
Comedian Ben Gleib returns to the show and they open by talking about a hiking trail “Karen” in Colorado, the great magnet that connects all of Adam’s pizza orders, and the hot dog options at Crypto.com Arena. Next,...
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Adam Carolla
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Ben Glebe
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Adam Carolla
Well, this episode comedian Ben Gleb is in studio. We have mayhem doing news. Anthony Scaramucci the Mooch will chime in as well. And we'll do all that right after this.
Anthony Scaramucci
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Adam Carolla
Totally free.
Anthony Scaramucci
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Adam Carolla
Hey fans of freedom and open discussion. I'm heading over to Substack and there's an ad free audio and video version of the Adam Corolla show that's going to be waiting there in the near future. You'll even be able to watch ACS live unedited as we record it. Participate in the show via live chat. That'll be coming up very soon. You also get an ad free version of the Adam Klein Dr. Drew Show. You'll also get an exclusive to my new podcast, Beat it out where I share unpolished ideas with my comedian buddies. The first series of episodes is gonna be Jay Moore. You'll get all this and more for the low, low price of nine bucks a month of pittance for all we're going to bring. You subscribe now@adamcarolla.com substack and I'll see all of you in our new speakeasy called Substack.
Jason Mayhem Miller
From Corolla One Studios in Glendale, California. This is the Adam Corolla Show. Adam's guest today, comedian Ben Glebe and former White House Communications director Anthony Scaramucci. Plus the news and trending topics with Jason Mayhem Miller. And now side hack is what Kimmel used to call him behind his back. Adam Carolla.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. Get it on. Got to get it on the Judge, we're going to manage you. Get it on. Thanks for tuning in. Thanks for telling Frame. I love that about you. Ben Glebe, friend of the show and back in studio, it's got a standup special, the Mad King. It's available on YouTube as we speak and of course the podcast as well. Last week on Earth with Ben Gleb. Good to see you, Ben.
Ben Glebe
Good to see you. I didn't realize until this moment that the intro was not pre recorded. I just never looked to the right before. That was amazing.
Adam Carolla
We make everything fresh here.
Ben Glebe
That's what that smell is when you walk in.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. And of course Mayhem over there. Mandate, mandate, get it on. All right, I got some thoughts. I think last week or the week before, we sort of found the all time leader in the male Karen clubhouse, which is the guy who's the cyclist out of Utah, maybe Colorado, I can't recall. But anyway, he's some kid. Got too close to him. Like I want to say to all cyclists, you are not the king of the world because you own a fucking bicycle. Every poor person on the planet owns a bicycle. There's nothing special about you. I know you think you're better than everyone because you don't need to ride a bicycle, but you choose to ride a bicycle, but you're not. And you're 167 pounds soaking wet. If we add the Shimano bike, you'll still be under 200. And I'm driving £5,600 worth of galvanized steel. Perhaps you should check your attitude just a little bit.
Ben Glebe
Part of the problem also is whenever you engage in a sport or I don't even know if you call it a sport, but in activity where you need outfits, yeah, outfits, you just feel very self important. Emasculating shorts on, you're wearing spandex. It's Lycra.
Unknown Speaker
And you can see the nipples through the outfit.
Ben Glebe
You can see the nipples. It's a bad sign.
Adam Carolla
I would argue that anything with an outfit, and I don't want to hang with that guy. I don't like the Harley biker outfit guy. I don't like the cyclist outfit guy. By the way, there should be a rule against you wearing a jersey that's sponsored. This guy has a Saab sponsorship. There's Cinzano or Martini or something. You're not sponsored by any of these companies. We Got you just bought a fucking jersey.
Unknown Speaker
You're making me rethink my whole Jiu Jitsu career.
Adam Carolla
Who are you sponsored by? Oh, Golden Palace.
Unknown Speaker
Saab.
Adam Carolla
Saab Goldman. So this guy, Footpowder is right. This guy is wanting to make an arrest. You know, anytime someone calls the cops and then has to explain to them what the person's done wrong, and the cops really can't figure out what the person's done wrong, just hang up and keep going.
Ben Glebe
But when it's more than three words, you know that it's not a real crime. I'm being murdered.
Unknown Speaker
Have you seen this clip? I think Glebes out of disadvantage.
Adam Carolla
Watch. 30, 30 seconds of this guy. 70 year old cyclist guy. Dude, literally stop. No. I'm calling the police and you're not leaving. You're not leaving. By the way, how do you get that fired up? I'm going to go skate.
Ben Glebe
No, you're not.
Adam Carolla
Yes, I am. No, you're not. You're not. You're not going anywhere. Please come. Dude, stop. No, you're a dude. Literally stop. All right. He passed too close by him in his car when he was cycling.
Ben Glebe
I don't know why the driver didn't lock his door.
Adam Carolla
I'm with you on that one as well.
Unknown Speaker
Just hit a single leg right there and it's game.
Adam Carolla
Take him, take him down.
Unknown Speaker
Just a quick single leg and Binky's on the ground and you're out of there. You're skateboarding into the sunset.
Adam Carolla
So this is in Park City, Utah. This is like a month ago. I have no idea who this guy is, but he's the biggest douchebag in the world and literally a guy. Just look, I drive down PCH every day. They're cyclists there. You cannot miss them by five feet. If you miss them by five feet, you're in the other lane and you're cutting a car off. If you'd like to stay in your lane and they're on the side, you got about two feet. Maybe it's too close for them. Tough shit, cyclists. So then a woman not related to this, a Karen, a true Karen, comes across some folks walking on a hiking trail in a wide open area and they have a service dog who I normally hate, but she stops and does the same thing and you have to watch it now. Okay, first off, do people have an unlimited amount of time to engage and others. And why, why the unlimited? This guy's 70.
Ben Glebe
People don't have jobs anymore.
Adam Carolla
The clock is ticking. It's a Saturday. The sun's gonna go down. Like, why are we gonna wait for the cops when there was no crime? Where does the unlimited amount of time it's.
Ben Glebe
We have. There's this woman's walking with a sippy cup. That shouldn't leave a kitchen.
Adam Carolla
I agree. She's the one. She's the one with the dog. We'll see the Karen in a second. Sorry. So I'm barred from going to a park because of a service animal. What do you own this park? I live right up there.
Unknown Speaker
So do I.
Adam Carolla
Miss three times a week. Okay, so do you own this park? Service animals are not allowed.
Ben Glebe
Do you own this park?
Adam Carolla
Dogs are not allowed on this trail. How open is this area?
Unknown Speaker
Is there more miles and miles?
Ben Glebe
This is the American plane.
Unknown Speaker
That's the curvature of the earth right there.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, it's like. It's like where they filmed the first Planet of the Apes. Like, it's just nothing. Just. Just open nothingness for as far as the eye could see.
Ben Glebe
I mean, there is no better example of a Karen's entitled behavior than being in an open American landscape and saying, there's no dogs allowed just in the wilderness. Also no animals in the wilderness.
Adam Carolla
You live three blocks from this location. So I should be able to do that. The Hewlett Packard building. Like, I live in an apartment across the street, bro. So I'm taking over. You can always tell, like, I live by Shofi. I'll just take it over, man.
Ben Glebe
Yeah, come on.
Adam Carolla
I'm up the street.
Ben Glebe
You can tell they have no argument when they go to them living nearby. She pauses and she goes, I live near here. That's your argument. We all live near something.
Adam Carolla
Is this your park, by the way? Is this your high school? Is this your synagogue? I live near the synagogue, so I want to take it. And then she goes, I live near here. And I'm here three days a week. Which, last I checked is less than half the week.
Ben Glebe
It's less than half.
Adam Carolla
But yet you have dominion. Yeah, maybe she's saying, I own the outdoors.
Unknown Speaker
What's funny is the stopping. I don't know, little trick I picked up in prison. You just act like, confused. Huh huh? And keep walking, right?
Adam Carolla
No, I don't. Engagement.
Unknown Speaker
Why do you engage? They engage this content farming right here. Somebody's Instagram just went up a million points right here because they just wanted to argue with Karen. She is wearing the official Karen outfit.
Adam Carolla
Of the NBA lemons and the noise blocking headphones, which everyone else should have in the nature.
Unknown Speaker
Let me block out.
Adam Carolla
And she's also Listen, when you walk alone, you've got issues. That means no one wants to walk with you. You know what I mean? Walking is something you do with people. Someone has said, I can't walk with this bitch because she stops every 12ft and wants to talk to people about their pets.
Ben Glebe
And also, nature is too annoyingly loud for her that she needs noise blocking headphones while walking by herself and somehow is still bothered by things. It's too much. She's also elderly as can be. She might be Mother Nature herself.
Adam Carolla
She could be.
Ben Glebe
Maybe Mother Nature doesn't like animals. Not all of its creatures are welcome by itself.
Adam Carolla
Well, we'll hear it out. She keeps. She keeps going. She's gonna call somebody. Now what? She's taking a picture from the community college. That's fun.
Unknown Speaker
You get service out here?
Adam Carolla
We're from the community college.
Ben Glebe
That's why we're here today.
Adam Carolla
We're on a field trip. So the service. The service dog's allowed in the classroom as well. It's a pretty sure it's federally protected law.
Unknown Speaker
Yeah.
Ben Glebe
No, this is not.
Adam Carolla
This is.
Ben Glebe
This belongs to the city of Fort Collins.
Adam Carolla
So the way the federal law works, you're saying that the American with Disabilities.
Unknown Speaker
Act doesn't apply to federal law.
Adam Carolla
Trumps state law. State to city of Fort Collins regulations. When you have a protected wildlife area, dogs are not allowed. That is a hard and fast rule. Did you see the disturbance of the animals around you as you walked? So service dogs are all right, hold on.
Unknown Speaker
I think she might be right, Ace. I don't know. No, I'm getting on earth side now.
Adam Carolla
What animals did she like? Was there Noah's Ark?
Unknown Speaker
Just meerkats, I think.
Adam Carolla
What?
Ben Glebe
The bison all ran.
Adam Carolla
They all ran. What? She goes, did you not see the disturbance of the local wildlife?
Unknown Speaker
Like the flora and fire are sprinting.
Adam Carolla
Is there any wildlife at all or is this just open chaparral like on a prairie?
Ben Glebe
I mean, she does open quite the question there, because now I'm picturing like herds of elk just sprinting away from this tiny little dog.
Unknown Speaker
Yeah, the circle of life.
Adam Carolla
All right. She's already. I don't know, I say to people, how. What do you live to? 175, 180. Like, what are we even doing? All right, so she's calling, here we go. The visitors can go. So even if dogs are excluded, this.
Ben Glebe
Is a service animal.
Adam Carolla
So you can call the authorities all.
Ben Glebe
You want, but technically this is a completely legal.
Adam Carolla
Did you know that there are protected. We're going to move on okay, yeah.
Unknown Speaker
That'S what I'm saying. That should have been like 30 minutes ago.
Adam Carolla
All right, here's my point. I would like the guy on the bicycle that was making the citizens arrest of the guy at the skate park and her to be forced to mate to give off the most fucking annoying offspring on the planet.
Unknown Speaker
That's us growing Super Karen.
Ben Glebe
It could be super Karen. Or do you think maybe if two Karens meet, it instantly melts away their hard edges and now they're just a lovely couple that just needed each other.
Unknown Speaker
I'm thinking of timecode.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, you're thinking about like Magic Johnson's kid. You know what I mean? Like I can't be a bigger jock, so I'm choosing another path.
Ben Glebe
That's right.
Adam Carolla
You're right. You can even hit so hard.
Ben Glebe
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
Like a lot of times when your.
Ben Glebe
Mom'S named Cookie, you go a little soft.
Unknown Speaker
You're looking for recessive genes. The recessive comes out.
Adam Carolla
Sometimes the parents are so good looking that the kid doesn't. It can't tolerate the attractive genes. And it comes out in another weird way. Like the fly.
Ben Glebe
You've seen photos of my parents and you're trying to make me feel better?
Adam Carolla
Yes, thank you. They're very handsome.
Ben Glebe
Thank you.
Adam Carolla
Very handsome.
Unknown Speaker
More of a Time Cop situation where they both touch and they can't stay in the same place. They turn into goo.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. Time Cop, man, that must have been an inspirational tale for you.
Unknown Speaker
Wasn't it?
Adam Carolla
Doing the splits on the counter in the kitchen?
Unknown Speaker
Yep. Like putting your boot right in someone's face. Read between the lines.
Adam Carolla
Time Cop is one of those. I love all movies where they go the year 1998. Well, it's 95 now. You really think everyone's gonna have jetpacks? Yeah. 34 months from now. Yeah, I do.
Unknown Speaker
Hell yeah.
Ben Glebe
Yeah, and they're really not banking on replay factor of that movie whatsoever. They're not expecting a DVD life cycle.
Adam Carolla
Well, the reason we don't get it anymore. There's a perfect explanation for futuristic movies in the run up to 2000. We treated in 1988. We didn't treat 2000 like it was 12 years in the future. See 191960 to 1980 to 1972 is 12 years. But no one thought we're all going to colonize Mars in that period of time. But the 2000. Yeah. Meant we're gonna leap not 12 years from 1988 to 2000. It was 112 years. So 2000 or a thousand people. Probably a thousand years. So we would name everything. Like, it's the 2000. The blenders were two. That's like, this isn't the space age future. This is nine years from now. Yeah. So when we made movies, they'd go, the year is 2002. And it's like, yeah, it's 1996 now.
Ben Glebe
Right.
Adam Carolla
But this is 2002. We're all living in pods.
Ben Glebe
Yeah, because they weren't taking nobody's wearing den anymore. There's no denim you're undertaking.
Adam Carolla
Like that's only a few years from now.
Ben Glebe
Yeah, but then the denim can't last into an arbitrary number.
Adam Carolla
We thought it was a thousand in 12 years. That's how. That's what? Two thousand.
Ben Glebe
Because number two is scary. It's.
Adam Carolla
We're not going to have to deal with this anymore because no one thinks there's going to be anything between 2024 and 2036. No one gives a fuck. But when we get close to 3,000, these bullshit movies are going to start coming out. There's going to be. We'll be dead and gone, thank Christ. But as we get to like 2087, they're gonna start coming out. No, it's gonna have to be 2987 or whatever we suffered through the change of the 2000.
Unknown Speaker
Damn. I never really put in the Man. You thought about that? Yeah, you're right. You're absolutely right.
Adam Carolla
So we were scared of everything.
Ben Glebe
We had Y2K. We were certain that the computers were gonna explode.
Adam Carolla
When you wrote Time Cop, you just have it take place in. And then cops can travel into the future.
Ben Glebe
Very true. Also, they really overestimated the longevity, even just of John Claude Van Damme.
Adam Carolla
Yes, they did.
Ben Glebe
They really are.
Unknown Speaker
I disagree, but that's a conversation for another.
