Comedians Matthew Broussard & Sam Tripoli

Summary

Adam Carolla Show – Episode Featuring Comedians Matthew Broussard & Sam Tripoli
Release Date: December 17, 2024

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1. Introduction of Guests and Episode Overview

In this episode of The Adam Carolla Show, host Adam Carolla welcomes comedians Matthew Broussard and Sam Tripoli as his guests. The trio delves into a variety of topics ranging from the litigious nature of society to the frustrations of modern air travel, relationship dynamics, and unexpected rants about construction materials. The conversation is peppered with Adam’s signature humor and candid takes on everyday issues.

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2. The Litigious Society and Legal Solicitations in New Jersey

[03:27] Adam Carolla:
Adam kicks off the discussion by sharing his encounter with pervasive legal solicitation signs in New Jersey, specifically the numerous billboards promoting personal injury lawsuits with slogans like "I got hurt in jersey.com". He criticizes this trend as a reflection of an overly litigious society.

Notable Quote:
"A bad sign for our society is tons of signs from attorneys trying to get everyone to sue everyone all the time over everything."
— Adam Carolla [04:55]

Discussion Points:

• Prevalence of Legal Ads: Adam observes that New Jersey is saturated with signs from personal injury attorneys, each vying for attention and clients.
• Societal Impact: He argues that this trend indicates a societal shift towards seeking financial compensation for minor or imagined grievances, weakening communal trust.
• Jason Mayhem Miller’s Take: Miller adds that New Jersey might be more litigious compared to other states, suggesting cultural or legislative factors that encourage such behavior.

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3. Air Travel Frustrations: Private Jets vs. Delta One

[06:46] Adam Carolla:
The conversation transitions to the contrasting experiences between private jet travel and Delta One class. Jason Mayhem Miller advocates for Delta One, highlighting its superior amenities and overall experience compared to private charters.

Notable Quote:
"Real first class is a bigger chair, a bigger seat, and you're being waited on hand and foot than you would get in private."
— Adam Carolla [08:16]

Discussion Points:

• Comfort and Service: Adam and Miller compare the comfort levels, service quality, and overall satisfaction between private jets and premium commercial classes like Delta One.
• Cost-Efficiency: They discuss the financial aspects, noting that private jets, while offering flexibility, may not always provide better value for money.
• Turbulence Experiences: Miller shares personal experiences with turbulence on private jets, suggesting that larger aircraft may offer a smoother ride.

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4. Psychological and Emotional Wastes in Daily Life

[14:02] Adam Carolla:
Adam introduces the concept of "emotional and psychological waste," using airport security procedures as a metaphor. He laments how routine processes can drain emotional energy, likening it to repetitive, unproductive arguments in personal relationships.

Notable Quote:
"It's garish and ugly and American, but, like, even stuff, when you hear the story where you go recently."
— Adam Carolla [09:11]

Discussion Points:

• Airport Security as a Stressor: Adam describes the exhausting and often pointless interactions at security checkpoints, drawing parallels to recurring disputes in relationships.
• Emotional Drain: He emphasizes how constant minor frustrations contribute to an overall sense of emotional depletion.
• Strategies for Coping: The guests discuss ways to manage and mitigate these daily stressors, advocating for more mindful and efficient interactions.

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5. Relationship Dynamics: Feelings vs. Reality

[15:17] Adam Carolla:
A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to exploring the communication gaps between men and women in relationships. Adam and Jason address how emotional expressions and factual disagreements often intersect, leading to misunderstandings and unresolved conflicts.

Notable Quotes:
"Can't we figure that out?"
— Adam Carolla [14:02]

"She has to have all the soft spots. If you actually provoke them, they know how to get under your skin a lot faster."
— Jason Mayhem Miller [47:23]

Discussion Points:

• Emotional Overlaps: The guests explore how women's expressions of feelings often blend with discussions of factual events, complicating resolution.
• Over-Exaggeration: Adam criticizes the tendency to use hyperbolic language in arguments, which undermines practical problem-solving.
• Communication Strategies: They suggest adopting non-judgmental language and focusing on "I" statements to improve mutual understanding.
• Cultural Norms: The conversation touches upon societal expectations and how they shape communication styles within relationships.

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6. Navigating Rules and Regulations: Personal Anecdotes

[20:00] Adam Carolla:
Adam shares personal stories about navigating complex rules, such as bringing extra food into Madison Square Garden, highlighting the bureaucratic hurdles that often frustrate individuals.

Notable Quote:
"I had to stash it under the shelf at the bottom of his falafel cart, and we'll come pick it up in two hours."
— Adam Carolla [22:01]

Discussion Points:

• Dealing with Venue Policies: Adam recounts the challenges of adhering to venue restrictions while trying to bring personal items, illustrating the rigidity of certain institutional rules.
• Creative Problem-Solving: The narrative showcases attempts to find loopholes or workarounds, emphasizing the lengths to which individuals go to circumvent inconvenient regulations.
• Comparison to Past Experiences: References to past encounters, such as university events and handling situation protocols, underline recurring themes of frustration with systematic inefficiencies.

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7. Trust and Perception: The Complexity of Being Reliant

[24:43] Adam Carolla:
Adam reflects on his inherent trust in others due to his own honesty, contrasting it with the reality of frequent deception in society. This introspection leads to a discussion about the balance between trust and skepticism.

Notable Quote:
"I fall prey to liars because I don't lie. And so it's real easy to lie to me because I don't even know what liars are."
— Adam Carolla [24:43]

Discussion Points:

• Innocence vs. Cynicism: Adam shares his struggle with maintaining trust in a world rife with dishonesty, highlighting personal vulnerabilities.
• Impact of Trust: The conversation explores how his trust issues affect his interactions and relationships, both personally and professionally.
• Strategies for Building Trust: The guests discuss methods to cultivate healthy skepticism without becoming overly cynical, advocating for a balanced approach to trust.

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8. Rant on Stucco Walls: A Personal Vendetta

[74:07] Adam Carolla:
One of the most extensive segments features Adam’s passionate rant about stucco walls. He shares his lifelong frustrations with the abrasive nature of stucco, recounting numerous incidents where he and others have been injured while navigating stucco-covered buildings.

Notable Quotes:
"Stucco is the silent killer. It's fucked up."
— Adam Carolla [124:58]

"I anguiished for years, but in a secret silence."
— Adam Carolla [125:18]

Discussion Points:

• Physical Harm: Adam details various accidents involving stucco, emphasizing how its rough texture can cause significant injuries.
• Construction Critique: He criticizes the choice of stucco over smoother alternatives, arguing that it is more about cost-cutting than practicality or safety.
• Cultural and Economic Factors: The rant touches on how stucco is prevalent in certain regions due to labor dynamics and economic decisions, particularly highlighting the role of Mexican labor in its widespread use.
• Call for Legislation: Adam proposes legislative changes to mandate smoother finishes in high-traffic areas, aiming to prevent future injuries and enhance safety.

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9. Technology Overload: The Case of TV Remotes

[47:56] Adam Carolla:
Shifting gears, Adam humorously critiques the proliferation of TV remotes, lamenting the confusion and inefficiency they introduce into daily life. He reminisces about the simplicity of early remotes and contrasts it with the current overwhelming variety.

Notable Quote:
"We went from not being able to use the fucking TV to into the shower with the two chrome things."
— Adam Carolla [73:15]

Discussion Points:

• Evolution of TV Remotes: The discussion highlights how remote controls have become overly complicated, causing frustration rather than convenience.
• User Experience: Adam reflects on personal challenges with multiple remotes in hotel settings, advocating for standardized, simplified designs.
• Humorous Anecdotes: Stories about navigating complex remote systems serve to illustrate the broader theme of technology becoming more of a hindrance than a help.

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10. Drone Sightings and Government Transparency

[105:26] Adam Carolla:
In a brief but intense segment, Adam and his guests debate the mysterious drone sightings over New Jersey and other parts of the United States. They express skepticism about government explanations and discuss the potential implications of unidentified airborne vehicles.

Notable Quote:
"Why are we seeing them? And who wants us to see them? And why wouldn't China want to be detected?"
— Adam Carolla [106:22]

Discussion Points:

• Unidentified Drones: The guests discuss sightings of drones that do not resemble typical commercial or military models, questioning their origin and purpose.
• Government Response: They critique the lack of transparency from authorities regarding the nature and intent of these drones.
• Conspiracy Theories: Speculations arise about potential foreign surveillance or domestic technology misuse, reflecting broader mistrust in governmental narratives.

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11. Conclusion and Final Anecdotes

As the episode wraps up, Adam shares additional humorous anecdotes and wraps up his discussions with light-hearted takes on everyday frustrations, maintaining the show's blend of humor and candidness.

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Notable Takeaways

• Societal Litigiousness: The rise in legal solicitations reflects a deeper societal shift towards over-reliance on litigation as a solution.
• Airline Fee Structures: Hidden fees in air travel continue to frustrate consumers, prompting discussions about transparency and fairness.
• Communication in Relationships: Effective communication remains a hurdle, particularly in balancing emotional expressions with factual clarity.
• Construction Standards: Personal grievances can highlight broader issues in construction practices, advocating for safety and practicality over cost-cutting.
• Technology Simplicity: Overcomplicated technology, such as multiple TV remotes, can lead to unnecessary frustration and reduce quality of life.

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This episode of The Adam Carolla Show provides a mix of humor, personal anecdotes, and critical analysis of modern societal issues, engaging listeners with its unfiltered and candid discussions.

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

Glad Shrink Filipin so fresh Glad Stretch.

[Sam Tripoli]

Drink with tints that take you back. Grandma's place always smells like pine. She said get out the chat room and clean mine Stretch Feeling pine sole fresh the GLAAD girl group coming at you with a throwback jam that was Glad Force Flex Drawstring Trash bags featuring Pine Sol original scent. And that's better than all good.

[Adam Carolla]

It's all Glad Life can throw a lot your way. In the morning. You might be battling drop off times while your kids are battling imaginary monsters or their shoelaces. But no matter what life brings, Life Cereal puts a smile on everyone's face. With 24 grams of whole grains and unexpected sweetness in every serving, it's sure to please even the pickiest eaters. Help start your mornings with Life Cereal.

[Matthew Broussard]

I really love my life.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, in this episode, comedian Matthew Broussard is on Sam Tripoli is back, Mayhem's got the news and we'll do all that right after this.

[Sam Tripoli]

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[Adam Carolla]

Totally free.

[Sam Tripoli]

Totally free. They've got CSI New York, ncis, Criminal Minds, Blue Bloods Tracker, and FBI SWAT all for free. There's something suspicious going on here. Nothing suspicious, just hundreds of free crime shows on Pluto tv. Crime never pays and neither do I. Pluto TV Stream now Pay Never.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey fans of Freedom and open discussion. I'm heading over to Substack and there's an ad free audio and video version of the Adam Carolla show that's going to be waiting there in the near future. You'll even be able to watch ACS live unedited as we record it. Participate in the show via live chat. That'll be coming up very soon. You'll also get an ad free version of the Adam Kroll and Dr. Drew show. You'll also get an exclusive to my new podcast, Beat it out where I share unpolished ideas with my comedian buddies. The first series of episodes is going to be Jay Moore. You'll get all this and more for the low, low price of nine bucks a month. A pittance for all we're going to bring you. Subscribe [e-mail] substack and I'll see all of you in our new speakeasy called Substack. All right, this show brought to you in part by Simply Safe. If you have 30 minutes, you never have to worry about break ins ever again. Just go to simplisafe.com Adam get all the sensors you need, all the help you need as well, to set it up, custom system is going to show up post [e-mail] Adam.

[Dawson]

From Corolla One Studios in Glendale, California, this is the Adam Carolla Show. Adam's guest today, comedians Matthew Broussard and Sam Tripoli. Plus the news and trending topics with Jason Mayhem Miller. And now earlier today when he tried to spell frankincense, he threw his back out.

[Adam Carolla]

Adam Carolla, yeah, get it on. Got to get on the church with you mandate. Get it on. Matthew Broussard back in studio. Got a stand up threshold hyperbolic available as we speak on Amazon and Mayhem here as well. I'm fresh back from New York but Matthew's a good guy to speak to on some of these travel thoughts that I had. I entered and I wrote this stuff down. That's why I'm not looking at you. I entered New Jersey yesterday heading to Teterboro Airport and as I entered New Jersey I saw a big sign that said I got hurt in jersey.com. that's all it said. It just said I got hurt in jersey.com and then I said what is that? Must be something for a lawyer or something. And then two minutes later saw another one. Then I saw another one. Then I saw another one. A bad sign for our society is tons of signs from attorneys trying to get everyone to sue everyone all the time over everything. And I've seen the one where they have like you know, the motorcycle attorney and then there's the one that been injured in an Uber attorney or slip and fall attorney. But this is just I got hurt in this state and I need money.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, brilliant marketing. I mean what an efficient ad.

[Adam Carolla]

Cleen igothurtinjersey.com and it's all over the place the second you roll into Jersey.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

So you planning on getting an injury? Is that what your strategy was?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I wasn't. But yeah, after considering this sign, I'm just saying, I don't know, speaking of signs, I just think it's a bad sign. I just think it's a bad sign.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

We are talking about it so I would disagree with you there.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, but we have a targeting. No, it's a bad sign for society. It's not a bad billboard. Yes, I agree that it's an eerie harbinger.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

I shouldn't have said sign about a sign. It's a eerie harbinger of our present. And then what's the future hold?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, why is Jersey, I mean I don't see that in New York City. Maybe it's just a More litigious place, or people are just kind of a little more trying to.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

The laws are more relaxed. You can get a little bit more out of the system.

[Adam Carolla]

So here's what it says to me. A larger and larger group of people wanting to get paid for doing nothing.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what it's saying to me.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Jersey is. Is the state where you're not allowed to pump your own gas. They have to have someone do that for you.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

They don't trust you.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yes. If you try to fill your own gas, they go, what are you doing? Some guy walks up and does it for you like you're an idiot.

[Adam Carolla]

So it's like nanny state. Ish.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

A little bit, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So what is that? It's just a personal injury attorney law firm is basically what that is.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

Medical malpractice attorneys in Soviet America.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Ambulance chases you.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Thanks, Yakov. Yeah. So not a good sign. Also, I saw that. So I got to fly out on a private jet, which was nice.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I've done that once out of Teterboro. It was.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's good, right? Who'd you know?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Schultz. Andrew Schultz for the Netflix roast. Ah, yeah, it was sweet.

[Adam Carolla]

Nice. Yeah. Now, did they give him a private jet?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I think. I don't want to speak out of turn for him, but I think he. They wanted him there, and it was much more efficient to do it private than rely on commercial. And I think he hardballed. It was like, well, I don't want to fly out till day of, so you better figure out a way to go.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah. Because usually you got to hardball your way onto something private.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I'll say something here that's not going to be popular with a lot of people. I've flown Delta one, and I get to. I have a lot. I have unobtainium status with Delta. They let me bring her bomb on the plane. I fly so much. But Delta 1, I found nicer than the private.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, let's break it down.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

All right?

