Comedian Ben Gleib

Summary

Adam Carolla Show with Comedian Ben Gleib – Detailed Summary

Release Date: December 18, 2024

Hosts: Adam Carolla, Ben Gleib, and Mayhem Miller

---

1. Introduction

In this episode of The Adam Carolla Show, host Adam Carolla is joined by comedian Ben Gleib. The duo delves into a range of topics, blending sharp humor with candid insights on everyday frustrations, societal issues, and personal anecdotes with celebrities.

---

2. The Quest for Uniformity in Everyday Products

Uniformity in Hotel Amenities

Adam and Ben kick off the conversation by lamenting the lack of uniformity in hotel shower valves and other amenities. Adam expresses his frustration with the inconsistent designs:

• Adam Carolla (05:11): "I wish every valve and every shower of every hotel I've ever went to was the same valve."

Discussion Points:

• Difficulty in using different shower controls leads to uncomfortable experiences for travelers.
• Variations in gas station measurements and services add to consumer confusion.

Notable Quote:

• Ben Gleib (06:00): "Almost every hotel shower these days, they're designed by complete morons."

---

3. Challenges in the Service Industry

Inconsistent Martini Preparations

The conversation shifts to the art of making martinis, highlighting the inconsistency in pours and customer experience across different establishments.

Key Insights:

• Bartenders often serve martinis inconsistently, leading to customer dissatisfaction.
• The lack of standardization affects both the quality and pricing of cocktails.

Notable Quotes:

• Adam Carolla (17:29): "Why the crapshoot and martinis?"
• Ben Gleib (23:02): "They just keep them there, I think."

Martini Pricing and Quality:

• Discussion around the cost of martinis versus the actual amount of alcohol served.
• The frustration of receiving a half-empty glass despite high pricing.

---

4. Societal Issues and Policies

School Shootings and Metal Detectors

A significant portion of the episode addresses the topic of school shootings and the debate over implementing metal detectors in schools. The hosts critique the responses from authorities and the broader implications for public safety.

Key Points:

• Criticism of police chiefs and officials who downplay the need for metal detectors.
• The paradox of schools being labeled as "safe spaces" while lacking necessary security measures.

Notable Quotes:

• Adam Carolla (28:32): "Shutters shouldn't have to have metal detectors because they're safe spaces."
• Ben Gleib (29:28): "Which would you rather, by the way?"

Leaf Blowers and Urban Infrastructure

The discussion also touches on urban infrastructure issues, specifically the use of leaf blowers and their impact on pollution and noise levels.

Notable Quotes:

• Adam Carolla (40:35): "Hell yeah. It pollutes more than a full-size pickup truck in a year."
• Ben Gleib (40:50): "They're how black people build buildings... They're blowing dust everywhere."

---

5. Celebrity Anecdotes and Personal Stories

Meeting Celebrities

Ben shares personal experiences attending high-profile events and interacting with celebrities like Kevin Costner and Kristin Cavallari. These anecdotes offer a glimpse into the challenges of networking and the often unreciprocated nature of such interactions.

Notable Quotes:

• Ben Gleib (71:04): "I think it's Yellowstone star Kevin Costner and admits he's her forever crush."
• Adam Carolla (73:04): "But I don't know if they approved it or we just... we just did it."

Mock Sketch: Zamboni and Jacuzzi

The hosts engage in a humorous sketch featuring fictional characters Zamboni and Jacuzzi, blending absurdity with satire to comment on societal norms and expectations.

Notable Quotes:

• Adam Carolla (65:31): "The Fonduzi filled with melted cheese. Yeah. That'd be the hit of every party."
• Ben Gleib (66:14): "That's the dream job, Adam."

---

6. Language and Sensitivity in Terminology

Derogatory Terms and Their Impact

A segment of the show addresses the use of derogatory language, specifically the terms "retarded" and "Down syndrome." The hosts debate the appropriateness and historical context of these terms, emphasizing the importance of respectful language.

Notable Quotes:

• Ben Gleib (55:23): "They should just stop using that term for themselves instead of making us not get to use the term for the fun stuff."
• Adam Carolla (56:09): "You just hold this thing up and they dial in the white whatever."

Discussion Points:

• The origins of "Down syndrome" and the implications of naming conditions after individuals.
• The challenges in rebranding or renaming medical conditions to reduce stigma.

---

7. Current Events and News Commentary

Recent School Shooting Incident

The hosts comment on a recent school shooting, critiquing the responses from officials and the media's portrayal of the event. They highlight the inadequacies in policy discussions and the perpetuation of race-related narratives in such tragedies.

Notable Quotes:

• Adam Carolla (32:54): "The school's a safe zone where sometimes people get shot."
• Ben Gleib (33:27): "Everything should be the same, regardless of."

Netflix's Parental Leave Policy

A brief news segment discusses Netflix's revision of its parental leave policy, following employees taking extended time off. The hosts express skepticism about corporate policies and their real-world applications.

Notable Quotes:

• Ben Gleib (88:44): "Just make the rule more specific."
• Adam Carolla (89:22): "And you have a national coupon, causes you own magazine."

---

8. Promotional Segments and Advertisements

Note: Advertisements and promotional content have been omitted from this summary as per user instructions.

---

9. Conclusion

Throughout the episode, Adam Carolla and Ben Gleib navigate a blend of humor and serious commentary, addressing both personal annoyances and larger societal issues. Their candid discussions, punctuated by memorable quotes and sharp insights, provide listeners with an engaging and thought-provoking experience.

---

Selected Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Adam Carolla (05:11): "I wish every valve and every shower of every hotel I've ever went to was the same valve."
• Ben Gleib (06:00): "Almost every hotel shower these days, they're designed by complete morons."
• Adam Carolla (17:29): "Why the crapshoot and martinis?"
• Ben Gleib (23:02): "They just keep them there, I think."
• Adam Carolla (28:32): "Shutters shouldn't have to have metal detectors because they're safe spaces."
• Ben Gleib (40:35): "Hell yeah. It pollutes more than a full-size pickup truck in a year."
• Ben Gleib (71:04): "I think it's Yellowstone star Kevin Costner and admits he's her forever crush."
• Adam Carolla (65:31): "The Fonduzi filled with melted cheese. Yeah. That'd be the hit of every party."
• Ben Gleib (55:23): "They should just stop using that term for themselves instead of making us not get to use the term for the fun stuff."
• Adam Carolla (32:54): "The school's a safe zone where sometimes people get shot."

---

This summary encapsulates the essence of the episode, providing a comprehensive overview for those who haven't listened while highlighting key discussions and impactful moments.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

US Cellular gifting is hard, but here's a hint. Give the gift of connection from US Cellular. Not sure what that means. Well, here's a slightly more specific hint. You can choose four free phones and get four lines for $90 a month from US Cellular. Your family wants new phones? How do we know? Well, they told us using their own old phone we could barely hear. The good news is that compared to wrapping presents, you're great at getting hints. So take the hint and get them four free phones and four lines for $90 a month only with US Cellular. US Cellular built for us.

[Ben Glebe]

Oh, oh, oh.

[Adam Carolla]

O'REILLY check engine light on. Take the guesswork out of your check engine light with O'Reilly. It's free and provides a report with solutions based on over 650 million vehicle scans verified by ASE certified master technicians. And if you need help, we can recommend a shop for you. Ask for O'Reilly Veriscan today.

[Ben Glebe]

O'Reilly Auto Parts.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, comedian Ben Glebe is back in studio to roll along with the comedy. Mayhem's doing the news and we'll do all that right after this.

[Mayhem Miller]

Did you know you can watch all your favorite crime shows for free on Pluto tv?

[Adam Carolla]

Totally free.

[Mayhem Miller]

Totally free. They've got csi, New York, ncis, Criminal Minds, Blue Bloods Tracker, FBI, swat, all for free.

[Adam Carolla]

There's something suspicious going on here.

[Mayhem Miller]

Nothing suspicious, just hundreds of free crime shows on Pluto tv. Crime never pays. And neither do I. Pluto TV stream now pay never.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, fans of freedom and open discussion. I'm heading over to Substack and there's an ad free audio and video version of the Adam Corolla show that's going to be waiting there in the near future. You'll even be able to watch ACS live unedited as we record it. Participate in the show via live chat that'll be coming up very soon. You also get an ad free version of The Adam Corlan Dr. Drew Show. You also get an exclusive to my new podcast, Beat it out, where I share unpolished ideas with my comedian buddies. The first series of episodes is going to be J. Moore. You'll get all this and more for the low, low price of nine bucks a month, a pittance for all we're going to bring you. Subscribe [e-mail] substack and I'll see all of you in our new speakeasy called Substack.

[Dawson]

From Corolla One Studios in Glendale, California. This is the Adam Carolla Show. Adam's guest today, comedian Ben Gleb. Plus the news and trending topics with Jason May Miller. And now he's making a list and checking it twice, but it's a list of grievances. Adam Carolla.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, get it on. Got to get on the chair. Taking a minute to get it on. Thanks for tuning in. Thanks for telling the friend. We love that about you. Ben Glebe back in studio mayhem. Miller here as well. Ben's got a podcast last week on Earth with guess who? Ben Gleb. Everyone's available on Apple Podcast, Spotify and wherever you find finer podcasts. Also, the Mad King is the standup special. It's available on YouTube as we speak as well. All right. Stuff to complain about. And now these are first world problems, admittedly, but I like some uniformity. I like things to be consistent. I like to know. I've said thousands of times that I wish every valve and every shower of every hotel I've ever went to was the same valve. So I knew how to start the shower. Not all bespoke and all different. I've said this about TV remotes in hotel rooms. And I like a world where you go and get, you fill your car up at one place and a gallon is a gallon, and then you could go drive to Nebraska and go to another place and the same gallon would be the same gallon, which would also be the same place across the street. The Chevron, the Arco Shell station, everything's the same. And you know what you're getting, right?

[Ben Glebe]

Are you getting less than a gallon some places?

[Jason May]

Yeah. I don't understand.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I like it.

[Ben Glebe]

I didn't get the last one.

[Adam Carolla]

I like it. Everything would.

[Ben Glebe]

It's called what differences in gas stations.

[Jason May]

Are you saying, you're saying money wise, you're saying that we should have uniform price?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm saying I like that you can go to any gas station and know exactly what a gallon is.

[Ben Glebe]

Oh, I see. That was an example of uniformity.

[Adam Carolla]

That's uniformity.

[Ben Glebe]

Copy.

[Adam Carolla]

I would like it to be that.

[Ben Glebe]

Way with the showers and remote controls.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. But I like that. I never think. You fill your car all the time and you never think, what have you thought to yourself? I wonder if this is. I mean, the tank says it holds 16 gallons, but this says I just pumped in 31 gallons. But wait a minute, it would fuck you up. Right? Yeah, I like that.

[Ben Glebe]

Okay, now I've got thoughts about hotel showers in a moment. But I want you to think about.

[Adam Carolla]

Anybody who travels a lot has thoughts about hotel showers.

[Ben Glebe]

I mean, they're designed by complete morons. Almost every hotel shower these days, they like box. There's a little opening in the glass chamber and it's not on the side where the spout and the knob is. So you have to reach deep into this glass box to turn on ice cold water and get yourself soaking wet with ice cold water before it's at the right temperature. You can't turn it on without getting wet, which is the most important element of a shower.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like they don't want you coming back. Right.

[Ben Glebe]

100%. How did they do that and think it's perfect?

[Adam Carolla]

Also, if you go to the Home Depot and you look at shower valves, they have like nine different offerings. But if you travel the country, there's evidently 7,000 different offerings because no hotel has the same one. I'd like to live in this world. Can we live in this world? Hot knob, cold knob. You just turn it. You just deal with it. No stick shift, no moving this. No heading toward Mecca. Is it getting hot? Is it getting. I don't know what direction hot or cold is. I'm just saying back in the day, I grew up in a world where you turn the hot on, you'd let the water warm up and then you'd work in some cold like season to your tasting. You know what I mean?

[Ben Glebe]

I mostly agree with that. Point shifts. The stick shift vibes. No good. The where you have to pull it towards you and then turn it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Always confused.

[Ben Glebe]

You're in.

[Adam Carolla]

Always confused.

[Ben Glebe]

But I think one knob is better than two knobs because it's built in is. Is the adjusting. I'm not trying to be a chemist.

[Adam Carolla]

And one knob is better than two knobs for your home because you'll learn your knob at home. But for the road, it's really just. We are idiot proofing this shower valve with saying yes, it's going to take. Aesthetically, not as strong as the single knob. But we don't care because we're out the next morning. Right. And from a timely standpoint, there's a, you know, there's a couple extra seconds of turning the other knob. But from a consistency standpoint, you just know what you're getting every time you.

[Ben Glebe]

Get full hot and you're adding cold. Whereas sometimes you go all the way hot in a hotel and you're just. You have third degree burns now.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And you don't know. And you can't. It's getting hotter. Okay.

[Ben Glebe]

And also, almost every hotel on earth these days doesn't get hot for like 10 minutes.

[Jason May]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ben Glebe]

It's just cold.

[Jason May]

Burn up left, stick shift up left. And then tap it, tap it, tap it as. As you want to season in the car.

[Ben Glebe]

Everything tapping to you.

[Jason May]

Tap, tap, tappy. Like a little bit of.

[Adam Carolla]

I took a. I literally took pictures earlier in my career. It's somewhere on the computer. Dawson will remember it somewhere, but I. Probably not labeled or mislabeled.

[Jason May]

Documented.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll say. Like Spokane, D.C. sacramento. I took a picture of every shower valve on every hotel on the road. And they're all different. And there's 75 of them, which sounds patently insane, because you think, yeah, there would be just sort of one Val. You know, someone would have a monopoly on. Here's the valve.

[Jason May]

I'm seeing an investment opportunity here for you to take over the game. Corolla knobs.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah, you've got a. You've got a wine cooler. A man Gria. I say we do knobs. Corolla knobs.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, this is all leading me to somewhere else.

[Ben Glebe]

I had a feeling.

[Adam Carolla]

You had a feeling? I've been out to dinner a lot. A lot lately. And I was in New York and stuff like that. I always love going to a steakhouse and ordering a martini. You found the compilation nice. Yeah. Are they labeled? Are the cities labeled on them? Okay, well, we're looking at one that doesn't have a city labeled on it.

[Dawson]

But it's labeled on the file itself.

[Adam Carolla]

This is Atlanta. Boston.

[Jason May]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Chicago. All right, another Chicago knob home.

[Mayhem Miller]

Indianapolis.

[Adam Carolla]

Milwaukee. That one's confusing. All.

[Mayhem Miller]

Napa.

[Jason May]

Napa.

[Adam Carolla]

Portland. All right, here's what I'm saying about Portland. Go back. Portland. There is no blue. There's no red. There's no plus. There's no minus. There's just. Here's a. Here's a handle. Turn it at your own risk.

[Ben Glebe]

Same as Milwaukee. There's no. I don't even know if you start left.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Here's my point.

[Ben Glebe]

There it is.

[Adam Carolla]

I grew up in the San Fernando Valley. My junior high, my high school, my grade school, they all looked exactly the same. They had the same tile, they had the same bathroom. They had the same urinals. The buildings were exactly the same. Why is there no uniformity? Why is it all different? Every single place you go to is different, and none of them are what? You know. It's not like, oh, that's the one I got from home. No, it's all different.

[Jason May]

I'm going to guess China.

[Adam Carolla]

China. And then how much water does one waste every year not knowing what it is and having to experiment with the Arm in there. What all just runs into the bay.

[Ben Glebe]

They don't want you to use a new towel to save the environment. And they make you wait for 40 minutes for hot water. And then once you get hot, it's too hot and you have to adjust it down for the rest of your life.

[Adam Carolla]

Does this keep going, Byron, by the way? We get to the end of this. No.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah, there's a few more.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. I didn't even cherry pick them. I just traveled the country taking pictures of bathrooms. And it's like, it's almost uncanny that the Hilton in Boston wouldn't have the one that the Hilton in Sacramento had. Right. They don't even. Even amongst their own brand name, that Marriott. The Marriotts would. Would vary. It's kind of weird, right?

[Jason May]

Yeah.

[Ben Glebe]

I also. This is totally a tangent, but related. I met somebody once with the weirdest job. Their job. Wait, what's that top button on that one?

