson ordered a beer and they brought him a pina colada.

[Producer/Announcer]

No, I wanted.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, right.

[Gina Grad]

Sorry. My mistake.

[Producer/Announcer]

Ordered three of those. Come on now.

[Gina Grad]

I was trying to help you.

[Producer/Announcer]

Amsterdam, the home of the pina colada ace.

[Adam Carolla]

There was, to be fair to Dawson, there was a glossy picture from the late 80s, early 90s on the front of this bar that this person forgot to take down. It looked like he was like, huh. It was like. It was as. Again, as I'd been drinking whiskey for 36 hours. I'd gone to Jesus.

[Brian Bishop]

You guys were on the Ugly American Store.

[Adam Carolla]

I used to go when I would go to Holland, when I'd go to model cuts and get my $11 haircuts. They'd have, like, Nagel models from the 80s, like, plastered all over the pictures. But there was nothing that resembled that going on inside of this $11 haircut place. That's kind of what happened with you. And the pina colada. Yeah, yeah. Hey, and listen, you know, you guys tell me, but with food, I get it. Bring it all out at once. But when I'm ordering a rye on the rocks and Dawson orders the pina colada, and that guy's got to run back there and get a rolling ladder out, like he had to get an A frame. It was like. It was full Home Depot. Like, you had to go get a manager, get an A frame ladder, get some guy up on it, get, like, a forklift and start moving stuff around back there. My argument with the booze. Go ahead and bring my riot.

[Producer/Announcer]

Yeah, no, I'm with you there. I made the mistake of thinking that because this restaurant put a huge, dominating picture of a pina colada right out in front of their store, they must be known for the pina colada. They could serve that bad boy up quick.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. The problem is white wine doesn't have a lot of curb appeal. You know what I mean? And neither really does a beer. But a pina colada pops. And I think that's what happened. All right. So sorry, Brian. Was. There was something I was missing.

[Gina Grad]

No, we're taking a call. We're doing Gradness.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, we're doing gradness. Ryan 35, Santa Monica. Hey, how's it going? Hey, man. Hey, man. So, yeah, I called. I just did my first open mic the other night, and it was. That was like, the first hump of trying to do this, I guess. And now I'm kind of wondering, do

[Producer/Announcer]

you have any tips or just trying

[Adam Carolla]

to get more natural when you're in front of a mic? I guess I kind of go into a mode where I tell a story and you can tell that it's a story and it's, you know, rehearsed.

[Brian Bishop]

Are you trying to make this a career, Ryan, or some sort of.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, honestly, I. It's kind of a hobby, something I've always wanted to do. Friends have said I should do it. Friends have told me not to do it because they don't like when I make jokes. But I'm upset right now that I'm doing pretty well at. I'm upset that no friend ever told me to do Company. I was told to shut up and get my contractor's license or, like, get a. Get a lumber rack for my truck. Yeah, there's no. There's no such thing as talking to a comedian who said, great heckle, by the way. Shut up and get your contract the way. It's. It's my thing with the model. Like, no, no. How did you get into modeling? Oh, when I was 14, I looked into a mirror and realized I was piping hot and I could cash in on this. It's always, like, there's two stories. Somebody signed me up for a modeling competition, which is dubious, because if you sign me up for, like, a Scrabble competition, I'd just be like, I'm not going to Saturday.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm not doing it like our chess or. Yeah, you said, try signing me up for a modeling competition. See if I show up. If I don't want to model. Hey, we're signing you up for a snuff film. All right.

[Chuck Negron]

Geez.

[Adam Carolla]

I was gonna take the kids to Arby's, but committed. Well, what are you gonna do? You put your.

[Brian Bishop]

Someone else signed your name.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Yeah. I mean, there's a clipboard, and somebody put the date next to their name. So what are you gonna do? Was there a pencil tied to a string? Absolutely. Well, then it's done.

[Brian Bishop]

It's out of my hands.

[Adam Carolla]

It's out of my hands. So, yes, model chicks. You don't have to. Then there's a lot of the other. There's only one other way of getting into modeling. Somebody signed you up to be a model, and what could you do? Or you went to a modeling audition with your friend.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, tag along.

[Adam Carolla]

No, not sure how that works either, but somebody spotted you, and whatever. Now, with comedy, it's the same thing. Everybody's coworkers push them up on stage or sign them up for an open mic again. And once again, there's 57 guys who show up and 13 spots. So if you don't make it, it's not like the guy at the Comedy Store is going to go, where's Herb? This is insane. Somebody signed him up. All right, well, someone's doing comedy. I don't care what his name is. Someone get up here.

[Producer/Announcer]

Do three.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't have to go. But I'm upset that no one signed me up for modeling competition. No one ever spotted me when I attended anything with anybody. And no one ever said I should do standup. Certainly no family member or friend. And nobody ever went, hey, you gotta get up there.

[Brian Bishop]

Ryan, who signed you up?

[Adam Carolla]

I signed myself.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, that's a bad sign.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a bad sign. Now, here's the thing. I thought I was funny enough to do it, and I didn't want to do construction anymore, so I did it myself. And I believe lots of chicks living in Kentucky or Hot go this is my ticket out of here. I look good and they sign themselves up, but that's not the story we get. That's what I'm saying. So, Ryan. Yeah.

[Producer/Announcer]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Here's what I would tell. I'm thinking about getting into modeling now. After this, I'm gonna sign you up. I went to the Barbizon School, modeling. Because they gave me a choice. It was binary, which is, would you like to model or just look like one? And I was like, those are the only conditions. I mean, it's A or B, right? There's not a third choice?

[Gina Grad]

Nope.

[Adam Carolla]

There's not third. That says, take all my money and I go back to a construction site? No, you can either model, sir, or you can look like one. And I'm like, well, either one of those. Like, well, just. I'll throw caution to the wind. You gotta find the Barbizon School. Max Pata. Find the Barbizon School. Max Pata. Find the Barbizon. Yeah. Do a thing where you do some sort of movement with your head or something that's semi affirmative or something. When I say her name. The Barbizon School. Modeling. Don't go this fast. All right, fine. It. Let's see what it sounds like.

[Chuck Negron]

It's really happening.

[Gina Grad]

After years of dreaming about modeling, I'm

[Adam Carolla]

actually training at Barbizon.

[Chuck Negron]

Thanks to this great book, she's learned

[Adam Carolla]

the secrets of successful models. To work with makeup artists, to pose for photographers and TV directors. Her dream came true at Barbizon, where

[Gina Grad]

you train to model using everything you've got.

[Stephen Malkmus]

Hold on.

[Adam Carolla]

Pause it for a second. San Francisco. Go. Fine. These are where their headquarters are. San Jose. Stockton. Stockton. Not exactly. Milan.

[Brian Bishop]

It also wasn't Silicon Valley. San Jose. That's a very different San Jose back then.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Stockton. Like, I don't think there's a lot of guys from Vogue and Cosmo, like, swinging by. Hey, we're looking for new recruits. Hot young prospects. We're going to Stockton.

[Producer/Announcer]

I don't know what Stockton was in 1980, but now it is one of the most dangerous places in America.

[Adam Carolla]

It was a modeling hub of the world back in the 80s. How the mighty have fallen. All right. Sorry. Keep going. Sorry.

[Chuck Negron]

Phone call to get started.

[Adam Carolla]

Barbizon wants you to get started, too. If you're 13 or over, call for your Barbizon book today. All right, now find the one where you can. That's. Don't be too quick on the draw, Max. Patty. You can either be a model or you can look like 1. 13. Also modeling school. Unless they carve out some time for blowing Arab dudes, you know, like this guy. Yes. He's a graduate level course.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, Masters.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, he's.

[Brian Bishop]

You can just call him the Sheik.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you just call him the Iron Sheik. Yeah, the Sultan. All right, sorry.

[Gina Grad]

I would love to know if Natalia comes back and reports that they came to recruit at school because they would do that to us.

[Chuck Negron]

Really?

[Gina Grad]

In Kansas. And can you imagine today having a woman from Barbizon or whoever come in and say, you can all be models. You cut your bangs, you get braces, you clean up the acne and just pointing at all the girls in gym class.

[Brian Bishop]

That's also.

[Adam Carolla]

If there's anything you don't need to go to school for, it's modeling. You can pitch the truck drivers, you can pitch baseball camps, like anything. But modeling is really the one thing you really don't need to go to school for. Well, you know what I'd to like? I would like to go to the Barbersound Wall of fame and find out all the top tier models, like how many in this Sports Illustrated, Vogue, like how many Vogue covers do you have on your belt? From just Stockton.

[Brian Bishop]

This is Tyra's first. Here's Tyra's Angels Wings.

[Adam Carolla]

Sorry, Ryan. Yeah, I'm still here. Yeah. All right, here's my tip for you on stage. And everybody, everybody writes everything down and then like tries to commit it to memory or put it on cards or whatever it is. Have. What is the feeling of your story? What story are you telling? Like, don't worry about the order or the verbiage. Like, what is imagine something happened? Like, oh, you were driving home and this guy had a flat tire and so you went to go help him change a tire. Next thing you know, the guy starts swinging a tire wrench at you. And then a cop pulled over and he thought you were the one with the tire wrench, so he pepper sprayed you. Like, imagine there's that story. Right? Right. You wouldn't write it down and then like memorize it and stuff like that. You. You would tell it. You would go, oh, here's what happened. You would be. You would. You would come home to your wife or your whomever and you go, here's what happened. And. And that's how you should approach this. Now as you go, you'll start finding little moments and little beats and little laughs and little jokes in amongst the telling, amongst telling the story. And you'll want to repeat those. So you'll have the story and then you'll have your little pop marks, your little starred areas where you go, oh, there's a joke that's in there somewhere. But just tell the story. Don't memorize it and regurgitate it. Just tell it. You good, Ryan? Got it. Okay, buddy. Yeah. Makes sense. Thank you. All right.

[Brian Bishop]

Ooh.

[Adam Carolla]

Stockton is where the band Pavement was formed. Oh, did you know that modeling didn't

[Gina Grad]

work out, so they tried to use it?