[Adam Carolla]

The actual premium. So you're not truly first class unless you turn left when you get onto the plane. If you turn right, you're just in something. But it's not the better. First class is when you go left and everyone else goes right when they get on the plane, which is all first class. Used to be you went left into the first class area and the steerage went to the right. Then they started figuring out how to get more range out of these smaller airplanes. And now everyone is on one of these airbuses that you would Fly from Burbank to Vegas. But now you're going cross country. But now you're in first class. But it's not really first class.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Real first class is a bigger chair, a bigger seat, and you're being waited on hand and foot than you would get in private.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

If I can use your bathroom, it's not first class.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, I agree. And if you use. Actually, if you're using my bathroom in first class, then it's not. No first really what private is, is leaving when you want to leave and then getting drunk and dropping N bombs super loud and having people just laugh. You're not getting thrown off of a plane or something like that.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

The two bombs, you can't bring on a plane bombs and N bombs.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right. It's really just loud, dumb conversations and kind of walking around and no rules and no security at the air. Get there and know you missed your. You're stuck in traffic now look out, they're gonna close the door. None of that. That's what that is.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

The private planes are much smaller though. And boy, that turbulence feels like just everyone's talking on the plane and suddenly everyone's just really quiet. Cause your stomach is into your rib cage.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So it can. And there's big private jets where you don't experience what you're experiencing. And then there's smaller ones. Did you guys make it straight through? Did you have to stop and refuel?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

We made it straight through. All right, then my one experience, I'm gonna relive it forever.

[Adam Carolla]

That's big enough then, right?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And it's a long. It makes. Because that, you know, New York to LA is such a long flight in general. And that was. I got off the plane, like not feeling that. Here's what I hate about flying. It's not the time on the plane, it's you leave two hours before your flight and if you fly into lax, you have to catch a thing to an Uber. It's just the hours around it. Even a one hour flight, you have four hours around it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. All wasted. And then I hate waste and redundancy. And I hate waste in terms of natural resources, for instance. I hate waste in terms of food. Anyone who knows me and food, I hate to waste food. I brought a doggy bag back from New York, by the way. I'm the only one I know brings food back from New York if I eat. I don't like waste.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Like, I'm similar. It disgusts me when people throw away food. It's just wrong.

[Adam Carolla]

It's garish and ugly and American, but, like, even stuff, when you hear the story where you go recently. So Biden is selling off the materials that Trump brought to the border to build the border wall. He's selling them off for pennies on the dollar. And that's a kind of a last statement he's making of fu to Trump. Right. So just so you know, we spend billions of dollars bringing the material to the border and laying it out in order to build a border wall. Then Biden gets elected, and as a f you to Trump says, take it all and sell it for scrap. So then they have to load it up and take it all to another town in Arizona and sell it at auction at pennies on the dollar. And then 35 days from now, when Trump gets back in, he will then reorder the materials at full frame at full price, and then we'll pay to truck all the stuff back to the border and build a fence. That motherfucking shit drives me nuts. It's not like it's not even a Republican, Democrat thing. It's like, do we want a border wall? Yes. Are we going to do a border wall? Yes. Is the material at the border? Yes. Why are we trucking it away from the border and giving it away only to buy new? And who's paying for it? Answer is we are. With the constant beating of the drama, we don't have enough money to fund the public school. You got enough money to make, like, ridiculous, retarded, politically motivated gestures?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah. Pissing on the seat just for the fun. Right.

[Adam Carolla]

So I don't. Yes. By the way, it's a chick pissing on the sink.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Seat.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

Seat.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It took deliberate effort. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Standing up and hovering over the thing and swaying her ass around counterclockwise to piss all over the seat before she leaves the Airbnb.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

What really grinds my gear in that whole story is thinking about who they buy the supplies from. And it's probably someone who funded their campaign so they can buy it for a higher rate than they could get in terms of competitive values. That's what really bothers me when they're buying this stuff and they're buying it inefficiently to line the pockets of people and in turn, their own campaign.

[Adam Carolla]

So the waste. Sorry? At the airport. So there's physical waste, there's border materials waste, like mechanical, tangible waste. Then there's throwing away half of a perfectly good steak. That drives me nuts. But then there's an emotional, psychological waste, which is you walk through the metal Detector, and you got some chick going, sir, your belt, your belt. And you go, I'm wearing a belt. Take the belt off. Like, okay, the belt's coming. What are we doing? Oh, yeah, I will take the belt off, and then I'll go put it in a basket. And it'll go through separately than me. But I don't have any history of any terrorist affiliations. Again, now we're getting into psychological emotional waste, which to me is a worse. It's a bigger crime. The waste of sort of your emotional capacity, like digging into your piggy bank emotion. Like, everyone who's ever had a girlfriend or wife has argued over the same retarded shit over and over again and went like, what are we even doing? How long do we have on this planet? Why do we keep talking about this? You know what I mean? Can't we figure that out?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You know, same fight, different words.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, right. It just becomes like, now it's psychological. It's not monetary, you know, and it's not physical.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

Airport, airport. Water torture, if you will.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's me constant chugging my water bottle before I go through. Even though I just bought the water bottle, there's nothing in it, and why would I drink it? I'd like to get to the other side with it, but I'm just butt funneling this Perrier.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Take out your laptop and make sure there's not something else on top of it. Who do you get more mad at at the airport? The airport and the staff and the rules or other people at the airport?

[Adam Carolla]

I have enough to go around. I have an infinite Mariana's Trench of anger and frustration. Like anybody. I experienced this couple trips ago. Anybody who shows up somewhere after waiting in line for a while, and it's as if they were teleported from the 40s from their living room into that spot. It could be a Starbucks. It could be a sandwich shop. With a person, like, they go, there's a long line at the sand. They've been in line for 20 minutes. And they go, order, please. And they go, what do we got here? Yeah.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

See.

[Adam Carolla]

It'S like, get your shit together. You're going through an airport. You're walking through there. You have a sack full of horseshoes over your shoulder. It's not making it through the metal. You know what I mean? Then they're like, should I take the earbuds? Phone, too? Yes. All the things everyone was doing before you and everyone was doing and you did as well.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Just do it all. Yeah, yeah, I was in Line at LaGuardia for Southwest. And it was like 50 to 100 people really backed up to check, check in. And a guy a little bit in front of me, I saw him holding his id and I said performatively, loudly, hey, thanks for already having your ID out, right? And I watched a bunch of people look at him, look at me, and then pull their ID out because I hate when people get to the front of the line and then they start scrambling. You could have done that. You were doing literally while you're in line, you're doing absolutely nothing. There's no time lost.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

You're paying it forward.

[Adam Carolla]

I agree. In the waist department. I went to a basketball game in Madison Square Garden on Saturday night. That was UConn versus Gonzaga. Big game. 18 year old son wanted to go. Ended up in the UConn section, even though we should have been the agnostic section. But I was in the UConn section and it is. And we were not courtside by any stretch of the imagination. We were up and back, not in the rafters, but back and up. And the guy I'm most interested in, 70 year old guy who would just stand up in between every play and start yelling, come on, it's your fault. He'd start pointing real hard and like, come on, come on, refs, come on. Like, clearly they couldn't hear him. Even if they could, I don't think they're allowed to modify their call based on the 7 year old guy living and dying with Eric. And also from where we were standing to where the ball went out of bounds on the other side of the court when the UConn guy and the Gonzaga guy were fighting for it was 180ft and their backs were turned rust. But this guy knew the Gonzaga guy touched it last and he just stood up and screamed on everything. And I was like, do I feel sorry for that guy or am I secretly jealous? Like, I have a long list of people where I go, I'm not that.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Passionate about anything and that delusional to believe you matter.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I love to think I had that significance in the world. It's like religion. It's like when people do silly religious rites and you're like, God's not hearing that.

[Adam Carolla]

No. This guy's screaming at players, coaches and refs from 180ft away. Nobody will ever listen to what he says. Nobody can. And he's living and dying with every touch of the ball. And I don't even know if he went to UConn. If he did, he graduated in 61. You know, like every weekend, screaming, you know, up on his feet, just dying and ups and downs. Of course, I started rooting against UConn. Just wanting to see this guy crumble into a he.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

I think it keeps him alive, this cathartic. It, like, gets his blood pressure going, you know, it makes this guy, you know, he's 70 and this vigorous. I think that, you know, there's something to that. Being passionate about something, you know, get busy living or get busy dying.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah. And he was, you know, he was having an effect on you, and you're a sinful person, but maybe he was having a positive effect, and maybe that energy dissipates in a.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

In the long term, you're not happy unless you're angry.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm more intrigued by this guy than I am upset by him. But there was that guy, which I was enjoying watching. Then there's this in terms of waste. I don't know why. I don't know. I got to write a book called why Do I Always Listen to Dumb People? Because people say shit. And I go, oh, okay. Is that how it works? Yeah, that's how it works. People say stuff with authority, you know, And I go, so this is comical. My son and I, we go to the Intrepid Museum, the battle. Sorry, the aircraft carrier museum. Get into that in a second. Then it's off to eat Chinese food. And then the way it's working out, it's going right to Madison Square Garden. I know, advance, we're going to have some takeout, some extra Chinese food that I'm not going to want to throw away, but what am I going to do with the extra Chinese food?

[Unknown Speaker 1]

Smuggle it to the game.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

We are very similar levels of petty. I would go to great lengths to not throw away restaurant food.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, me, too.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I would violate protocols at large arenas.

[Adam Carolla]

So I said to my son, what are we going to do with this food? We're 10 blocks away. He goes, well, just bring it in. And I go, I don't think you just bring it in. And he goes, and again, this is my problem. This is my problem. He's 18. He doesn't know shit. Never been to Madison Square Garden. He just goes, yeah, just bring it in. And then, in which case, I always go, oh, okay. Instead of going, you fucking retarded? I'm your dad. You know what the fuck you're talking about? I just go, you just walk it in. He goes, yeah, I was just walking in. I don't know where people get that, but they get that thing. Like, you Know, and every ounce of my fiber of my being is saying, they're not going to let you just walk in with leftovers. Otherwise, everyone bring their own hot dogs.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Something about lo mein on the sign.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So I go, listen, I think we should stash it like a shrub or something on the way here. And then he goes, what if a rat gets it? I go, well, you know, that may be a bridge to cross, you know, But I say, we need to stash it even in a trash can. I say to him, and he goes, trash can? What? I go, it's in a plastic bag. It'll be tied off if we set it on top of something. It's not like anyone's going to get to it. And he goes, now we'll just bring it in. And I'm like. For some reason, I'm listening to him. So then I go, I know what we should do. We're passing by all the guys with the falafel vendors, right? I go, I'll give it to this guy. I'll give him five bucks. I'll tell him just to slide it in the shelf at the bottom of his falafel cart and we'll come pick it up in two hours. It'll take the five bucks to slide it under there.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

I like this. I like this idea.

[Adam Carolla]

My son says, again, no, let's just bring it in. I don't think they're gonna. So then smash Cut Dust walking in, he's holding the bag, and the person's like, is that food? It's out. And he's like, now we're both standing there, and a line is forming, and I'm standing there holding the fucking food, going, now what? So I go, hold on a second. And I run out and I start looking around, but now I'm on the clock. Cause we're going into the venue and I find some signage and a barrier and stuff, and I slide it under. I stash it under, under it.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

Win.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That is awesome. What a victory.

[Adam Carolla]

Except for it came out after the game. Gone, gone, gone.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

My freshman year of college, James A. Baker brought Bill Clinton to speak. And there was like, you could go. You could go. Just wait in line. And they had a real strict policy. What, you couldn't bring in really anything. So I just. I had my gym bag with me and some. Some clothes in there. So I went and just stuck it in some bushes somewhere and then went to see it. And when I came back, it was gone. Oh, yeah, because the Secret Service is pretty good about finding bombs.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they swept your. Yeah, they swept your back.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I got it back. Which campus police kept it, but, yeah, that was like. That's exactly the thing they would be looking for.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

A mysterious package tucked away.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

Yeah, exactly right.

[Adam Carolla]

You.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I was 18, so.

[Adam Carolla]

You're 18.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I was 18 at that point, so. Pretty stupid. But more industrious than your son in this Secret Service.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

Got your gym clothes.

[Adam Carolla]

I just. I'm. I'm. I'm. My son isn't wired this way, but there's a lot of people just know stuff, even though they don't know it and they say it. All right, let's do this. I've said many times that I fall prey to liars because I don't lie. And so it's real easy to lie to me because I don't even know what liars. I'm like, why would somebody lie? I don't lie. Who lies? And then when you can lie to me all day long and I believe you, because I'm not a liar. People lie all the time. The grifters, the flim flam artists. They're always keen to call everyone a liar or bullshit artist. I don't trust that guy. I'm always just babe in the woods. I'm like, he says he's this way. I believe him. So also, I feel that way about certitude. I have no certitude. I know certain things and I don't know other things. And if I don't know something, I won't say I know it. So when you tell me, no, I know which way to go. We're going this way and we just turn down the trail. I'll just follow you going. I guess he knows which way. He doesn't know which way he's going. I would stop and go, I don't know which way we're going. But you walk with purpose, with confidence.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, my fiance does that. She'll be going somewhere and she'll be leading me. I'm like, wait, I'm the one who knows where it is. Why are you in front of me? It's the confidence.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

Confidently incorrect.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what's weird? So it's funny, it translated finally into this. I travel with a guy named Mike August. He does the same thing. He has certitude with everything, and he just takes off a certain direction. And then I find myself going, mike, are we going? That's not. The hotel's not that direct. He goes, come on. And one time I said to him he was going the wrong direction. And I yelled, we're staying at the Venetian or something. And I said, mike, you're going the wrong direction. The Venetian's the other way. And he goes, all roads lead to the Venetian. And he kept going. And I'm like, some lead back to Burbank, Mike. They don't all. Well, no, when you turn your back to the Venetian and start walking the other direction, no, those roads don't go. But he's got certitude.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It sounds profound.

[Adam Carolla]

Mike's got so much certitude that in New York, we had a lot of car services picking us up because we're doing a Fox special at some place in Jersey. No, not in Jersey, Long Island. And then we did Gutfeld and blah, blah, blah. They're constantly sending cars to the hotel. And then New York, it's all just one black Lincoln. Cars being navigators being sent. Should be in front of the hotel. Mike got into three different vehicles that were the wrong vehicles because he's walking toward a thing. And I go, is that our car? Yeah, it's okay. Get in. And he gets into the back of a car, and I go, is it a Lincoln? Is it a Lincoln? Hey, said it was a Lincoln. I go, did he say it was a Lincoln? Come on, let's go. And the person sitting behind the wheel going, what this? We even drove for one block with one car, and the guy stopped and kicked us out. But the point is, he has so much certitude that he gets into the back of the wrong car. Just going, this is our car.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

We're there.