Ben Glebe
I know you're a big fan when you see him do the splits. You think he puts the Dan in.
Unknown Speaker
Look, if you kept up with this, if you kept up with his career, he had. He did a movie called J I have JB cd.
Adam Carolla
Oh, yeah.
Unknown Speaker
It was like a very introspective type movie. He kept up.
Adam Carolla
He was doing that Nick Cage before. Nick Cage kind of weird stuff.
Unknown Speaker
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
Time cop shot 94, travels back from 2004. Nine years.
Ben Glebe
What's it going to be like in 2004?
Adam Carolla
Yeah, hard to get. Everyone's wearing denim. Everyone has a car with fucking air in the tires and still gets flats. Nobody can travel in time. The fucking garbage disposal still goes on the fritz. That's it. There's still coin op laundries everywhere.
Ben Glebe
A bicyclist just starts getting closer and closer to the cars.
Adam Carolla
Right.
Ben Glebe
Dogs are infiltrating the open plains.
Unknown Speaker
T9 text.
Ben Glebe
Yep.
Unknown Speaker
Anybody remember that T9 text?
Ben Glebe
Kind of, though, you press the other button to get the letters 777.
Unknown Speaker
That's S.
Adam Carolla
All right.
Ben Glebe
That was the best we could figure out back then, back in the early twos.
Adam Carolla
I want to ask you guys about the. The great magnet.
Ben Glebe
Oh, I was hoping you would. Even though I don't know what that is.
Adam Carolla
I'm gonna explain. It's for the atheists. It's when stuff just sort of happens, and that really shouldn't happen, but you can't explain how it happened, you know? And I've been burning a lot of calories on this show talking about pizza that's overlaid with pepperoni and. But they put too much pepperoni, and it's too salty, and it's too much. And adults should graduate from pepperon pepperoni as kids into sausage and onion. And there's mushroom and there's olive. There are many other offerings. We don't have to just go to pepperoni. But also, is the pepperoni free? Because as I've said, somebody will inevitably order a pepperoni pizza, which I never went. But they have to do it. They just do it. And then I get the sausage and onion, and the pepperoni pizza is blanketed with pepperoni and the sausage and onion. I can't find the bits of sausage and onion. Even though onion is ostensibly free, it's not a monetary thing. Onion is free, and I asked for it. So put on my fucking pizza. But what's going on with pepperoni? And I did about 20 minutes the other week on pepperoni. Now I was lamenting with my son while watching the Late Game. I had to do a comedy set the other night at the Comedy Store. Sam Tripoli, Armenian bone marrow cancer fund or whatever. I didn't even know what I was doing, except for I got a text from Mark Garagas, the king of the armos, who said, thanks for doing this Armenian, but he knows all things Armenian. I didn't even know what I was doing.
Ben Glebe
Sure. But just do whatever Tripoli asks.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, I told Mark I don't like armos, but I like bone marrow. So that's kind of why I was. But anyway, whatever. You're welcome. So we were going to watch the Late Game, and then I was going to go do this special and the charity, and I've been fucked by pizza. The last, like, five pizza I've ordered, it's been. First off, there's always some asshole next to me that needs the pepperoni. And it always. It taunts me because they got all the pepperoni and then some, and I got no sausage and onion and, like, sausage. That's why I'm ordering sausage. But just put it on the pizza. But they don't.
Ben Glebe
And onions not even the only issue. I'm sure you have opinions about the size of the sausage balls.
Adam Carolla
I have a lot of thoughts.
Ben Glebe
It's got to be medium. It can't be too tiny, little crumbles. It can't be huge where, like, you're eating a huge tall sausage on top of a pizza.
Adam Carolla
It's. It's. It's always very sparse. So I say to my son, it's just me and you now. I brought it up at football where I said to everyone who the. What the fuck with the pepperoni? And everyone. Guy at the table said, I like sausage and onion. And I said, exactly, exactly, exactly. Enough with the pepperoni already. The guys all left. It was just me and my son. I said, let's order a pizza. Said, okay. I said, what do you want? He goes, I want sausage.
Ben Glebe
I said, good, kid, Good.
Adam Carolla
It's a good boy. I said, sausage and what you want to do? Sausage and olive? You want mushroom? He goes, how about sausage and mushroom? I said, okay, but thin crust, New York style. He goes, yeah. I go, okay, how about sausage, onion and mushroom? He goes, I don't really want mushroom. I go, no. He goes, I don't want onion. I go, okay, okay. How about we just put onion on half? We go, sausage, onion on half, mushroom. It goes, okay. I go, all right, order it. Okay. It's great. When your kids get old enough, we can start whoring them out for shit. You call them, you order. You go get the pizza.
Unknown Speaker
You.
Ben Glebe
It's a bad.
Adam Carolla
It's the only reason I don't own a farm.
Ben Glebe
Exactly.
Adam Carolla
I just need them to fucking do my bidding, you know what I mean?
Ben Glebe
They need to just do the one call to get you the farm food to your table.
Adam Carolla
So he calls. He goes, New York style. Like thin crust, guys. Yeah. And he goes, sausage and mushroom and onion on half. The guy goes, okay. And he hangs up. And I go, fucking thank God I've gotten away from this pepperoni. It's haunting my world. I'm so tired of traveling with Mike August, who always wants a fucking pepperoni because he has to, because I do 20 minutes on only Idiots Eat Pepperoni. And then he orders a large pepperoni every single time. And then they Fucking skimp on my shit. I give my son money. He walks to the pizza place, comes back, opens the box. I have a picture. I took a picture of it last night. Last night I took a picture of this. Which should pop up.
Ben Glebe
Come on.
Unknown Speaker
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
What are we looking at?
Unknown Speaker
I look like fucking pepperoni.
Ben Glebe
Why is there pepperoni over the whole pizza, let alone I didn't order pepperoni?
Adam Carolla
He never said pepperoni. It's the great fucking magnet. I've been complaining about fucking pepperoni. How often do you get an ingredient you don't ask for on your pizza, by the way? It has the sausage, although it's dwarfed by the pepperoni. It has the onion. It had everything. And then the guy put pepperoni on top of all that because I need to be plagued. Because I need to be haunted by my son. Did not say anything. I mean, we talked off the phone about idiots and pepperoni and how I never want to fucking see another piece of pepperoni as long as I live. They just put it on top.
Ben Glebe
Not sure. I'm not sure.
Adam Carolla
I think I'm sure I paid for it.
Unknown Speaker
Hear me out. Hear me out. I'm going with Sam. Tripoli.
Ben Glebe
No.
Unknown Speaker
Conspiracy theorist. No, no. There's someone. Avid listener who has a auto erotic asphyxiation every time you talk about pepperoni and get fired up and angry and he's just right now stroking his pepperoni, just so happy that he made Adam.
Adam Carolla
Carolla mad and Dawson have thoughts.
Ben Glebe
Ben, this is not what it is. Here's what happened is your son does not appreciate being treated as a farmhand. And you sent him to pick up the pizza. We could have been delivered for an extra $3. And you gave him 20 minutes to go and have the pizza man fuck with his father.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, he picked off the pepperoni. Of course I did.
Ben Glebe
He had to play. He had to play it off.
Unknown Speaker
Yeah. He had to continue the Sherman say.
Adam Carolla
The boy's gone bad. Well, what's happened is I complained about pepperoni so many fucking times. The great Magne. He's punishing me. But I don't want pepperoni. I don't want it.
Ben Glebe
You think it's God doing it?
Adam Carolla
How often if you ordered a pizza where they added some. This isn't the wrong pizza. This is all of the three things I ordered, plus the thing I do 20 minutes on every single day hating being added on top.
Ben Glebe
So you think it's God and I think it's.
Adam Carolla
Pepperoni is free. I'm with you. I think pepperoni is fucking free. They can't stop. The last time I bet when he was walking out out of the pizza place, he was hit with a handful of pepperoni and someone threw at the back of his head. It is fucking free now. What is going. I don't want pepperoni. Is that okay is what I'm saying.
Ben Glebe
You're just ignoring my son theory. Huh?
Adam Carolla
He's a good boy.
Jason Mayhem Miller
I think Ben is possibly on to something. This would be the ultimate troll thing. I don't think he has that bone in his body. I don't think he did.
Unknown Speaker
Good boy.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Okay, now here's the thing.
Adam Carolla
He picked it off too.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Yes. They seeing all that pepperoni on a pizza you did not order order pepperoni on. Especially after you went on that rant is is awful. But that is not the most egregious thing of this photo. Anyone with a light dusting of OCD is crawling out of their skin right now. Whoever made this pizza did not pass high school geometry. Look where the half point is.
Adam Carolla
Oh, wow.
Ben Glebe
Good point.
Unknown Speaker
Oh, yeah, good point. Yeah, yeah, you're right. He's a farsighted or near sighted.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, the prime meridian is off.
Jason Mayhem Miller
God.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, But Dawson, before you have a cow. I wasn't directly over. I was leaning back a little bit. Could give an optical illusion. 58 of an inch.
Unknown Speaker
The southern hemisphere looks large.
Adam Carolla
I was disgusted. I picked off all the fucking pepperonis. I gave them to my dog Phil. First I shouted like Willem Dafoe in Platoon. I fell to my knees and I what the is it gonna take to get away from pepperoni?
Unknown Speaker
Oh, I thought you were gonna say the lighthouse.
Adam Carolla
No, damn me no. Like Platoon when he was shot in the back by Charlie that fell to the ground and put my hands up to the heaven and I just went, what the fuck is going on with me and pepperoni? But why is it free? Is it free? That's what I keep yelling. Why are they throwing it away? And again then, just to rock my world, there's much better pepperoni coverage than there was with my onion or my sausage. Once again, there are seven pieces of pepperoni on every single fucking slice.
Ben Glebe
After you picked it off, how was the pizza?
Adam Carolla
It was fine, but it tasted like pepperoni because the pepperoni had bled onto the top of the fucking thing. Pepperoni is too salty and too briny and it takes over the pizza.
Ben Glebe
Juicy meat.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Okay, now I would like to apply that same argument to pineapple. You cannot put pineapple on half of a pizza because it will contaminate the entire thing.
Unknown Speaker
That's racist.
Adam Carolla
Why Is that half the pizza though? How does it get to the other half?
Ben Glebe
Just smell wise.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Well, it does.
Unknown Speaker
If you close it in half.
Adam Carolla
It just does. It's not. If I took.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Okay. If the guy making your pizza is.
Adam Carolla
If I took pepperoni and put it on half this pizza, it would not have contaminated the other have.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Oh, okay, that's so. That's not what you were saying. I thought.
Adam Carolla
No, no, no, no. What's what I'm saying. They put pepperoni in the entire pizza, but you take the contaminated.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Still contaminated, right.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, that's what I'm saying. But if they didn't put it on half.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Well, when you're making. When you're making a pizza with pineapple, you drag your hand across the pizza. Pineapple juice is going to drip on the pizza.
Unknown Speaker
I don't know about that.
Adam Carolla
You don't know about that?
Unknown Speaker
I don't.
Jason Mayhem Miller
You think the people making your pizza are.
Adam Carolla
We're going to file this under making.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Sure they don't get any drip of pineapple juice on that other half.
Unknown Speaker
I'm majority of it.
Jason Mayhem Miller
They're making a pizza quick things fly and pineapple juice is going to get on the entire pizza. It's contaminated.
Unknown Speaker
Flying everywhere.
Adam Carolla
They put it on us.
Ben Glebe
And it's getting very heated in here, you guys. Election. We're little heat in this country. Let's take it down or not. Let's take it down. Here's something we can all agree on. Cheese pizza with banana slices.
Adam Carolla
No.
Ben Glebe
Revolutionary all the way out.
Adam Carolla
Sounds insane to me.
Ben Glebe
Very good. Plain cheese with banana slices.
Adam Carolla
No.
Ben Glebe
Next level. You would try it.
Adam Carolla
I like a bananas foster. That's a hot banana.
Ben Glebe
Yep.
Adam Carolla
I like a plantain. That's usually a warm banana.
Ben Glebe
Yep.
Adam Carolla
And I'll leave my mind open to it. But I don't think so. But I'll leave my mind.
Ben Glebe
I appreciate that. I appreciate that.
Adam Carolla
Because how about the pineapple? We do the pina colada pizza.
Ben Glebe
That almost sounds a little much. I'm afraid of the pineapple juice spreading everywhere.
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
Ben Glebe
That juice, they do it like you make.
Adam Carolla
They just start like it's a Greek wedding everywhere. Yeah. They'll do it like the Harlem Globetrotters with the bucket of confetti. But pineapple juice, you know, throw it at the pizza. Yeah.
Ben Glebe
A lot of juice everywhere.
Adam Carolla
A lot of those guys sweat pineapple juice. And when they're leaning over the pizza, you're getting that.
Ben Glebe
That's right.
Jason Mayhem Miller
That's the truth.
Ben Glebe
It's a very tropical pizza shop.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. Like there's a bunch of Italian guys.
Ben Glebe
Back there Italian Hawaiian lays on and just sweating pineapple juice.
Unknown Speaker
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Adam Carolla
All right, I have other food related thoughts. It's about time I'm gonna play a commercial that Tony Barbieri played for me who works for Kimmel and also famously from Windy City Heat. Those who like the movie Windy City Heat. Tony was all up in that. He plays mo. I had sandwiches with him yesterday watching football and he said, have you heard this Top Dog law firm commercial? The audio they play it on 92, 3 or whatever, the jam, you know, whatever the urban station is out here. And I was like, nah, I don't listen to a lot of urban music out here. And he said, oh my God, I'm obsessed with this. And he started playing me. It's basically, I think, a law firm that's trying to say, hey, black people, we can get you paid if you got in a moped accident or something. Something. But listen to it. It blew my mind.
Unknown Speaker
Free.
Adam Carolla
Today you received a call from Top Dog. Told you your settlement check was ready. Think it to yourself. Damn, that was quick. Seemed like it just happened. You asked Top Dog, how much is the check? He asked you what? You sitting down? He told him, yes, he told you it got a couple commas. You want to know the rest? Come see me. You jump in your car, hitting the Top Dog. You want to know how much that tech is. You been waiting on his check. It wasn't long. But you was waiting to get to his office, give him hug, hand you the check. Dan, you see, now you know you about to be rich. I talk about real rich. Ask him how he did it. Told you he sued the drunk driver and the bar that got him drunk. Look at him say, damn, you good. Good. Damn you good. Damn you good. Follow him on instagram@top dog.com all right, so it's. It's officially over as a society, right?
Unknown Speaker
I know, but that's the local radio dj, just so you know, they do all kinds of ads like that. Not just that, they do it for every different kind of business.