[Adam Carolla]

That's the point that you pull it out and fills the tub or whatever. I. But I don't know, to turn it right or left or up or something. You gotta pull while you're.

[Ben Glebe]

It's just like, I think you have to press and pull and turn and tilt. It's all of it.

[Adam Carolla]

But what if we did cars where we're like, oh, in this car, the accelerator's on the left and we put the brake on the right and the clutch is in the back seat. The steering wheel is in the back. Is in the trunk.

[Ben Glebe]

It would really cut down on commandeering of vehicles.

[Adam Carolla]

It would slow down the carjacking. But it would be super confusing. Every time you got into a new car.

[Ben Glebe]

This one's just ugly. They got the red and the blue, but there's marble in the middle of chrome.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they're all different.

[Jason May]

I'm just sad I don't get to see the reflection of you ass naked taking a photograph.

[Ben Glebe]

You're sad about that?

[Jason May]

Yeah. I'm like, what? You're always in clothes.

[Ben Glebe]

It's very telling.

[Jason May]

Yeah. You should be butt naked in at least two of these photos.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so none of them are the same and it's all shit show.

[Ben Glebe]

Yep. And it's called American Standard and it's not standard.

[Adam Carolla]

There's nothing standard about it. And by the way, I don't like peeing into the urinal that says American Standard on it. I feel like it's unpatriotic, like, true. It's like you just took it. You took a whiz on an eagle, bro. Yeah, like I'm peeing with you looking at American Standard.

[Ben Glebe]

That brand should be American Freak. That's the move for that moment.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Or it could be, like, Middle Eastern Standard or some other place that we had beef with China Standard, you know? But I don't like peeing China. The American Standard.

[Ben Glebe]

Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. So I like. I've been going out. I was in New York.

[Ben Glebe]

You like a martini?

[Adam Carolla]

I like a martini, and I like my steak, But I never know what martini's showing up. I don't know what size is showing up. Now they have different glasses. And then there's the one I like. All right, so there's three ways we go. We go glass martini, Then they go, oh, we're gonna drop it off some places, drop the shaker off with it, and you can do a little tableside, top it off, you know, some melted ice in there, but, you know, if you like that, others do the little craft thing. They'll do a little side martini, and you can, like, freshen it up, but in a little ice thing. It's very fancy.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah. Pretend it's orange juice while you're getting drunk.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. But always unclear, which is what? It's just a crapshoot with the martini, you know what I mean? So I go to a place in New York, and it's also. There's an amount issue. It's always a thing. I go to the place in New York, the guy starts to hand me the martini glass, which is the 60s, Frank Sinatra style, a little more champagne than martini, and the thing's down seven eighths of an inch from there. I mean, it had a little bit of martini at the bottom of it, you know what I mean? Which happened. Sometimes they spill it, I think, when they're bringing it out. But the guy starts to like. The guy sets it down on the table, and I literally just looked at him like.

[Jason May]

What is this?

[Adam Carolla]

And he just looked at me, and he just picked it back up, and he walked back nice to the bar. I didn't even say anything. But my favorite place is Mastro's. Cause Mastro's, they give you a nice big martini glass, and they leave the shaker at the table, and it usually give you a nice, strong martini up to the edge. And then they leave the shaker, and the shaker's got enough so you can kind of top it off a little. Some melted ice.

[Ben Glebe]

I think the raff is much better than the shaker because of the melted ice issue. But please, go ahead. You like it this way?

[Adam Carolla]

I like it this way makes you.

[Ben Glebe]

Feel like you're a bartender. You're helping the process a little bit.

[Adam Carolla]

Tactile, mechanical, spun metal. Feeling good. And so I go out to. I go out to Mastro's, and the guy's pouring the thing at the table. You know that move, and then he's kind of shaking it, and now it's just ice and the glass half full. And then he sets it down, and I go, well, there's nothing in there. He goes, yeah, well, I leave it here so you can pour. I go, yeah, you leave it so I can top it off. Except for it's empty. It just shook it in front of the thing. And the glass is two thirds full, so somebody didn't put enough in here. And he goes, yeah. And I go, why don't you take it back, y'all? Put some more in there. And he goes, okay. And he goes and does it. But here's what I'm saying.

[Ben Glebe]

And you're allowed to be this level of indignant with cocktail prices. I mean, this is probably a $27 martini, right?

[Adam Carolla]

So here's what I'm saying. Why the crapshoot and martinis? Last time I checked, you get a gin martini. It's basically gin with ice and a lemon twist or olives or whatever. There's nothing. There's nothing to it. You know what I mean? So like when you. Okay, so like beef eater gin. All right, let's. Let's work this out. Beef eater gin. The restaurant is paying $9, a 750 milliliter bottle for it. Really? I mean, $8.75, $6.75.

[Ben Glebe]

Like Scott, a classy British guy in the bottle, but it's not classy.

[Adam Carolla]

They're not paying. They're paying wholesale. Whatever.

[Ben Glebe]

That's why it's the guard on the guard.

[Adam Carolla]

He's the beef eater.

[Ben Glebe]

It's the gin of the guard.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Ben Glebe]

He's not keeping guard of great gin. That's what he drinks, like, in his pocket during the shift.

[Adam Carolla]

I came out with a gin called Pole sm.

[Ben Glebe]

Go Over. Surprising.

[Adam Carolla]

I know. I thought it was a great idea. Yeah. I had a fudge brand called the Fudge Backers. I thought it worked great for, you know, the guys over there in Wisconsin and stuff. And. No, didn't work. I don't know what's up with. I know what's wrong with people. Fudge.

[Ben Glebe]

Fudge.

[Adam Carolla]

Factors of pulse. Smokers, Both of them.

[Ben Glebe]

Probably pretty popular with beefy.

[Adam Carolla]

I lost a lot of money, but lesson learned.

[Ben Glebe]

That's fine.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. So here's what I'm saying. It is. The bottle cost them $8.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Your martini has $1.21 worth of gin in it. According to them, from that bottle, two things. When the waiter goes to pick up the martini glass that's half empty, shouldn't the waiter look at the bartender and go, I'm not bringing this fucking burned offering back to that table. The guy ordered a martini. And we could also agree, people order like to have a drink. You know what I mean? This isn't. It's all alcohol. It's all alcohol. You know what I mean? Ironically, the martini that's always, always filled is the cappuccino martini. Those ones are always espresso. Sorry, the espresso one is always all.

[Ben Glebe]

To the very top.

[Adam Carolla]

Every chick who orders one is spilling it when she's trying to. Because it's still filled all the way.

[Ben Glebe]

They can spill to the top, turn.

[Adam Carolla]

It over and beat on it like.

[Ben Glebe]

A ketchup bottle up there.

[Adam Carolla]

What I'm saying is, when the bartender hands the half a martini to the waiter, shouldn't the waiter go, just fucking open that gin bottle and dump a little? Yeah, just dump a little.

[Ben Glebe]

So he has to walk less.

[Adam Carolla]

I gotta get tipped by this fucking person and then tip him out too. And I don't want to bring the half. Whatever. But also, where is the science? So here's what I'm saying. The person that's making the martini are. Okay, are we at this point, do we need a graduated martini cylinder? So you just go, this is it. This is. You ordered a martini. This is your Kidding. I get half a glass sometimes. Don't get me started on Utah. Utah. It's like we don't do. I mean, we can't serve more than a hummingbird. Speak of booze.

[Ben Glebe]

Only on a Friday before sundown. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You just ordered a martini. You are not getting. You're not getting a martini. But I mean, wild variation, put the teeny.

[Ben Glebe]

Okay, sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

This person could not measure it out to such where the guy poured it at the table. It was halfway up the glass and the thing was empty. Now they're supposed to go all the way up and leave you. So what is the bartender doing? Why don't they know? I mean, that's my whole thing is why wouldn't. Wouldn't you feel like after six months of you making martinis, you would have a pretty good vibe for like, what the poor was like? Do you think, like, I used to be in the trades, you know, you'd look at A thing. And you'd go, oh, we got to grout that bat. We got to grout up that bathroom stall. Now we got to the shower cells got to be grouted out. Those guys knew how much grout to sort of COVID They didn't make a shitload of grout and have it all dry up or a little bit of grout and only get through, like, four tiles.

[Ben Glebe]

You're not showing up to the site without enough grout. That would be horrible for your own life.

[Adam Carolla]

No, out of grout, you're out. Yeah, it's the sad. I saw the bumper sticker on the guy's truck. What I'm saying is you kind of learn, you know, working.

[Ben Glebe]

Maybe they're all. Well, maybe they're very busy. And the guy's making like.

[Adam Carolla]

He's like, isn't a martini kind of what you're doing? Like, why don't you just. Like, I would have a thing. I think I would have it within a teaspoon from my 1 to my 1000th that day. Like, just in terms of the amount. I would always go a little heavy because I like, okay, this guy's ordering a martini, wants to fucking drink.

[Ben Glebe]

Like, he's here because of the shaker, because you can't see in it. They're kind of going blind a little bit.

[Jason May]

Yeah, but you're like 1, 1000, 2 1000.

[Adam Carolla]

But also, you're a bartender, and you go, this person ordered a martini. Pour half a martini. You go, here you go, Bob. Take that over to stable. Like, don't you know that guy's gonna go, where's the rest of the.

[Ben Glebe]

And that's not like, what. I'm a martini drinker, too. That's not the only issue. I like a very dirty martini. I always say, very dirty, filthy.

[Adam Carolla]

Guy stirred it with his dick.

[Ben Glebe]

Well, that's a little too filthy, you said, Mary. Well, let me clarify to a degree. I like it very filthy. And it comes and it's like. It shouldn't have said comes, but. And it arrives and it is like, Tastes just still straight vodka. I go, vodka martini, usually, and there's no dirty in it. And I tell them, please bring me a side thing of martini juice, martini olive juice. They're having to run back and forth. What do they think I mean by very.

[Adam Carolla]

They're dumb. They're dumb. They're checked out and they don't care. I'm just saying, your answer to the. The variation is such. Where we need a template. Now.

[Dawson]

There's no excuse. It's Glass for me.

[Adam Carolla]

Glass for me. Sitting that for 14 minutes.

[Unknown]

As a former bartender, can I weigh in?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. I want to know.

[Unknown]

A martini glass, a typical martini glass holds far more than you should pour.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Unknown]

In a typical Martini. So like a half full Martini is actually a standard pour now?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Obviously ridiculous to do that. So now most bartenders pour enough of a martini to fill the whole glass. But a martini glass, when being delivered to the table totally full, spills the whole way. That's why they keep it in the shaker, then they pour it at the table. Then there's six to seven ounces, what a martini glass holds in that shaker, but they put four in there as they bring it over, and then they give you the rest to serve yourself.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. There's methods to everyone's madness. And it's not all, you know. I'm not filing a lawsuit. What I'm saying is.

[Jason May]

I know. I thought this was an opening statement.

[Adam Carolla]

Don't offer up the martini glass you speak of. I agree. When you get to the top, you got a lot of booze. I'm talking about the 60s style. That's more the cup. And when the cup is half full, there's just like, there's not anything in it. But I'm just saying, as a bartender, you gotta like your booze. You gotta like your customers. You gotta like your customers, like the booze. You know, I'd always just be heavy hand, because I'd be like, I'm not fucking paying for these bottles. And the one bottle of gin and the one bottle of vodka. I can get 22 martinis out of this and I charge 26 bucks a martini. So we're doing good.

[Ben Glebe]

A little loose on it. Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Financially.

[Ben Glebe]

But also, there's a conundrum I don't even understand about martinis. And I enjoy drinking them, probably for this reason. But there's like a paradox of martinis, because if you drank the amount of alcohol outside of a martini glass that you're having in a martini, you would be plastered and vomiting on the street. But you put it in a classy glass and suddenly I can drink straight vodka by the pound.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Ben Glebe]

How does it happen? There's like four shots minimum in a martini, and I'm good. I can have three of them. Yeah, well, I'm at 12 shots.

[Adam Carolla]

They. They used to.

[Ben Glebe]

You add a little bit of olive juice and suddenly your body can handle more alcohol.

[Adam Carolla]

They had the three martini lunch, man. Back in the Mad Men days, those guys would go out for lunch, then.

[Ben Glebe]

They'D go back, instead of pitching their ad campaigns, they would just sexually harass their staff.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. It was such a better time. It was a fun time, remember?

[Ben Glebe]

But why do you. Why can you get Dr. Can you drink more alcohol than a martini? I'm stunned by it.

[Adam Carolla]

The best time to be alive. Pre aids, mid Coke.

[Ben Glebe]

Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the best time to marry birth control.

[Ben Glebe]

Pre aids, mid Coke.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Coke was good for you. No one cared about coke. They do it recordly. They pull out at a party wherever. They didn't think coke was bad for you.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And AIDS hadn't been invented.

[Ben Glebe]

Coke has made a comeback.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, it has.

[Ben Glebe]

But ketamine also now is going neck and neck with it.

[Adam Carolla]

Coke's back, huh?

[Ben Glebe]

Coke's back. But ketamine, I think is the drug of choice these days at a party. But people will be like, which do you want? And then there's two white powder options. You gotta have a lot of trust.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, other thoughts?

[Ben Glebe]

Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

There was a tragic shooting, another school shooting, and they interviewed the cop, the top cop, I don't know where is it from. Was he this in Georgia?

[Jason May]

Wisconsin.

[Adam Carolla]

Wisconsin. Sorry, thanks. They interviewed the police chief and they're asking questions about is there a metal detector at the school? And stuff like that. And he had a very wise solution for why there wasn't a metal detector at the school where a bunch of kids got shot. We'll play you the clip, but it's an answer. And in this answer lies the problem for every modern. Every modern problem that is vexing us will be provided in his answer. We realize if people think this way, this is what we end up with. What sort of gun related policies, if any, were in place at the school and did the school have metal detectors?

[Jason May]

I'm not aw that the school had metal detectors. Nor should schools have metal detectors. It's a school. It's a safe space.

[Adam Carolla]

All right? It's a safe space. Well, tell that to the three dead people who obviously the shooter did not recognize it as a safe space.

[Ben Glebe]

Maybe if somebody had told the shooter.

[Adam Carolla]

If someone should explain to the shooter that this was a safe space.

[Ben Glebe]

Is supposed to be a safe space. It's a place for education.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we don't need. Schools shouldn't have metal detectors because they're safe spaces. The shooters understand they don't have metal detectors and that they're safe spaces so people don't return fire, so they can easily kill people. I agree with him in theory. Schools shouldn't have to have that. So every time I drive underneath one of those walk bridges that go over the freeway. I think, why is there a cage going all the way up and around? And I think because I think people jump off of those bridges and land on moving cars. And I think to myself, they shouldn't have to have them. That's true, but.

[Ben Glebe]

But they do.

[Adam Carolla]

They do.

[Ben Glebe]

And they throw rocks. They'll also throw rocks.

[Adam Carolla]

They'll throw fucking shit on your car. Okay. Yes. You could get hit by cinder block or hit by human beings. So should.

[Ben Glebe]

Which would you rather, by the way?

[Adam Carolla]

I'll go with the human.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah, I think so. Softer landing.

[Adam Carolla]

I would like them aesthetically, just have a nice railing, but they do not. So this here's where the problem lies. A bunch of fucking retards like this guy who gets indignant about what schools should have. That's right. Nobody should this and nobody should that, and schools shouldn't. And kids shouldn't have to live in fear and all that. Okay? That being said, go get some fucking metal detectors, because that's where we're at.

[Ben Glebe]

Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't like the razor wire around the freeway signs in la. It's really depressing to drive and look up in la, but somebody keeps graffiti on the signs. And so somebody had to put razor wire around the signs.

[Jason May]

The latest is they steal the 405 or the 110. Like you don't know where the freeway is anymore because the kids are just snatching those.

[Ben Glebe]

Well, also, just in general, they hide freeway on ramps.

[Jason May]

That's right.

[Ben Glebe]

It's almost like. It's like a. Like a escape room or some sort of a scavenger hunt they really like. It used to be a big production you're getting on the freeway. There's huge signs, and now it's like on a residential street, like next to a house. It's a tiny little sign past it. I do, like three times.

[Adam Carolla]

I do always feel super sorry for those houses, like when you just go by.

