Dana Gould and Adam Pitch a Perfect 80’s Movie

Summary

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The Adam Carolla Show

Episode: Dana Gould and Adam Pitch a Perfect 80’s Movie
Date: January 19, 2026
Guests: Dana Gould
Host(s): Adam Carolla
Producer/News Guy: Mike Dawson

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Overview

This episode features comedian and writer Dana Gould joining Adam Carolla for a rollicking, nostalgia-fueled conversation. The bulk of the show revolves around their mutual love for the film and TV oddities of the ‘70s and ‘80s, with heavy riffing on bad action movies from that period, oddball TV shows, and celebrity culture. Together, Adam and Dana—both skilled at "sitting and rolling"—improvise absurd 1970s-style movie pitches, wax poetic (and sarcastic) about era trends, and lament the loss of joy in simpler, analog stunts. They also delve into broader issues: podcast criticism, nostalgia, corruption, and American cultural quirks. Throughout, the conversation is punctuated by sharp wit, memorable quotes, and deep-cut pop ephemera.

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Main Themes and Segments

1. Comedic Chemistry and the Art of 'Riffing'

[01:46]–[04:17]

• Adam opens with praise for Dana’s unique ability to improvise and riff beyond standard stand-up:
  • “There’s a handful of guys who can sit and roll... Most people aren’t even sophisticated enough. I go, but yeah, it’s just not the same as that ability to roll along.” (Adam Carolla, 02:16)
• Dana discusses learning this skill in the San Francisco comedy scene:
  • “We called it riffing, which is just... as obnoxious as it sounds... It sort of taught you to think on your feet.” (Dana Gould, 02:48)

2. Bad ‘70s & ‘80s Movies and the Nostalgia Factor

[09:01]–[13:54]

• Adam reminisces about forcing his son to watch clunky old action flicks and TV classics, like Knight Rider:
  • “He’s just looking at me: What is this?... They set up something, they never paid it off. They're high on coke. They did whatever they wanted.” (Adam Carolla, 10:11)
• They pull up the trailer for “Vigilante Force” and hilariously deconstruct its incoherent plot and classic action tropes:
  • “It was a four minute trailer. You have no idea what the movie’s about. I watched the movie. I have no idea what the movie’s about.” (Adam Carolla, 13:45)
  • “There’s no story. A lot of people thrown through windows. That was a big deal.” (Adam Carolla, 13:29)

3. Iconic ’70s/'80s Commercials and Celebrity Endorsements

[13:51]–[17:17]

• Dana and Adam recall the quintessential “Robert Loggia Orange Juice” ad and discuss the recurring trope of kids recognizing aging celebrities:
  • “Try some new minute made orange tangerine. It's got calcium. Then I’m not drinking it.” (Adam Carolla, role-playing the commercial, 14:46)
  • They build a “trilogy” of kids instantly recognizing Phil Rizzuto, Robert Loggia, and John Elway—none of whom young people would realistically know.

4. Deconstruction of ‘Disaster Movies’ and Stunt Culture

[17:51]–[21:35]

• They remember when action films were built from checklists—bar fights, glass windows, explosions, gratuitous nudity—rather than coherent plots:
  • “Here’s what you do... We’re going to need three or four shotgun pumps... Need a bar fight. Need somebody thrown through a plate glass window... Need some titties... Then something a little off, like an outhouse blowing up...” (Adam Carolla, 18:03)
• They praise analog stunts, from Bond films to thrill drivers like Joey Chitwood:
  • “Back when they'd go analog, like... they literally just took that bridge and they sort of twisted it and the guy literally did it...” (Adam Carolla, 19:06)

5. Pitching the ‘Perfect’ 70s/80s Movie (AI Movie Game)

[23:21]–[33:02]

• Adam introduces a bit: using ChatGPT to generate disaster-movie titles. Dana and Adam riff on what these imaginary movies would entail.
  • Avalanche Express becomes a “female slap shot”, R-rated, football romp.
  • Tarantulanche—an avalanche of tarantulas—gets an elaborate 70s creature-feature treatment.
  • “It starts off, Clyde Akins is a treasure hunter... there are these indigenous tarantulas... you’ll just bring something else with the gold... a tarantula avalanche.” (Dana Gould & Adam Carolla, 31:58–33:41)
• They cast Shelley Winters, Angie Dickinson, Adrienne Barbeau, Sybil Danning, and discuss classic "bad guy" casting based on pockmarks or scars.

6. Deep-Dive: Golden Age TV, VHS Culture & Celebrity Memories

[43:14]–[54:08]

• The conversation turns to tangents about old video stores, video rentals with embarrassing covers, and the pop-kitsch value of VHS tapes.
  • “Bobby Hollander's porn bloopers... I had to return it... only change from my truck ashtray... and the girl behind the counter, turns out she went to high school with me...” (Adam Carolla, 46:33–47:15)
• Adam and Dana celebrate the TV nostalgia channel lineups—Bionic Woman, Emergency!, and discuss changing TV/film moral codes (e.g., doctors smoking onscreen).

7. Sardonic Social Commentary

[75:08]–[90:09]

• Adam and Dana riff on corruption, scams, and the inevitable failure of government programs; Adam rails against euphemistically named charities:
  • “The more euphemistic the title of a business, the more I'm coming after them.” (Adam Carolla, 77:06)
  • “Where is the fucking money? Where? OK, you're gonna help the kids... and none of them learn anything. OK, what else? The roads? Roads are shit. OK, what about the homelessness? ... There’s no results.” (Adam Carolla, 81:12)
• They lampoon political hypocrisy and virtue signaling, using Kamala Harris and Malibu real estate as a case in point.

8. Transgender Athletes and Sports Rules Rant

[107:00]–[112:25]

• The trio reacts to the latest commercial advocating for biological males to play women’s sports, with Adam tearing into the rhetorical framing:
  • “You can get inspired... you can fucking go do whatever you want. Hey, bitch, go to the park... This is all they do. They cause a problem, and then they want to know why we're talking about it.” (Adam Carolla, 108:33–110:21)
  • “Every sport has rules. There are things you can’t do.” (Mike Dawson, 110:17)
  • “It’s not about supporting trans youth, it’s about… I don’t want dudes beating up on chicks on the volleyball court.” (Adam Carolla, 111:00)

9. Notable Memorable Moments and Quotes

• “Yeah, I'm taller than most anyone who borrows my car... the seat is always pushed up and the mirrors move too... Nobody will ever undo it.” (Adam Carolla, 04:51)
• “There was a time when bands could be ugly. Every guy in Steely Dan, also.” (Dana Gould & Adam Carolla, 42:42)
• “Friendship is finished... but there's hope, a way to make it through...” (Dana & Adam mocking Lee Majors's singing, 56:12–57:27)
• All-time riff: “We should take the homeless people and put them in the fucking pothole. That would solve our problem. That would solve two problems.” (Adam Carolla, 81:31)

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Key Timestamps

| Timestamp | Segment / Quote | |----------------|-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | [02:16] | “There’s a handful of guys who can sit and roll...” (Adam Carolla) | | [10:11] | “He’s just looking at me: What is this?” (Adam’s son re: Knight Rider) | | [13:29] | “There’s no story. A lot of people thrown through windows...” (Adam Carolla) | | [14:46] | Robert Loggia Orange Juice ad scene/read-along | | [18:03] | Adam enumerates every required 70s action movie trope | | [24:22] | AI-generated disaster movie titles segment begins | | [26:03] | Avalanche Express: “Female slap shot... female football team...” (Dana & Adam) | | [31:58] | Tarantulanche is born | | [46:33] | Adam’s video store / porn rental story | | [54:39] | Lee Majors chest hair and era fashion commentary | | [58:05] | Farrah Fawcett & Lee Majors—“winningest couple ever” | | [75:08] | Political and charity fraud/corruption rant starts | | [108:33] | Trans athletes argument: “Hey, bitch, go to the park...” | | [111:00] | “It’s not about supporting trans youth... it’s about freedom on and off the field...” | | [112:25] | Wrap-up, plugs, and closing banter |

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Tone & Language

The banter is fast-paced, irreverent, and steeped in sarcasm; both hosts swear liberally and poke fun at themselves, TV/movies, politicians, and social trends. References are densely layered, from obscure character actors to biting social critique.

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For New Listeners

This episode is a showcase of Adam and Dana’s encyclopedic (and comedic) pop culture memory, filtered through the lens of sarcasm and old-school, anti-virtue-signaling contrarianism. The “80s Movie Pitch” bit is prime example of both their improvisational skills and commitment to affectionately mocking the pop culture of their youth. The episode is also dense with asides about classic Hollywood, TV, and the weirdness of both political and entertainment industries—best appreciated by listeners who enjoy a blend of deep-cut nostalgia, sharp-tongued critique, and absurdist riffing.

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Summary prepared by Podcast Summarizer AI

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

Well, in this episode, Dana Gould, one of the funniest guys on the planet, joins me. Dawson's got the news. And we'll do all that right after this. Hey, this is Adam Carolla from the Adam Carolla Show. The NFL playoffs are here and Betonline gives you more ways to play. With Betonline, you get the latest odds, breaking news and live scores. With Betonline's in game betting, you'll never miss a moment of the college football playoffs and the road to the super bowl as well. When it's time to switch gears, dive into Betonline's casino, packed with hundreds of the hottest slots, classic table games, live dealers and massive jackpots just waiting for you. And if you love the NBA or the ufc, NHL, it's all there. You can place a little bet on the action, get in on the action. Please don't. And don't Forget the BETOnline VIP program with exclusive level up bonuses, weekly cash boosts and rewards designed for serious players. Head to Betonline today because at betonline the game starts here. Most people would rather assemble a 300 piece cabinet than search for insurance. That's why the zebra searches for you. Comparing over 100 insurance companies to find savings no one else can Compare.

[Dana Gould]

[e-mail].

[Mike Dawson]

From Corolla One studios in Glendale, California, this is the Adam Carolla Show. Adam's guest today, Dana Gould. Plus the news with me, Mike Dawson. And now Adam Carolla.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, get it on, got to get it on. The choice are gonna mandate you get it on. Thanks for tuning in. Thanks for telling the friend. We love that about you, Dana Gould. I always, obviously I'm literally talking to somebody yesterday and you know, you get into that, is this guy funny? Is that guy funny? Could they hang? Can that guy hang? And I have to explain to people, and I said to him, I go, you know, there's really, there's a handful of guys who can sit and roll.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Now there are a million comedians, but they're just a sort of handful of guys who can sit, sit and roll. And I was talking, you know, I said, well, this guy and that, I was bringing up these sort of, you know, household names. And then I said, oh, and Dana Gould, because Dana Gould is usually how it works, can sit and roll as well. But I just don't, I think most people aren't sophisticated enough or they go, I've seen the guy five minutes, the guy's act, he's super funny. And I go, but yeah, it's just not the same as that ability to roll along.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah, And I think I got that one. I moved to San Francisco in the. In the 80s and there was a. We called it riffing, which is just. Yes, it's just as obnoxious as it sounds.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Dana Gould]

But yeah, it was. It sort of taught you to think on your feet and just. I mean, they're just people that are. There are people that are funny and there are comedians, and they're not always the same.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

Like, my brother Kevin is a home inspector and he would be a great guest.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Dana Gould]

You know? Cause he's just hilarious. He's got that Bill Murray, like he walks to the fridge and it's funny. He's not a comedian, but he's just. He can roll.

[Adam Carolla]

How many times you think your home inspecting brother has uttered the phrase, there's trouble with the flu because there is no house, there's trouble with the flu that can pass an inspection of a chimney that does not have a crack in the flu or.

[Dana Gould]

And. Cause he's in Massachusetts. Your moisture barrier.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, your moisture barrier.

[Dana Gould]

But once he called me up, he's like, drive my brother in. He never calls me. So I'm like, what the hell? Hello? Hey, are you near a computer? Yeah. He goes, will you look up 425 Elm street in Grafton? I go, why? He goes, just. Is this haunted? Are there any stories about this being haunted?

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Dana Gould]

I go, nothing. I found. He goes, well, I'm in it and I'm alone, and it looks like the.

[Adam Carolla]

House and the ghost of Mr. Chicken Don Knotts. Well, speaking of movies. Well, I wanna say something. I wanna bring something up. We stumbled onto it right before we got in. But your headphones were unplugged because Alicia Krause brings in her own headphones and then unplugs headphones and then takes her headphones.

[Dana Gould]

Sure. That's weird.

[Adam Carolla]

Nobody. I realize. And everyone thinks everyone does this, but nobody undoes things they do.

[Dana Gould]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

And here's my proof. I am six foot two. So I am taller than most anyone who borrows my car. And if somebody from this business, like Chuck in the next room, who's 5 foot 6, drops me off at the Burbank airport and then drives the car back and parks it here, the seat is always pushed up and the mirrors move too. Now, don't worry, Chuck, you join an elite fraternity of every motherfucker on the planet, because nobody will ever undo it. And the answer. And they were like, Whenever I always knew my sister was using my party house in the Valley with The basketball court with her kids, or kids who were seven at the time, because the basketball hoop was cranked all the way down three foot above the thing. And then, of course, I would show up and I'd go, oh, Lauren's been here. And then I would have to crank it back up because no one will ever undo what they've done.