Adam Carolla
Choney told me Tony Barbieri said he's doing Bits like Man on the street, things for Kimmel and going to Sofi Stadium and stuff. He goes, all I have to do is put on a blazer and I can walk in. I cut the line of everyone, hey, this guy's got a blazer. And I'm like, everyone now dresses in sweatpants and slippers and fucking flip flops and pajama bottoms. That if you have a fuck. If you just pull out a blazer, you get fucking right this way. Everyone thinks you work there or you own the team or whatever. We have fallen off to such a point that I said to Tony, I go, you're totally right. He's going, I put the blazer on. Everyone goes, right this way. They don't even know who I am because everyone else is dressed like the dregs of society. I said, tony, I said I was in lax. And you go to LAX now and people wear slippers. Yeah, no socks. Like fluff, like yoga pants, sweatpants, pajama tops and like slippers. I said, I'm in the Delta terminal, I'm looking around. I said, it looked like someone pulled the fire alarm at a Hotel at 4am you know when everyone files down the lobby and there's guys walking with boners and sweatpants going, what's going on? Where are we?
Ben Glebe
AKA the magic hour.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, that is. That is LAX now. And that's what the blazer is. But the top dog law firm, we're just done. We're over society. Dignity, it's gone. Decorum is out there. It's all. It's all just. It's all idiocracy.
Ben Glebe
We've gone blazer to blazing. The latest hip hop and R and B. We've done blaze to blaze. I think it's true. I mean, you should be seeking out a lawyer if you're injured in an accident because you're debilitated, not because you're gonna get rich. Are you ready? More money than you've ever seen. Two commas.
Adam Carolla
I'll tell you. Bat. I'll tell you another sign of the apocalypse. I was at the Lakers game with my son on Saturday night, and I started getting excited about the notion of eating a hot dog. I do not eat many hot dogs, but I love hot dogs.
Ben Glebe
Delicious.
Adam Carolla
And a sporting event is a great excuse for a hot dog. And so I woke up that morning and I was thinking about my hot dog. I was thinking, what am I going to have on my hot dog? And I like it a certain way. So I got out. Joe's got the name of this place because I told him, I walked out about the middle of the first quarter. The figure the line had gone down and like I'm going to get myself a hot dog. So I go up, I turn to the right. It's at Sofa and there's a place called Dirt Dog. They make hot dogs and there's a line. It's probably about eight people in line. It's taken a minute. Like, fuck it, I'm so committed to this hot dog and I've been dreaming about it all day. So I wait in line and I'm in line 10 or 15 minutes. Eventually I get up to the counter. The counter. The guy who helps me is 63 year old white guy, which always depresses me because I just want to go. Happened.
Ben Glebe
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
Like what I want to do is go get my son out of his seat and bring him around and go, what do you say? I'll be 65 in December. Uh huh. Tell my son what went wrong. Tell me about not studying. Tell him about smoking too much pot. Just whatever that is. Tell him, tell him so he doesn't follow that road. You know, whatever you got to tell him.
Ben Glebe
You may have to ask the question a little bit more psychologically switched for the man. You might as well say, tell my son about your life story. And let's as a positive, let's not.
Adam Carolla
Make it a pejorative.
Ben Glebe
Yeah. Let's not make the guy think you're directly using him as an example.
Adam Carolla
Cautionary tale.
Ben Glebe
Cautionary tale for your son.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, I want to do that with Anyone who's over 70 and works at a Home Depot. Like before we go looking for the plywood, let's just give him a little brief thumbnail.
Ben Glebe
How did you make it to this spot? Yeah, you gotta give them a little twist.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. In charge of plumbing couplings at the Right. At the tender age of 73. How did that happen? How'd they fast track? Does your dad own this place? So I'm behind the, the guy's behind the counter and I go, I would like a hot dog. And I'll take mustard and onion. And I like mustard, onion, relish. I like a Chicagoan type dog. I'll take a tomato slice, but you probably don't have that. But I'll just take a hot dog with mustard, onion and relish or just mustard and onion. And he goes, well, we just have five dogs. And I go, all right, well, does one of them have mustard and onion on it? He goes, no, we got a plain dog. I go, all right, that's for special needs kids, right? Then we got a bacon wrapped dog, which not for the Jews. And also that's a street dog, but all right. And by the way, hot dogs are hot dogs. We don't need to infuse bacon into everything. Then he goes, we got a chili dog and a. Like, is there onion on that? It's like, no. He goes, we do have a dog with onion on it. And I go, it's got an onion dog. You got one with onion? And he goes, yeah, but it's onion and vegetables. And I go, onion and vegetables. And he goes, yeah, onion and other vegetables.
Ben Glebe
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
First off, all the dogs are five feet behind you. And you fucking sit here all day. And you just take these dogs off this chute, you hand them to people. Why don't you? What do you mean vegetables? Broccolini, zucchini. Like, what's on this green?
Ben Glebe
It's obviously green.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. No, it's chopped up peppers. It's onions and peppers because it is a street dog. It's got bacon, onions, peppers, mayonnaise, ketchup, and bacon bits. And I go, yeah, it's called this right? Now, first off, why do you keep saying onions and vegetables? How come you don't say onions and peppers? I don't know, B.
Ben Glebe
Why are we pretty dressing dogs? We don't trust people to this degree. Now.
Adam Carolla
I don't.
Ben Glebe
We are pre deciding what goes on the dogs.
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
Unknown Speaker
Why are we stealing jobs from hardworking Mexican ladies?
Adam Carolla
Right? Bacon wrapped dog. Elote dog. I don't know what elote is.
Ben Glebe
The corn.
Adam Carolla
That's the one we're looking at.
Ben Glebe
Corn, Elotes street corn.
Adam Carolla
Oh, I thought maize was corn. Anyway, chili dog. La cheesesteak dog. So I'm saying to the guy, I don't want the mayonnaise on top of everything, and I don't want ketchup on my fucking hot dog. Because I'm an adult.
Ben Glebe
Mayonnaise should never be on most things.
Adam Carolla
Mayonnaise shouldn't be on most things. And I want mayonnaise. I don't want bacon bits on top of my dog. I just want to order a hot dog and I'll put mustard and onion on it. He's like, we don't. We don't offer that one.
Unknown Speaker
So you want the plain ones?
Adam Carolla
Yeah, except for I want onions and mustard on it. And they're like, nope, we got what you got. Now, first things first. I started thinking about what happened to mustard? First off, what the fuck happened to mustard? Ketchup, mayonnaise. Whatever. That's for kids and retarded people. Where's the outcry? Where's the mustard dog? No mustard offering. No one in line is going, where's my mustard? There's no mustard containers. They're like, do you want the deli style? You want the hot mustard? You want the Dijon mustard? You want the yellow mustard? No, no. There's no talk about mustard, but plenty of talk about mayonnaise and ketchup. And I realized, oh, we're officially retarded. This is us. This is our constituency. We're done. And then I thought to myself, who really likes the mustard? Like, who wants the mustard? What society? What culture? And I was like, fucking Germany. The people that built the Porsche, the Audis, the people who win Le Mans every year in a fucking Porsche and at a space program in the 40s. Those are the people. And who wants the fucking mayonnaise in the mustard? Mexico. The people with no fucking air Force and have never gotten higher than 9,000ft. Do you know there's no Mexicans ever got higher than 9,000? Not as a people, as a culture.
Ben Glebe
They travel mostly by helicopter.
Adam Carolla
When they go, they just never have cracked.
Unknown Speaker
I think it's hot air.
Adam Carolla
They never crack 9,000ft.
Ben Glebe
Interesting.
Adam Carolla
I'm saying the cultures that are the smartest and the people that are the smartest want the mustard. And the dumbest people want the fucking mayo, the pepperoni and the ketchup.
Ben Glebe
Well, they don't trust us with mustard anymore because I'm sure you notice it's a mustard. Mustard always finds a way. It gets under your fingernails, it gets on your hands, on your shirt. Of all the condiments, somehow mustard slips out and you have it there forever.
Adam Carolla
I.
Unknown Speaker
Well, yeah, to you, because you're Mexican.
Ben Glebe
Thank you. Thank you for noticing. Muchos gracias, though the fucking.
Adam Carolla
And since COVID they don't trust you. I'm like, yeah. I'm like, give me just a plain dog.
Ben Glebe
Dodger stadiums. No more onions, no more mustard.
Adam Carolla
I was like, give me a plain dog. I'll go to the fucking onion mill and I'll go to the relish container. I'll get my own. We don't do any of that. We have five retarded dog offerings. None contain mustard and onion. The one that does have onion has ketchup and mayonnaise and baco bits and other vegetables in it. And by the way, I don't trust them. I got home, there was sushi. A friend brought a bunch of sushi over. It was in the fridge had this all over the top of it. It's sushi. It's not supposed to have a squeeze bottle of seed oil.
Ben Glebe
Sushi should be illegal.
Adam Carolla
Oh, whatever sauce. Which is just.
Ben Glebe
All of it. No. Wait, is this a dog that you end up getting?
Adam Carolla
No.
Ben Glebe
Okay, so what did you get? What'd you order? The plane?
Adam Carolla
I ordered a beer and french fries, and I turned around and left.
Ben Glebe
No, you didn't get.
Adam Carolla
I'm fucking in line for 20 minutes. What hot dog could I order?
Ben Glebe
I would go plain and I would maybe order either. You can't do much. Maybe you order both and then, like, scoop out both.
Adam Carolla
Is $47 worth of hot dogs. Like, I'm not so rich. And by the way, do you think you could pick off that onion without having the fucking elf jizz all over it?
Ben Glebe
Also, you know what?
Adam Carolla
It's covered. It's tainted. It's ruined.
Ben Glebe
Also, if you had ordered even just the plain dog, you know what? 100% would have happened. The old man standing there would have been like, you got it, sir. Pepperoni dog coming up.
Adam Carolla
All right. First. Okay. And it's why we're so fat, too, because we don't even need all of this shit. We don't need all of it. It's a mess. It's a sloppy fucking mess.
Ben Glebe
You were dreaming about a basic American hot dog. You can't even see the dog in here. Where's the dog where you are?
Unknown Speaker
Close.
Adam Carolla
No, it's like the dog is basically what happens to me when I back it up to one of those Kardashians. You know what I mean? It's just gone.
Ben Glebe
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
Can't even be found anymore. Where is it?
Ben Glebe
Also, why were you at a Lakers game at Sofi is another question. I'm wondering.
Adam Carolla
That's where they play now.
Ben Glebe
What? Oh, yeah, the Lakers play at Sofi.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, at the.
Ben Glebe
At the. At the football arena.
Adam Carolla
Oh, I say so far. Then I lost crypto. Crypto.
Ben Glebe
And so far, yeah, okay, great.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, I guess it's the O and the crypto and the so and the so 5.
Ben Glebe
But sorry, I blame it on the one letter.
Adam Carolla
Staples. It was staples for a million years and then they changed the name on it.
Ben Glebe
That's true.
Adam Carolla
It's a fucking no hot dog fly zone. I'm going to have to bring my own onions. I'm going to have to mule in my own onions. I woke up that morning with a smile in my face, thinking about onions and mustard and a hot dog, and now nothing there, Dirt dog.
Ben Glebe
Only luckily for you on the way home, there were 9,000 Mexican people selling you hot dogs on the street corner.
Adam Carolla
Oh, I took one of their shopping carts and one of their wagons. I just put it right on my trailer hitch. And I fucking dragged that Mexican home. And he's chained in my basement right now. She's making me dogs. You're just admitting that she's making dogs. Look, I don't have to worry until Trump takes over. He's fine, right?
Ben Glebe
No. That's when she's not going to be fine.
Adam Carolla
I got a sanctuary basement. That's what I tell the ladies.
Ben Glebe
What are you gonna do when she runs out of dogs, though?
Adam Carolla
I keep her. She's lousy with dogs. I keep her flush.
Ben Glebe
Okay.
Adam Carolla
Gotta go by Costco on the way.
Ben Glebe
Out, refill her dogs. Oh, yeah, that's nice of you. At least keep her. Keep her working.
Adam Carolla
Is there a place in Crypto? Almost. At Sofi again. Is there a place in Crypto where you can get a dog? Like, make your own dog now? Everything is in a fucking packet. Now, they don't trust you, so I don't know what you would do with diced onions.
Ben Glebe
Also, packets are way messier. You now have a packet. You got to get much out of it.
Adam Carolla
You gotta put the shit in your mouth.
Ben Glebe
Put it in your mouth. Also, there aren't. I'm surprised there are even any dogs allowed at Crypto, because it is a wildlife preserve and there should not be any dogs.
Unknown Speaker
I could have sworn they had. I remember somewhere had. Had regular ass hot dogs. I feel like I went.
Adam Carolla
Even if you get a regular ass hot dog, you then get a packet of relish.
Unknown Speaker
Yeah, yeah.
Adam Carolla
And a packet of mustard. By the way, the mustard you have to put in your mouth and tear it with your teeth. And then as you smear it, your fingers get all over the fucking. Like, just give me.
Ben Glebe
And the relish in the packet. That doesn't even. Exactly. It's not relish. It's like sweet, green, sweet, sweet population.
Adam Carolla
Is there such a place, Joe? I just checked all the menus listed on the crypto.com original arena site, and the only other hot dog option at.
Unknown Speaker
Any of the other places is a chili dog.
Adam Carolla
Doesn't look like there's a plain hot dog option at a concession stand in Crypto.
Unknown Speaker
Blasphemy.
Ben Glebe
Your dog is chilly until you.
Adam Carolla
Except the plain dog. One of those. Plain dog. All right, so I pack in my mule in my own onions. Yep, yep. And relish and deli mustard for the next home game.
Unknown Speaker
Trench coat. You Know what I mean? Just bomb, bust it out. Start a new business.
Sign up for something.
Adam Carolla
Well, you know my plan.
Ben Glebe
You're bringing for others you want.
Adam Carolla
I wanted a condiment belt, like the change belt the ice cream man would welcome. Relish, you know what I mean? With some chopped onions.
Ben Glebe
Yeah, like the arcade guy.
Unknown Speaker
And the mayo is like on your belt buckle.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. And then my joke is always when the kid goes up and goes, you got any ranch in there? I go, give me a minute.
Ben Glebe
Oh, my God.
Adam Carolla
That's my answer. When a 9 year old comes up.
Ben Glebe
That way too, earnestly laugh real hard. Oh, no.
Adam Carolla
Real hard.
Ben Glebe
Oh, my God.
Adam Carolla
All right, all right. My. My hot dog dream is over. Evidently. Mayonnaise and ketchup. Thanks for mustard.
Ben Glebe
It's hard. It's really hard. On the way home. I'm definitely stopping though for a hot dog and a pizza.
Unknown Speaker
I mean, that's the only crazy. I go over there, don't even watch the game.
Adam Carolla
Every dream, every food related dream I had was dashed.
Ben Glebe
I understand that.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Is the Dodger dog looking any better right now?