[Adam Carolla]

Stephen Malkmas from Pavement is going to be here in a second. All right, do you find the one where you can. Was it Barbers on?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, it is, but this one's just text. We're trying to find where the narrator says it's, you know, for audience video purposes.

[Adam Carolla]

But, yeah, you can either be a model.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Oh, just put it up, Kaylin.

[Adam Carolla]

You can. And also, I feel like models can look like models, too. And when they're not working right.

[Producer/Announcer]

Oh.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my. Going 90s now.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

We're transitioning from 80s.

[Producer/Announcer]

Learn about an exciting career in modeling.

[Adam Carolla]

Call now for your free Barbizon booklet and start on the new, more fabulous you today.

[Gina Grad]

Real train to be a model.

[Brian Bishop]

Or just look like you can get

[Adam Carolla]

the look, poise and confidence of a Barbizon model for the free booklet and soar to new heights. All now. I would just sit and stare at these commercials when I was a kid and be like, huh, who does these things? Where does this go? What do you do? You go there. Who takes you there?

[Gina Grad]

You gotta start with, how do you get there?

[Adam Carolla]

How do you get there? Whose mom is driving them to Barbara's side? My mom's. She's in her room right now with her biorhythm wheel yelling freak out. I don't think she's driving me to Barbizon. And then what? Someone's got to cut a check.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You give money pain free, Barbara San. All right, they can't still exist, right?

[Brian Bishop]

There's some really modern commercials.

[Adam Carolla]

I'd love it if Barbizon was still around.

[Brian Bishop]

Look, this is the soundtrack.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it is. It's in the business, I think, what we call a feel alike.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, it's still. It's still.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, my God. That is Barbara John.

[Adam Carolla]

Still going strong.

[Gina Grad]

Let your star shine is the new tagline.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, now, coworkers, do you know when I say I watch commercials closely? Me and Dawson, I watch him because it's a sociological experiment on where we are right now. Dawson does it because his universal remote's out of batteries. But either way, we both find ourselves studying commercials.

[Brian Bishop]

You're Students of commercials.

[Adam Carolla]

Students of commercials. And how many times have I said they represent the moment that we're in? Sure, you take one group like you just take barbers on modeling school. There's a 70s commercial, there's an 80s commercial. There's a Spuds MacKenzie 90s commercial. And the latest one looks nothing like any of them. It looks very to the second. And it's not look like a model anymore. Please, your man or any of. No, no.

[Gina Grad]

Let your star shine.

[Adam Carolla]

Very thematic of where we are. So if you want to know where we are, look no further than Barbizon.

[Gina Grad]

That's great. Oh, they're teaming up. Looking for fresh faces, Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. All right, Find me one I would have watched when I was 70 in the 70s. Sorry. Castrol Edge. I'll tell you about that. Designed for consumers who demand the best performance from their cars. Tech advances and made engines smaller, more powerful and efficient. Engines today produce 10 tons per square centimeter of pressure. Look, they're all turbocharged. They're all working hard. They're all working overtime. The only thing between the metal on metal contact is a thin layer of oil. Oil needs to be strong. We go with Castrol Edge, formulated with fluid technology. Sorry, fluid titanium technology. 3 times. 3 times stronger fool against viscosity breakdown than the leading full synthetic. All right, shall we? Let's see. I know our guest is here, but I feel like we kicked March Gradness back last time. Let's just do March Gradness right now. Is it the poetry oh yeah section? Let's do it.

[Producer/Announcer]

And we're back with the March Grad Elite 8. That's Elite 8 with two E's, which is coincidentally, Gina's bra size. In our last March Gratinist poetry round, Theo sent Jake packing back to Shady Acres. And not gay Julie upset Studley Peter in a plot twist worthy of some author who's really good at plot twists. I didn't pay attention in English, but let's hope today's competitors did. We've once again followed our potential. We've once again asked our potential suitors to whip their longfellows out, write a poem, and make sure Gina is single. Nevermore.

[Brian Bishop]

Couple potential mismatches coming up.

[Producer/Announcer]

Just like last time, we'll be reading four breathtaking literary works two at a time, and Gina will decide which author moves on and who stays home. Alone with this is Dickens. Our first head to head matchup. Literary puns is Mike from the alimony conference versus Arthur from the Missed connections conference. Here's Mike's poem On a date in 1978 in Overland park after dark Mr. Grad became a dad. Gina had a smile that filled an arena. She voiced rose. I'd suck her toes. She's on my favorite pod and has a hot pod. She has incredible wit and I really like her mitt. If it comes to pass, I will eat her ass. We can walk her dog who is blind as a log. He hears no more. Wow. She has great mounds. We've met in the past, but that went way too fast. Said a date date so we can create a friendship.

[Stephen Malkmus]

Wow.

[Gina Grad]

You know, the. My takeaway from that one is for him to know so much information about me. How he could get the year of my birth so wrong.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. That's weird.

[Gina Grad]

He knew everything else.

[Brian Bishop]

Everything else? He did research his homework.

[Gina Grad]

All right. Anyway. It was good, though.

[Chuck Negron]

Yeah.

[Producer/Announcer]

He added a lot of years to uk.

[Gina Grad]

He sure did.

[Brian Bishop]

When did asking you become the theme of this whole?

[Gina Grad]

When you. You created the drop. Brian.

[Producer/Announcer]

Here's Arthur's poem. Although I don't really know you and you're a radio personality, your self deprecation and wit is what really matters to me. I made it through two rounds with competition. Slim to nil. But to have a chance to be judged by you is what really gets the feels. Competition is stacked now, matched with the other categories. All I ask is for a chance for you to be more exploratory.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, that's it. Okay.

[Brian Bishop]

That was not a good poem.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Gina Grad]

Dawson needs a drink. That was a lot of work for. Okay, I. I'm a sucker for anyone who mentions my dog.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a big deal. Yeah. Let's work an aesthetic here.

[Gina Grad]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Mike seems like the kind of guy who is suspended with pay, whatever that means to you. Just. He'd tell you a story at some point. He'd explain how he's suspended and then he paused and go full pay. And you wouldn't want to probe anymore

[Brian Bishop]

because the union had his back. It was sleeping, right?

[Adam Carolla]

The union had his back. You imagine the job. I don't care. He was suspended with pay. The union head is back. Arthur. Looks like if Zach Braff and Chris d'. Elia.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Had a stepbrother that opened a pot dispenser. Or. No, Sold hydroponic equipment.

[Gina Grad]

Sure. Yeah. Yeah. A little Galifianakis in there too, maybe.

[Chuck Negron]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Brian Bishop]

Better.

[Gina Grad]

What do you guys think?

[Adam Carolla]

I. I like Mike's poem a lot better. I mean, if we're. If we're.

[Chuck Negron]

If.

[Adam Carolla]

If we're Using the poem. If we're, we're factoring in the poem and there's a reason why we, we put that out there as part of the compulsory, then you got to give the nod to Mike.

[Gina Grad]

I. I think you're right. I think he did most of his research and a lot of his homework. So let's reward him. Mike, you're moving on.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Producer/Announcer]

Congratulations, Mike. Just wait till your ex wives and illegitimate children hear about this. There's only one more spot remaining in our final four. Will Hunter reach the new Hebrew heights? Or will International Alpha conference winner and fisherman Rhett finally get some rod action? Here's Hunter's poem. Baby, when I heard you there was peace unknown. I set out to get you a Hebrew tome. I was kvetching inside, there was spilkis going on. You mimic robin quivers like I can't, can't explain. Eat carbs with me, there'll be no weight gain. All your jokes are so smart. Like Adam says, let's get it on. Your cockapoo is blind. Your hugs feel like purellation. David Coppa feel.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Producer/Announcer]

No augmentation. Eat rye bread together.

[Adam Carolla]

Huh. Speak Yiddish.

[Producer/Announcer]

Forever mitzvah Mensah of my dream. That is what you are. You will get this song. Shiskas are too dumb.

[Gina Grad]

Shik says. Oh my God, this was amazing. First of all, did, did anyone recognize the first line of that poem as a song that that reminded you of anything?

[Adam Carolla]

I had a little dreidel.

[Gina Grad]

I sit out to meet you with a fine too. Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, that's how you end to the

[Adam Carolla]

tune up

[Producer/Announcer]

my dream.

[Adam Carolla]

Hunter, that is what you are, right?

[Producer/Announcer]

You will get this song Hunter. Shikas are too dumb.

[Gina Grad]

Describe my face right now.

[Adam Carolla]

Big smile, glowing. Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

In the aftermath good love making session

[Adam Carolla]

out of his gay brother gatherer is no catch. But Hunter over here. This guy's awesome.

[Producer/Announcer]

All right, well, Rhett comes back with

[Adam Carolla]

this fire, it's going to be tough. Tough. I love your laugh.

[Producer/Announcer]

I love your smile. Please pick me and put our love on trial. If you do what's right and ignore the rest, I promise you on date night we'll be yelling we the best. Think about the kids we'd make. Tick tock, tick tock. It's getting late. They'd be smart and sassy just like you. Besides, you're super pretty for a Jew. I'm just kidding about all that. And by the way, you're not fat. That 50 pounds is way too much. If you pick me, I'll buy you lunch. So let me take you on this date and seal that weirdo Ronnie's fate.

[Gina Grad]

Wow, is this what the kids call negging someone?

[Brian Bishop]

I think Rhett might have been trying to take himself out of the competition a little bit.

[Adam Carolla]

Interesting.

[Gina Grad]

Super cute and I. He has a sense of humor, but I feel like if we were on a date and he kept talking to me like that, I would get super annoyed.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but his hands smell like fish. So.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, remember in the 90s when like the 49ers would play the Cowboys in the semi finals? It was like this is the real Super Bowl. Over wins. This is taking the whole thing. And that's how it was. This is the real finals.

[Gina Grad]

You think between Rhett and Hunter?

[Brian Bishop]

I think these guys have the inside

[Adam Carolla]

track to your heart.

[Gina Grad]

I mean there's no denying how happy Hunter's poem made me. Rhett's a cutie and I like that he does a sports like fishing.

[Brian Bishop]

Fishing.

[Gina Grad]

I don't know man.

[Brian Bishop]

Look at that fish.