[Dana Gould]

I don't know how you found it.

[Adam Carolla]

That's what you're saying. Yes. I'll come home, I'll turn on the tv, and I'm deep into the Disney Channel and I can't find myself way back to my. It's like, what? Oh, the maid was here and she brought her son. It's like, oh, just put it back. And the number. The answer is, no one will ever put it back because they're done with it.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah, it's a. There's. Although for your car, I've solved your problem. It depends on what you're driving. It's probably an older car because I have a hot rod Toyota RAV4 with racing stripe and roll bar, but there's a little button one, too. The seat. Because my daughter always takes my car and she's. My daughter might be the only person on the earth that's shorter than I am.

[Adam Carolla]

Pulls the seat up, never puts her back. Yeah, I'm gonna put it.

[Dana Gould]

And I just hit L1 and everything goes back.

[Adam Carolla]

You're right. Or you can hit L7 and be transported back to the 90s on KROQ and listening to some old lady bands.

[Dana Gould]

I would go in a minute.

[Adam Carolla]

So you're right. But also the person who's driving, every single single valet, whoever pulls the car around has the seat all the way up. And then some people argue. They go, well, if you borrow my car, then my seats, it's much easier to hop into a car where the seat's all the way back.

[Dana Gould]

Versus, I'll give you the one example where people always undo. If you share a computer with your wife.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, then you will undo it.

[Dana Gould]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. The valet guy not only has the seat all the way up, but he always has the tab in the windshield wiper and never pulls that out because they are done is the answer. And people always go, oh, they forgot. No, no. When I used to work in people's houses and I worked in everyone's houses when I was a carpenter and I was always hungry, I was always like, I'm going to the pantry and I'm going to see how many Ritz crackers I can kite before. I would think they would See, some were missing, you know, and then there's the mixed nuts over here. I can get a. Don't get greedy. Cause they'll know you got into it. So I would go and I would take the Ritz cracker box down, and I would take, like nine crackers, and then I would position it, like, I would literally, as if they took a photograph of their pantry before they left the house. But I would always just put everything back exactly as it was because I didn't want to get caught. All.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah, no, that's well advised. There was a story talking about the computer thing about a guy who didn't know, like, how to delete his cache or was. Or was looking at something that was so vile that his wife, like, went, like, college weekend with her friends and then came back and turned on the computer and was like, congratulations, your hard drive has been successfully wiped by McAfee. You really scrubbed everything down.

[Adam Carolla]

I went to an open house once with a woman, and she went in and use the bathroom, but sort of lied, said, I just want to go check out the antenna, but did not put the toilet seat back down because it's an open house and the toilet seat and the lid would be down, you know, for presentation.

[Dana Gould]

Oh, I see. The lid, not the seat.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, sorry, the lid. Flipped the seat up. Or. Sorry, sat down, did her business, left it up, of course, then walked back out. Then the realtor, like, turned the corner, was like, who's using this toy? It was immediate tell. I was like, put it back. Just put it back. They won't know everything. All right, now, questions for you. You love movies. You love bad movies. You love old movies. I was thinking about you when I was coming here because, like, the last time I was in, I go to pebble beach every year. I do a car race. I bring my son, We Airbnb a house, we all get together, we have drinks, we eat. And then I force my son to watch bad movies from the day, mostly so he can marvel. It's just sort of like, what the hell were they doing?

[Dana Gould]

Yeah, they made this.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we watched three episodes of Knight Rider out on the road in Denver two days ago. He's just looking at me. What is this? You know, what's going on? Why'd they do that? They set up something. They never paid it off. They're high on coke. They did whatever they wanted.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah, exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

That was it.

[Dana Gould]

This used to be a movie.

[Adam Carolla]

Nikki Katz, the great actor Nikki Katz passed a few months ago, but he was a real deep, old school Hollywood guy. And he was with us and he suggested Vigilante Force. And Vigilante Force had. First off, I said, I don't know. I don't know. It was like 75, 76.

[Dana Gould]

Is that a Corman movie?

[Adam Carolla]

No, I don't think so. But it's got Jan Michael Vincent in it. And I'm in.

[Dana Gould]

Natch.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm in.

[Dana Gould]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

So I'll play this and then we can play a little made up movie. But I think you're going to enjoy it. It's Kris Kristofferson too. American Town, 200th birthday. Until they found they were sitting on a half a billion dollars worth of oil. They called it God's country until all hell broke loose. Bar fight. Head of a bar fight.

[Dana Gould]

Well, well staged.

[Adam Carolla]

Then it was time. Vigilante Force. He just. You had to have Christopherson, star of Academy Award winning Alice doesn't live here anymore. Jan Michael Vincent, dynamic young star of White Line Fever and Buster and Billy come together in Vigilante Force.

[Dana Gould]

Last time I tried to go back.

[Mike Dawson]

Home, they gave me a parade.

[Dana Gould]

In one end of town and out the other.

[Adam Carolla]

Chris Christopherson is out. What a punch us to the gut. Could never win.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

What war?

[Mike Dawson]

My war.

[Adam Carolla]

He could never.

[Dana Gould]

No punches ever made. Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Michael Vincent is Ben who finally took the law into his own hands. All right. Give him hell. Listen to me.

[Dana Gould]

And when you good people hired me to come take care of your garbage, nobody was there telling me how to do the job. Nobody wanted to know.

[Adam Carolla]

Like a pack of mad dogs, they were unleashed to clean up the town of what?

[Dana Gould]

What is this movie about?

[Adam Carolla]

We don't know. I watch it. I don't know what it's about. There's no story. A lot of people thrown through windows. That was a big deal.

[Dana Gould]

The candy glass.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And now the time had come to settle the score.

[Dana Gould]

We're coming after you.

[Adam Carolla]

Blow it up. Victoria Principal star of Earthquake is Linda, who trusted a man once too often.

[Dana Gould]

That happens.

[Mike Dawson]

I'm going to kill you.

[Adam Carolla]

Broadway's Bernardette Peters dazzles as little D who loved not wisely, but very well indeed. I'm the cops. I was going to do something terrible to all of you. Her appear fairly slow. Yeah, like her mouth wasn't big enough to act.

[Dana Gould]

She was like Montgomery, Cliff, Kris Christopherson jam.

[Adam Carolla]

Michael Vincent fighting it out in Vigilante 4. I don't know what this movie's about.

[Dana Gould]

Gene Corman.

[Adam Carolla]

Gene Corman, who is Roger's brother. Oh, really?

[Dana Gould]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

It was a four minute trailer. You have no idea what the Movie's about. I watched a movie. I have no idea what the movie's about.

[Dana Gould]

Okay, I'm gonna. I don't know. These. Again, not similar. Something that you can't believe was real. Either do it now or everyone at home Google on YouTube. Robert Loggia Orange juice.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. That's all we need.

[Dana Gould]

That's all you need for. You'll just play it. Robert Loja Orange juice.

[Adam Carolla]

Orange juice. This was really on televisions now I could remember.

[Dana Gould]

You know Robert Loggia?

[Adam Carolla]

Sure. Robert Loggia was in everything.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And here we go. And Jane Bryant. I would have thought with orange juice. All right, let's see. Robert Loggia orange juice.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Try some new minute made orange tangerine. It's got calcium.

[Adam Carolla]

Then I'm not drinking it.

[Dana Gould]

Oh, no, it's sweet. You'll like it. I don't believe you.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, then who would you believe?

[Pluto TV Announcer]

I don't know.

[Dana Gould]

Robert Loggia.

[Adam Carolla]

Whoa.

[Dana Gould]

Robert Loggia.

[Adam Carolla]

Billy, your mother's right. New Minute Maid Orange tangerine tastes great. That's got as much calcium as milk.

[Dana Gould]

If you say so, Mr. Logia. Yeah, this is great.

[Adam Carolla]

Enjoy your breakfast.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

New Minute Maid lunch.

[Adam Carolla]

Tangerine with calcium. Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

There's two kids love Robert Loggia.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's been said once, you say the might as well say it a thousand times. There's two of. There's a modern day one. There's a modern day one of those. What is it? Okay, the fir. What was that? 80, 85, 84 or something. Okay, so I'll give you the trilogy of old guys who are recognized by kids.

[Caller]

Okay?

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, you're gonna love this. We're gonna start in 1975 with Phil Rizzuto from the money Store.

[Dana Gould]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Out of uniform, where the seven year old kid turns around and goes. It's Phil Razuto. Played his last game in 1941 and it's 1975 and he's out of uniform, but he recognized the gray haired Phil Rizzuto. All right, there is a modern day one, only a year or so old. It's the net. Jets share a jet ride. Jet, private jet thing where the guy's trying to take his son to the ball game. But of course, they're jets on the fritz. And then here comes John Elway, but The kid is 6 and John Elway is 66. And the kids, and they're on a tarmac. They're not in Denver, they're not at Mile High Stadium. John Elway, he just turns around and goes, John Elway. Like, yes, that's the modern Robert Loggia. Moment. And then the Phil. So it starts with Phil Rizzuto, then it goes to Robert Loggia, then to Elway. That's the trilogy. In case your younger bride would like to know.

[Dana Gould]

Robert Loggia has my favorite line in Lost highway, which is a. He holds up a video cassette. He goes, you like porno?

[Adam Carolla]

Give you a boner? Loggia says that, yeah, that commercial's from 1999, the orange juice one. Although 1999, you know, it's coming on 30 years old. So.

[Dana Gould]

That was after Lost highway.

[Adam Carolla]

Then there's. Yeah, Phil Rizzuto. And I'm Phil Rizzuto for the Money Store. Exactly. And I sat around when I was 11 in North Hollywood, and I have no fucking idea who Phil Rizzuto is. But he is wearing, like a three piece pinstripe suit with a pinky ring, and his last name is Rizzuto, of the Rizzuto crime syndicate. And he represents a place called the Money Store. And I'm like, that place must be mobbed up as shit. Like, it seemed all very, very mobby to me.

[Dana Gould]

The thing about Vigilante Force is like. Yeah, they used to just make movies. They're just like. It was like a TV show. I was like, yeah, we'll put it out. Well, now they make four movies a year and they're all $3 billion.

[Adam Carolla]

It was like, here's what you do. We are gonna. It's 1975, 1976. We're gonna make a movie. All right? We're gonna need three or four shotgun pumps, right? We need four or five explosions. We need a car going off the road. We need a bar fight. We need somebody thrown through a plate glass window.

[Dana Gould]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

We need some titties.

[Dana Gould]

Titties.

[Adam Carolla]

And then something a little off, like an outhouse blowing up or something like that. We're done.

[Dana Gould]

We're done.

[Adam Carolla]

What's the movie about?

[Dana Gould]

White Line Fever. The Great Smoky Roadblock. One of my favorite, my favorite of the CB trucker craze that swept the nation.

[Adam Carolla]

It was just such a novelty to just see a car go off the road. That it was. We'd be in.

[Dana Gould]

It was in the James. It got into the James Bond. Remember the whole point of the man with the man with the Golden Gun was the car doing the flip over the bridge.

[Adam Carolla]

Remember?

[Dana Gould]

Bridge broke?

[Adam Carolla]

James Bond. Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

Don't know how it worked, but it did.

[Adam Carolla]

They literally just took that bridge and they sort of twisted it and the guy literally did it. I mean, back when they'd go analog, like.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah. No, I don't know. I mean, I don't know how they did that stunt.

[Adam Carolla]

I would say they failed a few times before they made it. And I would also rec. I would also reckon it was a lot like the James Bond one where he had to run over the heads of the alligators to get off this island covered with alligators. That guy ran over the heads of alligators?

[Dana Gould]

Yeah, it was his alligator. I know way too much about James Bond. I know you do.

[Adam Carolla]

Tried it, like, on the 45th time he pulled it off.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah, it's amazing. And you can go on YouTube and see the outtakes, and it's like, dude.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, it's on a shin buster.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah. It's a great stunt. In Diamonds Are Forever, there's a scene where they go on two wheels to drive between two buildings.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Dana Gould]

And then a month later, they shot it coming out.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Dana Gould]

And it's coming out the wrong way.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh.

[Dana Gould]

So when you watch the movie, inexplicably, as they're driving through an alley, the car switches sides drive.

[Adam Carolla]

Driving on two wheels was a whole thing. Huge thing in 1990's Joey Chitwood in a strill team. Joey Chitwood. Come on, Dana. He'd pop that thing up. He'd go around Ascot Raceway on two wheels, and at some point, someone would climb out of the passenger side window and like, surf on the side of the car. Like if there was.

[Dana Gould]

By the way, the only way I know of Joey Chitwood is when any of us were driving. That's what our father would call, hey, Joey Chitwood, move the car over there.

[Adam Carolla]

Joey Chitwood had a thrill team. It was sort of Evil Knievel light. You know that thing where he'd pop it up on two wheels and be driving the car on two wheels, and then someone out of the passenger seat would climb out of the passenger window and sort of surf on the side of the door in the roof. That act right there, like, if you had a just you said things that would scare a mom, but it could only be one act. Like, one act with her going, no, no. Would it be jumping off the dam into the river? Would it be shooting a shotgun? Would it be taming a lion? I think that pictures like every mom's.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah. Here it comes. Here it comes.

[Adam Carolla]

Here it comes.

