Comedian Des Bishop

Summary

Adam Carolla Show – Episode Featuring Comedian Des Bishop
Release Date: December 3, 2024

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Introduction

In this episode of The Adam Carolla Show, host Adam Carolla engages in a wide-ranging and spirited discussion with guest comedian Des Bishop. The conversation delves into a mix of personal anecdotes, societal observations, and sharp political commentary, all delivered with Carolla's signature humor and candor.

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License to Fly: A Satirical Take

Adam kicks off the episode with a provocative idea: implementing a license to fly for passengers on commercial airlines. He humorously likens this concept to existing licenses for activities like fishing and driving, suggesting it as a solution to unruly passenger behavior.

Adam Carolla [04:10]: "If you need a license to fish, then it's on the table. Everything is on the table. Taking a shit is on the table in terms of pulling a license."

Carolla expounds on how such regulation could improve air travel etiquette, referencing his frustrating experience with a fellow passenger in Portland.

Adam Carolla [07:03]: "We could have air traffic school. People learning how to operate within an airport and on a commercial flight."

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Airport Frustrations and Traffic Cam Woes

The discussion shifts to airport logistics, particularly the absence of functional traffic cams at major airports like Burbank and LAX. Carolla expresses his exasperation over not being able to gauge airport congestion before departure, leading to unexpected delays.

Adam Carolla [10:18]: "They have a Burbank traffic cam which shows you the apron, but they have been down for 81 days. What?"

He highlights the irony of advanced surveillance technology being available for wildlife observation but not for managing airport traffic, questioning the allocation of resources.

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The Andy Dick Incident: Protecting Personal Spaces

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to Carolla recounting his unpleasant experiences with actor Andy Dick, whose disruptive behavior led Carolla to relocate his podcast studio from home.

Adam Carolla [14:00]: "Andy Dick came over and ate all my lunch meat. Then I noticed a lingering cigar smell, which turned out to be his half-smoked cigar hidden behind the printer."

Describes how these antics, coupled with Dick's personal interventions, compelled him to seek a more controlled environment for his show.

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Haircut Philosophy: Flexibility Over Loyalty

Transitioning to lighter topics, Carolla shares his philosophy on haircuts—encouraging flexibility and discouraging loyalty to a single barber. He advises against being "married to your barber," advocating for the ability to switch stylists as needed.

Adam Carolla [20:41]: "Do not get married to your person. Anyone can cut your hair. That's what you don't."

Jason Mayhem Miller adds his own anecdotes, emphasizing the practicality and cost-effectiveness of not being tethered to one stylist.

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Political Rants: Biden Pardons and Corruption Comparisons

The conversation takes a serious turn as Carolla and Miller delve into the recent news of President Biden pardoning his son, Hunter Biden, ahead of his exit from office. They critique the perceived corruption in the Biden administration, drawing parallels with former President Trump.

Adam Carolla [51:10]: "Biden is a fucking corrupt politician who lies and is corrupt. They have the paperwork now. He had the CIA and he had the FBI and he had the DOJ."

They argue that Biden's actions undermine his proclaimed image of dignity and statesmanship, highlighting the broader issue of political corruption.

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Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Celebrity Culture

The discussion shifts to narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), sparked by Nick Cannon's public admission of seeking help for NPD. Carolla and Miller debate the prevalence and recognition of NPD, interweaving personal observations and societal attitudes towards mental health.

Adam Carolla [65:08]: "Every woman that I've dated for the past 10 years, like, you're a fucking narcissist."

They explore the stigmatization of NPD and its portrayal in media, questioning the accuracy and fairness of such diagnoses.

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Stand-Up Comedy: Talent vs. Momentum

A key segment focuses on the dynamics of stand-up comedy, debating whether talent or momentum plays a more crucial role in a comedian's success. Carolla posits that momentum can often outweigh raw talent in building a successful career.

Adam Carolla [71:23]: "If you have the talent and the momentum, then it's kind of insane. That's off the charts."

Miller counters by emphasizing the importance of foundational skills, suggesting a balanced approach is essential for longevity in comedy.

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Movie References and Doping Scandals

The episode features numerous references to films like "American Flyers" and personalities such as Lance Armstrong, discussing the impact of doping scandals on public perception and personal legacy.

Adam Carolla [83:01]: "Everyone doped. It's not like he fucking sat home and ate Funyuns and doped. He trained his fucking ass off."

They lament the downfall of celebrated figures due to unethical practices, drawing connections between personal integrity and professional success.

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International Comedy Ventures: Ireland and China

Des Bishop shares his unique experiences performing stand-up comedy in Ireland and China, highlighting cultural differences and the challenges of crafting humor across languages.

Des Bishop [97:28]: "I was considered an Irish student. So as I always say in America, Bernie Sanders is a radical. In Ireland, he's a little bit to the right."

He discusses the reception of his comedy in these diverse settings, noting the complexities of audience engagement in different cultural landscapes.

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Closing Remarks and Upcoming Shows

As the episode concludes, Carolla and Bishop promote upcoming shows and specials, inviting listeners to join future events and support their comedic ventures.

Des Bishop [80:27]: "Stop suffering in regular pants and give the gift of comfort this holiday season with Public Rec."

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Notable Quotes

• Adam Carolla [04:10]: "If you need a license to fish, then it's on the table. Everything is on the table."

• Adam Carolla [07:03]: "We could have air traffic school. People learning how to operate within an airport and on a commercial flight."

• Adam Carolla [14:00]: "Andy Dick came over and ate all my lunch meat. Then I noticed a lingering cigar smell."

• Adam Carolla [20:41]: "Do not get married to your person. Anyone can cut your hair."

• Adam Carolla [51:10]: "Biden is a fucking corrupt politician who lies and is corrupt."

• Adam Carolla [65:08]: "Every woman that I've dated for the past 10 years, like, you're a fucking narcissist."

• Adam Carolla [71:23]: "If you have the talent and the momentum, then it's kind of insane. That's off the charts."

• Adam Carolla [83:01]: "Everyone doped. It's not like he fucking sat home and ate Funyuns and doped. He trained his fucking ass off."

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Conclusion

This episode of The Adam Carolla Show offers a blend of humor, personal storytelling, and incisive commentary on societal and political issues. Through engaging dialogue with comedian Des Bishop, Carolla navigates a myriad of topics, providing listeners with both entertainment and thought-provoking insights.

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Note: This summary captures the essence of the episode based on the provided transcript, highlighting key discussions and notable quotes while omitting advertisements and non-content sections as per the user’s instructions.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

Well, in this episode, very funny. Comedian Des Bishop joins us in studio. Mayhem's doing the news and we'll get you all caught up on what's been going on right after this.

[Mayhem Miller]

I love reality TV on Pluto tv Same.

[Adam Carolla]

And I love that it's free.

[Mayhem Miller]

It gives me the freedom to watch Bravo's Real Housewives Vault channel.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm totally free to watch Bad Girls Club.

[Mayhem Miller]

I'm free for Jersey Shore love and hip hop. I'm free all day Survivor. I'm free all night.

[Adam Carolla]

With hundreds of free reality shows, you are totally free to watch what you love on Pluto tv.

[Mayhem Miller]

Pluto TV Stream now. Hey never.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, fans of freedom and open discussion. I'm heading over to Substack and there's an ad free audio and video version of the Adam Carolla show that's going to be waiting there in the near future. You'll even able to watch ACS Live unedited as we record it. Participate in the show via live chat. That'll be coming up very soon. You also get an ad free version of the Adam Kohl and Dr. Drew show. You also get an exclusive to my new podcast, Beat it out where I share unpolished ideas with my comedian buddies. The first series of episodes is going to be J. Moore. You'll get all this and more for the low, low price of nine bucks a month. A pittance for all we're going to bring you subscribe [e-mail] substack and I'll see all of you in our new speakeasy called Substack. All right, this show brought to you in part by SimpliSafe. If you have 30 minutes, you never have to worry about break ins ever again. Just go to simplisafe.com Adam get all the sensors you need, all the help you need as well to set it up. Custom system is going to show up post [e-mail] Adam.

[Des Bishop]

From Corolla One Studios in Glendale, California, this is the Adam Corolla Show. Adam's guest today, comedian Des Bishop. Plus the news and trending topics with Jason Mayhem Miller. And now saying howdy, pardoner to President Biden, Adam Carolla.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, get it on, got to get on the trick to get a man that you get it on. Thanks for tuning in. Thanks for telling friend. We love that about you. Right? Mayhem Miller.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, bud.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, you got some news in the wings, but I got plenty of stuff to talk about before that. Here's a concept. Tell me what you people think. How about a license to fly. Not a pilot's license, a license to fly in a commercial airline. Because things are getting out of control. And if you look at it just casually, you go, look, you need a license to fish. Yeah, fish fishing is the most American, the most innocuous, the thing humans have been doing for the longest. And you got to go pull a fucking license to fish. So first this thing of like, oh, this is ridiculous. This, this notion of a license to fly. If you need a license to fish, then you, then it's on the table. Everything you do is on the table. Taking a shit is on the table in terms of pulling a license. Because you need a license to fish in this society. And that means everything is on the table. Now you need a license to buy gun. You need or deal guns. You need a license to operate a motor vehicle. You need a license in California to cut hair. Yeah, okay, so why not a license to fly? Because I went to Portland to see my sister for Thanksgiving and we're getting off the flight in Portland and there was the dude lined up standing in the aisle with his ass in your face standing there from six aisles back, six rows back, just standing there because he doesn't understand the rules of flying, which is you wait until the person in front of you goes and then you go. You don't stand for, by the way, it doesn't save any time. You always end up standing for a long period of time. And I just stare at your ass crack while I'm in my seat on the aisle while you stand in front of it. Now it's no different than two cars going on a left when the signal changes or who gets the right of way. Or when two cars. When four cars all show up at a four way stop, who goes first? The answer is who got there first. They're just blink signal following distance per mile an hour. Look, this is all stuff we could learn. And then this dick could learn not to stand up and put his ass in my face waiting to get off this flight. And then there would be some possible punitive issues going on because we would suspend your license. Just like it's not legal to drive twice the posted speed limit. But if you do, you could have your license suspended, an ass tax. Or if you drive drunk, you would have your license suspended and then you would have to take classes. I used to teach traffic school. We could have air traffic school. We could have people learning how to operate within an airport and on a commercial flight. I just saw an article, these airlines, I think it's American. I Think they call them gate lice. Have you heard about this? I don't know why they call them gate lice. They're looking for something demeaning. It is people who cut in front and board the plane before their section boards. And they're now having to deal with this because so many people are narcissists and self entitled that they wanna get on the plane, then they wanna put their luggage above your seat and then walk to the back of the plane. And then when we land, they' up the aisle and put their ass in my face. I'm saying all could be part of the licensing process. And then we could find out if you were a terrorist. You know what I mean? We could get everyone, we could get the fucking airport moving. And then we would be dealing with people who knew the rules of the road. And if you fucked up, we would strip your license for six months. And you couldn't fly for six months. And it would keep you on the straight and narrow. How say you, man, I feel like.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You really opened up a new door to Corolla Airlines where not only do you not get baggage checks, you also have to get in Chinese fire drill section one and everybody sprint in.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm just saying we could have a written and we could have an actual test where you walk through a mock airplane, a mock airport, a gate, how to pack a bag without using duct tape, things like that.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I'm seeing a series of instructional videos on how to properly board the aircraft. You know, a little humor in there, like air traffic school.

[Adam Carolla]

There are people fist fighting at the counters now. We would eliminate these people. You would have to go in and you would have to pass a test. You would have to get a license so that you could fly. Because it is now too mainstream. Yeah, everyone can do it and it's getting unruly and people. Because narcissism has infected everyone. I mean, you know how many dogs I saw going through the airport? We could address that. How many dogs were on the airplane? How many people standing and cutting in front getting unruly with the flight attendants? Just get a license. You need a license to fly. You need a license to operate a motor vehicle. You need a license to fly. That's all.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I like this idea.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Next thing. Speaking of flying, do we. I've, I've yelled about this a little bit, but I was flying out the day before Thanksgiving and there was a lot of speculation as to how crowded Burbank Airport would be. We don't know. Yeah, we assume crowded. Yeah, and now I have pulled up to Burbank Airport and there's been nobody there. And I pulled up to Burbank Airport and the line of cars went all the way out to Hollywood Way.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

A bipolar airport.

[Adam Carolla]

And valet is full. And you got to find a place to park. And if you didn't factor that time in, you're missing your flight. Yeah, but I would like to know. So I got my assistant Kyle, and he's going, it's going to be real crowded today. You got to leave real early. And I go, yeah, but how early? Earlier. But how early? I don't know. I said, can you please check and see if there's some sort of airport cam or something? Some online something. Something has to be something. Yeah, that would tell you if lax. The way you find out LAX is a shit show, is you drive down Sepulveda and you turn the corner where it says lax, and you turn that corner and you go, holy shit, it's a zoo. I'm not going to be able to park here. But I'm already committed. I've already turned into the airport. Now I'm going to have to follow traffic all the way around the airport at two miles an hour, get spit out, and then go find Wally, park down Sepulveda or something. I would have liked to have known this before I turned in. And I would like to know what's going on at the airport. Before I leave for the airport.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

They got up to a minute. Traffic cam.

[Adam Carolla]

They have a Burbank traffic cam which shows you the apron, they say. Or I don't know what they call, but it'll let you know if their place is a zoo or not. And they have one for lax. But as of the day before Thanksgiving, neither one has been operable in 78 days. What? And I'm like, is this. Isn't this the most doable thing in the world? Isn't we have cams set up in front of, like, eagle's nests so that people can go online. And this is in Alaska. And you can sit in your house in Van Nuys and go, how's that eagle doing? How's its chicks doing? Have they hatched yet? Is one got its flying feathers yet? Like, we can put a GoPro anywhere and you can just look at it online. We have it for surf, Joe. You surf. You can find out the swell on any beach from Alaska to San Diego, right? You want to? Just about, yeah. Unless somebody goes out of the way to say we're not having a cam. You can see, I can see 40 LA beaches. I can see their waves right now.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It might be a money thing.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, and that's for ne'er do. Well, yeah, unemployable surfers. How about business folk that are going to your airport? Can we know? Could you. Is there some information that could be passed along? Because l. Lax, it is a crap shoot and all anyone does is go.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You better leave early, dude. You better leave.

[Adam Carolla]

But why can't I go on my phone and see what it looks like?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

So, just one correction on the cameras.

