Comedians Ben Bailey, Kira Soltanovich & Skinny Jodi Miller

Summary

Adam Carolla Show Episode Summary Episode: Comedians Ben Bailey, Kira Soltanovich & Skinny Jodi Miller
Release Date: November 11, 2024
Host: Adam Carolla

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Introduction

In this engaging episode of the Adam Carolla Show, host Adam Carolla welcomes comedians Ben Bailey, Kira Soltanovich, and Skinny Jodi Miller. The conversation spans a variety of topics, including the nuances of stand-up comedy, personal anecdotes from the guests' careers, societal observations, and light-hearted banter.

Guest Highlights

Ben Bailey on Reality TV

Ben Bailey, best known for his role on Cash Cab, shares his affinity for reality television.

• Ben Bailey [00:16]: "I love reality TV on Pluto TV."

Bailey elaborates on his favorite shows and the appeal of free streaming platforms.

Skinny Jodi Miller Discusses Her Career

Skinny Jodi Miller, also from Cash Cab, discusses her tenure on the show and her experiences as a comedian.

• Jodi Miller [03:28]: "Everybody, you know, people think that it was, but it was not."

Jodi clarifies misconceptions about her role in creating Cash Cab, highlighting her path as a gun-for-hire performer in the UK.

Stand-Up Comedy Anecdotes

Adam's Encounter with Hecklers

Adam Carolla recounts multiple frustrating experiences with hecklers during his stand-up performances.

• Adam Carolla [17:59]: "Why do you work at a bar? On a flight, you have Bud Light. What's the confusion over the light beer?"

He shares a particularly memorable incident where a patron repeatedly yelled "fuck you" during his set, leading to an intense exchange.

• Adam Carolla [43:51]: "I did stand up on a frat party and it was crazy...My daughter's pissed, everything, whatever."

Jodi's Stand-Up Challenges

Jodi Miller reflects on her own challenging stand-up moments, including dealing with hecklers and performing under unexpected circumstances.

• Jodi Miller [47:49]: "A young woman in a wheelchair rolled up next to the stage and started yelling, calling shit out."

Societal Observations

Wealth Surge of the World's Richest

The group discusses the recent surge in wealth among the world's top billionaires, attributing it to market rallies influenced by political events.

• Unnamed Speaker [67:40]: "Elon is the world's richest person and one of Trump's most outspoken, dedicated supporters."
• Adam Carolla [68:11]: "The market rallied on Wednesday as an election that collectively..."

The Big Yellow House Debate

A heated discussion ensues about the recent repainting of the iconic Big Yellow House in Glendale, California, with Adam expressing frustration over the color change.

• Adam Carolla [57:18]: "And I'm angry because you either paint it yellow again or take the fucking sign down, change the name."
• Jodi Miller [62:07]: "The line on the concrete there is yellow."

The panel debates the cultural and aesthetic implications of such changes, emphasizing the importance of maintaining historical landmarks.

Parenting and Modern Culture

Confronting Bullying and Discipline

Adam and his guests delve into contemporary parenting challenges, including dealing with bullying and the shift away from traditional disciplinary methods.

• Adam Carolla [118:16]: "They have to earn your self-esteem. I can't just bestow it upon you."
• Unnamed Speaker [120:13]: "There's a lot of narcissists and it unlocked it."

They advocate for more assertive parenting techniques, arguing against the prevalent "gentle parenting" trend.

Public Behavior and Social Norms

The discussion also touches on public behavior expectations, such as mask-wearing protocols and the design of public restrooms, highlighting frustrations with current practices.

• Adam Carolla [99:00]: "I was drenched...It's spraying all over the place."
• Jody Miller [104:07]: "I have a kid wearing a tutu in public and explaining why."

Closing Remarks

Adam wraps up the episode by promoting upcoming events and specials featuring his guests, emphasizing the camaraderie and shared experiences that define the show.

• Adam Carolla [131:00]: "Until next time, this is Adam for Ben and Kira and Jody saying Mahala."

Notable Quotes

• Adam Carolla [17:59]: "Why do you work at a bar? On a flight, you have Bud Light. What's the confusion over the light beer?"
• Jodi Miller [03:28]: "Everybody, you know, people think that it was, but it was not."
• Adam Carolla [57:18]: "You either paint it yellow again or take the fucking sign down, change the name."
• Adam Carolla [118:16]: "They have to earn your self-esteem. I can't just bestow it upon you."

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This episode offers a blend of humor, candid discussions, and insightful commentary, making it a compelling listen for fans of Adam Carolla and his diverse range of guests.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, in this episode, we got skinny Jody Miller doing the news and Ben Bailey from Cash Cab. You know that guy and funny comedian Kira Sultanovich is coming in as well. And we'll do all that in news right after this.

[Ben Bailey]

I love reality TV on Pluto tv.

[Adam Carolla]

Same.

[Ben Bailey]

And I love that it's free. It gives me the freedom to watch Bravo's Real Housewives Vault channel. I'm totally free to watch Bad Girls Club. I'm free for Jersey Shore love and hip hop. I'm free all day Survivor. I'm free all night. With hundreds of free reality shows, you are totally free to watch what you love on Pluto tv. Pluto TV stream now. Hey, never.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, fans of freedom and open discussion. I'm heading over to Substack and there's an ad free audio and video version of the Adam Carolla show that's going to be waiting there in the near future. You'll even be able to watch ACS live unedited as we record it, participate in the show via live chat. That'll be coming up very soon. You also get an ad free version of the Adam Kurl and Dr. Drew show. You also get an exclusive to my new podcast, Beat it out, where I share unpolished ideas with my comedian buddies. The first series of episodes is going to be Jay Moore. You'll get all this and more for the low, low price of nine bucks a month of pittance for all we're going to bring. You subscribe now@adam carolla.com substack and I'll see all of you in our new speakeasy called Substack.

[Kira Sultanovich]

From Corolla One studios in Glendale, California, this is the Adam Corolla Show. Adam's guest today, comedians Ben Bailey, Jody Miller and Kira Sultanovich. Plus the news with Jody Miller. And now, thank God he watched football yesterday because he almost forgot to end. Hate Adam Carolla.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, get it on. Got to get a little judgment. Yeah, Skinny Jody Miller here, she's gonna do the news. I don't know. It's got dates. Always got special. Outstanding special. Decades in the making. Very good special. I saw it taped live and Ben Bailey's got a special out, too. Please tell me what I said.

[Jody Miller]

Drop on specials. Yeah, please tell me what I said.

[Adam Carolla]

It's available on YouTube, right? And other platforms as well. And of course, people know you most from cash cab for 15 or 16 years. How many seasons?

[Jody Miller]

16 seasons from 2005 to 2020.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Great show.

[Jody Miller]

A lot of seasons, but sort of like in the shadow of, you know, like we were Fringe. So.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

But is Cash Cab your thing or are you gun for hire?

[Jody Miller]

No, I was gun for hire. I auditioned. It started in the uk. It's kind of funny because I've Two different times now. I've had a person like a wacko on the road come up to me and be like, you, where's my money for Cash Cab? We came up with it together, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Oh, my God.

[Jody Miller]

And I'm like, I know that we didn't come up with it together.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jody Miller]

And they're like, how do you. I'm like, it wasn't my idea. Right.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Wow.

[Jody Miller]

So. But everybody, you know, people think that it was, but it was not.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Have you seen.

[Jody Miller]

I had been a limo driver and a comedian.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh.

[Jody Miller]

So it just sort of fit the bill.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jody Miller]

You know. You know, I mean, they didn't just give it to me based on that.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I ask.

[Jody Miller]

I never had an audition go, better.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Like, it just one of those things where you're like.

[Jody Miller]

It all just falls in place normally, though.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Have you ever had an audition, though, where they're like, that was so good. What's your availability next week? And you're just like, this is it. And you walk out and you never hear from them again.

[Jody Miller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, well, all auditions that go, most of them, right. Auditions that go bad are like dates that don't go well or people that have really shitty jobs. And I'll tie this whole thing together, which is to say, if you say to somebody, like, you're somewhere in some setting, in a party or whatever, friend's house, and you go, what do you do? And they go, oh, I work at a sewage rendering plant. You'll go, oh, cool. Yeah, okay. Good per blood, good benefits. Right, Right. Like, you'll go. Hard to try to make it good, you know? And the people go, look, I'm driving for Uber right now. Hey, freedom, man. Make your own schedule. You know? They don't. You go. Someone just goes, I'm an orthodontist. You go, wow, man, that's interesting work. Or I could never do that or something. But you don't go like, oh, hey, so there's a compet. And when people. I've been on the other side of the table, like, auditioning the woman who's supposed to play my wife in a sitcom. And when someone comes in there and shits the bed, everyone's like, okay. But when they're done, they're like, fantastic. Yeah.

[Jody Miller]

Every single one.

[Adam Carolla]

We have your number, right? We got your number, right?

[Unnamed Speaker]

You've never been misleading about it. You're definitely not the guy that bullshits people.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm not, but everyone else is full of shit. And they go hard and, like, you've done a bad date where it's like, when you're getting dropped off, you're never gonna see this fucker ever again. And you'll paint something on just to.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Go, no, that can't be true, because I have had dates, and we've been making out by the car. And he's like, what are you doing Tuesday? I want to see you Tuesday. And then I never hear from him again. I'm a. That was a good date.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm saying don't get defensive. Don't get defensive. I'm just saying when. When people know they're never going to see someone ever again, sometimes they gussy it up. That's all right.

[Jody Miller]

And you. And you sweeten it up for them.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Do you do that right?

[Jody Miller]

Like, when you're saying, paint it on, right? It's like, here's my job. And you're like. You put, like, a nice spin on it just for that moment so you guys can get through that awkward little moment.

[Adam Carolla]

People do that with, like, when they find out your kid's going to junior college, they go, oh, smart man. Eight bucks a unit. Eight bucks. And they can transfer positives about that. You can transfer. Yeah. Like, they go hard and figure, loser don't lose. But they go hard and they gussy it up. People do that all the time. It's kind of a form of what you do with, like, retarded people. You know, where they go, like, I got foiled. You go, oh, look at the foil.

[Jody Miller]

I was doing an interview in. In the uk, a morning radio, BBC radio thing, and I made a comment about, you know, I was talking about, like, do you love your job? What's a good job? You know, And I said something. I didn't say, like, what a horrible job it is to be a garbage man.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Jody Miller]

Or a trash collector or whatever.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Right.

[Jody Miller]

But I kind of, you know, and people, you know, a lot of people called in and right then said, oh, well, I'm a. I. I'm a garbage collector, and I love my job. And, you know, I'm like, I. I know, I know. I wasn't. I hope you do.

[Adam Carolla]

You got a punch up.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Yeah, yeah. What did you say, though, exactly?

[Jody Miller]

I don't remember specifically. It was. It was like some old bit.

[Unnamed Speaker]

It was like.

[Jody Miller]

And it was just like the. It was the bad job in the kid. I just needed to have a bad Job.

[Adam Carolla]

You need an example of a bad job.

[Jody Miller]

Yeah. And I, you know, and like people all up in arms about it. I'm like, what job? Finally I said, well, you fill in. It would tell me what job I could use.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jody Miller]

You know, it was like, oh, then I can't do the joke if I can't come up with it. With a job that's rare enough that not that many people are going to be pissed that I mentioned it.

[Adam Carolla]

The job. Well, maybe sewage rendering plant or something.

[Jody Miller]

And that's what made me think of it. I think that's the perfect.

[Unnamed Speaker]

I actually, if somebody told me they were sewage, I would have to know more about that. Like, what exactly? What does your day look like? What does your daily day look like?

[Adam Carolla]

I. Well, okay, so the thing about punching up versus punching down lawyers who make a thousand bucks an hour, billable hours are the ones we always call scumbags and losers and leeches and stuff like that. You can sit, you could share a cab, possibly even a cash cab with a lawyer. And that guy could jump in the back and he'd go, what do you do? And he'd go, I'm a lawyer. And he'd go, ugh, I fucking hate lawyers. And he'd go, you know you do. We hate them too. Like, they're the only job where they go. Like, nobody does that. Like, no one goes, I'm a beekeeper. Oh, fuck those douches. Fuck those douches. Fuck those fucking. You know, there barnacles on the ass of society, keepers of peace.

[Jody Miller]

You make.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, look at me, I make honey. And by the way. And the beekeeper would go, yeah, be lawyers. You got lawyers. Fucking vermin and scumbags. And they just laugh.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Well, yeah, they don't want to be lawyers either.

[Jody Miller]

Personal injury in front of lawyers, that's.

[Adam Carolla]

A whole nother level from rapist to pedophile. Really quick, you just add personal injury.

[Jody Miller]

I just haven't been about how they're advertised on the side of the road.

[Adam Carolla]

In front of like, you actually crash.

[Jody Miller]

And then the billboard is right there.

[Adam Carolla]

Sweet James.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Sweet James. Right there.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, there's. Sorry, I'm trying to catch their attention somewhere, but I'm looking for my menu here. That wasn't. Doesn't appear to be on my thing. We were talking about protocol before.

[Jody Miller]

Yeah, protocol.

[Adam Carolla]

Let's circle back to that. Yeah. All right, this thing's missing, but the person injured people.

[Jody Miller]

That's the argument. I'm not saying that I agree with that argument, but, like, it's all wrong. People who get injured get compensated because those guys are.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Yeah.

[Jody Miller]

Are right there.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Right there. Probably.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jody Miller]

But, like, it's. It's gone so far beyond that that it's.

[Unnamed Speaker]

You know, I don't know why they have to have names like Sweet James.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you're right.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Why? Like, what would yours.

[Adam Carolla]

Sweet James is the name of, like.

[Jody Miller]

Your personal injury lawyer name.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Injury lawyer name. I want to know right now.

[Jody Miller]

We come up with a formula for it.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Yeah. We need it, Mark.

[Adam Carolla]

Teachers.

[Unnamed Speaker]

What?

[Adam Carolla]

I've never talked to a personal injury lawyer because I've never had a personal injury.

[Unnamed Speaker]

You were a personal injury lawyer. Like, the guy James is obviously sweet.

[Jody Miller]

Right? Like your porn star name or your.

[Adam Carolla]

I like Moisha Goldstein. Like, I want as chewy a name as I can find. Sweet James. Sounds like he plays jazz saxophone in New Orleans, you know? Yeah. It's gotten you $1 billion for you. It's sad. Look, there's certain indicators in life I'm trying to explain to people about the indicators. Okay, okay. Because you can look at graphs and charts and data, but there's just sort of indicators. Like in Los Angeles, you go into the pharmacy or the Rite Aid and everything's locked up in a cage. Like, I'm talking to. I'm talking to Dr. Dr. On the way in today, and he's like, I'm at a CVS and I'm pushing the help button because all the shit's in the cage and no one's coming to help me. And I have to sit here and push this button because there's one person that works. Yeah. And I like, that is a very bad sign for society that we have to take nyquil and chapstick and cartridges for razors and lock them in a cave. I told everyone the first time I saw the barbed wire around the freeway signs, Los Angeles need to stop and go. What the fuck is going on in this city that we feel the necessity to put razor wire around our freeway signs? Something is graffiti, right? Yeah.

[Jody Miller]

Isn't it?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jody Miller]

What about.

[Adam Carolla]

But something's wrong with your society. And when every third commercial is for a personal injury attorney and every second billboard, you have to stop and go. Something has gone amiss here.

[Jody Miller]

Do you know the buildings that were started but never completed in downtown la?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jody Miller]

That then got tagged. Tagged, like literally every floor, every.