[Dana Gould]

No, it's just. And it's. It's less believable than Avatar. What happens?

[Adam Carolla]

Probably got Joey Chitwood driving that Mustang Mach 1. Dead end. Oh, yeah. Oh. Loading ramp. Lean over, lean over. I think he's on the right. So driver's side is down.

[Dana Gould]

Now watch this.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, there. We gotta roll that cop, by the way.

[Dana Gould]

Here, watch this. Let's switch.

[Adam Carolla]

What just happened?

[Dana Gould]

Wait a minute.

[Adam Carolla]

That is crazy. Impressive, but crazy. What was the cop thinking? I'm gonna get on two wheels and follow this guy. Like he does have a radio.

[Dana Gould]

It is if you know anything about like the Bond movies, like they were the real gritty ones with Sean Connery and then the Roger Moore ones were a little more had been around for doz and it's a little more self aware and a little more tongue in cheek and winky. Almost like action comedies. Very, very 70s, very white line Fever. But Diamonds Are Forever is like a Roger Moore film that Sean Connery is in. It's a pretty. It's pretty light. And Connery is also so bloated. When you look. Have you ever seen the photos of the Beatles? Like the red. Remember the Blue Album and the Red Album where. Same photo, but they're like six years apart. But they've aged 40 years. Yes, same thing. You look at Dr. No and diamonds Are Forever and it's like. Was this 30 years apart? No, seven.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's like either crack cocaine or being the president.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah, it just like, it wears you down.

[Adam Carolla]

So we thought that we could do a little made up movie and Andrew said He could ask ChatGPT to generate movie titles. Okay, and now what else were the instructions for ChatGPT to make up a movie, but of a genre?

[Dana Gould]

Okay, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

These are 10 fake large scale. What I said was 10 fake movies that would have existed between 1975 and 1980. Movie titles suggest a large scale action movie a la Towering Inferno or Poseidon Adventure. Not Oscar bait material per se, but movies would have been directed by John Frankenheimer or John Boorman.

[Dana Gould]

All right, and chatgpt and I blissfully know, don't even know how to access it and it can ingest that much information, evidently.

[Adam Carolla]

We'll hear what movie titles they came up with.

[Mike Dawson]

Firestorm at 40,000ft.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay, well, it's gotta be in an airplane because that's the only thing that's gonna be 40,000ft. I mean, it's not gonna be a skyscraper. Even Mount Everest is like 26,000ft. So could be a rocket. Let's go rocket.

[Dana Gould]

Rocket. Helicopter.

[Adam Carolla]

Helicopter. Won't get to 40,000.

[Dana Gould]

Too much air's too thin.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, yeah, they're not gonna give. It's gotta be pressurized. Okay, now the thing about a rocket is a rock. How many feet? Just so you know, there's nine other titles here, so you can pick each one. And there's one here that I think you're gonna give us another one. Let's see the.

[Mike Dawson]

The Last Bridge standing here. I'll just give you them all of them. Blackout. Avalanche Express. Deep Water Rising. Terminal Shock. Earthquake Over Manhattan.

[Adam Carolla]

Over Manhattan. Okay.

[Mike Dawson]

The Burning Stadium. Storm Warning Atlantic.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, I'm gonna go a little different angle here. Avalanche Express. Avalanche Express is an all woman's tackle football team. Right. 70s titty romp.

[Dana Gould]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Mike Dawson]

There you go.

[Dana Gould]

Like blazing stewardesses.

[Mike Dawson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Then they have a bus. You. Right.

[Dana Gould]

They come into town. Sort of like a female slap shot.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? Female slap shot. So they're called the Avalanche. The bus is called the Avalanche Express.

[Dana Gould]

Love it.

[Adam Carolla]

And there's like lots of scenes of like the elderly couple driving behind them and they pull the shirt up and mash the boobs. They show the car. Slide off, slide off.

[Dana Gould]

Did you see that, Mort?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, I did. That's right. Right. It makes it. Then they show him putting his glasses on and she looks at him. Avalanche.

[Mike Dawson]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

Shelley Winters is the coach.

[Dana Gould]

Yes. Or the owner.

[Adam Carolla]

Owner. Okay, let's make her the sassy, brassy owner. It's a female football league.

[Dana Gould]

Angie Dickinson is the Harry or the head of the team who just can't take it anymore.

[Mike Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

She's the coach now, people.

[Dana Gould]

And there's a young upstart on the team, Adrian Barbeau. Yeah. That's taking over the team.

[Adam Carolla]

Taking over the team. Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

There's going to be a cat fight between Adrian and Andrew. And then I have a feeling they're gonna learn how to work together.

[Adam Carolla]

Uh huh. And so people don't know that there was a short lived female tackle football league that existed for women.

[Dana Gould]

I'm one of those people.

[Adam Carolla]

I believe there's a Charlie's Angels episode where they are actually trying out. You can look it up. But there was. This'll work. The Avalanche Express. The team's called the Avalanche. They hate the owner. They have to win X amount of games. It's basically. You're right, you take slap shot and.

[Dana Gould]

There'S a well funded female team that's just put together by the opposing rich people that is all ringers, right?

[Adam Carolla]

All ringers. And it's like as their bus comes pulling up and backfiring and it's all tattered and whatever. You see the private jacket that the winner team is getting off of. Right. So you gotta topple them. Ryan o', Neil, Sibyl, Danny is ahead.

[Dana Gould]

Of the other team.

[Adam Carolla]

Sybil Danning, fresh from Concrete Jungle. Yes, Cybill Danning, who was like, I don't know what else to call her other than just sort of titty Queen from the 70s or something.

[Dana Gould]

Amazonian.

[Adam Carolla]

Amazonian, right.

[Dana Gould]

Nothing wrong with it.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Angels in the Backfield is the episode from Charlie's Angels where they physically played tackle football. They had to try out for the team. Anything to get them into the locker room was pretty much how it worked back in the day. Also, there's one guy that's watching. Who's the bad guy?

[Dana Gould]

Hey, don't worry about it, Pokey.

[Adam Carolla]

Back then, all you had to have is bad skin and you were just a bad guy.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah, there was that guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Anybody with bad skin. This guy's one of those guys. Any guy with ruddy skin was just the bad guy.

[Dana Gould]

I can't think of his name, but he's in the movie, a really great movie called Scarecrow with Gene Hackman and Al Pacino. And he's the bad guy in Scarecrow.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, there was a guy who was burned.

[Dana Gould]

That might have been the guy.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm thinking of the guy who's like, ear, nose. Like he was burned badly. And that guy always played the bad guy. Cause his face was messed up. But then there'd just be other guys with just pockmarks and they were just the bad guy.

[Mike Dawson]

Did you mention the bad guy in Greece? He was also.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, pockmark. Maybe that's what turns them evil. Yeah, they can't, you know. By the way, using that logic, Brian Adams would be a bad guy. Sure, but.

[Dana Gould]

And then there was the guy that was the play, the vampire.

[Adam Carolla]

Richard Lynch. Richard lynch is the guy we're thinking of. All right, so Avalanche Express. Ryan o' Neill is the love interest, but there's two women that are competing for his love, I think for.

[Dana Gould]

Would it be Ryan o'? Neill? Would it be Jan? Michael Vincent? I think for this budget.

[Adam Carolla]

But this a little zanier. I don't know if Jan can handle comedy.

[Dana Gould]

True. Tim Thomason would be in it.

[Adam Carolla]

Which one is Tim Thomas?

[Dana Gould]

Oh, my. You know. You know Tim Thomas.

[Adam Carolla]

I know if I saw him.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah, for sure.

[Adam Carolla]

Most famous for what was a stand up.

[Dana Gould]

And he's in all those. He's in all those movies. Can we get a photo of Tim Thomason? There you go.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that guy.

[Dana Gould]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I mean, I knew him when he was. Yeah, he'd be in all those movies once.

[Dana Gould]

Pinned Robin Williams up against the wall of the comedy studio.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, he's a sidekick, right? Yep. Why'd he pin Robin Williams against the wall.

[Dana Gould]

Conflict over a bit.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you think Robin stole the bit from him?

[Dana Gould]

I don't think Robin stole the bit. Robin would. Was a vacuum. And it would come in and go out and he would never. I can only say I knew him and he was a lovely guy and he was very moral. And I know he had a bad rep early in the day for being a material thief. Thief would be a. But knowing him and seeing him work, I think stuff would just go in and come out.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. You know, I mean, that's who he was.

[Dana Gould]

And he got a lot better about. He got much more aware of it later in life, and he would purposely just, like, not watch people, and he can't. I remember once he came up to me, was like, I did something that somebody said was similar to something that you did. And I was like, dude, I don't care. Mm. Yeah, I really liked him.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Avalanche Express. I think I got that one. Even though it was supposed to be an action movie, I think the farcical female football team.

[Dana Gould]

And this is brain over computers. I got a better title, a better movie, and you don't need chatgpt.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Dana Gould]

In the spirit of sharknado Tarantulanche.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, Avalanche of tarantulas. Thank you.

[Dana Gould]

You're welcome.

[Adam Carolla]

So it starts off Clyde Akins. Clyde Akins is a treasure hunter. Right. He has to go to deepest, darkest Africa.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah. Or Arizona.

[Adam Carolla]

Or Arizona. Well, we're gonna shoot it in Arizona, but. But we're going to do it. And there are these indigenous tarantulas that have been breeding up on the top of the hill. And the natives know it. Like, he's like, I'm going into that cave and getting that gold. And the natives, like, we don't go there. And they're trying to describe, you know, one. One takes a stick and draws it in the dirt because they can't communicate. But he thinks it's the sun or star.

[Dana Gould]

These people want raisin brain.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, that's right. Give him some Raisin Bran. Let's go to the cave. But the natives know, you know, and he's, like, using one of them as a guide. But at some point, the guide stops. Always pivotal part in the movie when the guide stops and goes, yeah, well, no more, you know, they go, come on, we gotta go further.

[Dana Gould]

Jamie Farr would play the guide.

[Adam Carolla]

Jamie Farr could play the guide because he's got. He could. He could do ethnic.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah, he's swarthy.

[Adam Carolla]

He's swarthy.

[Dana Gould]

Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he Jamie Farr or Desi Arnaz.

[Dana Gould]

Jr might have been a little more boyish.

[Adam Carolla]

So the spiders have been guarding. Now Clyde Akins can't figure out why the natives never just went and got the gold. I don't get it. It's in the cave. It's right up the hill. Why don't you go? But they're not going because they know about the tarantula ranch.

[Dana Gould]

And there's a certain valley you can never get out of. So Cloud. Great. We'll just blow it.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Dana Gould]

We'll just put some charges in there. Bring the gold to us.

[Adam Carolla]

Right?

[Dana Gould]

What he doesn't know is he's gonna bring something else with the gold.

[Adam Carolla]

A tarantula avalanche.

[Dana Gould]

An avalanche of tarantulas. Or as I like to say, a tarantulanche.

[Adam Carolla]

Bowl and branch. I used to be one of those guys who didn't pay attention to my sheets. Well, I used to be one of those guys who didn't really have sheets. But the first night I got into my bowl and Branch's signature sheet. Ah. I fell deep, deep asleep. With the beautiful softness and the breathability. It makes a difference. They're woven by artisans with the finest 100% organic cotton. And they're made to get softer every time you wash them. So it just gets better. Available in 25 colors and they have a 30 night worry free guarantee. I sleep better with these sheets. They're cooler. They're softer. The last ones I had were no good. I'm never going back. It's going to be Bolen Branch and that is it. Am I right, Dawson?

[Mike Dawson]

Discover a softness beyond your wildest dreams with Bolan branch. Get 15% off your first set of sheets plus free shipping at BollandBranch.com ACS with code ACS that's bull and Branch. B O L L A N D B r a n c-h.com ACS code ACS to unlock 15% off exclusions app.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Pluto TV has thousands of free movies and TV shows. This is the mindset.

[Mike Dawson]

Free.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

This is the mantra. This is with movies like Joe dirt, pixels and 51st days. This is awesome. And TV shows like Survivor, SpongeBob SquarePants, the Fairly Odd Parents and Ghosts. Pluto TV is always free.

[Dana Gould]

Huzzah.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

So you don't TV stream now pay? Never.

[Adam Carolla]

You're welcome.

[Dana Gould]

Tarantula. That's my crime.

[Adam Carolla]

Tarantulanche may be the best title since the very basically titled.

[Dana Gould]

Produced by Dan Striepeck.

[Adam Carolla]

What? There was a movie called.

[Dana Gould]

Starring Richard Benjamin, I believe or Dirk Benedict could.

[Adam Carolla]

Have been Dirk Benedict, the guy from.

[Dana Gould]

Battlestar Galactica, I believe, is in it. Dan Strepeck was the head of the makeup department of 20th Century Fox in the movie.

[Adam Carolla]

A guy turned into a snake. Yes.

[Dana Gould]

Dan Strepbeck is the guy that hired John Chambers to create the makeup for Planet of the Apes. But it was Dan ran the makeup department and he subcontracted to John Chambers. Cause John Chambers was the guy. He was the. You know, he's like the Todd Rundgren of May. You bring this guy in, and he's gonna do something that nobody else can do.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Dana Gould]

But I knew Dan street, who he was, from photos of him in Famous Monsters magazine, which I read as a kid. So this is several years ago. I live behind the Chateau Marmont, and we had a parking problem because of.