[Gina Grad]

Look at that fish.

[Brian Bishop]

Hunter made me smile. I haven't seen you smile in quite some time.

[Adam Carolla]

Is that a salmon he's holding up? Kind of seems like a big old salmon to me. But either way It's a big 30 pound fish. Sorry.

[Gina Grad]

Both well done. Both very good looking. But I cannot deny the physical reaction that Hunter's poem gave me. Ear to ear grin. It's gotta be Hunter.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I think gotta be Hunter. Gotta be Hunter.

[Brian Bishop]

He put it out of contention.

[Producer/Announcer]

Congratulations Hunter. We're all verklempt and can't stop schwitzing over here. Tune in next week for the final four in March. Gradness.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, all right, man. Oh yeah. So Madison next Friday, April 6th. That's One Man Stand Up. And then Santa Ana Esports. That'll be us doing a Rare Live podcast. April 21, Cleveland Agora Theater. May 17, One Man Show. Then Detroit Royal Oak Theater. That'll be on the 18th. That's a stand up show. Portland Aladdin theater. That'll be June 9th. We'll do probably a couple shows there and we'll tape that, do a special out of it. We'll film it. Seattle Moore Theatre. We'll all be up there doing a live podcast. And we're going on the cruise, man. Room's at it, baby. So go to book a [e-mail] all right. Podcast master class and more out there. Stephen Mal is coming out here. We'll talk to him in a second. First break in good sports.

[Stephen Malkmus]

Come from the underground.

[Adam Carolla]

Throw me right back where I belong.

[Stephen Malkmus]

I got no time for this,

[Adam Carolla]

That is. Stephen Malchus is in studio now. Sparkle Hards the name. The helmet's available May 18th on Matador Records. And I'll tell you a little about the tour and dates and things like that coming up. Good to see you, Steven.

[Stephen Malkmus]

Nice to be here.

[Adam Carolla]

I will tell you quickly. Thank you. Beachbody on demand for this half of the show. You can text Adam to 303030 and try your free trial. TrueCar truecar.com Download the app Geico. Save 15% or more on your insurance. Buffalo Wild Wings as well. Wings, beer, sports. What else you need? Good to see you, Stephen, in the Portland area now, but. But no Barbizon outlet, as I can tell in the Portland area. So that'll be your loss. I love Portland. We have tons of fans in Portland. I don't know. I don't know if I could go full time Portland though. Was there something. What attracted you to Portland?

[Stephen Malkmus]

I just kind of ended up there, moving back west. I'm from the west coast and. And basically just moving my furniture and my possessions from Northern Idaho from the compound. And I just ended up there and stopped. And I never. Time moves fast the older you get. And all of a sudden it's 17 years and I've been there for a long time.

[Adam Carolla]

I've always looked at life and time as sort of like I grew up in North Hollywood and the first time I drove to San Francisco, it took forever. And then the second time it's like a little bit quicker. And now going from LA to the. Going up the Bay Area, it's like in a car. Don't even think about the time. It's just done. It's just you're. So nothing has changed other than your perception of it. But that's it.

[Stephen Malkmus]

That's life in a nutshell. So.

[Adam Carolla]

And it's kind of sad because now that I'm enjoying my life and doing things I want to do and actually trying to make a little hay while the sun shines, it's going by so fast. And when I was flailing and I don't know. You're in a great band. In a great band.

[Stephen Malkmus]

You can't never flail.

[Adam Carolla]

Couldn't be a good student.

[Stephen Malkmus]

Not bad.

[Adam Carolla]

Not bad.

[Stephen Malkmus]

Yeah, I mean, I got the degree. Parents paid for it. Guilt.

[Adam Carolla]

What'd you get a degree in?

[Stephen Malkmus]

History.

[Adam Carolla]

When I was like 13, I'd find myself just sitting in a class, just staring at the clock, going, come on, come on, let's go, let's go, please. I'm going out of my brain. It Just dragged.

[Stephen Malkmus]

Yeah, that was church for me.

[Adam Carolla]

I think no air conditioning does that to a man's soul, too. So what college you go to?

[Stephen Malkmus]

University of Virginia. Famous for our quick out in the NCAA tournament.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it was. Oh, we had coach Tony Bennett call into the show.

[Stephen Malkmus]

Oh, you did?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it was really Jay Moore as coach, singer Tony Bennett doing singer Tony Bennett as coach Tony Bennett, which cracked everyone up. The great news is, is Mike August had no idea that there was a coach called Tony Bennett. He thought it was a Jay Moore non sequitur. And I had to explain to the guy, Martin, the guy's worked in comedy for 30 years, that it's not. The whole premise of the bit is null and void if there's not an actual Tony Bennett.

[Brian Bishop]

I pitched him. Coach John Rickles.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. The tour, by the way, coming to Chicago and then Pittsburgh. And I'm trying to get the Chicago theater right. Let's see. Thalia. Did I say that right?

[Chuck Negron]

Hall

[Stephen Malkmus]

got bad Internet service in here. I'd have to look myself.

[Gina Grad]

We'll punch in. Thalia. Thalia.

[Chuck Negron]

Thalia.

[Adam Carolla]

Thalia. Thalia.

[Stephen Malkmus]

Thalia.

[Adam Carolla]

And then it's much easier one for me in Pittsburgh. Rex theater.

[Brian Bishop]

Rex is pretty straightforward.

[Adam Carolla]

That'll be on the 6th. And you can find out more dates and tickets and all that. Just go to Stephen malkmus.com. it's Ms. But it's M U S. Right.

[Stephen Malkmus]

Muss. Yeah, Malkmus. My last name.

[Adam Carolla]

Why do I. What goes on?

[Stephen Malkmus]

It's. Malkmiss is fine. It's what they said when I was at the free throw line.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait, wait.

[Brian Bishop]

I watched a few videos of him and he said, hey, I'm Steve Malkmus.

[Stephen Malkmus]

I probably did say that. I think Malk Miss is the right way if my family is listening. As you know, they are all avid listeners to your podcast.

[Chuck Negron]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

The Malkmiss or the Malkmuses represent most of my audience.

[Brian Bishop]

The Malk Mai are.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, Chris did his due diligence, gents.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I. I have video proof.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Stephen Malkmus]

I think that's fine.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, all right.

[Stephen Malkmus]

You know, I would shorten it like Dreyfus.

[Brian Bishop]

You know, say Dreyfus. Dreyfus.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's right.

[Brian Bishop]

Hey, kind of. It's a, you know.

[Gina Grad]

Schwa.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, exactly. Nobody knows for sure.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Gina Grad]

Not even Steven.

[Adam Carolla]

Listen, I just had a conversation four days ago with my sister and she was explaining to me that my last name was Corollo. And I was like, I think it's Corolla. He's like your uncle Went by Corolla. And then it's like, yeah, but dad went with Corolla. And then she went, well, maybe they tweaked it at Ellis Island. I was like, why tweak Corollo versus Corolla? And then said Corolla. Sounds ethnic.

[Stephen Malkmus]

It's more like feminine, I think, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, interesting.

[Stephen Malkmus]

You're. Yeah.

[Producer/Announcer]

She should go metrosexual.

[Gina Grad]

Before you knew it.

[Stephen Malkmus]

Before you knew it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Rapid Ralph. Ralph fought in World War II. He wasn't going with any Corollas. He went with a Corolla. Corolla sounds like a tool you'd use rarely. Like a melon ball or shrimp deveiner. Like, hand me the Corolla. We're making lady fingers. All right, so let's see. We have the news. What else we got?

[Brian Bishop]

Take that tune.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, we have Take that tune. That's right.

[Brian Bishop]

Stephen's take on some, Some of the hits of the day.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Okay. Oh, now the, the game is we figure out when I'm going to tap out on the tune of a modern song. Modern song.

[Brian Bishop]

These are all charting songs. Top 15 of the charts, Something like that. These are all hits.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

And we're going to play the song. Adam's going to say, that's it. I can't take anymore. Or he's not. And we have to we pre guess how long he's going to take.

[Gina Grad]

Our answers are already locked and loaded.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, right. Yes. I'm not. Yeah. I just, I don't know. New. New. A lot of pop music now feels just super lazy to me. It just feels like people that don't really want to sing or learn instruments or put things together, like, it just feels so. It just seems like an insane lack of effort. But not, not in the I want to be a star department. Just in the I, I, I don't want to sit around and do something.

[Stephen Malkmus]

The craft department, you're thinking it's lacking. What's your idea of a great pop song like Stairway to Heaven or something? I mean, that's got a lot of craft in it.

[Adam Carolla]

I like, I don't know why, but when I hear, like Tears of a Clown by Smokey Robinson and the Miracles, now we gotta find Tears of a Clown. I like it because it's got an oboe in it, but it's got so much going on. It's got a good bass line. Like, it's got a good kind of progressive kind of driving bass line. And it's got a good arrangement to it.

[Brian Bishop]

Co written by Stevie Wonder.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that Hack. What happened to him?

[Stephen Malkmus]

That is some nice walking bass there. That's the sound of crap. He's got a good voice, too.

[Adam Carolla]

Of course, he does have a great voice. And it's short, it's clean, it's got. It's like pretty good lyrics about like I. I had put on. On the face. I put on the smile on my face. But when I go home I cry about you yeah. Don't let my glad. My glad impression. Expression give you the wrong impression.

[Stephen Malkmus]

Certainly the. Maybe the lyrical development. Not to talk like an ethnomusicologist. It's more developed than some of the songs you might hear just now. Yeah, about five minutes or one minute.

[Gina Grad]

Well, Dave, don't they say that a good pop song or sad lyrics to an upbeat tempo?

[Adam Carolla]

I like what's so Funny About Peace, Love and Understanding.

[Stephen Malkmus]

Yeah, by John Lennon. Just kidding. Elvis Costello.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. I like Nick Lowe's Girls Talk, which is probably Nova Scoto. I'm thinking of like, short poppy movie

[Stephen Malkmus]

you came into your tastes around, like 1978, it sounds like. And was that when you first decided you liked the band or something? I would listen what just came on the radio.