[Adam Carolla]

No idea of what you speak.

[Jody Miller]

It's happened. There's a Chinese company who's building these three big towers. They ran out of money. They just bailed and disappeared. And then.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I've seen them. They're downtown.

[Jody Miller]

Word got out and then they, I mean, it's pretty fairly recently. And so they're just, they tag, completely covered right now. It's gonna cost the city 5.3 million bucks. Yes, because they don't prosecute for graffiti. Well, they stopped prosecuting for graffiti and the graffiti artists know that. So they're like, woo. You know, they're like, after a couple of weeks, the buildings are empty. Let's.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Let's hit every floor and what they're going to.

[Jody Miller]

So I'm agreeing with you 100%.

[Unnamed Speaker]

They're going to paint them.

[Jody Miller]

Something's going awry. Like, you know, you can't let that happen because now that's, that's $5 million of shitty money. And LA needs all the money they can get to try to get ready for the Olympics, which is, which is like, oh my God, the Olympics are coming here.

[Adam Carolla]

In less than four years, three and.

[Unnamed Speaker]

A half years they're coming here. Guys, there it is.

[Jody Miller]

Traffic's pretty bad without the, the 11 million or whatever it is.

[Unnamed Speaker]

I have to say though, that's a look you can just.

[Kira Sultanovich]

It is a look.

[Jody Miller]

It's almost like, let's just use it as a, like a movie set or artists.

[Unnamed Speaker]

All artists live there. It's an artist compound.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Oh, God. Douchebag central. They just, I mean, you gotta leave one unit alone. When you clean everything off. Just one, Just one.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Keep one. Which one would you keep?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. I'd take a vote on it. But I would say, yeah, vote on it. Pick one as a little homage. You know, like sometimes when they remodel a bank and they turn it into a coffee house or something.

[Kira Sultanovich]

But they left the vault.

[Adam Carolla]

They left the vault?

[Unnamed Speaker]

Yeah, it's always the vault.

[Adam Carolla]

Because that's always the vault. It's too heavy.

[Jody Miller]

I wonder if there's inside.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Oh, I really love to see.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I see?

[Unnamed Speaker]

It's just gotta be squatters. Yeah, they're squatters.

[Adam Carolla]

According to me, according to movies and every movie I've ever seen in my life, nothing good happens in a vault. Somebody either gets locked in or there's a heist. Something or somebody wants to know the combination with the pistol, you know, there's nothing. You see a vault, some shit's happening.

[Unnamed Speaker]

It's not like a romantic dinner.

[Adam Carolla]

Inside the vault, no one ever goes. You see that movie? Yeah. What happened? They went to the vault, they got their stuff in a timely fashion and then they left. And it was fine. No, it's always something.

[Jody Miller]

They found the Puppy. The puppy was in the vault.

[Adam Carolla]

The puppy was in the vault.

[Unnamed Speaker]

I was in there the whole time.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, the whole time.

[Jody Miller]

Something cool about, like, an old vault.

[Adam Carolla]

I like that.

[Jody Miller]

Yeah. Like my.

[Adam Carolla]

One of my.

[Jody Miller]

One of the banks in my hometown. I was like, they got a. You know, they don't use it anymore, but it's just got the big door.

[Unnamed Speaker]

You used to walk in the house.

[Jody Miller]

Makes me want to film something.

[Unnamed Speaker]

I used to go in there with my mom.

[Jody Miller]

I want to shoot a movie in.

[Unnamed Speaker]

There with the safety. To hear, like, security box. Because we kept our passports in there. We'd walk in together. They had a key. We had a key. It was very exciting for a kid.

[Adam Carolla]

You had a childhood that had a securities box.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Safety. Safety, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You had a box?

[Unnamed Speaker]

I had a box.

[Jody Miller]

You guys had a safe deposit box.

[Unnamed Speaker]

We did.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a big deal.

[Unnamed Speaker]

It's not, though. It was a tiny box.

[Adam Carolla]

It's not a regular folk, though.

[Jody Miller]

You were up high. You were on one of the high shelves. You guys had, like, an Altoid system.

[Unnamed Speaker]

We had a low one down. It was like a small. Yeah, it was like a. Sort of like a shoebox. And we kept our passports or birth certificates, stuff that all locked away at.

[Jody Miller]

The bank for some reason.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Yeah. I don't know why, looking back, I'm like, why didn't we just get a safe and get one of those at home?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Unnamed Speaker]

But no, we kept it there. So when we'd go on vacation, my mom's like, let's go to the bank. Let's get everything. We'd go. And it was a big deal.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a highfalutin move. I don't know. Why is it?

[Jody Miller]

Well, it's like, is it possible there was something in that safe deposit box that you don't know about? Like, your mom was going to get something else before you went on vacation?

[Unnamed Speaker]

Because when she passed away, we still had that box, and there was nothing. I was, like, expecting, like, oh, I'm gonna find something good in here.

[Jody Miller]

There's nothing in it.

[Unnamed Speaker]

There's really nothing in it.

[Adam Carolla]

Actually.

[Unnamed Speaker]

There was, like, a pen. White Meadow Lake. I grew up in White Meadow Lake, New Jersey. I think there's a pen from, like, the Rotary Club or something.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, can I say this? The safe deposit box suggests affluence. It does, but it doesn't have to. It's like.

[Jody Miller]

No, it's some material that you don't want anyone to know about, too. That's not necessarily valuable.

[Adam Carolla]

It happens. Right?

[Jody Miller]

It's like pictures of something you don't.

[Adam Carolla]

Want anyone to see.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Yeah. Something you don't want to know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna file the safe deposit box under a shoe buffer. And that most people that have shoe buffers at their home are affluent people. But you can be middle class and own a $30 shoe buffer. You just probably don't. And you can be middle class and pay $7 a month for a safe deposit box. But you probably don't. Like if you. This guy's got a shoe buffer and a safe deposit box. I'd go, I want my daughter marrying that guy. But it could be your flunky brother.

[Jody Miller]

A person. When you're saying shoe buffer.

[Unnamed Speaker]

I know.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I'm talking full time electronic thing.

[Unnamed Speaker]

I didn't have that.

[Jody Miller]

One of those little spinny things.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, that's why you weren't rich.

[Unnamed Speaker]

No, we were. We were just middle class with the $7.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, you had a shoe buffer.

[Unnamed Speaker]

A white middle lake bank. I don't even know if it was like a. I don't even know.

[Adam Carolla]

But if you wanted to be affluent, you'd have to get a shoe buffer.

[Unnamed Speaker]

You'd have to get a shoe buffer first and keep it in the safe deposit box.

[Adam Carolla]

Can you guys riddle me this? Because it's the second. No, it's now the third time this has happened to me by a younger woman who I was attempting to get a beer from. And then tell me in general why this is happening so much at the workplace. The Southwest flight attendant, who was kind of heavy set, 26 year old gal, came by miraculously because they cancel service all the time, came by the other day and said, would you like a beverage? And I said, yes, I would like a light beer. Which this has now happened to me twice on a Southwest flight and then twice at a bar in an airport where I went, a light beer and they go like an ipa. That's what she said. Now she works on an airplane that has three mirrors.

[Jody Miller]

Not remote fucking ipa.

[Unnamed Speaker]

The one that has light at the end of it.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, can I just say, like, why.

[Jody Miller]

Do you fly Southwest?

[Adam Carolla]

Because. To get to Vegas from Burbank, it's really about. Because it's all you can do. And there's a flight every half hour and I have low self esteem and I don't give a fuck.

[Jody Miller]

And no, no, I just like you could. You could fly other airlines if you chose to. I wondered if there's a reason why there's.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the only thing is you don't want to. You don't Want to go out of lax, Right?

[Jody Miller]

Not from here. Right.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Jody Miller]

So where do you fly out of?

[Unnamed Speaker]

Burbank.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's what we're talking about. We're going Burbank, that's why. To Vegas.

[Unnamed Speaker]

It's like every half hour.

[Jody Miller]

Because I fly back to New York, so.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Jody Miller]

It's been so long since I could leave. Out of Burbank.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Yeah.

[Jody Miller]

I used to be able to.

[Adam Carolla]

You want to get out of here? Burbank? Out here? Well, let's not digress.

[Jody Miller]

Okay. Yeah, yeah. In the airport, light beer and IPA are.

[Adam Carolla]

So I go to her. Not even close, but all she does all day is walk up and down the fucking aisle, this plane, and hand out beers to every fifth person I asked for a beer. So she goes, like an ipa? And I go, no, like a light beer. Like a Miller Light or Bud Light or something like that. And she goes, oh, yeah, okay. Yeah, okay. Yeah, we have a Bud Light. And I go, yeah, Bud Light. Like, it's just a light. I've just got. I don't say Bud Light, because she could go, we don't have Bud Light.

[Jody Miller]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

But she have Miller Light. So I just go, a light.

[Unnamed Speaker]

A light fear.

[Adam Carolla]

Then she comes back.

[Jody Miller]

She doesn't know her own stuff, and.

[Adam Carolla]

She hands me a IPA.

[Unnamed Speaker]

No, she does not.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, she does, 1,000%. And I go, I wanted a light beer. And she goes, oh, yeah, okay. Bud Light. And then it happened to me in a bar in an airport, like, months ago, where I went, do you have a light beer, like a Bud Light or Miller Light? And they go, oh, we have a Fat Tire Ale or something. And I go, but a light beer? And she goes, that. That's a light beer. That's a light beer. I go, but. But there's a. There's a category of beer that ends in the word light. Heineken makes it. Corona makes it. Everyone makes it. And you work at a bar.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

And I didn't come into your accounting office, barge into your cubicle and demand.

[Jody Miller]

Give me a light beer.

[Adam Carolla]

A light beer. And you haven't drank for 22 years? No.

[Jody Miller]

They'd be like, bud Light, Miller Lund. Accountants would know.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. I didn't come into your Amish foundry and demand a light beer. You walk the aisle of a Southwest flight, you have Bud wine. Well, some place where you might not have beer. I'm with you. You walk the aisle of a Southwest flight and you hand out beer, and you only have three beers. You have, like, a Corona, you have a ipa, and you Have a Bud Light. So what's the confusion over the light beer? That's the second time the person didn't know. You mean like a lighter colored beer or lighter in the can? Weight wise? Yeah.

[Jody Miller]

She didn't know.

[Adam Carolla]

And on the ground, she didn't know either. What is this?

[Unnamed Speaker]

This is infuriating to me because I was a bartender for 15 years, but even if I was not a bartender for that long and I wasn't in the service industry, when you say the word light, you're actually saying, I want to. Even if I had no idea about any beers, no knowledge about it, I would assume when you say light, my first thought would be like, Bud Light, Coors Light, Miller Lite. That has to be what he's talking about. Not a lighter color. I didn't say.

[Jody Miller]

You can tell. You've said that a thousand times.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Oh, my God. Literally, when I hear that, it just, like, drives me out.

[Jody Miller]

How annoying is this somebody. Because I worked. I was a waiter. I was a bartender, too. People ask you what kind of beer you have. You list 17 beers, and then they ask you if you have one that you didn't say.

[Unnamed Speaker]

You didn't say, oh, so you don't have, like, Blue Moon. You don't have Blue Moon. I didn't.

[Jody Miller]

Did I say Blue Moon?

[Adam Carolla]

I want to turn the table off. Over like one of the housewives in New Jersey when I hear. I do it, you know they'll do it too. Women do it. Men do it with beer. Women do it with salad dressing. All right. What kind of salad dressing? We have a Zesty Italian. We have blue cheese, and we have Thousand Island. No root, no Rockford. Oh, yeah. And Roquefort. Oh, right, I forgot.

[Jody Miller]

I forgot.

[Adam Carolla]

We have Roquefort.

[Unnamed Speaker]

I never actually.

[Jody Miller]

Roquefort.

[Unnamed Speaker]

I've been at a restaurant. I never ask. I always look on the menu to see if it's listed because I can't remember what you're just telling me. Like, I want to see the options and then assume that that's it. But when somebody, like, look on the airplane, it's even more infuriating because they don't have a lot of options. They probably have three beers.

[Adam Carolla]

Three, right. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying.

[Jody Miller]

One of them is a light beer.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Yes. One of them is a light beer.

[Adam Carolla]

One has to work very deliberately.

[Jody Miller]

One of them is a light beer. It's not just like one of them is an ipa.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Yes, exactly.

[Jody Miller]

Okay. I have a similar thing on a flight. It's early morning, we're getting breakfast, and the flight attendant says, do you want the scramble or the Southwest? Scramble or the whatever, right? And I'm like, I'll just have the scrambled eggs and hash browns, I think. And the guy next to me, he goes, what's the. What's the Southwest? And she goes, well, it's. It's. I can tell immediately that she doesn't know.

[Unnamed Speaker]

She doesn't know, right?

[Jody Miller]

And she goes, it's. You know, it's. It's similar, but with Southwest spices. And the guy goes. The guy goes, like, does it have, like, chorizo in it?

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Jody Miller]

And she goes, kind of.

[Adam Carolla]

What kind of.

[Jody Miller]

She doesn't know what's in it, and she doesn't know what chorizo is.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Oh, no, definitely not.

[Jody Miller]

And then it comes in. It absolutely has chorizo in it.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Of course it does.

[Jody Miller]

So very similar. This is what she. You know. But she doesn't know what's in the. In the thing.

[Adam Carolla]

These are. Okay.

[Jody Miller]

I get pain problems, right?

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, these are dumb people, but dumb people, you need to work even harder, right? I think dumb people are like, I'm dumb. What do you want for me?

[Jody Miller]

What should we do on the other side?

[Adam Carolla]

Are we.

[Jody Miller]

Should we help them?

[Adam Carolla]

I try to be condescending.

[Jody Miller]

Should we say, like, you okay, Light beer, you know, explain, or just get.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Angry, and it makes me angry that they have a job where they didn't learn what they need to learn. Here's the thing. For me, if that happened to me, which it would not, it would only happen once, because I'd feel like an asshole, and I would immediately go back to the galley and I would figure out every single thing that we offer.

[Kira Sultanovich]

On a flight higher up.

[Unnamed Speaker]

I would literally be like. I would be like, this is what we have. This is what's in this. Because I don't ever want to feel stupid. Like, do you know what I mean? I don't want someone to stare at me like that and be like, what's in this? Or what's that? I'd be. I'd figure it out. You know what I mean? And this chicken, she's not doing that.

[Jody Miller]

She probably. Maybe she doesn't have the wherewithal to.

[Kira Sultanovich]

Make that happen to know that the.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Word light on the end of a bottle is what he's probably looking.

[Jody Miller]

Yeah. She would have by now if she could, right?

[Unnamed Speaker]

I guess she's a little light. She's light. She is a flight attendant Light. She's a light flight attendant.

[Adam Carolla]

No, she. Okay, first off, Your estimation that she would have if she could have. She can. She just doesn't. And nobody demands it of her.

[Jody Miller]

Okay?