[Jason May]

Yeah, especially.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know why that these. The super depressing tableau of the kids toys in the front of that house, that all the fucking Diesels are going by all day, every day. Well, you love comedy. You're comedy fans. That's why you're listening to this podcast. And the funniest comedians in the world are on tour right now. And you can get tickets to see them live near you. So they're traveling and you're bringing the mountain to Mohammed. They're coming to your town. You don't have to go to their town. To see them. And they got huge names in comedy. Atsuko Okotsuka is coming out. Maybe not a household name, but I bet if you're listening, you know comedy, you love Atsuko. Bill Burr. Well, there's a guy, you know, Sebastian Maniscalco is coming to town near you and so many more. All kinds of shows, all kinds of venues, all kinds of funny. So head to livenation.comcomedy to get your tickets today. That's livenation.comcomedy. and get caught up on all the comedy life can throw a lot your way. In the morning, you might be battling drop off times while your kids are battling imaginary monsters or their shoelaces. But no matter what life brings, Life Cereal puts a smile on everyone's face. With 24 grams of whole grains and unexpected sweetness in every serving, it's sure to please even the pickiest eaters. Help start your mornings with Life cereal.

[Ben Glebe]

I really love my life.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so this guy's a police chief. I don't know what the fuck he's talking about, but he does not. The school's a safe zone where sometimes people get shot.

[Jason May]

Like, it's really striking to see him say that in front of that chiron that says three dead, seven wounded.

[Ben Glebe]

And also this shooting has upended a lot of the conventional wisdom of school shooting because this was a female shooter and she used a handgun.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh. So, Ben, I do want to say that Israel should not have to have an Iron Dome.

[Ben Glebe]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

They shouldn't.

[Ben Glebe]

And they should not do it and then receive thousands of rockets a year without any protection.

[Adam Carolla]

Israel should be announced. They're in a safe space.

[Ben Glebe]

You mean in an ideal world. Okay, then let's get rid of it.

[Adam Carolla]

I hate to get rid of the Iron Dome because a country should not have to do that.

[Ben Glebe]

You're right. You're so right.

[Adam Carolla]

Canada doesn't have an Iron Dome. Mexico doesn't have one. The Netherlands don't. So why does Israel have to do that?

[Ben Glebe]

Everything should be the same, regardless of.

[Adam Carolla]

Shower valves and country should all be the same. And yeah, no country should have to have an iron dome system.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah, I think that's a great point.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a good point.

[Ben Glebe]

I think it should just be kind of. What's it called when everybody gets the same amount of pay for a thing?

[Adam Carolla]

Equity.

[Ben Glebe]

Right, sure. Inclusion, equality, favored nations.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I wonder what this guy would think about Iron Dome over in Israel if they. Because technically you shouldn't have to have an iron door is what I'm saying.

[Ben Glebe]

Technically you shouldn't need Armies or police, people should just behave.

[Adam Carolla]

You should need locks on doors of your home.

[Ben Glebe]

True. Also, why in the worst areas, like people have homes near freeway on ramps, Is that when the toys are in the front yard?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Ben Glebe]

When even in better areas you wouldn't put the toys in the front yard for safety reasons. Worst neighborhood. But definitely put the toys in the backyard.

[Adam Carolla]

I will riddle you this.

[Ben Glebe]

Ben Cleave, please.

[Adam Carolla]

I've passed through many a very nice neighborhood and seen the stupid sign that looks like there's a turtle with down syndrome and a flag and it says kid zone, slow zone. Never seen a kid playing stickball on that street. Never seen one skateboarding or rollerblade? Never. Only in super expensive neighborhoods. Those kids have outdoor kitchens and trampolines and water slides in their backyard. All the shit neighborhoods where the kids are out in the street on the bikes and fucking running around playing baseball and stuff. They're doing all that. Never seen one of those signs. We really. I'd like to go to those neighborhoods and go, listen, Rich whitey, who you kidding? I've not seen your kid on your front lawn ever.

[Ben Glebe]

You should do a program where we take the signs. Yeah, neighborhood put them in worse neighborhoods. But I think they probably had the signs and they've just used it like a bat for a wiffle ball now or something in the front yard or.

[Adam Carolla]

Like a shield during a rock fight or something like that.

[Ben Glebe]

A gladiator. Kind of a. Yeah, shield. Shield. Sword combo. Baton combo.

[Adam Carolla]

When have you ever driven through Bel Air and seen kids playing on a front lawn?

[Ben Glebe]

Rare kids have it rare.

[Adam Carolla]

It is never. It's like they have a home theater and the backyard has a lazy river in it.

[Ben Glebe]

I mean, Shine always says, slow children playing. And I think they mean just like all children, not just slow children.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what it should say in those nice neighborhoods? It should say slow Mexicans gardening. Because that's all I ever see is the guy at the leaf blower and his wife is sweeping the shit up and they're pushing this thing.

[Ben Glebe]

Did you know gardening is just all leaf blowing? I just started studying my gardeners because I asked them to stop using the leaf blower by my outdoor table and ping pong table because it's just creating dust, like a thin 1/2 inch layer of dust. And I look at them and they don't know what to do if they can't use the leaf blower. I want them to like manicure the garden and the plants and they're just blowing leaves. That's the job. They should Just call themselves leaf blowing companies.

[Adam Carolla]

I totally agree. And also it never ends up being gathered. It's like half in the neighbor's yard, half in your pool, and it's half.

[Ben Glebe]

Gathered like in my plants on the floor.

[Adam Carolla]

They just keep them there, I think.

[Ben Glebe]

And they're just plumes of dust spilling around. It's making it worse.

[Adam Carolla]

I think that leaf blower is their sort of superpower. It's like their claim to fame. They're people that don't have much society shuns and looks down upon them.

[Ben Glebe]

They have Ghostbusters, proton pack.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. There is no status they have. But when that leaf blower all of a sudden, the power of Zeus, you know what I mean? Like the super rich white chick is walking or labradoodle down the sidewalk and they spin around and the person has to like cower and walk across the street and stuff. It is a. It's a power.

[Ben Glebe]

And it's just the power to be able to also immediately ignore the person employing them.

[Adam Carolla]

I wish I had so loud.

[Ben Glebe]

Ask him, do you mind turning up for a second quick thing? I need you to please trim the palm tree today. And they go, yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

They never get into an argument with their wives. Right. Their wife comes around the corner, goes, hey, you left your huarachi.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Never an argument.

[Ben Glebe]

Yep. This is a fact.

[Adam Carolla]

No hassles.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah, it's. I don't understand what's happening with it. It's a problem for me. I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

They're illegal in Southern California. They are in Los Angeles.

[Ben Glebe]

Really?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. I've gotten in this conversation many, many.

[Ben Glebe]

And they're flouting the law to keep these machines.

[Jason May]

Yes, they're illegal, but people are still using them. That's just how it's not enforced.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, we got different kinds. We got two kinds of illegal. We got illegal. Like you parked your car in a zone for the street sweeper and it said 7 to 10am and we came by at 8am and your car was there that you get a ticket every single time. And then there's somebody's using a leaf blower illegal, which nobody gets a ticket any of the time because it's a brown thing and they don't like the optics of it. So what we do is we go like, jaywalking was illegal. And then black people turned out, did most of the jaywalking. And then they decided it was discriminatory because more black people got jaywalking tickets than non black. So then they legalized jaywalking.

[Ben Glebe]

Oh, you mean crossing the Street. I thought you meant the old Walking Like a Park Tonight show with Jay Leno segment where he's like, what is this piece of mind? Is this a Mona Lisa? What is this? What do you think this is? Thought that was illegal doing it.

[Adam Carolla]

Anyway, that show. I mean, any show, first off, any show where how dumb Americans are. I'm done now. Yeah, because when they just go out and they. They open up a map and they go find Mississippi and Mississippi's labeled Mississippi and they can't find Mississippi, or they go, name one founding father or something. Nobody can do it.

[Ben Glebe]

Name the vice president. They can't do it.

[Adam Carolla]

Who did we fight in the Civil War? Why did we fight? I mean, you could ask one person on Mount Rushmore. Just anything, anything. And they got nothing. They got nothing. So I'm done with that. But yes, it is. Leaf blowers were outlawed in 99.

[Ben Glebe]

Interesting.

[Adam Carolla]

What?

[Ben Glebe]

What's the reason? Because of the noise?

[Jason May]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Hell yeah. Pollution, noise, everything. For all the reasons you hate.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah, I hate it. I hate it. It just can't. I don't. I don't understand it. My pool ends up filled with a whole film of dust also because of this blowout.

[Adam Carolla]

It's the worst. The worst is when you get your. There's two. You're like driving home from the car wash and you have to drive through a cloud of soot that this guy's just firing up. They should 100% be legal. They pollute more than a full size pickup truck in a year. They pollute that much in 10 minutes because they run off two stroke oil. They don't have catalytic converters. They're louder than shit and we're fucked.

[Ben Glebe]

I have some two stroke oil at home as well.

[Jason May]

Yeah?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, very effective standard.

[Ben Glebe]

It's incredible.

[Adam Carolla]

Called two stroke.

[Jason May]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Ben Glebe]

Sometimes I need a third.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, can we get rid of this? Show me that clip. Show me that cop clip one more time. I want you to. His words are retarded, but pay attention to the sound in the background. That starts up in about 10 seconds.

[Ben Glebe]

He has to say his words are down syndrome.

[Adam Carolla]

Down syndrome words. What sort of gun related policies, if any, were in place at the school? And did the school have metal detectors?

[Jason May]

I'm not aware that the school had metal detectors. Nor should schools have metal detectors. It's a school. It's a safe space.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Hear the backup beeper in the back? I was awoken by one this morning. Could you imagine this utopia? This simple utopia. No more backup beepers, no more leaf blowers. I would sleep until four in the afternoon every single day.

[Ben Glebe]

I would love to.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know if I'd ever wake up. No, they'd go, where's Carola? He's been asleep. You said that nine months ago. He's still there.

[Ben Glebe]

I also love that we just watched again a clip about a school shooting. And you're like, you hear in the background the beeping and it bothers me in my sleep. That was what was really bothering me.

[Adam Carolla]

Four kids not only had to be.

[Ben Glebe]

Exposed, they also, in their trauma, have to hear this. But also there's another issue here about this police chief. I realize not only is it ridiculous in a world with constant school shootings to be saying we shouldn't need metal detectors, but the one person who certainly shouldn't be saying it is the police chief.

[Adam Carolla]

I agree.

[Ben Glebe]

He's the guy whose whole job is to do anything, to create, to protect the people and keep the safety. So maybe, like, you can have your politicians saying we're gonna pass legislation so that we don't need metal detectors, but the cop needs to say, we're putting metal detectors in the morning. We should have done it already.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, no, you're right, because the cops, like, you shouldn't, you shouldn't need me to do anything to have a deadbolt on your front door. And you shouldn't need outdoor lining. But that's, that's the times we're living in. And by the way, whenever they do those things, where they go, what can we do? Like, here's what the police recommend. Okay? All the things the police recommends. I go, don't leave valuables in your car in view of whatever. When you leave the home, turn a light on, make sure you have a good, functioning, high quality deadbolt and front door. An alarm system helps outdoor lighting. You know, all the stuff that you shouldn't have to do. Like you should be able to climb out of your car, leave your computer on your passenger seat and go back in. You should be able to do that. But that cop, that fucking cop would tell you you're fool if you leave your computer on your passenger seat and you park your car in Oakland, that's on you.

[Ben Glebe]

Their solutions are just don't live. Solutions are, well, all you have to do is don't leave the house. If you do, make sure you're wearing full catchers equipment. Don't bring things with you.

[Adam Carolla]

No. Here they tell you if you have a fancy watch, you leave it at home. You know, if you're going out, you're driving an expensive car, put on rags.

[Ben Glebe]

Put on like a homeless outfit.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Ben Glebe]

Create cover illusion that you're homeless and you'll be safe from most crimes.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, I was gonna cut this guy some slack, Joe, because he looks like Mike Singletary. Yeah, I mean, this guy's Mike Single fucking Terry. This guy. That's not quite. That's not the Singletary angle.

[Ben Glebe]

Like Tracy Morgan.

[Adam Carolla]

We need, we need that. Yeah, I need a little more. There's somewhere in between where he looks like Mike Singletary. Yeah, I think that's the Mike Singletary shot. But anyway, hall of fame inside linebacker, Chicago Bears. I don't have to tell you Jews about football.

[Ben Glebe]

Also, I don't know if you saw this other clip about this shooting, but the like, the mayor of this town gave a speech and her whole speech was about how upset she was that she and other legislators have to deal with it. It wasn't about the tragedy. She really said no mayor should have to deal with this and no police chief should have to deal with this. Or fire chief. And let's try to work for a world where no public official ever again has to deal. It was all about her inconvenience of paperwork and having to make make public statements. Well, okay, the kids were not mentioned in this speech.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. So let's drill down and think about this for a second. No. Okay, so I don't want anybody in charge who even says this is unacceptable. Because that's the new. The new world orders. They go, they do a few things. They go, this is unacceptable. Will bitch accept it? Cuz it happened 25 minutes ago. So I'm glad that you don't accept it, but it's like saying it's like me standing on the rubble that was my house after the earthquake and announcing this is unacceptable. You know what I mean? Okay, it happened and I didn't. You couldn't undo it. Now I could have earthquake proofed my home by bolting it to the foundation. You know, getting out a roto hammer.

[Ben Glebe]

Could have expected an earthquake in the earthquake.

[Adam Carolla]

Southern California. I'm saying, what is so different a scenario you can earthquake proof your home. I used to do it for a living. You crawl under your house, you drill holes in the footing and you bolt your bottom plate to it with the all thread and then you shear wall. The cripple wall. Yes, we'll call miniature walls cripple walls. In that business, you homos are arguing over whether you can say master bedroom or master suite or master whatever. We're still throwing Cripple wall. Wall down. Back then, there's all miniature walls in. In the building world are just called crippled.

[Jason May]

What's the entomology of that?

[Adam Carolla]

It's not a full size wall. It's a crippled wall. It's a miniature.

[Jason May]

Okay.

[Ben Glebe]

It's a. Crippled people are typically smaller.

[Jason May]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, they're not necessarily born shorter, but eventually they end up in a wheelchair or on those weird crutches that only go as high as your elbow.

[Jason May]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Which somehow means you. You get the full size crutches. You may be an NFL baller, but you get the weird polio one.

[Ben Glebe]

They get the full size crutches.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Ben Glebe]

I only heal to a certain degree.

[Adam Carolla]

Crutch. Yeah. We got Singletary and the cop together. Let's see if this.

[Ben Glebe]

There we go.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. I know. That's what we call a black simile. Yeah.

[Jason May]

You're right.

[Adam Carolla]

You understand. It's a perfect example of a black simile. I'd like to just be in the press and I'd just be. I'd be there and the chick be like, how about metal detectors? And he'd be like, there's no place for metal detectors. And these are schools. They should be safe zones. During the 85 season, you guys ran a 42 or 4 4. Settle an argument. Okay. And Richard Dent. Would you say he belongs in the hall of fame or not? Do you think Richard Dent should be in a hall of fame? I think he should be. Dan Hampton, you want to talk run stopper. Your thoughts?

[Unknown]

Remember the Mike Singletary crazy press conference?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Unknown]

When he was like, cannot win with him, cannot play.

[Jason May]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

I would like to hear him responding like that to the metal detector.

[Adam Carolla]

I like Singletary because a lot of guys wear, you know, a miniature crucifix around their neck to show their faith. He wears a full size. He would wear a cross the size of the ones that Christ was nailed to around his neck.

[Jason May]

Kill vampires.

[Adam Carolla]

He could kill vampires. Yeah. Some a vampire would recognize.

[Ben Glebe]

That's pretty big.

[Adam Carolla]

He could hold this thing up. He could ward off a vampire. Most people have crosses where, if they're trying to thwart a vampire, the vampire would stop and go like, what. What is that?

[Ben Glebe]

That just, like, tickles a little. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Is that a. I don't know. I can't. Your forefinger's covering up most of it, so I don't know what that is.

[Ben Glebe]

Or it's a plus sign. No.

[Adam Carolla]

Is that a lowercase T? Is your name Tom?

[Ben Glebe]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

He had a full size wooden crucifixion hung and he was a badass. And yes, I would like him to be the police chief of any town.

