Comedians Jeff Dye & Adam Ray

Summary

Adam Carolla Show – Episode Featuring Comedians Jeff Dye & Adam Ray Release Date: November 20, 2024

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Introduction

In this lively episode of the Adam Carolla Show, host Adam Carolla welcomes comedians Jeff Dye and Adam Ray for an engaging conversation filled with personal anecdotes, sharp political commentary, and insightful reflections on the life of a traveling comedian. Joined by producer Jason Mayhem Miller, the trio dives deep into Jeff Dye's recent struggles, the complexities of modern relationships, and the evolving landscape of political language.

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Jeff Dye’s Personal Challenges and DUI Story

The episode opens with Jeff Dye candidly discussing his recent struggles with excessive drinking and the consequences that followed. At [14:06], Jeff shares:

Jeff Dye ([14:06]): "I started popping pills to try to stay awake while I'm drinking. Now I'm just blacked out. I don't remember any of the things."

He recounts the harrowing experience of receiving a DUI, detailing the chaos of crashing his car and the ensuing legal troubles. At [14:35], Jeff reflects on the incident:

Jeff Dye ([14:35]): "I slept for, I think, like, eight and a half, nine hours. So what I would do is I would just drink with all my buddies."

This honest portrayal underscores the personal toll that addiction can take, even on those who appear to lead successful lives in the public eye.

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Relationship with Ex and Media Impact

A significant portion of the conversation centers around Jeff’s tumultuous relationship with his ex-girlfriend, Kristin Cavallari, and how her podcast amplified his personal hardships. At [17:00], Jeff expresses his dismay:

Jeff Dye ([17:00]): "She used me as like a distraction for her messy divorce... I was just this."

He delves into the emotional aftermath of being portrayed negatively in the media, highlighting the strain it placed on his mental health and personal life.

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Life on the Road vs. Settling Down

Jeff Dye contrasts the life of a touring comedian with the desire for a more stable, settled existence. At [05:37], he shares:

Jeff Dye ([05:37]): "I'm really grateful. I love it. The caveat is that I don't have a girlfriend or a wife or kids."

Jeff acknowledges the freedom and opportunities that come with traveling for comedy, yet he also grapples with the longing for a stable home environment—a sentiment echoed by Jason Mayhem Miller at [06:59].

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Comedy and Personal Growth

Jeff reflects on his journey in comedy, emphasizing the importance of finding personal joy and authenticity in his performances. Discussing his book, “Parenthood,” at [11:17], Jeff humorously notes:

Jeff Dye ([11:17]): "They literally go, I would never be a dad. And then they're like, it's the most meaningful thing that ever happened to me."

This highlights Jeff’s ability to blend humor with genuine introspection, offering relatable content for his audience.

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Reflections on Language Politics

A substantial part of the episode is dedicated to analyzing how political groups, particularly the left, manipulate language to shape public perception. At [33:05], Jason Mayhem Miller critiques:

Jason Mayhem Miller ([33:05]): "They want to do a lot of like words for things that are to label things as something that would be grotesque for you to oppose it."

The discussion delves into terms like “undocumented American” versus “illegal alien,” showcasing the impact of semantic changes on societal discourse.

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Political Discussions

The conversation takes a sharp turn into the realm of politics, with the trio dissecting recent developments and figures. At [61:56], they discuss Trump’s Cabinet picks:

Jason Mayhem Miller ([61:56]): "President elect Trump made nominations to his Cabinet. Some nominees appear to have no compelling qualifications other than loyalty to Trump."

Jeff criticizes figures like RFK Jr., emphasizing the controversies surrounding their qualifications and beliefs. The dialogue underscores the deep political divides and the role of media in shaping narratives.

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Comedy Performances and Live Shows

Shifting gears, the discussion moves towards the creative process behind comedy performances and live shows. Brad Williams shares his experiences with live improvisation and character development, particularly his Dr. Phil impression. At [86:13], Brad explains:

Brad Williams ([86:13]): "I started doing the live show element because it was like... it's just all the things I've been doing for 17 years."

The trio highlights the importance of spontaneity and audience engagement in crafting memorable performances.

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Societal Reflections and Media

Throughout the episode, the comedians offer critical insights into contemporary society and the influence of media. They touch upon issues like the erosion of trust in institutions, the commodification of personal struggles, and the pervasive nature of digital media in everyday life.

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Conclusion

Wrapping up the episode, Jeff Dye, Adam Ray, and Jason Mayhem Miller share final thoughts on resilience, personal growth, and the unending quest for humor amidst adversity. Jeff concludes at [135:03]:

Jeff Dye ([135:03]): "Thank you, brother. God bless."

The episode serves as a poignant reminder of the human stories behind public personas and the power of laughter to navigate personal and societal challenges.

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Notable Quotes:

• Jeff Dye ([14:06]): "I started popping pills to try to stay awake while I'm drinking. Now I'm just blacked out. I don't remember any of the things."

• Jeff Dye ([17:00]): "She used me as like a distraction for her messy divorce... I was just this."

• Jason Mayhem Miller ([33:05]): "They want to do a lot of like words for things that are to label things as something that would be grotesque for you to oppose it."

• Jason Mayhem Miller ([61:56]): "President elect Trump made nominations to his Cabinet. Some nominees appear to have no compelling qualifications other than loyalty to Trump."

• Brad Williams ([86:13]): "I started doing the live show element because it was like... it's just all the things I've been doing for 17 years."

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This episode of the Adam Carolla Show offers a blend of heartfelt storytelling, sharp wit, and incisive commentary, making it a must-listen for fans seeking both laughter and depth.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

If you could hear love, what would it sound like? Son, can we talk about your drinking?

[Jeff Dye]

Yeah, Dad, I think we should.

[Adam Carolla]

Helping those closest to you think about their excessive drinking.

[Jeff Dye]

Maybe that's what love sounds like.

[Adam Carolla]

[e-mail] an OHA initiative.

[Adam Ray]

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[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Allmodern.Com well, comedians Jeff Dye and Adam Ray are back in studio Mayhem's on News and we'll do all that right after this.

[Adam Ray]

I love reality TV on Pluto TV Same.

[Jeff Dye]

And I love that it's free.

[Adam Ray]

It gives me the freedom to watch Bravo's Real Housewives Vault channel.

[Jeff Dye]

I'm totally free to watch Bad Girls Club.

[Adam Ray]

I'm free for Jersey Shore Love and hip Hop.

[Jeff Dye]

I'm free all day.

[Adam Ray]

Survivor. I'm free all night.

[Jeff Dye]

With hundreds of free reality shows, you are totally free to watch what you love on Pluto tv.

[Adam Ray]

Pluto TV Stream now. Hey Never.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Hey fans of Freedom and open discussion. I'm heading over to Substack and there's an ad free audio and video version of the Adam Carolla show that's going to be waiting there in the near future. You'll even be able to watch ACS Live unedited as we record it. Participate in the show via live chat. That'll be coming up very soon. You also get an ad free version of the Adam Kurl and Dr. Drew show. You also get an exclusive to my new podcast Beat it out where I share unpolished ideas with my comedian buddies. The first series of episodes is going to be J. Moore. You'll get all this and more for the low, low price of nine bucks a month. A pittance for all we're going to bring. You subscribe [e-mail] substack and I'll see all of you in our new speakeasy.

[Adam Ray]

Called Substance.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

From Corolla One Studios in Glendale, California. This is the Adam Corolla Show. Adam's guest today, comedians Jeff Dye and Adam Ray. Plus the news and trending topics with Jason Mayhem Miller.

[Jeff Dye]

And now official nominee for secretary of.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

The Department of Getting it on Adam Perolla.

[Jeff Dye]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Get it on. Got to get on the church. Get it on. Chip Dye, very funny comedian and actor back in studio mayhem. Hanging out. Going to be doing some news and cracking wise. Good to see you again, Jeff.

[Jeff Dye]

Good to see you, my man.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Congratulations on the special Last Cowboy in LA. It's available now on YouTube and it is very funny. And where'd you film it?

[Jeff Dye]

I filmed it in Nashville.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, really?

[Jeff Dye]

Yeah, this, like, music venue, and they're going to hate that. I forget the name of the music venue right now.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, you know, I forget the name of everybody I've ever been at because I guess it's a thing, but to me, when it happened already, then I don't need to know. So then we move forward versus people that are really mired in dates and times of things.

[Jeff Dye]

Not that guy.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Not that guy. I think that's good. I'll tell you the worst guy in the world. Worst guy in the world. That pulls the ponytail through the hole and the ball cap guy. That's the worst guy. Second worst guy guy is Date Sky. I buried my oldest son December 22nd. Oh, my God. 1987. You know, like, I'll say, all right, I don't know what I. I. Sorry I didn't celebrate.

[Jeff Dye]

Put it on my calendar.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Was that a Wednesday this year? So I think I was at work, but next year I'll sit and shiver, like, don't give me your dates. I have no idea what my.

[Jeff Dye]

I sometimes don't remember the comedy club till I get there. People go, have you played this? Like, three times? I go, oh, yeah. And I don't really recall anything. Then once I walk through the lobby and I get to, like, the actual club and the green room or whatever, I'll go, oh.

[Brad Williams]

And.

[Jeff Dye]

And I could tell you 20 things that happened at that club I need to see. I actually can't remember which improv is gone now. I get Brea, I get Irvine. I get them all kind of mixed up, and one of them's gone, and I don't even know which one it is because I'd have to walk into it to remember it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I'm told the Electric Jane.

[Jeff Dye]

That's it. The Electric Jane. Yeah, that's it also.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That's nice.

[Jeff Dye]

Whoever gave you.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That's on them. That's on them. Because that's not that easy to remember.

[Jeff Dye]

I know. And it's a music venue, so who really? People aren't gonna go, oh, I'll go see some more comedy there. But a beautiful venue and Dates.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Hyenas coming up. Fort worth. They'll be November 21st, 22nd, hyenas in Dallas. So we know where you're at.

[Jeff Dye]

Yep. And Fort Worth on Thursday. Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And Funny Bone coming up In Omaha, Nebraska, 29th through the 30th. Traveling, doing shows, seeing the country. How do you feel about it?

[Jeff Dye]

I'm really grateful.

[Brad Williams]

Good.

[Jeff Dye]

I love it. The caveat is that I don't have a girlfriend or a wife or kids. I think that a lot of my peers feel guilt about being on the road. Cause they're getting people giving them a hard time. They're going, my wife is mad at me. Or like, oh, I've got a FaceTime. My girlfriend all the time. So I'm pretty lucky in that way. But it is getting a little wary now that I have a nice home. I want to enjoy my nice home. And it's hard because I'm gone.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah. No, I agree. So I grew up in squalor. And so staying in a hotel room seemed really good. Because they had two sheets, you know, they had a lower one and then the one that goes through like a little pita bread. And everything was nicer. Cause I grew up in a shack, so everything was nicer. And then I got rich and I got nice shit. And then I started going on the road. And then I'm like, now I don't wanna be away from my nice stuff. Cause the stuff I left is much better than the place I'm going to versus having, like I just said, like wall to wall carpet, color TV and stuff. But then I got older and I started really thinking about the gift that is seeing all of the country places you would never go if this wasn't your job.

[Jeff Dye]

It's funny that you just put that together because that's absolutely it. My parents were broke, and then I lived in a car for a little while, chasing this dream of comedy. So staying on the road meant I didn't sleep in a car, or I didn't have to hook up with a girl to sleep in her bed, or I didn't have to ask a buddy to crash on his couch morning. And that's what it was. But now that my home is nicer than the hotel, I'm going, when do we stay home? I just did Harlan Williams. I was at his beautiful home and I go, how often are you on the road? And the only reason I was asking is because I was like, I would find a home.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You were looking at the view. You were looking at the view from Harlan. Yeah. Sitting in A hot tub, looking at the view. Yeah. That's why maybe you should have a comforter that's made out of human hair at home. It's almost biblical.

[Jeff Dye]

Definitely never considered this.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Well, here's my pitch. You have a discomfort at home so that you appreciate the road now.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank God for the Holiday Inn. This comforter's perfect.

[Jeff Dye]

Well, I will say that I do have a reputation of enjoying the road more than other comics. And that's just optically that other comics will see, like my stories on Instagram or whatever, and they'd be like, wow, you really go do all the things. So, like, during the day, I don't. I think a lot of comics before me, kind of like the generation before me, in the generation, they might be like, it's so depressing on the road. I just sit in the hotel and I do drugs and things. And I'm like, yeah, but if you get out of the hotel and go do like a baseball game or go see whatever President's Museum is there, whatever, like, just go do all that stuff. You'll have good material. But then also you're enjoying the travel part of it. And I do that probably more than most comics I know.

[Adam Carolla]

What's the best thing that you did on the road recently?

[Jeff Dye]

Sports stuff, you know? Yeah, I'm trying to think what a good one was.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I'll buy you a minute by telling you. I think it's sort of a duty to do it. Like the people who go to Paris and then eat at McDonald's, you're like, ha, ha, fuck, I like McDonald's. It's like, I like McDonald's too. But you have a civic. You're not in Glendale. You have a civic duty to taste the cuisine.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, Big Mac is not good enough for you.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

No, what I'm saying is, like, I agree with you. You go somewh. Like, I go to Oklahoma City. I want to see the blown up federal building.

[Jeff Dye]

Yes, yes.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And I'm like, it's morbid and it's weird, but how often am I in Oklahoma City? It's still there and it's right up the street. Well, there's a plaque and a park.

[Jeff Dye]

And also they'll say, like, sometimes they'll be like, we're going to take you to this tiny dive bar. Jeff, you don't want to see that tourist crap. And I'm like, I'm a tourist. Show me the tourist crap. I want to see all the things. Keith Robinson. Do you know the comedian Keith Robinson?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I know the name.

[Jeff Dye]

Very funny. Guy, like, brilliant comedian, one of the tough crowd guys. So I really looked up to him even when I was. Before I was in comedy. He was telling me the story that, like, Seinfeld will take him and him and Mario Joyner and all of his openers, and they'll. They'll be in, like, Rome. And he's like, used that specific place, Rome. And he goes, man, I don't give an F, dude. I don't give an F, man. I'm just. I went to McDonald's, I was like, just call me when it's showtime, man. I don't need to see all this crap. And I'm, like, tearing with laughter because I think it's hilarious that he just doesn't care. Opposite of the idea, but it is funny. And then I go, keith, you know the expression when in Rome? He didn't even intentionally use that as the example. But, like, he's just like, I don't care. I don't want to see any of that.

[Adam Carolla]

When in Rome, I take my ass to Starbucks.

[Jeff Dye]

Yeah, he doesn't care. He goes, I don't care to see it where I am. The opposite. But I did find it very funny.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I agree. It's a gift. And there are certain gifts that are chosen and then certain gifts that are imposed. And what I'm saying is this. I have written seven books. The only reason I've written seven books is because somebody came to me and said, I will pay you to write a book. I would never in a million years just write a book. I don't have that much discipline. I grew up sort of functionally illiterate. I'm the last person in the world, second to last, Mayhem, maybe last, who should be writing a book. But somebody came to me and said, I'll give you a ton of money to write a book. And thus, I was forced to write a book. Now I'm an author, and I'm glad I wrote the book, sure, but I would have never done it.