[Adam Carolla]

And that's the new world order. Yes. Every time I say to somebody where they go, we have the frittata, I go, what's in that? Let me check. They have to leave. They have to leave. I didn't just say bacon and fucking Swiss cheese. Like, I don't know, committed to memory. Cocaine. Now. Mad. And the reason I'm mad is because these bitches have infiltrated all of society. Because there's bunches of people that don't really want to do stuff or know how to do stuff when they're just there, you know. The car dealership. The car dealership. The last time I went to look into buying a new car, I'm going all electric now. And I went to the Genesis dealership in Glendale, and I walked in and it was this big, beautiful, huge suv and it looked amazing. And I was like, do you have. I heard you have the G70. It's all electric or whatever. I go, do you have one of those available to the 28 year old chick who's now the car salesman? And she goes, yeah. I go, can I see one? Is there one I could take a look at? She goes, it's right there. I go, oh, that's all electric. She goes, yeah. I go, wow, that's so much bigger. Nicer than I thought. I saw a picture. I thought it was smaller. No. I go, whoa. Well, then maybe I will sign up for this. I didn't want to get the electric because I thought it was a little too small, but if it's a full size, this is big and beautiful. I go, where's the. Where do you plug it in? She goes, oh, yeah, no, that's not. That's not the electric one. I'd like your desk. You have to wind it up at the back. Your desk seven feet from this thing, and it sits here all day, every day. Really? Really, dude? Have you. And it's $86,000. Hold on. And then at some point I'll look at the other whatever and I'll go, sticker's 86. Yeah. Is that V8 or V6? You'll go, let me check on that. It's like, what do you have to check on? Just learn it. Know it. You want me to buy an $86,000 SUV? If I go across the street to the Apple store, the guy will know much more about the $400 phone than you know about the $86,000 vehicle, right? Yeah.

[Jody Miller]

Did you switch to electric?

[Adam Carolla]

I did.

[Jody Miller]

And have you checked? I have both the Rivian.

[Adam Carolla]

I've seen many on the road, but I've not driven.

[Jody Miller]

They're the ones that I like. I switched to electric. Yeah. I started driving Teslas 10 years ago, and I love them.

[Adam Carolla]

Good.

[Jody Miller]

And so now. And there was no SUV or truck or anything that was available then.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Jody Miller]

So now there is. And there's crazy competition. So I've been checking them out because I really want to get one. And I think I'm kind of leaning towards the Rivian SUV.

[Unnamed Speaker]

It's nice.

[Adam Carolla]

Are they 100 grand?

[Unnamed Speaker]

Yeah, they're a lot.

[Jody Miller]

Yeah. But they're gonna lease them.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you can.

[Jody Miller]

Yeah, you can lease them. So here's. And that's a lot more reasonable. And that's a pretty kick ass truck, man.

[Unnamed Speaker]

It makes me.

[Jody Miller]

There's a bunch of them now, but there's some of them.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Nice. And if you work at any of. Here's the thing. Yeah. 86,000. Even if it was 33,000, you're obviously gonna make a commission on it, wouldn't you?

[Jody Miller]

But I would expect the person to know everything about it when I go to look at it.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on. One at a time.

[Unnamed Speaker]

You should be the best salesperson. Like if. If I was excited about a product or a car or anything, I could sell the shit out of it.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yes.

[Unnamed Speaker]

By knowing every single thing about it and getting excited about it and getting you excited about it. The second I'm like, let me check. You're tuned out, you're done. It's like, especially with something very simple that's probably listed on.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like, it's also. I. It's. It's so doable. When I was doing Celebrity Apprentice. God, what happened to that guy Trump? Where'd he go?

[Unnamed Speaker]

Oh, no.

[Adam Carolla]

Anyways.

[Jody Miller]

Vanished into a.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Let me check. Let me check.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. See, I mean, you Google other Trump names will come up. Jamie Trump, Steve Trump, Bob Trump. But eventually Donald Trump will come up if you Google it. And then we'll see what he's up to. Unlike the 11th page, he's still alive, I'm sure. And he's doing commercial. Probably doing some commercial stuff.

[Jody Miller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Anyway, my task, our final challenge, the one that got me thrown off for. I got jobbed and screwed, but the one that got me thrown off for is I was told that we had to launch like a Pontiac Jeep for something, some kind of integration with Pontiac. You know, they'd get the free car and then they'd sponsor the, you know, whatever. And I was the team leader and I was told, you have to give a Steve Jobs type presentation on this Pontiac G4. And I just went back to my room at Trump Tower and half an.

[Jody Miller]

Hour later, you knew what you needed to know.

[Adam Carolla]

Brought my information as a 2 liter naturally aspirated straight 4, 146 horsepower, 210 foot pounds of torque, you know, 34 towing capacity, mileage range, you know, whatever. And it's just committed it to memory. And then I walked out the next day. And that's what I said because I looked at it at home.

[Jody Miller]

I brought it home. That don't do that. Are too dumb to do it or are they too lazy to do it or. No, you're saying like they don't have a boss who's making them do it.

[Adam Carolla]

They are dumb, they are lazy, or.

[Jody Miller]

D all of the above.

[Adam Carolla]

They're not being compelled to do it. And dumb people don't care if you think they're dumb because they don't recognize you. As Jody said she would go into a shame spiral if she didn't know something that the customer was asking.

[Jody Miller]

Well, they also could be dumb enough that they don't know that they're dumb. Like, there's actually scientific studies showing that's what it is. People can actually be too dumb to know how dumb they are.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, thousand percent.

[Jody Miller]

So they think they're on top of shit.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't even know if they think they're on top of it. They just.

[Unnamed Speaker]

They don't care.

[Adam Carolla]

They don't care.

[Unnamed Speaker]

They don't care.

[Adam Carolla]

They're dumb, but they have to work. But they don't sit in the corner office. You interface with the dumb person.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Can I ask a question? What happened with that Pontiac presentation?

[Adam Carolla]

I got fucked royally.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Did you nail it though, the presentation?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. If you ask Penn Jillette. Penn Jillette. Comically. Comically. Our team was called. I don't know when they came back.

[Jody Miller]

Penn was on your team with you?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. There's the man versus the women, you know, And I remember Giant, Penn Jillette. All these dickheads are on my side, you know, and they're like, you gotta name your team something. Your team needs a name. And I was like, honey Badgers. And everyone looked at me and went, no, come on. And I was like, why not? And they're like, no, come on. I was like, why not? Honey Badger. Fucking honey badgers. Kick ass, man. So our team was called. I don't know what. Not Honey Badgers, Not Honey. Once. Once they rejected my honey badger offering. I was like, I'm gonna go fucking have a light beer over here. You an ipa.

[Kira Sultanovich]

Didn't you guys go with Forte?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, no, no.

[Kira Sultanovich]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

No, the other team went with Forte.

[Kira Sultanovich]

Oh, okay.

[Adam Carolla]

The other team went with the women. Went with Forte.

[Jody Miller]

Like a little. You shouldn't have one of those in your team name.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, an oomla or whatever accent. Well, with Forte.

[Jody Miller]

That's different.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's different.

[Jody Miller]

That's a different approach.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, no, you have to have.

[Jody Miller]

A. I did an episode of that show.

[Adam Carolla]

You have to have a low and brow light in order to get an umlaut.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Uh huh.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you didn't.

[Jody Miller]

I did.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, wait, hold on, let me, let me finish and then we'll get to that.

[Jody Miller]

Totally spaced. Just one little thing I did. But yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So the team was. Other team was called Forte. Penn Jillette explained to us that it was pronounced fort the entire time because he's smarter than everybody. And it's fort. It's fort. It's fort. They don't know what they're doing. It's called fort. And then somewhere mid season, he got traded to the Forte team. He called it fort.

[Jody Miller]

I don't know. You could trade people. That's cool.

[Adam Carolla]

They mix it up at a certain point. And then at some point, I got put in charge of the Pontiac G4. And they wanted Michael Andretti to do it because he was an Andretti, but he didn't want to do it because he was sponsored by Toyota and he couldn't do it, but he couldn't say he was sponsored by Toyota. So they made me do it.

[Unnamed Speaker]

And you're a Corolla.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm a Corolla.

[Unnamed Speaker]

It was awkward, I know.

[Adam Carolla]

And then the segment producer explained to us the rules off the air, and they said, do a Steve Jobs type presentation. And then I said, I'll get everybody up here to do. Come up on stage with me. And then Penn Jillette, once again, smartest guy in the room, said. He said, steve Jobs. The guy said, steve Jobs presentation. So I said, fine. And I went up alone and I did a Steve Jobs presentation and I nailed it. And then we got to the boardroom and they said, you did not involve enough of the rest of your cast. And why didn't Michael Andretti do it? And I was like, well, first off, that's not my fault. He didn't want to do it. So I stepped up, number one. Number two, your person told me to do it this way, which they cut out because that was off camera. So they kept yelling at me or why didn't I involve people more? I involved people, but I stood up on stage alone. That's because your stupid producer explained it this way.

[Jody Miller]

I said, producers? Gillette. Penn Gillette is the producer.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Jody Miller]

No. Okay, so I was.

[Adam Carolla]

The producer said to do it that way. And then Penn Jillette said. I went to Penn's laptop. I said, I never seen a Steve Jobs presentation. He opened his laptop, he showed me Steve Jobs was him. Just him. And he said, that's what the guy said. And I said, okay.

[Unnamed Speaker]

When you left, do you think he set you up?

[Jody Miller]

Penn Jillette?

[Unnamed Speaker]

Oh, probably.

[Adam Carolla]

No, because the guy said it wasn't him. It was the producer.

[Jody Miller]

He was Right. But, like, is it possible that he told you that and they didn't tell him? That is what I mean. Like, he gave you false information to get you pendulet.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jody Miller]

Or are you guys buddies? I can't tell.

[Adam Carolla]

I like pendulet, but. No, I do too, but how would he feed it?

[Jody Miller]

A little bit of a nut, though. The.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but if the producer said that, then how did Penn set me up?

[Jody Miller]

Well, I mean, if the producer didn't say it and Penn told you, the producer said it to get you to do it.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. But I was in the room. Producer tells everybody. I didn't go, I'm going to go on a soda run. Fill me in when I get back. Now they get everyone in the room. But you had a story, too. I got you.

[Jody Miller]

I got you. I just was just trying to understand how.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm sorry.

[Unnamed Speaker]

When you left.

[Jody Miller]

No, no, no.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Did you scream honey badgers?

[Adam Carolla]

I lifted my fist. I yelled, Wolverine. We were team unanimous. That was our team. So it's the Internet. Sorry. You had a. Sorry. So I.

[Jody Miller]

Cash Cab was initially on Discovery Channel, so I was part of, like, the Discovery family. So I knew the original Deadliest Catch guys. I still do.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, right.

[Jody Miller]

Great bunch of dudes. So, Sig, Captain Sigma from Deadliest Catch was on a season of the Apprentice.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, he was? Yeah.

[Jody Miller]

And so he calls me and he's like, I want you to come and do some standup for me. And I'm like, what? I have no idea. These on the show or what? I'm like, what do you.

[Adam Carolla]

What do you mean?

[Jody Miller]

What are you talking about? He's like, just come. Just come to the. To this address, you know? I'm like, sig, what are you doing? Finally, I get him. He's like, I'm on the Apprentice. I need help. We're trying Geraldo Rivera and I are trying to put together a cruise where these people go out on a cruise on a. Like a Circle Line, you know.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Jody Miller]

So I'm like, dude, I really don't want to. I really don't want to come and do stand up on a boat for you. But he convinced me to do it, so I went. And it was. It was actually okay. But there's a funny moment where he and Geraldo were dressed up like sea captains, and he's like, little. Like, they look like Gopher and Doc from Love Boat.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jody Miller]

And they come in and they've got another one, and they, like, come walking over to me, and I go, I'm not wearing a fucking sea captain's outfit. And they just, like, put their heads down and turn around and walk.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Oh, my God.

[Adam Carolla]

And did you do it?

[Jody Miller]

So I did stand up on a.

[Adam Carolla]

Boat and, like, in the harbor kind of thing. Yeah.

[Jody Miller]

And at, like, noon on a Wednesday, for. I don't know who is in the crowd. It wasn't really terrible. It was more of like, they were pitching this thing. I don't know if the, you know, the people that paid for tickets for it, I don't know how they would have known about it or if they were legitimately people who were like, oh, yeah, I'd love to do this.

[Unnamed Speaker]

I think I once.

[Jody Miller]

Because they just made it up the day before.

[Unnamed Speaker]

You know, I once had stand up on the ferry leaving Hobo.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Unnamed Speaker]

Yeah. It was like a corporate. It was terrible. It was like. And I had only been doing standup, like, three years. I'm like, what's happening? Where am I?

[Kira Sultanovich]

Yeah.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Did I make it, or is this the end? Like, you have no idea.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, it's just.

[Unnamed Speaker]

It was out, it was cold, it was windy. And at that time, my humor was like, I hate when I get a sunburn and I'm peeling. Like, that was my.

[Adam Carolla]

What? Yeah, I'd watch it. I'd read a coffee table book or look at a coffee table book. Where there's, like, places. We've done stand up. Yes.

[Kira Sultanovich]

Think about it.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Where's, like, the craziest you've done? I've done strip clubs, too.

[Adam Carolla]

I did last weekend.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Where?

[Adam Carolla]

Backyard of a frat house in Santa Barbara.

[Unnamed Speaker]

That's fine. I've definitely done those. I've done yard. Backyard shows.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, this was bad.

[Unnamed Speaker]

How many people were there?

[Adam Carolla]

There's probably 80, 70, 60 people who were drunk. And then one guy just kept yelling, fuck you, and he was one of the dads. It wasn't A frat kid.

[Unnamed Speaker]

For real?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Unnamed Speaker]

What did you do?

[Jody Miller]

Wow, man.

[Adam Carolla]

I dealt with him as best I could and then at some point my daughter told him to shut the fuck up.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Oh, my God.

[Adam Carolla]

And he kept yelling fuck you as loud as he could.

[Jody Miller]

This was literally last weekend.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Oh, my God, this is last weekend. And then some people got around him and started to try to talk him down a little bit.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Was he just angry and drunk or just.

[Adam Carolla]

I think I learned later after he wrote a heinous vitriolic letter to our website, our assistant or whatever, we kept going. A very long angry letter. I think he was a big Kamala Harris fan. And by the way, that guy just got fucked royally because this was Saturday before the election. So enjoy that. By the way, from this letter. He's very upset over the course of this, but there's a lot of comedy involved, which is he stood there and yelled fuck you as loud as he could for a while. And then he told my daughter that I was an asshole. And then my daughter told him to shut the fuck up. And then there's a 55 year old guy, well dressed, and then at some point, some of his family or something gathered around him and like, kind of you could see him going like, just don't. You don't need to do this, you know, and he's like, fuck that guy. You know, and they're coming in there kind of talking him off the ledge, and then at some point, they just kind of ushered him out. And then he yelled, fuck you, but one last time. Yeah, yeah.

[Jody Miller]

Before the gate closed.

[Unnamed Speaker]

What was in the letter?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I don't know.

[Jody Miller]

Just said, fuck you up.

[Adam Carolla]

Joe probably has it.

[Unnamed Speaker]

You should get the letter somewhere.

[Adam Carolla]

It's probably good, it's comical. But I'll tell you, the real comic. Yeah, the real comedy is my daughter goes like, two weeks early, she goes, you want to do stand up in the backyard at this now, she didn't say in the backyard. She just said at the frat house, you know? And I was like, yeah, anything for you. I'll do a few minutes. And it got on and people got drunk and the day wore on. And at some point it's like, this isn't happening. And good. But the comedy, the real comedy of it is my girlfriend Crystal was like, don't do it. Because she said, you're gonna get in trouble. Something. It's not gonna go right. It's not gonna go right. And I do, you know, Crystal, she's like, don't do anything. Don't drive the car without a. Don't. Whatever. Whatever it is. I go, I'm gonna go race a car. I'm gonna. Don't do it. She just says, don't do it. Everything. And I just go, fuck it. I'm doing it. I don't care. And so the day goes on, and we're there for like two hours, and it appears like, this is never gonna. The guy. Everyone's drunk. The guy forgot. Nobody said anything to me. There's nothing then.