[Adam Carolla]

We're here, we're here. And I go, but there's a lot of cars and a lot of people, and there's a lot of hotel rooms, and they're sending cars. We don't you want to check? He's like, what are you talking about? He just jumps in. Yeah, we're in the wrong car, but he has purpose and certitude.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, we were in the. We were at the airport with my fiance, and this woman with, like, a thick German accent came up to us, just asked where something was, and she. My fiance pointed her in some direction, and we were at the Seoul Airport. We had landed three minutes earlier. We had been in all of Korea for three minutes. The signs don't even have English, like, our Alphabet on them. And she just gave this lady directions based on nothing but her own confidence.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And it's. I'm interested in that person because I never have a problem going, I don't know. I gotta ask Somebody or something. I don't. Is it. Is it the novel? Is it. I don't think you would say she's a know it all.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

But feels compelled to summon an answer for question that she can't really answer.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

She is a very high, like, executive functioning person. So she just. Her. Her whole kind of life mindset is just choose and do.

[Adam Carolla]

If you.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

If you spend time overanalyzing every choice, you'll lose more than by making the wrong choice. So I think it's more of her just. She's been incentivized enough. She was a former pro athlete. She's incentivized to just take action, whatever it is, and not stall out on that. So not so much a false confidence in herself, but just. Here's something here. Just take this.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

She sent a German lady on a wild goose chase.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, yeah. I have some of that certitude you're talking about. I can be very confident in my beliefs with. With no real proof behind them. I'll pronounce, I'll correct people on things, but they were right. I have a little bit of that. I think I have way too much confidence in my own intellect and see myself as much smarter than I am.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's an interesting concept for the room. I would like to conduct this experiment with people, but I'm curious. I notice a lot of people making the same mistakes a lot of the time, sort of over and over. Lots of. I grew up with a lot of those guys. We've discussed it on this show. The girlfriend that's late misses the flight, then late the next time, doesn't get the doctor's appointment, then late, misses the audition or whatever they're going for, and you just go, why do you keep doing this thing that hurts you? And then how come you don't learn real quick that this is bad? Right, Right. Which is the hallmark of all the losers we grew up with or went to high school with. Certain family members, where you go, you just keep doing the stupid fucking thing over and over again. It doesn't serve you, it burns you. And yet you won't let it go, Right? Well, you love comedy. You're comedy fans. That's why you're listening to this podcast. And the funniest comedians in the world are on tour right now. And you can get tickets to see them live near you. So they're traveling, and you're bringing the mountain to Mohammed. They're coming to your town. You don't have to go to their town to see them. And they got Huge names in comedy. Atsuko Okatsuka is coming out. Maybe not a household name, but I bet if you're listening, you know, comedy, you love Atsuko. Bill Burr. Well, there's a guy, you know, Sebastian Maniscalco is coming to town near you, and so many more. All kinds of shows, all kinds of venues, all kinds of funny. So head to livenation.comcomedy to get your tickets today. That's livenation.comcomedy. and get caught up on all the comedy. So I was staying in New York at Dr. Drew's condo, which is very lovely. It's in Hudson Yards. And it was very cold in New York. And I noticed that when I left Drew's condo for the first time and walked across the carpet down the hall to where the elevator was, when I pressed the button, I got a static shock off of the button, visible. And, you know, it didn't hurt, really, but it was like. It was a shock. It was, like, a little unpleasant from the static of the carpet. I was in and out, in and out for about three or four days, Just all day, every day. And I think I did it a second time. I think I did it a second time. I think the next day, I got out and left in the morning and walked across the carpet to push the button and got to stop static shock from that point on. And it was like 12 other times, my sleeve would come down over my finger. I would push it with my elbow. I had a glove that I was wearing because it was so cold. I would. Even the gloves weren't on, but I would push on top of the gloves. Lesson learned. Like, I did not want that shock ever again. But judging from how a lot of people live their life, they would continuously take that shock and maybe just be unaware of it every single time. Like, I wanted to conduct an experiment where I got a bunch of people together and I said, we are staying in a luxury condo in the Hudson Yards, and we're here to study what kind of coffee you like and how it affects you and your REM sleep. But I really just be studying. All I'd be studying is the hallway and the button and the thing, right? And I would get people from all walks of life, all different educations, and some that had problems with learning and stuff. And I would break it all down, and I would keep giving them excuses like, we need to meet in the lobby because we're going down to the Folgers warehouse and we're looking at coffee, right? And then I'd send them back up again. And go, oh, you forgot to bring your pamphlet. Go back. And I'd keep. And I just film them in the lobby the whole time. And I'd want to know the group that learn their lesson. And then I would check their median income and check their level of education, see how many see if they've been divorced or not. Like, and I would bet that group would thrive compared to the ones you know, the ones who have the low battery chirp and the smoke detector going in perpetuity like they never get up.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

People who can't seem to fix the.

[Adam Carolla]

They can't seem to fix the behavior. I got like one and a half shocks. Never again.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I'm not.

[Adam Carolla]

And I'm not even that great. I just like, I'm not gonna get a shock. I know what's coming.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

The marshmallow test for adults.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, yes.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Very Pavlovian. Yes, yes. I would say that you would see some, definitely some scattered results. There are brilliant, successful people who are really fuck ups at the little things. I know my equivalent of the keep pressing the button is I'm very addicted to my cell phone and I spend a lot of time on it doing things that only bring me down. When I'm on my cell phone, I'm usually just in a worse and worse mood every minute I'm on it. I'm not looking at good things. I'm looking at stupid comments and dumb videos. And I don't have the intelligence to just go, this is hurting me, stop.

[Adam Carolla]

I know. I mean, yes and no. There's people that know, they know the cigarette isn't good for them, you know, but they go smile. They know the drink isn't good for them, or they know looking at pornography.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

But there's some upside. There's no upside.

[Adam Carolla]

This is just a physical zap like you would give a shock is what you would give. If you're trying to study rats and which one ate the good food and which one ate the bad, you would give them a little electrical shock.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

This is the smartest guy starts to weaponize that. Because when I figured this out, that you could just shock somebody's face instead of the button, huh? Yeah, once you fire up your feet like that. Now if you're positively charged, they're negatively charged and you touch somebody in the face is a nice one.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you'd be like a warlock.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

Exactly right.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Little X Men powers. Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

Now I will tell you, there would be like, you would break that group that I was studying up into like three stratas. I think you'd be There'd be the top tier, which is. It happened once and I made sure it didn't happen again.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

Elite.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Then there'd be this sort of middle strata, which is probably most of my family, which they'd go, I know, I hate it. I get shocked every time. Like, what are you gonna, you know, like, what are you gonna do? You know, it's just there. Yeah, it sucks. I hated it. But what are you gonna do?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Conscious incompetence, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And then there'd be the third strata, which is like a lot of guys I went to high school with, where they'd be like, what shock? You got shocked? And they'd go, yeah, dude, what's up? But I don't remember. Yeah, like they wouldn't even. They're so thick. They didn't even experience it or they experienced it, but immediately just kind of rolled on to the next. Those are the guys who fight with cops. You know that group? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I think of everything through the lens of if you're trying to get better at something, it's the algorithm of attempt, assess, adjust over and over again. And you should be able to build competency at most tasks if you can follow that. Attempt takes courage, assess takes patience and humility. And then adjust is the creative, intelligent part. So do it. Look at how you did try something different. And it's amazing how many people. I know physicists who can't figure out stand up comedy because I see them not doing the assess part. They do it, they do it wrong and then they don't hear laughter, but keep doing it the same.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. The big component to this one is you might experience it on a Friday morning, but then not have to touch the button again for 24 hours. Like, do you have the memory? Do you know, it's a kind of like you get a flat, you put your space saver spare on, you throw your flat tire in the trunk of your car. Now you're driving around with no spare. Mm. How long do you drive around with no spare? Like, do you have the memory or are you just driving? That's like a lot of people.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That is a big factor of just, just working memory. A lot of people just do. I'm. I have like no short term memory, so I just forget what I'm doing while I'm doing it. I have decent long term memory, but just that. You're right. It's not even the stupidity of just the, oh, yeah, there's no spare in there. Or some people. My fiance would be hyper aware of every Mile she drove without it because that is a panic inducing thing because she considers the future I live. I am less in the future and more anywhere but anywhere else in my mind. So I feel like I don't consider the future. And I might drive around a while without.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

I already forgot what we're talking about.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

There we go.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm like Vin Diesel. I live my life a quarter mile.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

Family.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So, so for you was standup always the thought?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

No, I didn't really consider it till I was 23 and I started it a few weeks later. I had a very academic family so I was just pushed into.

[Adam Carolla]

What's the family do?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Dad was a chemist, mom was a microbiologist.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that is very academic.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And that was, you know, I was. Math was one of my stronger skills among everything. So my parents always just said that's going to be what your job is, whether it's accountant or engineer. And I tried comedy when I was 23 just to try something different and I really liked it right away.

[Adam Carolla]

How are your parents with it?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Still not huge fans. My dad passed away. He was kind of starting to get it before I left. But my mom, if I have like a bad set, I can't call her. She was like, sounds rough. You should quit and go to grad school.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So they had, I mean it's not supportive but they had plans for you, which is something, right.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And they're just very practical people and they know the math of how hard it is, how what a lottery ticket it is to try to make it in this industry and even if you make it, how unstable it is. They just wanted more stability for me. Still do.

[Adam Carolla]

Still do.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Uh huh.

[Adam Carolla]

But with your dad's past, would your mom. Did she watch a special?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

She's seen it all in parts she's maybe not watching on YouTube but she knows the material. She likes my stand up. She's not like she doesn't hate my material. I'm not. There's nothing she's embarrassed by. Minus. I read a note she wrote my fiance. That's my favorite part of the special. And she doesn't like that. I read that on stage, but it's just too great. It's too great. It's like most, most wonderful thing I've ever presented on stage. And it's her writing.

[Adam Carolla]

Her writing. Can we. Mind if we see that?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah, I'll read it out loud.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, it's on your phone.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

It's on my phone. Wanna read it?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I do. I'm very.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Check it out on the Special, too.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm very curious why some people share things with other people the way they share them with other people.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

What is that, like, me sharing this or my mom sharing this?

[Adam Carolla]

This is very healthy. Your mom. I've deemed this healthy. No, like, I'm very interested. I don't know. I'm acutely aware of this. Where you go. They're the people that just share information that seems unnecessary to share. Like there's sometimes you'll go shopping for cars, you know, and then you go to the Volvo dealership and they go, we got an X90. And then you go, how much? And they go, the lease payment is 975amonth at 10,000 miles. And then you're thinking to yourself, oh, shit, there's a better Volvo Van. Nuys just said it was 6.75amonth, you know? So you're thinking to yourself, oh, fuck, I'm not going for this. So you go, okay, well, let us give it some thought. And Are you open Monday? Yeah. Some stupid question. How late are you open on Sunday? Okay, let's give some thought. But the person next to you go, van Nuys has it for 675, and theirs are nicer. And you just go, we're just leaving. Do we have to stop? We have to do that. And by the way, the person that's selling the car doesn't own the dealer, doesn't give a fuck, and is making 26 bucks an hour and not even getting commission anymore. Just make some sort of nice something. Let's go back to the car. We don't have to do this.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I think the word you're looking for is Jewish. This is. I'm Jewish. My mom is Jewish. We just do that. If we have a feeling, we say it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's so much. Or something. Like, people will go. They'll go. They'll give you the thing. They'll go. Then the waitress will come by and she'll go, you know, how you enjoying this sandwich? It's a little dry. It's like you're already done with it. We're not gonna come back and eat. We will never order it again. Just leave the person alone. Let's just. Why? Why we share it?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I think it's just lack of impulse and just the lack of considering all of the effects of saying that. There's also some huge benefit to being a person who overshares. I overshare. I work with Bert Kreischer a bit, and he's a guy who just lets everything out. And it is Very endearing.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And it causes some problems in his life, but it is very fun to listen to.

[Adam Carolla]

I agree. I just. It reminds me like, I remember when I was a little kid in my, I don't know, 10 years, I was a little kid and my friend Chris had a little brother like Rick. He was like seven. And the maid, they had this big fat maid. And the maid was gonna sit down and he said, don't sit in the chair, you'll break it. You're so fat. You know, in his mind, he's trying to spare the chair. Everyone else is standing there going, oh, fuck. Jesus Christ, why don't I have to stand there and hear that shit now? You can go, well, he's just a free spirit. But I mean, think about the people standing next to you. That's what I'm saying. All right, so your mom.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

So I. The contempt you have for that kind of behavior is the same contempt I have for people who don't pull out their IDs. You're not thinking about the emotional needs of people, or in other cases, you're not thinking about the logistical needs of people. And. Yeah, don't get him fired up on the airport, please.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's true.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Other note. Birthday card from my mom to my fiance, Laura.

[Adam Carolla]

What year?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

This is a year or two ago.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. For her birthday.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

For her birthday. Dear Laura. Almost sent it to. Wrong address. Deleted Old one. So no more mix ups. Again.

[Adam Carolla]

More. Don't need. Don't need. Superfluous. Unnecessary.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

So unnecessary. Written by hand. Writing's hard, I get it. But yeah, just.

[Adam Carolla]

That's our argument, right? It's hard.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Stream of consciousness, love. It sounds like all is going well for you with work. You are such a go getter. I know. That is some of the many reasons Matthew loves you so much. Thanks for keeping him so happy.

[Adam Carolla]

So good.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

My role is definitely over and I'm learning to accept it.

[Adam Carolla]

Told over sharing.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Told the boys to grow up and fly away. And they did have a happy day. And she doesn't understand why this is funny.

[Adam Carolla]

A little cathartic.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I think it's great. I've tried to tell her to people that women come up to me after the show and say, this is the kind of things I say to my children. I liked hearing that. It's not that it's funny, it's things that we are all thinking. You just have the courage to say it. And I find it very.