Unknown Speaker
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
The Dodger dog is a weird gray beige dog which is neither feast fish nor foul. And the problem with the Dodger dog, the dog to bun ratio is fucked up. It hangs out 3 inches on each side. So it's all dog. And it's not a good dog. It's not a good dog.
Ben Glebe
You get free bites of dog before you even get to the actual hot dog.
Adam Carolla
It's just plain dog, though, so that's a part. It's not good dog.
Ben Glebe
Then it gets better as you go, which is a very rare experience.
Adam Carolla
What I do with Dodger, what I do when I go to the Dodger game is I bring my own bun. I slide it out, I flush it up, and I put a secondary bun interesting behind it. Then it's a two hander double bunner.
Unknown Speaker
Double bunner.
Ben Glebe
That's a good way to do it, actually.
Adam Carolla
I got a mule in my own bun. When I go to Dodger Stadium, when I go to crypto, I got to bring my own relish. It's a lot of work. There's a lot of work.
Ben Glebe
They don't allow onions at Dodger Stadium anymore. No one will give me a reason. I've asked them and they said there's just no onions allowed in the park anymore. You just don't get on onions.
Adam Carolla
Listen, the real scourge of COVID wasn't the kids all losing their lives, education in their lives. It wasn't any of the deaths of the elderly. It wasn't any of that. It was everything they never wanted to do but had to do it anyway. Like, clean your room at a hotel and stuff. They just got rid of everything. I telling you, I fucking travel in first class. And I go, give me a vodka soda water and lemon. I go, we. We don't have lemon.
Unknown Speaker
Lemon.
Adam Carolla
I go, why not? I go, Covid.
Ben Glebe
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
I go, okay, so you didn't want to do.
Ben Glebe
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
What else? The cop.
Ben Glebe
When you go on the airplane now, they give you the sanitizer wipes. We have to wipe our own seats. They're just saying, we did not clean your seats.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, I've.
Ben Glebe
Do it yourself.
Adam Carolla
I used to scoff at the sanitizer. Like, I'm not one of these Covid pussies. But I realized that the judgmental flight crew chick from the Oregon area, it targeted me when I, like, laughed at her hand sanitizer. So now I just take it and throw it away. But I want her to think I'm down with the car. You're part of the sanitation routine, part of the solution.
Ben Glebe
We're all in this together.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. Skyline Grill and Spotlight Grill offers a downtown dog. No explanation of what it's. Well, can I tell you why I really got triple whammy? I'll tell you where I got triple whammy. The if you go. If Jay Moore and Jeannie Buss get you a ticket to the Lakers, as they do for me, which they've never.
Ben Glebe
Done for me, and Jay's a dear friend, so I'm going to have to text him about that.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, text him.
Ben Glebe
That's not okay. I'm texting him right now.
Adam Carolla
Text him, tell him it's not okay. If they give you that, they send it to you all via text or whatever. It's a parking. Everything's on your phone now, right? There is a place called the Patio, which means free drinks, free booze, free sushi, and hot dogs with all the accoutrements, which is back in the corner for the VIP'ers. When you get your ticket, you get a parking ticket. You get tickets for the seats, and you get the patio passes. So Jay said to me, hey, no patio Saturday night. But the other two or three times I went, it was open. And then when I looked at his text, it had patio passes.
Ben Glebe
Oh.
Adam Carolla
So I was like, I'm going to get me a free hot dog the way I want it. No patio. Who are the guys? You know the thing. Like, I walk down the stairs to the guard guy at the Bottom on the floor. And I held up my phone. I had patio passes. And I go, they have the patio open. And he gives the big. No, no, no, no, no, no. Like, hand. Like free. I like it. Just. That's fine. I'll turn around. You don't have to. Like, you're not on the deck of an aircraft carrier. You know what I mean? Like, I just. It's okay. I know you're getting a certain amount of enjoyment and like this. No, no, no. You know, it's just. No, it's close. Okay. Heading back. Don't have to pick hand. Everyone in the stadium doesn't need to know that we're not shame you.
Jason Mayhem Miller
The road is closed.
Adam Carolla
Yes. Turn back. Yeah, yeah, we're fine. So anyway, no hot dogs and extra pepperoni and a peach. I didn't order.
Ben Glebe
And Jay Moore clearly shamed because. Not replying.
Adam Carolla
Not replying.
Ben Glebe
Shamed.
Adam Carolla
Yeah.
Ben Glebe
I'm gonna say. And patio passes. And patio passes.
Adam Carolla
Well, maybe you didn't have the relationship you thought you had.
Ben Glebe
I guess not. Yeah, I guess not.
Adam Carolla
All right, you got some news. Got some news. Let's take a quick break. We'll come back with Ben in the news right after this. Hey, I'm Adam Kroll. That's Brad Williams and Jay Leno. Hey, everybody over there. We're doing our third annual comedy fantasy camp. That's gonna be January 23rd through the 26th. Right. In Hollywood, California. Where else would it be? These guys are going to be there.
Unknown Speaker
So remember, two out of every three.
Adam Carolla
Comics make it big or one and a half.
Ben Glebe
Do I get paid for this? Please tell me. Get paid for this.
Adam Carolla
Go to comedy fantasy camp.com and get in on the fun. Well, it's that time of year again. You're thinking about those holiday meals. It's upon us. And I have the perfect hack to make them delicious and stress free. It's meter smart. Wireless meat thermometer. You leave it in the meat while it's cooking, then you'll get notifications on your phone when it's ready. Skip all the guesswork. I use it all the time. We've all been there. Checking the turkey a million times. Get black lung from opening in the oven a million times. Wasting tons of time. Overcooked prime rib. No, it's a guessing game. And meter's taking the guesswork out of it. With cloud service, you can have limitless range. So you can cook, put the meat in, go on a beer run, go in and watch the game. Make a pie. It's easy mash up some potatoes, grab a cocktail, enjoy yourself. Don't just hug. Hover over the oven, over the barbecue. And it works on all different cooking forms and all different proteins. Get them the gift they'll actually use this year. A stress free life for the cook at home. It's Meter, right?
Jason Mayhem Miller
Dawson, Shop Meter's holiday sales. To get an unbeatable deal, go to meater.com and save big on the best meat thermometer out there. Get your holiday shopping in and get one for you and one for the chef in your life. Meter.com hey there, it's Adam Carolla.
Adam Carolla
Are you tired of your music sounding like yesterday's leftovers? Let me introduce you to LiveOne, powered by Slacker, the streaming service that's here to save you from musical mediocrity. For just over three bucks a month, you get more than just songs. You get personalized stations that actually know what you like. Forget Spotify's endless scrolling or Apple Music's confusing interface. Slacker cuts right through the noise and gives you what you want in a snap. And it's not just about music. Enjoy the latest podcasts, videos and even audiobooks. Want to try it out? Head over to liveone.com to sign up and change your listening game today. Because with Live one, powered by slang, your tunes will finally match your vibe, unlike that last haircut. Hey, it's Adam Kroll from the Adam Kroll the Show. Betonline is the world's most trusted betting platform and your number one source for online betting. From the earliest odds to in game live betting. Betonline provides you with all the action and the ability to watch and bet on games as they happen with the larger, largest selection of odds on everything from football, NBA and college basketball as well. BetOnline has NHL, MMA and championship boxing. All your betting needs in one place. Head to Betonline today to get in on the action with America's most trusted site for online wagering. So have some fun. Make these games in these events, in these combat sports a little more interesting with bet online. Bet online. The game starts here.
Ben Glebe
Thank God we have alcohol. Honestly, we need it. We need it. Clap it up if you're drinking tonight. Clap it up if you're having some drinks. I love that. I love that. You gotta do it sometimes. We love drinking. We love it. We love drinking so much. We don't even think you can cheer somebody if they're not also drinking alcohol. You're like, what is that water? I'm not clicking that fucking glass.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Ben Glebe is On the Adam Carolla Show.
Adam Carolla
Are you with me on the contact with the. With the cheer that the glasses have to make contact? I don't know when that started. I'm fine with the like, hey, here we go. Thank you. God bless. Happy anniversary. Now everyone's leaning across the table and like, oh, you miss me, bro? You miss me? And then also, a martini is 28 bucks and you will spill half that. Fucking Martin.
Ben Glebe
You gotta be countdown with the martini. I'm in between on this. I think that it needs to click. People that are within easy reach close to you, but the people that started you right in the last couple years, like, getting up and leaning across the whole table and, like, you missed. It's a step too far.
Adam Carolla
What about a symbolic empty glass for the clank? Like, people have costume jewelry, but they actually have the real jewelry as well. But that's in a safe at home. You know, I got a martini. I don't want to fucking spill half of it reaching around whatever. I don't want to take a slug of it before the thing because that seems like it's in poor taste. What if I bring a secondary glass?
Unknown Speaker
Yeah. Double fist. And like an Elijah out there.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. Like a chair for Elijah. A martini glass for Elijah. So I'm going to bring. When I go out to a party.
Ben Glebe
To steakhouse, I'm going to bring mustard.
Adam Carolla
No, no, that's.
Ben Glebe
No, no, that's encryption, extra glass. No, but have your whole set ready.
Adam Carolla
For whatever comes up in my trunk.
Ben Glebe
Emergency condiment and supply set.
Unknown Speaker
I brought some belts.
Ben Glebe
Yeah, I want belt. Yeah.
Adam Carolla
Jumper cables, just in case.
Ben Glebe
Extra buns.
Adam Carolla
Jumper cables, chopped up onion, empty glass.
Ben Glebe
Make your own martini. Glass, glass, clank. I think you got a lot of. And then you know what? Just to screw with people's minds, throw.
Unknown Speaker
Some pepperoni and a Batarang.
Adam Carolla
Batarang. The Batman.
Unknown Speaker
All right, the latest in the news. Elon Musk is joking about buying MSNBC with a risque meme temptation. Yeah, he used the same meme a long time ago when he was gonna buy Twitter. So this is harbinger of things to come. And he did the same meme with different text to both. Fun at President elect Donald Trump's temptation to return to Twitter, which has been rebranded X. Yeah, he started a whole kerfuffle here. Joe Rogan said that he would gladly join msnbc. And if you quote, if you buy msnbc, I would like Rachel Maddow's job. I would wear the same outfit and glasses and tell the same lies.
Adam Carolla
Oh, that was Joe's statement.
Unknown Speaker
That was Joe's statement. And Musk replied, deal.
Adam Carolla
I kind of. I like this. And maybe it's gonna happen. And he could walk in holding a sink, saying, let this sink in. And then he could find Joy Reed and go, let that bitch out would be the second part.
Ben Glebe
It would be classic trolling. Oh, there's the whole image. Now I see.
Unknown Speaker
Yes.
Ben Glebe
Why it's so tempting.
Adam Carolla
It would be. What do you think it would cost? Is the question. And then what are the estimates? And it's got to be. I don't know anything about high finance, but it has to be quite a bit less than Twitter.
Ben Glebe
Hell, yeah.
Unknown Speaker
I think so. Yeah.
Adam Carolla
That's three value.
Ben Glebe
47 billion for Twitter. Probably get, I think, for like. Like, for like $30,000.
Adam Carolla
30K. Like, what's in a Tesla ashtray of his truck right now?
Ben Glebe
Right in the frunk in the front.
Adam Carolla
What's up in the frunk? Yeah. The two terms that didn't exist when I was a kid was frunk and gunt.
Ben Glebe
I don't even know what gunt is.
Unknown Speaker
It's like a fupa.
Adam Carolla
It's like a fup.
Unknown Speaker
It's like a fupa.
Adam Carolla
You know what a fupa is?
Ben Glebe
Of course I do.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. I think. I really think we owe Mike Tyson credit for gunt. Really, I do.
Unknown Speaker
Why? Because he gave a chick an upper gunt.
Adam Carolla
He said it. He said it somewhere. MSNBC's parent company, Comcast, is looking to spin the network off into a new entity.
Unknown Speaker
Yeah, that's how this all started.
Adam Carolla
That would house Ms. Mcbc, USA Network, Oxygen, E Sci Fi, and the Golf Channel. Well, Trump, he'd love to have himself a show on the Golf Channel. Yeah, that would be funny if he did that.
Ben Glebe
It would be amazing if he did it. I also think Elon Musk buying MSNBC would be. Finally, we'd be able to get a neutral thing where it's just only pro Trump stuff. I love that. Like, when he bought Twitter, he's like, we're gonna have to equally offend both sides. We're gonna be just down the middle, free speech. And it was just like, trump, Trump. We're making sure Trump wins this.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I haven't experienced a lot of the hatred that a lot of people say.
Ben Glebe
They experience on Twitter now.
Adam Carolla
I have not. I've somehow steered clear of it, even though I haven't done any steering.
Ben Glebe
I've gotten some of it.
Adam Carolla
You've gotten some of it.
Ben Glebe
I'm also not using it. That much anymore, but I've gotten some. When I go on there, it's not pleasant when I go on there.
Unknown Speaker
About what, really?
Ben Glebe
Well, mostly about Israel, Gaza. I'm getting a lot.
Adam Carolla
Oh, really?
Ben Glebe
A lot of shit on that.
Adam Carolla
Don't get. I never get why people are so divided on that. Me, I never hear a good argument for the Gaza side of the argument.
Ben Glebe
I know they have great arguments. If you skip over the constant promise and threat of annihilation of the Jewish people in Israel, if you skip over that promise, then it's a terrible war. Of course we all want to end, but how about just stop promising to kill us, Then we're good.
Unknown Speaker
Well, I mean, I think the argument is that they're bombing a bunch of civilians.
Ben Glebe
Yes. Which you blame Hamas for, because they're promising still to kill Israel, even in the face of this overwhelming military.
Adam Carolla
Well, if you're gonna put the civilians in the hospital above the Hamas headquarters, then you're gonna get bombed.
Ben Glebe
Right?
Adam Carolla
If you're gonna use them like human shields, then you're gonna get bombed.
Ben Glebe
That's how war goes, sadly, how it goes.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. It's philosophical to me, which is Israel is essential. Look, I don't. You know, people talk about territory and they talk about religion, they talk about stuff. But there's a bottom line with. Which is we all know guys who want to fight and guys who don't want to fight, and the guys who don't want to fight just don't fight. They rarely fight. They almost never fight. Most of the sane nations really don't want to fight. They just don't. Israel doesn't want to fight. And then there's everyone else in the Middle east who wants to fucking fight all day about everything, all the time, and they'll fight each other. So the Israel, if they had a magic wand, they'd go, let's just all fight, live peace and raise our kids. Let's just do that.
Ben Glebe
Which is evidenced by them making peace agreements with every other neighbor that's at all willing.
Adam Carolla
Right. But their neighbors are all homicidal fucking maniacs who have a crazy religion who want to fucking fight.
Ben Glebe
Crazy version of their religion, at least. Interpretation, that's just bonkers.