[Adam Carolla]

Burbank's traffic cam has been down for 81 days. Nice. LAX has no joke. Probably 15 different camera angles of many things, including construction progress cameras. Cameras of multiple different runways, but none devoted to the traffic. There's things that are vexing to me about societies, cities and politicians. If I ever got elected to anything, this would be the first thing I would scream about, is I want to go online. And by the way, put it up on one of those freeway signs. Go to lax.gov.org and find out what the wait is. Yeah, they put on the fucking freeway sign every once in a while. They'll go 18 minutes to Topanga Canyon. Like it makes a difference because you're already fucking on the freeway and you're already in traffic and you're already getting off on Topanga. So what are you gonna do, File a letter of protest? Yeah, I would like to know what the fuck's going on in the airport and in 2024. I don't feel like it's a bridge too far. I don't think it's a big ask. And also, stop hitting us with every third report. Anywhere you start coming into Thanksgiving, it's, oh, we got the reporter and they're down at LAX and they're interviewing people about leaving early and stuff. It's all they do is talk about Thanksgiving travel. Why not let us in on that information?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I don't even understand. I can't make an argument against this idea because why wouldn't it be? Maybe it's just too expensive to put up one more.

[Adam Carolla]

There's no. No. There's no anything. The answers. They don't give a fuck. That's the answer. They just don't care. It has to do with you. It's not them.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

They don't help them, too. Everybody's got to take. They can't planes.

[Adam Carolla]

They can't run on it. They can't. There's nothing. It doesn't help them. They don't give a fuck.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

All right, That's Your urban traffic can.

[Adam Carolla]

Weird. Here's a weird how do you do? Or piece of information. All right, So I have said many times or more than once on this show, the reason I stopped doing this podcast from my home in my den was because of Andy Dick. Andy Dick came over and he ate all my lunch meat. Which you do not do that to a man, especially to a man who grew up poor.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Lunch meat and pre sliced cheese.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Leave him a stack.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a big fucking deal. To a Corolla. That's. That's a lot.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Miller's Duke.

[Adam Carolla]

That ain't a handful of cashews. That's my fucking lunch meat. He came over and he ate all my lunch meat. Then I started noticing that in my office where we did the podcast, I couldn't get rid of a cigar smell. It was a cigar smell that I couldn't get rid of. Now I know Andy Dick smoked a cigar, which I'm not uptight about. But it was weird that several weeks later I could not get rid of the cigar smell. And then at some point I said to Donnie, who I was doing the podcast with, I go, why can't I get rid of the cigar smell in this office? And he goes, I don't know. And. Oh, no, no. What happened was at some point I was moving the printer or something and found a napkin that looked like it was rolled up. Something was rolled up in it behind the printer. And I pulled it out and it was Andy Dick's half smoked cigar. And that's the reason it. It was like somebody took half a stogie, smoked half of it, put it out, and then hid it from you. But you sat three feet from it and you kept going, what is this, stoner? Donnie kept it like, this is going to be worth something one day. But of course he forgot about it. But he hid it from Andy Dick or me or somebody and then he forgot about. So I just smelled. So I said, no more. We're coming here. I'm going to build a studio here. Because Andy Dick. I can't deal with Andy Dick in my home with my cheese, with my lunch meat, with this cigar.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I stopped going to the nightclub because of Andy Dick.

[Adam Carolla]

Really? Yeah. Which one?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Avalon.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I stopped going because Andy Dick was Terry Crews molesting me and I had to throw him in the toilet. Yeah, that happened 100%.

[Adam Carolla]

Tell me.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

He was like, I need mayhem in my life. It was grabbing at my penis. And I picked him up and threw him in the toilet. I literally threw him in the toilet.

[Adam Carolla]

Were you in the bathroom?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

We're still friends.

[Adam Carolla]

Were you in the bathroom at the time? No.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I was like, I gotta piss. Andy Dick. Get off me. Get away.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll come with you. Got any coke?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I was like, no. And, yeah, he grabbed me. This is my story. Wow. And I threw him in the toilet. I said, I gotta stop going to the nightclub. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I lifted him up and threw him in the toilet. Like, literally threw him in the stall into the toilet. And he just kept coming. He was just like a robot.

[Adam Carolla]

So he ruined.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

He ruined nightclubbing. Well, later that night, I fought all the bouncers, too. So that sparked up the.

[Adam Carolla]

Got your ire up your dander.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

He got me up. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't even know what dander is, but it was.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I gotta work on the telling of that story. But it happened. Sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

So he ruined my residential space. In your commercial space, you're in a public space.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Exactly. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So the thing that I was. I was. It was funny about it. As I've always said, when people go, why did you move? I mean, look, I would have moved here anyway at some point, but I always go, Andy Dick. Then I was listening to Rogan over the weekend, and he says the reason he moved his podcast from his house that I used to go to, like, up in Woodland Hills. He used to do his podcast from his den, like I did. He goes, the reason I moved because Andy Dick. And I was like, oh, my God.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

The catalyst.

[Adam Carolla]

This was like the number one podcast for the first half of podcasting. Rogan spent number one for the second half of podcast. So he took essentially the two number one podcasts that ever existed and inspired them to move. One guy, Andy Dick. That's his legacy.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, I know.

[Adam Carolla]

It was crazy.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

He's a wild man. Yeah, I know.

[Adam Carolla]

And I went to Rogan's other space in like, Canoga Park, Woodland Hills. But when he got a commercial space. But I never knew he moved because of Andy Dick.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Me neither. Oh, wow. That's.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, Andy Dick showed up, started eating his fucking lunch meat, lit a cigar next to his kids room, went back to the fridge and grabbed another handful of this or that. And then you just start thinking, I can't have this shit. I got wife, I got kids. I can't have these idiots in my house. Wow. An inspiration. Andy Dick, everybody. All right, now, hair cutting. Now, listen, I got my hair cut and I went to a place in La Canada, California. Now, I go to place that has usually have the word clips behind it, like sports clips or Big clips or some clip something. You got a guy? No, I go clips.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

And the reason I do it is what? It'll open your world up. It's like, listen, I'm gonna. Do you have any kids? Mayhem.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Sorta.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, Sort of. Well, do you sorta have a son?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

No. Okay, don't.

[Adam Carolla]

Daughter, sort of. Daughter, Sorta. Sorta, yeah. She's out in Florida somewhere. I. There are two things you should really tell your son to open his worlds, to free his world. You know what I'm saying? All right, I got three things. I got three things. You ready? Because if you don't have these three things, you will be burdened your entire life. Okay. Okay. Are you ready?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I'm ready.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. One, don't have a college team. You will live and die every fucking Saturday. Even if they're a good program, you're going to be disappointed more often than not. Yeah, how often are they going to win the national championship? And anything short of that, Not a good year for you. You're just going to lose. You're going to ruin a lot of weekends. I went to fucking Valley College. I don't have a team. I don't care what UCLA or USC does. I know people who are from here who went to usc, who went to Cal. They're fuck. I watched the highlights on Saturday and Cal loses a squeaker and I go fucking, oh, Alex Erado is pissed off and so is Robbie Levine. And These guys are 60. They're 60. But their weekend just got ruined because Cal got beat by Stanford and there were eight point favorites and they got fucking ruined. And it fucked them up. Don't have it. I don't have any allegiance. I don't care what Cal does every weekend. I do not care what usc. Like, I'm going to tell my son, do not have any allegiance to any college team. It will fuck you up from the time you're in College at 18. Tell your fucking grave. I mean, you see James Carville, he's got a fucking old retard. He's got LSU hat on. When LSU loses, it fucks him up. I hate James Carville so much that whenever I see LSU lose, I think about James Carville and how fucked up he is. And I'm happy about. Okay, that's number one.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Number two, no lube when you beat off. No lube, no lube. You fuck it on the road. You didn't fucking pack your Jergens. You fucking got a roommate who used all your Jergens. You got a girlfriend who Wants to know why you've went through her fucking economy sized tub of Jergens like he was. This is a six year. This is six years worth of Jurgens. The fucking thing is empty. I bought it 10 days ago at Costco. What the fuck? And you go, so shoot me. I like the moisturizer. It'll be a lot of trouble.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Do not get married to the lube. When it comes to beating off.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah. Gotta go.

[Adam Carolla]

Travel, dry rub. Camping.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

Yep. Hit the shower standing up. You know what I'm talking about. The lube is a fickle mistress. She's really like the sea.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

She is.

[Adam Carolla]

She'll fucking bite. She'll bite you.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Do not have a college team.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

Get off the lube.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

Dry rub.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

Off the loop when it comes to masturbating. And get your fucking haircut anywhere. Anywhere. Don't have your fucking person. I got a haircut in fucking Timonium outside of Baltimore because there was a fantastic cuts there and I had the fucking Saturday free. And I'm doing two shows that night. I got nothing to do. I just walk in there. 19 bucks later, I got the same fucking haircut I have now that I get in La Canada. Same. Where's. In Vegas.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You. I want.

[Adam Carolla]

If you give me. If I need my haircut and I got a half hour, I'll just drive to any malt strip mall and walk right in. I got my hair cut. It's some weird Mexican barber guy. And like deep Canoga park, fucking scary, weird dude with Dodger shit everywhere. I just walk in because I get the same haircut every time. Do not get married to your person. Damn it. At some point, that fucking Roscoe of Beverly Hills, that guy moves.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That's what I'm going through right now.

[Adam Carolla]

That guy moves to Seattle. And then you go, how much would it cost to fly Roscoe in for Saturday? What if I got a couple people that. Roscoe. Do not get married to that guy.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Damn it. Because I.

[Adam Carolla]

You fucking go anywhere.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

My barber's on tour with Ricky Martin.

[Adam Carolla]

You fucking cage fighters. You cage fighters. You're married to your barber.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I am. I miss him. Joey, come back.

[Adam Carolla]

Anyone can cut your hair. That's what you don't. It's all you.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You're right.

[Adam Carolla]

It's all narcissistic.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

For many, many years, I cut my own hair. Right to the point where when I do it myself, everyone says, oh, nice haircut.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait a minute. Your barber's on tour with Ricky Martin? He is. How often does he need his Ricky.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Like, every two weeks, trimmed up real nice.

[Adam Carolla]

All the time, every show, every like, every.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I know, I know.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me explain.

[Dawson]

What.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Your barber still. Let me. Let me tell you, because the guy. I didn't. I was with you wherever. Get my haircut. Where I'll cut my own hair. Just give me the clippers, I'm good. And people would say, oh, that looks good. Yeah. Because I'm used to doing it by myself. Because where I've been, no one gives you a haircut.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

So. But then, man, this guy, look, before the show, if you run back a few weeks, man, he glowed me up. I felt like I was living la vida loca.

[Adam Carolla]

What's he charge?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I don't know, 100 bucks.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. 100 bucks? You fucking know more than 100 with tip.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I know, right?

[Adam Carolla]

See, I get mine for 18, 19 bucks. And they do it like they do sheep.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

They have number two on the side, number three on top of this. Ricky Martin's barber, this guy.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

He not cutting his hair every day. He's got one of these. No, he's got the fucking buzzer that has no blade in it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Pulled the blade out of it. And he tells Ricky to sit there and he goes, let me clean up your neck. Let me clean up your neck. And it's just me. There's nothing happening.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

He's giving me a fake haircut. You're saying.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, okay. No, not you. Ricky Martin.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Ricky Martin.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you. You see him once every two months.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Two. Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You gotta get your hair cut. You gotta see something.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It's time.

[Adam Carolla]

You gotta see something on the smock.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Ricky, if he's getting his hair cut every two days.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

Doesn't need to see anything on the smock. You're right. Let me clean you up. And then he goes. Probably doesn't even plug it in. He probably just makes the sound. Oh, let me clean. Want to clean up around your ear. You like it round or square in the back? I like it round. Like, I love my women. All right, good. Knock it out of the park.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, there's something I got to tell you about Ricky Martin.

[Adam Carolla]

Maybe gay, maybe. Yeah, it's such a waste, isn't it?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Isn't it a beautiful, beautiful man. Such a waste, wasting himself on other.

[Adam Carolla]

Really need this guy to go on tour with him.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Not. I think they just came off tour, but yeah, he's like, yeah, he's definitely there all the time making the sounds.

[Adam Carolla]

You do not have a college team.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

You do not use lube and you do not get married to a barber. The world is your fucking oyster. No tethers. You're rambling, man. And the barber, the lube and the team. That's a 60 year proposition. That's not. Well, for a couple of years I followed this guy or that guy. That's your whole life. Life. It's a. It's a death sentence. Don't do it. So I go to the ladies at sports clips or good clips or fantastic clips or whatever. Something with the clips in it. Yeah, in La Canada. And it's always the same women. It's real put upon. Haggard. Seen, seen a lot. They're working a Sunday, you know what I mean? They're making 19 bucks an hour cutting hair. And they're all 65 armo women. And then there's me. I'm the youngest person in that place. And I sit down and I hear real well, Kevin, Kevin Little. Is that Kevin Little? I hear this song and I say all the time, all right, let's see if we turn me on. Ready?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh yeah. I like this, Jim.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I know, but it's it. But you wouldn't pump it into an AIDS hospice or a funeral, right? Because this is all of us sitting there. Nobody's moving, nobody's grooving, nobody's doing anything. We're just being. I'm just being annoyed.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You got me going crazy up. Turn me off.

[Adam Carolla]

Did your barber sing this while he's cutting your hair?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And then it's like, homie, homie.

[Adam Carolla]

So annoyed. At this point I'm like, just find some Frank Sinatra or Dean Martiner. Where the. Everyone here's Average age is 67 in four months. What are we doing here? Nobody's dancing. It's Sunday, we're miserable. I'm missing football.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Gotta keep your spirits up when you survive the genocide.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, gosh. All right, I'm fucking pissed. And then the next song, the next song that comes, I had to get my phone out and record it. Cause I don't know any of this shit. The next song is real McCoy. Oh, yeah, yeah. This one I knew, sadly. But again, it is flying in the face of everything that is going on in this strip mall in the middle of the day. It's four people who don't want to be in the building. It's women who've been divorced twice, who got fucked on some custody thing, who have to work. These women are in their 60s, they have to work on a Sunday. And they're making minimum wage plus tips. Yeah, and they're on their feet and they all look haggard.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

They're dancing right through that pain. Baby Jesus.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, it's so, it's, it's depressing.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Why not?

[Adam Carolla]

Why can't we play appropriate music for the setting we're in? That's what I'm saying. Yes. That sack sport clip music.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

This kind of is, in a way I remember I got in a crazy ass car wreck and classical music was playing. Why I spun 360.

[Adam Carolla]

Made it surreal.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I really like the ironic nature of it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's like you're in a movie. All right, so there was that Andy Dick. What else do I have? We have a funny Bill Maher clip.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

With the science guy.

[Adam Carolla]

No, that's Bill Nye. Oh, Bill Maher. Different guy. But Jane Fonda is a guest and.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

She don't got a motor in the back of her Honda.