[Jeff Dye]

You justified parenthood?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yes, it was in post. I didn't pull out. And now I have a book that's Parenthood.

[Jeff Dye]

They literally go, I would never be a dad. And then they're like, it's the most meaningful thing that ever happened to me.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And you would never go to these places in Oklahoma City or Wisconsin or whatever. You never go to any of these places. But somebody paid you, and you got on an airplane and you went there. And maybe you would have rather been in New York, or maybe you would have rather been in San Francisco or LA or something. But you want to bum fuck Wisconsin because they paid you. And then when you were done, you were happy. You could say you saw that place and you got the vibe.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, Top of your head. Coolest thing in a janky town.

[Jeff Dye]

Like, I actually noticed that comics will sometimes see something I do on the thing, and they'll be like, oh, where was that? I'm gonna do that. Great example was last time I was in Tulsa, which was just a few weeks ago. One of the comics was just rambling in the green room about how Sam Kennison is buried there. Oh, yeah, can we go tomorrow? He goes, sure. I go. Pick me up. We'll get coffee and we'll go. And we went and visited Kennison's. I don't go to a lot of cemeteries. That was a very unusual. But it was, like, really kind of fun. I was like, we should do more of this, see where people are buried. And now I've seen a few comics since go to Kennison's just in the last few weeks.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my God, bro, that's a fun one. Screaming, didn't he have a bid? Was like, I'll piss on your grave. I would have done that 100%.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

On the grave bed.

[Adam Carolla]

He did.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, yeah. When I was in.

[Jeff Dye]

I left a pen. I left one of the pens that I had in, like, all 50 states. I just kind of put it on, but they cleared it. Like someone left garbage on Kenison's thing. But as a comedian, he'd appreciate that a pen was there for sure.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I went to Jim Morrison's grave and Paris and I saw the catacombs where all the skulls and bones are buried out there in the same general vicinity. Like, yeah, don't go to the Starbucks. Go to the catacombs. Something.

[Jeff Dye]

Something cool. Just, I mean, also, like, it's pretty easy to impress me, you know? So, like, as far as. We're just trying to make the best of me and my buddy Ari, who's in watching right now, we were like, we're gonna go to Pasadena. What's some Pasadena? Things we can do. We'll leave early. We'll go to Pasadena. And so I guess I'm just always kind of looking for some opportunity to have, like, make the best of it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

No, look, it probably speaks of a positive mental attitude versus I'm just gonna lock myself in my hotel room and see if I can beat off three times without a calf muscle. Yeah, so it's. It's good. It's healthy.

[Jeff Dye]

It's healthy.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You you seem like you're in a good place. You're sober now.

[Jeff Dye]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You had a situation.

[Jeff Dye]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Well, I figured you talk about in your standup, so we can talk about it here. You got a DUI in the morning.

[Jeff Dye]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Which I was kind of impressed by. But it says out of control. But it's also, like, impressive. Like, if somebody said, this guy got arrested, what happened? He punched a cop's horse. Right. Wow, that's out of control. But it's also kind of fucking badass. Anyone can get a DUI at 2:00am coming home from the Christmas party.

[Jeff Dye]

8:30. But 8:30am, 9:00am, that's a good time for a DUI.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Jeff Dye]

Mine was a little crazy, so I slept for, I think, like, eight and a half, nine hours. So what I would do is I would just drink with all my buddies. But a lot of my buddies will do cocaine, and so they're up all night. And then I'm. Since I'm a drunk, I would just go to sleep, right? And then I would feel like fomo, you know, like, fear of missing out. I'm hearing all my buddies downstairs having a great time, and I'm going, I'm missing out on this. So what I started doing towards the end was, like, popping pills to try to stay awake while I'm drinking. Now I'm just blacked out. I don't remember any of the things. So I was doing this towards the end of my drinking times, and I hadn't seen my ex for, like, two years, and she was like, I'm in la. Let's get coffee.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Is that Chris and Cavallari?

[Jeff Dye]

Yeah. And I just hadn't seen her. And so dumb, stupid Jeff's like, maybe. Maybe she'll fall in love with me again, and maybe we'll be back.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You guys dated earlier for.

[Jeff Dye]

We didn't even really date. I'm gonna say that publicly. She made me think that I might have a chance with her, and there wasn't a million. She, like, treated me like a little puppy, you know? Like, I'm thinking, I'll fly to Nashville and hang out with you. And in her mind, it's nothing to her. It was a lot to me. I believed I was in love. And, boy, am I a fool.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

All right, so hold on. Let me see if I can unpack this a little bit, because I watch a fair amount of tmz.

[Jeff Dye]

Okay.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Now, she is one of these people that is kind of just known for being hot, even though she was on TV shows, but, like, me kind of Known for just being hot.

[Jeff Dye]

Just like Adam Carolla. She's often compared to you.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, yeah, everyone talks about paisan.

[Brad Williams]

Come on.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Carolla.

[Jeff Dye]

Female Adam Carolla. Big whoop.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

So she's. She's on, you know, the Hills or the Nile or the eight. She's on one of these shows. But she's just kind of known for being good looking now. Right. And then she had a younger boy toy girl boyfriend more recently.

[Jeff Dye]

I think I do my best to avoid anything with. I don't. This is shocking. I'm even talking about it because I try to avoid all of it, but I can speak to.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Well, see, Joe, see if she recently broke up with her significantly younger sort of boy toy, good looking man, child boyfriend. Because I'm trying to establish a pattern.

[Jeff Dye]

Oh, interesting.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

She may be like an apex predator.

[Brad Williams]

You know, she may.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

There are a handful of chicks that are wired like dudes.

[Jeff Dye]

For sure.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Just a handful.

[Jeff Dye]

Like, I was a fool, dude.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Megan Kelly.

[Jeff Dye]

This could be a girl I could commit to and be in love with. Since I don't have kids. I could be the dad. Two or three kids. I was such a bitch.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Dude, how long ago was this?

[Jeff Dye]

This was during COVID So real drunk Jeff. Mental breakdown Jeff.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Right. But.

[Jeff Dye]

But also, here's the thing. It wasn't real. I wasn't with her. Like, it was just. It was all. I was a distraction for her messy divorce and I respected her privacy. I didn't go to tmz. I didn't talk to anyone. She was with Jay Cutler, but they were going through a messy divorce. But she used me as like a distraction. I'll let this guy come to my house once a month and we'll hang out and he's funny and he has got a good attitude and I'll use him for that. But I'll still be DMing people and I'll still be having my cocaine parties with so. And so I was just this.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, I get it. Distraction.

[Jeff Dye]

But I fell in love with nothing. It was all a joke.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

So I think. What? She broke up with her boyfriend a month ago. 24 year old boyfriend. If you show a picture of this guy, you'll kind of go, oh, yeah, she's got a theme.

[Jeff Dye]

I always joke to her.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

But this, you need kind of the shirt off version of this.

[Jeff Dye]

Well, no, I get it. He's a hot guy, right?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And I don't know how old she is, but.

[Jeff Dye]

Right.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Ten years older than he is or who knows?

[Jeff Dye]

Who cares?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

He's 24. Okay, so let's just unpack this.

[Jeff Dye]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

So men, I do not blame men who get used this way because it's so unconventional. You don't really see it coming. Like, I wouldn't blame a guy who said, I was just walking down the neighborhood in Manhattan and this Asian woman punch me in the face. Because you go like, who would have thought? Yeah, that's not. They don't do a lot of that.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you met my ex.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah. We're looking at the guy that seems about right, right. A real boy toy, buff young dude. So women can take advantage of this and catch you off guard because you think it's always the reverse. The guy's trying. The guy's got a few ladies on the side, he's just using her. He's telling her whatever she wants to hear, but he just likes the sex.

[Jeff Dye]

Right.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

When it's the other way around, guys get caught off guard.

[Jeff Dye]

I couldn't believe it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Because you think nine times out of ten when a woman is having sex with you, it's like there's something. Yeah, she means something.

[Jeff Dye]

Well, she would love bomb me, right? So she would be like super, super, like I don't want you to see anyone else, you're my boyfriend, blah blah, blah. And then like three days later it's like one word replies to text. And she, and I am sensitive to that. She was going through a really like difficult time in her life or whatever. But like I'm just sitting there thinking, this is gonna be it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Right.

[Jeff Dye]

And I was literally nothing to her.

[Adam Carolla]

See, I already been through that. So I'm suspicious by nature. I would have just been.

[Jeff Dye]

Well, I'm the only dummy who falls in love at 38. You know, it's very foolish.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, I got that too. I think once. Well, look, a couple things. If the chick is a really hot blonde and the chick who did this to me was a really hot blonde, and your station in life is not mega producer or owns an airline that.

[Jeff Dye]

Wasn'T the quarterback for the frickin fares.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Something like that. Be suspicious because if they're slum, they're kind of slumming it.

[Jeff Dye]

She was slumming it with me. I was easily the least famous person she's ever been with. And in her mind I'm disposable, I'm nothing to her because she won't leave. She only a lot of women, it's not just her that they don't care.

[Adam Carolla]

See? But she red pilled you. She did you a favor. Now you can ascend even higher.

[Jeff Dye]

Sure. No, I feel like there's nothing in my mind anymore. Like, I really believed this was, like, I would defend her. People say, hey, tell us this thing. Why would I talk about her in public? That's terrible. But now it's like, big wall, you're free. You don't care about me at all. You're very insensitive.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, don't let it embitter you forever. No, I'm not bitter.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Okay.

[Jeff Dye]

I feel good.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I feel liberated.

[Jeff Dye]

I feel liberated. Yeah, There you go. 100%.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Well, you seem like, turn something bad into something good. You finally told your dad you were gay. Got it out. Got it out. You didn't win a Cadillac. You just told him you're gay. But you feel free.

[Jeff Dye]

I hate this analogy because it makes.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Me a gay guy. So you are going to see her after a year?

[Jeff Dye]

I haven't even spoke to her in forever.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Still have. You're hanging on to the hope that there may be some reconciliation.

[Jeff Dye]

Because I would only reach out to her, like, if I was hammered, you know, like, at a bar at 2, ambulance, see what's going on. I got no fear here. And then in the morning, like, can't believe I reached out to her. So it was very embarrassing drunk behavior. But so then she was like, I'm in la. I'm doing my podcast or whatever. And I was like, oh, you want to get coffee? And she's like, sure. Which, like, if you listen to her podcast, she's like. She's like, I don't even know why I did it. Like, I don't even know why. Sorry. I'm such a loser. You can't even get coffee with me.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I love women's version of almost everything.

[Jeff Dye]

It's so hurtful.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It's also weird, too. Like, they tell the story that doesn't make sense. Like, I fucked this guy. I don't even know why. It's like, well, I don't know. You did it also.

[Jeff Dye]

Am I that much of a loser? You can't get coffee with me?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I would shave to protect her ego.

[Jeff Dye]

She goes, he asked me. So, like, I said I would. And you're like, I'm sorry that I'm such a piece of garbage. That charity coffee you gave me, God.

[Adam Carolla]

Came down from heaven and stopped those motherfucking bullets. Like, you got look learned. Like, I gotta quit drinking.

[Jeff Dye]

I know.

[Adam Carolla]

And you missed that chick all at one time.

[Jeff Dye]

100%. But it was literally, like, she was like, I don't even know why. I agree. And then he, like, made me go to Burbank, so I'M sorry, because Burbank's beneath her. So, anyways, I'm. The night before I even told, like, an Uber driver drunk, I was like, dude, I'm gonna see my ex. Like, maybe things, you know, maybe things will get.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Well, you love comedy. You're comedy fans. That's why you're listening to this podcast. And the funniest comedians in the world are on tour right now, and you can get tickets to see them live near you. So they're traveling, and you're bringing the mountain to Mohammed. They're coming to your town. You don't have to go to their town to see them. And they got huge names in comedy. Otsuko Okatsuka is coming out. Maybe not a household name, but I bet if you're listening, you know comedy, you love Oscar Bill Burr. Well, there's a guy, you know, Sebastian Maniscalco is coming to town near you. And so many more. All kinds of shows, all kinds of venues, all kinds of funny. So head to livenation.comcomedy to get your tickets today. That's livenation.comcomedy. and get caught up on all the comedy.

[Brad Williams]

Working from home.

[Jeff Dye]

That means you're also eating from home.

[Adam Ray]

We suggest stocking your fridge and pantry with fruits and veggies so you always.

[Jeff Dye]

Have a healthy snack within reach.

[Adam Ray]

This healthy suggestion is brought to you.

[Jeff Dye]

By Regents Blue Cross Blue Shield of Oregon.

[Adam Ray]

Together we health.

[Jeff Dye]

So anyways, I go to bed at, like, you know, 1:00am and then, like a drunk idiot, I sleep through my alarm. So she's FaceTiming me. Like, where are. Like, I'm at the coffee shop. So, like, I jump in my car, I drive as fast as I can, but I might feel fine. I've had mornings like this every day of my life for 20 years. So I lose control and I crash into a tree. And in the moment of crashing into the tree, I was like, this. All the things I'm about to say happened in, like, one second. I was going, holy crap, this isn't one of these crashes where you can back out and drive. This is a big crash. And then I was like, also, like, they're gonna start asking questions like, were you drinking last night? How'd you lose? And all these happen. Such a quick moment that I just. My. I've always been a runner, right? Like, my whole life. You break a window playing baseball. You run. You know, someone says, cops are coming, you run. You get in a fight. Like, teachers are here. You. I've always been a runner.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I know.

[Jeff Dye]

Even metaphorically. Like, I'll just. You run from relationships, all these different things. So I just ran. I ran to the coffee shop, which was like almost a mile, two miles away. And I get there, my adrenaline's pumping, and she's cardio. Oh my gosh. She goes. She's like. She's like, hey. I just act like it was no big. I don't know how to explain. It's also the coffee shop that I go to super often, which is the only reason I recommended it, because, you know, you go into a place that everyone, like, treats you like the man if you go there all the day. So I wanted her to see me as, like, the man, like all my baristas and what's up, everybody? So then I order the. I order my coffee, and we're sitting there. I had only seen her and the baristas that I know for about three minutes before cops come into their coffee shop. And they're like, hey, did you drive here? And I'm like, huh?

[Brad Williams]

Like.

[Jeff Dye]

And I don't know how to lie. What do you mean? I just kind of like, turn my back to him. He's like, hey, man, let's go outside. And I was like, huh? Like, what's going on? Like, I just played dumb. And of course, that was a little scuffle with those guys and then. Scuffle. I wanted them to move it down the road.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You don't want to do this in plain sight in front of my ex.

[Jeff Dye]

Who I'm still in love with, and then in front of the baristas who know me. And also that coffee shop. Everyone in that coffee shop is keenly aware of who I am. Not my. Not my comedy or career or anything. But I just go in there so often that they see me all the time, you know, so now they're looking out the window like, what's going on? Let's go down the road. And the cop's like, hey, man, don't get froggy on me. And I'm 6 5, so he's a shorter cop. And so it was just kind of this whole thing. And then I'm going, don't. And it was a whole. It was just a whole thing. So then I get arrested, I get the dui, and everything was fine.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Now why did you get the DUI if you're drinking the night before I passed.