Unknown Speaker
But I look at it like this. If Gavin Newsom says, I hate Trump, and he starts, like, throwing bombs at Trump or whatever, starts shooting rockets at him, and then Trump comes in here and levels fucking Glenn, and we're all sitting here like, oh, what the fuck? Bombs. Like, we ain't had shit to do with that goddamn, like, Gavin Newsom doesn't speak for me.
Ben Glebe
You know, like that's a very strange analogy. But yes, it apply.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, it's got some. Some, yeah, except for they went in and slaughtered people at a festival. They fire fucking rockets. They hate their own people. They use their own people as human shields. They get money and all the money goes into building tunnels, not into infrastructure. Infrastructure in schools.
Unknown Speaker
But now they just wiped out the whole area though, you know, like, I know they got some of them Hamas.
Ben Glebe
Guys, but in the death total, that's never mentioned news. But every single term is just completely mind flipped on this. It's the weirdest, like very basic bitch interpretation of oppressor. Oppressed. They think because they currently don't have a state, it's because they never have had one. And they keep promising to kill people every term. They say that Israel is white colonialists that are colonizing the area, except more than half the country is not white. And they're literally just the one little country that doesn't want more land. And they're surrounded by 22 Arab nations that are literally been colonizing the area to this little tiny strip of one Jewish land that's still allowed to exist. Barely. The Arab conquest literally closing in at all times. But that's not colonialism or an issue for any. That's not a problem. That's not state. No problem.
Unknown Speaker
I'm sure we can figure it out on this podcast.
Ben Glebe
I think we should.
Adam Carolla
Well, let's put it to you this way. If Palestine was Sweden, do you think we could work this out?
Ben Glebe
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, I do too. So there you go. All right, we solved our answer.
Ben Glebe
Let's just make that happen now.
Adam Carolla
Right. And if Sweden, if Israel was Sweden, it wouldn't be worked out.
Ben Glebe
I don't even follow that part. Yeah, I don't understand Sweden.
Adam Carolla
They wouldn't just live the Palestine wouldn't let them live in harmony next to them. And they wouldn't let it do. It's Palestine. They're the problem. But they hate Jews.
Ben Glebe
They want the west gone and everything.
Adam Carolla
They want the Jews dead. And they don't like the west, but other than that, they're delights and.
Ben Glebe
Exactly. And the Jews are fighting Israel's fighting this fight for the West. I, I mean they literally don't just chant death to Israel, it's death to Israel and death to America.
Adam Carolla
Death to America. They were just in Canada doing death. And by the way, why do we get tacked on to all the deaths too? I know what I mean. They go, they're Just shouting, chanting, death to Canada. And they're like, oh, and America, it's like, whoa. Just fucking deal with Canada.
Ben Glebe
Got nothing to do with Canada. Rightly have relations with Canada. I don't.
Adam Carolla
Trudeau.
Ben Glebe
No.
Adam Carolla
I don't like putting fucking mayonnaise on my. On my French fries.
Ben Glebe
No. Gravy's okay on it, though. It's pretty good. Pretty good. Poutine's not bad.
Adam Carolla
All right, what else you got?
Unknown Speaker
All right, latest in crow news.
Adam Carolla
Crows. Crows.
Unknown Speaker
I think we all know this here, but crows hold grudges against individual humans, often attacking for up to 17 years.
Ben Glebe
Yeah. Yeah, we have a lot of crows in my neighborhood. And my dog, all of a sudden, I let my dog off his leash now to go play. I play fetch with him across to my neighbor's lawn every. And so he gets some running in. And just one time, I was on my phone, not looking, and all of a sudden, I hear a noise, and I go over around the bush, and he's fighting a crow.
Unknown Speaker
Bro, I have the same thing. They will hate you forever. So thank you.
Ben Glebe
Thank God. I instinctively, like, yelled at my dog and got him to stop attacking the crow. He damaged his wing. He had to go hide. And for weeks, crows were, like, kind of terrorizing my property. But I realized they weren't. I think they appreciated that I saved the crow, and they've kind of left me alone now. I think I might have escaped crowd.
Unknown Speaker
Leave my house permanently. They were attacking. Yes. My wiener dog bit the crow. I never told you the whole story. This crow came back later that. The injured crow. I told you, I saved him. I saved him. And all the crows were around me.
Ben Glebe
Yeah. They're, like, squawking and circling.
Unknown Speaker
Yes. Sweeping down, swooping at me, all that. I let him go and got out. He flew off with the busted wing and later came back. And I never told you this. Died in my pool.
Adam Carolla
Whoa. Really died.
Unknown Speaker
I don't know if he, like, went back and drowned himself because he couldn't fly anymore. The.
Adam Carolla
You know, Jimmy's dog Fluffy drowned in his pool. Damn.
Unknown Speaker
I taught the hot dog dog how to escape the pool, so that never was a thing. But the crow died in the pool. And after that, I could not walk to Starbucks without getting dive bombed. Or at least like men.
Adam Carolla
I think that's when Jimmy realized something was wrong with me. Because I remember he was telling me he had his dog and his name, Fluffy, and he was missing one eye, and he was real old, and he fell into the pool and he drowned. And I Started laughing real hard. He got really serious about it immediately.
Ben Glebe
You started fantasizing about eating a dog at Sofi Stadium.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, I was like, let me get my condiment felt out. So. All right. So the reason we bring up all these stories is my Tacros, which I've been pitching for 25 plus years, on the radio of training crows to attack.
Ben Glebe
Interesting.
Adam Carolla
And using them like a police dog.
Ben Glebe
Sure.
Adam Carolla
They can recognize people. They can't be trained. They're smart. They're super angry. Going back to the horrible attack at the music festival. Paragliders.
Ben Glebe
Right.
Adam Carolla
You don't think crows would have them up. If you see these guys in Hamas coming over the top and you're just. You're going at their head. Head. There's whole murders of crows flying harder. Those guys, you have to turn back at that point. You're fucked up. And once you land, you're running through the streets trying to shoot people, and those fucking crows are going at your head. You gotta retreat.
Ben Glebe
Interesting. Kind of a Hitchcock approach. I like this a little bit.
Unknown Speaker
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
They could easily be trained to do any of this stuff. They're smart as shit. They're angry as shit. They got a great memory. They'll take on a fucking water buffalo in terms of, like, they don't care. The size differential. They'll go at anybody or anything. And when they go at your head, all you can do is try to get them to stop. There's no. Like, you can't continue on with whatever you're doing.
Ben Glebe
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
So we can.
Ben Glebe
Also. Hamas is gonna look, finally, maybe silly in the face of the world when they're now having to always chant, death to Israel. Death to America. Death to crows.
Adam Carolla
Death to crows and ravens and maybe magpies. Magpies. I don't know.
Ben Glebe
A real issue. Yeah, maybe finally people be like. I feel like they really just get angry at groups very easily.
Adam Carolla
The Israeli army should have battalions of attack crows.
Ben Glebe
Interesting.
Adam Carolla
And they should be sitting up on the wall. Anywhere there's a wall. US Border. Once we get the wall built, Once Trump builds a wall, put the fucking crows. Put the attack crows on there. See? Somebody puts a ladder up against it and starts trying. Trying to get pow in the head, go home. Somebody starts trying to squeeze through it. Pow. With the crows. Start seeing Hamas come. Anyone. By the way, here's the wall. Anyone coming the other direction. I don't care if it's from Mexico or Palestine. You're getting it. We're going at you.
Ben Glebe
You get a crow.
Adam Carolla
Right at you, you get a crow.
Unknown Speaker
Well, I'm going to warn you against that a little bit. Just because the cultural transmission crows actually have the ability to teach one another. So what you're, you're saying right now you might teach a crow to be racist and forever thereafter crows will constantly hate the Palestinian people.
Ben Glebe
And so then we now have, we now have an existential threat from both AI and crows.
Unknown Speaker
Exactly.
Ben Glebe
At the same time.
Adam Carolla
Exactly.
Ben Glebe
And taking over humanity.
Adam Carolla
Certain members of the black community out here, I would imagine, you know, carjackings and things like that, you know, limits itself to certain groups, you know. Yeah.
Ben Glebe
I mean a crow would really help stop a carjacking. Easy.
Adam Carolla
Crow would stop everything.
Ben Glebe
Yeah, it would stop a lot.
Adam Carolla
It would stop school shootings.
Ben Glebe
Oh my God, that's interesting point.
Adam Carolla
It would stop mass shootings if you went inside a big shooting in a Costco or something. The crows just be up on the rafters, see someone pull a gun.
Ben Glebe
Yeah. If you see a gun at a school, a crow comes in.
Unknown Speaker
It just happens. Never more.
Adam Carolla
Yep. You can't shoot up toxic a parrot.
Ben Glebe
But it says Edgar Allan Poe quotes nevermore.
Adam Carolla
I like that these cage fighters in their literary references. It never ends.
Ben Glebe
It's really incredible.
Unknown Speaker
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Adam Carolla
So yes, school. You can't carry on with a school shooting if a crows are hitting you in the head.
Ben Glebe
Yeah.
Adam Carolla
You have to run. All you can do is run. Being hit by a crow is like being. It's like being set on fire. You just run.
Ben Glebe
I mean it's not, it's not quite as bad, but it's a close second.
Adam Carolla
Your body reacts the same way. You don't have composure when you're being attacked by a crow. Whatever it is. Like let's just say you were masturbating and a crow attacked you.
Ben Glebe
Okay.
Adam Carolla
Even if you're really close to finishing, you would probably stop.
Ben Glebe
I mean I'm the wrong person. Ask. That's the kind of porn I look at.
Adam Carolla
Oh, you look at. You look at crow.
Unknown Speaker
I'll stop you right there. This actually happened to me. I had no trouble.
Adam Carolla
It enhanced the pleasure.
Ben Glebe
In fact, the aim is to come in the crow's mouth.
Adam Carolla
Oh, wow.
Ben Glebe
Right when he goes, quick window.
Adam Carolla
Quick window.
Ben Glebe
You have a quick window to get in there.
Adam Carolla
All right. I may have been talking the wrong gentleman. Yeah.
Ben Glebe
Thank you.
Adam Carolla
Normally when I bring this up, the guys go, yeah, I'd have to stop and deal with the crow.
Unknown Speaker
That's my fetish.
Ben Glebe
No mayhem. And I really don't relate to you on this at all.
Unknown Speaker
We were watching crow porn in the green room. Right.
Adam Carolla
I didn't know that.
Ben Glebe
Yeah, it's a pretty true. It's crony pon. Crony porn. It's a series of gentlemen.
Adam Carolla
All right, you know what? Let me shift my examples. Let's say you're making an omelet.
Ben Glebe
Great.
Adam Carolla
And you're almost done. And a crow attacked your head.
Ben Glebe
I'm almost done. Coming while making the other.
Adam Carolla
Oh, I'm sorry, that was on me. You're now making just an omelet.
Ben Glebe
Oh, it's a fully different scenario.
Adam Carolla
It's not a semen omelet. It's a Denver omelet.
Ben Glebe
Oh, you really like diamond Denver? I've had great times in Denver.
Adam Carolla
I'm trying to find a metaphor here. Maybe just let's say you're changing your car tire.
Ben Glebe
Got it.
Adam Carolla
And you were attacked by cross.
Ben Glebe
Okay, got it.
Adam Carolla
You would have to stop is what I'm saying. Yeah.
Unknown Speaker
Pull my pants up and then.
Adam Carolla
No, not masturbating.
Unknown Speaker
Sorry, Sorry.
Ben Glebe
How else are you going to screw in the bolts?
Adam Carolla
Oh, man. Man, I don't know. This is a difficult time for me. But I'm saying you will be distracted to the point where whatever it is you're doing, you will stop.
Ben Glebe
Yeah, okay.
Adam Carolla
That's what I'm saying.
Ben Glebe
Okay. Okay.
Adam Carolla
And that's what I'm so saying.
Ben Glebe
Like a non sexual environment. And then a crow comes down.
Adam Carolla
That's right. The hang glider hamas guys going into Israel. It would have fucked them up if a bunch of crows went out.
Ben Glebe
I agree with that.
Adam Carolla
Yes. And the ones that made it on the ground and were going house to house, it would have fucked them up.
Ben Glebe
And you're saying mostly because of the repressive sexual nature of their teachings. And then all of a sudden they see these hot crows. Oh, no.
Adam Carolla
This is about national security. It's really. I think you guys maybe got caught up in the sexual reference.
Unknown Speaker
I mean, I can't get out of it right now.
Ben Glebe
I cannot.
Unknown Speaker
Crows got me all hot under the counter.
Ben Glebe
Correct.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. And I don't even know what to do. A crow and a raven are. Though the raven is bigger than the Crow, I think. And we could do attack ravens. And also they're just black and they're loud and they scare people. Like, there's an element that just scares people. Like, I don't know.
Ben Glebe
They are scary looking.
Adam Carolla
If a spider is more dangerous than a ladybug, but they scare people more, you know, and they. Crows scare people. They're fucking loud. They come at your head.
Ben Glebe
And spiders are more dangerous than ladybugs. There's, like millions of poisons of spiders.
Unknown Speaker
Unless you're an aphid.
Adam Carolla
There are. But ladybugs do more damage, I think, to, like, the garden and stuff actually even know that.
Unknown Speaker
Actually, no, ladybugs, they eat aphids. That's. You release a bag of them in. I'm quite a. Oh, no, you're right.
Adam Carolla
They would sell ladybugs to eat because.
Unknown Speaker
The aphids eat your crops.
Adam Carolla
But there are bugs, all right. There are bugs that, like silver fish have ever done anything to anybody. But we don't like them. They're just weird and ugly, and we don't want them. And I'm saying same with cockroaches. We just don't. We don't want them. We don't want them. And crows are that way. They're scary.
Ben Glebe
Yeah. I was walking my dog the other day, and like, a block over from my house, there was this woman's lawn with, like, 25 crows on it in the trees, on the lawn. I don't know what she did to those crows because I almost murdered a crow in my house, and they've left me mostly alone.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, but if they all turned on you, you'd have to run.
Ben Glebe
That's a big problem.
Adam Carolla
You'd have to masturbate and then run.
Ben Glebe
Yeah, it's like having a F of raccoons. I came home one day, and they're trying to get into my own house. And they were on the roof and then the sides really hissing at me. And it's hard to get into your own house sometimes. Yeah, I would like to go. Crows versus raccoon, I think would be a fair fight.
Unknown Speaker
I think so.
Ben Glebe
That'd be pretty good.
Adam Carolla
It'd be good on the ground.
Ben Glebe
On the ground, yeah.
Adam Carolla
You know, as mayhem knows. But the crows can go airborne, which just gives you a huge difference.
Unknown Speaker
Classic striker versus grappler matchup.
Adam Carolla
That's right.