[Ben Glebe]

Well, also, now that you bring up Christ, it brings me back to hotel rooms and standard items. Because one of the things that isn't standard everywhere but closest you get in a hotel, two standard Gideon's is. No, no, no, that's true. That's the most standard Gideon Bible. But is the soap that they use in most hotels is from the brand Gilchrist and Soames. You do see that everywhere and wherever. I've seen it my whole life. I always just think, really after the soap company, Gill and Soames underperformed compared to Christ.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Ben Glebe]

Christ had a great second chapter, great run after the soap business.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Ben Glebe]

And Gill and so what have they done? Almost nothing.

[Jason May]

Well, give them three days. They're dead now.

[Ben Glebe]

They disappear. They seem to have disappeared.

[Adam Carolla]

Three days we got angry Singletary rant.

[Jason May]

Nice.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, it's about the team.

[Ben Glebe]

Cannot play with them, cannot win with.

[Adam Carolla]

Them, cannot coach with them.

[Jason May]

Can't do it.

[Adam Carolla]

I want winners. I want people that want to win. Yeah, well, he played hard nose ball in the 80s when they did battle. And all he knows is a hundred percent all the time.

[Ben Glebe]

What do you think the vibe was next time you saw the team speech?

[Adam Carolla]

Not good.

[Ben Glebe]

They were like, bro, they're bumped under the bus.

[Jason May]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Those guys don't care though. I mean, they're hardcore and they're. They're. He's more angry at them than they are at him. Did he get personnel changes after that, I'm guessing. Well, he got changed.

[Ben Glebe]

He got fired.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, he injured himself dragging his crucifix across the. Shake the other guy's hand after the game and he threw his neck out. So he sidelined for a while and he never came back. He never came back.

[Ben Glebe]

He's an intense man. That's just a single terrier. Imagine if you had a double or double.

[Adam Carolla]

Double or triple tearing.

[Ben Glebe]

And that'd be a very serious guy. The bootstrap, hilariously.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Getting rid of the leaf blower and get rid of the backup beeper.

[Jason May]

Creating martini standard again.

[Ben Glebe]

Make them standard and put metal detectors in all schools and martini bars, I think at this point.

[Adam Carolla]

And so what I was getting to, which is any politician that announces this is unacceptable after it happened or like when. Remember when de Blasio, during COVID was like, if one person dies, that's what. Okay, somebody died in the last ten minutes, dumb fuck. Now make some decent fucking policy and stop telling me if one person Dies. Many multiples of one are gonna die. We're gonna be in the millions here. That's what's gonna happen. Now you need to do something that saves some of the old people, but doesn't fuck the kids up by locking schools for three years, but not announce one. One has already died, you fucking retard. And you can't say things that already happened are unacceptable. They already fucking happen. I don't know if you have this witch's speech, but this is taking soft dumb people and putting them in charge. And all they know is fucking platitudes like they're sitting around going, you know, when these people come here to this country, they deserve dignity. They deserve a seat at the temple. They just walked here from Honduras being raped every 20ft. What they need is a fucking shelter and some slop. The dignity and the seat at the table. That's all these are all. That's window dressing, bitch. And I don't even know what it means. You've just got raped here repeatedly brought over on the back of a coyote, and you walked here from fucking Honduras, and that's not your real dad. So what are we talking about when we're talking about dignity?

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah, I mean, probably not every 20ft, but other than that. I take your point for sure. Amount of rapes happening, that might have been 50 or 100ft, but.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, yeah, right.

[Ben Glebe]

More every 20ft. A lot of, you know, a line of them.

[Adam Carolla]

I used hyperbole.

[Ben Glebe]

It was a little bit of hyperbole, but. But I do agree. It's like when people are coming out for a better life, they don't need every luxury of the country they're coming to. They're just looking to not be.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what a luxury dignity is when you're hungry and you're shoeless.

[Ben Glebe]

Well, that is also, I thought was actually a brilliant strategy of the Republican governors in, like, Texas and Florida is. Was shipping the best move ever illegals to, like, Rhode island and like, to Martha's Vineyard. Because all of a sudden everybody that was so wanting every immigrant here, they couldn't handle a hundred of them.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I know border towns are taking.

[Ben Glebe]

Hundreds of thousands and they're fine. They couldn't handle a hundred.

[Adam Carolla]

No, but they're sanctuary cities where everyone deserves to be treated with dignity, theoretically. Right. Until somebody shows up.

[Ben Glebe]

Until anybody take them up on that.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. So you're a sanctuary city until a bus pulls up and a bunch of migrants get off and then you have no fucking idea what to do and you're A safe space until the bullets start flying, and then you don't have a plan. That's what I'm saying.

[Ben Glebe]

It's a lot of words. Also, speaking of words, you just made me think of another thing. You know, earlier you said that it was a retarded thing you said, and I said, you got to say down syndrome. And then I realized really, what we should do to solve this problem also is just if a group doesn't like the derogatory version of a term being used, they should just stop using that term for themselves instead of making us not get to use the term for the fun stuff. Like, if you don't like being called retarded, then you should just say you have down syndrome. But why can't we. Let's just make retarded only a word for dumb actions.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I feel the same way with the N word.

[Ben Glebe]

So I resumed my entire argument.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on.

[Ben Glebe]

You found out very quickly.

[Adam Carolla]

Down is a. Downs is a name.

[Jason May]

Down. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, there was Hugh Downs. Hugh Downs was a famous anchor. 2020 with Hugh Downs. Did he invent down syndrome? I mean, not him, but his grandfather.

[Ben Glebe]

His grandfather, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Hezekiah Downs.

[Ben Glebe]

I'm Hugh Downs, and I have a touch of it. We'll be right back.

[Adam Carolla]

Is down syndrome named after somebody?

[Jason May]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Or is it because you're down, you've been detuned, like, down. Down rounded, or you're just sad about.

[Jason May]

It a little bit?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. You're pretty down about your syndrome, right? Like, what's the origins of down syndrome?

[Jason May]

Got to be a doctor that figured it out.

[Adam Carolla]

Doctor Down.

[Jason May]

Some guy who had it, like, Lou Gehri disease.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Ben Glebe]

You think Lou Gehrig is also responsible for this?

[Jason May]

He said he's the one who named it down syndrome.

[Ben Glebe]

Interesting. Today, I consider myself the most downy. Robert Downey Jr.

[Jason May]

The downest man in the world.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's a problem. Okay, so is down syndrome named after a guy who discovered.

[Ben Glebe]

Gotta be.

[Unknown]

Yes. Named after John Langdon Down Langdon, a British physician who was the first to accurately describe the physical characteristics. Characteristics of the condition.

[Adam Carolla]

And isn't that unfortunate? You know what I mean? Because. No, because when I think down syndrome, I think Down. Like. Like, I look at the wrong name. Well, what I'm saying is, is up you go. He's up. He's peppy. You know, he's on his feet. You know, he's having a good day. He's upbeat. He's upbeat up, you know, sort of good, that guy. You know, upbeat would mean sharp and on top of it. And you know, fast on his feet and stuff like that. Down just feels.

[Dawson]

I feel you. But I think you could be down with the syndrome, and you're pretty cool.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you're down.

[Ben Glebe]

I'm interesting. But I feel like if his name was up or like Dr. Upton, they wouldn't have probably named the syndrome after him.

[Jason May]

Definitely not.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah, it would be.

[Adam Carolla]

It would. It would come across. It'd be more palatable if it was.

[Ben Glebe]

You think it would have been good if down syndrome was called up syndrome?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, let's put it to you this way.

[Ben Glebe]

You think they'd be accepted more easily in society?

[Jason May]

I'd be like, you're an uptard.

[Unknown]

Well, they're.

[Ben Glebe]

You'd still have tard.

[Unknown]

They're up a chromosome.

[Adam Carolla]

I work with a plumber named Bob Joya.

[Jason May]

Nice.

[Adam Carolla]

Joya. You know what I mean? Joya syndrome sounds like a much happier place to be than down syndrome.

[Ben Glebe]

It's a great syndrome.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I'm saying?

[Ben Glebe]

And I'll tell you, it's a Kamala Harris syndrome. It's all about Joya.

[Adam Carolla]

And also, then you get back to. You got. Get back. You're so brat. Then you get back to. Oh, God. Oh, God. What's her name? Who? Sung Titanic.

[Ben Glebe]

Celine Dion.

[Adam Carolla]

Celine Dion.

[Ben Glebe]

Shall we go for it?

[Adam Carolla]

She has stiff person disease.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah. Which I wish. Wish I had that. You know what I mean?

[Adam Carolla]

She wishes it was named after the guy who invented it or discovered it.

[Ben Glebe]

Right, right.

[Adam Carolla]

She's just called a stiff person.

[Ben Glebe]

Hers is just described. Exactly. Instead of been called what?

[Jason May]

She's stiff. Like, literally stiff.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm saying, I think it makes you a little slow. Uniformity in shower valves, Martini sizes and disease naming. Because one's after a guy's name, but it could be something else because downs mean something. She's named Lou Gehrig. Is, you know, Lou Gehrig. She's got stiff. Okay. Crohn's is just called Crohn's. Right?

[Ben Glebe]

That's the guy's name. Gotta be a guy's name.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. But we're nice enough to go, let's call it Crohn's. Let's not call it shits all over the fucking office disease. But then with her, she's got stiff person disease.

[Ben Glebe]

But those are also good for the sufferer. But do the doctors that discover these things get to weigh in whether it gets named after them? Like, let's say you discover people that are shitting all over the place and they're like, it's called Crohn's disease, and you're like, no, no, no, no, no. I don't need. Every time now. My name being associated with shitting. You go check in at a restaurant and you're like, hey, it's Dr. Crohn's. No, thanks.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, think about the face you'd make if Dr. Crohn's was swinging by you.

[Ben Glebe]

He ruins his life. He's doing the world a favor discovering this disease, and he can't go to a restaurant.

[Jason May]

What happened to his milkshake company?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's gone.

[Dawson]

Stiff's person's disease would be called Morsh and Woltman disease.

[Jason May]

Marshall.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but it didn't catch on.

[Jason May]

Not catchy.

[Adam Carolla]

You know who.

[Dawson]

They're the guys who found it.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, figure this out. Bob Jacuzzi. That guy was like, I'm gonna. I will be in the baby making pleasure, getting dick sucking, champagne popping. Every fucking day you spend inside of my name is gonna be a good day.

[Ben Glebe]

That's a great. That name I'm accepting.

[Adam Carolla]

Jacuzzi guy was a fucking genius. And if you met some guy. Oh, yeah, you know, Jack Jacuzzi. You'd go, heck, I like that guy. I don't like that. Dr. Crohn's over there.

[Ben Glebe]

Jacuzzi. Come on in.

[Adam Carolla]

Jacuzzi. Right this way.

[Ben Glebe]

Crohn's.

[Adam Carolla]

And we wait over there. Try not to up the space.

[Jason May]

Yeah. Crohn's are not allowed in this Jacuzzi.

[Adam Carolla]

Who would you invite to your super bowl party? Yeah, Dr. Crohn's or Bob Jacuzzi.

[Ben Glebe]

Jacuzzi's in Jacuzzi.

[Jason May]

And then I'll have Zamboni along with.

[Adam Carolla]

Jacuzzi, watching the hockey game. Zamboni. He brings limited pleasure, but he's too smart.

[Jason May]

He's a smart guy.

[Adam Carolla]

I got to name that machine. They both sound like paisans to me. Jacuzzi and Zamponi, like, ever hung out.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah. And doc. Then in the corner, they're hanging out, and Dr. Downs is just sad over there with Crohn's. Never getting seated, crying. Crohn's and Downs just sitting there like a bunch of sad sacks.

[Adam Carolla]

That the Zamboni can't be much older than the Jacuzzi.

[Jason May]

No, no.

[Adam Carolla]

They gotta be about the same technical.

[Jason May]

Level of, like, water heating and also ice smoothing. There's like. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm so lucky I didn't have a magic wand, because if I. When I was, like, nine, if you took me to a Kings game and said, would you like the job of the guy who drives the Zamboni? And I go, yeah. And they've got. But it'd be for 80 years. I'd go, oh, fuck.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And I get to fucking drive that Zampone. Yeah. You're probably awesome.

[Ben Glebe]

You're buying snacks up there. You're probably gonna have candy up there.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. Everyone's waiting. They're all waiting on you.

[Ben Glebe]

Also, it's physically impossible to be at a hockey game and the Zamboni hits the ice and not watch it. Change the texture of the ice every way it goes. You have to watch it.

[Jason May]

I can't look away.

[Ben Glebe]

I just love seeing it go from ice to different color of ice.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Okay. All right, so let's figure this out.

[Ben Glebe]

It's like watching the screensaver on your dvd.

[Adam Carolla]

Go around it hits the corner. The Zamboni invented in 1950. 1949 in California. It's a weird place. Invented ice resurfacer. But that sucks. All right. The Jacuzzi. Okay, so there is 68. It seems a little late for a Jacuzzi.

[Dawson]

They were developing the water pumps, though, in 48. So right around the same time that.

[Adam Carolla]

They'Re saying Zamboni and Jacuzzi are only. They're 19 years apart. Right. And they're both adults. They had to show up at a cocktail party.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah.

[Jason May]

They're contemporaries.

[Adam Carolla]

Where did Zamboni. Zamboni lived in California. Now, if Jacuzzi lived on the east coast, that's. It's. California feels very Jacuzzi.

[Jason May]

But I'm saying these guys are jet setters. Jacuzzi, they're buddy.

[Adam Carolla]

That.

[Jason May]

That's a buddy comedy if I ever heard one.

[Ben Glebe]

Or it's a law firm here at the law firm of Jacuzzi and Zamboni.

[Adam Carolla]

Jacuzzi is headquarters.

[Ben Glebe]

If you slip on the ice, you drown in a hot tub.

[Dawson]

You see us in Irvine, California.

[Adam Carolla]

Jacuzzi is.

[Ben Glebe]

Wow. California boys. All right.

[Adam Carolla]

And where Zamboni and Jacuzzi knew each other 100%. There's no out about.

[Dawson]

Was developed in Paramount, California.

[Ben Glebe]

I'm astounded. Nobody sat in hot water before 68. There was no jets in a hot water. I think 68.

[Unknown]

I think hot tubs existed. But Jacuzzis are like Xerox machines, you know, it's like a type. It's like a brand standard. Oh, and they're so good that they became.

[Ben Glebe]

That's interesting.

[Adam Carolla]

Ubiquitous.

[Unknown]

Ubiquitous.

[Adam Carolla]

The title. Find a picture of Zamboni and Jacuzzi together, like from 74. Because I. They. They had to have Hobnobbed. They're both rich and powerful Italian men.

[Ben Glebe]

Even if they didn't hobnob, they're definitely. I'm sure they exist. They were wearing suits with the collars out. They were, like, really, like, socialites.

[Jason May]

They were made about that. Their mothers went to church together for sure.

[Ben Glebe]

Hey, Phil Zamboni.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, Bob.

[Ben Glebe]

Jacuzzi.

[Adam Carolla]

How are you?

[Ben Glebe]

Hey, it's great to see you. Hey, Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

Listen, I. I know I missed your kid's wedding. It's a little something for Troy.

[Ben Glebe]

Here's a little coupon for 50 off some bubblers, huh?

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, how's that frozen lake treating you? It's good. It looks like it'd be a little smoother.

[Ben Glebe]

You know, the ice in this cocktail reminds me of a great day in my life. Here he goes again.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, wait, I'm Jacuzzi or Sampone right now.

[Ben Glebe]

I don't know. I became Zamboni.

[Adam Carolla]

Are they both. They both got to be a talent show. Your dad would know this.

[Unknown]

I can do you one better. They've put a Jacuzzi in a Zamboni.

[Adam Carolla]

Zamboni. Jacuzzi. Oh, no. Do you know my number one invention that I think would conquer the world?

[Ben Glebe]

What's that?

[Adam Carolla]

The Fonduzi filled with melted cheese. Yeah. That'd be the hit of every party.

[Ben Glebe]

Using it while you use it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Just you hold chips, you get like, a pillowcase worth it.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You get a raft filled with chips.

[Ben Glebe]

Okay, that's great.

[Adam Carolla]

Your fart takes 10 minutes to come to the service, and only when it.

