Dana Gould + Will Sasso (Carolla Classics)

Summary

The Adam Carolla Show: Dana Gould + Will Sasso (Carolla Classics)

Date: February 13, 2026
Podcast Network: PodcastOne / Carolla Digital
Featured Guests: Dana Gould, Will Sasso, Sklar Brothers (Randy & Jason Sklar), Allison Rosen, Brian Bishop, others

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Overview

This Carolla Classics episode curates some of the best moments from the Adam Carolla Show archives, spotlighting comic Dana Gould, comedic actor Will Sasso, and the irrepressible Sklar Brothers. Across multiple vintage segments (spanning 2010–2019), Adam and his rotating cast riff on pop culture, awkward childhood and parenting moments, show business, and life’s daily absurdities. The tone is sharp, rapid-fire, and often irreverent, packed with improvisational games and classic rants that fans of the show love.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Comedy, Parenting & Twin Dynamics

[01:00–13:00]

• The Sklar Brothers, both fathers and comics, joke about the challenges and quirks of parenting, particularly with twins.
  • Jason talks about letting his daughter fall to foster independence, leading to a funny encounter where bystanders think he's being negligent.
  • Quote: "We don’t want to teach her how to help herself up as they're driving away." — Jason Sklar [01:09]
• Twins and psychic connections:
  • The Sklars share that, contrary to myths, they've never experienced any "twin telepathy."
  • Quote: “Not at all. Not in the least.” — Jason Sklar [06:19], on having a psychic twin connection.
• Banter about desirability as twins: "How many times has a woman wanted to do you both at the same time?" “[Zero.] I can’t even think of a time a woman has wanted to do me." — Sklar Brothers [12:38]

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Inside Showbiz: Standup, Touring, Specials

[02:38–04:42; 63:00–77:55]

• The Sklar Brothers promote their standup special, 'What Are We Talking About?' and comedy gigs, joking about breaking into new markets (cold weather, Canada), with comedic riffs about how Canadian comedy earnings "all go to Dave Foley’s ex-wife."
  • Quote: “All of the money everybody makes in Canada goes to Dave Foley’s ex-wife.” — Jason Sklar [03:52]
• Will Sasso talks becoming Curly in 'The Three Stooges,' the Farrelly brothers' eccentric directorial partnership, and his method to perfecting a beloved comic character.
  • Will Sasso's reflection: "I started watching [the Stooges] with a different eye… Just kind of doing little sound bites to keep me in." [64:34]
  • Tragic real-life Stooges stories—how bad deals and syndication meant lost millions, and personal struggles with illness and poverty.
• Sasso on Canadian comedy: Government grants and not worrying about ratings means "the show was on for five years... we're communists up there." [75:05]

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Riffing on Wealth: Games & Social Commentary

Rich Man, Poor Man
[43:00–62:00]

• Adam’s legendary improv game—spotting habits or possessions unique to the very rich and the very poor but not the middle class. Examples include:
  • Drinking from metal cups
  • Playing “exotic” instruments (harp for the rich, washboard for the poor)
  • Wildlife in the yard
• Quote: “If you had one job, you make more money than if you have three jobs. But if you have 11 jobs, you make more money than if you have one job!” — Adam Carolla [47:50]

Air Travel Rants
[51:00–62:00]

• Flight Attendant Sean Kathleen describes airplane bathroom horrors; Adam riffs on the psychology of lavatory use.
  • Hilarious procedural rant: “Do your shitting on terra firma. No one wants the ace man's recirculated ass.” — Adam Carolla [54:00]
• Sklar and Carolla comedic “solutions” to inflight pet peeves (germaphobic flushers, the serving cart as anti-terror barrier, bathroom etiquette divides between “hillbillies” and the elite).

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Improv Game: Blah Blah Blog

[14:24–36:33]

• Dana Gould hosts “Blah Blah Blog,” where panelists guess which celebrity (often Mark Ruffalo, Jamie Lee Curtis, Oprah, etc.) wrote an overwrought blog post on topics like environmentalism or AI.
  • Example:
    • “Would you do this to your own mother? Would you starve her, ravage her…pollute her, poison her?... We call her our Mother Earth for a reason.”
    • Panel guesses, snark, running joke about Mark Ruffalo’s blog omnipresence.
• Classic bit on celebrity out-of-touchness:
  • “The real rich can do things that’ll cost them money or hurt their career…’cause they're so rich they don’t care…a couple thousand bucks. I can fuck with you. Takes millions to fuck with myself.'” — Adam Carolla [137:27]
• Sklar: “Whenever ‘technically’ gets used in describing a sexual encounter, you’re in the fucking world.” [09:09]

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Advice, Relationships & Life Lists

Pickup Lines & Teenage Angst
[109:07–122:57]

• 15-year-old Brody calls in for advice on talking to girls and gets coached, including a hilarious role-play.
  • “Have a dream about her or tell her you had a dream about her. If she’s interested, she’ll want to know. If not, you’ll know!” — Adam Carolla [114:48]
• Parenting troubled teens:
  • “Kids need boundaries. I basically grew up unsupervised… Not good. Didn't do me any favors." — Randy Sklar [129:07]
  • Adam: “The fact that you’re asking the question means she’s going to be okay. Because for millions of kids, there’s no stepdad Jay willing to talk about getting her counseling…” [126:47]

Life Goals and Absurdity
[96:56–101:47]

• Dana Gould reads Adam's “Things To Do Before I Die” list—over-the-top, movie-inspired bucket list including “jump into water with knife between my teeth,” “be killed by the person I asked to kill me if I turned into a zombie,” “demand unmarked bills,” and more.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “She’s juicy. No, she’s a nice girl…I found out the sex of my kids as early as you did—because you ordered them, right?” — Sklar Twins banter [01:59–02:13]
• “Four-month-old. That’s like a brisket that cries.” — Randy Sklar [01:52]
• “It was a brisket. She’s a Jew. It’s a brisket.” — Jason Sklar [01:55]
• “Among many others.” — Adam Carolla’s nonplussed summation after a tangle of running jokes about Canadian alimony law [04:31]
• “You live in my setlist…Hitler, AIDS, 9/11, abortion, Wolfman’s wardrobe.” — Randy Sklar on Dana Gould’s standup [09:45]
• “I use this phrase: ‘That’s neater than a gay man’s office.’” — Jason Sklar [05:02]
• “All of the money you make in Canada goes to Dave Foley’s ex wife. It’s the coal you shovel into the fire that is Dave Foley’s comedy.” — [03:48]
• “Actresses. No, I think it’s very therapeutic to brush their hair. We solve most things in our house with alcohol.” — Jason Sklar on raising daughters [07:08]
• “Technically, it wasn’t a date, so how could it be rape?” — Carolla rants on Woody Allen [09:21]
• “No one wants the ace man's recirculated ass.” — Carolla’s airplane bathroom policy [54:00]

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Additional Highlights

The Three Stooges & Showbiz Tails

[63:00–77:55]

• Will Sasso details his experience as “Curly” and the resilience of the original Stooges in light of Hollywood’s disregard. Adam and crew riff on Hollywood tragedies and one-hit-wonder songs inspired by the Stooges (“The Curly Shuffle”).

News & Riffs On Teenage Pregnancy Ads

[144:50–150:37]

• Allison Rosen presents NYC’s anti-teen pregnancy PSA campaign. Adam rants on the cycle of social ills springing from unwanted children:
  • “The hub of every problem...is unwanted children. Too many children, broken families...you can judge how a land is doing by how intact the parents are.” [147:14–148:33]

Late Night Comedy Politics

[131:34–137:50]

• Leno vs. Fallon, Kimmel’s rise, ratings, and network shakeups get a cynical Carolla breakdown.
• “You can’t get toothpaste back into a tube.” — Randy Sklar on NBC’s late-night troubles [139:13]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 01:00 — Sklar Brothers on parenting and twins
• 06:00 — Psychic twin experiences mythbusting
• 14:24 — Start of Blah Blah Blog game with Dana Gould
• 43:00 — “Rich Man, Poor Man” improv game
• 51:00 — Flight attendant Sean Kathleen’s airplane bathroom revelations
• 63:00 — Will Sasso joins to discuss Three Stooges, Canadian comedy, acting
• 96:56 — Dana Gould reads “Things To Do Before I Die” list
• 109:07 — Brody, age 15, asks for advice about talking to girls
• 131:34 — News: Fallon, Leno, and the late-night TV landscape
• 144:50 — Adam’s rant on social woes and NYC’s anti-teen pregnancy campaign

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Tone & Language

The episode is relaxed, brash, often blue, and relentlessly improvisational. Friendly ball-busting permeates all segments, with calls for candid parenting, classic riffs on masculinity, and inside comedy references. The original quick wit and irreverence of Adam Carolla and his regular crew shine throughout.

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Final Impressions & Legacy

This Carolla Classics curation is a masterclass in comic chemistry, free-flowing improvisation, and subversive takes on American pop culture and the job of being alive (and raising the next generation). For new listeners, it offers a comprehensive window into why The Adam Carolla Show remains a podcasting institution—relatable, unfiltered, and always a step ahead of the mainstream.

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“Kids need boundaries. They’re looking for it because it proves that you care about them. I grew up unsupervised. Not good. Didn’t do me any favors.” — Randy Sklar [129:07]

Transcript

[Adam Carolla]

Welcome to Cruel Classics. I'm your host, superfan Giovanni. This is the podcast we play with best moments, highlights and fans like the clips from all 16 years of the Adam Corolla show. We have a companion podcast titled Cruel Classics which you can find exclusively through podcast one. Sign up and get access to the ad free archives. You can also get access to the ad free archives of the Adam Carolla show, The Adam and Dr. Drew show, as well as exclusive access to the brand new podcast Beat it out through Adam Corolla's substack adamcarolla.substack.com check it out.

[Jason Sklar]

And sign up and if you'd like.

[Adam Carolla]

To request a clip, please email us classicsdamcarolla.com now on to the clips coming up first we have adam Kroll show 1316 with the great Dana Gould, Jason Sklar, Randy Sklar, Alison Rose and Brian Bishop from 2014, Sklar Bros for life.

[Randy Sklar]

We are back and we are joined by two lovely gentlemen.

[Jason Sklar]

How you doing?

[Randy Sklar]

Randy and Jason Sklar.

[Jason Sklar]

That was very funny, but knock it.

[Sean Kathleen (Flight Attendant)]

Off.

[Jason Sklar]

Knock it off. Will you please stop smacking. I was teaching my daughter how to. My youngest daughter, she was riding on a scooter and she fell down as a car was driving by and they looked at me as she was down on the ground and through the window. Didn't really roll down the window. They looked at me as if. And pointed down like, help her up. Right? And then they were like driving away and I was like, yeah, because we don't want to teach her how to help herself up as they're driving away. And I couldn't say anything. I just looked like the guy who didn't help my daughter up.

[Randy Sklar]

Now you have how many children?

[Jason Sklar]

I have two.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Two girls.

[Jason Sklar]

Two girls, almost seven and nine. Two girls. And I have a son who's five and a daughter who's four months old, which.

[Randy Sklar]

Okay. Oh, the four month old. That's not even a kid.

[Jason Sklar]

No, that's not a kid. That's not a kid. Four month old girl.

[Randy Sklar]

That's like a brisket that cries.

[Jason Sklar]

It is, it is exactly like slightly. She's a Jew. It's a brisket.

[Randy Sklar]

See, I know.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

I'm doing.

[Jason Sklar]

She's juicy. No, she's a nice girl. I, I do think it. Jay, I, I found out the sex of my kids like before, literally as early as you did. Cuz you ordered them. You ordered yours, right? I, I found out the sex.

[Randy Sklar]

I can't, I can't condone that.

[Jason Sklar]

No, no.

[Randy Sklar]

All right, well, they're Going to hear this one day.

[Jason Sklar]

Then they will.

[Randy Sklar]

Yeah. No. My children were born in my heart.

[Jason Sklar]

There you go.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

That.

[Jason Sklar]

There you go.

[Allison Rosen]

But did you want daughters in your heart?

[Randy Sklar]

Yeah, because I'm such a homo. Like, about, like sports. Like, I know you guys are on espn. You have your sports show.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yeah.

[Randy Sklar]

But we should get. First and foremost, let's get to the plug right out of the gate.

[Jason Sklar]

Right out the gate.

[Randy Sklar]

Let's hit it right away.

[Jason Sklar]

Even before, you know, if they like.

[Randy Sklar]

I'm gonna do this episode the way I do my podcast. I'm gonna get the plugs right out of the way, Then we're gonna record the show, and then I'm gonna edit it. Then I'm gonna edit it over the course of seven weeks.

[Jason Sklar]

I can't hear anything in my microphone.

[Dana Gould]

Okay, good.

[Jason Sklar]

That's great.

[Randy Sklar]

Okay, you have a new special called what Are We Talking About? Available now on itunes.

[Jason Sklar]

Yeah, itunes. And streaming on Netflix. Very excited. It's our first hour. It's 70 minutes and that's an hour 10.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yeah.

[Randy Sklar]

State school, but still.

[Jason Sklar]

Yeah.

[Randy Sklar]

And where'd you record that, bad boy?

[Jason Sklar]

Madison, Wisconsin, at the Majestic Theater.

[Randy Sklar]

Oh, gorgeous.

[Jason Sklar]

Great town. Madison, Wisconsin. Of course, for Stand Up.

[Randy Sklar]

Not a college town, but not really.

[Jason Sklar]

No, but it was okay. Yeah, it's not a college town nor a capital town. A lot of people don't know that.

[Randy Sklar]

You guys are from Missouri, though, right?

[Jason Sklar]

We're from St. Louis.

[Randy Sklar]

That's right.

[Jason Sklar]

Madison was great. It was cold.

[Randy Sklar]

The heartland.

[Jason Sklar]

It was cold. You know, a lot of people talk about the two of us. They say that they don't think of us as cold weather comics, but we proved him wrong. We did. We went with this. We fought hard. We fought hard and we showed that we could actually perform well. And hopefully that'll open up the possibilities of doing a Canadian tour, which we don't know. We don't know, but we'll see.

[Randy Sklar]

You can do the Canadian tour of. All of the money you make goes to Dave Foley's ex wife.

[Jason Sklar]

Yes. All of the money everybody makes in Canada goes to Dave Foley's ex wife. It is the sort of like the coal that you shovel into the fire that is Dave Foley's comedy.

[Allison Rosen]

I mean, is she living well, given this?

[Jason Sklar]

She. She's living great. She has half the money from Bare Naked Ladies. She has their money. She's unbelievable. Like, what?

[Randy Sklar]

She gets everything. Gordon Lightfoot has sold.

[Jason Sklar]

All of his turtlenecks, all those that have sold at yard sales. There was a post settlement of the. Of the Edmund Fitzgerald. She Received some of that money as well.

[Randy Sklar]

The snowbird sings a song and then sings half of it to Tabitha, ladies and gentlemen.

[Jason Sklar]

She's living fat in Hamilton, Ontario.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Among many others.

[Randy Sklar]

And you're also going. You're doing a little bit of tour on May 9th and 10th. You're going to be in San Francisco at Cobbs.

[Jason Sklar]

Cobbs Comedy Club.

[Randy Sklar]

My old stomping ground.

[Jason Sklar]

Love that club.

[Randy Sklar]

Beautiful place. Nothing wrong with it. No, not at all.

[Jason Sklar]

No.

[Randy Sklar]

It's a diamond of everything. That's right.

[Jason Sklar]

I mean, San Francisco's nice if you like gay and Chinese people.

[Randy Sklar]

What's not to like?

[Jason Sklar]

What's not to like about that?

[Randy Sklar]

Both of them.

[Jason Sklar]

Thank you. I love them both.

[Randy Sklar]

Both of them neat.

[Jason Sklar]

Yeah, Fantastic.

[Randy Sklar]

Both of them clean.

[Jason Sklar]

By the way.

[Randy Sklar]

Yeah.

[Jason Sklar]

I use this as a phrase. If you see something that is very well put together, I say that's neater than a gay man's office. Go to a gay man's office and if you see anything out of place.

[Randy Sklar]

I have to say my ex brother in law, kind of the Oscar Madison of the homosexual world.

[Jason Sklar]

Well, he was just doing it. That's his shtick. That was him trying to just buck the whole.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Felix, I'm trying to jerk off the gay porn. Felix, have you seen my gimbal?

[Randy Sklar]

What's up your ass?

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

It's not a spoon. A ladle.

[Randy Sklar]

Sorry, that was Felix's line. And then you're going to Chicago to the EP Comedy club.

[Jason Sklar]

Yes. End of May.

[Randy Sklar]

Okay, here's what I've been wanting to ask you.

[Jason Sklar]

Yes, please ask away.

[Randy Sklar]

My very good friend has identical twin sons. When one of them was between the ages of 2 and 3, had a terrible near catastrophic accident in their swimming pool. Did not resulted in everything being okay.

[Jason Sklar]

Do we as twins recommend that no people should have swimming pools? Did heal it when he got hurt.

[Allison Rosen]

The next day because all twins everywhere connected.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Right.

[Randy Sklar]

The next day his identical twin brother was looking out the back door at the pool and started screaming for his brother to get out of the pool. Although. Yes, but his brother was not in the pool. Have you ever had.

[Jason Sklar]

No.

[Randy Sklar]

Any of those interesting psychic.

[Jason Sklar]

Not at all.

[Randy Sklar]

Event.

[Jason Sklar]

Not in the least.

[Randy Sklar]

Or would you team Tag team the girls from the Shining. Jason, you first.

[Jason Sklar]

I would definitely tag team the girls from the Shine because they're lubricated with blood. But I would. No, absolutely. Never happened for us. To me it sounds like the one of the kids was on a 24 hour tape delay.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yeah.

[Jason Sklar]

You will make sure that the child does not say anything. You got to buffer him for a while and let him catch up. You don't know what he's going to say. And then. So that, that is crazy because like you described with your children, children to me are like the craziest. Especially girls. Like the craziest girl you've ever dated in your life.

[Randy Sklar]

Right.

[Jason Sklar]

You know, like that one moment.

[Randy Sklar]

I don't like where this is going.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

No, One moment you're happy.

[Jason Sklar]

Well, I'm saying one moment you're happy, the next minute everybody.

[Dana Gould]

This doesn't count.

[Jason Sklar]

Actresses. No, I just. I think it's very therapeutic to just brush their hair. And we solve most things in our house with alcohol, so. That's very true.

[Randy Sklar]

Kids love Band Aids.

[Jason Sklar]

Guys, I can't tell you just what a thimbleful of whiskey will do for you. And that's all it takes is a thimbleful. It is all it takes. Isn't that. Wasn't that Clinton's thing? That was thimbleful of whiskey. Did I just read that Willie Nelson is now a 5th degree black belt?

[Randy Sklar]

Something tells me that Willie got his black belt the same way Elvis got his black belt.

[Jason Sklar]

Mail to him.

[Randy Sklar]

Norton went out and got a black belt. His bodyguards went out and got him a black belt.

[Jason Sklar]

Well, there's those videos of Elvis where he's like in a karate class. In a karate class. And one of his bodyguards is.

[Randy Sklar]

Fred west is the bodyguard. That's always holding it up for him.

[Jason Sklar]

Yeah, he was like pressing on his head and he uses his chin to push the guy back. And there's a bunch of people clapping.

[Randy Sklar]

There's a fantastic book called Elvis what Happened. That was written by the bodyguards after he passed away. And it really gets into the screwy very late period. Pulling the car over so he could move clouds with his mind. And we're gonna go to Children's Hospital.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

And heal kids with.

[Randy Sklar]

I'm gonna heal. He thought he could heal kids with his hands. Yeah, I love it. Just off the rails, batshit crazy in a sequin jumpsuit.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

And no one can say America.

[Jason Sklar]

Cuz everybody's on the gravy train.

[Randy Sklar]

Yeah. No one's gonna say a goddamn.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

No one.