[Adam Carolla]

Dublin's, the bar down on Sunset.

[Dana Gould]

So we have a neighborhood parking meeting of people. Like we're trying.

[Adam Carolla]

When you lived above Sunset.

[Dana Gould]

Right, When I lived above Sunset in the early aughts. And there's this guy at the meeting, Dan. And I know exactly who he is. And I go up to him later, I go, you're Dan Stripeck. He goes, yeah. And I go, oh, I know famous monsters, blah, blah, blah. I love Planet. Two days later, knock on my door. Dan Streepak with one of the extras masks from Planet of the Apes and one of the appliances on a vacuum form mold. He goes, here, you should have these.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

That is amazing.

[Dana Gould]

And then. And he ended the last 20 years of his life. He was Tom Hanks personal makeup guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Dana Gould]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

We have the trailer to.

[Dana Gould]

Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

Lestruther Martin, which I saw in the movie theaters when I was, you know, nine and a half.

[Dana Gould]

See if it's Dirk Benedict.

[Adam Carolla]

All right.

[Dana Gould]

Oh, it's now on Blu Ray.

[Adam Carolla]

It's now on Blu Ray.

[Dana Gould]

Does it need to be.

[Adam Carolla]

No, it doesn't need it in. Once this motion picture sinks its fangs into you, you'll never be the same. Don't fail. HISSING oh, Judge Reinhold.

[Dana Gould]

Oh, that's horrible.

[Adam Carolla]

Hold on a second. Back in the 70s, if you needed to kill somebody, you could do it one of two ways. You could either cut their brake lines of their car. I know something about cars and master cylinders and slave cylinders and hydraulics. If you cut. It's a closed system. If you open it when you're backing out of your driveway, your brake pedal just goes to the floor. Right. You don't get going up on Mulholland 70 miles an hour and then start.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah. It doesn't Work right now.

[Adam Carolla]

You feel it immediately when you bleed brakes. Like when I bleed the brakes on one of my race cars, there's a bleeding knob. You open it, and when your guy in the car's foot will just go, right. Because there's no pressure. It's like it's open. The system got open. So you can't cut someone's brake line and expect them not to notice.

[Dana Gould]

Set a tire.

[Adam Carolla]

They notice when they get in the car. Their foot will hit the brake pedal and just go all the way down. And they'll go, something's wrong. And then they'll see brake fluid, a puddle brake fluid by their tire. They won't do it. So there's two ways you could kill people in the 70s. Cut the brake line. Or you could take a snake or a scorpion or almost any reptile. Just throw it in their car.

[Dana Gould]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

And then. And then at some point, they'd climb into their car. And of course the scorpion would kill them. I mean, the scorpion would never be in the back on the floor.

[Dana Gould]

I don't think a scorpion kills you.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't think it does either. But the snake would never be scared and just be on the other side. They're always. All you gotta do is throw a snake in your car.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah. And again we go back to Diamonds Are Forever. They drop a scorpion down the back of a guy's coat and he goes and dies instantly. I don't think that's how the work.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't think that's how scorpions work.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah. Even if they did kill you, it would probably take days.

[Adam Carolla]

All right. Sorry. More.

[Dana Gould]

I want to see who plays the dude.

[Adam Carolla]

What the hell are you doing here?

[Mike Dawson]

Get out.

[Adam Carolla]

Get out.

[Dana Gould]

Oh, so many snakes. I feel like my guts are being rearranged. Touch your skin.

[Adam Carolla]

It's scaled. Look for your legs. They're gone. It's turning into a snake. It's cold. And listen for the hissing.

[Dana Gould]

I love you. Your face. What about it?

[Adam Carolla]

It looks different.

[Caller]

Different.

[Dana Gould]

Is that Heather Enies want to see you.

[Adam Carolla]

Nobody but you could confirm that. Even her. Versus Mongoose. Or is it man versus Man? This is a mainstream movie at the El Portal or the Guild Theater when I used to walk there in North Hollywood.

[Dana Gould]

I gotta see if this is Heather.

[Adam Carolla]

Horror film ever made.

[Dana Gould]

Zanuck Brown produced it. They made a little movie called Jaws.

[Adam Carolla]

I've heard of that one. I've heard it.

[Dana Gould]

I think Heather Menzies, I think that's who she was. She was the middle daughter in the Sound of Music and was on the TV series Logan's Run, there was a married to Bob Urich.

[Adam Carolla]

Bob Urich.

[Dana Gould]

And was in Playboy.

[Adam Carolla]

I love Bob Urich. What a guy. He'll be missed. Can I say Dan Tanna Swat all the greats. Vegas played Rocky Blair.

[Dana Gould]

He did.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Dana Gould]

Heather Menzies. I was right. And Richard B. Scholl was the guy laughing.

[Adam Carolla]

There was a small window in the 70s where men's hair and women's hair were almost the same. Women wore it a little bit shorter. Guys had sort of the Keith Partridge look.

[Dana Gould]

It was like a feathered.

[Adam Carolla]

Feathery little banging about it.

[Dana Gould]

It's called a shag.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a shag. And it was the same length. Like, it was.

[Mike Dawson]

There was.

[Adam Carolla]

There was a time. There were like, three months in 1977 when men and women had the exact same hair. Leif Garrett had the same haircut as the ladies from Charlie's Angels.

[Dana Gould]

There was a band, the band that Lemmy was in Motorhead. Before Motorhead. The band that he was in before Motorhead.

[Adam Carolla]

Engine Foot.

[Dana Gould]

Something like that. No, it's literally something like that.

[Adam Carolla]

Something like that.

[Dana Gould]

And you look at their photos, like, 72, 73. And it's like, oh, yeah. There was a time when bands could be ugly.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Dana Gould]

Every guy in this band is not as less attractive than the other guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Every guy in the Steely Dan, also. Every guy.

[Dana Gould]

Not an attractive group.

[Adam Carolla]

Every guy in the Bay City Rollers had the same haircut. That woman just had the shag. Right.

[Dana Gould]

Are we looking at the bank? Because now. It's driving me crazy.

[Adam Carolla]

It's like before Motorhead was.

[Dana Gould]

He was just a boy.

[Adam Carolla]

Hawkwind.

[Dana Gould]

Hawk Wind.

[Adam Carolla]

Hawk Wind. Yeah, very spot.

[Dana Gould]

Hawkwind was really Spinal Tap.

[Adam Carolla]

Lemmy's been dead for three years. How long's Lemmy been dead? Because he's been dead for three years. But I bet he doesn't smell as bad now.

[Dana Gould]

10.

[Adam Carolla]

I bet he doesn't smell as bad now as he did when I interviewed him on FM radio back in the day.

[Dana Gould]

I had an experience with Lemmy that I thought for a minute that I didn't. That it was fake. And I said, did that happen? He was. Oh, yeah, that happened. I was on Colin's Sleazy Friends.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Dana Gould]

Remember?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

Colin's Sleazy Friends. There's Hawkwind, very Spinal Tap. That's Lemmy, I believe, on the far left. No. Or. No, that's him behind the guy. Long story longer, Colin. Sleazy Friends was a cable access show in Los Angeles, California, hosted by a guy named Colin Malone who worked at the 2020 video. And he would have comedians and musicians and porn stars on.

[Adam Carolla]

And it was very popular.

[Dana Gould]

It was very popular. And Colin was lovely. And I was on with Lemmy and the big porn star guy. That's not appealing physically. Ron Jeremy. Ron Jeremy and a young lady whose name I don't remember. And we're sitting there towards the end of the show, and this woman is sitting on Ron Jeremy's lap, and she is fellating a sex toy. And I'm sitting next to Lemmy on a bean bag chair. And I looked at Lemmy and I said, I've had this dream before, but there were hobbits in it. And he said, they didn't have beanbag chairs in Middle Earth. But I was like, that was funny. That's a good comeback. And then I said, and years later, I went to my friend Ken Daley, who was with me. I was like, did I dream that or did that happen? He was like, no, that happened. I was there.

[Adam Carolla]

Is Colin still alive?

[Dana Gould]

I imagine he is. I don't know where he is. But everybody did that show. Like, Bob Odenkirk was on that show.

[Adam Carolla]

I may have done that show.

[Dana Gould]

I'm sure you did, if you were alive.

[Adam Carolla]

I was alive. I remember it was a big show.

[Dana Gould]

It was when what is now the Relax the back store on Ventura Boulevard in Studio city was the 2020 video.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Dana Gould]

And one day I was in there. And the. You know, the porn section has those western doors.

[Adam Carolla]

Always my favorite.

[Dana Gould]

Shame, shame, shame.

[Adam Carolla]

There's a new masturbating sheriff in town. Clear out, Dalton boys. Clear out of the big boob section.

[Dana Gould]

And I'm talking to. Probably talking to Colin, and guy comes out of the porn section with, like, the World Trade center just, like, two stacks of porn balancing with his chin.

[Adam Carolla]

Whoa. He got his chin involved.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

Holding him in. And it was Taxi's Jeff Conaway.

[Adam Carolla]

Jeff Conaway got two towers of porn.

[Dana Gould]

I think if you're doing a lot of blow and you want to just make it a day long.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, that sounds very coke driven.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah, that sounds very cokey.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. That was, sadly, the video store.

[Dana Gould]

Judd his Hirsch.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the one. I had rented Bobby Hollander's porn bloopers at that 2020 and had to return it. Realized I had no cash, but only change from my truck ashtray. And the woman and the girl behind the counter, turns out, went to high school with me, of course, but she was two years younger than me, so I didn't Recognize her? But I was like captain of the football team. So when I'm paying for my Bobby Hollander porn with nickels, she goes, adam Carolla, how's it going? You know? And I'm like, well, evidently not too well. Yeah, let's see. Let me finish counting these nickels.

[Dana Gould]

You couldn't even return them anonymously because they had a different color case.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Dana Gould]

Coins were blue or something.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, the case would have all the action on it.

[Dana Gould]

But no, when you rented it, they would put. Remember when you'd rent a videotape they put it in.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Dana Gould]

In a plastic case. But regular movies had black ones and green blue ones. Yes, I think, I don't know, I've never done it.

[Adam Carolla]

Well also people forget, like if somebody. If you would rent Hudson Hawk and you lost it, it was $119. Yeah, it was huge. It was expensive, by the way. It was $89 when we were making $4.75 an hour. Like it was super expensive. If you lost a VHS tape with zero value Now, I don't know.

[Dana Gould]

I know, it's so crazy. I know people that still, you know, it's VHS tapes are like vinyl. Like there's a. There are people that still have their machines and you can. Because you can buy a library of movies for $4. Yeah, I know people that do it. And certainly in horror and low budget horror, there's a. Do you ever go to the Bearded Lady Mystic Museum on Magnolia in Burbank? It's a goofy store in Magnolia.

[Adam Carolla]

They sell. I saw a bearded lady on TV earlier today. Actually, Andrew can find the bearded lady that Megyn Kelly was showing me earlier today when I was on her show. Reminds me of that. But go ahead.

[Dana Gould]

And it's just like it's a weird store that sells skulls and whatever and they have like a museum as part of it. And one of the rotating museum things is you go into a video store, they have a. They call flashback video. And it's a perfectly recreated video store of VHS videotapes. And it's just a beautiful time machine feeling.

[Adam Carolla]

What is the kitsch thing or whatever. It was like that, Gene. Like here's, here's what I'm saying. I don't share many of your sensibilities, cuz I'm more like builder, race car guy like that. But when it comes, and that's why.

[Dana Gould]

People don't know this, we should just say it when we're not on the show. Often we are physically fighting.

[Adam Carolla]

But when I was. When my son we Were doing Denver Comedy Works last week. We're staying at the condo. Great.

[Dana Gould]

You know, I'm in the mullet museum in that condo. Were you in there? It looks like where the monkeys lived.

[Adam Carolla]

Everything is an animal theme, but it's purple. It's a menagerie over there. Yes.

[Dana Gould]

There's a list. There's a string of photos of people with terrible mullets. Ellen DeGeneres is in there, Bobby Collins is in there. And young Dana Gould is in there.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow. With a mullet.

[Dana Gould]

Well modified. Yeah, we all had the Lethal Weapon, the Mel Gibson Lethal Weapon modified mullet.

[Adam Carolla]

We stumbled onto the whatever channel and looked ahead and I said to my son, oh, they're running the Bionic Woman from 11 o' clock tonight until 4:30 in the morning when we get back from the show. That's what we're doing. And I was literally on stage thinking about getting back to the Bionic Woman.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah, I'm dubbed in there now.

[Adam Carolla]

What? I don't know why. I don't know why that is. I don't know what. Was it, Pluto that you found? Was that what it was? I'm trying to think. I can tell you. The lineup emergency. The Bionic Woman, the Bionic Man, Knight Rider and Miami Vice. And those are all the ones, I'm.

[Dana Gould]

Sorry, Tenet TV, Pluto or MeTV. I don't know if those are on MeTV. I watch MeTV a lot.

[Adam Carolla]

We watched.

[Dana Gould]

Do you remember the song that he wrote about the Bionic Woman?

[Adam Carolla]

Who wrote it?

[Dana Gould]

Steve Austin.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, no.