[Ben Glebe]

Bubbles do you know it's time to get out.

[Adam Carolla]

It's time to get out.

[Ben Glebe]

Absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

The raft of taco chips would float by. You just grab a little in there.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah. A little dick flavored chips.

[Adam Carolla]

Little jalapeno dinghies, you know, just sort of being pulled by the big raft.

[Ben Glebe]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

They made a Zamboni. A Jacuzzi Zamboni.

[Ben Glebe]

I love it.

[Jason May]

I'm loving it now.

[Ben Glebe]

It's the dream job, Adam.

[Adam Carolla]

Now you're back to your.

[Ben Glebe]

If you had the wand now, you would take it.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm back to the dream. All right, let's take a break, and then we're gonna do some news right after this.

[Dawson]

Adam Carolla comes Clean, now [e-mail].

[Adam Carolla]

I think the problem with Olympic fencing is the outfits. They dress like X ray technicians with a spaghetti colander on their head. They should be forced to wear the outfits of their country swordsmen from back in the day. Right. France would have a musketeer Japan would have a samurai. United States, a homeless guy with a machete. He's got a load in his sweatpants.

[Dawson]

Subscribe to Angel.com Adam to get exclusive access to the full dry bar comedy special. Adam Corolla comes clean.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, simply safe Right now that's the best time of the year to get some home security. Simplisafe, well, they're extending their Black Friday deal only for my listeners. Last chance to protect your home at Simplisafe's lowest prices of the year. We all use Simplisafe here. We've used them for years. Over a decade they've been a sponsor. It's great because everything is modular. So if you move you can pick up your system and leave and take it with you. That's simply safe. They have active guard Outdoor protection changes the game by preventing crime before it happens. That's right. Let's not find the person in your house, let's find them outside your house. If someone's lurking around acting suspicious, agents see them in real time, talk to them directly, set off the spotlight, even call the police. No long term contracts and no big time fees. It's about a buck a day for the Simplisafe protection. It's simply safe. Right, Dawson?

[Dawson]

Simplisafe is extending its massive Black Friday deal for our listeners this week. Only take 50% off any new system with a select professional monitoring plan. This is your last chance to claim their best offer of the year. Head to SimpliSafe.com Adam to claim your discount and make sure your home is safe this season. Don't wait. This offer won't last long. Keep your home, your family and your peace of mind. Protection with Simplisafe, there's no safe like Simplisafe.

[Adam Carolla]

Shopify. Businesses that sell through the roof, like Allbirds or Skims, you've heard of them, they have a great product and brand and marketing as well. But the businesses behind the business makes selling simple. And for millions of businesses, that business is Shopify. Nobody does Selling better. Home of the number one checkout on the planet and the not so secret secret shop pay boost. Conversions up to 50%. Way less. Carts go abandoned meaning way more sales. So if you want to grow your business, your platform has to sell wherever your customers are scrolling or strolling the web, your store, their feedback everywhere in between. That's where Shopify comes in. Businesses that sell more sell on Shopify. Right, Dawson?

[Dawson]

Upgrade your business and get the same checkout we use. Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at shopify.com corolla all lowercase go to shopify.com corolla to upgrade your selling today. Shopify.com corolla hey, it's Adam Corolla from.

[Adam Carolla]

The Adam Carolla Show. Betonline is the world's most trusted betting platform and your number one source for from the earliest odds to in game live betting, Betonline provides you with all the action and the ability to watch and bet on games as they happen. With the largest selection of odds on everything from football, NBA, college basketball as well, BetOnline has NHL, MMA and championship boxing, all your betting needs in one place. Head to Betonline today to get in on the action with America's most trusted site for online wagering. So have some fun. Make these games and these events and these combat sports a little more interesting with Betonline. Betonline, the game starts here.

[Ben Glebe]

So it's important. It's good to analyze your life analysis, but don't overdo it. Don't worry about it too much. If analysis were that important, it wouldn't be made up of the words anal and Isis.

[Dawson]

Ben Gleb is on the Adam Carolla Show.

[Adam Carolla]

Ben's got a special, the Mad King's available on YouTube where we find finer podcasts as well. All right, Mayhem, you got some news.

[Jason May]

Got some news. First up in celebrity news, Kristin Cavallari. Kristin Cavallari.

[Ben Glebe]

I think it's calamari.

[Jason May]

Yeah, that felt like it is. I think it's Yellowstone star Kevin Costner and admits he's her forever crush.

[Adam Carolla]

He is her forever. She loves.

[Ben Glebe]

He would be so lucky.

[Adam Carolla]

You like her?

[Ben Glebe]

I love her.

[Adam Carolla]

What do you like about her?

[Ben Glebe]

I just think she's beautiful. I'm a brunette guy usually don't like blondes, but she's something about her. Beautiful, Great face, great body, great vibe, classy, stylish.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah.

[Jason May]

I find her very annoying.

[Ben Glebe]

Really?

[Jason May]

Rating.

[Ben Glebe]

I mean, I shouldn't even be saying that because she dated my friend, but really grading.

[Jason May]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Who'd she date that, you know?

[Ben Glebe]

Jeff Dye?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, Jeff Dye. Yeah. He has feelings about that relationship.

[Ben Glebe]

I think he does. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I may have a couple.

[Ben Glebe]

Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

I may have heard some.

[Ben Glebe]

Yep. I should have never said this, but she's very attractive, I think.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, well, we're gonna hear her. She. Oh, oh, oh. Something's on the screen. That's why I thought there was a clip or something.

[Unknown]

This was her responding. She responded in texts on her Instagram story. Give him my number. Forever crush.

[Ben Glebe]

And even that picture is hot. That she did it on top of. She's, like, laying in bed with, like, sweats with her legs half crossed, ready for Kevin Costner to walk in this room. And Tatanka. You know what I mean? Tatanka.

[Adam Carolla]

Does. Yeah. I like to think Costner is above this.

[Ben Glebe]

Oh, no doubt.

[Adam Carolla]

But I don't know.

[Ben Glebe]

He's also 80 and she's 30.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but he looks.

[Ben Glebe]

He looks good.

[Adam Carolla]

He looks good. He just made me a video.

[Ben Glebe]

He did?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Ben Glebe]

What do you mean? Just for no reason, I told him.

[Adam Carolla]

He'S 69 years of age. The guys.

[Ben Glebe]

You told him he was 69?

[Jason May]

No, wait, who's 69?

[Adam Carolla]

Costner. 69. Sorry. The guys from Dry Bar. Which, by the way, my special is available at drybar now, but you subscribe. Would have to subscribe, but Shelby released for free on YouTube coming up shortly. So people are aware of that.

[Ben Glebe]

As soon as Shelby does it.

[Adam Carolla]

The guys went. The guys from Angel Studios went and had some sort of meeting with Costner, and he. And they asked him to say hi to me or he said hi or something. It's kind of the only celebrity friend I have that Jimmy's a celebrity, but I knew him before he was a celebrity, so Costner was always a celebrity before I got into show business. So he may be. I mean, what movie do you love.

[Ben Glebe]

Him from is Dances With Wolves? Or is it all of his 19 sports movies?

[Jason May]

The bicycle movie.

[Ben Glebe]

The bicycle movie.

[Adam Carolla]

American Flyer?

[Ben Glebe]

I don't know that one.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, come on.

[Jason May]

Sweet mustache.

[Adam Carolla]

Sweet mustache.

[Ben Glebe]

By the way, I'm sorry that I couldn't come to the Christmas party. That's a great party. I had a slightly even crazier event I was invited to beforehand that I had to. I could not say no to. That was an event with Oprah and Meghan Markle. I had to. Not Oprah. Oprah Winfrey. You've heard of that?

[Adam Carolla]

Oprah? Yeah, yeah. What was that?

[Ben Glebe]

It was a gala honoring Tyler Perry the Paley Center Honors. And I mostly just went because I heard there's, like, some rumors that maybe Meghan Markle and Prince Harry were on the. On the. On the outs. And I wanted to make. Got a chance to make my move.

[Jason May]

Get in there.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you know, they. You know, in terms of shooting your shot, you know, I mean, Kelsey did that with Taylor Swift, and. Yeah, worked out pretty good. Like, why not?

[Ben Glebe]

100%.

[Jason May]

Yeah. I heard they're on the outs, and I try to get with the prince myself.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, he tried to get with the prince.

[Ben Glebe]

He seems mayhem. And Harry, I like that.

[Jason May]

I know, it's hot.

[Adam Carolla]

He seems like a zero to me.

[Ben Glebe]

He's boring.

[Jason May]

I met him. Yeah, he's like a standard, you know, standard white guy. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So anyway, I like Costner. I'll tell you. Underrated Waterworld.

[Jason May]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Interesting. Kind of dynamic, innovative. Had some cool things, led to a.

[Ben Glebe]

Whole attraction at Universal.

[Adam Carolla]

Dennis Hopper, funny smokers on the Exxon Valdez. Guys, Lots of. Listen, anything. There's anytime there's stunts on jet skis. I mean, anytime guys are jumping jet skis, I'm in.

[Dawson]

And there was a part where they. Where Costner slaps little girl and says.

[Adam Carolla]

What are you doing?

[Dawson]

Or something. And I think it's Jack Black flying the plane. And he sees him slapper. And he goes, nice touch.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. Jack Black.

[Dawson]

It's a Jack Black looking guy.

[Adam Carolla]

It was a crazy guy flying that. Whatever. Yeah, the kite or whatever it is. Yeah. I'm gonna take a deep dive, pardon the pun, and go for Waterworld.

[Ben Glebe]

Okay. It's a good one.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a good one.

[Ben Glebe]

I would probably choose Bull Durham or For Love of the Game.

[Adam Carolla]

Yep, that's.

[Ben Glebe]

Or Field of Dreams. I mean, all of his baseball ones were the best.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't like movies where guys honor their dads.

[Ben Glebe]

Interesting.

[Adam Carolla]

It makes me angry.

[Ben Glebe]

Interesting. Is that all three of them? No, that's just Field of Dreams.

[Adam Carolla]

Field of Dreams.

[Ben Glebe]

You don't like Field of Dreams?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't like movies where the dads are honored.

[Ben Glebe]

You don't like a game of catch with your dad at the end?

[Adam Carolla]

It makes me angry.

[Ben Glebe]

Okay. All right.

[Adam Carolla]

My dad and I never had that moment.

[Ben Glebe]

I understand that.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Ben Glebe]

Now I also, with the Field of Dreams, it's possible now, but. Okay, you make your choices.

[Adam Carolla]

My dad wasn't possible when he was alive.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah, but the things are different. You get a lot of wisdom and like, you get a lot chiller when you're.

[Jason May]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

My dad's died a couple months ago. I haven't heard anything from him.

[Ben Glebe]

Really?

[Jason May]

That's cuz you haven't built the jazz club yet.

[Adam Carolla]

Jazz club? My dad could play the trumpet. I don't like. I don't. I hate dusty movies. Like that movie where the Rock played, whatever the black superhero was, Black Adam from Egypt or whatever. One big pile of dust. And like it was all shit falling down and poof. You know, everything was fucking dust. I wanted to take a fucking shower. Halfway into that movie I worked earthquake rehab. Did I mention that? Dust. It's fucking dust. Roto hammers into masonry. Dust. Dust. You know what? You'd have to do leaf blower.

[Ben Glebe]

You would need a leaf blower.

[Jason May]

Yeah, two of them.

[Adam Carolla]

You want to know worse than a leaf blower? When you would roto hammer, which is concrete drill into the foundation before you would fill the hole with epoxy and then put all thread in so you could bolt down the foundation.

[Ben Glebe]

You got to strengthen that cripple wall.

[Adam Carolla]

You had to fucking blow it out with air. You know what 100 year old footing foundation is when you're underneath a fucking building and you got to bring in compressed air. Like, are you using one of those.

[Ben Glebe]

Cans you use for your computer or is it like more leaf blower, industrial.

[Adam Carolla]

Strength, had compressors all over. On a construction site, you'd have like one, I don't know, 20 gallon compressor and then like five hoses all going off. And you'd be using nail guns and blowing out shit and stuff like that. But the earthquake rehab's the fucking worst. But dust, I don't like dust. But you know, I don't like movies that are dusty. But then that stupid Black Adam movies, all it was was dust.

[Jason May]

Dust. I think you were talking about Scorpion Kids.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I'm talking about. I won't see that one either. But Water World.

[Jason May]

Oh yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Zero dust.

[Ben Glebe]

They wish they had.

[Adam Carolla]

They wish they prayed for dust. There wasn't to be found. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, Field of Dreams, they had to drag the field once, so it got a little dusty. True, you know.

[Ben Glebe]

True. If only they had a Zamboni instead of the boys. Just scrape in the, the infield.

[Jason May]

You're right.

[Ben Glebe]

With that long thing, that weird mesh screen thing. I also like watching that though, because I always think they're gonna miss part of the dirt. And they don't really miss any dirt.

[Adam Carolla]

So anyway, she shooting her shot with Costner?

[Ben Glebe]

Yep.

[Jason May]

Yeah. Cause he just recently got divorced. She just broke up with this 24 year old TikTok boy.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you have that Costner video, Joe? Did we ever send that to you? No. Huh. Tim?

[Ben Glebe]

Mike, what did Costner say to you?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, he was talking about me trying to having to do a clean set for Drybar.

[Ben Glebe]

Oh, yeah. I was gonna ask, would you able to do a clean set for Drybar? Fuck no.

[Adam Carolla]

Tell August to send it to you. I think he has it. Yeah, I've said it once, I'll say it again. I looked at it as a challenge. You know, I don't. I disagree. When any, any professional comedian goes, I could never do it. You could do it. You're gonna have to get into your Material. But I am telling you, people do not dismiss it by saying it's the verbiage. It's the shits and the fucks. It's not that. It's the themes. It's the stuff you're talking about. That's no fly where you wouldn't get. You don't get to do that idea. You can take any joke and clean it up for sure, but you can't take an idea for a joke to.

[Ben Glebe]

Clean it up that they wouldn't let you do.

[Adam Carolla]

Every.

[Ben Glebe]

Everyone.

[Adam Carolla]

Most of my material is, like, fucking. You know, I shouldn't say most, but I'd say a fair degree of material is like. Like, themed. Badly.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah. I mean, those of you listening to this, Adam's face just running through his material right now just looked almost traumatized by his own material.

[Adam Carolla]

I've been traumatized. I mean, I'm trying to think how long to go into this, but there's a bit about. I found out that Gavin Newsom wanted his own alert for when black kids were missing because we have the Ebony Alert. He wanted to institute the Ebony Alert. We have the Amber Alert. But this is a true thing. He did do this. Wow. So anyway, the long and the short of the joke is the Amber Alert is basically for missing kids, but because Gavin Newsom's basically a racist, he wants the Ebony Alert for missing black kids. But I looked into it, which I did, and I was like, where are all these Amber Alerts? And you think it's a kid in a primered van going to Mexico? It's not. It's just dads who got screwed in a divorce hearing, a custody issue, wanting to spend a little more time with their kids. So it's really just dads wanting to spend more time with their kids. So as far as the Ebony Alert goes, we can rule them out. If a black kid goes missing, we gotta look now, because it's not dad trying to get an extra game of Parcheesia.

[Ben Glebe]

That's almost the reason why you do need an Ebony Alert.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. And so while there's no profanity whatsoever, I understand thematically, it's a harsh, racist, are too dark racist joke.

[Ben Glebe]

Well, a lot of people are policing material because I'm gonna, I think, gonna be doing an only fan set soon.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Ben Glebe]

They don't want you doing, like, anything offensive or political. I'm like, only fans.

[Adam Carolla]

What?

[Ben Glebe]

They want it to be just. It could be titillating, but it can't be. They don't want politics. They don't want. I'M like, are you sure there's like lines that there's lines here? Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah. I was. I was astounded.

[Adam Carolla]

How does that work?

[Ben Glebe]

I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

Where do you shoot it?

[Ben Glebe]

Ice House. I think is they do their tapings.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, OnlyFans does.

[Ben Glebe]

Oh. Because they have like non adult stuff now. OnlyFans TV or whatever.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Cause didn't Whitney Cummings do one?

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah, she did the Bert Kreischer roast and she did a stand up thing for that. Produced a show.