[Adam Carolla]

I would. I would listen to K rock, like way back in the day. And I'd hear. They played every. Everybody, like everything. And I sort of figured out that I liked the Pretenders a lot more than I like John Lennon. Like that you brought up.

[Stephen Malkmus]

Did you like Van Halen and Aerosmith and like hard rock from that stuff?

[Adam Carolla]

Time I was like. I understood that there were songs by Van Halen I liked, but I didn't like Van Halen per se that much. I just. There was a couple of Aerosmith songs that were like deeper cuts like Rats in the Cellar and Toys in the Attic and stuff like that. But didn't like Walk this Way as much as I like some. Like, I liked everyone's deeper cuts like Ain't Talking About Love or something was like a Van Halen song I liked, but I didn't like all of Van Halen. And I didn't like when they covered songs and. And stuff like that. And I found myself liking more Graham Parker and John High and Elvis Costello

[Stephen Malkmus]

and Joe Jackson, kind of new, wavy, brainy guys. That's good. Yeah, I think that's good. That showed that you were destined for something.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Construction and carpet cleaning. That's what I got into, at least. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah, someone should have listened to one. Hey, he's listening to Elvis Costello. Maybe he shouldn't be a carpet cleaner. Yeah, he's not into REO Speedwagon. Maybe he shouldn't be cleaning carpets. All right, so. Oh, sorry. So we'll. Were those good songs I mentioned?

[Stephen Malkmus]

The ones you mentioned? Yeah. I mean, that's classic canon of, you know, kind of skinny tie bar rock. That's a little bit clever. You know, Pretenders are a big favorite of mine. Of course.

[Adam Carolla]

Their first few albums.

[Stephen Malkmus]

I met Chrissy Hine in the elevator in Stockton, California.

[Adam Carolla]

Did she go to the modeling school or playing a game?

[Stephen Malkmus]

No, no, I just stalked her and, like, got in the elevator. When she got in the elevator at the hotel and I didn't talk, you know, I just, like, sat there like a teenager that shouldn't be in the elevator.

[Adam Carolla]

Their first record or so were like. Were we really grounded?

[Stephen Malkmus]

First ones? Yeah, that dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. That really rock and roll. But then, like, two of them died of heroin. At ease. It sucks.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it sucks. Can it go any other way? But yeah, I saw her perform at the, like, Lord Goodwood's manor in England. And I was like, she did my radio show and she was real nice, and she gave a great answer. I love a great answer. Like when you say to someone like, is it Ed or Edward? And they go, oh, whatever you want. Like, I love those people go, just say it how you want to say it.

[Stephen Malkmus]

Yeah, like me. Like me with my last name.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You know, he's super cool. I said to her, it was funny. I said, rush Limbaugh's theme song is your song. Ohio? Yeah. Going back to Ohio. And I said, doesn't seem like you and Rush Limbaugh sort of would be on the same page politically. And she went like. And I said, well, what about him playing your song? She's like, who cares? He's playing my song. Like, why not? People can hear it, I guess.

[Stephen Malkmus]

Oh, good.

[Adam Carolla]

I kind of feel that way. I feel that way when bands take a real stand whenever somebody, a politician, wants to use their song. I'm sort of like, I don't know. They like your song, man. Maybe I'll sell more records. I don't feel like it's gonna make or break it. But she was like, who cares? I thought she'd be pissy about it and indignant about it. Like, real political about it. She didn't care. So when she played at Lord Goodwood's Palace, I was like, you know what? When this concert's over, I'm going right back through that Duvetyne curtain. I'm say, hi to her.

[Stephen Malkmus]

Were there a lot of Rush Limbaugh fans in the audience?

[Adam Carolla]

All of them? Well, they were just Rush fans. I kept yelling rush, but I think they're talking about another band. So as soon as the thing ended, I walked right through this curtain right there where, like, the makeshift kitchen was. I'm like, I'm going to say hi to Chris Island. And I just saw dust. I just saw Bentley just tear off. Like, she literally walked off the stage. It was probably a Range Rover. She literally, like, the car was backed up and running with the door open. And she just walked off the stage and walked straight through, like, the curtain and right out into the yard and just straight into the car. Like, did not stop and grab a cold one or say hi to anyone. Like, gone before the show.

[Brian Bishop]

She grabs the driver by the lapels. Would you hear me say brass in pocket? Styrofoam.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. It was like the ultimate corporate gig. She was gone.

[Stephen Malkmus]

Yeah, I've heard of people doing that. The band called the Stranglers was famous for doing that. But they were just wanting to get back to the pub, you know, to get in last call or whatever. She wanted that too. You know how they do stop drinking at like 11 for some weird reason in England?

[Adam Carolla]

Do they sing the Man She Loved to Hate or something? Or is that another Strangler?

[Stephen Malkmus]

They had no more heroes Peaches. Very NPC song. Standing on the beaches looking at the peaches.

[Adam Carolla]

The stranglers had an 80s K rock song that I'll figure out.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, the man they Love to Hate.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, they did?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

That was a great song, but not. I don't know, Peaches. I know this song. Play the Man. They Love that. It's kind of an interesting song. All right, hold on. I'll cue that up or get it figured out. I'll tell you about Beachbody on day demand. Wide variety of workouts from the comfort of your own living room 24. 7. Access anywhere, anytime on your computer, web enabled TV, tablet, smartphone, Roku, Apple TV, Chromecast and more. Workout on your own schedule. Some can be as short as 10 minutes. Others don't require any equipment. So it's like you're traveling. You want to get a little workout in. In the hotel room. You got your smartphone with you. Go sick, man. Hundreds of effective workouts for all the fitness levels. Bodybuilding, weight training, cardio, yoga, even dance workouts. What are you doing, Gina?

[Gina Grad]

Grand Piyo and I've been doing a half hour a day and my balance and flexibility is noticeably better.

[Adam Carolla]

There you go. Beachbody on demand. 1 million people currently on beachbody on demand right now. My listeners get a special free trial membership when you text the word Adam to 30, 30, 30, 30. So you get full access free all the workouts, all nutrition information, all the support you need. Totally free. Again, just text the word Adam. The 30, 30, 30 stranglers, man, they love to hate. Sound familiar, Steven?

[Stephen Malkmus]

This is Later Period that I'm familiar with.

[Adam Carolla]

This is 80 81.

[Stephen Malkmus]

They started kind of as a fake punk band in a way. They were like progressive real musos that jumped on the punk punk bandwagon with a keyboardist to kind of sound like Ray Manzarek from the Doors. And slightly woman baiting lyrics and danger rats in the cellar and such.

[Brian Bishop]

It's a cool thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I like this song. So I had this weird education because I'd be listening to K Rock when I was 15 and everyone else I meet is from Minnesota and Wichita. Like huh. We know who X is and we didn't know who the Stranglers are. We don't know any of those bands are Rodney.

[Stephen Malkmus]

Right. On the weekends, Rodney on the road,

[Adam Carolla]

he was playing whatever. But all the jocks were playing whatever they wanted to play whenever they wanted to play. There was no format. Just play whatever they wanted. So that's what you would hear. All right, should we play the. Play the game.

[Producer/Announcer]

It's time for Take that tune the game where we see how long Adam can stand listening to the auto tuned bullshit that some people call music. Now let's see how long Adam can take that tune. Now each round we're gonna play 60 seconds of a Billboard chart topping smash hit. Before the show. Brian, Gina and Steven have guessed how many seconds Adam could last before having to ring the bell and stop the song. Adam does not know their guesses or the song songs. We'll be scoring this like the Rotten Tomatoes game. Adam, please remove your headphones.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Take them off.

[Adam Carolla]

Headphones.

[Producer/Announcer]

Our first song is the current number one Billboard song. It's called God's Plan by drake. Brian said 15 seconds. Gina said 8 seconds. Stephen went the distance with 60 seconds. We're signaling the ace man to throw his cans back on.

[Adam Carolla]

And here comes. Turn it up. Sorry. Go ahead.

[Producer/Announcer]

Here comes the song.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. I don't. I'm done with the I. I was all right with a little auto tune 68 seconds nine years ago. But I can't take the fake non singing anymore. Like I need. I need to hear something that was

[Stephen Malkmus]

singing in this day and age. I don't know what you're talking about.

[Gina Grad]

It's got great.

[Producer/Announcer]

That was God's plan.

[Stephen Malkmus]

That was seriously autotune on like 30% or something. You know, I. To me, that's saying. I think there's a percentage. If you got 70% of real Drake in there, it's singing, but.

[Gina Grad]

Oh God, the new world order.

[Producer/Announcer]

Yeah, that's the current number one, boss.

[Adam Carolla]

That's current number one.

[Producer/Announcer]

Brian said 15 seconds.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me hear a little more of that. Just to see if something. Something. No, it doesn't count. I was already right with the organ thing. Trying to keep it peaceful is a struggle for me. Don't pull up at 6am to cuddle with me. You know how I like it when you loving on me. I don't want to die for them to miss me. I don't think there's anything here that anyone couldn't do if they had a little bit of time.

[Stephen Malkmus]

It's sing song for sure. You know, it's like a nursery rhyme. But, you know, that's a. I mean, I don't know what he's rhyming about again. It's fast for my pea brain.

[Gina Grad]

I love the quote unquote compliments you're giving this song.

[Brian Bishop]

The sing song is fast.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so Drake sucks too.

[Producer/Announcer]

So Brian said 15 seconds, Gina said 8 seconds, Steven said 60 seconds and you lasted 10 seconds.

[Stephen Malkmus]

I think it's a good tune. I'm just gonna stand over here on my island.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, all right.

[Producer/Announcer]

Remove your headphones, please, for round two. This next song, it's current number four song in the Billboard charts. It's Meant to be by BB Rexa.

[Gina Grad]

Okay.

[Producer/Announcer]

And Florida Georgia line. Brian said 60 seconds, Gina said 18 seconds and Stephen guessed 23 seconds. Get the ace man to throw his cans back on. Here's the song.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't mean to be so uptight but my heart's been hurt a couple times By a couple guys that didn't treat me right I ain't going to lie, going to lie Cuz I'm tired of the fake love show me what you made up, boy make me believe Whoa, hold up, girl don't you know you're beautiful? And it's easy to say. All right, I'm feeling, I feel There's D in here. She can sing. You know the guy, the guy just not kind of tuning here. Is a DJ Khaled involved with this or we never know because this is fat guy pointing at the ceiling, but it doesn't come across on the audio.