[Jeff Dye]

And this could. This is up for debate. The next part I'm gonna say is up for debate. I believe I passed the field sobriety tests.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Uh huh.

[Jeff Dye]

And then he goes, do you. Mind blowing. And I go I'd rather not. What if we're just gonna do those. If we're gonna blow, why we do the tests?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Mm.

[Jeff Dye]

Why are we doing the tests if.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You didn't blow into the breathalyzer?

[Jeff Dye]

I did blow in the breathalyzer.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Did.

[Jeff Dye]

And it was way over.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, it's way over. Way over. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Still eight hours later.

[Jeff Dye]

And so then. Yes, so then I had to go to the. Go to.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You didn't drink that morning?

[Jeff Dye]

No.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Really?

[Jeff Dye]

No. The night before? Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Really?

[Jeff Dye]

Yeah. And it was way over.

[Adam Carolla]

You were going ham the night before.

[Jeff Dye]

But my tolerance is so high. Like, people. And that isn't like a brag. Like, I'm the life of the party. When you. When you drinking whiskey, like a bottle of whiskey a night minimum, your tolerance can get pretty high, especially for a big guy. And so, yeah, it was just over. Also, here's the worst part. After I got out, it was the lowest moment of my life.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, yeah.

[Jeff Dye]

Never felt more humiliated.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

How long were you in the tank for?

[Jeff Dye]

15 hours.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Okay.

[Jeff Dye]

Also, like, I don't ever want to use the term PTSD loosely. I know you're really respect military and you're actually a fighter. I don't want to loosely use the word ptsd, but I had some low level PTSD getting out of jail. I'm not cut from that cloth. Like, like, when I got out, I was like, pretty like, buddy, any amount.

[Adam Carolla]

Of jail time is traumatic.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Jeff Dye]

I'm not like a fighter. Don't realize I'm like a smiley talk guy. And it really shook me. Like, I thought I was gonna get beat up. And then there was like a homeless guy in there that kept hitting his head on the glass until he would break open.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Wow.

[Jeff Dye]

The people that are in the jailers like that, they don't deal with things right away. And I'm going, I'm gonna. I'm in a cube with this guy. It was very, very scary. So anyways, I'm like, I gotta get. I gotta figure out the court issues, the DUI issues, the things. And then she goes on her podcast and talked about it. She shared photos, she talked about me like I was a loser with her co host, all these things. So now it's in the.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Do you. Sorry for doing this?

[Jeff Dye]

Yeah. Yeah. What's up?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I get mad at the people who are the enablers. Like, I'll have a podcast where someone will be talking shit about me, but the partner should be going, well, I know you're talking a lot of shit about the guy, but we are in the Studio he built you, right? He's gotta be so. But they just keep rolling. Like, my thing is like. Like, I'm not here to deny, but I am here to be the voice of the person who's not in the room and try to offer some defense for this person. Like, a lot of people go, this guy comes up, calls me a prick for no reason. No reason. Just walks by and go, no reason. Okay. I was blocking his garage with my car. You know, that's the comedian idiot. Okay, I want to know, though, because as your version of it is so slanted, so tilted and so one direction. I believe it's the job of the partner or the person that's in the room to be a little devil's advocate and go, well, look, here's what she'll say.

[Jeff Dye]

Here's what she'll say after this. She'll go, well, he showed up and he crashed his car. That's what kind of crazy person crashes his car and then comes to the date, right? She won't even call it a date. The coffee. Right? So, yeah, that is crazy. And probably worth telling the story on a podcast. Imagine showing up for your ex and your ex is just about. You haven't seen your ex for two years and then you show up and he gets arrested. Pretty interesting story. My argument to that is maybe wait a year or two. Do you need to tell it right away?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Welcome to content jail and you already.

[Jeff Dye]

Can'T wait to tell the content. And then the other part I'm gonna say that is where she crossed a line, was that she talked about me like I was the scum of the earth and not a person that was pretty nice to her. I've never wronged her in any way. I didn't deserve that. And then the other part was she shared photos of it of my crashed car that I had only sent her on her Instagram and her podcast. Then she goes, well, I didn't say your name. Give me a break. And then the other part I will say, that crossed a line is. Or not that crossed a line. You might say, well, who cares? You're being a baby about this. Let her do whatever she wanted. It's her podcast. It did happen to her. They used it in court against me.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, her discussion on the podcast, the.

[Jeff Dye]

State said, according to Kristin Cavallari's podcast, you smelled of alcohol. So she might think, oh, God, get over it. I haven't even talked to you for two years. I'm banging some 21 year old now. It broke my life open and crushed me so low that I questioned everything.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Love.

[Jeff Dye]

I questioned alcohol. And to her, it's nothing. That's a pretty big deal.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I think you're gonna have a renaissance. Not a renaissance. You're gonna have the last laugh now. Cause I had this.

[Jeff Dye]

Cause women age poorly.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah. I had a hot blonde do some version of this with me when I was a struggling comedian. Really had no business sort of slumming it with me, but I had the same feeling. Who was this? And I think she was with some other guys. But later on, once I got a little famous, I circled back. Now the shoe was on the other foot because she hadn't had much success. And then I then had a ton of success, and now I was in the driver's seat. It was good.

[Jeff Dye]

And I think that's what people think. I think they think, well, who cares? Who's Jeff Dye? I actually like Kristin Cavallari. She's hot and she has a great podcast and she's cool, and she's in the media eye, and she's in tmz. Who cares about this loser comedian who's an alcoholic? That's good. He could have killed someone. Just deserved. Blah, blah, blah. I've heard it all. I've read it all. But what we're forgetting is that I'm a person. I didn't deserve that at all.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Well, did you know? So this all popped in my head because I was watching TMZ last night and she was doing some TikTok things. I don't what in terms of the trends, you know, it's like, what's the trend this week? Eat one of those Tide pods.

[Jeff Dye]

I wish you would.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

All right, what do we got? Next week we're doing the cold dump challenge. We're gonna dump a bottle. What are we doing this week? We're talking about guys we fucked. It's like, do you have to go along with everyone? Maybe there's some you you could skip. I know it's something for 14 year.

[Jeff Dye]

Olds, but how do you stay relevant on TMZ? And tell your gay publicist, get me on things. Tell them I broke up. Oh, am I with this guy? And I'm gonna actually enjoy. Tell everyone that it was the best sex I ever had. Oh, now I'm going to Tahiti and I'm gonna be seen with an actor. If you don't have a talent, Adam, you have to constantly tell your publicist, how can I get in the news this week? Oh, did you see that? I did the TikTok. I did the TikTok thing. Oh, does that not work now? I'm a Kamala speaker?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

No, it is interesting.

[Jeff Dye]

We need to find a way to be relevant.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

But it also has. I'll show you the clip. It's.

[Jeff Dye]

I'd rather not see the clip.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You'd rather not see the clip? All right, I'll show you the clip.

[Adam Carolla]

We're just twisting the night bullshit.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

She slept with Jason Statham, I think was the thing.

[Jeff Dye]

Yeah, she did it, what, 10 years ago. Jason Statham's even like, who is talking about having sex with me?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

But can I say this about people and you tell me what you think?

[Jeff Dye]

Yeah, she's gonna use this, by the way, this is what's gonna be in the thing tomorrow, because she doesn't have a thing.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I know, but. So let's talk about how you would feel or like. Or how. Okay, so let's try to figure this out.

[Jeff Dye]

By the way, can I say this is the best conversation we've ever had together.

[Adam Carolla]

I like it.

[Jeff Dye]

I didn't have to talk about leaf blowers and pacoima. This has been a treat. I love you.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I love you. And I want to say this. You guys will both vibe for this for different reasons. I've always been good with my hands because I used to box and I box a lot. And I taught boxing and stuff like that. And I was always comfortable with people and guys and drunk guys and guys getting in my grill, invading my space and stuff like that. Mayhem knows. I grew up with these guys fucking. We fought every day. I didn't even care if someone punched me. I was fine. I felt scared. And then later on, I got into comedy and I would come into the room with the funny guys, and this guy's the best punch up guy in the industry. And this guy's this guy and that guy, that guy. And I was like, oh, I'm funnier than all these guys. I always, always felt that way. And it was based on, like, being funnier than they were, like, in the room, sort of fucking around on the radio, whatever it was. So I kind of was chill with stuff because I never felt like I was threatened or like some big dude was gonna fucking kick my ass or some guy was gonna come in and be 10 times funnier than me and show me up or whatever it was. But not possessing a skill. Yeah, like, there are comedians that aren't really funny, right? And they.

[Jeff Dye]

Boy, Jimmy crying on television. Pretty unfunny.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

But he is funny as a person. He is funny. And so he doesn't have that insecurity that you like. What if you really didn't feel like you were that funny? And what if you did really feel like you could kick anyone's ass and now you're walking around in some weird headspace where you're looking over your shoulder every time a guy comes down the sidewalk, you're, like, looking over, you're crossing the street. Or you wouldn't go on someone's podcast because you wouldn't. You feel like you'd be exposed or something like that. So if you're a male or female and you possess no discernible talent, like, we don't need you, you're not funny. You're not. You. You don't have a skill. You don't rattles you. You don't do MIG or tig welding. You don't do great custom auto body lacquer spray jobs or anything.

[Jeff Dye]

You just.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I think about these people all the time who walk through life sort of skill less. Like, I talk to Dr. Drew all the time. Dr. Drew is a physician. I mean, I'm a carpenter. I have a skill. You get a certain grounding and a kind of a certain confidence. Not an arrogance, but it's like, I possess this. You have a field of expertise. Drew has a field of expertise. You know, you get a black belt in taekwondo, you have a field. You come out with a comedy album. You have a field of expertise walking around scary. So many people with like, I work for the post office, and I'm good at nothing. You know, that's gotta be a weird position.

[Jeff Dye]

I tell my nieces I don't have kids. So, like, the only time I get to give advice to anyone is, like, some of these little girls, my nieces and my nephew. And I tell them, like, I'm always trying to encourage them, what are you good at? What's your thing? And the reason I say it is because, like, in school, I got to be the funny guy. I've known I'm the funny class clown guy, and I would fight for that position. When kids would start to get funny too. I say, hey, I'm the funny guy. You know, because that's. Once you know your thing, you do get that confidence, you kind of get that. I was like, okay, let the athlete guys be the athlete guys and really give them the credit. Wow, you lifted that bench press. And in the math class, let the math kid shine. And then that way we can all have our things that we shine in. And like you said, if you don't know and you're just kind of good at a bunch of stuff, and you're kind of.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You're not good at anything. Really. Yeah. I mean, and I think there's a lot of women, especially if they grow up hot, never had to learn a skill. Like, if you think about being a hot blonde, that's your job. I know you don't need any vocational training.

[Jeff Dye]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And it starts at age 14, 15. I mean, it doesn't start when you're 25. Society plucks you out about the ninth grade, labels you hot. Especially if you're a hot blonde. Especially if you're in this society. Maybe other more evolved societies wouldn't tolerate you just being a dingbat and not learning anything. Because it's funny. There's Canadian hot chicks and then there's Florida hot chicks. Florida hot chicks don't know shit. Canadian hot chicks are like, oh, yeah, I have a master's degree. It's like, why are you studying? It's like, why not in Canada?

[Jeff Dye]

Take your hot girlfriend to Spain. Watch how fast her confidence drops. Like, oh, boy.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

So you have to navigate this life where you don't really possess a viable, discernible, or tangible skill. And that has to give you a weird sense of insecurity because what you have to do is your skills is trying to be famous and not being famous. Seth MacFarlane's famous because he has a skill. But some of these hot chicks are famous for being hot and thus must resort to.

[Jeff Dye]

And also, what's the pursuit of fame? You have beautiful kids that you could be raising. You have this awesome home. You have a great company where you sell costume jewelry or whatever. Just live your life.

[Adam Carolla]

It's the hot chick industrial complex.

[Jeff Dye]

Every week to be in, like, this pursuit.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

She's got a bunch of sycophants.

[Adam Carolla]

You said the gay publicist. Everybody makes a boatload of money propping this hot chick.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yes.

[Jeff Dye]

So why she's surrounding herself with gay guys? Because they won't say no. They won't disagree. They're also. They're gonna go, but you're so beautiful. You're so hot. Like, he is a loser. And if we dated a week later, they'd be like, we've always liked him. We've always liked. They just support anything she does. They don't tell her, hey, stupid, maybe don't crush this guy's life. That's what a good friend would do. But instead it's just encourage the hot check. Because they don't have a paycheck or a podcast without her. And they know she's daddy. So it's the system of, like, just build up daddy, why won't she have a woman in her life? Why won't she have a woman friend? Because the woman friend's gonna compete or challenge. And so it's just surround yourself with a bunch of twinks who are just gonna agree with everything you say until the money runs out.

[Adam Carolla]

You went trial on that?

[Jeff Dye]

What's that?

[Adam Carolla]

You went to trial on that.

[Jeff Dye]

What does that mean?

[Adam Carolla]

Like, you went to a trial to, like, fight that dui?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Or did you just settle twink to dui?

[Brad Williams]

What do you mean?

[Adam Carolla]

I thought there was something like, you're. You're.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You're.

[Adam Carolla]

It's. You're lucky that you didn't have to go to trial on all this kind of thing.

[Jeff Dye]

I mean, in a way, it was. I mean, like, they were, like, determining my punishment, and they were trying to show how reckless I was because I'll take full responsibility. It was stupid, and I could have killed someone. I could have killed myself. It was literally the worst thing I've ever went through in my life. Life. But to have to be there and deal with all that was just. It was a lot.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I have another subject, but I think you'll be interested in. I talk all the time about the language and taking control of the language. The left wants to modify everything. And what they do is. They do a lot of. They'll take. It started a long time ago. I know. It's on Love Life in the 90s. I'd say, were you. Were you a rape victim? They go, rape survivor? And I'd go, well, what's the difference? And they'd go, I'm taking control of this thing because I'm a survivor. And they would say. I go, are you blind? They'd go, seeing impaired? I go, okay, well, that's confusing because there's, like, people that are seeing impaired who can drive a car during the daytime but not at night, so on and so forth. So I was very much like, what are they doing with the language? This is 25. More than 25 years ago. Why they want the language? Well, the language gets controlled because if you say, I'm against abortion, then you might be a decent person, but if you're against a woman's right to have reproduction rights over her body, then that makes you a bad guy. So everything is tweaking. And like I said, it was a legal alien, was in this country, was an illegal alien. And then it became like an undocumented alien. And whatever it is, they want to do.

[Jeff Dye]

Separating families.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Right.

[Jeff Dye]

That's just a catchphrase.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Right. They first have to label it as something that would be grotesque for you to oppose it. And then once they label that home. Look, homeless people should just be called stray junkies. If we called them drug addicts junkies who roam your streets sometimes possessing weapons like machetes, you'd go, we gotta do something about this fucking tomorrow. But if you call them the unhoused community.

[Jeff Dye]

Yes.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Then your answer is, well, get him a house.

[Jeff Dye]

Now you're a jerk.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

He's unhoused, Right? He needs a house.

[Jeff Dye]

100%. You're nailing it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

We're just calling him unhoused. He's a mental patient junkie with a.