Ben Glebe
It's a strong point. But also, they can't lift a raccoon into the. So the air is limited. You could dive bomb a little bit, but then they got the sharp. They just have to. The Raccoons just sharp claw at them.
Adam Carolla
What if we enhance the crow's lifting ability with drones? Okay, I bet. And also when they, when they, when the enemy starts flying the surveillance drones over or the rocket drones, crows could go fuck that up too.
Ben Glebe
Okay, and in this scenario, what are the crows wearing? Little skirt situation, like heels?
Unknown Speaker
I'm thinking, I'm thinking like C4 vest.
Adam Carolla
Sort of like explosive suicide comic crows. Okay.
Ben Glebe
Less hot than I was hoping for.
Adam Carolla
But yeah, I like that.
Ben Glebe
Interesting.
Adam Carolla
Flying it right into the window of the Hamas headquarters.
Ben Glebe
That works. That works. It's more targeted.
Adam Carolla
That's right.
Ben Glebe
It would solve a lot of problems.
Adam Carolla
All right, what else we got?
Unknown Speaker
Oh, you know, you had mentioned AI. The tech pioneer Joshua Bengal warns of artificial intelligence risks. AI systems could turn against humans.
Adam Carolla
They always talk about that.
Unknown Speaker
Yeah, I'm thinking Y2K. I'm thinking it's not. I think by the time they figure this out enough where artificial general intelligence, which is the way that they think that, you know, it will be dangerous. They. I think it will be contained. I don't know. This is just my opinion. I think it will be contained enough and scientists will chip away at it and figure out how to make it safe for all society.
Ben Glebe
Nope.
Unknown Speaker
No. You're in trouble.
Ben Glebe
We're in big trouble. I've been listening a lot about this. Eric Schmidt was just talking about it on the Prof. G podcast, basically, even though he is heavily investing in AI and everybody is. Everybody who says it's an existential threat. Even Elon Musk signed the thing like two years ago saying it's an existential risk to humanity, but we're still going to be developing it aggressively. Apparently the big one of the big risks is that it's going to develop the ability to create biological pathogens and then just like put basically.
Unknown Speaker
Well, I don't see what benefit that would do in AI. You know, Like, I know that's the common science fiction, oh my God, the AI is going to kill us all. But I don't think it would be by the time they have it all figured it out.
Adam Carolla
Like, I don't think the risk.
Unknown Speaker
They won't unleash it onto the Internet until they figured out how to.
Ben Glebe
I don't think the risk is that the computers itself want to kill everybody. It's that just bad actors, small rogue terrorists get access to the AI. Like, okay, in China, they're creating these open source, huge AI, like large language models and other models, and they've made them open source. So literally anybody can just take it and if a terrorist group gets a hold of it, they just use that to deploy. Deploy like bad, bad shit.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. But getting back to Israel and Hamas, is it going to be worse than people are to people? Because all we're doing is trying to kill each other 247 anyway.
Ben Glebe
It's true. But they could do it just on such a larger scale, mass scale. Like it takes a long time to create horrible damage and it could be mass scale. And then the big risk is even in war is that they're. Even if like we in certain developed nations have a person between the AI's ability to launch missiles, launch weapons, that rogue nations or rogue groups are just not going to put that person in between them, then the AI will have the authority to just on its own whim, launch missiles and it's going to want to then, as efficiently as possible, kill the enemy.
Unknown Speaker
But I also have like optimistic view, like there's. It's possible that there's some way that it can just make this whole place a utopia for us humans as a thank you for creating it and then like make, you know, maybe there will be war or some type of terrible thing that happened with the AI. But I also think that it could be that it figures out how to make us all just exist and be happy.
Adam Carolla
Well, how about.
Ben Glebe
That's cute. That's so cute.
Adam Carolla
Never going to happen. Well, where do you guys come down on this? How much of this. This stuff is a sort of narcissistic endeavor in that since the beginning of humanity, people have thought this is all going to end on my watch. Like the rapture. The Rapture is going to happen while I'm here. And historically religious groups have figured out a way to time it somehow. And they go up to the mountain folding chairs and they go, jonestown, baby.
Unknown Speaker
Let'S drink the Kool Aid.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, it's this Sunday at noon, so go ahead and quit your job and let's go to the mountain. And they always have to slink back to work on Monday and beg for their job back. Right? But there's a narcissistic endeavor, it's maybe the ultimate sort of built in narcissism, where you go, is this all going to end on my watch? Like, we've had lots of society and lots of generations and a lot of them made the proclamation, this is it now while I'm here, you know what I mean? Yeah, I'm gonna watch it go down. But that's a built in now that's.
Unknown Speaker
A sales technique for every type of Thing. Oh, it's gonna end, so you gotta come with me.
Adam Carolla
But stuff doesn't sell unless it Covid wouldn't have sold if we weren't all fucking narcissistic ass. It wouldn't sell. Stuff that doesn't work, doesn't work on people. You know, you have to. It has to. The reason they're soothsayers and psychics is because every chick goes, I know it, I know it. It's like it's built in. It's built in to them. So it has to be something that touches, something that's built in. You know, the Reese's peanut butter cup works because the only thing we love more than chocolate is peanut. Peanut butter. If there's someone made one out of chicken liver and Vegemite, it'd be like, it's not going to work because nobody likes either one of those two things. It has to touch something. We're all narcissists and we all have this little. Is this going to happen on my watch? Am I going to be the last person, the last generation, whatever. We all toy around with that idea. But once religion is gone and on the way and. And going away, not so many of us are thinking rapture. There used to be rapture, but this is a tech rapture. This is like a. AI is going to start a war with everything.
Unknown Speaker
Yeah, Theater.
Adam Carolla
We're going to be gone. No, you don't. But it does appeal to this narcissistic end of days kind of thing that people have. People think narcissism is about you standing in front of the mirror and thinking how good you. You look. There's another form of narcissism, which is everyone's have to get me. Everyone's talking about me. I'm going to be. It's an ultimate narcissism. This sort of doom and gloom is a bigger narcissistic thought than I bet that chick thinks I'm hot. You know, that's that. Or look at these new shoes. Look how good I look.
Ben Glebe
You know, that's sort of like Larry David's more narcissistic than like Chris Hemsworth. Really?
Adam Carolla
I'll bet he's a thousand times more narcissistic then. Yes, because him thanking the person behind the counter at the Starbucks hate to get him because he's bald or Jew or something is a form of narcissism that transcends look how good I look. Wakeboarding.
Ben Glebe
It's true. It's a good point. Listen, you make a good point. And we have always Thought that society is going to end on our watch. But, and I'm sure everybody has said this, but AI does seem like the exponential could get out of control. Risk one that just. We don't know. I don't know if it's narcissistic. Just be like, this is a computer that can just solve things infinitely faster than us. And if it gets any sort, any bit of sentience.
Unknown Speaker
But I'm like pretty mellow with the robo apocalypse, you know what I mean? You just like go around to Ralph's and get canned corn and. You know what I mean? Just gonna. I have all the skills.
Ben Glebe
We call it Mazar and Lotte.
Adam Carolla
I'm gonna double load my condiment belt with corn. I'm gonna have a separate condiment belt on the back that I can swing around. You know, I just pivot 180. My belt, that'll be corn that'll be diced up. I think I'll do. I think I'll do a pimento type olive in there.
Ben Glebe
That's nice.
Adam Carolla
Very flavorful. And I'll do an onion, but maybe, maybe a purple, maybe a red onion.
Ben Glebe
I think you need a hot sauce on there too. Yeah, just to get people in the eye to get the crow to fight down the crows. I think if this does happen in the AI takeover does happen. And they infuse themselves into robots and they're coming at us, there's a chance they come to your house and they see you and they're like, we will let funny condiment belt guy live.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. Yeah.
Ben Glebe
What an oddball. He's got mayonnaise on disposal.
Unknown Speaker
Are you lucky autobots in the robot crew?
Adam Carolla
I will suck up to those guys. Like, I'll go, hey, Overlord, do you strike me as a chimichurri kind of fella? Am I right? I love Jimmy. Choose with the palace around.
Ben Glebe
Corolla, say you love pepperoni. Admit it now.
Adam Carolla
Love pepperoni. I adore pepperoni.
Ben Glebe
Shower him with pepperoni. Open your mouth. Open your mouth.
Adam Carolla
Hey, Overlord, perhaps a little D with that space stick.
Ben Glebe
We can't trust you with mustard. There's no chance.
Adam Carolla
What?
Ben Glebe
It gets everywhere.
Adam Carolla
How about that? That's true. You're right.
Ben Glebe
You know that in your heart of hearts, you're right.
Adam Carolla
More mayonnaise, ketchup and pepperoni.
Ben Glebe
Yeah, we only trust the Germans with that. Very efficient people. Robot half man.
Adam Carolla
Now the Audubon was not invented by mayonnaise lovers.
Ben Glebe
Nope.
Adam Carolla
I'll tell you that right now.
Ben Glebe
Slicks up that track, you know?
Unknown Speaker
Oh, no.
Adam Carolla
The very first jet engine was not created by guys who like ketchup and mayonnaise on their.
Ben Glebe
Correct.
Adam Carolla
On their schnitzel grooming.
Ben Glebe
That's correct. You will never have. Have a good dog again.
Unknown Speaker
All right. Hey, I could change gears for you guys right now. Share.
Ben Glebe
Never. Okay, share.
Unknown Speaker
Is fully aware that men expect fabulous sex from her. And she explains why on the Howard Stern show, she.
Ben Glebe
Yeah, she's 85. Right?
Unknown Speaker
She is getting up there. Yeah.
Adam Carolla
She likes. Guys expect fabulous sex and fabulous. Like. Like. Because you share and you're. Yeah. Like. Like. And they get it. They do. That's fantastic. How do you know that they get it? I mean, how do you know? Because you can tell by the reaction. It's a great reaction. Who would ever leave you? Men are cool.
Ben Glebe
Few men, but you have to kick.
Adam Carolla
Them out a couple. Look, I. I was madly in love with Val Kilmer, and he left. Why would he leave? He's having fabulous sex with one of the most beautiful women in the world. What the. The problem with this?
Ben Glebe
Because you don't. Sometimes you only stay.
Adam Carolla
Only. Sometimes you're only meant to stay with someone so long. Right. And Val was like.
Ben Glebe
He was really young.
Unknown Speaker
Yeah. She's 88.
Ben Glebe
She looks great for 88.
Unknown Speaker
78.
Ben Glebe
I was going to say she great for 78.
Unknown Speaker
Yeah, yeah. 70.
Adam Carolla
Yeah. When I want to. For me, the metaphor. Like when I break up with a lady, I go, the condiment belt is empty. Then. So this is about it. I'm.
Ben Glebe
I'm shooting. No sauce.
Adam Carolla
Shooting, shooting. No sauce. And she's like, we can refill it. And I'm like, I wish we could.
Ben Glebe
It's too late for us.
Adam Carolla
We can go into condiment therapy. Yeah. It never works.
Ben Glebe
This conversation's over. Release the crows.
Adam Carolla
Good luck running serpentine to your car, baby. With the crows chasing you.
Ben Glebe
Grab an umbrella on the way out. It's your only hope.
Adam Carolla
It's going to rain talons. All right, let's see. I want to give a quick plug. I'm wearing my wreck joggers, my public rec joggers, right now. That's why my pants look so damn good on me. I reach in the closet, and they're sponsors, so I got that going. Ben Glebe has got a special out, the Mad Kings, available on YouTube as well. The Mooch Anthony Scare Mo Gucci is going to join me for a very fascinating conversation, and we'll do that right after this. Qualia Senolytics, the biggest discovery of our time for promoting healthy aging. I feel 15 years younger and you'll feel 15 years younger in a matter of months. As we age, the body accumulates senescent cells or zombie cells that cause symptoms of aging, aches, slow workout recovery, sluggish ment physical energy. Like pruning dead leaves off a plant, Qualia Senolytics removes worn out old senescent cells and allows the rest to thrive. So that's it. You got to prune those cells. Take it just two days a month. It's non GMO, it's vegan, it's gluten free. 100 day money back guarantee to feel fantastic. It is the best move I've ever made. Am I right, Dawson?
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Ben Glebe
I love free. And I love Jersey Shore.
Anthony Scaramucci
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Adam Carolla
SpongeBob SquarePants. I am Patrick. Patrick is me.
Anthony Scaramucci
Oh, Forrest Gump. Come on, Criminal minds. Solving crime after bedtime, whatever you love to watch. Pluto TV makes it easy with thousands of free movies and shows.
Adam Carolla
Pluto TV stream now pay never. Oh, oh, oh. Riley Auto Parts. O'Reilly Auto Parts is in the business of keeping your car in the road. They offer friendly, helpful service and parts and knowledge that you're going to need to maintain and do the repairs yourself. I've always used O'Reilly. I've used to hit the one up on Foothill when I was in Locino renting a house, keeping that Isuzu Trooper on the road. And they got thousands of parts and accessories and stock either in their store or online. So half. Well, you don't have to worry. If you're in a jam, you can go online and get your stuff. You can go into a store and get your stuff. The team at O'Reilly Auto Parts can test your battery for free in or out of your car, which is nice because sometimes it's tough to get those babies out of the car. Need your windshield wipers replaced, brake light fixed or a quick service? Well, they'll help you find the right part or point you to the nearest local repair shop as well and get help there. Whether you're a car aficionado or an auto novice, you're going to find the employees at O'Reilly Auto Parts are knowledgeable, helpful, and best of all, they're friendly. The professional parts people at O'Reilly O'Reilly Auto Parts one stop shop for everything, especially if you're do it yourself or for your car in store online. You can stop by O'Reilly Auto Parts and do it today or Visit us online. O'Reilly Auto.com Adam that's O'Reilly Auto.com Adam.
Unknown Speaker
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Jason Mayhem Miller
Here's a memorable moment from the Adam Carolla Show's ACE Awards arca.
Adam Carolla
I think the other interesting topic is the whole prince debacle. And from the standpoint, when he went to the emergency room, they had to stop the flight. How about your debacle? Debacle? How about the Dr. Bruce debacle?
Jason Mayhem Miller
Don't miss the 2024 ACE Awards this December. Now back to the Adam Carolla Show.
Adam Carolla
Anthony Scaramucci is back on the show. New book, From Wall street to the White House and Back, the Scaramucci Guide to Unbreakable Resilience. Good to talk to you again, Anthony.
Unknown Speaker
I've been doing a lot of writing. Do you mind a little bit more self promotion? Is that okay? Look at that. That's coming out December 3rd.
Adam Carolla
Bitcoin.
Unknown Speaker
Yep, a little book of bitcoin. Michael Saylor, the very famous CEO of MicroStrategy, helped me put that together. So, you know, I did a lot of writing this year. You know, it's cheaper than therapy, Adam. Writing is cheaper than therapy.