[Adam Carolla]

I, I've said all you what will do. So Bill is, Bill's a very progressive guy who's been pulling to the right over the last several years because he tried to put up solar panels in his home and they wouldn't let him and they made it no fucking deal. And it took him two years to build a solar shack in his house. And all the permits and the city and the big government. And I've said to this, said it 100 times, if you live in your rent controlled apartment in Santa Monica, you don't give a fuck. But if you buy some property and you try to do something to it and you live in LA and the government gets involved, you will be pulled to the right and you will at least want smaller government and less regulation because you will experience it. My mom just was food stamps and welfare and lived in a free house and never fucking, she didn't put a carport up. So she was all for big government because she liked big government because she was the recipient of the largesse of big government. But then you start doing stuff and the government starts telling you what you can and can't do on your own property. And that's when you start becoming like more libertarian. And that's what happened to Bill Maher. It wasn't like he started interviewing Ben Shapiro and it opened his mind up a little. It's. He tried to do work on his property. This all goes back like five years to when he tried to do it. And by the way, don't take my word for it, every time he gets into an argument with someone, he goes, I tried to pull a permit. He's saying, I want smaller government. Which is not what the left wants. California left wants bigger government and Bill wants smaller government. But here's Jane Fonda's answer to it. You really don't believe that the state.

[Dawson]

We live in California is lacking regulation.

[Adam Carolla]

There's over 300,000 regulations. I mean, I once. Well, maybe they're needed. They're not. When I tried to put in a garage door, I had to have three inspections and there should have been none. I should be allowed to change my garage door. Are you kidding? Really? It was about a garage door?

[Dawson]

Absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm sorry. Yeah. That is. No, you know. All right, pause it, friend. First off, how the. You're 90 years old, you lived in California in your entire life. Your first thing is there's 300,000 regulations. Well, maybe they're needed. She's so fucking out of touch and such a bitch. And the fact that she's a national treasure drives me nuts. Now listen to me. I do not have a problem with the Beastie Boys per se. And I do not have a problem with Jane Fonda per se. I have a problem with all the idiots who worship these people. And they're horrible. One's a horrible band, the other's a fucking pretentious, self involved, narcissistic fucking idiot. And everyone loves her. Sorry, go ahead.

[Dawson]

Absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm sorry. Yeah. That is. No. You know this about California? No, I don't. Well. Well, I'm sorry, I don't. You don't. You've never heard that California is overtaxed and over regulated? That we are. We are a one party state where there's sort of no checks on that sort of extreme leftism. And why do you think I don't for a minute consider California a state that is extreme leftist? Not at all. Not any way. Well, that shows where your politics are. That's not where mine are. By the way, she's also a person who conversationally hasn't heard the word no in like 42 years. Because just conversationally when somebody says something, you know, you kind of go, yeah, well, I have heard you don't go now, now, I never heard that. No, sorry, no. So Bill Maher, just from his inflection goes 300,000 regulations. That seems like a lot. Maybe they need them. And by the way, this is half the people I have conversations with. So maybe it's just me, but it's like, could you go along with the fucking flow of the convers then? You've never heard that California is like over tax and over now?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Maybe they need them.

[Adam Carolla]

Yep. No You. You've not heard that about California? Living in California your entire adult life, she must be so insulated.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yes. Yeah. I can't imagine anybody would challenge her, really. She's in the weird bubble of being Jane. I just know her. I'll tell her the different things because all I know her, it's like she had a workout video and sir mix a lot talked about her. That's about all I know.

[Adam Carolla]

There are certain people that are idolized that I think weren't good people and have caused damage and are fucking phonies. And she's up there. John Lennon's up there.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

But she jumped in front of, like, a easy, low hanging fruit, right? Oh, Vietnam War. It was unpopular. And then she jumped in there and was like, yeah, it's unpopular. So let me get on board.

[Adam Carolla]

The only reason people know who she is is because she looks good in a bathing suit. Let's fucking be honest. So someone should just tell her, shut the fuck up. No one will do it. No one will do it. Someone's got to do it before she dies. Just go. Look, no one's ever listened to you. We just like the way you look in a unitard. That's all.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, I get it. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So that's why she was before Internet porn. She was the thing, I guess.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

With no jurgens.

[Adam Carolla]

And then later on, she came up with a Jane Fonda exercise video for pregnant women.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, yeah. That's what I know from.

[Adam Carolla]

I remember when I was like, 22, I saw it at the video store, and I'm like, jesus Christ. She was beating off to this. That is sad. More people have beat off to your video than have actually engaged in the exercise.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You're right.

[Adam Carolla]

That's all I'm saying. That's not a good batting average.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

What the. Yeah, I remember the stupid box.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, what year is that stupid box? Because I remember walking through, like, one of those video stores like Odyssey video in, like, 1987, and making a joke. Who's beating off to this? And how gross is that? You're beating off to a pregnant chick. But she kept going. She kept going with it. All right, good. She has no idea that California's over. And by the way, she is. That's how the left thinks. Which is 300,000. Regulations. Bring them on. Why aren't we at 500,000? Where are the rest of our regulations, bitch? The reason a one bedroom, 600 square foot unit for a homeless person in Los Angeles is $950,000 is because of your fucking Regulations that you love so much. And then the other side of your mouth, you'll say, why isn't there more low cost housing for the homelessness? I'll tell you why. Your people like to regulate and they're.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Not federal regular regulations. So Trump can't do nothing about it when he comes in.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a California thing.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, we got some news. 1983.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Release the pregnancy workout. I was probably hanging around the Odyssey video. That's when they used to have the porn section.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you avoid the porn section?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I mean, I was a kid, so I try. I snuck in there before.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you did?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I did. Eyes wide. I pretended I didn't know where I was. Look, I've been pulling this dummy trick since I was a kid, just walking.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, the Odyssey video. The porn section was all the way in the back and the place was the size of a blimp hanger. So if you got porn, you had to fucking run the gauntlet through the children's section and the documentaries and the fucking parents getting stuff for their kids and all the fucking honey, I shrunk the kids shit. You had to walk it all the way to the front with a clear tape.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

With a clear tape back.

[Adam Carolla]

No, you had the box. You had a box?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah. Did it have the saloon doors? No, mine had a closet door that was like a literal. Like, look, it used to be a closet.

[Adam Carolla]

There was the saloon doors, which always cracked me up because, like, they could see I wanted to open them up and go, all right, partner, there's only room for one pathetic masturbator in this fucking town.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Get a rope.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. There was the saloon doors, and then there were beads on occasion, too. The bead door was kind of a weird one, too. And then there was a weird gauntlet in there because you had to deal with the dudes that were in there, buddy.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I worked at a porn specific store for a little bit.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yes. Like three days. I worked the night shift.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but there's no judgment because it's all porn. You don't have to run the family gauntlet on the way out and then get in line.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You're right. Once you're in that seedy part of town anyway, everything's off limits. There's hookers down this street. And it's like, I beat off. Store is right here. Spanky's. Shout out to my old sponsor, Spanky. Spanky's Porno store.

[Adam Carolla]

I want. I went to an all porn store once. Yeah, I was. It was on Western Avenue in Like la, Hollywood la? Yeah, I had a one. It's not a one bedroom, just a one room single in Hollywood that I lived in with my girlfriend. You know, there's one VHS deck and that was in the one room that was in the fucking place. Like there was no. You couldn't have any quality time alone. Yeah, yeah, I get it because I had the girlfriend. But I got out of work for some reason. I was swinging a hammer at the time. I mean, I was working construction full time that time for some reason. We broke at noon at lunch and everyone went home and I thought, you know, I think I could swing by that vid store off of Western, grab a vid, get back to the single before my girlfriend gets back out of her job. You know, she comes in at four or something, it's noon, you know. And I knew normally I would roll in at 4 too, so I didn't have any quiet time, you know. So I park my truck and I go to the vid store and it's like 2:30, whatever it was, and I go in there and I shop around. And it's on Western. And so the door is just. There's Western Boulevard and then a sidewalk and then the door and it's got the nude stuff and the big sign and all that kind of stuff. And it's by like Western and Hollywood I think. And I go in and I get this thing and I get the vid and it's always dark in there. It's a little bit dark in there and there's no windows or skylights or anything. So when you open the door, you get that rush of like sunlight, your pupils dilate. And I open the door and there was a school bus, the big one, not the short one, the full school bus against the curb. The guy was waiting to turn right off of Western onto Hollywood. And they were stacked up back about four cars and they were just parked there. And every single one of those junior high kids had their head pushed against the window looking at the porno shop. And I just come walking out of there and I was like. And all were like, oh yeah, yeah. And I was like, oh shit, man. Started running for my truck. Oh my God. Very embarrassing.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, it's a tough time.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's what we had to do.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I was training for fights while I worked at that.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh really?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I worked there for three days, sponsor me. So I always had my shorts that said Spankies on the ass, which is kind of weird to begin with. I had this weird girlfriend that snored really loud. And, man, I would go to work at midnight. Go to work at midnight, drive back in traffic and have to go try to take a nap before fight practice with just visions of gaping anuses floating in my head. It was the worst job in the entire planet. And then I would ask the guys, like, man, who the hell is buying this fist? I'm like, what kind of girl would fit this dinner? And they're like, that's not for girls.

[Adam Carolla]

Nothing's for girls. Nothing.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Dildo. Like, I'm like, really? Yeah. I was like, all right, I got to quit.

[Adam Carolla]

Remember, the answer to every question is either gay or black. And you go, who would lease car rims? You'll have your answer if you just think gay or black. Like, who. What woman would put a fist?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I got it.

[Adam Carolla]

If you just go gay or black, it'll answer all of life's mysteries for you. All right.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

All right. Thanks.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. The other thing is, you had to do this. There are no returns on vibrator. No, you gotta fire that shit up in the store.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

They would give back the DVD or videotape. And, man, they. It was. They. It was stuff. It was stuff on there that wasn't supposed to be on there. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, let's cleanse our palate. Take a quick break. We'll do some news right after this. Hey, I'm Adam Krall. That's Brad Williams and Jay Leno. Hey, everybody over there. We're doing our third annual comedy fantasy camp. That's going to be January 23rd through the 26th. Right. In Hollywood, California. Where else would it be? These guys are going to be there. Remember, two out of every three comics make it big or one and a half. Do I get paid for this? Please tell me. Get paid for this. Go to comedyfantasycamp.com and get in on the fun. Yeah. Simply safe right now. That's the best time of the year to get some home security. Simplisafe. Well, they're extending their Black Friday deal only for my listeners. Last chance to protect your home at Simplisafe's lowest prices of the year. We all use Simplisafe here. We've used them for years. Over a decade, they've been a sponsor. It's great because everything is modular, so if you move, you can pick up your system and leave and take it with you. That's simply safe. They have active guard outdoor protection. Changes the game by preventing crime before it happens. That's right. Let's not find the person in your house. Let's Find them outside your house. If someone's lurking around acting suspicious, agents see them in real time, talk to them directly, set off the spotlight, even call the police. No long term contracts and no big time fees. It's about a buck a day for the SimpleLife protection. It's SimpleSafe, right Dawson?

[Des Bishop]

SimpleSafe is extending its massive Black Friday deal for our listeners this week. Only take 50% off any new system with a select professional monitoring plan. This is your last chance to claim their best offer of the year. Head to SimpliSafe.com Adam to claim your discount and make sure your home is safe this season. Don't wait. This offer won't last long. Keep your home, your family and your peace of mind. Protect with Simplisafe. There's no safe like Simplisafe Hydro this holiday season.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, there should be only one fitness gift on your list and that's not a treadmill or an elliptical or a bike. Give the gift of the full body workout from the comfort of your own home. Hydro rower. I love this thing. It works. 96. Sorry. It works 86% of your muscles, arms, legs, core, all in just 20 minutes. The workout are led by Olympians and world class athletes filmed all over the world. It's beautiful. You think you're there, you're on the Thames river, the Nile. I've never been to the Nile. Not sure if they have the Nile. They have beautiful locations all over the world. It's spectacular. You get lost in it. You forget you're working out. You think you're just on a vacation somewhere. And, and hydro, well, they have you covered because they have free standard shipping, 30 day risk, free trial and a one year warranty. It works. It makes workouts interesting and it's fast and no excuses. 20 minutes. Do it in your own home. It is hydro. Right Dawson?

[Des Bishop]

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Des Bishop]

It's time to check Adam's voicemail. Guys, this is Daniel from Bakersfield. I'm drunk as right now. I just want to see, say, like, while I'm being all sincere and drunk, that mayhem is a great addition to your show. And you gotta keep them and do whatever you can to keep them. And that's it. You can leave us a message at 888-634-174.

[Adam Carolla]

Manager from Spanky Cocktails.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Hey, they said, hey, if the manager asks you to beat off for $500, don't do it unless you want to.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, what do we got in the news?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

In the news. Something that we probably knew that was going to happen. Biden pardons his son Hunter Biden, ahead of exit from Oval Office. Now this is when I wish my daddy was president. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. He pardoned him back 10 years, though. It's kind of interesting. Number one, I think Biden is pardoning himself because he's implicated most of burisma stuff. And I. Okay, I want to explain this just one more time to everybody.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

All right?

[Adam Carolla]

The difference between Biden and Trump, the difference is everyone has been selling Biden as we're going to move back toward dignity. The adults are going to be in the room now. And we're not going to deal with this guy and his corrupt family named Trump who's all about the money. And we're going to steer it back toward quiet dignity and statesmanship. Democracy and democracy. Okay, that's fine. Except for Biden is corrupt.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. You can say Trump is corrupt. Corrupt. But then say Biden is corrupt, too, because he's got a fucking son who's running all over the world cutting deals with Ukrainian energy companies and China and Russia. And then they're kicking money back to Joe Biden and his brother's involved. And every one of the Bidens is involved with hundreds of or tens of shell companies. So he's in it. So spare me. All I'm saying is when you talk about Trump, spare me the attitude, because Biden is all of that and more.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I always look at it like this, like, okay, I'm in the fight business. If my guy pokes the guy in the eye, I didn't See it, right? Whoops. You know what I mean? And if their guy does anything, like, they stop the fight too early, it's bullshit. That's bullshit. And I'm angry. And that's the big game.

[Adam Carolla]

And Biden's also huge liar. Like, it's the weirdest thing to keep track of all of Trump's lies.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Isn't that the job?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Biden lies his fucking ass off. I'm just saying he's a shit president who lies and is corrupt. Yeah, so don't give me the, well, he's a shit president, but he's a moral beacon for all of us. No, he is not. He's a fucking corrupt politician. They have the paperwork now. He had the CIA and he had the FBI and he had the doj, and he had CNN and they had LA Times and had everyone running interference, including the tech bros. Everyone ran interference for him and his fucking corrupt son. But they're criminals.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Well, his statement said that they're using the. You know, that he was treated differently because he.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, he was.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I think that's true.