[Jeff Dye]

Machete that's masked as virtuous. Which is the worst part.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Right. So what they do is they keep going, and then you become a bad person because you would like to take people who are illegal aliens in your country. By the way, would anyone make a case for Canada? If I said to the most progressive person, there's this American dude and he snuck across the border into Canada, and now he's living in Quebec, they'd go, well. Well, certainly Trudeau and Canada have the right to send him back to the United States. You go, that's some bullshit. And they'd go, no, it's Canada. You're not.

[Jeff Dye]

I can't just live in Australia without doing the paperwork.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

He's snuck into Canada. Yeah. Then they should go ahead and take back to cross Niagara Falls.

[Jeff Dye]

No one's against immigrants.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

No, I know, I know.

[Jeff Dye]

History's fine with immigrants. We're against illegal immigrants.

[Brad Williams]

Right.

[Jeff Dye]

There's a big difference.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

But there's all the verbiage, and then the verbiage makes them. Right. And AOC took the ca. I saw her over the weekend giving a speech. Because now Trump is talking about deporting. She's still a thing. She's not gonna be a thing for that much longer because she's got a little older and a little fatter, super.

[Jeff Dye]

Hot, and she's super wrong about everything.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Everything. But here, people talk, especially elected officials.

[Adam Ray]

About the issue of undocumented Americans.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

All right, pause.

[Jeff Dye]

Undocumented Americans.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

These are Americans.

[Jeff Dye]

They're not Americans.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Well, so everyone from El Salvador and Guatemala is an American the second they set foot in San Diego. They're not across the Rio.

[Jeff Dye]

They're not American. They're documented undocumented American.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Sounds like your Uncle Phil lost his driver's license at the airport and AOC wants to get him a second Duplicate license, so. And also, you would be the worst person in the world if you wanted to take. Take the army and train it on undocumented Americans.

[Jeff Dye]

Yeah, but.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

But we'll listen to the rest of her speech because it's perfect. It's perfect.

[Adam Ray]

Americans.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

One thing that we can say is that we agree being undocumented is a.

[Adam Ray]

Problem, but our solution, instead of turning.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

The military on our own people, is to document them.

[Adam Ray]

To document the undocumented.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Pretty simple. Pretty simple. They're undocumented. And now we have. There may have been a flood or fire and they lost their documents.

[Jeff Dye]

Bad ideas are super simple.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

But they're Americans, and they're. But see, the verbiage is, once we agree on undocumented Americans, then I have an idea. Let's just get them documents, and we could get on with our lives.

[Adam Carolla]

Did she misspeak, or was that like.

[Brad Williams]

Is that a new calculated.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That's how she thinks. There's like, 15 million people here from other poor countries, and her deal is, let's get them a slip of paper and solve the problem.

[Jeff Dye]

We are green. You're like, we're not agreeing, Right? I think that I've noticed it. I read a book about this, that it's been happening for the last 30 years, but I've just noticed it. They'll intentionally label things. This is Black Lives Matter. Because if you disagree with what's happening, then it sounds like you're suggesting that black lives don't matter. Oh, anti fascist. Who is anti fascism? We all are. But now you have to make. They play these word games, right? So someone will say a thing to you and go, that's just like Marxism. And they're like, whoa. Well, it's not real Marxism. Or, oh, we've tried communism. They go, well, they didn't try the type of communism that we're talking. They don't want to. Finite rules, right? I have, like, a Muslim friend who's like, just super, like, pro, gay, pro, all this stuff. And I'm going, but I thought Muslims and they. That sounds like your understanding of Muslims is. And you go, well, if we just don't have a definition or words for any of these things, and we're just gonna play around with it manipulatively, we're never gonna agree on anything.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Agreed. Well, we can agree on never agreeing on anything. All right, we take a break. Mayhem's got some news.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I do.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And we're gonna hang out and do that right after this. Hey, I'm Adam Krall. That's Brad Williams and Jay Leno. Hey everybody over there. We're doing our third annual comedy fantasy camp. That's gon be January 23rd through the 26th, right? In Hollywood, California. Where else would it be? These guys are going to be there. Remember, two out of every three comics make it big or one and a half.

[Jeff Dye]

Do I get paid for this? Please tell me get paid for this.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Go to comedy fantasy camp.com and get in on the fun. Well, it's the best time of the year to get some home security going and that's where Simplisafe comes in. They're giving my listeners early access to the Black Friday sale. That's right, you get in early. Ground floor. Simplisafe's new active guard, Outdoor protection. Changes the game by preventing crime before it happens. Right? You don't want to get a busted window, someone in the house, then you find out. Now this nips it in the butt if someone's lurking around and acting suspicious. Agents see them in real time, talk to them directly, set off a spotlight, even call the police. No long term contracts. And by the way, I think they use AI to recognize the friendly neighbor or the person that's walking their dog. No long term lock in contracts, cancellation fees. It's around a buck a day. That's not much to spend for security this week. Well, you can take 60% off any new system with the select professional monitoring plan. It's their best offer of the year and it's all for you. It's Simplisafe. Right? Dawson, head to simplisafe.com adam to claim your discount and make sure your home.

[Brad Williams]

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[Jason Mayhem Miller]

This offer won't last long.

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[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Peace of mind protected with Simplisafe.

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There's no safe like Simplisafe.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

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[Adam Ray]

Have you met All Modern? All Modern brings you the best of modern furniture and decor, and right now through November 20th, you'll score up to 50% off during their Early Access to Black Friday sale. Simplify your holiday entertaining with deals on plush sofas, modern tabletop essentials, and more. All on sale at All Modern. Then get them delivered for free in days. You heard that, right? Days. That's modern made simple. Shop All Modern's early access to Black Friday sale now through November 20th at allmodern.com Cascade Natural Gas believes a warm.

[Jeff Dye]

Home, hot water and natural gas energy.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Should be available to everyone.

[Jeff Dye]

That's why Cascade established the Oregon Low Income Bill Assistance and Energy Discount Programs. These programs provide income qualified applicants a discount on their monthly bill and, if needed, help with past due balances. Qualifying for assistance is easy by calling Cascade or any of our partner community action agencies. Get complete bill assistance [e-mail] help you guys feel like the world's gone crazy, though? Yeah, it feels like the world's gone crazy for sure. Even my friend. My friends on the left? Banana pancakes. Seriously, they're crazy. They're crazy people. And my friends on the right? Pretty crazy too. It's true. One side's running around going, oh yeah what, what is gender? My friends on the right, they're just all in different level of weird. Buddy Josh is like, Taylor Swift is a robot made by the Fed, sent by the Biden administration. Like, what the fuck's happening?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Jeff Dye is on the Adam Corolla show. Jeff Dyes got a standup special, Last Cowboy in LA. It's available now as we speak on YouTube. And I'll give his website, Jeff dye d y e dot com for dates. Mayhem. We got some news.

[Adam Carolla]

Got some news of Fox News. Host Pete Hegseth has said on air he has not washed his hands for 10 years because germs are not a real thing.

[Brad Williams]

As I told you, my 2019 resolution is to say things on air that.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I say off air.

[Brad Williams]

I don't think I've washed my hands for 10 years.

[Jeff Dye]

Really?

[Brad Williams]

I don't, I don't really wash my hands.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

No.

[Brad Williams]

I inoculate myself.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Germs are not a real thing.

[Jeff Dye]

I can't see them, therefore they're not real.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

So you're becoming immune to all of the.

[Jeff Dye]

All the bad. Exactly.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I can't get sick. No, he's right. He's 100% right. He's 100% right.

[Jeff Dye]

Well, I'm glad he's not my physician, I'll tell you that.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yes, yes. And you can wash your hands, but the over cleanliness thing is an issue. It leaves you vulnerable. It hurts your immune system. And the thing I realize when they're taking Pete out, because the plan now is going to be everyone on the left is going to turn these people into crazy people and they're gonna give you their version of these people and they're gonna do what Chris and Cavallari did to you on the podcast. They're gonna give you their version of it. As a matter of fact, Joe, I didn't prompt you on this, but I think at the end of 60 minutes last week, they did a one minute sort of synopsis of who everyone was and what they do is they, you know, so Kennedy, RFK Jr. Is not a sort of decorated attorney who's won many cases against Monsanto and other polluters and stuff. He's an anti vaxxer. There are no other credentials. Like if somebody said, who's Adam Carolla? All that guy does, as far as I can tell, is talk shit about Christian Cavallari. I don't know anything else that guy's done. He just talked shit about Christian Cavallari. So you could do that. But now if you're being for Me, you could go, well, he's a New York Times bestselling author and he's created a lot of TV shows and had a lot of success and talk shit about Chris and Cavalier. But if you just go, talk shit about Chris and Cavalier, they go, well, what's that guy doing trying to host this show or do that show, right? So that's kind of what they. Which is what?

[Jeff Dye]

The left was just people who talk trash about Trump. You want to know how you lose an election, don't tell us anything except obsess about Trump.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

So what I realized is now my lot in life is people say stuff about other people and I kind of agree with those people. And it happens all the time. It's a chick thing. When my ex wife's friend once was like, I'll never forget where I was, she was like. It was when Matt Damon got into trouble for saying, look, there's a difference between what Harvey Weinstein did and what Al Franken did. And she was like, in my living room, she goes, matt Damon, just shut up. And I was like, what do you mean? I agree 1,000%. You get a good point, 1,000%. What are you talking about? Just shut up. And I realized I disagree with stuff people are yelling about. Don't wash your hands. Do not use Perel. Help your immune system. And then I realized it's not just Pete Hexith, it's RFK Jr. Was a big thing a year ago when he's walking through an airplane and went to the bathroom barefoot.

[Jeff Dye]

No, I love it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

He was barefoot in the airplane and everyone was going nuts. They were like, he went to the bathroom barefoot because he understands that he eats roadkill and shit. Like he understands you gotta get in the mud, you gotta wrestle around. That's him, right? And the thing that's always funny about our piece of shit society is like, Michael Moore probably thinks that RFK Jr is nuts. Except for Michael Moore's a gelatinous blob of bullshit who's 10 years younger than this guy who can bench 300 pounds.

[Jeff Dye]

Look at his body.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Never fucking sick a day in his life. And we're going, what's he doing, man? What's he. Well, whatever the fuck he's doing, you should start doing it too. Cause he's about the most fit 68, 69 year old I've ever seen.

[Jeff Dye]

But even that, even that kind of that little thing calling him an anti vaxxer goes back to the language thing, right? It's like there's some vaccines that are Great. You know, if you want to go to Africa. When I went to Morocco, I had to take a bunch of vaccines. Or I didn't have to, but I did because they were the medically. You could show me the science on that. Just because he realized that Covid was a couple doesn't mean that he's an anti vaxxer.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I agree. And he. And by the way, Kennedy, I liked even more this. A year ago once he. Everyone made fun of him walking through the airplane into the bathroom barefoot, which I fucking love. Later on, he made a video from the airport addressing it, and they panned down. He was barefoot in the airport. I think this is it, right? He's telling everyone to suck his dick, which I love. Hey, Harvey and all the gang at tmz. I want to thank you for all.

[Jeff Dye]

You do to keep politicians honest and.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Make sure that they comply with all the norms of our society. And even for me, for calling me out on going barefoot on an airplane. That was inexcusable. And I can assure you that will never happen again. And he's barefoot. I saw that and I was like, I like this guy.

[Jeff Dye]

I like Harvey, too. You think Harvey cares? Harvey's like, hey, give me more content.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, yeah.

[Jeff Dye]

Harvey just. It wasn't like Harvey was like, let's go rfk. He just. He has the giant news network.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

So I realize if you walk into an airplane bathroom barefoot, you think how I think about germs. You don't forget to put your shoes on. No chick I know would ever go barefoot in the youth. Think I gotta be exposed to germs. If you're pulling up a bear from the road and throwing it on the roof of your car so you're not. When you get home, you think how I think about germs, and that's why that guy is strong. So now we got two Cabinet appointees that don't care about germs. Got Pete and RFK Jr. I think we have that 60 minutes clip they found, which is funny. I always like also when they go, this guy's got no experience working in government, it's like, that's the plan.

[Jeff Dye]

That's what we want.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That's the plan, dude. This past week, Republicans won the House majority and President elect Trump made nominations to his Cabinet. Some nominees appear to have no compelling qualifications other than loyalty to Trump. The nominees are Senator Marco Rubio for Secretary of State, Pete Hegseth to lead the 3 million people of the Department of Defense. He's a combat veteran, most recently a morning show host.

[Brad Williams]

On Fox News.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

With no government experience. Former Congressman Matt Gaetz for attorney general in charge of law enforcement. Gaetz has been investigated by Republicans for alleged drug use and sex with a minor. Gaetz denies those allegations. Former Congresswoman Tulsi Gabbard for Director of National Intelligence. She sought a pardon for Edward Snowden, who leaked U.S. secrets and now lives in Russia. And Robert Kennedy Jr. For secretary of Health and Human Services. A skeptic of vaccinations. It's up to the new Republican majority. And there's Adam Carolla, who hates Christine.

[Jeff Dye]

Rfk we killed his brother.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That's right. Yeah. He doesn't like the outfit that killed his brother. Well, there you go. That's all. They're all just friends with Trump.

[Adam Carolla]

It was a dark and ominous foreboding type clip right there. It was very strange how they framed that.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It seems to me that Tulsi Gabbard was in the military, but I think they just forgot about that part. She's just friends with Russia.

[Jeff Dye]

Chelsea's really, really liberal. She's hardly a Republican. We should be villainizing.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I've interviewed her. She's very bright, very sharp.

[Jeff Dye]

She's so reasonable. And like, even the farthest left people should be like, well, Tulsi Gabbard's great.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

They're still trying to do this Russia thing with her.

[Jeff Dye]

I know.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Which is awesome. They never get tired of the Russia thing.

[Adam Ray]

Have you met All Modern? All Modern brings you the best of modern furniture and decor. And right now through November 20th, you'll score up to 50% off during their early access to Black Friday sale. Simplify your holiday entertaining with deals on plush sofas, modern tabletop essentials and more. All on sale at All Modern. Then get them delivered for free in days. You heard that right. Days. That's modern made simple. Shop All Modern's early access to Black Friday sale now through November [e-mail] been sitting a while.

[Jeff Dye]

Maybe it's time to go for a.

[Brad Williams]

Quick walk around the block.

[Adam Ray]

Walk, skip, sprint, sashay. Whatever gets you up and moving. A little exercise can make a big difference.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

This healthy suggestion is brought to you.

[Adam Ray]

By Regents Blue Cross Blue Shield of Oregon. Together we help.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

All right. Sorry. Mayhem.

[Adam Carolla]

Nah, no stress. I love you guys kicking it. Crack of wise. Two Missouri officers ask women for their phones, then stole nude images. Authorities say. Yeah, a former Missouri police officer and a former Missouri state highway patrolled separate case. Both men indicted. Look, the long and short of it is they took the ladies phones during traffic stops, stole pornographic movies off of more and one, it was a movie. Some were nude images of them and other people that they had on the phone and sent it to their own personal cell phone. One of them got smart and like, triggered an investigation. And yeah, she realized, wait a minute, someone deleted a message that sent to a number that I don't know and found out this guy was sending her news to his phone. Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

How it seems like it should be more difficult to just rip porn, custom porn off the phone. But also, here's what I was thinking about. We are now in an era where every young, attractive woman at some point is going to have pictures of her, at least in a bikini. Probably more than a bikini, more than less than a bikini. And possibly footage of her in action. Sure. And we're no longer gonna have to do that thing that I'm old. And so I grew up in an era where people like, you know, your grandmother back in the day was quite the looker. Here's a drawing. Here's a charcoal drawing of your grandmother. 22. All the fellas in the town she lived in. Oh, they all came according. And you're kind of looking at her and she's kind of pear shaped and has a hook nose. You're like, really? Nana was good. Oh, all the boys. We no longer have to take people's word for it. We're going to see actual footage of them. Let's say, guys, she was hot, good. Let's see her ride this dude's back.