[Jason Sklar]

It is that. This is the problem with most athletes. We've always said this. They need a no man in their posse. Did you get one person who all they do just like, no. Yeah, I'm gonna go block this. I'm gonna go in the bathroom with that underage girl. Will you just watch the door for me? No, no. Ben Rothman.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

No, no, no.

[Jason Sklar]

We're not doing that tonight.

[Randy Sklar]

That was my theory about Woody Allen. You can't go 40 years without ever hearing the word no. And then, you know, I think I'd like to sleep with my girlfriend's daughter.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, no.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

By the way, she's not my.

[Jason Sklar]

Doesn't matter. Technically.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Like you're quibbling.

[Jason Sklar]

You're starting with an excuse anytime you start. But look, she's technically not my time.

[Randy Sklar]

He starts saying whenever. Whenever, technically. Whenever the word technically is used when describing a sexual encounter, you're in the fucking world. Technically.

[Jason Sklar]

Technically. I don't believe you. Yeah, technically, it was.

[Randy Sklar]

Technically, it wasn't a date, so how could it be? Date?

[Adam Carolla]

Rain?

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Order, order, order.

[Jason Sklar]

Wait a minute.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

You may be right.

[Randy Sklar]

There was we.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

There was no dinner. No what you' thing.

[Randy Sklar]

It was a regular rape.

[Jason Sklar]

Why are you going into that territory?

[Randy Sklar]

I have to go there every time.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

You do.

[Jason Sklar]

That's where it goes. You absolutely do.

[Randy Sklar]

I like it when people are uncomfortable.

[Jason Sklar]

Right, Your comedy goes back to the culdesac of uncomfortable.

[Randy Sklar]

That's right.

[Jason Sklar]

All streets lead back there. It's a subdivision.

[Randy Sklar]

You live in my set list. Literally look like a poem written by a lunatic during a lightning storm. It's like Hitler, AIDS, 911, abortion, Wolf Man's wardrobe.

[Jason Sklar]

You know, I mean, it's like you're kind of like.

[Randy Sklar]

Good memory.

[Jason Sklar]

One of my favorite bits.

[Randy Sklar]

Bobby Draper on Mad Men is slowly becoming me. He's obsessed with the Wolfman and Planet of the Apes.

[Jason Sklar]

He's becoming you. It's a young you. Well, I thought of you the other day because.

[Randy Sklar]

And we're both the same age.

[Jason Sklar]

That Taco Bell actually just. They finally revealed what was in the mystery meat. And it's actually people. It is, yeah, it's human beings. So human children.

[Randy Sklar]

No more mystery.

[Jason Sklar]

Yeah, Guys, the mystery is mystery is solved. Well, the mystery is who it is. We know that it's people, but we don't know who it is. Right.

[Allison Rosen]

Do you have a hunch?

[Jason Sklar]

I don't know. I know that I want. I would say if it's dishonorably discharged marines, I'll be happy.

[Randy Sklar]

Yeah, nothing wrong with that. Let me show you a quick question. We want to get to blah blah blah in a few minutes. But I have a question for you first. You attended same university and you were in the same frat. Was there ever a thought of like.

[Dana Gould]

I gotta get away from this guy?

[Jason Sklar]

Yeah, I mean, go ahead. We had different. It was a big enough school that you would just walk sort of whatever classes and stuff you took there Were like whole swaths of the university that just didn't know that I even had a twin brother.

[Randy Sklar]

Right. I only said that because. And I say this with all the love in my heart. I can't get more of the continent between me and my brother.

[Jason Sklar]

I get that. And I actually feel the same way about your brother. I think we. There were times where we would get on each other's nerves and there were times where we loved being around each other and felt very close to each other.

[Randy Sklar]

It's definitely a different dynamic when you're twitching.

[Jason Sklar]

Yes. I think it's a different dynamic when you're twins. I think you either go in one of two directions. I think twins want to separate and individuate so early and be so different.

[Randy Sklar]

Right.

[Jason Sklar]

Or they want to be this. This unit where they have no identity and they're just part of this two thing. We are not that we're neither. We're somewhere in the middle where we kind of say, well, how can we take this thing apart and take a look at it. I do say that having families and separate families has actually helped us to spend more time together. Because you go off in your family and we are not the Sklar brothers in our family. I mean, in our own individual years were dad and we're husbands. And so you actually get to play these other roles. And it's quite nice you develop that individuality in that way so that actually coming back together. This is wonderful for Cruella's audience.

[Randy Sklar]

It is, it is.

[Allison Rosen]

But I have a question.

[Randy Sklar]

People are smart.

[Jason Sklar]

I believe people are smart.

[Allison Rosen]

You guys have really never had any sort of weird twin phenomena or anything?

[Jason Sklar]

Never.

[Allison Rosen]

I have older brothers who are identical twins. They say that they have.

[Jason Sklar]

Maybe they're full of shit. They're fucking wrong. They're full of shit.

[Randy Sklar]

All right, let's get right to it. How many. How many times has a woman wanted to do you both at the same time, Randy?

[Dana Gould]

Zero.

[Jason Sklar]

I can't even think of a time that a woman has wanted to do me. You know what I mean? Let alone usually coercion.

[Randy Sklar]

The good news is we have that woman. She's a movie star.

[Jason Sklar]

Bring her in.

[Randy Sklar]

I don't know if you've ever seen the film Precious, but she played.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Huh.

[Jason Sklar]

My favorite moment in the movie Precious was when Monique dropped the baby. And I just wanna.

[Randy Sklar]

What?

[Jason Sklar]

Monique dropped the. Wasn't that Monique? Yeah, she dropped the baby on the floor. I just imagined a sound guy just in the background going, I need one more for me. I'm sorry. I just Heard a siren in the background. Siren. Can we just get one more ghetto? There's always gonna be a siren. Yeah, let's just have it. So it's like a. Can we drop the baby once more for safety? Dropping the baby. And then.

[Randy Sklar]

How do you. Can we Foley something? When the baby hits the floor, I'm gonna tear a roast chicken in half.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Like a phone book.

[Jason Sklar]

I'm just gonna knock a baked potato on top of.

[Randy Sklar]

Yeah, I need the sound of a Latvian woman giving birth on the hood of an El Camino.

[Jason Sklar]

Why does it have Latvia? Why not? Well, I have that. I have that in my files. I actually have that. Do you have that? You've got that? He's the best Foley artist ever. He's like, I. I recorded that a month ago. I've got 8,000 files.

[Randy Sklar]

In the great Albert Brooks film Modern Romance. There's a long, funny scene about foleying a movie that's actually.

[Brody (Caller)]

Yeah.

[Jason Sklar]

Oh, my God. Amazing.

[Randy Sklar]

The guy's running, and they go, we need a sound for him running. We got. What do you get in the library? We got Hulk running. All right, let's play it. Hulk running. And then they show it, and then the guy's running, and then suddenly he just goes. That's not Hulk running. That's Hulk screaming. Well, it says Hulk running.

[Jason Sklar]

And then he. And then he killed him with a pen.

[Randy Sklar]

Oh, it's so great. Do you want to play a little blah, blah, blah?

[Allison Rosen]

Let's do it.

[Jason Sklar]

Let's do this.

[Randy Sklar]

All right.

[Dana Gould]

It'S time for Blah Bl Blog, the game where we match the celebrity with their online rant. Let's play. Okay, guys, so I will read the blog and give you three choices of who wrote it.

[Jason Sklar]

Okay?

[Dana Gould]

First one to.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

We got five of them.

[Jason Sklar]

How many cigarettes have you smoked? Just this morning?

[Dana Gould]

30,000.

[Jason Sklar]

Thank you, my man.

[Dana Gould]

For too long, we have paid little attention to our planet's most crucial natural resource, water. Sadly, most of what we hear is not great news. Massive contaminations, scarcity, areas of high stress, and more. This isn't exactly reassuring when you consider that water is a precious resource on which all living creatures rely. If we expect to live in a world with beautiful waterways, sustained fisheries, and a healthy environment, we must invest a significant level of attention and detail to defending and restoring our precious water sources. Clean water is a fundamental right, and as a community, we have a responsibility to protect that right.

[Jason Sklar]

I agree with all of this. Everything that's being said, I agree with.

[Randy Sklar]

Now read it like Tom Waits, then Brian Keith from Family Affair.

[Dana Gould]

Is it Mark Ruffalo, Ted Danson or the director of Noah, Darren Aronofsky.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Wow.

[Jason Sklar]

I was gonna say Dennis Rodman. That really just sounded like it was.

[Randy Sklar]

I thought it was Matt Damon because he's got that water thing going.

[Jason Sklar]

Right, Right. I thought it was the baby from Three Men and a Baby Jay. And I actually posited that things have been really bad for the Buffalo Bills lately. And we thought that things have been Ruffalo in Buffalo, which would actually be a phenomenal reality show. Mark Ruffalo donated three liters of sperm in the early 90s when it was a struggle before he made it. And then it's. And now all of his children are coming home to roost. Kids are all right. 3. I think that was Darren Aronofsky. I'm going to agree with you. I think that's who it was. I know he's very active in the water campaign.

[Allison Rosen]

Is that true?

[Jason Sklar]

I know I made that up.

[Allison Rosen]

I am gonna say Ted Danson just.

[Randy Sklar]

Cause Ted Danson has the oceans. Restore the Oceans charity. Mark Ruffalo is very involved in fracking, which I can't believe does not have a sexual connotation.

[Jason Sklar]

No, I actually thought there was two nuns having sex.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yeah, it's fracking.

[Randy Sklar]

It's the Martians from Mars attacks having sex. Anal fracking.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

It's just how it's.

[Randy Sklar]

Maybe it's just too easy.

[Allison Rosen]

It is.

[Randy Sklar]

And then Darren Arnofsky, who just made Noah, who read the.

[Jason Sklar]

Yeah.

[Randy Sklar]

Who read the Old Testament and thought, not enough rock monsters.

[Jason Sklar]

Let's add some more.

[Randy Sklar]

I'm gonna say dar Ted Danson.

[Dana Gould]

The blog belongs to Mark Ruffalo.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, no one got the point that.

[Jason Sklar]

Time things are Ruffalo and Buffalo.

[Randy Sklar]

Who does not want to. Let's not read any more of Mark Ruffalo's diary.

[Jason Sklar]

I don't know. I was into it.

[Randy Sklar]

That was about as boring as an old man's.

[Dana Gould]

Would you do this to your own mot? Would you starve her, Ravager? Drill her, strip her, polluter, poison her, frack her, crown her, pave her, drain her, extract her, constrain her, imprison her? We call her our Mother Earth for a reason. She is the source. The only source. Then once we deplete the source, we can never get her back.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Wake up.

[Dana Gould]

They paved paradise and put up a parking lot. Make Earth Day like your birthday. Is it Mark Ruffalo? Jamie Lee Curtis or Oprah Winfrey?

[Jason Sklar]

Not enough Activia in that one.

[Randy Sklar]

Yeah, whoever it is, I hate them.

[Jason Sklar]

I hate them too. Oprah's gonna buy the Clippers, by the way. Just get ready for that. Might be the owner of the new. Of the Clippers, which would just be fantastic. Yes. Because every game, at some point during the game, at the stable center, they're gonna be able to look under your seat.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

You want a card? You got it. All right.

[Randy Sklar]

It would be funny if Oprah bought the Clippers and then called that same woman and gave her the same speech.

[Jason Sklar]

Yes.

[Randy Sklar]

People would not know what to do.

[Jason Sklar]

Wait, I don't know. Just stop.

[Randy Sklar]

Girlfriend, you have got to stop having your picture taken with.

[Jason Sklar]

You can do it in your own time. Just don't bring Gail laughing. You a fighter. You a fighter. I'm sorry. Stedman tries to get on the table. Hey, hey, hey. Get Steadman back in the tunnel. That's everybody. There's like eight people going. Get Steadman. Get him back in the tunnel. Get him down. I can still see him. Get him back in the tunnel. What are you. Who are you saying? Rent.

[Brian Bishop]

Jesus.

[Jason Sklar]

I know you kind of brought up the I'm gonna cheat using Dana Gould's knowledge and say that it's Ruffalo.

[Allison Rosen]

I think it is Jamie Lee Curtis.

[Jason Sklar]

I think it's Ruffalo.

[Allison Rosen]

Jamie Lee, because. Oh, you know what? I'm gonna tell you why. Because then you'll cheat off me.

[Jason Sklar]

Well, she.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

All right. Who?

[Randy Sklar]

I. I'm having a hard time measuring how little I care.

[Jason Sklar]

No, but I think Jamie Lee Curtis.

[Randy Sklar]

No, no, I mean about the whole. I mean, just that kind of bleeding brow beating, nagging.

[Allison Rosen]

It makes us wake up.

[Randy Sklar]

It makes me not want to do the things that I innately want to do.

[Jason Sklar]

All those things are great.

[Randy Sklar]

All those things are great.

[Jason Sklar]

But just that the way it is.

[Randy Sklar]

Patriarchal condescension.

[Jason Sklar]

So it sounds like.

[Randy Sklar]

And I don't hear anything about I'm living my life wrong from a billionaire with no kids. You know, it's like.

[Jason Sklar]

No, I don't.

[Randy Sklar]

So I'm just gonna say Oprah because you picked the other two.

[Jason Sklar]

Do you think if Oprah let her hair like true hair color, it would be blonde?

[Dana Gould]

The blog belongs to Jamie Lee Curtis.

[Jason Sklar]

The reason I.

[Allison Rosen]

You know why? Because that song reference.

[Jason Sklar]

Oh, yeah, the song reference. Oh, you mean the Joni Mitchell.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

She also said, make Earth day like your birthday. I wonder if that means. But also drunk and throw.

[Jason Sklar]

People like to rhyme.

[Randy Sklar]

By the way, all those things happened to her mother in Psycho.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yeah.

[Randy Sklar]

So there you go.

[Jason Sklar]

Number one and number two. Number two, she can put her own penis into her Vagina. We all need to listen to this woman.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Her.

[Jason Sklar]

That she's the closest to death. So I feel like that's.

[Randy Sklar]

Oh, I don't know. Mark Ruffalo's the Hulk. That could be problematic.

[Jason Sklar]

That's true.

[Dana Gould]

Allison's in the lead.

[Jason Sklar]

Of course she is.

[Dana Gould]

Four years ago this week, BP's Deep Water Horizon drill platform exploded. I personally hoped that we as a nation would quickly learn from this tragedy and move swiftly to prevent a repeat disaster on our most vulnerable coastal environments. So it boggles the mind that Shell Oil is still determined to drill in one of the most fragile and remote ecosystems on Earth. The Arctic oce the last bastion of America's polar bears, endangered bowhead whales, and other rare wildlife. For native Alaskans who live along the coast, this ocean has been the source of their food security and the way of life since time immemorial.

[Allison Rosen]

Sarah Palin.

[Jason Sklar]

I know who this is. Without even saying I know who it is. It was the Mad about yout Baby.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

Is it Mark Ruffalo?

[Jason Sklar]

Jesus.

[Dana Gould]

Ben Affleck or Robert Redford?

[Randy Sklar]

I was going to say Playmate of the year, 1977. Patty McGuire.

[Jason Sklar]

Oh, Patty McGuire.

[Randy Sklar]

Who was married to Jimmy Connor.

[Jason Sklar]

Patty Connor. She was Patty Connors, and our mom taught her in high school, Hazelwood Central in St. Louis, Missouri, to take off.

[Randy Sklar]

All of her clothes. Yeah, that's what her mom taught her.

[Jason Sklar]

Yeah, our mom taught her. Our mom taught her that.

[Randy Sklar]

Oh, your mom taught her that?

[Jason Sklar]

Our mom taught Patty Connors. Patty McGuire as a student. Our mom was 22. She was 18.

[Randy Sklar]

Jesus.

[Jason Sklar]

Boom.

[Randy Sklar]

I hope they got nervous and kissed.

[Jason Sklar]

They didn't.

[Randy Sklar]

I. Wow. That's crazy. Joe Perry's mother was our gym teacher in high school. Joe Perry of Aerosmith.

[Jason Sklar]

Really?

[Randy Sklar]

Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

What was she like?

[Jason Sklar]

She looked like by that time.

[Randy Sklar]

It had been a long time since you watched him.

[Jason Sklar]

She looked like a dude.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

She was very sweet.

[Allison Rosen]

Mrs. Perry.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Hi. Mrs. Perry.

[Jason Sklar]

She was your PE teacher?

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yeah.

[Jason Sklar]

Always.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yeah.

[Jason Sklar]

That's a choice. I mean, way back then, too. Yeah. Not a child. It's a choice.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

I think I.

[Jason Sklar]

That's. That feels okay. Affleck has been probably. Probably shooting a lot of movies in New Orleans. I think it's. I think it's been Affleck. I want to say. You know what? I'm gonna go with you. I'm gonna say Affleck, Aflac.

[Allison Rosen]

And I feel like it is either Red for Redford or Ruffalo. But I see part. I think it's Ruffalo, but I also feel like it's Very Lynch. To just put him in for every single one and for it not to be him. Redford.

[Randy Sklar]

I am also gonna say Redford, the blog belongs to.

[Jason Sklar]

Let's hear it.

[Dana Gould]

Robert Redford.

[Jason Sklar]

There you go. Look at you. By the way, he looks great for 91. Yeah, he looks amazing for 91 and still can throw a baseball 37 miles an hour.

[Allison Rosen]

I bet his carpet does not match those drapes.

[Jason Sklar]

Look, the drapes don't match the drapes. Like the valance doesn't match the.

[Allison Rosen]

Excellent.

[Jason Sklar]

Knowledge of window treatment.

[Randy Sklar]

I was terrified that at one point today I would not have to imagine Robert Redford's junk.

[Allison Rosen]

Worry no more.

[Jason Sklar]

It is a daily occurrence. The greatest thing about his junk is that a river does run through it.

[Randy Sklar]

Just as if I may for one second.

[Jason Sklar]

Yes.

[Randy Sklar]

The whole manscaping. It looks like chicken parts. Okay, dude's junk looks like chicken parts.

[Jason Sklar]

How about when a woman's junk is called genitals?

[Randy Sklar]

You can't dress it up.

[Jason Sklar]

You can't dress it up. So you want to hide some of it.

[Randy Sklar]

It looks like chicken parts on the shelf at Trader Joe's or chicken parts that have been dropped on the floor of a barbershop. It doesn't matter either way. There's nothing to see there, people.

[Allison Rosen]

But would you want to eat chicken that's naked or chicken that's been rolled around on the floor of a barbershop?

[Adam Carolla]

I don't want.

[Jason Sklar]

Do you want shake and bake or do you want the regular steel or just baked? Just baked. I mean, broils. I think most. Most men's junk should be put. Most men's junk should be put in a plastic bag with a bunch of bread crumbs and shaken, dredged. Kenny Rogers roasts that shit on a spit. Kenny Rogers roasters. It is the wood that makes it good. We're talking about junk.

[Randy Sklar]

Just add flour, some Junk helper. Shake it up and you'll come like a motherfucker.

[Jason Sklar]

Thanks, Junk helper.

[Randy Sklar]

More kitchen hints from Betty Crocker.

[Jason Sklar]

Thanks, Junk helper.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Junk helper.

[Jason Sklar]

Do we have more? One more Tuna helper. We got a couple more. Let's do another one.

[Randy Sklar]

There you go.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

All right.

[Dana Gould]

All right. So Allison still in the lead. 21 Sklar brothers not on the board yet.

[Jason Sklar]

Not even on the board. Not even at the party.

[Dana Gould]

Artificial intelligence research is now progressing rapidly. Recent landmarks such as self driving cars, a computer winning at Jeopardy. And the digital personal assistant Siri are merely symptoms of an it arms race fueled by unprecedented investments and building on an increasingly mature theoretical foundation. Success in creating AI would be the biggest event in human history. Unfortunately, it might also be the last unless we learn how to avoid the risks.