[Adam Carolla]

They tried to treat him better. They tried to cut a sweetheart deal with him, and then some judge found it. Yeah, look, it's. It's okay. You tell me how else this is gonna go, right? You're the President of the United States. You're in charge. You know the FBI, you know the doj, you know all of these people, right? And your son gets accused of a bunch of shit. So you go to those people and you go, you don't really wanna run afoul of me, but you gotta do something, but take it easy.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, it's a time immemorial. It's like, all right, I'm the mayor of the city. The police chief catches my son driving drunk. And I go to him like, hey, Herb, I know the kid had tilted a few, but give him a dry, reckless dry, or something, like, knock it down a few pegs. You know how the game is played, right? And I'm going to appoint you next. Whatever. And that's all he was doing. But that's saying that's what corrupt politicians do. But also. So. Remember when I was making fun of Dawson? I would always make fun of Biden when he'd go, I've never talked to my son about business ever. Like, oh, he never did. So what's he. Does he know why he's pardoning him or what he was accused of? Does he know anything about his business? He flies on Air Force Two to Ukraine to do A deal with an energy company. You don't think your dad, vice President of the United States, who's also dealing with Ukraine, Biden, has any discussions with you about this subject? Okay, we got the clip, though, because it makes me. You know what I like about Biden? When Biden. So. So there's. There's two kinds of lying. You ready? There's. There's this kind. Accuse me of you. Be you. Be my boyfriend. Let's just say we're gay. Accuse me of cheating. There's this kind of lying.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Were you out with someone else?

[Adam Carolla]

No. No. I love you. I would never, never step out on you. I worship you. Okay, that's one. And then there's Biden lying. Go ahead and accuse me.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Were you sucking his dick?

[Adam Carolla]

I never sucked a dick. I never saw a dick. This is the first time I heard the word dick. And you. We're sucking cock.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, my God.

[Adam Carolla]

See, they're both lies. One is on the offense lie, and the others on the defense line. He does the on the offense lie, which is, did you know about your son's business dealing? He goes, no, And I've never. All right, here it is. It's Good. This is 2020, I guess. Mr. Vice President, how many times have.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You ever spoken to your son about his overseas business?

[Adam Carolla]

I've never spoken my son about. Here's what I know.

[Dawson]

I know Trump deserves to be investigated.

[Adam Carolla]

He is violating every basic norm of a president. You should be asking him the question. Nancy goes on the offense except for.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, that's that gaslighting lying.

[Adam Carolla]

I love it. Yeah, he's never talked to his son about this. I mean, the one thing about. The thing that pisses me off about Joe, about Joe Biden, is people go, look, he's a statesman and he's elderly, and he served this country, and his memory is failing, and he's having an issue with cognitive difficulty. And so we have to respect that. It's like, no, no, he's a liar. He's a corrupt politician who lies. Stop building him up like he's some sort of virtuous, moral guy and has had some cognitive issues. He lies like every other fucking politician.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I don't know why we don't streamline it and just let these guys get away with everything. Like, I just. Trump, come in. All right, now. Make all the money with your family. No big deal. Like, let's just, like, streamline America. Like, make it like, one thing.

[Adam Carolla]

We're writing this down. Cage fighter, former employee of the year at the porn store has an idea.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

Streamline, streamline.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Just let everybody go ahead. Corruption is not no longer corrupt. Just do it. Do it.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, we're kind of there.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

All right, good.

[Adam Carolla]

We have another clip that I love of buying. Never talking to his son about it. Peter Tucey from Fox. There's this testimony now where one of your son's former business associates is claiming that you were on speakerphone a lot with them talking business. Is that what.

[Dawson]

Never talked business.

[Adam Carolla]

And I know you'd have a lousy question. Well, what do you. It's.

[Dawson]

Why is that a lousy question?

[Adam Carolla]

Because it's not true. Thank you, Mr. President. He's never talked business with anyone. So he says, all right, we're to make it to 80 and have never had a business conversation with anyone. But I think he meant his son. All right, so he's pardoned him even though he said he would never pardon him. So he's a liar. So that's fine. That's the business. Just stop looking at him as some standard, that's all. He's another corrupt politician who had shit policy. So it's kind of lose, lose. I don't mind. It's like if Jimmy Carter was corrupt, then we'd have Joe Biden. Yeah, if Reagan was corrupt, we'd have good policy with a corrupt politician, but at least we'd have a stout border and some lower taxes, that's all.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah. Speaking of pardons, Trump, he had promised some January 6th pardons, but his post election silence is making loyalists nervous. Everybody's a little bit sketched out because he hasn't said a damn word about pardoning the 1500 people for their roles in the riot.

[Adam Carolla]

He plays it pretty close to the vest.

[Des Bishop]

That's right.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I figure he's going to just stamp them on out. Right? And get my damn cousins out.

[Adam Carolla]

Look, certain of those January 6th people are in prison because they should be. And then certain ones are in there so they can pad their numbers because they're trying to make a case. You hear Biden and the DOJ and all the folks from the January 6th committee saying there's 1500 people in jail, you tell me. Well, they're trying to. To pad their numbers. So if you deserve to be in prison, then you deserve to be in prison. But your worst nightmare is padding their numbers when you're wandering around. You walk through an open door and wander around and you're in fucking prison now because they're trying to pad their numbers. That's not what you want. And they will try to pad Their numbers, they make.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

So they say, where would the line be? It's an interesting question.

[Adam Carolla]

This is the greatest attack on America since Pearl harbor, and now you have to back it up. Also you go, white supremacy is the biggest problem this country faces. And now you need to pad your numbers. And so a lot of people are getting sucked into the number padding, and that's not where you want to be. So anyone who's in there, and there's a lot of them, because they were trying to make a case over January 6th and win an election because of it, and pad their numbers, those people should be out.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

They say they're gonna do. Trump will do pardons on a case by case basis.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, some people don't need to be in there.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Well, in your opinion, what, like, where's the line? Because to me, if you shit on.

[Adam Carolla]

The desk, there's a guy who. God, he was on Prager a couple times. He was like a reporter or whatever, and he wandered in to the open door and then they later on arrest him. He didn't. Violating, you know, he didn't put his hands on anybody. He didn't destroy any property, didn't do anything. Some people are, look, nobody's been charged for an insurrection. They've been charged for trespassing. So I don't know how there could be an insurrection if no one's being charged for an insurrection. But this guy wandered around. His name, we can figure his Name out. It's January 6th. Prisoner, maybe Dennis Prager. Nice guy. I actually ran into him and Dennis having lunch and sat down with him the day before he was going to prison. He was a good looking young guy and he's like a Christian.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And they said to him, just admit that you were part of the resurrection or whatever, insurrection. Just admit that you're guilty and we'll give you probation. John Strand.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That's what they do in all of his.

[Adam Carolla]

And he said, I'm Christian. Participate in a crime and I will not admit that I did this. And they said, okay, then we're locking you up. And they locked him up even though they knew he didn't do anything. And they put these guys in solitary and shit. I mean, look, they've weaponized the criminal justice system against these people. Now they do it all the time, but they're doing it to make a point. Their whole thing is, look, here's what they did. January, I mean, let's just break down the game.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Trump has a rally. Trump thinks he won. You can argue about that, but he has A rally. Then he tells everyone to peacefully and patriotically march to the Capitol. Okay, why do they cut out the peaceful and patriotic part? They're trying to make a case, Then they go in. Then it turns into a riot. All right, but it's not an insurrection. It's a riot. The Democrats think they're gonna win an election by running on this, so it behooves them to turn this riot into an insurrection. And that's how they can win their next election. So that's when they start the committee. First thing they do when they start the committee is they throw anyone on the committee who disagrees with them off the committee. Then they lose a bunch of files and tapes and destroy a bunch of evidence and shit like that and cook the box. Nowhere in the committee do they ever figure out why there weren't patrols there, why there were not National Guardsmen there. Trump asked for national guard there. 10,000 before they denied him. And then nobody asked why they denied him and how come their presence wasn't there. There's footage of Nancy Pelosi explaining that that was her fault, that she should have done it. They ignored everything, turned it into an insurrection and took a bunch of people that didn't need to be incarcerated and padded. So those people need to be released.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah. This guy Griffin called it.

[Adam Carolla]

And it never worked because they couldn't convince the American people that it was the greatest attack since Pearl Harbor. They called it an armed insurrection. There was one shot fired that day. It was a Capitol policeman shooting a chick in the face.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

They tried to pat it everywhere they could. Pat it. They couldn't.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Call it the greatest entrapment in American history. Yeah, that's.

[Adam Carolla]

They call it an armed insurrection where many Capitol police died. No Capitol Police died. None. And it wasn't armed, unless you count.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Heart attacks the next day.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, they counted suicides.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Months on.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I know.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. All right. They tried to lie about something. It didn't really work with the American people, but that's all they were running on. They should have got back to whatever the fucking issues people were interested in. So Trump should pardon some, which are going to end up being a lot because they were padding their numbers, and then others should be there.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

To be continued. We'll see.

[Adam Carolla]

This.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yep. Nick Cannon's in the news. Says he's seeking help for his narcissistic personality disorder.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I think. I think wanting to have so many kids is a narcissist.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Kind of weird. Really weird. Yeah. Just spread your seed everywhere.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he told us Videotapes, he said.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I still don't understand it all the way, but I kind of always wanted to get tested for it.

[Adam Carolla]

We have. I don't know, though. Is narcissistic disorder. Is that like. Are you an alcoholic?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

Ever take one of those tests?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I don't know. Every. Every woman that I've dated for the past 10 years, like, you're a fucking narcissist. And I think that that's the diagnosis. You. They have to say narcissist.

[Adam Carolla]

We should have never taught chicks that word. I know somebody taught them. Some taught him the word narcissist, like, seven years ago, and now they're like, you're a narcissist. Like, you just learned that word. Yeah, I know before that you were saying literally when you didn't mean literally. Now you're calling everyone a. You're literally a narcissist. We should have never taught him that word. It's our fault. Yeah, they love narcissists. But. So here's what I'm saying. Take those tests. Are you an alcoholic? They're like, do you find it relaxes you in social situations? Yeah. Do you find after you hear bad news, you'd like to have a drink? Okay. All right. Do you find yourself ordering a cocktail when you go out to. Okay, I've said Yes the first 10 of these. Well, if you said yes to three or more, it's like, listen, you can't say, well, do you sometimes have a second glass of wine? It's like, yes.

[Des Bishop]

The multiples number that they put in there is extremely low. Do you sometimes have more than two drinks a night?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. It happens. It happens. Yeah. All right, we have the clip of Nick Cannon, I believe. I want to go to the other end of the spectrum, because even in. I have been diagnosed with a narcissistic. You mean clinically diagnosed with that.

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. But when I did get diagnosed with it, because I have no problem with it, is There's. It's a spectrum. You know what I mean? And I think even it starts off with, like, confidence, overconfident, arrogance. And then you. That's when, you know, you step into the space of narcissism, and in that, there's markers. And when someone has, like, extreme narcissistic behavior disorder, it has things like the lack of empathy, rage, all of those things. I don't have those, like, the things. And I was just going to ask.

[Dawson]

You, how many of those symptoms do you identify with?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. Like, I identify with all of them. Except for those two. Except for the rage and the. Yeah, I have no rage. And I had. You know, I'm very impressed and you know, I believe like that's just nature. You know what I mean? Like my grandmother taught me well, I think what he's kind of saying. But I don't know this to be true. But I do know a couple of dudes. I wanted to write a book called Personal Momentum, which I don't really have any of that. People think I do, but I really don't. But I think so Everyone thinks they're kind of pragmatic. But let's just put it to you this way. I know guys that don't really offer that much, but they have a lot of personal momentum.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh yeah. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Nick Cannon appears to be talentless to me, but he hosts seven TV shows and he hosted a standup thing and everything. And I've never really went, did you hear what Nick Cannon said or that Nick Cannon bit? I don't. Joe, is Nick Cannon a standup or like, do we know these guys? Right. Like they're not lot to them other than momentum. Right. They. Which works because most people just sort of follow along with momentum.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

If he's a stand up.

[Adam Carolla]

He's one of those guys that like.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I've been doing standup for 20 years. I never ran into Nick Canada, a standup club.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Me neither. Right. So if he is.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

He isn't wilding out, I believe like he was like on a rap show where he like they did kind of freestyle improv rap and like that was what he kind of blasted off from, I believe.

[Adam Carolla]

But Nick Cannon has amassed a fortune on Personal Momentum is what he's.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

What the. The black.

[Adam Carolla]

Damn.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

What's the guy's name?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, Ryan. See, Ryan Seacrest.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, he's kind of.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, kind of. Kind of. Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Where he's like not like super awesome at rapping. He's not awesome at anything, but he's good. Milk toast for whatever.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. He just has. He believes in himself and he says, I want a microphone and I want to get in front of people and then I don't have anything to talk about. I know those people and it works.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, I see.

[Adam Carolla]

And then I know people who are talented who don't have any personal momentum and they don't really get as far. So here's the thing. If you're really talented it at almost anything, you can make a living at it, but you're not going to be huge.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, you just work, but you need that momentum.

[Adam Carolla]

If you have the talent in the momentum, then it's kind of insane. That's off the charts. But if you said. All right, let's just put it this way. If you said to me, your son. The son who can get his hair cut anywhere. The son who goes for the dry rub.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

The son who does not have a college football team.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Alabama.

[Adam Carolla]

No. No team.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

Would your hope for that boy be that he was basically a 9? Or let's say an 8 or a 9 in the talent department? Let's just say he was a comedian or did comedy. Eight or nine in a comedy department, but a three in the momentum department. Or would you like to be eight or nine in the momentum department and like a five in the comedy department? I'd say I'd much rather he be a five with a ton of momentum. Now. The momentum can't take a three and get you out of the mire.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

It can take a five and get you there.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It's interesting proposal. Yeah. It's, like, strange.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna have to have a long talk with my boy after the show you do, son, sit down. We're gonna cover a lot of territory.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Throw that Jergens away.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me smell your dick, boy.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, my God.

[Adam Carolla]

I'd never say that. I'd hire someone to do that.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Mark Zuckerberg dines with Donald Trump at Mar a Lago. After pushing for a meeting to discuss new administration, he was grateful for the invitation.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh. Cannon received his first break doing standup and his comedy, his father's local cable public access TV program, when he was 11. That's also when I was 11. Any adult? No, you wouldn't have to be adult. Anyone over 15, if I stood up and started talking, could walk by me and go, sit down. Shut the fuck up. And I'd go, oh, sorry. And I would just sit down on the floor. Like, I wouldn't think, give me a microphone. I'm gonna do my thing.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, well, I don't know. I think black people have a whole different thing. They go to church and everyone stands up and talk. It's like different culture. Like white culture is shut the fuck up, sit the fuck down. And maybe.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I think I am. Yeah, I know because I grew up in the hood.