[Adam Carolla]

Look back at your grandma's only fans.

[Jeff Dye]

I've had girls in my DMs be like, want to watch me suck? You know? And I'm like, wait, that would be someone else's.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Twice ask.

[Jeff Dye]

I guess I'll see it. But this is weird.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

They would ask, what's that? They would ask if you would like to see them blow another guy.

[Jeff Dye]

Yeah, because they'll send like pictures and stuff. And then I'll, you know, I'll be like, wow, this is hot. Or like whatever you're saying during message back. And then she'll be like, I'll send you a video of me, like in action. Basically, I'm going, but that'd be some other guy with you. I have to just kind of go, agree.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, look around the penis. Exactly.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Jeff Dye]

Well, you like? Good for this guy.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah. So they're showing you game footage.

[Jeff Dye]

Yeah, well, sometimes I was just saying, like, it's happened.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It's happened.

[Jeff Dye]

Yeah, it's happened.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

There used to be. Now I'm old, but used to rent VHS porn movies, right? VHS, rent, and in the back, they had those 1, 800 numbers and they'll call me. There were phone sex advertisements. And one of them, I always burning my soul because the chick was blowing a guy. And in the middle, like, went, oh, there you are. Hey, you want to talk, call. Oh, I'll be waiting on the other line, you know, and it's like, well, yeah, but what about this guy?

[Jeff Dye]

What is happening over there?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

This guy? It didn't make sense. Even in my mind. I was like, you're blowing. Clearly you're in a committed relationship and you want to talk to me. And then what about the guy who's getting blown? He's like, who are you talking to?

[Jeff Dye]

Yeah, what's going on?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You're telling some guy to call you.

[Jeff Dye]

Don't take a call.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

What's this camera tripod doing in our bedroom?

[Jeff Dye]

These gals love multitasking. They really do.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, I felt the same way.

[Jeff Dye]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Do not ask me when you're blowing this guy to call you.

[Jeff Dye]

And also, I am aware that women, especially modern women, are having.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yes.

[Jeff Dye]

Fun and multiple. I just, you know, have a little couth. You don't have to, you know.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And also, do you really want me critiquing your technique? You know what I mean?

[Jeff Dye]

Let me find out, you know, once we're in it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, yeah, let's. A little less history and a little more mystery.

[Jeff Dye]

Yeah, I like to show all your cards.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, the cops totally figured this out. Like, I don't know. This just lets me know, like, how many more cops have done this. Because if they take your phone, which you should never let it go and, you know, never let it go to a cop, you can just do whatever he wants. And, yeah, this has happened quite a bit.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I think the excuse with the cops now is they want to know if you were texting.

[Jeff Dye]

Oh, while driving.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I think so, yeah. I mean, if you were texting and you got pulled over five minutes later, your phone would know. I think they would know via your phone whether you were texting and driving.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but, like, the thing is, you're supposed to make them do an investigation. You're supposed to never talk to the cops at all with your thing with the cops. Yeah, Like, I don't know. I'm. I have a different background. I don't talk to the cops at all. I don't blow in that thing. Nope, nope. Make me. You can't make me. I live under san license for a year, but it's suspicious of dui.

[Jeff Dye]

I live under the. Like, maybe if I get along with these boys.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, it doesn't work that way. No, no, you're. It's an adversarial system. The minute they show up, you're against.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Them unless you did the man show and they like you.

[Adam Carolla]

That's true. That might be true, but Bully Beatdown wasn't that big a hit.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

All right, what else?

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, next up, bro, breaking news. The Trump dance takes the sports world by storm.

[Jeff Dye]

Nice.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm sure we got footage, huh? Man, there's an end. This past weekend, Jon Jones did the Trump dance. You know, it wasn't bad. I think it was a pretty good version of the Trump dance. And football weekend, everybody was busting the Trump dance.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

It's just a whole new era of Trump dancing.

[Jeff Dye]

The night after the election, I played the Irvine Improv in Orange County. I did the Trump dance right as I came out.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's what I'm talking about, bud.

[Jeff Dye]

The night is first set after the election, the Wi Fi. But I went up there, did the. I did a bad version of it. After I watched my dance, I go.

[Adam Carolla]

I know. I think these guys are doing a terrible version.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

They're not doing the right thing.

[Adam Carolla]

They're not doing the right. The right version is upstairs. Yeah, there you go.

[Jeff Dye]

Upstairs, Out a little bit.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, exactly. Ymca.

[Jeff Dye]

It is strange that, like, how I was at the day of the election, before it was determined, I was at Marmalade, little cute brunch spot with three of my buddies. And two of them had Trump hats on. They had MAGA hats on. And a woman that was across from US City, Sherman Oaks.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, wow.

[Jeff Dye]

And she was. There was a woman that was looking at them, mouth agape. She couldn't believe the gall on these boys to wear a MAGA hat while she was wearing a Harris Walls shirt. But in her mind, they are monsters for wearing that hat. It's like you're both wearing political propaganda. You're both wearing the politician thing.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

The problem is, if you're going to veer into a sort of morality lane about Hitlerian and stuff like that, then in their mind, that's always gonna take a front seat to policy. Because if you're really talking about what they're talking about, and if you believe it now, most of them don't believe it. You know, Morning Joe and Minka wouldn't go to Mar A Lago and have brunch. They believed it. Now, here's how you know they're liars 100% because everyone's going, well, it's Morning Joe and Minka going and hanging, breaking bread with Trump. That three years of talking shit or nine years of Hitler. That's a pretty big thing to call someone, right? So here's how you know they're lying. If they believed that he was Hitler when they met him for breakfast, they would have an attache case with C4 in it and they would blow up Hitler 100% at his lair. But they wouldn't go there and eat quiche with Hitler. So would be a pretty good name for a comedy special. Eden Kish. But they're lying now. Their subjects believe them. They don't believe it. So who you saw at Marmalade Cafe in Sherman Oaks was a subject of an elite.

[Jeff Dye]

Liar.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

They don't believe it. None of the elites. Look, Obama doesn't believe it. Biden doesn't believe it. Kamala Harrison, none of those people believe it. But the dumb chick from Sherman Oaks does buy into it. And so in her world, you're supporting a Hitlerian monster, which is crazy to me, which would trump any policy, because in the face of a Hitlerian takeover, why are we even talking about, like, some in Nazi Germany or in Poland when Hitler invaded, what was the corporate tax rate at the time? And everyone goes, well, who the fuck cares?

[Jeff Dye]

What are you talking about?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

He was making ovens and putting juice in it. But what was the corporate tax rate? I don't know. Nobody knows.

[Brad Williams]

Nobody cared.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

So if he was that, then your friend is right from the Marmalade Cafe. But we know they weren't. And so it becomes a weird thing where. Where it's like, that person. That person's life will probably improve under Trump because they'll be in a safer environment with less. If that person owns a business, they'll be in better shape because of Trump. California will have less illegals camping in front of her house or business or whatever it is. But that person is almost like. Like a dog that you take to the vet. And the dog is struggling, you know, and you're like, trying to hold the dog and you're giving them an injection and the dog is squirming. It's like for your own good. And the dog thinks he's going somewhere weird and being stabbed.

[Jeff Dye]

It's unreal. Trump could sneeze and people go, do.

[Brad Williams]

See how he sneezed?

[Jeff Dye]

Like, I've never in my life. I've never seen. And we've had a lot of presidents since I've been alive, I've never. I was living in Seattle when George W. Bush was in office. I Didn't think it could get more hateful towards. Towards a political leader. Trump is the most. Like, people can't. He can't do anything.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, put myself in there now. Well, put myself in their shoes. What would it take for either of you guys to think, oh, wow, this guy is like Hitler? What do you have to, like, Hitler? Start locking people up and. Because he threatened their whole argument, Hitler. Well, their whole argument, the biggest president.

[Jeff Dye]

In the world isn't Hitler.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Their whole argument is that he's gonna lock up his dissenters and he's gonna lock up the Democrats.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

They're saying that, well, he would have to start doing one tenth of what they say he's gonna do. Now, 100%, that would be Hitler. If he did a very small percentage of what they say he's going to do, I would start thinking of him that way. But he's not. What he's gonna do is stuff that they're gonna spin like kids in cages and things like that.

[Jeff Dye]

Right. When Obama deported more Mexicans than anybody in the history of America.

[Adam Carolla]

So if you would lock up some senators or something like that, then you'd be like.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

If he, like, let's put to you this way. If some senator, like, let's just say there's a January 6th committee. Right?

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I'm saying.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Right. And so then you got Liz Cheney, and then there's a bunch of stuff that's kind of fishy, like all their logs have been destroyed. You know, they don't have any of the. They scrubbed all their computers. All right, That's a little bit of destroying evidence, so to speak. But if it came out. Look, if there was an email that said, I, Anthony Fauci, know that Covid is a hoax, but I'm being paid a ton from Pfizer to lock people in their house, then I'd go, he can go to prison. He can go to prison. And that's not you turning the military on your enemies or whatever. That is a rogue American who did something illegal. So if that is the case, then I'm fine with that. The question is, they won't.

[Jeff Dye]

They'll say, who would send that email? That must have been a fake email.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You don't. If you do that in the face of no evidence or little evidence, then no. So we'll see. It's not gonna happen.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That's. That's all.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, that's the thing that scared. They got to me. They got to me with all this. Oh, he's gonna lock up his opponents. I'm like, oh, yeah, that sounds like Hitlerian.

[Jeff Dye]

I drank all the Kool aid on that 10 years ago. But then, not now. And when I say 10 years ago, I mean, that's when, like when I was a very like, liberal guy and I was like, oh, when liberals were normal. That and I haven't changed any of my positions. I'm a 2001 liberal. Yeah, changed nothing. But it's now it's all like, because they have to grow. So it isn't just gay rights and gay marriage now. It's puberty blockers and cut your wieners off now. It's not let's not go to war now. It's choose a side in the war and warmonger it. Like, we don't. They're not liberals anymore. They're literally psychos who trust the government.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It's exactly right. I'm liberal.

[Jeff Dye]

You trust the government. My parents in Seattle would say, jeff, we don't trust Big Pharma. And now I'm a dumb hick because I don't trust Pfizer and Johnson and Johnson.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

My mom would have said the same.

[Jeff Dye]

It's insane.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

All right, let me give a plug to Jeff Dyko's. Adam Ray is here.

[Jeff Dye]

All right.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

He's got a special.

[Jeff Dye]

He's the best.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Love that guy. Last cowboy in la. Jeff, always great to see you.

[Jeff Dye]

Thanks for having me. Appreciate you guys, man. Good to see you, brother.

[Adam Carolla]

God bless.

[Jeff Dye]

Good to see Joe, baby.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And we'll take a break and we'll bring in Adam Ray right after this. Bioptimizers. Magnesium breakthrough. Well, well, you know, if you're getting enough magnesium because four out of five Americans aren't. And that affects your sleep and your mood and all the other things you need. And then your sleep affects your mood. So it becomes a vicious cycle. Since I added Magnesium Breakthrough to my nightly routine, I fall asleep with no problem and I wake up refreshed. Other magnesium supplements might give you one or two forms of magnesium. Magnesium Breakthrough contains all seven forms of magnesium. All bioptimizer supplements are best in class and you can get a full refund if you don't love it, no questions asked, and if you disagree, they offer a 365 day money back guarantee. So that's a company that's pretty confident in its product. It's not a 10 day trial exchange. It is a 365 day money back guarantee. I take it every night before I go to bed. It's a game changer. Buy optimizers Am I right, Dawson? Don't miss out on the most relaxing sleep with Magnesium Breakthrough. For an exclusive offer, go to buyoptimizers.com Adam and use promo code Adam during checkout to save 10%. And if you subscribe, not only will you get amazing discounts and free gifts, you will make sure your monthly supply is guaranteed.

[Adam Ray]

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[Jeff Dye]

I love free. And I love Jersey Shore.

[Adam Ray]

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Jeff Dye]

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[Adam Ray]

Oh, Forrest Gump. Come on, Criminal minds.

[Jeff Dye]

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[Adam Ray]

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[Jeff Dye]

Pluto TV stream now pay never.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

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[Adam Ray]

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[Brad Williams]

Damage is no joke. Did you know that water damage makes up more than 25% of all home insurance claims? And the average claim costs over $13,000? Don't let a small leak turn into a big expense. Learn more at go.pemco.com Nojoke Pemcomutual Insurance Company, Seattle, WA. I like being a comedian smoking pop. People don't chastise you for that behavior. There are jobs where you get in trouble. Shakar Richardson, the Olympic marathon runner, got kicked out of the Summer games for smoking weed. They told her, it's a performance enhancing drug. You can't smoke pot. Shakari. It's a performance enhancing drug. No weed for you. Shakari. It's a performance enhancer. I was like, okay, Olympic committee, who's never done drugs before? Do you not know how weed works? I've smoked a lot of pot in my day. I've never been so high that anyone in my life has ever been like, dude, Adam, slow down.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Adam Ray is on the Adam Corolla show. The special. The Dr. Phil special. Adam Ray.

[Brad Williams]

We did it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Is Dr. Phil Unleashed available on Netflix. Good to see. Congratulations.

[Brad Williams]

Thanks, brother. Yeah, wild. Been doing the show a year.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah. Thank you. Very cool.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Very proud of it.

[Brad Williams]

Hope you guys watch.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It's great. I had the opportunity to do the live show at the Comedy Store. Had a great time. It's, you know, it's a kind of thing that, I don't know, you might not think would be a great subject for comedy. I mean, you do Dr. Phil. He's funny. Funny Dr. Phil, but that seems good for three minute bed. Totally in.

[Brad Williams]

Some people probably still argue that.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

No, no, you pulled it off. And then we're in a renaissance where there are no rules anymore. It's just what is funny.

[Brad Williams]

That's a great way to put it. I also think there is no, this country is great for like, hey, man, if you think you can fucking go for it, the only thing stopping you really is you. Obviously, if you're trying to be the best painter of all time and you have no arms and legs, there's probably other things stopping you. If you want to be the best porn star and you, you know, you.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Have arms or legs.