[Brian Bishop]

We're going the Distance on this.

[Producer/Announcer]

That was meant to be by BB Rexha.

[Brian Bishop]

That's a pleasant song.

[Producer/Announcer]

And Florida Georgia Line. That song is a pile of dog. Brian said 60 seconds. Gina said 18 seconds. Steven guessed 23 seconds. Went the distance 67.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't know that I would love that song. But, Dawson, why do you think it's a horrible song? It's just perfectly pleasant.

[Producer/Announcer]

That's what they call country music today.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, is that country?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah.

[Stephen Malkmus]

It was probably written on an acoustic guitar, so I guess I can see.

[Chuck Negron]

Well, there's white people.

[Stephen Malkmus]

Is that. That makes it a song?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, man.

[Brian Bishop]

The video, maybe.

[Chuck Negron]

I guess.

[Brian Bishop]

60 seconds. I couldn't turn the video off. She's a. She's a delight.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, it's a white chick.

[Brian Bishop]

She's a delight.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, she's very pretty.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll give her that. Good. Now she can either model professionally or just look like one. If she goes to Barber John.

[Producer/Announcer]

There were. God, I think it was NFL promo commercials of Monday Night Football. The new Monday Night Football theme is a remake of the Hank Williams Jr. But this time they added a Florida Georgia line to it. And those are the guys in the backward hats and the braided hair. The white guys.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, and they're.

[Producer/Announcer]

And I'm sure you hated them, as you should.

[Gina Grad]

All my rowdy friends coming over tonight.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

All right.

[Brian Bishop]

They're lame. But this song was fine.

[Adam Carolla]

I like her. Well, now I see the video.

[Chuck Negron]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, I'll take my headphones off.

[Producer/Announcer]

Thank you.

[Brian Bishop]

Poor Dawson.

[Producer/Announcer]

My God, he's pissed. Now you can talk. This next song is number 14 on the Billboard Hot 100. It's called New Ruse, New Rules, Excuse Me by Dua Lipa Brian said 45 seconds. Gina said 41 seconds. Stephen Guest 25 seconds. Seconds.

[Gina Grad]

All right, put them.

[Producer/Announcer]

Throw the cans on, boss. Here comes the song.

[Adam Carolla]

He makes it feel like nobody else Nobody else but my love he doesn't love me so I to myself I to myself. One, don't pick up the phone. You know he's only calling cause he's drunk and alone. Two, don't let him in.

[Gina Grad]

You have to kick him out again. Three, don't be his friend.

[Adam Carolla]

You know you're gonna wake up in his bed in the morning and if you're under him, you ain't getting over him. I got no rules.

[Gina Grad]

I count him.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Nothing wrong with it. Just kind of been there and done that. Like, I just feel when it goes in that little Latin flavor thing, I, like, feel, feel like every third song. It's just that it's also, hey, boy, like, I'm gonna warn you, like, don't let him.

[Gina Grad]

You can't get some of this pretty.

[Adam Carolla]

Pretty effed out material. It's fine. I kind of have it. I kind of put it in the last category, the last song, which is. Nothing wrong with it. I wouldn't listen to it. Not interesting. But I didn't want to go through the whole minute, so I tapped out.

[Producer/Announcer]

Well, it's currently sitting at number 14 at the Hot 100. It's called New New Rules by Dua Lipa. Brian said 45 seconds. Gina said 41 seconds. Stephen guessed 25 seconds. And Ace, you listened for exactly 41 seconds. Gina gets a minus five.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Stephen Malkmus]

That's impressive you made it that far in that one. I have to say, not your.

[Gina Grad]

Not your way.

[Stephen Malkmus]

I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, I gotta be. I gotta be honest. I thought the last group was black. When I found out there were hicks, then I felt there was a cultural problem, and so I overcompensated. That was a little. Little affirmative action there for not want to be too happy.

[Brian Bishop]

You made some reparations with the next one.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you. Thank you.

[Producer/Announcer]

Our next song. Take off the headphones. This one's number two on the Billboard top 100. It's Perfect by Ed Sheeran. Brian said 60 seconds.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, my.

[Producer/Announcer]

Gina said 25 seconds. Stephen said five seconds.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Producer/Announcer]

Cans back on. Here comes the song.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Stephen Malkmus]

Someone waiting for me.

[Adam Carolla]

Cause we were just kids when we

[Stephen Malkmus]

fell in love not knowing what it was. I will not give you up this time, darling, just kiss me slow your heart is.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. Unnecessary. We don't need this song. There's 3,000 songs that have this sort of pace and this sort of piano in the background. And it's long enough. Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

I wonder why you feel that way.

[Adam Carolla]

Sometimes songs shift gears or something happen or some horns kick in or something. And I don't want to be too, too happy, but this was just. We told a nine year old to, say, write a song.

[Brian Bishop]

How many couples do you think are debating right now whether or not to use this song for their first dance of the wedding?

[Gina Grad]

Multiple.

[Brian Bishop]

Thousands. Millions.

[Gina Grad]

Well, anyone who had, like, a high school sweetheart.

[Brian Bishop]

This is made for proms and weddings.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. It's for, you know, we were together.

[Brian Bishop]

Said Sheeran.

[Producer/Announcer]

The song was Perfect by Ed Sheeran. Sitting at number two on the Billboard Hot 100. Brian said 60 seconds. Big fan over there. Gina said 25 seconds. And Steven guessed five seconds. You listened again for exactly 25 seconds.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my God.

[Producer/Announcer]

With another minus five.

[Adam Carolla]

She's a jugs or not can't be stopped. That's funny.

[Gina Grad]

I don't know.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, well, he's saying 60 seconds is not mean. I'm always a fan of the song.

[Gina Grad]

That's true.

[Stephen Malkmus]

You're just playing the game.

[Adam Carolla]

I understand nothing. There is nothing wrong with Ed Sheeran or that song. It's just. It's been done so many. I can find a thousand songs that have that piano in the background.

[Gina Grad]

And it's worked for him, so he keeps going.

[Producer/Announcer]

All right, there are only so many chords and only so many beats per minute

[Stephen Malkmus]

from the wise man.

[Adam Carolla]

There we go.

[Producer/Announcer]

This song is number five on the Billboard top 100. It's Psycho by Post Malone featuring Ty Dolla sign. Brian said 25 seconds. Gina guest nine seconds. And Stephen said 23 seconds. Throw him back on, boss.

[Brian Bishop]

Good about this.

[Producer/Announcer]

Here's a song.

[Gina Grad]

This is going to be great.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, hold on. I'm going to turn my headphones up. Yeah, sorry.

[Chuck Negron]

With all this jewelry on you, my

[Adam Carolla]

roof look like a got damaged by the bo. Don't act like you, my friend. I don't know a lot of too much auto tune. But also, like, look, if you. We're. We're even done rhyming. We're just making sounds at this point. Right.

[Producer/Announcer]

He talked about Tony Homo in there.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, he may have.

[Gina Grad]

Did you give it extra seconds because you're trying to figure out what he was saying.

[Adam Carolla]

I was trying to figure out what he's saying. No, he's gonna, like, kick in. Who is that?

[Producer/Announcer]

That song's number five. It's by Post Malone featuring Ty Dollison Sign. So it's called psycho. Brian said 25 seconds. Gina said nine seconds. Stephen guessed 23 seconds, and you listened for 18 seconds, retaling the final scores.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Stephen Malkmus]

Thing is, you. You missed. He was just about to drop the immortal line about the friend zone. He's still talking about friend zones. That's when I tapped out.

[Brian Bishop]

Still getting friend zoned.

[Stephen Malkmus]

I just, you know, down. I can't dated. I can't take that friend zone.

[Producer/Announcer]

Especially if you're a rapper with a number five song on the Billboard chart.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, I don't imagine he's getting friend zoned very often.

[Producer/Announcer]

Friend zone very much. All right, here are our scores. Surprisingly close, aside from the fact that Steven went the distance on several songs. Stephen coming in third place with 128 points. You're 128 away from Adam's score, leaving Gina and Brian. Gina, it looks like you really needed those two five point deductions. But did they help? Because you got 43 and Brian got 46.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Gina Grad]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

He needed those.

[Gina Grad]

Do I know that ace man or what?

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Producer/Announcer]

That was garbage. I can't believe how long he listened to that dog. Come back next time for more.

[Adam Carolla]

Take that, too. All right, let me tell you about True Car. I got a tip for you, True Car that can help you get used cars with their certified dealer network and nationwide inventory of nearly 1 million used cars. So if you're going new, you're going used. You got to go True Car. Ensure real pricing on actual inventory, simpler buying experience. Maybe that lease is coming up. Maybe things about to head out of warranty. Whatever it is, let's go check out TrueCar. Enjoy a faster buying experience connected with TrueCar certified dealers. And you lock in your price, you get your certificate. The dealers are competing with each other because they want to get the business. They want to win the business. So you go on apples to apples, figure out the car you want new or used. When you're ready to buy, check out True Car and enjoy a more confident car buying experience. Some features not available in all states. All right, quickie break and then right back with the news and Gina Grad. Give me the news with Grad. News with Gina Grad. Breaking, viral. All those crazy Trump tweets. Give me news with Gina Grad. Trouble in the Middle East, Celebrity drunk meltdowns with Gina.

[Brian Bishop]

Gina.

[Producer/Announcer]

The News with Gina Grad.

[Gina Grad]

Well, some Cosby news. We haven't talked about him in a while. Former model Janice Dickinson will testify.

[Adam Carolla]

Model or she just looked like a model. Okay.

[Gina Grad]

No, she was a former mutt. Former supermodel.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's right.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. She's going to testify against Bill Cosby at his sex assault retrial. The judges allowed prosecutors to call five of his accusers to the stand. Cosby's on trial, of course, for drugging and raping Andrea constant in 2004. Prosecutors plan to show that the disgraced comedian has a long history of assaulting women. Dickinson claims Cosby drugged and raped her in 1982. The retrial begins next week.