[Randy Sklar]

That is actually the narration to the trailer for the Terminator 5.

[Jason Sklar]

I was gonna say, for that new Johnny Depp movie where his brain takes out. It's basically like War Games. It's like, yeah, transcendence. Doesn't it feel like that? They obviously didn't know the risks.

[Randy Sklar]

All at once, everybody decided that they were over Johnny Depp. It was just like a universal. Nope, no more.

[Jason Sklar]

I mean, I think he put a bone in his hair for the last time.

[Randy Sklar]

Yeah.

[Jason Sklar]

You know, that just rubbed people the wrong way. And they were like, can't do that. Can't do that eight times and that come up roses.

[Randy Sklar]

I don't know who said this. It might have been Jerry Mulligan, but somebody tweeted, I can't wait for Tim Burton's next movie, Johnny Depp in a hat.

[Jason Sklar]

At this point, I don't even have pancake makeup.

[Randy Sklar]

Again, not my job.

[Jason Sklar]

I don't think they need to even make Johnny Deppa. I mean, he is literally becoming a real life Beetlejuice.

[Randy Sklar]

Yeah, he is very much.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

He is.

[Jason Sklar]

He is like a white Michael Jackson. All right, Michael Jackson or Michael Jackson.

[Dana Gould]

Is it Mark Ruffalo, for God. Stephen Hawking or Richard Branson?

[Jason Sklar]

I mean, Richard Branson, to me, feels like he's building a master race of people on an island somewhere that we can't see. Yeah, I think it's Branson. I think it's Branson. Because he wants that technology on every Virgin America flights. He wants you to be able to order a drink from a seat to another seat and do it artificially intelligent. So, yeah, I think Branson. Nah, I think it's. I think it's Hawking. I mean, we talked about this in our standout about Stephen Hawking, that he was involved in a domestic dispute.

[Randy Sklar]

Yes, he was.

[Jason Sklar]

But can you imagine the cops?

[Allison Rosen]

Like, he was the Paul Simon of his day.

[Jason Sklar]

No.

[Randy Sklar]

No.

[Jason Sklar]

Can you imagine the cops coming over because they have to investigate to get that call. Like, how weak of a person would you have to be to need the cops to interview? Be like, I would just unplug him and then you're done. Just give him a soft reboot and see how he does. Let's see how that works. No, it is one of those things. The guy comes over, he's like, where's the guy with it? Right over there, head to the side, talking through a pencil. Who is this guy? And he was shouting at me and screaming at me. How do you knew he was shouting you. He used all caps. Oh, okay.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

There you go.

[Allison Rosen]

But see, it strikes this weird sort of alarmist, almost luddite tone at the end that I feel like Branson and wouldn't be Hawking, but I. Hence, I'm thinking, is it Ruffalo? But I don't want to go Ruffalo, but, God, I feel like I'm going Hawking.

[Jason Sklar]

Thanks, baby.

[Randy Sklar]

Yeah, you are.

[Jason Sklar]

Yeah, you're hawking it.

[Allison Rosen]

But I don't know.

[Randy Sklar]

Stephen Hawking looks like my reflection in an angry sea. I think it was Hawking. I think it was. Although he rarely speaks in those big chunks. I've met him twice.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Really?

[Allison Rosen]

Really?

[Dana Gould]

I have Stephen Hawking.

[Randy Sklar]

He was at the Simpsons. He was. He was terrifying to meet. It's like, you know, it's like he comes with a lot of gear.

[Jason Sklar]

Yeah, he does.

[Randy Sklar]

And. But he's, you know, type. Professor, how are you? We have to call Professor.

[Jason Sklar]

Right? There you go.

[Dana Gould]

All right. Last one loves the ladies. Dana Gould has a chance to tie the Scar brothers are effectively eliminated from the game. But is it invited to still play?

[Jason Sklar]

No, I still. This is like the Cubs in. In September. You just got to keep playing. Just show up to the park so they run out the ground ball, guys. I don't care.

[Randy Sklar]

My friend Kevin Rooney had the best observation about Stephen Hawking. Smartest man in the world. Can't talk.

[Jason Sklar]

That's. Yeah, yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

I was good to say that.

[Jason Sklar]

Yeah. I thought he's gonna say, smartest man in the world gets tons of. Tons of.

[Randy Sklar]

You wouldn't know it to. Look, you wouldn't know it from his body, but his don like an extended Slinky. It's a firearm. One ball normal one looks like a butterball turkey.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Here we go.

[Randy Sklar]

Stephen Hawking. All.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Something.

[Randy Sklar]

Never, never that. Something that has never gone after his Professor.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Stephen Hawking, comma.

[Jason Sklar]

All.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Right.

[Randy Sklar]

His new book. His new book. His first book was called Brief History of Time. His new book is called Pecker Hanging Hard, which I think is unusual.

[Jason Sklar]

It's the wood that makes it good. Sponsored by Candy Rogers.

[Randy Sklar]

Get on the snot end of my fuck stick.

[Brian Bishop]

He typed.

[Jason Sklar]

He typed parenthetically.

[Randy Sklar]

He purred with his keyboard. I wonder what his cat. What are his screen. What are his. Like, short screen green shortcuts. Like control M. You're standing on my arrows.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Control P.

[Jason Sklar]

Control F1. Shift the DOM to the left.

[Randy Sklar]

When do I die? When do everyone. When do I die? F2. When do I die. And three, when do I die? Please, God, kill me. Please.

[Jason Sklar]

Control, alt, delete.

[Randy Sklar]

No, it's not Halloween.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay.

[Dana Gould]

Being aware of your energy levels makes a big difference. Because when you're working long hours, it is vital to keep your energy up in order to deliver. In order to deliver the best performance the camera can pick up on. When you're feeling flat, you don't want to be inconsistent. You have to give your all from the moment you're on set to the moment you've done the job. During breaks, I will make sure I have a little bite to eat. I like something healthy that will sustain my energy, like nuts and dried fruit. And for lunch, perhaps a salad and vegetables. When I'm off camera, I'll have a quiet moment to myself to reserve my energy and focus on the task at hand. I suppose it's like being an athlete, always striving for optimal performance.

[Jason Sklar]

Okay, so it's definitely someone who doesn't know anything about sports.

[Dana Gould]

Is it Naomi Campbell, Shakira, Dana De Armand, or Mark Ruffalo?

[Jason Sklar]

Mark Ruffalo is the Shakira. It's Mark Ruffalo. Because neither of those other women are on set or they're not on sets. Like, act. It's Mark Ruffalo. That's who it is. I'm sorry, I think it's. Well, who's the first one was the first.

[Allison Rosen]

I don't appreciate them giving you any direction from the other room. I am sorry.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Excuse me. That is exactly what Adam would do for a guest. He does it every time he explains the strategy to you, Brian and the guest.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, but. Yeah, but it's a game.

[Dana Gould]

Yeah, but Alison is on the verge of winning the first game she has ever won.

[Allison Rosen]

Dawson. Thank you.

[Jason Sklar]

I'm so bad at all this.

[Randy Sklar]

I feel like I'm getting in between Don and Pegg.

[Dana Gould]

You are.

[Jason Sklar]

Is Grace Jones a choice?

[Allison Rosen]

For a second. For a second, I thought you were talking about Peg Bundy. And I'm like, wait, his name wasn't Don. All right, fine.

[Jason Sklar]

I'm gonna say Ruffalo.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm tempted to.

[Jason Sklar]

You know what it is?

[Allison Rosen]

You know what it is, though? When he talked about having a light bite in between, I'm like, oh, that's a chick. Except you're right, because neither of them would be on set unless Naomi Campbell was Tyra.

[Jason Sklar]

No, she just throws. Naomi is not. Naomi is no tyranny. She ain't Otara. She ain't no Tyra.

[Allison Rosen]

Wait, isn't Shakira on, like, the Voice or something?

[Jason Sklar]

She Is Shakira. You're changing yours to Shakira?

[Allison Rosen]

Fuck. I don't know. There's a lot of pressure on me right now. The camera picks up the flatness, the energy. Shakira.

[Randy Sklar]

I'm gonna do a wild stab and say, Lou Gossett Jr.

[Jason Sklar]

There's nothing a wild or. Didn't he win an Oscar for Iron Eagles 3?

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yes, he did.

[Randy Sklar]

Is it my turn? Did you guys go? Yeah, I think it's Shakira. I'm really sick.

[Dana Gould]

So you don't really have a strategy in this game, right?

[Allison Rosen]

Okay, so this is.

[Randy Sklar]

Where do I have a strategy? Oh, no.

[Dana Gould]

Your only way to win is to pick something Allison did not.

[Randy Sklar]

All right, then I'll say, oh, I see. I see what you're saying. I see. I'm so not. I'm not even good at.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

No, see, Adam.

[Randy Sklar]

I am not good at games of chance nor skill.

[Jason Sklar]

See, I'm not either, which really encompasses all games.

[Allison Rosen]

Adam always gives a little speech when it's a numbers game. Always gives a little speech about the kind of strategy that I should take. And then I always don't do what he said because I didn't really understand the strategy.

[Randy Sklar]

I'm not a winner. I'm not a winner.

[Jason Sklar]

No, you're not. Neither is Mark Ruff.

[Randy Sklar]

I know people. I don't want to name names. He had, like, comedy softball.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Fuck, man.

[Jason Sklar]

By the way, you just sounded like you were coming right there.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Like a guy who's out.

[Randy Sklar]

Jesus.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Foul. Hammer you.

[Allison Rosen]

A different kind of comedy.

[Jason Sklar]

By the way, that sex sounded like someone moving very heavy patio furniture.

[Randy Sklar]

Pontius Pilot coming.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

I'm not pardoning anybody.

[Jason Sklar]

Jews.

[Adam Carolla]

Passover.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Smash over. Goddamn.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay, so who are you going for? I'm saying Shakira. So the conventional wisdom would be, you go with someone else, Campbell, or.

[Randy Sklar]

I don't think it sounded like a dude. I'm gonna say it sounded like Naomi Campbell.

[Jason Sklar]

There you go.

[Dana Gould]

The blog belongs to Naomi Campbell.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

We have a tiebreaker.

[Jason Sklar]

Okay. Can we participate in this, too?

[Allison Rosen]

No, I should have gone with my gun.

[Randy Sklar]

Oh, interesting.

[Jason Sklar]

Can we influence the peanut gallery?

[Allison Rosen]

You might just walk away with the win. Dana Gould.

[Randy Sklar]

What do I win? Sour. I win your sour patch.

[Jason Sklar]

You win a copy, you win a copy of the home games game. Remember when they used to give out the copies of the home game as if that was some sort of a.

[Randy Sklar]

This is what you need. While we're deciding, It's very hard to do the match game music because you immediately go into, oh, baby, give me one more chance. By the Jackson 5. It's very hard. It's very hard to do any bass line and not slide into Sweet Jane by the Velocity Underground.

[Dana Gould]

That's true for the game.

[Jason Sklar]

The magnetic baseline slide into an H hole.

[Dana Gould]

Sitting with Oprah in her backyard and sharing about meditation, it struck me again what a natural national treasure she is. That as much as Douchebag. That as much as we celebrate her, we still don't celebrate her quite enough.

[Jason Sklar]

That's because I don't think anybody's ever said that we don't celebrate Oprah quite enough.

[Dana Gould]

This person just did, okay?

[Randy Sklar]

Oh, God.

[Dana Gould]

That's because it's so extremely rare that someone with the leverage and platform who could Leverage. Whatever.

[Jason Sklar]

Leverage is a nice way of saying she's fat. You know, that she's got a lot of leverage.

[Allison Rosen]

Exactly.

[Dana Gould]

Consistently chooses to shine a light on that which promotes consciousness, compassion, and happiness.

[Jason Sklar]

That was s like the original, original title. That's Baby Got Leverage, which is not.

[Randy Sklar]

To say that a VJ doesn't look like a chainsaw wound and a baboon's back. But I digress.

[Jason Sklar]

She is a treasure.

[Dana Gould]

Is it Russell Simmons?

[Randy Sklar]

She looks like somebody ran over a moose.

[Jason Sklar]

Her vaj you.

[Randy Sklar]

Her queef looks like someone ran over a bear cub with a steamroller. But she's a national treasure.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

She is Phil Jackson.

[Dana Gould]

Phil Jackson or Paul McCartney?

[Jason Sklar]

Oh, my God.

[Randy Sklar]

Oh, I know this one.

[Jason Sklar]

Mark Ruffalo.

[Allison Rosen]

I am saying it's Russell.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

All right?

[Randy Sklar]

See, I can't do the same thing.

[Jason Sklar]

Nope.

[Randy Sklar]

I refuse to say that it's Paul McCartney, so I'm gonna say it was Phil Jackson.

[Dana Gould]

The blog belongs to Russell Simmons.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Allison Rose, finally.

[Dana Gould]

Until next time, keep your fingers on your keyboards and your heads up your asses so we can play another round.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Of blah, blah, blah.

[Jason Sklar]

I think that just when you get that wealthy as Russell Simmons is, like, he just has no clue of what he's saying and how it's coming out of his mouth.

[Randy Sklar]

It's the same with Oprah, and it's the same, I'm assuming, with Paul. Well, McCartney. It's like they have no idea what Earth is like.

[Jason Sklar]

Like, I went years ago on my honeymoon to a somewhat exotic place, and I thought to myself, what does the butt. Yeah, it's a place I've never been thereafter.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

No, but, like, what?

[Jason Sklar]

I thought to myself, what does Jennifer Aniston do when she's, like, going away on her honeymoon? She's got to go to the fucking moon. Like, where can she go where normal human beings are not.

[Randy Sklar]

Yeah, it's like, just a show sketch. She has to go up her grandmother's.

[Jason Sklar]

That's it. That's all she can do.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

That's all she can do.

[Randy Sklar]

Speaking of my grandmother's ass, this show has been as sweet and puckered as my grandmother's.

[Jason Sklar]

Ever loved every minute.

[Randy Sklar]

I would like to thank Adam for letting me sit in on the show. I'd like to thank my. My lovely co host, Allison Rosen.

[Allison Rosen]

Thank you so much. Dana Gould.

[Randy Sklar]

They didn't get to do much news today, but.

[Allison Rosen]

No, that's okay. But you know what?

[Randy Sklar]

Shit's going on.

[Allison Rosen]

The thing about the news is.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, that's Adam Kollishow, 1316. Come up next, we have Adam Krillin, show 437. Steven Tobasky, Kinsley Schofield, and Brian Bishop from 2010.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Stephen Tobolowski. Stephen, you know, from everything. But, Stephen, where do people. I mean, when you get stopped on the street, people recognize you, but they think they went to high school with you or you coached their Little League team. Is it that kind of recognition?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, you know, well, sometimes.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Sometimes it's recognition from something I've been in, like, Glee, or sometimes they mistake me for, like, the pedophile that they knew at school. For real, sometimes. I was in Canada once, and one guy thought I had played hockey with him. Oh, yeah, the mayor of Beverly Hills from Entourage. Right. Who like the ladies. A little bit too much. A little bit extra on the ladies, but no. But, yeah. And children recognized me from, like, Garfield. I think the best was I was in a line at Westwood at a movie theater, and some guy said, oh, my God, you're the voice of Bando the Country Dog. And I said, absolutely, man. You got me. That was the best. Were you doing Bando the Country Dog when he. No, but his ear was so attuned that he. He could tell from the timber that it was like. Like, man, that's a Bando kind of thing. He was saying it was his back to you when he just heard you.

[Jason Sklar]

It's awesome.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Heard you waxing poetic, Bando behind him. Yeah. And it was a great moment for me. Also. Groundhog Day is one of the places you probably know, Stephen. Well, probably initially, where you made your by the way movie that doesn't show up enough on cable, if you ask me.

[Brian Bishop]

You can make the argument, and I have that. It's a perfect movie. There's nothing wrong.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Are you being facetious?

[Brian Bishop]

No, it's a perfect movie.

[Allison Rosen]

I meant that it's never on.

[Randy Sklar]

It's always on.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

And I'm Always on it. It is. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

I love that movie where it's never.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Oh, on it's always.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm like, legitimately unemployed. Like, you guys are not legitimately unemployed.

[Jason Sklar]

I have time to sit around.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

I'm not. When I say this, and I've had this come up before a few times where I said, how come this movie's never on? Like, how come defending your life is never on cable? And everyone goes, oh, it's always on cable. But I don't mean like USA commercial edited, that kind of thing. I mean, like, I want it to come on HBO or Showtime. I want to see it. Soup to nuts. When you. When you run it and you, you know, pull out a bunch of stuff and you run a bunch of commercials and you clean up a bunch of language. It's not. I don't count that as running. Defending your life for me is the flu movie. It's like the movie when I get the flu, I put in defending your life because that movie, from beginning to end, I just love it so much. This is great, exciting. Stu. Goddamn movie. It is a just dynamite. It's weird when you talk to people who work in comedy, like comedy, claim to know comedy. Oh, I love comedy movies. And this, that, and there you go, oh, defending your life. I haven't seen that one. And then you go start to get a little angry and I go, how about loss in America? No, didn't catch that. Big Albert Brooks fan. I'm going to go, no, you're not, dick. You haven't seen his two best movies, you ass wipe. Adam.

[Brian Bishop]

Ask Kinsey. She's just seen defending her last.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Kinsey is young and hot and got boobs. And boobs.

[Sean Kathleen (Flight Attendant)]

Does it even matter?

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

She's wearing pirate boots and boobs and they go almost to her boobs. And no, but she doesn't claim to know anything.

[Allison Rosen]

I've seen the out of Twilight, though. Not gonna lie.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yeah, see, there you go. And huge Glee fan. Yeah, you love defending your life, don't you, Stephen? I love it. It is great. And rip torn in that movie. It tastes like, doesn't it? That's what we call you. Small brains.

[Dana Gould]

Y.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

That's a great thing. He's excellent. Everyone's excellent. All Brian's got a hundred good drops from that movie.

[Brian Bishop]

Sherlock McClain has a fantastic cameo where she hosts the past lives.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yeah, there's so many great scenes in that movie. And it drives me fucking nuts, first off that, you know, I can't stand your like, little miss sunshine even being in the same fucking Categories, movies like that. I can't stand the fact that they have cast, they have Academy Awards and nominations and Best Original Screenplay. And I'll bet you more goddamn people have heard of or seen Little Miss Sunshine or My Big Fat Greek Wedding or other sort of emperor's clothing, new clothes kind of fucking movies, and they haven't seen Defending youg Life. Defending your Life is not only a great, funny movie, it's an important movie. It's. It's a great movie. And it's also one of the few movies, I think, that you. That gets laughs from the art direction of the film. I mean, from the costume, from the, from the way the hotel is designed, from the way the food comes in on the plate at the rich hotel in the poor hotel. I mean, everything about that movie is hysterical. Such detail. Yes, thank you, kindred spirits and great minds. There we go. All right, so we ready to play a little Rich Man, Poor Man. All right.

[Dana Gould]

Jeremiah Weed presents Rich Man, Poor Man.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

I was tweeting about this today, and this is a game that I think is going to sweep the nation. How do I know? The great Jerry Seinfeld came up to me in a parking lot at NBC and asked me this, like two years ago. He said, how's that bit going? I said, what bit? He said, the rich guy, poor guy thing. It's an excellent bit. You should do that bit. And I said, no, we just fuck around on the radio with it on occasionally. He said, that's what you should be doing. That should be my get er done or here's how you know you're a redneck or whatever it is. It's things that rich people and poor people both have in common, but the middle class does not. And Stephen and Kinsey, I'll let you know that the genesis of this rich man, poor man was I was staring at an outdoor shower about five years ago and I thought only rich people and poor people have outdoor showers. Middle class, no outdoor showers. And then I thought appliances outdoors, a refrigerator, a washing machine. That is something that you're either really rich and it's down by the tennis courts or it's rusting out and there's raccoons fucking in it. But that's rich. And then you started. It just kept going. You start thinking about car collections. You know, middle class has two cars. Poor people have 11 cars. None of them run. They're all on blocks. And rich guys have a collection and airplane hangar in Santa Monica. So this is all the stuff that we thought about. And people chimed in Pretty good. I came up with a few sort of esoteric ones today. One was drinking out of metallic cups. You have to think about it a little bit, but it is sort of drinking out of a soup can, being a bum or one of those camping cups or just some shitty dented whatever. Versus that goblet, that golden chalice.