[Brad Williams]

Don't have arms or legs in a two inch. There's probably. Yeah, God was like, this isn't your plan. Right, right. But yeah, I think that you're right. People at the end of the day want funny. And I think it's also as much as people keep going like, oh, man. So did you pick, like, what funny talk show host would be the person to impersonate? I'm like, no, it happened in such a, you know, organic way. But really what I get, I guess not defensive, but, you know, confident in, is the fact that it's an accumulation. The show is of all the things I've been doing for 17 years. Right, right. Which is like, you know, because when people, like, can you believe that it's, like, popular? I'm like, no, I can't. Because there's no, like, you said, rule book. And there's also no blueprint to this business. There's no, you do this and then this happens. But what I do know is that if you spend a long time working at a bunch of things like I've done as far as, like, you know, over 10,000 hours of podcasting and, and character stuff and standup and crowd work, and that's all the show is. It's like all these tools that I've been honing and then just put it in a way that, that people, I guess, dig. And it just so happens that it's an abrasive yet likable talk show host that everybody knows a little bit about. Right. Like, even myself. I don't think I'd seen a full Phil episode when I started doing the impression, but I'd seen enough out there, enough clips, enough, you know, banter, enough, like, you know, there's two sides to a pancake. You know, I didn't come 90% of the way to get 10% of the information. If you lick a calf, you know, whatever he. Whatever he says, you just go, yeah. Everything sounds like a. Like a thing that he would say. Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I gotta say that I think. Sorry, May Hamill no chamber, but you can ask it right after this. I gotta say that I think your portrayal of Dr. Phil has come at a perfect time for a Dr. Phil renaissance, which I feel like he's having, because I used to think of Dr. Phil like the white Steve Harvey.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah. Big, great way to.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Big mustache, bald. No one really knew what they did. Sure. You know what I mean? Like, they seem to be everywhere, but no one ever went. Do you see that thing Steve Harvey said about, like, it was just Steve Harvey?

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And I used to think of him as our version, the white man's version of Steve Harvey. And then as of late, like, recently, he's broken off. He's doing interesting interviews. He's had really thought provoking conversations. So I'm like, oh, there's a lot more to Steve. Sorry, Dr. Phil. There's a lot more to him than this. And as you're doing him, he's getting deeper and more interesting.

[Brad Williams]

Totally. Yeah. I mean, Steve Harvey had his fuck up on the Miss America thing. He was doing his talk show. He's being really funny on Feud. So there. And he's a comedian, so there's like, he has all these avenues that make sense for what he started doing. Phil is, you know what? There's one show where it's like, you're hermaphrodite with a PhD. Hold that thought. We'll be right back. Or, you know, I've got two Siamese twins fighting over the same guy. You know, a cokehead child with a marijuana mom, drug dealer. There's just he. He's a little bit more serious, I guess, in tone with, like, his subject matter.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

But how did you get him to participate in the special?

[Brad Williams]

So his son hit me up on Instagram. I think that was probably always, always a fantasy. I think probably, you know, we've been doing the live show at the Comedy Store for just about a year. And I'd say probably in April or May, people start being, you got to get real Phil on. And it was just like, oh, yeah, that'd be the dream. And then I got guest of the year on Kill Tony, and they gave me an award that Dr. Phil presented to me at the arena show in Austin. So that's the first time that I was like, oh, he's seen it. And I guess I'm getting the stamp of approval because Tony was like, Dr. Phil, turn around and we got a.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Little surprise for you.

[Brad Williams]

And a big screen at the HEB arena in Austin played a video of Phil being like, it's with great pleasure and confusion that I give the Kill Tony Guest of the Year to Adam ray as D. Dr. Phil. And then he pauses and goes, wait, what kind of pain? And he's like, I wish I could be there, but I was eating an apple. And then he kind of gives me the award and says, congrats, and. And whatever. And then I didn't, you know, hit him up, but then his son hit me up and was like, my dad loves your. We should get him on the show. And it just took a minute of. Just a lot of, you know, like, you guys know when you're trying to either book up a show or just be active without being a nuisance. And finally we got a date that worked. And then Netflix came in pretty quick and pretty late, and we got got. We got it figured out in a short amount of time. But, you know, having him on was. I didn't talk to him up until about. I think I FaceTime with him an hour before the show when I was in the makeup chair and. And kind of gave him the rundown of, like, all right, the show's unscripted. Everything's just a big playground. I don't want you to have to prep anything. But I do want to hit a few beats as far as, like, this is a special moment. It's a year into the show. It's, like, kind of going to be a big pop because. Because it wouldn't have made sense if we did it two shows in because right. There was no build. The show has gotten. I mean, we're doing these theater shows now. We just did the Beacon in New York on Friday.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Wow.

[Brad Williams]

For 3,000 people.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Wow.

[Brad Williams]

Sold out four months ago.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Wow.

[Brad Williams]

We had Jessica Kirsten Godfrey. I posted a clip of it. If you can pull up the clip of my Instagram. Jason Biggs came and the Goo Goo Dolls and my buddy Jeremiah Watkins, who's a comedian who plays a different character every show. He did Rocky. We were in Philly at the theater there at the Miller Theater. He did RFK two shows ago, and on this show, he played the Pie. And Jason Biggs and the Pie reunited. And Johnny Resnick came out and played. And I'd give up forever while they fucked on a bed. And if you have the clip of my Instagram, it's about two and a half minutes. It's wild. And, yeah, anyway, so, like, it's great.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

When you hit a zeitgeist saturation point where people start coming out and being attracted.

[Brad Williams]

The energy. Me, I was always so trepidatious about doing it in theaters because I was like, oh, man, it's like, maybe not going to translate because the store is so intimate. The energy. I'm gonna fly you out to one. You have to do it. That. It's wild, dude.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It's.

[Brad Williams]

As my wife's friend said. She goes. It feels cultish because they're so excited when I come out and the show is so fun. And so, again, no real map or no real. Nothing scripted, but I have a map. And we always go, you know, like, we. We. We beat it out the pie, you know, the curtain comes up and reveals a fireplace in the bed. When Johnny comes out playing, you know, singing, and he has a guitarist and Jason and Jeremiah walk to the bed, and we like. Like, it was a high school production, ran through all the beats. But with Phil, I was like, dude, when I come out, I'm gonna say, I don't like your attitude to somebody in the crowd. You come out, reveal yourself. They're gonna go nuts. As they did. We had the phones locked up. He grabs the mic after his applause dies down and goes, you know, I don't. Dude. And then we get into it and. And I go, who are you? And he goes, who the fuck are. He goes, who am I, bitch?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Who are you?

[Brad Williams]

And then we do a little mirror thing. And then. And then we get into chatting. So the chatting part, as you know, is just all off the cuff, which is, I think, what's really fun about it, right?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It's.

[Brad Williams]

It's. You know, and then we did a game at the end, you know, but here.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Here's the way I think I would describe it in that when you're dealing with sort of skilled and seasoned performers, especially comedians, like wrestlers, they don't. Back in the day or even now, professional wrestling, they don't go choreograph every single move. They've both done it so much that they know what this person's coming at them with, and they agree to some of the beats. And then in between the beats, they know because they're seasoned, you know, And I think when you have people with a lot of improv experience, a lot of stage time, a lot of standup experience experience, you can go up there and you can know where people are going, and then also you can hit the beats. Not every piece of dialogue unnecessary because you have funny People with a lot of 10,000 hours worth of rest.

[Brad Williams]

And I think. And you can attest to this better than anybody. It's really fun to get to a point to where you go, like, all right, like, if I am, you know, funny on stage, funny on the mic, I want to be put in a situation where I can. Can really flex those muscles. And it really is a playground to be silly. But also, like, you know, like, you want to. You want to bring it. And it's like the crowd that is so excited and really supportive, I think, as you can feel. I mean, you were. You murdered, dude. But also, again, 10,000 hours plus. But you also jumped in the bit boat, and you're like, I get what this is. I'm also going to, like, you know, be fearless, not have a filter, go along with it. And people love that too, you know?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah. I think the mistake that some performers and some comedians make is they stand outside of the bit and they comment on it. Yes, you need to jump into the bit. You got to be in the snow globe on the paint can shaker, not standing next to it, looking at it, making snarky comments about it.

[Brad Williams]

And that takes years. And I know that I definitely did not have. It even took a convincing for myself to even do the show because I had, you know, thoughts of like, ah, what if I. What if it. The first time at least, like, what if it bombs? And I'm at the store where I worked and. And got passed, and all the employees are homies, and what if they're judging me because I tried this thing that didn't work, and then they're like, dude, you're a comic. What are you doing? These characters, you know, I had all these thoughts, and eventually you just have to go, like, who gives a. We're all going to die someday. You got to just. You got to throw darts, dude. And. And it felt. At the end of the day, I go, well, it feels fun to try, try. And that's what I'm gonna do.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Do you have that clip? Okay.

[Brad Williams]

We're talking about jumping in the bit boat.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Okay. Johnny Resnick.

[Brad Williams]

So this is Jason Biggs going. I mean, you want to talk about commitment? Ladies and gentlemen, please make it loud from American Pie 1.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

The Pie.

[Brad Williams]

So this episode comes out November 24th.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Now Biggs knows.

[Brad Williams]

He knows what's happening.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, right?

[Brad Williams]

And I said, how far do you want to go with the sex stuff? He goes, we got to go for it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Okay. That's so awesome.

[Brad Williams]

Hey, hey, 3,000 people. Hey, I want that. But let's. Let's just let the moment play out the way God intended.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It's good to see you. It's good to see. How have you been? I've been really good. Yeah. Honestly, I'm sorry that I. That I. That I lost touch with you. I am. Oh, the pies.

[Jeff Dye]

Jason, stop.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, scorn. Hell hath no fury like a pie. Scorn hard. I'm sorry. Okay. I really.

[Brad Williams]

So this part was all scripted, at least from my V. I was like, this is how we get into it. I go, then you. You taste him, and then you say this.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, okay. Forgot how good she tastes, Honestly.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me refresh your memory.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, my God. If you showed this.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

To Bob Hope.

[Brad Williams]

What the is going on right now?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Resurrected Bob Hope and when. This is called lies.

[Adam Carolla]

This is comedy.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Comedy. What the hell kind of Sodom and Gomorrah has taken over this country? I mean, never stop throwing up.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my God.

[Brad Williams]

He sounds so good. That's Johnny Reznick from the Goo Dolls.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Going far. Yeah, he is.

[Brad Williams]

Don't want to miss you tonight. Come on, Johnny Wrestling, ladies and gentlemen.

[Jeff Dye]

And Brad.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That's so awesome.

[Brad Williams]

Verse number two.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

All right. When everything feels like the moon I've ever seen Just to know you're alive. It's my.

[Brad Williams]

Be the best show in the history of the fucking world.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

God, that is awesome.

[Brad Williams]

So there's. I mean, one part, and then it builds. It goes another two minutes, and then at one point, they. I mean, they are. So we had Stephen, who does tech for us, built the pie costume. He's. This. This was also. Is great about just creating from the ground up and then making it collaborative. Stephen, who runs tech at the store, basically music up, music down for comedians. Like, right? That's his job. He is a wizard in other departments that nobody knows about. And we start doing the show, and then he's like, hey, do you want this?

[Jeff Dye]

Do.

[Brad Williams]

I could build this? I could build this. And so I tell him about the pie thing. He builds the pie costume, and then he built. I go, it would really be cool if Jeremiah could squirt and come as the pie. So he bought a contraption inside, and we didn't put on that because I didn't want to give it away. But they keep going. They're full on making out. Jason asked Jeremiah backstage before, is it. Is it cool if I kiss you? And Jeremiah's like, I mean, I think we gotta just go for it, right? And at one point, he squirts whipped cream. It goes nine rows deep, dude.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Wow.

[Brad Williams]

And Johnny Resnick is crying, laughing, to where I have to take over singing the song. And. And then they're going for it. They're eating each other out. They're. He's fingering while he's squirting the pie out. And then at the end, we all sing, and I give it up to, you know, Johnny and Brad, the guitarist for Google Dolls, and. And Jason. And then Jeremiah. The way to get in. You know, every episode ends with a fake fight. You know, where Jeremiah and I, whatever character is, we fake fight. He goes to the ground with sound effects, I kick his ass. And then spotlight on me. And I go, sorry you guys had to see that, but I'm not sorry you had to feel that. And then I give my closing remarks. That's the end of the show. So we had to get into the fight. So I go, jeremiah, I think the way to get into it is you then ask me if I want leftovers, right? So you're like, you want sloppy seconds, whatever. And I'm like, no, I'm on Atkins. And he's like, doesn't look like it. You know? And then I'm like, what'd you say? And that's all it takes. So then as I start getting ready to get in his face, the crowd starts chanting that pie again. So now it's 3, 000 people chanting that pie. And, hey, man, I don't know if you've ever experienced that, but it's a bitch as far as peer pressure goes. So in my head, I'm like, all right, I've heard.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Well, I've heard the fuck that strudel chant. I've been on stage many times for that, but never pie.

[Brad Williams]

Oh, my God.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Again, let's picture Bob Hope.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Like, sitting with a cardigan watching this. Like, with a. Sitting in his den just watching us and going, bob, this is.

[Adam Carolla]

I think he'd like it.

[Brad Williams]

I think this is what country is into to vaudeville.

[Adam Carolla]

This is vaudeville all over again.

[Brad Williams]

One dude, great call. I think it is getting back to a lot. I mean, look, dude, the live show element is not going anywhere, right? We. We saw. I mean, you know, when Covid hit, we were performing in cars and outdoors, and people just. Still, that'll never not be a thing. Even as much as the movie industry took a hit, and people were like, well, now they just want to stay home and. And stream Jungle cruise. It's like, you know, there. People just. There is an. An aspect to seeing. Like, that was.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That's fun.

[Brad Williams]

I'm glad we Captured that to for the Internet. But, man, seeing it live like that is just different.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, I mean, we started doing live podcasts 15 years ago, like, right about this time.

[Brad Williams]

Oh, wow.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Like, there was no live podcast, and we were sitting around here not getting paid, paid to do a podcast. And so Mike August, who's always looking to get paid, was like, what if we took this thing to the Irvine Improv and we just did a live stage version of the podcast?

[Brad Williams]

And Mike August, there's the guy that'll fuck that shooter.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

No, he'll fuck that shirt up for nickels. Pop Tart. So you set? So you kind of go, well, what are we doing? And I remember the first. First few times we did a live podcast, the audience didn't know what was going on because there were no live podcasts. But now there's live everything in all different forms. And it's fantastic. It's great. It's great that there is no template anymore and there are no more rules.

[Adam Carolla]

You said it was organic that you came to it. Dude, you're such a talented performer. You got all these different impressions. Impressions. How the hell did you land on Dr. Phil?

[Brad Williams]

So it was. I got real stagnant with, I guess, just what I was, you know, stand up, podcast, audition. It's just waiting around to be in other people's. So I put together this, like, pilot called Jeremy Rising. It's on my YouTube. And I played three different characters. This, like, nerdy man, boy, child, or adult man, and with braces and a ponytail and an old lady medium. And then this heavyset gay hairstylist who was the dad of the kid and left his wife to be a gay hairstylist. Fat suit. If you can find it somewhere. It's called Jeremy Rising. And then you scroll halfway through. I'm in a fat suit. I got Tom Lennon, David Keckner, Ron funches, and Joel McHale to be in it. And it was basically like, if I could do my show, this is what it was. Me playing three characters in a dysfunctional family. And I had a. You know, the bald fat suit thing. And Joel goes, you look like Dr. Phil. So I started doing that. People were laughing. I go, I should go to the Laugh Factory tonight. I think I saw you there that night. Night.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Holy. I did.