[Adam Carolla]

I gotta say this, fellas, be careful. I'm gonna tell my son about this.

[Brian Bishop]

Take a knee.

[Adam Carolla]

All hot chicks. Here's the thing. Be careful what you do with the hot chicks when they're on the way up, because they all go insane and get super angry once they hit their 55th birthday and they may be coming back around and they want to tell some stories. Yeah. So be Careful. Be very, very careful.

[Stephen Malkmus]

It's good. You're using this Bill Cosby tragedy to give us some life lessons.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a teachable moment. It's a very teachable moment. That's right. Yeah. She's angry.

[Brian Bishop]

That's the real lesson.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the real lesson.

[Gina Grad]

You gotta protect those poor dudes from.

[Adam Carolla]

You gotta protect these dudes. That's right. You'll end up getting victimized like poor Mr. Cosby over here. All the man did was try to tell a joke. And for that, this he just wanted

[Brian Bishop]

to buy some pudding.

[Adam Carolla]

And here we are, such a society we're living in. Oh, and they're trying to keep the black man down. I think that's gonna be interesting. Another theme that I'll try to work in as well. So don't be black. Stay away from the supermodels. On the way up, come back and get you. Those are my two teachable moments with my son.

[Chuck Negron]

You're welcome.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, Angie. So she's going out there?

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, Janice.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, Janice. Sorry, there isn't.

[Gina Grad]

Angie Dickens.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Why? Yeah, a policewoman. By the way, could there be a less artistic name for television programs? What should we call this show? What do we got here? She's a woman. Yeah. What'd she do? She works for the police.

[Gina Grad]

Hold on.

[Brian Bishop]

I got it.

[Adam Carolla]

Eureka. You know how I named the toaster oven some years back?

[Brian Bishop]

The thing that. The oven. The toasts.

[Adam Carolla]

Toaster Oven.

[Stephen Malkmus]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

We're gonna call this show Policewoman did it again.

[Brian Bishop]

Bert.

[Adam Carolla]

Thanks.

[Stephen Malkmus]

The thing is, it was probably incredibly novel. It was so novel that they had to, you know, we're gonna actually have a woman leading a show.

[Brian Bishop]

And Steven, she's on your point.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, you're right. No, because you could name. You could name your cop. You know, you could name your detective movie, like Banachek or something, because we know, oh, he was Detective Banachek or whatever. But you couldn't.

[Stephen Malkmus]

There's no name you could give for a female policeman that would tell you what she was. I don't think. Or can you think of one?

[Adam Carolla]

Cheryl Ann? No, you're right. It doesn't work. It just doesn't work. You have to put the title in there.

[Gina Grad]

Is that the state issued police uniform

[Adam Carolla]

or is wearing a slinky little number Bob Fosse gown?

[Stephen Malkmus]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Was it Bob Faun?

[Stephen Malkmus]

Definitely

[Adam Carolla]

a Bob Mackie choreographer Bob Mackie gown. That's what I want to say.

[Gina Grad]

Honest and brutal. Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Policewoman. Yeah. All right, all right. Anyway, she's going to the trial.

[Gina Grad]

Oh, yes, Janice Dickinson.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, Andrew Dickinson. Now, wait a minute. What? Is the statute of limitations run out? Why can't she press charges? Wrong state.

[Gina Grad]

No, I think from when all this hoopla was going on, I think it is a statute of limitations. But this is not for her. This is on behalf of Andrea Constance.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I know, but why isn't she violent?

[Gina Grad]

I think that's why. I mean, this was from 1982. Janice Dickinson's from 1982. I can't imagine that. That's still.

[Stephen Malkmus]

I think you can do like class action suits or something. Not in the proper penal system. Right? Yeah, you can always.

[Gina Grad]

35 years.

[Stephen Malkmus]

You can always like sue or something, but not.

[Gina Grad]

I don't think you can.

[Adam Carolla]

But she says she was in jail for it and raped by him.

[Gina Grad]

Janice?

[Chuck Negron]

Yeah.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

What about Angie?

[Gina Grad]

Janice? Angie was not a part of this, but yeah. So she was drugged and raped by Cosby in 1982.

[Adam Carolla]

She should go.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. So she's gonna go down there. The NFL's LA Rams made history by adding two male cheerleaders to its Spirit squad. The team announced the groundbreaking decision to add Quentin Perrin and Napoleon Jean to the squad, making them the first male cheerleaders in the NFL. They're going to perform the same routines as the ladies. Other teams like the Baltimore Ravens and the Colts have men who perform stunts with the cheerleaders, but they don't dance.

[Brian Bishop]

Every college in America.

[Gina Grad]

Both men are classically trained dancers and made the team after a grueling three week audition process.

[Adam Carolla]

Hmm.

[Stephen Malkmus]

Three weeks. They should make a reality show. But about those three weeks.

[Adam Carolla]

I would watch that.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, that's probably in the camera.

[Adam Carolla]

We just won't stop. We won't stop until everything that formerly existed is undone.

[Brian Bishop]

You want to make this tea? Hey, where you going?

[Adam Carolla]

Get back here. Get back here. All right. Well, that'll be interesting.

[Gina Grad]

That'll be fun.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And the important thing is, when I go to the game with my son, he'll know one day. He could be. It's possible.

[Brian Bishop]

Before he looked at the girls.

[Adam Carolla]

Why not me right now? He'll know.

[Gina Grad]

Curious what you think of this. The Brighton Bay School District in Denver, Colorado has announced that starting in August, the district is moving to a four day school week with no school on Mondays. According to Superintendent Chris Fiedler, the decision was made in part in an effort to entice quality teachers to the district and encourage them to stay. Additionally, the district has been struggling with limited financial resources and the change to a four day school week could save Them around. Around a million dollars in busing and utility costs. Four day work, school week.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm a broken record with this stuff. My kids are in the middle. They're like, they get their week off for. For Easter and then it's like, oh, and Friday is half day. Like, oh, and then we'll come back on Tuesday. Like, we don't come.

[Gina Grad]

It's like they already have a four day.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a perfect storm of. Does anyone in this facility want to be here? Can kids? No. Adults? No. All right, how do we work out the part where we get paid but we don't really come here? I got it. How about three months off every summer? Yeah, yeah. No, we're way ahead about. How about we celebrate every holiday and tons of half days and tons of like student free days or whatever. So many days. I swear to God, they're down to a hundred days a year. Like, if you included weekends. I work every other weekend, pretty much go out, do a show or whatever. I work five days a week. I'm not a hero. That's up for you to decide, but I think I must work 300 days out of the year or315,320 out of the year. I think when you. By the time the dust settles on all the half days, all the holidays, all the stuff you don't take off, the president days and all that jazz and all the summer and everything else, and if you factor in just number of days in a year and number of days you have to go into work, they're banging up against the rev limiter of like double digits. Like they're like 99 at this point. Of course. Why would. They don't want to work. I don't want to work. Nobody wants to work. But it's perfect because their clientele doesn't want them to work either.

[Stephen Malkmus]

Yeah, I mean, school is daycare, you know, glorified daycare for us who are working, working at this point. And unfortunately, with just taxes being rung out of these places, nobody to pay for the teachers. I mean, I understand why the last couple sentences that they said. That's obviously part of the problem too, besides being slackadaisical and not wanting to go. For us parents, I agree. It's a drag because we have to work and then we're left hunting for. Or nannies or something for them to do during those days.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, going out nanny hunting. Ted Nugent. That's a reality show. I'd watch nanny hunting with Ted Nugent.

[Stephen Malkmus]

It's tough.

[Adam Carolla]

You gotta. HE YELLS Mount up.

[Brian Bishop]

That's the last Stormy Daniels, New Moon.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right, Nanny Hunter. Yeah, I would. I'm fine with four days. But I'll tell you, I'll make a trade with the teachers, the teachers unions and all the power supply be. If you assholes would knock off this goddamn homework. I'll trade you the day because the amount of goddamn conversations I have to have at my house with Natalia. You have 13 missing homework assignments and then an argument and then a rifling through of your backpack and then holding up a crumpled piece of paper, the date on it from like 4. What is this then? What is this then? It's like, listen, they go to school, they sit there for eight goddamn miserable hours and then let them please go home so we don't have to get divorced over. Where is all the. And then there's the look at me. You don't care. You don't care about so you're right, I don't care. I don't care. Well, your kids are going to get let. What is the homework. We're done. They're fucking 11. They go there for eight hours and now they're done. Let them go home.

[Stephen Malkmus]

You moved to Port Portland. Were post homework there pretty much, you know, at least until high school.

[Gina Grad]

All right.

[Stephen Malkmus]

They pretty much realize. They agree with you. You're right about something.

[Adam Carolla]

It doesn't work. What about the stranglers?

[Stephen Malkmus]

That too.

[Adam Carolla]

They've done studies. It doesn't help the kids and it creates a larger gap between the folks, the haves and the have nots. Because I got some money and I got a nanny and they can do their homework and whatever, but the parents or the single mom or the working double shifts or working overnight as a nurs, who's going to do the homework with them? It's such. It's. You're going to find out about this, Brian. It's such a pain in the ass. Like, and it's so many needless arguments over I don't know what. You have eight hours, get it done. And then their homework will be throwing the ball around or in the garage with daddy or sniffing glue, whatever. They're done.

[Gina Grad]

They're off the clock.

[Adam Carolla]

They're off the clock. They're nine years old. Leave them alone.

[Stephen Malkmus]

Yeah, it's again, it's like just a lot of doing well in school is following rules. And that's another hoop that you jump through to prove that you have capital, human capital.

[Adam Carolla]

Sorry, sorry, I'm angry. It's super intrusive because you have. Because here's the whole thing. Kids don't want to do homework. They tend to lie about it, like, oh, we don't have any today, or it's not due till Friday. And then there's a, a whole big unraveling. And what's. Wait, you said not due till. No, I said we didn't have any today. I didn't say we didn't have any. Then you got to call the other one in. Then it's good cop, bad cop. Wait a minute. Do we have homework or not? Then it's, I'm sending an email to Mrs. Sontag. I'm gonna find out like, or we could just be at home.