[Adam Carolla]

The courage or the lack of situational awareness and. Or Governor?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Probably the latter. More probably the lack of yeah, but again, Jews, we are rewarded in our communities. And it's also, like, cultural norms. What's rude in one place, what's not in another. I like. There's a great line from was the big short. He's so transparent into self interest that it's almost refreshing. I like people with low EQ because I studied math in college. That is an absolute magnet for people who have low emotional human awareness. And you know what you're getting? Yes, they're a bit of a thrashing bull or a bull in a china shop, but you're never gonna get something insincere. And if there's something bothering, if something bothering them, they're probably gonna be earnest about it. So you don't have to pussyfoot around. People with too much courtesy and manners make me uncomfortable. Cause I don't know what I might be doing wrong.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

So you prefer people to go from, like, Jewish to autistic?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yes.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

Okay.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

My policy would be summed up probably nicely in this metaphor, which is if somebody showed me a picture of the hairstyle they were thinking about getting and said, I'm thinking about getting this hairstyle. What do you think of this hairstyle? I would then look at the picture and I would say, I don't think that Dorothy Hamill or the Paige girl is a good idea for a woman your age or your. With your features. I would say something nice. I don't. I wouldn't do it. I don't think it's good. I don't think most men like real short hair on a woman. Women always talk about it. They love it. But really what they're saying is, I don't have any competition with this bitch for about nine months until that shit grows out. So they always go, oh, my God, so cute. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Whenever a woman gets really excited, just means, bitch. You've been sidelined for a year while your hair grows back out, and I don't have to deal with you. Men don't traditionally, like, they move you.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Into the D leagues.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah. You get kicked down a triple A. But so my policy is you show me a picture and say, I'm thinking about getting this haircut. And I go, I wouldn't do it. I don't think it's gonna look good on you. And I don't like it. You come out of the hairstylist and meet me for lunch and say, what do you think of my new haircut? And it's the exact same haircut. I go, it looks awesome on you.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

And I can go either way. One is, we can never change this. So you already did it, and you squeeze the trigger, and I'm not dating you, so I don't give a fuck. So I just go, it looks amazing, and that's that. The other is, I will intervene and get involved. And those are my two policies. Same haircut.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You seem to be aware of others feelings and needs.

[Adam Carolla]

Is that true? Because I'm constantly accused of not possessing that gene.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That's such a deep impact.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't like extra information. I don't know if you guys know what I'm talking about.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

In my world, I would want the other person to be unaware, but I would like to be like you. I don't want to be more of a of that, but I prefer people around me being the less aware ones. And I'd like to be the aware one. I'd like to never be saying things that hurt people's feelings or make them think too much about what I just said.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I think that's a. That's a good goal. It takes a lot of work and patience. And I'm not in, like, I don't think I'm naturally gifted. I feel like women in general seem to be just so aware of everything that might hurt someone's feelings and are able to, like, walk around it. Which is why when women hurt your feelings, they can do it really well because they know all your soft spots. If you actually provoke them, they know how to get under your skin a lot faster. I feel.

[Adam Carolla]

I find that women use hyperbole too liberally. And it's sort of. It's like when people say literally over and over again, it doesn't really. I literally. The car backfired. I literally jumped out of my skin. Literally.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Literally. Non, hyperbolically.

[Adam Carolla]

Now you're just talking and you mean nothing. And I've always found that women, you know, like my daughter, she's 18, she's fine, she's nice, everything's good. But, like, sometimes she doesn't get her way. She'll go, I never get to do anything. It's like you're in Maui two days ago.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I mean? You can't say you never get to ever get your way, like, ever. It's like it was landing on deaf ears because you live a blessed life. Now you can say, I'm disappointed. I wish this went this way. I find women go too hard in the over the top exaggeration. And they'll say stuff like, we never get to do what I want to do ever. And you're like, remember last night? You wanted Chinese food and I wanted Italian food. And we ended up eating Chinese food night last night.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I have won a battle via couples counseling where we have a rule. Now, when my fiance and I fight, if she uses words, like, ever, never, always, I can call it and say, hey, let's be careful with those words. And she'll take a pause and go, okay. Very often when we do this, this happens, and I can usually win that. But in general, our fights are very. A real frequent thing to our fights is that she'll say something and I will nitpick the details of it. And from both sides, the other person thinks the other person. From a woman's perspective, if someone's trying to tear apart the small, frivolous details of your argument, it does feel like manipulation. It does feel like you're being jerked around and losing on these odd technicalities. But from my perspective, if we can't agree on reality, how are we going to agree on feelings? Because reality is the thing that we should definitely have an objective answer to. Then the feelings portion of it, that is way more complicated if we can't even get the base level, like, I'll nitpick her on, like, yeah, I don't.

[Adam Carolla]

Know that reality and feelings are in two separate categories. With a lot of women, I think their feelings and their reality sort of coalescing. One. I've seen it. One haze that floats over their head. And I do notice it. Has anyone had this with. With women where they. They'll say something like. They'll say something like, you didn't go to our daughters. You missed our. Our daughter's recital because you wanted to watch football with your buddies, right? And then you go, no, I left during the early game. I got in the car, I drove the recital, and I got a flat tire on the way in, and it took me 15 minutes to change it. And when I got to the recital, they locked me out of the auditorium, and they wouldn't let anyone in until after the recital. That's why I didn't see the recital. And they go, first off, they don't believe you. And they go, you're 15 minutes late. And they locked the door. And you go, yeah, they didn't let people in once the recital started. And they go. And I go, all right, A year later, if you're arguing, they'll go, oh, like that time you missed a recital. And you're like, we went over that in great detail. It should be checked off your Box. Like your list of shit to gripe about. That one should be removed because I told you exactly what happened. But it'll never leave your list because the Feelings, the reality list is always crossing and bleeding over, never quite defined.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

She printed the retraction, yet the headline still stands.

[Adam Carolla]

The headline still stands. That's exactly the.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

Emma is still in her bandolin.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. Mama Cass Elliot died eating a ham sandwich. She did not die choking on a ham sandwich. Sorry. That's the joke we made after Mama Cass from the Mamas and the Papas died. And we like that story. And that's how we roll.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And you're having to go back and relitigate cases that were already.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So I'm saying with women, they don't have the fantasy hamper and the reality hamper. They have one hamper, and they try to keep things separated, but the colors and the whites bleed in to one another.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

Wait, so now you have to. You're doing counseling, so you have to do, like, argue in a new language. Essentially. It's like the rules. You're laying out the lawfare sort of rules. Right.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

The big rule was, when it gets heated, we have to take a break. We have to say, hey, this is getting nasty. We need to go cool down. We're very bad at that part. And we really haven't gotten past that part. So that's all we ever worked on, and we never solved that. And then the other thing is. Yeah, the. When. It's great. It's great in general for when you're trying to critique someone's behavior. Never say what they did wrong. Say when you did blank. A non. I mean, you probably already know this, but a non judgmental appraisal of their actions. When you left blank. Blank. Like, not when you were bad at.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

When you did blank I statements.

[Adam Carolla]

I felt.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

There you go. And that is super useful. That goes both ways. I. I think we both benefit from that.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, you do?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

But I do feel the thing you're saying about feelings. And that's her argument. Well, it's like. Well, you could argue feelings are the realest thing. Reality is just some. We have some periscope into reality based on five flawed senses. But a feeling, when a feeling's there, it's the only thing that exists.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That's not how I feel. But that's.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, look, a feeling is. By the way, saying, like, you made me feel this way is up there with my truth, which is once it made me feel. Once we open this window up, then everyone, all the time is Open to interpretation. You know what I mean? Like, you can feel threatened even if the person didn't threaten you, but you felt threatened. So if you felt threatened, then who threatened you? And the answer is, I can't. You can't feel threatened. And nobody threatened you.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You were on Emmett Till.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Right. It's a show, ladies. We got to reel it in.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Move back toward the math.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

The one I have is. Is that where like. Oh, we'll be. She'll be having a very, like, she'll be very upset and trying to explain how she feels as she was. And you were two hours late. I'm like, I was 90 minutes late.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh. And then she crazy because I'm always.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I'm just saying. Well, she's like, what's the difference of like 30 minutes?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

That's the difference.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, 25%. Yeah. Well, because what women, when you're arguing with accurate math based guys like me or like Matthew, and they go, I had the same thing. My girlfriend goes, you got TVs spread out all over the back of the warehouse. They're all over the place. I go, there's three of them.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

You sound like such a dick. You sound like a dick. You sound like Rain Man.

[Adam Carolla]

But why am I a dick for being accurate?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I agree.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what I'm saying? There are three TVs. I didn't say there were two because there isn't two. There's three. There's three. And they're all laying on top of each other, leaning against the wall. They're not spread out all over the place. And there's not a thousand of them. There's just three. And this is where they are.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Math exists to remove our feelings. That's why I love math. That's why I love numbers. It exists because it has no feelings. A number is the most. Not is the most unemotional thing in the world. No one has different feelings. The number just is there. And it is an accurate representation of whatever you're trying to show. So when I say a number and she. A correct number and she gets mad, it doesn't make sense to me. I have, in response to that, the emotional response she's having into whatever bullshit I pulled.

[Adam Carolla]

But it's a good point in that I have twins. And so you can solve. You can see a lot of these problems through the eyes of boy, girl, twins.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

A, B, testing.

[Adam Carolla]

My son is right. Very analytical and very good at math in his head. My daughter is not good at math and very emotional.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

We do call That a small sample size.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. And I would argue that the math kind of keeps hyperbole in check because you can't say you got a million TVs thrown all over the place back there, or you can't say every time because every time statistically doesn't really exist. So when you come at it from a mass standpoint, you would say oftentimes, maybe the majority of the time or some of the time. But you would never go all the time. If we're doing my test about people getting shocked pressing Dr. Drew's elevator button, you wouldn't say every time, those idiots, you know, you go the majority time or 72% of the time, or whatever that is. So I think math in general keeps you sort of from getting over your argument. Steez.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, I'll give you a good one. Just so we're not harping on the ladies on the way out. There is a version of this where people lie and this is a chick thing. But I know a lot of guys do it. They want something, so they lie in order to make that thing come true, you know? So they go. They go, let's order grubhub and have them pick up a pizza. And then you go, why don't we just order the pizza and I'll just go down there and get it. And they'll go, it's an hour each way. And you go, it's seven minutes, you know? They go, oh, well, it's way out there. You go, no, no, I can get there in seven and get back and seven, I'll get the pizza. But they use a kind of hyperbole lie to figure out what they want.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I respect this.

[Adam Carolla]

Listen, Mike August, who I'm traveling with, we're going to Fox. We're doing Gutfeld on Friday. We're stuck in midtown traffic. It's a shit show. It's New York. It's the holiday season. And we're just sitting on one of those 39th street just parked, right? I'm looking at the ways says we're going to get there at 4:15. It's like 15 minutes later than we're supposed to be there, but it's fine. Or 1:15 or whatever it is. Mike August goes, let's get out and walk. Let's get out and walk. It's 22 degrees outside, but fine. I'm wearing a suit and dress shoes, you know. But he goes, let's get out and walk. I go, what's the walking time take? He goes, get there at 1:18. I go, well, if we stay in the car, we'll get there at 1:15, so let's just stay in the car. He goes, the technology screwed up. I go, well, how come the technology is right for walking, but it's wrong with walking, but right with my car, whatever it is. Like, which technology are we using? So he goes, we need to walk, we need to walk. And I go, mike, how far away? He goes, we're a mile away. I go, okay, well, he goes, we're a mile away, we'll be there in 10 minutes. I go, no. I go, you can't walk a 10 minute mile. He goes, sure you can.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

No, you can.

[Adam Carolla]

I go, no, you can't. He goes, oh, yeah, we walk a 10 minute mile. Now, Mike doesn't know. Mike wants to get out of the car and he wants me to get out of the car. So he doesn't care. Math. Call it lying, call it what it is. So then he goes, he goes, oh, yeah, yeah, we can walk it in 10. I go, Mike, if you ever run a six minute mile, you're running your ass off. Like anyone who remembers junior high or high school where they're trying to get you to run a six minute mile, you're fucking hoofing that, you're fucking throwing up at the end. I mean, maybe pathetic, but a six minute mile, you run as, as hard as you fucking can for six minutes.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Most people can't do that.

[Adam Carolla]

Most people can't do it. I go, this is not 10 minutes. If I'm running like a maniac, like I'm being chased by a demon for a mile, this is not 40% more than that. This isn't that. It's not 10 minutes. He goes, you can cover a lot, you know. He goes, you can run a mile in under three minutes.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

I go, hussein who?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

No one. No one ever. 348 or 352 or something.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So I go, no, you can't. He goes, yeah, you don't run in there. I go, the record was a four. Was a four minute mile. Was broken like the early 50s. It was a four minute mile. I think that's right. Yeah, that was back then. It's under three now. No, it is not. It is not under three months.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

How bad is inflation got?

[Adam Carolla]

Jesus, I looked it up, by the way. It's, it's like 4:45 or 3:4, 3, 4:5. We shaved 15 or 16 seconds freakish.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

Off of that while you're sprinting, my friend.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Was like a 3. It was a 358. And he was the Mexican a guy went to college with. He was Pablo358 and that was the Mexican national record.

[Matthew Broussard]

Yeah.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Just to be barely under four would be the fastest Mexican ever.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And so Espidia Gonzalez didn't do it in under four.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

Solaris.

[Adam Carolla]

So I was saying, Mike, nobody's done under a three minute mile. That doesn't exist. He's like, they did four minutes. That was like four. That's fast.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Spicy, by the way. That's 20 miles per hour.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a. You know math. I know math, but he wanted to do something is my whole point. He doesn't know what the record is for the mile. He doesn't know. I went back and looked it up. You walk a mile, an average between like 19 and 24 minutes. It's twice what he said it was. But twice what he said it was would have got us there after the car said we're gonna get there and he wanted to get out of the car, so he just said whatever he wanted to try to get me out of the car. Other bigger problem is. I'm talking about this to you, Matthew, and I see quickly, you understand distance and time and records.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

There's no debating math.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Right. So you're Savante and you understand. Here's my point. You're not talking to the dizzy blonde you picked up at the restaurant and want to get out of the car with. You're talking to a guy who knows numbers, knows times, knows sports and knows records and knows you're wrong. Why are you carrying on? It's my question. But the point is there's a new breed of liar. It's the I want to do something, so I'll just say whatever I have to say to get this thing to happen.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I think that's what politicians are.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what the politicians. Right, that's what it.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Whatever number.

[Adam Carolla]

And I don't, I don't even consider them liars. They're just like, I want to do something, so I'm just going to start shitting out stuff I just don't understand.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

And this is what you were saying earlier, when it comes out of your mouth, do you believe it? Because I have a lot of trouble saying something that is provably wrong. I can, I can like, you know, if there's like shades of gray to whatever I'm saying, I can find myself being able to justify, you know, bullshitting. But like hard incorrect facts is a. It's a tough one.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

How'd Mike August do with the shock test?

[Adam Carolla]

He would keep, he would keep touching it. He would keep getting shocked. And when you talk to him about it later, he wouldn't know what you were talking about and then would get confused and say something like, so you want to get rid of the carpet and put tile down. And I'd go, no, I'm doing a test, a tile test. And then at some point you get frustrated and you go, all right, just forget. But let's go the next person.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

A correction on the math. You can walk a 10 minute mile. I think the Olympic walkers. Yeah, those guys, I think it's like six or seven minute miles. It might be a little faster. But those guys, the ones who like.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they look like shorts.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

They look like when a lifeguard yells, no running at a kid, what they do right afterwards. Those guys can definitely go 10 minute miles.

[Adam Carolla]

But yeah, that. And if you're at a Broadway musical and they all sudden realize you have diarrhea, that's your walk up that aisle. Yeah.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

Plug it with the Playbill.