[Brad Williams]

That was your first picture of us somewhere. That was the first time I did it. And with Dr. Phil on stage, really like the full thing. And. And it went well. And then it was like, okay, cool. That's a fun thing to do. But didn't really Give too much thought to it. And then Covid hit, and I was sitting around trying to flex, you know, some sort of creative muscle. And Jeremiah and I were like, let's do these Lost episodes in a black box theater that we rented.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That was the night Covid hit. Because I remember walking outside of the Laugh Factory that night, and Fauci was.

[Brad Williams]

There, and he goes, gotcha.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

There's a TMZ chick standing there. And she was like, it's Covid. Like, what are you doing?

[Brad Williams]

Performing?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, like, something. And I go, oh, it is. And I kissed her on the lips or something to prove I didn't care about COVID And that was it. That would. That. I remember that night. And then went home and never came back. Like, it was all closed after that. I think that was pretty much Covet.

[Brad Williams]

Pretty much the end of COVID So then it was like, well, let's. We got to keep busy. And Jeremiah has all these characters. So we did all these Lost episodes, and we'd improvise for a couple hours and then put about 30, 40 minutes on YouTube. So that's where I kind of got to at least find whatever version of this. And obviously here on the Corolla show, the amount of times coming on around with it. But like you said, in two to three minute doses, sometimes maybe 20 seconds, I just do a quick throwaway, right? So this was, you know, a two hour, like, really getting to, like, figure out, all right, what version of this guy is the guy that I am around with. And then I was doing these Adam Ray and friend shows at the store, and. And I wanted to do something different. And I had seen, like, the oh, hello show with John Mulaney and Nick Kroll and Will Ferrell's George Bush show. Again, always in the back of my mind, like, oh, a character live show would be cool. Just use the stage for something else. And then I had Burr attached to do Adam Ray and friend show. And. And I was like, all right, I have Burr. Let me see if he'd be down. I was like, I think I still have the voice note somewhere. And I go, bill, I'm thinking about doing this live show where I play Dr. Phil. I don't really know what it looks like, but I do a monologue, some crowd work. I interview you. He's like, dude, yes. Make fun of my anger issues. That sounds hilarious. And so that kind of get it. Lee gave me a little bit of, like, juice to either follow through with it, because I was like, all right, if he's punished, jumped, then Now I want to really, you know, and then it went okay. And then we did it again and again. And then consistency is key, right? So it was like. Part of me was like, oh, maybe. People were like, you're gonna do another one? I was like, yeah, maybe. And then the challenge of putting it all together and, like, is really fun and satisfying. And when I used to do YouTube videos, when YouTube hit, that was like. That's why I started doing this, because I was losing some joy for just the business. And I was like, what. When was I in my happiest? It was when I was writing a sketch, and then I'd get with these guys that. Who now shoot the Dr. Phil show at the. At the store for YouTube. So I've known him for 20 years. They would. We'd shoot these sketches. They were like special effects guys that worked for Lucas and J.J. abrams, and they were like, oh, comedy sketches. This is a nice break for us. We'd shoot nine to six. We'd have dinner. I'd pay for them and pay them with dinner and coffees. And then we'd edit till 3am and we'd post it at 9 the next day. And that was, like, the happiest I was because it was, like, collaborative and it was fun. And we had, like, you know, bringing all these young comics that I was coming up with to be in these videos. Some would do. Some would get 20,000 in two days on YouTube. Some would get 2,000 over a year. But it was like the creating from the ground up and the. The, you know, you kind of get to be your own boss type thing. That was really cool. But also. Yeah, so that's what the show is still. There's no end point. We have all these beats of, like, it starts with a little. With a couple jokes, then the crowd work, then the guest, then some different element, Then Mark Summers does double dare, then Boys to Men sings that improvises, like, on the next show in December, like, you know, we got Jay Leno and Wayne Brady, and Rob Riggle is going to play Santa Claus, and Brad's going to play the head elf. By the way, this hasn't been announced, so I guess I'm just saying.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Nice.

[Brad Williams]

Brad's going to play the head elf, and we're going to find. Rob is retiring from being Santa.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Rob Regal.

[Brad Williams]

Yes.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I love that guy.

[Brad Williams]

He's the fucking man. And he's. Again, I pitch him the idea because I was. He was going to just be a guest. And I go, rob, would you mind, like, if you like, you were Santa and the whole bit is like you're, you know, almost quitting, like, almost like Tim Allen took over for Santa. Like we have to find a new Santa and we'll audition someone American Idol style. And so the other Santa's they're going to be auditioning are going to be Jaleel White and Tony Hawk.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Wow.

[Brad Williams]

And then Harry Mack the freestyle rapper is going to close it out and that's on December 3rd.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Well, you know, when you get a little juice and you get a little traction and popularity, then, then it becomes the positive cycle where you start getting the Jay Leno's and the people like that become attracted to it. It's Trump and the MAGA dance, you know what I mean? It's like everyone wants the equivalent of that. On the happy side.

[Adam Ray]

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[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Of the dance, I was watching the NFL.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, NFL guys are starting to celebrate.

[Adam Carolla]

Everybody.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

There was a head slap. They called a head slap the other day and you can find it because I don't know if I've showed this to Adam or not. I bring it up twice a year because it makes me laugh. It was a like, tweet. It's the Deacon Jones one. And everyone tweeted me because there was a head slap and they hadn't called a head slap in like 20 years. And everyone's like, oh, Deacon. And I'm like, I don't know why I get so enamored with certain things, but this piece of tape that I've shared with you guys before, but it's because there was a head slap the other night and people sent it to me. It's kismet. Here it is.

[Brad Williams]

Adkins threat of breaking arms was the.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Reality of the Deacon Jones head slap. The head slap was to do two purposes.

[Brad Williams]

One was to give myself an initial head start on the fast rush. In other words, an extra step.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Because anytime you go upside a man's head or a woman, then they have a tendency to blink their eyes or close their eyes.

[Brad Williams]

And that was all I needed.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Right now. Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

Just to skip over that, that's like the Connery. That's like. I mean, that's actually more. Now, what do you think is worse? Just to skip over it like that and be very matter of fact or Connery being like Sean Connery. Remember when he. Yeah, I think it was the Barbara Walters interview. And he was like, look, you could smock a woman if she deserves it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

Just don't just do it out of nowhere. She's got to say something stupid.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

See, there's a math problem for Deacon Jones, which is there's never been a weak side tackle in the NFL on the offensive line that was a woman.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And you're being asked specifically about your technique on the field now, adding a woman. If there were just a couple of women in the league back in the day, then maybe you would have some justification for that. So he got caught. I've said this many times, you guys are too young. But this whole thing we used to call all the stuff we're experiencing now, everyone experienced 50 years ago, we just called it something else. So we have climate change now. It used to be called ecology. And they would explain to you that the earth isn't going to be inhabitable in a few years because of man and what we were doing to it, but we called it something else. And this was just called women's lip. And there was a big push in like the early 70s for women's lib. And so what would happen is when you would say something like, you would go, I want the pilot of my airplane. I want that guy to be smart. I want him to be sober. I want him. And they go, he or she. He or she. And you go, yeah, okay, I've never seen a chick pilot since 1973. But okay, okay. And then you go, the President of the United States. He should have dignity. He should have. He or she. He or she. So they would correct you all the time. And a lot of guys got so pee whipped into correction that I think maybe, maybe he was like, when you go upside a man's. Or woman. Oh, woman.

[Brad Williams]

Like, I think he was trying to play both sides.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

There's an argument for him being magnanimous.

[Brad Williams]

Yes.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It's probably not going to work, but it's an argument. Let's hear it one more time. It makes me laugh.

[Brad Williams]

I'm willing to say no because I feel like what you just did, where he did the. Oh, you know, like he just kind of barreled through, like, you know how you hit both people?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

There's no way. What happened is he got caught cheating for a fifth time.

[Brad Williams]

Yes.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

His old lady was trying to block the door as he was yelling, I'm leaving. He did the fucking head slap.

[Jeff Dye]

And that's.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That's what's burned into a psyche.

[Brad Williams]

Neil Brennan has this great joke about where he basically says, I think it was after, like, Ray Rice and the elevator incident. And he's just like, football. It's another example of, like, football. Guys footballing when they're not playing football. Just like all these examples of, like, dude, you have to have an off switch when you don't have the pads on.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah. All right. Well, the head slap was to do two purposes.

[Brad Williams]

One was to give myself an initial head start on the pass rush. In other words, an extra step.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Because anytime you go upside a man's head or a woman, then they have a tendency to blink their eyes, close the eyes.

[Brad Williams]

It's a tonal thing. Or a woman. That's all he had to do. He just went, or a woman. Like, in addition to, you know how you hit guys and girls.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, sure. Yeah. I mean, well, Opportunity beater. Yeah, I sold everyone. It's also the comedy of it, as I say all the time, is you're inter. Splicing game footage with an interview. So you could have easily cut a version of this that didn't involve the woman. As a matter of fact, that's the one the NFL Network runs now, because after I screamed about on the radio for two hours 15 years ago, they cut this and they cut the woman out. Because all you do is go. Every time you go upside a man's head and then you cut to him on the field going upside, they tend to blink their eyes. And it's easy. You can cut the woman out very easily. But they never thought. The idea that they. They didn't think to do that or go, deacon, I don't know if it was a mistake or not, but you said man or a woman. Like, let's just try.

[Brad Williams]

Who's directing that piece?

[Adam Carolla]

No, they knew. They knew that was something that they were like, oh, that's pretty funny.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

John Connery directed that. I don't know if you knew that.

[Brad Williams]

Skin it again, but that time you felt like you felt bad about it. Say it a little more matter of factly.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yes, celebrate it.

[Brad Williams]

Celebrate it. Everyone deserves to be hit. It's equal opportunity.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

God, it's the greatest clip ever assembled. And it also was the kind of thing for me that I was, like, sitting home in the middle of the night and saw this and stood up and went, this is the greatest thing ever. But I realized it had been aired several thousand times and no one had said anything about it.

[Brad Williams]

Do you have YouTube rabbit holes? Do you have clips like this that you'll. If you're on a, you know, at a flight delay or you're on a road trip and you're not driving, do you have, like, what's like, let me go down. A little rabbit. Of soldiers coming home early to surprise their kids or dads getting in fights at little league games in the stands.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

The one that'll get me. Well, actually, there's two that'll get me there. One is black people reaction to videos. Like they'll have the Righteous Brothers singing Unchained Melody or something. Like 15 year old black kids go, what the fuck?

[Jeff Dye]

No way.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That one's good. And then they'll have crazy fights from the 60s where they'll talk about some Cuban guy who always drank and smoked and smoked a cigarette in the ring and stuff and had 107 professional fights or something. They had some crazy footage of some weird character from back in the day. That'll get me. That'll get me sucked in.

[Brad Williams]

Bum fights. Remember when that started? Oh, yeah, there was bum fights. And then speaking of bum, there was the. The bum that got a Kraft Mac and cheese voiceover deal.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, that guy, the black guy, yeah.

[Brad Williams]

Remember, he came outside somebody's window like a buffalo at a petting zoo. He just shoved his face in the.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brad Williams]

And he was like, you got, you got.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Do you have $5?

[Brad Williams]

And they were like, you have a beautiful voice.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Right?

[Brad Williams]

He's like, I'll just take the $5. I don't need the compliment. They're like, get away, you stink. But I'll call macaroni.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that guy. Then there was also. Well, the greatest Mac and cheese one is the one. I mean, we should be playing at about this time of year anyway, because to the holidays, it's a black mama. Let's face it, blacks are better at this than we are. There's a reason there's making macaroni and cheese reacting negatively to input.

[Brad Williams]

Sure.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I mean, there is one. I was looking at one yesterday. I like, tweeted it. It was a Spirit Airline 1. Am I the only one that saw the spirit airline like, kind of throttle employee on employee bashing? I liked it yesterday. Okay, this woman is saying what I'm always saying, which is when you bring Mac and cheese or you bring stuffing or you bring turkey, or you bring whatever it is we'll do Mac and cheese first. Just do the best version of it. But don't start adding candied walnuts and golden raisins and like that. Well, let's listen to mine, Mama, we.

[Adam Ray]

Told you don't put that in the macaron cheese, but you insist on putting it. So since you won't do things your damn way, we gonna do our way. We getting ready to go upstairs and go to sleep while you clean up all this for Thanksgiving. Happy Thanksgiving. We love you, but guess what?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

This ain't fair that we couldn't even.

[Adam Ray]

Get a decent thing of macaroni cheese. We gotta wait to go back to Goose budget Cameron to make us some damn macaroni and damn cheese. Cause you decided to do some you to see about the damn Internet. Don't experiment on damn Thanksgiving.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Don't experiment on Thanksgiving.

[Adam Ray]

You experiment by your damn self.

[Brad Williams]

Why have I not seen this?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Hell, don't try it with us.

[Adam Ray]

We don't want that.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Uncle Terry gave you the damn recipe.

[Adam Ray]

But you chose to do on your own.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I feel this way. Do not experiment on Thanksgiving. Do that on your own.

[Brad Williams]

That is a T shirt, a bumper sticker, and a way of life.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That's right.

[Brad Williams]

On your own. Known. Everyone expects what is what has been known and have been established.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I want, like, Mac and cheese. Here's what I want. I want a better version of what Colonel Sanders does. I feel that way with coleslaw. I feel that way with Mac and cheese. That's what you get. Do an experiment. Not on some shit you learned on the Internet and you fucked up your old school family with it. All right, The Spirit Airlines throw that. Have you guys not seen this?

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

This is a woman who works at Spirit Airlines.

[Brad Williams]

By the way, how many times do you think the sentence the Spirit Airlines throw down has been uttered in the history of Spirit Airlines?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It's rarely employee on employee. This looks like a senior member of the staff and a younger one. Let's see. Let's go suck another dirty.

[Adam Ray]

Don't play with me.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

She came, like, waiting in line. They're missing a flight. Guy's transporting an organ. You know, he's probably got a cooler with an organ in it. He's like, by the way, she's still.

[Brad Williams]

Trying to like, that's the best.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Where she's like this.

[Brad Williams]

You suck a donkey dick and get out my face, but before I smack you with the backside of my hand.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

So you're saying 5F, by the way.

[Brad Williams]

You'll see 5F. Do you mind a window or an island.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I said what?

[Adam Ray]

I said, please step to me like you want it.

[Brad Williams]

I'm so sorry. Do you mind having an aisle seat?

[Adam Ray]

Go suck another dirty dick?

[Adam Carolla]

So put the bag on the scale.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can I get your ID One more time?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

There's someone clearly filming her.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, she knows.

[Brad Williams]

I will say. She went right back to the computer.

[Adam Ray]

She said, I'm not the one of the two. You tried me two times. I want you to do it a third.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I. I like that she's yelling across the airport to suck a dirty kid.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm not the one or the two.