[Adam Carolla]

I didn't grow up with shut the fuck up and sit the fuck down. I grew up with. Huh? What were you saying?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I had shut the fuck up all the time.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. See what happened?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Get out of here.

[Adam Carolla]

So Zuckerberg is Zuckerberg's ass man, kissing the ring.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I don't know if we have a clip of that. I know that Donald Trump really, he juiced it up about that. Mark Zuckerberg was kissing his ass.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, look, everyone's got to come over and kiss the ring because it's all commerce. And now there's a new. It used to be better commerce to think like Jane Fonda. Now it's better commerce to think like Trump. And so all the places that are in the business of business are gonna go kiss his ass. DEZ Bishop, who is a funny stand up comedian, is here. He's got a new special out. We'll talk about that. Got some dates coming up. We'll do that right after this. Public rec. Nice pants. Well, sometimes they look nice, but they suck. They're stiff, they're uncomfortable, the fabric squeezes. The family jewels stay comfy and classy. This season with public Rex daymaker pants give the gift of comfort. This holiday season with public Rex daymaker pants. For a limited time, you get 20% off your entire order with the code [e-mail] this stuff is great. I'm wearing my public rec pants right now. I'm wearing the sweats, the joggers. You get them the size you need. You don't get large or extra large. You get the waist and the inseam. Ah. And the pants so comfortable. And again, it's not small, medium and large. You get the pants that are your size, your length, your width. They fit perfectly. 10 unique colors including navy, dark olive and stone gray. I got the. I'm wearing my black joggers right now. Beautiful. And just held my leg up. Hope you saw that. There's a proprietary blend of performance materials and it provides the perfect combination of breathability and stretch. It's just, it's comfortable, it's dynamic and it looks great. You'll love it. It's public rec, right, Dawson?

[Des Bishop]

Stop suffering in regular pants and give the gift of comfort this holiday season. For a limited time, our listeners get 20% off when you use code ACS at checkout. That's 20% off with the code acs@public rec.com after you purchase, they'll ask where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them we sent you. Say goodbye to pants that put up a fight because when comfort meets style, you found public rec.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, let me tell you about my new favorite gift. Aura digital picture frames. Well, you want to be popular this holiday? How about family, loved ones, your favorite people? Yeah, you could give them a sweater or tie or fruit basket or something. But how about a gift that really says family, really says together. Or a digital picture frames. You take your beautiful photos and you can send them to loved ones who have their picture frame. And it doesn't matter where they live as long as they're on the wifi and you show them the kids, the grandkids. For me, pictures of cars probably. That's the ones I like the best. Name the number one digital photo frame by wirecutter. That's right. There are others, but Aura's number one incredibly smart and easy to use. Upload unlimited photos and videos direct from your phone right to the frame. What a time we're living in. Or order the frame online and preload it with photos and videos using Aura's app so it's ready to go right out of the box. What a great gift. Aura Picture frames. Right? Dawson.

[Des Bishop]

Save on the perfect gift by visiting auraframes.com to get 35 off Aura's best selling Carver mat frames by using promo code Corolla at checkout. That's a U R A frames.com promo code Corolla. This deal is exclusive to our listeners, so get yours in time for the holidays. Terms and conditions apply.

[Mayhem Miller]

Did you know you can watch all your favorite crime shows for free on Pluto tv?

[Adam Carolla]

Totally free.

[Mayhem Miller]

Totally free. They've got CSI New York, ncis, Criminal Minds, Blue Bloods Tracker, FBI, swat, all for free.

[Adam Carolla]

There's something suspicious going on here.

[Mayhem Miller]

Nothing suspicious, just hundreds of free crime shows on Pluto tv. Crime never pays. And neither do I. Pluto TV Stream now pay never.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, oh, oh. Riley Auto Parts. O'Reilly Auto Parts is in the business of keeping your car on the road. They offer friendly, helpful service and parts and knowledge that you're going to need to maintain and do the repairs yourself. I've always used O'Reilly. I've used to hit the one up on Foothill when I was in La Crescento renting a house, keeping that Isuzu trooper on the road. And they got thousands of parts and accessories and stock either in their store or online. So you have. Well, you don't have to worry. If you're in a jam, you can go online and get your stuff. You can go into a store and get your stuff. The team at O'Reilly Auto Parts can test your battery for free in or out of your car, which is nice because sometimes it's tough to get those babies out of the car. You need your windshield wipers replaced, brake light fixed, or a quick service. Well, they'll help you find the right part or point you to the nearest local repair shop as well and get help there. Whether you're a car aficionado or an auto novice, you're going to find the employees at O'Reilly Auto Parts are knowledgeable, helpful, and best of all, they're friendly. The professional parts people at O'Reilly O'Reilly Auto Parts, one stop shop for everything, especially if you're a do it yourselfer for your car in store online, you can stop by O'Reilly Auto Parts and do it today or Visit us online. O'Reilly Auto.com Adam that's O'Reilly Auto.com Adam I've never been a balls guy.

[Dawson]

Like, it's never been an issue only having one. People always say to me, like, oh, it must be awkward explaining to people that you only have one ball. And honestly, it's not awkward because most of the time people don't even fucking notice.

[Des Bishop]

DEZ Bishop is on the Adam Carolla show.

[Adam Carolla]

Des got dates. He's got a standard special. Of all people. It's available on YouTube as we speak. Doing quite nicely, I should say. And also shows coming up, Biltmore Cabaret. That's in Vancouver, British Columbia. Beautiful out there. December 5th. Laughs Comedy club. That's in Seattle.

[Dawson]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

That'll be December 6th. And the 7th. And one ball.

[Dawson]

One ball. And Boston I might as well nail because it's in an awkward week between Christmas and New Year. So I'm at Laugh Boston.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, Laugh Boston.

[Dawson]

No, I'm just dropping that myself because that's a worrying week. Are people going to go out that week? Speaking of drama, first of all, I hate listening to myself. Hate listening to myself. Mostly about one ball when it shocks me in the headphones there caught me by surprise.

[Adam Carolla]

So people with one ball, sometimes there's undescended, sometimes there's cancerous. Sometimes mine's cancer.

[Dawson]

Mine's cancerous. Which is better, you know, Cause you get sympathy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, it's better. When did sort of Lance Armstrong eat?

[Dawson]

Well, he, I think there's two types. He had the more aggressive type, but he also we like ignored it for an insane amount of time. But I think it was before there was as much awareness around it. But no, I just, I had it, I had the surgery and then I had radiation just in case, but it hadn't spread. His spread and he nearly died. And then he was cursed for life to be an astronaut.

[Adam Carolla]

Should we, should we have, I don't know. I feel like we have, we don't have sufficient amounts of Vitriol for certain people and sort of too much for other people. We're sort of, as a society, we have difficulty sort of parsing out correct amounts of outrage. Outrage and. Or praise. Like, I remember my ex wife's dingbat friend once. And I'll never forget. I'll never forget fucking dingbat she was talking about. It was that whole situation where they were talking about Harvey Weinstein and then they were talking about Al Franken, and then somebody said something. Matt Damon said something.

[Dawson]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

And what Matt Damon said was the most logical thing a human being has ever thought or said out loud, which is, let's not get Al Franken messed up with Weinstein. Weinstein raped people. And Al Franken fucked around.

[Dawson]

Made a stupid photo.

[Adam Carolla]

Made a stupid photo on a transport jet. That is not nearly the same.

[Dawson]

I remember when he got in trouble for that because basically he was just saying, there has to be a spectrum here. How can we lump.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's not do this.

[Dawson]

It was the same with Aziz. I'm sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. And my ex wife's dingbat friend yelled, matt Damon, just shut up. And I remember thinking, we've crossed into some dingbat zone where he's saying the sanest thing on the planet and you're attacking him. And now we're in some weird sphere where I don't know where up, down, or right or left is. Because what Al Franken did was a zero, ostensibly. And what Harvey Weinstein did was rape times 100. So. Yes. But we don't know where we're at anymore.

[Dawson]

He had to resign because there was no respect for the Spectrum on the side that was forcing him to resign.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. It was believe everyone and everything's an assault, which I feel like he shouldn't.

[Dawson]

In hindsight, he probably regretted.

[Adam Carolla]

So, like Lance Armstrong.

[Dawson]

I was gonna say, how did my.

[Adam Carolla]

Ball inspire Val Frankenstein? Armstrong got canceled. He won the Tour de France seven times.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Or something. Incredible. First off, it's just to win the Tour de France. I don't care how much juicing you're doing. That's crazy. It's crazy.

[Dawson]

Plus, they're all dope. By the way, I want to say, for the record, I will not be a Lance Armstrong defender argument, but in the context of the initial part of it, they were all dope.

[Adam Carolla]

Everyone doped. It's not like he fucking sat home and ate Funyuns and doped. He trained his fucking ass off. Everyone doped. Who does it? And he raised tons of money. Now some of it, I don't know. There could Be stories. But if you just said, look, paid taxes, did whatever, raised awareness of cancer in general, or perhaps testicular cancer, does he need to make it to the pariah list is what I'm saying. Okay, My dad paid almost nothing in taxes his whole life and did not raise awareness to any cancerous concerns. All right? Why does he get off the hook? And Lance Armstrong, who's paid millions in taxes and raised a lot of awareness and raised money and whatever and been a douche along the way.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Big douche.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, but being a. Look, whether you're, you know, Rosie or Lance or Ellen, this is when it's being a douche illegal.

[Dawson]

Well, I took it personally because I had testicular cancer.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's right. And I was right.

[Dawson]

This motherfucker's been running on the. Look at all the good that I've done. And then, you know, there was the great deception. But I'll tell you when I totally lost respect from. And you'll never find a clip. And we don't need to find it. But as an Irish journalist was on him for a long time.

[Adam Carolla]

And you lived in Ireland for a while?

[Dawson]

Yeah, I lived in for more of my life.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Dawson]

There was an Irish journal that was on him for a long time. And at one stage he asked Lance Armstrong a question in the press conference and Lance Armstrong attacked him. And he said, because you said I was a cancer on the sport and all the people that are affected by this disease. How dare you use that word? And he had this moral high ground about his cancer. And I was like, fuck you, bro. Cuz you knew the whole time.

[Adam Carolla]

I agree.

[Dawson]

The whole time.

[Adam Carolla]

I just went through that with Biden. It's like you're allowed. Everyone obfuscates, everyone bends the truth. Everyone tries to avoid the subject. It's when they turn it into an offense and they get on the offense.

[Dawson]

When I was like, you know what? Fuck this guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I agree.

[Dawson]

The sport wise, they're all dope. I don't know why they didn't just like accept a certain level of doping.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I agree.

[Dawson]

But anyway, that's Lance.

[Adam Carolla]

What do they.

[Dawson]

Me and Lance have one ball each.

[Adam Carolla]

What do they cover? Do they cover? Do they cover over 2,000 miles in the Tour de France some ridiculous amount? Yeah, it's crazy.

[Dawson]

It's insane.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, they do the hardest thing anyone can do in a sport, which is, you know, they always do that thing where they go, hardest thing in the world is taking a round bat and hitting a round ball. Shut the fuck up, Tommy. Sorta the hardest thing in the world is it's 2200 miles is when they do. Today is the 120 mile mountain range. One where it's all fucking. It's the Alps. You ever try to ride a bike up a hill?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

It is instant pain. It's like immediate discomfort. And if you do it for like 80ft, you're fucking miserable. Doing it for 90 miles has got. It's got to be the most brutal physical thing you can do, like in pain department.

[Dawson]

It's impossible without doping.

[Adam Carolla]

It's impossible.

[Dawson]

It's impossible without doping. To make it entertaining and to have any chance at all of being competitive, that's the problem.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't want doping. You see a bunch of guys pushing their bike up the Alps, walking it.

[Dawson]

Like, what was that? The hell of the West? What was that movie when in the 80s, he falls over and he runs the bike over the finish line. I can't remember the movie.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, wait, Breaking Away. Was that what it was? Breaking away was an 80s classic where they had a bike race.

[Dawson]

Yeah, well. Oh, it doesn't matter. The hell of the West. The hell of the west was the race. But I can't remember the actual movie.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You don't name any of the movies.

[Adam Carolla]

This is the little Indianapolis 500 or something. So that was another. There was a Kevin Costner movie called American Flyers that nobody talks about anymore. Was a bike race open to Canberra?

[Dawson]

Nobody talks about.

[Adam Carolla]

Nobody talks about it.

[Dawson]

But we're all of similar vintage.

[Adam Carolla]

So, yeah, American Flyers. Yeah, it was cool. 80s bike movie. Yeah. I want to see the trailer for American Flyers because it had. Okay. Back in the 80s, they pick a subject like BMX or snowboarding BMX bandits or riding or something, and they make a big culture thing about them cleaning the cube. Yeah. There'd be the tough guy going, you better get out before you get hurt, bro.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It's like Vision Quest. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And it's like wrestling hot dog skiing or something. It's always a bad guy. So just about riding 10 speeds on a road. How fucking mobbed up is it?

[Des Bishop]

There was a BMX movie called Rad.

[Adam Carolla]

Rad.

[Dawson]

I don't remember that.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, and like I said, there's always the bad dude in Rad who explains it'd be shame if you got hurt out there and it's like, you're 14. Just fucking ride your Schwinn, would you? All right, let's see if we have.

[Dawson]

Is the Karate Kid included?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, for sure.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the Alpha. Yeah, the Alpha.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

80S exploitation of a hobby.

[Adam Carolla]

We have American flower. What year is American flyers? Kind of 86.

[Dawson]

Would you like a ride?

[Adam Carolla]

Where are your handlebars? Oh, yeah. Becky, Sarah, Marcus and David are four. One of a kind people. 85, Marcus. He ate my shoes. They're having the time of their lives.

[Dawson]

I feel like one of them gets a disease in this. It was the first time I saw an mri.

[Adam Carolla]

Someone gets fall cancer. Looks like when you win, they're American Flyers. This is Costner with a big mustache. So 80s.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I love it.

[Dawson]

The editing was.

[Adam Carolla]

She don't mean you're winning. The big deal is we're brothers.

[Dawson]

Oh, yeah, I couldn't remember. It's Anthony Edwards, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Is that it? Hell of the West. Is this it?

[Dawson]

This is it.

[Adam Carolla]

Hell of the West. I kissed your goddamn movie. I told you, bro. Oh.