[Allison Rosen]

What about herpes?

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Mmm.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

It's getting a little cathartic, isn't it? It hurts? No.

[Brian Bishop]

Hurts?

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

No.

[Adam Carolla]

That's.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yeah, mostly venereal disease. All. No, it's true. A lot of the blue blood stuff, like having a lot of kids and being inbred and, you know, doing, you know, many wives, many kids, siring many children. Lots of. Lots of weird diseases. Yes, yes, that is true. I agree. Sorry, Brian.

[Allison Rosen]

I win.

[Brian Bishop]

How about you own a passport now that you have to have a passport to just go to Mexico, you know what I'm saying? Like, now the lower class has them, and of course the upper class, the setters, the European, you know, travelers having a passport. Not a lot of people, not a large percentage of the middle class.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

I'll give it a three. All right. What was Mike Lynch?

[Randy Sklar]

Herpes.

[Jason Sklar]

I Twitter.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

We grade on a curve around here. I Twittered a few. Mike Lynch. I did one, but I can't remember what my second one was, so. Michael, find it and tell me what it is. Plays exotic instrument. Ah, plays an exotic instrument. Yeah. Harp versus a washboard or thump tub or whatever that is. That's good, right?

[Brian Bishop]

I would say obscure rather than exotic, per se, but yes, an instrument that's not usual.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

All right, you only halfway shit on my point, so that's pretty good. What are you in some kind of therapy or something? No, when you're my passport point. Well, you're right. All right, yes. And I'm just saying this. When you're. When you're in the middle class, you play an acoustic guitar, you play the piano. When you're rich, you play the harp or the harpsichord. Harpsichord. That's a good rich guy. That's a good rich guy instrument. And this one, you play the mouth harp or the juice harp or the cider jug or something like that. All right, I have a list here. We also have a few people online, so we can.

[Allison Rosen]

Cider jug, but I'm not poor.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Really? Huh. Use your mouth.

[Brian Bishop]

You're unemployed.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Hey, John.

[Brody (Caller)]

Yeah, he's man.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

What's going on, Johnny? Hey. Get it the on.

[Sean Kathleen (Flight Attendant)]

Adam.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yeah, buddy. You have a rich man, poor man for me.

[Brody (Caller)]

I do. Ace man, but real quick. Had some of that Cherry mash.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Delicious. Yeah, that's one of our lovely sponsors, Jeremiah Weed. And that stuff is solid, 90 proof, but tastes nummy.

[Brody (Caller)]

Well, here's my rich man, poor man. Adam, you're a busy guy. You host a podcast, you're on other podcasts, you're an author now, and you also go on tour and do stand up. So you work on multiple jobs.

[Randy Sklar]

And then I've got a buddy who.

[Brody (Caller)]

You know, gets off the local board shop and then he goes to work at Whole Foods. That got me thinking. You know, rich guys, pretty busy, usually work multiple jobs, are involved in multiple extracurricular activities, and then you got the poor guy who just works a bunch.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Of minimum wage jobs. Yeah, we had touched on this before and I have said it many times, if you somehow, if you had one job, you make more money than if you have three jobs. But then if you have like 11 jobs, you make more money than if you have one job. Yeah, the poor woman you hear about, oh, well, she was a nurse during the day and then she had to clean houses at night. Although that would be annoying here in the vacuum cleaner at 2am, but whatever. Just to put her six kids through whatever school. And then there's a guy who's a consultant to this company and on the board of that company, middle class, pretty much just says one gig.

[Brian Bishop]

Herpes.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Brody (Caller)]

All day.

[Allison Rosen]

Er, day.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

All right, good one, John. Let's push on here and let's see. Well, this one's kind of interesting. Hey, Mike. Yeah, hey, what's up? What do you got, buddy? Hey.

[Brody (Caller)]

Not sure how to follow that guy up, but. No, if you stand at your living room and look out the window and you see deer or other wildlife running around your yard or across the way.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

I think that's it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, and not only that, but one we've discussed before, which is eating exotic game. Either you're sort of that jet clamping out, shooting for bear and moose. Yeah, yeah, just weird, weird, exotic. Or even pheasant hunting and stuff like that. And then there's the sort of super rich version of that too. Yeah, yeah, the poor man. Or I should say the middle class, just runs it down the middle. They just head to the supermarket. Hey, Mike, where are you calling from?

[Brody (Caller)]

Calling from Iowa. It's something we know pretty well here, eating exotic game and all that kind of stuff.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Do you hunt?

[Brody (Caller)]

No, I don't, but I know a.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Lot of people that do and they're.

[Brody (Caller)]

Always trying to offer you some kind of jerky and you usually don't want it.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yeah. Because that could be anything, right?

[Brody (Caller)]

Pretty much, yeah.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

But here's the whole thing. Like, whenever someone goes, oh, yeah, you know, this buffalo burger, this rattlesnake, or this alligator, it tastes, you know, tastes just like beef. Really. Just tastes like beef. I always say this. Are we out of fucking cows? How about someone, someone give me a fucking cow? Last I checked, we had plenty of cows. Like, I understand if we're out of cows, right? Like, I understand when the guys order the Pocket Pussy or the Fleshlight or whatever, because, okay, they can't be with a woman, so they go ahead and get something else to fuck. But I go down, in and out. Can I not? And for buck 49, get myself a real piece of cow.

[Brian Bishop]

Do you hump a hammer.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

In and out? I should have said jack. Oh, no, wait a minute. That wouldn't have been good either. McDonald's.

[Allison Rosen]

Do you think that Mike would not take my jerky?

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Would you take, Would you take Kinsey's jersey? I mean, jerky. My jersey.

[Dana Gould]

Your jerky?

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

I'm sorry. I'm willing to syllable off. Yeah, I think that's, that would be shrewd. What do you do in Iowa?

[Brody (Caller)]

What do I do?

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

I'm a graphic designer. How's that work over there?

[Brody (Caller)]

Well, basically, do a lot of T shirts. That's kind of the way to do.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

The day job, you know, and, yeah.

[Brody (Caller)]

Some illustration work, some stuff.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

All right, I'm bored. Now. We have Sean. Kathleen has an interesting one. She's a flight attendant, I guess, and has an interesting observation, one that I. One I did not know about. Hey, Sean.

[Sean Kathleen (Flight Attendant)]

Yes, sir. How are you? Get it on, baby.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Get it on. Is this Sean and Kathleen, or is that your name?

[Sean Kathleen (Flight Attendant)]

That's my name, Sean. Kathleen. A lot of my friends call me SK A little bit easier.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

All right. What's going on, Sky?

[Sean Kathleen (Flight Attendant)]

Well, so, you know, as you just mentioned, I'm a flight attendant, and I will say this. I do not work for your little douchebag. United people. Yeah, I wanted to put that out there.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Thank you.

[Sean Kathleen (Flight Attendant)]

My observation is that be rich or poor, the men that go into the restrooms, they don't flush the goddamn toilet.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Oh, wait a second. You mean on, on the airplane?

[Sean Kathleen (Flight Attendant)]

That's correct. On the aircraft. It is one of my biggest pet.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

How can you. I mean. Oh, well, those are these germaphobic that don't want to touch anything.

[Sean Kathleen (Flight Attendant)]

No, no, these are, you know, I, I, I remove children and elderly from the equation. Okay. This is because I just sit back there and I Rage about this all.

[Dana Gould]

What the fuck?

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

What kind of animal, by the way? I mean, I understand the. I understand the. I understand doing whatever it is you're doing because you can get away with it, but in an airplane, it's pretty. You know, we don't need to take a DNA swatch your ass to figure out who was in there last. Right? I mean, the math is easily done.

[Sean Kathleen (Flight Attendant)]

Right, Exactly.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

It's not like you're going to run out the back of the plane with a parachute laughing like a madman.

[Brian Bishop]

It was.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

We know where to find you.

[Sean Kathleen (Flight Attendant)]

Right, Exactly. And you know what? Here, even before the actual activity, before you decide to take a shit or a piss in there, the funny thing is you'll be sitting on the. On the ramp, as we call it, our tarmac. At the gate. Here comes everybody and I'm talking like, let's say we're on an out station, you know, somewhere remote like in Maine, or, you know, wherever the people, the passengers come on the aircraft. What's the first thing they do? Fucking go to the bathroom?

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

I don't know. I have ranted about this many, many times. While Brian will attest to this, I don't know if it's some sort of. Just sort of reptilian part of your brain saying, I claim this DC10 in the name of Adam Carolla. Is there just really some part of you that says I'm gonna claim this MD80? It must be some sort of. Sort of primordial primeval kind of weird part, because Territory. Well, I. First off, I have a policy and the airline has, you know, 200 million policies. Let's just add one more. Do your shitting on terra firma. You know what I mean?

[Adam Carolla]

Hit.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Do it on the ground. I do it. Here's the deal. Before I get on an airplane, if it's going to be more than a couple hours flight, I hit the bathroom. That's in the airport. A, I know I'll be more comfortable, but B, I know I'm not going to do any damage. And we're in a cigar tube going 500 miles an hour and we're all breathing recirculated air. No one wants the ace man's recirculated ass. So I always hit the bathroom. And every once in a while I meet a senator from Minnesota and we brush feet and, you know, we'll see how we're feeling.

[Randy Sklar]

No joke.

[Sean Kathleen (Flight Attendant)]

A senator from Minnesota will go into that lavatory, take a. And not flush the goddamn toilet.

[Brian Bishop]

Sean. How about Sean, Kathleen, working blue. This is like you're in a librarian working blue.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

I know Blue ice.

[Brian Bishop]

Never heard of flight attendant curse?

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

No, I. They're so. They're so pent up. That's what I love. Because all the literal that they have to deal with and all the ass wipes and.

[Sean Kathleen (Flight Attendant)]

And typically very, you know, kicked, Laid back.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

No. You sound like a delight. It's strangely exciting. Yes. Provocative.

[Randy Sklar]

No.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

I. I want to say a couple things.

[Allison Rosen]

You can ask.

[Sean Kathleen (Flight Attendant)]

Ask Lynette. She's my little Twitter buddy, so she knows I'm not completely out there. But I did it. Got to the point where I said, you know what? I'm going to start blogging about it.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yes, Lynette did tell me about this. Although I do tune her out. I do try to tune her out, but I saw her mouth moving and I believe I heard Kathleen, but I tuned out before she said it's a.

[Sean Kathleen (Flight Attendant)]

Rant of a sassy.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Let me. Yeah, she told me that this. Well, let me say that. Let me say this couple things again, so I would encourage. You know, I mean, the airport is one big. No smoking. It's against federal regulations. Tampering with, disabling or destroying. Okay, could you please. Could you please do me a favor, Sean? Because this is one of the things that drives me absolutely insane. When the person next to you is delivering the. That fucking never ending sermon about federal regulations and non smoking flight. Tampering with, disabling. I want you to fucking grab the mic from them and go, tampering. Done, done, done. We don't need fucking disabling. We don't need tampering with, disa. We sure as fuck don't need destroying. You can say tampering with the smoke detector is against regulations and you're done. It'll hold up in any fucking court of the land whether I use telepathy, laser beam shooting from my scrotum sack or baseball bat. That's tampering with. I don't need to fucking disable or destroy. And it's one of these things that drives me insane because it didn't exist. It used to just be one chicken shit airline that did the tampering with. Disabling or destroying. Now they've all adopted it because we're all being fucking gang raped by lawyers. Why do you need to say disabling or destroying? Couldn't you just say tampering with?

[Sean Kathleen (Flight Attendant)]

As far I totally am with you. And you know what I think is really interesting about what you're saying to me right now is that you fly so much that you could do that. I fly with these guys and women, you know, that are. Fly frequently for work, they could. They can read the whole thing.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

I don't need.

[Sean Kathleen (Flight Attendant)]

You don't want to hear it again.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

I want you to get rid of disabling or destroying. Just leave it at tampering with. And at a certain point where they go also, it's time to shut off all portable electronics. I would say go ahead and remove the word portable. No shit. What do you think? I got a fucking big screen TV and a VCR hardwired. I got coaxial cable and a fucking huge spool running back to my. What kind of. How far is it to Ohio, Captain? Because I only have 18,000ft of coax. No shit. It's portable. It's on my fucking lap. Of course it's portable. Yeah, I will remove that part too. We'll get off the ground earlier. And let me tell you my problem. I'll tell you my first class flying problem, Sean, Kathleen, is I like to kick my shoes off up there in first class. That feels good, you know what I mean? And I have a couple of cocktails and I put my feet up and I get my tootsies warm. And then at a certain point after, you know, eight bloody Marys, it's time to drain the vein there. So I head into the bathroom in my socks. Now, I realize we've been in the air for four hours and people have been attempting to hit the toilet in turbulence for the last four hours with some degree of success, but not a lot. So now I'm looking at the ground and I am seeing again the difference. The kind of a carpet bombing versus a precise precision kind of bombing. So now I'm standing in my socks, not wanting to wick up someone else's whiz. And the closer you stand to the toilet, the more whiz you're gonna get on your gy sock. So I do a move where I put my heels against the door, lean forward and drop my forehead. That's right. You know what I'm talking about. Drop my forehead against that weird slanted thing. You guys ought to put a pillow there for tall guys who want to piss. And I lean out at a 45 degree angle and hit that toilet dead nuts on. Yeah, I'm very unsuccessful at that moment. Yeah, but you know what I'm talking about with it, right? With the 45 degree angle.

[Brian Bishop]

And.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

And I only go with.

[Jason Sklar]

Only go with the socks at the.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Beginning of the flight because the spatter at. Sure, yeah, sure. But But Sean, I can't believe that people don't flush the toilet. Plus, it is the most rewarding flush you'll ever get in your life because it fucking sucks your contact lenses out. I mean, it's so awesome.

[Brian Bishop]

Wait, there's a first class.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yeah, you just thought there was business.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Good luck drinking all those Bloody Marys. But it's gonna cost you. That's gonna cost you a pretty penny at the end.

[Sean Kathleen (Flight Attendant)]

The interesting thing too is I forgot to mention, and this is rich and poor man as well, the actual identification of the lavatory. They will come to the back. This is especially in the back of the aircraft. And they just stand there and they just look to the left, to the right. Look, they're looking, looking at the doors that they entered the aircraft on. No, it's not that one.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yeah, someone's gonna pull emergency hatch.

[Sean Kathleen (Flight Attendant)]

You know, the doorknob.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

And do me a favor, do me a favor. You know when the pilots gotta take a leak and you guys put the serving cart up there. By the way, I don't think any of the guys from Al Qaeda are freaked out by aluminum serving cart. But either way it adds a little, you know, peace of mind to the flying public. It's not like there's a bunch of guys sitting there there who are planning on taking over the plane. And they went, najeed, no, we didn't count on this serving cart. Oh, we, we did the whole rope thing and the bars thing. We did the whole Al Qaeda training camp. We've been training in the hills of Pakistan for nine years. But we didn't count on this three foot aluminum thing with the casters on it, with the, with the 45 year old chick leaning against it and talking to her friend. No way we're gonna overcome this obstacle. And we've climbed under barbed wire. We've done the whole nine yards. We not going to get past the serving guard. Scrub the mission.

[Allison Rosen]

Black Hawk down.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yeah, not going to work. They have carts. They have carts. This was not part of the training. Aboard, aboard. Put the pin back in the grenade. Yeah, so. But you put the card out there. I would like that cart between the coach and the first class. Because every once in a while I see one of these hillbillies coming up to shit up my head and I'm thinking to myself, hey buddy. Hey buddy. This ticket, this is three grand in New York. You got it for, from Shatner for 185 bucks. Get back to your own bucket and shit it up, douche. I don't need that guy shitting up my first class experience.

[Allison Rosen]

And not flushing.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

And not flushing.

[Sean Kathleen (Flight Attendant)]

And ps, I didn't sign up to flush people's shit and piss.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Oh, my God. Who the hell?

[Sean Kathleen (Flight Attendant)]

These are adult grown men. I don't get it. So needless to say, I love listening to your flight stories and I get so excited. Excited when you come back from one of your shows?

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Well, yeah, there'll be more to come.

[Sean Kathleen (Flight Attendant)]

That's my.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Well, we just. Me, Mike, and Donnie are all heading out. We're all. We're gonna head out to Philly or Boston. I can't remember, via United. And I said cancel all those flights. We're flying with another carrier. Let's go ahead and cancel them. And that's what everyone needs to do when someone does a horrible job at their job job. Don't give them your business. And Alaskan, for that matter, too. Hey, thanks, Sean. We. We do appreciate it.

[Sean Kathleen (Flight Attendant)]

No problem. It's great listening to you. And wanted to tell Brian hi too. And he sounds great.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

He's on the men and we're blessed to have him.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, that was Adam Cooler Show437 with Kinsley trying out for the news in between Newsroom Girls from between Teresa Strasser and Allison Rosen. Coming up next, we have Adam Carolla Show 809 featuring Will Sasso, Jim Carolla, Ray Oldhoffer, Allison Rosen, and Brian Bishop. From 2012.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

It's Will Sasso. Good to see you, my friend.

[Jason Sklar]

How are you?

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Sasso.

[Allison Rosen]

Friend.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Congratulations on three Stooges.

[Adam Carolla]

Thank you.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

I was checking it out on Rotten Tomatoes today, and it's made some pretty good cash. I don't know. It was up getting close to, I don't know, 40 million bucks or something in a couple of weeks. Fairley brothers. How were those guys? I've never met those dudes.

[Adam Carolla]

They're crazy and awesome.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Really?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, they're like, legitimately crazy. And two of the absolutely nicest people.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Is there a lead? One, because usually one guy does all the talking. The other guy's quiet.

[Allison Rosen]

He's dominant.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Fairleigh, right? The top. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Pete Fairley is definitely the one who comes flying out from behind the video village and takes the headset off and screams at everybody and. But Bob's the one you don't want to piss off.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Bob's the, ooh, power bottom. Yeah, I like that. Good bottom, bad bottom. I like that.

[Adam Carolla]

That's their new movie starring Matt Damon and Greg Kinnear.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

And they don't.

[Adam Carolla]

It's a follow up to stuff on You.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

I feel like if me and my sister directed a movie, it'd take us less than 10 seconds of the first take to just start an all out fucking embarrassment, embarrassing argument in front of the crew and everyone else. They don't do that.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no. And I was sort of curious how that would work. And it works. It's unbelievable. Yeah. And I thought halfway through it's like, yes, definitely, someone's gonna take a swing at somebody else. Right.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

I've not seen the movie, but I've seen enough of it to know that you do a pretty damn amazing Curly. And how much research other than just watching Three Stooges movies did you do?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I mean the research gets a little different having, you know, I mean, you know, I've always watched the Stooges, but yeah, I started watching it with a different eye.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

And yeah, you watch it a lot. And then you keep watching it and you're watching it during. And I was always walking, I was always that asshole walking around with the headset in and just, just kind of doing little sound bites of stuff that'll get me, keep me in.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

And is. It is. I was, I don't know. We're on a long drive once from like Fresno back to la and I had Mike August and Mike lynch in the car and start talking about the Three Stooges. And lynch was telling us sort of a sad story about some gambling and some depression and some. Maybe some alcoholism, but definitely some money lost or lack of compensation. Yeah, I mean all those guys, they.

[Adam Carolla]

Didn'T get paid for that stuff. You know, when it started being re syndicated in the 60s, they didn't get a dime from it. Yeah, their deals were terrible.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

And which one made it who was actually a brother and then how long. Who died last?