[Jody Miller]

Oh, like, you're not gonna have. They're not gonna want you to actually do the same.

[Adam Carolla]

First off, my daughter is as accurate as, like. Like a weatherman who's never been right in their life. Like, it's like she just the most. She just shouts shit out and it never comes. Nothing ever happens. For all I know, she never even talked to anybody about this or whatever. So I'm there. It's two hours have gone by. Nothing's happening. There's no stage, there's no microphone, there's no nothing. They're just pumping the jam, you know? So I'm like, fuck it. I'll have a few beers and mix in with the family. I don't need to do this. And then at some point, my girlfriend, who's told me 2,200 times, don't do it leading up to this, goes, I'm gonna go get some Starbucks and some whatever. And I'm going, I'm gonna sneak out and fucking do my own thing for a while. So she leaves. And then right when she leaves, the guy walks up. He's like, you wanna do some standing now?

[Unnamed Speaker]

Oh, my God.

[Adam Carolla]

And I'm like, oh, spend time. All right, I'll do it. Yeah.

[Jody Miller]

She would have maybe said no.

[Unnamed Speaker]

She would have been like, do not do this.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I'll now. And so the guy goes and gets a microphone and everything. And then I just go stand on top of this old wooden rickety bar. I start doing stand up. And like 10 minutes in, the guy starts screaming, fuck you. Fuck you, fuck you. And I'm up there and I'm going, thank fucking Christ. Crystal's gone. Yeah, thank God. She'd be going, I told you. I told you. I told you this was going to happen. So I'm just like, okay. So I finished. The guy gets ushered out. It's fucking scene. My daughter's pissed, everything, whatever.

[Jody Miller]

So then I've never done a backyard.

[Adam Carolla]

So then, yeah, they leave, whatever. An hour later, Crystal comes back, and I'm like, I'm not gonna Say shit about it. I'm not saying shit about anything. I'm not even telling her. I did stand up. I'm still.

[Jody Miller]

She never even knows about it right now until now. She.

[Adam Carolla]

Then later on. But my daughter says to Crystal, she goes, yeah, Adam did stand up. And Crystal, like, how was it? My daughter's like, yeah, he was great. Everyone loved it. Everyone loved it. And I'm like, yeah, okay, good, good, good, good, good, good. Yeah, he's funny. But a lot of people come by like, hey, man, good set, you know? Yeah, another sales ride customer. Yeah. And so we, we're leaving and we're driving back to LA and stuff. Like, I'm gonna say a fucking word about the guy. That middle aged guy spun out and yelled fuck you a million times. Had to be let out.

[Unnamed Speaker]

It would have been great if you and Christian were walking out. He was like, fuck you.

[Adam Carolla]

But because it has to go this way. The following day, that email shows up to the assistant account and Crystal's just sitting in bed on her computer going, what is this now? I haven't even. I didn't even read it. It was long and ambling, but I don't know if you guys have it there, but it is pretty. It's pretty animated. Well, they're looking for it, Dawson. I don't know what turning the finger meant. Oh, you're looking for it. Okay, you'll be with us in 12 minutes when your assistant parks and can forward it over from the email. Okay. It's pretty brutal.

[Jody Miller]

12 minutes.

[Unnamed Speaker]

I had only been doing standup a year and I did a bar show that was like, they didn't know there was comedy happening. That's what happens when you do a show at a backyard show or something and people aren't aware that it's happening. And then they're drunk. And I get up there. It was Bar A in Belmar, New Jersey. And this was during my dress phase where I thought I had to wear a dress to do standup. So I'm in a dress. You guys know what I'm talking about. And I get on the stage.

[Jody Miller]

Has that changed?

[Unnamed Speaker]

No. And it's like three in the afternoon and I get on stage and there was a regular there who is mentally incapacitated. He's just like the special needs regular customer there. And everybody was like, oh, this is Hank or whatever his fucking name was. And I'm on stage. I said one joke and I had to do 20 minutes. It was my first joke. And right after that, this guy just sat there the entire Set yelling, you're dying. And no one said anything because this guy had problems. And I couldn't say anything. Cause if I said anything, I'd be the person just, like, slamming a mentally handicapped guy. Like, shut the fuck up. So I'm sitting there sweating in a dress that was polyester. It was terrible. It was the summer, and all you hear is, you're dying. You're dying over and over and over again. I was like, I am. I am dying. I am. Every part of me is dying right now. And then there was, like, a couple that were like this, just looking at me. It was just the worst. I cannot believe I continue to do stand up after this entire debate.

[Adam Carolla]

But you did.

[Unnamed Speaker]

I did.

[Adam Carolla]

You came back.

[Unnamed Speaker]

I got off stage. They didn't ask him to leave. They were like, do you want a free drink? That's the only thing they said to me when I got off stage. I'm like, yes. Obviously. I'm like, obviously I do. It was the one nightmare.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jody Miller]

I had a woman in a wheelchair heckling me at a show.

[Adam Carolla]

Really? Yeah.

[Jody Miller]

A young woman at a college.

[Adam Carolla]

Young woman in a wheelchair rolled up.

[Jody Miller]

Rolled up next to the stage and started yelling, calling shit out.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my God.

[Jody Miller]

I was pretty young. I was like, I just started doing colleges. You know, that's like. You get to that. Okay, I can do colleges. And, like, actually, did she put a little money in the bank?

[Adam Carolla]

Specific gripe, like, my guy just kept yelling, fuck you.

[Unnamed Speaker]

My guy yelled for dying.

[Jody Miller]

She was just, like, picking me apart and telling me I wasn't funny. And who did I think I was? And I was just like, what? I don't have no fucking idea how to handle this. I can't yell at this woman. You know, I think I did in the end. I kind of, like, I went after.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Her a little bit, but, like, thankfully, you were there.

[Jody Miller]

I need this check.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Thankfully, you were there.

[Jody Miller]

I need this check.

[Unnamed Speaker]

You were there during the time where they couldn't record it, Like. And I, too, if I started you. If you would last back at this drunk guy, you'd be everywhere right now.

[Adam Carolla]

Like, Well, I figured there were people.

[Jody Miller]

I was gonna ask that.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Yeah. Was anybody filming that?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, I'm sure there were. His kid, presumably, was somewhere in the crowd.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Why was he there at this frat party? Was it, like, parents weekend?

[Adam Carolla]

It was parents weekend. And he. I do not want to, per se, break things down politically, but I will say that the people that are more on the left who do stand up, the folks that are a little more conservative in the audience do not feel like it's their job to stand up and correct them all the time. The people who are more right leaning who do stand up, the people on the left want to correct them, fix them, and coach them up. They're telling some Hillary Clinton joke or something, and they're getting angry. And it's kind of a weird thing now. A lot of it is they're just narcissists. And this guy who I knew was kind of a hard lefty just because he was what he was doing, although he just kept going, fuck you. Later, when I saw the letter, I think some of that was on display, some of the politics. But there's a thing that's going on where people in general feel empowered to just sort of talk to the person. That's what I said before the show started. During this, there's no more bosses anymore. It's like, I'm on stage, I'm holding a mic. I am the boss for this period of time. No, this is not a dialogue that we're having. And no, you don't get a vote. I'm saying this, and the stuff I say is stuff I think of. And if you disagree with it, that's okay because Marc Maron will come up next and say a bunch of shit you do agree with.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

So that's how it works.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

So I don't know why one side feels much more empowered because I think there's a righteousness and that they feel like they're doing some kind of important work and that me, you know, making fun of. I made I had a Down syndrome joke once, and I just had a woman come up to me, like, after the show and goes, like, no more of that joke. And I was like, yes, I'll be doing that joke.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Is she your manager?

[Adam Carolla]

But no more. And I was like, no, I will continue to do the joke. And she goes, I have a son with down syndrome. And I'm like, I'm sorry to hear that, but I shall be. She thought she was going to walk up to me and go, all right, well, let me get my set list. And you just X out the stuff you. You disagree with or don't like. And it's like they feel just like the flight attendant who doesn't know they're dumb. They just feel like, well, I'm gonna do away with this joke. I'm gonna walk up to the comedian, just tell them to cease doing it. And it's like, no, I'm just gonna yell fuck you real loud in the Back of a frat house. And then this guy's gonna kind of start seeing things my way. He's not allowed to get up there and do that.

[Unnamed Speaker]

That's great. That's the only thing he could say. There was nothing else that came out of his mouth that he could like. You know what I mean? Just like, fuck you is just.

[Adam Carolla]

It was awesome. Well, we'll find the letter. Theoretically. We'll take a break. It should be on the web. I mean, isn't it on the email somewhere?

[Jody Miller]

I think for me, the answer is to the worst.

[Adam Carolla]

Not an email we have access to at the moment. Okay.

[Jody Miller]

That I ever did stand up as a laundromat.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, he did Laundromat.

[Jody Miller]

And it actually turned out later to be like a decent little show that these people did in New York here.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Too, that they kind of makes if there's room.

[Jody Miller]

But. But you know, there's. There's. People are doing laundry. What you're doing.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like, okay, there's certain things that could be so kitschy that could actually be cool.

[Jody Miller]

And that's. And that's what happened with that. It became like a little bit of a show. So people would pop in. Dude, you could, like, be washing your socks and, you know, stand up. Yeah, somebody. Somebody who is now a pretty well known comic, some of them, you know, is just doing stand up while you're doing your laundry.

[Adam Carolla]

Cash cab guy.

[Jody Miller]

Yeah. No, I didn't mean me. I mean, I meant you.

[Adam Carolla]

I meant you. All right, break, and then we'll come back and we'll do some news. Hey, I'm Adam crawl. That's Brad Williams and Jay Leno. Hey, everybody over there. We're doing our third annual comedy fantasy camp. That's going to be January 23rd through the 26th. Right. In Hollywood, California. Where else would it be? These guys are going to be there. So I remember two out of every three. Make it big or one and a half. Do I get paid for this? Please tell me I get paid for this. Go to comedyfantasycamp.com and get in on the fun. Qualia senolytics, the biggest discovery of our time for promoting healthy aging. I feel 15 years younger, and you'll feel 15 years younger in a matter of months. As we age, the body accumulates senescent cells or zombie cells that cause symptoms of aging. Aches, slow workout recovery, Sluggish mental and physical energy. Like pruning dead leaves off a plant, Qualia senolytics removes worn out old senescent cells and Allows the rest to thrive. So that's it. You gotta prune those cells. Take it just two days a month. It's non GMO, it's vegan, it's gluten free. 100 day money back guarantee to feel fantastic. It is the best move I've ever made. Am I right, Dawson?

[Kira Sultanovich]

Resist aging at the cellular level. Try Qualia senolytic. Go to qualialife.com adam for up to 50% off and use code Adam at checkout for an additional 15% off. For your convenience, Qualia Senolytic is also available at select GNC locations near you. That's Q U A L I A L for an extra 15% off your purchase. Thanks to Qualia for sponsoring today's episode.

[Adam Carolla]

Morgan and Morgan. Life can be crazy sometimes. And one person's negligence can result in another settlement. So let's hope that if anything happens to you, you get hold of Morgan and Morgan. If you're ever injured, check out our good friends Morgan and Morgan, America's largest injury law firm. Over 100 offices nationwide and more than 1,000 lawyers. And as long as we're in the Moore department, more than 20 billion with a B dollars recovered for over 500,000 plus clients. Morgan and Morgan has a proven track record of fighting and getting you full and fair compensation. Going on the road, doing stand up every weekend, well, that can be hard. But submitting an injury claim with Morgan and Morgan, that's easy. So go with Morgan and Morgan. Right, Dawson, if you're ever injured, you.

[Kira Sultanovich]

Can check out Morgan and Morgan. Their fee is free unless they win. For more information go to for the people.com Adam or dial pound law pound 529 from your cell phone. That's for the people.com Adam or pound law pound 529 from your cell. This is a paid advertisement.

[Jody Miller]

Right now the American Red Cross is helping and supporting people across the Southeast living with the heartbreaking destruction from hurricanes Milton and Helene. And with their partners, American Red Cross will be helping for weeks and months to come. Families affected by hurricanes Milton and Helene need your support. Your donation can help the Red Cross provide meals, shelter and hope to people when they need it most. Please donate today. Go to redcross.org or call 1-800-red-cross to donate. Every dollar you can spare helps more than you can imagine. Your support is critical. We cannot do it without you. Donate [e-mail] My friend is an idiot, really, isn't he? He's an idiot. He always can't believe stuff that's irrefutable Every New Year's Eve, he says the same thing.

[Adam Carolla]

I can't believe another year went by.

[Jody Miller]

I'm like, what did you think was gonna happen?

[Kira Sultanovich]

Ben Bailey is on the Adam Carolla show.

[Adam Carolla]

And Skinny Jody Miller, who loves that title.

[Unnamed Speaker]

I do love that. I love it when people reach out to me. Thank you for reaching out to me. Adam Carolla fans who compliment on me being skinny.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. On the way to Santa Barbara was upset, though, which is I was talking about. And you're talking about it off the air to me. And then it reminded me, and Dawson will know this. On the way to Santa Barbara, there's a big sort of landmark been there for 80 years, called the Big Yellow House.

[Kira Sultanovich]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Which is now painted white.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Right.

[Kira Sultanovich]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

And I'm angry.

[Kira Sultanovich]

Yeah, I am, too.

[Adam Carolla]

Because you either paint it yellow again.

[Kira Sultanovich]

Guess what it's called still.

[Adam Carolla]

The Big Yellow House.

[Kira Sultanovich]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

Or take the fucking sign down, change the name.

[Jody Miller]

Why would they paint it a different color if it's called the Big Yellow House?

[Unnamed Speaker]

It's a terrible move.

[Adam Carolla]

It's terrible. And there's a. I had an exchange with Joe. Somebody put something on my screen when I was doing. When we were talking about it with Jay Moore, except for they took it off my screen before I got to the bottom of it, which is a discussion we've had a few times. You can just leave it on there. But I got an explanation from Byron on why they call the Big Yellow house why they paint it white. And if my screen was correct, it was. They claim it was a off yellow. It's white.

[Unnamed Speaker]

What the fuck is off yellow?

[Adam Carolla]

White.

[Jody Miller]

There's no such thing as off yellow.

[Unnamed Speaker]

If you actually lighten up. Yellow. It's a yellow light. It's actually white.

[Adam Carolla]

It's super light yellow is white.

[Unnamed Speaker]

It's white.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So the off white is.

[Jody Miller]

The only off color is off white.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. Well, that leads me to another thing.

[Jody Miller]

That angers me, which is probably not really a color. It's beige or.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's a color.

[Jody Miller]

Sand.

[Adam Carolla]

The color that I used to paint when I was a painter all the time was Swiss Coffee and Navajo White. Those were the two popular colors. And it always angered me that Swiss Coffee was whiter than Navajo White. So the one that has the word coffee in it is white. And the word that. The one that has white in it is dark. And it fucked me up, and I hate it. And I'm angry at Dun Edwards in.

[Jody Miller]

My house that would bother me too.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Is painted Swiss Coffee. And when he was telling me the colors he said, swiss coffee is the most popular. Because I originally said, I want my house white with the black trim. And he said, okay, well, Swiss coffee is the one that we use. And I said, is it white? And he said, it's Swiss coffee. And then he had other ones that had white. I was like, but that was the whitest. And I go. And I just kept saying, so Swiss coffee, not the. It was so confusing to me. Why is it Swiss coffee? Why is it named Swiss coffee? Swiss coffee is not white. It's beige. I've been in Switzerland and I've had coffee. It's not.