[Dana Gould]

And sang it.

[Adam Carolla]

She moved the hair from her ear so she could hear.

[Dana Gould]

Her ear is so good.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Dana Gould]

She couldn't hear. Her hair was on the way. But there's a song, I guess in the episode where they spin off the Bionic Woman.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

She gets a plane. Skydiving accident, I think is why she becomes bionic.

[Adam Carolla]

She gets. This is one of my jokes when I was like 13, Steve Austin, experimental plane crash. She and chute doesn't, you know, she gets in a skydiving accident and then a little bit later she gets a bionic dog. And I was like, his chute didn't open either. It's a funny joke for like a 13 year old, right? The dog was a fire. The dog was burnt in a fire. Got it Then that's about a dog. But the song, the song.

[Dana Gould]

All I know is this line because her name is Jamie Summers. Jamie. That's the only lyric I remember. But Lee Major sings it.

[Adam Carolla]

So what is the. Now most people I know, almost everyone I Know, But Dana Gould looks at that shit and just goes, oh, give me a break. Can we watch something good? It's no good. You know what I mean? And to me, I can't get enough of it. I can't get enough. Mike August is great. We pass by Marty Supreme. Mike August will do this one. I'll go, you want to see Marty Supreme? I'm not watching a movie about ping pong. Then I go, it's not a movie about pink. Every Mike. Why should I watch your movie about ping pong? It's not. Movies have themes. Like, you know, Breaking Away is one of my favorite movies. It was a local race on a Huffy going around a dirt track at high school. That's not. It's not the Super Bowl, Mike. It's ping pong. But it's the story. It's the story. I'm not watching a movie about ping pong. So it's perfect. But we have the Lee Majors. This is crazy to me because I thought I knew everything, and I know nothing. So I'm having to explain to my son who the Bionic Woman is. Who the Bionic man is. When you watch the opening to Bionic man, it is like they should show it in film school and go, this is the perfect opening.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Because we're all caught up. My son's never heard of it. 45 seconds into the opening is exactly what this show is. All right. Sorry.

[Dana Gould]

It's been fun, lots of laughs. Jamie, it always is.

[Adam Carolla]

When friends meet again. Wow.

[Dana Gould]

Not a good voice. But lately it's gone flat for me. Jamie. Oh, man, I don't like seeing you now and then. What a dick. Friendship is finished.

[Adam Carolla]

Jogging in slow motion and smiling. He never zip ups his sweatsuit. Oh, by the way, you can pause. I had to explain to my son after watching enough Steve Austin in leisure suits and Hasselhoff, that chest hair was a plus back then. Now we wax it, we shave it. No one wants to see it, but this was considered an aphrodisiac. If you wonder why everybody's got their shirt undone to their navel and their fucking blue, dry their chest hair and puffed it out.

[Dana Gould]

Have you ever seen There's a Girl in My Soup? The Peter Sellers movie?

[Adam Carolla]

No, I haven't done that.

[Dana Gould]

His back is hairier than Lee Major's front in that movie. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

And it's like, all right, I want more. I gotta get more. And then he sung the Fall Guy theme.

[Dana Gould]

He's not gonna. His voice is thin as water.

[Adam Carolla]

I never wanna say goodbye.

[Dana Gould]

To you, sweet Jamie, I love you forever. But you're blowing her off. I know we'll never part.

[Adam Carolla]

I love you like I've loved no other. Make room for me in your heart.

[Dana Gould]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

We're gonna go down to CSUN and we're gonna jog on this track. And slow motion.

[Dana Gould]

Another swimming right.

[Adam Carolla]

Now, here's the thing about a really tinny, hollow. Like, his voice is as thin as the film you put on your. On. On your limo window to tint it, right? Like it's very thin. And he's. But does somebody say, hey, Lee, why don't we. I think they just go, I know Mel Torme. He'll do the Jamie song. He's in town.

[Dana Gould]

Can we double track it?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

There's lots of ways to fix it up. It's. Everyone's watching. This is 11. It's gonna be fine.

[Adam Carolla]

It's. But why does he think he can sing?

[Dana Gould]

Well, how many albums well recorded by people that can't. Have you ever. The Leonard Nimoy Hobbit song.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I have heard that one. But he did end up singing the theme song to the fall guy, too.

[Dana Gould]

Cause I'm the unknown stuntman. Makes Eastwood look so fine.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's him.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah, that's him. I think you're right.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And he's.

[Dana Gould]

But here's the thing. I don't know if I've heard that song since it came out, but Jamie was in my head, like, I absolutely. Like, yeah, it happened. J me.

[Adam Carolla]

I want to hear it a little more.

[Dana Gould]

Those will sue. A lot of that used to be a Steve Austin suit. Then it became a Brillstein. A full Brillstein.

[Adam Carolla]

Lots of laughs. Jamie. It always is when friends meet again.

[Dana Gould]

But lately it's gone flat for me, Jamie.

[Adam Carolla]

Like my voice. I don't like seeing you now and then.

[Dana Gould]

So he dumps her, but then in the end, he loves her. Friendship is finished. That's true. But there's hope, a way to make it through.

[Adam Carolla]

Because, Sweet.

[Dana Gould]

He'S still around.

[Adam Carolla]

That makes sense. Yeah, he is. And she is, too.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

The dog's probably gone.

[Dana Gould]

He was married to Farrah Fawcett.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, he was.

[Dana Gould]

Like, they were Mr. And Mrs. America.

[Adam Carolla]

She was Farrah Fawcett majors.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah. In, like, 1976, she showed up in.

[Adam Carolla]

An episode, by the way, that me and Sonny watched at the condo.

[Dana Gould]

Oh, yeah, I bet she did.

[Adam Carolla]

She guest starred.

[Dana Gould]

And she's in Logan's Run. I mean, but like, in 76, 77, 78. Like, if you were an alien. Like, what's America? Well, Lee Major's in. Farrah Fawcett.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. They went down to George Barris and they got custom cars made with their names and rainbow tape and gold flake paint on it. And then they were the winningest couple ever.

[Dana Gould]

Bell bottoms were people.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. And then he had Ryan o' Neal look after her.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah. Who's never a good idea.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. I took a little dive into Robin O'. Neill. It'd be like saying in 1978, John Belushi, I want you to watch my pile of cocaine. I'm going to Canada to shoot a movie now. Make sure it's all there when I'm back. Like, that's essentially what saying Ryan o' Neill to watch Fair Fawce.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah. Take care of my wife.

[Adam Carolla]

Look at him. He's got his Fila sweat jacket on. Evidently, the zippers didn't work very well back then. They all stopped about 4 inches.

[Dana Gould]

So much hair. Yeah, just. That is. Yeah, that's everything. They're gonna go have a. An RC Cola.

[Caller]

Then.

[Adam Carolla]

The other thing that freaked my son out is the movie, the TV show Emergency came on. Right.

[Dana Gould]

How'd that freak him out? Well, produced by Jack Webb.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. And then they went to commercial. And when they came back from commercial, they do that tight shot. It was tight on a hand, light on a lighter. And then they pulled back, and the guy was lighting the cigarette. And then they pulled back, and they were in the doctor's office. And it was the doctor in his lab coat smoking and was talking. No, he wasn't. He was lighting.

[Dana Gould]

Oh, he was lighting the cigarette of the other guy.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. He's like, all right, Jim, here you go. Now, what about that banquet? And my son just watched that. And I was like, this is inside of a hospital.

[Dana Gould]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla]

Inside an office. That guy's a physician. And he just got done lighting this guy's face.

[Dana Gould]

Was it the doctor with the white hair?

[Mike Dawson]

Yes.

[Dana Gould]

Cause that doctor was Bobby Troup, a jazz musician who was married to the nurse on that show who's Jack Webb's ex wife.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Dana Gould]

And her name, you know who.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, going deep with Dana Ghoul.

[Dana Gould]

Jack Webb. What's. I just had her name. Julie London. Julie London?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

Former Mrs. Jack Webb. She leaves Jack Webb for Bobby Troupe. Jack Webb hires them both to be on Emergency. I don't care.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Dana Gould]

I just want you kids to be in love.

[Adam Carolla]

Wow.

[Dana Gould]

Jack Webb, above it all. And Julie London, great singer. Julie London.

[Adam Carolla]

Really?

[Dana Gould]

Yeah. Had a bunch of albums.

[Adam Carolla]

Not better than Lee Majors.

[Dana Gould]

She's much better than Lee Majors. She's got our. Julie Lennon's version of Black Coffee is one of the best ones.

[Adam Carolla]

Really? All right. Should we try one more title? Awesome. Give us one.

[Dana Gould]

And this, by the way, why this. This knowledge that I have is why I'm swimming in women.

[Adam Carolla]

That's right.

[Dana Gould]

It's why the. It's why I'm so big on TikTok.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. The young ones. The young ones love it.

[Mike Dawson]

The final offering from AI is Code red, Hoover Dam.

[Adam Carolla]

Code Red. All right, so Chinese are going to blow up Hoover Dam.

[Dana Gould]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Dana Gould]

And something's happening downriver that's going to be destroyed. That's why they're blowing it up.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, it's kind of two stories at once, you know, it's the couple with their kids that are camping downriver. 10th anniversary, the kids are celebrating or whatever.

[Dana Gould]

That couple is Marjo Gortner and Heather Menzies.

[Adam Carolla]

Marjo Gortner wearing the wig from Earthquake.

[Dana Gould]

Right. And Heather Menzies.

[Adam Carolla]

They're the couple, so they gotta stop. They know there's a plot to blow it up. But it's also got a Jaws. Okay, you ready? Sorry. It's got a Jaws type feel to it. Because it's the 50th anniversary of the Hoover Dam and we have a big celebration and the President's coming. Yes. And Gene Hackman is saying, you shut it down. Shut it down. And we have credible information. They're like, we don't know what day it's on. We're not gonna ruin the party. But he knows, as those Chinese jets are scrambled, heading toward the dam, you see marching bands on top of the dam.

[Dana Gould]

President John Forsyth is the President. He's coming.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes. It's got a little black Sunday to it.

[Dana Gould]

Little black Sunday. And the President's Chief of Staff is in on it. And he's not relating the messages that there's danger. And that Chief of staff, Bob Urich.

[Adam Carolla]

Bob Urich from swat. From Spencer for hire from Vegas.

[Dana Gould]

He parked his car in his house. The fumes.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, by the way, it's not like he's driving a Prius. He's driving a 56 Thunderbird, pre catalytic converter.

[Dana Gould]

Burning oil.

[Adam Carolla]

That thing's just dumping gas and burning oil. I mean, you wouldn't. Your eyes would water. Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

He's parking in the living room.

[Adam Carolla]

He's driving a V8 car from the 50s that he's pulling in. It's the greatest show ever, by the way. He had a super hot secretary. He had what every Good bachelor had which a heavy bag just hanging. They had a heavy bag, by the.

[Dana Gould]

Way, which is how you know the bachelor, how you know he doesn't live with a woman. There's a heavy bag that you can see when you walk into the house.

[Adam Carolla]

And they found. It's so funny because they made his sidekick Bins. Right, Binzer?

[Dana Gould]

Yep.

[Adam Carolla]

And they were like, we need a super pathetic Jew to make him look even taller and stronger and more competent. Yeah, I will give you. I've given him before. I'll give it again. I have two.

[Dana Gould]

His name should have been. The actor's name was Jaime Juman was.

[Adam Carolla]

The actor's name Bart Braverman.

[Dana Gould]

Bart Braverman, that's right.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, so there are two great scenes. Two great scenes in Dantana in Vegas that were real, like, perfect for the time. The women loved Dan. Dan would wear like a suede vest and a peasant shirt, like undone, Undone again, big dingo boots, you know, flares tight right in a dingo boot. Yeah, yeah. I mean, he was a dude. Yeah, he was a dude. And everyone knew. And there were two funny scenes. One is, and back then when chicks, when a guy was popular with the chicks, the producers would have to let you know it. Like, they go, where are you going so fast? You know, like they just always. The chicks were always coming onto him. And there's two hot showgirls, like, having a drink at the bar at Caesars. And they page Dantana at Caesars and they go, paging Dantana. Paging Dantana. And the one girl says to the other girl, who's Dantana? And the other one goes, you don't know Dan, but who would ask the person next to him, who's Dantana? If you were in an airport and they said, paging Les Goodman. I wouldn't turn to you and go, less Goodman. Because you go, how the fuck do I know?

[Dana Gould]

And again, same era, same era, same city. In Diamonds Are Forever. It's like, hey, you're James Bond, he's a secret agent.

[Adam Carolla]

You're Bill Russuto.

[Dana Gould]

You're not supposed to know who he is.

[Adam Carolla]

There was another great scene where Tana was chasing a guy through a yard and over fences. Back when they would do a lot of yard landings. You know, everyone's in someone's yard. Dogs were there, clothes on the line, and he jumps over a fence and he just lands in a yard and it's just grass and a dog eared, wooden, six foot high fence. And there's a beautiful chick just sunbathing. Like you can Say they just set up a chair, put her in a bikini and just said, just lay there. And Dan comes flying over the fence, lands in her yard. And she goes, oh, my goodness. You know, she's startled. And he goes, sorry, ma'.

[Dana Gould]

Am. On the run.