[Adam Carolla]

The special. Hyperbolic is the name. It is out as we speak. Rooster's Comedy Club, which used to be Rooster T Feathers.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Oh, yeah, it might be. I don't know what it is now.

[Adam Carolla]

Sunnyvale. It's coming December 19th through the 22nd. Great spot. And you go to. How do we spell it? We'll spell it. B R O U S S A R D. Live right for dates.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Good seeing Matthew.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Thank you so much for having me.

[Adam Carolla]

We'll have Sam Tripoli and we'll do that right after this.

[Dawson]

Adam Carolla comes clean, now [e-mail] I.

[Adam Carolla]

Think the problem with Olympics fencing is the outfits. They dress like X ray technicians with a spaghetti colander on their head. They should be forced to wear the outfits of their country swordsmen from back in the day. Right. France would have a musketeer. Japan would have a samurai. United States, a homeless guy with a machete. He's got a load in his sweatpants.

[Dawson]

Subscribe to Angel.com Adam to get exclusive access to the full dry bar comedy special Adam Carolla comes clean.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Simply safe right now. That's the best time of the year to get some home security. Simply safe. Well, they're extending their Black Friday deal only for my listeners. Last chance to protect your home at Simplisafe's. Lowest prices of the year. We all use Simplisafe here. We've used them for years. Over a decade they've been a sponsor. It's great because everything is modular. So if you move, you can pick up your system and leave and take it with you. That's simply safe. They have active guard. Outdoor protection changes the game by preventing crime before it happens. That's right. Let's not find the person in your house, let's find them outside your house. If someone's lurking around acting suspicious, agents see them in real time, talk to them directly, set off the spotlight, even call the police. No long term contracts and no big time fees. It's about a buck a day for the Simplisafe protection. It's Simplisafe, right, Dawson?

[Dawson]

Simplisafe is extending its massive Black Friday deal for our listeners this week. Only take 1550% off any new system with a select professional monitoring plan. This is your last chance to claim their best offer of the year. Head to SimpliSafe.com Adam to claim your discount and make sure your home is safe this season. Don't wait. This offer won't last long. Keep your home, your family and your peace of mind protected with Simplisafe. There's no safe like Simplisafe Hydro.

[Adam Carolla]

This holiday season there should be only one fitness gift on your list. Not a treadmill, not elliptical, not a bike. No. Give the gift of the full body workout and you do it from the comfort of your own home. Hydro rower. It works 86% of your muscles, arms, legs, your core, all in just 20 minutes. This thing is great. I use it every day. You really get the full body workout. You don't have to go anywhere. You can watch the screen, which is pretty cool. You can also just watch TV if you want. Again, no excuses. It's only 20 minutes. They've got you covered by the way. Hydro does free standard shipping, 30 day risk free trial and a one year warranty. It's a great workout. It's a great gift and it looks good too. It's like a piece of modern furniture. It's hydro. Right, Dawson?

[Dawson]

Give the gift of a full body workout all from the comfort of home with hydro. Head over to hydro.com and use code ADAM to save up to $800 off your hydro. That's H Y-R-O-W.com, code ADAM to save up to 800 dollars. Hydro.com, code ADAM.

[Adam Carolla]

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[Dawson]

It's time to check Adam's voicemail.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, Ace. Todd out here in Maryland. I saw the most ridiculously stupid thing the other day. First of all, the guy was wearing a mask. You know, it's almost 20, 25. Still wearing a mask, wearing a mask below his nose and pulled it down to cough. You can't make this up, Ace, man, get it on.

[Dawson]

You can leave us a message at 888-634-1744.

[Adam Carolla]

Sam, Tripoli in the building.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Good to be back.

[Adam Carolla]

Sam Special is quite available on his website, SamTripoli.com and other outlets as well. Very funny, Special. Can we agree before we get to the news, can we agree on the era we're living in? As I stayed in Dr. Drew's condo in Hudson yards in Manhattan, I need the TV set. Like, I feel like a mother without her child. You know, without stripped of the TV set, it's like I feel vulnerable and naked without a tv. I love tv. I love coming home and turning the TV on. Even if I'm not paying attention, I like it on. You know, I was raised by the tv. I didn't read. My parents were shit. But there was always Speed Racer and the Brady Bunch in Gilligan's island, and it was always there. And when I go somewhere and I can't control the tv, the worst, I go into a spiral. Like, I feel vulnerable, and I go to Dr. Drew's condo, and there's four remotes, and none of them are really good. There's four possibilities. And as I'm picking, at some point, I called Dr. Drew here in LA and I go, look, I gotta know what's going on with Asian Ross. He's like, well, there's a black. They're all black. Well, the one's got the wheel, and they all have the wheel in the middle. Well, this one's. Oh, God. Sonos, Sony. God damn it. And I realize we went from no TV remotes, which is my childhood, to too many TV remotes. We are living in an era of remote abundance, and it's too much. It's overkill. I want one remote. I Wanna know what it does? And I want it to be in everyone's home, and I want it to be in every hotel in America. And I don't want any options. I want the remote. I want one remote and I want one shower valve. Cause I went right from not being able to use the fucking TV to. Into the shower with the two chrome things. No numbers, no colors, no nothing. I turning one, and it just came out of the hand sprayer into the wall, and I started turning the other one. Now it's like, is it hot? If you said there was one valve for showers and there was one remote for the tv would be fucking Utopia. Every hotel. Every hotel, you'd walk in like boss fucking hog, right? You just come walk, you'd strut, you'd grab the fucking remote with the zest and zeal, right? Like in Combat.

[Matthew Broussard]

Man of the Castle.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You'd walk in the shower, you wouldn't even slow down. You just kick the door open, turn the thing. Pow. Instead of the weird ginger backhand, pressing this, pressing this, pulling that. Getting hotter. Is it getting cold? Remote not even sure where the power is.

[Matthew Broussard]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Scared to touch this button because then that gets you on antenna Z. And now you're lost. You'll never find your way back.

[Matthew Broussard]

What am I looking at?

[Adam Carolla]

I. I don't know what this is. I, I, Right.

[Matthew Broussard]

My, my. My tv. I was in Mexico for the weekend and my TV just went crazy. We have an Apple box, and we have like a. A one of those bars for sound. And my girlfriend just could not get it going. And I came here and we're just pressing buttons. I'm like, am I gonna have to call somebody in here?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Matthew Broussard]

And so I just unplugged it, put it back, and then it started working again.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Too much.

[Matthew Broussard]

That's how we're gonna beat the machines and Terminators. We're just gonna unplug them, and then that's how they're gonna go back to normal. But you're totally right. It's too much.

[Adam Carolla]

It's too much. I mean, my. I guess our. I guess in a way. There was a TV remote when we were kids. It was us. Go change the channel.

[Matthew Broussard]

Go change that.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they had. Remember the very. Ma'am, you're too young, Sam. I don't know if you're too young for this, but the very early iterations of the TV remote were a sound thing. What little. It was a little box. It was a remote about the size of a pack of cigarettes. And I don't Even know if it took a remote. Sorry, batteries. It made a sound like when you're training dolphins, you know, you go tick, tick, tink, tink, and they eventually they know and they come to get the fish from you. Right. It was sound. It made a frequency that got it to change. You gotta look. Joe, what was the first TV remotes? I swear to God. There were sonic. They didn't have an eye and I don't know if they had a battery. They made a sound that got.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

Made a high pitch that only dogs could hear.

[Adam Carolla]

The dolphins.

[Matthew Broussard]

Do you think that was the beginning of the end? The TV remote?

[Adam Carolla]

It was a t. Beginning grumbling.

[Matthew Broussard]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

It was the beginning of early onset diabetes. Yes.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

That's the thing.

[Adam Carolla]

It was the beginning of the end. Yes. It was bad enough that we were watching that much TV anyway, but at least the exercise of getting up and changing the channel was something. And then also the extra. There was the extra exercise of having to get the needle nose pliers out and change the channel with the needle nose pliers because the plastic knob would bust. Zenith had this thing face command.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

Dude, Zenith, what happened to them? I love. Like we had an old tv, a Zenith tv. And he was like, if you don't.

[Matthew Broussard]

Dap, you die, dude. If you don't. And technology is the biggest one. I mean, Blockbuster could have bought Netflix and they said, no, there are some bad decisions in, in the history of humanity. Yeah, that has to be.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

You think the, the, the child of the Zenith fortune is just sitting somewhere in Cabo or, you know. Well, like what, what happened? No, no Zenith televisions anymore.

[Matthew Broussard]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean sometimes you find out they went to munitions or something.

[Matthew Broussard]

We used to television, now we do long range missiles.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

Yeah.

[Matthew Broussard]

We're doing, we're doing drones that are over New Jersey right now. That's. That's what Zenith's into.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. So each of the four bars, those were, those buttons made a different fundamental frequency with ultrasonic harmonics.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

What?

[Adam Carolla]

And the circuits in the television detected these sounds and interpreted them as a channel up, channel down, sound on, sound off and power off. So they didn't have volumes. A sound on mute.

[Matthew Broussard]

This one has volume. But. But do you need anything more than that?

[Adam Carolla]

But the volume, the volume may be on or off.

[Matthew Broussard]

When we went past these four buttons, that's when we lost our way. We only need those four high channels, low channels, volume off. Bang, we're done.

[Adam Carolla]

Bang, we're done. I know. We don't even need all the numbers and all the codes and all the everything Anyway, too many. We went from not enough remotes to too many remotes.

[Matthew Broussard]

100%.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I'm saying.

[Matthew Broussard]

Never is enough.

[Adam Carolla]

You got some news? There may have been for us. Engage in. Yeah.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

First up is not all heroes wear a cape. Senator Josh Hawley introduced legislation Wednesday intended to ban airlines from making passengers pay fees for baggage, seating or other services as a condition for boarding a flight. Yeah, it's called the End Airline Extortion Act. Airline companies treat their customers like cattle. It's offensive, he says. And, yeah, Spirit and Frontier pay their gate agents 26 million to harass customers whose bags were, quote, unquote, too big. He said, on X, 40 pounds.

[Matthew Broussard]

On Spirit, it's down to 40 pounds.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

Yeah. So apparently this is something that a lot of people run into where they force you to check your bag and charge you for it.

[Matthew Broussard]

I have this theory that they don't want you flying. I know it sounds crazy, but if you look at like Agenda 2050, one of them is no more commercial flying. So they're just trying to make you as miserable as possible. I just went to Cancun. The airport couldn't be easier. It was stripped down. Here's your bags. Go get through. Bang.

[Adam Carolla]

Done.

[Matthew Broussard]

Not like. Not like something about domestic. They just. It just takes forever.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, here's the thing about all businesses. They're going to make it up somewhere. There's no such thing as. These guys charge 300 bucks and these guys charge 79 bucks. The 79 buck guys will make it up somewhere. They have to. If you ever back in the day, get your car painted and It'd be like $49 to paint your car. And you'd go, $49. It's so cheap. It's 200 bucks across the street. Yeah, 49. And then you go, all right, I'll take the four. I'll take the $49 paint job. And I go, would you like the catalyst hardener added to the paint? And you go, what do you mean? Well, so it dries. Yeah, well, that'd be an extra. That'd be another 49. You're like, oh, so you mean we've not factored in the paint drying? There's be leaves and twigs and shit. There'll be squirrel shit on my hood for the rest of my life. You know what I mean? And they just go, you want the hardener added? And I'm like, well, of course I want the fucking hardener added. The paint's never going to dry. They go, all right, well, let's Tally that up, and then you're going to want the windshield taped off, the brush fee. And I don't want you painting the windshield. No, I don't. Okay, well, let's go ahead and tell it. Tape. I mean, me and Mike. Me and Mike flew Spirit one time, and it was like, you know, 79 bucks versus 215 on some other airline. But soon as we got there, it ended up being like 180 bucks worth of luggage charges while we're. While we're checking it like that. But by the way, that's on you. You know what I mean? There is no such thing as basic, almost a free commercial airline flight. You're gonna. They're gonna get it out of you.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

Oh, they hit me over the head with the air wi Fi charge.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

And it didn't work the first time.

[Matthew Broussard]

So I tried again.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

So then they got me 20 and then 20 again. I tried to get it back. Nope.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they'll get it out.

[Matthew Broussard]

That's my whole thing. So, you know, Biden either. Either signed somebody or kept one of Trump's appointments, but it was this woman, and she's made it so you can cancel a membership with just a button. Just press a button. Cancel. You didn't have to go show up. They were making you do all this stuff, right, Sam, you get to sit down Trump and ask him to do one thing. What's going to be. I want him to make it. So if you have a company and I'm paying you some sort of fee, I, at some point can talk to somebody on the phone, a person. Not just talk to automation or click box. I can actually talk to somebody. I'm going through something right now with seatgeek. I. So it was game five. What was the Yankees Game five. Dodgers down five nothing or six nothing. I've always wanted to take my dad to the World Series. So I'm like, okay, they're gonna lose this game. They're gonna come back. We're gonna have another game. I bought two tickets to game six. The game six. Or is like three. Yeah, two tickets I was gonna take me and my dad. It was about three grand. And I'm like, okay, I'll pay this off over time. As soon as I bought the tickets, the Dodgers come back and win the game. And I'm like, oh. And I get some from haters. Games been canceled. Will get you an email and we'll get you your money back or credit. I'm like, I'll take my money back. I have not received that email.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

Damn.

[Matthew Broussard]

And I can't talk to anybody about where my three grand is. And SeatGeek will not let you talk to anybody. If you look for a customer service number nowhere. I just keep going in circles and circles and circles. They put me in a little like side chat. Doesn't lead anywhere.

[Adam Carolla]

Doesn't lead anywhere. Well, we have a clip of Halle I, I think grilling these guys.

[Matthew Broussard]

I love him.

[Adam Carolla]

I love him too.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

Yeah.

[Josh Hawley]

You guys do appreciate that flying on your airlines is a disaster, don't you? I'm slightly amazed by the general attitude of all of you here. Flying on your airlines is horrible. It's terrible experience. I mean, I say this as a father of three young children, but I can't tell you, nobody enjoys flying in your airlines. It's a disaster. You charge people fees that they know nothing about. You harassed them to death. I'll never forget, Mr. Johnson, during COVID when an attendant on your airline threatened my wife because our then five year old son, his mask had slipped. This is back when we all had to wear those ridiculous masks. His mask slipped below his nose. This flight attendant came up to my wife and said if she didn't keep that mask over his nose at all points on this four hour flight, she would personally see that my wife was banned from flying. This has happened over and over to families. It's terrible. It's absolutely terrible. And your, your attitude here today seems to be, well, devil may care. There's nothing we can do about it. Well, I think we are going to do something about it. So how much have you paid people to pull out customers who are in line with a bag that's two centimeters too big?

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Mr. Schroeder?

[Matthew Broussard]

Well, we recognize this is a hard.