No one's.

[Jody Miller]

How much milk you put in.

[Unnamed Speaker]

It's too much milk. Then it's not coffee.

[Jody Miller]

Then it's just the big Swiss coffee house.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Yes, it's milk coffee. Then it's milk coffee. I would.

[Adam Carolla]

At least in Navajo white, I bet doesn't exist anymore. Doesn't.

[Unnamed Speaker]

I've never even heard of it.

[Adam Carolla]

It was ubiquitous. And that you painted everything Navajo white When I painted. When I was a painter. Does Don Edwards use the name Navajo white anymore? And Jody, you want to really get angry.

[Unnamed Speaker]

That's beige.

[Adam Carolla]

Eggshell.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Eggshell.

[Adam Carolla]

Eggshell was a texture, and then somebody made it a color. Nobody knows what you're fucking talking about. So it goes flat, eggshell, satin, semi gloss, glossy. Okay, that's it. Then somebody said, eggshell. And so you go, they made it a color. A color. White, called eggshell. Except for people think you're talking about the finish, not the color. Because you would have to go, give me a gallon of Swiss coffee and semi gloss. And give me a gallon of Swiss coffee and flat if I'm going to paint my wall flat and my trim semi gloss. But eggshell fucks everybody up because they think you're talking about something else. Why are we doing this?

[Unnamed Speaker]

Eggshell. Eggshell. Is that what you're saying? Eggshell. Eggshell.

[Adam Carolla]

You could get. Yeah.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Would people know what I was talking about if I said, I want eggshell? Eggshell.

[Adam Carolla]

Or you could go to Little Caesars and get pizza.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Pizza, which is a totally different color. Different color on the walls. That's not white. It's like an or that Navajo white is racist.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like saying white.

[Unnamed Speaker]

It's like, I don't. I don't. That's not white.

[Adam Carolla]

They still have Navajo white. All right, look, here's what I want. Everyone who got the Cleveland Indians taken down.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

And everybody who got the Washington Redskins taken down. And everybody who's got every high school to get rid of. Braves or warriors or something in place with commanders or douche nozzles or whatever you replace with. You motherfuckers need to get going on Dunn Edwards and Navajo white. Navajo white is possibly more offensive.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Totally.

[Adam Carolla]

It just means dark white, darker white.

[Unnamed Speaker]

It's like white, but a little dirty. That's what they're saying.

[Jody Miller]

Dark white.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. If we got dark white. Eggshell. Yeah, that's what it is.

[Unnamed Speaker]

I'll take the dark white.

[Adam Carolla]

Eggshell. Take the dark white and eggshell. If we got Bernadette Peters to fuck that Indian on the side of the freeway, that kid would be colored Navajo white. That's what we would call the shade of the kid. The crying in.

[Jody Miller]

Crying over the garbage in.

[Adam Carolla]

Had sex with Bernadette Peters. I'm going back to 77, 78. And they had then their baby. The color of that baby will be Navajo white. And that's why it's offensive. And that's why the baby.

[Jody Miller]

That color.

[Adam Carolla]

It would be everybody. Everybody. We could dip them in Navajo. Just everybody who is angry at the commanders or the redskins or the raves or the Indians. You guys need to fucking get on it.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Listen, when my daughter applies to college, I'm using that as her ethnicity. She's Navajo.

[Adam Carolla]

Navajo white. Get the fuck on it. I can't believe it's 2024 and Dunn Edwards is not.

[Unnamed Speaker]

I can't either.

[Adam Carolla]

Pull that one out.

[Unnamed Speaker]

That's terrible.

[Kira Sultanovich]

I can't believe.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Kira Sultanovich]

The city of Summerland, California hasn't put up an ordinance that says whoever owns the big yellow house must paint it yellow.

[Unnamed Speaker]

That's crazy. Or change the name.

[Jody Miller]

Yeah, it is blue.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Unnamed Speaker]

I want to see a picture of the. Do you have a picture of it now? What it looks like now? Let's just see this off yellow. Hold on.

[Adam Carolla]

Jody's a colorist.

[Unnamed Speaker]

I am a. That's white. It's white and it's a big white house.

[Jody Miller]

And it's not like there's some yellow in the tree.

[Unnamed Speaker]

There's not even yellow trip. Oh, yeah, exactly. It's like white.

[Jody Miller]

The line on the concrete there is yellow.

[Adam Carolla]

Can I say, what is this? A bed and breakfast with like a diner in it or something?

[Kira Sultanovich]

No, it's a. It's a restaurant. I've eaten there a whole bunch of times. One time I showed up with my friends, ordered my eggs Benedict and then remembered I had an air shift. And so I ran to my truck, drove to the radio station, voice, tracked a four hour air shift in about 15 minutes, raced back to the big yellow house and I was arriving at my table just as the waitress was setting down my egg.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Holy. That's amazing. Right?

[Jody Miller]

Trying to get people to start talking about it.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Maybe that is the Big Yellow house.

[Jody Miller]

Paint it white, people start talking about it.

[Adam Carolla]

That's awesome. I know you're a little dismissive of what is an Airbnb the thing, but you don't see many restaurants with a second story and balconies or bedrooms and stuff, Right? It's something.

[Jody Miller]

No.

[Kira Sultanovich]

Correct. Yeah. No, it's an old house, and there are several rooms that are separate dining rooms.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, nobody.

[Kira Sultanovich]

Yeah, it's a house.

[Adam Carolla]

Nobody goes up there. And no one lives there, though. You don't.

[Kira Sultanovich]

I'm sure they have. No. No one lives there. They have office.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Kira Sultanovich]

It's a restaurant.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. It's called the Big Yellow House. What the.

[Unnamed Speaker]

What the f. That's yellow. No, that's yellow. I feel like, by the way, on the east coast, there's a lot of house restaurants that are like that. That's what they used to do. But they're the colors that they say they are. Like, the Red Barn in Myrtle beach is red.

[Jody Miller]

Martin called the Sea Captain's House, which is pretty good spot.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, all right, let's figure this out. The owner said the new color was, in fact, very pale yellow.

[Unnamed Speaker]

It does not.

[Adam Carolla]

It is not. And he's legally. Okay. The point is this. You have a sign called the Big Yellow House, and it's popular enough that I'm aware of it. Dawson is aware of it. Everyone who travels up and down the 101, it gets millions of eyeballs a year. It's called the Big Yellow House. Right? Now, maybe they're hiding behind some light yellow bullshit.

[Kira Sultanovich]

But.

[Adam Carolla]

But. And by the way, this is. I always want to write a book called what Black People Think White People Talk About All Day. And this would be that. No black couple, no podcast. They've never addressed this. Never address this situation. This is a major problem we have. I've painted many houses. A house that size, double story, 8,000 square feet. It is not done in an afternoon. It takes many, many days. And what happens when you paint a house is oftentimes they paint one wall or one corner, whatever, and then you walk around the corner as the owner, you come home and you go, oh, I thought it was. I thought we're doing yellow that looks white. Let me and you get out of your car and you take your sunglass off and you go, no, that's. No. They said, like, no, that's not. We got it. Jose, Stop the roller. Stop the roller. Stop the presses.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Just a roller.

[Adam Carolla]

Stop the rollers. Halt the roller.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Took one guy with the roller.

[Adam Carolla]

The rollers. Halt the rollers. I'm going down to the Home Depot and come home with some swat. Back with some swat. I don't want to get. Don't keep going.

[Unnamed Speaker]

This is not Canary.

[Adam Carolla]

Could have done that.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Didn't do it.

[Unnamed Speaker]

No, he didn't do it. Also, by the way, that person picked out that color. You have a lot of swat. You don't just like willy nilly paint that house. You sit with a team of people and you're like, which color should we go with?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Unnamed Speaker]

That shouldn't even be a decision because it's called the big yellow house. I think it's right there. I mean, all right, sorry.

[Jody Miller]

Funny little idea there. Like, the painters rolled up. Rolled up, and they looked at the sign and they were like, what color do you want to go with?

[Adam Carolla]

You want the Swiss coffee? Are you fucking kidding me? Navajo white. Still available. Still available.

[Unnamed Speaker]

All right, let's talk about the world's 10 richest people. Got a record 64 billion richer. 64 with a B billion richer from Trump's reelection, guys.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Unnamed Speaker]

Yep. Okay, so here we go. The wealth instantly, pretty instantly, the wealth of the world's 10 richest people also soared by a record amount according to the Bloomberg Billionaire Index. Did you know that there was a Bloomberg Billionaire Index?

[Adam Carolla]

I didn't know.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Okay, now you do. So the biggest gainer.

[Adam Carolla]

Take a guess, Elon.

[Unnamed Speaker]

There you go. Bam. He is the world's richest person and one of Trump's most outspoken, dedicated supporters. His wealth jumped from a 26.5 billion to now he's worth 290 billion.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait, but how does it jump when he hasn't enacted anything?

[Unnamed Speaker]

Let me see. One of the. So the other gainers, just so you know, Jeff Bezos, other gainers, Bill Gates, all the people that you would expect. Larry Page.

[Adam Carolla]

Is it tax related? Is it because they're not going to sunset the tax breaks?

[Unnamed Speaker]

Let's see. It says the biggest daily increase of wealth since the index began in 2012. The market rallied on Wednesday as an election that collectively.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, the market. Yes, market.

[Unnamed Speaker]

It's the market.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. All right, so the market rally.

[Jody Miller]

How much did Musk go from? What did he start at?

[Unnamed Speaker]

Oh, 26.5 billion to 290. And by the way, it's like, at that point, who cares after 1 billion?

[Jody Miller]

That can't be right.

[Adam Carolla]

Wait a minute. He didn't go from 26 to 290. When Trump got elected.

[Unnamed Speaker]

26.5 billion to 290 billion.

[Adam Carolla]

But didn't you say there were 60 billion in gain?

[Unnamed Speaker]

Says 64 billion. So he jumped up 33 billion is what I'm. He alone jumped up 33 billion.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, maybe I didn't hear it.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Yeah, 26.5 billion to 290 billion. So 30. No, that's 35.

[Jody Miller]

That can't be right. That's saying he went up by 230 million or something.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Oh, yeah, that's right, 200. Well, that's what it's saying. So this might be a type. This might be a typo. So maybe. So maybe it's 29.

[Jody Miller]

Missing a decimal point.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Missing decimals. Okay. So anyway, it's a lot anyway, Jeff Bezos.

[Jody Miller]

A lot of fucking money.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Yes. And by the way, again, after you hit a billion, like all of this, so 26 to 29 billion, I think.

[Adam Carolla]

After that, I think that's $3 billion. You, you know, you and I and many of the people we grew up with think in money, in terms of money. Like, man, you know, how many jet skis you could buy with a billion dollars? I was like, I could have like thousand jet skis. You know. But they don't look at it that way. I think they look at it as a. It's a dick swinging competition. You know, they, they want to. Obviously, once you get past the amount of money you could ever spend in 10 lifetimes, then it just becomes all. It just is like dick swinging competitions, number one, huge dick. But number two, I think they start thinking in terms of changing, shaping and molding society. And that used to mean building an orphanage and putting your name on it or library or putting a gym at a campus or something. Now it's like going to another planet and colonizing it.

[Unnamed Speaker]

So just so you know, Trump's social media company. Trump's social media company also cashed into the shares. It's skyrocketing in value. After CNN and other media outlets projected Trump won. The stock rose as much as 35% at one point before fading. That's a lot.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jody Miller]

It's funny, it might only be 3.5%.

[Adam Carolla]

Because I know you can find probably 35, but maybe you can find a clip of Mark Cuban. Maybe Dawson, Dawson's got something there. But remember before the last Trump election, Mark Cuban was explaining that the stock market was gonna crash if Trump got elected.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Did he?

[Jody Miller]

No, I don't remember that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, he did. Which is to say, I like Mark Cuban, but I don't get like, Mike August is wrong all the time. And I had a conversation with him, I said it on the air. It was like five months ago. It was a perfect Mike August conversation. He goes, republicans and Trump, they're not gonna get past this whole abortion thing. It's gonna kill him. It's gonna kill him. They're not gonna get past it. I go, well, he's ahead in the polls now. This was five months ago, or whatever. And he goes, they're never gonna get elected because of the abortion thing. And I go, well, yeah, I agree that they don't like it, but he is leading in the polls now. And he goes, what polls? I go, I don't know, the polls. Whatever polls they have. I haven't seen them. Okay, okay, there's polls. They have them. They're not always spot on, but he is leading in the polls. Well, he's not getting elected because of the abortion thing. And I go, maybe he won't, but right now he is ahead. And then Mike questioned the polls and wanted to know what polls and then did the thing. I do like this thing too, where they go, I can make up whatever polls I want too. And it's like, okay, not really doing that. I know you could take a napkin and write a dollar on it, but no one's going to accept it. So there are polls. But then when Trump does win, Mike never comes to me and goes, wow, I was way off about all that shit. They just shut up, they never say a word, and then they move on to the next thing that they're wrong about. The Mark Cuban is a smart guy. It's really long, but go ahead.

[Kira Sultanovich]

Hello?

[Adam Carolla]

All right, fuck you. I gather.

[Kira Sultanovich]

I gather that this is a curated email address that is monitored regarding anything having to do with Adam. I realize that Adam may never see this email, but if you were to let Adam know that I took the time to write this email to him, he would remember that I was the second father that he upset this afternoon in Santa Barbara.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, he was the first. He was a mute dad. Who? I have no idea. But he was. This guy was the guy who yelled, fuck you.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Who's the first father that you upset?

[Adam Carolla]

Baby, I can't keep track. You think Wilt Chamberlain knew the name of every bitch he plowed?

[Unnamed Speaker]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, he did.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Oh, yeah, there were polls.

[Adam Carolla]

It's really long. So I will let you find some of the super insulting highlight if it's in there.

[Kira Sultanovich]

Well, just reading through it is really going to help us. I mean, if you want to Give me time. Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll give you a second. I'll give you a second to highlight some of the lowlights in there, because I didn't read through it, but I heard some of the highlights, and it's pretty beefy.

[Unnamed Speaker]

I definitely need to hear it.

[Kira Sultanovich]

It's pretty strong all the way through.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay. All right.

[Kira Sultanovich]

Yeah, let's just go. For some reason, Adam decided to do a pseudo comedy routine that had come up with a few things that he thought were funny. The first thing that went over like a lead balloon was his inappropriate jokes about down syndrome as it related to Barbie. Now, in fairness to Adam, there's no way he could have known that the Irish dad that called him out had three autistic nieces. But his jokes were absolutely tasteless, and I think Adam needs to rethink that. After that happened, Adam decided to tell a bunch of Joe Biden jokes. And that is where I drew the line. I shouted to Adam that he had reached his expiration date and he should not keep going. Adam looked straight at me and said, I have offended another father. Now, I don't know Adam's political affiliation, but what I really know is that this election is going to define how Adam's daughter, who turned to me and said, shut the fuck up, bitch, is going to be able to live her life in this country. Now, my daughter, after a wonderful day of going to the frat houses and dancing and having a wonderful time in this utopian environment, which is Goleta on the water, became incredibly upset and angry. One of her roommates was ready to attack Adam's daughter for being angry at me. I spent the last hour and a half explaining to those girls that it's natural that Adam's daughter would say the things she said to me because she is protecting her father. Although my girls felt it was completely inappropriate, I tried to communicate with them that if the shoe were on the other foot and I was in Adam's place saying the stupid shit that he was saying that had no business being said saying stupid shit like that.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so this guy's very clear. First off, this guy, he may have been upset. After this, he's in the fucking fetal position after the election. Number one, so he should kiss my hairy balls. And number two, my daughter was standing front and center, almost five feet. You know, a couple people were in front of her. Whatever. She was front row standing, and she was watching me. This guy was 10ft behind her yelling, fuck you. She did not turn around and walk to him. Your back was turned to him. And she's facing me. So she didn't initiate going to the sky, but if she did initiate it, it was only between the 11th and 14th time he yelled fuck you to me that she may have turned and told him to shut the fuck up. Which I think not only would any daughter do, but I would argue any American at a certain point when a guy's yelling fuck you in the middle of a standup routine, that somebody at a table next to him would tell that person to stop yelling fuck you.