[Adam Carolla]

And he starts running. And then she goes, oh, where are you going? So fast, like she was scared shitless at a stranger landing in her backyard four seconds later. She wanted to fuck. She wanted to suck his dick in her backyard. Now that's attractive.

[Dana Gould]

That's Dan.

[Adam Carolla]

That's Dan, right?

[Dana Gould]

That's Dan Tanna.

[Adam Carolla]

Bob Urich, I believe. You ever meet Bob Urich?

[Dana Gould]

Never met Bob Urich, but I do think that the woman that played his secretary, unless I'm wrong, was in.

[Adam Carolla]

Her name was B. I think she.

[Dana Gould]

Was in Super Vixens or Beneath the Valley of the Ultra Vixens or Valley of the Dogs.

[Adam Carolla]

I know any Russ Myers films.

[Dana Gould]

Dana, my phone's not. I don't have enough of a signal to get the cast of Vegas, but.

[Adam Carolla]

You think she was in Beneath the Valley of the ultravict.

[Dana Gould]

Can we get the Vegas cast?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't think she's. You think she's bosomy enough for Russ Meyers or.

[Dana Gould]

What's the one that Roger Ebert wrote? Was it.

[Adam Carolla]

That was beyond the Valley of the Dolls.

[Dana Gould]

Beyond the Valley of the Dolls.

[Adam Carolla]

Phyllis Davis. Phyllis Ann Davis, who's.

[Dana Gould]

So when she's just a straight brunette in beyond the Valley of the Dolls, she's. I'm a sucker for brunettes.

[Adam Carolla]

Boom, she hot. Especially that era. Like, 60s brunette.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah. So gorgeous. So gorgeous. Phyllis Davis still around. There she is.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah.

[Dana Gould]

But you get.

[Adam Carolla]

She played a blonde in Vegas and changed her name to Bea.

[Dana Gould]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Her character's name was Bea.

[Dana Gould]

Right. But now get her from beyond the Valley of the Dolls.

[Adam Carolla]

That's back when it. Chick named Phyllis could be hot.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah, that's gone.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Another way that would always be killing people in Vegas. Cut the rope on the sandbag on stage.

[Dana Gould]

See, look at her with a long hair.

[Adam Carolla]

Look at that Sammy Davis Jr.

[Dana Gould]

There with. What's his name?

[Adam Carolla]

Russ Myers.

[Dana Gould]

And that actor's name is the guy. He's in the Blues Brothers when they go to Bombs Country Bunker.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. He's always played the hard ass.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah. He was the judge in Philadelphia.

[Adam Carolla]

He is. He was sort of the poor man's Brian Dennehy.

[Dana Gould]

Yes. I mean, and I've met both of those men. And what's his name?

[Adam Carolla]

Phyllis Davis. You're right about her. You don't get anything wrong about her. Charles Napier. Charles Napier, Jonathan Demme favorite.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah, he was a Jonathan Demi favorite. He was also in the Space Hippies episode of Star Trek. Gonna snap my fingers and jump for joy. Got a clean bill of health from Dr. McCoy.

[Adam Carolla]

Jim, they're space hippies. I don't know what they're doing on board. You know, next time I go to Comedy Works in Denver, my son's not coming. Dana Gould's coming with me. Oh, and we're watching all of this hanging with Dr. Z, by the way, live in person livestream.

[Dana Gould]

If you want to get to the.

[Adam Carolla]

Really obscure references, go see that still at Cobbs coming up on January 30th.

[Dana Gould]

January 30th we'll be doing that live at Cobbs with Dave Foley, Chuck Bryant from the the Stuff How Stuff Happens podcast. Andy Daly is going to be there.

[Adam Carolla]

Janet Varney, Dana Gould.com is where you go for tickets and the podcast the Dana Gould Ours. Well, all right. We'll take a quick break. We'll come back. We'll do news with Dawson right after this. Small businesses are the backbone of this country. The problem as over half of small businesses need funding and banks are stingy. So if you want bank rates without bank delays, you've got to check out Cardiff Co. Adam. They're the largest privately held small business lender in the U.S. the application takes under five minutes and doesn't hit your personal credit. You can use the money however you see fit. Cardiff knows that small businesses keep this country moving. So let's get your business moving with Cardiff. Right.

[Mike Dawson]

Dawson Banks try to lock out small businesses. Cardiff has the key. Big banks may not want to approve your business loans, but Cardiff does. If you've been in business for at least one year and are pulling in $20,000 a month in revenue, apply now for up to $500,000 in same day business funding. Again, that's Cardiff Co Adam Real growth, fast funding Cardiff Borrow Better Homes.com Some.

[Adam Carolla]

Might say Homes.com is the best home shopping site and maybe Homes.com's super comprehensive and transparent agent directory. Or maybe it'[e-mail] is the only site that always directly connects you with the listing agent who knows the home the best. Let's say that could be true. Or Perhaps it's because homes.com has the most in depth neighborhood content of any home shopping site that's extensively researched to highlight the personality of each neighborhood. Homes.com goes above and beyond to bring home shoppers the in depth info they need to find the right Home. And that's you, Homes dot com. That's homes dot com. We've done your homework.

[Mike Dawson]

It's time to check Adam's voicemail.

[Adam Carolla]

Hey, Adam. I got married this last weekend, and my bride and I slow dance to one song, aside from our first dance, and that song was Angel Eyes by John Hyatt. I have to thank you because I had not heard that song before I listened to you. Thank you for giving me a wonderful moment with my bride.

[Caller]

Take care.

[Mike Dawson]

You can leave us a message at 888-63417.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, well, now time for news with Dawson. Although I want to say something quickly. Dawson, please. I don't know how you feel about this, but I was watching the Denver game over the weekend with the Bills and came to OT and they threw. And Buffalo threw a long pass down the field and the receiver caught it. And they would have because Denver had the ball first and didn't score in ot. Then Buffalo, I believe I was just watching from the back of the club. It was a little hard, but anyway, they would have just kicked a field goal and won.

[Mike Dawson]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

But the. But the Denver player made a great play and took the ball away. But I don't know what the rules are, because you catch the ball and then you go down and you hit the ground with the defensive player on top of you, and then the defensive player rips it out, except for you're down because you caught the ball and you're on the ground, so you touch the ground, so you're. You're down. And then in one sort of flowing, cyclical motion, he pulls it out, which is a beautiful play, except for the guy caught the ball and he's down. So I don't know. It's super close. You can watch it here. He goes up, he catch and tie, goes to the runner, meaning the receiver gets that ball because he caught the ball and then he went down on his back and he got touched by the defender.

[Mike Dawson]

So it does look like he's down by contact.

[Adam Carolla]

Why is that Denver's ball? I mean, he pulled it away and it was a. It was an amazing play. And the ball was a little under thrown and he threw it another yard further. Probably. No, no problem. But I'm not sure what the rules are, because you catch the ball and then it's. There's a lot of weird rules. Like he caught the ball, he put his feet down, he made one move, but he didn't make a second move. So there wasn't a football move. And I'm like, He caught the ball. That's a.

[Mike Dawson]

That is a football move.

[Adam Carolla]

That's the ultimate football move.

[Mike Dawson]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

His name is Daquarius, which was the first football move. And now he caught the ball. That's the second football move. What are we doing here? The guy caught the ball. He went to the ground, and then in one motion, the ball was pulled out. But it's like in a game where they do the fractions of his knee touch before the ball came out. Whatever. He had the ball. This back was on the ground. So reception, play over. But they didn't do it that way. And then Denver got the ball, and they won the game. So, anyway, I wanted to point that out to you.

[Mike Dawson]

I wanted Buffalo to win that game.

[Adam Carolla]

I did.

[Mike Dawson]

I was pretty disappointed in that. But weird play.

[Adam Carolla]

It did.

[Mike Dawson]

You know, maybe he just didn't have possession of the ball for long enough. It did look like it was pretty effing quick.

[Adam Carolla]

He caught it.

[Dana Gould]

He had.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, here's. Here's the biggest. Now, look, this is my Rich Eisen thing and why he loves me. This is a replay camp. Not enough to overturn the call made on the field. I'm like, I don't need the call made on the field factored in. I just want to look at the tape. So what they'll do is they'll go on the field. They called it an interception. When you look at the tape, maybe not, but not enough to overturn. But what do we. It's like saying, we're having a trial, right? Okay. We're going in with the auspices of this guy's guilty. We saw through the trial that maybe he wasn't, but it wasn't enough to overturn the original. What? We went into the jurors room with it. It's like, well, don't go in with anything. That's what I'm saying. Just fucking make a decision. Don't go. Not enough to overturn the mistake we made.

[Mike Dawson]

And it also seems that in a lot of these cases, one day it'll go one way.

[Adam Carolla]

Yes.

[Mike Dawson]

And then almost the exact same thing the next day is going to go with the complete opposite way.

[Adam Carolla]

That absolutely cost buffalo the game, because they have the ball in the 20, and they just kick a field goal. Then they go back to rich datum. All right, so what do you got with the news?

[Mike Dawson]

Well, more scamming going on this time. In Brooklyn, two scammers have pled guilty to $68 million in fraud for Brooklyn social adult daycares between 2017 and 2024. These people would recruit people to sign up for their adult daycare. They would never show up.

[Adam Carolla]

Sure.

[Mike Dawson]

And then they would give them a little bit of money and then scam.

[Adam Carolla]

So you know what I would do if I was Doge and Big Balls and Elon? I would just go, listen, here's what we're gonna do. We are gonna look at the titles of everything. The more euphemistic the title of a business, the more I'm coming after them. If I hear people, First Steps Forward, Children Fed, Feeding the World. Those are the first. The ones are called Smuckers Child Childcare. We'll put them at the bottom. It's called Acme or Ajax or at the Bomb, but it's First Steps Forward, Feeding the Children. Boom. You're right at the fucking top of your bullshit titles. Because it's all the kids. It's all about the adults. It's all about the special and trees and nature. I mean, that's what they do. That's what they do with all the fucking. The climate bullshit. It's always about saving our future, feeding our future green, green feed future roots. And then it's just fucking give us fucking money, we'll just buy ourselves a Lamborghini.

[Mike Dawson]

Well, these places were called Happy Family Social Adult Daycare Center.

[Adam Carolla]

Perfect, perfect. Right to the top of the list.

[Mike Dawson]

Family Social Adult Daycare center and Responsible Care Staffing.

[Adam Carolla]

Right. So if they called a daycare center, like a learning center called you get what you get Learning Center, I'd go put them at the bottom. They're not scamming anybody. But if it's happy feelings, good puppy loving, big puppy doggy learning thingy, There you go, the boom. Right at the fucking top. Because they're fucking bullshit artists.

[Mike Dawson]

Well, as part of their plea agreement, they have to pay back $1 million. They stole 68 million, but they gotta give back one. And they're facing 10 years in prison and they'll be sentenced in May.

[Adam Carolla]

Here's my new world order. Human beings cannot be trusted. They just can't. Like, all right, we raise $10 billion to feed the African hungry children, right? Then we send the $10 billion over there and nothing gets.

[Mike Dawson]

Nothing gets done.

[Adam Carolla]

It's nothing. Nothing ever works. There is no money. Everybody is totally corruptible. There's no such thing. And I'm not even saying they're bad. And first off, we just thought this was the domain of like the red haired, white sheriff from Billy Jack. It turns out women are fucking worse than guys. Black women are more than white. Women like Everybody's corruptible. Everybody's corruptible. There is no trust, no nothing. There is no such thing as me saying to anybody anymore, here's $10 million. Think of your friend from high school. Think of anyone you know, here's $10 million. Just dole it out, whatever. No. How long before they kept nine of it for themselves? It's human nature. It doesn't work. We can't do it anymore. There can be no more giving out of anything. There can be no more free money. You have to fucking earn money. Free money is just right in the pockets of all the fucking people we hate.

[Mike Dawson]

Well, I'm waiting to see when they start looking into California. Because guaranteed, there's fraud all over the place here. And it's about time.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, my God. It just. And the funny thing is, Chuck Schumer's up there. It's like, once we get the house back, we're gonna reinstitute all the dogecoin. Thank you, Chuck. That's just what we want. Get all the fucking America cares first shit back so everyone can fucking get rich and nothing could ever change. But you know what's a weird thing? The weird thing is nobody does the math on it. From the sense that, you know, like, I've been to Dawson's house more than once. There's things going on at Dawson's house. And in a. But. But there are also parts of Dawson's house that need a little tlc. And if I was just funneling lots of money to you, and you're going, I'm doing home repair and I'm doing renovation, whatever. And I just kept showing up and nothing ever got done. I would notice.

[Dana Gould]

Of course.

[Adam Carolla]

I would go, where's all the fucking money going? I'm not seeing anything different. They go, so we're doing. For the kids. We gotta fund the unified school district so the children can get laptops and so they can get tablets. They need tablets so they can learn. The grades just keep falling off. It just keeps falling off. The homeless grow. The cities fall further apart. Oh, you need more. You need money for gas. Oh, we're gonna add a little tax on the gas so we can fix the roads. I just fucking blew out a tire in a pothole. What? Where is the fucking money? Where? Okay, you're gonna help the kids. Okay, you're gonna help the kids. We have kids. They're all in poverty, and of them learn anything. Okay, what else? We're gonna do the roads. We're gonna do a little extra gas. Yeah, it's five Bucks a gallon here. But we get the road. Yeah, but the roads are shit. Okay, well, what about the homelessness? We'll just give some money and we'll get the. Yep. I just ran over home. We should take the homeless people and put em in the fucking pothole. That would solve our problem. That would solve two problems. But you guys just keep saying more money and then you're making a budget and you're like, listen, we would need to allocate more money so that kids can get a first step, so I can get a head start on the first. You guys didn't do anything before, so we should know. There's no results, there's no result. Where are the results?