[Brad Williams]

I love a new, like, way to just, you know, power sl. Like, I used to see those Yo Mama Snaps books. There's a few kids that bought them and brought them to school. It might have been my first taste of standup comedy, where it was like, you know, your mama's so fat when she sits around the house. She sits around the house. She's so fat, she sat on a quarter and squeezed a booger out of George Washington's nose. She's so ugly, she trick or treats over the phone. And, you know, I would always go a little harder in the paint just to kind of take things up a notch. You know, you start seeing kids gather around, and I was like, your mama's so fat. You know, your dad left. You know, now he's my in shape on. And that's why I got these cool Jordans. And you're rocking those dirty flip flops that came with a bag of two buck Chuck. But, like, the. The. The insult game is always. It's to each his own. So for her to say suck a dirty dick instead of just sucking dick.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Right.

[Brad Williams]

You know, it's very.

[Adam Carolla]

The modifier.

[Brad Williams]

The modifier, like Delta Airlines is probably just. If there's a Delta fight, it's probably like, you know, I'm gonna kill you. Just real direct.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Right?

[Brad Williams]

But spirit is off the beaten path. The beat of their own drum.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yes. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Airline.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah. There's a. There's a more urban, more flavorful.

[Brad Williams]

More flavorful. What they. What they lack in plane mechanics and safety.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Like reclining. Yeah, and reclining seats. Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

And snacks that are real food and haven't expired, they make up for in, I think, you know, just sparring verbally.

[Adam Carolla]

The spirit. Airline insults work their way up to the Delta. And then American, it goes, you know, the. It's born in the streets and brought up 1000%.

[Brad Williams]

By the way, they call it Spirit Airlines because your spirit leaves your body before you board the plane.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

What people who were just listening didn't see is she gave a triple D booby smackdown to the chicken. Knocked her onto the conveyor belt.

[Brad Williams]

That should have been a game, set match, right?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And the chick who got knocked on the conveyor belt should have stayed on the conveyor belt and just gone out, just gone off into the bowels.

[Brad Williams]

That's moving. Just let that belt take you all the way around the airport. And by that time, the Triple D booby bounce has forgotten about your whereabouts. And here you come, you know what I'm saying?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Here you come all the way back.

[Brad Williams]

Around and you're like, I'm not the one. Or the two. How about this one?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I would like to see the clash of the titans, which is the eat a dirty dick. Spirit employee takes on Mac and cheese traditionally on a real fucking verbal throwdown.

[Adam Carolla]

On our way to Thanksgiving.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You got something to mash up a little bit here? Because I don't know who would win that clash of the titans, you know what I mean? Both formidable, both very vocal, strong willed women, I think you'd have to say, with strong opinion.

[Brad Williams]

I don't actually don't know who I'd put money on because.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

But that's how you know it's a great matchup.

[Brad Williams]

Mac and cheese gal felt like family was around, so she didn't want to get physical. Whereas Spirit Airlines employee was like, I don't give a. If you tape this and send it to my family. In fact, send it to my family so that they know who I am.

[Adam Carolla]

Or the two.

[Brad Williams]

I'm not the one. Or the two. Now you do bring up a good point. Employee on employee is rarely seen.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Rarely.

[Brad Williams]

I mean, we've seen countless people losing their minds at the airport.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yes.

[Brad Williams]

And I. You want to talk about a YouTube rabbit hole? I mean, those are great. There are people. I have seen people scream the N word at white people at a Southwest Airlines desk.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I think Pacman Jones had a few fist fights in airports. Of course he did. Like, I've seen real Donnie Brooks go down either. And it's always weird. Timid and unsure whitey who has to sit around like, do I join the fray? Do I pull the guy off the guy? Do I film the chick?

[Brad Williams]

You always either watch it or you film it. You stand back, don't get involved. We've all learned our lesson.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Get the windows rolled up. Do not feed the animals.

[Brad Williams]

It's also like, you know, that person is never going to win because eventually airport security will show up. Although it seems like in many of these Videos when the employee is getting accosted. Like, you know, they just kind of. The security is kind of like they got right.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

They never show up until like 12 minutes in.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Well, also, you have to know that this woman, when she's in the heat of battle, when you intervene, you're next. Like, you're on. You're not the voice of authority. You got a target on your back.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I want to ask you this question. Thinking of a joke I did that I've been doing. I frequently drive to the club or the theater, wherever I'm playing, I go, I'm gonna do this joke. And I go, no one's gonna like it, but I kind of like it from fucking doing it. And it sounds like you're a comedian. It almost never works. But do you have a joke where you go, I like it. They're not gonna like it, but I like it and I'm doing it anyway?

[Brad Williams]

Sure. Yeah. I mean, one of my first jokes was that where I'd say, this feels this man, it's great to be here. Glad you guys came out tonight. Everybody needs to laugh. The show actually feels a lot like my little league games because my dad's not here. I wish you got that. But actually, you got that closed mouth chuckle to yourself.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

No, they. You know why? You know, one thing I've realized, I've. I've. I've done a few mom jokes right? Where I go.

[Brad Williams]

They felt bad for me, which is.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, my God, I love some of my horrible mom. Just. I go, my mom. This is a true story. My mom died a couple years ago, and no funeral, no wake, no nothing. And I said to my stepdad, John, I go, what happened to mom? Like, where are they? Where is she? What did we do with her? And he went, oh, she donated her body to UCLA medical. And I said, she did? And he goes, yeah. And I go, what were they studying? Mothers who never loved their sons. So fucking. And nobody. They just go. They just go, oh, oh, that's.

[Brad Williams]

Sorry, that's. I feel bad for you if you don't find the joy in that joke.

[Adam Carolla]

I like it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I go, I go, the only thing that was good about COVID is I didn't have to go see my mom because she's old and she's paranoid and she's a newsome voter. So I didn't want to go, have to go see her, which was great. I use as an excuse to not see her and she died. But I was this close to convincing her that Covid could be spread over the phone. And he's just like, oh, yeah. And I realized, mom jokes, dad, like parent, parental. I go, listen, it's my mom. I'm allowed to make fun of her.

[Brad Williams]

I can make the joke.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I can make the joke. And they just go, I would say, dennis Prayer is a true story. Dennis Prayer, conservative talk show, wrote a book when he was like 21, and he said to me, when we're doing a speaking thing one day, he goes, I had a book sale thing signing and there's a big cardboard cutout of me, like a six foot five me. And my mom brought it home because she was so proud. And she put it in the entry hall of her house. And then he looked at me and he goes, does your mom have a picture of you? Big picture of you in her house? And I go, my mom doesn't have a picture of me in her head. And the audience just goes, oh God. And I'm like, oh, fuck you. Then I'm not doing any of these jokes, but I'll give you one from Big Bear. Last weekend at the comedy festival, the audience just went, what the fuck? No. I got in the car. This is true. I got in the car and I was driving to Big Bear and I had the 70 station on and it was Tony Orlando tie a yellow ribbon around the old oak tree. And I think people thought the guy. Initially they thought the guy was coming home from Vietnam or something, but he was a prisoner. It's like, I've done my time. And you listen to lyrics and it's a guy who was in prison and he wants to know if his woman is still with him. And they pull up, like in the prison bus, like it's the whole thing. The whole damn bus cheered. Like he's on a prison bus that's taking him back to his house and he's saying, if you still love me, you'll let me know by putting a yellow ribbon around the old oak tree. And if not, I'll stay on the bus, forget about us, put the blame on me because he's a criminal. And then it's a very joyous happy ending when he pulls up and sees hundreds yellow ribbons around the old oak tree. But what people don't know about that song is why he was in jail. He viciously raped a nine year old. Oh, wow. Repeatedly. Her daughter dark. Her daughter super dark. Viciously and repeatedly. So it's not such a happy song, is it? Anymore? Everyone just looked at me and I was like, you thought of some kind a white collar crime. It Wasn't. It wasn't a Martha Stewart thing. He viciously and repeatedly raped a 9 year old. And the whole audience just went, what the hell?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I could see why they did that.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Brad Williams]

Gotta do your research. Oh, man.

[Adam Carolla]

Super dark Ace. God damn, man.

[Brad Williams]

I used to do a joke about that, would get some groans where I would talk about Brad Williams, our boy Brad Williams. And I would say just about how my nephew first met him. My nephew, a nine year old, meeting a little boy, meeting a little person for the first time. I go, brad's great comic, one of my best buds. I go, he could be here tonight. Check under your chairs before you leave. And that would get people going, oh, like you're putting him down. And. And. And I remember when I told Brad about. He was like, that's funny. Why? He's like, I hate when people feel bad. He's like, you got to go harder next time and say, I'm under the chair. And say, actually, if he's not in the chair, he could be in the tree. If he's not on the tree, he's at your house making cook. You know, whatever. But yeah, yeah, I don't. By the way, check out Brad's special starfish on YouTube.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Brad's great. All right, Dawson, now you're on the clock. I know.

[Brad Williams]

I'm working.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You have it. How's it going for the.

[Brad Williams]

He's doing the mashup now.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Finally got one that wasn't bleeped on the Internet. So that. Finally working on it. Who's gonna win this clash of the ebony titans? They're both about the same. They're both heavyweight. The cruiser to heavyweight weight. Right. They're both in the same age range. You know, this isn't Tyson fighting a Paul brother. These are both seasoned heavyweight veterans.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, on one hand, the titty bump technique is excellent. On the other hand, Mac and cheese really got something. Some charisma.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And you know, where is the Spirit Airline titty bumper? Went back to the sack of dirty dicks a few times. You did the Mac and cheese later was a little more nuanced. Like she said, shit you learned on the Internet, don't be experiencing. And there was a punitive phase because she said, you clean the kitchen, bitch. I'm going to bed. Yeah, she told her, you fucked up the Mac and cheese. Now you can fucking deal with the dishes. I'm going upstairs with my glass of chardonnay.

[Brad Williams]

That was more open and shut case. Spirit Airlines kind of left the door open. You want to smack my hands right Here.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you guys are totally ignoring the fact that titty bump results resulted in a conveyor belt. Sit down. Like it fully happened. There was more to it than just a threat of violence. It was actual violence, albeit titty related.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Also, what is the dread level for the younger chick going into work knowing her supervisor is always going to be there? Like, I didn't like Mike Stromat when I worked construction. He was a foreman. He was a prick, but I could kind of go avoid him a little bit. I wasn't just standing by a conveyor belt with him for nine hours.

[Brad Williams]

Yeah, that's got to be a wrap. You got to. You got to become a. An American girl at that point. Also. But also. And also, what are the spirit benefits where you really like, is that job really worth the.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

The ones I don't. You know, getting fired from a shitty job is not a bad thing. I don't know why people do that all the time. Like, when they do the thing where they go, this Guy's working at McDonald's. He's doing it for slave wages. Like, okay, don't do it then. Yeah, I worked there. I got paid Nothing. I was 16. Oh, we have Pac Man Jones fighting. Have you seen Pac man thrown down an airport?

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Former NFL cornerback Pac Man, Pac Man Jones. Yeah. Now what says. What says black? What says more. By the way, security guard.

[Brad Williams]

Is not in the orange vest right now.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That's security. I like when security gets involved. Let me say this to Mayhem.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. Let me watch this. Wait a minute. Oh, this overhead.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, he doesn't like the technique.

[Brad Williams]

Oh, he got him, huh?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, the technique is poor. Now, initially, the jabs were really ruling the day, but Pac man, once he got his physicality involved, it is funny.

[Brad Williams]

That, like, even when you're not boxing or UFC fight, like. Yeah, fighting is just there, there, there. Get always gets to a point to where it is just flailing and wailing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. Rude America.

[Brad Williams]

I used to live on La Brea and Melrose, and there was a Latina nightclub next to a psychic place that was a front, I think, for a Russian. Like, I know the place. Yeah, yeah. No, no. You knew what I was gonna say. And. And then there was a Chipotle right in between them, and I lived right on the corner, and my roommates and I would smoke blunts and sit out on the patio and watch when the club let out the drunken mayhem that would.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, yeah, man.

[Brad Williams]

And one night we had to go back inside because we were, you know, innocent bystand. Like, we Were we were witnesses. Fights between two guys. Gals.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Two gals.

[Brad Williams]

One, which. Then two suburbans pulled up and more gals got out, and there were probably six gals fighting. And at one point, one girl ripped off another girl's wig, weave, what have you. And another girl grabbed a girl by her actual hair and extensions and swung her around.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Wow.

[Brad Williams]

Let go. She body slammed into the car. Guy came out and then I think put the girl in the headlock or, like, held her up like this. And then the other girl started wailing on her. And then another car came up and a really big guy got out and everybody got in and left.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Wow.

[Brad Williams]

And that really, really big guy. Mike Tyson.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

What?

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

What says. I'm going to ask you this. Mayhem.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Sight unseen.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

What says this guy's black?

[Jeff Dye]

What?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Fist fight at an airport or starting cornerback in the NFL. What's. What. What would suggest. What would go. This guy is definitely a brother.

[Brad Williams]

Welcome back to. I don't feel comfortable answering that.

[Adam Carolla]

No, I'm going cornerback because, dude, getting a fight in the airport is universal.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

No, Cornerback is near 100%. Airport's just in the mid-80s in terms of ethnicity. All right, Dawson, we're going to bring it. You got something? One of his favorite. Dawson and his mashups, man.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we love him.

[Adam Ray]

Fucked up the macaroni cheese. You're cleaning up all this shit by yourself. Do not play with me because I'm not the one nor the two. You're not the one or the two. We told you, don't put that in the macaron cheese. But you insist on putting it. Like I said, keep my name out your mouth. So since you won't do things your damn way, we're gonna do our way out of here. Out of here before I slap the out. Don't experiment on damn Thanksgiving. Don't experiment on Thanksgiving. You experiment by your damn self. Out of here, you dirty hell.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Don't try it with us.

[Adam Ray]

Go suck another dirty dick.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

But you chose to do on your.

[Adam Ray]

Own mess that up.

[Brad Williams]

That felt personal, too. I, I.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

But I suck a dirty dick. I cannot declare a winner.

[Adam Carolla]

Me neither, bud. That's a draw. That's a majority draw.

[Brad Williams]

I'm going to need another fight. I'm going to see need to see another confrontation from both them. I'm going to need to see somebody up potato salad on Hanukkah. And I'm going to need to see another employee get titty bumped onto the conveyor belt and see how they respond.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

We need more footage because we can't decide. All right, let me give a plug. Adam Ray, super funny show. I know because I was there.

[Brad Williams]

Your episode is on YouTube and crushing.

[Adam Carolla]

By the way, great episode.

[Brad Williams]

Thank you, brother.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I love it. Adam Ray is Dr. Phil unleashed available on Netflix as we speak. Go out and check it out. God bless Adam Ray.

[Brad Williams]

Love you, bud.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Also, Jeff Dye out there. Last cowboy in la. It's so nice to see everyone having success. I'm going to be everywhere. Oxnard, Houston, Phoenix, Brookville, New York. Just go to amcrola.com until next time, Adam Kroll for Jeff Dye and Adam Rain Mayhem Miller saying mahalo.

[Brad Williams]

Pick up your phone and leave us a voicemail. The numbers 888-634-1744. And remember, you get tickets to see the Ace man@adam carolla.com.

[Adam Ray]

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[Jeff Dye]

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[Adam Ray]

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[Jeff Dye]

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[Adam Ray]

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[Jeff Dye]

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[Adam Ray]

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[Jeff Dye]

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[Adam Ray]

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[Jeff Dye]

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[Adam Ray]

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[Jeff Dye]

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[Adam Ray]

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[Jeff Dye]

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[Adam Ray]

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