[Adam Carolla]

Job and so therefore we incentivize them to do that.

[Josh Hawley]

How much?

[Matthew Broussard]

It's $10 per bag.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Bag. Wow.

[Josh Hawley]

$10 per bag. And I think, Mr. Klein, you and Mr. Schroeder, your, your airlines cumulatively have spent $26 million paying gate agents between 2022 and 2023 to catch passengers whose bags are a little bit too big. $26 million. I mean, if people want to know why it's such a terrible experience to fly, this is news for them. Today your airlines are paying millions of dollars to your employees to harass people who've already paid. They're there in line because they've already paid. It's unbelievable. By the way, let me just ask you this while I have you here. Why is it that you charge different people different fees for carry on bags? Why is that Mr. Klein? Why isn't it just a flat fee? Why is it that I might get charged one fee, but my wife might get charged a different fee? Why is that?

[Adam Carolla]

So overall, our job is to generate the most revenue we can so we can be profitable as an airline if we're not. Not if we're not profitable. Well, yeah, actually, we have. We have costs and there's costs out there, and we have to make sure that we're above the cost line in order to make sure that we can.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Run a profitable entity.

[Josh Hawley]

Yeah, I got it. No, I got it.

[Adam Carolla]

It's.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I got it.

[Josh Hawley]

Money's the answer. So last year, your carry on bag fees ranged between $15 and $99.

[Adam Carolla]

That.

[Josh Hawley]

That's extraordinary. One person might pay 15, somebody else might pay 99. How do you determine it? Is it based on personal characteristics? Women, more.

[Adam Carolla]

It's never based on personal characteristics. Yeah. Unless I feel bad for these guys.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

Yeah. Dressed them down like that, it's pretty badass.

[Matthew Broussard]

That guy's. My biggest fear is having to shave my head and have an awful head like that. Yeah, that guy has dents in his skull. Look at that. That thing. That's a tip right there.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm telling you. I said a few months ago, we need to just go with an all in weight. That's it. Look, I was thinking about it. You and your bags need to be weighed. It's all one big weight. You can choose to do it clothed or naked, like I do, and that's it. And then. And also bigger people use up more space, 100%. And all those XL sweatsuits take up more room in the back and use up more room in the overhead storage. It's all about physical size. It's jet A. It's how it's like they need to know weight. And that's. So we should weigh you. Weigh your bags, weigh your everything. Okay. Remember you'd go those salad bar places where you just. You go to the salad court and you get whatever the fuck you wanted. Tuna, beets, garbanzo beans. And then at the end you'd weigh it and there'd be some guy behind you whose salad was $11, but yours was $26 because you fucking piled on the cheese and the tuna and the beets. You went heavy. This guy just has iceberg lettuce and a little olive oil drizzled on it. He doesn't. Why should you two. And why should he subsidize your salad? It's just your salad. This is what it is. It's big, it's heavy. That's what you ordered. That's what he ordered. Why not? Why should the skinny. Why should the Asians subsidize the Samoans on these flights?

[Matthew Broussard]

That's a great point.

[Adam Carolla]

Because that's all they're doing is setting an average price. Why? Again, the Asians are suffering.

[Matthew Broussard]

And what an incentive to get in shape.

[Adam Carolla]

Incentive.

[Matthew Broussard]

RFK Jr would love that idea.

[Adam Carolla]

And it would be great too, because, like, you're sitting around and you're going for your second square of lasagna and your girlfriend goes, we're flying out this weekend. You sure that's right? And it would keep everybody on the straight and narrow if you had to weigh in with a line of people. Yeah, you know what I mean? We do it just like it was a UFC fight. Jumping rope.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

Yeah. Jump rope in the sauna. Shadow boxing in the sauna.

[Adam Carolla]

I have my trainers holding the towel out in front of me because I jump. Rhino pants.

[Matthew Broussard]

That would be hilarious. Airport sauna, to see people. I gotta lose 20 pounds or else I can't fly.

[Adam Carolla]

I got the. Is it Abilene?

[Unknown Speaker 1]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Abilene cream. I'm rubbing all over me. So I get my sweat gun.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

Wicking it with a credit card.

[Adam Carolla]

Wicking it with a credit card. Stark naked guy holding the towel. You know, people flashing pictures, standing there flexing.

[Matthew Broussard]

Have a Joe Rogan there. 275. 275. Official weight for the flight.

[Adam Carolla]

But it's you and your bag no more. Weigh the bag separate. No more. Here's what we charge for bags. It's just whatever it's all in. And that's what we base your ticket on, your weight. That's it. Done. Women would fly cheaper and the elderly would too, because the elderly weigh less than 25 year old fat asses. And fat asses, you'd have to get your shit together. Yeah.

[Matthew Broussard]

And the fat asses aren't elderly because they'd be dead by then.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Matthew Broussard]

We're good to go. It's a win. Win. Now, do you have now, Adam? Did you have any issues with him saying we're here to make money?

[Adam Carolla]

No, I don't. They're there to make money. Like, there is one thing I don't like about politicians, usually on the left, where, like these rich guys or these companies only interested in profits, and bottom line, they are. That's who they are. You want to complain about the healthcare insurance companies, go ahead. But they're there just to make money the same way A restaurant is there to make money. Restaurants do this bullshit bottle thing where they go, would you like some water for the table? And you go, yeah, just regular water. And they go carbonated or sparkling or still? And you go, oh, just the still stuff. Fine. But they're selling you the still stuff. What you're saying is tap water.

[Matthew Broussard]

Yeah, Y.

[Adam Carolla]

It's brilliant. Because what they're saying is you want the carbonate or the still. And you go, still. Like you're saying free.

[Matthew Broussard]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And they go, oh, but that's still 10 bucks. And they know, what the fuck? Okay, you can complain about it, but the restaurant is there to make money. Look, if you go to Disneyland, you can charge, and you can charge for the fast pass. I mean, my son was telling me this the other day at Magic Mountain, you can do a ride per ride. You can just go, I want 40 bucks. I'll give you an extra 40 bucks. You get me. That'll get me to the front of Spaz Mountain over and over and over again. Now you can sit in the back of the line and go, what the fuck? This fucking kid's cutting in front of me. And you can say to Magic Mountain, what's going on? They're trying to make money. They're trying to make money. So I get all that. It's when you start. You know, when you start getting to a thing where you're charging one guy this much and somebody something else.

[Matthew Broussard]

By the way, I'm always charged more. It's never, hey, dude, I'm gonna cut you a deal. I'm always charged more. But I think it also comes down to. Does it feel like nickeling and diming? Right? Like, if I'm at a. You know where it's like, okay, I'm paying for this flight. Flights are expensive right now. Now you're charging me for an aisle seat. That seems to be to get into the nickel and diming, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, for me, if you're going with a discount, anything, there's gonna be shit. It's like, okay, I'll give you probably a good example. I was a carpenter, and I'm an expert. People go, you're going to the Home Depot. Fucking guy doesn't know shit. You don't know the difference between a sweep and a Y or a T and a Y or, you know, Romex and conduit. He doesn't. Those guys don't know. I go, they get $13 an hour, and you just brought 500ft of Romex for $29. Okay, like, you're not okay. You don't like it because that guy doesn't know the difference between Struck one cdx, good one side and a shop grade plywood. He doesn't know. Okay, he doesn't. He doesn't. But they're charging $29 a sheet of plywood. If you would like to get a seasoned expert, I would ask you to go up the street to the Anahwalt Lumber where you see the guy with a little salt and pepper in his beard and he knows the difference between struc1 and CDX. And Goodwin Cider Shop. Great. But it's $41 a sheet over there. So you don't want to pay that guy and you don't want to pay $41 for a sheet. And there is such a thing as going into Terry Lumber, Anawalt Lumber and talking to someone who knows what the fuck they're talking about. But that guy also is getting paid a decent wage because he was in the trades and now he's doing this. But he has a certain amount of expertise. You can make your choice, but you can't go into Home Depot and pay nothing for a sheet of plywood and then complain that you had to push it on the cart yourself. And that's kind of where I'm at with everything. You want to fly for almost free, be prepared to be gouged for WI FI and extra baggage and be treated like shit.

[Matthew Broussard]

And that's what they do for sure.

[Adam Carolla]

And have a seat that doesn't recline and get nickel the dime for the aisle. Be prepared for that. Or step on up to Delta or American or whatever, JetBlue or something, and fly with the normal people. But you got to pay, right?

[Matthew Broussard]

I got you.

[Adam Carolla]

That's where I'm at.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

That's more news. Trump let ABC off easy and settling for just $16 million over George Stephanopoulos blatant defamation. Yeah. George Stephanopoulos repeatedly referred to Trump being a rapist.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, he's listening. You're a news organization, and a news organization is supposed to come across like an umpire, right? I mean, at least traditionally. Yeah, used to, yeah.

[Matthew Broussard]

Which is non partisan, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I mean, I would assume. I don't think there's any such thing as taking your place behind home plate as an umpire and not having some thoughts about who you might like to win this baseball game. Because somebody grew up in Boston, somebody grew up in New York, somebody grew up in la, somebody grew up in Chicago, Somebody has thoughts. Somebody was a kid at one point and cheered for a team you know, somebody has a favorite player or manager who played. I mean, it's. It's impossible to just show up and go. It's impossible to watch a prize fight or UFC fight and just go. I have zero thoughts about who would win this. I have no thoughts.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

At all. For me, sometimes I go by number of tattoos, color, skin. No, I was of that nature.

[Matthew Broussard]

There was a Rams. There was a Rams Saints game. And it was like when the Rams went to the super bowl and there was such a blatant pass interference but wasn't called.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Like five years ago, the ref had.

[Matthew Broussard]

Played for the Rams.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really?

[Matthew Broussard]

Back in the day. And they showed him in uniform.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, really? Yeah.

[Matthew Broussard]

He didn't even make the. It was so blatant, a mugging.

[Adam Carolla]

The Rams back ran out of the backfield and basically got tackled from behind before the ball on the screen. Sorry. The Saints back got ran out. You know what? Screw Camaro and his nose ring thing bothers me, all right? But anyway, the point is this. They should have all those pictures on file ready to go if there's a bad call. You know what I mean? Like a picture of the guy when he's 29 wearing the Rams jersey or in his uniform or whatever. Okay? So no such thing as not having feelings. So you work for the New York Times, L.A. times, CNN, ABC, Fox, whomever. There's no such thing as saying to an educated adult, look, is it Kamala or is it Trump? Who do you like? And them going, I could name 50 things I like about Kamala and 50 things I hate about Kamala and 50 things I love about Trump and 50 things I hate about Trump. That person's never been born. That person doesn't exist. So. So when you are anchoring the Sunday talk show on ABC or the evening talk show on ABC or whatever you're on, you're like the referee. You got a pass, maybe you got a kid who played for the college that fed the team or whatever. You got something. You got something. But now your job is to completely keep that in check because there's a close plate to plate, and you're making the call.

[Matthew Broussard]

I agree.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. And you certainly don't want us as viewers knowing how you're thinking and where your heart is. So Stephanopoulos hates Trump's guts. I get it. But you badgering people who come on your show and arguing the people who are in the Trump side of the equation and lobbing up softballs to the ones that are on the other side of the aisle is now Making this blatantly obvious who you are. And you shouldn't play that fast and loose with your integrity or your career. Now, I don't think they know it. You just hear them arguing. Women cannot prevent themselves to do it. They get Trump in there, just argue, J.D. vance. Just argue, argue, argue. And then Kamala shows up and you're like, hey, girl, what's your favorite Cheeto Again, you're right. They can't. They can't. Women are women first and sort of journalists second. They're everything second. This is like a women woman first.

[Matthew Broussard]

Couldn't agree more.

[Adam Carolla]

And they wear it on their sleeve and they just bick.

[Matthew Broussard]

It's almost encouraged at that point.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, yes. And I don't think they even have control over it, but Stephanopoulos is wired like a chick. And so he's just sitting there and arguing and arguing and arguing. And also, it's not like he gets shit once the umpire leaves the field and goes to the locker room. It's not like there's a bunch of people in the locker room going, stan, what the fuck was that?

[Matthew Broussard]

Come on.

[Adam Carolla]

So far, yeah, for sure. He's with a bunch of are slapping him on the back going, good call, good call. So he doesn't even know it. I don't think.

[Matthew Broussard]

If you actually look at what the jury came to and you actually look at the breakdown of the verdict, it says did he sexual assault? No. And the next thing is, did he disparage her? I forgot what the exact defamation did he defame?

[Unknown Speaker 1]

Yeah, they found that they. She had not proved raped during that case. Case. So it was a. Yeah, but all.

[Matthew Broussard]

They had to say was he was found guilty. They didn't say what he's found guilty. And then everyone runs with it because that's what they want to believe. There's a son that came out with Sinopoulos where he was. He helped cover up the water. The White Water investment. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Who.

[Matthew Broussard]

Whoever we're talking about right here. Yeah, he helped cover up.

[Adam Carolla]

Andopoulos is a chain of high end movie. There's one in Westlake Village, whatever his name is.

[Matthew Broussard]

I'm horrible with names, but he helped like to like really throw a monkey wrench in the. In the Whitewater investigation. So he's been playing on one side for a while.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he's a partisan guy, so he can't help himself, so that's fine. Meanwhile, I got a friend who's a pretty prominent writer in New York, said he went to a party with Eugene Carroll, the one who accused him of this. So he talked to Eugene. I mean, she's a big fan of mine. I said, are you fucking nuts? I am. She's a big fan. I said, are you kidding me? Yep. I was like, how is that a thing? How is that even possible? You'd think she would hate every Kramer. Might be. Yeah. She didn't say it was hot.

[Matthew Broussard]

Like, didn't she say something?

[Unknown Speaker 1]

She's a big Crank Ringers fan. I think that's what it was.

[Adam Carolla]

She was laughing about how she's going to spend the money and how. Oh, really?

[Matthew Broussard]

Oh, yeah.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

That was a big deal.

[Matthew Broussard]

She said some crazy stuff.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

And the settlement came right as Stephanopoulos was about to be deposed. ABC just came up to the table with $16 million, making them by far the largest donor to the Trump library, which is a weird way.

[Adam Carolla]

Who reads less than Trump? Me.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't feel like Trump reads. He doesn't want to read a bunch of loser ideas in his head constantly.

[Matthew Broussard]

Going, who has time to read, dude?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Reading. Or like, Biden on the beach. That's where you read.

[Matthew Broussard]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Not Trump.

[Matthew Broussard]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

Trump's eating fast food, Running place, watching tv.

[Matthew Broussard]

Loving it.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

With the Zenith remote.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you have. Can you find the sound of that? Weird.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

I know.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what I'm telling you. It's how you train dolphins that we're. It. Respond. It made a click, and it's. That remote. It doesn't take batteries and you don't have to charge it.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

So it's like. Yeah. Wait, do you have to wind it up or something? This is a strange gadget. You have no dolphin.