[Mike Dawson]

Well, it seems like we know that.

[Adam Carolla]

Of course you're stealing money. Nothing comes out the other end.

[Mike Dawson]

It seems like we know that, but. But all these new taxes just keep getting approved to pay for things like firefighters. Like, what happened to all the money we've already allocated for all this stuff? And yeah, it's just they keep throwing more money at these things and the problems aren't gonna solve.

[Adam Carolla]

I agree, but the whole point is money, which I've been screaming about for a million years, where they go, we need more money for education because these kids are underserved and they're falling further behind. I have screamed 100 million times. Why does it cost money for education? Abe Lincoln just sat by a candle and read a book. Is it money? Should we pay you? Like, where's. I know. And they do all this.

[Mike Dawson]

Well, the money has exponentially been increased and the education has exponentially gone down.

[Adam Carolla]

Look, if a kid wants to know. So let's just say you had a kid that was curious and he wanted to know about rocketry, or he wanted to know about the transgender movement or whatever the fuck the kid wanted. Would he need cash or could he just go get that information? You know, he could go do it. I mean, when a kid is motivated, like when a kid wants to draw or kid wants to do comedy or a kid wants music or to sing, like, you can't. That kid will just go do it. This weird thing of like, well, we need money. Who needs money? You need fucking parents that focus on education. Right. But you don't need more money. All right. Anyway, go ahead.

[Mike Dawson]

All right, moving on. You did mention Chuck Schumer saying that when the Democrats win the House back, they're going to put all the Doge cuts back in. James Carville is predicting a GOP wipeout in the 2026 midterms. Now he's responding to an op ed in the New York Times from a former senior advisor to President Obama. He said that the Democrats have no credible path to sustained control of the Senate and the White House. He said, your viewers need to know that the Democrats are going to pick up, at a minimum, 25 seats, maybe as high as 45. In all likelihood, the Democrats will carry the Senate. Do you think that's possible? I guess anything's possible, especially with without voter ID and mail in ballots being sent to every single person in the world.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Well, you know what's funny? I was thinking to you, I was on the flight coming in today, and I was listening to Alyssa Milano. I like to listen to.

[Mike Dawson]

Do you have a good cry with her daughter?

[Adam Carolla]

She lay down. She wept for her future.

[Mike Dawson]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, no. They talk about going on, like, six week hiatuses and vacations in Maui and stuff. Like, it's all this creative, elite lifestyle. But I was just sort of looking at it, and I know a lot of these people, and I live in Hollywood, and it's a lot of, look, I don't know if we can survive another three years with Trump. And then what if J.D. vance got in for four years and, like, I don't know if we could survive. I don't know if our democracy will make it. I don't know if our country will make it. And I'm always like. And so I started to kind of look at it. Like I said, okay, let's flip the script and let's just say Joe Biden. And I don't really know. I can't point to stuff that Joe Biden did. I know he talked a lot about black and brown people needing a hand up and all that stuff and disproportionately affecting women in the LGBT community and stuff like that, but I really don't know. I know he shoveled tons of money during COVID and chalked up the thing, but I'm trying to think. But I started, like, writing it down, and I was like, okay, Alyssa Milano and all the people who don't know if we could survive. Mark Ruffalo, can we make it right? And I started, like I said, sitting around. It's like, all right, what if I'm sitting around and Joe Biden dropped a couple of bunker busters on Iran and undid their nuclear program? Like, just did what Trump did, just flew a Sortie, dropped a moab, took out their facilities, and they can no longer have a nuclear weapon. I'd be like, all right, well, that's Good for you, Joe. I mean, I'm not a Joe Biden fan, but all right, that's a good thing. And what if he just said, joe Biden just completely closed the border. There was 10,000 people a month or week or day coming across, and now there's zero. I'd like to sit back as a Joe Biden detractor, and I'd go, at least he did. So. Well, I live in California. All right, good. I got friends in San Diego. All right, all right. He closed the border, like, okay. And then when he went, Joe Biden also said, number one, I'm going to lower gas prices. I'm lowering. Like, what have we talked about something that we knew about or cared about other than the lgbt, you know, where the invisible shit they love, right? Getting a seat at the table, I would then go, okay, I like lower gas prices. You know what I mean? And at some point, ending wars and like, little things. Like, Trump did a thing where he went, look, if you're terminally ill, you can take experimental drugs because you're gonna die in two months. What do I fucking care if you take experimental drugs? We don't need FDA clearance. We don't need trials. You're dying.

[Mike Dawson]

You are the trial.

[Adam Carolla]

You are the trial.

[Mike Dawson]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Try it out. So, like, things like that or got rid of Maduro or something like that. If Biden had done all that, I'd go, well, okay, right, so where's the. We're not going to make it another two years or three years. Like, how does that fucking work? Is there any acceptance of anything that happens? Yes, the border is closed. Gas is cheap. There's no more nuclear in Iran. Is that okay? A bunch of wars were stopped. Is that. What is this apocalyptic thing that you keep talking about is just talking about the economy. The economy's better. Inflation's better, trades tariffs, like, whatever it is. What is this interest rates down for homeowners loans? What is this thing you keep discussing? And it's all emotional and you're all bitches. That's all this. You're just fucking and you're just fucking. You're pussy hurt bitches who cannot fucking stop speaking emotionally. It's all emotional. There's nothing practical in this. And then when you do get the practical part, that's where you start making shit up. He's going door to door, kicking open doors, grabbing people look different than him throwing them in gulags.

[Caller]

Okay?

[Mike Dawson]

You're making families.

[Adam Carolla]

The bad stuff is all the shit you make up. The good stuff, you will not recognize at all. Yes, I could do this. I could envision a world where three years from now, gas went from 250 a gallon to a buck 89. I could live with that. And the border was still closed. I'd live with that. I could do that. Okay.

[Mike Dawson]

I think the one thing Joe Biden did do, I tried to think of it, he did do that. Chips act. Okay, which apparently means that we're building microprocessors here.

[Adam Carolla]

Right? And so when I hear about stuff like that, that's it.

[Mike Dawson]

That's one thing.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay. When I hear about stuff like that, I go, good, let's do the chips here. That's good.

[Mike Dawson]

I don't know, it's funny too, because anytime they lose an election, democracy's at risk. We're gonna lose our democracy because we lost an election.

[Adam Carolla]

I know it's at risk. It's hanging by thread.

[Mike Dawson]

Well, let's get angrier.

[Adam Carolla]

Cause this one, wait, there is that clip. Do we have the clip? I saw it up there, then it went away. And I think we have it now. Okay, we have Carville's clip.

[Mike Dawson]

I just like listening to him talk. But this pretty much seems insane.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know where he's going to go. He's a fucking blowhard.

[Mike Dawson]

He seems that way.

[Adam Carolla]

He doesn't let you talk. He's just a fucking idiot.

[Dana Gould]

Path of Democrats.

[Caller]

David is a high tech, big brain guy who's looking into 2030, what happens in the 2030 census and that's good. I'm looking at the 2026 elections and frankly, it's going to be a wipeout. You, your viewers need to know that the Democrats going to pick up at a minimum 25 seats, maybe as high as 45. In all likelihood, the Democrats will carry the Senate. So. And I think we're shaping up very well for the 2028 election. I know 2030 is, I'm 81. That might be on the other side of my horizon, to be frank with you.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah, so 25 to 45 seats, that's a bold prediction and you are crushing my prediction on the 5, which was that Jessica Tarlov would have an unhappy night and Republicans would overperform, which I still believe the trend lines are very good. James, when you look at inflation coming down, when you look at gdp, using an economic revival that I think will come, cannot demolish the trend you're seeing.

[Caller]

Well, I guess anything is possible. Why is Trump trying to call the election? On the first question every Republican candidate will have to answer, Will you agree to have an election. Election in November 2026. Because Trump has said he doesn't think we even need one, hinting the fact that he's going to try to call them off. So we can we agree, we might disagree on who's going to win, but I think you and I can agree we got to have the election, right? That's the important thing, is to have it.

[Dana Gould]

No doubt Trump agrees with that proposition. Trump talks in jest as, as one person said, take him seriously, not literally. I think he might have said that just to trigger you.

[Caller]

James well, maybe, maybe so. But it would be a good idea if he'd clean it up. And it'd be a good idea if every Republican candidate who ran for every office would be asked, are you committed to have an election, my God, in November of 2026, because you're the president of the United States.

[Adam Carolla]

He's an idiot. But here's the thing. It's a weird time we're in where we willingly misinterpret what people think.

[Mike Dawson]

Willingly misinterpret. There's no nuance anymore.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm totally obsessed with the willingly misinterpreting things. O'Reilly Auto Parts they're in the business of keeping your car on the road. Cars are expensive. You want to keep the one you got going. They offer friendly, helpful service and all the knowledge you need. If I can't figure something out to do with my car, I just go to O'Reilly and they will figure it out. You can call them up if you like or head on by. I always just go over there. They have thousands of parts in stock. They can test your battery for free. Need wipers, brake light or a quick fix. They'll get you the right part. Everyone who works there is knowledgeable and friendly. The professional parts people at O'Reilly are your one stop shop for DIY auto stuff. Or if you want to go online, you go to O'Reilly online. They got everything there as well. O'Reilly Auto Parts, right.

[Mike Dawson]

Dawson stop by O'Reilly Auto Parts today or visit us@o'reillyauto.com Adam that's o'reillyauto.com Adam.

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[Adam Carolla]

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[Dana Gould]

Huzzah.

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[Adam Carolla]

You're welcome. But I do want to Say this, I was making myself some notes on the plane. The marching in Minneapolis and ICE and, and the resistance and all that kind of stuff. It's funny because the powers that be, the Tim Walls and ever and Mayor Fry and all these fucking retards up there and they're like, go out and resist, but do it peacefully, do it patriotically and do it within your amendment, blah blah, blah, blah. But show up, show up in force and let them hear your opinion and blah blah, blah. Right? Okay, so there's a fundamental flaw, there's a, by the way, a fundamental flaw in everything they preach. Like, you know, like defund the police, like, okay, can't work. You know, no one's illegal. Okay, can't work. You know, everything is can't, everything, nothing. Can't work. You know, we're gonna revamp the justice system and blah blah, blah. Okay, Nothing, none of it can work. But I was thinking about like in terms of protests, you know what I mean? And there's like three kinds of marches and protests and things like that. The first one's easy. That's just the gay Pride march or Christopher Columbus Day or you know, Jews for Jesus or whatever, that's just a march of people and all that is, is the Lakers won the championship, we're going out. Okay, that's fine. And you'll get a couple of drunken people throwing a couple of beer cans. But I mean, we're there to celebrate the St. Patrick's Day or the Jews for Jesus or the gay pride, whatever, that'll always work, right? And then there's the second kind of protest. And the second kind of protest is we're going pro life and the abortion advocates on the other side of the street. Right? And that will work, except for they hate each other. Cuz there's two of them now. It's not all Jews for Jesus and pro Lakers, it's abortion and anti abortion people, the pro lifers. All right, so then the cops will stand in between those two and they'll keep it civil. Hopefully. Cuz the cops are in between those guys and those guys. Right? The fundamental problem with ICE and all the other shit that's going on in all the blue cities, it's. It's not them and them and them and them, it's the cops and the people. The people aren't there to protest ice, they're there to attack ICE and impede ice. So you go, what happened? Why is it not peaceful? Well, if it was peaceful, then you fuck sticks would just show up and stand there and then ice would go about their business, right? And that's not going to work because you assholes need to impede them. You need to get in their way. So you can go out there with the notion I'm just going to have my voice heard, but you might as well just yell into a fucking toilet bowl. Ice is going to go about their business. At a certain point, you have to chuck a rock at the ice van, right? And you have to fucking pop the tires of the ice van because you're not impeding ice when it comes to celebrating the Lakers. You can just go celebrate the Lakers. And when it comes to the abortion or pro life, you didn't yell at each other. You're not going to solve anything there. But when you're out protesting ice, you need to stop ice, and ice is there. So then it's gonna get physical, correct? All right? And that's where we're living, everyone. So when the asshole Tim Walls and guys like that go, go out and have your voices heard. You can go out, yell all you want, but eventually, you and your lesbian partner have to get the minivan and block the ice rift, right? And then you get shot. And here we are. Here we are, okay?