[Brian Bishop]

This work ruined my life from age, you know, 12 to 10 to 13.

[Adam Carolla]

It didn't have any effect on mine because I didn't never did it and then just got horrible. Gray. But it's stupid to grade the kids after they get home. Like, let them go home. And also they've studied this. There's so much better to go for a walk with your kids or strum the guitar with them or anything. But homework is better for the kids. So now that we know this, let's implement it.

[Stephen Malkmus]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you.

[Stephen Malkmus]

Agreed. All right.

[Gina Grad]

Well, I don't know if you saw these super gross pictures, but a sewage pipe burst near the third baseline at Dodgers Stadium Tuesday night.

[Brian Bishop]

Not a good sign for the season.

[Gina Grad]

It flooded the first couple of races Rose. It also spilled out onto the field and forced league officials to cancel the final innings of the Dodgers last preseason game against the Angels.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh boy, that'll be missed.

[Gina Grad]

Well, they don't worry. They, they. They scored it up because the losing team had at least five chances to bat the final score and stats will be counted as an official game, giving the Dodgers a 4 to 3 win. The plumbing problem.

[Brian Bishop]

It's not an official game. It's preseason. So it's. It's ultimately nothing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Here's a dead baseball. Is. Is today opening?

[Brian Bishop]

It is.

[Gina Grad]

Yes.

[Stephen Malkmus]

Today's opening day.

[Adam Carolla]

Opening day.

[Stephen Malkmus]

Spa lives.

[Adam Carolla]

Two conversations with my 11 year old son today. One is NFL's thinking about getting rid of the kickoff.

[Brian Bishop]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Other is Odell Beckham is possibly going to be traded and cheerleader for the Rams. And it looks like. It looks like Richard Sherman is going to the Niners.

[Brian Bishop]

He's already there.

[Adam Carolla]

That was the discussion I had with my son today on opening day of baseball. That's how dead baseball is.

[Stephen Malkmus]

You're not a baseball family. I understand that now. Huh?

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Stephen Malkmus]

Do you like the LA Rams? Are you guys like, now that they have dude cheerleaders.

[Producer/Announcer]

Yes.

[Stephen Malkmus]

Do you go to games?

[Adam Carolla]

They gave me a couple of, like, end zone corral passes or something and I went down there now, so. Yes. The problem with the Coliseum is it's so third world down there. It's just. It's insane. Like, parking is 50 and everyone's just hawking their goods and services, like, on the streets and selling hot dogs. And it's like. It's a crazy. It's a crazy bizarre. And it's sort of depressing to me. I would tend to rather go to. I don't know, go see a game in Seattle or something.

[Brian Bishop]

Right. It's not nearly gentrified enough for your taste.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. I need more royal people.

[Stephen Malkmus]

Oh. You know, if you're a Buffalo fan, it could be worse. It could be a Buffalo fan outside of Buffalo Stadium.

[Brian Bishop]

True.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

See, I.

[Stephen Malkmus]

Well, freaky stuff happens. Stuff that you might talk about on here.

[Adam Carolla]

I could get check out of Bill's game.

[Brian Bishop]

Buffalo fans are known for their eccentricity, the rowdiness. I would say.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. All right, so I will go to a Rams game, but mostly just for the boy.

[Brian Bishop]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

I would say nice of you. Yes.

[Gina Grad]

Well, Jared Fogle is asking President Trump to get him out of jail. The former Subway pitchman.

[Producer/Announcer]

Hold on.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm done defending Cosby. I'm moving to Fogle. That man is a hero. He served his debt to society.

[Brian Bishop]

He sold a lot of heroes.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. It's high time that guy got out and got himself another spokesperson gig.

[Stephen Malkmus]

He's the OG Jared, you know, Kushner. That's nothing on him.

[Gina Grad]

That's true.

[Stephen Malkmus]

When I think of Jared, I do think of him. Maybe it's my generation. I do think of Subway Jared.

[Adam Carolla]

Jared from Subway is very famous. What if they added him to the two guys from Sonic? Like he just popped up in the backseat.

[Gina Grad]

What are we talking about?

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Greatest campaign ever. They're halfway into their discussion about a thing, and at a certain point, Jared pops up and he adds to it. And then right at the end, an 8 year old kid's head pops up and goes, where am I? And then they go black. They go the next spot. Right, right there.

[Brian Bishop]

Who are you, mister?

[Adam Carolla]

The Internet would blow up. Right?

[Brian Bishop]

We really would pick quite a statement.

[Adam Carolla]

Look, and Sonic would move some.

[Brian Bishop]

Some.

[Adam Carolla]

Some product.

[Brian Bishop]

They get attention.

[Adam Carolla]

They get some attention.

[Brian Bishop]

A lot more followers on Twitter.

[Adam Carolla]

Yep.

[Gina Grad]

So here's the deal. In case you forgot the Sonic.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I say this? Not impressed with Tater Tots. I know that's. I know it's. Yeah, I know. It's flying. It's flying in the face of my hash brown. I realize how inconsistent I am in my #brown vs. Tater tot discussion. Not a tater tot guy.

[Gina Grad]

I don't understand.

[Brian Bishop]

I'd rather smell for this.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. I'd rather have some chili fries than a tater tot.

[Brian Bishop]

So similar to Hashgraph.

[Gina Grad]

Crispy and deep fried.

[Adam Carolla]

And I feel like the people who serve tater tots are in love with themselves. Oh, look. Yeah, like they're being. It's like when you see that rockabilly guy who's driving an old Mercury and you're like, oh, come on, douche.

[Chuck Negron]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You're just doing this. You're just doing. You're making some kind of, like, ironic statement here. You're not really into this.

[Gina Grad]

And there are multiple restaurants in LA where you can order off the menu. The secret menu. It's like Cheesy tots, and you have to know the password.

[Adam Carolla]

Cool hipster food.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, I'll eat it. Maybe that's my prom.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah. So if you don't remember, he's in his third year of a 15 year sentence for his child pornography fetish and sex with underage girls. He recently sent.

[Stephen Malkmus]

Didn't know that. Sorry, didn't know that before when I was saying, like, Jared's eye. Oh, yeah, you're on record.

[Brian Bishop]

It really colors your opinion.

[Gina Grad]

He recently sent a. Oh, I didn't

[Adam Carolla]

know it either when I was talking about it my whole sonic campaign.

[Gina Grad]

He recently sent a written request directly to Trump to ask for a reduction in his sentence. Fogo maintains he's been unlawfully incarcerated and his constitutional rights have been violated. He accused federal prosecutors of tinkering with charges to, quote, create a crime. Also, he blamed his own attorneys of forcing him to plead guilty.

[Adam Carolla]

So I feel like Trump should just pardon him and make him give him a cabinet appointment. Oh, yeah, yeah. This guy's in charge of HUD or FEMA or something.

[Brian Bishop]

Veterans Affairs.

[Adam Carolla]

Why not watch it? Just don't. Just to watch, like, Rachel Mattow's head explode like a Popeye cartoon or something. It'd be funny. Look, we're living in this. We're living in this kind of performance art. We've crossed over into just performance art. Like, it's no longer society or politicians. So give him a full pardon and make him part of the Cabinet or something.

[Brian Bishop]

If Trump does get impeached and it goes that direction where he's on his way out. He should just let everybody out.

[Adam Carolla]

Scores.

[Brian Bishop]

Earth Campaign Folio. You're out. You're out of prison. You're with me.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's right.

[Gina Grad]

Right off in the sunset. Well, a scientist from Washington University believes we will have the technology to read minds by 2038, according to the Daily Mail. Dr. Eric Lothart says he's confident that in around 20 years. Here's how we're going to do it. Humans will be able to get brain transplants that connect the brains to the Internet, allowing them to share information with others.

[Adam Carolla]

I feel about, like, reading minds. I kind of feel like. Like anal sex, which is.

[Brian Bishop]

Go on.

[Adam Carolla]

Not interested on being on either end of it. You know what I mean? Like, I.

[Brian Bishop]

If it came down to it, much more interesting one side than the other,

[Adam Carolla]

I would say cases. But I'm not interested. I don't want to know what you think of me. I'm scared. And I certainly don't want you to know what I'm thinking right now. Like, I. This thing of, like, I would love to read, but I don't want people I don't know. I don't want to know what other people are thinking. Look at Stephen over there. He's not thinking anything good. Yeah.

[Stephen Malkmus]

Well, you're reading someone's journal. Do you. When? If you see. If. If you see a journal, a private diary lying around, is it your goal just to, like, get in? If you see, like, scrolling, scrawled. Scrawled lines, hundreds, thousands of them. Do you want to get in there? Really? On the random person? I don't think so. It's just. You kind of just keep it shut.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm with you. Yeah. Unless you're in the band Bread and you can write a really killer song about it right then. No, absolutely not. Again.

[Stephen Malkmus]

Yeah, but that's probably.

[Adam Carolla]

Unless you're one of the four members of Bread.

[Stephen Malkmus]

Real diaries are just messy, you know, just. I think they're just venting.

[Gina Grad]

They didn't mean it anyway. Way.

[Stephen Malkmus]

Yeah, yeah, but that's the Bread Diaries.

[Adam Carolla]

We already photoshopped Jared back there. Yes.

[Gina Grad]

You're a genius.

[Brian Bishop]

Please make a little boy pop up next. No, no, no, don't do that.

[Stephen Malkmus]

Is that Sonic? Sonic? That's a kind of popular ad. Like, y' all know it.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah, it's very rampant down here.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Stephen Malkmus]

That is disson.