[Unnamed Speaker]

I love that he. He couldn't take it anymore when you brought up Biden. But all the down syndrome autistic jokes are fine, but Biden, that's a place.

[Jody Miller]

To draw a line.

[Unnamed Speaker]

He drew that line.

[Jody Miller]

Yeah.

[Kira Sultanovich]

His real issue and the proof to Adam's point, that he's very upset right now. He's right here, he says, but this election is the most important election not only in Adam's life, but in the life of his daughter and any other children that he has. If Adam is a Trump supporter, then eventually he will get what he deserves as well.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, wait a minute. I'm not going in the Gulag because Trump won, right? Yeah.

[Kira Sultanovich]

His daughter and any other children that he has will also rue the day. However. However he chose to cross a line at a place in a time and at a place and in a time.

[Adam Carolla]

This guy's 57.

[Kira Sultanovich]

Where everyone just wanted to have a good time.

[Adam Carolla]

He's white. Navajo white. He's a white middle aged dude whose daughter goes to a college and he's got a beard and he's wearing a.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Sweater and stuff, partying with his daughter. He's like, you ruined this perfect day of me partying with my daugh at frat parties. Like, what's happening?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm telling you, there's a certain element of this culture that feels deputized to settle everyone's hash. And what I want to always say to these people, it's look, you don't like this person or you like that person, but keep in mind that the people who are on the other side dislike your person just as much as you dislike the other person. And as a matter of fact, that is now the majority of our culture. So this thing of like, you going like, what are you doing? Like, I like Goobers because I like chocolate covered peanuts. Well, we like Raisinets, so what the fuck? And it's like, I don't know. No, I'm letting you eat Raisinets. I would like to eat Goobers and not be judged well, knock it off. We're Raisinet folks. And it's like, people think differently than you. Is that okay? But I don't think it's okay.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Not for this guy. Not for this guy who's having a great time getting wasted doing keg stands with his daughter at a frat party.

[Adam Carolla]

There were a fair amount of parents did kegs stands?

[Unnamed Speaker]

I don't doubt it.

[Adam Carolla]

A fair amount. And when I say fair amount, I mean like 14.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Are you serious?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm talking 14. These were 50 years plus dads and moms doing keg stands.

[Kira Sultanovich]

One of my best friends from high school and my former roommate on DP was there this weekend as well. And he sent. He sent a picture of. He, you know, he's the cool dad. And it's not good to have. I don't know. But yeah, they were. They were drinking this weekend. That's what happens when the second generation. There's a lot more second generation Isla Vista rats these days. Can I wrap this up really quick?

[Unnamed Speaker]

I want to know how it ended.

[Kira Sultanovich]

So we all left the party at the frat house. My daughter was in tears.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. But before we got this letter, Crystal's like, how'd the standup go? I'm like, went great. It's good. Nothing. Nobody pissed. No, no, no. Adoring crown. Everyone loved it. I wanted a great time. Then the next morning, she opens up. What's this? There's always gonna be a couple of fucking bad apples in there. It's always a couple. I'm not everyone's cup of tea, babe. Jesus Christ. What happened? I told you, don't do stand up. I was like, I. God damn it. Fuck. I got by. I made it. I made it. I was free and clear. Free and clear.

[Kira Sultanovich]

My daughter was in tears and tears.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Tears.

[Kira Sultanovich]

Her best friend was ready to kill Adam's daughter and would have literally beat the shit out of her in front of him had we not stopped her. So I wanted to point out to.

[Adam Carolla]

Adam the Biden jokes. Got it.

[Kira Sultanovich]

That it was a terrible performance. Way beneath him. He basically cleared out the entire party because of his ill mannered and ill timed jokes. Fame and fortune does not give you the right to be a complete asshole any. He goes. He still got. Still goes on.

[Adam Carolla]

I admire his spunk, you know, Rhymes with a young me.

[Unnamed Speaker]

I like that he's saying that it was beneath you. As if he's actually giving you some praise, like some credit, like you're good guy. Like that was beneath you. Like he said that. So it's There is some part of him that likes you.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I'll, I'll find that little ray of sunshine.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Almost like a love letter, actually.

[Adam Carolla]

I like that the daughter was in tears.

[Unnamed Speaker]

I like that the other one wanted to beat the out of your daughter and they had to stop this girl fight from happening.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I think my daughter can scrap, by the way. I don't, I didn't see any ladies in there that could take her down, but. All right, all right.

[Kira Sultanovich]

This afternoon, Adam was pretty self. Was a pretty self righteous asshole. Although to cut him some slack, he had probably been drinking, so he really doesn't realize how big of an asshole many of us thought he was. I'm pretty sure he's never going to see this, and if he does, he should answer me personally. It is. He is too talented, has too much of a presence to be sitting on the fence. He does like saying stupid shit in front of a bunch of drunk parents and children trying to have a good weekend in the face of the most important election of all.

[Adam Carolla]

He's got Trump derangements in her. Oh, he's going out of his mind right now. He's going out of his fucking mind.

[Unnamed Speaker]

He likes you. That's the thing.

[Adam Carolla]

I agree.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Look, you let him down.

[Adam Carolla]

This is like the boy who in the sixth grade becomes come pull little Jody Miller's ponytail. You got cuties. He likes you.

[Unnamed Speaker]

I know this guy likes you.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, we got the Mark Cuban clip. What is that? What year is this from?

[Unnamed Speaker]

What's he wearing? Why is he wearing an Iron man shirt? What's happening?

[Adam Carolla]

This is pre 2000, whatever the year is.

[Kira Sultanovich]

2016.

[Adam Carolla]

2016. Here we go. Where does it go if rates go higher or lower? And then there's the uncertainty of the election. I mean, I have my Trump hedge on. In the event Donald wins, I have no doubt. My mind, the market tanks. And so I literally have put on more than 100% hedge. Really? That I'll get. I'll put on stronger if it looks like there's a better chance. What does that mean? Donald Trump wins in November. What is Mark Cuban doing? Mark Cuban. If the polls look like there's a decent chance that Donald could win, I'll put a huge hedge on. That's over 100% of my equity positions and my bond position as well. That protects me just in case he wins.

[Jody Miller]

What's so horrible about that prospect?

[Adam Carolla]

I just think all the uncertainty, I mean, we don't know what Donald Trump's going to do. Genius. Mark Cuban said he was going to tank the last time, he won. And then he won, and then it didn't tank. Which doesn't mean Mark Cuban's not wrong. It means he's wrong about everything. But some people miss Mike August, Mark Cuban, all the greats.

[Unnamed Speaker]

But not this guy who wrote the letter.

[Adam Carolla]

No, that guy's dead nuts on.

[Unnamed Speaker]

He's so on. And you're better than that. That was beneath you.

[Adam Carolla]

He's dead nuts on.

[Unnamed Speaker]

You've probably been drinking.

[Adam Carolla]

I realized. Well, there was a cake stand or two. I realized that most attempts to make me feel bad amuse me, which maybe means I'm a sociopath. I don't know. But most all attempts, when people try to make me feel bad, I actually. I feel amused mostly. But it's always because they screw up and they go, you know nothing. You've never done anything, and you got zero going for you. And I'm like, well, we're inside my warehouse. So I thought, gotta do something. Right? We're not. You're not yelling at me inside your warehouse. Right. So they've done something. That's fair, right?

[Unnamed Speaker]

Fair.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, Dawson, I think you got it. Unless there's some more.

[Kira Sultanovich]

Well, I mean, just to tag on to that, this guy was definitely a Biden supporter. The very next sentence he says is, this shit isn't hyperbole, you know?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. He's got much bigger fish to fry right now, emotionally, than me and my comedy stylings. Jody, I know you got a hard out. Yeah, yeah, you're going.

[Unnamed Speaker]

But let me just do this story because I want to know you guys. I want to know your opinion on this. All right? So. All right, new LA da, Daniel to. I'm sorry, Nathan Hochman. So he comes in and he. His first order of business is tackling the Eric and Lyle Menendez. Have you heard about this?

[Jody Miller]

No, I have not.

[Unnamed Speaker]

So our previous da, George Gaston. Gaston. Is that how you pronounce it?

[Adam Carolla]

Sentence, I guess. Yeah. I talked to Mark Garagos about this because he's representing them.

[Jody Miller]

And that previous DA is the one who stops prosecuting graffiti, by the way.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jody Miller]

There's hopes that the new one will bring that back.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Okay, there you go. Well, anyway, he was going. He was suggesting that the Menendez brothers get a resentencing case right away. December 2nd, hit the ground running and pulling, Getting everything. Getting them out, basically trying to resentence them to 50 years to life. And then they would get out as time served because they've been there 35 years. Years.

[Jody Miller]

How long have they been there?

[Unnamed Speaker]

35 years.

[Jody Miller]

Oh, my God, that was quick.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jody Miller]

From us, not for them, I'm sure.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah. Mark said that was a 35.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Can you believe it was 35 years?

[Jody Miller]

No.

[Unnamed Speaker]

So, I mean, so now Hodgman says he's got to review the case, obviously, and the law before coming to a decision. It's. It's obviously the re. Sentencing hearing is December 11th, so he's, you know, got a little bit of time, but he wants to obviously make sure he does his due diligence before he suggests anything. What do you guys think? Do you guys think that they deserve to get out?

[Jody Miller]

I don't know enough about it to say. I know there's a movie, a new.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Movie that people are saying, well, the series, the Ryan.

[Jody Miller]

Oh, right. Series.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Yeah. I'm sorry.

[Jody Miller]

But that's like, basically paints the picture that the parents were absolutely horrible.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jody Miller]

So.

[Unnamed Speaker]

And then there's new evidence that came out that they weren't allowed to use them in. Like the kid from Menudo.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Also claimed that he was raped by Jose Menendez.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So I talked to Gargos about it over the weekend for some time because of trying to get a ride with him on his private jet to New York.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Yeah, there you go.

[Adam Carolla]

He said, fine. It's beneath you.

[Unnamed Speaker]

That is beneath you.

[Adam Carolla]

And he told me that he had a sentencing hearing on the 11th, and then after the 11th, and we could. We'll go to New York or he was gonna go to New York. So I said, I'll go with you. So he also tells me every single time I talk about that, that I'm the reason he took this case. And he tells it when he gets interviewed that I'm the reason he took this case because of a joke I had about the Menendez brothers. He also told me not to say anything, but you can just tell us, too. There's a they, they are going to be compensated for their story when they get out.

[Unnamed Speaker]

The Menendez brothers.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. They. Yes. When people go, like, what are they going to do, work at an In N Out Burger or something? No, no, no. They're the. Sit down.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

They shall be compensated for that. Sit down.

[Unnamed Speaker]

I'm not worried about that. I'm just. I don't even know if they're going to get out.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, I think they are. They're going to get out. They're going to get compensated. At some point, Mark will get them in here. I am sure of it. Now, again, it can't be the first one. That one you get compensated for. But later on they'll end up making the rounds.

[Jody Miller]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

And, yeah, I've always said they should get out because they don't pose a threat to anybody.

[Unnamed Speaker]

That's what I was gonna say. I don't think they're gonna kill another set of parents.

[Adam Carolla]

No. No. So, yes, they'll get out. And I've always wanted them out. They seem very rehabilitated and everything. And so I'm.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Kira Sultanovich, you probably know, very funny comedian. She's coming up and we'll do a little Kira. She'll be next right after this. Hey, it's Adam Carolla from the Adam Carolla Show. Bet Online is the world's most trusted betting platform and your number one source for everything sports betting. Bet Online has every stat, every match, and even live odds and spreads to bet on during the games for pro and college games. With the largest catalog of odds on everything from football, mlb, playoff, NHL, NBA, and even political prop bets, Betonline has it all. And as if that's not enough, Betonline also has the best odds and info on mma. Professional boxing, too. When the game's over, head on over to BetOnline's online casino and get in on a game of blackjack or poker or unwind with one of their 150 plus slot games. Head to the website today to get in on the action with America's most trusted site for online wagering. Bet online. Bet online. The game starts here.

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Unnamed Speaker]

What'S the first thing you think of when you think of Russians? Just yell it out. What's the first thing?

[Adam Carolla]

Vodka.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Vodka. That's right. Vodka. And you know what? That, that is a stereotype for a reason. Because they're lunatics. They're obsessed with vodka. Obsessed, right. But I'm not much of a drinker, so I'm an embarrassment to my family. And we were at a party once, right? And they start lining up. They start lining up the shot glasses. It's that time of night, right? Lining them up, right? Vodka, vodka, vodka, vodka, vodka, vodka, vodka. They get to mine and I very politely, I said, oh, no, thank you. My mom freaks out. What's wrong with you? You're embarrassing me at party. I'm eight.

[Kira Sultanovich]

Kira Sultanovic is on on the Adam Carolla show.

[Adam Carolla]

Kara's back. Good to see you, my dear.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Good to see you.

[Adam Carolla]

She's got a date coming up and I have a date coming up and it may turn into a date. That is Big Bear Comedy Festival takes.

[Unnamed Speaker]

A ring off real quick.

[Adam Carolla]

That'll be Friday, November 15th. I'm gonna be there as well.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Are you doing the Saturday show as well?

[Adam Carolla]

I am going up on the 16th. I think I'm just doing one night there. You're doing the 15th?

[Unnamed Speaker]

15Th and 16th.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, okay. You'll be there.

[Unnamed Speaker]

But you know what? I'm gonna cancel on the 15th. What's the point?

[Adam Carolla]

What's if I'm not gonna be there?

[Unnamed Speaker]

I mean, the point is me going up there to see you.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I told my agent.

[Unnamed Speaker]

I saw you at the Kookaburra and I had not seen you in a very long time.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, the Kookaburra Lounge out in.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Hollywood here weeks ago. My God, so funny. Oh, I had not. I have not seen you perform in probably pre Covid.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. Well, that's nice. I'm glad. So funny you said that.

[Unnamed Speaker]

I appreciate that. So now I'm canceling the 15th, so just see me up in Big bear on the 16th.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I think Leno, who used to work with and for back in the day, was at the Kookaburra that night as well, was he not?

[Unnamed Speaker]

Was he there that night? Yeah. I might have missed him, though, because I had another set, but.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you took off before Leno got there.

[Unnamed Speaker]

I might have, yeah. But I saw you. But I've worked with Jay. We worked during COVID together. He had a game show, and I wrote some jokes on it. I was the announcer during the height of the pandemic. I couldn't believe we were shooting. Everyone's like, yeah, it's fine. We just do a stool sample, and they check for your nose, and they do this and pee in a cup, and we lick the back of your neck, and then you're fine. You go on set.