[Dawson]

He does this. He runs ahead. That's his strategy. He goes ahead to get the times. There it is.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I was talking about. Carrying the bike, the bad guys coming for him off the cliff.

[Dawson]

The Italian spikes is the Italian leg hits his thing.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

No, wait, that's breaking away. Where the Italian hits.

[Dawson]

Oh, sorry, that was different. Oh, this is American fly.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Sorry, spoiler alert.

[Adam Carolla]

American fly. You got all your cyclist films. You turn them into one movie.

[Dawson]

They're all one movie.

[Adam Carolla]

What does it matter?

[Dawson]

No, nobody's gonna watch them. That's the movie I was talking about with the running over there.

[Adam Carolla]

AI man, listen, my gift is knowing what everyone is talking about.

[Dawson]

Hence the momentum.

[Adam Carolla]

Hence my personal.

[Dawson]

I just want to point out that what's his name, Nick Cannon, Number one. He made me realize that I probably have narcissistic personality disorder.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Dawson]

And number two, I gigged with him 2010.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you did?

[Dawson]

Yeah, I was hosting one of those late night shows at the Montreal Comedy Festival. And it fits into what you were saying because they were like, oh, it's Nick Cannon. He's Marie Mariah Carey's husband, which was his claim to fame.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Dawson]

And that was the momentum. Yeah, that was a lot of the momentum creation.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you see him do standup?

[Dawson]

Well, he was there. I hosted. I brought him on, I took him off. But I have no recollection other than he was on.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It's one of those things you were saying. He's like a five stand up, but eight momentum.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I don't know, but here's what I'm saying. But you guys can tell me. All you have is feelings as the years move on. And I have the same way. Like, I've interviewed thousands of People at this point. So when you bring up someone's name, I go, I don't remember exactly what we talked about, but I remember liking that dude.

[Dawson]

It's like a dog with smells.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I remember. That guy's a douche. You know what I mean? The jury's still out on you, by the way.

[Dawson]

We just started.

[Adam Carolla]

We'll see how it goes.

[Dawson]

I thought you get a sympathy with cancer with standups.

[Adam Carolla]

You go, I don't really remember that dude's act, but that dude was funny. Or that dude wasn't funny. Like, you do have these thoughts. And as the years go on, Joe, you've had this. Like, you go, I don't remember any of his bits. I don't remember what the fuck he was talking about. I just remember standing there going, oh, I think that guy's funny. Or the audience liked it, or I thought it was good, or it kind of sucked. So I. You didn't remember his act, but you brought him out?

[Dawson]

No, because my overriding memories, that he was married to Mariah Carey.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay.

[Dawson]

That wiped out all other memories.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You just couldn't see past all of one for Christmas.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we do have Lance Armstrong with the cancer.

[Dawson]

Oh, God.

[Adam Carolla]

Is that necessary?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, come on.

[Dawson]

Trying to keep a light in the hates.

[Adam Carolla]

Bathe in it.

[Dawson]

This guy's a great chairman. What is your name again? My name is Paul Kimmich. I work for the Sunday Times. I asked for an interview, but I didn't get one. He's right.

[Adam Carolla]

Just as a little preface, I might. I might just clear up one thing and the reason you didn't get it, Paul, I wanted to make sure that was you because I don't know what you look like. When I decided to come back for what I think is a very noble reason, you said, folks, the cancer has been in remission for four years, but our cancer has now returned, meaning me. I am here to fight this disease. I am here so that I don't.

[Dawson]

Have to deal with it.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't have to deal with it. None of us have to deal with it. My children don't have to deal with it. But yet you said that I am the cancer and the cancer is out of remission. So I think it goes without saying, no, we're not going to sit down and do an interview. And I don't think anybody in this room would sit down for that interview. Kind of with Lance. Oh, get the guy. I gotta say. I gotta say. You know what, Paul?

[Dawson]

You know what, Paul? Can we. His response was, you don't have a monopoly on cancer.

[Adam Carolla]

You're an Irish guy. He's a countryman.

[Dawson]

I'm a testicular cancer survivor. Fuck that guy.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I.

[Dawson]

That's what, that's what Paul Kimmer said. You don't have a monopoly on cancer. And I was like, amen, Paul.

[Adam Carolla]

But if he was from Spain, you wouldn't be talking about it.

[Dawson]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

You're proud of your semi heritage.

[Dawson]

No, but his. Listen, his whole jam, I don't mind that they're all doping, but his whole jam was, I'm above that. I've won seven. I'm the hero. And he was a fraud. But they're all frauds. That's okay.

[Adam Carolla]

This reminds me of a deleted scene from American Flyer. If you see the director's cut, they have this whole ball cancer. Costner.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

How about Costner with the premature stash? Yeah, Joe, you gotta love Costner with that stache. And that was before it was cool or hip or ironic or anything. It's just fucking mustache. Mustache does not help you in cycling either. That only slows your face down.

[Dawson]

It's too much drag.

[Adam Carolla]

Too much drag.

[Dawson]

Everybody knows that.

[Adam Carolla]

That's why the greatest athlete in Olympic history is Mark Spitz. Because while the rest of the swimmers have been shaving their legs and shaving like, I'm growing a huge porn star 70s mustache. I'm so fucking fast, I'll beat your asses with a huge mustache. Look at that. That's like 26 year old Costner.

[Dawson]

You have a great memory. Because I have no memory of Costner being in this movie.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, he's a dear friend, you know, so I keep track.

[Dawson]

That's great.

[Adam Carolla]

We often talk about American flying. Yeah. I do rants about his mustache. An American flyer. Yeah. People think it had to wait for a. Like they. You would think if you said Kasner the first time you spit a film with a huge mustache, you would. You would rattle off a bunch of westerns. Yeah, but you wouldn't say cycling movie from the 80s, would you?

[Des Bishop]

Dances with Wolves.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, I would say Dances with Wolves.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

But that came after. That was 89.

[Dawson]

This definitely seems like pre main career.

[Adam Carolla]

Sometimes during trivia night when the subject turns to Costner mustaches. You're gonna kick ass.

[Dawson]

Somebody's gonna kill it in a.

[Adam Carolla]

You are. With this newfound knowledge, I'm gonna fuck.

[Dawson]

It up and bring up the stupid Italian spoken spike in the tire.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, what was that movie again? Okay, that movie's called Breaking Away.

[Dawson]

I have to remember that.

[Adam Carolla]

And that's the cinzano team from Italy taking a bike pump and putting it in the spokes and throwing them over the handlebars.

[Dawson]

You remember the name of the team?

[Adam Carolla]

Cinzano.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Wow.

[Dawson]

Yeah, I'm impressed.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I know. Except for every person I talk to, nobody gives every person in my life, they'll go, I told you 7:30, bro. And I'll go seven. You told me seven for yesterday. You said seven. I said 7:30. I'm like, do you know the name of the team? Does he know team? You don't think I have a memory for. No, you don't. Not this time. You may know Italian bike teams, but you don't know times to eat dinner.

[Dawson]

That is a. That is. You've definitely described me to a T. I don't know the Italian bike teams.

[Adam Carolla]

Where did. When did you move to Ireland?

[Dawson]

Moved on, was 14.

[Adam Carolla]

That is a weird time to move to Ireland.

[Dawson]

One of my own. I got kicked out.

[Adam Carolla]

On your own?

[Dawson]

Kicked out of St. Francis Prep and Fresh Meadows, Queens. And the joke is, which is partially true, that I got kicked out of school because I had a problem with alcohol. So my mother had the ingenious idea to send me to Ireland.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Dawson]

To go to boarding school, which is true.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, boarding school in Ireland. That sounds so exotic.

[Dawson]

It was exotic. No, I have to say, it worked out.

[Adam Carolla]

How did that work? I wouldn't even. I wouldn't know. I didn't know of a person where that would be on the menu for possibility.

[Dawson]

Well, I have a lot of Irish cousins. One was visiting. She put the idea into my head, actually, and then I said it to my parents and six weeks later I was in Ireland. It was a completely random situation.

[Adam Carolla]

What kind of trouble were you getting?

[Dawson]

Honestly, I really just had lost all interest in education. I was drinking, whatever, doing graffiti, but nothing crazy. But I did flunk out of school. I'd love to make it more exciting, but I actually just flunked out. And then my mother was freaking out. She's the child of alcoholics, my mother, so she's like automatically assumed that my life was going to be.

[Adam Carolla]

And she had hopes for you.

[Dawson]

She had hopes. She thought that I was an eight with momentum.

[Adam Carolla]

She didn't know.

[Dawson]

She didn't know. So anyway, this random suggestion came up and then I just went to Ireland.

[Adam Carolla]

I couldn't imagine.

[Dawson]

Yeah. And I was on my own, you know, like I stayed with my cousins at the weekend and then suddenly I was in like a semi rural boarding school in the southeast of Ireland. But it was the makings of me.

[Adam Carolla]

And what was it like? Did people make fun of that dialect you had from Queens?

[Dawson]

Nah, it was the opposite, man. I was like, the novelty.

[Adam Carolla]

They liked it.

[Dawson]

They were fast, you know? Cause you got like 1990s Ireland. It's hard to remember now, but 1990s, early 90s Ireland was like. If there was such a thing as a Second World Ireland, was it. People, like, hadn't experienced the prosperity it would experience, but it wasn't like total poverty. And so anything American was quite exotic. So they'd be like, can you go outside your house? In America, guns be firing all the time. Like, they thought. They thought the entire New York was like the South Bronx, because they see it in, like, movies and stuff. So I was just. They were fascinated by me. So actually it was good for my confidence.

[Adam Carolla]

There's a Paul Newman film called Fort Apache. The Bronx, 1977. 76, 78. Good. In their Fort Apache, the Bronx.

[Dawson]

The Bronx.

[Adam Carolla]

And it was like, him as a cop. 81, is that new? It's in the 80s. 81 was Paul Newman, Ford Apache.

[Dawson]

Yeah. That's a big Bronx.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So they thought that, didn't they actually, your life was like.

[Dawson]

Didn't they actually call that particular police precinct Fort Apache? The Hunts Point Priest. I believe that's where the title came from.

[Adam Carolla]

North Hollywood.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I didn't even know. We didn't go anywhere. We didn't do anything.

[Dawson]

It's all gentrified now. That's the most important look for all the movies from the 70s and 80s about bad new York neighborhoods, they will all be unaffordable.

[Adam Carolla]

They saw the warriors and shit like.

[Dawson]

That, and they love that, actually. So many certain. Certain movies.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. But you were a cool novel.

[Dawson]

I was. I was definitely a novelty man. And it suited me. I could do the beatbox. I think I was the only person in Ireland that could beatbox.

[Adam Carolla]

You still got some beatboxing.

[Dawson]

I mean, my. These days I'm embarrassed.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a rhyme attack.

[Dawson]

That'll get you canceled. Three years ago.

[Adam Carolla]

Three years ago.

[Dawson]

That'll get you canceled. My beat. My beatboxing. Wouldn't be. I wouldn't be coming on the Adam Corolla show to beatbox.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Come on, bro, bust it.

[Dawson]

Okay. It was reasonable. 1990.

[Adam Carolla]

Come on, listen.

[Dawson]

1990, that was great. Beatbox. Okay?

[Adam Carolla]

We were. When we were young. When I was young.

[Dawson]

How old are you?

[Adam Carolla]

I just turned 60.

[Dawson]

Oh, okay. So we are. A slight difference.

[Adam Carolla]

11. 11 years. It wouldn't take much for somebody to stand out and have, like, I will give you, like, Little examples. Like, I had a dude at my junior high, his name was Todd, oil dealer. He had a shirt that was custom airbrushed that he got skiing in Mammoth because his fucking parents had a little money or something. Went skiing over the Christmas break. The shirt that he had made was an airbrush shirt of, like, a caricature of him busting a mogul in skis. It said Ski Oiler on it. He was a celebrity at my junior high because he had a fucking T shirt with his name. Because nobody would have airbrushed. Are you kidding? We'd go to J.C. penney's and buy a fucking generic shirt.

[Dawson]

I remember all the rich kids would always come back from vacation. Yeah, Panda eyes.

[Adam Carolla]

I had. We. We had kids that come back that said there was. Oh, it would say. It would say Maui 79 on it or whatever. That meant you went to Maui, you went to Maui, you went skiing, you have a T shirt. Michael daisy has an XR75 motorcycle. All celebrities. Yes, all celebrities in my world, yes. Somebody went to fucking Magic Mountain. They were a celebrity in my world because I was poor. People lived in North Hollywood, didn't have anything. And this dude had an XR75 Honda and a fucking glorified minibike that was worth $180. And he was a fucking celebrity because that dude has an XR75 Honda and that's. That guy's got a T shirt with an airbrush. And that was.

[Dawson]

I was the only American. So I definitely was exotic.

[Adam Carolla]

That was the thing.

[Dawson]

They called me the Yank.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dawson]

Even the teachers call me the Yank. Oh, that'll tell you what it was like. So I didn't even know that Yank was still a term that was used for Americans. I thought it was gone since the Civil War.

[Adam Carolla]

And there's a Richard GERE World War I movie called Yanks. Look it up. Richard gere, World War I, 1979. 80 Yanks. That's why they called you Yanks.

[Dawson]

Yeah. So it was funny that the teachers be like, yank. It almost sounds derogatory.

[Adam Carolla]

But that was my 1979. Richard Gere never had a mustache, even though it was popular about World War I. Called Yanks.

[Dawson]

That one I've never seen. I can't elaborate.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, there's a German tank, and he shoves his bike pump into the treads. Fucking tank over. Fucking Italian. What was this Richard Gere movie?

[Dawson]

Yank. Wow. He looks so. Not World War I. Ish.

[Adam Carolla]

We got a trailer for Yanks. It's gotta be bad.

[Dawson]

This was definitely not why they called me Yank. I feel like this wasn't a big one.

[Adam Carolla]

1979.

[Dawson]

This wasn't part of the zeitgeist.

[Adam Carolla]

You don't. It burned into my psyche. Good and well it did.

[Dawson]

Yeah, but your psyche appears to be wide open. Exponential to everything that looks like Ireland.

[Adam Carolla]

They could have filmed it in Ireland. I bet they filmed Yanks in Ireland.

[Dawson]

Maybe that's why. Masterful. A tremendous achievement, says the Hollywood Reporter. An enormously powerful experience. Impossible to watch unmoved. Says the Los Angeles Times.

[Adam Carolla]

Richard Gere, Pretty country.

[Dawson]

And Vanessa Redgrave star in Academy Award winning director John Schlesinger's critically acclaimed yanks.

[Adam Carolla]

World War I.

[Dawson]

World War II should really.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, it's two. Sorry. In Britain, on their way to war. You're right.