[Adam Carolla]

Mo died last.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Mo was last.

[Adam Carolla]

Moe was the. Well, Shemp is the oldest brother. Brother of the Three Stooges that ended up being the Three Stooges. But Mo, yeah, Mo out lasted them all. Shemp, I believe, died in 58. Curly died in. I want to say he was in 1952 at 48 years of age.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

And Moe made it.

[Adam Carolla]

Mo died in 1975 and I'm not sure how old. I think he was in his 80s.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

And Mo and those were brothers. But was. Who was the non brother then?

[Randy Sklar]

Larry.

[Adam Carolla]

Fine.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Larry. Was the, Was he related at all?

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, they found him, they found him doing a, like a cabaret act. He used to like play the violin and sing with his wife and his sister in law and they, and they were they were Ted Healy and the Stooges back then. It was before Curly was doing a whole lot of it. And it was like Champ, Mo and some other guys sometimes and Ted Healy. And then they found, they found Larry and one night he had had a fight with his, with his wife and his. And his sister in law. You know, they pulled the anti fairly and they couldn't do it anymore. And they found him by himself and they're like, yeah, we like this guy. And they brought him on and he was like, how much does it pay?

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

And then was there, was there a sad moment as you were researching the students. Students, the Stooges, where there's a sort of a rock bottom or. Jesus Christ, that's pathetic.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, you know, the way Curly passed on, you know, he was institutionalized at the end of it. And I mean they, it was, you know, but Mo was always there for him. Mo was always there for him, for Larry, you know, when Larry had had a stroke and before he passed away, Mo would go read to him and Every day and Yeah, I mean it was, you know, Curly. They beat the shit out of Curly and then you throw in, you know, some scotch and some fast living and.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

But he took some massive head trauma. So.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Is that stuff ultimate? It ultimately, it always feels sad. But is it sad like, I mean they. Not sadder than the average life led on this planet. Right. Just sad for what it could have been, perhaps.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I mean, you know, the Stooges were always. Yeah, they were always treated second class. Like they never got a set, they never had a set built for them. They had to reuse sets and you know, I kind of. Yeah, as a Stooge fan, I wish they had a 90 minute movie. Like, I wish they were given a full length movie before the, you know, the Curly Joe Besser years and all that stuff. I wish that, you know, that we could see Curly Howard in a feature length film. But yeah, I mean it's, it's. I don't, I don't know that I can. As a fan. I can't call it sad because I, you know, I just think they're just absolutely legendary and you laugh your ass off. But yeah, on a human level, you go, man, what a boy. Oh boy.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

What about the song, the popular song written about the Three Stooges in like the, like 1987.

[Brian Bishop]

Is that the Curly Shuffle?

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yeah, it was a weird.

[Adam Carolla]

Who did that? Who were those guys? What was that?

[Jason Sklar]

I don't know.

[Adam Carolla]

That wasn't Alabama, was it? It was something like that.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

No, I think it was nobody. I'm pretty sure it was a one hit wonder.

[Brian Bishop]

Jumping the saddle band.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yeah, well, I stand corrected because they have a jukebox filled with hits, but. And it was like 1986 or 87 or 5 or something like that. And I. It's weird because he died in the.

[Adam Carolla]

50S, died in 1952 and the show was syndicated.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

We ended up watching it all in our youth, but by the mid-80s, it's not like people were buzzing about the Stooges.

[Adam Carolla]

No.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yeah, it must have been a tough picture. It must tough sell for the rest of like. Like what year we literally talking about here? Like 86. Mike, turn your mic.

[Randy Sklar]

He's 83.

[Adam Carolla]

Sounds like. And I had this.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

I had 45 of this super cool song. All right, don't let me cut you off. You know what's going off big right now? What's that? Lamborghini Countach and Cocaine in the Ladies.

[Brian Bishop]

Oh, this is perfect.

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, that'd be great for the horn set.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Hot chicks, big hair, tight. They're one piece bikinis. But they're almost like half piece, you know, they ride up your ass and they show side boots.

[Brian Bishop]

You mentioned that.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yeah. Seen those Billy Idol videos? That's what I'm talking about.

[Randy Sklar]

Yeah.

[Brian Bishop]

Rock the cradle.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yeah, all that. Yeah. So what do you got? Because that's what I'm thinking.

[Brian Bishop]

The Abbott and Costello Shuffle.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Huh?

[Brian Bishop]

It's perfect. It's on the tip of everyone's tongue. It's the zeitgeist everyone's talking about.

[Brody (Caller)]

About.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

I'm talking about Lamborghini Countaches with hot chicks on the hood.

[Brian Bishop]

Suppose we could change it to the Curly Shuffle.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

How's that go?

[Brian Bishop]

It's like the Abbott Costello Shovel, but not quite as good.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

You really think that's going to be a top 10 hit for us?

[Brian Bishop]

Shovel would have been, but now you're changing it. But do whatever you want to do. I'll be out back.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

That song was top 10, right? Yeah. Can you sing along?

[Adam Carolla]

Well, no, not no, but fuck no, no. I don't know the song. People. It's funny because people start tweeting, like when you get the part. It's like, hey, I bet you love this song. It's like, no, it has nothing to do with the Stooges. And those guys are.

[Brian Bishop]

Speaking of which. Indulge me for a second, if you will. I have so many questions about the development of the movie because it's been being developed for over 10 years and like development hell. And so many actors were considered for all the parts. Like, big name actors came and went, how did you. How did you end up at the part?

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Well, they. They.

[Adam Carolla]

The Farrelly brothers called me into a meeting, like seven or eight years ago, and they had heard. They said that they had heard that I did Curly on MAD tv, which was not true. And then. And I told Pete, you know, Pete was like, oh, I heard you did it on mad. And this is a very good Pete, by the way.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Right.

[Adam Carolla]

And I went. And I went, no, I never did it on Matt. He goes, oh, okay. And then I went, but you don't want me to have done it on Matt.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

And he's like, well, why not?

[Adam Carolla]

I'm like, well, because that's a TV show. You guys are making a big movie. You're the Fairly Brothers. And knowing Pete now I know why it's interesting that he said, well, I guess that's a good point.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla]

And then about three years ago, I did the Sean Penn table read when he was attached as Larry.

[Brian Bishop]

I was attached, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. And Benicia Del Toro was in talks for Mo. And then they were like, that would.

[Brian Bishop]

Have been a crazy cast.

[Adam Carolla]

It would have been weird. And then my manager got all excited and I was like, don't get. They're gonna shave Kevin James head. Like, relax. You know what I mean? It's not gonna happen. And then they got Jim Carrey, and then that fell apart. And then they started over.

[Brian Bishop]

Supposedly Jim Carrey put on like £40. Put on £40 and decided, I can't do anymore.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

I can't do anymore.

[Randy Sklar]

That's right.

[Adam Carolla]

He was gonna put on another 40. And then he started talking about how. Well, you know, when De Niro played this to play Curly, and he's gonna do some facial prosthetics.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. Just get a fat ass for, like, no money.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

I swear to God.

[Adam Carolla]

Just get a fat guy and just do it.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Just do the. Yeah, it's like going, hey, I'm making a porn movie. I'm gonna paint that guy black and add some prosthetics. His penis in there. And. Or we could just go down to the Home Depot and get a black dude. Get a huge, huge car.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, I don't want to. I don't want to liken my performance in the movie to. Or Jim Carrey. What Jim Carrey's performance would have been to Gary Oldman becoming a black man with a 13 inch dick. But, yeah, I think Jim Carrey, that would have been a. Gary Oldman would.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Have been very interesting. I was reading your list of Impressions here and there's the usual suspects, which is good. But Randy Newman heard Randy Newman. I'd be curious to hear what Randy Newman might sound like.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, he just sounds like a real retard. Every. Every impression I used to do on mad TV just sounds like a. Like a version of that person who hit his head really hard.

[Jason Sklar]

Yeah. You know, Randy Newman just sound like.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

But then how are you going to do Dwayne the Rock Johnson as a retarder?

[Adam Carolla]

I mean, I. That's the thing. Yeah. I don't know how that. I don't even remember doing Dwayne the Rock Johnson.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Well, I don't know if you saw Fast5 as many times as I did, but that man used a lot of arm butter. Oh, yeah, he was grease stuff.

[Adam Carolla]

Same stuff I put on my calves.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yeah. Oh, we're gonna get a shot of those calves.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we get a shot of those.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

It is absolutely glorious.

[Brian Bishop]

Good news about three Stooges. I don't spoiler alert, but the Stooges dress up in nurses at one point.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Oh, calves.

[Brian Bishop]

There is a glorious shot of Will Sasso's calves.

[Adam Carolla]

One of my buddies said that. He goes, yeah, no, the curly is great and blah, blah, blah. He goes, but your forearms and calves are distracting.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yeah. Yeah. You're a lot of man. What do you weigh? I'm only asking because you're not.

[Adam Carolla]

I am. As a solid human being. You're not going to believe me. About £470.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Really?

[Adam Carolla]

No, that's not true. No, that's not true. Somewhere just upper. Just a little south or just a little south of three bills most of the time. But I'm six, three big, dude. I lift the weights and stuff and throw the weights around.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Played football in high school, growing up in Canada, and then played some in college as well, right?

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, no college.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

But you got recruited, right?

[Adam Carolla]

Oh, yeah, I was pretty heavily recruited and I played what's called junior football, which is sort of a feeder for the cfl. I played a little bit of that and then I quit because the acting work was picking up.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Really? Yeah, yeah, it went all right. Is acting. I know Canada and there's a lot of great performers who come from Canada and a lot of good comedy that comes from Canada. Is it tough to pick up work there or. It's a smaller pool, but there's more or less fish in it?

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, it's kind of a smaller pool, but back in the day, like in the early 90s and stuff, and there was like 21 Jump street and X Files and there's a bunch of. There's so much stuff. And I was on a Canadian series when I was a kid.

[Allison Rosen]

When I was a teenager, what was it?

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Cavs and company.

[Adam Carolla]

It was like Degrassi. It was called Madison. And I pitch it down here as sort of a Canadian My so Called Life. It was kind of like that. It was a lot of teen problems. We had the first lesbian kiss on Canadian television. Way predated Ellen.

[Allison Rosen]

Who did you play?

[Adam Carolla]

I played Derek Wachaluk, who was a pretty good egg most of the time, rarely got into trouble and was kind of funny sometimes.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

So did it, did it get a lot of press? Did the lesbian kiss get a lot of press?

[Adam Carolla]

No, none. None, like none. We were just like, this will do it. None. The show was on five years though, because it's just government grants and ratings don't matter. Sure, we're communists up there.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

I like the fact that you guys go, listen, if you're gonna play radio, you know, if you're gonna play songs on the radio, we need 25% of them to be Canadian born artists.

[Adam Carolla]

And the only reason if I ever had a chance of playing in the CFL is cause there's that number which goes from like 16 to 20% or whatever needs Canadian.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

You don't need a whole bunch of scary black dudes running up and down the field.

[Adam Carolla]

It's not just. It's not just guys from the American south. It's like just. Which in Canada just equates to like big fat white farm boys. That's who ends up playing in the city.

[Allison Rosen]

Which part of Canada are you from?

[Adam Carolla]

Just outside Vancouver.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Somebody's got like. Someone's making the argument like, listen, those super fast black guys, they need someone to run over. And I think those people should be local. You understand me? Yeah. So some redheads. Vancouver. Unbelievable. So, my God, it's so beautiful there. So how far out of Vancouver?

[Adam Carolla]

Just about 20 miles out. A little town called Ladner.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Seems so normal, doesn't it?

[Allison Rosen]

I've never been to Vancouver. I've been to Toronto.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Vancouver I like quite a bit more than Toronto. And Toronto is really cool too. But Vancouver, Oh, Vancouver is sort of Seattle, if it wasn't filled with a bunch of people who moved to Seattle and did a. Hey man, now I'm from Seattle. Sort of.

[Allison Rosen]

There's, you know, Seattle, Seattle, minus the assholes.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Seattle. It's like, yeah, no, Seattle doesn't really have assholes. But the people live in Seattle are well aware they live in Seattle and they know it smug yeah, it's like me. I always say that all the time. I'm hot, but I don't know it. And that's part of what makes me hot. You know what I'm saying? And that's what Vancouver is. They're hot, but they don't know it. Yeah, yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

No one tell them you should have.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

That on the sign. But we don't know it. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

I'll tell you why. I'll tell you what. I was literally the last one of the last times I was there, I was commenting to a friend that it's just. It's literally some of the most beautiful women you've ever seen in the world hanging out with tools.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yes. It's unbelievable.

[Adam Carolla]

And it's like in la, you can't. You know, everyone's.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

It's weird too, you know, Ed, that would never happen. And there seems to be no agenda, and there seems to be no, you know, there's no ladder to climb over there. You just stand around like a bar or a club or something, and the next thing you know, there's just some hot chick talking to you and you think, oh, she must recognize me from something. But she's like 24 and has no idea who you are. She's just friendly. They're just like, regular and talky and it's chatty. And it's weird because you're so used to the LA standard, which is, all right, you want some coke or do you want me to introduce you to one of the Farrelly brothers? Like, what do you need from me?

[Adam Carolla]

And in Canada, they get kind of. The more they get to the. To the center of the country, they get even kinder, really. So you take the east coast and the. Well, the far east coast, they're very, very sweet in the Maritime Provinces. And then, you know, Toronto's a big city, Vancouver's a big city, but once you get to the middle of that country, it's just the nicest people in the world.

[Allison Rosen]

Is that like their Midwest?

[Adam Carolla]

Exactly. The Prairies are like their Midwest. And it's just. And girls with just flawless skin. Because of all the cold weather and fresh water and just clean living, just. It's unbelievable. I'm going back. I'm opening lumberyard.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

I'm going with you.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, Fuck show business.

[Allison Rosen]

Now, if Vancouver is hot but doesn't know it is, way to get in Vancouver's pants. To complement its looks or its mind.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

I'd say just buy the beer.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, yeah, you're right. Why even burn the calories?

[Brian Bishop]

Beer is Higher alcohol content.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yeah, they got nice high octane beer over there. All right, Allison Rosen wants you. Three Stooges, by the way, in theaters, of course, as we speak. Will's got a podcast out and it's called the 10 Minute Podcast that's available on iTunes. Hamfatter. That's two T's. I guess you could figure that out.com website and Will Sasso Twitter. Should we do some news? And will you hang out and crack wise with us? Sure. Please.

[Dana Gould]

The news with Allison Rosen.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

She'll read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. It's Allison. Allison. And when it's time to wrap it up, she'll sign it off with Zippy Cunt. It's Allison.

[Allison Rosen]

Two current and two former TSA screeners at LAX have been arrested for allegedly taking bribes to not notice drugs that were going through.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

That's not the TSAers I know. Especially in LAX.

[Allison Rosen]

The 40 page indictment outlines five alleged smuggling incidents over a six month period. If convicted, the screeners could end up behind bars for the rest of their.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Lives or smuggling drugs out of la. Because I feel like coming through.

[Allison Rosen]

I think coming through.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

But the TSA people are checking you on the way out, not on the way in. But are these customs?

[Brian Bishop]

You could be checking bags though.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Adam? Yeah, customs could be checking bags coming in. They do checked bags.

[Allison Rosen]

Is it tsa? What?

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

No. Because those got checked through.

[Brian Bishop]

Maybe they're coming through like from other countries. Like could be.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Well, it's all laid out in Don Henley's Smuggler's Blues or Glenn Frey's Smuggler's Blues and Move it Through Miami. And I say they comes from. It's all laid out. It's all there. If you ever want to know how the cocaine trade works, it's all.

[Allison Rosen]

Here's the thing, though.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

It's a tutorial for smuggling coke.

[Allison Rosen]

Who. I'll listen to it. Who has the balls.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Much like the Curly Shuffle is a lesson in. Yes, good.

[Allison Rosen]

Right. In methamphetamine cooking. Who has the balls to attempt to bribe a TSA agent? That's always my thing. When considering cool criminal activity or just thinking about other people who do it is like, I think, what if it goes wrong? It's gonna really go wrong.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

I feel like some Lee Press on. I'm like, I'm a set of Lee Press on nails and some generic Courvoisier away from doing anything I want at that airport when I walk through lax. But that's me. That's a generic Courvoisier. It's not real Courvoisier.

[Brian Bishop]

It's not name brand.

[Allison Rosen]

Would that work on the dudes as well? Well, the press on nails.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Well, no, I bring them both.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, right.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

So you press on nails and audible. Yeah. Okay, so I should know which. Which pocket to go for. Yeah, that's what it feels like to me. Those people feel like criminals to me. I mean, that's just me. But, you know, I may be wrong.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, because you want to be bribing like a female TSA agent with the Lee press on nails and have a guy walk up and go, what's going on over here? And not have the Khlossier.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

I got something for you too.

[Adam Carolla]

Mm. Mm.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

None of them. None of them look like high end law enforcement officials, do they? No, they don't really act like it, do they?

[Allison Rosen]

No, it's more like if someone saw this happen, I guess it seems real illegal.

[Adam Carolla]

You can get through the airport with so much stuff. Anyway, I don't care what anyone says. So I think you only need to bring out the Lee Press on nails and Courvoisier if you get caught.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Oh, yeah, no, that's. That's case of emergency.

[Adam Carolla]

You should just put it in there.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

With the bag of coke.

[Adam Carolla]

There should be Courvoisier and le press on nails and they just kind of give you a wink and a.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Go ahead and keep that Adidas bag for yourself there, buddy.

[Allison Rosen]

So I have a story. It's gonna be a tangent, but it does relate.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

I want to find out what goes on with Smugglers Blues. I gotta find out where they move it in. They move it through Miami and they sell it in la.

[Brian Bishop]

Don't act later.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

I know. It happens every day. The video is even better.

[Adam Carolla]

It's great.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

You'd never, never know it was shot in the 80s.

[Brian Bishop]

It's an epic, sprawling.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

The Curly Shuffle guy was like, you see, this is the kind of we should have been singing about.

[Brian Bishop]

I may have overestimated the public's appetite for curly related material.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

I would say you grossly overestimate.

[Brian Bishop]

I can admit my mistakes, unlike some people.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Oh, no. Yeah. I would argue that Miami Vice ultimately did more harm than good.

[Adam Carolla]

You know, like with regard to hair.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

And just every jackass going is, you know, tubs or Crockett for Halloween.

[Brian Bishop]

Dude, there's acting in this video. There's like non musical interludes.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yeah. And so it's always nice to see a non smoker smoke on screen. Holding the cigarette with two hands.

[Adam Carolla]

That guy just aimed the gun at Glenn Frey's head.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

That's right. Oh, wow. It's nice to see him. It's nice to see a VW thing featured in a video. It's normally a nicer car.

[Allison Rosen]

I'm surprised Tawny Kitain's not rolling around on the phone.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Oh, it's coming. Videos used to be so bad. We were so excited just to see actual stuff moving.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Uh oh. Hustling back to the car. Gonna take a while to get to the part where actually, I don't like it when the cops or the bad guys fire the gun and blink every time they fire it. That says, that's like a guy that's not fired a gun. You know, you see the actors, like, blinking every time they squeeze the trigger. Yeah. Here's Glenn Frey.

[Dana Gould]

Buddy.

[Allison Rosen]

Got it.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Ketchup packet in the belly. Here comes the guys chasing him.

[Allison Rosen]

Every car in this video, if we could hear it honking, it would sound like this.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yeah. And there's no the song. There's no metaphor or simile. It's all just fucking on the nose.

[Brian Bishop]

He's talking the lyrics to her, by the way.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yes.

[Adam Carolla]

That's a pre fame Sharon Stone. There's that Sharon Stone of the.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Wait, some.