[Adam Carolla]

I know. And everyone's gotta wear a mask on set unless they're snacks. Okay, that's all right.

[Unnamed Speaker]

It's very safe.

[Adam Carolla]

What we're gonna do is we're gonna insist everyone wear a mask, and then we're gonna put card tables filled with snacks for these people to eat while we insist they wear a mask. Except for those people are gonna get handfuls of trail mix, and then they're gonna pull the mask around their chin, and then they're gonna eat the trail mix. You fucking scientists.

[Unnamed Speaker]

We weren't allowed to open doors. The PAs had to open, like, the stage door, you know, so, like, you're out in your trailer outside, and then the pa. Because they have gloves.

[Adam Carolla]

We still do that around here. Adam has me open all the doors.

[Unnamed Speaker]

That makes sense.

[Adam Carolla]

There are. Well, so it's kind of interesting, and I don't know if we can ever figure this out, but how much of this is based on something that would be effective? And then how much of it is just based on sort of an illusion of safety that satisfies mostly women, but a lot more guys than I would have been happy with several years ago. Like, there's so much of it is ritual, you know, so much of the. So many of the, you know, seven eighths of the products they're advertising for women about cleaning and cleaning the house and scrubbing your hands and fruit wash and veggie wash. You know, the bathroom. I'm always shamed by the bathroom door and the public bathrooms, because now they got that foot pole they Got that piece of metal at the bottom. It was supposed to take my foot. I don't have enough quad to get that door open. I can't defeat the pneumatic closer. Like it's got a pneumatic closer. I don't got a lot of quad. I put my foot on the thing and I try to pull the door toward me. It doesn't. Even more people have stubbed their toe on that thing and gotten tetanus than have actually opened the door. And by the way, because I can't touch the handle middle. Because this thing's not spread through touch.

[Unnamed Speaker]

I had a woman at the Whole Foods bathroom just last week karate chop the door with her foot.

[Jody Miller]

Oh.

[Unnamed Speaker]

So she wouldn't have to use the handle.

[Adam Carolla]

I love it.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Me and my kids.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, hold on. That's this. Now you're getting into mayhem. Throw. That was a front ball kick. Yeah.

[Kira Sultanovich]

Or I do.

[Unnamed Speaker]

It was a heel contact.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, nice.

[Unnamed Speaker]

To the handle that snaps.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh. She had to axe.

[Unnamed Speaker]

She had to kick.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh. Because it wasn't just a push plate. It was an actual working doorknob.

[Unnamed Speaker]

It was one of those automatic ones. And it kicked back up and she tried it a couple times and then she used her toe to pull it out. And I was with my 9 year old and my daughter looked at her and I go, she has a history with that door.

[Kira Sultanovich]

Oh, yeah.

[Unnamed Speaker]

And we just kept walking and she. She laughed a little bit. And then she realized, oh, she's making fun of my.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's probably not even that door. She's probably abused by other doors many times. And then that triggered her when she was at the Whole Foods. Bts. Door.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Door.

[Adam Carolla]

Door.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So it's the kind of door that we turn the handle, but then you have to turn it.

[Unnamed Speaker]

It's not a round handle.

[Adam Carolla]

No, it's a lever.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

And I did the math on that one.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Sure. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Cause doing it with a round handle. Jackie Chan couldn't do it with a fucking round handle. I'm shocked.

[Unnamed Speaker]

This woman was talented, but she was.

[Adam Carolla]

Going to turn it and push it or turn it and pull it.

[Unnamed Speaker]

She turned it and it kind of popped alive. And then used her toes to open the door. What happened to this woman? I don't understand. Like, I'm not a germaphobe, and I understand people that have the fear. I hate them all, but I don't understand, like, when does it end? Her whole life never ends.

[Adam Carolla]

They're going to be fucking fabrizing her cough.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Listen, I have an issue with Febreze.

[Adam Carolla]

She'S gonna put that right in the will. I need my coffin Febrezed.

[Unnamed Speaker]

People are gonna have to close her coffin with their feet. That's what's scary.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, here's what I hate about these people. Cause I see people opening the door in the bathroom at the airport or wherever just to push, just to plate one, just. I call them Jackie Chan of the Jackie. Sorry. Chan of the can, where they use their foot. And it's like, hey, douchebag, you just took your pee riddled foot, your fecal and piss riddled foot and brought it up to the door where the normal people use their hand. And now I have the bathroom floor at LAX on the door. Yes, you placed it there, you fucking idiot.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Now your kids are older. Now you have adults. Yes, Right. But when they were younger, did you have like. What did you do in public restrooms? Because you have a daughter. My husband once FaceTimed me with our daughter was probably 6 at the time. And I just heard him, I answered and I'm like, hello, I'm on the road somewhere. And he just kept saying, don't look at the penises. Just avert your eyes. Because he had to take her into a men's restroom. And she just kept commenting on, I guess, all the dongs that she was seeing.

[Adam Carolla]

A lot of dongs. Dong central.

[Unnamed Speaker]

And he's like, don't touch anything. And I'm like, hello, Mike, are you there? And he's like, I need help. What do you do? What do I do? I go, you just be a human. It's okay. She's just a person. And he was flipping out about all the penises and the piss and the.

[Adam Carolla]

I learned from having boy, girl twins. And I never really studying women and their anatomy too closely and being I like to be down the hall when they're in the bathroom. That's not my thing hanging out. What I learned from having a daughter, especially when she was like four and we'd be going on a hike and she'd be like, I have to go to the bathroom. And I was trying to figure out a way for her not to get it all over Ferocity. Man, that pee came out hard, man. I mean, that's a powerful muscle down there, man. I understand the ladies who shoot the ping pong ball across the bar now, like this. Not, you know, not that I was thinking that for her, you know, per se, I mean, it's an option, but it's not. She gets drafted. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not taking it off table. I'm not. Not forcing her. She'll do what she's gonna do. But I was like, wow, that's a lot of power. But I have a thought. You travel a lot. Yeah, I've been in 1 million airports all across the country. In the men's room, because your husband reminded me of this. They got that stupid koala table that was put in there. Oh, yeah. I've never seen anyone use. I've never seen a dude change. He did cocaine off that thing all the time. That's my joke. Oh, my bad. I was about. No, no. I was about to say. But I mean it. You know, the best jokes are true. I said, I've never. More dudes have done coke off of that than changed their toddler's diaper.

[Jody Miller]

That.

[Adam Carolla]

I said it to Joe six months ago, for sure. More dudes have done blow than have. Actually, I've never seen them changing a kid on that. And that's true. You did blow off of that. Allegedly. The investigation is still ongoing. Here's my next theory. Those weird, lactating mother. Breastfeeding, milking those pods. Pods. Oh, wow. Yeah. I think more guys have beat all for sure in there than we. I've never seen a woman walk out with a newbie, like, in a fresh spot on her blouse or anything. I've never seen a woman walk in or out of one of those pods. I've never seen them.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Not once. And I've been in a million airports.

[Adam Carolla]

And you can go in there and lock that thing.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Yeah, for sure.

[Adam Carolla]

They got great wifi in there. More dudes rubbing it out. Yeah, more dudes rubbing one out in a pod and more guys doing blow off the koala table.

[Unnamed Speaker]

I mean, I think that those. Maybe they were created as this. Like, hey, here's where you can change your baby. Single dad, you know, but really, they know. They. They must know. They must know, like. Well, also, if you need to, you can jerk off in here. It's dark, it's private.

[Adam Carolla]

It's the American way.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Yeah. I think that they're offering it as, like, they don't. Like untold, you know, not really a.

[Adam Carolla]

Wink and a nod. Speak easy if you want, Jack. Easy. I always. Whenever you. I hear something this way, I picture the, you know, army surplus store with the personal massager back in the 70s, which is clearly a vibrator and an illustration of the woman putting it on her shoulder. Such relief.

[Unnamed Speaker]

It's like. Yeah, those are for knots in your. In your traps.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Unnamed Speaker]

You know, I almost got killed by a one of Those bathrooms that are just in the street, have you ever seen those?

[Adam Carolla]

A portal potty?

[Unnamed Speaker]

Not a porta potty. They are a self cleaning bathroom. And it almost murdered me.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on.

[Unnamed Speaker]

When I was breastfeeding.

[Adam Carolla]

Self cleaning bathroom in the streets?

[Unnamed Speaker]

Yeah, they have them in France.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, well, yeah. In Europe. Yeah.

[Unnamed Speaker]

No, I grew up in San Francisco. They started putting them in in the late 90s in the city. Self cleaning.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so I got. We got the park bathroom, but that's not what you're talking about.

[Unnamed Speaker]

That's not what I'm talking about.

[Adam Carolla]

We got the porta potty, then we got the one that we're trying to build for like $2 million.

[Unnamed Speaker]

There we go. That's it right there. That's exactly it.

[Adam Carolla]

And this is one of those kind of European ideas that made it over here.

[Unnamed Speaker]

And I know that they exist in other parts of the country. I have seen them in, I believe I want to say like Colorado and.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, like, they got to be in blue states. I don't for sure. I feel like this is a red state move here.

[Unnamed Speaker]

But it almost murdered me. I'm not exaggerating. I almost died of one of those.

[Adam Carolla]

Top rack, dishwasher safe sort of situation.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Very close. No, you're very close. So I was in France at the time. You know, I do pretty well, Adam and I was in France. And you need a coin, right? You need a coin to use it. And we were walking around and my husband and I, you know, they don't let you use restrooms and restaurants like in the States. You walk into a Cheesecake factory, you just head to the back like you own the place and you can use the bathroom. They shut down in Europe. They're all siesta, they're all napping. They're very rude, of course, as we know. And so I try to go in and I couldn't. I really. I had that horse piss building up inside of me and I said, you know what? I see one of those. I've used one before in San Francisco. I run over a woman comes out and I start. Hold the door, please. Hold it for me. Don't speak any French, but please. And she's looking at me like I'm insane.

[Kira Sultanovich]

Hold it.

[Adam Carolla]

Because you can't get in.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Because I want to just run in and use it.

[Jody Miller]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

You're basically. You don't have a coin. So what you're doing. Let me see if I can get this straight. I've done it before. No, I'm just saying. Is equivalent to when you're pulling out of a parking garage and you don't have your ticket because you lost your ticket. And the guy before you puts the ticket in and the gate opens. If you get on it, if you bump, draft him. You'll make it right under before that gate comes back down. That's what you're trying to do with the door.

[Unnamed Speaker]

But I wasn't thinking of it in that terms. I just needed to pee.

[Adam Carolla]

I understand it's a very intricate thought for someone who has to pee this bad. But you're trying to get in for the thing close before it closes and you don't have the change.

[Unnamed Speaker]

And I run in and I'm so, like, relieved, right? And I close the door. It locks. I don't even lock it automatically. It locks me in because now it's ready to clean itself and immediately. And it's dark because why does it. Why do the lights need to be on? There's no one in there. And it just. And all.

[Adam Carolla]

It's spraying all over the place.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Spraying me, spraying everything.

[Adam Carolla]

It's not just the toilet. Huh?

[Unnamed Speaker]

They sprays the walls.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Unnamed Speaker]

And I am trying to get out and I'm banging on the door, let me out.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me out. I'm sorry, Kira, I can't do that.

[Unnamed Speaker]

It's like a bomb shelter door. It doesn't. My husband can't even hear me. And I was like, put a coin in. He goes, I don't have any coins. So he runs off to change Frank. He leaves me there and I am drenched.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Purple and green and yellow chemicals.

[Adam Carolla]

They blow out the whole place.

[Unnamed Speaker]

The whole thing gets cleaned.

[Adam Carolla]

But there is just a regular toilet in there as well.

[Unnamed Speaker]

It's a lovely place. You can breastfeed in there. You can snap one off in there. You know, it's really nice. It's pretty mayhem.

[Adam Carolla]

Do a little. Yeah, do a little booger sugar in there.

[Unnamed Speaker]

It will try to.

[Adam Carolla]

Olivia powder. Wow.

[Unnamed Speaker]

You can do some coke. It will try to kill you if you go in when it's, you know, self cleaning.

[Adam Carolla]

Maybe it's one of those things where they get the word out and people like you talk and others don't try to jump the line. You know what I mean?

[Unnamed Speaker]

I'm not here to promote Big Bear. I'm here to send a message to the world. This is a public service announcement.

[Adam Carolla]

You've written for Joan Rivers?

[Unnamed Speaker]

I do.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that's great. How is that process?

[Unnamed Speaker]

Listen, every day I thought I'd be fired. Every single day. There were only two writers. It was a Show called how'd you get so rich? And we went around the country asking millionaires, basically, like, you live in, you know, 20,000 square foot house do.

[Adam Carolla]

How.

[Unnamed Speaker]

How did you get this house? And, oh, I sold those doggy, you know, piddle pads or just some ridiculous random thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Unnamed Speaker]

And the more crazy, the better. And my job was to write jokes for her. But there were only two of us. And every week the other writer would get fired. And I just thought, that's it. It's me. I'm next. And I somehow survived it.

[Adam Carolla]

The death tournament. Like, every week.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Every week I was. I would meet a new writer. Oh, hey, how's it going? Oh, Steve. Nice to meet you. And then I would know I won't see you next Monday. Or it might be me. Like, I knew that.

I.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, either way, you're not seeing each other.

[Unnamed Speaker]

We're not seeing each other next Monday.

[Adam Carolla]

Was it because of her?

[Unnamed Speaker]

You know, ultimately, Joan and I did finally get along.

[Adam Carolla]

Finally.

[Unnamed Speaker]

And I will say I was terrified of her the entire time. For months. And we traveled together.

[Adam Carolla]

This is approximately how long before she passed?

[Unnamed Speaker]

This was in 2010. Because I was pregnant with my first child.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Unnamed Speaker]

And I didn't tell anybody because you don't want to talk about it in the first trimester. So I kept it a secret. And I had morning sickness the whole time. And she was yelling at me. And one day I just yelled back. And I thought this might be my last day, but I was just so full of HGC or whatever the hormone is just pumping through your body. And I felt disgusting. And I just wanted to vomit every second. I just yelled at her. And after that. That we were really, really nice and close. It was okay.

[Adam Carolla]

So this is 2010.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

She passed in 2014. So it's been 10 years.

[Unnamed Speaker]

I can't believe it.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, it was a weird one. There's a counter up on the screen. Seems inaccurate to me, but you can look it up. I turn on the TV the other day. It's just like it was one year anniversary of Matthew Perry dying. I'm like, matthew Perry died seven weeks ago. Get the fuck out of here. It's been one year. It's like that year, by the way, when I was in school and hated every second of it. How come it didn't go by that fast? I could use some Matthew Perry years. When I was in the eighth grade. Sitting there, failing every class and just sitting in a hot classroom, just staring at the clock, dying to get the fuck out of there. Now I'm having a good time. It's all sailing right past so fast. So you work with Joan. She was a tough taskmaster.

[Unnamed Speaker]

One day she'd want me to whisper jokes in her ear. The next day she'd want me to write them on like a cue card. The next day she wanted me to pass her a note like it was all very, you know, she's Joan. She had a certain way she wanted things done. So we would be shooting and she would look at me like, I need a joke right now. And I would like whisper in her ear. And I guess they just obviously cut around that. But I didn't. I didn't really know if. If she liked anything that I. That I pitched. It was kind of hard to show.

[Adam Carolla]

She was not gracious.

[Unnamed Speaker]

She ended up being very gracious. But I think at the beginning, you're nervous. It's the first season of a show. Is this going to work out? Who are you? You know what I mean? I show up like, who are you? Why did they hire you? I have to prove myself. She to probably feel like she has to prove herself. And she was a workhorse. She did not like to have any idle time.