[Dawson]

To the war weary British. They are overpaid and over sexed.

[Adam Carolla]

Over sex into World War II. We used to have to put up with really shitty movies.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Get my smile. Thank you. I think we should go to New York City first. What do you think?

[Dawson]

Who KNEW World War II was so much fun.

[Adam Carolla]

It was a good time. A lot of dancing. My God, look out.

[Dawson]

God, I. I wish I could have been in war at that time. And you just stood there.

[Adam Carolla]

You didn't even lift a finger.

[Dawson]

Nothing I could do.

[Adam Carolla]

You didn't even try.

[Dawson]

It's funny. That must have been right on the cusp of speaking that way.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you don't expect him to start without me, do you? This guy Devane.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Now he's selling gold on Fox.

[Dawson]

Oh, is that what he's.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Dawson]

He looks like the William.

[Adam Carolla]

Why should I believe you? All right, we got him.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, man.

[Adam Carolla]

So then Richard Gear got with Paul Newman to make a super film called Fort Apache. The Yanks, they took their two movies from 1980 and they made it all together.

[Dawson]

Perfect.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. What other word would trigger me for a movie?

[Dawson]

What other word would trigger you? Well, I'm triggered because actually I think the great World War II entrance to the beaches of Normandy is the Spielberg Saving Private Ryan.

[Adam Carolla]

That's great.

[Dawson]

Which was filmed in Ireland. To turn it all it does. That scene is filmed on the beach in Ireland.

[Adam Carolla]

So then did you leave after you graduated? No.

[Dawson]

So I was originally. That was the plan. I was going to come back and go to Ford him in the Bronx, coincidentally enough. But then Irish educate Ireland was free. Free to go to third level. To go to university.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really? To go to college.

[Dawson]

Because. Because I had. Because I'd been there long enough. I. I was considered an Irish student. So as I always say in America, Bernie Sanders is a radical. In Ireland, he's a little bit to the right.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Dawson]

I was educated for free in Ireland.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Dawson]

And then by the time I finished college, I was already doing standup. So then most of my standup life has actually been in Ireland.

[Adam Carolla]

What's the difference between the New York crowd and the Irish crowd?

[Dawson]

There's no difference in the crowds. Irish crowds are great, actually. They're very.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't mean one doesn't have to be better or I'm just looking for different.

[Dawson]

Nah, the scene. It's just. The scene is different. There's no, like, a ton of clubs in Ireland. You have to try to get well known. And then you go around to small Irish towns and do hotel function rooms. The only difference, I would say, is Irish crowds love stuff about Ireland. Yeah, they like.

[Adam Carolla]

But everybody likes everything about everything. I bet New York, probably not so much about New York.

[Dawson]

Well, you know, because you get so much of it. But in Ireland, especially when I first started, there wasn't a ton of Irish standup. So the excitement for something about Ireland was, like, immense.

[Adam Carolla]

I would do a DeLorean run in my set sometimes, you know, because he.

[Dawson]

Was from Northern Ireland. It's got to come back to movies.

[Adam Carolla]

It's got to come back.

[Dawson]

That's a great documentary about him, actually, about the chaos of, like, that. He decided to build the factory in Belfast during the fucking Troubles.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dawson]

Which is insane. Say Nothing is currently on Hulu. Great series about the North. But if you see how violent the north was, the fact that he thought that was a good idea. Not only was there violence, but then he had the issue of Protestant Catholics couldn't work together. So it's like, which community you gonna pick to build your cars?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, the DeLorean guy got tarred and feathered as well for selling a little cocaine. But, you know, created a lot of jobs.

[Dawson]

Built a cool car.

[Adam Carolla]

Built a cool car. Like, we should take him and Lance Armstrong and, you know, look, rehabilitate them. Rehabilitate them. They're not part of the problem, per se. John DeLorean, for all his transgressions, created a lot of pride and a lot of jobs. He created a lot of jobs. You know, I don't like. I don't like when they attack the job creators. What drives me nuts is when the super lefty bitch checks of the city council in la, they go, fuck Elon Musk. Get him out of here. Who needs that guy? It's like he creates millions of jobs. Bitch, you don't create any jobs. You take money from people who have jobs. He creates jobs, so he's not the problem.

[Dawson]

The difference between Elon Musk and John DeLorean is the equivalent would be. Elon Musk decides to open a factory in Gaza right now.

[Adam Carolla]

Right now.

[Dawson]

So I would say that John DeLorean is not as smart as Elon Musk. I don't think it's a fair comparison.

[Adam Carolla]

But how about the fact that he married. And I talked about this on the show. Yeah. Christina Ferrari.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, I thought you were gonna say Mariah Carey.

[Adam Carolla]

No, this is the callback.

[Dawson]

This is the callback show.

[Adam Carolla]

I love it. He married Christina. Christina Ferrari.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Come on. Ferrari.

[Adam Carolla]

She's a model. But the point is, we got DeLorean and Ferrari is the last name. And the kids could have hyphenated, but they didn't.

[Dawson]

Well, they're a beautiful car, the DeLorean. Unfortunately, he just was ahead of his car.

[Adam Carolla]

Biggest piece of shit ever.

[Dawson]

But they look great.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I know, but they're. They're like the. They're. They're like a. They're like the Manson family. You know, the chicks. They look good. It's a fucking horny hot. Yeah, they look good, but they're horrible.

[Dawson]

All these LA references.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, bud. Welcome to the.

[Adam Carolla]

What do you mean? Well, what I'm saying is Delorean was way underpowered and super heavy and just a pile of shit, but looked cool. Looked cool and had the gull wing doors.

[Dawson]

Yes. No. Hey, obviously, most people just know because.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Of Back to the future 1.21 gigawatts.

[Adam Carolla]

And he worked for Pontiac designing. DeLorean did.

[Dawson]

That's where he came from.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he was a playboy, you know, back when you could be a playboy. I do know about cars. So he. He designed for Pontiac and other companies, and then he went off to create his own car, and that's where the DeLorean came from. And, yeah, he. He had to overcome, like, a lot of obstacles to do it and then married a Ferrari.

[Dawson]

But she was Ferrari. From the Ferrari family?

[Adam Carolla]

No, she was a Ferrari and her name was. And she was a model and she was an actress and, like, a spoke, like a presenter. She was like Nick Cannon, I guess. I did her show. What? She had one of those daytime, you know, good day LA things where her and some ex, you know, football player did some sort of friendly lunch talk, like, chatty thing. Chatty. Christina Ferrari had a daytime talk show out here for a while. Like in the 90s. Yeah.

[Dawson]

Way after she's divorced. I guess she.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, DeLorean was in jail or dead or whatever.

[Dawson]

I remember watching the documentary and didn't realize how tits up the whole thing went. Yeah, but. But I remember it wasn't just the coke. There was some financial shit, and it was just disaster.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I mean, but it's. It's kind of like. Like, if you put yourself into the position of, like, a lot of these people, like, you take someone like Martha Stewart, right, And you go, she's been.

[Dawson]

Entirely rehabilitated, by the way, just in terms of these examples.

[Adam Carolla]

But you put yourself into Martha Stewart's situation, and let's just say you're flying to Mexico and you're flying in a private jet for vacation in Puerto Rico, right? And you're gonna be gone for a week or whatever it is. And then, like, the plane lands somewhere to refuel or something. And then the phone rings and it's your stock guy. And he goes, listen, we found out that Pfizer's not gonna get approved for their new weight loss drug, but no one else knows about it. But you wanna dump your stock now before it tanks. Who amongst us doesn't go, yeah, yeah, thanks for the. Thanks for the heads up. Yeah, yeah, dump it. Yeah, fine. 40 grand. Okay, great. And then hang up and then go off on your vacation. And then who amongst us, when the feds get involved, wouldn't lie to save your ass from not going to prison? Like, who amongst us wouldn't do this? And if I started a car company and it was hemorrhaging and I couldn't pay my vendors and all that kind of shit, and someone goes, look, just here's a fucking suitcase of cocaine. Like, salad it. And borrow money from these guys and then borrow money from those guys and then give it back to that guy so you can keep your factory open. I'd probably do it. That's what I'm saying.

[Dawson]

Your empathy. You should have been a defense attorney. I feel like you can rationalize all.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

The bad behavior, the fundamental attribution error.

[Dawson]

You're defending Armstrong DeLorean. Well, you know, DeLorean now is. It's inconsequential. DeLorean's behavior. Now, is he.

[Adam Carolla]

When did DeLorean die? And then did he eventually go in prison for dealing cocaine? Oh, yes. And did he die in prison is the question documentary. But I can't believe in 05.05. So he's probably out of prison by then.

[Dawson]

You know, it's unfortunate for him that he died before the podcast revolution, because he definitely could have done the rounds. You see all these mafia guys whacking out the anecdotes. I think he missed. He missed out.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. Like, we've had Sammy the Bull. Do we have Sammy the Bull on the show? Yeah, he's an awesome guest. He's a guest.

[Dawson]

Oh, I would. I would love to talk to him.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll defend him. So we killed 21.

[Dawson]

John Gotti's son was in my school.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Not in Ireland.

[Dawson]

No. In St. Francis Prep that year that I. Before I got kicked out.

[Adam Carolla]

So how much time did DeLorean do? And was it for cocaine or was it for, like, racketeering or something? And then he went in prison. Then I guess he got out and whatever and probably got divorced, but.

[Dawson]

And he's buried in a pauper's grave.

[Adam Carolla]

I love when they say that, but it is. I. I don't know. Would it. Is it better? Look, I come from a long line of what we call flatliners. Just people just never.

[Dawson]

That's true.

[Adam Carolla]

They just showed up, got yelled at, and went home, sat down and watched tv. Then really not known for anything. Is it better to have loved and lost? There's a car with your name on it. You know what I mean? On October 19, 1982, DeLorean was charged by the US government with trafficking cocaine. That was right after he started that company, or shortly thereafter, videotape sting operation. Hand recorded undercover federal agents agreeing to bankroll a cocaine smuggling operation. Again, who amongst us. All he ever spent behind bars was 10 days.

[Dawson]

10 days. There you go.

[Adam Carolla]

While he raised bail. Los Angeles, 1982.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Traffic could bail out.

[Adam Carolla]

Yep, it was worth 24 million. But he was trying to get the money to keep his struggling car manufacturing company.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

$24 million worth of cocaine.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, my God. That's quite a suitcase.

[Adam Carolla]

Back in 82.

[Dawson]

Well, I think in answer to your question about the, you know, love the loss, that flatline argument, I think for us, in, you know, looking at. From the outside in, it's like you better to have gone down in infamy, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dawson]

I think the stress associated with that wouldn't have been great for the individual. I mean, in Martha Stewart's case, it's fine. It worked out. Right now she's been resurrected. She almost. It's almost part of her allure, you know, I think you just need to become friends with Snoop. Lance Armstrong just needs to, like, like, do like, a cycling documentary with Snoop, and I think he'll be back in the game.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dawson]

Snoop rehabilitates Everybody.

[Adam Carolla]

He's the stamp of approval.

[Dawson]

He really is. It's like, oh, Snoop likes. Snoop likes. And we're good.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, Snoop will work. Maybe Charles Barkley or Shaq, A couple of black athletes.

[Dawson]

Any. Any of those, like, fun guys. 100%. Now, maybe Gronk these days.

[Adam Carolla]

Gronk could.

[Dawson]

Gronk might become a rehabilitator.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Where we at with Andy Dick?

[Dawson]

Who's that?

[Adam Carolla]

Never mind. Andy Dick is a popular American actor from the 90s sitcoms. MTV, the Ben Stiller Show.

[Dawson]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Couple of.

[Dawson]

And what did he do?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

He just. He's a dramatic troublemaker.

[Adam Carolla]

He got into drugs and substances and sexuality and had some. Had some issues. I think that's what happened to andy Dick.

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

P.B.

[Dawson]

Herman got a role deal. That's for sure.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, let's break down Peewee Herman's game.

[Dawson]

You're going to stick up for Lance Austin. You're going to go after Peewee Herman.

[Adam Carolla]

I did not say I was going after Pee Wee Herman. I have thoughts, though, and I'm interested.

[Dawson]

Sorry to bring.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You can't bring up anything from the past.

[Dawson]

Bring them up.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Let's have the show.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. I do believe there's, like, there's three mindsets. There's. Okay, let's break it down. Let's break it down. Break it down.

[Dawson]

Since the beginning of a TED Talk statement, there are three mindsets.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, there's three mindset number one. Mindset number one is I am married, but I'm gay, and I'm in a gay relationship on the side. And I 100% do not want my wife and. Or young kids to find out about this and destroy this. This marriage and ruin me personally, maybe financially and whatever. Number one mindset is, I'm gay, but I'm with a woman, and we have kids, and I have my guy on the side, and I'm taking this to the grave. No one's ever gonna find out about this. And I'll be very careful to not let anyone find out about this. All right, number three. I'll skip down to three. All right, number three is I'm gonna call a family meeting on Wednesday night and explain to everyone what Dad's going through and how I have feelings for men and how we're gonna have to deal with this. Your mom and I are gonna have to get divorced, and I'm gonna be living with Brad. Okay, that's number three. Number two is, I don't want to admit I want to get to number three, but I kind of would like to get out of this lie that I'm living. I can't take it anymore. So I'm going to leave my phone out that has all the text messages from Brad, and I'll leave it on the counter in the kitchen, even though I don't know I'm doing it. And I'll head out and my wife will find it and find out about us. Now, I don't. I'm not intentionally giving it up like I would for number three, but there's a part of me that just wants to get off this gay.

[Dawson]

Consciously looking for liberation.

[Adam Carolla]

I want to get off this gay track treadmill. I've said it many times. Peewee Herman may have gotten tired of being Pee Wee Herman and this is a good way to never put the stupid outfit on again. Right? Now, he could never say to his agent, no more. No more. No more Part 3 of the pee Wee's playoffs or whatever it is.

[Dawson]

Too much money.

[Adam Carolla]

Everyone would talk him out of it. Yes, but he gets caught beating off in Sarasota. He's out.

[Dawson]

Of course, you remember exactly where it is.

[Adam Carolla]

Like somewhere in Florida. We all remember. He got caught jerking off in a porn theater county. I don't know. The point is this. Did he want out? See, I say that when you have something and it's really valuable, like your family and your wife and your kids and you really guard it, you just don't leave that phone on the counter and walk out. You know, you really treat it accordingly. I don't know. He was arrested. Incident in Florida. Sarasota.

[Dawson]

Did Hugh Grant want out?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, all right.

[Dawson]

Did Hugh Grant want out? You know, like. Because I think sometimes people just do stupid.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I don't think. I don't think Hugh Grant wanted out.