[Adam Carolla]

A lister.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

They hide it. Telluride. Oh, you sure enough to say, like, I'm telling you, it's right here now. He says they hide it. So they move it from Miami, they sell it in la, and they hide it in Telluride. It's a nice little plug for Telluride.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, we're hip.

[Brian Bishop]

He opened a ski resort.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, man, there's so many words in this song.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

I know.

[Adam Carolla]

Why are there so many words in this song?

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

He's also in one of those fake bathrooms with the fake graffiti. Like, there's no. It's not real graffiti. It's TV graffiti. All right? He's double crossed. The guy blinks when he shoots his gun. All right, you get it? They put it in Telluride.

[Allison Rosen]

Now we know.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

I figure they stash it up and whistle.

[Brian Bishop]

This is what you're talking about. They're like, huh? What? Something snaps together. We're gonna find out that Glenn Frey, like, co owned a ski chalet up in Telluride, like, bought it right around the time he's writing the song. I gotta plug in for that one.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yep. All right, Important.

[Allison Rosen]

So my story, which is a tangent, but which relates because it's a story of attempting to sort of bribe and it did not go right. When I lived in New York York, my sister and I were living together and we were moving into a one bedroom apartment because everything was expensive and a lot of people were converting their one bedrooms into two bedrooms. And the only way you could do this was to hire a company to build a pressure wall. They were very. The apartment was very specific.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Pressure wall?

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, like a tension wall. It's a wall that. It's a temporary wall that they put up and it stays there for the whole time you're in the apartment. And then they take it down at the end and they professionally put it up.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Up.

[Allison Rosen]

Professionally take it down and somehow it doesn't damage anything.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Is it load bearing?

[Allison Rosen]

Well, you're asking the right person. How would I know?

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Are they throwing the wall up to keep the sound and the dust out or are they throwing a wall?

[Allison Rosen]

It kind of prevents. It prevents neither from moving around. So, yeah, it's not.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

So they call it a tension wall, which is interesting. So we call it like putting up kickers and building a wall that's picking up the load of the wall that you're removing. Moving, I guess. But anyway. All right, back to the.

[Allison Rosen]

They can build little windows into them.

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, this is intended to be permanent. I mean, for the. For the duration of your.

[Allison Rosen]

It's to create an extra room. It's just. Yeah, but it doesn't fuck with the structure of it. So anyway, there's like one of two companies you can call and I called and there's this huge waiting list. And we were gonna move in, you know, let's say September 1st. And it's like, oh, yeah, you know, we can't do it till November.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

So.

[Allison Rosen]

So I ended up telling. I said to the guy something like, you know, okay, well, blah, blah, blah. If there's any ways or a waiting list or if there's any way that you could do it sooner, I'd be really happy to show my appreciation. Oh, yeah, I meant with a tip.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Sure.

[Allison Rosen]

I didn't know how it works in New York, but he gave me the most uncomfortable, disgusting laugh ever. Yeah, the, like us laughs. And that's when I realized.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Boobs.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, God. He thinks I'm offering sexual favors.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

You guys have a boob off. Go ahead. Boobs.

[Brian Bishop]

Boobs.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Boobs, Boobs, boobs. Sorry.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm a big fan of the show, so. I know that. I know the drops. Pardon me?

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, no, no. Well, go ahead.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

I gotta say, I miss the. Now that I'm literally a millionaire, I miss the part where you can grease a wheel or a palm. And it's not all. It's not all bribing. Like, I've had situations where I've gone into a place and I've dropped a bunch of auto parts off at a chrome shop. And the guy goes, it's gonna probably be about five, six weeks. And I go, is there any way we can speed that up? And he goes, well, not really. It's just a line. And you're in your place, it's about five or six weeks. And I go, look, I don't mind paying extra. Like, if you want. If you want to have one of your guys come in on a Saturday and do my shit, I'll pay him and we can get my shit back in a couple weeks. And the guy's like, yeah, no. And that's like, I'm not asking you to suck any dick or mule cocaine into Tijuana. I'm just saying I want to actually physically pay you and pay your guy to do my shit. And it's like, no. And it's weird. Like, it's almost like, no way.

[Allison Rosen]

Why does that safe open up for you?

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

I don't know, but there was a time when I would imagine the, you know, Frank Sinatra, like, all. All the fucking rat packers, they just left the house with a wad of twenties in case there was trouble.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

You know what I mean?

[Randy Sklar]

Like, if you.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

If you ran over Mexican or a hooker, got a little mouthy and you had to beat the shit out of her or whatever, you know, it was a little incident, then it'd be like, all right, just peel off. Yeah. And, you know, maybe you're heading to.

[Allison Rosen]

The Latin, clean up the mess.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yeah. Like you're heading out and you're going, where are we going? We're going to Latin Corpse. Well, geez, did anyone call ahead and make reservations? And the guy just hold up his wad, here's our reservations. And you just peel off a couple twenties, hand it to the maitre d. Now I feel like everything's like, sir, you need to swipe your card, and we need to get ID and you didn't make reservations, and we can't get. You know, it's like. It's that kind of thing. It's not fucking worth being rich anymore. Rich would just be, you know, the guy finds something in your fucking bag he shouldn't find copy. I mean, guy pull you over on the fucking turnpike of Jersey in 1962, you'd give me. Give me a fucking license with 20 bucks tucked in like a taco. You know, make a little licensed taco with 20 bucks and slip it through the window to the guy, and the guy just tell you to get the fuck out.

[Adam Carolla]

That was a different time. I mean, when it was a better time. When did drinking and driving become a crime?

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

That's a serious question that I'm still waiting for. They used to, I mean.

[Adam Carolla]

Cause it used to be you could just slam into cars. These guys are all over the road. Slam into parked cars.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

It would be, I think back in the day. Well, now everyone, everyone's. Everyone is. I think everyone's a star fucker, but they're also a star fucker. And I'm gonna drop a load on your forehead. Like, not only do they want Mel Gibson's autograph, but they also want to be the guy who busts Mel Gibson. See, I think it's inverse. It used to be if you were Cary Grant and a cop pulled you over, they do the, you know, they'd come around, do the flat. Oh, Mr. Grant, it seems like you've been overserved tonight. Please let me escort you back to your home. And then he'd. Basically you'd follow the cop back to the house. That was back in the day. Now I would say if they saw very, you know, if they saw Brad Pitt and it looked like he was close to being drunk, you want to be the guy goes back to the precinct and goes, guess who busted Brad Pitt.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

So now even if it was a guy they didn't recognize, let's say Brad Pitt. So it used to be like this civilian here, celebrity way above them, and now it's civilian here, celebrity below them. Which is if it was a dude that was like, maybe had a couple beers, but you're sort of. You might go, listen, but just slow it down and get the fuck out of here. But if it's Mel Gibson, I gotta fucking pull him out of the car now and hope that you're the dude who busted Mel Gibson. Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

That sort of stuff doesn't happen in Canada. Another reason to move up there.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Oh, no DUIs.

[Adam Carolla]

No DUIs.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Cause the cops drunk too.

[Adam Carolla]

Cops are drunk, everyone's hammered.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Look, I got this lampshade on now. Listen, I ride a motorcycle. It offers a certain degree of protection.

[Allison Rosen]

Is texting and driving allowed there? Cause that is how I'm going to die if I don't change the texting and driving soon.

[Adam Carolla]

Everyone is catching and driving, right? Everyone's doing it.

[Jason Sklar]

Well, not all the kids don't do.

[Allison Rosen]

It, but the people who are up my ass about it are not.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Do they? In Canada? Is there such a thing? As a jaywalking ticket?

[Adam Carolla]

Yes, actually.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Oh, there is.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah. They're kind of super diligent about that. Sort of. They're diligent about dumb crimes.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Let me tell you how the Will Sasso jaywalking ticket would go. Sir, I noticed you and. And tremendous calf.

[Randy Sklar]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Hold on. Steve, get over here. Look at this. What are we talking about? We have a hell of a day. Do me a favor.

[Adam Carolla]

Do you want me to. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Officer, do you want me to. Or, Constable, do you want me to step up on the curb like so?

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yeah, do that part where you put the balls of your feet on the curb first.

[Adam Carolla]

Just the one leg and the other one down here.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yeah, yeah. All right, that's good. Hold it, hold it.

[Adam Carolla]

You got the maple butter on you?

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Let me grab. I got some utter bomb. But hold on, Let me get my dash. Where's my dashboard cam when I need it? Oh, that's right. It's on the dashboard.

[Adam Carolla]

I'm gonna just put a little maple butter right here.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Let me go ahead and just position the car so I can get a shot of this.

[Adam Carolla]

Well, I could just stand on the hood. You got a dash cam?

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Oh, could you think that'd be.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, sure.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

It's gonna be too much trouble.

[Adam Carolla]

No, no, no. I could sit on the roof and just put my feet down on the hood here.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

What do you think of that? It's getting hot in this cruiser. You don't mind if I lose my belt up just a little bit?

[Adam Carolla]

Dude, how are you getting hot? It's minus 10.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

You know, defrosters being what they are today, just these damn holsters, they're really bind.

[Brian Bishop]

Why don't you take that holster off if it's bothering you.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yeah, if you don't mind, take it off the same.

[Brian Bishop]

I'll just.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yeah, just spread out a little bit here because it's hot. Well, you see, you keep. Keep going on that bumper there with those toe races. Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Maybe I could just. Maybe I could just buff out this with just the hind quarters. Oh, my calves seem to flex when I do that.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Oh, my God. Isn't that weird? Weirdest thing.

[Brian Bishop]

My bullpup vest is starting to make me hot. And I'm gonna take that off, if you don't mind.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

I'm gonna unleash myself. You know.

[Adam Carolla]

I know you. Thank you, officers, for letting me go. I know you find it weird that I'm wearing shorts and a parka.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Those dolphin shorts really seem out of season.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, well, you Know I run hot.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

I'll tell you what, why don't you just jog home on the balls of your feet, and we'll go ahead and follow you in the cruiser, okay? Yeah, sure.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, a little, like, maybe we can make some money for kids. It'll be a little Terry Fox action. We'll just. On the balls of my feet.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Just stay up on the balls. Yeah, that's perfect.

[Adam Carolla]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

All right.

[Adam Carolla]

You want to run the siren or.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yeah, we'll do that. We'll go serpentine. I'll do what I call a traffic break.

[Brian Bishop]

Nothing on the heels, though. That's.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Remember, that's bad for balls on the feet.

[Brian Bishop]

Don't touch the ground.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yeah, and listen, if you pass your house, keep going.

[Randy Sklar]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

We'll circle around.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't live here anymore, so I just.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

As long as you need me to keep going. Yeah, that's good.

[Adam Carolla]

I haven't checked into the hotel yet.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

So as a matter of fact, back. You know what? Let's just. Let's just call out. I'm good. You want to. You want to drive? You want to hit the Quiznos?

[Brian Bishop]

Yeah, let's head back to the station.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yeah, well, go ahead and do what you got to do.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

We're going to. Let's get by the Quiznos first.

[Brian Bishop]

That's a great idea.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Okay. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla]

Have a good night.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yeah. Hey, good night. Yeah, good night. Let's kind of pretend.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah, sure.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Okay. Or where were we? They did the old Jack off to the Cavs in Canada dashboard cam bit.

[Adam Carolla]

That bit.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

That old bit. Miss that bit. Yeah. Larry Fine was doing that in a vaudevillian days.

[Adam Carolla]

Cops jerking off the Cavs.

[Allison Rosen]

I've heard it so many times, but it always cracks me up. Yeah.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Weren't we doing the news?

[Allison Rosen]

All right, so.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, this is Adam Perillo Show 809. Coming up next, we have Adam Perilla Show 25 9, featuring Erica Rhodes, Gina Grad, and Brian Bishop from 2019.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Do we have Dawson? You pulled things to do before I die. We have a list that is in 50 years, we'll all be chicks. And then also we're reading you this just like Rich Man, Poor man, because you guys can add on to that stuff. People tweet me stuff always makes me laugh. So how many do you have?

[Dana Gould]

There looks to be about 50.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

50 coffee on. You want to pick your top 25?

[Dana Gould]

Sure.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Well, hold on a second, Max. Matt, tell Dylan he can pick, like, the top. Like, do you want to read all 50?

[Dana Gould]

They're funny.

[Randy Sklar]

Like I.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

All 50 okay.

[Randy Sklar]

All right.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

By the way, maybe you get through 50. You can get through 50 in five minutes. Let's do it. I can do it. All right, let's do it.

[Dana Gould]

If you guys want to send these in, use the hashtag beforeidie. Have my hands registered as weapons. Get kicked out of a casino for winning. Jump into a body of water with a knife between my teeth. Have a cape removed on stage. Have a sports jersey pulled over a nice suit. Be killed by the person I told to kill me if I started to become a zombie. Wipe down a gun. Silently communicate. Point to my watch underwater. Punch out my undercover partner who is about to say something he shouldn't and blow our cover. Play bass in an all black band. Be the only white guy and whisper something on stage to the conga player and then laugh. Put my hand over the mouth of a beautiful woman to stop her from screaming and then alerting the bad guys. Get shot at and brush it off, saying, I ain't got time to bleed. Be able to say, someone attempted suicide over me. She threw herself on the train tracks. Catch a punch and twist the guy's hand until he goes down to his knees. Have a celebrity shorten my name. In an interview, Bobby De Niro says work working with Ace was great. Be embroiled in a lawsuit that leads to a heroic story. I broke the leg of a gang banger robbing a liquor store, and now he's suing me. Stop a crime by throwing something. A guy steals a purse and starts running. I throw a can of corn football style and knock him out. Track someone. I dismount my horse, then do a low squat where I pick up a clump of dirt and let it sift through my fingers. Hawk a championship belt or super bowl ring at a pawn shop When I hit rock bottom, shout, release the hounds. Be lost in the Utah desert with a hot chick. Then come across an old Indian guy and speak his language.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yeah.

[Dana Gould]

Pull a fake mustache off someone and shout, aha. Have a hot towel on my face at a barber shop with a cigar sticking out. Dislocate my shoulder to get out of a straight jacket. Snap Larry King's suspenders.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

And turn him.

[Dana Gould]

Into a pile of ashes. Shout, not on my watch.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Direct a movie called awesome so that entertainment shows will have to refer to me as awesome. Director Adam Cole. Yeah. Then follow it up with the sequel, Hung like a Rhino. That is a good one.

[Brian Bishop]

I think Chris is instincts correct.

[Dana Gould]

Drive a car off a pier onto a garbage barge. Be stripped of a crown. Tell my team to Synchronize watches. Dry shave with a machete. Pull down a surgical mask and say, there's nothing I could do. Or beat someone on the chest and.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Shout, 50 damn you.

[Dana Gould]

Box a kangaroo. Demand unmarked bills. Drape a soup jacket over handcuffs in the front like John Gotti. Fend off a Kodiak bear with the torch. Pop the locks on an attest. Shake case full of money and slide it across a table. Be tied to a chair with a hot chick. Have to choose between cutting a red wire and the blue wire. And fight someone on the top of a train.

[Brian Bishop]

You got your work cut out for you.

[Dana Gould]

Man the hashtag again before I die. Acs send them in all strong.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Hmm. It's doable. Some of those are doable.

[Brian Bishop]

Well, good news.

[Allison Rosen]

Never too late.

[Brian Bishop]

At least one you've already accomplished. I mean, you were involved in a lawsuit and ended with a heroic story.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

You saved podcasting. That's right.

[Brian Bishop]

So you've thrust it off your list, my friends.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

29 to go.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, that's Adam Krillo Show 2598. Coming up next, we have Adam Carolla Show 1040, featuring Dana Gould, Huey Lewis, Allison Rosen, and Brian Bishop from 2013.

[Dana Gould]

The Adam Carolla show fondly remembers Huell Howser with another of Huell's jewels.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Well, hello, everybody. I'm Huell Hauser, and here it is. A beautiful morning. In fact, I woke up this morning in a tiki mood. I was hearing tiki music in my head.

[Jason Sklar]

I went to the kitchen and made.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Myself a Mai Tai. I put on my retro tiki shirt, and I was on the way to the airport to actually try and go to Hawaii or the South Sea Islands. Then I realized that the truth of the matter is I don't have the time or the money to go to Hawaii. So I've done the next best thing. I've come to Whittier, and I'm going to spend the whole morning inside this warehouse.

[Dana Gould]

So long. He'll be missed. Now, back to the show.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

See, unfortunately, Dana, Allison and myself are not nearly good enough writers to ever put that onto a piece of paper.

[Randy Sklar]

No. What?

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

You can come up with Whittier. Whittier, yeah, exactly.

[Randy Sklar]

He's got me beat.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Well, again, that's your hard, hard earned tax dollars of work, everybody. The great Hewell house.

[Randy Sklar]

Now KCET contacted me upon Yule's death and asked if I wanted to write a little thing for his memorial page on their website. Like, have you heard what I do?

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

It's always funny. You know, it was funny. I Got Dana Gould. I got started when I got started in radio with me and Jimmy was way back in the day they would run these spots for Gallp and Ford. And every year they ran the same spots, which is. It's the end of the year sales showdown. And Rykerd Ford in Cincinnati has the number one Ford sales spot. That's why we need to move trucks. F150s aerostars. And folks, is this weekend because we got to keep the Crown here in LA. It's been here for 15 years running. It's been galloping Ford. And then I used to come on all the time and be like, listen to me, people, listen. Maybe you don't need a Ford Fiesta. Maybe three or four people in the office all band together, just buy one, you know what I mean?

[Allison Rosen]

Just.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Everyone just ante up like 2,800 bucks to get a Fiesta. Maybe you don't need a panel van, but you get one anyway because we keep that. But. And I would go nuts. And then I started running down this stuff like that. Do you guys remember what happened in 1972? Well, 1972, the Ford sales crown went to big Walt Heffman Ford out in. He was out in Kentucky and that's when the big one hit. And I'm not risking it. And by the way, if, if Rikert Ford does take it, I'll send people down to the train station, I'll send them to the airport. There's no way that crown's leaving this fucking city. Do you understand me, people? And so I would go nuts on it. Like I'll my dead goddamn body is that crown leaving this city. And I was essentially making fun of Galpin Ford. But of course they love. They love it. They love my 20 minute commercials for how stupid their commercials were. And now I'm fans and friends with all the Bachmann brothers over there. But yeah, it is funny when you're sort of making fun of someone and people confuse it a little bit.

[Randy Sklar]

They love it. I don't think Huel would appreciate me doing his memorial.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

No, but I like roller coasters. Motherfucker. I have never heard that one where he was going on his Tahitian retreat and ended up in a warehouse in Whittier.

[Randy Sklar]

Who wakes up in a tiki mood and decides, well, I'd better fly to Hawaii today.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

No, that's never happened. Even Elvis in one of his movies wouldn't do that. That would even be a stretch for Elvis.

[Brian Bishop]

You mix the Mai tai first just to make sure he's in the.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

The Mood Dana can be found, by the way. March 29 at the Neptune Theater in Seattle, where the smart people go to laugh. Comedy special, the Black List podcast, the Dana Gould Hour. You'll be, oh, that's the 29th.

[Randy Sklar]

I'm filming my new special. No, no. It's called I know it's wrong. And to get tickets, it's. I believe it's NYC Black Blacklist. Or just go to my goddamn website.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

You'll be happy and sad to know this little example. I used you.

[Randy Sklar]

Oh, geez.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

I was sitting in a room with a bunch of, I don't know, producer types or something for some voiceover thing I was doing, and we're talking about comedy. And I said, you know, what you don't know about comedy is there's guys whose names you've heard of who play club, and then there's guys whose names you've never heard of, and they sell out basketball arenas. Yes. And so I said, does anyone in this room know the name Russell Peters? And there were six people in the business, and they all went, I don't know that name. And I said, he sells out 5,000 seat venues. And then I said, who knows Dana Gould's name? Here's where it takes a turn. All of them raised their hand. I can stop the story there if you like.