[Matthew Broussard]

We had peak technology back then.

[Adam Carolla]

Dolphin training noise. Thing doesn't take batteries. It doesn't plug in. It makes a click, click, click, click, click. Like, it's like a metal.

[Matthew Broussard]

And they can hear that.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

At high resonance. I get it.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. So if you're trying to train, it works on humans, too. It's like you hear this sound. Click, click.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And you get a donut hole. You'd be coached up real fast.

[Matthew Broussard]

Just like when I hear my girlfriend come in, I jump off a pornhub. So I'm like, oh, I hear the door open. Get off pornhub.

[Adam Carolla]

You hear the deadbolt turn and you jump right. Right on to bring a trailer. Right. I know what I love on the foreign sites. I like when I go. They go. Tired of jerking off. I'm almost like, evidently not.

[Matthew Broussard]

Yeah. Why am I here?

[Adam Carolla]

Here we are again. Here we are again.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

Hot single moms.

[Adam Carolla]

You picked the wrong website. Now, when I was on bring a trailer 20 minutes ago. That's when you should have asked.

[Matthew Broussard]

That's hilarious.

[Adam Carolla]

That's when you should ask the question. Question. Not now.

[Matthew Broussard]

You're on cnn. Tired of jerking off.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Here. I'm pot committed. I'm already here. You know what I mean? I've never been a more resounding no to everyone who's on that website. Oh, you think I was gonna buy bitcoin on this website? I'm only here for one reason, dude.

[Matthew Broussard]

My favorite thing was, like, I. I haven't been on pornhub in a while, but they used to start running, like, real ads. Like real ads for, like, f 1050s and stuff like that. Like, really, you're about to watch some unholy shit, and then suddenly you're getting sold a truck.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You hear Bryan Cranston's voice. Yeah. With twin beam suspension. Wow. I. I don't know. The. The legitimate commercials is almost now making it legitimate, Right?

[Matthew Broussard]

Well, it's interesting because there's no. So I went to college at UNLV and one of my professors, like the leading sex therapist, and he was like, I can make you be attracted to anything, yet, you know, all you have to do is kind of be sexually aroused while you're looking at something. So if I'm like a corporation, there's no better time to want a commercial than when you're halfway through, you know, punch in the mud, munchkin, and then suddenly, bang, here comes a movie trailer. Now you're really turned on.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

Now every time I see F150, I'm chubbed up.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, for sure, dude. That's a good point. Because if you see a Pizza Hut commercial after you just ate a pizza, you're nauseated, right? But if you got a boner, you're open to anything. We have the sound of the click. This is what it sounds like when doves cry.

[Josh Hawley]

These are tuned to specific ultrasonic frequencies.

[Adam Carolla]

And these rods ring when struck by the spring loaded hammer, which is released by pushing down on the button. Obviously you can't hear the ringing because it's ultrasonic. I don't know the exact frequency because.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

I don't have anything set up to make.

[Adam Carolla]

It's all mechanical is what I'm saying. There's no batteries. There's no plugging in.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

The Manchurian Candidate was just, like, activated.

[Matthew Broussard]

Yeah. Does that look like anything supersonic, by the way?

[Unknown Speaker 1]

Look, it looks like it's just a bell.

[Adam Carolla]

It's very. Now what sound is the clicker thing? When they train Dolphins and. Or killer whales making the click, they do the same.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

Just a clicker. I think it's just a reg. Like, I did dog training for a long time. You get the dog, you can use the clicker. Like, as the dog does the behavior you want, you click and treat the dog.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

So that way it just becomes. Or that click is just as good as a treat.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. That's how it works. All right, one more. Yes.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

Look, I, you know, we got to talk about it. The mysterious drone sightings. I have page after page after page here, but the short story is we don't know. There's no way to really tell. The government is not saying that they're dangerous. And I did a deeper dive into more drone things. These that are showing up in New Jersey are, you know, big deal. But there's also. Earlier in the year, drone swarm over Langley, Virginia, the home of FBI.

[Adam Carolla]

We had a Chinese, you know, spy balloon. Spy balloon drift over the United States for like seven or eight days in the White House. Said who? Nobody trusts a fucking thing the White House says 100%.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Would you. Is there anything Karine Jean Pierre or Biden or any of those guys said that you would ever fucking listen to?

[Matthew Broussard]

100%.

[Adam Carolla]

Ever. If they said a hot dog is longer than a hamburger patty, I'd go, get the fuck out of here. I don't believe this bitch. They're literally. It's a weird relationship because I just assume they're lying about everything. So when they say whatever they say about drones or weather balloons or anything, I just go, all right, well, now we gotta go find out the truth somewhere and figure out what's going on. I don't know why we don't know where they emanate from. How much range does an electric drone have?

[Unknown Speaker 1]

250Km is the longest range one that they.

[Adam Carolla]

As far as these smaller ones, 250km is like 175 miles or something like that, which is pretty damn far for a drone, but not so close to China. So they have to be some sort of vessel that they take off from.

[Matthew Broussard]

Well, you know, my. My buddy was telling me about this because he's injured. They have a comedy club called the Dojo of Comedy. It's in Morris Plains. And they. He's been seeing these long before they started talking. You saw it on the news, and he told me that they sit in the sky for like 12 hours.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

Yeah.

[Matthew Broussard]

So it's not a normal drone that would need to come down and re.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

Here's my opinion also, there's even farther. Before you go on, there's. There's ones that don't look like drones at all.

[Matthew Broussard]

And like, they shapeshift almost.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

Yeah, it's like, bizarre.

[Matthew Broussard]

So here's my opinion, okay? We have to assume this is ours, okay? This is our technology, and something's going on. We're not being told. Because if it's not ours, I personally think we should completely dismantle our military and build it from scratch. Nuts to bolt. Because again, if this was another country's things, why are they still there? You know, whether it's JFK, 9, 11, Pearl Harbor. I mean, we can just go on in a balloon. You bring up a balloon like we're supposed. Like 50 cents of every dollar we spend goes to the military. Why is this still a thing? So I have to assume this is ours. Because the other answer is like, okay, we just gotta hit a reset button at this point.

[Adam Carolla]

Why, if you're a drone and you're being flown over our nation by any rogue nation, do you have a spotter light on it? Like a helicopter flying at night? So they're not clipped by a commercial airliner. So airborne vehicles, private planes, commercial planes, helicopters, they all even buildings with tall antennas or what have you. They have lights, and the lights are so you don't fly into them at night. If you're China, let's just say, and you're gonna fly drones over us, why do they have marker lights on them?

[Unknown Speaker 1]

They're by FAA regulations, we're from another country, spying you.

[Matthew Broussard]

What are your laws of your space?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you do it like. You know, Sam, when you tape a TV show and you show up in your Nike sweatpants and they take a piece of gaffer's tape and they just put it over the Nike swoosh Y so black. Just Greek it out. We don't want to see it. When you take a little gaffer's tape and just put it over the bulb that was flashing. The only reason we can see all these drones is they're lighting themselves at night. So why are we seeing them? And then who wants us to see them? And then why wouldn't. China would not want to be detected then. Why wouldn't they do that? Or is it all just one big fuck with game at this point?

[Matthew Broussard]

I think that's it.

[Adam Carolla]

If there's anything we see, it's because they want us to see it. You know, like, yep, Steele dossier, Russia, Russian collusion, PP tape. It was all bullshit.

[Matthew Broussard]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And none of it ever existed. It was all cooked up by Hillary Clinton and the Democratic Party. Russia knew none of this existed. They were having so much fun watching us fight the entire time. And the amount of time, resources, energy, focus and money it took is immeasurable. And they were having fun. They probably could have clarified it. They did not clarify it. They didn't have to. They enjoyed watching us fight like fucking retarded kids. So, so, so whoever's doing this, is this all part of the Steele dossier? Pee pee tape? Like, oh, we'll just take these drones. Do not black out the light and have them all fucking speculate and start infighting and arguing.

[Matthew Broussard]

I totally agree. Adam Curry from a really great podcast called no Agenda. He, they were, they were talking on that show that they think there's like a bill that's coming up about to expire that involves drones and militaries and all that stuff that they kind of want to gin up support for again. So they kind of just throw these things out there and see how everybody reacts to it.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's all on the table now. All right, last break. I got some stuff to get into with Sam and we'll do that right after this. Tommy John. Well, here's a simple life hack upgrade with Tommy John. You'll do everything much better because you'll be much more comfortable with Tommy John. Their second skin underwear has dozens of comfort innovations like a supportive contour pouch and horizontal quick draw fly. Plus breathable, lightweight moisture wicking fabric with four times the stretch of competing brands. Over 20 million pairs sold. Hundreds, nay thousands of five star reviews. Tommy John doesn't have customers. They have fanatics. I know. I am a Tommy John fanatic. I'm wearing mine right now. I will not wear anything other than Tommy John. I don't have the heart to throw out some of the underwear I had because I paid way too much. I guess I'll just use it for a car rag, do my rims or something. They have a guarantee. It's called the best pair you'll ever wear or it's free. They're the best. They're Tommy John. Right?

[Dawson]

Dawson, get 20% off your first order right [e-mail] Adam. Save 20% on second [e-mail] Adam tommyjohn.com AdamC site for details.

[Adam Carolla]

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[Dawson]

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[Sam Tripoli]

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[Adam Carolla]

I love free and I love Jersey Shore.

[Sam Tripoli]

For me, it's the Godfather, SpongeBob SquarePants.

[Adam Carolla]

I am Patrick. Patrick is me.

[Sam Tripoli]

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Matthew Broussard]

There'S nothing more embarrassing than being at Home Depot and not be able to build anything at all. And you're just walking around going, hey, what is? You're literally showing pictures of things and asking, what is this? Is this right? And you just walk around, you're like, what is this? There's nothing more cucking than sitting there asking someone to hold Home Depot what this tool is. You ever done that? Trust me, I'm a man. I have children. What, what is this? What is it used for? The woman who gave birth to my children want me to find man stuff and I don't know what to do. I have no skills except for maybe well crafted dick jokes. That's about all I'm good at.

[Dawson]

Sam Tripoli is on the Adam Carolla show.

[Adam Carolla]

Sam's got a special quiet. Is that as we speak. It's doing very well and you can get it at Sam's website, samtripoli.com and also going to be at the Comedy Vault in Illinois. And that's coming up January 23rd through the 25th.

[Matthew Broussard]

I was just had Spokane January 9th, adding Spokane just had January 9th Spokane with Eddie Bravo.

[Adam Carolla]

So I'm carrying something up a narrowish set of stairs in a condo duplex. And it's got high wall. It's got the hall walls on each side of it. And it's not that wide. I'm carrying something that's kind of wide. And I do the move where I drag my knuckles across the stucco. And all of a sudden I hearken back to my entire childhood was just confrontations with stucco and losing skin and scraping off a stucco. And I thought, thought who? The person that invented stucco hated skin. Right. Like, why? Like we need to build. Everything needs to be. We need an emery board on the outside. Like stucco. I know. We're like, we shouldn't go with stucco. We should go with siding. Oh, you mean like emery board? No, just smooth. Yeah. Well, who's going to lose skin when they're riding their bike by and Their elbow hits it or something. They're going between the garage and the siding. And like I've been fucked up by stucco my entire life.

[Matthew Broussard]

That's so.

[Adam Carolla]

And there's no such thing with making contact with stucco without losing a significant amount of skin. But it doesn't have to be that way.

[Matthew Broussard]

Why does wall need texture? Why does it need to be?

[Adam Carolla]

Why does it need to be sandpaper?

[Matthew Broussard]

Why do I need braille on my wall?

[Adam Carolla]

We could have gone with a steel trowel finish and a smooth finish, but we didn't. We went with 60 grit sandpaper on every, every single dwelling in my entire youth and adult as well.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

Harkens back to the cave days.

[Adam Carolla]

Every apartment my friends grew up in, every house I lived in, every apartment we lived in. Now I'm an adult. I live in a condo with this. It's. It's covered with sandpaper.

[Matthew Broussard]

It's interesting.

[Adam Carolla]

Stucco is kind of like narrow too. Like sometimes you're not getting between the car and the garage without your back scraping against the stucco. Somebody's gotta say something.

[Matthew Broussard]

It's almost attempt to look fancy. It's almost like the Fiero. Do you remember the Fiero back in the day where it kind of looks like it's, it's like poor hot chicks drove it. Yeah, because it was like they were driving a Porsche, but it wasn't a Porsche. Kind of like that's what stucco is. It looks like there's something going on.

[Adam Carolla]

Maybe it's the Latin man's revenge on the gringo. Because the only one who's getting out that sponge trap now is the Mexicans. There's no fucking Jew or Irishman spreading stuck up. They got a beef, they want California back. Yeah, that's what they're doing.

[Matthew Broussard]

I was in Mexico, man, and let me tell you, just, you know, going to restaurants with Mex kids, all that stuff. The best symbol of Mexicans work ethic is the leaf blower. Okay? Because it is a lot of work. No attention to detail.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Matthew Broussard]

It just matters.

[Adam Carolla]

Ass.

[Matthew Broussard]

Work, work, work, work, work. Looks like you do a lot of stuff. Never, never attention to detail. Nothing symbolizes the people more than that. And that could sound racist, I don't care. Because it is perfect. Like you go to a restaurant in Mexico, good luck having your, your, your waiter show up within 30 minutes.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh yeah, no, you're on their clock now. Yeah, you're on their clock and they don't own a clock. The way you get stucco, the kind of stucco that breaks hearts, causes tetanus and does damage. Kind of childhood ruining permanent road rash stucco that I grew up with. You have to get a sponge trowel out.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And you take the sponge trowel and you go up and down the stucco and it draws out the water and the aggregate a little. Draws a little of the slurry out and the water out and it leaves that rough texture. Now if you get a steel trowel, you go over it and it's smooth. All right. But I just thought that really, like as I dragged my knuckles across this stucco. Now an old man living in modern times and hearkening back to my childhood, I'm like, stuck. Has been my up for 50 years now. Like, this isn't a 12 year plan. I may end up in a stucco coffin at the very end. Like getting Corolla, road rash, getting in that stucco. And I just thought, how much heartache has this? Cause how many guys have been running past some liquor store? Some 7. 11. And recede and her friend pushed them. They dragged their shoulder and got all fucked up on the stucco. Every dude I know has been fucked up by stucco. It doesn't have to be. They could smooth it.

[Matthew Broussard]

They don't. And it's probably because it's cheaper to do stucco. Do you think?

[Adam Carolla]

Stucco. All right.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

Seems like a lot of effort.

[Matthew Broussard]

It seems like a lot of effort, Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. Here's how stucco works. Stucco is lath, which you put on the outside of the studs. K Lath, it's called. It's got the tar paper behind it and the metal squares in front of me. Put the sheets on. Then you put on a scratch coat. That's the original one. Done with a notch trowel. Big notch trowel. You notch. It's all striped. You've seen it.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

You're talking. That's what that's called. That goo that you put on. That's what you're saying.