Adam Carolla
Writing. You know, people talk about journaling, but writing is really therapeutic. And it's a way to sort of silently purge. And I recommend it highly. And I carry around buck slips. I'm literally scared to leave the house without a pen and a buck slip in case I have to make a note about something. And I tell people all the time, you know, they go, I want to do comedy. I want to do. I go start writing stuff down. They never do, but that's the first thing. Just write it down.
Unknown Speaker
I mean, listen, I mean, that's true. And the other book, wall street from the White House and Back, was Very therapeutic because I went through what happened to me, how I stupidly got fired, how I recovered from the firing, stayed loyal to Trump for two years after being fired, and then how it just due to good consciousness and being, I think, a good person, it was impossible to stay loyal to him. Me personally, I mean, everyone has different choices, but you know, the people have spoken. He's going to be president again. We'll have to see how it goes.
Adam Carolla
I'm not as dour about as many of my friends in Hollywood I like well. So just to be completely consistent and somebody, Dawson will tell super fan Giovanni to find this one day, not for today. But I would be on the radio in the 90s, mid-90s, and I would say to Dr. Drew on Loveline, I would go, I just want the country run like a business. I just want a business, some business guy. Now I was probably thinking a little more Elon Musk and a little less Donald Trump, but I'd say just get some guy who's a kick ass business guy and just treat the country like a business and I'll be happy. Just. And by the way, that'll be fine. That rising tide will lead all boat, will raise all boats. So I was always. So when I hear like Vivek and Elon talk about business and efficiency and whatever it is, I think back to myself in the mid-90s, yelling this into a microphone. And, and I go, well, this is what I was talking about. We're going to find out if it works or not. But this is what I was thinking almost 30 years ago.
Unknown Speaker
All right, so, I mean, you and I are pretty. Well, I think when I listen to the show and I hear you talk philosophically, I think we're very similar. I think I had that view 30 years ago. I had that view 10 years ago when I got into the government. I actually started to study the government. Remember I was on the transition team eight years ago. And then, you know, people don't remember this, but I was badged for the White House since January 20th. And so I was supposed to be the OPL director. Reince Priebus blocked that job, but Trump told me not to give up the badge. So I was coming in and out of the executive office building, working on different projects, waiting for a slot. Of course the slot was the ill fated comms job. But, but what I learned in the government and this the only thing I would say to you based on my impact with the government, you know, from a distance, I want to run it like a business and I Totally agree with you. But when you get inside the guts of the government, you'll understand that it can never really be run by like a business. And because there's a, there's an organism that the government is, that is, it's not a P and L statement and it's all also a much longer dated enterprise than a business. And I'll just take you back to the Dow Jones, Adam, for one second. The Dow Jones started in 1900. It's 124 years later. There's not one business in the Dow Jones that's still there. What's still in existence? The US Marine Corps, the US Government, the Vatican. These entities, they stay around owned because they don't necessarily think like a business. And the other thing about this, which you know will, I don't maybe make some of your viewers or listeners throw up is that unlike a business, I don't have a money machine in the basement. So let's say you and I are starting out of Corolla and Company tonight and. Okay, but you know, we don't have a money machine in the basement. We have to put, bring in revenue, use, then use those revenues to create product. Right.
Adam Carolla
Well, you said unlike a business, you mean. Yeah, we. Well, no, yeah, businesses don't have that.
Unknown Speaker
Businesses do not have that.
Adam Carolla
Government does.
Unknown Speaker
Right, the government does. And so I'm telling you, sir, it's like a portal. You go through the portal, you're now in the reality distortion field known as the behemoth of the federal government. Government. And it's a, it's a wild beast. It's got 1400. Sorry, excuse me. It's got 14 million people, 2.8 million of them in the American military. There are 5,000 of them in the executive branch that the President gets to pick and choose and staff. There's millions all over the country, whether it's in federal law enforcement, irs, Health and Human Services Services, Medicare disbursements, Medicaid disbursements. And it's, it's just, you're right, I wish we could run it like a business. But what I'm telling you is it's not, it's not possible based on the inherent culture and the fact that there's a printing press in the basement. So what I would be. Look, what I would be looking for is, and I think you may agree with this or if you don't push me back, back. But it's incremental change, you see. So what Clinton and Bush did were actually quite fascinating. I studied that era. Bush put up guardrails on the Congress. He had this legislation called pay as you go. And so you couldn't raise, you couldn't raise social disbursements or any type of welfare, et cetera, unless you raised taxes. And at the same time, if you were going to cut taxes, you had to find something in the budget to cut to bring a down. He put that in Place in 1990. And then we went to war with Iraq. Recession happened. He wanted more disbursements out of the government, so he raised taxes. You and I are both old enough to remember, read my lips. No new taxes. And so he did that. He potentially cost him the election. You fast forward. Clinton adhered to it. Him and Bush had a very long conversation during transition. Bush said, if you adhere to this, you're going to run eventually a budget surplus. In 1993, there was a big debate in the White House. Bob Rubin won the debate. He wanted to raise taxes because Clinton wanted to push through a big plan. Robert Reich, the Labor Secretary, wanted to run deficits. Rubin won. Largest tax increase in our history. 31 years ago, we had Al Gore leaving the Naval Observatory like OJ in the Bronco, driving up to the Capitol to be the deciding vote that pushed it over the top. But we ran a budget surplus in the year 2000. So it is manageable if you get the right people in place and you set the right targeting and you create the right guardrails. But unfortunately they'll never be run like a business. And by the way, Trump again, I'm not going to debate he's won. I wish him well, but he loves debt. Donald Trump, he loved debt as a business person. He loved debt as a real estate developer. And his first term he printed $7.8 trillion worth of debt. And just for people to understand that, we went from George Washington to George W. Bush, 7 trillion. Under Donald Trump, 7.8 trillion.
Adam Carolla
So I'm really, yeah, I'm a little more excited about the Vivek's and the Elons and the Tulsi's and the Kennedys and the world. And I've, you know, it's a rare opportunity for me to interview Vivek and Tulsi and Kennedy and get to kind of know them on a more intimate level and kind of walk away going. These guys are really bright and they're really sharp and I'm excited to see what they might be able to do versus interviewing. I've been on a pan. I did Politically Incorrect with Maxine Waters in probably like 1999 and I went back to Loveline that night, and I said, this chick is nuts. I called her Aunt Esther from Sanford and Son. I'm like, she's just a dingbat. She's a nutty dingbat. And I've interviewed Gavin Newsom in this studio for an hour, and he's a sociopathic nut. Or there's something wrong with Gavin Newsom. I'm just happy to go. I've spent a lot of time with Robert Kennedy Jr. And he's not a nut. He comes across as thoughtful and genuine and bright and, like, authentic.
Unknown Speaker
Listen, I know Bobby forever mentioning my book. He endorsed the back of my book. I love Bobby. I want him. You know, he's not a vaccine conspiracy theorist. Like, everyone tries to finger him for.
Adam Carolla
Yes.
Unknown Speaker
He just wants data. He wants research to support what we're doing. And listen, a lot of these vaccines have been very successful from a health and public safety point of view. I don't think the COVID vaccine was super successful.
Adam Carolla
All.
Unknown Speaker
I'm not a vaccine conspiracy theorist. We just didn't have a lot of data when we. And I took the vaccine. I took it five times, by the way. So I'm not. And maybe I made a mistake taking it. I don't know. Maybe it had some kind of impact on my body that I'm not aware of. But I'm just saying to you, he's an honest guy, and he's an honest broker, and I think you would agree with me, there's something wrong with the food in the country. We're cheapened. The food, Food. We allowed all these additives, fertilizer, seed oils, directly into the food. And they don't allow that in other places. You know, I can go to Europe for five days, eat the exact same food, lose three pounds.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, everyone tells me. So I had one of our producers over here, Nate, move to Spain and drop 20 pounds. I'm like, what are you doing? He's like, eating bread. I'm like, really? Yeah. Different kind of bread. But. But Brad, you know, And I'm like, I completely agree. The part that I react to more strongly is I utterly agree that having an unhealthy population has to be the most expensive endeavor for a nation, especially as kids. Pre diabetic and mortally obese at 14. Everything from joints to employment to. Forget about all the physical stuff. How about just the mental part about being the fat kid and trying to get a prom date, you know what I mean? And whatever baggage goes along with always being the fat kid. It's insane. But the part that's more nefarious to me is when somebody like Bill Maher said we should use Covid as an excuse to start talking about weight and losing weight and health, and everyone jumped on him. I was like, who are the people that are attacking the people that want the people to have a healthier life? Who are these people? Where are they coming from?
Unknown Speaker
I don't know. I mean, I know that the Obamas said they tried to curb sugar. They got viciously attacked by the sugar lobby. I know that Bobby, unfortunately, is going to be viciously attacked by these people. These are big, interested lobbyists.
Adam Carolla
Totally. I hate to cut you off because I totally agree. It's the lobbyists, it's the sugar lobbyists. It's multi tiered, very powerful. There's also a big pharma and everything else. I'm more interested in the ladies from the. Why are you attacking? You know what I mean? Like, can't we see what's going on?
Unknown Speaker
I'll tell you why, though. I'll tell you why. Because they believe in something called body positivity. And so somebody that's behemothly overweight, we need to be concerned about them and their welfare and so forth. I went to a Broadway play and, you know, they had very overweight dancers in the dance troupe. Now you could. People could say, well, we have to do that now because that's body positivity. Or these Dove commercials or selecting women that are not, you know, Sports Illustrated bathing suit models. And I think there's an element of that that I totally understand and I respect. I'm not trying to overly dish on that. But body positivity, you gotta also say to people, hey, we gotta get you healthy. We have to figure out a way to get you healthy. And some of it is not their fault. Adam, you know, just like your. Your colleague that's in Spain eating the same amount of food, dropping 20 pounds. Guys, give us a break. Stop putting this nonsense in the food to give our people a break.
Adam Carolla
I agree.
Unknown Speaker
Go back to 1991. If you got our weight back to 1991 in terms of the average weight of the person, $2 trillion of health care expense savings in the country. That would be 8, 150 billion dollars for the federal government. You want to talk about our government getting in line and getting expenses under control? Shrink the people.
Adam Carolla
Listen, as our friend of the show nutritionist Vinnie Tortorich would say, look at a picture of Woodstock from 1969. That's what young people in this country used to look like, these weren't fitness athletes. These were stoners who wanted to go see the Grateful Dead and very well said, they're all shirtless. We cut off jeans. There's not a fat dude in that entire panorama. There's pictures of woodstock that cover 2,000 people are in the photo. There's not one fat. You can't pick a fat person out. That was, that was 1969. And again, they weren't flexing for the camera. And it wasn't. They weren't mo. There weren't fitness models. That there was average young Americans, 22 year olds went to Woodstock. That's what they look like back then. Now you take a picture of people walking through Disneyland, half of them are on scooters. And all I'm saying is good for you, Bobby Kennedy Jr. And a pox on all who attack him as being a nut job when he's trying to get this country healthier. That's the part that drives me. Nice.
Unknown Speaker
I totally agree with that. And listen, whatever my disagreements are with President Trump, which are reasonably well documented. Documented. I do give him credit for making the unorthodox decision to put Bobby in charge of hhs because traditional Republicans would side with Big Food and side with Big Pharma.
Adam Carolla
Yes.
Unknown Speaker
And I think the President's telling you, wait a minute, there's something wrong here. And if somebody can fix it, somebody that's been working on this for 40 years is Bobby Kennedy. And so I don't think there's a better person. Person in the country that I'm aware of that could work on this problem and potentially fix it. But what I worry about, and I hate to sound cynical on your show because you have this great optimistic show, but what I am worried about is the tidal wave of lobbyists, the tidal wave of lunatics. They're going to do things to Bobby. And it's a weird place. Washington. I got my 11 day physical in Washington. Scumbaggery. They come at you in different ways. You know, it's not, it's not like business, Adam, where we go at each other like this, like in a boxing ring with rules. These people don't play by any rules.
Adam Carolla
Oh, they're going to come at him and it's going to be interesting. But like I said, it'll be interesting. How it'll be interesting if people like the aforementioned View or some of the other MSNBC folks or LA Times, NY Times, if they can separate sort of their hatred of Trump from a greater good of working on nutrition for this country or they just have Trump derangement syndrome and attack Kennedy because he's a Trump appointee. I would like people to be able to compartmentalize a little better and go, well, we hate this guy's boss. Certainly making kids health healthier is a worthy cause for you. We were talking off the air about having a thicker skin, perhaps. I was telling you Dr. Drew is a little delicately wired and not really made for this new age where everyone's attacking everyone all the time. And he's always been that way. I mean, I've traveled through many an Airport with Dr. Drew and had many a fan come up and yell shit at him and. Or me. And it bothers him. He wants to straighten it out. He wants to explain stuff to them. Nobody likes it. It doesn't feel good to anybody. But some people have a little better tolerance for it and can understand it. So you are a person person that has dealt with the slings and the arrows of life. Probably not something you thought you'd have to pick up in your mid-50s, you know what I mean? It's like probably thing you were. Once you're done with junior high, you figured you'd moved on. There wouldn't be a lot of sticks and stones discussions. But for you, how do you deal with that?
Unknown Speaker
Let me just start out by saying I think everyone has a little bit of trouble dealing with it, but I think you build habits and learn how to deal with it. I'm just going to tell you a quick story. Very impressional time in my life. Pimples on my face, polyester suit. It's 1982. I'm the president of my high school, and the Nassau county executive is inviting the 14 high school presidents from the area to meet Ronald Reagan at the Plaza Hotel.
Adam Carolla
Wow.
Unknown Speaker
And so I'm standing online, pimples on my face, face. So nervous to meet the President of the United States. And. And we're on the receiving line. He's going to take a picture. The gentleman in front of me says to Reagan, and I'll never forget this the rest of my life. There was a huge protest going on in the Victory Plaza Square right outside the Plaza Hotel. Remember the nukes? People were worried about the nukes had the signs up.
Adam Carolla
No, anti nuke.
Unknown Speaker
Yeah, no nukes. Anti, you know, pershing missiles. The gentleman in front of me, I didn't know who he was, but he said, Mr. President, there's people screaming. They've got your head on a spike outside. Oh, my God, I'd be so nervous. I'd be so upset. How do you handle this? Reagan looked at him and he said, in this profession, that is to be expected. And for me, I just roll with it because I know it's to be expected. And I would say, I would use a football analogy. If I put a suit on, it says, New England Patriots, L.A. rams, you pick the game. And I'm now trying to catch a pass from Pat Mahomes or I'm partnership with Tom Brady and I get a concussion that's part of the game. I can't say, hey, Adam, Jesus Christ, I got a concussion last Sunday playing for the New England Patriots. I mean, you know, that's what. You're on a show, you're voicing your opinions. You, your, you know, I think your opinions are well reasoned for a lot of common sense. But there's other people not going to like you. By the way. There are people that didn't like Mother Teresa. You stick your head out, yes, people will shoot at it. And if you're climbing a ladder, people will shoot salt pellets into your ass as you're climbing the ladder. And unfortunately for all of us, that's human nature. And so for me, I get it, and I'm conditioned to it. But I would be lying to you, Adam, if I told you when it first started happening to me that I was okay with it. In fact, I got called a poppin J. Now, you could look the goddamn thing up. I didn't even know what it meant.