[Randy Sklar]

No, you can't. No, go ahead, I said.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

He plays 500 seat theaters, so you all end up. But the point is this. You all know this one guy, and then you've never heard of this other guy, and this other guy puts 5,000 fannies in seats. Or as my boxing instructor used to tell me, entertainment's about putting faces in seats. He was a man of color who could punch. So I never corrected.

[Randy Sklar]

Never corrected him.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yes. Yeah. Isn't it insane out there?

[Randy Sklar]

That's the way it works. As I always say. At the height of his fame, Elvis Costello never approached the sales of REO speakers.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yes. Yes.

[Randy Sklar]

Does it mean they're better?

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

No. No. That's the way we have to think.

[Randy Sklar]

That's the way we have to think.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Otherwise we'd never be able to go to bed at night.

[Randy Sklar]

Otherwise I would chew my own teeth up.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yeah, well, we just heard Huey Lewis going to number one was stuck with you and the aforementioned. I don't know if Elvis Costello has been number one. Bruce Springsteen has had a number one. One song. I don't believe. I don't believe he's had a number one song.

[Randy Sklar]

The only one that might have gone to number one. I'm thinking, could Possibly be Pink Cadillac.

[Allison Rosen]

I feel like Lynette's gonna come busting.

[Randy Sklar]

I'm not a big Bruce freak.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yeah, I feel like Dancing in the.

[Brian Bishop]

Dark was his highest.

[Randy Sklar]

Oh, Dancing in the Dark.

[Brian Bishop]

But I don't think it was number one.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Born in the USA maybe, but I think the deal is is it never had a. May have went to number two, But Stuck with youh by Huey Lewis. He has that on the boss. Alright, shall we take some relationship questions? I got a few lined up for us. We got a little intro there. Dawson caught off guard.

[Dana Gould]

This segment is brought to you by HT from the makers of Extends Higher testosterone for increased muscle mass, desire and performance in the bedroom. Go to www.byht.com and use the promo code.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Adam, we got 15 year old Brody wants to know how to introduce himself to women. All right. Find out if Bruce has had a. I think he hasn't, but let's find out. Let's see. Oh, let's see. Young Brody. Shit. Brody.

[Brody (Caller)]

Yeah. What's going on?

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

You're 15.

[Brody (Caller)]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Strong name, Brody.

[Brody (Caller)]

Hey, thanks. I'm a huge fan. I've read all your books and stuff.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Wow, all two of them, huh?

[Randy Sklar]

And a good voice for 15.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. Really very self possessed.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yeah, normally they sound like Peter Brady and you can hear the acne coming off their forehead. So Brody, you want to approach girls.

[Brody (Caller)]

Yes. In a stronger way.

[Allison Rosen]

I guess in a more Brody fashion.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

First off, Brody, let me just tell you, you may not have your driver's license, you may feel a little bit awkward and there's some growing pains and all that kind of stuff, but you.

[Allison Rosen]

Are.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

You are basically legally allowed to bang 16 year old chicks and you should just start kissing the ground you walk upon right now. Don't let that gift go. Don't ever let that gift go.

[Randy Sklar]

Here's seven words you don't want to start with Brody. Now I'm not going to rape you.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

But.

[Brody (Caller)]

No, that's probably a bad pickup line, I would think so.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

How to introduce yourself to girls. It's really, it's like a bad dream. Like you're adolescent hitting puberty in high school and all that. It's like some kind of weird opposite sex bad dream that we all wake up from at some point and realize why didn't we just punch that giant vagina in the mouth?

[Randy Sklar]

Or that giant mouth in the vagina.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yes, why didn't we just climb that giant penis shaped stalk? You know? But you realize like oh, see Dana, if you put your 40 something year old brain into a Young Dana Gould's head as a freshman or sophomore in high school. Just think of the damage you could do, not because of your vocabulary, but just because you know so much in your comments. Confidence is so high.

[Randy Sklar]

And I know now what I didn't know then was when to shut up.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yes, yes, yes.

[Randy Sklar]

There's a great quote. Don't just. No, don't just do something.

[Dana Gould]

Sit there.

[Randy Sklar]

That's a great. When you're with a woman and you've started talking, just sit there.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Right? So what happens?

[Randy Sklar]

Ask them about themself.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

And listen, you get nervous. You try to fill the gaps and the voids and the lulls with more. More gibberish, and next thing you know, it's a runaway mouth.

[Brody (Caller)]

How do you go about, like, compliments? How do you. Instead of just being like, hey, I like your blouse, or something like that. I don't know how you can.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Brian has a suggestion.

[Brian Bishop]

Yes, I was just gonna bring up the point. This reminds me of something I'd forgotten about. Do you guys remember when you were 15, 16 years old?

[Randy Sklar]

Old.

[Brian Bishop]

The fixation on pickup lines?

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Remember?

[Brian Bishop]

Like, you had. You had to have some line to come across to a girl thinking at the time.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Remember?

[Brian Bishop]

That was.

[Allison Rosen]

And the mistake is in trying to have a line when the best opening line is just, hey, and try not to be creepy.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Right? Yeah, Yeah.

[Randy Sklar]

I was really excited about the Empire Strikes Back coming out when I was 15. I was a late bloomer.

[Adam Carolla]

I don't know.

[Randy Sklar]

They're on a snow planet. The pictures are a snow planet.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Hey, bro. Brody, is there. Is there someone in particular you're thinking of?

[Brody (Caller)]

Well, the problem is she's in France because she went on the whole foreign exchange thing, and, like, she. She lives here, but she's just there right now for this entire sophomore year. She returns next year, but.

[Randy Sklar]

Oh, Brody.

[Allison Rosen]

What? Are you in contact with her?

[Brody (Caller)]

Yeah, I am over Twitter and all that. She. She says she likes me and stuff, but it just.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Her. By the way, her decision came down to a coin toss. It was either Paris or warehouse in Tustin, because Schulhauser will tell you exactly the same.

[Randy Sklar]

Either one.

[Allison Rosen]

Win. Win.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yeah. And what does she say, you know, when you talk to her on the Internet and everything? What does she say? What does she call you? What is. Do you think she's interested in you?

[Brody (Caller)]

Well, she kind of just admitted it today. I guess you could say that it's more like. It's small talk, but also like, everyone's like, oh, you got to kind of flirt in a weird way. And I'm like, that's. That's not how I like going about stuff.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

But I got a. Actually, I just thought of a good one. Hold on for a second, Allison. I think this is just going to spin. Speak to you as to whether you like the person or not. Because I've always said as an adult, if you say to a person. Yeah, I was thinking about checking out that Olympia whatever movie that's coming out next week. If a chick's into you, she'll go like, oh, yeah, I was thinking about that one, too. Or I wanted to see that. And if she's not into you, she's like, that's not my thing. Or, I already saw it. And you'll have your answer right there. If you're a young guy like this and you're flirting with this chick overseas, and you. You go, I had a dream about you the other night.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

This is the greatest yardstick to measure. Because when if a creepy dude says, I had a dream about you last night, you're like, I have to go. Yeah, I gotta go. Hold on. Let me grab a trash can. I'm gonna yak into this.

[Dana Gould]

I don't care.

[Allison Rosen]

It's Bree time. Gotta go.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yes. And it doesn't even matter if I just went, you know, we were just fucking hiking on a trail, and there you go. Were. You know. But the point is, you'll never ask, right? You'll never ask. So if you say to anybody in any situation, male, female, back there, if you go, I had a dream about you, and that chick goes, what was it about? What was the circumstances? What did we do together? She's in if she goes. That's nice. Gotta go. Then she's outdoor. Things gotta go. All right. Yeah, we got a little. Hey, Brody.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

I need you to either have a dream about her or lie to her and tell her you had a dream about her last night.

[Allison Rosen]

You know, you could say you were in my dream last night. I feel like that's a little less high stakes than I had a dream about you. Just a small nuance, but I feel easier.

[Brody (Caller)]

A little change of words helps a lot.

[Adam Carolla]

Yeah.

[Randy Sklar]

And here's a. Here's a hint about the dream. If you dream that she has octopus tentacles, but instead of suction cups, there are a bunch of small vagina, tell her you dreamt that you were parasailing.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yes. Smart. Okay, Brody, want to do a little role playing? Why not? All right.

[Randy Sklar]

Allison, that is a creepy pickup line.

[Brian Bishop]

He's into you.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

He's into you. You think you could pretend to be a woman for five minutes?

[Allison Rosen]

I'll try.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

All right. What's her name, Brody?

[Brody (Caller)]

Daria.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Daria.

[Allison Rosen]

Are you sure?

[Brody (Caller)]

No, that's her name. Said it like a question.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

I know, but.

[Allison Rosen]

Abidaria. I feel French.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Let's say you're on the phone, call her up now. She's from here, so you don't. I mean, if you can do a hell of a French accent.

[Allison Rosen]

I can't.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Okay.

[Allison Rosen]

But thank you.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

I was taking it off you earlier. That's what I'm saying. But she just. She's from California somewhere. Right. All right, so Daria picks up. Go ahead.

[Allison Rosen]

Hello?

[Brody (Caller)]

Hey, what's going on?

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, hey, Brody. How's it going?

[Brody (Caller)]

I'm pretty good. What about you?

[Allison Rosen]

Yep, things are going well. I miss home.

[Brody (Caller)]

Do you now?

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Kind of.

[Allison Rosen]

What?

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Don't.

[Brody (Caller)]

Don't interrupt me. Okay? Don't do that.

[Allison Rosen]

Oh, sorry.

[Brody (Caller)]

That's fine. Just.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Rough trade. I like it.

[Brody (Caller)]

You know, I recently dreamt about you and your clothes and stuff.

[Allison Rosen]

Hang on a second. I'm. Hang on a second. Someone's trying to get my attention.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

I don't want to put them.

[Randy Sklar]

How do you do audio? Pepper spray.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Is there a setting on your phone that you just press a button to be pepper sprayed with your own receiver? Feel like that'd be a liability as a manufacturer.

[Allison Rosen]

Should I go with this?

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

You got to go with it.

[Allison Rosen]

Okay. Hey, sorry about that, Brody. I just. My host mom needed to talk to me about our best deal day plans. So tell me about this dream and the clothes that I was in.

[Brody (Caller)]

They were two sizes bigger. It was really weird.

[Allison Rosen]

So you're saying I look skinny?

[Brody (Caller)]

Yes, you are. Very slender. And also, Kim was there, but he. He didn't seem like Jim, you know? You get what I'm saying?

[Allison Rosen]

What'd he seem like?

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

James?

[Brody (Caller)]

He was very. He was very. I don't know how to put this.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Let me jump. Let me just go ahead and. I've been through enough media training sessions to know when they just. When the guy from Bragman, Nyman and Calf Rally just jumps in and goes, let's pull the plug on this one round for a second. Let's start. Mr. Carollis, stop throwing around the N word, please. Simple question about your family. I'm going to just jump in here as a sort of media training coach here. Brody, I like where you're going. You do? But I don't like where you've been. Okay. I like the dream thing. I like the dream thing. Let's make it last. Last night. Let's make it fresh in your memory, you know? Not like the other day or whatever. Let's just make it coming off of last night. All right.

[Brody (Caller)]

Okay.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Let's focus on that dream, and let's focus about you and her sort of together in that dream.

[Brody (Caller)]

Through Jim. Right?

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yeah. Let's try not to work other dudes. See if you can. Let's have this be a one cock dream.

[Jason Sklar]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yeah.

[Randy Sklar]

Don't give her an option in your fantasy.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

That's right.

[Jason Sklar]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yeah. All right, so. And start working about you two. You two maybe going out to dinner and seeing a movie, and it was, you know, this is a dream. Like, let's say you had a date in your dream and tell us what happened in your dream. All right.

[Brody (Caller)]

All right, all right.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Here we go. Let's take it. Do the phone. The phone's got to ring. Brian. Come on. She's not going to. There it goes.

[Allison Rosen]

Hello? Daria Spring.

[Brody (Caller)]

Hey, Daria. How's it going?

[Allison Rosen]

Hey, Brody. I haven't heard from you in so long.

[Brody (Caller)]

Yeah, it's been a while. I'm sorry about that.

[Allison Rosen]

That's okay. I know you're busy.

[Brody (Caller)]

I am pretty busy. You know, I was thinking. I actually had a dream about you last night.

[Allison Rosen]

Me? That's so weird. What happened?

[Brody (Caller)]

I pretty much. We were on a date, actually. It was like we went to Chili's and got the 2 for 20. You seem like you're having a great time.

[Allison Rosen]

What did I order?

[Brody (Caller)]

The ribs? I thought that was a bad choice, but whatever.

[Allison Rosen]

That is funny. Then what did we do?

[Brody (Caller)]

We went to a movie.

[Allison Rosen]

What did we see? Do you remember? Or was it the dream where there's not a lot of detail?

[Brody (Caller)]

We saw Battleship. It sucked, huh?

[Brian Bishop]

Good point.

[Allison Rosen]

My host mom is talking to me. Or my host dad. Hang on a second. Un maman on the telephone O Daria.

[Randy Sklar]

Un pitted dance Do a small dance for me.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Hey, Brody.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, sorry.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

That had its moments. That had its moments.

[Randy Sklar]

It was a very mundane dream. It's rare that people dream such a. I dreamt that I walked over to the store and I bought a lip balm and some cheese.

[Allison Rosen]

I had a coupon.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Usually the movies that people dream about score higher than 17 on Rotten Tomatoes. That's my rule of thumb.

[Allison Rosen]

I was thrown by chilies.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Honestly, I like this.

[Allison Rosen]

Maybe Daria likes it.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

I know of chilies, and she's in.

[Randy Sklar]

France, so she's eating a lot of great food. She might have a craving for chilies.

[Allison Rosen]

That's true.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

All right, Brody. I like this. I'll tell you what, next time you call her and factor in the time difference, please go ahead and tell her you had a dream about her the night before. Write down a couple of the beats and see how she responds. First thing is if you say, I had a dream about you. And she goes, that's nice. Anyway, did you see Modern Family this week? She ain't interested, right? I mean, Alice, stop me if I'm wrong. If you're interested in a dude and that dude says he had a dream.

[Allison Rosen]

About you, oh, if you're interested, you for sure. Want to know What I'm thinking is it's possible. If you don't know how you feel, you still might ask. Just out of curiosity. But if you don't ask, that means you do not like the person.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

All right, we got a stepdaughter.

[Randy Sklar]

Or if she's like, do you like hickory smoked or honey baked ham, like tries to get off the topic, you're dead in the water.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Right, Jay? Hey, Adam, 28, Connecticut, having trouble with acting out. Stepdaughter. Yeah, yeah.

[Brody (Caller)]

She just got suspended from school yesterday. She had some BBs, some lighters and a pocket knife.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

An extra from Crybaby.

[Randy Sklar]

How old of a girl do you have?

[Brody (Caller)]

She's 12.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

What is, did you say BB's? Yeah, what are the BB's? I mean the pocket knife and the lighter.

[Allison Rosen]

Let's keep her away from cats.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yeah, Ms. Guyver, I mean she got.

[Brody (Caller)]

The, she had the BB's from her grandfather. She just thought they were cool. I don't know why she was bringing them to school. She had a hearing at her, at her school where they're, they're now deciding whether her suspension is going to be anywhere from 10 to 30 days. And my whole thing is.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

There was.

[Brody (Caller)]

Actually a revelation when she was serving her first day of suspension, which was yesterday. She was at her step stepmother's house and it was discovered that she had some cuts on her arm. So I don't know if she was using that pocket knife that they found at school to make those cuts.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

All right, let's try to figure this one out. First off, we are living in a time where if you take a toaster pastry and take bites out of it till it resembles the shape of a pistol, you're going to get suspended for a week. So don't bring the pocket knives to BBs and the lighters bring nothing to school but a peachy fly. Older and a great attitude.

[Randy Sklar]

What's important is you have a 12 year old stepdaughter who's facing a long suspension from school because she went to school with a weapon. The good news is you're seeking help in the right place.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

That's right. A comedy podcast. No, I have dealt with troubled teens my entire career. Yes. So you say she went to her stepmom's house, which now is weird because.

[Randy Sklar]

Does her dad live there?

[Brody (Caller)]

Her father, her biological father has remarried. Seems like they have two stepparents.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Oh, okay. All right. And they've been cut. Now, is she wearing black? Is she putting on a lot of eyeliner?

[Allison Rosen]

It doesn't always mean something.

[Brody (Caller)]

Her first year at this school, she just graduated from fifth grade to the sixth grade, and she's had nothing but problems for the school. I'm waiting to hear back from the suspension, but. About the suspension. But my whole thing is she hasn't any success at that school. All year. It's been nothing but negative. I'm thinking about just pulling her out completely, getting her some professional help and. And going elsewhere for schooling.

[Randy Sklar]

Well, how was she in fifth grade?

[Brody (Caller)]

Perfect. Or close to.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Can you get a J kit? Here's the. Here's the thing. Can you guys. Can you guys create a united front? Can all the parents create, you know, get on the same page in terms of helping this young person?

[Brody (Caller)]

We do get along very well. So everyone is already on somewhat of a united front. My whole thing is. I don't know whether we should just let her go back to school. Business as usual.

[Allison Rosen]

Well, what do you think? You obviously have some sense of this. What do you think is going on with her?

[Brody (Caller)]

I think she's having problems at the school. School, it's new, it's different. And she's kind of. She's withdrawing from her family a little bit, and she distracted. I don't think the school is positive at all. I think it's 100% negative in her life.

[Allison Rosen]

Do you agree? It's more than just the school, Ed, of course.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

But look.

[Brody (Caller)]

Oh, yeah, me as well. That's why the professional help has to come into play.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

All right, here's the deal. I used to tell people all this time. I did Loveline. The fact that you're asking the question means she's going to be okay. Because. Because for millions of kids, there's no stepdad Jay in their life who is willing to talk about getting somebody counseling, who's communicating with the other parents in the relationship and so on and so forth. He's too busy chain smoking and drinking out of a boda bag to ever wait. Sober up long Enough to even think about his stepdaughter. So the fact that she has Jay in her life and other parents that are going to jump in here means she will be okay. Okay? And Jay and all parents, you're the gatekeeper. Like, you know, you do a lot of. I don't know if it'd be a good idea to. It doesn't matter. It's your idea, too. You know what I mean? Like, parents. Stop questioning yourself. We used to not question ourselves nearly as much as we question ourselves. And then a lot of assholes started writing books telling us to question ourselves. And now we have kids that just fucking mouth off, and then we question ourselves. And then school makes us question ourselves. We used to just parent. You know what I mean? You go, I'm your dad and I told you so, and you do it. That's how it went. And here's dinner, and here's a book. And here's a windbreaker with your team name on it. Now you know, have fun when you're 18. Hit the road. That was it. I mean, I get into stuff with, like, my daughter. You know, like I said, I always say my daughter's like, raising three kids and my son's like, raising an old cat, but my daughter will just go round and round and round with my wife. Like, I can hear him downstairs. I want to walk with you and Molly. You can't, Natalia. It's cold. And you have to eat dinner and then you have to do your homework. I can put on a jacket. See, it's the engagement part. You know what I mean? And then I lean over the railing and go, hey, listen. No. The answer is no. Not with an explanation. It's just no. And parents, we need to get back to no.

[Brian Bishop]

No.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Because I said so. You're not talking to a fucking colleague at a law firm. You're talking to your six year old.

[Randy Sklar]

Daddy.

[Allison Rosen]

Stop talking.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yeah, Daddy said no. That's why you're not doing it. And I do believe that when you start negotiating with kids and they think they have negotiation power, they start spinning out of control.

[Randy Sklar]

Well, kids, Anybody knows this, kids need boundaries. They're looking for boundaries.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

They're looking for it because it proves.

[Randy Sklar]

That you are that you. It shows them that you care about them. I basically grew up unsupervised.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yes.