[Adam Carolla]

How'd that work? I don't.

[Ben Glebe]

I think it went well. I think it went really well. I think she's helping them establish a name in like non adult things.

[Adam Carolla]

Hmm.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah. I mean, I think she should have just done the adult stuff. It would have been even easier.

[Adam Carolla]

Whitney. Yeah, sure.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the way to make money.

[Ben Glebe]

Absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

Interesting.

[Ben Glebe]

All right, so the Only fans.

[Adam Carolla]

Only Fans tv. Oh, I didn't know they've had that.

[Ben Glebe]

I mean, I guess there's Whitney right there.

[Adam Carolla]

I guess everything is just. Eventually spreads out and just becomes mainstream.

[Ben Glebe]

Pun intended for OnlyFans.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jason May]

Gaping even.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. It's like everything starts as something and then just sort of becomes something else.

[Ben Glebe]

But what they said eBay started as a place to only sell and trade Pez dispensers.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah. And now it's just all things.

[Adam Carolla]

Amazon was the only place you could get a decent Zamboni back in the day. And now they sell everything.

[Ben Glebe]

Jet Skis in there.

[Jason May]

You can just do little pornhub was only jacuzzis.

[Ben Glebe]

That's right. And they made it still is largely.

[Adam Carolla]

The water world made it easy. All the bad guys just smoked. They were called smokers and they just smoked. Like he was onto something early anyway. All right, Mike sends that vid. Well, I'll show it to you, but keep going.

[Jason May]

All right. Netflix is walking back its generous paternal leave policy after too many workers take a full year off.

[Adam Carolla]

Who the fuck decided we had to wait till your kid was in high school before you came home? Like it's a new world order. I had twins. I missed one day of work and then I went back because I had a job and because there's nothing twins.

[Ben Glebe]

Could take care of each other.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, split it up. First off, there's nothing going on with a newborn. They just need somebody making sure mama doesn't get drunk and roll over on them and suffocate them. There's no bonding after they're born. They're cleaned up. They make everything we have replaced in a world where we basically got rid of religion. We replaced it with a bunch of superficial pussy shit that makes nothing. You have to bond with your kid. You have to. They don't even know. They don't know the fuck you are until they're like four and a half. There's no anything. There's no reason. I. I didn't even raise my kids after they were born. I had a fucking nanny and a night nurse. Some, you know, person that shouldn't have been in this country, raised these fucking kids.

[Ben Glebe]

That's probably better for the kids.

[Adam Carolla]

Better for the kids. For sure. I paid. I just paid. I just threw money at the problem. Yeah, I didn't do, you know, maybe two diapers. I fucking worked. I made a bunch of money and I'm not fucking. And also I got a morning radio job. I got to get up at 5, 4, 45 or whatever every morning. No, I'm not going in the room with the monitor going off and doing the diaper to 2:20 in the evening. I don't do. Why the fuck should I do that? I buy that. I bought the fucking house and everything else. Now I'm gonna take more of my money. I'll give it to the night nurse, she'll go and fucking sleep in that room with those kids and take care of them. That said it. I just got back from New York with my kids. They love me and they call me. Well, they called me Yolanda a few times, sure. But that was a little off putting.

[Ben Glebe]

And they also don't want to watch Field of Dreams with you?

[Adam Carolla]

No. They don't want to watch American Flyers? No, it's fine. They're fine. They're 18. We have a good time. Sure. They don't remember from when they were zygotes and I wasn't there.

[Ben Glebe]

Well, of course they don't remember. This is their first memories with you.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. How do you do? Yolanda, is it?

[Ben Glebe]

We're told you are mom or dad?

[Adam Carolla]

No, my son. My name is Bob Jacuzzi. Good to meet you. How about I freshen up that highball, all right? It's bullshit. And you certainly don't need to fucking. The dads don't need to fucking stay home for two months. The moms, if they're taking care of the kid, fucking stay home. Home and then get the fuck back to work. Pete Buttigieg staying home for like three months. He's appointed Secretary of Transportation. Ten minutes later he's like, I gotta go back to the condo and hang out with my fucking boyfriend who didn't even shit out this fucking kid. We paid a surrogate and I won't be working for three months. What the fuck is that?

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah, get the fuck back to work husband. I think but it is. It does bring up an existential question. If it's too Fathers should both get paternal leave at the most one you can't get double paternal leave.

[Adam Carolla]

Which one's that? Which one's the best?

[Ben Glebe]

You get one dad if there's not a mom there. I'm sorry. Yeah, well there's gotta be some lines in society.

[Jason May]

Yeah. This whole story like Netflix had a loose guidelines, you know and they say parents generally take four to eight months off for paternal leave. But what happened was it was very vague in the wording of the policy so everybody just took a year off and you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the other thing that people do is they'll just take full advantage of whatever the system is.

[Jason May]

That's what I'm saying. It's one of those why don't they.

[Ben Glebe]

Just make the rule more specific that's on they don't have to roll back the whole pro. They should have done it that you can take as much time off as you need or share your parenting with up to three other people if you give them your passport.

[Jason May]

The Family and Medical Leave act is applies to companies with at least 50 employees. Requires employees to offer up to 12 weeks of unpaid parental leave in some states. New York, New Jersey, Connecticut, Massachusetts, California, Colorado, Oregon, Rhode island and Washington D.C. are required to offer 12 weeks of paid parental leave.

[Adam Carolla]

Fucking three months of pay.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah, it's probably what the drones are in New Jersey. They're looking to see if people are indeed parenting or if they're just out on a zamboni having a great hot tub all time.

[Adam Carolla]

Bad stretch.

[Mayhem Miller]

Let's drink with sins but take you back. Grandma's place always smells like pine. She said get out the chat room and clean mine Stretch filling pine so fresh. The glad girl group coming at you with that throwback jam that was Glad Force Flex Drawstring trash bags featuring Pine Sol original scent and that's better than all good it's all GLAAD.

[Adam Carolla]

Confined reminded me cause Dawson sent me notes and made up joke about Pete Buttigieg. You can find that waters clip from last night. Maybe have it somewhere. But I made a gay joke about him. But you know what's kind of funny? What's interesting if you do enough shows is the host will react and laugh when the host knows that that was a spontaneous answer and not one that was chambered because they'll tell you, we're going to talk about this and we're going to talk about that, but then every once in a while they'll go somewhere else. And the thing that's kind of interesting anyway, the thing that was funny is the guy who ran the van, they show up in a big sprinter van to your house.

[Ben Glebe]

Oh, to do the hit from in front of your house. Mobile studio.

[Adam Carolla]

Mobile studio. They put it background. They put the earbud in the ear things. You can hear the feed.

[Ben Glebe]

There's no TV monitor, which is insane in these trucks. How do they not have a TV monitor? You can have it on your phone, logged on to Zoom. It's like, I'd much rather do it from my home from Zoom.

[Adam Carolla]

This is an interesting. This is interesting. I'm glad you brought this up, Ben. This guy, it was funny. This guy pulls up and I'm just cutting it close. I got home at 10 to 5 and my hit was at 5:20. So like cutting it close. And this guy, as I'm pulling in my driveway, I go, I'm just gonna go up. You don't have to change just to put a shirt on, a decent shirt on. He goes, he goes. He goes. He goes, that could be him. The guy goes, all right, see you at 2:20. And I go, no, not 220. He goes, oh yeah, yeah, 420. 4:20. And I go, no, it's 4:50 right, right now. And he goes, oh yeah, 5:20. I go, okay. That took a minute. Then I came back down. I was sitting in the seat and I realized he did something the second time that he didn't. The monitor needs to be. There is a monitor, but it needs the feed of the show so you can hear. You can see the guy talking and not talking. The monitor had me on it, right?

[Ben Glebe]

That's what they have, right?

[Adam Carolla]

And I go, the last time I had this guy, he did the monitor with me on the thing. The monitor, not the feed of the show. And it fucked the timing up a little because I couldn't see. And there's a two second delay. And this time it was like four minutes for the show was start before my hit. And I'm sitting there looking at myself and I go, new York, can we change the feed to the feed of the show? Not me. And then all of a sudden it changed like that. He did it from the front. This fucking guy was going to do that fuck up again. It's also weird about people. Like, what job do you have? And Then why would you do this?

[Ben Glebe]

People put in zero effort onto almost any job.

[Adam Carolla]

I grew. So when the thing was over, he goes, that Pete Buttigieg joke, that was a good one. You must have been sitting on that one for a while. And I said, no, no, no, there was no discussion. And I said, the reason Jesse laughed real hard is because we didn't have the discussion. And it was a decent, decent joke. I mean, one time, God, I remember one time I did O'Reilly a million years ago. And he goes, hey, Carolla, how's it over there in LA with. He said something like with your cocaine and your movie stars or something. And I said, well, first off, it's fentanyl and prostitutes. And he just laughed because he thought he was gonna fuck. And seeing me getting out of the thing now, it wasn't all that funny, but it was to him because he knew there was no prep to it. That's.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you gonna. You remember the Buttigieg joke?

[Adam Carolla]

It's there. I think we got the clip. You can watch, you can see. I don't know what we're gonna be talking about.

[Unknown]

We're going through the episode. Give us a moment.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, oh, okay. When you point into the thing, sir.

[Ben Glebe]

Also, when you're in this mobile truck, even when they do have the video feed of the show, it's better, but it's still a mind fuck because you're trying to be in the moment talking to somebody, but you're watching them on a two second delay. So it's like you're experiencing instant nostalgia of life that just happened and trying to time based on the past.

[Adam Carolla]

That'd be a good John Lennon song.

[Ben Glebe]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

Instant nostalgia.

[Ben Glebe]

Well, I think. Yeah, but I think that line. I might have a little bit been inspired there by Demetri Martin's old joke. He goes, I love, love smartphones because you get to experience nostalgia right away.

[Adam Carolla]

I like that Demetrius. Funny.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah, he's funny. He's a good man.

[Adam Carolla]

What are we doing with Oprah and Tyler Perry?

[Ben Glebe]

I was just invited to the $2,500 seats. My buddy just had four seats and invited me to this gala. And I thought I was gonna be like Hobnobbin with Ted Sarandos and Meghan Markle and Oprah and Tyler Perry. And they had security around all four of them.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Ben Glebe]

Even with $2,500 tickets, you couldn't get near these people.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Ben Glebe]

I was shocked. I did talk to Kerry Washington for a minute. She had no security, but everybody else, I Just couldn't. And I wasn't even trying to talk to Meghan Markle. I just wanted to go up to Ted Sarandos and say, my next special, I'm going to be pitching it to you guys soon. Please keep an eye out for it. And I couldn't. I couldn't. I was in an argument with the lady, the security lady. I walked up there, she's like, please. They said, nobody goes around here. And a friend, I just smiled at her. And a friend of mine got a photo of me smiling at the security lady with Meghan Markle in the background. And I posted it and just put my caption over the lady's badge. So you couldn't quite tell she was a security lady. And just looked like I was hobnobbing very close to Meghan Markle. In fact, I was almost being arrested.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Ben Glebe]

But I really hid that for social media.

[Adam Carolla]

They don't cordon it off or anything. They just have security guys kind of hanging around, boxing you out.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah. And they probably wouldn't have maybe even had them everywhere. Like they were at their table. They were fine. There was no security there probably, but they just stayed in this one area by the front of the red carpet where there was security. And they just talked there the whole time. But my table was in direct eye line of Meghan Markle. And there was one moment where I looked over like two tables back and she looked at me and kind of went one of these. She was like a little bit of a shy. Look away.

[Adam Carolla]

Come hither.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah, a little bit of a come hither. Or it could have been like, who is that? Why is he looking at me? Tell him to stop looking at me. One of those two for sure.

[Adam Carolla]

I sometimes will get the Go hither. Go over there and fucking hither.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah, go away hither.

[Adam Carolla]

Leave your fucking hither, puss and walk it outside of this building, please.

[Ben Glebe]

Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Stop hithering around here.

[Ben Glebe]

But instead, I just didn't talk to any of them. And then the girl that was assigned to be my date by my friend that invited us stole my vape at the end of the night and then walked away with my vape. So it was. It was disappointing night compared to what it could have been.

[Adam Carolla]

I think we have the clip here.

[Ben Glebe]

Thank God.

[Adam Carolla]

As far as I can tell, I don't think they're going to have any success with the old playbook. I think they're going to have to find some Fetterman style guy, you know, some guy or some girl that it's at Least authentic. Like, you may agree, you may disagree, but that's exactly who they are. You're probably right. That rules out Mayor Pete Buttigieg. Who? I don't know. If I was on a flight and he started handing me bags of planters, I don't know if I'm down with that. Well, if Buttigieg comes up behind me and offers me nuts, I am going to be scared for a moment. All right, I'm kicking you off this flight. Carolla, that's enough. You're gonna have to listen to his podcast from here. Yeah, he wouldn't have laughed that hard if he knew it was chamber already.

[Ben Glebe]

Also, nobody in the world knows, looking at that beautiful city backdrop behind you, that you're in a guy's van.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm in a guy's van, he's offering.

[Ben Glebe]

Candy, and they think you're in a beautiful LA TV studio.

[Adam Carolla]

He later took me to Mexico. We had a Amber Alert type situation. It was zip ties and duct tape and Tijuana was bust and I was abducted. Yeah.

[Ben Glebe]

Best day of your life.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. But I got him to put ESPN on the monitor finally. So I had some.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah, he shoots, he scores.

[Adam Carolla]

You sit in a van, they have a. You sit on a little bolted down stool.

[Ben Glebe]

Uncomfortable.

[Adam Carolla]

Yep. And they hook you up. They always ask you what year you want the monitor in. You know, the feedback thing. I'm always like, I don't know, whatever you like. And then they put the mic on you. Yeah.

[Ben Glebe]

And then I'm always also astounded when it's television. And they don't make any effort to adjust. They want you to come early for sound check and video check. And they're always like, can you say a word?

[Adam Carolla]

Hello?

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah, we're good. Thank you. Like, they don't adjust. Can you look this way? You're shiny. Talk louder. They don't care.

[Adam Carolla]

They don't care. And every once in a while, they get you to do even more work where they have you hold up the white balance card. Where you go, can you hold up the white balance? You hold this thing like you're like an inmate in a penitentiary. You know, you just hold this thing up and they go like. They dial in the white whatever, and.

[Ben Glebe]

There'S Photoshop numbers on there.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. And they get rid of the badge. All right, one more. Mayhem.

[Jason May]

All right, well, go with this. Luigi Mangione's grandmother left his family members millions, so long as they didn't commit crimes.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. All you had to do is not shoot a CEO in the back in Manhattan, you could have just lived in Maui for the rest of your life.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah, really good lives.

[Adam Carolla]

God.

[Jason May]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

It's my protagonist, he was a rich guy who wasn't even insured by that company. Right?

[Jason May]

Yeah, that's apparently the situation. I think he just got kind of indoctrinated by a lot of books that he read and very angry at the system as a total and decided to make himself the vigilante that, you know, showcased the.

[Ben Glebe]

I mean, health. The healthcare system is super broken. Doesn't mean you should murder people. But it is. But they don't have in all the coverage. They're like, it's completely. They took a lot. He took a life. But these health care companies are taking like thousands and thousands of lives and nobody cares.

[Jason May]

It's easy to see both sides of it if you, if you look into it because yeah, this healthcare executive was, you know, responsible for a lot of people getting denied care. And, you know, this guy fashions himself a Robin Hood type figure to take from the rich.

[Adam Carolla]

He's a fucking nut. You should kill yourself. When you plan assassinations, make you your first target. That's what I would like to put on one of those electronic freeway signs. If you are going click it or tick it, you're going to do. Yeah. If you're doing a murder suicide. Suicide. Let's start with suicide and maybe we'll get around to the murder.

[Ben Glebe]

Make it suicide murder. You really cut down the murder rate.

[Adam Carolla]

I think they should call it suicide murder to stop right now. They go, murder suicide and we got a dead wife over here.

[Ben Glebe]

People are stupid. They'd probably fall for the order switch.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they go, oh, what is it?

[Ben Glebe]

Switcheroo. It's classic.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it'd be like rabbit season, duck season with Bugs Bunny and Daffy. Was that.

[Jason May]

Damn.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They. You just switching them, you go, you're not planning on doing a suicide murder.