[Adam Carolla]

We would shoot.

[Unnamed Speaker]

She would fly on a red eye from. Let's say we were in Vegas and we were shooting. She'd go to the east coast, wake up there, do her QVC show, then do a show that night somewhere in Manhattan, then fly back to California. Like it was bananas. She was constantly working.

[Adam Carolla]

I know. Women always cracks me up because we go, women need to support other women. Women need to reach out and give them a hand up. And they all hate each other, which I love. I love that story. And they do the same thing with black community. Like needs to reach out. Or if we just had a black mayor of Oakland, then our problems would be solved as a black. And it's like, it never works. There's no history of it. I'm not saying there's not instances of women being good to other women and helping other women. There are many instances of men being good to women and helping women as well. I'm saying stop with the expectation. Like, she should understand as a woman empowered, she should help empower other women. They don't do it. They oftentimes, I think the batting average is worse than a random dude. I think they see other women as competition. It's kind of like in their DNA or something.

[Unnamed Speaker]

And it starts young. Starts young. I see my daughter now, she's 9. And I see the other neighborhood kids. We have 9 year olds and 10 year olds on our little cul de sac. And I watch them and I'm like, oh my God, I forgot that this was a thing at that age. There's A girl who's 10 who told my 9 year old, you're flat chested, you whore. Like, did you ever watch a kid be mean to your kid and just want to destroy that other kid?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I don't have that gear as a parent.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

But I get where you're at. No, I like it. You like it? My daughter scrapped with a guy just very recently at a party. At a frat party I was doing standup in. Oh, my God, it was crazy. Oh, God. It's a long story, but I'll tell you my. It was like, you know, parent day at the college. And so my daughter goes, why don't you come out? We're having this big mixer at the fraternity and the guys want you to do stand up. And everyone looked at me and said, that's a bad idea. And I said, I'm doing it. Oh, God. And then we showed up at the frat house and people were doing like cake stands and getting loaded, and the parents were there too, and they were just bopping around and it was daytime and the people were just getting drunk and hanging out. They're playing shitty music and stuff and there's no stage, there's no microphone, there's no anything. So I'm there for like an hour and a half, two hours, and then at some point, the frat guy comes up to me with my daughter and goes, you want to do standard? And I go, well, I would, but there's no, you know, there's no microphone. And he goes, I can get a microphone. I'm like, how are you going to get a mic? He goes, I'll get a mic. I go, okay, if you get a microphone, I'll. I'll do standup. And next thing you know, I'm standing on top of the bar in the backyard of a frat house and there's like 40 or 50 drunken kids and 40 or 50 drunken parents and the place is rowdy. So I go with the rowdy material. I don't go with the clean material. I go with the rowdy material and some all woke. No joke, douche dad is standing there in the middle, just some pussy. The arbiter of comedy. He definitely loves himself some. Gavin Newsom starts yelling fuck you in the middle of the thing, right? Just. It was crazy. And kept doing it. He just kept doing it. My daughter was like, Close to the stage. And this guy was behind her, like eight or five feet. And at some point he like, went into her and said, your dad's an asshole or something. And then she turned around and told the guy to fuck off because it could go no other way. I didn't hear the exchange because I was like, up on stage. But I. I was happy that she defended my honor.

[Unnamed Speaker]

But so you did. You saw the opposite happen. Which is great because she's an adult now. But I've seen in real time, kids bully my kids. And I am not a good mom in the sense of I don't look at kids and go, well, they're all of God's creatures and they're all beautiful. No, some are douchebags. And this kid is a dick. And I remember once, my son was 8, and this kid was bullying him. And I go, hey, I saw him on this, on the playground. And I looked at him and I go. And then I went like this.

[Adam Carolla]

Throat slit, throat slit for people.

[Unnamed Speaker]

It's like throwing me in the car. He's like, you will be arrested. You will go to jail. I go, he doesn't know what that means. I know. I feel a little bit better.

[Adam Carolla]

But he doesn't know they outlawed that in the NFL. You can't do that. You're done.

[Unnamed Speaker]

You're done. And this kid backed away from my son. So it worked. But that's one thing I have zero tolerance for is all of this, like, super, like, gentle parenting that's out right now, where everyone's like, you have to speak to your children, like through your uterus. And I can't stand it.

[Adam Carolla]

Because I agree.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Not that mom at all. Yeah, I will.

[Adam Carolla]

I will threaten death on an eight year old.

[Unnamed Speaker]

1,000%.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm with you. It's way too much coddling, way too much guys going, oh, that's my best friend. And all this. Too many guys wearing bracelets. And then when I say to these pussies, why are you wearing all these fucking bracelets? They're like, well, my daughter made me this bracelet, so I gotta wear it. And I'm like, okay, so what if my son whittled me a butt plug? Would I have to shove it up my ass?

[Unnamed Speaker]

Tell her if you're a good dad. If you're a good dad, Let me.

[Adam Carolla]

Tell you, that super, super skinny drawer on the top of desks, that old time desk, we go, what drawers too? What's that drawer for? It's for shit your kids made you, right? That you don't want to put on.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Perfect size for a macaroni necklace.

[Adam Carolla]

Perfect. It was probably made initially like the guy who invented the roll top desk was like, my fucking daughter's giving me too much shit. I don't have to be made fun of in the village.

[Unnamed Speaker]

You don't have to wear it. I get it. Like, you put it on. Thank you, sweetheart. And then you have to just slyly take it off.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Unnamed Speaker]

And you just put it in that top desk drawer.

[Adam Carolla]

Way too many kids, way too many dads calling their son buddy or my best friend.

[Unnamed Speaker]

No, I don't. Positive parenting class. And I do a bit about this. I did take a positive parenting class where they tell you to talk to your friend and talk to your kid and say friend. And I said, absolutely not. Yeah, absolutely not. Because I don't wipe my friends butts. Do you know what I mean? Anymore. I mean, look, we all went to college, but I don't, I don't, I won't call them friend. No, you're, you're, you know, I call you sweetheart, then usually I say sweetheart when I'm like, sweetheart, I told you to fold your laundry, my love.

[Adam Carolla]

The power structure doesn't work that way.

[Unnamed Speaker]

I get it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. Parenting. Look, there's a thing, and I use the metaphor, I always go, so diet and exercise, you know, people go, well, I'm on medication because I'm kind of depressed and I'm taking the Ozempic shot because. And I'm like, just diet and exercise. Just break a good sweat, just jump in the ocean, just take a fucking hike and just put some Wagner on and some classical music and just leave the house. Hit a heavy bag. You'll be gassed out, you won't need all. It's just diet and exercise. Well, you know, I'm on the Jenny Craig deal. We got a wheel so I can eat fudge sometimes, but it's a Jenny Craig fudge. It's like just diet and exercise. That's what I mean.

[Unnamed Speaker]

What do you say? Diet. What do you mean by diet? Because now there are a lot of different ways that people.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm saying, you understand, and I'm using this a metaphor with the kids. Like, they just need parents. They need parents. I'm saying it's a metaphor. I'm not trying to talk about diet and exercise. I'm talking about the metaphor of kids need a dad, they need a mom, they need discipline, they need boundaries, they need occasionally be locked and grounded in the room. If it's your thing, you can swat them on the behind, that's fine with me. It's not my style. I'm not judging them. But it can be effective for getting them to stop doing shit. And they're not the boss and they don't get a vote. It's just, it's just diet and exercise. It's just old school shit. We're way up in our heads with our fucking Ozempic parenting. You don't need it, you need diet, you need exercise and you need parents. And they need a dad who acts like a dad.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

And they need a mom who acts like a mom. Not one thing. Struggling with their pronouns.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Well, I believe in that as well. But these LA moms that I hang out with are extremely difficult. Like, I don't have time to like make friends. I'm on the road, I'm traveling. So I only have la moms to really hang out with. And they, I can, I cannot tell you how just. They cave in so easily. Look, I was hit as a kid. I'm an immigrant. My parents 100% believed in smacking me around too much, a little too much. It wasn't like, hey, stop doing that. It was like, let me see if I can end your life right now. So I would never hit my kids. But it definitely has backfired because I don't think they've been hitting kids for at least 20 years. So now we have the byproduct. I had a 20 year old in my audience the other night who said, words are violence.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, perfect.

[Unnamed Speaker]

What?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Unnamed Speaker]

What happened to sticks and stones, you pussies? Yes, what happened? That's how I was raised. And you have to now words are violence. And everything you say can be triggering.

[Adam Carolla]

The self esteem movement has backfired incredibly horribly. Because the self esteem movement was based on trying to make people feel good about themselves without any achievements.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Which is. It's real hard to hire that person, get them to clean out your bathroom when they're 19, when they feel like a queen or a prince.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

And you're also not doing them any favors. You have to earn your self esteem. I can't just bestow it upon you. And then you get into this weird world where it's like, all women are beautiful. All girl, every shape, everything. You know, dove is gonna come out with a. Dove is coming out with a. Like all the women of the world are beautiful. No, listen, it's real simple. Forget about dove. Are you explaining what beauty is? Let's just take a look at the last 13 people. Leonardo DiCaprio was fucking right Then we'll know what beautiful is, or at least what our version of beautiful is. Because that's just a dude who can fuck anything he wants. And he doesn't fuck the fact chicks from the Dove commercial. He gets the hotties. That's how it works. That is our definition of beauty. They try to convince us of a bunch of shit. And really, the point is, if you're morbidly obese, you are not beautiful. You need to lose some fucking weight, and it would be good for your health. So put down the sandwich, bitch.

[Unnamed Speaker]

But if you say that now, look, I think you're. I don't know if anyone's too big to be canceled, but you're too big, probably to be canceled, right? Because you got your own empire.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't work for anybody, per se. That's my.

[Unnamed Speaker]

But I am still cancelable very easily.

[Adam Carolla]

You want to work for Melissa Rivers.

[Unnamed Speaker]

I don't think she would ever. But I'm saying, like, it's very easy, you know, for me to say something and it's the wrong thing and that's it.

[Adam Carolla]

And then you just go along. That's with the orthodoxy. And that's how we all got butt fucked by Covid. Because people like, I don't want to get canceled. I want to get canceled. I'll just go along with whatever the bullshit is. I'll open the door with my foot.

[Unnamed Speaker]

I had a comic see me and my family riding bikes in Burbank. Here in Burbank.

[Adam Carolla]

Riding bikes.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Riding our bikes during COVID Outside, we're all riding bikes.

[Adam Carolla]

Best thing you could have done during.

[Unnamed Speaker]

COVID This comic was in a mask, rollerblading past us. And he gave. He didn't recognize me. I had my glasses on. I had a baseball hat, Right? And we weren't wearing masks because we're outside and my 4 year old is not gonna wear a mask.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Good.

[Unnamed Speaker]

It's like putting a mask on a parakeet. Like, what's the point? And he said he was so just nasty to us. And he didn't really. He didn't know it was me. And I've never said anything to him because I. Again, I can understand. Like, no, this is your thing. It's not my thing. But.

[Adam Carolla]

So he didn't recognize.

[Unnamed Speaker]

He didn't recognize me, but it was like, you know, he was like, you're gonna kill everyone's grandmother or something. Like one of those, like, catchphrases that everyone. We were riding our bikes past him outside.

[Adam Carolla]

I understand that he was Rollerblade.

[Unnamed Speaker]

He was Rollerblading.

[Adam Carolla]

That's why I said rollerblade with the bane mask.

[Unnamed Speaker]

With a mask on. I get it. Like, okay, that's your thing. But why can't I do what I think is best for us? And that's not riding our bikes with masks on. It's just. And they put a mask on the statues on this bike path. Like masks on statues.

[Adam Carolla]

Listen, these people need to be addressed.

[Unnamed Speaker]

And I did. I felt like a fraud because I didn't say anything. Because I was so worried that people really, truly thought, I want to kill their grandmothers.

[Adam Carolla]

No one thought that. No one thought that all the people who did this were insane narcissists.

[Unnamed Speaker]

I think there's part of that. Sure, there is part of that.

[Adam Carolla]

You have to be a narcissist. Only a narcissist could approach strangers and tell them what to do. Really, it is. Look, there's a lot of narcissists and it unlocked it.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

In a lot of people. And they all like to Virtue signal. And they all like to do all their worthless, you know, sort of. Really. They were doing things that were not consequential. It was all symbolic and they were signaling that way. And I hate all these people and they scare and I like to shame them every fucking chance I get. So I do.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Do you ever get people? Because obviously your crowd is going to know you, your fans are going to know you. But do you ever get people at your shows that they come up and they had no idea maybe what your standup or what your point of view is, and then they are just horrified and offended?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, this one guy at a frat party started yelling me to fuck off in the middle of my set. Yeah, he was horrified. He was offended. Yeah.

[Unnamed Speaker]

I don't think it happens that often.

[Adam Carolla]

Not that often, but it can and it does. I had a guy at Kimmel's club a few months ago just yelled fuck you. Like, in the middle. I wasn't even doing anything political. I just yelled fuck you as loud as he could. And then he sat there. It was weird. And I asked him about it and then he went, oh. He said something like, oh, am I allowed to talk now? Or something. And I was like, well, you just yelled fuck you as loud as you could.

[Kira Sultanovich]

Club.

[Adam Carolla]

So, yeah, during a show. During a show. It's weird times. But here's the point. You can't care. And I never do.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And it's part of how I grew up, and part of it is being a guy. You know, I think. And I used to teach boxing and stuff. Like, I think if I felt physically threatened by the guy in the audience, I would, it would change my point of view a little bit or my, you know, the way, the way I, the way I proceeded with the person. I don't jump in the crowd and try to fight them. I just don't. I don't have a fear of them coming onto the stage and confronting me per se most of the time. Well, tactically, you have the high ground. I got the high ground. That's right, Kira, let's give you a plug. Big Bear comedy festival. You're doing Friday and Saturday.

[Unnamed Speaker]

I am doing Friday and Saturday night.

[Adam Carolla]

Friday and Saturday. I'm doing Saturday. So my screen says, and I look forward, we'll do a shot of vodka after her performance.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Absolutely.

[Adam Carolla]

Thanks, Jim.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Drink some coke.

[Adam Carolla]

Prost. I appreciate. And there's Ben Bailey's got a standup special. Please tell me what I said. Available on YouTube. Skinny Jody Miller. You can check out her special decades in the making, that's on YouTube as well. Until next time, this is Adam for Ben and Kira and Jody saying Mahala.

[Kira Sultanovich]

You can leave us a voicemail at 888-634-1744 and you can always get tickets gets to see adam [e-mail].

[Adam Carolla]

Pluto TV.

[Ben Bailey]

Is a place for movie fans like me and TV fans like me. They've got something for everyone and it's free. I love free. And I love Jersey Shore. For me, it's The Godfather, Spud, SpongeBob SquarePants. I am Patrick. Patrick is me. Oh, Forrest Gump. Come on. Criminal minds solving crime after bedtime. Whatever you love to watch. Pluto TV makes it easy with thousands of free movies and shows. Pluto TV stream now pay never. I love reality TV on Pluto tv Same. And I love that it's free. It gives me the freedom to watch Bravo's Real Housewives Vault channel. I'm totally free to watch Bad Girls club. I'm free for Jersey Shore love and hip hop. I'm free all day. Survivor. I'm free all night. With hundreds of free reality shows, you are totally free to watch what you love on Pluto tv. Pluto TV stream now pay never.