[Mike Dawson]

And Walt is telling everybody, take out your cameras and film ice doing their job so that we can catalog this. And later we can punish these people for doing their job. We can put them in jail.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, I was thinking about Tim Wallace and all these guys. They're all the same guy. Just everyone think about this. Just think about this concept. Tim walls, he, for 10 minutes, had to pretend to be like, a dad dude from Minnesota for 10 minutes, right? So he's like, what's he doing? Oh, hey, you caught me gapping the plugs in my International Harvester. I wanted to get the plugs gapped so I could go out ice fishing later on today. You know, I like hunting, too. That's where I got this parka. I got a vest. I got a down vest, and I'm just sweating. Okay, now he looks like a fucking angry lesbian, right? Remember 10 minutes ago, he was the chubby guy who was gapping the plugs and outgoing hunting even though he didn't know how to load a shotgun. And now he's a fucking angry lesbian. Well, that's who he is, but they told him to fucking clean it up. And what's Kamala Harris? Oh, Cabal here, she. Oh, she's Ms. Oh. Oh. What? What about the climate and the rising sea? She just spent 8 million bucks, bought a house In Malibu on the ocean, which is rising, which I fucking yelled about a million times. Everybody who lives in Malibu except for me is all down with the climate bullshit. I mean, Leonardo DiCaprio lived on the ocean. I know where he lived. He lived on the fucking beach. He lived two feet above the tide. That was his house. Okay? So they're all fucking full of shit. But here's the whole point. Tim Walls is this guy. He's not the aw, shucks Gap the plugs in the International Harvester and let's go ice fishing guy. He had to become that. They told him, you're not palatable for the American public. They don't like the angry lesbians. So talk about Gap and plugs and going hunting and ice fishing. Okay, all right, Kamala Harris, pretend to be a human being. Joe Biden, go get some ice cream. Try to be a human being. Hey, Barack Obama, try not to be a race hustler for 10 seconds and have your bitch wife not tell us how much he hates this country. Every five seconds, pretend to be Don King. Remember Don King? Yeah. Pretend not to be a guy who stomped a guy to death in St. Louis. Get a little American flag and say, only an American do that. So we'll buy into your bullshit. Right. That's not who they are. And that's my whole thing. It's like somebody saying, look, I need someone to house sit. I'm going to Europe. I got a gig. I'm going to Europe for a year. I need someone to house sit. And then one guy over here goes, well, you know, I'm a handyman and I'm a Christian and I'm a non smoker and I. You know, my biggest vice is I probably go to bed a little too early and get up a little too early. And now, well, I haven't. I'm not. Well, I'm not. I'm not sober, but I've never drank before or whatever. You go, that guy. And then there's this guy, the fucking party guy, who likes doing rails and meth and fucking butt fucking his buddies in your master bedroom and stuff like that. And then you talk to him and you go, oh, no, that's the old me. Oh, no, I've cleaned it up. No, I'm Christian now. No, I'm into that. What'd you call it? Home improvement? Yeah, that. Yeah, I do that. Okay. Yeah. Where are my tool belts or bags or things? I'm thinking about getting a truck. Yeah, okay. All right. Oh, well. Yeah, well, I'm holding the Michelob Ultra. But I don't drink. But just this one time, I'm just having a beer. It's before noon. I know it seems a little early. Whatever. And I know I got a face tattoo, but I'm getting that lasered off. Like, why should I believe you? And what are you trying to sell to me, Kamala Harris, Tim Walsh. You're trying to sell to me that you're normal, right? But you're not, Right? You're fucking living Malibu bitch. And you're fucking angry lesbian who hates ice. Dude. And your fucking kids are fucking nuts, too. And so's your wife. That's who you are. What happened to all the spark plug gapping? Where's the hunting? Where's the ice fishing?

[Mike Dawson]

Right?

[Adam Carolla]

Where's your down park? A vest? What happened to that?

[Mike Dawson]

He doesn't need to lie to people anymore because it didn't work. And now he can just go back to being who he is.

[Adam Carolla]

Exactly who he is.

[Mike Dawson]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

You want to know? Michelle Obama is. That's who she is. The bitch who hates this country. Obama, race hustler. Tim Walls. Fucking angry. Kamala Harris. I like to live in Malibu. That's who they are.

[Mike Dawson]

By the way, how did Kamala.

[Adam Carolla]

Why is it confusing to people? And then Gavin Newsom is whatever the fuck you want on whatever day it is. It doesn't matter to him. He doesn't even know who he's just whatever it is.

[Mike Dawson]

Yeah. Oh, my God. He's a psychopath. But how did Kamala Harris pay for an $8 million house in Malibu? And for a party who only seems to care about the optics of everything, isn't this the worst looking thing you could do?

[Adam Carolla]

The greatest thing. Here's the great thing about the human condition. Kamala Harris is always talking about the haves and the have nots. The Obama's always talking about. At some point, you got enough ones are gonna be enough. I mean, Michelle Obama gets up there in the DNC and gives a speech about having enough, getting enough. She's on her fucking ninth house, right? So the thing that's funny about these people is all Kamala Harris does is talk about haves and have nots and paying your fair share and having enough and coming from a poor family and blah, blah, blah, right? And then the second thing she won't shut up about is the environment. Rising sea levels in the environment. So she goes out and spends 8 million bucks on a home by the sea. So ultimately, the human condition is. Fuck y'.

[Dana Gould]

All.

[Adam Carolla]

The human condition is basically, it's like the human condition is this. I'm gonna go, listen, I'm the world's foremost nutrition expert in the United States. I'm gonna talk to you about a vegan and a plant based nutritional diet and a way to shed pounds. And at some point you put a Reese's peanut butter cup next to me on the table. And I go, we're still rolling with the cameras. And they go, yeah, we're still rolling with the cameras. I go, Plant based, always plant based. Nutrition calories in, calories out, take in less refined sugar, not good. Processed food, not good. And I go, that was getting one little. It was one little bite of this thing. But anyway, what was I talking about? Oh, the paleo diet. That's what I was talking about. So here's what you do. You do beef for breakfast and beef for lunch and then elk for dinner. Hold on, let me have another little bite. We can't stop ourselves. Someone should have said to Kamala Harris, hey, bitch, all you talk about is the have nots. And all you talk about is the environment. You of all people buying an $8 million house on the edge of the sea. And she went, fuck y'.

[Dana Gould]

All.

[Mike Dawson]

That's what she did. Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

Because I don't care. And by the way, I don't care that you don't care that I don't care that nobody cares. You're fucking idiots. Stooges. You're gonna vote for me, so fuck yourself. And that's what she did. Now I will say one thing in her, in her behalf and her response. I will say this for them, and it is funny, cuz I'm from here and I live in Melville and I had a house on Point Doom where her. Where her place is out on Point Doom. When they go $8 million mansion, it's not a mansion. And when they go on the sea, it's not. No. Courtney Cox has a mansion on the edge. That's $37 million. 8 million.

[Mike Dawson]

8 million doesn't get you a lot.

[Adam Carolla]

It doesn't get you on the sea. It gets you in board. It's a peninsula. I mean, I could figure out my old house that was on there. The old house I bought, you know, 20 years ago or 15 years ago or whatever there. That thing's probably 8 million bucks. Like that's does not get you a mansion. But to Mr. And Mrs. America, it's $8 million and it's on the sea. And you don't give a fuck about optics because you want to live in Malibu, right? And it's all made up anyway. And you're not scared of the rising tide anyway, and you're fucking dealing with dumb lemming, so fuck y'.

[Mike Dawson]

All.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you.

[Mike Dawson]

There you go.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, I've heard enough. You got another one?

[Mike Dawson]

Yeah. Let's just watch this video really quick. I want to get your reaction. We. I believe we talked about it last week, but there's, you know, the supreme court is hearing cases that are. That could affect transgender athletes.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, man.

[Mike Dawson]

And so they pulled out all the big guns and they made this commercial to convince us that biological males should compete against biological females and why it's important.

[Adam Carolla]

When you're young, you believe that you can do anything. And then the world tries to set leave, tell you what's allowed, what's normal.

[Dana Gould]

Who you're supposed to be, what are the rules.

[Adam Carolla]

The court here, you get to be.

[Dana Gould]

Exactly who you are.

[Adam Carolla]

Megan rapinoe's because at our core, we're still the kids who just want to.

[Mike Dawson]

Play the go big game changers, the living, breathing fabric.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, hold on. Pause it for a second. First things first. You can go play anywhere you want anytime at any ymca, any park, anybody. Listen. I stopped playing. I played organized sports from age 7 to age 18, probably like 17 and change or whatever. Played half a year, junior college or whatever. That was it. When I was done with organized sports, I was young and I was, like, strong, and I was still hungry and active. And every single weekend, I was at the high school playing pickup football games. We were playing pickup basketball games. We knew a guy who had the key to the gym at North Hollywood High. And we'd play pick up hoops at night. We'd play pickup hoops. At Walter Reed elementary, there was pickup everywhere all the time. So this notion of I just want to compete, I just want to play, you fucking get inspired. Serious competitive park ball, league ball, ymca, whatever ball. You can fucking go do whatever you want. Hey, bitch, go to the park. Every single weekend, there is a super competitive pickup basketball hoop game if that's what you want to do. Or soccer or football. We did everything all the time. So it's not like you can't get out and get some true anymore. I was like sparring in the gym and going to the games and stuff. I was doing everything. So. So you can do it. This is all they do. They cause a problem, and then they want to know why we're talking about it. And they don't want to know why we're obsessed with it. Yes, because they started. It's the Exact same thing as the retards in Minneapolis going, we want to turn the temperature down. But the way to turn the temperature down is for ice to go home. No, that's not the way to turn the temperature down. Yeah, okay. The way to avoid speeding tickets is to never hand out another speeding ticket. But that's not really gonna work. You wanna turn the temperature down? Tell your fucking asshole lesbian friends to stop running out in the street and fighting with ice people. All right, I'm sorry. We'll keep it going here. I know this is good. I don't even know who these people are.

[Mike Dawson]

Most of them I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Mike Dawson]

But I do love how that Ellen Page person said, they're trying to tell us what we can't do.

[Dana Gould]

Those are rules.

[Mike Dawson]

Every sport has rules. There are things you can't do.

[Adam Carolla]

Listen, every Pop Warner football game I ever played in, from seven to four to play seven years, they weighed you in before the game. You had to step on a scale.

[Mike Dawson]

Makes sense.

[Adam Carolla]

Cause they couldn't have 200 pound kids playing with hundred pound kids. So you stepped on a scale. Then they said, do you have thigh pads? They checked. Thigh pads, mouthpiece, knee pads, cups, girdles, butt pat. No, I'm doing my own thing, man. It wasn't any of that. It was. Here's the fucking rules. Here are the rules. Here we go. Supporting trans youth isn't just about sports.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

It's about freedom.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, hold on a second, hold on. They see, they always broaden it out. Yeah, supporting trans youth, that's. You can support all the trans youth you want. I don't want to. Dudes beating up on chicks on the volleyball court.

[Mike Dawson]

What about supporting the girls that they're trying to inspire?

[Adam Carolla]

They never do that. They never do that. Supporting trans youth isn't just about sports.

[Dana Gould]

It's about freedom on and off the field.

[Adam Carolla]

It's more than a game.

[Mike Dawson]

Yeah, and that. Did you see that logo? That More Than a game logo they got on her? That hurts my eyes.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Mike Dawson]

Who signed off on that thing?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know. It's all bullshit. Put it in the time capsule so future generations can study what retards we all were. And that's it. And also we listen to these people. And I've said it. I remember. There's only one answer. I was interviewed by Tucker Carlson years ago in the other shop. I told you guys a million times, he said to me, what is the answer to this? And the answer's, fuck off. It's never like, oh, look, we like sports. I have a daughter. I have a son. Shut the fuck up. You guys are fucking nut fuck yourself, right? That's, that's where we're at. That's all Trump does. They're going insane. But that's the new world order.

[Mike Dawson]

It should not be nuts or encourage.

[Adam Carolla]

We don't listen to anything you have to say. You're fucking batshit crazy.

[Mike Dawson]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

Go talk to your therapist. I know you hate your dad. Sorry.

[Mike Dawson]

Exactly.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, all right, all right. New York City coming up. Rodney's going to be over there in New York City. That'll be the 29th. Doing a couple of shows out there. Live pod and a stand up. And then Chester, New York with Megyn Kelly. She needs security. I just found out.

[Mike Dawson]

Oh, yeah, well, everyone needs security nowadays.

[Adam Carolla]

Everyone on the right, that's for sure. And then dc, the Kennedy center, doing a couple shows there. Go to AdamCrala.com for all that. Until next time, it's Adam Crawler for Mike Dawson and Dana Gould. Say it.

[Mike Dawson]

Mahala, you can leave us a voicemail at 888-634-1744 and get tickets to see the Ace man at AdamCola.com.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Pluto TV has thousands of free movies and TV shows. This is the mindset.

[Mike Dawson]

Free.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

This is the mantra. This is the. With movies like Joe dirt, pixels and 50 first dates, this is awesome. And TV shows like Survivor, SpongeBob SquarePants, the fairly odd Parents and Ghosts. Pluto TV is always free.

[Dana Gould]

Huzzah.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Pluto TV stream now pay. Never.

[Adam Carolla]

You're welcome.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Pluto TV has thousands of free movies and TV shows. This is the mindset free. This is the mant. This is the time to find out. With movies like Joe dirt, pixels and 50 first dates, this is awesome. And TV shows like Survivor, SpongeBob SquarePants, the fairly odd Parents and Ghosts, Pluto TV is always free.

[Dana Gould]

Huzzah.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

Pluto TV stream now pay. Never.

[Adam Carolla]

You're welcome.