[Dawson]

I think you wouldn't argue that. Maybe Peewee Herman just had a dumb moment.

[Adam Carolla]

He could have. He also could have been. He's a. He was. He is. He just passed. Right? Didn't.

[Dawson]

He just died.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

He was a gifted comedic actor from the Groundlings who probably saw what Phil Hartman was doing on SNL and guys like Dan Aykroyd and stuff and thought. Or Will Ferrell, guys like that. Went like, I should be doing that. Instead I'm stuck doing this fucking kids bullshit. Right. Right. So he could have wanted out. I don't know. That's the question. You'll never know. If it's one careless or part two, we know it's not three. He didn't announce he was done with Pee Wee and was never going to dawn the Bicycle again or whatever. I just have a theory that when people get caught doing dumb shit, there's a part of their brain that wanted off of the treadmill of plane of this because he's a versatile, talented comedic actor who got stuck in a role, and he probably was done. All right, all right.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I don't know, man. I think he was just beating off a lot.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we'll never know because we're going with Occam's razor. Different time, different time. Also, do they have to run a sting operation in terms of what's going on?

[Dawson]

I don't remember how he got caught.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Like a gay porno.

[Dawson]

Like, you can't go on. Back in the day, there was no Twitter. It wasn't like, I think Peewee Herman's jacking off.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And that's funny, because when he came back, I was there for his first tweet.

[Adam Carolla]

You were there?

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Peewee Herman came back, put the suit on, came back to, like, culture, and tweeted for the first time in front of me.

[Adam Carolla]

He got back in the peewee outfit.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

He did. He was back. And he did, like, a few bits. You don't remember. So not a peewee enthusiast? Like, yeah, I was a big time.

[Adam Carolla]

What was his first tweet?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I can't remember.

[Adam Carolla]

Sorry. Wait, hold on.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I don't have that filing cabinet. I mean, doctor, was this. It was like, oh, six. Look it up.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dawson]

Like, oh, wait, right.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Five. Yeah. Oh, wait. I don't know.

[Dawson]

I'm coming back.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And Dr. Drew was there. I. I don't know. Maybe I'm in some weird fever dream right now, but I swear to God, this happened. And Tyrese pad be on the back.

[Adam Carolla]

Tyrese?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

From Fast and Furious?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yes, that same one.

[Adam Carolla]

You know Tyrese from Fast and Furious?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Of course I know him.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow, your memory.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Name dropping.

[Dawson]

Herman, our memories are not as solid as your memories when we have a memory.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, now hold on. He got busted in Sarasota for beating off in a porn theater.

[Dawson]

Yeah. Killed his career.

[Adam Carolla]

Then he came back. He came back 20 years late for.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

A nice stretch as Peewee. Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

Right after the incident.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And like, no. Many, many years.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, yeah. Yeah. But. Yeah. Well, okay, here's even.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

He was in the movie Dust.

[Adam Carolla]

American Fire. Okay, let me explain how life works. Are you ready?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

We're ready.

[Dawson]

Here we go.

[Adam Carolla]

Three parts.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I love these.

[Adam Carolla]

You're Bob Denver.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

Who's Bob Denver?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I don't know.

[Dawson]

Country music singer John Denver. John. Who's Bob Denver?

[Adam Carolla]

Gilligan from Gilligan's Island.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Dawson]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

You're Gilligan from Gilligan's Island. Right. You have all this success in this dorky sitcom, but you're getting paid and you're doing it right. Then the sitcom ends and everyone wants you to be Gilligan in the next whatever. And then you go, I'm not Gilligan. I'm a comedic actor. You understand? I'm not going to do it. I'm this guy. Right. And then you get no work for 10 years, and then at some point, you put the stupid hat and the orange shirt back on and you show up at the boat show.

[Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Because you need to get paid.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

This is like.

[Adam Carolla]

And then you also turn the corner with it. You have some reverence or some nostalgia about it. Yeah. So all the Brady kids hated the Brady Bunch, and they all said, I'm acting on my own, and whatever. And then some point, they get back in the outfit and they do a Very Brady Christmas or Hanukkah or whatever the fuck it is, and they dive into it, and then they start doing interviews and they write books, and the next thing you know, everyone's nostalgic about this thing. So they lived it. Then they tried to live it down, and then they embraced it at the end.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

This is like when I was popping bottles with Jaleel White.

[Adam Carolla]

Jaleel Urkel.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

What?

[Dawson]

Another reference.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know all the important black people.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I do. And then, like.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I even got him to, like, pop the champagne off and spray it on the grill and go, did I do that?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, but you gotta do it in the Voice.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Did I do that?

[Dawson]

Yeah, another one. I missed some American references like this. Cause I was away. Gary Coleman, though. I watched a very depressing documentary about Gary Coleman. He never. He was never liberated from the post Different Strokes torture.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I know. I was just watching those episodes the other day.

[Dawson]

Yeah, The different strokes episodes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Mr. Drummond.

[Adam Carolla]

Mr. Drummond.

[Dawson]

Yeah. Terrible.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Hey, why the hell did you go to China?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, yeah. China.

[Dawson]

That's a leap.

[Adam Carolla]

We're running out of time.

[Dawson]

Talk about China. No, I made a television. A documentary series about living in China, learning Mandarin, to do standup and Mandarin.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I know.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. It was a one year.

[Dawson]

One year journey.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

Most difficult thing in the world.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah. What inspired that man?

[Dawson]

Well, I mean, it's a long story, but the quick story is I actually made a documentary series in Ireland about learning the Irish language, Gaelic, which. But everyone in Ireland has to learn it. It's a compulsory subject in school, so.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Dawson]

It Was a. It was a fun thing to show my journey.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You're telling me they make immigrants learn?

[Dawson]

No, I didn't have to. I was exempt. Which is what. That's kind of what drove the series was I was in school exempt from this torturous subject that these Irish kids had to get ex, you know, tested in Gaelic, the Irish language. And so then many years later, when I was a standup, I. I pitched the show. I went and lived. There's still a few parts of Ireland where they speak the Irish Lang language as a first language. So I lived there for a year and I did stand up in Gaelic. So then. And that's easy for. Not easy to learn the language. But Irish people find it hilarious because they all had to suffer through this language.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Dawson]

But then I also had a fascination with China. So I went to China and I tried to tell the story of modern China through the hook of finding their humor, finding their language, and then trying to make them laugh. That's the quick, that's the pitch.

[Adam Carolla]

Mandarin though, man. Doing stand up.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Well, bougie doll.

[Adam Carolla]

What's that?

[Dawson]

That's Cantonese.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, it is.

[Dawson]

Just kidding. I don't know what you said. That's the problem, man.

[Adam Carolla]

How is the sense of humor over there in China?

[Dawson]

They have a great sense of humor, but it's, you know, it's hard to know it until you can speak the language and until they kind of know you. Because they're also quite impersonal, the 1.4 billion people. Like, they don't have time for Minnesota. Nice. You know, you'd never get through a day. So they can be quite like, abrupt. But when you get to know them and you're within the circle, they're very funny, you know, and they have sort of stand up and like, I was at the beginning of like what they call talk or show. This talk show.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dawson]

They alliterate from talk show instead of comedy. And I was there at the beginning of what we would consider like western style, like stand up that we know is a new phenomenon in China.

[Adam Carolla]

They have a lot of fish based humor.

[Dawson]

Fish based.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know why. It seems like something they would talk about.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I would think so. Tofu, beans, maybe.

[Dawson]

The food. The food. Not as much about the humor of food, but food is their most important thing. You know, the way say somebody says, you went to New York, did you go to the Empire State Building in China? They would say like, you went to Sichuan. Did you have hot pot?

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Dawson]

It's always food first.

[Adam Carolla]

Really.

[Dawson]

That's Their jam food is like everything to them. And all the different locations people just travel to.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, there'd be food talk and stand up over there, there.

[Dawson]

But for me, I was just.

[Adam Carolla]

Why is food such a big thing over there?

[Dawson]

Because it's amazing. You know, we were eating lemon chicken and sweet and sour chicken and it's very limited. That's a. We're getting a limited version. But these days you get a lot more of it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

So Panda Express is the same thing.

[Dawson]

But I guarantee if a China person went to Panda Express, they'd be like, actually, this isn't a bad.

[Des Bishop]

You know.

[Dawson]

But I think Chinese Americans look down on that because it's like the commodification of their culture, you know? But anyway, yeah, so I did. I did do that.

[Adam Carolla]

You did stand. You did a stand up in the end?

[Dawson]

I did stand up in Manor, but I was there for the full year, though.

[Adam Carolla]

How much time did you do?

[Dawson]

Well, you know, when I did, by the end of that year, I guess I was doing like a decent 15. I didn't have to do like a full hour, but later on I did do an hour in Mandarin. But actually in New Zealand.

[Adam Carolla]

Did you do crowd work like what dynasty you're from, bro? Man, I knew it.

[Dawson]

Ching cha ching. But anyway, the Ching being the last. But no, I. The crowd work work best, actually, because my Chinese was terrible, obviously, but they were just laughing at my shitty Chinese. But my crowd work was pretty sharp compared to all the other guys.

[Adam Carolla]

There's just. There's Mandarin crowd work in your special, right?

[Dawson]

Oh, yeah, that. It works great in the States because Americans are fascinated by that. I can speak it well.

[Adam Carolla]

What's impressive is. And I think because it's rare, it's that. But I don't know, I don't want to speak for everyone, but Americans are lazy oftentimes and they farm out everything. Car washing and gutter clearing and lawn mowing. Mowing lawns. We'll just farm. Get a guy to do that. Get a guy to come by and do the fucking whatever. I think we're super lazy and we do way too much farming out like nannies to raise the kids. Like, I don't know what other culture has dog walkers, you know what I mean? Like fucking walk your own dog. Or don't get a dog or don't get a dog. Then I got a dog walker and I got a maid and I got a roof guy and I got a gutter guy and I got a car detailer. The guy comes over and he details my Guy, look, we farm everything out. When we hear about someone learning something difficult, we're impressed. Cause we're fucking late. I'm telling you, I got kids. Everyone I know is lazy as shit. I mean, that's just the way. That's the way it is.

[Dawson]

But it's also fascinating because I remember when I first went there, the first time I saw a white guy speak in Mandarin, I actually was shocked. It almost seems not real. So I assume that people are having that experience when they see me. But also a fun thing that I like to do sometimes if the vibe's really good and there's, like, a proper Chinese, like, a person from China, I like to do, I do an actual Mandarin bit. And it's so fun because the crowd are silent, and then one person laughs. But that makes everybody laugh because they're.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, holy shit, it really is funny.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Dawson]

And of course, I could. I could literally just say in Mandarin, when I get to the end of this sentence, laugh, and they will think I said a hilarious thing. But I actually.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you could coach the person.

[Dawson]

Well, that's always annoying. People always, like, speak Mandarin. It's like, well, I could say anything.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You know, the funny. I'll tell you the fun that's always funny is when somebody knows a. A language that's. That you don't know. It could be German. It could be anything, Right? And then people go, I want you to say, adam is a. Who went to Disneyland. And they go, adam s. On Disneyland. And I'm like, that's not good. That just sounded like. It's like you can't say names and places and stuff.

[Dawson]

It's too easy or like, there's no word for it. So you have to.

[Adam Carolla]

What is your Mandarin? Jesus.

[Dawson]

My joke in Mandarin?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, your joke in Mandarin.

[Dawson]

I mean, God. Well, the joke that I joke that I can do in both. No, the joke I can do in both languages, which is 100% true, is that I took. My last name is Bishop. So you have to pick a ch. You don't have to pick a name, but I picked a Chinese last name was Bi. B. Fourth tone.

[Adam Carolla]

B.

[Dawson]

Right. But. So that was fine, but they didn't tell me when I picked that name that it's a problem. This sounds like I did it for a joke, but I actually didn't.

[Adam Carolla]

B.

[Dawson]

First tone. B is in Chinese, which is 100% true, and I didn't know that. So I can joke about that in both languages, but the end of the routine that I do about that is that In Ireland, when I made the television series, they said don't say cunt because they don't like beeping out words. But I actually said it. So they had to beep it out, which was a problem because they went beep, which is cunt in Chinese. So everybody was offended. That's a punchline of a very long bit.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you've earned, you know.

[Dawson]

The good news is that people are fascinated by China. So I got a lot of good English standup out of my time.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, right. Yeah, sure.

[Dawson]

As well.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you would. The special, of all people. It's available on YouTube right now. Shows. We got Biltmore and then we got in Vancouver. We got Laughs Comedy club in Seattle. And then we had another one between.

[Dawson]

Boston, the weekend in between Christmas and New Year's. Laugh bomb. Laugh Boston, which is basically for my own people. Back in Boston.

[Adam Carolla]

Des Bishop is where you go. Dotnet.

[Dawson]

Yeah, I had dot com and I lost it somehow and I can't get it back.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Damn it.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll sell it back.

[Dawson]

It's you.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I'm gonna be at the Tapatio Cliffs Resort doing stand up. And that'll be this Saturday with Craig Shoemaker and then off to Pasadena at the Ice House. You go to mcroll.com for all my live shows. What do you got? Mayhem.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, whatever.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, whatever. On the Internet, I would think you.

[Dawson]

Should do like a traveling, traveling trivia show.

[Adam Carolla]

Me? Yeah.

[Dawson]

You're like insanely knowledgeable about everything.

[Adam Carolla]

I just think you guys are a little slow. I don't. I don't think I'm gifted. So until next time, CR Bishop and Mayhem Miller saying Mahala.

[Des Bishop]

Pick up your phone and leave us a voicemail. The phone number is 888-634-1744. And get tickets to see Adam Carolla at AdamCarolla.com.

[Mayhem Miller]

I love reality TV on Pluto TV same.

[Adam Carolla]

And I love that it's free.

[Mayhem Miller]

It gives me the freedom to watch Bravo's Real Housewives Vault channel.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm totally free to watch Bad Girls Club.

[Mayhem Miller]

I'm free for Jersey Shore love and hip hop.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm free all day.

[Mayhem Miller]

Survivor. I'm free all night.

[Adam Carolla]

With hundreds of free reality shows. You are totally free to watch what you love on Pluto tv.

[Mayhem Miller]

Pluto tv Stream now. Hey, never did you know you can watch all your favorite crime shows for free on Pluto tv.

[Adam Carolla]

Totally free.

[Mayhem Miller]

Totally free. They've got CSI New York, ncis, Criminal Minds, Blue Bloods, Tracker, FBI, swat. All for free.

[Adam Carolla]

There's something suspicious going on here.

[Mayhem Miller]

Nothing suspicious, just hundreds of free crime shows on Pluto tv. Crime never pays, and neither do I. Pluto TV stream now pay never.