[Randy Sklar]

And it wasn't a good thing. No, it didn't. You know, if I wasn't in flames, I could pretty much do what I wanted and go to bed when I felt like it. That not good. Didn't Help didn't do me any favors.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

No, it's like, really, pets are the same way. Like, if you just let them rule the house and sleep wherever they went and run all over the furniture and just everything they want, they start to kind of spin out. Like, they need to be crated a little bit to sort of feel like someone has a badge.

[Allison Rosen]

Otherwise, they have to be in charge. And that freaks out.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

That freaks them out.

[Adam Carolla]

Right.

[Randy Sklar]

Everyone needs a psychological version of the Temple Grandin hug machine.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

That's right. Yeah. I was raised the same way. Like a raccoon in a dumpster. I'd be like, hey, I'm sleeping over at Ray's house this weekend. Wait, tell me.

[Randy Sklar]

My father said one, like, corrective thing in my life that wasn't, like, a threat of violence. It was I playing hockey, and I came home on Tuesday night at, like, 11:30. Where was. This is my hockey game. I don't think I should stay out this late in the school night.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

That was it.

[Randy Sklar]

One time. 1981. Okay.

[Allison Rosen]

Did you stop staying out that late?

[Randy Sklar]

Yeah. I was like, wow, he doesn't want me staying out. I better not.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

All right. Somebody hung up online, too.

[Randy Sklar]

And then there's just a lot of threats of breaking my jaw.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Really?

[Randy Sklar]

Oh, sure.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

I feel like that's a calorie burner, not a positive calorie burner. But Bruce, by the way, Bruce never had Dancing in the Dark. That was Brian's suggestion, I think. 1984, full two years before Huey Lewis hit number one. Number two. That's as close as he ever got to a number one song. So you listen to Rosalita, and then you listen to Stuck with you.

[Brian Bishop]

But even in Bruce's, like, super popular Tunnel of Love and Born in the USA never scored number one.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Well, he couldn't do a song as good as Stuck with you.

[Brian Bishop]

I think that's what it proves.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yep.

[Randy Sklar]

What's interesting is after he got married for the first time, the first single that he released after that was a song called Trapped. Honey, I wrote this great song. What's it called?

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yeah.

[Randy Sklar]

Love Bum Machine, Trapped.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

I love that.

[Randy Sklar]

I'm dating Patty Scaplino.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

All right, should we do some news? Allison Rosen.

[Dana Gould]

Yes, the news with Allison Rosen.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

She'll read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. It's Allison, Allison. And when it's time to wrap it up, she'll sign it off with It's Allison, Allison.

[Allison Rosen]

There have been stories all week about how Fallon will be taking over the Tonight Show. Leno will be out or Fallon will be taking it over when Leno's contract is up and the show will be moving to New York for the first time in really long time.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yeah, I just was sitting at our table with James, Baby Doll Dixon and Jimmy and Carson Daly going on, you know, because if you handle Jimmy and you handle Carson to some extent and you handle Colbert and you handle Jon Stewart, you got a pretty good idea of what's going on in the late night world out there.

[Allison Rosen]

And were they saying this is happening? Because at the beginning it was rumors and leaks. I think now, now it's pretty official.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yeah. Ruined. Also horrible morning show. Hey, it's J25. 25 after the hours. 35 wave at the top. That rumor and leaks in studio coming at you. Traffic, driver, traffic, weather, weather, weather, weather. Traffic news coming at you. We're going to check the Stater Brothers Skycopter for Jetcopter 5. Stater Brothers up there. Look out for mattress and lane slow and go on the 405. Rumor and leaks. Are there leaks?

[Randy Sklar]

I tell you, mattresses.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Chelsea's got entertainment news. What's going on? Entertainment news.

[Allison Rosen]

Chelsea there is breaking entertainment news and I will be telling you after the break what's going on with Bruce Willis and Nene. Leaks, no relation.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Okay. Traffic, weather, weather, weather, weather, weather, weather, weather and traffic all coming up. Top of the hour. 8:27 is 27 after the hour. That's 33 away from the top. They are straight up. Of course we do. News, weather, weather, traffic, traffic, weather, traffic and news at the top hour. The quarter hour, 8th break, 16, 32nd, 64th, every hour. Let's go down to a Stater Brothers chat. Oh, by the way, hold on, just this just in. Sludge is going to be down at the Ikea and Hermosa beach. Go out there, give him the phrase it pays. Kick him in the nuts. Get yourself a free beer. Koozie. Going down there sludgy. So fat, he's so stupid. He's so stupid, he's fat, he's so fat. 7:31, 31 after the hour. That's 29 away from the top there. We got traffic, traffic, traffic, traffic, traffic. Chelsea's got her entertainment report. Chelsea, what's going on out there?

[Allison Rosen]

You'll never believe who said what to whom and when. And also something about Ryan Seacrest.

[Brian Bishop]

Hold on.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

We don't have have a super annoying electronic music playing under everything all the time. Come on. What's going on out there?

[Dana Gould]

There you go.

[Allison Rosen]

You never believe who said what to whom on the red carpet, who was wearing what when they said it, why they said it, how much it cost. And Ryan Seacrest.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Hey, people say who?

[Randy Sklar]

People say hoopdon.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Anyway, Sledge down at Ikea. He's out there in Irvine. Go ahead and kick him in the nuts. Give him the phrase of pace. Walk with the beer cuzzi. It is 7:32. That's 28 away from the top of the hour. Well, it's. That's 32 after 7 o' clock again. News, traffic, traffic, traffic, traffic, traffic, traffic, traffic, traffic, traffic, traffic, weather news all coming up. The top corner, 16th of an hour.

[Randy Sklar]

Hey, I've never said this before, but almost killed a guy with my car.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

He never stops getting this one.

[Allison Rosen]

Next up we've got all the housewives, all the real housewives from Beverly Hills, from Atlanta and also Taylor Swift.

[Jason Sklar]

No, I really did.

[Randy Sklar]

I think about it first thing every morning. It's really starting to wear around me.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

I gotta jump out of the weather here. 72 when you're checking in, 72 degrees. Garden Grove 72. Fontana 72. Sunland, 72 degrees. Hawaiian Guards checking in. Big 72 degrees.

[Randy Sklar]

Holy.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Together with over there North Hollywood, 72 degrees to Hunga, 72 degrees. La Puente checking in at 71 now. Now 72 degrees.

[Brian Bishop]

I think there's something really wrong with the rumor and or leaks.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

I'm going to hang myself. You what? Let's take ourselves a quick break. Yeah, you listen these, listen to words. Top gun attorney Miles L. Davis. Gonna give you a little advice. Take quick, be right back show after this. You guys believe there's hell. Sorry, where are we? Rumor and leaks.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah. So Fallon taking over. Right. So I, I was asking if that is what everyone at this dinner thought was going to be the case because it was rumored at the beginning, but now it's pretty, it's official pretty much. Although we don't know the timeline.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Seems like that's going to happen. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Yes. Oh, and Leno has been making little cracks at NBC's expense this week. And we have a video of a couple of them. I believe. All right, any minute. Okay.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

According to several reports. This is kind of scary. Scientists say they're getting closer and closer to being able to do Jurassic park.

[Dana Gould]

Style cloning of extinct species.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Imagine that. Things that were once thought to be extinct could now be brought back from the dead. So there's hope for NBC. It could turn around.

[Jason Sklar]

Wow.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Making fun of his own platform.

[Allison Rosen]

And there should be another one.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

All right, feedback.

[Randy Sklar]

Welcome.

[Brody (Caller)]

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Welcome to the Tonight Show. Or as Comcast calls us, the Expendables. That's right. As you may have heard, our parent company has downsized the Tonight show, you know, and we consistently been number one in the ratings. And if you know anything about our network, that kind of thing is frowned upon. That when you're number four. Number one. Yeah. He's got FB money. Turns out now he's been taken over by Bane Capital. Oh, I can't believe. That just doesn't, you know, sound. I knew. See, I knew something was going on. Friday morning I woke up, there was a peacock. Going to keep running this.

[Allison Rosen]

Now this is.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Do you want to see?

[Allison Rosen]

That's a little bit older. Here are the other jokes. It was, you know, the whole Legend of St. Patrick. Right. St. Patrick drove all the snakes out of ice. And then they came into the United States and became NBC executives.

[Jason Sklar]

Wow.

[Allison Rosen]

And then also there were three this week. This is the other one. Did you hear about this? A 28 year old woman from Serbia has a rare brain condition where she sees everything upside down. Isn't that unbelievable? She sees everything upside down. In fact, she thinks NBC is at the top of the ratings.

[Randy Sklar]

How many times is he gonna be in this story? This is the third time at least.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, I know.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Here's the. Here's the deal. First off, as I said, better than F you money. F me money. The real rich guys can do things that are going to cost them money or hurt their career, whatever, because they're so rich they don't care a couple thousand bucks. I can fuck with you. It's going to take millions for me to fuck with myself. But I understand his point. Which is. And who knows if this is how it would have played out or not, but his thing was, is we were number one for 15 years and sailing along. And then you guys decided to come in and shake things up, bring Conan in, slide me to this new time slot. And then everything got fucked up. And then we could not unfuck them.

[Randy Sklar]

Yeah, yeah. You can't get toothpaste back into a tube.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Right. And even though they managed to sort of get some of it back into the tube and get some decent ratings things, that's it. And he probably believes that it was that shakeup that caused this, meaning that was the event that caused his demise. Even if his demise was some three or four years later, that was it. And it'd be hard to talk him out of that argument. On the other hand, whether it's Leno or Letterman, you have a Twitter 20, 25, 30 year run. That's it. And then you move over and a younger, thinner guy slides in and has his 25 year run, theoretically. And I think we're all, you know.

[Randy Sklar]

Can understand that children are here to replace us.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

That's what my daughter said. Yes. The more she knew.

[Allison Rosen]

And Kimmel was asked about it, and he was asked if perhaps the NBC's move could be a direct response to Kim Kimmel moving up.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Well, Kimmel moved to 1135 and has been doing great in the ratings. So that was a little canary in the coal mine of young guys moving into this space. And when Kimmel moved in and held his own, and then some with Letterman and Leno, then everyone else looked around and went, where's our young guy?

[Allison Rosen]

Right? So asked if it could be, you know, because of him, he said, God, I hope so.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Love me some Kimmel. You know what else I love? Stamps.com.

[Randy Sklar]

Mm.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

You want to make a quick trip to the post office? No such thing. There's medium and slow. There's no quick driving. Parking. Undoing the seatbelt, turning the car off. Turning the ignition off. Park. Re. Re. Reinserting the seatbelt on the way out. Opening the door.

[Allison Rosen]

Who has time for that?

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Closing the door.

[Brian Bishop]

If you're on any kind of an incline, you have the parking. The emergency brake.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

I'm tired.

[Brian Bishop]

Curb the wheels.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Just talking about it now. Let's go with stamps. I really. I need oxygen. Go to stamps.com. let's avoid this. You can print official US postage right from your own computer. And it just goes right up. What was that?

[Randy Sklar]

That was me going, what?

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yeah, official US Postage right from your computer goes right through your printer.

[Randy Sklar]

That couldn't happen. It's too convenient.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Troy McClure it turns out it's true. Yes. They can say. Now listen to this. You get a digital scale, you hook it into your computer, you plug it in, and then you put your parcels on there. Let's say one of your daughters was really acting up and you wanted to send her back to China.

[Randy Sklar]

Okay?

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

You put her on that scale. It would read out the exact amount that you need.

[Randy Sklar]

Oh, boy.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

And it would print out of your own printer.

[Randy Sklar]

Good Lord.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Unbelievable. And are you sitting down? 55 bucks. Free postage only if you enter Adam, go to stamps.com. now click on the microphone at the top of the homepage and type in Adam. That is stamps.com promo code. Adam. Yes.

[Brian Bishop]

I think you stumbled upon a great way to discipline your kids.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Get on the scale.

[Brian Bishop]

Get on the scale. You're going to back.

[Randy Sklar]

We're leaving the cemetery. We're going to drive out to the cemetery tonight and we're going to leave you.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

No, we just do this. You get the stamps, dot com, digital scale, and you just start. You get a big box with a bunch of peanuts in there, you know, packing peanuts. And you're like, honey, now when I'm filling out North Korea, do I just do the no and the dot or should I do the whole. Get on the scale, sweetie. On the scale. Yeah, that's what happens to young girls who come home with C minuses on their report card as they go to North Korea. To a family. Land of plenty. Land of plenty. North Korea. Now we're gonna put some. We're gonna put some granola bars in there because we're not in the package with you because we're not complete animals.

[Brian Bishop]

And some air holes, I guess.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yeah. I don't know why I was laughing with someone today. But you know those commercials? You know when you see a commercial where you want to punch down kid?

[Allison Rosen]

Yes, Most of them.

[Randy Sklar]

Yeah, that's everyone with a kid.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

There's like, there's the ones who make the toaster pastries. And then the. The kids going, what? Pop Tarts? Come on, Ma. And then the next one is, he's bringing new toaster pastries out with the little packet where you can frost it and everything. And it's like, I. If anyone presented a Pop Tart to me at any point in my life in my childhood, it would have been like, whose cock do I suck? Who needs. Now just hold on, let me do. You put your through the Pop Tart and I suck it and that's how I get to it, or do I just get it? But why are you handing me this Pop Tart? But I'd never be like, pop Tarts. We wanted toaster pastries. Like, are you fucking kidding me? They're disappointed with a Pop Tart.

[Brian Bishop]

I don't think I ever had a Pop Tart growing up.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Oh, my good.

[Allison Rosen]

No, I think good parents keep the Pop Tarts away from kids.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Yeah, but the Pop Tarts, especially the warm ones, when you put them in the toaster.

[Brian Bishop]

Does that sound good?

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Oh, yeah, they get a little toasty. They're not bad.

[Allison Rosen]

Not in the toaster. That's the thing about a Pop Tart.

[Jason Sklar]

Yeah, good.

[Allison Rosen]

Anyway.

[Randy Sklar]

Yeah, it's hard to find a bad Pop Tart.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

I've never met a Pop Tart I didn't like. Yeah.

[Allison Rosen]

Or that he wouldn't stick his cock through.

[Randy Sklar]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

No, no. That would make my uncle.

[Randy Sklar]

Or. Or a Tarts. Or a Tarts Pop.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

A Tarts Pop. All right, one more. What do we got?

[Allison Rosen]

Allison, I think you'll like this. Adam Bloomberg has started this campaign and. Against teenage pregnancy in New York. And there's this series of posters on buses and, you know, near the subway, and people are kind of freaking out.

[Randy Sklar]

See, now there's a term. If I could just interrupt, please. Here's a way where a Big Gulp would actually help his cause. If teenage girls just got into the Big Gulp or they just started blowing dudes.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Ah. Yeah, sorry. Too fat to fuck. You understand the rules?

[Jason Sklar]

Yeah.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Listen, I'd like to help you, but I'm not black, all right? So start sucking. Hold on. Let me get my Pop Tart out. There you go. Sorry, sweetie.

[Allison Rosen]

Which sweetie? The one who's too fat to fuck or me?

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

That's what I call my penis after it pierces to Pop Tart because it's.

[Randy Sklar]

Filled with delicious filling.

[Allison Rosen]

They're in all of sorts. Seriousness, do you guys have names for your penises?

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Honestly, Mom. Hold on. I'm reading the news things.

[Randy Sklar]

Your urethra is tamped with jimmies. Mr. Carolla, what have you been doing?

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Honestly, mom, chances are I won't be staying with you.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, so it's a little black girl, pensive, and it says, honestly, mom, chances are he won't stay with you. What happens to me? And it's in child writing, right? And then to the right is a little redheaded boy. They're both. What would you say, like, three years old? Two years old?

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

He reminds me of a young Johnny Whitaker, which gives huge laughs for anyone under 20.

[Allison Rosen]

Yeah, dad, you'll be paying to support me for the next 20 years. That's what that one says. And then it says, think being a teen parent won't cost you? New York State law requires a parent to pay child support until child is 21. And then on the other ad, it says, are you ready to raise a child by yourself? 90% of teen parents don't marry each other. And there's a lot more in this series which have similar messages.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

All right, but let me. Let me say this. First off, this thing of, like. And people are outraged because they don't want to be stigmatized or shamed. And like I said, every smoking ad is somebody playing a flugelhorn through a trachea hole. And she's in her 80s, and she's smoking through the flugelhorn while playing God Bless America.

[Allison Rosen]

Elaborate cigarette through the tranquil.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

And it's like. It's the grossest, most shaming, bizarre. You know, pictures of just black lungs that have been dissected and stuff like that. Why not? I've said a million times, and I've been screaming it since Loveline. As you've heard way back to 1996 when we played those tapes. It's a pretty simple equation in this country. It's also a simple equation in every part of the world. The hub of every problem that we have in society is unwanted children. Too many children, broken families, not enough supervision. Fathers not raising their children, parents not doing homework. And then the spokes that branch out from that are crime, drug addiction, unemployment, all under education, underemployment. All the stuff that we're trying to avoid are the spokes, the fucking mothership. I mean, did you see that movie Independence Day?

[Randy Sklar]

Yes, I did.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

I've seen it 28 times. And hear me, we had to go after the mothership. You see Will Smith, he went and got one of the little ships that buzzed off, punched him and smoked a cigar. But that's not enough. You gotta take down the mothership. The mothership in this case is literally the mother.

[Brian Bishop]

We gotta send Jeff Goldblum and his dad up to the mothership with a virus.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

He was with Will Smith. But I hear what you're saying.

[Randy Sklar]

Oh, shit.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Either way. Yeah. That was played by Judd Hirsch. Yeah. All right. The point is this. The mother is the mothership in this metaphor. And this is this country. This is many other lands that are not doing well. And you can kind of just judge how a land is doing by how intact the parents are, how a culture is doing, sometimes within our borders, sometimes beyond. How are the parents doing? How intact is the family? How focused are they on the children versus how broken and shattered? How many single moms. Blah, blah, blah. We all know this. It's the easiest math in the fucking planet to do. And yet we go chasing after the individual ships as they fly away from the mothership. Why? It's futile. You'll never stop the addiction. You'll never stop the crime. You'll never stop the unemployment. You'll never stop the welfare system. But if you go after the mothership, then maybe you can take them down.

[Brian Bishop]

This has been Adam Carolla explained societal ills vis a vis Independence Day.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Right. Yeah. Next up, I talk about social and economic relationships using the movie, let's say Varsity Blues can do okay. So be prepared. Yes. And here's what I say to everyone. And it drives me nuts. So you don't like these posters? So what's your. Your plan, love? There you go. And they go like. Well, it's really shaming to girls. That good. Bring it back. Let's get them shamed. And by the way, so you're pregnant teen, and you're shamed. Good. Maybe you'll just have the one kid. And you won't have the seven kids or this or the four kids or the 11 kids. All right, let's bring it home.

[Allison Rosen]

That's the news. I'm Allison Rosen. Zip it, cunts.

[Dana Gould]

That was the news without Alison Rosen.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Really? Like that Independence Day metaphor.

[Brian Bishop]

That was good.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Powerful.

[Brian Bishop]

The mothership.

[Allison Rosen]

In the movie. But it spoke to me, and I.

[Randy Sklar]

In sort of.

[Allison Rosen]

You saw it 28 times.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Trying to get fired.

[Randy Sklar]

And I, on the other hand, use Downton Abbey to explain gang bang etiquette, so I kind of do the reverse.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Always a delight, Dana Gould.

[Randy Sklar]

Thank you, sir.

[Adam Carolla (Host)]

Until next time, this Adam Kroll for Allison Rosen, Dana Gould, and bald Ryan sayin mahalo. Listen, I'd like to help you, but I'm not black. All right? So start sucking. Hold on, let me get my pop dart out.

[Adam Carolla]

All right, this is adam Coelho show 1040. That does it for today's cruel classics. Make sure to tune in tomorrow for an almond installment until then, and get it on Sam.