[Ben Glebe]

Mind if I see that gun there, boss?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. What did you say? It's murder, suicide, murder. Oh yeah, okay.

[Ben Glebe]

That's a good idea.

[Adam Carolla]

So kill myself then I'm going to kill my wife when she gets back from work. Yeah, yeah, Yep. Yeah. It's called.

[Ben Glebe]

That's a good or good plan switch.

[Adam Carolla]

I like the script.

[Ben Glebe]

The old switcheroo. I like that. Also with the freeway electronic signs, you know, even in this modern day of all sorts of substances, they still say don't drink and drive on those signs. It feels like it's implicit permission to drive high.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Ben Glebe]

They don't even want to mention it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I have seen some PSAs where there's, like, an actor explaining not to drive high. I've seen a couple.

[Ben Glebe]

I like that the message really sunk in deep for you, though.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Well, I was pretty basic when I saw it. And I was trying to operate that big rig and I was watching my phone so I didn't see the whole thing. There's a don't drive high PSA that is done by an actor where they think it's real cute, where the guy's acting for the first five seconds and then he breaks down the fourth wall and starts walking toward the camera going, I'm an actor. Which I always go, oh, you're such a fucking hero, admitting you're an actor. And he's. He's real serious about. But the thing that's kind of funny about it is they don't say, don't smoke pot. They just go, don't smoke pot and drive. They're not trying to convince you. Long are the days we're trying to convince people not to smoke pot at all. It's like, you're smoking pot. Just don't operate a dirigible.

[Ben Glebe]

Right. Listen, I'm an actor. We're all doing meth. When you do meth, what we wanna make sure you don't do is also fly an airplane.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Ben Glebe]

That's all we ask.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know what it would be called. Anti pot.

[Ben Glebe]

What would it be called?

[Adam Carolla]

This PSA I saw. I've seen it on TV quite a few times. That guy who's an actor telling you not to say it.

[Ben Glebe]

I remember. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And saying, he's an actor.

[Ben Glebe]

Listen, I'm an actor.

[Adam Carolla]

A far cry from this is your brain on drugs? You know what I mean? Because now.

[Ben Glebe]

But also, that didn't work because everybody loves eggs.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Ben Glebe]

That's true. Everybody loves eggs. Who doesn't want to be eggs? I'd love to be eggs.

[Adam Carolla]

Where is eggs?

[Ben Glebe]

I love eggs so much. The whole election is based on egg prices.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm an actor in an ad. I was given 12 seconds to remind you that if you're high, just don't drive. Cause if you feel different, you drive different. It's illegal to drive high everywhere. Anyway, this commercial got an Emmy for best.

[Ben Glebe]

What a premise.

[Adam Carolla]

Best Dolly work.

[Jason May]

Well, I thought it was best band.

[Adam Carolla]

Bunny, but that's some Dolly work they had to pull. Some guy was pulling that camera, rolling.

[Ben Glebe]

It was beautifully shot. But the premise of this ad, they thought, we have 15 seconds. Instead of just telling people not to drive high. We're gonna have an unknown actor.

[Jason May]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ben Glebe]

Acting as though he's out of the park, standing in a party. And people are gonna be much more effective at this guy. An out of work actor doesn't think I should drive high.

[Adam Carolla]

Also, if you are high and you're watching that, then you assume later on when you turn it on, Friends or any other show, that someone, Jennifer Anson, is going to break down the fourth wall and start talking to you through the totally unrealistic and unfair expectation of a fourth wall broken down. Let's watch it one more time.

[Ben Glebe]

It's fascinating.

[Jason May]

All 12 seconds.

[Adam Carolla]

I also like the guys who got the. I don't know, they had to Taft Hartley them or something, but they got the non speaking role in this. This 15 second. Yeah. Smoking at a party, drinking at a party. I was given 12 seconds to remind you that if you're high, just don't drive, because if you feel different, you drive different. It's illegal to drive high everywhere anyway.

[Jason May]

Oh, thanks, bud.

[Ben Glebe]

He gives the extra reason at the end. You shouldn't do it. And also, it's illegal. But also, as far as an actor, he has just 15 seconds of acting in this commercial because I hate to break this to you, but even after he breaks down the fourth wall, he's still acting. He's still an actor in this commercial. He doesn't become a real.

[Adam Carolla]

What do you think about the choice?

[Ben Glebe]

He doesn't look at his watch. He has one physical thing to do in the commercial, and he goes, I'm giving 12 seconds. And never breaks eye contact with the camera. He fakes the watch. Look, this guy has no future.

[Jason May]

And all this was inside the sprinter van?

[Ben Glebe]

That's correct.

[Adam Carolla]

What do you think of the choices from a directorial standpoint, of the extras looking at him when he walked away?

[Jason May]

No, no, they didn't break character. They were all.

[Adam Carolla]

No, they were looking. They were looking.

[Jason May]

They were looking at him like, why is he breaking character?

[Adam Carolla]

Why is he walking into the entry hall and talking to someone who's not here?

[Jason May]

They're hiding.

[Adam Carolla]

No, they didn't. They broke. They stopped.

[Ben Glebe]

I want to see it again.

[Jason May]

Yeah, I do. I want to run it back.

[Ben Glebe]

I like, watch the watch, too.

[Adam Carolla]

Make sure you look at seconds.

[Ben Glebe]

Oh, he kind of glances, but doesn't really process.

[Jason May]

The guy with the beer.

[Adam Carolla]

Now they're all looking. Drive different. It's illegal to drive high everywhere anyway.

[Jason May]

Do we get back to the theme?

[Adam Carolla]

They stopped acting. Mayhem and we're looking at him. I. That's a choice. I would have kept them in that party.

[Jason May]

Yeah, me too.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah, me too.

[Adam Carolla]

And then. And then had, like, a date rape situation. Go on. On the sofa.

[Ben Glebe]

You want a double ad?

[Adam Carolla]

A double psa.

[Ben Glebe]

Double PSA party back there. There's people that are able to consent fully.

[Adam Carolla]

There's also a grip that has to get cued to, like, walk. And we see their back. They must have cued that guy.

[Ben Glebe]

And also support the unions. They could have thrown a couple more causes into this ad. Yeah, striking IATSI members.

[Adam Carolla]

Exactly. All right, let's take a break.

[Ben Glebe]

Plus, the apple watch is now available on sale. Tells you how many seconds you got. We've got 12 to tell people not to drive drunk anyway.

[Adam Carolla]

And we'll do a little more right after this. All right, New Year's resolution. Vow to eat healthier. But what about your beloved pets and their nutrition? Yeah, you're doing better. But they're getting a bunch of dried up old kibble. Dr. Dennis Black created rough greens and meow greens to bring their dead food back to life with live vitamins and minerals, probiotics, enzymes, omega oils, antioxidants, and more. See, pet food is dead food. And eat dead food. Soon enough you're gonna join it. You need to bring it to life all by the way in a tasty formula your dog or cat will love. It'll improve their coat, digestion, energy, and mean less vet bills. I've been doing this with Phil, holding a sack right now. Vitasmart. You don't have to buy food and keep it in the refrigerator. You just sprinkle this on top of the food you're currently serving your dog or your cat. Get a Jumpstart trial bag. It's normally 20 bucks. It's free. With the promo code Adam, you just cover shipping. It's a free Jumpstart trial bag. That's it. Just go to ruffgreens.com, use the code ADAM. Try it out for free. Your dog's going to love it. And you'll notice the difference quickly in your dog's vigor and health. Ruffed greens. So good, your pet will ask for it by name.

[Mayhem Miller]

Pluto TV is a place for movie fans like me and TV fans like me. They've got something for everyone, and it's free.

[Adam Carolla]

I love free.

[Ben Glebe]

And I love Jersey Shore.

[Mayhem Miller]

For me, me, it's the Godfather, SpongeBob SquarePants.

[Adam Carolla]

I am Patrick. Patrick is me.

[Mayhem Miller]

Oh, Forrest Gump. Come on. Criminal minds, solving crime after bedtime, whatever you love to watch. Pluto TV makes it easy with thousands of free movies and shows Pluto TV.

[Adam Carolla]

Stream now pay never. Oh oh, oh. Riley Auto Parts O'Reilly Auto Parts is in the business of keeping your car on the road. They offer friendly, helpful service and parts and knowledge that you're going to need to maintain and do the repairs yourself. I've always used O'Reilly. I used to hit the one up on Foothill when I was in La Crescento renting a house, keeping that Isuzu Trooper on the road. And they got thousands of parts and accessories in stock either in their store or online. So you have. Well, you don't have to worry. If you're in a jam, you can go online and get your stuff. You can go into a store and get your stuff. The team at O'Reilly Auto Parts can test your battery for free in or out of your car, which is nice because sometimes it's tough to get those babies out of the car. Need your windshield wipers replaced, Brake light fixed or a quick service? Well, they'll help you find the right part or point you to the nearest local repair shop as well. Well, get help there. Whether you're a car aficionado or an auto novice, you're going to find the employees at O'Reilly Auto Parts are knowledgeable, helpful and best of all, they're friendly. The professional parts people at O'Reilly O'Reilly Auto Parts one stop shop for everything, especially if you're a do it yourselfer for your car in store online, you can stop by O'Reilly Auto Parts and do it today or Visit us online. O'reillyauto.com Adam that's o'reillyauto.com Adam as the leading senior living provider in the US with 40 plus years of experience, we understand the complex needs of seniors at Brookdale. Our associates help address clinical needs and our communities help reduce social isolation with programs tailored to help manage chronic conditions and improve overall health and quality of life. Life we know your patients might feel unsure. It's a big decision. Brookdale Senior Living could be the perfect fit, offering a sense of community that feels like home. Let us help. Visit brookdale.com to learn more.

[Mayhem Miller]

Grandma's place always smells like pine, she said. Get out the chat room and clean my the Glad girl group coming at you with that throwback jam that was Glad Force Flex Drawstring trash bags featuring Pine Sol original scent. And that's better than all good. It's all glad.

[Dawson]

It's time to check Adam's voicemail. Ace man, enough of these lame pizza toppings.

[Adam Carolla]

So heavy duty sauerkraut Canadian bacon.

[Dawson]

Get it on. You can leave us a message at 888-634-1744.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, no, no. What's on your pizza, fan? And what's on your hot dog?

[Ben Glebe]

So definitely not sauerkraut on the pizza. Last time I was here I mentioned to you something. You seemed open to trying. I almost. If I had more time, I would have stopped and got you one cheese pizza with banana slices. I don't do it a lot, but it's enjoyable.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Ben Glebe]

And you seemed against it. Maybe.

[Jason May]

You know what, I'm totally against it. But I'm willing to try.

[Ben Glebe]

I appreciate your open mindedness on my hot dog. There's just two different versions. You gotta go. You either go the traditional. I like mustard, ketchup, relish and onions. You need the onions to get rid of it. The relish is too strong.

[Adam Carolla]

Otherwise gotta have the onions.

[Ben Glebe]

Or I just go mustard and sauerkraut.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, those are all good. I'll probably back the ketchup out, but I'm not a big pro. I don't have a big problem with ketchup if we have relish, if we go, everything if we just go works. Full works. That's fine.

[Ben Glebe]

I don't mind. Maybe a jalapeno on the sauerkraut one too. Couple jalapenos.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so I don't know if you guys caught it, but the Duke lacrosse accuser, girl, you have it in your store there.

[Ben Glebe]

It was proven untrue in the end.

[Adam Carolla]

Of the thing, right? They knew it was untrue at the time. That guy, Mike Nifung, the DA ended up.

[Jason May]

Yeah, the DA was trying to get reelected, I guess, and that's how this all happened. Crystal Magnum, a former exotic dancer, was hired to perform at the party hosted by Duke lacrosse players and accused three of them of rape nearly 20 years ago.

[Adam Carolla]

Now you gotta understand, the DA knows these guys aren't guilty and are going to completely destroy their 19 year old lives and put them in prison for decades. Cuz he's trying to get reelected. Which is scary that these people in these kinds of numbers exist out there. Like it's crazy how many of those people are in position of authority, but really she's apologizing or whatever.

[Jason May]

Well, actually she's been. Yeah, she's been found guilty.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, she murdered somebody.

[Jason May]

Second degree murder for fatally stabbing her boyfriend in 2011. I mean, yeah, 2011. And then she admitted on a podcast last week, I guess from jail, that she was not raped.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but the real culprits Here are all the race hustling news outlets that grabbed this story and just fucking ran with it and blew it up and turned it into another fucking race hoax.

[Ben Glebe]

Was it a race issue?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jason May]

Three white guys, black, straight.

[Ben Glebe]

Oh yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All the fucking bitches on TV that just hustled this thing into another race story. Those are the real culprits here, the race hustlers.

[Jason May]

But it's also the DA because DA's do this, this is the thing when they have a high profile case they latch onto it super hard even if it's very weak case like this one was obviously and try to get reelected off of this because it's going to put your name up into the spotlight. So the charges were dropped afterwards and they did ruin these guys life.

[Adam Carolla]

But like how about some fucking due process? Like the coach got fired, everyone had to quit. The athletic director like quit the the and there's right at the beginning all the wokeism shit. The, you know, the chancellor from the school had to like apologize. The black community at the school was saying we don't feel safe. And like all this shit they just hustled. They all they did was create more illusions of a racist society once again. And that part there's no apology and it'll never go away. That's just everyone being agitated thinking that we live in a society that we don't live in or Jussie Smollett or whoever, whatever. The fucking hustle. There's more race hoaxes now than there are actual racism events in this country. It's fucking nuts. And it's the news outlets fault because they could. You're journalists and you're a news outlet. You could look into things.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah, because I mean this Duke rape one was. The accusation was clearly false back in the day because I remember the news didn't look into it. But I was touring. I was co headlining a tour with Bert Kreischer back in the day and he with me and Eddie Ift and Bert Kreischer. And Bert was so certain I wasn't really following the case and they were certain it was a false accusation. On stage with all of our shirts off that Bert insisted on. He got a broom and had us mark out on stage the size of the bathroom and then prove that you couldn't do what was accused of it. And I mean as a stand up bit questionable but he made the point.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Ben Glebe]

Very well. But yet the news couldn't figure it out. He needed Bert Kreischer to figure it out.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Jason May]

Ha ha, funny.

[Ben Glebe]

I mean, it was interesting, but it wasn't like his clothes. It wasn't a great clip closer.

[Adam Carolla]

No, but the news doesn't want to figure it out. That's the whole point. They want to throw fuel on the fire.

[Ben Glebe]

Right. And also, who am I to judge Bert Kreischer's closers? He has done pretty good in stand up, I'd say.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh yeah, he can afford as many brooms as he wants now. He could four brooms.

[Ben Glebe]

He could replace air leaf blowers with just actual brooms, which is what they should all do.

[Adam Carolla]

Agreed.

[Jason May]

Interesting side note on those guys. It doesn't say it in this story. And they, the guy, the Duke lacrosse players reached an undisclosed settlement after the charges were dropped. So the city of Durham paid these guys like somewhere I read, millions of dollars because of this thing. So it may have ruined their life in the short term, but gate made them very rich in the long term.

[Ben Glebe]

I would want the amount to be disclosed after your life gets ruined to that degree. I would want people to know. But at least Now I got $100 million.

[Jason May]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

I did a bit right in the middle of all this stuff on Kimmel's show where I was doing like a movie trailer and I played an army high ranking office. And I remember saying to Jimmy, he didn't know. I go, oh, my character, I play Colonel Duke Lacrosse. And the whole audience started booing. And the audience was like, what the fuck did he just say? Right in the middle of this rape thing? I was like, colonel Duke Lacrosse. Like, that's a great, good name.

[Jason May]

That's a good fuck.

[Adam Carolla]

Colonel. You wouldn't fuck with Colonel Duke Lacrosse. Like he plays by his own rules. And the audience was like, oh, no. It was like four days after this thing blew up.

[Ben Glebe]

That was when Kimmel officially stopped having co hosts for the week.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. But I stand by the name as a killer name. Great name for a movie trailer. If you play Colonel Duke Lacrosse, you know what Colonel Duke lacrosse had to do? He had to go into hell. He had to volunteer to go to hell. Okay. There was a mad person who was terrorizing the world. Basically the second coming of Hitler. Some monks had found a porthole to hell that opened and closed like once every 500 years or something. Colonel Duke Lacrosse volunteered to go to hell to find Hitler and have him tell me how to stop this guy. And I think it was called the Hell and Back or something.