[Adam Carolla]

Sonic is weird because they didn't have

[Stephen Malkmus]

sonic in the 80s and 70s in California. It was in, like, New Mexico was the first time I had it. But Midwest City, Illinois, there's Certain places

[Adam Carolla]

that run, like In n out runs, like one commercial for every 80 franchises they have in the SoCal area. And then Sonic runs 80 commercials for every one Sonic locale there. It's like there's a weird ratio. There's a lot of I drive down the freeway, I will pass an in and out sign every four miles. Sonic, I rarely see, but I see tons of commercials.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, Chick Fil a used to be big in commercials out here before they ever came out here. And I was like, what is this Chick Fil a? Should I find a Chick Fil a? Can I find?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you should just be in Phoenix or Arizona or something. Power move. By the way, Jimmy's cousin Sal's 40th birthday was at my house. 30th birthday. What was that? Anyway, Jimmy not only sent out to Chick Fil a, this is a rich guy power move. He wanted Chick Fil a for the party. They're only in Arizona. Like, sent somebody on a run to Arizona and got Rowdy Roddy Piper to show up to the event. I don't know if he had the Chick Fil a, but the Chick Fil a and Rowdy Roddy both at the gig. That's how you celebrate when you've arrived.

[Brian Bishop]

Nothing's out of reach.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll tell you when you know you've arrived. Geico, man, everyone's got the to do list. Go to Arizona, grab a little Chick Fil a, Go get Rowdy. Rowdy Piper. How about you add this. Save hundreds of dollars in car insurance. You don't have to go anywhere. You just go to geico.com 15minutes. You could be saving 15% or more on your auto insurance. Take that extra money and put it in your pocket. Geico.com 15 minutes could be saving 15% or more on your auto insurance. Geico. All right, let's do one more. Gina Grant.

[Gina Grad]

Well, according to new Google survey, about 20% of brides are choosing to keep their maiden names after marriage. Reasons change range from career to convenience to wanting to maintain their identity and sense of self. And I think we did a little poll around the studio. Chris, you have those numbers?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, the bridesmaid. There's email addresses and stuff now, like

[Brian Bishop]

your has her maiden email address, but that's obviously, you know, years of emails and stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I just feel like there's more. There's more groundwork laid now with the usage of your name and like I said, logins and passwords and stuff like that. Like, there's just more out there. Where in the past. You know, you're just 22. You lived in Missouri, you got married like there wasn't any. Wasn't really much to do. Yeah. Look at much bigger. Have a much bigger footprint now, even if you. If it's digital. Yes. Max Pattik.

[Brian Bishop]

So Gary's getting married and his wife is taking his last name.

[Stephen Malkmus]

Smith.

[Adam Carolla]

Dylan is getting married and his future

[Brian Bishop]

wife is taking his last name. And then Matt, his wife took his last name as well. Three for three.

[Gina Grad]

You know what you don't see a lot though?

[Stephen Malkmus]

My wife kept her name, but she's got her own A, she's got a cool last name. My name kind of sucks. B, she was established like you say. I personally think. I'm just going to interrupt. I would not. If I was a woman, I would just keep my own name. Unless my name was.

[Brian Bishop]

I didn't like it say the trading up or down of names because some bad names.

[Stephen Malkmus]

Some last names about like my friend in the band. His last. His wife's last name is Bowser. And so she didn't want to be

[Adam Carolla]

Robin Bowser anymore, you know, unless she was in Shannon.

[Stephen Malkmus]

My wife's related to him, actually. Oh my God.

[Adam Carolla]

Bowser.

[Stephen Malkmus]

Yeah. Random.

[Adam Carolla]

That's why I said it second. Or I did my homework. Wait till the end of the interview before I dig deep into the.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah. Draw a few gems all throughout the interview.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait a minute. Okay. What is your wife's last name?

[Stephen Malkmus]

Hutchins.

[Adam Carolla]

And she. She was. Had an established career.

[Stephen Malkmus]

She's an artist. And anyway, she wouldn't want to kind of join like commit to the patriarchy or whatever like that too, you know, so she's not into that. But obviously that's not an issue here.

[Producer/Announcer]

So.

[Stephen Malkmus]

Yeah, she want to keep her own name.

[Adam Carolla]

And if you're. Well, if you're an artist, you have to keep. I say you got to keep. Keep that going. But also I'm sort of with Brian, which is. Some names roll off the tongue a little better. Sometimes you can combine the first with the second.

[Stephen Malkmus]

I like the hyphen thing can sound really cool. Well, you know, you don't see a

[Gina Grad]

lot of hyphenated right now. I don't.

[Stephen Malkmus]

No.

[Brian Bishop]

And sometimes the name Trading up my wife went from her last name was C L, O, U, G H. I

[Gina Grad]

still don't know how to pronounce.

[Brian Bishop]

It's Mrs. Clouds there. CLOUGH is how you pronounce it. It's a Scottish name. You would know that if you were. You're from Scotland or Ireland or something like that. But trading from Clough to Bishop was a much easier, at least transitional for, you know, spelling, pronouncing, all that stuff.

[Gina Grad]

Well, that's why I haven't been married, because I like my last names. I just want to avoid the whole thing.

[Brian Bishop]

So you gotta meet a Smith or you're out.

[Adam Carolla]

I knew I was aware of a guy who took the last name of the woman.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

At least the kid took the kid. Was that. Oh, and then there's a thing where there's a little Hispanic thing, I don't

[Brian Bishop]

know, like, taking his name.

[Adam Carolla]

I thought, like Corolla or Corolla. Also, there's an element too. Like, I think, depends. Like, I think my sisters hung on a little Corolla because I got a little Corolla juice going. There's an element. I'm not saying that, but I'm saying, saying if you're a step removed from a name that's semi recognizable might help you get a dinner reservation or something. Nothing nefarious about it.

[Gina Grad]

Smart. Strategic.

[Adam Carolla]

Smart. Yeah. Nicolas Cage is a Coppola.

[Gina Grad]

He is Talia Shire.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, yeah. So that's a guy who went. I got acting chops. And I'm going, I don't want any help from Uncle. Uncle Coble. Frank, Right.

[Gina Grad]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Stephen Malkmus]

His name sounds cool, though. Nick Cage. I mean, pretty badass. And he's a good actor. You know, he's done some. A lot of weird stuff, hasn't he?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Eccentric.

[Adam Carolla]

But Ghost Rider still awesome. I can't think of any other movies but Ghost Rider, Face off are awesome.

[Gina Grad]

Do you remember Peggy Sue Got Married? I love that movie. But he was super annoying.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Stephen Malkmus]

Wasn't he in Rumble Fish Even did

[Brian Bishop]

he start them young Nick Cage.

[Chuck Negron]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I think everyone started. I think I may have got my start in Rumble Fish.

[Brian Bishop]

Check the credits.

[Adam Carolla]

I've reviewed it a few times. I haven't seen myself, but I'm pretty sure I still. I got my start there might be in there.

[Stephen Malkmus]

It's black and white. It's hard to tell.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm in there somewhere. I think I'm a Soch.

[Gina Grad]

Wait, what?

[Adam Carolla]

I was wearing a poodle skirt and saddle shoes. Oh, wow.

[Stephen Malkmus]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Drinking a knee high.

[Gina Grad]

The malt shop scene.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. My hair was different.

[Gina Grad]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you'll recognize that sitting there with the guys from Sonic having some tater tots. Young Gerald Foster and egg drink at that point. All right, we bringing it home?

[Gina Grad]

We're bringing it home. I'm Gina Grad and that's the news.

[Adam Carolla]

Gina. Gina.

[Producer/Announcer]

That was the News with Gina Grad.

[Adam Carolla]

Ah, here's something I can get behind. Buffalo Wild Wings. It's that time again. Picking between baseball and hockey. I got a solution. Buffalo Wild Wings. How about you can go there and watch all the hockey, all the baseball, all the sports you want. You don't have to choose. I got multiple screens and you got a neck, so you are fine. Plus all the one guy listening without a neck. What about me?

[Gina Grad]

To whom it may concern.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I'm thinking of. Oh, God, A guy popped in my head.

[Brian Bishop]

Hey, Timmy, look up here.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't do that. America's favorite wings. 21 signature sauces and seasonings. Shareable favorites like cheddar cheese curds and fried pickles. I'm getting some curds, man. I'm going to Madison soon. I'm going Kurds all the way. Huge variety of beers. I don't have to leave town to enjoy beer. All the basketball, all the hockey, all the foods. Baseball, opening day baseball, hockey, basketball, all there no reason to choose. Just go watch it all. Buffalo Wild Wings, wings, beer, sports. Please drink responsibly. All right, let's see. I told you where I and we sometimes were going to be. Be Stephen Malms.

[Stephen Malkmus]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

Say it fast. Sparkle hard. Available. Available May 18th on Matador Records.

[Brian Bishop]

And

[Adam Carolla]

where again? Chicago. Coming up. I'm gonna work on that. Out.

[Stephen Malkmus]

Kind of wish I was playing where you're playing sometimes.

[Adam Carolla]

Pittsburgh.

[Stephen Malkmus]

Well, let's see, you know, the E. Sports Arena. That sounds good. That sounds big.

[Brian Bishop]

Come on out.

[Stephen Malkmus]

I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

Not very big, but you can come on out.

[Brian Bishop]

Come out, man.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Royal Oak's pretty cool theater. It's a cool. And Madison too. I don't play there. I don't think Capitol theater. All right, so what people can do is they can go and find out about the North American tour dates and tickets at Stephen. M A L K M U S. Amazon.

[Stephen Malkmus]

Mary. I always have to say that. Amazon. Emma's in Mary. Emma's in Mary.

[Adam Carolla]

Emma's in Mary.

[Stephen Malkmus]

I'm so tired of it.

[Brian Bishop]

We broke Stephen.

[Adam Carolla]

So until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Stephen Malkmas. Amazon Mary Malkins and Gina Grad and Ball. Brian. Sam. Mahala,

[Producer/Announcer]

you're super pretty for a Jew. Follow the Adam Carolla show on Twitter at Adam Carolla show.

[Brian Bishop]

All right, that was Adam Crawl Show 2292.

[Adam Carolla]

That does it for this weekend's Crawl classics.

[Chuck Negron]

Make sure to tune next weekend for

[Brian Bishop]

three all new installments. Until then, mahalo and get it on.

[Gina Grad]

Pluto TV has thousands of free movies and TV shows.

[Adam Carolla]

We're coming at you with everything we got. This is the mindset free. This is the mantra free. This is

[Gina Grad]

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[Adam Carolla]

We're coming at you with everything we got. This is the mindset free. This is the mantra free. This is the

[Gina Grad]

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