Adam Carolla
I didn't know what that means either.
Unknown Speaker
Yeah, yeah, I thought it meant a bird, but apparently it's a big mouth braggadocio from some New England. Sorry, not in England. It was an English journalist from Reuters. He said that I'm an aloof, you know, jerk off, poppinjay. And this was in 2012. And I remember being crushed after I looked up the word, I can't believe this is actually out there. And I, you know, I was. I would have called you and you would have said, anthony Scaramucci is very thin skinned. And then that afternoon, I went to Woody Johnson's fundraiser for lupus. And who was sitting at my table? Donald Trump 2012. I sat down next to him. He looks at me and he says, oh, you look terrible. What the hell's the matter with you? And I said, you know, I'm really down today. Some journalists called me a popinjay. And then Trump looked at me and said, what are you, a big baby? Okay, well, you got your cherry broken by a journalist saying something nasty about you that happens to me, once a week in this town, grow a set of balls and shut up, Pop.
Adam Carolla
And J, by the way, the definition of vain or conceited person, especially one who dresses or behaves extravagantly. Yeah. Not flattering.
Unknown Speaker
You know, if you are a poppinjay, then you might as well beat one. But it hurt my feelings 12 years ago now I could care less.
Adam Carolla
Yeah, it's sad that we have to get to that space. And you know, for me, I am affected and probably if you want to get to me, it would be me being incorrect. I'm not really. I don't really care about the ad hominem stuff like Adam's the biggest douchebag ever born or something like that. First off, when you critique people, when you go crazy with the hyperbole, it doesn't work. It actually, you don't have to think about it. Like if somebody, if somebody gets granular and starts critiquing you in a way where you'd go, yeah, I guess some of that makes sense. Versus worst person ever born. You know what I mean? Because when they do that, worst person ever born. I don't, I. It doesn't have any effect. And then when they go that, you know, sometimes when they go like, that guy's like, I remember when the young Turks were attacked, attacking me and Chank. The main guy was. I don't know, it was a chance. He was yelling, what do you know? Adam Carolla? You know nothing. You don't know anything. You know nothing. And I'm like, well, I know a lot of stuff. You know, I mean, I could build a house because I was a carpenter. So I got things that I know and a lot about cars and stuff like that world war to certain 70s rock genres. It didn't mean anything if he got a little more specific and said, you shouldn't be commenting on this because you're the guy who said that and you turn out to be wrong about that or what have you, then I might tend to sort of listen to it. So I'm just giving tips to people who are critiquing, get more specific.
Unknown Speaker
Let me ask you a question though, because you're pretty good at this stuff. Is it going to get worse from here or is it going to get better from here? Meaning is this going to become even more aggravating and more social media onslaught and more vicious, or is it, is it like a big zit that's eventually going to pop and then we're going to have some healing?
Adam Carolla
Yeah, I, I think it. There it's a new world order in that. The old playbook, the old publicist playbook would be apologize and try to keep your job and that kind of stuff. And the new one is more attack mode. So I think what you saw with Trump and especially J.D. vance, it's like J.D. vance would go on the Sunday shows and on CNN and whatnot, and he didn't try to explain. Explain things to whoever the anchor was who was prodding and probing. He got on the offense, and you saw it with Vivek as well. I think back in the Mitt Romney era, people would go on those shows and go, whoa, whoa, whoa, you misunderstood. Let me give an explanation and try to see if they could curry some favor or explain something away. Now it's all off offense. It's all, we're going for two, and we're going forward on fourth down. And we're, we're, we're blitzing on, on every play, like on defense. So. And then you think that might cause more of the divisiveness, but I actually think it tends to quell it a little bit in its own weird way. And, and that people need boundaries and backpedaling and apologizing causes people to sort of get out of control. And I'm not doing a great job of articulating this other than to say we had this thing, like, in la, like, look, homeless people need to be treated with dignity. Well, that. That didn't work. That's just more junkies on the street shooting up at parks and chasing people around with machetes. They need guidelines. They need guardrails. They need incarceration. They need tough love. That's what they need. And I think that's the era we're getting into, the tough love era. And I think it's gonna calm down a little because it's not really effective. For instance, calling someone a racist doesn't really work anymore. It was wildly effective, like, 10 or 15 years ago. Now it's just like, all right, everyone's a racist, you know, moving on. So I think it'll be used less. I think we'll talk more about policy and less, you know, of sling insults. It's always gonna be there. But I think we've crested the mountain and we'll be coming down the other side. Side. I at least hope so. And I don't know where you're at with it, but I think we're heading back toward a better place.
Unknown Speaker
Well, I'm interested in what you're saying because I would have said to you when Ed Koch, left, and Mayor Dinkins got a hold of the city, it was slouching towards Gamora. It was an unmitigated disaster. I mean, I choose to remember Rudy Giuliani as he was, not as he is today. But when he got a hold of the city in 93, people said, this is irreversible.
Adam Carolla
Right?
Unknown Speaker
And you, you had a 20 year run for New York City. You went from 1993 to 2013. I lived here, you know. And if you had seen the glistening city of the 20 year run of Giuliani and Bloomberg, where the cops were actually enforcing the law, you could walk in Times Square without stepping over bodies or homeless people or human defecation. You could walk into a department store or you could walk into a drugstore, a Dwayne Reed, which is our store here, maybe Walgreens out by where you are. And not everything was encased in plastic where you actually just buy the stuff that you needed and walk out of the store. And so what we know is that these left leaning policies do not work. If you look at the cross taps, the vice president, nice woman, not saying she isn't, but she was labeled a San Francisco liberal and there was no coming back from that. Okay? So if you're thinking of Governor Newsom, he wants to run for president and so on and so forth, okay, you got to clean things up. Because if you don't do that, what you're learning from 2024 is people have had enough. So.
Adam Carolla
Well, I could be right.
Unknown Speaker
This could be the 93 moment for us here in 2025.
Adam Carolla
From your mouth to God's ears, Anthony Scaramucci podcast. The rest is politics. Us as well. And also bitcoin.
Unknown Speaker
Yeah, the book, Bitcoin book. Thank you, brother. Very nice of you.
Adam Carolla
Always good to catch up with you.
Unknown Speaker
You're the best man. I enjoy, I enjoy you a great deal. Thank you, Adam, for having me on.
Adam Carolla
Well, when you're in town, let's meet you and Dr. Drew. Get a stick.
Unknown Speaker
All right, that, that' deal. I'll be back in January. All right. Merry Christmas and Happy Thanksgiving.
Adam Carolla
Anthony Scaramucci, everyone. Well, there you go. I want to thank Anthony Scaramucci for zooming in and Ben Glebe as well. I'm going to be in Oxnard at Oxnard Levity Live doing standup. That'll be this Friday, 7pm so come on out and say hi. Houston, Texas, at the Arena Theater doing stand up with Craig Shoemaker and KVON. That'll be 8:30. That'll be on December 6th and then off to Phoenix at the Phoenix Tapatio Cliffs Resort. Stand up there with Shoemaker again, 7:00 on the 7th. Just go to Adam crawl.com for all the live shows. Until next time, Adam Kroll for Anthony Scaramucci and Ben Glebe and Mayhem saying.
Jason Mayhem Miller
Mahala, pick up your phone and leave us a voicemail at 888-634-1744 and get tickets to see the Ace man@adam corolla.com.
Anthony Scaramucci
Pluto TV is a place for movie fans like me and TV fans like me. They've got something for everyone, and it's free.
Adam Carolla
I love free.
Ben Glebe
And I love Jersey Shore.
Anthony Scaramucci
For me, it's the Godfather.
Adam Carolla
SpongeBob SquarePants. I am Patrick. Patrick is me.
Anthony Scaramucci
Oh, Forrest Gump. Come on, criminal minds. Solving crime after bedtime, whatever you love to watch. Pluto TV makes it easy with thousands of free movies and shows.
Adam Carolla
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Anthony Scaramucci
Did you know you can watch all your favorite crime shows for free on Pluto tv?
Adam Carolla
Totally, totally free.
Anthony Scaramucci
Totally free. They've got csi, New York, ncis, Criminal Minds, Blue Bloods Tracker, FBI, swat. All for free.
Adam Carolla
There's something suspicious going on here.
Anthony Scaramucci
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Podcast Summary: The Adam Carolla Show – "Comedian Ben Gleib + 'The Mooch' Anthony Scaramucci"
Episode Information
Adam Carolla kicks off the episode by introducing comedian Ben Gleib and former White House Communications Director Anthony Scaramucci ("The Mooch"). The trio sets the stage for an episode filled with humor, candid discussions, and insightful commentary.
Discussion Highlights:
Incident Overview: Adam recounts an altercation in Park City, Utah, where a cyclist invades his personal space, prompting a confrontation ("[04:39] Adam Carolla").
Critique of Cyclists and 'Karens':
'Karen' in the Wilderness: The conversation shifts to a 'Karen' interfering with hikers on a trail, questioning authority and ownership over public spaces. They discuss how such behavior disrupts communal harmony ("[08:22] Adam Carolla").
Notable Quote:
Discussion Highlights:
Pepperoni Overload: Adam vents about his consistent frustration with pepperoni being over-applied on pizzas, overshadowing other toppings like sausage and onions ("[18:20] Adam Carolla").
Ordering Challenges: He shares experiences of misordered pizzas where requested toppings are either missing or overwhelmed by unwanted ones, leading to dissatisfaction ("[21:00] Ben Gleib").
Service and Quality Issues: The hosts critique the lack of attention to detail in pizza preparation, likening excessive toppings to a magnetic force that disrupts the intended flavor balance ("[24:03] Adam Carolla").
Cultural Commentary: They humorously explore the idea of condiment management, suggesting absurd solutions like condiment belts to maintain control over one's pizza toppings ("[47:23] Adam Carolla").
Notable Quotes:
Discussion Highlights:
Musk's Meme Campaign: The conversation shifts to Elon Musk's humorous yet provocative memes teasing a potential acquisition of MSNBC, paralleling his previous Twitter acquisition antics ("[58:30] Jason Mayhem Miller").
Media Landscape Shifts: They speculate on the implications of Musk owning a major news network, envisioning scenarios where he might infuse his unique style into mainstream media ("[60:04] Ben Gleib").
Joe Rogan's Involvement: Joe Rogan's hypothetical move to MSNBC is discussed, with Adam humorously imagining him taking over roles like Rachel Maddow, blending comedic elements with political satire ("[60:07] Ben Gleib").
Notable Quotes:
Discussion Highlights:
Analyzing the Conflict: The hosts engage in a robust discussion about the Israel-Hamas conflict, expressing strong opinions on accountability, civilian casualties, and the motivations behind the aggression ("[62:04] Adam Carolla").
Historical Context: They reference historical peace efforts and current geopolitical dynamics, arguing that certain actions by nations like Israel are defensive, while criticizing Hamas for their tactics and rhetoric ("[63:10] Adam Carolla").
Personal Insights: Anthony Scaramucci shares his perspectives on leadership and resilience, drawing parallels between political strategies and personal growth ("[74:15] Anthony Scaramucci").
Notable Quotes:
Discussion Highlights:
Existential Threats: The conversation delves into the potential dangers posed by artificial intelligence, referencing opinions from industry leaders like Elon Musk and Eric Schmidt about AI as an existential risk ("[79:12] Ben Glebe").
Scenarios of AI Misuse: They explore speculative scenarios where AI could be weaponized, create biological pathogens, or even override human commands, highlighting fears of loss of control ("[78:35] Adam Carolla").
Optimism vs. Pessimism: While acknowledging the risks, some optimism is expressed about AI's potential to create a utopian society, though Adam remains skeptical ("[80:26] Ben Glebe").
Notable Quotes:
Discussion Highlights:
Handling Insults: Anthony Scaramucci shares personal anecdotes about dealing with public criticism and insults, emphasizing resilience and emotional management ("[113:12] Anthony Scaramucci").
Narcissism and Public Discourse: Adam discusses the societal inclination towards narcissism, where individuals believe significant events will happen during their lifetime, leading to heightened fear and divisiveness ("[87:05] Adam Carolla").
Strategies for Coping: They offer insights into building habits to manage negative feedback, drawing from personal experiences and historical examples of resilience ("[115:46] Anthony Scaramucci").
Notable Quotes:
Discussion Highlights:
Upcoming Live Shows: Adam announces his upcoming stand-up shows in various locations, encouraging listeners to attend and support the live performances ("[124:51] Adam Carolla").
Promotional Segments: The episode concludes with promotions for sponsors like Qualia Senolytics, LiveOne by Slacker, O'Reilly Auto Parts, and BetOnline, interspersed with humorous interactions between the hosts.
Notable Quotes:
Everyday Frustrations: The episode humorously tackles common annoyances such as confrontations with cyclists and frustrations with how pizza toppings are handled, highlighting Adam's trademark rants.
Media and Power Dynamics: Discussions around Elon Musk's potential acquisition of MSNBC shed light on shifts in media ownership and the implications for political discourse.
Global Conflicts: A significant portion is dedicated to the Israel-Hamas conflict, with strong opinions on accountability and the impact on civilians, reflecting deep-seated geopolitical tensions.
Technological Fears: The conversation delves into the existential risks posed by artificial intelligence, balancing fears with speculative optimism about AI's potential benefits.
Resilience in the Face of Criticism: Anthony Scaramucci shares valuable insights on handling public criticism, emphasizing resilience and strategic coping mechanisms.
Societal Observations: Throughout the episode, the hosts offer sharp critiques of modern societal trends, from body positivity debates to the evolution of public discourse, infused with humor and candidness.
Notable Quotes with Timestamps:
Adam Carolla (04:39): "Cyclists are not the king of the world because you own a fucking bicycle. Every poor person on the planet owns a bicycle. There's nothing special about you."
Ben Gleib (21:00): "Do I get paid for this? Please tell me. Get paid for this."
Adam Carolla (62:31): "If you're going to use them like human shields, then you're gonna get bombed."
Anthony Scaramucci (113:43): "We're stuck in a reality distortion field known as the behemoth of the federal government."
Ben Gleib (79:45): "We're in big trouble."
This episode of The Adam Carolla Show melds humor with incisive commentary, offering listeners a blend of personal anecdotes, societal critiques, and discussions on pressing global and technological issues. Whether ranting about pizza toppings or contemplating the future of AI, Adam and his guests provide an engaging and thought-provoking experience for their audience.