[Ben Glebe]

This was a sketch on Jimmy Kimmel Live.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Ben Glebe]

Interesting.

[Adam Carolla]

And it was a weird scene because I did the Whole sketch. And my character was naked the entire time. And oh, my God, I'd come back to the couch, the sofa, and Jimmy's like, why were you naked? I was like, well, in hell, when you go through the porthole hole to hell, you can't have any physical belongings and materials or anything.

[Ben Glebe]

And he was like, an mri.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. He's like, but Hitler was dressed like Hitler. And I was like, oh, yeah. I didn't really think about that. It's the only nude guy in hell.

[Ben Glebe]

You can get redressed once you go.

[Adam Carolla]

You can go to. Yeah, you can go to Taylor.

[Ben Glebe]

They have a Marshalls down there.

[Jason May]

Yeah, most Taylors are gay. They're down there.

[Adam Carolla]

They probably have a big and tall place in hell. Yeah, you know, Good one. Yeah, that's right.

[Ben Glebe]

Absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Ben Glebe]

Even all they have is a big and tall place. Yeah, it sucks for the little guys.

[Adam Carolla]

I wonder. It must be. It must be depressing giving directions in hell. Like, you go, where's the big and tall place? You know, the eternally burning lake? It's right there.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, if you get to the lake, you're there. You're at the big and tall place.

[Jason May]

Is Hitler in an oversized suit. Point.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Hitler.

[Ben Glebe]

But he looks like the cute boy at the end of big than the oversized suit when he goes back to being small.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Ben Glebe]

Which really is like the most adorable form of Hitler. Now that there should be an adorable form. If you had to choose, I'd be less afraid of like, baby Hitler did.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I don't know. I don't know if that thing exists online.

[Ben Glebe]

You know, baby Hitler, if he had two wishes in the Zoltar machine, what that second wish would be. You can't give him that second wish.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. What do you think's going on? You know, all things Middle East. What's going on with your brethren over there, what's happening?

[Ben Glebe]

I mean, it's, you know, it's very new complications every day now with Syria falling. Assad's gone. Israel's taken a mountaintop that has a purge into Israel to protect itself from, you know, further terrorist attacks. And now they can get intelligence into Syria.

[Adam Carolla]

Countries should have have to do that, Ben.

[Ben Glebe]

I know, I know.

[Adam Carolla]

You should not have to do that.

[Ben Glebe]

We should just make it into a free zone where you can just lob stuff over. Yeah, you're right. You're right. I take it back.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I shouldn't have to do that.

[Ben Glebe]

I take that all back.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Ben Glebe]

But also, you know, no advancements in the hostage negotiations and in A ceasefire. You know, it's not anywhere close to an actual ceasefire when literally Kirby at the State Department says, look, we're closer now than we have been since the first deal. Nothing's on the table. And we don't. I don't think one is about to happen, but we're close. There's the chance Hamas now has considered thinking about maybe talking about considering a deal. So we're there.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I would assume. There's nothing Kirby says and nothing that Biden. There's nothing that comes out of the White House where I would remotely think for a second that that's what was happening. It could be drones. It could be peace. It could be a peace deal with Hamas and Israel. It could be. I would assume every single thing they're saying is a lie about all the time.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Which is a weird. It's a weird way to go through life as a citizen.

[Ben Glebe]

I think that's true probably for a lot of the administration. I think for Biden himself, maybe it's closer to the truth because he doesn't have the ability to, like, I don't think at the current time, like, maintain multiple narratives.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Ben Glebe]

I think he's just kind of saying, like, also, why does Biden think he's a stand up comedian or something? Like, he talks about very serious things and he keeps thinking we're joking. He's always like, listen, the crime rate's up. People are. People are dying. I'm not joking around. I'm not kidding around.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on. I'm not done slapping my d. My knee.

[Ben Glebe]

Women's rights are being taken away. It's not a joke.

[Adam Carolla]

No joke.

[Ben Glebe]

No joke, folks. What if. Thank you for clarifying that.

[Adam Carolla]

Two days after he. What if he. He left office and two days later we found like, video of him right now riding a unicycle and juggling. Would our minds all just be blown like Kaiser Sosa? Yeah, it'd be a full, non limp Kaiser Sosa move. That would be my number.

[Ben Glebe]

That would be mine. Kaiser Soze.

[Adam Carolla]

But yes, it would be Soze. That's right.

[Ben Glebe]

You're confused him with.

[Mayhem Miller]

With Sam Tequila's place always smells like pine. She said, get out the chat room and clean my Glad stretch.

[Ben Glebe]

So fresh.

[Mayhem Miller]

The Glad girl group coming at you with that throwback jam. That was Glad Force Flex Drawstring Trash bags featuring Pine Sol original scent. And that's better than all good. It's all Glad.

[Adam Carolla]

Sammy Sosa.

[Ben Glebe]

This whole time I've been Sammy Sosa.

[Adam Carolla]

Did he go the weird Michael Jackson.

[Jason May]

Route like Bleached skin. I think he did, yeah. Or am I mistaken? Another baseball player?

[Ben Glebe]

Baseball legends are turning white. It's no joke.

[Adam Carolla]

Joe, Did. Did Sammy Soza go full. I mean, he just went.

[Jason May]

Yeah, I told you.

[Adam Carolla]

He just.

[Jason May]

He's like Mambo number five over there.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. He turned into Lou Bega.

[Jason May]

He did, huh?

[Adam Carolla]

Lou's begging his doctor for some whitening cream. What the. What the.

[Ben Glebe]

I've got. I've got monograms on my mind, folks. Not joking around.

[Adam Carolla]

Why would you not want to look like old Sammy Sosa? Like I'd be like, fucking Sammy Sosa. I'm getting into every bar free. I'm never going to pay for hot wings as long as I live. I'll be the mayor of Chicago. I'll be the de facto mayor of Chicago for the rest of my fucking life. Instead of coming up to the bar and go, all right, homo, take your white ass out of here.

[Ben Glebe]

He looks horrible.

[Adam Carolla]

We're waiting for. Sammy shows up.

[Ben Glebe]

He looks horrendous. They're like. He walks in now, they're like, Dr. Crohn's, your table's not ready.

[Adam Carolla]

I feel this is, what, you know, like Magic Johnson's trans son. I feel like when society doesn't know what to do with someone, we just kind of go, we're done. We don't want to see. We don't want to hear from you. Like, this guy is one of the biggest names in baseball, and I've never seen him pop up on anything.

[Ben Glebe]

Maybe he wants to try to get back into the league and set records as a white player.

[Adam Carolla]

He wants to do it both ways. You're right.

[Ben Glebe]

Even instead of both leagues, he wants to go both races.

[Adam Carolla]

Two finger to the heart, then up to heaven thing. I don't know if that works in Dome Stadium. That's a strong point. I thought about that. Does the finger point work and dome.

[Ben Glebe]

You'Re just pointing to the air conditioning system.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. There's a bar joist in the rafter up there.

[Ben Glebe]

Thank God it's not hot in here, right?

[Adam Carolla]

This is crazy, right?

[Ben Glebe]

Unbelievable. I mean, I can't think who he looks like. He looks like something, but it's really weird. Look, he looks like that guy that's like Scarface's best friend in Scarface with the bad skin. You know that guy?

[Jason May]

Yep. Burns him.

[Ben Glebe]

Yep. Looks like that dude a little bit.

[Adam Carolla]

Something's amiss.

[Ben Glebe]

It's really odd.

[Jason May]

Uncanny Valley. It is. It is Sammy Sosa, but it's not.

[Ben Glebe]

I mean, I almost don't Understand what's happening.

[Jason May]

I think that's chicks.

[Ben Glebe]

Looks like a Dracula kind of.

[Jason May]

Yeah, exactly. Definitely.

[Adam Carolla]

Like married with kids and stuff.

[Jason May]

It would be weird to like be born to a black man and then your dad's white by the time you're six.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's right. Because he's got a little. Little. Hopefully he knocked up a blonde chick.

[Ben Glebe]

What on earth. Now they're cowboys.

[Jason May]

They definitely.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what is cool? He looks so unlike Sammy Sosa.

[Jason May]

Yeah. That you don't.

[Adam Carolla]

That he could get the truth from anybody about Sammy Sosa. You know, like, I can't go up.

[Ben Glebe]

Excuse me. What do you think about Sammy Sosa? I randomly asked.

[Adam Carolla]

Fucking roided freak. I rooted for Maguire the whole fucking time, dude.

[Ben Glebe]

Okay. Guess what?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Ben Glebe]

I am Sammy Sosa.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay? Get the fuck out of here, man.

[Ben Glebe]

You don't believe. You think I'm a mom.

[Adam Carolla]

Take your white ass.

[Ben Glebe]

Okay. Let's get on the horses and get out of here.

[Adam Carolla]

Just because you fucking wear a cowboy hat, baby. That guy was juicing. He should have never got out of aaa. You hear what I'm saying? And I'm from Chicago.

[Ben Glebe]

The only juicing I was doing was a cut off a martini. It looked like a orange juice. You mean a orange juice.

[Adam Carolla]

Listen, I don't know where you white ladies get this thick accent all the time, but that guy was. He was a. He was a black guy.

[Ben Glebe]

I would like to speak to your manager.

[Adam Carolla]

Black guy. That black guy was a black eye on baseball with his fucking roids.

[Ben Glebe]

Okay, I am Swiss on this because I am not him. But how dare you talk this way about formerly dark skinned Sammy Sosa.

[Adam Carolla]

I can't go up to people and go, what do you think of Adam Carolla? They go, either you could.

[Ben Glebe]

In blackface.

[Adam Carolla]

Who the fuck is Adam Carolla? You're Adam Corolla.

[Ben Glebe]

Easy solution for that. Go Soul man style. Take those tanning pills.

[Jason May]

Yeah.

[Ben Glebe]

From that movie. Soul Man.

[Jason May]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. What. What's up with Sam Sosa?

[Ben Glebe]

Yep. Hard to know. His wife looks more like he used to.

[Adam Carolla]

Look, do you think people come up the Sosas. Excuse me, are you Sammy?

[Ben Glebe]

Which one of you is Sammy Sosa? I have a package for Mr. Sosa.

[Adam Carolla]

Also, this guy's trying to make reservations in Chicago and it's like, Sammy Sosa, table of two and. Well, we're fully booked tonight, but we can get Sammy Sosa. Then he comes in with his wife. Okay. Get the fuck out of here. He had to be turned away.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah. This reminds me of a moment in my life When I was at Mel's Diner in Hollywood and I did not know this fact about Jose Canseco. And I see Jose Canseco come out of the restroom and walk to a table and sit down with another Jose Canseco.

[Adam Carolla]

What?

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah. Apparently Jose Canseco has an identical twin brother.

[Mayhem Miller]

What?

[Ben Glebe]

And I didn't being unaware of this fact that I'm drunk at a bar. Ozzy Canseco and I almost. I lost my mind. My mind almost imploded. Do you understand? 2 Jose Cansecos, what that would do to a young boy's mind?

[Adam Carolla]

You felt like you're hit on top of that with a baseball and then it's bounced over the wall to be a home run.

[Ben Glebe]

100%. Yeah, that's exactly right.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, we got Duke lacrosse from like, I don't know, 15 years ago or something. I'm not going to play the whole thing, but I. Let's see. See, Maybe I'll play the part where I say duke lacrosse. Hey.

[Jason May]

Any.

[Adam Carolla]

Fighting Hitler Nude. I need answers.

[Ben Glebe]

I got nothing.

[Adam Carolla]

Name. Oh my God. For my Final solution. Who? Now watch. Can I ask you one question? Why are you naked? Well, you can't bring any physical material objects into. But why does Hitler have his whole uniform on then? He was grandfather.

[Ben Glebe]

Oh, he was.

[Unknown]

A long time ago.

[Adam Carolla]

Different rules. It looks like something else to see.

[Ben Glebe]

Yeah, I look forward to.

[Adam Carolla]

When is that coming out? Well, we got more to see. What do you mean? I, I, I go back to hell. Yeah. Look what I do to Osama.

[Ben Glebe]

Oh, my God.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my God. Very homoerotic. Thanks, grandpa. Nunchucks. All right, you get it. At some point we'll. We'll find me Duke lacrosse. We'll find some for.

[Jason May]

Gotta bring him out of retirement, bro. Gonna nail it back.

[Adam Carolla]

I forgot how much news it had. A lot.

[Jason May]

Gratuitous.

[Ben Glebe]

Were you wearing like a. Hopefully like a. Like a dick sock?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I was wearing a dick sock.

[Ben Glebe]

That's good.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Ben Glebe]

Full ass out, though.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I think I was wearing like beige panties for the entire.

[Ben Glebe]

Same as them right now.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, now they're called. Let's call them tan. But yeah.

[Ben Glebe]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

But yeah, beige flesh down.

[Ben Glebe]

Honestly, I have to hand it to abc. You know, they're owned by Disney. And you always think that you'd have to be like, they seem to approve a lot of sketches.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Ben Glebe]

You would not expect.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I don't know if they approved it or we just. We just did it.

[Ben Glebe]

Fair enough.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. At some point I explained I'm Duke lacrosse, but I don't know, maybe at.

[Ben Glebe]

The top or now, did you discuss instead of the punchline before you snap Hitler's neck Instead of this is my final solution. Did was it pitched to you? Say hello to my little friend. You didn't want people to think you had a small penis.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. I should have thought about that. So that's why we needed you doing punch up.

[Ben Glebe]

Thank you so much.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's give some plugs. I'm gonna be in Vegas at Jimmy's club doing stand up January 9th, and in Solana Beach, Jay Moore and I are gonna be there January 19th at the Belly Up. It's a fun club. It's a music club, but they do fun comedy there. Ben, well, he's got a podcast. He's got a stand up special. The Mad King's the name of the stand up special on YouTube as we speak. And last week on Earth with Ben Glebe as well. Get some Manuka honey from Mayhems.

[Jason May]

Yes, Samumanuka.com mayhem.

[Adam Carolla]

It's real good stuff.

[Ben Glebe]

Follow me on Instagram benglebe too. You can easily contact me.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. Until next time, Adam Krome with Ben Glebe and Mayhem Miller. Say, Mahala.

[Dawson]

Leave us a voicemail at 888-634-1744. Because I'm honest, I must tell you that Glass for Me is from Matt Fondelier, Corolla's old assistant, as mentioned on a podcast we recorded just last night called the Water for. So I can't take credit for Glass for me.

[Ben Glebe]

There you go. Get your tickets to see the ace.

[Dawson]

[e-mail].

[Mayhem Miller]

Pluto TV is a place for movie fans like me and TV fans like me. They've got something for everyone and it's free.

[Adam Carolla]

I love free.

[Ben Glebe]

And I love Jersey Shore.

[Mayhem Miller]

For me, it's the Godfather.

[Adam Carolla]

SpongeBob SquarePants. I am Patrick. Patrick is me.

[Mayhem Miller]

Oh, Forrest Gump. Come on, Criminal minds.

[Adam Carolla]

Solving crime after bedtime.

[Mayhem Miller]

Whatever you love to watch. Pluto TV makes it easy with thousands of free movies and shows.

[Adam Carolla]

Pluto TV Stream, now pay. Never.

[Mayhem Miller]

Did you know you can watch all your favorite crime shows for free on Pluto tv?

[Adam Carolla]

Totally free.

[Mayhem Miller]

Totally free. They've got csi, New York, ncis, Criminal Minds, Blue Bloods Tracker, FBI, swat. All for free.

[Adam Carolla]

There's something suspicious going on here.

[Mayhem Miller]

Nothing suspicious, just hundreds of free crime shows on Pluto tv. Crime never pays. And neither do I. Pluto TV stream now pay. Never.

[Adam Carolla]

Mind.

[Mayhem Miller]

So fresh glad strength let's drink with sins that take you back. Grandma's place always smells like pine. She said, get out the chat room and clean my stretch. Filling pine so fresh. The GLAAD girl group coming at you with a throwback jam that was Glad Force Flex Drawstring Trash Bags featuring Pine Sol original scent. And that's better than all good. It's all Glad.