[Adam Carolla]

Stucco has three coats.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

First coat, notch coat, scratch coat. Okay. You've passed buildings in your neighborhood. When you're walking around and they're in the scratch coat. Looks like a bunch of lines going up and around.

[Matthew Broussard]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the first one. When that one dries, it'll accept the next coat. Cause it's all ridgy.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Next coat's the brown coat. Next coat is the color coat. That's the color in the stucco. That's the thin one at the end. You could do stucco and do a smooth coat with a steel finished trowel. But it gets spider cracks and they don't like It. And the other one, the traditional rough one with the sponge trowel, you can't see the cracks because the kid's blood is all over the city slaughterhouse in there. There's so many kids crying in anguish that you don't notice the cracks.

[Matthew Broussard]

Yeah, I agree, dude, I agree.

[Adam Carolla]

But I just thought, all right, how about this? I don't like big, big brother legislation, but I got a staircase. It's literally 32 inches wide. It goes all the way up and it is just stucco walls on each side. You're not moving boxes. Texas. Everybody who moved into that condo fucked their hands up turning the corner, their elbow hit. If it is a corridor or there's a garage next to it, or we do it like we do pedophiles, like a school campy within 500ft of it, we have to go smooth finish.

[Matthew Broussard]

I love that.

[Adam Carolla]

But you cannot have a death corridor of super Sandy fucked up stucco that is just going to fuck up every person who walks up and down the stairs.

[Matthew Broussard]

Hallways are just stairwells.

[Adam Carolla]

Hallways and stairwells and corridors need to be a smooth steel finish on stucco.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

Stucco extortion action.

[Adam Carolla]

You would just. Yeah, you would just glide over the stucco. Instead of having tear off, Nancy Pelosi.

[Matthew Broussard]

Would invest in walls. That's right before this legislation passed.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, you want to go up and do the parapet up on the second floor and the fucking nasty rough stucco, so be it. But any place where there's a lot of foot traffic, sorry, not going to do it.

[Matthew Broussard]

Do you see any practical purpose for stucco outside of just making people bleed their own blood?

[Adam Carolla]

There is. Well, look, you gotta put something on the outside of the house, right? And it's either gonna be stucco or it's gonna be some form of siding. Something needs to be on the outside. The inside of the studs are gonna get drywall. The outside is gonna have to have something. Something, because there's going to be insulation in the bays and studs and whatever. So it's going to need to be clad with something here. It's probably just a practical thing because all we have is Mexicans and all they have is stucco and they know how to do it. And so we can do that shit cheap. Yeah, that's why everything. When you go back east, you don't see it. Yeah, because they don't have as many Mexicans, Mexicans and Puerto Ricans like stucco and siding. We're not doing anything. We're hanging out, we're getting drunk. So we can per square foot on the side of a building. Get the stuccoed up with the Mexicans faster than the white guys can put to.

[Matthew Broussard]

Stucco is like the cheese whiz of siding. It's like you can. It doesn't cost a lot. Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Everyone thinks they like it. Even if they don't. They don't.

[Matthew Broussard]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And so that's what we. That's what we get here. Because that's all they have in Mexico. It's this masonry shit. And they got it in their blood. They can do it. But I'm saying let's go with a smooth, which is a steel trial look.

[Matthew Broussard]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

They're also something called a knockdown effect, where it's a little show me stucco. Show me Joe. Smooth, smooth steel trowel finish stucco. And then show me a knockdown finish on a. On a stucco. But I'm just saying we have chosen to go with the most destructive form of stucco there is because it's cheapest. It's destroyed many a childhood. I think for me, I anguished for years, but in a secret silence. You know what I mean? Like a secret shame. Like someone who hit your lip and just kept. Someone who was involved with the cast. Catholic church is. A choir boy was molested. That's the way I feel about stucco. I didn't want to speak out about it, but after the other day.

[Matthew Broussard]

It's war.

[Adam Carolla]

It's war. I'm now coming out of the closet with my stucco.

[Matthew Broussard]

I feel that the poor, the neighborhood you get to, the more the stucco comes. But as rich hipsters move in, the stucco goes and the siding comes up.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. The siding is a rich hipster thing. You see it in Venice. You see it in Santa Monica.

[Matthew Broussard]

Vegan restaurant, restaurants, coffee shops and siding. That's what happens.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Matthew Broussard]

Poor neighborhoods.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Yeah. Stucco goes. And the cool siding appears. And by the way, slick and easy. Junior could be running down that sidewalk, drag his shoulder against that art gallery siding. Nothing. No scuff, no wears, no tears. You do that on that sandy stucco, you're up for days.

[Matthew Broussard]

Yeah. I mean, maybe that's why the kids are soft now. We've gotten respect of stucco.

[Adam Carolla]

We outlawed lawn darts.

[Matthew Broussard]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Why? Cuz we cared about the kids. Yeah. Now we made them fireworks and we replaced it with stucco, and that did more damage. We wouldn't let them smoke. We wouldn't let them drink. We wouldn't let them do anything because we're worried about them. Yeah. But now it's all fast food and stucco. We've ruined a generation.

[Matthew Broussard]

Y. I think. I think you're right. I agree.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, Joe Stuccos, we got him.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

Oh, here we go.

[Adam Carolla]

This is a steel. You gotta go up closer, but this is a steel trowel finish. It looks good and it's smooth, and you will not fuck yourself up against that.

[Matthew Broussard]

Well, how's it do with weather?

[Adam Carolla]

Everything is fine. It's just simply. I'll put it to you this way. Blondes look great and then they hit 40 and then they show off off the cracks more. Yes, black chicks. You'll take the blonde under 40, but once you get over 40, you're going black.

[Matthew Broussard]

Yeah, 100.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what. That's what smooth stucco is. Versus Sandy stuck. Sandy Stucco is a black chick.

[Matthew Broussard]

Okay. Respect, respect.

[Adam Carolla]

I think that's her name. Sandy Stuck.

[Matthew Broussard]

That's my girlfriend, Stucco. You can't tell how old a black woman is except for her hair, hands. That's the only place they show their age.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, Rocky Stucco was my gay porn name for a while. So you see the. These sponge trial stuff, you literally lean against that dwelling. It will cut you. Yeah, you will you up. You don't even have to be moving now, you know, there's guys pushing wheelbarrows to the back and they did the knuckle drag on the side of the thing when they turn the corner. Stucco's. It's this. It's like radon. It's the silent killer. It's fucked up. I'll bet you if I did a class action lawsuit against big stucco, I'd get everyone in America paid. There's no normal boy. I mean, my son, because he grew up in bubble wrap and living in luxury, probably doesn't know the heartache of suffering the stucco trauma. You don't know. He's stuck up. We had to walk a mile dragging against the side of a stucco apartment building to get to school every day.

[Matthew Broussard]

Yeah.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

Did your parents have stucco? You may be entitled to financial compensation.

[Adam Carolla]

They work at camp. Could have been made out of stucco.

[Matthew Broussard]

Probably at Stucco.

[Adam Carolla]

You could. I guarantee my son, in his carefree childhood has never had a negative stucco experience. I have had many a battle with stucco. I would. I would. I would argue the average male has had many, many run ins with stucco. I don't know any women.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

I had my share.

[Adam Carolla]

You've had stuff. Every dude you know who takes. Who takes a beating from stucco. Movers. Movers. I was a mover for two summers and it's just hands full of stucco. Scar.

[Matthew Broussard]

Elbow, elbow.

[Adam Carolla]

Elbow. You forget your gloves for one day.

[Matthew Broussard]

Is this your Vietnam?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I can feel it. On my hand right now. Here's the stucco mixer, and it's like a helicopter in slow motion.

[Matthew Broussard]

Rambo, you know the pricing from the first picture you saw to this. Is that a huge difference?

[Adam Carolla]

Here's, here's the. No, here's the thing. The Mexicans know how to do the stucco with the sponge trowel, which gets you the sandy finish, which is all they know. So that's how they do it. They just go it. You get what we know. That's the stucco. We know it's not that much harder. Probably a little more labor to finish it with the smooth. The smooth finish on it. But yeah, movers, gardeners, guys working the hedge along the side of the building. Any. Yeah, anyone is the pool man. Anyone's going to walk around with the cart. You know, the things in his hands. I would say your average American male has been fucked over by stucco. Over under is like 37 times if you go. But the worst is the bike stucco incident.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

Oh, no.

[Adam Carolla]

I was. When I was at like 12, I was trying to jump stairs in the back of this church that was like down the street. The stairs had two big stucco walls right next to it. I just bounced off of one, bounced off the other, dragged out. I got elbows and knees, knees and tailbones. All stucco eyes, man. Yeah. I've been traumatized by stuck.

[Matthew Broussard]

I could tell this the picture San Diego. And the picture on the right looks like Tijuana.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like that puts the Sandy in San Diego. That stuck up.

[Matthew Broussard]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

So what do we do? Because someone's got to introduce legislation.

[Matthew Broussard]

Hey. I mean, Gavin Newsom's looking for anything to get people to like them.

[Adam Carolla]

We go to the smooth finish on the stucco.

[Matthew Broussard]

Outlaw, dude. Outlaw this outlaw. The nasty stucco.

[Adam Carolla]

It doesn't look good.

[Matthew Broussard]

It does not look good. It looks like it's got some disease. Yeah, Skin disease.

[Adam Carolla]

You wouldn't date a girl who had stucco face. Yeah.

[Matthew Broussard]

You would not.

[Adam Carolla]

No. Yeah. So all our lives have been negatively affected by sandy stucco.

[Matthew Broussard]

Sandy stucco, man.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

Make stucco flat again.

[Matthew Broussard]

Yeah. Make stucco go flat again.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Or again, just go with the highfalutin siding like the hipster Venice Beach.

[Matthew Broussard]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

100% fake wood grain siding or whatever. Whatever the hell it is.

[Matthew Broussard]

Go. Go the extra mile. Your kids will thank you.

[Adam Carolla]

I just think if I talked to my son about negative run ins with stucco, he wouldn't know what I was talking about. Whereas you would have gotten hold of me at 18. I would have regaled you with 15 separate stucco related incidents.

[Matthew Broussard]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, you Would you would name.

[Matthew Broussard]

Them by the years they happen? Oh, 75. Do you know that one?

[Adam Carolla]

That was the heartbreak of 75. Then, to add insult to injury, when I was doing construction, I was asked to apply stucco. Spread stucco. I had. It was like a Jew working at Auschwitz. You're in charge of the ovens, Marvin. Like, what? Yeah, like I literally added to the problem by spreading this demon, this. This. This demon compote on the side of buildings. Forced myself to pick up one of the best names. Stucco. You know, they put the stucco on. It's called a hawk.

[Matthew Broussard]

Oh, damn.

[Adam Carolla]

What? Hawk?

[Unknown Speaker 1]

A hawk.

[Adam Carolla]

A hawk.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

Oh, my God.

[Adam Carolla]

You know what a hawk is?

[Unknown Speaker 1]

Not until now.

[Adam Carolla]

A hawk is how you spread the stucco, how to get the fucking stucco to stick to the side of the wall. You take this square thing. It's like. Like you're. Like a pizza. Like you're holding a pizza tray over here, but it's square. You push it against the edge and you spread it while it's. While it's up there.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

It's called a.

[Adam Carolla]

Called a hawk. A stucco hawk. I was tasked to spread stuff.

[Matthew Broussard]

You were the hawker.

[Adam Carolla]

I hawked the stucco.

[Matthew Broussard]

Do you have a guy who was putting the cocking on, too? Was there a cocker and it's a hawker hawk?

[Adam Carolla]

No, the culkin guys would be the painter guys. We had tin knockers and sheetrockers, if that's what you're asking. The caulking guys and the hawker guys are different.

[Matthew Broussard]

Do they have the attitude, hey, dude, don't look at me in the eyes. I'm the cocker.

[Adam Carolla]

I used to go on kroc a million years ago, back in the day, and I would talk about the big swinging black caucus, and they'd go, don't say that. And I'd go, it's a black caucus, and they're having, like, a good time, you know? And they go, stop saying big swing in black caucus. And I'd go, why don't you want to hear about the big swing in black caucus? And I go, I don't know why you can't say that, but don't say that. I felt like I had him on a technicality, right? Yeah, dude, show me a hawk. Show me a hawk.

[Matthew Broussard]

Show me a hawk.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

Show me a cock.

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, yes, hawking cock.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

Show the hawking cock.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm just saying we talk about lots of sort of, you know, we talk about el salvadorian street gangs and stuff. I'll guarantee stucco's caused a lot more damage.

[Matthew Broussard]

Yeah, 100%. Make America.

[Jason Mayhem Miller]

Great.

[Matthew Broussard]

Again. Get rid of stucco.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. All right. Upper left. Pow. Good.

[Matthew Broussard]

Look at that.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a hawk.

[Matthew Broussard]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Nice, right?

[Matthew Broussard]

And afterwards, you can use that for DJing too.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Unknown Speaker 1]

It's really nice.

[Adam Carolla]

Let me give a plug to Sam. Quiet's the name of the very funny special available on Sam's website, SamTriplee.com and other places as well. Dates coming up. We should go to samol.com events.

[Matthew Broussard]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Matthew Broussard. You should go see Hyperbolics. He's very funny. Stan is so fun. He's a great guy as well. I got mine specials up at Drybar. You can go to drybar.com I think something, something substack, AdamCarl substack.com shows coming up. Solana Beach. Jay Morris gonna be up there with me. And that'll be the 19th of January. And just go to McCroll.com for all the live shows. Until next time, Adam for mayhem. And Matthew and Sam. Say it. Mahalo.

[Dawson]

You can leave us a voicemail at 888-634-1744 and get tickets to see Adam Corolla at Adam Corolla dot com.

[Sam Tripoli]

Pluto TV is a place for movie fans like me and TV fans like me. They've got something for everyone, and it's free.

[Matthew Broussard]

I love free.

[Adam Carolla]

And I love Jersey Shore.

[Sam Tripoli]

For me, it's the Godfather, SpongeBob SquarePants.

[Adam Carolla]

I am Patrick. Patrick is me. Oh, oh.

[Sam Tripoli]

Forrest Gump. Come on, criminal minds. Solving crime after bedtime. Whatever you love to watch. Pluto TV makes it easy with thousands of free movies and shows. Pluto TV stream now pay Never.

[Adam Carolla]

Did.

[Sam Tripoli]

You know you can watch all your favorite crime shows for free on Pluto tv.

[Adam Carolla]

Totally free.

[Sam Tripoli]

Totally free. They've got csi, New York, ncia, Criminal Minds, Blue Bloods, Tracker, FBI, swat. All for free. There's something suspicious going on here. Nothing suspicious, just hundreds of free crime shows on Pluto tv. Crime never pays. And neither do I. Pluto TV stream now pay Never.